#just pure drek

[laineystein]

After a day of discussing the who is and isn’t a Jew I feel like I need to comment on this whole Rudy Rochman fiasco: Rudy has done great things for Jewish youth. That being said, lately his talking points are problematic and he’s becoming more and more unhinged. Today his discourse regarding BHI is downright dangerous. His language all but agrees with the replacement theory. I don’t know what he’s trying to do but sitting down with the other side when the other side wants to kill you, is not promoting peace. It’s stupidity and again, dangerous. And it’s concerning that someone with so much clout and influence is literally spouting the same antisemitic bullshit he originally built his platform fighting.

I share because I know there are younger Jews that follow me and I don’t think many will say what needs to be said about this. Rudy Rochman is espousing BHI ideology months after he essentially said Jews were partially to blame for the Shoah. Please be careful when listening to the ideas he promotes.

[randomthefox]

Idw feels like some kind of test to see if Sonic fans will really worship anything no matter terrible it is purely on the basis that it was not made by sonic team

Honestly if they revealed it was some kind of prolonged practical joke all along just to see what kind of drek these people will happily swallow in their sheer blind hatedom, I would absolutely believe it.

[spinningbuster98]

Ratchet & Clank Part 1: In a galaxy far,far away...

Ok disclaimer: I am not a long time Ratchet & Clank fan, in fact I only got into the games roughly a year ago and even then it’s only the PS2 games since I have no means to play the rest. So I can’t claim to be an expert at these games. Regardless I quite enjoyed my time with them so I figured I’d make some videos on them

So what’s Ratchet & Clank all about? Well when it comes to the original game I should be clear that many of the things I’ll say about this one will not necessarily always apply to the other games.

Ratchet 1 is a game I like to compare to Sonic 1: both games created the fundamental aspects of each series but they also play pretty differently than later games. Much like how Sonic 1 plays more like a traditional 2D platformer that just happens to go fast every so often, Ratchet 1 plays less like the fast paced, high octane run and gun platformers that are the later Ratchet games, and more like a typical 3D collectathon platformer that happens to have some measure of gun play, though perhaps it’ll be best to explain that aspect better at a later time

So how do levels work here? Well typically you land on a planet and each planet features multiple sections or “obstacle courses” as I like to call them. Think of them as seperate levels all connected by a common hub area, once you pick a path you’ll follow it until you reach its end where the game will always provide you with some form of shortcut to the initial area so you can go choose another path.

At the end of each “course” you’ll generally find either a weapon, a gadget you’ll need to progress through the game or an Infobot containing the coordinates to another planet

Finding each major objective is no biggie because they’re clearly marked on the map as question marks, the focus is more on the challenges you’ll face along the way. I’ll just say that Ratchet 1 has by far the most thought out level design of the PS2 games mainly due to its heavy emphasis on pure platforming, and it can certainly get pretty varied, especially with the environments due to the whole planet switching stuff. I like to think of it as Metroid Prime 3 but cartoony and with furries and with anti-capitalist satire.

Bolts are really important as they act as currency here. You can find them lying around, dropped by dead enemies and inside crates ripped straight out of Crash Bandicoot. Always try to get as many bolts as you can, not just because you’ll need them to buy new weapons but also because well....let’s just say this game is very good at emptying your wallet and leave it at that for now

In the meantime please jam to Planet Veldin’s theme!

(Also that’s Clancy Brown voicing Chairman Drek, aka Dr.Cortex’s old voice. He kinda steals the show a bit)

[cypress-punk]

There are many reasons I find it hard to invest my time and energy into TTRPGs anymore. Chief among them is the fact I have much more limited time and energy these days and no longer have any chance of meeting in person with the people I like to play with regularly enough to make face to face games possible and often even scheduling online games is a nightmare that is difficult to sustain long term.

The other thing that killed it for me is the culture of TTRPGs online. On one hand you have the DND suffocated monoculture that is TTRPGs in most quarters where ad nauseum conversations about DND occur that make me feel like I'm going insane as people regurgitate the very specific things that only get said about dnd. Some of this is actually just passing down useful advice. Much more of it drek, pure noise without signal or meaning. In either case the repetition makes it untenable to me at this point.

The other hand is the part of the space that is not DND and is full of people who nonetheless talk a lot about DND and how much they don't like it. And while they are almost always right to say these things it does dishearten me that they basically say the same things again and again in cycles and those things are always about DND. I can only read so many posts about the inherent racism of DND or the myriad gaping flaws in its design before they just begin to repeat themselves and its stuff I've already seen and already know and already understand. Repetitive, and worse, focused solely on DND. The monoculture consumes the whole space no matter where in the space you try to be. It feels stifling and stagnant. There isn't really much talk of other systems besides an occasional designer highlighting their new game. Everything is muffled and obscured by the shadow DND casts. It annoys the shit out of me and further kills my joy for the medium.

There was a time when I was younger where I wasn't involved in these spaces very much at all, I just read a lot of TTRPGs and played them with my friends and that was nice. That was i. Highschool and college and as already mentioned I no longer have time to make playing regularly possible and i spend my time and money on other things so I dont read new games as often. So I've lost the connection to actual practice and experience that I enjoyed and have mostly replaced it with the social media space noise around the hobby and that is really killing any joy for the medium. I think I need to unplug from the social media side of things and just hear less about TTRPGs for my own sake since its a hobby I'm kind of already retreating from in favor of other hobbies that I actually have time for.

Its just hard to come to terms with that when I really loved and spent a lot of time in these spaces playing these games or at least reading and appreciating them as works of art and design. I love TTRPGs a lot, I just don't have the time for them i want to have and the kind of community engagement I can find on the social media sites I still use isn't the sort thats doing that love any favors. Its also just hard to come to that conclusion when "constant consumption" is the mode social media is built to program you for so the idea of just not hearing about a thing constantly and engaging with it constantly is alien to how you're trained to use these sites.

Also please don't read this and try to argue with me about what I've said. This is mostly a rambling attempt to put my thoughts somewhere other than my head and make sense of a personal problem I'm having with the medium.

[writer59january13]

Defecation accidentally clogged...

for the umpteenth time during spate to sit scrawny buttucks on porcelain throne id est videre licet toilet bowl... with toxic water brew threatening

to overflow onto the floor, and hence found yours truly (me) immersing himself in the holistic experience for the pure love of bucket flushing since applying plunger to no avail

found me able, eager, ready and willing

to whoosh upon a star to enlist the entrepreneurial daring doo doo of eldest offspring to design a *corkerasp,

and found (me) zee papa frankly zapped, pooped, fatigued, et cetera out,

thus daring poster boy afflicted by recurrent bouts of constipation

to share embarrassing communiqué I post,

a reasonably rhyming poetic shout out

to air flatulent grievances

concerning outsize bowel movement hoping (fat/slim shady chance)

Mike Rowe happens tubby about,

though shadow of a doubt,

he will avail himself

anal eyes zing thee nightly dump for yesterday

September 2nd, 2024 - whereby

plying plunger in vain, cuz suction

barely helped obstruction give way,

I nearly lost me life and limb oy vey

oh my dog, the same asinine outcome

which spurred poet to get underway

matter of fact, a replay

of excretion almost occurred earlier today,

and thus an attempt to describe

a tragicomic scenario

regarding bowel movement

the size of subway tram,

an urgent message to maintenance person, yours truly must relay

overflowing potty nearly

found yours truly quay

king, yet impossible mission

arises to portray

with unsightly turgid prose and cons of situation,

the juvenile elements of harried style

swiftly tailored, I hate to overplay

odoriferous subject matter

nsync with constipation

since laxative delineates,

expedites, facilitates,... née

posits heavy load emanating out rectum

quite amazing what smelly waste exits out me

necessitating able linkedin line

O Captain! My Captain!

