#jespar speaks

[sewerdraws]

people you'd like to know better tag game !

i was tagged by @tripleyeeet tysm !!

three ships :

Gortash x Durge/Tav (bg3) is the top one lately, you just know i'm a sucker for edgy violent romances and any fictional man with eyebags has an instant chokehold on me.

Akemi x Mizu x Taigen (blue eye samurai) oh my GOD i so hope the writers have set this whole thing to be a somewhat functional throuple and not an annoying love triangle with conflicts and miscommunication because all three of them are interested in each other and would be perfect for polyamory. Clearly it's not gonna be a healthy wholesome situation with how broken they are but i hope they just acknowledge at some point that they'd be okay with it

Michael x Trevor (gta5) i'm usually a fantasy person but man those characters and their storylines... gtav hit me like no other game (until bg3). Rockstar just wrote an incredible friendship dynamic that happens to also make for an incredible romantic dynamic and their extensive canon lore has potential for everything from angst, to wholesomeness, to 18+ content of everyone's taste

last film :

I almost never watch movies so i can't remember the exact last one, but there's a pretty good chance it was Summer Wars by Mamoru Hosoda because i watch it three times a year. Please watch Summer Wars. Please. It will rip your heart apart and then make you feel like it's all gonna be okay. There is no way to still be sad after finishing that movie. The visuals also fuck heavy.

currently watching :

The walking dead. I restarted it and i'm at season 6 and i forgot how incredible the writing was and so far they always manage to renew themselves with surprising situations. I also forgot how fucking brutal it is especially towards children like holy shit

Also Jujutsu Kaisen (but it's worth mentioning the absurd schedules the overworked animators are put under)

currently reading :

i don'g fucking know how to read ? but seriously i'd say Kill Six Billion Demons when the updates come out, it's a webcomic by artist and author Abbadon that i recommend to everyone that likes action-packed, fantasy comics with lengthy attack names, angelic beams and badass female characters by the dozens

currently consuming :

bg3

fable!!!!!!

lots and lots of streaming content, both french and english-speaking

currently craving :

2 bucks pizza from Lidl my beloved............

no pressure whatsoever if you decide to ignore this but i'm tagging @sun-marie @draugrfiend and @ladysantos !

[a-whiff-of-a-dream]

Thanks again @not-so-blue for tagging, I know its a lil late xD

Tagging: @livingvicariouslee even tho she has been tagged already, but whatever xD

Do you play any instruments? Nope, tried to teach myself how to play the gituar, but boy did this not work out xD

Favorite book characters? Jespar Dal Varek (The first Enderal Book by Nicolas Lietzau)

What's your star sign? Virgooooo

Favorite color schemes? Greens and browns and beiges, but I also love love love all pastels

Naps or long sleep? Long sleeps, if I nap i literally cannot fall asleep at night

What languages do you speak? German and english, even tho I also had french and spanish classes in school

Dreams/aspirations? To be able to write as much as I used to again and get my books published

Long or short hair? Both? I have this thing, where i just cut my hair to a bob once a year (I just did it two days ago again) and then let it grow out for aprox. a year

Tea or coffee? Coffee for sure

Bring a book character to life or go into a fictional world? If I could I would go into my own fictional world

Three ships? Handers (DA2) // Crowley and Aziraphale (Good Omens) // HoF x Alistair (DAO)

First ship ever? I guess it was Katara and Aang?

Last song? Männer sind Schweine - Die Ärzte

Last movie? I guess it was Twilight with my best friend?

Currently reading? So much at the same time, but mainly The Stolen Throne by David Gaider (I wish I would read more again, but im in a slumb)

Currently consuming? A german podcast called Gästeliste Geisterbahn

Currently craving? Another Coffee and the curry i had last friday

[lastdb]

hey check out how hard i can cry

[daedric-prince-of-pasta]

the boyz are back

[dueliz]

Bf: Jespar’s ABSOLUTELY a himbo.

Me: Okay, HOW??? EXPLAIN. Because, to be a himbo, you must strictly meet all three of the criteria and Jespar is not at all dumb of ass.

Bf: Okay yeah, he’s BOOK smart. But his EMOTIONAL intelligence? Come on now.

Me:

Bf: Your silence speaks volumes.

[nayswriting]

Jespar & Renu (backstory), The Promise within Shadows

Jespar and Renu have known each other since they were young. They grew up with parents who visited each other often, since Jespar is the descendent of the lord of Mounsabat, a city-state in Bhudaarat, and Renu is the daughter of a noble. They would see each other often at court gatherings and official meetings, though Renu's family lived a few days' ride outside the walls of Mounsabat. Later, when it became apparent that Renu would be most qualified to become the next magical specialist given her bloodline and aptitude for magic, her family moved to the city, around the time Jespar and Renu were tweens.

They began to spend even more time together, causing trouble for others as they grew closer. They shared secrets and played and schemed in the highly secretive environment that is Bhudaarat. They also helped each other explore their self-expression during their teen years. For example, Renu encouraged Jespar to experiment with different forms of gender expression; while various genders are accepted in Bhudaarat, there are still expectations around how one is to comport themself based on their gender. And Jespar helped Renu break out of the rigidity of her family.

Many nights, Jespar would sneak out of the castle to visit Renu's estate, egging her to join them in some scheme, probably to glimpse a precious artifact within the castle walls or to steal a prized good from an expensive vender. Even though Jespar could of course easily ask or pay for such items, given their royal fortune, they wanted to experience thrill of trying to steal or see something forbidden instead, knowing their parents would compensate whichever downtrodden soul later, after learning what had transpired.

This kind of behavior would anger Jespar's royal attendants, such as Alak, who often chastised Jespar for their behavior and recommended punishments to Jespar's father. Jespar's shenanigans would also anger Renu's parents, who were angry that the royal heir would drag their daughter into such dangerous and unbecoming activities.

As the years went on and Jespar and Renu grew ever-closer, around puberty, they confessed their feelings to each other. While Renu's parents were displeased by this development, the Savashriyas knew they couldn't stop their daughter from dating whom she wanted, as she was rarely hesitant to speak her mind or to follow her own vision of reality, especially as the future magical specialist. Jespar's parents, on the other hand, hardly engaged with Jespar's discipline, not wanting to seem too overbearing or disapproving.

