#just let me cry on my floor in the fetal position in peace please thank you goodbye

[lock-my-feelings-in-a-jar]

[moons-and-stars-and-shit]

Okayyyy so here’s what I’m Thinking. Bokuto was well known in Tokyo and everyone knew not to mess with him. He met reader at a book shop she worked at. He found her very interesting. The reader is a bit shy. They became friends and started liking each other. She didn’t know that he was in the maifa until she saw him kill someone. He then tired to tell her it’s not what it looked like but reader was afriad of him and ran home. She avoided him for weeks until he showed up at her door with flowers and a bunch of gifts and begged her to talk. - 🍒

𝙼𝚊𝚏𝚒𝚊! 𝙱𝚘𝚔𝚞𝚝𝚘 𝚡 𝚁𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛

𝙲𝚆: 𝙼𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚜 𝚘𝚏 𝙼𝚞𝚛𝚍𝚎𝚛/𝚍𝚎𝚊𝚝��, 𝙶𝚞𝚗 𝚒𝚜 𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚎𝚍, 𝙺𝚒𝚜𝚜𝚒𝚗𝚐, 𝙵𝚕𝚞𝚏𝚏 𝚝𝚘 𝙰𝚗𝚐𝚜𝚝 𝚝𝚘 𝙵𝚕𝚞𝚏𝚏 𝚊𝚐𝚊𝚒𝚗

𝚆𝚘𝚛𝚍 𝙲𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚝: 2.5

Oh god

It was moments like these where you wish you could just travel back in time...or at the very least erase your memory...but life won't give you those options, so the only option you have now is to run.

6 Months Ago…

"Ah yes there's nothing quite like this" you thought to yourself flipping to the next page of your favorite book. You really loved working in the local bookshop. Your friends would always joke around how it fitted your “aesthetic” so well. Not that you could disagree though, you couldn't deny that you loved evenings like these, where the rain was pouring outside while you were inside the building reading a book. The faint smell of coffee from the coffee shop next door being the cherry on top to this little vibe you had going on. “Y/n! Do you think you could close up shop for me? I gotta go pick up my brother from practice before this rain gets too crazy". You were brought back into reality by your co-workers request. “Oh for sure! Go ahead.i'll take care of it” you said putting down your book. She thanked you before grabbing her coat and heading outside. You looked up at the clock making a mental note to start closing up in about 20 minutes. Suddenly your train of thought was interrupted by the shop's door opening, causing the little bell on top to jingle. Thinking it was your co-worker you turned around to ask what she had forgotten only to be face to face with a man.

Uhm...Hey! Do you mind if i stay here until this storm dies down?” the male asked you. Giving him a quick look up and down you took notice just how drenched he was, from his grey and black hair dripping and sticking to his face, to his clothes that might as well have been dunked in water with how wet they have gotten. “O-Oh of course! Please come in'' you stuttered after realizing you had been staring at him just a second too long. You quickly ran to the back to grab the blanket you and your co-worker use whenever it gets too cold in the store. Running back to the front you hand the mystery man the blanket. “This won't do much for the clothes but maybe you can at least get your hair dry” you say as he takes the blanket. “Thank You so much!” he said beaming. There was a bit of awkward silence as he dried his hair off, but the silence was broken when he handed you back the blanket. “You're not much of a talker are you?” he said with a light chuckle. He made his way over to one of the reading chars and took a seat, motioning for you to do the same. “Yeah uh...sorry I'm a bit shy! Especially around strangers who just happen to walk into my bookshop” you said making your way to sit next to him. Once you had sat down he looked at you with shining eyes and a oh so bright smile “Well if that's the problem” he said holding his hand out to you ”I'm Bokuto Koutarou!”. You laughed a little at his enthusiasm before grabbing his hand “Well Bokuto, it's nice to meet you, I'm Y/n”

That night was the first of many that you'd be spending with Bokuto, in fact after that night he had become a frequent customer at the bookshop, always coming at the later hours, and always keeping you company whenever you started closing up. Hell he's even taken you out for drinks a couple times after your shift. You have never been one to trust strangers, let alone become good friends with them but shockingly enough, you felt rather comfortable around this strange man. Maybe it was his bright personality, or the way his eyes seemed to sparkle wherever he laid them on you, or even the way that his laugh caused a giggle or two to escape from your own lips. Either way you liked this Bokuto Koutarou, and if only you knew how much Bokuto liked you as well. Lucky both of your feelings would come to light on a night similar to the night Bokuto magically waltzed into your life...

Here you both were, sitting on the very same chairs you had introduced yourselves in. Only this time, you were both reading your respective books. However this peace was soon interrupted by a whiny Bokuto. “Y/nnnn I'm so boredddd” Bokuto said slamming his book shut. You put your bookmark in your book before closing it and looking at his puppy dog eyes ``Y'know for someone who comes into a bookshop so often, you're not that interested in books are you?” you told him with a smirk. “Hey! I'm smart enough without the help of your stinky books'' he said tapping the book against your head.. You grabbed the book from his hands and stuck your tongue out, watching as he plopped back on his self proclaimed “personal reading chair”. “Besides, I only ever really come to this shop to spend time with you”. You blushed at his small comment but not wanting your feelings to get the best of you quite yet, you decided to “test” these waters you were trending in. “What? You got a crush on me or something?” you said giving him a playful nudge. Now it was his turn to blush. It was silent for a beat to long and you were about to take back what you had just said, but you were quickly cut of when Bokuto took your hand, looked you dead in your eyes with a look that sent shivers down your spine “Would you hate me if I did?” he asked you in a soft tone, almost like a child admitting they broke something to their parent, a big contrast from his usual loud and confident voice. Instead of responding you simply squeezed his hand and cupped his face with the other “I would never hate you, especially if i feel the same way about you” Not being able to hold back anymore he simply grabbed your face and pulled you in for a soft but passionate kiss.pulling away he looked at you with all the love in the world “Y/n, I really want to be with you, but… there's a part of my life that you've never seen and I don't want to lose you over that” he told you, his eyes beginning to gloss over. Still pretty confused about what he was talking about you only took his face in your hand once more “Kou I will love you no matter what. Even your ugly parts”. Bokuto pulled you into a hug, trying to hide the tears that were falling freely from his eyes now. “Y-You promise?”

“I Promise”

Present Day

Thinking about that night still caused butterflies to flutter in your stomach. But now as you were running towards your apartment as if you were running from the grim reaper himself you couldn't ignore the feeling of dread that was sitting next to those butterflies. Had you really just seen that? Did you really just see your loving goofball of a boyfriend kill someone? It was supposed to be a normal night. You had closed the shop and were beginning to walk back home when you saw familiar spiky hair across the road. Curiosity had got the best of you, so… you decided to investigate. What you didn't expect to see was your boyfriend holding a gun to a man's head. It had all happened so fast first the crack of the gun, then your scream, then Bokuto's horrified expression as he turned and saw you standing there with your hand over your mouth. Before Bokuto could even try to explain what he had done, you ran. You ran away as if he was going to point the gun at you next.

Finally. Finally you were safe in your apartment. Your lungs felt like they were on fire, and your legs felt like absolute jelly. All you could do was collapse to the floor and break down crying. The scene from earlier replaying over and over in your head, causing you to get even more hysterical. Suddenly your phone started buzzing. You picked it up, as if you didn't already know who it was calling. The image of your boyfriend's face appeared on your screen, he looked nothing like the man who you had just seen commit that heinous deed. Suddenly anger took over your senses and you threw your phone across the room, returning to your fetal position to cry all your emotions out, eventually crying yourself to sleep

When you had finally awoken the sun was rising and the birds outside were singing their spring songs. You pulled yourself off of the floor before making your way to your phone across the room. "Damn it" you thought. Of course you had cracked your screen. Turning the phone on you was bombarded by hundreds of missed calls and text messages from your boyfriend. Could you even call him that any more? Would you really look at the man you saw kill and call him your boyfriend? Opting not to answer any of his messages or return any of his calls, you blocked him and went to go make you some tea, hoping to calm your still frazzled nerves”

The next few days were pretty quiet you hadn't even dared to leave your apartment, let alone even show up at work. You had called out telling your co-worker that you came down with a terrible cold and wouldn't be in for a couple of days. Sitting alone in your apartment during this time really gave you time to think about the events you had witnessed that night. Is this what Bokuto was talking about that night he confessed to you? Is this what he was afraid of losing you over? you couldn't really blame him if it was. But still, he could have at least warned you about this part of his life, or at the very least act like he was a cold blooded killer! You still couldn't bring yourself to think that the man you had cuddled in bed with, the man you had taken walks in the park with, the very man who opted to release a spider instead of killing it, would actually have it in him to kill an actual person. Suddenly your thoughts were interrupted by a knock at the door. Still a little on edge you jumped at the sudden sound before that familiar sense of dread flooded your stomach. “Well gotta face the music some time” you breathed out slowly walking towards the door.

When you had opened the door you were practically tackled into a hug by a very hysterical Bokuto. You froze at the sudden contact “How could a man hug you with the very same hands he took someone's life with?" You thought as you gently pushed him off you. “Y/n I know I'm probably the last person you want to see right now but-” he was interrupted when you raised your hand. “You have 10 minutes to explain yourself then you either need to leave, or I'm calling the cops” you told him motioning for him to come inside. Bokuto practically jumped at the opportunity to finally explain himself to you and hopefully make you understand why he did what he did.

Each of you took a seat at your dining table. It was time for you to get answers... “Ok for starters, why are you here?” you started staring at him coldly. “Well you weren't answering any of my calls or texts and whenever I stopped by the bookshop you were never there, so I got worried” he replied fiddling with his thumbs. You slowly nodded at his answer. “So are you gonna tell me what the hell happened that night or are you just gonna sit there” you spat at him almost angrily. He flinched at your words before taking a deep breath “Well what did you see?” he asked. That was it for you. You slammed your hands on the table, not able to control your anger any more. “WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN WHAT DID I SEE?!?!? I SAW YOU FUCKING KILL SOMEONE KOUTAROU!!” you screamed at him standing up from your seat.”I DID IT TO PROTECT YOU!” he shouted back at you, throwing his hands up in the air. You both stared at each other in teary silence. “Y/n please let me explain… then you can hate me or kick me out i don't care! Just please…” you huffed before sitting back down, doing your best to hold back your own tears. “Ok” he said, trying to find a way to tell you everything “My family has always been a part of the mafia” he started, “When I turned 18 it was time for me to “take over” the family business” your mouth fell open, since he was 18? He's been doing this since he was 18? “When I first met you, I never ever wanted to tell you how much you meant to me because I never wanted you to find out about this part of my life, or even worse...I never wanted this part of my life to find out about you” he continued. You scrunch your eyebrows in confusion. “What do you mean “find out about me”” you asked him. “I mean, that if my rivals found out about you and I, they would start to come after you”. Your eyes widened at this. “S-so that guy you shot-” “was trying to kill you” he said finishing off your sentence. He then looked up at you, visible tears in his eyes. “I'm so sorry Y/n I never wanted to put you in any sort of danger but-” you had cut him off when you smashed your lips against his. All this time you had thought he killed that man out of cold blood. Not once did you even consider he was doing it for you. He kissed you back before pulling you into the tightest hug. “Y-your not mad?” he blubbered out. “Not anymore,” you said, smiling at him. “ I just wish you would have told me,” you said. “But I didn't want to lose you…” he whispered in your ear. One last time, you took his face into both of your hands. “Bokuto Koutarou I love you” you said, letting the tears fall from your eyes. He laughed a soft laugh “even the ugly parts?” he asked you

“Even the ugly parts”

[whumper-boi]

Could we see Dog and Whumpee cuddles??? 🥺🥺

Of course 🥺

(I had to Google the definition of void and it deleted my first response so I had to put my phone down and just go to bed🤠🔫 so sorry about the wait)

(Also this isn’t exactly what I think you had in mind, but I don’t have much experience with cuddling dogs [mine just huffs at me and dips] so I hope this is good enough)

They knew it wasn’t going to be a good day when they woke up terrified at the sound of the alarm, and flinched when Caretaker handed them their breakfast.

“Nope. There is no way in hell I’m going to leave you here like this Whumpee.” Caretaker already had their phone out, clicking through it. “I’ll just cancel the meeting.”

Whumpee sighed, putting the fork down in the food they weren’t going to eat. “Caretaker, you said it yourself, this meeting is one of the most important events of your career. Don’t let me ruin that.”

They lowered their phone slightly, giving Whumpee a soft look. “There is nothing more important then you. If I have to go, fucking, shove a boiled egg down the Queen’s throat for you, then so be it.”

Whumpee frowned. They really didn’t want to get in Caretaker’s way, especially since they were doing everything for them. “Caretaker,” they said, pushing the phone down gently. “I’ll be fine-“

“But-“

“Go to your meeting. Maybe some time alone is what I need.”

Caretaker looked unconvinced. “That’s never been the case before.”

“Well maybe it’ll change.” They put a hand on Caretaker’s. “Please? For me?” They made a puppy dog face, one they knew they couldn’t refuse.

Caretaker sighed. “Alright Whumpee.” They stood up, taking Whumpee’s untouched plate and putting it in the kitchen.

On their way out, they kissed Whumpee’s forehead, petting their dog who just got up. Recently, the dog had been laying in bed with Whumpee after they came back from the hospital.

Caretaker, before, had always been reluctant to let pets on the furniture because of hair, or smell, but after... the incident... the dog was allowed anywhere that Whumpee would be.

“Are you sure you’re going to be okay lovebug?”

Whumpee nodded, holding their arms out for Caretaker to pull them into a hug.

“I love you,” they said, face muffled in Whumpee’s hair. “Call me if you need anything.”

“Love you too, and I will.”

“I’m serious Whumpee, I’ll tear this city apart for you.”

“I know.” Caretaker pressed another kiss to the top of their hair. “[Dog], protect my baby.”

The dog wagged their tail, rubbing their snout into Caretaker’s leg. They smiled, opening the door to reveal what looked like the start of a thunderstorm.

Whumpee felt themself pale. Thanks to Whumper, they had a deeprooted fear of lightning and thunder.

Caretaker turned around, eyes filled with concern. “Are you sure you don’t want me to stay back doll?”

Whumpee swallowed painfully, then put on a brave face. “I’m okay, Caretaker. I’ll see you in a few hours.”

“Alright, bye my love.” They closed the door.

After locking the door, Whumpee turned to their dog. “Alright [dog], it’s just you and me, you know what time it is?”

The dog looked at the leash hanging next to the door, wagging their tail quicker.

“Nope. It means I’m going to be able to do self destructive habits in peace, and you’re not going to snitch.” They stroked the back of the dog’s ears, then pulled on them.

They walked into the living room and immediately went back to sleep on the couch.

——— (TW ed)

They’d been asleep for around forty five minutes until they’d been woken up but the painful emptiness of their stomach.

They saw their uneaten breakfast on the counter and glared at it, putting it on the floor for their dog.

After sitting and sniffing at it, the dog looked back up at Whumpee.

“What? Don’t tell me Caretaker drugged it.” They picked it up, trying to figure out what was wrong with it. They took a bite out of a piece of bacon, chewing and shrugging. “It taste fine to me.”

They threw it to the dog, who caught and ate it mid-air.

“Hm.” They offered another piece of bacon, which was rejected. They bit it, offering it again. The dog took it.

“Oh... I see.” This went on, the dog occasionally huffing at them when their bites got too small.

Whumpee didn’t realize that almost a third of the plate was gone, and they didn’t feel like throwing it back up. They gave a small smile, knowing caretaker would be proud of them.

“You’re my little partner in crime, aren’t you?” They rubbed their head and stomach, cooing praises to the dog.

———

Whumpee decided, why not do some chores for Caretaker? They already did plenty for them, so why not pay it back?

Whumpee did some laundry, being trailed by their dog for every piece of clothing he dropped (and they dropped a lot).

Dishes didn’t have much to it, but they did get barked at because they kept spraying their poor dog with the spray bottle.

This only made whumpee go on more of a tangent, chasing them around the house with a pink spray bottle, until they slipped and the dog got revenge by licking all over their face.

———

They had texted Caretaker, who wanted to make sure everything was going alright.

Whumpee asked about the meeting, (which was going good) asked if they could eat the entire tub of ice cream (no, because they’re not supposed to be eating too much dairy), and when they’re coming home, which would be at around four.

It was only twelve now.

Whumpee went into Caretaker’s room, waiting for their dog before closing the door and crawling onto the bed.

They preferred being in Caretaker’s room after a torrent of nightmares, and plus, their television was bigger.

The movie had been playing for about twenty minutes when Whumpee heard the first boom. They sat up quickly, noticing as the dog perked up from the foot of the bed.

The sound of heavy rain was clashing on the windows, terrifying crashing noises came from the outside.

They pulled out their phone, about to call Caretaker when they saw the text from around 16 minutes ago:

‘Going into the meeting now, love you’

They were just going to put their headphones on and try their hardest to ignore it, when another loud crush caused them to drop it and scream.

“No, no, no, no-“ they slammed their hands to their ears, a choked out sob rising in their chest.

Another crash.

Whumpee screamed, dropping and curling into a fetal position. “Stop! Please!” They begged to no one, finding it harder and harder to breathe.

