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seospicybin · 7 months

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TOO HOT TO HANDLE.

PART II

Han x reader. (s)

Too Hot To Handle masterlist

Synopsis: You and Han become contestants in a reality dating show, Too Hot To Handle. (12,7k words)

Author's note: I had so much fun writing Han's season idk why so I hope you enjoy this one too! x

The party is in full swing.

Everyone is dancing and getting friction off each other, having the time of our lives by forgetting that everyone here is locked in this sexless retreat.

Han has his hand around your waist and you look over your shoulder at him, your eyes meet in an intense gaze. Your eyes drop to his teeth faintly biting his lower lips, getting curious of what it would be like to kiss those lips.

You drop your head against his shoulder and he leans in...

The music abruptly stops and the chime comes in. Everyone knows where to go whenever they hear it and off to the cabana we go.

All the fun and euphoria of the party seem to have evaporated once you are seated on the sofa and waiting for the boss lady to come.

The chime comes in again with her cone body flickering in purple-hued lights.

"I've gathered you all to remind you that this retreat is for finding deeper connections, not just physical ones. This information is not getting through to some guests."

As always, you can sit this one out because you haven't broken any rules yet but Lana sounds so mad and that puts you on edge.

"There has been a breach of the rules."

There's a dark cloud casting over everyone's head and you prepare yourself for what's coming, it's most certainly going to get ugly.

Asher reclines in his seat and glances at Gwen next to her, it's obvious that he did it.

"I don't want to say I lost you guys more money but..." Asher is stalling only to prolong the pain.

"Did you guys kiss or not?" Finn simplifies it for them.

Asher and Gwen exchange a look, then after a minute, Asher finally answers, "Yes."

"I thought we're here for the experience—" Gwen's words get cut off by Finn's loud scoff.

Gwen is only here for a day so it's not a surprise that she still has that mindset, that it's okay to break rules and have fun. She hasn't felt the consequences of her actions like the rest of the group.

"This kiss has cost the group $6,000."

"Mmh... brilliant," Sawyer lowly mutters.

"The prize fund now stands at $149,000," Lana announces the current amount of money in the pot.

"That is not all," Lana is not letting anyone breathe yet.

"What?" Nya gasps.

"Last night, there was another breach of the rules."

Last night, everyone behaved nicely but maybe that's just what it seemed to you. Again, you can't control everyone in here because the only one with that power here is Lana.

Mikaela is looking uncomfortable that she keeps playing with her earrings even though nothing is wrong with them. You dare to ask them, "Rio, Mikaela, did you guys kiss?"

Rio is quick to shake his head to deny it while Mikaela keeps quiet next to him.

"I'd rather speak up," Han lets his suggestion hang in the air for anyone to get the meaning of it.

"I mean..." Mikaela breaks out of her silence.

"It was an accident. We were showering together and I kind of touched," she pauses to avoid continuing her sentence.

Your jaw drops in surprise because that's just a stupid thing to do. They're struggling to take their hands off each other yet they had a shower together, it would be impossible for something to not happen in there.

"We thought it wouldn't be a rule break," Mikaela adds, in what is supposed to be her words of defense.

"It doesn't matter," Finn remarks with an annoyed look on his face.

You doubt that that's the only infraction they did in there and everyone seems to think so. You remind yourself to keep your tone calm to not upset her, "Mikaela, honey, is that it? Is that the only thing?"

Your question sends the tension soaring high but it's either they tell them the truth or face everyone's wrath. You hope they choose the former.

"We uh... we kissed," Mikaela meekly admits.

Indeed, they were aware of what they were doing and the repercussions of their actions.

"Rio and Mikaela, what you did goes against the rules of the retreat," Lana sternly remarks.

You just can't believe that they choose to act selfishly like this but you refrain yourself from talking, afraid that you'd say things you didn't mean.

"These rule breaks have cost the group $10,000."

Even Avery who's been Mikaela's supportive friend is looking just as disappointed as everyone. She has nothing to say to defend her and can only try to calm her down.

"I'm sorry, you guys," Mikaela apologizes with an exasperated sigh.

"The prize fund now stands at $139,000."

YOU: What are they thinking? Really? Lana is not stupid. If she said it's a rule break, it is a rule break.

When you think Lana is going to end this agonizing meeting, Lana continues to speak still not letting everyone catch a breath.

"Rio and Mikaela, you have broken the most rules since arriving at the retreat and have repeatedly broken the trust of your fellow guests."

You lean back on the sofa and reluctantly listen to everything, exhausted from the roller coaster of emotions Lana puts you in.

"You must now prove to them that your connection is more than just physical. You will face the ultimate test of chastity."

"Sorry?" Sawyer asks, afraid that she misheard what Lana just said.

"Rio and Mikaela, you must spend the night alone in the private suite."

Finn sarcastically laughs at that, "We're done. We're done for."

Nya looks at Mikaela and asks, "Are you going to do anything?"

That seems to trigger her that Mikaela starts to ramble, "I feel like getting negative energy, right now. We're being pointed and like... I don't understand."

Well, after what they did, it only makes sense that everyone doubts they'll pass this test.

"Please make your way to the suite," Lana orders.

And Rio couldn't take Mikaela faster to the private suite.

YOU: [shrugs] I think we're finished.

Han can't wait to sleep on it but he senses something as Lana is not letting everyone go even after Rio and Mikaela leave for the private suite.

This is supposed to be a good night for him, he told you about his feelings and it was well-received, then the party was fun.

It was great until he sees Lana's cone-shaped body. He puts his arm around to seek comfort from you and you rest your head on his shoulder right away.

"Forming meaningful relationships with people always starts with trust. My question is how much do you trust Rio and Mikaela?"

That is the hardest yet the easiest question to answer. Hard because Han trusts Rio so much, he's the closest to him amongst everyone else here but it's also easy because of what they did when they're together.

Han trusts Rio but he doesn't trust him when he's with Mikaela.

"Jeez..." Asher hisses.

"All they're doing is losing money," Finn says with a snide smile.

"If you decide to trust them and they pass the test, the $40,000 that has been lost so far will be returned to the prize fund."

Some are gasping and a few others are sighing in pessimism. Sure, $40,000 is a lot but everyone's concern is on whether Rio and Mikaela will pass the test or not.

"But if you decide to trust them and they fail the test, the prize fund will drop by a further $40,000."

"Nah, no way," Asher immediately responds with a head shake.

As much as Han wants to back Rio, he has as little faith as everyone that they'll pass the test. However, it's not just about their friendship, it's about money and the group as a whole.

"They got so much shit tonight, they're not going to do it," Gwen says.

But coming from someone who's only been in the retreat for a day, everyone dismisses her right away.

"They know they'll lose money if they do anything," Finn surprisingly takes Rio's side but Han believes it's because he wants the money back.

"Guys," Avery is taking her turn to speak now, "This is a real test. Watch them actually pass it."

Now that it's coming from Mikaela's close friend, everyone listens to her, and their minds slightly change.

"This is their chance of redemption," Avery concludes.

A moment passes as everyone tries to mull things over, deciding whether to trust that they'll pass the test or not for a chance to get a lot of money back.

In the end, it's being decided by voting.

"If you think that we should trust them, hands up right now!" Finn says.

Hands are rising to the air in favor of trusting Rio and Mikaela to not break any rules in the private suite. Han also raises his hand, going with the majority.

He then turns his head to see that you're not raising your hand along with Sawyer sitting on the other side of him, he respects that.

"Thank you. I have noted your decision. Goodbye," Lana ends the session with a grim closing.

HAN: I trust my boy, Rio so I'll ride with the majority

They're making a big mistake.

Yes, there's a chance to gain some money but they forget that they also risk losing more money for doing it. Anyway, you voted no and if things didn't go as they wanted, you wouldn't be a part of it.

You groan as Han puts his whole body on top of you, propping his hands on each side of your head with his face hovering only inches away from yours.

He flashes you that gummy smile, then leans in to whisper, "I feel like we're getting closer."

You put your legs around his waist and your arms around his neck, pulling him close against your body.

"And we're getting a lot closer now," you playfully say back.

He buries his head in your neck and you can feel his warm breath fanning the sensitive skin, making you tingling inside.

You still feel the slight shock from the sudden confession he told you earlier in the bathroom and you feel the need to ask him if he was just saying it because he feels like it or...

"'I like you,' huh? Where did that come from?" You ask him with your hand on the back of his hair, ruffling it between your fingers.

Han pulls away to hover above you, he props his elbow against the mattress to support his head, "I like the fact that you're a bit silly like me," he says.

You scrunch your nose at that, "You're a whole lot of silly," you disagree with him.

"You're fun to be with, you're not taking things seriously, I... I'm enjoying getting to know you," he answers.

Han then leans in and presses his nose to your cheek, "How about you? How do you feel?"

You look away and pretend to think, "Uhm... you're alright, I guess," you add a shrug to tease him.

He drops his head into your neck as he breaks into laughter and tries to muffle it as everyone else is trying to sleep in the room.

"Well, that's what I like about you, you're so chill..." he compliments.

He looks at you as he continues talking with his hand playing with the strand of hair on the side of your head, "I've been pushing my feelings away but now, I gave in," he sincerely tells you.

You place your hand on his arm and feel his warm skin as you intently listen to him speaking his heart out.

"I admitted to how I feel and honestly, don't regret it," he finishes and brushes your hair away from covering your face.

It's heartwarming to hear everything he said and know that underneath that goofy layer of his, there's a part of him that is so pure and earnest, proving to you that he's not this cool guy he disguised himself him when it comes to someone he likes.

"I don't know what you want to do with it..." You try to articulate your thoughts into words but also avoid giving him the wrong idea.

"I think it would be cool to get to know each other and see what happens, see if something comes out of it," you tell him.

You're not trying to play his game plan back to him but you want to play it cool.

"Okay," he agrees with a sweet smile.

"You blew my mind, really," you tell him how surprised you are by his sudden confession.

"Well, I kind of want to blow you elsewhere but..."

You gently slap him on the arm and pull him, holding him close to wish him goodnight.

"Goodnight," he wishes back with a soft kiss on your cheek.

YOU: I do like Han but also, he did tell me that he liked Avery so... I don't want to get hurt. I can only hope that he's telling the truth.

Lana chimes the second the lights are on.

You groan as you force your eyes to open and squint to see the cone blinking in the middle of the room. You pull the duvet to your chest, waiting to hear what Lana has to say early in the morning.

"Good morning, everyone."

"Mmh... morning," You're slurring your words as you yawn at the end of your sentence.

"Are you feeling optimistic?" Lana asks, reminding everyone of the big gamble they did last night.

"I think we'll get the money back," Avery says, standing firm on her ground.

"Given Rio and Mikaela's history, you might be, as humans say, screwed."

Is Lana hinting that they didn't pass the test? You thought by voting no, you would be excluded from feeling guilty about it but you feel it nonetheless.

"I feel broke already," Asher groans as he tries to sit on the bed.

"I think they've got it," Avery says while twirling her hair in her fingers, looking not convinced by her own words.

You don't want to think about it but here we are, talking about it the moment you woke up and now you can't stop thinking about it.

You turn on the bed and put half of your body to overlap Han's, cuddling him as usual before starting the day. You look at his face and see that his eyes are closed, even with his face is slightly swollen and his hair is disheveled, he looks adorable to you.

You poke the tiny mole he has on his cheek, "Morning, goober."

He takes your hand away to kiss your plan then puts it across his chest, "Let's sleep for another five minutes," he mutters with eyes closed.

Feeling playful, you put your mouth close to his ear and whisper, "Okay."

YOU: But honestly, if Rio and Mikaela cost us any more money, I'll be fuming.

When Lana calls you, you drop everything and go.

You're not done with your makeup yet when she calls everyone to the cabana. You drag yourself to get there with Avery linking her arm with yours.

With the two of you as the last ones to get there, you decide to sit at the end of the sofa.

Everyone is looking nervous as they wait for anyone to come in, either Rio and Mikaela or Lana.

After a while, it turns out to be the former. Rio and Mikaela look happy and you know looking happy doesn't mean they did something but it makes you nervous seeing the smiles on their faces.

Lana chimes not long after, saving them from being drilled with questions by everyone.

"Hello, everyone."

"Hi, Lana," you weakly reply.

"Rio and Mikaela, how was your night at the suite?" Lana asks the most spending couple.

"Oh, yeah? What happened?" Finn asks with faint enthusiasm.

Mikaela looks at Rio before answering, "It was romantic."

"How romantic?" Nya asks.

"Bubble bath, champagne, rose petals... it was beautiful," Mikaela answers with a smile on her face.

You look at the ones who voted to trust them and see if anyone shows regrets.

"Rio and Mikaela's stay in the suite was the ultimate test of restraint to further their connection without surrendering to physical desires."

You half-heartedly listen to Lana as you start to get a bad feeling about everything and prepare yourself for the worst outcome.

"However, this was also a test of trust."

From the looks on their faces, Rio and Mikaela seem to not expect that Lana is brewing something behind them.

"Rio and Mikaela, when you left the suite, I asked the group whether they would put their fate on you as a couple."

Mikaela's jaw drops at the information and her face dims as if someone has turned off the lights.

"If they trusted you not to break the rules, I would reimburse the $40,000 you both lost so far."

Rio rubs his hands together and licks his thick lips, having nothing to say but you can't quite tell if it's a good or a bad quiet.

"However, if you broke any rules in the private suite, an additional $40,000 would be deducted from the prize fund."

"That's how much faith we had in both of you," Avery says and intentionally, makes it sound like a warning to them.

You take another look around and can see that most of everyone regrets their decisions already.

"I can reveal that Rio and Mikaela did break the rules," Lana announces.

YOU: Don't say I didn't warn you.

To say that he's disappointed would be an understatement.

Han can't believe that someone he thinks that's like a brother to him would do such stupid things. He knows that he should not do it, they should take this test as a way to earn everyone's trust but they wasted it away.

Not to mention, wasted some more money too.

"What did you do?" Nya asks.

"We maybe uhm... kissed," Mikaela answers.

"Again?" Asher gasps in shock.

"Did you think for a second that maybe it's not a good idea? That you knew you had to resist it?" Avery says, gritting her teeth as she speaks to Mikaela.

To everyone's surprise, Mikaela doesn't look like she's feeling guilty or shows even the slightest of remorse on her pretty face.

"And because you kissed twice, you have been fined an additional $12,000."

Han thinks that's already the worst of it but Lana doesn't stop there.

"That means your night at the suite has cost the group a total of $52,000."

"I'm sorry I failed you all," Rio finally speaks up for the first time today.

"We-we don't know you bet all of that money on us," Mikaela defends but that's so out of touch.

"But we— You were put to the ultimate test," Avery pressed the focus on the matter and that she shouldn't blame everyone when they're the ones who shit the bed.

"I know," Mikaela says, defeated but still not looking sorry for what she did.

"The prize fund now stands at $87,000. Goodbye."

HAN: $52,000 for two kisses? [Shakes head] It's not even funny anymore.

You walk back to the dressing room to finish getting ready for the day even though you don't feel like doing it anymore after losing more than half of the prize money when it's not even halfway of the retreat.

You take a long sip of water from your tumbler then sit on your usual spot on the vanity table.

Nya, Gwen, and Sawyer are there too, probably can't find anywhere else to vent but here. The room is loud with their rant and frustrated groans.

Unfortunately, Mikaela steps into the dressing room and everyone gets quiet as she takes a seat on the chair. She looks at everyone but none of them is looking at her.

"I feel like I need to come here and talk to everyone," she says.

You pick up your eyebrow pencil and carefully fill in your eyebrows with it while looking into the mirror.

"You guys shouldn't put your trust in us," Mikaela says.

Instead of sincerely apologizing, Mikaela flips it back to everyone and hopes that it'll make everyone feel better. Nya scoffs at that while the others keep on ignoring her.

"I feel guilty. I feel so bad right now," Mikaela says in the hope that's enough to assure everyone that she's sorry.

Sawyer puts down her hairbrush and starts talking, "I don't think you're sorry for doing it."

You look to the side and see that Sawyer is speaking up for everybody here.

"I think you just feel bad at how bad we're reacting," Sawyer points out.

And she's right. Mikaela only feels bad because no one is taking her side and not because she feels bad for what she did.

"I mean, is it like what? Seven times? You're obviously not sorry for what you're doing," Nya also can't help herself from adding to it.

It's clear that everyone is not pleased with Mikaela and her behavior, especially without Avery on her side to help her.

YOU: Mikaela, [holds up hand] please!

"I'm genuinely sorry from the bottom of my heart," Rio begins with a heartfelt apology as the boys gather in the bedroom.

Han is not sure an apology would ail this sense of betrayal he feels but at the same time, he doesn't know what Rio can do to make it go away.

"If you were smart, you should have slept away from each other," Finn rants.

Meanwhile, Asher is sitting still on his bed, scratching at his head with a blank expression on his face.

"I put everything on you, man..." Peyton says with a low sigh.

Han still doesn't know what to say but he guesses that Rio can see the disappointment on his face as he presses his lips together into a thin line.

"I'm genuinely sorry," Rio apologizes again.

He leans forward with his hands clasped in front of him, "Over time, you'll see that," he finishes.

If only his apology brought back the money they'd lost, Han wouldn't be this mad and so would anyone, but well...

HAN: Obviously, they had no idea we risked that much money on them and I do feel sorry but they should have known it's called the ultimate test for a reason.

"Looking like a handsome sausage!"

Han breaks into laughter as you watch him getting ready in the bathroom, then continues combing his dark hair while looking into the mirror.

"We got called to the cabana," you inform, leaning your body against the doorframe of the bathroom.

"Bleugh!" Han reacts with a groan and takes a can of hairspray for his hair.

"I know," you agree with him.

Han is indeed looking good in his red shirt and dark slacks but oftentimes, he wonders why he is impeccably dressed up just to get anxious over a talking cone.

"My belly is turning," you whisper to him.

Unluckily, Han can't give you the comfort you need when he feels the same way. He puts a hand on yours and intertwines it, resting it on your thigh.

The cone chimes and everyone gets tensed at the sound of it.

"From the date I've gathered during your stay in retreat so far," Lana skips the usual greeting and that only means she's angry.

"I must inform you that some of you have not demonstrated the capacity to make deeper, emotional connections."

Is it what Han thinks it is?

"Oh, my days..." Nya weakly gasps.

He holds your hand tighter, afraid that his thought manifested into reality.

"There are two guests that have not committed to the retreat or show signs of progress."

It's becoming real now that his heart is pounding out of his chest. At this point, he can't tell who these two people are because Lana is the only one who can objectively see everyone's progress in this retreat.

"And I must bring their time here to an end."

He can't believe what he heard but as you press your head into his shoulder, he knows he heard it right. Lana is sending two people home, right now.

HAN: I am freaking out. I want to get to know her and see where that might go so... I don't want to go home.

The possibility that this might be his last night in the retreat is there. Han puts his arm around you, pulling you close and putting his head close to you, catching that natural scent of your body as he breathes you in.

"The first person who has to leave the retreat tonight is..."

Everybody is nervous and the tension is rising, everyone is uncomfortable in their seats. Han is stressed, thinking that it would be him.

"Sawyer."

Nya, the one sitting next to her, throws her hands around her while Fabian who sits on the other side, gently squeezes her shoulder.

"Sawyer, you have failed to commit to the process or make any emotional connections. I have calculated that you have the lowest possibility of forming meaningful relationships," Lana lays out the reasons why she's being sent out of the retreat.

Sawyer sadly smiles and looks at everyone, "It's okay, you guys," she says but her eyes are glossy with tears.

Nya rests her head on her shoulder and holds her hand, snuggling up to her as if she's the one who needs the comfort not the other way around.

"The second person leaving the retreat tonight is..."

Han feels like someone is squeezing his heart dry and his throat is closing up, making it hard for him to breathe.

"Peyton."

Han is unconsciously gripping your shoulder and you end up holding him, providing him the comfort he seeks by placing rubs on his back.

"Peyton, you have continued to display behavior from your player past and you have shown no remorse or signs of change."

Peyton puts on a smile and coyly says, "I don't say much but all of you are like family to me."

Avery sniffs with her eyes wet with tears while Nya looks like she knows it's coming for him.

"Sawyer and Peyton, please leave the retreat."

It feels like he's letting them down even though Han is not the one with the decision to cut them off the show. He feels sorry for them as he hugs them and bids them farewell.

"See you again, everyone!" Sawyer says for the last time before leaving the villa.

Everyone is just as gutted as he is, sitting on the sofa waiting for Lana to finish speaking.

"I hope the rest of you take this as a lesson to take this process more seriously."

When bedtime comes, it feels not right to see one bed empty.

He feels bad for them but he's also relieved that it's not him and you, he's not ready to go home yet. Moreover, he is determined to make progress in this retreat.

He dives into your arms and lets you hold him, keeping him in your warm embrace.

As if you know he needs your comfort, you gently rub the back of his neck, "I'm still here," you whisper with a soft laugh.

He smiles hearing that and places a kiss on your cheek, "I know."

HAN: We've just started getting to know each other so I'm glad that we're staying.

It's another day in the retreat and another day of spending hours to get ready for the day.

You understand that you should look presentable because you're in a TV show but doing it for almost two weeks now, you're getting tired of it now.

"You look cute in that bikini, babe," Avery compliments you as you put on a black pair of bikini.

You take a step back to see the whole look in the mirror, "Mmh, yeah, I look good," you agree with her.

One thing you learn in this retreat other than making emotional connections is that you like hanging out with girls.

Instead of rivalry, the girls are very supportive of each other, you can see that from compliments being thrown around the dressing room every five minutes.

The only girl that isn't vibing with you is Lana.

After a very intense day yesterday, you feel like turning the other way instead of going to the cabana. It's like you can't go on with your day without seeing her cone-shaped body.

"Come, baby cake," Han holds his hand out at you.

You take his hand only to let him pull you hard until you topple onto his lap, making you laugh as he puts his hands around you.

"It's kind of suspicious to me that there are presents for us," Asher says.

You wouldn't notice the small boxes on the table if Asher didn't say anything, not sure if it's a present but it looks like it from how the lid is wrapped with a pretty bow.

"Hello, everyone," Lana greets as soon as she comes online.

You get off Han's lap to sit on the sofa since it's not a good time to get cuddly.

"I have a gift for each of you."

Lana confirms your guess but you get nervous instead of excited for it. It's never just a gift, there must be something else in there.

"What it is, Lana?" Finn asks.

"The gifts will serve as a reward for those couples who show me that they're taking the right steps toward deeper connections. They will be given the chance to take those connections further."

Everyone is intently listening, probably wondering if there's a catch behind this sudden gift-giving.

"Can we open it?" Nya asks with eagerness.

With the cue given by the staff, everyone takes one box from the table and discovers a smartwatch inside.

"For free?" Han innocently asks you.

You're cackling as you put the watch around his wrist and let him do the same with yours.

"When I observe two people forming a genuine connection, they will be given a green light like this..."

Lana demonstrates it by turning the watches green along with a melodic chime of hers and everyone is cheering in reaction.

"... where the rules do not apply for a little amount of time."

Han leans in to whisper into your ear to relay Lana's message, "Green light means we can fuck."

You burst into laughter and gently push his head away, stopping him from saying another silly thing. That doesn't stop him from resting his chin on your shoulder.

"I would like to remind you that those who do not receive a green light are not displaying enough progress."

You see that everyone is excited about these watches, well, the idea of getting a pass to rule break is nice but knowing Lana, earning a green light wouldn't be easy.

"Thank you, Lana!" You thank her nonetheless.

YOU: With this [shows watches] I think I'm ready to deepen my connection with Han.

Motivated by the promise of a green light, you pull Han aside, walking to the beach together to get some privacy to talk with him.

You both sit on rocks facing the beach with the surface of the water reflecting the afternoon sun at you. You've been meaning to talk to him about your feelings and you don't like talking about your feelings so it's going to be hard to open up.

However, you know he gave you a lot and you've only given him so little.

"I've been meaning to talk to you about us," you begin.

"Okay," Han says with a nod.

"I know I've been holding myself back a little," you admit to him with a thin smile.

"A little?"

You smile at that and corrected it, "I keep my guard up."

"I think the Avery situation plays on the back of your head, huh?" He correctly guesses.

Well, that's one of the reasons so you nod, "Yeah, it does."

Han gazes into your eyes even though he has to squint under the bright sun to do that, "I barely spoke two words with Avery, I didn’t vibe with her. It was purely physical attraction," he says.

He pulls his legs and puts his hands on his knees, "But spending time with you, getting to know you, it all feels natural, you know?"

You nod in agreement because it does feel natural like you've known him for years instead of days.

"I feel like now... if anyone else came in, I'd still stick with you no matter what," he earnestly says to you.

It feels like discovering a new side of him and this talk feels intimate because it feels like you're talking to his heart from how open and sincere he is with his words.

"It's not just that," you confess.

It's been so long that you haven't been this open to anyone that you forgot how and it scares you so much. You keep retreating even though you keep reminding yourself to lower your guard down even just a little.

"The last time I opened up to someone, I got badly hurt and it makes me scared of commitment," your heart aches as the truth escapes your mouth.

"That's my problem," you say with a nervous laugh.

Somehow, letting those hurt out sets you free from the burdening past and you feel so much lighter and better. As you gaze into his eyes, you feel like you can tell him anything now.

"Yesterday made a massive difference."

"What do you mean?" He asks with an eyebrow raised.

"I didn't want to lose you," you sincerely tell him.

Han leans forward, trying to get as close to you until his knees bump with yours. He takes your hands and holds them while keep looking into your eyes.

"I knew that you were the only one I connected with since day one," you confess and you hope it's enough to tell him how you really feel.

He smiles at you, the silly one that makes you can't help but smile back to him.

"I want to kiss you now," he says to you.

"We can't. Unless this turns green," you remind him while showing him the watch on your wrist.

He then looks at the vast sea behind you and comes up with an absurd idea, "Do you think Lana's rules still applies on international water?"

This is why you like him, he's not only tugging at your heartstrings but he also shakes it, teases it, and twirls it around his little finger.

YOU: To be honest, I wouldn't want to do this with anyone else but him [smiles]

sThe boys are off to do a workshop in the front yard and the girls are hanging out by the beach, talking about, well... boys.

"It's so hard to keep my hands off of him," Gwen shares.

Recently, a few people have been doing bed swaps. Since the night Asher kissed her, Gwen now shares the bed with him while Avery is now sharing the bed with Nya.

"How do you feel about him?" You ask out of curiosity.

Gwen brushes her hair to the side, "I like that he's so fun to be with and not afraid to make a fool out of himself," she answers.

"Do you see any possibility that it could be more than that?" You ask.

The question seems to take her aback that she takes a minute to think, "Yeah, I think so but let's see," she vaguely answers.

"It'd be amazing to have more people in here," Avery says.

Nya turns her head around to look at Avery, "And more of my type," she adds.

"Someone with confidence, masculinity..." Avery lists all of the things she wants from a man.

"And big hands!" Nya continues her sentence which sends everyone into laughter.

"We just need more meat in here!" Nya desperately wishes her heart out and hopes that it's loud enough for Lana to hear.

It's like Lana hears their prayers, someone steps into the villa but unfortunately, it's not one she wishes for.

Avery lets out a shriek and covers her mouth too late to muffle it, "Oh, my God!"

"Is that a new girl?" Mikaela asks, looking suddenly intimidated but doing a great job masking it with excitement.

The new girl waves her hands, looking at everyone with a bright smile on her face, "Hello, hi, babes!"

You hear a British accent and that explains the distinct charms she has. When she introduces herself, she holds strong eye contact with you, "I'm Portia."

You exchange a quick hug and kiss both cheeks, "You're gorgeous," you tell her in admiration.

"No, you're gorgeous," she flips the compliment back at you with a sweet smile that showcases her dimples.

The girls look fine sharing the attention with the new girl but you can see the sheer disappointment drawn on Nya and Avery's faces.

But guess what? Another guest walks into the retreat and finally, it's one they're looking for.

It's a whole lot of meat in one man, Nya will have her desired feast. He's tall, has stunning brown skin, and a charming smile, you spot a few tattoos on his body too.

"I'm Ed," he introduces himself around.

He looks pleased being the only man in the villa at the moment, "You're all so beautiful," he says with a grin.

Avery is smitten already, she can't take her eyes off of Ed. You're afraid that she has to share him with Nya and you notice that his eyes are on you.

"So, what is your type, Ed?" You ask, being the one to start the conversation so the available girls would know which one he's more into.

"I don't really have a type, just someone I vibe with," he coyly answers.

Avery laughs even though there's nothing funny with what he said. On the other hand, Mikaela seems to be worried that the new girl is going to steal Rio away from her when clearly, she hasn't even met him yet.

"What about you? Do you have a type?" Mikaela asks her.

"Tall, gorgeous, nice smile..." Portia answers with a giggle.

