#just super personal stuff

[cassynite]

Uh. Just a really personal essay thing below the cut. I just needed to write and share this because it's been bouncing around in my head all day and I feel like if i don't i'm going to just explode or something!!

cw discussions of hoarding, death, illness, elder neglect

I am such an unsentimental person when it comes to keepsakes or mementos. I want to say part of it was as a reaction to my grandmother, who was a hoarder who put far too much emotional importance on physical objects. She would go on and on about some half-broken doll her grandmother had given to her, only for it to get lost in a room of trash. She took thousands of pictures, all the time, on disposable cameras that would never get taken to be developed, just lie to collect dust in a box somewhere.

Once, when we were attempting to clean out the garage full of nothing but 40-gallon bags stuffed with clothes that were moldy and hadn't seen the light of day in years, my grandmother had a breakdown, screaming and crying at us not to touch those things, that they were important.

I was sixteen and an utter asshole at the time. I'd told her, "Grandma they're just things. They're just objects."

And she told me: "Well things are all I have."

I had a very visceral, negative reaction to that. Mostly, it was hurt--did she not have me, the rest of our family? Did she not consider us more important than trash accumulated over years? I ultimately know it was more complicated than that, that my grandmother came from a very abusive and insecure household, and that hoarding was likely a coping mechanism. That she struggled a lot, but that she ultimately loved us all very, very much.

I mean, she didn't have to raise me. My parents were right there. When they told her that four kids was too much work and asked her to take over with my younger sister and I, she could have told them to deal with it, and she didn't. She told me she loved me constantly, that love was unconditional and she would always love me, and no matter our fights or my behavior she was always a support and I believed her when she told me those things.

But her hoarding was a cause of extreme stress my entire adolescence--her tendencies went to cats when I was about fourteen and that ended up being such a nightmare scenario, the kind you'd see in those awful news stories about hoarding houses, that I don't even want to touch on it more than to just say it happened, and it was bad for years. I couldn't see the value in anything she had, and therefore never cared enough to keep things of my own. I never cared about family heirlooms, didn't keep things after they broke and couldn't be fixed no matter where I got it from, and I didn't take pictures or care much about pictures that were taken. Souvenirs were pointless to me, and I struggle to remember any gift I've been given in my life.

In early 2016, long-term health issues including unmanaged diabetes, multiple strokes, and bouts of pneumonia finally left my grandmother incapable of taking care of herself, and when a fall caused some minor brain bleed they placed her in a care facility. It was her worst nightmare--she'd told us repeatedly growing up that if something happened like that to just let her die, that she did not want to waste away in a nursing home.

I only visited rarely. I was working on getting my bachelor's degree, I had just moved in with my partner, and the speech and memory issues caused by my grandmother's injury were profoundly upsetting to me; I often left visits crying. Both of my grandparents had been in hospitals and rehab centers multiple times before, and my grandmother constantly took me on visits to see church members who also were recovering from injuries, so I was very familiar with these places. The smell, the sights of people who might never recover from what put them there, and the dead-eyed stares of staff made me hate those care homes.

So I avoided visiting her, put it off. I would visit when she got better, I promised myself. And then in December of 2016, my grandmother caught pneumonia and died. I was there for part of the vigil when they took her off of life support, but had such a breakdown seeing her deterioration that I left early and did not stay with her when she passed. She'd had, I would learn later, multiple falls in the nursing facility she was placed at; that care home would close down a few years later due to investigations of neglect.

I cannot express how horrifying the entire ordeal was, or the shame I feel when thinking about this. If I had spent more time with my family, maybe I could have helped care for Grandma instead of her ending up in a care home. I could have helped manage her diet so she didn't have the drops in blood sugar that caused that first fall, the one that led to the initial brain damage. I could have looked more into the group homes when choosing which one to take her to, found the very present information regarding the one she was placed at and and pushed for one that wouldn't let her fall constantly, causing permanent brain damage and health deterioration. At the very, very least, I could have visited more, so that her last memories on this goddamned earth involved knowing that her favorite granddaughter gave a shit.

