#jfc. i want this family genes.

[suzukiblu]

Some assorted Smallville headcanons from some of my assorted WIPs for Plot Bunny. They did not specify which WIP they preferred, so I just picked a bunch of different ones and went from there! 

Smallville does not approve of Clark Kent’s parenting style: Smallville is a tight-knit, proud little community where everyone looks out for each other that is full of people who want to continue living in a tight-knit, proud little community where everyone looks out for each other. The population at large still considers Clark one of their temporarily-displaced own and were therefore very willing to pretend to believe the “cousin” story when “Conner” showed up–right up until they found out it was NOT a story meant to help Clark’s displaced kid he’d just found out about settle into the Kent family in a low-pressure environment while he got over whatever obvious trauma had happened to him. Now? Now there are pitchforks being sharpened and torches being lit. CLARK JOSEPH KENT, YOUR HOMETOWN IS NOT MAD, JUST DISAPPOINTED. 

Kara gets to Earth on time and the Kents get a two-for-one special on free kids: Smallville is pretty sure Jonathan and Martha did NOT get this emotionally-fraught teen mom and her weird but adorable little baby from any actual adoption agency, Norwegian or not, but what’s a little illegal immigration and identity fraud between neighbors? None of THEIR business, no sir. Especially not if any strangers ever show up in town asking QUESTIONS. 

Jon and Martha, professional soulparents: Oh Jon and Martha absolutely will be clearing out the attic to make Conner a bedroom the absolute SECOND they get back to Smallville. And also being heartbroken about Clark, obviously. Everyone in Smallville is going to cry on them when they hear about Conner and be both very sad and very happy for them. And then they’re all gonna be Weird About Conner, who isn’t gonna know how to talk to ANY of them. He’s gonna get his cheek pinched by so, so many old ladies and SO many manly back-claps and it’s gonna be a pain controlling his TTK enough to actually let people do it. Meanwhile, everyone in Smallville, internally: oh he’s exactly as weird as Clark was when he first showed up, noted. Jfc, Jon and Martha, AGAIN?? WHERE DO YOU EVEN FIND THESE KIDS. 

Kon is too trans for this pregnancy shit: No one in Smallville knew a thing about Kon’s physical sex, so they’re all gonna be VERY surprised very soon, but also Smallville in general is gonna take that whole reveal like CHAMPS and just roll with it, even if it might require some people having some Talks With Their Kids And/Or Slightly Bigoted Relatives. Like, there will be a few assholes and a few over-inquisitive weirdos around, because nowhere is a monolith, but overall Smallville is gonna roll with it and be chill about it while ALSO being incredibly out of touch with the up-to-date terminology/language and having very little grasp of the minutiae of queerness in general ( aside from a couple of very quiet people who are gonna feel a WAY about finding out that Conner Kent is trans and went completely unclocked all this time, and seeing how most of the town’s taking finding out really well, and does that maybe mean . . . ). 

the one where Kon isn’t the father: Smallville has politely not asked any questions about Tim aside from if he wanted a baby shower or not, but also ALL of Smallville knows Tim was Conner’s “boyfriend” and Kyra is “his” daughter. That’s just gossip-by-osmosis that all of Smallville knows. A lot of casseroles and crocheted things and quilts have happened to the Kent household since Tim showed up pregnant and traumatized. And baby stuff donations. And babysitting offers. And general helpfulness in general. People weren’t necessarily close to Kon, but a lot of people felt very bad about what HAPPENED to Kon, especially after finding out about Kyra. Not that any of them actually KNOW what actually happened to Kon or the truth about Kyra, but that’s a clone of a different gene donor, okay?? OKAY.

[br1ghtestlight]

random thought but i love eugene mirman's gene sounds ESPECIALLY when gene is sleeping. they're so good & cute

louise tina bob and linda looking @ gene literally exactly like this when he forgets how his song goes at breakfast LMAOO

love that tina and louise seem to actually pay attention to what songs gene is writing and what they're about despite the fact that there are SO MANY. supportive family <3

gene's dream.... bro that was god speaking to you. like for real wtf

also im only a minute in and there are SO MANY good screenshots already he's such a cutie i love him so much!!!! <3 gene episodes my beloved

"Now I'm going to change into last night's pajamas, AKA my only pajamas, and brush my teeth with Tina's toothbrush because that's what I accidentally did last night."

"Wait, what?"

gene and tina are so silly?? 😭

me and gene share many similarities including waking up in the middle of the night every two hours for no fucking reason. like THATS relatable

MR AMBROSE APPEARANCE LETS FUCKING GOOO‼️‼️ why does his voice sound slightly sped up is he okay. does he have a new voice actor?? he sounds slightly off not like in a bad way its just strange

THERE WAS A NEW VOICE ACTOR BCUZ BILLY EICHNER WASNT CREDITED maybe bcuz its such a small appearance but thats very weird. i feel like mickey fans in season 12 episode 6 when loren did that horrible mickey impression 😭😭 also whoever did his voice in this episode wasnt credited so it was somebody from the main cast doing an impression of him. will try to figure out who. sorry episode review cancelled i need to figure out who the hell voiced mr ambrose in this episode

based on the fact that u cant obviously tell who it is i dont think its eugene mirman and probably not h jon benjiman?? dan mintz can only do one voice so its not him either. probably either john roberts larry murphy or a random crew member who they didnt bother to credit

(most likely billy eischner just wasn't avaliable to voice mr ambrose due to his movie career etc so i dont blame them but it was noticeable enough to ME that i needed to figure it out. not even a bad impression honestly the average fan wouldnt notice)

"What do you lucid dream about?"

"I do revenge stuff on people who were mean to me in high school, some fantasy and science fiction, some adult stuff I can't tell you about."

this is literally the gayest thing mr ambrose has ever said omg FHFMDDJKSKS i cant believe this drama club ass nerd was bullied in high school who could have guessed. not me thats for sure

(now somebody has to write a fanfic about mr ambrose having Adult Stuff dreams about mr frond. i want this on my desk by 3pm tomorrow)

love mr ambrose and his gay ass curly hair..... mr ambrose my beloved <33 kisses u

i dont have anything to say im just strangely invested in gene's lucid dreaming plot at this point. Love all his silly little dreams and its incredible he never seems to have any nightmares or anything!!

this is reminding me of the movie where gene had a dream and he was scared that he wasn't good at music and that people weren't going to like his performance and the aliens came down to told him to stop 😭😭💔 his insecurity that he might not be that good a musician literally makes me cry. he's so sweet and kindhearted my babyy boy

CAN I SKIP SCHOOL AND GO BACK TO SLEEP LMAO

"Even successful musicians went to sixth grade, Gene."

"That's a MYTH!!"

weirdly mr ambrose started sounding completely normal at some point like did his voice actor come back and just wasn't credited?? or whoever did this impression was REALLY good jfc

mr ambrose HATES these fuckign kids bro

HES SO UNHINGED LMAO 😭😭

NOT THE STARING AGAIN. why are they literally just this image every single time gene plays music in this episode im gonna cry

love this specific frame of gene running his hand through his hair

awww bob is such a good dad

sidenote but this subplot with tina and louise is so stupid it actually made me laugh LMAO the fucking girl cricket. thr female cricket. like what if he's gay huh what then

"or if she's not his type she also makes a great best friend. she's a good listener" THANK YOU louise for acknowledging the cricket might be gay. she's an ally 🙏

AWW GENE WRITING HIS SONG <3 eugene mirman isnt a Good singer (not hating he literally says that all the time. they have to record each line seperately bcuz he cant sing on key) so its hard to tell when they're trying to make gene's songs seem good or not but this is really sweet. u can tell he just loves music so much

why is gene's song kinda making me emotional..... like this show is usually 50/50 on if it actually wants to take gene's songwriting ability seriously but in this episode its so clear how much he LOVES music and songwriting and how talented he is at it. he has trouble with focus and commitment sometimes but thats never an issue when it comes to his music and he'd happily spend an entire afternoon writing a song from start to finish (even skipping out on dinner) because he was so hyperfocused. love how much respect they give gene in this episode tbh

deeply appreciate the "larry murphy as teddy" credit despite teddy not having one single line in this entire episode. Literally just a legacy credit at this point

I LOVED THIS EPISODE 😭😭💕 i dont think it'll be as widely popular as some other episodes this season but as a gene fan and an artist this episode really resonated with me. the ending sequence was actually really beautiful (gives me the same vibes as "your heart's not broken its only growing" tbh) and i loved gene's song and all the different costumes they put him in for his dreams!! tina and louise's subplot was really cute too. very enjoyable episode if you're a gene fan or just a casual viewer who wishes he got more focus. he's SO SWEET and so passionate <3

[suckitsurveys]

Words that rhyme with HALLOWEEN! 🎃 👻 by joybucket

Do you celebrate Halloween? 🎃 👻 Oh yes. Describe some of the best Halloween decorations you have ever seen. The coolest ones I’ve seen lately are Stranger Things themed houses. Have you ever dressed up as a Queen? 👸 No. …and if not, would you ever want to dress up as a queen? Eh, not really. Maybe Queen the band. Are you someone who is mean? No.

In the last costume you wore, was there any green? Nope. Do you know where exactly in your body is your spleen? I do. Have you gotten the COVID vaccine? 💉 Of course. Who in your family is or was a Marine? I don’t think anyone. Which name do you like best for a girl: Francine, Maureen, Jolene, Karlene, or Marlene? Francine or Jolene. Have you ever met anyone named Dean? Yes. What is one thing you wish you hadn’t seen? 👀 My brother in law’s face. Which name do you like best for a girl: Colleen, Kathleen, Eileen, Irene, or Janine? Irene. Did you you do anything special for your Sweet Sixteen? My sister organized a little surprise party at a pizza place with a few of my friends. What is your favorite beverage that includes caffeine? Matcha lattes. Have you ever had a friend named Christine? Acquaintances. Is your room clean? It needs some straightening up. What is one thing you find serene? Beaches. Have you ever had a friend named Selene? I had a friend named Selena in grade school. Do you own a washing machine? No. What is something you have accidentally put through a washing machine? Money. What are three things you have never been for Halloween? A super hero, anything racist, a clown. What are three things you disliked about being a teen? All of it. As a teen, did you ever read Seventeen magazine? Yeah. For support, on whom do you lean? My husband. About how many hours per day do you spend staring at a screen? 💻 📱 🖥 Almost all the hours. I work on a computer all day. Are you currently wearing jeans? 👖 Yes. On YouTube, are you a fan of Colleen? I was but I recently stumbled upon a reddit page about her and jfc. Not anymore. For shampoo, do you use Panteen? 🧴 No. Do you like the song Jolene? Yeah. When was the last time you applied sunscreen? 🧴 Sometime in September. Have you ever played the tambourine? Yeah. Not well, but I’ve played with one before. Do you like the color tangerine? Sure. Would you rather jump on a trampoline, read a magazine, or watch a movie on a big screen? Watch a movie on a big screen. Which color do you like better: tangerine or aquamarine? Aquamarine. Which name do you like best for a boy: Dean, Gene, Sheen, Eugene, or Bean? All of these suck. Would you rather eat a jelly bean or a tangerine? 🫘 🍊 Jelly bean. When was the last time you rode in a limousine? For a wedding years ago. What is your favorite foreign cuisine? Mexican or Asian. When it comes to crackers, do you like saltines? Sure. Are you addicted to nicotine? 🚬 No. Do you like the smell of gasoline? ⛽️ I do.

[thebeautyofsolitude]

Alex Watson by Lucy Carr-Ellison

[soyforramen]

“The Pincushion Man” Last ep was so football heavy I forgot to pay attention to the next episode. Whoops:

Ten minutes in and the only thing to say is Jabitha is cute y’all, even if they end up only being friends

Glen is blaming…. Hal? Who is … dead?? Glen is TBK

Ok but I’m p sure most of us have used the maple trees going dry as a plot point to some Blossom creepiness in fanfic before. What we didn’t have was Hiram in a mining hat with a pickaxe jfc this show

Maple mushrooms. That’s it. That’s the series.

Chad flew a helicopter crash while drunk, and Veronica thinks it’s because she wished him dead? What?

Idk some Varchie nonsense followed by creepy twin nonsense, I missed it because I had to chase down my mother’s puppy

Glen writes about the Cooper family serial killer ‘gene’. This is an academically approved paper. Isn’t sleeping with one of them a conflict of interest?

