#john 5 in person was hot as fuck

[carcarrot]

i did tell you people i met a they might be giant right.

[bootleg-nessie]

Rating band names based on their accuracy:

(I keep updating this list so check back later)

The Beatles: 3/10. None of these people are beetles, they’re just a bunch of fruity guys from Liverpool with matching haircuts

(Edit: changed from 0/10 to 3/10 because John Lennon beat his wife)

Pink Floyd: 4/10. There is not a single person named Floyd in the band, but some of the members do arguably look kinda pink

Nirvana: 10/10. Getting high and listening to Nirvana is roughly what I imagine actual nirvana to be like

Foo Fighters: either 0/10 or 10/10. I have never seen foo in real life so either they’re pretending to fight a problem that doesn’t exist or they’re doing an absolutely fantastic job of fighting it

The Eagles: 0/10. Same as the Beatles, there is not a single eagle in this band. The name is misleading and we have all been lied to

Queen: 6/10. Partial points for Freddie Mercury

Led Zeppelin: 0/10. I don’t think any of these guys have ever even seen a zeppelin, let alone one made of lead. A lead balloon would crash faster than my hopes and dreams

The Rolling Stones: 3/10. There is not a single stone in this band. Some points added because I’m pretty sure they rolled quite a few

U2: 0/10. Despite what the name says, I am not a member of this band

Metallica: 9/10. Naming a metal band “Metallica” is like naming your dog “doggy”

Red Hot Chili Peppers: 2/10. These guys are not chili peppers. They’re not even that hot, let alone red hot

Guns N’ Roses: 0/10. How the fuck could a gun or a flower play music

Backstreet Boys: ?/10. Depends entirely on their current given location

Simon and Garfunkel: 10/10. No notes

The Doors: 1/10. Jim Morrison is kinda shaped like a door tho

Chicago: 4/10. The number of people in this band does not come even remotely close to the population of Chicago. Points added because it originated in Chicago

Earth, wind, and fire: 2/10. This is even more innacurate than Chicago. Points added because wind instruments were often used

Def Leppard: 3/10. There is not a single leopard in this band. Some of the members are probably kinda deaf by now tho

The Beach Boys: ?/10. Accuracy depends entirely on location

The Black Eyed Peas: 6/10. Not sure what the hell an ‘eyed pea’ is but the black part is pretty accurate

Imagine Dragons: ?/10. Depends entirely on whether or not they’re thinking about dragons.

Cage the Elephant: 1/10. Why would you do that. Let the elephant go

Green Day: 0/10. They’re not even green

The Police: 0/10. There is not a single cop in this band

KISS: 5/10. I’m sure they probably kissed sometimes

The Monkees: 0/10. Are you fucking kidding me

We Butter the Bread with Butter: 8/10. I can’t verify this but I have no reason to suspect that they’d lie. Butter seems like the most logical thing to butter bread with

King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard: 0/10. I got really excited about the concept of a lizard wizard only to be let down. My disappointment is immeasurable

They Might Be Giants: 5/10. I googled everyone in this band’s height, the tallest guy’s only 6’1 so I wouldn’t exactly consider him a giant. Then again, I can’t really argue because the claim was only that they MIGHT be giants

The Presidents of the United States of America: 2/10. None of these people are Joe Biden nor are any of them former presidents. This is incredibly misleading. I’m pretty sure “Lump” was written about my first girlfriend tho so I’ll give them a point or two

Gorillaz: 2/10 Not quite but we’re kinda close genetically so I’ll give them partial credit

The Killers: ?/10. I have no way of verifying if they’ve actually killed before but the fact that they’re not in prison tells me probably not

The Offspring: 10/10. These guys are definitely somebody’s offspring

Arctic Monkeys: 1/10. They are neither monkeys nor are they from the arctic

Thirty Seconds to Mars: 1/10. It takes WAY longer to get to mars than that

Beastie Boys: 8/10. They’re pretty beast on the guitar

Jimmy Eat World: 1/10. Slow the fuck down Jimmy, you’re biting off way more than you can chew

Hole: 9/10. One point deducted because I’m pretty sure they had more than one hole

Rage Against the Machine: 10/10. They did exactly that

Alice In Chains: 0/10. This is illegal. Let Alice go

The Band: 10/10. This could not possibly be more accurate

Nine Inch Nails: 1/10. I can’t find any good pictures of their feet but from what I can tell their fingernails definitely aren’t nine inches long

Bush: ?/10. Not quite sure about this one, felt uncomfortable asking

The Who: 2/10. I’m not dealing with this “Who’s On First” bullshit

Radiohead: 0/10. Not a single person in this band has a radio for a head

Queens of the Stone Age: 0/10. This band should be called “five random dudes from the modern era” but FRDFTMA is a bit of a mouthful

Soundgarden: 2/10. Sound does not grow in the garden

Sonic Youth: 5/10. They’re not exactly youth anymore but the sonic part checks out

Talking heads: 8/10. There’s more to the band than just a bunch of disembodied heads but the heads do tend to talk

The Cranberries: 0/10. Decent music but I only added them so that the Beatles and Freddie Mercury weren’t the only fruits on this list

The Wiggles: 8/10. They do tend to wiggle a lot

Blue Man Group: 10/10. Yep!

Weezer: 5/10. They all look like they definitely have asthma

Limp Bizkit: 3/10. While the visual image of baked goods playing the guitar is hilarious, Fred durst is not a biscuit. Points added because he probably has erectile dysfunction

Stone Temple Pilots: 0/10. None of these people are accredited as being licensed to pilot anything, much less an entire stone temple. Stone temples don’t need pilots anyways

Wasted Youth: 8/10. I guess it really kinda depends on how you frame it but yeah, they probably wasted a lot of it

Them Crooked Vultures: 3/10. These are people and not birds but Dave Grohl’s posture is kinda bad and John Paul Jones is so old that his neck kinda looks like a vulture’s so I added some points

Audioslave: 0/10. Slavery is illegal

Traveling Wilburys: 4/10. Sure, they traveled a lot but not a single one of those lying bastards was named Wilbury

D12: 6/12. There were only 6 people in this band

NWA: 10/10. I’m a little too white to safely comment on this one but I’d say they nailed it

Jet: 1/10. A real jet would be way too loud

Goldfinger: 0/10. Not a single person in this band has a finger made out of gold

No Doubt: ?/10. I can’t really be too sure how Gwen Stefani felt but I think it’s probably a safe assumption that she had some doubts

The White Stripes: 3/10. I bet if you stripped them down naked and made them stand shoulder to shoulder and squinted really hard they’d probably look more like white stripes

Screaming trees: 3/10. They scream occasionally

Garbage: 2/10. I think they’re being a little harsh on themselves, their music isn’t THAT bad

Butthole Surfers: 5/10. Not even gonna touch this one

Megadeth: 3/10. To be fair, some of the former members are dead but only a little amount of death, not mega death

Dead Kennedys: 2/10. Last I checked Kennedy was still dead but neither he nor his clones are members of this band

Cake: 0/10. The cake is a lie

Cracker: 8/10. Most of them are

Tool: 7/10. I don’t know much about their music but they sure look like tools

Counting Crows: ?/10. Is this what emo kids do instead of counting sheep? Accuracy depends on whatever bird they happen to be counting at the moment

Dave Matthews Band: 10/10. It certainly is

Oasis: 1/10. Their music is the opposite of an oasis

Blur: 2/10. They are not that fast

Barenaked Ladies: 0/10. If I wanted to be this disappointed I’d reestablish a connection with my biological father instead

Meat Puppets: 10/10. Technically, aren’t we all?

Live: 8/10. Apparently they still do live shows but I deducted some points because I’ve only ever heard their music on Spotify

ABBA: 9/10. I’m still not giving any points to Guns N’ Roses but that’s mostly out of spite

5 Finger Death Punch: 8/10 I guess it probably depends on how hard you hit them but this seems to be the usual amount of fingers to punch somebody with

All American Rejects: 9/10. They’re all rejects from America so I don’t really see any issue with this

T. Rex: 0/10. Even if any of these people WAS a T. Rex I don’t think their arms would be long enough to play their instruments

Free: 0/10. Unless you steal their music, in which case it becomes a 10/10

The Strokes: 3/10. To my knowledge, none of them have had a stroke but I still added a few points because the name was probably accurate for other reasons

The Smashing Pumpkins ?/10. Another thing I have no way of verifying but this seems like a waste of perfectly good pumpkins

Therapy?: ?/10. The hell are they asking me for? I don’t know their medical history

Twenty One Pilots. 0/10. There’s only two of them and neither is a licensed pilot

Finger Eleven: 0/10. Leave the poor Stranger Things girl out of this

Fall Out Boy: 9/10. I conferred with an expert on this one who confirmed that they are in fact boys who had a falling out

Cream: 8/10. Considering this was the OG supergroup I’m sure a lot of people did in fact cream when their music came out

Edit: humans aren’t fucking monkeys. Stop saying we are

[marcsburnerphone]

And they were roomates

(Captain John price x F!reader)

Summary: the captain wants somewhere more homely to settle down and when an offer like yours comes alight on Zillow he must take up on it.

Warnings: kissing, a little tinsy bit angsty, flirtatious banter.

part 1 - part 2 - part 3 - part 4 - part 5 - part 6- part 7 - part 8 - Part 9 - part 10

-------------

“Why’re you putting these up anyway?” You say standing at the bottom of the ladder that John is currently stood on, installing cameras he purchased for outside your home.

“Cause i’ll have to return to work this weekend and i’d like to make sure you’re safe.” you smile to yourself at his protective nature.

“I’ve lived here for ages and nothing has ever happened.” you reassure him as he descends the ladder.

“It’s for my peace of mind.” he says quietly between the two of you in the spring air.

“Okay.” you reply as he places a kiss on your forehead.

“Onto the next corner.” he says gathering the ladder, walking to the other side of the house as his tool belt clings and clangs.

—------------

“Anything you can tell me about this next mission you’re going on?” you ask as the both of you lay on the couch.

“I leave on Sunday and don't know when I'll return, that's all.” He tries to make his deep gruff voice soft it’s a cute attempt. He knew this was going to be the hard part for both of you. You want him to stay and he doesn’t want to go but duty calls.

“Mmm.” you breathe into his chest, trying to inhale him, commit his scent to memory sure it’ll linger but this is straight from the source.

“I'll call you when I can.”

“I thought you weren't allowed to bring a personal phone, that’s what Gaz told me.” you rest your chin on his chest looking up at him.

“Gaz isn’t the captain.” he says, raising an eyebrow at you.

“Ah abuse of power is it.” You quip. 

“If that’s what it takes to reach you.” You look away not being able to contain your blush after that as if he couldn’t feel your heartbeat quicken.

He lifts your chin back up, leaning down almost straining his neck for a kiss. Of course this kiss turns into more, you move further up the couch straddling his waist you’re hungry for him, for his kisses, groans, deep inhales of air, all of it. He’s flipped the two of you over pinning you beneath him with almost half his weight.

“John, why’re you teasing me?” You whimper.

“Not teasing, takin ma time.” 

He kisses down your throat, over your pulse to your collarbone ridding you of your shirt tossing it somewhere to be picked up later. This has been a common occurrence recently thing is he won’t fuck you. No, he will do everything else and give you absolutely anything you want except well what you want. 

“John.” You say as he starts to take your pants off.

“Yeah doll?” He slows the movement of his fingers and simply rests them on your hips.

“Why- why won’t you- you know fuck me?” So you did notice.

“Well because I- I actually-“ he’s a stuttering mess for the first time since you’ve met. 

“Do you not want to?” You begin as you sit up.

“Of course I do, believe me, but I want to savor you in every single way I can, you're irresistible as you are if I have you the way I want it’s all I’ll think about whilst also trying to not get killed.” He admits while comfortingly rubbing your thigh.

“Oh, that’s actually quite hot.” You feel a little bad, I mean who are you to demand something that’s literally a part of him.

“When I’m back I promise I'll give you my cock like you so desperately want.” Well damn.

——————

“Do you guys share a room wherever these missions are?” You ask as he dices up tomatoes for your antipasto Salad. 

“Em there’s rarely time for sleep but sometimes depending where we are we do and other times we don’t. Most times there aren’t even rooms there’s tents or simply no sleep.” He answers before tossing them into the large bowl beside his cutting board as you hum in understanding.

You didn’t know he knew had to cook, well sort of. He can grill, but that’s something that you cannot. So recently he’s been showing you how to smoke and grill different meats, today is what he said was the best of them all and longest cooking time, brisket. 

“Do they snore?” You ask as he laughs at your random questions.

“Yeah actually soap snores like a fucking pig, it’s horrible.” Now it’s your turn to laugh as he nods towards the door for you to follow him outside so he can check on the meat.

“Do I snore?” you ask sheepishly. He smiles looking over his shoulder at you, your arms crossed across your chest to make up for your lack of a sweater. When he sees you this way, so comfortable and raw, hair in your face and pajamas at 6PM, it’s everything and more. 

