#just needs to also have a mic since id mostly just be using it for discord calls

[moonsidesong]

i need to get a pair of wired headphones for my laptop.... i love my nc earbuds but They Dont Like My Laptop

[enhyupn]

the perfect date! five

masterlist | previous | next

a series in which enhypen’s 02s competitive side shines through when trying to get your attention. the only solution to end this tiring rivalry? three dates with each of them in the course of three weeks.

paring: 02s x gn!reader

word count: 4.6k

genre: fluff, angst, high school!au, someone’s gonna end up heartbroken

warnings: swearing, violence is mentioned, jealousy, arguments + there might be grammatical and spelling errors in this 😞

ask to be on taglist, updates are irregular

a/n this was a rollercoaster to write but also i tried to think about what i would do in that situation 🤨 i lowkey hate how i wrote tho but!! i tried to tie it in with the next part so

taglist: @dchannie17 @simluvbot @jaeyuni @neocrush @penghoons @min-arya @sunooflowerss @badroseee @cha-raena @ghjasksdk @strawr @jaypen @nanachuu @nikisboxysmile @softkons @kisshoons-main @enha-woodzies @hwngslove

groggily walking up to multiple missed calls instead of your usual alarm wasn’t what you were exactly expecting on a wednesday morning. you couldn’t even feel your arm moving to pick up your phone on your bed side table, the numbness in your fingers slightly going away as you accepted the call.

you hadn’t even spared a glance at the caller id, not even caring at the point if a scammer was the one spamming your inbox. you wanted to get over with the call as soon as possible. you contemplate for a second, your brain not fully awake asking yourself if you should put the phone on speaker or not. your decision was made with a drowsy tap, the sound of a familiar voice flooded your bedroom (crossing out the scammer possibility).

“i’m outside, i can see your window from here” the oddly cheerful voice took over your senses, snapping your eyes wide open at the volume. you sit up from you bed, confused why he was so energetic at six thirty in the morning. you couldn’t help but crack your back and arm into the mic, the stiffness going away with the cost of jake cringing at the sound. “why did you need to do that at full volume?”.

“it’s therapeutic” you retaliate, your voice still sounding a little rough due to just being woken up. you had to fight the urge to bicker with jake, knowing it wouldn’t end well with your drowsy state of mind. you sigh, one leg out of the bed with the full intention of flipping jake off from your bedroom window. “you know what time it is, right?”.

“you know what time sunghoon wants us there at, right?” you couldn’t help but roll your eyes when opening your flimsy curtains, a self reminder to change them in the later week. “there you are” a smile intertwining with his words. you couldn’t help but dismissively shake your head when your eyes caught a glimpse of jake’s figure waving at you enthusiastically, you could even see his smile brightly shining on you.

“get inside” you ask him with your eyes slightly closed, your hands running through your hair sleepily. “i’m scared that if you stay there for any longer you’ll be reciting romeo and juliet to the whole neighbourhood”.

“rise up, beautiful sun, and kill the jealous moon. the moon is already sick and pale with grief because—” his short lived shakespeare performance was dropped in an instant when you ended the call. with your eyes following him as he made his way to your doorstep, a light giggle escaping absentmindedly. your eyes widened at your action, not expecting it at all.

“what the hell was that” you almost slapped yourself in shock, shaking it off you drop your phone onto your bed (throwing it would be the more realistic word honestly). a loud groan coming out of your mouth when your tiredness finally caught up to you, a reminder than you had woken up just to go to school. “jake sim did not just make me giggle like a school girl” you whispered, embarrassed by yourself as you held up your school uniform in disgust, a wave of shudders falling onto you.

even without the presence of jake in front of you, you knew that he was almost impatiently waiting for you in your living room right underneath you. with one last tug at your obnoxious tie, you take a closer glance at your mirror. your hands fidget around your face, hair and anywhere you thought you needed to fix up on. humming the lyrics of a catchy song stuck in your head, you feel your heart suddenly drop at the memory of the previous night before.

as dramatic as it may look, you were not ready to see jay later in the morning. embarrassing yourself and being potentially confessed to was the first part of your worries, having to face him after doing those was now currently your main problem. you contemplate for a moment, eyes trained your your reflection in the mirror as a way to build your slowly deteriorating confidence. with a deep breath you closed your eyes, the calming air surrounding you finally taking it’s place—

“are you ready?” multiple loud knocks interrupted you abruptly, scaring you to the point of almost screaming. you knew from the ability to comfortably go around your home like it was his own, that this impatience came from jake himself. you roll your eyes as you roughly grab your bag from the corner of your room, your expression not growing any more happier when you swung your door open.

“you’re so annoying, you know that right?” you mentioned as you stomped past him, the boy only chuckling to himself seeing you so agitated. he followed you down to your dining room, his feet feeling light as he bounced around you excitedly.

“we’re also going to be late” he mentions, pausing his words to look down on his oddly expensive watch. you chew on a piece of toast that seemed to be a little stale, your eyes bringing themselves to the shiny object in admiration. you knew that jake was well off but from the looks of it, he was definitely more than just well off. “do you like it?” his words catch you off guard.

“what?” you blink a few times, you feel yourself snapping back into reality watching jake chuckle to himself quite theatrically. you scowl slightly when he shook his hands in the air to dismiss his previous comment, using two of your fingers to try and shove in the rest of the toast.

“you’re gonna choke on that you know?” jake mentions to you as he walked around your living room. you hadn’t even noticed his wandering curiosity until you heard his voice in the background. you shake your head, trying to send the message to him that you’ll be alright. with your eyes trained on your best friend, you couldn’t help but grin softly to yourself at the sweet expression on his face.

you noticed in his hand was a picture of you from your first day of high school (jake nowhere to he seen since you two didn’t start to be aquatinted until later on in the day). his eyes light up in almost delight at your small awkward figure in front of your school, his head turning excitedly towards you with the picture held out in his hand. you laugh at his enthusiasm before making your way to him, not forgetting to gulp the last piece of bread in your mouth.

“you’re so cute in this!” jake’s compliment only brought him a light slap on the shoulder in retaliation, a shy smile on your face hiding from him. he brings the photo closer towards you, you could almost feel how amused he was from just standing beside him. “how have i never seen this before?” he questions, his eyes still glued to the old picture of you.

“because it’s embarrassing” you express, a sigh escaping your mouth as you take the picture from his hands. “i can’t believe you saw me looking like this and was like, let me talk to them!” an energetic snort coming out of your nose. jake only stared at you sheepishly at your words, knowing the full truth behind his introduction to you.

“well actually—”

“it’s almost seven” you exclaim in shock. jake closed his mouth in almost in an instant, his shy attempt to reveal his actions behind the first day of school. “the bus comes on ten minutes” you place a finger onto your chin to think about what your next move should be, run to brush your teeth and inevitably be late for the bus or be on time for the bus but brush your teeth in the gross bathrooms on campus?

“are we gonna go?” jake questions as he fiddled with the strap on his bag. you stare at him for a second, the action creeping out the boy just a little bit due to your trained eyes looking more like a glare than anything. “hey, earth to—”

“jake, i’ll be back in about...” you back up briskly, your feet already guiding you to your bathroom. you could see the boy’s eyes roll, knowing all too well what you were about to do. this hasn’t been the first time you’ve almost caused the two of you to be late for the bus, this time might also just be added to that already long and tiring list. “i’ll be out in four minutes! get you’re feet warmed up we can make the bus in five minutes without stopping!”.

“y/n you can just—”

“jake trust me!” you shouted from your bathroom, slightly muffled from the toothbrush in your mouth. even with your annoying actions, jake didn’t seem to let that shy smile falter on his lips. with his hands running through his hair he only tried to think of the positives in this situation, your timing was always mostly good (a 60% chance you were actually going to make it to the bus on time!).

i’ll trust them jake thought to himself hopefully. when i have i ever doubted them?

jake wishes that this was the only time he would ever doubt you. as much as he loves you, he knew that standing at the bus stop watching your hourly bus drive off wasn’t something he was going to instantly forgive you for. he takes a glance at you, your apologetic expression taking over your face as you pouted your lip. even with his overbearing crush on you, nothing was able to control his soon to be burst of anger.

“you told me—”

“i only estimated!” you put your hands up in the air defensively. you were now chewing your cheek in dissatisfaction at your timing just being a second off, maybe you should of jumped in front of the bus to force them to let you in or even something along those lines. “hey, maybe we should—”.

“i’m not taking anything from you right now” jake stopped you, you nod admitting your mistake knowing if you were him you wouldn’t trust yourself either. “god” he sighs out in frustration, your guilt creeping in when he started to rub the temples of his forehead in defeat. “you text sunghoon we might be late, if we start walking now we might be able to be there in twenty minutes”.

“huh— oh okay” you spoke timidly, “i’m sorry by the way”. your eyes avoiding his in embarrassment from this whole situation, staring at your moving feet as you made your way down the road to your school. jake’s eyes softened at your awkwardness, even though you messed up he still couldn’t find himself hating you with everything in him (only hating you with some parts of him).

his eyes trained on your hands, rapidly typing out a message to sunghoon in an attempt to redeem yourself for your wildly incorrect timing. his stare traced your ever changing expressions, your lips turning into a flat line at sunghoon’s dissatisfying bland reply before plastering a small smile on your face. jake knew well that it wasn’t the time to get suspicious or jealous, already being mad at you for a short period of time was enough negativity with his feelings surrounding you. nevertheless, he tried to take a peak at your phone, wanting to see what exactly placed a small smile on your face.

his eyes seemed to fail him as all he could get were motion blurs of your screen, the messages and words shaking through his eyes making them unreadable for the most part. he could only catch a small jay on the side of your phone, a small scowl appearing on his face at the sight. yes, the two did previously make some sort of oath to not play the jealous side character but jake couldn’t help but prepare himself for that role. with his tongue poking the inside of his cheek, he looks back at your face, your side profile almost causing him to cough on his spit. blank silence falling right onto him.

why didn’t he know what to say? talking to you was easy but in this moment, the confrontation of asking you what exactly you were with jay scared him so much that it almost rendered him speechless. he kept opening his mouth over and over again, no words appearing as he, at the same time, tried to think of a way to start a conversation with you.

“jay told me something last night” jake silently thanked you for subconsciously reading his mind. he watched as you placed your phone into your pocket, your breathing slightly uneven due to the speed walking. “i want advice because i genuinely don’t know what to think and you’re the only person in my life currently”.

“what did he say?” he couldn’t let his curiosity show that much, sounding a little bit uninterested through his words. “was it something like—”

“i think he confessed to me last night” you exclaimed blankly. jake almost felt himself stop in the middle of the street but, the fact that you two might soon feel the wrath of an annoyed sunghoon was the thing that stopped him from doing so. he stared at your eyes simply blinking with no emotion, like you were trying to figure out how you were supposed to feel yourself in that moment. “i asked when he started and stopped liking me— something like that but, then he said he’s never stopped liking me?”.

“i think that honestly speaks for itself” he forced out a laugh, trying to appear calm compared to the loud screaming in his head with himself. he noticed your head turning to you, a sigh letting out as you aggressively placed your hands into your school blazer in an attempt to express whatever you were feeling.

“i know but— never mind just forget it” you try and begin to ramble, stopping yourself from feeling more exposed than you already were. at one point, through your very quick thought process, you decided that keeping your feelings in wasn’t going to do any good for your relationship with jake. plus, you trust him and you desperately needed advice on something like this. “i’m just confused, how has he liked me for this long? and i didn’t even have a clue that he liked me in any way too”.

“what are you trying to say?” jake shakily asked, the pace of your walking already slightly quickening with each word the two of you were saying. he could feel rocks and sticks under his shoes but it didn’t stop him from stably walking along with you.

“what i’m saying is” you let a sigh out blandly, the exercise not really getting to you just yet. “and without being a bitch about it too, jay has the capabilities to have any person he likes like him back? why me? some loser in his middle school class that helped him and sat beside him a few times?”.

“don’t call yourself a loser” he rolls his eyes in your self deprecation. you chew on your lip in discomfort at his reply, unsure what to say to it. “you have so many qualities that are loveable, if anything you have the capability to have anyone you like, like you back”. jake could feel his ears heat up in embarrassment at his mini praise.

“you’re only saying it because you’re my best friend” you mumbled quietly, not really wanting him to hear you in all honesty. you try and look at the view around you, the embarrassment now seeking in due to your negative feelings. “sorry about this—”

“i’m not saying it as your best friend” jake sternly confessed, taking a gulp at his soon boldness. “i don’t know if you’ve forgotten but, i’m saying it as someone who’s in love with you”. your head automatically turned towards him, like something about his words were magnetic. you’ve heard this all before but, hearing it again with more sincerity only caused your cheeks to heat up uncontrollably. your heart loudly beating in your chest as you tried to steady your feet, unsure if his words were about to trip over at any moment.

“i know more than anyone why someone would like you” he continues, not stopping to even see your expression at all. you feel your feet slow down to a final stop, standing with your eyes staring at his face blankly. yet, even with the plain look on your face, it spoke almost a million words to jake. “you’ve known this since i’ve confessed, i’m not just your best friend y/n”.

you wince in your head to yourself at the mention of your unofficial rejection, your missing reply to his confession stinging you as much as it did to him. you could see his hands slightly shake, the emotions now catching up to the rest of his body. you could feel your eyes almost melt at his awkward yet bold stance, knowing that he was very serious about what he was saying.

“i didn’t know i was this good at keeping things in but this has bothered me ever since i’ve told you i liked you yesterday” you noticed the flutter of cherry blossom leaves fall around him, perfectly contrasting the mess of a scene unfolding right in front of your eyes. if anything, this was a scene made for movies but, upsettingly, you were the one that had to personally make jake feel so vulnerable like this. “please, give me an answer. i don’t care if you can’t return my feelings i just want some sort of reply— please”.

“i— i can’t” you finally had some input into this. with your mouth slightly agape your words disappeared, the shock rendering you speechless. you stood in front of him, with your eyes shaking, unsure what exactly you should do.

you would of never expected this on a morning right before school, before a meeting with another two possible love interests nonetheless. you didn’t know how to reply to him, one part of you wanted to say no, the fear of losing your best friend over something like a relationship not working out scared you to no end. the other part wanted to say yes, but you were unsure where this answer was genuinely coming from. you definitely have, in the past, thought of being romantically involved with jake but soon then quickly threw the thought away in embarrassment.

you only had one answer for him, the genuine yet unacceptable i don’t know. you didn’t know what the future would hold for the two of you in either of the yes or no options. you played with your fingers, avoiding as much eye contact with the boy as you could. in the corner of your eyes you could see his feet shuffling on the spot, a clear sign he was growing more agitated with your silence.

“i get it” he softly stated, you could of sworn you could of even heard a scoff escape his lips too. “i don’t know what i’m saying, jay was right! why am i always pressuring you in these situations? i’m supposed to be someone that comforts you— i’m supposed to—”

“what are you saying jake? you’re always there for me so why am i— why am i the one always hurting you?” you demanded to know, your small tears beginning to well up at your own words. the both of you finding undeniable truth in your sentence, even if it did hurt you to admit that.

“can we just forget this ever happened?” he pleaded, his knees growing weak from the obvious shaking in his joints. you knew even with the conversation only lasting a mere ten minutes, it’s completely drained everything from the two of you. “i shouldn’t of asked... i’m sorry—”

“i want” you began, your eyes closing absentmindedly trying to think harder about your next line. “i want to say yes jake, i desperately want to”. you bit your lip, the action not at all soothing your state of mind.

“then why can’t you?” he began to insist, the previous eagerness reappearing at the sound of hope. “you can say yes—”.

“i’m confused!” you cried out, your hands grabbing the top of your head in distress as you tried to comprehend this situation. “i’m confused about everything! jay, sunghoon— you! everything is happening so fast, nothing is making sense to me; it’s all nonsense. jake i want to say yes, i desperately do, but it’s not that easy for me”.

silence fell on the two of you after your miniature rant, the two of you finally running out of things to say. at once, your eyes were locked on his, the intimacy almost driving you mad yet again. you could see his chest mirror yours, the heavy yet soft breaths escaping his mouth from the excessive conversation. you shove your hands back into your pockets, trying to find comfort in the sudden warmth rushing to your hands.

“can we go back?” jake was the first to declare something, the look of defeat taking over everything in him. “go back to last week, what we were? just best friends that hated world history together?”.

“and forget about all of this?”

“it’s for the best y/n” he sighed, realising how stressful this was for the two of you. “just for my sake? you don’t have to properly answer me until you’re ready”.

“is this what you really want?” your face softens, your feet bringing you closer to the boy. your heart stings when you see him take a step backwards, his feelings well too obvious through his actions.

“of course not” he answered, his fingers rubbing the back of his neck bitterly. “but, i’m not going to be stupid about this. you’re too important to me, if i let you go like this i would beat myself up for the rest of my life”. a sad chuckle escapes his lips, one that spread a frown across your mouth.

“i don’t know—”

“just say yes” he in some way demands, the time for your answer impatiently ticking away. his previous emotional state being replaced with an irritated mood that wanted questions to he answered as quickly as possible. his eyes rolling was the last thing you had expected, causing you to scowl in annoyance.