You almost choked on air hearing it, "That's Rio," you blurt out.

"Well, Rio and I, we've been together since day one so..." Mikaela indirectly tells the new girl to not touch his man. She may as well piss on Rio to mark her territory.

You exclude yourself from their chat and decide to join the other group of girls talking to the new guy.

"That's some sick tattoos you got there," Ed says as he looks at the tattoos on your arm.

"Thank you. You got some uh... impressive ones," you say, but it's hard looking at them when his toned abs keep distracting you.

He lightly touches your inner arm to show you which one he likes, "This. I like this."

You shudder at the contact like you've been zapped by electricity and at the same time, you see the boys are returning from the workshop.

YOU: New guests mean more rule breaks [laughs] I just hope that they catch up on our progress fast [laughs]

What is happening? Han comes back from the workshop to find that there are two new guests in the villa.

One is a beautiful brunette and the other one is a tattoed guy with tousled hair that makes him look like he's just rolled out of the bed looking attractive like that.

If Lana's plan is trying to intimidate him, no, it's not working. However, if the plan is to try to make him jealous then yes, she's succeeded at it.

The new guy touching your arm in an excuse to see your tattoo and as a player himself, he knows that it's just one of his tricks.

Everyone is going around introducing each other and he can see that Finn and Fabian have their eyes on the new girl, surprisingly, Rio too. He looks over to Mikaela and she has the right to drill a hole on her head with her laser eyes.

"Portia, what do you think about the boys? Do you like what you see?" Asher asks, representing the curious singles in the villa.

"Yeah," she shortly answers.

"I'm excited to have fun and get to know everyone," she says with her eyes daringly glancing in Rio's direction.

"Are you planning on breaking rules or what?" Finn asks straight to the point, still has his priorities right as the sex police.

Portia giggles at that and then lightly shakes her head, "I can't promise anything."

This new girl looks cute, with freckles dusted her cheeks and a dimpled smile but he senses that she's going to stir things up in this retreat.

With the two new guests, the dressing room is a lot more crowded than usual. Han dresses up in a black shirt and jeans, styling his hair with Asher putting his long hair into a bun next to him.

"What do you think?" Asher asks him for his opinion.

He looks at him, up and down to know if the whole look complements each other, "Great, man," he says.

Seeing the new guy able to land his hand on you merely a few minutes after he stepped into the villa, Han feels like he needs reassurance that you're still doing it with him, getting to know each other and making deeper connections.

It's so easy to play cool and confident but you've seen everything in him, he knows that you'll see right through him.

No one ever told him that liking someone makes him more insecure about himself.

While everyone else is hanging around the new guests at the firepit, he pulls you aside to talk on the small sofa where you both squeeze yourselves into.

Han slouches with his head resting against the sofa, looking up at you while you're propping a hand under your head and one leg draping between his legs.

You look so beautiful in that tight black dress, you smell so good and those lips tantalize him more than usual tonight.

With his arm around you, he aimlessly runs his fingers on the small of your back, "What do you think of the new guy?"

You peer down at his face and ask back, "Ed?"

He's only been here for hours and you already addressed him with his name. Again, no one ever told him that liking someone makes him think irrationally.

"Do you think he's good-looking?"

You think for a second then nod, "Yeah."

"Handsome?"

"Mmh," you nod again.

"And I'm not handsome?" He asks with a grin but genuinely curious what you think of him physically.

You crack a laugh and think again for a while, "Yeah."

"'Yeah I'm not handsome' or 'Yeah I'm handsome'?"

You're laughing instead of answering and his hand stops moving on your back, waiting for you to answer.

"Is that why you don't want to kiss me?" He asks, turning serious all of a sudden, then looks away to not let you see how embarrassed he is asking you this.

You stop propping your head with your hand and put your hand on his chest, "First of all, you're not handsome," you tell him.

"I'm super handsome, I know," he entertains himself.

"You're cute," you say with a gentle pinch on his chin, "And I like cute guys.

That makes him look back at you with a smile that blooms on his face, "How cute?"

You lean in close to tease him, leaving only a few inches of space between your lips and his, "Very cute."

Han is already dizzy with your warm, sweet breath brushing his cheek as you speak. His eyes drop to your lips as they tantalize him more and more.

"Kiss me then, I'm cute," he teases back by putting his hand on the nape of your neck, not letting you back away.

"How about Lana? The money, mmh?" You softly rub the tip of your nose against his cheek.

"I don't think they'd mind us breaking a rule," Han reckons since none of you have broken any rules yet it's more likely that everyone will let it pass.

You cup his jaw and softly swipe his lips with your thumb, "You think so?"

From the way you're looking at his lips, he knows that this is also what you want.

"Yeah..." he breathlessly says, his throat getting dry the more he craves your lips.

"Mmh..." you answer with a sultry hum.

Han can't take it anymore. He slowly pulls your head close until your lips collide in an explosive kiss, a kiss that obliterates his senses and stirs chaos inside his head.

His tongue pries open your mouth and you eventually cave in, letting him invade you, tasting more of you. He's so deep in it, drowning himself in it that breathing doesn't feel necessary anymore to him.

Oh, he loves your low moans that slip out against his lips and the hand that lingers on his neck. He also feels your leg slowly rubbing his inner thigh, inviting the other part of him to come and join.

He almost pouts when you pull away from the kiss, and you console him with a quick peck on the lips, "That's enough for tonight," you say.

He doesn't want to stop but he looks at the bright side of things, there's always another night.

"We should wipe that lipstick mark..." you sigh as you clean his lips with your thumb.

His hand flies to your lips, helping you to fix your smudged lipstick so as to not leave any evidence for everyone to see. However, touching your lips only makes him want to kiss you again.

As if you're reading his mind, you immediately retract yourself from him to get a space, you take the chance to fix your hair and then your dress.

He helps by pulling down the hem of your dress to cover your exposed thighs. He leans to your side and whispers, "That was a good kiss."

That doesn't enough for him, he then throws himself at you, putting his arms around you as he pinned you down on the sofa, "Fuck, that was so good," he sighs again into the crook of your neck.

Wrapping your arms around him, you bring your mouth close to his ear and murmur, "Don't get used to it."

HAN: It feels like I kissed a girl for the first time all over again [smiles]

Lana seems to let him go for the night and Han can't tell if he should feel lucky or what.

Eventually, Lana will tell everyone and everyone will know that they kissed, he is very well aware of that.

But God! That kiss was so good and it was worth every penny of that $6,000 he spent on it. He didn't even think of the money because he was kissing you and you're such a good kisser.

It wouldn't be like every other night, it would be hard for him to sleep next to you tonight and not try to kiss you. He licks his lips to get any taste of you that lingers in his and his head is spinning, a little lightheaded thinking of the kiss.

Most of everyone is already on their beds and he's been waiting for you long enough he starts to get antsy. Truthfully, he just can't wait to see you so he walks to the dressing room, he finds you sitting and applying something to your face.

"Baby," he calls you from the doorway.

"Yeah?" You answer without looking away from the mirror.

"When are you coming to bed?" he asks, half whining.

"In a few minutes," you reply, carefully dabbing the skin around your eyes with your finger.

"Come to bed..." he grumbles as he walks up to you only to realize that someone else is there.

The new girl, Portia, is brushing her hair on the other side of the vanity table. Han immediately gets embarrassed for acting like a toddler to you, not knowing there's someone else there.

"You guys are very cute," She shortly comments with a smile.

Han can only wait until Portia leaves the room to start talking with you, even though he's not sure if it's a good idea to be alone with you.

He watches as you dab your lips with lip balm and smack them together, inviting him to touch and feel the softness of your lips.

"Put some on me too," he says.

You hand him the lip balm to put it on himself but he refuses, shaking his head at you. You reluctantly put it on for him, and slowly glides the lip balm on his lips.

"Okay, now we're ready to kiss," he says after smacking his lips together.

You gently push him away and swivel your chair to the other way, "Told you not to get used to it," you say, getting up from the chair.

He puts his arms around you, hugging you from the back while you're putting your things back into your make-up bag. You smell so good that he can't help but plant his nose in your neck, getting himself drunk in your scent.

You start walking in the direction of the door, dragging him to you with your hands on his, "Let's go to bed."

"One more kiss," he whispers with a soft kiss on the sensitive skin behind your ear.

You look at him through the reflection in the mirror with his head buried in your neck, "We can't rule break again," you tell him.

He starts whining like a baby, humming against your skin with his arms tightening around you.

"You're just a baby, mmh?" You gently nudge his chin with your shoulder.

"It's better to get scolded for two kisses than one," he offers his idea to you.

You softly laugh at him and you seem to be more worried about anyone finding the two of you here alone from the way you keep looking at the doorway.

"I know you want it too," he teases you, then playfully bites at your ear shell.

You take his hands away from you but instead of walking away, you push him until he's pinned against the Asher's close on the other side of the dressing room to prevent anyone from walking in on you unnoticed.

"You won't stop until we do it, mmh?" You murmur, putting your body against him and dropping your hands on his shoulders.

He looks into your eyes as they sparkle and he can see that you want it too. But you get ahead of him, crashing your lips against him and knocking the air out of him.

Somehow this kiss is better than the first one and he gets even hungrier for you, opening his mouth to take more of you.

He twirls your tongue with yours and mischievously, you gently tug it between your teeth as he tries to pull away, giggling when you finally let go.

The temperature in the room seems to have raised a few degrees, making him feel hot all over yet he pulls you incredibly closer, leaving not even an inch between your bodies. He has one hand on the arch of your back and the other on the nape of your neck so he can angle your head as he pleases

With your body pressed against him, he can feel it starts to mold to his body and he wants to feel every curve of your body with his hand.

You immediately drag his hand back as he attempts to touch your rear, clicking your tongue at him as you pull away from the kiss.

"That's enough rule breaks!"

You leave him with his mouth hanging open and his lips wet from the kisses, it's cruel that you leave him wanting more.

"We can't enter the bedroom together so..."

You take steps back from him and walk in the direction of the door, "Wait for a few minutes then you can come to the bedroom," you instruct him.

He manages to catch your hand before you walk away, "One more kiss."

"No!" You refuse but with a sly smirk on your face, hinting that you're not completely opposed to the idea.

"I know you like it," he says, standing in the middle of the room, defeated.

You stop by the doorway and look over your shoulder, "I meant it, wait for a few minutes!" You remind him.

You know what? They'll eventually know so he doesn't why you bother to avoid everyone's suspicion.

HAN: I started paying attention to the little things she does. How she purrs in her sleep like a kitten or scrunches her nose before smiling [shyly laughs] everything about her is adorable except the kisses... her kisses are out of this world!

Is this how everyone feels when they know they're about to get exposed by Lana?

Surely, you can't calm down like usual since you blatantly broke the rules twice last night. You didn't even think about the money at that time and the guilt only hit you right now, fast and hard.

Well, it's not like you commit a murder or something, it's just a kiss, well... two kisses and they cost $12,000. You gulp air thinking of the money you spent on those two kisses but in your defense, it was worth every cent of it.

You glance at Han and he flashes a knowing smile at you, there's no way out of this but through.

When the chime comes, your heart drops to your stomach and you inhale air to calm yourself.

"Hello, everyone," Lana starts the session as usual with a lukewarm greeting.

"Hey, Lana," you reply with a weak smile.

Han takes your hand so you can stop playing with the frayed hem of his sleeveless top and takes your other hand, pinning your hands by the wrists on his lap to make you stop fiddling altogether.

"I must now inform you that yesterday, further rulebreaks occurred."

You turn your head at him and he's looking calm, he even winks his eyes at you which you respond with a scoff.

Avery points her finger at Mikaela and Rio, the biggest spender in the villa.

"Not us," Mikaela immediately denies.

You look at Han, giving him the signals to start talking before the tension rises. He gets the cue right away, letting go of your hands to hold it instead.

"It's us," he coyly says.

Rio says something in Portuguese while Asher claps his hands, both impressed at him. You see that the response is not as horrifying as you thought it would be.

"Did you kiss or did anything else?" Finn asks, wanting to know how much you did so he can calculate the damage.

"We kissed. Twice," Han answers.

You get so embarrassed at how proud he is at admitting the rule breaks that you start laughing next to him. You suppress another wave of laughter to apologize.

"We're sorry, guys, everyone," you sincerely tell them.

YOU: Everyone is taking it well and I think it's because they know we have a genuine connection here.

"These rule breaks have cost the group $12,000," Lana informs.

However, you know it's not going to stay this calm when the bills turn up.

"The prize fund now stands at $75,000."

Now everyone's faces dim at the amount of money left in the prize fun and it's not much. You are sorry for breaking the rules but it's not right to put the whole blame on you.

Avery crosses her hands together and warns everyone, "No more rule breaks!"

It's so easy to say for her to say now. It was easy for you to refrain from anything sexual but now that you have a partner and you try to build a connection with him, it's so hard because physical affection helps you to achieve this connection you're having with him now.

"Is that all, Lana?" Finn asks.

"As you know, I encourage genuine romantic connections so I have planned dates for our latest guests," Lana comes with an announcement instead.

That gets the new guests, Portia and Ed excited hearing it. Only Mikaela looks like she's plotting a murder plan in her head.

"Ed, please select someone from the group to take on a date," Lana orders.

Feeling like he needs to show ownership over you, Han puts his arm around you as Ed is looking at the girls to take on a date.

Ed's eyes land at you for a second before it shift to Nya, "Are you up for anything later, Nya?"

Nya smiles so brightly and pretends to not care, "I don't know. I'll have to go check my schedule," she jokingly says.

You look at Avery and she looks a bit disappointed with it. She is pretty and all but maybe Nya fits his vibe more.

"Portia, please select someone from the group to take on a date."

Han leans into your ear and whispers, "I'd be worried if I were you."

You snort at that and you're not saying that there's zero possibility for it, it's just that you know Portia has her eyes on Rio. Not sure if she's gutsy enough to take someone's man on a date.

"Uhm... I would like to try and get to know someone," Portia says and she happens to sit next to Rio.

"I'd like to take..." she stalls with her eyes secretly glancing at Rio.

"Rio on a date," she finally says.

There's no one here that is not surprised by her daring move. Portia may look adorable with her freckles and blonde hair tied into pigtails but damn, she is ballsy.

"Sorry, Mikaela," she says to her but you don't hear any guilt in that apology.

Mikaela only nods and forces herself to smile, "Here we go," she sighs.

This only reminds you that you're indeed in a TV show and you believe the viewers would enjoy this drama so much because you're secretly enjoying it too.

"Thank you very much for the date," Rio says which only takes the drama further and sets Mikaela on fire.

Gosh, you feel incredibly good for not being a part of that drama. You put your hand across Han's chest and are just grateful that what you have with him is genuine.

YOU: If Rio kisses Portia on their date [shakes head] all hell will break loose on this retreat.

Mikaela is pacing around in the dressing room while the girls are getting ready for the night, except the ones that are on their dates.

"You have every right to feel like this. It's so shitty, I know," Avery says, validating her emotion while doing her make-up.

You see that Mikaela is on the verge of crying as she holds the back of her chair and grips at it, "it's been hard for me to build a genuine connection with Rio," she says.

Avery pauses doing her make-up to give her a gentle squeeze on her arm, "I know, I know," she comforts her.

Putting the drama aside, you feel bad for her because as wild as you can be you refrain from stealing someone's man. It's girls code and you're not a fan of anyone that has no respect for that.

"Mikaela, sit down, honey," you tell her because she's looking like she's about to faint.

She obeys you, taking a seat next to Avery and rubbing her temple in distress, "If he goes in and his head turns, just know that he's making poor decisions," she stutters her words trying to hold in her tears.

You're bad at comforting people so the least you can do is listen to her and make sure she feels heard.

"He's entertaining this, he-he's..." Mikaela can't keep it anymore so she bursts into tears.

In a second, Avery comes to her aid, holding her as she's crying. You reach for her shoulder to place tender rubs on it to comfort her.

"It's just that... I haven't been vulnerable to one person in so long," she says with a quivering voice.

You can relate to that more than ever and you'd feel the same way if it happened to you.

YOU: That's just what happens when you get too close to someone, they'll gain the power to control your emotions.

Consider him lucky that Mikaela-Rio-Portia drama diverted everyone's attention away from his $12,000 worth of rule break.

But here's a new problem: Han craves it more than before.

He blames you for having such addictive kisses that he can't wait to have more of it. However, he craves for something more than just kisses now.

Yes, he's aware of how dangerous it sounds but how can he can stop thinking about sexual things when you're always looking so damn sexy.

Just like tonight, you look so gorgeous in that black silk dress with thin straps and it showcases your beautiful neck that he wants to tear it off of you.

You drain your wine before sitting on his lap, "Hi, crawdaddy," you greet him with a giggle.

He sees you licking the drop of wine trying to escape the corner of your mouth and he wishes he could do it for you.

"You look so hot," he praises you with his hands on each side of your waist.

"Mmh?" You squint at him.

"What do the kids say now?" He thinks for a moment before continuing, "Fire!"

You laugh at his choice of compliments and put your hands on his muscular chest.

"You're fire!" He says again with a sly grin.

The night is lovely with the full moon hanging in the sky and the winds blowing so softly, brushing his skin with salty, warm air.

But all he can feel is the touch of your fingertips on his neck as you look into his eyes, "What are you thinking?"

Should he tell you what is inside his head right now? Not sure if it's a good idea though.

Han tucks the strands of hair escaping your ponytail behind your ear and keeps his hand there, holding one side of your head with such love.

"We have so much sexual chemistry going on, don't you think?"

"Mm-mmh," you nod in agreement.

"And I think we can have sex," he says.

Before you get it wrong, he quickly adds, "Only if you want to have sex."

You nod again and scratch the tip of your nose with your knuckle.

He puts your hand away and leans in close, "What do you think?"

You seem to hesitate to answer him, "Hmm..."

He leans in closer and places a soft kiss on your neck, you keep a safe distance with your hand firmly resting against his chest.

"I think we should stick to the rules," you tell him.

Then you put your hand on his neck and look at him as you continue talking, "I just don't want us to have sex and suddenly things change, I don't want things to change between us."

He pulls you close and locks his arms around you, "Things are not going to change between us," he assures you.

"I know," you say, "I'm just scared that it would happen."

He completely understands what you're saying that you're afraid that sex would change things between you and him.

"I know what you mean," he tells you.

To console himself, Han places another soft kiss on your cheek and looks at you as you endearingly brush his hair to the back.

"Don't get me wrong, I'd like to have sex with you," you bluntly say with a sly smirk.

"But..." You don't even get to finish your words as you pull him into a hug but that proves you're just as sexually frustrated as he is.

You pull away to look down at his crotch, patting his thigh as you say, "Down, boy!"

Han laughs, embarrassed that you know he's having a boner when you're only sitting on his lap. He wants you so much but at the same time, he wants to prove that it's just more than physical attraction.

With or without sex, he's a happy man to be with you.

HAN: I've been horny as it is... [sucks air through teeth] Hopefully I can hold out.

Another drama unfolds during bedtime.

You're joining Avery in chatting on Asher's bed, the three of you are chatting when Mikaela suddenly comes. She looks unhappy, duh, you'll be too when your man is on a date with another girl.

"Portia has disrespected me, she said some things on the date so I will be having some conversations with her," she says.

The three of you automatically look at each other and notice that Mikaela is having a meltdown. There's a concerning thing going on in the room so you walk back to your bed and so is Avery.

Mikaela is impatiently waiting for Portia to come into the bedroom while Rio is comfortably snuggling close to her on the bed.

You don't wait to share it with Han once he gets onto the bed, telling him everything he missed while he's away in the dressing room.

"Things can get ugly and I'm worried," you tell him.

Mikaela is an intelligent person, but when it comes to her emotions, she can be intense and almost volatile. You're right to never try to mess with her.

Han offers his arm as your pillow so he can cuddle you as it gets intense in the bedroom, you can see that from how everyone is looking tense on their beds.

The wind sends the door shut and Han gets startled, thinking that it's Portia as his head snaps in the direction of the door.

"What a fucking stress!" He sighs as he snuggles to you while you're lowly chuckling at his reaction.

The drama has to end in an unsatisfying way because Portia doesn't get on the bed yet even after the lights are out.

YOU: Mikaela has this fiery attitude so I... [laughs] I was really afraid that there'd be a fight but thank God for Portia's long bedtime routine.

There's already tension between Mikaela and Portia this morning and you can only hope that the workshop will help to sort things out.

There's an instructor already waiting in the front yard and a small bonfire in the middle, you wonder why they set a fire during the day.

"Hello, I'm Amy, a relationship expert," she introduces herself.

Everyone is sitting in a circle around the small bonfire and intently listening to Amy talking.

"Today's workshop is about letting go of the past so that we can be present. Let's talk about any issues in trust that we have with men."

She looks around as she asks, "Who wants to share first?"

No one seems to want to talk about their feelings, including you. You feel uncomfortable letting yourself bare and be vulnerable, especially in front of everyone.

After a few minutes passed in silence, Gwen decides to be the first to share her emotional baggage, a shocking one about how her friend cheated with her boyfriend.

Everyone starts to share their story and when it comes to your turn, you're shriveling a little but you remind yourself that you're in a safe space.

"My thing is when I fall in love, I tend to throw it all out there and end up getting hurt for it so... I kind of become numb because I don't want to get hurt," you honestly share.

"And do you find someone here you want to open to?" Amy asks.

"Yeah," you shyly answer.

You suddenly feel like a schoolgirl falling in love for the first time all over again but isn't it what love does to people? Making you a bit loopy.

"I found someone here that I like and I'm slowly opening up to him, and I'll continue to share more of me with him," you make a promise to yourself.

"That's good. That's great!" Amy praises you.

When you look back, you feel good knowing that you're slowly changing as a person, you came in as someone who's against relationships and now, you're sharing an emotional journey with someone, together.

The workshop started as a heartfelt talk between the girls until Mikaela's turn. You get the feeling that she'll use this as a chance to confront Portia.

"I met Rio here and he's just a really special guy, I've never met anyone like him."

Mikaela is looking at Amy then as she continues talking, she looks at Portia, "Last night, I had to sit through and watch Portia take Rio on a date, and obviously, I feel uncomfortable with it," she tells her right to her face.

You and the rest are watching Mikaela calmly handle her emotions and talk it out in a mature way with Portia.

"I don't want to feel like it has to be a competition or territorial. I want us girls to be on good terms but I think you break a boundary here," Mikaela concludes, throwing the ball at her court.

Portia gets quiet and she takes it all in really well, she smiles at her before speaking, "I respect you for speaking out and I'm sorry," she sincerely says.

A smile finally rises on Mikaela's face, "Thank you so much, Portia, that means a lot," she responds.

Like a parent, you feel proud watching them solving their issues in such a grown-up way and you hope it continues to stay good like this.

Amy then hands out a piece of paper and pens to everyone and comes with a new instruction, "You're going to write the things that have happened with your life that you're ready to let go of and forgive."

It feels good to be able to share things with everyone but it takes everything in you to write things down without getting emotional.

On your paper, you write, 'Good enough, perfect, comparison.'

Amy wants you to share the reason why you wrote those things down. You take a deep breath before explaining it.

"I never feel good about myself but the girls are..." You pause to look at everyone as they smile at you.

"They're all beautiful and kind, they help me learn my differences and things I love about me."

They're all cooing at you and you know how cringe it is but you don't feel embarrassed about it at all. It feels nice to let them know that.

After everyone shares what they wrote on their papers, Amy instructs everyone to take that paper and ball it up before throwing it into the bonfire.

"Just feel like you're putting it all behind you, right?" Amy says.

She gathers everyone into a circle before ending the workshop with a group hug to let go of all the bad and take the good with you.

These girls may seem superficial but you can feel that you and them are in this together and it's a really nice feeling. Despite that you're all different, you feel this sense of belonging toward each other, a sisterhood.

YOU: I still have some way to go but I know that I'm learning and Lana is starting to knock down my wall [smiles]

Going back to the villa, you go straight to the dressing room to dress up for a party Lana suspiciously throwing tonight.

You put your bad thoughts aside and focus on dressing up for the party as it has a Black and White theme.

Han comes up behind you and playfully bites you on the shoulder.

"Ouch!" You yelp in pain.

You continue fixing your make-up in front of the sink since everyone else is crowding the dressing room, "Why did you do that?"

He puts an arm around your waist, "Because you're edible," he answers with a foolish grin.

You glance back at him and sense that he's chipper than usual. You get it that it's getting hard to stay away from each other with sexual attraction getting more unbearable every day.

Gosh! There's not a day when you don't think of ripping his clothes off and having hot, filthy sex with him.

"That's not how I want you to eat me," you joke back.

He plants a long kiss on your neck, "How do you want me to eat you then?"

You chuckle and look at him, "Want you to eat me well, that is."

He puts his other arm around you and draws you closer, "I can do that."

"Yeah?"

He breathes you in and looks at you through the reflection in the mirror, "I can show you," he says.

Before it gets dangerous, you put an end to this conversation and playfully elbow his stomach.

"Ouch!" He yelps in pain this time.

You pull him into a hug for an apology and kiss his cheek, "Let's go, hubba hubba!"

A party is necessary so everyone can blow some steam off for being locked up in this sexless retreat but it also means that Lana plans to throw everyone off.

That doesn't stop you from enjoying the night and the company you're with. You're dancing to the music with your hands draping around Han's shoulders as he slowly sways your body together to the fast-paced music.

After the workshop, you feel much lighter and better, more importantly, you feel confident about how you feel. You look at Han and you feel like you can share anything with him, you can see a relationship with him.

So you hold on to him, tighter and closer but Lana, being the ultimate cockblock she is, chimes in and stops the party.

YOU: I have no idea what's about to come next but I know it's not going to be good.

It's like the fun has evaporated and been replaced by anxiety once everyone is seated in the cabana waiting for Lana to come online.

"I am very disappointed to report there were several breaches of the rules."

When Lana skips the formality and goes straight to the rule breaks, it means that she's pissed off. You feel good for not breaking the rules with Han after the last time so you don't have anything to worry about. You can freely guess who did it this time.

"We kissed on the date," Ed is kind enough to own up to it fast.

"I think it was okay, yeah," Nya adds to it.

Everyone seems to let them get away with it, maybe because it's one kiss and Ed and Nya are a potential couple. You don't know but you sense that they wouldn't like what they hear next.

"Ed and Nya, your rule break has cost the group $6,000."

Avery is rubbing her temple while Finn seems to have had enough of people selfishly spending the prize money.

"There was another breach of the rules," Lana informs.

Everyone is tense once again, looking around to catch any guilty faces and you bet the biggest spender has anything to do with it.

Han looks over his shoulder at you, covering his eyes he says, "I may have broken the rules in the shower," he meekly says.

Surprised, you spit out, "You did what?"

Han can't be doing another rule break with anyone else, you know that for sure and that leaves with one possibility. You cover your eyes this time as he admits it to everyone.

"I did a little... uh self-gratification," he blurts out at once, aware of how embarrassing it is.

Everyone bursts into laughter at his confession as he hides his head in your neck. You can't do much about it since he didn't tell you about it

"Han, your act of self-gratification has cost the group $4,000."

YOU: I'm actually quite offended. Did he not want my help?