“You do.” your eyes go wide.

“No, do I really?” you seem so genuinely concerned.

“Doll everynight i've got to spend beside you has been the deepest and best sleep of my life, if you snore I've got no idea.” 

“Thank goodness.” You sigh out as he approaches you.

“Ready to eat?” He asks brushing hair from your face. 

“Yes.” 

Dinner is more talking than eating on your behalf, you want to soak up every second with him that you can. He listens intently wishing his brain was a recording machine so he could play it back when he needed to feel sane. 

“God John that was so good.” You say half an hour after he’s already finished his meal which was also his third serving. 

“I’m glad, you always cook. I'm happy to be able to provide you with this one thing.” 

“You’ve provided me with much more than this one thing.” You say with a soft smile, it’s so sweet it nearly knocks him breathless.

“I don’t want you to leave.” You admit.

“I know, doll.” He reaches across the table for your hand holding it firmly but not tightly as he looks away.

“But I know you have too.” His eyes return to yours.

“How will I spend my days without thee John Price? What will I do?” You say it over dramatically.

“Nothing too risky I hope.” He replies, eyes crinkling at the corner.

“Maybe I’ll skydive.” You tease.

“Please don’t.” 

“Can’t promise.” You joke.

“You’re going to give me more gray hairs.” He said showing you the few already on his head.

“That’s exactly what I want, I love the grays.” And he loves you, but he can’t bring himself to admit it although it isn’t even something he can try to rid himself of at this point it has consumed him whole, sprouting colorful and beautiful things inside him.

“Movie time my darling up we go.” He says as he stands motioning for you to do also. 

This is something that has become ritual, dinner then movie. It’s the perfect unwinding time although sometimes most times it turns into more.

“You pick?” You say as you hand him the remote, getting comfortable at his side tucking your head beneath his big arm. 

“You’ll fall asleep half way through this.” He looks down at your already drooping eyes.

“No I won’t.” 

“You will.” He plays a show you two had begun the other week as he settles in more comfortably moving one of your legs to rest across him. 

He’s laughing unaware of just about everything as his whole body shakes, that’s until he notices you’re not and to his not so own surprise you’re passed out cold. 

——————

When you wake it’s sometime deep into the night. The tv shows its rest screen and John is sleeping. Unfortunately after a weak attempt at falling asleep you’ve decided you're no longer tired so you just lay there, hand beneath John’s shirt rising and falling with every breath he takes. The only noise to be heard is his heartbeat and the clock ticking. 

You begin to overthink the more time passes, you’ll be alone in just two days. The comfort and protection John brings you will be miles away. This warmth that fulfills your soul won’t be in your home any longer. It scares you, how much you want him around how much you love him. You wonder if this is as hard for him as it is for you or if it’s something he’s gotten used to. 

It’s overbearing, too much. You untangle yourself from him, sliding your leg over his body and onto the floor, stepping as lightly as you can onto solid ground.

You tiptoe to the kitchen and open the fridge for water. You lean against the counter before taking a sip out of the bottle breathing deeply to calm your racing heart. You’re zoned out completely so much that you don’t notice John come into the kitchen till he’s placing his hands on your hips. 

“You scared me.” You jump slightly as he offers you a sleepy smile. 

“What’re you doing awake?” 

“Can’t sleep.” You say not meeting his eyes.

“Why didn’t you wake me?” He asks. 

“thought you’d need as much good sleep as possible.” You say quietly, leaning your head on his chest.

“That’s not as important as you.” He rubs a firm hand onto your back pulling you close. He holds you like this for what seems like eternity and you relish in it.

“I’m going to paint for a little, please go lay back down.” He looks exhausted as you finally bring your eyes to him. 

“Come paint in my room.” He is tired but he’d rather be sleep deprived than have you anywhere but next to him. 

“What? You’re crazy, all my stuff is in the sun room.” You say with a small laugh.

“Then I’ll move it, I can’t sleep when you’re more than 5 feet away from me.” 

“Okay.” You know he won’t give up so you’ve learned to give in.

You simply watch as he picks up the heavy canvas and its easel hauling it across the house as you grab your brushes and paints and follow. 

He sets it dangerously close to his side of the bed, he even moves the nightstand over to the corner to ensure you have enough room. 

“Perfect.” He says after pulling his desk chair out of his office and over to it.

“Yeah actually it kinda is.” You smile. 

“Well, have at it.” He says giving you a firm kiss then walking over to the bed and getting comfortable. You sit in his very big but very comfortable desk chair and begin to mix colors in the small pallet that rests on your thigh.

“Goodnight.” He says pulling the chair towards him with an outstretched arm for one more kiss which you happily give. 

“Night.” 

—————

Released an hour early as a little surprise

It’s my best lol it’ll get better just getting back into my groove:)

As always love ya!!!

————-

@beebeechaos @ttsbaby01 @arminarlertssword @quakeroaksguy @rafaelacallinybbay @bumblebeesfromvenus @glitterypirateduck @midnights-song @lovelythingsinternal @fruitymoonbeams-blog @kkaaaagt @kit-williams @enfppuff @kythefangirl25 @eviltheleon @here4thespice @dclore22 @raethethey @waves-against-a-cliff @novausstuff @darling006 @vampirekilmerfic @Dreams-of-qian-qian @spngingerbread21 @thepumpkinqueen93 @copiasratscheese @youdontknowe @spyderdoll @angels-gonna-play @viisgrave @lieutenantlashfaz @sunndust @beckythecatqueen-blog @aoioozora @o-birdseed-o @mothmothmothmothmothmoth @ihateuguys @oversensitivitea @spicyspicyliving

[cutielando]

caught | j.m.

synopsis: requested by @kkgirll272: Can you write about how JJ and y/n reader sneak out at sunrise into John bs van and things get smutty and then they all wake uk bc they were too loud and find them outside. (None of the pogues knew they liked eachother)

warnings!!: smut, p in v, overstimulation, oral sex (both made and female receiving), unprotected sex (be safe!!), squirting, semi-public sex, secret relationship, getting caught, cockwarming (for like a split second)

my masterlist

The two of you were just hanging out with your friends, gathered around a small fire, drinking and laughing the night away. But there was something about JJ that night that had you all hot and bothered.

The way his hair sat on top of his head, strands adorning his chiseled face and the way the fire illuminated his blonde strands. The shirt he wore putting his biceps on display for you to admire, the way the muscles under his skin flexed with every move that he made. It ignited a fire deep within you, wanting to jump his bones in front of everyone right then and there.

But you couldn't.

None of your friends knew about the secret relationship that had blossomed between the two of you weeks ago. They had always made fun of you and the obvious crushed you had on each other, but hadn't connected the dots that you had let your feelings win and your desires drive you.

You had decided to keep the relationship a secret until you figured out what it actually meant, whether it was just a temporal thing or not, whether it was just about sex or not. And you had actually done a good job hiding it from them.

However, as the growing pressure between your legs grew, the fire deep inside getting stronger and stronger, you felt the need to get away from the bonfire and your friends with JJ and have your way with him.

But there was no way you could both leave undetected without causing suspicion.

"Are you okay?" you hadn't even realized you had zoned out until you felt JJ hot breath on the shell of your ear, his hushed voice causing goosebumps to arise on your skin.

"I'm fine" you said, giving him an unconvincing smile.

JJ got worried for a second, scanning your entire body for something telling him what was wrong with you. The moment his eyes landed on the way you were clenching your thigh together, he fought the smirk that was threatening to erupt on his handsome face.

He had made you horny.

His plan had worked.

There was quite nothing that got JJ going as knowing you were riled up in front of his friends all because of him, and not being able to do anything because of it.

He enjoyed the thrill of sneaking around everyone's back with you like nothing else in the world. Getting to hold you in his arms, kiss your breath away and make you lose your mind and fall apart under him made him think he was in Heaven, and you were his own personal little angel.

However, as he sat there next to you, knowing just how worked up you were and how wet you must be, he realized that his dick was starting to harden in his pants and would be visible for their friends to see on display. Something neither of you wanted.

"Seems like I'm not the only one dying to get fucked" you whispered seductively in his ear, seeing his pants start to constrain against his crotch.

His breath hitched, hating the effect you had on him which made his dick jump in his boxers from your words alone.

Thankfully, it seemed like God was on your side, because not even 5 minutes later, your friends announced that they would be retiring for the night, bidding their goodbyes.

You both waited until they all disappeared into the house before JJ took your hand and started dragging you towards the Twinkie.

"You seriously want to fuck in the Twinkie?" you said, feeling weird to fuck in your best friend's car.

"I don't want them to hear us" he hastily replied, quickly pushing you into the Twinkie and closing the door behind him.

You were sprawled out on the floor, your legs already open and waiting for JJ to finally have his way with you.

"You have no idea how much trouble you're in" JJ muttered, immediately leaning down and planting his lips against yours in a haste kiss.

You gasped from the intensity, which gave JJ to opportunity to slip his tongue in your mouth, intensifying the kiss 100 times over. You were grasping at the hair at the back of his head, your legs winding around his waist to bring him even closer to you.

JJ groaned at the feeling of your wet crotch against his, his dick painfully hard in his shorts.

"Why? I was good, daddy" you whined out against his lips, humping against his clothes crotch in a feeble attempt to relieve the pressure between your legs.

The nickname could have made him cum right then and there. He growled against your mouth, pulling away to take off your shirt and pants in record time.

"Acting like a slut in front of our friends" he mumbled, pressing his lips against yours in a passionate kiss before his lips started making their way down your body.

He slowly inched towards your chest, his lips biting and sucking at the sweet spot on your neck that drove you crazy. You couldn't help but moan out, JJ always knew how to make you weak in the knees for him.

His lips traveled to your breasts, circling around your hardened nipple as his other hand pinched and twisted at your other. You gasped at the electrifying sensation, arching your back against JJ's chest.

"Jayj-" you moaned out, grasping his hair tighter.

He didn't say anything, instead kissing each of your nipples before he traveled towards the place you needed him the most between your legs. He planted feather kisses on the inside of your thighs, his breath tickling your aching pussy with each kiss.

You were growing frustrated at his lack of compassion and wanted to tell him off, but just as you lifted your head off the floor, he dived into your pussy like a man starved, licking a stripe along your aroused slit and all the way to your puffy clit.

"Oh my God" you gasped out, your hand gravitating to hold onto his blonde locks for support.

JJ did not waste any time, starting to suck on your clit like his life depended on him. He lapped at your pussy like it was his last meal, his tongue prodding at the entrance of your pussy.

You were whining and whimpering at the intense feeling, your head thrown back and eyebrows scrunched up.

"Shit, JJ" you gasped out when he inserted two fingers in your dripping hole, pumping in and out of you with a passion.

He looked up at you, his mouth and fingers not letting up for even a split second. Seeing you with your head thrown back, your back arched as he brought you pleasure like no other man ever could, made his already rock hard cock jump in his pants, painful against the restraints of his boxers and shorts.

But he was determined to make you cum with his mouth before he even thought about himself.

Like a man on a mission, he started sucking on your clit more aggressively, adding in a third finger as he was pumping in and out of your dripping wet entrance, knowing you were getting close by the way your walls were fluttering against his fingers.

The hot coil was building rapidly in the pit of your stomach, coming onto you like an unstoppable wave.

"JJ, I'm gonna come, shit, I'm gonna cum baby" you barely let the words out before you moaned loudly, your thighs clasping around JJ's head as your pussy walls throbbed against his face.

Your head was fuzzy, every nerve in your body was on fire as your legs were shaking in your orgasmic bliss.

JJ kept sucking on your clip throughout your orgasm, enjoying the feeling of you thrashing on the floor because of him, because of the things he could do to you.

He slowly slipped his fingers out of you, pressing a kiss to your puffy clit, which had you shake with overstimulation to your sensitive privates.

"That was so fucking hot, mama" he praised you, inching up and pecking your lips before he started taking off his clothes.

"You made me cum so hard, JJ" you laughed, your brain not even registering what you were saying or doing.

JJ chuckled, pride swelling in his chest. He knew he could make you feel good, but hearing it from your mouth was better than anything else.

After a couple of seconds, you slowly sat up just as JJ slipped off his boxers and threw them in the pile you had created on the seats. His throbbing cock slapped against his stomach, the tip an angry red and dripping precum. JJ hissed as the cold air hit his tip, eyeing your movement as you stared at his cock.

You slowly stood up and kneeled before him, eye-to-eye with his impressive length. No matter how many times the two of you would fuck, you could never get over how big and thick and perfect his cock was.

"Are you gonna help me out, baby?" JJ asked as he trailed a hand down your cheek.

Without warning, you wrapped your lips around his hot cock, swirling your tongue around the mushroom tip and sucking harshly. JJ groaned and his knees almost buckled, throwing his head back and closing his eyes.

You slowly began working your way down his shaft, bobbing your head up and down while your hands fondled with his balls. You were taking as much of him as you possibly could, pushing him down your throat past your gag reflex.

