#just made me realize how lost we are in the fashion world lately

[harryforguccy]

idk I feel weird with fashion now and "trends", it feels like there is no enjoyment because people are just waiting to see what trends next to jump on to it and its not like before, like this time around it feels more intense and even fashion houses I feel as if they lost their je ne sais quoi because everyone is waiting for what tiktok trend next to ride its wave length instead of doing their own thing

[yyawnjun]

BE MY MUSE

photographer!studentminghao x fashion!studentreader

summary: how does it feel to be unexpectedly for one day the muse of your biggest crush since middle school? and what if it became harder than you thought ignoring those feelings?

short smau ; fluff!! ; funny; 2.4k wc

last part !!! let me know your opinions plsplspls ; if you want I could do other parts like extra chapters (?); and maybe another short smau with another pretty guy; let me know if yes and with whom you would like; thanks for all the support !!!

previous // next

8.08 am you were when you woke up, and as soon as you opened your eyes a delicious smell of pancakes surrounded you.

Jun - because he had lost a bet the day the night before - had been forced to cook breakfast for everything, and so he was in the room near baking pancakes.

You got up, maybe because of the scent or maybe because you were anxious about the day ahead, and slowly moved to where the good smell took you.

You found him with his back turned with his eyes fixed on the stove, and had it not been for the noise you caused when you greeted him he might have remained in that trans state forever.

When you looked at the calendar after checking the time on the attached to the wall clock, which read a little after eight fifteen, you realized that the moment had arrived to pose for Minghao. Now is the time to be the muse for your crush—the person you had been admiring since middle school but had never gotten too close to.

Since you were a student in a fashion school, you had already modeled for several projects, including dress fittings and fashion shows. But it seemed like you forgot about that when you had to pose for the person this time—the one who made it impossible for you to be calm and collected, the one who made your heart race.

Thoughts began to wander, and Jun became concerned briefly as he attempted to jolt you out of your brief state due to the baffled expression on your face.

You were so dimly aware that you didn't realize that Jeongan and Chaewon had also arrived to say - as soon as you blinked and returned to the real world, the first thing you noticed was a phone next to your face and the sound of the picture.

"New group profile picture. Thank you," Jeonghan told you in a voice still slurred with sleep as he put the phone away.

"PANCAAAKES" Before anyone could say anything about what had just happened to you that word was shouted.

A few seconds later, you heard a sound of quick footsteps, followed by a sort of shriek of happiness at Jun's freshly prepared breakfast.

"DID YOU REALLY MAKE PANCAKES?" screamed Yujin.

"PANCAAAKES," he replied, as Jungwon echoed.

And so it came about that soon enough you were all seated at the same table, too tired to speak, eating the exquisite pancakes Jun had just made with slow movements and light smiles.

The simple things that morning, like the deliciousness of the pancakes or the way the sunlight illuminated your friends and made them even more beautiful than usual, kept your attention from wandering and from falling into anxiety.

"Yn, we appreciate your attempt not to burst from anxiety. But your expression betrays you - Jungwon said at one point - you went from spacing out for ten minutes, and then to "I look at my friends as if they are the only and the greatest thing in my life", are you okay?"

Startled at how they had again been extremely detailed, you replied. "I feel like my mind could explode at any moment."

"Focus on the fact that you would be late if you didn't start getting ready in 3 seconds." with that simple but striking phrase, Jeonghan brought you back to reality.

9:28 in the morning; you had only 32 minutes to be ready. You quickly stood up and dashed to your room to change. After Minghao mentioned the theme of his photos the previous day, you were grateful that your friends had helped you with choosing your outfit.

Shortly after you were joined by your Yujin and Chaewon, who helped with make-up and hair.

"If the crush on Minghao pass yn hit me up. I am better than a man, and you are too beautiful for a man," concluded Yujin as she finished fixing your hair.

And damn, that girl's compliments made you feel so happy.

It was 9:50 a.m. you had just finished, and you were about to leave.

"Yn! Let's bet: confess to him. If he reciprocates, you'll transfer me to my iban 15$. If not, I'll do it for you." Jeonghad said.

"Sure sure," you said before you left.

"Yn, the colors of your socks are different. - Jun said before you could be too far away to hear him - nothing could go wrong !!"

That phrase was the only one that accompanied you on the walk as you reached Minghao.

He stood out from the crowd when you first saw him, and you bet you could recognize him anywhere. You would tell everyone that it was because of his unique style, but in reality, it was your feelings that made him the most handsome person you could imagine having by your side.

He wore a large black bag, sunglasses, headphones, a tight semi-transparent shirt with dark red and green designs, and black baggy pants. His body moved slightly in time with the music while his gaze remained fixated on the void.

As soon as you reached him and welcomed him, you could feel his eyes moving back and forth across your body, top to bottom.

He quickly smiled and said, "You look very nice; let's go," before turning and walking in the direction he had in mind.

People were staring at you as you walked, watching you with a certain mixture of amazement and admiration.

You seemed to be prepared for a fashion show.

He, on the other hand, didn't seem surprised by the looks, but he could tell you were nervous.

"Yn, they are all admiring you. They all look at you admiringly, as in a fashion show. And if I weren't in danger of crashing with a light pole, I would do the same."

Your ears made the words sound like classical music. When so much still needs to happen, you reach the first point of highest tension, just as in symphonies.

"mpf look who's saying that," you whispered.

You two soon arrived at the destination, which was your middle school.

You suddenly had a thousand memories come flooding back, both good and bad. Minghao, and how it all began with him, was the one who stood out among them all.

You were a little confused by the setting because he hadn't given you much information regarding his plans for the project - but he had added that since you had become his muse, the whole photobook's theme had changed.

"Memories of Beauty" was the theme of which you were the muse.

You didn't know much more than that; all he had said was that he wanted his photographs to be simple and minimalistic.

You two went to an empty classroom that would be your photographic studio that day after entering the school and moving quickly to avoid being seen.

"Do you remember that this was our art room?"

"How could I forget! It was in this classroom that you spoke to me for the first time," and immediately afterward you bit your tongue at what you had just spoken.

The awkward silence had developed, even if you were the only one who recognized it, so your mind started to come up with millions of things to say to break it.

The silence was absent for him as his heartbeats filled those moments noisily.

"I remember that very well," he added, making you wince.

Despite the moment of confusion, he appeared calm, and this also helped you to relieve your initial tension.

"I chose this theme since you reminded me of it; it won't be anything wild. I'll give you a more thorough description of my photobook project at the end of the day. I am aware of your curiosity, and I promise you that you will know everything," He told you while smiling as usual.

You found out only later that he was not yet ready to give you the speech he had prepared the night before.

So you nodded and prepared for the photoshoot.

As a model, you already knew many poses, and he, as a photographer, knew as many poses. Thanks to this, you were able to work very quickly and without too many hiccups.

Occasionally The8 would hand you some accessories, such as his glasses or one of his jackets, but the funniest moments were when he showed you how to set up for the pose.

Once you switched roles—he was the model, you were the photographer—and while your laughs filled the classroom, you made memories untouched by the outside world.

"We have one shot left. I thought you might change outfit," the boy said at one point.

"Oh, I hadn't thought about bringing another one."

"Do not worry; it's not necessary. If it's good with you, of course, I thought I'd lend you some of my clothes."

"Of course, thank you" you replied without thinking.

He handed them to you, and you moved to the bathroom to change.

Only there you realize what you had just so nonchalantly accepted.

His scent on those clothes was intoxicating and tremendously good.

Only a red tie, red boots, and red sunglasses stood out from the long, dark skirt and matching top.

When you were following Minghao's Instagram account, you remember seeing images of him wearing the same outfit. You smiled and flushed at this.

So, with your head still in the clouds and a dreamy expression on your face, you made your way back to the classroom.

It was the click of the camera that made you wake up.

"What is this thing of taking pictures of me when I least expect it-" you said, thinking back to the Jeonghan episode that morning.

"Uh sorry, I should have immortalized you because I was mesmerizing…"

"Uhm! Thanks…I guess," you replied, chuckling.

When The8 saw you wearing the outfit, his eyes struggled more to re-cross yours, and the points of his ears turned crimson.

At that time, only he knew how attractive you were in his eyes.

The shots ended, and it was now 2:38 p.m., so you opted to go and have lunch together.

It had been a quick photo shoot. But, thanks to his talent, combined with yours, and a healthy dose of luck and worry about the short deadline, you finished in almost five hours.

You hadn't forgotten about the change in your attire, but you both chose to keep your opinions to yourselves about it. You to keep his fragrance close for a little longer, and he because seeing you in that dress had encouraged him to confess.

Lunch flew by, and you found yourself going through a park, planning to sit down someplace and rest for a moment in the shade of some trees.

"Do you know who a muse is, yn?"

"Of course, besides being the daughters of Zeus, the muses are those who inspire poets, painters … artists," you said, smiling.

And he nodded before continuing, "I chose to ask you to be my muse because I knew exactly what that word meant. And I knew I couldn't use it on anyone other than you. You are my muse of memory of beauty."

"What do you mean?"

"I chose as the theme for my photobook: "memory of beauty" , and I couldn't help but draw inspiration from the ancient Greeks. Those from whom we derive the current definition of beauty, you know? And the Greek poets, such as Sappho, were always inspired by a muse while creating those timeless works of art."

You hesitated for a moment, perplexed by his speech; was this his way of confessing to you?

"Oh look! There is a perfect spot under that weeping willow tree," he said pointing to the ground.

You approached there, and as you sat down on the lawn, he stretched out to look at the sky.

"…I don't think the beauty of my photobook will be immortal for everyone, but it will be eternal for me because of your collaboration."

"Wait, so you think I am pretty?… I mean, because you're the one who compared me to the concept of beauty…I am honored, Minghao."

And hearing his name mentioned by you sounded sweetly as honey in the boy's ears.

"You are beautiful yn."

The words that came from him seemed almost more romantic than Yujin's.

He'd never stopped looking up while saying this, because the only thing preventing him from the urge to kiss you at the time was the sky.

"If you use those words, look, I might even fall in love with you," you joked as if you hadn't already.

He paused for a bit before whispering, "You are beautiful."

"What?" convinced you didn't hear correctly, or perhaps to make him repeat himself, you moved closer to his face.

You unintentionally covered the sky with your face at the moment. He started to feel addled as his sight became lost in all the features of your face.

"My muse, you're making it complicated for me to resist the temptation to kiss you," he told you as he closed his eyes, trying to improve the situation.

"Oh?" you boldly asked.

And almost driven by an invisible force, you kissed him.

Because of how well your lips matched each other, it was a kiss that tasted fresh, fantastic, and magical.

He had opened his eyes wide in astonishment, only to close them again and be able to feel the feeling that he had been hoping for…

"MINGHAO YOU ARE DEAD. YOU SHOULD HAVE KISS HER FIRST-" A familiar voice was heard, and then Hoshi - a boy with black hair and a shirt with a tiger drawn on it - appeared from afar.

"HOSHI SHUT UP-" another male voice tried to shut him off.

Seungkwan, Jeonghan, Yujin and Chaewon all came shortly afterward.

It took a short time before all your friends joined you.

Yujin had been alerted by Hoshi's live tweeting, and once the others were informed, it had taken little time for them to reach you.

So you all ended up in a bar near the university since Dk was the waiter, and you and Minghao were mentally preparing to tell your version of how it all happened to the new big friend's group.

comments, likes, and reblogs are always greatly appreciated. I hope y'all will like it <3

taglist: @zzenkha @nobraincellmode @mirisss-reblog-and-tags @sunnynapp @kissesfrmwonwoo @justcruisingalonguntilbamkpop @meltinghershey @giuliadesu @tiny-angel05 @wondering-out-loud @amxlia-stars @sp1ng @lirtha97 @moretinyideas @haolistic @punkhazardlaw @fairywriter-oracle @eunwoophobic @miriamxsworld @shookykookie30

[thelostandforgottenangel]

Happy Birthday Ashley

TUMBLR IS FINALLY WORKING FOR ME!!!

Took updating the damn thing but it's finally letting me access stuff...

Anywho, Happy Birthday to the best sister this world could have ever given me, I know I've said it already but I'm so sorry this is so late sis but so much love and care went into making sure you had a birthday worthy of the sweet and kind hearted person I have had the pleasure of knowing all these years even if it feels like yesterday we met

I love you so much @fyreball66 and hope you had the most incredible birthday this world can offer

💜❤💜🎂🎁💜❤💜

💘 **Click to enjoy** 🥰

His morning had started before it had really ended

Even though he had gone to bed on time with his wife after getting their children down for bed and her helping him decompress his built up stress when he rolled over to make love to her needing that simple yet passionate contact until they passed out together he had been up half the night watching over their sick family member who had woken up half of the house with her usual fashion of nightmares only to not remember where she was or who was with her

Him and Ashley had rushed to her room finding Raphael sitting with her in his arms realizing she wasn’t with them in that moment and after his wife got her to breathe he had sent her to go get more rest promising he’d come get her if they needed her

His brother’s had came to check on her seeing her breaking down begging for somebody not there to help her but had to return to their rooms just after he had gotten her calmed down before Master Splinter had come in to take over just as she had fell back to sleep sending him back to bed knowing tomorrow was important

There had been hesitation but the pull to have his wife in his arms was stronger once he knew the family was going to come get him if it got worse

After last year he wasn’t taking any chances no matter how crazy their lives had gotten since running from New York a few years back he wasn’t going to forget this year

He had no excuse last year no matter how everything had piled up on them and his wife had said so he should have never forgotten Ashley’s special day but he had worked like hell to try and make it up to her with an unforgettable date and every day he could after to show how sorry he was

This year he had several alarms, a calendar with a count down written on it, and his work board with several sticky notes

Between the several attacks on their home from the people hunting Angel resulting in a shit show of events; like a few of his brother’s and family members memories being wiped, to where in the last when they lost the child his little sister had been carrying when she saved his daughter Lily from one of heaven’s executioners, the heartbreaking moments of not only betraying Red’s trust in hiding the files that held the fate of his first mate and what had really happened to her from Baxter’s computer but also having the consequences of his actions slam him into a wall in a rage of pure anger before his brother had disappeared completely into the lake

He had still not forgiven himself for that after the couple of months of trying not to think his newest brother was dead or when he had returned alive but hurt badly

Topping all that off with the moment he realized the health of their angelic family member was only worsening by the day he had also installed a count down timer to his computer that alerted him five times every day so he could continue his research into stopping the cancer taking over her body but also keep her from succumbing to the disease

Was it necessary? Probably not, given Angel was staying on his ass to just focus on the more important people in his life even through her own decline with her worsening illness made it harder to do so when her mind seemed to be going she had really pushed for him to just focus on his wife and kids instead of stopping what she knew he couldn’t

Was it worth it? Abso-fucking-lutly if it meant he didn’t have to see his wife that upset ever again over thinking he didn’t value her as his world or that her birthday wasn’t important enough to be celebrated

So that morning he had gotten up extra early and made sure his wife’s clothes were laid out on the end of the bed, gone to the bathroom and set up everything she would need for her morning shower or bath along with her special towels so she was comfortable if she chose to just lay back in bed for a while, then made him a pot of coffee just taking the full thing with him instead of getting a mug and got started on his finishing touches to her surprise

He wouldn’t be shocked if she slept in today knowing Red’s twin boys were taking it out of her in this trimester he was going to let her sleep in as long as they would let her and there was no doubt his brother would wind up in his bed to cuddle with the redhead so he could love on the woman who was giving him his dream

He had already gotten Raven and Faith on baby duty to be sure his girl rested and they had already offered to help him with dinner that night, Leo and Raph were to keep his sister in law down to rest so she had enough energy to be with them during her party even if they all knew she was going to get up anyways and sneak past them then be staying on the couch for a good portion of it if today was a bad day

With Ashley’s birthday surprise finished, in perfect condition, and wrapped up he started up the stairs with something a bit more fun in mind

Going to check on her just to be sure she was resting he chuckled under his breath when he realized she had rolled into his spot and like he had predicted the massive form of his brother Red was nestled up with her under the blankets growling lowly in his warning that she was his for now before he was cuddled up to the pregnant beauty as Donnie just grabbed his boots and waved to him

Knowing he wasn’t getting close to her yet he headed back down the hall peeking in to see the kids were not awake yet and the babies were sleeping soundly meaning he still had time before the house got crazy

Taking the chance he got on his shoes and headed up to Angel’s old cottage he had renovated into the honeymoon cabin having decided they could take a day or two away from the madness to let her relax

Given they all frequently used the smaller place for time to themselves with their mates he was pretty sure Leo and the twins had gone up to get in some much needed couple time where the girl’s had no doubt worshipped the leader into relaxing, then Mikey had gone with Jo trying to romance her on a date but for the youngest turtle having used it he was shocked it was clean and nothing was broke so the sweet girl he had brought there had to of cleaned up before they left

Doing his checks and getting a list of supplies that would have to be brought up to restock the food he started to wonder if maybe he should talk to Angel about expanding on her old place to give them more room but could hold off until she felt like going up there with him to see what he wanted to do since the bathroom and kitchen had been added in three years back before he had known it was hers

After he was finished he locked up and headed back through the forest chuckling as Teddy had bolted out of the brush to sneak attack him with the other wolf puppies halfway back to the main cabin petting his wife’s familiar when he would jump up on him

Gathering up a handful of wildflowers his queen loved in one of the open valleys on his way back for her favorite vase just figuring it would be a nice touch to his already planned out morning he made sure they looked perfect before starting on making her breakfast

Knowing her dietary restrictions and that her two little ones had a picky eating habit the first thing he made sure they had was plenty of meats for her to pick from not sure if they would want sausage or ham he had made both after making the bacon which was a necessity to her morning cravings

He decided last minute to just make enough everyone could eat given he already knew Red was going to be stealing off her plate if he didn’t and once the kids were up they would likely do the same, noticing the back door was unlocked meant Leo and Raph must have gone for their morning run meaning Angel would be up and moving if she woke up before they returned if they hadn’t just got Mikey to take over their spots

He had just finished up the eggs and got the tray with her breakfast on it finished when he heard movement from outside before the two alpha’s came in lightly bickering

“I smoked you all the way here”

“Ah bullshit! I had yer ass on dat last turn an ya know it Fearless”

Donatello sighed rolling his eyes as they argued over who had actually won getting back first, he tossed them each a water to silence them before they woke anyone up but he could tell the house was already getting lively

He could hear Faith’s clutch getting cranky wanting fed which was bound to start a chain reaction that would likely wake up Angel’s infants, then was going to rouse Raven’s two and his youngest daughter

That would lead to the older kids being woken up and then they were going to go find their parents to get their siblings

Knowing the babies were waking up had him already pulling out their prepared bottles from the pot he had sat them in to warm so the clutch not able to nurse could be fed until everyone was up and Daisy could be held over until Ashley was on her feet

Leo’s laugh as heavy steps landed on the stairs had him smirking knowing his brother was finally out of his bed before he had even lumbered into the room growling at his twin who immediately started messing with him for sleeping in while he was looking for the coffee pot grumbling making the genius chuckle as he just leaned on the counter trying to wake up

“Where’s the coffee pot Nerd…?”

Not wanting today to start up with a fight he bit down his snide comments and hurried down to the lab finishing off the cold coffee before placing it next to the male not even giving Leo the chance to get onto him for already having over his limit of coffee consumption in one sitting before he was grabbing the tray had heading up to his room

Coming through the door the heavenly scent of his wife’s body wash filled his senses chuckling seeing her laying out on the bed in a towel telling him she had gotten up before he had got back but had went right back to sleep setting her food on the side table before climbing in beside her “Good Morning beautiful” nuzzling at the redhead lightly until she rolled over grumbling not ready to move again had him kissing her softly just glad he could have her alone “Happy Birthday my love”

Her trying to nestle back into his chest for a few more minutes rest had him laughing before just catching her voice as she whispered he had remembered making him shower her in more kisses until she giggled pushing him away before her lips met his in her thanks

“Did you truly think I would forget again my queen… I’m hurt” he frayed injury making her shove him still tired but her lips on his cheek had him laughing with her

Her stomach moving under the hand resting over her belly told him all he needed to know and had him bringing her breakfast to her once she was sitting up knowing there was a time limit – the infants she was carrying were awake and demanding food and if he didn’t want them kicking her too hard so early he needed to get her fed

Once she was eating and he had loved on her a bit more he went to get the kids hearing Lily and Rose calling for Ashley meaning his sister had to be stretched to her limit on getting to all of them since Faith was probably dealing with her clutch of needy babies in the attic, and he was right; she had Shadow and Fayre ready handing them off to Leo struggling to get Kilian out of bed with Zara and Yoshi in her arms as Evangeline and Lea followed the leader down stairs

Taking the two babies from her he handed them to Raph who must have heard the younger woman trying to multitask as Red stood there in the doorway smiling with Sawyer and Junior holding onto his legs wanting a ride instead of walking

His brother’s mumbling the village was getting out of hand had the female giggling but everyone knew they loved having the big family none of them ever expected to actually exist

Seeing his brother’s were there to help with the kids and Mikey immediately scooping up his daughter Belle he turned getting his twin daughter’s out of bed and letting them get dressed on their own trying to stir his son who like him was never a morning person leaving the twin’s to dress him as he got Daisy who was holding the rail bouncing and giggling already wanting him to get her

Always the daddy’s girl she barely let him put her down to change and dress before she was clinging to him again nuzzling into his chest before seeing somebody she wanted a bit more

He turned grinning as Ashley came in the room cooing at her baby who immediately went to her chirping happily as she nuzzled into Mommy

Knowing the day was now started he hooked an arm around his wife kissing her softly before leading her down the stairs so she wouldn’t fall seeing the pride that matched his at how big she had gotten knowing she still had two months to go with the twins but they were making sure everyone knew they were there

Her gushing over the flowers made him smirk before they got the kids to eating him pulling his wife away to start her show wanting some quiet time while the others ate kissing her head as he watched TV with her as she gave Daisy her bottle letting the baby play on the floor in front of them both laughing as slowly the rest of the kids filtered into the room

They stayed on the couch until the kids started getting fussy wanting to watch their movies sighing but pulling his mate up deciding this was a good time to bring up that the girl’s didn’t need to make lunch but didn’t say a word more as he headed to the hall pulling out bags he had packed and ready looking over with a smile as everyone recognized their swim stuff

The kids getting so excited they immediately ran to get their swimsuits without him having to tell them

He figured a day on the lake after everything was just what they needed and since most of them hadn’t been there since the incident with them being attacked by what ever it had been in the water and it was once again safe this was the perfect day for a trip out

He had an alternative motive but it went hand in hand in their family fun to celebrate the redhead turning a year older

Derrick and Jo were coming up to celebrate with them as well and they had been invited to join the picnic he had planned to pack before the man would be bringing Momma up for the party later when he went to pick up the cake so they might as well get started

He sent his wife to check their stuff before getting right to making sandwiches and packing snacks already having the drinks in the ice chest cold looking over just as Raph carried down the sick woman who had likely been trying to come down on her own

Hating he hadn’t gone to check on her earlier the genius was shifting gears to go check on her after getting everything in the second ice chest as she slowly convinced her massive mate to let her down while coming to the kitchen

Begrudgingly Raph finally gave but stayed close to her

Angel wasn’t looking any better from the night before; but she offered the same soft smile acting like nothing was wrong as he led her to sit at the counter getting her a plate and her medicinal tea for the pain before Donnie would be pushing her to take her medicine

He was still prepping their lunch for the day with Raven and Faith’s help even though he had told them he had it to note them watching their older sister

He had been hopeful with the smaller portions but like lately he noticed she pushed it away without trying for a bite leaving his work to make her a shake in hope he could get her to try for some kind of nutrients before the others noticed adding in an extra scoop of the protein powder he had ordered online to try to keep her from deteriorating further

She at least could sip at those for a while when nobody could convince her to eat

Once that was done he was loading up everything getting it by the door grinning as his wife finally reappeared in the living room already dressed in an oversized shirt and her leggings over her swimsuit seeing he wasn’t the only one who had noticed

Slowly everyone filtered back into the living room ready to go sending the two biggest of his brother’s on ahead with the ice chests while his other two got the kids in the wagon being followed by their mates Leo carrying Angel even as she grumbled she could walk on her own

The walk down just proved how peaceful today was going to be; it was the perfect in every way from the temperature to the overall feel of the lake side

The kids were anxious to get in the water matching Mikey’s own excitement and he was the first to get in the water plunging in before Raven and Faith ran in behind him squealing happily

Before long almost all of them were in the water, Red deciding it best to just stay on shore for a bit with the sick woman who was relaxing in the shade near the babies that were too young to get in the shallows near shore with their older siblings who were excitedly playing on Leatherhead as he basked in the sunlight

He still didn’t want to try to go in after the last two incidents he had been near the water

Knowing Raph was staying closer to his mate and twin brother Donatello pulled Ashley out away from the others grinning as he kept her body close to they could just enjoy the water together not feeling secure in going out to the deeper water just yet they drifted where they were

Once the kids were hungry it gave them a chance to spread out Leo taking the twins to swim out further while him and the redhead went to get lunch with the rest of their family chuckling as the kids tried to hurry to eat what was laid out for their picnic

The children being out of the water to eat finally gave Red the chance to take Angel out to be in the water all of them watching her closely as she got a bit of sun him careful in his movements until they were waist deep her holding him being protective while he let the water wash over her so she could also enjoy the water even if she didn’t have the strength to swim

Donnie had still been sitting on the blankets they had brought down enjoying the homemade pop-tarts his wife made him when she got the chance when almost all of their family returned to swimming

