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#just if you didn't think i was weird already lol
lycheeloving · 8 hours
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Why is there almost no Lex Luthor content... I saw him in Young Justice and immediately got inspired lol
Anyways, here's a yandere!Lex Luthor fic, with Superman and Batman rescuing you, but do they have good intentions? 👀 (gender neutral reader ofc)
Warnings for mind controlling/altering devices & substances ✌️ and general yandere stuff ofc
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You're not the biggest fan of big events with many people, but with Lex at your side, you find you don't really mind anything, even the gala you're currently at.
Holding his hand, you happily watch him as he talks to rich people you couldn't care less about, when he turns to look at you.
You perk up as he presses a kiss to the corner of your mouth. You try to lean into it, but he pulls away too fast for your liking. At least you catch a whiff of his scent, he always smells so good...
"Be a doll and get yourself a drink at the bar, would you?"
Ah.
That's code for "we're going to talk about confidential business stuff". Sure. You can spend some time away from him, even if it makes you feel a bit uncomfortable. You'll do it for him!
You silently nod, reluctantly let go of his hand and start making your way across the room towards the bar.
As you're leaving, you make out the word "Justice League". They have been giving him trouble recently, is that what their conversation is about? You can never remember what exactly their issue is with him... He's just a CEO!
Unfortunately the bar is out of earshot, so you can't keep listening, which is exactly why he sent you away in the first place, but you sit on a stool from which you can still easily see him.
He always says that you shouldn't worry your pretty little head about his boring business stuff, so you don't, but he always looks so good when talking about it! So serious and in charge...
After ordering a fun looking cocktail you sigh, already missing him.
You didn't use to like alcohol, but everything tastes better now that you know him, so you indulge in the occasional drink.
You catch yourself staring at Lex. Maybe you shouldn't look at him this much? What if people think he's weird for dating someone who's this obsessed with him? You don't want that for him, he has so much to deal with already... Swishing your drink around, you try to tear your eyes away from him.
You sigh again.
Somebody slides onto the stool next to you and orders a fancy sounding drink. He turns to you.
"Are you ok? I could hear you sighing from across the room."
"I'm fine... I just miss my boyfriend." You hold back another sigh and absentmindedly trace the rim of your glass.
"Oh, so you came here alone?"
"No, he's over there." You subtly point at him. "He's just talking about some important business stuff without me right now."
"Lex Luthor?" He pulls a face as you nod.
"So you're..." He says your name. Apparently people know you! Huh. You hadn't realized.
"I'm Bruce Wayne, by the way."
Now that he mentions it, you don't know how you didn't notice it before. He is quite famous. You probably should have recognized him, but you were too distracted by how dreamy Lex looks...
"What are you doing with him? I mean, he's not known for being fun. Or kind."
He sounds like he's joking, but you don't think it's funny. Your face turns serious.
"You must not know him very well, then."
He holds up his hands in defense. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you or anything. Or him, I guess..." He trails off.
Changing the topic with a grin, he says: "I'm guessing that means I don't have a chance with you?"
You shake your head. He can't be serious.
"...What if I shave my head? Would you consider leaving Luthor for me if I was bald?"
You crack a little smile at that. But your answer remains the same.
"No, I wouldn't leave my Lexie for anyone."
His eyes widen. "Oh, wow, so your relationship is pretty serious, then?"
Why would he even ask that?
"Of course it's serious, I love him!"
He pauses for a moment, seemingly contemplating something.
"...and does he love you?"
You gently touch the spot where Lex last pressed a kiss to your face and look in his direction, only to find he's already looking right back at you. You smile.
"He does." You're sure of it.
Bruce gets up from his chair as Lex starts making his way towards you. "Well, it's been fun, but I'm going to go find someone I actually have a chance with." And avoid a confrontation with Lex.
He winks at you. "Bye!"
You don't say anything back as he leaves, because you're too busy looking at Lex, who's now standing right in front of you. He puts his hands on the bar behind you, caging you in with his arms.
"What did Wayne want from you?"
"Oh, I don't know, nothing important." Already distracted, you reach up to play with his tie.
He raises an eyebrow. "Were you not paying attention to him? Good. Can't have you leaving me for him."
Your eyes widen and you shake your head, even though you know he's just teasing you.
You would never! He smirks as if he can read your mind.
"Well, I have some more business to attend to. I have informed our driver that he is to take you home whenever you wish, while I will be returning to the office."
You pout at him. "I know your work is important, but please don't take too long. I'll miss you..."
He smirks. "I know, darling. I will hurry back to you."
The kiss he presses to your lips is eagerly reciprocated by you, before he gently pulls your hand away from his tie and goes back to the people he was talking to earlier, vanishing through the door.
No reason to stay here now that he's gone, right? You finish your drink and leave the building, but as you turn to look for your driver, you bump into someone.
You go to apologize, but the other guy is faster.
"Sorry! I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-"
His eyes widen and he straightens his glasses.
"Wait! You're Lex Luthors significant other, right?"
You nod with a smile. How lovely that this is what people know you as!
"I'm Clark Kent, with the Daily Planet. I've been meaning to talk to you about-"
Your smile vanishes. "No comment."
Lex told you that no matter what you say, reporters twist it in a way that makes you look bad, and that it's best not to engage.
He seems a bit disappointed at your quick response. "That's fair. But off the record, can I just ask how you met him? As far as I know, you weren't a part of these circles before you showed up on his arm one day."
"Off record?"
He nods.
You think you can trust him, at least with some of it.
"We met at my workplace. I used to be a barista."
Not knowing how to make it sound nice, you leave out the part where you thought he was rude to your coworker and reprimanded him, and how you only grudgingly agreed to go on a date with him because he cornered you after work and threatened to get your coworker fired if you refused.
But it was all a big misunderstanding! During that first date you realized that you really like him and that he's a really good guy!
He just didn't know how else you'd agree to go out with him after you were so angry at the beginning!
"So it was love at first sight?" Kent questions.
"Not first sight, maybe, but I knew he was the one during our first date. It just... felt so right."
Lex, of course, did know at first sight, but he's always been smarter than you, so it's not a surprise that he caught on more quickly.
"Well, thanks for the conversation. I'm going to find someone I can actually interview now, so my boss doesn't get too mad at me. Bye!"
He stumbles towards the building, bumping into someone else. What a clumsy guy! You catch him looking at you again before he enters through the door.
You finally make your way to the driver and get into the limo, driving home in silence.
Time for a lonely night without Lex...