They couldn’t breathe they couldn’t breath they couldn’t breathe they couldn’t breathe they-

A bark brought them back to the present. Their dog was circling around them, bumping them with their snout.

They wrapped their arms around the dog, trying to calm down their hectic breathing.

Another crash.

The dog has rested their head on Whumpee’s neck, licking their hands that were squeezing tightly around them.

They laid like this for a while, Whumpee flinching at every loud bang, and the dog just licked their hands, bringing them back to reality.

When Whumpee finally managed to get off the ground, they found themself staggering, unable to stand and walk properly.

This almost made them fall again, except that the dog stood next to Whumpee, allowing them to use themself as a support system. “Good [dog],” they said, staggering over to Caretaker’s bed and crawling in.

The dog sat by the side of the bed, watching Whumpee with curious eyes and a tilted head.

There was another crash of lightning, albeit quieter, but still making them flinch and cry out. The dog then braced, jumping up onto the bed and laying right next to whumpee.

They burrowed their head into their dog’s stomach, covering their ears and trying to ignore the storm raging on outside.

“Thank you buddy,” they said, curling around the dog.

———

When Caretaker finally got the door closed, (thanks to the wind making it hard), they noticed that Whumpee wasn’t in the living room like they expected.

“Whumpee, baby, I’m home!” There was no response. This wasn’t too much of a concern for them, as whumpee could be taking a shower or listening to music.

They moved into the kitchen, noticing the plate which was obviously missing some of the substance on it.

Caretaker nearly cried right then and there. Whumpee was eating.

Walking around, they found a spray bottle on the floor, some socks laying around, and just other clues that someone had been doing stuff.

Caretaker went upstairs, intending to just bring their stuff up, when they heard the TV playing in their room.

“Whumpee, are you... oh.” Curled up on their bed was whumpee, wrapped around their pet dog.

The dog was up, watching Caretaker lay their stuff down.

“Thank you for watching them [dog].” They pet the top of their head, kissing whumpee on the forehead.

[tk-writer]

Just like old times. [ATLA - Zukaang]

Shortly after he laid down to rest that night, Zuko was yanked awake by yet another frightful nightmare. 

He was drenched in sweat, despite sleeping shirtless with all the bedroom windows open, and his lungs desperately gasped for air as if it were foreign to his body. Grounding himself back in reality was proving to be a challenge with the image of his father still burned into his mind.

It was the same dream that had plagued him since the age of thirteen. Five long years had passed since the fateful day of their agni kai, but being forced to relive it almost every night made it seem like it had just happened yesterday. It was as if the wound was still fresh, the fire still hot, the pain still throbbing.

The fire prince let out a dejected sigh before he decided to get up. He stumbled around in the dark until he was able to shove his feet into a nearby pair of slippers. Then he marched to the nearest bathroom in search of water.

Things were pretty quiet in the palace of the fire nation. After his father had been defeated at the hands of the avatar, the world entered an era of unfamiliar peace. Nowadays, the palace felt more like a home and less like a prison. There wasn’t the same aura of tension surrounding everyone and everything that stepped foot inside, partially in thanks to the fact that Aang had decided to stick around for a while. Something about helping rebuild the fire nation and introducing the element of “fun” back into the culture. What was supposed to be a short term stay had quickly turned into a year, then two, until Aang had practically moved in. 

(Not that Zuko really minded.)

After downing two cups of cold water, he felt his body return to homeostasis and figured it was best to try and get some more sleep. He made his way back to the bedroom, fumbling around until his hands felt the coolness of the slightly damp sheets. He plopped down unceremoniously and let out another sigh before closing his eyes once more.

His eyes shot back open when he sensed movement beside him and hot breath on the right side of his cheek. He turned his head ever so slightly and came face to face with a lithe figure, donning the goofiest grin known to man.

“... AAH!”

“Waaah!”

“Who’s there?!” He leapt out of the bed with a fighting stance, hands already ablaze with fiery blue embers. 

“Chill out! It’s me, Aang!”

The flames provided just enough light for him to see the airbender lounging across the mattress like it was his own. It was enough to pacify his fear. Zuko lit a candle on the nightstand before putting out the fire he’d summoned and inhaled sharply, crossing his arms in annoyance.

“What the hell are you doing in my bed?”

“I heard you yelling in your sleep and it woke me up! I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

Feeling a bit sheepish, Zuko scratched the back of his head and lowered his gaze to the floor.

“Oh, uh… sorry about that.”

Aang looked concerned, his brows furrowed with worry. Zuko didn’t dare meet his gaze, knowing it would give away his uneasiness and cause even more trouble for himself.

“Are you okay? You looked really stressed.”

“I’m fine. You can go back to your room now.”

He waited for Aang to move, but instead ended up staring at him awkwardly as the avatar showed no sign of leaving. Instead, he rolled onto his stomach and practically shouted out a suggestion.

“Why don’t we have a sleepover tonight?!”

“What? No. Why would we do that.”

 “Come oooon, it’ll be just like old times when the gang was all together!”

“You mean when we slept on the ground and had no money?”

“Yeah! Except this time it’ll be more comfortable. Ya know, with a bed and a roof over our heads and all.”

Aang seemed pretty gungho about it, and Zuko found it difficult to keep saying no when he was giving him those damn puppy dog eyes, so he found himself giving in without much more of a fight.

(How did he know those always worked on him?)

“Alright. But only for tonight.”

Aang let out a triumphant cry, eliciting a stern “Shhhh!” from Zuko who didn’t want to disturb the others sleeping in the rooms next door. He cautiously crawled back into the king sized bed, taking care not to bump into his uninvited guest. Turning his back to the airbender, he curled into a fetal position and closed his eyes in another attempt at peaceful slumber.

“Goodnight, Aang.”

“Goodnight, Zuko.”

It was quiet for about two seconds, until Zuko felt something thin and soft flutter around his waist. On instinct, he let out a muffled cry as panic struck through his chest.

He relaxed once he realized it was just Aang’s hands.

“Aang,” he warned in a low tone. “Why are you hugging me.”

“For reassurance!” He sang out happily. “So you don’t feel scared anymore.”

“I told you, I’m fine,” Zuko argued as he started to squirm from the feather-light touches on his sides. “You don’t need to -aheeha!”

Another cry slipped out after he felt Aang’s hands brush right above the band of his pants. It was a silly sensation that made him twitch wildly, against his better nature. He felt Aang adjust himself, wrapping his arms a little tighter as his fingers continued to absentmindedly brush against Zuko’s bare skin. The firebender struggled to keep from laughing. Physical touch had not been a part of his life for many years, and being reintroduced to it now was making him very, very flustered.

“Hah! What was that?”

“It’s no-ahaha!-thing! Stop touching me like that, jeez…”

“Why? Wait, are you…”

Zuko tensed up, sensing what was to come next. Aang fell silent, spurring the fire prince’s anxiety even more. There was no need to finish the question when he already knew the answer.

“Aang, no.”

“Aang, yes.”

Ten fingers suddenly skittered up both of his sides, and in an instant Zuko burst out into a fit of cackles. There was no way he could hold it back; it tickled way too much. Aang’s touch was like air as he danced his fingertips over his exposed skin. The feeling brought forth the most musical giggles, an unexpected treat from someone who was usually so stoic. Zuko slammed his arms down and curled into a ball, but that didn’t deter the avatar from his attack.

“Aheeheeheehee! No, no, nonononono-OOOOO! Dohohon’t!”

Aang laughed merrily along with him, as if he were having the time of his life. Which he probably was. He always took the opportunity to make Zuko laugh or smile whenever he had the chance, and now was no exception.

“No way! I never knew you were ticklish! Haha!”

“AHAHAHAHAHAHAHANG!”

The airbender pulled away momentarily to let the fire prince breathe, but his mercy didn’t last long

“So, your sides are ticklish… what about your armpits?”

He jammed his hands in between his clamped down arms and wiggled around as much as he could, with Zuko attempting to squirm away and all. In truth, he was trying really hard not to struggle too much in fear of accidentally hurting his friend. A painful memory of Toph’s burned feet etched in his head as he made sure to keep his hands away from Aang and free of their usual fire. Instead, he just kept laughing until it felt like he was going to choke.

“No… not there! Pleheeheeheease!!”

“Okay, so your sides and armpits are pretty bad. What about your stomach?”

Zuko felt the wiggling hands leave his body for a second, then once again sensed them scurrying across his skin, this time exploring his belly. Soft, muted giggles escaped his lips, but it wasn’t nearly as bad as before. Still, his skin twitched wherever Aang made contact.

“Ahahaaa… noooo! Stahahap!”

“It’s not so bad here… but what about here?”

Aang gave no warning this time before he began pinching Zuko’s ribs, which spurred another round of maniacal cackling from the sullen firebender. He thrashed from side to side, kicking his legs frantically until Aang had to climb on top of him to avoid getting kicked. The airbender cracked up as he watched him descend even further into uncontrollable giggles.

“Wow, this must be a really bad spot for you!”

“Shahahahahaddup!! It’s not funny!”

“Heh, it’s kinda funny! Who woulda thought the big strong fire lord would be weak to a little tickling!”

Zuko found himself unable to respond as the tickling went on, his pleas turning into babbles thanks to Aang jumping around from spot to spot and teasing him into oblivion. Each time he’d explore a new area, he’d ask Zuko before honing in. And each time, Zuko wasn’t ready. He’d let out a high pitched shriek before succumbing to more upbeat giggles, uncharacteristic for someone of his nature. 

He had no idea how long things went on, but when Aang threatened to tickle his feet, he suddenly grabbed both of his arms and held firm.

“Please… no more…”

He spat out his last pleas in between haggard breaths, and that signaled to Aang that enough was enough. The avatar pulled away, allowing him some respite after the tickly torment he’d just put him through. When Zuko opened his eyes, he saw the avatar staring at him with a warm, sunny smile. It made his cheeks flush with embarrassment.

“Zuko… I wish you’d laugh more. You have a really nice smile.”

“Wh… huh? Why would you…”

Now it was Aang’s turn to act shy. He let out a sheepish chuckle, backtracking a bit before explaining himself.

“Ah, sorry. I guess that’s kinda sappy. But, I dunno, you seem so sad a lot of the time. Sometimes I wish I could just come up to ya and do this!”

He scribbled across his stomach again, making Zuko squeal again, but stopped before it got to be too much. When his laughter died down again, he mumbled something so softly that Aang almost didn’t catch it.

“Well… maybe…”

“Maybe what?”

“Hnh, nevermind.”

Aang opened his mouth to protest, but clamped it shut almost immediately. Zuko wondered what he was going to say, but decided to let it be for now. After all, he was pretty spent after the surprise tickle attack he’d just endured.

“Uh, can we go back to sleep now?”

“Oh, yeah! Sorry, heh.”

Aang slid off and made himself comfortable on the other side of the bed, giving Zuko some space just in case he wanted to be alone. Zuko blew out the candle and laid down as well, and for a few seconds the room was silent. However, as Aang’s eyelids began to droop, he heard a timid voice speak up through the darkness.

“... Um… Aang?”

“Yeeeees?”

“Can you… can we… uhm…”

Aang chuckled under his breath, quietly enough that his bedside companion couldn’t hear. Without another word, he hugged his arms around Zuko and pulled him in close until they both were in a comfortable position. He pressed his forehead against his back and felt the firebender relax for the first time all night.

“Goodnight, Zuko.”

“Goodnight, Aang.”

Aang couldn’t see it, but that night Zuko fell asleep with a small smile. Neither woke until the bright light of late morning greeted them through the window.

[sunsetelo]

I'm Scared

Word count: 1466

Summary:

10K misses being a kid. That is all. Enjoy the angsty fic with family dynamics.

⚠️TW// mentions of suicidal thoughts and brief descriptions of blood⚠️

10k hated feeling weak. When you're the youngest out of the group, it's hard to act strong. They expect so much from you because they expect that you act like an adult when you're still traumatized by the world around you that stole your youth at a young age. Ten Thousand was scared even though he looked calm on the outside. No one knew that battles he fought constantly with himself. Not even Doc. 

Warren and the others had found an abandoned cabin to stay for the night and Murphy had just thrown another "temper tantrum".

"Come on Warren," Murphy sighed. "This place looks very questionable. Can't we stay at a four seasons or something!"

"Just be thankful that we don't leave you tied up to a sign naked." Doc replied with a smirk. 

Normally 10k would give a soft chuckle or a slight grin but lately he hasn't felt 100%. He was only seventeen, just a kid and he needed a break. His feet were numb, his face was pale (well more pale than usual), and his dark circles seemed to be more prominent under his eyes. He felt selfish for wanting to take a break because he figured everyone was just as tired and miserable as he was. 

For once he was thankful for Murphy's bickering. It landed them at a pretty ratchet but decent place to stay and oh God, he needed a nap. 

"Okay everyone pair up and scope the place for any puppies and kittens," Warren directed, "10k, Doc, you head upstairs, Addy, Murphy, and I will take the 1st floor." 

10k followed her orders and headed up the rickety wooden staircase. The journey was silent as the pair searched the area. Doc headed into the right side of the floor while 10k entered the other side. He quickly opened a door that revealed a child's room. The place was trashed but some things remained on the wall: a picture frame of a family. A little kid, a boy around ten was hugging his father. 

10K missed his dad. He missed a lot of things. The hunting trips, the boat rides to the middle of the lake, him showing his dad a picture that he drew and his mom hanging it on the fridge. God, he missed her. Her raven hair always smelled like vanilla and lavender. Her smile was brighter than any star in the damn solar system. Her voice was soft like a cloud and sweet like honey. Her hugs warmer than any blanket. He missed her homemade pancakes and waffles. He'd give anything just to be with them again. 

10k was too lost in his head that he didn't hear the voices shouting his name. 

"-10K! HEY KID!"

His head shot to the door where the banging was coming from. That was odd. He didn't remember closing the door. He went to open the door but the knob was jammed. 

"Hey! I'm fine, Doc!" 10K shouted through the door, "the door is jammed! I'm going through the window!"

"What? No!" The older man yelled in protest but it was too late. 10k was already halfway through the window. 

10k scaled down the house very slowly. The wood was rotting and if he wasn't too careful then he would fall and breaking a bone would not be fun. There were wood chunks poking out of the walls. He used them as a ladder to get down. He was five feet from the ground when he thought he was gonna make it but a glass shard pierced his hand, causing him to wince and break whatever leverage he had onto the side of the cabin. He fell into some dead bushes and curled up into a ball. 

All he could feel was the burning pain in his hand and his racing heart. Tears wielded up in his eyes and that's when he officially broke. His breaking point was getting a small shard of glass in his hand and falling barely 5 feet into a pile of twigs and dead leaves. Weak. Was all he could think. He just wanted his mom. He just wanted to be held and be told that it was gonna be okay but it's not. He was scared, broken, and weak! 

He didn't even feel the hands on his shoulders until they tried to break him from the fetal position that he was sitting in. He assumed they were Z's and for once he was willing for them to take him...

"10K, what happened?" Warren's voice calmly asked the sobbing teen.

"I- I fell and got g- glass in my hand!" He cried while still trying to pull away from everyone. 

Addy and Warren were in shock. They rarely see him cry, especially over something so "minor". He has been through worse so why so upset over this? 

"Hey, 10k, "Addy cooed, "can you please sit up and let us look over your injuries?"

10k didn't want to. Not because he was scared of getting the glass removed but he just didn't want to get better. Maybe an infection would be an easier way to go out. Maybe if they left them there he could finally sleep and maybe some hungry zombies would find him and feast on him in his permanent sleep. 

"I- I can't do it anymore," he croaked out. 

Doc and Murphy soon came running out. Doc was getting worried due to them taking so long and Murphy was getting impatient and hungry. 

"What is taking the kid so damn long?" The blue man snapped. "Tell him to walk it off so we can eat already." 

Addy and Warren both snapped their heads at the blue asshole who seemed to grow concerned after seeing the teen rolled up into a tight ball on the ground with blood dripping from his hand. He quickly scooped up the kid and brought him to the cabin and set him on one of the more decent couches. 

"I did that because I'm hungry, not because I care about you." 

10k eyes were clouded with too many tears to even give a shit. The warmth felt nice anyways. 

The other rushed in while Doc fetched the first aid kit. He quickly was at the kids side with a cloth, tweezers, alcohol, and a bandage wrap. Addy is stroking his raven hair while Warren is wiping the tears from his pale face. Doc silently works on the boy's hand and pulls that glass out flawlessly. 10k doesn't even flinch. 

10k was out cold. Warren draped a blanket over the sleeping teen while Doc and Murphy got started on dinner. 

While he slept, everyone had a conversation about 10K. They have never seen him this vulnerable and small. It hurt them. 

"God, I forgot just how young they are."

An hour after eating Doc forced himself to wake up the kid. He looked so peaceful and relaxed but the last time any of them ate was yesterday morning. 

"Hey Kiddo," Doc said, "I brought you some stew." 

10k buries his head into the blanket as Doc shakes his shoulders. 

"Come on, you need to eat." He sighs. 

"M' not hungry." 

"Bull shit," Addy calls from the other side of the room.