Looking over at the woman at his side as she cradled their little Daisy who had passed out in her arms just smiling as he took her in; the sun filtering through the trees danced over her soft skin making her hair shimmer when it would catch the light, her sitting in that swimsuit that showed off her round belly had him reminiscing over the time they had known each other

He was still smiling like a love sick school boy when she looked over feeling his gaze asking what he was smiling about before he leaned in kissing her softly caressing her cheek so lovingly

“Would you like to go on a little walk with me my queen?” all it took was her little nod before he was placing the sleeping infant in the basket next to Faith before pulling her up with him holding her close as they headed off on one of the trails and for him memory lane

It had been six wonderful years since she had come into his life but for him it felt like it was yesterday when they had first met face to face

What had started out as him trying to comfort the redhead over her worries for somebody she hadn’t heard from in a while had quickly turned into him gaining the best friend he never knew he needed in a matter of hours; somebody who loved to just be around him

The morning she had stayed with him at the lair for the first time after they lost track of time and passed out while hanging out in his room ended in them holding onto one another all night long trying to sneak her out at dawn had was when his brother’s first met her

That should have been all he would ever need to see how their lives were going to change

All the days she had just come to the lair to sit in his lab listening to him ramble over one of his new experiments, his rants of who broke what that day and him having to repair it, or something he had found interesting turned into him just having to be around her whenever she was there pulling him from his work almost too easily

That had transformed into something even more after only knowing her for a month when he experienced the magic she held in that first shy kiss that turned into more in passing’s when nobody was looking

Their relationship started fast and got serious quicker then anticipated but as he had discovered she didn’t seem to mind all that much and he looking back now he wouldn’t change it for the world

They had discovered she was expecting only six months into their relationship and although there had been some hesitation and worry they had been overjoyed to realize they were having a baby… that was amplified when the realization of them having twins was revealed

He couldn’t think of anything that would have made him happier but there was one thing he knew for sure, he didn’t want to live the rest of his life without her always at his side

After managing to get through his anxiety of thinking she hadn’t wanted all of this in her life and making a ring worthy of the woman that held his heart he had proposed on their trip to the cabin on one of the perfect fall evenings under the stars, a ball of nerves when he hit his knee but that smile had just made it all worth it

To his joy she had said yes without any hesitation

Through her pregnancy he was attentive to all her needs and cravings, watching her progress happy to see the two infants thriving better then expected and watch as her belly grew, he could always be found laying near her loving on it when he wasn’t busy, always there whenever she would call even getting overly possessive and protective as she neared the end

The two welcomed their daughters months later far too early when the Purple Dragon’s had attacked in an attempt to capture Angel off the streets one night not realizing until they had trapped them down in the sewers that the woman with her was another of the mutant turtles girls until they saw how protective the other woman was in keeping Ashley from being taken with her and that she was pregnant, the stress alone sent his mate into labor

As they walked down a path just taking in the beauty not only at his side but around him it reminded him their time together hadn’t always been easy bringing more danger then he ever wanted to put her in to their doorstep and it was something he couldn’t control

A month later the clones crashed into their lives turning everything they knew upside down in what became one of the many stressful days they would come to know; all of them narrowly escaping with their lives but the threat just out in the tunnels surrounding their home was always a constant in their minds and for that they monitored everything and followed the females everywhere to be sure they were safe

She had stayed with him through it all

In those weeks she had quit her job and moved in with them fully to protect themselves and he had been so happy when she did but knew she had given up more then he would have ever asked

A while later they had met one of the clones but this one hadn’t been a part of the original plan; she was cloned in the thought to trick them but in the attacks had saved a few of them from the others. A prisoner herself in those labs they had took her in after she escaped to protect her clutch from the Foots plots to build their mutant army thanks to his wife’s heart of gold and slowly she became family to them

He squeezed her hand that took his as if she could sense where is mind was unwillingly going

The clones had crossed their paths many times after that and still she had stayed with him even when he became hard to deal with between his sudden outburst of anger or pulling away and getting lost in his work to keep the family safe she pulled him back each time to keep him grounded

She could have almost made him forget the danger that waited for them every time they left the lair

His clone Dominic’s attack when Donnie lost track of time and hadn’t gone to meet Ashley after work months later to surprise her with a date night at her place with the exciting news of what he had found out of her test results from her being sick for over a month had almost took everything he had away on the night she had been stabbed he thought she would die of her wounds but to his relief she was as strong as he had ever known since meeting the redhead she had pulled through and that morning he had told her why he hadn’t been there

They were expecting another little miracle; a son this time and for a while everything had almost seemed to calm down

Almost

During her pregnancy with their son Shredder’s copies of them continued to grow closer, two of them had somehow managed to get into the lair the day Dom captured Ashley while she was looking for clues on Faith and how she had came to be in those tunnels so close to their home without his security system spotting her getting introduced to their nightmares come true in a clone of her best friend

Seraphine, who took torture to a whole new level for all of them

After killing the woman who had been left to protect their children awakened something even she hadn’t know of giving way to something they had thought could turn the battle in their favor against their enemies

Then unexpectantly came the attack that changed their lives and made them decide to run from the city when he and Raven were returning from Leatherhead’s place

They had ambushed him and to protect his sister and Leo’s unborn baby he had made her run while he held them off before they overtook him in those tunnels nearly killing him in the process but it had been the key turning point that made them flee in order to keep the family safe and let all of them heal before they would have to return and confront their demons

A smile slowly formed on his lips as his mind drifted to a more pleasant and beautiful memory of his wife

They had been there for a while dealing with the mental scars left from their run in with their doppelgangers before he had finally made the move to keep his promise they had put off and on the morning of January 12 four years ago he had set up the whole thing and finally met her at the alter surrounded by their family and friends to say their vows

She had looked so breathtaking in her dress still able to see her coming down the aisle with that bright smile like it just happened

That was when life just seemed to finally find a peaceful middle ground for a while until a threat of the clones finding them had caused Leo to call for them to return to the city sending Ashley into labor in her fears of them not coming back home alive, welcoming their third child that night and causing the leader to start planning out a more productive way to deal with the problems at hand

What should have been the happiest time of their lives never seemed to last

He could still recall her face the day Dom made contact having tracked them down after they thought they were untraceable and off the grid never realizing Seraphine’s invasion of the lair had alternative motives until it was too late

He regretted all of that day

Everything from them leaving not realizing it had been a trick to get them out of the way had almost cost all of them what was important

The girl’s being kidnapped and tormented, them hearing it all happen over the radio as they raced the three hours back to save their family left Raven delivering Leonardo’s son in a cave under their imprisonment before they could manage to escape, Raph still hadn’t recovered from seeing a knife through Angel’s chest once they were home, the trauma it would leave on all of them in the end after the battle had been won and they had ended the clones for good, finally breathing a breath of relief when it settled in they were finally free

The end of that chapter welcomed not only Raven’s new son but the reality of him welcoming another less then expected but much wanted child despite their fears but like always they faced it together

Since then new issues arose in the form of new enemies between hunters and heaven’s army looking to terminate their happy life in order to end the Fallen they called family, a terrifying attack that had taken Angel’s sight and sent her health spiraling in a downward path, Red returning suddenly somehow being brought back from the dead looking as he had that faithful day only to watch him become a brother they cared for as if he had always been there, the death and revival of three family members in three separate ambushes by those who sought to end the angel who put everything on the line, and watching almost all his brother’s forgetting a important part of their lives, his denial to face his true feelings over what Dom left behind, later their struggles to hang on to what they protected while accepting what they couldn’t change

At that point he had expected Ashley to leave him; but like always she stood by him

As they neared a tree across the trail they had yet to move in the last few months he lifted her into his arms leaping over grinning as she giggled snuggling in his arms when he refused to sit her down for a while

Her sweet plea finally got him to do so chuckling as she nuzzled into his side holding her as they got where he was taking her presenting the blanket set up under a tree that looked over the water able to see their family from the hill pulling her into his arms just swaying with her

Her smile as they danced in the peaceful quiet melted his heart humming their song knowing she loved to hear it until he could see she was getting tired bringing her to sit in his lap once he was seated so they could be alone but was still lost in his mind realizing just how much they had been through

The transitioning period of getting used to the new turtle that stumbled into their lives by accident quickly becoming a favorite between the women willing to give him the chance to prove he had changed, watching the kids become attached, all the way to them welcoming their new brother into the clan and all the fun nights and days they had as a family while recovering and renewing bonds to one another seemed to just melt into one single moment

Donnie himself learning the hard way not to piss off his sister in law when he finally cracked under the weight and voiced his feeling’s over everything that had happened after he had started taking too many pain meds to numb his knee almost causing his wife to leave him

The birth of Mikey’s nephilim daughter Belle three month’s too early

The sudden t-boning of Lucifer just popping into their lives to be reunited with his long lost sister bringing dire news of the new threat centered on her new daughter that Angel started a war over to protect her baby

Two months later his daughter Daisy came into the world who he instantly love the second he saw her

Michael and Gabriel’s joint efforts in trapping Angel when she had gone to stop him from taking Ashley to the in between ending her up in purgatory for three days only to discover for her it had been years of fighting to survive until somebody could help her

Gabriel coming back with his need for revenge had nearly cost them Raph who perished in Angel’s arms but had been saved at the last second – and in the same night watching Raven and Leo lose their unborn daughter Harmony who was born too early when the young woman had taken a blow to her middle while protecting his little Lily 

Gaining new friends in Derrick, the town’s vet, and his sweet sister Joanna who had fallen hard for his youngest brother almost the second their eyes met loving he had gotten most of Mikey’s nervous fumbles in gaining her attention on video but loved his baby brother found somebody like he had in Ashley

Meeting Batya, Angel’s first daughter from her first life who had been hiding in their home under their noses so Lucifer had eyes on the blind woman who was starting to worsen even though she had survived the darts meant to kill her

Few months of talking about it and coming up with plans Ashley had lovingly convinced him (without having to really) to help her give Red a family of his own only to discover his brother had accomplished that on his own and would be welcoming twins with his wonderful wife who was willing to give more then she ever asked for

His discovery of Angel hiding just how bad her illness was when her body quit on her putting their family member in a coma they were sure she wouldn’t come back from

Red learning the truth of what had really happened in those labs losing his temper, attacking Donnie in a fit of rage and bolting in fear he would harm his family… the two months of thinking he had tragically drown and was lost to them ripped a hole right in the family but barely having time to mourn with dealing the best they could when whatever had taken him started hunting them…

The joyous day Red limped back into the yard hurt worse then when they found him in the woods the first time but he was alive and he couldn’t recall how long he had hugged him just knowing he was back and okay

Her hand on his cheek snapped him out of his thoughts seeing her concern behind that bright smile had him chuckling nuzzling into her palm taking her hand under his as he leaned his shell on the tree once she shifted to straddle his legs brushing back a stray curl

His honey brown eyes looking over her beautiful face as she silently tried to get him to talk to her about what had him so unfocused “Sorry my love… I was just – thinking about everything” he kissed her hand meeting her eyes easily taken by just how amazing she looked after everything still seeing the same woman he had fell for but he could see the subtle changes and he could only fall further

She had laughed at his love struck expression going to say something before he lifted her chin silencing her too easily; leaning down and kissing her gently as she rested on his chest

It didn’t take her long to pull him in deeper once her arms went around his neck nipping at her as it started to become needy his arms slipping around her waist before his affections were trailing down her neck nuzzling into her gaining the beautiful laughter that to him would always rival the sweetest melody this universe could produce

Her petting of his cheek had his head resting on her shoulder listening to everything around him as she talked about what she wanted to do when they got back to the others already knowing he had planned the day trying to get him to tell her something about to night but he smiled shaking his head

It was all going to be a surprise and even with her begging to just get a clue he pecked her lips shaking his head not going to give away anything so he could see that shock in her eyes when she got to see it

They just sat there holding each other sharing kisses and loving affections until she wanted to go back to the kids grumbling lightly wanting his wife to get some time to just enjoy the quiet but knew the guys were bound to come up to jump off into the water below sooner or later

Finally with a few more kisses he gave taking her back to the family loving the walk back more as she moved to get a few flowers to make a flower crown for their daughters picking a purple wild flower to put in her hair before coming to the waters edge

April and Casey had looked to have made it finally before noticing Derrick must have arrived shortly after him and his wife had wondered off having a splash battle with the twin women

Having kicked off his boots on shore his jeans were soaked and Jo was out in the water with Mikey holding onto his shell as he swam to attack the leader who was floating on his back looking to have dosed off chuckling as their children came running to get their mother having escape their Aunt

He all out laughed harder then he had in weeks at the sight of Angel wearing Raphael’s sunglasses to cover her blind eyes laying out on the blanket by the infants she was watching her wings stretched wide with each baby cuddled into her soft feathers not seeming to be sleeping but was still probably keeping track of everyone there in her minds eye

Momma had made it to spend the day with her favorite adopted daughter, her sitting off to the side grinning as the two women attacked Derrick tackling him into the shallow water when he dropped his guard them giggling wildly as he sputtered but sighed ripping off the shirt he was wearing going to just swim even if he hadn’t planned to actually get in

Raph looked to have finally convinced Red to try to get in the water keeping a good eye on him to be sure he didn’t accidently go under waving to them when he realized they were back

Leatherhead per usual had the older kids and was letting them ride on his back Killian holding onto Rose so she didn’t fall in since she wasn’t the strongest swimmer just yet but once they were closer to shore they took turns jumping in and swimming around until he stopped to let them get back up

Seeing as everyone was having a blast he grabbed up Ashley taking her in for a bit more fun hearing her squeal at the cool water he dunked her in until she was holding onto him as he swam her out to his massive brothers

Red was grinning when he saw the redhead and Donnie happily let her go to him for a bit as he went to help Mikey prank his older brother who was ignoring him completely both jumping the older turtle dunking in fully under the surface

Leo had been fully asleep and given his trauma from the whole lake attack a week after Red had gone missing he panicked thrashing around and yelling once he was back up, it would have seemed he hadn’t appreciated the sudden wake up call but got the expected outcome of him chasing them diving under to escape the leader before he pounced on Mikey

He waited a few minutes before resurfacing a good ways away from his brothers seeing Raph had joined in on the fun once he was out of the way and Ashley was keeping an eye on their brother going out a bit further to explore but staying where his feet could touch the bottom

Another hour in and he sighed in relief seeing Angel finally getting up to get in the water once each of the babies had been moved and the older woman was watching over them with his father slowly swimming out to be with Raph who hadn’t seen her coming until she was on his arm nuzzling at him

He had really thought she would stay on the shore all day but was glad to see she felt good enough to actually swim out even if she had no energy after it still gave him hope she was going to get better

Eventually the kids joined them where they were out in the deeper water wanting to swim with their parents not only cause it looked like fun, of course they all knew the massive croc needed to do yet another quick sweep of the area to be sure it was safe given he kept doing it every thirty minutes but also to get a break as well so seeing the kids had the males chuckling

Each slid off as the crocodile passed them getting to their daddy’s

None of them let the kids go no matter how great their swimming skills could be each of their fathers kept a hand on them, Raph having the hardest time given his three spent more time in the water with their mother then all the other children they had wonderful experience and loved going under to look for treasures but it didn’t make it any less scary

His daughters being out in the deep water made him move closer to the others so he could stand to watch them holding Rose’s hand the whole time she was there chuckling as she floated on her shell just like her aunt had taught her smiling happily at him as he pulled her around

Once Leo had his daughter with Angel he was racing Mikey to the drop off cliff knowing the two would likely get all of them up there by the end of the day hearing the cheers minutes later as Leo bolted over the side of the forty foot drop off having to tell his wife no when she gave him that look wanting to go like he had let her the last two years

After a while Killian somehow slipped away from his dad to get Rose so they could play, it was noticeable the smile on both his and Raphael’s faces as the boy took extra care to hold onto the smaller girl so she could swim the short distance to his father who laughed seeing how calm the girl was when his boy was there

Donnie glancing over to see the warm smile on Ashley’s face that had to match his told him both knew she was in good hands letting Lily swim beside him even if his eyes didn’t leave her for too long – that was until Leo grabbed him to get his revenge for pranking him turning it into an all out water wrestling with all their brother’s as their mates laughed clearing the children from the area knowing it would get out of hand

Seeing the bigger males acting like they did had the kids giggling and cheering on their dad’s to win

He at one point got the best of Leo but Raph jumping in right after had been his undoing cause the second the massive turtle had him caught the other’s ganged up on him

It started out as just sparring but quickly became all of them trying to dunk the others under the water

The birthday girl stepping in was the only reason Mikey hadn’t gotten the chance to drown him but it didn’t stop Raph from throwing the genius once the redhead’s back was turned

They stayed out there until the sun was just above the horizon before calling for everyone to get out to dry off glad their friends had brought down more towels for the others given somehow a few had been turned into floaties by the children who had thought it was hilarious when they actually wouldn’t float

Most of them drip dried while the girls dried off the children sending a look to his friend when he silently asked if the stuff for tonight was there before his eyes caught the women all ogling the man Angel smiling even if she couldn’t see it was clear Ashley was telling her everything in great detail

Of course his queen would be enjoying this shooting her a playful glare as she stuck her tongue out at him but what did he expect the wife stealer was her boss at the vet clinic and as he had accepted a while back – her work husband

She did it on purpose to make him jealous

His brother’s growling when they noticed had everyone laughing knowing the girls were just trying to get some affection and what worked better then making them more then just a little green

Red with the help of Leo loaded the kids in the wagon after all their stuff was in the other while Raph took Master Splinter and Mary back to the cabin Angel and the twins following them with the older children who were making sure the angel didn’t trip by tapping a stick so she knew it was clear

Mikey being overly affectionate with Jo as they all headed home had him tapping his baby brother to focus given if they needed help getting ‘anyone’ back to the cabin he had to carry her but they had agreed to let her go as far as she could before they had to step in

And after seeing she was okay he was right back to flirting with his mate as if she wasn’t already his

Shockingly Angel got a good ways before having to rest Raph stopping worried she had over done it making Ashley go to her side offering to help but when she tried to say she was fine he rolled his eyes handing off his son to Joanna and scooping up the woman even with her arguing for a good minute and a half on how she didn’t need carried around

He tuned it out letting her get it out until she soon fell silent making him realize she had passed out too easily against him cooing snidely in a teasing tone

“Awww… look at the sweet baby- threw her little tantrum now she’s sleeping like a good girl”

His brother’s laughing when they saw it too had him grinning but before he could even say another word Ashley gave him that look knowing she was overly protective of her sister meant he had to behave unless he wanted her to get him

He would bide his time well, the redhead was in the best mood today so he just had to wait to get in those little jabs later but given his friend was the oldest out of all of them and acted like a child while sick making his job of caring for her harder he had been treating her like a child lately

For Ashley’s birthday he had tried to hold off but this was set up so beautifully an just seemed too easy

Walking into the house they all left their stuff on the porch to dry while he headed for the stairs cradling the sleeping woman figuring a nap couldn’t hurt her while they got the night going before Ashley’s birthday dinner when they would get her up again seeing his wife drop on the couch happily curling up on the cushions as the kids started their favorite movie to watch with her

They had about an hour and he still had to go get the wood for tonight from the side of the house knowing the massive brother’s were going to start moving the tables and chairs to their favorite spot just outback so they weren’t too far from the kids after they had to go to bed

He thought he was a safe distance looking around the room when Raphael hadn’t came to take her from him knowing for that moment he was safe

Leo seeing his playful gleam started shaking his head silently mouthing in order to tell him no and motioning for him not to do it given this was going to go two ways one not ideal the other - worth it

Rule number one when it came to a pregnant Ash… don’t push your luck

Rule number two … make her laugh and rule one was out the window faster then Mikey when he heard the word ‘cleaning’

Oh, he loved to push cause she was feisty and it was cute when she got her revenge and meant later when they were alone she would make him pay dearly

That bedroom was going to be locked once the night ended and he knew one of them wouldn’t be walking tomorrow

He hoped it was him cause Leo had already been talking about his new training regiment for the team earlier and he was trying to skip that at all cost to reduce his risk of dying on another too freaking far run before they even got started

 “My love, why don’t you rest then go change into something more comfortable while I put the baby to bed… she’s so cute when she-” he ducked as she said his name in shock trying not to laugh throwing one of the smaller pillows at him trying to get onto him as Mikey and Red lost it only finding it funnier that the movement only made the woman hold onto his tighter but she didn’t even flinch baby talking his friend who was knocked out cold “But she looks like an angel when she’s sleeping like this… just look at her, so innocent and sweet - even though she’s a nightmare the devil is scared shitless of”

Raph and Leo’s laughter followed him up those steps as his wife started to her feet already laughing harder then he had thought she would saying his full name making him go faster snorting out his laughter as he retreated

Getting her in the bed had been too easy once he got her to release him; he covered her up with the blanket Raph had knitted her making a pillow bumper to surround the curled up body and giving her a stuffed toy placing one of the kids bottles and pacifier close by taking a picture that was now going to forever be his caller ID photo for the woman sending a group message to his family

Hey look, Angel does have a baby picture

Seconds later hearing the several chimes and Mikey’s cell playing some stupid meme he had programmed to tell him when he got a notification going off had him closing the door before the other’s were howling and cussing between their laughter

He came down those stairs beaming proudly seeing his wife leaning on the back of the couch unable to tell him what an ass he was and two of his brother’s on the floor, Leo unable to breathe had several very confused children just staring at their parents not understanding what was so funny giving him time to hide in the kitchen to start his wife’s favorite dinner

Ten minutes later the other’s could finally breathe and Ashley appeared at his side popping him on the arm with the wooden spoon telling him he better delete that photo but he had neither agreed or disagreed while also planning to make sure it ended up in the slide show for her wedding that was quickly coming up

“It’s a great picture of her to commemorate just how adorable she is when not awake … maybe I should print it off and make a collage with all the pictures I have of all you girls sleeping like babies at the most random times… it would look amazing on your desk at work” another disciplinary pop met his arm gaining his laugh before he was nuzzling up to her in an attempt to butter her up saying he was sorry

He wasn’t in the least given he had his wife smiling so much

With the promise he would delete it later he sent her to rest making sure she was out of earshot then sending the others to get the rest of the stuff for tonight handing off her gifts he had snuck up from the lab to be hidden in the back of his friend’s truck

Raven and Faith still red from laughing had come to help him get dinner done one getting the salad and veggies done while the other was in charge of making the sides getting it done in no time and having everyone not currently watching the children or growing a child set the table placing the flowers in the center

Dinner for the most part was peaceful him keeping the straightest face as Angel made it down stairs just after they had called them to come eat her glare obvious as she stepped into the room asking who had baby proofed her bed which set off a whole new fit of laughter from the family

So far the day was going to plan but he never held his hopes it would stay that way anymore given something was bound to happen he stayed blissfully optimistic but as dinner ended and the other’s started to get antsy to head outside without his wife noticing he realized for once today was going to go off without a cinch

He kept Ashley distracted by pulling her down into the lab to help him with something when his phone alarmed acting like his system was getting an update as Derrick and Red carried out the cake shooing the family behind her back just as he made it to the door down to the basement to hurry

He waited until everything upstairs had fallen quiet before nonchalantly suggesting they go out to enjoy the beautiful night together chuckling when she looked around not seeing anyone after making it upstairs him keeping a straight face looking around as if he was confused but took her hand mumbling they must have gone to get the kids cleaned up for bed

Her look told him she was onto him but she followed him out the door anyways smiling when they saw the area alit with the outdoor fairy lights and a fire going making her smile

He definitely wouldn’t be able to keep surprising her like this given she would start to figuring him out but for now he could hope she didn’t so he could keep seeing that smile just the same as her first birthday they spent together

Mikey and Red were already indulging in s’mores with the kids keeping them from getting too close to the flames when Ashley made it to their side taking her seat on the bench he had made just after they had come here seeing her having fun with his family as he stood back

They did presents once everyone was seated around the fire with the kids playing on the ground with their toys after the women had put the babies down for the night just grinning as everyone watched her open each with a smile

Derrick thankfully hadn’t brought any new pets like he did a bit too often from his office but had gotten her a new tote bag purse to carry her stuff in to work

The kids had all made her handmade items for her to decorate her area at the office so she could always see them while she was at work

Momma was beaming when the woman opened the envelope she had handed her with a certificate to her friend’s solon so she could get her hair and nails done again whenever she wanted to

Her showing off the new clothes and shoes the twins got her from their favorite store in town made the genius whistle unable to wait until he could see her wear them in person

Leo having got her some new books she had been looking forward to reading was talking about them possibly going to the bookstore in the coming weeks to see if there was anything new coming out they could enjoy together

Raph had carved her a wooden turtle and knitted her a new blanket given her daughters had stolen hers once they got their new room to keep mommy close

Angel, to her own credit given she was completely blind, had made Ashley a leather bound book for her to write in with a sigil in gold paint where it had been burned into the cover to honor her as a gifted so she could keep up with her training

Mikey being himself had made the redhead a necklace that was in the same bag as a beautiful wind chime his girlfriend had hand made with crystals secured around the top

Red having found his favorite new hobby of baking with the girls had managed to convince their human friends to take him to town getting her what she had been looking at for a while; a new set of baking dishes to replace the ones they had used for years these having purple accents and flowers around the outside and already the woman was planning so many things she could make using the thoughtful gift

His gift had been left for last seeing her eyeing him as she ripped into the paper opening the box wondering what he had done for her this year

