#just that i cant fucking make sure i reply to people properly anymore

[cryptidscries]

Bro, this out of sight out of mind shit is getting a bit out of hand ngl.

[mrghostrat]

Okay I cant -- I need to say it out loud.

I am 100% sure, at this point, you are my favourite artist so far. And I have to honestly thank you for a lot of stuff so let me get to the point before my anxiety takes me back --

I came across you less than a month ago. I don't remember if I saw your art before reading your fictions (Mon Horrible Cherì was my first) or the other way around, but both inspired me so much I can't describe it properly. Art itself is my absolute weak spot. In my past years I always struggled working on that, I was never happy with my results, and mostly had drawn to pay bills than for my own happyness. In the end I hated it at the point that every line I drew was a cut on my hand instead of a moment of joy. And that was horrendous.

But then I came across your art, at some point - and I was amazed. Your style is something I wished to achieve years ago, or very similar to that at least, so I was totally into looking for more, and more, and more. I can't produce art of that quality, but for the first time I wasn't envious of another artist's ability and talent, I was just... Amazed. I felt very happy, can't say why, but your style totally fascinated me. It still do. Anytime you post something new it gives me a shot of serotonine, it makes me feel happy and inspires me to get back on my Huion and draw something too. I started to push it through everyday, and in less than a month I grew a lot. You don't know that, but you pushed me into art with a passion I didn't had since I was 16, and I turned 30 couple months ago. Now it gives me joy everytime I draw. It doesn't matter if the art I produce is no good, or if I change my style everytime (I'm trying a lot of styles right now), the only thing that matter is the way I feel when I sit here and just let my inspiration go. And I feel happy. Happy to draw. Happy to experiment. Happy to share. Somehow I don't feel ashamed of my art anymore, and I was for a long time. I improved so much in these weeks. I watched carefully almost all of your timelapses (I am in love with all of them btw) and followed your tutorials more than once. Your examples, the way you work, is just inspirational for me. I've seen someone was thankful to you for the way you use references and says people out there to do it too: I want to thank you for that too. References was a taboo until last month for me, and I was SO wrong! Those helps so much!

So, well. I am not sure I wrote this all correctly, english is not my native language (I'm italian) and I may have done some mistakes, well, I do not care. I just hope I was able to express you my gratitude for all you did for me - I had to let you know how much this means to me everyday.

Oh also: I love every part of your art, but I could stare at your linearts for days and never get bored by that. And the way you color! Don't make me start on that. I could speak for hours. Not sure you'll want that, believe me.

So, thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Thank you for making me believe in myself again. Thank you for giving me back my passion. Thank you for reminding me everyday I can draw for myself, for my own happyness. And thank you for making me happy.

You are a great artist.

Thank you! <3

i put off replying to this because i wanted to draw you something, but i just haven't had the energy after work and dont want u to think im ignoring you 😭

but i dont have WORDS. i'm so fucking proud of you. i'm so happy for you. browsing your blog and seeing the sheer amount of art and AUs you're making is so inspiring. your happiness is contagious and i hope you only continue to grow, and continue to foster all that joy for art.

thank you <3

[thequietmanno1]

Thelreads, MHA 285, Replies Part 2

1) “tell me Horikoshi, what happened to the other kid the one that had a flying quirk tell me you didn’t, for example, turn him into a nomu and then killed him without us realizing, right? tell me because not showing us the other kid here would make it seem like you don’t want us to remember him”- Honestly, given the shit the kids already have to deal with in the current situation, and just how many people Garaki has no doubt transformed into Nomua, I’m not sure if that will ever be clarified to the kids. It’s another traumatic event for them to deal with when they’re already being subjected to so much trauma in the present, and just like All Might’s withholding information for Izuku’s wellbeing – and Mic is no doubt gonna have to do the same for Aizawa concerning the truth of Shirakumo’s death – they simply might not tell the kids if it ever gets found out.

2) “Bakugo, is it just me, or are you just having your whole life flash before your eyes as you approach the two calamities locked in a duel to the death? I was joking about it before you know, you don’t need to actually jump there and die, you know?”- He took that as a personal challenge.

But here, we see both the good and bad that’s come of OFA, how it allowed Izuku to stand up to Bakugo’s bullying, even when he went as far as taunting him to jump off a roof, and make him acknowledge his rival’s strengths….

3) “jesus fucking christ look how battered my kid is”-

…Contrasted against how he’s become from indulging in that strength without limitation, pushing himself into a ragged mess out of his mania to save everybody, beleivng it’s all on him and no-one else can do it. Blessing and curse, both in one.

4) “Yeah Bakugo, you always knew he would turn out like this, didn’t you? There was never a way to keep Midoriya away from this fate, quirkless or not.”- When Izuku gained the power, he gained so much from it.but he never gained enough self-respect to properly control himself when his emotions are pushed to the breaking point. For all the good he’s doing in damaging Tomura and holding him back, he’s taking on irreversible damage with every blow, all without thinking it through. Bakugo’s face shows all the concern that Izuku should have for himself, but doesn’t, in part because of how worthless he’s been made to feel from being born Quirkless.

5) “AND HE GRABBED HIM TARGET SECURED, NOW IT’S TIME TO BURN LIKE THE FUCKING SUN LOOK AWAY FOLKS, THINGS ARE ABOUT TO GET… SHINY”- The backup plan was to use float and OFA as propulsion to launch Tomura into the sun, but why go that far when Endevour can just make his own?

6) “IT’S HIM IT’S FUCKING HIM HE’S TAKING OVER SHIGARAKI NOW THAT HE’S ABOUT TO DIE JESUS NO”- The dramatic irony present from the heroes not realising that Tomura’s effectively the one fetter holding back AFO and his decades of experienced handing of his Quirk from running amok with his new and very durable body. They tried their best to beat Tomura. They succeeded.

7) “WELL AT LEAST HE WASN’T TURNED TO DUST, JUST IMPALED WITH LETHAL FORCE.”- That’s how we know who’s in command. Tomura would just dust Endeavour, but AFO will make the execution bloody and painful.

8) “OH GOD OH FUCK THAT’S NOT SHIGARAKI ANYMORE THAT’S DEFINITELY NOT SHIGARAKI ANYMORE HE TOOK OVER”- And as Tomura’s control slips away, so too does his face, leaving only the black human-shaped being that is AFO in command, his exterior a mirror of his twisted soul within, faceless and malevolent as always, no matter the age of his current target.

(MHA ch 261) 9) “What did he asked you? To make sure they were dead? Well, its not like you werent planning to give them the oldouble tap anyway, right? Nothing is dead enough that you cant kill it again.”- This statement only becomes more ironically appropriate as Tomura’s durability keeps holding him together despite everything. The man’s practically a cooked corpse here and he’s coming back from even that, and with his body staring to fall to bits like a literal Zombie’s.

10) “BAKUGO YOU BETTER NOT DO SOMETHING STUPID CONSIDERING WE’RE DEALING WITH AFO NOW DON’T JUMP IN AND GET YOUR QUIRK STOLEN, BECAUSE YOU FUCKING KNOW THIS CAN HAPPEN”- Hitting AFO in Tomura’s durable shell does nothing, but hitting the target out of the way….

11) “IS THAT ANOTHER FLASH OF YOUR LIFE BEFORE YOUR EYES BAKUGO I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD IF YOU GET YOURSELF KILLED I’M GOING TO FUCKING SCREAM”- Better warm those pipes up, it’s time to hit the high notes.

(MHA ch 276) 12) “Oh wow this does not bode well for the new big three, considering how were seeing their family members… Its like one of them is gonna die, but considering how Shoto is away from the killzone, we have a 50/50 chance of it being either Midoriya or Bakugo. I vote Bakugo, because of course I would.”- Your vote was counted, the sacrifice accepted…

(MHA ch 276) 13) “Bye bye kids, have fun as far away as fuckily possible, we don`t want any of you two dying today. Wait until Shoto get here so we have a 1/3 chance instead.”- Well, Shoto arrived, and now Bakugou’s been shishkabobbed.

14) “JESUS FUCKING CHRIST I CAN’T BELIEVE BAKUGO IS FUCKING DEAD AS IS ENDEAVOR AND SHIGARAKI BECAUSE AFO IS BACK THROUGH HIM CHRIST WHAT THE FUCK WAS THIS ALSO, HA HA FOR THE TITLE. YEAH BAKUGO IS RISING, RISING TOWARDS THE FUCKING PEARLY GATES WHAT IN THE FUCK”-

“Rising”

The arc words used alongside “origin” to mark the point wherever somebody performs a truly heroic and selfless action that elevates the from being somebody who merely took the career of a hero to actually being one in the flesh.

And just in case the Bakuagnst in this chapter wasn’t enough, here’s the volume cover.

He’s been thinking about the wrongdoing he did to Izuku for a long time, wondering how different they could have been if he’d only had to courage to reach out to Izuku as well…. NOTE: Oh, before I forget, there was actually somebody on reddit named Doodlelotl who made a few MHA chapter summeries when these were coming out the first time. They only go up to like, 337 or so, but they're pretty enjoyable. Sadly i forgot to upload them when they first became relevant, but I can patch them in here.

@thelreads

[the-unicorn-system]

its literally not though????

if people were drawing porn of the boys when they were underage, then sure, call it cp

but when people draw the grown up boys enjoying adult pleasures because they're adults, in what way is that cp? theres a lot of people who draw porn of the future turtles and have other full stories and au around the peepaw turtles

is it because the main characters are teens? are you so stuck in your own head that these characters will forever be teens in your eyes and therefor everyone must see it that way?

calling smut of adult characters cp is not only wrong, but incredibly offensive and invalidating to some of those who have suffered from actual csa

not only that, but labelling people as pedophiles when they're not may seem "justified" or "correct" in your eyes, its can be so fucking dangerous. it can and has ruined peoples lives and throwing that term around when it doesnt fit is not a habit you want to form

if you have trauma regarding that, thats not my place to judge, but it doesnt give you the right to go after artists and call them predators just because you don't like their content. you can block them and move on. or, if its really that bad to you, you should take a step back from the interent. get yourself a support system that you can talk to and build better coping mechanisms with. its not everyone elses job to cater to your needs, especially when this type of content is usually tagged properly and more often than not, locked behind a paywall

i genuinley do not understand your logic in calling adult nsfw cp because you're just wrong and spreading that narrative does only harm

okay im not going to reply anymore after this if you make another ask but you are wildly taking what i said out of context and you arent understanding what i said at ALL. but im not going to start big drama and cause any further argument. if they were teens in their media, and they didn't change for less than a fraction of some of their mini-episodes, then its gross and im not okay with it. i'm allowed to have my discomforts and limits. this is one of them. i never called anyone a pedophile. i never didnt NOT block someone for having this mindset. i have a lot of ppl on my blocklist bc they think that way. the only reason i spoke up here is bc i literally have no idea who this situation is abt so i cant block them. also, please don't make this whole smut drama overshadow the fact that there is currently a strike to free palestine from israel's genocide. it's going on until the 28th and I recommend everyone to participate if possible.

[dr4cking]

I just came across your blog and I love your writing so much. Can I request where reader and draco are in a secret relationship so she likes to tease him in public by flirting with guys!? And he gets like so possessive and fucks the living shit out of her 🧎🏼‍♀️🧎🏼‍♀️🧎🏼‍♀️🧎🏼‍♀️

Consequences.

masterlist taglist

draco malfoy x reader | smut | anon requested.

a/n : thank you for requesting! this was so fun to write! <3

this is one of the most excited things she got when she signed a deal to be in a relationship with the one and only, draco malfoy.

they have been secretly dating for 7 months and the fact that no one know about this, making the adrenaline of getting caught more exciting.

y/n loves how draco would treated her like she is the only girl for him, which is true. but she also likes how she would seek a chance of getting him worked up when she gets on his skin then she would get what she wanted.

like now, it was no different days but she decided she would add some fun today, she loves when he goes rough with her in bed and now she makes sure she would get it without having to look desperate.

y/n smirked as the brightest idea popped up in her mind. draco is the type of jealous and overprotective boyfriend, so why doesnt she proves it today?

she admit she was kinda scared when she saw the angry version of her boyfriend but she loved it at the same time. she likes to tease him, knowing he cant do anything.

and if this how she would get what she wanted then she would take it.

she walked out of her dorm and run downstairs, she knew draco already waiting for her in the great hall. it would be the perfect chance for her.

her eyes looking for the blonde haired guy as soon as she entered the great hall and she found him already looking at her, his eyes were telling her to sit near him,

but no, not today.

y/n took a seat beside theodore nott, a friend of draco who would always take his chance to flirt with all the girls who passed by him.

“hey nott, you’re looking good today” y/n raising her voice a little bit louder on purpose, draco who sat across them already fuming at her flirty voices.

“hey y/n its all you, looking hot as always.” she laughs although its not really funny, she cringed at the way her laugh sounds but play it along when she heard a thumped sounds from a fork dropped to the plate.

y/n continues her flirting with theo touching his arm and laughing about his jokes until it was time for their class. she looks at draco’s red face and give him a wink and a smirk.

“what the fuck is up with your bratty behavior today?” draco asked as he walks past her, he makes sure no one was looking in their direction.

“who are you calling brat? because i’m for sure not one.” y/n replied giving him her sly grin before she runs to the class not giving him the chance to answer her.

they were sitting next to each other in potions class, draco tried his best not to distracting the class by calling y/n’s name at any chance he got but she was still ignoring him and told him it was nothing.

“baby, did i do something wrong?” she swore she almost wanted to stop all her game when she heard the intonation in his voice but she decided to be stubborn.

“its nothing draco i promise” y/n shoots him a smile reassuring him, the least she could do right now.

professor snape called out and announce that they’re gonna make a new potion and have to partner up with someone and when he listed her name with harry potter, she couldnt get more excited as she look at draco and shot him an apologetic smile.

“hey y/n, could you bring the ingredients i’m still working on how to make this properly” she nodded at harry’s order and get the ingredients immediately but not before taking a look at draco and swaying her hips on her way making him glared at her.

“here, harry. so, what’s the first step?” y/n asked and do what harry instructed.

she keeps asking him not-so- important questions to keep their conversation going but to make it worse she touched his arm on purpose and twirling her hair.

draco behind her already watching every move she made.

but whats make draco more mad is when they finished the potion and y/n jumped happily as they successfully made the potion and give the chosen one a tight embrace.

draco stormed out of the class balling his fists up, anger radiates off of him making all people passed by him to back off a little. y/n noticed this right away feeling guilty and decided to follow him but he was nowhere at the sight.

she was still looking around for draco asking people if they’ve seen him but the answer is no.

until a cold hand grabbed her wrist harshly and pulling her in one of abandoned class. she yelped when the person lock the door and put his hand on her mouth to muffled her scream.

“you did that on purpose, dont you, brat?” y/n rubbed her thighs together as she recognized the deep voice behind her, its draco.

“now you gonna have to stay quiet and be a good girl for me while i teached you some lesson, yeah?” she only nodded at him cant speak as his hand still on her mouth.

“for the whole day i’ve been wondering what i did wrong to make you act like an ungrateful brat. but all i see now is that you just need to be tamed, right?” draco whispers into her ear guiding his free hand down to the bottom of her skirt after y/n gives him a nod of permission.

he sneaked his hand under her skirt and put it in her panties rubbing her cunt getting her aroused then he pushed in his fingers into her without warning making her body jolt out.

“you just wanted to be fucked braindead, yeah? what a dumb girl” his hand still remain on her mouth not trusting she would be able to keep her voice down.

y/n put her hand on his hand that were buried deep inside her and pushing his fingers deeper into her starting to fuck herself on his fingers making him chuckle.

“think you deserve to cum after what you did earlier, hm?” draco said taking all the control in his hand and starts to thrusting his fingers deeper and faster.

his long fingers abused her cunt just like the way she needed and when he curls them inside she screamed, luckily his other hand still covering her. she was squirming there and then under his touch.

y/n rolled her eyes back in pleasure when his fingers meet her spot and pumping into it over and over again.

draco feels her walls clenching around him and quickly pulled them out of her leaving the girl whining.

