#just thinking about the time he basically; apropos of nothing; decided to make us run a 5k all through town

[fingertipsmp3]

Feel like locating my secondary school PE teacher and sending him some kind of hate message tbh

[its-your-mind]

This is a call to action for all the PJO girlies (gender neutral) that I know are sleeper agents on this webbed site

Go read Trials of Apollo. Go do it. Do it right now.

I know what you’re thinking. “Tbh I didn’t love Rick’s writing towards the end of Heroes of Olympus” “There’s no Percy so why bother” “All of the Argo II crew are kinda OOC” and listen my friends. You are so valid to have those opinions. I felt the same way after Blood of Olympus. But listen to me. Look at me.

Now that you have had some time away, you must give these books another try. For me. For Uncle Rick. For the demon baby grain spirit who is only able to say his own name (Peaches).

Do not worry friends, I do not expect you to read just based on my say-so - I also provide:

A list of reasons why you (yes you) should go read the Trials of Apollo series right now gogogo:

(Spoiler warning - all broad plot things that you learn early on, but I know some people (including me) avoid that shit at all costs)

All the chapters are titled in bad haiku. Ya know that one scene in Titan’s Curse where Apollo just starts reciting apropos of nothing? That’s every chapter title. They’re all so bad it’s amazing.

Apollo is so up his own ass about everything, and it’s so cool to experience the same world through the eyes of someone who is not used to being in amongst the chaos

Oh yeah the plot. That’s a reason to read it.

Okay so

Basically Zeus continues his streak of being a shitty shit parent and decides to blame like… every bad thing that has happened on Apollo, and punish him by turning him mortal and enslaving him to a demigod girl named Meg who is a garbage gremlin with a little demon baby guard named Peaches (see above)

And like the A plot is they gotta save the oracles from shitty old Romans who wanna take over the world (stop me if you’ve heard this one before)

But like the B plot is about what it means to discover that you’ve fucked up, you’ve made mistakes, you’ve hurt people, and you gotta fucking own up to that shit

But also

You do not deserve to be punished for every horrible thing that has ever happened because of you, or even around you, and when a parental or authority figure in your life tells you that, they are an abuser and they are wrong

And yet

It can be so hard to fully separate yourself from them. Because for so long, they were all you had.

But that’s okay, because when you start to learn that the people who were supposed to care for you and love you were not actually doing that, there are people around you who will love you, who will support you, who will pick you up and hold you close and make sure you know that you are okay

And they can’t fix you

But they can give you the safe space to fix yourself

hmm that was an essay about themes and metaphors BUT THATS WHY YOU SHOULD READ IT

also there’s a wikipedia arrow who only speaks in Elizabethan prose (in all caps)

OH ALSO ALSO you get to see Will and Nico being a CUTE AS FUCK couple in the first book. Nico smiles. Also makes skeletons grow out of the ground when people annoy him. Fuck I love this little gay death boy so much.

AND. You get to see so MANY of your old friends. And they still! Get! Plot! And! Character! Development!! Even though they are only there for a little bit

OH OH OH there are two old lesbians who run a halfway house for people who are tangled up in magic shit with nowhere else to go

Did I mention Peaches? I did. He’s my favorite.

OH ALSO. This is “unreliable narrator” executed SO FUCKING WELL. Like, all narrators are unreliable. But Apollo used to be a FUCKING GOD. He has not had to deal with the reality of death all that much. He’s used to people praising his name and bowing down at his feet. But that ain’t happening!! And he is Unhappy about that!! But it also lets there be such a clear juxtaposition between what Apollo believes about himself and about the world and what is really true, which is such a wonderful way to write about recovery from trauma.

Ahem

Anyway it’s just real good Uncle Rick continues to knock it out of the park but he just did something different and we (at least I) needed some space from OG PJO fan brain before I could appreciate how fucking awesome this series is.

OH OH OH and if you like audiobooks Robbie Daymond (hello CR mutuals - yes, this is the one who is our beloved Blue Boi who we (Orym) so desperately need returned) is the audiobook narrator and he is. So fucking good. Absolutely NAILS the dramatic-ass-inner-monologue of this dramatic ass ex-deity. Also nails all the other voices as well. 15/10 audiobook narration I’m lichrally gonna go listen to other books JUST cuz he reads them.

okay why the fuck are you still here. GO. GET THESE BOOKS. If your public library does Libby you can absolutely get them on there. GO FORTH.

[ariesbilly]

The Duffers trying to peddle the whole found family, outcasts band together arc is so fucking funny to me because:

Nancy was never an outcast, they just gave her that shitty 'preppy popular girl gets moral angst so becomes a badass gun wielding apocalyptic grunge princess overnight' arc and then literally never showed her at school again so even if she did become an outcast, you actually never see it. In fact, we see multiple times beyond that that she's still very much considered the polite, proper, middle-upper class small town girl by any of her peers who aren't The Gang.

Barb. Chubby shy girl always in the preppy princess' shadow as the holy voice of reason, invited along as nothing but the moral support so Nancy can get laid. Dead. Dead and forgotten by literally everyone except her parents and used as a character device for Nancy (and by extension her romance with Steve.)

Steve is only technically an outcast by association. Sure, he has that fight with Tommy, but Tommy and the dude always kissing ass in Tommy's shadow are the only ones we ever see actually like. Treating Steve any differently, arcade manager dude aside (who just does not give a shit about anyone else anyway.) If the Duffers had actually properly shown Steve at school like Nancy we would've seen that while he might not have been as popular, he definitely wouldn't be sat alone in the corner. I mean come on he was in Scoops Ahoy and still getting flirted with. If you actually peeled him away from The Gang for like five minutes he'd be top of the food chain again.

The actual outcasts themselves pick and choose who is and isn't allowed in The Gang and will immediately turn on each other the moment one of them doesn't meet the standard, as we clearly saw with Lucas, who literally just got into sport and made a few friends on the team. They turn on each other constantly, weaponize their knowledge of each other as and when it suits them, and clearly have a classification of what is and isn't the 'right' kind of outcast. (coughBillyHargrovecough.) Which is exactly the behavior they resent the 'normies' for.

Apropos Billy. The Duffers literally said "its about outcasts and found family and coming together against monsters both human and not" and then also said "except for the traumatised queer-coded abuse victim. We very very clearly want you to know he is the most evil of evil out there and his sole purpose is to get beaten up and die." They decided Steve Harrington couldn't die so they made his evil gay clone. The literal only way they could think of to make Billy "bad" was to have him shout at Lucas and beat up Steve. They said "his ass is too big for him to live but we're gonna ride it for the entire PR train."

Speaking of queer-coded outcasts and dying. I know you hate Eddie Munsen, but he was basically the Queer Canary 2.0. The Duffers really said "anyone who would not be on a Home and Garden magazine cover must be shot on sight." Joe and Joseph started getting a lil too homerotic and the Duffers started loading up the gun.

And controversial but Robin. I love love love Robin but its really like the Duffers said "we have to keep one queer alive to avoid the homophobia allegations" and then after months at the drawing board they just shrugged and said "why don't we just copy-paste Steve but change the formatting to lesbian?"

And like. Its been shown that the moment all these so-called outcasts are separated, suddenly, they're not really that outcast anymore! They're all growing up, getting hobbies, making new friends, realizing that they don't have quite as much in common as they thought they did. Will and Dustin are the only two who kind of stay on the hem of that original format.

I'm not even going to talk about whatever the fuck that was with Eleven running away to some fever dream Murder Goths™ secret club. Not even the Duffers want to talk about it. It genuinely makes me think of the Twilight baseball scene. Its like you know the vision they had in mind when they thought it up but then its like they asked AI to create it.

Stranger Things is just the Duffers' Wattpad Mary Sue Y/N fanfiction.

Don’t you DARE disrespect the twilight baseball scene like this

No one in this life could ever convince me Eddie is queer like god himself could stand before me and I will tell him he is wrong

Billy being Steve’s evil gay clone is so real tho I’ll give you that

Um it’s 2024 are we all ready to admit the party is just the nerd boy version of the plastics? Are we ready to have that conversation? I’m ready to have that conversation

[n0-eyedtaissa]

Don’t You Forget About Me (Outer Banks OC x The Pogues): Chapter Two

tagging: @hughstheforcelou @reggiemantleholdmyhand-tle @cactiem @kazinejghafa, chapter one can be found here!

Part One: 1 Year before the big move

key event: 2 days after clementine’s seventeenth birthday

The aftermath of a birthday was often a tumultuous thing. The focus on aging and the passage of time made Clementine overthink everything: the pain in her left knee from when she sprained it playing soccer, the pain in her back from how she slouched over while sitting in bed, the bags under her eyes from staying up to late. Did she feel older? More mature? Did she feel different at all? Clementine stood in front of the full length mirror in her bedroom and gives herself a slow once-over, seeing if she can see anything different about herself. She leans in close to the mirror, hot breath fogging up the glass, studying her reflection as she scrutinized herself. She gives up easily, not liking how critical she was being to herself. Her mother, Natalie, always told her and Kimber that the best thing they could do for their self esteem was to look at themselves with kind eyes. Clementine exhales and rests her forehead on the mirror as she takes a moment to recollect herself, shaking off any negative thoughts she had about herself and her reflection now that they were both another year older. She closes her eyes and breathes in through her nose and out through her mouth, taking a moment to listen to everything around her. Clementine can hear the fish tank in the dining room as it percolates, she can hear her dad’s boisterous laugh coming from the living room as he sits with his feet up after a long day, catching up on all of his shows. What she didn’t expect to hear, however, was the sharp voice of her sister in the room next door as she spoke to someone on the phone in a series of harsh whispers.

“No! I didn’t know, how could you even say that?” Clementine hears Kimber raise her voice, although she was trying hard to remain calm and quiet. There’s a mutter of a response from whoever was on the other line but it’s too soft for Clementine to be able to decipher what the other person was saying. 

“Of course it is…there was only you, you know that” Kimber says, soft and sad. Only you. It gives Clementine enough context to put the pieces together. She didn’t know what Kimber was talking about, but she knew who she was talking to: Liam Gatwin, Gat. The boy from across the street, first Mate on the Vita Caprice; Kimber’s Gat

Clementine gulps and presses her ear to the wall.

Across the bedroom, Clementine’s cellphone bleats out with a notification sound and the suddenness of it startles her so much that she hits her head against the wall, the hollow sound echoing against the thin walls. “Shit, shit, shit” She scrambles back towards her bed, head spinning as she hoped that Kimber wouldn’t be popping her head in to see what all the noise was about. Clementine sits on her bed for a handful of anxious minutes before she determined the coast is clear.

Finally deciding to pick up her phone, Clementine is confused as to why she’s been sent a handful of links from her Uncle Greg. ‘Show these to ur dad, will ya? XO, G’ She taps on each of them, a string of job offers and house listenings in Kildere County, the Outer Banks. It'd only been a day and a half since the party when Lyle told his younger brother that he'd think about relocating the North Carolina. He never said a true, flat-out yes — he never did. Lyle Adams was an indecisive man to his core, so why was he already looking into jobs and houses in another state?

Clementine exits her bedroom slowly and quietly, trying to be cavalier as she shuffled her way towards the kitchen to get a glass of water. She cranes her neck and tries to listen carefully as she passes Kimber’s closed door, the ‘Keep Out’ sign only furthering the distance between the two sisters. Part of her wants to raise her hand up to the door and knock, but another part of Clementine liked that she got to be the one to keep secrets for once. She shakes the idea from her head and continues to trudge up the hallway, her bare feet sticking against the kitchen floor as she tiptoed to the refrigerator. 

“What’re you into, kid?” Lyle calls out from his spot on the couch, not even bothering to turn away from the television show his eyes were glues to. ‘Something about fishing…how apropos’ Clementine thinks to herself. 

“Water” She mumbles, pulling a glass from the cabinet and filling it up from the refrigerator. She’s too busy lost in thoughts about the Outer Banks to realize that her cup was brimming over with water from the filter so she leaves it in on the counter, not bothering to wipe up what spilled. Clementine stands in the middle of the kitchen for a minute, unbeknownst to her father, contemplating whether or not to bring up the texts that she received. She knows that this isn’t something she’d be able to hold onto for long, the prospect of packing up the house that she grew up in and moving from Florida to North Carolina was something that warranted a conversation as a family, it shouldn’t just get to be a decision that her dad made on behalf of everybody. 