Glen, once more, is an ASS.

Idk something about shady military things

Chad tries too hard.

Reggie burns up the maple farm while a prison break occurs in the background

At this point I tried to explain to my mother what was happening, and her response was, “I don’t think I want to know anymore.”

Me too, mom. Me too

My dead(?) gay sons came to see their family and get married by Alice. Because Charles asked her to

Juniper obviously didn’t learn basic safety

Glen shows up and finally realizes he fucked up good

Charles decides to do a remake of Funny Games with Glen

Skipping through the Purge: Riverdale because no

Tabitha Gerald’s Game’s Jughead into writing. Except he’s haunted by the ghosts of ex’s past who turns into Mothman

Take that Stephen King

And there’s the Blossom (oc)cult I’ve always wanted

Chad is an ass. Also a terrible businessperson

Something something military bad. Archie Andrews goes to Washington, etc etc.

There’s a printer in the bunker and Jughead banged out a whole four episodes? Maybe?

Alice reads The Bad Seed. This is a reference to earlier. In case we didn’t notice Betty saying it before

Betty continues to terrify blue collar workers and sex workers. Because … ?

And it turns out Jughead has had a bad trip. In several different ways.

[thurisazsalail]

I’m tired of ‘leftist’ anti-intellectualism and America-centric xenophobia posing as liberalism.

Protip: If you are anti-academia on subjects of culture not being taught by someone genetically from that culture, even if they know nothing about the culture they are talking about and have never participated in it and were never raised with it... over someone who actually does have a background in knowledge from people of that culture who lived in it and were raised in it... you might actually be the imperialist you are talking about fighting against. You might actually be silencing the people you think you are elevating through deplatforming actual sources from the cultural background talked about, artificially holding up someone with the right genes but no heritage or ties. You might want appearance over substance to be a “good person.” Rethink your views on academia. Think critically. What sources is a person using? Does a person talk about Africa like it's a country and not a continent (ew), or does the person have a list of resources about specific cultures as spoken about by the people from those cultures? Do they make effort in finding anyone from that culture to present or speak in class, if possible? Do they show videos of those people, which are not denigrating to them? Did the person work hard to find resources for you in a language you understand, or did they work to translate for you? Or are their resources some old white dude from 200 years ago, like using the Budge translations for (ancient) Egyptian? Did they quote Fiona Graham or Liza Dalby on geisha? Because of those people is a damn liar who took a fucktonne of money and prestige from an ailing geisha house and ran, and one actually trained as an anthropologist who spent time in Pontocho, where they knew exactly what she was there for and they suggested she debuted as a geisha to better understand them. Does the person gloss over issues like war or genocide? Or do they say, "Yeah, we should probably talk about that. In fact, you can use some example from recent history to understand the attitudes a bit better. Here they are, and here are some differences. Here are some further reading (and if available, video) sources, including from the groups that got really fucked over." If you SAY you are into historybounding (taking historical elements in your wardrobe and making it ‘new’ fashion) and you want to make the frilly French dresses and the London fog coats, but don't ever want to talk about how people eventually used the Versailles floors as a latrine because of the decadence and wanton wealth they collapsed into... and how the common people suffered because of it... Or how England discriminated against it's own people heavily, relegating Jewish English people to certain neighbourhoods or refused jobs to them, or treated the Moorish-descent like shit, or actively would beat the Irish in public and stole their land... you might not be into history or culture. You might just like looking at the pretty things and copying them. You know. Probably culturally appropriating (if not borderline doing so). Not just "history bounding." People in a marginalised group often have to learn things about our own groups’ history, or else we might see "Stonewall" and believe that a white guy threw the first brick, or that "queer" is a slur. Our own people, gasp, might have to learn from... academia. And strangely, I know, it's so weird, but some of the people who teach... use primary sources (that’s sources from the time/place/people the source talks about, like Gay Manifesto written by gay man Carl Wittman)... or are closeted about being experts on the subjects... because they are talking about their own groups and STILL face discrimination and might lose those precious jobs if they are out... and they're just not identifiable by your *outsider* standards. And sorry, but if you don't know your own history, yes, you are an outsider in that sense. Yeah, I can trace some of my family lineage to Turtle Tribe Seneca. But I am an outsider because the only reservation I've ever been on is the one to Olive Garden. I might have to *gasp* turn to actual knowledgeable people to learn something about that. I can't just dress up in whatever or do whatever and say, "No, it's okay! My great-grandmother is Seneca!" and then claim not knowing better because my heritage was stolen by federal American laws. That's not how that works. There is some tentative evidence that some of my family was Jewish before hiding it and coming to America in the late 1930s. But I still have to go through an official conversion process. I still have to learn Jewish history and Jewish culture, and about Jewish diaspora issues. That’s how it works. If you are Japanese in Japan, same thing applies to certain things. Like if you are performing tea ceremony with your school, you can’t just wander in to most of them with whatever pretty kimono you want. There are rules for that. It is a language, not just a dress. You will be sent home. If you don’t want to adhere to those rules, you will not be accepted. That’s how it works. It sucks, totally. But welcome to real life. You might have to actually work at things... Including managing your feelings and not making other people responsible for them. You might have to take responsibility AND bury your ego long enough to learn from educated people. One tip is... Question sources! That was my biggest gripe ten years ago! Plenty of books about Japanese culture, and all of them with lots of white people (white according to American-centric ideas about whiteness) writing the narrative! I had to work to find books about Japanese social ideas written by Japanese authors. You might have to work, too, and not blame other people for not just *handing you shit.* But in the end, accept that other people might know more than you and that is isn't about being Uppity by nature. It's also about "I have all this, you want some?"

If you don't want to learn, then you have to leave the classroom. You can't be a child, throwing a temper tantrum. You're a grown-up. But don't just assume by someone's face that you magically already know how things will be. Ask for a list, a syllabus, a source, a curriculum vitae. That should give you some insight on what to expect. Ask for clarification. Oh, this class is teaching Arthur Conan Doyle? WHAT are they teaching about him, specifically? Erasure isn’t the answer, here. That legacy still exists.

Stick to a scope: you can't fit six books of info in one hour. You need to stay focused. That's part of learning. No "whaddabouts?" Yes, write them down and message them in! But they might not be for this specific post, lecture, or class. The class might need a thing right then, like when my Humanities prof decided that Britain just "had a skirmish" with Benin. No, they committed genocide because Benin refused to become a colony of England, and you need to know that RIGHT NOW while the class is happening, before the moment is gone or internalized. But if you have a side comment about what happened to diaspora in WW2 once they moved to Hawaii and Brazil, the focus of the class might be on experiences *in Japan* and not on diaspora. Email it. It might become another class. There isn't time for that right now. That doesn't mean the prof hates diaspora Japanese. It doesn't mean diaspora don't matter. It just means that the class is limited in focus and time, and right now, the focus isn't on diaspora. Don't make a big dramatic deal about it. Instead, idk, maybe write a well-sourced paper on diaspora experiences while fleeing hostile Showa-era takeover and release it publicly. You can just... do that. I've done that with transcripts for movies that don't have them, for essays on various topics. You can even get paid for that content! No one had to "approve" me. I put it on fucking Tumblr so everyone could have it. Open-source means something. jfc people. Stop whining. Start having open conversations instead of shutting anything new or different down. Stop the anti-intellectualism disguised as liberalism. Stop the xenophobia and nativism disguised as cultural protection. It's great when a culture decides for itself that most people (from that culture) don't want foreign interaction or interference! Leave them the fuck alone! It isn’t hard! Some cultures are closed. Some are semi-closed, like there’s certain things you can learn about or participate in but others are only for people from that background. But don't get mad when a totally different culture doesn't care or uses it for leverage. You don’t get to dismiss a different culture or denigrate them under the guise of “protecting” other POC by erasing them. And if your excuse is (Culture/group) is imperialistic/all people of ____ descent/race are _____ DUDE FIRST OF ALL WTF and second of all, let me tell you something about American history. French history. English history. There are some nuanced conversations we COULD have here, like adults. Or you could just be honest and say, “This isn’t a conversation I’d like to have right now.” That’s totally fine. Sometimes you just don’t have the spoons or time. I often don’t, being disabled. Or you could shut down like a child and say that this is fine but then mute all posts until you get your way, and anyone who posts an actual source is wrong or bad because intellectuals and experts are suspicious. Your choice. Real life is complicated. Figure it out instead of trying to reduce hard things to a box to fit in easily. Expand your world past your little tiny experiences in your own country and background. Stop assuming every fucking thing in the world works like it does in America. Stop approving/disapproving of any information that doesn’t match up with your American morality or experiences- there are *other people* that deal with things other ways than we do. Stop wholesale condemning anyone better informed than you just because of your ego. Start using some of those critical thinking skills you are supposed to have. If you don’t know how, type “critical thinking development” into youtube for tutorials. -------- Edit: hahaha I KNEW that Tumblr deleted something when it highlighted it. I just couldn’t figure out what at the time. The difference between Graham and Dalby: one worked in Pontocho as a geisha for research, and they knew that ahead of time; Graham lied her ass off to geisha and then tried to open her own house after taking only a few lessons to get famous and make a lot of money. She’s a fucking embarrassment and worse. --------------- Update 11/3 Turns out that dig I made about French costuming (a perennial fave in historybounding and historical sewing groups) and imperialism wasn’t all that far off... here’s a whole ass thread about how many fucking African presidents and leaders France has specifically killed, and how much France has done to just Africa relatively recently. That’s JUST to Africa. I bet some of my Mi’kMaq and Algonquin-descent friends would have some things to say about heritage erasure regarding the French.  https://thurisazsalail.tumblr.com/post/633807847387512832

[swynlake-spill]

Screw Robinson’s ranking. What’s your ranking of the secondary students?

Oooooo yes, I think it’s about time we get a more objective point of view around here don’t we? Now, my sources tell me that the Ashleys’ ranking system was based on a combination of style, looks, and...personality or cool points or something like that. I’m assuming that Wilbur is using about the same system and so I will honor it, but I’ll add it all up to a score out of 30 in the end! 

also this took so long will someone please venmo me a quid for coffee or something 

Bae “Nemo” Nam-min

Looks: 8/10 he’s legit hottie when he actually puts effort in 

Style: 4/10 leaves MUCH to be desired. He has two looks-- sweatpants or skinny jeans. With a friend like Finn, you’d think he’d be more educated

Personality: 7/10 He’s very easy to be friends with, but an airhead and drama magnet. Don’t be fooled by the smile-- he’s more trouble than he looks!

Overall score: 19/30, or about a 6.33 on the old scale. 

Ferbs Fletcher

Looks: 9/10 LEGS LEGS LEGS LEGS LEGS. points off for hair rip 

Style: 4/10 why are all men fashion-challenged, why are all boys addicted to the skinny 

Personality: 5/10 I honestly don’t know what to make out of Ferb b/c he’s more of a tall, mysterious type, so I’m giving him a very neutral score here. If he opened his mouth more, I might like him less. 

Overall score: 18/30! 6 even! 

Mei Kusakabe 

Looks: 8/10 EEEE she’s a real cutie with serious selfie game! 

Style: 9/10 As you all know, I’m super obsessed with her look! Point deducted for those misses, which are SERIOUS misses. Miss Mei needs to float some of those looks past a panel before strutting into school and embarrassing herself. 

Personality: 6/10 Here’s where she’s losing points and it’s because she talks to ghosts. Mei! Ignore them, jfc! Save it for your free time! 

Overall score: 23/30-- a 7.6! 

Jack-Jack Parr

Looks: 5/10 oh boy does JJ Parr need an intervention. I just don’t understand why so many boys’ mothers don’t teach them how to properly care for their hair. Honey, you need to be using a special shampoo and a mousse for those curls!! ldsajflk let me help you 

Style: 2/10 ooooh boy does JJ Par need an invention. Everything he wears looks like hand-me-downs from Dash. It was cool when Dash wore it... several years ago! 

Personality: 6/10 I think he’s funny! He’s nice! He’s um, creative! Like if I went to secondary and got paired with him on a group project, I would absolutely be doing most of the work but at least he’d probably try. Maybe? Well. I could think of people who I would want to work with less.  