It's been years. My grandfather ended up also falling ill in 2018, multiple infections and bouts with sickness that landed him in a much better care home, where I visited more often. He was deeply self-reliant and chafed against the dependency but made friends and seemed to be alright there whenever I spoke to him. He was also vocally Very Done with living in general--he was nearly ninety--and told me multiple times that he liked seeing me but didn't need it, and to not worry about him. I think he knew I was trying to make up for something. Maybe he judged me for putting in the effort with him when I didn't with Grandma, who needed it so much more than he did.

When he passed in August of 2019, I had just started a new job and hadn't visited in a month. Somehow, his death was even worse, like I'd lost him and Grandma together all over again. The worst part for me, surprisingly, was months later, when my phone corrupted and erased every single picture I had. I didn't take very many, but I'd started to do more toward the end of my grandfather's death especially, and there were several pictures of both him and grandma that were lost forever. I was devastated.

I think perhaps my lack of sentimentality just came from the fact that I hadn't needed to be sentimental before. I could visit my grandparents at any time. My mother was dead but I'd barely known her; my father might as well have been dead for how much he cared to contact or visit us. I didn't have any strong connections that I wanted to be reminded of that i couldn't just renew at any point in time, and I took it for granted. The knowledge that I started to forget what shade of dark brown my grandmother's eyes were, or the old-time phrases my grandfather used to say all the time that I'd ingrained into my vernacular as a child, really hurt. It's like a thousand deaths, every time I realize that I have something less of them with me now.

This past Christmas, my eldest sister gifted all of us with flash drives. She had, in her spare time, scoured the internet and old photo albums for pictures of our family and had digitized everything she could find. She was apologetic about not buying something for us, but had thought we would appreciate it.

I only just started looking at those pictures today. I hadn't really had the strength before now. I don't really have the strength now, to be honest. I've been crying ever since I opened those pictures. Most are taken by my youngest sister and shows both of my grandparents during the last years of their lives; seeing pictures and videos of my grandmother after she sustained her brain damage hurts. But there are other pictures too, older ones, and it's stunning how much I'd really forgotten.

I could always tell when a picture was taken during a big event because my grandmother's hair would be permed. My grandfather was a classic "dad who didn't want the cat" kind of grandparent, and all of our animals adored him. My grandmother wore two different shoes to my little sister's high school graduation. My grandfather wore the same pair of brown pants for literal decades, to the point they were falling apart, because the company that used to make those pants no longer made the exact shade of brown he liked and he refused to wear any other kind.

I know what my grandmother sounded like again. I know, I remember, that she would always insist on saying "I love you" at least once a conversation. She always wanted to make sure we knew that.

I'm still not the most sentimental person. I couldn't really care less about souvenirs. But I take more pictures now, and keep the birthday cards with handwritten notes that my older sister sends me, because I feel conscious of the fact that the people in those pictures aren't always going to be there. I have my grandmother's wedding ring that I keep on a necklace, and I'm probably going to deal with a crying headache the rest of the day for looking at these pictures.

But it's worth it. It is.

[kaijuyuri]

That Monster Will Never Forgive Us

Godzilla (1954) - Ishiro Honda // Journal Excerpt, July First - twinnedpeaks // Godzilla Minus One (2023) - Takashi Yamazaki // papayajuan2019 // Godzilla (1954) - Ishiro Honda // Godzilla Minus One (2023) - Takashi Yamazaki // The Angriest Dog In The World - David Lynch // Ishiro Honda on Rodan (1956) // Godzilla (1954) - Ishiro Honda

