#just had the sudden realization that im just destined to be alone

[iridescent-beings]

how am i supposed to expect or demand people to care for me when i can’t even do the same in return

[wkasaiu]

WAKASA IMAUSHI : shopping, darling.

WAKASA and you were on a date, matching earrings, shoes and basically themes. Both of you were wearing purple shaded clothes, whether it be your tucked in silk shirt or your fluffy lilac shoes to his big dark purple jacket and his purple hat it clearly gives away “were taken by each other” vibes.

Soon both of you reached your destination, a festival park you’ve had your eyes on ever since it has opened. There were various foods and eye-catching accessories scattered around the big area. You dragged him along each and every stall, your hands ending up pretty full from the keychains and phonecases, pins, hats, socks basically every cute pastel colored thing you caught your eyes on, you got.

And who was Wakasa to refuse? Surely he didn’t pay for everything knowing how much of a brat you were, but seeing how the money in your wallet lessened quickly, it upsets him honestly. He wasn’t someone to talk about it though, he hands you money and at first you stare at him in confusion, but then you realized he wanted to pay for the item.

It went over for the next five stalls until you decided to keep the price tag away so he won’t get to peak on it and pay, and so, you silently bought it. “Why’re ya hiding it from me, i wanna see what y’re buying, darling” Wakasa chuckled, eyebrow raised in confusion with your sudden action.

“I dont want you paying for everything kasa, your presence alone is enough” You chuckled lightly as he scratched the back of his neck, showing that he was indeed flustered.

“Hmm okay then, whatever y’want” In the end he agreed anyways, he’ll just fill up your wallet while your fast asleep on the bed from the exhaustion of roaming around the whole park for hours.

|

little side story: after you got home you did sleep right after falling into bed, giving him the chance to slip in a few thousands into it, its as if you never spent on yourself either way.

shinichiro called at that night, asking wakasa for some cash and he only replied with “im broke” after giving you all his cash, not like he doesnt have more in his bank account though.

@wkasaiu, 2023. | like and reblog if you loved it !!

[swampgallows]

.

realizing i am not a good person and a lot of my love and abilities have been eroded away while isolated and rotting. like i knew it was happening of course but im being hit with the weight of it all of a sudden of everything the last decade of misery has taken from me. i went back in my journal entries ten entire years and saw over and over me saying that i was miserable and felt horrible and i have people in my life that told me even before then that i “always seemed so miserable”. i do not know why it is so hard for me to hold onto love or to feel it or appreciate it and why i always feel constantly unsafe and never good enough, and now i am full of so much anger and resentment that i know i dont want to have, but i also feel like i have to start from square one again to figure out how to change things or what direction to move in and how i could ever possibly practice compassion let alone for myself when i feel so completely empty. i know i have the rest of my life to change who i am and to work on this but i have felt so terribly alone and so consistently trapped for so much of my life that the idea of having to do all of this by myself for the rest of my life just makes me want to give up. i am so tired of feeling constantly alone and separate from everything. everyone else has always been tapped into this wavelength that i am not on and not part of and i have noticed it forever that i have always been outside of life or a little to the left or my lines dont match my colors or whatever other metaphor but ive never known how to fix it or feel accepted or complete or part of anything. 

there’s a sample in a freeform track “leon AZ1465″ of an alcatraz inmate of the same name (hence the az), leon whitey thompson, where he says “everything was moving too fast, and i didn’t know how to move with it. and i remember how envious i was of these people because they all had a destination. they were all going someplace and i didn’t know where i was going. and i was scared to death.” they mightve taken the sample from an alcatraz documentary. even he turned his life around. not sure how, guess ill read his book and find out. i dont know how someone gets from "a man of total hatred... for anything that walked or crawled on this earth” to where he ended up

[dr4kenlvr]

liar

pairing: izana kurokawa x gn!reader

genre: angst

request: hii could you do a izana oneshot when he realizes his s/o is in toman? thank you so much!!

a/n: hey anon! i made this piece angsty, since it wasn't specified and that was the vibe i got from this plot, hope that's alright by you <3 + izana and reader are not in a fully established relationship due to the plot, i also got carried away asdfgsdjf

warnings: spoilers from tokyo rev - tenjiku arc manga, angst, reader has feelings but can't pursue them, izana gets used, izana cries, i cry while writing this, etc LMAO.

not once had izana thought he had somebody. a somebody to himself, a somebody to call his, a somebody to care and love for. a somebody that he thought he could rule the world with. izana lived a wretched life brimmed with the mindset that he was alone forever.

the day kakucho had introduced you to him, he felt indifferent. to kakucho, you were a friend, someone he had gotten along with well in school. to izana, you were just another pawn he planned on using to reach the top. a piece of his plan he could easily remove and throw away when needed.

to you, izana was a mystery. a charming man covered in an invisible cloak of secrets and confidence. he practically oozed ambition, and it was your job to unveil him.

you were an addition to toman, a fact that was unbeknownst to kakucho. it had been discussed and concluded that you were to be toman's spy within tenjiku's premises. you needed information. solid, ground information that would make a swift victory for toman in the future. it was simple really, you were one of toman's finest minds. everyone agreed it'd had to be you to do the job. the plan was to persuade kakucho to introduce you to his friends, infiltrate tenjiku, become associates with izana and help toman bring them down. simple— right?

who would've known that what occured between izana and you, couldn't be labelled as pure associates.

you and izana had grown quite close, despite only have met. you had to admit, it did take a generous amount of time to get him to open up to you. but when he did, you were instantly hooked. something about izana caught your attention. he was extremely attentive and intelligent and it resulted in your admiration for the way he led his gang. you couldn't help but compare him to mikey. mikey, toman. you remembered your job, and why you were really here.

it had been a few weeks now, fortunately no one had suspected you of anyone else other than tenjiku's new lackey. however unfortunately, your time here was about to end.

the sun was setting lowly upon the horizon, splashes of orange and pink painted the water below your dangling feet. next to you sat izana, shoulder to shoulder. he didn't know what possessed him to sit so closely, but he was compelled to. quite often the two of you would be found sitting together, either enjoying one another's company or chatting up a small conversation. kakucho liked to tease izana of his fasination with you, saying 'it's rare for you to be so involved with others'. this time, no one had said anything. izana felt the silence between the two of you was relatively comforting.

lately, izana has been feeling different. he couldn't quite pinpoint what it was, but something felt different. was it the way his palms got sweaty when you looked at him? or the way he had to muster up some sense of courage just to talk to you? he didn't know. it was odd, but he liked it. izana took a deep breathe, relishing in whatever this feeling was. he noticed you do the same. he smiled, were you feeling what he was?

exhaling gently, you opened your eyes to the sky above you. the silence was nice, but the sunken pulls on your heart felt otherwise. infiltrating tenjiku was fairly easy, gaining the trust of the top executives proved to be a challenge, but you managed. hell, now you were even sitting next to their leader. the bond between you and izana grew into something much more than you primarily presumed. there were feelings blossoming inside you that should never have sprouted. there were emotions you felt for izana that should never have been perceived. you were toman's ally, not tenjiku's.

then why did it hurt so god damn much whenever izana smiled at you?

you decided something before asking izana to meet you here. since you had gained enough information about the group and izana himself, there was no need for you to stay, and toman needed you back.

"izana." you started.

"hm? what is it?" he responded, violet eyes peering over to you with interest. he wondered what you were gonna tell him, he felt his chest swell with anxiety. nonetheless, he kept a nonchalant face at your hesitation. calm and collected as always.

"i wanted to be the one to let you know," you gulped, "that im apart of toman." you paused, feeling your throat clog up. "im not on your side. and i was sent here to collect data on you and the gang. now that i've got it, i'm no longer needed here." you confessed. your heart refused, but you knew that this is what you had to do.

izana sat still. he didn't respond. he couldn't respond. what was he supposed to say? you.. were apart of toman? as in, mikey's group? and you were a spy for them? izana was bemsued, he opened his mouth to say something, anything, but nothing came out. he felt his eyes water. you hadn't even looked him in the eyes yet, couldn't you at least do that?

you sighed, taking another deep breathe. you turn to him, "it's ti-."

"how could you?!" izana yelled, fumbling up to his feet. you were taken aback by his sudden outburst, then you felt your heart clench at the sight. tears streamed down izana's face, leaving marked evidence of the sadness he felt. "i-i trusted you! you were someone i considered a friend! s-someone who i thought would want me back! and now you go and leave me like i'm nothing but a piece of fucking trash!" he screamed, words fumbling out to no end now. his violet eyes now harsh and rigid at your form below him. the wind howled and clamoured against your bodies.

"you're telling me you used me this entire time? you're.. you're nothing but a liar! a god damned liar!" izana's words screeched at your ears. he panted, harder and harder until it felt like his lungs were going to give out on him. how was it that another person is leaving him? another person doesn't want him back?

you stayed silent. izana sobbed at the look on your face- you're like a stranger to him now. was he always one to you? it's evident you're not looking at him with the same kindness you did before. was it all feigned pity and compassion? he sniffled, before gesturing you to go. "leave y/n. i don't ever want to see you again."

you stand up quietly. the wind roaringly blows past and between you and him one more, before you turn your back against him. your chest aches with pain when you look ahead. you can still hear izana's ragged inhales as you take your first few steps away from him.

"i'm sorry, izana. goodbye."

izana watched as the gap between you and him grew bigger. the view of your back became smaller and smaller as you walked away from his shaking form. a part of him wanted you to turn back once more, to acknowledge him as a person just once more. but you never did.

it was then izana knew, that he was destined to be alone.

[shlutnutt]

Tag

in honor of kit's birthday, why not a quick little kit smut?

starts off as a little fluff lol

warnings: smut, penetration, fingering, oral sex, just regular smut

song insp: courtship dating and affection both by crystal castles

ight so boom.

"Come on! Slow down flash." Kit yells from the other side of the asylum caf trying his best to catch up to your incredible speed. Kit and you were inseparable, no matter how many times the nuns tried seperating you guys, you'd always find a way to hang out or at least see eachother.

Playing tag was your favorite game to play since it didn't require a board game with boring little pieces or any difficult rules. "Ok! I'll give you a headstart! Only 5 seconds!" you yell back causing a little disruption. Kit speed walks towards you not wanting to run anymore.

You giggle at the sight of Kit completely out of breath infront of you as he tapped on you, causing him to giggle along with you pausing suddenly taking a second to admire the beauty he had infront of him. The eye contact you both held brought nothing but butterflies, rising your need to have his soft plump lips against yours, but you dont dare make a move preventing any sort of punishments coming from Sister Jude.

Kit grabs your hand signaling you to sit down alongside him by the window which seemed nearly empty from the patients hating the sunlight. "Hey, I have a plan.. Its risky but we can have some alone time?" Kit whispers feeling the tension you two imprisoned. Taking his hand into yours you whisper back "What's on your mind baby?". Kit plans "Well, we go back to our prison cells at 9:00 pm. Jude usually leans around till 9:30 pm. We were the only ones who ate today's toasts. Lets say we got immensely sick hey? Get our "medical help" and meet by the girl's bathroom. Whatcha think?"

You were totally down for Kit's quickie plan but were terribly scared of getting caught. Knowing the result will be awful you honestly respond with "I dunno Kit. Its very risky. But I'll do it!"

"Shh"

"Shit sorry. Only if you're staying by my side though."

"Im not leaving you alone Y/N.. We're inseparable my love, dont ever forget that. "

All of the patients were escorted to their cells for their bedtime. As soon as you hear the hourly beep for 9:00 pm you keep track of time for 30 minutes. Focusing on every minute to second that passes by from the top of your head you prepare for your act, knowing that Kit is more then ready. You soon hear familiar deep coughs from the right side of your cell, knowing it was time. As you begin coughing harshly you hear keys jingling down the hallway unlocking a cell. Knowing you were next you continue coughing almost making yourself throw up.

"Y/N! What is going on in there?!" You hear a familiar feminine voice question in concern. "I- I can't breath! My stomach is killing me!" you continue your act, pretty impressed in yourself. The lady opens your cell and your heart automatically skips a beat at the sight of your lover alongside the nun, smirking slightly in between coughs.

Each step you took down the soundless hallway to the nurses was raising your heartbeat by the second not losing the tension Kit's aurora gave you.

When you all arrived at the nurses office and sit down for a few seconds, Nurse decides to break the silence. What the hell is wrong with you two? It's literally bedtime." she questions in annoyance. You silently chuckle hearing the word "hell" come out of a nun's lips. "I don't know, I suddenly wasn't able to breath properly and my stomach started hurting really bad." Kit says in "pain" mimicing your words. "And you?" the nurse asks pointing at you with her black pen decorated with a little cross. "I feel the same way. All I ate was the buttered toast, I dont usually feel like this." You add the fact that you ate the toast to make your lie far more believable. "I ate the toast too. It seemed like nobody wanted them so I gave it a try." Kit adds, completing the perfect lie.

"Second time this week the chefs' failed once again at their job. I apologize on their behalf.. I'll get you some pain relieving pills. Give me a sec." The nun apologizes heading to the big creaky door towards the basement where all medications were in storage.

I look over at Kit nerviously, who's sitting on the patient bed, uncuffed surprisingly. He seemed so excited and just overall ready to destroy your guts. "Aren't we going?" you ask perplexed to the fact he's just sitting there smiling not moving a muscle. "Escape rules 101: Leave five seconds after your kidnapper, or you'll get caught. Boom!" You giggle at his words aware he made it all up, still taking it into advice though. "Five, four, three, two.. one! Run Y/N runnn!" he insists.

Kit grabs your hand soft but steady as he drags you down another hallway towards the girl's bathroom. Warm air kissing the both of your faces as you glide down hallway to hallway with your favorite person in hand, smiling and giggling, pure ecstasy and excitements on your faces, as you arrive at your destination.

"Check if the stalls are empty on your left im checking on my right, babe" you smile at the sudden nickname Kit had put on you and proceeded to follow his commands giving him a quick thumbs up from the other side of the bathroom signaling him that the coast was clear, he does the same.

You choose the stall furthest from the door pulling Kit in with you locking it immediately "So now what?" Kit teases almost as if he were to be taunting you, acknowledging your need through your eyes. "You tell me." you attempt to tease back. "What if I show you?" he whispers, leaning into your neck. "Show me then.." you whisper back suddenly gasping at the sudden touch of Kit's delicate pink lips against your neck. His soft kissing, licking and sucking against your neck making your core wet by the second. Becoming stressed from his soft teasing you grab his jaw gentley, leading his lips to your own.

As you two kiss passionately you feel his tongue silently asking for enterance which you allow, the makeout now becoming intense. You feel his hands suddenly lifting your gown, sliding your underwear to the side, looking you in the eye with question for consent which you also allow. Kit begins rubbing your wetness delicately as he slowly inserts a finger inside making you whimper in pleasure grabbing onto his strong masculine shoulders. With now two fingers in your core, you begin jacking off Kit through his well fitted sweats producing a light angelic moan to fall out of his lips. You decide to quickly undress him teasing his member devilishly.

"Now you'll have to finish what you started gorgeous." Kit whispers reffering to your teasing on his. You drop down to your knees slowly tracing your fingers down his body, stopping right below his belly button making him groan deeply in need. "So needy for me, baby" you tease as you suck his member whole causing him to grip your thick hair for support. The combination of your moans vibrating on his now soaked member and your massaging on his balls, made his release speed up more then ever.

"Im cl- close Y/N.. You're doing such a good job for me" he praises while nutting in your mouth which you swallow quickly, avoiding the slight bitter taste. Kit picks you up with no notice and leans you against the stall you both shared slowly sliding his member past your submerged folds. You moan instantly at the feeling of Kit's cock filling you up completely hitting your g-spot everytime. You're both breathlesss in the moment, your loud moans echoing through the flickering lights of the bathroom, holding onto his shoulders for support your arms wrapped around his muscular sweaty waist.

"F-fuck Kit. Im cu-.." not being able to finish your words due to the amazing sensation you were feeling on your core, you feel instantly empty as Kit pulls out of you to finish your high with his mouth.

Kit tongue fucks you, and licks between your folds to finally sucking on your clit liberating your release in his mouth which he sucks up every drop of. Your body collapses onto his still trying to process the intense moment you both divided.

"I love you, Y/N" Kit lovingly says while lookin down at you with innocent eyes. "I love you too, Ki-"

Getting brutally interrupted you hear screaming "Where the hell are you two!" you both hear the nurse, footsteps running up and down the hallways. You quickly get dressed and kiss Kit your goodbyes as he flies past the huge door into the boys' bathroom which luckily was right next to the girls'.