“Hey, uh, dad?” She mumbles nervously, shuffling around the kitchen island to step down into the living room and into her father’s line of sight. 

“Yeah?” Lyle groans like old men often do as he shifts his position on the big couch in order to get a better look at his youngest daughter. “What’s on your mind, Clem?”

She pulls her phone from the waistband of her pajama shorts and opens the string of texts from Uncle Greg, tossing her phone onto the couch cushion next to her dad. “Care to explain?” She raises her eyebrow and tries to use the same parental tone he always used on her and Kimber. 

Lyle picks up Clementine’s phone and tries to squint through the brightness in order to better read what was on her cracked screen. As soon as he can read Job Offering: Kildere County, Outer Banks he knows that the gig is up and he can’t hide it anymore. He sighs, running his hand over the scruff of his beard. “He was supposed to send those to my email…”

“What happened to just thinking about it?” Clementine feels her throat tighten up, her pulse on the uptick as she's overcome with a wave of anxiety and betrayal.

Lyle stands up from his spot on the couch, resting his weight on the arm of the couch as he tried to level with Clementine. “I am thinking about it, okay? There’s a lot of jobs out there — jobs that pay a lot more than I’m making over here. They had a big storm over there last summer and it made the sandbar shift, your uncle says that the fish are basically begging to be caught!”

Clementine scoffs, rolling her eyes at her father and his blind optimism. “You know he’d tell you anything you wanted if it meant that you’d be closer to him, he’s a lonely fucking bastard, dad.”

Lyle’s eyes light up at her comment. “Clementine how dare you say that about my brother — your uncle! Especially after he came all this way just to see you on your birthday!”

Clementine can’t believe the words her dad is saying: “I wouldn’t be surprised if the only reason he came was to talk you further into moving” She wants to raise her voice now, she knows that her uncle wouldn’t come all the way from North Carolina only because it was her birthday. The two of them had to have been planning this for some time now. 

It’s clear that Lyle is taken aback by his daughter’s accusations, though he wasn’t confirming or denying them. “It’s not like that, okay? Clem I promise you, no one was going behind your back or your sister’s. A lot of good opportunities are falling in my lap right now and I’d be foolish not to take them…”

Clementine scoffs at her father again. “What, do you just expect all of us to pack up our lives and go? Everything we love is here, dad! Our friends are here, our family, school? Do you expect me to leave right before I’m supposed to graduate?” She can’t help but start to panic, thinking about what would happen if she had to move schools after her junior year.

Lyle takes a moment to breathe, to check his tone and his temper so he doesn’t run the risk of upsetting his daughter even further. “Clem, you’re a good kid, you’ll make friends no matter where you go. And family’s family, they’ll be supportive if it means I’ll be able to provide for you girls better.”

“How are you being so casual about this right now?” Clementine yells, finally losing her cool. Her dad was always the one to preach togetherness and the importance of family and togetherness yet he was the one trying to leave everything that they knew behind. What was the point in setting down roots if you were just going to rip them out and replant them?

Lyle sighs, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. “Because, kid, nothing’s set in stone right now. Am I looking into things over there, yes. But nothing’s confirmed, okay?” He holds his hands out in front him, trying to deescalate. 

Instead of trying to argue more or to defend herself, Clementine just shakes her head and turns on her heels, stomping down the hallway and slamming her bedroom door behind her. She throws herself onto her bed and puts her headphones on, trying to find a song to help elevate her fouled mood. She runs her fingers through her hair and massages away the tension head ache that was forming. Her bedroom is silent for a few minutes as she breathes through her anxiety about her dad considering moving to the Outer Banks; usually his ‘I’ll think about it’ was a way to soften the blow of a no but this time he was actually really thinking about it. 

A knock at her bedroom door brings Clementine back to attention. “What?” She exclaims sharply, assuming it was her dad at the door trying to continue their conversation and to clear the air. 

“You okay?” Kimber asks sheepishly, poking her head through the door, her eyes trained on the plush carpet.

Clementine lets out a defeated-sounding laugh. “I’m fine…are you?” Clementine wanted to allude to the pieces of Kimber’s phone conversation that she overheard.

Kimber’s eyes light up in a panic. “You heard that earlier?”

Clementine rapidly shakes her head no, not wanting to give her sister the wrong idea. “Didn’t hear anything specific, just that it sounded kind of intense.” She tries to downplay how much she heard, how she was able to figure out that it was Gat that Kimber was talking on the phone to. 

“Oh” Kimber smiles sadly. “I’ll be okay, I always am.”

[jq37]

i know you posted your thoughts on the big arguing scene in “we need to talk about pete” but i was wondering if you were going to post a full breakdown? that episode was a lot and i love hearing your thoughts on eps. ignore this if you have done a breakdown and i’m dumb and just missed it lol

**spoilers for the war of bugs and rats and we need to talk about pete**

What’s up denizens of Magic NYC? Now, I unfortunately live in normal NYC where I have to pay bills and stuff so I’ve been MIA with recaps for the past few eps but, no sweat. We’re gonna do a double feature of the above two eps and then I’ll group in the last battle episode with the upcoming episode. So lets catch up on what’s been going on in The Unsleeping City There’s a LOT to get through so vámanos y'all.

First up, we have our big bug fight in Queens, which Sophie enters with a camelback full of box wine because Emily is Emily.

“I’ve heard of gentrification but this is crazy!”

Brennan enjoys making those gross, chittering, bug noises way too much.

Have we talked about Pete’s cowboy hat? Because, for real, what is up with Pete’s cowboy hat? It seems absolutely apropos of nothing. Was he just like, “Sick,” and he decided to wear it everywhere? That seems to be how he makes all of his decisions.

“Butthole 2: Electric Boogaloo.”

Emily clocks the cat *immediately*. Like to the point where I’m almost thinking, “Did this cat exist before Emily mentioned looking for one?” And I want to say yes because La Gran Gata seems very fleshed out, specific, and intentional. But folks, we are living in a post-Avanash world so idk what to think. (Edit: The cat does have a mini now that I’ve gotten to that but idk, that insert shot could have been shot post ep so like, who knows?)

Anyway, Emily’s entire mission objective immediately becomes saving this cat she’s vaguely aware of.  

“5E you crazy.”

The Cast, Knowing Emily just rolled a 25 and still has a 1d8 Bless in Her Back Pocket if She Needs It: Brennan, Just Ask.

The horror on Emily’s face when she realizes that she just called an attack on the cat cocoon.

So Emily goes off on a very Emily side quest to rescue a random cat but happens to unlock a very cool NPC–La Gran Gata–who is like the spirit of all the bodega cats out there. Sophie immediately calls upon the entirety of her limited Spanish skills to try and make friends with the cat, and succeeds.

The, “To arms, to arms my brothers!” thing kills me every time. Are all rats just Like That? Is that what they’re like when they’re out and about too?

Kingston rolling a nat 20 to literally walk across the store is wild.

Oh also, Pete failed a wild magic surge roll which just lets him fly. So far, those wild magic surges have really been working out for him.

Anyway, Bug Boss Becky turns Ricky into a “buff-ass” dog.

Zac playing dog-Ricky with almost exactly the same self-awareness (or lack thereof) as normal-Ricky is so funny. He’s an Akita and I was expecting Dalmatian but that makes sense too. Ricky, the very good boy, attacks Becky and–as a Sentinel–stops her in her tracks.

Emily does a ton of damage and Brennan, about to describe her attack, is like, “Are you still drunk?” Emily shuts down the opportunity to look cooler and is like, “I am a messy, drunk bitch. Describe that.” Emily isn’t here to be cool. Emily is here to roleplay.

I had never heard the word brindled before now and Brennan uses it to describe two separate animals in this ep.

Siobhan rolls a nat 20 to dispel magic on Ricky which is objectively good but also I would have loved for him to be a dog a little longer. Also, this moment makes me really, really want to get some backstory on Misty. Like, clearly there are some serious Fae Shenanigans going on with her and I need specifics yesterday.

Also, Ricky comes back with pointier ears and wolfier senses and I’m just picturing Channing Tatum in Jupiter Ascending.

Before I forget, Sophie, Pete, and Misty yoink magical items from the magic bodega within the bodega La Gran Gata opened up. Sophie’s is a magic ring that amps up her punches. Misty took a mirror and Pete took a grill (like for your teeth). Not sure what those do yet.

The fact that this whole fight wasn’t under the Umbral Arcana and there are people out there that remember is a little concerning for me. I can’t quite tell if it’s the sort of thing that will come back or more of a warning of what can happen if the U.A. goes down again.

Post-fight, Sophie asks La Gran Gata for mismatched David Bowie eyes like the cat has. Siobahn goes, “That’s what you’re gonna ask? You drunk bitch.” But Sophie has her wish granted. I’m sure that won’t raise any questions with people who have known her her entire life. 

“She’s gonna fuck that cat.”

So the fight’s over and they realize that the Key to the City is missing which I can’t imagine is a good thing.

This brings us to the RP ep, We Need to Talk About Pete, which picks up directly where the previous ep ended.

Ally and Emily go for the exact same joke of getting Guinness’s post-fight. Kingston–as a medical professional, Vox Populi, and sanest adult of this troupe–loudly objects (smacking the beers out of Pete’s hands multiple times) and wants to know what the hell is going on with the bugs they just fought.

Sidenote: Sophie took a level in Warlock with La Gran Gata as her patron because of *course* she did. I wonder if this was the plan from the beginning or if Emily was watching all her friends spellcasting and started getting the jitters from magic user withdrawal.

Murph’s “What?” face when Emily says, “I’ll be waiting, but not in an impatient, desperate way,” is gold.

They search the bodega and find a thing of 1000 Hour Energy and Kugrash gives it to Ricky over Pete’s objections. They also find Holy Grail Laundry Detergent (Kingston pays for it), The Grill I mentioned earlier (Kingston hates this), and this bagel. 

All the magic users show up. Alejandro wants an explanation pronto and everyone points a finger at Pete who explains everything in his typical, nonchalant, vague, kinda spaced out way which Alejandro is not digging at all. He starts to go off on the enormity of the situation and Pete starts dropping acid.

I’m gonna stop here for a sec to talk about how Ally is playing Pete. There are moments when I feel like Ally is doing something as a comedian for a bit. And there’s kind of a sense of, is this funny? Obviously. But what are the in game implications of this move? Like the running joke of Pete constantly being high on something is funny, out of game. But,  in game, it’s massively concerning. And I’m really curious about where Ally is choosing to draw the line between doing the funny thing and doing the prudent thing. I almost said the in-character thing but Ally made a character so consistently bonkers that whatever he does could plausibly be the in-character thing. Pete is kind of a massive disaster.

Anyway, Alejandro drives home the point that Pete’s actions have consequences and have caused actual deaths at this point. Pete’s magic is internally going wonky as he gets more distressed (I really wanted to see a wild magic surge fail here but alas). But he’s still outwardly like a 4 on the giving a damn scale when the situation is a 13 out of 10. Pete is only half listening to this because he’s halfway out the door, smoking. Alejandro plans with Kingston to discuss Pete later.

Misty, always sowing seeds of chaos, suggests Alejandro stock up on Juul pods before they stop selling them completely. Kingston hates this (this is basically his mood for the episode).  

Outside, Pete gets a text from Priya which ends with them planning a meet up for later after leaving her on read for a while. Pete dips without saying anything to anyone but Kingston who ignores him (and also Sophie who Emily hilariously guilts Ally into including out of character). Dipping on the conversation about how to fix YOUR mess isn’t the wisest move but Pete isn’t the wisest guy.  

In the meantime, Ricky does the Twilight Bark to summon a dalmatian (yes!) to help him find the stolen key to the city. Kugrash turns into a busted ass dalmatian who has trouble keeping up.

Ricky doesn’t have the plate mail armor that usually makes a Paladin so unstealthy but he is so hot as to have the same lack of stealthiness which is one of my favorite adaptations of the game for this setting. Anyway, Ricky does the superhero thing of running through the city, helping everyone with a problem along the way, and loses the key in the Financial District which smells like death (feels about right).