I signal emergency mayday

posterior end, a dime size orifice,

which malfunctioning sphincter muscles

one moost never be lackaday sic cull

though kids and adults laughed back in the day,

if and/or when Danny Kaye

tactfully poked fun including that girl at such critical bodily phenomenon

equally important as a jackstay

to keep afloat body electric

accursed with rectum ammunition auxiliary accouterments interplay

analogously precise as Swiss made timepiece

said system responsible to expel bodily toxins

upon which sitting on porcelain throne

one can softly utter hooray

thankful to experience relative pleasure

until one becomes feeble minded,

whereat sixty plus shades of gray

matter allows, enables, and

provides enjoyably foray

into the bathroom, which entranceway

hoop fully not barred nor off limits

cuz that primitive urge one best not delay

lest one requires lower

gastrointestinal intervention

especially if blocked up

fecal matter which turns to clay

unless of course one doth

cause damage and betray

respect toward well oiled human machine

exercising and eating healthy

avoiding backside skeleton musculature issues,

yes... I reckon during twilight years

control over bowels doth slip away.

*The Essence Of A Corkerasp.

(which fictitious object contrived by my then twenty plus year old third year college student, (who will turn twenty eight on December twenty second),, but SHE would never admit to birthing such an offal bit of drek. The essential name arose from preschool, predicated, precocious person, and the words....?

Whenever constipation a pain in the ass

just maneuver this lightweight metal contrivance made of brass

no matter if anybody considers this action crass

apply corkscrew motion

up the alimentary canal to remove human waste,

which most likely will be thick like petrified paste

stuck deep inside bowels of sphincter muscles

and solidly encased

causing severe cramps within lower gastrointestinal tract

inducing one to wince nonstop from being fecal matter packed

and no amount of primal groaning doth loose this hard fact,

nor does imagery of freed turd

ease formidable anal plight, no laughing matter despite how absurd

squeezing does nothing even applying all inner might,

thus necessary to incorporate

un-natural intervention to un-clog

rectal blockage + uncomfortable bloating

swelling anus the size of a hog

disabling bare derriere

ease to stand let alone jog,

yet tis essential per extricating what feels

like one swallowed a log,

which could presage demise of sufferer, whereby epitaph

twill induce impossible eulogy spoken language

where tongues wag in Prague

every ounce of effort required to bend

over gingerly affixing plunger end of device

to business of rear end

best accompanied in tandem with close companion or friend

this dirty deed done dirt-cheap trick will ideally rend

rock solid excrement to roll and crash

(on par traversing highway to hell) soundcloud, I

without fail regularly out the tushy send

upon bathroom floor

possibly inducing tsunami seismic waves less or more,

whereby toilet bowl water will pour

over the sides akin to white caps near sea shore

without doubt making gluteus maximums extremely sore.

[barbwritesstuff]

So... Chunk Wendig posted a flash fiction challenge on his blog this morning. I thought I'd give it a try.

The following story is inspired by this image. I hope you like it.

I open my eyes... and stare.

Beside me Drekavac the Devourer, infernal be his name, immortal scourge of the realms both the living and the dead, rubs awkwardly at one of his many necks. “So?” he asks. “What do you think?”

“It’s... a bone door,” I say slowly.

He nods. “Yes.”

“A blood soaked bone door,” I say, a little less slowly this time.

Another nod. “Ah-huh. Yes. That’s right.”

Okay. He doesn’t see it. How can he not see it? I need to be tactful here. “Isn’t it a little... on the nose?” I try.

“Oh no,” he shakes his largest head, horns almost knocking out the low hanging light fitting. “It’s pure bone. No cartilage. See this fine lattice here? That’s reworked femur. And here? These arches? That’s clavicle. Very delicate work. It cost me a fortune.”

“I don’t think you’re seeing the problem here,” I say as gently as I can.

Every one of his faces frowns. “Problem?”

“You’re a demon.”

His frowns deepen. “Eh... yeah. Are we stating the obvious today?”

“I’m just saying. You’re a demon... and you have a magic door.”

“Dude. Where are you going with this?”

I hold up my appendages. “Just, stop me when you see the problem. You’re a demon with a magic door that can appear anywhere in the human realm. If humans walk through that door, they’re yours to torture for eternity, right?”

He shrugs. “Mostly I just devour their souls. I’m a devourer. It’s kind of my thing.”

I nod. “Yes. Devouring. Of course. But the thing is, you want people to walk through this door, yes?”

Another shrug. “Obviously.”

“Okay. Good. Do me a favour, imagine you’re a human and look at this door again.”

He looks at the door and then back at me. “I don’t follow.”

“It’s a blood soaked bone door, Drek.”

Another look at the door and back to me. “So?”

“A bone door.”

“And?”

“For the love of Lucy,” I say in a calm and orderly manner. “You have a literal beating heart where the knocker should be. The doorbell is a screaming face. A screaming face, Drek.”

He’s avoiding eye contact now. All of his heads stare sullenly off in different directions. “If you don’t like it you can just say. You don’t have to shout.”

This isn’t going well. “It’s not that I don’t like it, Drek. I just don’t think it’s fit for purpose. You’re trying to attract humans, not send them running for the hills.”

“But... the craftsmanship. Surely even a human would—”

“It’s. A. Bone. Door.”

His arms cross. “Well, what would you suggest?”

“I dunno. Maybe something a little more inviting? A nice wooden door with—”

His heads snap back around to stare at me in horror. “I’m sorry, did you just say wooden to me?”

Here we go. “Don’t be so dramatic. I just think—”

“You want me to replace this expertly crafted masterpiece with a cheap bit of wood?”

“I’m not dying the craftsmanship is excellent. I just think—”

“What’s next? A Christmas wreath? A welcome matt?”

“Well... actually... Those are not bad ideas.”

His heads gasp in chorus. A few even turn to gape at each other in a frankly ridiculous display of shock. “And you call yourself an unspeakable horror.”