"I-Im here!" you manage to scream back, sticking two fingers down your throat forcing yourself to throw up. "I just got really sick and needed to throw up, sorry." you apologize looking up at the lady who's eyes were boiling in anger. You were pretty sweaty, hair tousled, and hands were shaky. Made your lie pretty believable. "Where's kit?" nurse asks calmly this time now that she's found you. "Im not too sure I think he ran to the boys' room, he got really red and well ran out, seemed sick also." You manage to convince.

Nurse walks out, disgusted by your view heading into the boys' room in which she's not allowed into. You jump at the scary sounds Kit made from the other side of the wall, relieved you two had mentally communicated the same plans.

Managing to clean yourself up a bit you hear hard knocking on the girls' bathroom door. You timidly open up to the view of nurse and Kit. Relieved you smile to yourself a little, Kit realizes and taps on you playfully.

"You're it, loser."

[that-one-weeb-but-starwars]

Snow| Rex (3)

Note: I spilled Tajain in my bed rip and ya'll know this is @boopitybophades bc Im so late on updating everything my bad

Warnings: Kinda a mention of PTSD but its vauge

Reader: Male

Part| 1 | 2 | 3

At the request of Rex, the two went to go find the flower forest. Y/n had gotten directions from a local. The two now walking hand in hand down a fresh path of snow that had been carved away to their destination.

Rex liked this much better, silence. Comfortable, loving silence. He felt nice and warm just from holding onto Y/n's hand.

"This said to take the next right. On the next crossroads." Y/n told Rex looking down at the small black book he always kept on hand pocketing it he looked over at Rex who smiled at him.

"I like this," rex spoke, "just walking, with you."

Y/n smiled, "Well looks like that's a favorite of both of ours."

Rex smiled once again, Y/n kissing his cheek as they continued on. A mindless conversation between the two, some jokes thrown back and forth. They didn't even realize when they hit the crossroad they continued to the left. Y/n snorted in laughter, covering his mouth as he continued to laugh. Rex laughing happily with him.

"Aren't you a funny one?" Y/n teased a laugh still in his voice as his hand fell from Rex's, Rex smiling as Y/n walked in front of him, his feet pacing backward.

Rex reached forward to wrap his arms around Y/n's neck but he only dodged with a teasing smirk on his face.

"Y/n," Rex whined.

He shrugged playfully, "You'll have to find me for it, Captain."

Y/n took a few more paces backward, a smile still wide on Rex's face, shaking his head playfully as his arms stood ready to run and chase Y/n, ready to tackle him if necessary.

It was sudden when Y/n ran off, Rex even though ready for the chase still tripped up, tripping over his own feet and almost as he ran after Y/n. Rex had lost Y/n in a matter of minutes to the forest. Even though his legs carried him as far as they would, eventually give out, he heavily breathing as he put a hand against a tree.

"Nice behind Captain," Y/n spoke with a chuckle, slapping Rex on the behind as Rex went to turn around with a flustered face both from running and the slap he received, yet no one was to be seen.

"Come on Y/n," Rex protested still looking around for his hunter.

"Awe? Why? You look so cute like that," Y/n defended, sneaking up behind the clone.

"Because, um." Rex tried to think, looking around in front of him.

Y/n's hands outreaching his arms to grab Rex, but the clone captain whipped around, tackling Y/n to the ground. Y/n shouted in surprise as his back hit the fluffy snow below him, Rex laying on top of him, chin resting on Y/n's chest. Y/n smiled as Rex raised to his knees, and readjusting himself, Rex above Y/n causing the male on the bottom to chuckle.

Rex smiled leaning down and kissing Y/n happily. They rolled over in the snow, Rex's hands running into Y/n's hair and humming into the kiss happily. Y/n pulled away from the kiss looking down at Rex with a smile.

"Little cold down there?" Y/n questioned.

Rex nodded, resulting in Y/n chuckling and pulling him to sit up. Both happily sitting in the snow, Y/n's hand rubbing snow from Rex's face. Rex kissing Y/n's wrist as Y/n rubbed his face.

"I like this," Rex spoke, "A lot,"

Y/n smiled, "Yeah? Just sittin alone? Nothin' to do?"

Rex nodded, "yeah, time seems slow for once,"

Keeping the smile on his face Y/n nodded, "It does, doesn't it."

Rex only smiled in response, Y/n's other hand capturing Rex's face. Rex holding his elbows with a lazy grip as their foreheads rested onto one another.

"I like this a lot better," Rex told softly as Y/n laughed.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," Rex said, "And what are you gonna do about it?"

Y/n smirked, quickly wrapping his arms around Rex and taking him to the floor, Rex laughing as they rolled in the snow.

"I'm gonna do that Captain," Y/n teased, he now laying on his side with Rex on his back.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah-"

Y/n was cut off by Rex tackling him into the snow, once again they rolling around in it like children, laughing and having a good time. Y/n was the first to hit Rex with a hand full of snow, it soon turning to full-out war, Rex running away from Y/n as far as he could.

"Come on Rex!" Y/n laughed sloppy snowball in hand, Rex with his own ammo in hand as he tried to avoid being pinpointed.

Rex ran out into an open field of flowers but realizing he wasn't being followed he stopped turning his head, Y/n stood at the edge of the forest, in complete and utter shock, his face breaking out into a bright red color.

"Y/n?" Rex asked the warm feeling of the sun on his head.

He watched Y/n walk towards him at a normal pace, stopping in front of him, snowball discarded along the way. Rex dropped his snowball as Y/n stopped in front of him, seemingly towering over him as Rex looked down with a red face, the look Y/n was giving him was intense, it was filled with love and admiration. Rex's chin was grabbed and brought upward, and with a flushed expression, he locked eyes with Y/n.

"You have no idea how beautiful you looked standing there," Y/n whispered, "With such a big smile on your face..."

Rex blushed as Y/n pressed his lips to his. The kiss filled with passion that caused Rex's legs to go weak, his arms draping around Y/n's neck as he dropped his weight subconsciously, Y/n's hands holding him up by the waist, but slowly let him fall into the bed of flowers below them. The kiss never breaking as Rex laid a leg over Y/n's own leg. How he and Y/n weren't currently removing each other's clothes right now was a shock to Rex, the kiss so deep and passionate, a tonnage being pushed into Rex's mouth; Y/n was even french kissing him.

Rex pulled away for air, looking up at Y/n with a flushed expression.

"We were so busy with fighting a war..." Y/n whispered to him, "That I forget I can love you like this, that I can hold you like this...there's no need to rush anything anymore."

Rex was shocked by what came next, looking he seen large tears welling up in Y/n's eyes, the large droplets falling onto Rex's cheek, Y/n's tears slipping down Rex's cheek. Y/n dropping himself onto Rex with a cry as his arms wrapped around Rex, holding onto him tightly. Rex's hands rested on Y/n's back, rubbing circles on his lower shoulder blades, kissing Y/n's head he held Y/n close. That's right, Y/n went through the war, but the man was always so happy you'd barely tell he'd ever gone through an intense game of rock paper scissors.

"I got you, it's okay," Rex told him, the two laying in the rolling fields of flowers which were touched by the frost of winter.

Kissing Y/n's head, Rex tried soothing him the best he could, they laid there for a while, despite the snow being cold them kept each other warm. Y/n had stopped crying, the two laying side by side facing each other, in silence they looked at each other, fingers interwined together as they held each others hand.

"I'm sorry," Rex apologized, "I, Well I sometimes forget that you fought all that time with me."

Y/n listened to him, squeezing Rex's hand softly, "I just, you're so happy, and I know, it's wrong, but, I was built for warfare, and you weren't. Yet you deal with it so much better than me,"

Y/n frowned, "You're still human."

Rex moved closer to him, noses touching, "I just...what happens if I can't help you one day?"

"You just did Rex, being here is enough," Y/n told, placing a soft kiss on Rex's fridget lips, "Lets go have some tea? Something to warm us up okay?"

Rex nodded, "Can we stay in for the rest of the day? I just, wanna be there with you."

"yeah, we can," Y/n spoke, "Lets be glad I have cooking skills."

Rex smiled smally as he kissed Y/n once again, softly, his hand running through Y/n's hair, Y/n holding his cheek as they did.

Pulling away softly they helped one another up to there feet. Making there way back. They were luckily able to catch a ride in town to there hotel. Rex freezing without physical movement and snuggling up to Y/n on the way there. Y/n holding him close as he watched the trees go by. Making it back to there hotel Y/n and Rex thanked the woman and her husband and went inside to make there way up to there room. This time opting out for the elevator. Luckily they were the only ones there, Y/n leaning against the wall with Rex in his arms and leaning against his chest, soft music playing as they rose to there floor.

"You're so warm." Rex smiled, Y/n rubbing the back of Rex's head planting a kiss on the clone's forehead as the elevator stopped.

Walking hand in hand to there room. Rex gladly opened the door, there bed freshly made and almost beelined it for the bed but Y/n stopped him.

"Shower, we don't wanna be sick now do we?" Y/n spoke, suggesting to there clothes soaked in cold water due to playing and messing around in snow.

They walked into the fresher together, Rex leaning against the sink as Y/n started to undress him of the wet clothes, half way through he stopped to go turn the water on, letting it warm up.

"How about a bath instead?" Rex questioned walking over to Y/n who sat on the bathubs ledge.

"Sounds like a plan to me," Y/n smiled, plugging the bathtub and standing up, helping Rex finish stripping.

Rex did the same to Y/n, "What a cutie," Y/n spoke his body bare along with Rex's as he kissed Rex's cheek.

They soon both stepped into the tub, both sighing at the warm water. Rex leaning against Y/n's chest. Y/n's hands around his sides, and rubbing small circles on his chest, occasionally leaving a kiss on his shoulder or neck while he had his small book in hand from earlier.

"Wanna read some things over with me?" Y/n questioned.

Rex shook his head no, and instead admired Y/n, as he read, even for being in the bathtub he looked siphosticated sitting there reading a book.

[dapandapod]

You bring me colours

Hello and welcome to mean and angsty hours. Today I bring to you a soulmate fic, but it is sad and hurtful.

Thank you my lovely enablers for helping me bringing this to life, despite my very weak protests. Be mindful, my loves, if you are having a bad day you might want to skip this one. It ends happily, do not worry, but the way there is ouchie.

Warnings; Implied character death (real and not real), vauge description of drinking and depression, just, sad in general. A little bit soft too, and hopeful, but mostly sad. Im sorry.

On Ao3 here

Everybody has a soulmate. When your One comes into the world, they bring colors with them. And when they go, so do the colors. Many a poet sings of a world gone gray, of a love unknowingly lost. Because you don’t always meet your one. For some, it is enough to know they are out there. For some, the hunt lasts their entire lifetime. Some lucky few find each other, and some never do, settling in peace anyway.

---

For Vesemir, he had color for almost a century. But a witchers life is rough, and he knows not to seek them out. Not to give hope, not to feel greed. Just gift them with colors as long as he is able. He has an inkling who is His. His One. They must know too, but they never say.

Vesemir sits at the teachers table. It is lively in the hall, the children are laughing and making a mess as children do. They are his pride and his burden. Not all will be allowed to grow up, but he will do his best to give them a fighting chance. He raises his spoon towards his mouth, the soup smelling warm and rich.

The spoon falls with a clatter to the table.

Everything is black and white.

He is in front of everybody. In charge of so many lives. He was gifted with color for such a long time, this was to be expected. But if his One is who he thinks it is, then….

The screaming begins outside. The sacking of Kaer Morhen has begun.

---

Jaskier has always seen color. Always seen the color of the sky, the flowers and the nuances of snow.

When Jaskier is six years old, that changes.

He runs to his mothers, tears streaking down his face. Her dress used to be a bright green, her eyes a rich blue.

“Where did the colours go?” He cries. He knows he is too big to cry, but he is scared and sad.

Mother seems to be sad too. Heartbroken in fact, and she picks him up and holds him close.

After that day, the only color Jaskier can see is yellow. The color of the sun, of buttercups, some cat’s eyes. Of puss, of stains and of age.

--

There are many ways to die. The old Geralt dies when his knife plunges into Renfri's neck.

Geralt's colors came some years ago. When it happened he didn’t panic. He followed Vesemir's advice and pushed it as far back as he possibly could. It was only a small disappointment that the world didn’t turn grey when Renfri died. Because that is what Geralt felt like.

The colours stay, and he despises them. They glare at him, blaming him for still being there. How can he think he ever deserves happiness?

-----

In Posada, Jaskier finds someone with yellow eyes. They call to him like no other, so he goes. It is the best decision he has ever made, if the most difficult one. But with Geralt around, it is almost as if his memories of colours are springing to life. Sometimes he remembers that poppies are red, that water can be rich blue, and that autumn leaves can look like a fire. The fire he remembers from his past, but around Geralt they are so vivid they almost look real.

His mother told him not to tell. To hold those memories close. She taught him the colors through names and pictures, so that if someone asked, he would know.

Jaskier knows that his lost colours means that his One is dead. Some kind of dead, at least, if the professors are to be believed. If you get to keep a colour, even if it’s just the one, there is a chance. So Jaskier leaps at every chance he gets. He is one of those who chase, and will continue to chase.

----

Geralt is reluctant to Jaskier. Reluctant, because when he is around he is starting to feel alive again. Jaskier pokes and prods and smiles and sings and talks, and it is all Geralt can do to fight it.

---

A hot summer day Geralt finally gives in and they're just being goofy and like wrestling in a river. All the sudden Jaskier can see the color of the grass and he freaks out and scrambles out of the river and just lays down in front of a tuft of grass like 'holy shit geralt look at that.”

The bard is absolutely mesmerized for a moment, but when Geralt comes to look at what caught his attention, before he catches himself. Shit. Geralt can’t know.

So he plays it off, especially when the tuft of grass slowly fades back to grey. There is a lump in his throat, hope so big in his chest he wants to explode. They are out there, his One. They are still here.

---

There are many changes during their travels. Yennefer, for one. It is with her arrival that Jaskier realizes he is in love with Geralt. Deeply, desperately in love with him.

Another change happens on a cold and lonely mountain top. Geralt finally breaks, breaks everything, and Jaskier feels a spark inside himself diminish.

The further away from the mountain he gets, the more muted the world becomes. Even his memories stay out of his reach, as in fear of the pain he feels.

----

The moment Jaskier leaves the mountain, his world goes gray. Things click into place. He closes his eyes against the pain, letting it tear through him, cut him open.

Jaskier was his One.

And he killed him.

---

Geralt doesn’t know why the sky is still blue. He doesn’t understand how Ciris cloak is not grey, her eyes as startling blue as the love he once lost.

He thought he lost Yennefer on Sodden hill, but when he meets her, she is wearing a dress the color of Jaskiers eyes.

He breaks down at her feet, finally crumbling after all this time. He tells her everything, and she wipes his tears with infinite patience. How he deserves that from her, he doesn’t know.

“Why blue?” she asks him. “What relationship do you have with blue?”

And Geralt thinks about it. It is Ciri who finally puts the pieces together. Blue as Jaskiers eyes, he had said. And if you get to keep a colour, even if it’s just the one, there is a chance, or so a bard had told her in her grandmother's ballroom.

---

There are many ways to die. Jaskier is drowning. Drowning in pain and alcohol, sinking to a bottom, looking up at a golden sun. Not even the bright yellow can cheer him up, not when it reminds him so much of Geralt's eyes.

He doesn’t chase anymore. He accepts. Accepts that he will be alone, that nobody wants to be with someone destined for no one.

---

Geralt finds him in a tavern. Geralt walks in, so Jaskier must out. The one thing Geralt asks of him, after all these years. The least he can do is listen.

But Geralt follows him outside. Grabs his arms. Cups his cheeks. Asks for forgiveness. It takes time for Jaskier to register his words, he is deep down, he is drowning. But the sun seems closer now, becking him upwards.

He doesn’t understand why Geralt is here, but his broken heart is held together with Geralt's arms around him.

---

Geralt is scared to tell the bard. After all the pain he caused, how can he possibly make things right.

Geralt does everything he can to get the colours back, but they won’t come. Now that he has had a taste, now that he knows that it was his words, not his hands, that took them, he fights. He won’t make Jaskier follow him anymore. He tries something new.

They walk beside each other, a careful pace forward is set. It takes time, but his colours return. Jaskiers smiles are brighter, his eyes cornflower blue.

Then Jaskier confesses to him, he sees no colours but gold. How he carried it inside all this time, hoping that his One is out there, and Geralt can’t wait any longer.

“I want to give them to you. The colours that you bring to me, I want to give back to you.”

And he tries. Everyday he tries. And Jaskier holds his hand all the while.

[calpops]

shatter | c.h.