“fine” you cross your arms defensively. you feel your feet start to make their way down the road, anger now taking over you at his sudden change of mood. you turn your head, getting a look at jake’s standing figure staring at you in confusion. “i thought we were forgetting about this whole thing?” you hadn’t meant to come off as aggressive as you did, the harshness almost making you flinch.

jake just stared at you blankly, watching you toughly turn around before, what it seemed to be, stomping the rest of your way to school. the thought of your festival booth meeting now being a past memory, knowing that the two of you would definitely be late when you finally arrive to the school. he lets a sigh out before taking his first step, the wind making him struggle with not looking like an idiot that just got his heart broken for the second time by the same person.

in the back of him mind he made a reminder to tell sunghoon that the two of you were sorry for missing the meeting, knowing he had a soft spot for you, he wouldn’t be that mad if jake explained exactly what had happened. he lets out a long and deep sigh, the feeling of pure annoyance lacing it. he knew he couldn’t predict what the future was about to hold for the two of you, staring at your obviously irritated stomping in front of him hazily.

scarily enough, the realisation that another person was also observing this mess of a morning hadn’t dawned on him just yet. in fact the same person had watched this whole argument go down.

lee heeseung with wide eyes tried to soak in what had happened, the boy firstly only noticing you two as a coincidence but stayed on purpose when he had noticed your conversation didn’t really go down the road he had originally assumed it would go. when he had noticed that you two finally made a lengthy distance from him, he grabbed his phone out of his pocket in pure surprise, fumbling with it already knowing he was going to talk to.

heeseung: your crush y/n... do they have a best friend named jake?

sunghoon: Yes, why do you ask? Also, why aren’t you at school yet?

sunghoon: Can you see them actually? They are late for the meeting we have, actually they’ve just about missed it. Very unlike Y/N.

heeseung: i think there’s a problem .

sunghoon: I already know about Jake’s crush on Y/N, I doubt there is anything worse than that.

sunghoon: Jay has a crush on them too. Popular person.

heeseung felt guilty when he had finished typing out his reply, he knew how much sunghoon liked you and telling you that you indirectly admitted to jake that you liked him too was probably very problematic to sunghoon’s already fragile feelings. he takes a deep breath in before hitting the send button, scared for his reply.

heeseung: i think y/n likes jake too...

sunghoon: Oh, really?

sunghoon: I can’t say I didn’t expect that. Of course they would like him, they’re perfect for each other.

the boy felt himself frown at his phone, knowing well that behind sunghoon’s reply was an emotional wreck. sunghoon been holding onto that crush on you for almost a year, he had told heeseung his secret the very first moment he had realised it. hours before heeseung received multiple texts from his friend, excitedly telling him about walking with you home and how he had successfully flirted with you. heeseung had known sunghoon for his whole life, being neighbours did honestly help the situation along with their parents being friends. the boy can’t ever recall a time where sunghoon had feelings that were even remotely romantic, only ever being confessed to instead of the one confessing.

heeseung: i’m sorry hoon

sunghoon: No, it’s okay! They’re a good friend anyways so it’s good that I can still talk to them :)

heeseung: sunghoon i promise to you that i will help you

sunghoon: There’s nothing to help with, I’m satisfied with the situation now

heeseung knew very well that sunghoon wasn’t satisfied with the situation, knowing he was probably playing with his sleeves anxiously staring at the classroom door waiting for you to walk in. he tried to quickly rack through his head for some ideas to help his dearest friend in this situation. his eyes lighting up ecstatically when he had finally figured out the perfect plan, one that was sure to work perfectly for sunghoon.

heeseung: go on a date with y/n

heeseung: all three of you go on a date with y/n to be exact

however, his message had more to what it said. he could feel a proud grin growing on his face at his plan finally making sense in his head. to make it more clear, this plan obviously had some sort of advantage for his best friend.

three dates, all with you. what more could you add to a perfect plan like that? all he need to do next was convince you to go on those three dates.

which could be an easy task... hopefully?

[bumackerman]

DEAR ADULT READERS/CREATORS,

18+ (MINORS DO NOT INTERACT)

^ see that? there is absolutely no way you missed that disclaimer if you understand the proper way to read english. but, let’s say you did miss it... here’s this message;

if you are under the age of 18, do not interact with 18+ adult accounts, or content.

there. hopefully you got the memo. if not, then i guess, one day, you’ll have the great opportunity to be featured in this brand new series of exposing, purging, and reporting minors! i mean... yay you?

disclaimer!; do not send any unnecessary hate to any of these people! it does not solve anything, and it could get you in trouble. just report, and block. thanks.

featured today, we have (drumroll please)... @/matching-with-my-demons!

warning: this post is very long!

alright, so i don’t actually know for sure if he’s necessarily a minor, but i do know that he’s been lying his age, and many, many other details about his life, leading to him getting caught by yours truly.

from this point forward, i will be reciting a briefed account of what exactly happened from a collective point of view of all of the victims involved.

I. beginning.

so, (and i think all of the people involved can agree,) this person is a flirt. automatically. just giving everyone pet names, talking about doing stuff with us, role playing with us, you know. nothing too extreme. i wasn’t suspicious of him at this point. i mean, i was sure he was 18+. to be fair, he did mention that he was 21 turning 22. why wouldn’t we believe him? he was speaking like an adult.

II. little lies & suspicion.

now, i’m not saying that this is impossible, but at multiple times during our conversations, he’d mentioned that he was was fluent in seven languages. seven. it’s not entirely impossible, but you’d think that if english wasn’t someone’s first (of many) languages, they’d have some sort of accent, right?

not only that, but he stated that he was six years old when he moved to america from japan, and he hasn’t moved since. i know, i know, yeah, cool he knows a lot of languages, and he’s a foreigner. yadda, yadda. get to the point.

he said that he was of asian descent, and that his parents were both japanese, and they lived in japan their whole lives. where the hell is he learning all of these extra languages at the young age of 21?

if japanese is his first language, we can cut out the time needed to become fluent in it. next, i’m ignoring english, as he would’ve had from the age of 6 to 21 to become fluent in it, but somehow he claimed he wasn’t? (let’s not mention the obvious fake misspellings and misunderstandings of simple words.) how on earth would he have become fluent in (at least) five other languages in middle school-high school?

OTHER LITTLE LIES N DETAILS

- he claimed that he was a 6’7, 21 year old (cis) male.

- said he was a stripper, bartender, and a sex worker (we’ll come back to that later).

- sent a picture of “his” chest, but it was 100% from google or some shit.

- (not judging anyone who does) he said that his body count was 74, but literally no one asked?

- he texted us when he “got another body” tf? we don’t care. carry on, i guess. (said he went on for like 7 rounds but... what?)

- talked about getting a vibrator stuck in his ass n his roommate had to get it out for him, but once again, nobody asked. °-°

- said he could bench 200 lbs. not impressive, just thought it was worth mentioning.

- said he had the same birthday as bakugou, which, okay.. (4/20)

- he made multiple channels in the server where he could roleplay with certain people, which, i, and a couple other people never used.

III. the voice chat.

after a while of all of us messing around, the conversation started to get heated, and some of us were teasing him, including me. we decided to get on voice chat (his idea), and he started talking into the mic. all of us were very confused, as he did not at all sound like a giant of a grown man.

but, despite this, we all warily continued, until he left the call. when he left, everyone who was participating voiced their current concerns, and laughed out our nervousness. that is, until he re-joined and everyone muted. he continued doing what he was doing until he “broke character”, stating he was a voice actor and it was hard to keep up that voice because it hurt his throat. i would’ve believed him if he didn’t sound the exact same as he did when he was “in character”.

after that, we were a lot more concerned and on edge about his identity, and i started to focus more on the shit he was telling us, hoping to find out who the fuck this person really was. i stopped interacting with him in a nsfw way, and mostly observed what he was saying, just watching from the sidelines.

II. the pictures.

captions:

not only do the skin colors just not match up, the hands in each picture are totally different people. even if you take into account the lighting differences, the undertones should still be the same. these pictures are fake.

if you look at the fingers, you can see that the ones on the right are flatter, and shorter. if the hand on the left were to hold that phone, it would wrap all the way around the device.

from a common sense standpoint, we know that our palms are always lighter than our skin tone. the fact that the hand on the left is still darker, proves that these are different people. (not that we needed proof.)

also, if this guy is so muscular, why can he only bench 200lbs? and why is his wrist so skinny?

+ to me, the phone, (right image) and the quality of the picture, looks like a black iphone 4s. from what i can see, at least. meaning, if i’m correct, that picture is majorly outdated.

for both pictures, he flipped the image so that we wouldn’t be able to find it by just by reverse image searching. luckily, one of the people involved was able to figure that out, and told me immediately.

III. ID check.

like i said before, a lot of us were starting to get really suspicious, but at this point, i thought i was the only one that was sketched out, so i issued another ID check.

(be sure to click on the pictures. one of them is really long. also, when reading, read the date and times that messages are sent. i was trying to lighten the mood and be nice, but it was honestly so offensive that he thought i was legitimately dumb.)

so, obviously, these ID’s are fake. not only are the pictures the exact same, but the backgrounds are the same, the outfits are the same, the names are totally fake, and just, wow. i don’t really know how he thought that was gonna slip past me.

after i called both him, and @/yourmajesty-theking out, he went into his own discord and started ranting to some of the other people involved that he was freaking out because he didn’t have his ID.

remember how i said that he mentioned he was a stripper/bartender/sex worker? why the fuck don’t you have your ID on you if you claimed you were at work that day? you can’t get in without it. °-° just- everything he was saying didn’t come together cleanly. the timeline is all sorts of fucked up.

you can’t drive without an ID, how are you getting to work? you can’t get into a strip club without an ID, how are you getting in? you can’t serve alcohol without and ID, how are you a bartender? you can’t get an apartment without an ID, how are you living with a roommate?

he told us that he moved to america with his PARENTS, and somehow his grandmother is in america now? when did that happen? if you’re gonna lie, at least make it believable.

IV. conclusion.

anyway, do what you want with this information. the people in the discord all agreed that based off his voice and the evidence, that he couldn’t have been older than 15, and at most, 16.

though he hasn’t deactivated his account, the last time he was active was april 7, 2021 at 12:39am (EST) he claims he lives in cali, so i don’t know what time that is there.

thanks for reading. i’m sure i missed a lot of stuff, but for now, this is all i could put together. also, lmk if there are any spelling errors. i’m too tired to check.

like i said, if i get any hate for calling out a minor, you will be blocked/reported, and i will not hesitate to turn anons off for the time being. besides, saying dumb shit doesn’t affect me. just makes me laugh.

- bum <3

[itgetsdarksometimes35]

Love in True Form II

Warnings: Non-con, dub-con, A/B/O, loss of virginity, breeding kink, lactation kink, multiple pregnancies, multiple children, birth, maybe more, 18+

Word Count: 2,720

Pairings: Dark Alpha! Steve Rogers / Omega! Reader, Dark Alpha! Bucky Barnes / Omega! Reader

Summary: Reader moves to the country side to live a slower life she’s not used to after living all her life in the city. She meets two men who can’t seem to get out of her life, and she sees them everywhere. What happens when their instincts get the better of them?

Chapter summary: Reader starts to settle in and has her first meeting with a new client. 

- indicates POV change

~ indicates a time change

A/N: WOW this is completely overdue. Hope everyone enjoys, my masterlist should be working soon. ALSO the POV will stay first person, so sorry if you’re not into that. I’m trying to interoperate different writing styles, and I have plenty of other fics in 2nd person (3rd person will be next at some point in another fic) 

xxx

When I got home, I was still a little shaken from the two guys I had encountered. Their crystal blue eyes made me feel unsettled, yet I couldn’t shake the familiarity I got from them. Had I met them before? Were they there when I was scoping out this place a few months ago? Questions racked my brain, but it was impossible. The only person I had met was my real estate agent. Nobody had been around for miles, and today was the first day I had traveled into town. 

I decided not to think about it any longer due to the countless emails from patients trying to set up virtual appointments. I opened them up and started working my way through each person, delicately reading and responding appropriately with a time that worked for us both. 

-

Steve slammed down the supplies he had bought at the store into the shed. Bucky was inside working on the fire to keep them warm for the night. Steve’s body tingled as he remembered the omega they encountered, as he remembered her faint scent, saw her beautiful body. He felt his blue jeans get a bit tighter at the thought of having her as his own. It’s what they’ve been dreaming of for years, him and Bucky. 

Steve ventured back into the house to find Bucky pacing about with his hands behind his back. When Steve shut the door, Bucky turned to him, halting his pacing. 

“We have to find her.”

“I know,” Steve sighed, moving to the kitchen to start dinner. 

“She smelled magnificent, Stevie, I never thought I’d find someone. She was an omega. A real omega. They don’t exist anymore!”

Steve nodded along. He wasn’t ignoring his friend, quite the opposite actually. He was devising a plan to get their omega. He wasn’t sure how he would, but he wanted it to be as sweet as possible for her. But he also thought of possible reasons she was alive. It didn’t make any sense. Like Bucky said, omegas didn’t exist anymore. 

In their day, there were thousands of them. Steve was a beta then so he had no chance at them, but Bucky was always an alpha. From both of their understanding, omegas had died off while they were still in ice. The omegas had bred with alphas, nothing else was possible, but their offspring seemed to be only beta. Now, nobody really knew what alphas, betas, or omegas were; they were just humans. No special category to go into. 

“Steve?” Bucky was sweating at this point, the worrying for the omega was bringing his alpha out of him. He was looking at Steve with wide, blown out eyes. Steve smiled sweetly before clapping his hand over Bucky’s shoulder. 

“Buck, I know. Her scent hasn’t left me since we saw her in town, and I’d be lying if I said this all made sense. We’ll get her, though, don’t worry. I have a plan.” Bucky nodded his head and glanced at the ground as he put his weight on another foot. 

“When?” he asked impatiently yet gloomfully, meeting his eyes again.

Steve sighed and removed his hand. “We have to ease her into it, Buck. We can’t scare her or force anything, it’ll just make everything that follows way harder than it needs to be.”

Bucky nodded at Steve’s words. He knew what he said was true, but he needed his omega. Their omega. The thought of sharing an omega would typically never be an option for him, but with Steve it was different. 

Steve knew this girl had no idea what he or Bucky was. Hell, she didn’t even know what she was! She was going to be scared and reluctant, and she’d fight them until the end. They were going to have to shape her into an omega. No doubt she wasn’t taught properly how to be one, but Steve could be patient. He had waited this long, he could wait a little longer. 

Bucky switched from foot to foot one last time before retiring to the kitchen. Steve looked at his friend and shook his head. He had a feeling his Bucky wasn’t going to be as willing to wait as him. 

-

I was jerked from my dreams with a loud snore. I looked around and saw my small home completely dark, save for the little moonlight coming through my living room curtains. I sat up from my couch and grabbed the book that I had been reading, that had fallen to the floor, before making my way into the kitchen where my laptop sat. 

I pressed a few keys to wake up the monitor, and I looked at the time--when the screen lit up--to see it was half past 1. I scrolled to my email tab and saw a new email request from someone who wanted to set up an appointment. I clicked on the email and quickly typed in a response for a time to talk that suited us both. 

This Steve Rogers seemed nice. 

~

My hands ached as I planted the last cabbage plant into the ground. So far I had a garden of carrots, cabbage, broccoli, and celery. This new vegetarian diet was something I had never tried before, nor were these foods something I was particularly fond of, but I was more than willing to give it a try. 

I dusted my hands off and ventured inside the cabin to where my only two pieces of technology lay. I checked the time on my phone before setting it back down. I still had 15 more minutes before my online meeting with Steve started, so I walked to the fridge to cool down with water and have a break. 

I looked at my bookshelf and decided I needed more books. All I could fit in my car was about 30 books, but I had already read most of them. It wouldn’t take long to get through the rest, but thankfully Molly told me she had some I could have. I smiled to myself at the thought of being met with a bunch of planting books when going to retrieve the older woman’s stash. Not that I wouldn’t use them, though, Lord knows I certainly need to get better at this whole gardening thing. My hunger kinda depended on it. 

I was brought from my thoughts when my computer started ringing from the Skype app, causing me to frown at the screen. Who could that be? No patients were scheduled right now, and nobody else would want to call me; my family and few friends seemed to be shunning me on my choice to leave. Maybe they believed if they shunned me enough I’d come back to the city. I scoffed at that. Not a chance.

I pushed myself from the counter I was leaning on and walked to the screen to look at the ID. “Steven Rogers.” I furrowed my eyebrows and looked at the clock at the bottom right hand corner of the screen. We still had 10 more minutes. Regardless, I reluctantly pressed “answer”; what else am I doing right now?

Skype connected us, but Steve’s screen was completely black. I checked my connection, but it wasn’t me. I didn’t hear anything, so I decided to wait a few more seconds for him to connect. His internet must be bad. 

“Steve?” I smiled at the dark screen, and hoped he could at least see me. Putting a face to a name and voice could really help someone who’s going through something; it can help them realize other people do care. 

“Hello?”

“Hey! Oh, erm- can you see me? Your screen is black, so I can’t see you.” It got silent for a second. 

“Oh, yeah I can see you. I don’t know why you can’t see me; I’m sorry it’s probably me. I’m not good at this technology stuff. I had a hard time turning on my mic, that’s why I was silent at first.” He gave a dry laugh.

“Don’t apologize, it’s okay. I had a hard time getting used to this when I first started, too, so don’t worry! You’ll get used to it soon.” I smiled at the dark screen, I was glad Steve could see me. “I should apologize for my appearance, though, I was working in the garden.”

“Oh, you look lovely, don’t worry.”

I blushed at his compliment and reached for the bag leaning against the table’s leg. Inside was a notebook that contained details about my patients. I didn’t like discussing much over email or text--I liked talking about it face to face, or face to black screen in this case-- so that’s why Steve’s section was mostly empty. All I knew was his name and that he lived about 10 miles from me. 

“Well, enough about me. What did you want to discuss today?”

~

Steve and I ended up talking about how he felt different from everyone else. He felt he couldn’t relate with everyone else and that he just felt alienated. I nodded the entire time he spoke, stealing glances at my notebook to take notes every few seconds. 

When he was done I asked him a few questions. Any reasons he may have as to why he felt this way, when did he start feeling like this? Was there any dramatic change in his life? He answered he used to feel normal, in his early years, but one day he just woke up and felt unable to relate to the people around him anymore. He even felt he lost family and friends. My heart broke in my chest as I jotted down more notes. That was something I could sort of relate to, I thought.

We talked about ways he could enter outside of his comfort zone, finding hobbies that others enjoyed in order to feel a bit more connected. Go to stores that, not many people shopped at, but enough to let him ease into a life that involved other people again.

I asked him if he had any social media. If he wasn’t comfortable with doing social things in person yet, there were plenty of groups to join online that incorporated fun activities and joined people together virtually. It could also be a good way to connect with lost connections and maybe make new ones. 

“Oh, no Doll, I can’t say I do. I’m not really into anything like that. I don’t even have a tv, and, as you can already see, have bad internet.” He chuckled again and I joined in a bit. 

“Oh yeah, I understand.” I had sworn off phones--except my cell that was stripped of everything except my contacts list-- and tvs, so I understood where Steve was coming from completely. “Well hey, no harm in that. Social media can be good, but in my opinion the best contact can be made face to face. No offense.” I laughed at the irony and Steve did, too. 

“Thank you, and I agree.”

I hummed in response and pulled out my calendar from my bag. I looked for a free spot next week, and saw an opening on Thursday at 3:45. 

“Alright, Steve, it’s been a pleasure speaking with you, but our time is up, sadly. I’d like to reschedule an appointment with you, if that’s okay, next week. How does Thursday at 3:45 sound?”

“Sounds perfect.”

“Great! Okay, remember what I said. I look forward to our next chat. Hopefully I can see you next time,” I added with a smile and a small giggle.

“Me too, talk to you soon, Doll.” There goes that nickname and my blush again.

“Bye!” The call ended and I made a few more notes in my notebook before closing it. My next appointment wasn’t for another hour, so I thought maybe I could go to town to get some stuff I couldn’t grow myself--or at all.  

As I went to shower and look presentable, I couldn’t stop thinking about Steve. He was a charmer, and for someone who felt disconnected was able to connect with me fast. I tried to destroy the barrier I tended to feel with patients that had been made. They sometimes saw me as a figure, but I wanted them to feel as if I were a friend they could confide in. I was there to help them, yes, but I didn’t see the need in them calling me Miss. My name would do just fine, or any other nickname they picked up along the way, but Steve chose “doll” fairly quickly. He even asked me a lot of questions. Where I lived before, where I lived now, where I went to college, things like that. We had a lot more in common than I thought we would, though, so maybe that’s why we just clicked better. Everyone moves at different speeds, and I needed to remember that.

-

Steve pushed the laptop further down the table, away from him. He had a giant smile on his face, and he couldn’t deny the hard on he was sporting from just hearing her voice. He couldn’t believe the tape and microphone trick had worked. He felt bad about lying, but he didn’t want to scare her off by seeing him. Plus, he needed to hear her voice and her breathing for a bit, just before he started speaking. 

