#just a reminder that this is a joke but fertility issues aren’t

[sorryforbiengabitch]

So brave of him to open up about his fertility issues!❤️

[the-odd-job]

Nature Calls - Chapter 2: The Consequence

Rating: Explicit Warnings: Rape/Non-Con Warnings for Chapter: None Category: Other Fandom: Transformers > Merformers Characters: Sideswipe, Sunstreaker Relationships: Sideswipe/Sunstreaker Additional Tags: Mating Cycles/In Heat, Captivity, Aliens, Aquariums, Captive Mers, Hurt/Comfort, Incest, Twincest, Mutual Non-Con Tags for Chapter: Angst Words for Chapter: 1401 

Yeah so there’s more of it, I couldn’t resist. Angst!

“You’re expecting, aren’t you?”

Sideswipe jumped when he heard Sunstreaker’s voice behind him.

He would’ve wanted to chuckle, to say something smart, just… Anything except hang his head in defeat and quietly say, “Yeah, I think I am.”

He should’ve expected Sunstreaker would notice. Maybe not the fact his midsection had rounded ever so imperceptibly, but the way Sideswipe had huddled against one wall, considering his body, that was hard to miss.

It wasn’t obvious yet, and he could be wrong—maybe he was just imagining things—but something gave him the feeling he wasn’t mistaken.

He just knew, even if he couldn’t put a finger on it yet.

He just knew.

Sunstreaker stayed quiet for long enough that Sideswipe had to glance over his shoulder to confirm his brother was even there yet. Not that there were a lot of places to go. There was no semblance of privacy in the tank.

If there was, maybe Sideswipe could’ve hidden it a little bit longer. Though why would he hide it?

To postpone having to tell Sunstreaker something that brought that look of anguish on his face.

“Hey,” Sideswipe said softly, turning around and closing the last bit of distance between them. He grabbed Sunstreaker by the hips to stabilize himself and bumped their foreheads together. “It’s okay.”

His voice cracked.

Sunstreaker still didn’t say anything, nor did he return any of the physical contact. For a moment Sideswipe couldn’t find the words to break the silence. Words had been hard to come by ever since the incident, despite the months that had crawled by.

He just wanted to be over it. How he’d hoped nothing would come out of it, that it could stay as a one time mistake with nothing but fading memories to show for it. With time, he could’ve moved over it, he was sure of it.

He wasn’t so sure anymore, not with that feeling of new life he had.

Not with the way he wasn’t quite as slim as he used to be.

“At least we don’t have fertility issues,” Sideswipe joked weakly, cracking a tumultuous smile. Sunstreaker huffed, leaning more heavily into the contact between them.

“Not funny, Sideswipe.”

Maybe in another world it would’ve been.

“Yeah,” Sideswipe agreed quietly, “not really funny, is it?”

There was nothing funny about this situation. But what were they going to do?

Sideswipe scrunched his eyes shut, fighting back the hitch in his breathing.

What were they going to do? Hope that he miscarried? It would be better if he did. Then they could just leave this behind them and hope it never happened again. Pretend it didn’t happen in the first place. Not let it affect them or their crappy lives. 

But they were his, despite everything. Theirs. And he loved his brother.

It wasn’t right, but they were theirs. Their blood. His blood. They meant something to him.

And he wanted to protect that. Or maybe he didn’t, maybe it was just the instincts talking again. Didn’t matter, he still couldn’t deny them. There was already that feeling of protectiveness mixed in with all the rest. All the negative.

The this is wrong, I don’t want this, this was never supposed to happen, I can’t take it.

He couldn’t stop his breath from hitching. Sunstreaker rumbled wordlessly, finally moving to pull him fully against him. Sideswipe buried his face into his brother’s shoulder and Sunstreaker wrapped his arms around him, nuzzling the side of his head. “We’ll get through this,” he promised.

There was less doubt in his voice than Sideswipe would’ve expected. He wanted to believe it. Wanted to believe they could make it, somehow—that even if the worst came to pass, they could make it.

He just didn’t know what the worst was. Not carrying to term? Something happening that made him lose the litter? That he did carry to term and they were born?

That they were born but came out wrong? Relatives weren’t meant to reproduce with each other, it wasn’t good. It wasn’t good. Things could go so, so wrong.

Whichever of those was the worst, he was scared of it, scared of all of it. He still couldn’t get the memories out of his head. When they laid down to sleep for the night, he couldn’t not remember the way Sunstreaker had pinned him down and held him in place.

He couldn’t forget that night.

And now he was supposed to deal with the consequences of their lapse in control? Grow them inside his body? Bring them to this world? Raise them?

How was he supposed to do any of that?

Sunstreaker said they would get through this, but Sideswipe didn’t see how. How were they ever going to do that now that there was the chance they would have constant reminders of what happened? First in the way his body would change to accommodate the babes, and afterwards... 

He didn’t even want to think about it. Didn’t want to give thought to what things would be like after everything was said and done.

They wouldn’t be able to pretend it hadn’t changed their lives, and not for the better.

They wouldn’t be able to pretend they hadn’t been violated. To have such a constant reminder… And they couldn’t allow themselves to hold it against the babes either, could they? They were innocent in this. They couldn’t help the circumstances of their conception, or anything that followed.

It was their mistake, their mistake to carry and they couldn’t burden the little ones with it.

But how was he not going to hold it against them, when he so dearly wished they didn’t exist?

“What are we going to do?” Sideswipe asked barely above a whisper, hanging tighter onto Sunstreaker. “I can’t- What if I can’t love them? I don’t want to… I don’t want to want anything but the best for them.” But could he do that? 

Could he live with himself if he couldn’t?

“We’re going to do everything we can. Our best,” Sunstreaker answered, holding him tighter in turn.

It wasn’t as comforting anymore as it had once been, but Sideswipe held tight to that old piece of him that had loved his brother’s embrace and found so much solace in it. 

Their best. What was that going to be? “What if it’s not enough?” he couldn’t help but ask. What if his best still left the little ones without the love they would’ve deserved just for existing, no matter how they’d come into existence? What if he couldn’t care for them like he should?

“You can do it,” Sunstreaker murmured.

Sideswipe laughed a humorless little bark. Did he have a choice? That didn’t mean he couldn’t fail.

He didn’t want to fail.

“And I’ll help you,” Sunstreaker continued. “Any way I can.”

“Thanks,” Sideswipe whispered.

He wasn’t sure if even that would be enough. He hadn’t even been able to look at his brother the same, and now he was… He was going to have something that was as much Sunstreaker’s as it was his. And he was supposed to look at his twin at all? The babes? How could he look at them and not feel the despair?

It could happen again, a voice in his head kept whispering. They were trapped here, with each other, and the Gathering would happen every year. If he carried to term, he would have one year relatively worry free. Just one. But after that?

They’d already failed once, given in to things that no siblings should ever partake in with each other. Would that give them motivation to fight harder the next time?

Or would it demoralize them?

Would it even be worth it to try to fight it, if that only led to pain, and if it was likely they were going to fail anyway?

Wouldn’t it be better to just get it over with at the beginning? Cut the torture short?

Sideswipe knew what the answer for him was. He didn’t want to ask for Sunstreaker’s thoughts.

But he knew what his own answer was.

Give up. 

There was no point. To any of this. Not to the tank, not to their lives, not to what they were forced to become because of the humans. He would keep going because that was all he knew how to do, but…

He was so tired. 

He was just so tired.

-----------------------------------

Chapter 1 / Chapter 2 / Chapter 3

[goddamnwritersblock]

Edda, Elizabeth, and Jade

Chapter 2

847, December 359

That woman. Edda. She was with the church and let me tell her what they were actually doing. She believed me. She told me that she had some thinking to do and left before she could even eat the meal I had made. What a gullible girl. It’s almost charming. I’ve only talked to her once and it was a sensitive topic for both of us and yet she never leaves my mind. I don’t know if that’s a bad thing yet or not.

847, December 360

I want to see her so desperately and I don’t know why. What reason do I have to be so infatuated with her? She’s just another woman! And yet… there’s something different about her that has me in its hands. Maybe if I see her again this feeling will go away.

847, December 363

Well, I finally saw Edda again. But now the feeling is stronger than ever! Why did it have to be me Freyja? Why with her? I suppose I shouldn’t question you.

848, January 002

She came to me in a panic today. She said she had converted to my religion and announced her leave and that she had nowhere else to go so she came to me. She’s in the spare room sleeping. Freyja I don’t know how much more I can take of this. I think I know what this is but I’m still unsure. Please give me strength.

With that being said and done I leave the book where it lays to clean up the mess from tonight’s meal, feeding the scraps of meat to Bjorn, and setting the bones out to dry for later use. My mind keeps wandering to her. Checking on her won’t hurt right? I nudge the door open seeing her sleeping form. I’ve never seen her without that headdress on. Now it’s strewn about across the pillow and the bed eventually falling off the edge. It was quite long actually. It’s beautiful. Long, straight and snow-white, I’ve never seen anything like it before. She stirs a bit in her sleep so I decide to leave the room. Perhaps I’ll visit the shrine.

With my warmest furs on I write a quick note to Edda which reads:

“Edda, I have left to go visit a shrine two towns over.

Perhaps you should have come with me to learn more about the gods but I am in dire need of answers to a personal issue.

I’ve left some basic recipes on the back and the locations of where to find utensils and ingredients. If I’m not back by the day after tomorrow and you have food leftover feed the meat to Bjorn and set the bones out to dry. I like to use them for many things.

Just don’t burn down the home! I mean that in a joking way, sorry.”

I pet Bjorn goodbye and walk out into the cold of winter dawn and begin my journey. I’ve only just reached the end of the small dirt path when I hear the sound of feet hitting the ground getting closer and closer. Turning around I see Edda quickly approaching trying to fasten the buttons on the fur cloak I’d gifted her.

“I saw your letter! Do you think I could come with you? I want to see what it’s like.” I do really want her to come with me and she could give a prayer if she wants to and it’ll be educational.

“Alright. When we get there please stay close. I don’t want any accidents.” As the words left my lips a big grin appeared on her face. It was a kind of joy I’ve never seen on her before. Surely it can’t actually mean that much to her, right? “Well, let’s go. It’ll be a bit of a walk.” With that, we begin walking side by side, Edda admiring the bare trees and talking about this and that. I’ve learned that she likes sweet things and she likes the different shades of green and brown. She learned I like storm clouds and stars. She told me she likes living with me more because I’m kinder than they were both in my actions and words. I’ve noticed that she flinches away whenever I raise my hand and I don’t think I want to know.