After you get home and get ready for bed, you put on one of his shirts and go to sleep on his side of the bed.
That way you'll definitely wake up when he returns, because he refuses to sleep on your side. He'll have to get you out of the way somehow, probably pick you up...
Burying your face in his pillow where his scent is the strongest, you fall asleep.
A noise from the direction of Lex's home office wakes you up.
You're still on his side of the bed. Did he come home and keep working? Seriously? Maybe he'll let you sit in his lap while he finishes whatever he's doing...
Quietly walking towards his room, you hear low voices. Is Lex on a call? In the middle of the night?
As you make it to the entrance, you can finally make out words. It's not Lex.
"-only let you come because you said you could be stealthy. If I knew you'd be this loud, I would have come here alone."
You sneak a look around the door. Is that Batman? And-
"This is my city, and I know Luthor better than anyone, that's why I came along. Besides, I didn't make that much noise!"
-Superman!
You take a step back. Where is the button that alarms security again...? Next to the bed, right? You start making your way back to the bedroom, but...
"We have company."
You're almost at the button, try to start running towards it, but Superman is in front of you before you can blink. Shit.
"Sorry, can't let you inform anyone that we're here, we still haven't gotten everything we came for!"
He actually looks apologetic. What is wrong with him? Breaking into your home, but pretending to feel bad about it?
He holds onto both of your arms and leads you back into the office, where Batman is tinkering with Lex's computer. What could they be looking for?
"Well, if you're here already, we might as well ask you directly. What do you know about Luthor's mind-controlling technology?" Batman asks you.
Mind-controlling? What would Lex need that for?
"I- I think you've got the wrong person. I have no idea what you're talking about."
"People who usually would never cooperate with Luthor have started working for him, so I got suspicious. After some research I was able to figure out that he uses microchips to control them. But we haven't been able to figure out how to extract them without causing damage to the person they've been installed in."
Batman takes a step towards you.
"So I'll ask one more time. What do you know?"
You really have no idea what he's talking about.
"Wh- What would Lex even use that for? I don't understand!"
"Batman, are you sure they know anything? We're already 99% sure there's a chip inside of them as well, maybe one of its effects is not remembering anything about the chips?"
"It was worth a try." Batman turns to look at Superman. "I assume this means you haven't checked for a chip yet? Make yourself useful and use your x-ray vision."
"Oh, right! Right..." Superman mumbles. "No need to be rude about it."
He focuses his gaze on you. It's pretty unnerving, knowing he's looking inside of you. There's nothing you could hide from him, nothing you could do to make him stop looking at you. You hope he's really only looking inside of you...
After looking at you for too long for comfort, he chimes up: "Yep, there's a chip! Right in the shoulder."
Of course there's a chip in your shoulder, but that doesn't mean you're being controlled!
"That's just a tracker! Lex put it there in case I'm ever kidnapped or something, so he'll immediately know where I am!"
"...You let him put a tracker in you? Voluntarily?" Superman seems confused.
"Yeah? Why wouldn't I?" You're confused as well. Why wouldn't you let him? He did it because he loves you! To take care of you!
Batman doesn't seem to care, only humming in acknowledgement and going back to fiddling with the computer.
That reminds you that Lex put another gadget on you...
Your necklace (beautiful, expensive, and of the letters "LL") sends him a discreet emergency signal as soon as you take it off! You just need to be able to reach it...
"Um... Superman?" You crane your neck to look up at him.
"Do you have to hold onto me like that? I mean, just, what could I do to get away, right?"
You look up at him and try to look as confused and innocent as possible.
You glance at Batman. He seems to not be interested in your conversation at all, instead focusing on the computer. Good.
"You're fast enough to immediately catch me, before I could even take a tiny step! Just- This position is kind of awkward to be in, right?"
Please fall for it, please fall for it...
"Sure, you've been pretty cooperative so far, I don't think we have anything to worry about with you..."
He chuckles, almost embarrassed, then reluctantly lets go of his hold on your arms, flexing his hands.
Holy shit. It worked.
"Nice, thanks!" You smile. What an idiot.
Now you just have to play it cool...
Act natural and normal and not like you're up to anything...
You reach up to rub your neck, as if having turned it to look up at Superman strained it.
Well, it did, but you're mostly doing it to get your hands near the necklace. And now you just have to-
The necklace opens with a quiet click, followed by an alarm sounding from the computer.
Right. You forgot it sends a signal to all of Lex's technology, including the computer in this room. Oops.
Oh well, doesn't really make a difference if they're aware that you alarmed Lex or not. What could they do about it now?
Both Superman's and Batman's heads snap towards you. You smile. Lex should be on his way now.
"Superman, why would you let go of-" Batman cuts himself off. "Doesn't matter. I have the information we came here for. Let's go."
"Are we just going to leave them here?" Superman sounds concerned.
Batman walks towards you, holding something up to your face. "No."
It smells weird, what is that? You feel dizzy, try to pull your head away from it, but Batman is holding onto you, you can't move.
Then, everything goes black.
You wake up on a bed in a bright, unfamiliar room with an ache in your shoulder.
There's a bandage in the spot where your tracker is. Or, used to be, you assume.
Rude of them, to dig around in your body without your permission.
Lex will freak out when he hears about this. He must be looking for you already.
What is this, some kind of infirmary? Where exactly are you?
Just when you decide to get up and try to leave or find out more about where you are, Superman enters the room.
"Oh, you're awake!" He gently pushes you to lie back down. You don't object, you know how strong he is, even if he is being careful right now.
"You shouldn't get up yet, your body should still be adjusting to the chip being gone."
He looks at you with curiosity. Or with hope? You can't quite tell what his expression means.
"Which, by the way, do you feel any different? About Luthor? Any memories popping up that you couldn't remember before?"
Now that he mentions it, some of your time with Lex seems... clearer. You suddenly remember the whole chip thing. And that he's constantly trying to fight (and kill) Superman and the rest of the Justice League. And a bunch of immoral business choices. And villain stuff.
But you still love him.
"I don't feel any different."
Lex must have had a good reason to block those memories from your mind.
Maybe it was for exactly this scenario, so that if the Justice League kidnapped you, you wouldn't be able to tell them anything! Unfortunately they were able to restore those memories, but that doesn't mean that you have to tell them that and make it easier for them!
Superman looks disappointed. "Oh... That's unfortunate."
Why does he seem to be so invested in this? Just because he hates Lex? What does he care if Lex is in a relationship, that shouldn't concern him at all!