Distance brings problems to the surface of your relationship with Calum. A break feels like the only option. You hold onto hope that it will bring you back together and that if it’s meant to be it will be.

1.5k words

dates with cal masterlist

<< >>

Your heart sinks as Calum sighs and sets himself on the edge of the couch cushion; three places away from you. Usually he’d settle completely at your side, pull you into him and let your head rest against his chest, grin as your fingers tapped the rhythm of his heart against his ribs and know you were both finally home for the night. The moon would have usually guided you both to bed but tonight it casts haunting shadows that cut across Calum’s somber face. You swallow down a lump in your throat and play with your hands set in your lap.

“Are you sure this is what you want?” He asks, voice tight and trying not to break.

“I think it’s what we need,” you explain and try to convince him and yourself.

Things had gotten rocky between you as band responsibilites took off and distance made everything hazy. He was gone and busy, you were home and alone. You convinced yourself that when things calmed down and he was home more it would be different. Things would go back to the way they were before he left. It would go back to feeling like home. But they stayed distant. He was still gone; celebrating the success, riding out the highs of all the successes his hard work brought. You were happy for him. But, you were still alone, not one for parties or late nights. You were shaken by the disturbance that entered your lives and lent you realizations. You felt like three different people all in the same breath. There was you when you were with him, you when he was away, and you somewhere in between those times. You weren’t sure who that was anymore.

“A break,” he said around a sigh. “You really think we need a break?”

“It already feels like we’re in the middle of one,” you admit and feel your heart crash. You hate to admit it but the truth has never been easy to admit. “You’ve been gone for so long.”

“I’m home now,” he insists and doesn’t understand—you can’t fault him for that, you haven’t explained yourself all that well.

“Not really. You’re still gone almost every night. When you are here it’s different. There’s a disconnect. It’s not like it used to be. I don’t know if I can handle how it is right now. I don’t know—it’s me, it’s me, it has to be me. I’m just”—Calum moves to you and cuts off the bubble of hysteria you can actively feel rising in your chest. He grabs your hands and soothes you.

“If you need a break I can stay with Ashton for a while,” he says and you can see the heartbreak and crash of emotions that sweep through his eyes. He frowns, you hear his breath catch in his throat and you turn away from him; unable to witness how much this is hurting him. “You’re right. I haven’t been around. It’s been different.”

“I want to get back to normal, but I don’t know how.”

“Time. Communicating. This… this is the first step,” Calum said and though the realization was painful for both of you it was necessary and held a splinter of hope for the future. “Thank you for telling me. I want to get back to what we had too. If this is how you think we should do it then I’ll do it. I’m sure Ashton won’t mind if I crash with him, for a while.”

A while held a certain promise that things would recover. It held heart and hope and a certainty that sounded unbreakable. You don’t know how long a while might last, what challenges might crop up in the face of a break or how feelings might change. Something sits heavy on your chest. You are asking for a break and now you feel you need to afford Calum his freedom in the meantime.

“You can see other people, if you want,” you say though it burns from the tip of your tongue to the bottom of your heart.

He shakes his head. “I don’t want that. I don’t want anyone but you.”

“I just need time to find me again,” you say but the sentence breaks in the middle and though it feels the break has begun Calum pulls you to him and offers you comfort.

“When you find yourself, I’ll be waiting.”

***

Days without Calum bleed on in a heartbreaking haze. He wasn’t around much before the break became official but now there’s no waiting around for the possibility of a late night call or an early morning surprise of him walking through the door. He took a few suitcases of things with him—clothes, his bass, journals and when you come upon the empty nightstand on his side of the bed you realize he took a photo of you two he snapped on your first anniversary. Duke went with him to Ashton’s and without the click of his claws on hardwood or the low hum of Calum’s bass the house is much too silent for your liking.

There’s no more waiting around for him or the crushing disappointment of missed calls. There’s no more aching over his absence and wondering if he preferred being out than being with you. It was your choice and now you can only hope he isn’t hurting the way you were. All of the absences also mean there is no more play fighting for the remote or making jokes while making breakfast. There’s no more erratic heart beats and smiles that leave you with wildfires of warmth blazing through your blood. There’s no more Calum.

He surprises you one day, shows up on the doorstep with a timid knock and bashful eyes.

“I need to get some things,” he admits and you realize more time has slipped past than you thought if he’s in need of extra things from the house.

You can sense his anxiety as he collects what he needs; note the hesitation as he reaches for shared things. Your worlds have become so intertwined it’s hard to tell what’s yours and what’s his. Separation becomes a fine line; a hairline fracture in the glass house you’ve built around each other. You hope you both don’t shatter as a consequence.

He leaves you all too soon—not before reminding you he loves you and breaking your heart in the same breath—it enforces a hollow hole that drives it’s way further through your heart. His reappearance shifts your perspective and keeps you up for nights on end. You feel the cool side of the bed is much colder now, you notice the fridge and cupboards are way too stocked with food and the coffee table is lonely without music magazines and picks discarded all over it.

It’s during a late night when you can’t sleep that you find yourself wandering the house. Pacing up and down the halls and feeling nervous energy bite through you. Your pacing isn’t enough. You leave the house with no real destination in mind but are not surprised when you pull up to a familiar abode. The lights are out but you wind up on the doorstep without hesitation, ring the doorbell and hear a bark that sets your already flickering nerves ablaze. The door opens to Ashton who rubs at his tired eyes but takes you in and gives you a sympathetic smile. He doesn’t complain about the late hour. Only invites you in and stalks off so that Calum might take his place.

You come face to face with him; curls mussed from sleep and eyes red rimmed. Your heart lurches at the sight and the distance he doesn’t seem to want to close.

“I think I’ve realized something,” you begin with around a forlorn sigh filled with regret.

“What’s that?” He asks barely above a whisper and you hear the hope that beats through each syllable.

“I’m my best me when I’m with you,” you admit and clap your hands together to get them to stop shaking.

He stays still; stoic and calm and it shoots uncertainty through you.

“I shouldn’t have come—I’m sorry,” you say in a sudden realization. It’s not fair of you to show up in the middle of the night with all of your regrets clouded around you. You start to turn around and rush out the door but his voice stops you.

“Sweetheart don’t leave.”

His term of endearment reserved solely for you beats your heart a little faster, fills it with hope and makes your eyes burn. You look down, willing yourself not to cry, not to shatter when you’re so close to bringing you both back together.

“Not without me,” Calum adds on and pieces together cracking shards of your relationship.

“You’ll come home?” You ask.

He nods.

“You’ll stay?” You ask again and hold your breath.

“I left once already. I’m not doing that again.”

You let out your breath and let go of all your hesitations and close the distance between you. He welcomes you with everything he has. You feel at home in his arms.

“I’ve missed you,” you mumble against his chest and finally slow tears to fall; tears of relief and love.

“I’ll get my stuff tomorrow. Let’s just grab Duke and go home.”

You nod, though you’re pretty sure just being in his embrace again feels more like home than your house ever could.

<< >>

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[op-peccatori]

Selenophile (M) | IkeVamp Comte

Fandom: Ikemen Vampire

Pairing: Comte de Saint-Germain/Fem!Reader

Rating: Explicit/18+/NSFW

Word Count: 5k

Summary: You’re just a girl who fell in love with the moon, and got lucky enough to have him love you back.

a/n: Always thought Leonardo would be my first, and then Faa happened (~˘▾˘)~ All those Daddy Comte conversations sent a hoe tumbling into love. Also told myself this was going to be short and sweet, and in doing so, played myself. Sorry about that. 

Also, for Thirst Purposes, we’re going to believe that Comte can bite her without turning her. 

Warnings/Tags: explicit sexual content, vaginal and oral sex, mentions of blood due to vampire bite, this is my love letter to Daddy Comte, pretend im v romantic, also another episode where I had fun with online translators French speakers please don’t kill me

Selenophile (n.) a person who loves the moon. 

“Here’s the next stack, and please, try to finish them before dinner?” 

Collecting the last of the stray envelopes on the desk, you jog them and place the stack in one corner. Narrowed, aurum eyes watch you over the top of a letter. “These aren’t quite as urgent, so you can have a look at them later.” 

“Mm,” the Count sighs into his cup for the fifth time, no doubt waiting for you to turn around to see what’s got him so down. Your eyes drift to the ostentatious bouquet of roses in the corner of the room, a soft, blush pink this time, before you squint at the seal on the last envelope. Placing it on top of the pile in front of him, you smile down at his pursed lips and pleading eyes.

You know the gentlemanly persona is just one of the many facets of the Count’s personality, and it seems to be the one he chooses to adopt when amongst company. Your relationship thus far has been nothing short of an adventure, complete with adversaries and sacrifices, and a man that can take your breath away with just one little smile.

He loves, and lives to spoil you. He delights in drawing you into his arms and kissing you as he stealthily clasps delicate necklaces around your neck and slips bracelets set with sparkling gems onto your wrists. It still makes you uncomfortable at times, but the way his eyes shine when he admires the way they rest against your skin, a pleased smile tugging at the corners of his lips–it kills any real motivation to protest. 

And when he undresses you, with a soft-spoken request to keep the jewellery on, you’re hard-pressed to find any real reason to object. It’s all part of his favourite evening game; with you completely bare, wearing just the priceless trinkets he’s picked out for you. His seat of preference is the armchair he pulls up to the front of the bed, from where he calls out his requests for you. You can say no, you’re expected to tell him if anything makes you uncomfortable, but when he tells you to spread your legs a little more, to finger yourself a skosh slower, nearly panting as the smell of your arousal–all you feel is hot, dizzying lust. 

To see the wild lust lurking beneath that noble veneer, to open your eyes, trembling through the aftershocks of an orgasm, and see the sheer hunger in his face as he strokes his cock. The way his fangs sink into you speaks of rapidly fraying control, sending agonizing ecstasy pumping through you as he makes you come again.

You enjoy teasing him. It’s a dangerous game to play in front of the ever-observant residents, especially a certain author who would love nothing more than to see you seduce their sire. You had nearly gotten caught just once, when he had had enough of your games. 

A brush of your fingers, over his shoulder. A stroke of your thumb over his knuckles, and if you were feeling bold, weaving your fingers through his hair. A lingering kiss on the corner of his mouth and feel the air between you grow heavy. Just a quick pet at the nape of his neck and pulling away before he could lean into your touch. 

He always catches on almost right away, and gives you serene smile in response, a gentle warning. Only once had his patience spun out of his control and he pinned you to a bookshelf in the library, slipping a hand under your dress as he crushed his mouth to yours, hissing when he discovered the lack of a barrier between your legs.

You were sure he would have taken you right there if not for the sudden, loud whistling of a jaunty tune–a hint that you weren’t alone in the library. Still, he had considered it for a moment. You could tell by the look on his face–all he had to do was make sure you stayed quiet. 

But then Leonardo started singing, completely off-key and almost insistently, as if warning him off. It was the confused whispers from Isaac, no doubt wondering if Leonardo had lost his mind, that finally had your beau stepping away.

Even now, as you pour him his afternoon tea, you can feel his eyes doing a full sweep of your figure, longing and wondering. He’d been away on business for the past two weeks and you’ve missed him terribly. He had only gotten back yesterday, and you’ve somehow had your hands full with errands and tasks for the residents and no time to spend in his arms.

Although, if you must be perfectly honest, you have had a little fun leaving him with affectionate kisses and tender whispers before you rush off to attend to the next task. 

“How is your day going, ma chérie?” he asks, accepting the cup with a soft smile. 

“Well enough, I’d say. Sebas is going to teach me how to make coq au vin, so please look forward to that!” you inform him, stars in your eyes. You pretend not to notice the way his smile grows just a tad strained, no doubt at the realization that you’ll have your plate full today as well. 

“I can’t wait to try it.” His sincerity is genuine, though, and you have to restrain yourself from climbing into his lap, striding over to the door instead. “Darling?”

You turn back to see him hesitating, searching your face for something before sinking back into his armchair. 

“Have a wonderful day.” 

There’s hunger in his eyes and your heart pounds within its cage. 

“You too. I love you,” you add, unable to help it, and you’re glad you did because of the tiny smile curling along his mouth as he echoes the words back at you. 

This waiting game can’t go on much longer. He hasn’t lost his composure the way you had secretly hoped to see, but it seems that his patience is running out.

You rarely find chances to spend together during the day, and today is no different. Dinner takes up much of your time, and after you find yourself swept up in conversation with Napoleon and Isaac, cleaning up takes more time than you had hoped.

As Sebastian shares what he had discovered about Napoleon’s sparring preferences, while you dissolve into helpless giggles at his enthusiastic reenactment as you scrub the dishes, the Count stops by for more tea. 

“Ah, still here? It’s quite late, you must be tired.” He watches over the rim of his teacup as you study at a plate, before wiping at a barely-visible smudge.

“We’re nearly done, Sir. Not to worry though, it’s always fun when we work together,” your companion assures him, and you shoot him a quick grin.

“That’s right. And we do make a great time, don’t we?” You raise your hand, and with a half-hearted roll of his eyes, Sebastian smacks his palm against yours. 

“I suppose we do.” 

You turn to Comte just in time to catch his small smile, and your own fades slightly as he turns to leave with a low, murmured goodnight. 

Even as you hurry through your bath, rushing to your room to change and don a thin robe, the hint of melancholy in his smile stays with you and apprehension courses through your veins. 

It wasn’t quite jealousy. It’s tempting to play that game, but usually, you avoiding it. He’s a gentle, benevolent man, but the Count does not wear jealousy well. Thankfully, the only resident you run into on your way to his room is Vincent, who asks no questions, only wishing you a pleasant night with a knowing smile. 

His chambers are empty and you find him standing in the balcony instead, the summer evening pleasant and soothing on your skin as you step out. His head is tilted back, and you realize he seems to be studying the night sky. With the soft, shimmering moonlight eager to paint him in its subtle tones, there’s an ethereal glow beneath his skin.

He shines brighter in the sunlight, but in this moment he truly looks like one untouched by the grasping hands of death in any of its forms, blessed by Selene herself or perhaps, she chose another form, one that is surely far more beautiful than any other. You wonder if that makes you Endymion, the spellbound mortal to his smitten immortal, desperate to do whatever it takes so you never leave his side, destined to be together forever–but only in your dreams. 

“Come join me, ma chérie.” He sounds almost distracted, and curiosity bubbles up as you step up next to him. 

He’s more underdressed than you’ve ever seen him outside his room; clad only in his white shirt and slim pants. He always appears to be svelte, but with the soft fabric stretching taut over his shoulders, clinging to his narrow waist, you can only try to keep your eyes off his backside. An unbuttoned collar reveals a slender neck, his tie hanging loosely over his chest, his sleeves rolled up to his toned forearms, a glass of half-finished blanc in one hand.

He doesn’t look away from the sky, staring at the stars as if they hold the answer to all his questions. You choose to look at the moon while it observes the stars, studying him quietly, wanting to get closer before thinking better of it and coming to a halt, waiting for him to gather his thoughts. 

Always out of reach, but always returning to you. 

Or perhaps you’re the moonflower instead. Yearning for the light, for it to find you. With its quiet, yet all-consuming love; too bright for you at times, but even if you close your eyes you know its there, its soft light embracing you, giving itself over to you and sinking into your bones, its love unchanging. You thrive in his arms, blooming to life at his touch, the marks left on your skin always fading but you’re content to keep the one left on your heart, a quiet claiming.

He sighs and rakes a hand through his hair, caramel bangs falling haphazardly over his forehead, before turning to you with a rueful smile that breaks you out of your musing. He finishes his drink with one last sip and sets the glass down to the side, on top of the balustrade.

“Forgive me, darling. I’m feeling a little out of sorts tonight.” 

The muted atmosphere falls away as he turns his back on the sky to look at you, and you wonder if the stars think him foolish for it.

“Anything I can help with?” You take his hand in yours, clasping it between your palms and watch as a hint of mischief upturns his lips. And you realize it doesn’t matter if all the planets in the sky call you fools, as long as he never stops smiling at you.

“Perhaps. All day, I feel as if my most precious, mon trésor, has been a tad elusive.” He reaches out to tuck an errant lock of your ear behind your ear, his finger trailing down the length of your jaw as you tilt your head, adopting a thoughtful look.

“That doesn’t sound good.” 

“Not at all,” he agrees, assuming a downcast expression, although his eyes still glint with purpose. “Every time I reach for her, she slips right through my fingers, leaving with me nothing but the memory of her warmth.” 

“Oh, but that’s dreadful,” you gasp, holding his hand up to your chest. “What fool would try to elude you?” 