"Just like that, baby. You're taking this dick so well, baby. Such a good slut, choking on my dick like this" JJ praised you, taking a hold of your hair in a ponytail as he enjoyed the sight of you with his cock down your throat, tears in your eyes.

JJ closed his eyes and started grinding his hips against you, his cock hitting the back of your throat every single time. You were massaging his balls as best as you could, sucking him in every time he would hit the back of your throat.

Suddenly, an idea popped into your head which would make JJ cum even faster. You started swirling your tongue up and down the veins of his dick every time he would push into your mouth, which brought on the stuttering of his hips you knew too well.

"Fucking shit, I'm gonna cum, baby. Gonna give you so much of my cum, princess. Oh shit" JJ gasped out, pushing all the way until your nose was pressed against abdomen, his cock twitching and spurting long roped of cum down your throat.

JJ's hips kept stuttering as he slowly came down from his high, your combined cum and saliva dripping from the corner of your mouth. Your eyes were wide when you noticed his cock was still as hard as he had been 10 minutes ago, which made JJ chuckle.

"JJ junior has to fuck you before he retires for the night" he teased, making you laugh.

You rapidly laid back on the floor of the Twinkie, JJ coming to settle between your legs.

He pressed his lips against yours, his hand traveling to grasp his aching cock. He ran the mushroom tip over your slit, coating it with your arousal, before slowly sliding in your pussy, the both of you moaning in unison at the feeling of being joined, once again.

"You feel so fucking good, baby" JJ moaned, going in until he was buried to the hilt, his tip already nudging that sweet spot inside of you that had you seeing stars.

You moaned out, your hands reaching for his hair to have something to hold onto.

Slowly, he started sliding in and out of you, your walls sucking him in with every thrust. He was slowly building rhythm, wanting to make sure you felt every single vein in his dick, every single part of him that was devoted to you.

"JJ, holy shit" you gasped out when he started thrusting at a more urgent pace, your eyes rolling in the back of your head.

"You're doing so good for me, mama. This tight little pussy swallowing me hole, made just for me to fuck" he groaned, leaning down to bury his face in the crook of your neck.

You could care less about your friends who were sleeping a couple of feet away from you, the danger of being caught non-existent in your cock-drunk mind.

You were holding onto JJ for dear life, your nails digging into his shoulder blades as he rocked in and out of you at a rapid pace.

Your nerves started tingling, the second orgasm of the night coming in faster that you had anticipated. But this time, something was different. You couldn't tell what, but you were about to find out.

"Jay, I'm gonna-" you couldn't even finish your sentence before his hand reached down between you two, his rough fingers pressing down on your clit and rubbing quick figures on it.

You screamed, the feeling of having to pee becoming overwhelming as the coil burst and you suddenly squirted all over JJ's cock, squealing at the intense feeling of JJ's cock fucking you through your orgasm.

JJ kept rubbing and pressing on your puffy clit, coaxing more and more squirt out of your poor pussy. He hadn't realized the effect it had had on him until he could feel his heavy balls tingling.

You were hazed out, eyes closed as pathetic whimpers escaped your lips.

Taking a hold of your lips, JJ started pounding mercilessly into you, the pace had you moaning and screaming out from the intense feeling of overstimulation.

"That was the hottest shit I've ever seen, princess. Fucking shit, I'm gonna cum so hard for you, gonna cum so deep inside of you" he groaned, making you cry out as he sped his movements even more, your breasts bouncing as the Twinkie thrashed wildly with JJ's unforgiving pace.

His hips started stuttering and then you felt him still inside of you, burying himself to the hilt as ropes of cum painted your inside walls, JJ's pelvis spasming against your as he moaned out loudly. The feeling of his cum inside of you triggered yet another orgasm from you, your walls spasming around his length and milking him for all he was worth.

The feel of your walls milking his cock prolonged his orgasm, turning the both of you into a joined moaning mess.

"Holy shit" you exclaimed as you slowly came to your senses, your hands wrapping weakly around JJ's shoulders and bringing him in for a sweaty hug, his softening cock still buried deep inside of you.

"That was the best sex we've ever had" he chuckled, making you agree and nod.

You stayed like that for a while, the occasional spasm of your walls against his softening dick making the both of you whimper silently.

Neither of you had even thought about your friends, not bothering to be silent as you were having the sex of your lives.

A knock on the van window made you both sit up hurriedly, JJ's cock slipping out of you and making you both shudder.

"I can't believe you guys fucked in my van, man!" John B exclaimed from outside, turning around when he saw you were both naked.

"The whole fucking street heard you, Jesus Christ" Pope added, while Kie just smiled and winked at you from the corner of her eye.

You and JJ looked at each other before bursting out laughing, leaning against each other.

Oh, that was going to be a funny story to tell.

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[alwaysmicado]

Trouble

5.3k | 18+ MDNI | fwb!Joel Miller x f!reader | pt. 5

Warnings: no outbreak AU, implied age gap, D/s dynamic, rough oral (m receiving), spitting, cum eating, leg humping, degradation/praise, humiliation kink, pet names, aftercare, feelings Summary: After you’ve distracted Joel from work with your explicit texts all day, he decides to teach you a lesson.  A/N: Consensual degradation & humiliation – my beloved. This one's for you if you're into unadulterated filth with feelings sprinkled on top hehe. Let me know what you think, I love hearing your thots! 🤍

pt. 1 ・ pt. 2 ・ pt. 3 ・ pt. 4 ・ series masterlist

“You sure you got nothing else to say to me?”

“I’m—sorry?”

“No,” he tilts his head and you see the hint of a smirk tugging at his lips. “But you will be when I’m done with you.”

---

“Sneaking out for a hot date?” 

Busted. 

You sigh and turn around to face Kristen’s triumphant grin. Beautiful Kristen. The only person at your job with a bearable personality. 

If you only had Janice from accounting and her incessant yapping about her feral kids, or John from HR and his never-ending tirades against “modern women”, you probably would have burnt down the building already.  

Kristen’s been your lifeline over the past two years at this job. She’s upbeat, fun, a gifted painter and the closest thing to a female friend you have. 

Her only flaw: she’s so nosy it’s not even funny.

After your get-well-fuck with Joel three days ago where he left multiple marks on your neck, you not only plastered a bunch of foundation over the purple reminders of his fever-fueled nipping, you also wore a silk scarf which, in hindsight, was a dumb idea.

The first thing you were welcomed with when you came in that morning was an enthusiastic “You go, girl!” followed by giggling after Kristen saw your unimpressed face. 

You shoot her a half-hearted smile and raise an eyebrow. “Who says it’s a date?” 

Kristen’s grin widens. “Oh, come on! You think I don’t notice the way you giggle at your phone like a lovesick idiot?”

“Oh, shut up,” you protest in mock offense. What the hell is she talking about? You don’t do that. “I got a doctor’s appointment. Nothing hot about that,” you say nonchalantly.

Kristen leans in, lowering her voice dramatically. “A doctor, huh? Do you have an ache only he can cure with his special tool?”

“You’re a pervert, you know that?” 

“Yeah, duh. That’s why you love me,” she chuckles, causing the corners of your own lips to twitch. 

“Well,” she smirks, “I hope the doctor will take the best care of you.” 

You roll your eyes at her teasing, grab your bag and blow her a kiss before heading out. You leave the office with a grin, reveling in the sunshine that greets you when you step out.

The warmth of the day feels refreshing against your skin as you stroll to the parking lot. Your dress, despite being a result of prolonged laundry procrastination, is surprisingly comfortable, allowing you to appreciate the light breeze that rustles its fabric. 

The sun casts a golden hue on the cityscape and you can't help but smile at the small pleasures of life – the sun on your face, a staff meeting getting canceled earlier, finding twenty bucks in an old pair of jeans this morning.

Life is okay at the moment.

Despite work kicking your ass, your mother trying to guilt-trip you into coming “home” and the last hookup you had throwing you out in the middle of the goddamn night because his wife came home from her business trip early.

You’re feeling good. 

One might even say you’re happy.

If only there wasn’t this nagging feeling in the pit of your stomach.

You take a deep breath and straighten your shoulders when you see your Uber pull up. Get yourself together. 

The car winds through the city streets, and as you give Joel's address to the driver, you can't help but feel a flutter of anticipation. The engine hums softly as you navigate the familiar turns, presenting the perfect background to lose yourself in a daydream.

As you settle into the comfort of your bed, the world outside fades away. In the gentle embrace of your imagination, you feel a figure appear behind you. Their warmth is a soothing balm, and as they pull you close, a profound sense of security envelops you. The weight of the world, of your being lifts, replaced by the tender reassurance of this ethereal embrace.

In this imagined sanctuary, sleep finds you easily, cradled in the arms of solace. The whispered promise of warmth and safety lingers, allowing dreams to unfold like petals, undisturbed and serene in the soft glow of moonlight.

The notification sound of your phone pulls you back to reality. Glancing at the screen, you see Joel's name. You open the message and involuntarily press your thighs together, your pulse quickening instantly. 

Door’s open. Get naked, then come upstairs.You’re in real trouble, angel.

---

The familiar scent of Joel’s home greets you when you step inside. It smells more like home than your apartment or any other place you’ve lived in since you were a child. Safe, warm, comforting – like its owner. And it’s a surprisingly well-decorated and welcoming home for a bachelor.

So much so that you asked him flat out if he had a wife on your first night together.

You take your shoes off and put your bag on the couch in the living room before heading to the downstairs bathroom to wash your hands and quickly check if you look presentable. Your eyes are a bit swollen from lack of restful sleep, but other than that, you’re good to go.

As you take your dress, bra and panties off, you somewhat fondly remember the last time Joel ordered you to his home because you were sending him filthy texts and photos while you both were at work. 

You spent thirty minutes sitting still on his lap while he worked on his computer, his throbbing cock buried deep inside you. Every time he would shift in his chair a little, you would whimper into the crook of his neck and he would whisper into your ear how well you were doing for him and draw soothing circles on your back with his palm.

You hated and loved every torturous second of it. 

The office door is open when you come upstairs. Your eyes widen when you see Joel sitting at his desk. It’s incredible how handsome he looks. He’s wearing a black t-shirt, blue gym shorts and his glasses as he’s staring at the computer and typing something with his index fingers.

Your heart starts beating faster as you take him in, the domesticity of this scene giving you an unexpectedly warm feeling deep within you. 

“You just gonna stand there and stare at me?” Joel asks with a swivel of his chair, his body now facing yours. He saw you out of the corner of his eye before but now that he’s getting a good look at you, his jaw almost hits the floor.

He will never get used to seeing you naked. 

“God, you’re so much more beautiful in real life,” he murmurs, his pupils blown wide and the admiration in his voice unmistakable.

You give him a satisfied smile as you lean against the doorframe. “I sure hope so,” you tease. 

“Do you know why you’re here, darlin’?” Joel asks with a tilt of his head, his brow slightly furrowed.

“I’m assuming it has something to do with the silly little texts and pics I sent you to brighten up your day,” you say, feigning innocence. “Did you like them?” 

“You really think now’s the time to be a brat, huh?” He chuckles and shakes his head. “Alright, then.” His eyes sparkle dangerously as he sits back in his chair and spreads his legs wider.

“You sure you got nothing else to say to me?”

“I’m—sorry?”

“No,” he tilts his head and you see the hint of a smirk tugging at his lips. “But you will be when I’m done with you.”

You bite your lip as your eyes focus on the visible bulge in Joel’s shorts, and try to suppress the huge grin that’s threatening to spread across your face. This is exactly what you wanted and you both know it.

“Hands and knees, baby,” Joel orders calmly and puts his hands on his thighs. “C’mere.”

You lower yourself on all fours without hesitation and crawl towards him slowly, making sure to sway your hips and never break eye contact. Joel’s the only person you’d put yourself in such a submissive position for and you revel in the exhilarating feeling it gives you.

Joel keeps his eyes trained on you, subtly rubbing his thighs as you come closer to where he’s needed you all day. His eyes are dark and full of need as he licks his lips and follows the mesmerizing movement of your body. He likes how you, despite your brattiness, know perfectly well where your place is. 

“Look at what you did,” he says, once you’re kneeling on all fours between his spread legs. He palms his throbbing cock over the fabric and your eyes widen a little, your pussy clenching around nothing.

“That's right, baby, you did this. And now you need to take responsibility for your actions.” He gently caresses your cheek, tracing your lips with his thumb.

When he presses on your lower lip, you instinctively open your mouth enough for his finger to slip inside. He presses on your tongue, admiring the feeling and your willingness to submit.

“Look at you,” he chuckles, gently rubbing his cock. “Such a little slut, always wants something in her mouth.”

He moves his thumb further along your tongue, causing you to furrow your brow and gag a little. “You couldn't help yourself, huh, just had to put on a show all day like the needy whore you are.” 

He takes his thumb out of your mouth and pulls his shorts all the way down, letting them fall on the floor next to his chair. His heavy cock flops against his lower belly, causing you to swallow and part your lips instinctively. Joel smirks at your reaction, enjoying the raw need sparkling in your eyes as he strokes himself slowly.

