#just need something to decompress and not stress over stuff...

[weirdgrrlgerard]

hmm thinking about making a neocities site again maybe this upcoming week if i have time i can at least start it

[akanemnon]

Hey akane friendly reminder to drink water, also what's the hardest part of drawing? Have a great day!

Thanks for the reminder, anon. I'll get to work on that once I'm actually awake, since this question goes up at 4 in the morning over here lol

As for your question, there is no de facto, one-size-fits-all answer to this question. That is all dependent on YOUR skill level and the piece you are trying to draw.

As you progress as an artist you naturally tackle challenges along the way that seem incredibly hard to you. But the more you do it, you start to realize how easy they become.

A very classic example is drawing hands. Because that is something most young artists struggle with. There is a phase that most go through where they try to avoid drawing hands by drawing a character with their arms angled behind their back. That is a completely normal phase you go through and you don't have to be ashamed for doing it. BUT (and that is a big but) once you feel confident enough, I emplore you to try and draw those hands. It is scary and you won't have any idea what you're doing, but it is IMPORTANT that you do it if you want to improve. There is ZERO shame in failure. Because through failure, you reflect and learn.

The more you do it, the easier it gets. And that's how you can tackle every challenge. It makes things like drawing backgrounds, different angles and extremely advanced stuff like foreshortening a little less daunting. Because you can get through that. You just have to prove it to yourself.

I do need to stress though that you don't have to challenge yourself with every single drawing. Ultimately, you should always draw for yourself and for your own entertainment. Decompress! Have fun with it! Art is not a chore. YOU decide at what pace you want to progress.

[olympiastar]

Anytime | John Munch + Reader

A/N: I’m meant to be studying but I wanted to write instead :-) Hope you like this, fellow Munch enjoyers!

The clock on your nightstand reads 1.35am, you hadn’t gotten one minute of shuteye and your alarm was due to start blaring in only 5 hours time.

Your mind wouldn’t stop running - you were going over a multitude of things. Work, your social life, familial expectations, the lot.

“Ugh..” You groan to yourself as you push your face into your pillow. Trying to sleep for the umpteenth time.

Eventually, after more tossing and turning you decide to just get up - if you ended up feeling exhausted at work, caffeine would have to help you out.

You make your way into your living room - which is thankfully the perfect size, with an equally perfect view of the Queensboro bridge. You sat in your armchair which sits in the corner of the room, and you start to think again.

Work had you, well… worked up.

Every day was getting increasingly busier, and your hands never seem to get a break from writing and typing at your desk. Your boss never seemed to give you, or your coworkers, a damn break. As soon as five o’ clock struck you made your way down the stairs at an athletes pace.

Your work had managed to entangle itself into your home life as well, sometimes you had to take a big stack of files home - which kept you working well into the evening. It was actually a miracle you got to sit in your armchair, even if it was in the middle of the night, as these days it just looks like an untouched piece in a furniture store.

You sighed. You actually felt your heartbeat getting faster and your chest hurting as you thought about work.

The beige telephone was glaring at you from across the room. It sat on a cabinet just to the left of the window, practically begging you to get up and dial…

No.

It’s the middle of the night. He’ll be asleep and you don’t want to wake him…your work was sunshine and rainbows compared to his. He needs his sleep.

A loud sigh escapes your lips as you feel yourself getting up out of the comfy seat and walking over to the phone. Damn it.

You bring the phone to your ear and start dialling your favourite number. His.

Please don’t actually pick up You think, already feeling slightly regretful for even letting the phone ring.

It doesn’t ring for long however…

“Munch” He says, sounding relatively awake considering the time.

“Hi… it’s just me. I know it’s late and I’m really sorry to bother you-” You start, saying all of that in what seemed like one quick breath.

“Hey sweetheart.” He starts, his tone softening slightly, “is everything okay? You’re not bothering me, not at all.”

“This is likely a stupid question for this time of night but, how on earth do you decompress after work?” You ask.

“You’re callin me at 2am to ask how I de-stress after work?” He replies, a clear hint of amusement in his voice.

“It’s just.. your work seems so hard - mentally. How do you relax after seeing that kind of stuff every day?” You sigh gently.

“What’s going on? You having trouble at work?”

“Yes.” You admit, a little sheepishly.

“Ah, now the question makes more sense.” He starts,with a slight chuckle, “talk to me.”

“The deadlines, the amount of work, the amount of clients. It’s crazy and feels like it’s getting worse by the day!” You whisper.

“I know I probably shouldn’t complain but I just… it’s frustrating. My boss makes me feel like shit even if somethings two minutes late.”

“She’s running a tight ship, huh?” He says, and you can tell he’s got that little smirk that you adore on his face.

“Ha, you can say that again.” You reply, a smile easily finding its way to your face. John always knew how to make that happen.

“But seriously, you could’ve told me this sooner. You know you can talk to me whenever.” He says, slightly more seriously.

“I know, I know. I just hate bothering you. Your job is important, and you’re busy. I don’t want to interrupt your free time.” You reply.

“I love hearing you talk, sweetheart, even if it is at 2 o’clock in the morning. What do you say we talk about this properly, in person?” He offers.

“I’d really appreciate that. But maybe at a more appropriate time of day?” You jest.

“Definitely.” He responds instantly.

“I better let you get back to your beauty sleep.” You joke once again, a smile now stuck on your face.

Before he gets a chance to reply with his notorious wit, you talk again. “By the way, thank you, John. I appreciate you more than you know.” You say, your mood now much better than when you first called.

“Anytime.” He exclaims.

[rei-ismyname]

X-Men #11 Review

To be honest, this one was underwhelming. There's always something worthy of commentary, it just feels like not much happens and it doesn't quite feel like a full issue - perhaps because it bucks the Marvel formula of the three Cs - conflict, choice, and conclusion.

Stuff certainly happens but nothing that couldn't be summed up in a few sentences at the start of next issue. The last three issues have all had high stakes, for better or worse, and without room to breathe tension burns out.

The Raid on Graymalkin is over but not much has changed, Agent Fucko and the O*N*E have stood down, and everyone is moving on. I didn't expect to see a discussion about recent events but I really want one. Serious shit has gone down very recently and all these people should have opinions on that. The X-Men are used to constant drama but still ... it feels like those events didn't matter and the characters feel thinner for it. It's said that the O*N*E visit was 'earlier' yet Beast is standing and relaxed despite being beaten badly. Maybe Xorn is that good a healer.