"So can I go now?" You throw your legs over the side of the bed and sit up again.
"I mean, now that you know that I wasn't influenced by that chip? You can't keep me here, that would be kidnapping!"
It already is kidnapping, technically.
"Sorry, I can't let you leave." He doesn't look super apologetic about this.
"Batman is still working on something."
"I'm done working on it, actually," Batman responds.
Wait, when did Batman get here? You didn't hear him enter the room...
Superman perks up. "And did you find anything?"
"I did." Batman turns to you, his expression even more serious than usual.
"Blood tests revealed that you are affected by a toxin that messes with your pheromones. After digging through more information on Luthors computer, I was able to find correspondence between him and Poison Ivy. Apparently they made a concoction that is specific to your dna, meaning only you are affected by it, and it causes you to be attracted to him alone. He must have used it as an aftershave or perfume, but it seems pretty long lasting. The effects should last up to a month after exposure."
No. That can't be true.
"You're lying. Lex wouldn't do that. He had no reason to do that, I love him!"
Batman ignores you. "Luckily I was able to synthesize an antidote. Hold still."
You don't hold still, of course, trying to scramble off of the bed, but Superman holds onto you.
"Shhhh, calm down. You'll feel better soon," he whispers, his mouth unnervingly close to your ear.
Batman gets closer to you with a syringe, preparing to inject you with a green liquid.
"This is going to hurt."
"Wait!" you try to protest, but-
-you feel the syringe enter your skin, and then you feel pain. In your entire body.
It hurts! Why does it hurt so much!
You squirm in Superman's grip. Your head feels like it's going to explode.
There's nothing but pain for a few seconds that feel like eternity.
But then- nothing.
You feel nothing. No pain. And-
"Holy shit." You blink.
"Holy SHIT."
What did that fucker do to you?
"I was in a relationship with Lex Luthor? Why did nobody stop me! What is wrong with everyone!"
You blink again.
"I mean, I guess you stopped me. So... thank you?"
Superman lets go of you, seemingly content that you've come to your senses.
Batman seems to be holding back a smirk.
You're not done processing everything yet.
"Why would he-"
You forget what you were going to say and gasp, distracted by a new thought.
"Wait, what the fuck am I going to do now! Where can I go? I moved in with him and he made me break off contact with all of my friends! I don't have an apartment anymore or friends to stay with!"
You look at the two heroes. "D- Do you think he'll look for me? Probably, right? I mean, we were going to get married."
You feel sick.
"Wait, is an engagement legally binding? Fuck. Can I just leave? We didn't make it public yet, but that doesn't make a difference, right? Fuck!"
Superman puts his hand on your shoulder. "Don't worry, we'll take care of all of that. We won't allow him anywhere near you ever again."
Batman adds on: "And you can stay in the Watchtower for now. That's the safest place for you. He won't manage to get in here."
You frown. "Are you sure that's ok? I don't want to be a burden..."
Superman's smile gets wider, it's almost creepy.
Batman moves closer to you, putting his hand on your other shoulder. You're starting to feel a bit smothered.
"We'll gladly take care of you. For however long it takes."
You wonder if that means forever.
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matrixbearer2024 · 1 day
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Based on poll, here's some stuff about Athena + sketchies of her that I will eventually finish digitally. I totally didn't stay up until 4 am to finish these doodles-
Audaces fortuna juvat
- Athena "F" Pines
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Named after the Greek goddess of wisdom and war 'Athena' and the english scientist 'Michael Faraday', she is the youngest of Ford's triplets and inherited his polydactyly! (She also inherited his felony of a fashion sense but let's gloss over that.)
Compared to her siblings, she normally covers up entirely just by preference and not because she's hiding something(like Max is). No she doesn't die in the summer heat despite turtlenecks and sweaters because she runs cold and would sooner freeze than melt.
Teena's a daddy's girl through and through, to the point that she and Max would fuss on sharing papa Sixer back when they were babies. Thank goodness Fordsy had two hands!
She's likely the most pragmatic of her siblings but not the most cynical or paranoid. Her most common mood is just tired, since she mostly runs on energy drinks and pastries.
Teena's not really one for candy either so she doesn't even dive for the groceries when somebody brings home jelly beans like the men in her family. When she does indulge though, you can find her eating dark chocolate.
Is practically allergic to color and frankly her closet looks like it was meant for 20s television. Just blacks, whites, greys and some other muted shades. At least she doesn't wear the same thing over and over again compared to her father.
Doesn't denounce dresses but finds them quite impractical and would rather wear cargo pants. Again, pragmatic. She's also quite tomboyish in nature which Mabel finds odd and Dipper thinks is interesting. Her laid back nature reminds Dipdip of Wendy to a different degree but the semblance is so fleeting he just usually shrugs it off when he notices. (Planning to have Teena actually be Aro: Demiromantic, she just doesn't know that there's a label for that yet LOL)
I wouldn't say that she is the closest to Ford however, she used to be back when she was a kid- but as an adult it's a different story. With her fractured family and blatantly obvious mutation, by the time she left to pursue a doctorate in Biomedical Engineering at Duke University(North Carolina) she was already slightly harboring a sense of disdain for her mutation and anything odd.
The teasing and taunting only got worse in university as well, she wanted to become a medical doctor to practice orthopedics but made a promise with her siblings that they'd only pursue their dreams once they've gotten their dad back- hence the engineering bit and why she didn't even go through to med proper. She did figure out she had a passion for tinkering and robotics though.
Her peers were not kind, people were absolutely more accepting compared to Ford's time but she was still branded as weird or odd and the disdain for her uniqueness grew. She put everything off for as long as she could, only returning to Gravity Falls in 2010 after her siblings started calling and looking for her. At that point, Teena figured she couldn't just stay away forever so she bit the bullet and returned to gravity falls despite her hesitation. She was the last push they needed to completely fix the portal; problem being that they didn't have an iota of how the hell they would turn it on.
So yeah, that's why Dipper and Mabel are still pivotal in helping them all make amends as it stands(also finding the journals-). Haven't completely explained why for the other two yet, but that'll be in a separate post. Anyhow, enjoy and don't forget that my inbox is always open to asks or requests for fics or even about these guys!
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icecoffee90 · 2 years
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Tag game - Get to Know You
Thank you for tagging me, @jerzwriter!
Alright, here I go with TMI about me nobody asked for! Sorry in advance! lol
Are you named after someone?
Not that I know of. Apparently my grandma wanted my parents to name me after her (Růžena), but thankfully they didn’t listen, lol. Not that it’s a bad name!