You start squirming, pressing your thighs together to alleviate at least some of the uncomfortable ache between your legs, and let out an almost inaudible whine as Joel continuously strokes up and down his length while looking at you curiously. 

He leans in and tilts your chin up, his dark eyes boring into you.

“That’s it, isn’t it?” He asks softly, feigning concern. He looks from you to his cock and back, raising an eyebrow. “All of this just because you’re a pathetic little cockslut with nothing else in her dumb little head than my cock. Isn’t that right, angel?”

You nod slowly, your lips slightly parted, hypnotized by Joel’s big eyes and filthy words.  

“Use your words, slut,” he growls, gripping the back of your neck to tilt your head up even more. 

“I just—wanted you so bad, I–” 

“Aww, of course you did,” he teases you, a small smile tugging at his lips. “Tell me your safeword, angel.” 

He looks into your eyes intently as you say it out loud, then puts a soft kiss on your lips. You whimper when he withdraws, the feeling of his warm lips lingering. 

“Open up,” he orders with a tap of his fingers to your bottom lip. “Stick your tongue out for me.” 

You obey and do as he says, looking into his eyes expectantly. You watch in awe and pure need as the thick glob of saliva makes its way down from Joel’s mouth and lands on the back of your tongue. A shiver runs down your spine as you feel it run down your throat. 

“Swallow.” He gently puts a strand of hair behind your ear as you show him your empty mouth. “Good girl.”

You moan softly at his praise and furrow your brow when your eyes find his cock again. 

“You really want it, huh,” Joel purrs, trailing your neck and chest gently with his hands. When he brushes your nipples, you wince a little, eliciting a low chuckle from him. “Spread your legs, baby. Let me see your little pussy.” 

He sucks in a sharp breath, his cock twitching impatiently when you sit back on your heels and present your glistening folds.

“Fuck me,” he murmurs, tracing your belly all the way down to your mound and stopping right before touching your clit. “Must’ve been uncomfortable to sit in that all day, hm?” 

He gently pulls your lips apart with his thumbs and index fingers, inspecting you closely. “Your little clit is so swollen, baby, does it hurt?” 

“Mhm,” you whine, his touch so close to your neglected bundle of nerves torturing you beyond belief. “It–it hurts so bad, Sir.” 

“Hmm,” he searches your eyes, “and that’s why you thought it was a good idea to send me all those naughty messages?” He spreads your lips apart further, eliciting a long moan from you. “You thought I’d fuck you if you did?”

“Y–yes,” you stammer, your legs trembling, “I’m sor–”

You’re cut off when Joel lets go of your lips and swipes his fingers through your dripping wet folds agonizingly slowly, once, twice, three times, barely brushing your pulsating clit. 

Listening to the noises you make and feeling your hot cunt on his hand is enough to make him almost come, despite his cock not having any contact at the moment. His eyes never leave yours as you whimper desperately, his barely there touch enough to build your long overdue orgasm.

“Go on, angel,” he withdraws his hand and holds his hand up to your lips, “clean up the mess you made.”

He pushes his wet fingers into your mouth, forcing you to suck your own juices off of him. You do so eagerly, sucking and licking his fingers, moaning around them. 

“You would’ve sucked my cock in front of everyone if I had let you, huh.” You let out a desperate moan, feeling your pussy get wetter at the thought. “That’s right, baby,” Joel chuckles. “Show everyone you’re my little cockslut.”

He pulls his fingers out of your mouth, satisfied with the job you did, then grabs your chin hard, his wet fingers pressing into your hot cheeks.

“You want it so bad, baby? Then beg for it.” 

“Please,” you whine. “Please let me suck your cock, please, I–I want your cock so bad—”

“All yours, baby.”

He leans back in his chair, clasping his hands behind his head, looking at you through lidded eyes. 

“Fuuuck, that’s it,” Joel groans as you start licking and sucking at his balls, then lightly trace the veins of his cock with your warm tongue, swirling it around the tip, licking up the salty precum. You look at him expectantly as you lick up and down his length, fondling his balls with your hand. 

He smiles at the needy look in your eyes, finding it unbelievably hot that you want to, need to hear his praise so badly even though it’s obvious that everything you do to him is and feels beyond perfect. 

“Good girl,” he says softly, eliciting a little whimper from you. “Now stop teasing and take it.”

You immediately hold him up by the base and take the tip into your mouth, sucking on it eagerly. You take him further, inch by inch, bobbing your head up and down his shaft until he’s nudging the back of your throat. Your eyes well over with tears as you gag around his cock. Joel groans in response, his whole body tensing as he tangles his hands in your hair.

You make a surprised sound when he leans over you and pushes your head down until your nose is rubbing his pubic hair, giving you no chance to move your head. He keeps his length buried deep inside you for a few seconds before pulling you up, a thick string of saliva mixed with precum connecting you two, only to push you right back down.

“Fuck, I love the sounds you make,” Joel pants as you choke and whine loudly. 

He pulls your head back up to let you catch your breath and make sure you’re enjoying yourself as much as he is. He knows from the look in your eyes that you are, but he wants to make sure before you continue. 

“What’s your color, angel?” 

You look at him with bleary eyes, but give him a dazed smile and whisper, “Green.”

Joel nods and caresses your wet cheeks, wiping away some of your tears with his thumbs. 

He traces your swollen lips with the head of his cock, loving the way his precum sticks to them. 

“Breathe through your nose, baby,” he pants. “Can’t have you passing out on me.”

You wrap your lips around his head, swirl your tongue around it, then bob your head again – messily, sloppily, just the way he likes it. 

“Good girl,” he breathes, thrusting his hips to slide in and out of your mouth, smiling at you and petting your hair. “Such a perfect little fleshlight.”

You tremble and moan around him, not entirely sure if his filthy mouth, his groaning, or the fact that he’s using you for his pleasure  is turning you on the most. You just know you love it when he holds your head steady and fucks your mouth roughly, taking what he wants from you, making you gag and choke, saliva and tears running down your cheeks, chin, neck, and body.

You look like a masterpiece. 

“I’m close, baby,” Joel pants, your perfect, wet mouth and the admiration he sees in your big, wet eyes making him tremble every time he thrusts his hips into you. You push him right over the edge when you squeeze his balls hard. 

He comes with a strangled groan, shooting rope after rope of warm cum down your throat and onto your tongue. You welcome it with eager moans, so far gone that you don’t realize what you’re doing until after it’s too late — you swallow it all without his permission.

Fatal mistake. 

Joel grabs you by your hair, pulling you off his pulsating cock, still breathing heavily.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing, huh?”

Your eyes widen in shock, your lip quivering. “I–I'm sorry, I–I forgot.”

“You forgot?” Joel sighs and raises his eyebrows. He loosens his grip in your hair and looks at your eyes welling up with tears. You stumble over your words as you keep apologizing over and over again. You’re so perfect like this. 

“What’s your color, baby?” 

“Green, Sir,” you sniffle. “It’s green.”

“Now what am I supposed to do with a fleshlight that doesn’t work right, hm?” He tilts your chin up and rubs it softly with his thumb. “Do you think you deserve to get fucked?”

“I’m—please, I'll be good, I promise,” you choke out through tears and hiccups. “Please, I’ll do anything you want, just please—”

Joel smirks and leans back in his chair. “No need to tell me that, angel. I know you’ll do anything.” He lifts his foot between your thighs, eliciting a small, needy noise from you when he presses it against your swollen cunt.

“You’re so fucking wet, baby. All from being used, hm?”

“Yes, Sir,” you whine, wiping your cheeks and trying your hardest to stay still. “Thank you.”

“Such a pathetic little slut.” He rubs his foot against your folds, and you moan, closing your eyes, your lips trembling, your face hot from embarrassment and arousal. Joel presses harder and you cry out, your hips jerking instinctively. 

“Pathetic enough to hump my leg?”

He snorts when he sees the stunned look on your face. You are definitely startled, but you don't protest. Joel can see a mix of hesitation and need in your eyes, and he understands that he needs to push you.

“I’m not going to fuck you,” he says, gently petting your hair, “so you better thank me for letting you come at all.”

He sighs and pulls your head back by your hair when you don’t answer fast enough. 

“Use your words, slut.”

“Th–thank you,” you whimper. “I–I just–” You trail off, too shocked and embarrassed to finish your sentence, your voice trembling as you babble unintelligibly.

You hear Joel say your name and feel him cup your cheeks. “Look at me, sweetheart.”

You sniffle and try to focus on his eyes. “Tell me your color,” he says gently, his deep voice soothing your nerves. 

“Still green,” you breathe, swallowing hard. 

He searches your eyes and nods before sitting back up and extending his leg a little.

“Go on, then.”

You look at the satisfied smirk on his face before taking a deep breath and scooting forward, adjusting yourself against Joel’s leg. Gripping Joel’s thigh for balance, you tilt your hips forward until your clit makes contact with his hairy leg. You shudder at the feeling, a needy little moan escaping your lips. 

Joel’s pupils are so blown, his eyes are completely black now. 

You slowly drag your hips upward and duck your head, embarrassed that you’re actually enjoying this – and that you’re this wet. After slowly rocking your hips up and down a few times, you can’t keep yourself from moaning anymore. It feels to fucking good.

You shift a little and allow yourself to set a pace that will make you come. You nuzzle your face against Joel’s thigh and don’t hold back anymore, rutting against his leg with abandon, chasing your release. 

“That’s it, angel,” Joel purrs, gently brushing a wet strand of hair out of your face. “You’re doing so well for me.”

You rock your hips against his leg over and over again, your brows furrowed, whimpering desperately as you grind your wet folds against Joel’s leg, the friction causing your whole body to shudder.

Joel fucking loves seeing you like this; pliant, obedient, wanting to be good so badly that you’d do anything to please him. Most of all, though, he loves how much you trust him. 

“You’re such a good girl,” he praises, tilting your chin up to look into your glazed over eyes. “My good girl.”

You moan at his words, your fingers digging into the flesh of his thighs, your hips jerking frantically, desperate for release. Joel smiles softly at your reaction, reveling in the fact that he's ruining you for anyone else.

He fucking delights in it.

“That’s right, angel. Keep looking at me with those beautiful eyes.”

You barely hear what he says as your breathing comes out in noisy, deep gasps, too far gone, too overwhelmed to feel embarrassed at fucking yourself on Joel’s leg. There are no thoughts left in your brain, your only focus now is chasing your climax.

“Feels good, huh? Such a spoiled brat, aren’t you,” he taunts, marveling at your blissed out expression and the sheen of sweat glistening on your naked body.

“You think you deserve to come, hm? Even though you’re just a dumb little whore, only good for taking my cock in all her holes?”

That’s almost enough right there to tip you over the edge. 

“Tell me what you are.”

You let out a choked sob, fresh tears making their way down your cheeks. Joel wipes them away with his thumbs as you stutter, “I’m–I’m your dumb little whore, Sir. I’m all yours — please, please–”

He gives you a warm smile as his dark eyes bore into. “Come for me, angel.”

You press your throbbing clit hard against him, humping his leg feverishly until the tension finally snaps and shockwaves grip your whole body, your legs trembling as you moan uncontrollably. Your walls contract around nothing as you collapse onto Joel’s thigh and start sobbing.

It’s all too much right now. 

He immediately draws you into his strong arms, lifting you up and cradling you. “Shh, sweetheart,” he purrs, holding you tight and stroking your hair, “you did so well. Are you alright, hm? You want me to go get you a towel?”

Your eyes widen at the suggestion of him leaving you, causing you to shake your head fervently, your tears flowing freely now as you gradually come down from your high. 

“Shh, it’s okay, baby” he coos, putting soft kisses on the top of your head and rubbing soothing circles on your back. “I’m not going anywhere.” 

You're still naked and Joel wants you to feel comfortable and warm, so he swivels you two towards the couch to snag the blanket and drape it over you. He holds you close, whispering into your hair how well you did and how good you are, intermittently pressing soft kisses on your wet face. 

You feel the steady rise and fall of his chest with each breath, a comforting rhythm that wraps around you like a protective cocoon. The warmth emanating from his body seeps into yours, making you feel calm and protected. 

Joel’s not surprised that you need physical affection and closeness right now, knowing that humiliation is one of the most effective ways to make you fly – and crash.

Falling apart in front of somebody, allowing them to see you in such a raw, uninhibited state, is an incredibly vulnerable act.

Joel is not taking your trust lightly. 

When he sees you wipe your nose with your arm, he swivels you back to his desk and opens the drawer to get you some tissues. Your heart skips a beat when you see what else is inside, but you keep quiet. 

“Was I really good?” You mumble after listening to Joel’s calming heartbeat for a few minutes.

“You were perfect, baby,” he says softly, pressing a tender kiss on the crown of your head. 

“So, can you fuck me now?”

The vibrations of Joel’s chuckles reverberate beneath you, making you laugh yourself. 