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mitsies · 1 year

Text

itoshi rin was born on the 9th of september, 19 years ago now.

that makes him a virgo, he thinks. not that he knows or cares what that means. it’s just another menial fun fact about himself he’s learned through fans. but he’s a virgo. or something.

his birthday used to mean something to him. when he was a little boy, so little, he wouldn’t be able to sleep the night before out of sheer excitement. waking up before the sun, he’d barge into his family’s rooms— his brother first, then parents— to alert them of the joyous occasion. because truly, there was no such event of that kind of importance. another year passed, another to celebrate. coming of life, again, and again.

that used to feel beautiful.

but then rin got older. and he stopped having a brother to wake up on birthday mornings, and his parents grew older. and it stopped mattering. he didn’t have time for a birthday. september 9th became the same as any other day, just a regular monday or tuesday, just another 1 out of 365. as his fame skyrocketed, people began celebrating for him. fans would surprise him with little trinkets and cards if the encountered him, and his parents (who had never stopped trying their bests to keep tradition alive) would tell him they loved him and mean it a little extra.

but for him it was always the same. wake up at the same time, do the same things, eat the same meals, talk to the same people— ones he saw every day, never the ones (or, one) he wanted to see— always the same, same, same. the year he turned 18, he woke up on september 9th having forgotten it was his own birthday. he was only reminded by a text from his mother. she had shared an old, old photo. a relic, really— a little tiny boy who looked so fragile, you could snap him in two, with big eyes and bigger lashes, stared blankly at the camera. a large, brand new kid’s sized soccer ball was held in his hands. and behind him, another child— one with a matching expression, but a little older and with brownish-reddish bangs— glaring at the camera as if he was already too good to have his picture taken. somehow, this picture makes him upset.

itoshi rin remembers the feelings. how wonderful it used to be, to wake up as if the whole world was waiting for you. to look forward to that. and he doesn’t think he’ll ever feel that again, not soon, not ever. joy is a thing of the past, outgrown like a little boy outgrows his first pair of cleats. birthdays are for people worth celebrating, he thinks. and as far as he’s concerned, that isn’t him.

but then he meets you.

march 12. he remembers that day. march 12, of the year he’d turn 20. you observe him from across the room— eyes widened, fixed, starstruck— and it’s nothing he’s not used to except for the fact that he thinks you’re pretty. the coffee shop is quiet, at 7 in the morning. he’s a regular, so he knows for a fact that you’re new around here. everything about you screams it— your posture, shifted to watch everything happening in the small space, how you’ve barely taken a sip of your drink, how you’re alone at the little table with two chairs— and he thinks that if he’s seen you before, he’d remember.

the barista slides him his drink. with a curt nod, he thanks her before retreating to a dark secluded corner to stand in like he’s some caged animal. and now rin knows you’re not from around here, because you pick up your drink and come over to speak to him.

he doesn’t remember what you said to him. he doesn’t remember what, or if, he replied. but he remembers you persisting, through his brick walls, through his shields. he remembers your laugh’s echo within those warm, warm, walls.

a coffee shared turns into two. then three. then a dinner date, and then the movies. then a late-night drive home, and then a first kiss. and then, itoshi rin is in love.

falling in love happens in stages, is what he’s always heard. but he disagrees. he’s always liked you, sure, a lot is he’s being honest. but he thinks he falls in love with you fully, in his entirety, on september 9th of the year he turns 21.

the both of you don’t officially live together, not yet, but you’re at his place so often you might as well move in. his alarm doesn’t go off to wake him. instead, he’s greeted by the smell of coffee (which he recognizes as that from his favourite café) and his clock reading 8:52 in the morning.

and then you come in.

still in your pajamas, you look particularly proud and particularly stressed with a platter of asymmetrical assorted breakfast items. “happy birthday,” you whisper, even though he’s fully awake now.

itoshi rin falls in love with you on september 9th. he thinks that you’ve made it all beautiful again.

#itoshi rin x reader #blue lock x reader #bllk x reader #itoshi rin #blue lock #reader insert

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adnauseum11 · 4 months

Text

Mess Hall (John Price x Reader)

John explains his early departure from poker night to you.

1.8k words

CW: swearing, explicit sex (MDNI)

second part of the two-part scene

feedback welcome! writing smut is hard (lol) if anyone has any tips I'm grateful for them. Always looking to get better so don't be shy :)

Dinner was not edible, to John’s lasting amusement. The veggies cooked at disparate times, some too mushy and some practically raw. The pasta had been fine, John’s contribution solid as always. The flavour of the sauce had been the real star, if one didn’t mind the shrapnel you had introduced to it. Both of you had decided after half a bowl each that it was more work than it was worth. Your real dinner ended up being the world’s saddest charcuterie board, but John assured you he’d made do with worse.

“Just happy to be eating.” He said, brushing off your concerns about him going hungry.

“We could go to the pub.” You pick at the salami, perched on one foot tucked under you on a chair at the table.

“I just want to be with you, not up for the pub if that’s alright, love.” John’s honesty takes you by surprise, you glance at him but he seems otherwise content, building cheese and pickle onto a cracker.

“Yeah, of course that’s alright. You want to tell me what happened?” You ask carefully, not wanting to call back his bad mood but curious what brought him to your doorstep now that he seems a bit more even keeled. He stuffs the food into his mouth and chews thoughtfully, looking at you from under his lashes. It’s the most indecisive you’ve seen him in a long time and you wonder suddenly if you want to know at all. Then he sighs and pushes his plate away, seemingly deciding something.

“I was offered a contract. Walk on, ready to go.”

Your lungs freeze, and you forget how to breath for a moment. Your focus narrows onto the man beside you, who is closely watching for your reaction. The question must have been written across your face because he answers without it needing to be spoken aloud.

“I told them no, love.”

“Oh, thank god.” You say in a rush, your lungs sucking in a breath desperately. You can’t help the selfish sentiment, reflexive as blinking. Your hand lands on your chest as if trying to keep your heart contained. John watches you, a soft smugness pulling at his features.

“Good to know you want me around, darling.”

“I always want you around, John.” The bald truth is out before you can temper it with humour.

If anyone had told you a year ago that you would be dating your oldest friend and making heartfelt confessions in your kitchen over a crappy dinner, you would have thought them crazy. But here you are, a mere few months into this with your heart in your throat at the thought of him leaving for any length of time. What used to be routine seems devastating now.

“Is that…are you upset you said no?” You ask cautiously, breaking the intense eye contact to pick at your plate.

“What? No, they wouldn’t take no for an answer. Can’t play cards being badgered like that. They ought to know better.”

Relief that you aren’t the root cause of the bad mood floods through your system, making you bolder.

“You are incredibly stubborn. One ‘no’ should be enough.” You agree, earning yourself a dark look. You smile sweetly at him and reach across the expanse between your seats to cup his cheek, leaning in to his space to press a soft kiss to his frown.

His big palm slides up to cup the back of your neck, holding you in place when you would retreat. He deepens the kiss before you can move, his fingers sliding into your scalp with delicious pressure. When he finally releases you, instead of backing off you follow, slipping out of your seat and crawling onto John’s lap, his thick thighs spread wide. He accepts your weight without even blinking, shifting you into a more comfortable position before fisting his hand in your hair and kissing you again. The delectable rasp of his tongue against yours makes liquid heat pool in your lower belly. You’re suddenly desperate to feel his skin pressing against yours, your smaller hands grabbing at his sides and shoulders.

Your urgency seems to bleed into him, his fingers finding the hem of your shirt and tugging it up your back, pausing only for you to lift your arms before he’s pulling it free from your body and throwing it on the floor. You mimic his actions, pushing his shirt up to reveal the thickness of his chest. He grabs the fabric and tugs and it joins a growing pile of clothing. The dark wiry hair of his body whispers against your delicate skin, sending lightning bolts of desire through you, eager to be pressed against his heat.

Without any warning John is shoving the plates out of the way, the clanking tableware startling you out of your lust driven haze. Before you can speak, he’s lifted you, depositing you on the cleared space of the table with a gentle tinkle as glass knocks together. You look up at him wide-eyed but his intense blue eyes are darkened with desire and locked on your bra, his fingers moving faster than your brain can catch up. The look in his eyes and the cool air has your nipples pebbling, biting your bottom lip as he leans into your space and kisses you again. You have a vague notion of him throwing the piece of clothing, in the next heartbeat both of his hands are on you, urging you to recline backwards.

John’s hot mouth trails over your collarbone and sternum as you recline, your fingers curling into his short sandy brown hair. The wet pull of his mouth on your nipple has you gasping, arching into him. His hands have dropped from your sides to your abdomen, flicking your jeans open with hurried movements. He pauses long enough to cup your mound, the heat of your body making him groan low in his throat.

“Fuckin’ hell love”

His voice has slipped down an octave, desire making his cheeks and chest flush under his dark hair. Your body has a pavlovian response to his, anticipation spiralling through your limbs. When his fingers curl in your jeans and panties, you lift up automatically, using his thighs to balance as he tugs the clothing free of your body.

He’s back on you as soon as the clothing leaves his hand, fingers tracing up your calves and thighs, making room for himself between them while his mouth blazes a trail over your ribs to the delicate underside of your breast. His whiskers dragging across your skin make you gasp and twitch, the tableware clinking together by your head with each sudden movement. When the wet heat of his mouth closes over your nipple again you moan, fingers pressing into the back of John’s neck to keep him in place. You can feel the backs of his fingers grazing against your low belly as he’s undoing his pants, twisting and pulling something out of his back pocket.

“John, let me.” You try to sit up but he won’t allow it, rasping his teeth over your nipple, making you suck in a breath and squirm underneath him. He releases your flesh with an obscene ‘pop’ and a smug smile slides across his face.

“Too late, next time.” His voice is a rumble, one hand fisted around the condom on the base of his hard cock and the other landing on your chest, keeping you pinned to the table and spread out for his viewing pleasure. The slow back and forth glide of the head of his cock over the seam of your pussy makes you groan and hook your heels into the back of John’s thighs. Your hands curl around his forearm, your nails biting into his flesh as he presses into you slowly, eyes locked on your face.

The heat of John’s palm on your sternum makes you aware of how fast your heart is beating against it. Your rattling moan spurs John on, the rocking thrusts of his hips making the dishes dance by your head. The obscene symphony sends shockwaves of sensation up and down your spine, making you squirm as you clutch at his arm.

John hisses a curse, followed by your name and you can feel the muscles of his arm fluttering under your grip. The world narrows to just the two of you, John rocking you and the contents of the table with his thrusts, gripping your hip to steady you under his body. You can feel your body start to pull taut, your orgasm building in pressure and a whine climbing the back of your throat as your senses start to overwhelm.

John slides his hand off your chest to hunch over you, putting his full weight behind his thrusts. He drops close enough to run his open mouth over your collarbone, panting hot breath against your skin. The increased pressure and change in angle make you clench around him, wrenching a low moan from his chest. The tableware crashes in time with your movements.

“John, please.” You’re begging mindlessly, wrapping your thighs high on his hips, your legs trembling.

“You make me crazy when you say my name like that.” John rumbles into your ear, giving you what you want and sliding his thumb over your clit in small circles. It only takes a handful more thrusts before you’re reaching your peak.

Your orgasm overtakes you and you claw at the back of his neck and shoulder with your nails, desperate to ground yourself. Your keening cry bounces off the walls of the kitchen as your body clamps down on his, bucking underneath him. The throbbing grip of your inner muscles is enough to drag John down with you, his thrusts losing their rhythm as he cums hard, his cock pulsing inside you. He groans deeply, his grip on your body bordering on bruising as you both slowly come down and try to regulate your breathing.

“Holy fuck John” You whimper, aftershocks making you tremble and grab at his arms as he leans back, easing out of your oversensitive flesh with a hiss. His palms are stroking over your body, cataloging the shape of you, soothing both of your nervous systems before stepping back. He disposes of the condom in the trash and is back between your legs, giving orders like he never left.

“Legs around my waist darling. Good girl. Up we go.” He’s gathered you against his chest and is hefting you off the table before you can process. Your brain finally catches up and you clamp your thighs around his waist tighter, your arms slung around his neck, hanging off of him like a burr. You trust him implicitly, doing as you're told, your brain still too gooey to do its own processing.

John checks the lock on your front door before carrying you upstairs to your bedroom. Both of you are too exhausted to give a shit about the state of the kitchen at the moment, curling together in your smaller bed. You try not to focus too hard on how suspiciously tight your chest feels when he spoons you, face buried in your hair with a contented sigh.

Next Chapter

Taglist:

@deadbranch @beebeechaos @syoddeye @cadotoast

#fanfic #call of duty #captain john price #john price x reader #john price cod #friends to lovers #this work has smut #smut #john price x f!reader #john price #captain price #safe sex #sex positive

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azzibuckets · 1 month

Text

For the Love of the Game [Pazzi | Part 7/10]

paige bueckers x azzi fudd

summary: paige starts to realize what being in love with azzi is like

a/n: some fluff to prepare for the angst that is the next chapter

word count: 1.6k

masterlist w/ all parts

Paige hadn’t known why she’d called Azzi’s name. Why her first instinct when the fiery hot pain had ricocheted up her left leg and spread to every cell in her body, when she’d crumpled to the floor, was Azzi. But when the dark haired girl had come running, had held her head in her hands, had tried to look brave despite the fear swimming in her eyes, Paige had realized why.

—————-

Trying to balance the two cups of coffee and the bag of donuts, Azzi kicked the door to Paige’s hospital room open. To her surprise, when she looked up, there was a throng of people surrounding the bed. Some she recognized as Paige’s family; her little brother, Drew, was playing on a Nintendo in the corner of the room. There were some girls her age, too, holding flowers and cards, repeating their sympathies to a tired Paige in bed.

Azzi suddenly felt out of place. What was she doing here? She chastised herself for not texting or calling Paige before she’d come. Of course Paige’s closest family and friends would be here to support her, and she’d stupidly shown up. They weren’t even actually dating, or friends at that. It probably didn’t mean anything that she’d comforted Paige last night, whispering reassurances into her ear until she’d gone to the hospital. Azzi had been the only one there, so of course Paige had accepted her presence. And now she probably wanted to be alone with the people she actually cared about.

So Azzi quietly set the donuts and the coffee on one of the side tables, hoping no one would see her as she slowly retreated out.

But just her luck, she heard a deep voice call out her name. “Azzi!” Biting her lip, she turned around slowly. She steeled herself for Paige to question her for coming, to laugh at her for even thinking that her presence was wanted. But Paige smiled, that bright smile with the crinkle in her eyes, and Azzi felt warm all over.

“Everyone, this is Azzi, my girlfriend. She plays for UConn, too.”

This was not how she’d imagined meeting Paige’s parents, but a tall man stepped forth and grabbed her hand, shaking it profusely. “Azzi! I’ve heard so much about you.” Azzi glanced at Paige, wondering what possibly the blonde could’ve said about her. But Paige blushed, avoiding her gaze.

“Nice to meet you, Mr. Bueckers,” Azzi said politely. Soon Paige’s entire family swarmed to meet her, greeting her with warm hugs and smiles.

“Drew,” Paige called. “Don’t be rude. Come over here.” Drew sighed, but obediently put his Nintendo down and ambled over.

“Hey, buddy.” Azzi bent down and ruffled his hair. “I’m Azzi.”

Drew regarded her suspiciously. “Are you good at basketball?”

“She’s great,” Paige immediately answered for her. Azzi looked up at Paige in surprise, but once again, the blonde looked away before their eyes could meet.

The younger girl focused her attention back on Drew. “Hey, you hungry?” she asked. “I brought some donuts and they’re all yours if you want ‘em.”

Drew’s eyes brightened, and he squealed. Azzi chuckled, grabbing his hand and leading him to the corner of the room. “Don’t be greedy, Drew!” Paige yelled. “Leave some for me!”

For the next hour, Azzi kept Drew entertained while Paige talked in hushed tones to her parents. All the other people slowly filtered out, leaving their gifts scattered throughout the room. Finally, Paige’s parents left the room in order to go grab lunch.

Drew begged to stay, so soon it was only Paige, Azzi, and Drew left in the room. The little boy, hyper from the sugary donuts, went back to play Nintendo, totally absorbed in the little screen.

Azzi suddenly felt awkward, and she swung her hands, not knowing what to say.

“C’mere.” Paige patted the spot on the bed next to her, looking at her with soft eyes.

At first, Azzi carefully sat on the edge of the bed, not wanting to jostle Paige. “I brought coffee, too.” She raised the cups. “But I think they might be cold now.” Paige grinned affectionately, taking the cup from Azzi’s hands and setting it to the side before pulling her in. Azzi rested her head on the older girl’s chest, feeling her heart beat steadily.

“You came,” the older girl said softly so that Drew couldn’t hear.

“Well, it’s basic decency. I’d be a shit teammate if I didn’t visit my captain after an injury like that.”

Paige rested her chin on Azzi’s head. “It’s 7 AM. All the girls are visiting me together at 2 later. They said in the group chat.”

Azzi felt her cheeks flush with pink. “Well, I had to get some food and coffee in you beforehand. Didn’t want you all grumpy and hangry for when the girls came.”

“Okayyy.” Paige teased amusedlt, clearly not believing her. She gently pressed a kiss on Azzi’s hairline, and the younger girl’s heart almost burst with how domestic the whole thing was.

Azzi shifted so that she was now facing the blonde. “What’s the news?” she asked softly.

Paige closed her eyes, leaning her head forward so that their foreheads now touched. “Do we have to talk about that?”

Azzi cupped her cheek with her hand. “Paige.”

The blonde blinked rapidly, trying to fight off her tears. “The results from the MRI haven’t come back yet, but based on the x-ray alone, they’re pretty sure I tore my ACL.”

Azzi opened her mouth, but Paige pressed her thumb against her lips. “I’ve already heard enough sorries today,” she breathed. “Can we just stay like this?”

Azzi reluctantly nodded, leaning back. Paige buried her nose in her hair, breathing in her scent. If she weren’t in the hospital right now, she’d be in bliss. But there was a weight between them, a heavy cloud of things unsaid - both about Paige’s injury, and about their relationship. They knew that this didn’t count as fake dating when the cameras weren’t rolling and no one but Drew was with them in the hospital room. Yet for now they allowed themselves this little moment.

———————

“I brought orange juice, cereal, mac and cheese, and some bread, as requested.” Azzi plopped down the groceries on the counter, before making her way to where Paige was lying on the couch.

“What?” Paige tried to lift herself up from the cushions, but the throbbing pain in her leg forced her back down. “Azzi, are you joking?”

“Hmm?” Azzi played dumb, even though she knew exactly what Paige was talking about. But a little bit of fun messing with the blonde couldn’t hurt, right?

“Az, please don’t tell me you forgot the Tru Fu.” Paige’s voice came out desperate and whiny, but she didn’t have the energy to care. Her whole body ached as if all had ligaments, not just her ACL, had torn, and all she wanted was her favorite snack.

“Oh my god, you wanted Tru Fu?” Azzi gasped with faux horror.

“Azzi!” Paige whined again, and this time the dark haired girl couldn’t keep it in. She burst out laughing, unzipping her jacket to reveal the multiple bags of Tru Fu hidden in the interior of her pockets.

Paige crossed her arms, glaring at her. “That wasn’t fucking funny. You know I don’t play about my Tru Fu.”

“I’m sorry, baby, but I knew you’d get all mad and you’re just so cute when you’re mad.” Paige froze, Azzi’s term of affection spreading heat throughout her body. She suddenly felt a yearning in her heart, a deep desire for Azzi to hold her and call her baby over and over again. But the younger girl seemed oblivious to the effect she was having on Paige, tossing bags upon bags of Tru Fu to the blonde in the couch.

When Paige remained silent, Azzi interpreted it as her still being mad, and she bent down, hovering over her, the ends of her hair brushing Paige’s cheeks.

“Please forgive me, Paige Madison Bueckers.” Azzi’s voice came out all raspy and throaty, and in that moment Paige would’ve forgiven her for anything in the world, even if she’d just committed vehicular manslaughter.

But Paige tamped down the fluttery feeling in her chest. She rolled her eyes and ripped open a bag of the white and milk chocolate strawberries. “You’re not getting any of this,” she grumbled, stuffing her mouth.

“You’re a dork.” Azzi lightly flicked the side of Paige’s head and scampered off to the kitchen to put away the groceries before she could retaliate.

Paige watched Azzi hum as she opened the cabinets and fridge with a familiar ease from having regularly brought Paige her groceries over the last several weeks. At first, Paige had objected, saying that she had Instacart and Ubereats. But Azzi in turn had firmly protested, saying that that was much too expensive. Paige quickly started agreeing when she realized how lonely she got, pent up in her apartment. Azzi dropping off groceries soon became the highlight of her week, especially when she’d started lingering and Paige had worked up the courage to ask her to watch a movie together, and now whenever Azzi came by it became an affair lasting several hours.

Paige knew that she didn’t need this many groceries. By this point, her kitchen was overflowing with goods that the younger girl brought. But she didn’t know how to tell Azzi that she loved hanging out with her, loved the hours they spent, alone in Paige’s apartment, binge watching romcoms and talking about anything and everything. So she continued to send her grocery lists, and Azzi had continued to drop everything she was doing whenever she got a new list from Paige in order to hurry to Target then hurry to her apartment.

When Azzi finished up and plopped down on the couch besides Paige, asking her where they’d last left off in Modern Family, Paige wondered how she’d ever felt anything but love towards a girl like Azzi, who had the brightest smile she’d ever seen.

#paige bueckers #azzi fudd #pazzi #uconnwbb #wcbb #wbb #enemies to lovers

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marvelfanfn2187a113 · 4 months

Text

Love Language

Sam and Dean Winchester & little sister!reader

Requested by anonymous

Synopsis: you’re struggling with your mother’s death, but you know just where to go for comfort.

Dean stirred in his bed when he felt it dip, stiffening in surprise when he felt a weight settle in next to him. He peeked his eyes open to see you curling into his side.

“What—“ he mumbled groggily, but you just silently burrowed into his side. He was about to let you stay silent so he could go back to sleep, but then he heard you sniffling, and suddenly he was wide awake.

“Sweetheart, what’s wrong?” He asked.

Still, you didn’t speak.

“Hey.” Dean raised himself on his elbows and looked down at you. “C’mon now—“ Dean cut himself off when the corner of his eye caught sight of the date blinking on his digital clock. “Oh…” He didn’t try to make you talk again, because he knew why you were crying.

It was your mom’s birthday.

Dean settled back down in his bed before wrapping both arms around you, pulling your head up onto his chest and cradling it there with one hand.

Neither of you spoke, but Dean listened as your cries subsided into deep breathing, and he knew you had fallen asleep.

Once he could no longer hear your sounds of distress, his big brother instincts retreated and his exhaustion returned.

Dean fell asleep, knowing you were safe and comfortable in his arms.

…

Sam had spent nearly the whole night researching in the library, so come morning he found his way to the couch so that he could continue to read while also soothing the pain in his back.

He had been settled for all of three minutes when he glanced up to see you shuffling into the room, rubbing your eyes. The moment you saw Sam, you beelined towards him, and he knew why almost instantly. You were covered in a dark blue hoodie that was a few sizes too big, the fabric swallowing the upper half of your body and the sleeves brushing your fingertips. It was your mom’s old hoodie, and since it fit you so poorly, you rarely wore it. Sam only ever saw you wearing it when you were thinking about your mom, which meant you needed him now.

Sam let you curl up next to him on the couch, his hand coming up to rub your back.

“Hey honey,” he soothed. “How are you?”

You didn’t speak, opting to huddle under Sam’s arm and close your eyes.

“It’s gonna be ok,” he said after a moment, comforting you the only way he knew how. “I’m right here.”

You still didn’t speak, but Sam felt when your muscles relaxed and you fell completely into him, feeling utterly safe.

…

Dean wandered out of his room, concerned when he woke up and you weren’t there. He relaxed when he found you curled up with Sam on the couch, your eyes wandering lazily over the lore book that Sam was studying intently. His younger siblings looked up as he entered the room, and Dean offered them a smile before making his way to the kitchen. He may not be able to do much for you today, but he was going to make sure you ate.

…

You didn’t meet Dean’s eye as he returned with a plate of bacon and pancakes, and he knew at once that you would turn them down. You were almost never hungry when you got like this, but Dean had a plan this time.

He settled next to you and Sam and started in on the food in front of him. He could see you out of the corner of his eye, your brow drawn in confusion, having expected Dean to try to make you eat. Without the pressure you had expected, you found yourself relaxing against Dean’s side, and eventually the smell of the food got to you. When Dean placed the plate on his knee, purposefully putting it as close to you as possible, he couldn’t help but smile when you reached over and grabbed a piece of bacon.

You ate a few pieces before leaning back and against Dean, your legs twisting onto Sam’s lap. Sam placed a hand on your knee and Dean wrapped an arm around your shoulders.

It wouldn’t be a good day for you by any means, but sitting there between your two brothers, there was nowhere you could be to feel more loved.

Taglist:

@nyotamalfoy @mrvlxgrl @chocorade

#dean winchester #dean and sam #the winchesters #dean winchester x reader #supernatural dean #dean winchester x you #winchesters x reader #sam winchester #sam winchester x reader #winchesters x sister #dean winchester x little sister!reader #dean winchester x sister #dean winchester x sister!reader #sam winchester x sister!reader #spn sam winchester

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hyperfixationstati0n · 11 months

Text

Curling Iron

Pairing: Spencer x bau!reader (kind of gender neutral, i feel like it could be interpreted many ways but idk)

Content warnings: Allusions to sex

Word Count: 1,005

You and Spencer had been dating now for almost a year. You had managed to keep it a secret from the rest of the team…for the most part. It wasn’t that you didn’t want them to know. You just didn’t want it to affect how you worked more than it already did. You were spending the night at Spencers when you both got a phone call one after another. Unfortunately for the two of you, it was because you had to go in for another case, when you were supposed to have two days off. You both reluctantly roll out of the warmth of your shared bed and start getting ready long before the sun has risen. Which was bad on all accounts, especially since neither of you had gotten much sleep that night. Truthfully, you never really did when you were together.

As if you needed another reason to put you in a bad mood, this case had caught you on the one day you weren’t prepared. The only work clothes you had with you were the ones you had left in the day before, strewn across Spencer's bedroom floor, and they weren’t exactly in the best condition at that point. You groan and start to pick up your black dress pants from the floor, slipping them on as Spencer retreated to the bathroom. You then put on your dark purple long sleeve shirt. You stand to look in Spencer's mirror. You looked like hell. Your pants were wrinkled, your hair wasn’t sitting quite right, and you couldn’t wipe the tiredness from your face. That is in great contrast to your boyfriend, who walks out of the bathroom looking like he always does. The only evidence that his night was interrupted was the sleepiness in his eyes. You did manage to smile a little when he walked out to you, in a navy blue button up and a purple tie.

You tilted your head and looked at him, as he noticed your attire.

“This could not have happened on a worse night.” He says, his voice still low and groggy having only gotten out of bed less than ten minutes ago.

All you can manage to do is nod and look at yourself in the mirror again. You were always known for looking and being very put together, and this morning did not reflect that. You groan and run your hands over your face, trying to get yourself to wake up. Spencer walks over to you and puts a hand on the small of your back, pressing a kiss into the side of your head.

“Come on, we have to go.” He says in the softest, most comforting voice. You can’t help but let him lead you out of his apartment and down to his car, hand in hand the whole way.

In fact, you don’t stop holding hands until you get out of the car, walking into the BAU trying to act like you were just co-workers. Spencer gives you an apologetic smile as he makes his way around the other side of the table and takes a seat, waiting for JJ to start briefing you all on the case that had woken everyone up at two in the morning. You also take a seat, between Morgan and Hotch, your usual placement.

This case was a rough one, and you would be leaving in half an hour. Just enough time to make coffee, you thought. So, with that, you wander over to the coffee station. Sure, the coffee was borderline stale, but you needed something. Anything. It wasn’t surprising when both Morgan and Spencer were right behind you, clearly having had the same thought. As you pour the coffee into your mug, almost falling asleep as you do, Morgan gives you a sideways look.

“So, what’s his name?” Morgan asks in a smooth voice, pouring his own cup before passing the pot to Spencer, who looked amused.

“Hm?” You question, stirring copious amounts of sugar and creamer into your cup.

“Don’t play innocent.” Morgan laughs. “Wrinkled pants, the same clothes you were wearing yesterday, that tired look on your face, and…” He trails off, lifting your hair off your neck with his finger. “What’s that?”

By the smug expression on his face, you already know what he was pointing at. A hickey. Spencer had given you a fucking hickey, and the both of you were too tired to notice it before you left. You give him a quick glare over Morgan's shoulder, seeing the man you loved stifling a laugh over his mug.

“I…burned myself with my curling iron.” You lie out of your ass, just hoping he would accept it and move on.

But no, it was Derek Morgan. The man who made it his life's purpose to tease you, even if he did it out of love. With your words, he gives you another look, raising one eyebrow.

“Your hair isn’t curled, Y/N.” He says with a flat yet amused tone of voice.

Your face goes red and you lean it on your free hand to try and hide it. Morgan laughs and pats you on the back before walking away, giving Spencer ample space to slide down next to you. You can just feel the mix of guilt and pleasure emanating off of him. Your face is still hidden by your hand when he speaks, in a low whisper.

“Sorry angel…I forgot I did that.” He says, putting a hand on your shoulder.

“Mhm” You groan, yet you can’t help but smile through the embarrassment. “It’s alright, it could’ve been worse. Plus, I don’t really mind.”

You adjust your hair back over your neck from where Morgan had moved it, making sure the mark was well hidden this time. You and Spencer sit in comfortable silence for a moment, sipping your own respective coffees next to each other.

“So I'm a curling iron, huh?” He says, already laughing at his own comment.

“Shut up.” You say, laughing as well.

(AN: I don’t know why in the only two things i’ve posted on here Morgan is a menace lmao-but as usual leave feedback if you want, likes and reblogs are always appreciated ilysm :)

#criminal minds #spencer reid x self insert #spencer reid #x reader #spencer reid x reader #criminal minds fanfiction #fanfic #x y/n

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thatdammchickennugget · 4 months

Note

Loved the diabetic reader x slytherin boys head cannons💜💜 you can totally ignore this, but could we get slytherin boys x anaemic reader🙏🏻🙏🏻 how they help with certain issues… e.g fainting, head rushes, fatigue, headaches, cold feet/hands, etc….i think it would be super cute 🥰 have a lovely day, your writing is *chef’s kiss* 🤌🤌

thank you so much lovie! and of course, hope these are alright! <3 this includes Mattheo, Theo, Enzo, Blaise, Draco, Pansy and Tom!