When was the last time you cried?
I don’t even remember. I almost never cry.. Usually only cry when I’m watching something (or listening to a song) where a beloved character or an animal dies.. Though I guess every few years the bottled up emotions overflow and anything can trigger the waterworks.. But I’m pretty sure the last time I cried was because of a TV show, but I really don’t remember which one it was and when (especially since I didn’t have much time to watch anything lately, lol)
Do you have kids?
No. I’m a two time aunt, that’s more than enough, lol.
Do you use sarcasm a lot?
Probably too much sometimes, lol
What colour are your eyes?
I always said Blue and green, but I think they’re mainly gray.
Scary Movies or happy endings?
I rarely watch scary movies (as in slashers)... I mean, if they’re on TV, I leave them on as a background noise.. But if we count movies like Sleepy Hollow, Interview with the Vampire etc as scary movies, then I would probably pick those.. But I prefer a happy ending in everything I watch!
Any special talents?
None that I know of. Other than maybe annoying people around me, lol.
Where were you born?
In a hospital in the town nearest to my hometown. Funny story about that (at least it’s funny to me, lol): The town I live in doesn’t have a hospital, so everyone from here was born in that nearest hospital, so I never thought ynthing of it.. Only to find out YEARS later that my parents only moved here when I was 6 months old! That my mom just happened to be in this town at her mother-in-law’s at that moment!
What are your hobbies?
Reading, watching TV shows and sports (tennis, snooker, ice hockey), foreign languages..
Do you have any pets?
I have a dog. But he lives at my mom’s so I don’t get to see him as often anymore..
What sports do you/have you played?
Edit: I left Elsa's anwer here by mistake! Sorry! 🤦‍♀️😅 So here's my answer..
I used to play tennis as a kid (because my sister attented a lesson, so I wanted to do it too), according to my mother I sucked.. But in my mother's eyes I suck at everything, so who knows, lol.
How tall are you?
I’m tiny. 157, 5 cm.. I’m not googling in the feet and inches again.. it was under 5 ft 2 in, i believe, lol
Favorite subject in school?
I always liked Czech (just the grammar though) and chemistry later on. Also back in 2007 when I was 16 and obsessed with German bands (yeah, yeah, yeah, mainly Tokio Hotel, I admit it! lol. But also Nevada Tan/Panik!, Cinema Bizzare and Killerpilze), I put extra effort into the German classes, lol. BECAUSE I saw a Tokio Hotel interview (or maybe it was just the twins? doesn’t matter, lol) and I was just thinking “Man, I’ve been learning German since the 3rd grade and I barely understand 3 sentences.. This is fucking embarrassing! I need to do something about that!” and (mainly thanks to German fanfic writers, lol) I was speaking fluently in no time! I really need to brush up on it agin, hopefully it’s still in there somewhere..
Great, now I’ve listened to “Ich bin nicht ich” at least 30 times over the past two days.. And 20 times to “Totgeliebt”.. HELP ME!!
Still love it, though.. And I must still have that DVD (and CD) somewhere, lmfao..
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And since I’m off the topic anyway (I’M SORRY, but I did warn you, lol), can I just say that I still find it funny that my teen crush is now married to Heidi Klum? Who would have thought almost 16 years ago, lol? Shit, where did all that time go? 😭
Dream job?
Hmm, if I had unlimited supply of money amd could have done anything I wamted to, I would wanna try translating - combing reading and use of foreign languages.. I think that would be great!
Alright, that was fun! Sorry everyone who read my dumb answers, lol
Who else might wanna do this? I’m gonna tag @she-x-wolf​ (feel free to ignore, of course!)
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screwpinecaprice · 5 months
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I woke up feeling like I was crying to sleep when I wasn't??? And my dream was about Mei from Turning Red riding a snow sleigh. Um There's nothing sad about that??? Lol
Anyway, the warm up sketches. The colors were added in Medibang. It was pretty fun, might do that technique some other time. My body still refused to recover from being bummed out throughout the day so I did house chores instead of commissions. 😅 Will try again tomorrow.
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cryolyst · 2 months
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~
#they speak!#it's probably just the illness that's making me extra irritable but like.#roommate kept coming up to me this morning going oh did i wake you up? i'm sorry if i did. did i do that or no? i'm really sorry.#and i kept telling him to stop saying sorry because i didn't have the brain power to phrase#'you could've been more considerate of your volume but you also have the right to use the common space so it's whatever'#but he said it to me again before i went to my room just now and it's like. ok. shut up.#if you actually cared that much u would've just been quieter in the first place actually.#anyways. annoyed. there were some annoying customers in the store today but it was whatever.#i feel like my fucks to give had already worn out with all the ppl in my social circle/my parents and the recent ongoings of that#[redacted] was being passive aggressive to me in the group chat and it's like. ok! idk what u want from me.#and i'm grateful for them for coming over and helping me with cleaning last week#and it's those sorts of actions that let me know they care and want good things for me#but like. i haaaate telling them anything because even innocuous non-private things get turned into judgement with them.#also. more and more i can feel how i'm drifting away from h and now with retrospect i can see how we mutually hurt each other :)#i keep coming back to this one period where i really wanted to take them to try dimsum and they kept saying they were too scared to try it#and in their new friend group they regularly go out n get dimsum together. which on the surface is like. why didn't you want to go with /me#i told you i wanted to share what i liked and i would explain what things were and i could do the talking and you still said no#but it's also very much a reflection of how i always rolled over and enabled them. i never challenged them. i was always passive.#i also feel like i'm heavily neglecting e and a recently and i can tell how the physical distance is affecting us and idk. it's weird.#anyways. another post that should've been a journal entry! lol!#when [redacted] helped with cleaning they also buried my journal under my like#300 packets of sesame candies and i can't be bothered to dig it out. also my bandaids are missing now. <3#ik this also sounds passive aggressive but genuinely appreciate the help i just kinda hate how they think hidin everything in boxes is good#'we need to get you some more storage boxes and containers!!' actually i think that will be the opposite of helpful.#i need everything visible and on open surfaces so i can 1) remember they exist for me to use and 2) not have barriers for me to get to them
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chrisbangs · 9 months
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hello... (and bye ig 👋)