Warren and Doc huddle around the teen. "Listen Baby Boy, I know what happened to you up there. I went into the room and saw the pictures and they made me feel sick to my stomach too. I get it. You're just a kid and you shouldn't be going through any of this and we often forget that. You are the strongest, most brave kid I ever met." 

10k thought that falling was his breaking point but no, this was. He began crying as sobs left his mouth. Warren cradled her kid. 10k was her kid. She always seen him as a son. Doc viewed him the same way but 10K just couldn't see it. He couldn't see the found family that he made right here. 

"I'm scared." 

"I know."

10K wrapped around Warren like a koala bear and put his face into the crook of her neck. He would often lay like this when he was younger with his mom. He was seventeen now and the familiar position brought comfort to the teen. He became drowsy once again and before sleep overcame him he whispered one last thing.

"Love you, mom."

Warren stroked his hair and kissed his forehead. "Love you too, Baby Boy."

Not my best work but it was an old drabble that I needed to finish that accidentally turned into a vent fic. Also not really edited because it's late. Oops-

[mr--clown]

Two heads are better than one

Request: “Can you write Arthur with chronic migraines?”

God, @disabledwarriorwriter​ thank you very much for your patience!! I hope you enjoy this as much as I enjoyed writing it. The song is “Ha! Ha! Said the clown” by Manfred Mann; but I had in mind the tune of “Send in the clowns” sksksks Idkw This is pure fluff (and slight angst at the beggining), so I hope I have fulfilled your request the right way, otherwise let me know and I will gladly modify it.

Also, sorry my English is more basic than H2O, I’m still learning. Here you go!

Word count: 1450

Arthur hates to worry you, he always tries to act like everything’s okay and whenever he has a migraine episode, he runs to the bathroom as soon as possible. But sometimes it is impossible for you not to notice…

“This whole thing is ridiculous, Arthur, it’s pathetic. What were you thinking, for God’s sake!?!?”

Arthur remained silent, his headache had been killing him since the morning and Hoyt’s screams made everything worse, even making him want to throw up.

Today, his migraine episodes were stronger than usual, the pain had been so sharp that he couldn’t help but have a fit in the middle of a children’s party, causing all the kids to panic and start crying as well. The result? Angry, creeped out parents yelling at him. Oh, and Hoyt speaking to him as if he was retarded:

“Do you even understand what the fuck I’m saying? I swear I’m wasting my time with your dented brain. Look, I’ll make it simple: I DON’T WANT to put up with this kinda bullshit again, got it?”

Screams and more screams, Arthur grimaced feeling he couldn’t ignore the pain.

“What? Are you going to cry? Pfft, not in my office, get outta here, I don’t have anything else for you.”

But Arthur didn’t move a muscle to leave, he stood there with his head down, stroking his arm to comfort himself.

“What ya waiting for, asshole!?!?”

“My paycheck…” He mumbled as he felt a sudden turn in the stomach, fearing for the answer.

Hoyt just laughed and leaned back in his chair: “You kiddin’, right?”

Art smiled uneasy, stroking his arm non-stop, trying to imagine it was your hand soothing him: “No, it’s just I thought that… uhh… since I worked… since I worked really hard during the week, I thought that…”

“Arthur, Arthur…shut the fuck up, k? You should be thankful I didn’t fire you; now get the hell outta here before I do it, freak.”

“Freak” Ugh, he hated when Hoyt used that word, it made his head rumble with helplessness. And the bouncing of the bus only made it worse.

When he finally came home, he hesitated an eternity in front of the door: “How are you going to explain that Hoyt didn’t pay you? She will find out you’re a loser.” Ugh, if his head didn’t hurt so much, he might think of some not-so-self-humiliating way of telling you.

…

As soon as you heard the door opening, you ran to meet him:

“Arthur!! You’re home early today!!”

“Y/N, I want…I have to-to tell you something important.”

You frowned, a little concerned about the earnestness you noticed in his words.

“Uhmmm, okay…? I hear you, hun. What do you have to tell m–”

“I need to go to the bathroom.”

You chuckled a bit at his “confession” and the weird way he said it.

“You know you can go, love. In the meantime, I’ll serve dinner so try not to take too much time there, okay?”

Arthur nodded his face full of concern and walked towards the bathroom, but the throbbing pain that had been increasing since the morning, reached its limit and made him feel so dizzy that he lost his balance and faded on the floor, legs trembling, holding himself vaguely on the center table.

“ARTHUR!! ARE YOU OKAY?!?”

At your screams, Arthur immediately grabbed his head, feeling his brain bounce off his skull. That’s when you realized what was going on:

“Arthur, please tell me that you DID take the pills for your migraines.” You scolded as you helped him get up and guided him to bed.

Artie started to chuckle while you were taking off his shoes, which made you feel like maybe you were pushing him too hard.

“SoHA.. soHA..soHAHAHArry..HAHAHA..” He couldn’t hold back his thunderous laughter, which just made his head hurt more.

“HOYHAHA..HOYT..HAHACHHG” He was choking on trying to explain, so he brought both hands to his throat, looking desperate.

“Artie, it’s okay love, you have to calm down, don’t talk, breathe with m..”

“MY PAHAY… HE DIHAHAHA…HE DIDN’T..” Despite how unintelligible his sounds were, you understood what your Arthur meant, so you tried to put him to bed and ran for his pill.

When you returned he was curled up in a fetal position, his attack had not stopped, but he drowned it covering his head in the pillows, full of shame.

You approached him and noticed that he was burying his nails in the pillows, you couldn’t even imagine the intensity of the headache he was having.

“Love, take your pill, it will make you feel better.” You insisted, stroking his back softly.

He swallowed it and turned to see you, with fear in each of his gestures:

“I won’t make it through the night, Y/N.” He confessed, sobbing and wiping his tears with his sleeves.

“Art, don’t say that, silly, you’ll be fine…” But you doubted your words a bit, seeing your Arthur like this was killing you too.

…

So, you laid down next to him and hugged his head burning with fever, giving him a thousand kisses that allowed you to smell the fresh and peculiar scent of his mane.

You started to gently brush his hair back with your fingers, while he dipped his head into your stomach as if the heat of your body gave him some kind of relief.

You entwined your fingers between his soft brown locks and brought your lips close to his ear as much as you could to whisper to him in a peaceful tone:

♬♫♬ “Feeling low…” ♬♫♬ Then, you caressed his ear with your fingertips, still feeling him sob against your abdomen.

♬♫♬ “Gotta go, see a show in town..” ♬♫♬ You rub his silk lobe with your thumb and continue, smiling slightly:

♬♫♬ “Hear the jokes, have a smoke, and a laugh at the clown” ♬♫♬

♬♪ “In… a…. whirl..” ♬ He utters in a shaky voice, sniffing, you can feel his warm breath against your navel, even when you have your blouse on.

♬♫ “See a girl with a smile in her eyes, never thought I’d be brought right down” ♬♪

♬♪♭♩ “By her lies” ♬♪♭♩ You sing in chorus and it’s almost as if you can hear him smile, which makes you smile too.

You pause, here comes Arthur’s favorite part:

♬♫♬ “Grab the coat” ♬♫♬ And you slide your hand with some panache through his jacket

♬♫♬ “Grab my hat” ♬♫♬ And you give two gentle taps on his head with your index finger, making him giggle a little bit.

♬♫♬ “Look that girl in the eye” ♬♫♬ You command him and raise his face with your hand under his chin.

He smiles at you and continues excited the song, out of tune with how torn his voice is:

♬♯♬ “Where’s your home, what’s your phone number, *ahem* sorry..” He realized how awful he sounded, so he took refuge in your belly again.

♬♫♬ “Stop fooling ‘round, could have died, she replied..” ♬♫♬

You hug his head again to calm him down and plant a long kiss on his warm scalp, now comes the end and your favorite phrase, so your tone softens even more:

♬♪ “…I’m the wife of the clo–” ♬♪

♬♪ “Carnivaaal..” ♬♪ He whispered with his eyes closed, helping you finish the song according to him, hidden in your arms.

He raised his face only to look you in the eye: his messy hair made him look more tender than usual, his face looked tired but his eyes had a special shine, it was as if they were smiling at you.

“You know, Y/N”

He murmured and paused, admitting it was difficult because despite all the love you showed him, there was always that latent fear in his mind that you would realize how pathetic he is and then leave, like his father, like everybody…

“One day I’ll make you my wife”

He finally sentenced, smiling at you proudly, and immediately afterward buried his face in your stomach, feeling shy and vulnerable.

“Like the clown of the song”

He yawned with full happiness, hugging your legs as if they were his teddy bear and letting his eyes surrender to the tiredness that invaded every part of his fragile, worn-out body.

A tear ran down your cheek, Arthur always found a way to make you fall deeper in love with him, every day. And you, you would sing until he understood that you’re there for him, that his problems are also yours, that he doesn’t have to live his grief in solitude anymore, that you two could overcome everything together, because two heads are better than one.

[writing-and-teatime]

Ghosts

Just a angsty little fluff short I wrote before I do any real writing over my Christmas break. Please enjoy!

Summary: Nico has a panic attack, one that’s worse than normal. Angsty but also fluffy.

Triggers: Homophobic slur use (once), panic attack, kissing

Words: 1146

——————

Nico was sitting in fetal position on the floor of the Hades cabin, next to his bunk. He was struggling to breathe. He was crying. His muscles were stiff. He was having a panic attack.

You’re a murderer.

The voices echoed like always. Memories that haunted the camp, like the Lares at Camp Jupiter only evil. No other campers could see them, which was good. They held grudges. Voices he recognized spoke alongside those he didn’t. People he couldn’t save. People he didn’t know. People that knew him.

You’re a traitor.

Silena Beauregard.

Charles Beckendorf.

Zoe Nightshade.

You brought us death.

Some spirits were just in his memories, in his mind. Calling out to him.

Couldn’t help us.

His mother.

Bianca.

You’re a failure.

Nico tried to steady his breathing. He wiped his eyes. He couldn’t waste any more of the day, someone would come looking for him soon.

No one will come looking.

Octavian.

Everyone hates you.

Nico tried to stand. He tried to push the thoughts from his mind but he just couldn’t. They were too strong.

You’re broken.

Jason.

You’re a f*ggot.

Nico fell back to the floor. He couldn’t bear the thought of his best friend, his brother, with a spear in his chest. He couldn’t deal with his death. The tears he had tried so hard to wipe away were falling again. Plopping disappointingly against the leather of his jacket.

You’re faulty.

He pulled his knees close to his chest and buried his face in them. Shadows and figures danced just outside his vision. He heard the laughter of a few campers as they walked past the cabin. He tried to call out, to ask for help. He couldn’t breathe.

You’re alone.

His head throbbed and his heart was beating in his ears and he couldn’t hear and everything was so loud and why did it have to be so loud and he was light headed and he couldn’t breathe and he just couldn’t-

“Nico?” A voice said. It echoed in his ears and he could barely hear it.

No one cares.

The voice called for help. Called for a doctor. No. Will couldn’t see him like this.

He’ll abandon you.

The voice got louder and Nico flinched because it hurt his head, somehow. Hands were on his arms now, touching him. His throat constricted even more and he threw out his arms to push them away.

“Nico?” The voice was louder this time. It echoed in his skull and kept getting louder. He couldn’t tell if it was still saying his name or if it was just him. Other voices. Loud. Too loud. Too much. Overwhelming. He was crying. Pain. Pain. Pain. He was suffocating. He couldn’t breathe. He needed to breathe. He needed to-

“I’m sorry.” A new voice said. Will’s voice. Nico felt a pinprick of pain in his arm. What had happened? Strong arms pulled Nico into a hug and he fought against the affection. He opened his eyes to see, through blurry tear obstructed vision, a concerned and grim looking Will and another worried form leaning over his shoulder. He couldn’t quite tell who it was through the tears and his darkening vision. Why was his vision getting darker? What was happening?

Nico passed out.

——————

Will looked down sadly at the boy in his arms. He looked so much more peaceful than he had seconds before, he was breathing now too. He picked up Nico’s small form bridal style and turned to Annabeth.

“You and Percy keep people away. Don’t tell them what happened.” Annabeth nodded and left the cabin first, slipping past her boyfriend who was guarding the door frame.

“Speaking of,” Percy cleared his throat, “what happened?” Will adjusted Nico in his arms with a sigh.

“I’ll tell you when we get to the Big House.” He murmured, following Annabeth out the door, Percy following him.

——————

Light slipped into his vision and Nico groaned. His face scrunched up as he tried to see where he was. He felt a hand on his arm, a cast iron grip. He turned in bed, expecting to see his boyfriend, but instead found Annabeth in a chair next to him. Percy was leaning against her on the floor. Nico tried to pull his arm from her grip but she only squeezed tighter, her eyes shot open.

“Nico!” She cried. She threw herself at him and hugged him. She then gasped, kicked her boyfriend in the leg, and then ran out of the room. Percy groaned and opened his eyes, he looked up at Nico.

“Hey, you’re awake.” He mumbled. He then rubbed his eyes and looked at Nico again, gauging his confusion. “I’ll let Will explain everything. I don’t do medical stuff.” The two sat in silence for a bit. Percy got up and sat in the chair instead, both waiting for their partner. After a while footsteps were coming this way and Nico braced himself for one of Will’s intense scoldings and a big hug. When the door burst open Will literally lunged at the bed. Nico tensed and Will hit him with a football tackle, pinning him to the bed and pulling him close.

“Nico, you’re okay. I was so worried.” Will said, pulling back. He cupped Nico’s face and looked into his eyes. “How are you feeling?”

“Fine, Will.” Nico croaked. “What happened?” Will looked concerned as he began checking Nico’s vitals.

“How much do you remember?” He asked as he checked Nico’s pulse.

“I remember having a panic attack and then you holding me and then passing out. Now what happened?” Will bit his lip and looked away guiltily.

“Well.” He began. He shifted his gaze to Annabeth, once again avoiding Nico. “Well, Annabeth went into the cabin to talk to you and you were on the floor. She realized it was a panic attack and tried to talk to you, but you couldn’t hear her so she called for a medic. I came and tried to calm you down but you couldn’t hear me and you weren’t breathing so I did the best I could and…”

“And?” Nico asked. Will finally looked at him.

“And so I used a sedative to knock you out so your body could recuperate naturally and you would start breathing again.” Will looked like he was searching for something in Nico’s face as he spoke. Anger? Sadness? Something that Nico clearly wasn’t feeling.

“Thank you.” Nico said. Will’s face slackened with surprise.

“What?”

“Thanks for saving me.” Nico repeated. He reached up and brushed some hair out of Will’s face before kissing him. Will leaned in and the two had a moment before he pulled back again.

“Don’t ever do that again. Got it?” Will scolded. Nico laughed and leaned back onto the bed. This was going to take a while, but it was worth it because it meant that he was safe and everything was okay and that the ghosts couldn’t get him here. 

[gaycrouton]

could you maybe write something where scully actually believes mulder is dead in gethsemane???? extra points for crying

Hello!! Thank you so much for this prompt! I don’t get sent a ton of angst, but tbh it’s one of my top favorite genres to read and write. I hope I did it justice! Also, I will not lie, I think I subconciously remember an older fic with this type of premise, but I think they end up fucking. It was amazing and great and I tried to find it so I wasn’t subconciously regurgitating it, but alas, I cannot find it.

Also, tw for implied suicide (but he’s fine)

————————————-

“He said that the men behind this hoax, behind these lies, gave me this disease to make you believe.”

It was probably the worst thing she could have said to him. If she’d learned anything in this journey with him, it was that the truth he was always searching for always managed to appear where they least expected. That, and the truth was always far more cruel than anything they could have anticipated.

When he stormed out of the lab, every instinct in her body told her to follow him; the part of her still recovering from this shocking news crudely reminding her that following him was exactly what put a tumor in her head. She’d never known each step she took behind him was just a glorified death march. 

She squeezed her eyes shut and wiped her hand tiredly across her face. She didn’t believe that, not even for one moment. But she knew Mulder did. Scully didn’t have a single doubt that Mulder had always been chastising himself every moment of their partnership. That hurt more than anything the men in power had done to her. If Mulder regretted the work they’d done together, then this all would have been for nothing. 

She sighed and made her way to her own car. Part of her considered trying to follow him, he was probably going down his usual path of self-doubt and angst, but ultimately she decided to take the long way home so she could calm herself down.

An hour and a half later, she arrived to her apartment with a plan to call Mulder in the morning. “Scully,” she sighed tiredly into her phone, using her free hand to fumble for her keys.

“Is this Miss Dana Scully?” an unfamiliar female voice said over the line.

Scully’d had enough of cryptic messages from anonymous sources and, probably a little too curtly, stated, “Yes. Who is this?”

“This is Danielle Morten, I’m the building manager for your friend Fox Mulder,” she wearily replied, sounding stressed.

She had no idea where this was going and she felt her brow furrow as she stopped fiddling with the door after unlocking it. “Is everything all right?” she asked.

“Um, no, I’m afraid not,” she rushed, setting fear in the pit of Scully’s stomach. “I-I’m so sorry to tell you this, you were just his emergency contact-”

“He said that the men behind this hoax, behind these lies, gave me this disease to make you believe.”