When she introduced herself to him, it took him everything not to repeat it over and over like a love poem his mother used to read to him. He wanted to draw her in her “messy” state, her hair sticking up in wild places; some strands sticking to her forehead from sweat. He wondered if that’s what she’d look like under him.

He disappeared into his room and shut the door. Bucky went back into town after he found they had forgotten something at the store. Steve had a while before he got back, and he decided to take advantage of it. 

Steve laid down on the bed and shimmied out of his suddenly tight jeans. He gripped his member through his underwear and groaned at the feeling. He stroked his member over the fabric a few more times, teasing himself, before removing himself from his confides completely. Steve’s rock hard cock sprung out and hit his stomach, slightly bobbing. He sighed in frustration yet relief at the feeling. The tip was fiery red with precum oozing out from the slit. He spit into his hand before grabbing the base firmly. 

Steve stroked himself, slowly at first, up and down. He moaned and panted as his hand got him off, his mind on the woman and her sweet voice the entire time. How her boobs would look when they were released from the tight black shirt she had worn in the meeting. How she’d look begging for her alpha’s fat cock to plunge into your tiny cunt, milking him and bringing on his knot. How’d it feel to claim her and ceal you both in a bond. How she’d look carrying his pups, her tits leaking for milk he’d happily drink up. Steve took a break from working himself to tease his tip with his thumb, shuddering a bit before he pumped himself faster as his moans got louder and more desperate as his need to cum became greater and greater. He was whining the omega’s name like a chant as his other hand reached down to start playing with his balls. His hips were rising, fucking his fist harder and harder. He moaned a few more times before he felt the sweet swell of his cock as his knot grew. Spurts of cum flew from his pulsing member as he worked himself through his orgasm. He continued to roar and growl her name as he came down. 

When Steve was satisfied, he just stared at the ceiling, a smile still playing at his lips. He couldn’t remember the last time he had cum that hard. Hell, he couldn’t even remember the last time he was that hard! As he waited for his knot to subside, he started cleaning up his mess and headed into the shower. Bucky would be home any minute now, and he had to tell him everything that he had learned about you. 

xxx

[shinobirain24]

Iceberg Week 2021: Day 2 (July7)- Romeo and Juliet AU Pt. 1

Note: This fanfic is actually going to be a modern version of Romeo and Juliet. Where Weiss is the mafia's daughter and Neptune is the son of a police captain. I know it wasn't the best, but I would like to release it to share with you fellow viewers. Sorry for the late submission. I thought I should cut it into two parts

By wolfstyle2074

"Two Households, both alike and in dignity. When the differences have settled in cold blood. Love cannot be killed. The story of two young lovers seek out a way to escape with their lives when first sight came to light. Between law and crime, it was always conflict, questions of the choices we make in the war of blood..."

"Uh, Ren. Can we repeated that please? The background is getting sizzled?" Nora, a ginger-haired girl holding the camera, then interrupted as Ren, a raven-haired boy is speaking with a microphone in his hands. He is a reporter for a boarding school writing a story about two runaways fighting for their lives. "Um, Nora, are you okay?"

He asked. Seeing Nora wiping the tears off his eyes. Hearing the story kinda got her emotional. "Yeah, I just wished they'd be here to appreciate how you write this story."

"Don't worry, Nora. Neither of them will be forgotten. I am sure they will appreciate what you did to remember them." Ren said. Walking towards Nora and patted her on the head to cheer her up. "Wanna get some ice cream on the way out? I am sure it will make you feels better." Ren asked. Nora then rose her head up from the camera and smiled and nodded to the suggestion. "Yeah, I am sure it's fine. This is our last year in the Academy, sooner or later we will graduate." Nora said.

"You have read my mind, Nora." Ren said walking out together with Nora out of the school building. "Two years, and it was the story that made headlines that involves forbidden love between law and crime."

"Something tells me you will make a great novelist." Nora encouraged. The school bell rings. The one bell that rings from one transition to another, the sound that will haunt the students forever.

-2 years ago-

Captain Saturn Vasilias of the New York Police Force was in his cab to his destination for the assignment he was in. "10-2, we got a cartel in the dust facility, Ever Dust Inc., five males, two females on the road." One line have said from the radio. Saturn then picks up and speaks through the mic. "10-2 unit 6, close all the roads and don't let them escape." Saturn responded.

After driving at full speed, knowing he might have much time to prevent the crime of robbery in the dust facility and caught up with two cargo tricks in front of the entrance. The bombing was non-stop. The Schnee Family were a known crime family that illegally sells dust for weapons, their empire grew large since then. Saturn has been researching about them for years, but none of the family members has been caught. However, one of them, a young woman has been reporting about them and giving them tips since then, our of fear for the safety of her younger younger siblings, and would suffer the same fate. The woman then became an undercover informant.

Saturn then got off his cab, and takes out a megaphone as he spoke to an old man, who is in his 50s or 60s, wearing a casual suit, which is the sign of him being a ringleader of the cartel. "Jacques Schnee, you are under arrest for the robbery and numerous murders!" Saturn announced.

"Your father before you was a fool to think you could win this round!" Jacques retorts after ordering his men to raise their guns and pointed at him. "You never learn, haven't you, cold-blooded man?!"

Saturn's son, Jupiter has been behind his father this whole time and also pointed his sniper gun at him, mostly the main boss are the main targets. "Jupiter, you cannot draw weapons at him, you'll be charged with firearms! And you don't have a permit for that!" Saturn scolded him. "Relax, dad. Mom taught me a lot. Plus, this is the first time we have a father-son day in your fight." Jupiter remarks. But Saturn wasn't pleased. "Get ready, old man! Either you and your buddies come quietly and peacefully, or you'll regret it!" Jupiter warned.

"Peace? Peace is the very word I hate, as I hate all Vasilias'! Come at me then! Winter!" Jacques stated as he gave a hand signal to his men for gunfire. And called out his daughter, Winter to lead the gunfire. She came out and gave a signal to fire. Saturn and Jupiter hid behind the left side of the cab as the bullets created holes from a right side of the door. Jupiter then came out of hiding and shot back.

Jacques hid in his cargo for his own safety. And Saturn shots back at his arch-enemy. "Blasted Schnees, they don't know when to quit." Jupiter scoffed. Kept firing one after the other. Later, after a scuffle, Jacques got away in his own cargo. But the rest of his men have been caught, and some of the stolen dust has been recovered, but the rest were stolen.

Lydia, Saturn's wife, and Jupiter's mother, and a lawyer, cleaned some of the wounds they received from gunshots. Luckily they survived. But knowing her, she feared for her family's wellbeing and would scold them for getting too reckless. "Honestly, Saturn. You have enough damages for one day! And you, Jupiter, try not to get in the way for your father's patrol the next time."

"Sorry, Mom." Said Jupiter, crossing his arms.

"Sorry, honey. I'll make it up to you by making dinner tonight." He winces a little as Lydia puts rubbing alcohol on his bleeding shoulder. "Ah!" He hissed. "I am just glad Neptune wasn't here to witness this, it would've been traumatizing for him. Knowing how sensitive he was."

"I hope so too. Good thing our dear boy is at home minding his business." Lydia breathes in relief to know that her son is safe at home, or so she thought.

Later that afternoon, Neptune is in his bedroom doing his homework. Having headphones covering his ears with the music in his head. Then a knock on his window. It was a blonde-haired young man his age. Neptune then hears the knock and walks over to the window for a greeting. And opens the window. "Dude!" Neptune greets, and Sun jumps into the bedroom and gave him a handshake. "It's been a while."

"How've you been?" Asked Neptune. Sun then break away and gave him some stolen IDs with photos of him and Neptune. With different names that were related to crime empires. For Neptune, it's Kaman Aquors, and for Sun, it's Solar Reign. "What's with the fake IDs?" Asked Neptune. Sun smirked proudly as he thought of a great idea, or in Neptune's case, a bad idea. "Duh, I heard the Schnees are having a secret meeting for an auction. Where the stinking rich gathered around to buy stolen dust."

"Dude, no. I said it once, and I will say it again. No way. I cannot sneak out there and go to this auction. Dad will worry, and Mom, she'll be grounding me for a year if I ever go. I don't like how things were going as much as you do, but this is a bad idea." Neptune objects.

"Come on, Dude think of it as an undercover assignment. Think about it, once we have evidence to where Jacques Schnee is hiding, it will be the end of his empire. And plus, your dad will be so psyched, he will wanna make you part of his squad." Neptune then thought about it, his father has been stressing out for years fighting against the Schnees for their dangerous methods of running the business.

It worried him one bit as he saw his father feeling fatigued, coming home with wounds. Neptune then proceeds to think about the idea. Although it might get them into trouble, but it would give them the advantage for him to finally convince Saturn to rest up a bit. Neptune has no other choice but to accept the invitation. "Alright, if we're going to do this, we need a disguise. Knowing the Schnees, they would probably be after my family for being law enforcement."

"Alright! I knew you come around!" They high-fived. Later, Lydia came into her son's bedroom with dinner on the tray. "Sweetie, sorry your father and I are-Ah!" Lydia dropped her tray and it scattered into bits of vegetables and sushi. And saw that her son is gone and the window opened. "Oh my god! Saturn, he ran out again!" This is not the first time her sons have snuck out the bedroom window.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Weiss, the heiress to the Schnee has arrived to her room to get ready to meet her mother. Since she came back from a business trip. "More tea, Miss Schnee?" Asked her butler, Klein who have been close to her since she was young. The only family member she had been interacting with is with her elder sister. "Your sister had returned from her business trip."

"Thank you Klein. You know, it's funny. Living in a private island with no one but your family. This is absolutely isolation for the matter. Father had some shady dealings. Mother appoints lawyers in cases of my father on trial. While my brother wasn't around, just with my father. "Well, it's natural to be alone sometimes, my dear. But at the same time, it wasn't okay. Hopefully your mother will get the time off and you can have a bond with her."

"Good idea. But in the meantime, I have to think about what to do for the rest of the day." Then Weiss hears footsteps. It was her elder sister, Winter. The main heir to the Schnee Mafia. Although neither of the sisters agree to this. They acted like they were used to this. Winter came back in a sweet after finishing tipping off the police. Without their father knowing it. "One more thing there and done." Winter sighs in relief.

Weiss is happy to see her sister appear in her room. "Winter!" Said Weiss. As she ran and embrace her sister once more. "How are you today my sister?" Winter said. Weiss broke away. "Not so bad." Weiss replied. "Welcome home, Miss Schnee. How are your shifts with your father?" Klein curtsied. But Winter said, "Klein, there's no need for you to address me. But it's good to see you too." Winter assured. Winter hates the life she is living right now and wants her father out of the picture to provide the freedom for her siblings.

"Did you know that Mother will be arriving soon?" Asked Weiss. But Winter was adamant and never wants to speak about their mother. But reluctantly, she had to keep her sister at Bay to not be down on suspicion. "Yes, I have heard. But for who knows how long." Winter responded. But their mother appeared before her. "I am right here you know." Sighed their mother.

"An evening with you, Mother." Sighed their mother, Willow. Willow walks over to Weiss, who she has been expecting to appear before her. With Winter ignored a bit. But to her relief. "To what will do I owe you, Mother?" Asked Weiss.

"I age forgotten that you are reaching adulthood at this time, darling." Said Willow. "Still, you look very lovely."

"Ah, yes. Weiss has been growing up with her studies and was ready to apply for a university at this age. But at the same time, she-"

"I know this is too much to ask, Weiss. But have you ever thought of marriage?" Weiss was a bit stunned for a moment. Never she thought her parents would ask of this. But was aware her mother had been arranged to marry her father at Weiss' age. "Not exactly, Mother. I haven't thought of that. Anything you want to add?"

"Oh, for goodness sake, Mother. Marriage? I thought we were over this. Weiss is young and you can't just arrange someone to marry her. That's objectifying her." Winter argued in her sister's defense. Knowing that it was a ludicrous solution.

"Your father has been running out of men for the run-ins at some point. Therefore we need to combine our empires. And your father has already picked out the best suitor for your sister." Willow argued back. And Winter can tell in the eyes of her mother that she is just too much into pleasing her husband. "The auctions start tomorrow and the selection, Henry Marigold will be there to seek her out. His father will be the solution to our problems." Said Willow.

"Um, Mother. I don't know about this. Maybe Winter is right. Never met him. And he probably won't like me anyway." Weiss took Winter's side, unsure if she should take the opportunity of pleasing, or the opportunity of arrangement. But then again, she has not seen either of her parents, or her younger brother. "I have not yet met this person. But since this might be the option to get out the manor, even for a moment. This might be her chance. "If it means it will help our family, then I will see to it. Give me time to get to know this person." Weiss said. And Willow clasped her hands in joy. "Splendid, starting tomorrow, we will get you ready." Willow gestures Klein to follow, leaving Weiss and Winter alone in the same room. Winter shook her head in disapproval.

"Weiss are you sure about this. Think about it. You can't have this. What about your dreams of university? You can't throw that away. What if this person was a tyrant?" Winter asked, unsure how is her sister going to deal with this. Normally Winter would defend her to keep her out of harm's way. Informing police in secret in hopes she would put her father in jail. But the thought of her sister in exploitation is the horror she wished she wouldn't have to hear. If two empires merged by union would mean bigger chaos with crime all over. And it would lead to square one. Another thing she has to report.

"I don't know, but no matter what, I'll have to keep and eye on things, just to be safe." Said Winter, this could be a chance to expose some darker secrets.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Neptune and Sun have entered the auction without fail. Using the fake IDs with the names of the previous rich men Sun had stolen from before he arrived in New York. Wearing tuxes and mask to keep themselves covered. To not blow their cover.

The private island of Schnee was no problem to find. Since Neptune had been hacking in computers all his life, he has no issue to find the transmission networks of the island. Most of the time the wealth has been building private islands for isolated reasons, and they have the most secured equipment. "Must've taken a lot of money to build this place." Said Sun.

Neptune looks around while seeing people in dresses and tuxes, masks and jewelry. Chandeliers hanging from the ceilings. Portraits of Jacques in a series of timelines. What a show-off. Only a few portraits of him and his family. Tables with such beautiful silver cloths. "Tell me about it, sooner we take the photos, the sooner we get out of here. Here, every day the auctions were illegally run by the Schnee Mafia. Empires gathered to buy the most expensive loads of dust and weaponry." Neptune replied.

"I'll see if they got any contracts that are related to this. We need a list of surnames just to be sure." Said Sun. Neptune nods, "Good idea, I'll talk to some guests, see what they know. I'll also record anything on the way." Suggested Neptune. Sun then pats him on the shoulder for some luck for him. And left his side to go upstairs. Neptune came to look around for some whispering crowds. But someone who came across him when his eyes got caught, distracting him.

A young, white-haired woman his age wearing a dark blue dress, and silver necklace. A mask matching her dress with teal gems attached. The woman looked at him and gave him a smile. Neptune cannot make out for what he was feeling, as if a fever began to make his heart pound in his chest. But then the gaze was interrupted when a dark blue-haired young man, whose hair was combed to the side approached her before him. "Are you Weiss, how do you do?" Asked the man.

"Henry Marigold, I presumed?" Weiss asked. Henry then smiled and lend her his hand. "Indeed I am, I hope you can do me the offer in this dance."

"Of course." Sighed Weiss. Neptune is left disappointed at he was beaten to it. But decides to wait for the right moment to see what Weiss knows about the empire. While Weiss wants this to end, growing exhausted that Henry talks about himself and never asked Weiss of what she likes, or what hobbies. Finally, she has enough, and Weiss excused herself for some fresh air. Neptune takes this chance to approach her. "Evening Miss. How is tonight?" Asked Neptune.

Weiss rolled her eyes and thought she was about to get a round of boredom. Things did not go as planned. "Terrible, I thought tonight would go so well, but I felt like nothing, as if everything died down a bit." Weiss replied. Then Neptune offers her his hand. Weiss looks a bit surprised. "I hope you don't mind if I offer you this dance. If that's okay with you?" Neptune asked. He was a terrible dancer, if he can mimic the moves by watching the crowd of dancers, then he could pull this off. Weiss is a bit shocked, but felt flattered that a man asked if she would like to dance. His eyes captivated her in his gaze. The charming smile he drew on his face.

"Actually, I would love that." Weiss replies and takes his hand, and was pulled into the dancefloor. Trying his best to watch his steps while seeing how the others dance their hearts out. Weiss then gazed into his eyes. Meanwhile, a security guard whispered into Weiss' younger brother, Whitley's ear, and was shocked to see who was on the dancefloor with his older sister. "There's a dog scorching on the House of Schnee? No, absolutely not. By the length and honor of my kin, I shall take this by my own hand." Whitley was about to make a scene to expose Neptune, until he was stopped by his father. "Ah, son! It's a pleasure to see you're enjoying this party!"

"Father, don't you see who that was? That commoner is nothing more than that son of the cop who's been chasing you for years." Whispered Whitley. But Jacques refrains him from taking action. "Look as long as we don't create a scene. If we have blood drenched on our hands, we would be hunted down by his father. So just do me a favor and keep it down. I'll sent someone to take care of him by the morning." Said Jacques, then Whitley unwillingly complied and left without a word, defeated. But not before giving Neptune (who did not notice and whispers into Weiss' ear, as she giggles) a dirty look and then turned his head and went to his bedroom.

Then Weiss is escorted into the courtyard by Neptune to have a moment alone with him. "So, you don't see much of what went all in those kind of parties?" Asked Neptune as he sat near the fountain near Weiss. "Most of the time, I would stay in my mansion, the only times I went outside the island is when I have classes to attend. I always dreamed of going to university. But with my parents having different plans for me, I am not sure if that's happening any time soon."

"Really? I always wanted to study at a university too. When I was a kid, I always wanted to study in NYU." Neptune blushed as he looked at her once more. The more they chat, the more enchanting the night has become. Neptune seemed to forget for why he was here. Something about the girl he was staring at seemed familiar to him, but this is the first time they have met. "The last thing I wanted was a life of success and a bit of freedom, even if that freedom cannot last. I never saw my parents often, nor my brother when they're busy on the line of work. Surely I knew those kind of things were illegal. But how am I supposed to argue with that? Of course, I wasn't allow off this island to know more." Weiss sighs.

"I'm sorry, I guess it wasn't fair that you've been living here all your life. But hey, look on the bright side. How was this night now?" Asked Neptune. Weiss then blushed and giggled. "I guess it's okay, for now. Maybe tonight wasn't so bad when you came along. Something tells me you weren't from around here." Weiss questioned. Not sure if it's another one of those suitors her father had sent, but she didn't mind since he seemed to approach her sincerely.

"Oh, yeah. I was sent here. Just for inspection. It was getting boring to me, but meeting you, it got less boring." Neptune replied. Soon, neither of them realized they are getting closer and drew their faces nearer, and their lips touched to one another. Weiss caressed his cheek as they have kissed for a few minutes. It was like fireworks exploded in their hearts. But it was interrupted when Winter showed up in front of him. "Sister, what was the meaning of this?!" Confronted Winter.