The Slytherin Boys dating a anaemic!Reader Headcanons

Mattheo;

♢ Mattheo's quiet and introspective nature belies a deep well of empathy and compassion, especially when it comes to you and your struggles with anaemia. He's incredibly intuitive, often noticing subtle changes in your energy levels before you even realize it yourself.

♢ Whenever you're feeling anxious or overwhelmed, Mattheo is there to offer you a calming presence and soothing words of reassurance. He has a way of grounding you, of bringing you back to the present moment and helping you find peace amidst the chaos.

♢ Mattheo believes in the power of nourishing your body and soul, always keeping a stash of healthy snacks on hand to help boost your energy levels when needed. Whether it's a handful of nuts, a piece of fruit, or a square of dark chocolate, he's always ready to offer you a nutritious pick-me-up.

♢ He's also skilled at giving gentle massages to help alleviate any tension or discomfort you may be feeling, whether it's a headache or cold hands. His touch is soothing and comforting, and being in his presence always makes you feel safe and cared for.

Theo;

♢ Theo may have a reputation as a recluse and for being unemotional, but when it comes to you and your well-being, he's fiercely protective and incredibly supportive. He's always there to lend you a sympathetic ear and a shoulder to lean on whenever you're feeling overwhelmed or exhausted.

♢ He's incredibly patient and understanding, never pushing you too hard or expecting too much from you. He knows that living with anaemia can be challenging, and he's always willing to make accommodations to ensure you're comfortable and cared for.

♢ Theo has a knack for finding secluded spots around Hogwarts where the two of you can retreat for some quiet time whenever you're feeling drained or fatigued. Whether it's a hidden alcove in the library or a secluded corner of the courtyard, he knows just the place to go to escape the hustle and bustle of everyday life.

♢ He's also a great listener and always lends a sympathetic ear whenever you need to talk about how you're feeling. He never judges or dismisses your experiences, and his quiet strength and unwavering support mean the world to you.

Enzo;

♢ Enzo is a ray of sunshine in your life, always brightening your day with his infectious smile and boundless enthusiasm. He's surprisingly knowledgeable about anaemia, having done extensive research to better understand how he can support you.

♢ He's always there to offer you his arm or shoulder for support whenever you're feeling lightheaded or dizzy, offering you stability and reassurance in moments of uncertainty. His touch is gentle and comforting, and being close to him makes you feel safe and secure.

♢ Enzo loves to surprise you with small gifts or gestures of affection to brighten your day and lift your spirits when you're feeling low. Whether it's a bouquet of flowers or a handwritten note expressing his love and support, his thoughtfulness never fails to bring a smile to your face.

♢ He's a big believer in the power of laughter and is constantly cracking jokes or teasing you in a playful way to help distract you from any discomfort or pain you may be feeling. His playful antics never fail to lift your spirits and remind you that you're not alone with this.

Blaise;

♢ When it comes to you and your well-being, Blaise is surprisingly tender and caring. He's fiercely protective of you and will stop at nothing to ensure your comfort and well-being, always putting your needs above his own.

♢ He's incredibly observant and perceptive when it comes to your anaemia, always attuned to your needs and ready to spring into action when necessary. He knows just how to read your body language and anticipate your needs before you even have to ask.

♢ Blaise believes in the power of creative solutions to help alleviate your symptoms, whether it's using charms to keep your hands and feet warm or brewing potions to help combat fatigue. He's always researching new ways to help make your life easier and more comfortable.

♢ He's a firm believer in the power of relaxation and mindfulness, often guiding you through breathing exercises or meditation techniques to help calm your mind and body. His soothing presence and unwavering support are a source of strength and comfort to you, and you're grateful to have him by your side.

Draco;

♢ Draco's demeanor may be prickly to some, but when it comes to you and your well-being, he's surprisingly gentle and attentive. He's learned to recognize the subtle signs that indicate you're not feeling your best, whether it's the way your shoulders slump slightly or the faint shadows under your eyes.

♢ Whenever you feel faint or experience head rushes, Draco is quick to step in, offering you his arm for support and guiding you to a nearby bench or quiet spot to rest. He'll sit beside you, one hand rubbing soothing circles on your back while the other offers you a small vial of a restorative potion he always carries with him.

♢ Draco takes great care to ensure you're comfortable and cared for, whether it's wrapping you in a warm blanket, brewing a soothing cup of tea, or simply holding your hand to provide comfort. He's not one to express his emotions openly, but his actions speak volumes, showing you just how much he cares for you and your well-being.

Pansy;

♢ Despite her outward confidence, Pansy's heart softens when it comes to you. She's fiercely protective, with a deep understanding of your struggles and an unwavering commitment to your well-being.

♢ Pansy's keen intuition is finely tuned to your needs. She can sense the subtle shifts in your energy levels and mood, always ready to offer a comforting embrace or a reassuring word when you need it most.

♢ When dizziness or fatigue threaten to overwhelm you, Pansy is your steady anchor. With a gentle touch and a knowing smile, she guides you to a quiet corner where you can rest without worry, her presence a balm to your weary soul.

♢ Beyond mere physical care, Pansy's support is a lifeline. She's your confidante, your advocate, and your unwavering champion. With her by your side, you feel seen, heard, and cherished in a way that words alone cannot express.

Tom;

♢ Tom's enigmatic nature conceals a surprisingly compassionate side, only when it comes to you and your health. He pays close attention to your well-being, intuitively sensing when you're feeling unwell.

♢ Whenever you're struggling with dizziness or fatigue, Tom is there in an instant, offering you his steadying presence. His touch is gentle yet firm, providing reassurance as he guides you to a quiet spot to recuperate.

♢ Tom approaches your health with a scholarly curiosity, delving into ancient texts and potions to find solutions. He's constantly seeking new knowledge to alleviate your symptoms and improve your quality of life.

♢ Despite his reserved demeanor, Tom's support runs deep. He's a steadfast presence in your life, offering understanding and empathy without judgment. With him by your side, you feel both protected and understood.

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acey-wacey · 2 years

Note

Heyo Meyo, I really liked your first year "meeting their future children" headcannons!

If its okay, may i request the same for Jade, Floyd and Ruggie?

I hope its okay? Nonetheless take your time, have a great day/night🤗

Hi hi! I'm so glad people like the future children series because I already have all the names planned out in my notes app >:)

...

🍄 Jade Leech 🍄

Now it's common knowledge that Jade Leech is not very easily startled.

But being ambushed by some toddler as soon as he left his room will definitely do it.

The little boy latched onto Jade's leg and started gnawing on his dress pants.

When he tried to pick the boy up, he just scurried up Jade's back, latching onto his shoulders like some kind of deranged monkey.

The boy managed to steal his hat and giggle like a maniac before you came running down the hall with two more children in tow: a little girl with her hands clasped curtly in front of her, not much older than the boy Jade has already met, and a baby that was fast asleep in your arms.

"Bruno, get off of your father."

You shot a look at the boy who was know chewing on Jade's hat.

He looked down in shame and crawled back down Jade's leg.

Through all of this, the normal-composed eel was quite confused.

It was an interesting and amusing sensation for him to be in the dark as he was usually privy to most of the happenings at Night Raven.

"His father?" Jade raised an eyebrow.

You sighed as the boy skittered over to you and wrapped his arm around your leg.

"I don't really know how to say this without sounding insane, but I guess this is nothing compared to what you're used to."

You gestured to the little girl who smiled in a sly way that reminded you of a certain eel.

"This is Veronica," you then gestured to the manic little boy who grinned and showed off his pointy teeth. "This is Bruno," then you nodded toward the baby. "And this is Damian."

"Whatever is insane about that?" Jade mused, stroking his chin as he assessed the situation.

"They're our children."

The only indication that Jade was at all surprised was the momentary widening of his eyes.

"Ah, yes. They must be from the future. Magical accidents like this happen all the time."

You felt heat rise to your face at how nonchalantly he mentioned your future children.

"But... They're our children. Is that not surprising to you? That we have children together in the future?"

Jade just smirked at you and moved forward to pat Bruno's head. The little boy chomped down on his finger but sheepishly retreated when Jade raised an eyebrow at him.

"Of course I'm not surprised. I'm aware of our mutual interest in each other and it's only a natural progression to get married and have a family."

Once the kids return to their timeline, you and Jade are apparently dating.

He never actually asked you out, but he had been observing your mannerisms and how you reacted around him, so he knew you wouldn't say no if he did.

...

🦐 Floyd Leech 🦐

You were sleeping in your bed at Ramshackle, peacefully dreaming of a world were Crowley payed his child support, when you were rudely awakened by a violent shaking.

You opened your eyes to see Floyd, hovering over you with a maniacal grin.

Oddly enough, you weren't even startled.

It's a common enough occurrence to wake up in the middle of the night in congruence with Floyd's whims.

"Hey."

You yawned, knowing there was no point in struggling once Floyd had you pinned down.

Your tired expression only changed to confusion once two other faces with grins matching Floyd's popped into your view.

"We have babies, shrimpy."

The two others were little girls, around 7 or 8.

They had the same sharp, toothy grin as Floyd and both sported teal hair, though one wore it in pigtails and one had it cut into a pixie.

"We have babies," you repeated, hoping Floyd would elaborate.

"In the future," he continued, radiating excited energy. It was far too early in the morning for you to be matching his manic vibes so you just nodded sleepily and smiled at the two girls.

"This is Giulia and Lilith," he pointed at the girl with pigtails then at the pixie cut girl. "They're our babies."

"We're not babies, daddy!" Lilith pouted at Floyd, making him soften just a little.

"They're our not babies," he smiled proudly at you. Both girls looked at you with the same expectant expression.

You groaned and rolled over in bed, capturing the two girls in your arms as you went.

"I'm much too tired and you're much too cute, so as confused as I am, it will have to wait until morning. Till then, we can snuggle."

"Snuggle!"

All three of them exclaimed, much too loudly for the ungodly hour.

You were simultaneously pounced on by three bodies, though Floyd did much more damage to your lungs than the lighter girls.

You snuggled into Floyd and kept an arm on each girl.

"Good night, Giulia and Lilith. I'm sure I'll meet you correctly one day."

...

🍩 Ruggie Bucchi 🍩

You hadn't even noticed much had changed until you payed a visit to Savanaclaw to see your boyfriend, Ruggie.

He was carrying on with his usual duties, only there was a 7-year-old girl perched on his hip as he did laundry.

"Need any help with that?"

He turned around to face you with a clothespin stuck in his mouth.

"No fanks," he mumbled through his teeth.

"This a relative or are you just babysitting?" You gestured to the little girl who was sucking on her thumb and inspecting you carefully. She was a bit on the chubbier side and had bright, curious eyes that matched the color you saw in the mirror.

You assumed she was Ruggie's sister or cousin or niece because she shared the same splotchy ears that twitched with every subtle noise.

"She's my daughter actually."

You were physically taken aback by the confession.

Once he initial shock wore off, you laughed and brushed it off.

"Very funny. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

Ruggie finished pinning up one of his shirts before turning to you with an expression of unexpected seriousness.

"I am being dead serious right now, Y/N. This is my daughter, Iris."

"You're only 17, Ruggie. She looks at least 6 and as far as I know, you were not a baby daddy as a pre-teen."

"She's from the future." He admitted, being genuine although a teasing smirk grew on his face.

"From the future...?" you hesitantly clarified, eying the child as she took her thumb out of her mouth to reach for you.

"Momma, can you hold me? Dadda keeps moving around," she whined, grabbing for you and nearly falling out of Ruggie's grasp.

You rushed to catch her and set her to rest on your hip, bouncing slightly.

It didn't escape you how she called you Momma and you also noticed how her skin color and hair texture were a blend of yours and Ruggie's, the course fur on her ears peeking out from under her hair.

"Is she ours?"

Ruggie didn't reply but just nodded, while he continued pinning up clothes.

"She's darling."

Ruggie hummed in agreement and satisfaction.

"Reminds me of someone else I know."

He bent backwards to face you upside down and puckered his lips dramatically.

You chuckled and leaned down to press a kiss to his lips before he resumed his chores in lieu of his previous contortions.

You smacked several kisses onto Iris's cheeks and temple, though she pouted and wiped her cheek both her sleeve.

You laughed at how cute she was and continued bouncing her as she laid her head on your shoulder and closed her eyes, tuckered out from watching Ruggie work.

"Sweet dreams, future princess."

#twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland x reader #twst #twst x reader #disneytw #jade leech #jade leech x reader #floyd leech #floyd leech x reader #ruggie bucchi #ruggie bucchi x reader

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bimrwolf · 2 years

Text

The Things We Don't Say

steve harrington x afab!reader words: 17,418 warnings: smut ! 18+ (minors dni) summary: Steve Harrington once was the bane of Y/n's existence. He had always been an arrogant asshole and a terrible kisser. She never understood how others fell for the boy's eye-roll worthy charm. Now it seems like he will do anything to prove her wrong about anything. a/n: this is my first steve fic and it turned into a very long one shot

There was something sweet when it was the time of year that it wasn’t too cold to be winter nor too warm to be Spring. The leaves on the trees began to grow back to their vibrants green. Dandelions started to sprout on the side of the roads. Lawns needed to be mowed from the cool showers that casted over Hawkins, Indiana.

Sweaters, cold cheeks, and hot tea, sitting on her porch swing, watching the sunset and streetlights cast their glow on the streets, telling children it’s their time to retreat back into their homes to get rested for the next day— to do it all over again. In Hawkins, it sometimes felt like the day repeated itself.

Graduation was creeping around the corner. College rejection letters flooded her mailbox. Choices were slimming down every week.

Maybe if she had focused better in school.

That’s why she found herself on a chilly Saturday evening with her friend, Heather Holloway, at Daniel Brown’s house.

It was a small gathering. Soft music, beer, and the smell of weed and cigarettes. A few couples making out in dark corners. People who would never interact at school making out in the backyard next to the crackling bonfire. High school was weird.

Heather only wanted to come because Daniel and her had gone on two dates and now suddenly she believed the two of them were going to be married.

Y/n didn’t despise parties, she always went to them if she were invited, but they only seemed fun when she was plastered and couldn’t remember anything. Too bad she was the designated driver tonight.

She pulled at the shirt she wore as the two of them stood in the corner, silently gossiping at who was there, and who was with who. Heather swatted her hand. “Stop. I told you already. You look great.”

She groaned. “You’re legally obliged to say that because you’re my friend.” She didn’t care what she looked like, but today was a day where her clothes seemed to snug her, making her feel uncomfortable and awkward.

“Wasn’t Billy with Vanessa on Monday?” Heather motioned toward the couch. Billy Hargrove had his hand dangerously close to Penny Melton’s privates, nibbling her ear.

“Are you that surprised?” She gave Heather a knowing look.

The front door opened, bringing in a wave of cold air that stung her cheeks. She rolled her eyes at who walked in.

A perky boobed brunette with rosy cheeks and small hips sauntered in. Right behind her, Steve Harrington, his hand around her shoulders. His dark locks were styled in his signature updo, a tiny loose curl clinged to his forehead.

The couple walked past them, and she couldn’t help but smirk at their visible similarities. “Hey, Harrington. Didn’t know you had a sister.”

The girl looked up at Steve, gasping, tearing away from him and storming off. Steve threw his head back. He looked at her, not amused. “Can you not be unbearable for once?” He asked her.

“Be careful not to step too close to the fire outside. Hairspray is flammable, y’know?” She gave him a cheeky grin.

Steve paid no mind, storming off to find his date.

“Remind me why you hate Steve so much?” Heather asked in amusement.

“Since he ditched you to swap spit with Kelly Sullivan.” She answered.

“That was sophomore year.” Heather stated.

“Freshman.” She corrected her.

Heather held out her arms dramatically. “See! It’s not a big deal. I don’t even remember. If I kissed him now, I feel like I would be kissing all the girls in Hawkins.”

Y/n gagged at the description. “Ew. You dodged a bullet.”

“Rumor has it that he’s not a douche anymore. I don’t know what that Nancy girl did to him, but apparently he’s a saint now.” Heather’s words sounded like a joke.

Y/n nudged Heather. They watched Billy grab Penny’s hand and led her upstairs.

She wished the couch hadn’t been infested with sex germs so she could sit down. Her feet were killing her.

Heather took a sip of her beer she had in her hand. Wiping her mouth, she then tapped her chin, thinking. “He was your first kiss.”

“Who?” Y/n was caught off guard. “Oh. Well, that’s a memory I suppress into the back of my mind. Worst kiss of my life.”

“Not what you said in eighth grade. I can’t believe he took your wet dream virginity.” Heather sighed. “I remember my first like it was yesterday. Harrison Ford could do anything to me.”

“I’m never telling you anything again.” She bounced off the wall and walked to the table full of beverages and snacks. She picked up a bottle of water. Heather had followed her, leaning against the table.

“Admit it. You have no reasonable explanation to hate Steve Harrington.” Her friend took a chip out of one of the bowls, popping it in her mouth.

“I don’t even hate him. He’s just insufferable, arrogant, and a bad kisser.” She needed fresh air from this interrogation. “Don’t you need to go find Daniel or something like that.”

“Your lack of knowledge about flirting is astounding. My plan is to be here, look cute, and then leave. When he sees me Monday at school, he’ll ask me why we didn’t talk tonight.”

Y/n was grateful that the conversation had moved elsewhere. “That’s not even flirting.” She led them to the backyard where most everyone was. She noticed Steve had made up with his date— his tongue was down her throat.

“How would you know?” Heather questioned, scanning the yard, smiling when she noticed Daniel over by a group of his friends. She pushed up her boobs and laughed loudly like Y/n had said something hilarious. She frowned when he didn’t look their way.

As the night went on more laughter and conversations were told into the chill air. It felt good to be young.

—

Y/n was not having a good summer. Heather was the only one between the two of them who was hired at the pool.

Summer was now the last bit of time Y/n would get to spend with her before Heather went off to NYU.

Y/n’s grades only managed to get her into a community college about forty-five minutes outside of Hawkins. So, she felt like she wasn’t even leaving.

Although she managed to get a job at the Gap at the newly opened Starcourt mall, their schedules seemed to never align.

It was one particular day that Y/n finally had a day off. She didn’t feel like going to the pool. Or doing much of anything. She wanted to lie in her room and read her newest magazine with a cold glass of lemonade. But instead she found herself in the parking lot of Starcourt.

This was her new hobby. She would browse all the stores, pick up things she wanted and place them back because she was saving her money. Then she would go bother her co-workers for a few minutes, sometimes buying an item she had been eyeing for the past few weeks. She did get an employee discount after all. Then she would head out and go home to get ready for the next day.

But on this particular day as she passed the food court, one of the shops caught her attention. It was a small shop, decorated in red, white, and blue. The front of a boat was next to the entrance. Y/n had heard good things about Scoops Ahoy. Some even rivaled it with Baskin-Robbins.

She entered the shop, eyeing the striped walls and checkered flooring. The theme was cute. She had seen a glimpse of their uniforms when workers would walk by the store, and she was glad the Gap let her wear what she wanted.

She got behind a girl with curly blonde hair, and she was giggling at whatever the cashier was saying. Five minutes had gone by and the girl hadn’t moved yet. Y/n peered over the girl’s shoulder, and nearly doubled over in laughter.

Steve Harrington was on the other side of the counter, leaned over, and wore that silly sailor uniform. He looked ridiculous. It almost made up for waiting almost seven minutes to get a damn scoop of ice cream. Y/n sighed. She guessed she would have to take matters into her own hands.

She pushed past the girl, who let out a large huff, almost dropping the ice cream cone in her hand. “Stevie!” Y/n squealed, wrapping her arms around his neck, planting a wet sloppy kiss on his cheek.

Steve’s face was priceless. His eyes nearly popped out of his sockets and mouth agape. “Wha-”

He didn’t even get to finish because Y/n pushed his jaw back up. “Sweetheart, you’ll catch flies.” She turned around to face the girl who looked pissed. “Sorry, haven’t seen my boyfriend in a few days. He’s getting over mono.”

The girl let out a sound of disgust, pivoting on her heels and stormed out of the ice cream parlor.

Y/n’s face fell and quickly let go of Steve. “Okay, now that the horrendous sight of Steve Harrington trying to flirt is over with. Can you tell me the specials?”

Her attention was dragged to a pair of tiny doors opening behind him. A girl with medium length brown hair held a board with one side being You Rule and the other being You Suck. There were three tallies on the You Suck side. She drew another, making it four. “Some girlfriend, dingus.”

Steve looked embarrassed and livid all at the same time when he turned back around to look at Y/n. “She’s not my girlfriend.”

“Is this you breaking up with me?” Y/n clutched her chest.

“Isn’t there a sign outside that says no pests?” He asked her.

“Didn’t know they were so desperate for workers they allowed dipshits to apply.”

His co-worker let out a cackle. Y/n noticed her name tag said Robin. “Oh, I like her, Harrington. Can I keep her?”

He growled, moving over to the freezer that held the ice cream. “Just pick a flavor.”

Y/n ignored Steve and focused on the girl. “I can’t believe someone took my job on being the bane of Steve’s existence.”

Robin shrugged. “He makes it so easy.”

“I know, right?” She laughed with her.

Steve coughed.

She rolled her eyes and looked at him. Robin retreated into the backroom. “So, is it true you’re not a pretentious dick anymore?”

“I guess you could say that.” Steve answered, averting his eyes elsewhere. There seemed to be a shade of pink that pricked his cheeks and nose.

“Does that mean you bring girls back to your place on the second date instead of the first?”

He didn’t answer.

She sighed, looking up at the menu above him with all the flavors and combinations. “I would ask what you would recommend, but I feel like it’s vanilla.”

He gave her a sarcastic ha.

He thought for a moment before taking a scoop and making a cone of a golden brown ice cream, dark chocolate pieces poking out. “Here.” He walked to the cash register and held it over the counter.

“What is it?” Y/n narrowed her eyes.

“Ice cream.” Steve replied in a “duh” tone. He pushed it closer for her to take.

“Obviously.” She mumbled, taking it out of his hand. His fingers grazed hers, and she swore she felt a tingle. “Peanut Butter Cluster Delight.” He stood back, crossing his arms. Y/n took note on how his biceps hugged the sleeves of his uniform. She took a bite, the many flavors almost seemed overwhelming at first, but then they melted together smoothly against her tongue. She wouldn’t admit it to Steve, but he chose something delightful and delicious.

His face was scrunched up, cringing. “You bite your ice cream?”

“Shut up. How much do I owe you?” She dug into her back pocket to pull out some money.

Steve held out a hand, stopping her. “It’s on me.”

“You poisoned it. That’s what’s going on, isn’t it?” Y/n was somewhat convinced he had done something to it. Yet, she took another bite.

He smirked. “No, but what kind of boyfriend would I be if I made you pay?”

She almost smiled. Almost.

—

Y/n never expected to find herself physically fighting her best friend. She tried her best calling her name, reminding her who she was. She recounted stories and memories, but when she looked into Heather’s eyes. There was nothing but a cold dark stare.

Nancy Wheeler tried to warn her Heather would come after her. But she didn’t believe her.

When she arrived home after work, there Heather was, sitting on Y/n’s bed. Everything about her was different. Her stoic expression, straight posture, the black protruding veins in her neck.

“It will only hurt a little.” Whoever was possessing Heather said, as it pinned Y/n against her bedroom floor.

Y/n turned her head, sobbing, staring at the shaggy carpet. She could see dirty socks and loose change scattered. Would the old pink nail polish stain be the last thing she saw when she died? She closed her eyes, thinking about her favorite things. Hot tea with honey. The warm buttery vanilla smell that engulfed the house when her mother made cookies. The cold nights she spent on her porch swing. Peanut Butter Cluster Delight flavored ice cream. The smell of sea salt soap that reminded her of the beach. Laughing with her best friend about stupid boys. Crying with her best friend about moving off.

She snapped her eyes open. This was not Heather. Y/n screamed, lifting her hand up and whacking the creature’s head, forcing the thing to fly off her body.

Almost on cue, her bedroom door flew open. Nancy and her boyfriend Jonathan Byers stormed in holding weapons. She was dragged out of her house and forced to hide with them in a cabin in the middle of the woods with a bunch of kids. She tried to wrap her mind around this world they had been living in while she was worried about simple things like what to wear and who was kissing who. The life she had been living suddenly felt mundane and meaningless compared to theirs.

It was even more mind boggling when a slimy creature broke through the cabin and this girl– Eleven– used her mind to fight off a slimy tentacled creature. Y/n felt dazed as she stood off to the side, watching these people fight it so nonchalantly. Like it was their job.

They made a new safe haven in the supermarket so they could clean Eleven’s very large cut on her leg. Y/n felt queasy as the blood oozed and sputtered out. She broke off with Nancy and Jonathan, off to find soap and water. “So, this thing,” Y/n began. “You’ve fought it before?”

Nancy shared a look with Jonathan. “Listen, you’re just here so we can protect you from becoming like Heather. Possibly, from turning into that thing you saw.”

Y/n’s jaw ticked. “That didn’t answer my question.”

Nancy sighed, handing the water and soap to Jonathan and motioning for him to keep going. “No. Well, maybe. But it’s different now. It’s too complicated, and it’s best if you don’t get involved.”

She scoffed. “It’s a little too late for me not to be involved.”

Before the oldest Wheeler could answer, sounds of Mike yelling could be heard. The two of them jogged over to see what the issue was.

Next thing Y/n knew, they were heading back to the one place she felt like she couldn’t escape.

She led them through a secret hallway to the upstairs when they noticed a group of men dressed in black with guns. Mike whispered he could see his friend that they were looking for, and the gunmen were going straight to them. There was a look of relief on the group downstairs when El made a car crash into the strangers.

Although she had just seen a real life monster and a girl with superpowers. Nothing shocked her more than seeing no other than Steve Harrington in his stupid little sailor uniform, arguing with the group, letting Y/n know this wasn’t his first time either.

When he noticed her standing meekly behind Nancy, he pointed at her, shaking his head. “Who the hell brought her along?”

“Nice seeing you too, Harrington. What happened to your face? Lost a fight to a revolving door?” She shot back quickly. The kids all looked at one another. They were at a loss for words.

“Jesus.” He groaned, running a hand through his already messy hair. “Cut me some slack. I was just drugged and beaten to a pulp by Russians. I don’t need your shit today.”

Y/n let out a sorry. They all stared at her awkwardly, and suddenly she felt out of place. She excused herself and walked away.

Robin had come after her a few moments later, a sympathetic look on her face. They weren’t exactly friends, Y/n would say, but they’ve hung out for a few weeks while on breaks. It was enough for Robin to make sure everything was okay.

“You should have seen the shit I saw.” Y/n blew out a puff of air. “I think if I survive this, I’ll have to start smoking cigarettes.”

“That’s gross, Plus you’ll ruin your beautiful teeth.” Robin chuckled. “You missed it though. That El girl… some weird ugly slug came out of her leg.”

“Isn’t this all crazy? Like it’s almost unbelievable.” Y/n put her face into her hands. “And Harrington. Oh my god. He’s been through this before.” It hit her like a truck. His overnight shift in personality made better sense to her. There was a time when he probably was hanging out in the streets, playing baseball with a neighbor, waiting for the street lamps to turn on, telling him to get back home. He might have turned into a douchebag, but when his life was threatened, he was reminded he was just a young boy. That’s what he was. Just a young boy learning to survive.

Her new perspective on the brown eyed boy with stupid hair forced her to be silent around him. She didn’t even make fun of him when he called himself daddy as they piled into a sweet looking car to drive Dustin so he could make a large range radio signal.

Y/n felt like helping fight the monster was more bearable than sitting in the backseat and occasionally making eye contact with him. However, Nancy convinced her she didn’t want the chance of Heather finding her. Deep down, Y/n knew Nancy didn’t think she could fight off her best friend again.

She was probably right.

—-

There was a feeling Y/n had never experienced before. True gut wrenching heartbreak. The news that her best friend had perished in the end of the fight was like a knife had been twisted in her heart. She tried to remember quickly what Heather’s voice sounded like or the last time she had actually called to check on her. Her clouded mind failed her as she sat on the sidewalk, hugging herself.

She didn’t realize Steve had sat down next to her, until he offered her a bottle of water.

“Do you think they’ll mind if I call in sick tomorrow?” Y/n smiled weakly at her poor attempt to joke.

Steve let out a breathy laugh.

She noticed the blood on his face had dried, caking on his skin. It reminded her of last semester when he came to school with a black eye, and the year before that. She assumed it had been him fooling around with a girl that he shouldn’t have. Never did the idea of monsters from another dimension cross her mind.

It was at that moment that her dislike for him bubbled down. She now felt respect. She wouldn’t tell him that though.