An overwhelming sense of dread filled her entire body. What did he do? “What’s wrong?” Scully demanded.

“His neighbor called and said she heard a gunshot-” Scully felt a ringing sound in her ears as her legs grew weak. “-when I went to check, no one answered the door, so I had to use my key-” I should have fucking followed him. “I’m so sorry.” Scully felt ice creep into her veins and nothing made sense. 

She pushed open the door and all but fell inside. “W-was he there?” she asked not caring that her keys fell out of her shaking hand as she pushed the door shut with her weight. Had the woman already said? Maybe it was an accident and he shot the floor? Why was she saying sorry?

“ I called an ambulance, but it was too late,” the woman choked, clearly distressed.

Scully heard her bag fall to the floor and the door slam shut more than she recognized doing it. “A-are you positive it was him?” she asked, her voice quivering despite her best attempts to reign it in. She didn’t want to seem irrational when everything this woman told her was surely some sort of misunderstanding. Maybe there’d been a fight at his place. Maybe the woman was just confused.

But their lives had been so stressful the past few months. With every new development escalating to him walking out of that warehouse, he’d seemed so defeated and lost.

“I knew something was wrong when I saw him in the hallway, he looked like he’d been crying and I could tell he was off,” she explained.

Mulder’d been crying. Because of what she told him.

Finding her voice, Scully repeated, “Off?”

“I told him he might need to leave next week because of fumigation and he said it didn’t matter. I-I just thought he was tired. I didn’t understand what he meant,” the woman rambled, trying to put it all together in her mind.

It didn’t matter? Why would he say that? Surely he couldn’t have been implying-

“Are you certain it’s Mulder,” she reiterated, hoping for some clue that would lead to this all being a big misunderstanding. She was trying to ignore all the warning signs she’d been blind to. This had been affecting him so much and she’d just blamed it on his obsession.

“The body looked like him,” the woman said, sniffling a little bit. 

Her legs were shaking too badly for her to support herself and she ended up sliding down the frame onto her knees facing the door. “The body?” she breathlessly repeated.

Hanging? Bleeding? In the bathtub? On the floor?

“T-there was no-that’s all there was,” she woman sobbed. 

Scully felt her blood run cold at the implication. Not that, god, please not that. She thought back to that face, the same one she’d spent hours sitting across, the face of the man she admired and trusted.

Trusted to be by her side no matter what.

“Can you call me to tell me where they take him?” Scully whispered, not trusting herself to speak at full volume without breaking.

She thinks she heard the woman say yes, but the phone clattered out of her hands and deafeningly hit the floor at the same time as she gasped for breath.

He killed himself?

She didn’t believe it, but then again, this was a man who’d just learned his most sacred mission was being used against him to make him look like a fool. The one friend he had was dying and he blamed himself.

She knew how he felt.

She should have followed him. She felt hot tears streak down her face as she looked absently at where the door met the floor. She knew how he got about things like this…but she never would have thought…

In a sudden bolt of panic, she went to stand up to go to him, but her legs were shaky and she ended up crashing back onto the hardwood floor with her tailbone, a pain registered in the back of mind but she paid it no attention.

He wouldn’t just leave her like that.

“He said that the men behind this hoax, behind these lies, gave me this disease to make you believe.”

She felt another gasp rip through her lungs like she’d never taken a breath before and a choked sob came out on the exhale. Scully drew her knees to her face and wrapped her arms around her legs in an upright sitting fetal position. Another strangled cry left her mouth as her grief consumed her.

She’d been with him just over an hour ago. He’d been fine, he’d been healthy, and now he was dead. Wetness started to seep into the pant fabric on her knee where her face rested and she simultaneously felt her body start to tremble.

She should have followed him. She should have followed him. She should have followed him. She should havefollowedhim. Sheshouldhavefollowedhim. She-

She felt a hand clamp down on her shoulder and she let out a small scream that came out like a sob as she lurched away, only resulting in falling onto her hands and knees. She turned around so that she was on her butt and was face to face with… Mulder?

“Scully?” he questioned softly, his hands up in peace as he kneeled in front of her, a look of pure concern adorning his face.

She didn’t understand. It was too much information thrown at her at once and she didn’t know how to process any of the last five minutes, hell, any of the last day. “M-Mulder?” she said weakly, her voice trembling on every syllable. She felt like a kid right now. Her knees hurt from falling, her lip was quivering, and she felt tears well hot and mortifying in her eyes before spilling down her cheeks.

“Hey, hey,” he rushed soothingly, moving to sit down in front of her while reaching for her hands just to have some contact. “What happened? Did someone hurt you?” he asked, his eyes roaming every inch of her body for some indication of why she was sobbing in her entryway. 

“Y-your landlady called. She t-told me you were d-dead,” Scully explained, her teeth chattering as she shook. Somewhere in her brain she recognized she was experiencing symptoms of shock, but all she could focus on was the fact he was here with her.

“It’s a misunderstanding, and that’s actually why I’m here. There’s a dead man in my apartment right now,” he explained, rubbing his thumb over the backs of her hands in an attempt to help calm her down. “Scully, I’m fine.” 

She hadn’t even thought about why he was here, only relieved that he was. He must’ve been hiding somewhere in the apartment and came out when he heard her sobs.

“She told me you were dead,” she repeated in a sob, clutching his hand like he’d disappear again if she let him go.

In a sudden impulse to comfort herself, she launched herself forward onto her knees. It wasn’t a graceful move, so she ended up tipping forward, but Mulder caught her with one hand on a bicep and the other on her opposite forearm. “Woah, Scully-” he started, only to be interrupted by her grabbing his arms with a vice grip.

She felt the warmth from under the cotton of his shirt as she touched him and her eyes focused on the spots her hands roamed. She went from his arms to his chest to his neck to his face, committing the feel of him to memory. She saw he was staring at her with a look of curiosity and she lowered her hands to his shoulders. “I thought you killed yourself,” she rushed on an exhale before choking out a sob and bowing her head in front of him.

Scully thinks he might have said something but she threw herself into his arms, wrapping her own tightly around his neck as she sobbed against him. “I’m sorry.”

She felt his arms wrap around her back, underneath her coat, pulling her closer to him as he rubbed soothing circles onto her shirt. “Shh, you have nothing to be sorry for.”

She pulled back slightly, so that they were still in each other’s arms, but face to face. “Yes, I do. I-I shouldn’t have been so hard on you today. I don’t blame you for any-thing, I hope you know that. I don’t regret my ti-me with you even for a moment, and I don’t want yo-u to think I do,” she rushed, choking on her words from her speed.

Mulder brought up a hand to the side of her head, brushing her hair back as he stroked her scalp. “Breath, Scully. You’re working yourself up,” he said, not commenting on her confession.

She sniffled and breathed for a moment before whispering in a quivering voice, “I thought you killed yourself because you blamed yourself for what happened to me.”

There was a guilt in his eye that let her know that, despite him being in front of her right now, her thinking wasn’t wrong. “It’s not your fault, Mulder. They do what they do because they are evil. You’ve been fighting them since the beginning, it’s not your fault,” she repeated, moving her hands to cup his face, idly feeling his five o’clock shadow. 

Mulder raised himself up to his full height, while still being on his knees, and placed a kiss to her forehead, then to one cheek, and then the other, before leaning back to look her in the eye. She felt that her face was still red from crying, but she was finally calming down. 

“I’m sorry,” she murmured, easing away and standing up, wiping the tear tracks from her face and trying to fix her makeup with the pads of her fingers.

“Don’t be, I’m sorry you had to go through that,” Mulder replied with a slight tone of disbelief in his voice, like he didn’t expect she’d have this reaction to that news.

She let out a humorless chuckle and sniffled again, taking off her coat and hanging it up to give herself something to do. “Well, think about me next time you think of doing something reckless or insane.”

She turned and caught him standing in front of her, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand. A favorite nervous tendency of his. “Well I have a feeling you’re not going to like what I’m about to tell you then.”

She invited him to her dining room as he explained what he’d gone through since they parted ways and what he thought they needed to do. It was reckless. It was insane. But she’d do anything she could if it meant keeping him safe.

[dailyaudiobible]

05/06/2020 DAB Transcript

Ruth 2:1-4:22, John 4:43-54, Psalms 105:16-36, Proverbs 14:26-27

Today is the 6th day of May welcome to the Daily Audio Bible I’m Brian it is wonderful to be here with you today as we move to the center of another of our weeks together. So, yesterday we began the book of Ruth, even as we ended the book of Judges and we talked about it being a breath of fresh air and…and it is. It's a beautiful story of character. Today we will conclude…it’s a short story…so we’ll conclude the book of Ruth today. So, we’re reading from the New Living Translation this week. Ruth chapters 2, 3, and 4.

Prayer:

Father, we thank You for Your word and we thank for this story, the book of Ruth that we have been able to enjoy over the last couple of days. We thank You for story of character and loyalty and uprightness because it's severely contrasted with what we've worked our way through in the book of Judges. And, so, we…we have this picture of what it looks like for everybody to go do what they want and over centuries what that does to people individually and collectively. And we have this picture here of uprightness, of goodness, of loyalty, of humility, of mercy, of not taking advantage. We thank You for this contrast between Judges and Ruth. We also thank You for showing us and beginning to set up the story that will lead us to King David who we will meet before too long. Thank You Father for ministering to us through Your word each and every day, giving us things to apply into our lives and hearts and to think about and to change and to repent of and to find comfort in. Like, You are constantly present and we thank You for leading us and directing us through Your word and we invite Your Holy Spirit to keep bringing up things into our hearts, into our minds, that we need to ponder, that You are leading us into as we move through this day. Come Holy Spirit we pray. In the name of Jesus, we ask. Amen.

Announcements:

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If you want to partner with the Daily Audio Bible, I cannot thank you enough. I thank you with all of my heart. This is how the Global Campfire exists. That is…this is how we are here. Thank you for your partnership. So, there’s a link on the homepage at dailyaudiobible.com. If you’re using the app you can press the Give button in the upper right-hand corner or the mailing address, if you prefer, is PO Box 1996 Spring Hill Tennessee 37174.

And, as always, if you have a prayer request or encouragement you can dial 877-942-4253 or just hit that Hotline button in the app, the little red button at the top and you can share from there.

And that's it for today. I'm Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

Hey, DABbers this is Mike In Awe in Kansas City Missouri I wanted to call in and pray against anxiety and confusion in relation to this virus. I think a lot of us have been going through it. I had a lot of anxiety at the beginning of this and I’ve really had to press into the Scriptures and pray and started ignoring all news related to it but I’m still doing my part like hand sanitizing and wearing a mask when I go to the store. Anyway, Lord, please bless the mental health of Your people Lord. Help us to increase, enjoy, in n wisdom, imagination, kindness, love, peace, purity, and patience Lord. Bless us with these things. Help us to see the truth that You are in control Lord, that You are all-powerful during this time, nothing has caught You off guard. Nothing is stronger than You Lord. Nothing can happen to us. You know us individually Lord. The Scripture say that You’ve counted the hairs on our head, and nothing will befall us, nothing will happen to us outside of Your approval. And help us to lean in on that Lord. Help Your Psalms 91 promises Lord that You will keep the us under the pinions of Your wings, metaphorically. Help us keep that in our heart Lord. Help that to resonate with us and become who we are Lord that we know that You’re our shield like David said, You’re our glory, the lifter of our head Lord. Bless us with joy abundantly during this time that we can see the trickery of the enemy and that we can rise above it in joy, that we can share Your life with others. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

Hey there DAB family this is Catherine the South African from Houston calling. I’m a little behind on my DAB listening and I had listened to April 18th today and I heard Val from Vegas. And Val am so glad to hear you, are doing so well and that everything turned out so well for you. I am thrilled to hear the joy in your voice, and you gave me so much joy. So, God bless you and I hope that’s…you just continue to get stronger and stronger. And then there was a lady called Good News Cindy I think and she called and really made me smile just thinking of all the things that she’s enjoying about COVID if there’s…if one can even look at it in that light. But it made me think about what I’m grateful for and there is so much, there is so much to be grateful for. You touched about having time to be outdoors and take…to be…take notice of things that you’d otherwise miss when you’re at work. And we’ve been spending so much time outdoors just appreciating how beautiful the area we live in is, seeing spring slowly come and…well…quite quickly in Houston, take over. But the thing that I most value is that the fact that my husband’s home. He’s been furloughed. I’m working from home part time and we just have this amazing time together and it occurred to me, the next time we’re probably gonna be sitting around, “what do you feel like doing today love” is probably going to be when we’re both retired. And, so, I encourage married copies to just love each other and just enjoy this time together because goodness knows it’ll probably be a long time before we get something like this again. I love you all so much family and I just love this podcast. Thank you, Brian, thank you everyone involved and all you listeners. I love you and pray for you.

Alicia from Pennsylvania calling. I just heard some woman talking about her daughter and I just wanted pray for them. Lord, just give that mother the words to be able to talk with her daughter. Her daughter had said that she hadn’t slept in four days and I feel like I can relate to that and just the amount of mental strain that that brings. Crying on the floor in the fetal position for an hour, like just reminds me of my teenage years. And my mother was so…I know…I know that those times weighed so heavy on my mother’s heart and that she would have done anything to help me. And I just couldn’t hear her at the time. And I want to just tell you that there’s hope. I’m medicated now for bipolar and I have never felt better emotionally and I would say the only main difference between her and me is that I have seen God work in my life and I just pray that she does experience something in her life that shows You that You are real and that You’re here in that You are with her Lord. Lord I just pray that You lift them up, just let them be able to put in Your arms all the things that they can’t explain that have happened to them. Lord just help them to put it aside and to find the silver lining and to find the love that does exist. In Your name I pray. Amen.

Hi Daily Audio Bible family this is Cindy the flute player. I’m just going to be straight up and not stay on here very long. I lost my job. I have not been able to secure employment and today I found out that I have to leave my…my home. So, I don’t have any words, but I want you to know that I appreciate this group, this family and I’m praying for you out there. Been fasting and praying and so, what’s Your reason? There must be a really strong reason why He’s put me in such a trial like this. I don’t know what needs to be cultivated or eliminated or…I don’t know…I don’t know a lot but I know that He really is our only hope. So, anyway, talk to you later. Bye.

Good morning DAB fam this is Stephen from Alabama May the 1st and I just want to make everyone…and praise God for this ministry. And I hope everyone realizes the value of this ministry, the incredible immense value from the insight that we get from Brian to just this week Miss Brown singing Mr. Rogers. I wept as well when I heard that. And Miss Brown I’ve adopted you as my third grandmother. My…my grandmothers have both passed on to heaven. And, so, I’m adopting you and I don’t know that we will ever leave this side of heaven, but I can’t wait to hug your neck in heaven. I also want to reiterate what Nicole who called in who’s gone through the incredible tragedy in her life and difficulty. I too, in the nine years I have been listening to the Daily Audio Bible, I’ve gone through…I went through about four or five years of…of failures in business. Our personal income dropped about 80% from where it once was. A couple years ago I had a virus, very similar…very, very similar to this virus that’s going around now. Caused me to have pneumonia. Never been in a hospital a day of my life. Had pneumonia. Attacked my heart. Gave me heart failure. About a year ago this month I had a pacemaker defibrillator implanted. So, through that all I was…God gave me an incredible amount of peace simply because I showed up every day and pressed play. And that’s my encouragement to you. Jesus said this life is still gonna be difficult, but if you will just show up and push play, Jesus…and Brian has done all the hard work. Just push play and let God speak. God bless. Love you.

This is an encouragement for my sister who is dealing with husband that is abusive and selfish and trying to take away the child that he said he never wanted. And I understand. I went through that myself. All I can say is that God is able to do so much more than you can ever ask, think, or imagine. After my situation was over God had provided a way for me to be the sole provider of my child and also gave me an amazing husband that I love so much. And we would never have been able to have children. So, it’s an amazing thing. God works through our trials and our battles are His battles. So, put on your armor every day. Gird your loins, expect to fight, but then just submit fully to the hand of the Lord and trust Him because He will deliver you. He is your deliverer. He loves you and your daughter beyond measure. May God bless you and keep you. May God make His face to shine upon you and give you peace. May He cover you with His pinions. May He protect you. May He give you outrageous strength and eyes to see and ears to hear above all the noise that the enemy is throwing at you. And it’s in Jesus’ precious and holy name I pray for you and ask these things. I love you. Treasured Possession.

[welcome-my-sunflower-blog]

heliotropism (prologue 3.0)

☼ Pairing: Stray Kids x fem!Reader (possible 9 routes)

☼ Genre: angel au!, romance, mystery

☼ Warning: some violence, possible trigger warnings (?)

☼ Word Count: 6.1k

☼ PART ONE| PART TWO

☼ Summary:

You finally got into the angel academy to keep a promise you had to uphold no matter what - however with your dyed and uneven wings, tough demeanor, and broken soul, you find yourself in the lowest of color ranks and surrounded by angels that can’t seem to leave you alone. One day out of the blue, you find a letter with your name on it and discover that someone knows the reasons why the real color of your wings aren’t like everyone else’s. And in order to uncover the truths about yourself, you have to find the person writing the letters; even if it means discovering things that could risk your life.