His smile was unmistakable at hearing her gasp when she found a new laptop he had made with his wife in mind; hers had been on its last leg for a while with her refusing to let him fix it because ‘it was still running and did what she needed’ even though it was nearly ancient in his opinion but unfortunately had bit the dust a month ago when the girls had accidentally somehow gotten their hands on it and dropped it down the stairs – twice after trying to go hide in back in her bag the first time

This one was a bit more durable with lots of storage space, after working tirelessly he had finally managed to get all her stuff off the last one including all her pictures she had been so upset about thinking she had lost them saving them to a flash drive he had put up to make sure she had a copy just in case anything happened to it

She had been in shock for the longest time before he was getting practically jumped and kissed laughing as she gushed he had done too much but for him it was far from it

He could work too much and everyone knew he had a bad tendency to get lost in projects which often left his wife on her own but she wasn’t one to hold that against him

If she needed him, just wanted his time or some affection she always was able to pull him from his work almost too easily and if he was too deep in his stuff she sent the kids to get him cause they had their ways as well

Once all the gifts had been given and she was done adoring every single one the family gathered to spend time together Leatherhead bringing the cake over as they all sang to her and let her blow out her candles sheering as she made her wish

The kids were all too eager for their cake Killian finishing his slice before sneaking over and getting it down rest while the grown ups were talking, the kids giggling as they got caught eating it with their hands making a few of them gather up the young ones to get them cleaned up and ready for bed

A much easier task then expected given the long day meant the kids were exhausted no matter how much sugar they had just had, Donnie tucked in both his girls kissing them good night as they curled up with no resistance before he made sure their nightlight was on

He stepped out the door first to find Ashley was sitting on a bench where she had been watching the fire and in his spot her sister leaned on her shoulder just listening as the others talked and chatting softly over their plans for when Raph and the woman finally decided to tie the knot for real

Even though they were seen as husband and wife they had been putting the wedding off for so long for more important matters in their lives neither wanted to push the matter, they had even talked about having the wedding a few weeks after his but like always something had come up and it was hard not to feel as if time was running out for them

But despite it all he had a feeling it wouldn’t be long now given the way Raph had been talking and planning

As they sat there not seeing he was back he smiled just happy his wife had found a sisterly bond that was so strong even their enemies wouldn’t be able to break it; they were the others rock and listening ear when dealing with their own issues they turned to one another before any one else

Sometimes she went to her sister before even coming to him and that was perfectly fine, he knew when it was time she would come to him eventually and could even laugh now at the memories of how much trouble they got into in the past while silently dealing with something him and his brother’s could have helped with

The incident where Ashley had been captured – yeah, it spoke volumes and proved how deep their bond could be

Sure, Ash had a wonderful relationship with both Raven and Faith but her bond with Angel was so different, the two were so close anyone who met them would have never believed for a second they weren’t really related hoping she got to have that bond for years to come despite everything that was going on

He didn’t want to ever see their friendship end

He moved closer patting Angel’s back as she shifted to get up after feeling him coming close rather then anyone announcing he was back, silently telling her to stay before he took his place on the other chair beside the redhead holding her hand in his not having the heart to make the angel move seeing her curl back up against her sister

Mikey at some point had brought out the radio once the kids were asleep and instantly the adult part of her party began

Master Splinter seeing they were about to get rowdy offered Derrick’s mom to accompany him inside for tea before they turned in for the evening

They kept that fire going through the night having a blast playing games, jamming out to songs they liked, and listening to the remember when stories they told that for some of them were completely embarrassing to hear but it got a good laugh

Raph and Casey finally getting Derrick to drink with them turned into them doing shots of whatever their human friend had brought with him to see who would be standing at the end of the night and like always to no surprise Casey caved first passing out in a chair and becoming the victim to Mikey and a permanent marker none of them would admit Angel had tossed to him

Each of them took turns drawing on the man’s face and although the redhead had gotten onto them while laughing at the massive dick Raph had put on his friends forehead Donnie grinned with pride when she added her own drawing on his cheek and Angel drew on a curled mustache with a monocle with help of course

The twins after getting Leo to relax took turns loving on him even teasing until the leader had no choice but to get his hands on both

Raph being in a good mood and obviously carrying a good buzz after drinking with his buddies had pulled Angel to her feet holding her against him as a song came on the radio that had her smiling; holding her in his arms just lost in the moment

Knowing his brother didn’t do it often for his bride to be even when she asked for it only meant she was getting one of those oh so rare memories she was going to treasure forever

Ashley given him that look had him following suit chucking as he spun and dipped her gently hearing the catcalls but he loved dancing with his wife so he could see her beaming brightly just like at their wedding

As they shared an intimate moment April and the other women packed up the food and took what the kids hadn’t eaten of the cake inside getting Mikey and Red to take down the tables so they didn’t get up tomorrow to find the wild canines had found a new perch

It was close to four in the morning when he noticed the energy of the party had depleted and they were out of firewood, Mikey had stolen Joanna away to go back to his room when she started yawning and at some point Leo and the twin women had slipped away to who knew where but it was no doubt they were having their own bit of fun

Seeing his wife starting to nod off against her sleeping sister he grinned watching Raph pick up his mate taking her inside to get her ready for bed as he got to his feet stretching out his limbs and putting out the fire, he had turned to tell his wife they needed to go inside but just melted at the sight before him

Ashley pouted and held out her arms wanting carried and how could he say no when she looked so cute

With no effort on his part he lifted her into his arms cradling her body as both arms surrounded his neck kissing her head then headed inside and up to their room helping her get comfortable and under the covers starting to go finish cleaning up but she caught his wrist

“My love, I need to go make sure everything is cleaned up and the food isn’t on the counters… probably check on the kids-”

He had seen that sleepy half gaze pleading him with just her beautiful eyes more then once in their relationship and knew he wasn’t leaving unless he wanted her getting up and following him

“Or – I could just message one of the others … tell them that somebody is holding me hostage in our room” he joked pulling out his phone to message Leo who he knew was still up while kicking off his shoes and getting into his sleep pants, grumbling playfully at her victorious smirk before he was in bed pulling the covers over the both of them with her nestling up into his arms hearing the notification probably answering his request

She lifted her head only enough to kiss him before her head was tucked into his neck sighing happily as he played with her hair absentmindedly to help her relax

“Did my queen have a good birthday?” she hummed softly in response but not a second later her deep breathing caught his hearing chuckling as he nuzzled her head petting her hair down “I will take that as a conformation… Happy Birthday baby and sweet dreams” he whispered softly closing his eyes starting to drift off not getting up until he had too knowing come morning life would continue and be as hectic as always; he might have to work on something in the lab to stay caught up or fix whatever Mikey had broke at some point today

That meant pulling his wife into spending some time alone down in his area before taking her up to the cabin for the next few days to relax… and he was really looking forward to that

But then again – that’s what he loved about this life knowing he'd get to do it with his Ashy

[kolbisneat]

MONTHLY MEDIA: August 2023

Ugh where did the summer go?

……….FILM……….

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem (2023) Artwork, story, and the turtles' characterization were all 10/10 for me. Big turtle fan so that's already enough for me to like this. But for me, the writing was real weak. The supporting mutants didn't really have much personality and the comedy really only relied on pop references. Was Mondo Gecko a surprise favourite? Probably because he had a lot of personality and his funny moments were from that characterization and not from a name drop. I love the ninja turtles so maybe I'm too close to this. All I'm saying is that this was fun and good and I hope a sequel gets made so that the other mutants can be given a little more depth.

Nimona (2023) Really great! Some of the earlier scenes felt...visually empty...but that third act more than makes up for it. A different beast than the comic but a great example of adapting for the medium. Really beautiful on all levels.

The Report (2019) I came into this a little late (apparently missing all the torture scenes so no complaints) but it all made sense to me! It really committed to the chronology of events but did a good job of showing the consequences/contradictions between sides. But I mean was it a good movie? It felt like a full story and the acting was great so I guess so. I dunno I always find based-on-real-life movies to be tricky.

……….TELEVISION……….

Poker Face (Episode 1.01 to 1.06) I love everything about this show. Its structure (Columbo-style where you see the murder first and then watch it get solved), its cast (mystery-of-the-week means rotating characters with Natasha Lyonne as the excellent anchor), and its style (from the fashion to the title credits)...everything is a swing and it nearly all lands for me.

Jury Duty (Episode 1.05 to 1.08) The premise never got tired and the ending is such a great cap to the season. Really recommend and the show really did luck out in getting Ronald Gladden as the lead.

……….YOUTUBE……….

toy movies for adults forever by Caleb Gamman and Feeling Cynical About Barbie by Broey Deschanel Hey I loved the Barbie movie and I think it's okay to be critical of the media we love. Neither of these felt like they were simply taking on the big fun successful movie for the sake of being contrarian and raised a lot of thoughtful points. VIDEO (Caleb Gamman) VIDEO (Broey Deschanel)

No Way Home Was Kind of Sexist by CJ The X Without spoiling the main thesis of this video, I really appreciate how they encapsulated the third movie. It truly does stand apart from the other two movies and it's a shame business got in the way of this trilogy sticking the landing. VIDEO

When a DEEP Character Pretends to be SHALLOW… (Hobie Brown) by schnee Ha really digging into Spider-Man vids this month and I really enjoyed the character breakdown. Schnee has a lot of great writing-based videos and I recommend checking them out.

……….READING……….

Jingo by Terry Pratchett (Complete) Always enjoy Discoworld novels centred around the Watch but I wasn't sure if the main thrust of the book was going to be...you know...a little racist? Turns out I had very little to worry about as it sends up most tropes and perspectives in a lighthearted-yet-sensitive way. Gosh I love this series.

Batman: White Knight by Sean Murphy & Matt Hollingsworth (Complete) Started this as single issues years ago but never finished...until now! Rereading, I realized I fell off because the politics were a little wonky at the beginning and reading "gatekeepers" over and over again kinda lost me. But having now finished it, it mostly worked, but I'm just a sucker for a story that can bring in a big cast of villains to fight at the climactic finale. Lots of cool ideas so I'll likely check out more from this world.

Lure by Lane Milburn (Complete) Slice of life with some light sci-fi elements and a lot of commentary. It's beautiful and it stuck with me but I think I was expecting something more psychedelic or surreal so it didn't quite land with me. But that's okay it was still an engaging read.

Ultimate Spider-Man Volume 9 (Hardcover) by Brian Michael Bendis, Mark Bagley, Stuart Immonen, and more (Complete) Big Spider-Man month. I always liked this take on the clone saga and while it means there's only a small amount of Ultimate Scorpion, it's memorable. This stretch really does a great job of blending the big drama with the personal stakes (dating MJ & Kitty Pryde! Aunt May finding out Peter is Spider-Man!). Also very excited to get into Immonen's run as his work is just...so good.

……….AUDIO……….

Self Titled by Dead Man's Bones (2009) After seeing BARBIE I was reminded that Ryan Gosling's spooky rock album and it's not fair how good this is. Like it doesn't have any right to have this much personality and charm.

……….GAMING……….

Oz: A Fantasy Role-Playing Setting (Andrews McMeel Publishing) The Tuesday Crew is busy in the mines fighting back the dangerous Dragonettes (full recap here) while the Mof1 Crew is dealing with the aftermath of taking out a Gingerbread mob boss!

Snakes of Wrath (Weast Coast) Finally got my kickstarter copy of the game and can't recommend it enough! It took a few plays to get into the groove of what you can and can't do, along with sorting out the strategy, but it's a nice breezy game with beautiful art and good quality tiles. Big fan.

And that's it! See you in September!

[abeat]

30 - Amity

At last. After much hiding, dreading and more personal social interaction than she ever had the stomach for, at last, the thirtieth day of the curse of the corsage had come. She only had to last until the end of the day and it should fall off and then she could finally resume her normal adventuring life. Once she had recovered from her last misadventure, Lavender had decided to hide out at her free company house for a short while, interacting only with people she knew well. Such as her sisters, Joey and her many other friends she had met through Fortunes and Fancies.

Also Syo.

Even though the corsage had never affected the viera man, Lavender did enjoy how friendship seemed to have blossomed between them. While she never would have minded if the corsage had affected him, she found herself enjoying his company and the many conversations with him. He had a talent for putting her at ease and making her laugh. He also enjoyed drinking the way she did, which was nice, although he did not let her get too drunk. Though after her last drinking escapade she could not blame him.

Today on the final day of the dreaded curse, she decided to stay inside, just in case the last day was meant to be the worst. Although the knock at her door made her drag herself out of bed.

“Be right there!” Lavender called out as she pulled herself out of bed, straightened her ears, fixed her hair, donned her favourite red dress and applied the shade of lipstick that spoke most to her today. Once she felt presentable enough she went to the door to find out where the curse would take her today.

Only to find herself face to face with a squawky blonde miqo’te.

“Cecille! What are you doing here?”

Cecille put her hands on her hips. “Waiting for you, slowpoke!! Geeze what were you doing, ironing your dress??”

Lavender narrowed her eyes. “If you were a proper lady you would understand that a lady must look presentable!”

“If it means I’m going to be slower than molasses then forget it! Anyway, I came to pick you up.”

The viera woman blinked. “Pick me up? For what? I don’t think it’s a great idea for me to go outside today..”

Cecille inflated her cheeks with air, making them look puffed up. “I wouldn’t fall for you, curse or no, even if I was into incest! You’ll be fine for one whole day. Now come on! They’re waiting for us!”

In true Cecille fashion, the miqo’te decided what was best without input from anyone else. She put a hand on Lavender’s wrist and somehow overpowered her enough to start dragging her off. Lavender barely had time to lock the door behind her as her sister dragged her off.

“What do you mean they’re waiting for us? Where are we going now, Cecille?”

The miqo’te glanced back at her older, taller sister with a mischievous smile on her face. “It’s a surprise!”

Lately Lavender hated surprises. Especially when they entailed things like enchanted love-potion-esque corsages or wrapped gift boxes exploding.

-

By the time Cecille released her grip on her sister, Lavender realized the much smaller woman had dragged her out east of the Cedarwood in Lower La Noscea. Just between the windmills there was a perfectly placed ambush.

Of Joey, her sisters, and what seemed to be a picnic.

“Surprise!” Cecille spread her arms wide, welcoming the confused viera woman.

“What is this?” Lavender blinked at her sister.

“I just told you it’s a surprise!” Cecille pouted at her sister.

“It’s also a picnic in case Cecille didn’t give you a memo,” said Joey, waving Lavender over.

Cecille turned to the only other viera in the vicinity and ran over to him, wrapping her arms around his chest. “Eee, Joey!”

Joey returned the smile and received the miqo’te in his arms, wrapping her in a tight embrace. “Sweet Cecille!” he cooed back, smothering her in kisses.

The blond miqo’te kissed back happily, her tail forming a happy question mark as she did so. Lavender could tell that the world had instantly faded away around her sister and Joey, as Cecille became lost in their embrace.

The viera woman politely looked away, not wanting to intrude on their happy moment. A moment later, she had a face full of smoke.

“Heard you were cursed or something. You all right?” a small dunesfolk lalafell asked her. The small one had a pipe in one hand as she blew smoke out of her mouth.

“Yeah, I’m all right.” Lavender replied as she waved her hand in front of her face to shoo the smoke away. “How are you, Cammy?”

“Better before you called me that.” her sister scowled at her. “It’s Camellia damn it.”

“But Cammy is so cute!!” Lavender gushed, kneeling down to pet her youngest sister, who was now also her shortest sister.

“Bite me.” Camellia replied as she blew more smoke out of her pipe. “Anyway, glad you’re all right and stuff. Why didn’t you ask me? You know I love this sort of thing.”

“If Joey couldn’t break it, what makes you think you could?”

Joey broke off kissing Cecille ever so briefly to respond. “She could. She’s the curse expert after all,” he said and resumed smothering his wife in kisses and cuddles like he had never stopped.

“See?” Camellia gestured to the viera man wrapped around her unusually quiet miqo’te sister. Evidently Cecille could be quiet for kisses and cuddles from her husband.

“Well, where was I supposed to find you? You’re usually off in the far yonder doing who knows what.” Lavender asked.

“…fair. At least thirty days is up now? Or something?” Camellia continued with her business-like interrogation. “Did you ever figure out who did it?”

Lavender shook her head. “Haven’t seen her since it happened.”

“I wonder if she’s tracking you or something..” Camellia mused.

“I doubt it.” spoke a very soft voice, which was also the most commanding one around besides Joey. An au ra xaela that kept her hair in two neat little braids hidden under a big, fluffy blue hat. Reading a book of course. “If she wanted something with Lavender by now, she probably would have shown up by now.”

Lavender turned to her other younger sister. “I’m surprised you came out of Gubal for this, Hol.”

Holly looked with her eyes full of stars. “I love it there! I will never tire of exploring it. Although Alex and I are going out later so I wanted to stop by Limsa along the way. I also heard what you were going through lately and wanted to come keep you company.” She did something unusual for Holly - she actually closed her book. “You should have said something sooner. At least I promise not to fall in love with you.”

“I’m sure Alex would be thrilled if you did. Thank you though, Hol, I appreciate it.” Lavender stuck her tongue out at her sister.

Holly simply gave her most impish smile before she turned and gestured to a picnic basket. “Anyway, Reo and I helped Joey put together this basket. Although he did all the cooking and I just put it together in the basket. We wanted you to have a nice day today.”

Lavender looked to where her sister had pointed, now that her sister had decided the conversation was over. She saw a giant picnic basket that seemed to be full to bursting with food, along with a collection of teapots and bottles around it. She could not help but smile. “Awwww…you went through all that trouble for me?”

“You’re never trouble, Chef, and you’re the best. I’m sure I speak for everyone when I say everyone agrees. Never forget that.”

“Awww…thank you, Sous Chef.” Lavender smiled at her dear friend.

Only to be quickly interrupted by the squawky blonde miqo’te. Now that she was not occupied by her husband, she returned to her usual self. “My husband is the best!” Cecille grinned from ear to ear. “Anyway, enough talking. Let’s eat!”

-

Once the picnic basket had been unpacked and they had all been fed and watered, Lavender found herself drinking a cup of her favourite oolong tea as she watched her sisters banter about something or the other. It was such a frequent occurrence whenever they were near each other that Lavender gave up trying to keep track of it all a long time ago. She rested her teacup on her knee and put her right hand on the ground to steady herself, simply watching her sisters. She could not remember the last time she had felt so peaceful.

“Here, Chef. Just in case your wrist feels naked after this month.” Joey handed something over to Lavender–something small enough to fit the palm of his hand and remain undetected. He tilted his palm downwards so he could drop it in Lavender’s hand. At least, that was his intention.

Lavender felt the object drop on her hand. She brought it closer to her so she could examine it more closely. It seemed to be a simple bracelet made of red and blue thread woven together.

“It’s a friendship bracelet,” said Joey. “To symbolize… our friendship.” He made a ticking noise of a counter going upwards, but Lavender wasn’t sure what that noise was about exactly. “Or to remember this month. Or… whatever. But yeah. Its intended purpose is the friendship thing. I wanted to make something as a reminder that you’re never alone. I also made one for myself.” He held up his left wrist to show an identical bracelet.

“Oh, Sous Chef…thank you. I love it.” Lavender smiled warmly at her friend, looking down at his matching bracelet. “I…eh heh…no idea what to say.” she smiled down at the precious gift he had given her. ‘Not alone..’

How long had she felt that way? Her entire existence, she had always felt as though she had to be the strong one. The responsible one. The one who had to carry on and keep everyone moving forward. For her own sake and the sake of her sisters. Coming to Eorzea had given her a new lease on life, although she had retained her usual tendencies to cling to her relationships to give her something to hold onto. She had made many a poor choice before, with alcohol and with men, and she had done many things she still deeply regretted.

Mostly to fill the void of loneliness that had plagued her most of her life.

Looking down at friendship bracelet that Joey had given her, she realized something. She might have felt lonely, but she had never really been alone. She had always had her friends and family, the people who had stuck with her in spite of her bad decisions in life and other shenanigans.

She did have love in her life. She always had. The thought made her smile as she looked at Joey, her dear friend, and her ridiculous sisters. All of whom she would go into the deepest, darkest depths of hell and back. As she thought about how lucky she managed to be in life, she noticed a red petal fly by her. Lavender wondered where the stray petal had come from when she looked to see that the corsage that had ensnared her left wrist for the past month had started falling apart. Rather than float towards the cliff where they were sitting, the petals floated upwards suddenly. Lavender looked up to see the petals were heading back towards the top of one of the nearby wind mills. Her eyes went wide at what she saw.

A small, random hyur woman perched on top one of the wind mills. The Envoy of Love had returned. Before Lavender could call attention to the random hyur woman, or even wonder how she had crawled up a wind mill when she was so tiny, there was a brief flash of light, forcing Lavender to close her eyes. When Lavender could open her eyes again, she wondered why no one else had reacted to the sudden flash of light. Although that was not the only surprising thing.

On top of the wind mill, the small hyur woman had been replaced by another hyur-looking woman, only she wore a combination of silver and blue, which made her look young and very, very beautiful. Even her blue hair kept in pigtails only served to add to her allure.

Lavender felt her eyes widen as the beautiful woman, the Envoy of Love, also known as Menphina, the Lover, simply winked at Lavender, holding up a finger to her lips before she vanished into the wind.

The viera woman decided she would never, ever curse her luck ever again as long as she lived. The last thing she needed was to draw the attention of deities. Lavender could not tear her eyes away from where Menphina had been, still scarcely believing what her eyes and her brain were telling her had happened. Had she been able to tear her eyes away, she might have noticed another handsome blond viera approaching the happy scene, carrying a tiger lily.

-

Thank you to @adeat for Reonora, Joey and Syo, in this prompt and all the others this month! I could not have done it without you! :D

[kbrecycling-blog]

Old Love Song

I used to listen to a song on my morning commute to work--my old morning commute to work from Evanston to Winnetka, not my current one-minute commute from Glencoe to Glencoe. If you know me, you know that I tend towards a repetitive (some might call it incessant) listening style. Not since Landslide junior year of college did I play and replay a song like this. 

Today I was waiting for Bo to make the short run across the street from his baseball practice to the car. It was pouring and the minutes ticked by and I had run out of cold case podcasts and Ringer podcasts and Pod Save Americas so I switched to Spotify and tried to remember the names of songs I used to love. Sometimes my brain is capable of producing a name–a title, a former acquaintance, a piece of knowledge –but more and more frequently, it’s a fifty-fifty shot. This is just one way I feel the passage of time lately. Others include my growing ignorance of (and subsequent awkwardness attempting to use) current slang, and my stubborn reliance on mid-twenty aughts Shopbop trends as the fashion world passes me by. Anyway, I wanted to listen to that song, the one I listened to pretty much every morning on the way to work, Highway 20 Ride by Zac Brown Band.

Those commutes often included a stop at my fertility clinic for a blood draw or ultrasound, which I of course wrote about exhaustively (and exhaustingly) during that time of my life. That made the song a weird mantra choice as it’s about a father looking back on the bi-monthly drives he took visiting his son, who lived with his ex-wife. I was, of course, desperately trying to create a child–a family–with my very un-ex husband (and still going strong today thank you). The sadness and the loss of the lyrics resonated with me, as I tended to feel that sense of loss deeply myself even though nothing had really been lost, just not yet found. But I’ve always been like that; I’ve always aged myself and my experiences prematurely, mourning weeks, months, and years before they’ve passed, claiming the age I’ll turn on my next birthday before I turn it. I don’t know why. When I was young and more fun and could wear a string bikini top as a bra, it felt like a facet of my personality that was poetic and unexpected. Now that I’m closer to fifty than forty, it just feels like rushing. 

The line that moved me most back then was “And my whole world, it begins and ends with you.” Oh how I wanted a baby that could begin and end my world back then. But today it hit different (see I told you it’s awkward). How can I be someone whose whole world begins and ends with my son? What does that mean when he’s about to be halfway to his thirteenth birthday, when sometime in the past year I realized that protecting him from the disappointment, hardness, and pain of the real world is no longer in his best interest, and actually (in my opinion) in the opposite of his best interest if we want him to become an independent and mindful adult one day? When one day soon he’ll be moving on to the next part of his life beyond this house? Then what? 

Hearing that song today reminded me of the passage of time again. Words that meant one thing now mean something else; words of longing for the future now mean longing for the past. Or soon-to-be past. See? Rushing. 

I recently had an experience that led me to consider how much I’ve changed since I became a wife and, eventually, a mother. Have I lost a lot of who I was? Have I gained enough to justify that? There was a time when I’d sleep on the floor of a rented tent at the Metroparks without a second thought, or spend the night lying on the rocks that stretched from the shore of Lake Michigan. Now I can’t fall asleep in a hotel bed without a Xanax because it creeps me out thinking of all the people who have used the pillow before me. That’s a superficial example, but you get the idea. If I ever had wanderlust–and that is debatable–I’ve misplaced it. My world has narrowed–happily, I have to say–but what happens when my narrowed walls house only me? 

I deleted and re-typed that last line a few times. It’s not how I want to sound, but it’s what I feel. Getting older, for me, means losing the shiny (if I do say so myself) package that contained my complicated, sometimes even dark, interior. I have always worried about my balance; when I was younger, I was sunnier on the outside.

When I wrote about my experiences with infertility fifteen years ago, I almost always had an ending–not always upbeat, but something I could take from what I’d written to move forward with. When I write now, I’m somehow less sure of what I want. Like my instant recall, sometimes it’s quick and clear, and other times I can’t quite grasp what it is that’s missing. Maybe my nostalgia when I listened to Zac Brown today was less for the song itself and more for who I was when I used to listen to it. For what was going through my mind back then, for the clear and powerful certainty of what I wanted.