I'm once again changing the title of the novel. It is now The Promise within Shadows! Hopefully this will be the last time, haha. I'll be making more of these backstory tidbit posts in the future as y'all wait for the redesigns of Jespar and Huì~

[niseamstories]

Tl;dr: The heavily revised physical edition Dreams of the Dying, my novel set in the Enderal universe, is now available for pre-order via Amazon via my website. Special early bird prices are $32.99 for the hardcover with an illustrated appendix, $12.99 for the paperback, and $2.99 for the eBook. It’s a prequel featuring Jespar, but, for reasons outlined below, opens up a new canon. Amazon.de has yet to pick up the listing for the physical editions, but they are incredibly slow—I’m working to get that done.

Hey guys,

This is Nicolas, the writer of Enderal speaking. As some of you may know, I’ve been working on an Enderal novel, Dreams of the Dying. First released as a web version, I spent the past year completely rewriting and improving the book, adding and removing chapters, revising characters arcs, and improving plotting, worldbuilding, and style. In total, I rewrote the web edition three times from cover to cover. Well, it’s finally time: Dreams of the Dying is now available for pre-order on Amazon!

The English version of Dreams of the Dying will release on October 20. A German (and perhaps Russian) translation will follow as soon as possible.

Please note that this is a rendering and that the actual hardcover looks slightly different, with same format but a matte dust jacket and a matte, laminated case. A big shoutout to Dominik Derow for the cover artwork, Johanna Krünes for her cover design, and Joyce, for her tips, patience, and help with this product shot.

Jaaros Oonai, magnate, visionary, and master of coin, doesn’t muse about whether the glass is half empty or half full—only about ways to fill it.

Jespar Dal’Varek, drifter, mercenary, and master of avoidance, doesn’t muse at all. He’d rather just drink the damn wine.

Two lives that could not be more different intertwine when a strange contract leads Jespar to the tropical island empire of Kilay, the wealthiest nation of the Civilized World.

The mission turns out to be as bizarre as it is lucrative: Jaaros Oonai, the country’s merchant king, knows something that could stop a catastrophe, but he has fallen into an inexplicable coma. Together with an ex-priestess and a psychic, Jespar must enter Oonai’s dreams and find this secret.

What should have been a fresh start rapidly turns into a nightmare, as Jespar slides into a spiral of disturbing dreams, political intrigue, and clashing ideals, where not only the fate of Kilay but his own sanity are at stake. It’s not long before he learns that only a spider’s thread divides the sleeping and the awoken.

And that there’s no greater enemy than one’s own mind.

The hardcover edition comes with an appendix that includes additional lore, such as an illustrated bestiary, a guide to Kilayan fashion, illustrations of the (re-envisioned) seven Light-Born, a short guide to the Makehu language, and much more.

Even though Dreams could be considered a prequel, I didn’t write this as an expansion or fan service but rather as my debut, and a book that stands on its own. This edition differs vastly from the web version, and, though it is up to you to judge, I’m a million times happier with it.

If you’re on the fence and would like to wait for reviews—here’s hoping I get enough—I fully understand. However, if you would buy the novel, you’d do me a great favor if you considered pre-ordering. One of the biggest challenges as an indie author is exposure; since Amazon registers all pre-orders as Day 1 sales, a lot of Day 1 sales would give me a chance to climb in the novel’s category and boost visibility for readers outside the Enderal community. To make this worth it to you, the book will sell for a special early bird price of $32.99 for the hardcover with the illustrated appendix, $12.99 for the paperback, and $2.99 for the eBook, as opposed to $37, $16, and $5. Just follow the link to my website and click pre-order—it will take you right to your local Amazon marketplace.

Unfortunately, Amazon.de has yet to pick up the listing for the physical editions, but they are incredibly slow—I’m working to get that done.

I’m aware the hardcover is in the upper price range, but it uses the best materials, and the illustrated appendix cost a lot to produce. It’s also the only edition where I make a more solid revenue, so see it as a way to support my work, if you wish.

If you’re a patron and pledged $110 or more since October 2018, I’ll be in touch a few weeks before launch to send out your signed hardcover copy right away. Thanks again for your support, Dreams became a far pricier project than I anticipated, and your patronage helped me immensely in covering the cost.

Lastly, a word of warning before you pre-order: For the paperback edition, I took the drastic step to separate Dreams and all future Enderal novels from the game canon. There are two good reasons for this. First, the Vyn games were created over 17 years, the earliest one being Myar Aranath in 2003. Fascinating as this idea may be, it also means that the lore of the Vyn universe was created by a myriad of different authors (the latest and current one being me when I joined the team in 2011). As a result of this, the lore of Vyn has always felt a little disjointed and inconsistent; I initially took these differences as challenges to conquer, but the longer I wrote, the more I realized how much these inconsistencies bothered me and how hard they made it to write the story and the universe I envisioned. Let me assure you that this decision wasn’t easy and does not reflect a lack of appreciation for the work of the previous workers. I stayed faithful to the lore whenever possible.

The second reason is a trickier one: Jespar. This character has been in my mind for nine years now, and I love him with all my heart. Still, the more I immersed myself in the story of Dreams, the more I grew aware of how incredibly constraining it was to write a story where the end is already written; because Jespar is alive in 8234 a. St. (1234 P.L. in new canon lore), you all know he will never be in real danger. Again, there is undoubtedly an intriguing challenge to writing such a “safe” story, but—similar to the lore, I increasingly felt like I was writing with fetters on. 

So, what does this mean? Aside from the fact that anything can now happen, the consequences aren’t that drastic. Enderal is still Enderal, and Jespar is still Jespar, albeit thirteen years younger and at another point in his life. I changed and expanded details about his backstory, but his essential conflicts are still the same, only refined. Major changes include modifications to the Light-Born (their aspects, how they came to be, when and how they disappeared, and the societal consequences of that disappearance), the time frame of the different eras, and a complete rework of the magic system. Minor changes include dates, the spelling of names and locations (Kilay, not Kilé), and others details I tweaked for consistency and worldbuilding coherence.