☼ A/N: hi everyone! i am so sorry this part is so overdued! even though i said that this part was the last one, there is still another half of this part still not finished! we aren’t done just yet! as for the routes, i have an idea of who i’ll be starting our journey off with first! thank you everyone for your support and your wonderful comments and messages! as always all the pictures and gifs used in this story don’t belong to me and all of the credits go to their beloved owners! i hope you guys enjoy this part and please keep an eye out for the last final part of this prologue!

[iii;]

“Stay here, okay? I’ll be right back.” Minho gently placed me down on the edge of the fountain and made sure to cover the bottom half of my face with the blanket. “Don't go anywhere, got it?”

 “It’s not like I can.” You wanted to roll your eyes at his sarcasm, but you just nodded with your eyes glued on the hungry flames eating away at everything it touched; Minho gave you a slight chuckle before running off to the burning building. An explosion suddenly went off somewhere on the top floor and it made you flinch before feeling your chest become heavy with anxiety. Minho disappeared into the Silver dorm and you lost sight of him before seeing him help an injured angel out of the building a couple seconds later.

 There were injured angels around you trying to catch their breath and get enough fresh air before the smoke started to fill up the streets; some of them had minor injuries such as cuts, scrapes or bruises while others had burned off feathers or badly scorched wings. The fresh, bloody wounds made you remembered what had just happened to your own and there was a growing, unsettling feeling in the pit of your stomach. You couldn’t just sit there and do nothing; even though your body was past the point of keeping you on your two feet, your painfully dyed wings were nothing compared to the burn wounds on those angels’ wings.

 Biting down a wince of pain, you pulled the blanket off your body and soaked it into the water of the fountain before approaching a female angel who was on the ground crying in pain. The tips of her wings were burned off and there were horrible burns all over her arms. You gently wrapped the wet towel around her body and comforted her as she cried into your arms.

 “It’s okay…”

 Smoke started to fill the streets as the flames got bigger and stronger. There were angels trying to put it out with fire extinguishers and hoses connected to the nearest hydrant however it seemed like it was doing nothing to the fire. You noticed Seungmin helping a limping angel from one of the back doors when some of the building structure above him started to crumble.

 “Seungmin!” You screamed his name as the adrenaline in your body rose when you scrambled to get to your feet. He heard his name being called and that was when he saw the structure above him giving out. You wanted to run and you wanted to push him out of the way so badly, but it was like your legs had turned into mush because they didn't want to work when you wanted them to. You fell back onto the ground when you tried to stand up and you just watched in horror as Seungmin barely manage to dodge the falling structure. A small part of his already shortened wing caught on fire and you had to let out a sigh of relief when he put it out immediately; thankfully only a couple of feathers were burned.

 Suddenly, cracks of purple lightning filled the dark sky and loud roars of thunder shook the ground as rain clouds started to form above the dorm complex. You were immediately drenched as it started to pour down hard. The flames started to slowly die and so did the panic. Chan and Woojin had arrived shortly before the rain started and their lieutenants were either setting up healing stations or pulling out any more angels that were still in the building; to your horror amongst the handful of surviving angels, there were also those that unfortunately didn't make it.

 Before you could see the bodies, someone dropped a blanket over your head and the next thing you knew, you were being lifted up and carried somewhere while the rain started to calm down a bit.

 “Hey! What the-!”

 “Stop kicking! I’m taking you inside!” You immediately recognized Hyunjin’s voice and relaxed for maybe three seconds before tensing up again.

 “Wait, I was helping that girl back there!”

 “Jisung got to her, she’ll be fine. Lieutenant Minho told me to bring you inside before you actually pass out. He said you have a fever.” Hyunjin muttered under his breath as he stepped out of the rain into the crowded lobby before going up the stairs to your floor.

 “So?? I can take care of myself! A fever is nothing compared to what everyone else is going through. Not put me down-”

 “You can’t even stand!” He scolded you and opened the door to your room before setting you on the bed and taking off the blanket. Hyunjin finally took notice of your silver wings and they didn't seem right to him; the other colors suited you better than this. You huffed in annoyance, knowing that he was right and folded in your wings, feeling uncomfortable with him staring at them.

 “I’m guessing the door isn’t fixed.”

 “Seungmin has to order you another door knob. There weren’t any spares left in the inventory.” Hyunjin sighed. “I’m gonna head downstairs and see if anyone else needs help so take a bath and get dressed in some clean clothes. Unless… you need me to help you get into the bath-”

 “I’m fine! I can get into the tub myself…” You muttered, obviously not wanting him to help you anymore since it wasn’t needed and motioned for him to go. “Go help. I’ll be fine.”

 “If you need me to check up on you later-”

 “Oh my god, no. It’s okay.” You shook your head and Hyunjin hesitated before nodding and leaving the room. Trying to gathering your thoughts and breath a little, you sat on your bed for a couple minutes before pushing yourself off to get to the restroom. You used the door frame and wall to balance your body up as you dragged yourself to the tub where you immediately stripped away the dirty clothes.

 With the shower curtain pulled over, you turned on the shower and just sat in the tub as the cold water ran down your body. You folded your wings in and let the sound of the water lull you to sleep as you rested your head to the side against the tub. The tensions and exhaustion gradually left your aching body, leaving you in a peaceful sleep.

.

.

 The door to your room opened and something heavy was dropped onto the ground. A light brownish-blonde haired boy stepped into the minimally furnished room and closed the door behind him. While the fire and condition of the Silver dorm being dealt with by the Captains and Lieutenants, the angels who used to live in that dorm were now being assigned to share a room in the Red dorm for the night until things were settled down; there weren’t many angels in the Silver dorm so there were plenty of rooms for them to occupy. However, the only issue was that some Red dorm residents had issues with Silver dorm residents and rooming was slightly limited because some angels didn't want to share their room.

 The RA of the Silver dorm was last to get assigned to a room and there was only one room left that had a spare bed available - Seungmin was hesitant at first, but your room was the only option left. He wanted to share his room but because he was an RA, he only had one bed and there wasn’t spare to add another one in just for the night.

 “It’s shabby,” the light-brown haired angel sighed as he checked out the room. “-but what can I expect from the Red dorms?” He approached the closed wardrobe next to your bed and opened it to pull down the foldable bed; the bedspread and everything was put away neatly into the drawers so he took those out and started making the bed for the night.

 The sound of the shower continued to drag on as the angel unpacked some things from a bag that Seungmin gave him; it was filled with necessities that he might need for the night and even a spare set of clothes to sleep in. Maybe after thirty minutes of doing nothing but looking around and staring up at the ceiling, the RA of the Silver dorm decided to knock on the restroom door because you were taking too long.

 “Hey, are you done in there?” He asked and waited for a response but heard nothing; then he remembered that Seungmin told him what had happened to you and the condition you were in. “Are you okay?”

 No response.

 The light-brown haired angel panicked and thought you had passed out for real so he hesitantly opened the door and a whole bunch of steam just came rushing at him. He tried to waved them away from his arms and grabbed a towel from the rack.

 “Y/N?”

 When you didn't reply, he pulled the shower curtain back slightly to see you in a fetal-like position in the tub with your wings covering your naked body. He immediately turned off the shower and putting aside his uneasiness and discomfort he pulled you into his arms and wrapped the towel around your body with averted eyes.

 “Okay… Okay, Felix. You can do this.” The angel muttered to himself as he attempted to dry your body as best as he could without looking and lifted you out of the tub. Felix carried you to your bed and just pulled the covers over your body. He exhaled heavily as if he was holding his breath the entire time and glanced at your peaceful sleeping face; you looked okay from what he could tell. “Geez…”

 Felix grabbed another towel to dry your hair and put your discarded clothes into the laundry basket before taking a shower himself; most of the hot water was gone since the majority of the dorm was probably showering as well, but he didn't mind the cold water.

After he finished showering, Felix changed and decided to go check on the situation of the Silver dorm before heading to bed.

.

.

 When you woke up the next morning, you started to shiver because it was cold in your room for some reason. Your body felt relaxed but at the same time… it felt kind of airy in some places?

 Wait what?

 Your eyes widened and you looked under the covers to see your body completely exposed before sitting up with the blankets pressed against you. You remembered taking a really nice shower… and then falling asleep; but you had no recollections of waking up and going to bed nude. Before you could freak out verbally, you heard the sound of snoring coming from nearby; it sounded like it was coming from somewhere in your room.

 Turning your head, you froze to see a body occupied on the spare bed next to yours and confusion just hit you; who was this person and why were they sleeping in your room?? Were they also the person who carried you to bed… while you were still naked!?

 “Hey...Wake up…” You cleared your throat and leaned towards the other bed to tap the person while still keeping the covers still close to your chest. “Hey excuse me?”

 The person stirred and your heart nearly jumped out of your chest when you heard a very deep groan-like is it even remotely possible for a voice to be this low and husky? You quickly scurried back to your bed when the person slowly sat up and their covers falling to their lap; this boy had disheveled lightish-brown hair that somewhat covered his eyes and even with the slight bloatedness on his fair features, you could see that his face has some charm to them. The color of his wings were white with long streaks of gold and they were almost as big as Hyunjin’s.

 “Who are you?” You asked a bit louder than before and he glanced at you with a confused expression before finally realizing what was going on. Felix’s eyes widened when he saw you clinging the covers to your body and quickly looked away before clearing his throat.

 “Felix… My name’s Felix.”

 Taken aback at his deep voice, you tried to make sense as to how his voice was his and how his face had that voice.

 “...W...Why are you in my room…?”

 “Uh… Well, last night since the Silver dorm was burned down, we were assigned to stay in the rooms in this dorm for the night.”

 “... But why mine?” You sort of understood what was going on, but there were plenty of rooms in this dorm; why did he have to stay in yours?

 “Some angels living here don't really like angels from the Silver dorm so you could say beds were limited.” Felix explained softly as he ruffled his bed hair slightly.

 “That’s kind of petty, but okay… Are you going to be leaving today? Or what’s the plan?” You decided to get up out of bed and grab some clothes or something to change into while still holding onto the blanket. “Close your eyes. I feel uncomfortable talking to you with no clothes on…”

 “S-Sorry about that,” Felix closed his eyes tightly as you hurried to your luggage to grab anything you could change into. “-I didn't think you’d be comfortable knowing that I dressed you so I didn't try. And about the room situation, the Captains said they’d let us know today. We’re going to find out about it at breakfast.”

 “You’re right about the dressing me part… You...didn't see anything...right?”

 “N-No, I didn't. I didn't look I swear.” Felix internally panicked and his ears burned hot at the thought of what happened the night before; but remembering it made him even more embarrassed.

 You quickly got changed into a sports bra, underwear and an oversized black t-shirt before putting the blanket back onto your bed. You tossed the towel into the laundry basket and grabbed a brush from the restroom sink.

 “You can look now…” You muttered softly as you sat on the bed with your back facing Felix. “I’m Y/N by the way… I don't think I mentioned my name.”

 “I know… I think everyone on campus kind of knows…” Felix replied with a nod and stood up to make the bed neat and tidy. “You don't mind if I use the restroom first, do you?”

 “Go right ahead.”

 You tried not to stare at Felix as he walked into the restroom and closed the door so that he could freshen up for the morning. With a sigh, you just brushed through your hair and tied it up into a messy bun before sliding on some slippers. You picked up your memo pad with some things you needed to do written on it and that was when you noticed your silver wings in the standing mirror.

 “They are frickin’ ugly as hell…” You grimaced at the plain color and didn't like how you looked with it; but it was a whole lot better than what the real color of your wings was. The color underneath all that dye would for sure cause you a lot of trouble if anyone where to know of it.

 The restroom door opened after a couple minutes and you went in after Felix finished drying his face after washing it. He froze when you brushed past him and once the restroom door closed he went to put on some slippers from the bag Seungmin gave him. Suddenly, someone knocked on the door and Felix hesitated before going to open it.

 “... Where’s Y/N?” Hyunjin immediately frowned when the door opened to reveal a guy that wasn’t you; he remembered seeing Seungmin talking to him the night before but Hyunjin wasn’t interested in what they were conversing about.

 “She’s brushing her teeth. You need something?” Felix frowned as well, feeling some hostility coming from Hyunjin and noticed the size of his wings; he heard that there was a new freshmen with wings bigger than his and Felix had one of the largest wings on campus. So this was who it was.

 “Breakfast is starting and the Captains want to talk to us. Is she okay?”

 “She’s fine.”

 Before Hyunjin could ask about her overall condition, you came out of the restroom and saw the two boys just glaring at one another.

 “What’s going on here?” You asked in confusion with crossed arms.

 “Nothing. Let’s go get food.” Hyunjin reached forward and grabbed your hand in his, pulling you out of the room to him. Before you could remind him not to touch you, he started dragging you down the hallway, leaving Felix with a bitter feeling in his chest.

 “Slow down! And stop holding my hand!” You complained, pulling your hand away from Hyunjin when the two of you reached the top of the stairs. “What is wrong with you?”

 “Are you feeling okay?” He turned to you with concerned eyes and you were confused as to why he was so worried about your well-being. “Nothing happened after I left?”

 “I’m okay… and no. Not really.” You didn't really want to tell him about the whole Felix finding you sleeping in the tub and carrying your naked body to your bed so you kept it to yourself. “Let’s just go eat already. I’m starving.”

 Hyunjin just sighed when you clearly lied to his face and decided not to pester you about it before following you into the dining hall. He helped you get some food on your plates and the two of you joined Jisung at a table where Seungmin was at. You immediately dug in and the boys weren’t even surprised anymore.

 “You let her walk out wearing that again?” Seungmin noticed that your attire was the same as the last time you walked into the dining hall and Hyunjin just took off his cardigan and draped it over your legs.

 “Slipped my mind. I was preoccupied with something else at the moment.” Hyunjin gave Felix a hard stare when the light-brown haired angel entered the dining hall and conversing with some of his friends. Seungmin followed his gaze and just nodded.

  “So you met Felix.”

 “Are you okay, Y/N? With having to share a room with a dude…?” Jisung asked as you were spreading some cream cheese on your toasted bagel.

 “Does it matter what I think? There was a limited amount of beds available right? And I just happened to have a spare bed.” You muttered as you took a big bite of the bagel.

 “But are you okay with it?” Hyunjin frowned and you shrugged.

 “Not really, but it’s not like we’d have to spend another night together, right?”

 “Who knows. Chan and Woojin are going to be talking about it soon.” Seungmin picked up his coffee cup and took a sip from it before glancing at the Captains talking near the stage. “Ah right. I’m going to head into town after breakfast to pick up your new door knob and keys. Do you want to come with me, Y/N?”

 “Are you asking me out on a date?” You blinked and Hyunjin choked on his own coffee while Jisung’s eyes just widened like saucers.

 “Depends. Do you want it to be a date?” Seungmin grinned teasingly. “We’ll have some fun hitting up the hardware store and maybe I’ll take you to get some crepes.”

 “I love crepes!” Your eyes widened at the sound of dessert and he laughed out loud. “It’s a date then!”

 “Perfect.” He chuckled as Hyunjin just gave him a look of disbelief. “What? Do you guys want me to take you on a date too? Do you like crepes too?”

 “I like the chocolate hazelnut flavor!” Jisung’s eyes also sparkled at the invitation to eat crepes and you turned to him in surprise.

 “Me too! Whoa, we have something in common after all!”

 “D-Did we not?” He suddenly blinked in confusion and Hyunjin just shook his head.

 “How about it, Hyunjin? Are you up for a date with the three of us?” Seungmin chuckled.

 “Someone has to keep you guys out of trouble right?”

 “Everyone!” Chan called out for everyone’s attention and you turned your gaze to where the blonde angel was standing at; for a split second you swore you made eye contact with him, but you thought it was just your imagination so you went back to eating. “We have some announcements to make regarding the housing situation after what happened last night.”

 “While we’re going to rebuild the Silver dorm, the academy is going to reimburse everyone who was housing there so that you guys can buy necessities for the time being. As for the rooming situation, we’ve decided that where you guys are right now is where you’ll be staying temporarily. Those that lived in the Silver dorm will now stay in the Red dorm and we won’t tolerate those who refuse to share their living spaces. The academy won’t forget to reward you for your cooperation so we would like to thank you for openly allowing your fellow angels to stay with you.” Woojin explained and some angels just groaned while others were happy about the decision.

 “Tonight at the park we will send our farewells to our friends who did not make it out of the fire or passed on from their injuries. I expect everyone to attend the ceremony so please make time out of your night to join us.” Chan spoke afterwards and you stopped eating when you remembered that there were angels who lost their lives that night. You placed down your utensils and turned to see that Chan was looking at you as Changbin was reporting on what was going on at the med bay.

 “I’m sorry.” The blonde-haired Captain mouthed to you and you gave him a confused expression; what was he apologizing for?

 Once the announcements were over, you excused yourself to go back to your dorm to get changed into a more suitable outfit for an outdoor ‘date’ only to find something sticking out from under your door. You looked around and saw that the hallway was empty and you didn't see anyone on your way to your dorm either. Picking up the envelope, you opened it right there and saw a blank piece of paper; but you knew that there was a hidden message written on it. This was a method of communication that you were familiar with during your times in the streets on the other side of the wall.