Siobahn playing Misty as, “Oh, I can’t believe I didn’t realize it was Emma Lazarus,” when, in reality, she was the first person who made the connection was great. S/o to ppl who separate player and character knowledge. Misty partied w/ Emma of course because she partied with every historical figure that’s passed through NYC since she showed up.

Post adventure, people need to go to their day jobs. Misty has a +10 to performance but rolling a 3 is rolling a 3. It’s not her best work. Later, her assistant brings her holly, silver, and assorted other stuff which sounds like Fae BS if I’ve ever heard it. Misty cuts her off before she can elaborate more. I know we’re getting a secret spilling episode next time so I’m really hoping we get some Misty lore because she is being frustratingly cagey. She talks so much but says so little that means anything.

Kugrash sneaks into his son David’s house (while Emily learns a rat fact she clearly didn’t want to know) and Murph  and Brennan tag team go for the proverbial emotional jugular.

Murph rolls a nat 20 on his investigate and so he gets a lot of his old files and puts together that Robert is Robert Moses–a famous historical figure in NY who I actually heard about for the first time very recently. Or maybe I should say infamous. He did a lot with NY infrastructure–especially highways–(Emily connects this to the Highway Hex immediately) and he wasn’t exactly the warm and fuzzy type. His bread and butter was working the system. There’s a Pulitzer winning book called The Power Broker about how he was able to amass power and influence. I don’t know enough about NY history to run my mouth off about the guy but the little I do know is in character with his T.U.S. incarnation. Also, just FYI, irl this dude died in the 80s. So, you know. That’s interesting.

Brennan, I guess: Why invent new bad guys when history is full of terrible people I just have to give magic to?

Brennan, continuing his tradition of letting people get emotionally destroyed by nat 20s, has Murph find a crushing letter from David to Kug which was never mailed.

Note: So, as I was writing this, my video timed out right at the line, “I don’t expect this letter to find you before my funeral,” which is kinda good bc idk if this is what I need at 1 AM. Anyway, back to the pain.

The letter reveals that David has devoted his life to stopping crooks like him (Kug) and that he’s mostly upset about how his leaving has affected the younger, more fragile Wally.

“I leave the letter because I’ll remember it.” Yeah I bet you will.

It looks like Kug is gonna confront Wally next ep which I am now even more excited to see.

So let’s move onto the SECOND big gut-punch of the episode. Kingston goes down to the station to give a statement about the Santa Incident. He sees a shit elemental in a lineup which isn’t super relevant to the main events but I can’t not mention something like that.

Anyway, guess what? Kingston’s ex (Liz) isn’t dead! She’s an attorney for the justice system of The Unsleeping City and she’s pissed the hell off. During their interview, he stops the tape recorder to cuss out Kingston for going on a “date” with Misty and for getting her involved in all the magical junk which means she has to do things like fingerprint shit elementals instead of being on track to be D.A. like she originally was. The way she described it made it sound like she was press ganged into it which seems like it shouldn’t be how this works, you know? Is there no blue pill option here? Also, not to be all grass is greener but I actually am a lawyer in NY (closer to Kug’s job, minus the crime) and I would swap with Liz in a heartbeat.

The fact that anything Kingston says as Vox is per se admissible is a cool detail. 

Sophie fights an old man (Jackson) in a CVS and joins a monastery which sounds like a shitpost but it isn’t. With La Gran Gata’s blessing she is now a member of the Order of the Concrete Fist.

I saw the Staten Island joke coming the second Brennan started talking but it was still hysterical when it landed.

At the same time, Pete is getting knuckle tats because, sure. And he also goes to see Priya who I am baffled was with him for any length of time. Maybe it’s the artist thing?

Also, Sophie keeps postponing her meeting with Mario which is concerning to me. The story is still happening when you’re not interacting with it. Brennan specifically said when she texted him that she got no response which doesn’t make me feel good about what’s going on with him.

Ricky has three super jacked, fratty firefighter bros, all named John who are like woke as hell. I wish I could follow the dude around for a day because every single facet of his life is wild.

Well, this episode promised we were gonna talk about Pete so let’s talk about Pete.

The gang, sans Pete, meet up with the magical powers that be to discus the destruction the newest Vox his leaving in his wake.

Sidenote, wild that Sophie has been magic for like 15 minutes and got to go to this meeting.

Alejandro wants to know what the plan is for if Pete’s powers go off the rails again. Kingston, who has clearly seen Old Yeller, offers the most drastic solution immediately: if it comes to it, we take him out. (Cut to Ally’s “Yikes” face). Kug, Sophie, and Ricky push back on that.

Misty, hilariously (and also suspiciously), is mainly concerned about NY because she needs theater to keep happening. This woman is chaotic something and I’m not convinced it’s chaotic good yet.

Anyway, I already did my big write-up on this part of the episode, but I’ll say it again: Kingston is right. He’s harsh but he’s right. This is some Phoenix Force BS that’s happening and do you know how that arc ends (the OG one, not the million other Phoenix Sagas that have happened since)? It ends with Jean Grey killing herself so she doesn’t lose control and eat another planet. Ricky is too dangerous for his own good and he doesn’t seem to have the emotional maturity to care (or at least to care at the correct level). Like, he was a drug dealer when this started which is already not ideal. He caused a huge mess and then just bounced without trying to help fix it. He thought that a week was enough time for human casualties to be water under the bridge. Frankly, not considering the nuclear option and just having to figure out if killing him is something the group is willing to do on the fly would be the more irresponsible option.

And not including Pete in the discussion would bother me more if he hadn’t openly blown off every serious discussion people have tried to have with him so far. If he’s not going to take things seriously, it makes sense they don’t invite him to the serious discussions.

The version of this story where Pete accidentally gets a bunch of people killed, finds out what he did, cries about it for a full day, and then finds out they’re talking about possibly killing him is a story where Pete is more sympathetic imo. But still, finding out that people talked about killing you under any circumstances has got to be rough.

IMO, the order of things that should be done right now are (1) putting magical training wheels on Pete, (2a) getting Pete trained or his powers transferred if it’s possible/he wants out, (2b) either way, getting Pete into therapy (like, he needed therapy before he got magic. now it’s just a matter of life and death–besides just his own), (3) talking to Pete again about the stakes and telling him point blank but not in while heated that there’s the possibility of a scenario where his powers go out of control and you have to understand that at that point it’s a matter of saving as many lives as possible. Like, Kingston can say, with conviction, “If I go rogue, you should do the same to me.” They’re in the same boat. Kingston’s just been rowing longer. Well, similar boats anyway. I imagine the Vox Populi powers are less inherently chaotic. And maybe the knowledge that a nuclear option is on the table would make Pete not want the job or want him to have his powers muted or something. Cool. Then you have that discussion at that point. Just, these are the conversations that need to happen. And maybe his own mortality will be the thing that helps get Pete’s head in the game. 

What jewel did Ale take out of his pocket during this conversation? Taking note of that. (Juul, not jewel. Duh. Thx thethief )

Pete gets in touch w/ Alejandro’s granddaughters who tell him that Alejandro’s still pretty pissed (which is surprising to Pete but like, bro. People died). Then, Robert shows up to sweet talk Pete and show him the video (that he somehow has) of Kingston talking at the Pete Meeting. When I was watching this the first time I was like, “How long before this blows up in their face–oh, almost immediately. Cool.”

He takes Pete to his vampire nightclub and hits him with Pete’s own “I didn’t create the demand” line that you just know Brennan put a pin in to hit Pete with that Uno Reverse card.

Robert tries to get Pete to summon Nod and then just does it forcibly with some kind of blood magic when Pete is hesitant. Pete wild magic surges, kills a bunch of vamps, and Nod (super injured by being in the waking world) teleports them both to the subway.

The group (including Alejandro) meets them there so they can catch the L train to Nod but Epona shows up. And you already know from Fantasy High that Brennan is on the ACAB train (or is that AFCAB?). Epona is now wearing a crooked badge–crooked badge for a crooked cop. She wants Nod. No can do. The gang gets ready to–to quote Mr. Cubby-make some bacon while Alejandro tries to cast a spell to summon a train to Nod (the place not the person).

So I’ll see y’all next time (whenever that is) for some subway fighting and some backstory unlocking! 

[steve0discusses]

Yugioh S4 Ep1 Part 1: Yugi Ditches Algebra, Cards Become Real

Ah, a new season a new day. It’s Season 4. And we’re going to start of with:

A deep sea sub. Sure, why not?

So Yugi’s unofficial other grandpa, Arthur Hawkins, AKA one of the member’s of this show’s only really happening OTP has decided to kinda ditch his Granddaughter Rebecca and go to the bottom of the ocean. Don’t blame him. Down here is where, I guess, he will come across this very Grecian looking structure.

Like Yugioh nonchalantly passes a lot of bad history at me but like...he’s in the Atlantic Ocean and there’s Grecian style stuff everywhere?

Why? I mean at least he’s not in the Pacific but like...Yugioh. Anyways, we’re not in Greece but the show had very little time to invent a brand new ancient architecture style although I would be super down for that.

But like...here’s the thing about columns--you can go really deep into column lore and people are really freakin picky about columns and what they mean, and this could have been a low key hilarious place to make an entirely new column order just for Yugioh. They could’ve done it and they decided not to. It’s OK, I’ll save it for the Marik’s Boat Time spinoff they’ll never ever make.

But I just want to bring up just real super fast that Noah and Gozaburo must’ve known about this place for years right? Like they super lived underwater and had robots poised to attack mankind stationed all over the sea floor so...we can pretty much guarantee they already knew about this place?

Just gonna bring up what a shame it is Noah freakin died.

Also want to bring up what a shame it was that Arthur didn’t show up at the beginning of S3 and be like “hey Yugi, I was just in the neighborhood, noticed you got picked up by an undersea gang, what’s up?”

(read more under the cut)

Anyway, there he is, our 70 yo adventurer, who has more energy than I have at under half his age. Arthur Hawkins needs to take it down a few pegs.

Or is it Hawkings?

Wtv.

Anyways, I gave Hawkins this tweed colored font that I just realized is nearly the same as Joey’s so it’ll change if he ever comes back.

Thanks for that prologue, Yugioh. Anyway, apparently no one on this side of Japan freakin cares, because despite finding what looks exactly like Godzilla’s lair on the bottom of the sea, we’re gonna instead fixate on Rex and Weevil.

Y’all I was going to make a joke about “why does this show fixate so much on Rex and Weevil at the beginning of so many arcs?” when I remembered that Bakura basically murdered all the other mean mini bosses from S1 except for Bandit Keith, who probably got deported by now.

I had to think long and hard just now about whether or not I’ve used that joke before because it is S4 and y’all I just don’t even remember.

(I have a very long story about Warby Parker that I just deleted fyi)

Rex is a Christmas plaid now because there are too many characters in this show.

Now that Rex and Weevil have been reunited, which is surprising because I just assumed these two have been Bert and Ernie-ing it up in some condo in the NYC, They say:

I almost forgot about the secret side-plot of Yugioh, that everyone is a cheese monger and very open about it.

So anyway, they’re off to have a very simple storyline of “I will try and Challenge Yugi Muto for God Cards” which...good luck with that, it only took 2 seasons for Yugi to finally accept his challenge from Seto Kaiba. Have fun following around Yugi Muto for 2 seasons.

When there’s a...really bizarre twist that happens. Just a very weird turn of events. Like recall that it’s the middle of the day, and the sun is shining, and there’s people and cars everywhere, and it’s a good neighborhood, and then, like playing Pokemon in tall grass, this guy just appears in front of them.

And guys, I’m from the Bay Area and I have slipped and fallen right on top of my phone on Fillmore which was DEVASTATING so like...their unstoppable speed walk down this 12 degree slope is...

I think they wanted to run into them, I really think they did. I think people in this town are so desperate for any excuse to fall into a horrifying disaster that they are just magnetically attracted to anyone wearing an oversized blanket.