[s0fter-sin]

soap's whole deal being sniper and demolitions gets me going bc on the surface they sound so different but when you get into it, you realise it's bc soap's smart

sniping is all math; calculating distances and wind interference and bullet drop. something i think people overlook is he was listed as a sniper first so it can be implied that he's better at it than demolitions. he does more sniping in both campaigns than demolitions work; in capture or kill, ghost specifically calls on him to take down the aq snipers

and demolitions is math with a hit of chemistry; knowing what mixes with what, knowing how much to use, recognising environmental factors and adjusting accordingly. it's not just about the boom; so much work goes into contained/ planned explosions. especially when having enough power for a breacher charge and not bringing down the whole building is the difference between mission success and failure

the chemical bombs he makes in alone can't just be any old cleaners, they have to have the correct reaction to each other; he just knew off the top of his head what would mix with what to create what reaction. he would also potentially have to recognise them by sight/smell bc they would’ve been written in spanish

soap would also have to know architecture; recognising structural integrity and weak points so he knows exactly where to plant a charge to bring it down and how it'll come down

he has an incredible soldier's mind people just forget that bc he's sociable which itself is a skill

we know he tends to buck against orders he doesn't agree with like when he pushes back against ghost in capture or kill and shepherd when he tells them to release hassan

he gets closer to people and sees if he can trust them and that's when he follows them without question. really think about how he talks to alejandro and rudy; he asks about their home and alejandro's family and rudy's relationship with him. those aren't questions you ask a stranger after a few hours of knowing them. that's not even touching on his relationship with ghost

he also deliberately brings people of higher ranks down to his level; talking informally with ghost and giving him a shoulder punch, addressing alejandro (a colonel!!) by his first name and rudy by his nickname despite literally just meeting them. he personalises all of them and it’s in direct opposition to the reason most characters do that; it’s not due to insubordination or lack of respect, the more he respects and trusts someone, the more casual he is with them

he digs into people; he wants to know what makes them tick and that determines if he can one, trust them and two, follow their orders. once he decides that, he's the ultimate soldier; he bleeds loyalty which makes him vicious when that loyalty is taken for granted

he isn't naive or bubbly or insecure; he's an incredibly smart and aware soldier. he's aggressive and bloodthirsty and loyal and intuitive and i love him so much

[luna-loveboop]

I want. Four to get appreciation. Because

Four gave a ton of unnoticed help when Twilight was injured

The fight with Wild was difficult, and I know we're all concerned about his negative view of the shadow crystal

But Four did something that no one else really thought of to help- He took care of Twi's stuff

From the beginning he told Twilight to not worry about them

So Four took care of pretty much everything but the others (that Sky and Wars handled)

He took care of Epona

Which is so very important- he took care of Twilight's horse. After her arrival at the stable Four followed up on her

And for Epona, a horse so attached to her human, having some company can help so much for reassurance

He took care of Twilight's stuff

He got Twi's shield- his bags and equipment, and organized it into one place

And he was worried. He obviously found the shadow crystal while handling Twi's stuff, but his negative reactions to it were out of concern.

Also- because of his placement in this scene

I'm fairly convinced Four was ready to start cooking before Wild showed up (since he's beside the counter with food supplies). At the very least he had the basket of fruit out for everyone -but he was literally standing with food behind him- he thought of everything

And he did housekeeping!

Wars payed for the inn, so Four took care of the inn

Realistically these boys were probably not too concerned with tidyness. Four got all of Twi's things on one table, and took care of the room they stayed in

Organizing tables and Twi's things, having food supplies ready, and opening the curtains- overall he was the one tidying up the inn

Four helped in a huge way! He took care of Twi's horse (Epona is so important), his equipment and shield and bag, as well as the other rooms in the inn

Four filled in all the little tasks that others didn't think of. He helped in ways that were needed, but not obvious

There's a lot of problems with the shadow crystal and with Wild, and I don't know what's gonna happen in the future

But don't forget this- don't forget that Four was one who stepped up in an almost unnoticeable way

Don't forget that when everyone was barely holding it together, Four visited Twilight's horse and took care of his things

No matter what develops in the future- this amount of care shown is important ya know?

.

Art and comic from Jojo @linkeduniverse au :)))

[biblically-accurate-dca]

for dca fandom members specifically: have you played and completed security breach?

when i say "complete" i specifically mean "played through it at least once and got to 6am", whether you got all the endings and/or achievements is irrelevant to the question

another additional note is that if you've played other fnaf games but haven't completed those then that still counts as you playing them and you can answer yes to that!

no shame towards anyone who hasn't played the games! this is just to see what the general statistics are among everyone here

please reblog for a larger sample size! thank you ♡

[chiropteracupola]

"Are you finished with my portrait yet? Show me!" "Cipacton, I can't draw you if you keep moving!"