“think about the consequences next time, princess.” draco turns her around and pushes her chest against the wall, placing her ass right in front of his crotch.

“i’m sorry i’m sorry draco! please i need to cum.. fuck me please dray punish me!” y/n finally let her voice out as his hands are too busy roaming around her body.

a hard smack delivered to her ass making a loud sound causing her to whimpered at the sting.

“stay quiet princess or i will not consider about giving you the chance to cum” she shuts her mouth instantly as draco unbuckled his pants letting it falls to his ankle.

y/n cant help but letting out high pitched moan when his hand came in contact with her marked ass again and when he pushed her panties aside finally lining up his cock against her entrance.

“now you will remember who you belong to.” draco said as he slammed all of his cock inside her, pounding into her right away not giving her time to adjust.

“oh fuck! y-yes dray..” y/n moans out loud which earned her another slap on her sore ass.

“quiet, brat” she tried to hold her moan by biting her lips but it just slipped off of her especially when his tip hit her spot.

draco’s eyes rolled back in pleasure, groaning quietly as he let himself disappear inside her going in and out of her with snaps of his hips, each time it gets harder and faster.

he roughly squeezed her breasts through her shirt making her shirt ruffled and messy before letting his hand down to circling her clit.

“make yourself cum, y/n.” he slaps her sensitive clit a few times making her writhed, ripping her orgasm through her body, she doesnt care anymore when she moaned his name out loud.

“feels so fucking good” with the last thrust, draco stilled and shoots his thick cum into her non stop, painting her walls white with his liquids over and over again making the girl moaned when her panties became sticky.

draco pulls out and put his pants back on. he stared at her fucked out body before turning her around to face him and quickly pressing their lips together kissing her passionately.

“next time just ask me if you want your needy pussy to get pounded hard by me. dont you dare do that stunt ever again.” y/n nodded at his words giving him a cheeky grin. sweats running through their bodies.

and when they opened the door, all the students that passed by giving them a weird look, draco smirked at them before pulling y/n back into a deep kiss.

“mine.”

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

pls i love this one-

tagging : @dracoscum (unblock me hoe) @hellounicorn @onyourgoddamnleft @whoreforgeorgeandfred @turn-to-page-394-please @underappreciated-spoon-321 @youreso-golden @silverdelirium @dracmalf0y-dm @f4iryluvy @famishedbeak @arzfia @starstruckgranger @lieswithoutfairytales @slut4dracoo @alexthealexthealex

[elliesfern]

bird cage - chapter seven ***

summary - you’re on the run after escaping the cult you grew up in, the seraphites. you run into a woman who completely changes your course and are unsure whether or not she will let you live.

pairing - fem reader x ellie. both characters are in their 20s.

warnings - kidnapping, violence, weapons, guns, blood, injury, burns, aggressive language, animal death, mention of hanging, alcohol, drinking, nsfw. 18+ only.

*** this is something a little different, not a typical chapter. just start reading, i promise you’ll figure it out. it’s pretty short. the emojis, although a little cringe, are representations of drawings

a/n - guys i literally love you all so much. your love means the world and when you comment it makes my whole day, fr. just be aware, i cant comment on posts off this account since it’s linked to an old account, so if i don’t reply, please know i’m not trying to be rude! i really appreciate all the comments. i’d love for people to inbox me or go through my asks so i can properly say thank you <3 enjoy xx

ao3 link - https://archiveofourown.org/works/38383471/chapters/98009175

——————————————————————————————

Found a cabin to sleep in. It has a fireplace and is super warm. There was only one clicker in there when I found it but I took that mother fucker OUT.

Been away for 12 days now. Starting to run low on food. I should probably go back soon, but god I do not want to see her. I feel bad. She probably can’t stand me. Just need a break. Need to breathe.

🌲🌲🌲

I miss Joel. And Dina, and Jesse. Even Cat. I can’t imagine what they must be thinking right now. Wish I could let them know i’m ok.

I met a real scar, found her by a river drinking water. I think she’s around my age. She says she left them but i’m not so sure. She’s kind of aggressive, she bit my leg and it fucking hurt. We need to know more about the scars and why they attacked. This will be perfect, whatever it takes. But she’s making it fucking difficult.

Fell asleep on me. Must be exhausted. Also doesn’t shut up. Ever.

i don’t care

cause i’m not there

and i don’t care

if i’m here tomorrow

She tried to escape. Don’t know why I don’t just let her at this point. Holding someone captive is kinda fucked. I can’t stop thinking that Joel will be proud of me though. We’ll finally get the answers we’ve been looking for.

Says she doesn’t believe in the same things the Prophet does anymore, not sure why but thank god. The prophet seems like a complete fuckwit.

She’s quite badly injured. I think I’m treating it properly. What the fuck are you doing Ellie? This is a human being. Can’t let her know you feel bad. Vulnerability is weakness.

☀️🌙

She freaked out while I was tying her hair. Maybe she doesn’t like to be touched. Is that a scar thing?

🌻🌻🌻

I haven’t dreamt about Cat since I met the scar.

Holy fuck. This girl is super skilled with a bow and arrow. Could use her on my patrol team if she wasn’t a seraphite.

Focus on getting her back home. Nothing else. Stop being fucking weird. She’s a Seraphite!! What the fuck Ellie!!!!!!

If everyone back home saw my hair put up in two little braids like this, I would quite literally never hear the end of it. Especially from Dina. But, apparently I look ‘cute’. So it’s kind of a win.

🤍

I feel like the biggest mess of a person this earth has ever popped out and I wish I could just sink beneath the dirt and live there forever.

[souljoon]

Like a fool (pt.1)

pairing: teacher!jungkook x cafe owner!reader word count: 2k genre: fluff, smut, ex lovers au warnings: sexual content, slight dom!jungkook, sub!reader, unprotected sex (stay safe loves!)

synopsis: Everyone in the neighborhood knows you and Jungkook will inevitably end up in a wedlock despite the complicated status of your on-and-off relationship. While you want to keep a civil relationship with him, Jungkook learned not to care about labels long ago since the first time you two broke up. Whatever you’d say, he intends to keep his place in your heart taken for the rest of your life.

~~~

“Your beau is here,” Jimin prompted behind you.

Without turning in his direction, your attention to the carrot cake remaining glued to the carrot cake you were currently frosting about.

At this point, you wouldn’t even be surprised to see Jungkook on the opposite side of your bed in the morning. He seems to find it amusing to see you evidently pissed whenever he’s around. How couldn’t you? He not only takes over Jimin’s job but he often causes a scene with the customers in the cafe—which, to fuel more of your unspoken frustration, are students from the nearby community college.

You couldn’t admit how the attention he was getting from people of different gender identities still bothers you despite the mutual decision to call the engagement off. You understand your ex-fiance is a very attractive man. And his charisma could probably stir attraction from married women regardless of their age.

Over the course of six years of a complicated relationship with him, you two had already been in two break ups in college, citing his laid back self in college and your endless insecurities that urged you to try to get away from him, from the spell he had on you.

While you decided to pursue your dream to start your own cafe business post-graduation, Jungkook surprisingly landed on a teaching job in Jung-do High School which is also located in the same neighborhood two years ago. 

Footsteps are, again, back in the kitchen. “He just wore an apron. So I’m guessing he’s here until the shop closes.” It was Jimin, informing you yet again as if it was part of his job to report Jungkook’s every move to you.

This time, you sweep a brief glance behind. “Don’t let the counter vacant, Chim.” You say, cleaning up the cake board as a finishing touch to your masterpiece.

“He took over the counter, _____. How am I supposed to make him go away when he’s our own human advertisement. He’s attracting more customers!”

With a glare darted to his direction, you suggest, “Then I guess I should replace you with him, instead?”

Jimin visibly sulked, not really wanting to argue with you—his boss. “Fine!”

Six months. That’s how long you’ve been single since. Sure he had you wrapped around his fingers back then. But you wanted to prove to him and to yourself that you can live without him. However, it’s too impossible to keep up with it when he freely deems himself welcome wherever you are, maintaining his act of indifference toward the real score between you.

Intending to place the cake in the display, you finally went out of the kitchen-- ironically, just in time to run into him. Jungkook being the shameless ex-boyfriend that he is, took the cake in your hands.

He was wearing a gym class outfit— a pair of black adidas sweatpants, and a plain, white shirt over a black hoodie. If only you were not trying to stay as far as possible away from him, you’ll probably tease him about his own dress code. He doesn’t look like he just got out of his class as the teacher. He looked like he just went out of bed before he came here.

“Aren’t you supposed to be home?” You ask from behind him.

“I’m bored,” he simply replied.

“What do you mean you’re bored? Haven’t you just got off work?”

He spun around, startling you when you came face to face with him. If you couldn’t properly see his entire face before, you do now much to your annoyance.

He sighs. “I did. Look, I’m just helping Jimin-hyung out here. I won’t bother you, I swear.”

“You don’t have to because you’re not my employee, Kook.”

“Well, I could use some part time if you’re hiring.” Jungkook shrugs.

Here we go, again.

Your eyes narrowed to which roused him to raise his hands up defensively.

“Jagiya—”

“Lovebirds,” Jimin suddenly interrupts.

“What?!” You both snapped back at Jimin’s direction.

“Whoa, tone it down— you two. Restroom is right there in case you need to release the sexual tension. It’s getting intense out here.” He jests, making a shooing motions with his hands.

Jungkook wasted no more time and took it as his cue to grab your wrist, dragging you with him as he navigated the way past the kitchen into the storage room.

A temporary relief washes through you when Jungkook brought you in this enclosed, rather safe space instead of the restroom. However, dread slowly consumes your whole being when you hear the familiar sound of the knob locking.

Jungkook pivoted back, facing you. “Let’s talk here.”

Your eyes lingered down where his hand maintained his grasp around your wrist. “Why? There’s nothing else to talk about.”

“For the umpteenth time, I saw the landlord across the street like he was waiting for someone,”

You look up, quirking up an eyebrow at his sudden shot of a subject relating to Seokjin. “What’s your point?”

“I don’t trust him.” He deduces, childishly.

“What do you want me to do, find another leasing property? This shouldn’t concern you in the first place. You never once heard anything from me about Joohyun.” You mentally cursed, unable to stop yourself from mentioning the name of the woman he was seen in a restaurant a week ago.

“What’s Joohyun got anything to do with this?”

You scoff. “You know what, I don’t need to answer that. We’re not together anymore so it’s none of my business.”

Jungkook seized your attempt to leave, latching onto your arm just in time. As he pulls you back, you were met with the subtle amusement plastered obnoxiously on his face.

“We’re not done here, baby. So... Joohyun, really? My colleague?” A laugh slips out of him, seemingly pleased. You, on the other hand, felt insulted on his take of your serious remark. Your blood started rising up. So the rumors aren’t true?

You jerked away. Well... tried to, because your hand stayed locked around his firm grip. “Let me go, I need to go back to the kitchen.”

You stepped back when he abruptly inched forward. You were puzzled for a second, but when your back touched the surface of the door, you knew you fell from his trap as he steadied himself with his palms pressed flat above your head. You turned your face away, avoiding his heated gaze. But the gesture only gave Jungkook a room to nestle his head on the exposed skin of your neck.

The moment you felt his warm lips touch your skin, you squeezed your eyes shut. “You’ve been pretty good at keeping a safe distance from me, baby. You have no idea how much  I fucking miss you, missed keeping you all to myself like this.” He expresses in a thick, sultry tone.

You shake your head, knowing full well what he meant. “We c-cant, Jimin is--”

“--not here.” He finishes, pressing his lower body against yours and teasing your sweet spot with a gentle suck. The bulge on his mid-region was enough to make your panties wet instantaneously and your body heats up too quickly.

“Jungkook,” his name slips out of your mouth.

“Please tell me you’re still in birth control.” He desperately murmurs against your skin on the curve of your neck.

You frantically bobbed your head, lost at the hot trail of kisses he’s leaving on your skin.

With an eager pull of the strings on his nape and back, he rids the apron off of his front followed by a swift pull of his sweatpants with his boxers, just enough to release his hard member.

Your mouth instantaneously watered at the sight of the maddeningly pink head and aroused length, thick and hard just the way you remembered it the last time Jungkook fucked you. It happened in his car three months ago. You were too intoxicated then to control yourself from jumping up into his lap as he drove you back to your apartment. To keep your pride intact, you tried to steer clear from repeating the same mistake again. Not when you’re not officially back together.

Right now, you’re too sexually neglected to care about anything.

“I want you in my mouth,” you beg, not believing you sounded incredibly hasty than you actually have estimated.

He swats your hand off when he sensed your hand extending towards his crotch, “I’d love to fuck your mouth baby, but we don’t have that much time. I need to be inside your pussy,” You felt his palms scooping you up through your butt, sandwiching you between his body and the door. Your legs automatically weaving around his hips to steady yourself.

Then pushes your underwear aside, “This is probably the only reason why I love you wearing skirts. Easy access—fuck baby, so tight.” He barely sank his cock in, yet you could already feel the sting of your walls as they stretch around him.

Your hand flew to the back of head, eager to bury your fingers beneath his curly locks.

Just as you part your mouth to speak to encourage more his entrance, he suddenly propels his hips forward, pushing his dick to the hilt which roused a cry from you.

“Fucking tight! I’m gonna break you so much you won’t ever forget about me. You understand, darling?”

“Yes, yes, please fuck me!” You cried out, reeling from both the sting of your muscles caused by his forceful entrance, and the familiar warmth filling you full.

Without bothering to warm you up, he began a breathtaking pace despite his overwhelming intrusion. You didn’t mind, though. In fact, his thrusts were making your moans irrepressible and your thighs tremble in delight.

Jungkook places his head between the valleys of your covered mounds, not missing his faint grunts, lost in his own pleasure.

“You like that, huh? You like the idea of being fucked outside, baby girl? I’ve had enough this bullshit,” He growls with a series of rough jerk of his hips, forcing a cry of his name out of you.

“That’s right, moan my name. Just wait until I get you all alone tonight, I’ll make sure you won’t ever think of breaking up with me. Do you hear me?” He warns darkly, emphasizing the severity of his threat with a shove of his dick so deep his tip was heavenly kissing your precious spot from your insides.

“Oh god,” you lamented, deliriously.

You could already feel the building up in your abdomen just as fast as he started rocking into you. You’ve known him long enough for you to easily sense it was the same for him too, concealing his moans with his mouth latched onto your prickly skin.

“That’s right. Come for me!” he grunted in between powerful thrusts.

His command did the trick, sending your body forward as you exploded, your walls tighten around him with each snap of his hips against your pelvis. Soon enough, he jerked off his load inside you with a growl rumbling on his chest.

Grimace creases on your expression as he cautiously pulls his cock out, following his load combined with your juices gushing out of your pussy down to the insides of your thighs.

Barely recovered from the earth shattering orgasm you had for the first time in three months, you heard a series of banging coming from the other side of the door.

“You done, lovebirds?” Your eyes clenched shut in realization, quietly plotting the assassination of some guy named Jimin.

“Thanks for ruining the moment,” Jungkook retorts back. “Not a problem. You guys seriously need to get the fuck out, I ran out of beans in the jar and try not fuck each other here next time, yeah?”

Amused with the scene unfolding, Jungkook casually pushes your underwear back to its place, smoothening your skirt down as if nothing inappropriate had occurred here. He kisses the tip of your nose, before turning the knob of the door.

Couldn’t this get any more embarrassing?

~~~

Thank you for reading and apologies for any spelling/ grammatical errors. I havent edited this yet.  Part 2 will most likely be posted on Monday or Tuesday :)

[pitviperofdoom]

Obviously I can’t get through one fandom event without bringing Jongerry into it.

Aspec Archives Week Prompt: Confusion

(AO3)

Jon caught him in a kiss as they passed in the hallway, and these days that always meant trouble. Once upon a time, in the distant past of around last month, he’d been bashful about it. They both had—Gerry especially, after Jon had sat him down to explain a few things about his preferences. But that was last month, and that hurdle was well behind him. Now the question wasn’t finding the nerve to start; it was finding a reason to stop.