After a cold open on some kind of space bullshit crashing nearby, we cut to Beast and Jen Starkey running some tests on her mutation. They're on an awkward first name basis after she reminds him but they're getting along well enough. Hank theorises that she's a metamorph of some kind and tests that hypothesis. Flying seems like a risky place to start but I'm not a scientist. Fortunately he's right and she's not a reality warper or something - she grows wings and assumes avian features. Cool. We move on from them as the plot is happening to other people. Nice to see you both, say hi to Magneto for me.

Whatever crashed is making a beeline for Merle, and Scott feels the O*N*E visit has already disrupted the town enough for one day. If it wasn't coming for them he says it would be none of their business, which is understandable. The X-Men have so many red alert crises and threats coming for them that they couldn't operate as traditional superheroes even if they wanted to. I think that might be this book's identity - Cyclops and friends playing whack-a-mole with endless mutant problems. Although, in other books they're expanding the scope. They're fighting one of Cyttorak's kids right now in Amazing Spider-Man, they've agreed to be on call to the Avengers and have an alliance of sorts; though when all the heroes gather for One World Under DOOM the only mutant present is Storm. Maybe they're in space due to this issue, but the degree of connectivity feels inconsistent. That's often been a thing with X-books, except it's been explicitly set up in Avengers so I don't know what to think.

The banter is cute and the ad hoc points system adorable, but it's mood whiplash considering there's been no time skip since the last 3 intense issues. Maybe I'm nitpicking. I've certainly been known to. People who aren't able to decompress after high stress situations often turn to humour to cope. Something I find myself saying with this book a lot is 'I guess we'll see if it's followed up on.' Given the amount of dangling plot threads and character beats I can't help but feel that the book doesn't deserve that grace. I'll come back to that.

Moving on, Scott needs to be captured by alien bounty hunters and this is how it happens. The visitor from space is Scott's deadbeat dad, Corsair. He's here to warn him that he's got a huge battalion after him, but he really doesn't prioritise it. They greet warmly but Scott is suspicious of his motives, an attitude he had in Phoenix but one that's at odds with other recent history. Whatever - Corsair sucks and he deserves to get called out.

Haha! Krakoa callbacks have been pretty inconsistent, but this is definitely a fun one to dredge up. The Starjammers did abandon the New Mutants to Shi'Ar prison for petty reasons and Magik remembers. She interrupts Scott's interrogation and punches the old geezer in the face. Good for her. Space jail sucks and that's dry snitching.

It's interrupted by Beast detecting even more space bullshit with his instruments. A space whale carrying a whole bunch of aliens is rolling up. So that's what the situation is, thanks Corsair.

'For you. They're here for you.' Not hard.

Err, you didn't really say that, Corsair. Sure, you used that word, but there was no sense of urgency when you could have just said 'aliens are coming to get you, Scott Summers, very soon. It's an emergency.' Even after getting angry he talks about himself and deflects. Just fucking tell them what's happening dude. 'They' is vague and you basically wasted your time. He's not even finished blundering.

The X-Men leap into action with Scott assuming the bounty hunters are here for Corsair - a VERY reasonable assumption. That they're actually here for Scott is very strange. I think Scott taking the situation at face value would be correct 99% of the time - Corsair is a dodgy space pirate who's always being chased by bounty hunters whereas Scott is a Shi'Ar ally and on decent terms with the Kree-Skrull empire. As Corsair admits, he has a 2.5 million credit bounty on his head. No idea what the exchange rate is but it sounds like a lot. I wonder if they're still using Mysterium as a currency and store of value.

There's been some big changes in galactic politics recently in response to Jean and Phoenix cruising around. Gladiator freaked out about it and long story short the Galactic Council put Thanos in charge. They shouldn't be able to do that but mind control is probably involved. Hulkling, Wiccan, or Xandra have been strangely absent. Anyway, failing to get across that they're after Scott is such a blunder I have to wonder if it's not a betrayal. Corsair is an idiot, but that makes this an idiot plot. His and Scott's argument ends up being a pointless waste of time - just taking up page space.

Temper scorches the poor whale, lucky it's lobotomized. The X-Men come through a portal onto the whale ship and raise hell. It's always nice to see how effectively the team work together, though we've just had an event full of pointless violence. Scott thinks he's rescuing his dad but he's really charging into a trap. Corsair eventually convinces Quentin to let him into the telepathic group chat and HE STILL YAPS ABOUT IRRELEVANT INFORMATION. Fuck, just tell him they're here for him; Scott doesn't need to know about the economics of interstellar travel right now.

'I came to warn you, son. I'll do so after including as much extraneous information as possible.' Corsair manages to spit it out only after Scott has already realised something is up. The bounty hunters are wearing Ruby Quartz armor (which is pretty cool) and they've got Cyclops surrounded. Seems like Magik could get him out of there pretty easily, or Scott could blow a hole in the floor. Juggernaut, famously, can't be stopped - surely he can take out these chumps.

Only now do we get 'they're after you.' Three words that he could have said at any time, or even thought it at either of the two telepaths present. He even has a ship-to-speeder communicator that he could have used to get to the point. It's necessary to have characters make mistakes and have errors in communication. It's a reliable and relatable source of drama. Filling half the issue with Corsair dropping out of the sky and saying plenty of words that don't advance the plot or characters in a believable way feels like pointless filler. Corsair has had more dialogue than Glob, Xorn, and Ben Liu - all ongoing characters - and all of it served no purpose. You could remove him from this issue without affecting anything. As I said in the intro, stuff happens, but nothing that couldn't be summed up in a few sentences for the next issue.

Now that Corsair has said what he came to say he's wallpaper. Good. Idie and Quentin are looking to support their teammates when fucking Alpha Flight arrive to help (I think?) A Beaubier-less Alpha Flight is not particularly interesting to me, but I like most of them. They all got imprisoned by ORCHIS during Fall of X for supporting mutants. Definitely cool behaviour, and Puck is generally rad (not sure if he's here) but I there's one member who can go fuck himself.

James MacDonald Hudson is the worst. He's ostensibly a hero but he does a lot of reactionary bootlicking. He briefly joined ORCHIS out of fear of mutants but got cold feet when Australia was nearly destroyed. I'll rant about him another time, but woo - Alpha Flight are here to support the X-Men. Maybe the space bullshit will only take up one more issue. It ends there, so we'll find out next time.

Around issue #5 of this run I stated that I was starting to notice the narrative formula. Each issue will focus on a handful of characters while introducing some new crisis, the rest of the team will get a few panels at best, there'll be some action squeezed in somewhere and then it'll end on a cliffhanger. The cumulative effect is that the plot is glacially slow, the characters have one or two defining traits/issues, and most plot points dangle as crisis after crisis gets piled on.