Weiss and Neptune broke away. Weiss tried to find a way to make excuses. Although Winter does not mind letting her sister having a great time. But at the same time, she knew she have to pull her away to not let her face her father's wrath. "Come, Father is expecting you." Winter grabs her hand and pulls her away. Neptune follows and saw that Winter has escorted Weiss to her father, his father's arch-enemy, Jacques Schnee. Winter then whispers something to her ear. "I must warn you, his name is Neptune, and he is a Vasilias." Weiss is in shock and looks at Neptune with despair. Feeling she was tricked by a boy who enchanted her in this party. At least Winter did not tell her father about the kiss. Neptune was about to leave, but not before seeing Weiss smiling at him, a sign that they will meet again. Neptune still couldn't believe she was a Schnee, but he was happy to have met her. Sun then approaches him. "Hey man, where have you been?"

"Um..." Before Neptune can say anything, Sun smirked at the side of him he has been seeing. He could tell Neptune has been lovestruck. "Oh, I see what was going on here." He sang. "You've been infatuated." Neptune jolts at the state of blushing. Then waved his hand in defense. "No no no! That can't be true! I was just lost that's all."

"Really, I won't tell your dad. Just tell me about that girl you've been swooning with." Sun asked. Neptune wasn't sure how to describe to him. He would be a bit shocked to find out it was a Schnee he was dancing with. "How am I going to put with this. Okay, just keep calm when I say this. But the girl I was dancing with, she was a Schnee." Sun's eyes have bungled at a state of shock. Then shook his head and tries to set the record straight. "Dude, she is way out of your league, did you forget that her dad is a criminal, deadly mastermind?" Sun reminds him, but Neptune huffed in response. But manages to change the subject. "Dude, let's just get back to that later, right now we have to get out of here. Trying to get answers from her and she never knew much. But you can tell she has been living on this island too much. And her dad would've probably sent the guards by morning.

"Fine, you and I need a serious talk when we head back to New York." Sun sighs. One night, they were hiding somewhere in the jungle where the manor took place. Even if the trees are fake. Neptune then snuck into the gardens of the Schnee Manor to see Weiss standing on the balcony of her room. "The glimpse of her in front of the moon can't be more beautiful than the moon at sight. Her eyes matches the icy waters. And Weiss is the moon in the sight of my eyes."

"Oh Neptune, Neptune..." Weiss said as she thought of that name after the party after it grew quiet as the guests left. "She speaks." He said quietly. "Wherefore art thou my Neptune? Deny my father and refuse my name. For what is a name if thou wilt be? But be sworn my love and I won't be a Schnee."

"I defy my name too!" Neptune shouted as Weiss jolted in shock to see him below the balcony. "Goodness!" Weiss gasped in shock. She never expected him to meet her again. But worries what her father will do. "Neptune, what are you doing here? If Father finds out you're still here, he will kill you." Weiss whispered in a harsh tone. But Neptune uses a pillar to climb onto the balcony to speak with her.

"I know, but as a son of a cop. Unlike your father, my dad is more of an overprotective type. I knew you are form this family. But it doesn't matter, I just want to get to know you more. Therefore I also defy my name and would be preferred to be called by my first name." Neptune explains.

"For years both the Schnee and the Vasilias have been at war with one another and they were still at war now. It came to the point where I knew I cannot see you. But I want to know you as well. My father has been committing crimes I wished I should've stopped. There was nothing I can do. It was a never-ending bloodshed." Weiss adds, turning away for a bit. As Neptune listens.

"Last thing I wanted was this war to end. Although you are a Schnee, I don't see you as one, just a woman with culture and personality." He then lift her chin, gently as he follows. "So, maybe we can meet in New York, I know I can't stay here and get caught. I can take you anywhere you want. Just say the word and I'll do it."

"I would love that. But knowing my father, I will always get surrounded by security. Or in some cases, my sister, since she was older than me."

"Maybe I can come up with the sneakiest plan for us to escape security and we can hang out a bit more. Without both our parents' knowing." Neptune suggested.

Weiss has been thinking about it, she cannot stand being in the crowd of security. She knew her parents would forbid her from seeing him because he has Vasilias blood in his veins. But there was a side of him no one has ever seen. "Perhaps I will think about it. see if we can meet. I will give word to my sister. After all, maybe she can help with that." Said Weiss. Knowing her sister will be staying for a few weeks. Neptune then smiled as a response as they leaned in closer and kissed again. "Weiss! Where are you?!" Winter called. Once again, they break away from each other and Weiss knew she has to get back inside. "Coming, Winter!" Weiss called back. Then push Neptune away to get him to hide. "Quick, hide! Before security comes!" Weiss urges him until he fell off the balcony and landed on the bushes in the garden. "I'm okay!" Said Neptune.

The next day, Neptune returned home, only to find his parents waiting for him in the living room of his house. "Where have you've been, Neptune?! Do you have any idea how worried sick your mother has been?!" Scolded Saturn, he was not one to be harsh on his children, but never took his youngest for being a rebellious type. "Oh, hey dad. Sorry I am late, I was just out for a walk..." He said, nervously. But Saturn was a bit suspicious. "The thing is, I got bored and I couldn't help but feel a bit dizzy in my own home and thought I could get some fresh air. I didn't realized it was late and my phone has died." Neptune lied.

Saturn then approaches his son. And then places his hand on hos father's shoulder and sighs. "I am sorry, son. It wasn't fair for you to be kept in the house all day. We are worried for you, that's all." Saturn apologized.

"Are you sure you're not lying, bro?" Asked Jupiter, suspicious about his brother's whereabouts before he came back. He saw red in his face. It was a sign he was lying at some point. The last time Jupiter snuck out, his little brother was too honest enough to snitch on his brother.

"Just don't do it again. Next time just tell us, okay sweetie?" Asked Lydia. They were just going to let this slide and let this go, being the caring parents they are. Lydia then walks over to her husband and son and embraced them. Jupiter decides to let this go this time. But thought that the next time Neptune snuck out, he would have to follow him to see what he was doing.

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On the weekdays, Weiss and Neptune would have to escape security with the excuses of school activities after school. Only to sneak out of the school building and go on dates. First, Neptune has been taking her out to the movies on her request. Seeing a romantic movie about Titanic. How an upper-class woman has been forced into an arranged marriage, only to fall in love with a lower-class man who saw her as a person.

"Even with those differences, they found each other." Weiss teared up as she saw the ending as the love of the main protagonist's life has died from hyperthermia. Neptune wrapped his arms around her to comfort her. Weiss felt better after the ending. Unbeknownst to them, a curious ginger-haired girl takes a picture without a flash of light. They heard a click, but saw nothing as the young photographer hid from them.

Another day past and they were at a mall. But wrong move, Jacques' security team arrived to search for Weiss, but they hid in another shopping center, where they bribed the manager to help them escape. After they exit the building using an emergency exit, Neptune and Weiss laughed a bit. Thinking how awkward this say went.

The next day, they were at a park while avoiding some eyes that might see them. Suddenly, some classmates they never recognized in their school approached them and asked them to take a photo for the school yearbook. "Can we take a photo of you guys?" Asked a raven-haired boy. They gladly accepted and Weiss and Neptune posed together. Not thinking twice before, cause they were having too much of a great time. Then Neptune spotted his brother looking for him. He then yanks Weiss with him and ran off before Jupiter could see them.

The next date, Neptune has to sneak out of his house. But not before his older brother notice and decides to follow him. Neptune has taken Weiss to a cafe, where she can try some latte, something her father would not allow her too. "I don't know, I wasn't allow to have some caffeine." Weiss said with hesitance. But Neptune insisted to make her feel good about being outside of the island and some relief from isolation. "Come on, one taste cannot hurt."

Weiss took one sip of the straw and felt the flavors on her tongue. And felt the cool but tasty features of the latte. "Oh, that was blistering, but sweet. What else can you show me? I cannot believe we hadn't been caught yet." Weiss giggled.

"I cannot believe it either." That is, until a voice interrupted them. "A-ha! I knew you were lying this whole time, Neptune." They then turned to see Jupiter standing before them. He is not happy to see him with Weiss, knowing she was a Schnee and he hates the family that committed the crimes against his. And seeing him with the daughter of the Schnee family made him furious. "Neptune, who is this? He looks like my sister's age." Asked Weiss as Neptune stood in front of Weiss to prevent Jupiter form doing anything to her. As he approaches his brother. "What were you thinking, she is a Schnee for crying out loud! Her family are criminals and they hunted down our family for years!" Jupiter shouted as they crowd from different tables are watching. "Jupiter, I can explain!" Neptune defended. But Jupiter grabs his wrist, tightly. "Home, now." Jupiter hissed.

"Gee, do you have to be this scary?" Neptune flinched. Then Jupiter turned to Weiss in pure anger. "And you, tell your sister to meet me in Times Square. And stay away from my brother, or else..." Weiss looked at him in shock as his face grew a bit frightening. Neptune then looked at her with sadness. "I'm sorry, Weiss." Neptune apologized, before being dragged away from her and then back home. At least Jupiter is not going to tell their parents about the relationship. But decided to keep Neptune watched 24/7. To not let the daughter of the criminals see him again, fearing she will use him for their father's information.

After two weeks, Neptune received a text from Weiss. Telling him they need to talk and to meet him at Central Park. Neptune manages to block the cameras hidden beneath the walls meant to keep an eye on him. Jupiter has no idea what hit him. Then jumps out of the window again. Ran in to Weiss at the Central Park.

"Hey, Snow Angel. What's up?" Before Neptune can ask a bit more. Weiss started to tear up. "I'm sorry, I cannot see you anymore, Neptune." Weiss wipes her tears from her eyes. "It was a mistake, I never should've met you." Neptune is appalled to hear that she won't be seeing him anymore as he thought he did something wrong to make things worse. "What do you mean, did I do something wrong. Please, Weiss. I want to know what I did wrong." Neptune pleaded, wanting to comfort her and console her. As he gets closer to her, she pushes him away.

"The truth is, I am getting married." Neptune thought his ears were playing tricks when Weiss mentions she was getting married. "My father planned this from the start, he knew you were at the party that night. And the fact that you were the son of a cop, he was furious. He told me he knew about our dates. And if I don't go with the plan of marrying the son of another mafia, he would kill your father and you." Weiss explains. Neptune is shocked. He never knew her father would gone too far.

"Weiss." Neptune then wrapped her arms around her. But Weiss wants to protest this. But her feelings of warmth from him are too strong and she allows herself to, as if it were the last time before she meets her fate. "I'm sorry, I am sure that we cannot see each other again. But it was for the best if you're alive and your family as well. I think this is goodbye, Neptune." Weiss then turns away and walks away to depart from him.

But Neptune did not just stand there and watch, instead he stopped her and she turned back to look at him. "Neptune, I told you. We're different. I am the criminal's daughter, and your the son of the police captain. We're just not meant to be. I enjoyed these times together."

Neptune did not take these words to heart as he then decides to defy the opposites. He then brings out a small box wrapped in a ribbon. "Weiss, I don't care about any of that. Like I said, I defy my name and renounce the name of Vasilias. Just like you said, you also defied the name of Schnee. Therefore for me, you're just Weiss. And I won't define you by name. And I won't be preferred by the name Vasilias. I am Neptune, and only Neptune."

"Neptune. Somehow you managed to convince me. And for some reason, I have no regrets meeting you. The stars, the ocean, and the night sky, it will always remind me of the night we met. I also dreamed not only for university, but to also see you there. Where we can be free of our differences."

Weiss then looks up in the night sky and Neptune turned to the gift box. It was the perfect place for the right moment. Even if it is too early. His family will not like this, and her family will not like this either. But now would be a matter of time to ask her something. In hopes to free her from the Mafia life under her father's rule. "Weiss, I know we have met for a couple of days and months, but I was hoping I will ask you this."

Weiss then turned to Neptune who had knelt down and he opened the box to reveal a golden ring. Not expensive, but it was enough for Weiss to know the love he has for her. The real love she has wanted for a long time. "Neptune, you know we can't."

"I know, but I want to be the one to make you happy. If you let me, I'll try my best to give what I can give you. I will free you from this, and when we run, and cut ties with our families completely, this way, you can settle. Weiss Schnee, will you marry me, and join me in the flow of time?" Neptune's eye sparkled. Weiss can never be happier than before, as she wrapped her arms around him as he slips the ring in her finger. The least they have to do is survive their family feuds.

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The next afternoon, Winter and Jupiter are in a middle of a gun showdown as they came into a Mexican stand-off. "This time we will settle this once and for all, Schnee." Jupiter then cocks his rifle as he was the master marksman. But Winter has ready her gun after filling her bullets with her pistol. "You should appreciate when I became an informant for your father. I just want this war to end as much as you do."

"But not with you. These past few years were a streak of humiliation. Your father will not get away any longer without his secret weapon, mainly you. How does my father tolerate you this easily?" Jupiter snared. Glaring at her with such hatred. "Stop!" Then Neptune came in between them. "What are you doing, little bro?! Get out of the way!"

Neptune then turned to Jupiter. "No, bro! Let me handle this!" Then he turned to Winter. "I'm sorry my brother has been causing trouble for you! But for min and Weiss' sake, stand down!" Pleaded Neptune. Jupiter refuses to go down without a fight. And starts firing the gun, then Winter got behind the rails and shots back while Neptune and Jupiter also hid. "Sorry, Neptune, but this war has to come to an end."

Winter did not waste time to fire back. Jupiter then emerges and shots back. Neptune then fights back by tugging onto Jupiter's gun. "Let go of the gun, Neptune!" Jupiter yelled. "I'm doing this for the good of the family!"

"Good by foot!" Neptune retorted. Winter then lowers her weapon as she was about to say something. "Don't you realized this war has gone too far?! You and Winter have the power to stop this! If not for Dad, do it for me!" Pleaded Neptune as they kept fighting over the gun. Finally, Jupiter knocks out Neptune. Both are once again in position.

[mariemarvelbear]

Hope-Lego Castle

Avengers x Reader

Warning: Angst.So much Heavy Angst.Slow burn angst.Abuse.Mention of rape.Brainwashed.ANGST.Blood.Torture. Swearing.Kidnap.Hostage.18+

Part 28: Lego Castle

You had regained consciousness during the flight but refused to speak to the people who claimed to be your family.  With the restraints still in place there was nothing you could do; you had tried to pull away from them when a pair of hands tried to touch you-Wanda’s. But you flinched, the redhead instantly retreating. Clint talking to her not to continue any of her plans, that she can do it once you’re all back home. Not now, with your state both mental and physical, no one knew what you were capable of doing. You only said one thing, which earned a glance from the team after finally hearing your voice-not rigged nor hoarse as a while back, your little squeak resurfacing, but still laced with your strong accent, one mimicking Korvac’s. “Where’s Sequioa?”

“Muma!I’m here!We’re flying, mama?Mama,okay?Mama, new friends?” His grasp loosened from Scott’s shirt, desperately wanting to be close to you as possible. His little hands trying to find yours as you lay flat on the gurney-grunting as he tipped his toes towards you. “Want mama.”

“My love.” You cooed, your eyes swelling once again as you observed his face. Your head throbbing in pain as glimpses of your labor with the child came back-wincing in pain, Tony and Steve was quick to react to assess your condition. “Are you alright?” Steve cautiously asked, but you didn’t answer and even placed a stoic reaction as you stared at the people staring back at you. It weirded you out, it confused you to your core as to why you were so calm around them,That you’re not even in panic when Sequioa leaped towards Scott’s embrace-even as his mother. Deep in your heart you knew, they wouldn’t do anything that would hurt you nor your child-and that, somehow, made you at ease.

“We’re not evil, Eve.” Wanda shot back, her eyes knowing as your emerald ones widen. She can read your mind? “You can too.”

“I’m not a witch. Not like you.” You bluntly said, offended towards her comment as you mask your disgust and confusion. “I am not Eve. I am Carina, Queen of Chandillar. Wife of The Great King Mic-Michael?!Where is he?!” You cried, eyes searching for the man you know you love and trust. “I demand you to free me from these entrapments! Show me my husband!” Shrieking, Tony and Steve couldn’t move an inch. It’s not your first time to throw a fit like this, but this is different. You’re like you’re a child who wanted something and is ruled by their Id; and they didn’t know how to handle you, mostly now where you don’t even know the truth .

 Your eyes fluttered open once again, rays of sunshine blinding you as you try to shield your eyes but was stopped by the restraints still strapped onto you- but there were less, yet new lines of tubing’s that was evidently filled with a few sorts of liquid was coursing its way through your veins, a beeping machine beside you which was the only noise that anyone can hear in your room. You were in a white gown and in a white room, the only light visible was from the natural sunlight that came from your window, above the ceiling.

“Good Morning, Eve.” Your train of thought was once interrupted when a young Asian woman entered the room, her attire was similar to yours-but had a different texture and cut. “How are you feeling?” You remained silent, still studying her quiet features-your mind, once again throbbing as you had a few glimpses of the past. “You alright? Your heart rate’s increasing.” She mumbled, quickly assessing your IV- “Is there pain?” You slightly nodded, pointing onto your temporal side of the head, earning a genuine smile from the Doctor. “I’m Doctor Cho. Do you remember me?” Frowning, you gestured a ‘no’ “Should I?” She was quick to compose herself- after hearing your soft voice for years of trying to accept that you’re gone, she smiled. “You’ll get there in time. Is there anything else you’re feeling?”

“Baby?Baby okay?” You asked, your hand quickly embracing your growing womb. Doctor Cho instantly frowned, her gaze not meeting yours anymore as you felt a big change in the atmosphere. “Are you mad?”

“Oh, don’t take it the wrong way.” The doctor reiterated, not wanting you to ask anymore onto why she suddenly felt angry. “Yes, your daughter is okay. You’re currently 34 weeks pregnant, you’re near your due date, so we have to be extra careful.” You slightly nodded, taking your eyes off the doctor, as your mind wandered again. “Do you…remember anything?” She mumbled, earning your attention.

 “Everyone keeps asking me that.” Your lips quivered “And I keep on saying, No. I don’t. I don’t know any of you. I don’t know why you took me away from my home,I don’t even know where my husband is-not even my child. I don’t remember any Avengers, any Avenging or whatever in this world you call that.” You were now full on crying, but unlike before-you’re calm. You wanted them to hear you, how hard it is to be asked from time to time a question you never knew you needed to hear. “ So that’s it. I don’t know you, or Natasha, nor Bucky or that spider guy- I don’t know Tony, nor that blonde guy-that keeps on pushing himself to me, as if-as if I know him?!.” You spat, your eyes widening as it landed onto an ocean of blue ones “I don’t know any of you.So please, Just bring me back home.”

 “Where is Lady Eve?” A loud grunt echoed throughout the vicinity, quickly waking up Steve and Clint who trashed themselves in the lounge area, Bucky and Sam in tow of Natasha who just entered the room. “What’s going on?Is everything alright Thor?”