On a lazy Sunday morning like this, those reasons were few and far between.

They wound up on the couch, because it was closer, and that was the direction Jon had been heading, and Gerry was happy to let himself be steered. Kissing Jon was like that, now that they were both past being shy. Even with his mouth occupied, he never failed to let Gerry know exactly what he wanted and where he wanted him.

The backs of Jon’s knees hit the couch. Gerry broke the kiss for a moment, just to enjoy looming over him a bit. He liked this view of Jon—this close, staring nearly straight down while Jon tilted his head back and met his eyes.

Then he reached up, tugged Gerry back down, and kissed him again.

The noise Gerry made came out like it had been punched out of him, and he had to draw back just to catch his breath.

Jon’s hand was on his jaw, carefully tilting it so Gerry would look at him, which really wasn’t helping with—whatever was going on. His eyes were dark and serious, scrutinizing Gerry’s face as if inspecting him for an injury. “You alright?”

“Yeah,” Gerry said, more hoarsely than he meant to. “Mm. I’m good.”

“You’re sure?” Jon pressed, frowning deeply enough to form a crease between his eyebrows. Gerry kissed it before he could think better of it. “Ah—”

“How about you?” Gerry asked, even as a small but very loud part of him screamed to kiss him again, to hold him close and never stop.

“Like I said,” Jon replied, his voice raspy but warm. “This part I like.”

Gerry grinned and let himself be pulled down to the couch cushions.

Jon wound up mostly under him, propped halfway up against pillows and armrest with Gerry hovering over him, tugged down by Jon’s hand at the back of his head. He kissed Gerry the way he always did, so gentle and unhurried, but with just enough insistence to make his heart race with an unfamiliar thrill.

Felt a bit dangerous, sometimes. And while Gerry was no stranger to it, it was different now, when he finally had something he wasn’t willing to risk.

Lots of things were different, with Jon. But different could be good, different could be new and exciting before it settled into a comfort, like hands in his hair sliding down to the back of his neck, like the teasing warmth of his mouth, like arms around him holding him close—

Then Jon turned his head, fingers digging firmly into the back of Gerry’s neck, and mouthed at the corner of his jaw with just a hint of gentle teeth. In an instant, Gerry went hot with want. His body moved before his brain caught up, canting his hips forward into Jon’s.

Beneath him, Jon startled and pulled back, and Gerry belatedly realized what he’d just done.

“Shit—” He shoved himself off of Jon, face heating—not desire this time, just mortification. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to—”

“It’s fine—”

“I didn’t forget, I just—that’s never happened before—”

“Gerry I’m serious, it’s fine.”

“—and I don��t know where the fuck that came from,” Gerry went on, mouth running with nervous, frantic energy.

Jon was sitting up, pushing his hair back out of his face. “I think I have a pretty good idea.” His eyes flickered vaguely downward.

There wasn’t much he could do about that particular situation, so Gerry sat back and drew his knees up to his chest, breathing deep to slow his racing heart. All traces of warm excitement were gone, replaced by hot, prickling shame.

“Sorry,” he muttered.

Jon scooted closer and carefully took his hand. “It’s alright,” he said. “I mean it. No harm done—look, can you just sit properly? You look horribly uncomfortable.”

“Better me than you.”

“What do you mean by—oh, for God’s sake.” Jon sighed, infinitely patient and—fond? Maybe? “Gerry, I’m asexual, not a prude. I’m not going to faint at the sight of a clothed erection.”

Gerry choked on an unexpected laugh, then slid his feet down to sit in a more comfortable position, Mercifully, he was already softening.

“I’m—” He bit down on another apology.

Jon hadn’t let go of his hand yet. “If it makes you feel better, that’s probably the fastest anyone’s gotten off when I asked.” Gerry stared at him wordlessly. “I mean—don’t look at me like that, I meant literally—physically gotten off of me when—oh, you know what I mean!”

“Right, right.” Abruptly, the words sank in, and he went stiff with alarm. “Wait. Jon, does that mean—have other people…?”

“What—? Oh!” Jon’s eyes widened. “No. God, no—I’m sorry, that came out wrong. No one’s ever—right. What I meant was that, of the very few times I’ve been in this situation before, the other person was usually… I mean, they stopped when I asked, but I had to ask, and sometimes I got the feeling that they were… sort of reluctant? It made things extremely awkward, more often than not.”

“This isn’t awkward?” Gerry asked dryly.

“In comparison? Hardly at all.” Jon squeezed his hand. “And even if it were, I’ve had my share of awkwardness.”

Gerry squeezed back, finally starting to settle. “That so.”

“I’m going to regret telling you this, but my first kiss was an absolute disaster,” Jon informed him. “I went for the cheek, he went for the mouth.”

“Yikes,” Gerry said with a wince.

“Oh, but I haven’t told you the worst part,” Jon went on. “I turned my head away, and he went for the side of my neck—no, stop laughing—he latched on like he was a bloody vampire—”

He couldn’t help it. Gerry dissolved into laughter, ducking his head and muffling it behind his fist. At some point he looked up again to find that Jon had scooted closer in his distraction. He liked when Jon got sneaky.

But did he like it the right way, was the question.

“Alright?” Jon asked, tentatively brushing their shoulders together.

“Guess so,” he replied, with another long breath. “Better, at least. Could be loads worse.”

Jon was running the pad of his thumb over each of Gerry’s knuckles now, in slow, back-and-forth swipes. “You don’t sound very sure of that,” he said after a moment.

“Maybe not.” Gerry sat back, leaning his head on the back of the sofa. Jon continued to play with his hand, tracing the outline of each tattoo. It felt—nice. Not the dangerous sort of nice that he’d just now managed to dodge. Just comfortable. Fond. (Loving.)

“If you—” Jon began. He hesitated, pressing Gerry’s hand between his palms. “I’m not the best at this. But if it’s really bothering you, then I need you to know that you don’t—you don’t have to feel guilty about this, it’s not like you can—I don’t know, make yourself stop feeling… whatever it is you feel.” He paused again. “Anymore than I could make myself feel it at all.”

“That’s the problem, though,” Gerry admitted. “I shouldn’t be.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t know, I just shouldn’t!” Frustration welled up in him, and he tugged his hand out of Jon’s grasp without thinking. “I never have before, but now I am and I don’t know why. I’ve lived my whole life without giving people a second glance, and it never crossed my mind because I just—I never had the space for it. Good thing, too; dunno what I would’ve done if I had to deal with that on top of everything else.”

“Right,” Jon said softly.

“And then I met you,” Gerry went on. “And we had that talk. And I thought, fuck, there’s a word for it, it’s just a thing and it’s fine, it’s not just me being—being not right. There’s a reason why I’ve never given anyone a second glance, not even you. At least—not at first.” His voice trailed off, words running dry. “I dunno. It’s just been different recently. I look at you and… and I think about things I never have before.”

“Me?” Jon stared at him incredulously. “You feel that way about me?”

“I know you don’t like that,” Gerry answered, trying not to sound as miserable as he felt.

Jon gave a quick shake of his head, though whether it was denial or just to clear his head, Gerry couldn’t tell. “No, that’s not—I just mean, why? Why on earth would you—me, of all people?”

“Because you’re hot, apparently. Can we not argue about that while I’m having a crisis?”

Jon shrank a little, looking ashamed. “Right. Sorry.”

“It’s fine. Surprised me too, to be honest.” Gerry looked away. “Feels like—more like greed than lust, sometimes. Like the more I get of you, the more I want.”

At that, Jon sat up straight, and Gerry realized how that must have sounded.

“I’m not gonna ask you for any more,” he said quickly, cutting off whatever Jon was about to say. “We had that talk, and I listened, alright, and it’s been—it’s been good. Really good. I don’t need anything more, especially if you don’t want to.”

“I know,” Jon assured him.

“Oh.” He deflated a bit. “Good, then.”

“Can I ask you a question?” Jon asked.

“I’ve about spilled my guts already, but sure, maybe there’s a bit of spleen I missed,” Gerry said wearily.

“It’s a bit personal, but… have you ever been close to anyone before?” Jon asked. “Emotionally close? Friendships, anything like that?”

“No…? No.” Gerry shook his head. “Never had the chance. I don’t have that kind of life. What does that have to do with anything?”

“Well… I mean, far be it from me to impose a label on you,” Jon said cautiously. “But from the way you describe it… it’s possible you might be demisexual?’

Gerry frowned. Another new word. Demi usually meant half or partial. “What’s that one mean? I only want it sometimes?”

“Sort of.” Jon had grabbed his phone off the side table and was scrolling through it. “It’s on the spectrum of asexuality. To my understanding, it’s when you only experience attraction when you’ve formed an emotional connection with someone.”

“That’s a thing?” Gerry leaned over his shoulder to see the screen. “Don’t tell me there’s an app for this.”

Jon laughed. “No, but there is a wiki—here it is. Demisexual. Have a look.”

Gerry took his phone and read through the definition, frowning in thought.

It certainly sounded like what the past month had been like. And it explained a few things—he’d been alone his whole life until Jon, and even with Jon he hadn’t wanted him at first sight. It had taken time. It had grown into it—as far as he could tell, it was still growing, still changing.

“Say you’re right,” he said at last, looking up from the phone screen to Jon’s face. “Say this is me. Where does that leave us?”

Jon shrugged. “Same place as usual, I hope,” he answered. “If… this doesn’t change anything for you?”

“Should it?”

“Maybe.” Jon shrugged again. “I don’t know. I’ve just found that it helps to have a word. Makes things simpler if you can at least name them.”

With a sigh, Gerry passed his phone back. “Would’ve been even simpler if I could just be like you, not feel this shit at all.”

Jon put the phone down. Then, turning so that he was fully facing Gerry, he took his face between his hands.

“You are,” he said, as his dark, serious eyes bored into Gerry’s. “You’re just a step to the left, that’s all. But you are like me.”

It was enough to rob him of speech for the better part of a minute. When he found his voice again, he leaned forward until his forehead was on Jon’s chest.

“See, you say things like that and then turn around and wonder why I think you’re attractive.”

Jon spluttered, even as his arms wrapped around Gerry’s shoulders and pulled him back down. They didn’t kiss again, just lay squashed together on the couch with Gerry sprawled on top, enjoying the warmth and closeness without feeling like he was scratching an itch that would never settle.

“Thanks,” he said, after the silence stretched long enough to circle back around to comfortable again.

“Whatever for?”

“Dunno.” Gerry pressed his face into the soft fabric of Jon’s shirt. “Glad you’re here. Glad you’re you.”

Jon gave a noncommittal hum, like he wasn’t sure whether to agree or how to answer. His fingers combed softly through Gerry’s hair, and after a moment Gerry let himself lean into the touch, Jon’s quiet amusement.

He was no stranger to wanting things, but—all he needed was this, right here.

It was more than he ever would have dared to hope for.

[btspenandpaper]

Wine Chat

This is another little snippet I started at work. It's an honest conversation between two friends over a glass or two of wine. This is a bit of emotional dump so be gentle on me.

@mochilatae @purgatorywriter

"I am being serious,” you poked Jimin's arm as you took another sip of your wine pretending to pout. Your stomach felt like it was about to burst. That last bite of burrito had been too much. "I am already 9 months pregnant after eating that thing. I don't even know how I have room for this wine." You couldn't stifle the giggle that slipped through your lips and neither could your best friend as he snorted in his wine. You both made eye contact and burst into a fit of laughter.

Today had absolutely been perfect. Life had been insane as of late. Work was ramping up, your home life had been strenuous at best, and you had jus needed to get away. When Jimin had recommended to hide away in the little mountain town a two-hour drive away from your house you had jumped at the opportunity. Jimin had rented a little condo for two days. You had got in his car early in the morning, he had even brought you a coffee, and swung your bag in his back seat. You had packed light. Your laptop for writing and your favorite pjs for comfy relaxing. 

The road out to the mountains had brought stress relief with every mile. The further you went from the city the closer you came to bliss. You had spent the day perusing the small main street, window shopping and talking. After a quick grocery shop and stop at the liquor store you had headed to the cozy condo that would work as well as home for the weekend.

Jimin had picked well. With high ceilings and a beautiful balcony that overlooked the mountains, the fresh mountain air was able to absorb into your body protecting you from the worries of the world.

Once you two had calmed down from your giggle fit you swirled your wine contemplatively in your glass. You sighed deeply, watching the red liquid move like a whirlpool in the long stemmed glass.

“Do you think he got the message?” You didn’t look at Jimin. You had both agreed that this would be a partner free zone, but the question had bubbled up before you had time to remember that. As wonderful as the day had been it couldn’t fully distract from the crumbling walls that were coming down at home.

For years you and your significant other had been relatively happy. You thought you had been anyway. Then one chink had appeared in your armor, and he hadn’t been there to fix it so you slapped a band aid on it, a partial solution to a full blown problem, and had tried to move forward. All of a sudden, you realized your armor was nothing more than linen and bandages and you needed help.

The alleged hard part was over. The fighting, the crying, the being honest, and crying some more. The leaving work early because you couldn’t handle being around people. You had learned you had to be selfish and ask for you want. Every single damn thing. It seemed like more work and it felt like more work but everyone you had talked to, including Jimin, said this is how your relationship would keep working.

Your trust in the people you loved kept you going. Realizing that your relationship wasn’t the fairy tale you had tried to convince yourself it was, was heartbreaking. Knowing that you weren’t on the same page at all with your partner was worse. Realizing you had lost yourself somewhere and you couldn’t even figure out the destination to go pick yourself back up, now that crossed a line. It was only thanks to your friends had you realized you had compromised yourself so much and had gone so far away from who you wanted to be.

“I don’t know,” Jimin replied after a deep smile. His eyes held kindness, but his words provided no comfort. You swallowed hard looking back at your wine.

“Fuck me Jimin, this is exhausting.” you breathed. This conflict felt like everything else in your relationship. For you to take care of. You weren’t sure you were making the right decision being with your partner anymore. Yet you kept fighting tooth and nail for the relationship that felt destined to fail. It was up to your partner to figure out how to piece you together now, through love and support, and you weren’t sure if he had to tools to do it properly. 

“I know hun,” Jimin reached his hand out across the two lounge chairs you were sitting on and held your hand, rubbing the thumb across the back of it. Small circles that made you feel supported and cared for. At least you had your friends and family, and they all seemed much more optimistic than you did at this point.  

“I don’t know what to do anymore,” it was the honest truth. Your problem solving, planner, organizer, structured self had completely let go of the reigns. There was no solution to this. Your partner was going to have to break down the wall they had created piece by piece. It didn't seem fair to test them. In your mind they were walking on egg shells with every action they did. But when your cats got more love and attention then you did things needed to change. 

“Its not up to you to do anything, they need to figure it out now.” Jimin’s words struck a nerve. You knew he was right and yet they were so frustrating to hear.

“So I am just supposed to sit here, not do anything, remind them of everything and hope they get the message? Pray they start paying attention to me?” you scoffed going to take a sip of wine. 

“Yes”

Jimin’s answer stopped time, stopped you mid sip of wine, and you felt yourself crumbling, your chest tightening and your head pounding. Shit. He was right. 

“But you know me Minnie, I cant just......”

“Let it go hun. Its up to them now to do the work. You’ve done your time.”

“But what if something happens and  they never learn.....”

“Then you know what to do.” 

You knew he was right. Your best friend who was always by your side. Who had seen you through all your ups and downs. He was right and you were terrified. Your whole world since you were 16 had encircled one person and now it couldn’t encircle that person anymore. But why did treating yourself with love and compassion seem so hard. After all you freely gave it out to others. But yourself, you didn’t know if you could love yourself. 

“You’ll be ok”. A tear started to fall down your cheek. “You are strong you will be ok.”

“Why is this so hard,” you almost begged the universe for an answer. You squeezed Jimin’s hand and put your wine down on the floor to wipe your eyes. 

“Because you care darling, because you care so much but you got to care about yourself first or else you will never truly be happy.” 