Even the plot points that have been revisited haven't been resolved in any way, like Graymalkin or the ongoing O*N*E cold war. Here's a list of the dangling plot threads and character beats I could think of without rereading.

- 3K and the adult mutants

- Cassandra Nova

- R-LDS

- The Upstarts

- Graymalkin prison

- The O*N*E

- Scott's anxiety attack

- Piper Cobb

- Magik's chess game

- Idie's problems with authority and teamwork

- Magneto. Just Magneto. He's there but has little to say

- The Phoenix

- Beef with Rogue

- King Bedlam's price

Any one of these things would usually be a priority to deal with or at least discuss. I feel like it devalues their importance to just introduce a new problem almost every issue and it makes it harder to get invested in events as they unfold. This issue, for instance - I suspect it'll be resolved next issue and not spoken about again. Or, it will be a drawn out space adventure like the old days and all the Earthly problems will be put on the backburner. Either way it's a problem caused by frontloading all these crises and continually stacking them on top of one another.

There are moments of solid execution and meaningful character work, but when everything is a crisis nothing is. X-Men #11 looks pretty good, as usual, but it's entirely skippable. If you are a big Corsair fan and want 10 pages of him failing a simple task then this book is for you, but if not you can get everything you need from the intro blurb next issue.

[actuallyimspiderman]

good job muñeca~

heyyyy. THANK YOU ALL SM FOR THE SUPPORT OF MY FIRST DRABBLE🫶🏾 i appreciate it so very much and its motivated me to write moreee:) this short story is gonna be a miguel o'hara x fem!reader smut. basically this is the reader's first time doing 69 and they start off a lil embarrassed but eventually its just tew good😩 hope you all enjoyyy!╰(*´︶`*)╯♡

warnings: fem!reader, smut, oral (69- reader is on top) m and f recieving, a little praising, a little degrading, plot before smut, lmk if i missed anything!

˜”°•.˜”°•˜”°•.˜”°•˜”°•.˜”°•˜”°•.˜”°•˜”°•.˜”°•

you and miguel have been together for over half a year now. and let me just say you were both head over heels for each other. you two were alwaysss right by each other's sides. whenever someone saw miguel, they knew you weren't too far behind. whenever someone saw you possibly getting hit on by another guy, they knew it was only a matter of time before miguel showed up and showed out. to put it simply, you guys were in love. you were never afraid to try new things with your miggy, outside and inside the bedroom.

whether it was trying a new position, trying out some bdsm plays, or even roleplay. you and miguel both had a need to keep things real spicy. one day, after a stressful day at HQ all miguel wants to do is come home and drown himself in his lovely girlfriend.

you were laying down in your bed watching your best friend, hobie's (🤭) latest band performance when you heard the lock to your front door being unlocked. you run and jump into miguels arms happily like you do everyday. "miguel!-" you hold his face in your hands, "welcome home baby" you finish off your sentence with a warm smile and a kiss on his lips. "hola muñequita" he kisses you back of course, but you can feel that something's off when he sets you back down on your feet. "miggy? is there something wrong love?" miguel grabs your waist and moves you to the side so that he can settle down on your shared bed and decompress from his day at work. "no baby-" he dissolves his suit and throws on some more comfortable clothes. "well not really... just a stressful, loud ass day at work." he says grabbing your hand to pull you closer, and wrapping his arms around your waist as you stand in between his legs. "mmm-" you let out while poking your bottom lip out into a slight pout. you know how hard miguel works but you also understand how heavy it can probably get with him being the boss and all. all you wanna do is help him, even if it's just for a moment. "is there anything i can do to help you?" you start slightly massaging his shoulders. "is there anything you have in mind quierda?" you shrug and try to think of at least one thing. "do you want something special to eat? orrr...im not sure. we can do anything you'd like lovie." miguel raises his head from resting on your stomach and raises an eyebrow, "oh yeah mama? anything?~"

and thats how you've ended up with you on your back, miguels big figure hovering over you, a vibrator on your clit and miguels lips all over your body. "lo se cariño, lo se-" you can hear miguel's condescending attempts at comforting you because of how long hes kept your pussy throbbing but can't seem to gather words to respond to him. "you're the one who said we can do anything i'd like." he says as you feel him smirk against your neck. if you weren't so sex drunk right now you would roll your eyes at him. with a kiss on your temple, miguel lowers the vibrator setting and sits you on top of him straddling his lap. "there's something i want us to try babe." you've finally come to your senses enough to respond to him. obviously you guys are always trying new stuff so there isn't much hesitation from you. "and what's that?" miguel bites his lips and guides your hips to turn you around so that youre in reverse cowgirl. "sit a little higher up on me baby" your eyes widen in surprise as you flip back around. "huh? l-like a 69 position?-" miguel clenches his jaw and nods his head. you can see that miguel really wants this. but unlike when you are usually immediately open to new ideas in the bedroom, this is one you've been purposely avoiding. "but i've never...-" you look down at your hands, "what if i crush you or get too heavy or like you can't breathe or-" miguel swiftly sits up and captures your lips in his. "bebe i think you underestimate how strong i am-" he laughs softly, "i promise it'll be okay mi amor, just try it hmm? if you dont like it or seriously don't wanna do it, then we don't have to." he grabs you hand and gives it a tender kiss reassuring you. you nod, "thanks mig, now... let's get back to what we were doing, what about that?" you gently push him down with your hand on his chest and get into position. "fuck...yes please" miguel already has the vibrator back on your clit and is lapping away at your juices. "oh shit~" of course miguel has eaten you out before but there was something different about this time that just made you feel it even more. miguel slaps your ass, "69 goes both ways princesa, get to yea?" you immediately take miguel's cock into your mouth but my god you can barely focus with the way hes going at it. and the absolute filth thats leaving his mouth when he comes up for breath. "yeah you like that baby?...come on use your words slut...i know its a lot nena, you're doing so good though" jesus christ would he just shut up before you make an absolute...well even more of an absolute mess? he knows good and well that it overstimulates you, that's exactly why hes doing it

as you're reaching yet another climax, your legs start to get a little shaky and your throat is fucked raw by miguels cock with the way he's been thrusting up into it cumming multiple times. fuck it...you set your weight on miguels face and start riding it, chasing your high. his nose bumping against your clit is simply heaven. you dont want it to end and you can tell neither does miguel with the way he wasnt taken aback at all. "fuck! miggy im so close baby. please don't stopp please! holy-" youre cut off when you feel the knot in your stomach release. miguel lets you ride out your orgasm happily being smushed right in between your thighs. with a loud sigh you get off and lay right beside miguel, legs still quivering a little. "good job nena~ you actually rid my face." he says tapping your ass playfully while having a cocky look on his face. "yeah well i couldn't help ittt. i got sensitive and i know you could tell!" you blush a little getting a lil embarrassed with the way you got carried away. miguel lets out a muffled laugh with the way you're covering his face so that he can't tease you anymore. "aww come on baby~ it was cute" you roll your eyes. "whatever we're not doing that anymore" he kisses your hands and takes them off his face so that he can kiss your lips.

yeah...you're definitely doing that again.