Overall score: 14/30 --4.6! 

Su Qin

Looks: 7/10. My problem here has everything to do with the weird staring thing. We all know the weird staring thing. None of us like the weird staring thing. 

Style: 7/10. I like her style as I’ve said before! I think she’s super unique, but I also think she could go just that extra step further. 

Personality: 2/10. Oh honey. I hate having to score you so low, but right now your personality is if Mei’s personality was a sandwich, you’d be the crusts that no one wants to eat. 

Overall score: 16/30-- 5.3 

Brandon “Barrel” Adamson

Looks: 5/10. PLEASE CUT UR HAIR CUT UR HAIR CUT UR HAIR. There’s a cute boy under there somewhere! 

Style: 2/10 Barrel knows one colour and that colour is black. His clothes also don’t seem to fit him very well. Hey Wilbur, can you do something about this?

Personality: 2/10. It’s only fair to give him a similar score as Su, since they like each other so much. He is also the leftover crusts to Lock’s personality sandwich. 

Overall score: 9/30-- a 3. Ouch. 

Romeo “Roo” DeRosa

Looks: 8/10. He is extremely good-looking! Like that’s a smile that is doing him every favour in the world. I can certainly see why he lured an Ashley in. 

Style: 6/10. ugh all these teenage boys exhaust me with their lack of style why even bother having this as a category. what kills me is Roo’s shoes are never clean, like they’re caked with mud. Wash off your shoes!! 

Personality: 8/10. I have almost no complaints with Romeo. He’s a sweet boy, he’s hardworking, he’s funny and even talented! I also think he’s kind of gullible...might even go with stupid. You’d have to be to knock up Ashley A. 

Overall score: 22/30-- 7.3! 

Finn Flounder

Looks: 9/10 hELLO face personally i dont understand why we have not talked about Finn’s face sooner and also more, like we just have dedicated Finn Face Appreciation Time, like, I’m talking artistically speaking is anyone else with me or

Style: 10/10 Colour! Variety! Texture! Pattern! Finn knows how to pick a concept and nail it, and he makes so much of his own clothes! 

Personality: 1/10 oh right this is why we don’t talk about his face, it’s because his personality is the equivalent of the puddle of water you squeeze out of a dishrag. He is such a sweet boy with no spine whatsoever. It drive me CRaZY.

Overall score: 20/30-- 6.6 

Phineas Flynn

Looks: 7/10. He is cute! He has a perfectly pleasant face with nice features. He is tall, though not as tall as Ferb. He looks, in a word, harmless. 

Style: 5/10. Once again, he looks like his mother dresses him, and I mean sometimes that’s a blessing because who knows what he’d look like if his mother didn’t dress him, but way to look like 95% of the teenage male population. 

Personality: 6/10. Phineas is charming, but only if you talk to him for about 20 minutes. After twenty minutes, there’s this quality in his voice that will worm inside your head and get stuck there. It’s like nails on the chalkboard. Once you hit forty minutes, you’ll realize he’s still talking (though you haven’t said anything in over twenty minutes), and that he really loves to hear himself talk so then it just becomes an exercise in watching Phineas impress himself. 

Overall score: 18/30--6, like his brother. Appropriate! 

Haley Long

Looks: 8/10. She’s hella cute! She’s got to be, sharing the genes of one hottie Jake Long! 

Style: 8/10. She’s got the whole ‘am i gay’ vibe going for her, which I love. I love when I can’t tell, when it’s like, does she like flannel, or is an avid fan of Lost Girl? She went with Ashley A to prom, so I mean we know she’s at least a LITTLE wlw--I’m getting off track, the point is, I’m into her masculine-feminine energies. 

Personality: 5/10. Hayley confuses me. Like, on one hand--she went to prom with Ashley A so maybe she’s an insane person. On the other hand, she ended up with Vee at the end of prom, so maybe...oh yeah, she’s still an insane person. She feels unpredictable, and maybe in a good way, but also maybe I need to run for my life. Haven’t decided! 

Overall score: 21/30-- 7! 

Dewford “Dewey” Mallard

Looks: 5/10. The Mallard boys are very interesting looking to me, like they have some of the most beautiful hair in Secondary but they prove time and time again they have absolutely no idea what to do with it. They’re also tall, but so skinny, like slendermen. Would like to enroll them all in a zumba class, maybe even yoga. 

Style: 5/10. I’ll be honest, my eyes glaze over when I look at Dewey/Huey b/c the only difference between them is the general colour scheme. I like that they do TRY for some individuality. 

Personality: 4/10. Dewey is...quiet. And weird. And alone a lot. He actually concerns me a little bit, like is he okay...? It’s not really my job to know, but it should be someone’s! 

Overall score: 14/30-- 4.6 

Hubert “Huey” Mallard

Looks: 5/10 please see above 

Style: 5/10 please see above

Personality: 8/10. I like to think of Huey as the capable, family-friendly Mallard. He’s like a glass of milk with a chocolate biscuit. Everyone likes it, even if it’s not everyone’s favourite dessert. I mean, he’s smart, interesting, he has a wide group of friends! If I had to choose anyone to be put on a group project with, it would be Huey Mallard 

Overall score: 18/30-- 6!  

Llewellyn “Louie” Mallard

Looks: 5/10. u know what to do 

Style: 7/10. GASP. Yes! A decent score! I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Louie tries to have a unique style. He experiments, he’s not scared of looking like an idiot--he often looks like an idiot-- but he at least intrigues me. And next to so many boys who literally don’t know what they’re doing, he really stands out from the pack. 

Personality: 6/10. While Huey is family-friendly, Louie is an acquired taste. You might really like all those wacky Louie antics, or maybe you’re allergic! He’s definitely trouble all the way around, so my personal opinion is that he’s best in small doses.

Overall score: 18/30-- 6! 

Moon Yeongtae

Looks: 7/10. He pisses me off actually because he’s genuinely quite a handsome boy who is genuinely trying to look as un-handsome as possible. I should put this way lower out of sheer spite, but I want to encourage the rest of the teen population to exercise because at least Tae has that going for himself. Take the Mallards to the gym, Tae!

Style: 3/10. He also only knows the colour black and I think I’ve seen him in jeans three times in my life. I’ve never seen a boy so dedicated to sweatpants as a personality trait

Personality: 5/10. Speaking of personality, sweatpants isnt a personality trait! What’s his other personality trait? Arguing with people? Grunting? 

Overall score: 15/30-- 5. 

Pearl Park 

Looks: 10/10. YES our first perfect score! But is there any question when you have a face like that? Just check out her insta. The likes speak for themselves. She’s GLOWING, she’s RADIANT, she’s going to bring this school to its knees

Style: 8/10. Obviously she has more style than 80 percent of this list. It’s only this low because we haven’t seen her full potential yet, or so I like to think. She’s playing it very safe, even if she’s playing it in her own league. I would like to see her push the envelope!

Personality: 7/10. Once again, this is low because we are still getting to know the alluring Miss Park. She seems to be super nice! No enemies yet. But I know there’s something spicy hiding under all the new girl niceties. I would also like to see it! 

Overall score: 25/30-- 8.3

Pip Seville

Looks: 7/10. Personally, I like he’s adorable! He might not be topping any Most Handsome Buzzfeed lists anytime soon nor is he anyone’s secret crush but we love a boy who had good hygiene and perfect skin! 

Style: 9/10. Yes yes yes!!! He might be a theatre kid cliche, but I’ll take one of those over another awful pair of joggers! Pip would never wear all black unless he’s in tech rehearsal, and we respect that. 

Personality: 6/10. Soooo he’s pretty loud and a bit of a risk, like if you partnered with him on a school project, the odds of you getting an A are very high, but the odds of you crying by the end of it because you didn’t meet his expectations are also very high. So you know....take your chances. 

Overall score: 23/30-- 7.6! 

Wilbur Robinson

Looks: 8/10. Well OBVIOUSly Wilbur is a hottie. Did I deduct points for his new hair. Maybe I did. 

Style: 9/10. FINALLYYYY Yet another boy who can dress and dress well! It helps that he can afford nice things of course, but you also have to know how to WEAR the nice things, and Wilbur does. 

Personality: 7/10. Wilbur is funny, opinionated, stubborn, a go-getter, generous, and these days, even charitable (those are two different things). Does Wilbur have flaws? Sure. But from what I’ve seen in my ask box, people can’t decide what those flaws are. Is he ... too nice? No wait, he’s actually too mean! He’s an asshole, oh wait, he’s a simp for Barrel. Bla bla bla. Point is, if you add everything up, he’s a decent dude. I don’t agree with all his choices, but I’d also rather hang out with Wilbur than most people on this list! 

Overall score: 24/30-- an 8! 

Ariel Triton

Looks: 4/10. Boy did the Tritons really mess it up on this one!! I love the pixie cut, but Ariel always lets it grow too long and doesn’t keep up with it. It’s like at this point just shave your head-- tbh, i bet you’d look pretty good. 

Style: 4/10. BOY of all the girls she really has no idea what she’s doing either. I admire Alana and Adella deeply for letting Ariel find herself in her own time. I’m just hoping it’s going to work out at this point, maybe we’ll transition from Dumpster Girl to punk rock when they actually get the band going. 

Personality: 6/10. You know, I have a healthy level of respect for Ariel. Some people will say she is too fightey, but she stands up for her friends and her beliefs! I’m into that. I mean, she’s usually wrong, but at least she has conviction. 

Overall score: 14/30-- 4.6 

[tellywoodtrash]

khkt 19.09.19 lb

how the fuck has this fool gotten away with multiple affairs if he's this bad at sneaking around? lol, what a loser.

"tu iss waqt yahaan?”, he asks his brother standing in front of his own damn house. mensa candidate of the year, this one.

"main bohut confused hoon."

"aaaah. join the gang."

lol. idiocy runs in the sippy genes.

"karne KUCH gaya tha; ho kuch AUR hi gaya." trollolololol i am really enjoying this.

HEY. NO. YOUR THING IS NOT LIKE HIS THING, YOU LYING, CHEATING MANWHORE.

not so subtle warning that rohit will absolutely not stand for fuckery within marriage.

"loyal hoon main." yeah, to your dick maybe.

YES THE SCENE I HAVE BEEN WAITING MOST FOR.

yessssssssssss sumannnnnnnnn, go offffffff ma.

woooooooop. i'm not for hitting your kids irl, but tellywood mein chalta hai. especially when your crotch-goblin, like this one here, really deserves it.

also lmao, suman ne aisa lagaaya ki pari got sent to the shadow realm.

waah kya safaai se jhoot bolti hai even under the influence. she’ll make a fantastic actor!

i mean she's not wrong, and suman needed to hear it that she can't be controlling grownass adults, but i also feel like this is just gonna go on to reinforce suman's belief that controlling a kid's life makes a good girl like sona, whereas giving free rein creates this kinda monster.

lo gir gayi.

BITCH DON'T YOU TOUCH PULKI LIKE THAT.

suman's chickens have come home to roost. isse kehte hain karma.

this is his romantic life analysis spot. whenever something momentous happens regarding his relationship status, it's on this balcony.

lmaooooooooo he really cannot close his eyes anymore without having a powerpoint slideshow of sona run.

askdjhsajfhaskjdfhdskfhjk

ofc his alter ego is a SMUGGER bastard than he is.

"tv nahi dekhte ho na, iss liye. apni sona se pooch lo; usne toh badi badi problems solve kiye hain, apne aap se baat karke." bwahahahahahahaha.

"don't! overreact!" HELLO KETTLE, THIS IS POT, YOU'RE BLACK.

alter ego is not only smugger, but also bougier; the deliberate, accented mispronunciations of the dramatic hindi words like "dhoka". i can't stop cackling like an insane person.

"itni simple si baat samajh mein nahi aati tumhe? doctor kisne banaaya?"

"bohut hi rude ho yaar!" 

AB SAMJHE????? KI TUMSE NIPATNA KITNAAAAAAAAAA MUSHKIL HAI??? KABHI KHUD KO BHI SEH LIYA KARO, JAISE BAAKI KARTE HAIN.

"tumhara hissa hoon na, rude toh hoonga hi!" askldjksjlskjfdsfj

alter!rohit is so much smarter. can we have him instead of this other fool?

omfg is he comparing raima to a plant? rude.