“You are right, I know you are right.” Jimin took your hand and gave a reassuring kiss on the back of it where the circles had been drawn. 

“Come here you,” he said getting up from his chair and wrapping you into a hug. You both stayed there for a long time not wanting to be the one to let go first. You buried your face in his shoulder and breathed in his soft amber, cinnamon scent. 

“Thank you Jimin, “ you said finally letting go of the hug and taking a deep breathe. A sense of calm was starting to float down on you and rest on your shoulders. You would be ok because you weren’t alone. 

[shackermanwrites]

Lifetime

Summary: When everything's falling apart in your life, and you don't know what to do anymore, maybe asking the universe for something isn't a bad idea after all. In which Sol Reader finds herself in another reality after begging the universe for something. Everything is going well not until she was put into Levi's squad.

Chapter 4 -> Chapter 5

Lifetime Masterlist

“Read that carefully, the three of you, and sign it after. It will be an indicator that you understand it.”

You scan the paper as soon as it was handed to you, it is mainly about the jobs assigned, especially to Levi’s Squad. There is no turning back now, that is for sure. You carefully fold the paper in half and put it inside your jacket before returning your gaze to Levi.

‘This must be his office,’ you assume while examining the place carefully. The room is neat and clean, everything is in order considering that it must be hard to manage time by training cadets and giving orders 24/7 but still manage it to keep his office clean.

“Training tomorrow morning, be on time.” Levi looked at you when he said those last words, he did not say it but you know it is an order precisely for you yet your mind is still preoccupied with how clean his office and how he has so many books in his shelf.

‘I wonder what kind of book does he have. The library is far from here to even borrow some books,’ you thought to yourself.

“That’s all of today, the two of you can leave, and you Reader, I need to talk to you.” You turn your head back to Levi when you heard your name. He was arranging some papers while waiting for the two to leave.

Jean and Mikasa gave a salute at Levi before glancing at you to smile. Jean gave you a smile pat on your shoulder before leaving you with the Corporal.

“I am busy, so I'm going to make this quick,” he placed his hand on the table while his eyes are glued in yours. “I don’t tolerate the kind of behavior you were showing earlier. Sol reader, right? Do me a favor and be useful, properly do your job from now on. You top your class, so expect more.”

You are out of words by what the captain had just said.

You felt angry from what he just said to you, he's calling you useless, he's indirectly saying that you're not doing your job correctly. What does he know? You two have met less than an hour ago.

He reminds you of someone that’s for sure, and you don’t like it. You admit that it's your fault for being late, but you know that you're more than that, you’re helpful, and you can benefit this squad.

You rolled your eyes at him when you decided for yourself that you will be the bigger person here and understand him. There's no point in arguing since you just graduated and you don’t exactly know how they run things in the higher-ups.

“I already apologized for that, and I'm sure that it will never happen again.” You softly said while you look into his eyes to show how sincere you are.

There was a short silence after that. It seems that he was thinking of a response to your statement.

“Very well, that is all for tod-“ he was cut off by a loud, aggressive knock on his door that made you flinched. The door was immediately opened, revealing a tall woman with glasses, and she’s holding a lot of papers in her hands.

“What is it that you want four eyes? I thought you were with Moblit?” Levi said while rubbing the bridge of his nose.

You sense that he was annoyed by her presence, but you don’t seem to know why because judging by her looks, she looks friendly.

“Yes, I was with Moblit but not anymore! Also, here are the papers for your- oh hello ther dear, who are you?” She asked you with a smile on her face as she sat in front of Levi's.

‘The same similar cape captain levi wears’ you immediately gave her a salute before answering her.

“Sol Reader, ma'am.”

Her delighted expression slowly turns into a shocked one as she looks at you.

“Well, isn’t Reader! Congratulations on being at the top! I didn’t know shorty here would agree to have you on his squad! I was about to pick you on my squad personally, well I do science and experiments, so it must be boring to you since you are more likely to be physically active! Oh, I'm Hange, by the way, section commander.”

You don’t know how to describe it, but you felt joy about how she casually talks to you, you thought she was just a friendly person, but she was also lovely and kind.

“Well-“ you start as you gave her a smile before glancing at your captain, who was already looking at you the entire time.

“Tch, if you're thinking about changing squad, I suggest do it now.” He started arranging his papers in front of him.

No one in the room noticed it, but Levi was slightly hurt because you look like you're having second thoughts about joining his squad, or maybe he's just in denial that he thought of you regretting your decision to be on his squad.

You smiled at her and glanced at Levi, that is now writing and signing on a bunch of papers.

“Uhm, thank you so much, commander Hange, but I want to be on Levi’s squad. Although I can come to visit you from time to time if you're doing experiments. I can help you with that since I have knowledge about science and medicine.” You gladly replied to her.

“Oh, that’s great! You know I like you already! You can come by my office if you want to talk, not just about science, okay?”

“Might as well have some tea right here while the both of you have a chit-chat in my office.” The annoyed look on his face didn’t stop Hange from bothering him, saying that he should loosen up and stuffs.

You politely excused yourself for them to talk privately and for you to breathe some fresh air from the talk earlier.

-

“Well? What brings you here, Hange? I'm busy.” Levi mumbled while he’s still glued into the paper works he’s carefully reading.

“Oh come on shorty, I just brought the papers you need to sign, and there’s a letter there from Erwin. You have a new squad, so why didn’t you asked your assistant to help you with paperwork?”

Levi didn’t actually need an assistant, yes every higher up can assign an assistant from their squad, but Levi doesn’t consider that he needs one. Still, the paperwork that was was given to him are already enough for him to go crazy, not to mention that more are being added day by day.

“Yeah, I might assign one. I need to check first their handwritings if it's good.” He replied as he continues to sign on the papers.

Hange just smiled softly at him since she knows how hard it is to read and make reports all day.

“Well, I need to go now, do me a favor and rest from time to time, shorty!” hange stood up from the chair and marched her way to the door.

“Yeah fuck off four eyes.” He annoyedly replied.

“Love you too short bean.” Hange yelled before leaving his office.

Levi never really talks to many people, and Hange and Erwin are the only person he considers as his friends. They are the only person who can tolerate his behavior and understood him. He might now show it, but he’s more than thankful for them and the way they annoy him.

-

“Atleast I don’t look like a horse.”

“Fuck you dude, look at yourself in the mirror. You look like horse shit.”

You mentally slap yourself as you listen to the two men on your right and left arguing like little boys.

Jean dragged you to go town to buy some stuff and just to look around but you didn’t expect it to be this chaotic.

Jean and Eren have been friends since the two of you joined the scouts, they are friends, but both of them argue all the time like little kids, and you and Mikasa are like their mothers who would take care of them.

Being in the middle of them doesn’t help at all since both your right and left ears are tired of hearing the same insult for thirty minutes now.

“Will the two of you shut it before I actually lose my mind right now make the two of you marry each other?” you calmly said to them, but the threat in your voice is visible.

“Hah, oh by the way, how did it go with captain Levi? I hope he did not punish you for earlier?” jean asked while the three of you stopped in a stall that sells foods.

“What? Why? What happened?” Eren asked while he points at certain foods at the seller.

“She got in trouble for being late, and she bumped into captain Levi,” Jean replied while offering you his half-bitten bread with cheese that he just bought.

“Yeah, but no worries, nothing happened. I guess he just let it slide at the moment.” You replied before taking a bite on Jean’s bread.

“Woah, you’re lucky Sol, one time I couldn't transform into my titan form and Captain Levi beat the shit out of me. I mean, gotta push something in me right.” Eren said while he pays for the food he bought.

You cant help but to feel bad for Eren, his family is one of the treasured and known family in Paradis since his family holds the attack and founding titan for centuries that has been passed by generations.

The nine titans are initially from Paradis, they are meant to be excluded in this world since their origin is still unknown, but Marley stole the seven titans. Not only that, they used it for their plan, to win wars between different countries. It just happens that the founding and attack titan are still in Paradis. Yet the people in Paradis still don’t know the power it holds even after all those experiments due to the lack of knowledge and things to use.

Eren fighting seven titans is impossible. That is why they are experimenting with him to see if there can be improvements in the future for him to master.

The three of you stroll around the market while buying foods and drinks until you are satisfied. You talked a lot with them about the training and the new squad.

You saw some stalls are already closing since it's almost dawn, but this one stall caught your attention, the paintbrushes and the charcoals and the paints they sell. You didn’t know they sell one here.

“hold on ill be back.” You quickly ran towards the stall to look at the supplies they sell. There are a lot of different varieties but you know you're short of money now.

“Oh do you paint my dear? I have lots here, you can pick before I close the stall.” The old lady smiles at you.

Your hands made their way to a compiled papers, a set of paints, and a paintbrush since you don’t have enough money to afford more.

“Just this please, thank you.” You look at the lady wrapping the things you bought on a piece of paper before handing it to you.

‘Well, there goes my allowance for the week,’ you thought.

-

It was already nighttime when you had the chance to open the materials you bought, you're still unsure if you can still paint or even draw. Heck you don’t even know if you can.

But to know, you at least need to try. Your shaky hands grab the paintbrush and dip it on the paint before aligning it on the paper.

You don’t know what to draw.

“Fuck” you groaned at yourself for not being able to draw, you thought this was pointless, but you still wanna try.

You quickly grab your scarf and wraps it around your neck before collecting your materials to head outside. You thought that maybe being outside can help you paint a picture in your head to bring into life.

Just as you thought, not a single soul can be seen outside since it's cold, and most people are tired.

You quickly sat on a bench you saw and placed the paint right beside you. You looked up to the sky and saw the moon beautifully shining right in front of your eyes, that’s when you noticed the scenery above you, you can't help but admire it.

You grabbed your things and started painting on what your eyes saw just now. You didn’t really care if it is neat or messy since you want to start from scratch.

It's been a while since you have done this.

You always felt happy when you remember that you can paint, you always think of it as a gift since you can bring the things your naked eye can see into a picture. You can even create the things you want to see and want to bring into life.

“Cadet, what are you doing here?” you flinched in shock when you heard a voice from behind you that caused you to overline the moon you're drawing.

Well, there goes your gift of painting.

You angrily looked behind you to see Levi standing inches away from the bench. You noticed that he wears more casual clothes even when training and work hours are already done

“I can't sleep, so I was trying to paint, but now it's ruined, sir..” You replied to him before returning your gaze to your ruined painting.

“It's not my fault that it's ruined.” He deadpanned said before looking up in the sky and glancing at your work.

“I never said that it is your fault.” You replied while collecting your things back.

It was pointless to continue. Besides, you are already feeling tired and it's getting cold.

“Tch, get back to your room now cadet, its already late. We don’t want you showing up late again tomorrow.” He said before turning his back to yours.

You just realized that the bench you're sitting at is located in front of his office.

Maybe he doesn’t hate you at all, maybe it's just because he wants his squad to be more than responsible that’s why he is strict about certain things when it comes to being his squad.

“Thank you, captain, good night.” You softly said loud enough for him to hear it before you went your way to your room.

[horansqueen]

You & Me : chapter 45

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

Sequel to AM CONVERSATIONS

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 20 || CHAPTER 21 || CHAPTER 22 || CHAPTER 23 || CHAPTER 24 || CHAPTER 25 || CHAPTER 26 || CHAPTER 27 || CHAPTER 28 || CHAPTER 29 || CHAPTER 30 || CHAPTER 31 || CHAPTER 32 || CHAPTER 33 || CHAPTER 34 || CHAPTER 35 || CHAPTER 36 || CHAPTER 37 || CHAPTER 38 || CHAPTER 39 || CHAPTER 40 || CHAPTER 41 || CHAPTER 42 || CHAPTER 43 || CHAPTER 44

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his -4k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

READ AM CONVERSATIONS AGAIN ON WATTPAD HERE

- notes: please take note that this is mostly a filler chapter, just like chapter 46 and 47 will be. I have everything planned for 48, 49 and 50 tho. and then the story will be over :( if you want anything added to the filler chapters, please message me. tbh i would love you so so much lol! so yea, im super stressed about ending this story, i cant even explain. ALSO: time will pass quicker in the last few chapters so check the dates!

if you want to be on the list of blogs i notify when this is updated, just message me :)

requests! : the 2 requests added will be posted at the bottom of this post to avoid spoilers!!!

TAKE A LOOK AT THE CHARACTERS HERE

Chapter 45 : His chapter

NIALL

August 16th, 2018

I didn't know exactly what woke me up but I just turned around in bed, wrapping my arm around Liv's body and moving a bit closer before trying to fall back asleep. Unfortunately, my phone started vibrating on my bedside table and I groaned when I realized I forgot to put it on mute before falling asleep. I couldn't remember how long how making love session had lasted and I couldn't even remember when I actually fell asleep.

I grimaced and sighed before turning around and reaching out for my phone, searching for it with my eyes closed. My fingers finally gripped it and I decided to sit up, rubbing my eyes as I tried to read the message I had received. I noticed Louis' face next to the message and I frowned. It's not that Louis never texted me but I was still surprised to see that notification, especially so early in the morning.

'Had fun last night? 😏' was all he had sent me along with a link.

I turned to look at Olivia who was still deeply asleep, laying on her stomach, with the covers just over her butt and I finally got out of bed slowly and gently, making sure I wouldn't wake her up. I walked to the kitchen, letting out a yawn as I passed my hand in my messy hair, and decided to make coffee as I clicked on the link.

I frowned when I recognize my living room and I saw myself get up from the couch, suddenly realizing it was my instagram live from the night before. i frowned more, wondering why Louis would send me the link since I couldn't remember saying or doing anything remotely bad but when Olivia's legs appeared in the screen, I realized my mistake. I had probably not stopped the live properly and my heart jumped in my chest, trying to remember what exactly we had said and done right after.

I heard my girlfriend tell me I was a good person and groaned low again when I heard myself ask her if it turned her on. No one could see us kiss since the laptop was placed on the coffee table and we were standing up but even if I was whispering, the words "I'm gonna miss you so much." could easily be heard before she replied that she was going to miss me more.

"Fucking hell..." I whispered as I blinked a few times, staring at the screen where we could clearly see me leading Liv in the hall as she stepped back, our lips attached to each other's as we made out.

She hit the wall and we both laughed as I let out a 'clumsy ass!' the way I always did before an 'I love you' escaped my lips. I felt my heart jump in my chest knowing so many people had actually witnessed something so personal and I swallowed before sighed and passing my hand in my hair again. We disappeared from the screen as the sound of a door being closed could be heard and I realized the video lasted 4 more minutes where nothing could be heard or seen. It had probably been about an hour since I started the livestream which was why it finally cut and I put my phone away and closed my eyes, wondering what exactly would be the repercussion of this video. I didn't want to go on twitter to read what people were saying but I knew that I would at least have to tell Liv about it.

I poured myself a cup of coffee and my lips curled slightly when I heard my girlfriend yelled from the bedroom.

"HOLY FUCKING SHIT!"

"Okay, she already knows." I whispered to myself, taking a sip from my hot drink and leaning against the counter.

It took her only a few seconds but I saw her appear in front of me, her hair even messier than mine and wearing only my shirt. I wanted to be stressed by all this but when I saw her, my lips curled in a fond smile.

"Did Louis send it to you too?" was the first thing that got out of her mouth and I just nodded before turning around and grabbing a mug to pour her some coffee too. "That's it? That's all I get? A nod?"

I took the time to add sugar and cream in her coffee and finally turned around again to hand it to her. She stared at me for a few seconds before her eyes fell on the mug and she sighed, taking it from my hands.

"Is there anything else to say?" I just asked, shrugging a shoulder. "I mean it's on the internet probably forever and honestly, we've been lucky, especially thinking about all the times we actually just fucked on the couch I mean, this video could be so much worse."

She looked away and her eyebrows raised before she grimaced. "Yea, I guess that's some way to see it." she let out before taking a sip. "I just... Gosh I don't know, I feel violated."

"I'm sorry. Honestly, I feel like shit too. It's my mistake and it's a very bad one." I admitted, raising my nose up. "I'm sorry, petal."