˜”°•.˜”°•˜”°•.˜”°•˜”°•.˜”°•˜”°•.˜”°•˜”°•.˜”°•

whew chile, miguel o'hara is too sexy for OUR own good😔. hope you all enjoyed, love ya!🫶🏾

[moonchildstyles]

im kinda missing uni sooooooooooooo

maybe flower and h haven’t talked in a day or two because exams are coming up and they’ve both just been so busy with their own stuff, maybe she had a chem exam first and Harry helped her with that before focusing on his stuff, so now they’re just basically locking themselves away to cram, and flower is at the library with her books scattered around her table and her headphones in so focused on the book in front of her, and h has been on the opposite corner of the library for a couple of hours but neither of them know and they hadn’t had a chance to cross paths bc they’re both hunched over their papers, but maybe he had to pee and he’s just making a lap around the building to stretch his legs and when he leaves the bathroom he’s stopping in his tracks when he sees her, brows furrowed as she types something on her computer and he’s just (: and she doesn’t notice him, shoving her pen between her teeth to briefly focus on her laptop, and he walks back to his table and packs his things and immediately going over to her but she’s taken up the whole table so he sets up at the table next to hers, and she only briefly looks up at the movement but doesn’t realize it’s him because she’s kinda stressed, and it’s only when he has his stuff spread out does he walk over to her and come up behind her to softly wrap his arms around her shoulders and she jumps as Harry tugs out her earbuds and kisses her cheek and she turns her head to his smile asking how she is and how long she’s been here and he crouches down with his hands on the arm of her chair bc he doesn’t want to sit and disturb her long but she’s happy to see him and babbling about the study guide and after a few minutes he asks if she can watch his things and she’s just ??? bc where is he sitting but she says sure and he kisses her before he’s getting up and she’s watching as he grabs his backpack from the table in front of hers and giving her a small wink before he’s walking away and she doesn’t question what he’s up to- until 10 minutes later when a warm coffee cup is being set in front of her with a kiss to her forehead and she can’t even say thank you before he’s sitting at his table, facing her and she mouths her thanks which he just smiles at and sips his own coffee, and they just study like that for hours, occasional glances and funny faces, both of their headphones in, and sometimes they’ll send each other a random message or get up to stretch and get a kiss and it’s just so cute them studying together like that ):

- 🍓

NOOOOOOO THIS IS SO CUTE STOP IT:(((( the idea of him seeing her and just moving everything over so he can be close to her:( but I can so see him being like he doesn't want to distract her or anything so he stays at a separate table and makes sure she's still studying and staying up on everything:( always there to help if she has a question though but hes so proud of her when she gets it all together all by herself and has him look at it after :((((((( and him going to get her a chai or a matcha or something :((( BUT I NEED YOU TO KNOW HOW DEEPLY THE IDEA OF HIM CROUCHING BY HER CHAIR AND LOOKING UP AT HER IS EMBEDDED IN MY BRAIN:( like that is SO sweet peak romance of him looking up at her and giving her a little kiss before being like okay im going to go get her a hot chocolate :) and they def take tiny breaks together for kisses and decompressing nad just :( im literally sos down bad this is so cute :(

[blazingstaro]

Hey gang! DotS:MMM update!

I will preface: the comic is still live and shall continue at an irregular schedule until I can pull myself together and get back into the flow

Frankly I have not felt up to drawing and forcing myself into a grind. I need to pace myself and not feel like this is an obligation. I started feeling like I had to make pages to keep up the pace and not disappoint, but that started to really ebb at my enjoyment of making this comic

This is my hobby, and not my job. Nobody pays me to make these. I make this because I like it and want to tell a story. Something I have to constantly remind myself, despite the pressure of disappointing my readers with my inconsistency. These days I draw in bursts and end up losing my stamina because I become emotionally overwhelmed

My energy is still fickle. I'm bombarded with overwhelming negativity at home from various sources, including personal stress and depression caused by my current life situation. What I make to decompress shouldn't be a stresser either

I'll continue to chip away at finishing these pages for DotS:MMM Part One, but it will be at my own pace. I'll post again once I feel ready and satisfied enough with how many pages I have in hand. Deadlines stress me out and kill my motivation to draw. Again it makes me feel obligated to do this stuff, to make it instead of just being something I enjoy and have fun with

Also Orpheus decided to worm his way in, so now I have to rewrite some scripts to as well fix a tremendous continuity error that Orpheus has come in to correct. This man makes me rewrite everything, I swear omg

You'll see what I mean in later parts of DotS:MMM

Thank you guys as always for your patience! 💖

Additionally for you all, my Tumblr lovelies, I'll continue to answer asks! Might be able to squeeze in a sketch or two as I go, but goodness I have to constantly train myself to draw for fun and not treat it like work. Tumblr has been helping with that a lot

My previous following several years ago on dA used to pressure me into keeping up with my own content and would punish me with hateful comments if I didn't post art of their fave OC of mine often enough (yes my OWN oc, not a fan character), and UGHGHGH MAN. HEAVEN FORBID I posted a new design without some sort of specific ritual first, just up and dropped a new character like "hi hello this is bleebo blorbie my new baby blorbo kthx bye". They'd throw a fit over that too. Not everyone of course, but it was a lot of people

I was bullied by fans of my own original content 😭 you see why I do fan stuff these days

It wasn't even remotely done, didn't even have a comic or story; people lusted over my own designs. I felt like I had to finish a story that never wanted to be told just to make ends meet, to appease the unappeasable, and burnt myself out entirely on the series to where I had to scrap the whole thing.

Thankfully that's not the case anymore, with my current following being great and sweet, but on rare occasions a rare impatient reader will show themselves on dA specifically

I appreciate you guys being so chill and kind to me throughout this year 😭 Tumblr gang I've always loved y'all. I haven't felt at home on a site in so long

[timeoverload]

I did not have a good time today. I was hoping it would be easier but I was wrong about that again. The morning team lead was in a shitty mood. He was yelling at me about his frustrations as soon as I got there. I know he was venting but it feels like he is taking out his anger on me when he talks to me that way. He was getting in my face a little bit and I didn't like that. I'm not sure if he was even aware that he was acting unprofessional. That is not a good way to start the morning and he acted like that all day. It stressed everyone out. He also stayed late, which was nice of him to do but he really didn't have to. We were busy but it wasn't so bad that we couldn't manage it without his help. He has a habit of staying late during the week so that he can leave early every Friday. He didn't go home until 4:30 even though he is supposed to leave at 2:30. He was driving me nuts even when he was working on the other side of the room.

