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buckywintersoldierbarnes2017 · 7 years

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A Hidden Pain - Part 3

Original request from anon: Could you please write a Bucky x reader where she works as the teams assistant? She’s got a violent bf but no one knows about it until he assaults her at one of Starks parties. Bucky steps in and kicks his ass. He helps her move out of her place to live with him since he’s got his own floor at the tower. Bucky Barnes x Abused!Reader Words: 2,217 Warnings: Swearing, deception, threatening behaviour, violence, and angst. Disclaimer: None of the GIFs used are mine. All credit goes to their creators <3

A Hidden Pain Masterlist

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11

Your reunion at the hospital went far better than you had been expecting it to and for the first time in what felt like an incredibly long time he seemed to be back to the man he had been when you had fallen in love with him. Despite him being the injured party he held every door open for you as you left the hospital ward and he even helped you into the cab just like any other gentleman would. It was like nothing bad had ever happened between the two of you.

"I can't wait to get home. It will be nice to sleep in my own bed - those hospital ones are just wrong." Josh slipped himself onto the back seat of the cab next to where you were sat and wrapped his injured arm around your shoulders to pull him close into you. "I would request you join me but between the broken ribs and the fractured arm I doubt it will be all that pleasant."

An amused chuckle escaped from his lips but you didn't feel at all entertained by what he had said if anything you still felt terrible about what had taken place - about the pain that was inflicted upon him. As your guilt began to consume you a little more than you would have liked your teeth bit down into your bottom lip hard.

"You're not thinking of apologising again are you?"

"Hmm?" Snapping yourself out of your thoughts you turned to see that Josh had noticed your unease. "N-No...No I was just thinking that's all. Do you.....Do you remember anything about what happened?"

His hand gripped onto your shoulder hard, causing you to flinch slightly as thoughts of him hitting you began to invade your mind. It was only when you were about to move out of his strong grip that he lowered his lips down to your ear - his eyes remaining focused on the driver of the cab to make sure he wasn't listening in to the conversation.

"You mean do I remember that cripple beating me senseless for touching my own girlfriend?"

Your blood ran cold when his dangerously low voice travelled down your ear. His grip was at the point where his fingertips were sure to be leaving bruises on your skin even under the three layers of clothing you were wearing and any sense of hope you had felt for the future was thrown out of the open cab window and sent careering down the road behind you.

"Oh I remember every goddamn painful second sweetheart, believe me, and he will pay for it."

* * * * * * * * * *

"I'm afraid I am not allowed to let you leave your room Mr Barnes."

Vision stood before the angered super soldier, a dead pan expression on his face just as it always was, his arms folded across his chest as he watched him pace about his room. His metal hand was clenching up into a ball repeatedly as he restrained himself from lashing out.

"Vision you're a decent......whatever you are.....but I really have no patience for this today."

"I can sense that by the heightened state of your the amygdala." Bucky threw the synthetic humanoid a perplexed look which only achieved an even more confusing explanation. "Oh it is located deep within the temporal lobe of your brain. It controls emotions and your instin-"

"I don't give a damn what is going on in my head Vision! [y/n] is in danger and you lot are acting like I am some fucking wild animal that needs to be confined!"

This confrontation was doing nothing in the way of calming him down and the longer he was unable to get to you the more wind up he became. His jaw was clenched and a vein near his temple was throbbing away - his anger had always been something he could never control fully and when it came to the thought of you in danger it was uncontrollable completely. He still couldn't understand why you would have gone back to Josh......when you had him.

That's when he saw his opportunity - the window. His living quarters were 25 floors up but there was a building opposite it, he could make the jump with only a few bruises or a fractured bone at the worst should he land wrong, and given that Vision wasn’t about to move anytime soon there was no other choice. He was going to have to take it.

Without another thought for his own safety he propelled himself through the large panoramic window that overlooked the city's skyline and kept his sharp blue eyes on the very building roof he was heading for.

“Well…out of all the possible scenarios I predicted might happen that was most certainly not one of them.”

Despite his high levels of intelligence even Vision was dumbfounded by the sheer lack of concern for his welfare that Bucky had just demonstrated.

Tapping into the tower’s internal communications he reached out to the only person who would be able to sort this out.

“Captain Rogers it would appear that Mr Barnes decided to take an alternative route out of the building. May I suggest that you follow? Although this city is big there is only one location I have deduced he is going to.”

* * * * * * * * * *

It took quite the amount of manoeuvring to get Josh upstairs to the bedroom, having to make sure he didn’t knock any part of him on the way up, but once he was settled into the bed a sigh of relief escaped your lips as you perched yourself on the edge next to him.

Your eyes landed onto his bag that been brought back from the hospital as well and with him needing to rest up you figured the next best thing to take your mind off what he said in the cab was to unpack his things…..preferably at as slow a pace as possible so that you wouldn’t need to focus on him anytime soon. An idea which seemed perfect enough in your mind but when you leaned forward to unzip it Josh moved so fast on the bed towards you that it caused you to instinctively jump out of the way of any punch or slap he was about to throw at you.

The bag that had been a focal point in the distraction you needed now proved to be nothing more than an obstacle as your feet got tangled up in its handles and you found your entire centre of gravity shifting as you fell to the floor. It all happened so fast that even when you noticed the door handle of the wardrobe coming into view you couldn’t stop yourself from connecting with it.

A pained cry escaped your lips as the force of the impact opened the injury to your head that you had sustained just a few days previously.

“Jesus [y/n]!”

With a roll of his eyes Josh reluctantly wandered over to you, making sure to step over the bag that had just caused you to fall, and helped you back up onto your feet.

“Me? All I wanted to do was unpack your damn things.”

“I will do it myself. There are things in there that not even my girlfriend would want to see.”

Was hardly an explanation that offered anything towards why he wouldn’t allow you to unpack it but you weren’t about to argue anytime soon. The freshly opened wound on your head was the only injury you wanted today.

“Fine. Get back in bed while I clean myself up and then I will make you some coffee.”

Your eyes drifted back over to the bag, wondering what it was that he hadn’t wanted you to see, but when his dark eyes cast themselves over to you your retreat out of the room couldn’t have been any quicker.

BANG! BANG! BANG!

Your foot had only just left the bottom step when the loud noise came from the front door to your home.

“[y/n] I know you are in there now open the door.”

“Buck?”

The banging on the door stopped as soon as you spoke out but the urgent tone in his voice didn’t go anywhere.

“Please open the door. I need to make sure he hasn’t hurt you.”

The wound on your head had become the least of your concerns as your hand wrapped itself around the metal door handle, after all what had happened upstairs had actually been a genuine accident - it was your paranoia that had caused it not Josh himself, so when you opened the door to reveal a rather dishevelled looking Bucky you were taken aback by the fresh anger that took over him.

“Seriously? You’re back with him for five minutes and he’s already fucking touching you?!”

“What?” For a few brief seconds you were confused as to what he was talking about until a drop of blood dripped down onto your cheek. That was when you realised just what he must have thought. “No, no, Bucky….this, this was an accident. I swear! He didn’t do anything this time.”

“Where is he?”

Completely ignoring your explanation for the wound he very gently placed his hands onto both of your shoulders so that he could re-position you to allow a way in for himself.

“You were never supposed to come back here.” His eyes scanned the hallway and when he saw that there was no immediate sign of Josh he turned to look at you – a sad look enveloping the anger that had once been in his eyes. “You were supposed to stay with me.”

“I…I couldn’t. I had already put you through more than enough. You deserve better than that.”

Good god all you wanted to do was to wrap your arms around him, feel his lips smothering yours, and take away the sadness he was feeling. The two of you had never said it in as many words but it was clear to not only the other Avengers but also the two of you that you deeply cared for one another…..if only you’d have met at a different time then things could have been different.

“Longing….rusted….”

You had become so lost in the pair of sharp blue eyes stood before you that you had pretty much forgotten where you were….and who was upstairs. Now that something had broken you out of the hold Bucky had on you the fear really began to set in.

“…..furnace….daybreak….”

The words were spoken in a language that you weren’t fluent in but you knew all too well what was being said and even if you didn’t the look of sheer horror in Bucky’s eyes would have soon confirmed it for you. With each word that was spoken Josh took another step down the stairs and it soon became apparent just why he hadn’t wanted you to go looking through his bag. In his uninjured hand he held a small red notebook that was worn around the edges and had a black star embedded into the front of it.

“No, no, no…..Bucky you need to get out of here!” But he wasn’t moving, he couldn’t, the panic that was beginning to consume him meant that he was frozen to the spot where he stood as his chest rose and fell quickly. Your hand went up to his cheek, the pad of your thumb caressing his cheekbone, as you forced him to look at you. “That is not you anymore. Don’t listen to the words. Just keep listening to me…..please!”

Knowing that you were attempting to drown out his words by speaking louder Josh retaliated by shouting them out.

“….seventeen….benign…..nine…..”

A scream came from the super soldier as his body fell to the floor and both his hands clutched at his head as though the words themselves were sending a searing pain through him. You went down with him, continuing to make sure that he could feel your touch on him, and now your own panic was showing as tears crashed through the defences you had tried to put up for him and cascaded down your cheeks.

You didn’t know how Josh had ended up with such a horrifying part of Bucky’s past, or how he even knew in what way the words should be pronounced, but such questions were going to have to wait. There were far more important things to deal with right now.

“Bucky please. You can’t leave me now. I….”

You wanted to tell him the truth, hoping that it would prevent the words from changing him, but there was still the part of you that was terrified of doing so. Nothing good had come from telling the truth so far.

“….homecoming….one…..freight car.”

“…I love you.”

Silence filled the hallway, even Josh wasn’t making a sound now as he looked down at the scene, and as Bucky’s hands fell from where they had been clutching his head his face shot up so that your eyes met. There was no longer a hint of emotion inside of them, no spark of life, just a cold, dark, look of determination as his metal hand shot out towards your throat.