“No,” I say, perhaps a little less calmly this time. “Humans call me that. I call myself `̷̢̧̞̫̫͉͚̞̩̰͙̫͙̯̦̞̥̯̩̼̱̩͍̯͕̙̹̖̼̞͇̝͔̦͕͇̠̣͍̻̳̈́͌̈́̇̂̒̔͒͜��:̶̡̢̨̢̛̦͉͎̟͚̦̫͕̳͍͎̗͎͈͚̰͕̳̬̼̯̩͚̯̠̺̬͖̳͍̠͔̏͋͑͛̋͌̎̓̿͊̿̄̒̇̉̈́͊̂͗̾̄͆̀̌̉̿̈͊̒́̂͐̀̚̕͘̚͝'̷̢̖̹̖̱̬̮̙̪̝͙̳͓̥͔̹͔̺̦̫͎̜̩̬͈̲̽̏̍͑͊͛̄̎̈́́̑̏̓̎̕̕ͅ,̶̡̧̨̨̨̛̛̣͔̗͖̱̣̬̘͍̻̲̦̥̫̰̤̗̬̩͈̻͇̜̀̓͊̀̎͐̆͛̋͑̀̀̀̃͂̌̈́̃̓̈́̀͋͆́̾͘̕͠͝͠ͅ.̵̢̲̪̳̬͙͖̲̫̞͓̭̥̠̭̦̥̦̤̟̞̗̤̰̼̝͇͙̥̪̩̽͒͐͗̓̕��ͅ~̷̡̧̠̖̝̫̦͔̥̮̻̤̣̟̮͎̩̥̟̥̮̥̳̪̙̟͙͈̰̭̤͗͊̿̍͐̓̓͒͗̃̾̉́͗̑̄̈́͜͠.̷̡̢̢̧̧̤͓͔͙͚̥̞̹̰͚̜̤͓̼̥͈͈͍͚̲̬̪̮͇̘͈͓̌̿͌͂̅̃̇̇̈́̇̂̄̋̍̍̅͊̃̿̑̀̆̉̆͊͛͛́̄͑̒͂̀̆̀̄̕͘̕̚̚͘̕͝͝ͅ.̴̢͇̪̼̹͚̻͈͉͙̫͉̝̘̹͇͚̦̣̜̇͒͐͂́̏̈̀̀̆̕͠;̷̡̛̳͍̳͚̼̯̬͕̣̠͙͓͖̩͇̦̰̇͂̒̽͛́̈́͛̂͛͋̽̋͑̊̇̄̿̓̋̉̎̐̋̑͛̑͒̅̄̽̈̊̔͒̑͋̿̕̚̕͘̚͘̕͠͝͠{̴̧̼̱̯̜̺̗̣̬̹̳̖̱̩̦͈͈̘̻͕̖͕̬̞̻̫͍̭͖͚̬͙̪͈͚̈́̓͂̈̐̓̄͜͜͠]̷̞͈̣̯̤̖̫̹̰̟͉̻̭̲̟̞̯̈́́̌̌̈́͋̈́͑̈̑̐̈́͌͗͗̀͊͛̏͝͠ But that’s beside the point.”

“What’s the point then?” he says in a tone that is entirely uncalled for. “Oh yes. That’s right. You don’t like my door.”

“You’re taking this too personally, Drek. I’m just saying—”

“No. Actually. I think the truth is you’re jealous of my door. That’s right, isn’t it? You’re jealous.”

“Envious,” I snap back. “The word you’re looking for is envious, not jealous. You’re a demon, how do you not know this?”

“Oh I’m sorry, I’m not the demon of correcting someone even when meaning was clearly conveyed.”

“Is there a demon for that?”

“Of course there is a demon for that! Her name is Stacy! She lives in the 9th circle!”

The room lapses into a sudden, suffocating silence. He glares at me. I glare back at him. And why shouldn’t I? He’s being wholly unfair. I’m just trying to be helpful. The door is beautiful, sure. Some might even call it a masterpiece. But no matter how finely woven the bone, or how artistic the blood stain, it’s not in the least bit practical. I mean, a beating heart? Come on.

But, on the other appendage, he was excited to show me, and maybe I did yell, just a bit.

I sigh. “Look. Drekavac. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. I just think a door like this isn’t going to—”

“No,” he deflates, his heads all bowing down. “I’m sorry. You’re right. I just got carried away. I’ve never bought something just for me, you know. I’ve always just got what’s the cheapest, or the most practical. It’s never something I really want, you know? And then I saw the bone smith and I just—”

“It is a very nice door.”

He smiles sadly at the floor. “Do you think I can get a refund?”

No. “Maybe if you explain th—”

The door opens.

We both stare.

A human stands there. A real, honest to devil, human. It’s wearing a baggy t-shirt, ripped jeans, and a remarkably white pair of shoes.

“Hey,” it says.

“Hi,” I say back.

“Don’t say ‘hi’,” Drek hisses.

“I’m sorry. It was a reflex.”

“A reflex? What kind of abomination—”

“I said sorry.”

“So... eh...” the human leans into the room and looks around. “Is this like... an art exhibition or something?”

“Art exhibition?” Drek echoes.

“Yeah. Like... I saw the door and it looked really cool. All spooky and shit. And now you guys are here. Cool costumes by the way. Is there a camera somewhere? Am I being recorded? I totally consent, if I am. My insta is—”

“Come inside,” Drek says.

Remarkably, the human does. It doesn’t stop talking.

Every one of Drek’s heads are grinning a smug little grin.

I cross my appendages. “It’s an ugly door,” I hiss.

“Jealous,” he whispers.

“Just... devour your soul... or whatever.”

“Do you want me to send you the bone smith’s address?”

“No,” I say in a very measured way. “Why would I want that?”

He shrugs. “Just asking.”

Sometimes, it must be noted, demons can be really quite annoying.

[assassyart]

Me again. Just curious. What did you think of the 2016 Ratchet & Clank movie? Assuming you’ve seen it I mean. I haven’t.

Ratchet & Clank: The Movie (2016) was one of the most disappointing turn of events that the series could go to. Looking back on the movie as a whole, it's completely filled to the brim with cringe and pandering.

To start off, I want to say that you are allowed to like this movie. But as a fan of the series since the beginning, and seeing how the existence of this movie alone spurred so many arguments in and outside the community, I have nothing but pure hatred for this film. Now let's get started.

This movie is not about Ratchet or Clank. This movie is about Captain Qwark and the two side characters that are hogging his screentime. I expected there to be a lot wrong with this movie when I went to see it in theatres, but Captain Qwark being the center focus is definitely not what I was expecting.

Captain Qwark poses as the main character in a movie that definitely shouldn't be about him, Drek is an insult to the original character, and Dr. Nefarious ruins the entire film which is actually impressive since Nefarious's presence alone usually makes everything better. You know the film is bad when not even Nefarious could fix it.

The new characters— Cora, Brax, Elaris, Zed, and Grimroth— are basic and nothing special. The only character added that fans seem to have latched onto it Elaris, but the rest are clear stereotypes and have nothing remotely interesting about them. Besides the fact Cora clearly has a Tachyon symbol on her forehead but the movie completely ignores that and she shows no animosity towards Ratchet. The voice acting is also atrocious from certain characters, Cora being the worst offender for me.

