#just because they get sad 100 cats a year or whatever were humanely put down in shelters

[songofsaraneth]

i am FUCKING pissed about the feral cat situation yet again

[milkacchan]

Request for anon: Fav boys with an S/O that's usually a hardass but has a moment of just 'oh my god that's so fucking cute' that they start crying??

Bakugou:

• Listen, you weren't totally against showing emotion but you really only showed two

• Frustration and 'happiness'

• Aka you laughed a lot but had no problem blowing up on someone

• No one had ever seen you outside of those two moods

• Half the class just assumed you never got sad or anything

• The other half assumed you never really had a reason too but maybe one day you'd snap

• Crying? You? Off the table.

• You're not capable of it

• They'd seen you detach yourself from things without a second thought

• CRAZY how you and Bakugou actually WORKED together in a relationship

• To be honest Bakugou doesnt even know if he's seen you cry

• He figures he'll see it eventually

• And he's right :)

• Bc one day you two are walking ahead if the bakusquad

• And theres this fucking puppy

• And it's so small

• Its a lil weiner dog

• And an audible rasp is ripped out of your throat followed by a small 'oh my god'

• His head fuckin WHIPS around• And he's met with you tearing up as you stare at this small dog and his mouth d r o p a

• This??? This is what it takes for you to cry????

• You put a hand over your mouth, mumbling something else and Bakugou is having a stroke

• You're like full crying now

• There are t e a r s

• He moves a little closer, wrapping and arm around your shoulder

• "Are you seriously crying over a dog right now?"

No words. You just nod.

• He accepts it

• No questions asked

• Bakusquad is what you call

• V fuckin confused

• "I want a puppy," you mumbled, breathing uneven.

"I know,"

"Katsu he was so tiny,"

"I know,"

• Cue more crying

Izuku:

• Hard ass 100%

• emotionally constipated on the Bakugou level

• emotion what's that??

• Idk

• Neither do you apparently

• You were just chilling most of the time

• Just- looking really blank

• never really felt comfortable with showing a lot of emotion

• People could use that against you

• call you week-

• You didn't want that

• you were dating the new symbol of peace, you had to keep up

• This happens during a rescue

• You get people out and once you're standing on the sidelines, the fight over- this little boy runs up to you, hugging your legs

• Thank your's are falling out of his mouth and he looks teary eye'd

• He puts his hands up and makes grabby hands and you immediately pick him up

• You kiss his forehead, your hold on the child tightening

• I mean at this point you're crying too

• Bc he was so damn cute

• Even with all the dirt on his face

• And Izuku is just standing there

• baffled

• bc you

• the person who was literally STABBED four times and kept a straight face the whole time about a year ago

• is crying over a child saying thank you

• He takes care of the press- and whatever else he needs to before slowly making his way over to you, pressing a kiss to your cheek.

• The boy was still in your arms

• "You okay princess?"

"Fine, thanks,"

• New image for the press!!

• You went from known for no emotion to Oh my god they have emotion????

• ur v upset about it

Hitoshi:

• He know you cant express emotions exactly how you want

• you'd told him it always felt weird and uncomfortable

• Especially letting other people see it

• Deadass took him 3 months after the initial four you guys were dating to pry that out of you

• He's never really minded though

• he just wants you to feel comfortable and be okay

• So he's always gone along with the casually mean laugh a lot vibe you've had

• But one day

• one faithful day

• you two are walking after an icecream date

• And you see these 2 little kittens in a beat up box

• you GASP and your hand immediately leaves his as you jog over

• And you coo at them, picking them up, one in each hand

• He's behind you when the water works start

• "Toshi...they're so cute-" you sniff

"Are you crying?"

"No- Yeah, just look at them. They're so tiny, they're gonna die out here alone,"

"Oh my god babe,"

"Toshi we have to take them back."

"I don't know if we can do that, we can take them to a shelter-"

• you're full on sobbing now, a blubbering and hiccuping mess

• he feels like he's gonna pass out

• what's he supposed to do

• you chose now to start crying??

• "No-No because they might end up on the street again and they need love, toshiiiii-" you whine out

• So he hugs you from behind, using one hand to pet the cat in your left hand. "Okay, we'll take them back. We can talk to Aizawa sensei."

• he presses a gentle kiss to your neck

• You def apologize later for crying in front if him, almost refusing to look him in the eye

• He flicks you and tells you to do it more often

Sero:

• hardass?? Yes and no

• You vibe

• you just chill and go with the punches

• but GOD do you refuse affection and basic human emotion.

• It took him 3 MONTHS to convince you to go out with him

• That he wasn't going to hurt you or judge you

• 3 MONTHS

• And what felt like fucking forever for you to accept his advances for affection

• He's so patient with you, you'll never find another man like this

• pls keep him forever

• Anyway now yall just vibe together

• But he's never seen you upset tbh

• And he's never seen you cry

• You push all that down, constantly just staying in a place of whatever

• He's a little concerned about it ngl

• but he doesn't know how to really help it

• Has deadass secretly been reading books about it

• Anyway

• One day y'all are chilling

• You're in his room

• he's at his desk- looking over an essay that was due the next day and you were in his hammock, already having finished it

• But he was bopping

• he had an earbud in one ear and he was mumbling along with the song, bopping his head and moving around in his chair, randomly bursting out a lyric here and there

• And then he heard a sniffle

• He immediately turns around and he see's you

• Your eyes are watery

• he pulls his earbud out and he's making his way over to you, clearly worried

• "Babe what's wrong?"

You shake your head, waving him off.

"No no, c'mon tell me-"

"You're just so damn cute and I love you so much. Precious."

• He's confused for a moment before it processes and he grins

"Is that why you're crying?"

"Yes!" You wipe your eyes again. "Thank you,"

He climbs into the hammock carefully, and wraps his arms around you.

• Not particularly what he had in mind when you finally decided to show emotion like that but he'd take it

Kirishima:

• puppy and cat

• aka

• Bubbly jock and hard ass motherfucker who can and will kill you

• He knows that you cant freely express what you feel all the time

• He understands more than most people think

• Because he knows it's easier to just be bitter than risk getting hurt again

• and you've opened up a lot!!

• and he's proud of you! Really.

• He tells you all the time and you gag and call him a sap but he knows that you secretly enjoy it

• Anyway you two are eating lunch outside

• Kirishima is babbling about something that happened after class the other day and you were eating quietly listening to your boyfriends ramblings

• And suddenly he feels a finger on his lips

• He opens his eyes confused, going to talk again before you sush him

• You're looking at a bird

• a REALLY small bird

• you take a small piece of bread from his sandwhich

• "Hi baby," you coo, "how you doin? Want some food?" You slowly hold the piece out

• The birds head tilts a little and he takes a hop

• then another

• and he watches you tense up

• and the bird takes the bread piece and flies away, he watches it go before looking back at you

• he about has a stroke

• you're fucking crying

• "Babe- wait- why are you crying?" He puts a hand on your shoulder

"What the fuck, that was so cute. Eij, he was so cute."

"Well yeah-"

"Jesus he was so tiny," you sniff, "did you see the way he tilted his head- oh my god and his little hop? No fuck off I'm gonna cry more,"

• And you do

• But honestly he doesn't even care bc you're finally letting something else in

• and it means you're comfortable around him

• so he only wraps his arms around your waist and pull you closer

• "he was very cute,"

[alovesongshewrote]

For the requests, can you do Douxie x reader where the reader gets a job at the bookshop and conveniently forgets their sweater at work so Douxie has to lend them his hoodie 🥺👉🏻👈🏻

Sweater | Hisirdoux Casperan x Reader

Plot:  haha, sweater go brrrrrrrrr

Word Count: 1,946

Warnings:  Folding chairs and spiders

A/N:   Idk what this is, but i hope you enjoy it

Tag List: @furblrwurblr

You had always wanted to work at a bookstore.

Ever since you were an angsty twelve-year-old who only found solace in books, it had been your dream to work amongst the written word.  Too bad Chapters had shitty hours.

That didn’t matter now, though.  GDT Arcane Books had excellent hours, a positive work environment, and the nicest couches to ever exist.  They also had a painting of Guillermo del Toro.  You weren’t sure why, but you loved it anyway.  There was only one thing about the small bookstore that you loved more than the Del Toro painting, which is saying a lot, that painting was amazing.

Your coworker, Hisirdoux Casperan, was very quickly becoming your favourite human being in the entire world.  He was sweet, selfless, and he cared about other people.  He made you laugh more than anyone else, and he was there for you when you were stressed or anxious.  Also, he had a cat.  I don’t even need to tell you that cats are amazing.

The bookstore was the perfect place, and it only got better as the seasons changed.  Fall in Arcadia was beautiful, fall in Arcadia in a bookstore was even better.  GDT began to feel like a second home to you, so much, in fact, that you developed the habit of leaving things at work.  It wasn’t your fault, things like this happen sometimes, and that’s okay.  As long as you don’t forget anything too important, you should survive.

And then you forgot something important.  

It wasn’t anything major like your wallet, but it was necessary to keep you warm in the cool weather, especially at night.

And it was night.  And it was cold.  And your favourite sweater was still in the bookstore.  And you hadn’t realized until Douxie had locked the doors and you’d both gone your separate ways.

In short, you were a little bit screwed.

You wrapped your arms around yourself, shivering slightly.  This was fine.  Totally fine.  As fine as a dog drinking coffee in a burning room.  The wind blew, shaking the branches on the trees and raising goosebumps on your skin.  Lovely.

You braced yourself against the breeze, trudging forward, determined to make it home and have a hot cup of tea.  

And then you heard a trash can fall over.  Extra lovely.

The last thing you wanted was to deal with a Goblin or Shadow Mephit or something.  You walked faster.  There was another, louder crash behind you.  You sped up again.  You were not dealing with this tonight.

There was more noise from behind you, the universe clearly disregarding your wishes for a calm night.  At this point, you were running.  There was a limit to how much crap you could put up with, and it was a limit you were fast approaching.  

Then Douxie flew into your side, bringing both of you to the ground.

“Douxie!?”

“(Y/N)!?”  

Whatever had thrown Douxie at you roared from the alley.  You couldn’t see it, but you could tell that it wasn’t anything good.

“You have to run,”  your coworker said, getting to his feet and offering you a hand up.

“What?  No, I’m not leaving you-”

“I’ll be okay, (Y/N), but you need to get out of here!”

Even if you wanted to, you didn’t have time to get out of there.  What appeared to be a large stone spider emerged from the space between buildings.  How this thing didn’t wake up the whole neighbourhood, you had no idea, and you couldn’t stop to think of one because the arachnid was now attacking.  Douxie stood in front of you, shielding you with his body, and some kind of blue forcefield.  

“(Y/N), GO!”

You ran, but you didn’t go home.  Instead, you searched for something to fight with.  

Monsters and magic were not a new concept to you, not when you lived in Arcadia.  You’d gone through whatever the hell that troll-thing was, an alien attack, and several other crap-tastic world-ending events.  This was just one monster, and you had Douxie, who was apparently a wizard on your side.  This was not the problem you were expecting or even a problem you wanted, but it was one you could handle.

It took a minute of searching, but eventually, you found the perfect weapon.  Someone had left a folding chair outside.  It may not be an enchanted sword, or a serrator, or a gun, but folding chairs had done wonders for you during the troll-hell, and you figured it would work for you now.

You grabbed the chair and rejoined the fray.

Douxie was not pleased to see this.  He really liked you.  You were sweet, snarky and charming, and he really liked all of your quirks.  He enjoyed your company and wanted to spend more time with you.  He knew you were a strong person, and that you could take care of yourself, but he was really hoping that you wouldn’t have to deal with this.  He knew it would kill him if anything bad happened to you.

But you lived in Arcadia, where bad things always happened, and you knew how to deal with this.

“EAT CHAIR, PUNK!”  you yelled, bringing the chair down on whatever part of the spider you could reach.  This didn’t make the spider happy, but you were able to avoid any and all attacks while repeatedly bashing the thing with your folding chair.

The wizard was at a loss for words.  

While he wanted you to run home, he knew there was a high chance that you would stay, and a higher chance that you would stay and try to help him.  The chair, however, had not been a part of these calculations, so all he could do was stare and watch as you kicked this thing’s ass.  No one could blame him, it was very impressive and very attractive.

And kick-ass you did.  You dodged attacks and landed hits, your folding chair proving to be as useful as ever.  Eventually, you managed to wedge your weapon between the pincers of the arachnid, distracting it momentarily.

“Douxie!  Now!”

Douxie snapped from his haze at the sound of your voice.  He sent a wave of magic at the thing before opening the gate to limbo underneath it.  You and Douxie were left staring at the ground where the thing had fallen through.

“Nice one,”

“Thanks,”  the situation set in for both of you.

“Hey, wait a minute, what was that?”

“Oh, fuzzbuckets, are you okay?”

The two of you hesitated for a moment, held at a stalemate.  You wanted answers, he wanted to know if you were alright.

You took this time to take in details you hadn’t noticed while beating up the stone spider.  Douxie had some kind of band or cuff on his wrist.  You had never seen that before despite working with him for a few months now.  It was new.  And it was pretty cool if you were telling the truth.

While you examined the cuff from where you stood, Douxie noticed that you were unharmed, but shivering slightly.  You didn’t have your sweater on.

“Aren’t you cold?”

The question knocked you out of your thoughts, but fortunately, you were focused enough to answer, “Oh, uh, yeah, I forgot my sweater back at the bookstore,”

“Oh,”

Without another word, Douxie took off his hoodie, walked over to you and wrapped it around your shoulders.

“There you go, that should warm you up,”

You gingerly grabbed the edges of the hoodie, wrapping it tightly around your shaking frame.  He was right, it did warm you up, but as your eyes ran over the tattoos on Douxie’s shoulders, you thought of a few more ways he could help you achieve that goal.

“Thank you,”

“Of course, love,”

The wind blew by again.  It wasn’t so bad this time.

Then you realized how late it was.

“Oh, god, I should be getting home, I-”

“Let me walk you,”

“Are you sure?”

“(Y/N), I know you can defend yourself,”  he cast a cautious glance towards the discarded folding chair, “But it would make me feel a lot better to know you got home safe,”

Your cheeks warmed at the sentiment.  It was nice to be cared about.

“Ok.  Come on, I’m this way,”

The walk started off in silence.

Douxie’s hoodie was soft.  His tattoos were really nice.  It was still kinda cold, but Douxie showed no signs of feeling the temperature.  

But it was too quiet.  You needed to talk about this.

“Hey, Doux?  You mind telling me what that thing was?”

The wizard sucked in a deep breath, “To be honest, I don’t know yet.  I’m still figuring that one out,”

“Huh,”  you supposed that was a valid answer, “Let me know when you do,”

Douxie smiled for a moment.  He told you that you’d be the first to know.  Then his face fell.  He almost looked scared, but there was nothing around you to be scared of.  You were a bit confused, but your attention stayed on Douxie.

“(Y/N), until this is all sorted out, could you avoid going out after dark?  I don’t want you getting hurt,”

That was a bit of an understatement.  If you got hurt at all, it would kill him.  If you got hurt by something he could have protected you from, it would destroy him.