"kabhi kabhi lagta hai ki raima nahi, tum coma mein ho."

gotdamn. this one dropping truth bombs like an american drone over a brown country with oil reserves.

"sirf rearview mein dekh ke gaadi nahi chala sakta koi. ayeeee, tumhe toh gaadi chalaani nahi aati." LMAOOOO OMG THE WAY ALTER!ROHIT IS ROASTING HIM.

alter!rohit is like bohut ho gayi bakchodi, i have a life unlike you, soooo.... chalo rapid fire.

"fiqar hoti hai uski?"

"of course, haan."

"apne aap se zyaada?"

"ABSOLUTELY." my god the conviction with which he said that!!!!!! rohit, you absolute moppet.

lo ji, ho gaya issue ka samaadhaan.

"i love sonakshi????????"

lmaoooooooooo the dramatic asshole, echoing "accept it! enjoy it! accept it! enjoy it!"

mum-daughter bonding timeeeeee!

"nashe mein hi sahi, lekin bilkul sahi baat boli hai woh. woh meri sona nahi hai."

HALLELUJAH! FINALLLLLLLLLLLLY. SONA KI KEEMAT BADH GAYI HAI ISS HOUSEHOLD MEIN!

lmao pari take zimmedaari for the house. ho hi chuka.

protip to all girls, via sona and tt: marry a dude who makes your family a priority, instead of subscribing to that shaadi ke baad, sasuraal hi tumhara ghar hai bullshit.

ooooooooh, mummy has prepared for eventuality that rohit will be the ladka.

aankh milaake toh bolo, saaf saaf dikh raha hai ki jhoot bol rahi ho.

mummy knows best. also i like how she said "emotionally involve". it's more accurate for what's happening here than just "pyaar".

notice how she specified that sona should end it *IF* it's "ek tarfa pyaar". not the same tune she was singing an hour ago about never marrying sona off to a sindhi.

WHERE HAS THIS SORTED, PRAGMATIC, YET LOVINGLY STERN SUMAN BEEN ALL THE TIME?!?!?!? I HAVE WANTED TO SEE HER FOR MONTHSSSSSS NOWWWWWWW. THANK YOU BAPPA KE AAP JAATE JAATE YEH DE GAYE!

yup. end this shittttttttttttttttt. good call. get some me-time; ask star plus to send parvati off to switzerland like they did prerna. aaraam se ghoom phir ke aana.

look at this cheesyass mfer.

"i love sona."

ohhhhhhhhhh boy.

JFC SHE'S..... VERY ANNOYING.

.... this is 4 years back right??? why is she dressed like aishwarya in action replayy, like it’s the 70s????

ugh ok i don't like her immature ass. is she the same age as rohit? max 2 - 3 saal choti hogi? why she acting like a fucking teenager?

arre waaaaaah, coma gave her ESP, she knows that rohit's moving on without her permission.

i propose a steel cage death match: the annoying senguptas. raima and her mom fight to the death so that we have to tolerate only ONE of their annoying asses in the show instead of both.

guess tanaaz is off to shoot something else?

small mercies: akash is finally over his petty little grudge with nishi.

is the rest of the episode just this??? saying bye to nishi????

ouff fwding.

"agar tumne roya, toh tumhe airport drop karne suman rastogi aayegi." lmaoooooooooooo i love yk.

oh hooooooooo, new watch.

ouff shut up naren.

mummy is having a shipper moment.

lol look how happy she is. and his face, knowing that she already knows what's in it.

the music is too sappily senti, middle class types, for a super rich dude putting on a watch that costs a minimum of 5 lakhs.

purest mom. so much softness between the two of them. ugh i wanna squish them both in to a nice hug sandwich.

LMAO WHAT, SAMUNDAR MEIN PHENK DI???? ISKE BEECH TU BEACH KAB GAYA?????????????

"chariyo! aath laakh ki ghadi thi!!!!!!!!!!!"

aslfkdjdlfjdslfjdslk i am veena. BITCH OLX NAAM KI BHI KOI CHEEZ HOTI HAI.

i don't really think he threw it away. he's just doing it to get a rise out of his mom, the brat.

but also my question is this; raima looks to be from a pretty middle class family, and she wanted to be an air hostess. HOW THE FUCKKKKKKK DID SHE AFFORD A WATCH THAT COSTS EIGHT FUCKING LAKHS?!?!?

no i have no such advice for you. jo plan hai, woh achcha hai. friend-zone his ass for a while.

"yeh naatak sirf naatak nahi hai, taqleef hone lagi hai mujhe." ouch. my poor girl.

lol pulki wants internship with rohit. great. WILL YOU PPL LET THIS POOR GIRL LET GO OF THIS GUY?!!?

———————————————————————

either sonakshi ran her the fuck over, or raima too is a KPK fan, even though she's been in a coma for the whole duration of its run. SUCH IS THE POWER OF PARVATI!

[yakumtsaki]

I only call you when it's half past five, the only time that I'll be by your side, I only love it when you touch me, not feel me, when I'm fucked up, that's the real me, when I'm fucked up, that's the real me, BABE ♪

Here we fucking go again, desperately trying to make the fuckboi wolf commit to a serious relationship. My plan to turn Komei into a werewolf crashed and burned last generation and Jojo has had the want locked for like 10 years and it just won’t fucking happen. I’ve never had a non-cheaty werewolf in this game, I don’t know how other people do it but I’m having a ridic hard time with it. Victor’s ghost is judging me and who can blame him.

Speaking of, Shajar’s makeover is this wolf shirt, and yes, full shade intended. I still can’t believe she rolled popularity, way to single out your weakest spot and make it your life’s purpose. I mean that would be like Wyatt rolling fam-  ..nevermind.

UGH. Will you pick a fucking attitude and stick with it you furry asshole??? 

What kind of defective cuck wolf even is this. He won’t befriend us but he won’t attack either, he just sits around with his plastic bone playing house. USELESS. I didn’t know it was possible to hate a digital animal this much..

..but here comes Maxx to defy all expectations. Happy birthday Maxx, you look so wholesome and Lassie-like, I’m sure life with you will be like a vacation!

LOL. Is antagonizing Sophie really how you want to start your adult life, Maxx?? Well I guess having eyes is overrated.

SOPHIE WTF. You beat Victor but can’t take on this flop? Where is your holy warrior spirit??

- I’m old af and starting to worry about my eternal soul, so I’m literally turning the other cheek.

Nice, thanks for nothing. God I miss Victor.

Man, Maxx has ISSUES. He doesn’t even have a mean personality or a bad relationship with the cats, why are you like this you freak??

NOOOO not the fucking pet fight club again omg MAXX YOU DICK

Great, amazing job, Goro! The real Goro is rolling in his grave. All this went down in literally under a minute after Maxx grew up, talk about determination. 

-HA, kneel before Zod!

That’s not even from Mortal Kombat, Maxx, god, can you not make this worse than it is?

-Yea like I give a shit, what am I, some kind of fatass nerd cat?? I’m a dog, bitch, I like running..

Omg.

-And playing outside..

OMG.

-And being affectionate to my owners!

STOP. Christ, what kind of monster have I brought into our lives???

-One day in and I’m already the alpha.. Who’s a good boy? Who’s a good boy? Oh yes, Maxx is.. The best boy. And soon this cat legacy.. will be history.. the Age of Dog.. is finally.. upon us. 

💔💔💔💔💔

Not that we needed further proof that Maxx was given to us straight out of Satan’s unholy womb, but guess who else loves him on top of Cyneswith?? Why, Wyatt, of course, chief of police married to a serial killer, truly the best judge of character the world has ever known. Show me your friends..

..and I’ll show you who you are. UGH DAGMAR

-As a mailwoman I’m programmed to hate your kind, but I feel such a connection between us.. It’s like the universe conspired-

GTFO. Don’t test me, istg I’ll marry you in..

..you actually don’t look half bad compared to what else is out there. Shajar brings Toadface McBooberson here home from school which. why does bigger cleavage clothing even exist for teens and why do I have it, I really need to stop downloading default replacements in the dark. Anyway, hope you’re all ready for the adventure called ‘What is Shajar’s sexual orientation/does she even have one’!

Ugh, this certainly feels familiar. Shajar please, PLEASE fight your Jojo genes, I mean everyone loves Cyneswith, this is shaping up to be Gunter/Jojo volume 2 AND I CAN’T DEAL WITH IT AGAIN

-So, Butterface, my ambition in life is to have my own music theme play whenever I enter a room, like Darth Vader or Mary Poppins-

-Isn’t the sound of people already in the room sighing enough of a theme for you?

-Well it looks like one little frog around here isn’t getting turned into a princess!

Yea, I really don’t know what I expected?? Those who do not learn history are doomed to repeat it.

Speaking of daddy dearest, let’s check in. How’s it going, Jo? Great? Thought so, ok bye-

-DON’T YOU DARE PAN AWAY AND LEAVE ME TO MY MISERY MY ASPIRATION IS SCARLET RED

I’m sorry Jo but I’m a hear no evil, see no evil, spend-legacy-time-on-no-evil type of bitch and your life just bums me out at this point. But if it’s any consolation, it’s all your fault!

-HOW THE HELL IS IT MY FAULT I DIDN’T SIGN UP FOR THIS BULLSHIT

Um, YEA YOU DID. This is generation 2, we’re barely middle class and being heir is quite literally a shit job. Of course you could have minimized the impact had you chosen someone else to marry, but you just HAD to have Wyatt Narcolepsy Monif so.. talk to you later?

-Wyatt I’m worried our ship is sinking and no amount of rotting birthday cake can ease the pain.

-Oui, my estomac hurts toό.. Nothing 14 heures of sleepé won’t remédit of coursé :)

-DIDN’T NEED SUCH A GRAPHIC REMINDER THAT LIFE IS GARBAGE

God, wtf more do you want, 15k and still whining-

-OH. Well this just has Wyatt written all over it, but omg he tried to do a household task, just got confused at the very end. Bravo, leaps and bounds!

Meanwhile Shajar is having a successful interaction with a family member!! It’s a toddler who can’t get away, but whatever, it counts. Looks like this is a game-changing night for everyone.

-YES IT REALLY IS.

Jojo how about you take a page out of Komei’s book and devote your leftover energy to cats or cooking contests or banging Marissa Bendett instead of this constant, obnoxious guilt-tripping?? Man I really didn’t appreciate Komei while I had him.

7 a.m., the usual morning lineup, start on the chores and sweep 'till the floor's all clean, polish and wax, do laundry, and mop and shine up, sweep again, and by then it's like 7:15,  

and so I'll read a book, or maybe two or three, I'll add a few new paintings to my gallery, I'll play guitar and knit, and cook and basically-

-just wonder when will my life begin? ♪

And of course that’s Victor making his nightly appearance and helping put Jojo out of his misery. What a sweetheart!

With the addition of Wulf and his 10 active points generation 3 has officially evolved past sleep, we’re talking 10/10/9 (Shajar you lazy bum) and it’s seriously exhausting. You know how when sims are asleep you can check your phone or eat smth or w/e, yea that’s simply not happening anymore, I’m in constant vigilance all night long..

..and thank god because otherwise I would have missed Allegra and Victor’s ghosts playing??? WTF MAXIS. I’ve never seen this before and it’s the rare combo of sad and adorable. Right in the feels ❤️💔

THAT WASN’T AN INVITATION TO EXPRESS YOUR SADNESS FOR THE MILLIONTH TIME JOJO

Oh “ok” it’s a cockroaches related freak-out. I don’t see anyone else crying over them but that’s Jojo for you. Exterminator bro if you’re that grossed out by a pile of dead insects I have some bad news for you regarding your profession. And while we’re on the topic of professions and crying:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. You may recall that Wyatt has been one promotion away from his LTW for about 150 years and all we’ve been doing since is trying to amass the 8 friends needed for it. Welp, we finally got them through our blood, sweat and tears, so what does Wyatt do the day he was supposed to get promoted?? Get fired of course, what else! 

Honestly I’m not even mad, this truly is like the culmination of everything we know Wyatt to be. I mean just cast your minds back to the final moments of this post. We knew what we were getting into. Rock on, Wyatt!

-Nό, there is no disgracéd police capitaine in this maison! Quelle?? I’m not even Français! Et toi shouldn’t be calling personnes at 5 p.m when everyόné is sound asleép!