And that’s about it. I’m aware and grateful for the love many of you have for this world, and believe me, I did my best to honor it; I just realized I cannot tell a good story with one arm tied behind my back. If it’s any solace, I can promise you that new book canon is ironclad – I’m pathologically obsessive about consistency and cohesive worldbuilding, but without a solid framework, that’s a recipe for frustration and disaster. See it as a different but nearby eventuality: details and fates may differ, but the soul of the world remains the same.

If all that didn’t scare you off, pre-order away! I also set up a Goodreads page for the book, so you can add it to your To-Be-Reads or even recommend it to your friends – this is an indie project by all means, so I’m grateful for every bit of support. Please keep in mind that the Goodreads is for the revised edition, not the web edition, so if you’re planning to leave a low rating, I’d be grateful if you waited to read the actual book in October 20. It’s a different experience.

Last but not least, a big thank you to everyone who supported me on Patreon, created fanart for Enderal, or just let me know they enjoyed this game and were looking forward to the novel. This novel was meant to be a 6-month stint but, boy, did it turn into something more. It sounds sentimental, but this last year has been rough personally, and your support and encouragement kept me going.

I hope this story will live up to your expectations.

Best,

Nicolas

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[jhara-ivez]

“Companionship”

Sometimes one slips into a lie just like that. I'm not saying that I'm the most honest person in the history of mankind, but some situations in my life get tangled up in a web of untruths, even without my own help.   On that day, for example, I had set my mind on getting one of those expensive robes the rich people walked around in day in and day out. Not because the design would have done me great, but because I'm a prankster inside. The problem was: I only had one hour to roam around in the market district, because Arantheal had called us up into the temple. Time was pressing. Therefore I purposefully entered Nobleyarn's shop, Jespar right at my heels,and had the different things shown to me. 

"We don't have much time. The outfit is for tomorrow," Jespar said after a few minutes of boring and aimless trying-on and went to take a closer look at something in the back of the store. Meanwhile I stood in front of a large mirror, behind me the strict salesman who eyed me with the attention of a hungry hawk. "That fits perfectly," I said at some point. The man however replied with an examining glance: "Hm. But the pants." He spoke slightly nasally. "Yes, I know, but I have funny legs. Can't I just wear another pair of pants? The ones over there were a good fit." He snorted. "Are you insane? You want to look neat on your special day, don't you?” I blinked, slightly confused. Had Jespar dropped that at some point when I wasn't listening? So that the salesman hurried a little? Smart, really smart. I decided to say nothing. Since no better outfit could be found a young woman, the tailor, was called in. "Can you tighten these pants?," Nobleyarn asked. The tailor took one look at me and nodded. "When should they be ready? Morndas?" Nobleyarn sighed and said: "No, this is an emergency. The young man has his special day tomorrow." Now it became a bit unpleasant for me. My little lie, which strictly speaking was no lie (especially not mine!), but only a concealment of the truth at the right moment, continued to swell. "We can leave it that way, really. No problem. It only flutters a little", I said and forced myself to smile. A nameday wasn't that special afterall, right? But the salesman had none of it: "No, that's fine! The tailor waddled away. "Now if I might ask you to pay," he continued and pointed to the counter. "You can pick up your pants at nightfall." I, feeling secure for a moment, paid. But – of course – things escalated regardless. "Say", Nobleyarn spoke up again, "Where are you getting married?" … …........ "Duneville." "Oh really? I have relatives there!” Oh shit. "No, of course I meant Riverville, it's where my c.. companion comes from." Jespar strutted decoratively at the other end of the room. "This will interest Sabia! She comes from Riverville, you know?”  Nobleyarn waved the tailor back again. “Sabia! Sabia, the young man is getting married in Riverville tomorrow! Can you believe it!” She came back to us, grinning like a cat. "Well, you do look pretty calm. Your companion certainly sees it differently," she said and put a hand on my shoulder. Nobleyarn grinned at me while she went looking for something under the counter.   "Tell me a little bit! Where are you getting married? Again I had to think of something. Fast. "Um... well, it will only be a small celebration. Modest. We are..." "Temple or out in the open?" "I- ... Under the open sky. Although... yes...uh, yes. Yes, under the open sky." "Then say hello to Meydame (I-don't-remember-the-name)," said the tailor as she loosened the cork of a rather expensive-looking wine bottle. "She taught me the profession!" "Oh, that's funny. My companion learned from her, too!“ I couldn't stop anymore. "No, really?" She was excited. "What's his name?" And again I said the first thing I could think of. "Leoran. Leoran Orangeblossom. But now I really have to g-”" "Orangeblossom? You mean... Like the poetess?" "Yes, yes, exactly. He's somehow related to her too." I had to get out of this situation. Sabia obviously went through a list in her head. A good tailor remembers all faces. "I don't remember a Leoran Orangeblossom. But anyway, how about a glass of wine to celebrate the day?" "No! I mean - No thanks, I don't drink," I wanted to leave. NOW. "Oh really?" said Nobleyarn. "Me neither. It's so nice to meet someone of the same mind.“ "Haha.” "How delightful. I'm Elumund, by the way." He reached out his hand to me. "Ralus Reaper." Right at that moment Jespar came to the sales counter and was immediately embraced by Nobleyarn, who had tears full of emotion in his eyes. "Meyser Orangeblossom - Or may I say Reaper now? This will be the most beautiful day in your life! Even if it rains! At my wedding it rained the whole time, but it was the most beautiful day in my life! The tailor joined in : "We people from Riverville really don't waste time, do we?" ... Jespar looked at me. I already knew the look on his face, it didn't promise anything good. I ducked my head. "What by the wise hermit are you talking about?" he asked, a low growl in his voice. … I had to act. Before everything was discovered. "Love!“, I took a deep breath. „I mean- ...It- .... SURPRISE!             :D " .... .... .... It took one week for the red hand-shaped imprint on my cheek to dissappear again.

[spicylief]

Letter

“Um...Mydame?”

