#joseph and soult

[meneeddeadmenyaoi]

A gift for myself as I've gotten to napoleonic fandom for 1000(+3) days🥰!

[jabybarjo]

The ends of the Marshals

We know a lot about our marshals of empires, but for some their existence ends in 1814, I did some research and I did all the dates of death of the 26 marshals of the empire with their age of death and some information that I had, do not hesitate to say other information if you have any, when we look closely Lannes was the first to die and at a young age while the one who spent the most time on earth is Moncey who lived until 87 years old, yet it is Marmont who will be the last to die in 1852, I hope that this will be useful for some.

Shot:

-Murat, October 13, 1815 (trying to recover his former kingdom of Naples …) at 48 years old

-Ney, December 7, 1815 (judged as a traitor for having joined Napoleon in 1815) at 46 years old

Defenestrate: (throw at a window)

-Berthier, June 1, 1815 (suicide or murder?) at age 61

Killed in combat:

-Lannes, May 31, 1809, wounded in the leg, dies of his wounds, at age 40

-Bessières, May 1, 1813, wounded by a cannon (no chance of survival) at age 44

-Poniatowski, October 19, 1813, drowned during the battle of Liepzig, at age 50

assassinated:

-Brune, August 2, 1815 (victim of the white terror of 1815) at age 52

-Mortier, July 28, 1835 (killed in an attack) at age 67

illness:

-Davout, June 1, 1823 (probably of tuberculosis) at age 53

-Augereau, June 12, 1816, at age 58

-Masséna, April 4, 1817 (long-term ill) at age 58

-Gouvion Saint-Cyr, March 17, 1830 (stroke) at age 65

natural causes, old age: (Here it is mainly deaths from natural causes)

-Perignon, December 25, 1818, at age 64

-Serurier, December 21, 1819, at age 77

-Lefebvre, September 4, 1820, at age 64

-Kellermann, September 14, 1820, at age 85

-Suchet, January 3, 1826, at age 55

-Jourdan, November 23, 1833, at age 71

-MacDonald, September 25, 1840, at age 74

-Victor, March 1, 1841, at age 76

-Moncey, April 20 1842, at age 87

-Bernadotte, March 8, 1844 (died of a paralytic attack at age 81)

-Grouchy, May 29, 1847, at age 80

-Oudinot, September 13, 1847, at age 80

-Soult, November 26, 1851, at age 82

-Marmont, March 2, 1852, at age 77

[isa-ko]

Part 1 of my napoleonic dump bc im too lazy to switch from mobile and make it a 20-post yah know yah know 😃?

[sunsolii]

Here's the second bunch of chibi marshals :D

[cedyat]

Oh, the things I would do for a Napoleonic themed fighting game...

Feel free to suggest some more characters in case I ever finish this. I was kinda running out of ideas 😅

[mai-von-weissenfels]

I drew all 26 of Napoleon's marshals

[chelleshistorydump]

A tier-list of the marshals mainly based on how much I hyperfixate on them. Feel free to drop your own opinions on here :3

Tierlist can be found here!

[yaggy031910]

A fun little ask: the Marshalate is informed there is cake in the break room. How do each of them react?

Who ever you are, thank you for this sweet little question and I apologise for my late response. 🙈💕

I have ideas for some of them, however I am **not** aware of the maréchals eating habits so any input is welcome here. Also, I don't know all of the marshals well enough but I will try to include as many as possible. Don’t expect any historical accuracy in this.

See this post as a very big headcanon and as one ongoing story where I am going to try to mimic the marshals characters and miserably fail.

Shall we begin? :D

Les Maréchals and cake

Berthier would hear about it and quietly get excited by the idea of having a nice little piece of cake, just for him to be too busy with everything so that he isn't able to leave his desk. Either this or someone (probably one of his adcs) would be nice enough to get for Berthier his piece of cake.

Murat: You bet he is one of the first ones to look at this cake. His reaction might depend on how the cake looks. If it's a huge cake with a lot of golden details, Murat will carry it around so everyone admires this phenomenal cake because it deserves to be looked at.