We walk a few hours more in silence, the only noise coming from animals and the freezing wind that blows occasionally. Every now and then I think I catch her looking at me with a certain look on her face. It reminds me of the looks my father would give my mother after a long day working in the fields. He would come home, give her that very same look, and hold her as close as he could until she pushed him away to share the expression. I doubt Edda would actually be looking at me the way they looked at each other no matter how badly I want her to. Wishful thinking I suppose. I must admit that I’ve been looking at her too whether I’m supposed to or not.

We finally decided to stop once the sun started going down over the mountains. Wanting to help she took it upon herself to gather wood for a fire while I hunt for a rabbit or a bird to eat. I only have five arrows in the quiver I brought so the shots need to count. After catching two smaller rabbits and returning to the camp we set up, I start preparing everything to eat later on. Edda sits next to me happily drawing pictures in the dirt with a stick. They aren’t very good. I’ve taken to whittling a small figure, I don’t know who or what it’ll be yet I’m just carving as I go. Soon after I hear a startled gasp come from the red-eyed woman next to me and when I look over her face held an expression of excitement and fear looking into bushes across from us.

“Mjoll, look!” She points at a pair of glowing yellow eyes staring back at us. With slow movements I leave my dagger and wood laying on the ground, reaching for my bow. Knocking it I take my aim. “Hey! What are you doing?” She exclaimed in a hushed voice.

“I’m going to shoot it, what does it look like?!” I match her volume as to not make whatever is in the bushes run away. It could be useful to us later on.

“You can’t do that! It’s just a fox, he's done nothing to you!” She seems to really care about it. Despite my gut telling me to shoot the damn thing I put the weapon down and watch as the fox slowly and carefully makes its way towards the two of us. Edda reaches out, letting the fox cautiously sniff and lick her open hand. She starts petting it with gentle touches, it flinches away but soon melts into the touch.

“Mjoll you have to pet him he’s so soft!”

“No.”

“You’re no fun.”

“And here we will have our first lesson on the gods. Loki is the god known for mischief and putting others in danger due to his own recklessness and personal pleasures. He’s not to be trusted and one of the forms he likes is a red fox.” She stares blankly, simply pointing to the fox that has curled up and fallen asleep. “Yes. For all you know that could be him trying to gain trust for some ridiculous scheme of his.”

“Well… If it is him then I guess I’ll just have to suffer the consequences.” Why would she think this is a good idea? I just told her it could be dangerous!

“Okay, you do that. I’m going to eat and go to sleep.” All she does is give a hum in response and let me eat alone, paying more attention to the fox. Eventually, I lay down with the last thing being heard is Edda cooing at the animal as if it were a human child.

Another day and night pass before we reach the shrine. There are not many people here which I suppose is a good thing. I whisper to Edda letting her know that I’d be praying at one of the singular shrines within the building. She simply smiled and nodded. I sit and finally start my prayer while she looks around. I mumble through my prayers for a few minutes seeking some sort of answer to why I feel like this. Why do I want to spend almost every waking moment with her, why I want to be so close to her, why do I want her to hold me in her arms and never let go? Why do I catch myself looking at her the way my father did with mother? Why is she one of the most beautiful people I’ve seen? The feelings are amazing but I hate that I can’t make sense of them. My heart always speeds up and I get almost anxious when she’s around. My face heats up as well, I always feel like I look like a red rose but one that’s starting to wilt. I feel like a very soft clay or maybe mud. I hate it. I get pulled away from my concentration by the sound of something falling. When I turn to look at what the noise was I see a statue of Freyja rolling away on the floor and Edda scrambling to catch it and put it back on the pedestal. She finally catches it and I go back to my prayers without another thought. She comes over and sits next to me simply watching as I continue my work.

”So, Mjoll. What exactly are you doing?” She asks with seemingly all the curiosity in the world.

”I’m praying to Freyja.”

”Is it for forgiveness? Like what we had to do in church?”

”No, it's a… A personal matter.” She lets out a soft ‘oh’ and looks at the floor for a bit. ”Well I’m finished. Are you ready to go?”

”I want to make prayer too. I don't know who Freyja is though.”

”She’s a goddess of things like love, fertility, beauty, gold, and cats. Women often come and ask her for help with fertility and love. They leave her offerings. I actually have some I need to put by the altar.”

”Were you asking for love? I think that's what I'll do.” My face goes red at her question and I quickly deny it. Even if she had someone she liked it definitely was not me. I walked over to the altar and opened the bag I brought with me and pulled out a honey nut cake wrapped gently in cloth and a small jar of honey cream both of which I made the day before we left the hut. The tie on the cake has a golden pendant that I have no use for anymore attached to it. I place them gently among all the other offerings of food, fine wine, mead, gold, and figures of cats in various metals and materials. I was very lucky to get everything to make them.

”Mjoll? I’ve finished.” I jump slightly in surprise, it's like she appeared behind me out of thin air. I turn and nod and with that, we start walking back home. Hopefully this time without a fox to distract her.

We return home and Edda goes straight for Bjorn to start petting him, which he thoroughly enjoys. Meanwhile, I begin making dinner which, honestly, isn't much. Just some fish and herbs which will be fried on a pan over the fire with some vegetables. I prepare the fish, herbs and the other greens before lighting the fire and cooking everything together. It takes longer than I expected it to but, eventually, it’s finished and I’m able to serve everything at the table. Before we start eating I cut off a small portion of my fish and give it to Bjorn on his own separate little wooden plate. The meal was silent for the first few minutes before I broke the silence.

“So… Remind me, what did you pray about?” Her answer came out very casually as if it weren’t actually that big a deal.

“Love.” That was it. Nothing else came out.

“What does that mean?”

“I mean the romantic kind. The kind you see between all the newlyweds. Only I’d like it to last.”

“Do you already have someone you like?” She choked a bit at the question and turned very red in the face. Perhaps it’s just because of how pale she is or maybe it really was that personal or embarrassing.

“I mean um… Maybe I do, maybe I don't, who really knows?”

“You should know Edda. After all, it’s your own feelings.” Her eyes darted around to anywhere except me. She looked at her cup, the fire, the cat, the tapestry on the wall, everything but me.

“Is there anyone you like, Mjoll?” I sat silently debating whether I should tell the whole truth or not. I decided on a partial truth, after all, it seems like she already has her eyes on someone else.

“Yes. But I doubt they’d like me back. I haven’t even known them for that long and I’m already head over heels for her- THEM! Head over heels for them!” I give a nervous chuckle and take a long drink from my cup and keep my eyes averted, hoping she didn’t hear my obvious mistake.

“You like girls too?” When I looked up at her she had a very hopeful look on her face.

“Well I like men but I’ve found myself looking at the women too. I guess I like both but I feel like I shouldn’t. It feels wrong but at the same time it feels so natural.”

“I understand how you feel.” She reaches across the table to take my hands in her own. They’re soft and delicate. Like they’ve never had to work a day in their life, yet they are riddled with small thin scars. “When I was with the church I revealed my thoughts to one of the sisters and she told me that I was being sinful, that God was sure to send me to hell if I didn’t set my mind straight. That Lucifer had taken hold of my heart and was twisting my thoughts. She told Father Williams and… Well, he did a few things that I don’t want to talk about. They all made me feel like I was an abomination but the romance I feel for women feels right.” Her voice started trembling when she mentioned Father Williams. I try and comfort her the best I can and we continue eating once she’s calmed down.

The table has been cleaned along with the dishes. It would’ve been much easier if Bjorn would stop tugging at my skirt and pawing at my legs. Once everything was put away I decided to follow him only to end up right in front of Edda. I would walk away to get more of the housework done but he kept dragging me to her. This went on for a good week. He just wouldn’t leave me alone. When he did finally give up he did the same with her for, again, a week straight but she enjoyed the attention he was giving her. And that’s when it hit me. He was acting as a messenger. Both of us had prayed for love related things. I wanted to make sense of them and to know if there was any chance of her liking me back in that way and she said that she asked for a good and true kind of love. Over the two weeks, we’d become more comfortable and got to know each other even more.

I think today is the day where I’ll tell her. I asked her if she wanted to come with me into the forest to hunt for mushrooms and other things of interest. She immediately perked up at the question and agreed quickly. In the meantime, I had been teaching her how to weave a basket which she was actually quite good at. I wish I could say I was a fast learner like she is, it took me until last summer to get the hang of it. Edda had finished it early this morning so she was ready to go. We both get ready in our own rooms, getting our boots on, our heavy dresses, our hoods, and whatnot. Bag and quiver at my sides and bow and basket in hand I walk out to the main room where she was already waiting for me. When she noticed my presence she got this big smile and a sort of softness in her eyes before she came over and brought me into a firm hug. It’s been so long since I’ve had physical contact like this that it took me a bit to react and hug her back. The height difference made it slightly awkward, with my face having nowhere else to go but her chest. My short arms also couldn’t quite reach all the way around her body. We stood like this for maybe a minute before separating.

“Well, I really liked that.” She has her hands on her hips and looked very pleased with herself. With all that said and done we leave and wander into the forest.

It didn’t take long to start finding the things we were after. We found some berries that were safe, mushrooms, some bones, things like that. The entire time we made small talk about the flora and fauna and which ones were safe and which were not. Somewhere along the lines of words, we started talking about our feelings on various things, for the most part we agree. I was thinking of when I should pop up with the things nagging me. But so far there hasn’t been enough silence between topics to actually say anything. It wasn’t until noon that the silence I was waiting for appeared.

“Edda?”

“Hm?” The noise was cheerful, the mood Mjoll was trying to get her in.

“I think I have something I want to tell you.”

“Oh dear, is it serious?”

“Yes but not in a bad way! I um…”

“Yes?”

“I think… We should pick up some oysters from the market before we go home.”

“Oh yes, that sounds great!”

She’s now talking about how we should have them what should go with it. I’m angry at myself, I don’t understand why I couldn’t do it. Perhaps it’s the fear of rejection that’s holding me back.

[rendezvous-ramblings]

Does E ever get weirded out about the age gap? I’m just wondering bc when I first started getting close to this guy, I later ended up developing feelings for, he would drop in little statements (jokingly and not) about how we were from different generations even though he’s 13 years older than me. Recently we got closer and he started to acknowledge that we aren’t THAT far apart in age.