Also this guy’s look is...kind of forgettable. It’s somehow weird and also forgettable at the same time. Hit that sweet spot for me. I don’t even remember this guy’s name, it was so forgettable. I’ll look it up later. Maybe bro will do it. I dunno. He wears a Monocle so like...that’s all I can say about this guy.

OK so I just checked in with Bro and then Bro made a weird rant about this guy being called Gurimo and how bro had some strong opinions about Season 4. Then Bro said a statement that really stuck with me, although I only remember part of the statement which was: “...this guy can just go get more monocles from Forever 21 and Hot Topic...” which made me very quickly realize my adult brother has never entered either a Forever 21 or a Hot Topic if he thinks a cultist in a monocle would purchase monocles from there.

I learned a lot and now you have to know this too.

And in case you’re wondering “did Rex and Weevil deserve this?” No. He just immediately decided to steal their soul on the sidewalk in front of Women’s Foot Locker from what I assume is just down the street from Yugi Muto’s house/game shop.

(how did this storyboarder nail the 3/4 degree angle on Weevil here? Do you know how hard that is to do with not just glasses but weird ass chunky glasses?)

Ah, a duel disk that can stab yourself in the stomach with two very poorly laid out barbs.

Very nice rival to Kaiba’s duel disk that will behead you if you don’t fling your arm out just right.

So like...did he steal a duel disk from Kaiba and then mod it? Is that what they did? The whole point of duel disks is that you’re linked up to the Dueling Facebook or whatever...so did this Cultist buy a normal duel disk from Toy’s R Us and then say “ahahah I’m going to do so much card crime!” and then start modding it with help of a cosplay forum? Like what’s the story here of how this guy spent all of last year (and definitely all of last season) modding this duel disk over a computer desk, some metallic acrylic paint, and a sauntering iron, feverishly asking his forum if anyone can 3d print some sick ass runes for his soul-sucking duel disk?

And then I guess this guy dueled both Rex and Weevil at the same time? Like this was all off screen...but why didn’t Rex and Weevil just leave? Just don’t pull out your duel disk and you’re probably good?

Just so many ways to have avoided losing your soul in the first ten minutes of Yugioh.

Anyway, on the other side of town, Tea is worrying about Yugi which is basically her normal.

Joey and Tristan decided to meet up with her, not because she was clearly in distress, but because Yugi isn’t around, and why worry about Tea when instead your friend Yugi is probably going to destroy the world the moment you turn around (and he did. Yugi absolutely effed everything up the very moment these three took their eyes off of him)

And what was weird is that it took Yugi until, I dunno...several streets over to kind of come out of the ether and be like “heeey Pharaoh...um...what’s up?” Like it took him this long to say something. Probably so that by the time they would have walked back to school math would have been over.

So...did Yugi just not notice at first? Like it’s sort of amazing what these two don’t know what the other one is up to. Including this situation that little Yugi absolutely should have picked up on.

As it turns out, the cards are speaking very audibly to Pharaoh. This should have been somewhat of a...youknow...red flag...since Yugi can’t hear them but Pharaoh can. But, Yugi’s like “well...we’re so used to everyone just giving us the answer and that being the right call, I guess this must also be the right call.”

And...although he had quite the head start, These three are more than willing to drop the hell out of class and rack up those absences. I’m gonna assume they had to make up another wild excuse about Tea’s cat to that one teacher to get out of school just like last time, but they did all that offscreen.

And then Tea just kind of snapped, and she did so with a smile the entire time.

Her wording was somewhat different, but she did basically say something along the lines of “if you don’t remember me telling you this a million times, you are an idiot” and Pharaoh didn’t have an answer and so it was like he said without saying anything “yes, I am.”

Which he will further prove like five minutes from now.

Like Y’all, bless his cursed perfect ass, but Pharaoh is the biggest idiot in this show. Sometimes he’s brilliant, but if he’s ever left to his own devices, just the biggest idiot. He got duped by some guy pretending to throw his voice so that his cards looked like they were talking to him. Pharaoh thought cards can talk.

And so that’s how Pharaoh freakin caused the Apocalypse. The first of many.

He did so just so very easily.

His cards started wigging out, the tablet started icing over--it was like “hey remember what took 2 seasons to build up to? Well screw it.”

Also this happened, apropos of absolutely nothing.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand cards are real.

I mean they’ve been real for a few seasons but now the cards are officially real and they’re not cute like Pokemon. They’re all really gross and roided out and they probably have a funky smell. All of them.

I knew we’d get here eventually I just didn’t know it would be SO fast.

When no one was paying absolutely any attention--when my entire focus was inside of this museum, that was when cards became real.

Well...

...time to shove em into little balls I guess. Anyways, that’s it for this update because this episode was a lot of stuff so I’m gonna split it so y’all have it easier and so I have it easier too.

And if you just got there this is S4, if you want to start reading these from S1, here’s a link to the collection in chrono order, it’s basically like reading a Victor Hugo length of book except its just me ranting about WTF is going on in OG Yugioh for 100+ episodes, knock yourself out.

[bigskydreaming]

So random stuff about me and my acting career, apropos of nothing but being bored and having a spare moment. Putting it under a cut, not because it’s super personal or I have a problem with reblogs or anything in this instance, it’s just long and rambly and only of interest if you’re like....actually interested. Idk.

So I was just talking about memory, and I’m weird because in most instances, I actually have a really freaky good memory. It’s not photographic, but it’s still damn good. I can memorize a script fast enough that it gives most of my other actor friends envy, I could draw a floorplan of like, every house I lived in as a kid, but the thing is it’s not automatic. I have to like....make a mental note to lock something in as worth hanging on to. Its not like I look at a page and I have it memorized, but I look at a page and make a mental note like I’m taking a snapshot of it, and then its locked in. 

But bottom line....I have a really really good memory for anything I care about to some degree, for whatever reason I care about it, whether it’s an important life event or a scene by scene breakdown of a fave fanfic I read twenty years ago in high school. Flip side tho....I have an absolutely TERRIBLE memory for anything that doesn’t particularly matter to me and I was never paying that much attention to begin with.

Now, you would think this would work out in my favor overall, as an actor, right? Like I said, I can memorize scripts really quickly and hold onto them for as long as I need to, I never forget a face if it’s someone I like or have a good interaction with, stuff like that.

Buuuuuut....problem is.....I’m also a jaded cynical asshole who super doesn’t give a shit about a lot of key things that most everyone else in the entertainment industry assumes everyone cares about as much as them. Like....say, how famous a person is, or how popular a show or movie is.

I could tell you every little detail I learned in conversation with a super obscure actor I worked with once eight years ago that’s only recently achieved a level of fame or celebrity if that actor was someone I enjoyed working with as a person. But if say, for instance, purely speaking hypothetically, if an actor were someone that I decided I didn’t give a shit about five seconds into our interaction because he came across as Generic Hollywood Douchebag #27? And if that actor was mostly in shows that aren’t to my personal tastes and so aren’t really on my radar, it doesn’t matter how big or famous that actor is, or even if I’ve literally met them three different times on three different projects and been personally introduced to them because I had actual lines with them.....hypothetically I would probably reintroduce myself to them each time as though it were the first time we’d ever met, even though I’m the nameless nobody and they’re the big star, because I simply did not give enough of a shit about them to lock in our previous interactions.

Now, I’m not saying that this scenario has happened, I’m just saying that it hasn’t....not happened. 

And I’ve definitely never been in the super awkward position of only realizing halfway into a three week shoot with a director that the kinda weird random comments the director keeps making to me have to do with the fact that he actually directed me in a commercial years earlier and has been assuming this whole time that I definitely remembered working with him before, whoops.

But yeah, point is, I have a lot of cool or interesting or funny stories from working in Hollywood for like...ten years now, I think? Idk. But they’re all from like...good days on set on projects I enjoyed working with people I liked. I’ve had just as many projects where I literally just showed up for the paycheck, worked with people I didn’t err...particularly care for, and basically just....forgot everything about the job and the experience the minute I walked off set because who needs that shit, you know? Like I mean, yes, I’m petty and spiteful and joke about this all the time, but in reality, I don’t ACTUALLY get super annoyed over every single negative interaction I ever have, I just exaggerate this aspect of me for shits and giggles on tumblr because I’m unneccessarily melodramatic. When it comes to my day to day job, aka working on set on various projects, its just not worth the mental energy to get worked up over a lot of the shit I deal with on a daily basis because like, Ego is EVERYWHERE in Hollywood, and even I do not have the time or energy to be annoyed every time I have to work with a patronizing asshole. So mostly, I just tend to...forget about them. Unless they REALLY get under my skin.

Anyway, this leads to a very weird dichotomy when it comes to talking about my actual career and experiences as an actor. I can totally be guilty of name-dropping and being all oh I know so and so or I worked on this or that, but its not really because I think its super impressive because they’re so famous or whatever. The novelty of working with famous people wears off pretty quick, and like...no matter how big the person you’re working with today is, its not like there isn’t always someone bigger, you know? So when I name drop, it tends to be because I just really like someone as a person or just had a really good time working with them or working on a particular shoot. But then again, flip side.....try and talk to me about a job I didn’t care about, I mean, not a job I HATED but a job I just....wasn’t invested in, just was there for the paycheck, and like....you’ll get a blank stare 99% of the time. 

So, I technically remain pseudo anonymous for the time being on tumblr, not wanting to publicly link this URL to my like....work stuff, that’s because most of you have seen me get enough anon crap from people worked up about fandom drama, that its not worth it to me to risk giving them potential ammunition like that. Considering I.....umm, absolutely have talked a LOT of shit about a couple of movies and shows and actors and directors that I have worked on or with personally because I have no filter lmao. 

(And yes, Kalen is my real name and ppl have found my twitter and writing stuff because of it BUT I use a different name for my SAG name so like, that’s not what I’m on IMDB and stuff as). But because I have no filter and am one of the least subtle people in existence, I actually do end up saying a lot of stuff I probably shouldn’t if I REALLY wanted to remain totally anonymous, because a few people have absolutely figured out stuff I’ve been in and even tracked me down based on stuff I’ve mentioned over the years, lol whoops. And its not really that big a deal because I do have enough common sense....well no, okay let’s put it this way, I do have a firm enough system of prioritizing things for myself that anything I do say out loud, online or in public, is something that I would and have stood by even if it ends up getting me in trouble. Like, its not end of the world type secrecy, its more just....eh, I don’t really want to deal with unnecessary career drama if I don’t have to, so I try to be vague about stuff when I remember to, but I’m not like....obsessively invested in it. If that makes sense?

But the funny thing is, even with friends who do know my real name and I talk to about actual jobs I’ve had, like....half the time I can’t even tell them where to find me, because I genuinely don’t even remember a ton of the stuff I’ve actually been in. I could literally still recite my lines from a role, because that’s important info I needed to get paid for the job and thus I retain it....but in instances where it was just one or two fairly generic scenes without a context clue or me using names to signify who I might be talking to or what show or movie it might be from....I literally do not remember what the actual role itself was, lmao.

Like, I’m not even exaggerating for effect even slightly, this is how weird my brain is. I get residual checks for work I’ve done where I have to like....go hunt down my voucher or contract that matches the dates on the check to figure out what project it was from and try and remember it. Or go through my phone or facebook based off the dates to try and see if I talked to anyone about it that can jog my memory. Because what’s worse is a lot of stuff in Hollywood that isn’t like, a long running TV show, will use a pre-production name or even just go by ‘Untitled (Director’s Name) Project’, so I get a check with the official name of the project on it, and my dumb ass never paid attention to it after I was done working on it so never actually connected the dots.

LOL, I’ve had people I know come to me and be like, hey, were you on this episode of Criminal Minds in Season (I don’t even remember, I forgot AGAIN, jesus)....and I’m like....uh, I don’t think so? Because I hate Criminal Minds but I actually do watch it on Netflix, but in the background of stuff when I’m working on writing or graphic design stuff from home, and so I’m like, uh, I think I would remember if I’d ever worked on Criminal Minds or at least noticed....and then they’re all, no, I swear, that’s you, and they told me the episode number and I looked it up on Netflix and fast forwarded to the time stamp they gave me and I was like....ohhhhhhh, right, yeah that is me. Wait, I remember that shoot, that was Criminal Minds???? Huh. I had no idea.