Permanent tag list: @fallenfairy16 @brieflybigwonderland @frolicsomefawkes @psychicwitchphilosopher @elwenia

Story tag list: @melconnor2007 @harleycativy @magellan-88

(Still room on both lists so if you would like to be added then just let me know, also if I missed anyone out just give me a nudge! <3 )

#a hidden pain #bucky barnes x reader #the avengers #marvel imagine #steve rogers #captain america #the winter soldier #winter soldier x reader #abuse #sebastian stan #not my gifs #james bucky barnes x reader #anger #trigger words #hydra #brainwash #heartbreak

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elliewriteslove · 5 years

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The Girls

Lily Parker (Josh Meyer’s Future Girlfriend)

-Full Name: Lily Jade Parker

-Birthday/Age: November 14th, 1994. Age is 25 at the start of this story.

-Hometown: Born and raised in Los Angeles, California.

-Race & Family Heritage: White. Mostly a mix of Western European ancestry. The largest majorities are part French and German on her mother’s side, and part English and Welsh on her father’s side.

-Parents: Daniel Parker - Father; Rose Parker - Mother, deceased (died of complications from childbirth)

-Siblings: None

-Pets: Her father and her own a male 27-year-old Russian tortoise named Scooter that was her mother’s. It was a gift from her father to her mother on their first wedding anniversary, as she always loved tortoises. Lily and her father have taken care of him in her stead, and love him greatly as a living link to her mother. When Lily moved out to get her own place she let her father keep Scooter, and has decided not to get any more pets of her own for now.

-Physical Description:

Hair: Medium-short, down to her shoulders in length, slightly-wavy, light brown. Parts it on the right side, and prefers to wear it down.

Eyes: Hazel. Specifically, mostly shades of brown with a little bluish-green around the edges.

Skin tone: Neutral, fair

Build: Lean

Height: 5 feet, 7 inches

Style: Prefers earthy tones; casual and layered clothes; doesn’t mind wearing pants, skirts, or dresses

Piercings: 1 lobe piercing in each ear

Tattoos: A stylized tattoo of a rose and lily twined together on her back left shoulder. It honors her mother’s memory, who died of complications from childbirth, and represents their close mother-daughter bond that her father helped cultivate by making sure to keep her memory alive, even though she never got to personally know her.

-Personality: Friendly, affectionate, maternal, calming/soothing, charming, mostly extroverted with some introverted tendencies (likes to be around others, but occasionally needs her alone time to “recharge”)

Good Traits/Habits: Since her mother died in childbirth and it was just her and her father growing up, she was always there for her father just as he was for her, sometimes feeling as if they were raising each other. This made her more maternal and calming as a person. As a result of this, she’s great at calming people down when they’re upset, especially children. As a friendly and charming person, she’s almost always able to quickly de-escalate situations and win people over to her side. She is also the person all her friends go to when they need someone to talk to, as she is always ready to listen and give advice when she can. She’s also quite an affectionate person, always willing and able to show her love and affection for those she cares about openly and freely.

Bad Traits/Habits: Due to her willingness to help out and her desire to keep situations and people calm and happy, she frequently tries to mediate difficult situations that she encounters in an effort to return the situation to relative calm, which sometimes can put her in bad positions where she might find herself in danger when she is unable to calm down the situation. Some people also get irritated when she butts into their argument to try to mediate and tell her it’s none of her business. Also, as a very affectionate person, she sometimes lets others affect her too much emotionally or lets others take advantage of her good nature and her willingness to always help out. She also can get a little clingy sometimes, as she’s almost constantly craving touches, hugs, and affection from those she’s close to.

-Job/Profession: She has already received her Bachelor of Arts in Education and her teaching certification. She now works as an elementary school teacher at one of the local schools in LA. She has always been good with and loved kids and knew at a young age that she wanted to work with them. She loves that she gets to teach the next generation how fun learning can be and hopes that she can provide a safe, fun environment for children to be able to be themselves.

-Nickname: Growing up, her father referred to her as “my little Lily”

-What Type of Drunk She Is: She’ll go out for drinks with friends occasionally, but doesn’t like to get drunk, as she doesn’t really like the feeling of being drunk. The few times she’s been drunk in the past, she was an emotional and sad drunk, crying at the drop of a hat over the smallest things and getting very clingy.

-Goals/Motivation: Her more immediate goal is to continue to be a good teacher and role model for her young students. Her motivation for that stems from her childhood alone with her father. She often felt almost as if she was raising him as he was raising her, feeling as if they grew together. As a result, she grew to love taking care of others and has a fondness for children, having always secretly wanted a sibling but was unable to have one. By the time she graduated from high school, she knew she wanted to be an elementary school teacher, and followed her dreams to become one. Her more long-term goal is to find a guy to settle down and start a family with. Her motivation for that is from listening to her father talk about her mother and their relationship, and seeing how much they must have loved each other. She hopes to find that someday, but hopes she’s able to stick around and be with her future family for a long time, unlike her own mother.

-Fears: She fears losing someone else important to her. Since her mother died during childbirth, and both her parents had no siblings, her family has always been small - just her and her father. She also had a small circle of close friends growing up, mainly just her best friend Trinity, so she only has a small group of people she’s really close to. She’s afraid of anything else happening to the few people she has left. She’s also afraid that, after she starts her own family in the future, something will happen to her to cause her to have to leave her own family behind.

-Nervous Habit: She tends to overthink and get herself worked up, and if it gets bad enough, starts to quietly cry when she’s nervous or worried.

-Best Friend: A 25-year-old African-American girl, mostly of West African descent, named Trinity Harris. They met in 1st grade and have been best friends ever since. They always did everything together growing up, and she is always there to support Lily when she needs it, especially at those times when the loss of her mother weighs heavier on her.

-Additional Fact: She loves the beach, and tries to make time to visit it as often as she can, although she prefers to stay on the beach and tan or read a book rather than get in the water most of the time. During the school year, she sometimes takes her leftover schoolwork, like students’ papers to grade, to the beach on the weekends to work on it there. During the summer months she has off, she likes to visit as often as she can when she’s not planning for the next school year or catching up with friends, even if it’s just a couple hours at a time.

-Random Trivia:

Her favorite color is green; she also likes pink.

She is right-handed.

She is slightly more of a light sleeper than a heavy sleeper, but is mostly average. She can usually sleep through most quiet sounds, but the louder noises outside and around the house usually wake her up.

Her preferred sleeping position is on her side, with both arms slightly stretched out in front of her.

Maya Reid (Kai Slater’s Future Girlfriend)

-Full Name: Maya Emerson Reid

-Birthday/Age: January 29th, 1995. Age is 24 at the start of this story.

-Hometown: Born in Kansas City, Missouri. Family moved to Los Angeles when she was 4 years old.

-Race & Family Heritage: White. A mix of Western and Eastern European ancestry. The largest majorities are French and Czech on her mother’s side, and Scottish and Greek on her father’s side.

-Parents: Melissa Reid - Mother; Wayne Reid - Father

-Siblings: Emma Reid - Older Sister by 2 years

-Pets: A female 2-year-old silver tabby American shorthair cat named Nova that she got from her best friend’s cat having kittens. Her family always had cats growing up, currently owning a female 7-year-old white Persian cat named Bianca, so she knew she wanted a cat when she got her own place.

-Physical Description:

Hair: Long, just past midway down her back in length, mostly straight, chestnut brown. Parts it in the middle, and has semi-long bangs that parts down the sides of her face to about mid-ear. Likes to wear it in a low messy bun.

Eyes: Medium Brown

Skin tone: Fair, warm

Build: Petite

Height: 5 feet, 3 inches

Style: Prefers bright colors and patterns; loves accessories and more fun and elaborate style clothes; will wear pants, skirts, and dresses, but prefers skirts

Piercings: Double lobe piercings in each ear

Tattoos: Has a matching tattoo with her best friend Vanessa that they got when they were 18. Maya’s is a small waxing crescent moon, which is a black circle with a white crescent moon on the right side, that’s on the lower part of the back of her neck. Vanessa’s is the opposite, a small waning crescent moon, which is a black circle with a white crescent moon on the left side, that’s in the same place. They chose the moon as they both loved watching the moon and stars together at night growing up, and now they both love the night life, going out to parties and clubs/bars.

-Personality: Energetic, fun-loving, loud, compulsive, always down to party or hang out, very extroverted (loves to be around others, gets her energy from being around other people and would prefer that to being alone)

Good Traits/Habits: She has tons of energy and exudes confidence in all the things she does. Others often get swept up in her energetic personality and find themselves having more energy as well when they’re around her. She’s quite good at getting what she wants, having the confidence and knowing just how to act to appeal to the person she’s trying to get something from. She also loves meeting new people and making new friends, and they will often find there’s never a lack of fun things to talk about and do with her around. She’s always looking to have fun in life and loves to hang out and party, so as a result is a great person to have at a party and to be around in general, because as long as she’s there, she’ll do what she can to try to make sure everyone’s having a good time.

Bad Traits/Habits: She can sometimes be too energetic, wanting to go out and have fun all the time, when sometimes her friends just want to stay home and relax. She can be too loud as well, sometimes not taking into account the situation or location she’s in, embarrassing her friends and causing them to have to calm her down and tell her to be quieter. She also parties a little too much sometimes, and often drinks too much at those parties. She can also be quite compulsive and make snap decisions without thinking through the consequences more thoroughly, which sometimes doesn’t lead to very good results, and may even get dangerous occasionally.

-Job/Profession: She completed an Event and Wedding Planning Course (IEWP) in order to become a Certified Event and Wedding Planner. She has always loved to party and often hosted them as well as attended them, at first with her friends at each other’s houses as a child, and then at clubs/bars when she got older. After graduating high school, she realized she could make party planning her career, so she took the certification course to become a certified event and wedding planner in order to follow her dreams of doing what she loves.

-Nickname: Growing up, her father referred to her as his “jelly bean” due to her being so small as a child.

-What Type of Drunk She Is: She likes to party and go out with friends to bars/clubs a lot and gets drunk at a good deal of them. She turns into a fun and happy drunk, constantly laughing, dancing, or playing party games, and generally being pretty loud.