I got done with my cases at 12:30 but then I had to spend over an hour peel packing instruments. I was mad about it because I thought the reason that I had to do it was stupid. One of the eye doctors is on vacation for the next 2 weeks and the eye coordinator told me to take all of his instruments out of the cataract pans and peel pack them all. We are going to put them back in there when he gets back so all of that work seems pointless. She thinks it will save us money but I think she's wrong. Having those instruments in the pan doesn't slow me down at all and they don't move as much when they are being reprocessed so there are less chances for them to get damaged. I think they are more likely to get damaged now when there are tons of peel packs crammed into small bins. They are safer in the metal pans. They had to pay me for taking all of them out and repackaging them. The peel packs and instrument protectors are expensive but she didn't seem to care when I explained that to her. I had to run an extra cycle in the autoclave for all of those instruments and our autoclaves use a lot of energy so that isn't cheap. Everyone else thought it was a bad idea too but I had to do it anyway. I think she likes finding me more work to do because she drops stuff a lot and opens shit for dumb reasons so I have to redo it. She will see me drowning in work and she will dump more on me. She has texted and called me outside of work asking me questions about stuff. She doesn't trust me even though I have proven that I can get everything done. It also upset me that she didn't consult with anybody or tell the other eye coordinator about the changes so everyone was confused earlier. She is getting on my nerves and I think she can tell that I'm getting fed up. I'm trying not to show it but it was difficult for me to maintain my composure earlier. I wanted to talk to the director about what was going on but he couldn't make time for me today. Sometimes I feel like I am annoying him now. I haven't gotten to talk to my boss about anything either. I suppose I will just have to put up with it.

I ate breakfast and lunch today. I wanted to go outside at lunch just because I felt like I needed to leave the building to decompress. Unfortunately I don't have enough time to go somewhere else to get food. I was hangry so I didn't go anywhere. I got a salad because nothing else they had looked good. It wasn't enough but it was better than nothing. I was upset because I really just wanted to go get a burrito or something.

I lifted too much today so my body isn't very happy with me. I haven't had any more heart issues so that's good. My rib wasn't bothering me either so I'm glad I don't have to worry about that so much anymore. I am very tired though.

I was hoping I wouldn't have to stay my full shift but I did anyway. I really wanted to leave early today because I know I probably won't be able to tomorrow. Tomorrow is going to be busier for me and I'm not looking forward to it. I was thinking about calling in tomorrow because I have 15 hours of PTO available but I don't think I will. I should save it. I am going to have a lot to do. I just don't feel like getting yelled at in the morning but I have to deal with it and try not to let him get to me.

I think I need to try to relax now and stop thinking about work so much. It is sort of hard for me to calm down because I saw a spider in my room when I got home. I don't know where it went. I am sure there are probably more. I don't have a problem with bugs but I hate it when they are in my room. I used to have an extreme phobia of spiders but it isn't as bad now. I am still not happy that I saw one. I'm not going to try to search for it right now because I don't have the energy at the moment. I will be ok as long as I don't wake up to it crawling on me. I am going to do my best to stop thinking about that too. I don't have much else to say. I wish I had more positive things to talk about. I really hope I sleep better tonight.

I hope everyone else has a good day tomorrow too. Thanks for listening to me. :) 💖💖💖

[nerdyqueerandjewish]

Hey just wanted to say I'm sorry about the web of tragedy in your life rn. you are right that it never ends, and is hard to explain to people from "nicer" areas. I experienced a lot of shitty stuff in my rural hometown and family, and now as an adult the news keeps following me, it's always something. I wanted to say two things- 1. please take some time for self-care even if you feel like you shouldn't or are "less affected". it adds up over time (1/2)

secondly, the only way we get through this world is finding the beauty in small things and counting blessings. when our lives are absolute shit and everyone is dying, it's not "toxic positivity" to say, well at least I have housing, well at least the trees and garden are beautiful today. it's coping but i think that's healthy and normal, to grasp at what beauty is left. if you don't look for any blessings then there isn't anything left. "toxic positivity" is pretending the bad stuff isnt there

it's ok to mourn and feel the bad things but also look for signs of blessings and beauty!! but also i very much feel you with hating true toxic positivity....which feels like a form of straight up denial and repression of emotions. feels like the difference is acceptance, and adding "and" vs. denial (3/3 im done now). hope you find some good things this week

Thank you - I needed this. I’m the primary person giving emotional support my partner while they go through an intensive outpatient program and while it has been overall good for them, there is just a lot going on and they are feeling a lot of emotions, especially frustration, depression, and anxiety. So there’s just a lot of stress in my home right now, and it’s a lot for me to try to be there but also regulate my own emotions and break some of the patterns that I learned in childhood. And then on top of that people where I grew up keep dying in awful, horrible ways. I’m reminding myself that during the height of the pandemic, people talked about the mental toll of disenfranchised grief, and I think that this feeling is similar to that,m. It just keeps rolling and it gives me weird survivor’s guilt and also makes it feel like I’m going to drop dead at any moment.

It can feel uncomfortable to do the nice things for myself, like I’m “supposed” to be only feeling bad with all this (while simultaneously not being effected because nothing bad is happening directly to me? Make up your mind, brain!) but I’m trying to re-frame it as practicing, so that someday I can do it more comfortably. And I feel like I have gotten better too! I think in the past I would have not made time for myself to decompress and do outside things.

[kuwdora]

I am so stressed that I feel like I'm getting an ucler or something. All I wanna to do is just decompress and work on my fic. unclench and not feel guilty about my anxiety and life stuff...or have the stress lingering in the back of my mind. Writing has helped with this in the past. But the last few weeks I've reach the end of my day and my brain is just floating in a bag of anxiety and I caaaaan't make words. I can only think about writing. At least I've managed to unfuck the snarly bits of my draft before this latest Anxiety happened. So tired. I just need to survive this week. just like last week and the week before. I want to make more words....horny philosophical words...vilgefortz...and geralt... it's 18k...i could probably write like 2k about me spiraling out of control about this writing experience but I don't actually know if that would be interesting to read about. my writerly brain has been catching up to me since it got disconnected by The Depression nearly a decade ago. Brain has woken up now. no longer feel like a desiccated husk. it's really is a joy, even when writing is hard. cause i love writing so much and i couldn't do it for so long. and also omg I just all the other fic growing in my brain. words. i want them out of me. and that sweet ambrosia of Finishing Things and posting. my yennskier fic wips... my radskier wip(s??)... all the other wips. piles of wips. my Ciri grief thing. my words. my storiessss. i have well over 60k of stuff that i need to finish, edit, and post. so many words already there. aaahhh.

writing! but anxiety brain. augh.