I’m not even kidding. This is a real, actual conversation I’ve had with a college friend on facebook.

But yeah, it literally happens all the time to me. People will ask me “so what would I have seen you in” and half the time I legit have to tell them “apparently, the stuff you’re most likely to have seen me in, I completely have no idea where to find it.” Because most of the jobs I’ve had that I really enjoyed and remember fondly were for like, indie movies, or pilots that never got picked up, or this was this car commercial I did that only ever aired in European markets, and shit like that. And IMDB isn’t really much of a help because most actors kinda have to manage their own IMDB pages....to get officially credited via SAG, through IMDB Pro and stuff, either you or your agent or manager have to go through the production itself to get confirmation, and it’s a whole hassle and like.....you all know I’m notoriously ADHD right? LOL. 

And I’ve never really had a consistent agent or manager for longer than a couple months, because the level that I’m at career wise, I’ve honestly always done better getting my own work than getting it through agents sending me on auditions. I’ve done two big budget pilots for primetime networks and both of them I got cast because the casting director called me in directly because she remembered me from these three episodes I did on a soap opera eight years ago, random stuff like that and personal networking, that’s how I’ve landed most of my jobs. But that means I’m the only one responsible for maintaining my IMDB page, which given the hoops you have to jump through to get properly credited in a lot of cases, means mine is missing like...a lot. (Also I haaaaate watching myself act on camera, because I’m a perfectionist and super self-critical, so I never seek out my own stuff to watch anyway, I show up, I do the job, I’m done with it, on to the next).

But another example, there’s a pretty popular show that ran on ABC for multiple seasons and is one of the more prominent places where people have seen me and recognized me in something, because like, it’s a one scene role but it’s definitely and clearly me. And so I went to IMDB to check if I was credited for it, because sometimes production does it itself and I don’t always have to do it personally, only....the role is credited....but to some random guy who most definitely is not me. I have no idea who this guy is, I don’t even remember seeing him on that shoot and yes it’s one i actually remember well lol, but from his page it looks like he’s basically a career extra who gets production to credit him when he has significant face time or a nonverbal and nameless but still relevant role - they do that sometimes, so its worth a shot I guess - but anyway, he somehow managed to get credited with my role either by accident or design and I’ve literally been trying for years to get that changed, but since production wrapped years ago it’s a pain hunting the right people down and every time I try and go hey I should finally take care of this, I end up just getting annoyed and go fuck it and give up lmao.

So random funny story to wrap this up........like....six or seven years ago I went down to San Diego to visit my little sister, she’s four years younger than me and so had just graduated college I think. And so I was there for a few days and at one point she wanted to go see this new summer movie that had just come out with Hayden Panettiere in it, that girl from Heroes, though its some other show that my sister was a fan of hers from. I did some stunt work on Heroes once though so that’s what I tend to remember her from, even though I’ve actually worked on a few different things she’s been on.

So anyway, my sister and I are sitting in the middle of the theater watching this movie I’ve never heard of or seen any previews for.....it was one of those generic summer high school/college rom-coms that randomly get sprinkled in amidst summer blockbusters some years. And I’m bored and barely paying attention because I looked up the synopsis before we left and it didn’t grab me and I wasn’t big on any of the cast, so I’m mostly just there to humor my sister because she’s that sibling that every family has where all other siblings fear them. And I’m not like, snoozing or anything, but nothing about the movie is holding my interest so its one of those just kinda...glazed eyes, killing time kinda experiences, and also, parts of it feel very familiar and I’m like....have I seen this before or is it just really really formulaic?

And then my sister full on hits me in the shoulder and hisses “You didn’t tell me you were IN this!” And I’m like, okay first, OW, second....I’m not, I think I would know? And she’s looking at me like I’m the biggest idiot in the world and then gestures super obnoxiously and dramatically (it runs in the family) at the screen and people are starting to look at us, so I’m like I’m looking, jeez, chill....and then its like...huh. Cuz sure enough, there I am. Right in the middle of this big house party scene. That’s definitely me, and suddenly I’m like.....thaaaaaaaaaaaaaat’s why I feel like I’ve seen this movie before, I’m remembering the sceeeeeenes I was on set for. Ugh, no wonder I forgot about it, now I’m remembering we shot this one scene right here like 22 times, we spent three fucking days on it, it was annoying as hell.

And my sister’s still looking at me accusingly, like I’ve committed some mortal sin by not alerting her in advance to my presence, or more likely, not having called her to give her every single detail of my experience on a movie she was interested in, and I’m like....what do you want me to say? I didn’t know I was in this! 

How do you NOT know you’re in a movie, she wants to know, and we’re whisper fighting in the middle of the theater but luckily nobody seems too mad, the ppl around us look kinda amused actually because they’ve recognized the me next to them as the me on the screen and have overhead enough to get the gist (my sister is a very loud whisperer), and anyway I’m like, I knew I was in A movie, I just didn’t know it was THIS movie, it was one of those Untitled projects I’m pretty sure. I never knew what they ended up calling it!

And she’s like, and you never tried to find out what it was ultimately called or when it would come out at least? Which....no, why would I? It’s a terrible movie, I have zero interest in it.

Finally she’s like ugh, whatever, I still don’t get how you didn’t at least think ‘hey, I was in something with Hayden Panettiere recently, maybe its this’ when I was talking about her being in it. You had to at least know she was in it, you’re standing like....five feet away from her!

And I think I just shrugged at that point, because it was like, yeah, I knew it was her, but I’ve been that close to her a bunch of times, so what? She’s okay I guess but she’s not that great, I didn’t pay that much attention lol. Besides this was actually like a year ago I’m pretty sure, I’ve actually worked on the same set as her like twice since then I think, so.....idk. I probably just thought this was Heroes again? Whatever, it all blurs together and the director was super obnoxious, I remember now. I spent the whole shoot trying to astral project away from there.

I think that was the point where she just gave up on me and idk, knowing her she probably did a super dramatic hair toss and then tried to ignore me for the rest of the movie. Most likely while internally ranting about what a waste it is having an actor brother who doesn’t even care enough to let you know when he’s on set with her like....multiple times. To which I probably would’ve replied I can’t possibly be expected to keep up with her current faves, she changes celeb idols like, as often as she changes her hair color, which is a LOT. Ahem. Anyway. At one point my scene came on where I had actual lines, and I started mouthing them along with the me on screen, which I do admit in hindsight, was probably a Dick Older Brother move on my part, but whatever, she was being totally unreasonable about the whole thing, but then she gave me a Devil Glare and was like “I thought you didn’t remember being in this movie,” and I gave into the compulsion to just go full on Dick Older Brother and was like “I said I didn’t remember the MOVIE, of course I remember my LINES, I’m a professional, Ashley, god”.

Yeah. She was irritated about that for awhile. Oh well. Siblings. What can you do, y’know?

But moral of the story - you’d think, after all that, I’d at least always remember that movie after that happened.

I do not.

I think I’ve told this story to a bunch of people over the years, and every single time they ask me, so what was the movie, I wanna check it out. And to this day, I STILL can not for the life of me remember the fucking title of that movie or even like, what my character’s name was, and I just...never care enough to go try and hunt it down and figure it out.

What’s really bad, is I know for a FACT that multiple people I’ve told this story to have then gone on to hunt it down from Panettiere’s IMDB page on their own, and came back to me like ‘was it this one’ and I’m always like YES! THAT’S IT!

.....two minutes later, I have completely fucking forgotten the name of the movie again.

I SWEAR TO GOD I’M NOT EVEN JOKING. This is just....my brain.

[recentanimenews]

Attack on Titan – 69 – Love Is in the Air

Things in present-day Paradis are pretty grim, but leave it to Hange to liven things up a bit by getting all pedantic about an incarcerated Eren repeating “fight” into his mirror. Hange is there to talk, just like the first time they met, only this time she’d prefer if he did most of the talking. If nothing else, Hange believed Eren would never sacrifice Historia (which is necessary for the Rumbling). Yet here they are.

Flash back to two years ago, with the Scouts and Yelena’s Marleyans welcoming the first outside visitors to Paradis’ rebuilt port: Paradis’s sole friendly nation, Hizuru, and its special envoy, Azumabito Kiyomi. During initial pleasantries, Kiyomi presents the shogunate crest: three katanas forming a triangle. Eren urges Mikasa to reveal what she’s only ever shown to him: that very same crest on top of her right wrist.

That’s right: Mikasa is the long-lost descendant and rightful heir to Hizuru’s throne. Queen Historia immediately feels a deepened kinship with Mikasa, as both were born with a heavy burden to bear. It’s just that unlike ‘Tori, Mikasa likely has no intention of uprooting her life, so say nothing of leaving Eren’s side.

Kiyomi has come to Paradis on Zeke Yeager’s invitation, as he enticed them with the prospect of mining the unique resource known as “Iceburst Stone” which fuels Paradis’ ODM gear. They’re excited at the prospect of restoring their former glory by taking the lead in an innovative industry. It also becomes clear that the Azumabitos of Hizuru are particularly concerned with profit, however it can be acquired.

Zeke’s plan to use the Rumbling to protect Paradis consists of three stages, as presented to Historia and all the island’s higher-ups. First, there will be a “test run” of the Rumbling, then strengthening of the Paradis military. Finally, the Founding Titan and a Titan with royal blood will be passed down. Zeke will pass the Beast Titan to a royal, and for thirteen years that royal’s primary task will be to have as many children as possible.

This plan makes sense in the present, but it does nothing about the overarching problem of the power of the Titans bringing ruin upon Eldians. Basically, the cure (i.e. the successful defense of Paradis) is worse than the disease. Hange understands this, and doesn’t like the prospect of kicking the can down the road to future generations, as previous ones did to them.

Back in the present, Hange tells Eren she felt the same urgency to weigh the protection of their lands against the cost it would incur, but still wishes Eren hadn’t gone off on his own, which severely limited their remaining options. Eren’s only response is that no prison can hold him now that he has the Warhammer Titan, so if Hange has “anything up her sleeve”, now’s the time to come out with it.

As for Queen Historia, she became pregnant in the ensuing two years, as discussed by a good old boy’s club getting drunk and discussing future strategy. The father of the child she’s carrying once threw rocks at her on her farm and later volunteered at her orphanage as penance. It was Historia who initiated their eventual liason resulting in her pregnancy.

One old man, Roeg, drunk on wine, can’t believe the queen got herself knocked up, and suggests they make her a Titan despite her pregnancy; no one else thinks that’s right or wise. Roeg suspects it was Yelena who convinced Tori to get pregnant, but he really has no idea. These guys, by the way, are being attended to by Greiz and Niccolo, who serve under Yelena.

Looking back two years ago, Eren, Mikasa, Armin, Sasha, Connie, and Jean are all hard at work building a Paradis railroad, of all things, when Hange and Levi pay them a visit to report that Hizuru gave their reply: they won’t help Paradis open trade with other nations, as they’re committed to a monopoly on the island’s resources.

The rest of the world’s nations remaining united against Paradis, Root of All Evil, creates stability they’re unwilling to give up. That means they have little choice but to rely on the Rumbling for defense, which means sacrificing Historia. Armin wishes they’d reconsider a more peaceful path, but Mikasa tells him it’s no good; as long as those nations don’t know who and what they really are, they’ll always fear them.

An alternative plan, then, involves showing them who and what they are, by setting up a base in Marley. Eren worries time is running short; he only has five more years as a Titan. Then talk turns to who will inheret his Titan. Obviously, Mikasa volunteers first, but Jean vetoes, as there’s too much mystery surrounding the Ackermans.

Jean volunteers, but Connie believes he’s too valuable as a future regiment commander. Connie volunteers, but Sasha says they can’t leave such an important role to an idiot, so she volunteers. Connie says she’s more of an idiot than he is, so that wouldn’t work. Then Eren states that he doesn’t want any of them to have to inherit it; they’re all too important to him, causing both him and them to turn red (apropos for Valentines).

Back in the darker, bleaker, narrower present, Mikasa, Armin, Jean and Connie discuss what’s next now that Eren seems to be going all in on Zeke’s plan. If Eren is choosing Zeke over them, they may need to cut him down, but of course Mikasa would never allow that. She assures them it won’t come to that, that he still cares about them.

