"butterflies in my stomach" is too lame and overused I prefer "caterpillars in my esophagus" it creates a beautifully horrifying image of cute little larvae crawling down your food pipe then boom metamorphosis and now you have pretty little butterflies fluttering in your stomach 🎀
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you were born doomed
you dont remember when it started. but now, there is a void. its missing pieces of yourself and holes in your thoughts. its a hole in your heart and in everything about you. its a need for something that does not leave your side. you go to school. you go to work. you are ugly, so you try to be pretty. you're never pretty enough. you try to fill the void. with substance or material objects or art . you work all the time or quit your job or buy a big house or adopt a pet or have a baby. you have a beautiful and relationship or a toxic one or none at all. you sleep as much as you need or don't sleep at all. you binge eat or starve. you have rough sex with someone who doesn't like you. you hate someone and want them to like you. you hurt people, be kind to them, make as many connections as possible or completely isolate yourself. you spend your paycheck online within an hour or save for years. you combine as many of these as possible. but it is not enough. you are yearning and wishing and reaching for something more. it will not come. you will not find it. maybe your body grew but something else did not grow, so there is empty space within you.
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yeah no sorry i'm going to disappear. yeah it's gonna be an all day forever thing sorry. yeah no there's a big fog i'm running towards. it's going to swallow me whole. sorry.
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