#👋😭 hi...#i haven't come on in about a month and i didn't realize a month passed by like that... i've kinda stopped using any apps on my phone#i barely even talk to my friends anymore lol 😭#i just saw my follower count this morning and realized i hit 13k and i was like 🥸 huh...#uhhhhhhh 😭 idk i wanted to say thank you i guess 🫂#i'm done with stayblr and tumblr in general 😭 this much has been obvious for a while now... i tried to fit myself back in during 5star but#i think i realized i've outgrown the vibes here and in online spaces in general... i don't really enjoy it anymore 😭 which is weird cause#i've used tumblr since i was in middle school so 🫡 end of an era some would say...#i think it sucks because i don't have the same feelings about this place or skz or anything in my life right now... i tried to ignore it bu#it's so obvious now that the entirety of december passed without me really talking to a single person / without me using social media /#without me really doing much except for like homework and assignments lmao#i think genuinely i've stopped enjoying everything i used to like and i don't know why 😭 it hit me the other day bc i don't even enjoy#pc collecting anymore which is CRAZY considering how much time and money i've put into that hobby so 👋🥸 who knows what goes on#i haven't consumed any skz content since rockstar dropped 😭 and that also feels weird to me... idk... i would say maybe i'm going through a#depressive episode but i don't really feel how i do then... i think i'm just tired like i always am and that's just how i am now .. i think#i'm just not really interested in things anymore? weird but .. yeah idk😭 if i knew what was wrong i would Fix It sndjdndkd mostly i'm just#sad because i haven't been talking to friends... i keep ignoring everyone and not replying to any texts from anyone because ????#i tell myself i will do it later but i know i won't ... idk i genuinely don't know why i'm struggling to talk to ppl anymore 😭 i've become#even more of a reclusive hermit than i already was 💀 and the worst part is i feel normal abt it#i don't feel /bad/ i just feel guilty that i'm not replying to ppl bc i don't want to hurt ppls feelings... on my end i feel Normal abt it#like i ??? is it weird that i'm so detached from everything that not even a month ago made me so happy..? that's weird right 😭 like idgi#i don't feel (as) depressed (as i usually do) but clearly ?? smth is wrong ?? like ik i'm not a clingy sentimental person but ? it kinda#makes me sad wondering if i really don't care abt ppl anymore ... but i think 😭 it's also the object permanence issues that come with adhd#not seeing or talking to the ppl i love . not doing my hobbies or seeing the groups i care abt . makes it easy to not care or forget what#they make me feel etc etc ... i get it... but idk 😭 if that's what this is . well wow it sucks ASS.. cause i feel guilty for not feeling#anything at all ... 😭 idk how to explain that HENSKDNISJS anywayyyy 💀#i came on cause i wanted to say thank you for 13k followers 😭‼️ and that i probably will not be online anymore unless i really want to say#this was a really long winded way to say i feel bad but i'm done with stayblr fr 👋🥸 i tried so hard for the last 2 years to make it feel#like home again but it stopped ages ago so 🥹 that's ok.. i still cherish my memories here 🫂 anyway thanku and sjsjsksksks bye i guess 😭#who knows maybe i'll enjoy it one day again and come back :') never know what the future holds 🫡
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rawliverandgoronspice · 3 months
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#thoughts#personal#mental health tw#it's complicated because I both want to address how fucking unhinged I very publically am at the moment#for which I am sorry if you have noticed#and also Not do that and pretend my weirdass behavior flies under the radar and I am being So Very Normal Right Now#which I feel we are past that point but also maybe who cares I don't think people notice but You Know#you get in the thought loop and then it's over#I used to have a private twitter to have weird meltdowns full of me immediately deleting everything I posted#and then I went “wow!! this is not happening anymore!! look at me being an adult about it!!”#and uhh lol#I didn't want it to happen here it's very humiliating to know you are Like This and not being able to affect it much#this too shall pass I suppose#normal posting (???) will resume shortly#I just get super manic when I have mental health cocktails like this + my brain Will Not let me sleep and I need to distract myself#all I want to say is: I'll be normal again at some point probably#it was on slow cook since maybe 9 months and baby it's here now#I'm supposed to go to my first industry event RIGHT after a very very tense burial and I'm already so disheveled like girl what#I'm so going to begin screaming at an industry legend for no reason and then immediately lock myself in a bathroom#anyway. common sense and self control will be back soon#and there are good chances I'll delete this post too at some point!! but. yeah.#it is what it is tm#hope you are as okay as could be#and if not all the courage and strength your way#sending many angry blue ganonpigs your way too. hope that helps! somehow!
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Hi again! Listen, if we indeed get the MK vs SWK fight you've been predicting, I want it to be CATHARTIC. I want both parties fighting to show the RAWEST, UGLIEST, MOST FUCKED UP parts of themselves to each other without holding back, and embrace those parts in one another wholeheartedly just as much at the end. And I don't want this fight to be at the end of the show, no, I want it to be inn the midle of the show run, not even just a few episodes spare afterwards but several seasons, to see them work on the ruined previous framework and build on it as a sturdier, more stable foundation, and I want to see it unfold and develop in the show. I want to see them fight together with that new bond against the big boss or whatever passes as it. I think what I'm trying to say is Eldritch!MK better not be the last boss, and that even in a fight with out-of-control MK, SWK still unconsciously holds back even if he doesn’t want to. Also for Wukong to show his OG power in its full glory at the end against the final boss who is hopefully not Eldritch MK. You may disagree with some of my points but we can agree to disagree. Eat fruits!
DUDE. YES.
In my mind I've never thought of Eldritch!MK as the final big bad, legitimately. Which now I realize that's kinda silly, because the show could go that direction, but in my mind MK would be pushed further down a path of chaos by being manipulated by our new antagonist. This isn't something he would want ("This isn't what I wanted!" for the sweet sweet Azure parallel), but something he'd be pushed into—whether through manipulation, or past memories, or some reveal or WHATEVER it is that pushes him to the brink.
Ultimately however, MK has to eventually defy his fate and use his powers to leave the world "better than he found it"—he has to come to terms with the fact that he'll hurt people, and people will hurt him, and that's how life works. He ultimately has to accept himself. Being the "final boss" of the show would leave very little time for MK to truly learn to love himself and learn who he truly is, which is why I think it probably won't happen. Maybe he'd be the final boss of a season—but certainly not the show as a whole.
But a cathartic and messy Wukong and MK fight? That's something I am hoping we get, and think we definitely have the potential to get! Here's a short list of people who have chewed Wukong out thus far:
Mei (3x10)
Macaque (4x11)
Curse MK (4x07)
Azure (4x13)
Pigsy (2x10)
Ne Zha (3x01, 3x10)
Now, with how often it's brought up the ways in which Wukong has failed MK...don't you think MK should have a turn here? MK gets close in 2x07, but there he's yelling at Macaque disguised as Wukong, so obviously that doesn't count. We are long overdue for MK himself laying out all of the hurt and anger he's been holding onto for 4 seasons—that itself needs to happen, whether it's through a physical fight or not.