But Jean mentions how the old Eren would try to keep Mikasa off the front lines. The new one pulled them into an unnecessary battle that got Sasha killed. And worse, Connie mentions how Eren laughed when he heard Sasha had died. Armin decides that he and Mikasa will talk to Eren alone and try to see how he sees things. Because he may not be Eren anymore, and thus may not consider them as important as exacting final revenge upon Marley and the world.

By: braverade

[msbigredmachine]

The Mechanic - A Roman Reigns One-Shot

An impromptu trip to a service station leads to an encounter with a sexy mechanic. Her car isn’t the only thing he works on. Roman Reigns/OC.

Comments will be greatly appreciated!

"No, no! Not now, goddamn it!" Anya smacked her hand on the dashboard, which was showing her bad news. The check engine light had come on out of nowhere, and before she knew it her car had stuttered into a complete standstill on the side of the road. "Great, just great," she griped. 

Her 2005 Chevy Impala always seemed to have one issue or the other. In the past year, the alternator had given up, then the air-conditioning had died on her, and now it was obviously the engine’s turn. The car was just a goddamn mess, and her former quack of a mechanic hadn’t helped matters either. But berating him was not going to solve her current dilemma. She still had a couple more errands to run, and she was yet to get her grocery shopping done. But now, the car wouldn't crank anymore, and worse, it was a Sunday. She didn’t know many service stations that were open on Sundays.

Anya’s only saving grace this late morning was that the car had died about four blocks away from a service station. Remembering that, she made a decision then and there, and she grabbed her purse, climbed out of the car and headed down the other direction towards the shop. She was so glad she started going to church again. The good Lord had obviously answered her prayers to get her out of this mess.

The service station looked deserted, with the small customer service desk and waiting room both empty. No customers were waiting around, and there didn't appear to be anyone working there. The garage bays were all open, but the sign on the front door read ‘Closed’. Anya sighed tiredly. She was so screwed. She’d walked all this way down, in her heels and her sundress, for nothing. How the heck was she getting home today? And what was she going to do with her car? 

 A deep voice sounded seemingly out of nowhere, interrupting her gloomy thoughts. "Can I help you, Miss?"

Startled, Anya spun towards the service bay, and on seeing the owner of the voice, her jaw slackened. For a moment, she thought she was dreaming. The man standing in front of Anya looked like a GQ model. Tall as hell, light-skinned with long dark hair, large, muscular arms, and the most beautiful face she had ever seen. His white t-shirt was thin and smeared with grease along with his arms and one side of his face, and his jeans were worn and streaked as well, but the only served to make him look sexier than he already clearly was.

Holy shit.  

"Miss?" he said, startling Anya from her trance. His eyes bored through hers, and a knowing smile had formed on his face. She could tell right away that he was used to women staring at him, and he was clearly enjoying the attention. Anya wanted to smack herself for being so obvious. She didn’t mean to stare, but man… "Oh, I'm sorry," she tried to recover, focusing on his eyes so her own wouldn’t wander down his body again. "My car’s engine just died a couple of blocks from here. You work here, right? Please tell me you’re open today."  

The tall glass of water nodded with a smile. "You’re in luck, Miss. We’re open for the next three hours or so. I can go get the wrecker around back so we can pick up your car. Wanna come along for the ride?"  

“Sure!” Anya blurted out, and then cringed inwardly for sounding so eager. If he noticed, he ignored it, merely laughing and leading her around to the back of the station to the tow truck. As he helped her climb in, she said, “You’re a life saver. I had no idea how I was gonna get my car home.”  

“Like I said, you’re in luck,” the hottie said, “We actually don’t open on Sundays. I was just there to catch up on some work.” He glanced over in her direction for a brief moment. “I’m Roman, by the way.”

Roman. Quite apropos, as he looked a hella lot like the Roman gods of that era. “Anya. Nice to meet you,” she replied.

“Anya. That’s a beautiful name,” he complimented her with a dazzling smile, and Anya felt herself get warm all over. They got to her car, and she watched him load it onto the wrecker, observing how his muscles rippled the whole time as he worked. Once they got back to the station, he off-loaded the car into the nearest service bay. He opened the front door, popped the hood, and then went to the front of the car, looking under the hood to evaluate the problem. Anya stood by, staring at his fine, firm-looking ass as he bent over the front of the car.  

"Well, it looks like the car got a little overheated,” Roman assessed, his eyes still on the engine. “But it don’t look too badly damaged. I can get the car fixed in about an hour, two tops," he added, lifting his head to look at her. “Is that alright?”

Anya sighed with relief. “Of course. Oh thank God. That’s good news for sure.”

"Glad to hear,” said Roman. “Would you like a drink while you wait? Juice? Soda? Water? It’ll be on the house," he offered.

“Thanks, but I’m good. I just really wanna get this car issue sorted out as quick as possible.”

Roman smiled. “I understand. You probably got somewhere to be, maybe a date or something.”

Anya shook her head. “No, no date,” she clarified, feeling her face warm slightly. “Haven’t had one of those in a while.”

“Wow, that’s a surprise. I expected a beautiful woman like yourself would have guys tripping over themselves to get to know you.” His comment caught her completely off guard, and the look he gave her as he eyed her from head to toe sent a tingle down her spine, all the way down to the spot between her legs that had been smoldering ever since she first laid eyes on him. Would it be so forward if she told him she wanted to get to know him, in a far less appropriate, far more intimate way than he suggested? She chose to keep her mouth shut, only offering him a sweet smile in response.

The silence began to grow awkward, and Roman cleared his throat. “So, uh, how about you take a seat in our waiting room while I get started?” 

“Sounds good.”

Neither moved. The two continued to gaze at each other, and Anya felt a warm sensation in the pit of her stomach as she sensed the tension building between them. He would be doing much more than fixing her car if she didn't get out of here and let him do his job. She made her way to the waiting room and sat down, playing with her phone while her car was being repaired. From her vantage point, she could see Roman working. He seemed like he knew what he was doing, so she didn’t worry too much about her car. She would also occasionally look over at the man himself. She wasn’t in a relationship, so she had free reign to stare all she wanted. She didn’t think he was taken either, at least he didn’t give off that kind of vibe. He was so damn gorgeous though. His muscles, his hair, the big hands…she liked big hands. A lot. She guessed he was Polynesian, judging from his exotic features and the style of the tattoo that adorned his right arm. His t-shirt rode up a little, giving her a glimpse of the black briefs covering up that ass, and she imagined how firm they would feel in her hands. Feeling flushed, she shook away the naughty thoughts and concentrated on her phone.

After an hour had passed with no update on the progress of her car, she decided to go and check in on the mechanic. “Hey, how’s it going?”

Roman turned around, his eyes briefly flickering down to her legs as she approached him. “I think I’m done, actually,” he stated, ducking from under the hood and grabbing a clean napkin on the worktable next to him. “Wanna take a look?”

He watched Anya step forward to take a look inside the hood, placing herself at the center of the engine, and he felt himself get hard as he admired the view. The position left her bent at the waist, causing the hem of her short sundress to inch higher and further expose off her bare legs, which looked fantastic in those heels. He’d only met her a couple of hours earlier, but he’d felt the electricity crackle between them from the jump and it still simmered now. Anya was gorgeous, sexy, with a delectable body that made him want to unleash his inner beast and do unspeakable things to her. He couldn’t deny that he wanted her, and he sensed from their interaction that the feeling was mutual. 

"I’m not sure what I’m looking at, to be honest. I’m terrible with cars," Anya was saying, still looking inside the hood. She had deliberately positioned herself this way, with her back to him and bent over, for Roman’s benefit. She could feel the warm morning breeze against the backs of her legs, and she could feel his eyes locked on her. Her ass was pretty much in his face, basically giving him an all access pass to her goodies. She secretly hoped that he would take the hint and take advantage.  

Then she felt it. His large, warm hand curling over her hip. Anya closed her eyes, drinking in the feeling of the stranger's touch. It lingered in the silence of the moment, as if asking for permission to go further. When she gave no objection, his hand gently slid over her belly, while his other hand made its way up her dress simultaneously. She gasped as his body pressed against hers from behind, and the first thing she felt was his erection, alert and pressing persistently against her backside. The hand in her dress made slow, deliberate circles over her thigh, and she found herself silently begging for his hands to be more daring, to touch her more intimately than he was allowing himself to. She grabbed the top of the hood with one hand as he wedged his thigh between her legs and pressed himself more earnestly against her. His breath was warm on her neck, and Anya gasped again as his mouth met the base of her throat, his tongue darting out to lick the patch of skin there. 

“Tell me to stop, Anya,” Roman growled low, lips dangerously close to hers, and she shivered in his arms. His mouth then shifted to her ear as his hand continued its voyage of her inner thigh. "Tell me to stop, and I'll back off, let you pay for the repairs and leave my shop. But if you don't, I'm gonna fuck you right here on your car, and I won’t stop until you’re coming so hard you’ll be seeing stars."

Anya gave a breathy moan as she rolled her ass into his crotch, craving every inch of what she felt there. "Oh, Roman…Don't you dare stop."

She heard his low moan, felt his lips brush over her neck one more time. Placing his fingers underneath her chin, he guided her face up to his, scooping her lips in a carnal, searing kiss that almost brought her to her knees. Fuck, he tasted so good, a delicious mix of mint and man that she would never forget. She wasn’t sure how long their passionate kissing went on for, but it wasn’t long enough.  Then, without warning, he dropped to his knees behind her. Both his hands were up her dress now, sliding along her upper thighs and over her hips. Anya tried to remain silent, her eyes squeezing shut as he continued to caress her, but when his large palms swept over the curve of her ass and brushed over her heated core, she let out a whimper of pleasure. 

“Shut the hood and lean forwards,” Roman ordered, waiting for Anya to comply. Satisfied that he had her under his complete control, he began kneading the rounded globes of her ass, exploring the softness of her flesh, which was a rather sensual contrast to his workman hands. She shifted her weight back enough to spread her legs slightly, giving more access for his assault on her body. She felt him push her dress up to her back, felt his hot breath on her skin, his lips pressed briefly on her ass as his fingers crept even closer to her most intimate spot. Roman then hooked his index finger around the tiny fabric of her lace panties, pulling it aside, and without warning, he shoved a finger into her wetness, sending shockwaves through her.

"Ahhhh," was all that came out of Anya’s mouth. She pushed her hips back against his hand, helping him guide his fingers inside her . Still on his knees, Roman used his fingers to rub up and down the length of her slit, coating the digits with her wetness. Anya cried out as he then plunged deeper into her depths. She braced her hands on the hood of her car as she rolled her hips over and over, riding his fingers. Just as she was approaching ecstasy, nearing the edge of complete euphoria, Roman pulled his fingers out of her, leaving her hollow and empty.

“What the fuck,” she panted, glaring with frustration at him over her shoulder as he stood up, a smirk on his face that Anya would have considered obnoxious if she didn’t find him so fucking sexy.

Roman locked eyes with her as he licked each of his fingers. “Don’t worry baby, we ain’t done.” He pulled off his shirt and flung it aside, and Anya’s mouth watered at the sight of him. His tattoo climbed up his arm all the way past his shoulders and over his pectoral muscle. She helped him get rid of her dress, and she blushed at the look in his eyes as they raked over her body. He moved forwards until she was sat on the hood, and he reached up to caress her breasts through her bra. He dipped his head to kiss her again, teasing her with his tongue as he explored her taste. Anya groaned as he molded and kneaded her breasts, and she returned the favor by unbuttoning his jeans and promptly sliding her hand inside. She stroked his dick through the briefs, giving him a firm squeeze and pumping him. Roman groaned at her touch, and he pushed her hands away and scooped her up, setting her on the hood of her car.

Anya leaned back on her elbows as she watched him yank down his jeans and boxers at the same time, standing before her in all his naked glory. He had a body she'd only fantasized about, including the thick shaft that stood erect and ready for her. She wanted to touch him so bad, taste him, to slide her tongue over that big dick, to push that throbbing erection into her mouth and down her throat. Her eyes lifted to his, seeing in his brown irises every bit of the desire and hunger that she was feeling.