“How about we make sure you drink enough and eat something first, hm?”

“Just say that your refractory period is getting longer, old man.” 

“Why, hello,” he laughs and pinches your sides, making you squeal, “the princess is back.” You lift your head to look into his eyes. His beautiful, warm eyes. “You think I’ll fuck you if you keep being a brat, hm?” 

“That’s exactly what I think. Because you always do. Because you love it.” 

“Wow,” he chuckles and shakes his head. “All this just now and you’re still sassing me?”

“Just admit you fucking love it, so we can move on and decide what we wanna have for dinner,” you murmur. 

Joel can’t hold back the beaming smile that’s spreading across his face.

Save for last time, you usually leave shortly after you’ve come down. He’ll sometimes ask if you want to stay a bit, but will never pressure you into doing so – even if it hurts him. 

And it does, sometimes, if he’s being honest. 

“Alright, alright,” he sighs deeply, his smile betraying his mocking tone. “I fucking love it when you’re a little brat and torture me all fucking day, making me sit in a fucking meeting for hours on end with a hard cock, listening to some rich fucks who want me to build some bullshit building for them.” 

You giggle at the description of his day and kiss his dimple. “I really am sorry, you know.”

“No you’re not,” he shakes his head. “Now, what are you in the mood for?”

“Can we, um, can we go eat the fattiest, unhealthiest junk food ever and then wash it down with huge cups of pure sugar, so we’re both gonna have a stomach ache for the next three days?” 

“Have I ever told you you’re perfect before?”

---

You step out of the shower, dry off, wash your face with Joel’s face wash and drink a glass of water. Joel put your bag outside the door when you were in the shower, giving you space to do your thing and going downstairs to take a shower there himself.

You’re kind of tired now, feeling a little burnt out.

You put on your panties and retrieve the comfy gym shorts you were smart enough to bring with you from your bag. They’re the only other clean piece of clothing besides the dress you could find in your drawer this morning.

“Joel?” You shout from the top of the stairs. 

“Yeah?”

“Can I borrow a t-shirt?” 

“Sure, darlin’. Just grab one you like.” 

“Thank you.” 

You smile and make your way to Joel’s bedroom. Opening the drawer, your eyes fall on a white shirt you’ve seen him wear many times. Don’t do it. You sigh defeatedly and lift the shirt up to your face, inhaling the unmistakable scent. 

Then you suddenly remember it. Fuck. You need to make sure. 

You put on the shirt and quickly walk to the office. Taking a deep breath and making sure Joel’s not watching you snoop through his things, you open the drawer. 

The polaroid feels strange in your hand as you lift it to take a closer look. 

It’s one of Tommy, you and Joel in it, from the night Tommy introduced you two. You don’t even remember taking this one, but now that you’re looking at it, you see something. It’s the way you’re smiling.

You turn the photo and read the handwritten note that catches your eye. 

when I met her

You swallow hard and put it back. It doesn’t mean anything. You hung the other polaroid, the one of only you and Joel, up in your apartment and that doesn’t mean anything either—right?

“Babe?” Joel’s voice pulls you back.

You turn around and look at him, startled. “I, uh, was just looking for some batteries. Couldn’t find any though.” 

“I got plenty downstairs,” he says with a tilt of his head. “Come on, let’s go.”

---

You’re sitting in a booth, munching on your burger, intermittently sipping your soda. You don’t even realize you haven’t answered Joel for the third time. 

“Are you sure everything’s okay, sweetheart?” Joel touches your arm, his brow furrowed. You look at his concerned face, his cute little frown, before putting down your burger with a sigh. 

“I, uh,” you start but can’t think of the right words. “I’m just feeling a little off these days, I guess. Work’s been stressful and, um, you–you’re gonna think I’m weird,” you murmur while picking at the fries on your plate. 

“Darlin’,” Joel sighs, taking your hand into his, “you’re the weirdest person I’ve ever met.” He chuckles when he sees your offended face. “And I wouldn’t change a thing.”

He rubs the back of your hand softly and searches your eyes. “You know you can tell me anything, right?” 

“It’s, um,” you clear your throat. “Do you ever get this feeling that there’s something looming?”

He tilts his head and looks at you curiously. “I’m not sure I follow, darlin’?”

“Like if you’re happy, do you ever feel like it’s not real, it can’t be real, and there’s something looming? Like there’s something just waiting to fuck everything up?” 

When he doesn’t answer, you avert your gaze and try to withdraw your hand. “I’m sorry, I’m killing the vi–”

“No, sweetheart. Hey, c’mere.” He extends both of his hands to you on the table and you give him yours to hold. “I’m sorry, darlin’,” he murmurs, “your question just caught me off guard a little.”

You softly rub his hand with your right thumb and study his features. He looks gorgeous with his tousled hair and his big cow eyes.

“Look, I know that happiness is hard to accept sometimes because we’re afraid of it not lasting. It may even seem easier to sabotage it preemptively, so we’re not disappointed or don’t get hurt when something bad does happen. And I also know that we sometimes don’t think we even deserve to be happy.”

Bingo. 

“But sweetheart, I need you to understand something,” he squeezes your hands gently, his sincere eyes boring into you.

“If anyone deserves to be happy, it’s you.” 

You try your best to blink away the tears that are forming in your eyes.

---

Thank you for reading! 🤍 part 4 || part 6 || series masterlist

[two-dolla-bills]

Top 10 mechanisms songs that you can get away with playing at a retailers without too many side eyes

I got a job in retail and I felt inspired lol

Disclaimer: this is not a list of the best mechanisms songs/the ones I think deserve to go "mainstream", they're just the ones that would blend in the best

1. Sirens

This song is probably the mechanisms' least "centered" song. It doesn't mention any characters, it has no narration, and out of context it just sounds like A Song that you might hear on the radio. Sirens is to the mechanisms as you're the one that I want is to grease, you know?

2. Trial by song

THIS one. It's in the same category to me as Sirens; you can listen to it by itself and not suspect much. Unlike Sirens which can be completely separated and still make sense, this one is more like a whole new world from Aladdin. There are parts that make it obvious that it's from a larger whole, but if you just so happen to catch the "safe" parts you won't suspect much.

Points were deducted due to Mr. Soldier's unique vocals. (Unique as in not very common in mainstream music)

3. Empty trail

This is no offense to Dr. La Cognizzi, but sometimes when she sings it's hard to make out what she's saying, which works in her favor in these circumstances. It sounds country/rock, which help it blend in with some dad rock songs. If I remember correctly, the melody was actually taken from a Led Zeppelin song, so if you aren't paying attention to what's ACTUALLY being said you can get away with claiming it's a cover.

4. Ties that bind

Although this one does mention many plot points, many fans have stated that they had no idea what the fuck was being said until the have looked for the lyrics (myself included) this, combined with it's jazzy rythm, make it able to blend in with other songs, similarly to empty trail

5. Odin

The most "normal" song out of the entirety of The Bifrost Incident. This song made it to the top five because it has similarities with Roam by the B-52's, but had points deducted due to it clearly being about an awesome space train

6. Lost in the cosmos

This might just be personal opinion, but it sounds like a church song. You can pull off the effect of it being about earth Jesus and not space robot Jesus if you have particularly bad quality speakers and a busy store w/lots of noise. Again, the lyrics kinda give it away as to not being entirely main stream

7. Stranger

Look it's a banger, ok? Many of the lyrics could be taken as just being metaphors, but I feel like you have to squint to "see" it. Pay too much attention and shit gets a little weird. Also, points deducted because it's two men singing together and not a man and a woman, which throws a wrench into the works. At kohl's it might raise some eyebrows but in like hot topic it'll blend in a little better

8. Redeath

You would think a song about a sphoenix (space phoenix) would be lower on the list but you'd be wrong. It's a really pretty song with a good original melody, and it's something that can be drowned out by a particularly rowdy crowd. Like Stranger, it would blend in better at a hot topic than at kohl's, but only slightly.

9. Elysian Fields

The melody in Elysian Fields is taken directly from the song wayfaring stranger, which has been coverd by Jonny Cash, Ed Sheeran, Poor Man's Poison, and The Longest Johns, AS WELL HAS having been featured in the movie 1917 and in the video game The Last of Us II, which make it very recognizable. Because of this recognizability, people who know the original song may be caught off guard by hearing it in a Walmart with completely different lyrics. It was originally in 7th place, but the popularity of the original takes off many points

10. Once and future king

It's a banger, don't get me wrong, but it also very heavily and clearly mentions plot points from the album, which itself is heavily base on Aurtharian mythology; something very well known in the western world (also the names are not common at all and most haven't been in fashion in centuries). In a crowded, busy space with not very good quality speakers it could potentially blend in, but one or two names might sneak out. The only reason it's on the list is because of the instrumental outro, which sounds normal enough

[thalialunacy]

[for the @calaisreno May Promptacular]

(1) (2) (3) (4) (5) 6: cold (7) (8) (9) (10) (11) (12) (13) (14) (15) (16) (17) (18) (19) (20) (21) (22) (23) (24) (25) (26) (27) (28) (29) (30) (31)

'Wasn't it sunny two weeks ago?' John grumbles, taking a too-big gulp of too-hot tea as the usual outside chaos of a Monday morning in London is superceded by-- for fuck's sake-- snow.

His personal chaos, though, is (perhaps predictably) worsened by it.

Sherlock doesn't look up from where he's feeding Rosie from a beaker of scrambled eggs. 'Why is it that people insist on asking inane questions about the weather?'

John turns his eyes heavenward, then crosses to put his mug in the sink. 'I cannot wait until Rosie grows up so I can have a normal conversation with someone,' he mutters.

Sherlock makes a derisive noise. 'Rosamund is not normal nor should she aspire to be. And she is already conversant.'

As if on cue, a sound resembling the word 'Snow!' squeals into the kitchen air.

'That's correct, Ms Watson. 'Snow day.'

'Snow day!' Rosie repeats enthusiastically, flinging her hands in the air. John casually moves the beaker out of flight range. Eggs are relatively easy to clean up, but still.

He looks towards the windows, where the curtains have been pushed back to reveal that brightness that only comes with snow. 'There's barely half an inch out there, you know.'

'Doesn't matter,' Sherlock insists. 'Snow day, it is.'

'Her nursery is still open,' John puts in.

'Snow day!' Rosie yells again.

'I have to go into the clinic,' he tries. The thought of leaving now, though, makes him even grumpier than just the fact of it being a Monday morning with snow on the ground.

Sherlock leans into Rosie. 'What do you think, Rosamund? Don't you agree it's rubbish that your father insists on keeping hours at that dirty place?'

John rolls his eyes. 'Always nice to see your snobbery in full force, then.'

'Nonsense, I'm just stating a fact.'

'Rosie brings home shedloads of germs from nursery every day, Sherlock.'

'All the more reason for you to stop working, cut the number of foreign bodies by half.'

'Sherlock, what--' But John stops, mind stumbling to a conclusion as he stares at Sherlock. Whose neck is starting to redden.

'Never mind,' the detective says, clearly trying to sound neutral but failing. 'Go forth and remain part of the toiling masses.' He plucks Rosie up and takes her over to the window. 'We'll be here having all the fun, we won't miss you at all.'

John pauses, wavering. He puts his coat on, listening as Sherlock and Rosie chat in a language only they understand.

Then he stands up straight, and goes to kiss his daughter goodbye.

Her cheek is soft, her mouth gummy yet sharp with tiny teeth. 'Well,' he says, smoothing back her hair but looking only at Sherlock. 'I cannot say the same will be true for me.'

Sherlock's eyes widen almost imperceptibly. But John's not ready to say more, so he nods once, and makes his way out into the snow.

[ <3 ]

[lemon-natalia]

Nona the Ninth Reaction - Chapter 20

Oh god day 5 already. i really hope ‘the saddest girl in the whole entire world’ isn’t Nona, Nona does not deserve to be sad. also ‘Paul gets born’ … what. what the fuck does that mean is someone going to have a baby??

hello ominous portrait of Gideon’s mum, we meet again

i mean tbf Nona hasn’t had an awful lot of chances to tell them about Gideon being the one in her dream, more important stuff has been going on 

Nona loves magazines :( :( once again the mere mention of magazines is making me sad

oh Nona. something’s not just wrong with her health, she’s literally dying. that’s why she wanted a six month birthday so bad, this is going to make me cry

also, presuming this is 'The Secret’™ that Nona told Hot Sauce … i can imagine that only added to the betrayal, as Hot Sauce, after seeing Nona recover from getting shot, might have thought that Nona was lying to her about it

hmm Palamedes feels pretty certain that Nona is Gideon now, but i really don’t think its going to be that simple - maybe Nona isn’t one singular person but some kind of soul jumble of Harrow, Alecto and Gideon? 