Her eyes met mine and she took a step closer, tilting her chin up to keep her gaze locked with mine. I stared at her back as she blinked a few times and her thin lips curled into a fond smile.

"You're forgiven."

I let my eyes roamed on her face, knowing it was a big thing to be so easily forgiven for something like that, especially that we were both aware she would get a lot of hate because of it. I bent down slightly and let my lips brush against hers before closing my eyes and bringing my hands up to her cheeks to deepen the kiss. When we stopped, she kept hers lips pressed against mine and sighed low.

"I'm gonna turn off my notifications on twitter for a while."

I raised my nose up in a grimace and groaned. "Me too." I kissed her lips again. "We can just ignore the comments together. I promise we'll be fine."

"I know." she whispered, her lips brushing against mine. "I trust you."

I felt something stir in my heart at her words, knowing I had lost her trust last year and I had worked hard to get it back. Still, despite my efforts, she didn't have to give it back to me again, but she had, and I couldn't explain how much it meant to me.

"Thank you, pet."

                                                       ---

August 17th, 2018

I woke up around 10am, knowing I should have been up before. I had a concert on the same night and even if it was barely a two hours ride, we had to get there early to rehearse and make sure everything was in place. I was surprised to realize my girlfriend was not in bed anymore as I reached my arm on the mattress, my hand only meeting the cold sheets of the bed.

Quickly, I opened my eyes, blinking a few times, and stretched before getting up and dressing up. I walked to the kitchen only to see Liv and her lips curled when she saw me. I frowned, still surprised that she was already up, and took the mug she was handing me. I liked this habit that we had to prepare coffee if we were the first one to wake up. We had never talked about it but we just did it naturally and it was one of the many small things that made this whole relationship stronger.

"You're up early." I just pointed out before taking a sip.

"Will you miss me?" she asked quickly, ignoring my comment and making me frown.

"You know I will, petal, why are you asking?" I chuckled, taking a step closer and raising my eyebrows.

The truth was, I didn't want to leave without her but at the same time, I didn't want to force her to come with me. I knew following me on tour was not as fun as it may sound and I also knew she was busy. Of course, the fact that she was done with the season of her show gave her more free time, but the Olivia I discovered after being away from her for over a year was more independent than the Olivia I broke the heart to. She had also been right the last time we had a discussion about being away from each other. She had said it would bring us even closer and stronger together, and it had. We had spent a lot of time texting, facetiming and talking on the phone and I couldn't hide that I had missed her like crazy, but when we finally got to see each other again, it was intense. Besides, nothing would ever stop me from seeing her if at some point, it became too hard to be apart.

"How bad are you going to miss me?" she asked, once again ignoring my question.

"Pet, if I could, I'd put you in my bags and bring you with me."

This answer seemed to satisfy her as her lips curled more and she licked them before putting her mug away. I took a sip in mine but quickly, she grabbed it too and put it next to hers before taking my hand and pulling me with her.

"Are you bringing me in bed for a good fuck or something?"

This time, she laughed and the sound of it made me smile. She brought me to the hall and my lips parted when I saw her luggage in the lobby, laying near the door. I turned to her after a few seconds and she raised her eyebrows.

"If you don't want me to come with you, I'll definitely understand." she just said, shaking her head. "But I've had enough to be away from you. I miss you too much. What do you say?"

I felt my heart jump in my chest and let out a low chuckle before bending down slightly and wrapping my arms right under her butt to lift her up. She let out a short scream and a laugh, making my smile grow.

"Fuck yes!"

"Niall! Put me down! You're gonna hurt yourself!"

I did as she asked and as soon as she was back on her feet, I pushed her against the wall and looked down at her with a smile. She looked up and licked her lips before nibbling on her bottom one, her eyes never leaving mine and a smile still spread on her face.

"I didn't want to force you into coming with me, but fuck, I wanted to ask you to follow me again." I whispered, bending down slightly to brush my nose against hers. "Thank you for coming with me. It makes me so happy, darling."

"I was not sure if you still wanted me to come. I don't want to be annoying, or dependent. I just want to be with you."

My happy smile turned into a fond one. I didn't want her to ever believe she bothered or annoyed me. I was not the kid I used to be when I broke up with her, I didn't see things the same way, and I had learned.

"I always want to be with you. Your presence is a gift for me, I want you to always remember that, okay?" I murmured, feeling my lips brush against hers as I talked. "Don't ever try to be someone else. I love you best when you're just yourself."

She chuckled. "Did you just quote your own song?"

I sent her a smirk and shrugged, my body still pressed on hers. "It's my words, I can use them whenever I want. Besides, I wrote it for you, so."

"Okay but, can I really show you my heart? You promise you won't break it again?"

I rubbed my nose gently and slowly against hers again, making her eyelids flutter slightly.

"I swear." I breathed. "You're everything I want."

                                                   ---

September 12th, 2018

When I walked back in the hotel room after the show, my lips curled when I noticed Liv coming out of the bathroom, her body wrapped in a fluffy white towel. She looked surprised for half a second and finally sent me a smile while tilting her head. I took a few steps closer and placed my hands on her hips but she quickly took a step back and shook her head.

"Nooo, nop!" she let out, making me raise her eyebrows. "You're all sweaty and shit. Take a shower first!"

"I thought seeing me all sweaty made you horny." I argued, my lips curling into a smirk.

"Watching you all wet turns me on too." she admitted, pressing her lips together. "Go shower and I promise to stay naked, deal?"

This time, I smirked even more and waggling my eyebrows, making her laugh. "Can I get a glimpse?" I asked, pulling gently on the top of the towel and letting my gaze drop in her cleavage.

"No!" she argued, slapping my hand slightly and chuckling. "Hurry!"

I groaned and rushed to the bathroom, getting quickly undressed and starting the shower. I let out a sigh as I tilted my chin, feeling the warm water fall in my face and wet my hair. The past months had been exhausting, mentally and physically, but I could actually say that I was in the exact place I wanted to be. I didn't feel this hole inside my chest anymore. Somehow, it was filled with something that I desperately needed without really realizing it. It was not only the love we had for each other that mattered, it was also the friendship, the history, the trust, the hope and the need we felt toward the other... all of this filled everything that needed to be filled. She was my home, and I was hers. I had never felt like that for anyone else in my life.

I quickly got out of the shower and dried my body and hair before wrapping the towel around my waist. When I walked back in the room, my lips parted slightly and I stopped dead in my track. She was laying in bed, on her stomach, her headphones on as she seemed to read something (a book or a magazine, perhaps?), still completely naked. I stared for a few seconds at the back of her head before my eyes moved down to her ass. I didn't know if she did that just to turn me on but it definitely worked. I took the towel off and let it fall next to me before grabbing my cock in my hand and stroking it gently.

She started humming a song low and I was so focused on her naked form that it took me half a minute to realize it was one of mine. It made the left corner of my lips raise up and I let my free hand run down to my balls as I got harder.

Being able to have sex with her every time I came back to the hotel room was one of the perks of having her on tour, along with many others, of course. I normally prefer to be alone but when it came to Olivia, everything seemed different. I didn't feel stuck in this relationship, or smothered by it. I still wanted us to be private and couldn't wait until people would stop mentioning that video or us after my livestream but at the same time, It didn't bother me the way it would have before. After all, I was dating her, and for the very first time in my life, I wanted it to last forever. Just that thought seemed crazy to me and my heart skipped a beat.

I took a step closer to her and without thinking, I straddled her quickly and stared down as I pushed my cock inside her. She tensed and I felt her walls press around the tip of my cock, making me groan.

"Don't move, baby." I whispered before realizing she probably couldn't hear me.

I kept looking down as I slowly pushed myself more inside her until I was balls deep and moaned low. She felt amazing, as she always did, and my whole body started throbbing. I leaned closer to her, holding myself with my hands near her shoulders, and moved my hips back before thrusting in her again.

"F-Fuck."

The way she whimpered made me smile and with one hand, I took her headphones off and it fell off the bed, making a soft sound as it hit the carpet. I bent down slightly and brushed my lips on her ear.

"I don't think what you're reading is as interesting as what I'm doing to you, is it, petal?"

I watched her eyes flutter closed and her lips part before laying on top of her and slipping one  of my arms around her. My hand reached for her neck and I pressed my fingers on her throat as I tried to hold myself with the elbow of my other arm, making sure I didn't crush her or hurt her.

"Is it?" I asked again, a little louder this time.

"Mm, nothing is better than what you're doing to me." she admitted in a whisper, making me smile more.

"How much do you like my cock inside your pretty little cunt, pet?"

She moved her ass up to feel me deeper and I breathed through my teeth at the amazing sensation, remaining motionless for a few seconds. She started wiggling a bit and my grip tightened around her neck.

"So.. so much." she whimpered again, gripping the sheets of the bed with both hands.

"You're so fucking impatient." I whispered with a chuckle, letting go of her throat and sitting back on her legs. "Didn't think I'd find you laying on the bed naked like that, just waiting for me. You have no idea how hard that made me."

I stared down at my cock moving slowly in and out of her as I moved and enjoyed the moans coming out of her mouth every single time I was completely inside her.

"Fuck, Niall, please."

I looked up and grabbed her hair, pulling on it a bit as she let out a louder whimper.

"Fuck, you're so wet." I whispered, gripping her hair tighter. "I want to cum inside you, petal."

I watched her move a bit, her body twisting as she slipped one of her arms under her body to reach for her clit. She rubbed the tip of her fingers on my balls, making me groan, and finally started touching herself, making her ass grind up. I started fucking her harder and faster, in motion with her ass moving up and it only took a minute or two until she started shaking beneath me. The sight was amazing and I groaned as I came too, pushing her hard despite myself in the mattress.

"Jesus Christ." I whispered before going limp on top of her.

I heard her chuckle and my lips curled too as I brushed them on her shoulder. She shivered and I smiled even more when goosebumps appeared on her now damp skin.

"I love having sex with you." she admitted, making me laugh lightly.

"Oh darling, I love having sex with you, too."

I trailed kisses on her neck and shoulder and after a while, I moved next to her, laying on my back and staring at the ceiling. We were on the wrong side of the bed and I felt my heels lean against one of the pillows.

"And I love spending time with you. I love being close to you. I love that you followed me here. I love that you're still my best friend after all this time. I love that we get along so well, that we grew up together, that we're even closer than we used to be." I confessed slowly in a soft tone. "I love that you love me. I love that I love you. I love the team we make. I love you, Olivia."

I turned my head her way and she was staring at her. She seemed on the verge on tears but I knew they were happy tears and I sent her a fond smile before moving on my side to see her better. I brought one of my hands to her cheek and pushed a lock of her hair behind her ear.

"The truth is, I can't wait to marry you, to start a family with you, to grow old with you."

Her eyes roamed on my face and she swallowed hard. We both remained silent for a while and she pressed her lips together. It was so endearing that I smiled more and let my fingertips run on her shoulder and down her sides, until her waist.

"You..." she started, stopping herself again for a few seconds before her eyes met mine. "The first time we dated, it was everything that scared you about our couple. That's why you broke up with me, remember?"

I held my head with my hand, my arm on the mattress, and she moved closer, licking her lips and waiting for my answer. Of course I remembered, how could I not?

"I know." I replied, nodding lightly. "I was a fuckin' idiot. I mean, I still am." I shrugged with a chuckle. "But I'm an idiot who will never make that mistake again. I don't want to be with anyone else. And I don't want to be away from you."

"For someone who supposedly suck at expressing his feelings, you're doing quite well." she pointed out with a big smile.

I laughed too and shrugged again. "I've been thinking about what I was going to say for days." I admitted, glancing away before looking back at her. "I almost wrote a song instead."

"You could have," she whispered, reaching for my hand and squeezing my fingers. "I love hearing you sing."

I smiled again and pulled her closer to me to feel her body against mine. I lied down on my back again and she cuddled my side quickly. We stayed quiet for a while and every time she'd tilt her chin up to kiss mine, it would make me smile. It made me realize I had everything I needed, everything I wanted... I had everything I didn't even know I needed, and didn't even know I wanted.

"Do you still want to elope?" I asked randomly after a while.

"It's still a dream of mine, yea." she replied in a gentle tone. "But I know you'd prefer a normal wedding with our families and friends. I'm okay with that."

"I'm sure we can make a compromise."

She moved her head up to look in my eyes and frowned a bit. "This is... hypothetical, right?"

I let my eyes roam again on her face and something stirred inside me. I had no idea it was possible to love someone so bad. I didn't know it was possible to love someone so much you that you'd be ready to change your life plans for them. But here I was, staring at the only woman I ever fell in love with, knowing that I'd do anything for her, and that I would never stop loving her.

"Of course, we're just talking." I lied, my lips curling more. "So we'd elope and get married in Vegas, and then make a big party with our friends and family. And then what?"

"Honeymoon? If we're not too busy..."

"We'll make time." I replied firmly. "Bali or Bora Bora?"

She laughed and turned to lay on her back, my arm still behind her neck, and she finally shook her head. "I don't care where we go, Niall. As long as I'm with you."

the requests

[biaswreckingfics]

I GOT SO MUCH TO SAYYY!! gosh pls dont find me weird okay, and these are just my personal opinions and im not hating any groups!! but my unpopular opinion is: i think kpop has become very toxic after bts and bp got famous in America. And tbh if you ask me, i wouldnt want any other kpop groups to be famous in America... i only stan exo but i think i speak for all groups when i say they are safe as they are now... of course if exo ever get even more famous i will be happy and proud for their success. But look how fame and America has changed bts and bp... not tryna hate but look theyve changed, idk if anyone else noticed but after fame hits bts, i realised how theyve start to become very...white?? like they are so westernised and like example, they start focusing on America only, they even curse (not a lot but i’d still point out) casually like for example, jungkook singing a curse word in his cover song for jason derulo savage love i think (speaking of cursing, after nct127 got famous in usa mark started getting influenced by them too and he casually cursed like “oh fuck” and everyones like 😃😆) even i curse and im not saying cursing is BADD but yeah i am, and how they sing a whole song in english, not to even mention how toxic america is but in grammys they have sold tons of albums yet they didnt win anything but when they release an english song, they won.