-Goals/Motivation: Her more immediate goal is continuing to grow and become an even more successful event and wedding planner. Her motivation for that is because she always loved planning and attending parties, so now that she gets to do it for a living, she’s so happy and wants to make sure her business succeeds. She also loves seeing how happy her clients are after the event/wedding she planned is a success and helps make their special day even better. Her more long term goal is to find a guy that can keep up with her and that she can enjoy life with. Her motivation for that is from watching her best friend Vanessa’s previous dating experiences, as well as some of her own. If your significant other doesn’t live at the same pace or have the same goals in life, she’s noticed that often leads to problems in the relationship that tends to cause the relationship to end, due to lack of compatibility. So she wants to find someone that she’s compatible with that shares her goals in life and tries to live life to the fullest as much as she tries to.

-Fears: Before she got her job as an event and wedding planner, she used to fear that she was going to have to get a boring job that she hated just to be able to support herself, and was afraid that she’d always be stuck in that boring job which would lead to a miserable life doing something she hated. Now that she’s working as an event and wedding planner doing what she loves, she isn’t as afraid of that anymore, but is still somewhat afraid of that happening if her business fails, at which point she would be forced to get that boring job. She also fears that she’ll end up alone and won’t find a guy that’s compatible with her, someone who wants more than just a superficial physical relationship and actually wants an emotional connection as well, but still knows how to have fun in life. She’s a little disheartened that she’ll find someone like that, as almost all her previous experiences in romance so far have tended to be more superficial and physical.

-Nervous Habit: She tends to start talking too much and too fast when she’s nervous or worried.

-Best Friend: A 24-year-old Latina girl, mostly of Mexican descent, named Vanessa Gonzalez. They met in 6th grade and have been best friends ever since. They always tell each other everything, and love to party together, frequently going to various parties and clubs/bars around LA to drink and have fun together.

-Additional Fact: She loves astronomy and loves to stargaze, and made sure she bought a loft apartment that has access to the rooftop so she can go out and stargaze at night when she’s not out partying at the club/bar. The rooftop is also a great place to host parties or just hang out with friends, so she makes sure to host them up there often.

-Random Trivia:

Her favorite color is purple; she also likes red.

She is right-handed.

She is a heavy sleeper, and can usually sleep through most sounds, except the very loud ones. However, unlike Kai, she usually doesn't accidentally sleep through her alarms, as her alarms usually wake her up with no problems. There's only been a few times when she was very tired that she accidentally slept through her alarms.

Her preferred sleeping position is on her back in a starfish formation, with her limbs splayed out in various directions.

Karina Black (Roland Beck’s Future Girlfriend)

-Full Name: Karina Lyla Black

-Birthday/Age: October 25th, 1995. Age is 23 at the start of this story.

-Hometown: Born in Fort Meade, Maryland on the military base. Her father was in the Army while she was growing up, and so moved quite frequently, about every 2-3 years. They moved to Fort Sam Houston in San Antonio, Texas when she was 3, moved to Fort Bragg, North Carolina when she was 6, moved back to Maryland to Aberdeen Proving Ground when she was 8, then moved to Fort Irwin, California when she was 10. He retired from the Army when she was 13 years old, where they settled down in Los Angeles, California.

-Race & Family Heritage: Mostly white, small part Native American. Mix of Western European, mostly German, English, and Scottish, on her mother’s side. Mix of Western and Eastern European, mostly German and Polish, as well as a small part Cherokee Native American on her father’s side.

-Parents: Harper Black - Mother; Matthew Black - Father

-Siblings: Dakota Black - Younger Brother by 4 years

-Pets: None. Her family never owned any pets growing up due to constantly moving around. When she got her own place, she decided not to get any pets yet either.

-Physical Description:

Hair: Very long, down to her lower back in length, naturally curly, auburn brown. Parts it on the left side, and prefers to wear it down.

Eyes: Dark Blue, with flecks of dark green around the pupil

Skin tone: Pale, fair

Build: Slender, curvy

Height: 5 feet, 5 inches

Style: Prefers darker colors; unique and form-fitting clothes; will wear pants, skirts, and dresses, but prefers pants

Piercings: 1 lobe piercing in each ear, and a helix piercing in her right ear

Tattoos: none

-Personality: Quiet, great listener, reserved at first but more quirky with those that know her, witty, loves writing and literature, finds it a little hard to make friends due to moving all the time growing up, introverted (likes her alone time, but still likes to hang out with friends, she just needs more time alone to “recharge”)

Good Traits/Habits: As she never had many friends growing up due to moving all the time, she values the friends she does have greatly and is always willing to do what she can to help them when they need it. She’s a great listener, and her friends know they can come to her to vent or for some advice or help whenever they need it. For example, she’s always had good grades in school, as she never had many friends to distract her from her schoolwork, and grew to love and become quite good at literature in particular. So her small circle of friends would always know to come to her if they needed help with their schoolwork, and she’d try to do what she could to help them understand it. When she gets closer to someone and starts to feel more comfortable around them, her real personality starts to come through and she can get quite quirky and fun, and can also be quite witty. So those that she’s close to are able to see the real her beyond the quiet, reserved front.

Bad Traits/Habits: As she had to constantly move growing up, she finds it a little hard to make friends. This meant that growing up, she never had many friends, and started to withdraw from others, not wanting to make that many deep connections due to not wanting to constantly go through the pain of leaving behind good friends when it came time to move again. So she feels like she never really learned how or felt comfortable getting close to other people, and so today feels like she’s not that good at making new friends. In addition to that, her relatively lonely childhood also led her to being a rather quiet and reserved person with those she’s not close to, which can make others less likely to feel comfortable approaching her. Another reason people might not feel comfortable approaching her is the fact that when in public, if she’s not currently in the middle of doing something, she’ll most likely be reading a book. Besides the fact that she loves reading, she does it to help her feel more comfortable in situations where she feels awkward or doesn’t know what to do with herself, but it tends to send out the signal that she doesn’t want to be bothered or interrupted.

-Job/Profession: She has already received her Bachelor of Arts in Literature. She now works as a publishing assistant at a local publishing company to be able to support herself and supplement her income while she works on her real passion, which is writing. Her style of writing is fiction that has elements of fantasy and romance. She has always loved to write, and when she was a young teen started posting the amateur stories she had written online and got positive feedback, which only served to fuel her passion for writing. After high school, she decided to get a degree in literature in order to help her write better stories. After graduating, she decided to get a job as a publishing assistant while she worked on writing her books, hoping to get experience with publishing companies as well as hopefully get a foot in the door when it came time to publish her own books.

-Nickname: Her family and friends sometimes shorten her name to “Rina” or “Rin”.

-What Type of Drunk She Is: She doesn’t really like the taste of beer or liquor, preferring the taste of wine instead. She has a pretty high tolerance, but doesn’t really like to get drunk that often, instead preferring to just drink in moderation when at home or at a party on those rare occasions her friends can get her to go to one. When she does get drunk, she turns into a quiet but philosophical drunk, that will start to talk about serious and deep issues like the meaning of life and the universe if anyone tries to talk with her.

-Goals/Motivation: Her more immediate goal is to finish her first books and get them published. Her motivation for that is because she wants to become successful enough to be able to quit working at the publishing company and be able to support herself while working on her writing full time, which is her real passion. Her more long-term goal is to find a guy that she feels comfortable with and is able to form a deep connection with. As a more reserved person when it comes to meeting new people, having someone that she’s able to feel comfortable with and form a deep connection with is important to her. She also took inspiration from her own parents, as they have such a deep and loving connection that they stuck together all these years despite him being in the Army and having to leave the family occasionally and also having to constantly move them across the country. She wants to be able to find a love that deep that it’s able to stand the test of time like that.

-Fears: She fears that her writing won’t be good enough to be worth publishing and she’ll have to give up on her passion, and so be stuck doing a job she doesn’t really like for the rest of her life just to be able to support herself. She also fears that her reserved nature when meeting new people and her difficulty making new friends will stop her from finding a guy that she’s able to form a deep and loving connection with, and so is afraid that she’ll be alone for the rest of her life.

-Nervous Habit: She tends to twirl the ends of her hair in her fingers, or start tapping her pencil or pen on the nearest object if she’s holding one, whenever she gets nervous or worried.

-Best Friend: A 23-year-old white girl, mostly of Western European descent, named Nicole Bolton, but she goes by Nikki. They met when she first moved to LA when she was 13, when they had been placed next to each other in class at school. After talking throughout the year, they realized that they had a lot in common and soon became best friends. Now that they’ve moved out and gotten their own places, they make sure to still hang out and catch up when they have time.

-Additional Fact: She loves music, and loves to sing. She was in her school’s choir back in middle and high school, and now often listens to music whenever she’s writing to help her get in the right mood. She has a wide range of genres that she likes, pretty much listening to some from every genre. She really loves rock, metal, and alternative, but she also likes pop, EDM, and R&B, and even jazz and classical.

-Random Trivia:

Her favorite color is blue, but black is a close second.

She is ambidextrous and can do most things with either hand, but does have certain activities that she prefers to do with one hand over the other. For example, she usually prefers to write with her right hand, but brush her teeth with her left hand.

She is a light sleeper, and will wake up from most sounds, except the quieter ones. However, she's found that she almost always wakes up when someone tries to enter into or move around her bedroom, no matter how quiet they try to be.

Her preferred sleeping position is about halfway between sleeping on her side and sleeping on her stomach. It's not quite fully one way or the other, and she usually has one leg bent up with her arms tucked in loosely to her chest.

Saige Crawford (Oli Jones’ Future Girlfriend)

-Full Name: Saige McKenzie Crawford

-Birthday/Age: March 19th, 1996. Age is 23 at the start of this story.

-Hometown: Born and raised in Los Angeles, California. Parents divorced when she was 6. Mother remarried when she was 9. Father remarried when she was 8 to a woman that had a 9-year-old daughter at the time. Every other weekend, she would go over to stay at her father’s house.

-Race & Family Heritage: White. Mix of Western European ancestry, mostly part Dutch and Flemish (Belgian) on her mother’s side, and part English and Welsh on her father’s side.