E and I are well past the stage where he’s “weirded out” by our age gap. I don’t really think much of it either when we’re together because I just see him for him. If that makes any sense? We’ve known each other so well now that it’s to the point where sometimes we can tell how the other is genuinely feeling without any words. I’m horrible at communicating how I feel and tend to bottle up my emotions and E sees very clearly through that. It’s something I’m still working on and he’s always very supportive and non-confrontational when he gently asks me to be honest now or I could wait until later when I’m more comfortable. 

E does still (unfortunately) make jokes about our age gap, however, the jokes are not as common as they used to be, but it’s still dark humor or self-deprecating. I either tell him to stop or I’ll just joke around along with him depending on the joke. For example (I’ve mentioned before), he once told me to leave him if his heart ever gives out when we’re having sex and just go home. His exact words ‘Go home and wait until someone else finds me. Don’t get caught with my body.’ 😂😭  I just punched him in the arm and was like “Babe, you’re not that old. I would never leave you in a situation like that. God forbid if that ever happens which I highly doubt it will.” 

Generally, I think with time the age difference doesn’t really preoccupy your mind too much especially when you know the person very well and get along with them. Whenever we’re in public we don’t get many stares and nobody has ever walked up to us and said anything nasty. I feel like if anybody were to notice anything about us the first thing they would see is the fact that we’re an interracial couple. 

The age difference may eventually catch up with age gap couples later on in life or in very specific situations. Say if you’re trying to have children with an older partner and he/she has fertility issues due to their age. Or if your partner develops health complications or other issues because they are aging quicker than you are. Sometimes sacrifices might have to be made by the younger partner and they’ll have to act as a caretaker. Also, depending on your partner's genetics their age might show more apparently as you both progress throughout the years. Things like that may be reminders of the age gap but if you’re in love and in a healthy relationship those things can be overcome together. 

[shotfromguns]

Good, long thread by @TheMittani on Twitter on “neoconfederacy” in the South:

if you ever wonder why i got politically 'radicalized' it's because i grew up in alabama as an atheist child of two biochemistry professors; at 17 i graduated and moved away forever. reminder: Alabama came within 1.7% of sending a known pedo to the senate~

any '13th dimensional chess' tweets about how the AL leg composed this abortion ban to provoke a court fight has never met an actual neoconfederate this is what they want 100%, it's a white supremacist aristo fertility cult and all the moves make sense when understood that way

source: i have been to an unironic country club debutante ball in dear old mountain brook and folks have no idea how much intergenerational wealth transfer has carried over from the days of slavery in that society's upper class

for context, when i was in high school there were three country clubs, maybe 20k citizens, and zero black students; every street is named after a civil war battle, and 'houses' there would be called mansions anywhere else

best public schools in the state though~

folks have no clue how rich and well-educated the ruling class in alabama is, going to mountain brook means if you don't get into one of the better ivys you're probably a bitter slacker like me legislation like this isn't from stupid hicks, it's the goal

southern aristos can be incredibly intelligent and well-traveled and are all the more dangerous politically because they are happy to play dumb in public with the aw-shucks jesus loving hick routine in order to quietly run an antebellum society and pit poor whites against blacks

it's almost comically effective, I do this stuff all the time in Eve - say laughably wrong things, act like a fool, and then it's much easier to outmaneuver people. The most dangerous enemy is one who is comfortable with being publicly underestimated.

I mean to say, 'ha ha eat my ass look at me I'm so great at spaceship games', please interpret my above tweet as evidence of hubris and ignorance rather than giving up an actual tactic I've employed so often it's been nicknamed the 'tee hee, flounce flounce' by my chief of staff

'I'm the fucking Mittani, I know everything in this game,' another good one wearing red shirts? stupid gimmick, keep doing it because it's a stupid gimmick, it's far better for our competitors/enemies to see me as a joke luv2club? tee hee, flounce flounce, same shit

anyhoo yeah it's the same dance, play god-fearing jesus lover to keep the poor whites on your side, maintain that patriarchy with the complicity of ruling class women who enjoy the economic benefits of neoconfederacy, and live over the mountain so no one spots all the lexuses

it's interesting to see the term neoconfederate finally get some use but it implies that there isn't already an actual working confederate states of america right in front of everyone's eyes that's been there since reconstruction, none of that shit is an accident

if you put 'hail hydra' on statues in every town in the region you don't have to bother saying 'hail hydra' or announce in print that you're down with hydra, everyone who lives there gets it

the issue is not being part of a traitorous conspiracy against the united states government (i mean hydra, not the neoconfederacy, ha ha!) the problem comes when you state it where those not in on it can hear you. Viz: ”Alabama newspaper editor calls for Klan return to ‘clean out D.C.’”

i kind of like the hydra analogy for the neoconfederacy, because all this shit - 'states rights', 'pro-life', 'voter fraud', these disparate causes are actually all the same cause: the ~lost~ cause

southern politics makes a lot more sense when viewed through the lens of pro/anti-confederacy politics; confederate society is based upon a ruling gentry descended from the cavaliers see generally https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Albion%27s_Seed actual /aristos/ not merely rich people

so basically you have an entrenched aristocracy that traces their lineage back 10+ generations running a plantation society and fighting like fucking hell to maintain that privilege, privilege most people in the usa cannot even begin to imagine

generic usa high ~net worth individuals~ have nothing on the cunning and unity maintained by ancient proud cavalier aristocratic families in the south with shitloads of money who will do anything to protect the universe they and their forefathers have created (via slavery)

the whole 'the south will rise again' thing is a huge joke because the structure of the society immediately returned to functional slavery as soon as it could get away with it, the south already 'rose' after reconstruction, it's right in fucking the open

if they get away with the abortion thing, they'll gun for brown v board next; these people remember life before MLK and they have not forgotten or forgiven the civil rights movement those behind this aren't hicks, they very smart confederates acting like hicks to fool you.

many old privileged families come with a legacy and a purpose imposed on you from birth it's not a stretch of the imagination that the quest of a lot of these old aristo families is to restore the society to antebellum life and get their privileges (slavery) back

the civil war was only a few generations ago, these families have not forgotten and they have not let their children forget the monuments, the street named for war battles, that's why it matters still to them

southern aristos are pro-life because the whole point of the society is the poor whites fight the poor blacks, and restricting abortion = more labor and poverty to exploit by the gentry the goal of their flavor of white supremacy is about getting rich off slaves, not death camps

not that they have a problem with a death camp or three, it's difficult to communicate how utterly disposable the lives of people outside of their class are, this is a society whose rulers believe that god has anointed them to rule over their lessers

its not rocket science, you take a slaveholding landed gentry and take away their slaves and land (good!) that gentry is going to spend its time fanatically scheming to get its land and slaves back (bad, what we see in southern politics)

anyhoo what i'm saying is that this isn't about random kooks trying to put women 'in their place' (there's a bunch of them too, useful idiots) but part of a broad campaign across generations by a dispossessed cavalier nobility to get all their lost privileges (slavery) back

conveniently the rest of america doesn't have much of an entrenched aristo/gentry culture anymore so the maneuvers of the 'neo' confederates just look like random right wing lashing out rather than a deliberate series of moves to benefit the southern aristocracy

the reality of the modern confederacy reminds me a lot of 'The City and the City' in that it's clearly visible to those raised within it, yet its contour is completely alien to outsiders who don't know how to 'see' it the 'right' way.

shit like Roy Moore being a pedo but coming within 1.7% of winning a senate seat makes a buttload more sense than 'alabama voters will send anything not a democrat', Moore is a proud and loud confederate and Doug Jones is anti-confederate it's the confederacy - always.

Pro-life? Confederacy. State's Rights? Confederacy. Gun rights? Confederacy. Religious Freedom/Gay Cake Stuff? Confederacy. Anti-union? Confederacy. If you're a Cavalier or one of their foremen, it all fits~ 

Robert Caro basically spelled out in intricate detail how the confederacy works in his LBJ bios but particularly Master of the Senate, read these if you want a primer on actual power and its uses: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Years_of_Lyndon_Johnson

when LBJ shifted to supporting voting rights, the confederacy simply switched its support from the democrats to the republicans. it's a real thing and its moves make perfect sense once you grok the core motivations of the southern gentry and their henchmen~

you see this repeatedly through history where one side stops fighting after a victory and the other side loses but keeps trying to find ways to win, the Union torched the south and moved on, but the confederacy has /never stopped fighting/ using whatever means they have available

tl;dr "it's the confederacy, stupid" also explains those crazy 'obama is the antichrist' memes; if you're a confederate, a black president existing is against everything your flavor of pro-slavery jesus stands for

None of this thread really applies to Texas. I was born in Houston, moved to AL at 10; completely different culture in Texas. Going to rodeos, oil/cattle, science, ranching. When I say the 'South' I'm talking about the plantation society of the Cavaliers.

As a quick example of using the Lost Cause to understand Cavalier political behavior, Lindsey Graham's 'hypocrisy' makes perfect sense. He doesn't give a shit about spewing nonsense or lying to Yankees, all he cares about is Dixie. He's not dumb at all; the Union is his enemy.