“I want to see her.” Dropping Stormbreaker, the door creaked open-revealing a Tony with sunken dark under eyes- a coffee in hand. “Not good of a plan.She still hates us.” The billionaire started with as he sauntered his way to the kitchen, reheating his drink. “Anyone want some?”

“I’ll have.” Steve mumbled, hands smothering his face as he tried wiping the restlessness from it. “He’s right.Eve won’t accept any visitors.” Holding out his hand as he grabbed the warm mug from Tony’s reach, Steve drank the liquid that mortals like, some even love it to the extent of having at least a cup every day before their day-Saying that it makes you awake, energized even. Steve’s mind once again wandered to you. You’ve always had a liking with caffeine. But loathed black coffee, dark ones-No sugar nor Splenda. Just like Tony and Natasha liked it. Steve’s brows furrowed, trying to remember the drink you always have in your hand- one you’ll always ask Maria to pick you some-even forcing Nick to try it, the guy instantly loving it. It had something to do with Caramel…But he can’t just lay a finger on it.

“What’s wrong, pointbreak?” Tony interrupted Steve’s thoughts, bringing him back to the present. Sam snickered, remembering the funny nicknames all of the team already forgot after all these events. “Hold on.” Sam was quick to scan the room “Where’s TicTac?”

“Right here Y’fool.” Scott earned everyone’s gaze, after finally emerging from the upstairs lounge, A toddler on his hip. It’s been a week since you were back, nothing much has changed and you were still pissed at everyone trying to let you ‘remember’ things. It was when Tony decided to hire professional therapists and psychiatrist to try and let you do things on your own and help you piece the puzzle altogether. He paid shit ton of money to make sure no one leaks any information, after all-the world knows you’re dead. It was also that time that you got so angry at them, after all-again, you’re at least thirty-five weeks pregnant- and you were getting more irritated with all of them bugging you. One good thing that happened is that you’re not much pissed with them calling you Eve, sometimes though-you’d lash out at them and tell them they’re being annoying again and then they’ll stop. Steve though, He calls you Queen.

“Another bomb day?” Bruce mumbled, trying to hide his laugh as he saw the laughing Sequoia in his friend’s grasp as he held a full diaper. Originally, Sequoia was following Wanda and Nat, but the girls both assigned Scott to do it-well the latter threatening him to, showing her new knife from Tokyo, specifically made for her grip and liking-and that if he doesn’t take the task, she’d be sure to let Scott and her knife get to know each other well. Natasha didn’t hate the child, how can she? He’s your son, but it’s not only him-it’s any kid, it reminds her of her past-her future, one that she dreams of-yet can never attain. Also….How can she take care of a child she doesn’t even know how it was conceived?Natasha winced at the thought, remembering the exact words of Dr. Cho “We may not have any verbal confirmation onto what really happened …But, with the intensive procedures and measurements we’ve done to confirm what we’re all dreading..It shows us that there was a severe trauma or damage, to her vaginal wall, cervical area-“ which was abruptly stopped by Bucky and Tony’s hands smashing through a wall and their desks.

“Toni?Toni..Tonee?” Sequioa lisped, trying to get away from Scott’s grasp and wanting to be held by the billionaire. Tony was quick to catch the little guy, after all-He was yours, which makes every one of them promise to take care of Sequoia as long as you need to rest. “Hi little buddy.”

“Tonee!” Sequioa blew a bubble, and then laughed at himself-making everyone smile. “S’funny Tonee.” A yawn escaped the todddler’s lips, making another bubble-making him burst in laughter once again. “You’re so silly ‘Quioa!” Wanda laughed, patting the child’s head as it rested onto Tony’s shoulder,his eyes starting to droop. “Oof. I think you’re assigned to sleepy time,Tones.” Clint teased, earning a smirk from Tony who is already on his way towards the nursery they set up for the toddler. “At least not diaper duty.” Scott mumbled, earning a laugh from Natasha.

“Who let you in here?” All their eyes darted towards the room in the far-left corner, Your room. All eyes also-widened, quickly seeing Thor already inside. “I told Dr.Cho to not let anyone inside.” As every one of them step inside your suite, they all stopped in their tracks. You’re unbelievably calm.Not mad, nor angry-You’re not even throwing a fit! Thor, about to answer-was interrupted by a son, and then a squeal. “Iana!It’s true!You’re back!It’s you…” Peter gasped, fighting off Strange’s hands as he leaped towards his long lost friend. “You’re here….I was so worried. I was so sad!I even stopped building our lego castle!Because….Because, I really thought you were gone and Mr.Stark told me to try and move on, and I was mad at him! Well…We all somehow got into a fight…But that doesn’t matter anymore! Because you’re now here and you’re back and we’ve all missed you and you’re no impostor anymore!” The team tried their best to stop Peter, but for a child-he talked so fast. After a week of your appearance, they finally told everyone in SHIELD and the rest of the Avengers-after you showed a stable and good condition. And now, they told Peter. The last one to know.As you know…He’s a child. Clingy. Impulsive. Just like now.

“Impostor?” You muttered, your voice softening as you look at everyone’s wide eyes “Lego Castle?”

“Eve…We’re so sorry.Just don’t think of what he’s saying. This is-“ Bruce was quick to answer, assessing you-but was shocked as he saw that your heart rate is not even increasing with whatever Peter is saying.

“Peter?You’re Peter.Right?”

[ill-go-with-that-then]

Whale of a Time

A Mic/Aizawa + Nezu/Gang Orca fic for @bethhankel, rated G!

“This is going to be awkward.”

“What! No it’s not!”

Shouta raised an eyebrow at the mirror as he struggled to straighten his tie, knowing his husband would see the reflection. “In what way is this not awkward?”

Hizashi swooped in, straightening the offending garment and pressing a kiss to Shouta’s cheek before going back to fixing his own hair. “It’s just dinner with your dad! You’ve done that thousands of times!” 

“Yeah, with Dad. Not-” Shouta scowled, fighting the urge to pull his tie crooked again. If he was never ready, he never had to leave the bathroom. “You know.” 

“I know,” Hizashi sighed, satisfied enough with his hair to leave it for the moment. “But he and Gang Orca - wait, are we supposed to call him Sakamata now? I don’t know if I can do that! Anyway, they’ve been dating for a while. You can’t bury your head in the sand forever.”

“I’m not burying my head in the sand,” Shouta muttered, hunching his shoulders. He wished there were some convenient sand to hide in. “I just don’t want to think about my dad dating. Is that so weird?”

Hizashi moved behind Shouta, wrapping his arms around Shouta’s middle and resting his chin against the top of Shouta’s head. “Not weird,” he said. “But a little unsustainable, under the circumstances.”

Shouta pouted. “Be nice to me. I’m suffering.” 

“When you were head to toe in bandages you were ‘totally fine Hizashi, stop fussing’ but now you’re suffering?” Hizashi laughed, stepping away and tapping at Shouta’s lower lip with one of his long fingers. “Time to Plus Ultra, Pro Hero.”

He was right. Shouta sighed, straightening up and squaring his shoulders. “Bring it.”

Hizashi grinned, leading the way into the main room where Eri was teaching her babysitter about penguins. “This penguin lives in a zoo,” she explained, pointing at one of the pictures in her favorite book. “She’s adopted, like me. She has two dads.” 

“Amazing,” said Toshinori, eyes shining with emotion. “Remarkable!” 

Her job done, Eri closed the book to deal with more important matters. “Mr. All Might? Can we have ice cream?”

“Yes!” he boomed, shifting into his larger form and knocking over the coffee table. 

“After dinner,” Shouta corrected, righting the table with his foot and bending down to press a kiss to the top of Eri’s head. “Be good for Mr. All Might, all right?”

Eri nodded seriously, and Toshinori, small again, smiled as he rubbed the back of his neck. “Don’t worry about us! Just enjoy your night out with your father!” 

“Thanks,” Shouta said grimly, turning and walking towards the entryway. Hizashi lingered for a moment to speak to Toshinori. 

“Call us if you need anything! We’ll come straight back!” he promised, giving Eri a tight hug and a kiss on each cheek. “She’ll probably fall asleep pretty soon, but just in case!”

“Understood! But I’m sure we’ll be fine!” Toshinori swung Eri up on his shoulders, crouching slightly to avoid smacking her head against the ceiling. 

“Hizashi! Let’s get this over with!” Shouta called.

“Wish us luck!” Hizashi said, as he turned to go.

“Good luck!” Eri and Toshi said together, waving. 

“Thanks,” Hizashi sighed as he caught sight of Shouta’s grumpy face at the front door. “We’ll need it.”

It was a quiet ride to the restaurant. Hizashi tried once or twice to start a conversation, but Shouta’s mind seemed elsewhere, and Hizashi didn’t push. “Wow, your dad sure picked a fancy place,” he said, as the cab stopped to let them out in front. 

“The better to torture me with, I assume,” Shouta grumbled.

“That does sound like something I would do,” came a voice from behind them. Hizashi turned around slowly, his smile fixed in place. 

“Hey hey, good to see you outside of school, Sir!” 

“Hizashi, Shouta,” Nezu smiled. “Wonderful to see you, as always. You know Kugo, of course?” 

“Yeah, of course,” Hizashi said, more easily now. He grabbed Gang Orca’s - Sakamata’s - hand in both of his and shook it vigorously. “Nice to see you again!” 

Sakamata smiled tightly, fidgeting with his bright yellow tie. “Likewise. I wouldn’t have recognized you with your hair down, Yamada.”

Hizashi laughed. “Yeah, I get that a lot, right Shouta?” 

Shouta shrugged, and Hizashi jammed one of his bony elbows into his ribs. “Right. Uh… good to see you.”

“Yes… how are your students?” Sakamata said, as they followed Nezu inside. 

“They’re… fine.” A waiter led them to a quiet table, away from the crowd, probably because Sakamata was so recognizable, and set up a booster seat for Nezu, who scampered into it with dignity. 

“Shouta isn’t doing his students justice!” Nezu said, as he reached for his menu. “There’s something special about class 1A this year!”

Hizashi grinned. “Yeah, you can tell because Shouta hasn’t expelled any of them!” 

Everyone laughed, except for Shouta, who scowled down at the table. No one said anything further as they looked over the menu, until the waiter came to drop off drinks and take their orders. 

“So Aizawa, rumor is that you expelled your entire class last year,” Sakamata said, after an extended pause. 

Hizashi choked on his water. “Oh, that’s not a rumor! Shouta’s the reason there is no class 2!”

Sakamata’s jaw dropped, but Shouta just shrugged. “If they’re going to get their hearts broken, better that it happen early, while they still have time to pursue more appropriate options.”

No one had any response, and without the menus to distract them, the lack of conversation was more awkward than before. “Shouta, say something,” Hizashi hissed, as quietly as possible. “Something less heavy than that!”

Shouta narrowed his eyes before taking a sip of his drink. “When Hizashi and I started dating, Dad made him run on a human-sized hamster wheel. He said the longer he went, the more committed he was to our relationship.”

“I ran until I passed out!” Hizashi said proudly.

Sakamata blinked. “That’s… sweet?”

“We still have the wheel,” Shouta said, pointedly.

“Ahaha,” Nezu laughed a little too loudly. “We’ve all learned so much since then! Haven’t we, Shouta?” 

Shouta looked across the table, impassive. “Have we?” 

“Oh look!” Hizashi clapped his hands in front of him. “The food!” 

Shouta slouched in his chair as their waiter passed out the dishes. “He’s not gonna fit on the wheel, Shou,” Hizashi muttered under his breath. 

“It’s not about that,” Shouta hissed through gritted teeth. “It’s the princi-” Before he could finish the thought, his phone began vibrating in his pocket. He pulled it out, ready to silence it, Toshinori’s name on the caller ID. “I have to take this,” he said, sliding his chair back from the table and rushing out of the restaurant without a backwards glance. 

Silence fell, broken only by the light clink of dishes and glassware. “So,” Hizashi said, after a minute. “How’s the salmon?”

“It’s fine,” said Sakamata. “How’s the beef?”

“Really good!” Hizashi enthused. He tapped his fingers anxiously against the table, clearly searching for some way to keep the conversation going. “How did you two meet, anyway?”

“I tripped over him.” The words were bland, but a little smile finally appeared on Sakamata’s face. 

Hizashi’s jaw dropped. “What, really?”

Nezu chuckled. “It was my fault! I was looking at some files for the school and not where I was going. He was so embarrassed! He kept apologizing as he helped me pick up all my papers.”

“That’s so sweet!” Hizashi cooed, ever the romantic. 

“It really was.” Nezu smiled at Sakamata, leaning over as far as he could without tipping out of his chair in order to brush their hands together. 

“Eri had a nightmare,” Shouta interrupted as he reappeared behind Hizashi, causing everyone at the table to jump. “She’s asking for us. You too.” He looked at Nezu. 

“Of course,” Nezu hopped down from his chair and straightened his waistcoat. “Shall we, my dear?” 

Sakamata stood also, reaching into his pocket and pulling out his wallet. “Wait, let me,” Shouta said, going for his own cash, but Sakamata shook his head. 

“I’ve got it.” He dropped a handful of bills on the table, more than enough to cover the four half-eaten dinners. 

“There’s a fifteen minute wait for a cab,” Hizashi said, looking worriedly at his phone. “Do you think the subway would be faster?” 

“Let me drive you,” Sakamata offered, shrugging into his coat. “My car has plenty of room. Obviously.”

“That’s really not necessary-” Shouta started.

Nezu interrupted, as if he hadn’t spoken. “Thank you, Dear! That’s very kind of you. It’s important that we get to Eri as soon as possible. Right Shouta?”

“Right,” Shouta sighed, following his father out of the restaurant. When they got to the car, they decided that Hizashi would take the front seat, in order to give directions, and Nezu scrambled over Shouta into the back. “Where’s your car seat?” Shouta asked as they buckled in. 

“Shouta,” Nezu hissed. “Let’s discuss that later, please.”

Shouta scowled. “Dad, that’s not-”

“Not too much farther now!” Hizashi said, indicating their next turn. Sakamata nodded, weaving in and out of traffic deftly considering the size of the vehicle, and in just a few minutes they were in front of U.A. 

“I’ll drop you here and find someplace to park,” Sakamata said. “Just text me when you’re ready for me to pick you up.” 

“Nonsense!” Nezu said. “We won’t leave you waiting in the car like a chauffeur! Let’s all go in.” 

Hizashi nodded. “Please! Come inside, we have tea and coffee!”

“I appreciate the offer but… it’s not a good idea,” said Sakamata. “Children tend to find me intimidating at first. And then… scarier later. Your daughter is already having a rough night.” 

“Eri won’t be scared of you,” Shouta said, gruffly. “She’s seen enough of the world to know you can’t judge evil by its face.”

No one knew how to respond to that, but after a moment Sakamata clicked his seatbelt off. “I’ll duck out if there are any problems,” he said, as if he were mostly assuring himself.

They made their way through the dorms in silence, mercifully avoiding any students, and before long they were standing in front of Hizashi and Shouta’s door. As it opened, Toshinori was already apologizing for the trouble. “I’m so sorry to interrupt your evening. I know this night was important to you. But she just seemed so upset, and she was calling-”

“It’s fine,” Shouta said, as Eri ran towards them, arms already reaching out for someone to hold her. But when she saw Sakamata, she screeched to a stop, mouth falling open. 

“Whoa,” she whispered, eyes widening. 

Sakamata pressed back against the door, hunching in on himself in an attempt to look smaller. “Ah. Hello, Eri. I’m-”

“A PENGUIN!” Eri shrieked, pressing her hands to her cheeks and bouncing on the balls of her feet, all traces of fear gone from her face. “A real penguin!” 

“What.” Sakamata, Aizawa, and Toshinori said together. 

“Eri! This is our friend, Mr. Sakamata!” Hizashi smiled, sweeping Eri up into his arms, so she and Sakamata could look each other in the eye. “Say hello!”

Eri nodded. “Hi,” she murmured, not taking her eyes off him as she leaned in close to enough to Hizashi’s ear to whisper. “Daddy, it’s a penguin. I know from my book.”

“I am so sorry,” Shouta said, his face turning an unhealthy shade of red. 

“It’s absolutely fine.” Sakamata smiled widely at Eri, flashing a mouthful of large, sharp teeth. The room held its breath, waiting to see if Eri would panic, but she just grinned back. 

“So cool!” she marveled, leaning forward and reaching as far as she could, trying to touch Sakamata’s cheek. 

“Hey now,” Hizashi bounced her gently, trying to distract her. “Sorry, she’s usually very shy with strangers! I didn’t think she’d be so forward!”

Sakamata just kept smiling, lifting a hand so Eri could wrap her small fingers around one of his larger ones, steadying herself. “I really don’t mind. It’s nice to meet you, Eri. Your grandpa’s told me so much about you.” 

Like it was a magic word, Eri’s attention was diverted instantly. “Grandpa!” she yelled, looking around the room until she spotted him, then wriggling out of Hizashi’s grip so she could race across the room and give him a hug. “I had a bad dream,” she whispered like a confession, her arms wrapped tight around his neck. 

“I heard,” Nezu replied, hugging her gently. “Are you feeling better now?”

She nodded. “Mr. All Might made me hot chocolate. He’s really nice.” Toshinori coughed, hiding his face between his fist and the crook of his shoulder. Eri glanced back towards Sakamata. “Are all penguins so tall?”

“I think it’s time for us to get going!” Nezu announced, giving Eri’s cheek a last nuzzle before pulling away. “And for young ladies to go back to bed!”

Eri nodded, then, to everyone’s shock, wrapped herself around Sakamata’s leg. “Will you visit me again?”

“Of course,” Sakamata said immediately. “Ah… if it’s all right with your dads.”

“He’ll come back soon, Eri,” Hizashi promised, gently disentangling her and passing her over to Toshinori. “Mr. All Might’s going to put you back in bed now while we say goodbye to your grandpa, okay? Then Dad and I will come in to say goodnight.” 

Eri nodded, one fist clenched in Toshinori’s shirt, her eyes already half-closed as he carried her from the room. “She’s a sweet girl,” Sakamata said. “Thanks for letting me meet her.”

“Of course!” Hizashi smiled. “Come back any time!” 

Sakamata nodded, and moved to open the door when Shouta interrupted him. “Sakamata. I’m - glad to get to know you better. Please come over again soon.”

“We promise to explain to Eri that you’re not a penguin!” Hizashi said brightly, breaking the tension in the room and causing everyone to laugh. 

As they were leaving, Nezu stopped to rest a paw against Shouta’s knee. “I’m proud of you, Shouta.”

Shouta’s mouth quirked into a half smile. “Thanks Dad. I’m happy for you.”

Nezu’s eyes brightened, and he took a step back, clearing his throat and fussing with his waistcoat. “Thank you. That means quite a lot to me.” He and Sakamata left after that, Shouta and Hizashi still standing in the entryway.

“So,” Hizashi smirked, leaning against the doorway. “Still think it’s weird?”

“Yes,” Shouta grumbled, pulling off his tie at last, and shaking his hair free of its loose knot. “All families are weird. But. it’s worth it, I guess.”