 Quickly closing the door behind you, you rummaged through your backpack for the blacklight flashlight that you always carried around and pulled it out to reveal the message.

 ‘i know about your wings. i know who you really are... but i’m not the only one. find me and i’ll tell you everything before it’s too late. don't let them get you.’

 Turning off the blacklight, you quickly folded up the letter and put it back into the envelope before getting tape out of your backpack. You taped the envelope onto the top of the second drawer in your nightstand and felt panic setting in the pit of your stomach; someone in the academy knows about your wings… and it seems like those who you were trying to escape and hide from found out where you were. But how?

 You jumped when you heard someone knocking on the door and hesitated before opening it cautiously to see Seungmin standing there sheepishly.

 “You ready?” He beamed a smile, making you realize that you hadn’t changed yet.

 “N-Not yet… Give me two minutes.” You shook your head and he nodded before you closed the door to put on a pair of jean shorts and ankle boots.  Glancing at the hidden letter in your nightstand drawer one last time, you tried to set aside the uneasy feeling in your chest and stepped out of the room.

.

.

 “You okay?” Jisung asked you softly while the four of you were walking to the Plaza where all the shops, entertainment and food areas were. While Hyunjin and Seungmin were slightly ahead, the blonde angel fell back to your pace after noticing that you were kind of spaced out.

 “Why does everyone keep asking me that? I’m okay…”

 “It’s because you don't look like it.” He murmured with a concerned expression as you looked up at him in puzzlement. “Your face is pale, you seem distracted and you’re not as… snappy.”

 “Maybe I didn't get enough sleep or something… Or maybe I just need something sweet.” You shrugged and he suddenly hooked his arm around yours, pulling you in the direction of a boba tea shop nearby. “W-What the-! Blondie, let me go! Hey!”

 “I’m going to get Y/N fed with sugar! She seems a bit tired so you guys go on ahead! We’ll meet you guys up at the fountain after you’re done!” Jisung yelled to the other two who stopped when they heard you complaining about him.

 “Okay! Don't give her too much sugar!” Seungmin laughed and Hyunjin gave you two a worried stare before the RA wrapped an arm around the brown-haired angel’s shoulder. “Let’s go have a date of our own, Hyunjin!”

 “H-Hey, who said I’m going on a date with you!?”

 “What was that for?” You pulled away from Jisung who just smiled at you with that goofy, carefree smile of his.

 “Boba makes everything better and it’ll take away your stress, trust me. So you coming in or not?” The blonde opened the door for you and flipped his white baseball cap backwards on his head so that he could see the menu better. You nodded hesitantly and entered the boba shop to see many angels hanging out in the shop.

 The menu was filled with a decent amount of drinks with their sizes and topping options which made you kind of intimidated and slightly overwhelmed; you heard about these types of shops before and you always wanted to try it but since you weren’t in a good place on the other side of the wall you never got the chance to. You glanced at Jisung who was thinking hard about what he wanted and he had this funny thinking expression on his face that made you kind of crack a smile; he was an oddball.

 “I think I’ll just get the Classic Black milk tea with honey boba, how about you?” Jisung turned his head to look at you and felt his ears get warm when he saw you were staring at him with a small smile on your face; he was taken aback at this and blushed hard when you just looked away quickly after getting caught staring. You ignored the heat spreading all over your face as you tried to focus on the menu.

 “I-I don't know...T-There’s a lot…” You breathed out softly and Jisung stood closer to you before suggesting a drink that you might like.

 “How about the Earl Grey milk tea with honey boba? I like the fragrance of the tea and the different taste it has from the Black tea. I think you’ll really like it.”

 “O-Okay… Get me that one.” You nodded and let him order as you just nervously looked around the shop. There were a lot of couple angels on dates and several big groups of friends just hanging out; there was a small empty two-seater table near the window and you just tugged on Jisung’s sleeve once he finished paying. The two of you made your way over there and couldn’t really look at one another in the eye after sitting down.

 “H-How do you know about these drinks?” You decided to break the ice and Jisung finally looked at your face but kind of blushed when he did.

 “Before I joined the academy, I used to live in the Civilian city where I worked in a shop like this,” he chuckled softly when he remembered the fun times he had working with different milk tea drinks. “-I really loved it and to be honest if this place was hiring I would apply in a heartbeat.”

 “Wait, you… joined the Academy even though you were living in the Civilian town?”

 “Yeah… I didn't tell Hyunjin this yet, but I wasn’t exactly ‘born’ into the whole routine of ‘i died and became an angel and joined the academy” kind of thing. I think I liked my human life and felt that living in the Civilian city was better for me even if it meant it would take awhile for me to be reincarnated.”

 “So...why did you join…?” You asked and before he could answer the buzzer the cashier gave him started buzzing and he excused himself to get the drinks. Jisung returned with the milk teas and handed you yours along with a fat straw. Watching him in confusion, he just kind of stabbed the plastic paper-like lid of the cup and started drinking his milk tea. You did the same and hesitantly tried the drink before filling your whole taste buds melt at the sweet taste.

 Jisung stiffled a laugh when he watched you kind of made a face of adoration and there was this sparkle in your eyes that made his chest feel kind of warm.

 “You like it?”

 “I love it! Oh my gosh! It’s as sweet and nice as I imagined it would be!” You exclaimed and hugged your drink which the blonde angel found was hilarious.

 “Y-You’ve never tried this before when you were on the other side of the wall?” He laughed and you shook your head.

 “I didn't exactly have time on my hands to be spending at a place that this…”

 “And why’s that?” He asked and you started to remember some bad memories, which clearly showed on your face. Jisung noticed your discomfort from his question and quickly changed the topic. “Nevermind! Whenever we have the time in between classes or exams, let’s come here and study sometimes. Or maybe to just hangout. I want you to experience the different types they have.”

 “I’m up for that.” You smiled again and then remembered your question from before. “You didn't answer my question earlier… about why you decided to join the academy.”

 “... Maybe I’ll tell you some times whenever you’re comfortable around me to tell me about your stories.” Jisung just smiled and you thought it was fair so you nodded.

 After finishing your drinks, you and Jisung left the shop to go check out the different stores at the Plaza. You wanted to buy some personal things for the dorm and for your own use but you didn't bring much cash on you at the time; so you decided to write it down on your memo to buy next time. Jisung insisted he bought some of the things you were writing down for you, but you didn't want him to since you didn't really like owing people back.

 “This looks comfy.” You eyed an oversized rose-colored sweater in a retail store while Jisung was checking out the backpacks on the racks. As if detecting something off, the blonde angel turned around and looked around the store to see someone suspicious eyeing you from a couple racks away. They were wearing all black and covering their face with a mask so Jisung couldn’t see their face. He immediately put back the backpack he wanted to buy and tried to casually approach you.

 “Did you find something you like?” He forced a smile while intertwining his hand with yours. You tensed up at the sudden skinship and looked up at him with confused eyes. Jisung had this sudden serious look on his face that made you nervous. You let Jisung drag you through the crowded racks and into the fitting room before pulling the curtain to hide you two in one of the rooms.

 “What’s wrong?” You asked softly and he shook his head.

 “I thought I saw someone strange that’s all… He was watching you and I wanted to see if I wasn’t just overthinking it.” Jisung whispered and the two of you tensed up when you heard hectic footsteps coming into the fitting room area.

 “Sir, this is the ladies’ changing room. The mens’ is on the other side of the store.” A female employee said and the person turned to leave after the employee had to shoo him out.

 “... You might be right.” You recalled what the letter said and started to think that whoever it was that Jisung saw watching you might’ve have been part of the group that was looking for you; it kind of reinforced an assumption you were thinking of but wasn’t sure.

 There were angels in the Academy working with that group; which meant you weren’t safe anywhere now.

 “I’ll go see if the coast is clear, okay?” Jisung pulled his hand away from you and for some reason you grabbed onto his hand. His eyes widened and you quickly pulled away before apologizing.

 “S-Sorry… Y-Yeah, I’ll...stay here…”

 “I won’t let anything happen to you, okay?” He gave you a soft smile of reassurement and you had no other choice but to believe him. You nodded and Jisung stepped out of the fitting room, closing the curtain behind him.

 If they know I’m here… there must be others nearby… damn it…

 Jisung came back after a couple seconds and held out his hand to you.

 “It’s clear. Let’s head back to the dorm.”

 “But what about-”

 “I’ll send them an aerial bird. They’ll understand, it’s okay.”

 You took his hand and the two of you left the retail store, taking the alley way roads back to the Red dorm where you and Jisung waited in your dorm; Felix was out at the time it seemed and so it was unoccupied. You watched as Jisung summoned a small, transparent bird out of thin air and said his message to it before it flew through the door and disappeared.

 “Not a lot of people know how to summon an aerial bird. I knew one person who knew how… but they were much older than you.” You noticed a glowing symbol on Jisung’s forearm when he was summoning the bird and then it faded away when the bird was gone. “It’s a difficult art to perform. It takes up a lot of energy too…”

 “I’m surprised you know about it. I mean… it’s not that uncommon… It’s teachable and doable but yes it requires a lot of focus and energy.” Jisung nodded and took a seat on your study chair.

 “You’re an odd one, Blondie… I thought you were some goofball of a clown but you’re actually quite interesting and mysterious. You better be glad, I’m actually kind of curious about you now.”

 “That’s a compliment, isn’t it?” He grinned widely and you just smiled before throwing a pillow at his ridiculous face. “Just admit that you like me!”

 “Only if you admit that you like me.”

 “... And if I do?”

 “... Shut up.” You got annoyed at the playful grin on his face and threw another pillow at him.

 “Oh hey,” Jisung suddenly noticed the freshman packet on the table and started flipping through it. “-I didn't read through this yet.”

 “Do we have to?” You muttered lazily and laid down on your stomach to hug your long sleeping pillow. “Is there anything interesting to know in there?”

 “Hm, well it says here ‘angels who decide to be in intimate relationships with one another are not forbidden to share a bed together, however be smart and use protection because who the heck has a baby in the Academy?’” Jisung made a funny voice and you laughed.

 “It does not say that.”

 “It doesn’t, but it does imply that having sleepovers means making babies which doesn’t make sense. At least the Academy doesn’t forbid us to be in relationships.”

 “Does that really matter to you?” You asked and the blonde angel thought about it for a minute before giving you a good nod. “Really?? You’re looking for love in a place like this?”

 “Well not exactly. I’m not looking for it per se, but if I like someone I want to be able to express it freely and not be punished for doing so. Don't you?”

 “... I never really thought about those things.” You blinked and shook your head. “I guess you could say my life is unfit for those kinds of things.”

 “Are you scared…? Or does it not interest you?” Jisung was a bit surprised because most girls he knew or would have asked would have dreamed or wanted to be with a significant other romantically.

 “It’s not that…”

 “Ah, so it’s the trust issues.”

 “... I’m not liking the fact that you can read my mind.” You frowned when Jisung kind of pinpointed out the reason why you weren’t really looking for romance or wanting to find one.

 “You’re one mysterious girl, Y/N.” The blonde chuckled.

 “Maybe so…”

 Suddenly there was a knock at the door and the two of you looked at one another.

 “Are you expecting anyone?” Jisung slowly got out of his seat and you shook your head.

 “Maybe it’s Hyunjin and Seungmin.”

 “They would’ve already opened the door by now, wouldn’t they?” He frowned and the two of you tensed up as he cautiously approached the door. When he opened it, his eyes widened. “You…”

to be continued in prologue; part 3.5

|Angel Index;| just some extra information/fun facts~

There are six different types of magic angels can use:

Air

Earth

Water

Weather

Light

Fire

So far you know that...

Jisung uses Air magic

Changbin uses Earth magic and ??? magic

Once all nine Stray Kids members have been introduced, I will post a little memo/character summary with each of their wing colors, hair colors, hobbies, etc for fun!

|Your to-do list;| for funsies~

check out your pager

look through the freshmen packet (pft, maybe if you get bored that is)

find something to decorate your dorm keys  get new keys from Seungmin

get a calendar to mark important dates (such as the end-cycle trial, flying lessons, assignments, etc)

explore? (depending on your mood)

find the next letter

[nijiirorhyme]

Banana Fish Fic that I tried to write

Title: What’s Mine is Yours

Fandom: Banana Fish

Ship: Ash Lynx/Okumura Eiji

Rating: General Audiences

Word Count: 1886

Chapter: 1 of 4

Description: Eiji was so excited. He was waiting all this time from the moment they booked the plane tickets to the moment they packed the day before they left. Ash and Eiji were finally going to Japan.

HEELLLLOOOO! I still haven’t gotten over the ending for Banana Fish, so my brain said fuck it and tried to write somethin about them going to Japan! Alternatively, the fic can be read on ao3! But if you’d like to read it here, it’s past the keep reading segment of this post! I have a general idea for how I want this fic to go, but if you have any recommendations as to what they should do in Japan, please don’t be afraid to drop one in my inbox! Thank you for reading!

P.S This doesn’t take place anywhere in canon and I still have yet to read the manga

Eiji was so excited. He was waiting all this time from the moment they booked the plane tickets to the moment they packed the day before they left. Ash and Eiji were finally going to Japan.

They’ve talked about it for a long time and now that everything’s settled down in New York, it was Eiji’s time to shine. No more Ash showing him around New York, it was all on him to pridefully show off his home country for the first time to the American boy. But, the two were going to be late if a certain blonde didn’t wake up soon.

“Ash! Wake up!” He looked at the clock, it was 6:30am. The latest they had to leave was 6:50am. “If you don’t get up soon we’re going to miss our flight!”

“Five more minutes...” The blonde grumbled as he covered his head with their shared comforter. Eiji’s eye twitched in annoyance. He grabbed one end of the comforter.

“You said five minutes ago,” he pulled the comforter high off Ash’s sleeping form. “Five minutes ago!” The blanket fluttered off the bed and onto the floor, exposing the blonde curled up in the fetal position with his back facing Eiji. He looked so peaceful, it almost made Eiji feel bad for waking him up in such an abrasive way, but then again, this was Ash he was dealing with.

“Breakfast’s in the kitchen. Go eat before we go!” He yelled as he stormed out of the room to organize the things they’d need for their departure.

He set their two luggages beside the door as well as the two backpacks they planned to carry on the flight with them; filled with games, cards and electronics like Eiji’s DS he brought when he first came here to New York. He wiped the sweat off his brow, but admired his handiwork. He wanted to show Ash that he was capable of some heavy lifting. After, he peered into the kitchen and smiled softly at the slightly drowsy Ash trying to eat his food. He took the bowl full of natto and sniffed it. His nose wrinkled in disgust, but nonetheless, stirred it until it was its usual sticky form, poured it over the bowl of rice, and attempted to eat it once more. Eiji’s chest softened, and an overwhelming fondness of his boyfriend even over the simplest actions filled his heart. He couldn’t wait to go to back to Japan, but this time, with his lover by his side.

-

The two packed their bags in the back of the Max’s car and bid their friends farewell.

“Come back and visit us okay?” Sniffled Bones, on the brink of crying. “W-We’ll miss you!”

“Y-Yea! Don’t forget us!” Kong wiped a tear from his eye.

Eiji bowed. “Thank you for taking care of me all this time. I’ll come back soon!” He stood up and flashed them his brightest smile, which caused the two’s tears to finally come.

“Eiji!” They both ran over in sync and gave him a firm hug, sandwiching him between the two. He felt the wind knocked out of him, but he let it happen. He didn’t know when the next time he’d see them again was going to be.

“Oi you guys,” Ash tapped them on their heads lightly with the knuckle of his index finger. “It’s not like he’ll be gone forever.”

The two comedically stopped their crying for one moment, before they roped Ash into the hug, sobbing more tears. “Boss!” The two cried.

Ash sighed. “We’ll be back soon.” He gently told them as he let them hug him, relishing in the warmth friendship had to offer.

The hug lasted for what seemed to be forever until Max cleared his throat. “If you guys don’t get going, you’ll be late.” He said as he checked his watch, causing Eiji to check his as well. They had a bit of time, but cut it short just in case the few extra minutes would be of use to them.  

The group hug dissolved and they got into the car, waving as the two figures of their friends disappeared in the distance.

-

Once they arrived at the airport, it was time to also say goodbye to Max.

Without warning or advanced notice, Max hugged the two of them, one for each of his arms. “Have a good flight,” he let them go and clapped Eiji on the shoulder. “And give Ibe my regards.” Eiji nodded and thanked him for everything as well.

“See you later, Dad.” The blonde sassily waved his hand as he extended the handle of his luggage and started to walk off toward their gate.

Max clicked his tongue. “That brat’ll never change, huh.” Max sighed. “Take good care of him, okay?”

The young Japanese male turned to face him, his dark black eyes reflected his confidence and determination. “I will.”

-

After putting their carry-on’s in the overhead storage, the two settled down on the plane. Ash took the window seat, and Eiji took the one beside him.

“Is this your first time flying in a plane to go on vacation?” The black haired boy asked Ash excitedly. Without taking his gaze from the window, he nodded wordlessly. “Man, I do love flying! It’s the best to see all the clouds and scenery below!” Another wordless nod. “Plus when the sun sets and rises, it gets super pretty!” Another wordless nod. Something was wrong.