Instead, she told him goodbye and got up to leave. She didn’t get too far before Steve called her name. “The first night is the hardest. When you’re all alone. It sucks.” He told her.

To be honest, she hadn’t thought of it that way. Alone in her room— the room she nearly died in. Even when she blinked, the nightmare she had lived flashed before her eyes. “What do you suggest I do?”

She wasn’t expecting a serious answer. She noticed the way his Adam’s apple bobbed. He was nervous. “You can stay with me. So you won’t be alone.”

Y/n smirked. “I had it all wrong. Steve Harrington doesn’t even wait until the first date to invite a girl over.”

Steve rolled his eyes. “Don’t cream your panties. Robin will be there too.” He started walking, leading her towards Robin.

“This is your evil plan. Comforting us tonight so we'll play out your wildest fantasies?” It felt somewhat normal again, bantering back and forth. She knew he secretly enjoyed it by the way his lips tugged into a grin. She wouldn’t say it out loud, but she enjoyed it too.

——

Y/n had only been to Steve’s house a handful of times. He hasn’t hosted a party since last year, and now she knows why.

Although she was familiar with the living room, and swimming pool in the backyard, it felt different stepping into his room. It was tidy besides the clothes strewn across the floor. It was funny watching him quickly running around the room to put it in a laundry basket in his bathroom.

They all took turns taking a shower, Robin, her, and then Steve. As soon as the water hit Y/n’s skin, it felt like the tension in her shoulders relaxed. It only took a few minutes for her to wash off, but she stood there, letting the warm water hit her back. She had picked up to read the different bottles in the bathroom. Tucked away in the corner, there was a soap bottle of Sea Salt Breeze.

When she walked out of the bathroom, Robin was already passed out under the covers of his bed. Steve trekked inside the bathroom.

Y/n sat with her back against his bed, knees against her chest, listening to the soft snores coming from Robin mixed with the patter of water coming from the shower. She heard him turn the shower off, his heavy footsteps padded around the bathroom. She heard a few curses and something clatter on the floor.

It took her a moment to make the decision. She got up and softly tapped on the door. “Come in.” His voice was weak and hoarse.

She opened the door slowly, revealing Steve in a pair of grey sweatpants and a navy sleep shirt. His hair was damp and brushed back out of his face. He had his palms against the counter, looking at his swollen eye and busted lip more closely. “Everything okay?” She sounded different to him. Concerned and gentle.

He turned his head. “Yeah I’m fine.”

She didn’t seem convinced by the way she crossed her arms against her chest and her eyebrow raised slightly. Steve sighed. “I just… I’m having a hard time getting this stupid contact lense out of my eye.”

Y/n had to refrain from laughing. Not only for Robin’s sake but not to upset him even more. Her pinched lips made him groan. “I’m sorry!” She walked up to him, climbing up on the counter to sit. There she saw the case that held glasses with black frames, contact solution, and the contact holder. He must hide them from the wandering eye. “Do you need help?”

He didn’t answer.

He stood up straight and moved in front of her, leaning forward and widening his right eye. He winced because his left eye tried to widen with it. She told him to relax. Opening the eye up with her thumb and pointer finger with one hand, she used her other hand to pinch the contact out of his eyes, setting it in the holder with solution. When she turned her head back to face him, she realized how close he was.

The last time they were like this was at Carol Perkin’s birthday party in eight grade. Y/n was more than nervous when the bottle landed on her in a game of seven minutes in heaven. He had a stupid grin plastered on his young freckled face. At that age, Steve had been everyone’s first school girl crush. He was goofy and charismatic. There was also that time in seventh grade he returned that pencil he borrowed. No one had returned her pencil before.

Who wouldn’t want to kiss him?

He still had those few freckles on his face. His breath still smells like mint toothpaste. His body still smelled like she was walking along the beach. His lips were chapped and cracked. She brushed her finger over the cut dangerously close to his bottom lip. “You need to clean that. You don’t want it getting infected.”

He moved away from her, and she felt cold.

He opened the mirror above the sink, pulling out a first aid kit, coming back and handing it to her. When she gave him a look, he shrugged. “Can’t see. Remember?”

He stared at her as she took care of the wound. She knew he was. She could feel the hot blazed glare burning into her skin. It made her itch.

When she finished, he stepped back and looked into the mirror again. “I won’t be able to step outside for weeks.”

“Wear the glasses. People might be too distracted by those than your black eye.” She slid off the counter, patting his shoulder. No, she didn’t do it just to see how his muscles felt.

Before she pulled away, Steve’s hand came up and was placed on top of hers. It was large and calloused, yet it was also gentle and warm. “Hey.”

“Hey,” she answered.

“Does this make us friends now?” He asked, taking his hand away, facing her, leaning back onto the counter.

Her eyes scanned over him, thinking to herself how odd the question was. Why did he care if they were friends? “Let’s not get ahead of ourselves, Harrington.”

But when she laid on his bed that night, too afraid to sleep, her mind couldn’t help but think how her only friend was gone. She wouldn’t tell him, but maybe the idea of calling Steve her friend wasn’t as absurd as she thought.

——

Winter had always been Y/n’s favorite season. The white glow of fluffy snow when she stepped outside or how icicles hung from above. Her house always smelled like gingerbread and pine needles.

It wasn’t until she sat against hot concrete, feet dipped in the pool, watching Steve and Robin argue about diving techniques. It wasn’t until three weeks ago when Steve had asked the two of them to come over to swim and he had answered his front door in only his swim trunks. It wasn’t until this was now a ritual— every day she and Robin would arrive at Steve’s door, wearing their swimsuits under their clothes, holding a pack of beers from the corner store, carrying mischievous smiles. It wasn’t until some days, they would venture inside and put on a movie. Robin would make claim to the loveseat and Y/n had the couch. Steve laid his back on the floor, but on one occasion he plopped on the other side of her, propping his feet into Y/n’s lap.

Although she was sad, and experienced something so traumatic, summer seemed to be irrevocably irreplaceable. The warm sun, melting popsicles that ran on her fingers making them sticky, staying out too late were all the things that made her feel young and in love with summer again.

It sucked that they all were jobless, but none of their parents pushed for them to get a new one after everything that had happened. Also, it was Hawkins. The job market was slim to none.

It was good to just be a kid again.

Y/n laughed as Robin and Steve had gotten into a heated childish argument that resulted in her pushing Steve off the diving board. Y/n felt the drops of water hit her face and legs, but she didn’t care. Steve came back to surface, wiping his stinging eyes, swearing words that even sailors would wince at. He turned towards her, pretending to be angry that she was laughing too hard, swimming towards her. She yelled at him to leave her alone, kicking the water so it would splash him. He grabbed her ankles so she would stop.

She leaned her head forward, peering over the Ray Ban sunglasses she had– borrowed– from Steve. Water beaded on his forehead. His wet hair clung to his face. His nose was pink from the sun, exaggerating the tiny freckles that kissed his face. The sun cast a golden glow on his tan skin. “Help me out.” He stuck his hand out for her to take.

“There’s a ladder over there.” Y/n replied, kicking her free foot slightly against his chest.

Robin had made fun of him earlier today on how hairy it had become.

“If you don’t help me, I’ll pull you in.” He threatened.

Y/n watched as Robin cannonballed off the diving board, causing the pool water to ripple into tiny waves. Steve gave her a toothy grin. She didn’t trust him one bit, but she knew he would keep bothering her if she didn’t give in. She rolled her head back, sighing, taking his hand in hers. As she expected, he used all his strength to pull her arm and leg, placing her over his shoulder. His hand was settled at the back of her thigh, and a little too close to the bottom of her ass. The sunglasses had fallen to the bottom. She didn’t even try to fight him as he threw her into the middle of the pool. By the time she had come back up, he was climbing out before she could get revenge.

“You guys want some pizza rolls?” He asked, picking up his towel off one of the pool chairs, shaking his hair in it.

When he received a yes from both Robin and Y/n he retreated into the house.

Y/n seemed to let out a deep breath, as she watched him. She swam back under the water to retrieve the sunglasses, surprised when she resurfaced to see Robin looking at her smugly. “What?”

“I used to think you were cool.” Robin said, propping her elbows up on the ledge.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Y/n asked.

Her new-found friend shrugged. “When I first met you, I thought you found him as irritable as I do. But the rest of the summer I’ve had to endure the two of you disgustingly flirting all the time. You’ve fallen under his spell.”

Y/n scoffed. Robin sounded ridiculous right now. “Robin, I am not flirting with Steve Harrington.”

Robin hummed, clearly not believing a word.

“Even if I did flirt with him. It’s not like I’m the one he’s interested in.” Y/n gave her a pointed look. She had noticed Steve and Robin were closer and seemed to come to an understanding of one another. He always had a smile on his face around her and even touched her a lot more than he did Y/n.

Robin nearly choked on her own laughter. “Me? Oh my god. No no no no. Never. Nope. Trust me on this one, Y/n.”

“Why not? You’re pretty and… you get along very well.”

Robin closed her eyes, biting her lip. The look on her face was serious. “I don’t like Steve. If I did like someone, it would be someone like you.”

Y/n raised her eyebrow. “I don’t understand.”

“I’m a lesbian.” Her voice was soft, but Y/n could still hear the raspy words loud and clear.

There was a sudden shift in her perception on the both of them. It wasn’t bad. But the secret whispers if the three of them had gone out made a lot more sense. Y/n smiled at her. Not one of those smiles full of pity. A real genuine friendly and encouraging smile. “Is that why you never argue when Steve puts on Risky Business?”

Robin splashed her and told her to shut up.

The rest of the day, now that they were dried off and back inside, Y/n couldn’t help but think about what Robin had mentioned. It was like she had to analyze every single move that Steve made or said. When they settled in the living room and he settled on the couch like last time, Y/n quickly slid to the floor, nervous that he might put his feet in her lap again. She looked down at her fidgeting fingers when she noticed Robin gave her a strange look.

Really, the entire night she had brushed him off or barely spoke to him.

It had gotten late. Robin decided to spend the night. Steve offered an invitation to Y/n, but she quickly rejected, making a lame excuse about waking up early to do chores. She said her goodbyes, quickly walking out of the house to her car.

“Y/n!”

Steve’s voice called out to her when she made it about halfway. She turned around. “Yeah?”

“Everything good? You seemed… off tonight.” His porch light shone on his face. She could still see the faded bruise underneath his eye.

“I’m just tired is all.” She lied. Although, she didn’t know the entire truth to what she was feeling.

“You coming by tomorrow?” He asked her.

“If I didn’t know any better. You sound a bit obsessed with me, Harrington.”

She was too far away to see the pink that spread across his cheeks. “No,” he sputtered out. “You wish.”

There was a beat.

“I have a date tomorrow. That’s why I asked.”

Robin had been wrong to assume anything more was going on between the two of them. She relaxed her shoulders, feeling at ease that Steve was interested in someone else. “Who on Earth agreed to go on a date with you?” It was a joke. Only a joke. That’s why he scoffed and flipped her off before going back inside without saying goodnight.

Maybe she should go inside and apologize. Maybe she should even tell him she changed her mind and wanted to stay.

She didn’t.

She thought Steve had been lying about his supposed date. But after she had called his house two days later, sobbing that her car wouldn’t start, he had pulled up and in the passenger side was a freshly permed redhead. There seemed to be a scowl on her face as she watched Steve look under the hood of Y/n’s car.

“Date go well yesterday?” Y/n gave her a taunting wave.

Steve shot her a warning look. “Yeah, I guess. I was um… about to take her home when you called.”

“Gonna see her again?” Y/n kicked at the pebbles on the ground.

“I dunno.” He answered, tinkering with something Y/n had no clue what the name was. “She wasn’t too happy that I had to come help a friend who is a girl.”

“Did I interrupt your morning coitus?”

Steve quickly straightened up, hitting his head on the hood. He backed up, clutching the spot, cursing. He sat on the ground in pain.

The girl quickly jumped out of the car and ran up to him, wrapping her arms around his shoulders. “Sweetheart! Are you okay? Why are you just standing there and laughing? Go get him an ice pack or something.” The red haired girl glared at Y/n.

“Don’t worry. I think his hair prevents any trauma to the skull.” Y/n snorted.

The girl narrowed her eyes. “Some friend you are.”

“Harrington, tell your girlfriend to relax.”

“She’s not my girlfriend!”

The red headed girl huffed, pulling away from Steve. “I’m walking home.”

She must have expected Steve to come after her, because she turned around twice to see if he would let her. But he just sat there, watching her walk away.

Without another word about the redhead with no name he finished working on her car.

—

Y/n shrugged off her jacket when she walked into the video store, placing it on the counter. She could hear quiet arguing from the backroom. The voices got louder as they ventured into the store.

Robin was the first to walk out with a stack of VHS tapes. “Thank god you’re back.” She proclaimed when she realized Y/n was there. “Your hair is shorter.”

Y/n couldn’t help but touch the end of her hair, smiling bashfully at her new decision. She looked over at Steve who hadn’t acknowledged her presence. “Hello to you too, Harrington.”

The duo had finally found themselves a job towards the beginning of the school year. Y/n had tried to convince Steve to apply to the community college she attended, but he pushed it aside. He said that he needed to figure himself out first. She wondered what he even did when Robin and her were gone during the day and if it involved “figuring himself out.”

He grumbled, putting his own stack of tapes on the cart. Robin rolled her eyes. “He’s trying to play it cool, but he missed you. The entire week you were gone he kept whining and asking me if it was Saturday yet.” Robin whispered to her so he couldn’t hear.

Y/n had gone on vacation during Thanksgiving break to Florida at her aunt’s beach house. It was only a week, but it felt like a lifetime being away from Hawkins. Being away from them. Robin. Steve.

Y/n watched Steve roll the cart over to a shelf, wordlessly putting tapes into their rightful place.

Robin tilted her head towards him, silently telling Y/n to talk to him. She slowly made her way over to him, leaning her body against the side of his body, propping her hands on his shoulder, and resting her chin on them. He didn’t flinch or budge. In fact, she swore he moved closer into her touch. “Guess what.”

“Hm?” He continued to put the movies in their place.

Y/n moved off of him, retrieving a folded envelope from her pocket, pushing it in front of his face. He backed his head up so he could get a better view. “Is that…”

Y/n nodded.

She bit her lip as he took the letter out of her hand. “Why didn’t you open it?”

“I couldn’t do it myself. You’re the one who stayed up with me every night to make sure I finished my homework and helped me study. If I failed my midterms, I want you to be the one to break it to me.” She motioned her hands, encouraging him to open it.

Steve set a copy of Jaws on the shelf. He dragged his finger slowly against the seal. Y/n bounced on her feet in anticipation, leaning forward as he took the piece of paper out. His eyes scanned the contents of the paper. He shook his head, giving her a disappointing smile. “I can’t believe you managed to pass all of your midterms.”

Y/n’s eyes bulged, quickly snatching the paper out of his hand to see for herself. Sure enough, she had managed to get a passing grade in each course. “We did it!” She proclaimed, wrapping her arms excitedly around his neck.

It took Steve a second before he hugged her back, patting her. “No, you did it yourself, Y/n.”

She couldn’t help it. She gave him a tight squeeze, burying her face in his neck. “Thank you.” She muttered. When she pulled away, he ran hand through his hair, smiling awkwardly. “We should celebrate or something.”

Steve leaned his elbow on the shelf, but it hit the tape he had just set down, causing it to flip. Luckily he caught it as it tumbled in the air. “Yeah. How about pizza and a movie at my place?” He suggested as he set the tape carefully back on the shelf.

“As long as I get to pick the movie.”

“Anything for you. Tomorrow at nine sounds okay?”

“Good with me.”

“Great. It’s a date.” Steve picked up Jaws and pushed it between the row of movies. He then rolled the cart to a new shelf, leaving Y/n frozen in place. He didn’t seem to notice the choice of words he had used. He’s used it before. But somehow his tone of voice felt different.

Shaking her head, she turned around and walked over to her who was leaning over the counter. Y/n picked up her jacket. Robin gave her a smug look. “What?”

“A date, huh?” Robin had lowered her voice.

Y/n looked at the floor. “You know it’s not like that.” Normally, these “dates” included Robin. Yet, she acted like she knew something Y/n didn’t.

“Do you want it to be like that?” Y/n was used to Robin questioning her feelings for Steve.

Y/n could admit that the two of them have gotten closer but there was nothing more. When he touched her it was nothing more than a friendly squeeze. When they spoke it was always friendly banter. He never had any hidden reasoning behind it.

“He’s just Steve to me.” Y/n replied.

Robin was not convinced.

The next day, Y/n arrived at Steve’s house. When she walked in the door it felt weird and quiet. “Where’s Robin?”

He plopped on the loveseat that Robin would normally take over. He was wearing his glasses and his hair was messy. He looked like he had just woken up from a nap. “Not here.”

“Obviously. Why didn’t you invite her?” Y/n went over to the television, popping the movie she had brought inside the player.

“I did invite her. She said she couldn’t make it.” Steve threw the remote towards her.

Y/n let a deep breath out. Robin was a conniving sly mischievous sneaky bastard. Y/n wondered if she should turn around and tell Steve that their mutual friend was trying to parent trap them. She didn’t though.

Steve and her had hung out plenty of times by themselves and nothing happened. This was no different.

Although, she did have a difficult time paying attention to the movie, glancing over periodically as he had his knee in the air and hand under his head, parading his bicep. It would be so easy to go over and sit between his legs and lay down on his stomach. Her thoughts were distracted when his doorbell rang. She paused the movie to allow him to get up and answer the door, walking back into the living room with a box of pizza. He set it on the coffee table in front of the couch, grabbing a slice, and took a seat on the other side.

Y/n had to keep repeating to herself he only sat there because it was easier to share the pizza that way.

She must have been staring because he looked over at her, making a face. “You gonna start the movie back?”

She had a hard time focusing, and Steve looked nothing but bored out of his mind and they still had about thirty minutes left of the movie. He must have sensed it. “Guess who came into the store this week?” He said, eyes still focused on the screen, taking another bite of his third pizza slice.

“Who?” She asked him.

“Tommy. Haven’t seen him since graduation.” Steve answered. There was a glimpse of sadness in his eyes. Tommy used to be one of his best friends. It shocked her and Heather at the beginning of senior year when they barely acknowledged each other’s existence. “Him and Carol split up. Crazy right? He said she went off to the University of Texas.”

“I never really spoke to her before except in eighth grade.” Y/n wiped her hands clean on a napkin, bringing her knees into her chest.

“I remember you two belted out Call Me at her birthday party.” Steve laughed. His attention was finally on you.

She laughed at the memory of her and Carol Perkins standing on top of Carol’s mother’s expensive new dining table, singing horribly out of tune to Blondie. “Oh my god. I completely forgot about that! How did you even remember?”

“I remember a lot of things about that night.” Steve’s face had changed into something she couldn’t quite place her finger on, but it disappeared as quick as it came. He smirked, nudging his foot on her leg. “Even the kiss.”

“I didn’t think you would remember that happening.” She couldn’t help but feel embarrassed that they were talking about it almost six years later.

“Why would I forget my first kiss?” Steve chuckled.

The comment was almost unbelievable. Surely he was lying. What about the rumor that he kissed Betty Wyatt’s cousin in seventh grade? “I try to forget it.” She teased him, hoping it would distract from the shy look she was giving. “You were a bad kisser.”

Steve scoffed, but the smile stayed. He leaned over and hit her knee. “I was not that bad.”

She nodded her head violently. “Yes, you were. It felt like you were trying to suck a straw.”

“I’m sorry I was not born with natural kissing abilities like you. I bet you only knew what to do because you practiced on a poster of Donny Osmond.” He yelped when she kicked her foot against his.

“That is just not true. It was Kevin Bacon.”

“Yeah, well unlike you, I was not a weirdo.” She tried to kick him again, but grabbed both of her calves, pulling her towards him. “Had to practice the old-fashioned way. No other girls have complained so far. Must be doing something right.”

“Then why haven’t any of your relationships lasted?” She raised an eyebrow. She opened her mouth, gasping in revelation. “Maybe it’s not your commitment issues but your terrible lip-action.” She poked his forehead.

Before, when they hadn’t been friends yet, that comment would have pissed him off. However, instead, he rolled his eyes, jabbing her side so she would yelp in laughter. “A lot has changed since eighth grade, Y/n. My kissing skills are phenomenal.”

“Then show me.”

Shit.

She didn’t mean to say that out loud. She didn’t even mean to let the thought cross her mind. By the look on his face, eyes wide, lips parted as if he was unsure what to say, he was just as taken aback as she was. But she couldn’t help it.The glow of the television screen gleamed on his glasses. The light danced on his face, defining his jaw line. He didn’t look like the eighth grade boy she fancied. Nor did he look like the high school boy she despised. Now, he looked pretty and grown up.

She gulped at his lack of response. “I… I was kidding, Harrington. Don’t cream your pants.” She playfully shoved his chest, looking anywhere but his eyes.

“Oh.” He said.

“Even if I wasn’t kidding. It would be no different than in eighth grade. It wouldn’t mean anything. It would be just for fun.” She should probably just shut up now before he kicked her out of his house for crossing the line.

“Okay.” He shrugged.

Her eyes met his again. Slanted and hooded. Not phased at all that he was agreeing on kissing his friend. She crossed her legs and he mirrored her. Their knees touched.

There was no slow build up or lingering looks. Steve quickly leaned in, giving her a chaste kiss.

When he pulled back she frowned. “Really?”

“What?” He shrugged. He was holding back and she didn’t understand why.

“That was barely a kiss.” She crossed her arms.

He took a deep breath and removed his glasses, setting them down on the coffee table. He turned back towards her, running his tongue along his bottom lip while staring at hers. He placed his hand on the side of her face, thumb brushing over his cheek. This time, he leaned in slowly, until their lips met once again.

Her hands laid stupidly by her side as their lips melted against one another. She was afraid to touch him. She was afraid if she did touch him this friendly kiss would become more.

She wasn’t sure when his hand came to the back of her neck, pulling her deeper. She was the one who invited his tongue in, parting her lips, allowing it to glide over the roof of her mouth before dipping it against her own.

Maybe it was the guttural moan that came out of him that she found herself climbing into his lap, hands finally touching him. She broke away. He tried to chase her lips, whimpering. “I should probably go.”

Steve looked over at the television. “The movie isn’t over.” The movie had been long forgotten.

“I have class tomorrow.” She argued.

Steve gripped her sides. “Please stay. At least until the movie is over.”

Her lips found his again. More greedy and intense than the last time. She couldn’t help but grab a fistful of his hair, tugging it. That same moan from earlier came back. He came up for a breath of air like he had been drowning for hours. Y/n herself felt like she was in a whirlpool. Her head spinning, stomach flipping.

Their noses bumped into one another as he angled his head. His lips moved to her jaw then to her neck. Licking and nipping the soft skin. “Harrington.” She sighed.

“Hm?”

“You know this isn’t going to be a thing, right?” He looked up, lips pink and swollen. His eyes clouded with desire. “I don’t like you or anything.”

“Okay.” He tried to lean back in, but she stopped him. He rolled his eyes. “What do you want me to say? We both agreed it’s only for fun.”

A part of her wished she hadn't said anything. A part of her wanted him to argue and tell her it wasn’t just fun for him and he liked her.

She was ready to get off his lap again and run out of his house. The air was suffocating. But then he shifted, and she felt the hardness under the soft cotton of his sweatpants, brushing lightly against the back of her thigh. She hitched her breath.

His fingers pushed the hem of her shirt, brushing her bare stomach. “You know this only confirms that you don’t wait until the first date.”

“Do you believe the only thing I think about is sex?” He quizzed her. There was the playful smirk on his face that he always gave her when he wanted her to pick on him.

“Actually, yes. Probably the longest committed relationship you’ve had.” The anxious feeling gnawing on her brain loosened. She leaned over and whispered in his ear. “I can also feel your dick.”

He flushed.

“Look at you getting all flustered. You’re too pretty for your own good, Harrington.” She smiled smugly when he grew redder at the compliment.

She squeezed his warm pink freckled cheeks, making his lips pucker out. “Do the other girls get you worked up like me?”

He shook his head. He didn’t need to though. She knew the girls he brought home didn’t speak to him in such a way.

That was one thing about her that Steve found most enthralling. She was never different around him. Even when he makes a comment that flustered her, she could come back with full force. It was like they were on opposite ends of one of those Newton’s cradles.

“I’m not expecting to have sex.” He assured her.

“I know.” She was ready for him to shut up. She bucked her hip.

“Shit.” Steve groaned from the pressure in his pants. His palms ran up and down her bare sides, thumbing the fabric of her bra underneath. There was a shaky breath he let out when she grinded against him. “What about you?”

“What about me?”

“Are you expecting to have sex?”

She dipped down, kissing his sweet lips. “I’m just having fun before the movie is over.”

“You’re avoiding the question.” His hands were still now, resting on her ribs.

She threw her head back, agitated. “I dunno! I’ve never even had sex before. I don’t know what I want to happen.”

Steve’s eyes went wide, quickly removing his hands from under her. “But you acted like you’ve done this before.”It came out as a question.

“Confidence gets you a long way.” She mumbled. “Now you’re treating me like I’m going to break if you touch me.”

“No. No! That’s not… I don’t want you to feel like you are making a mistake.” Steve’s face softened with concern.

“We’re already making a mistake. What’s one more? Show me what I’ve been missing all these years.”

This wasn’t what she had imagined her first time. It had always been someone she cared about deeply. There was a trail of rose petals and satin sheets. Her lips would taste of the red wine she had just drank with maybe a hint of strawberries. She would wear a well thought out lingerie set which would slowly be taken off her and her body would be ravished, idolized, relished. She had always thought those were the things that would make her first time perfect.

Never did she imagine it would be Steve Harrington, laying her on his couch after he had just taken her shirt off, her bra not long after. Her breasts in his mouth, sticky and wet as he lapped his tongue over her nipples.

More clothes seemed to disappear between them. The glow of the television melted into his skin. She brushed her fingers over the freckles on his ribs. It was something she wanted to do months ago when they were swimming in his pool.

His hand slipped between her thighs, sliding up. She was only wearing underwear now, and embarrassingly enough, it wasn’t anything cute or fancy. “Who’s the worked up one now?” He commented as he slipped his hand inside her underwear, feeling the wetness.

“Can’t help it. You’re so pretty, Harrington.” She mewled. She was happy to discover the compliment made him red-faced and clumsy. She was going to use that to her advantage.

“Can I touch you?” He asked.

“You are.”

“Not what I meant.”

His fingers felt like electricity. Gliding, massaging against her sweet area. His lips were on hers again, sucking, nibbling her bottom lip. He was hungry for more.

When he removed her underwear and kissed her pelvis, it began to hit her that she was naked and about to sleep with Steve Harrington. Her– unlikely– friend Steve Harrington. “Steve.” She let out a wanton moan as his tongue made contact with her swollen clit.

He lifted her legs onto his shoulders, hands wrapped over her thighs, gripping the insides. He pushed his face deeper, moaning against her.

“You look so pretty between my legs.” She chuckled when he looked up at her, eyes hazy, drunk on her. He flicked his tongue faster, and she tried to clench her legs together but he spread them back apart.

He came up for a moment, a string of salvia between his mouth and her. “You okay?”

“Really? You’re checking on me now?” She complained, wiggling for him to continue.

There was a moment.

He looked at her intensely, watching her chest rise and fall. He took note of how her eyes glimmered. How beautiful she looked on the couch, the cushions enveloping around her bare body. Before his thoughts could stray further from just friends territory, he returned his mouth on her, taking one of his hands, he moved his hand off her thigh. “Eyes on me.”

He groaned when she parted her lips, a soft gasp escaping as he slowly slipped his middle finger inside of her. He pumped it in and out. Hot sticky sounds mixed with soft moans and grunts. “Jesus…”

“Feel okay?”

She nodded.

He slipped a second finger in.

Dear god, she felt she was floating in the air as his tongue lapped and circled her clit, sucking, and occasionally his teeth grazing. It all felt surreal like if she closed her eyes and opened them back up he wouldn’t be there. Maybe that’s why she tangled her fingers into his dark mop of hair, ensuring he was real and wouldn’t disappear. Maybe she also gripped his hair after he curled his fingers, hitting a sensitive spot. Maybe she held on tighter because that bubbling feeling at the base of her stomach appeared, her eyes watering, and her breath irregular, her walls tightened around his fingers, her high pouring all over them.

He kissed her thigh, letting her catch her breath and revel in the orgasm, fingers still inside of her. She stared at white the ceiling above her, trying to refocus her eyes. Steve took his fingers out, and crawled out from underneath her. His fingers were slick and wet. Her eyes went wide at the sight of him, taking his tongue, licking them, putting them in his mouth, and taking them out with a pop.

He’s hovered above her now, and she’s happy. It had been too long since they had kissed. It felt like ages ago she had only asked him to kiss her as a challenge, to prove that he wasn’t the goofy freckled boy anymore.