Roman let his fingers curl through the lace panties she was wearing, and she happily tilted her hips for him to pull them off her. He blindly tossed the underwear over his shoulder as she spread her legs wider, exposing her glistening, swollen flesh to his hungry eyes. Shit. She was so wet, so appetizing. All he wanted to do was lower his mouth onto those swollen pussy lips, to lick and eat her until her eyes rolled back, but right now, it was more important to be inside her than anything else.

Her dark, dazed eyes met his as he leaned over her, one hand on either side of her, flat on the hood. She reached out and pressed her hands to his chest and abs, licking her lips hungrily as she caressed him. She groaned as he dipped his head to kiss her shoulder, feeling his hand wind behind her back to unclip her bra. Throwing it aside, he cupped both her breasts in his hands, ducking down to suckle on one nipple, then the other. Anya's hands slid into his long, silky hair as he feasted on her breasts. His dick brushed her thigh as he leaned over her and she felt a shudder in her loins. She needed him inside her so badly. Her head falling back, she moaned and squirmed under him, making his erection slide up and down the inside of her thigh, pleasuring her just as much as his mouth on her breasts. 

Roman finally lifted his head, loving the way her nipples puckered from his sucking. His dick ached for her and he was finding it more difficult to hold himself. He gave her left nipple a quick bite that had her gasping. "Spread your legs a little wider," he told her, his tone matching the way his body pulsed with need. He stepped up between her legs, a big hand already on his cock, stroking himself as he aimed for her swollen slit. “You ready for me, baby?”

"Yes..." she answered, watching intently as his head pressed into her pussy, and she threw her head back as she felt the first stretch of her muscles around his thickness. "Oh fuck, Roman..." Her moan trailed off as he slowly pushed himself into her, stretching, filling, overwhelming her. She wrapped her arms around his neck. “Fuck, you feel so good.” Her legs curled around his waist, and his calloused palms were on her ass, lifting her against him so he could push deeper, penetrate her to the hilt. It was like she was made just for him, the way she accommodated every inch of his length, the way she throbbed around him, the heat and pleasure that submerged him and made him quiver for more. Her pussy wrapped so tightly around him he wasn't sure he could breathe. The sensation of her inner muscles rippling against his thickness was incredible, and he hadn’t even started fucking her yet. Growling under his breath, he drew his cock back and thrust into her. Hard. Noting the way the pleasure flooded her features, he did it again, and again, until he’d established a sweet, sensual rhythm. Each stroke had her gasping for breath, her full lips parted open and causing pleasure to flood through him. It wasn’t long before he picked up the pace. “Damn, your pussy’s fuckin’ drippin’, baby,” Roman commented, pushing up on her as he thrust harder into her. “So fuckin’ tight too. Fuck.” 

A gasping Anya wrapped her hands around his biceps and tried to keep her eyes on him, but she couldn’t, not with the delicious precision with which he hit her sweet spot. Even as she moaned, he leaned forwards and bore down on her, his hands locked over her shoulders, holding her still while he hammered white-hot pleasure into her body. He would pause to roll his hips, burying his dick inside her, then he would accelerate again, battering her pussy with the force of his thrusts, and she cried out again and again. “Yes, yes Roman, fuck me,” she moaned, her hands dragging down his back to clutch his ass. It felt as firm as she imagined it to be, and she scraped her fingernails over the taut skin, enjoying the way the muscles clenched and unclenched beneath her palms with every thrust of his hips.

Grunting, Roman shifted her legs up to his shoulders. Sharp breaths escaped them both as he fucked her with reckless abandon on the hood of her car. All he wanted was more, more of her body, more of her warm, soaked pussy, and he was determined to get it all.

“Fuck, I’m comin’ baby,” Anya whined, her legs starting to tremble as her pussy clamped around his dick. “Fuck, I’ma come all over this dick.”

“Yes, baby girl. Come on my dick,” Roman rasped, grabbing her legs from his shoulders and spreading them far apart as he kept up his relentless tempo. He groaned as the blood surged to his groin and he swelled inside her. He looked on with triumph as Anya’s eyes widened, and suddenly she screamed, her body arching, her legs shaking as she came apart around him. He sensed his own orgasm impending even when her inner muscles started to relax, and he couldn’t control himself when it did. He moaned loudly as his balls clenched and his dick throbbed and pulsed inside her. He fell on top of her, pinning her to her car as he emptied into her. Anya shuddered when he went limp on top of her, her hands stroking his back, her other fingers curling in his hair. When he was finally able to catch his breath, Roman shifted back, both of them moaning as his drained dick slid out of her. He held himself up on his arms as he observed her, taking in her flushed, satisfied face, her kiss-swollen lips and disheveled hair. She looked damn beautiful, and it was a sight he didn’t mind seeing every day. "You alright, darlin?" he drawled. 

Anya returned the smile, licking her lips as her pussy still pulsed from the incredible pleasure. "I’m good. Very good," she murmured, "Hell of a service you just rendered. Does it come with the repairs?" she asked with a wink.  

Chuckling, Roman picked his briefs and his jeans off the floor and put them back on. "Nope, it’s part of a very exclusive package. One that you, baby girl, are free to enjoy whenever you want." It was his turn to wink.

Anya giggled at his reply. “I’m gonna hold you to that,” she said, sitting up as Roman handed her dress to her. She reached for her discarded underwear but he grabbed them before she did and held them up in the air. “Um, those are mine,” she told him, her eyebrow raised.

To her surprise, Roman shook his head and tucked the tiny scrap of lingerie into his back pocket. “Not anymore, baby,” he growled, “You want ‘em back, you know where to find ‘em.”

“Hmm. Sounds like a future invite, handsome.” She hoped this was the case.

“I guess it is.” He shrugged, and his deep voice sounded casual, but his smoldering gaze held more intent than his words did.

Anya couldn’t stop the smile that spread across her face. Luckily, she didn’t live too far away from the service station, so she would have no problem finding him again. “We’ll see.” She pressed a kiss to his mouth, running her tongue beneath his top lip. Then, she slid off the car and sank to her knees, her gaze filled with mischief as she pulled his jeans back down. "Now, let’s see about paying for my car, shall we?"

THE END.

TAGGING:

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[brawltogethernow]

Neutral Element - Outside the Castle

Installment Masterlist

Characters: Rescue Party, Gil, Klaus, Lucrezia, Agatha; Relationships: Wulfenbachs, Agatha/Lars and Agatha/Gil; Length: 2k. Immediately after no bless obli cheese.

The Jägers are definitely going to go after Agatha, so Zag jumps them before they’ve even started conferring. Because he knows Jägers well from working with the ones crashing with the Empire, and once they decide to plot the turnover rate from plan to action is functionally nonexistent. He sneaks up where they’re listening in from a wagon roof like creepy gargoyles and leans over the silent trio. “You’re going to get her, yeah?” he says. “Take me with you.”

They exchange looks. “He iz hendy,” says Oggie.

“He iz Miz Agatha’s friend,” says Maxim.”

“Yah, you iz coming, keedo,” says Dimo.

“Ve couldn’t schtopp you enny vay, yah?” says Maxim, grin fierce.

“Come on den,” says Oggie cheerfully. “Toot-sveetie!”

“Nobbles and wobbly cheese, honestly,” Dimo mutters to himself for some reason.

 *

Circling the castle doesn’t tell them anything good. Zag scouts around and then shares the rundown of what people are saying, and what they aren’t, and how no news is bad news.

“And I’ve heard things around,” he adds, nodding up at the Keep of Storms. “About that place. Things I do not like.”

“Hyu mean like, in repports from somevere, mebbe?” says Ognian, trying for sly.

“Yes, alright, I get news from damn reports to my father,” says Zag. If they’re asking leading questions, they already know. They smirk at him sharply, but it seems approving. “That doesn’t matter right now. Right now we have to get her out of there. And that means we have to get in there.”

“Hm,” hums Dimo, looking through the arcs of lightning barring the way to the keep. “Hyu know, ven she was out-like, the other day, Miz Agatha met op with a pretty gorl — hoo, she looked like she could rilleh fight! — mit a verreh pretty little airship.”

“No, Hy dun tink dat vould be enny good,” says Oggie.

“Dot ting, hit looked pretty small, yah?” adds Maxim. “How many pipple you figure it fit?”

“Hy dunno, brodder,” adds Oggie, doing a show of looking Maxim up and down speculatively, “mebbe if ve start cotting bits off uf hyu —”

“Hoy dere!”

“She could get in, though,” Dimo reasons, demonstrating seasoned experience ignoring tomfoolery. “Hy think ve should be tellink her habout dis, before ve go in. Hyu know, in case she vants to help Miz Agatha, like.”

Zag stares up at the sky above the castle. “Hm. I think they would still notice a dirigible, even a small one. It’s dark out, and the lightning moat is going to kill visibility a bit, but this is a town square. It’s not that dark.”

“Iz not a dir-rigy-bill, zo much,” says Oggie.

“Hyu’s be growink op in de sky, yah?” says Maxim. “Mebbe hyu will like it.”

 *

“They have Agatha?!” says Gil, looking overwrought, and Zag thinks, Hmm, to himself, quietly. His friend should have options, is all. Lots of options. Lars is a real sweetheart, and the wild woman Agatha apparently found in the Wastelands does not look like a sweetheart, but she’s a spark, and Agatha is giong to need someone who can keep up with her….

Zag regards Agatha’s friend (hee) as she waves her hands and explains that her flying machine definitely would not get off the ground carrying five people and a lobster. “But I could make modifications,” she says, staring at it speculatively like she’s considering ripping it apart then and there. She was patting it earlier, so it’s kind of unsettlingly like watching someone turn that look on a baby. Sparks, amirite. Sparks in ~love~, possibly. Zag is assessing.

“See, the vertical blades spin to get it off the ground straight up, and then I basically drop it and then it stays airborne.”

“Iz dot…safe?” Oggie asks, goggling.

“So!” Zag cuts in before Gil can find some acceptable-to-her way to say, Well, no. “I’m glad you’re going to help us help Agatha! Apropos of nothing, how do they feel where you’re from about having three or more people in a relationship? Good? I’m asking for a friend.”

Gil drops the wrench she was gesturing with on her foot.

“You don’t have to answer!” Zag calls back to her when they finally take their leave. “Just think about it!”

 *

“Huh,” Gil says to Zoing after the odd party of Agatha’s friends starts  back the way they came, getting into some sort of scuffle that involves a lot of gentle elbow-checking, as she starts to prep her ship. “I didn’t think you got that hair color around here.” She looks at the Jägers. “Uh, in humans.”

 *

The way back is a trudge, but Dimo seems pleased with the results of their detour. “She iz definitely good beckup for Miz Agatha to keep hendy,” he says. “En mebbe also odder things.”

Oggie leans over into the green Jäger’s personal space. “Hyu tink she can help her vit dot vagon she kept svearing at de odder day?”

“Dot vos some spicy language, dot vas,” muses Maxim. “Vere hyu tink she learn dot?”

Dimo shoves at them both. “Hy am sayink —” He breaks off into a gusty sigh. “Zott, hyu are so dense.”

“Hy am not dense!” says Oggie, dramatically offended. “Hy am very schooled in matterz of luff! See? Hy even knew vat hyu vas tokking about. Hend you thot hyu vas beink schneaky. Heh.”

Dimo rolls his eyes. “Yez, yez, hyu heff shown me op. Woe, woe.”

“Not that I don’t appreciate the free entertainment,” says Zag (the Jägers shrug, sheepish at being caught at it), “but when did you three see that ship, anyway? She was explaining it to you like she’d never met you before.”

Dimo rubs the back of his neck. “Oh, hyu know.”

“Ve vas in de neighborhood,” says Maxim, eyes on the sky.

“Hy vas not op to ennything!” Oggie insists, distressed. “Honest!”

“…So you were following Agatha,” says Zag.

Maxim shifts, uncomfortable. “Vell…mebbe.”

Zag meditates on this, then reasons that the wild Jägers are pretty good guys and are also turning out to be surprisingly adorable about their real master. They were spying on Agatha on her dates. “Take me next time,” he settles on.