“Hey Ash, are you okay?” He tapped his boyfriend on the back. Ash turned to him, and he was paler than his naturally fair skin. “Are you okay?!” Eiji repeated, his voice dyed with concern.

“I-I’ll be fine.” He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. He was still trying to keep up his cool and brave demeanour.

“What are you scared of?” Eiji asked. “Maybe I can help.”

The blonde swallowed before he spoke. “Take o-off...” Oh. That was an understandable fear, but Eiji guessed Ash wasn’t as fearless as he let on. He chuckled at the thought. Even if it wasn’t his first time on a plane, Eiji guessed it was different if you were flying in one for leisure than one where your life was on the line.

“It’s okay, everyone’s afraid of take-off, but I have something that’ll help,” he fumbled around his pockets until he found what he was looking for. He pulled it out of his pants pocket and handed a stick to Ash. “Here, gum.”  

Ash took it apprehensively. “It helps during take off. It pops your ears.” Eiji explained.

“Thanks.” He unwrapped it and popped it in his mouth, chewing it loud enough to make Eiji cringe.

“When you chew like that...” He didn’t even bother finishing his sentence. “Never mind.”

“I know,” Ash smiled. “I only did it to tease you. Since I know you hate it.”

Eiji couldn’t help but chuckle as he playfully punched the shoulder of his boyfriend, maybe a little too hard.

“Ouch, are you getting stronger?” He sucked in a breath through his teeth and rubbed his shoulder. “That one hurt.”

The black haired boy’s face lit with delight. “Really?!” Eiji rolled up the sleeve to his sweater and flexed.  “I’ve been training really hard! I’m glad to see it finally paying off-“

“Just kidding.” Ash chuckled. Eiji’s face twitched in annoyance at his bratty boyfriend.

“You..!”

-

It was finally time for take off. Eiji looked at his boyfriend, who was leaning back in his seat, eyes closed, trying to calm himself.

He tapped him on the shoulder, which received him an intense stare. Catching Ash off guard was something Eiji would never be able to do. “Everything’s going to be fine!” He extended his hand on the shared armrest between them. “Here, if you need to hold a grown-up’s hand.” He teased.

Ash pouted. “I’m not a kid.” He mumbled as his hand made its way into Eiji’s, the warmth of Ash’s hand  warming his heart as well. Then, as   the plane started its ascend into the  bountiful sky, Ash clenched Eiji’s hand tightly as he rubbed small circles on the back of Ash’s hand to soothe him. No matter how Eiji looked at it, he was still a vulnerable kid at heart in some ways that he hadn’t outgrown yet.

-

Once the plane safely took off and stabilized in the air, they were allowed to free roam, but didn’t feel the need to leave their seats just yet.

“Are you still nervous?” Eiji asked.

“Wow.” Ash replied, when the black haired boy turned to him, he saw his boyfriend’s jade eyes lit with childish excitement as if he were a kid in a candy store.

Eiji peered over Ash’s form to see what mesmerized his boyfriend, and let out a small gasp. An orangey glow dusted the clouds as the sun began to rise for the day. Eiji looked at Ash, who continued to look onward at the vast sky around them from the window, with one thought rising in his mind.

“Now you’re soaring too.” Slipped passed Eiji’s lips. Ash turned to him, looking at him in confusion. When he realized what he said, his face lit up like a beacon. “Uh,” he waved his hands in front of his face as he recollected his thoughts. He instinctively brought his hand up to scratch his cheek and smiled. “It’s just that back when I first met you, that was one of the things you said I did when I vaulted over the wall. Now you’re the one soaring.”

A moment of silence passed between the two before Ash let out a chuckle. He leaned back in his chair before bringing his head to rest on Eiji’s shoulder. “And it’s all thanks to you. If you hadn’t been by my side...” His eyes flashed with hurt and loss. He didn’t finish his sentence, but Eiji knew what he meant. If Ash didn’t have Eiji around, he would have lost himself in all of the blood he’s spilled. He would have lost himself to the countless nightmares that haunted him every night, and he would have felt like he was all alone in a world where no one understood him.

“I don’t regret going to America at all. Because if I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have met the gangs and I wouldn’t have met Skip or Shorter,” his voice wavered as he mentioned those names. “And if I didn’t go, I wouldn’t have been able to have met you.” Eiji relaxed back in his seat and took a deep break before continuing. “My life would have been the same as before. Boring and plain. Thanks to you, I don’t think that’ll be the case anymore.” The black haired boy chuckled. He was waiting for a reply from Ash, until soft snoring graced his ears. His gaze fell on the blonde, who was fast asleep and a soft smile made its way upon his face. No matter how Eiji looked at it, he loved Ash, and he knew that the feeling was mutual.

Eiji placed a quick kiss atop the blonde’s head before settling his own head on top of Ash’s. He closed his eyes, letting sleep whisk him away the same peaceful way it did his lover.

[lets-imagine-fanfics]

A Night in Paris [Diana Prince x Fem!Reader] (Platonic)

Request:  Could you pretty please do an Imagine being saved from a mugging by Diana Prince and you and her becoming friends afterwards?

A/N: I know I did a full on fic but I hope you enjoy it! Thanks for the request. [Send in a request]

A/N/N: Also I’m starting a tag list, so let me know if you want to be tagged.

Words: 827 - Only a short one

It was a cold winters night... that sounds like the start of a cheesy Christmas story but let's continue...  

It was a cold winters night; all the bars had started closing up for the night, the cobbled streets shone as if it was marble as the street lights shone on the rain weathered streets. Normally the streets of Paris were empty and peaceful at night. Tonight, however, there was something in the air. People hid in the shadows, whispers echoed throughout the city.

As Y/N walked through the city after a rather eventful night at work. They would normally feel safe, walking home on autopilot as her tired feet trudged home. Tonight, though the thoughts that circled her mind kept her aware of the whispers and the bodies that walked around the streets.  

As Y/N turned the corner into the dark alley they felt like they were being followed. With a quick look over her shoulder, they saw shadows approaching. With panic setting in Y/N gripped her bag tighter to her chest. The panic started to calm when a figure appeared at the end of the alley, ahead of Y/N. 'Nothing can happen whilst they can see me' they thought. The person in front was coming closer as the people behind Y/N could almost reach out and touch her.  

The stranger in front of Y/N approached her, the panic coming back all too quickly.  "Donnez moi ton sac" The stranger spoke in a gruff voice. 'Give me your bag' Y/N translated, having lived in the city for a few years now.  

"Quelle?" Y/N stuttered.

One of the men that stood behind Y/N grabbed her bag, trying to rip it from her.  

"No stop!" Y/N shouted before realising where they were.  "Arrêtez" her voice echoing through the alley.  

The people demanded her bag, they demanded the money she carried. Y/N fell down as a punch was thrown, almost knocking her out. They felt the kicks of the men, all Y/N could do was cry out, as they covered her face and lay in a fetal position. Flesh hitting flesh and the cries in pain could be heard throughout Paris.  

All of a sudden, the pain stopped. Y/N wasn't being attacked anymore but the sound of flesh hitting flesh still echoed through the alley. 'should I risk a look, or just stay still so no one notices me?' Y/N battelled internally.  

Before Y/N had a chance to do anything the noises stopped, it was if the world stood still. With her heart stuck in her throat she lifted her head slowly away from her protective arms. All Y/N saw were her attackers lay on the floor, groans started to be heard as they slowly became conscious. 'What had happened! Is there a larger danger now?'. Y/N stayed as still as she could, not wanting to receive attention from her "hero".  

A stroke on her shoulder made Y/N squeal, not expecting the contact.  

"C'est bon, tu es en sécurité" A woman's voice spoke in a soft tone. Listening to what the woman had said, Y/N looked up at her rescuer. The woman was stood in a costume of some sort, one that had been seen in history books a long time ago. The same costume that had recently resurfaced back in Gotham a few years ago.  

"You... You're... Wonder Woman" Y/N stuttered, disbelief in her tone and expression. No one had actually seen Wonder Woman before, according to the whispers and blogs. Most thought she was just a myth, someone to bring hope to women and men.  

The woman kneeling in front of Y/N didn't say anything, she just smiled. There was something about the smile that reassured Y/N, making her feel like everything was going to be okay. Y/N found that all she was capable of doing was smiling back.  

The lady in front of her helped Y/N up of the wet ground, patting her down slightly. "Are you okay, nothing broken?" The woman asked, a slight accent that couldn't be placed. The woman's brows grew closer together in concern.  

"No... I don't think so" There was a pause. "I... I mean, I'm okay, I don't think anything is broken" Y/N replied, realising what she had said. Suddenly Y/N began to rustle through her bag. "How can I repay you for helping me?" As the purse came out of the bag her rescuer stopped her.  

"You don't need to do that" She said.  

"There must be something I can do to repay you for saving me?" Y/N questioned.  

The lady just nodded in thought, the concern was no longer showing on her face. Instead, a smile started to grow as she looked down the alley. "How about we get some ice cream?" She asked.  

Y/N nodded, content with the request. "I'm Y/N, by the way" She stated, looking at the other woman.  

"Diana" She spoke happily as she started to walk out of the alley, Y/N by her side.

Translations for Google Translate so they may be completely incorrect.  

Donnez moi ton sac - Give me your bag

Quelle – What

Arrêtez - Stop

C'est bon, tu es en sécurité - It's okay, you're safe

So I’m tagging these people because they liked a few of my other writings xx

If you don’t want to be tagged anymore let me know.

Tags under the cut. 

@lucy-fire20 ; @jdm-negann ; @girlontumblur ; @toocoolioforyoulio ; @sonicbansheescream ; @alex-cxilla ; @katg1221 ; @wingedlandwasteland ; @cinnamon-toast-warlock; @drawing-is-meh-life-forever; @live-the-beautiful-game; @fuckperfect67;

[mbergen]

In the beginning of all this, I mentioned Tammy had 2 other nurse friends in New York City.  This is one of them. Carrie Ann. She has a Very Special Story to tell. Tammy and Carrie met at Kindred Hospital in Peoria, and then they both worked for awhile at IVCH in Peru Illinois. Carrie is a Travel Nurse and her specialty is OB, Labor and Delivery. Carrie’s Day 1 of 21 started on March 28 2020. She is staying at the New Yorker in Manhattan and working at Jacobi Medical Center in the Bronx. This is so heart wrenching to read her posts. But she is telling how it is. These are story’s that should be told. Their are some doubters out their that just don’t realize what is truly going on in this world with this virus. The people in the New York City are fighting for survival. We need to know what these nurses and doctors and all personal are going through to help these people daily, …..and you might wonder…. why do they do it?…..It’s because they feel the need to help. They are answering the call that they are trained for….It’s their LOVE OF LIFE AND PEOPLE. So in this blog I will copy the words directly from Carries FB site…..These will all be her words……Preserved for us all….

So Lets Follow her for her 21 days fighting Covid-19 in New York City

CarrieAnn is at Chicago O’Hare International Airport. March 27 at 9:57 AM · Chicago, IL ·

I’ve said it before .. being a nurse isn’t what I do, it’s who I am. It’s not always a choice, it’s a calling, sometimes you don’t even understand it yourself. So in the words of my little brother, Im going to “bring my ass home”, but for now, let’s do this New York

Jacobi Medical Center

CarrieAnn March 28 at 6:39 PM ·

Day 1. Jacobi Medical Center. I’m overwhelmed and proud to be part of this group of nurses. Ps didn’t post this morning.

CarrieAnn March 28 at 6:52 PM ·

So I’ve decided I’m going to do something I don’t normally do, and I’m going to post about my days while I’m here..as much as I can by the time I make it to the end of the day. And it’s not going to be your average sugar coated filtered Facebook bs, I’m going to be raw and honest about what is happening here. Unfriend me now if you don’t want to know. Day 1 started with some uncertainty because it’s the first day. No one really knows what they’re doing. A bus shuttles us from the hotel to the hospitals we are assigned to. There was a group of us on our first day so we had a day of hospital orientation before heading to the floors tomorrow. While waiting at the elevators to go up to education the nurse escorting us answered her phone and started crying, asking the person to repeat what they’d just said.. then cried out, and sobbed. She walked away then came back and told us one of their educators just died from corona. On the bus back to the hotel at the end of Day 1 and I receive a text from a newer nurse, I think she’s been a nurse 4 years, she’s young, a lovely girl, and she was assigned to Elmhurst. She just got on her bus, and this is what her Day 1 will look like. PLEASE PRAY.

Mar 29 at 8:59AM

Day 2 in NYC. I am still at Jacobi Center and I’m in Labor & Delivery where we still have plenty of supplies.

The text from my friend about her first night at a different hospital.

“ER -one nurse taking care of FIVE intubated “sedated” possible positive covid patients. five to one, he was just running around trying to keep a BP going. they are out of ALL supplies… they’re out of pumps!? they had fentanyl/levo/propofol gtts with no pumps. they were titrating by the roller clamp. maxed out on vent settings, with sats in 70-80s and they were happy with that sat. patients coding every couple minutes. it’s a 50 bed ER, and they have over 200 patients in there right now. patients just stacked on top of each other and having to move stretchers around to just reach a patient in the back row. they made a tent morgue outside of the ER and it’s full already.”

Feeling thankful beyond words for my assignment today, and praying this nurse has peace in her heart and mind this morning when she lays down to sleep. Even just for a few hours. ♥️

March 29 at 9:08PM

Today I got my assignment, and thanked God above my whole walk to the labor and delivery unit. That group of nurses were so appreciative -so thankful that we’re here to help- I’ve never felt so appreciated walking onto a shift. They took me in as one of their own made me feel welcome and did not miss an opportunity to thank me, all day long.

The TV in the break room runs between ABC NBC CNN and Fox news all day long, trying to keep up with the latest with Covid while managing our patients.

Employees at the hospital were picketing outside the emergency room and I’m not even really sure why… The biggest complaint I hear is about having to use the N95 masks for a week before we can get a new one. They gave out small brown paper bags, like a lunch bag, to store it in.

The labor and delivery unit is dated, and not well laid out. The cabinets are falling off hinges with long mismatched screws holding them on, and there is paint chipping off most of the corners of walls, and along the ceilings. But it doesn’t change the overall feeling of optimism on this unit, and in the midst of everything going on all around us, we had a delivery of a healthy baby girl today.

Every nurse that got on the bus wore her day on her face, some spoke it in words, some look defeated. One cried. We talked about our day.. the good, and the bad, then finished the bus ride back with our acapella rendition of Joe Diffys John Deere Green. RIP Joe

March 30 at 7:02PM

Day3. Today I learned why Mondays get a bad rap. New York hospitals did that. It doesn’t matter how experienced or strong of a nurse you think you are, you’re not ready for this. I got there, took my assignment in triage, and the door didn’t stop revolving. Within the first hour all the triage beds were full and there was a line waiting. Some were belligerent and cussing demanding to be seen, some were tearful, all were scared. Everyone’s wearing masks and complaining of how hot they are. Management is visible, on the floor working, asking what you need, how they can help.

These women are coming in alone, leaving their husbands, sisters, moms- whoever brought them- in the waiting room as they are assessed and treated. If they stay they can have one support person, no trading off- ONE person, per patient, per stay…. WHEN THEY ARE HAVING A BABY. Or when they’re not. Some of these girls are miscarrying, or having a threatened miscarriage, and they have to pick the one person that can sit next to them, hug them, tell them it’s going to be okay. One person. Because of this virus. Oh, and when they do deliver, dad gets one hour to bond then they have to leave .. til mom goes home.

Covid in pregnant women is a hard thing to look at. She’s struggling to breath and her 02 sats are in the 70-80s. Do you know how much oxygen that means her baby is getting? She went to ICU. I didn’t have time to check and see how she was doing after she left our floor.

I also didn’t have time to eat, drink, or pee. I can feel my heartbeat in my feet after sitting down for 10 minutes on this bus, and don’t even feel sorry for myself because I had more help than the night shift I just left.

March 31 at 9:27PM

I wasn’t going to post words tonight, but just a picture. If you haven’t seen it, this isn’t some professional National Geographic wait for the perfect poignant shot picture. It’s a snapshot, taken with a phone, by a nurse, here, in New York City.

But then…

Ive always been a believer of “to each their own”. I’ve never had a hard time respecting someone’s opinion or beliefs without agreeing with them myself. And then today I find myself typing out the words “you’re a fucking idiot” in response to a strangers comment on a friends post. A stranger. Going on and on about how this virus is a hoax. Well-?! .. is he..? an IDIOT?? Are people that fn STUPID? I just hope..these individuals don’t end up with the virus themselves and need the medical attention and treatment from one of these doctors or nurses that read that shit. Because I think, for the first time in my life I would walk on by.

April 5 at 7:05 PM

Day 5 was mixed. I am sore and I am tired. My back hurts from being on my feet for 15 hours a day, and there are open spots on the back of both my ears from wearing a surgical mask over the N95, to try to make it last longer. You end every day with a headache from the tightness and pressure of the N95 on your face all day. We have two rooms just dedicated to corona virus rule outs on Labor and Delivery, and we are going to ICU to do fetal monitoring for positive moms. We constantly weave in and out of ambulances on the way to and from the hotel. I’m not complaining.