[gucciwins]

Are you Angel?

Harry gets hurt while on the job and Y/N gets a phone call she was not prepared for.

Word count: 7413

A/N: hello friends, it's been a while :) this is a continuation to my story Trouble Follows. You don't have to read but it will give you an insight of how Y/N and Harry met. I am thrilled to share more of firefighter harry with you. I adore him and I hope you do as well.

please do let me know what you thought of the story and please reblog! <333

Warnings: angst, breakups, hospitals

A firefighter will always run into a burning building with not a hint of hesitation. All their focus is on saving the people stuck inside.

Running towards trouble is second nature to them.

She knew that.

She also knew what it meant to date a firefighter.

The unreliable hours, the non-frequent communication, the many failed dinner dates. The twenty-four hours shifts when he would then arrive home to just sleep.

Harry had begun to give her a constant comfort that he would eventually come home and climb into bed behind her. He would then gently nuzzle his face in her neck, taking in her sweet honey scent. In contrast, she took in the woody ashy smell that seems to be permanently stained on him.

So trust her when she said she knew what she was in for when Harry asked her to be his girlfriend.

Four months in, she knew she would be here for a long time, maybe forever, if life would allow it.

She was sure; she knew what to expect.

But she didn't, not until she got the call.

The call that would shatter her heart.

The call that would lead her to be sitting in this uncomfortable, ugly brown hospital chair, holding tightly onto his ashy hand. As she prayed on and on to a God, she no longer held close but wished for Harry they were real and would bring Harry back to her.

Y/N prayed for Harry to finally open his eyes and give her a reassuring smile that he would be okay.

That they would be okay.

Until then, she'll wait.

Harry being Lieutenant allowed him to have a consistent schedule. That did not mean there weren't days where he had to pull a double shift or stay back to finish paperwork; he let it pile up.

The one day that was Y/N's was Sunday.

She got him an entire day to lay in bed together and eat all the baked goods she baked for him to try. It was becoming their day. Everyone at the station knew Harry could not be disturbed on Sundays unless it was the end of the world, and even then, they'd have to pry him away from Y/N.

He feels safe in her arms. Harry had never felt that before. Sure, he was surrounded by his firehouse family, but he had never felt so loved in two arms as if she could take all his problems and stresses away. Still, she did exactly that when she would flash him her gorgeous smile and hold her arms open for him to fall into at the end of every day.

Harry knows he's never felt this way, and he won't ever take it for granted.

This Sunday will be different, and she feels it as soon as she wakes up because, in her queen-sized bed, she's alone. No arms wrapped around her waist; no head tucked into her necks as he places soft open kisses to wake her from her sleep gently.

Already, she knows this is going to be a bad day. She feels it in her bones. Having been around trouble for so long, she knows the difference between good and bad. The feelings she has made her want to find Harry and pull him back into bed where she can keep him safe.

Y/N gets out of bed, throwing the warm sheets off her body going to the bathroom to do her morning skin routine, wanting to feel refreshed for when Harry breaks the news; he's going to leave her alone on their day. She knows him well enough; he's cooking her breakfast to make up for leaving her so early in the morning.

She walks out of her bathroom, going straight to her closet and taking out the first sweater she saw. It's a baby blue color and stitched on the left side on top of her heart is: "love me please?" It's Harry's favorite sweater of hers because it's an oversized sweater that fits him well. The only reason she has it back is that he wanted her to wash it and wear it until it got her smell again. Y/N kissed him silly when he told her that, plus she loves that it smells like him now.

Y/N takes one look at her unmade bed and walks away, knowing she's going to crawl back in after Harry leaves her. She walks out and, from the hallway, can hear Harry humming away. If she's honest, she doesn't recognize the song. As she has come to learn, Harry has an interesting taste in music; he has basically heard every song ever to exist. It's a reason they are so good at Four Clovers Thursday Trivia night. She dominates pop culture and films, and Harry takes on music. She's also better at history than him. Their friends love trivia night because their winning always gets them free drinks. It's something she looks forward to each week.

"Morning, H," Y/N says as she approaches him from behind and wraps her arms around his waist. Harry smiles, instantly feeling warm with her arms around him.

"Morning, firebug. Sleep well?"

She mumbles a no, causing Harry to laugh, and she feels it vibrate through her.

"Awe, upset I wasn't wrapped around you." He teases. "I'm making up to you by making breakfast."

She pulls away, spotting blackberries on the counter. "Sure, Jan."

Harry can hear the change in her tone and knows she's still goofing off with him but knows she's upset.

"Angel, come sit. Coffee is ready."

She shakes her head but makes her way over to the chair he pulled out for her. "No coffee. I'll be going back to bed soon." Y/N waits to see if he'll correct her, but he doesn't.

"I'm sorry." He begins.

"No apologies."

"Please let me. I'm leaving you on our day." He pouts.

"As much as I don't want you to go, I'm sure they need you more than I do."

Harry frowns, "I hope you'll never stop needing me." He whispers against her lips before closing the gap. Y/N hums against his soft lips allowing herself to get lost in the moment; she loves his kisses, soft and gentle just as he is despite what his sharp eyes might have one believe.

Harry pulls away after pressing one final kiss on her pouted lips. "I'm sorry I have to go to work, but I know for certain that I can meet you for a late lunch."

"Lunch?" She repeats, arms wrapped around his waist, hoping he was serious with his offer.

He hums. "Yes, 2:30, that bistro with that avocado dressing you like for your sandwich."

"It's a date." She grins, laying her head on his chest letting him hold her tight. He unwraps his arms, letting her go.

"I've got to get going, firebug, but I'll see you later."

"Stay safe, Styles." She tells him as she does every time he leaves.

"Try my best, angel."

With that, he slips his beat-up white Vans with lilac laces and walks out the door; it shuts it behind him. Just as Y/N steps towards it to lock up, it opens back up, startling her. Harry steps back in, and before she can question him, he places both faces on the side of her face and kisses her breathless. Y/N is quick to react, allowing their lips to move in perfect harmony, not as smooth but perfect, nonetheless.

"I--" Harry begins before he clears his throat. "I'll miss you, angel."

Y/N feels the heat rush to her cheeks because, for a moment, she thought he'd say another three words. "And I'll miss you, H. Now get out of here; I don't need you showing up late to our lunch date."

Harry smiles, dimples on full display, hugging her before walking out a skip in his step. She peaks her head out, making sure he gets in the car safely before he drives off. He sits there for a moment, and she knows he is letting his Bluetooth connect as he waits for his drive-to-work playlist titled "it's time" to start playing. He takes a look at his mirrors before backing out and driving. That's when Y/N closes and locks the door.

Time to go back to bed for a few more hours; what else is there to do on a Sunday when she's left alone.

Harry genuinely did not want to go to work today, but it's not like he could say no to his Chief. His Chief was never one to call in favor unless it was an emergency. He didn't ask, knowing he'd get the full story Monday, but for now, he gets on his pants, t-shirt, and boots and hopes there are no fires today.

The only thing is that Harry isn't used to working with the B-shift, sure he knows everyone's name and a little of their lives, but they aren't his usual team. He shakes that off because he knows he would do anything to help a team member and knows they would do the same in return.

Harry is lost in thought, wondering what Y/N was going to do today. He knows she planned to take him to a butterfly pavilion today even told him the outfit she had planned out for it. A pair of jeans that had flowers embroidered all over something she added, saying she thought they looked a bit plain, pairing it with a pastel pink top. Harry was surprised with her style after meeting her various times in different outfits. He was surprised at how soft she dressed in pastels. She may have a bold personality, but her fashion was delicate and warm. It was a nice balance.

He nearly runs into Carols as he made his way to his office, too busy thinking of the girl he left at home. "Sorry, bud."

"No problem, Harry. Surprised to see you here," Carols tells him, everyone knowing Sunday was Harry's day off.

"Chief had something come up and asked me to come in. I should be out of here by eight tonight if we're lucky."

Carlos smiles, "with you around, we usually are."

Harry chuckles, telling him he'll be in his office if he needs anything. He looks around his desk and sighs at how much has piled up already.

Might as well get ahead.

It's a few hours when Harry realizes the house is quiet. He peaks around the window and figures they are all in the common room. It's only one, and thankfully there have been no calls, and if it continues, then he will make it to lunch with his angel.

He shoots her a text.

Angel

13:24 PM

I miss you. Counting down the minutes until I get to see you xxx

Harry clicks send and smiles down at his phone. 2:30 couldn't come fast enough.

As he gets up to stretch and go for a snack in the kitchen, he takes a deep breath because as confident as he may seem, he isn't around the second shift. They don't know him so well, and Harry ultimately is shy. He may be able to hide it, but he has small quicks that others pick up on. Something he knows Y/N spotted quickly, like when he toes his foot into the ground or when he begins to chip at his nails, and Y/N's favorite is when he moves his hands behind his back and sways side to side. She finds it endearing, but others might not think it's leadership material.

He walks into the lounge to cross to the kitchen when a few heads turn to him, but before they can say a word, the alarm rings, and Harry is literally saved by the bell.

Not a second to waste, everyone heads over to the rig and quickly suits up. Harry is Lieutenant meaning he's in charge of the scene today, seeing as their captain and Chief aren't here today. Harry respects all the firefighters and knows this will go well if everyone carries out their job.

It's a factory fire, and as soon as they arrive, Harry can see it's burning fast. He's not sure how many people are there, but he calls in for reinforcements knowing they will need all the manpower they can get.

"This is House 102; please send more units available. The factory fire is burning at a faster rate than we can control. My team is going in now. There are five people unaccounted for; the left side of the building is clear." Harry speaks into his two-way radio.

"Carlos," the young firefighter jogs over, eyes on Harry, no longer staring at the roaring fire. "You're going in with Baz. Stay close and don't go up the second floor; you need to be quick in and out."

"Who's going with you, Lieutenant?" Carlos asks, clearly worried.

"Jameson and Rey are coming with me; stay safe, and if anything happens, just radio in."

"You got it!" Harry pats his shoulder and walks off towards the two waiting men.

Harry knows the men well, he trained them when they came into the house, but they preferred B-shift instead of being with him. One spot was available, and he knew they didn't want to be separated. Rey and Jameson have been dating for two years, but that's a secret only very few know. It's not prohibited, but if it gets more serious, one will have to relocate to a new station. They simply aren't ready for that, and indeed Harry would be sad not to have them around the house or hearing their stories. It just adds a more considerable risk because, at the end of the day, the job is first.

Rey walks towards the entrance with Harry following right behind. Jameson, a few feet back, calling out for anyone in there that needs help.

"Fire department, call out." Echoes out as much as it can as the fire begins to roar louder.

The heat gets worse the further they walk in; they turn right at the edge of a desk labeled "Torres."

"H, there!" Rey shouts, rushing over to a man knocked unconscious and had heavy storage struck over his legs, pinning him down. Harry and Jameson run over, assessing the man before making any sudden moves.

Jameson finds a pulse, weak but there. He gets the extra mask over the man's face hoping it'll wake him up soon.

"On the count of three, we lift," Harry tells the two men standing to a stand as the others do the same.

They nod. "One, two, three." They grunt in unison, pushing the container to a standing position. Harry looks over the man's legs and is thankful there is no blood, but there will be swelling and bruises. "Right, Rey, take him out. We'll keep searching."

Rey nods, lifting the man over his shoulder as he was trained to do, and rushes out of the burning building. Harry and Jameson have just learned a new area when the radio comes on. "Lieutenant Styles, it's Carlos. We found two men; only one remains unaccounted for."

Harry nods. "Got it, no one comes back in. We'll be out soon."

He now leads the way, making his way towards a stairway. There's no fire here, but it's moving faster, and smoke is thick. Whoever is in here might not last much longer without oxygen.

"Fire department, call out," Harry shouts, voice firm.

"Here.." a whisper is heard, both Harry and Jameson freeze. Once more, "here" is yelled but sounds muffled.

Harry looks around, not seeing anything but fire, and fears the structure will collapse soon. Just as he was about to yell again, he sees a can knocked, and a man hidden under a black rag is seen. Jameson rushes over, helping the man sit up. He's older, well into his sixties. He doesn't look too well; he has a few scapes.

"Right, we need to head out," Jameson tells Harry, helping the man stand up who is fighting consciousness.

"This is Lieutenant Styles; on our way out found the last man. Have paramedics on standby."

"Got it, Styles. Get out quick."

Jameson and Harry get the man up and head to exit. Harry can see the light of day and knows he will be late for lunch, but thankful Y/N is understanding and very forgiving. He'll make it up to her by buying dessert.

Just as they almost reach the door, a piece of dry wood comes falling down, separating Harry and Jameson; luckily, it did not hit them, but now Harry has to find a new way out. It's not looking good.

"Harry," Jameson looks panicked, but Harry stays calm.

"Get him out, now," Harry tells him, looking in every direction for what to do.

"No, I won't-" Harry cuts him off.

"Jameson, get this man out. He needs medical attention. That's an order." Voice full of authority with no room to argue.

Jameson nods and heads out. "I'm coming back for you."

Harry chuckles. He sees a small path, but it'd be a more extended way out. He debates what to do. He could wait, but the longer he stays, the quicker this building is beginning to collapse.

It takes him two seconds to decide to go right and find a new route out instead of staying put. He walks and only gets hotter as the fire begins to surround him. He's good at not panicking, always thinks better under pressure, but this is getting intense. Harry climbs over a crate and bends low to go through this tight space. He sees the exit, it's still a bit away, but he knows he is in the clear.

That's when he hears a big explosion knocking him forward. His oxygen masks flys off, landing a few feet away. As Harry reaches his hand out to get it, he's pulled back. He looks behind and sees he's stuck. There are crates stacked on top of him. The air is thick of smoke, and with no oxygen, it seems like the fire will soon enough engulf him.

Shit.

He's really in trouble now.

Harry presses his radio, holding it, hoping it's still working. "This is Harry," He coughs. "I'm trapped under a few crates. I can't reach my ask. I'm west of the building."

"Harry, hold on. We're going in." Harry hears Jameson reply, but he's fading quickly.

He shakes his head. "Can't go to sleep, but this smoke is too thick to actually see anything, let alone for his team to find him.

"Tell…" He coughs again, and this time doesn't stop for what feels like five minutes but is only a few seconds. "Tell angel, I'm sorry."

A voice comes over the speaker, but Harry's eyelids are fluttering shut, the weight of the crates is too much, and the smoke only gets deeper in his lungs if he keeps speaking.

Harry welcomes the darkness as he sees the one person he was supposed to meet for lunch. She's holding an outstretched hand for him to take and who is he to ever say no to her.

Real or not, he goes to her, and soon enough, he falls unconscious, not feeling when his team lifts him out and puts him in the back of an ambulance.

Y/N decided to show up a bit earlier for their lunch date, putting in their order early, wanting to maximize all their time together. She wouldn't see him until late that night, and honestly, she wasn't a fan of being separated on her favorite day of the week.

She sits on a bench right outside, both sandwiches wrapped tucked away in a brown paper bag and a lemonade sitting next to her untouched. It was his favorite, too sweet in her opinion. Still, Harry loved it, especially since he wasn't one to indulge in sweets unless they were hers.

Knowing Harry could be running late, she pulls out a book from her orange tote bag that Harry gifted to her. The book was Beach Read, Frankie recommended it to her then gave her the book saying she needed to read more romance books and not just poetry and nonfiction books. She actually enjoyed it, which surprised her, but even if she didn't, she's too invested to not find out the ending.

She was just starting chapter five when she feels too much time has passed and glances down at her phone.

2:55

25 minutes late isn't bad or unusual even; she decides to put the book away and keep an eye out for him. Usually, when he keeps her waiting, he makes up for it with a long kiss that never fails to take her breath away; she's excited about it now.

Time seems to go slower when she just sits waiting. She debates beginning to eat her sandwich when her stomach starts to growl. It's low, but she would feel bad if she began to eat, and that's when he shows up. She settles for waiting and instead takes a drink of the sweet lemonade.

As Y/N sits waiting for Harry, her phone begins to ring and displays an unknown number but the city's area code. Every bone in her body tells her to prepare for the worst but hopes she's paranoid.

She takes a deep breath before answering and bringing the phone up to her ear.

"Hello, are you angel?" A deep voice man asks.

"It's Y/N. Actually, can I ask who's calling?" She's holding her breath; only one person calls her angel.

"I'm calling on behalf of Lieutenant Harry Styles. Harry has been in an accident and was taken to the hospital. He asked us to call an angel on his way to the hospital. We assumed you were one of his emergency contacts."

Y/N feels her hands begin to shake. "What hospital?"

The man on the phone rattles the information, and she lets it all sink in. He hangs up, and she sits there waiting on the bench for her date that will not be showing up.

Her phone rings again, she answers without looking at the caller.

"Y/N," she recognized the voice; it's Mitch, and if he's calling, then it must be true.

"Mitch," she whispers, not recognizing her own voice. It's shaky, tears beginning to well up.

"Where are you?"

"At the bistro a street down from the station." She replies, hoping he's coming for her.

"I'm close; we'll pick you up and go see him, darling." She nods but remembers he can't see her.

Y/N isn't sure why she's not crying. She feels the tears, but it's like they are stuck; her heart hurts, and she knows that says enough. "We were supposed to meet for lunch. I got worried when he didn't show up, but I didn't think--" he interrupts her.

"Harry is going to be fine, trust me. He's okay, and he needs us there."

Y/N doesn't reply because she sees him pulling in. Mitch is in the passenger seat, Sarah is driving. She doesn't say a word as she swings open the door and settles in the back.

She sets her hands in her lap; she can feel herself trembling. She can feel herself breaking because she won't know if he's okay until she sees him. Mitch can say he's fine, but she needs to see for herself.

Sarah and Mitch share a concerned look; Y/N doesn't notice her eyes looking out the window.

"Y/N?" Mitch begins, voice full of concern. "Do you- are you okay to go see him?"

"Of course." She replies quickly. "He needs me; well, I hope he does."

"Course he needs you. Needs his angel by his side." Sarah tells her calmly, wanting to see her smile, but it doesn't work because only Harry should be calling her that. She shouldn't be on her way to see him in a hospital bed. She should have seen him next to her on that bench as he ate his sandwich and gave her kiss and kiss as she told him stories.

They are silent the rest of the way. Sarah pulls into an empty parking space, and she rushes after Mitch, who seems to know exactly where Harry is as he rushes past the front desk. The only thing that slows them down is waiting for the elevator; she gladly would have taken the stairs if Mitch didn't tell her that he's on the sixth floor. Instead, she waits impatiently for the old elevator that will take her to see her love.

He is going to be okay. He has to be okay. Y/N keeps those thoughts running through her head as Mitch and Sarah guide her to room 613.

Mitch walks in first, holding the door open, Sarah places a comforting hand on her back, and Y/N feels supported and loved, but nothing prepares her for what she is about to walk into.

The constant beep of Harry's heart monitor is the only thing that can be heard in his private room. The beep is steady; it makes her let out a deep breath. The monitor already calming her down, she approaches slowly as if he'd wake if she'd walk any faster.

She sits in the uncomfortable chair next to his bed and pulls it as close as she can.

Y/N just stares at him, taking it all in. He looks like he's resting peacefully like he should originally have been when they started this day together. His curls are disheveled, his face dirty with smoke stains and a few gauzes wrapped around his arms. She can't see much else but knows he's got a road of recovery still ahead of him.

"Hi, Harry," she whispers, her hand slowly reaching under the white sheet to grab hold of his right hand. "I'm right here, okay. Take your time waking up; there's no rush. Just know that I'm not going anywhere."

She pauses, hoping for a reply even though she knows she won't get one. "We can also discuss how I'm sort of one of your emergency contacts."

Y/N presses her lips to his hand. "Need you to wake up, want to see those Rapunzal eyes." She sits back, not removing her hand from his. Sarah has not taken her eyes off of her, Sarah might feel like she might blow up soon, but being at his side, she has begun to feel better.

"Harry, we're here for you. The whole team is outside in the lobby, probably why they sent us to the floor with the biggest waiting area. Even young Carlos is out there, saying you gave them a scare but really hopes you never pick up another B-shift again." Mitch sniffles before stepping out of the room. Sarah walks over to where he was standing.

"Hey Harold, it's trivia night in a few days, and kind of counting on you to get us those free drinks." Sarah chuckles. "It's been a while since we've been in the hospital. I think it was when I made you all donate blood for that ambulance competition. Fun times, now you rest and get better. The good thing is you have the best nurse looking out for you." Sarah glances at Y/N, sending her a small smile.

Y/N sits back in her chair as Sarah sits in one by the window. She knows she's in for a long afternoon and an even longer night.

Harry's head is throbbing.

He's not sure why. The last he remembers is leaving Y/N's house to go for his shift at the station.

They were meeting for lunch; he's sure she wouldn't let him drink any alcohol on the job.

Harry slowly opens his eyes and is blinded by the bright light. He sees a photo of the sunset right in front of him, and a tv hung up; if he's not mistaken, he's in a hospital room, primarily due to being in an uncomfortable bed. The oxygen mask over his face is also a dead giveaway he was in an accident.

He looks around, and he sees he is not alone. His angel is sleeping, a tight grip on his right hand; she looks exhausted. Mitch walks in just as Harry was about to wake her. Y/N mumbles and sits up, pulling her hand away from his to rub the sleep away. Harry wants to tell her to stop knowing how much it actually irritates her eyes, especially when she tubs a little harsher than usual.

"Were you able to find tea, Mitch?" Y/N asks, looking over at him.

"Sarah's bringing it over." Mitch's gaze never turns to her staying on Harry; this confuses Y/N and turns back around in her seat to look at a resting Harry but instead finds his eyes on her.

"Harry!" Y/N scoots forward, grasps his hand in hers. "You're awake. Mitch, the nurse, please."

Harry raises his free hand to take off the mask. He wants to speak, but this won't allow him. "No, love. Got to keep it on."

Harry's eyes close, then flutter open. He stares at Y/N, his eyes kind but defiant. He takes the mask off, coughing a bit; it makes Y/N feel nauseous, knowing he's not doing so well.

"I think you need to keep it on, Harry." She says, "the nurse needs to see it when she comes in soon."

"Hey, angel," he says in a raspy voice. It sounds like he's in pain when he talks.

"Yes?" She asks.

"I'm sorry for scaring you."

Y/N shrugs, "no big deal. I wasn't even scared."

Harry smiles, showering her his dimples since she last saw him this morning. He begins to laugh but stops when it causes him to cough. Y/N lets him settle down before bending down to gently kiss him.

"Now, let that hold you over, and put the mask pack on."

Harry nods. "Anything for you, my angel."

It's a half-hour before the doctor comes in, and by that time, Harry had fallen back asleep, only just waking up a few minutes before the man walked through the door. Mitch alerted everyone outside he was awake and doing good.

Dr. Vazquez walked white coat open, displaying a purple button-up and a bright yellow tie. It puts a smile on Y/N's face.

"Hello, Mr. Styles. Glad you're awake."

"Me too, Doc. Nice tie."

Dr. Vaquez smiles, looking down at himself, "Thank you, my wife picks out my tie every morning before she heads off to work."

"Lucky man," Harry tells him.

"That I am." Dr. Vazquez replies. "You've got a mild concussion, nothing serious, but you are allowed to sleep while you're here. We've got a good team looking out for you. You've got a few burns, but those will heal nicely if properly cared for. A few deep bruises on your leg and one on your rib cage, no blood clots. It will hurt to walk for a few days."

"Nothing too bad, then," Harry sighs, relaxing in bed.

"I've looked at your charts, and it looks like you will be making a full recovery and should be back on the job in three or four weeks. In the meantime, you will need to stay overnight and keep taking in oxygen. I see the nurse changed your mask. Please don't remove this one." Harry nods. "Any questions?"

Harry shakes his head no, "Not at the moment."

"Alright, I'll be off then. I'll come to see you tomorrow midday, and we'll talk about going home. I hear you have a waiting room full of people dying to see; just be aware that visiting hours end at nine, but if you're kind to Nurse Lucy, she'll be lenient to ten."

"Thank you, Dr. Vazquez." Mitch and Y/N say in unison as the man exits the room.

"That's the quietest I've ever seen you, firebug." Harry teases.

"You hush." She lightly pats his arm.

Mitch laughs, "going to go tell them you're allowed, visitors."

Y/N and Harry sit in silence. He can tell she has something on her mind, a slight frown on her face. He wonders if it's about him if she won't be able to handle dating someone who can be hurt by the job. Harry honestly does not want to lose her.

"I'm going to step out," Y/N tells him, looking down at their joined hands, not wanting to meet his eyes.

"Y/N," Harry sighs.

"You've got lots of people waiting to see you and roughly have an hour to see them all. I'll be close by." She leans down, presses a kiss to his cheek, and walks out before he can reach out to stop her.

She steps out while a few members of his team come in to see him offering her a smile as she passes them. As much as she didn't want to leave him, she needed a moment away, and he needed a moment with his family.

God, Y/N has never felt so scared, and now a minute alone, everything is beginning to set in. She has no idea where the restroom is, and the next thing she knows, she's running into someone, but it seems they recognize her because they say her name, and the next thing she knows, she's crying, sinking to the floor. She feels arms wrap around her.

Shushes in her ear, brushing the ends of her hair. It's calming, but she needs to let all the tears she's been holding in.

"Y/N," she can now recognize the voice as Sarah's, "I'm going to help you stand and sit you in the chair.

Y/N feels herself nod.