The story is laughable. It doesn't take a genius to realize that the writers of the games are not the same writers of this movie. The message about capitalism being the major cause of pollution because destroying the planet gives the hungry rich man more money was decided to be simply not interesting enough. So they threw away the original story for Dr. Nefarious Being Evil For The Sake Of Being Evil. A disgrace to Ratchet & Clank 2002's story that would apply to today's climate more than ever.

Ratchet and Clank themselves are extremely bare bones. Ratchet is unrecognizable, a shell of his former self. The famous Ratchet wit is completely lost on this character in exchange for an upbeat, super cheery fanboy pretending to be the Lombax we know and love. Because of this, Ratchet and Clank never argue and never actually develop to be friends. Clank spends more time buddying up with Elaris than he does with the supposed main lead.

I haven't even mentioned that in the original, Ratchet was the one to suspect foul play with Qwark, while in this movie, they changed it to Clank being the one to suspect it. Because no matter what game it is, Ratchet must be in the wrong.

There was one (1) moment Ratchet and Clank shared that I enjoyed, which would be the scene where both are in the ship and connected by the fact both crashlanded on Veldin without a name. That's it.

In spite of this, there was some good that came from this movie, and that would be the 2016 game. Do I like this game? Not at all, I hate it actually. Buuuuut it introduced a lot of cool people into this franchise, and for that, I do respect this game.

[keytextsfromkh]

Hazbin Hotel First Reaction

Ok, I was talking to a friend about this video and I decided to check it out mostly because it has a dark, gothic vibe going for it despite my fears that it’ll be this namby-pamby shit that tends to be geared towards Millennials just with a darker bent and of course, as I was watching it, I couldn’t help writing down notes and so I thought I’d share the notes on here, just for fun.

- I will say this though, some of the designs are pretty cool, like the more demonic looking ones - It's a musical. But it's one of those "Glee" style musicals where it's all about being peppy and shit rather than trying to set a mood. Like imagine if you took the happy song in a Disney movie and made that every song in a Disney movie - "Just puppy dog kisses and cotton candy dreams"....yep, this is Tumblr alright

-Ok, I can't deny it, there are good moments here. The animation can be fucking awesome at times and some line deliveries are really funny.

- Ok, so this is meant to be Hell, so everything is meant to be corrupted and shit. At one point, a porn star gets mentioned and we see one of the title cards for one of the films they're in called "Well, Ok" but right underneath it has 18+ and it's like, there was an opening there for a really funny (if really dark) joke. It's Hell, it's meant to be twisted and fucked up, so why not have it be "18-" - Besides, if it's Hell and everything is meant to be amoral, why bother putting that 18+ thing in there to begin with

...Well, it was definitely made within the last year or so. When you have a character say "Was that meant to be sexist or racist?", you know it was made quite recently. - Well, I have a favourite character - Imagine Grelle from Black Butler but with like 1000 times more charm and awesomeness - YEP, THE RADIO DEMON IS MY FUCKING FAVOURITE CHARACTER RIGHT HERE - Jesus Fucking Christ, the mere presence of this guy has made this thing so much better. The animation used to describe is backstory is awesome.

- If this ever became a tv show, I want this guy to be the Bill Cipher/Toffee of the show.

- At least now I know why any video that has “Let’s Misbehave” playing will have comments regarding this video on it.

- I swear to fuck, every second this guy is on screen is just pure creepy awesomeness. It’s like, this is clearly where all the motivation went.

- Ok, that reaction shot to “I can suck your dick” was fucking on-point. Now that is good comic timing.

- Oh goodie, Mabel/Webby/Star Butterfly is here. Can’t be a cartoon of the 2010s without that character.

- I like bat/gremlin/whatever the fuck it is. Can’t have too many characters who just say fuck a lot.

- Ok. How the fuck did this thing turn from nice looking shit to just so many different flavours of awesome in the last 10 minutes, it’s like I don’t know if it was intentional to make everything up until that point look like standard modern cartoon drek and then just subvert the ever-loving piss out of it but if it was then well done and if it wasn’t, well at least the radio demon is cool.

- My issues with it are the issues I tend to have with a lot of fiction being made today where it comes across as too quirky and whacky at times and there’s the standard jokes about things being “problematic” and as I mentioned, lines about things being sexist, racist and there was even a line at the beginning like “I don’t touch the gays” which just feels like a quick and easy way of setting up this character as a hateful bitch without much trouble. The animation is good when it gets dark and angular, very gothic, love it. However, where I feel it falls flat is when it’s not that kind of animation and it all just looks like Tim Burton directed an episode of Star Vs. The Forces of Evil. All the animation that went into the Radio Demon, just him as a character, his backstory, everything, that was excellent and I would love to see more of that.

- If I were to offer anything in the way of what could improve on it, it needs to be darker with its comedy, like just uncomfortable, black humour like you might see in a darker South Park episode. It’s set in Hell and it’s clearly aimed at adults so just go balls to the wall with it.

[medicinemane]

So here's the thing, I actually think most people are reasonable smart, which is why it confuses and frustrates me how total trash makes a killing and I'm just left wondering why

Take the Lion King remake... why see it? Why even bother to see it? You know it won't be very good, it'll be alright at best, you literally can just go watch the original Lion King... why did it make so much money?

You look at games you can get on your phone, and it's like... this is garbage. This is just pure shit, 99% of it is just shovelware. People will be like "oh it's for kids", but like... I liked things to be good when I was a kid, I didn't want just literally awful drek

Like I don't like fortnite, but I can admit that it's at least competent and while I don't like a lot of stuff about it for various reasons (such as the monetization model) and while I wish it hadn't gotten big, I can at least get it. So we're not just talking things I don't like here. We're specifically talking about things that are just pure trash

I don't get it because people just eat it up, and I'll see people who I don't think are stupid just acting like idiots about certain media where they'll be like "sure, it's not great but like... it's something to do" and it's like... that's the price of a movie ticket which isn't cheap these days, and even more it's your time. You literally could just go back and watch something you actually like instead of doing this

I just don't get it, I really don't. Some things I don't like I act least get, but just gobbling up all the laziest trash... that one I don't get. Like at least hold out for well made trash

[emeraldnebula]

Thoughts on the comic book industry, Part 5

In my last rant about the state of the comic book industry, I talked about how completely out of touch the Big 2 publishers are with reality, both creatively and politically. And naturally, it's going to beg the question: "Why not support other publishers?"

It's not an invalid question on its face. But it is a very difficult question to answer, because of the way the industry has changed over the last 26 years. Again, the Big 2 are acting like it's still 1992-1993, when the industry was at its peak thanks to the '90s comic book boom. And at that time, the industry had expanded to such a point that smaller publishers were growing in prominence and new publishers were showing up in droves. But over the last two decades, the industry has massively atrophied, with many smaller publishers dying out, distribution channels shrinking to a monopoly benefitting DC and Marvel, entry into the industry perversely becoming harder at a time when digital media should be leveling the playing field, and the remaining other publishers making their living on wares that have a limited shelf life.