‘the one who wasn’t startlingly handsome’ excuse you Palamedes Gideon is startlingly handsome. to me. 

i feel bad for Hot Sauce as well as Nona, she’s gone through some serious trauma and is only fourteen. that being said, i’m nowhere near as confident as Palamedes, who seems to have a very strong moral code, that Hot Sauce will regret shooting Nona 

ohhh god i desperately hope that Nona manages to survive in some shape or form. i’m so attached to her, i don’t think i can handle her dying 

We Suffer’s name is very apt given how insufferably cryptic she’s being right now 

oh no Corona’s going to Ianthe, isn’t she. i’m very worried about her motives, i’m not convinced that she is as on BoE’s side as she outwardly appears 

‘It was Camilla trying to be Palamedes’ this largely seems to be on purpose by Camilla to get We Suffer to do what she says, but given that Palamedes and Camilla have been body sharing for a good six months now, i wonder if some of their mannerisms and bits of personality are bleeding over unconsciously. also this bit is very reminiscent of Camilla-and-Palamedes together, which i feel like has to come back at some point given how it was set up in the beginning

ahaha Ianthe puppeting Naberius’s body is so fucked up 

Ianthe’s line about hoping the expert in puppeting bodies is ‘out there somewhere admiring my handiwork’ … if she’s referring to Harrow here, then she’s somehow discovered Harrow’s parents died and were being controlled by her. i can’t recall if thats something Harrow shared with her during HtN or not, but if it’s not then i’m concerned about where she got that info 

oh fuck me ngl i totally forgot about the ‘Pyrrha being missing’ part of the plot. i wonder how much Ianthe knows about Pyrrha’s real identity. she’s clearly pretending to be G1deon here (i think) but unless Pyrrha’s also wearing sunglasses rn, Ianthe’s got to know something’s up, surely. even then, she was with Gideon-in-Harrow and saw Pyrrha grabbing sunglasses to cover her eyes at the end of HtN, and i feel like its unlikely Ianthe didn’t notice that?

also i’m sorry is it John that she’s calling Poppa. nobody liked that 

and i think Pyrrha’s gotta be doing some kind of act/infiltration. it doesn’t really line up with her previous actions in HtN to be siding with Ianthe & John now, even if she’s not enthused about BoE

[meetinginsamarra]

mayprompts2024, #29 hero

Chapters 1 to 5 here on AO3

If you like the tattoo AU give it some love on my AO3, please. It would mean a lot to me. TYSM!

+++++

White Pony Tattoo - Part Nine (hero)

John turned around to head for the next bus stop, not knowing if he would even be able to get there. Taking a step and moving away from the tattoo shop seemed impossible. The weight of the world was crushing down on his shoulders and the outlook of not seeing Sherlock for at least a week cut deep into his chest and right into his heart.

The connection I’ve felt, being with Sherlock. Now that it’s gone, I almost feel sick.

John rubbed his eyes and sighed heavily.

Dear God, I think I’ve fallen for him. Fuck. Not just his looks, which are top notch of course, no, it’s the whole package of his personality. Even if he is a real dick at times. I can’t help it.

And yet, I’m wondering.

Did he feel it, too? He practically glowed down there in the lab, speaking to me, showing off his equipment. My appreciation of what he has achieved made him incandescent.

But does he like me back? As a person, as John Watson, the whole package I come with? Or was he just happy to have an audience that applauded his every move? To be forgotten as soon as I’m gone and out of his sight?

The gloomy thoughts clogged John’s brain and rendered him unable to walk away, condemning him to oscillate on the pavement in front of the shop.

“Oh, hello dear. You must be John?”

John was so preoccupied by his musings that he jumped badly when a woman’s voice suddenly adressed him.

“Erm, yes?”

Looking into the direction the voice had come from, John registered a frail but distinguished looking old lady. She had just sat down two heavy looking bags with groceries and held a bunch of keys in her hand. A large golden number dangled from the main key ring.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you. But you looked so forlorn and sad. Sherlock has not rejected you again, or has he?”

“Ah, no, he’ll tattoo me,” John quickly connected the puzzle pieces, “and you must be Sherlock’s landlady.”

“Tch, I forgot to introduce myself properly.” She chuckled and offered her hand. “I’m Martha Hudson. Most of the time I’m more like Sherlock’s housekeeper since he cannot be arsed to do the simplest household chores himself.”

Shaking her hand firmly, John laughed. “That sounds very much like him. Always thinking about ink, is he?”

“Yes, yes. He calls it the INK, written all in capital letters. It’s his greatest passion, he cares for little else.” She unlocked the front door.

This offhand comment struck a chord in John, one whose sound he did not really want to hear again. Doubt. Doubt if Sherlock really cared about him apart from putting INK on his skin. He shook himself mentally, trying to get rid of the anxiety that crept upon him like a feral beast.

“Pleased to meet you. Let me just praise the scones you’ve made. They’ve been the best I ever had.”

Mrs Hudson made a delighted sound. “What a charmer you are!”

“Just telling the truth.” John pointed to the grocery bags. “Can I help you with these?”

“Oh, please, if you don’t mind, dear. When the weather is like this, my bad hip is always acting up.”

John carried the bags into 221A, Mrs Hudson’s flat on the ground floor. He put them onto her kitchen table and was about to leave when she invited him on a cup of tea as a thank you for his help. Like every proper Englishman, John could not refuse.

“Did you know that Sherlock explicitly requested tea and scones for you today?” Mrs Hudson said when she handed John the cup with steaming hot tea, watching his face quizzically.

“No?” The undeniable sly look on her otherwise so friendly and open face caught John a bit on the wrong foot. “I thought it was the usual hospitality he shows to his clients.”

Mrs Hudson outright laughed.

“My dear, he never cares about hospitality. The clients come to him anyway, no matter how rude he behaves. Can you imagine my surprise when he asked me to provide tea and scones for your appointment today?”

She refilled John’s tea cup. “He said I need tea and the best scones you can bake when John comes back. Sherlock even added a please in an afterthought.”

“He was sure I’d come back and acept his offer. He just knew.” John shrugged. “He knew me better than I know myself.”

“Not the point, dear. Sherlock wanted to have tea and scones for you. He wanted to impress you and be nice. You must mean something to him if he goes to such lenghts, don’t you think?” Mrs Hudson winked and grinned.

John wondered if she had adopted this mannerism from Sherlock or if it had been the other way around.

“I don’t know. I’d like to think so.” John decided to be honest with Mrs Hudson. Somehow, he was convinced he could trust her. He added wistfully. “I really wish I would be more to him than just the next canvas to put his INK onto.”

“He’s had a hard time in the past,” Mrs Hudson said, “he doesn’t let people get close to him easily or quickly lowers the protective shield he’s put around his heart.”

“Really?” John wondered. “He seemed pretty open and relaxed when he showed me all the stuff in his ink laboratory in the basement.”

“He what?” Mrs Hudson cried out and jumped up. The hip was not bothering her now, apparently.

“John! He never lets people in there. It’s his sanctum sanctorum. It took four months and constant nagging on my behalf until he let me take a look and I own this house. If he shows it to you just like this, you have to be very special to him already!”

Blissful warmth spread through John’s body. His nerves tingled and his blood sang a dulcet melody full of hope. Could it be that…

John beamed. “Thank you so much for telling me, Mrs Hudson. That he cares about me.”

Suddenly, Mrs Hudson’s posture changed.

She fixated John with ice cold eyes, pinning him on the chair. Steel had replaced every trace of her earlier softness and age-related frailty. She stepped up to John.

“Just to give a you heads-up, you’re not the only person who cares about Sherlock.” Her voice was sharp, quiet and deadly serious. “Or protects him.”

It sent chills running down John’s spine.

Mrs Hudson briefly squeezed John’s shoulder. “If you hurt him, I’ll lace your tea with rat poison. I know a nice lad who is a building contractor and he’ll bury your body somewhere in a concrete slab.”

Theatrical as it might appear, John believed her every word.

And just like this, the fearsome avenging angel that had occupied Mrs Hudson’s body disappeared, leaving the nice old landlady behind.

“Do you want another cup of tea, my dear?” She asked sweetly.

In this moment John decided that Martha Hudson was a true heroine.

++++++

tagging some people @totallysilvergirl @peageetibbs  @lisbeth-kk @raina-at @calaisreno

[c-e-d-dreamer]

I'm feeling spicy and hot-take-y on this fine Saturday morning, so I just need to get this off my chest.... I fucking hate Emorie. If Emorie has no haters, then I am dead.

In my opinion at least, it's one of those lazy ships you often see. Because, that's the thing, it's something that exists across multiple fandoms and frankly across media in general. Where two queer characters are shipped together or end up together simply because they're queer.

Like honestly, why do Mor and Emerie make sense as a ship? What is it they have in common? Other than them both being warriors because literally everyone in these books minus Elain is one at this point. Why are they a perfect match? Genuinely asking.

Is it just because Mor is openly queer and Emerie is queer coded? 🙃

Because that's what always happens! It's like oh well these are the two queer characters, so they have to end up together. That is the unfortunate trend. And that's just insulting to any and all queer fans and like I said, it's LAZY! You would never do that to het ships.

I mean look how many essay long, color coded posts for whatever configuration of Az and Elain's ships there are! Do you ever see those for Emorie? Ever see anyone touting out all the contextual evidence of why they're a perfect match?

The only actual contextual evidence we have is Mor saying how much she hates Illyria. In fact, she literally tells Feyre that she wishes someone would burn the whole place to the ground when they visit Windhaven. And you want her to be with Emerie? What in the John Smith and Pocahontas BS? Be so fucking for real. Is Emerie going to teach Mor that not all Illyrians are brutes? 🤮 Spare me!

While I have literally -5 hope in SJM, I would love to see more queer characters introduced! Characters that actually make sense for Mor and for Emerie. Maybe one of the mostly unnamed priestesses? Another Illyrian? Someone new from the Winter Court since we know Mor has spent time there with Vivianne? Like please please please give us more genuine representation! Because both Mor and Emerie deserve happy endings and the type of romance their het-co-characters get! They deserve color coded essays on why this fae is actually The One for them. Ya know?

I just wish that fandoms and media as a whole would stop reducing queer characters to just their queerness. Them being queer is not in fact their entire personality. And that's my soapbox 🫡

[pekoehoneyncream]

Captain John 'Bravo Six' Price Headcanons

Part One!

Words: 500~

TW: None (sfw)

Part Two

Okay! Here are the promised headcanons!

The brainrot is intense for these boys rn, so the volume of headcanons kinda got outta hand. I didn't wanna slam y'all with the full 800+ words of headcanons that I've made for Price alone, so I decided that I'll post half now and half later.

That said, Thank you all again for the Huge response my poll got, and without further ado onto the The Headcanons!

His preferred drink is Green Tea with a spoonful of honey. He loves getting to sit, relax, and slowly sip his way through a nice hot cup of tea. If he’s in a rush or just needs to wake up he drinks coffee instead.

Takes his coffee with the smallest bit of sugar and no milk. His team argues that three grains of sugar can't make any difference, but Price insists that he doesn't like coffee straight black, he needs that bit of sweetness. The team once tested him by switching out his coffee for an identical cup of straight black coffee. Price's disgusted spluttering showed them that he can indeed easily taste the difference.

Cannot just sit down and do nothing. Always needs to be doing something. This man is a category five putterer. Just goes about absently neatening up, putting things back where they belong, pulling books forward to be level with the edge of the shelf, squaring papers with the corner of the table, wiping down the surfaces, adjusting his kit so it’s settled properly. He’ll do the same to the team as well. Mindlessly untwisting straps, pulling tight buckles, zipping pouches, pulling down the rucked-up hem of Ghost’s mask, straightening Gaz’s cap, correcting a stray hair in Soap’s warhawk.

The absolute worst at remembering names, constantly asking the team what this or that person's name is. Has a little notebook full of reminders that are only useful to him, the privates and FNGs think he's marking down performance notes, but he's just desperately trying to remember that one rookie's name before they leave eyesight. “Price, this just says ‘Michaels - Red Hat’, do you expect him to always wear a red hat?” “No, but I remember the hat, then I remember the face that was wearing the hat, and that face is Michaels'.” “Price, that makes no sense.” “Give that back and get. Have you nothing better to do? Go on, get!”

Paints his nails. He got a voucher for a free spa day as a birthday present one year, it included hot-rock therapy, mud-baths, a massage, and a mani-pedi. He went into it with a ‘fuck it, when in rome’ mentality and just said yes to everything while he was there. They explained that gel-polish is hardier and longer lasting than regular polish, without being super hard to remove like acrylics, so he went with gel-polish. At the time he just got a clear polish, but these days he does it himself and wears whatever colours he wants to. Has his own polishes and his own little uv lamp and everything. He could die on a mission tomorrow, he doesn't have time for your small minded ideas about masculinity. Before he was Captain of the 141, he actually got written up by a superior, not for wearing polish, but for wearing a nail-polish colour that wasn't a colour that's in regulation.

Loves water. Yes in the staying hydrated sense, but mainly in the swimming sense. He grew up with a creek behind his house and he spent every spare moment he could splashing around in it. To this day his favourite place is the beach, or anywhere with a body of water. A swimming pool is a poor replacement in his opinion, but he'll take what he can get.