Expanded May 17, 2019:

oh yeah and Mitch McConnell was born and raised in Alabama and then Georgia from 8yrs on, so heyoooo

look up how long jeff sessions family has been naming their kids after jefferson davis on his bio dixie is real; it's the confederacy, the political moves the cavaliers and their overseers are making on behalf of the lost cause as plain as day if you know what to look for

just gonna spend Friday night reading Albion’s seed to learn more fun ~cavalierfacts~ like how their royalist gentry is literally all one big interrelated family and coordinates retribution and uses debt to control the poor

“It is difficult to think of any ruling elite that has been more closely interrelated since the Ptolemies” holy lawl (it is a history insult as he’s basically calling the cavaliers a nest of outright incest, the Ptolemaic dynasty was Targaryen-style sibling marriage)

Hey guess what turns out the control of women is deeply ingrained in cavalier society because uh... kidnapping / human trafficking / sexual slavery and a massively skewed male to female ratio lovely people, these confederates

“These patterns did not develop by chance. Virginia’s great migration was the product of policy and social planning. Its royalist elite succeeded in shaping the social history of an American region partly by regulating the process of migration” (p 232) fucking hell it’s all here

May 22, 2019:

by req: another ‘understanding the confederacy’ thing, all the protest tweets saying “the cruelty is the point” are wrong, the point is opportunities for race-based policing (a la weed), disenfranchisement, reinforcing patriarchy, and more labor/babies to exploit + compliance

sure there’s a bunch of cruelty in there too but the whole thing is a means to the ends of rolling back the civil rights movement and restoring the structure of Dixie as the gentry/cavaliers prefer; the confederates may be slavers at heart but they’re not cartoon villains

(they're way worse)

In case I get hit by a bus, I currently think the concept of hegemonic liberty is the most misunderstood aspect of the cavalier mindset, so here’s three key pages from Albion’s Seed~

And the cavalier conception of condescension and deference as two sides of God’s hierarchy and order is a fracture point, that’s why incivility towards one’s ‘betters’ is so provocative - milkshakes would probably work over here, too

Also by hiding and lying about the existence of Dixie, they fragment their opposition into issue-based groups - pro-choice, gun control, voters rights, anti-racism - instead of each opposition group recognizing that they are fighting the same confederate foe

Not like they really hid that much, they had confederate flags flying over their capitols ever since the Civil War until recently, but the Union won the war and moved on, so folks think they’re fighting random bigots and not the CSA

May 23, 2019:

the lack of a concerted effort by the democratic party to win and develop victories in the south has allowed the bulwark of the RNC power to be unchallenged, if you erode the Dixie Wall in the Senate the republicans pretty much lose all their functional power

as the DNC is incompetent one doesn't need to rely upon them, state by state in Dixie voting rights and organization must be pushed to undermine the structure of confederate power, that's the fracture point, that and forcing their true nature as confederates into the open

I'll develop all this crap into more useful tactics on the upcoming blog thing but this is all just-in-case 'yo guys, if I get hit by a bus, take Albion's Seed, drive through Mountain Brook for proof of everything I'm saying (crestline doesn't count lawl) go fight hydra'

as someone will inevitably discover not EVERY street in Mountain Brook is named for civil war battles (there's a lot), the really old money lives on streets named for old british estates/towns + they're episcopalians (anglican 2.0) not baptists, of course

[turtle-paced]

Revisiting Chapters: Jon IV, ADWD

We all love a good chapter devoted to our PoV character attending meetings.

The story so far…

Jon has a lot of guests at the Wall. Some of them are staying, some of them are going to march on the Boltons. Now Jon has to work out how and whether to help them all.

Winter Is…Not Adequately Provisioned For

We start our chapter with a literal taking stock. 

Jon, Dolorous Edd, Bowen Marsh and Wick Whittlestick venture into Castle Black’s granaries and cold storage to work out what exactly they have and how long it might last. Sensibly for a castle located in the climate it’s located in, Castle Black has a lot of underground tunnels so that the Watch doesn’t get snowed in. With Jon, we tour Castle Black’s granaries, root cellars, smokehouses, at least four miscellaneous storerooms, a spice locker, and finally the freezer. That last is located inside the Wall itself - the room is as long as Winterfell’s great hall, according to Jon, but no wider than the tunnels that brought them there. Even in the most mundane use of the great working of magic that is the Wall, there’s something not exactly natural about the place.

He could feel his fingers sticking, and when he pulled them back he lost a bit of skin. His fingertips were numb. What did you expect? There’s a mountain of ice above your head, more tons than even Bowen Marsh could count. Even so, the room felt colder than it should. 

Like magic. Icy, icy magic.

It doesn’t take long to learn that Jon is very much a summer child.

“It is worse than I feared, my lord,” Marsh announced when he was done. He sounded gloomier than Dolorous Edd. 

Jon had just been thinking that all the meat in the world surrounded them. You know nothing, Jon Snow. “How so? This seems a deal of food to me.” 

Not only is Jon not old enough to have much experience with this sort of stocktaking in general, the only winter he’s lived through was a short one when he was still a very young boy. Short rations are not a thing he’s overly familiar with to start with; short rations for years is even more alien. This is why the you know nothing is there - Jon is reminding himself that his perspective is narrow and he’s speaking to someone who knows more than he does. You know nothing, Jon Snow, and certainly not how much people eat.

The food situation Bowen Marsh outlines is a dire one. With current and projected residents at Winterfell, all that food porn will only last them a year. After that, it’s turnips and pease porridge. After that, horse blood. Marsh had expected this to be enough to last the Watch three to four years of winter, never once anticipating the sudden influx of people.

So what to do? Marsh is the expert, and he has a range of measures Jon could use. First, the Watch’s herds need to be butchered save for a few breeding pairs; while that means they’re going to have scurvy at the Wall, but scurvy is better than starving. Second, they need to go on winter rations effective immediately. Third, they should consider buying food from the south. Fourth, and preferably, Jon kicks all the extra mouths out.

This is where the politics comes in. The Watch simply does not have enough food. They cannot kick Stannis out:

“We cannot leave King Stannis and his men to starve, even if we wished to,” Jon said. “If need be, he could simply take all this at sword-point. We do not have the men to stop them.”

Jon refuses to let the Free Folk starve, because he’s a humanitarian and not in the sense that Dolorous Edd jokes about. Buying food poses a problem.

We could, thought Jon, if we had the gold, and someone willing to sell us food. Both of those were lacking. Our best hope may be the Eyrie. The Vale of Arryn was famously fertile and had gone untouched during the fighting. 

If only, Jon, if only. This from the guy who once wished for a dragon or three to help fight the Others.

Hunting to top up food storage is hypothetically possible.

“We can always hunt if need be,” Wick Whittlestick put in. “There’s still game in the woods.” 

“And wildlings, and darker things,” said Marsh. “I would not send out hunters, my lord. I would not.” 

No. You would close our gates forever and seal them up with stone and ice. 

And this is a massive split within the Watch itself. As Jon points out, it’s roughly fifty-fifty as to sealing the Wall off, and the individual orders within the Watch are factionalised. The builders and stewards are pro-sealing gates. The rangers are in favour of leaving the Wall relatively open, since the Watch doesn’t have the men to defend the whole Wall. This would seem to reflect the degree of knowledge the respective orders have of the Free Folk and conditions beyond the Wall; the rangers are familiar with the Free Folk, and are certain that if the gates are sealed off the Free Folk will either climb or go around, while the builders and stewards trust in the Wall itself, which they’ve spent years maintaining.

Jon, being Jon, noticed the professional split. His career has tended more towards the duties of a ranger and his sympathies are towards the rangers, despite being nominally a steward, and he too hews to the ranger/builder-steward split. His sympathy to the opposing position is minimal. Here we also see Jon refusing to adopt the winter rations measure that Marsh suggests, without giving his reasons for not doing so. The working relationship between Jon and Marsh is not in a good place, even now. It’s only going to get worse.

Ranging South

As soon as Jon’s done with that job, another appears in the form of Devan Seaworth, summoning Jon to a meeting with Stannis (requesting, that’s how Edd would put it, requesting). As the wrong-way rangers have reutrned, it’s time to make some more concrete plans. Politically, this is a busy chapter, as Jon tries to catch up on the internal machinations of Stannis’ camp, while simultaneously dealing with Stannis’ campaign and his own organisation’s problems. And Jon does not have Davos’ ACoK and ASoS chapters to help him out.

Let’s try and tackle this issue by issue.

First, Stannis’ camp. Jon has made himself familiar with them, and he’s taken note of their factionalism as well. The prominence and status of the queen’s men is obvious, given that they wear flaming hearts in addition to the Baratheon colours. Jon’s noted that there aren’t many king’s men around the king, something something back in ASoS.

Unfortunately, the queen’s men boast a few prominent, religiously bigoted, xenophobic assholes. 

Godry the Giantslayer guffawed. “I had forgotten that you northmen worship trees.” 

“What sort of god lets himself be pissed upon by dogs?” asked Farring’s crony Clayton Suggs. 

Ser Godry was amused by that as well. “What names these northmen have! Did this one bite the head off some whore?” 

Given that these guys are going to be stuck in a Northern setting for the foreseeable future…their intolerance and crude religious chauvinism already spell trouble. No you know nothing is getting through those skulls.

Second, there’s the situation Stannis is heading into. He’s trying to get the Northern lords on side and not doing spectacularly well. The first topic of conversation is Mors Umber, leader of half of House Umber, and the price Mors demands for his support of Stannis. While Jon argues with Godry, Stannis sits back and grinds his teeth, before unveiling his grand plan: while Ramsay’s turned away to open Moat Cailin, take the Dreadfort. 

It, uh, it’s a plan that needs some work. Concept’s good. It falls apart in practice. To take the Dreadfort, Stannis would have to cross potentially hostile Umber lands, where he knows nothing and the Umbers know just about everything. He won’t be able to make it to the Dreadfort before the castle’s warned in any case, thanks to ravens and beacon fires. That would turn the siege of the Dreadfort into a race, where if Stannis loses his retreat is cut off and he’s outnumbered five to one. Stannis is nevertheless resolved to this plan despite the risk, but not so resolved that he’s blind to its flaws. Nor is he unwilling to consider alternatives.

Finally, the issue of the Free Folk. We see that Stannis includes them in his meeting - not just “Rattleshirt,” but the Magnar of Thenn as well. Stannis quickly punts the issue of Rattleshirt to Jon (or so he perceives it), much to Jon’s irritation. Jon can make no use of Rattleshirt. He can neither keep him at Castle Black nor send him away.

Melisandre spoke softly in a strange tongue. The ruby at her throat throbbed slowly, and Jon saw that the smaller stone on Rattleshirt’s wrist was brightening and darkening as well. “So long as he wears the gem he is bound to me, blood and soul,” the red priestess said. “This man will serve you faithfully. The flames do not lie, Lord Snow.” 

Perhaps not, Jon thought, but you do. 

Not even real magic - perhaps especially even real magic - can induce Jon to think of Rattleshirt as anything but a dangerous liability.

As for the other VIP, Val the “wildling princess,” Jon gets to look after her as well. Nobody but him in this meeting seems to really grok that the Free Folk don’t consider her a princess.

Stannis initially plans to take the Free Folk who’ve crossed the Wall as part of his own forces. The men, anyway. Jon quickly realises that this is going to get these people killed uselessly, and argues to keep them. Eventually, he ends up trading knowledge of the hill clans in order to keep the Free Folk out of Stannis’ forces. His reasons are both practical - he can use the men on the Wall; the Free Folk really will piss off the Northern lords - and humanitarian.