He smiles a little, leaning in conspiratorially, his mouth ghosting the shell of your ear. You can barely keep from smiling as your stomach clenches in your anticipation. 

“One who takes joy in teasing her poor, desperate lover,” he breathes, winding an arm around your waist as you try to slip away, your palms braced against his firm chest. “All day, she smiles at me, and with every smile I’m left wanting nothing more than to kneel before her and take everything she chooses to give me.” 

His next breath leaves him on a shudder as you turn your head, your lips skimming the length of his jaw.

“With a man like you, is there really ever a choice? You make a woman want to give you everything she has.” 

His smile is truer as he kisses the tip of your nose, while the hand on your hip inches lower. His eyes are bright, almost glowing and you’re struck mute as you watch his long lashes flutter. “As I should. After all, when a woman holds the power to take her lovesick fool apart with a smile, the fool can only try to aim for the same.” 

“If this fool tries anymore, there won’t be anything left to take.” 

“And, perhaps, then I’ll stop fearing her distance.” His lips trace the length of your neck, his nose pressing to your skin as he inhales deeply. “And the fear of her being ripped from my arms will fade.”

You press your lips to his temples, love and sadness tight leashes around your heart. “Then I suppose I’ll keep giving you everything I have.” 

His palm slides further down to cup the swell of your rear. “Your love?” 

You kiss his cheek. “You have it.” 

His licks at the pulse point on your neck, and you tremble in his grasp. “Your body?” 

“Yours.” A gasp leaves you when he sucks at the skin harshly, satisfied at the mark blooming to life. There’s a scrape of something sharp against soft flesh, and your knees grow weaker when you realize it’s the sharp-edged tip of a fang. 

“Your happiness?” He tugs at the sash holding your robe together, loosening it to reveal your underthings. Brimming with his desire, his eyes are molten gold as they bore into yours.

“With you.” He kisses you, gentle and deep. Your hands meet at the nape of his neck, tugging him down so you can slip your tongue into his mouth. A low noise of protest escapes you as he pulls away to kiss his way up to your ear. 

“And yet, you’ve been denying us both the pleasure of each other’s company.” He nips at the lobe of your ear, squeezing your ass gently, his tone dipping into something sly as he continues. “Then I see you laughing without a care with Sebastian. I...I cannot help but wonder if I’ve robbed you of the happiness you deserve.” 

You can’t help the quick roll of your eyes. “Any happiness I deserve is the kind I want.” Your fist the hair at the back of his head, tugging it back to look him in the eyes. They waver in the face of your fierce affection, his lips parted as you tug harder, but you don’t back down. “And I want you.” 

He sighs, but his chest quivers beneath your touch.

“Such ferocity. And no power in the world could make me give that up.” He isn’t teasing anymore, but he slips a thigh between your legs, using his grip on your ass to pull you forward. Your fingers dig into his shirt as you try not to gasp. “Ah, I’m afraid you are stuck with me.” 

You run a hand through his hair as he ducks his head to pepper kisses all over your neck, and down to your collarbone. 

His tongue draws slow, maddening circles over your skin. “So earlier in the kitchen...that wasn’t an attempt to drive me to jealousy?” 

 “I barely have to attempt, but no, it wasn’t.” You hide a sly smile in his hair. “Why, were you actually jealous?” 

“I’ll admit I do find myself rather put out when I can’t have you all to myself. And knowing how deeply you’re coveted…” He pauses. “So you were playing games.” He lifts a breast from the soft fabric of your bustier, tucking the cloth underneath as he squeezes it gently. Even as your body begins to throb under his ministrations, you throw a nervous look over his shoulder to ensure nobody’s in the gardens. “And the roses you received in my absence?” 

You roll your eyes, half-hearted this time, even as your heart attempts to inch its way to your throat. “A gift for you, no doubt, from your oldest friend.” 

He chuckles, soft and dark, and it goes straight to your pussy “A gift for me they were not. Perhaps an attempt to entice my lady love while I was away?” 

“A failed one, then. My heart is perfectly content where it is,” you retort, a pleased smile breaking across his expression before he clears his throat and looks at you seriously. 

“Even so. The very thought of somebody else’s hands on you–a touch uninvited by us, that is–I will not stand for it.” 

“What do you suggest we do, then?” A soft palm slips down his abdomen, and he smirks down at you.

“I have a few suggestions. Each more depraved than the previous, and none you will approve of.” 

His mouth closes over a nipple, sucking harshly, and this time you do moan.

“So-somebody might hear us!” Even so, you push his thigh back to push your hips into his, your lips parting at the press of his clothed arousal between your legs.

“Good. I feel that they can all do with a reminder of who you chose. Including me.” He bites down and you’re helpless to your combined lust in the way you grind against his erection. “This should be a fact they can never forget.“ 

In a quick movement, he’s shifted your positions, leaving you half-sitting on the balustrade. And then he’s sinking down to his knees, urgently planting hot kisses on the inside of your thighs as he spreads them. You can’t tear your eyes away from the entrance to the balcony, afraid that someone will walk in. 

A soft click catches your attention and, incredulous, you look down to see him looking all too pleased with himself, holding your foot up to admire a delicate anklet studded with–

“Those better not be real,” you warn, and he simply smiles at you, pressing his lips to your ankle as his other hand slides up your leg. His tongue traces the skin surrounding the jewelled band, and all the fight leaves you, not that there was much of it in the first place.

He looks happy, after all.

He pets your clothed sex, moving on too smoothly for your liking. “Sometimes, I wonder. What would they think, if they smell you on my breath?” 

He pulls the barrier of your panties aside; you can barely suck in a breath before you feel his tongue, hot and deliberate as it sweeps along your glistening slit. 

“My, my. You’re nearly drenched. Does making me suffer bring you this much pleasure?” he teases, smiling up at you before closing his lips around your swelling clit. Your teeth sink into your lip as you hold your voice back, but he presses his teeth to the flesh, almost biting lightly and a loud cry forces its way out. Your hands are wrapped around the surface of the railing, knuckles white with strain, and with each second he spends sucking at your bundle of nerves your moans get frustratingly louder. “Good girl, let me hear you.” 

You freeze when voices from the garden reach your straining ears. His tongue pushes past your entrance.

He won’t stop. 

You can feel it building in you, the slow, familiar sweep of pleasure ready to greet you, and you know you don’t really want the others to hear you scream as you come. Your thoughts begin to cloud over, and you have to act. 

“Please?” you whimper, threading your fingers through his hair. He freezes in place. “Not here.” 

He peeks up at you, groaning when he catches sight of your face, lower lip jutting out and eyes pleading with him. “Princess, how am I supposed to punish you when you make that face?” 

“I’m sorry,” you say as sincerely as possible, your smile clear in your voice. 

“I shouldn’t be lenient,” he mutters, kissing the skin where your thigh meets your hip. “And it’s so lovely out here.” 

You reach down to cup his cheek, unwavering in the face of his pouting. It’s the Van Gogh brothers down in the gardens, and you’re sure one of them will end you if you subject his brother to the sight of the Count taking you in the balcony. “Do you really want someone to see us?”

He hums, kissing your palm. “Maybe.” 

You fight to keep the grin off your face as you school your face into something thoughtful and shy.  “I could...I could show you how I’ve been touching myself while you’ve been away. I’ve missed you so much, I...did it almost every day.” 

He stares at you. 

“You, mon coeur, are bad, bad woman.” Desire flashes, burning bright, in his eyes. “Fine, if that’s what you wish.” 

You can only laugh as, before you can feign innocence, he sweeps you into his arms, tugging your robe closed as he practically sprints through the doors. His growls at the way you lick down his neck are warnings, the flash of his fangs at you arousing you more than you would have once thought possible. 

“I couldn’t sleep last night, wondering if I should just give in and sneak into your room. Wake you up with a sweet kiss or with your cock in my mouth,” you whisper in his ear, sucking at his earlobe. “You always like that.”

“___,” he warns, even as his grip tightens. “I’m not joking, my love. Say another word and you’ll live to regret it.” 

You nod solemnly. He looks satisfied as you grow closer to his chambers. Just as the doors are in sight, you catch his attention with a quick oh! 

“I used the hairbrush you gave me once. Just a little bit–”

He kicks the doors open and tosses you on the bed, striding back to slam them shut. There’s that dark, unforgiving sort of lust in his eyes and it’s exactly what you’ve been craving. You slip your robe off your shoulders as his thumbs hook into the waistband of your panties, leaning over you to get them off as you pull the bustier over your head.

“On your back. Spread your legs, you know what to do. I want you ready for me.” He brushes your hair away from your forehead. “And darling–you will not come.” 

Your fingers pause in their light stroking. 

“Comte?” 

“I know you heard me. Your first for the night will be with me. Allow me this, please.” He runs a warm palm up the length of your leg, and to your slight surprise, he takes a seat next to you instead. “Go on, show me.” 

You’re inexplicably nervous at first, with him looming over you, but with the way his hands glide over every inch of your skin, tender yet possessive, and his mouth sampling wherever it pleases–it doesn’t take long before your hips are jerking up into your hand. His fingers caress your soft breasts, tugging at the pebbled peaks, sucking until they appear nearly swollen.

You peek up at him, catching the slight bob of his throat as he looks at the fingers sinking into your heat. You don’t think twice before slipping them out and holding them up to his mouth, and he takes them into his mouth with a soft groan and you take this wonderful opportunity to peek at the tent at the front of his pants.

“I didn’t tell you to stop,” he says, but doesn’t stop licking until your skin is free of your slick. 

“You just looked so hungry, I couldn’t help it.” He doesn’t argue and doesn’t fight you when you pull him down next to you. He just watches you, fervent and patient, breath growing heavier as you unbutton his shirt before shifting your attention to his pants, tugging them down his toned thighs, smiling at the wet spot in his silk underpants before you help him pull them off.

His hips jerk up when your tongue circles his nipples, his hands digging into the sheets as you lick a warm path across his collarbone, a choked groan leaving him when your hand sneaks past his neglected cock to cup his balls. But as you’d suspected, his patience is nowhere to be found tonight as he groans and yanks you up into a torrid kiss.

“I thought you were going to punish me,” you manage to ask in between his heated kisses, hot jolts of arousal sparking through you at his weak moans as you stroke his cock, spreading his slick along the length. 

“Later,” he mumbles, dragging his tongue along your jaw, his abdomen taut as he twists under your touch. “Later. I need you.” 

He sits up, his tongue still licking into your mouth, and his hands are everywhere. On the nape of your neck, down your spine, digging into your waist, squeezing your ass. Urgent, needy sounds escape his mouth and send your blood pumping through you. 

It’s one of those nights.

You hold him close, even as he moans at the slow rut of your hips against his, your dripping entrance sliding over his length and back, and his fingers dig into your skin as he looks at you through half-lidded eyes, lips never too far from yours.

There are times when he loves a slow, unhurried seduction, to woo you and take his time pampering you. And there are times when he all he needs is to lose himself in your heat, needs you to peel back his carefully crafted layers and dig into the man underneath, to pull him out and hold him to your chest. This man who loses his composure, who throws his head back on a near-silent moan as you sink onto his length, who clings to you as you begin a quick, harsh tempo. 

“I’ve got you,” you whisper, your voice breaking, spine arching when he slips in deeper. “I’ve got you.” 

He holds on to your hips when you falter, stopping you from rising up and keeping his cock deep in you. “Ma moité. If I could, I would stay here forever. I would keep you in my bed, bury myself in you and never move again.” 

“Fu-,” you gasp as he grinds deeper, as if trying to gain access to your very soul, to get his hands on what makes you you and hoard it for himself. He thrusts up, his grip on your hips helping you move against him, forcing you harder onto his cock.

“Mm. Je t'aime et je t'aimerai pour toujours.” You shudder as his honeyed tone roughens into a rumble. He kisses you, hard and fast, and your mind can’t muster up a coherent thought as he bounces you in his lap. 

Comte stops to rise to his knees and press you into the bed, hooking your legs around his waist. He continues to push deeper, with his cock and his body, until your legs are bent, thighs nearly touching your sides. 

“Hold on tight, darling.”

You’re going to need tomorrow off, you realize in a distant part of your mind as he rears back to slam his hips into yours. Your head crashes back into the plush mattress, muscles straining as you try to meet his thrusts. The refined persona sheds completely and his fangs slip out, and your breath catches in your throat, your cunt clenching tight in the face of the other side of him. His hair is in complete disarray, falling wildly around him, his eyes are all greed and lust, but his hands are gentle as they slip into yours and pin them above your head. 

“You’re so beautiful. So bright,” he murmurs, pressing rough kisses over your breasts, groaning at the taste of your skin.  And you can only laugh, at this moon turned man kissing his devotion onto your skin when you’re burning inside out with desire and elation, when you’ve managed to draw the moon down into your arms and hold him in your arms. 

“I love you,” you sob, trembling with the force of his thrusts and the ardour in his gaze. The anklet jiggles where it hangs over your ankle. You drop your head back, baring your throat to him and you can feel him struggle with his overwhelming need as he whines low in his throat and leans in.

“And I love you.”

His fangs graze your skin ever so lightly even as he pounds into you, and with one last thought of how there probably hadn’t been any point in retreating to the bedroom, you scream as his fangs break through the barrier of your skin. One of his hands slips between your legs, pressing insistently. 

“My name, ma chérie. Say my name.” 

It leaves you on a broken moan as you come hard around him, your walls squeezing him frantically, and his hips stutter as he continues to suck greedily, his sinful moans muffled by your skin. You can’t stop trembling as he pumps himself into you, mind-numbing pleasure stealing your mind away. His mouth leaves your skin just as he loses control, a warmth filling your trembling sex as you watch him swallow dazedly. 

His pupils are blown almost completely wide as his licks around the edges of his lips, hips slowing to a stop as you both look at each other, chests heaving, skin slick with sweat. His blinks rapidly at the taste of your blood, looking half-intoxicated, eyes raking over your flushed skin and wild hair.

“...are you alright?” he asks gently, and you can’t quite speak just yet, nodding mutely in response. He licks the puncture wound clean, wrapping his arms around you and lifting you up, shuffling around the bed until he relaxes back into the pillows with you clinging to him, his softening length still buried in you. “Could we stay like this for a while?” 

“Mm. Yes, please,” you finally mumble, and he holds you tighter, smoothing his hand up and down your back. “Feels nice.”

He laughs softly, and you muster up all your strength to shift up and kiss him straight on the mouth, the taste of copper strong on your tongue. You brush past it insistently, tangling your tongue with his as you swallow his soft noises. He keeps you there, breath mingling, smiling fondly as you fight to keep your eyes open, your skin pleasantly warm against his.

His skin is bright with the afterglow, every line of his face relaxed, and you marvel at how unguarded he looks right now. Even now, moonlight falls in through the windows, trying to reach him, but he’s content to kiss the tip of your nose with a soft mwah, repeating it despite your complaints about sweat. You return it, stretching up to reach his nose, and it turns into a swift exchange of kisses until you’re both smiling like complete fools.

“...Did you really use the hairbrush?”  He sighs softly, tucking your head under his chin. “I would love to see that, but I can always get you better toys.”

Your responding snort is more amused than disgruntled. “Would that include ones I can use on you?”

He’s quiet for a moment, before pressing his slow smile into your hair, the rise and fall of his chest steady under your cheek.

“Mm. Anything you want.” 

Translations:

ma chérie: my darling 

mon trésor: my treasure

Mon moité: my (other/better) half

Je t'aime et je t'aimerai pour toujours: I love you and I will always love you/I will love you forever

ending note bc I can’t shut up: the moon was so gorgeous last night, I actually stepped out to get a better look. It seemed to have an almost golden tint to it, which made me think ‘Ah, yes. Comte.’ And then I rushed back in. Yes I’m that b*tch. Romance, baby. its 6 am i havent slept 

[daddynegandesires]

My little runaway pt. 3

(Summary: after returning back to the sacutuary negan leaves on one of his runs only to come back to an unexpected turn of events.)

⚠Warning: strong language, angst, physical fighting, smut⚠

Mature content

3 days later

Its been days since negan has been out on his run youve been helping out around the sanctuary cleaning and cooking for everyone. You have been letting people slide without using their points for food and other activities. The point system always seemed like a dumb idea to you never seemed fair to have people earn points just for things they desperately needed. Finishing up the dishes in the kitchen you heard everyone in the dining hall go silent. You walked around the corner to see everyone on their knees..negan must have arrived you kept yourself hidden in the kitchen knowing you havent been exactly following by his rules since he has been gone. Quietly finishing putting up the dishes you sneak outside around back moments before negan suddenly bursts outside.

"(Y/n)....where are you!!" Negan began pacing around looking for you when he turned the corner to see you leaning up against the wall

"You!..."