Lishari looked up from the book in her lap. She was sitting on a bench in the courtyard when the boy walked up to her. She shifted her magelight aside so she could see him clearly in the evening sun. “Hey, what’s up, kid?”

The little boy took a moment to look at her. He had a letter in his hand. “Oh, my mistake. I’m sorry to disturb you. I think I have the wrong person…”

“Who’s that from?” Lishari queried, nodding at the letter.

“Mysir Dal’Varek, mydame.” 

‘That mercenary Constantine hired...’

“And... who is it for?”

“I was told to deliver this to a ‘beautiful woman with bright green eyes’, but...” he answered, and looked at her closely again under her light. “But your eyes aren’t green…”

“Oh!” Suddenly, Lishari’s curiosity was piqued. “I think I know who you’re talking about.” She looked past the boy to scan the courtyard. “Last I checked, she was in the Emporium speaking with Grandmaster Aranthael… Oh!” Maera had just stepped out of the building. “There she is!” Without a word, the boy went to her.

Observing from afar, Lishari quickly noticed the look on Maera’s face. The Prophetess had a blank expression, but her eyes held traces of both anger and frustration. ‘Looks like the trial was rough on her…she looks positively furious with Aranthael right now.’ The boy came up to Maera and his sudden appearance before her broke her out of her troubled haze. ‘Well... let’s hope that kid is bringing her good news.’

Upon him handing over the letter, Lishari smiled as she observed the Prophetess pay the boy a handful of pennies with a gracious smile. As the boy skipped away, Maera opened the letter and read it. A surprised look crossed her face. 

‘Beautiful woman with bright green eyes, huh…?’ 

The Prophetess visibly blushed. Lishari could not help but grin in amusement.

‘Lucky man.’

---

‘He’s still here…’

Maera stared at the letter.

Jespar wanted to meet her to congratulate her for passing the trial. 

“...in person.”

‘I thought I was never going to see him again…’

All of a sudden, Maera’s frustrations with Arantheal were forgotten. She took her gaze away from the letter for a second, and looked back, reading it again. She could not believe what she held in her hands.

‘What am I supposed to think?’

‘Maybe he’s just trying to be polite.’

‘Last time you spoke, he was planning to leave the country.’

‘But he didn’t.’

‘But why?!’

“Secret admirer?”

Maera yelped in surprise as Lishari tapped her on the shoulder, having snuck up from behind. Before she could react, Lishari had plucked the letter out of her fingers and began to read it herself.

“Lishari, give that back!” Maera chased after the mage as she pranced away.

“...it would rob me of my sleep to know that I didn’t congratulate you in person…” Lishari read Jespar’s words out loud, “Should your holy duties allow it- hey!”  

Maera managed to grab it back, thankfully without wrinkling or tearing it. She immediately tucked the letter into her leather tunic. “Lishari...that was personal,” she murmured weakly in embarrassment, her cheeks completely flushed.

“Oh, lighten up. I was just curious.” Lishari laughed.

“What’s going on?” Calia had joined them.

“Nothing.” Maera piped up, her voice small.

“Our Prophetess got a letter from her lover,” Lishari teased relentlessly.

Maera threw her a withering stare. “Lishari, we’re just friends...” she murmured sadly.

“Constantine mentioned he was planning to leave the country...” Lishari responded back. “I wonder why he decided to stay?” she pondered outloud with a mischievous grin.

“May I see it?” Calia asked Maera with as light-hearted and polite of a tone as possible. Her curiosity was also having the best of her. Lishari giggled.

“No!” Maera crossed her arms, as though to protect Jespar’s letter. “By the Sun, you two are like a bunch of little girls.”

“Well, being surrounded by these old folks day-to-day….relatively speaking, you’re not wrong,” Lishari argued playfully. She looked at Calia. “Unfortunately, Calia, it’s honestly nothing too juicy. Dal’Varek simply wanted to congratulate her on becoming one of your lot.”

“Oh…” Calia seemed a little stunned as Lishari spoke to her. Maera noticed her cheeks reddening as well.

‘Looks like I’m not the only one with an infatuation…’

“I was only teasing our Prophetess,” Lishari explained. “When I saw her read the letter, the reaction I saw on her face made her feelings for Dal’Varek so damn obvious, I wouldn’t be surprised if she ca-”

“Lishari!” Maera did not want to hear the rest of that.

“I see.” Calia’s raised a brow in amusement.

“So…” Lishari turned her sights back to Maera. “Are you going to go see him now?”

Maera huffed. “Of course I am. Like I said, we’re friends.” She turned away and began to head out.

“Tell us what happens after!” 

Without looking back, Maera flipped her off on her way out. Lishari simply laughed.

[arkt-nehrim-archive]

For the asking thing: Thoughts on Lexil Merrayil? :3

I adore Lexil.  He’s -brilliant-, and he felt very genuine to me compared to other characters. He was always happy to see us, -thankful- that we came back in one piece, and sets himself up to be trying as hard as you are even while not giving himself the credit of -honestly carrying nearly this whole thing himself-. I really feel like more could’ve/should’ve been done with him. And I don’t just mean for like, content that could’ve been added in Forgotten Stories, I mean from a -total- narrative sense too. This might get lengthy. And also spoilers, so many spoilers.