I was present and praising God at the beginning of 2 new lives today. The OB charge nurse called the 4 of us crisis nurses together n she stood up and told us that when she saw on the news that nurses were coming from all over the country to help in NY, she was emotional and touched. When she heard her hospital was getting 200 nurses, she was excited. But when we walked onto her unit to work, she couldn’t believe it. She thanked us with a sincerity that was raw and I will never forget.

Across town my friend Sid had a different day. When she text me I put my phone down and cried. You don’t even have to be there to feel the terror of that shift. Its not plateaued, and it’s not slowing down. Again, she is not at the same hospital I am.

****five codes… they all die. staff is so so rude and unhelpful. it’s such a toxic environment. my patient was one of them at 0630. my vent stopped working because it’s a damn portable and he’s been on it for three days. they refused to get him another one and said that they had to save them for other patients… I bagged him for a good 30-45 minutes without a peep valve and of course he started to decompensate. it was me and a resident and nobody would help, he coded and died. the bus has left me. I have to wait for a van to come get me. we are reusing code carts over and over, we have no oxygen on the unit, the low oxygen alarms are going off, we are out of sedation, we’re using pediatric pulse ox’s… i’m doing things that are just going against my morals and it’s so hard to see how these patients are going down. I do not think covid is killing these people, it’s the lack of staff, education, equipment and resources…. *****

And so now there’s that.

Oh, and my other friend here, that I came with, she was in the ER today, positive.

CarrieAnn April 3 at 8:07 PM ·

On day 7, the Midwest is looking really good. After a week here, working nonstop, you’re a different person. I miss home, miss my kids and I miss my husband, Joshua, who tried everything from arguing to pleading with me not to go-because he was worried about my health-but has been indescribably supportive, and encouraging me every day. I love you. Im irritable and emotional. Tears fell out of my eyes and right down onto my patients bed yesterday as I’m leaning over her doing all the things when we lost fetal heart tones. That’s not how I nurse, and has nevvver happened. I just couldn’t help it. The feeling of impending doom is heavy. There are numerous morgue trailers, morgue tents, and mobile morgue trucks all over the city. Ambulances constantly speeding by, lights on, horns blaring. Don’t miss the view from my patients labor room below. The hospitals here have now started ethical triage. That’s when families are simply told there are no ventilators to save your family member. Do they need a ventilator to survive? Yes? Then roll them over there to die. People over 65 have been denied ventilators to give it to a younger person who has a better chance. WHAT-? Many healthcare workers here are writing their last will and testament. New York has now initiated orders that first responders cannot transport people to hospitals if they cannot be revived on the field. They just don’t…even…take…them.  Can you imagine, in our country, calling 911 because your wife can’t breath and they won’t even put her into the ambulance? Thousands of nurses, nurse practitioners and doctors have come to New York, and are risking their lives to help. NO ONE knows how they will respond to the virus..you may be okay, you may die. All you have to do is stay home. Or you could be standing in the emergency room hearing “I’m sorry but we don’t have a ventilator for your wife/son/daughter.” No bullshit. How bout the NYFD though, greeting nurses for our shift 🙌🏼❤️

.

CarrieAnn April 5 at 10:07 AM ·

Yesterday was day 8, and it was the closest representation of a “normal” day in labor and delivery. I had a 1:1 mag patient that I was able to give the appropriate amount of attention to, and I didn’t feel like running off the floor once. I’ve gotten a lot of support and kindness from the staff nurses here, and that makes a huge difference. There are 2 covid+ moms on the unit- these women are SICK- and we sectioned a mom that was in ICU because her oxygen was in the 80’s, and although she resisted having a c/s all day, insisting God would get her through it, her body couldn’t win out over the strain the virus was putting on it. Her baby was born alive and went to NICU.. but this unit continues to focus on life and beginnings. It’s upbeat- a small little bubble of happiness compared to the rest of this city. I also received a package from the best best friend, Lynn, with more “stuff” I couldn’t live without! Shaina, you’re a special kind of person, and I’ll never forget the N95s you had for yourself, but sent to me instead. ♥️ So I’ll use this opportunity to share some pics I’ve taken since I’ve been here..none too exciting, no touristy or cool things that one would want to see on their first trip to New York, but New York nonetheless.

Madison Square Garden

New Yorker, Carries Hotel

CarrieAnn April 5 at 3:02 PM ·

Live♥️ NYFD here showing love to the health care workers!

CarrieAnn Munson April 6 at 9:38 AM ·

Day 9….Yesterday was my 9th day in a row working in New York City. The NYFD came to Jacobi and showed the nurses and docs some love, and that was cool. L&D was slow so I was floated to PEDS, which isn’t pediatrics at all anymore. It’s now an adult med-surg with double occupancy rooms. Practically every patient is covid positive or covid rule-out. The stream of admissions literally doesn’t stop and I heard the charge nurse say I’m at maximum capacity now so what do I do- put 3 in a room? The mood is still upbeat. This charge nurse was joking and laughing, trying to keep his nurses light and moral high. One of the nurses in my group got onto the bus tearful, saying she lost one of the patients she’s taken care of since we arrived here. A 38 year old man, who left his wife and 10 year old son, and died alone because of quarantine. The things etched in our minds eye and memories are hard to explain in words, you just can’t understand it without seeing it. The people who are really sick go from bad to worse quickly, and recovery, if at all, is very slow. The few people that do get extubated, are still 100% dependent on BiPAP. For those who are intubated, more than half are on very strong medications to keep their blood pressure up. And still many of them are dying anyway, despite our best efforts. The most tragic part, is that they are alone. Staff uses their iPhones regularly so that families can use FaceTime to see their person one last time, and say goodbye. There are videos people are taking suggesting that the situation in New York is not as bad as the media projects. I don’t have the time to watch all the news right now, and I can agree that the streets, even around the hospitals, are not crowded. However, that is NOT an accurate depiction of where actual patient care is being provided. At least in Queens, and the Bronx.. even Manhattan, every department that cares for the critically ill is stretched way beyond normal capacity. I have been working with nurses and physicians, anesthesiologists, general surgeons, gynecologists, physician assistants, nurse practitioners, and nurse anesthetists, all of whom have been stepping in to do their best to function as intensive care and/or emergency medical providers. In the emergency room, there literally is no more room for additional stretchers, and those less ill are sitting in chairs, for hours and hours. This pandemic is real. The severity, which luckily doesn’t seem to impact the majority, is devastating for the minority. Please- distance yourself from others. Act like you have it, and everyone who doesn’t live with you has it too. You may get Covid, you may not. You may get really sick, you may not. But you could be the reason someone else does, without ever knowing.. and some of them are DYING. Dying with no family member there in their final moments…and that would be much worse than missing out on time with your friends, or not eating in your favorite restaurant.

CarrieAnn  April 7 at 8:24 PM ·

Day 10….Yesterday was day 10. My friend was woken by a call on her room phone from the NYPD, saying there was a complaint against her and she needed to come to the police station for questioning. The officer told her he didn’t want to embarrass her so he would give her time to shower, and she could wear her street clothes (not scrubs) down to the lobby where he would meet her in 40 minutes, walk her out and cuff her before putting her into his car. She called home to fill them in and was told to call the police station back and ask questions. She learned that no officer had called her, no complaint had been filed against her, and no officer was coming to pick her up to take her to the police station for questioning. She notified our company who quickly made arrangements to move her, and make her non-registered. They are also making frequent checks on her. So not only are we fighting the virus, lack of sleep and hot meals, long hours on our feet, homesickness, death in our faces…. now we have to worry about abduction, or worse. W. T. F. Today was my 11th day working in New York. It was a good day. I was just a labor nurse, it was a nice pace, with wonderful fellow nurses, and a good delivery. God is present, and He is good. I am tired, and homesick, He knew I needed a day like this.

CarrieAnn April 9 at 6:04 AM ·

I have NO WORDS for the overwhelming feeling of gratitude and appreciation to each and every one of you- and I know who you are- that took the time out of your day -and money out of your wallet- to send me something here in New York to make my time easier. I’ll never forget it. ♥️♥️♥️

CarrieAnn  April 9 at 7:03 PM ·

Day 13….Today was my 13th day here. Today we also had military nurses arrive at the hospital and assigned to the floor. It is an actual deployment for them. Today I started my shift counting the codes paged overhead, and just realized I stopped counting at 11, hours ago. Today we started swabbing all patients admitted to labor, regardless if they show symptoms or not. Have any of you had this done?..or seen it done?… if you haven’t yet, go ahead and search a video. The swab goes up your nostril all the way back, to your throat. Thrrroaat. Their eyes water and they try to stall, some women push the providers hands away over and over..and then they swab the other side. I miss home, and it feels so much longer than 2 weeks. But I have so much love and support from home..thanks again to all of you that sent me care packages, you can’t know how much of a difference it makes. And this unit continues to make each of us one of their own, embracing us more every day, with endless thank you’s. I still feel healthy, with no signs of illness, so I won’t be whining or complaining.

This is Carrie’s first 13 days.  It is so hard to comprehend as we just sit here every day waiting for the days to pass.  We see it on the news, but the reality does really have the full impact unless you know someone who is fighting the fight……Part 2 will follow her to DAY 21

Part 1….Carrie in New York….Tammy’s Friend….Coronavirus In the beginning of all this, I mentioned Tammy had 2 other nurse friends in New York City.

[wallythayer]

COMING CLEAN: How to Heal Your Birth Story

Right before my son turned 1, I met an old friend for coffee. It had been a while since we had seen each other, and in catching up, she inquired about the birth of our second child. As I told her our story, I began to cry. Even though nearly a year had passed, my feelings around his entrance into this world were still raw and complicated.

It had been difficult to name the emotions tied to the experience. Each time I’ve told our story over the past year, a new door has been opened to anger, fear, guilt, loss, and shame. All the love I have for my son couldn’t erase my questioning of the healthcare system, my faith, and my body. How do you reconcile an event that brings both happiness and doubt?

“Births are not either traumatic or not,” writes Maureen Campion, MS, LP, in Heal Your Birth Story. “Many women have beautiful births in which there was one moment when they were faced with an overwhelming sense of unexpected loss of power. That moment, a week after the birth, may simply resolve itself, or it may become an obsessive sore spot that begins to take over the best parts of the story. . . . Trauma occurs in moments.”

Campion, a Twin Cities–based psychologist, writes in a compassionate and understanding voice, and details the various avenues of emotions tied to psychological birth trauma and unresolved negativity around a woman’s birth story. In her book, she shares her own tale and others’ essays, and offers exercises to aid in healing.

Indeed, the spectrum of feelings and the event itself varies so widely and uniquely. My first birth with my daughter was glorious: My vision and hopes realized in an active and speedy labor and water birth.

When I became pregnant two years later, I was certain a second pregnancy would run a similar course to my first. I hired my same amazing doula, but signed up with a larger group of nurse midwives, as my former group disbanded. There were some concerns along the way as I met with the different midwives, a practice of roughly 20 women, but with my doula and husband by my side when the time came, I knew I’d have my key support team in place in case anything went amiss.

Then about two weeks before his due date, my waters broke. Since my first birth was just shy of eight hours, my care team had several discussions about this birth also being fast, maybe even half the time. So we set out for the hospital.

But even as we prepared to go, I noticed something strange: no regular and steady contractions. Really, nothing.

Once I was admitted to the hospital, it was noted quickly that my risk for infection would increase after 12 hours of the waters breaking so we needed to consider medical intervention. I thanked the nurse for the information, but I was worried: Several conversations with the midwives were about my goal to have a nonmedicated vaginal birth, ideally in water. Instead of me trusting them as their patient, I was now vigilant and cautious of their care.

With my husband and doula, I walked outside on the trails and throughout the hospital corridors. I tried repeating the same patterns as my first birth: swaying on a stability ball, different positioning, relaxing in the tub.

Lunch came and little had changed. More walking, lunges, step-ups, squatting, and walking. So much walking.

Near dinnertime, the conversation with a second midwife returned to interventions, and we agreed to try the prostaglandin pill Cervidil, which works to soften the cervix and thus spur contractions, later that night if nothing had changed. While they were ready to take action, I was still hoping for nature to lead. “I don’t have anywhere to go,” I noted. I went for another walk, and took another bath.

That evening, the charge nurse pushed to give me an IV without full explanation, saying that it “wasn’t up for a discussion,” and I grew frustrated. It’s in my nature as a health journalist to know the facts and rationale. (She later explained when prompted for more detail that his heart rate was high, and the thinking was that I was dehydrated and needed fluids, which did indeed work to bring down his heart rate.) As she inserted the IV, tears streamed down my face, and through my anger, I told her, “I don’t want my birth to feel like my brain surgery.”

“You will find raw spots in your story around something that was said to you or a procedure that went wrong or the way you were treated,” Campion writes. “For you, this was a sacred, amazing, powerful experience. For some of them it was just a work day and maybe a crappy one at that.”

With the shift change to a wonderful new midwife and nurse the next day, I was ready to move forward. We walked again, I squatted and lunged; we tried Spinning Babies; reiki, massage, acupressure, acupuncture, and warm baths. 

After 38 hours from when my waters broke, my contractions began to be stronger, steady, and more predictable. Now on my fifth midwife and fourth nurse after another shift change, I re-explained my birth preferences again: Let my body do the work, release any worry, and please avoid causing alarm. My goal is a water birth.

The midwife nodded and seemed to understand, but I quickly started to see that the fetal heartbeat monitor would decide the course of this birth. Since I had been put on Cervidil, the machine was their guide instead of me as the patient, and the monitor seemed in control of my and my baby’s destiny. They discussed the numbers even as my vocalization changed from what my husband described as “Zen monk” to “lead singer of a heavy metal band.” They watched the numbers as my contractions became longer and closer together, but no mention of the tub being prepared — they wouldn’t even answer my husband when he asked several times if it was ready for me. I felt my water-birth dream dissolve with each passing hour, and my spirit crushed every time the midwife stopped by my room. I felt increasingly invisible and unheard.

When Pitocin was suggested to augment labor, I decide to take a bath. Partly to stall, but also because I knew what was happening, and that no further talk of intervention would be needed. The nurses discussed my numbers and whether the baby’s heart rate met the criteria for a water birth with the ob-gyn on the floor, and I kept focused on labor, now moving into transition. From the bathroom, I climbed onto the bed as the charge nurse pulled the emergency cord for help, and within seconds, our baby boy was born at 12:30 a.m.

I was relieved, but as soon as he wasn’t placed in my arms, I quickly became concerned — he was blue and not breathing. The umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck and there was a tight knot in it. The nurses cheered at me, trying to distract me from the emergency cart in the corner, but I heard the NICU nurse counting aloud marking the time until his first breath. A minute, nearly two, and then shrieks from this little man. To this day, I still hear the counting, and see the panic on the nurse’s face and the fear on my husband’s.

He weighed just over 5½ pounds. Because he had tied a knot in the umbilical cord (most likely loose until birth when it tightened), my care team thought, he didn’t get as much nourishment to grow bigger. My placenta was small, too. Guilt quickly came over me as I thought back to my prenatal appointments where they cautioned me about how much weight to gain — did I not gain enough weight? Even the NICU nurse commented, rather inappropriately, “This baby has no fat on him! You’re going to have to supplement.” I hadn’t even had a chance to breastfeed my baby yet.

After such a tedious labor, his sudden entrance was jarring. As the sun rose, I held him and nursed him all while ruminating: Did I do something wrong? Is he going to be OK? What just happened?

In the following months, I met with mom’s groups, tried bring-your-baby yoga classes, and thought that those feelings of regret and shame would disappear. When I told my birth story to one woman, she said, “Well, all that matters is that he’s here and healthy” — as if the resulting child should just wash away the haunting memories and emotions.

For a while, I was able to muster through: Just push my feelings deep down or ignore them and eventually they’d disappear, right? Moms are often given this message: Suck it up; be the rock; it’s not about you anymore. But how are moms supposed to function as healthy adults and fully heal emotionally and physically from childbirth if they are not supported in addressing emotional distress? With birth trauma linked to postpartum mood disorders, Campion notes, not resolving these feelings can be potentially dangerous for some women.

Today, I feel like myself again. I’ve made peace with his birth, and realized my own strength in the process — a courage that was emblazoned in my DNA from my late grandma Marie and my mother Karen. I’ve moved through the emotions while journaling, reading Campion’s book and attending her birth-trauma workshop, and doing private therapy sessions. I’ve channeled other sources of resiliency, and rediscovered a deeper spiritual connection and purpose that’s refueled me.

“A strong sense of healing is knowing that your birth story is complete and that it no longer impacts your daily life,” Campion writes. “At some point, it just gets to be what happened; it becomes your past.” She notes ways to connect to other mothers and organized advocacy groups, if that feels like the right next step.

There comes a time to turn the corner. Pregnancy, birth, and motherhood have taught me so much about how good and bad live together simultaneously; my lens has shifted to see the beauty and fragility of life — and how it will change. The right amount of space, love, and support can make all the difference.

Get the full story at https://experiencelife.com/article/coming-clean-how-to-heal-your-birth-story/