Simply put, it's not so easy to ignore DC and Marvel when the current comics market doesn't allow for any true competition to emerge.

Let's go back to the early '90s and see what was going on at the time. DC and Marvel were obviously still the market leaders. But you also had Image, founded by several of Marvel's biggest and most popular artists, launching their own creator-owned properties and making a huge splash based on star power alone. You had Valiant, founded by former Marvel editor Jim Shooter, which relaunched several vintage comic book properties in addition to their own, more modern superhero/vigilante books. You had Dark Horse Comics, which made its name with both high-profile creator-owned material (Hellboy, Sin City, The Mask), classic mnaga books, and high-end licensed comics (The Shadow, Star Wars, Indiana Jones, Alien, Predator). You had Topps Comics, which did licensed books like Zorro (and its spinoff Lady Rawhide) and Bram Stoker's Dracula. You had Defiant, another Jim Shooter company. You had Malibu, a superhero-themed outfit that eventually became a Marvel brand. You had special imprints from the major publishers, like DC's Vertigo, Helix, and Paradox Press and Rob Liefeld's Maximum Press. You had Fantagraphics doing everything from classics like Usagi Yojimbo to off-the-cuff indie material. You had Penthouse, of all people, launching their own comics line that included fully-painted adaptations of Bible stories. And tons and tons of indie publishers were available, with long-standing cult books like Zen: Intergalactic Ninja getting new attention (and movie deals, too).

There was a lot to choose from at the time, and much of that was due to their being a big range of distributors. I recall one of my all-time favorite catalogs, Advance Comics, whose parent company used to be my local comic shops' distributor of choice until 1996 or so. Every issue of that catalog was like a comic book adventure in its own right, because there was so much to see, so much that I was unaware of previously. The comic book industry at that time was so much bigger than I could have imagined, and to see it all brought together in one monthly catalog with news articles was always a treat. And because there were still a lot of distributors to work with at the time, the barrier for entry to the comics industry was wide open for anyone who had the talent...and admittedly, for some who probably shouldn't have been let in. One of Wizard Magazine's Top 20 best-selling comics of 1994 was Double Impact, an indie comic ripoff of Andy Sidaris' tits-and-guns flicks. So yeah, there was definitely some drek that slipped thru the cracks. But that aside, the state of the industry was that of a wide playing field where anybody and everybody could be part of it.

But to the surprise of absolutely nobody, the greed of the Big 2 was what brought it all crashing down. Marvel was at a high at the time not just because they were a breeding ground for the hottest artists in the industry, but because they had the #1 comic book franchise in the world: the X-Men books were always Top 10 sellers. So they not only bought their own toy company (Toy Biz), but they also bought their own distributor – Heroes' World – and went exclusive thru them. Not to be outdone, DC went exclusive thru Diamond not long afterward. This obviously impacted the other distributors, who now had to deal with losing a ton of business as a consequence. Gradually, the other larger publishers joined up with Diamond as well, killing off all the other distributors completely. And when Marvel suffered financial problems near the end of the '90s, they too joined up with Diamond.

Thus we ended up with the distribution monopoly we have now, and it was a sad thing to see play out. Not only was it a shame to see things like Advance Comics slowly lose more and more content before finally being snuffed out, but it also led to (a) comic book fans and shops having to deal with a single distributor they had problems with and (b) a greatly increased barrier for entry into the industry. If you don't get into Diamond's Previews catalog, you're screwed. And in an age where digital media dominates, for the comic book industry to be so closed off not only limits your choices for what's available, but it also cuts off any real chance for there to be legitimate challengers to DC and Marvel.

Again, let's look at what's changed between 1992-1993 and 2018. Image, which initially looked to be a real competitor to the Big 2, has splintered and shrunken. Jim Lee sold out his portion of the company to DC (and is currently helping to run DC into the muck), several of its artists have returned to DC and Marvel, Todd McFarlane doesn't draw anymore, and the properties it was hyping so hard died out with the '90s. (Seriously, does anyone even remember Spawn anymore, much less care about it?) Most of Image's output now is small creator-owned projects, with The Walking Dead being known far more for its TV incarnation than for the comic it originally was. Dark Horse lost many of its licensed properites to Disney-Marvel as a result of Disney acquiring Lucasfilm and the 20th Century Fox library, and many of its big creator-owned properties have ended. It's a shadow of what it once was. Valiant got bought out by Acclaim Entertainment and suffered financial issues that shuttered it for years, and has only been making a comeback in recent times. Malibu got shut down after Marvel bought it out. DC shut down all of their imprints besides Vertigo, which went from being one of their crown jewels to being a non-entity. Topps, Warren, Defiant, NOW Comics, Maximum Press, Awesome Entertainment, and countless other publishers have bitten the dust over the years. CrossGen, the Florida-based publisher that tried to take on DC and Marvel in the early 2000s, died a swift death a few years later and got bought out by Disney (and their artists picked up by Marvel). Really, the only publishers of note that have shown any real endurance are three fairly recent ones: Zenoscope, Dynamite and IDW. Beyond that, it's gotten much, much harder for new companies to get any traction or really develop into powerhouses in the current market.

It should also be mentioned that companies like Zenoscope, IDW, and Dynamite are getting by in large part by emulating what made Dark Horse such a force in the '90s. Creator-owned material. Licensed comics. And in Zenoscope's case, reinventions of public domain fairy tales. All of this is well and good in and of itself, but it's not really the stuff of major players in today's market. Don't get me wrong: properties like Star Trek, He-Man (currently split between DC and Dark Horse), Transformers, GI Joe, My Little Pony, Flash Gordon, The Shadow, The Lone Ranger, Zorro, and The Green Hornet are deservedly iconic and long-lived, and I'm all in favor of them being comic book staples. But those properties frequently go into periods of hibernation from version to version, and no one version lasts indefinitely. It's all well and good that IDW's made its fame with My Little Pony, but what happens when it's time for that property to go back to sleep? What happens to Dynamite when their versions of The Shadow and The Green Hornet run their course? You can't build your brand purely on licensed material. It's partly why Dark Horse got hit so hard by Disney buying out Lucasfilm and the Fox library. And in today's smaller, more monopolistic comics landscape, the '90s Dark Horse model isn't enough to make you a powerhouse on par with the Big 2.

(And if current rumors of IDW possibly shuttering its comic book operations and going full Hollywood end up coming true, it'll be yet another publisher going down...and again, more attrition for the comic book industry.)