-Parents: Amelia Crawford-Steinberg - Mother; Raphael Steinberg - Step-Father; Jacob Crawford - Father; Charlotte Keaton-Crawford - Step-Mother

-Siblings: Reagan Keaton - Older Step-Sister by 1 year (daughter of her father’s wife)

-Pets: A female 6-month-old black Labrador retriever dog named Bailey. Her mother always owned dogs, currently owning a female 4-year-old Border Collie named Connie, so she knew she wanted a dog when she got her own place.

-Physical Description:

Hair: Long, midway down her back in length, wavy, dirty blonde. Parts it on the right side, and prefers to wear it down.

Eyes: Honey Brown

Skin tone: Neutral, fair

Build: Slim, lithe

Height: 5 feet, 4 inches

Style: Prefers varied colors; likes boho-chic style; doesn’t mind wearing pants, skirts, or dresses

Piercings: 1 lobe piercing in each ear

Tattoos: A watercolor feather with a few small flying birds around it on her right front shoulder. It symbolizes her desire to be able to be free in all she wants to do and follow her dreams wherever she wants to go.

-Personality: Free-spirited, happy, optimistic, empathetic, daydreamer, extroverted (likes to be around friends, mostly gets her energy by being around others but doesn’t mind some occasional alone time)

Good Traits/Habits: As a free-spirited person, she loves to live in the moment and go wherever life takes her. She loves trying new things and meeting new people, and treats each moment in life as a valuable life experience. She’s very empathetic and feels emotions deeply, and is always willing to be there for someone and listen to their problems and empathize with them, and is always willing to help them out if she can. She also likes to try and donate to and volunteer at charities whenever she can, as she feels like it’s only the least she can do to help people less fortunate than her. She’s quite a happy and optimistic person most of the time, and always seems to lighten up whatever room she enters and seems to make those she talks to more happy just by being around her. She’s also a daydreamer and quite creative, and so always has ideas for something fun to do whenever she’s out with friends and they need something to do.

Bad Traits/Habits: She can sometimes get too emotional or empathetic and lets her emotions rule her too much. She can let herself get too caught up in her own or even others emotions and lets it take her over, causing her to not have a strong enough grip on controlling her more extreme emotions and letting herself get carried away. When it comes to the time she spends volunteering at charities, she sometimes tries to give too much of herself away to others and ends up spreading herself too thin trying to help all the people she can. A bad side of her free-spiritedness is that she often daydreams too much and gets carried away, causing her to start having a hard time focusing and getting distracted easily, which also tends to cause her to lose motivation for things she’s started and makes her have a hard time finishing them.

-Job/Profession: She completed a Certified Interior Decorator (CID)-accredited interior decorating program in order to become a Certified Interior Decorator, and now works at a local interior decorating company. She has always loved designing and decorating, and loved to help her parents decorate their houses growing up as well as decorated her own place. She’s artistic and creative with an eye for good design, so after she graduated high school, she immediately pursued going through the interior decorating certification program so she could follow her dreams of becoming an interior decorator.

-Nickname: Her mother still often refers to her as “my baby,” and her father still often refers to her as “my little girl”

-What Type of Drunk She Is: She occasionally likes to go out drinking with friends, and sometimes gets drunk. She turns into a giggly drunk and a wanderer. She’ll start giggling over the smallest things, sometimes over nothing, and will frequently wander away from her friends, making them have to keep an eye on her or go look for her so they don’t lose her.

-Goals/Motivation: Her more immediate goal is to continue to grow and be an even more successful interior decorator. Her motivation for that is from her lifelong love of decorating and artistic design. She spent her childhood helping her parents decorate their houses and later even helped her friends decorate their own places. They always told her that she had an eye for this type of thing and should think about pursuing it as her career, and she agreed as it was something she always loved to do. Her more long term goal is to find a guy that shares the same happy and optimistic outlook on life that she does, that also doesn’t mind her free-spiritedness and won’t try to tie her down doing things she doesn’t like. Her motivation for that is that she believes if she finds someone as generally happy and optimistic as she is who doesn’t mind her free-spiritedness and won’t hold her back, then they’ll be able to be compatible and happy together for the rest of their lives.

-Fears: She fears that she will start to feel tied down and trapped in life or in a situation that she can’t get away from or feels obligated to be in. As a free-spirited person, she can’t stand the thought of being forced to do something she hates because she feels trapped in the situation or obligated to do it.

-Nervous Habit: Whenever she gets nervous or worried, she tends to start fidgeting with her fingers, and also starts biting her nails.

-Best Friend: Her 24-year-old white step-sister, mostly a mix of Western and Eastern European descent, named Reagan Keaton. Since they became step-sisters when Saige was 8 and Reagan was 9, and Saige had been coming over to her father’s house every other weekend where Reagan lived with her mother, they spent a lot of time together growing up and became best friends. They even asked their parents to be able to meet up and hang out when it wasn’t Saige’s weekend to visit. Now that they both have their own place, they make sure they still meet up often to catch up, hang out, and have fun.

-Additional Fact: She loves painting. She also likes to sketch and draw, but prefers painting. She has a room set up at her place that she’s dedicated as her painting room, and tries to take the time to paint when she can.

-Random Trivia:

Her favorite color is yellow; she also likes green.

She is right-handed.

She is slightly more of a heavy sleeper than a light sleeper, but is mostly average. Most sounds outside or around the house will usually not wake her up, but louder noises will, especially those inside the bedroom.

Her preferred sleeping position is on her back, with her legs mostly straight and her arms either by her side or across her stomach.

Anna West (Finn O’Donnell’s Future Girlfriend)

-Full Name: Anna Violet West

-Birthday/Age: August 12th, 1997. Age is 21 at the start of this story.

-Hometown: Born and raised in Los Angeles, California.

-Race & Family Heritage: White. Mix of mostly Scandinavian and a little Western European ancestry. The largest majorities are Norwegian and Swedish on her mother’s side, and Finnish and English on her father’s side.

-Parents: Elizabeth West - Mother; Mitchell West - Father

-Siblings: Tyler West - Older Brother by 6 years; Cody West - Older Brother by 4 years

-Pets: None. Her parents never wanted to have any pets while she was growing up, and now that she has her own place, she doesn’t really want any pets either.

-Physical Description:

Hair: Medium-long, between her shoulders and mid-back in length, straight, pale blonde. Parts it in the middle, and has bangs that are about eyebrow length. Sometimes likes to wear it in a low ponytail.

Eyes: Sky Blue

Skin tone: Very pale, cool

Build: Petite

Height: 5 feet, 1 inch

Style: Prefers pastel colors; cute and feminine style clothes; will wear pants, skirts, and dresses, but prefers skirts and dresses

Piercings: 1 lobe piercing in each ear

Tattoos: None

-Personality: Shy, sweet, bookworm, patient, gentle, slightly introverted (likes to hang out with friends, but also likes her alone time)

Good Traits/Habits: She is a very sweet and gentle person, always greeting people with a smile and generally being very non-intrusive and speaking with a quiet voice. People say it’s hard to find it in themselves to dislike someone like her and rarely have a problem working with her because they say she always tries to do her part and is always so nice. She’s also quite patient, so that along with her kind, quiet, and gentle personality makes her work very well with children, and she’s good at comforting them as well. She’s also a great person to turn to when you need a shoulder to cry on or some calm advice, as she always does her best to try to make you feel better. She also loves books and is very well read, always willing to help out friends when they need help with their school work if they’re having trouble understanding the concepts in the books they’re reading.

Bad Traits/Habits: She is quite shy, sometimes having trouble communicating with people because she is too shy to talk to them or make eye contact, or is not bold enough to speak up and get her ideas across. Due to her gentle and kind nature along with her shyness, she sometimes is a pushover and lets others walk over her, as she is not bold enough to stand up for herself and tell them off. It’s also easy for people to just completely overlook her, as she is usually too shy to be the center of attention in conversations and is instead being a wallflower off to the side. She often uses her love of books as crutch in social situations when she feels too shy or uncomfortable by choosing to pull out a book and stand off in a corner and read instead, which sometimes makes people forget about her or puts off the signal that she doesn’t want to be bothered, when she’s really just shy.

-Nickname: Her parents used to call her “Anna Banana” as a cute nickname growing up, and they and her brothers still sometimes call her that as a joke

-What Type of Drunk She Is: She has never been drunk before. She has gone out for a couple drinks with friends since she turned 21, but she found out she doesn’t really like the taste of alcohol, and doesn’t think she’ll like the feeling of being drunk and not being in complete control over her own actions, so she doesn’t really want to ever get drunk. However, based on how she acts when she takes cold medicine when she’s sick, she thinks she’ll probably be a confused and sleepy drunk.

-Job/Profession: She currently works part-time at a local independent coffee shop while she works on getting her degree. She has just started on her Master of Library and Information Science (MLIS) 2-year degree, after having just completed her Bachelor of Arts in English 4-year degree, as she wants to be a librarian at the local public library. This is because growing up, she often visited the local public library, as she was a shy child and loved to read, making the library the perfect place for her to spend her time. She also loved attending the “Storytime” program, which is a program where the librarian reads children’s stories for the local children at the same time every day after school. After graduating high school, she realized that the library and its “Storytime” program hold a special place in her heart and that she would like to work there, so she started working on her degree.

-Goals/Motivation: Her more immediate goal is to graduate with her MLIS degree so she can start working in her local public library. Her motivation for that is so that she can create the same safe and fun learning environment for today’s children that the library and its “Storytime” program created for her growing up. Her more long-term goal is to find a guy that can make her laugh and can make her feel comfortable enough to not be shy around him. Her motivation for that is from her best friend Maddie telling her that she needs to find someone more outgoing that can make her come out of her shell. She figures that finding someone more funny and outgoing would help to balance her out and lead to a more happy, fulfilled life.

-Fears: She fears that her shyness will hold her back in life and make her miss opportunities. She fears it will stop her from following her dreams, and also from putting herself out there enough to find a significant other. She works hard to push herself outside of her comfort zone to be able keep chasing after happiness and new opportunities.