Augerau and Masséna wonder why there is such a fancy a cake in the break room in the first place and who might have put it there. Augerau asks Masséna with a low voice: “How much money do you want to bet on the cake being poisoned?” Before Masséna is able to answer, Lannes enters the scene.

Lannes runs after Murat with the cake knife demanding to finally get his damn piece of this cake while Murat can't make himself to cut it because this cake is “so damn beautiful that it would be a waste to eat it.” This little game goes on for a minute or two until the other marshals grow impatient, one of them being Ney.

Ney who is known for his hotheadedness tries to save this cake from a disaster aaaaand fails. :) The three of them dispute over who is the actual culprit of this mess.

L: Murat, what have you done? M: I have done nothing. You followed me with a knife. N: You let the cake fall. M: You intervened in my business with Lannes.

The cake has fallen to the ground as Davout, Suchet and Macdonald watched. “Aaand here goes the cake”, Macdonald says; “At least the floor was able to taste it.” Suchet asks: “What do you think was its flavour?” ”Chocolate vanilla.” Davout answers. After a moment of silence, he adds. “Soult has a good recipe.” Mortier walks in, seeing how Lannes, Murat and Ney are loudly disputing while Masséna and Augerau get themselves black coffee and Davout, Suchet and Macdonald talking. Lefebvre who was walking right behind Mortier gestures him to move away from the door so he can get into the break room: “What is going on?”

Suchet: “We found a cake-“ Davout interrupts him: “We found a chocolate vanilla cake which we don’t know how it got here or if it was poisoned and now it’s inedible because his royal highness, the King of Naples, made it fall.”

Murat shouts from the back: “I didn’t let it fall.” Lannes: “Oh, you did.”

Lefebvre offers a solution like the good fatherly figure he is: “Do you still want cake? We could bake a new cake, messieurs.” Davout replies: “This sounds like a smart idea, Monsieur. Maréchal Soult knows an excellent recipe.”

Lefebvre: “Ahh, excellent. Where is our maréchal?”

Mortier: “He is in his office.”

“Then this where our journey goes next.” Lefebvre slams the door open and accidentally hits Oudinot. “Ah, Monsieur, my apologies. If I had known you were there, I wouldn’t have slammed the door as hard as I did. Are you alright? Yes? Until the next time then.”

Davout walks up to his friend to make sure how Oudinot is doing and explains to him in the meanwhile what is going on and also promises Oudinot to bring him a piece of the cake they are going to bake.

Lefebvre takes the lead and walks straight to Soult’s office while Davout and Mortier follow him. Suchet decides to stay behind while Macdonald thinks about it. Lefebvre knocks on Soult’s office door: “Monsieur, le maréchal? Are you here?” *Lefebvre knocks again with his energetic manner.* “Monsieur, le maréchal, it’s me, Lefebvre. Open the door!*

Soult opens the door with his usual unimpressed demeaner: Hm? Lefebvre: “Excusez-moi, mon maréchal, I heard you have a recipe for a delicious cake?” Soult: Cake? What cake? Davout: The chocolate vanilla one… the one you baked for your daughter Hortense’s birthday. The delicious one. Soult: Ah, yeah. That one. What of it? Mortier: We would like to bake this cake, which is why we want to ask if you mind us borrowing the recipe? Soult stares at his co-maréchals for a second, he shuts the door, opens it again with a piece of paper in his hand which he gives to Lefebvre. “Here. Is there anything else you need?” Macdonald who decided to join the baking group walks up to them and asks Soult: “Would you mind to lend us your baking equipment?” - “No. Have a nice day.” Soult shuts his door while Lefebvre shouts: “Thank you for your help, Monsieur Soult.” Macdonald asks: “What are we going to do now?” “We are going to bake the cake now, my good friend”, Davout answers. Mac: “Where? Where do you want us to bake the cake? Do we have the right ingredients?” D: In the kitchen and I don’t see why we shouldn’t have the ingredients. Macdonald looks at Davout with suspicious eyes about the matter if they are going to manage to bake this cake… The group of maréchals appear in the imperial kitchen where they start to gather the right ingredients. While the group is busy with the preparations, les maréchals Pérignon and Sérurier appear, wondering what is going on. As Lefebvre is explaining these two their baking journey up until now, Pérignon and Sérurier decide to join them: “A cake made by maréchals for maréchals.”