Negan charged up to you grabbing you by the throat slamming you against the wall.

"What is with you!?" You said clearly before getting all of the air stuck from entering into you

Negan began to drag you back inside infront of all saviors throwing you on the floor with a loud thump as your body hit the ground.

" i want everyone to see whos in charge here and its me!! Not her..me...im sorry you guys have to witness this the hard way....but you leave me no other choice..rules are rules!" negan gripped lucille tightly raising her above his head

You were sitting on the concrete floor still trying to comprehend everything that is going on and, in a sudden flash you were struck across the arm. A sharp shooting pain bursted throughout my whole body causing me to scream in agony. Blood was rushing down your arm you covered it with your hand feeling it seep between your fingers. You were now laying on the floor crying infront of everyone feeling humiliated while negan stood there with a nasty grin. He began to get ready to strike you again. The bat slashed across your arm again this time harder and more painful feeling of the barbwire sinking into your flesh ripping it off. You tried to protect your face with your hands before he could get another swing in. Blood now splattered all over negan your screams now filled the building of the sanctuary

"Negan stop!" Dwight stepped infront of negan blocking you

Negans eyes grew black as he realized what dwight was doing. He knew he was getting his fair share of punishment too for stepping up.

"She cant take it.....negan she is your bestfriend she is bleeding out you are going to kill her!" Dwight yelled

Realizing what he had just done negan dropped lucille to the ground everything began to feel like it was in slow-motion and, my head was pounding. Negan pushed Dwight out of the way and scooped you up dripping blood all over his white shirt he rushed you to the doctor they had there. Busting in through the door he placed you down on the operating table the last thing you seen was negan staring back at you before everything went black.

*Nightmare*

"Fuck me harder..." You could feel yourself slowly buckling under him.

With every thrust negan was grunting louder his cock filled you up perfectly. The wetness of your pussy making that sexy sound he loved so much. You had almost forgotten that you were fucking in his and lucilles bed...which made you feel like a peice of shit. Lucille was in the hospital dying from cancer and negan said this was a way to help him "cope". I thought otherwise....

"Fuck you are so tight.....your pussy feels so fucking good" negan moaned biting at your neck slamming into your pussy faster.

You began to drag your nails down his back causing him to grunt out in pain he then grabbed you by the throat squeezing untill you let out small moans. He began fucking you faster you couls feel his cock swelling up inside of you getting him closer to the edge of blowing his load. He took his free hand gently rubbing it over your clit. Your moaning grew louder and louder the faster his fingers went.

"Negan.....how could you!" A faint voice called out.....

*end of Nightmare*

You suddenly woke up in a sweaty panic to only realize you were hooked up to IV monitor's. You began to raise yourself up when a sharp pain beamed through your arm causing you to cry out in pain you looked around the room and spotted negan in the chair beside you slumped over fast asleep. Everything that happended slwoly started coming back to you negan humiliating you infront of everyone and, almost killing you with lucille.

"Your up..." Neagn said in a raspy tired tone

You couldn't bring yourself to say anything to him not after what he just did to you he could have killed you!. All you could do was stare at him you didnt even know who you were staring at anymore all you knew is that you had to get out of here nothing will ever change with him. Ever.

Negan rose up from his seat moving over to the bed sitting down by you he raised up his hand to caress your face which caused you to flinch. His face looked full of guilt and sadness he was struggling to keep eye contact with you. You pushed his hand off of you shooting him a dirty look.

"I need you to leave....now" you spoke through gritted teeth turning your face away from him.

"I dont want anything to do with you ever again!!..im done with you..now get out!" A fire grew inside of you, your voice full of rage there was no other choice but to distance yourself from this moster. Negans face twitched at the words that had just came out of your mouth he looked at you one last time before stading up to grab Lucille. It felt like there was a knot in your throat it was hard for you to do this but it had to end this way.

-------------

Its been weeks since me and negan have spoke let alone make eye contact with eachother. Ive been getting along with everyone nicely in the sanctuary even have been going on a few supply runs, not with negan course. My arm was almost fully healed but im left with an eye sore of a scar i have to deal with for the rest of my life. I cant forgive negan for what he did to me he went to far this time i can no longer put my trust in him. My night terrors have been increasingly bad lately i always end up tossing and turning all night. Dwight and i have actually been getting along with eachother and working as a team he has been keeping in touch with rick for me. Dwight isnt so fond of negan anymore either hes been sneaking around behind negans back giving information to Daryl.

I was in my room getting dressed when there was a sudden knock on my door it was dwight.

"Hey...how you doing?" He walked in leaving the door open behind him

"Im okay. Whats up?" I questioned, while sliding a knife into my belt loop

"Im not sure how to say this but we have to go on a run today wit-"

"Okay? Thats fine with me" i cut him off mid scentence while sliding on my leather jacket

"With negan..." He finished.

You took a deep breath in and ruffled your hair with your fingers annoyingly before letting your hands fall on your thighs causing it to make a slapping sound. Dwight stood there staring at the ground nervously waiting for you to respond.

"Okay then..." Letting out a deep sigh as much as you didnt want to be around negan you really didnt have any other choice right now. You and dwight left your room only to bump yourself into negan causing you both to grunt you just pushed right past him not saying anything making your way out to the truck ready to leave. Negan walks outside up to the truck you can hear him faintly whispering to someone. The door flings open and with one swift motion negan plops down in his seat slamming the door shut. You could feel negans eyes on you from the rearview mirror. Dwight hopped in the driver seat and drove off causing for an awkward silence untill we reached our destination.

"I gotcha.." Dwight said holding out his hand to help you out of the truck

All you could do was keep quiet and take the offer dwight was giving, negan as usual was standing there with a cocked smile ready at any moment to say some smartass bullshit. The three of us began to walk off when we came up on a pharmacy the windows were untouched, no broken glass all of the shelves look fully stocked Negan walked in tapping lucille on the counter giving warning to any walkers that could be inside. I followed behind him heading straight over to the medicine filling my bag up. All negan could do was walk around while watching me and dwight stock up on everything we needed.

"This place is a gold mine....untouched" negan said pacing back and forth

You were watching Negan gaze out of the front window of the building when we heard a yell come from the backroom we all quickly ran back there it was a man getting eaten by a walker, ripping his flesh off of his bones peice by peice.

"Put him out of his misery what are you waiting for!!?" You panicked yelling at negan

"Dwight ..." Negan said in a low tone

"You fucking coward!" You quickly pulled your gun out of your pocket pulling the trigger putting a bullet in the poor mans skull

"Wow....fiesty..." Negan said licking his bottom lip

"You fucking disgust me!...you are pathetic!!" You shoved your gun back into your pocket marching up to negan

"Dont excite me now darlin.." He let out a dirty grin slicking his hair back with his free hand

"Im so fucking tired of you...you act like you are the greatest man alive. You are a cheater! And a liar! Thats all you ever will be lucille would of never wanted this!" you screamed in his face before marching back to the truck. Negan and dwight came out to the truck shortly while gathering up the rest of the supplies. All you could do was sit with your arms crossed and a bitchy look on your face. Negan kept glacing at you out of the corner of his eye as if he had to keep watch over you.

When you arrived back at the sanctuary you rushed out of the truck storming off to your room slamming the door shut behind you. You were rumaging through the cabnets hoping to find a bottle of alcohol to calm yourself down with. The thoughts just kept floading through your head the night lucille died...you couldnt get negan cheating on her out of your mind you felt so guily so, disgusted with yourself...you were her bestfriend and you were fucking her husband. Grabbing ahold of the glass filled with dark brown alcohol you popped the lid off bringing it up to your lips. The smell of it almost stinging your nose, swallowing the alcohol it burned your throat a feeling you havent felt inawhile. Tears were streaming down your face as you slide down the wall behind you chugging down your drink. I just want to forget everything...

[beanst0ck]

‘ They aren't a demon slayer but still travel with Zenitsu even though it's dangerous and Tanjirou has told them that but they don't listen, and since Zenitsu is scared all the time why not a situation with a demon where the reader is terrified and he realizes he has to be serious and help/protect them ‘ - @katthestupidwizard​

Zenitsu? Being Badass? Only when he’s asleep but thank you for requesting Iza!! Since you refered to the reader as they/them I made it a gender neutral! reader

Protect You

Pairing: Zenitsu x GN! Reader

Unedited

Word count: 1539

" (Y/NNNNNNN)!! "

Suddenly a body pressed itself against you and you felt arms wrap around your body, almost knocking you over from the unexpected weight. You clenched your weapon in your hands, trembling in fear at the demon in front of you. " Zenitsu! Please let me go! You need to kill that demon! " You tried to shake him off of you, but he tightened his hold on you.

He shook his head, " NO! CANT YOU SEE I CANT KILL THAT THING?! IM NOT STRONG ENOUGH! “

Tanjiro sighed, pulling out his black nichirin blade. This was a low level demon, Tanjiro could tell. The demon hasn't eaten many humans and is relying on on its poor agility to avoid the slayer's attacks. One more strike... Tanjiro ran towards the demon, gripping his sword tightly in his right hand. " Breath of Water first form, Water Surface Slash! "

He quickly swung at the demon, not giving him a chance to dodge. The demon's head flew over Tanjiro, heading straight for you. You shrieked and ducked as the disintegrating head barely missed you, hitting Zenitsu straight in the face. He let go of you and backed away, " AHHHHHH! GET IT OFF GET IT OFF! "

You sighed as Zenitsu fell to the floor while holding his face and screaming. Tanjiro placed a hand on your shoulder, " Are you alright (Y/n)? "

You nodded, " Yea, thanks for asking- "

" HEY! GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY (Y/N)! " Zenitsu jumped up and snatched you into his arms, away from Tanjiro, " YOU WONT TAKE THEM AWAY FROM ME! "

Tanjiro held his hands up in defense, " I wasn't trying to, Zenitsu.. "

He huffed and pulled you closer to him, glaring at Tanjiro for placing his hand on you. You patted his back at a rapid pace, " C-Can't breathe!- "

" Huh? " Zenitsu looked down at you before loosening his grip on you, " (Y/n)! Don't leave me for Tanjiro! "

You let out a nervous laugh, " Don't worry, I won't.. "

Zenitsu separated himself from you when Tanjiro's crow began to yell out directions to their next mission. Apparently a town a few minutes south from your current location has a situation with a wild bear. At night it sneaks into people's houses and devours its victims, leaving nothing behind but a bloody mess. You shivered hearing the description of the mission.

You have nothing to defend yourself but a hardwood stick. You would've become a demon slayer just like your friends, but you aren't able to use any breath styles. Usually, when Zenitsu was crying about how he can't defeat a demon, Tanjiro would step in and save you. He often questioned why you tagged along but you would always respond with the same thing.

" Zenitsu protected me once and for that, I owe him my life. "

Of course when you told Zenitsu this he thought you meant you'd marry him- to which you quickly said no. But you did agree to follow him along his journey and help him in anyway you could.

The three of you begin to walk towards the town and you arrive just as the sun is setting. " I think it would be best if we don't walk too far from one another since we don't know the layout of the town yet. " Tanjiro suggested and you nodded in agreement.

" I think I'm going to take a look over there. " You pointed towards a house that was near a patch of trees.

" Alright, I think I'll takeWas at the house that was recently attacked since it's only a couple of blocks away. Please be safe, ok (Y/n)? " Tanjiro glanced at you worriedly and you gave him a thumbs up, " I will! "

" HUH?! What about me?! You guys can't leave me here alone! " Zenitsu cried out.

" You should search for the demon too Zenitsu. Maybe you'll find him? " You looked back at Zenitsu to see that he was already panicking.

You sigh, " Fine, you can come with me."

Grabbing Zenitsu's wrist you gently pull him towards your destination, him sniffling the whole way. Once you arrive at the house you notice that the doors are wide open. Taking a peak inside you see that the house is empty, the few furniture pieces that remain inside seemed to have been scratched and tainted with blood. You took a step inside, noticing a certain area on the wooden floor that seemed to be stained worse than the rest of the area." Ah, I guess this was one of the houses that- "

" AHHHH! We need to get out of here! T-This was the house that was!- "

You jumped over and placed your hands over his mouth, instantly shutting him up. " Shh! What if the demon is nearby? " you whispered, " we need to stay ca- "

" Ahhh, I smell dinner~ "

You and Zenitsu immediately freeze at the sound of the unfamiliar voice. It was so smooth yet it carried a sharp edge to it at the same time. A hand could be seen gripping onto the edge of the window and slowly a body perched itself on the ledge.

" Oh? Two full course meals? This must be my special day!~ " The demon stuck his thin tongue out that was split in the middle.

The demon's sclera were a light green while the pupils were sharp and thin, like a snake's eyes. His pale skin stood out from the dark green raggedy clothing he wore. He smirked once he noticed the two of you tremble with fear. He stuck his tongue out again, practically smelling the fear the two of you emanated.

He hopped down from the window ledge and onto the wood floor with a small thud. You clutched onto Zenitsu's yellow and orange gradient haori in fear, " Z-Zenitsu... " you muttered out softly, tears beginning to gather at the corner of your eyes.

You felt him wrap his arms around your body tightly before he went limp. Looking up you see his head tilted back, his eyes are closed and you could practically see his soul leave his body. You gulp, " Z-Zenitsu... Zenitsu! " you cried in a shaky voice, " don't do this to me Zenitsu! Not now! "

You shake his body, trying to get him to come back to consciousness. " Oh no, seems that my dinner was too frightened by my presence... No matter, you'll make an excellent appetizer.~ " he smirked and began walking over to you.

Grabbing your stick you take a defensive stance in front of Zenitsu. He saved you once, so maybe today was the day you'd repay him for his kindness. The demon stopped in his tracks and began cackling, " You think you can actually defeat me? A lowly human such as yourself? " He held his hand up and diagonally sliced the air.

You held your stick in front of you, bracing for his attack but nothing came. Suddenly, your stick snapped in half. The cut was clean and straight down the middle. You slowly backed away in fear, tripping over Zenitsu's leg. No... you gripped the two pieces of wood in your hands, I have to protect Zenitsu!

You quickly stand, noticing the demon was preparing for another attack. Just as the demon sends another attack towards you a flash of yellow blocks your vision. You look behind you and see that Zenitsu was no longer on the floor, but instead now he was right in front of you. Even though his back was facing you you could tell something was different about him. He seemed less, afraid. His hand reached over to draw his nichirin blade from its scabbard. " Thunder Breathing, first form.. "

He rushed towards the demon, who took a step back from the sudden attack. " Thunderclap and Flash! " he brought out his sword and in an instant the demon's head was rolling on the floor.

Zenitsu places his sword back and opened his eyes. He looked around the room, seeing you tremble in the corner out of fear and the decapitated demon. He let out a scream and jumped away from the demon's head. Seeing Zenitsu revert back to his original self made even more tears swell up in your eyes. You stood up and ran to him, embracing him in a tight hug. He stumbled back, not expecting your embrace. " Zenitsu! " you cried and hugged him even tighter, " you did it! Thank you! "

Slowly you two fell to the floor. He had no idea what were talking about but hugged you back, enjoying your warm embrace. You continued to to cry in his arms, apologizing for not being able to protect him properly. All he could do was awkwardly rub circles on your back in a soothing manner. After a few minutes you let go of him and rubbed your eyes, " I'm sorry, I guess I owe you double now, huh? "

He blinked repeatedly after hearing your question. Zenitsu eagerly grabbed your hands and brought them to his chest, " Please marry me! "

" Huh?! "

You weren't expecting him to ask you again after you had turned him down so many times. Over the course of your journey though, you had grown to like the blonde crybaby. Looking him in the eye you gave him a smile, " Alright, I'll marry you. "

[xmalereader]

The Mandalorian X Male Reader

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|| Masterlist ||

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@gummywormsarechill

Requested: could you do a Mando x reader where they'd always flirt jokingly and after a while Mando would have that moment when he realizes he likes the reader and does that little "oh"?

Warnings: Fluff, flirting!

-

Sorry it’s short I thought it came out longer!!

-

Din has been traveling around the galaxy with the foundling and with a new recruit that he met not to long ago. The two had easily gotten along to the point where they couldn’t even take each other seriously because of all the joking around and the teasing that they do to each other. The young recruit that was traveling with them went by the name of Y/n, he used to be a mechanic when they first met but now he was a helping the mandalorian with taking care of the child and traveling around, din was teaching him how to become a bounty hunter since he was going out need his help later on in the future, it was their job now to raise the little one together as a family.

“You are doing it wrong.”