Time for the black sheep to get the full Kylo Ren treatment. Looking good, Shaj! Now let’s put that hot makeover to use-

-NO.

Here we go, HUMAN contact. Toadface was a bust so let’s try a dude. Shajar do you mind talking about something other than your dead pets??

-But I don’t want to talk about anything else!

Yea and I don’t want to overstate things but I’m getting the distinct feeling finding you a partner is gonna make Daniel’s run at it look like Californication.

Well, the data we’ve gathered so far points to Shajar being a noogiesexual, I’m sure somewhere on tumblr there already exists a pride flag for it. 

That’s right, mop up the dog piss from that grass and think about the face you present to the world.

HOW IS YOUR ASPIRATION GONE TO SHIT AGAIN. WTF ARE YOU DOING WHEN I’M NOT LOOKING, GOING AROUND FACING YOUR FEARS?? JFC

-I have a perma fear of leading the miserable life I’m trapped in.

-Oh look, my kid is potty trainted and I get 5k points.. I’m soooo happy... Definitely don’t miss my serial killer days...

Ok I can’t take this anymore, either Wyatt will have to take up more household duties..

..or we can aim for something within the realm of reality and build a robot servant instead. And if you’re thinkering you’re not whining! Everyone wins.

In the dead of the night, a time when only 12 year old children are awake and watching god knows what-

-Game of Thrones! Team Stark!

Ugh, of course you are-

-Wulf grows up! 

-Woo happy birthday Wulf! Don’t even try to come for my golden child crown, I’m as perfect as my grades.

I don’t like what Game of Thrones is doing to you, Cyn.

First thing Wulf does after his pj makeover is head for the keyboard, which makes the choice for his general makeover clear as day:

Wulf...Wolf...WOLFGANG. I mean, some things are just written in the stars..

..AND SOME THINGS AREN’T, in this case Shajar’s dating life. We get another Butterface McBooberson (wtf is it with this dress in this town) but this one is also sporting terrible hair as a bonus. Score!

Great, we’ve moved from music themes to dead pets to world domination. At least we’re committing to the Kylo persona. Butter 2.0 is into it?? Get a grip girl.

-Um why do you think I have this last century hair? I’m very into monarchy.

This is not only going non-disastrously but dare I say, well?? I can’t tell if I want it to work or not though, on one hand I’ve made my feelings about this face template abundantly clear.. on the other hand this is the first human (except her 10 nice point sister) to like Shaj.. 

..thankfully it looks like there’s no need to solve that dilemma after all. Btw at the time of this writing I literally still don’t know if Shajar is into girls or dudes, or both. No reaction to anyone whatsoever. 

Meanwhile even after the noogie Butter is super receptive and doesn’t hate us? I was as shocked as you are, if we were rich I’d think she has some ulterior motive but nop, it’s just low standards. God bless them-

-cause we made our first friend!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank the fucking lord Shajar’s LTW isn’t friend related, take a wild guess what it is instead.. And of course, the answer is ‘become Mayor’. I can just see the banner now: ‘vote Shajar Union or face the deadly consequences’.

-Ahh my dear, finally, no screaming toddlers ruining my life while you pretend you can’t hear them.. Now I can slowly start un-resenting you.. Maybe there’s hope for this marriage after all..

Not if Cyneswith has anything to do with it! After spending her entire childhood cockblocking by sleeping in her parents’ bed, she literally grew up just as they were about to woohoo for the first time in 10 years. how in character. Wanna know what isn’t in character??? Hold on to your seats, everyone..

............

....................................

..............................................

OK THEN. Much like Wolfgang there is but one appropriate look for the above:

Did anyone think fucking Lolita Cyneswith was remotely possible, let alone probable?? ROMANCE?? And into the elderly???? I thought that combo was bad enough, I mean then you bring in the tinkering factor on top of it and it’s like, Waylon Fairchild and college profs won’t know what hit them.. How naive I was. Things can always, always get worse, and in this family, they usually do. You can probably tell where I’m going with this.. Fast forward a few days and the LTW shows up..

..........................................yup. You know it’s been months and you’d think I’d have articulated a response by now that isn’t just screaming or miscellaneous incoherent sounds, and yet! what can I say, sometimes emotions are so powerful that words fail us. In lieu of a written reaction please listen to this song after the specified time stamp. It’s 3 minutes long and the only lyric is ‘oh no’.

[fanatic-writers]

Short Stuff

A/n: So I kinda wrote this differently than my other fics and IDK how I feel about it just yet but last time I read through it I remember liking it. Truthfully I’ve had this done for awhile and forgot to post it. Sorry to @milleniumxhan for the wait.

Request: @milleniumxhan Heyyyyy!!!! Could you do a Thor x reader where you're really short (okay me like im 5'1) and like he finds it hella adorable and the when the other Avengers tease you he gets all defensive and yeah. Thanks <3

Warnings: none 

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was yet another Sunday morning at the Avengers which meant a “family” breakfast. You, Nat, and Wanda started on the pancakes and waffles as Tony and Steve worked on the bacon and sausage. The others were setting up the table and sipping coffee. Once the food was ready, everyone gathered in a line and made plates the filed into the dining room. To say you hated these meals was an exaggeration but you didn’t like them much either, especially when pancakes were served which is when the jokes started because someone had the bright idea to call you “short stack” one time and not surprisingly the name suck. It wasn’t that you couldn’t handle yourself you just would rather eat in peace than listen to the Avengers think they were funny, especially Tony.

“Y/n, you can’t eat that, it’s cannibalism” Tony smirked at you

“You know what they say, you are what you eat,” you replied taking your place at the table.

“So that’s why you’re so short?” Bucky asked. He may have been nice most of the time, but he could be an ass just like anyone else

“Yeah I ate too many pancakes, and it shrunk me,” you deadpanned

‘Don’t let those fools bother you Y/n,” Thor said taking a seat beside you

“I don’t,” you said, “I’ve had plenty of idiots think it's funny that I’m small but what they don’t realize is I’m the perfect height to kick their ass.”

Thor chuckled, and the rest of the meal was filled with talks of missions and stupid things Steve did.

This is it you thought I hate being short. You were currently standing on a box you found on top of a chair because someone decided to stash the chocolate in the highest shelf.

“Need some help there, little one?” Thor asked

“I got it.” you huffed “and you too? I thought you were above name calling?"

“I don't understand?” Thor said moving closer to your makeshift step stool “Little one,” you said as you grabbed the chocolate, leapt off the box making it and the chair move. Luckily, you ended up safely on the ground.

“I didn't mean to offend you Lady Y/n.” Thor replied sincerely

“It's alright,” you said “it's better than shorty or smol bean.”

“If the others ever bother you let me know,” Thor told you “I'll try to put an end to it”

“Thanks but it's fine really I don't mind” you replied

“If you put your elbow on my head one more time I swear!” you growled shrugging Clint’s arm off of you

“Sorry Y/n I don't mean to you're just the perfect height” the archer smiled

You grumbled a response and glared at the man child next to you. During your sparring session with Clint Thor walked into the practice room just in time you watch you pin Clint to the ground after a swift kick to his ankles that made him lose balance

“This is punishment for using me as an arm rest” you smiled as you got off the floor and made your way to the exit

“It would do you well to treat Lady Y/n with respect Hawkeye” you heard the god say.

“I respect her” Clint responded “she's just so small sometimes I forget she can kick my ass”

“Small and adorable” you heard the thunderer say, making you stop in your tracks and make your way into a better hearing distance

“Adorable?” Clint said “does someone have the heart eyes for our little Y/n?”

“Of course not she's just small and cute. She needs to be protected sometimes and if I'm the one that has to do it then-” Clint cut him off

“You totally have heart eyes for Y/n,” He said “ask her out I'm sure she'll say yes”

“How would you know,” Thor asked

“Cause I'm pretty sure she has heart eyes for you too big guy” at that you left. Of course you liked Thor but he was just a friend or at least that's what you thought. Once your mind was openeded to the idea of having something more with the god it ran wild.

It was moments like these when you praised your genes for making you short. Weaving in and out of the crowd of people was easy and it made for a simple getaway. Two hydra agents were following you but it didn't take long to lose them as you pushed your way through a gap. The only downside, Thor couldn't keep his eyes on you. You had watched him fly off around the time the agents showed up and although he offered you a ride you declined. You only knew this upset him after you had escaped and after he spent a half hour trying to find you. You were already in the plane when he got back.

“What took you so long?” You asked smirking at the blonde before you

“I was looking for you,” Thor said his eyes searching you for possible wounds “why didn't you tell me where you were going?”

“Because if Hydra heard they would fund us and then we'd both be in trouble.” you shrugged “I don't know what the big deal is” that was a lie, a blatant lie, you knew exactly why he was mad.

“I could've lost you Y/n” his words confirmed your thoughts

“So” you stated simply. You needed him to admit his feelings to you, not just to Clint

“So that would've been horrible,” the god paused “Imagine what the others would think if I lost you”

“What about what you would think?” you asked

“I imagine I'd be upset” Thor sounded confused

“Why” you asked

“Because you're my friend” Thor hesitated

“Wrong,” You said “tell me the truth”

“That is the truth” he was more confused now

“The whole truth” you demanded “I know what you said to Clint that day I pinned him. I know you like me so tell me.”

“I don't just like you Y/n. I think I'm in love with you” he looked down at his hands

“Good” you smiled “because I think I'm in love with you too.”

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A/n: I hope you enjoyed this I know it’s a bit different. Requests are open, and I’m slowly working through the few I have rn but feel free to send some in if you have an idea. Love you all! -G

tags: @ws-lover-245 (I remembered JFC it’s a miricle. If you want to be added to our tag list let me know)

[cha-inyeon]

tagged by @i-liu-you (like honestly such a cute human??? layla ilysm thank u for always crying with me about anything and everything)

Nickname: Cheltz, Chelshire 

Zodiac sign: Aries

Height: 5′7″

Orientation: Demisexual

Nationality: American

Favorite Fruit: Uhhh? I like all fruits i honestly can’t choose one uh... watermelon? strawberries? grapes? THEY’RE ALL WONDERFUL

Favorite Season: Spring and summer

Favorite Flower: Sunflowers

Favorite Scent: Clean laundry, books, the smell after it rains

Favorite Animal: Cats, sloths, giraffes, manatees (HOLY FRICK WHEN I WENT TO KOREA A FEW WEEKS AGO I SAW MANATEES AT THE AQUARIUM FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE OMFG I ACTUALLY TEARED UP LIKE I HONESTLY NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD GET TO SEE ONE????)

Favorite Colors: Pinks, purples, light blues  

Coffee, Tea, or Hot Cocoa?: Hot cocoa 

Average Sleep Hours: Usually around 6 or 7 these days 

Cat or Dog: Cat cat cat cat cat cat 

# of Blankets: Usually just one but if the temperature drops i can easily pile on like 5 or 6 until i’m basically crushed lmao 

Dream Trip: I’ve already been to Korea a few times so i would have to say a tour around Europe and Asia?? like to just go all over and see all the historic sites and try all these new foods and experience so many different cultures i think it would be amazing tbqh

Blog Created: oh god i don’t even remember, like sometime in 2013 maybe???? or maybe it was before then jfc i don’t even know 

Favorite song at the moment: ARCHANGELS OF THE SEPHIROTH BY STELLAR, IF YOU HAVEN’T LISTENED TO IT YET DO YOURSELF A FAVOR AND GO WATCH THE MV 10 TIMES AND SHOWER MY QUEENS IN THE LOVE AND APPRECIATION THEY DESERVE THEY’RE SO TALENTED IM SHOOK AF

Number of followers: 1,208 (idk what u guys are doing here but thank u and welcome and let me love u pls and thanks) 

Favourite bands: VIXX, Apink, BTOB, Stellar, Dreamcatcher, Infinite, Astro, SF9, Monsta X, SHINee, Block B, Pentagon, BTS, Cross Gene, Day6, Epik High, Mamamoo, KNK and honestly like 239439 more 

Favourite solo artists: I LOVE IU SO MUCH LIKE I WOULD FREAKING SACRIFICE MY LIFE FOR HER SHE’S SO PRECIOUS I’M CRI and i also really like Lee Hi, K.Will, Zion T, Roy Kim, Jung Joonyoung..........