It’s also worth noting that we see some of the best of Stannis here, who really has come a long way since the start of ACoK and not just in the sense he’s a few hundred miles north of where he started. He hears out Jon’s criticism in full, and when Jon’s plan turns out to be better than his own, he adopts it, recognising Jon’s superior knowledge of the North. When Jon tells him to suck it up and ask nicely for the mountain clans’ support, Stannis sucks it up.

“For three thousand men, I suppose I can endure some pipes and porridge,” the king said, though his tone begrudged even that. 

I mean, not gracefully or anything, but he does.

Take No Part

Underpinning all the exposition and planning in the meeting is Jon’s internal conflict. He wants to help Stannis. He wants Winterfell liberated from Bolton control. He wants the Starks restored to their seat. Now, he’s in a position where he might, he just might, be able to meaningfully contribute to such a state of affairs.

And all that stops him are his vows.

Since vows and honour matter to Jon, he doesn’t just say “screw it” and start aiding Stannis. He bends his oath first.

The Night’s Watch takes no part, Jon thought, but another voice within him said, Words are not swords. 

The first step is giving Stannis intel. First is a bio of Mors Umber, then details of marriage alliances, and an application of his knowledge of Crowfood’s personality.

“The Ryswells and Dustins are tied to House Bolton by marriage,” Jon informed him. “These others have lost their lords in the fighting. I do not know who leads them now. Crowfood is no lapdog, though.”

We readers might consider this sort of thing fairly innocuous, but this isn’t a society where accurate biographical information is all that easy to come by. There aren’t many people on the scene who would have that sort of knowledge of Mors Umber. This sort of knowledge is very much a benefit of Jon being raised at Winterfell and enjoying a good chunk of Robb’s education. Knowledge of the people in power is an asset in this society. Here we see Jon use it.

But Jon does not stop there. Instead, he moves from giving background detail that Stannis might, just might, be able to get from elsewhere, and turns to giving advice. That, that is a positive contribution to Stannis’ campaign, from Jon.

“Your Grace should have him swear an oath before his heart tree.” 

“Your Grace would do well to accept his terms.” 

“If it comes to swords, see where Hother’s banner flies and put Mors on the other end of the line.” 

He also actively pursues additional information about the status of Stannis’ plans to retake Winterfell. It’s a purely academic interest, we’re sure.

In case there was much doubt that Jon is motivated at least in part by his Northern loyalties, he gets drawn into an argument with Godry.

“A fine plan if what you want is every hand in the north raised against you. Half is more than none. The Umbers have no love for the Boltons. If Whoresbane has joined the Bastard, it can only be because the Lannisters hold the Greatjon captive.” 

“The Greatjon has sons and daughters both. In the north the children of a man’s body still come before his uncles, ser.” 

Jon speaks as a Northman in this argument, deeply irritated by this arrogant shit of a southerner who’s come up here boasting about killing giants and now proposes to flat up destroy a major Northern house. He’s also still obviously bitter about the Karstark thing back in ASoS.

“A northman.” Better a Karstark than a Bolton or a Greyjoy, Jon told himself, but the thought gave him little solace. “The Karstarks abandoned my brother amongst his enemies.” 

This marks him as more than just a Northerner, but a Stark partisan. When Stannis starts talking about who he plans to install as Lord of Winterfell, obviously goading Jon, Jon has only this to say:

Jon said, “Winterfell belongs to my sister Sansa.” 

He’s as adamant as any Northerner, any Stark, that Winterfell belongs to the Starks in general, and now Sansa in particular. His sister. Not half-sister, not trueborn sister. No qualifiers. Just his sister. He loves her, just as he loves Robb and Arya and Bran and Rickon. That’s part of his political problem and the bulk of his internal dilemma.

Jon gives even more specific advice and analysis, meant to give Stannis a better chance of success.

“The boy has shown me his throat. I mean to rip it out. Roose Bolton may regain the north, but when he does he will find that his castle, herds, and harvest all belong to me. If I take the Dreadfort unawares—” 

“You won’t,” Jon blurted. 

This is incredibly significant, as we discover later that the Boltons were doing their best to lure Stannis into marching on the Dreadfort and into a trap. Jon’s still not done. He reluctantly allows Stannis to take spears and helms from the Watch armoury:

He means to plunder our armory, Jon realized. Food and clothing, land and castles, now weapons. He draws me in deeper every day. Words might not be swords, but swords were swords. 

Then he tells Stannis where to find more men. It comes with advice on how to win the mountain clans over, plus guides. He justifies it like so:

The Night’s Watch takes no part, a voice said, but another replied, Stannis fights for the realm, the ironmen for thralls and plunder. 

This isn’t a bad argument. Stannis does intend to aid the Watch in a way that the Boltons and the Greyjoys aren’t going to. The Watch would be better served if Stannis took control of Winterfell. Jon never articulates this position to his subordinates. Perhaps for fear that it wouldn’t be very convincing, given his background, and the fact that good arguments aside, those personal reasons for wanting the Boltons out of Winterfell do motivate him as much or more than “for the realm.”

Here’s the point, though. Words are not swords, but Jon’s words in this meeting were more effective than swords. Jon’s words about the terrain and political geography of the North, his knowledge of the Dreadfort, it convinces Stannis to abandon the plan that would have ended with his defeat. How can this level of advice possibly count as “taking no part”?

For all this, there is one bright clear line that Jon draws. One line he won’t cross, or bend.

“You could bring the north to me. Your father’s bannermen would rally to the son of Eddard Stark. Even Lord Too-Fat-to-Sit-a-Horse. White Harbor would give me a ready source of supply and a secure base to which I could retreat at need. It is not too late to amend your folly, Snow. Take a knee and swear that bastard sword to me, and rise as Jon Stark, Lord of Winterfell and Warden of the North.” 

How many times will he make me say it? “My sword is sworn to the Night’s Watch.” 

Night’s Watch vows and love of his family coincide on this point. Jon won’t break his oath to the Watch, and especially not to take the castle and title he sees as belonging to his sister.

Chapter Function

In terms of plot, this chapter is largely dispositive, inching a whole bunch of plot points along rather than radically changing the game on the spot (except in providing that massive “what if,” but even that’s slid in at a meeting). We don’t have a PoV on Stannis; this chapter bridges the gap between him leaving the Wall and him showing up at Deepwood Motte. We know who’s going where and who isn’t - Melisandre, Val, and “Rattleshirt” are all staying at the Wall. Arnolf Karstark’s betrayal is seeded. The coming food shortage is seeded.

The more important part of this chapter is Jon’s character development, which is why we’re at the planning session for a campaign rather than following the campaign itself. Jon’s working relationships with Bowen Marsh and Stannis, especially the latter, are the real focus of this chapter. His interactions with them, the concessions he is and is not willing to make, is the real action here. In parallel to Dany, whichever way Jon turns, he must compromise.

Miscellany

In amongst all the food you’d expect to find in a cold climate (turnips, beets, etc), the Watch also has stores of certain spices, almonds, figs, and olives. Plus Marsh mentions at one point having limes in storage. Those are coming from further south than the Riverlands.

Mance Rayder loves his drama. In Rattleshirt’s guise, he can’t help but poke at Jon for killing ‘Mance,’ nor help drawing attention to the ruby that anchors the glamour Melisandre’s put on him.

“Your Grace will need to go to them yourself. Eat their bread and salt, drink their ale, listen to their pipers, praise the beauty of their daughters and the courage of their sons, and you’ll have their swords.”

Never have I wanted a Stannis PoV more. Or at least a PoV that could watch Stannis trying to do this.

Clothing Porn

The Magnar of Thenn wears a leather hauberk sewn with bronze scales, which by Free Folk standards is incredibly blinged out.

Food Porn

Let’s just blockquote the paragraph.

In the granaries were oats and wheat and barley, and barrels of coarse ground flour. In the root cellars strings of onions and garlic dangled from the rafters, and bags of carrots, parsnips, radishes, and white and yellow turnips filled the shelves. One storeroom held wheels of cheese so large it took two men to move them. In the next, casks of salt beef, salt pork, salt mutton, and salt cod were stacked ten feet high. Three hundred hams and three thousand long black sausages hung from ceiling beams below the smokehouse. In the spice locker they found peppercorns, cloves, and cinnamon, mustard seeds, coriander, sage and clary sage and parsley, blocks of salt. Elsewhere were casks of apples and pears, dried peas, dried figs, bags of walnuts, bags of chestnuts, bags of almonds, planks of dry smoked salmon, clay jars packed with olives in oil and sealed with wax. One storeroom offered potted hare, haunch of deer in honey, pickled cabbage, pickled beets, pickled onions, pickled eggs, and pickled herring. 

And that’s before we get to the meat storage, which is way less appetising in frozen form. It’s not quite food porn - more like pantry porn, I think.

Next Three Chapters

Cersei II, AFFC - Jaime II, ASoS - Prologue, ASoS

[fertilityroad1]

Hold The Advice: What You Should And Shouldn’t Say To Someone Living Through Fertility Struggles

Living with fertility struggles can be incredibly difficult. It’s an emotional rollercoaster and can cause people to feel sad, angry, frustrated, or anything in between. There is some support available for couples dealing with fertility struggles, but often that support can be hard to get. Workplaces often don’t offer much support, and counselling can be hard to access. If a loved one is struggling with their fertility and you want to be better support for them, here are some of the best things to say, and what you should never say. 

Friends and family of couples dealing with infertility, and medical professionals can always learn more about how to be kind and supportive. It can be easy to get it wrong in tough emotional situations. Whether you look into tips for effective communication for nurses, or just want to learn what will actually be helpful to say to your friend, you can try some of these tips. 

What To Say

Let them know that you care. The best thing that you can do for your friends who are struggling to get pregnant is to let them know that you care. Fertility struggles can be isolating and sad, and knowing someone is thinking of you can make more difference than you might think.

Do some research. Do some reading about infertility so you have a better understanding of what your friends are going through. If you know they’re considering a particular kind of treatment, it can help to read up about it so you are informed about it if they need to talk and don’t need to ask them lots of questions that might be upsetting to answer. 

Be interested. Some people don’t want to discuss their infertility, but some people really do want to talk. Let your friend know that you are available if they do want to talk to you about what they’re going through. 

Ask them what they need. Don’t assume you know what kind of support your friend wants. They might want to talk about it, or they might want to be distracted from their worries. Ask them what they need and what would be most helpful, whether that’s a shoulder to cry on, or someone to pick them up from an upsetting doctor’s appointment to save them from having to drive.