  The Star City, for example.  Lexil clearly showed interest and ability in being able to go along for that trip, but instead his mentor/mother figure Yaela gets shoe-horned in as a random expert in Starlings, when if -she mentored him-, Lexil could’ve have just as easily been.  “Didn’t he need to stay to work on the Beacon?”  Development on the Beacon was at a stand-still at the time, he would’ve been free to go on the trip with you. Cue actually getting to speak to him on the ship, and the opportunity for a romance dialogue -if- there had been one as an option for him (providing us tall ass Aeterna players with a not borked cute scene).  Carrying forward into the journey where -he- would’ve figured out the everything, with -all- the relevant data running amok in his head since he’s basically been doing 90% of the work here and it -could’ve- been a stressful thing. Not this “GASP! I FIGURED IT OUT!  -barfs exposition out of nowhere coming to conclusions for the sake of plot convenience over it actually making any sense to magically know these things off of some pictures that could definitely be interpreted in like 20 different ways-”.  Lexil, you, and Jespar/Calia could’ve spent that 12 hour window to explore and get back to the ship smacking your collective heads against the wall to figure this out, having another moment that Enderal prizes so much to truly -discuss- and potentially argue your points, before Lexil (after hearing all the counsel) could more -realistically- come to the conclusions that Yaela came to.  Oh no!  The big dragon boss reeeee!   Now there’s a character defining scary moment where you can CHOOSE to either leave Lexil behind to hold the line while you escape -OR-, if you got the chops for it, -fight the lvl 100 Steel Dragon- with your best pal Lexil, getting to finally show him in -combat- for once, paired up with your choice of bestie. “But wait, if we chose to let Lexil die, how would we finish the Beacon-”  YAELA! Who could be JUST as sad about losing her basically adoptive son to Tealor’s magical adventure quest to be famous save the world, and -she- could finish the Beacon. Or Yuslan could, I mean he contributes quite a lot too, especially when we hit snags. Oooor, we beat the boss and Lexil is proven a total badass that we -all know him to be-. But wait then why would they have any reason to flee in the drop pods?  Easy!  The steel beast still destroyed the ship and there’s no other way down, plus the alarms are still in play at that point (thanks Kurmai), so it’s not like it isn’t still dangerous to be there. It could’ve given him -such- a deeper role to play even if that was the only quest we got to really -do- with him out in the field.  Alas~  Such is only the dreamy realm of headcanon. Before I stop, I want to add in that Lexil had an effect on me that’s -never- happened in a videogame, ever.  And that was at the -end-.  Already striking was just -seeing- the Cleansing happening, but it’ll be forever burned into my memory seeing that subtitle at the bottom of my screen, “Lexil Merrayil: -wheeze-” I whirled my camera around trying to find him, and by some awful luck, he was -centered- in my camera in such a way that took my damn breath away. He looked like he might’ve been running for the very place I was going, before he collapsed. Took the few steps needed to get closer to him, in which I saw just how awful he looked; the shivering I remember the most.  It froze me solid, I just couldn’t -do- anything for -minutes- while the Beacon roared in the backround and that heart-wrenching music played, and somehow, for whatever reason, -all- of my failures and triumphs up to this moment in the game did not feel like -this-.  I felt awful that I didn’t even -know- a healing spell, in the off chance that would help. I couldn’t bring myself to try to put him out of his misery, despite the obvious terrible pain he was in.  I don’t honestly remember what happened after, at some point I had to have moved, because I finished the game.  But I legit barely recollect between waiting there with Lexil aaand waking up in the Star City for the Brave New World ending, it’s all a haze. Maybe it was the fact of anybody I’d encountered, he well and truly -did not deserve this-. It made me wonder what sort of writer would -want- to write that. And y’know, some people think that helplessness expressed in their stories is provocative and -good-; and for some it -is-.  For me it’s...overdone and unnecessary, as its so often accompanying other tragic circumstances that are already bad enough on their own.  Lexil’s situation was obviously no different, I mean. The Cleansing and all that. Yes, some writers desire to load their stories up with grimdark awfulness, that’s tragedy as a genre in a nutshell, some kind of reminder of “real life” where bad things happen and you can’t do anything about it.  Buuut... Lexil was a bit much in a game with several other prior character deaths, one of which is a -suicide-, another a -child-. There’s a point when it is -too much-, even for a tale of that genre, -especially- in a conclusion that just ends in -everyone- dying. Lexil’s fate required such a disconnect that I don’t really remember the end, as I said, and I still haven’t been able to go back and play again, because everytime I see that Beacon at the beginning, I think of Lexil and the fate that awaits him and me; it puts this firm -stop- into it that questions what about another trip through could possibly be worth it when -that- is the end? And it -sucks-, because Enderal is such a fun game! I genuinely -loved- it, up until that. It’s one of the greatest games I’ve ever played, but man... Lexil.   How’s the saying go?  Straw that broke the camel’s back?  Maybe one day I’ll manage to play again, but so far I never make it past that first meet with Jespar.

Huuh. Wow, that got long winded.  So uhm, to answer the question.  Lexil Merrayil left quite an impression. He’s very special to me; if not just for being a solid, under appreciated character, than for the emotions he invoked. I really wish he got a better hand dealt to him, but, alas.

@cat-with-a-keyboard   Thank you!  Apologies for the feels trip! 

[cat-with-a-keyboard]

Standing On The Edge

(Or: I can’t do titles for shit) Little, little bit of smutty stuff down at the bottom

(inspired by this post by @anisanthus )

The auroras danced across the sky in ribbons of green light. Minerva watched them, feeling more or less contented. All felt right with the world and she was at peace for the first time in what felt like forever.

Jespar flirted happily with Calia lower down on the deck, making the young woman blush and cover her cheeks. Minerva had to grin at the incorrigible mercenary.

"I thought I'd find you up here," Lexil said, his soft boots making little sound on the sleekly varnished wood. "How are you?"

She smiled shyly, her eyes shifting from the skies to his face. It was all the answer he honestly needed.

"I'm glad," Lexil told her sincerely. "I... I wanted to talk to you."

We speak now, don't we? she signed, a teasing gleam in her eyes.

He hesitated slightly before taking a deep breath and plowing on. "About... well, about when you kissed me in front of the Beacon."

She froze, trepidition in every line of her body. Ah, she mouthed.

"Please don't misunderstand me, Minerva," he said quickly. "I do…" now he hesitated again. "What I'm trying to say is I think you could do far better than an Archmagister of dying Holy Order who's far too fond of his luxuries."

I don't want better, warred with Don't sell yourself short. Minerva wished desperately that she could speak.

Lexil she signed, spelling out his name with her fingers. I-D-O-N-T-C-A-R-E. She thought for a moment, trying to figure out her phrasing. You think too little of yourself. Enjoying the luxuries you have earned is no sin.

"You flatter me," he said sadly. "I do not think that when all is said and done, that I could make you happy. I have nothing to offer you besides myself; no skills that would be particularly useful outside the Order."