Hizashi’s smile widened into a grin, and he reached out to stroke the rise of Shouta’s cheek. “Yeah. Guess so.”

[violetsystems]

#personal

The holidays are quiet if not a little more restful than usual.  I facetime’d my dad and his wife and talked to my mom on the phone.  Since I left my job way back in July I haven’t had much video contact with anybody.  Everybody is too busy baking banana bread on YouTube I guess to check in.  The final days of my employment had devolved into a virtual SCRUM twice a day led by myself on camera.  It was exhausting at times to lead but kept people focused.  That is when they bothered to show up.  One of my employees was off making music with my boss half the time I was trying to lead those discussions.  I’m beginning to sense a theme.  People saying they are there but not really.  Maybe the mic is muted.  Maybe you can’t see behind the screen.  All I know is the follow through lately with people is missing entirely.  I spent a good hour the last two days trying to decouple a credit card from my old job’s contact info.  I’m locked out of both the phone number and the email attached to the account.  I got the run around trying to provide a US passport to confirm my identity.  It was good enough to enter China alone.  The first call that ID was sufficient.  They had said they sent an email to follow through with the process to two different emails I provided.  The email never came most likely because neither had been tied to the account previously.  I called back on Christmas eve and suddenly the passport wasn’t good enough.  Neither was an expired driver’s license.  The woman actually asked me why I hadn’t renewed my driver’s license.  I told the truth.  My ex girlfriend stole my car.  That didn’t really help the situation.  I sent a passport photo to unlock my facebook but they never followed through.   I had an easier time unlocking my Fortnite account with it although that took a full week.  I ended having to call the police on Christmas eve to explore filing a report for fraud and identity theft.  The police officer on the phone pretty much gaslighted me at the end of the questioning.  “Nothing criminal.” he stated plainly.  I didn’t get mad.  I didn’t even complain.  I simply said Happy Holidays and hung up.  Much like I’ve hung up on the last twenty years of my life at this point.  Nobody seems to want to answer the video call.  The opening introduction if they did would be something like “What exactly have you done with my life?”  Maybe they’re afraid to confront the truth.  The media, the government, and even the police seem to not want to believe evidence that contradicts their narrative.  I guess you could throw up your hands and revolt.  But the holidays have been peaceful and quiet enough to simply roll my eyes and move on.  I’ve had years of failures to connect.  COVID has taught me a lot of things.  I heard the mantra in all the mandatory corporate webinars.  This pandemic has brought to light structural problems we were never aware of before.  Sexual harassment in the workplace.  Check.  Organizational corruption.  Check.  The fact everybody is full of bullshit and will just mute the mic and pretend it never happened.  Check.  People feel invincible behind a screen and think they know it all.  Check.  Now that we’re aware.  What do we do?  How do we move on with our life now that we have all this space?  How do I even care about participating in a broken process when I have no debt and fiscal maturity?  How can I go back to being the old me when I’ve been completely erased and conveniently forgot about?  Why would I even bother?  

Mostly I take the time with this process to make sure my identity is completely secure.  Which is why it’s not really fun to be locked out of twenty years of your own information in the form of an email account and forgotten about for six months.  But this is just the structural reality come to light.  Much like the rest of America is waking up to the reality of what greed really does to people.  That was my Christmas present this year aside from the coffee that never came and that Cyberpunk game that I don’t really have the time or the subpar computer setup to criticize.  I’m guilty of tricking myself into thinking people care about me.  I have statistical data from the last six months that proves otherwise.  I also have financial data that points to whatever hustle I have been hustling during that time has paid off and will continue to.  But I don’t really have an answer to anything.  I’m in the worst kind of limbo.  I don’t get the sense these days that I should even remotely worry until July.  Which is kind of like saying fuck you to the world for the next six months.  I spent the last six waking up from a nightmare.  The only times I look back is to clean up the mess.  And a Christmas Eve call to the police is kind of messy.  But the result is more of the same for me.  An extravagant “I told you so.”  I’ve been telling myself for awhile now a lot of things.  Some of them were kind of unbelievable.  Now those very dreams are all I really take comfort in.  The limbo I’m in is more pointed to the light at the end of the tunnel than the void.  But I can’t say the same for everybody else.  I work for myself for the time being.  It looks really nice on paper.  I can even pay myself if it fits into my organization’s financial outlook.  But none of this matters when you or your struggles don’t even exist to people other than to mock or judge it.  All the work we do to survive.  All the work we do to create art and to be beautiful in the face of chaos.  All of that is negated by a loud mouthed jerk who can bark you back into submission.  A mob of dumb ass fraudsters that talk over and mute any opposition without any warrant or merit.  The press follows this mentality pretty clearly.  Everybody has a hot take and a theory.   But nobody wants to sit down and listen to the culmination of lies spread about people and situations.  Everyone is too emotionally interested in sharing their recipe for banana bread to an invisible audience.  I guess I could be guilty of that too.  Except that I share actual human emotion and care with a community of people who pay attention week to week.  For a person like myself who has no real need to worry about money for the foreseeable future what’s the value of care and attention?  A lot.  I don’t feed myself with vapor or fake sentiments.  I take it all at base level as real as it gets.  You can’t build a future on speculation.  You can technically if you are in the stock market.  But risk is risk.  And money is money.  No one can be me at the end of the day.  Sometimes I can’t even prove I’m myself.  My mom reminded me I had to provide ten pieces of documentation to renew my passport ten years ago.  The reasoning was simple.  The government did not believe I existed.  No bullshit.  A decade later nothing really has changed.  I’ve been to Shanghai by myself and eaten McDonald’s.  I read all these Republicans talk about how you put your identity at risk just setting foot in that country.  

And yet when does the rhetoric and brainwashing fall flat on it’s face?  When you can’t pass economic stimulus to not only save your own people but the fragile stock market all this bullshit is built upon.  I could keep telling you I told you so.  Or I could save my own ass.  And largely I did without really owing much to this country whatsoever except taxes in Q1.  Taxes billionaires don’t have to pay because they offer us so much relevant employment and benefits that fit on their bottom line.  The real truth is that America would rather not face the truth.  It hasn’t for years.  It’s built on this kind of thing.  It always has been.  And the world gets bigger and the excuses get worse.  And so what does anyone expect a person like me to do after you openly admit that there’s nothing criminal going on here.  How does that sound when you’ve been treated openly like a criminal in so many unsettling ways that you just don’t want to participate in society anymore?  Not that anyone really asks me to participate.  They’re too busy signaling or whispering secret messages.  Is it suggestion or valid communication?  I’m the one that has to shift through it all and detangle the mess from what is real and what is some sort of mass hallucination.  An alternate reality hunger game that the rich have been playing for years without any punishment or oversight.  When you get caught up in the crossfire they expect you to know the drill.  Keep your mouth shut if you know what’s good for you.  None of this is good for me.  You could argue it made me the beast that I am.  But I am the one who had to actively make that choice to adapt and survive.  But I’m not like any normal person these days.  I refuse to admit it anymore.  They say the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem.  I have a problem.  One that it seems I cannot fix.  And if you isolate and quarantine yourself from an entire twenty years of nostalgia what is left?  Where are the texts of merry xmas from yesteryear.  Probably pinging my old work number.  I can’t access my facebook.  Maybe that’s for the best.  I can’t shut down lines of credit until I renew my state ID.  I could jump on a plane and visit Shanghai Disney quicker than I could prove I’m alive to the US government.  And when does the constant gaslighting break down?  When do we realize that people gaslight to cover up an elaborate lie that has gotten out of control.  That we are not all in this together.  Not by a longshot.  That the problem of connectedness is right there in front of our faces.  We’re exhausted propping up entire infrastructures that keep a bloated empire alive.  Family fortunes built on opioids and war strewn out across the landscape in trusts and elaborate tax schemes.  Oligarchs that have generational wealth that buy our politicians and scam people into debt and forced labor.  This is America.  This is the systemic problem the pandemic brought to light.  This shit was built this way.  And like any fort constructed with shaky foundations, good luck hiding from the storm in that shit.  At least I can still access my Epic account.  What am I going to do for the next six months?  Complain about something I can’t fix because everybody wants to consider me part of the problem?  I don’t know what to do anymore except move forward and lead by example.  There’s enough quality people who follow to keep me warm with those thoughts through the holidays alone.  I won’t be drunk on a zoom call.  I’ll be in bed watching Wonder Woman or something.  When everyone you worshipped comes out of this looking fake, tired and exhausted you’ll know where to find me.  Unlocking more accounts tied to an identity that doesn’t exist anymore.  Nothing criminal.  Hopefully people will stop treating me like one eventually.  <3 Tim

[prolifeproliberty]

A Summary of the CHAZ: Myths Debunked

So I’ve been watching the Capitol Hill Autonomous Zone situation since it began, and I’m seeing a lot of disinformation. Here’s what’s happened so far.

tl;dr - The whole thing is much less exciting than either side makes it out to be - it’s not a socialist utopia and it’s not a terrorist takeover. Ultimately, the CHAZ will not last long. It is by no means autonomous (there have actually been discussions about changing the name, but none of the suggestions seem to stick), and it is not set up for any kind of long-term sustainability. Many protesters already seem burned out, and funds will begin to run dry soon. If left alone, the CHAZ will likely dissolve within a couple of days. 

- Leading up to June 9th there had been a lot of conflict between protesters and police, including rioting and destruction of party on the side of protesters and tear gas and rubber bullets on the side of police. 

- On June 9th the police evacuated their East Precinct and the protesters moved in, using barricades to block the streets coming into the area. They labeled the area an autonomous zone, now known as “CHAZ”

- Shortly after this point, armed security showed up. It appears to have been originally members of the John Brown Gun Club, a socialist militia group. 

- The evening of June 9th the protesters gathered for a rally and marched to city hall, where a city council member and self-identified socialist unlocked the doors and let them in. They held a “town hall” in the city hall building and different people took turns speaking, including the city council member. 

- The protesters then returned to the CHAZ where someone set up a projector and they watched the documentary “13th”, a film about incarceration of black people and prison labor.

- Raz, the much-hyped “warlord”, initially tried to become the “police” or security force of the area. There was some initial conflict when Raz and his group tried to stop someone from putting graffiti in certain areas (I think the person was covering up his graffiti?) and there is video of that person being beat up.

- Raz appears to be a rapper who would like to be the leader of a gang, and he saw this as his chance. There’s evidence online of some pretty troubling things he has done and said, including a very disturbing music video. 

- The next day (June 10th) the group held a town hall/people’s assembly where people spoke about a wide variety of things. If you watch the videos from that meeting, there was a mix of people speaking - some were very practical, talking about the future of the CHAZ, others very idealistic, talking about socialist theory, and others rambled in a way that was very hard to follow. At least one person appeared to have mental health issues and it was unclear if what he was saying was real or not. 

- During that assembly multiple people called out Raz and his group and said what happened was unacceptable. From what I’ve seen and read, people are saying they haven’t seen him around much since then and there haven’t been any more incidents with his group.

- All throughout there has been discussion of ceding the area to descendants of the Duwamish tribe that lived in the Seattle area prior to the arrival of American settlers. Two Native American women, at least one of whom was Duwamish, took the mic during the June 10th meeting. One of the women spoke about violence and discrimination against indigenous people, and then the two led the group in a traditional song for missing women.

- During that day at some point people started work on a garden. It is very limited, mostly a few tomatoes and some herbs. It’s being called a community garden where people plant what they want - the lack of planning and coordination meaning there is no real potential for it to become a primary food source any time soon. 

- Reports of food being stolen appear to come from a photoshopped tweet. The person who supposedly sent the tweet has their Twitter locked, so it was difficult to confirm whether the tweet was real. 

- Reports of businesses being extorted for protection money also seem to be false. Most business owners in the area have reported higher foot traffic and more sales than they’ve seen in a while. It’s possible some individuals may have asked for donations, and that could have been interpreted as extortion. 

- Reports of IDs being checked at the barricades seem to be false as well. It’s possible that some individuals were trying to identify people who wanted to come in and cause trouble/make fun of them (there was a lot of social media talk from people saying they would raid the zone). But there was no actual effort to keep people out, and many have reported that they entered and left without ever being questioned, or were offered water and snacks upon entry. 

- There are a few individuals who seem to have taken leadership roles, organizing assemblies and marches, but they have no official designations and their roles seem to be very temporary and fluid.

- There is no real long-term strategy or plan. The protesters seem to be surprised they got this far. 

- Most meetings and discussions have involved a lot of people suggesting ideas, but few or no attempts to reach any kind of consensus or implement any of these ideas. 

- Funding and supplies are coming through donations from supporters. Many protesters are sharing venmo and paypal information in hopes of receiving support. Tables are set up with snacks and water, and there are medical tents with volunteer medics (not sure whether they’re doctors and nurses or just volunteers with first aid training). 

- Protesters seem to be frequenting local businesses, including a hotdog cart and some local restaurants. One salon has opened its bathrooms to protesters. 

- Many protesters come and go throughout, while others have stayed and slept in tents. As far as I’ve seen the protesters have not entered the precinct. 

- Today, June 11, several Seattle police officers walked into the precinct with little incident besides some chants from protesters. They said they were inspecting the building to determine what, if any, cleanup needed to be done to make it operational and said they were preparing to move back in. 

- Protesters debated what to do about this. They considered barricading police in the building and debated whether this idea would cause more harm. They did vote to sanitize their bullhorn. 

- Eventually some protesters did barricade the doors of the precinct after they believed all officers have left (though they did not confirm). Shortly after, other protesters moved barricades away from one of the doors (presumably so any cops still inside could leave). 

- At this time (evening of 6/11), there are reports of police staging outside the zone with vans and patrol cars, seeming to be preparing for mass arrests. A rally/meeting was held for a couple of hours, and now people are simply milling about the main intersection. 

[crystu-cii]

It really issss-- yeah if I'm comfortable with someone we'll just vibe in comfortable silence sometimes XDD

Yeah qwq

YEAH ESSAYS ARE THE WORSTTT-- I'm just good at making my words sound pretty and bsing it XD copying, pasting, then paraphrasing is key XD

Oh my goodness-- good luck XD if you're the one who shows her your grade you could use the inspect key to change the grade-- jus sayin 👀

Yeah dkfj if I talked about how much school sucked it would mostly just be "I'm weirdly good at math and English class makes me want to die" XD gets very repetitive very fast--

Also I'm such a good student so I don't want my teacher to go "so why didnt you do the essay" bc my only response is "well my grade could tank the hit and I don't like essays so"

MANN- for me writing an essay is just writing whatever comes into your mind and then tURN IT RI G H T I N- I'll cringe when I read my own essay- so ima leave the teacher to do that XDD

and OOO man- i never tried to use the inspect thingy- ironic since like three of my classes are all about computers and yet i barely know computers at all- xD

AND HOLY LOWKEY SAME LIKE- i wanna be a good student in school (which id say im doing a good job- for now-) but at the same time, if school were a person- i would be it's bully XDDD

like oh gee- i feel teensy bit bad about this but as much as i appreciate my teachers- behind the screen im all like "TAKE A LOAD OF THIS IDIOT-" xDD

whenever the class would end- i would always tell the teacher to have a nice day! and then the second i leave the meeting i would mutter or curse something- WHEEZE

and i should possibly note- for my school- we dont even need to put our cams and mics on- we have the ability to go through a whole school day without saying a word- so most of the time our classes are boring and soooo quiet its crazy (not that im bothered anyway- i hate talking so badd)

OKAY AT THIS POINT- im kinda not even learning- i would just get good grades and boom- people would assume i would have a successful life- which i DONT EVEN KNOW- i dont even have a clue what my future holds ;0; BUT PFTIHA like- i would also not do assignment cause i would tell myself "NAH MY GRADE CAN SURVIVE THE DAMAGE-" its almost as if school is one whole strategy game and we just gotta suffer with it for months xDDD

[nosferatyou]

New Tune: Chapter 5 (Jake Kiszka x Reader)

WC: 3.3k

Warnings: Cursing, mentions of emotional abuse, and some sick guitar solos.

Summary: Two guitarists meet at a Rock Festival, only having a week with each other before they have to return to their own lives. The bond they create is unfeigned and resolute.

“You have fun last night?”

“Huh?” I look up from my guitar to see Asa, sporting a confused look on my face.

He shook his head and laughed to himself, handing his phone to me.

“You must've really gone overboard last night if you don't remember this.”

Some random Greta Van Fleet fan account had posted a video of Jake and I from the night before. The both of us jumping off stage and into the pit, and pictures of us in the mosh.

“Scroll down, there's more.” Asa suggested, waving his hand towards his phone.

I guess all these accounts tagged the whole band to get our attention, and it definitely had mine. Multiple people had taken pictures and videos of us together, some accounts more… professional than others. Many were excited to see Jake with a girl, but all were mostly confused as to why he was moshing in the first place. It cracked me up honestly. I quickly sent some of the posts to myself before handing it back over to him.

“You think this will have any repercussions?” I asked, a worried look creeping over my face.

“I doubt it, at least not for us. We barely have the following that they have, even then our publicist is so used to the shit that you get into.”

“I guess so, I just hope it isn't a problem for him. Id feel awful it was.”

“Well you'll see him later right?” Asa asked. 

“Yeah, I’m sure we are just gonna laugh about it, but I honestly didn't think this would happen.”

“Y/N, everyone will have moved on by tomorrow morning, don't stress too much.

“I'll do my best.” I said meekly.

I don't even want to know if any of the articles have reached my boyfriend Sam. Knowing him he's already well aware, and seen all he can. I just don’t want to think about that right now, or any of this. The both of us should be able to have fun without it being blasted everywhere. 

I glanced over to my phone, which I haven't touched since yesterday, and god knows when the last time I actually charged it was.

 Asa noticed what I was looking and asked “Y/N when was the last time you checked your phone?” 

“During our last practice..” I said hanging my head in shame.

He nodded, staring at his coffee, seemingly lost in thought.

“If you ignore him now he's just going to get more upset.”

“Asa, you think I didn't know that?” I snapped, my voice raising.

I caught myself and took a deep breath “I’m sorry, it's just, my patience is wearing thin, I just need to get home.”

“I don't know why you're with him, Y/N. This is abuse and you know it!” He raised his voice, feelings he was holding in finally getting let out.

“He has never hit me and he never would.” I put my guitar next to me, it doesn't seem like I will be needing it anymore.

“You know that's not what I mean. The way he treats you? The possessiveness? None of it is okay. You just outright ignoring him because its too much to handle just shows me that deep down you agree. You ignore everything that's hurting you, I've known you long enough to realize that much.”

I just stayed quiet, my head hung low. Everyone knew the truth, everything he was saying was true. I always knew it. I just. He’s what I deserve, with the way I treat myself and the life I live. It's not something anyone can handle. I'm not going to find anyone else who can. So I'm okay with Sam. He's the best I will do. At least I think he is, but I don't want to put anyone else through having to love me.

“Y/N I care about you. We all do you know? You're family and to see you put up with everything he drags you through is just…” He stopped to think of his words. “You have such a big heart, he never will deserve you.”