What could possibly go wrong with two additional heads in the kitchen? As it turns out: Everything. Pérignon and Sérurier manage to overdo the cake by confusing salt with sugar. The cake tastes salty, the icing itself is fine because it was made by Davout who religiously followed Soult’s directions. In addition to that, monsieur Lefebvre manages to mix up usual paper with baking sheets.

Bernadotte walks into the kitchen as he sees his fellow maréchals working on their baking project. He comments on the scenery: “This is just pure chaos without any discipline, a chaos which can’t possibly create something edible.” Davout replies “Well, have you ever baked anything in your miserable existence which you so call your life?”; to which Bernadotte says: “wELL, no, BUT-“ Davout continues: “Then get out of this room and give me my peace back or shut up.” Bernadotte decides to leave.

As Bernadotte is leaving, Jourdan walks right into the scene with an apple in his hand. A fire starts to break out in the oven and Jourdan, like the team player he is, turns and leaves this mess to his co-maréchals without saying one word.

Nothing is going as Davout had it planned. He sits in a corner, mourning this beautiful chocolate vanilla cake he had in mind. Macdonald sits right next to him with a spoon, telling him: “Well, at least the frosting you made yourself is delicious.” Davout, completely shattered by the fact that he wasn’t able to make his desired chocolate vanilla cake, puts his face into his palms until a surprise visits the kitchen: It’s maréchal Soult. With a cake. A chocolate vanilla cake. A chocolate vanilla cake which is neither burnt nor oversalted. A chocolate vanilla cake according to the recipe. Next to Soult is Oudinot who cuts two pieces of the cake: one for himself and one for his good old friend, Louis Nicolas Davout.

After Soult, Ney and Lannes enter the kitchen. Ney silently takes a piece of Soult’s cake, saying nothing except a simple “thank you”. So do Macdonald and Mortier. Soult tolerates Ney’s presence. Lannes on the other hand goes straight to the oversalted and burnt cake which the older maréchals made and are also eating. Kellermann and Grouchy, as late to the party as ever, also go for Lefebvre’s bad cake while Soult’s good cake is still sitting there. Soult can’t hide his look of disgust.

At some point, Bessières and Murat join or rejoin retrospectively the scene, walking up to Soult’s cake. Bessières, as well mannered as he is, takes one piece of a cake to which Murat comments: “I know how much you like this lovely type of cake, Bessières, take a second piece.” - “No”, Soult replies: “That’s not your cake. Take your piece and leave.” Murat adds: “For whom are the other pieces then? I don’t see anybody who would possibly want to eat this gorgeous baked good. We want to eat your delicious creation of a fabulous cake.” - “One piece each. You can give him your piece if you like to.” Bessières interrupts the two: “I am content with my piece.” Murat doesn’t listen to what Bessières says and continues his conversation with Soult: “My fellow maréchal, I don’t understand, why do you struggle so much with allowing somebody to have one additional piece of cake than the other ones?”

While Murat and Soult continue their dispute which leads to nowhere, one adc enters slowly the kitchen. He looks at Soult who recognises this man as one of Berthier’s adcs. He came to get a piece of cake for his marshal. Soult lets him take one of the few pieces left. All of a sudden, Kellermann seems to be chocking on his salty cake piece. All the maréchals are gathering around him and in the chaos, the last few pieces of Soult’s cake fall to the ground. Soult looks at his cake or what’s left of it. One could argue that everyone who wanted to eat it was able to eat it. One could argue that these fallen pieces can be ignored and Soult could go on with his day never ever thinking about the pieces again. However, we are talking about maréchal Soult here who sees the art in baking. The love, the accuracy of it. Today he didn’t just bring cake to his fellow maréchals. Today he witnessed how some of them have no sense of dignity for what it means to be able to eat good food. Good cake. Soult is leaving the room, not bothered about Kellermann as he wouldn’t be able to help anyway. He is going to his wife, his Louise Berg, who asks him about his day. He tells her the whole of it. How he was surprised by his fellow maréchals who wanted to bake a cake. How he knew that they are going to mess up his recipe. How he baked that cake properly and how a part of it went to waste. “Some of them ate oversalted and burnt cake. Who eats bad cake? Who likes bad cake???”