And after finally, EVERYTHING is out in the open, they can build their relationship stronger than it was before. I, like you, really do hope Wukong and MK (or even MK and Mei tbh) fight together against our last big bad. Honestly watching them fight together in 4x13 was so fulfilling, seeing them bounce off one another and work together just like MK always wanted.
However, I am also ready for them to tear each other apart (MK for SWK literally, but SWK for MK probably metaphorically lol) and then build each other back up, both of them fully accepting each other, flaws and all. Just because you love each other doesn't mean you won't hurt one another, you know? Just because you love someone doesn't mean they're not flawed. And in some ways, I think both Sun Wukong and MK need to accept that fact about each other. Like, this confrontation needs to be MESSY and RAW, and I think a climatic anime battle is a great way to do that (4x13 MK V Azure fight proving my point perfectly, or honestly even something like Samadhi Fire Mei in 3x10).
But those are just my thoughts!
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astrxealis · 5 months
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sorry to ffxivlovepost always anyway Man the way the devs & game did so good in making an mc that is Basically a blank-slate for the players, and there's so many opportunities to make your oc However you like but. the game itself adds so much story and character to that blank-slate guy. amazing
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#⋯ ꒰ა ffxiv ໒꒱ *·˚#i think abt this a lot. and also a lot of other ffxiv stuff LMFAO#it's amazing ..... drk is a huge example of this i think#bcs it plays into the guilt and whatnot the wol feels and all that. spectacular#endwalker !!!!! shadowbringers!!! the way the game uses the concept of hope is just always so beautiful and fascinating to me#and yeah bunch of games may have like. mc you create & design but not always can you like. ehvejfhsjf idk how to explain LOL#it is 4 pm i woke up 2 hours ago but priorly woke at 7 am after havingn a rlly. weird sleep.#to which my twin told me 'i wont tell u what time it is' as we went to sleep so it def was Really late#bcs we were going thru re2 and she was also playing games on steam i've been telling her to play#(to which i got her fav characters right and knew fr how'd she'd like the game LMFAO. twins amiright.)#actually that is also smth so fascinating to me bcs. i always have had someone w me in my life. i am literally never alone.#to which what i'm getting at here is Wow... it's like having a sleepover every single day. and i was a kid always sad never to have#sleepovers bcs my parents were strict (they r cool tho!) but i was a kid who wanted to experience all the kid things#but i didn't rlly but that's fine :P i am a grateful person LOL anyway back on track back on black#ffxiv... the game that u are.....#it's the 1st game that rlly actually made me invested in the ocs of others and also make a fully fledged oc that wasn't just originally mine#but for a fandom or something. and also it got me back into writing and Into making poetry and prose so. yeah.#it's amazing how much. oc x canon ???? yeah. ffxiv is so Wow#like eveyrhhting w themis or graha and how u can AAGGGHHH shit w your oc . so many possibilities#and that character. those possibilities. are already in game but also expanded by the player and the fanbade and#idk it's so beautiful to me WHAGHSGDJDH. and yes me saying themis or graha up there is self-indukgent bcs#both of them are so Insane it's so. insane!!!!! i will never forget what happened in abyssos in particular that Broke me#and anabaseios... :)) i cried so much it is almost embarrassing. and wow. asphodelos. wverything w themis just. yeah#anyway graha... self-explanatory if u know..... idk he's the character of all time to me. simply said. but themis is crazy bcs going thru ab#yssos made me think for a bit 'hey themis might be my fav character in ffxiv now' but No but also Wow. wow#kinda cute bcs me and my twin have a thing where she has a certain type of chara she likes and me too#so sometimes. most times. all times. we have our own characters we like anyway but sometimes they overlap but either the case we kinda#lowkey 'segregate???' idk if that is a good word but we do that w our fav characters. so like emet is her fav elidibus is mine.#and that was all the way in arrr alr and we barely knew spoilers so that's kinda crazy! anyway
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dbphantom · 1 year
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I figured it out
You haven't done shit
I figured it out
#Ignore the chimney. Please.#Originally was just going to put Lewis's room above the garage but I figured it either has skylights or a seperate attic room so that's#definitely Lawrence and Laura's room [the parents' room]#In my layout for the cartoon I had the kitchen on the other side so the garage door was in the kitchen. I make a lot of reference to this#I am going to go back and fix them I swear... Lol#Also I put Lenny's room on the first floor in the back there bc the garden is basically his#I figure he works with plants he likes that sort of thing#I think Lenny is the black sheep of the family in that he hates going out into the ocean and would rather stay on land#Which you know >w> might come into play later#Luke's room is basically a second guest room since he is a history professor at the college in the next town over#But they still keep it furnished and stuff in case he happens to stop by. Which he never does but still#I know the girls houses don't match the og show's designs (except mostly Rikki's) but like... We have 0 idea what his house looks like#This is the best we got! I'm using it!!#We saw Charlotte's house which is so weird to me. Not because I dislike her. I love Charlotte. But because Lewis has been here since s1#We've seen Zane's and Miriam's houses. But specifically we never see Lewis's. It is weird to me#It's just like Bella. How tf do we see Will's boat shed but not Bella's house????#It just feels off to me. Bella is already an underdeveloped character. Seeing her room even once wouldve really helped establish who she is#Maybe that was the point. They didn't even know who she was meant to be outside the plot :/#Like she could've left some stuff in moving boxes and we could've been like 'she doesn't expect to stay here long no point in unpacking'#She could have photos of all the different places she's been but none of any friends or herself smiling. Just landscapes.#Cutting back to Cleo's room where she has all her photos of her friends framed and stuff#But no! We just see Will's stupid boat shed instead#Smh#Okay I'm sorry I'm not gonna rant abt how they did Bella a huge disservice this time I'm sorry I will NOT#Cruddy rambles
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kate-apologist · 1 year
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shatteredfears-arch · 2 years
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aLSO all DC muses being added/are already here, which i’m posting bc i don’t have bios posted for all of them so this is a quick rundown. as generally known, the main plotline of this blog is one big universe, but ofc, there are basis for these characters personality traits. And the main verse that is this blog’s verse has a mix of S/nyder and R/eeves, we don’t accept hate to either here. Also technically J/oker 2019. minor comic and other influences but i take what fits into the main world as my wild colorful brain views it (and yes, as an autistic, I view things differently than the non auts who call me names or choose to insult me-- too bad so sad for u tho i’m friends w the block button) 
(obvious content warnings considering the fandom, a lot of these ppl are murderers, one of them considers consent 'optional' canonically, even in her 'good person' phase. some of these people are serial killers. gordon's chill but he's also a cop so that defaultly makes him not great when, like me, you're not white. he's not white either tho, and is trying to fix the issue from the inside, but it's still not a great career. if anyone knows anything abt pamela's backstory, i'm not mentioning it here, but that girl's been through it okay.)
