So I come with prompts! 🤭 I have 2 dialogue prompts, one is angsty (🥲) and the other fluffy! Your choice! 🤗
1. I hate how much I love you.
2. I love you more than I did yesterday.
Ok, so as expected, I got wordy. Lol. More like a one-shot than a drabble, but hey, I did it! LMK if I should post this to AO3, and Hope you all enjoy! Thank you so so much Moondancer for coming so swiftly with great prompts!
***TRIGGER WARNING: Mentions of SA and addiction/drug abuse***
Prompt: I hate how much I love you
Dany entered the same room she comes to every Wednesday. The familiar musty scent reminded her of her Great Uncle Aemon’s house with his old books littering every surface and lining every wall. Stale coffee swirled around her in the hands of every person there.
She smiled as Jorah came to hug her and asked her how she has been. She laughed and replied the same as she does each week. “I could complain but I shouldn’t.” It became awkward like it always does but she is saved when Missandei reaches her side, handing her own warm cup of coffee.
Her friend is much taller than her, her own silver tresses barely reaching Missy’s caramel-skinned chin. They walk over to their usual seats at the same table she sits at with a group of women for the year she has been attending the weekly meetings. The first time she sat in the back, blending into the background, silent and sullen.
She couldn’t stand the bright smiles and hopeful looks in the eyes of everyone around her. The truth was she hadn’t felt anything resembling happiness in so long that the concept felt foreign and out of reach entirely. She didn’t think her face muscles even remembered the motion.
When the speaker had asked if it was anyone’s first time, she didn’t know what possessed her to raise her hand. She was so lost and tired and desperate to feel anything but numb, it made her braver than she felt. A chorus of ‘welcome’s greeted her as she introduced herself.
Missandei was the first to come to find her after the meeting, with her shining amber eyes and bouncy curls. She handed her a book of other meetings in the area with her phone number written in the back. Every woman at her table had added their number as well.
They crowded around her and invited her to the ‘meeting after the meeting’, a small diner down the street that many frequented afterward. They guzzled coffee, smoked like a freight train, and ate sweets as if tomorrow would never come, but it was still healthier than their previous vices. They were all so inviting and had a light that burned in their eyes, one Dany had lost years ago.
She would give anything to get the fire that used to blaze within her back. Maybe by proxy her own would be lit from theirs or if she emulated whatever they did, she could have what they did. It was worth a shot, and she had nothing left to lose.
Margaery gave Dany a side hug as she took her seat next to her. She asked how work was going and Dany lit up with excitement. A year ago she never would have seen herself working as a dental assistant, but since she began coming here and getting her life back on track she had made many life changes.
At exactly seven Missandei stood from their table and took her place behind the podium. She had volunteered to run the meeting for the month, which included choosing the speakers. Dany watched her slender friend open the large binder and flip on the microphone.
“Hello everyone. My name is Missy and I am an alcoholic.”
“Hi Missy,” the room replied in unison.
The door opened from the back of the room, whining in protest as it did each time. It wasn’t uncommon for people to come late, especially newcomers anxious with facing the unknown and happy, sober people. This time however, Dany felt a familiar pull, her violet eyes going directly to those of the tardy person.
She should have been shocked to see two grey obsidian pools staring back at her. But they somehow always found each other, like two magnets, the attraction forcing them together no matter how they resisted. Jon’s mouth gaped as he stopped dead in his tracks, the rest of the room melting away until there was only them.
The last time they had seen each other was when her world fell apart. They had met two years before at a bar. She had gotten off work at the restaurant across the street and went with some friends to have some fun.
Dany started drinking in college, as most students she knew did. Binge-drinking on weekends at frat houses or some random house party. That was where she met Drogo and her life turned upside down.
He was from old money, like she was. Their fathers were ecstatic when they began dating. Dany had experimented with marijuana and mushrooms before meeting him but his preferred poison was cocaine.
Drogo enjoyed being able to drink more and party longer. Their relationship turned abusive quickly, but her father pressured her into staying. When she came home with a black eye and cried to her mother he had sexually assaulted her, her father only wanted to cover it up and use it to his own advantage.