“I’ll do my best, but you know I get off from work late,”

“Then I’ll walk you home,”

“I’d like that,”

You were a bit surprised by how determined he was to keep you safe.  It was really nice to have someone watching out for you for a change.  It made you feel warm on the inside.  

After that, the conversation turned to normal things.  Music, books, anything other than stone monsters with no name.  Douxie did ask where you learned to wield a folding chair, but some things are best left to the imagination.

You were actually sad when your house came into view, something you never thought possible.  You’d been enjoying your time with Douxie so much, you didn’t want it to end.  Unfortunately, you did not control the universe.

“Well, this is me,” you took off the hoodie, which was also a sad event.  You held it out for Douxie to take, “Here-”

“Hang onto it,” the wizard said, taking your hands under the hoodie for a moment, “At least until you get your sweater back,”

You both pulled away, blushing, 100%.

“Thank you,”

“It’s no problem, really,”

There was another moment of silence.  You both had so much to say, but no idea how to say it.  

“Well, I’ll see you tomorrow,”

“Tomorrow,”

Douxie watched as you opened the door to your home, and stepped through the door.  A surge of energy ran through him.  He had to say something, anything, or he would regret it.

“(Y/N)?”

You spun around to face him faster than either of you thought possible, “Yes?”

Douxie paused.  He didn’t think he’d get that far, to be honest.  But you were watching him with anticipation, waiting for him to speak.

“Just… stay safe, okay?”  it wasn’t exactly what he wanted to say, but it was close enough.

“I will if you do,”

The smile on your face was the best thing he’d seen all day.

He was so distracted by the curve of your lips that he didn’t even notice that you had moved to stand in front of him.

“Thanks again, Douxie,”  and with that, you left a small kiss on his cheek and entered your apartment, leaving Douxie a blushing mess on your doorstep.

“Douxie?  Are you alright?”

“I’m much better than alright, Arch,”

[whitehotharlots]

CRT and the sad state of educational politics

If our culture is studied 100 years from now, the predominant theme of the research will be a sense of perplexed revulsion toward how we did nothing to address the climate crisis in spite of having decades of forewarning. If there is a second theme, it will be a profound confusion regarding our immense and unearned sense of self-certainty. A retrospective of the early twenty first century would be titled something like Who the Fuck Did These People Think They Were? 

The latter theme is illustrated in the debacle surrounding a recent slew of municipal and statewide bills that seek to ban the teaching of Critical Race Theory (CRT) in public schools. For the record, I am strongly against these bans. But I’m also self-aware enough to know my opinion matters very little, and therefore realize that an analysis of the discussion surrounding the bills will yield much more worthwhile observations than a simple delimitation of their pros and cons. Regardless of your personal opinion, I hope you’ll humor me.

I am, in some regards, a moral absolutist. But I also realize that abstract morality has very little bearing on material and political realities. In my ideal world, classrooms are free from political meddling. Teachers teach to the best of their ability, presenting students with truths that are confidently unvarnished due to the thorough amount of work that was required to reach them. I don’t cotton any of that socratic bullshit. Students are there to learn, not to engage in weird Gotchas with some perverted elder. The teacher’s job is to teach. The material they teach needs to be subjected to some graspable and standardized mechanism of truth adjudication before it is worthy of being taught. Teaching is not therapy. Teaching is not poetry. Teaching is not love, nor is it religion, nor is it a means of social or political indoctrination. There are plenty of other avenues available to accomplish all of those other things. Teaching is teaching. 

That’s the ideal. But ideals are just ideals. They never come true. The art of teaching, regardless of setting--from overpacked classrooms to face-to-face instruction to curricular design to nationwide pedagogical initiatives--boils down to a teacher’s ability to reconcile the need to convey truths with social and political pressures that are heavily invested in the suppression of truth. 

I have formally studied and practiced education for nearly two decades. In that time, the prevailing political thrust toward education has been a desire to casualize the practice of teaching, to render educators as cheap and fungible as iphones. The thrust takes different shapes depending on the political affiliation of whomever happens to be in charge of the state and federal governments that fund education, but the ultimate desire is always the same. The goal is always to attempt to make teaching rote and algorithmic, something akin to running a google search for How to do math? or What is morality?. The framing is always just windowdressing, empty culture war bullshit. 

Maybe it’s the inescapability of this thrust that’s rendered so many educators so blind to it? We only have nominal political choice, after all. The discourse gets more blinkered and vicious as the stakes decrease. At any rate, this is the undeniable reality, and anyone who doesn’t see that isn’t worth listening to. 

Non-administrative per-pupil spending as been on a steady decline since George W. Bush was president. Administrative bloat and meddling are becoming as common in k-12 as they are in higher education. The will of parasitic NGOs are implemented as common sense pedagogy without anyone even bothering to ask for any proof that they work. The so-called Education Reform movement is sputtering out due both to its manifest failures and rare, bipartisan backlash. But it will be replaced with something just as idiotic and pernicious. The thrust of causalization will not abate. 

And so what do we decide to do? What’s the next big thing on the education policy horizon? Critical Race Theory. 

Okay, this makes sense. In 2021, a local paper can’t run a news story about a lost cat without explicitly mentioning the race of every human involved and possibly also nodding toward the implied cisnormativity of pet ownership. So it makes sense that this broad rhetorical mandate would come to dominate the transitional period between Bush-Obama Education Reform and whatever bleak future awaits us. The controversy is so perfectly inefficacious that its adoption was inevitable. Because, seriously, it doesn’t matter. Regardless of the outcome of this kerfuffle, no problems will be solved. The real shortcomings of public education will not be addressed. Larger social problems that are typically blamed on public education in spite of having little to do with public education will especially not be addressed. Maybe white kids will have to do struggle sessions in lieu of the Pledge of Allegiance. Maybe black kids will get full credit for drawing the Slayer logo in the part of the test where their geometric proof is supposed to go. Or maybe it won’t happen. Maybe instead these practices will be banned, and in turn liberals will begin to embrace homeschooling, the charter movement will be given new life as a refuge against the terrors of white supremacist behaviors such as, uhh, teaching kids to show their work. Whatever.

Within the context of public education, the outcome will not matter. It cannot matter. There will be broader social impacts, sure. It will continue to drive Democrats more rightward, providing their party’s newly woke corporate wing with progressive-sounding rationales for austerity. But so far as teachers and students are concerned, it won’t matter.

Why do I give a shit about this, then? To put it bluntly, I’m struck by the utter fucking inartfulness of CRT’s proponents. At no point has any advocate of CRT presented a case for their approach to education that was at all concerned with persuading people who aren’t already 100% in their camp. There’s been no demonstration of positive impacts, or even an explanation of how the impacts could hypothetically be positive. In fact, so much as asking for such a rationale is considered proof of racism. Advocates posit an image of existing educational policies that is absolutely fantastical, suggesting that kids never learn about slavery or racism or civil rights. But then... then they don’t even stick with the kayfabe. They’ll say “kids never learn about racism.” In response, people--mostly well-meaning--say “wait, umm, I’m pretty sure they do learn about racism.” The response is “we never said they don’t learn about racism.” You’ll see this shift from one paragraph to the next. It’s insane. Absolutely insane. 

Or take this talk from a pro-CRT workshop in Oregon. The speaker freely admits that proto-CRT leanings like anti-bias education, multiculturalism, and centering race in historical discussions have been the norm since the late 1980s. The speaker admits that these practices have been commonplace for 30+ years, as anyone my age or younger will attest. Then, seconds later, the speaker discusses the results of this shift: it failed. Unequivocally:

We had this huge, huge, huge focus on culturally relevant teaching and research. [ ... ] So you would think that with 40+ years of research and really focusing and a lot of lip service and a lot of policies and, you know, a lot of rhetoric about cultural relevancy and about equity and about anti-bias that we would see trends that are significantly different, [but] that’s not what we’re finding. What we’re finding that you see [is] that some cases, particularly black and brown [students] the results, the academic achievement has either stayed the same and gotten worse.

Translation: here’s this approach to teaching. It’s new and vital but also we’ve been doing it for 40 years. It doesn’t work. But we need to keep doing it. Anyone who is in any way confused by this is a dangerous racist. 

Even in the darkest days of the Bush-era culture war, I never saw such a complete and open disregard for honesty. This isn’t to say that Bush-era conservatives weren’t shit-eating liars. They were. But they had enough savvy to realize that self-righteousness alone is not an effective way of doing politics. You need to at least pretend to be engaging with issues in good faith. 

This is what happens when a movement has its head so far up its own ass that it cannot comprehend the notion of good-faith criticism. These people do not believe that there can exist anyone who shares their basic goals but has concerns that their methods might not work. Their self-certainty is so absolute and unshakeable that they can proffer data demonstrating the complete ineffectiveness of their methods as proof of the necessity of their methods.

For decades, the most effective inoculation against pernicious meddling in education has been to lean upon the ideal form of teaching I described earlier in this post. We claimed that teaching is apolitical and that no one is trying to indoctrinate anybody. Regardless of the abstract impossibility of this claim, it has immense and lasting appeal, and it was upheld by a system of pedagogical standards that allowed teachers to evoke a sense of neutrality. The prevailing thrust in liberal education is to explicitly reject any such notions, and no one--not a single goddamn person--has proffered a convincing replacement for it. We still say, laughably, that we’re eschewing indoctrination. But people aren’t that stupid. If you find it beneath yourself to make your lies digestible, people will be able to tell when you’re lying to them. 

This, my friends, bodes very poorly for the future of education, regardless of whatever happens in the coming months. A movement that cannot articulate its own worth is not one that is long for this world. Teachers themselves are the only force that can resit the slow press toward the eventual elimination of public education, and they have embraced a worldview and comportment style that renders them absolutely unable to mount any worthwhile resistance. 

[princess-of-the-corner]

So I’m doing this 100% for fun but like

Remember I mentioned a dream I had after reading to many of those salty “AU where Marinette’s sort of adopted and her bio parent(s) is rich/famous/powerful” of an mlp crossover where Mari’s bio moms are Twilight and Rarity from mlp? Yeah let’s expand on that a little!

Also, while this is kinda salty and has salty origins, this ends up being pretty sugary because that’s the nature of mlp stuff. 

So like there’s some interdimensional fuckery.

A little over 10 years prior to Canon the Equestria and the ML world kinda connected.

Twilight Sparkle, as Princess of Friendship, was sent as an ambassador to the new dimension.

Of course Earth sent someone to Equestria but whatever they’re not important.

Also involved is Twilights wife, Rarity, and lil baby Marinette pony.

Side note: while in Equestria they’re ponies, but interdimensional travel turns them Human in the ML world. Kinda like EQG but they have normal human skin tones.

Anyway! Mari is a lil pink Unicorn, but in the Human world she looks Human. She ends up wearing a lot of pink clothes because she misses her pony coat.

Because of several things, like wanting Mari to have a normal childhood and also some political stuff that her moms want to protect her from, she ends up being taken care of by Tom and Sabine.

I’m gonna say that Twi and Rares met Tom and Sabine through Pinkie, who has a habit of getting low-key adopted by bakers, and had met them through wanting to learn about Earth cuisine (and T&S wanted to learn Equestria cuisine, so it was a win-win).

When Twi and Rares are thinking about this plan, T&S are trying for a kid and haven’t had much luck.

Mari lives with Tom and Sabine for the day-to-day, but Twilight and Rarity visit as often as they can, spending plenty of weekends with their daughter, even if it’s low-key to keep her safe.

As far as Mari is concerned, she has four parents. Twilight=Mom, Rarity=Mommy, Sabine=Maman, and Tom=Papa.

Other than visits with her moms and trips to Equestria, there’s only a couple differences to Mari’s childhood.

First is that she gets visits from other mlp characters too. They don’t cause too many issues because

1.) they know how to not blow her cover and

2.) the ones who would do it accidentally can be reined in.

By that I mean that if Discord starts to act up Mari just says “I’ll tell Auntie Fluttershy” and he nopes the fuck out.

Mari’s classmates think she just has a lot of aunts and uncles with weird names and haircolors, not connecting them to the Pony stuff.

The other thing is that Marinette is a little more confident and somehow even more forgiving. Like, this is shown best in her interaction with Chloé.

Marinette stands up to Chloé from day 1 and doesn’t take her shit. She protects others and shuts down any of her petty schemes. Etc.

But she also doesn’t write Chloé off entirely. Marinette constantly offers her friendship, because she’s grown up with stories about her various aunts and uncles who were like Chloé or far worse, and that they eventually reformed. When she sees Chloé try to change, Marinette welcomes her with open arms and works with her to help her be a better person.

Anyway one more thing for Mari’s childhood before Ladybug: her Cutie Mark!

Marinette’s special talent is her eye for detail. Mostly she uses this to be a designer just like mommy(Rares is so proud!!), but it helps her be an expert at planning and organizing like her mom(Twi is also very proud!!).

Her actual Cutie Mark is an image of a Ladybug threading a needle.

Onto the Canon Timeline!!

Okay! So! Origins happens and Marinette gets the Ladybug Miraculous.

Mari is paranoid that it was given to her because someone found out about her being a Unicorn Princess. So she interrogated the hell out of Tikki.

Tikki’s like “okay I didn’t know that. I knew you had powerful Magic and that explains it but no. You were chosen for general compatibility with it!”

Ladybug’s secret identity lasts until Twi and Rares visit because they’re like “honey why are your earrings a powerful magic artifact???”

“Our little girl is all grown up and using Magic jewelry to save the world! Just like her moms!!”

So the whole family knows. Tikki does say that it breaks the rules, but there’s not much that can be done because of the circumstances.

Mari’s parents all kinda debate on whether or not she should try and figure out Chat Noir’s identity.

Twilight and Sabine argue that they would feel better if they knew who the boy was so that they could trust him. Twi’s reasoning is more “while you trust him now, your teamwork will grow stronger as you learn more about each other!” while Sabine’s is more “I want to make sure he’s not some creep/entitled dudebro.”

Rarity and Tom are okay with the mystery. Tom because obviously whoever chose Chat Noir to be a hero saw the same things in him that they saw in Marinette when making her Ladybug, so of course he must be a good guy. Rares just loves the drama of the whole thing! Secret identities! Romance! Etc.

Tikki is the deciding vote on that, saying it’s supposed to be secret.

That also doesn’t last long. Because Mari tells Rares about the crush on Adrien. And naturally Rares has to meet the boy! And they notice his ring and yeah…

She tries to keep the secret but as much as she loves the drama, the fact that her daughter is actually sad thinking Adrien isn’t interested in her when he absolutely is just breaks her heart.

Whoops the lovesquare is solved real early! Like, ‘sometime in Season 1 early’.

Of course they bring Adrien into the whole ‘secret royal horse family’ thing.

Mari’s a little scared on that because species difference.

Like, in Equestria interspecies relationship isn’t an issue because it goes by the basic ‘Harkness Test’ rules. So her interest in Adrien is normal to her.