Song stuck in my head: Stellar’s archangels of the sephiroth has been in my head since yesterday tbqh 

Last movie I watched: uhhhh omf i dont even remember. when i was on the plane home from korea they were playing some movie called “the founder” about the people who created Mcdonald’s?? i only watched like the last half tho 

Last tv show I watched: “Circle: Two Worlds Connected” aka my fave kdrama right now and i highly recommend it and its amazing and the last episode just came out and IM NOT READY TO SEE HOW IT ENDS JFC 

What stuff do you post: like 95% vixx (mostly me crying over hakyeon) with a dash of the million other bands i stan and a healthy dose of girl group love??

When did your blog reach its peak: maybe when i made that one gifset of hakyeon being fcking adorable and it got like over 2,100 notes (x) ?? oh and also that cross gene gifset of them saying “i love you” to each other and being really hella fcking gay about it (x)  

Do you have any other blogs: uhhhhhhhhh i do have a vixx fanfic blog but that’s highly classified information 

Do you get asks regularly: hahaha...ha...ha...h...a.... no 

Why did you choose your url: the “cha” is for hakyeon’s family name, and then “inyeon” is one of the korean words meaning ‘fate/destiny’ and hakyeon said it was fate that he met his fans so.... yeah 

Following: 300

Posts: 27,392

Hogwarts house: a very proud Ravenclaw

Pokemon team: i don’t know???? i have honestly never played pokemon in my life and i don’t really know very much about it?? 

Lucky numbers: 7

What are you wearing right now: just comfy loose pajama pants and a tanktop bc i recently got the worst sunburn of my life on my legs and shoulders so if any tight-fitting clothing touches it i actually want to die :)))) 

tagging: @jimintoxication , @reila-ravkong , @chkyeon , @hongboob-yeah , @inmyownfiction , @williamteaspears , @lattaekwoonie , @we-pray-for-our-sorrows-to-end , @hakyeonforpresident , @kpop-fangirl-epicness , @novio-dae , @brekineee

[notsoheadless]

Okay so the other night I watched the whole debate and here were the things Jontron said that got me. They’re under the cut cause it’s so much. My favorites are bolded. If it doesn’t specify a speaker that means Jontron said it. They all have timestamps so you can’t say I just took these out of context lol. This reads kinda like a liveblog. (Disclaimer: I don’t agree with everything Destiny said, but gotdamn at least he was competent and Not An Asshole. If you watch the video, TW for ablest slurs.) 

“Whites becoming a minority in the country that they built” (10:20)

(These next three things happen in like the same 3 minutes jfc) (EDIT: after coming back and doing the timestamps it’s the same 2 minutes JFC)

*jontron brings up Japan as an example* *Destiny points out how racist Japan is and has been in the past and how it’s hurting them* Jontron: “no I think they are a model society” (13:04)

*jontron asks what’s so wrong about white people wanting to preserve their demographic majority* *destiny asks why skin color matters using the word “you” in a general way* Jontron: “well, I didn’t start this, did I?!” (14:06)

Jontron: “I think people are tribal and want to stick to their own” Destiny: (quoting jontron from earlier in the stream) “but you’ve disproved that yourself because you think you’re white but you’re Iranian and Hungarian, that wouldn’t have been considered white in the-” Jontron: “I’m not talking about me, I’m talking about mass immigration!” (They were not talking about mass immigration) (14:35)

“These are just slurs: ‘White supremacist, racist!’” (16:57)

“Irish were always considered white, I don’t know where the myth that they weren’t came from, that’s ridiculous” (19:41)

Apparently having signs that say “Irish need not apply” is “not liking” Irish people. (20:35)

“Perhaps the Italians and Irish had some traits that were not desirable” (21:17)

Mexican illegal immigrant rapists should be deported but white rapists are “part of the American family” (I know what he was trying to say but jfc what a way to say it) (22:29)

(After literally saying that whites should remain the majority for the whole stream) “Look, I’m not saying that whites should remain the majority, I’m just saying that whites are not allowed to speak up against their demographic……*fumbles for words*…….oblivion” (23:21)

WHITE PEOPLE ARE BEING DISPLACED LADS I GUESS WE GOT SOME REVERSE GENTRIFICATION LMFAO OOOOO OOOOOO AND APPARENTLY THIS DISPLACEMENT IS COMPARABLE TO WHAT HAPPENED TO NATIVE AMERICANS J F C (23:49)

(THERES AN HOUR AND 37 MINUTES OF THIS VIDEO LEFT HOOOOWWW)

*jontron brings up Tibet as a “parallel situation” and destiny doesn’t know about it so doesn’t comment* I ACTUALLY JUST LEARNED ABOUT THIS IN INTRO TO EAST ASIAN HISTORY and lemme tell you rn it has nothing to do with what’s going on in America and is a completely different thing shaped by a completely different history but hmu if you wanna know what happened or like, google exists too. (25:11)

*jontron compares immigration to colonization like it’s the same fucking thing* *destiny points out how that’s not the same At. All.* Jontron: “Then what do you call a large number of people from one place coming in, setting up their own ethnic enclaves and waving their own flags in our country.” (26:18)

ILLEGAL MEXICANS ARE THE TRUE CAUSE OF GENTRIFICATION MY FRIENDS (28:37)

At one point Jontron pulls some bullshit statistic out of his ass and then Destiny straight up googles it right then and there LMAO (he doesn’t mention it but tell me that’s not what happened lmfao) (30:03)

*laughing* “Its soft displacement, dude.” (31:01)

Destiny: “When you say you want to 'make America great again,’ what time period are you referring to?” Jontron: “…I think that’s a very silly question.” (33:33)

*completely out of fucking left field* “there is a disproportionate amount of crime committed to whites by non-whites” (34:34)

The infamous “Wealthy blacks commit more crimes than poor whites. That’s a fact.” (I love Destiny’s reaction lmao “Wait, what???” And then stunned silence.) (36:23)

“That implies that the court system is somehow racist.” (LMFAOOOOOO WHOS GONNA TELL HIM) (37:14)

*proceeds to get told bout the court system* “I don’t subscribe to that” (37:27)

*Destiny points out that it’s white christians who protest things like abortions and LGBT rights* Jontron: “there may be a small minority of white christians who do that.” (He thinks is majority Muslims doing this) (49:20)

*Destiny, as he has been trying to do the whole stream, points out that Europe and the US are vastly different things and brings this up with the context of Europeans* Destiny: “Also no one sees themselves as a 'North American.’ Do you think at the end of the day, 'Ah yes, I feel like a North American’ today. Just like a Canadian and a Mexican.” Jontron: “I do think that we are very different from Mexico, but very similar to Canada.” (51:14)

Okay Jontron basically says that if people assimilated and entered the gene pool they’d eventually become white but then when asked if he’s saying that he says no?????? (1:02:17)

Destiny: “okay but you keep making this about race why do you keep going back to whites” Jontron: “because I-I-I- ….I you know, I do think,…. you know race……influences culture.” (1:04:00)

“Just because I believe they have a different experience doesn’t mean I advocate that black lives matter” (OOOOOO again I know what he means but just talk yourself into a hole my guy) (1:05:28)

Destiny: *attempts to have a civil conversation about why BLM exists and why problems in the black community exist, doesn’t insinuate Jontron has any specific opinion on this* Jontron: “You’re like one of those talk shows where they try to trap ya! Like CNN!” (1:06:06)

“That’s why you’re seeing this rise in all these quote unquote nazis” (homie they call themselves neo-nazis) (1:10:41) (EDIT: getting the timestamps I actually missed this one and had to go back because it had NOTHING to do with what they were talking about lmao.)

Jontron (who’s been going off on tangents the whole stream, with Destiny desperately trying to keep them on one topic when they get there): “you’re just going off on tangents, dude.” (1:11:59)

“You can speak flowery language about this stuff” after Destiny uses very basic language to make a point lmao. Like that’s what a debate is, jontron. (1:13:00)

“If you don’t think we’ve gotten rid of discrimination you’re living in a fantasy land.” (1:14:04)

“The United States and Europe are interconnected spiritually.” (1:15:17)

(HOW ARE THERE STILL 43 MINUTES)

(No wait it’s cool I think the rest is just Destiny talking about what a train wreck that was Jontron left)

[yakumtsaki]

Take your hands off me, I don't belong to you, you see, and take a look at my face for the last time, I never knew you, you never knew me, say hello.. ♪

WAVE GOODBYE. 

WHADDUP PPL. Much like Ronroneo, we’re back from the dead and ready for a whole new generation of Union fuckery. We’re also officially.. drumroll.. MIDDLE CLASS. Our shiny new house is based on this one by frottana-sims​, which I downloaded but dumbassly forgot to install, and since loading the game takes a hot half-hour I opted for this poor recreation instead. We start the extreme home makeover with an incredible budget of..

...Yea, I see the value of getting 6 pets to the top of their careers now. Included in this insane sum is the 20k+ that Wyatt and Jojo brought with them moving in, and at first I’m worried that we’re way too rich for only generation 2. Well, careful what you wish for, cause here’s our post-remodeling budget:

LMAO. It’s as if not a day has passed since Vic started this legacy with a dream in her heart and crap to her name. Let’s check out the new digs!

Everything was purple.. his pills.. his hands.. his foyer. 

As eagle-eyed readers may observe, both the hall and the living room were designed with nothing else in mind but whether they matched our cat paintings. Per legacy rules I use as little cc as possible, which isn’t that hard since I feel this bizarre, angular and hugely impractical couch really encapsulates Jojo’s essence. Like if he was a servant in Beauty and the Beast this would be his furniture form.

Apparently the only things I deemed important enough to capture were the cat portraits, so it looks like my Komeization is finally complete! Here’s some floorplan shots tho so you don’t get disoriented in our labyrinth-like mansion. Please note our amazing pink-blue-purple kitchen! Barbie’s Dreamhouse who??

And here’s the second floor, which also illustrates the exact point I ran out of money. Honestly looking back I don’t understand how the fuck this place cost 70k?? Like nothing is particularly expensive except the amazing vintage batmobile which was around 30-40k and some of the paintings? But I guess all the small things add up in the end + I’m super bad with money..

..and I’m not the only one. Jojo GET A FUCKING GRIP and A JOB. Literally no comment @ your cat wants, you inherited the jaw, wasn’t that enough??? ANYWAY. I know the question on everyone’s mind is how is Wyatt going to fit in with the Unions.. and all I have to say about that..

..is LOL. Truly the perfect career for when your mother-in-law is a criminal mastermind and your husband is a serial killer! I mean the jokes practically write themselves. At least he doesn’t want 10 kids or any shit like that, cause I’ve seen hell and it was the result of mixing Jojo/Wyatt genes in cas.

On top of gifting us with his future-probably-fug children, Wyatt also gives us the gift of our first ever kitchen fire when he decides to make dinner with 1 cooking point. His generosity really knows no bounds.

It’s all fun and games now but Wyatt deadass almost died in the inferno and was about to take poor, stupid Komei with him, who of course ran to the fire even though he was in the yard. Meanwhile Victoria was safely watching tv and didn’t move while Jojo..

..was doing this in the next room. Two types of sims I guess!

-So Wyatt, you’ve been here for almost an hour now, burned down our kitchen and I still don’t see any grandchildren. I thought you were a family sim!

-Haha oh mom, you’re hilarious! Ignore her, Wyatt, let’s enjoy your delicious pasta.. It was definitely worth almost dying for.

-Your mama is right, mon cheri, not only do you have an obligatión to your famille but I rolled the want to have a bébé the second we graduated!

-Well it’s still gonna be there when we aren’t broke, Wyatt, god!

-But.. bébés, mon cheri! Tons of bébés I can have but never interact with, in typical famille sim fashión!

-UGH thanks a lot for opening this gate, mom. If only you had found your love of children when I was living on cat food.

-Well it’s different when they are your children, everyone knows that.

-THAT’S NOT WHY PEOPLE SAY THAT MOM

-Honestly, Jojό, I’m prouder of taking down your répugnant suitόrs than I am of graduating with honors!

-Aww Wyatt <3

-And if I have to souffrir through a childless existence to be with mon amour, so be it (:

-Aw- wait what?!

-Really, c’est bien, Jojό, marriage is all about compromise, nό? I mean, not that I would know since we’re not even married yet!