Davout on the other hand was thankful for Soult. With a smile on his face, Davout enjoyed his so desired chocolate vanilla cake, unbothered by the event surrounding him. The end. :)

[josefavomjaaga]

Murat and Bessières at school

Still looking for something for @flowwochair, I came across this very brief remark in the memoirs of general Jean Sarrazin (more about him below):

When I was seven, my father took me to the college in Cahors, the capital of the Lot department. My father chose this college in preference to the one in Agen, on the advice of the Comte de Fumel, whose tenant he was. [...] I was raised with Murat, Bessières and Andral, with whom I was friends. Bessières was well-behaved, a little Cato. Murat was a scatterbrain, boisterous and concerned only with his own pleasures. He was a true Paris brat (gamin de Paris).

Now, I assume this author is a highly suspicious source. Not only because he, obviously, is yet another Gascon, but mostly because he, after having served in the Revolutionary and Imperial army, defected to the British in 1810, and supplied them with plenty of information on Napoleon’s plans and the most prominent leaders of his army. As a matter of fact, in 1811 he had a book published with descriptions of several prominent figures in France, called "The Philosopher", the first chapter of which is dedicated to Marshal Soult, who was probably the most interesting to the British due to him being their main opponent in Spain, and who in this book receives much more praise than is due to him. While much of it may be plain wrong or at least cannot be verified, I feel like it’s an interesting insight into what people in the army at the time thought about these folks.

Among other things, Sarrazin gives a long description of the battle of Fleurus, with some interesting twists. Mostly he claims that Lefebvre owed his reputation as a great general only to Soult, who at the time was his chief-of-staff, and even has general Marceau exclaim that Soult had won the battle of Fleurus for them. This is completely opposite to Soult’s own memoirs, where Soult has nothing but praise for Lefebvre’s actions during the battle of Fleurus, and barely mentions his own. However, there seems to be some truth to Soult coming to the aid of one rather desperate general Marceau, as Soult mentions this, too, though in a very different context.

The demand to detach some troops at a very inopportune moment is made in Soult’s memoirs as well – but not by Marceau, but by Saint-Just. And it’s not Lefebvre and Soult who refuse, but Jourdan (whom Soult praises a lot for having had the courage to stand up to what he calls "Saint-Just's presumptuous ignorance"). I am not sure in how far these memoirs are influenced by Soult’s own long life and his own political situation, but he clearly despises Saint-Just. According to his memoirs, the whole officers’ corps was shaking with fear while the politicians were with them, literally scared to death. In front of Charleroi, one artillery capitaine allegedly was executed for having failed to meet the schedule Saint-Just had set for him.

Again, I have no clue what this is based on. But I thought it worth mentioning, maybe somebody from the Frev community can shed some light onto this incident.

(Personally, I feel like Soult may be projecting here a little of "Joseph's presumptuous ignorance" onto another episode of his life 😋)

[flowwochair]

oh my god I can't believe I forgot to post this here, better late than never

[usergreenpixel]

MALMAISON MEDIA SALON SOIRÉE 19: LA MÁSCARA NEGRA(1982)

1. The Introduction

Greetings, Neighbors. I missed you and hopefully you missed me too!

Anyway, you already know that I kept rescheduling because a lot of stuff has happened, so let’s not waste time on explanations and talk about this obscure swashbuckling TV series made in Spain in 1982.

I found it on IMDb a while ago, under the category of Napoleonic movies and series. Since I have a soft spot for swashbuckling stories and hadn’t seen anything of the genre set during Peninsular War, you can imagine how curious I got.

Luckily, the entire 11 episodes can be found on YouTube, but only in Spanish so yeah… it’s a bit of a bummer, unfortunately.