But some Humans get weirded out by the idea so she didn’t know how Adrien would react.

It throws him for a loop but he’s cool with it!

This also involves telling Gabriel about the horse girlfriend.

Lucky for him, he decided to leave the Butterfly Miraculous upstairs during dinner or else he would’ve been found out too.

Anyway, the whole ‘royal horse princess’ thing is definitely enough to make Marinette a good candidate for dating Adrien. So Gabriel is okay with the relationship.

It also helps that Gabriel and Rarity actually somehow get along. She’s used to stuck up rich people so she can play his games without getting frustrated, and she can discuss fashion with him!

They get into a long discussion about Equestria fashion vs. Earth fashion, and Mari is sitting there taking notes because her goal is to make a fashion line that incorporates both dimensions!

Gabriel is kinda low-key thinking about how they’d make powerful Akumas, but tbh… magic horses are things he doesn’t want to risk messing with. Yeah they’d be powerful, but if they go rogue or have issues with merging the different types of Magic… it could be a bad time.

That said, he does try to low-key find out if Twilight and Rarity know of any Magics that might help him save Emilie other than the Ladybug and Black Cat Miraculous. He doesn’t ask outright as he doesn’t want to tip his hand, but he feigns curiosity in some subjects.

They don’t tell Gabriel about the superhero thing because Adrien begs them not to, knowing that he’d try to stop him if he found out.

One more thing that changes is Mari and Adrien’s relationship with Master Fu as a mentor!

Because of Twilight’s experience with Celestia as her mentor, Marinette is encourage to question Fu’s decisions. 

They quickly realize that yeah, Fu’s not always right. In fact, he’s fucking up a lot. 

Fu and Twilight can get along as ‘protectors of Magical Artifacts that could either save the world or cause doomsday’. They debate about methods, and while Twilight agrees with Fu’s logic, she can also to get him to see the flaws in it. 

So. Outside of occasional pony stuff and various shenanigans involving the ‘aunts and uncles’, and the fact that Adrienette is canon, not much changes. I’ve written outlines for other AUs where Adrienette was Canon early on, so y’all can go dig those up. And I can’t think of specific instances where weird Pony stuff happens outside of like, Marinette’s birthday or something.

But this did start from a salty dream so we gotta get to Lila being a fuck.

Lila comes in and does her usual shit.

She lies about knowing Ladybug and various other celebrities. Of course.

She tries to flirt with Adrien. He turns her down as soon as he realizes because he’s in love with Mari. This gets Mari on her radar.

Between that, and Mari calling her out on her lies, Lila decides to try an ruin her.

So, Mari and Adrien’s responses to this are a little different than Canon.  

Marinette feels comfortable telling Adrien that Lila threatened her. So he’s not going to sit by and be quiet since he knows this is a threat, not just a girl lying for attention.

Despite the threats, both are too soft and sweet to write off Lila completely. Especially Mari, oddly enough. As I said. She grew up with stories about her aunts and uncles that changed for the better. So the two of them think that they might be able to be friends with Lila.

That said, they don’t put up with her shit. They call her out when she lies, and don’t tolerate her lying and manipulating people. It doesn’t usually work because Lila is good at thinking up more lies and turning it around, but they try.

The idea that Marinette hates Lila out of jealousy over Adrien is slightly more believable, because the classmates never saw Marinette be jealous before.

Chloé stopped ‘flirting’ with Adrien as soon as he and Mari got together because she respects Adrien as a friend. She makes it clear that they’re just friends and her flirting is mostly joking/possessiveness, and the relationship itself is the first thing that helps Chloé want to change so she can not lose Adrien over being mean to Mari.

Kagami was a little interested in Adrien, but shut it down as soon as she found out that he was dating Marinette, so she and Mari never got off on the wrong foot with jealousy, becoming friends rather quickly. (Mari might have tried to set her up with Luka after she rejected him but you know.)

Mari is usually nice to Adrien’s fangirls, barring any creepy actions.

So this is the first time the class is seeing her react to a ‘legitimate threat’ to the relationship.  

Now, while I like salt stuff, I don’t go full ‘the classmates durn into worse bullies than Chloé ever was because they’re convinced Mari is bullying Lila and believe Lila’s word like gospel’ thing.

I could go on a hell of a rant about how that’s a lot of victim blaming but that’s for another time.

Anyway, the classmates are still friendly with Marinette, but they are frustrated at her fighting with Lila. And Lila is lying, manipulating, orchestrating events to make it look like Mari attacked her, etc. It would take a decent amount of manipulation and gaslighting the class to get them to think Mari’s actually horrible, so this is a long-term plan.

One of the biggest things she does in the meantime, is try to isolate Marinette. If she sees someone talking to her, suddenly Lila needs their help with something! She tries to schedule hanging out with the class on days that Mari’s busy. Or just says she’s uncomfortable with Mari being at a hang out, so don’t invite her to this one(it works on smaller hangouts and ones where they’re at someone’s home, but big groups don’t work.). If she is forced to interact with Marinette directly, she starts a fight and blames Mari.

There’s a lot of tension. But Marinette learned from the Princess of Friendship herself. This can be mended, once they figure it out.

This all comes to a head when it comes time for the Class Trip.

The class gets permission to go out of the country, and Marinette suggests Equestria!

Her thought process is

1.) they can help mend things by learning about Equestria’s history and importance of Friendship.

2.) Despite the recent hiccups in their friendship, Marinette loves and trusts most of the class enough to tell them about the ‘I’m secretly a Pony Princess’ thing. And taking them to see Equestria is a good idea to help hammer it in and really wow them!

The school board is hesitant at first, because Equestria is technically another Dimension and all. But they tell her ‘if you send a letter to the Equestrian Government and they say yes, then okay’.

So Mari just calls up her mom and asks. Twilight is immediately planning the trip’s itinerary!

When Marinette announces it to the class, they’re all estatic.

Lila, of course, lies about stuff.

She claims that she went to Equestria before and when turned into a Pony by dimensional Magic stuff, she was totally an Alicorn!

Mari calls so much bullshit on that.

Because the only ways to be an Alicorn are either being born one, which means she’d have to be related to the Royal Family and that’s impossible, or Ascending, which is so goddamn rare.

Not to mention that even if a Human who crossed over became an Alicorn legitimately, that would’ve been major news.

Thankfully most of the stuff Lila lies about regarding culture/celebrities in Equestria/etc are either things Mari can spin as ‘actually that’s a misconception’ and redirect the class to real facts, or something that is coincidentally true, just fuckin buck wild.

When it comes time for the actual trip, Twilight and Rarity show up personally! Partly because they have to, as the link between Earth and Equestria, but also to see Mari and dote on her, glad to formally meet all her friends!!

The class begins to notice things when they are actually transported to Equestria.

First, they notice that Mari seems way too friendly with Twi and Rares. Like, yeah she’s a friendly person, but this is excessive.

They also notice that Marinette is a bit… too used to walking around as a Pony and using Magic, while everyone else is like ‘fuck how do hooves work???’.

There’s, like, a half second after they first go through the portal and are transformed where it seems like Lila wasn’t lying, as she looks like an Alicorn.

But then Twilight recognizes ‘Oh. You’re not an Alicorn. You’re a Changeling. I understand the disguise, as some Ponies are still a bit wary of Changelings, but you shouldn’t go around as an Alicorn as that will get you some unwanted attention and cause a lot of issues!’.

Everyone asks about that, and Twi happily explains that Changelings are shapeshifters!

So like, the excuse here is that Lila didn’t lie about going to Equestria before. She did once a few years ago with her mom. But she was a Changeling, not an Alicorn. She’d hoped that she’d be able to trick the classmates, and possibly even Twilight, but didn’t count on being called out so soon!

Unfortunately, everyone believes the reason Twilight accidently gave instead of the ‘Lila’s a dick’ thing. Mari’s frustrated because ‘damn it mom!’ but you know.

Side notes: What kind of Pony everyone is and their Cutie Marks!

Marinette: Pink Unicorn. Cutie Mark is a Ladybug threading a needle.

Adrien: pastel green Pegasus. Cutie Mark is a fencing saber with a neon green pawprint behind it.

Chloé: Black with white markings Crystal Pony. Cutie Mark is a golden crown, but with honeycomb shapes. (Basically imagine Diamond Tiara’s Cutie Mark, but gold and with hexagons instead of circles on the ends)

Alya: orange Unicorn, Cutie Mark is a Wifi signal with a foxtail

Nino: Deep green Earth Pony, Cutie Mark is headphones with a turtle shell

Juleka: Purpleish-black Unicorn, Cutie Mark is a mirror with claw marks behind it/

Rose: pink Earth Pony, Cutie Mark is a rose but the stem is real curly

Nathaniel: lavender Earth Pony, Cutie Mark is a tablet pen and a feather quill (Ya boi has so much trouble attempting to draw!!)

Alix: light blue Pegasus, Cutie Mark is a pocketwatch with wings

Mylene: tan Pegasus, Cutie Mark is a mouse-like theatre mask

Ivan: dark blue Earth Pony, Cutie Mark crossed drumsticks with a pair of ox horns above it.

Kim: red Pegasus, Cutie Mark is a star with a staff weapon in front of it.

Max: brown Unicorn, Cutie Mark is a computer screen in a horseshoe.

Sabrina: Turquoise  Earth Pony, Cutie Mark is a dark turquoise notebook with a purple diamond on it.

Lila: orange Changeling. No Cutie Mark. Uses a foxtail design when transformed to look like a regular pony.

So, as I said, the class is realizing that Marinette is a little too comfortable in Equestria. They eventually ask.

Marinette explains the whole ‘Okay, so didn’t tell you because I didn’t know to trust you guys, and then after I did trust you I wasn’t sure how to tell you but actually…’.

She goes over the whole ‘Twi and Rares are the bio moms, Tom and Sabine are her sort-of-adoptive parents but all four are parents to her’ thing.

Everyone’s like ‘Wait… you’re actually a Pony???’ then they’re like ‘HOLD HE FUCK UP YOU’RE A PRINCESS???’

Lila does kinda try and spin the whole ‘oh she didn’t tell you guys’ thing, but Twi and Rares explain the whole thing was about keeping Mari safe. And if certain people found out about her, it’d be bad.

Time for a little bit of the trip itinerary!

The first few days are spent in Ponyville, with the class staying in Twilight’s Castle.

I feel like I should mention that the last couple seasons of mlp aren’t canon to this timeline but whatever.

While they’re enjoying the sights and learning about Equestria, a chunk of the time is spent learning about how to be Ponies. How to walk on four legs and function with hooves, and how to use their various Magics. Nothing too wild. Just flight lessons for Pegasai, controlling strength for Earth Ponies, and basic spell casting for the Unicorns (along with control so they don’t blast something.).

Lila already knows how to use her Changeling spell stuff, unfortunately.

Marinette does discuss Lila with Twi and Rares.

They go into mom mode and are ready to throw down, but don’t.

Twilight asks them to just keep an eye on what Lila says, correct her if she lies, and maybe also ban her from shapeshifting?

Thankfully, Twilight is smart. She knows that banning Lila from shapeshifting altogether might end badly because there’s have to be questions of why. But she can subtly tag Lila with a specific ban.

Basically, Lila’s Magic will malfunction if she tries to shapeshift into Marinette, any of the classmates, or some of the more important Ponies. Lila won’t know about it unless she tries to do that specifically and finds she can’t.

Lila does, of course, try exactly that. She attempted to change into Marinette and be a jerk, but didn’t even get that far.

When she complains, Twilight just handles it by saying that it’s standard that Changelings nearby Royals and such have that ban.

Other highlights of the trip:

They hit some major cities in Equestria. Like the Crystal Empire, Manehattan(Which annoys Chloé a little because ‘I got to go to Manehattan before Manhattan fuck you mom!), Cloudsdale. And eventually, Canterlot!

Meeting various Royals is a trip in itself. I mean, this is Magic Pony Royalty!! But they’re also absolute dorks.

Adrien gets heckled by all of Marinette’s Aunts and Uncles and he’s a little terrified but loves her.

Diamon Tiara attempts to adopt Chloé somehow. Spike reminds her that Chloé does technically have parents back home, but Diamond’s like ‘no! she reminds me of me so much!!!’.

They get to see a Wonderbolts show in Cloudsdale, and a play on Bridleway.

As usual with me and ML fics, Chloé figures out that Mari and Adrien are LB and Chat. She had some strong suspicions before the trip, but after seeing the Cutie Marks of both them and other suspected Heroes, she’s like ‘you motherfuckers!!’.

Later on once they’ve gotten used to being Ponies, they get to go to the old Castle in the Everfree Forest, which is currently half archeological study, and half ‘training for all those bullshit Indiana Jones-like traps that Pony Archeologists have to deal with’. Which means it’s basically an obstacle course!

The final MANE event is an invitation to the Grand Galloping Gala!! With Rarity making all their outfits because she’s GENEROUS like that!!

Last plot point: Lila.

Of course Lila’s lies will be revealed somehow. But tbh…. Since this is a mlp crossover, I sort of want to try giving her some kinda redemption.

I think the best way to do that is to be able to feel the emotions. I mean, Changelings are empaths, basically. She can now physically feel what others feel about one another.

I mentioned in TMOLR that Lila’s lies are part of a cycle. She lies to make people love her, but they don’t love her, just the lies. So she continues the lie to keep the love.

With her empathy powers, she can feel that the love aimed at her is no different than the love they aim at each other. And at first, she brushes it off as her fooling them too well.

It’s actually only once the lies are exposed that she begins to realize that, despite the anger and betrayal her classmates feel, they still care. They still, on some basic level, love her.

She’s not going to be free of consequences, but she might be able to turn it around.

Legit though, I think a mlp crossover is the only time I can genuinely think of having a Lila Redemption because of the kind of bullshit the Ponies have done with redemptions.

[eyeslikefoxglove]

Episode 11 - The Yunmeng Sibs have shitty parents & *Screams in Doctor*

Hello hello! Long time no talk, who’d thought finishing med school wound not free my schedule up? Not me that’s for sure. Btw I have an iPad case (where I’m watching and writing) that can turn into a stand so the screen is upright. HOWEVER the lower flaps that hold the iPad in the case broke so it just keeps sliding down and giving me heart attacks, you’ll hear me screaming about it further down I’m sure. So enjoy my pain.

This farewell scene is fucking me up tho. Why do you want tears so early in the episode screenwriters? Why? (Also, MY STILL HAS NOT HAD TREATMENT FOR THAT STAB WOUND)

Aw my One Braincell Trio worries about MY is adorable tho (yet another missed opportunity for him to make actual friends who care about him and not end up as JGY)

I’m sorry for the thirst but HOLLY SHIT WANG ZHUOCHENG’S BONE STRUCTURE.

That’s it. I’m going to stop the tv series here when they’re in Lotus Pier and everything is fiiiiine. Btw watching that servant girl run through the place has convinced me that I 100% would trip taking a corner and end up in the lake.

YUNMENG SIIIIIBS

Ok, pause to say: I do think Madame Yu is a BAMF. I also think that’s literally her only redeeming quality. I don’t like Mme Yu and I don’t like JFM and y’all are gonna have to endure my ranting.