-Wyatt we’ve been here for 3 hours.

-My point précisément.. C’est bien though!

-Can’t believe I’m saying this but I really regret murdering Ti-Ning. 

That makes two of us, Jo. Honestly even Francis would be better than this. Family sim spouse??? Tf was I thinking. 

Ah, some things never change <3 It’s a new day and someone very special passes by our lot..

UGH NO not you asshole, once again delivering bills at the worst possible time.

-Miss me bitch?? Lolol

ONE OF THESE DAYS DAGMAR. ONE OF THESE DAYS ISTG

No, it’s mismatched beard townie, whose regular outfit is simply iconic, and he’s waving at me! What a sweetheart! TAKE SOME NOTES DAGMAR YOU FROZEN-FACED FREAK

-Umm he’s actually waving at me, moron.

-WRONG, he’s waving at me!

Ok it literally doesn’t matter who he’s waving at. 

-Well c’est moi. 

OK WHATEVER WYATT GOD. Just go off to work in a position you’re criminally unqualified for and try not to die ok??

-Why would I mourir?

Hm let’s see, maybe because you’re a ‘SWAT Team Leader’ straight out of college with a shocking lack of skill points?? Jfc college degrees in this game are so fucking op it’s legit making me resentful of my sims.

In other news, major dicks Sophie and Victor have started constantly beating each other up and the only thing surprising about this development is that it took this long. Honestly these fights are peak #TeamNoOne. Please note Alegra who continues to give 0 fucks @ the bloodshed. What a gal <3

Burning with religious fervor, fundamentalist nutjob Sophie emerges victorious!

-I WALK WITH GOD BITCH

Tears. Literal tears. Victor is the most unbelievable creature I have ever played.

-The rampant violence in this house is a violation of human rights! I AM OUTTA HERE

Literally still cannot believe this happened, like the sheer NERVE is killing me. Victor has started every fight he’s ever been in for an astounding total of 40-50 fights, and as you all know he almost always wins. Like this one was what? The fourth one he lost?? AND YET HE RUNS AWAY LIKE HE’S THE VICTIM I HATE/LOVE HIM SO MUCH

Meanwhile this happens which, of course. Leave it to me to finally get a chance card right for the only sim who doesn’t even deserve the job he currently has.

..Police Chief Wyatt reporting for duty! And crime increased 80% overnight. 

In actual good and not lawsuit-waiting-to happen news, Wyatt brought Amanda, Vic’s only friend/lesbian crush with him! Amanda has the distinct honor of being literally the only non-Union non-Jojo person Vic has ever genuinely liked and hasn’t had an affair with. YET THAT IS.

Man, these are some fat fucking flies. I’m talking 10 plagues of Egypt teas. 

-I KNOW, where the fuck is Komei, what are we paying him for?

-I’m over here honey, talking to my least favorite son for the second time in my life, since apparently he’s sticking around.

-Yes, thanks for requesting a recount of the heir vote, dad. I will remember it when I decide where to scatter your ashes. 

-I TOLD YOU I WANT THEM MIXED WITH THE CAT LITTER 

Ugh Komei, please stop trying to bond with your son and do something productive instead-

-like finally convincing Neo to bang Sophie. She has refused 3 TIMES because there’s a rule I have to earn kittens by suffering. I mean Alegra refusing to procreate with Victor made sense, it was Victor, wtf is Sophie’s excuse? Waiting for marriage?

ABOUT TIME

YAS. CAT GEN 3 ON THE WAY. Human gen 3 will have to wait till I’m in the mood to deal with screaming infants aka it might take a while.

The science career FINALLY SHOWS UP after 5 fucking days, jfc. Love how Wyatt’s dumb ass started as a swat team LEADER but Jojo who has half the skills maxed starts as a science teacher. Also love the idea of Jojo as a teacher in general, I mean just imagine having him teach you science in high school. I would literally drop out.

Jojo returns from work, brings this rando with him and doesn’t get promoted. We can’t all be Wyatt I guess! We’re not completely broke anymore tho so..

It is time.

Gunther, Melody and Max Flexor on one side..

Craig, Brit Brit, Ti-Ning and Daniel on the other. What a bunch of assholes, Craig obviously excluded. Remember him? I invited him because he and Jojo are still semi-friends thinking he wouldn’t show up and yet here he is! What a good guy. 

-It’s at moments like this, watching your high school boyfriend get married.. that you really get to thinking..

Awww.

-..there but for the grace of god go I.

Less awww. You’re not wrong tho, definitely dodged a sociopathic bullet..

..not everyone is that lucky. WE GET IT WYATT YOU’RE CRAZY AND IN LOVE

-Mon bien adoré, I vow to aimer and honόr you and not cheat on you again or at least be more discrete about it <3

-And I vow not to kill you and feed you to the cats for as long as we both shall live <3 

Ah, true love, you guys. 

Too bad half our guests are inside dancing-

-OR HAVING COMPLETELY INAPPROPRIATE AND UNTIMELY THOUGHTS. TI-NING SERIOUSLY GO TO HELL. I WAS ROOTING FOR YOU WE WERE ALL ROOTING FOR YOU HOW DARE YOU

Well at least Vic is excited which is more than I can say for Gunther who is literally LOOKING THE OTHER WAY. 

Time to cut the cake with the sky as our only witness, since everyone has taken a plate from the buffet and fucked off inside. Seriously WORST GUESTS EVER 

Not one to be outdone by his guests’ questionable behavior, Wyatt takes the time to remind us who he really is. 

-And n'est-ce pas forget it!

Despite all the obvious problems, like one of the grooms literally going to sleep, our party score is ‘good time’ which is a truly rare and exciting occurrence. With less than a minute left I’m feeling pretty confident that nothing can ruin this wedding!

Weirdly no one has touched the champagne even though sims in general are obsessed with it?? My best guess is everyone is at a loss for words at having to toast this union and who can blame them tbh. Thankfully Daniel steps up and I find it super sweet because I’ve forgotten that he and Wyatt are mortal enemies and it’s only by chance they haven’t beaten each other up on this instance like they have countless times before.

-Let’s all raise a glass to my beloved brother, Jojo, who generously woke up to attend his own wedding reception! Just one of many examples of his fine, giving character. Too bad he’s committing his life to a complete waste of space adulterous loser like Wyatt, who I’m not even convinced is really french, since his ability to speak and understand english fluctuates according to convenience. Man, I promised myself I wouldn’t cry, but this choice in spouse is just too tragic. Oh well! To Jojo!

NOICE, still a good time. SO CLOSE

AND YET SO FAR. Goddammit do you two mind killing each other on your own time and not literally 10 seconds before our wedding ends??

-DIE WHORE, THIS WILL TEACH YOU TO STEAL MY MAN

-THAT’S MY LINE SLUTBAG

-HA! ZUMBA, BITCH

-Wow, so glad I woke up for this, really got my bloodlust going! 

Indeed a roaring success if there ever was one. I mean how can this night possibly get any better?

.............of course.

Oh nice, I remembered to install an alarm for once! I’m also desperately trying to wake up Wyatt thinking that he’s fucking CHIEF OF POLICE so he might prove useful in this situation..

..especially since we get this cop of a completely untrustworthy Bieber hairstyle. Talk about striking fear in the heart.

Sadly it turns out that Wyatt could not give less of a shit that we’re getting robbed and picks this moment to head for wedding buffet leftovers-

-while Bieber cop prevails! This robber is awesomely named Russ Bear btw and I wish that was my name, sounds like a slavic medieval folkore hero. But I digress. Please prepare yourselves because our first robbery is about to take a dark turn.

-Ehh, you get at a certain level on la force, you just become desensitized to la criminalité..

-Oh don’t worry Wyatt, I totally understand.. I mean I’ve robbed so many houses in my time, I hardly blink anymore..

-So it looks like you and I are not so different after all.. ;)

.............

.....................

............................why. why has the universe chosen me for the greatest suffering the world has ever known. i try and i try but incestuous relationships just keep sprawling like mythical strangler vines. i bet this wouldn’t happen to someone named Russ Bear. fml

[tellywoodtrash]

ishqbaaz 11.10.17 lb

doing this on my phone coz i'm at work so this gonna be a hella basic lb.

sanskaari music as abhay tanya get their karwachauth onnn.

wow tanya got a legit chand cgi'd in, that the oberois didn't get.

BIWI??????? HUSBAND???? THEY MARRIED????? they're fucking fetusesss!!!!!!! (fetii?) 😧😧😧

aw he bought chocolate. #spa18BestPati

ok revoking the best pati award. i am sick of the men of this show putting their dumbass grudges and god knows what else over their goddamn wives. 😒😒😒

le, tanya doesn't even know why abhay hates the oberois. phir is mission ka hissa hi kyun ho behen???? hadh hoti hai pativrata hone ki. 🙄🙄🙄

KHOON KHOOON KO PEHCHAAN HI LETA HAI!!!! HE'S AN OBEROI!!!!!! yaaaaaaaaaaas bitch!

pfffffffffft. kisi doooor ka cousin he is. doesn't even count. che, saara mazaaa kharab kar diya. 😒😒😒

oh his dad is the rare truthful oberoi. maybe om got his sachchaai ka keeda from there. 😕😕😕

god every time i come around to tej and shakti, they do something nefarious. fuck it. imma just be forever suspicious of every fucking man in this show forever. guilty until proven innocent is gonna be my motto.

wow so abhay and fam used to live with the main oberois too.

this is some baazigar shit bro.

LMAOOOO TANYA BE LIKE THIS IS FUCKING GOING TO FAIL AND WE ARE GONNA DIEEEEEE 😆😆😆

i love this cute vengeful fucker man. hella stupid motivation he has as a character but he's so cute.

oooooooh anika's back in her sexy black sleeping outfit. action to follow????? 😉😉😉

god anika stop being so damn clingy. have a life and some interests outside of your husband.

errrrr, that doesn't even remotely sound like shivaay/nakuul.

also this plan is hella fucking stupid.

pls shivaay. you know she's gonna fall into some shit or the other and you're gonna have to save her ass. so stay close.

anika is behaving like typical newly married person: wanting to get everyone else hitched as well. behenji pehle rikara ka kuch karein, phir in randos ka chance aayega. 😑😑😑

dang abhay really be rubbing in mirchi in anika's wounds.

god abhay how can you screw ANIKA over like this?? look at herrrrrr. she already loves youuuuuuu. ouff yaaaar.

dude bhavya's just been suspended?!??! she's not free to go get another job like this?????

aaaaaand she just got screwed over. fuck you rudraaaaaa. i hate you so much.

oufffffff kuch bhi ke bachche. but he's looking soooo damn cute in all black. i can't handleeeeee it.

... fashion house??? oh god.

oh tanya. you kiiiiinda dumb. but also, why are you with this asshole?!?? he don't give a fuck about you. ugh.

ok abhay's got shivaay's gusse mein teeth grinding waale genes. 😬😬😬

OKAY ABHAY THERE'S NO NEED TO TALK TO MY GIRL TANYA LIKE THIS. FUCKING HELL, DONT MAKE ME COME IN THERE AND KICK YOUR CUTE ASS. 😡😡😡

also is that a bruise from his manhandling????? ughhhhhh. 🤢🤢🤢

fuck him over tanya. FUCK HIM OVERRRRRR. 😤😤😤

really dgaf about this rudra bhavya nonsense.

lol ek toh tanya ka paara already chadha hua hai, upar se anika ki bakchodi.

lmaoooo "shivaay toh mujhe waapas chahiye nahi" 🤣🤣🤣

tanya's face be like 'oh shit what?!?? mujhse apna pati hi jhela nahi jaata, ab iske pati ko bhi kaise jheloon???'

tanya has the worst poker face ever.

and she's a terrrrrible liar. why even has abhay recruited her for this plan???

fuckkkkkk abhay. he really hurt her. she's bleeding. i hope shivaay kicks his ass good. 😡😡😡😡

ugh i hate this kutte ka patta tassel choker anika is wearing.

STARTUP. AUR OFFICE KA SIZE TOH DEKHO.