B/rucey Wayne, obvs E/d Nashton, unfortunately, tho he’s technically an NPC/by request H/arvey D/ent, with a different take primarily based on T/elltale, where yknow, he becomes evil whether he’s mutilated or not. stop being gross DC if T/elltale a company owned by gross ppl can do it so can you. H/arley Q/uinn, who’s been here, she’s not an original take she’s based off her og solo run but ppl think ‘oh she’s mean’ means original take when thats LITERALLY WHO SHE WAS BEFORE THEY WATERED HER DOWN TO HEROFY HER I dont accept that arc here. but i'm also not including all the canonical times she's forced consent on others, aka pushing J/oker into sex, breaking into floyd's house and laying naked in his bed and bullying him until he agrees to have sex, pushing ivy into physical contact until ivy agrees no matter how many times they say no. yeah. none of that happens here. but i do recognize it happens in canon, even if the fandom refuses to. al/exis k/aye, aka p/unchline, also a mostly original storyline not entirely following the comics, but idk i think she’s neat du/ella d/ent, aka h/arvey’s bio daughter who he was so disappointed wasn’t twins he chose to ignore entirely, bc even tho i love harv/ey he is a terrible dad. case in point, his daughter’s obsession w villains and calling herself their daughters (she’s been j/okers daughter, ri/ddler’s daughter, etc, her coping mechanism is a piece of work). pre her taking that route tho, but she is presently obsessed with E/dward post TB2022.  floyd la/wton, aka d/eadshot, based on older comics, with hints of ss2016 but not a lot, deffo inspo from jltas and games tho. i will never write fl/oyd x h/arley please never ask me, she literally wouldn’t leave him alone and broke into his house and sat naked in his bed until he’d have sex w her in canon. we’re not doing that here. keep that away from me.  s/ofia f/alcone, carmine’s legitimate daughter and therefore selina’s half sister. inheritor of carmine’s entire criminal bs, but because she wasn’t a player at the time, now has to become a player in the war for head of gotham crime.  jane mo/riarty, technically started as an original interpretation of a moriarty sibling from s/herlock h/olmes, but i plotted and developed a DC plot relating to her in the TB2022 universe, so she’s here now. university professor by day, weaving the web of gotham’s underground criminal schemes by night.  J/ames G/ordon, currently a detective in go/tham, not yet commissioner, trusts batsy entirely but doesn’t let the team know about his affiliation with him. uncle to and eventually adopted father of his niece, b/arbara g/ordon, when his brother and sister in law die in a car crash. 
P/amela I/sley, who is mostly based between older comics (including her runs in the SS) and A/rkhamverse, NOT watering her down the way the comics and shows did to just turn her into ‘har/ley’s girlfriend’ nor will i pretend the canonical interpretation of their ship is somehow healthy when they’ve beaten the shit out of and mentally abused each other to no end. in general if you want a healthy ship, don’t look towards h/arley, and i/vy deserves better, but all in all I am not watering them down for the sake of romance. they’re villains. we can write them as healthily as we can plot if you want, but pamela deserves better than what the comics and that show have done for her. and the fandom as a whole tbh, which is why i love the interpretations i follow over canon 99% of the time. and if you wanna plot/write w any of them lmk and hit me up w a plot if u have one, or if you wanna try and get to a comic point or game point or anything, it can be discussed, but i will not jump into ships w pamela, alexis, or ivy. everyone else is a case by case basis.
anyways here's the new carrd. almost none of the characters mentioned have bios btw that's why i'm posting this here lol.
#bc everytime i post smthn w pam i get fake accts messaging me abt wanting to write canon scenes that are majorly abusive and getting mad at#everytime i say no lol#'it's a different canon to--' funny how that's only ever said#to excuse hypocrisy#don't think i don't notice i'm autistic i notice almost everything#the slightest hint that you're being weird to me i fucking notice#removing me from your list bc you found sb else who you like writing w more???? yeah i noticed that too lol#i just didn't say anything but i notICED#thx#anyways#abuse cw#sa cw#out.#i love hq don't get me wrong#90% of the fandom including those that recognize that all her ships are abusive not just jhq but h/ivy is too lol#even the ppl that DO recognize that#claim her forcing consent is okay bc 'it's played off as a joke!!!' and no#forcing consent isn't a joke#showing up in a man's bed completely naked when he's already told you no MULTIPLE times isn't okay either#and i'm tired of ppl pretending she's only a victim like she's been a victim yes#but she victimizes others s o much she's a horrible person#and the worst kind of manipulator#she's bubbly and lovably too don't get me wrong she isn't aware she's doing it#but that doesn't make it okay#alexis is so cool tho this bitch LITERALLY manipualted the entire world via social media#to get clear cut off of being held legally responsible for anything#and make the batfam look bad#she's an evil genius it's just a shame that#her current personality is so similar to harley's original personality#ran out of tags BUT if anyone wants me to do this for each fandom things are coming in/out of lmk bc i may
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kuiinncedes · 13 days
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bro
#i hate job apps lmao kinda in the trenches rn#i'm so idk so mixed feelings rn 💀#i think my self esteem when it comes to job apps is like fucking shot from career fair and job rejections and everything#my last interview was offered like a couple days before the interview and i just winged it and didn't rly prepare#and then after the interview realized i actually kinda like the company and would kinda wnat the job more than my lack of prep suggests LOL#but i applied for smth over the summer and they said they'd actually be interested in giving me an offer#but i committed to staying on campus for this yr (which i could've done stuff to get out of but i have dumb reasons for it ig)#but they just reached out and said they'd STILL be interested in offering me a job for summer 2025 start date#and it makes me fucking sad that i feel so weird abt it LMFAO i am happy abt it#but like literally this week has been so many rejections back to back bc i've been applying to things at my (old) college's career fair#and so many of them have already just immediately rejected me 💀#so a big part of me rn is like why the fuck would this company even still want me ya know#😀😀😀😀 i thnk i'll cry abt this at some point idk when tho 😀😀😀😀#also my mom keeps nagging me to apply for masters which i haven't actually looked into at all yet#i think esp bc she called me last night and was like no one's gonna give you a chance bc you only have bachelors#so you can't compete when theres masters and phd applicants too#which is true ig like i have just gotten flat out rejected without any interview or anything so many times#sooooo all of that adding up to me being like well i somehow tricked this company into still wanting me right#even tho i am literally doing nothing this yr i'm staying on campus bc i like it here#and i have a remote part time job and i'm figuring out what i want to do#jfc idk lmfao i'm also nervous abt telling my mom bc i feel like she just#ughhhgiuhdgfiwtglkdghfajs she can be very critical and judgmental ;-;#and i fele like she's been like that kind of a lot w job/masters conversations and i don't rly like talking to her abt it lmfao#when she called me yesterday she started nagging me abt job apps and not being picky abt stuff and i'm like#you have told me this 746598347 times i rly don't need to hear it again#i do appreciate and love my mom but i just rly don't like this lmfao#i think she'd be ok w it / happy i guess she did tell me to apply for this company at one point a while ago#i wanna scream lmfao#bro i wish tumblr would tell me when im RUNNING OUT OF TAGS rip some of this rambling i don't even remember what i said LOL#jeanne talks
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illegiblewords · 3 months
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With these, 50 Aesthetics complete! These are Adventurecore, Spacecore, Bohemian, and Junglecore.