-Nervous Habit: When she gets nervous or worried, she gets very quiet and still and starts to overthink about whatever’s happening. She’ll also start to bite her lip and furrow her eyebrows as well.

-Best Friend: A 21-year-old white girl, mostly of Western European descent, named Madeline Caldwell, but everyone calls her Maddie. They’ve known each other for as long as they can remember, as their parents were friends since before they were born. They grew up together as best friends, and now live together in an off-campus apartment near UCLA while they get their degrees. They both plan to graduate in 2 more years for a total of 6 years spent, because Anna already got her BA in English and is working on her 2-year MLIS degree, and Maddie changed her major from Nursing to Education which caused her to have to take 2 more years to catch up on all the credits needed to get her BA in Education.

-Additional Fact: She loves movies, and frequently makes time to go watch the new ones in theaters when they come out, or finds the older ones online through various streaming services. She likes almost all the genres, but her favorites are action, drama, and thriller. She also likes romance, musicals, and animated movies, but doesn’t really like to watch horror and gore most of the time, as she scares and gets grossed out easily.

-Random Trivia:

Her favorite color is pink; she also likes purple. She prefers the pastel shades of colors.

She is right-handed.

She is a light sleeper, and will wake up from most sounds, except the quieter ones. She's found that she usually wakes up when someone tries to enter into or move around her bedroom, unless they are very quiet.

Her preferred sleeping position is on her side in a loose fetal position, with both legs bent up and both arms tucked in close to her chest.

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abroadeducation · 6 years

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Study in Singapore – Survival Tips and Tricks for Indian Students

Many students from India are opting to study in Singapore, and the reason is not hard to find. The country’s proximity to India, an education system that is on par with the west but is far easier on the pocket, modern infrastructure, good governance, and well-regulated traffic, all make Singapore an ideal location for students not just from India but the rest of the worlds as well.

A student who chooses to STUDY ABROAD has to learn a few survival tips and tricks that she needs to learn in order to adjust well to the new culture and make the most of her time abroad, and Singapore is no different. As the famous author, Elizabeth Gilbert said, every city has its own word, that is a part of its philosophy, the words for Singapore can be taken as rules and efficiency. Singapore has a far greater number of rules than India, and rules are strictly followed. It is important to understand the culture of and take the necessary precautions when you study in Singapore

Rules for Students Who Study In Singapore

1. You Will Need To Buy Medical Insurance

International Students are required to pay for medical insurance from their own pocket as Singapore does not have a single payer health care system. You can choose from various options and decide about how many extra covers you want to add to your insurance. Its best to choose an option that is likely to cover all estimated medical bills for common ailments as well as any major illness or injury.

2. Beware Of Mosquitoes

If you think you have escaped the mosquito menace when you STUDY IN SINGAPORE, we are sorry to disappoint you. Singapore has been facing a number of outbreaks related to mosquito-borne diseases such as dengue and chikungunya. You will need to take the same precautions against mosquitos that you take back home, such as wearing clothes that cover you completely and applying mosquito repellent

3. Stay Safe from the Smog

Singapore is known as one of the cleanest and greenest cities in the world, however even it has not escaped from the effects of pollution. Especially in the months between June and October every year, pollution levels are at their highest as the cities skies are enveloped in a thick layer of haze. You will need to take the necessary precautions and follow the advice given by the government of Singapore.

4. Curb Your Temptation to Paint Graffiti

The ‘josh’ of students when it comes to burning issues is quite well-known throughout the world, and it is quite possible that you may find yourself empathizing deeply with a local issue and may choose to express yourself through graffiti, while you study in Singapore, but be warned the country has some very draconian laws against writing graffiti on walls. Doing any of these things can be punished with judicial caning, which is also the punishment used when you overstay your visa.

5. Don’t Drink and Drive

The offence of drinking and driving is taken very seriously in Singapore and is punished with 10 years prison sentence. If you are planning to go out for drinks with friends then make sure that you assign a designated driver in your group, or better still take a cab.

6. Stay Away From Chewing Gum

It’s strange but true, chewing gum is banned in the country, if you are caught chewing gum while you you may end up paying a hefty fine. So it’s best to curb the habit, while you study in Singapore.

if you follow the rules prescribed by the government and take the necessary precautions, Singapore can be a great place to study,

Read more about below links:

Seeking overseas education in Singapore? Here’s a handy guide to studying in Singapore

Study in Singapore at NTU –The best university for tech in Asia

Study in Singapore - Essential Points you need to know

Check the below Videos:

youtube

#study in Singapore #education consultant singapore

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prfm-uk · 7 years

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Get to Know Me Uncomfortably Well (Filled Out)

@southeastasyano wanted me to completely fill out these 100 questions and a bonus one, and an anonymous asker wanted me to answer just a few. So here ya go! Go on and stalk me, young ones.

For the questions below the cut, I tag: @southeastasyano, @fukigen-na-boy, @prfm-au, @prfm-us, @housekinoame, @cosmog-explorer, @jenmarii, @chrism-sol, @p-r-f-m, @securitylucy, @a-chan-san and @jeffhardys!

What is your middle name? I never use it on my passports or regularly, but I do have a middle name. But I don’t wanna say it >///<

How old are you? I am currently 17 years old!

When is your birthday? June 24th!

What is your zodiac sign? Cancer (yes, I’m that mentally unstable b*tch)

What is your favorite color? Green all the f*cking way!!

What’s your lucky number? 3

Do you have any pets? I had two fish, but they died when I was 11 :’(

Where are you from? While I was born in London, United Kingdom, my family originates from Sri Lanka

How tall are you? I am 6 foot 1 inch.

What shoe size are you? I am only UK size 7.

How many pairs of shoes do you own? I own only five pairs of shoes.

What was your last dream about? It was a dream in which my best friend committed suicide... Yeah, it was grim, and was more of a nightmare :(

What talents do you have? I am pretty good when it comes to learning foreign languages, and I play piano maybe kinda semi-decently well? I can also do that thing where I can show the red bit inside my eyes, and I can fit my whole fist in my mouth.

Are you psychic in any way? Ask @prfm-us

Favourite song? ‘New Americana’ by Halsey or ‘I Know Places’ by Taylor Swift or ‘Warm Blood’ by Carly Rae Jepsen...

Favourite movie? It would have to be ‘The Emoji Movie’

Who would be your ideal partner? James Wright <3 Well, he is my bf so, um, yay?

Do you want children? Yup, I’d love to see my kid go through life and me be like “ha, I remember when I went through that shizz”

Do you want a church wedding? Well, I’m a Buddhist and I don’t know how they do weddings, so I guess I’d be fine with a civil ceremony of sorts..?

Are you religious? Not at all, and I’m not really sad about it either.

Have you ever been to the hospital? So many f*cking times, honestly. Some weren’t as bad, whereas there is one in particular that will always be my worst ever day alive.

Have you ever got in trouble with the law? Nope, I’m pretty submissive with the law, I’m too scared of punishment haha

Have you ever met any celebrities? When I was in primary school, I was chosen to go meet the Queen and that was pretty cool. We gave her like this bouquet of flowers and she didn’t seem very appreciative. (Just kidding, I love you, Lizzie)

Baths or showers? I prefer baths, but I always have showers because otherwise I might never come out.

What colour socks are you wearing? I’m wearing black socks which say “Thursday” in green font. And yes, it is Thursday where I am, my OCD is too much.

Have you ever been famous? Well, Kyary tweeted my video once and I f*cking YELLED, but no, I’m pretty irrelevant!

Would you like to be a big celebrity? No haha, I wouldn’t be able to handle that much attention to be honest.

What type of music do you like? Electropop, I guess is what it is. I also like modern 80s pop (does that make sense) and also EDM.

Have you ever been skinny dipping? No, haha, I think that just isn’t a very common thing in Britain.

How many pillows do you sleep with? Just one, under my head.

What position do you usually sleep in? I sleep like a fetus does in the womb. Enjoy that mental image.

How big is your house? 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms. Not amazing, but my family is somewhat well-off.

What do you typically have for breakfast? Basic cereal, generally.

Have you ever fired a gun? Yup, I spent a short while in my school’s combined cadet force before deciding that it wasn’t for me.

Have you ever tried archery? No, I think I have terrible hand-eye co-ordination anyway haha

Favorite clean word? If you mean normal, random word, then my favourite is kumquat.

Favorite swear word? My favourite swear word on it’s own is c*nt because I love how it rolls off the tongue, it just sounds like pure spite. In an insult, definitely f*cknut or f*cktard is a common resort for me.

What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep? 4 days, powered by a coffee each day. And I wasn’t even tired, people basically forced me to have coffee.

Do you have any scars? I have one on my leg from a surgery where they put a metal screw in my hip to make sure that it grew straight (well I didn’t turn out straight, but my leg did). Also, I still have a few old ones on my thighs and wrists...

Have you ever had a secret admirer? Ahahahahahaha, as if anyone would go to that effort over someone like me.

Are you a good liar? If I do say so myself, yes, I am. Or was I lying there?!?!?!?!

Are you a good judge of character? Ask @prfm-us

Can you do any other accents other than your own? I can do an LA valley accent..?

Do you have a strong accent? I have a strong British accent, and then I have a semi-strong Essex accent layered on top, so words like “fam” and “lit” just sneak their way into my speech.

What is your favourite accent? Canadian and Australian are my favs!!

What is your personality type? Unstable, but caring..? <3

What is your most expensive piece of clothing? I have a £45 tie that someone gave me as a bday gift. Yes, I don’t get spending tons on clothes...

Can you curl your tongue? I can do it into a U shape and that weird W shape thingy.

Are you an innie or an outie? Innie. Is this really helpful information to you?

Left or right handed? Right handed!

Are you scared of spiders? DON’T GET ME STARTED. I get terrified of the world’s smalliest spiders and I will legit scream and chuck my phone across the room and everyone else will just be confused.

Favorite food? Profiteroles..?

Favorite foreign food? Um, maybe, poutine? Tim Horton’s? Basically I love Canada.

Are you a clean or messy person? Clean, always clean. I cannot function in a messy environment.