“How hard is it to put a child to sleep?!” Din hisses out, holding the child in his arms as it continued to whine and squirm in his arms. “I put him to sleep many times without struggling.” Y/n scoffs and rolls his eyes, the two have been trying to put the child to sleep for almost two hours now but all it did was whine and cry. They’ve already checked if it was hungry or if it wanted a diaper change. “Maybe he’s not tired?” Y/n takes the child from din and gently sets him down in the crib that he had made for the little foundling.

Immediately, the child goes silent once its set inside the crib. “You are kidding right?” Y/n grumbling out, glaring at the child who only cooed at him and giggled, reaching out its small tiny green hand to touch the others face. “Maybe he wants to kill us slowly.” Din jokes out and watched the two closely. “If this kid wanted us dead then yeah, he’ll probably want us to suffer slowly.” He leans forward to place a small kiss on the kids head before stroking its big ears. He stands up from his crouching positions, standing next to the mandalorian.

Din glanced over to the other male, smirking at him. “You act more like a dad than I do.”

“Seriously? You were the one who found him and took him in, he’s your son not mine.” The other shot back, smirking back before climbing up the ladder and into the cockpit. The razor crest was on autopilot and heading to their next destination, the two have been in space for a couple of days now and they need to find a place to land so that they can stretch their legs and fuel up the razor crest. “We close?” Din asks, climbing up after Y/n. “Almost just a few more minutes and will be arriving,” he looks over to the mandalorian. “Best you stay with the kid, you know what happened the last time we left him alone.”

Din groans as the memory came screaming back at him, he remembers leaving the child down below deck thinking that he was going to be okay, only to come back and see the child holding one of his blades with a large smile on his small face. It took Din awhile to take the blade away from the kid, making sure that he didn’t get hurt. It was a huge nightmare for him that he had to keep his weapons locked away from the child, not wanting to go through that same thing again.

“Right.” Din simply climbs back down to see the kid still inside the crib, he wiggled his ears once he spotted the mandalorian. Cooing at the other for attention.

“Aww he wants his daddy.”

Din turns around to see Y/n hanging upside down from the ladder with a huge grin on his face. The mandalorian sighs and approached him, “IM already raising the foundling.” He answers, his baskar helmet only inches away from the others face, realizing on how close he was to y/n he quickly takes a few steps back. Trying to act non-chalont. “Just guide the ship around until he arrive, ill take care of the kid.” He quickly says, trying to clear away the tension that was slowly forming but of course y/n was the oblivious one that he had no idea what was going.

“Okay?” He raised a brow in confusion before shrugging it off and getting back to the cockpit, leaving Din and the child on their own.

The child lets a small gurgling sound, getting the mandalorians attention. “What?” Din reached over to pick up the child and set him on his lap, the child was facing him. His small hand reached out to touch the silver Beskar that he quickly took a liking too. Hearing the other breath and Watch the child. “I know what you’re thinking.” Not really. “I don’t think Y/n has noticed but lately the two have us have been acting closer than ever, probably more than just friends.” He began to talk to the child, staring down at him. “Yeah, we tease each other and flirt but lately it feels like more...I guess?” He gently takes the small child’s hands into his own, getting the kids attention. “What do you think?” He asks.

The foundling tilts his head to the side, his ears moving up and down as he listens. His only responses was to stare at the mandalorian.

“Maybe I shouldn’t say anything.”

“Say what?”

Din flinched at the sudden voice of Y/n, standing by the ladder with a small smile. “Talking ot The kid again?” He walks over ot the mandalorian and sits down across from him, stretching out is legs as he randomly lies down on the cool floor of the ship. “You know I always talk to the kid, its a habit.” Said din, letting the child crawl off his lap and make his way towards Y/n. Making grabby hands at the other male which Y/n gladly accepts. He picks up the kid and blows raspberries at him, earning a loud giggle.

“It’s jate’shya ibic ara, par jii.”

Y/n hears Din and cocks his head. “What does that mean?”

“Nothing.” The mandalorian says, standing up.

“What?! You cant just say something and not tell me what it means!” The other whines out.

Din smiles under his helmet. “You’ll learn what it means once I teach you the language.”

“Noooo!!” Y/n held the child in his arms and falls back onto the ground dramatically, causing the mandalorian to shake his head and roll his eyes.

[asa-kai]

Ref. to Chapter 177

Faint chirps of sparrows blending with the soft blow of air from the sea. All of that is crystal clear for Saionji Ukyo the former Sonar man from the Kingdom of Science.

It was almost like yesterday, when they were still sailing on the big blue beneath the widespread  sky along with seagulls and now they are making their way to their next destination-South America.

After a long day of riding their motorbikes the crew made a stop to eat and rest. Thanks to Senku's customized motorbikes they can quickly outrun Stanley and his team.

Although they made it that far, the fact they're being pursued can't settle in Ukyo's mind.

Looking around finding a high place to spend the night he found a huge boulder high enough for anyone to bother climbing but just the right one for him to reach the top.

This little climbing is nothing compared to his past special forces training, he proudly recall. It would be nice though if he can find a tree on the dessert just like that back on the days when he's still working for the Tsukasa's Empire. Where he will watch Tsukasa break human statues in front of him....

Shaking off the bad memories, he perched on the top absorbing the nostalgia  of the night.

"Finally a relaxing silence" he thought to himself.

Or he thought so......

The minimal noises from the campfire can't escape his sensitive ears. The laughter and the conversations are still loud enough for him to be heard.

"It can't be helped, if only I can shut them like my eyes." Ukyo pouted gazing above the night sky again.

He kept wondering if they could defeat Stanley or reach their destination safely or if they could even survive anything that could happen tonight.

He was so disturbed of the thought of what he's going to do if Senku can't fufill his promise that nobody dies. Calming his nerves and clearing his thoughts he starts to close his tired eyes.

Just then he heard footsteps below coming toward the boulder his perching on and base on the weight,speed and pattern of the footsteps it matches someone from the battle team.

"Kohaku?" Ukyo mumbled without realizing saying it out loud.

The huntress' vigilant eyes suddenly looked up to the perching archer.

"What are you doing up there?"

Before the young man can say a word he was surprised to see Kohaku sitting next to him enough for sending him to jolt.

She's really fast. The boulder must be really just a pebble to her

Despite the archer's obvious reaction the huntress seems to be deep into thoughts. She tilt her head up to sky and smile wistfully. Forgetting what just happened the man beside decided to join his new company's little stargazing.

The breeze is faint yet cool, chilling their skin but making one smile lightly.

Kohaku turned her head into the campfire's direction and stared back to the sky. Noticing that she's been doing it five times from now,Ukyo getting concerned finally asked the restless lady.

"Um...You've been looking back five times already...what seems to be the matter?"

" Oh sorry....did I bothered you?"Kohaku replied flustered.

" No not at all but I just get a little concrened." He sheepishly smiled.

The crescent moon dimly radiates light on landscape around them. Its almost vague but Ukyo can absolutely tell that Kohaku just smiled again. A meaningful yet gloom smile at that, as she turn around again back to the usual place under her observation.

"So...are you looking at Senku?" Ukyo forcedly scoffed.

Kohaku darted her eyes at the resident archer with a fearful look. However the pink blush on her face gave away the answer.

"Ukyo don't tell me...."

Her voice alone is already eerie when shes talking like that, no wonder they call her beastly names. But right now Ukyo fears that she'll blow, he can't break his good impression he left on Kohaku.

No one would want to ruin her trust

....."you can hear other people's thoughts?!"

Ukyo let out a loud laugh that Kohaku have never heard coming from him. Since he is usually silent the huntress was left jaw dropped.

"Sorry, I just thought it was absurd but its obvious that your looking at our crafty scientist."

Looking at Kohaku's blank face he continued.

"Observance is everything Kohaku you know that right? First of all Hyoga and Tsukasa is present on the campfire so you will have no reason to be worry of a sudden attack. Second you just finished putting Suika to sleep so you came up here to unwind, clearly enough to conclude that your confident that the crew is safe"

" But Ukyo how did you know I was looking at Senku?" Kohaku questioned poking her chin.

Ukyo took off his hat and start tossing it and then he answered.

" Well you know....I spend my free time observing both nature and people and through all that there's not a time I will not hear a talk about you two especially from Ginro..."

" Ginro....that scum..."

" Its not his fault though since his trying his best to lower his voice, I just happen to still hear it anyway." He concluded wearing his makeshift hat again.

"Oh having such great ears an advantage yes?" Kohaku sarcastically grinned.

" Its not that great"  Ukyo defended, besides you two usually hang out together-just the two of you." Realizing he had said to much Ukyo turn to Kohaku to see her reaction.

" Oh so your a stalker now huh?" Kohaku even grinned wider and there is literally like a black smoke surrounding her right now.

Ukyo gulped down with two beads of sweat on his face, but what he expects on what the huntress is going to do is turned down though.

Kohaku hug her knees and hide her face.

"Who am I to be offended by you...Im the same too. I will sometimes shortly glance at Senku when he's not aware and I don't know why. I constantly worry about him as an ally and friend but I think its getting out of hand and  becoming a habit."

Although Kohaku is not showing a bit of faze on her tone but he can tell that she's worried and troubled for some reason.

"At least you can just close your eyes and never look again." Ukyo pointed out.

" That's the problem I can't turn away my eyes on him nor I can shut them. Not when there's another girl beside him" Kohaku's voice cracked at the last words she said.

Ukyo just came to a realization how wonderous yet coincedental life  can be sometime

Moments ago  he's worrying about the well-being of his friends who are safe sound but his companion is worrying about her problem on worrying too much  about Senku than the given normal.

Him worrying about the things that are still not happening.

Her worrying about a small thing but tormenting her right now

However he can relate on Kohaku's envy on her advantageous sense of sight.

"Our so called gifts can be such a nuisance huh? But maybe you can still use their trouble you know?"

Kohaku is now a friend and an ally to him and he will gladly help her if she need it.

It is the first time he'll personally offer help to the mighty huntress. Given Kohaku's physique its almost though she will need no help but ironically right now  she's carrying which sometging which is to say in the old world a common problem but even she the mighty Kohaku can't handle it on her own. Theres no human who haven't experienced jealousy not even once.

Kohaku hanging on what he just said paid her attention closely to the archer as if like  desperate child looking for answers.

Ukyo can't even conclude if she's solely worrying about Senku's well-being or if its something more than that and it looks like Kohaku is doubting herself as well.

Ukyo took a deep breath hoping what he's going to say will help.

"Like I said Kohaku, observation is everything."

The huntress gets even more attentive at this point. Confirming the words in his head Ukyo continues.

"The truth is I'm also envious of my sensitive hearing, sometimes I will hear things Im not suppose to hear but you know what really helps? Ukyo paused giving a warm smile.

Yes what Kohaku needs right now is emphathy  even though his knowledge in psychology is inferior that of Gen but it is one of the common and genuine way to help out anyone.

..."I just let it."

Kohaku slightly flinch and her eyes widened.

"Forcing yourself to hold it in even when your about to throw up just makes matters worse right?  I should know, my first day at the submarine makes me really sick that I want to pull my gut out."

Yes your'e not alone

...

...

" Uh sorry about the gruesome illustration."

"No its only normal." Kohaku brushed off.

That's Senku's lioness for you

"I knew Im not the only one... But what I fear if I get attach to him and letting go will be more difficult." Kohaku lamented.

The issue is now clear. She's just blaming it all to her eyes but the real deal is her feelings.

She's growing alright and it is unavoidable for anyone to feel that way.

Like Ukyo can see Senku and Kohaku had been literally went through blades and stones and their mutual trust makes them good friends but somehow its likly that one might start to look at the other differently.

The pair were silent for a while. Letting the evening aura take over making light sounds of air passing through stones.

Ukyo rest his head against his arms for a second trying to get answers for Kohaku's problem.

Though.....

Is he even fit for solving her problem,maybe it would be better if Gen will tell her....no does he even need to solve it?

"Sorry if I bother you Ukyo, I  get too emotional sometimes." Kohaku stand up and started to brush off the dirt from her navy blue dress and just as she's about to wave goodnight, she sensed a sudden spark beside her. Right there, Ukyo made a little  fire from using his bows and with a dozen of small sticks he gathered.

"The answer depends on your resolve Kohaku...you can either choose to look at him forever or shut your eyes, whatever works best for you all I can do is give you my advice. I don't have the authority to tell you what to do...... But right now why don't you let your senses take you somewhere else. It's getting cold you know." Ukyo hummed while putting more ignition on the fire.

Kohaku was drawn to the relaxing warmth of the newly made campfire a little smaller than that with the rest of the crew. Without knowing it she's starting to forget on what she's chafing about, a moment ago.

Unexpectedly an east wind blew caugthing the duo off-guard letting Kohaku's hair went loose and almost taking Ukyo's hat away. Without warning a stronger wind came and blew their makeshift campfire away, getting dark again so suddenly made Kohaku laugh akin to Ukyo who's groaning over the blown campfire.

"Well, some things don't always look and stay as they seem, one minute ago we have the fire I thought will hold yet now its already gone."Ukyo chuckled though  attempting to make the fire again.

"That makes sense....everything change eventually, up to the point where a problem is no more." Kohaku softly stated coming up to her realization.

Ukyo smiled he was  relieved that Kohaku finally get what he means.

"Well Im glad the lesson Im implying  reached you."The archer exclaimed.

" Life goes on Kohaku"

Kohaku nod and smile in agreement.

"Yeah...I also learned you should never build a small fire on a high windy place". She jokingly concluded.

"Come  on I know that....."Ukyo sheepishly laughed.

The night even grew darker but the stars and the moon appears to grew  even brighter. The pair enjoyed the diamond ornamented void as the evening hyms envelops around them.

"Listen Kohaku" Ukyo whispered.

"This might be just one of my ideals but I always believe that life has many angles that each one can see and discover that's why I don't like anyone to die  because they won't be able to enjoy it if they're dead... So Im convincing you to look at the other angles too Kohaku."

The huntress eyes were opened a hint of sparkles will be found in her eyes and a warm smile on her face being moved of what just her trustworthy comrade said. Although it's still not clear in her mind what he is saying. But whatever it is she will someday understand just like what he said life goes on.

" I'll gladly take the advice,I will surely enjoy, look forward to it."

-end

Obviously this is my first fanfic... Just to be frank I got tired reading the romance genre so I made something platonic and between- friends -kind -of- a -thing fanfic between low-key duo in dr. Stone. (Yes you just read it)

Speaking of low-key I'm also making fanfic for other underrated dcst (so called canon couples)

[thetriggeredhappy]

Sniperscout 34 because. Well

arin im gonna make you SAPPY AGAIN NERD (warnings for mention of violence and blood)

#34: Returned from the dead kiss.

Sniper didn’t know what to expect when he opened the door to his camper, but it wasn’t Scout.

“Hey,” Scout said, looking him up and down.

Sniper’s mouth moved wordlessly for a few seconds before he found something to say. “Uh. Hey,” was all he could think of, and he winced at it.

Scout’s eyes fell off to one side of him, hands in his pockets. Sniper knew that something had happened to Scout during the months after the team disbanded, something that made him hesitant all of a sudden, fidgety, but he didn’t think he had any right to pry. “Remember when you said you’d take me on a road trip when the war was over?” he asked, tone flatter than Sniper remembered it being, but maybe that’s what he deserved, because…

“Yeah,” Sniper admitted, voice quiet. He had said that. But he’d said it because he thought he’d have time, thought he’d have a few months or years to try and get the courage to tell Scout a couple things, thought that when they went on a road trip it’d be something they’d do together not as the unlikely and close-knit friends they’d somehow stumbled into being, but as… “Yeah, I do.”

Scout looked up at him, only for a couple of seconds. There were dark circles under his eyes, a hallowness to him that felt uncomfortably like looking in a mirror. “Well, guess you have another chance,” he said, setting up like he was certain he’d be knocked right back down.

And Sniper hadn’t exactly thought of it that way. The team had banded back together again for the Grey Mann business (excluding Engie, who was apparently doing okay but simply couldn’t make it back for some reason he couldn’t say), returning to the base and everything once the Classic Team was sufficiently dead, only for Miss Pauling to suddenly break the news, that very morning, three days into their arriving there, that their final job had been completed and the money had been wired to their accounts and they were all free to go. In a way, it really was a second chance, one he didn’t think he particularly deserved.

He’d been getting a lot of those lately.

“Okay,” was all he could think to say, still too surprised to think of anything clever to say.

They left the next morning before sunrise, and if Sniper was being honest, he didn’t really have a destination in mind. He just started driving northwest, thinking about pine trees and quiet and time to think. Luckily, Scout didn’t ask for a destination. He just sat down in the passenger seat and turned on the radio.