She begins taking deep breaths, never letting Sarah pull her hand away. It is the only thing keeping her grounded.

"I got her some water." Y/N hears Frankie whisper handing it to Sarah before taking the seat to the left of her.

"I'm okay," she repeats. "I'm okay."

"Y/N," Sarah begins.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize, sweetie." Frankie brushes her hair back.

"I'm supposed to be strong; I have to be strong to do this to stand by his side," Y/N tells them, beginning to let her emotions out.

"No one is expecting you not to cry."

"Bu-" Sarah interrupts her.

"No. stop. Accidents happen, and so do injuries. It's okay to be scared and hurt."

"I want to be strong for him." She whispers.

"You are. You never left his side; you talked to him. You're crying now because you care."

She wipes her eyes with her sweater sleeves. "I love him, and I was so scared that when I got the call, I'd never get to tell Harry."

"Then you tell him as soon as you walk back into his room."

"Thank you."

"Nothing to thank, I care about you, and I know Harry would be grateful to know you're not alone. You've always got us. Now let's grab something to eat, and we'll come back in an hour once all of them go home."

She chuckles. "Alright."

"Text me where you're sitting. I'll pop in to see Harry, then meet you."

"You don't have to," Y/N tells Frankie because she knows she is just as concerned about her friend.

"Are you kidding me? You're my friend first, always."

Sarah and Y/N walk down to the cafeteria. She knows she isn't okay but is feeling better, finally letting emotion out. It was only a matter of time before she let the dam break; she's just happy it was not in front of Harry.

The girls sit in the cafeteria munching on snacks for well over an hour. Mitch sends them a message letting them know all the crew has left and it's time to say goodbye for the night. Frankie wishes her goodnight downstairs with promises to come to see her tomorrow and bring her a change of clothes.

"Let's walk you back," Sarah tells her, linking their arms together.

"Do you think he'll know?" Sarah takes a good look at her and grimaces. "I'll just say I tripped, and it made me cry." Y/N jokes.

"I don't think he'll believe that."

"Yeah, me either." The girls walk out of the elevator as their laughter dies down.

They settle in silence as they make their way to his room, Sarah holding her hand leading the way. Mitch is in the chair she was in for so many hours before waiting for him to wake up. Mitch hears their footsteps and turns his head, but Harry is frowning, looking out the window at the dark sky.

Y/N doesn't know what to say, but one look at him has her heart filling up with relief; he's okay.

He's fine, and he gets to go home soon, and she gets to love him all she wants.

Harry turns his head as she steps forward. "Angel," he breathes out.

It makes her eyes well up with tears again. "I love you," she just lets it out, as if she's told Harry this every day as if she never went a moment not saying it.

"Oh my angel," Harry begins to cry, feeling overwhelmed and incredibly happy. His angel loves him, and although this isn't a perfect day, the moment is.

Mitch and Sarah sneak out quietly, shutting the door behind them to give them their privacy.

"I love you so much. Please come here." Harry replies, voice shaky.

In the next second, she's moving forward, pulling the chair as close as she can as he grabs her hands, squeezing them tightly. She leans down and presses her lips to his chapped pink lips. They move gently, pouring all their love and fears into the kiss. Telling each other that the worst is over and they are together, and they are fine. Y/N pulls back, knowing she can't kiss him as long as she'd like due to his sensitive lungs.

"Harry, I love you, and I was so scared I'd never get to say it."

"I'm sorry, angel; I never wanted you to get a call like this, at least not before talking about it."

"Me either," She sniffles, no longer able to control her tears, "but it happened, and I'm just happy you're okay."

"I'm okay," he repeats. She smiles, taking one of her hands out of his hold to wipe his tears away; Harry can't help but lean his head into her gentle touch. "I'm okay because my angel is always looking after me.

"Harry."

"It's true. I've never been luckier and safer since you came into my life." She smiles. "But there's something we have to talk about." He continues, and by the tone of his voice, it's going to be serious.

"Are you okay?"

"What? I'm fine. You're the one in a hospital bed." Her tone is defensive.

"There's something wrong. I can see it."

Y/n sighs, taking a deep breath. She takes her hand out of his hold.

Harry is quick to mask his hurt.

"I don't like that you're hurt. I hate that we aren't at home in the kitchen dancing around to your Sunday playlist as I bake you a new treat." She says in a rush.

"Hey, love, relax," he says and gestures for her to move in closer. She does so, allowing him to take hold of her hands with a firm grip this time.

"You're upset because I got hurt?" She nods in reply to his question. It's stupid because, of course, he's going to get hurt; it'd be naive to think he wouldn't in his job.

"It's part of the job." He says simply. It's something he wants her to accept and remember. She thinks back to a month into dating when he told her about his ex-girlfriend and how she couldn't handle the unknown of the job each day he left her. Y/N thought she'd be fine, but she loves him, and losing him would be something she could never recover from.

"I know. It's just not easy to see." Her voice was quiet and defeated.

"What do we do?" Harry asks, and Y/N freezes; she can feel her heart beating in her ears.

What do we do?

"What do you mean?" She can feel her hands begin to shake.

"This can happen again." He gestures to him in the hospital bed.

"I know." She says softly.

"Is this something you can handle or not?" He asks very direct. She knows this might not be the first time he's had the conversation, but she just told him she loved him, and he's questioning her. She's allowed to feel this way, but it doesn't mean she can't handle it.

"Y/N," he begins, "I'm incredibly happy with you. I see you and me together for a long time. You're it for me, but this job is my life."

"I know," she repeats. "I would never ask you to give up your job."

Harry stares at her; heartbreak passes through his eyes. "Are you asking me to give you up?

She shakes her and begs for the tears not to fall, but it's no use. She feels them falling and can't wipe them as Harry has a hold of her hands.

"Harry, I love you." He frowns as if fearing the worst. "I love you, and I'd rather love you every moment I have you than let you go now and never know what could have been."

"Oh, thank god." Harry lets out a deep breath. She giggles. "I'm sorry we couldn't have this conversation earlier; honestly, I feared if I brought it up, you could possibly break up with me, and I selfishly wanted to have you longer."

"Well, I'm not going anywhere, not if it's up to me. Seeing you laid up is hard but knowing I get to be there for you makes up for it. Also helps that I'm a nurse."

"That it does."

Y/n grins at Harry, leaning in to kiss him, short and sweet for now. Each kiss never fails to make her heart race, and due to Harry's heart monitor, she knows it does the same to him. They sit in silence, staring at each other as Harry traces small shapes against Y/N's cheeks, loving the feeling of her in his hand. Especially when she lets out a soft giggle when he hits a sensitive spot.

"Move in with me," Y/N blurts out after a while of silence.

It shocks Harry. "What?"

"Until you're better. That way, I can be your in-home nurse."

"Only until I'm better?" She nods. "So, you'll give me the boot after." Harry teases.

Y/N can feel her cheeks warming up but pushes through, "Only if you're a bad patient."

Harry smiles, dimples on full display for her, always for her. "Okay, I can be good and naughty only when you ask."

"Harry!" She gasps.

He throws his head back, laughing.

"God, I'm so lucky to love you." His words warm her heart, and she promises to tell him every day from now on.

"Now get up here and cuddle me. I got Mitch to cue up Netflix."

"Are you sure?" She stands slipping her shoes off, knowing he won't be taking no for an answer.

"Going to deprive an injured man of what he wants most?"

"Guess not."

"Good."

Y/N crawls on and lays on his side, carefully resting her head on his chest. Harry presses kiss after kiss for his comfort, knowing he will be okay and has his favorite person by his side. She chooses Legally Blonde knowing it's Harry's comfort movie as much as he tries to deny it.

For an unusual start to their Sunday, it ends right; together in bed, a hospital bed but nonetheless a bed, together arms wrapped tight around each other.

Y/N might not have liked that Harry got hurt, but he's okay, and he will recover.

That's all she could ever ask for.

thank you so much for reading!

please send me a message of what you thought or if you'd like to see more firefighter harry

I adore you. take care xx

[earlgreydream]

benefits.

| draco x reader | angst | fluff | smut |

anon requested. can you do draco x reader from best friend to fwb but no catching feelings rule... 

a/n: lots of people have requested rough sex lately. it must be something in the air.

Several bad decisions led up to where you were now, curled up in Draco Malfoy’s bed, clutching his sheets to your body.

Bad decision number 1: Becoming best friends with Draco Malfoy.

How could you not? The blonde boy was ambitious, charming, and loyal. You had come to Hogwarts knowing nobody, a scared 11 year old in a new home, surrounded by new people. You were sitting alone at a table when the blonde sat down beside you. 

“I’m Malfoy, Draco Malfoy.”

You were never lonely after that. You and Draco became inseparable. You were together at Hogwarts nearly every waking moment, and summers and christmases were spent at Malfoy Manor together, or traveling abroad to see the world. 

Draco was always the first one to support you, the one to celebrate with you, and the one to cry with you. The two of you shared everything, sticking by one another, even through the occasional fight. Nothing would break up your friendship.

Bad decision number 2: Becoming friends with benefits with Draco Malfoy.

You couldn’t imagine trusting anyone enough to lose your virginity to, other than Draco Malfoy. That’s how it started, a night at Malfoy Manor during Christmas break.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Draco had asked you softly.

“I’m sure. Nothing will change, I just want to you to be the one.”

That was how you discovered that Draco Malfoy was entirely perfect. He took incredible care of you, making sure you were feeling good, and making sure you were safe. Draco adored you, and this decision added another layer of intimacy that brought the two of you closer.

One time wasn’t enough for either of you. Hooking up turned into a common occurrence for the two of you. You’d sworn it was strictly friends with benefits, that there was no strings attached, you were just using one another’s talent to get off.

This went on for years, and you and Draco had done it everywhere. At the Manor, at your own home, in your respective dorms, in the astronomy tower, in a broom closet, and even once on Snape’s desk when you were feeling particularly mischievous. 

You’d both promised yourself it was no catching feelings, and you’d both managed to fail.

Bad decision number 3: Falling in love with Draco Malfoy. 

It happened so fast, yet over so long, it was impossible to decipher how it happened. Maybe it was the sex, maybe it was cheering him on at quidditch games, maybe it was the late nights in the common room with tea. Maybe it was none of those things. 

Draco was the other half of your heart, and you couldn’t imagine a single day without him. Your heart raced when he touched you, and you filled with butterflies at the sight of his smile. 

The realization hit you all at once, after a particularly steamy night in his prefect dorm. For the first time in your life, you didn’t know how to tell Draco something. He sensed it, he knew the ins and outs of your mind and your heart. 

“What’s on your mind, love?” It was an innocent question, spoken lightly as he laid beside you in the black sheets, studying the expression on your face. 

That brought you to where you were now. You sat up to look at him, covering your naked body with the sheets. Draco’s hand rested casually on your thigh as it often did, his silver gaze patient as he waited for you to answer.

“I want more.”

Draco grinned and tried to pull the sheet from your body, and you swatted his hand away. The deviant smile fell from his face when he sat the seriousness in your eyes, and he sat up beside you.

“More, as in...?”

“I want to be in a real relationship. You’re my best friend, and I want more than just sex. I think we would be so good together.”

The silence that followed was suffocating, and the guarded expression that Draco never had with you broke out on his face. You shook your head, tears threatening to spill from your waterline. You wished you could take it back, but it was too late. He was already shutting down, and you felt like you’d made a catastrophic mistake.

“Draco, I-”

“I’m sorry, Y/N. There’s someone else...” he looked sickened, and you were stunned, feeling like the knife in your chest had been twisted. 

“What?”

“I should’ve told you. I have plans to ask out Pansy-”

“Forget I said anything...” You breathed, suddenly feeling ashamed and exposed. 

“Y/N. Love, wait.”

You were out of the bed, dragging your clothes on before he could stop you. You ran from his room, wanting to escape the embarrassment and tension. 

You had never been away from Draco for so long. You’d avoided him, unable to face his rejection. You had heard from Hogwarts gossip that Pansy had rejected his offer to date, and you wondered why. She’d always shown interest in Draco, and you had scolded him in the past for leading her on. You couldn’t imagine what had possessed him to decide to ask her out.

You didn’t know it was to try to see if anyone made him feel the way that you did. Draco was enamoured with you, and he feared that you didn’t feel the same. He’d panicked when you’d asked for a relationship, and he wanted to tell you that he just wanted to be sure. You must’ve understood, because you had done the same with Theodore Nott in fourth year. 

Draco was devastated by the loss of you. You’d avoided him, ignoring all his attempts to try to spend time with you. He wanted to tell you that he realized it was a mistake the second you’d walked out the door. He’d asked Pansy out, and she had turned him down, knowing she would never be you.

“Draco, I care about you. You’re in love with Y/N. I can see it, everyone can see it. She’s in love with you too. You don’t need to experiment with me to confirm it.” 

He wondered how he could’ve been so blind. How he could’ve hurt you like that. The regret was all-consuming.

To make matters worse, he’d seen you with George Weasley, and everyone whispered that you didn’t leave the Gryffindor dorms at night. White-hot jealousy twisted in Draco whenever he saw you with the redhead. It was too much, and he couldn’t take it.

George was there to keep you warm, but it was nothing like Draco. George didn’t understand you, he didn’t know what you were thinking without an explanation. His eyes didn’t light up the same way when you laughed. He was sweet, but he wasn’t Draco.

Three weeks passed, and you felt raw. You were barely paying attention as you walked through the quiet corridors, lost in thought. Thoughts of Draco, thoughts of how right now you would be curled up on a couch, studying potions, if you hadn’t told him the truth.

You gasped in surprise as a hand came to the small of your back, another wrapping around your arm.

“Draco?” You were startled. He was pulling you down a side hallway, to empty, abandoned corridors that were never used. A large iron door appeared in the stone wall, and you let Draco wordlessly push you through it, into the Room of Requirement.

The room was fashioned like an elaborate bedroom, a massive bed with black silk sheets in the center. The lights were low, and you suddenly felt warm.

“Draco, what is going on?” You turned to your best friend, your hands coming to rest on his chest when his body was practically against yours.

“I can’t stand to see you with that bloody redhead. You belong with me.” Draco was practically seething, and the lust in his eyes made your body wake with familiar adrenaline. 

“Prove it.”

Draco tore your uniform off of you, buttons clattering against the cold floor. Your heart was beating in your ribcage, your nerves beginning to spark with anticipation to feel Draco’s touch again. 

Warmth heated your face and ears when Draco tossed you onto the bed, positioning you at the edge while he stood in front of you. This wasn’t going to be gentle and tender, this was animalistic, wild, and desperate. Draco was rough and it had you weak at his fingertips.

“He will never touch you again!” Draco snarled, his hand wrapping around your throat and squeezing. You were pinned to the bed, and he pulled your thighs apart, putting a knee on the bed to balance in front of you.

“Never,” you shook your head, finding a hold on his shoulders. He kissed you deeply, full of need and force. He swallowed your quiet moans, and your fingers tangled in his hair as he sank into you. You tightened your arms around him as he began to move, giving you a moment to breath before he started to slam into you with the pent up jealousy, hurt, and regret of the last three weeks. 

The walls of the Room of Requirement absorbed your moans and yells, keeping your secrets safe within them. Draco released your neck and pinned your hands above his head, hitting places that sent shudders of pleasure through your body. 

“Fuck, you’re perfect,” Draco breathed, shocking you with the kind honesty. You pulled him down onto you and the rough aggression faded. He rocked into you gently, kissing your neck, your bodies fully pressed together. 

“I love you so much, I’m so sorry. I’m never going to let you go again.”

You kissed him passionately, the tension in your body releasing as waves of emotion flooded through you. 

“I love you, Draco.”

[kthynes]

the caller you have reached (chris evans x reader)

pairing: chris evans x fem!reader

summary: chris was trying to drunkenly call the woman he loved and wanted to get back with but instead he reaches you, a shrink.

warning: swearing (sailor level), brief mentions of mental health

**IMPORTANT disclaimer: I won't be dabbling into the hard hitting topics of mental health in this short only because I'm not a certified health professional and so I can't be providing a written, unbiased, often characterized diagnosis towards any sort of mental health disorder because really, those types of sensitivities need proper care and output. With that being said, I do want to emphasize the notions of seeking help and not being afraid to seek help when needed. It's hard, but we all fight a battle and no battle is big or small or better or worse.

If my followers or readers do feel the need to privately chat with me, I'm here and I can you lend you an ear. Otherwise let's be kind and uplift another while we can. No harm in doing good and being better, that's for sure!

-end rant-

This short is dedicated to the following lovelies:

@princess-evans-addict

@mrs-djokovic

@slut-for-chris-evans

@saltyflowermakertaco

@bitchyslut99

@patzammit

@itskikiyooo

@maximeevansblog

Being a working adult is dreadful but the work you do is the most fulfilling kind of anarchy. You are a therapist, you work to heal and you work together with people who willingly reach out to you and your facility of care. There is that balance, the altering nuances in between that allows you to do what you do best. You advocate for good prosperity of mental health and accolade of teachable moments that fosters a safe space for your clients, not patients, but the people who deserve to be heard and not be medically categorized.

Your salubrious passion keeps you grounded. In your lifetime, you've seen the imperial impacts of poor mental health and it has been a detrimental drive in how you retreat and give back to a small found community.

"Okay." You exhale to yourself while leafing through another client chart. You're working off the clock, stuck in the renaissance of your homey office space while the outside world turns pitch black.

In the appropriate fields you jot down important takeaways from your last sit in session with heavy concertation and reasoning, you try to congregate a treatment plan all before you cellphone cries for you in venturous fashion.

"Hello?" You answer without checking the caller ID, tucking the device between your ear and shoulder so that way you could work and talk.

"Jenny!" The man boisterously shouts. "Jenny baby please talk to me! Let me make it up to you, let's just do this right, please. I'm fucked up here."

"I'm sorry but you have the wrong number." You infringe sounding like the posh, automated answering machine lady.

"Oh what the fuck Jenny — oh cah'mon don't do that, don't be like that baby." You re-verify a local number and it doesn't belong to anyone you know of. So you wonder who this man is but choose not to press further instead you tell him what is right from the knowing wrong.

"I'm not Jenny."

"Seriously?" He yells, forcing you to hold the phone away from your ear. "That can't be... This is—" He recites the number that is similar to yours but the last two digits are off.

"You got 42, not 53." It's an easy mistake to recall, a swipe of a drunken thumb could've mixed that up, so this time around, you're forgiving. Not that it happens often.

"Oh no. That's—" The mystery man trails, something about his voice discerns you, it's familiar but in a hindbrain way that you can't put a finger on. "Fuuuuuuuck."

"Wait hold on, hold up, is this Jenny's assistant, Nina?" You exhale sharply sometimes it takes more than one try and a side of convincing to get your point across and your passiveness was certainly to blame.

"No I'm not her assistant either."

"Then who the hell are you?" He exasperates. You make the snide mistake of telling him your name and he buffers for a bit.

"Oh. So you really aren't anyone of my concern then?"

"No." You mildly retort. "I wouldn't want to be anyways."

"Okay well I'm not sorry then because I'm here trying to reach my girlfriend and I can't get to her because I have you on the line being a smartass." With that accent of his you can tell he's a patriotic Bostonian. One of your own kind and that furloughs your need to engage in this mindless drivel, it wouldn't get you or him anywhere. At least that's what you tell yourself before shutting him down.

"Well then maybe you should learn to listen first, how about that?" You snap, dropping your pen before you note down angry nonsense into your actual work.

"Hey nowwww!" He yells as if he's trying to be Hank Kinsley.

"It's clear that you're drunk."

He brushes you off on the other end, enigmatic in what he wants you to know. "This is Chris Evans, you're talking to Chris-motherfucking-Evans, you hear?"

"I do now." You say tersely.

"Good." He huffs. "Good... Cause you know I'm in the middle of bumfuck nowhere and this is what I get. This is what I seemingly deserve, god you women I swear..."

Your face changes. You don't agree to be a lending ear but somehow Chris forces you to hear him out.

"I told her Y/N. I TOLD her that I wasn't ready to take the next step but that doesn't mean that I don't want to be with her. And now she throws it back in my face by getting with some other guy she once dated back in high school. And somehow, I'm supposed to be ok with it and move on, as she tells me. How the hell am I supposed to do that, huh?"

"I, um, I don't know what to tell you." You sigh somberly.

"Of course you don't!" His Boston twang begins to nerve you as there some remitting frequency of it. Hearing him obnoxiously go off, reminds you of all your shrewd New England exes who were his exact counterpart when soused. A ludicrous memory that you relive again with time and perfect harmony.

"Listen lady all I'm saying is that I fucked up. I know I did alright? I mean it doesn't take much denominational math and the plot of Lost in Translation to get that. I get it!"

Jesus. You whisper the lords name in vain as you lean your forehead against the palm of your hand while your elbow rested on top of the desk.

"So, let me get this straight, you think yelling at a random woman will help get further?" You question a little acutely for his liking.

"I don't know but it sure as hell takes off the heat, sweetheart." Something about a man calling you sweetheart grinds your gears and now your molars.

"Okay, alright, let's talk." You begin, sitting up a bit and tearing out a blank page from your memo pad; you were doing a late night consultation, a small hash out.

"Schuwaaaaa." Chris enunciates the word sure and to much of his mayhem, he’s sprawled out on the curbside, somewhere in the nowhere land of L.A. He contented but also upset and you were simply crashing his little pity party.

"What is it that you want from Jenny?" You professionally prod. "How about we start there."

"Wooooah, what is that we're doing here?” Chris gets mildly defensive with you. “I dunno you like that. If we're gonna talk then you'll have to get through my publicist first because right now I plead the fifth.”

You exhale a deep and fulsome breath. No one troubles you like him. It's sanctimoniously unnerving.

"I'm a shrink, my job isn’t meant to incriminate my clients well-being, or anyone else’s for that matter.” You address calmly. “So, if you do require some solicited advice then we can keep this call under strict confidence. You have my word, Mr. Evans and the paperwork that will follow shortly after this call.”

Silence. There is some shocking silence which is brief before you're catapulted with disbelief and more cackles. "Holy mother fucking shit. You're kidding me?"

"I can run you by my credentials if you’d like?” You mention stiffly.

"God I’ve reached a cuckoo hotline!" Wrong. That's a horrible thing to say and you'd think a man like him would've been more sensitive about his choice of words, inebriated or not.

"Far from it."

"Tell me something, alright? How many grown, adult men come crying to you?" Chris is edging with curiosity even though his eyes are betrayingly reddened after crying into a bottle of Dewars 18. He doesn't make that known to you and you never cared to ask.

"Enough to know that they cry." You simply state.

"Huh. So this is just another Tuesday for you then.” Chris scoff, the bottle making it to his lips and then swishing back down again.

"Comes with the territory except I don't tolerate drunkenness." You motely add. "Can you keep the bottle aside for the time being? Just until we're done here."

"That's understandable and oh yeah sure, sure, I won't touch it." You can hear the glass bottle 'clink' when coming into contact with the pavement.

"Now tell me about Jenny." You softly inquire.

"What do you wanna know? How we fuck or how we met?" Chris giggles like a naughty school yard boy.

"How did you two meet?" You slam the words urgently, nearly spelling out the cause.

"Oh! Oh. We met on the job." Chris chuckles punitively.

"Okay and did you guys connect instantly or was there a slow build up?" You involuntarily took notes for any PR rep of his that wanted solid evidence that would preside this call, cover your bases and your poor ass along with it.

"Instantly. Our chemistry read was off the charts." He explains with a slight hiccup. "Sorry."

"Great. So it was more so a work relationship that later grew into something more correct?"

"Pretty much."

"So when did you start developing feelings for her?"

"Um I'd say..." Chris tucks his chin, burps and then excuses himself before continuing. "Just before we wrapped up filming. But then I think somewhere in between all that I realized that she was my kind of girl, my... better half."

"And what made you come to that realization?"

"Well for one she has this infectious laugh that would have you laughing with her, there's that sound of beauty and pureness to it. And then with that, there were all the little things she'd do for me that made me think, like damn she's the one, she's it for me and that for better or for worse, I'd need her more than she'd ever need me."

Chris gets sad and you feel for him. Your pen stops moving when you were about to prescribe him some mind memory exercises. He was human. Humans hurt. Humans make mistakes. Humans stray but they also love. That's all Chris did. He loved with all of his heart to not expect the same love in return.

"You know Chris, we don't always get the love we deserve and sometimes its sucks. Sometimes you wanna kick it back with a bottle of Dewars 18 and shake your fists in the air." Chris quietly perks up at your choice of alcohol that you didn't know he was forcefully downing. He fashions a small half smile that you don't see but hear faintly. "But there's also a time and a place and things happen, people come apart, people get together, people do people and there's that fine line of letting life run its uneven course."

"I mean you sometimes have to not be okay to be okay again and I know that from my many years of helpful healing. It gets okay, never fully better and I think that's just how it is. You acknowledge your pain, your trauma and then you go on while being mindful of that transition."

"Wow."

"Hey, um, look, I actually have to get going. But if you can, just down the rest of that bottle and get yourself home."

"Are you sure?" Chris gawks.

"I mean you were already halfway through and it's not like I can physically stop you, right? And besides this is what I'm prescribing to you. I want you to acknowledge your pain, drink away your sorrows and then smash that bottle so you can be relieved from that trauma and hurt. After that you need to fix up and start new, have a mature conversation with her, if you can and then have your feet hitting the ground again. Don't fall into the routine of heartbreak even if it becomes too hard, you hear me?"

"Loud and clear."