She laid a large hand on his arm. It occurred to her that their roles had been reversed from the last time they had spoken. Now she comforted him instead of the other way around.We could all die within a week, she signed with one hand. We should make the most of what time we have. And besides, she added with a ghost of a grin. I'm sure we could go to Qyra.

He passed a hand across his forheard. "Perhaps I am being a fool, but it's been all I could think of for days now. Your whole-hearted disdain of it is both humbling and flattering."

Now, she signed You are babbling.

And so she solved the problem by kissing him thoroughly.

Things got a bit heated from there. When Minerva finally broke away, Lexil chuckled a little dazedly. "Why are you stopping?" he asked, tracing her face with his slender fingertips.

She tugged him in the direction of the cabins, a playful grin on her face.

Minerva curled around her Lexil, his wiry body nestled against her enormous, burly frame. He slept lightly but soundly, finally relaxed under her inexperienced but gentle ministrations.

Their lovemaking had been slow and tender; allowing for the relative inexperience on both sides. Minerva was well satisfied with her lover, and she hoped that Lexil felt the same.

She remembered arching over him, head thrown back in silent exaltation as she came hard around him. She remembered her hair falling around his face when they kissed to muffle his moans.

She kissed his forehead, smoothing away the ruffled silver hair. He murmured something that sounded like her name and blinked his eyes half-open. She hummed soothingly to him; the only sound her damaged vocal cords could make any more.

"…love?" he whispered, his eyes sliding shut again. Her arms only tightened around him.

Sleep, my love, she thought. I'll wake you when it's time.

[essythewolf]

30. Write a short exchange of dirty talk between them

HHhnnngh okay. Some more spicy implications heading your way.

“You’ll need to speak up darling.”  She huffed, trying to focus on the book in front of her. Hard to do when someone’s hands were roaming freely over her. They both knew how the game would end but she liked to pride herself on being more...resilient to the advances. Like cat and mouse except the cat already had a hold of the mouse and was simply waiting to give in. “But this is a good book,” she pouted. Jespar adjusted behind her to look. “Are you actually reading “The Arazalean in My Bed?” His surprise was genuine and his grin against her neck only widened, “Well, I certainly have one in my bed.” “Gods, you’re terrible-” she squeaked as she was pulled closer against him.  “Reading up on positions? I know a few we can try...” (FFF okay this was sort of lame but I dunno how to write it so have something silly instead).

[henantier]

thoughts regarding tharaêl and his questline in general. lots of spoilers.

-he and calia would get along a lot better than either of them would care to admit. they’re both mainly distrustful of the world around them. they both have a figure in their life who was the only one to know the truth about them (letho, master tyras). more simply they both grew up as orphans in the undercity. yes yes the whole point is that neither of them want friends but if they both met in like, group therapy, then i think they could make peace with each other.

-i cannot understand why the father’s explanation/justification is in any way convincing.

-on the topic of the father, i don’t like how his gender is handled. it’s obvious that there is something strange about his gender. he doesn’t have the typical skyrim engine male walk and he speaks with an unexpected voice (he has a female voice actor). what i’m saying is that it should have been addressed more, or not obviously shown at all. i think it’s an unexamined element of the rhalâta questline that didn’t feel resolved in any way. it gives me slightly bad vibes as well, as the only character in enderal whose gender is unclear.

-saw this on reddit the other day. it’s a drawing set to various storms and saints by florence and the machine. of course that led me to think about forgiveness as a major theme in enderal, which i had never fully realized before. tharaêl’s story is arguably solely about forgiveness. the only way to talk him out of suicide is to say that qalian deserves to be forgiven, since tharaêl projects himself onto qalian. he cannot forgive the father, and he believes he is unforgivable. calia, jespar, and tealor, and perhaps the prophet, have this theme also.

-this is going to be slightly controversial because i know how some of you are but tharaêl is obviously not interested in a relationship. it makes me incredibly uncomfortable when he is depicted in a relationship, especially with the prophet. a casual relationship also wouldn’t work because of how he most likely feels about his body. yeah, i know he’d have been in a relationship to bring him closer to the father. (come to think of it, doing normally altruistic things for your own ends is another theme in the game.) but afterwards? he needs to rest. i understand that he’s attractive. i definitely find him very attractive. maybe he’d be open to it in time, after many years, and after a lot of platonic support. but the cleansing is coming and we literally do not have time for him to heal.

-the area of tharaêl’s character i have the most thoughts but the fewest words about are his dissociative symptoms. i think some of them are related to the estrangement, but most entirely separate. the first time he took a bath, he probably picked at his skin and cried in the changing room afterwards. the rhalâta’s teachings entirely separated him from his conceptualization of his body, causing him to believe it is disgusting and shameful. also, he believes it isn’t his anymore, especially after he finds out that it is artificial. i think this is where he’d need the most healing, and now i’m picturing him doing a slow stretch in the morning as he gets out of bed and starting to feel again.

-zar’ah is lysia. i have no doubt in it anymore.

[daedric-prince-of-pasta]

*sees the jespar followers mod for skyrim 👀*

[minnimari]

Enderal Character Ask – Fill it out yourself or reblog as is to use as an ask meme. Have fun! <3 So i start to work, but only in short answers :D ————————————— 1. The basics – name, age, etc… Her name is Mya Megles, 28 years young, female and quite normal.

2. Describe their appearance. I would say her hair is dark brown with little bit red. The red you can see in the sun.

3. How do they like to dress? She likes to wear trousers best and a linen shirt. Leather shoes not more. Yaaa.. its not special, but the most comfortable without armor. And dressesonly for nice occasions.

4. Do they have any markings (scars, tattoos, birthmarks)? Hehe.. a heroic scar on the face from a fight with a domestic cat ;D Big scar on the hip and a few small strokes through the birth of son.

5. What are they like? Describe their personality (use whatever tools you like- MBTI, D&D alignment, astrological signs, Hogwarts house, words/phrases): Ouw yes this ancient civilication. They call them starlings, i thing. So the stars are really beautiful, and plants, right. Astrology, Symbols and all this magic things.