Some half of them americans are very toxic, racist, and just theyre basically acid, like bruh, its evident that once bts got famous there are soooo much hate thrown towards bts too cuz theyre asians, or how some would say theyre gay or look like girls...if my favs (exo) ever get these kinds of treatments (not that they dint but veryy little cuz thank god they ain exposed to the western culture) i will B R E A K, i could never handle that so i would never want that to happen to them. Also noticed how, after bts got famous, most armys are equally as toxic, whether they are just stanning bts just cuz theyre famous there, or like how their fans dont even know anything abt bts and coming after so many groups and their fans. Most of them are fake and i think its cuz of the fame for bts lmao. One thing i’d like to say too tho, is how they are so overrated and their songs are played all the damn time, people would randomly talk abt them, like everywhere you go THEY ARE JUST THERE, like in my opinion if i am an army, i would just feel like they are so common and theres nothing special about them anymore and theres no excitement, like what even is the point anymore. idk if anyone gets me but thats just how i feel about my favs being “wOrLdWiDe fAmOuS”, i will love them and their music but its just something i think about tbh🤷🏻‍♀️ like let me listen to them on my own and vibe and love them, dont play it 24/7 just cuz they are famous and ure tryna get people’s attention, like imagine ure in the subway and u hear ur favs song cuz its EVERYWHERE and ure there like 😐😐 not that u dont love their music but its cuz horrible people dont deserves to listen to their songs, and like people arent going to appreciate them anyway so yeah i feel uncomfortable listening to my favs as others dont even bother, like imagine if that subway is filled with people who are in ur fandom, yall would just hv the best time in the world and VIBE, if not what even is the point. Idk if im explaining it properly, but its badically like, u feeling UNCOMFORTABLE or should i even say SELFISH cuz u do not want to be sharing ur favs with people who dont even deserve to KNOW about them. Basically like seeing how someone you HATE or bullied you back then talking and being all friendly fake with ur BESTEST FRIEND or even boyfriend/girlfriend, cuz u just want to protect them from EVIL (im so dramatic)

And well lastly, no Bts did not paved the way, or “bts is the best and only group” like no, so many amazing artists were breaking records way before bts was even a thing (no hate to bts) but they really need to get slap for having that mindset, they really make a bad image for bts...tbh kpop before was so peaceful (a little toxic but still, compared to now...BYE) and everything was just about idols and fans love, listening and supporting and loving their music and just so comforting... urgh anyway thats all i wanna say and here are some texts i saved relating to kpop groups going famous worldwide uwu

these are also examples, and honestly speaking here, i dont want to be specific as in “exo” cuz i think this happens for ALL the groups out there and the love and relationship between the idols and their fans (family) are just beautiful, but for bts and armys... tbh i feel bad because i just dont see or feel any love they hv for each other (sure we see bts saying i love you armys or armys supporting bts but with all the toxicity in their way, theres just no spark or chemistry or bond no more it’s basically like one direction and their fans and thats all they are, celebrity-fan, but for kpop its family), i can see other groups and their fans interacting or how idols would light up talking abt their fans, but for bts, theres just soooo much mess going on in their fandom its not special anymore, they lost the deep meaning of their group love and IDK HOW TO EXPLAIN IT but YEAH DJSHSKSJ OH and to add somethign else, they got famous in America, look at all the collabs🤡🤡 blackpink with cardi b, bts with nicki etc... not that collabs arent fun... im just saying these american artists... they dont exactly have a good reputation (americans singing about sex (not the good kind), money, girls and drugs) 🥴🥴 dont influenced my faves and let them be exposed to the toxic culture YALL GET ME?? KPOP HAS THE LETTER K FOR A REASON😭😭😭 let them be their own shining star, not everything has to be involved or a part of aMeRiCa to be amazing.... PHEW IVE SAID IT NOW BEFORE ANYONE GETS MAD AT ME, I DONT MEAN TO SOUND RUDE TO YOU, if youre an american and youre no where near being toxic, I LOVE YOU but im just saying, the western culture is toxic and im just saying what ive been observing and noticing🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️ ps: i still love exo till the max and everything about them is perfect and theyre just amazing people (everything i said that bts and armys dont really have anymore, i think thankfully, EXO (sorry im biased) most fandoms still have so much of the L O V E there and i find that extraordinary) and he fandom is so comforting and amazing and idk dkdjjdjss thats why i dont want them getting famous worldwide...sorry exols ANYWAY THATS ALL FOR MY RANT ITS 4AM AND I AM THINKING OF DELETING THIS💀💀💀 anywya sorry for taking up so much space but i just wanna say I FREKAING LOVE NO EXIT, NO LIMITS, basically all ur exo fics cuz why not🥺🥺 i think ur writing skills are amazing as well as the plots and all especially forsaken, and THANK YOU for two bbhxoc fics😭😭😭 i cant!!! also if u reached here idk i-🥲 i hope u didnt get mad or offended 👀

Reply under the cut!!

Kpop has become extremely toxic with the growth of international fans and the rise of 3rd/4th gen. I wasn't around to experience the previous generations, but I know damn well they weren't a mess like these newer ones are.

Gaining fame in America does seem to change idols, and idk why. The group members change and the music changes also. While I do enjoy hearing idols swear (guilty pleasure) and I am an American so I get to enjoy their English songs, I can see how it makes all the other cultures/countries feel some type of way.

I will say this, though, the Grammys are shit and I dont get why people care so much about them. They've proven time and time again the awards don't go to the best artists. However, this doesn't mean that I think BTS deserved a Grammy imo.

Americans are a very toxic and hate filled bunch (again, I am one, so I get to see this shit every day). I 100% know that some of the hate directed towards Asians is because of racism (as seen by the insane uptick in crime against Asian Americans right now) and because some see kpop male idols as too feminine.

BTS is literally everywhere, which is one of the reasons I stopped listening to them tbh. They'd be in commercials, on talk shows, late night shows, in magazines, on the radio, just everywhere. It took the joy out of watching anything from them just because they were always in my face, so I can see what you mean.

I feel like the relationship between BTS and army has changed (from an outsiders perspective). Its no longer about loving and supporting your group and being happy for them. Now, its "so-so wants this? We MUST do everything in our power and spam every possible thing ever so they get what they want". Its almost frightening. They also no longer care about the quality of the music being put out. Doesn't matter what it is, they stream the ever loving shit out of it and make it break records when, honestly, it doesn't deserve to (again imo).

Lastly, I didnt get mad or offended haha. I understand a lot of these viewpoints, and thank you so much for liking my work!! I do wonder what would happen if I made a true BBH centric fic and not just spin offs or continuations of previous works where oc ends up with BBH 🤔🤔 I think that fic would have too much power haha.

[sakurasangcl]

Come Back

Pairing: werewolf!Jaehyun x reader

Word Count: 2.3k 

Warning: sexual harassment, possible rape (didn’t happen: Y/N wakes up in Jaehyun’s shirt in his bed)

Moonlight Symphony Masterlist

On the Friday after your 21st birthday, you and your friends went out to celebrate. You went to a dancing club to drink and have fun. Unfortunately for you, hindsight is 20/20. You should have eaten more and better food, as well as made sure to keep a (sober) friend with you at all times. Regretting things can't change the past, and you know this well. 

After one drink, you were a little tipsy. After two, you were drunk. Your vision wasn't too blurry, but everything was hilarious. A few drinks later and you couldn't quite walk straight and your words were a little slurred. 

"Hey," you tell your nearest friend. "I'm gonna go outside for some fresh air." 

And you do just that. Your heels click on the scuffed up wooden floor as you opened the door and took in the night breeze. 

You didn't notice the men who followed you outside until the spoke up. 

"Hey girl, what's your name?" One of them asked. 

"Y/n," you absentmindedly say.

"That's a sexy name. Did you come here by yourself?" A different one spoke. 

"Nope." You respond, popping the ‘p.’ 

If you weren't so drunk, you would have noticed the anxious looks they tossed around. 

"Do you want to come home with me?" One of them boldly asked, resting his hand on your hip. "I doubt who you came with would mind. I'll treat you well." 

"Any of us-" the second guy started.

"Or all of us," someone else interrupted. 

"Would treat you well," He finished.

You weakly shake your head no and turn to head inside. However, the one gripping your waist held you still. 

"Come on baby, why so prude, hmm? I'll make you feel real good, promise." He says, rubbing circles with his thumbs. 

Suddenly a rather muscular, attractive man appears. He growls and pulls you into him, and you swear he calls you his girlfriend. But before you can figure anything out, you pass out. 

When you wake up in the morning, the night before is a blur. You immediately notice that you're not in your own room, nor in that if a friend's. You look around and see the most attractive man in bed next to you. He's deeply asleep, and has the body of Michelangelo's statue of David, but better. 

A thrill of fear runs through you as you sit up to get out of bed and you're wearing just a shirt that definitely wasn't yours, considering that it was too big on you. 

Did we have sex last night? You cant… you cant properly consent when you're drunk… Did we at least use a condom? Shouldn't I be a little sore?

You had many unanswered questions as you quietly gather your things, hoping not to disturb the sleeping man. You quickly change back into your clothes, leaving his shirt on the floor. 

When you leave his room, you find yourself in a house full of boys. You turn red and keep your head down, feeling horrid. They look at you, surprised. One of them tries to say something to you, but you quickly leave before the chance is given. 

It makes sense why they're called the walk of shame…

You make it outside and find out that you really aren't in the city anymore. So, you call an uber and make it home. 

You don't talk to any of your friends about what happened… nor does it really seem like they know or remember themselves. Of course, most of them drank a lot, thought someone else took you home, or thought you went home with someone. One of your friends saw you leave with a hot, muscular guy. 

You didn't say much to anyone after that, and the same friend that saw you leave with the guy you woke up with, Yeri, was afraid that you were falling into a depressive episode. Because of who she was, you couldn't avoid her forever.

Yeri ended up showing up at your work right when you were leaving. She grabbed your arm with her surprisingly strong grip, and starts guiding you to a nearby coffee shop.

"I know you're stressed and going through a lot, so we are getting coffee and talking. And I know you have some extra spending cash because you house sat the other week." Yeri began, guiding you to the line. 

The intoxicating smell of coffee calms you for the time being, letting you relax a little. 

"You know you can tell me anything, right?" She softly asks you, moving up in line. 

"I know," you murmur, looking up at the menu. "But I just don't always know the words for what I need to say." It was then that you notice one of the baristas is extremely familiar. Your eyes widen in surprise and you look away blushing. It was the hot guy you woke up next to. 

"Earth to y/n, earth to y/n. Is everything okay?" Yeri asks, concerned. 

You gulp and nod as you realize your next in line, and he is the one taking orders. 

You shyly step up and order a green tea latte, not meeting his eyes. "What's your name?" He asks, and it sounds more like him being genuine than just needing to write it down on the cup.

"Y/n," you tell him, glancing up at his handsome face. 

He then asks you to spell your name and you do, glancing at his nametag that said 'Jaehyun.' He smiles brightly, dimples showing. "Alright. Thank you y/n. I can help who is next in line."

You stay rooted in your spot, your eyebrows knitting together. You hadn't paid for your drinks. You were about to say something when he adds, "Don't worry about it. It's my treat, okay?" 

You mutely nod and go wait for your drink and Yeri, dazed. 

A younger man calls your name, and he smiles at you as you take your drink. On it is numbers  you make it out to be a phone number. You look quizzically at the guy who gave you your drink, and he grins and points to the mysterious hottie, Jaehyun. You nod slightly and head to Yeri's side, going and sitting at a table. 

You two start conversing, and she pries you and gets you talking some. Eventually, she brought up the inevitable.

"So the barista. The one who wrote their number on your cup. He's the one you went home with." Yeri says, looking at him suspiciously. 

"Yeah, apparently…" you admit, not denying what must have happened.

"Do you not remember?" She asks, suddenly worried. "If he drugged you I don't care how big he is. I will fight him."

You shake your head no. "I was just drunk. Besides, I'm sure plenty of girls are head over heels for him and he's super hot. He could easily get laid if he wanted to."

"You're not wrong. But still, you did end up with him. That's suspicious." 

"I suppose he must have just changed me… that's why I thought we did something. My period came and went, so everything is fine that way. But I really don't know…"

"Wait, like he changed your clothes?" 

"Well, yeah…" 

"What the fuck?! No. So not okay," she says, standing up and about to march over to yell at him. 

"Please don't, Yeri. I'm as confused as you," You softly beg. 

"Fine, but I'm asking Joohyun if she knows him. But judging by his age.. I'll ask Sooyoung instead. If anyone knows anything, its her," Yeri derisively responds. She then sends a quick text before giving you her full attention. "Do you want to go over what you remember? I'm pretty sure Soyeon said she saw you leave with a guy… that's why I wasn't worried. But honestly, knowing you, I should have been. I feel bad I wasn't more cautious over you. I was too busy being the mom friend for everyone else. I hate being the mom friend," Yeri grumbles. 

You can't help but laugh at her rant, as it was true. No one liked taking the role of the mom friend when everyone was drinking. Yeri was just stuck with it as the designated driver. 

"I just… the last thing I remember was going outside for air. My head got clouded and there were some guys… then one guy, probably…" you gesture to Jaehyun, "since I woke up in his bed… called me his girlfriend. That's all I remember besides waking up. I made the walk of shame! I hated it!" You admit, glancing around to make sure no one heard you. 

When Yeri's phone buzzes, she reads the notification. "Sooyoung says he's a good guy, and really not interested in most girls... Maybe you're his perfect type? Okay, she said he isn't a player and is both overly confident and awkward as hell around girls. It varies. She also says he's not the kind to do the deed when drunk." 

"Did you tell her what I said?" You demand of your best friend, upset and turning red.

"Kind of? I asked about him and if he was a player especially around drunk people. She's not that thick headed to not know what happened at the party," Yeri explains.

Your shoulders slump in defeat and you nod, knowing Yeri was right. However, Sooyoung's response left you with more questions than before. 

"I can't- I don't know-" you try to let Yeri understand your frustration. You want to know the answers as to what happened, but at the same time, you're afraid of what they could be. You let out a heavy sigh as you formulate a proper sentence. "I want to know but I'm also afraid to find the truth," you tell her, fear clawing at your stomach. 

"I totally understand that. But wouldn't it be nice if nothing happened and it's just a misunderstanding?" Yeri suggests gently. "I mean, there's no harm in at least texting him. He obviously remembers you. Maybe he just wants to clear the air." 

You know Yeri doesn't mean to pressure you in a negative way, and she always seems to have your best interest in mind. This time… well, it feels different. You're torn between giving this man a bit of trust or doing your best to never see him again. You can't differentiate what your stomach is telling you or your head. You were completely conflicted. 

You start to feel overwhelmed, and your brain goes to autopilot. You listen to what Yeri said and type out a message to Jaehyun, that read: 

Hi. This is Y/N.

You know he wont reply right away since he is working, but you try to ignore the impulsivity of what you did and do your best not to regret it. 

"Well there's that…" you mumble, setting your phone on the table.

Less than a minute later, your phone buzzes anyways. 

Hey Y/N! Sorry, my coworker put my number on your cup… My name is Jaehyun, by the way. I’m sorry things ended up like this.

Would you maybe like to meet sometime so I can try to explain?

“What do you think I should do, Yeri?” you ask, showing her your phone and trying not to cry. 

“Give it to me. I’ll have Seulgi go with you. Does that sound good? You know how intimidating she can be when she wants, you know?” Yeri gently says, typing a response. “I have your back. We all do.” 

You nod and help Yeri figure out the logistics. Jaehyun isn’t even bothered by you asking to bring a friend. 

When you finally did agree to meet Jaehyun in person, you wore simple clothes. You had Yeri with you, and she was being very protective and careful with you. 

Jaehyun felt a pang in his heart, because he knew he messed up. He should have left you in his bed without him, but he couldn’t leave you. Not when you smelt like them. Looking at you with Yeri by your side, he could scent your fear and unease. He smiled sweetly at the two of you, and greeted you both. You were outside on campus, sitting at one of the tables outside. 

“Y/N, there’s a lot I need to explain to you,” he gently begins, glancing at Yeri. 

She smiled slightly, because she knew something you didn’t. 

“Okay?” you respond, looking to Yeri. She nods, so you look back at Jaehyun.

He smiles once more, and it’s contagious. You stop yourself from smiling, only because you were too anxious. 

“So,” Jaehyung begins. “First and foremost. You passed out drunk and I didn’t know what to do. So I took you home because I didn’t want those pervs touching you. My friend’s mate-uh, girlfriend, changed you into my shirt when she saw you, as she figured it wouldn’t have been comfortable. I stayed with you because I didn’t want you getting sick and throwing up and choking. I slept shirtless, but I was wearing pants. I swear. And you were the one who cuddled up to me in your sleep, so that just kind of happened on its own.” 

You stare at him blankly, taking in his words and judging the honesty behind them. 

“So you didn’t rape her?” Yeri asks for you, gently giving your hand a squeeze. 

If it weren’t crazy, you would have sworn his eyes flashed red. 

“I didn’t lay a finger on her like that. I would never harm her.” Jaehyun says, and you feel the sincerity in his words. “I’d rather hurt myself.” 

You give him a sideways glance, confused as to why he felt so strongly for you. He was being extremely altruistic, and it surprises you.

“Do you say that to every girl?” you ask. 

He shakes his head, looking away bashfully. “No,” he admits. “But, if you don’t mind, I’d really like to start over with you. You’re… well, you’re the prettiest girl I’ve ever laid eyes on. And you must be a wonderful person since you willingly met with me after that misunderstanding.” 

Before Yeri can stop you, or before you can even fully process what you say, you respond. “Yes, I’d like that.” 

[yourdeepestfathoms]

Constructive Critique

  ‘Hiiiii-’ Joan swung herself into Maggie’s cabin, narrowly avoiding the myriad of shoes and cigarette packets that littered the floor, and flopped down onto the bunk. ‘Are you ready to go?’