"Good." You sniff and start to put things away. "I know you're a good guy Chris, from how you are on TV and in interviews, I'm amazed by how articulate you are. You have the right mindset so I have no doubts that you'll fall back in any way. But if you do, please don't hesitate to reach out, I might have to hand you off to another cohort but nonetheless it can be worked out even if it does feel like you might be sparring on your own. You'll get the help you need."

"Great, thanks." Chris responds in his conscious state of thought. He feels pathetic with himself and that doesn't have you galling over the fact, instead you let him be.

"Do you need me to order you an Uber? Cab? Call a friend for ya?" You laugh easily and Chris hears it clearly, smiling in return.

"An Uber would be nice. I'll try to share you my location."

"Sure, on me and that'd be great."

"Thanks."

"No problem... And your ride should be here in two minutes, just look out for Raul in black Elantra." You inform him after checking your phone.

"Nice."

"You have a goodnight now Chris."

"You too." The line cuts and you're given a piece of your life back. You gather your belongings, flip off the light switch and make your way home. There's some truth and some brokenness in every situation. You knew Chris was going to be OK even if he didn't consult you afterwards. For you, there was no need. He's a smart man and he proves this over a prolonged period of time when he finally finds himself back on the market and then eventually in a relationship with a faceless and very loving woman from his own hometown.

He was finally happy, making you serendipitously glad that you were the caller he had reached.

[flowerypeaches]

Mothership

“What is that?”

Hero stopped their approach, a positively bored expression on their face. “What are you doing?”

Their nemesis, who was currently pointing behind Hero with an incredibly overexaggerated look of surprise, rolled their eyes, “Uh, giving you your cue?”

“My cue?”

Villain sighed loudly, dropping the egregious pose. “You're supposed to turn your head, in a suitably dramatic fashion of course, search for what I was pointing at, only for it to be revealed a ruse, granting me the opportunity to strike you unawares so I may gain the upper hand in our skirmish.”

“Mhm, and why would I fall for something so stupid?”

“Because you are stupid?”

“...”

“Ow, okay, okay!” Villain held a hand to their nose, grimacing as it came back bloody from Hero’s rather crude punch. “See, this is what I was trying to avoid. No story, no drama, no excitement. What if I let you get a few good hits in afterwards?”

Hero replied by kicking Villain’s feet out from under them, knocking them onto the cold and cracked pavement. “Looks like I’m already getting a few good hits in.” They leaned over Villain, arms crossed. “Now, are we going to actually fight, or are you going to keep trying to direct your own personal soap opera?”

Hero waited for Villain’s patented snarky response, specifically about how soap operas are a valid form of art and Hero would be wise not to disrespect it, yadda yadda, but none came. In fact, Villain wasn’t even looking at them.

“Uh, Villain? You still with me?” 

Villain’s voice was barely above a whisper, “What is that?”

“Seriously? It hasn’t even been a minute and you’re really using the sa-”

“I’m not screwing with you, Hero, there’s something in the sky!”

Hero had to admit, Villain’s acting had gotten much better in the last thirty seconds, but no matter how real it looked, they weren’t going to fall for it. Villain might be messing around now, but Hero couldn’t forget that they were a criminal, and a dangerous one at that.

They reached down, pulling Villain, who was still staring into the sky, up by their collar. “Look, I get that you never got the lead role in the school play or whatever, and want to make the world burn because of it, but could you, just this once, take our fight seriously?”

“I think it's getting closer.”

Hero ignored them, “I’m tired of the other heroes telling me I have it easy because my nemesis would rather focus on projecting their monologue to all of the hostages than actually rob the bank they broke into to begin with.” Sure, Hero was thankful Villain’s obsession with the dramatic kept them from causing too much destruction, but they had their own reputation to uphold, and constant stalemates with the theatre school reject did not help! “Let me tell you what. If you go down to the station without a fuss, then maybe I can get you into one of the nicer cell blocks. You know, the ones with the view of the hills. Does that sound good? Villain? Are you even lis-”

Blinding light filled Hero’s eyes and ears, cutting off every train of thought and any plan of action they might have had before then. They looked up, and despite the harsh light making their eyes water, they could make out the vague shape of a disc floating directly above them.

Oh.

Oh no.

“Told you.”

Hero looked back down to their nemesis, who looked much too smug for the situation at hand, and sneered, “Maybe if you didn’t insist on playing drama club, I might have actually taken you seriously.”

Villain had the courtesy to drop their grin, squinting up at the…  “Is it getting brighter?”

It was, and that meant it was too late for Hero to prevent what was about to happen. Familiar cold heat ran through their veins as their limbs locked in place.

A safety precaution.

Definitely not to prevent anyone caught in the beam from escaping.

“Hero? I-I can’t move.” Villain said.

Villain.

They shouldn’t be here.

Hero’s eyes widened, realizing just how screwed they were. They tried to relax their hands, to let go of Villain, to shove them out of the beam, anything, but only managed to twitch their muscles, as if they were encased in a steel mold.

Villain seemed to be doing the same thing, though the trembling may have just been the fear. Any other time, Hero would have loved to see Villain’s mask slip. To force them to acknowledge that, yes, Hero was a real threat to their criminal livelihood. Instead, Villain acted as if Hero was a fellow actor, asking for Hero’s thoughts on new scenes they came up with, or excitedly talking about whatever had happened in their soap that day, a neon flashing sign that indicated they were in desperate need of friends. Did… did that mean Villain thought they were friends?

Not the time.

Hero gave up on their efforts, and let the looming dread wash over them. This wasn’t acceptance, no, they were just giving themself a moment to rest before they faced what was up in the ship. Oh, they weren’t ready.

Two enemies, encircled and entrapped in an ever growing light, locked eyes. 

“We’re so f-”

And as quick as it had appeared, the burning light and mysterious ship attached to it, along with Hero and Villain, vanished into the night.

.·°·.·°·.·°·.

Light surrounded Villain. The ambient noise of the city was replaced by a low, droning hum. Any sense of direction was lost as gravity no longer affected them. They were weightless, and, even in this world of superpowers, nothing made sense. Where did the city go? Why couldn’t they move? How were they floating? The light was all-consuming, and Villain would have thought themself lost in it if not for the deathgrip Hero still had around their collar. 

Slowly, the light faded, and Villain felt their own weight return to them. Their legs wobbled, and in an instant, whatever force that held them in place disappeared. They would have fallen if not for Hero, who still held them in their grasp.

“What just happened?” Villain said, though not really expecting an explanation.

Looking around, they could see they were now in a circular, silver chamber. Dials and switches and lights and symbols dotted the walls, communicating something or other, and the floor was, what was that, carpet? Villain shuddered. Honestly, it looked a lot like a cheap sci-fi set for a tv show that should have been cancelled three seasons ago than a futuristic aircraft capable of teleporting human beings.

“Oh, no, no, no.” Villain jumped at Hero’s voice, and stumbled as their anchor let them go to run over to a wall.

Not a wall. A window.

Villain blinked.

A window that showed… Earth? No, that couldn’t be right. If they were looking at the earth, that could only mean...

“Shit, we’re already in orbit.” Hero said.

Villain blinked.

They were in space. Space. That was impossible, right? They couldn’t actually be in space. But here they were, staring at the little blue marble with their very own eyes. Was the room spinning? Or was it the spaceship?

Villain ran their hands through their hair.

They were in a spaceship. A spaceship. That was impossible, right? They couldn’t actually be in a spaceship. But here they were, having been abducted by the UFO just seconds ago. By what? Aliens?

Aliens.

Villain forced their gaze away to keep themself from spiraling, instead focusing on Hero, who has since moved on from the window to the numerous switches and lights, tapping the wall and looking at the symbols that popped up. Villain didn’t understand what Hero was trying to do, it wasn’t like they could understand what any of it meant.

Three deep breaths, and Villain made the best plan ever made in 24 seconds. They stepped up next to their nemesis.

“Hero?”

Hero’s hand was covering their mouth, muttering something to themself, and clearly not paying attention. Nevertheless, Villain continued, “Now, as much as I hate to say it, I think we may have to work together to get back on Earth.” Truth be told, in any other circumstance, Villain would have been ecstatic to work with their nemesis. Whether to defeat a worse villain or take down some other hero that had become corrupt, they would have welcomed the opportunity wholeheartedly. 

Why? Well, Villain would argue that it was more interesting, that their relationship, and subsequent fights, would have more dramatic tension. Definitely not because of any other tension that may arise from spending time together.

Villain puffed out their chest, “Lucky for you, I have decided to put aside our differences, and your lack of charisma, to take the initiative and save us both from peril. Yes, this does go against my better judgement, and yes, it may possibly be my most difficult role to date, but if it means I get to go back home in time to watch my soaps, then it’ll be worth it.”

Hero finally turned towards them, “Do you ever shut up?”

“Only for dramatic effect.” Villain said with an award-winning smile, earning an eye roll and a huff of annoyance. “So… what do you think we should do?”

“I thought you said you’d take the initiative?”

“Yes, the initiative in proposing we work together.”

“...”

Villain held up their hands, “Hey, hey, before you go punching willy nilly, why don’t you tell me what you were doing over here? Get anything useful from the flashing green triangle you were poking at?” They would have teased more, but Hero’s lack of response made them move on. “What are you thinking?”

Hero’s eyes flickered to the wall and back to Villain. “You need to leave.”

Villain blinked.

“Well, obviously we need to escape. We were abducted!”

Hero shook their head, “No, you need to leave. I’ll stay, and deal with-”

“What? And how are you going to figure out how anything works, huh? Even if you do, why wouldn’t you just come back with me?”

“It’s not that simple, I can’t re-”

A low, loud beep interrupted the enemies, and Villain turned their head in time for a wall opposite the window to open up and let someone through. Someone distinctly… humanlike. 

The person, an older woman by the looks of it, smiled brightly and opened their arms. “ .·°¯°·.·° .·°° ?”

That was distinctly not humanlike. It was like hearing someone speak through water, and an undercurrent of static scratched the inside of Villain’s ears. 

The woman—were they even a person?—walked closer, and Hero quickly stepped in front of Villain, shielding them.

She paid no mind, however, and spoke again, “ .·°¯°·.·° .·°° ,” looking expectantly at Hero, who, after a moment of hesitation, stepped forward. Her smile widened, and Villain was hit with a sense of deja vu. She pulled Hero close, and, were they hugging? Why was Hero letting her? What was happening? 

The woman whispered something to Hero, but it wasn’t like Villain could understand even if they tried. Hero turned back to Villain, giving them an apologetic smile before, “ ° .·°° ° .¯ .”

Villain’s jaw dropped.

Hero was replying to the woman. Which meant they understood her. Which meant they knew whatever language was being spoken. Which meant… which meant… Why were they abducted in the first place?

The danger presented itself fully to Villain.

They had been taken off the face of the earth by their mortal enemy, or someone who was well acquainted with them, at the very least, and had no possibility of escape. Villain considered themself clever, but trying to figure out how alien—alien!—technology worked was beyond them. They had to rely wholly on Hero, who, although Villain was loath to admit it, hated their guts. Hero could be plotting in front of Villain right now and they would be none the wiser.

Hero wouldn’t do that. Villain tried to reassure themself, because Hero wouldn’t send them off with some unknown alien being. They’d want to arrest Villain proper, right? Arrest and put them in some high security cell they’d break out of a month later. It was their thing. Villain didn’t want their thing to end.

Huh.

Villain shook their head, they’d have to examine and repress that particular line of thought later, because the woman was suddenly standing in front of them, startling Villain out of their thoughts. She reached out, clutching Villain's jaw with cold fingers, turning them this way and that. As if they were being studied. Was Villain wrong? Was Hero really getting rid of them?

“ ¯ .·°°·°¯ .” She said. Villain’s ears itched worse now that the woman was closer.

Maybe Hero thought they were doing Villain a favour, sending them off on an adventure, letting them create their own melodramatic space opera. Or maybe this was punishment for all the dated Space Trek references. Both were a possibility.

Familiar hands pulled Villain away from the woman and into Hero’s chest. They were not blushing.

“ .·° .¯°·°° !” Hero’s voice was raised, clearly upset at whatever the woman had said.

She, however, was unaffected by Hero’s outburst, gesturing between the two enemies with raised eyebrows, “ °·.°·.°¯°·. .” 

Hero shook their head, and Villain felt Hero’s grip tighten ever so slightly, “ °·.°¯ .·°°·.°°¯ .”

A strange noise came from the woman, sounding almost like… bubbles? It was clearer than the other times she spoke, and it was the way she moved that made Villain realize it was a laugh. She was laughing at Villain. Or Hero. Both?

Hero’s hands were shaking, and Villain couldn’t tell if it was with anger or fear. 

“ ·° .·° .” Hero was curt with her, and Villain recognized the tone from when they threatened to blow up City Hall. The tone that preceded their fights.

The woman seemed to recognize the tone as well, as she backed off a little, holding her hands up in a placating way. She gave Villain a small wave before nodding at Hero, “ ·.°.°¯°°¯° .· .·° .” and left, the wall closing up behind her.

The pair stood in silence.

Hero let go of Villain, letting them step away. Except, they didn’t. In fact, they did nothing of the sort. Villain spun on their heels and stepped forward, “What on ear–ugh, what just happened?”

“There, um, might be a slight problem.”

“Slight problem? You call this”—Villain gestured wildly around them, narrowly avoiding hitting Hero in the face—”a slight problem?”

Hero leaned away from Villain, avoiding their eyes.

“Care to explain? Anything? At all?”

“Where do I start?”

Villain’s theatrics, for once, wasn’t uncalled for. “Oh, I don’t know, how about the fact that we were abducted? That we are in space? Or, or!” Villain backed off, giving themself room to pace around the circular room and project their panic to an audience of one, “That there is an alien speaking to you, Hero, in an alien language, because no human could actually sound like that, acting like she knows you, and you, you reply to her? As if you know her too?”

“Yeah, that would be my… mother.”

“Your mother.”

Hero nodded.

“Your mother who lives in a spaceship. Who speaks an alien language.”

“Who is an alien.”

“Who is an alien.” It took a good second for the words to sink in. “Your mother is an alien?! Like, an alien from an alien planet?”

Hero nodded again.

Villain felt their brain short-circuit. “Does that mean…”

“That I’m an alien from an alien planet? Yes.”

Villain felt lightheaded. This was okay. This was manageable. This world-shattering, insane truth of the universe was perfectly manageable, and they were not going to spiral, not for one second. Deep breaths. One… two… three… Villain stopped pacing, facing Hero with the calmest expression the latter had ever seen on the former. “Okay, so now that you’ve had your nice little family reunion, we can go back, right?”

Hero’s face was a cross between a smile and a wince.

Villain’s expression twitched, but held firm, “And why not?”

“Well, my mother-”

“The alien.”

Hero tried not to get annoyed, but damn, did Villain make it hard. “Yes, my mother the alien. She, erm,” They groaned, covering their face with their hands, “She may have made a fundamental mistake about the nature of our relationship.”

“And what mistake would that be?” Villain grit their teeth.

“She may, perhaps, think that, we’re… dating.”

“Louder, Hero. Speak so everyone in the audience can hear you.”

“She thinks we’re dating!”

Villain blinked, completing the rule of thirds and simultaneously breaking their composure. So much for not spiraling. “Dating?” Their voice squeaked.

“Dating,” Hero nodded, “And-”

“There’s more?!” Villain turned away, back to pacing and practically pulling their hair out from the absurdity.

“And, the reason we can’t leave yet is because she invited us to dinner.”

Oh. Oh, no. Oh, no no no.

“What’s wrong? I thought you loved drama.” Hero said, failing to lighten the mood. “Aren’t family confrontations and misunderstandings the bread and butter of soap operas?”

“My love of drama left me when we left the atmosphere.” Villain glared at Hero with enough ferocity to start a fire.

Villain walked up to the walls, flicking the switches and turning the dials, to see if, miraculously, they could make the ship go back to the city. The lights blinked mockingly in response.

“Uh, Villain?”

“There doesn’t happen to be an escape pod on this ship, does there?”

“Unfortunately not.”

“We’re really going to have to do this, aren’t we?” Villain said, turning to face their nemesis.

“Unfortunately yes.”

Two enemies, both flushed head to toe from frustration and embarrassment, locked eyes.

And Villain, lover of monologues and soliloquies, came up with the most profound, most thought-provoking line they could think of.

“We’re so fucked.”

Hero was inclined to agree.

[niksfics]

↬ WHAT COULD NEVER BE PT. 2

↬ PAIRINGS: Atsumu x f!reader (ft Bokuto)

↬ WARNINGS: sad shit, horrible writing (I feel like I botched this) kagehina mention, cheating, alcohol mention, reversed unrequited love. !! UNEDITED!!

↬ SUMMARY: honorable mention goes to @multi-fandom-fanfic for giving me this idea in the comment section of the first part it’s not exactly years later but it’s still some time later

↬ A/N: I totally did not cry while writing this pft

↬ WC: | 1.5K |

↬ TAG(S): @erinoikawa @fromdelos

“What does she have that I don’t” the amount of times that, that sentence had played over in my head was starting to exhaust me. Remembering the desperation in my voice caused my nose to scrunch up in a cringe until I shook the thoughts out of my head. Walking away from bokuto that night had been the second hardest thing I’d ever had to do in my life so far.

Weeks and weeks later I’d still had the ache in my chest the tears still welled up in my eyes whenever I thought about him with her, but these tears never fell. I hadn’t fully cried over him in weeks and I patted myself on the back for that. I could feel myself starting to move on. To forget.

I still cheered for the MSBY Black Jackals, but I had started online college to get my fashion degree. I’d always had a dream to work for a big corporation like vogue. Things in my life were finally starting to look up, and Miya Atsumu had taken the place that bokuto had left open that night.

He was my support system. Coddling me when he could in the weeks following bokutos wedding. I was unaware of his feelings. Oblivious at first. Until I started to notice the lingering touches he left, and although I was worried about hurting him, it excited me.

— — —

Two years had passed since the night I realized I would never feel my best friends embrace they way I craved. Two years, and now I craved a different persons embrace. The person I’d been dating for a year now, and in the second year of the two years I’d spent healing I’d slowly started mending my friendship with Bokuto. Of course I’d spoken to atsumu about it, and he’d shared his concerns but I was serious about the blonde man who’d unexpectedly stolen my heart.

I had been so caught up in Miya Atsumu it was like highschool all over again. He made me feel alive, and I grounded him when he felt like he was drifting away. The separation from his twin took a harder toll on him than he ever would have realized. So being the loving girlfriend I was I’d organized a night out with the Jackals; Kotaro and koyuki, Kiyoomi, Hinata and kageyama me and Atsumu, and Osamu and his girlfriend. It would be the first time we would all be together since the wedding.

I was nervous and this night would be the start of something out of anyone’s control. It started off normal Osamu and Atsumu hugging and exchanging pleasantries before they would start bickering and trying to compete over something stupid during dinner.

Shy kageyama who had been so stiff at the wedding seemed to be in his element with his arm draped over hinata’s shoulders while he whispered in his ear. The ginger smiling lovingly at his fiancé and it got me thinking about marrying Atsumu. It sparked a tsunami of feeling throughout my body and I found myself smiling to myself before, Cadence —osamu’s stunning girlfriend from the states— bumped my shoulder with hers and smirked at me.

“I’m glad you came up with this idea. Samu was starting to get all pissy about not being able to see his brother.” I smiled sheepishly and blushed as I shook my hand, “it was nothing tsumu was getting the same way and I really wanted to meet you so it was a win win.” She smiled and I caught bokuto looking at me from across the table. The chair next to him empty.

I smiled and leaned across the table, “hey bo! Where’s the missus?” His smile faltered slightly and if I wasn’t so good at reading bokuto I would have missed it entirely but I didn’t, “oh she had to stay late in the office tonight so she couldn’t come.” I gave him a sympathetic smile and he shrugged before the waiter came to our table and I turned to Atsumu.

Later on in the night I had gotten pretty tipsy the champagne finally hitting me, and I smiled lazily at Atsumu, adoration in my eyes and he smirked, “s’the alcohol finally getting to ya pretty girl?” He asked and I nodded before putting my forhead on his upper arm and sighing.

He moves to stand up taking a glass and a knife with him, and my eyes widen in horror over what he’s about to do. He clinks the knife on the glass a bit to carelessly and it breaks, “ah!! tsumu ya moron what the hell are ya doin?” Osamu asks standing up abruptly to avoid the liquid as a waiter rushes over to clean up the mess.

Atsumu smiles and turns to the waiter and apologizes before looking over the table at our friends, “well I just wanted ta toast ta my amazing girlfriend who I would not have if it weren’t for that idiot right there,” I facepalm as he points at bokuto and bokuto winces slightly before looking at me pained and I mouth a sorry to him.

“So thank ya buddy cause if ya weren’t oblivious I would never have gotten such an amazing partner who loves me so much that she brought my annoying little brother out here to see me.” I hear Osamu groan and roll his eyes.

“you’re only three minutes older than me ya troll.” Atsumu smiles patronizingly at osamu, “shut yer trap samu yer elder is talkin'.” Everyone laughs at that and he finally sits down before I hit his shoulder and smile at him slightly, “you’re an idiot tsum-tsum” he shrugs, “but I’m yer idiot right y/n?” And then he plants a big sloppy kiss on my cheek and I squeal in disgust.

The amount of happiness and joy coursing through my body had been missed. I was finally over the one person I thought I would need to live, and with the person I was destined for. I finally had what bokuto had. I couldn’t be happier.

After that night things between me and bokuto were tense for awhile. I brushed it off as he thought maybe I was still hung up on him. Oh how I couldn’t have been more wrong. I had no idea the anger and jealousy that was bubbling up under bokutos skin, and the most frustrating part of all of the bullshit that was going on, was he didn’t understand why he felt like this. He was happily married. I mean as happily married as one person could be right?

It only got worse though when two weeks later Miya fucking Atsumu was calling him asking for his help to propose to his best friend. He was annoyed and irritated and his wife was coming home at two in the morning smelling different than when she had left. It was not a happy time for him, but he obliged telling him about how the beach would be the most perfect place, and to make sure that he does it at night.

He also added in that he should create a pathway lit by fairy lights because I would simply die over it, and how I didn’t like diamonds so make sure it wasn’t a cliche ass diamond.

And that’s how I found myself on the beach my heart had completely broke on, a week later in front of the man I love as he kneeled with a gorgeous jeweled ring in a black velvet box in his hands.

“Will you y/n y/l/n make me the happiest man in the world and marry me?” The tears collecting in my eyes were the happiest tears I’d ever cried in my life as I knelt down and hugged him around his neck, “yes yes!! Yes! Of course I will tsumu”

We hadn’t seen bokuto in the distance watching us with tears in his eyes as he realized what he’d lost. As he wished he could go back in time and do it all over. Do things differently.

Maybe he would have let you keep his jacket on in that storage supply closet. Maybe he should have asked you to get boba instead of koyuki, maybe he should have realized sooner he was projecting onto koyuki because he was scared to love his best friend the way he knew you loved him.

So as he stared at the RSVP card in his hands with yours and Atsumu’s names on it in fancy handwriting. He wonders if this is how you felt when you had gotten his card with koyuki, he wonders if you had felt as lost and hopeless, and torn between wanting you to be happy and also wanting you to be with him instead. So as he swallowed the same lump you had swallowed two almost three years ago he realized that this was some kind of sick karma.

He felt partially responsible for the mess that this had become. You and him were never meant to be.

[hauntedbythefanficsofmypast]

Blacklisted

"Blacklisted…" Marinette whispered her face blank as she stared at Chloe's worried face. "Adrien and Lila had Gabriel blacklist me." Tears gathered in the corners of her eyes as she choked back sobs, she covered her face with her hands. Chloe moved quickly pulling her shaking friend into her arms. "What am I going to do Chloe? Fashion was my future-and-and they ruined it for me. Four years of college all for nothing." Marinette sobbed into Chloe's shoulder as both girls sank to the ground.

"I don't know Marinette, I really don't know." Chloe said quietly she pulled back and pulled a handkerchief out of her bag. She brushed it across Marinette's cheeks wiping away the tears. "My mother confronted him and he refused to unblacklist you. It ended in a screaming match and mother declaring that Bourgeois would never associate with them again. Mother has been trying to counter the blacklist but Agreste has gotten too far already Mari." Marinette sniffled nodding as Tikki and Pollen flew over to their holders tentatively, the other Kwami remained near Pollen's little mansion.

"There is nothing that can be done? There has to be something!" Tikki said with anger clear in her voice. Marinette gave her a sad smile holding out her hand for Tikki to sit in it. Pollen landed in Chloe's open hand curling her arms around Chloe's thumb.

"No Tikki there is nothing we can do. We just have to move on." Marinette said they could all hear the anguish in her voice. She took a deep breath stopping herself from crying. "Plagg," she called softly , causing the Kwami to fly over. "normally I wouldn't allow this, but I think Gabriel has a streak of bad luck coming don't you?" Plagg was silent before her let out a loud cackle flying around Marinette's head.

"Oh kid, you're my favorite Ladybug for sure! What do you say Tikki, want to take away his creativity?" Tikki frowned part of her wanted to join in, but part of her pointed out that she should be the better person. "Come on Sugar Cube, I know you want to get payback for your chosen." Plagg said softly, smirking more when Tikki sighed and nodded. 

"But only once." She said looking at him with her own glare.