Constantly loses track of time in the shower, his personal water bill is consistently exorbitant. When he doesn't have time to spare he sets a timer, when it beeps at 5 minutes it reminds him he needs to actually start washing up, and when it goes off at 10 minutes he forces himself to get out. When he has the time he sets the timer for 30 minutes.

Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed!

If you have any thoughts on the headcanons or ideas you'd like me expand on or things you wanna squeal about or prompts you want me to write PLEASE hit me up! My ask box is open 24/7 and I'd love to hear from you!

PekoeHoneynCream's Masterlist

[deathbecomesthem]

Pick up, Brother | 1.2K

Al Munson POV - a couple of days following the Hawkins "earthquake".

Warning: Grief, canon compliant.

For the third time in as many days, there’s been a message waiting for him at the front desk from his little brother. He doesn’t know how he tracked him down this time around, and he doesn’t really care. He knows it’s probably something to do with Junior if he’s trying this hard to get a hold of him. They both made it perfectly clear the last time he came around that they didn’t want him there, so what exactly is the fucking problem now?

Al snatches the paper out of the hand of the kid behind the counter and heads up to his room. This particular motel isn’t the best, but it’s definitely not the worst. At least here you’ll find more than just Johns and lot lizards renting out the neighboring rooms by the half hour. He even saw a pretty normal looking couple with a toddler last week. The novelty of that normalcy wore off when he heard the kid screaming at 6 in the morning the following day, but at least he didn’t have to worry as much about the cops raiding the place.

$50 a week, cash. A roof over his head and hot water in the shower. It’s better accommodations than county lockup, which is where he most recently came from. That dumbass Holt and his shit ass car. If he’d known about the cracked radiator before the job, he would’ve at least patched it up for him. That’s what he gets for teaming up with that inbred dipshit. Should’ve been a red flag when he said he didn’t make it past the fifth grade. At least all the Munson made it through middle school.

Al can hear the sound of a woman yelling at the end of the hall. A lovers quarrel, perhaps? A smile curls on his lips at the thought of her, whoever she is, giving some guy what for. What he wouldn’t give to have a lady shouting at him again, it’s been too long. Maybe tonight he’ll head down to the bar across the street and see if he can ease her pain. Ease his own pain. Fill that void of loneliness for a minute. That’s what it’s all about, right?

Al wiggles the key in the door to his room, it sticks like a motherfucker every time. Every time he leaves he thinks he ought to just leave it unlocked. There’s nothing worth taking inside, unless someone wants a mud caked pair of boots that are worn too thin to keep the moisture out. Maybe they want his sweat stained Fruit of the Looms, or his duffel bag with the busted handle. 

Al uses his shoulder to give the stubborn lock the extra oomph needed for the door to swing open - and he’s greeted by the view of his own personal castle. Rust shag carpet and tobacco smoke stained curtains. The comforter on his bed, dark maroon and scratchy as hell, is still in disarray from last night’s sleep. Housekeeping exists at this motel, but they haven’t touched his room in at least 4 days. Or, if they have, they’ve left no trace of their presence. He crumples up the paper he was given with the words, “Wayne Munson called at 5:15” and tosses it into the overflowing wastebasket next to the nightstand. 

“Wayne Munson can go fuck himself, and so can Junior for all I care,” Al says under his breath as he kicks off his sneakers. His gray socks, formerly white, are stretched so thin the big toe on his right foot is lost in the carpet under his feet. He sighs and reaches into the mini fridge for a tall boy. At least he’s made enough scratch working as a dishwasher at the diner down the road to keep beer. Just don’t tell his parole officer.

The thought of Wayne’s persistent phone calls have all but left his mind as he flops down on the bed and clicks on the television. It’s Wheel of Fortune time. He ordered a pie from Vinny’s on his way home from work, should be at his door in the next 20 minutes or so. He’s going to spend time with Vanna for now. He’ll smoke a couple of butts and drink a couple of tall boys, and watch the prettiest lady in primetime tv smile just for him.

The phone on the nightstand next to him begins to ring. The shrill sound drowns out the clicking of the wheel as Tommy from Spokane makes his first attempt at big bucks. Bankrupt. Al smiles to himself. He likes it when they lose more than when they win. He pretends he can’t hear the phone and reaches for the PBR can next to the phone’s receiver for a drink. 

Except this time, it doesn’t ring twice and stop. That phone keeps ringing, and ringing. He can’t hear what Pat just said to Vanna. Whatever it was, it made her giggle in a girlish way that reminded him of his Bets. And then it rings again. He knocks back the remainder of his beer before flinging the can over the end of his bed and grabbing the phone. 

“Yeah,” Al grumbles into the hard plastic mouthpiece, “whatcha want?”

“Al, it’s Wayne,” the voice says, echoing down the phone line across the state line, “we gotta talk.”

“Little brother, to what do I owe this pleasure? Last time we talked I got the feeling you didn’t want to know me anymore?” Al can’t hide his contempt. What’s the point? He’s too tired and he doesn’t need this bullshit from Wayne of all people.

“Al, I’m really sorry to do this to you,” Wayne’s voice is steady. He’s not meeting Al’s anger. To Al’s ears, Wayne really does sound sorry. Munsons don’t say sorry. “Listen. Something real bad’s been going on in Hawkins. Real bad. Eddie’s missing, Al. I think…” Wayne stops and audibly gulps before continuing, “No, I know he’s dead, brother.”

Al coughs a laugh out along with the smoke from his last drag of cigarette. He doesn’t think what Wayne said is funny, not at all. That’s not fucking funny.

“Fuck you, Wayne. My boy ain’t dead. I’d know that,” Al’s voice is loud enough that the lady at the end of the hallway can hear him clear as day. As soon as Al says those words, he knows Wayne’s not lying, though.

“Al, hear me right now,” Wayne’s tear soaked plea is almost too much for Al to bear, but the grip of his hand on the plastic receiver does not loosen. It’s pressed hard against the shell of his ear, “you know how it can be here in Hawkins. Something got him, Al, and I know it’s true. I’m sorry.”

Al is left standing next to his bed, toes deep in the dusty shag carpet with the phone still pressed up to his ear when he hears the click of Wayne’s phone disconnecting. The sound of cheers on the television drew his attention, someone won a jackpot and his girl is clapping for them. Her wide smile radiates through the screen, and it feels like mocking. There’s a knock at the door of his room, and he remembers Vinny’s. He wonders who will answer the door, because he can’t move. He thinks he might never move again, he will stay frozen in this place with Vanna White and her mocking smile clapping at the death of his boy for the rest of eternity.

[luxury-nightmare]

inspired by nerdymixedpan on tiktok

Ranking Magnus fears by How likely I am to serve them/how freaked out I am by them (including the Extinction because I will never forget about my underrated king)

1, The Eye

How freaked out am I by it? 3/10. My sister will come barging into my room uninvited anyway so the fear of being watched doesn’t really freak me out.

How likely am I to serve it?

7/10. I listened to 200 episodes of gay people suffering. What do you think

2, The Lonely

5/10 the person who I took this idea from said it best. This is schrodinger's fear. Cause on one hand, I like being alone. I spend most of my time huddled up in my room. But on the other hand, the enjoyment mostly comes from being awful at social situations and accidentally hurting peoples feelings when I talk to them

8/10 I said it already. I already isolate myself give me the banish powers. Gentle voiced old man I’m coming for your crown.

3, The Spiral

5/10 not exactly. Honestly the thought of me being crazy is probably not my greatest fear, it’s more the system for mentally ill people. I once let a couple things slip and was taken to a mental hospital, and the only thing I could think is “is there something wrong with me?” which, in my humble opinion, is not something someone struggling with mental illness should be thinking in a place that’s supposed to help them

5/10 would I be a good spiral avatar? No. Would I leap at the chance? Absolutely. I wanna see door wife and fuckhands mcmike

4, The Stranger

6/10 I do not fuck with uncanny valley shit. 4/10 I am a theater kid, so this could be right up my alley, but all the avatars are glorified theater kids so I think I’ll pass

5, The Desolation

2/10 I was scared of fire as a kid, but that’s the extent of my fear towards it.

4/10 Fire is pretty, I like setting things on fire, and Agnes is hot (pun intended) but that’s pretty much it

6, The Corruption

5/10 sickness and illness freak me out, but I’m chill with bugs. 2/10 no

7, The Vast

6/10 I went through a huge nihilism phase in middle school so that would factor into it. Honestly having an astronomy class is not going to help with this. But lately it’s less “nothing matters” and more “nothing matters so you can fuck up as much as you need��

8/10 enjoy sky blue motherfuckers!

8, The Buried

6/10 honestly this is a new one. I like to be in small spaces, but I cannot handle caves. I think I can blame Pastra’s Ted the caver video and the lost johns cave episode for this. But also, if we think about The Buried as The Vast opposite and pulled from its more metaphorical aspects (I know the show doesn’t do this very often but bear with me) the fear that everyone depends on you and if you fuck up even slightly everyone will hate you forever? Yeah that’s me

4/10 has we ever met a buried avatar? I have no point of reference. Four out of ten

9, The Web

4/10 this is a tricky one. I’m chill with spiders but the manipulation part for me comes not from the fear that I’m being manipulated, more the fear that I’m being manipulative. That I’m tricking people into caring about me and doing what I want when I really just need to tough it out (would this feed into The Spiral? Not really, right?)

7/10 Spiders, killer aesthetic, breaking the fourth wall. Let me in.

10, The Flesh

9/10 no. No no. No no. No gross. Gross gross gross. Have you seen the episode where the guy hammers all the meat to his apartment and it’s starts to rot through the ceiling? Gross get it away from me.

0/10 no Jared I am not joining your cottagecore lesbian garden leave me alone

11, The Hunt

2/10 I feel like this one should freak me out more than it does. I live in the mountains, surrounded by wild animals, and I have terrible stamina. But honestly? It’s like Jon said. It’s natural. If I don’t bother them they don’t bother me.

3/10 I have terrible stamina. I would make a terrible hunt avatar

12, The Slaughter

5/10 I have strong feelings about war. But there less fear and more disgust, anger, and sadness.

2/10 although it would be nice to go apeshit once and a while, this is a hard no.

13, The Dark

1/10 dude I vibe with the dark. It doesn’t freak me out at all.

9/10 I am practically nocturnal. My sona is the embodiment of darkness incarnate. Hard yes. Give me the shadow powers

14, The End

6/10 honestly this feat comes from less from death itself and more what comes after, and my family’s reaction. The idea of nonexistence is terrifying and maybe there’s something worse. I watched a Scp video, I forgot the specific number, but it was an idea of what happens after death. Essentially, you stay conscious, but you cannot move, trapped in your own body feeling every slow pain of rot or cremation as your atoms split apart over millennium. So yeah, death itself is fine but everything after is scary

8/10 I’ve always had a fascination with death, not actual people dying, but the pomp and glamour we give death. Graveyards and funerals and death gods and all that jazz. Gothic stuff. Also The End is technically the only fear that can win in the long run. The End will come for us all.

15, The Extinction

7/10 Watch the news and you’ll understand what i mean. I was like 5 when I first learned about climate change and I promptly put that in a box in the back of my brain and tried to forget it ever existed.

10/10 dude this isn’t even about the killer aesthetic, this is just cause it’s criminally underrated. Extinction my fear I will be your avatar since no one else will be. Also dude it would be so easy, just send some random people inflammatory news articles, push some people into a hell dimension, and you’re done! Also if any of the other fears complete a ritual, that’s a whole ass free buffet!

TL:DR: Extinction is underrated and Hello jon. apologies for the deception, but i wanted to make sure you started reading, so i thought it best not to announce myself. I'm assuming youre alone; you always did prefer to read your statements in private. I wouldnt try to stop reading; there's every likelihood you'll just hurt your self. So just listen. Now, shall we turn the page and try again?