The radio sufficed to fill in the uncomfortable silence between them for three days of driving. There was no talking, really. Even after months apart, they were capable of reading each other’s signals well enough that directions weren’t necessary. They’d wake up just before sunrise to eat a quick brekkie and start driving, they’d pull over once a day at a rest stop to top off the fuel and for Scout to go inside to get them something to eat, and they’d eat it standing up and leaning on the hood to stretch their legs, and then they’d keep driving until just before it got dark, then they’d pull over somewhere for the night to eat and go to sleep. Sniper would set up a tent for them, they’d both grab their sleeping bags, rinse and repeat.

No words needed. It hurt something in Sniper’s chest to realize that Scout still remembered what food he liked from their various 2AM weekend excursions to damn near anywhere that was still open and willing to sell food to strange half-drunk men.

Sniper hadn’t thought about their lack of words at first. Not until the moment when they’d briefly gone through somewhere with particularly bad radio reception and Scout couldn’t find a station for something like twenty minutes. That was the time when he most felt their silence, the empty space between them. From then on, once he noticed it, he didn’t have the courage to break the spell, the task seeming more and more daunting with each passing day of quiet, more and more like it’d need to be something truly important to not seem hollow, fake.

It was Scout who finally broke the silence.

“Aren’t you tired?” Scout asked, voice so quiet that Sniper was almost positive that he imagined it. But he looked over at Scout out of the corner of his eye, and Scout was looking at him instead of staring out the window. He swallowed hard, and realized all at once that he hadn’t actually spoken in a couple days.

“What do you mean?” he asked, voice a little sandy.

Scout kept looking at him, and Sniper had to break eye contact to look back at the road again. “It’s just… getting pretty late. We should stop for the night,” Scout said.

Sniper realized he was right. It had gotten dark at some point. They usually stopped sometime around sunset so Sniper would have plenty of light to set up the tent, but he’d lost track of time. Zoned out. Suddenly he became aware of how bone-deep tired he was. “Just a little further,” he mumbled, voice still rough, and Scout didn’t respond to that, just looking back out the window.

When they finally pulled over, it was into a proper campground, with fire pits and grills and picnic tables and everything. He set up a little fire before anything else, happy with the fact that it wasn’t exactly prime camping season and there were places for them to go be by themselves. The tent was up next, put up as quickly as he could without risking mistakes, partially because he was sure Scout was tired.

But Scout sat and waited by the fire instead of turning in the moment he could, just watching the flames idly. His face looked even more sunken in the flickering light, and it unnerved Sniper a little to see the way that life had faded out of his eyes just over the course of the little time they’d spent apart.

For a while, quiet. Sniper decided he might as well cook what meat he had left in his camper before it went bad, now that he had the chance, and he did so, bland as it was with so minimal a kitchen available to them. Scout ate without complaint, without even really looking at Sniper.

It occurred to him, trying not to be obvious about the way he was watching Scout, that the reason he unnerved Sniper so much was because he looked half-dead in a lot of ways.

The illusion was only furthered when Scout tossed his paper plate and napkins into the fire and moved to grab his bag.

Every morning and every night, Sniper now knew that Scout had a brief routine. Usually he’d do it while Sniper was setting up or taking down the tent. He had to change his gauze daily, the wound still lingering in some ways from where he’d gotten slashed open. He was no longer on the verge of death, but a few days of on-and-off medical fluid whenever Medic managed to dig up another batch didn’t do much for him, it seemed. Even after years of hunting and killing, Sniper couldn’t force himself to look directly at the wound marring the entirety of Scout’s side, instead watching the detached set of Scout’s expression as he rewrapped it.

But Scout caught him looking, apparently, because he spoke again. “Doc says I‘ll probably never climb again,” he murmured.

It felt very much like he was shot through the chest again. “Yeah?” he asked, voice soft.

“Yeah. And I just…” He paused as he finished up with re-wrapping the wound, pulling his shirt back down into place. “I just didn’t wanna go home until it healed.”

Sniper kept his expression controlled. That could take weeks, months even. And the scarring would probably never properly go away.

“And I know you probably won’t wanna deal with me that whole time,” Scout said next, giving him a tight almost-smile, immediately averting his eyes again. “But… I dunno. However long you’ll let me stick around.”

Sniper didn’t know how long he planned to “stick around”. There was the house, he supposed, probably still falling into ruin, but not much else to go back to.

“I heard about your parents,” Scout finally said, as if he read his mind. “I’m sorry.”

Sniper still didn’t know how to reply to that when people said it to him. He went with a simple “It’s okay.”

“Nah,” Scout replied easily, back to staring into the fire. “But… I dunno. Would you mind giving me a warning in advance for when you want me to leave you alone? I just wanna call my Ma to tell her when I’m going back.”

“Alright,” Sniper said hesitantly.

They started speaking again, mostly in little ways. A day’s rest at the campground before they hit the road again did wonders for morale, and communications being opened between them made things feel… easier, in little ways. In Sniper mentioning “Give me five minutes” when they went to a rest stop before he walked away to use the bathroom or something, in Scout going “hey, turn it back” when Sniper changed the radio station. For some reason, it made Sniper choke up a bit when one day, Scout so quietly murmured a “good night” out into the darkness of the tent.

They reached the upper parts of Washington, and hooked a right. They made it through Montana and into North Dakota before Scout asked the all-important question.

“Where are we going?”

It was asked over another campfire, at yet another campground, half-abandoned. Sniper stoked the flames for a few seconds before he decided on his answer.

“Anywhere you’d like,” he finally murmured.

Quiet. “I’ll get back to you on that,” he seemed to decide. They kept driving.

By the Great Lakes, they still didn’t have a destination, so Sniper broke out a map for the first time and figured out how to try to get them to Florida, for no reason other than the fact that it was far away, and bought him time, something he’d already run out of twice before—once when the team disbanded, and once when he died.

But they were talking more. They found themselves trying to catch up with each other without quite saying that they were catching up. They were back to discussing things, news mostly, although apparently Scout had gotten the time to do some reading during the months before the team got back together.

It was one night when Sniper was changing for bed and Scout ducked in to ask him a question that a topic was finally broached, a landline finally stepped on.

“What the hell is that?” Scout asked, sounding startled, and when Sniper looked up, Scout was staring at his chest. At his stitches.

He pulled on a shirt before anything else, suddenly self-conscious about the way the very tail-end of the stitching peeked out of the short sleeves under his arms. “It’s from when I got shot, and I…”

Died. The word hung in the air between them, paralyzing, horrifying. All at once, real.

“Did I tell you they tried to hang me?” Scout suddenly said.

Sniper blinked. “What?”

“After the trial. We lost the trial. They tried to hang me.”

“I thought Pauling saved you,” Sniper said hesitantly.

“Yeah.” Scout’s jaw was tight. “After they already pulled the lever. When you hang people usually it’s supposed to snap your neck. It didn’t. She got me down about a minute after they pulled the lever. Then I almost died on the way to get Heavy because I got clawed by a bear. Then Saxton Hale and his buff girlfriend almost killed me. Then I got stabbed fighting the Classics.”

“Why are you telling me all this?” Sniper asked, voice tight.

“Because I need you to know that I get it.”

Sniper didn’t have words, all of a sudden, and Scout hesitated for a second longer before finally just ducking back out of the tent, looking a little disappointed. “No, wait,” he said, following Scout out quickly, into the light of the campfire, where he looked far too much like a corpse, far too much like delirium in a hallway, almost dying alone. “Wait.”

Scout just stared, waiting. Waiting for Sniper to be the one to speak first for once.

“When I got shot,” Sniper said, and his voice was already choked, damn him. “Even before that, I just, alone in that house, I…” He swallowed hard to dislodge the lump in his throat. “I thought about it a lot. Regretted it a lot. How I never got to say goodbye.”

Scout’s expression softened a touch, and he looked a little closer to the way he’d been before, a little more life back behind his eyes, and it gave Sniper the courage to keep talking.

“I wish I did,” he managed. “You deserved a real goodbye. You deserved something, anything. I should’ve said something.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“Because I didn’t want to say goodbye to you. And I knew if I ended up on a road trip with you, I’d… I’d never want to let go of you.” He wished desperately that he had his glasses on to hide his eyes, to hide how damp they were starting to get. “You were the first good thing to ever happen to me and I was scared you’d be the last and I just… I didn’t know what to do. But you deserved better. You always deserved better.”

There was suspicion in Scout’s expression now—not like finding out bad news, like realizing someone was trying to surprise you with something, like good news, like hope. Scout swallowed hard, looking down at the fire for a second, thinking over his words. “I know where I wanna go,” he said.

“Where?” Sniper asked, weak, damn everything he was weak.

“Take me home to Australia with you.”

Hope like nothing else he’d ever had before. He wanted to ask, “Forever?”, but all he managed was “Really?”

“Yeah.” He swallowed again, not meeting Sniper’s eyes. “We died and came back to life, man. I think that means we get to do whatever we want now.”

“Whatever we want?” Sniper repeated.

When Scout looked back up at him, he seemed more curious than anything else. He looked down between them, took a half-step closer, close enough that the toes of their shoes were lined up and touching each other. Then his gaze rose again. “Whatever we want,” he confirmed.

Out of all the things that came to mind when Scout said that, there was only one thing that he really cared about doing in any meaningful way, and he was lucky, so much luckier than he ever thought he’d be, because he didn’t even really need to move to do it. He leaned down to kiss Scout, and Scout met him halfway.

[soda-drabbles]

New Years Kiss // Dan Avidan x Reader

Synopsis : There has been a bit of space between you and Dan since you realized you had feelings for him, that space being divided by you as you try to make the persistent feelings dissolve. The feelings only fester and worsen as the New Years party comes up. There, you and Dan come face to face after all that time. Could this party break the ice once and for all?

Pairing : Dan Avidan x Reader

Type : Fluff

If you had to be honest, you were dreading the upcoming New Years party. You wouldn't have went if it weren't for Suzy, who you just couldn't say no to. Plus, this was a office party so it would be weird if you didnt come. You instead kept trying to reassure yourself that maybe it wouldnt be that bad. That things would be fine. Yet the same thought kept ringing in your mind; Dan.

Dan was a close friend of yours and someone who you kept growing feelings for. The first initial reaction to realizing this was rejection. You hated having feelings like this, especially for someone so close to you. It made things worse since you two worked together. Recently, you kept the distance between you two in hopes that the new feelings would dissolve. There were times where you could see Dan's face appear glum and it honestly made your heart sink more into your stomach but it'd be okay, right? This was for the best for the two of you. Things would go back to normal soon.

Hopefully.

Hours before the party began, you volunteered in helping Suzy and Arin with decorations. The three of you decorated the office in streamers of gold and black, assuring that the place captivated the New Year's spirit. During this, Suzy sparked up some conversation.

“So, (Y/N).” She approached you, handing you some things to sit on the neat tables where the snacks would be. “Are you excited for the New Year? Got any resolutions?”

You simply shrugged, “I guess? Its like any other year, isnt it?”

Suzy shrugged and went to place something else up, “What about you and Dan? ”

You froze a little. “..What about Dan?”

Suzy could easily tell she struck a soft spot, which was why she spoke a little nervously. “Well, you two have been acting a little weird around each other. I didn't know if you planned to..yknow. Fix that situation?”

Your fingers tapped at the table a little. “I..I dont know.”

Arin's voice called from the living room, almost intentionally. “Suzy! Can you help me with the sticker things? They won't stick.” He must've felt the tension growing and decided to keep it from escalating.

Suzy, still a bit worried, hesitantly nodded and joined her husband in the man room which left you back to your mind which was fogged with Dan.

The party came faster than you initially hoped and before you knew it, you were in your car driving to the office. Your fingers tapped the wheel. The car was silent, except the riddling white noise of your anxiety tugging at you. What were you going to do about Dan? It was inevitable that hed be there and you two would be facing each other eventually.

Your heart raced in your ribcage as you pulled into the driveway, eyes stuck on the house and fingers stuck; not moving. Dan would either be behind that door or on the way. Either way, it made things worse.

Still, you unstuck your fingers and got out of the car.

Immediately, you were greeted by Ross and Suzy, who eagerly greeted you and let you in.

“Welcome, (Y/N)!” Ross exclaimed, placing a cheap New Years party hat on your head sloppily. You laughed, fixing it. “Thanks, man. ”

So far, it wasnt that bad as you thought. Your first destination was the snack table where the punch was. Your hand reached for the ladel and found yourself brushing against someone. “Shit, I'm so-” Your eyes widened when you peered up, face to face with the giant lanky man himself. Dan.

He appeared both relieved and a little shocked to see you, but happy nevertheless. “Oh, hey.” Dan's thin lips tugged into a soft smile. “Its..good to see you.”

Still shocked yourself, you gulped a little. “..Its..good to see you too.” Quickly, you filled up your plastic cup with fruit punch and took your leave.

The night went on with you mostly hanging with Ross and Barry as a way to distract yourself from the whole Dan situation. It was fun watching the goofy guys play with the helium in the ballooms but Dan kept invading your mind. You didn't know why either. Why did this have to be such a big deal? This feeling was unbearable.

The time would come when the countdown commenced. Everyone gathered together for the intense moment. You simply took your spot at a corner of the room, where you leaned against the decorated wall with the plastic cup pressed against your lips.

You weren't alone for long, as you saw a tall shadow approach you out of the corner of your eye. Your heartbeat started up again as you had a suspicion of who the identity of the shadow was. When it spoke is when your suspicions were confirmed.

“..Why have you been avoiding me?” Dan's soft voice came through the background chattering and music of the party.

Refusing to look at him, you shrugged. “I have no idea what youre talking about.”

Rightfully, he was frustrated. “Im not stupid, (Y/N). You've been avoiding me for the past month and you didn't even tell me what I done wrong.”

His last comment caused you to finally look at him, your own frustrated look clouding your features. “You didnt do anything wrong, Dan.”

“Then what is it?” He asked, obviously confused.

With a moment of hesitation, you whispered. “Its me.”

“..What?”

“Its me!” You spoke a little louder, using your arm to cover your face. “Fuck, I'm stupid..”

Dan frowned and removed his free hand from his pocket to place it on your shoulder. “What's wrong? What are you talking about?”

While you kept silent, the countdown from five began.

Five.

“..Its.” How could you possibly say something like this? Do it and risk everything? He'd avoid you for sure wouldn't he? Your negative thoughts fought you from telling him. “You wouldn't like it.”

Four.

“Come on,” Dan said, moving in front of you. His voice was closer now. “I still want to know, regardless.”

Three.

You could feel his towering presence in front of you. Your cheeks were red and you were thankful colorful lights danced around the party, otherwise what you wanted to say would be obvious. The feeling was building up again.

Two.

Dan grew a little desperate. “Please.” In a moment like this, it was getting harder and harder to dismiss him anymore. Your heart longed to jump out and let your feelings speak themselves. Eventually, you gave in.

“Dan, I..” Taking another deep inhale, you bury your face in his chest and the muffled confession came out. “I love you.”

Words that would leave Dan speechless.

One.

Among the cheering and kissing couples, you felt like crying. Dan wasn't doing anything and it only made you worry. After a moment, you pulled away a little with the intent to run off, only for the tall man to brig his arms around you.

“Dont go.” His arms held you back against his chest, fingers pressed against your back. His sudden grip surprised you. What surprised you even more is when the warm touch of his hands moved from your hand to each sides of your face, which he gently cradled and raised to face you.

Against the dancing lights, your blush and wide eyes spoke out to him and made him smile. The smile that only made you grow redder each time. “Why didnt you just say so?” His soft voice expressed in a sweet whisper before pulling you into an embrace.

You imagined plenty of times what kissing Danny would feel like. It was so much softer and warmer than you once imagined. Once you both pulled away, Dan hugged you once again and this time, you hugged back.

Suzy, unbeknownst to the both of you, was watching with a satisfied smile. She leaned against her husbands side and turned back to the TV.

Happy New Years.

[horansqueen]

AM Conversations : chapter 54

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 20 || CHAPTER 21 || CHAPTER 22 || CHAPTER 23 || CHAPTER 24 || CHAPTER 25 || CHAPTER 26 || CHAPTER 27 || CHAPTER 28 || CHAPTER 29 || CHAPTER 30 || CHAPTER 31 || CHAPTER 32 || CHAPTER 33 || CHAPTER 34 || CHAPTER 35 || CHAPTER 36 || CHAPTER 37 || CHAPTER 38 || CHAPTER 39 || CHAPTER 40 || CHAPTER 41 || CHAPTER 42 || CHAPTER 43 || CHAPTER 44 || CHAPTER 45 || CHAPTER 46 || CHAPTER 47 || CHAPTER 48 || CHAPTER 49 || CHAPTER 50 || CHAPTER 51 || CHAPTER 52 || CHAPTER 53

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -4k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- if you want to be notified when this is updated, please message me or leave a comment!