Provide extra outreach to your male friends. Infertility doesn’t only affect women, but the conversation around it often centres on them. Your male friends dealing with these struggles may be suffering in silence. Don’t push them to talk, but remind them that you’re for them for whatever they need. 

Encourage therapy. If you feel that your friend would benefit from talking to a professional to learn to handle their grief and frustration, and you think they would be open to the suggestion, you could gently suggest they try therapy. If you go to therapy regularly yourself, or have been to therapy and found it helpful, you can offer your own story to encourage them.

Support their decision to stop treatment. No couple can continue to endure infertility treatments forever. These treatments are expensive and often distressing. At some point, many couples will decide to stop seeking treatment. This is always an incredibly painful decision to make. Offer your support, never your judgement. 

Remember them on Mother’s and Father’s Day. These days can be painful for those struggling to start a family of their own, and but in all the business of the days, a lot of people forget about those who can’t become parents. Remember your infertile friends on these days and let them know you’re thinking of them. They’ll appreciate the care. 

Attend difficult appointments with them. You can offer to come into the appointment with them, or offer to wait in the car park or the waiting room so they don’t have to drive themselves home when they’re upset, and don’t have to go in alone if they don’t want to. The offer lets them know that you are committed to supporting them the best you can.

Watch their older kids. If they already have children, offer to babysit, so they can attend their appointments without having to worry about what to do with their older children. 

Offer to be an exercise buddy. Losing weight is common advice for those struggling to get pregnant. If you know that they’re trying to lose weight, offer to be their gym buddy to keep them motivated and on track.

Let them know about your pregnancy. A lot of people worry about how to share pregnancy news with a friend struggling to get pregnant themselves. Deliver the news as gently as you can, and in private. Email can work well, as they can react however they need where nobody can see them. 

What Not To Say

Don’t tell them to relax. Comments like ‘you just need to relax,’ aren’t helpful, and can make people feel even more stressed. Infertile couples often already feel as though they are doing something wrong. In fact, it’s more likely that a physical problem is what is preventing them from getting pregnant. 

Don’t minimize the problem. Struggling to conceive is a very emotionally painful experience. Well-meaning comments intended to cheer them up can actually be really hurtful. There’s no real comfort in being told to enjoy being able to sleep late, not clean up baby sick, or have more alone time with their partner when all you want is a family. 

Don’t say there are worse things that could happen. You don’t get to say what the worst thing that could happen to someone is. People react to life in different ways, and while you think there are worse things, the pain of infertility can feel like the end of the world to some couples. 

Don’t say that they aren’t meant to be parents. One of the very cruellest things that people feel the need to say to people struggling to get pregnant is that maybe they just weren’t meant to become parents and that it wasn’t in God’s plan for them. This is very hurtful. Infertility is a medical condition that happens for all kinds of reasons. It’s not a punishment from nature or God, and it’s not a sign from the universe that parenthood is not for them. 

Don’t ask why they are not trying IVF. The decision to treat infertility is a very personal one. Most insurance plans don’t cover IVF, and it’s available on the NHS in Britain, so many people are just not able to afford it. Never ask why someone is choosing or not choosing a particular treatment. These are tough decisions to make. 

Don’t push adoption or other options. A lot of infertile couples get asked why they don’t just adopt. This is another very personal choice to make, and they will have thought about it without your prompting. The couple can only make that choice for themselves and will have a lot of work to do before they can consider adoption or other ways t have children. 

Don’t say that they’re young and have plenty of time to get pregnant. Know the facts before you make comments like this. In fact, it is recommended that women under the age of 35 see a fertility specialist if they have unable to conceive after a year of trying. Being young does increase your chances of fertility treatment being successful, but there are no guarantees. 

Don’t gossip about your friend’s condition. For many people, their infertility and the treatments they seek are a very private matter. Respect their privacy and don’t discuss their problems with other people. 

Don’t be crude. When they don’t know what to say, some people fall back on crude jokes. Don’t do this. Making jokes about donating your own sperm to the cause, or making sure the doctor uses the right sperm for the insemination is not funny. It’s just rude, unpleasant, and upsetting. 

Don’t complain about your pregnancy. For a lot of people living with infertility, it can be very hard to be around women who have managed to get pregnant. Seeing someone else pregnant is a constant reminder of what they’re missing and can’t have for themselves. If you’re pregnant, you can make it easier on infertile friends by not complaining about being pregnant.

Don’t question their sadness about being unable to have a second. Having successfully had one child doesn’t mean that a couple feels as though their family is complete. A couple may have had their first child naturally and with no problems, but are now having issues with infertility when trying for a second. Infertility can happen after already having a child, and is no less upsetting. 

Don’t ask whose fault it is. Just because someone has told you they’re dealing with infertility, this doesn’t mean they will feel comfortable talking about the details. 

Don’t assume the infertility is the woman. A lot of people assume the problem is usually the women. In fact, a third of the time, the reason is unexplained, and another third is the male partner.

source https://fertilityroad.com/living-through-fertility-struggles/

[news-mashable-yahoopartner-blog]

Teen YouTubers who faked a pregnancy apologize — and offer bad sex ed advice

Two teenage YouTubers were the subject of concern this week after they announced they were expecting a baby and had gotten "married" in Las Vegas. After dragging their followers through a four-part, monetized series, they revealed that it was just a "prank" and issued a very YouTuber non-apology for coming off as insensitive.  

Danielle Cohn, who goes by Dani, is 15 years old. Her boyfriend and fellow influencer, Mikey Tua, is 16. After dropping cryptic hints throughout the weekend, Mikey posted a hidden camera video of the couple telling their families that Dani was pregnant. 

They raised eyebrows when the two posted a later video of their "wedding" in Las Vegas — which Dani's mother clarified in a statement to BuzzFeed as only the two making a "promise" since Dani is too young to be legally married, even with parental consent. In the third installment, they visited a questionable doctor's office for an "ultrasound" to find out the sex of the hypothetical baby and listen to Mikey's father lecture them on responsibilities. 

But as their most recent and final part of the series reveals, it was all a predictable, inconsiderate prank. 

The two teenagers recorded themselves gathering friends and family for a gender reveal party. After releasing pink party streamers and popping a balloon full of pink confetti, Dani and Mikey interrupted the celebrations to read a note that had fallen out of the balloon. 

"You've been pranked!" they read from the note. 

"I'm not actually pregnant, OK?" Dani told the party attendees. 

SEE ALSO: A 15-year-old influencer says she's married and pregnant, but is it just for clicks?

It's bad, but it gets worse. In another segment of the video, Dani and Mikey tell their viewers that they "didn't mean to offend anyone."

"If you got offended, or if you looked at it in a wrong way," Dani starts, gearing up for a classic YouTuber non-apology. "That's definitely not what we were trying to do. We were just trying to make a fun video ... We've always seen pranks on YouTube, we thought it would be fun to prank you guys." 

She then explains that they "didn't think it was going to go as far as it did," which seems naive considering she has 3.5 million Instagram subscribers and Mikey has 608,000. 

Mikey tried to spin it as a public service announcement, taking direction straight out of Logan Paul's playbook after the disgraced YouTuber faced backlash for filming a victim of suicide for content. Like the way Logan dropped a last minute PSA intending to "raise awareness for suicide and suicide prevention," Mikey noted that "teen pregnancy is extremely serious" and told followers, "it's something that no one should take lightly." 

If faced with a possible teen pregnancy scare, he and Dani suggested talking to parents — Planned Parenthood recommends "an adult you trust" — and then rambled about various birth control methods without once using the words "birth control."

"There's a lot of situations you can get in off of doing those kinds of things without protection," Dani says, vaguely referring to sexually transmitted infections. She also alludes to fertility tracking and "rhythm" apps, which OB-GYNs are extremely cautious of because there's so much room for mistakes. 

While it is admirable that Dani and Mikey remind their young followers to use protection when engaging in sexual activity, even telling their audience that you don't need to be an adult to buy condoms at convenience stores, both teenagers come off as uneducated themselves. They're hardly in a position to educate others on sexual health. 

"It is not a joke," Dani says in what appears to be a last minute third segment. "I'm sorry if this offended you ... I hope you guys still love us the same you did before." 

She also dropped that a portion of the video's profits would be donated to Planned Parenthood. 

Dani's followers were not amused by the "joke" and expressed their distaste in her comments. 

“You’ve been PrAnkEd guys” Girl, the reality of how fucked up this is really gonna hit u hard if, God forbid, you struggle with infertility one day. 😔

— ʎppɐᗡ (@calmarrow) April 18, 2019

I would do anything to be pregnant as would many women out there who are struggling with serious issues. Whether it’s infertility, miscarriages, still births - so many awful situations and you’re joking about it! You should be ashamed, as should the adults around you. Grow up. 😤

— Emma (@Emmamburke0408) April 18, 2019

and honestly i regret doing it. i hope you become more mature with age, because honestly, you aren't mature at all. this is embarrassing to see.

— mary (@qirI_qroups) April 18, 2019

I don't know why would you joke like this this isn't Even funny girl some people can't have fuckin kids I had 2 miscarriages and I have pcos Whitch is really hard to get pregnant so I don't know what was your plan but it was really Fucked up

— Tiffany (@YaTiff123) April 18, 2019

This is so rude and disrespectful to those who cannot have children. Pranks are fun and okay, just not with serious situations like this. Pregnancy isn’t a joke.

— Ashtonnn (@asxtonnn) April 18, 2019

As many disappointed commenters noted, faking pregnancies or miscarriages is deeply inconsiderate to those struggling with fertility. And joking about teen pregnancy, especially when your audience skews younger, is completely misguided.

But that criticism appears to have gone over Dani and Mikey's head, because she concluded the fake gender reveal video with some classic sponsored content from an energy drink company. 