"It's funny," Audrey commented during dinner, she looked up with a smirk. "ever since Gabriel made the mistake of blacklisting you six months ago his designs have really dropped." She let out a laugh before taking a sip of her wine. "On top of that he has not only lost workers, but I heard there is a scandal going on with his son and the model of his!" Chloe snorted at that shaking her head, she took a bite of her steak. She glanced over at Marinette sending her a gentle smile, Marinette returned it before turning back to Audrey. "Mari dear, have you decided on what you want to do? I told you once I have absolutely no problem with you remaining here. On top of that I am more than willing to help you sell your designs under the acronym MDC like you've been doing with Jagged." Marinette glanced down at her food before looking up with a small smile.

"I am going to keep designing for Jagged and Clara. However I will not for others

, no, I have other plans now. Audrey you like my food, pastries, and weird drinks, yes?" Audrey glanced at Chloe in confusion before nodding.

"Yes I find it pretty amazing that you can make pastries from all over the world. Your apple pie is my favorite, although it is the reason that I have to work out so much." The comment caused the two young women to burst into soft laughter. "What does this have to do with anything?" Marinette smiled and placed her elbows on the table resting her chin on one hand. She smirked slightly thinking over her plan. 

"You see they derailed my dream just a bit, yes, but I have two loyal customers so I'm not completely stuck. I am not a one trick pony, I have a lot of talents." The mother and daughter were silent both confused, causing Marinette to laugh softly. "I was raised in a bakery, and my Great Uncle is a world renowned chef. I think a restaurant is in my future." Audrey smirked as she held her wine glass up.

"You see Mari, this is why you're one of my favorites, you never let anything keep you down. You'll have my backing and my husband's as well. With Chloe's help we are going to make your restaurant a hit." She shared a smile with her daughter knowing that Marinette's restaurant would be a hit when it opened. "Just one question Mari, what is the theme?" Marinette smirked looking over at Chloe with a twinkle in her eye.

"It's going to be subtlety themed around Paris's heros. Ladybug, Lynx(Felix), Viperion, Ryuko, Queen Bee and current Honeywell. Each hero will have their own signature dish. That is their personal favorite, Ladybug's is macaroons with her famous spotted design. Lynx's is Soupe à l'oignon, and so on. Desserts will be specially designed after their hero., While meals will be served on dishes resembling their costumes." 

“Well, you know you’ll have my full backing. Once you pick the perfect location I will have construction workers on the site, and once they’re done interior decorators to listen to your every input! On top of that I will make sure to talk up your restaurant to every business partner I have.” Audrey declared gently dabbing around her mouth with a napkin. She placed the napkin down before standing up; she made her way to Chloe grabbing her daughter's face and kissing her forehead gently, before doing the same to Marinette. “Now it is time for me to retire to bed. Don’t stay up too late girls!” She waved walking to the door nodding when Butler Jean opened the door for her. “Much appreciate Jean.” She gave him a rare smile, one which he returned with his own. Chloe and Marinette shared a look giggling softly together as Jean closed the door behind Audrey.

“Well, Dupain-Cheng, shall we retire as well?” Chloe said mimicking her mother’s voice. Marinette snorted covering her face with her napkins as Butler Jean gave Chloe a stern look struggling to hide his own smile.

“It’s beautiful.” Audrey said in awe taking in her once protegees restaurant. The outside of the store was simple yet elegant. Cream bricks with black accents, the two large windows were slightly tinted and had the name written in elegant cursive. ‘Miraculous’ The outside sitting area was gated off with a station for the host that provided shade on particularly hot days. It was divided into different sections, for certain Parisian heroes. Ladybug, Lynx, Viperion, Ryuko, and Honeywell. Each section was styled after their hero, Marinette and the interior designers had managed to make it so the colors didn’t clash. Instead they gave off a look of abstract beauty. In the middle of the outside area sat one table that had a sign stating it was permanently reserved for the original Queen Bee. The table made Chloe shine with happiness that only doubled once she realized that there was also a table inside reserved just for her. The inside was much the same except in the middle of the restaurant their was another table for Chloe. There was a window that took up much of the back wall, displaying the kitchen where ten chefs were divided in two, each learning their heroes menu together. There were two hallways on either side, the right had the bathrooms and the left had five private rooms. Each styled after their hero. "I must say, I was unsure that you'd be able to fit their colors together. However, you and the interior designers pulled it off flawlessly. May I see the menus?" Marinette smirked a twinkle in her eye as she held up five menus.

"Five menus for each hero. Which one would you like to see? The waiters and waitresses are instructed to request what hero's menu they would like to eat from. Each has eight different meals, five deserts, one specialty drink, and specialty salad, the only thing they have in common is drinks. side salads and soups. Two waiters and two chefs for each hero, more will be added if needed. The chefs have their own spaces together in the kitchen."  Marinette surveyed the restaurant, a smile taking over her face as she took in her finished product. Butler Jean walked up placing a hand on her shoulder, his gentle smile already present.

"If I may break character for just a second, I must say and I'm sure Mistress Bourgeois and Mistress Chloe agree, I am quite proud of you Miss Marinette. You've truly outdone yourself." Chloe nodded and came up hugging Marinette's arm smiling at her as Marinette started to tear up. The tears didn't fall until Audrey placed her hand on the back of Marinette's head, a rare smile on her face.

"Thank you for everything." She whispered softly, smiling brightly at them.

"Don't bemused, it's just the news! Nadja Chamack back again! Good afternoon Paris! New in Paris today, I'm sure you have all heard of the hit restaurant Miraculous that only opened a week ago! Well Paris, I have the inside scoop for you today! I was invited by the owner of the restaurant just last night! Now I am sure you are all wondering! Nadja, how did you get a direct invitation?! I was shocked too! Only to discover the owner of the restaurant was my goddaughter Marinette Dupain-Cheng! Marinette is twenty-three years old and now owns one of the most popular restaurants in Paris! Let me tell you! The restaurant is absolutely beautiful and styled after our heroes, you all know Ladybug is my personal favorite. So Marinette set up a private room for my daughter and me. She has five private rooms, all designated with a specific hero, so obviously my room was Ladybug's! I must say the restaurant is truly one of a kind! Marinette has out done herself, and its not just me saying that. Jagged Stone, Audrey Bourgeois, Clara Nightingale, and even some famous actors and musicians have all gone to Miraculous this past week. Each one had raving reviews, so much so that many celebrities and even some heroes are coming to Paris just to eat there. Pictures on Jagged's and Clara's Instagrams show them posing with a bright eyed Marinette, in one of the private rooms together! I think Paris agrees with me when I say this, congratulations Marinette, and I must say this to my goddaughter, I'm so proud of you Marinette. Now it’s time for sports-" Lila paused the tv glaring at is as she stared at the picture of Marinette between Jagged and Clara. She screamed throwing the remote at the wall, causing Adrien to tense up in their share kitchen. He sighed glaring down at his coffee only sparing a glance at the tv as he stirred. 

'When will she stop causing problems, I seriously thought she was more mature than this. But no she just has to keep thrusting herself into the spotlight knowing it'll piss Lila off.' He shook his head turning to watch his fiance finish her tantrum, as a smirk covered her face, a plan clearly forming. Only briefly did he wonder what the new lie was going to be this time. 'I am surprised she didn't just give up when we ruin her dream. Lila and father thought for sure that would break her.' He glanced down at his right hand where the ring use to rest anger growing in his chest. 'She deserves it, if she had just kept her mouth shut things would be different. No, she had to tell Ladybug everything when she discovered my identity. If it wasn't for her I'd still be Chat Noir, things would be different. I'd be with the love of my life and out of my father's control. This is all her fault, she deserves to be ruined.' Lila turned to him with a predatory smirk, her eyes glinting in the light as she walked up to him. She wrapped her arms around his neck leaning against him standing on her toes as she lifted one leg into the air. She bit her lip before kissing him and pulling back their lips barely touching as they stared into each others eyes. 

" We're going to get reservations at her crappy little restaurant, and we are going to destroy it and her name for good." Adrien smiled and placed his mug down wrapping his arms around her waist. He pulled her closer kissing her deeply before pulling back

"I'll have Nathalie set them up for us under my name. Now go get dressed, we have a photoshoot at 5." He let Lila go picking up his phone and texting Nathalie as Lila went to the shared room in their penthouse. He picked his coffee back up and starred at the picture of Marinette on the tv a smirk crossing his face. 

Two days later however they were all furious when the reservations were denied under all their names. They were only given reservations after using a fake name. When the day came they were dressed to impress and arrived in a limo. Lila smirked before letting her mask fall into place, as paparazzi turned to them and started taking pictures. She wrapped her arms around Adrien's arm giggling and waving at them until they reached the door only to be stopped by two guards and a hostess who was looking down at her book. "Name?"

"We are under Anthony Stewart." Adrien said smiling charmingly. The host ran her finger down the book till she came to the name. She nodded and looked up glancing at them before turning to the guards only to turn back surprised.

"I apologize we do have a Anthony Stewart down for reservations but you are not him." Adrien smiled nodding to her glancing at Lila. 

"Yes, you see my assistant set up the reservation for us under his name." The hostess gave them a tight smile before nodding politely. 

"Yes we do allow that to be done here. Unfortunately I am still not allowed to let you in." She said holding back a smirk at their shocked faces as the cameras began to take even more pictures.

"What do you mean you're not allowing us in?!" Lila said anger displayed clearly on her face.

"I'm truly sorry, here Maya let me take over while you take care of our other guests." Marinette said as she stepped out of the restaurant. She hair was pulled into an elegant up do, still wearing her signature black earrings. However she had a simple pairing of silver glasses on and was wearing a pink pencil skirt a white ruffled top and a black blazer. Her nails were a soft pink matching her toes as she wore black open toed heels. Both Adrien and Lila saw the glint in her eye even though she was smiling politely at them. "I really hoped you would all take the hint when reservations under your name were all rejected. You see I refuse to allow petty drama cause problems for my restaurant, and I'm afraid that you two bring drama with you where ever you go. However I can see my hint was not noticed so I'll tell you myself. Lila Rossi, Adrien Agreste, you two and your families are banned from setting foot into my restaurant. So sorry, but after you two repeatedly bullied me, spread lies about me and tried to ruin my future, I simply couldn't find it in myself to allow you in. Now please leave, your blocking other customers." Marinette turned and began to walk back into the restaurant until Adrien grabbed her arm dragging her back roughly.

"Now listen here Marinette!" He started until Marinette turned to him no fear in her eyes as she drew her free arm back and decked him. Adrien released her arm falling backwards holding his nose in pain, Marinette falling to the ground holding her arm gingerly.

"How dare you!?!" Lila snapped dropping down and wrapping her arms around Adrien's shoulders protectively, glaring at Marinette attempting to play the victims. "Thats it! We are sueing you for everything you have, I can't believe you just assaulted Adrien!" She smirked as she watched an officer get out of her car and advance on them. "Officer! Officer please arrest her! She just assaulted my fiance!" Lila cried out as tears began to fall. 

"I'm afraid I'll be taking Mr. Agreste into custody instead Miss Rossi. I was here the entire time and I watched him grab Miss Dupain-Cheng roughly. He assaulted her and she defended herself." Sabrina said staring down at the two as Lila looked up at her in shock. Another officer pulled up with his lights on and stepped out of the car. "Raincomprix, an ambulance is on the way to fix his nose before I take him in. Please make sure to get the photographers names, emails and numbers so that we can get pictures and possibly videos. Then take Miss Dupain-Cheng statement along with pictures of her and her arm, I'll take his pictures. After that get witness statements." Sabrina nodded before pulling out her notebook and walking over to the paparazzi. A few minutes later an ambulance pulled up and took care of Adrien before he was escorted to the back of the police car. Lila stood watching in shock, her mind running a mile a minute, she was quick to flee the scene once she realized pictures were still being taken.

The next day they were all over the news and everyone was on Marinette's side. Videos and pictures were all over social media and Gabriel's lawyers told him that there was no way they could save Adrien from being guilty unless they took a plea bargain. Adrien would admit his guilt and instead of jail time he had to pay Marinette a settlement and was given a restraining order to not come within fifty feet of her for five years. Gabriel's brand took a great hit and for a while Lila and Adrien couldn't step outside with out receiving glares or being refused business. Their reputations were dearly hurt and it didn't look like they'd ever be fixed. While Marinette was higher than ever everyone viewing her as a strong and amazing person after she didn't let his attack hold her back. This drove them crazy but they knew they couldn't do anything, Lila however decided that Hawkmoth just needed to target Marinette. Unluckily for them, it was that targeting that gave away Gabriel's identity to Ladybug and the Miraculous team.

A few months later it was breaking news when the Miraculous team brought in Gabriel, Natalie, and Lila and exposed them as Hawkmoth and Mayura, and that Lila was working with them. Adrien was spared after Ladybug revealed that he was Chat Noir. Everyone was ecstatic, parties were thrown and statues of the heros were placed in different parts of the city. It was shortly after that it was revealed that Gabriel blacklisted many people and allowed his designers to steal work in the hopes that they'd get others akumatized. Marinette was ecstatic that her name in fashion was cleared but she told the press she wasn't planning on going back into fashion. That only a few people would receive her designs, and they would only be those that Clara or Jagged recommended. It was a few months later that Gordon Ramsey visited her restaurant everyone was expecting Ramsey to find something to tear apart and were extremely surprised when he made a tweet praising Marinette's meals and her chefs talents. It actually spurred a friendship between the two and soon Gordon was added to the list of people that received her designs. After this everyone was going to Marinette's restaurant, they had reservations book 6 months out. Every day there is new pictures of celebrities at the restaurant Marinette was the new name in restaurants and cooking. She even agreed to star on some cooking shows. Her favorite guest spot was on Nailed it. The show was themed after heroes Jacques Torres made cupcakes specialized after America's heros, while Marinette made a five tier cake, each tier representing a different Parisian hero. Marinette lost it when she saw the cupcakes for Batman and Robin she couldn't stop laughing and immediately took pictures. Marinette and Jacques held multiple conversations in French, both struggling not to laugh as Nicole made faces at them. When Marinette pulled out the money gun she flicked her head done and a pair of Eiffel Tower shaped glasses covered her face. She looked at Nicole seriously and nodded before saying she was ready to complete the mission. This cause Nicole to burst into laughter.  After the winner was announced Marinette made another announcement, all three contestants and their family had an all expenses paid trip to Paris and a free meal at her restaurant Miraculous. It was shortly after that, that Marinette began to open more restaurants starting in each heroes city. Twenty-five percent of their earnings went to either the heros in question or a charity that they picked. Marinette's restaurants got popular quickly and soon she was named the youngest billionaire and only twenty-five years old. Everyone was shocked when majority of her money was put towards charity and thar she began different foundations to help others. She even began programs to pay for peoples schooling in university and colleges. Soon she was invited to charity events all over the world, from the Maria Stark Foundation to the Martha Wayne charity Gala. When she is twenty-six Marinette moves out of Audrey's penthouse and travels between different homes until settling down into a penthouse in New York. Audrey and Chloe both follow her over Audrey simply returning and establishing New York as her base of operations once again.

[wanderlustphatty]

Boxers:: FWxFem!Reader

Summary: Fred and Lee opt for a night in with the reader, and choose some interesting attire.

Warnings: Implied steaminess, kisses. Mostly humorous.

Word count: 1584

Notes: I have no clue why I even did this. It started as a joke, but I could actually see this happening with Fred and Lee lol. I hope you all like it! Hopefully it gives you some serotonin.

Masterlist

"Fred, put your pants on!"

"No."

"Pants time!"

"No."

"Pants party!"

"NoOo."

A sigh escapes her lips as she stares at her husband gaming in his boxers and a t-shirt on the couch. Normally she wouldn't be this adamant, but Lee would be by soon and the three of them were supposed to go out to eat. After all, this whole plan was concocted by them and not her. So why not get dressed? It was normal for the stubborn twin to be fashionably late, but that never stopped her from trying to get him more organized. 

"Lee will be here shortly, love. You need pants," she tried to reason with him. Instead she's met with a smirk and a quick glance. "He's seen me naked before you. Boxers won't bother him." To this she rolls her eyes and turns to walk back into the kitchen. Again, defeat. What would make him budge?

Before she can finish her thought, there's a knock at the door and her husband chimes in telling whoever was outside to come in. Luckily it was Lee and not some stranger. Mentally she makes a note to keep the door locked just in case.

He pauses at the door for a moment, acknowledging that his friend still wasn't fully clothed, and then casually asks "So uh, we still going out tonight, or staying in?" His eyes dart to her and back to the lanky ginger. Yet again Fred answers, this time with his nose curled up slightly. "I was hoping the missus would let us have a relaxing night at home." 

She looks over at him, her gaze searing for a moment before being talked down to an exasperated agreement. "Fine," she says with the slight shake of her head and a small smile tugging at the edge of her lips. It wasn't like it was a date or anything, because he would never pass that up. "I'll order pizza, unless you two want something else." The both of them answer in near unison saying that's fine, and she turns to grab her phone. 

By the time she turns back around, she catches Lee discarding his pants at the door, just like he did his shoes, and heading on into the living room. He and Fred both are laughing as he picks up the second controller and makes himself at home. Neither of the two paused to think that hanging out in their underwear might seem a bit odd. Is this what they did in Gryffindor tower?

Apparently her stares and the lack of talking on the phone made her husband look up. "Everything ok, babe?" Lee turns around to look at you as well, but they both seem fairly oblivious to the awkwardness of the scene. Finally she manages to ask "You two comfortable?" Confusion knits across their brows before it finally dawns on them and they both burst into laughter again. "You got a few husbands when you married me, love. Lee's one of them. If you hurry up and order the pizza, you can run upstairs and put some boxers on too. It'll be a boxers party then." He winks and crimson dusts her cheeks. Again, both guys laugh.

Instead of replying, she simply turns to walk back in the kitchen. She grew up with all the boys, so it wasn't uncommon to see a shirtless George, have Lee stay a few days, and watch Ron wear the same shirt for two days. For some reason though, this was the first time any of his friends had shucked down to their boxers in her presence. In a way she felt honored because of how comfortable Lee felt, but at the same time, underwear is pretty intimate. 

With a sigh she shoves the awkwardness out of her mind and dials the number. Moments later she hangs up the phone, dinner on its way, and reluctantly walks up the steps to her shared bedroom. Fred's eyes watched her as she ascended to the next floor, a mischievous smile playing across his lips. Deep down he knew he could get her to do anything he wanted, including participating in a "boxers party", as he put it. Just as he watched her, she watched him as if to convey he owed her in some way for pushing her boundaries with his friends. As his smile spread and realization started to register within his brain, the controller in his hands vibrated, signaling a defeat of sorts. He quickly turns to Lee and both of them let out amused and defeated groans, but agreed to continue the game.

In her room she found a pair of boxers she had normally reserved for pajamas and slipped them on over her panties. She wasn't brave enough to wear them like the boys did, so the thin layer of fabric beneath them gave her a sense of protection and security. Her third husband by marriage had no business seeing any of her unmentionables if the underwear was less than conservative. As she gives herself another look in the mirror to make sure she looks good, she hears Lee cheer and Fred let out a loud, yet amused "NO", meaning Lee had won that round. 

Deciding not to drag her feet anymore, she heads back down the steps, catching her husband's eye as she rounded the bottom step to go into the living room. Brown eyes analyzed her figure from toe to head and his eyebrows peaked. His lower lip pulls between his teeth, making her blush slightly. Even when she's wearing pajamas, he was able to make her feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. Quickly she motions to the TV screen to remind him to focus, and just in time too - it was time for his character to jump. After successfully clearing that obstacle, he winks at her and nudges his head at the place next to him on the couch. Before she can make it there, though, the food arrives and she retrieves that before coming to take her place.

Both guys pause their game to eat and chitchat. Conversation was always easy with Lee, and there was never a dull moment when he was around either of the twins. No matter the situation, he was always happy to be there with his friends. Stuffy restaurants would never be either of their scenes, and she admits that part of her expected one of the guys to flake on going out. Truth be told, she was happy to be in comfortable clothes as well. 

As she half listens to the conversation about the Chudley Cannons, her thoughts and her bite of pizza are interrupted by a long finger trailing up the side of her thigh. Her eyes dart up to Fred and she's greeted with a mischievous smile. The finger trails back down and she feels the breath hitch in her chest. He absolutely had plans to make up for staying in. Quickly she looks at the other couch to see Lee more focused on where he's going to bite next on his slice of pizza, thankfully. She turns back to Fred and smiles before mouthing "behave". A pout forms on his lips and his brows knit in fake sadness before he mouths back "where's the fun in that?" This man.

"Do you think Egypt'll actually make it to the Quidditch World Cup this year?" Lee's question interrupts their moment, but the clever ginger doesn't miss a beat. "Y'kidding me? It's going to come down to Romania and Argentina. Egypt has played alright so far, but they nearly lost it to Chad, of all teams." Immediately the two are engrossed in a discussion about various teams, but the long finger that traced her thigh was replaced by a hand that pulled one of her legs up to his lap. His hands gently work at the muscles in her calf and gradually start to make their way farther toward her center. 

"What do you think, babe?" Her attention snaps up, meets her husband's, and she tries to speak, but her voice comes out hoarse and she has to clear it. His eyes seem to twinkle, knowing even that small gesture was enough to occupy her thoughts. "Excuse me. Sorry about that. I, uh, personally I'm thinking we'll see Transylvania and Scotland." Their gazes hold for a moment while Lee begins to explain why Scotland or Transylvania would be a better choice than Argentina. So it's not too obvious, though, the twin looks back at his friend and nods in agreement. 

Their night consisted of video games, quidditch talk, and a brief moment of dating advice for their friend. As always, their hang out session was fun, and Fred politely tried to get his friend to stay the night because they had lost track of time and it was after midnight before he started preparing for his departure. He declined as he hopped to pull on his pants, giving the excuse of having to work in the morning, and left when he got his shoes on. No sooner than the redhead latched the door, though, she knew it was on.

Quickly he turns and gives her a delicious grin before picking her up. Instinctually she wraps her legs around his waist and giggles. Hungry lips trail kisses from her jaw down and he nearly growls in her ear. "I've been waiting to do this all night." Chills scatter her skin and he carries her upstairs.

Masterlist

[ace-of-clubs-and-diamonds]

Damn I am on fuckin FIRE this weekend!  A sexy oneshot and the next chapter of Waking Nightmares?  You guys are getting spoiled!  Luckily for all of you, I LOVE to spoil you guys, and I am getting sooooo excited for these next chapters.  I mean, I was already excited for this story in general, but man we are getting to the real good shit.  I’m dying to write it, and I’m dying for you all to see it!

So without further ado, let’s go! I hope everyone enjoys!

Waking Nightmares masterlist here.

~

Waking Nightmares: Chapter 4

Rating: Mature, SFW

Word count: 3,189

Content warnings: Spooky creepy stuff, paranoia, panic, sleep paralysis

POV: Roxanne Love

Aaron Felder – 47 years of age, publishing agent, husband to a lovely wife, and father to a high school aged daughter – had been found late Sunday night in an alleyway with his throat slashed open. It had been plastered all over the news. Everyone knew about it. Jasper, Ohio had its crimes of course, every place did. But murder wasn’t very common here. News of a murder was like finding a four leaf clover or seeing a double rainbow... though markedly less lucky.

Murder got noticed. Murder was remembered by the residents of the quiet little town and talked about nonstop. Because that just didn’t happen here. Nothing ever happened here.

The office had been unusually hushed Monday morning. The atmosphere had been a little bit off, the air just a little too oppressive. I'd paused and frowned as the uncertainty prickled against my skin. But I'd assumed it was my own mind. I was already on edge from the past couple nights.

It hadn’t been until a passing comment from a patient that I realized that no, it wasn't just me. It was everyone else, too.

“Your heartrate is a bit higher than usual,” I’d noted as I’d taken a patient’s pulse. “Nothing concerning, though.” I’d pulled away and checked his notes in the computer. “You have a history of anxiety… anything on your mind?”

He’d shrugged and tried to laugh it off. I hadn't pushed him. But after a full minute of hesitant silence, he admitted, “I guess the news this morning made me a bit... you know. On edge.”

I’d frowned at him. “News?”

“You haven’t heard?” He stared at me in utter shock, as if it was completely unbelievable that I hadn’t been monitoring world events from the moment I’d woken up. But I’d been a little busy trying to convince myself that somebody wasn’t trying to fucking kill me in my sleep. When I’d asked him, he’d said, “Some guy was found dead last night. Somebody killed him!”

That had given me pause. My fingers had frozen over the old-fashioned, thick grey keyboard of the work computer.

After the past couple nights, the news of a murder had been… unsettling. It was yet another thing to fuel the near-constant urge to glance over my shoulder every time I wasn't up against a wall. To make sure there wasn’t someone there. Just in case.

But it hadn’t been until my lunch break that I’d realized how well and truly fucked the whole thing was. I’d stared at my phone screen in silence, heart speeding up as I read the article published that morning.

He’d died.

He’d been deliberately killed.

And that’s why he hadn’t shown up on Saturday. Because someone had killed him.

I’d lost my appetite.

The rest of the day had crawled by. Once I'd gotten home, I’d barely been able to get more than a sentence down on the page. So I’d killed time watching TV trash and scrolling though news articles, eyes flicking to the clock every five minutes. Dread had curled metal fingers around my chest.

Until finally it was time for bed.

Again, it had taken a while for my mind to calm enough for me to fall asleep. Again, I’d woken up in a dream, on my back and unable to move, that figure in that same corner. And again, I’d woken up flailing and soaked in sweat.

Same thing Tuesday.