6. How would they describe themselves? Mya is a little bit shy, but a happy person. She loves beautiful things such as sunsets, candles and flowery meadows. Just an almost typical woman. As far as trust in others is conserned, she is rather careful, because shes been hurt badly in the past.

7. Education level? On a scale from 1 to 10 she is a 7/8. Mya is a "Bookworm" and reads everything she can get her hands on.

8. What are they proud of in themselves? What are they embarrassed about? Proud? Rather happy to finally be able to decide for yourself about your own life. And possibly ashamed of being laughed at because of their height. Not to be taken seriously. As they are now by most in the Sun Temple ;D

9. Do they know any languages other than Inal? Only Inâl and native language.

10. What, if any, aspects of their mother’s culture influenced them growing up? Mother always sang songs about the old gods, no matter at what time. It always cheered her up. Mya´s forgotten many things in recent events :(

11. Name a song (or a few) that remind you of them. Almost all songs remind me of previous life with my family.

12. Speaking of songs, can they sing? What is their voice like? How about instruments? Mya can sing, but she doesn´t like singing in front of people. She´s got a deep voice for a woman. Hm.. She doesn´t know much about music, and she doesn´t play any instruments.

13. What was their life like before coming to Enderal? Before we noticed the real war, it was a nice quit life with son Kaleb and partner. Since he disappeared and mother died of a serious illnes and old age. She was lonely with son for short time until she met Sirius.

14. How did they decide to leave Nehrim? When Sirius opened Myas eyes to begin a new life. Kaleb (4) was too young to make this journey. With a heavy heart she placed him in a kind of monastery. The abbot knew her and her mother from befor. Now she doesn´t even know if Kaleb is still alive. Not a day goes by without thinking of him. The plan to go to another country came from Sirius. Different perspectives, different opportunities. He never told her how old he was. She suspected he was younger than she was. He had a lot of plans for the new life.

15. Describe their relationship with Sirius. Sirius will always remain Mya´s best friend, or like a brother. He was the only one she could trust after the thing with Kalebs father. Mother said she couldn´t sit in the house forever, she´s still young. So she made contacts with the outside world. They understood each other from the beginning.

16. Who do they blame for what happened to their family? Hmm... fate? The Nehrimese? Why must we always look for fault in others? Perhaps there were reasons for what happened.

17. Apart from stowing away, have they ever broken the law? On the run, Sirius and Mya stole to keep from starving. They couldn´t take much food with them on their journey.

18. How honest are they? Under what circumstances would they lie? She would only lie if the lives of the innocent were at stake. Better to be honest and hurt, than to be dishonest and have a bad conscience.

19. Worst memory(s)? Best memory(s)? Worst: mother on her deathbed with that whitegrey face. When she brought Kaleb to the monastery. Best: Mother always cooked and sang, and everyone laughed. Even Sirus was there. The birth of Kaleb. 20. Fight, or flight? Fight!

21. Describe their combat style. In short words: defensive and with full energy!

22. Have they ever killed before? What is their reaction to combat? She killed, yes. The blood is shocking at first. But it was easier to get through, when you were distracted.

23. How do they react to having magical abilities? Do they use them? Mya uses Restoration- spells after combat. Thats all she can take. She can´t handle potions. Fear of arcanistfever is very real. 24. What do they think of Enderal? Enderal is a beautiful country. Big Forests, great coastlines... The people are a little too much led by their trails. A little limited in their ability to think ahead. :D If she wanted to live in a place like this, it would be the Sunshine coast.

25. Did they do the Biggest Egg Hunt Ever quest? Of course! She got all the eggs Kurmai wanted.

26. How do they feel about joining the Order? What do they think of Arantheal? About the joining the Order, uh... it all happened very quickly. There was no time for Mya to get at least a little bit of information about it. She could have simply accepted smaller tasks, like Jespar. The life of a mercenary. A beautiful title. Myas opinion about Arantheal is very divided: He´s a nice guy, could be Myas grandfather. Strange was only that he put so much responsibility and trust in her. Apart from that she is a foreigner and has no idea. But she soon realized that he was selfish.. The opinions of his advisors were not important to him at all.

27. What is their opinion of the gods (or lack thereof)? The people of Enderal would be better off without the gods. They´d just ahve to learn to turn their own heads. That´s what it´s for. Each man should choose his own path, decide which vocation is best. A mayor or king would be quite sufficent for rules.

28. Wine, or pipe? Both! More wine, less pipe. Mya´s only weakness.

29. Do they spare or arrest Hallys, the farmer-turned-bandit in the quest, Deus Ex Machina? Why? Arrest him! He puts his own life before that of 100 poor people. The family should go to the food bank itself. If they´re not too proud.

30. What are their feelings and opinions about the Undercity? Mya´s disappointed about the undercity. The roads are destroyed. The "houses" aren´t even made of stone. It stinks everywhere. In the uppercity not a word is spoken about it. This is no life for a human being. If Mya could, and had the means, she would change so much. Not to see herself in a better light, but to prevent suffering. At least for the children or the sick.

31. How do they react to the beggars of Ark? When Mya sees a beggar, she supports him/her. Either with food or coins.

32. Where and how do they spend their time when in Ark? She´s home a lot. Sometimes in the dancing nomad with Jespar, when he has time. When Mya needs her rest, she also goes to Undercity in the Tavern.

33. What would they do with three wishes? Good Question. She would save them for important moments.

34. How do they feel about death? Do they fear it? Fear death? No, he´ll come one day anyway. Or if you´re not careful.

35. What (else) do they fear? Mya´s afraid of spiders. Big, hairy spiders... Fear of heights.

36. Do they have any secrets? Secrets, yes... Everyone has their secrets... :P

37. How is their behavior around people they like? People they dislike? If one of her loved ones needs help, she is there. But when she really likes someone, she shows it with little gestures and specific word. If she does not like someone at all, she tries to avoid them as much as possible. For example Natara.