WATCH: Blackpink sets new YouTube record with 'Kill This Love'

[creativityworks-s8]

I’m Sick and God Damn Tired

So today we went to the Mandela Exhibition which once again lit the over zealous and intense feeling of hatred i have for people of the past and people of now, I have zero tolerance after going to the exhibit and who knows how long it will take for me to get back to only semi militant when it comes to issues of race when it comes to America, South Africa or just maybe THE GOD DAMNED WORLD SINCE NO ONE ANYWHERE LIKES BLACK PEOPLE not even black people like black people due to European standards of beauty and fertilization of black skin but that’s not the point of today’s badly punctuated and rage filled rant is brought to you By RACE POLITICS REGRESSION DUDE TO ONE ORANGE PACKING PEANUT AND IT’S (YES IT I DON’T CONSIDER THE FOOL A PERSON) MYRIAD OF EQUALLY MORALLY BANKRUPT FOLLOWERS, Who have been forcing progression of civil rights to regress after countless of decent human being worked so hard to progress the march forward so people can be equal. Why do i care about something that’s happening in another country and not about My own? It’s because Brexit is the must confusing cluster of nonsense and misleading facts that it’s easier to focus on something outside of the UK so i have more of a disconnect to the problems (Which clearly hasn’t worked out for me but i’m too far down this rabbit hole to stop (Blame the patriot act for bringing this to my attention it’s a Great Netflix comedy show you should check out). Now why am i saying that the current cabinet of the US is regressing over 50 years of civil rights? Well lets put this into Different intervals We’re going to focus on 4 major parts of government in America (or maybe just one cause it’s late at night and honestly i’m tired).

US Housing Department  

The Department of Education

The Department of Health & Human services

The Department of Justice

We aren’t going to do it in that exact order but lets go to the hell which is The American government VIA The worst part of America the Legal system which targets minorities and honestly back in 2016 in Oklahoma the court rule that oral rape isn’t rape cause she wasn’t conscious due to drink but we can talk about how the world is just the worst for women all the later we’re going to talk about how Jeff Sessions (first attorney general) is a racist now put in power of the entire of all the laws in the USA even thought he was reject from being a federal court judge due to Claims of his racism back in 1986 now he was forced to resign back in 2018 he made some big moves to screw over people before he did leave office like him refusing to enforce voting rights all through his term even thought in section 2 of the voting rights state (this is word by word BTW) “No voting qualification or prerequisite to voting, or standing,  practice and procedure shall be imposed or applied by any State or political sub division to deny or abridge the right of any citizen of the United States to vote on account of race or color.” (If you want to read it here’s the link https://www.justice.gov/crt/section-2-voting-rights-act ). The Voting Rights Act of 1965, was signed into law by President Lyndon B. Johnson, aimed to overcome legal barriers at the state and local levels that prevented people of color (especially Black people) from being able to us their right to vote as stated under the 15th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution, Which if you don’t have any idea was the basis behind the march at Selma which was held by Martin Luther king and Malcolm X (Civil rights Legends that died for change like this law in the US). Now it’s not all voting cause we all know that’s a bit boring lets talk about Police brutality in the USA and how the Obama administration tried to fix that problem with police reform but guess what happened under sessions the wrinkly old bastard they took a hands off approach, He said He’s reviewing the binding agreements called consent decrees the agency uses to force police in Ferguson, Baltimore and else where to reform their practices, Which is needed because of the systemic problems with the police all around the world but most definitely in the U.S but the moment he stepped into office he asked for a review on all these cases that the D.O.J had entered into with all the police departments all over the U.S and as He was leaving he made it harder to enforce consent decrees by adding three new requirements to any future consent decrees. By not doing anything thee trump administration has undermined Civil rights in the worst possible way in than it has ever been in the last 2 decades because not enforcing civil rights is the same as not having them cause if you don’t enforce rules what’s the point in having them and this is why i was so angry at the Mandela exhibit because it reminded me that we worked so hard and got so far and at this point we’ve become distracted to many problems that affect civil rights and minorities all over the world and i feel like I’m failing people like Rosa who sat so Martin could walk just so i could run but here i am joking around cause i would rather not face the rage built into my soul cause as James Baldwin said “To be black and conscious in America is to be in a constant state of rage.” but I’m not in America I’m in UK and it still applies here. Don’t misunderstand I’ll still smile and laugh and joke but the burden has been given to me and now i must try to break it down further just so the younger generation won’t have to be Sick and Goddamned Tired.

By Great Okosun

[dearyallfrommatt]

See the man with the stage fright, just standing up there to give it all his might.

 I don’t know who needs to hear this or if it will do any good, but I don’t have access to marijuana or any hallucinogens and I don’t want to start drinking again, but if y’all ain’t going to act right, y’all need to leave me the hell alone. We got people seriously defending the CIA and worried about communism in 2020, people defending a president’s “purge list of enemies” as a good and normal thing, and an entire party facing that sort of lunacy dedicated to shooting its own dick off if their Precious doesn’t get the nomination (or if some others’ Precious they disapprove of gets it).

 No, seriously, that’s really stupid and these are stupid times. The Dumb have won, and wrestling reality back from them might just be too much for this poor, old world. I’m not sure it’s even worth it, and even people joking about Life on Earth being wiped out by an asteroid are getting tedious. Mainly because you know they don’t mean it.

 I realize this sounds contradictory, considering I’ve pounded out going on three paragraphs doing just this (and will probably write more), but I am tired of the pissing and whining. It’s not going to stop, though. Bernie Sanders gets elected and isn’t able to pull down the whole structure of capitalism in the first week, his biggest fans will be calling for his head. Trump supporters being ground into mulch to fertilize rich peoples’ rose gardens will leap at the chance, screaming “MAGA” all the way down with a smile. You know I’m right. We are months away from them defending him having sex with underage girls provided for him be Jeffery Epstein. And if Bloomberg gets the nod and then has the dime that’s hanging like the Sword of Damocles dropped on him, plenty of “reasonable centrists and liberals” will do just the same thing.

 I’m tired, depressed, grumpy, cynical and melancholy, and to be quite frank, the anti-depressants ain’t making the nut. Part of it is my window of the outside world, Twitter, is full of guys who complain that protagonists from girls’ cartoons from the ‘80s aren’t busty enough, and this is considered serious pop culture criticism instead of evidence the guy needs to be locked away from decent society. My other option is engaging with my fellow humans here in rural Northeast Mississippi, and I doubt they want to hear it either.

 I like writing, I really do, but I’m beginning to think if I ever had a shot at making anything worthwhile out of this, I let it slide away 15 years ago when I decided I was too burned out to keep doing it. I wonder if the return of that small taste of the sublime I get from cranking out a clever(?) turn of phrase is somehow proportional to the relative lack of being completely stoned every possible waking hour. I was the type of head that wouldn’t leave the house to go buy a loaf of bread without first taking a serious lung punch of the noble weed.

 That’s probably too much. I had heavy stoners telling I was smoking entire too much weed, but on a realistic level, nothing much has changed with regards to the cognitive process. I’m still spending way too much time thinking about Jungian synchronicity or the philosophical implications of the Multiple-Worlds Theory. The colors are less bright, is all, and the jokes are less funny. Not that I’ve done much gut-laughing over the past several years, full of smoke or running straight.

 People would say, “Matt, you stop smoking all that pot, you’d have more vim and zest for living.” But here I am, making a concerted effort to not sleep all day, only wanting to get up to hydrate myself and use the bathroom, spurned on by all the goddamn medication I’m taking. None of which, by the way, can I abuse for screwing my brain up, which is probably a good thing. “Matt, you want to travel,” says my therapist. No, I don’t. I just let you think that because I really don’t have a good comeback to you and I’m too tired to come up with one. I don’t want to leave my room.

 Middle age is a drag, y’all. I understand what Pete Townsend was talking about and why he feels righteously embarrassed whenever someone brings it up. I’m supposed to be either married, kids optional, or some definition of “success” which I couldn’t suss out if you held a gun to my head. Instead, I’m just hoping my heart gives out before my teeth do.

 But I like writing, I really do. This has been very cathartic even if no one ever reads it, and nobody ever reads what I write. I get these likes on WordPress and hits on Blogger, but I’m convinced it’s like when someone with a high follower count starts following boring, slightly crude old me on Twitter. It’s a never-ending source of amazement to watch people discuss coming up with fictional stories, so many they can churn out self-described “basic generic plot” genre stories to self publish books on Amazon. I can never get past adding more plot to get in the way of the story.

 So, I write out this navel-gazing nonsense no one cares about or in-depth explorations of Doug Sahm albums from the ‘80s no one cares about or, indeed, patiently crafted explanations of why and how the Democratic nomination process does it this thing that no one cares about. It’s fun for me and amuses me, so there it is. I recall watching an old Perry Mason episode that took place at a “Camp Crystal Lake,” and realizing the only person who wanted to see a Perry Mason/Friday The 13th crossover was me, and mainly because I wanted to see Paul Drake’s smug ass gutted like a catfish. But for that afternoon, anyway, I desperately wanted to see it. And that is weird, I’m not going to lie.

 Another thing I find a nonstop source of wonder is YouTube people who’ve done five-plus years of regular episodes on crappy movies or Top 5 Examples of Other People’s Ideas. A lot of it is no doubt my own self-consciousness and body image issues, but goddamn, haven’t enough people explained why Phantasm is an awesome movie? Then again, I never have been able to wrap my head around the “Let’s Play” phenomenon. It reminds me of watching amateur porn except more depressing, and frankly, I wouldn’t want to watch someone unattractive as me fuck someone who’d be willing to have sex with me, and I’ll let you fill in those blanks.

 I had at least two more paragraphs here that apparently got ate when I tried to post the Terrence McKenna video. Just a bit of entertainment and elucidation for chewing through this mess. I guess it’s time to wrap this up and get on with my night. It’s pushing the Witching Hour and even though I don’t have anything on my calendar for the next couple of weeks, pulling all nighters isn’t as much fun as it used to be. More often than not, it’s pretty goddamn painful and takes me a couple day to get over.

 But this has been cathartic, and that’s a good thing, I suppose. I mean, I’m still gloomy and irritable, but the winds aren’t howling as loud as they were beforehand. I’ve completely lost whatever thread I had tentatively wrapped together to bring this all home. I had something for this, I swear. In the end, I suppose it doesn’t matter so long as I enjoyed myself. And I did, even if no one else reads it or, frankly, if they do read it and don’t enjoy it.

 Serves you right.