He wanted to kiss her, she could tell by the way he leaned in. However, when she saw his wet depraved red lips, she found herself cupping his jaw, rubbing her thumb over them, brushing it against his tongue. His eyes fluttered shut for a second and she could feel him twitch against her. “Fuck.” He whispered. “Fuck… you. I need… you so bad.” When he opened his eyes, she noted the plea that shone in them. She could imagine he would hate her if she didn’t let him by the wrecked expression on his face. “I need to hear it from you.”

“Okay.” She tried to kiss him but he moved his head back.

“No, that’s not what I meant.” He rested his tongue on his bottom lip, that smug look appearing, knowing it would piss her off.

“Just fuck me already, Harrington.” She threw her head back on the couch, exasperated.

It was a quick swift movement, him removing his underwear, his dick slapping his stomach.

She tried not to react. She had always assumed his size would not be disappointing. Sometimes he wore too tight of jeans and sometimes she found herself staring at the bulge it would make.

He took himself by the hand, sliding it against her folds, teasing her. He leaned in one last time. “It’s all yours. I just need you to say the words.”

She let out a laugh of disbelief, looking away from his intense gaze. “I need you.” She whispered.

“I couldn’t hear you.” Steve leaned his ear closer.

“You’re blind, Harrington. Not hard of hearing. I’m not saying it again.”

“Not the time to be stubborn, Y/n.” He tsked, caressing her breast, pinching her hardened nipple.

“I need you, Steve. Please.” She hated begging, but the pathetic look on his face when she said please, made her stomach swell.

He slowly inserted himself into her, sinking slowly. He made sure she was okay before he started to move his hips, slow careful thrusts, in and out of her.

She looked over at the television screen and almost laughed. The credits were rolling.

Steve grabbed her jaw, making her turn her face back towards him. “Look at me.” He bucked his hip, his entire length filling her. He did it again, and again. Y/n gasped, clenching her thighs against his waist. “Trust me, it will feel better to keep them wide.” He gently pushed them apart for her, continuing a steady rhythm. Marveling the fact his entirety was completely sheathed inside of her.

She could barely stand it, her shaky hands grabbed his arms, proving to be as strong and muscular as they looked. Her nails dug into his soft tan flesh when he rolled his hips.

“Feel good?” Steve asked.

“It’s alright.” Her mouth was wide, grinning. She knew that he knew she was lying. It was amazing, but it felt even more fun to tease him, watching his eyebrows crease when he was annoyed, trying to prove to her he was beyond just “alright.”

“It would feel even better if I wasn’t doing all the work here, sweetheart.” He used the nickname in a condescending tone, but it didn’t stop her stomach from flipping, and a breath hitching in her throat. He grabbed the side of her ass, pulling it up, allowing the tip of him to brush over her cervix. “Move your hips with me.”

She did as she was told, her pelvis hitting his, colliding together in a sound of sticky slaps. “Fuck. Yes.” He leaned down and gave a sloppy kiss. She took his bottom lip between her teeth. He couldn’t hide the loud moan. He gave her ass another squeeze. “Try to keep in rhythm with me, baby.”

His hooded eyes were half-closed, hypnotized and intoxicated. “You’re so gorgeous.” He mumbled, flushing his chest against hers, nuzzling his face into the crook of her neck, placing tender kisses. “So beautiful.”

He sounded like she had broken him.

“How do I feel?” He asked again.

Her arms snaked around him, fingers brushing over his shoulder blades. “I told you already.”

“That answer wasn’t good enough.” He pulled his hips back, nearly completely out of her, before slamming back down. Her thighs came back around him, and he pushed them apart, giving unrelentless thrusts, groaning and grunting, her walls clenching around him, her body never wanting to let go of him.

Everytime he sank back inside of her, hitting the right spot, short whiny breaths of air escaped her.

“I like the sounds you make.” She admitted.

Although she was beneath him, she still felt some sort of power, knowing her words could determine his next move or destroy him. Like now, his eyes were closed, lips parted, cursing under his breath.

“I need to hear you again.”

“Hear what?” She asked in a sharp breath of air.

“Since you won’t say how good I make you feel. I want to hear it.” He quickly took himself out of her, and the sudden lack of warmth almost made her cry. He sat so his backside was against the back of the couch. He pulled her hand, motioning for her to come over, guiding her to straddle him.

She placed her forehead on his as he lifted her up and led her back onto him, swearing as she sank down. She placed her hands on his neck, his on her back, the two of them moaning and kissing as she rocked back and forth.

“That’s perfect. You’re perfect.” He murmured.

She shivered as his hand trailed down to her hips, grabbing the flesh. He began to harmonize with her rhythm. Her mouth found his neck, sucking a rosy bloom. She pushed herself harder against him, feeling his base brush her clit. “Y/n.” His voice was weak, pleading.

She pecked his lips. “It feels so good.” She groaned in satisfaction. “You make me feel so good.”

His composure faltered, her words sending him over the edge. His hips continued to buck up, but each one a little faster and a little harder, his cock unrelentlessly penetrating inside of her, hitting her G-spot.

“Steve.” She had said under her breath.

“Steve.” She moaned a little louder so he could hear her.

It was almost too overwhelming. “Steve.” She felt her climax wash over her, body falling forward, face in his neck. He continued to fuck her through it, making her cry from the intensity of pleasure pulsating throughout her body. It wasn’t long after her that he choked a groan, nails digging into her hips, one last deep thrust, releasing his own orgasm in her.

They stayed like that for what seemed like forever. Her face in his neck, panting, limbs numb. He was staring at the ceiling, chest heaving, running his hand up and down her back.

“That was fun.” He spoke out loud, not particularly to her, but to fill the silence.

“Yeah.” Her voice was shaky. She brought up her face, looking him in the eyes. She leaned in for another kiss, but that seemed too romantic. It was too much for just two friends that only had sex for fun and not because they liked each other. Instead of kissing his soft glossy lips, she kissed him on his cheek. Ignoring the feeling that she wanted to.

—-

Y/n couldn’t believe in only a few hours marked 365 days that Earth had gone around the sun.

It had been 180 days since Starcourt and Heather’s death. It had been 30 days since she had sex with Steve for the first time.

Nothing had changed. There was still bantering between them. They still hung out. Steve had even gone on a few dates after, but Y/n could admit something was different. Stolen looks, lingering touches, and maybe the fact they had sex three times after that.

It had been a week after the first time Steve showed up at her doorstep, a desperate look in his eyes. It didn’t take long for them to sneak up to her bedroom, his hand over her mouth, trying not to catch her parent’s attention.

The next was when he had gone on a date with Beth Newman. Apparently, it ended terribly, calling Y/n to come over. He kept telling her he didn’t ask her to come over for just sex, but a little part of her knew that was a lie.

But the last time felt different than any of the other times. There was no failed date, no desperation.

It was Christmas Day and Y/n had invited him over to celebrate with him after he had mentioned his parents were going to Las Vegas. Robin was in Indianapolis having Christmas with her grandparents. Steve was going to be all alone on Christmas and it bothered Y/n. Even though he showed up at her front door she had been shocked he showed up, wearing one of the ugliest brown sweaters she had ever seen.

They spent the afternoon eating and talking with her family. They even watched A Charlie Brown Christmas. It was tradition for the family to bake banana bread the night before and after their own festivities would go around the neighborhood to pass them out. However, Y/n and Steve stayed behind.

The house smelled of honey glazed ham and mashed potatoes that lingered from dinner. Y/n walked into the living room with two mugs of peppermint hot chocolate, warm enough for marshmallows to melt but cool enough to drink. Steve was staring at the Christmas tree decorated in lights and garland. He gave her a sweet smile, taking the mug from her. “I don’t remember the last time our family decorated the Christmas tree together. Usually, I’d come home to find it already up.”

She could tell he wasn’t telling her this to make her feel bad for him.

“I have a present for you.” He told her, setting his mug down, walking over to the coat closet her mother had told him to put his jacket in. He came back, holding a poorly wrapped golden box.

Y/n had sat down in front of the electrical fireplace, criss crossed, watching him walk to her. “I didn’t get you anything.”

He smiled, sitting next to her. “It’s okay.” He handed her the present, leaning back on his hands, arm brushing hers, watching her run her fingers over the wrapping.

“It’s a good thing you don’t work at a gift store. Your wrapping skills are atrocious.” She nudged him.

“Henderson wouldn’t help me.” He had grumbled, looking away so she couldn’t see his flushed cheeks.

She smirked, ripping the paper off, revealing a square black velvet box. She glanced over at him. He was chewing on his bottom lip, hitting the top of his feet together, and not looking at her. She opened the box, letting out a quiet gasp.

Inside was a dainty silver bracelet. There was nothing entirely special or spectacular about it, but the way the white lights from the tree shined on it and the fact it was from Steve, everything made it more special. “It’s beautiful, Steve.”

“Yeah?” He looked at her, noticing the gleam in her eyes.

She nodded, placing a quick kiss on his lips, taking it out of the box. “Will you help me put it on?”

Steve, still shocked from the kiss, coughed. He sat up and silently helped her clasp the bracelet on her wrist, looking up at her when he was done, hand still on hers. She called it beautiful again, only to herself, but he had heard it. “For a beautiful girl.”

She snorted, but couldn’t help but feel nervous. She still wasn’t used to the blatant flirting or compliments he gave her. “How long were we holding in that cheesy comment?”

His thumb rubbed the inside of her wrist, feeling her pulse. He took the leap and kissed her softly. So soft it felt like he wasn’t kissing her at all. She placed her hand on his face, pulling him in, deepening the kiss. There was no hesitation when she asked if he wanted to go to her room, leaving behind the now room temperature hot chocolate.

“Surprised you didn’t make fun of my sweater.” He had told her, smiling, between their heated kisses on her bed.

She smiled back, showing all her teeth, tugging the hem of said sweater, helping him tug it off. “It’s Christmas. Decided to be nice.”

All the touches and kisses he gave her that night were softer, longer, and slower than before. Like he was savoring everything about her. Marveling her in nothing but the silver bracelet on her wrist.

And now she had to sit in an uncomfortable dress at his parent’s New Year’s party, watching him talk to one of his dad’s co-worker’s daughters. She was clean, gorgeous and straight-laced. Her blonde hair was straight and shiny. Y/n couldn’t help but glare at the way she laughed when Steve told a joke, touching his elbow lightly.

They hadn’t talked about Christmas or acknowledged it. Not even two days ago when they had gotten high in her car and made out.

“These sandwiches are probably the best thing ever.” Robin commented, mouth full of the finger turkey sandwiches. “Steve’s parents might suck but they know how to throw a hell of a party.”

“What do you think they’re talking about?” Y/n asked, rolling her eyes when the girl brushed a strand of hair behind her ear.

“Who?” Robin followed her gaze, trying not to smirk. “Not sure. She’s kind of hot.”

Y/n shot her a dirty look.

Robin laughed. “Not my fault you have a crush on him.”

“I do not!” Y/n’s voice raised and was higher than normal. A few bystanders gave the pair an odd look before returning back to their conversations. Y/n coughed, taking a sip of the sparkling cider in her hand. Steve had promised later he would sneak them some booze, but he was too busy flirting and the night was coming to a close.

“Hm.” Robin stuffed another sandwich in her mouth. “Don’t worry, if she sees that hickey he’s been trying to cover all evening, she’ll lose interest.”

Y/n choked, eyes wide, receiving a questioning look from her friend. “Hickey?”

Robin chuckled. “Oh yeah. He came to work yesterday and I pointed it out immediately. It’s kind of hard to miss. I had to come over an hour early to press some powder on it. Do you know if he has a secret girl?”

“Why would I know? You’re his best friend.” Y/n tried her best to play it off.

Robin shrugged. “You’re the one who hung out with him the night before.”

“I hope you’re not implying what I think you are.” Y/n nervously took another drink, looking away from her. She could easily tell when someone was lying by just the scrunch of a nose.

“I’m not implying anything.” She answered.

There was a beat.

“I’m just one-hundred percent sure I saw him touch your butt the other day when you came into the store.”

It wasn’t that Y/n was hiding the fact that she and Steve had hooked up… multiple times. But she assumed since Steve had never told Robin about them, that it was a silent agreement they wouldn’t tell anyone at all. Y/n gulped. “He did not.”

“Mm, yes he did.”

“He probably just grazed it when walking by, Robin.”

“Y/n, that was not just a graze. He went like this.” She held up her hand, squeezing the air. “His hand was full of your ass.”

“That’s so gross. Never do that again.” Y/n elbowed her friend, laughing.

Another moment of silence.

“We’re not together or anything. We’re just… having fun.” She twisted the silver bracelet around her wrist.

Robin hummed again, not pushing any further.

Y/n managed to slip outside, letting the freezing air sting her cheeks. There was only about ten minutes left of 1985. She took a seat on the deck, slipping off her shoes, and putting her feet in the heated pool water. Leaning over slightly, she could see her reflection in the water. A whole year went by and she looked older, taller, bigger. The bags under her eyes told her she was tired a lot more.

It was funny to think just months ago she was still in high school and now she was grown up. She heard the door open, chatter from the inside drifted out before being muffled again when it was closed. She could hear quiet giggling. Turning her head, she saw Steve and the girl from earlier walk out, his hand on the small of her back. They couldn’t see her hidden behind a pool chair.

Their conversation was quiet, but she could hear a lighter being lit, the smell of cigarettes followed after.

“You have anyone to kiss at midnight?” The girl asked him in a sweet sultry tone.

She could feel her throat close up. There was no escape. If she stood up and walked away, they would see her. Maybe if she crawled on the ground she could go around the house back to the front.

“I thought I did.” He answered.

Y/n’s escape plan was paused, her ears perked up.

“Thought? You have a girl here with you?”

Y/n heard the long sigh that came out of him, a trail of smoke lifted into the cold air. “She’s just a friend.”

Oh.

Y/n heard enough that she wanted to. She grabbed her shoes, picked her feet out of the water, shivering as they hit the freezing slab of concrete. When she stood up, the girl and Steve looked at her.

The girl’s face was pinched into an annoyed expression, clutching Steve’s jacket over her shoulders.

Steve’s eyes were wide, mouth ajar, like a kid who had been caught with their hand in the cookie jar.

“Don’t mind me!” Y/n faked a sweet smile, but she knew Steve could recognize the sarcasm by the way he pinched the bridge of his nose. “I was looking for someone.”

The girl’s face relaxed. “Who were you looking for?”

She sounded like she had done this before. Like she knew everyone that was at the party. Like she knew Steve.

Y/n walked closer to the door, looking Steve up and down, giving him a chance to say anything.

He didn’t.

“No one important. Just a friend.” Y/n locked eyes with Steve. He gave her a look, lips parted like he wanted to argue with her. Instead of giving him a chance, she walked back inside to the party.

She looked around the living room to find Robin. She had plans on leaving but she didn’t want to without her friend not knowing. It came to no surprise to find her standing to the side, gawking at a pretty brunette, who also seemed to be looking at her too. Y/n sighed, pushing her pride behind, realizing her friend needed her.

“You know, you could just go over and talk to her.” Y/n told her, slipping back on her shoes now that her feet were dry.

She scoffed. “Have you met me?” Her voice was raspy and warm.

Suddenly, there was a clinking of glass, everyone’s attention turned to Mr. Harrington standing in the middle of the living room, Mrs. Harrington wrapped around his arm. Steve stood behind them, looking at his feet. His hair was messy and he had put his jacket back on. “Thank you all for coming tonight. My family and I are grateful for everyone in this room. The clock here says we have two minutes left of 85’ so I suggest you tie your loose ends up quickly.” He winked, making everyone laugh. He raised his glass, everyone followed suit.

Y/n quickly turned to Robin again. “There’s nothing you can lose if you go talk to her now.”

Robin bit her lip, looking at the girl across the room. “Okay. Fine, I’ll go.” She straightened the blazer she was wearing and asked Y/n if she looked okay before walking timidly over to the stranger.

She couldn’t but smile as the pair immediately dived into conversation, Robin turned around and gave her a smile.

Someone in the room shouted that there were twenty seconds left before midnight. Y/n covered her mouth, pushing down the laugh when the brunette took Robin’s pinky, pulling her upstairs. However, she couldn’t help but feel envious that her shy friend, who was scared of being an outcast if the town knew the real her, had snuck off to lock lips with a gorgeous girl.

“Ten!”

Y/n looked at the couples finding one another to celebrate the new year.

“Nine!”

Her eyes caught Steve still standing in the living room.

“Eight!”

He ran a hand through his stupid messy brown hair.

“Seven!”

He craned his neck to look around.

“Six!”

He walked towards her, still looking in every direction except hers.

“Five!”

His stupid brown eyes finally found hers.

“Four!”

He just stood there, staring at her as if he was too scared to approach her. She didn’t want to go to him. She didn’t want to be the first to move.

“Three!”

He gave her a small smile, putting his hand up, waving.

“Two!”

Her body betrayed her, turning towards him, smiling back, waving back, a silent invitation.

“One!”

She saw the step he took. She knew he was coming to her.

“Happy New Year!”

The blonde girl from earlier had gotten to him faster, grabbing him by the collar, snaking her arm around his neck to pull him into a kiss.

That kiss was supposed to be for Y/n.

Y/n knew it was.

But it still hurt and gnawed at her brain that she would never be good enough for Steve. He might think she was pretty enough to fuck, but never enough to be with her for real.

—-

The floor of Robin’s bedroom floor had never felt so fuzzy before. Y/n twisted the carpet strands between her fingers, feeling the strands between the pads of her digits. She let out a long drawn out sigh, giggling when Robin took that as a sign to hand over the blunt, hanging her arm off the edge of the bed for Y/n to take.

Y/n took a long deep inhale, filling her lungs before puffing the smoke out. She turned her head slightly to the dark haired boy next to her. He had one hand behind his head and the other laying on his stomach. His lips were parted, eyes dilated, focused on the ceiling. She nudged him with her elbow, but he didn’t look at her when he took the blunt out of her hand.

This is how it's been the past month. He only would hang out with her if Robin was around. He would barely look at her and only talked to her when it was absolutely necessary. There was no flirting. No lingered touches.

She had to watch his hair get longer, muscles get bigger, boyish features disappear. It felt like their friendship had taken three steps back and they no longer knew one another. They were just there because Robin was there. They were strangers.

“Guys, are you even listening to me?” Robin sat up, looking down at them.

Steve sat up too, reaching over Y/n to hand Robin the blunt back. “We don’t need to listen to know you’re back on another tangent about Vickie. How cute her freckles are and how red her hair is.”

Robin groaned, annoyed that he was being a jerk.

“She could call your cousin and play tonsil hockey with her instead.” Y/n snorted. When Robin told Steve about who she met at New Year’s, he broke the news she had made out with his cousin, Bethany. Now, it was an inside joke between them, Steve was indisposed.

He gave her an unimpressed look, definitely not amused by the joke. “I don’t know why it’s a big deal to talk to Vickie if you were brave enough talking to a stranger you had never met.”

This conversation had happened before. Steve would ask that question each time, and each time Robin would answer the same thing.

It was different flirting with a stranger she had never met, because if she had been rejected, it was fine no one would ever know, but if it had happened to a Hawkin’s local there would be consequences she wasn’t ready to go through.

“Even if Vickie doesn’t like girls, I’m sure someone else in Hawkins does.” He tried to reassure her.

Y/n sat up, looking at Robin, leaning in, pretending like it was a secret. “Or you could go down the list of his family. Maybe his mom could be next.”

The two girls burst out in laughter.

Steve looked between the two of them. “I gotta piss.” He grumbled, standing up to walk out of her room to the bathroom.

Y/n couldn’t help but watch him, biting her lip.

“Jesus. You two are exhausting.” Robin proclaimed. “I'd rather be drugged by Russains again than watch you two act like children who can’t talk about their feelings.”

“There are no feelings. Besides, he's the one ignoring me.” She crossed her arms and grumbled.

The girl on the bed rolled her eyes, moving her recently cut hair behind her ear. “This is why friends shouldn’t sleep with one another.”

“Feeling left out? Send Steve home and I can fix that.” Y/n joked.

Robin’s face grew bright red, laughing louder than necessary.

Steve walked back in, making the girls cackle even harder, tears in their eyes, clutching their thighs because they were on the verge of peeing themselves. Steve leaned on the door frame, the corner of his mouth upturned, even though he had no clue what the uproar was about. He shook his head, sitting back in his spot.

For a second, Y/n had forgotten they weren’t talking to one another. She laid her head on his shoulder, letting the last remaining giggles out. She expected him to push her off, but she swore he shifted closer, his thumb secretly rubbing the bottom of her back.

The sun was setting, and their high was gone. Y/n announced she should head home before it got dark. “Car in the shop still?” Robin asked her.

“Yeah, I thought it would be fixed by now, but supposedly the alternator is out. Mom has had to take me to school this week.” Y/n sighed, grabbing her bag and slipping on her shoes by the bedroom door.

“Your car broke down again?” Steve looked concerned, eyebrows knitted together, and his head tilted to the side.

Y/n shared an awkward look with Robin. “Yeah, last Friday when I was leaving school.”

“Why didn’t you call me?” His hands were on his hips now, like a scolding father.

She furrowed her brows. “You were at work and I was forty-five minutes away. Eric helped me. He knew a few things about cars.”

“Who’s Eric?” He asked her.

“Oh, it’s one of her classmates who is totally into her.” Robin interjected.

Y/n shot her a look. “Anyway, I’ll see you guys later.” She could hear hushed whispers as she walked out of Robin’s bedroom. There was a defeated sigh followed by rushed footsteps.

“Y/n, wait.” She was almost to the front door when Steve had caught up to her, putting a hand on her shoulder. She turned, raising an eyebrow. They stood there for a moment. “Let me drive you home.”

She only agreed because it was cold outside. Not because it would be the first time in weeks she would be alone with Steve.

The radio was on, windows were rolled down, Steve had a cigarette in his hand hanging out the window. A bad habit he had picked up again recently. Robin had scolded him the other day at work for stepping out to take a smoke break.

The breeze ruffled his hair that was overdue for a trim. “So, this Eric guy. Is he cute?”

“Why? You want his number? I could give it to you.” Y/n snorted at her own joke.

“You have his number?” He flicked the cigarette out the window. Y/n looked back to watch the still lit bud bounce in the middle of the road.

She leaned over to turn down the radio. “Yeah. He gave it to me Friday. Told me to call him if I needed a ride or anything.” They both knew what anything meant.

Steve made a noise from the back of his throat in response, tapping his steering wheel, deep in thought about something. “You gonna call him?”

Y/n had boys interested in her during her friendship with Steve. Never did he ask about it. Then again, she never asked about his interests. A little irritated, she bit the inside of her cheek, shaking her head. It was unbelievable. “Yeah, maybe I will. Unless you think I shouldn’t.” This was his chance. She opened the door for them to finally, in Robin’s words, talk about their big kid feelings.

“You can do whatever you want, Y/n. I don’t own you.” He brushed his nose.

“Right. Just friends, right?” Y/n’s jaw ticked.

“Of course we’re friends.” He noticed the hurt look on her face, realizing what she was talking about. “I mean… we’re better off as friends.”

“Yeah we are.” She put on a fake smile for him. “Besides, I can’t be with someone I don’t take seriously.”

His knuckles turned white from clutching the steering wheel. He pulled into the driveway, her door was already open before he had even put the car in park. “Y/n!” He yelled as she started to storm off inside. She took a deep breath in, turning around, leaning over to look back inside the car, clearly frustrated.

He looked like he wanted to say something important, swallowing hard. “I think I left my jacket here from Christmas. If you find it, could you return it?”

The laugh she let out was breathy and full of disbelief. “Yeah, Harrington, I will. Do you think you could return my virginity?” Her face fell and lips were pursed, glaring at him.

His jaw went slack, looking away from her glowered look. Without another word, he shifted into reverse, pulling out of her driveway. It took everything in her power not to run after his BMW. Instead she stood there in the February cold, hugging herself, tears streaming down her face.

She walked up the steps of her home and sat on her porch swing, wishing Heather was there next to her. She would probably make a joke like, “I was right. You never really hated Steve Harrington.”

Because it was true, she didn’t hate him.

Being around him, getting to know him, made her feel like those chilly evenings when the leaves began to turn back to their color. He even reminded her of summer, sunkissed, and days in the pool. Steve reminded her of all the seasons and her favorite things about them.

She twisted the silver bracelet around on her wrist.

She would probably never say it out loud, but she was pretty sure she had fallen in love with him.

She was in love with Steve Harrington.

—-

The Florida sun felt unbearable. Hot and sticky. Sweat. So much sweat. Y/n slid open the doors of the family beach house, slipping inside into the air condition. She clutched a towel over her body, dripping with pool water, her footprints on the wood flooring. Her mother and aunt smiled at her from the kitchen table, playing canasta with some other family members.

She grabbed a muffin leftover from breakfast, sitting down on a stool at the bar. Her two cousins, Penny and Mary walked in. They were twins and a year younger than Y/n, and sometimes they acted like they were the ones in charge, but Y/n still had a lot in common with them. Probably the only reason she wasn’t dreading spending her entire Spring Break here.

“Y/n, can you please tell Pen that Judge Reinhold is hot.” Mary threw a magazine on the counter, revealing a picture of the lanky actor.

This was common between the sisters. They clearly had different types in men, and were always arguing about it.

“Why would you ask her? Her taste in men is questionable. She thinks Zach Gilligan is cute.” Penny declared.

“He is!” Mary shot back.

Penny let out a loud groan, rolling her head back.

Y/n peered at the magazine. “He’s not really my type.”

“See, I knew you– what?” Mary snapped her head towards her, eyebrows furrowed. She pushed her sister who cheered at the small victory. “Whatever. I don’t really value the opinion of someone who has never had a boyfriend.”

Y/n wasn’t hurt by the comment, and she would have flipped her cousin off if their mom’s weren’t watching.

They were also clearly listening, because her aunt spoke up. “What about that handsome boy who came over on Christmas?”

“I think he’s the only boy me and Mary agree is attractive.” Penny giggled.

Y/n’s mom rolled her eyes. “Y/n insists they’re just friends. I’m wiser than I look. I know that Harrington boy is sweet on her.”

Her entire family snickered, making Y/n’s cheeks heat up. “He is not.”

They all unanimously hummed, not believing a word she said.

Later that evening, Y/n was dressed in regular clothes, sitting in the living room area reading a book. Mary and Penny were watching Growing Pains when the phone began to ring, the twins yelled for someone to answer. Their mother mumbled under her breath about doing everything, even on vacation, nevertheless, she answered it.

“Y/n, it’s for you.” She called out in a sing-song voice.

Y/n furrowed her brows. She had only given Robin the number to the beach house, but only in case her house was on fire since she was in charge of watering her mom’s plants. She got up from the couch, walking over to her aunt holding the phone out for her niece to take. A smirk on her face when she grabbed it. “It’s your lover boy.” She teased, winking before she walked back to the kitchen.

Y/n took a moment before collecting her senses to put the phone to her ear. “Hello?”

“Y/n.” Steve answered, almost in relief.

She wanted to slam the phone back on the wall. “What do you want?”

“I… I wanted to hear your voice.” There was a tone of defeat in his voice.

She looked around, not wanting any of her family to hear. “Are you drunk or something?”

“No.” He sighed. “You remember last summer?”

“Yeah.” It was kind of hard to forget.

“Well, all that crazy shit is back without the Russians.” He chuckled at the last part. He sounded so casual.

Flashbacks infiltrated her mind, her heart started to race. “Are you okay?”

He shushed her to calm down. “I’m okay, I promise. It’s a long story, but we have a plan to fix it.”

“We?”

“Yeah. Me, Dustin and his friends, Robin, Eddie Munson… Nancy.” He was hesitant about her name like he was afraid to say it out loud.

She ignored the burning in her chest. She was all the way in Florida while Steve was hanging out with his ex, his first love. “Eddie Munson? You’ve been complaining about him for months because you’re afraid Dustin likes him better than you.”

“That is not– like I said, it’s a long story.” She could see him pinching the bridge of his nose or even running a hand through his hair. “Listen, I called because I just wanted to let you know what was going on, okay?”

“Why?”

There was a pause.

“Because we’re friends.”

There was another pause.

“Because I care about you.”

A breath hitched in her throat. “Stop it.”

“No, it’s true.”

“Stop saying things like you’re going to die, Harrington. It’s cliché.”

She could hear his heavy breath. “Then I’ll tell you when you get back.”

A smile tugged at the corner of her lips. “Alive?” She asked him.

“Alive.” He assured her.

“You better be or I’ll kick your ass, Harrington.”

He laughed. “I know you will. I gotta go now. I’ll see you.” His voice was soft.

“Yeah.”

Neither of them hung up the phone. She could still hear the crackling of him adjusting it against his ear. The silence was comfortable.