Either way, I do speak Spanish fairly well, so at the very least I can make a review out of the series! Let’s see if it’s actually an interesting subject. Also, this review is dedicated to @josefavomjaaga , @that-enragee and @koda-friedrich .

2. The Summary

Obviously, the classic swashbuckling formula with a masked hero definitely applies here. Our protagonist is one Don Carlos de Zaráte, an adventurer who returns to Madrid right before the beginning of the Peninsular War.

Although reluctantly, Don Carlos eventually assumes the identity of The Black Mask, a folk hero fighting the French and their collaborators, all while pretending to be a collaborator himself by day.

3. The Story

The swashbuckling genre in its classic form isn’t exactly known for that much originality, but, as someone who grew up on such stories, I don’t actually mind the classic formula, as long as the story and characters still appeal to me.

Luckily, here the story has a twist: Don Carlos is not the original Black Mask, but rather he assumes the mantle of the hero at the beginning of the story, succeeding the person who had the alter ego beforehand.

And at first Don Carlos is reluctant to do it until he decides to fight the French invaders, which makes room for some nuance in the story and the character arc. The show could have benefited from having nuance in the French characters too, but usually swashbuckling stories don’t have the most complex villains so there’s that.

I did like the pacing, the semi-episodic story structure and a bit of an ambiguous ending that still neatly wrapped up the plot.

Also, I find it refreshing that many historical events are a backdrop for the actual plot, unlike all the stories I’ve seen where characters help shape history (nothing wrong with either btw).

4. The Characters

Don Carlos is actually a pretty complex character. Instead of merely pretending to be a foppish aristocrat, he actually used to be one before the story and only during the series it becomes merely a facade to ward off suspicions. He grows and matures a lot over the course of the story while still remaining the same person at his core, so the change feels realistic.

He’s also very cunning and ingenious, using various tricks to aid him in his escapades. Not above seduction or gambling, but, again, often uses it to maintain cover and gather information.

Then there’s Elodia, a young hat maker who Don Carlos takes under his wing. While she is too young to help The Black Mask, sometimes she does have an important role in the adventures and she also has a found family kind of dynamic with Don Carlos, which is sweet! She is very mature, but still a realistically written child.

Don Diego, younger brother of Don Carlos, is a much more hotheaded and idealistic youth than his brother and his role, while quite small, still sets the main events in motion.

Francisco Goya, who is basically a minor recurring character, stays neutral (at least publicly) but in reality is appalled by the war and isn’t afraid to speak through his art, even though it’s still very dangerous. He even plays a prominent role in one of the episodes.

Joachim Murat, who makes a few appearances, surprisingly isn’t made stupid! Sure, he is very ruthless, but at the very least he’s smart.

Joseph Bonaparte is name dropped and at least one character calls him a drunkard, but not Pepe Botellas.

Soult is mentioned as well but doesn’t appear in the series.

5. The Setting

Actually I like the setting. Not very high budget but still quite nice and seems accurate enough, at least to me.

I especially liked all the landscapes like hills, the shores, etc.

6. The Acting

Amazing job all around, especially when it comes to Sancho Gracia, who plays Don Carlos. This particular actor actually appeared in a lot of media set during peninsular war. A few actors are a bit too old though, like the one who played Murat.

7. The Conclusion

Honestly, I did enjoy the series! Flaws aside, it’s a pretty solid adventure story with an interesting twist on the usual masked avenger formula so, if you do know Spanish and are looking for a fun series to kill time, I recommend it!

Anyway, that would be all for today’s soirée. Thank you for coming and stay tuned for more reviews!

Love,

Citizen Green Pixel

[flowwochair]

this is your second reminder to KEEP!!!

VOTING!!!

FOR!!!

L E F E B R V E ! ! !

Adam Jerzy Czartoryski

(admin note: even if you don't vote for him, reading about his life is a wild ride)

Propaganda:

"Decided that the way to free Poland was by having a threesome with Alexander and his wife.”