[gotoocollectorheart-blog]

10 Things You Should Not Say to a Friend Experiencing Infertility

A recent survey from the nonprofit organization HealthyWomen found that about half of those surveyed had friends or family members who had experienced fertility problems. That's not surprising, since between 10 to 14 percent of couples will experience fertility problems at some point. If your friend or family member is struggling with infertility, she needs your support and understanding now more than ever. Unfortunately, too many people get uncomfortable around this issue and say or do the wrong thing. That's why we've provided this roadmap:

10 Things You Should Not Say to a Friend Experiencing Infertility

Pregnant yet? If your friend is pregnant, she'll tell you when she's ready. Don't keep asking her how it's going. Let her tell you in her own time. It could be worse. To a couple who wants children, it really can't be worse. Haven't you done enough? It is up to your friend to determine when enough is enough. Focus on the other parts of your life. This is really tough for a woman with infertility problems to do. For some women, her desire for a child becomes her life. Think of all the fun things you can do if you don't have children. If the couple didn't want children, they would not be going to the trouble they are to have them. How much is this costing you? This is none of your business! Are you sure you chose the best doctor? Don't question your friend's medical choice unless she asks your opinion. Just relax. Infertility is a medical condition, not a psychological one. You can always adopt. The couple already knows this. They are going through the expense and trouble of infertility treatments because that is the path they have chosen. At some point they may consider adoption, but not now. When my friend couldn't get pregnant... Your friend doesn't need to hear what worked for other people. Her efforts to conceive are hers alone. Support for Fertility Challenges Expert Reviewer: Sari Eckler Cooper, LCSW Would you like me to go to your appointment with you? If a partner is not available or your friend is becoming a single mother by choice, having a friend to accompany her to appointments can be welcome support. May I take you out to dinner? How about if we just sit here and you tell me how you feel? If your friend isn't comfortable talking to you, since you haven't experienced infertility, offer to help her find a support group for women who are having similar experiences. No, I don't mind hearing about how hard this is! Remind her that she's always been there for you, and that you will be there for her. That's what friends are for. It is not your fault! It is no one's fault. Sometimes these things just happen. You will make a wonderful mother. You look so beautiful! (This is particularly important since many women begin to loathe their bodies during infertility treatment, viewing it as dysfunctional or inadequate. Some women gain weight from the treatments.) I want you to come to my baby shower but I totally understand if it's too much for you. While some women find it too painful to be around young children and pregnant women, others are hurt if they're left out. I'd like to come over tomorrow and clean the house and make you dinner. Infertility treatments can be exhausting, physically and emotionally. Your friend will appreciate the help. I think you are amazing. I admire your commitment.

Sharing Your Infertility

At some point, you should share your infertility with the people who care about you. If you don't, your friends and family may assume you're childless by choice, leading to some hurtful comments and uncomfortable situations. Keeping it secret also enhances the stigma and shame some couples feel. You also may subject yourself to continually being asked when you're going to get pregnant and to jokes about your sex life. Studies find that couples who seek support from their social networks tend to cope better with their infertility than couples who hide it. Plus, if your family and friends know about your fertility issues, they will be more understanding when you beg off occasions that involve children. When sharing: Keep the details to a minimum. Your mother doesn't need to know how often you have sex. Warn them that the hormonal treatments can lead to major mood swings. Ask for their support when you need a ride to doctor appointments or help managing your life during exhausting tests and treatments. Tell them what you don't want to hear (see "10 Things You Should Not Say to Your Infertile Friend"). Give them information about infertility. The Web sites of the American Society for Reproductive Medicine (www.asrm.org) and RESOLVE (www.resolve.org) provide excellent information. Explain that you may not be able to attend baby showers, christenings, children's birthday parties and other such events for a while. Consider setting up a blog or Web site your friends can visit for information so you aren't barraged by questions. Read the full article

[comical-thoughts-blog]

Royals #2 Review

Outside of IvX, the last experience I had with the Inhumans was Charles Soule’s first arc of Uncanny Inhumans, the one with Kang. It initially had me because it started to tie in the Inhumans to the wider MU, but after that arc I lost interest.  After Marvel’s botched attempt at trying to make the Inhumans happen (i.e. make them the new X-Men), I decided to give this book a go, mainly because Al Ewing is a pretty great writer, and he knows the Marvel Universe almost as well as I do.

It looked like the Inhumans were poised to fill the role of the X-Men. They didn’t. The X-Men have had a solid presence since the 60s, they connect and resonate with readers in ways the Inhumans can only dream of.  While the X-Men are born with their uncanny abilities, the Inhumans undergo a transformation, a terrigenesis – an option which is no longer on the table.  All in all, we’re left with a bunch of poor man’s X-Men, that no longer have the source of their transformation. So, what do Marvel do with the Inhumans? The same thing they do to everything else that causes them problems, shoot them into space.

After the Inhumans cast started to expand to include stellar new characters such as the fire guy, and ISO-8, (‘Nuhumans’), it was decided this book would focus on the former Royal family and their aides.    Familiar faces Medusa, Crystal, Blackbolt and some of the newer kids on the block head into space, they’re heading to the Kree home world to discover more about their past.

While the X-Men have their own milieu, the Inhumans are replete with their very own mythos; they undergo a transformation called Terrigenesis in order to receive their special powers, they have a caste system (which seems largely forgotten), and they originally came about when aliens decided to experiment on early human ancestors.  That’s a lot of ground to dig, some which might provide the fertile soil needed for the Inhuman world to grow, but there’s also a good chance that a lot of it could end up just being dirt.

If you’re familiar with Ewing’s stuff (and if you’re not, I suggest you get friendly with it), you’ll notice there aren’t as many jokes as with a title like New Avengers. This is a good thing – jokes, whether they’re puns, sight gags, or nods and winks to the fans, only work when they fit organically. You can spot a shoehorned joke a 6 month solicit away.

As we’re only 2 issues in, most of the work here is the boring prep work required; it’s the washing the skirting boards and applying the masking tape stuff. We know why they’re going into space, we also learn Medusa’s hair is falling out, which can only mean one thing, she’s dying! (I would have thought being a little stressed might have done that, but hey, it’s melodrama). There’s just enough action with an incoming Chitauri armada to keep whole thing from being a 20 page conversation on a space ship.

I’m going to avoid the ‘taking up art duties’ phrasing that seems to crop up in 11/10 reviews, I’m avoiding it because it’s a) overused, and b) because it seems a little derisive. There’s never ‘writing duties’, and while to those of us who can’t draw stick figures or straight lines with rulers, it may seem like a duty or chore, it’s clearly a passion for Jonboy Meyers and Thony Silas. The line work reminds of Joe Mad (Joe Madureira), which is no bad thing – the colours by Ryan Kinnaird and Jim Charlampidis are clean, bright and vibrant, if anything, they put me in mind of the Guardians of the Galaxy 2 trailer.

All in all, we’ve got 2 issues of Inhumans in space, with the potential to explore and expand their mythos, all the while dealing with a dying queen, (how) long live(s) the queen, and the fact that at the end of the second issue it’s revealed that [Spoiler!].

If you’re a fan of the Inhumans, you’ll enjoy this book, if you’re not, there might be enough to get you interested, but it’s still a pretty slow start. If the book continues at this pace, it’ll be a no from me.

[gotoocollectorheart-blog]

10 Things You Should Not Say to a Friend Experiencing Infertility

A recent survey from the nonprofit organization HealthyWomen found that about half of those surveyed had friends or family members who had experienced fertility problems. That's not surprising, since between 10 to 14 percent of couples will experience fertility problems at some point. If your friend or family member is struggling with infertility, she needs your support and understanding now more than ever. Unfortunately, too many people get uncomfortable around this issue and say or do the wrong thing. That's why we've provided this roadmap:

10 Things You Should Not Say to a Friend Experiencing Infertility

Pregnant yet? If your friend is pregnant, she'll tell you when she's ready. Don't keep asking her how it's going. Let her tell you in her own time. It could be worse. To a couple who wants children, it really can't be worse. Haven't you done enough? It is up to your friend to determine when enough is enough. Focus on the other parts of your life. This is really tough for a woman with infertility problems to do. For some women, her desire for a child becomes her life. Think of all the fun things you can do if you don't have children. If the couple didn't want children, they would not be going to the trouble they are to have them. How much is this costing you? This is none of your business! Are you sure you chose the best doctor? Don't question your friend's medical choice unless she asks your opinion. Just relax. Infertility is a medical condition, not a psychological one. You can always adopt. The couple already knows this. They are going through the expense and trouble of infertility treatments because that is the path they have chosen. At some point they may consider adoption, but not now. When my friend couldn't get pregnant... Your friend doesn't need to hear what worked for other people. Her efforts to conceive are hers alone. Support for Fertility Challenges Expert Reviewer: Sari Eckler Cooper, LCSW Would you like me to go to your appointment with you? If a partner is not available or your friend is becoming a single mother by choice, having a friend to accompany her to appointments can be welcome support. May I take you out to dinner? How about if we just sit here and you tell me how you feel? If your friend isn't comfortable talking to you, since you haven't experienced infertility, offer to help her find a support group for women who are having similar experiences. No, I don't mind hearing about how hard this is! Remind her that she's always been there for you, and that you will be there for her. That's what friends are for. It is not your fault! It is no one's fault. Sometimes these things just happen. You will make a wonderful mother. You look so beautiful! (This is particularly important since many women begin to loathe their bodies during infertility treatment, viewing it as dysfunctional or inadequate. Some women gain weight from the treatments.) I want you to come to my baby shower but I totally understand if it's too much for you. While some women find it too painful to be around young children and pregnant women, others are hurt if they're left out. I'd like to come over tomorrow and clean the house and make you dinner. Infertility treatments can be exhausting, physically and emotionally. Your friend will appreciate the help. I think you are amazing. I admire your commitment.

Sharing Your Infertility

At some point, you should share your infertility with the people who care about you. If you don't, your friends and family may assume you're childless by choice, leading to some hurtful comments and uncomfortable situations. Keeping it secret also enhances the stigma and shame some couples feel. You also may subject yourself to continually being asked when you're going to get pregnant and to jokes about your sex life. Studies find that couples who seek support from their social networks tend to cope better with their infertility than couples who hide it. Plus, if your family and friends know about your fertility issues, they will be more understanding when you beg off occasions that involve children. When sharing: Keep the details to a minimum. Your mother doesn't need to know how often you have sex. Warn them that the hormonal treatments can lead to major mood swings. Ask for their support when you need a ride to doctor appointments or help managing your life during exhausting tests and treatments. Tell them what you don't want to hear (see "10 Things You Should Not Say to Your Infertile Friend"). Give them information about infertility. The Web sites of the American Society for Reproductive Medicine (www.asrm.org) and RESOLVE (www.resolve.org) provide excellent information. Explain that you may not be able to attend baby showers, christenings, children's birthday parties and other such events for a while. Consider setting up a blog or Web site your friends can visit for information so you aren't barraged by questions. Read the full article