Now, it can be argued that part of the reason Image and so many other companies fell off when the comic book boom ended is that they'd banked themselves too much on popular trends of the era. Big Titty Bad Girls, Big Gun Pouch-Wearing Vigilantes, trading on flashy art over quality writing, attempting DC/Marvel-style event-gimmicks with characters nobody knew or cared about...all of that's true. I can't and won't make excuses for that. But in an age where digital and social media dominate, there's no excuse for comics to be so closed off, so hard to find, or so hard to break into. The equal parts country-club-and-echo-chamber setup of the current comics industry certainly benefits the major publishers and their major players of choice, but it also curtails any real chance of new blood making a splash and reinventing the game. It's not uncommon for indie or small-press creators to make their living hustling on social media and on the convention circuit. And sometimes it pays off; husband-and-wife team Adam Withers and Comfort Love (The Uniques, Rainbow in the Dark) have been very successful at that, even racking up Harvey Award nominations. But again, it's the artificially high barrier to entry imposed by the Diamond monopoly that's the issue. Not everyone can get in, and unless you can get into Diamond's Previews, you're going to have a hell of a time getting your comics out there. And since the industry is still staunchly brick-and-mortar, that's another added hurdle.

And it's not just small-press or indie creators who face these problems. Established industry talent who've been shed by DC and Marvel often have trouble getting their books published, often turning to crowdfunding instead. Sometimes it pays off handsomely (Tom Grummett's upcoming Section Zero, Steven Butler's John Aman: Amazing Man), sometimes it hits the skids (Kieron Dwyer's proposed West Portal). Unless you're the current flavor of the moment, it's far from a given that long-standing comics creators can see their projects to fruition. Again, that's down to the atrophy of the comics industry and the impact of the distribution monopoly. Because it's shrunken so much, become so biased in favor of the major publishers, and abandoned any notion of being accessible to a wider audience, even industry talent with years – hell, decades – of work to their name have a difficult time getting a green-light for their projects, and have to rely on the crapshoot that is crowdfunding. And even at that, while you might get some really good individual works, it's still not going to be nearly enough to challenge the Diamond monopoly, much less present an alternative to the dominance of the Big 2.

So much of the state of the industry makes little sense when viewed in context of today's digital age. There shouldn't be such a huge barrier to entry for new creators. It shouldn't be so hard for established talent to get their projects green-lit. It shouldn't be so damn hard, especially in the age of digital media, for indie and small-press works to find wide distribution. And it definitely shouldn't be impossible for a new comics company to rise up and take the industry into the future, since DC and Marvel won't. But that's where we're at. Even the distribution model is over two decades out of date, and as a monopoly it's unfairly stacked against anything but entrenched industry players. No real opportunity for growth, no real opportunity for change, just the prolonging of an ever-shrinking echo chamber stuck decades in the past.

[lookwhosfhtagn]

THE ADVENTURES OF ARGUS ARMSTRONGMAN - LONE STAR DETECTIVE

Case 637435: Attempted Murder, Breach of Trucking Contract, Breaking and Entering, Assault, Gross Sexual Misconduct, Trespassing, Unlicensed Gang Warfare, Unauthorized Corporate Espionage, Second Degree Murder

It had been years since I had left the metropolitan area of Indianapolis, but the flat expanse of Illinois was exactly as I remembered it: a monotonous grid of monstrous corporate soy megafarms, attended by a fleet of hovering drones and massive lumbering combines. The floating disks darted like dragonflies over the fields, spraying nutrients and pesticides on some sections while the gargantuan combines lumbered about, harvested the bounty of the fields. This prolonged modern agraria played out to the soundtrack of wind whipping over the open top of the Saab Dynamit that Catrina Noire had procured for our trip. Its smooth curves and gleaming yellow composite body were equal parts work of art and engineering marvel. The feeling of my hands on the steering wheel was the closest thing I’d ever felt to unconditional love. In my mind, I was already naming it Tracy.

My silent adoration of the chariot bearing us forward to Dak Rambo was interrupted when Catrina cleared her throat. “What is it?” I asked, not taking my eyes off the tediously straight roads.

“Listen, Detective. I know you’re not a fan of the League’s plan.” She paused, trying to think of her next words carefully. “But with Dak and his NeoScum crew having left Chicago, we really need a lead.”

“We have a lead,” I corrected her. “This Tech Wizard character has a relative nearby in Peoria. And not just a relative: a grandmother.” My eyes left the road for a second to connect with hers, hoping to impress upon her some fraction of my surety in this theory. “From all my research, Tech Wizard loves the old dame. Loves her bad enough he wouldn’t skip the area without saying goodbye first.”

Catrina sighed, her ears flicking in frustration. Or maybe it was just the wind of the road. Being a Changeling with feline traits, she didn’t have normal human ears. The large triangles of fur on top of her head weren’t just for show. “Fine, so maybe they did go to visit the wizard’s grandmother. Do you honestly believe they will still be there?”

“No,” I said, my tone sinking slightly. “But it could give us a trajectory to follow.”

“Alternately, we could just use the data we got from Cognitia.” Catrina’s voice was confident and slow, with just a hint of exasperation. It was almost like she was talking to a child. “We could slot Beans in right now. He knows Dak. He could give us information and help us figure out not just where the NeoScum have been but where they will be.”

My gut sank like it was full of stones. “You’re not the least bit creeped out by that? Taking a person’s memories, turning them into data, and having them live on after him?”

The feline fatale paused, the overcast afternoon of the Illinois plains only barely highlighting her dark skin and rounded cheeks. “No. Beans is dead. The only reason these memories exist at all is because he was afraid of a hereditary neurological disease among dwarves.” She adjusted the Matrix sunglasses that would have cost me a month’s salary and looked at me with those narrow slit-eyes. “These are here for us to use. That is that.”

“I’ll be honest, I was hoping for a little bit more nuanced discussion of the situations.” My frustration at her curt answer caused my foot to press down on the accelerator.

“You’re not in Indianapolis anymore, Detective. I think it’s time you give up on idealistic notions and focus on what really matters: results.” And with that, she produced the old data stick and slotted it into the dashboard console without a second thought.

“Wait, I-”

But it was too late. Whatever programs were on the stick executed and a thick brogue poured out over the car’s speaker system.  “Ack, that one hurts like a bastard! Never goin’ to get used to that-” He paused. “Wait a minute. What’s goin’ on? I can’t see! Sweet Merciful Satan, my eyes!”

“Beans?” I asked, not really sure how to address the disembodied consciousness. “Beans, calm down. My name is Detective Argus Armstrongman. I’m with Lone Star Security and-”

His voice became more and more panicked with each second. “This was Rambo, wasn’t it? How did he find out about the job? Waitin’ until I was in here, getting’ my brain scanned to finish me off? What kind of cowardly, spineless, no good-”

Ms. Noire chimed in in an assertive voice. “Computer, mute process Beans.” And with that, Beans was silent. “Now then, if you are done losing your mind, I have some information for you. Beans, you are dead. Dak Rambo shot you in cold blood in Chicago and fled the city. We want you to help us track him.” The air hung heavy for a moment, then she laughed to herself. “Oh, sorry, I forgot I muted you. Computer, unmute process Beans.”

The speaker erupted in a volcanic pyroclast of pure vitriolic hatred. Profanity and threats the likes of which I had never heard spilled out in a devastating landslide, making me grip the steering wheel tighter. But Catrina just sat there, that confident smirk on her face. She lived for this: the feeling of power over others.