LMAO 30 LAKH. FOR THREE MONTHS KA BOND. FUCK OFFFFFF. you ain't slick rudra.

but then bhavya ain't slick either. ugh. 🤦🏾‍♀️🤦🏾‍♀️🤦🏾‍♀️

time for memorial!

these fuckers look so shady and guilty.

why just shivaay??? what if someone else finds out??? like dadi? like, i'd say dadi is the bigger risk. she's send your paapi asses to jail FO'SHO.

god anika, you're the worst at this.

i wish gauri was here. we could really use her chantumaiiii ways right now. 😚😚😚

uske beeeeech mein bhi pinky has fursat for taana. amazing.

lmaooooo tej dispersing the group is reminding me of the scene in b99 where terry disperses the squad after teaching them how to behave at captain holt's party. ("you're not gazelles!!!!!!") 😂😂😂

abhay is menacingly glaring at banner.

bro your father was fired 25 years ago. why would they put his name as a board member?????

why's he targeting ANIKA for this??? like, one: she's new here. and two: she doesn't have any idea of the inner workings of oberoi corp? 🤔🤔🤔

oufffff monologue bandh karoooo.

wow, anika will be addressing media in stead of shivaay.

ok girl you know next to NOTHING about this event. in what confidence are you inviting questions??? 😬😬😬

also why isn't the media asking her what haisyattt se she's here, since shivaay has a brand new wife???

really??? charity 25 years later??? when the accident happened you oberois didn't give a fuckkkkk about the families.

these shady fuckers stillll in a group.

oh hoooooo anika. do you have to make the phone call HERE????

who disssss??? he's awfully smiley for someone who's come for a MEMORIAL.

abhay is the worst. the fucking worsttttttt. #freeTanya2k18 😠😠😠

shukla got no idea what's in store for him. these fuckers about to jump him.

gosh tanya is in a mooooood today. thanks abhay.

anika bhi koi kachchi khilaaadi nahi hai.

ok tej, look more suspicious. you're all sooooo bad at this.

great dadi is here too.

aaaaaand dadi is interrogating anika on state of marriage. 😒😒😒

MY GOD ANIKA YOU'RE A HELLA BAD SPY. LIKE SO BAD.

shakti's vicious side is coming out.

lmao ok sr. obros, why would you trust some baahar waala and give him all the proof???? so damn stupid. 😑😑😑

shukla's acting is so badddddd.

goddddd these ppl are just assaulting this man based on bloody nothing. if you cared so much about the evidence why didn't you follow up about it all these years????

aaaaaaand pinky's caught anika.

pfffffft. such bad lying.

wow tej straight up has shukla in a fucking chokehold wtfffff 😟😟😟

jesus christ shukla, you had ONE JOB. why the fuck were you holding on to that shit for 25 years????

ouffffff i'm so bored. where's shivaaay??? where are rikaraaaaa????? i'd even take bhavya's miserable life over this nonsense at this point.

lmao buddhe log ka chase sequence.

THEYRE NOT EVEN BOTHERING TO USE A VOICE REMOTELY LIKE SHIVAAY'S. GOD.

lmaooooo look at this "director" of a "fashion house" styling a straight up clown wig on a mannequin. what nonsense. 🙄🙄🙄🙄

so wait, rudra just... HAS a fashion house now? based on what???? he's worn the same three workout outfits for over a year now. and if it was SOOOOO easy for him to start his own business, why did he struggle so much for that challenge???? 😐😐😐

it woulda been more believable if he had his own gym????

does he still think she's married to manav or what????

also she's a bodyguard, rudra; not a slave????

oh he DOES think she's married. so, he can do alllll this research to find out where she's applying for jobs and all, but not if she's actually married? 😒😒😒

ok why did bhavya have to change??? that too into THIS outfit???? how the hell is she supposed to do any guarding in this????

ugh rudra you're the fucking worstttttt. you're such a spoilt, entitled bratttttt. i'm so over this plotttttt already.

precap: um????? this is a memorial event????? PEOPLE DIED???? why is there a dance performance?!?? jfc.

and this is taking too much damn time so imma just speed watch the other two eps. mini lbs if i find anything interesting.

[yakumtsaki]

Tonight in Things I’m Not Emotionally Prepared For. Where did the time go </3 (I ask, having spent 6 months on one generation.)

Omfg Jojo will you stop moping about Stephen Tinker already?? MOVE ON 

-Ugh please, I’m over him. I have my eyes set on someone new..

It better not be fucking Malcolm there, aka your MOM’S SIDEPIECE, because I may have your father as a zoophiliac but even I’m not touching this fuckery.

But I am having Komei greet him. Worlds colliding!

-So I hear my wife ghosted on you LOL classic. Had her fun with your blonde ass for a while but it is I that holds the key to her heart. And her safe. BECAUSE WE’RE MARRIED BITCH

-I’M NOT GONNA STAND HERE AND LISTEN TO YOUR LIES. AS IF SHE’D EVER SHARE HER MONEY WITH YOU

-Oh it hurts, does it? Wait till I show you our joint bank account (:

-YOU’RE A FUCKING MONSTER

-Hey Jojo! Jojo. JOJO

-WHAT

-Do you want to build a snowman? ♪ 

-I’m gonna shove that flamingo so far up-

Come on Jojo, not cool, don’t lash out on Daniel just because your life sucks and no one loves you.

-Well my rubik’s ball and my mom love me and that’s all that matters.

Oh yea, great combo. I’d count more on the rubik ball if I was you.

-Something is rotten in the state of Denmark. 

NO. NOP. You only get one character, you chose Mr. Darcy, you can’t switch midway just because your love life is nonexistent.

-UGH you don’t let me seduce Stephen Tinker, you don’t let me be Hamlet, is there anything I’m allowed to do?

UM I LITERALLY LET YOU BE A SERIAL KILLER, TF MORE DO YOU WANT. BRAT.

Finally, someone who has their shit together. Congrats Vic, printing you own money now. What a self-starter!

-Dude I’m so fucking high right now..

And who can blame you the way this family has turned out..

Case in point, proletarian ballerino in the snow. Apparently this is the athletic outfit of Daniel’s choice. Goes great with the factory worker cap!

-Art is nothing but a product of state ideology! But this is pretty fun.

Teen sims can die, right? Asking for a friend.

Kim is finally here!!! I’ve been waiting for her to show up, she’s my fav townie cat and I really want us to adopt her so we can get her genes into the cat legacy. Obviously, there’s only one man for the job..

..Komei, the cat maniac whisperer.

-WHADDUP. CAT. HAHA. Please don’t run away.

Komei WTF. You spend all this time around cats I assumed you were good with them??? JFC

-Well you should know better by now than expect me to achieve things!

True and fair.

Komei fucked this up so bad that Kim destroyed our bed before getting tfo, leaving us dick in hand (metaphorical dick. Not a reference to Komei’s zoophilia).

Guess who calls for Gunther again!

-Kennedy!! It’s so good to hear from you! How are the adoption papers coming?

GUNTHER STOP TRYING TO ESCAPE THIS FAMILY. IT’S NOT HAPPENING.

Here, have some bonding time with dad.

-Think you can throw me all the way to Kennedy’s house?

-I don’t know kid, but I’m gonna try my best. You’re taking up precious cat space.

OMFG I FORGOT HIS BIRTHDAY AGAIN. Maybe he should get adopted by Kennedy after all, because 3 kids are clearly too much for me to handle.

-So this is what it’s come to, growing up next to the toilet paper.. Guess we have a lot in common..

Ugh I’m sorry Gunther but if it’s any consolation, your birthday picture is serving some a-star-is-born realness ❤

-Does this look like a moment I want to remember?

 I mean, I can’t really tell with your sunglasses..

-Can you tell which finger I’m holding up?

DEAD. This hair truly ages like fine wine. AND NO KOMEI JAW TG. And we roll............

DEAAAAD. Oh this is gonna be fun. All that’s missing is a slight makeover..

They come, they go, some real, some faux some friends, some hoes, but no I, goes nowhere, it's Hov. Everyday a star is born,  clap for 'em, clap for 'em, clap for 'em, clap for 'em, HEY♪

[yakumtsaki]

Komei finally has a high enough creativity skill to get started on the death portraits! Exciting stuff. Look how happy he is painting the portrait of his beloved wife, aww.

-Just the thought of Victoria dying and this hanging over her urn gave me a semi.

Still better than the wolf tbh.

Jojo’s lifetime want appears and all I can say is NOICE. I love this want because it’s so flexible and you can do all kinds of crap to achieve it. Thank god so far the kids aren’t taking after their dumbass parents (at least in that area. let’s not talk about literally everything else) both of whom have the worst lifetime wants ever created.

In case you forgot, since I mentioned it once and then never again, Vic’s ridiculous lifetime want is to own 5 top level businesses which.. fucking lmao. I am kinda tempted to try it once she retires though, because add her charming personality to my OFB ineptitude and you have what is sure to be the greatest tragedy of the computer age. 

Polar opposite convention in the front yard! The best and worst this household has to offer in one convenient location.

-I hope you’re ready, my child, for the greatest story ever written.. One filled with hardships, mortal danger, doomed loves, tragic loss and the eventual triumph of human spirit..

-Dad, please, I’m so sick of listening to your cat training diary every day.

-Well mom doesn’t let us touch her TV when she’s not home, so this is the best you’re gonna get.

-UGH I hate you both!! I wish Kennedy Cox would adopt me!!

Well that is starting to look like a real possibility since he calls for you 200 times a day after you threatened to throw a bag of cat shit at his face. Game recognizes game I guess. Let’s hope we don’t get any proposals for a black market adoption, because the way our money situation is going it would be hard to resist.

Victor grows up! My feelings towards him remain ambivalent at best, as in I hate him 99% of the time but sometimes his unrepentant assholery is kinda endearing. In fact, I just remembered that I tried to give him away at some point, probably after the one millionth time he attacked Alegra, but then this happened..

LOOK AT FUCKING KOMEI. Victoria has no relationship with any of the cats except Victor, since he was the only living soul available in the early days when she was living in an open field, but I wasn’t expecting SOBBING. JFC. Daniel is also in the background freaking the fuck out. Suffice it to say I quit without saving after those dramatic ass reactions and Victor stayed on as our resident cat dicktator.

-HAPPY BIRTHDAY BITCH

Guess who’s fighting again for the first time in months! Obviously desperate to prove to himself that he’s still got it, fucking Victor attacks Ronroneo in a predictable middle-age-crisis move. But the playing field is level now that they’re both elders, so this is anybody’s game! Place your bets while you still can!

Unbothered by this fuckery is Helen of Troy, Alegra, who’s really living the aging-movie-star lifestyle ever since she topped her career and got tfo. Every time I look she’s either sleeping or high on catnip. You do you baby, you’ve earned it  ❤

LMAOOOO. In a magnificent turn of cosmic justice, the geezer knifefight doesn’t end well for Victor, who suffers a humiliating and well-deserved defeat by Ronroneo’s claws of fury. Obviously Ronroneo’s birthday present to him was the reminder not to mess with the streets. And his own beaten ass.

-Where’s the Persian Empire now, pussyboi?

-Save me, Artaxerxes!

Someone (I don’t remember who, but lets be real, it was Komei) rolled a want for this stupid ballet bar and I obliged like a moron, forgetting that it’s a highly cursed object that causes sims (and especially kids for some reason) to devote their entire lives to it. Seasons literally change around Gunther as he remains there, practicing the two same sad moves..

And here we are. It’s winter now, Daniel has a keyboard (need I remind you he wants to become a rock god LMAO) and Jojo is finally getting confronted by Stephen Tinker aka the object of his spying obsession and probably his secret affection as well, since there is no other justification for the time he spends creepily looking at him through the telescope. 

-What the hell is wrong with you, kid, I thought you were trying to get abducted and impregnated by aliens like a normal sim but this is crossing the line!

-How dare you speak to me in that tone like we’re strangers, Stephen? 

-The fuck, we just met two seconds ago-

-Tell me, what must I do to make you love me? Kill your family? That’s already on the list but I can bump it up a few spots!

Dear god, ok. Time to enter the Tinkers into witness protection and for Jojo to meet someone a) not married b) age appropriate c) who is not gonna be missed by their family or cause the police to ask too many questions.

NO. JOJO NO. ISTG I’M GONNA DISOWN YOU. AS IF KOMEI HASN’T ALREADY FUCKED US FOR LIFE, ALL WE’RE MISSING IS THE OTTOMAS GENES IN THIS FAMILY. FML