That was when Dany started to go off the rails, anything to numb the pain. She popped pills and drank, fucked whoever she wanted because at least it would be her choice. They would take it whether she wanted it or not, she thought.
When she dropped out of college, her attendance and grades already suffering, her parents disowned her and cut her off. She moved in with Daario and began working at the restaurant. Her and Daario weren’t serious and he knew it.
They both would bring other people home some nights, neither caring much. Their arrangement suited them both, no one had to get hurt. When she met Jon it all changed though.
She was no longer satisfied with the life she had and wanted more. She wanted a home and a family, she wanted him. One night together and they were instantly inseparable.
As it turned out, he had a secret too. He was in the military and received an honorable discharge when he was nearly killed in combat. After months of being given morphine and pain pills, he was hooked.
When they abruptly cut him off and the pain became to much to bare, he began obtaining them from a childhood friend he knew that sold them, Theon. By the time he met Dany, Jon had already began using a cheaper option than prescription pills, Herion.
Dany left the bar with Jon and spent the night at his apartment, fucking each other until the sun came up. She only went back to Daario’s to collect her things a few days later and move them to Jon’s. It only took a few days for her to realize he was hiding something.
He would look antsy and run to the bathroom and come out a few minutes later happy and relaxed. She decided to leave it alone but the third day, he thought she was asleep and she heard him snort a line beside her. Dany assumed it was coke, she had done enough of that herself and it was a similar color, so she asked for one too.
Jon looked taken aback and asked if she were sure. Dany just rolled her eyes and said, of course, it wasn’t her first time. He nodded and reluctantly handed the mirror over with the rolled up dollar bill.
The second she inhaled it and the taste hit her nose, she realized her mistake. This was not coke. A few minutes later a warmth unlike anything she had ever felt rush through her entire body from head to toe.
All the pain, all the anxiety and fear of years of abuse and trauma all melted away in an instant. That was until nausea hit and she ran to the bathroom to puke. But from that moment on, she found a new love of her life and there was nothing she wouldn’t do to feel that again.
It was fun at first. Her and Jon felt free and were so in love. They went to festivals, and parties, and even work and accomplishing things was easier.
Until the first time she felt sick from the withdrawals. The panic she felt in that moment brought all her pain and trauma back tenfold. A panic attack ensued until the moment Jon arrived with his fresh score. And on and on it went.
One day Theon showed them how to get higher from less by injecting it. They lost their jobs, either too dopesick or too high to function. They began to steal from family and friends, from stores to survive.
Then Jon and her were in the bathroom, about to shoot up. He pushed the plunger down and a moment later he said, “Whoa. I think I did too much.”
The next thing she knew he collapsed on top of her as she tried to catch him. She had seen people put them in the shower and turn it on to wake them up and dragged him into the tub to do the same. It did rouse him, but not enough.
She called 911. Even with three shots of narcan he could barely keep his eyes open and stay breathing, his lips turning blue and the monitors beeping every time his oxygen levels dropped. He would wake and gasp for air again.
That was her turning point. She loved Jon. He was sweet and caring, funny and full of life when they first met. No one had treated her as well nor had they made her feel as he did.
But she couldn’t sit there and watch him kill himself. She couldn’t watch him die. When he was released, she informed him she would be entering rehab and she thought he should join her.
They could get sober together and build a real life, a real home. He wasn’t there yet though. The first thing he did when they entered their apartment was find the drugs she had stashed before the ambulance came.
She slept by his side and held on to those last moments with him, despite him being high and her starting to feel sick. She knew when tomorrow came she would say goodbye and it may be forever. As he lay there passed out, she kissed his forehead and whispered, “I hate how much I love you. I wish I could save you, but I can barely save myself.”
She left a Dear Jon letter for him, in case he forgot their earlier conversation and so he would know she would always love him. She hoped he would get clean and one day come back to him, but she had to be realistic, she had to be selfish and put herself first. With tears in her eyes, she grabbed her bag of belongings and hopped the bus to rehab to start this new life.