[sincerely-sofie]

“Yeah, remember how that one gal in middle school evolved from a pichu? It was the weirdest thing! She didn’t have any friends to let her evolve in the first place… She’s back in town apparently. She keeps asking people if they know about some kid who supposedly used to lived here. In a town this small, though? There’s no way that little boy grew up with us. We’d know if he did. After all…

“… In this town, everybody knows everybody.”

[nebuladreamz]

The voices are loud and I am WEAK

[zipsunz]

i already mentioned this on twt but my roommate cat (@sunkitty143) finally made an account for fandom stuff! she's the co-creator of little mari (as well as the dog pack ocs and the botw au!!) and does the writing for my comics. so if u like our headcanons and work, please check her out too!! <3

[vynnyal]

Turns out Sunlit Trail isn't quite done just yet, so after all that they just send you to a dead end 😂

[posthumanwanderings]

https://www.reddit.com/r/FrutigerAero/comments/185chbf/you_sure_you_guys_just_arent_depressed_or/

[minalots]

MORE WOLFWOODS?!!!!?!?!!?????

[thetetra]

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Choco and Milko | Rescued Cats (@chocomilkoboys)

So my friend runs this Instagram account and it features her two cats Choco (pictured) and Milko with guest star appearances by her daughter(also pictured).

Milko is in poor health and the vet bills are an ever present pressure on her life.

So if you could like and comment or possibly follow her cats account to help the Zucc Bucks pay the bills around the holidays that'd be super cool of you.

[the-one-with-spider-brainrot]

Cult of the lamb updated so yknow what that means? thats right more doodles of this fam and this fam alone yippee!!

I was not expecting the crown to jumpscare talk to me so now it gets a personality that’s fun

[palskippah]

Hi! You saw preg Bowuigi, but may I present to you… preg Mareach ✨

The thought won't leave my mind after I mindlessly drew Mario asking Luigi how is it to be pregnant and then it escalated from there 😔

So! Here's some headcanons (that you can find too in the drawings) for this:

Edit! I deleted the suggestive-y ideas to make it more all viewers-friendly, sorry!

-Mario and Luigi's mamma and uncle are twins, so they have this 'twin gene', and it just so happens that Mario got twins first try and Luigi didn’t.

-Mario has thoughts when seeing his bro expecting, he develops a serious case of baby fever that he refuses to tell anyone about. Like he catches himself thinking about him and Peach expecting and her acting in the overly attentive way that Bowser does, or thinking of a tiny blonde baby with a button nose and blue-sky eyes. He feels a bit guilty about these thoughts.

-Luigi eventually pries the information out of Mario and tries to convince him to talk to Peach about it, that she’d be understanding even if she doesn’t like the idea. Mario’s stubborn and just doesn’t and feels bad for wanting a baby too just because his bro is going to have one.

-To Mario’s surprise (and relief) it’s Peach who mentions the idea of having children (he feels a bit embarrassed that she easily used the exact words he scolded himself for: “I want a baby”), so they shyly entertain the idea.  And they decide they'd like to be parents in the future.

-When Magma (that's the Bowuigi baby's name!) grows and gets to the toddler stage, Mario finally decides that they could start trying.

-(Corny and I pulled this from Deadpool 2 but) He gives the 'green light' to Peach as a sort of anniversary gift and she's so happy she jumps in place and holds him to her chest and rambles about what to name the baby and how they'd look and what they'll do together and– Mario jokingly reminds her that first she's gotta put a baby in him for that to happen.

-Luigi is really excited when Mario and Peach tell him that they’re expecting. He hugs them both and says he can’t wait to finally be an uncle, and that they’ll be great parents.

-Luigi spoils his bro the same way Mario did with him when he was expecting Magma, like baking him treats and his favorite foods whenever they’re at their house and overall being a very good bro.