Most used phrase? “I put the SAD in Social Anxiety Disorder”. Yes, I am too real sometimes.

Most used word? Well, it’s probably “the”, “a” or “lopsided”

How long does it take for you to get ready? Literally around ten minutes.

Do you have much of an ego? I mean, I don’t have a shred of self-confidence, so no..?

Do you suck or bite lollipops? I don’t know what this shows about my gay self, but I suck... yeah.

Do you talk to yourself? When I’m intensely lonely or need to calm myself down.

Do you sing to yourself? All the time. I cannot listen to any music without dancing and/or singing to it.

Are you a good singer? Hell no!

Biggest fear? Losing those who are closest to me. Oh, and f*cking spiders.

Are you a gossip? Nope, I guess i’m just not in that circle.

Best dramatic movie you’ve seen? I can’t name the best I’ve ever watched, but I recently watched a British-made film called “I, Daniel Blake” and I really liked it.

Do you like long or short hair? Short hair.

Can you name all 50 states of America? No, I’m British.

Favourite school subject? German or Physics!

Extrovert or Introvert? Introvert 100%

Have you ever been scuba diving? Yup, I’ve been in Sri Lanka

What makes you nervous? The dark and silence.

Are you scared of the dark? Oh, I just accidentally answered that. Yes, I am.

Do you correct people when they make mistakes? Only when it’s appropriate, I don’t want to bother people!

Are you ticklish? VERY ticklish! If you touch my neck, I’ll be on the floor in a few seconds.

Have you ever started a rumour? No haha I’d get baited out so quickly.

Have you ever been in a position of authority? I was an editor for my school newspaper? I mean, it wasn’t that thrilling at all

Have you ever drank underage? In the UK, the legal drinking age is 18, I’m 17, and although I’ve never gotten hammered or drunk vodka and stuff like that, I have had very light alcohol for the taste!

Have you ever done drugs? God no, and I intend never to!

Who was your first real crush? Ugh, it seems so immature when I see it now, but there was this cute guy called Josh in my class who kept paying so much attention to me, so I asked him out, and he was like “How’d you know I was gay? Oh, and I’m not interested”. Yeah, I cried that night haha

How many piercings do you have? None!

Can you roll your ‘R’s? I can <3

How fast can you type? Around 75 words-per-minute (I used an online typing test just now!)

How fast can you run? I think I run pretty slow! In school, I was just average, in the middle, but I’m not going to be winning any fun-runs :P

What colour is your hair? Jet black, but any other colour would look out out place on my brown skin :D

What colour are your eyes? A relatively dark brown, but they are still visibly brown in the sun.

What are you allergic to? Nothing, as far as I know :)

Do you keep a journal? I keep a kinda mood tracking thingamajig through an app called ‘Pacifica’. It’s great for anyone tackling stress or any mental disorders such as depression, anxiety, bipolar, etc. But other than that, I don’t keep a journal as such, no.

What do your parents do? My father is a physiotherapist, and my mother is a fraud investigator; she works for the government to find people who are illegally claiming benefits.

Do you like your age? No, because it’s too ‘in the middle’! If I was below the age of 14, I’d be able to relax and be pretty carefree, and if I was above the age of, say 25, I wouldn’t be studying random crap that will never come up in the future and will actually be doing worthwhile things. Instead, I’m 17 and I need to study stuff that won’t come up even in my degree, and it’s almost impossible to find motivation right now.

What makes you angry? People making mistakes when I literally warned them not to; they were just that f*cking ignorant.

Do you like your own name? Some people know, but no, I don’t like my name. I feel like it just sounds a weird, so whenever I tell someone my name, I always include some disclaimer like ‘Oh, it’s a weird Asian name’.

Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they? Nope, I haven’t thought of any! I mean, unless I name my kids Dan and Phil...

Do you want a boy a girl for a child? Call me sexist, but I want a boy!

What are you strengths? I can fit my whole fist in my mouth, and I’m pretty good at languages.

What are your weaknesses? I’m quite sensitive and sometimes I get carried away with jokes.

How did you get your name? Well, my parents called over some kinda psychic name-giver as soon as I was born, and they’d use my star sign, read my palm and use God knows whatever info they could make up, and then name me based on it. That gave me ‘Yasath’, which I’m pretty sure means ‘treasure’ or something.

Were your ancestors royalty? No, but they were pretty high up in government jobs :]

Do you have any scars? That’s Question 39, so just refer back to that :3

Colour of your bedspread? It is white and brown. Hey, it’s like me! Sorry, bad joke.

Colour of your room? It has generic, textured cream (I think) wallpaper.

Does it ever get better? I like to think so, and it’s usually the only shred of hope I have left. But if you think it will never get better, then it won’t ever get better, because you won’t let it get better! So yeah, just have that small light at the end of the tunnel in mind whenever you’re starting to lose hope in yourself <3

Jeeeeeeez, that was long! I hope someone enjoyed that at least haha

#me #random facts #stalk #tag #filled out #prfmuk tags #sorry it's so long!#that's what she said

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shebe67 · 8 years

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A Weekend In Paris

Five months have passed since New Year's Eve on the roof. The group of friends had been so happy since then. Farkle was overjoyed to be with Smackle again even if it was long distance. In a couple of days that distance would be no more. He would be in Australia with his beloved and they could pick up where they left off the day she had left for Australia. Video chats and late night phone calls were ok, but nothing could compare to the moment he would see her in person for the first time in months. Everyone had come with him to the airport and he was glad they did. He knew he would miss a lot while he was gone but would see them at the end of the year. They all had plans for the summer. Plans that didn't really include the group as a whole. Maya and Josh would be spending the summer in Philly with his family. Zay and Sara would be staying in the city, as Zay was doing some summer theater and Sara was working. Riley and Lucas would be spending the summer in Texas and Lucas had some big plans for Riley. Lucas had mentioned his plans to Farkle and he couldn't be happier for them. Riley was about to have a summer she would never forget.

Chapter 4

Chapters 1(X) 2(X) 3(X)

Posted to fanfiction.net (X)

Sunday, June 4, 2023 at the apartment of Cory and Topanga Matthews

Everyone was gathered at the Matthew’s apartment and enjoying the dinner Topanga had fixed. They had moved the table into the living room and brought another table in from their basement storage. Cory was sitting in his usual spot at the head of the table, to his right was Topanga and Auggie with Ava. To his left was Riley and Lucas. Next to Lucas was Zay and Sara, with Maya’s mother next to them. Josh was sitting next to Auggie with Maya to his right and at the other end of the table was Shawn.

Topanga loved nothing more than seeing everyone eating and enjoying the company of those around them. She knew that all too soon meal times would be just her and Cory with Auggie and the occasional visit from Ava. The apartment would be too quiet. She would have to find some way to occupy herself after the girls and Lucas and Josh were gone for the summer. Cory and Auggie had plans for evenings of baseball and whatever else they could find to watch on that big screen TV down in Josh and Lucas’ apartment. Maybe she would actually be able to enjoy a book. Maybe Lucas would take her up on her offer to help with proposal ideas. Maybe she could spend some time with Ava. Whatever the summer held for her she looked forward to a trip to Philly and Texas the most.

After everyone was done eating, the fellas all cleaned up the dishes and moved the tables out of the way and the ladies all sat in the living room and chatted about everything from fashion to the latest celebrity gossip. Once the dishes were done and the guys joined them, Topanga realized they had forgotten about dessert. “Who wants chocolate cake? I almost forgot we had it.”

Zay was the first to answer, “Chocolate cake? Count me in. I need me a piece of Topanga’s triple layer, triple chocolate cake.”

Sara nudged him in the arm, “Is food all you think about? We’re sitting here with your best friends and this is the last time you’ll see them for the next 3 months. Aren’t you at least a little sad about that?”

Zay thought about what she said for a moment and said, “Yea, that’s why I need cake. I’m so upset the only thing that will help me through it is chocolate cake. Besides, I have all summer to spend with you my wonderful, sweet and beautiful girlfriend.”

She blushed a little and asked, “How do you do that? You make me go from laughing at you, to wanting to kiss you with one sentence.”

Zay just laughed and said, “It’s the Babineaux charm, baby. We keep our woman on their toes.”

Riley was helping her mother plate the pieces of chocolate cake and Lucas was talking baseball with Auggie, Shawn and Cory. Katy was delivering plates of cake to everyone. Ava had to leave just after dinner. Maya and Josh were both sitting in the chair across from the couch engrossed in their own conversation.

“So, are you going to keep Riley out long enough for me to confront Lucas?” Josh asked a very reluctant Maya.

“Why are you so determined to do this? Let them have some time alone together. They’re always surrounded by family or friends. Lucas is one of your best friends and you know that he respects Matthews way too much to do anything. They honestly just sleep when he comes up here. Maya explained. She didn’t understand why Josh just couldn’t let Riley and Lucas have their little secret about the fire escape.

“I honestly don’t care that he sneaks up here but, the guy is up to something and as Riley’s uncle and Lucas’ friend I want to know. You can sure bet that Zay and Farkle know.” Josh said, sounding just a little jealous.

“Oh Boing! You’re jealous that he still chooses to tell Zay and Farkle everything. Meanwhile, your left in the dark trying to figure things out for yourself. Is that it, Josh?” Maya teased.

“Yes!” He answered a little too loudly. He got the attention of Lucas, Cory and Shawn that time. He took a deep breath and looked up at the ceiling, “Yes. I am a little jealous,” he said in a much quieter voice. “I tell you what, if you do this little thing for me and if I can get Lucas to tell me what’s going on, I’ll tell you. What do you say?” Josh held out his hand for her to shake.

Maya just stared at his hand for a moment, contemplating the deal. She finally took his hand and shook it, “Deal,” she says. ‘But just don’t push him too hard and for God sakes don’t scare him to death. If you do, he may just up and leave for Texas without Riley.”

“I promise, I will be on my best behavior.” Josh crossed his heart and smiled. He leaned over to kiss Maya and thank her for helping him.