And with that he got up and walked to the back of the bus, not before letting out a huff and running his hands through his hair.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I had been a bit shaky all day. Everything Asa said was starting to get to me. His words creeping through my mind every other minute, and then it’s all i could think about. Along with the drama I caused with Jake and his community, but I have to put on a happy face for the boys and it's nothing a bit of liquid courage couldn't help. 

I knocked on their door three times then stepped back. Adjusting the guitar strapped to my back. All of their cheerful voices suddenly stopped before I heard someone loudly clamber their way towards the door. It swung open, almost slamming into the side of the bus. A very excited Sammy was behind it, a giant smile on his face.

“Y/N! You’re here! Come on in.”

 He squished against the wall to let me in and then closed the door behind me. I was greeted with the sight of all the boys at the wrong instruments. Jake on the drums, Josh with a guitar, and Danny playing the bass. Sam ran from behind me and grabbed the mic from the stand. 

“This ones for the ladies.” He said with a smooth voice, wiggling his eyebrows at me.

He counted off and they all started playing “When a man loves a woman.” Sam practically overpowered everyone else with his singing, which was arguably him just screaming the lyrics. The rest of them kept up though, which was unsurprising. Josh tripped up on his part a couple times, but for someone so new to the instrument he killed it. 

They all finished off the song by just wailing on their instruments, and of course, Sam just screaming into the mic. When all was quiet he asked into the mic,

“Well?”

“Fucking fantastic, all of you. I would have brought my trumpet if I knew you guys would be doing this!”

“You play trumpet?” Inquired Danny.

“Been playing for about 15 years. I started back in high school and just never stopped.” I explained while unpacking my guitar.

“Jake you couldn't have brought around a cooler person.” Said Sam, grabbing your case and tucking it away.

“You all are way to nice. But I at least brought my guitar, so let's get to jamming.”

***

“Did you attempt to learn all of our songs before coming?” asked josh, who seemed very impressed with my skills after playing through their set list.

“Found a couple tutorials, so kind of. I also am just a professional at jamming. Don’t forget that I’m also a musician.”

“Oh it's definitely not forgotten.”

Jake stepped into the conversation asking “Think she can handle Black Flag?” A suggestive look on his face.

Him and Josh made eye contact, both nodding and looking back over to me. Man, I hate the fucking twin talk.

“I think it's right up her alley.” Josh said looking back over to me before going back to his spot at the mic stand.

They all talked among themselves for a moment before getting set up again and back in their own spots. Sam sat on the couch, Danny in the back nearer to the bunks, Josh upfront, and Jake and I standing where the table was. The amps were everywhere and kind of evenly distributed. They luckily had an extra for me, and a couple of pedals that Jake wasn’t using. I mean it was just Comp and Reverb, but my guitar already had a funky tone to it.

Josh counted off and Jake went right into it. Tapping his strings faster and faster, Giving me a playful smile. When he got faster I mouthed “Show off.” He just smirked and went into a heavier riff. 

He started playing slower and once the rhythm section joined so did I. I could tell by their nods that they were planning to come in, so in tow I joined with them. Josh joined in with heavy and raspy vocals, with this being a much darker song. He nodded to me and put his pick in his mouth holding it there. Telling me this will be a softer portion. But that didn't last long, because Josh started screaming and Jake joined in with a heavy solo in his typical style. Keeping eye contact with me the whole time. He smirked at me and just kept playing, doing his back bends, wailing on his guitar in the upper register. I played rhythm just to amuse him during his solo, I saved my best for later. I noticed how quickly his hand went back to the position from before and  I joined him for the main riff. We all went back into that flow again through the next verses, and then Josh let out the same scream as before.

 I gave Jake a wink and then stole his solo from him. At first replicating what he did in the beginning of his. He laughed and shook his head, reacting to me showing off. After a bit I broke off into my own, a heavier tone than his. I stepped on the Comp and the delay pedals to add my own personal flair. I'd be kidding myself if I didn’t say I was showing off in that moment. I pulled out all my best guitar moves and licks. I kept with their flow of course, but I put more of a Eric Clapton meets David Gilmour. Bending the shit of of my strings, working up and down the blues scale. Using this moment to get out all of my frustrations and anger. I beat that guitar, wailing away, putting out everything I could. I did just as Jake did, keeping eye contact with him when I could, a smirk on my face. I was playing well, same as him even, but I wasn't going to beat him this way. I threw one more smirk his way and swung the guitar onto my shoulders in one confident swoop. Seamlessly playing with the guitar, tapping in the upper register of my guitar for a bit, then upon hearing Josh start joining in with vocals I swung it back down, and made eye contact with Jake again. He laughed with a smile on his face and we both joined in on the main riff. With the song coming to a close we all harmoniously closed out the song with a quieter tone. But of course not without Josh's expert screams and Danny beating those drums to death. 

 We all let out a huff and sat in silence for a moment. Sam broke the silence by saying

“Jesus Christ the two of you killed that. Jake, you shouldn’t be surprised if your spot in the band is stolen.”

Jake directed his attention back to me, a goofy smile on his face.

“I definitely wouldn't be. She lived up to her end of the bargain, that’s for sure.”

I was full of adrenaline, I felt the same way I did after every show with my own band. The smile on my face and my breathlessness made it clear. These boys gave a new challenge that no one else has provided. Especially Jake, throughout all of tonight we kept our eyes on each other. Only leaving to catch cues, but even then we both merely missed some, which didn't go unnoticed by the rest of the boys. 

His contact doesn't just happen when we are playing. Whenever we are together his attention is all on me. Especially when we are with the boys, hes quieter than when we are alone. He sits back and watches everything unfold. I’ve definitely noticed, but i'm unsure if he has.

I catch his eyes when he finishes his sentence, it gives off a look of intrigue more than anything else. 

Before I could get in my words josh Piped in,

“I don’t know what your talking about, Jake, but you are sure as hell right. She's absolutely fantastic.” His eyes dropped for a moment in shame. “And I admittedly have never heard any of your songs.”

“Well that has to change doesn’t it?” I said with a playful smirk.

I grabbed my phone and an aux plugged into one of the amps. Starting off with one of our earlier pieces, which was heavily blues inspired, but still kept our psychedelic style in it.

We all squeezed onto the small couch and just listened to the music. I was pretty nervous because I knew their musical domain more laid in folk than anything else. They all bobbed their heads along, and their concentrated looks on their faces made it impossible to determine what they were feeling. 

I stopped it after a couple of songs, and turned to face them.

“So? Are we god awful?” I asked.

“Honestly I love how you're truly mixing the new with the old. The organs and the guitar mixing together has a very Doors vibe. It's got something very unique to it all, Y/N. I love it.” Danny said, his focus drifting of to think of the right words. 

“I personally love the way your guitar is standing out. Its tonality is really something else, very you.” Jake reached over and squeezed my hand, and my cheeks burned red. It was like they had a mind of their own. I quickly turned to Sam who was sat next to me so maybe Jake wouldn't notice.

“Okay so.” He said with a very determined look on his face. “ Let's talk organ player, because I really like his whole thought process and-” He was cut off by the sound of my phone ringing over the speaker. Dread filled my whole body and I tensed up. All of the thoughts I had repressed during tonight came flooding back. Jake who still had my hand in his, took notice to that.

“Fuck I shouldn’t of brought that.” I said to myself.

“You gonna answer that?” Josh asked, a quizzical look on his face.

“I-”

“Y/N go answer it, You know you should. We will be here when you get back.” Jake said softly, he looked at me with compassionate eyes. He squeezed my hand one more time and let go. 

I let out a shaky breath and went to go pick it up. I unplugged it and walked off the bus to get some privacy.

The air that was normally dry and burning was now frigid compared to it. I shivered as I stepped off and hesitantly hit the answer button. 

Wow two phone calls in one week that's a new record.” Annoyance extremely visible in his voice.

“You only picked up because you know you're guilty.”

I pinched the bridge of my nose and let out a long sigh.

“ What am I guilty of Sam?” I paused and let out another huff. “I’m honestly confused.”

He spat out “ Your’e fucking sleeping with that jimmy page wannabe.” 

Anger bubbled in my gut. His constant accusations were starting to get on my last nerve.

“Sam are you fucking serious? Honestly I don't know why I put up with your shit.”

“You put up with my shit? Are you fucking serious Y/N?” I get ignored by you every damn day for 

God knows what reason.” He stopped for a moment. His angry tone switching to something more of condescending. 

“I think you owe me an apology if anything.” I could practically feel his judging eyes through the 

phone.

“ I mean you ignore me, sleep with other men, and leave me here to deal with all of it. Alone.” 

God at this point I’m starting to see what Asa is saying. Sams getting on my last nerve.

“I owe you nothing.” I said curtly.

He just laughed.

“Seriously, Sam. I owe you jack shit for all you've put me through.” 

“Ooh is Jimmy Page getting in your head about us? Giving you false confidence?” 

“I’m not fucking Jimmy Page!” I yelled a bit too loudly for how close quarters everything was. But my volume stayed there, if not increased.

“You see one article about me having actual fun and you’re getting so fucking jealous that you throw accusations around to rattle me up and ruin my good experiences at work? I worked so fucking hard to get here and you can’t handle me getting all this attention can you? You seriously can’t trust me can you? Fuck you, Sam.”

Rage boiled in my veins. I couldn't keep still in my spot, I was pacing rapidly back and forth, and my free hand was clamped so tight my nails broke skin.

Even if I wanted to do stuff with Jake I have enough decency to keep it in my pants. 

He stayed silent, his fragile ego probably breaking over the fact that I could finally stand up to him.

“ You really can’t handle your liquor or the truth can you?” He simply said.

That bastard. 

“Oh Fuck off you free loading bitch.”

I hung up and threw my phone to the ground in a plight of rage. 

I marched around in circles, whisper yelling curse words to myself to calm any anger I had. 

I don’t think I can take his abuse anymore, I just feel so stupid for even taking it in the first place. How the hell did I not see any of this? I'm an actual idiot for not seeing his bullshit. 

I took a final deep breath, picked up my phone, and marched onto the bus.

All the boys were standing in positions around the room that could only be described as “Act natural”. All of them gave me a nervous look when I re-entered. 

With gruff tone I said “Who wants to play an Im angry and want to let out steam song?”

All of them very quickly grabbed their instruments and got into position.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After a very long (and loud) rendition of “Sweet Leaf” we all collapsed to the couch in exhaustion. Usually one song wouldn't have had any of us beat but prior we had been playing for at least three hours. They all put something into that last song, I obviously let out all my frustrations into that song, and I guess they had as well.

We sat in a peaceful silence for awhile until Josh finally spoke up 

“Well while you were… Out. We all finally discussed an idea pertaining to you and we came to a mutual agreement.”

I gave him an obvious look of confusion, and then looked over to Jake whose entire face was washed in excitement.

“Josh why does that sound like you’re about to murder me?”

He laughed and said “ No need to worry, darling! We were just wondering if you wanted to join us for our encore tomorrow? We all obviously play well together, and we’d love to have the honor of sharing the stage with you tomorrow.”

A huge smile broke out on my face, excitement now evident in me as well. 

“Fuck yeah I want to! What song were you thinking?”

“Well now that's up for discussion, but I have a couple ideas that I think will blow people out of the water.”

“I can’t wait. It'll be a fantastic way to end the week.” 

“The feelings mutual.”

[famous-aces]

Morrissey

Who: Steven Patrick Morrissey

What: Musician

Where: English (Active, internationally)

When: May 22, 1959 - Present

(Image Description: a black and white photo of Morrissey from 1992.  He is a young white man in his early thirties with dark hair and eyes. His hair is short and messy.  He has thick eyebrows and a strong jawline. He is smiling very slightly. He is wearing a pale knit sweater. End ID)

Morrisey is one of those world-famous single named singers: Cher, Sting, Prince, Madonna, Morrissey. Perhaps a little Bono as, while he is more ironic and droll than the U2 frontman, he also has a reputation for douche-baggery.  Morrissey is famous for his music's bleak drama blended with bleak humor, sexually ambiguousness, themes of the past and self-reflection, and being an all around "anti-pop idol".

Morrissey made a name for himself as the frontman for The Smiths in the 1980s (1982-87), but has a successful solo career since 1988 with only a brief hiatus from '98-'03.  His most beloved albums include The Queen is Dead (1986), Strangeways, Here We Come (1987), Viva Hate (1988), Your Arsenal (1992), Vauxhall and I (1994), You are the Quarry (2004), Years of Refusal (2009). His most recey album (California Son) came out in February of this year (2019).

He is outspoken politically on, for example, vegetarianism and animal rights and against the monarchy and Americanization. In 2006 a BBC poll voted him the second greatest living British cultural icon.

I admit that while I like the Smiths well enough I had never liked them enough to really follow Morrissey's career, which is odd as I do like the whole punk/new wave/post punk scene very much. But I started listening to him a bit for this and a bit depressing but quite good.

(Image description: a photo of the Smiths backstage in 1984 by Tom Sheehan.  From left to right Andy Rourke [a white man with brown hair and a leather jacket. Below that he has on a shirt with what I think is a crow on it. He has his bass slung around his neck and his hands behind his back. He has his head slightly cocked], Morrissey [wearing a striped shirt with a low neck, long necklaces, and square glasses. He has his arms crossed], Mike Joyce [pale with black hair spiked up and his bangs falling into his face. He has on a Smiths t-shirt and is mostly hidden behind the others], and Johnny Marr [pale with a black mop top with long bangs, he is thin with an angular face, he is wearing a black shirt with the sleeves rolled up. He has his guitar slung around his neck and fingers on the frets.] End ID)

Orientation: Humasexual (A word of Morrissey's own creation meaning "attracted to humans" but I will go into why, in Morrissey's case, it seems to fit under the asexual umbrella.)

I'm breaking my own rule here. Morrissey does not call himself "asexual," but uses his own term: humasexual. But as he defines the term and the nature of his sexual/romantic orientation it fits under the aspec umbrella. At one point Morrissey identifed as a bisexual who "hates sex" and later a "non-practicing bisexual," but be later abandoned that terminology. By the 2010s he was very open on the exact nature of his orientation.

While I would not go up to him and demand he identify as aspec the experience he describes does fit in fairly neatly into our letter of the Alphabet Soup. Again, I would not demand anything of him. He is a human person. Sexual orientation is, in the end, highly personal and individual. Do not be The Guy/Gal/Person. In the end everyone is entitled to name and define their own experience.

It may seem odd that a man who writes a lot about sex/sexual desire in his music could be asexual, but I don't think writing is necessarily indicative of the writer's true feelings.  Morrissey agrees, saying time and time again from his earliest fame that he is writing a general story, not a biography. He says of his lyrics that "It was very important for me to try and write for everybody...nothing is ever open and shut.". Remember, while the artist always leaves a trace of themself in their art it is not always in the most obvious way.

I believe his humasexual might be closer to demi (or perhaps gray) than it is to utterly asexual. Aspec, but not at the zero/zero point, when we get to the quotes section I will explain further.  Morrissey is definitely not aromantic. But he was intentionally celibate until his mid-thirties. It was then he had his first serious relationship, all by his own admission, not being interested in sex much before that.  He still seems to have stints of celibacy. Sex as a "maybe" or a shrug rather than a necessity. And again it took a deep personal connection to his partner for him to even feel the urge to have sex. Indeed, he claimed to "hate" sex before that.

I hope to clear things up in the quotes section when I let Morrissey speak for himself, which he has done, extensively. I included quotes from his most recent public discussion on the matter from 2013.

(Image Description: a more recent photo of Morrissey performing on stage this one in color. He has graying hair now and is slightly larger than he was as a younger man, though he is not overweight. He is just less trim. He is wearing a dark suit. His face is wracked with emotion, eyes closed, mouth open. He has one hand in front of him, open palmed. The other holds the mic to his mouth.  End ID)

“Unfortunately, I am not homosexual. In technical fact, I am humasexual. I am attracted to humans.  But, of course . . . not many.”

-Morrissey in a statement from October 2013 (quoted by Time Magazine. Emphasis in original as it is the same in multiple sources) (I think this should be obvious. Again, labels are entirely up to the person using them and thus I am not applying one to Morrissey, but clearly he could stand under the ace umbrella mspec romantically and aspec sexually)

"[F]or the first time in my life the eternal ‘I’ becomes ‘we’, as, finally, I can get on with someone, Jake [Owen Walters] and I neither sought not needed company other than our own for the whirlwind stretch to come.”  

-Morrissey in his 2013 memoir Autobiography.  (Walters was his first serious relationship.  The relationship began in 1994 and ended in 1996. It describes sentiment echoed by many demisexuals "'I' becomes 'we'" and "finally I can get on with someone". Also the idea of solitude may reflect an aspec relationship.)

"Girls remained mysteriously attracted to me, and I had no idea why, since although each fumbling foray hit the target, nothing electrifying took place, and I turned a thousand corners without caring … Far more exciting were the array of stylish racing bikes that my father would bring home.”

-Morrissey on being a teenager in that same memoir

"I don't recognise such terms as heterosexuality, homosexuality, bisexuality, and I think it's important that there's someone in pop music who's like that. These words do great damage, they confuse people and they make people feel unhappy so I want to do away with them."

-Morrissey in a 1985 interview. (I don't agree with him in the least, my label makes me very happy and I know it makes many other people happy [although I did feel like this before I had my asexual label.] I think he might have been projecting. I think his not quite fitting into anything made him uncomfortable and it shows why he might not be inclined to stick to a traditional label and instead invent his own.)

[Nick] Kent: …[Y]out write a lot about homosexual longing.

Morrissey: I've always said that I leave things very open and that I sing about people. Without limitation. And I don't think that automatically makes me homosexual.

Kent: What about...sexual relationships?

Morrissey: I don't have relationships at all. It's out of the question.

Kent: Why?

Morrissey: Partly because I have always been attracted to men or women who were never attracted to me. And I was never attracted to men or women who were attracted to me. So that's the problem. I've never met the right person.

-A 1985 interview with Nick Kent, quoted by David Brent in Morrissey: Scandal and Passion (2004) (not finding "the right person" seems quite demi to me. He also says that is "part" of the reason. So there is probably a more complicated reason too. Also of note, Morrissey doesn't like Kent [or at least didn't at the time] so odds are he was disinclined to further articulate his most personal life to him. But that is purely speculation and it is dicey waters even speculating that much.)

(Image Description: the album cover of You are the Quarry. It shows Morrissey on a red background holding an old fashioned Tommy gun and wearing an old fashioned pin stripe suit. He takes up most of the left side of the image. Beside him on the right it says "Morrissey, You are the Quarry." End ID)

[3wisellamas]

Boxbot Headcanons 4.0

Just...fuck.  Here’s more.

-Raymond likes to play team sports all by himself, and by that I mean with a full complement of other Raymonds, since no one else can match his skill level. He hates how predictable this makes every game, though, since he literally knows what the other players are thinking at all times. On some occasions he will intentionally glitch himself, desperate to introduce SOME randomness into their strategy... 

-Ernesto was the family tattletale as a kid, usually the one to inform Boxman of his siblings' antics. They got back at him by stealing his hats.