  ‘Mmm.’

  Maggie didn’t look up from her laptop.

  Joan was used to this- when Maggie was in her ‘creative zone’ (otherwise known as the ‘fuck off and dont talk to me zone’), it sometimes took her a while to be able to leave it.

  She settled in for a wait and made herself comfy on Maggie's bunk- as usual, the bed was unmade. Unable to help herself, she twitched the covers into place before she sat down.

  No response.

  Hm. 

  That was odd. Maggie usually hated anyone tidying up after her.

   Joan could still remember the time she’d relegated Anne to sitting on the floor for having the audacity to fold up her pajamas for her. Granted, Joan was never subjected to quite the same level of temper as everyone else….but still, even she was used to being ordered sharply to ‘just leave it alone Joan, jesus-’.

  She smoothed out the bedspread. 

  Still no response.

  Weird.

  Biting the bullet, she rolled onto her stomach, rearranged Maggie's pillows and started to order the bits and pieces scattered on the bedside table, expecting every second for Maggie to look up and bark at her to stop.

  Nothing.

  Sitting up, she looked at Maggie more closely.

  She was staring intently at her laptop screen, but she didn’t look how she usually looked when working- the peaceful faraway look was gone. She wasn't typing or clicking through. Her hands were in her lap. 

  In fact, they were clenched into fists.

  ‘Maggie?’

  Nothing.

  ‘Mags- are you ok?’

  Joan crawled off the bed and came over.

  ‘Mags?’

  Maggie jumped as if waking up when Joan touched her arm. ‘What? Oh, sorry-’

  ‘Are you ok?’

  ‘Fine...did you want something?’ Already, her eyes were drifting back to the screen and Joan felt wrong footed.

  ‘I just….we were going to get something to eat?’ She wondered if this was Maggie's way of letting her know she wasn't in the mood- a bit of a change from her usual ‘Fuck, can we take a raincheck?’ but still a possibility. ‘We don't have to if you don’t want-’

  ‘Oh-’ Maggie seemed to catch onto Joan’s hesitancy, to notice the way her fingers twisted anxiously ‘Sorry- of course we were....’ She shook her head. ‘Of course we can-’

  But her tone was off- Joan was more used to Maggie's flat affect than anyone, and she could tell what was normal and what wasn’t. This….wasn’t.

  She put out a hand to pause Maggie in the middle of her perfunctory hunt for her wallet and keycard. 

  ‘Mags? Something's up. Tell me? Please?’

  Maggie got her stubborn look for a moment- as if planning on flat out denying all and making Joan fight her over it- but then she sighed and shrugged.

  ‘Oh, it’s nothing. Honestly. Really really stupid-’

  ‘What?’ The suspense was killing Joan. She was seconds away from breaking her new year's resolution to give up biting her nails. (Three months in and going strong. Maggie’s- to give up smoking, at Anne and Joan’s joint request- had lasted all of two hours and twenty minutes.)

  Maggie bit her lip, obviously debating whether or not to actually finish.

‘-someone left a review on my last recording-’

  ‘Oh!’ Joan bounced happily for a moment. She knew how much reviews meant to Maggie- despite her repeated claims that her music was for her not for anyone else, Joan knew that the rare confirmations that someone else had actually noticed the piece of herself that she’d thrown into the void of cyberspace were precious. ‘What did they say?’

  In answer, Maggie tilted her laptop screen so that Joan could read for herself.

‘-know you’re only starting out as musician….constructive criticism….whoever taught you really missed out on a few things didn't they?.....irritating tendencies….poor technique...know you’re sensitive…..would be happy to point you to some online resources….’ And then the sweetly poisonous ending ‘Please know this comes from a place of wanting you to be better and improve...’

  There was no name, no address, no picture icon.

  The first time she read it, the faux-concern and almost paternalistic tone made her want to laugh.

  Then she read it again- and looked at Maggie, drooping in her chair and looking so very tired- and hot anger took over.

  ‘It’s...polite, isn’t it?’ Maggie quirked an eyebrow in her usual sardonic manner but her hands didn’t unclench. ‘I didn't think people talked like that any more-’

  ‘Oh Maggie-’

  ‘I feel like blaming my teacher was a bit harsh….poor Mr Greyson isn’t even here to defend himself. And it’s hardly his fault I never paid attention in class-’

  A muscle gave a tiny, almost imperceptible twitch, just under Maggie's right eye.

  ‘Mags-’

  ‘Nice of them to concede I’m still learning though. I guess. Although-’ Maggie turned to face Joan properly for the first time. ‘They think my technique is bad? Imagine how much worse it is for me, I’m the one actually trying to play despite it, jesus, like c’mon, cut me some slack-’

  ‘Maggie!’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Fuck them!’

  Maggie blinked at her. ‘What?’ It wasn’t often that she was able to surprise the other girl, and Joan made a mental note to let Maggie know just how adorable she looked when she was really, truly taken back, when things were less fraught.

  ‘Joey?’

  ‘Fuck them, Mags! Fuck whatever patronising little-’ she paused. It wasn't that she was reluctant to swear, more that she was afraid of Maggie laughing at her for her choice- she’d never heard the end of it when she’d frustratedly called a queue-jumper an ‘inconsiderate dick-face’. 

Ironically, it had been an attempt to prove to everyone that she was adult enough to swear if she wanted to. The attempt had, she had to admit, backfired spectacularly well.

  ‘Go on-’ There was an amused quirk to Maggie's eyebrow- obviously their thoughts had followed a similar vein. ‘A little-?’

  ‘Never mind. Point is-’ She stabbed a finger at the laptop screen. ‘I cant believe anyone would have the nerve to say shit like that- as if they’re the arbitrator of what good music is, when they’re not even brave enough to come off anon!- and to then call you sensitive!’

  Maggie shrugged. ‘Constructive criticism and all that-’

  ‘No! Constructive criticism is-’ Joan groped for a good comparison. ‘When I tell you that I want tips on how I can make the others listen to me. Or when I direct you guys during rehearsal. Not….this. This….’Oh I’m such a good person, I’m so wise and talented, let me point out all your faults in a really unnecessarily nasty way and then call you thin skinned’...if they really care, why aren’t they linking you to their own page? So you can get tips from them, if they’re so good. Or even so you can ask them questions privately?’

  Maggie shrugged. ‘Maybe they just don't want to- I mean, they don’t have to-’

  ‘Maybe they know exactly how nasty the message was and don't want to face any consequences from it, you mean-’ Internally, Joan wondered if it was bad form to snap at someone when trying to stick up for them. Oh well. She’d ask Maggie later, Maggie would know. ‘Maybe they just like patting themselves on the back by pointing out non-issues or things you’re already aware of and are working on by presenting themselves as this master musician, but in a way that means you’ll never ever be able to respond to them! Well, I have a response-’ she leans forward ‘Fuck you! Fuck you and fuck your help and advice!’

  She was breathing a little harder by the time she’d finished: Maggie was leaning back slightly in her chair.

  ‘Um…..wow....are you….ok?’

  ‘Yeah….’

  ‘....I already wrote a response, you’ll be sad to hear. It was a bit different to yours.’ On the screen, Maggie's finger pointed out her polite, calm message of reply: ‘Thanks for your interest….always appreciate feedback...thanks for listening’.

  Joan suddenly felt foolish. Maggie clearly didn’t care that much. What was she even doing, ranting and raving when what Maggie probably wanted was just to forget about it? 

  She probably wasn’t even all that bothered by it- sure she’d seemed a little off, but Maggie was the absolute pinnacle of taking things on the chin, she’d probably barely registered the thing. Stupid Joan, overreacting; stupid overemotional Joan….

  Hic-

  Joan had never wanted to die more. Hiccups- was it possible to have a more childish marker of distress?

  ‘Yeah…..’ She tried to hold her breath surreptitiously and then gave up. ‘Sorry, just….I got cross…’

�� ‘I can see….’ Maggie's lips twitched. ‘Pity whoever wrote that if they come across you, huh?’

  ‘Yeah….’ Her face was burning. Why was she so stupid? Why couldn't she have just passed over it like Maggie obviously had?

  Because you’re thinking about how you’d feel, the little voice in her head responded immediately, because you’re imagining how you’d feel if you got a message like that, how you’ve felt when you have got messages like that- like you don't want to make anything anymore, like you're embarrassed for people to see any of your work-

  She shut it down. That was her, not Maggie- cool, collected, talented Maggie. As if Maggie would be affected by a stupid review.

  She shook away too the image of Maggie hunched in her chair and staring sadly at the screen. She’d probably imagined most of it.

  ‘Shall we go get food then?’

  As if in evidence of her okay-ness, Maggie almost bounced out of her chair, grabbing her phone from the floor and stuffing her keycard deep into her pocket as she made for the door, Joan trailing behind.

  ‘Ok-’

  ‘Where do you want to go?’ Maggie pulled the door firmly. ‘We got pizza the other day, so I’m feeling maybe Thai- or ramen, we haven’t had good ramen in ages-’ She paused. ‘Are you ok?’

  ‘Yeah.’ Joan nodded quickly. ‘Fine-’

  ‘Cool- so….maybe ramen? Unless you’re not feeling noodles….also there’s that creepy guy who works there and I think I heard he works extra shifts now so maybe not-’

  Half way down the corridor, Maggie suddenly stopped. Joan wondered if she was going to say she’d forgotten something, but instead, she grabbed Joan's hand and squeezed it hard.

  ‘Joan?’

  ‘Yeah?’

  ‘Thank you-’

  Joan felt a bit nonplussed. ‘What for?’

  Maggie looked at her as if she was an idiot. ‘For….you know….’ She gently bumped her shoulder against Joan’s. ‘For caring enough to get angry on my behalf? For saying fuck a million times- it was funny, cheered me right up-’ Her expression sobered. ‘Just...thanks. I know it’s ridiculous to let some internet random get to me but….yeah.’ 

  She gave Joan’s hand a parting squeeze and let go, straightening up, back to normal again. ‘As you say, fuck them, next time i’ll just let you reply and save myself the trouble…’ Her lips twitched and she tilted her head. ‘Anyway…back to important stuff….food choices and that.’ She looked at Joan ‘Shall we go?’

  ‘Yeah-’ Joan hid her smile and started down the corridor. ‘Let’s go.’

[ansgar-martinsson]

The Best Intentions - Part 10

“No,” Ansgar let his hands fall heavily atop his thighs. “No, no, no, no, no.” He shook his head, rolling the back of it against the sofa, his eyes closed. He opened them again, his gaze zeroing in on hers. “I assure you, Joline, that none of that will happen. If you believe anything I say, you can believe that. Besides,” he shifted beneath her, “I divorced her. I don’t love her anymore. Therefore, there is no family, no happiness, no marriage to speak of.”

“Then why…?” she indicated his hand, the ring on his finger, with a flick of her gaze.

“You know, Joline,” he grumbled, “this is the second time we’ve gone down the primrose path only to have the hedge… clipped.” He scissored his fingers together in front of her face.

“I know but you – “

He turned his hand and pressed his index finger to her mouth. “Ssssh. I’m speaking now, not you.” He brushed back and forth over her lips, her cheek, atop her forehead, and down her nose, his gentle lover-like caresses completely belying the daggers that would be his words. “Had you been any other woman,” he said, “I’d have kicked you to the fucking kerb by now. I’d have told you to bugger off back to your vibrator.” He stopped, his hand cupping the back of her neck, thumb pressed in just beneath her ear. “But you’re not just any other woman, are you? No, you’re not. You see, since Faye left me, I’ve been with a number of women….”

He felt her neck stiffen under his hand and her features hardened. Her body tensed as if to move off of him, but he tightened his grip and stilled her, his other hand firm upon her waist, fingers dug roughly into her hipbone.  

“Don’t move. Listen.” He continued. “I’m not proud of any of that, so don’t think for a second that I am,” he said, dangerously. “And I’m not bragging. It’s the truth, and there is a point to this.”

She huffed. “Which is?”

“The point is, that I may have felt tenderness toward one of them, maybe two. But none, not a single one has captivated me, consumed my thoughts, stolen my focus the way you have. The way you do.” He pushed his hand up through her damp hair and curled his fingers, clutching her gently yet possessively. “I will have you, Joline,” he growled. “No matter what, and I always get the things I… ah! Fuck!”

He had canted his head and slowly pulled her down toward him, toward his lips. When she braced her hand against the cushion, it shifted, causing, in turn, his body to shift, and, in turn again, a quick bolt of agony to shoot from his waist to his armpit. He gasped and released his breath with a small growl, clutching at his bruised side.

“Let me see it,” Joline moved off of him to kneel on the floor beside his knee. “Move your hand.”

He did as she asked. Yet he tried, unsuccessfully, to re-establish the gravity of the moment before.. “Listen to me, I will have y– I… ah! I mean it, I –”

“Ssh. Let me see.”

He felt her gentle touch over the bruise - a healing, a warm caress that sent visible, damn it, shivers through Ansgar’s entire body.

“No, it’s okay, I – “

“Did you break a rib or something?”

“Mm. Don’t think so.”

“Was this,” she lifted her eyes to his, “was this because of me?”

“No! Of course it wasn’t. Don’t be absurd,” Ansgar hissed.

She gave him a sardonic look. “Really?”

“Fine. Yes,” he wilted. “Yes, it was.”

“How did it happen?” She sat back on her haunches, and rest her hand upon his knee.

“I fought like an arsehole,” he ran his hand through his hair. “Fought like a mad, insane arsehole and got kicked to the mat - side kicked, in fact - by my instructor.” He sat forward with a bit of difficulty. “I couldn’t focus, Joline.” He touched her again, couldn’t keep his hands off of her, his fingers wanting to explore every inch of her. “I was… I was angry, I was frustrated. I was still…you know. I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”

“I’m sorry,” she said. “I don’t mean to stir up your life like that.”

“Don’t be. You’re… not,” he replied. He spoke slowly, as his mind had clicked, working away - calculating, evaluating, analyzing… resolving, and solving. A decision popped into his brain, fully formed, and he understood immediately what he had to do. And he’d do it of his own volition. On his own terms.  “It was a… a good thing, now that I think of it. It was actually a very good thing.”

“How was that?”

He smiled and took her hand in his, toying idly with her fingers as he spoke. “My fight instructor is one of the wisest, most astute people I know,” he said. “James knew something was off with me, knew I had something on my mind. He and I had a bit of a chat after he knocked me on my arse.”

“About.. what?”

“About you,” he clipped. He raised his left hand and showed her the ring. “About this. About Faye. About failure. About misery and neuroses and crutches and irrational fears. We talked about freedom and choice. About insisting upon doing things my way. He told me how I don’t listen to my heart or to other people, and how my mistakes have caused me pain. How, since Faye left me, I’ve managed to hoist myself on my own petard. I’ve walled myself inside my own fortress, pushed everyone away, dug deep into my armor, and built my own barriers to getting the things that I really want.”

She shook her head, blinking. “I don’t think I understood any of that.”

“You will,” he laughed. “I swear it.” And with that he stood from the sofa and crossed to his bag. He took out a clean Martinsson Construction polo shirt and shrugged carefully into it. “I think you’re right, Joline,” he said.

“Right about what?”

He gestured to the sofa. “About this, about now. The time isn’t right. The place… it isn’t right.”

She frowned. “You’re not making any sense.”

“I’m making perfect sense,” he smiled. He stepped back to her, bent and lifted her to her feet. He embraced her, pressing her close to him. “I don’t want you here, now that I think about it. I don’t want just a fuck.” He whispered, then, his lips hovering just beside her ear. “I want to take you slowly, deliberately. I want you in my bedroom, on my bed, perhaps against my wall. I want you when we’re clean and dry…,” he quirked a wicked grin, “well, not dry for long at least.”