Maya and Riley were going to spend some time together after everyone left. She knew Riley would want to be back by 10. That’s when Lucas was supposed to meet her in the bay window. She planned to keep Riley away at least until 11. That should give Josh plenty of time to interrogate Lucas. After dessert, Lucas excused himself saying he had to finish packing and to spend a little time with Zay, as well. Zay and Sara left with him. Josh stayed around to spend a little time with Cory and Auggie. He would then quietly go to Riley’s room to wait for Lucas.

Josh and Aggie spent the next half hour or so talking about baseball. Cory and Topanga had decided to call it a night. At 9:30 Auggie’s phone started ringing. Auggie answered and turned to Josh and said, “Sorry, Josh, it’s the wife, gotta take this. Lock up on your way out, please. Good night.” With that Auggie headed up the steps and down the hall to his room, leaving Josh alone. He turned the lights off and locked the door. He took his shoes off so he wouldn’t disturb anyone. He reached Riley’s old room and went in, closing the door quietly behind him. He tiptoed over to the bay window and unlocked it. He took his phone out and texted Maya that he was in Riley’s room and would text her when he was done.

Maya and Riley had returned to their loft to make sure Riley hadn’t forgotten anything she might need for her trip and then they went to this cool little juice bar near their loft. Riley kept checking her phone for the time and about 9:30 she started getting antsy. “Maya, can you please finish your juice, I really need to head back to my parents.”

“Riles, calm down. This is our last time to see each other until August. Can’t we just have a little longer?” Maya asked.

Riley always had a hard time saying no to Maya, “Okay, peaches, just a little while longer, then I really have to go.”

Maya suggested the two walk back to the Matthews apartment. She knew this should kill more time and give Josh the extra time he needed to talk to Lucas.

Lucas had finished packing his things and had carried his bags into the living room of his apartment. He had already said his good byes to Zay. He and Sara had left about 10 minutes ago. It was now 9:50. He went to change from the jeans and button down shirt he was wearing into a pair of shorts and a t-shirt that would be more comfortable to sleep in. Since Josh had never returned to the apartment, Lucas figured it would be safe to head on up to the bay window. He opened his own bedroom window and closed it. As he started to head up the fire escape, Lucas realized he had forgotten something very important, or rather someone. There was no way he would be able to propose to Riley without getting Maya’s blessing, along with the Matthews. Before he started his climb, he sent Maya a text asking her if she could meet him in his apartment at 11:00 tonight, he knew it wouldn’t take Riley long to fall asleep so he would head back down the fire escape and meet with Maya. It didn’t take her but a minute to respond. He chuckled when he read her reply, “This better be good Huckleberry. A girl needs her beauty sleep ya know. Yes, I will meet you at your place @11.” He replied a with a thank you and that he promised he wouldn’t keep her long.

After he texted Maya, he headed up the fire escape. Once he got to the bay window, he thought it odd that the lights were off in Riley’s room, she never turned the lights off until after he got there. He raised the window, glad it was unlocked, he climbed through the window not seeing Riley, maybe she was still in the bathroom. He turned to close the window and sat on the window seat. Maybe he should turn on a light, as he headed to the light switch by the door he heard the creak of the closet door, maybe she was in there changing clothes. “Riley, babe is that you?” he asked. There was no response. “Riley, baby, it’s me Lucas. What are you doing?” Still no response. That’s when he decided to turn on a lamp that was on the desk that Topanga used when she worked form home. After he turned on the light, he walked over to the closet door and put his hand on the knob to open it. Just as he did he could feel someone pushing the door open. Lucas stood back. To his surprise, it wasn’t Riley he saw come out of the closet, it was Josh Matthews. Startled, Lucas said, “Hey Josh, what are you doing here?”

Josh just stared at Lucas, trying to be mad at his friend, he said, “I could ask you the same thing, Lucas, honey. Riley is staying here tonight and you shouldn’t be here, unless there’s something you want to tell me.”

Lucas trying to feign innocence, looked Josh in the eye and said, “Well, I had been calling and texting Riley and decided to come up here and check on her because she wasn’t answering. I got worried. What are you doing here? I thought you and Maya were out together.”

Josh struggling to keep a straight face, looked at Lucas and told him, “No, Maya wanted to spend a little more time with Riley tonight before you guys fly out in the morning. I’m here to talk to you?”

“What, why are you waiting up here to talk to me. My room is in our apartment downstairs.” Lucas told Josh. He was still trying to keep up his act, but was cracking fast.

“I know your little secret Lucas.” Josh said with an accusatory tone in his voice.

“What secret? I have no secrets.” Lucas answered. He thought maybe Josh had seen the ring and figured out he was going to propose to Riley.

“Your full of secrets, Howdy. I know about your little trips up the fire escape back between Christmas and New Year’s, when Riley was staying here when her parents were away.” Josh explained, still not cracking a smile. He was rather proud of himself. “I know you were spending the nights up here with my niece!”

Lucas was surprised and at a loss for words, “It’s not what you think, Josh. I would nev- “

“I don’t want to hear your excuses, cowboy.” Josh was trying to be quiet and not raise his voice. It was at this point he let a smile crack. “How could you disrespect Riley like that, and my brother. I just have no words for how upset I am with you right now.” He turned away from Lucas so he couldn’t see him full on smiling right now.

Lucas felt horrible, he had to make sure Josh knew that he would never do anything to disrespect Riley or her parents. “Josh, you have to know that I would never disrespect Riley, I love her and would never do something that would hurt her reputation or that of the Matthews.” Lucas said apologetically. He walked around to get Josh to look at him in the eyes. He couldn’t understand why Josh was smiling at him though when he finally could see his face. “What’s going on Josh? What do you find so funny?”

“I’m sorry, man. I had this whole speech planned and I just can’t do it. Look, I found out about the fire escape after the New Year’s Eve party. I don’t care. I know that you love and respect Riley and that you would never hurt her. I just wanted to make you think I was upset.”

“Seriously, dude, that wasn’t cool. I thought I had upset one of my best friends. I would never do that to you.” Lucas was relieved that Josh was just messing with him.

“Well see, I am a little upset with you, but not about the fire escape thing dude.” Josh admitted to Lucas.

“Wait, what are you upset about then?” Lucas was so confused.

Josh turned to the bay window and motioned for Lucas to sit down. “I’m sorry, Lucas. I cooked up this whole thing with Maya and I just wanted to make you think I was upset about the fire escape thing and what’s really bugging me is that I know you’re keeping something from me and I think Zay and Farkle know and I thought we were close, man. When I came into your room earlier today, you were looking at something and you hid it from me. You wouldn’t tell me what it was and I just got upset when I figured Zay and Turtleneck knew so, yea. I guess I’m a bit jealous of them. You did just say I was one of your best friends, well your one of mine and I can keep secrets too.”

Lucas smiled at Josh and asked, “Can you keep a secret from Maya though? I was going to tell her in the morning before we left so she wouldn’t get a chance to say anything to Riley. If I tell you, you have to promise to let me tell Maya. I’m supposed to meet her at 11 downstairs, I didn’t feel right not telling her, and you.”

Josh looked at his watch and saw that is was 10:15. “If you are going to tell Maya tonight then yes, I can keep a secret for 45 minutes.”

Lucas got up and walked over to the foot of the bed where he had dropped his back pack when he came in the room. He opened the zipper pocket on the front and pulled out the red ring box that was there. He walked back over to the bay window, took his seat. “This is what I was looking at today when you came into my room.” He handed Josh the box. Josh just looked at Lucas with a smile in his face. “Go ahead, open it.”

Josh looked at the red box in his hand and back at Lucas with a smile, “Is this what I think it is?”

“You won’t know until you open it.” Lucas said

Josh turned the box in his hand and finally opened it. The smile on his face just got bigger. “Lucas, this is beautiful. When did you get it?”

“It was my grandmother’s ring. I have the wedding band as well, that’s at my parents in their safe. My grandfather gave it to me when I was in Texas for Thanksgiving. I’m going to propose to Riley while we’re in Texas this summer. I already have her parents blessing, I just have one more person to ask.” Lucas said.

“Aww…it’s cool that you think you need to ask my blessing, but you don’t need to do that. You already have it anyway. My niece is very lucky to have you.” Josh said jokingly.

“Ha ha, very funny! It’s not you I need to ask.” Lucas laughed. Josh handed him the ring box.

“Oh, Maya! Yea, that would be a good idea. I don’t think you have to worry about her saying no. She actually tried to stop me from doing this tonight,” Josh informed him. “She said I should just let the two of you have your alone time. I’m sorry man. I was just being dumb.”

“It’s okay, Josh. I get it.” Lucas smiled at Josh. “I do have a question for you though. Once Riley and I get married, I don’t have to call you Uncle Josh, do I?”

Josh laughed at his roommate, “No, dude, you don’t have to call me Uncle Josh. Josh’s phone dinged with a message notification. He pulled out his phone and opened the message, it was Maya letting him know that she and Riley were almost there. He looked at Lucas who also had his phone out. “The girls are almost here. Why don’t you go on back down to our apartment and I’ll keep Riley company while you talk with Maya.”

“Thanks, Josh. I appreciate it. Tell Riley I’ll be here soon.” Lucas said as he stood and opened the window.

Lucas climbed back down the fire escape and just as he was closing his window he heard a knock at the door. He headed down the hall and into the living room. Once he opened the door he was greeted with a scowl on Maya’s face. As she was walking in she informed him, “This better be good, Huckleberry. It’s been a long day and I’m tired.” She waited for him to close the door and headed to the sofa to sit.

“Maya, thanks for coming by on such short notice. I know you’re tired, but I need to ask you something. It’s kind of important”. Lucas said with a smile on his face.

She looked at him, waiting for him to speak. She knew what was coming. Zay had let it spill a few days ago, Maya had been waiting for this conversation ever since. She understood that Lucas was afraid she would say something to Riley. This was one surprise she would never ruin for Riley. “Speak, Lucas!”

He sat there pulling on the hem of his shorts, he was suddenly nervous. “Well, I just need to ask you for your blessing. I want to propose to Riley in Texas this summer. I already have her parents blessing, I know that Auggie approves, so I just need to know that you approve.”