#aesthetics#Adventurecore is kind of vague and confusing in the sense that it sounds a lot like Gorpcore#'You want to look like you can just go on an adventure at any time'#'Very practical and comfortable'#I thought about it a bit and decided to figure out a way to differentiate#Decided to go for the vibe of a modern fairy tale protagonist who has to keep to the path and deal with random talking animals#You could do a stroll through the woods in this maybe or do some casual fishing#I went for the angle that the person was unexpectedly plunged into a weird situation and isn't perfectly prepared lol#Monochrome is because I think it adds a bit to the out-of-place vibe + I think it's stylish#Spacecore I tried very hard to set apart from Aliencore as a whole plush notwithstanding#Bohemian I wanted to make another/more obvious orange design and this aesthetic felt the most distinct from others I've done already#It was the last one I picked and I struggled a bit with what I'd do there#Considered Arcadecore and Old Money but Arcadecore felt more similar to others I'd done#While Old Money felt like a less interesting version of Academias or Nautical#It's basically preppy with a few extra steps and kind of vague guidelines#Junglecore technically has two possible angles that are not similar at all lol#One was 'you are a Western explorer in khakis and a safari hat' while the other was 'you're covered in jungle imagery/iconography'#Weirdly most people seemed to be doing the first angle while I haven't encountered the second much#I wanted to do a deep green design and I love animals a lot so went that route#And it was fun making a clear separation from tropical tbh#I considered Coconut Girl but have a lot of ocean looks already and I wasn't sure if it would stand out or be versatile enough#There are over 300 aesthetics so definitely didn't do them all haha and there might be some that are very distinct that I wasn't aware of#If you have reached this point gold star for commitment! ;P
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discoreptile · 8 months
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Shellycoat
#heyo again posting in the ol tags#At a moral quandary but I guess I'll update yous on my life while I think of a way to sound it out#I am currently single. This is a big deal for me because I am coming to terms with my status as a serial monogamist#I think my ex has been not single longer than I have so I'm not feeling guilty about it. Just feels weird being single is all.#I'm doing the whole dating thing again. Have been on 2. First one I stayed at her spare room and freaking cried. Haven't spoken to her sinc#Second one I stayed in her spare room and she stayed with her roommate. Both times I didn't want things to go physical. Both over now.#The second one I was more optimistic for tho.Prominent thing was that she wanted me to date her and others. So I'm not exclusive with anyon#And I still maintain that. Doesn't feel good bc when I go on a date with one it feels like I'm cheating on the others.#But i have such low confidence that I don't want to turn anyone down or keep anyone waiting for me to ask them out. So idk what I'm doing#anyway. moral quandary. I just realized I can't actually talk about it. But I have to choose advancing my own career at the cost of my sou#it would be really nice to get some big £$£$ but I'd have to sort of betray new boss a little. Who has already given me permission to do so#it doesn't feel right. Shellycoat here is from new project. Ugh I dunno. I think I'm going o have to sell out just a little.#Bein single again shows me how behind I am for my age. Still can't drive still living with my best pal. Probably goin bald soon#then again I've been saying that for years now. Maybe I have a few years left of it. But yeah. I don't earn very much rn. When I get those#questionaires I'm often in the lowest bracket so i'm like “I am among the poorest of ppl then??” One lady stopped talking to me when I#told her I rented a flat. Which implies a lot of men my age own property already. But did they get them with their morals intact or did the#have to do a bit of backstabbing on the way? Anyway. I guess I'm happy that I'm not just whining about my love life.Maybe being single is o#still wanting to get out there. Maybe I'll make another post about that or whenever I'm not single lol
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witchwhaat · 1 year
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uni starts tmrw i feel so sick
#like 'i've been nauseous for the whole week' kind of sick#like 'i think i'd rather die than go back to uni' sick#and feeling this fucking terrible i still thought that it's a good idea to start yet another course?? like the fuck is wrong with you girl#it feels so weird bc i did want to get in but i was so sure i WON'T get in#and now that i actually did i'm just so scared lol#can you tell i have no idea what i'm doing with my life lol#like i knoooow time will pass anyway i know#but i wish i knew what i was doing with it#i don't want to keep on trying things until i finally find something for me i just want to know already#i want to be at peace with what i'm doing#and i want to not be so scared of everything all the time#there are so many things that i could and would like to try but they all take time and effort and i simply can't afford to try them all#do you see what i mean?#like i can start as many uni courses i want i can pick up as many hobbies i want but at the end i have to stick to smth#and finally decide what i want to do with myself#and i'm just so tired omg#like. literally and metaphorically#i did nearly nothing i should have done for uni during summer but i also didn't really rest#so i'm tired and unprepared#just let me go on a year long vacation and sleep lol idk#i really don't want to come back#and i should feel excited about the new course but i simply can't bc i'm so anxious about everything#like what's the point of me getting in and starting it when i'm not even excited about it#okay anyway#sorry for venting and being so negative about everything here recently#i just really don't know what to do with myself anymore#agnes talking
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