He felt her low chuckle. He covered the sides of her head with his hands, brushing his thumbs over her cheeks, her lips. He bent and pressed a slow, warm kiss to those same lips, his tongue snaking out to taste her upon them when he pulled back. “I want you properly,” he said. “I want to be alone with you. I want…,” his eyes flashed with devilishness, the smile broadening beneath, “I want to tie you up to my headboard, perhaps, and ravish you - give you pleasure over and over and over again until you are speechless, senseless, and utterly mindless.”

“Oh, fuck,” she mouthed. She licked her lips and swallowed hard, her eyes blown wide with desire, her gaze flicking back and forth between his eyes. He felt himself go hard in that place again at the sight of her, at the sight of her flushed skin and mussed hair, at the sight of her dark eyes boring into his, at the sight of his effect on her.

“I imagine that’s something you want as well. Isn’t it, Joline?”

She nodded quickly, her breaths rapid and shaky. “Yes.”

“Good, then. It’s settled.” He took a step back from her and brought his hands together in front of his chest. He wrapped the fingers of his right hand around the ring finger of his left, and pulled, grunting with the effort as he did so.

“What are you –?”

The ring came free, and Ansgar let out a punctuated breath. He held still for a long moment, his hands hovering, trembling slightly, in the air, his vision focused upon Joline’s wide eyes. When he finally moved, it was to turn his left hand over and peer at it, to marvel at the empty stripe on his finger, before clutching it into a tight fist. His heart thumped in his chest, and he felt giddy – but he tamped it down. Shut down his fears with the knowledge of the result of his decision; the anticipation of what was to come.

“Shit,” he muttered. “I feel so naked. So… exposed.”

“You’re not exposed,” she murmured. “Not with me.”

“Here,” he said at last, holding out his right hand, the ring rest upon his open palm. “I want you to hold on to this for me.”

“What? No, I –”

“Joline, please,” he said. “I need you to do this for me. Hold it for me. Will you do that?”

“Until… until when?”

“Until tonight,” he said, “When I pick you up at eight.”  He picked up her hand, dropped the ring into her palm and closed her fingers in around it. “Hold this for me. I will tell you everything tonight.”

And with a curt nod, he broke away from her. “Now, I must get back to work, much to do… much to do.” He strode back over to the table, folded up his MacBook and shoved it in his bag. His bag, he slung over his shoulder before stepping quickly back to Joline. He wrapped his arm around her waist, pulled her to him, and planted a firm kiss on her lips. He smiled blithely at her. “Dress for dinner. Eight o’clock. Don’t make me wait, I don’t like to wait.”

He pulled the door open, gave her a wink over her shoulder, and stepped out of her office.

“I’d still like to shake the hand of the man who knocked you on your ass,” Jo called after him determined to get the last word in.

Ansgar didn’t turn around, only flicked his hand in a two finger salute over his shoulder to acknowledge that he’d heard her.

If she had watched him just a moment longer, she would’ve seen him chuckle and shake his head. She’d missed it as she closed the door to her office once more, barricading herself inside to think. Bits of their conversation replayed in her mind to make sure she understood and truly comprehended everything that happened. She listlessly fell into her chair feeling the weight of a neglected piece of jewelry that she had clutched in her hand.

Jo put so much stock, so much meaning, so much weight in it. She dropped it on the wood surface of her desk to listen to the ping and rolling-drop flat. The man she’d been lusting after took it off his hand and gave it to her for safe keeping. As collateral that she’d show for their date? She had no idea why. He talked a lot, but it all felt a bit vague.

She’d built him up so much in her head, imaging this wife and potential family based on a single band of gold. This entire world she created in her mind that she’d be crashing like Uncle Mikey drinking himself silly at family gathering and embarrassing himself by feeling up the help. But Joline was just Joline, a woman addicted to a man’s kiss. A divorced man. A free man. The man was free of obligation, available to kiss and sleep with whomever he chose.

He’d made his choice, and the chosen soggy woman sat behind a desk trying to make sense of it all. She crossed her arms on the cool surface and rested her chin on them, watching the ring, expecting it to do some kind of party trick or square dance after all the attributes she’d assigned to it. But there it stayed, not mocking, not laughing, not judging.

She watched it from the corner of her eye when she checked her computer, hoping work would distract her from obsessing. That became an exercise in futility. After she read one very harshly worded email from the union for her reckless behavior in the little theatre and a cease and desist for touching equipment that was ‘outside the scope of the job title House Manager,’ Jo gave up. Fucking unions and their rules and chapters (of which she’d violated three) couldn’t get over themselves to change a fucking lightbulb.

Jo knew that she should get on with it, face the music of insurance companies, claims for damages, and scheduling repairs but her head was done in by Ansgar’s kiss… still, Goddamnit. By his own admission, he didn’t ‘want just a fuck.’ This bounced around her head for a bit, sussing what that implication of that might mean. Up until he said that, she didn’t consider him anything more than that. Frankly sometimes – many times – he was a bastard and she couldn’t quite decide if she hated him for it or liked him for it.

When her marriage ended in divorce, Jo considered her dating life differently. She was what stores would label as ‘sold as is.’ She wasn’t damaged, just used. She didn’t carry a shit ton of baggage on her back for a bad marriage, because it simply wasn’t. Her prospects were fewer and most were worth nothing more than few drinks down the pub and a couple of nights of casual sex. Because she’d moved so much since her divorce, she never allowed herself to get close to any man.

Until Ansgar Martinsson ask—well, demanded a date before he took her to bed. The idea poked a part of her that she thought unattainable, giddy excitement, nervous energy. Her heart fluttered at the idea of it.

Jo wandered from her office, away from the impending work. She wanted to check on the progress in the main theatre before taking off to wash the stench of rust and steel and whatever bacteria stuff Ansgar named. Her head wasn’t really in it… the ring, the date, the night of sex in front of her. Ansgar cast his magic spells and glamour and her entire head was consumed with him.

“Jojo-bean?”

She looked up to discover that she’d traveled as far as the lobby of the main theatre. She couldn’t remember how she got there, but suddenly she was blinking at her friend. “Uh… hallo… um, Georg.”

“You alright? Been talking at you for two minutes straight.”

“Uh… yeah, she cleared her throat ansd shook her head to focus. “Yeah, fine. How’re the… repairs going here?”

Georg tsked, “That’s what I been tellin’ ya. Steffan threatened to rearrange the face of one of the Martinsson boys for changing his designs. The dude was not happy.”

“Uh… that’s brilliant,” she patted his shoulder distractedly, looking for her exit.

“Sure it is. If you want real blood staining the stage for the next production of Titus Andronicus,” Georg replied with a roll of his eyes.

“I’ll… uh, definitely look into it,” Jo covered when her head revisited a heated moment with Ansgar on her couch.

Georg grasped her shoulders, “I think all the water made your brain a little soggy there, Jojo-bean. So fuck on off out of here then. I’ll watch things here.”

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“Exactly how many times did you wash your hair, Joline?” her mother grilled when her daughter finally emerged.

“I lost count. Four… maybe seven… I’ve got a lot on my mind, mama.”

“I can tell, there’s nothing left in the conditioner bottle.”

Jo wrapped the towel around her body once more, tucking it into itself so she could do other things, like haggle with her mother. “That was at least half empty this morning.”

“You know, you work too much, Joline.”

Jo shuffled her mother into the kitchen to get her concentrating on something other than why she wouldn’t be home tonight. “So you tell me. Everyday.”

“It’s still true,” the older woman griped, sticking hands back into a tossed salad she neglected. “The meeting tonight is about the accident at the little theatre.”

“Yes, mama. The CEO of Martinsson Construction was there when the pipe broke. He’s picking me up for a business dinner.”

Tearing the lettuce to bits, Emelie snickered to herself, “And you need the Louboutins for a dinner meeting?”

“CEO… Yes, mama.” Jo called over her shoulder as she made her way through the house to her bedroom to dress.

“Bullshit, daughter,” she muttered to herself, appreciating that Jo tried to shield her from some things.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Jo entered the kitchen fastening a diamond teardrop earring to her ear, the Louboutins clicking along the hardwood floors. She’d paired them with a simple black dress with a scoop neck and backline and a lace overlay. It was one of the dresses that she kept for events at the theatre. She always hated the cliché of a little black dress, but black was her color and she loved the shape of the dress.

Emelie huffed a scoffing-smirk into her stew concoction that she’d been cooking. “Joline, I’m glad that you’re taking such a keen interest in the repairs.”

“Fine, mama, fine… you win.” Jo threw her arms up in surrender, eyes bulged at being found out. “But can’t we pretend that we have a normal mother-daughter relationship?”

“We can pretend when you don’t look like you just walked off the catwalk in Milan instead of the bedroom down the hall,” she laughed stirring in some more vegetables.

Joline tried to keep a straight face, but the truth was she liked that her mother didn’t interfere or mess with her life, let her make her own mistakes and her own decisions. “I texted Elias. He’ll come by tonight to check on you for bed, yeah?”

“Did he buy the business dinner thing?”

“Of course he did,” she replied laughing at her own joke, “but he didn’t see the fuck me shoes!”

“Have fun… and remember, grandchildren are blessings.”

“And so are mothers who don’t know so much.” She kissed her mother on the cheek, checking for fever with her hand on the cheek not kissed. “I’ll have my mobile with me if you need me, yeah?”

“Your brother has one too.”

“I’m serious, mama. If you need me, I’ll come home.”

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“You didn’t keep me waiting,” Ansgar commented when Joline was seated beside him in the hired car. He had good reason to keep the partition up between himself and the driver for business dealings when he needed privacy. He considered taking advantage while the woman of his desire looked good enough to eat.

“I got my orders, entitled jackass.”

“Save that fire for the bedroom, darling. The night’s still young.”

Jo side-eyed him, not trusting herself to take him in all at once yet. The crisp bespoke suit on him sizzled a few brain cells in her head already. “I feel naked, you undressed me four times already. I’ve been in the car twenty seconds.”

[garbagequeer]

@highschoolmusical2isunderrated replied to your post “now let's talk about how the social network (2010) is homophobic...”

please elaborate

i’ve only known this for like an hour so. there’s loose ends everywhere BUT.

Clive Durham? known asshole. Mark Zuckerberg? known asshole. like in the book I’m pretty sure there’s this part where someone tells Maurice that Clive tends to get tired of his new friends pretty quick, plus he really says a bunch of shit people don’t understand (namely Maurice cause he’s a dumbass but you know) and he’s like pretty intelligent (not a computer genius but it’s 1910 so you gotta settle for The Classics or whatever) AND he’s always saying some shit that hurts people’s feelings obviously (when he said that thing about how he was going to hate having kids the first time Maurice was at his house like. can you maybe NOT tell your boyfriend you ARE going to leave him for a straight marriage mayhaps?? no?? okay! AND before he went to greece when he got into bed w Maurice and then said it’s no better here like. ouch). Then tehre’s Mark’s entire first scene with Erica (what IS he even talking about? Why does he keep insulting her? Why won’t he talk about anything other than his final club shit? known asshole antics). OBVIOUSLY two self-absorbed smart men.

ALSO back to straight marriage, Clive has to marry to keep his social position, his house, etc. MARK’s straight marriage thing would be to prefer to keep facebook and the approval of Sean (who would be something like Clive’s mom here, like the representative of his position in the portion of society he wants to belong in) who he idolizes (as Clive seems to take his mother and his father’s will as an authority on how to live his life, even though he doesn’t like his mom, although by the end of the movie Mark doesn’t seem to like Sean either, because these are the things that have ruined their chances at true happiness). so like social status, careers, etc. at the price of true love. ALSO let’s mention they both hate women cause they sure do!

NOW remember how in Maurice (written in 1913 published in 1971 film adaptation 1987) Maurice and Clive used to spend a lot of time arguing about religious concepts Maurice ultimately didn’t understand but he just wanted what? CLIVE’S ATTENTION. remember how in the social network (2010) Eduardo just believes in Mark’s idea even though he doesn’t seem to know that much about computer shit? and how ultimately he’s not the right cfo because he actually didn’t get facebook or whatever? And how he froze the account because he had to get Marks attention? dumbass gay people in love that’s what all of that was

And another thing is the expectations Mark and Clive seem to have towards Eduardo and Maurice, who are somehow supposed to make things better without any proper communication about what’s going on (Mark tells Eduardo he needs him, Eduardo still doesn’t magically know how to make things better so they fuck each other over / Clive has some obvious issues that show on the second and third parts of the book, which are never properly acknowledged, but he expects that on a night when he feels miserable lying next to Maurice will somehow make it go away, he falls out of love when it doesn’t). STUPID gay people who won’t talk about their issues. that’s what that is

on the other hand, Maurice and Eduardo never seem to properly fix those things and bring light to them or they just don’t know how, because they trust the relationship to be strong i guess, and they just. don’t know, cause life’s hard. here Maurice gets the letter Clive sends from greece and is convinced they can find a way to solve that he thinks he doesn’t love him or even like men anymore and he seems so patient about that until the moment Clive makes it clear it’s over, then he loses his shit. Eduardo drops everything and comes back to california after mark calls and says he needs him even though a second ago he was freezing accounts and putting out literal fires, and it’s only when it’s clear mark fucked him over that he loses his shit and smashes a laptop since his prada was at the cleaners along with his asshole hoodie and his fuck you flip flops. And hey, “what an ending” / “I was your only friend” same energy, and they both are in tears as they say that

OH also. what exists!! icons!! you better lawyer up asshole! I’m coming back for everything!! are you still wired in!!!! and Maurice’s calmer but incredible last conversation with Clive like attend to your own happiness I’m fucking your gamekeeper!! i cant hang my life on a little bit!!! you have been a shitty friend all year!!! it’s all very making clear any friendship there is over and they’d pee all over it too if they could. how Maurice tells Clive he spends five minutes with him between Anne and his career, how mark is so caught up in facebook and Sean. OH, OH. how Maurice tells Clive he won’t even see him all year but he lets him into his house and tries to get him to marry cause that gets rid of him... like mark was in california and Eduardo was in NY and they didn’t really spend any time together but they still had facebook together... and then they try to get rid of each other with a lawsuit instead of a marriage and i don’t know if this makes any sense outside of my head.

Also this is the dumbest thing yet, but! Mark wants Eduardo to come stay in california, Eduardo wants to stay in ny, do what he’s supposed to do with his career the way he’s supposed to do it AND influenced by his family. Maurice wants Alec to stay in England instead of going to Argentina for work and also influenced by his family. Both Alec and Eduardo are faced with the choice of stepping out of the line to make it work with someone they love. is love an emotion through which you can sometimes enjoy yourself or can it do things?

And then of course the reason i decided these two things are the same thing: the last scene. Clive at home with Anne, he’s kept all he has said he wanted to keep since the first time Maurice was at his house, he has politics and he has his status and his house. mark has facebook and is rich enough to get the guillotine and has changed social networking or whatever the fuck (i wouldn’t know cause i never had a facebook, which is a fictional website made up for the movie the social network (2010) dir. david fincher). However, mark’s trying to get Erica to accept his friend request, Clive’s thinking of Maurice at cambridge, they both want something they had back and aren’t happy. ALSO how Clive wants to keep his status and the symbol for this social status throughout the book is his house, and said house is kinda falling apart (because it’s like 1912 and the rural bourgeois in england are going down or whatever, but maybe also cause class status means shit when you wanna love and be loved and you’re gay in 1912 england), and facebook is basically getting sued the whole movie, it’s a lot of trouble and the movie never focusses on how exactly facebook has been so revolutionary and great, it’s about how it’s a lot of trouble and mark has fucked up, it’s literally a story told through mark getting sued.

And then there’s the reason the social network (2010) is the homophobic version. in Maurice, Maurice finds happiness and he’s with Alec and they love each other and it’s what he wanted. the key fact about the social network though?

Eduardo did, in fact, not come out. as everyone in tsn is supposed to not be knowingly in love with their best friend they never get to find the thing that makes it all work out and makes shit worth it, which is love and friendship and understanding and submitting to the mortifying ordeal of being known (like, even Clive tries to submit to that and says a buch on incredibly tender shit in Maurice, come on), so they get hellbent on being right and suing each other. gay love does NOT save the day in aaron sorkin’s the social network (2010) :^(