38. What is their relationship with the companions? Who, if anyone, did your prophet romance? It´s difficult. Mya was initially very fascinated by Jespar. He is a good friend. Both have the same view of freedom and relationships. It is always an adventure to travel with him. He always has something to say. But Mya is not sure if she wants to start a romance with him.   As for Calia, besides Arantheal, she was the only person of the holy order who talked to her normally. She´s like a sister. Unfortunately, she is too devoted to her sacred duties. So spending time with her is very difficult. In herself a beautiful woman and very trustworthy, but not suitable for a romance. Now Esme: She doesn´t really know anything about Esme. She is a nice girl yes, but she is too attached to her partner. Esme and Mya finished a mission together, but when they finally met at the Tower, there was not much to talk about. The ways parted. Let us come to Tharael.. If Mya had never entered the arena, she never would have met him. In short words: He´s an asshole, but one with good intentions. Mya always wonderes if he had ever seen the uppercity. In all his conversations, everything he said referred to the Undercity, the father and the bad sides of the people. He definitely needs to relax. ;) Finally Dijam. A very strong personality, very dominant. The meeting with her were pleasant. But Mya can´t imagine spending a few days with her. Dijam is always convinced of her opinion, so Mya would never dare to speak her own mind. It would definitely lead to a fight. Currently, there is no Romance with Mya.

39. Was there any non-companion character that they were close to? That they particularly disliked? + Konstantin was an old unfriendly guy, but still quite cool. If Mya was interested in magic, he could be her mentor. She´s still wondering, was he like that in Nehrim? -Natara didn´t even knoe Mya and thougt she was going to be judged. Does she really think that Mya chose this path?

40. How do they feel about myrads? They are respectful animals. Loveable if domesticated, as the keeper said. Mya prefers the horse because of her fear of heights.

41. What dreams or ambitions did they have before coming to Enderal? What about afterwards? She never had big dreams. Just a simple life with her son.  Now her only dream is not to be alone and see Kaleb again. Maybe there are bigger dreams and Mya just doesn´t know it yet.

42. Do they like cities? Or do they prefer the country? Is there a region of Enderal that they like or dislike more than the others? It´s too loud in the city. Life in the country is much more relaxed. The suncoast was impressive from the beginning...

43. What do they do to lower their considerable stress? When Mya comes home after a mission, cooking something or meditating by the fireplace.

44. Describe their perfect day off. There are so many things you can do. Like take a bath in a water hole. Or lying on a flower meadow by the lake with a good book.

45. List three of their favorite things. Three things they hate? Her favourite things are her books. She likes listening to other people´s stories. Wine!.. hehe What she does not like are loud noises, ignorance and bad food :D

46. What’s in their pockets? Oh it varies from trip to trip. Myas diary is always with her. A few coins. Food. Everything you find interesting on a mission.

47. Pets? Mounts? Treasured possessions? A cat that always hides in the house. Then there is Hurricane the horse. Myas prized possessions are her books. Nothing about material things is more important to her.

48. How are their cooking skills? For regular food, Mya cooks very well. She learned that from her mother. She likes to bake things.

49. Do you consider any particular quest or side quest to be definitive for your prophet? Which one(s) and why? Every secondary task that involves making decisions is difficult for her.

50. How forgiving are they? For example, if they were yelled at in a brothel after searching high and low for this little sh*t, how would they react? Hm. It depends on what situation Mya´s in. If she sees a boy steal an apple, it´s her. But if she sees someone taking money from the poor. Then Mya´s not forgiven. (Hallys)

51. What do they think of the Veiled Woman? The first time, Mya thought she was in another dream. Whether she´s s ghost or a god, it doesn´t matter. When the veiled woman really plays a major role in this matter, why can´t she help? It will always be a mystery. She has no opinion for her. She doesn´t show herself enough.

52. If they had been a victim of one of the black stones, how would it have affected them? What would they have used its power to accomplish? Similar to little Rhyneus, she would have created a world as it was before. When everyone was alive and with her. Sirius, Mother, Kaleb,... In the end she would go crazy, because it´s all up to her wishes.

53. What was their reaction to the Black Guardian’s revelations? Do they accept or reject his offer? Even though it all sounds very lgical what the black guard says, she refused. The reason is: If he really comes out of that device/Goliath( How ever;)), the whole thing would start all over again. He would be a "god", yes. People would be subservient. And as it was depicted in the Star City, it would all happen again. Over and over.

54. How does their story end? With Mya, the story will never end. All solutions have good and bad sides. If she doesn´t start the purification and the construction of the beacon, everything is fine. All her loved ones stay alive.

55. Do they change over the course of the story? In what ways? No.

56. Anything else you’d like to share about them? At this moment, not no.

I am not a big writer but... enjoy it, please :D Big Thanks for @enderalappreciationblog

[jilljoycearts]

26, 27, 29, 42, 43 for the ask

26. If they could dedicate their life to solving one problem, what would it be? “Solving the problem of boredom, of course.”

27. What makes a person beautiful to them? Speaking of the physical appearance here~ So, things she pays the most attention to and can find beautiful in any gender: the eyes (Yes: blue, grey, any light or unnatural color; No: green, aeterna-green, starling-black), the hands (huge yes to long fingers and thin palms), the hair (no color preference, any shiny hair is pretty), noses (yes: straight noses like Tharael has, no: Jespar’s nose, sorry). Other preferences vary depending on the person as well. Basically, she finds Dijaam very beautiful (and shamelessly falls for her), to give you an example. But for men it’s different and she likes really sharp facial features much more than adorable roundness. 

29. What do they do/act like when they’re angry? Extremely explosive and endlessly salty. Can and will offend you with the nastiest insults possible if you’re having a serious fight. You’ll have to accept her apologies later, and please do, she didn’t really mean it 😬 

42. Do they drink/smoke/do drugs?  Yes, yes and no. Drinking is on the often side, smoking is rarely, and drugs are a no-no ‘cause she’s allergic (to the glimmer dust at least)

43. What’s the best and worst purchase they’ve ever made? Best - her daggers. Literally never regretted spending the money on the purchase and on the future enchantment. Worst - her house. Too big, too empty, too cold. But once it gets another inhabitant things get much better.