-Soon Peach arranges a room to make a nursery and plans how it’ll be.

-When they discover it's twins she makes arrangements again to adapt it for two babies, assigning a color to each baby’s things, because she thinks that Mario and Luigi having their signature colors is adorable.

-When they’re back from the doctor after discovering they’ll have twins, they’re both happily thinking about two children. Peach of snuggly wrapped little babies with round noses and brunette hair, and Mario for some reason thinks of two blonde toddlers with matching hats and blue overalls.

-Mario's belly looks big soon and Peach is over the moon because he's so round and handsome.

-He's so shaped.

-Due to almost all of the Mushroom Kingdom citizens being small Mario often loses sight of them, especially when talking to toads. They love to stand close and right in front of him, even if Mario tells them to stand at his side so he can see them. Mario's pretty sure not even the toads can see him over his belly and yet they don't listen.

-Mario lives at Peach's castle but he and Luigi still kinda often stay at their own little house at the outskirts of Toad Town. Luigi sometimes goes by himself or brings some of his children. They like to have some kind of peace apart from their families and the royalness of it all. (Thinking about the fact that Bowser went on a vacation by himself as Junior said once in a game sjdks)

-Peach is very excited for the babies and she always asks for permission to caress his belly and to hold it and to kiss it. She talks a lot to the babies too, even at times holding very long one-sided conversations with them while Mario listens in with an absolutely besotted smile.

-Many nights, when Mario's sprawled on his side with his arms in weird positions and snoring away and Peach's at his back holding him, she mumbles on and on sweet words to her children and her boyfriend, and holds Mario closely.

-Ever since they know he's expecting, Peach randomly suggests baby names to Mario, who shakes his head or actually explains why he doesn't like them. She suggests one day a couple of names just for funsies and to her surprise Mario loves them.

-Peach leaves their bed very early to focus on her royal duties all morning, while Mario's asleep almost until midday surrounded by an insane amount of red and pink pillows.

-Peach eats red power up mushrooms to be able to easily carry Mario around when he gets too tired, that way she doesn't get tired either.

-Late on Mario gets the 'pregnancy brain', he forgets things and sometimes does stupid stuff. Once at their house he dropped a fork, and since it never crossed his mind to ask for help or pick another one from the kitchen cabinet, he ended up stuck in a crouch when trying to reach it, yelling for Luigi to come help him up.

-Donkey Kong and Mario are mean besties, and DK often teases Mario and vice versa. Like DK purposefully drops something and asks in a faux nice voice for Mario to pick it up for him, then does the laugh™ as Mario stares at him unamused.

-DK used to (gently) push Mario to sit in soft furniture and laugh at him for getting stuck. Mario would sulk and cross his arms over his belly until the stupid monkey dignified himself to help him up. Until DK did it one day that Mario had been particularly tired about the pregnancy, and besides the usual reaction he also got misty-eyed and his lower lip wobbled. DK freaked out and couldn't figure out how to console him as Mario silently cried. Peach almost obliterated DK on the spot when she caught them.

-Since then DK isn't as mean with Mario until the babies are born weeks later. Also, he's a bit terrified of Peach now.

-Magma, who's still a toddler, often asks her uncle-mama when the babies are going to come out of his belly so she can meet them.

-They have twin girls! They're identical when they're babies and kids but when they grow older they have more noticiable differences (like height, same as Mario and Luigi and their mom and uncle)

-They’re Nettarina and Mariella. Sadly I don’t care how silly the names are, I like them and so does Mario aksjdksajd

-Mario has strong genes so their babies look a lot more like him than Peach (who’s glad, because she wanted to have two mini Marios!), although he hoped they’d look more like her.

-Mario is already fat and he gets even fatter with the pregnancy.

-The girls (and Magma too) speak fluent italian and english.

And that’s what I have so far! I know i missed some characters that I could have mentioned like Daisy or Toad and others, but maybe I’ll think of them too for another post c:

I hope you liked them, and if you have any other ideas or headcanons feel free to share them, I’d love to know!

[biblically-accurate-dca]

super disorganized sketch page because i do what i want