Lefebvre:

Propaganda:

“Total DILF material, and the fiery passion in his eyes was matched only by his fiery personality! This contest may be based on looks (and Lefebvre is a strong candidate on this metric alone); but it's hard not to fall in love with his spicy takes and saucy language. He told Napoleon, "Let us throw the lawyers into the river” after agreeing to help overthrow the Directory (quoted in David G. Chandler, ed., Napoleon's Marshals), and from his English Wikipedia article: When a friend expressed envy of his estate, Lefebvre said, "Come down in the courtyard, and I'll have ten shots at you with a musket at 30 paces. If I miss, the whole estate is yours." After the friend declined this offer, Lefebvre added, "I had a thousand bullets shot at me from much closer range before I got all this." In response to a clueless young man demanding his identity at a social event, he answered, ''Je viens de la lune, où je n'ai jamais vu un Jean-Foutre de ton espèce: Je m'appelle le Général Lefebvre!” [“I come from the moon, where I’ve never seen such a #*$& as you. My name is General Lefevre!”] Quoted in The Secret History of the Cabinet of Bonaparte by Lewis Goldsmith, 1810, which is also hilarious because the author clearly hates Lefebvre, but makes him sound like a cool badass. He earns additional sexy points by sticking by his ex-washerwoman wife, who had a mouth of her own. (tbh Catherine Lefebvre, “Madame Sans-Gêne,” deserves her own Napoleonic Sexyman [gender neutral] nomination).”

[jabybarjo]

Since that's all I have to do with my life, I decided to rank the marshals according to their popularity: the stars, the well know, the okay ones, the unknow ones and the who they are ?

(this is my opinion of cours)

[mathildeaquisexta]

The Napoleonic Marshals’ MBTIs according to Internet

(most of them are probably wrong but I'm 100% sure about my fellow INTJs, especially Soult)

(missing because of lack of information : Brune, Grouchy, Jourdan, Kellerman, Macdonald, Moncey, Pérignon, Sérurier, Perrin)

Pierre Augereau : ESTP Jean-Baptiste Bernadotte/Charles XIV : ENFJ Alexandre Berthier : ISTJ Jean-Baptiste Bessières : ISTJ Laurent Gouvion Saint-Cyr : INTP Louis-Nicolas Davout : INTJ Jean Lannes : ESTP François-Joseph Lefebvre : ENTJ Auguste de Marmont : ENTP André Masséna : ENTP Adolphe Mortier : ISTP Joachim Murat : ESTP Michel Ney : ESTP Nicolas-Charles Oudinot : ESTJ Joseph-Antoine Poniatowski : ISTP Jean-de-Dieu Soult : INTJ Louis-Gabriel Suchet : ENTJ

[joachimnapoleon]

Aaahhhh!!! I've been obsessing over it lately and I thank you for creating your blog, it's very informative! But I would like to know please how Murat got along with most of the Marshals, I also read that he got along well with Bessiéres, reply when you can!

Sorry for the late reply, I haven’t had energy for social media for the past month or so. Glad you’ve been enjoying the blog though!

As for Murat’s relationships with his fellow marshals, I think in general the tensions/conflicts he had with several of them have been overblown. I’ve written a bit about my view of his relationship with Lannes before (here, and a little follow-up here), and I still remain convinced that they were closer than the ongoing mainstream narrative based on dubious memoirs. Murat also butted heads with Ney on various occasions during campaigns, but I don’t believe there was any deep hatred between them or anything like that, and they got on well enough during the 1812 campaign and seemed pretty much on the same page. Oh, but Murat, Lannes, and Ney were all hanging out at Bareges together taking the waters when Murat found out he was going to be the new King of Naples, so there’s that.

Murat’s relationship with Berthier is interesting and I wish I knew more about it. Early on, Murat (who was pretty prone to paranoia) was convinced that Berthier was his enemy, as a result of Murat having been critical of him. But their relationship seems to have grown better over the years judging from some tidbits I came across in some of Berthier’s letters to Murat. Berthier also serves as kind of a go-between when Murat is in Naples and Napoleon wants to criticize him and needs someone to word it in such a way as to not wound Murat’s delicate feelings too deeply; he takes a much more gentler approach while still making sure Napoleon’s points get through to Murat.