And now he was here, at an AA meeting. Was he sober or trying to get sober? Of course it would be this meeting he showed up to.
“Today I have chosen a very special woman to tell her story of hope and inspiration,” she heard Missy say, breaking her from her thoughts as she whipped her head back around and willed herself to be present.
“A year ago she walked through those doors, just skin and bone, so small and scared. And now she is ready to conquer all of Westeros like Aegon come again. I am so proud to have gotten to watch her journey, to witness the change happen within her. I am honored to have seen her bring fire and blood to every situation she faced and become the dragon queen she was born to be. Please, everyone, help me welcome, Dany.”
The room erupted in applause, Jorah giving a rambunctious whistle and Marge cheering her name. Dany stood and walked up to the podium, her hands shaking as she reached up to pull the mic down. Feedback pierced the room, people groaning and flinching in response.
“Sorry. Guess I am a little nervous,” Dany chuckled.
‘Aw’s broke out around her. As she looked at the crowd, their faces filled with love and acceptance, she took a deep breath and mustered all her courage. She carefully avoided the area she could feel Jon’s gaze burning her from.
“Thank you, Missy, for asking me to speak.”
***
Dany stood next to the podium, receiving hugs from her friends and thank yous for speaking. She kept sneaking glances at Jon between people. He stayed in the back just as she had her first time. An old timer named Davos was handing Jon the meetings schedule.
She smiled knowing Davos would be a good sponsor for Jon if he was serious about getting sober. The man had been sober for fifteen years, a retired sailor whose wife was a saint to stay with him through it all. As Marge congratulated her, her face fell as she watched Jon walk out the door.
There was still a few people who wanted to talk to her or get their court ordered slips signed and she had to stay to do that, though everything in her wanted to run after him. She plastered on a smile and continued as best she could. The last person in line was a shy young girl named Lyanna who had asked for her number and told her she was new and related well to her story.
Dany thanked her and wrote her number down and told her to call her any time, no matter the hour, and she would answer. That was the best way to stay sober, helping others to do as well. It gave them accountability to someone, reminded them of how far they had come, and gave them a sense of purpose to give back to the program that had saved them.
She hoped she didn’t feel like she was rushing her or dismissing her, and prayed the girl would call, as she grabbed her purse and bolted for the door. Right as she reached it Jorah stepped in front of her and called her name.
“Hey Jorah. I am kind of in a hurry.”
His face fell but he recovered quickly and smiled. “Oh? You aren’t going to Hot Pie’s tonight?”
“Um, I will probably be there. I just gotta do something real quick first.”
His excitement was palpable at the prospect of seeing her later and she had to hold back her eye roll. She tried to be nice but his behavior bordered on creepy. The man was old enough to be her father and he looked at her longingly and acted way too familiar with her sometimes.
He leaned in and she tried not to balk. “I just wanted to thank you for talking to my cousin, Lyanna. She could use a mentor like you, a woman she can look up to in the program.”
“Oh,” Dany said, glancing back at the young lady. She smiled when she turned back around. “Well, ya know, it’s my pleasure. Gotta give it away to keep it and all that stuff. I hope she calls.” She said patting his shoulder hoping to show her sincerity.
“Anyway, I have to run. I’ll see ya at Hot Pie’s. Bring Lyanna and she can sit with Missy, Marge and I,” she told him as she stepped by him and started out the door to climb the steps leading out of the church basement.
When she opened the door to the street an stepped outside, she looked at all the people outside smoking and talking, hoping to find Jon. As she searched, she felt her heart begin to ache as it turned fruitless. A heavy sigh left her lips, the sting of him leaving without even saying hello bringing tears to her eyes.
She rummaged through her purse to find her smokes, taking one out of the pack and holding it between her lips as she dug for the ever elusive lighter. She cursed as she continued to find nothing despite knowing she had at least three currently in her purse.
The unmistakeable flick of a lighter sounded next to her, as someone brought the flame to the tip of her unlit cigarette still hanging from her mouth.
“I got you.”