This woman is just spoiling for a fight isn’t she?

Ok, the first time I saw this, I was willing to be on her side. My mum does the same thing where she rants when she’s worried and my dad is more phlegmatic (until he snaps then they just scream at each other and I eat popcorn). The instant I decided that she could go hang was when she started being an asshole to her kids. And they just take it, so it is clearly not the first time she’s called her daughter a mildness follower and her son idiot and useless fuuuuck her.

And of course JFM goes and pulls the “man from way back when” misogynistic bullshit and tells her to go rest. Why would he either try to not have this conversation in from of their children or stand up for all of them.

Ok. How did LWJ not get a massive footprint on his PALE BLUE clothes from WZL’s kick?

Also, let me go down the clothes, or rather footwear, rabbit hole for a second. Those fucking boots can’t be comfortable. I know that’s the shape they had and whatever but they don’t move when you walk. My god, I own 12 pairs of Doctor Martens, I did pointe in my ballet class for years, I know a lot about unyielding shoes and I can tell you, that walking without being able to flex you foot is horrendous. How. Why. Am I missing something that’s common knowledge about those boots by virtue of not being Chinese? (And having almost zero knowledge of traditional Chinese clothing)

Alright, back to the show LWJ about to throw hands at WC (not with, WC is too much of a coward).

Yay the butterflies!

My one track mind: *takes note of the fakeness of the fake blood*

Xichen bb noooooo.

Wait wait wait. Assuming the Cloud Recesses siege and the conversation when JFM tells our boys they’re leaving for Nightless City in three days are happening simultaneously that means LWJ fucked off to indoctrination ON A BROKEN LEG. And he got there only a bit before the people from Yunmeng, however Cloud Recesses is further away than Lotus Pier, so he was fucking rushing, ON A BROKEN LEG. Please tell me he was at least wearing plaster under his clothes (no he wasn’t, at least not in the Murder Turtle cave) *Screams in Doctor*

(But FR, don’t pull that kind of bullshit, walking around on a fracture can cause the bone fragments to shift, compress the blood supply to your foot and you can loose it)

Look, this idiot is back. Again, if you see random bouts of screaming is just me not wanting to listen to Su She.

Ok, ok I’ve got a bone to pick here. I’ve seen some people say that Su She cracking and telling the Wens how to get in is less about him being an asshole and more about he not wanting to die. Fair enough, wanting to survive is natural. HOWEVER, my problem with this situation in particular is that, as long as he saved his own skin, he didn’t give a fuck about all the people who were going to get murdered. That’s a dick move.

And before anyone can tell me that’s not how regular people work, my building caught on fire about a year ago, my first instinct after putting my cat in his carrier by a fresh air source was to leave my flame-free flat to go check on my neighbours. I don’t know my neighbours, hell, our relationship consists on them letting their kids scream until past midnight and me blasting death metal at 6am the day after in retaliation. (They were gone for the weekend and both me and the cat were fine, thank fuck for skylights). I know it isn’t the same stakes as being held at swordpoint but, my dude, human decency is human decency.

Su She: people like LWJ look down on us outer disciples.

LWJ: *literally gets his leg broken bc he saved Su She’s life*

My one track mind: where’s the arterial spray?

Every time I seen Yunmeng disciples shooting kites I start hearing Kill Bill sirens.

Speaking of shooting kites. I don’t think JC has ever actually been jealous of WWX like sometimes I’ve seen mentioned. He clearly encourages him to best his shot in front of all the disciples knowing he’ll make it. He’s had his mother’s poison and his father’s indifference poured in his ear since he was a child, if this really was a Thor-Loki/Scar-Mufasa/Cain-Abel brother dynamic those tiny little gestures wouldn’t exist. JC could not give less of a fuck that WWX is “better” than him, it has been, however, used to hurt both of them; and that’s what pisses him off. Not that he’s compared to his brother, but that whoever is doing that comparison explicitly seeks to hurt. Also, knowing that you baby brother (I don’t care WWX is older that JC, he’s the baby in this relationship) is a prodigy, and yet he’s in such deep shit he probably won’t be able to get out, and what can you, not a prodigy, do to help him out? Nothing. That’s terrible, that’s painful and as we all know JC only emotes in anger.

SOMEONE HUG NHS PLEASE HE LOOKS SO SAD.

Oh I’m living for Peacock’s facial expressions.

Ok, listen, listen. That whole scene where WWX turns around, LWJ is looking gorgeous dressed in white, flanked by the two Wen soldiers walking down the aisle to joint the front of the queue reads too much like a Western wedding for my poor heart to not make the connection. Also, LWJ (in white) is walking towards WWX (in black) which is usually the positions and colour schemes of an heterosexual version of those weddings and as much as I say fuck gendering WangXian (ppl calling WWX mother or wife makes me homicidal) you will pry those parallels from my cold dead hands.

I can’t even make fun of the *Bichen grip* because my taciturn bb is so hurt right now.

Thanks for reading!

[deadcattherapy]

This blog is named because at the time it was created ruby, a runt we picked up from Safeway, had suddenly become incredibly sick and we had to put her down. It was sad and sudden and she was only 7ish years old. We still had two other cats, blackberry and boots, that we got when we were very little.

This was not a blog to make myself feel better or anything like that. We had observed death a lot in humans and animals and whatever at that point. Dad told me once that it was wrong to claim I “loved nature” if I couldn’t also appreciate the death side of it, which didn’t make a whole lot of sense phrased that way, but it made sense as a 5 year old child. There is no permanence and those we love will always leave us at some point unless we leave them first. Sometimes death is brutal and unexpected, and sometimes it is after a long long life and goes softly.

Boots is like. Idk. 20? 21? His sister died at 17. But he is on his way out now, and my brother, who was younger than me when we got him, has basically only known life with his cat. But he can barely walk or piss or even get up the stairs anymore, and it’s just...time. Just how it is

And it’s sad and it’s also the end of childhood pets, and dad will bury him in the yard somewhere nice beside the other animals, and it will be weird because now there are no cats or dogs in my parents house.

I don’t know what the point of this is. That the blogs name has somehow reached a conclusion? Just another musing on death? Tis the season to consider death and our dead loved ones before spring gets here in the northern hemisphere, if you aren’t already. I encourage us all to reflect on lives already lived and what they mean to us now. I do it everyday anyway, to remember old friends and families and pets, of times that were both better and worse, and be at peace with my own life whether it goes for another 100 years or another 100 days

I hope you all have a good winter season and holidays and have the time to safely reflect on what needs to be reflected on

[inthedrift]

More Chaleigh headcannons

Because I’ve been spreading a lot of sad recently so

Who hogs the blanket? - Chuckles, Raleigh doesn't feel the need for the blankets half the time, he grew up in Alaska for gods sake, a blanket in Sydney might just finish him off. Also Chuck gives off the heat of a dying star and is always adamant about wrapping himself around Raleigh's back and causing him to almost expire from heat exhaustion. So it's less Chuck hogging the blanket and more Raleigh fighting to have the thing as far away from him as possible

Who eats the others uneaten pizza crusts? - Rals, he spent 5 years on rations, he doesn't let anything go to waste. Even before that when Richard bailed and Dominique got sick they didn't have a lot of money so every bite of food counted. They get plenty of food now but it's still a hard habit to break if its on a plate in front of him he's not gonna leave it.

Who is more likely to cry over a sad book or movie? - Honestly I think Chuck, like he's this emotionally walled off kid effectively. And he probably didn't get to watch or read a lot of stuff and when he did it will have been engineering books or something. So Raleigh comes along and he had a childhood before the kaiju attacked he was 15 before the world even started ending, he didn't even enlist till he was 17 so like he spent his childhood with films and books. So he picks these films that Chuck missed that he has to see and some of them are sad, like super sad and Chuck has spent so long bottling in any emotion that wasn't anger or smugness and Raleigh makes him feel safe so these films the sort of shock the tears out of him. And at first he's embarrassed but Raleigh is always there always comforting and honestly sometimes it's more beneficial than their mandatory therapy sessions as he feels so much safer crying about a film with Raleigh and just being normal.

Who talks smack while playing video games? - Both of them. Are you kidding me? Raleigh is a middle child like, he probably grew up with a wii, bet you he tried to beat Yancy to death with a wii remote once for blue shelling him (they hurt, my brother broke my finger with one). So like Raleigh was raised on smack talk and video games, but Chuck who no doubt missed out on a lot especially like COD or stuff, is a competitive and contrary little shit. No way is he taking anything lying down, bet you he starts teabagging Rals the first time he kills him even though he has no clue what it is or that it has a name. Also bet you they've fallen out/actually had a physical fight over Mario Party just saying.

Who sings along with the radio? - Raleigh probably, like again he was old enough when the war started. So most songs that come on the radio he will know and he'll take great delight in pissing Chuck off by singing at the top of his voice and out of tune (he can sing in tune, fairly well tbh, but were is the fun in that). Chuck surprises him though, like ok he doesn't know any of the modern stuff but he knows like everything 80's and some vague 90s stuff and Raleigh is kinda shooketh, and the kid is adorable when he knows a song on the radio and he just can't help himself singing along, (Raleigh won't say it outloud but he's not a great singer, but he loves Chuck's voice so he couldn't give a shit) also and Chuck would kill Raleigh if anyone else ever found out but Chuck knows musicals. Like he doesn't know movies but Angela loved musicals and Chuck has a playlist - he listens to it in the shower.

Who would accidentally set the kitchen on fire while cooking? - Chuck. Raleigh had a sick mother, who lets be real he would have had to cook for as Yancy must have been working to bring some money in other than any benefits or sick pay or whatever. So Raleigh is like a super competent cook, maybe he hasn't done it in a while but it's ingrained into him. Chuck on the other hand he hasn't lived anywhere but military bases and shatterdomes since he was 12. Food just kinda appears, like he tips up to the mess hall and there it is. So the first few times it will go as expected the food isn't great, but it's edible like Chuck is too much of a perfectionist to fuck up that badly. But then he'll get a little confident a little bit cocky and will try and do two things at once and before you know it he's put a towel on a burner ring and all the sprinklers go off.

Who would throw the other into a pool? - Raleigh? Again he's a younger sibling, I feel things like that come from either having a sibling or high school shenanigans and seeing as Chuck has experienced neither he just wouldn't consider it. But Raleigh decides it would be fucking hilarious to grab Chuck off the stretcher he's been reading on by the pool bridal style and it takes Chuck a second to react first by dropping his book followed by an "Oi, Ray, fuck do you think you're doing" and before you know it the kid has been dropped in the deep end. Queue all out war, Raleigh still has a tan line in the shape of a dick on his back.

Who shops for groceries? - Raleigh, Chuck comes along and just throws garbage in the cart like he'll 100% see how many snacks he can sneak in there before they get to the check out. If Raleigh sent him alone they would have exactly nothing with any nutritional value.

Who kills the spiders? - Max, Raleigh is scared of them like not to the point where he'd die if stuck in a room with one, but he isn't getting close enough to the fucker to kill it. And Chuck well Chuck is deathly afraid, like would happily just burn the house to the ground and leave kind of afraid. He trained Max to eat spiders, because if there's even one in the room with him he can't sleep, can't focus on anything but where the thing is. Like he's slept in the mess hall a few times to avoid a spider.

Who is the morning/night person? - Raleigh is a golden retriever personified, he's all baby Anna from Frozen "The sky's away so I'm awake", so like it will be 6am and he'll be raring to go and he's not exactly quiet or tactful when he wakes up, and Chuck will be jostled awake and every morning without fail Chuck will have to debate whether he punches Raleigh hard enough in the throat that he passes out. Chuck has learned however that Raleigh will sleep in later if he's well and truly fucked the night before so that's usually his tactic, alternatively if Chuck can wake up long enough to give Raleigh a good blow job he tends to go straight back to sleep, so yeah Chuck is certainly not a morning person and has learnt to use sex or violence as a way to get more sleep.

Who proposes? - Honestly I think it would probably be Chuck, like Raleigh probably wouldn't even consider it. He loves Chuck like with his whole being, but Raleigh's experience of marriage is a father who had a whole other family and bailed on his mom so he's not exactly the sort of person who would consider it the ultimate declaration of love. But Chuck his happy memories were from when his mum and dad were together and it was the three of them and Herc still loves Angela so of course Chuck would see it as a way to show Rals he loves him and Raleigh would be so shocked and awed that Chuck would want to saddle himself with his has been ass and of course Raleigh says yes.

Who forgot to put the cat dog outside before sex? - I mean Raleigh probably as Chuck has experienced that awful feeling of eyes on him during sex only to turn and see Max staring woefully at him from across the room probably way more times than he wants to admit but Raleigh. Raleigh has probably never had a pet and has never had to worry about being watched by anything other than another human which they tend to remove themselves from the situation fairly quickly when they've grasped what's about to happen. So yeah Raleigh would forget and they'd be happily cracking on as it were and Max instead of just watching in that creepy unblinking way that pets tend to have he'd come up and actually lick any part of either body he could reach standing on his hind legs and Raleigh would actually fucking squeak and Chuck would be laughing to hard to focus on much of anything else for a good while. So they don't forget anymore.

Who posts vines of the other doing embarrassing shit? Chuck? Like I can see Raleigh doing more embarrassing shit, like tripping over constantly or just being a fucking dork and Chuck just films it. But Raleigh is 100% the more likely one that if Chuck did trip over or he caught him singing Les Mis or something to post it somewhere. He’s also the one that’s gonna get a bo staff to the head for the trouble but he’d probably only regret it when he’s lying in bed with the lights off because he has a minor concussion and the light makes his head want to explode but at least Chuck is stroking his hair and hasn’t turned them back on so that probably counts as a win.

Who breaks the most phones? Raleigh probably. I see him as being the clumsy one but if Chuck is mad he’s so gonna launch phones at things like walls or people. But I think Chuck accepts that failing and would have a proper case on his phone, Raleigh on the other hand is always adamant that he won’t drop this one cue two weeks later having to admit to Chuck that the screen is in a million pieces and the battery might be leaking as he dropped it off one of the engineering decks.

Who thinks they can do something really well even though they can't? Neither? Like Raleigh isn’t that sort of cocky, he would never think he’s good at something that he isn’t - he knows what he excels at and is perfectly accepting of what he can’t do. And Chuck honestly I think he’s pretty good at a lot of things and he’s far too proud to do something that he’s bad at and wouldn’t be willing to make a fool of himself in front of others. So I think they both know what they can and can’t do

Who is more likely to get kicked out of the bed? Rals 100%. Like he’s an eternal sunshine child, he goes from 0-60 in the blink of an eye and Chuck is not into the whole being awake before a reasonable hour unless a goddamn kaiju is here and about to fuck shit up. So I don’t doubt that if Raleigh is being either too noisy or too handsy before Chuck is either willing to wake up or willing to have morning sex before having a nap then I can bet Raleigh has either been pushed/kicked out of bed forcefully onto the floor, punched somewhere usually the throat or his balls or Chuck has actively tried to smother him either with a pillow or just his own body. That and I’d put money on Raleigh taking great delight in coming back early from being outside maybe just taking max for a wee and putting his cold hands/feet against Chuck’s skin, and Chuck has just removed him not just from the bed but the entire room and left him out in the corridor until he’s ready to get up.