Murat doesn’t seem to have gotten along very well with Soult, but I think @josefavomjaaga has posted more details on that on her page before, I really don’t know much about Soult in general.

Bessieres and Murat were supposedly good friends but it’s just another one of those things that unfortunately doesn’t have enough documentation on it one way or the other. Most of their correspondence I’ve ever comes across has been very formal and businesslike. It’s also hard to glean too much about Murat’s relationship with Bernadotte either. They had similar political views early in their careers, and Murat invited Bernadotte to his wedding (I’ve always wondered if it was just to spite Napoleon, who refused to attend), but also expressed criticism of Bernadotte in a letter to Joseph Bonaparte for having refused to side with the Bonapartes during the Brumaire coup. I really haven’t found much else about their relationship at all.

If there’s one marshal we can say for sure Murat absolutely did not like or get along with, it’s Davout. These two were just oil and water, unalike in pretty much every fathomable way. Their relationship got so bad during the 1812 campaign that Murat’s chief of staff had to physically restrain Murat from going out to either challenge Davout to a duel, or maybe just to shoot him on the spot (Murat had just grabbed his pistol and was on his way out of his tent). When Murat dared to speak against Napoleon for abandoning the army during the retreat and threatening to leave himself, Davout upbraided him for “black ingratitude”. I’ve never found exactly how Davout reacted to news of Murat’s defection in 1814, but it’s pretty easy to imagine.

Thanks for the ask!

[hoppityhopster23]

Late to the game but I’m adding because why not.

62. Don’t ask Larrey why he came to the treatment he’s using on the wounded. It’s all the right things for all the wrong reasons.

63. It’s not worth being neutral. Believe me, cities have been bombed horrendously for being neutral. If you do plan on it doing it anyways, just beat the British to it and blow up your own ships.

64. If involved in an affair with the Danish king, don’t bother cheating on him or try to run off. You may get exiled. But why should you? He pays well, and any kids with the guy will live richly.

65. Don’t speak badly of religion or the monarchy in Denmark. You may find yourself permanently exiled.

66. Don’t ask the Danish monarch about the lack of mailboxes in his kingdom. Just don’t.

67. What happens Danish officer parties stays in the Officers parties.

68. Please don't put the French and Russian Peacocks in a room. we don't need to watch that.

69. If Larrey needs something, he will tell you, no matter the time it is or what you are doing.

Napoleonic War Survival Tips for the French Army

1. Don’t refer to Marshal Murat’s uniform as “peacock wear” within earshot of him.

2. When Napoleon pulls out a map, don’t ask, “Are we lost?”

3. If your cannonball doesn’t quite reach the enemy lines, just blame the wind. Or Berthier.

4. Don’t accidentally toast “To King Louis” at an officers’ dinner. Ever.

5. Avoid playing cards with Marshal Lannes – unless you enjoy losing your entire month’s pay.

6. Foraging in enemy territory: Always ask what’s in the stew before you eat it.

7. If you’re sent to negotiate peace, don’t open with, “Our emperor said this would be easy.”

8. During winter campaigns, remember: snowballs do not replace musket balls.

9. Don’t try to outdo Napoleon in recalling historical battles. You’ll lose.

10. If Napoleon is inspecting the troops, resist the urge to ask, “Is it true you’re shorter than Murat?”

11. Never, under any circumstances, suggest that Wellington’s redcoats “don’t look so tough.”

12. If Marshal Ney orders a charge, just assume it’s going to last until nightfall.

13. Do not ask Marshal Davout if his nickname Iron Marshal comes from his cooking.

14. If your bayonet charge fails, remember: retreat is just “advancing in the opposite direction.”

15. If someone says “This mission is simple,” expect nothing but complications.

16. In case of defeat, remember: it’s always the Austrians’ fault. Even if they aren’t there.

17. During peace negotiations, “bombing their latrines” is not considered a formal strategy.

18. If you happen to capture a British officer, refrain from gloating by saying, “See you in Paris!”

19. When bivouacked near rivers, don’t bet on crossing without some form of disaster.

20. Finally, do not point the cannons at the Emperor’s tent, even as a joke. Especially not as a joke.