[tentajack]

This week on Tentajack Z

It's been a while since I've posted about my life stuff

-I'm currently decompressing all the stress from the holidays due to my job, which has left me in what I can only call my 'brain dead' mode while I try to get my shit together again. I'm not doing this shit again next fall/winter so I need to find a better job in the next few months, I WON'T stay where I'm currently working

-Confirmed I'm running the CYOA I've been talking about sometime in the next two weeks, no matter if I don't have everything done (At this point it's just character portraits as I'm swearing off all backgrounds/environmental art except for the opening bathroom scene and a shot of the entire front of the hotel building, and I still need to make those too.) If I don't get it done in time, then tough shit I'm going forward anyways!

-I've only made a few mentions of it on this blog, but the cyoa will be run on 4chan over on /mlp/. I know not everyone is comfortable with that, but this style of cyoa requires all submissions to be anonymous, and the only other viable place that lets me do that is tgchan (Tempted to run there sometimes but I would need to lurk there first to get a feel for it). That said, getting people from over here means some of the dumber anons won't be the majority of responses, so I do invite everyone to give it a try once it's live.

-I had a strange dream series last night, first it was minecraft (did you know I've never played with somebody? Only solo? It's so lonely), then it turned into a strange mix of pokemon and MMBN while taking place in a smoothed over version of the minecraft environment I was in? There was much rollerskating involved and it was so cool. Then it all melted away into a little house in a sky-like void with a pool where the deeper end had algae but I was just chilling and having a fantastic time with the dream people there. I miss people.

-I had like 2 fanfic WIPs I was working on up until all my energy got squeezed out of me by my job, I feel really bad about not finishing them but if I don't work on this CYOA project I'm going to scream

-I still don't have a date for the release of the zine I made an entry for, and while it's nobodys fault (If you're reading this bezka I'm not mad at you at all, I'm just frustrated with the circumstances), I did learn a very hard lesson about tying project start dates to the end dates of other projects; something about my ADHD made it very hard to backpedal from the 'no working on anything else just in case they need you' mindset I made for myself.

-I crave death so badly, but I want to live! whenever or not I can is an entirely different question. I'm going to need to get all my doctor stuff set up like I've been meaning to do for months now

[gweiddiatecate]

My entire bedroom

Breakfast, and lunch in the weekends. I have dinner at my mum's and eat at the office canteen during the week

Bars of soap

Doing the floors and cleaning the bathroom

Cleaning windows and mirrors. I can never get them as clean as my mum can

Nothing that I valued sentimentally, he's just scratched all over my bed (it's synthetic leather)

I do the grocery for me and my mum once a week, so we always have fresh vegetables and fruit

Dixan laundry detergent, lavender scent

I don't have the patience for craft. Cooking, reading, stress cleaning or walking on the treadmill are my only way to decompress

Streaming

The libraries in my study room. I should have gone for something with cleaner lines instead of a slightly "classical" look

24. But I'm sitting on the couch right in front of the glass cupboard where I keep mugs, cups, and glasses

I only have filters on my vacuum cleaners (both robot and manual) and they are washable so of course they're fine

I can't remember the last time I had enough time to take a serious bubble bath. Probably two years ago during Christmas vacations

Only the ones I need

Why would I go out when my goal is to spend as much time as possible at home. I'm paying for it, so I'm enjoying it. But if it gets rough, I'll ring a friend or another and go out for coffee or drinks

The Hunger Games: the ballad of the songbird and the snake

Anti. I'll admit, I have an extensive collection of fairies (I think 42?), yankee candles (12), and a set of decorative teacups but I try to avoid knickknacks as much as possible. It's just more stuff that would need dusting

I... Don't have one?

Frozen vegetables, two packs of fish burgers and caramel gelato

Måneskin

Coop, even though it's pricey

Only reusable bags. I always have a stash in my car and at least one in my purse

Ahahaha. I wish. I get 6 when I'm extremely lucky

Planning retirement hobbies, comparing cleaning equipment and grocery stores

Both are SO good

Movie night

The only ones who send me pictures are those who know I love their kids so, yes

That's not something I do or care about

Three

Nope. Car crashes do have consequences

Black coffe, but I take my tea with one sugar cube and a bit of lemon juice

Traumas. And tarots

Luckily brief, ten minutes by car

Most of the supermarkets also sell books but I don't read Italian anymore

Only for work

Absolutely

I didn't?

Candies. Or chocolate

List, absolutely

My teddy bear. He's been with me since I can remember

An induction kitchen with 5 cookers

I'm struggling with books right now. I've been rereading my all-time favourites to quell the stress

I had to google what the hell that is

Writing

Milk, fruit juice, lemon juice, water, butter, occasional open sauce or jam jars

Overhead lighting

SECRET LIBRARY

Yep

Definitely pro. I have four on my couch and I think 8 or 20 on the guest bed

Just one

I literally bought the house where I was born just so that my mum could live downstairs and reach me whenever and whatever she needs me for, our relationship is incredibly good (though yeah, it was even better when I lived abroad)

Dunno, we have different offices in Italy

YES. I'm a sucker for Christmas though I avoid the typically Christian decorations (I am very much not Christian, although I was raised as one) but I put them up during the second half of November, which for me is around the time of Persephone's descent, and keep them until the end of the first week of January, when we celebrate the Italian "Epifania"

There's a special chicken curry I prepare. It's not difficult, it just needs a lot of different ingredients that I hardly ever have at home so I must buy them specifically for that recipe

English breakfast and/or omelette

Desserts or drinks. Or both

The most worn out

Not really. It's black and white leopard pyjamas, and it's very comfy but it's one of the most unflattering things I own

Do we have a local weather reporter?

Yes, definitely, it's the Ditta Artigianale in Florence. I am OBSESSED. Too bad is a three hour drive from where I live

Probably in the middle. Just as with the other Kinsey Scale

This survey is too American for my European ass

I bumped into one the second weekend of June when I went to Tuscany for a short vacation. Best honey I've ever bought

Writing. Painting the railings. Tidying up the cellar and the garage to make space. Going to sleep

As soon as possible

Yes, a huge cream teddy bear, about 50 cm big. I've always had trouble sleeping alone in bed, and that helps a bit

Unscented

For the weekend to come again?