“-and then I’ll make you sit on the shards while I piss in your dad’s beard!” Beans finally relented, his inorganic virtual lungs expended of the fictional resource he knew as air.

Catrina gave a soft cluck of her tongue. “That is not way to speak to your new partners, Beans. If not for us, you would just be a corpse in a morgue, being harvested for organs. Now? You’re at least a mind. A mind who I have no doubt would love to go home to his family someday, yes?”

“Listen, you daft cat. I don’t know where Dak is. I don’t even know that Dak killed me!”

“But you know him. I’ve worked with him. I bet you have some ideas where he might have scurried off to.” The feline purred softly. “If you help us catch him, we’ll see about getting you a proper mechanical body and sending you back home.”

Even though he wasn’t real, I could hear the hitch in Beans’ voice. “I can’t help you, damn it. So just send me home. Let me see my wife. Let me see my family!”

I turned to cat, shooting her a glare. “This isn’t working. He’s not going to help us.”

The expression I saw on that woman’s face chilled my blood to pure ice. It was equal measures fury and desperation, shaken and served on the rocks. “I’ll let you go if you can answer me one simple question.” The predator hunched forward in the car’s passenger seat, looking into the nonexistent eye of the console. “What is your full name, Beans?”

The simulacra of the dead dwarf’s memory laughed softly. “Really? My name? My name is Beans-”.

Before he could finish, Ms. Noire cut him off. “Computer, erase object Beans dot name dot middle dash last.”

Beans hung right there, a forgotten syllable hanging on the air. He choked out an attempt to push on, but faltered. “My name…my name is Beans…Beans…”

I’ve never heard a computer cry before. I’ve heard artificial beings mimic the depths of despair on trideo feeds, but it was always passed through the filter that is the Matrix. Everything and everyone comes out a shallow copy when it’s passed through the digital feed. But those deep, shuddering sobs blaring out over the speakers were so deep and painful, I felt my gut turn as I yanked the memory stick out and slammed on the brakes, sending up screeching down that Illinois highway until we stopped on the side.

“What the fuck was that?” I blurted out, clutching the memory stick tightly. My knuckles were white. “What kind of absolute drek was that?”

Her shades hid her eyes, but her body language said I had surprised her. The claw marks in the armrest didn’t do her any favors. “I am getting results, Detective.”

“You are torturing someone!”

“I am altering a program which fails to cooperate.” Her ear ticked anxiously. “That is not Beans. It’s a ghost.”

“Even if it is just a ghost, how about a little respect for the dead?” I took the stick and put it in the pocket of my Lone Star issued windbreaker. “I am going to hold on to this. We are going to cool down and try again when we get to Peoria.”

“Listen-”

“No, you listen.” My normally cool demeanor was melting rapidly. My hands fumbled for my vape but couldn’t find it. “You said you need my help. Well you’re not getting it unless you stop with this whole routine. Good cop, bad cop only works if you’re a cop.”

Catrina was about to speak out, but her mouth hung open. She looked out, unbuckling her seatbelt and rising up out of the body of the vehicle to survey the horizon. “Argus…” She trailed off, dumbstruck.

My head turned and I saw the carnage ahead of us: a city ablaze, the flickering lights and billowing smoke testaments to the conflict ahead. And directly in front of us on the roadside was a large black LCD screen with scrolling green letters spelling “WELCOME TO PEORIA”.

<- PREVIOUS NEXT ->

[ginnyzero]

The Anatomy of An Action Star

Action movies have turned into big business in Hollywood. Your summer movie “tent poles” nine times out of ten will have some sort of action element in them. They are spending upwards of 250 million a piece on production of these movies alone, not counting the 100 million that they are spending on marketing the same movies. Of course, if you want these movies to do well, that means you have to draw a lot of people to the box office. There are two ways to do this, have a concept everyone already knows and loves and fill that concept with super talented people and/or have a big name action star that people already know and love and hope the star will draw the people. Now, with so many big movies coming out at the same time, there is often only so much money to go around. So, that, at least now, if there is a critical financial ‘flop’ at the box office, there isn’t so much of a cushion to an actor or actresses career. A few financial ‘flops’ in a row turns what could be a rising star packing back where they came from.

It didn’t used to be this way. The action film genre was considered a solid “B” genre and got the low budgets to match its less then patrician origins. If a film ‘flopped’ in the “good old days” it was more than likely the actor (because female action stars were even rarer back then, hey Sigourney Weaver) would just shrug and move on to make another “B” movie. Some of the most ridiculous premises got two or three or more sequels. Whether it was the time or just pure luck, there was a pack, much like the Rat Pack, of action stars that people wanted to see more of over and over and over again, no matter what the premise was and others just, as they say, couldn’t “cut the mustard.”

No matter what era of Hollywood you’re in, there are just some actors and actresses that are put into an action movie that can carry it, while others just can’t.

There is more to an action role than the ability to throw a punch or shoot a gun (or in some cases drive really, really fast). And while some actors who may not be able to throw a punch or shoot a gun can still pull off the swashbuckling end of things and swing a sword. Say what you like about Nicholas Cage, he tends to not be very believable in an action role. It says something that the most believable he gets is when he’s CGIed into a skeleton with a flaming skull. Because at that point we’re not watching Nicholas Cage, we’re watching a skeleton with a flaming skull! And as much as people liked Chris Pine as the young and the restless alternative universe James T. Kirk, they weren’t quite so ready to watch him Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit. Kit Harrington has a good following for his role on Game of Thrones, but that didn’t bring any better numbers for Pompeii. Whereas Jason Statham four years after his acting debut managed to carry The Transporter. After a short role in 1998 in Saving Private Ryan, in 2000 Boiler Room and Pitch Black proved he could act and in 2001, Vin Diesel had The Fast and The Furious on his resume.

So what makes some actors successful in the genre and others not. What makes audiences believe in some actors over others? Because there has to be a certain amount of authenticity for the actor to be able to carry the role. Sometimes, this takes more than one movie for the actor to reach that stage. For instance, Karl Urban wasn’t at all believable as an action hero in DOOM. By the time he hit Dredd, he was more authentic and the audience was willing to believe. Something had changed between DOOM and Dredd within Karl Urban and his abilities in acting.

Well, first off, if one wants to be an action star, one needs to look the part. Male or female, they need to have some sort of muscle to make the audience believe that that guy/girl can throw a punch or shoot a gun or swing a sword or whatever is needed and it’s actually going to hurt. Whether they’re body builders (Arnold Schwarzenegger), wrestlers (Dwayne Johnson) or martial artists (Jean Claude Van Damme, Bruce Lee, Jackie Chan et al) or even bouncers (Vin Diesel), they need to have the bulk or we just don’t believe it (Nicholas Cage.) Women have it harder. Most women when they are chosen for an action role, start training for that role on set. Most of them don’t know anything about fighting before they start (Michelle Rodriguez, believe it or not). Gal Gadot is a rare case of a woman who actually served in the military (Israeli). She gets a lot of flak for it. There are a few actresses who are trying to make names for themselves coming out of the MMA circuit (Gina Carano, Ronda Rousey). These are exceptions and not the rule. Because there are fewer females in action roles, it feels that they have to work harder to be taken seriously in those roles.