- note for this chapter: this is the break-up from his POV. next chapter will be the very last one and im super excited for it but stressed also. so any love, comment, question, etc, that you send me makes me so happy i cant even explain how much :)

Chapter 54 : His chapter

NIALL

I was done with work earlier than usual, perhaps because I couldn't seem to concentrate or do anything good. The words didn't want to come out and if someone had just met me, they could believe I had never touched a guitar in my life. I closed my eyes when I got out of the building and inhaled deeply. I had stopped trying to forget the words Olivia had told me. They kept hitting the sides of my brain like a fucking screensaver and it was torturing me.

"I can’t stop loving you, no matter how hurt I get. No matter how sad you make me. No matter how tough this is. Because it’s so tough dating you, Niall. I never thought it would be so hard."

I had never stopped myself to think about how hard it was to date me. In fact, I never cared before and I never stayed with someone long enough to think about it. All I really understood with her words was that I kept hurting her and making her feel like shit, and that despite that, she still loved me and would stay with me. It should be a relief, but it actually brought a constant feeling of guilt and pain inside me. What kind of monster does that? What kind of person was I if I just kept her around while hurting her? What kind of person was I becoming and how would I be able to look at myself in the mirror after that?

I felt something stir in my stomach and started walking in the city without a specific destination. I didn't want to go home and I was not sure why, I pushed my hands in my pockets, my mind still on my girlfriend and everything we had gone through in the past months. If there was one thing I knew, it was that I loved her. I loved her more than I've ever loved anyone and I knew i'd never feel like that for anyone else.

"Love is not everything." I let out in a low voice, repeating her words as I tried to let them sink in. "But it should be, Olivia, shouldn't it?"

I sighed, knowing i'd never be able to tell her that face to face and stopped walking for a few seconds. I breathed in and out, focusing on the air in my lungs but despite my best efforts, I couldn't stop my heart from beating hard against my rib cage. It was ridiculous. I wanted to be with her, I wanted our story to last, but the simple thought made me feel uneasy. Heidi was right, I didn't want this to be the last experience i'd have, whether it was emotionally or sexually, and I was not ready to commit, at least not the way Olivia was. I held my breath wondering if I was lying to myself about the guilt and pain I felt knowing that I kept hurting her and that maybe it wasn't the real reason why I wanted out but I just shook my head and opened my eyes. Both reasons were real but they felt very opposite. Letting go of her because I kept hurting her and I wanted her to be happy looked like abnegation, but wanting to protect my freedom was selfish as hell.

I stopped at a cafe that was almost empty and ordered one before sitting alone at a table. I grabbed my phone to send my girlfriend a text message but quickly changed my mind. What could I tell her anyway? I was not going to break up with her in a text message and just sending her 'we need to talk' is a torture she clearly didn't deserve.

I started looking at pictures of us together and frowned a bit, swallowing hard. She had been nothing but a great best friend and a good girlfriend that did all she could to adapt to the lifestyle I was stuck in and I was about to break her heart. The sudden realization that I was really going to leave her came to me and made my whole body throb. I felt nauseous and I gripped the sides of the small table until my fingers turned white. I didn't really want to do this and at the same time, I knew I had to, and not only for her, but also for myself.

I stared at the dark color of my coffee for a while, hoping I was actually drinking something a bit stronger. I was not going to, though, if only to be sure I wouldn't be intoxicated when i'd get back home to tell her. I owed her that, didn't i? Plus, I was sort of expecting her to fight back or beg me to change my mind, and I knew it was going to be hard resisting, but changing my mind would only mean postponing the whole thing.

I sighed and brought my hands together as I played with my fingers. It was ridiculous to be nervous for that but at the same time, being totally zen about it would be even weirder. I got up quickly and threw my coffee in the bin, suddenly impatient to get rid of this discussion but after a very quick walk, when I stood in front of my house, I was not so impatient anymore.

It took me half an hour to walk in and I only knew because I actually counted the seconds in my head. My hands were sweaty, my heart was threatening to jump out of my chest by my throat, and something was permanently stirring in my stomach.

I stared at the doorknob for a while before turning it and walking in. She was sitting on the couch and when she turned to me, my eyes fluttered as well as my heart. She waved at me, a small smile playing on her lips, and I felt my heart swell with love. I sent her a small smile, trying to contain my feelings inside, and just went to get changed into more comfortable clothes. I stopped by the bathroom, staring at my reflection for a few minutes, thinking about how much of a coward I was, and when I came back in the living room, I just sat next to her without sending her a glance. She immediately cuddled me and I felt my heart twist in my chest. It felt good to be close to her and I desperately wanted to take her in my arms, but I couldn't stop telling myself that no one can have everything. You can't have your cake and eat it too.

I felt her lips brush on my jaw and it felt incredible. I remained tensed and motionless but when she grabbed my hand, I couldn't handle it anymore. I quickly got up and walked quickly to the kitchen. I heard her voice calling my name twice but I ignored it until I felt her closer.  Instead, I grabbed a beer in the fridge to ease my nerves. When I turned around to lean against the counter, I noticed she remained close to the exit as if she didn't really want to have the discussion we were about to have and frankly, I didn't really want to have this discussion either. That's when the worst words ever created came out of my lips.

“Look, Liv, we need to talk.”

I looked at her facial expression change into fear and it hurt me so much that I had to look away. I bent down to take an other beer and opened it before handing it to her. It took her a few seconds but she walked closer and grabbed it from my hand, her fingers brushing against mine. Why did her touch always make me feel like that?

I took a few sips from my drink as I repeated the same sentence over and over in my head without really wanting to say it out loud. I made sure I was not looking at her but when I finally gathered enough courage, my gaze finally met hers.

“I think we should break up, Olivia.” I let out firmly even if deep inside, that was not how I felt. “At least, for now.”

A feeling of relief washed over me as these words dropped but it immediately left me completely when I saw her face. Her beer slipped out of her hand and ended on the floor but I just kept staring at her like I didn't notice.

"No..." her voice was low and I could swear I heard it crack slightly. "Why?"

I pushed myself off the counter and passed my hand in my hair nervously. I didn't want to explain everything to her and telling her I was doing that to stop hurting her felt stupid even if it was one of the reasons why I was breaking up with her, just not the only reason. I also didn't want her to blame herself, what good would it bring? I'd rather be the bad selfish guy, perhaps it was going to help her get over me quicker.

“I’m just not ready for a relationship.” I just pointed out, raising my shoulders. “I don’t want to commit, be official, and everything.”

“I’m.. i’m not the first girl you date. You dated Maya before me? And a few other girls?”

I was a bit surprised by her question because to me, the difference between her and all these other girls was very obvious. How could she compare herself to girls I never really wanted to be with? Girls I never really loved?

“I didn’t love any of them, I knew I wouldn’t stay with them.” I explained, putting my beer on the counter and walking up to her slowly, scared she was just going to run away. As I feared, she took a step back. “But what we have is real.. it’s deep, I mean, it could last forever.”

It was scary how I meant every word I had just said. I knew I was going to end up with her but I also knew it wasn't going to start now. Our love story couldn't continue for now but it would, at some point. I had never been more sure of anything else in my life.

“That makes no sense.” she whispered to me. “What are you talking about?”

I was a bit hurt that she didn't understand and somehow, I realized that she didn't see things the way I saw them. She didn't believe we'd end up together in a few years. She didn't understand why I was breaking up with her now and why I had stayed with the other girls I dated, even if I hadn't dated any of them for as long as I dated her. How was I going to explain that to her?

I walked closer and felt a small relief when she didn't back away. My eyes roamed on her face as I brought my hand to her cheek, brushing my fingertips on her soft skin. I looked at her fondly, and held my breath. She was beautiful, and It was unbelievable that I hadn't noticed just how much before we started dating. I was so blind before but now, I could see her. I could really see her. Perhaps it was simply because I was in love with her but who was I trying to fool? There's nothing 'simple' in 'being in love"... and I was. I was madly in love with that girl. My eyes dropped to her lips and the only thing I wanted to do was to kiss her. I wanted to feel her mouth against mine for the last time in a very long time. Her lips parted and my heart jumped in my chest. It took so much strength not to bend down and kiss her when every fucking fiber of my body told me to do it.

“I’ve never been in love before and I knew whatever I had with them wouldn’t last. But you and me? It’s different. We could spend our lives together.”

“And we were supposed to.” she argued as tears fell slid on her cheeks. “But you’re ruining it.”

I felt my heart jump up in my throat at the sight of her tears and had to twist the bottom of my shirt to make sure I wouldn't take her in my arms. She looked so sad and I felt like shit knowing I was the one making her feel like that but at the same time, I knew it was one big deception that would lead to her being happy again. Happy without me.

“I’m sorry, Olivia.” I apologized again, shaking his head a bit as I stared at her. I wanted to cry but I couldn't. It wouldn't fair of me. “I know it’s selfish but i’m just not ready… i’m not ready to accept this as what i’ll go through every day. We fight and we make up and then cuddle on the couch… this is not what I want for me, this is not what I want for us.”

“Don’t fucking lie, Niall. You’re just not ready to accept that you’ll only wake up to me every morning, that you won’t get to see an other naked girl dress up and leave your room at dawn and that you’d have to call me to tell me you’ll stay late at the bar with your friends. It’s your freedom you’re saving over our love. It’s your fucking freedom that you don’t want to lose. And clearly you love it more than you love me.”

The truth behind her words hit me deeply and it opened a wound inside me, making me realize that my fears were real. I was a selfish person and there was no reason for me to deny it or argue with her about it. She was right and it hurt like hell to know I was not the only one thinking that.

“I love you so much. So fucking much.”

I didn't feel like I had the right to say it but I did it anyway. I was already seen as the selfish guy I was, and I was going to say everything I want to tell her no matter what. I pressed my hand on her warm cheek and her lips parted. I wanted to run my thumb on her bottom one before kissing her. I wanted to show her how much I loved her.

“Don’t you fucking touch me, don’t you fucking dare tell me you love me!” she said angrily, breaking my heart even more. “You don’t love me! I love you!”

“But I do! Olivia I do love you!”

It seemed like she was too mad to hear in the tone of my voice that I was begging her to believe me. I was not sure why I needed her to believe my words, though. Perhaps, an other silly whim of a selfish man.

“D'you want to know where you can put that love, Niall?”

My face twisted in pain again as I tried to keep my tears in.

“Don’t say that Liv, please…”

This time, she was crying so hard I had to turn around to hide the grimace I made as I teared up.

“Oh fuck off, Niall!”

She stormed out of the kitchen and I started sobbing low to make sure she wouldn't hear. Holding my tears and my sobs made my throat hurt and I wiped the tears quickly, just in time to hear her push the door of our bedroom roughly. I breathed in, trying not to show that I cried, and walked back to the living room. Her eyes met mine again and I had to swallow to make sure I wouldn't beg her to stay. Once again, we stared at each other for a while like we were both waiting for something but after a while, she just shook her head.

“I’ll pick the rest of my stuff later.”

She walked past me and my eyes fluttered at her scent. She still smelled of honey and vanilla and it made me want to grab her arm and pull her close to be able to smell it a bit longer. I didn't though, I just let her walk to the door and when her hand reached for the knob, I tensed. If it was the right thing to do, why did it feel like the worst mistake I ever made?

“I love you, Olivia. I always will. You’re the love of my life.”

I meant every word and more, I just didn't know how to express them. Not yet and not in words, but a bunch of lyrics came to my mind as she opened the door even if making something out of them would take time. She walked out and left the door open but it took me a few seconds to walk up to it. I saw her walk up to the street slowly, her bag on her shoulder. She disappeared in the rainy night and I lost her, maybe forever.

                                                      ------

I could barely hear the music around me or the people talking, laughing and sometimes screaming. I just focused on the pen in my hand and the way it moved on my napkin as I scribbled my thoughts and feelings. I didn't even get changed or anything. After Olivia left, I remained standing under the door frame for a long time just watching the rain pour hard on the cement until I realized that my tears were blurring the sight. Then I sent a text message and grabbed my coat to drive to the pub. It smelled like beer, cigarettes and cheap perfume but somehow, it comforted me and I sat on a stool to start writing. It's crazy how pain can inspire the human kind, and very sad at the same time.

I grabbed my beer and took a long sip of it before putting it back roughly on the counter and quickly write more words. They had to come out now or I knew they'd keep hurting the same way the tears that I kept it when I broke up with Olivia had hurt me.

"I knew you'd call me, didn't think it would be so soon, though."

I breathed in and my eyes finally moved up only to see Heidi smiling at me. My eyes roamed on her dress and normally, it would do something to me. Not tonight. My eyes moved back to my napkin and I felt her sit next to me and order a drink but didn't give her more attention. I should feel bad since i'm the one who called her but I think I just didn't want to feel alone. I thought about calling Louis instead but I had the feeling he was with Liv.

"So, your place or mine?" Heidi asked, putting her hand on my arm.

Her fingers brushed on my skin and instead to make me shiver like it should have, it made me frown.

"I didn't call you to fuck, H." I pointed out, my eyes meeting hers again. "I just needed a friend."

She kept running one of her fingertips on my skin and I licked my lips, glancing down at her hand.

"Come on, Niall, you're finally free." she insisted with a small shrug. "There's gotta be some perks."

Her words made me think of Olivia and as much as I wanted to take my arm back, it felt like I was frozen with pain. I felt half-dead without her but the part of me that was still alive was never going to give up. It was a small part but it really wanted to survive the pain I purposely put it in.

"Not tonight." I let out after a while, shaking my head.

"You think she's not shagging someone right now? Which friend of yours is she close to again? Louis yea?"

This time, I shook my head harder with a small smile. It was a ridiculous to even consider that option.

"No, no way." I chuckled. "He wouldn't do that, he still loves El. Olivia wouldn't that either I mean, we just broke up."

Heidi rolled her eyes and took a sip of her drink as she shook her head too.

"No, you broke up with her, which means she doesn't owe you anything anymore, and you don't owe her anything either."

I looked down with a frown and stared at the paper I had in hands, re-reading the words I had written. Olivia and I were going to end up together at some point, I could feel it, but it wasn't now. I felt my whole body throb suddenly and I felt a bit dizzy at the thought of losing her forever but quickly cleared my throat and looked up at Heidi.

"I'm sorry I called you, I'm not ready for that."

Her facial expression changed but she sighed a bit too loud and nodded.

"Alright then, can I have a ride home?"

I took my beer and swallowed what was left before searching through my pockets for money to pay for both our drinks. Heidi got up too and grabbed the napkin with my song on it as I finally put a bill on the table. I saw her reading it and frowned, snatching it from her hand quickly.

"That's personal." I just let out, pushing it deep in my pocket and walking past her to get out of the bar.

I heard her follow me quickly outside and noticed that she wasn't wearing heels on that day, which was quite surprising. We both got in my car in silence and she waited until we were almost at her place to turn her head my way with a frown.

"You really believe the words you wrote or do you simply think it'll make a good song?"

I sighed, not giving her a glance, and kept my eyes on the road.

"I believe every single word." I explained after parking in her driveway and turning to her.

She sent me a weird look and a sorry smile as brought her hand to my cheek.

"Niall, don't be delusional." she let out in a whisper. "We're not in a fairy tale, this is real life. In a few weeks you'll feel differently anyway, I promise you'll be over her."

I moved back slowly, feeling her fingers slip off my face and it was her turn to sigh.

"I'll be waiting for your call." she just pointed out before moving closer to kiss my lips.

It took me by surprise and I held my breath as my heart jumped against my rib cage. Why did that feel like cheating?

"Goodnight, Niall."

"'Night."

The ride home was short but I couldn't seem to slow down the beatings of my heart. I brought my hand to my mouth a few times, trying to wipe Heidi's kiss from my lips and felt myself tear up when I realized she was now the last person who kissed me. It was not Olivia anymore, and it really hurt like hell.

I rushed inside and grabbed my guitar, putting the napkin on my coffee table before sitting on the floor. I started singing a bit, trying to find a melody to this song as my fingers slid gently on the strings of my guitar. I was also trying to to let tears out and to just concentrate on the song I was creating but had to stop after a while. My eyes kept moving on some of the words I had written. I had passed with my pen on the words over and over again and the sight of it made me swallow. By re-writing them over and over, it made the ink darker and ripped the paper a bit. I was wondering if I did it because I really believed my words or because I wanted to make them real.

"I can promise it I can guarantee At the end of the road I see you with me"