The smoke dropped from her lips to the concrete below as the recognition of the voice hit her and she spun around to face him.
“Jon!”
He smirked that devilish grin she loved so much and she melted. “It’s good to see you too, sweetheart,” he said, as he bent down to pick up her forgotten cig.
As he stood she jumped into his arms. “Oof,” she heard him say at her overeager ambush, but his arms quickly wrapped around her and held her tightly. She felt him inhale deeply and then his hot breath on her neck as he let it go.
“You look good,” she whispered. It was the true. He had put on a little weight, and the dark circles under his eyes had all but disappeared.
“Thanks. So do you. You really did it. You got sober and got your shit together like you said. I’m proud of you,” he said with a glassy smile as they pulled away from each other.
“How about you? How are you doing?” she asked, needing to know how much she needed to guard herself when it came to him. It would be too easy to slip back into him, like breathing.
“Good. I just got out of treatment a couple months ago. I hadn’t been going to meetings and just white knuckled it and worked myself to death, but I was home for the holiday last week and I was so close to drinking. I couldn’t do it anymore. I knew then I had to do something more to stay sober or go back to drinking and drugging, so I found a meeting up there and then kept going back.”
“Yeah, I know how those Stark holidays can get,” Dany joked, remembering the few she had attended with him. His family liked to indulge in alcohol for every occassion and she had her suspicions on whether Catelyn was a functional alcoholic or not, though it wasn’t her place to make that judgement.
He ran his hand through his black raven curls, the ones she used to love to pull and caress as they made love. Fuck, focus, Dany.
“Aye. With everyone drunk and obnoxious around me, it was like a ticking time bomb. Anyway, I just got back into town a few days ago and got the courage to check out a meeting here,” Jon explained.
“And of all the meetings in this city you walked into this one,” she smiled at him.
“Maybe the Old Gods finally heard my prayers.”
“Yeah? What did you pray for?”
“You, always you, Dany,” he said, his face serious and sincere and full of so much emotion and words left unsaid.
“Jon…,” she whispered. She prayed for him too, but the definition of insanity was doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. “You haven’t been out of treatment for very long.”
He cleared his throat, and took a step back, as if he suddenly realized how close they had moved to one another. “I know, you’re right. I should go.”
“Jon, wait,” she called, as he started to step away, reaching for his wrist. “I’m so proud of you.”
“Thanks,” he grinned lopsided.
“Are you coming to Hot Pie’s?”
“Hot Pie’s?” he asked.
“Yeah, we all go there after the meeting to drink crappy coffee and talk. Better than going home and getting stuck in our heads.”
“Sure, I have nothing better to do.”
“Well, don’t you know how to make a girl feel special,” Dany joked. “Do you need a ride?”
“Aye. I live just a few blocks over so I walked here.”
“Come on then,” she said, pulling him along to her car. “Let me introduce you to Drogon.” Dany held out her arms to point to the black beater she owned. “It’s not much, but it’s all mine. I earned it myself without help from parents or anyone.” She was proud of the small accomplishment of owning her first car that wasn’t bought for her.
Jon laughed. “Alright, my queen, let’s see how fast this bad boy can fly,” he said, as he opened the door and slid inside.
As they drove to Hot Pie’s, they fell into easy conversation as if no time had passed at all, catching up on their year apart. Dany gave him her number and he immediately text her so she would have his. At Hot Pie’s she introduced him to everyone and Davos called him over to sit with the men.
“You’re too new to be chasing the first skirt you see.,” Davos jokingly chided him. Jon shook his head and complied, shrugging at Dany as he walked to sit next to him.
Their eyes kept finding each other, smiling across the room. A light sparked in his grey eyes that had been lacking before. Afterwards she took him home. Jon informed her Davos was now his sponsor and his first suggestion was no relationships for the first year. Dany laughed at the incredulous look on his face, as if he was a boy whose cookie had been snatched as he tried to take a bite.
When her chuckling died. He swallowed, his adam’s apple bobbing as he did, and turned to her and said, “I have waited for you this long, what’s a few more months for an eternity of a long, happy life with you.”
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