By Wednesday, exhaustion had etched itself into my bones. It was a little harder to stay on my feet at work – a little harder to keep track of all the different patients’ charts. A little harder to keep myself focused on the real world rather than letting my mind wander to fiction and dreams. Time sludged by. It was a relief to get back home afterwards.

I trudged up the stairs and traded uncomfortable blue scrubs for loungewear before collapsing at my writing desk. I let my head drop and gently thump against the worn wooden surface. It smelled of wood shavings and ink, comforting in its familiarity.

Fuck, I was tired. All I wanted to do was crumple and drift off into oblivion.

Unfortunately, my personal sleeping companion would've had it otherwise.

I sighed and shoved myself upright. The temptation to make yet another cup of coffee was only overridden by sheer laziness. Instead, I flipped open my laptop and opened the document I’d been working on. The document where I was brainstorming and planning out the story I’d been working on since Sunday. Night Terrors, I’d titled it. I wasn’t sure if I’d keep that name, but it worked for now.

Trying to write while exhausted was rarely a good idea.  But I hadn’t written anything since Sunday.

And. I wanted to.

I was just really fucking tired.

I diligently poked away at the keyboard, adjusting notes and adding little bits of dialogue to potential scenes. It wasn’t much, far less than I would’ve liked … but it was better than nothing, I supposed.

Time trickled by. Faint ticking echoed from the analogue clock in the kitchen behind me. It was otherwise silent.

I’m so tired.

Sleep whispered its seductive lullaby. Exhaustion weighed down on my shoulders, unrelenting. It was hard to keep my eyes open. I propped my cheek up on a fist as I stared at the computer screen and fought to keep my vision from glazing over. It was a losing battle.  My eyelids started to droop, and the world around me started to blur and fade.

A couple minutes wouldn’t hurt…

A crash made me jerk back awake. Adrenaline shot through my veins, beating back any trace of exhaustion and replacing it with buzzing alertness and a pounding heart. I twisted around in my seat, eyes wide and darting around, looking for anything out of place.

What the FUCK was that?!?

It had come from the kitchen. The dim lamplight from my desk didn’t reach far enough. All I could see was the gaping maw of the doorway and vague, dark shapes.

There was nothing obviously there.

The hair stood up on the back of my neck, a prickling, creeping sensation.

There was a logical, practical, ordinary explanation for this. Of course there was. But after everything that had happened… it was hard not to jump to conclusions.

“Houdini?” I called out. I didn’t like how weak my voice sounded.

No response.

“Houdini?” My voice was steadier this time. And this time, I got an answering meow.

To my right.

I twisted back around in my chair, unwinding to look to my left. Houdini sat curled up on the rug in front of the fireplace, head up, blue eyes wide and alert, pupils narrowed to slits and ears and tail flicking.

It hadn’t been Houdini.

Unease settled low and heavy in my gut.

Don’t panic.

I slowly stood up, eyes glued to the darkened kitchen. Instinct warned me away. Instinct would’ve had me scurrying up to my bedroom to hide under the sheets like a frightened child. But I shoved the feeling down, deep down, suffocating it until it was silent. But it was still there. I ignored it.

Cautiously, I crossed the living room. Padded my way towards the kitchen and paused right before its entrance. I leaned forward a little, flicking a precursory glance around. Not that I could see anything anyway. It was dead silent, and I wondered if Houdini could hear my heartbeat from the living room with his tiny, sharp little ears.

I drew in a breath before reaching out, sliding my arm along the wall until I felt the light switch.

A beat passed.

And then I flicked the light on, snapping my arm back against my body as if expecting something to lunge out of the darkness to tear me limb from limb.

The kitchen was… empty.

And completely as I’d left it this morning.

Except for the clock. It had fallen from its place on the wall and slammed face-down onto the counter. Jagged shards of glass surrounded its corpse like a halo.

Relief flooded my veins. Fuck, it must’ve slipped off its hook. Normally I would’ve been pissed at the mess, but at this point I wasn’t complaining.

The clock had fallen.  It was a logical, practical, and ordinary explanation.

Thank God.

I swept into the kitchen, being sure to avoid the shards that had fallen onto the white tile floor. It was kind of disappointing – I’d liked that clock. Nothing fancy, but it had a thick pastel blue frame and pretty stenciled numbers. It felt a little retro, like something you'd see in a 50s diner. It was cute. It didn’t match anything else in the house, but I liked it, and I was a bit sad to see it go. I’d gotten it from a sweet little thrift store downtown. Maybe I'd be able to find something similar –

Click.

I froze.

It wasn’t the right pitch, too heavy and slow and deep – but it was an unmistakably metallic sound.

Something cold skittered up my spine again.

I didn’t want to, but I stepped out from the kitchen and into the hallway, staring down towards the front door. Silver light filtered through the little window in the door and cast strange, misshapen patterns on the floor.

I squashed down the ridiculous urge to call out, Hello? That’s always what happened before a bitch died in a horror movie. Or before they were attacked by some monster or a guy with a knife. It was easy to dismiss as a dumb move in a film. But a lot harder to reconcile when it was night and you were at home alone and sleep-deprived. And feeling as though you weren't alone.

I flicked on the hallway light. The lights hummed and flooded the foyer. And once again, everything was in place, as it should be, exactly how I’d left it.

Except.

The front door was unlocked.

I’d locked the door when I’d gotten back. I always locked the door when I got back. There’s no way I’d forgotten to. It was a rule that had been drilled into my head since childhood. Memories of Mum in the kitchen sternly telling me to always lock the doors were clear in my mind. Don’t leave the doors or windows unlocked, especially if you’re alone. That’s how bad people get to you. That’s how people steal your things and hurt you. Always lock everything.

The idea of a house-invasion had always terrified her. Maybe it came from growing up in a poorer neighborhood in India, where house thefts were common. My father, who’d lived his entire life in middle-class white America, confident in his own safety, would’ve happily left everything unlocked if not for her. She’d instilled her fear into me as a child, and I still carried it now. It's why I locked everything, even if I’d only be gone for a couple seconds. It's why I checked the locks around the house every so often to make sure they were still latched shut.

It's why my heart was currently trying to hammer its way out of my body.

My hands shook a little as I marched down the hall and flicked the lock back closed. I bounced up onto my tiptoes and peered through the little door window, glimpsing the darkened, blurred neighborhood outside.

Nothing unusual or out of place.

It was fine.

I made to head back to the living room.

Click.

Fear shot up my spine.  I whirled back around, hair whipping in my eyes.

The door was unlocked again.

What the fuck.

A pit seemed to open in my stomach. My heart was racing by now, and I struggled to get a proper breath down.

I grabbed the handle and yanked the door open. Cool night air hit me as I stepped out under the awning and pulled the door closed behind me. I kept a tight grip on the handle as I shot a glance left, then right, scanning the sidewalk and streets for any sign of life. But aside from the sound of chittering crickets and a barking dog from across the street, there was nothing. A motor rumbled in the distance. The sky was almost completely dark, save for a bloody red that spilled over the edge of the horizon.

It had to be a prank.

I stepped back inside and slammed the door, turning the lock back in place with a resounding click.

I didn’t even make it one step before it unlocked again.

Anger and fear mixed into a boiling cocktail as I turned around once again and flicked the lock closed. Immediately and before my very fucking eyes, it unlocked as if done by an unseen hand.

My ribcage felt too tight as I stared at the lock and slowly stepped backwards.

What the fuck. What the fuck. What the fuck.

Not a prank. It couldn’t be a prank. Was there something wrong with the lock? My mind whirled as I scrambled for a sensible answer.

I couldn’t find one.

I grabbed a chair from the tiny dining room and dragged it to the foyer, shoving it under the door handle to keep it from moving. There’s no way someone would be able to get in with the chair blocking the handle. Not without me hearing it, at least, and giving me time. Once the door was secure, I headed back into the kitchen. It was stupid as hell, a compulsion, but every sense was on high alert, adrenaline making my movements a little too sharp. My mind wouldn’t settle.

I needed to make sure everything was locked. The back door, the windows, everything. I needed to make sure everything was locked and safe and that there was no one inside the house and fucking with me.

So I did what every perfectly normal, perfectly sensible person would do.

I grabbed a knife from the kitchen. One of the smallest, sharpest ones. One of the most effective ones.

A precaution.

I checked around the house. Checked the back door and every single window and made sure each was tightly locked and in place. I even propped a chair against the back door for extra measure. Then I checked every single room in the house, including behind the shower curtain and inside the closets. To anyone else, it would've looked extreme. And admittedly, it was. But I was already losing sleep because of my own mind. I didn’t need any-fucking-thing else to pile onto it.

Once I was sure everything else was locked and blocked, I returned to the front door. And once more, I slammed the lock into place.

I stood there, legs spread in a fighting stance, body rigid, knife clutched in hand as I stared at the lock.

“Make a move, bitch,” I muttered to empty air. “Make. A fucking. Move.”

The lock stayed locked.

Minutes flitted by.

Eventually, I turned away. Walked down the hall, listening for the telltale click of the bolt turning. Twisted back around once I was at the entrance to the living room.

Still locked.

I sat back down at my writing desk, but no more actual writing happened. I only half-mindedly read over my own notes, still too on edge and alert to focus. I listened for anything – any strange sounds, the slightest noise, anything. Houdini had watched me go around the house, but he’d settled back down now, grey-tufted ears twitching every now and then.

The knife stayed by my side.

I’d fallen asleep facing the corner, this time. The first time I’d been on my back and unaware. The second time I’d been facing away. The other two times, I’d also ended up on my back. But this time, I’d curled up on my left side and shoved a pillow behind my back so I wouldn’t roll over. Then I positioned my head so that all I needed to do was open my eyes and I’d get a perfect view of the corner.

I guessed I was a little fed up, that night. The remnants of adrenaline still pumped through my veins from the events earlier. It was past 1:00 a.m. when I finally fell asleep.

Unlike the last few times where I slowly, groggily came to and seemed to be fighting a heavy fog, I snapped awake almost immediately this time. The dream was sharper, clearer, as if some of the fog had lifted from the very start. I still couldn’t move. But I was more keenly aware this time.

Though I wasn’t sure if that was a good thing.

Because things were different.

The dream had changed.

I had not been prepared for that, and panic scrabbled at my chest as my gaze snapped around the bedroom.

The walls were bubbling.

They were boiling. As if they were made of some impossible, thick wax-like substance and melting from the inside, bubbles slowly bulging to the surface as the rest dripped down and pooled onto the floor with a sizzle. Colors shifted from inside the walls – from the normal grey-blue, made almost black in the darkness, to a bloody cherry red and a decaying emerald green. It was too warm. Sweat clung to my body, as if whatever was boiling the walls was going to boil me too.

And.

There was him.

Because that was most definitely a person standing there in the corner. I could make out a brimmed hat, a long coat that swept past his knees, and a right hand with fingers that were too long and clicked together when they moved. The rest of him was still little more than a silhouette.

If I could move, I would’ve surged to my feet, grabbed the knife I’d brought to my bedside table, and lunged at him without hesitation. But I couldn’t move, I was still helpless and at his mercy, and I couldn’t have stopped him anymore than I could stop the sun from burning. All I could do was tremble and shudder.

It took me far too long to realize something else. And when I did, fear surged up my throat and got stuck there.

Oh my God. No. This wasn’t real. I had to beat that thought into my mind, repeat and repeat and repeat it because this certainly felt real, and a scream was threatening to spill out.

The figure was closer.

He’d moved.

He’d gone from being tucked tightly into the corner to being just beyond the edge of the dresser, as if he’d taken a single step closer.

As if he was slowly approaching my bed.

No. No. Please no, I wanted to beg. Once again, I strained my body, strained my muscles as I desperately fought against nothing and tried to move. Tears welled in my eyes.

Please.

The figure lifted that right hand, and moonlight glinted off those fingers – and that’s when I realized they weren’t just fingers. They were gleaming silver talons. A chuckle rang out, deep and echoing and cruel.

“Hey there, Roxy.”

This time, I actually did wake up screaming.

[queernuck]

The Cleveland Browns made the playoffs. The Islanders made the Eastern Conference Finals.

And that’s enough for me.

So long, so long I have been living like this, pretending that I want to keep on living, that life feels worthwhile, that I don’t want to kill myself. Suicide is for cowards but ive been chickening out for a whole decade, to the point where getting on the subway was itself something that involved convincing myself not to jump in front of it. I remember once while working in the city, I watched and waited as two trains came in and left, trying to get the energy to jump in front of them. I had decided, if I couldn’t do it by the time a second train came and went, I would go to work and save it for another day. I came very close, my legs tense like a linebacker on 4th & Goal, but I didn’t do it. Maybe it would be better if I had, I would have saved not only myself but a lot of other people a lot of pain and suffering. I’ve been dealing with feeling suicidal for a decade, an entire ten years, and made it through. And for what? I lost a retail job at minimum wage, I’ve seen the Giants go from two-time Super Bowl kingslayers to a team that relied on the Eagles for a playoff berth, I got to see Evangelion only for the final Rebuild film to be infinitely delayed, I have a useless non-degree that allows me to eloquently describe how the Democrats and Republicans alike are driving this stolen land to Fascism while sycophants tell me Vote Blue No Matter Who. I’m so tired, I’m not even the person people think me to be, since if I were, I wouldn’t be in this mess.

My paychecks, as hard-earned as they were, never seemed to be mine in any real sense, and it made me so frustrated that something in me broke at the beginning of this year. I made some mistakes, some very stupid ones, and got myself fired. I took money from and distorted the inventory of my store to get what amounted to pocket money, less than two paychecks. I was tempted because I feel so powerless, so much like nothing I could ever say or do matters, and so I decided to lash out against a place that mattered to me, against people I cared about deeply. Chain stores, corporations, all of those things are not really high on my list of things to care about. Barnes & Noble pushed out local booksellers years ago, an irony not lost on me whenever our own competition with Amazon was made apparent. We were reaping what we had sown. But what always interested on top of this irony was how symbolic these things could be to people, how much we figured into so may memories for so many. The Manga Aisle at Barnes & Noble is a staple of 2006 scene culture, a way that kids without the pocket money to afford the newest volume of Bleach it Naruto could keep up before scams became widely available. How the store was a place where people studying for standardized tests could use the test prep guides to try and get ready for the eugenic ritual of the standardized test. And just how much a chain bookstore became a substitute, socially, for the now-absent local bookstore. We bear the guilt for that, but at the same time we were still selling books, giving people a place to get coffee and sit and read and talk, in ways that libraries may not be able to. We certainly can never replace a library, given just what a library does for people. But we did do a lot of good all the same. Before it closed, some of my fondest memories came when I was the exact sort of annoying teenage customer I grew to hate, hanging out at the Columbus Circle Borders. Working at Barnes & Noble was tiring, dehumanizing, difficult, made me feel like I would never measure up to the authors we sold, the people books were written about, that I was a failure. And I am, as my death shows. But it also made me a part of something I was proud of. And that Above & Beyond pin I earned is in my jacket still, a reminder of something.

That something was shown in so many of the coworkers I had, who were incredible in so many ways. I feel awful for what I did, I genuinely do, because of how it may have hurt people who thought so kindly of me, people who deserve so much good. I wish I had the ability to address each of them individually but this decision was hastily made, and i have a feeling it will show in the things I miss in this note. Audra, your help in finding me a way to use the company policies to my advantage as a worker was something that gave me faith even after having seen the despicable firings and cuts the company went through. Linda, I can’t quite square the circle here given my actions, but I want to say your disappointment broke my heart and that while I will not be the one who shows it, your reassurance that everyone makes mistakes was welcome.

To my (former) fellow booksellers at Store 2216, all of my love and my sincerest apologies. You all have so much good in you, your willingness to listen to my ADHD-fueled rants and to discuss so many things with an incredible frankness was always impressive, in addition to part of what I loved about all of you. I want you all to be happy, and the kinship I felt with you was a vital part of what kept me going. It was tough, as you all know. But at times, it almost felt worth it.

The same is true of my CTY friends: it was a weird, magical place that frankly, a lot of us idealized for far too long and which sk many of us eventually outgrew without being able to let go of. And that was tough, that was something we had a great deal of difficulty understanding, that what helped us once was not always going to be helping us, was not always what we needed. But in eventually finding that, we found solace, we realized how life as a whole functions and just what it is that we can take from places like it.

To my other family, my Cleo family, I know I haven’t been terribly active lately, but I can never, ever thank you enough for the belonging you gave me. I have never felt anywhere as welcoming as Cleo. As warm as Cleo (even as we struggled to pay for the oil bill) was. As kind and understanding. As tolerant. As questioning and inquisitive into what that tolerance meant to us. I am thankful, eternally, for what you all did for me. The incredible experiences I had as a Cleo make me proud of what the organization can represent, and one of my dying wishes is that the organization continues to reach out to marginalized communities on Trinity’s campus. There is much work to be done in making sure abusers cannot hide in our family, but I trust you all to do that work. Tucker Carlson is a Trinity grad and we must embody the opposite of what he stands for, no matter how difficult it may be. I could go on about how this means opposing liberals and Liberalism/Neo—Liberalism due to the truth of tolerance resulting in a Popper-esque Paradox of Tolerance that implies Popper is a worthwhile philosopher, but that’s another issue.

To my friends on that Blue Hellsite, tumblr, you made a continual presence worth it, even with all of the bullshit this place brings. It’s the reason I read so much Foucault, Derrida, Deleuze & Guattari, read Žižek against himself, and so on and so on, and the value of that to me can never be overstated. I learned so much from the ways in which I learned to analyze the world, and that in turn became a huge inspiration for why I should try to do what I could to make the world closer to a place of revolution, one where we could perhaps eke out a living for one another. I loved how much I could be an unrepentant nerd and still love hockey on there, and while the

NHL fans on tumblr are incredibly annoying,

I can deal with that compared to the racism of most hockey fans.

Mom, Dad? I just couldn’t live with you any longer. I’m so sorry.

Grandma, I love you.

And the things I leave behind? Donate what can be donated. Hats, please auction, or at least offer to other HatHeads at a reasonable price. I had some nice ones. As for assorted albums, clothing, and other things, sell them and donate to a Harm Reduction organization, or organizations that advocate for PWUD in a radical fashion. WE DESERVE AUTONOMY!

I am a victim of the War on Drugs. Sobriety was always hellish to me, and I could never take it. I want people to be able to live how they want, to see sobriety and being on drugs as equally valuable states, to see the two as no different from one another.

Abolish all gun laws

End the War on Terror

Decriminalize and legalize all drugs, sobriety is what killed me.

I love all of you.

LET’S GO ISLANDERS!

[kojinnie]

In the fifteen days of your absence

Pairing: Reader x Reiner Braun

Tags/Warning: deep angst in the end

Summary: Reiner wanted to leave you, but you chose to leave him first.

Word Count: 1.5K

A/N: Written half-drunk at 4 AM. Very unstructured piece that I wrote in a whim. Just me being overwhelmed with emotion. So please, bare with me.

There is a prolonged misery in the way Reiner Braun saw the world, in a rather apocalyptic outlook which made wariness became a permanent figure throughout the course of his life, he couldn't help but to incessantly ponder on his role in the world. Every day, every waking moment in his short, miserable life. Like it was an urgency that he had to find answer to immediately. 

"What was I destined to be?" was the question he pondered every morning. He had grown to believe that everyone was made for single, destined role and he was on an never-ending quest to find his. You often thought, what was it that drove the man into the verge of such desperation to find an answer? "Doesn't that depend on what you choose to do every day?" you once asked, as the two of you laid naked on your bed. He didn't utter a word afterward, but he knew your answer-slash-question wasn’t up to his appetite for philosophical discourse. He just rolled over away from you and succumbed into silence until the next morning when he left your apartment without saying goodbye. Even in the path where he left, you could sense he left with utter disappointment towards you.

He didn't reach out to you after his shift. Nor did he send the customary good morning text that had grown to be habitual rather than a display of affection over the past three years you had been with him. You waited patiently until the night came, yet still there was no sign of him. That night, you slept anxiously, jolting out of drowsiness each time your phone buzzed, only to find that it was just a typhoon warning. You didn’t care, all you wanted to know was how Reiner was.

The next morning, out of fright of somewhat the expected disappointment, the first thing you did in the morning was shoving your phone underneath your pillow, as you got ready for work. You didn’t want to have your heart shattered by the non-existing message or missed calls from Reiner. That was the least you could do to refrain having an anxiety attack an hour away before your shift started.

At lunch, your Japanese bento tasted bland. And the words of your manager rung into your eardrums like a mere inconvenience. You had grown antsy by that point, and you had not checked your phone since the morning. You continued to torture yourself by putting your phone on Airplane Mode. You couldn’t bear having each minute neurotically checking your phone to see whether Reiner had texted your or not.

By the third day, you caved in. You finally operated your phone because you had to call your grocer for a weekly delivery. When things were okay, Reiner would come by and walk with you to the nearby deli. He would buy three bottles of his favorite ranch, one that he would store at your house, one at his mum’s, and one for his own storage at home. But now that he was off the grid, you didn’t feel like leaving your apartment and opted for a delivery instead. The courier was grim, didn’t say thank you even after a rather generous tip. He was listening to Happy Days Are Here Again, the melodious tunes seeped through his headphone. What an odd irony, you thought to yourself as you closed the door on him.

There was a sickening anticipation as you waited for your phone to load, and when the homepage popped open you felt nausea looming as you found no sign of Reiner neither in your inbox nor your call log.

You had grown accustomed to the anxiety of being with Reiner. As if being nauseous, with your heart thumping all night, wondering his whereabout, is the default state that came with dating the man with those sorrowful eyes. 

Reiner Braun. That man. 

He had affinity for leaving in the quietest fashion, putting you in the dark over what went wrong. Beating yourself up for his departure. Sometimes it would be because of the little thing you said mindlessly, or the way Reiner felt like he had been treated by you in a way that he regarded as distasteful. But he never told you about it, he would just disappear into the thin air and let you succumbed into your own misery in the complete absence of him, until you came to your sense into what wrongdoing you might have committed.

Yet, despite knowing his playbook already, still you were the willing victim, “Reiner, I’m sorry. Please, forgive me.” Were the words he would be waiting from you.

“Do you love me still?” once Reiner asked, when the two of you were soaked underneath the summer rain because Reiner forgot to bring the umbrella although you had reminded him numerous times before stepping out of the apartment. You thought the question was a misfit given the circumstances, but he looked dead serious as he wiped his eyes from drips of the water that drenched the two of you.

“Yes. I do.” You said, to which he nodded with no smile.

For the longest time you wondered what did he mean by that? Until you realized too late, that he was so scared of being left, that his question was his desperate way to commit you into forgiving him after a small mistake he had done. Later, you were bed-ridden from the cold you got after being drenched for hours, and he asked you again, “Do you love me?” You had no other choice but to plant a deep kiss on his soft, thin lips as an answer. A display of forgiveness he was yearning for.

Reiner’s absence persisted like the growing pain he caused within you that was only becoming more gaping as days go by. When fifteen days had passed, your friends started to chirp, ‘Why don’t you just come to his house?’; ‘But you have tried calling him right?’. You couldn’t quite explain the strange way you understood Reiner, in silence, in certain distance, in mutual recognition of each other’s disdain. 

You knew he had blocked your caller ID, and how should you tell your friends that you never went to his home more than once before? Because you could feel the palpable reluctance in him as once, years ago, you insisted to drive him home. “In certain distance, did our love find no resistance,” he once declared.

In resistance did our hearts bound with happenstance,

and in happenstance did we end in desistance.

Reiner. Reiner. Reiner. You thought of him relentlessly. Was it only a happenstance that you uttered the wrong choice of words as he asked for validation of his role in life? What was it that he wanted to hear from you anyway? Maybe: ‘You are destined for something big, Reiner.’ Did the happenstance finally led him to desist from further effort in loving you? 

The thought persisted when you walked down the street that night, out for a beer on your own. As you passed through the lonely buildings of your neighborhood, the reminiscing of his form made your thoughts murky, as you crossed the avenue in scurry, with your gaze that had gone blurry.

You couldn’t make out of it, but a very loud noise suddenly deafened your ear and you could feel your body tossed into the air and fell into a hard surface. You could feel nothing as you slipped into the abyss of nothingness. Was it the sound of Reiner calling for you finally?

“Do you love me?” you heard a voice. A deep, sad voice coming from a mouth of a man with sorrowful eyes.

“Yes, I do.” you answered. But still he asked, “Do you love me?”

And he asked again, “Do you love me?” and again, and again, no matter how much you have answered, “Yes, I do, Reiner. Yes, I do.” still he asked the same thing, “Do you love me?”

You didn’t know where you were, you could hardly see the man that you had loved with your demure heart, despite the desolation of his heart. You could only hear his voice, calling out for you like you wished he had been in those fifteen days of his absence.

“Reiner,” someone said, a kindly voice of mature wisdom. She sounded a lot like your mum, “let her go.”

“I can’t,” he refused, his voice broke in despair, “not until she answers me.” 

“Baby, do you love me? Do you love me?”

You shouted with all your might, “I do, Reiner! I do!”

Yet he heard no words. He held you close in his cradle, yet still he knew you were slipping away. Underneath the bright lights of an ER did your body lay cold. Reiner had came late after he was told, “She got hit by an eight-wheeler,” a colleague told him over the phone. Even then, Reiner knew he had lost you, but still he wished for the last chance to make amend. It was true he contemplated to leave you, but never did he expect he’d be given no second chance to atone.

In his cradle, you finally went away. Underneath his tears, your face drenched once again. In the agonizing realization did Reiner find himself, drowned in his regret on how he had chosen to spend the last fifteen days he would ever have with you.