A few minutes had gone by and she heard the familiar raspy voice of Robin telling Steve they needed to get going.

He finally hung up.

—

Y/n’s vacation was cut short when the news broke Hawkins had experienced a large earthquake, resulting in twenty-two casualties and numerous homes being destroyed. Although Y/n concluded the earthquake had to do with whatever Steve had mentioned over the phone.

A long line of cars were exiting Hawkins as her family entered, almost like fools.

Their house had been spared, the only damage was that the porch swing had fallen from the hooks and split in half.

She had immediately gone to Robin’s house to check on her friend, but of course, was directed to Steve’s.

Y/n was surprised to be greeted by Steve’s dad when she rang the doorbell. Mrs. Harrington was talking frantically on the phone, a cigarette in her mouth. She gave Y/n a wave, covering the speaker. “They’re upstairs.” She mouthed, returning back to the conversation.

When she arrived outside of his bedroom, she could hear voices arguing.

She slowly opened the door, seeing Robin sitting on Steve’s bed. Almost out of instinct, she swung it open, running over to her, wrapping her arms around the girl. They both toppled on top of the bed. Robin laughed, patting Y/n on the back. They sat up, Robin brushed the hair out of her face. Y/n looked over to see Steve standing in front of his closet. A box at his feet, clothes in his hands. Next to him was a boy about an inch shorter than him, long curly hair, wearing a t-shirt and ripped jeans. His face was scarred with tiny teeth marks. She recognized him as Eddie Munson.

“Who’s this chick?” Eddie asked.

“Eddie, this is Y/n.” Robin introduced her.

A big grin appeared on his face. He walked over, took her hand and kissed it. “M’lady, it’s a pleasure to finally be acquainted with you. Heard a lot about you.”

Y/n giggled, looking over at Robin who was laughing too.

Steve, on the other hand, looked annoyed, returning back to his task of going through his closet. “Heard about me?”

Eddie placed his hands behind his back, looking her up and down. “Yeah, Steve would not shut up about you. However, he didn’t tell me his girl looked like an angel.”

“Munson, shut up before I tell my dad to call the lawyers off.” Steve threatened.

Whatever he meant by that, Eddie seemed scared, putting his hands up in surrender. Y/n noticed Steve looked over at Robin. They shared a wordless exchange. Robin stretched her arms out. “Eddie, can you take me home?”

“Didn’t we just get— ow.” Eddie leaned down to clutch his shin that Robin swore was an accident. It was weird seeing the new addition, and Y/n was sure she would be told everything that had happened while she was gone.

He took the hint, bowing over dramatically. Him and Robin said their goodbyes, walking out of the room, finally leaving Steve and Y/n by themselves.

Neither one spoke. The only sound of hangers clanking together and muffled voices from downstairs. Y/n played with the silver bracelet on her wrist, scanning her eyes on the plaid walls, remembering the first time she spent the night with him, waking up and making fun of how disturbing the pattern was.

She stood up from his bed, approaching him slowly. She wasn’t sure what to say. The phone call was the first real conversation they had in months. What was there even to say? Or how was she supposed to start? She was beside him now, and for some reason, he looked taller than she had remembered. He took his hand off the hanger, turning his body completely towards her. Without a beat, she engulfed the boy in a deep hug. He took a step back, surprised by the sudden contact.

They never hugged before, which is shocking because they’ve seen each other naked.

He returned the hug, tightening his grip on her. She heard a quiet sob leave his lips. He burrowed his head in her neck, tears soaking into her shirt. Both of them sank to the floor because his body had become too weak to stand.

She brushed her fingers through his hair, telling him everything was okay. She was there for him and she wasn’t leaving.

It took a few minutes for him to calm down, his head had found a place in her lap, mindlessly playing with one of her hands. With her free hand, she continued to run it through his hair.

“It’s bad, isn’t it?” She finally asked him.

“We were so close.” He answered. “If I had done things differently.”

It was a mindless thought but it still hurt Y/n that Steve believed he was responsible for the destruction of Hawkins. “Steve, none of this is your fault. You can’t carry the fate of Hawkin’s on your shoulders.”

He puffed his cheeks, a long breath of air rolled out of his mouth. He shifted his body, wincing, clutching his side. Y/n tilted her head, pulling the hem of his shirt up, revealing similar bite marks that were on Eddie’s cheek. She didn’t make a comment about it or ask. Part of her didn’t want to know. Instead, she looked up above her at the remaining clothes in the closet, smirking when she saw the familiar brown sweater that he wore on Christmas. “I hope you decide to donate that ugly sweater.”

Steve’s eyes were closed, but he had a half-hearted smile on his face, knowing what she was referring to. “Too many great memories involve me wearing that sweater.”

“What? Like us having sex?” The joke felt like thick molasses, drowning her slowly, waiting for a reaction. He didn’t wince, his smile never faltered, nor did he open his eyes.

“Yeah.” He replied truthfully. “But also when I realized I am undoubtedly in love with you.”

His confession was cool and collected. She swore there was a smug look on his face and she wanted to wipe it off. For the past couple of months she had struggled to even come to terms with her own feelings and to watch him casually admit it almost made her laugh in disbelief.

Her silence made him open one eye, looking at her as she focused her eyes on the ceiling above her. “You know, one of the last conversations I remember with Heather was at Daniel Brown’s party senior year. She tried telling me I didn’t hate you as much as I led on. She’s probably laughing at me right now letting you lay on my lap. I’ve always thought you were an arrogant asshole. Don’t get me wrong. You’re still a pain in the ass, but Steve, you care so much about others. When you hung up that phone I was so scared you were going to die because I knew you would sacrifice anything to make sure everyone is okay.

“I would never forgive myself if you had died without knowing how much I care for you.” He sat up, scooching back, her knees touching his leg. His hands were behind him holding his body up. She met his eyes that always seemed to catch the sun, glossy and thick like honey. Like the honey she put in her tea. The tension in her shoulders relaxed. “Becoming friends with you was unexpected. I guess in a way I’ve felt guilty because I’ve been moving on with my life since Heather died. I guess I felt like I was betraying her.” She put a hand on his knee. He leaned forward, grabbing her hand, intertwining their fingers.

Steve’s face softened and his cheeks turned pink. “I’m sorry about everything. I didn’t want you to think I was using you for sex. Then I was nervous you might not feel the same. I was embarrassed, because I’m crazy about you, Y/n. I cannot stop thinking about you. When you asked if I didn’t think you should call that Edwin guy-”

“Eric.”

“Whatever his name was.” He rolled his eyes when she giggled. His voice dropped. “I wanted to beg you not to call him. But I felt like it was too selfish of me. Too selfish, wanting you to be my girl.”

Y/n lifted the corner of her mouth upwards, putting her hand on his cheek, brushing her thumb over the freckle she has been well acquainted with. “You’re allowed to be selfish sometimes.”

His jaw went slack and eyes were wide. He was too pretty for his own good.

Y/n remembered all the things she wanted to tell him over the course of getting to know him, but never did. She held it all back because she was afraid. She was afraid he hadn’t really changed at all and she had stupidly fell for his charm. She was afraid he would laugh in her face. She would feel like her porch swing that had fallen off the hinges and cracked in half.

“Falling in love with you was unexpected too.” She whispered, biting her bottom lip.

“I really want to kiss you.” Steve was already leaning towards her.

She smiled, ear to ear, allowing the pretty boy with the stupid hair and stupid eyes to be selfish.

#steve harrington #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington x you #steve harrington x y/n #steve harrington fanfic #steve harrington fic #steve harrington angst #steve harrington fluff #steve harrington smut #steve harrington imagine #stranger things fanfiction #stranger things #stranger things fanfic #stranger things fic #blaize writes #steve fic

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vmpiires · 3 months

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﹆₊ 画家‧₊˚ THE BLOOD PAINTER, KAMO CHOSO

𝐒𝐘𝐍𝐎𝐏𝐒𝐈𝐒 ﹆₊ 概要 ‧₊˚ art; it comes in many forms. even clothing. wc, 4.39K. dark mode recommended.

␥ note. i’m backkk. i got so caught up in writing one-shots that i almost forgot to do the series. so i’m here. hope ya enjoyyy. reblog to support meeee.

␥ tags. artist!choso, college AU, possible nsfw, female anatomy, smoking, reader has a motorcycle, etc. lmk if i missed anything

␥ misc. masterlist AO3 PART FIVE

finally, the much-anticipated friday had arrived, as the clock struck 12:15, choso let out a heavy sigh and pushed away from his cluttered desk. the familiar sound of the bell signaling the end of class echoed through the room, soon followed by the lively chatter of students as they filed out into the hallway. as he stepped out, the distinct smell of freshly cleaned carpets mixed with the mouth-watering aroma of takoyaki and ramen wafted towards him. his stomach grumbled in response, and he rolled his eyes at his hunger pangs.

as the male strolled gracefully down the hall, his footsteps echoing against the tiled floor, kashimo slung his arm over choso's broad shoulders. his face was lit up with a beaming grin that seemed to radiate energy. choso couldn't help but suppress a groan at the touch.

"what's with the frown?" kashimo asked, his voice laced with playful curiosity. "aren't you excited for tonight?" he continued; excitement evident in his tone as they made their way towards the bustling cafeteria.

"what day is it again?" choso rubbed his bleary eyes, his tiredness evident in the way he slumped in his chair. he had spent all night tending to his digital artwork and finishing up homework. kashimo nearly choked on his drink when he heard choso's question. the bags under his friend's eyes were deep and dark, a clear sign of exhaustion.

kashimo leaned in close, speaking in hushed tones. "you know it's friday, right?" he reminded choso with a mischievous glimmer in his eyes. "your date with you-know-who is tonight." he wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, causing choso's eyes to widen with shock and surprise. suddenly, all traces of exhaustion seemed to vanish from choso's expression.

choso let out a frustrated sigh, his hand pinching the bridge of his nose in exasperation. "damn it, i almost forgot," he muttered to himself. "i need to find something nice to wear and freshen myself up. i probably look like death right now." his thoughts drifted to his upcoming date and he suddenly felt self-conscious about his appearance. kashimo waved a dismissive hand, trying to calm choso’s nerves.

"relax, you have plenty of time. your date isn't until seven and its only noon now. take a nap, get dressed, and do whatever else you gotta to do. maybe even pick up some flowers for the lovely lady." choso only rolled his eyes at kashimo's teasing words but was grateful for his reassurance.

after a satisfying lunch, the two boys retreated to choso's dorm room, where they spent their time sifting through an impressive collection of clothing. like pages in a newspaper, choso pulled each hanger from the rack and tossed the garments onto his bed.

"wow, you must come from money," remarked kashimo, studying the designer labels and high-end fabrics of the clothing strewn across the bed. the beige sweater with a brown collar and sleeves underneath that caught his eye looked like it belonged on the cover of a fashion magazine. it was clear that choso had an eye for style and a wallet to match.

"i wouldn't say i'm wealthy in the traditional sense," choso replied with a hint of modesty, as he effortlessly pulled out a few pairs of designer boots. kashimo's expression shifted to one of disbelief as his eyes took in the luxurious footwear. he couldn't tell if choso was being humble or simply showcasing his affluent lifestyle.

"what’re you talking about? you have the largest room on campus, your wardrobe is filled with high-end fashion that could pay for my textbooks ten times over, you're top of the class, and you have an incredible talent for painting," kashimo exclaimed.

"you have everything. you don’t have to want for anything." the words tumbled out with a mix of admiration and envy, as kashimo couldn't help but feel a tinge of jealousy towards the male beside him.

choso chuckled humbly as he moved the pairs of boots closer to the bed, each one a work of art in its own right. they were made by the most prestigious fashion house in the world, a symbol of his wealth and status.

"the biggest room in the school? that's just because i got lucky with housing arrangements," choso replied nonchalantly, brushing off kashimo's words. "and these clothes and shoes? it's all just material possessions. it’s not like they define who i am." but even as he said this, a part of him couldn't help but feel proud of what he had achieved and acquired through hard work and determination.

a thoughtful look crossed kashimo's face as he sized up his friend. "you've got it all, man, i’m telling you. looks, brains, talent…what don't you have?" he couldn't help but feel envious of choso's seemingly perfect life. little did he know, beneath the surface, there were struggles and insecurities that even wealth and success couldn't erase.

choso simply shrugged, a slight smile playing on his lips. "my wealth is of no concern to me, and it shouldn't be to you either. you are just as worthy as i am, if not more so. i refuse to be lumped in with those spoiled assholes who strut around this place as if they own it." he gestured towards the crowd of students milling about the school grounds outside his window.

“i’d rather not be labeled as an entitled individual that kicks another down because of their casual way of life." choso's eyes glinted with determination and a hint of defiance. he refused to let his family's fortune define him or dictate how he treated others.

kashimo let out a heavy sigh, his shoulders slumping in defeat. but then, as if on cue, a smile lit up his face. "let's forget all that," he chirped. "we have more important things to focus on, like finding the perfect outfit for you." his gaze fell upon a rack of clothes. he strode towards it with purpose.

"i think i already have an idea," he added, gesturing towards a sleek and stylish collared shirt on display. it caught the light just right, highlighting its delicate details and flattering cut. kashimo's keen sense of fashion was always reliable, and he knew this would be the ideal choice for his new friend.

choso inhaled deeply, his chest rising and falling with each breath. "you have an idea?" he repeated dryly, his dark eyes following kashimo's outstretched finger as it pointed towards the shirt.

with a flick of his wrist and a wide, toothy grin that always made choso roll his eyes and groan, kashimo declared confidently, "yeah, yeah, we'll have you looking like a vogue model by the time we're done." his hands moved deftly, as if conducting an orchestra, as he waved them around in front of choso's face.

the sunlight glinted off the sharp planes of his cheekbones and highlighted the smattering of his blood mark across his nose. choso couldn't help but feel a twinge of annoyance mixed with fondness for his friend's over-the-top antics. but he knew deep down that kashimo was just trying to help him look his best for his upcoming date.

after a few moments, choso found himself meticulously adjusting the crisp collar and sleeves of his tailored top, the fabric hugging his figure perfectly. he paired it with formal pants in a deep coffee shade, complementing the beige sweater he wore underneath. the overall effect created a polished and put-together appearance.

kashimo's lips curled into a mischievous smirk as he lightly nudged choso. "well, you could pass for a model," he teased, his eyes flickering over choso's outfit. the male blushed, not expecting to be dressed in such a fashion so soon. "you're quite the handsome devil, choso." his words were laced with admiration and playfulness. choso's cheeks flushed deeply at the compliment.

"please don't say things like that," he murmured, trying to hide his bashful smile. "but thank you…i think." the soft breeze flowing through the window tousled his hair, adding an extra touch of dishevelment to his already dashing appearance.

placing his hands behind his head, kashimo's snicker broke through the quiet of the bedroom. choso shifted his weight, crossing his arms over his chest as he felt the tips of his ears grow warm with embarrassment. fidgeting with his fingers, he tried to push away the teasing.

"aw come on, choso. your lady friend would definitely approve," kashimo taunted, his laughter now booming in the open space around them.

choso's cheeks grew even redder as he found himself growing more uncomfortable. "can we please stop talking about this?" he pleaded, desperately wishing he could escape this conversation and the teasing that came with it. "and shouldn’t you be saving these comments for hakari, not me?"

kashimo's smirk faltered slightly at choso's words, hints of embarrassment creeping into his expression. "hey, it’s not like he's not my boyfriend or anything," he muttered, trying to brush off the earlier comment.

choso couldn't help but roll his eyes at kashimo's attempt to downplay their relationship. as much as kashimo denied it, everyone knew there was something more between them than just friends. but for now, choso was content with keeping their dynamic as it was - friends who teased each other mercilessly.

"right," choso muttered, his dark eyes flickering with curiosity. "so, what happened the other night with you and hakari, if i may ask? did you two have fun?"

kashimo exhaled slowly, his cheeks flushing as he thought back to that unforgettable evening. "i mean…yes, we did have fun, but a couple things happened that i didn't expect."

choso could see the telltale sign of embarrassment in kashimo's blush. He could only imagine what had transpired between the two of them, causing such a reaction in kashimo. a small smile curled at the corners of his lips, wondering just how wild their night together must have been.

kashimo shifted uncomfortably, trying to find the words to explain his feelings about that night. but they eluded him, leaving him with a tangle of emotions that he couldn't quite put into words. nevertheless, one thing was for sure - it was a night he would never forget.

choso raised a skeptical brow at kashimo's wistful expression. "well, aren't you gonna tell me what happened?" he prodded with curiosity. "you seem like you're reminiscing about it."

kashimo was abruptly pulled from his reverie, caught off guard by choso's inquisitive tone. his lips pursed as he carefully considered how to explain the night's events. "i guess i could tell you," he began slowly. "it was a pretty nice night all around. we ate and drank a little, but then out of the blue, he asked me to give him my hand." a faint smile tugged at the corners of kashimo's mouth at the memory.

"i was confused as to why he wanted my hand, but i gave in anyway. we held hands for a while, just enjoying each other's company. and he had this silly grin on his face…" kashimo trailed off with a fond chuckle.

choso couldn't help but tease, "you didn't kiss, did you?" though his words were nonchalant, there was a hint of playful curiosity in his tone.

"stop," kashimo protested, his cheeks flushing with embarrassment. "it's not like that. we just held hands and…okay, we almost did but i got nervous." his words tumbled out in a rush, his eyes darting away from his teasing gaze. "but we're going to hang out again tonight," he continued, determined to prove that there was nothing more than friendship between them. "and i was thinking of having a double date soon since our situations are pretty similar."

choso chuckled, the sound rumbling deep in his chest. "damn, you're really soiling my plans," he joked, a mischievous glint in his eye.

"well excuse me, mr. kamo," kashimo chuckled jovially, his eyes glinting mischievously. "i should've considered that you might've wanted some alone time with the pretty lady… hey, let's head out and get some flowers. that'd be a nice touch, right?"

"i suppose," choso exhaled, rubbing his temples wearily. "would you mind passing me my wallet? it's on the desk." he pointed over to the umber wood desk that held his notebooks and other school supplies. kashimo retrieved the wallet and couldn't resist taking a quick peek inside. among choso's id, dorm room keycard, and a small polaroid of him and his brothers, was a thick wad of cash.

"holy shit, man," kashimo exclaimed before choso could snatch the wallet from his hands. "you could literally buy the whole planet with this amount of money."

"i said give me the wallet, not snoop around," choso narrowed his eyes, an edge of annoyance in his tone. the stack of bills represented years of hard work and sacrifice for him and his siblings. he didn't want anyone else getting their hands on it, let alone stare at it.

as the clock struck seven, you carefully chose your outfit - a sleek black leather jacket and fitted jeans paired with a simple yet elegant blouse. your trusted harley davidson roared as you rode into the parking lot of the upscale restaurant that choso had chosen for your meeting. you removed your helmet and placed it on the bike seat before walking confidently into the building.

inside, the restaurant was bathed in a warm, dim light that enhanced the romantic atmosphere. the scent of scented candles and sizzling food filled the air as you made your way to the table that had been reserved for you and choso. when you spotted him, your heart skipped a beat at his appearance.

instead of his usual intimidating demeanor, choso looked more like a regular academia student with metal adorning his face. he wore a cozy-looking sweater and a purple scarf wrapped around his neck, giving off a sense of vulnerability. a bandage on the corner of his lip suggested that he may have been injured recently. an expensive-looking watch around his wrist. and instead of his signature ponytails, his hair fell freely around his face, some strands neatly tied into a ponytail.

you sat down on the opposite side of the table, unable to contain the soft smile that spread across your face. "hey, choso," you greeted him warmly. the sound of your voice made him look up at you, seemingly surprised that you had actually shown up regardless of whether it was planned or not.

choso's voice was gentle and hesitant as he spoke, a slight blush rising to his cheeks. "um…hi," he said, returning your smile with one of his own. he held something behind his back, and as he brought it forward, you saw that it was a bouquet of flowers. your heart skipped a beat at the sight of them.

"i brought you something," choso said, presenting the bouquet to you. each stem was carefully chosen and arranged, bursting with vibrant colors and delicate petals. you were not typically one to accept flowers as a gift, but these were too beautiful to resist.

you took the bouquet into your arms, feeling the softness of the petals against your skin. "wow," you chuckled in disbelief, admiring the intricate details of each flower. "these are really pretty…thank you." your eyes met choso's and you could see the sincerity and thoughtfulness in his expression. it made your heart swell with appreciation for this unexpected gesture of kindness.

choso nodded, a delicate pink hue blooming across his cheeks. "i'm…glad you like them," he stammered, his hand unconsciously smoothing out the creases in his scarf. "i was seriously struggling to decide which flowers would be best for you. i wasn't sure if i made the right choice."

you smiled warmly at him, taking the bouquet from his hands and inhaling the sweet scent of the blossoms. "no, it's okay," you reassured softly. "i love these flowers. no one has ever given me a bouquet before - let alone such beautiful ones like these. i can tell you put a lot of thought into this."

as always, your kind words had choso's heart fluttering and his chest feeling light as air. "well, i'm happy to be the first to give you such a gift," he replied, unable to contain the shy smile that spread across his face. "though now I'm starting to wonder if i should have just given you one of my paintings instead."

you shook your head gently. "whatever gift you came up with, i would’ve loved it," you assured him. "as long as it came from your heart and had some thought put into it, that's all that matters to me."

choso smiled softly, feeling a sense of confidence wash over him. after your simple conversation, the two of you finally sat down to order some delicious food and refreshing drinks. your conversations ranged from how your days had been to school-related topics like class projects and even delved into personal matters.

as the waiter placed your plates in front of you, choso couldn't resist taking a quick photo with his camera, capturing not only the mouth-watering food but also the charming interior of the restaurant.

"smile," choso said with a slight twitch at the corners of his lips. your eyebrows raised in surprise, but you quickly posed for the photo, revealing a flawless smile that made choso's heart skip a beat as he gazed at you through his camera lens.

the vibrant colors and warm atmosphere of the restaurant seemed to enhance your beauty, and choso couldn't help but feel grateful for this moment shared between the two of you.

with a contented smile on your face, you playfully plunged your fork into the steaming bowl of ramen, eagerly slurping up the tender noodles. across from you, choso calmly ate from his plate of shrimp tempura, occasionally watching you with an amused glint in his eyes.

"hey, let's do that thing they always do in the movies with the noodles," you suggested, holding up your fork and wiggling it playfully. a faint blush colored choso's cheeks as he caught on to what you were referring to, and he couldn't help but internally sigh at the thought. it wasn't that he didn't want to do anything romantic with you, but he was wary of how things might change between the two of you afterward.

"i suppose there's no harm in trying," choso said with a small smile, taking the other end of the noodle between his lips. you mirrored his actions, using the thin noodle as a playful tool to bring each other closer. as your lips were only a breath away from touching, you both paused for a moment, your hearts racing in anticipation.

finally, unable to resist any longer, you closed the distance between your lips and shared a brief but sweet kiss. the remaining noodle was quickly swallowed as your lips met, causing choso's eyes to widen in shock and surprise. his cheeks flushed a deep red, almost matching the crimson liquid slowly seeping out from his blood mark and onto the table.

feeling slightly embarrassed by his unusual reaction, choso hastily pulled away and chuckled nervously. "that's part of why i always keep it covered up," he admitted, trying to make light of the situation. but before he could apologize or explain further, he felt your gentle touch as you began wiping away the traces of blood on his cheeks with a napkin.

"it's okay," you reassured him softly, carefully folding the napkin to a cleaner side and continuing to clean his face. "does this happen often?" you asked, genuinely curious about choso's sudden bleeding.

choso nodded, his expression slightly sheepish. "usually when i'm….overstimulated," he admitted with a small smile. it wasn't a common occurrence, but it did happen from time to time, especially in moments like this when he was caught off guard by unexpected yet welcomed intimacy with someone he cared for deeply. "but i can also make it bleed at will."

the sound of your laughter filled the room as choso's cheeks flushed with embarrassment at your observation. "that explains why there isn't any red paint in your room. you use your own blood for art…i think that's so cool. but doesn't it hurt?" you asked, genuinely curious about his unique artistic process.

choso shook his head, a small smile on his lips. "no, not in the slightest." his mind seemed to go momentarily blank before he quickly changed the subject. "um…we should finish eating before the food gets cold."

you nodded, returning to your meal but unable to shake off your curiosity about choso's blood mark and how it worked. after dinner, the two of you left the restaurant and made your way back to your motorcycle. you eagerly held onto the bouquet of flowers as you mounted the vehicle and placed your helmet in your lap.

"well, i guess this is where we part ways for the night," choso said, his hand nervously fiddling with his scarf. you looked up at him and checked the time on his watch. despite the sun having set and the moon beginning to rise, the night was still young.

"come on, it's too early to call it a night. let's take a bike ride around shibuya for a bit," you pleaded, hoping to spend more time with choso. just as he was about to politely decline and suggest rescheduling for another day, he felt something stopping him from saying no.

"alright, but please don't drive too fast…i've never been on a motorcycle before," choso reluctantly agreed, surprising himself with his sudden change of heart.

you squealed in excitement and patted the padded seat before putting on your helmet. "you'll have to hold onto me unless you want to fly off," you advised quickly as choso settled himself onto the seat behind you.

"fly off?" choso repeated before you unexpectedly accelerated out of the parking lot, your harley roaring into the night. he inhaled sharply, feeling slightly scared as he instinctively wrapped his strong arms around your body and buried his face into your back. you couldn't help but smirk at your daring actions.

"please…slow down," choso's muffled and shaken voice pleaded from behind you, making you giggle mischievously.

·.⌇ bonus..

under the moonlit sky, you and choso sat on a wooden bench in front of a serene lake. the gentle breeze caused both of you to shiver, but the beauty of the setting made it worth it. as you watched the ripples of the water sway back and forth, you turned to look at choso beside you.

"i wanted to ask you something," you said softly. choso's head snapped over to face you, his eyebrows raised in anticipation.

"about?" he asked.

"you mentioned that you always keep your mark covered up. you said it was because of people's fear and judgment towards what you really are…but why does it worry you so much?" your question forced choso into a moment of silence as he pondered his response.

"i'm…" he let out a heavy sigh before continuing. "i'm not sure if you've noticed, but i'm not like other sorcerers or curses. i’m half curse, half human. my brother yuji is a sorcerer, while the other two are also curses. normally, humans can’t see curses, but because i am in this body, you can see me."

he glanced at you to confirm that you were still listening before revealing more. "i…um…i keep my blood mark covered because when i get overwhelmed or stressed, my face starts bleeding like i told you before. i'm just embarrassed about it. if people knew what i really was, they would probably be too scared to even look in my direction. people think curses are disgusting and unworthy of life; they are afraid of them. it's better that part of myself hidden and live as a human."

you placed a comforting hand on choso's thigh, gently rubbing it with your thumb. "but choso, i'm not scared of you at all. curse or not, i think you're one of the kindest and most genuine people i've ever met. i honestly thought your unique display of techniques was just your sorcery, but now i know the truth. my opinion of you will never change, i promise."

choso's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "really?" he asked incredulously. "i'm not disgusting or horrible to you?" you shook your head, a small smile quirking at the corners of your lips.

"not even close," you reassured him. "the most people will say about you is how annoyingly smart you are." you playfully teased him, making him chuckle.

"but in all seriousness, you're a genuinely good person, choso." with a tender gesture, you reached up and cupped his cheek, causing his cheeks to flush a light shade of red. as you leaned in to place a gentle kiss on his cheek, choso couldn't help but place his hand where your lips had just been.

"my face is going to start bleeding again," he muttered with a shy smile, clearly trying to hide his embarrassment.

with excitement bubbling in your chest, you quickly pulled choso's camera out of his bag and slung an arm over his shoulder, positioning the lens perfectly in front of you both. "smile, choso," you chimed with a grin, capturing the moment forever.

choso's eyebrows shot up in surprise at your quick movements, but he obliged and gave the camera his best smile as a bright flash illuminated the area and the sound of the photo printing echoed through the air.

as soon as the picture was fully developed, you eagerly removed it from the slot and examined it with satisfaction. "we look pretty damn good, don't we?" you commented, admiring how the lighting fell perfectly on both of you and the beautiful scenery around you.

"yeah, not bad at all," choso agreed as he gently took the photo from your hands and stowed it away with his camera in his bag. "that was actually the final picture i needed for my project."

"right, your scrapbook thing," you remembered with a smile as you rose from the bench. "shall we head back? i can help you put it together if you'd like."

choso's smile widened at your offer and he nodded eagerly. "i would love that."

61 notes · View notes

farfromstrange · 5 months

Text

Do No Harm

CHAPTER SEVEN: Downward Spiral

Masterlist | Series Masterlist

Pairing: Matt Murdock x F!Reader

Summary: After agreeing to go on a date with Matt, you start realizing the weight of your decision, and your thoughts begin spiraling. In a moment of need, you turn to the only close friend you have in Hell's Kitchen, hoping she can pull you away from the edge of the very steep cliff your trauma is trying to throw you into.