Maya’s look of pure boredom gave way to a smile. “It’s about time, Ranger Rick. Zay told me a week ago that you were planning and I got wind that you were meeting with Cory and Topanga.” She told him. “I was just waiting for my turn. You know I would never ruin a surprise for Riley, right?”

“Zay told you? I basically had to threaten his life and he told you, anyway. Geez!” Lucas couldn’t believe it.

“Are you really so surprised, Huckleberry? This is Zay we’re talking about. The guy never has been able to keep a secret. You know he told Sara, too.” Maya informed him.

“Yea, I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. He’ll never change, no matter how many ways I threaten to hurt him.” Lucas laughed.

“So, you’re really going to propose to her? I guess you have a ring?” Maya asked.

“Yes, I have a ring.” He took the ring box from his pocket and handed it to her, “What do you think, is it good enough?”

Maya opened the box and felt herself start to tear up. The ring was beautiful and was perfect for Riley, just like Lucas. “Wow, it’s beautiful Lucas. She’ll love it. Hey, is this the same box you gave her the jellybean in?”

“Yea, that was Topanga’s idea. So, does the fact that you think Riley will love the ring, mean I have your blessing?” he asked, his voice filled with emotion.

She closed the ring box and grabbed Lucas’ hand and placed the ring box in his palm. She closed his hand around the box with her own hand. She kept her hand there for a few seconds. “You’ve always had my blessing, Lucas. You are perfect for Riley and she is perfect for you.” Maya let go of his hand and held her arms out for a hug.

Lucas accepted her hug and said, “Thank you, Maya. Your blessing means more than you can know.” He let go of her and stood, “I’m going to go on up to Riley’s room. You know, if you’re too tired to get home, you can sleep in my room tonight. There are sheets and blankets in the hall closet.

“Thanks, Huckleberry, think I will. Now can you get out of here and send my man back down here, I may be up for a little snuggling of my own tonight.” She laughed.

Lucas opened the window and headed back up to the bay window. Riley smiled at the sight of him coming through the window. Josh told them both good night. “Hey, Josh. I left a little something down there for you.” Lucas grinned slyly as he told Josh.

Josh just grinned and headed down the fire escape. Riley stood and held her arms open for Lucas. “Hey babe. What did you need to see Maya about?”

“Nothing, Riley. I just needed to ask her a question, which she answered.” Lucas gathered her to him.

“That’s not cryptic at all, Friar.” Riley said as she returned his embrace.

“All in good time, my love. Let’s get some sleep. Tomorrow is a long day.” He held her for a moment longer, not wanting to let her go.”

They got in bed and Riley turned off the lamp on the night stand. It took them all of five minutes to fall asleep. In the morning, they would head to the airport for their flight to Texas and the start of a memorable summer.

#weekend in paris #rucas #rucas fanfic #sheila's fic #riley matthews #lucas friar

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tillyswatson-blog · 5 years

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lewiselder · 6 years

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lewis vs kids

like the world’s foremost degenerative gambler once said, “i’m back.” but enough about michael jordan. holy shit. it’s been almost a year since my last post. the thing is, nothing arm-related has happened to me in that time.

HAHAHAHA *laughing trails off*

i’m playing. i’ve just been slacking. how have you guys been? i hope you’ve been good! or, well, i hope at least medium.

man, a lot has happened in the in-between. i have a different job. i’m still in austin but moving in a couple weeks. i’ve bought shoes. i’ve sold shoes. i’ve started eating oranges. a lot has also stayed the same. i still don’t own a pair of jeans. i’m still not wearing no fucking button up shirts. still doing anxiety ridden push ups at 3am. still laying in bed every night googling pictures of doughnuts. such is life.

there are a bunch of stories i still need/want to tell you. i keep a rolling tab in my phone and we’ve knocked out 4 of 19. today we’re going to ease back into things with 2 short stories with one overlapping theme: kids. did my title give it away?

kids! everybody fuckin loves kids. kids kids kids. so nice! so sweet! so pure! may god in his all knowing, arm designing wisdom bless the youths.

i like kids.

however.

kids don’t have filters. this is one of the reasons you cornballs love them. this is one of the reasons i’m still a little more on the fence. obvious physical disfigurements and young, full of wonder children are a volatile mix. we’re going to do 2 real quick stories, one from the past and one from the present, to demonstrate. let’s get weird.

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#1 - AHHHHHHH!

my junior year of college i pledged Phi Beta Sigma. part of the, uh, joining process (Phi Beta Sigma is a non-hazing organization) was volunteering at the local Boys and Girls club where an older Sigma brother worked as a director (shout out Josh!). face value, this is a pretty sweet deal. volunteering is good, kids are cool, and this was certainly a welcomed reprieve from the rest of the joining process.

however. (this the same however from before ^ good dude, but moves around a lot)

like i may have mentioned, i have a disfigured left arm. me and my disfigured left arm (and my 4 line brothers) took the bus out to the Boys and Girls club for our first session. mind you, this is wisconsin in like, february, so we’re all in multiple layers of coats and hoodies and all that shit.

so, we get there, meet up with Josh, get shown around, meet some kids, yadda yadda. now, at this point we’re starting to step into a very nuanced part of my life. one of the reasons i don’t like wearing layers of clothing, or jackets, or button ups, is because i’m not a goofy cornball, but also because long sleeves often mean my left arm is covered and more or less camouflaged. this means i enter some place and the other humans in that place see me and process my existence as one thing. then, i have to go through the fucking shit awful experience of removing the camouflage and re-presenting myself as far from that original thing. people’s responses vary from really shocked to really fucking shocked (they don’t vary). this sucks 1000% of the time. actually one of my biggest arm stories is about this exactly. we’ll get there another day.

ANYWAY, we start hanging out with some of the kids to get to know them. eventually i get hot (shout out all my fellow thicc n sweaty folx). i make the decision to remove my camouflage. i take my jacket off and almost immediately this young boy, probably around like idk 10?, we were playing ping pong with let’s out a shout.

AHHHHHHH!

him: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOUR ARM?

me: ahhhhh yeahhhhh it’s a birth defect man. i was born with it

him: (again) AHHHHHHH!

me: hmmmmm

him: AHHHHHHH! YO PUT IT AWAY

me: this is fun

him: OH MY GOD YO PUT IT AWAY PLEEEEEASE PUT IT AWAY PUTITAWAYPLEASEPUTITAWAY

me: well shit

i tried to talk with dude but he was pretty out of pocket and was not listening. i eventually just put my jacket back on. i did not go back for the next volunteering session lol.

#2 - Shhhh, Katy STOP

this one’s from a few weeks ago. it’s a lot less outrageous than the previous story, but it will bring up an interesting point.

i was at a coffee shop near my crib on a saturday afternoon. this is april in austin, tx (the kissing dogs in the mouth capital of america) so no jacket camouflage for lewis.

i’m sitting next to a mom and her daughter. the daughter quickly notices that i’m wearing very rare raging bull 5s. she asks me how much i got them for. i tell her $260 shipped in vnds condition! she says no fucking way dude great pick up. we do a mid-air high five while throw some d’s blasts in the background, shout out rich boy. always shout out rich boy.

the end!

ok. maybe that’s not exactly what happened.

maybe she noticed my arm and backed away. maybe she started whispering to her mom. maybe i heard her say,

“what’s wrong with his arm??? does it hurt??? do you think he’s mad???”

i remember the mad one made me lol. i’m more mad that every day people choose to wear birkenstocks but yeah, 6 of one, half dozen of the other.

her mom, more conscious of the fact they were 30 inches from the man they were talking about than the daughter was, was beginning to hit a state of suppressed panic. i couldn’t hear all of what they were saying, but the mom was desperately trying to get her to be quiet. eventually culminating with a louder than intended,

“Shhhh, Katy STOP.”

Katy did indeed stop. the mom took a big sigh of relief and a big gulp of coffee. I stared straight ahead thinking about how $260 shipped for raging bull 5s is a fucking lick. a. fucking. lick.

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And that’s it. Important to note that I wasn’t mad at the kids in either story. They’re kids. My arm looks a lot different than theirs do. I get that. I wasn’t thrilled with the first dude, but ah, what are you gonna do. I’ve spent most of my life coping (whether through jokes, fighting, writing, whatever) with the othering that comes with being disfigured/disabled.

I think what I want to end this post on is the question of how do you teach your kids to treat people with disfigurements or disabilities. Seriously, how the fuck. I’m actually asking because I’m really not sure. I’ve seen parents encourage their kids to come right up to me and ask. That’s like, ok, but also pretty presumptuous and kind of bogus. What if I don’t want to talk to you or your sticky handed kid. I (or anyone) should have the right to not be bothered just because you’re curious. I’ve seen parents tell their kids to shut all the way the fuck up. This is fine too. Tbh, I kind of appreciate those parents. Tho, is that just shutting down what could be a developmental moment? I don’t know.

I will tell you that I don’t miss being a kid. I’ll never connect with people who long for the days of their childhood. Being disfigured as a kid is fucking hard. Like, really fucking hard. I have the marks on my hands (and probably the deep-seeded emotional trauma) to prove it. Like an ex-gf’s mom once said to me when meeting her for the first time (she was a physical therapist and somehow noticed this upon shaking hands), “oh you’ve broken a few of your knuckles before, huh?” Life is much better as an adult.

I don’t plan on having kids, but if I did, how would I teach them to treat disabled people? And at what point would they realize their father is different? Will it be when some kids at school start giving them shit about their father with the little arm? Then my burden has become theirs through no fault of their own.

Idk. I don’t have the answers, Sway (2014 was fun, wasn’t it?). Just tell your kids, your little cousins, your friends and family, not to be dicks. I know that’s reductive, but yeah idk man just don’t fucking suck. And try your best to make others around you suck less, too.

Life is weird and stressful but it has doughnuts and cool grey 11s so i think it mostly evens out. Talk to ya’ll soon. Shout out Rich Boy.

*1 free donut if u read this far*

#lewis elder #lewiselder #disability #disabled #st. louis #lewie armstrong #kids #rich boy

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