Ask meme for people in their 30s

What was the first piece of furniture you bought?

What proportion of your meals do you cook?

Foaming hand soap or normal hand soap?

Favorite chore?

Least favorite chore?

Most precious thing one of your pets has destroyed?

Any groceries you've been getting into lately?

What cleaning product do you swear by?

What's your emotional support craft?

Youtube, cable TV, or streaming?

What's something you saved up for and then regretted buying?

How many cups can you see from where you're sitting?

Which filter are you most likely to go "eh, it's probably fine" when you find out you need to change it?

How often do you take baths?

Do you go down each aisle when you grocery shop, or only the ones you know you need stuff from?

Where do you go when you need to get out of the house but it's raining?

What's a movie you saw recently that you liked?

Pro or anti tchotchkes?

What's your go-to tape?

What's in your freezer right now?

Last concert you attended?

Favorite grocery store?

Paper bags, plastic bags, or reusable bags?

Do you get your government mandated 8 hours every night?

Favorite old person activity?

Would you rather sit on the porch drinking sweet tea or sit by the lake drinking beers?

Do you prefer Boardgame Night, Build-Your-Own-Pizza Night, or Movie Night with your friends?

Be honest, do you like all of the pictures of their babies that your friends send you?

Go-to holiday card format?

How many pairs of scissors do you own?

Do you still own your first car?

How do you take your morning coffee/tea?

What's something you collect?

What's your commute like?

Aisle at the grocery store you never bother walking down?

Do you keep a daily journal or agenda?

Do you still listen to the same music you listened to in high school?

What's the last filter you changed?

What little treat do you always get when you run errands?

Grocery list or no grocery list?

What's the oldest thing you own?

What's an unjustifiably expensive appliance that you really want?

Favorite book you've read recently?

Honest feelings on Settlers of Catan?

What's something you wish you had more time for?

What kind of stuff do you keep on the door of your refrigerator?

Lamps or overhead lighting?

If you could build your home from scratch, what outrageous feature would you want to build into it?

Do you bring a bag with you everywhere you go?

Pro or anti throw pillows?

How many blankets do you keep in your living room?

Did your relationship with your parents get better when you stopped living with them?

What's worse, the DMV or the Social Security Office?

Do you decorate your house for holidays? Which ones?

Favorite high-effort meal that you make?

Favorite low-effort meal that you make?

Do you tend to bring an appetizer, entree, dessert, or drinks to a potluck?

What kind of bag do you use for your bag full of bags?

If you died and your ghost was stuck in the outfit you're wearing right now for the rest of time, would you be happy with it?

Do you have an opinion on your local weather reporter?

Do you have a favorite brunch spot?

Where are you on the minimalism-maximalism kinsey scale?

Opinion on Bath and Body Works?

Last time you visited a farmer's market?

Anything you're procrastinating on right now?

Do you get your taxes in as soon as possible, at the last minute, or late?

Do you keep any stuffed animals on your bed?

Are your garbage bags scented or unscented?

What are you looking forward to next week?

[biganimal92]

dude i had a meltdown tonight because i'm just overwhelmed by all the stuff going on in my life right now and i'm just so mad at my therapist for how ineffective this treatment has been so far because they know jack shit about anything going on with my brother and they completely glossed over the fact that i genuinely believe my dad was happy he was diagnosed with cancer because of how much he hated his children. they like never let me talk about anything and instead we do emdr for shit that i don't need help processing so it all bottles up and it all bursts out when i get home from work because i feel like i haven't had a day to myself in over two weeks after starting this super stressful job (i must stress i don't hate this job it's just very mentally demanding and the problem is that i can't decompress after work because i always have something else i need to be doing) and goddddddd. i need to find a new therapist because this shit is making me worse

[ghoulangerlee]

Macaroni and cheese, spring green, and cotton candy?

hi!! i hope you're doing well!! <3

Macaroni and Cheese: What makes you think of your childhood?

Rain on a car window and sitting in the passenger seat while someone else drives; back when I was a kid I used to live 20 minutes from the closest walmart and from the closest grocery store that actually sold decently priced groceries. More often than not it was raining as it is wont to do in the south, especially back in the late nineties. Watching the rain drops race across the window on the way to walmart or the grocery store is one of the most clearest memories I have. I miss my mom a lot, and whenever we have a long spell of rain here, sometimes at work I'll sit in my car on my lunch break and close my eyes and remember a simpler time. If I think about it hard enough, I can still hear her low humming to whatever was playing on the radio (usually the golden oldies).

Spring Green: How do you relax when you’re stressed?

Silence, I'll put my headphones on over my ears and just sit in a dark room for a bit to sorta decompress. Sometimes I get overwhelmed by everything and I need to be as far away from everything as possible. Recently, I've been watching a few ASMR youtube channels when I need something a bit extra to calm down, mostly videos involving like hair sensory stuff, little things like that. Though, secretly, what really helps me relax is queuing up a video on a historic time period and leaning back in my chair and closing my eyes to sorta just take in the words without any other stimuli. It works pretty well on the weekends when I can be alone and not have to be present to keep an ear out for the kid to make sure he doesn't need something from me

Cotton Candy: What is your favorite dessert?

Boston cream pie, without a doubt. Anytime I can splurge on a dessert and it's an option, I get it (though it's so rare around here unless I get one from like a grocery store or something). I just really fucking love a boston cream pie. I don't know what it is about them. But god. There was a period of time where instead of a birthday cake my mom would buy me a boston cream pie as my birthday cake and this went on for like 4 or 5 years when I was a kid adlfkjasdf.

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary143

2/4-5/2024

sunday - monday

monday is the last day off, so i feel like i need to make tomorrow count, or something. i can record tomorrow, actually, pretty exciting, idk if i will, though.

the internet being bad makes a lot of stuff hard, despite that, i've found a way to waste a lot of today, or not waste it, it was nice. i went out with my gf, just the two of us, we walked to get food, the food was good, this japanese restaurant, we just got these sandwiches/burgers (not w/ beef though , she got a shrimp burger thing, i got chicken), they were good, kind of insanely huge and we didn't have to east anything else today really. we also got milk tea. i never really like boba in mine, and my gf likes it but today didn't get any, cuz it'd upset her stomach too much. it was also nice and cloudy out today, we got some stuff from target.

i've just been kind of enjoying decompressing from all the physical stress today, of the past little bit. the moving and the job, very very hard on me, basically. but i didn't do nothing today, the walk wasn't bad but i did decide i had to scrub the floors, some, or at least a good chunk. it seems like maybe i just can't get this place clean for real. using an abrasive sponge, working in pretty small zones and soaking up what i scrub out and putting it in water immediately, nothing is working, heavy duty cleaner, nothing. it's getting better but it won't go away completely, these fake wood panels are way too porous and i think the laminate is fucked or something. i don't know what to do really, just keep trying, but it's probably basically futile.