[b-random]

Survey

Taken from @fiaspice​

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk? Cereal.

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day? No. Not much of a fan of cold weather.

3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books? Usually the receipt.

4: how do you take your coffee/tea? Cold, with ice, without the coffee.

5: are you self-conscious of your smile? Yes.  Getting self conscious about a lot actually.

6: do you keep plants? Just planted some tonight in fact.

7: do you name your plants? no, but I might.

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings? Not much anymore.  But I really want to try acrylic paint pouring.

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself? Yes.  Or to my cats. Or steering wheel.

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach? sides

11: what’s an inner joke you have with your friends? If I catch my employee at work not using her safety gloves, I ask her where her hand is and she responds by singing “IT ISN’T IN MY GLOOOOOOVE” (to the tune of Shawn Mendes’ “In My Blood”)  That’s the only one I can think of that doesn’t require ridiculous amounts of explanation.

12: what’s your favorite planet? Earth.  Couldn’t live without it. 

13: what’s something that made you smile today? Christy and Fraser on 101.5 Today Radio had a contest called “Chereoke” to win Cher tickets and some of the contestants’ attempts at singing Cher was hilarious.

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like? Hopefully it would be a rustic/industrial combo style loft with at least one exposed brick wall, exposed duct work, metal and wood finishes.

15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is!: Halley’s comet won’t orbit past Earth again until 2061... I’ll probably be dead.

16: what’s your favorite pasta dish? Tortellini with a creamy rosé sauce.

17: what color do you really want to dye your hair? I’m bald so this question is just cruel.

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up. After a friend of mine told me he had unprotected sex with his ex girlfriend on a booty call, I arranged for a bouquet of fruit to be delivered to his work on father’s day with a sonogram attached to it.  He’s a darker skinned guy but his face went white as snow.  It doesn’t sound like much, but his mom heard about the prank at her work several blocks away.

19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it? I don’t.  This blog is the closest thing I have to that.

20: what’s your favorite eye color? Blue.

21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces. I don’t have a favourite bag.

22: are you a morning person? I would say so.  I’m not so much of a night owl anymore.

23: what’s your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations? I literally sit on my couch all day and do nothing but watch netflix and dick around on my phone.

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets? Don’t think so. 

25: what’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into? Can’t say I’ve ever broken into anywhere.  At least, not anywhere memorable.

26: what are the shoes you’ve had for forever and wear with every single outfit? I don’t have an exciting answer for this, but I have a pair of Puma shoes that have been around for 4-5 years.

27: what’s your favorite bubblegum flavor? Watermelon

28: sunrise or sunset? Sunrise.

29: what’s something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing? One of my friends makes it a point to build her other female friends up at any and all costs.

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared? The only thing I can think of is when I was probably 5 years old I was at a water park and I was supposed to go down the water slide but I was so scared that I couldn’t do it.  My family went down before me so I was stuck at the top screaming and crying.

31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? I mostly wear white socks because I wear pretty heavy duty shoes at work and so anything else gets ruined.  But if I’m going out or doing something, I usually like a bit of colour.

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends? I'm told that one time at about 4:00 in the morning I went to my neighbours house and was knocking on their garage door for about half an hour singing songs, but I don’t remember that.

33: what’s your fave pastry? Creme puffs.

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it? I had a Popple. (Remember Popples?! The Popples still make me smile.) Well, I had several, but my favourite was PC - specifically Sports PC.  I don’t still have him anymore and I’m pretty sad about that.  But his tail did fall off at one point and oddly enough, I still have his tail!

35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often? I usually end up buying stationery items that I never use.

36: which band’s sound would fit your mood right now? My mood has been 100% Carly Rae Jepsen since Dedicated came out last Friday.

37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean? My room is often messy, but that doesn’t mean I like it that way.

38: tell us about your pet peeves!? People who use incorrect phrases like “Once and a while” or when people say “should of” instead of “should’ve”

39: what color do you wear the most? Probably black.

40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what’s it’s story? does it have any meaning to you? I have no jewellery.

41: what’s the last book you remember really, really loving? Hunger Games.  I haven’t really enjoyed too many books since then.  I’ve been trying to read the Harry Potter series but I’m only moderately enjoying them.

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? I do not.

43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with? Frick it’s been so long since I’ve done that.  Probably a guy who I hooked up with several years ago.  I don’t even remember his name.

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything? The last time I went to the mountains.  It’s been close to a year.

45: do you trust your instincts a lot? Sometimes to a fault.

46: tell us the worst pun you can think of.?  Time flies like an arrow.  Fruit flies like a banana.

47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe? Seafood.

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today? Heights. I’m still afraid of them, but now I’d say I’m more scared of things like the ocean and space.

49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought? I really do.  Especially the ones I really like.  Most recent was Carly Rae Jepsen’s “Dedicated” album.

50: what’s an odd thing you collect?  I don’t collect much anymore.  I used to collect Coca-Cola memorabilia, though.

51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them? "Your Type” by Carly Rae Jepsen.  I swear I listen to other artists and bands besides CRJ, but she seems to be fitting a lot of the questions here.

52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far? Those comics on Instagram with the aliens explaining everyday human activities.

53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them? Beetlejuice is the only one of those that I’ve seen in full.  Haven’t seen it in probably 20 years so it’s time I give it another go.

54: who’s the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face? My mom after my sister did some stupid things last week and was super cruel to her after.

55: what’s the most dramatic thing you’ve ever done to prove a point? I can’t remember

56: what are some things you find endearing in people? Selflessness, genuine dorkiness.

57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics? I didn’t reenact the lyrics, but I did sing and reenact the scene from Wayne’s World.

58: who’s the wine mom and who’s the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why? Neither of them.

59: what’s your favorite myth? I still find the whole Bermuda Triangle thing to be interesting.

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves? I don’t know any poetry.

61: what’s the stupidest gift you’ve ever given? the stupidest one you’ve ever received? Oh god, I’m a terrible gift giver so I couldn’t possibly narrow it down to just one.  Stupidest gift I’ve ever received was a Starbucks gift set.  I don’t drink coffee.

62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind? Well, I usually put fruit juice into my smoothies, so I guess yeah.  And whatever is available.

63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be? I have to keep them alphabetical except for my collections which are sorted by size of the collection.

64: what color is the sky where you are right now? Grey. Like it has been for the past week.

65: is there anyone you haven’t seen in a long time who you’d love to hang out with? Yes.  I’ll call him K.

66: what would your ideal flower crown look like? Ideal flower crown is not a concept that is even remotely familiar to me.

67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel? depressed.

68: what’s winter like where you live? Fucking long and unbearable. 

69: what are your favorite board games? Scategories, The Game of Life, etc.

70: have you ever used an ouija board? yeah

71: what’s your favorite kind of tea? Iced.

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you’ll forget it? I could probably benefit from jotting more things down than I do.

73: what are some of your worst habits? Laziness.

74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns. Sassy and spunky, but equally kind and compassionate.

75: tell us about your pets! My babies are not babies anymore.  They’re feline brother and sister and I’ve had them for more than 15 years.  He’s black and my bestest little buddy.  She cost me an invitation to my sister’s wedding and I have NO REGRETS about it at all.

76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t? The dishes from dinner.

77: pink or yellow lemonade? pink I guess?

78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub? I find them entertaining, but I wouldn’t put myself in either club.

79: what’s one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you? Can’t think of anything right now.

80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why? C2 Coconut. Essentially they’re a soft white. I did not choose that colour.  It was the builder’s choice and I just haven’t gotten around to painting it yet. Soon one wall is going to be a metallic denim-like blue. 

81: describe one of your friend’s eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of. Crystal ball reflecting tropical waters.

82: are/were you good in school? ish.

83: what’s some of your favorite album art? Michael Jackson’s Dangerous, Social Code’s Rock N Roll or Spice Girls Spice.

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones? I have a concept in mind that combines Spice Girls, Power Rangers and LGBT pride.  It’s just a matter of designing and getting it done.

85: do you read comics? what are your faves?  Don’t read comics.

86: do you like concept albums? which ones? The only concept album I can think of is Green Day’s American Idiot.  That one wore thin on me quickly.

87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives? Kingsman: Secret Service, Jurassic Park, Twister, and it’s not a movie but I’m going to say The Haunting of Hill House.

88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy? Acrylic Paint Pouring

89: are you close to your parents? yeah

90: talk about your one of you favorite cities. Ehh... Haven’t really explored many places recently and I’m feeling less enthusiastic about Calgary these days.  I’ll pass on this one.

91: where do you plan on traveling this year? I’ll be in Massachusetts this time next week.  Boston and Provincetown.  I’m excited as I’ve never been there.

92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch? Out of those two options, drowns in cheese.

93: what’s the hairstyle you wear the most? Shaved.

94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday? My friend Ashley’s birthday was on Saturday.

95: what are your plans for this weekend? Packing and working.

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot? Only once it is forced upon me.

97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house? INTP-T, Libra, Puffnstuff

98: when’s the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it? Last May.  Need to change that very, very soon.

99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them. I couldn’t even begin to name those songs right now. 

100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why? I’d probably go back 5 years.  Whether I’m happy with my life or not, I don’t want to miss any of it.

[delusional-cryptid]

Patton’s Backstory-

SS Hybrid Au part two

Tw: blood

Me - narrator - speaking character(Patton)

Legend says that Witches and Warlocks once existed. However, now, they’re scarce. A child of a human and a demon, giving birth to a creature so powerful that it can rival any other beast. They can be cunning, creative, but idealistic, reckless and overall naive…

That’s what they called me…

no, let’s not think of that, ok?

Ok.

My name is Patton DeAngelo, I am a warlock. My… type most often have traits that differentiate them from other ‘Humans’. Myself in fact I have cat ears and a fluffy tail, I don’t show them to people often. I was born in… 1788 I think? I’m not sure how old I am, but the thing with warlocks is that we’re immortal! Cool right! Well… there are downsides- but that doesn’t matter!

Anyway I used to live in the woods with all the cute little critters, but I moved out and now I’m happily living just outside of Florida!

That’s not true. There’s something he’s not telling you. Would you like to hear?

Good

The year was 1770, Patton was 12. Living in the woods in a small home with the occasional teenager who would come by on a dare or something of the sort. You see, there was a rumor that the cabin along with the woods was haunted and anything to enter that neck of the woods would never be seen again. The truth is that the woods were packed and often dark, so it was very easy to get lost. And eaten. And that’s precisely why his mother chose this place for them. Patton’s mother was a kind and caring woman, and when she found her child to be a warlock she immediately knew what would happen if anyone found out so she took her son and ran into the forest she had always been told to stay away from. Because “taking any chance is better than you, not getting a chance to grow up.” She told her son. She built the cabin and left each day to find food for the both of them. Until one day when her son was eleven, she inevitably didn’t come back.

At the time, the boy was confused. But he didn’t dare leave the safety of his home,but he soon ran out of food. So he left to find food, and hopefully his mother. Throughout the journey his ears were perked, picking up any sound that could threaten them. He wandered through the darkness for what seemed like a long while until he noticed the forest brighten and he walked toward it, hoping desperately for companionship.

But when he peaked out his eyes widened, met with a different sight. He saw a pile of bodies, people like him… but closer to him, he saw familiar caramel hair and blue shirt. His mother. Mutilated and bloody, her dead eyes looking right through him. He stifled a scream and ran in the other direction. He ran and ran and eventually collapsed to his knees, sobbing.

His mind warned him about the monsters his mom would talk about, but at the mention of his mom he sobbed harder. He sat there forever, only jolting when he felt a warmth curl around him.

He didn’t bother looking up, whatever it was could kill him without a fight.

He no longer had anything to live for.

Patton gave up and surrendered to the darkness.

He woke with a start a while later, it was already dark. The kid was confused, as he had forgotten what had happened. But as soon as he closed his eyes he saw his lifeless mother watching him and he opened his eyes wide, curling his tail around him and flattening his ears to his head in hopes ofblocking out the horrible sounds. When he felt movement behind him he turned his head, seeing a large wolf. The beast had to be at least three times the size of Patton, and a beautiful light grey with one gold eye and one ice blue one. It looked him in the eyes and he stared back, saying “hello, what do you need?” As friendly as possible

The wolf grunted back “I require your help, boy”

“With what?”

“ my cub was trapped by your faux kin”

“Oh no! Where?”

The dog seemed surprised, she had clearly not expected his help

She lead the way and cries of fear could soon be heard

Patton rushed to the pup and saw that a snare trap had been set and the cub had been caught by the neck, Patton rushes to the cub and started speaking

“Hush, hush, it’ll be okay kiddo. I’ll get you out”

As he feverishly worked at the snare, the small creature relaxed. Or so Patton had thought, I’d seems that the dog had been weakened and He finally noticed the bloody ring encasing the puppy’s neck. so when the dog was finally free he was breathing heavily and laying still.

Patton felt a tug inside of him, like words pulling on his lips. So he let himself speak and a warm feeling filled his chest. The cub whimpered and relaxed in his arms.

The cubs mother (as Patton had gathered ) came up behind him, sitting down and putting her head on his. The boy grinned up at her and says, “they’ll be ok”

Patton looked at the dog, ready to stop the blood from its neck but started as he saw that the previously bleeding ring had faded. Leaving pale, scarred flesh and dried blood around the wound. Confused, Patton glanced at the mother who mirrored his expression. “You saw it too?” The boy asked,“yeah, what did you do?”.

Tail flicking, he said “I-I dont know? But they’re breathing.” He shook his head and stared at the scarred flesh. It was real.

He slowly stood up with the pup in his arms, and said to the wolf “can you show me your den?” The wolf just stared sadly, but Patton understood. She had left her pack, she no longer had a den. “Sorry, can we go to my home?” She agreed.

He started walking, he felt like he know where he was and where he was going. Despite it being dark and him never having been out of his home.

And as they walked back he asked, “so, what’s your name?”

“I’m Adarla, my cub is Lyn. Why were you In this forest warlock?”

“Oh- wait, War...lock? What’s that?”

“You, you are a warlock. A warlock is a half demon, half human creature,” she said the word ‘human’ as If it was poisonous, “gifted with powerful magic but cursed with in-human traits” she finished

“Oh.. I guess that makes sense…”

“ but I haven’t seen you around, and I was beta. So where did you come from?”

He took a deep breath and responded “I was raised in a cabin in these woods. My m-“ he paused, feeling tears again but pushed it down and continued “mom, wouldn’t let me leave but she was hunted and I needed food.”

“... you don’t need to hide your human parts, they may be an evil race, but you aren’t one of them.”

Patton was surprised she noticed, not even knowing the reason himself, but nodded nonetheless.

When they arrived at his home he stopped, remembering he had no food.