Warnings for this chapter: ANGST (the caps feel appropriate here), mentions of domestic violence, suicidal thoughts, allusions to a suicide attempt, allusions to sexual assault, mentions of being taken advantage of by a superior, (I guess you could say) mentions of hypersexuality, self-loathing, PTSD, some foreshadowing, mental breakdown, alcohol, Season 1 related plot (spoilers)

Word Count: 6.4k

A/n: Surprise! I'm posting early because I'm going to see my family this weekend, and after I had an epiphany at two in the morning and spent 3 days writing this, I got it done, and I'm actually quite proud of this (or maybe it's the caffeine). Anyway, heed the warnings because the topics of conversation in this are pretty dark. That's why I highlighted the angst. And if you haven't watched past episode 1 of Season 1, this might spoil some things for you. (Also, I have no idea how this turned into a beast with a word count over 6k. Sorry in advance.)

Read Chapter 7: Downward Spiral here on AO3

You don’t know what came over you.

You typed in Matt’s number in a moment of weakness, and once you heard his voice through the line, you gave up on being careful. You gave up on denying yourself what you’re so desperately craving, and you abandoned all rational thought.

For him.

You promised not to get attached to someone ever again—let alone a man. You started a new life in Hell’s Kitchen to find your way back to normalcy. You took all the necessary precautions, and even though you look back at the shreds of your old life every day, you are never going back.

Two years. That is the longest you have managed to stay in one place ever since you left California. But you still haven’t found your way back into the real world.

You have been guarding yourself, afraid of having your heart broken, afraid of losing this chance at a new life, and afraid of the man who ruined you.

Every time you close your eyes, you see his face. You hear his voice in the back of your mind. He’s everywhere, even when you don’t want him to be.

It’s easier to put a wall between yourself and everyone else. A wall no one can break through, not even yourself. You trapped your soul for the sole purpose of keeping yourself alive after you made the hardest decision of your life. When you ran, you believed your life was over, but you have always been too much of a coward to end your misery. God knows you’ve tried, but even a trained doctor can’t fully understand death, and some things just don’t work out the way we want them to.

Drunken one-night stands can’t possibly compare to a meaningful emotional connection, but they satisfy the need for physical intimacy. At least for a little while. It killed you; slowly, almost pathetically, but sleeping with strangers in dirty motel rooms did a better job than you ever could.

For the longest time, you used sex as a coping mechanism. You let strange men use you because that is the only way you know how to be with someone else. You let them hurt you to feel something, anything because pain is better than feeling nothing at all. But when you finally got settled in Hell’s Kitchen, thanks to Claire, you stopped.

You locked up your heart and threw away the key. You started to shield your body the same way you have shielded your soul. You retreated into a shell of restlessness and constant fear of every little sliver of hope you feel being taken away from you.

You have nowhere else to run, which is why keeping a low profile is so important to you, but after two years, don’t you deserve to finally live?

We don’t exist to just survive; we exist to live the life we were given. You are Olivia Clarke now, not the broken girl you left behind, but every time you think about it, his voice returns and backs you into a corner that you can’t escape from.

Every time you see the scars on your body, all you want to do is rip the skin off your bones and feed it to the dogs.

The men you slept with while you were running from your past saw you as a mere object, and you are used to being seen that way, but it was isolating nonetheless. They didn’t care about your scars, they only cared about what you could give them. They treated you like he did without lifting a finger.

Even though you don’t do that anymore, it still weighs heavy on your wounded soul.

Matt treats you like a person. He can’t physically see, but he still sees you. He sees you in a way no one has ever seen you before. And he is gentle, and patient, and—

You scream into your pillow. Your nose still hurts, but it is nothing compared to how fast your heart is beating.

To you, Matt is perfect. You know that no one can be perfect, and you should be careful, but he makes you feel things you have long denied yourself. He makes you feel wanted. Desired. Like you can be yourself around him and still be worthy of his attention. Like you matter. And he has a certain way of being around you that makes you feel protected, almost.

You don’t need protection. You have made it this far without a bodyguard by your side. You know how to fight your own battles better than most, but you can’t deny that you wouldn’t mind being saved by him.

You wouldn’t mind those hands he always wraps around his cane to wrap around you instead. He can’t see your scars, but he can feel them, and as terrifying as that thought sounds, it also excites you.

You’re treading dangerous territory, but God, he won’t leave you alone, not even when you’re trying to sleep. He could offer you a sense of normal that you have long missed. He could teach you how to be a person again. And maybe, just maybe, you could let yourself be cared for by him.

You roll back onto your back when you need to breathe, one of your hairs getting stuck to your lip. You let out an annoyed huff. There won’t be much sleeping tonight, you’re sure. Not when you keep thinking about tomorrow.

“You’re not fifteen anymore,” you mutter to yourself. “What is wrong with you? God!”

It’s almost too surreal to believe that this magnetic force of a man managed to retrieve some of your long-lost hope, and he only had to call you beautiful once for you to be completely smitten.

When he allowed you to take care of his injuries on the first day you met, you didn’t think a person could be this guarded yet so vulnerable at the same time. He’s breaking under an invisible weight that must have been on his shoulders for years, maybe even decades. You’re painfully aware of other people’s feelings, and it wasn’t hard to tell that Matt carries a lot of unresolved pain with him. Always. He reminds you so much of yourself, it’s like staring into a mirror. Two broken halves of a whole.

Your thoughts won’t stand still, no matter how hard you try. You’re stuck inside an invisible hourglass. Not even heaven knows what will happen once time runs out. You don’t understand why you’re overthinking this while, at the same time, knowing exactly why. And you hate it.

There is a part of you that you can never get back. A little girl who grew up too fast. A girl who didn’t know any better. A broken teenager who wanted nothing more than to escape and live a better life than her parents could ever give her, and when she did manage to escape one hell, she found herself in a new quarter of purgatory built just for you.

You used to think that maybe you just bring the worst out in people, but after seeing the worst of humanity outside of your broken relationships, too, you’re not so sure about that anymore.

The fact that you don’t understand why you can’t stop your usually so intelligent brain from spinning out of control makes you want to claw at the walls of your apartment that threaten to cave in on you.

Part of you wants nothing more than to run and never look back, but you can’t run forever. This time, you wouldn’t be running from the Devil; you would be running from a fear of your own feelings. Human feelings. Feelings that have a high likelihood of recurring, and then you will have to run again.

You can’t run from reality forever. It’s a different reality now, but it’s a better reality. That is a rational thought, but being rational currently has no place in your mind, so you’re spiraling, and all because a nice guy asked you out for coffee.

You find yourself in a cab a few minutes later, wearing a pair of sweatpants, and an oversized shirt, with an untouched bottle of wine in your bag. Your worn-down sneakers are not the appropriate footwear for today’s weather, but you couldn’t be bothered to pick another pair.

You’re aware that it’s late and maybe you should have texted, but you’re already here, and Claire told you that you could always come to her, even if it happens to be the middle of the night. If the rule still stands after she suddenly decided to stay at your co-worker’s place without a proper explanation, you’re not quite sure though.

You knock. At first, no response. You knock again. The floorboards creak on the other side of the door.

“Claire, it’s Liv,” you call out.

You can hear the exact moment the person inside the apartment starts to panic. The floorboards creak again, more frequent this time, and it sounds almost as if Claire is turning the room upside down. You raise your eyebrows.

Before you can knock again, the lock finally clicks, and she opens the door. She’s more of a mess than you are, and that is put lightly.

“It’s the middle of the night,” Claire greets you. “What are you doing here?”

You blink a few times. “Hello to you too?”

She sighs. “I didn’t mean—I’m sorry, it’s just been a long night.”

“I can see that,” you answer. “Are you alright?”

“I could ask you the same thing.” She looks you up and down. “What happened to your nose?”

“It’s a long story.”

“No shit.”

“Yeah. Can I, uh, come in?”

She hesitates before stepping aside to let you in. “Sure.”

You take a quick look around the apartment. Nothing seems out of place. A bowl of cat food stands in the corner by the kitchen. The window in the living room is open, but it seems intentional.

The scent of antiseptic lingers in the air. You’re not sure if your nose is betraying you as you breathe in, but the smell is familiar. Bandages, disinfectant, and salve. You don’t want to question it, but you can’t help it.

“Did you hurt yourself?” you ask.

Claire blows her nose behind you. If you didn’t know better, you would think she was actually sick. She shakes her head upon hearing your question, but there is a faint blush on her cheeks.

“What makes you think that?” she retorts.

“Oh, no particular reason. It just smells very… hospital-y. That’s why I asked.”

“I, uh, I had to put a bandage on my leg earlier ‘cause this stupid cat decided to scratch me after peeing everywhere.” She sniffs. “Had to clean the wound, that thing—“ she nods toward the cat sitting in the cat tree, “and then the apartment. Maybe that’s why.”

You follow her gaze toward the little furball resting on his cat tree. You approach him, but Claire seems less pleased at the prospect.

“Be careful. He’s pissed.”

“At you,” you correct her. “Also, you’re having an allergic reaction, and—if he really, honest-to-God scratched you—very probably an infection. Why are you even staying here?”

Your voice rises in pitch when you reach the sleeping cat. “Hello, you.” You stroke his fur. He only opens one eye to sniff you, but once he recognizes you, he starts purring. For a moment, you forget the reason why you even came here.

Claire exhales loudly. She scratches her neck, her skin threatening to break out into hives. “It’s a long story,” she says.

You glare at her over your shoulder, your hand still stroking up and down the cat’s back as he settles back into a deep sleep. “I’m worried about you."

“That’s sweet of you, but I’m fine.”

“You called out of work and told Shelly you were sick.” You straighten up and turn back to face her. “You’re not sick, Claire.”

She sniffs as if to prove her point.

“Your immune system is overreacting by producing Immunoglobulin E. The antibodies are traveling to the cells responsible for releasing chemicals into your body, causing you to get a stuffy nose and break out into hives. You’re not sick. You’re allergic to cats and sharing an apartment with one. There’s a big difference,” you state. “Look, I know it’s none of my business, but you have to admit that, from where I’m standing, your behavior looks a little suspicious.”

“I’m going through some shit, alright?” she says. “And it’s a lot easier to deal with them here than back at my place. That’s why I called in sick.”

You don’t know what to make of her answer. It’s vague. You don’t like vague answers because they often indicate a bigger problem. It is one thing for you to deal with your demons on your own and refuse to talk about it with your best friend; it’s another thing entirely to keep a dangerous truth from the person you’re closest with, one that could potentially lead to worse consequences. If Claire were a naturally secretive person, maybe you would understand, but she isn’t like that. She isn’t you.

She’s the only person who knows your entire story. She saved your life. You can’t imagine her keeping secrets from you that might end up hurting her.

You dare to ask, “Are you in danger?”

She shakes her head a little too fast. “I’m fine, Liv. Really.”

“I’m sorry, but I have a hard time believing that.”

“It’s…personal.”

“Personal? Oh, my. Are you sleeping with Luke again?”

Claire stammers. The look on her face suggests that she didn’t expect you to jump to that conclusion. “What? How did you even–”

“Are you?” you repeat your question.

The last time she slept with Luke Cage, she lied to you about it. She knew you would worry. It’s only natural for you to come to that conclusion now. Except that Luke is in prison, serving his sentence, and it doesn’t make sense.

“How would I sleep with an incarcerated man?” Claire deadpans.

“I’m sure you have your ways,” you say.

“You’re grasping at straws.”

“That’s… true, but it’s coming from a place of love.”

She responds with a sigh. “I don’t wanna fight.”

You join in. You exhale, slowly lowering yourself down on the couch. “I’m sorry,” you murmur. “Just tell me you’re okay, please.”

She offers you a gentle smile. “I’m okay,” she says.

“Thank you.”

You choose to believe her. For the time being, at least.

The silence tugs at your brain cells. You obsessed over Claire’s situation because you didn’t want to face your own, but now that your thoughts have regained the freedom to roam and cause irreversible destruction, you start spiraling again.

You reach into your bag.

“You brought wine,” Claire points out.

“Yep,” you say. The bottle weighs heavily in your hand.

“You need a glass?”

You unscrew the top. “No.”

She doesn’t listen. Claire makes her way into the kitchen, reaching for the wine glasses in the cupboard. “Does this have anything to do with why your nose is all blue and swollen?”

You shake your head at her question. “That was a patient I tried to sedate. No, I, uh… I have a date,” your voice falls flat.

The wine glasses move back into the cupboard. Claire turns around, her eyebrows moving up to her hairline. “Come again?”

“I have a date.”

Saying it out loud makes it real. Something so surreal cannot be real, but it is. You have a date with Matt Murdock. Your heart begins racing again, and you feel the same desperate urge to scream into the nearest pillow again.

You take a sip of wine straight from the bottle. You have a date with a nice man who, for the first time in two years, made you see some resemblance of light at the end of this endless tunnel of despair, and the thought alone is terrifying. Because how are you supposed to live after just existing for the longest time? After you dedicated your life to the act of survival?

Claire steps out of the kitchen and in front of you. “Liv, that’s… that’s amazing!” she says. She sounds like a proud mother. Maybe she is.

You want to shake your head, but you can’t find it in yourself to do anything other than put the bottle back against your lips and take another sip. The alcohol burns down your esophagus into your stomach, spreading a warm feeling through your fragile body, and into your broken soul.

“Or not,” she corrects herself upon seeing the expression you’re carrying. Your eyes are empty. “I’m confused,” She pauses, “Are we not happy about the fact that you’ve finally got a date after two years of being miserable?”

If she puts it like that, you feel even more miserable. Another sip of wine finds its way down your throat.

“Okay, maybe you should put the bottle down. I’m sorry if I said something wrong–”

“It’s not you, it’s me.” You put the bottle down.

Claire sits down next to you, but you get up before she can take your hand and look at you with that caring look she always gives you when she’s worried. You’re not even mad that she played your concerns down when you expressed them and now she is expressing concerns about you; you’re mad at yourself.

She watches you. “You have a date. That’s a good thing. It means you allowed yourself to finally say yes to someone interested in you, right?”

“No,” you shake your head.

“Why not?”

“Because.”

“That’s not an answer.”

You’re pacing over the creaky floorboards. “The last time I went on a date with someone was after my intern year.”

Her gaze softens. “You told me that,” she murmurs.

“He took me to a restaurant,” you tell her. Your lip quivers as you speak, and your nails dig into your palms until they draw blood. You can barely feel it. His face is right in front of you. “It was a nice restaurant. He paid for me, even offered me his jacket while we were walking home. It was the best date I ever had. And then he kissed me on the doorstep before wishing me a good night.”

“I know. You told me all of that before. But you couldn’t have known that he would turn out to be who he turned out to be. He was your boss. He had no right—”

“That is precisely the problem, Claire!” your voice breaks. “The guy I met, he’s… his name is Matthew. He’s… he is so nice to me. He cares. He treats me like a human being. He… he’s respectful. He called me beautiful. I don’t even know how he knows that. He just… he was so nice to me, and I feel so comfortable around him. I haven’t felt this comfortable around a man in so long. I… I wanted to go out with him. I flirted with him, for fuck’s sake! And when I’m with him, I finally feel wanted again.”

“But you know who else was nice to me when I first met him?” you say. “Who was respectful? Who said I was the only real thing in this world, the only important thing in his life, and that he loved me? You know who made me feel safe and wanted, and who said he cared about me? John said that I was the most beautiful woman on this planet, and I fell for it because he was nice to me. He–”

“But that guy isn’t John,” Claire cuts you off. She raises her voice only slightly—only enough to make you stop and stare at her, tears streaming down your cheeks. You’re miserable. You’re a mess. It is truly embarrassing. But she doesn’t look at you any differently.

“Don’t you think I know that?” you snap back.

“Liv–”

“Every time I close my eyes, I see his face. I’m 32, and I can’t sleep without a nightlight most nights because I wake up in a cold sweat. I can’t drop a glass without going into shock. I can’t look in the mirror without feeling his hands on me. Without feeling disgusting and worthless, and…” You can feel the shiver traveling up your spine from the thought alone. “I can’t exist without feeling like he should have killed me when he got the chance.”

“Liv, I know you’re upset, but please, don’t say that,” Claire says, her voice gentle yet assertive.

“Why? It’s true. I wish he would’ve killed me. He took four years of my life that I can never get back. At least if he’d killed me I wouldn’t have to suffer now.”

“That’s exactly why I don’t want you saying things like that.”

“You don’t get it,” you say. “Every time I look in the mirror, I want to vomit because I see what he made of me. I can’t even meet a nice guy and allow myself to like him without seeing his face and hearing his stupid voice in my ear, telling me—telling me that no one will ever love me, that he tainted me, and that I will never be free of him because I can’t exist without him.” You break into a sob.

“And he was right, you know,” you cry. “I ran from him. I made the hardest decision of my life after years of living in his shadow, and I almost died. Because of him, I can’t trust a kind and respectful man who treats me like a person to actually be kind, and I recoil at the thought of someone being gentle with me. Something is seriously broken inside of me, Claire. Very, very broken.”

Claire opens her mouth, but all she can do is bear your tirade. She knows that if she speaks now, you will find another reason to shut her down. This is your pain talking. It’s a powerful avalanche set out to cause destruction on a global scale.

“With Matt, I—” you exhale. “I was myself around him for the first time since I ran away, and he didn’t shy away. I had hope, Claire. I felt like I could finally step into normal life again after settling down here, and I thought I’d have a chance,” you say. “But I just have to close my eyes, and John is right there to ruin everything for me. He is always right there, and I can’t fucking escape him. That’s the problem. That’s why I can’t be happy about this date because I’m fucking terrified. I can’t go through this again. I—I can’t give myself to someone again because there is hardly anything left of me. He took everything, including my ability to love another man ever again, and that thought is fucking with my head.”

You fall silent. The tears continue running down your cheeks, and you bury your face in your hands. Your knees are so weak. You don’t have it in you to hold yourself up any longer. You drop to the carpet, crying into your hands, but you don’t sob. You stay silent because your pain is so great, you don’t know whether to scream or shut down, so you scream internally and shut down from the world around you because you can’t face it. You can’t face Claire.

The couch creaks. Her feet brush against the carpet. “He abused you,” her voice borders above a whisper.

She kneels beside you, her hand reaching out—but not touching you. She knows what lines to cross and which to better leave untouched.

“What he did to you wasn’t your fault. He’s a cruel man with cruel intentions.” When you don’t shy away from her proximity, she finally places her hand on your shoulder. “You did the impossible. You survived. You’re here now because you chose to save yourself, and that is so admirable,” she says. “It’s been two years. You’re safe here, you’re not alone anymore, and I know it hurts and it is terrifying, but it’s a good sign that you want to feel more of what this guy made you feel.”

“But I can’t,” you choke out.

“I know, and I wish I could help you, but I’m not a professional. The truth is, John may have made you feel like there is nothing left of you, but you’re not Olivia Clarke. You’re still you. You’re still…” Claire takes a deep breath before she utters your name. Your real name. The one you were given when you were born.

The mention of your name makes you shiver. “She’s gone,” you say. “He killed her, but he left her body alive.”

“She’s not gone, she’s just buried very fucking deep. I mean, you said it yourself. You could be yourself around this other guy, and he took you for who you are. That isn’t Olivia, that’s you. And it’s such a good sign that you want to go out with him. That you like him. John hurt you, but he didn’t break you beyond repair. Please, you have to remember that.”

Your tears slowly subside. Her words finally manage to reach your rebelling mind through your ears. Even though everything feels like it has been wrapped in cotton, she manages to get through to you like no one else. It was a subconscious decision to come to her, but perhaps your soul knew something that you didn’t, and you can’t say that opening up didn’t help.

The mess slowly subsides. Left behind is nothing but hot air, and the words Claire decided to share with you.

You look up to meet her eyes. She smiles down at you. “I just… I don’t want to feel like this anymore,” you whisper.

“That’s why I think you should go on that date,” she tells you.

“Yeah, but who wants to sign up for a mess like me?”

“Seems like he does. And if he’s a good guy, he’ll like you regardless of your mess.”

“You know it’s not that easy.”

She shrugs. “I hate to break it to you, but you can’t pretend it never happened. And you can’t give John the satisfaction of putting your life on hold because of him. That’s just giving him what he wants.”

“I don’t want to give him what he wants,” you’re quick to answer.

Claire hands you a tissue, and you take it gratefully, wiping your runny nose and the salty tears stuck to your dry skin.

Her words stir something within you; even though you don’t want her to be right, she is. Matt may not deserve a mess like you, but if he’s truly a good guy, it can’t hurt to see if it would work between you. And when your past comes out eventually, there is a chance that he won’t abandon you. A slight chance, but a chance nonetheless. That’s a positive outlook you still have to learn how to adapt.

“C’mon.” Claire helps you off the floor and onto the couch.

You reach for the bottle of wine instantly, but she takes it away from you. She screws the top back on and places it aside, far out of your desperate reach.

“This is not the answer,” she says, “talking is.”

“Can’t we talk and have wine?” you counter.

“Not when you’re on the verge of a nervous breakdown.”

You sniff, wiping the remaining tears on your cheeks with the tissue.

“We need to take care of you, and alcohol won’t fix your problems.”

Once again, she isn’t wrong. You let out a defeated sigh before dropping your head in her lap.

A long time ago, you used to be an affectionate person. The fear of being hurt again, of someone raising their hand against you, took that away from you. With Claire though, it’s different. You know she won’t hurt you. She’s not that kind of person, and you can say that with complete certainty.

Claire Temple is not a violent human being, except for when the people she loves are in danger, but only then.

She gently brushes the hair out of your face and crumbles it into a messy bun at the back of your head. She wipes at your nose and the last of your tears before they can dry out your skin more than it already is. The past couple of days have taken an emotional and physical toll on you.

You wince slightly when you notice how sore your nose is. It isn’t broken, but you still got hit. You’re not quite healed yet. A shiver rolls down your spine.

Shaking her head, Claire gently removes her hand. “You always get yourself in trouble when I’m not around,” she mutters.

You scoff softly. “Maybe that’s a sign.”

“A sign for you to be more careful, yeah,” she says.

“Now, where would be the fun in that?” You try to joke, but your voice falls flat with the weight of your exhaustion.

Claire offers you a chuckle, but it’s more of a pity laugh than anything else.

You sigh. You know that you’re not an example when it comes to the significance of making the right decisions. Not at all.

“Did I ever thank you for saving my life?” you ask her then, breaking the silence between you in two.

She leans back against the cushions. “Once or twice.”

“Not nearly enough then.”

“I don’t know about that. I mean, if you hadn’t come into Metro General with your hand in a man’s chest cavity, I wouldn’t have gotten the chance to help you. You chose to stay.”

“Well, I had my hand on his vena cava, so, letting go would have been unfortunate for the poor guy.”

“That’s true.”

“But if you hadn’t disobeyed protocol, risking your job by putting your trust in me, I wouldn’t have had a reason to stay.”

Claire looks down at you, and you meet her eyes. “That sounded a lot like a love confession,” she nudges you.

You roll your eyes playfully. “You wish.”

“Hey, I’d understand it if you were in love with me. I’m hot.”

She never fails to make you laugh, even when you feel like a truck has rolled you over and broken every bone in your body. That is one of the many qualities you value about her. She’s a good person with a good heart, and she is the kind of person you could trust with your life and she would always make sure that you come out on the other side unharmed, mentally and physically.

If she hadn’t taken you under her wing, you’re not sure where you would be, but it surely wouldn’t be where you are now.

When your laughter quiets down, you nod. “I can’t argue with that. You are hot. If you weren’t my friend,” you say, “I’d ask you out.”

“And if I were into women, I’d say yes,” she says.

“I appreciate that.”

“Speaking of dates though–” She stops when you sigh a little too loudly. Claire shoots you a stern glare before she continues, “Promise me you won’t cancel.”

It’s not a question, it’s a statement. She wants you to mean it. You won’t lie; canceling your plans with Matt did cross your mind, but after Claire worked her magic on you, you can see a little clearer. The fog that kept your mind clouded has started to lift slowly but steadily. You’re no longer spiraling as fast as you have before.

If you could wash your hands and wash him off of you, it wouldn’t be as much of a problem as it is, but you’ve tried. You have tried washing all memory of him off of your body, out of your mind, but he’s a resilient son of a bitch. John will always try to drive a wedge between you and a normal, happy life, the question is just if you will allow him to do so without even being near you, or if you will finally allow yourself to crawl out of the dark hole he tossed you into.

You can’t do it alone, and asking for help is terrifying. You have spent the past two years trying to push through. Unfortunately, your healthy coping mechanisms won’t work forever.

You sigh again, a little quieter. “I won’t cancel,” you tell her, your voice barely above a whisper, yet still so very certain. As certain as you can be, anyway.

“Thank you.” Claire reaches for the wine bottle next to the couch. “You deserve to be happy.”

“Hm,” you can only murmur.

“What?”

“What are you doing with the bottle?” you ask.

“Drinking,” she says.

“Now I feel betrayed.”

“You should celebrate the fact that you found a Matt, or whatever his name is, and not another Mike.”

You promptly sit up. “Hold up. Pause. Rewind. Mike, like your ex?”

Claire takes a sip of the bottle. A storm rages behind her hazel eyes. You have never seen her that conflicted before.

“Is he the personal reason why you’re subjecting yourself to a constant allergic reaction by staying here?” you ask.

The pieces slowly start falling into place. She nods. “Not Mike Mike, but yeah. It’s always the Mike’s.”

Your jaw drops. “I feel like you skipped some chapters there. You met a guy and you didn’t tell me? What–”

“He met me,” she corrects you. “I didn’t tell you because we’re not a thing. Let’s just say there’s a reason his name is Mike. That’s why I’m here.”

Claire takes another sip. You watch her closely, trying to catch her in a lie, but it seems like she’s telling the truth—or a version of the actual truth, but that still makes it true. She’s giving you as much as she can after you cried your eyes out to her.

You clear your throat, lowering your voice. “But you’re not in danger?” you ask to clarify.

She shakes her head. “I just have shitty taste in men, even if it's platonic, apparently. It’s like… I’m trying to exist, and then I find a stray cat in a dumpster, but the stray cat has been stabbed and needs medical attention.”

“But you’re allergic to cats and you’re not a vet?” you try to make sense of her analogy.

When she lets out a sigh and nods, you figure you came as close as possible. It still doesn’t make sense to you, but when does anything? At least when it comes to romance and people’s love lives.

You decide to push a little more, “Did you actually find an injured guy in a dumpster?”

She shakes her head. The reaction comes a little fast, but you don’t question it. “No, that–that was just an analogy,” Claire says.

“And Mike is the stray cat in that analogy? But not your Mike, another Mike?”

“Yeah.”

“Dude, you’re frying my brain cells.”

“The single one you still have, or did you buy new ones?”

You try not to laugh, trying to look like you are genuinely offended, but your lips still curl up into a smile. “Shut up,” you mutter. You reach for the bottle, against better judgment, and take a sip.

Claire shakes her head. “What I’m trying to tell you is that, if he’s a good guy, you can’t let him slip away. You can’t let a good thing slip away and possibly end up with a–a Mike kinda guy for the rest of your life.”

“I know.” You look down at your hands, your broken fingernails, and sore knuckles from the constant scrubbing. “I just wish I could understand what he’s doing to me without questioning my entire existence.”

“Some people are just that enigmatic,” and she sounds as if she knows exactly what she’s talking about.

You wonder about Mike. Not her ex-boyfriend but the one she mentioned. He sounds like he has no sense of self-preservation, and he may not even be a good influence. He reminds you of yourself, and that’s creepy—you don’t even know him.

And then there is Matt, who is also so eerily similar to you, but in different ways. It’s more of an emotional connection. His heart is in the right place. And unlike the Devil of Hell’s Kitchen, he doesn’t have a savior complex.

Why did he even come to your mind? His existence should not be playing into the equation. You brush the picture of his chiseled chest in that tight shirt away, or the way he looked even more dangerous with that smirk below the the mask.

You hand the wine bottle back to Claire. If you don’t cut yourself off now, you will melt into a puddle of embarrassment.

Your focus should be on Matt and Matt alone. You have to try. Claire was right. You can’t sacrifice your happiness because you’re scared—you can’t give the man who dedicated his life to breaking you and your confidence down the satisfaction of cowering in fear every time a man shows an interest in you. A good man. A man who could make you happier than he ever had.

You won’t run this time. You will face the situation head-on. You owe that much to the little girl who dreamed of a life beyond the hell she grew up in, the same girl who was obsessed with finding her soulmate and still believed in true love. Above everyone, you owe it to yourself. No one else matters quite as much as you do.

And for the sake of seeing what could be instead of wondering what could have been, you have to try.

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