i also kind of got some of my favorite socks dirty because i just thought, i'll try and start in the bathroom, but then i decided i needed to get more of the apartment, it was absentminded i was just focusing on cleaning, and they're dirty, these really long and nice american apparel socks my gf gave me, they were hers, she says they'll be fine when we get bleach on them and stuff, plus if that doesn't work, she says she will try and get her mom to get them drycleaned i guess. i tried to wash them. i'm pretty sad about this but it probably will be okay. even if the bleach doesn't work there's other stuff we can try, is i guess the point.

i just went and scrubbed them a little, gently, with detergent, something came out i think. i think i'm probably sort of crazy about this kind of thing but whatever, it makes me hopeful about the bleach, is what i'm thinking. anyway. the apartment. idk, it feels not sticky in the places i cleaned at least. so as long as nobody wears their shoes all over in here, we should be okay. or i guess me, since i'm the one that cares a lot, i'll be okay. i'll be okay no matter what i guess.

music to space out with. funny how this band sounds like some people trying to do xiu xiu a bit.

re: music rn, the problem song sounds really really really close, i need the right channel to be thicker sounding, but the tone is right, just needs more body for presence, left channel has something a little plastic in it, maybe the solution is lower the left channel by 1-2 db, and then raise the group they're both in by 1 db so they can both be equal + louder together, rather than graphically eqing? idk. putting these notes down for later, maybe, tomorrow i might just decide to work on the rest of the songs so this phase can be over with, and then i pick out the 'still a problem' songs, and get to work on them.

just did some listening to some tracks on the album, it's so weird how they sound when listened at low volumes, which makes me think i need to correct something but idk, it's also like, i use 2 different programs to listen back to music sometimes. vlc is weirdly quiet and ugly sounding, and mpv seems super clear and accurate. it's interesting, i did testing by uploading the current issue song to soundcloud privately and then testing if the upload sounds more like mpv or vlc, it sounds more like mpv, but it also gains a touch of clarity there or something. it has to do w/ the compression i suppose, that the site adds to music.

the same desire still stands, add more body to the right (make some shelving towards the end in the lows less aggressive? maybe just move it down out of the low mid range), and maybe cut around 1k in the left channel? and then i will drop it by 1-2db, raise the group by 1, that should be good on the guitars, snares need a tiny bit of punch, what do i do there, maybe just up the level? i'll try that tomorrow.

listening to holy molar at super low volume, they have a similar issue w/ how my stuff sounds at low volume, that record went to printing, so that's okay i suppose, it's not an issue, it's literally just got headroom, i think. i think the issue is, if anything, that my guitars don't really have headroom, but it's impossible for them to as far as i can tell, because of their nature as weird digital synths going thru weird digital distortion.

i listened to a diff recording but it's a good song, the version on the 03 ep that's compiled onto this record.

anyway i am sooo sleepy, but i am looking forward to working on music tomorrow. tobeehonesttttttttt. i need to have my head together for that,

so,

byebye!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[steamishot]

redlands

this is the most invested we were for any job opportunity that matt has received since last year. we were thinking, talking and stressing about it for two whole weeks. i was venting a lot to my poor friend K. however, after assessing the contract, we noticed some discrepancies with what was said verbally over the phone. they mentioned the contract was for 2 years, with a 30 day notice for termination; yet, the contract stated 3 years with a 180 day notice. they refused to state exactly how often matt will be working at each of the two hospitals he would be assigned to. when asked about the relocation package, it was like pulling teeth to get an answer. i understand that their company was just bought out by UHG so there may have been some honest misunderstandings - however, the discrepancies didn't sit well with us.

i also work with physician contracts and we spell everything out pretty clearly (including hospital assignments and specific job duties) and are responsive if they have any concerns or questions. in regards to his job search, i learned that i get invested too quickly, create all these scenarios and expectations in my head, and set myself up for disappointment. this was a whole roller coaster ride. in the future, i told matt that he should only apply to larger hospitals, preferably teaching hospitals or kaiser. i am okay with living a bit further away from LA if that means his working conditions would be better. the whole point of taking the NYU job was for it to open doors at other academic settings.

we talked about continuing to do this semi-long distance situation, where i am in LA 3 or so weeks at a time, until he finds something. obviously, it's not my ideal situation. i look forward to the days where we don't hop on a plane as often and can have an easier life. i feel the pressure to move forward with our lives - to get married, settle down, have kids, etc. due to our ages. however, it is all perspective and how i choose to approach a situation. it also helps to hear from older friends that i don't have to be in such a rush. in the grand scheme of things, we're still young and at least are financially stable and moving in the right path. though it is also difficult personally to also not feel like life is "passing us by" because of ties to this medical journey.

living in LA has been detoxing. the quietness, slower paced life, and living with my semi-retired parents and grandma and babysitting my baby niece (who in general have little worries) is like a retreat. i almost have reverse culture shock and feel anxious due to how slow people move here. i need decompression time like this in order to face the hustle and bustle of nyc.

to recap one on year since attendinghood life:

started tracking our finances via ramit's CSP; lots of progress made and we have a positive net worth. matt's catching up in his retirement accounts and HYSA

took countless vacations and small trips to find out that we now prefer the relaxation/nature vacations. we're already overly stimulated in our daily lives and it's not as enjoyable to vacation in another big city. crashed and burned at the 6 month mark as a wake up call

completed my BS in accounting degree (oops, i haven't used it - should look into getting a CPA) and got a promotion whoo

we learned a lot about how to live more mindfully and healthily (still a work in progress). time off > more money - though this is something that matt still struggles with. i really do believe that environment matters so much.

we both benefitted a lot from therapy (still work in progress). though i realize that therapy is almost a replacement for having friends/family and like a band-aid for living in such a stimulating city. it makes sense that therapy is more needed when we are in NYC versus in LA.

MORE friends and social time

lots of hot yoga

lots of stress about job searching in LA

LA stuff

finally getting a transvaginal ultrasound at 4pm today (which i am quite nervous about). i hate getting things inserted into my vajayjay lol, but hopefully this will provide some peace of mind about my feelings of tension

got a haircut in chinatown, and will get my eyebrows done before I&I's wedding

BBQ at someone's house this saturday with my family

lunch with G & M and getting ready at M's place before I&I's wedding

working out at home, and taking walks/mini hikes at elysian park by myself