Which leads to the next bit, training. Whether they’re street brawling or shooting a gun or swinging a sword, it needs to look to the average audience like they know what they’re doing. Even if the average audience is absolutely ignorant about what it is supposed to look like. (Fencing fanatics can be some of the most snobbish about this. Watching a modern fencing match is boring, I’ll stick to the movie version.) Different films go with different directions for this. Keanu Reeves had it easy in the Matrix. In the beginning, of course we didn’t believe that Neo was to be the one. But he got plugged into a computer and they downloaded kung fu into his brain, and there, on screen we saw the Neo character become a ‘trained’ fighter. Now, of course, we believe that he can kick ass and take names because he’s all out of bubblegum. Other movies start with ‘dump them into a training ground/fight’ approach, putting the character directly into the action within five minutes of the movie so that the audience can see for themselves that this actor has mad skills. In the Matrix, Trinity gets this treatment. Angelina Jolie does this in Tomb Raider. Daniel Craig gets to use this approach in Casino Royale. Other movies take the reputation approach, the fact that the actor has been in so many other movies and they had some sort of action sequence in them so of course they know how to fight or the actor has come from a background with martial arts in it, so this movie will have them displaying those skills. The reputation factor can be the biggest gamble, even with established action stars. Sometimes it’s just not enough to say “oh, he’s got so many belts, trophies or studies ju jitsu.” Because you can have these things and still not be believable in the role. This is where DOOM failed Karl Urban. He’d been in a few action movies before this, but they hadn’t been in fighting roles. He just wasn’t prepared to be alongside/up against the Rock. He didn’t have the training and that insecurity showed in the film.

A big part of it is ‘the stare.’ When an actor or actress looks their foe in the eye and says something witty or ominous and the audience gets the belief that this person actually means what they’re saying and that the foe better watch out because they’re about to get their buttocks beaten. When Liam Neeson looks you in the eye and says he’s coming for you, well, I for one am going to believe him. My favorite example of this is Nathan Fillion in Firefly, where he’s sitting in a wagon in a dress with a bonnet on and he looks the other guy in the eye and goes “I swear by my pretty floral bonnet, I will end you.” This is mighty impressive, not only given he’s in a dress and bonnet, but at the time he’s sitting next to Adam Baldwin, the only guy on set who had enough action movie experience he never flinched when firing the guns. (Watch that sequence where they invade Niska’s base to rescue Mal. Adam Baldwin doesn’t flinch, ever. It’s uncanny.) There is a certain hardness to characters who are willing to mete out violence in the name of a just cause (and sometimes unjust cause.) Not every actor, like not every person, has the ability to look another person in the eyes without flinching or turning away. Not every person can convey that force with a look alone.

Now part of this is hugely charisma. Actors who end up in action roles that are successful often have a huge sense of presence about them. They have to in order to stand out from the rest of the cast. That’s just part of being a lead actor or actress. Charisma is what attracts people to others. Charm, glamour, whatever you want to call it, it is the stuff that makes certain people leaders and certain people followers. (And people like me who are ‘stay out of the wayers, thank you.’ Meaning, I’m not a leader. I’m not a follower. I’m over here doing my own thing. If you like it, good. If you don’t, oh well.) Part of the ability to be a leading actor or actress, beyond picking the right roles and luck, is this ability to attract an audience. It’s the ability to be likeable or at least pretend to be likeable. There are some actors and actresses that people will follow their movies no matter what type of drek they’re in, just because there is something about that actor that attracts them physically, mentally or emotionally.

Because connecting emotionally with the audience is a huge deal. If an actor or actress doesn’t have the ability to emote before the camera, they just aren’t doing their job. If I want to see a puppet on strings in a movie, I’ll just go see a puppet on strings. In fact, there are muppets who emote more than some actors and actresses. Even and actor or actress in the most stoic of roles, needs at some point make the audience laugh or “cry.” They need to elicit an emotional response of some sort so that the audience can connect to the character and sympathize with them. It doesn’t matter if they’re the good guy or the bad guy. They need to make us amused or angry or feel angst. When they stand there like an artist mannequin and say their lines by rote, they missed that part of the acting memo. Sylvester Stallone doesn’t always come off as all that smart, but he can make an audience feel something. John Travolta may be all over the map but he connects with the audience somewhere among the crazy shit. Nicholas Cage over emotes, but hey, at least he emotes.

Of course, there is a huge bunch of things that any actor or actress has absolutely no control over. There’s luck and timing. There are scripts that don’t suck and executives not screwing you over. Actors and Actresses don’t control release dates (authors got one up on them there) or marketing campaigns. And things out of their control can affect their careers as much as things in their control.

Physicality, fight training, and acting are all abilities that can be honed and perfected. ‘The stare’ and charisma are sometimes things that people are born with. In my opinion, being successful at all these things and the ability to bring them together at the right time and with the right project, are keys to the success of those who want to be an action movie star (or just a movie star.)

[theprofessorruns]

A Small Comfort

He took one step off the small freight elevator, heaved a huge sigh of relief and relaxation, and tossed his bag into the corner of the room where he normally keeps it.

He needed coffee. Real coffee. Actual coffee. None of this soy drek everyone's stuck with... After walking over to the small kitchen area, he opened a cupboard and poked around the poorly labeled cartons inside. A few moments later, he had a very small, very expensive container of dark brown grains that many people these days would kill him to obtain.

This smells amazing.

One of the many benefits of having wealth. Another was the apartment he was standing in. A decent sized loft in the Lakeview area of Bug City. You have to have money for a place here. You have to have money to get people to leave you alone... Especially when you don't exactly fit in. 

The problem he had within himself though was that he fit in a bit too well here. In Lakeview, not being an elf would bring cautious, sometimes spiteful glances, quiet murmurs, and a whole deal of discomfort. Luckily for him, he was well over six feet tall, slender, pale, and had those piercing golden eyes that haunted even himself when he looked into the mirror.

He did his best to dismiss the thought that he was at least partly elven, but it was hard to shake off... And it occasionally worked in his favor. A strange internal paradox: wanting nothing to do with a potential biological part of his own heritage, while simultaneously playing the dreaded "elf card" to live in comfort and peace.

He had once thought of going in for tests to know for certain what, if not who, his parents were. All the same though, he really did not want to know for sure. There's a very specific feeling that comes from just having everything up in the air.

He could accept or deny at his own discretion. It was better this way, and it had worked to his advantage so far.

Why change all of that? If it isn't broken, don't fix it.

He relaxed into his lounger and took a long sip of his hot coffee. His mind wandered back out to the many people down at the street level who had never tasted pure joy like this.

I'll take joy over soy any day.

A bit embarrassed, he still laughed at his own bad pun.