-Darrell's toddler model had a serious design flaw, a leaky valve somewhere in him that took Boxman far too long to find and fix. Until he did, the poor kid used to oil the bed a LOT, and is still really embarrassed about it.

-Shannon is really good with Linux, and has her own custom kernel on her computer, mostly so that none of the boys can figure out how to use it and snoop in on her stuff.

-Do not put Jethro in tiny clothes or makeup. Ever. He has a lot of humiliating memories from playing dress-up with Darrell and Shannon (really, just being dressed up by them against his will) when they were younger.

-Ernesto's actually got quite a love of fashion, to match his younger siblings (other than Jethro), and a part of that is collecting fancy hats and suits. However, the turtleneck look with his top hat is definitely his favorite -- in fact, he specifically requested it become his default appearance as part of his robo-adult upgrade.

-None of the adult/teen bots have their driver's license, or even a learner's permit -- they kind of just taught themselves to drive, mostly using videos game, since their dad sure wasn't going to. Ernesto and Darrell usually drive the Boxmore trucks, and carry fake IDs when they do so. (Boxman used to make them for extra cash in college)

-Magnets are forbidden anywhere in Boxmore, with the sole exception of the few on the fridge. And even then, only Boxman's allowed to touch them -- if any of the robots try to pick one up with their metal fingers it quickly turns into a (very sticky) disaster.

-Mr Logic used to beg Gar to go easy on the other Boxbots whenever they attack, and though he didn't quite understand Logic's relationship to them he did make an effort to do so, sometimes just sending them home with a juice box instead of fighting. Logic did the same with Rad, Enid, and even KO as they were hired, to much less results sadly.

-Darrell has a bad habit of chewing on things when he's stressed out -- pens, straws, drawstrings, his fingers, etc. (And his titanium teeth make this habit quite destructive!)

-Raymond's a surprisingly big reader -- that vocabulary's gotta come from somewhere! Naturally he likes romance novels and plays, but has been looking into a number of Fink's sword-and-sorcery recommendations. In between battles he spends a lot of time sneaking off to the library, and in fact between this and a bunch of other activities he's the one that spends the most time outside the factory.

---

Care for some Boxman ones too as a bonus? -He writes in chicken scratch.  Of course. -He is actually ambidextrous -- he writes better with his human hand, and so considers himself more right-handed, but does a lot of other things better with his chicken claw. -That robot eye totally has x-ray vision.  PV needs to get some lead underwear ASAP.  On a less creepy note, he can use it to easily diagnose and repair broken robots! -Lord Boxman comes from a long line of famous joke villains, and that's why "Boxman" is used as a villain insult.  He may or may not even have a distant relation to Dr Weakpoint... -He actually is a decent chef, when he's able to focus on it.  Unfortunately, being both a supervillain CEO and a single father of 6 makes that almost impossible. -Boxy made all those sweet custom Boxmore action figures that Darrell has all over his room.  They were supposed to be for a marketing promotion that fell through. -There's still a few random junkfish still active at Boxmore, along with a few hanging out in the sewers right underneath, and the company does offer support and repairs for any customers that come in with the older models.  For the most part, though, only Boxman himself ever really deals with them.  He low-key loves seeing his old work still going strong after all these years.  

---

And...fuck it all.  Fink's an honorary Boxbot now, so why not a few for her and Venomous? -Fink doesn't build pillow forts, instead she likes to build blanket nests, and burrow in them. -Fink is absolutely that insufferable little kid who swears like a sailor and insults whatever she can over in-game chat, just to sound tough while griefing.  She also has a nasty (in more ways than one) habit of forgetting to mute her mic while eating... -PV's not a fan of videos game, but he LOVES board games!  (Boards game?)  Fink doesn’t really share his passion for them nowadays, so he’s secretly quite excited to try playing with the robots. -Fink will eat anything if you pay/dare her enough.  ANYTHING.  Though, she's a rat, so she's usually fine. -PV homeschools Fink, and she's actually a couple of grades ahead of other kids her age.  (The 'Professor' thing isn't just for show!)

[yenosiria]

i love seeing you on my dash!! your voice acting is really good, and id love to hear abt your ocs sometime!!!

Send me something nice on anon?

Putting a readmore because I couldn’t shut up.~

T-Thank you?!? I have a plethora of kiddos that I never shut up about but I hesitate to also speak about them cause I find myself annoying when I speak so much?! So uh. WHO ARE YOU?! That was so nice hhhhh. Idk maybe I’ll do audio’s of me talking about some of my kids? But if you’re interested before that I have several pieces of gifts as well as commissions on here regarding them. Plus my own writing but like hhh most of the writing is old like, jeez. 

i have some updated literature pieces on Deviant Art, mostly cause I don’t know where else to put them. Tumblr format is weird and most fic authors get uh....not very much attention regarding their work here. 

I use my characters alot of cope and connect all too closely to them in all honesty. Little pieces of me is how I usually see them. To be honest there is a list of most of their names on my Side-Everyone RP blog. 

Just so you know I stared at this message for abit with my hands clapped over my mouth just muttering, “What?” over and over and over again before forcing a breath and swooning like this but hh. I like...it was a physical recoil my dude. 

As for the voicing? Christ, I find it interesting that anyone likes the VA or audios from me in general. In all honesty? I don’t have them all posted yet cause lack of confidence. 

I might get coaxed into posting them all but that doesn’t mean I’m not nervous. 

Kinda wish my good mic still worked cause like I want the voices to pick up better. 

I mean the other reason I have trouble adding audio’s consistently is I do them in a single take since I’m uneducated in editing AND I either type a script or search for one. Like er...asking people to make requests to give me an IDEA of what I should voice. Oh and...I don’t only do two characters either. I do many from other series I enjoy, I’ve just only really posted Wilardo and Sirius. Fun fact I’ll do shit posts too. I still have an audio stashed away that I did for @incorrect-witchs-heart-quotes . I just need the courage to actually post it. Sorry for tagging you Sage, hhh. 

[jaimistoryteller]

OC/Author PrideFest Question Mess Part 1

Thanks for the tag @raevenlywrites​! I got side tracked working on a cover for a friend, so I haven’t gotten past the first two peeps for giving questions, so I get that. Anyways, here’s me answering your questions and tagging peeps. 

Rules I am going with: answer the questions you know or are comfortable sharing, tag others, add a question if you feel like something is missing. 

Note: I will be answering in three different posts, one per section, rather than all together because of how many questions there are.

Questions for you:

Introduce yourself! Tell us a little bit about you and what you write

*waves* hi folks, I’m Jaimi. I write a wide variety of stuff, everything from slice of life to fluff to angst, short stories to novels. Whatever my muse doesn’t want to shut up about. Which means I have a lot of WIPs. 

I deal with chronic pain, depression, PTSD and caring for ma since her stroke. It makes things complicated at times. 

Why do you write LGBT+ characters?

Mostly because I get tired of nothing but stories full of straight people. I realize the market is slowly changing, but change requires peeps writing them to speed it along. 

There’s also the fact I was tired of not seeing peeps like myself: nonbinary in some form and ace. 

Have you always written LGBT+ characters? If no, what inspired you to start? Is it a deliberate representational choice?

Pretty much. I got in trouble in middle school for refusing to use “it/its” for my non-binary elves and merfolk, which is when I started using “zhe/zher/zhers” by taking “he/his” and “she/her” and shifting it a bit. 

Mostly I let the characters tell me what they are, who they are, which can lead to surprises when I start out with a plan that they laugh at and refuse to go with. 

Do you use modern labels in your work? Why or why not?

It all depends on the world. In some worlds I do, in others not so much. 

World builders: do you have any neat societal twists? (unique names for IDs, different marriage practices, etc.)

Again it depends on my world. 

In @converginglives​ triads are the norm. However Polyam-v’s are also socially accepted as a norm as well. 

In Shadow’s Sight the Wayfarers practice ‘cluster marriage’ where several people will be intermarried and working on ships together. Generally the oldest married pair or triad are leaders of the ship. The Church is not a fan of the Wayfarers, but that doesn’t matter. I might end up writing a story about them before I ever get around to working on SsS since I don’t have the money to get to my notes. 

Do you write outside your own experiences? (cis writing trans, wlw writing mlm, etc.) If yes, how confident do you feel about it?

Yes, as a nonbinary ace peep pretty much everything I write has at least some elements of outside my own experiences. I do a lot of research, chatter with people, do more research, take a lot of notes, and don’t actually start writing the character until I am comfortable getting in their head. 

I’m pretty sure a big part of why I write more masculine and nonbinary peeps is I feel more of a connection to them then I do feminine peeps. 

If I listened to the ‘advice’ about only writing what’s in my lane, I wouldn’t write 98% of what I work on. 

Tell us about a favorite book/character someone else wrote that inspired you (or just plain gave you a warm and fuzzy)

Vanyel Ashkevron from The Last Herald Mage trilogy. He’s the first time I have seen a non-straight character portrayed as a hero who gets a bit of a happy ending, if not a traditional one. 

I spent my middle school and high school years using shay’a’chern (from the series) for ‘homosexual’ shortened to ‘shayche’ and used ‘gay’ in the sense of ‘happy, joyful’ which confused the daylights out of folks but it was one of those things that kept the more religious members of my family and community from realizing what the term actually meant. Avoiding issues. 

Any advice for someone else writing LGBT+ characters?

Do your research. Particularly for things that aren’t in your nature. Expect contradictions as different peeps have different experiences. There will always be someone saying “but that’s not how I have felt” while someone else will be “hey look, me!”.

Would you like people to ask you more questions when this is over?

Hell yes! Ask away! Some useful links:

Converging Lives List of Characters & Links to their Tags

Converging Lives Ask Box or Converging Lives Submit (for those with longer things to say/ask)

JaimiStoryTeller Ask Box or JaimiStoryTeller Submit  (for those with longer things to say/ask)

I often shorten those up to JST and CLV

Free space! Wax poetic about something near and dear to your heart.

I am working on a collection of short stories to be published in July collectively called Tales of Identity Volume 1. There is 12 short stories in it. I’m looking for beta and critique readers for it and trying not to feel hopeless over the lack of response for those. 

Currently February and March need readers, but so will April come morning as I finished it yesterday but want to do another reread and edit before I ask for help.

If wlw and a story about a nonbinary peep sounds interesting, hit me up. 

Questions for your Ocs (in character or out, dealer’s choice):

Say hi! Let us get to know you, you big beautiful person, you!

How do you feel about the world your author has created for you?

Are you out? To whom, why or why not, etc?

Tell us a little about your journey. Have you always IDed the way you do now? Are there parts of you you’re still figuring out?

Do you feel settled in your ID, or do you think it might change as you and your author go on?

Did your author always know you were [blank], or did you have to tell them? If yes, oh please, please tell us how! :3

Is being [blank] particularly hard in your world? How does your society treat you differently than ours might?

Tell us a little about your unique experiences with your ID. Do you experience dysphoria? Is it impossible to find a date? Just want to find that special someone for snuggles but everyone expects sex? Unload for a minute, it’s okay to struggle sometimes.

What’s the best part about being [blank] in your world?

Do you like getting fan-mail? Would you like people to ask you more questions when this is over?

Grab that mic! Drop some truth on us, something you’ve just been dying to share! Shout out to your besties!

Questions for either you or your OCs:

What’s your orientation and gender? Wave that flag!!!

When did you realize you were LGBT+?

What makes your heart melt?

Do you have a favorite LGBT+ song? Movie? Book? Artist? (comic?)

Do you have a secret crush outside of your own work? Some wild crossover OTP?

Tell us about your LGTB+ headcannons (I’d really love to see someone’s character answer this)

What’s your favorite thing about being LGBT+?

Is there a cool place you like to hang out with your squad? Maybe an LGBT+ meet up?

What are some things you do to keep positive?

Do you have any advice for young LGBT+ people?

Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

Tagging some peeps I am getting to know off the writer peeps spreadsheet so they can see my answers or do them as they feel fit.

@essagandana​ @lady-redshield-writes​ @zewrites​ @beautifulimposter25​ @hawksnbooks​ @aethryos​ @aesterea​ @ava-burton-writing​ @albotas​ @breakeven2007​ @chaos-reigns​ and @katywritesbooks​ 

Part 2 and Part 3

[ourinnergalaxy-blog]

Landmark Day 1 - Documentation

Well first things first, I guess it’s not a cult after all. Lol It is def a self-help, self-altering experience. They present the forum as a “conversation”. A lot of the time, you are asked to share your experiences with people; maybe not the whole group of 90 people, but at least with the person sitting next to you.

I started out my day being asked what I want to get out of Landmark. And I said I wanted to have a better understanding of myself because it would give me a better foundation moving forward in my life. (also, the guy I was sitting next to at that point and had to speak to had the MOST GORGEOUS HAZEL EYES AND HOLY SHIT IM SO FUCKING GAY I GOT SO LOST IN THOSE EYES. hashtag blessed) As we went on, the question came up again and I was asked to tell three people instead of just one. And without me really realizing it, I began to open up about being transgender and the way that affects my life and the way I’m living it. (At this point, I got to hear the story of a guy who made my eyes light up like Christmas lights when he casually spoke of his fiancé and how HE went to Landmark. I FOUND THE GAY. HES SO COOL AND FUN AND CUTE AND I DEF WANT TO BE HIS FRIEND FOREVER. I’d probs be trying to date him if he wasn’t already in a relationship, no lie. Ahem, anyway, it was good to find the fellow LGBTQ person in the room.)

After lunch time, I guess that’s when it clicked... they don’t really tell you what areas you need to work in on a specific level as much as they tell you that the places where you feel like you have no power, freedom, or self expression are areas where you aren’t living your life as authentically as you could be. And I found I was focusing on the fact that I felt a loss of self expression around the topic of my gender. They told us that we work things up in our head to be this big thing and we mix up our idea of what happened with the actual factual events that took place. (now, in some areas I can see this not really applying as nicely, say in the face of abuse. Like, yeah maybe your idea of what happened is different than the actual happening, but that still has lasting effects that aren’t something that’ll just be better by being more aware that we’re seeing things in a different way than they truly are.) But on the topic of being trans and not correcting people on my name and pronouns out of fear and spite, it fit pretty neatly.

People stood up in front of the group and shared their stories. Willingly, mind you. And soon I found I wanted to be one of them. And I actually did. I actually got up and I shared my story. I told a group of strangers (who could have all been transphobes for all I know) that I am a trans guy and I’m not living my life the way I should be because I haven’t been honest about who I am. I told them that my not being honest has caused my interactions with the people I love to feel false and disconnected because I was allowing them to use the wrong name and wrong words for me. I was trembling the whole time. From the moment I stood up and went to that mic, in front of all those people... my body would not stop shaking. People had shared stories of loss, and unfulfillment, potential divorce, etc... and here I was complaining about not being seen as a boy. And these people! These people who had shared their tales of misery all looked at me with concern evident on their faces. They looked worried. Shocked. Saddened. I hated it. I hated that feeling that I was being pitied. I didn’t want to be pitied. I wanted to... I don’t know what I wanted! I don’t know what I expected! It made my eyes hot with tears I could only barely hold back. It made me shake more and more. I stopped looking at them eventually. I couldn’t look at them. The forum leader told me to create a new possibility for myself and my life. What could I do now, now that I’ve opened myself up to all this stuff. And my answer was the same as many answers: being open and honest. With myself and with others. And soon enough, I was free to return to my seat and the shaking stopped soon after. We moved on and spoke to the next gentleman.

Afterwards, people sought me out. They introduced themselves as they shook my hand and told me how brave I was, or how inspiring I was, or how well I did. I got pats on the back, hugs, fist bumps, a supportive hand on the shoulder. I just... I mean, I didn’t do it to be an inspiration. I didn’t because I felt I needed to, in a way. I needed to practice being open and honest in front of these strangers before I could be that with my family. Like, literally there was a woman who shared her experience having three miscarriages. And people were telling me I was brave? THAT WOMAN HERSELF CAME TO ME AND SAID I WAS BRAVE! I couldn’t believe my ears. It didn’t feel brave when my body wouldn’t stop trembling. It didn’t feel brave as I was slowly walked through to the answers I had to find for myself (though, sometimes I feel like they try to lead you to results that aren’t necessarily true for you personally at times, and I had to kind of stress to the forum leader that there wasn’t another “and...?”) It didn’t feel brave to spill my baggage on a bunch of strangers and then refuse to meet their gazes. But here these people were, moved so much that they had to seek me out in he crowd to tell me. Heck, I even have a lunch scheduled with an older woman tomorrow because she said she wanted to have time to sit with me and talk! Also... the forum leader told me I needed to make a call to my parents to address this.

I did, mostly because I knew I’d only give myself room to talk myself out of it if I didn’t. I called my dad. Told him I’m his son (it still feels weird to say). He didn’t freak out or get upset. He was actually open and receptive, and told me we’d have to discuss this more so everyone could be on the same page as far as how to address me moving forward. He told me he still loves me, and that I’ll always be have an important role in the family as the first born.

I talked to my mom in person afterwards. Since the conversation didn’t have as much of a time limit since the day was done, i got to be more thorough. About what my plans are for my self and my body. That I still like guys so I’m basically going from being a straight girl to being a gay guy (well, in their eyes; also this doesn’t address my attraction to some women and non-binary people, but I’m trying to keep things LGBTQ 101 for my folks right now). I told her I want to be seen as her son and be called he and him, rather than she/her. She was also receptive and open, though she has a difficult time letting go of “Well how do you know?” and the “Why?”. But I calmly explained that it doesn’t matter why, and that it feels wrong to be called a girl vs feeling right being called a guy.

I didn’t go into how I feel like non-binary guy is a more accurate way of looking at it, but again, that’s advanced LGBTQ material and not something I want to split hairs with when I know it’ll only make this transition harder on us all.

But idk... I’m in bed now, and I just wanted to get this all down before I go back tomorrow and have way too much on my mind to get it all down. They gave us a lot of buzz words: transformation, possibility, the “Story we Tell ourselves vs “What Actually Happened”, “Already/Always Listening, and Rackets. A bunch of stuff that sounds like junk when you hear it. And maybe it is junk. Idk. But I guess it makes sense... Obviously I’m not really digging into the total thing as to what these all mean in context but that’s mostly cuz I’m tired and I have to get up early. But they say today was the hardest part and tomorrow we get to take more control of the conversation and that the dots should start connecting. So, I’m not dreading it like I was dreading coming this morning. I’m not excited (other than to see my brand new gay friend who is an absolute PEACH AND ID FIGHT ANYONE FOR HIM IF I HAD TO) but I’m not fearful.

I feel like I’m still in charge of certain areas of my life; areas I feel need to be worked through in long term therapy, rather than mental boot camp. But I feel I’m willing to make this transformation in my general social, financial, and career areas of my life. I don’t feel brainwashed yet, so that’s good. I still question things, and I’m not about to just go forgive my father for the shot he put me through (especially since I don’t even think he realizes how much he fucked me up). But I’m open to seeing brand new possibilities in other important areas.

Woo hoo, I guess. This probably makes little sense to anyone who’s never taken the Landmark course. But this is for me mostly. Lol Well this whole blog is, really.