“What is it warlock?” Adarla asked

“I don’t have any food, so I need to get some. Oh, and you can call me Patton by the way”

“I’ll hunt, just take care of lyn”

“Ok, thank you”

As Adarla left, Lyn let out a tiny whimper. As if he could tell his mother had left him. The thought made Patton a little sad, but he shoved it down and smiled at the small pup, heading into his empty house.

-Patton sat with the pup for around two hours when Adarla pawed at the door-

He got up and left Lyn where he was sleeping a nd got the door. When he did so, Adarla dragged a small deer in the door. Feeling guilty for being bothered by having to prepare an animal he pushed the disgust aside and took it to the counter. Cutting into the flank of the poor creature, but also too hungry to refuse. He gave the rest of the deer to Adarla, who had just woken Lyn who gazed at the meat hungrily. As Patton cooked the meat on a spit he finally felt the hunger of almost three days set in and as soon as the meat was done he hurriedly ate it without any seasoning or anything. Only To be reminded by Adarla to slow or he’d throw up.

Later that night he peacefully fell asleep by Adarla.

They went on living in Patton’s house for about a week when Patton’s curiosity got the best of him.

The boy walked cautiously through the forest until he found the edge of the forest. He heard shouting and poked his head out, tail swishing. What made humans so bad? He wondered as he stepped out. His ears were perked to hear any danger. There were few people around but when one noticed the short boy he shouted “witch!”

Catching the others attention who stared at him, yelling other words, some of which he had never heard. He flinched at the noise and turned an ran, tearing up, scared. He heard the noise follow him and he ran faster, he had to get away. He found his house and slammed the door.

He heard banging on the door and started smelling smoke.

Then the door broke.

He doesn’t remember much of it, only the noise the pain and then screaming. They cut into his skin and set fire to his house. He screamed in anguish as blue fire flowed around him. After they had run he lay on the scorched floor of what used to be his home. He bled, the sticky crimson liquid falling from his cuts, he knew what to say to stop the pain and blood. But he didn’t deserve it, so he only stopped the blood flow and got up with stinging cuts. He should have listened to Adarla, this was his fault. He didn’t know if she and Lyn were ok or if they had died like he should have. He took a deep breath and stared out at the blossoming sunset.

He fled after that. And he didn’t stop running until everyone from that village had died, it took 100 years to re enter society.

The year he did, he looked out on the town, a tear rolling down his cheek as he closed his eyes. Focusing on numbness. He could feel his familiar ears and tail dissipate, he cried harder. He didn’t want to lose them, but he had to. When the process was completed, he opened his eyes, bothered by the empty feeling they left.

He walked into the town, preparing himself for the horrible creatures he would encounter.

Patton backstory, part two

-Lord of Dragons and Witches-

[thebisexualmandalorian]

Question 1 for Sam, 2 for Cody, 3 for Garbage Cat, 4 for Grey, 5 for Sam and so on!

Under a cut for length!

1. Name? 

Sam, Samson, Samwise, Sammy, Old Man, Handsome Boy, Sweet Baby.

2. Fur color?

Cody is ORANGE.  THE ORANGEST BOY.

3. Any family you know (other than you)

Answered here!

4. Age?

Grey’s almost two!

5. Favorite toy?

Sam likes fishing toys a lot.

6. Nicknames?

BABY BOY, MY SON

7. Cinnamon roll or problematic fave?

The most problematic of faves.  Garbage Cat is made of cuteness and straight-up evil.  She wants to destroy every other cat and also me.

8. Length of fluff?

Short!  Grey has a short, very silky coat.

9. Any funny habits?

Sam needs head bumps all the time.  Whenever he sees me for the first time every day, I have to sit down so he can stretch up and bump his forehead against mine.

10. How old were they when you met?

We think Cody was around eight months.

11. What does their food bowl look like?

Dollar Tree cat bowl with pictures of fish on it, or straight out of the bucket, lol.

12. Indoor or outdoor cat?

We’re trying to transition Grey to being an inside cat.

13. Recent picture?

14. Old picture?

15. Cuddly?

Garbage Cat only cuddles when I pick her up so she can watch mom cook.

16. Ever changed their name?

Nope!  He’s always been Grey.

18. Eye color?

Sam has the prettiest green eyes.

19. How do they express love for you?

Cody follows me everywhere, screaming, and he’ll fling himself into my lap.  He stretches up to try to grab my hand.  He purrs.  He is the lovingest baby boy.

20. How do you express love for them?

I feed Garbage Cat wet food and treats and throw bouncy balls for her. 

21. Any theories on what breed?

Whatever bizarre breed gave Grey a curved, pointy nose and made him smol.

22. Do they ever wake you up?

Sam does wake me up sometimes, lol.

23. How much do they meow?

So much.  Cody loves to squeak at me when he thinks I’m not paying attention.

24. Any hiding spots?

Garbage Cat got her nickname from sleeping in the trash can, but she also likes to snuggle under blankets.  We have to pat the beds to make sure she isn’t asleep under the quilt before we sit down.

25. Do they enjoy guests?

Nope.  Grey can warm up to people, but he gets spooked when they’re new.

26. Lofty objects to sit on?

Sam doesn’t really like being up high, mostly because he’s an Elderly Gentlecat and it’s hard for him to get up and down.

27. Wear a collar? (and describe collar?)

Cody had a sparkly red collar, but it disappeared and I keep forgetting to replace it.

28. How much shedding?

Garbage Cat sheds so much, jesus christ.

29. Do they enjoy brushing?

Hahaha nope, Grey hates it.

30. Ever drink from the toilet?

Sam is far too fancy for that.  (Also we keep the lids closed so they can’t, lol)

31. How do they get your attention?

Cody flings himself into my legs and tries to climb me. 

32. Embarrassing thing they’ve done?

Embarrassing for me or her?  Garbage Cat has no shame.  

33. Weirdest thing they try to eat?

Grey doesn’t really like anything super weird, but he has stolen the breading from chicken fingers.

34. Are they like your siblings, children, or friends?

Sam is my best friend.

35. What time do they eat breakfast?

Cody usually eats around six in the morning, when dad feeds them.

36. Do you cut their nails?

Dude, I don’t want to die.

37. Do you think they understand you?

I look at Grey and I just know that there’s nothing going on in that tiny, tiny head.  

38. Ever make fun of them?

How could I make fun of someone as dignified as Sam?

39. Do you take their picture often?

I take so many pictures of Cody.

40. Ever hiss at you?

Garbage Cat doesn’t bother hissing, she skips straight to attempted homicide.

41. Ever try to scratch or bite you?

Grey would never.  

42. If you try to grab their paw, what do they do?

Sam bites for that kind of offense.  He hates having his gigantic snowshoe paws touched.

43. Do they ever eat bugs?

Yep.  Cody looooves chasing crane flies.

44. Canned or dry food?

Both!  Garbage Cat gets a specially selected diet of grain-free dry and wet food because she is a special baby who’s allergic to at least one grain. 

45. Weight?

We haven’t weighed Grey but he is Tiny.  

46. Ever got lost?

Sam’s given us a few scares.

47. Do you buy them presents?

Yep!

48. Do they respond when you call?

Garbage Cat only responds to the sound of a can opening or a treat bag being shaken.

49. Do they ever see other cats?

Grey has his family outside, and Cody is his Bestest Friend Ever.  He tries to be friends with Garbage Cat and Sam, but that way only ends in sadness.

50. Declawed?

HELL NO.

51. Funniest expression?

The look she gave us the day we brought her home:

52. Favorite place to be pet?

Grey loves head scritches.

53. Worst thing they’ve destroyed?

Sam is a chronic pisser-on of scratching pads, so we can’t have those in the house anymore.

54. Give them a head kiss.

Cody squeaked at me.

55. What time of the year is most exciting for them?

Garbage Cat loves cold weather.  She runs laps when it gets below 70 degrees.

56. Are they good at hunting real prey?

One time, I went out to the back yard to bring Grey in, and he was eating a rat as big as him.  So... yeah.

57. Do they ever attack nothing?

Sam is pretty chill tbh.

58. What are they doing right now?

Just chilling.

59. How long have you had them?

Since October of 2015.  Garbage Cat was my halloween kitten.

60. If you could have them stay as a kitten forever, would you?

I mean... Grey basically is a kitten.  He’s smol and full of energy.

61. Ever baby-talk to them?

All the goddamn time.

62. Favorite napping position?

Cody loves to sleep stretched out on his back, with his paws curled up against his chest.

63. Have you ever stepped on their paw?

YES AND I FELT LIKE A MONSTER

64. Ever tripped you on stairs?

We don’t have stairs but I am 100% certain that if we did, Grey would trip me on them.

65. Any ear hair?

SAM HAS THE BEST EAR TUFTS

66. Favorite view from a window?

Cody doesn’t really like windows that much.

67. Describe why they are precious.

Garbage Cat is so funny, and she has the cutest little mrrps when she’s watching people cook or when she wakes up.

68. Fit the cat stereotype?

Grey is more like a very strange and friendly ferret than a cat.

69. Chaotic neutral?

Sam is Lawful Good.

70. Do they enjoy following/ keeping you company?

Holy shit yes.  Cody always has to be where I am, and I can’t do anything without him getting up to follow me.

71. Are you their favorite human? 

HAHAHA NO.  I barely rank in the top ten, and Garbage Cat only knows like six people.

72. Do they like tv?

Grey will watch bird videos for hours if I put them on.

73. Favorite noise to make?

This horrible parrot-like squawk.  I love it.

74. If they were a Neko Atsume cat, what would their momento be?

A small heart-shaped plush.

[juangallojongaro]

Best of 2020

Bruce Springsteen – “If I Was the Priest” Lauded as a return to form for the Boss (I found the album…middling?), this is the standout track on Letter to You. Written in the early seventies and first recorded this year, the track is a perfect slice of Springsteen pomp. A soaring Marian Devotional that recasts the Holy Family as prostitutes, saloon proprietors, and cowboys, it’s grandiose, kind of stupid, and perfectly Springsteen.

Cardi B (ft. Megan Thee Stallion) – “WAP” When I first heard it, I was wandering through one of those endless early quarantine days that have all blended together. It made me laugh, and since I’ve listened to it at least 20 times. Really grateful for Cardi B! LYRIC OF THE YEAR 1: “I want you to park that Big Mack Truck right in this little garage”

Colter Wall – “Big Iron” I spent the latter half of the year reading and thinking about American Westerns. This Marty Robbins cover is a delight. Wall has a remarkable voice, deep and tonal. The sparse instrumentation sets the table perfectly for the confrontation between the Arizona Ranger and the dastardly Texas Red.

Dogleg – “Kawasaki Backflip” The virus turned the volume down on everything and stretched it out. It’s a small and personal unfairness I wasn’t able to see this band shred through this spectacular song in some shitty hot venue while drunk on too expensive beer.

Doja Cat (ft. Nicki Minaj) – “Say So” So, this was a TikTok meme, right? I thought TikTok would fill the Vine-sized hole in my life (RIP, Vine, the only good social media); alas, it wasn’t to be, as it seems to be a platform built exclusively to encourage mediocre young white men to be mediocre-er. I digress; this song is fucking great. Built on the Niles Rodgers-esque disco guitar riff, the addition of a typically professional Minaj elevates this from confection to classic.

Dua Lipa – “Levitating” The lyrics are asinine (see: “My sugarboo/I’m levitating/The Milky Way is liberating/Yeah yeah yeah”). Pop music doesn’t have to have lyrics this dumb (see: above Cardi B re: the garage), but alas. It’s a shame, because the rest of this package is so slick, a pop fan’s wet dream of talent, groove, and Top 40 danceability.

Fiona Apple – “Shameika” The word genius is probably thrown around to liberally, but 2020 marked a moment when the culture seemed to coalesce to bestow the honorarium on Apple. And why not? She’s released five albums, all of them at least great. She’s a singular voice, making scabrous, confident, off-putting, kinda fucked up music (who among us didn’t hear her wail, “You raped me in the same bed your daughter was born in” and not, like, gulp and say out loud to no one, “yikes!”). Despite the traumatic subject matter, the songs are a fucking auditory pleasure. When we were all cooped up this year, Apple’s claustrophobia was a balm.

illuminati hotties – “content//bedtime” In 2019, I had the pleasure of seeing IH open for pup at the Old National Center. After their set, I was on my way to the baño¸ and noticed IH front person Sarah Tudzin at the merch table. I approached, expressed my admiration for her work, and inquired as to the release of the next album. The reception was chilly! It turns out that Tudzin was fighting her label, ultimately leading to the release of FREE I.H.: This is Not the One You’ve Been Waiting For, a weird little record made for the express purpose of getting out of her contract. It’s still a good album! And this song is a wacky Oingo Bingo-y banger. LYRIC OF THE YEAR 2: “Woah-oh-oh-oh/No-oh-oh-oh/Pouring a bowl of Illuminati hot-o's.”

Jeff Rosenstock – “***BNB” It took me a minute, but once I released it was a song about a mother secretly renting out her adult daughter’s room as an AIRBNB, I was smitten. It eventually turns into an extremely Rosenstockian loud meditation on the difficulty/anxiety/sadness of travel which is good and kick ass.

Jessie Ware – “Remember Where You Are” It’s fucking annoying as shit that the year disco came back (see: Cat, Doja; Lipa, Dua; Genius, Perfume) that we were all stuck in our fucking houses with our fucking cat who is 85% sweet and 15% annoying and 100% smelly god I love her.

The Killers (ft. k.d. lang) – “Lightning Fields” This is probably not the best song on this album (gotta be “Caution”, right?), but it is the stupidest which probably makes it the most Killers-y track of the year. It was somewhere around uttering the question, “are we human/are we dancer” that the Nevada-based boys decided to start fucking around non-stop. This song carries on that proud tradition. The metaphors are incomprehensible, it sounds kinda like “Like a Prayer” at the end, and has a friggin’ great k.d. lang guest spot. It’s so fucking dumb.

Megan Thee Stallion (ft. Beyoncé) – “Savage Remix” This is basically a Beyoncé (just discovered Word will autocorrect Beyonce to Beyoncé. Good job, Bill Gates) song, and it’s wonderful! That part when she goes from whisper singing to full Beyoncé-voice singing at the three-minute mark? The best!

NOBRO – “Marianna” A perfect rock song. The last minute is the best minute of music in 2020 and it’s like, 40% of the song.

Origami Angel – “24 Hr Delivery/KD MVP” For whatever reason, this emo revival duo released an EP of songs using Minecraft samples. Ostensibly a remake of their 2019 twee-bullshit ode to making your sad friend feel better by taking them out to get fast food, the song segues into a completely baffling yet moving sound collage featuring sad piano, cheese guitar, and Kevin Durant’s tearful NBA MVP speech. I don’t claim to understand it, but the heart wants what it wants. A slam dunk!

Orville Peck – “Fancy” My wife won’t let me listen to this Reba McIntyre cover in the house because it makes her cry every time. We’ve learned a lot about each other this year.