[bisexualfemalemess]

BRIDGERTON SEASON 3 PT 2 SPOILERS

Live reaction episode 5:

I’m a little disappointed that we didn’t get to see Penelope’s answer to colin’s proposal but in my head she just straight up faceplanted outta that carriage. On another note, colin constantly looking back at her to check on her is peak protective husband. Colin ‘my wife’ bridgerton indeed. Also Penelope’s so loved by his family and not him being willing to fight Eloise, his own sister, like hold your horses buddy. El baby she’s loved him since you guys were children. Both are honestly valid and i love them both so much, i just need my peneloise besties back right now. Like so expeditiously. Awww, colin checking up on pen. He’s truly already so far gone. I’M SORRY THE TREE???? What the actual fuck???? Lady tilley arnold needs to get the fuck off my screen. I’ve never read the books but booktok and twitter made me love sophie already, i need her. Not pen listening to her family reading LW Lmaoo she seems so smug about it. EY LADY DANBURY HAPPY ABOUT POLIN THEY’RE SO LOVED BY EVERYONE. KANTHONY MY BABIES. MY PARENTS ARE GONNA BE ACTUAL PARENTS STFU. Anthony’s so feral for her 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 aww hyacinth is so excited to tell them about polin’s new engagement my daughter fr. HYACINTH OMG IJBOL NOT HER SAYING GREGORY’S THE FAMILY PET I’MMA DIE. Eloise baby she did not use you, she loves you and you love her so make up bitches. Cressida is so gay for eloise no one can tell me otherwise. OH MY GOD NOT THE BOOK LINE ABOUT HIS LOVE BEING A THUNDERBOLT FROM THE SKY SOMEONE SEDATE ME (might need to make a part two and i’m only 10 minutes in) they’re not even married yet and Benedicts like “your wives” she’s always been a bridgerton for real. PORTIA I AM INDIFFERENT TOWARDS YOU BUT BACK OFF FROM MY GIRLY AND DON’T MAKE HER DOUBT HER RELATIONSHIP. COLINS SO HOT TELLING PORTIA OFF SOMEONE GET ME SOME HOLY WATER OR SOMETHING JESUS FUCKING CHRIST. HE’S BEEN WITH HER FOR LESS THAN 24 HOURS AND HE’S ALREADY THROWING AROUND THE L-WORD OH HE FELL SO HARD FOR HER IMMA THROW MYSELF IN FRONT OF A MOVING TRUCK. MIRROR SCENE OH MY GOD OH MY GOD ALRIGHT ITS HAPPENING ITS HAPPENING OH HIS SPEECH IMMA KILL MYSELF IM SO SERIOUS. THIS IS PERFECT OH MY GOD, NICOLA COUGHLAN IS A GODESS AND THEIR CHEMISTRY IS SO PALPABLE. “LIE DOWN” THAT WAS SO FUCKING HOT, COLIN BRIDGERTON CAN COMMAND ME AROUND ANY DAY. Sex scene, sex scene, sex scene….TO POV???? Oh, that’s such a beautiful song choice. This is literally so intimate, i feel like I’m intruding. Colin bridgerton is a canon consent man and as a woman i think that’s so sexy. That was the cutest sex scene of my life, cute, hot, awkward, everything a first time is supposed to be (i wouldn’t know🙊) KANTHONY SCENE. HES THE CUTEST ALL KISSING HER STOMACH. Newton and Anthony always beefing. Their so cute 😫😫😫. Awww John and Francesca are so cute as well. Awwww him asking about marriage 😖😖😖. VISCOUNTESS KATE IN ACTION MY BABY GIRL. She’s working overtime being pregnant, viscountess and giving eloise advice. She clocked peneloise’s tea. AWW Post-sex polin is the cutest with the book line too 🥹🥹🥹🥹 and the teasing!!! They’re truly so friends to lovers. NOT HER GETTING INTERRUPTED WHEN SHE WANTS TO TELL HIM SHE’S WHISTLEDOWN. FUCK ASS SERVANTS. Oh poor pen having to listen to her fiancé trash-talk her without knowing he’s taking about her, like i wouldn’t tell him i’m Whistledown either after this, bet. Also they literally have no sense of personal space and it’s too cute. Aww a colin and eloise talk. THEY WERE INSEPARABLE AND THEY NEED TO BE AGAIN SOON OR IMMA DO SOMETHING SO DRASTIC I SWEAR TO GOD. Peneloise as bestie sister-in-law’s is something that i need so bad it’s like not even funny anymore. Penelope’s sister need to leave her the fuck alone and portia needs to leave her ulterior motives at the door even penelope was like what the hell is going on. I don’t really mind will and alice plot honestly they’re just a cute married couple, much like polin will be. OH MY GOD NOT BENEDICT CALLING KATE SISTER IM DYING IM DECEASED. THAT FUCK ASS TOP HAH OH MY LORD. NOT COLIN CALLING PENELOPE HIS BRIDE TO BE 🫠

[for-ships-that-never-sail]

Okay Y'ALL I saw Episode 5 today and these are the thoughts I jotted down while watching it (PART 1 OF 2)

Please don’t read below the cut if you are avoiding spoilers until you get to watch it yourself 

And FYI some of these may not have any context, but I guess it won’t matter cause you’ll have context in 7ish hours anyway (also sorry about how long all my thoughts and feelings are lol)

We’ve all seen the first 4 mins so that’s that - nothing extra special to add there other than that Colin’s soft voice for Pen feels like it makes my heart grow bigger every time I see it

Um what the absolute fuck was that opening title??? Have they deviated and changed that this much before?? Have I never noticed other than with the very small changes they do with adding the correct Bridgerton’s name etc?

Anthony wanting to do that one Monica scream is adorbs

LOLLLLL I love you sweet Greggy

LMAO Cressida with them BARBS

Awh Cressida I do feel for you my girl

OMFGGGGG Colin’s chat with the boys??? THIS IS MUSIC TO MY EARS!!!! SOMEONE STAB ME IN THE HEART AAAAH

And Anthony with that quick wisdom? Is it rude of me to not really have expected it from him even though I know this kind of good sense is in him? I do love you Ant! Sorry that I still think of you as SLOW to good sense because of last season lol

Also that cute and private GOSSIPY moment? LOVEEE

OH PORTIA FOR FUCKS SAKEEEEE WITH “THOSE EXACT WORDS” why are you stressing her out but also why are you STRESSING ME OUT?

BAHAHAHAHAHHSSHHAHAHASHA THAT IMMEDIATE 360 please stopppppp I have whiplash - this show has never presented something I personally see as a legitimate concern (from the character's perspective) and then proceed to resolve that issue soooo fucking fast, like that took two seconds PLEASE I’m dying, I can’t believe I thought I’d be stressed about that comment for a considerable amount of the episode? and then BAM 😂 Excellent job Colin!

For the love of god no one wants to chaperone them???? They’re just gonna go???? No one is gonna stop them? Like is she the John Cena of the Bridgerton universe?? Everyone is just like, oh look, Colin walking down the street speaking to himself, oh look he’s in a carriage, also just speaking to himself - like H'WHAT?

Having that said, yes of course get her alone and fuck her by all means if that’s what you wanna do, don’t let my hang ups about propriety and the rules of the ton stop you my boy

Omg pen my baby was so moved 🥹 She somehow hadn’t processed that whole thing even during the carriage ride? Because unless they teleported, she was just like reeling in silence until this point, just like, looking for the words???

Oh my god OH MY GOD OH MY GOD there you go Portia my mans was as clear as he could be about the exact words both indirectly and directly thank you very much

Omg STAHPPPP I can’t Col you should totally write her love letters saying this type of stuff every day - it’s what she deserves 🥹

Omg they’re so cute???!!!

Consent king!! This is so INTIMATE and CUTE!!! 🥹

Have I never seen tits bigger than like a 32B on Netflix before? Cute lil perky tits never really get registered as out there nudity I guess? Like I knowwww we saw tits the last two seasons, and I guess at the brothels this season too, which I nearly forgot, but like even 0.6 seconds of Pens tits rn feels like I’m on HBO and not Netflix? LOLLL

NO ONE HAS EVER REMOVED A BELT BETTER THAN LUKE NEWTON HAS

FUCK he’s so hot??? I’m probably equally attracted to both actors irl tbh but in the showverse Pen is just my girly and Colin was just my sweet boi too right up until he started undressing rn? Now pen is still my girly but Colin can fucking get ittttt LOLLL

Also we’ve seen him undressed before??? I don’t know what’s going on but he did the 0.0003 second belt thing and I audibly gasped and my brain suddenly went blank and now I’m just drooling over Colin and how hot he is fml

Luke Newton should probably just go around taking his shirts and belts off all the time tbh

Just in real life, stay undressing king, you’re such a treat 😍

Awh he’s got the cutest lil butt, but like…. I can’t look? I’m feeling an odd amount of… second hand embarrassment about his butt? I don’t know if that makes any sense but somehow it feels wrong to be looking at your butt Colin I’m sorry this is just like Pen’s property now you know? I shouldn’t seeeee this lol

Kinda wish they edited out that tiny bit where he moved the sheet? I assume that was for the sake of the actors/show because they can’t actually be like fully naked out here, but that tiny bit could’ve been easily edited a different way - only because I don’t want it to register like he’s covering her up? He’s not, he 100% would NEVER, but like logistically I get it, just wish the editor saw it the way I see it and took that bit out

oop JUMP SCARE Lmfaooooo my mans thought it would end before it even began 😂😂😂

Awh he’s so sweet with her - Touch me anywhere? Please they are really taking on such great parts from the books

Though on a side note I wish that this mirror idea was broken into 2 parts too? like part 1 he just says the lines from the books about wanting to grab her tits and fuck in front of a mirror but they don’t because he wants that gentle missionary first time, and then part 2 after the LW drama he actually passionately fucks her in front of the mirror, horizontally sure, but like from behind while facing the mirror? That's such an easy way to cover her up too - one arm coming from under her, wrapped around her bust to cover her there, and other arm coming over her and snaking down her belly so we know there is finger action but Nic would still be tastefully covered - this allows them to just stare at each other through the mirror the entire time which could have been sooooo hot? And I wouldn't have to suspend disbelief when it comes to her tits not touching any part of him through this whole thing lol - It’s aight though, this is what AO3 is for and I’m by no means disappointed with anything that’s happening rn

Still, circling back, is it like an actor/show rule to just show tits and not do anything else with them? Because I knowwww Colin isn’t gonna just fuck her without sucking on them titties that whole entire time, like please BE REAL for just ONE second, cause there’s absolutely nooooo way his hands and mouth wouldn’t be directly on those tits - but yeah, if it’s an actor/show thing to not do it because it might be too porny/uncomfy, I get it - I’m just looking for that realism because come onnnn there’s literally NO WAY his mouth wouldn’t be all over that LOL

Like even with their vertically challenging situation, I know my mans would fold his neck his back his spine his evvvverryyything to get his face on her tits LOLLLL

Also, sir? Everyone enjoyed your fingers but when are you going to eat my girl out? Please she deserves to see God???!!!!!

Never underestimate the power of grabbing your own dick to get it in either, it's just so fucking hot and I don’t make these rules

I personally think the carriage scene was A LOTTT spicier than this though

Sorry guys, don’t be upset or anything - I just think THAT was PASSION and THIS is LOVE

Slow and settled love - best friend love - honestly it’s how I see couples being intimate once their honeymoon phase is long over - just like, chit chatting while gentle fucking - super comfortable with each other and just not awkward at all - contently smiling and giggling afterwards, like that was all just totally normal everyday behaviour between them

It’s like they’re having a casual bestie moment, just the same as walking around in a market or gossiping in a ballroom

When you really think on it though, it’s so cool that a first time can be this way because you’ve just been best friends your whole life

Anyway, no furniture break I’m afraid

[evrensadwrn]

5 DILFS of the John Wick franchise who aren’t John Wick: very put together list by me and I’m definitely not writing this after getting up from like an hour nap

5.) Kirill - he may not be a father but Daniel Bernhardt is so he counts. I love how constantly stressed he looks in every scene and at this point we might aswell consider Iosef as his kid from how many grey hairs he has because of him💀 anyways, dilf bodyguard. Pros: strong, hot, actually a quick-thinker, cool. Cons: pushed a woman, will continue to push women.

4.) Viggo - what else do you want. Mob boss, actually does have a kid, probably the most coolest mafia boss I’ve ever seen. He’s the funniest guy ever and also I will romanticize his actions from hell to back. He’s also a shit father but let’s not talk about that🥰 (He literally put his son in danger) (He punched said son two times) (He ALSO grieved his son BEFORE he died). Pros: generally powerful socially, has networks and influence across New York, the only villain who knew John’s power. Cons: shit father, punches his own kid, still stupid enough to fight John in the rain without a weapon but at least he looked cool doing so.

3.) Harbinger - im sorry I find Clancy Brown hot that’s all there is to this. He’s enigmatic, he serves as a (kind of) father figure to Marquis if you really think about it. He’s also dressed in black always, and also he has a sick ass scar. John Wick Chapter 4 screenplay calls him a “behemoth of a man”. Michael Finch and Shay Hatten’s words not mine. Pros: actually chill, wiseful and mindful👍, the most respectful High Table emissary. Cons: high table emissary.

2.) Koji - Hirouyuki Sanada with a sword. He’s also a father of a very mean daughter which is funny cause he’s actually really chill (what is it with mean kids and their chill dads in this movie series??) anyways. He owns a cool ass hotel, he’s hot, I don’t think he has a wife (or a husband.) Pros: he’s super respectful and gracious!!! Also, really puts relationships above all things. Cons: he gets betrayed.

1.) Caine - now we have mean dad and chill daughter. Well, we don’t know exactly if Mia is chill yet but she kinda looks chill so. Anyways, Caine!! Ngl the cuntiest person in JW4 I don’t care if John Wick is there or Akira or Vincent, Caine is by far the coolest fucking guy in that movie and I will die on this hill. Pros: will fight for his family, funny, won’t kill certain types people. Cons: pissed off a friend’s daughter😨