Perfume Genius – “On the Floor” A sumptuous slinker. Plausibly the best song about dancing on your own since Robyn’s classic, “Dancing on My Own,” it’s an emotional powerhouse. Have I sang this song while crying in the shower? No. Would I? You bet! LYRIC OF THE YEAR 3: “I cross out his name on the page!”

Phoebe Bridgers – “Savior Complex (Copycat Killer Version),” “I Know the End” 2020 fucking sucked. I couldn’t go outside. I couldn’t see my pals. I got stuck in my loft for ten days with a COVID scare. My life shrank and it became too easy to doom scroll all the shitty news of mass death, the senseless murder of unarmed black people, riots, curfews, the fucking election, and then the chaser of a bunch of white supremacists trying to overturn a free and fair election because they can’t believe a majority of Americans are tired of being run by a big wet racist moron.

I’m not saying that Bridgers had anything to say this year about The World, but when I felt the worst I put on Punisher. It didn’t make me feel better, but it didn’t make me feel worse. It’s the sadgirl album for the sadgirl year. ALBUM OF THE YEAR: Punisher.

Rilo Kiley – “Teenage Lovesong” Rescued from the scrap heap of history, Rilo Kiley re-released their self-titled debut that was originally only available at their live shows. It’s a precocious record (there’s some, like, turntable scratching on one song???), but it’s astonishing how fully formed Jenny Lewis’s voice is even in 1999. That instrument is on display in this old fashioned twanger, where Lewis shows off the tone, clarity, and range.

Run the Jewels – “ooh la la” Listened to this song very loud in a rental Mustang driving from Joshua Tree to Vegas in January. It was cool.

Sturgill Simpson – “Just Let Go” Ol’ Sturg decided that 2020 was the year to become a bluegrass boy and you’ll hear no complainin’ from Ol’ Johnny. This reworking of his 2014 transcendental ode to the “universal shared consciousness,” becomes a good hearted bluegrass ditty brimming with existential joy.

[ghxstee]

Day one;

The best place to start I suppose, set the scene for my current life. Currently, I live in an apartment with my significant other and my roommate, as well as four cats. It’s a fuckton of cats, I’m not going to lie. However, I’ve learned to love and appreciate each and every one of them. Starting out I should admit that I am partially a crazy cat lady.

I never anticipated on having four cats, it just happened. My boyfriend had two cats and I had two cats. And neither of us were about to give up our babies. For the sake of anonymity, we shall call him Liebe. German for “Love”.

Anyways, our relationship started out rough. I was in the tail end of a relationship I had no desire to be in, but struggled to admit to myself when I met Liebe. I had seen him around the place that we worked often. All the time actually. I couldn’t help but notice as I felt an instintaneous attraction that I can only explain as love at first sight. As lame as that sounds, I truly do believe it and admittedly one part of me eats shit like that up and the other part of me is extremely skeptical. But I think that’s due to my own jaded perception of love after the first handful of relationships I had gone through.

I saw Liebe around work, and for the sake of the story let’s say we worked at a Sadness Factory. Everything about that job made me feel quite hopeless.

Liebe was always around the Sadness Factory it seemed pretty similarly to the same schedule I happened to be there. I would see him regularly and the days I didn’t, I noticed. However, a part of me felt truly guilty as I found him to be completely stunning and felt an unnatural draw to him the moment I saw him, all the while being in a relationship. We will refer to my ex as, Control. And as I continue to explain my story, you will understand why.

I never confronted Liebe when I would see him. To be honest, I was really unsure of how to act because I had never faced an attraction like the one I had to him. The entire situation seemed terrifying and like the perfect opportunity to make myself look like a complete fool.

And holy shit, let me tell you how right I was about that.

Besides, I was in a relationship already and I felt whatever form of relationship that blossomed between Liebe and I, would be inappropriate and disrespectful to the one I was currently in.

One day after work, being the perfect little worker bee I am, I went up to my bosses desk to check on how well I was performing at the Sadness Factory. I needed to make sure I was keeping my job happy, even if it wasn’t really keeping me happy.

My former boss and I were also particularly close and she was a wonderful human, and sitting and talking with her was always a pleasure. So I sat at her desk and shot the shit for a bit, before Liebe showed up at her desk. My internal panic set in.

I was faced with this situation where this guy I already had some inappropriate draw to was standing right in front of me. He discussed a few things with my former overlord and she got up to leave shortly after. Leaving me. With Liebe. Alone to make awkward conversation, that I was absolutely terrified of initiating in the first place based off the mere fact the situation at hand was completely foreign territory for me.

He was sweet, quiet, slightly reserved, and shy. Admittedly it was really hard to just try and act natural. Although those words became my mantra in the first five seconds of being presented with this situation.

Act natural. Act natural. Act natural.

And then the words and concept became foreign to me all in one breath. I was faced with this absolute cutie, hazel eyes. Thick rimmed glasses, a full beard. A few inches taller than me, standing at 5’9. High cheek bones, narrow nose, and three facial piercings. A face I truly wanted to spend hours studying, wondering if I would ever catch a flaw in it. A full sleeve, and his other arm being slightly lesser full of tattoos. In my frenzy of being overwhelmed by how taken I was by this stranger, I lost my mind completely. My brain was running in circles trying to make conversation. In my panic, I brought up the easiest possible thing to discuss. Tattoos! His tattoos! The saving grace to my conversation.

Nope. I was wrong. Terribly wrong.

In my panicked state, I reached down and grabbed his arm and exclaimed “Ooh tattoos!” Like a very observant five year old. That’s when the party really started and the real panic set in.

A quick piece of background, but I am very big on personal space. Particularly touching without consent. As a lot of my trauma is derived from being touched inappropriately, without my consent.

My eyes expanded to the size of plates, and my heart beat picked up rapidly.

“I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to just touch you. I don’t know what came over me. I don’t typically invade someone’s space like that. Especially just because of tattoos because I know how annoying that is. I’m so sorry.”

Oh. I fucked this up for sure. Breaking into someone’s personal space like I had the right within five minutes of meeting them. And then the classic panic sorry. I was super fucked for sure. This guy probably thought I was weird, and there was 100% no way he was interested in me at that point.

He reassured me I was fine, and he was gentle and kind about it. I remember the small smile he gave me, and I remember how I still felt awkward and silly but I could tell that he truly wasn’t bothered. Which put me at a little more ease.

I still continued to make a fool out of myself throughout the rest of the conversation I’m sure, but I don’t really remember the rest of it. I remember pointing out my boyfriend who also worked at the Sadness Factory as to not give the wrong impression. To keep myself out of trouble and to avoid a potential fight later that evening with a Control. I was mostly stuck on the awkward interaction and the fact I completely blew any form of this guy thinking I was even remotely cool.

Which in itself felt problematic again, considering I was already in a relationship. So it shouldn’t have mattered that much.

It also shouldn’t have given me butterflies in my stomach when I received the friend request on Facebook shortly after.

Anyways, the main point of this post tonight is that I often end up upset with my significant other. Liebe gets on my nerves sometimes, not because he’s a bad guy. Not because he treats me poorly. Mostly due to my own extremely unreasonable expectations of the poor man. Tonight’s no exception. And lately it’s been more difficult to find the minimal patience I had to begin with, which is also no fault of Liebe’s.

Sometimes it just helps to remember those details of our relationship, and then think to where we are now. Things have gone so far and the beginning was so hard. And I will continue to disclose the details of our relationship throughout all of this, and how it’s continued. How it’s helped me grow. How I’ve watched him grow. How incredibly proud I am of this person. But nights like these I remember back to the beginning. I recap the entirety of our relationship, and I remind myself I am fortunate. Because I am. I’m a pain in the ass and this guy sticks through it all with me and helps me figure it out.

He apologizes. He works on himself. He compromises. He supports me. And most importantly I know he loves me at the end of the day. And if I were left with one person by my side, I know it would be him.

[coal-the-shiba]

Life in Japan with a Dog

Hi everyone.  After some thinking, I decided I wanted to share some of my experiences about raising a dog in Japan.  Since I am from the Evergreen State, it was a real culture shock for me and it sometimes gives me a lot of stress to try and navigate the compromises that I have had to make--especially in dealing with the older, postwar generation (my mother and father-in-law).  I love my in-laws dearly, but this has been a tough one for me.

The first thing I learned about dogs in Japan, especially in an older neighborhood, is that dogs that are medium to large (so this means Shiba) are usually living outside 100% of the time, usually tied up to their dog house because Japanese yards are pretty small.  Also, Japan has TONS of wild/stray cats running around, plus I have seen weasels and other unnameables that I know carry all sorts of nasty stuff.  Small dogs like minis and toys are generally allowed inside, and pet cats are becoming more and more indoor pets, though many people still let them roam outside, unaware of the dangers.

I did get lucky in that, since we have no fence and I have students coming and going outside (including young children) I won the right to keep Coal inside.  HOWEVER, that came with the stipulation that he stays in his pen :(  This has been a huge heartbreak for me, as free-running dogs are kind of my childhood.

  I get to take him out sometimes,  but since there is this weird hygiene culture, I have to make sure to clean up his hair afterwards.  I can also let him run around in the upstairs office *sometimes* but not often.  On the plus side, Japan is getting super big on the pet dog culture.  Dog runs are starting to crop up everywhere, and there are a lot of dog-friendly hotels that we can go to as well as pet-friendly shops and cafes.  We just have to get him there (living in an isolated community has not helped.  Lots of residential houses and factories, but most amenities are at least a 20+ minute drive)  Even though Coal has proven time and time again at various hotels that he does not chew on stuff, won't table surf, and doesn't snatch our food--he still doesn't get the amount of freedom I want to give him.  My husband has indicated that after his parents pass away (hopefully not for a long time, but they are both almost 80) I can give him more freedom.

The other struggle I have had is in interactions with him--basically training and discipline.  To make a long story short, the looks I got when I mentioned training were pretty hilarious.  Why do you need to *train*?  Our first and only dog, Jirou, was perfectly well behaved and didn't need to be trained.  Of course, getting him to sit wasn't going to happen XD  But apparently, their only dog from twenty years ago was one of those perfect, never bites nor shows aggression Shiba.  Good breeder choice, I guess.  Well, the looks on their faces when I made it very clear that no striking was allowed was even funnier.  While my in-laws thought I was crazy, everyone agreed to this rule and the rule of not giving him food or treats without requesting a cue of some kind.

I think the whole no-hitting thing was the weirdest thing for my in-laws.  Even my husband struggled with it because their idea of discipline was to swat the dog on the behind, nose, or kick or whatever, if the dog was being unacceptably bad.  My husband has shared stories with me that made me cringe--but he admits that now he realizes how badly they treated their first dog, and he regrets it (though he can't understand why we are having some of the troubles we have had with Coal lol)

The thing in Japan is that pets are still technically things--property.  More and more of the younger generation are starting to latch on to the feeling of pets as actual family, but it is still a little different because of some of the cultural stigmas.  Even though we use kibble and dried treats, it is practically mandatory to use a separate sponge and not was the dog dishes/treat containers while there are human dishes in the sink.  Don't greet the dog first, greet humans first (though my husband has been guilty of this a few times :) )  Wash your hands after EVERY SINGLE interaction, even if you only scratched him on the neck...and he is an indoor dog who doesn't roll around in stuff.  Originally, my husband wanted to shower him every week!  I got him down to the minimum of twice weekly, and now it looks like we may go down to once a month due to not wanting to scratch up the new bathing rooms floor.   Winter will probably be less if we decide to wash him outside, since I can't do that in winter.

It has been a roller coaster of emotions with me constantly attempting to find a balance to prevent any bad blood between Coal, me, and my in-laws.  I have found it best to not really force things, but to gradually and slowly introduce certain concepts--especially about freedom.  For example, if I take him outside of the pen with the family in the living room, I keep him on leash.  Given the size of our living room and everyone sitting in there, this is as much to give them a sense of security as it is to prevent him from zoomies all over them--and to get his zoomies out he would HAVE to jump on them, as there is no room for him to run haha.

The family does absolutely adore him, constantly interacting, loving, giving treats and laughing at his crazy antiques.  I wish they could see how much more fun he would be if he had a bit more freedom, but I am not sure I can win that fight.  They are all JUST beginning to understand that each dog is an individual, too.

Coal is very lucky, though.  I have walked around the neighborhood and found pretty much all the Shiba's I met sitting patiently outside their little houses.  I find that so very sad.  Right now, with Coal upstairs, everyone in the family misses him.  They say it is not as bright when they can't see him and actually make an effort to go upstairs or to meet him at the door before and/or after walks.  His pen will be a little smaller after remodeling is finished...but I still can't get them to change their minds.  I will just have to keep chipping away at it slowly.

And to put it into even more perspective--when we went to the one positive-reinforcer traininer/behaviorist/vet person, he actually APOLOGIZED to me for the Japanese culture with dogs.  He was really surprised about what I knew and understood for training and kept telling my husband to listen to me lol. Anyway, one of the reasons I haven't shared many photos is because of a

bit of shame at the situation--with the remodeling, we haven't been able to take him anywhere ( we were late on his shots, so that didn't help).  Since his pen is his place, I have made sure that all the best things--from training to play to feeding to attention--happen in there the majority of the time.  There are some issues that seem to be a more intrinsic issue because no matter what external factors we manipulate, we can not correct/counter condition/desensitize--but there are a couple of training attempts we can not do because they require a level of space that generally doesn't exist in Japanese houses (over 50 feet is just not feasible---we can barely do 10!)  But it is only two issues (maybe one as they seem similar) and we have found how to effectively manage them, so that is enough for now.

When I compare his life to other Shiba I have met, I think he is very very lucky.  I shouldn't feel shame because I am doing the best I can in the situation.  The house belongs to his parents, too, so that means it is kind of amazing at the things I have been able to do so far.  There is still a stigma about Shiba as being unintelligent/stubborn/untrainable, etc--all of which I have pretty much disproven with Coal.  I have managed to prove to my husband that yes, positive reinforcement and desensitization works as long as it is consistent, so that is another bonus.  Maybe time will tell.

Thanks for listening to my story. It is kind of a rant, an explanation, an apology, and a bit of venting.  Different cultures can really open your eyes to many things.

[changhomin-hatsukoi]

Malec Moments 2x19

cr: Ocearielle

....omg..lol..

Seriously, #malec is totally going through the typical young couple arguing and now one of them is sulking and the other is trying desperately to get his bae to listen and forgives (and let him back into the bedroom) him already.

The the one sulking is hurting so bad and tbh he wants nothing more than to just run back to his bae’s arms but was too stubborn to admit that and now is making all kinds of extreme radical decisions just to show as if he doesn’t care (but actually wants bae to come and don’t let him go again)

Admittedly this is on a larger scale as their decisions will literally affect few thousand lives at least~

but when it comes down to it, these two are totally the too-stupidly-in-love-with-each-other couple that is having their first serious fight and now both doesn’t know what to do and being all dramatic like the world is ending (which ironically, exactly what WILL happen if they keep on being stubborn and don’t make up soon ^^;;)

Alec honey, I’m all for you being a gentleman and great boyfriend and spoiling Magnus to pieces~

But.. time’s running out, sweetie (no, seriously~ next week is the FINALE and the entire fandom is about to have heart attack simultaneously) so we need you to stop coddling him and grab your bae and just kiss all his arguments out of him already~

And you, Magnus Bane.. 

I love you, i really do.. but God~ you’re a teenage drama queen (atm). Now shut up and PUT DOWN THAT DRINK, mister! and face your problem like a mature adult 

(Catarina: that actually might be asking too much of him. Right, Ragnor~?

Spirit!Ragnor: That boy needs BOTH his ears pulled, that’s what. If only I was there.. Cat, how could you let this happened? I told you to keep an eye on him..

Catarina: Do I look like his keeper? ‘Sides, I thought Dot was around.. This century was her turn to keep Magnus out of trouble. Where is she anyway? I haven..

Spirit!Ragnor: Ah..oh yeah.. ‘bout that..uh..

Spirit!Dot popped in: Hey guys, sorry~ *gestured to her barely visible self cheerfully* Kinda took the wrong turn and next thing i knew, i’ was at the Afterlife and Ragnor was poking me to wake up..

Catarina/Magnus:..... oh..)

Madzie’s lisped ‘Ma~gnuss’ is the sweetest cutest thing ever! She’s still such a smol baby bean~ 

Seeing how she totally so very comfortable running into his arms, it seems that Magnus meets with her often . Omg~ if she starts calling him Daddy/Papa, I bet Magnus (and I) will actually burst into tears.. 

- Okay, I’m NOT angry at Alec nor Magnus.

- And for those who are angry at any of them, consider this: WE know what’s going on as we can watch BOTH sides of the story. So we understand WHY and reasons behind what happened.. we even could predict how it’ll end up (coz we read the books and/or we are just that much of awesome fans). 

THEY however DON’T.

So whatever decisions Magnus and Alec is making now was purely based on the knowledge they have at THAT time. 

There IS no reason for the Downworlders to trust the Shadowhunters. The Clave HAD failed the Downworlders again and again and never paid, let alone admit to their faults. The Shadowhunters HAD been treating the Downworlders as lesser beings. 

So by all means and purpose, WHY wouldn’t Downworlders band together to keep themselves safe? It’s logical for them not to trust The Clave anymore.. 

- Those who keep saying ‘Magnus was being mean..’ ‘Poor my baby Alec..’ ‘Why Magnus was being cold’ ‘This is not Magnus’

...No~.. This IS Magnus. This is Magnus if he never fell in love with a Shadowhunter. The Magnus whose only responsibility is, as far as he is concerned, is just to do what’s best for his people (again with what limited knowledge he has of the situation). This is the Magnus who is pushing aside ALL his feelings and attachments that he feels will affect his decision. 

- saying that HOWEVER, Magnus greatest strength and weakness is that he feels so deeply. There is NO way he could make any decision purely based on logic and cold calculations. Whether he is 30 years old or 100 years old or 800 years old, it doesn’t matter. 

He fell in love so wholeheartedly. 

He trusts so wholeheartedly.

So is it any wonder that when he hurts, he hurts just as wholeheartedly as well?

That was why Camille left him. She didn’t understand why Magnus cares so much. 

They’re IMMORTALS. At most, all they should care about are just of their own people and where’s the next place to have fun and conquer. 

- So yes, this Magnus is really the in-love!heartbroken!Magnus who is trying to be the cold!uncaring!Magnus and make well thought logical right decisions for his people but instead ended up being the heartbroken!acted-out-the-only-way-he-knows!still-so-much-in-love!Magnus who made decisions with his mind clouded with grief and his (conscious or subconscious) desperate need to distance his heart. 

- I~ gotta say though.. I like that Magnus is sulking and acting out. Preferably when they’re not literally at the brink of war, yes. BUT~ i like that this showed just how... relatable and normal and... human he is. 

Most keep going on and on how Magnus is this all powerful ancient cool can-do-no-wrong’ perfect warlock who is all knowing and matured.. 

He IS powerful and cool.. 

but he is also not above: being sulky when he didn’t get his way, stomped off in dramatic fashion, cheat his way to make his bae pay more attention to him (firecall so Alec comes running sounds familiar to anyone?), pouts and acted sad when bae is winning a game against him (pool scene~) and make bae purposely threw his own game~ ^^;;;

I like that he is still pure enough to have all those quirks and flaws, to still be childish enough to let his emotions gets the best of him.

It makes him even more adorable.. 

But of course~ like i said: this could all happen at better time. Like any time that they don’t have psycho father-son duo coming after them, for one~ ^^;;;

“Now listen: I’m in love with you, you stupid stubborn warlock. Yes, stupid! Breaking the Accords, really? Really, Magnus? You know as well as I do that while Seelies can’t lie, they can and WILL manipulate you to their will.

I made mistakes, yes. Then punish me. Punish ME.

Don’t make stupid rash decision that will harm you, not to mentioned, your people because you’re angry at me.

Nope. Nu-uh.. you are not allowed to speak. Nope. Just sit there and look pretty.

We can kick each other’s ass after this is all over.

For now though. you’re not leaving my side.”  

- headcanon!Alec Lightwood to his stubborn!bae, Magnus Bane

....look at Magnus~~~ this lil shit was being all sulky and ‘lalala~ i don’t know you~’ silent treatment...lol..

Oh Alec, i feel for you. I really do~... 

You scored the prettiest bae and also the most handful.. ^^;;;

I~.. actually love their back and forth passive-aggressive glances. God, they’re just so perfect together! XD

(Alec just not backing off is so hot.. and real)

cr: svetana

Take note: 

this is ALEC LIGHTWOOD we’re seeing here. The Alec ‘fun?what is that? there is only duty and pain’ Lightwood that was smiling and all happy faces with his bae.. 

The entire NY institute (including his own parabatai and sister) will have a heart attack if they see these pics...lol

(LOOK AT THE LAST PIC!! TOO CUTE!!! XD)

Magnus, darling~... he loves you. he loves you so so so much.

Don’t judge and punish him because you were hurt in the past~..

....Of course, if it turns out he is a double agent or whatever like fans’ theory, then~

[nerdyfoodandbeercollector-blog]

Depression Series: At least it was for nachos (part 2)

A fair warning is probably needed, I suppose: This post is not and has nothing to do with feer and bood (or beer and food, for that matter). This is a multi-part series I decided to write about living with my depression. Super uplifting stuff (but seriously give it a shot, you might learn something). I guess this second part is about friends. 

On my drive home from the taproom where I worked a shift after my regular day job, I decided I had no desire to cook dinner. For one, there wasn’t anything ready to be cooked, but also I didn’t want to eat any leftovers and sacrifice a meal that would be perfect for tomorrow. So I decided to spend money because of course, that’s what we do, isn’t it? And of course, nothing sounded better than grub from a local taqueria I have fallen head over heels for. 

After calling my wife to tell her (ask if it is a good idea) to get some tacos for dinner, I pull into the parking lot. As I walk in, a man from the neighborhood walks up to me and asks me for some money so he can buy some dinner. The man appeared to be homeless and ill-equipped for the winter weather we were starting to have. Feeling slightly upbeat, I tell him that while I don’t have any cash (and I didn’t), I would be happy to buy him a taco. I’ve done this in the past, I feel like it gets to the heart of the issue with some panhandlers: either they just want your money or they really do want the things they are asking for. In this case, the man wanted the food and he definitely did look hungry to me-- He graciously accepted the taco offer. 

We went into the restaurant together and after an awkward encounter with a patron leaving the place, he looked over the menu and noticed there were other offerings than just tacos. He soon began asking me to buy additional items to which I responded that he pick just one. “Chicken nachos then,” he said, and this was a good choice, I thought, for who doesn’t like nachos? 

After he ordered, the man started to walk around and see who else he could get change from. This was odd, seeing as I had already purchased him dinner, and I could tell the servers were annoyed when he scolded customers that didn’t bus their trays. Finally, he found the drink cooler and after picking some orange soda, he asked the servers behind the counter if he could have it. “$1.08″ they said to his disliking. After a few minutes of him trying to barter with them, he turned to me to see if I would buy it for him. 

“I already paid,” I said. “And I don’t have any cash. Still. Sorry, man.” 

His nachos were ready, a heaping pile of chips and cheese with chicken and beans. You can’t go wrong (well, maybe about the beans. I mean, why does everything have to have beans?). 

The man then slowly started to put the orange soda in his jacket, as if to steal it. The server kept telling him “$1.08″ but it only made him more frustrated. 

Then the man stopped, sighed, and reached into his pocket and pulled out a few loose dollars ... 

... And a crisp $100 dollar bill. 

The servers behind the counter were madder than I was. Honestly, at that point, I just wanted my food to take home and watch The Good Place. I actually found it, at the time, a little funny. I mean, here was this guy that looked homeless (or at least poor) asking me for tacos when he had more cash on him than I’d had in weeks. The servers yelled at him for making me pay for his food, they knew what was up. 

The man put $1.10 on the counter, grabbed his food, and then turned for the exit, but not before telling me “Yo I got you, man.” What does that mean here in this case? That he’s going to pay me back in tacos, that he was going to break that $100 and give me cash for the nachos? That he was grateful? Was that his way of saying thank you? 

He never did actually say thank you. 

I drove home and was still finding the whole situation a little funny when suddenly my laughing became more nervous and suddenly I was anxious about how I feel about humanity as a whole. And then I was in yet another funk. Don’t worry, the tacos and torta I got helped, but I couldn’t help think about how I treat people and how I want to be treated and then how am I actually treated. 

See, my therapist, let’s call her Deloris (because why the fuck not?), thinks I am a bit of an empath. And yet, at the same time, she thinks I have no desire to treat myself with empathy or to try and get better. I try to be nice to everyone around me and I constantly want to please everyone (and people always tell me that I can’t please everyone but then I try it anyways and sometimes it works but what they don’t tell you is that usually the person you don’t ever please is yourself, at least if you do it that way). If you look at my various jobs over the years, they’ve been in areas to help people. Service industry jobs are serving and helping people. At Best Buy, I was supporting stores to ensure no customer went “unserved.” Technical writers write up steps so you don’t misuse a tractor, causing it to blow up (that is, of course, if I wrote tractor manuals). I’m always there offering a smile, a hug, even a meal (like the nachos here or a homecooked meal for a friend). I love hosting. I offer up all my beer and vices to anyone that will join me because I’m just a friendly guy. 

Or so I thought! Dramatic! 

Recently, let’s say the last few years, I’ve felt that I have a really hard time making new friends. I’m almost immediately in my own head, thinking of ways to sabotage the conversation, the moment, the encounter so that I don’t have to talk to anyone anymore. Why is that? I like talking to people, don’t I? And then I listen to them talk about a trip or a new job or a new house or a better life and I know I should be happy for them, but then all I want to do is bury myself alive. It isn’t even logical, sometimes whatever I’m jealous about isn’t even something I care about or am interested in, yet I just can’t stop, and I know it makes no sense, has no rhyme or reason, but I can’t shake the feeling that I just can’t be happy for others. And that prevents me from wanting to be their friend, or even truly being friendly. 

But then I think, wait, I feel these things before I hear about the new job, the trip, the new cat. My anxiety starts going well before any of that, fuck, it starts when I enter a room and don’t light it up. Something stops me from wanting to make friends before my depression and anxiety can step in and make me feel awful about myself and for myself when I hear about all things I can’t do or couldn’t do or don’t do or haven’t done. Odds are, it’s still my depression and anxiety. It’s a weird double-edged sword, cycle thing: I have the tools to see others suffering and to try and help them through it, and I want to do that because it is one of the ways I feel validated, but I have no desire to help myself, which makes me sad so I continue to slip down, which then makes me see how others don’t treat me, how the world really is, which makes me not want to be nice or use those tools to help others. If I meet their lack of kindness with kindness, then it will only make me sad because I’m not being treated how I want to be treated, and if I stoop to their level and treat ugliness with ugliness, then I am doomed to feel worse and feel ugly for not being who I really want to be. Either way, I’m fucked. 

Lately, with this whole introspective analysis on my depression and trying to open up in the hopes of self-discovery, I’ve had this train of thought. Who knows if it’s right or not but... The thing is, I've had a hard time knowing where my depression ends and I begin. I don't really know who I am anymore because for so long I've been trying not to face something that's so very much a part of me and I can’t separate the two. How can I be friends with someone if I don’t even know who I really am? 

The last few months, I've been trying to change (like I said, self-discovery). I've been talking and listening and learning and opening up to the idea that I don't deserve this, that I shouldn't be this sad, that there's more to this life than feeling crushed by a wave of emotion (and I can't swim)... And then there's that voice again, telling me to hate myself. And we start over. The thing is, the important thing to keep in mind is, I am constantly just self-criticizing myself. There’s always something I am doing wrong. But that means I am constantly trying to do more, trying to do better, striving to be better. I have high expectations of myself. I guess I don’t know what I can do to make people actually care about others. Have their own empathy. Like, when I ask nicely for you to move so I can get off the bus and you decide this is somehow my fault and that you standing there is more important than letting me off the bus, how do I meet that with kindness? 

And so, what if this time, I am actually protecting myself? What if I have been so sick and tired of being nice for so long and not getting kindness in return that I am trying to tell myself to be an ass because, well, that’s what you’re going to be to me. What if the reason I don’t help people anymore is that they don’t help me? What if I am getting colder and colder because that’s what I am exposed to? From the people on the bus that decide not to move out of the way to let me off to the guy cutting me off on the highway to the co-worker that doesn’t hold the elevator all the way to the people in Charlottesville rioting on hate to the president of these United States who has admitted to sexually assaulting women to the Harvey Weinstein’s of the world. Are these good people? Are they worth my kindness, my empathy? Or do I just have high expectations for these people, higher expectations than they can actually live up to because they are the expectations in my mind? 

And is any of this rationale, even? Or just more of my depression and anxiety? I’ve often tried to live with the general rule that all human beings deserve respect for the sole reason that they are human beings. Kindness, caring, equity, empathy. All because we are more alike than we are different because we are made of stars. We’re all stardust.  

The truth is, even if it is actually the case, that I protect myself by being mean deep down so I can’t be hurt when I am disappointed, that isn’t a way to live. I don’t want to be that way. I need community. And the bitter truth is, my community is always going to change as people come and go. It’s better to keep it growing rather than tear it down. 

What does this have to do with nachos, John? Well, it would be easy for me to just give up, especially after getting “cheated” by someone pretending to be in need. It would be easy to give up on those that need our help, to use this as an example to give up on humanity. And to use this as another reason to not be friendly, or to be cold to the world. But I just can’t do that and expect to get anywhere. I need to fight as much as I am able this idea that it is me against the world, that I have a chip on my shoulder and everyone’s to blame. Recognizing it, talking about it... that’s half the battle, indeed. 

It’s hard, though. A part of me wants to use my anger that people aren’t nicer as a reason to be nasty, too, fight ugly with ugly. Hell, a part of me has probably already accepted that that's the way to be. But there’s still a voice inside of me that’s laughing and saying, Hey, at least they were nachos.