“Ey, vusn’t very interestink,” says Oggie, trace readings of shame gone. “Dey mostly tokked science schtuff.”

“Dot type, dey tink de interestink part iz de science schtuff.”

Everyone present groans.

 *

When the assembling rescue party gets back to the middle of Sturmhalten, again, they practically miss Lars. Also again, apparently.

“Been following you,” he says, breathing hard. “You keep moving around.”

Yeah, Zag can’t imagine an actor, capable point man or no, moving as quickly as three Jägermonsters and him, especially since he seems to have acquired a furry legwarmer, hooked into his leg for dear life. “You brought Krosp.”

Lars shrugs, a stage gesture. “He wanted to come!” Then he grimaces with his whole body when Krosp responds by flexing his claws. Also a stage gesture. Zag loves the Circus people, he honestly does. He thinks he could be at home in their “the world is a stage, so why not mug for the audience” mindset.

“So if you grabbed the Jägers because you knew they would come after Agatha,” says Lars, shaking out his cat-burdened leg (no joy) “— Uh, how did you know that?”

They’re Jägers, and she’s the Heterodyne. “They seemed to like her!” Zag says. He grins (leers, he leers) and nudges Lars with a playful elbow. “You like ‘er too, don’tcha?”

“I — !”

Tormenting Lars is a delight. Zag hasn’t known him very long, but he’s certain the guy isn’t normally this easy to fluster. Except about matters of life and death, which, whatever Agatha obviously privately thinks, is perfectly reasonable.

Krosp groans. (Krosp trying to make traditionally low human noises always sounds adorable, and this is no exception.) “I thought catching up with all of you might be better than being stuck with this genius, but I was wrong.”

Zag looks down at him. “…You’re gonna have to tell me what happened on your way here sometime, buddy.”

Lars and Krosp exchange a look of mutual, recent horror. Which is just the look of a half-decent story, so no regrets.

“Sewers,” Krosp whispers to himself quietly, his expression haunted.

 *

The Baron is framed by a brightly colored circus wagon, and it only makes him look more menacingly enormous. His swathe of silver hair is a chin-length version of Zag’s fluff without the two strands that frame his son’s face like thick ribbons. His gaze is riveted on Agatha and Zag, cutting out the rest of their crowd of allies. The Jägers finger their weapons; Lars looks like he’s on the edge of panic; Gil landed on the field nearby earlier but hasn’t approached. Krosp’s flicking tail detracts from the severity of his expression, and the Sturmhalten Sewermen look like they’re only still on the scene because bolting just then would make them the only moving things around, and if they were that dumb they wouldn’t have lived to be Sturmhalten Sewermen. To a one, they all stand around awkwardly. Gil hovers awkwardly to the side, and everyone else hovers awkwardly in the center. It’s not a brave day for rescue parties. The Baron’s speech to Agatha swallows up impetus for action.

“My son trusts you,” the Baron says meaningfully. His eyes cut back and forth between the swordsman and Agatha at this point, but Zag has always responded to Klaus’ allusions toward his romantic prospects by upping the ante and making the conversation as awkward and graphic as possible, so by this point Klaus is too subtly well-trained to ask about his motivations in running off with Lucrezia’s daughter. “If you both come back —”

Zag shakes out his shoulders, tense. “…You talk like it’s a given that I’m coming back with you, father.”

“Oh, no,” says Klaus. “The Lady Heterodyne, should she agree to talk terms, has her own responsibilities, but you will return. It’s time we had a long talk, young man.” The Baron looms forward, expression forbidding, and wraps his massive hand around Zag’s wrist.

And then chokes on something.

Agatha springs into action before anyone can blink. “Why are you all standing around?!” she shouts. “He’s choking! Let me through, I can help him!” The footsoldiers confer frantically and okay her, and she darts in.

“I’ll help, I’ve got medical experience!” says Gil, leaping forward.

“Oh, great!” chirps Agatha. Turning, she elbows Gil in the nose. “Oh, sorry! Here, I’ll just deal with it,” she says as the princess reels away, clutching her face.

She kneels to the ground, pressing a hand to Klaus’ chest.

“Stay back!” shouts Agatha. “He’s, uh, fructivorous!”

“Wot’s dot mean?” Oggie asks Gil, leaning over to consult her.

“Fzzrk,” says Gil, possibly trying to set her own nose. Her inarticulate response has a whistle in it.

Then the tide of the entire negotiation flips over in a breath, and everyone is moving.

 *

There’s a storm of motion. Lars and Agatha form its eye. The Jägers have leapt into the fight. The Sewermen  have vanished. Gil, her nose purpling, is bent over her ship ranting, and appears to be trying to refit it to use as an impromptu crowd disperser.

Klaus has given up on subtlety and negotiation, grabbing for his son. “You cannot stay with her!” he shouts at Zag, who grimaces and barely dodges. “You do not understand how dangerous — !”

“Hey!” says Gil, abandoning her ship and lunging forward with something she grabs from its backseat gripped in her right hand — it looks like a big fork with electricity dancing on the end — and one of her swords fisted in her left. “Get away from him!”

“Do NOT interrupt — !” starts the Baron, only half-turning from Zag. Gil darts into the space Zag has put between the two Wulfenbachs, fork thing aimed at the Baron’s torso, sword up to defend. Klaus raises his sword arm, his greatsword dripping crimson, then hesitates, eyes snagging on Gil’s snarling brass circlet, then darting to the bifurcated blade of her katar. His complexion turns from a red fury to an only arguably better putty color. “You — Djorok’ku Skifandias von?!”

Gil looks like she’s been smacked. “What — S’vek? Zur bakken Skiff?!”

“Kar!” The Baron presses a hand to his chest, greatsword mostly forgotten. “Mor bakken Skiff!”

“Morbukinskif vok!” says the blue coat by the Baron’s leg, which really puts a cap on Klaus’ day.

“What —” he says, and then is interrupted when the entire battlefield is overtaken by an upset like someone has picked it up and shaken it. The Baron and the Skifandrian dodge debris in opposite directions.

 *

The debacle with the chicken house and assorted other circus wagons ends with the Baron’s son, the Heterodyne Girl, and the mysterious foreign spark all unaccounted for.

Gil: What — What? You speak Skiff?! Klaus: Yes, I speak Skiff! Zoing: I speak Skiff too! Klaus: Augh what the shit

I do not feel bad about adding more pointless doubling back to the Rescue AT ALL, because the Rescue Party mostly runs in ineffective circles and facilitates a lot of really great comedy.

Lars’ arc is not significantly impacted by this AU. Unfortunately? I tried to scootch events surrounding “Showtime!” around to save him, but it didn’t work out.

Why did I structure this so I have to make up Skiff and then render it in Zoingspeak. @ me: What is this. Oh, right, Zoing is present and color-inverted, I’ll get into it later/earlier. Learlier.

When asked in an AMA whether all Skifandrians had green hair, both Foglios answered differently. For the purposes of this AU, the answer pretty much has to be no.

[ductapefatwa]

Artichoke Circus

(and unresolved dilemmas) Before Ductape died (for my part I think he is dead and I miss him greatly) he and I were writing something together. For this last year, I’ve been unsure what to do with it. On the one hand, it was part of a correspondence which is clearly private. On the other, it was also a collaboration within that correspondence which both of us had intended to be read by others when it was eventually completed. It wasn’t complete last September. But nor did it break off abruptly: we had got stuck a while before that. We had encountered changes that needed making and some basic questions that needed answering before we could keep on writing. And events intervened. The Lebanon was being bombed. In retrospect, I think Ductape's health was failing. Also I was not writing much: La belle dame had dropped by and words had become dangerous creatures. But I think that perhaps had circumstances been otherwise, we might eventually have found a way out of our narrative difficulties. Counterfactuals. As it was, they weren't, we didn’t and I don’t want to change what was written now, since I think some parts of it may be among the last things he wrote. Though not the last. It’s hard (at least I've found it hard) to know what to do with words that have, if only by default, been entrusted to your keeping, but which – at least at some point – were intended to be read by more than one pair of eyes. I thought about what to do about this over the last year, but have reached no conclusion: I still don’t know whether this is a betrayal of trust or not. We didn’t -- and in particular Ductape didn’t – think that it was finished. But I cannot fix or finish it by myself and some of you were his friends, the people for whom he wrote. So. If parts seem clumsy or inept, they are almost certainly mine since Ductape didn't do clumsy or inept. Artichoke Circus. Where did I find this place? In a memory. Look see? Over here. A dubious pause and a raised eyebrow. "Well it's a good enough place to meet isn't it? A place that is no place at all. One can come and go, traceless. Singularly apropos." You follow the voice over to a rather distressed looking picnic table, there in what passes for a park for the kids to run around during the day, letting off steam. It's darker here, away from the floodlit carpark, from the loglo of McDs and Burger King. The air smells of oil and fumes. Beneath that, the smell of stale cooking fat and old fries. Yet catch that midsummer breeze in just the right way and there's a hint of something not yet vanquished, not yet destroyed utterly. "Like Ithilien" she mutters beneath her breath, "Yes. This is my memory of it." Her companion does not hear. He is preoccupied with the discovery of a fire fly, and its periodic hopefully-green glowing. "What's it's name?" he says, looking up. "It doesn't have one. But we called it the United States of Generica. " Out on the highway a military convoy trundles through the night. "So." she says, "What shall we discuss on this shortest night? Manifest Destiny? The End of Empire? "Is there a difference?" the old man asks, smiling down at the firefly, with whom he has made friends. It perches comfortably on his finger, blinking companionably in the gathering dusk. "In their ends, I mean," he eyes his DoodleBurger skeptically. "They have always been symbiotic, like conjoined twins that cannot be separated, that live only a short time, though to their parents, it seems an eternity. The fact is, we are all just people. There is no Master Race, no Manifest Destiny, no Empire. These are more truly fairy tales than fairies and goblins and enchanted forests. Although unlike the fairies and the enchanted forests, they call forth the worst that is in us, worse even than the mischievous goblins." He nods farewell to the firefly, who makes its blinking way off into the sky, and takes a hesitantbite of the DoodleBurger, nods approvingly. "Good. They remembered the extra pickles." "I suspect I'd need more pickles still," she replies grinning, picking lazily at a strawberry parfait. Lifting her spoon, She raises an eyebrow towards her companion. “We are all just people?There is no Master Race, no Manifest Destiny, no Empire?” These things, then, are mere chimeras. Figments of a feverish brain, of paranoid imagining? Will-o-wisps we have been chasing through a forest to our boggy doom.” She smiles. “Windmills. Not giants after all.” She pushes the half-finished parfait aside, not before having extracted, with care, one last strawberry, though not the last. And looks at her companion seriously. “In that case, all of our rejections and denials (flawed though they doubtless have been), all our disruptions, disputations and dissolutions (morally compromised to their core though they may be) – all have been truly full of sound and fury, signifying nothing. Harsh words hurled at an imagined foe.” “I wish that were so. I would like to die happy. But it is not. We are not just people.“ She pauses for a moment as a security guard makes her round of the car park. “We are people, yes,” she continues quietly, once the guard is out of earshot, “but we are also the things that people make. And to our great misfortune, Master Races, Manifest Destinies and Empires have been among these made things.” “And are we not so neatly caught between truth and falsehood? For if these things are to be unmade again, we must deny them existence, we must reject them utterly and steadily. Yet if we simply deny their existence – if we say all innocent and unawares, “Oh but there is no such thing as Empire! The Master Race? Who are they? I never heard of them before!” then whether our innocence is sincere or feigned, we cannot help but make invisible its consequences, its damage done.” She looks around the carpark again. The security guard has resumed her post outside Burger King, on the other side of the lot. A worn, sharp vegetable knife has materialised on the table between them. She shakes her head. “Another memory.” She picks it up and rests it carefully in her left hand flat across her palm, fingers folding up and closely over the blade. “It is tempting to imagine that they do not exist, that these things that people make are in some sense not real because they are made and can therefore be unmade. The knife is relatively simple to regard as real, it is material. We can see it, touch it, guess what its effects might be. From here in Generica? Though no less material, perhaps it is true that Empire is not so visible here as elsewhere. But that – as you observed to Alex – is only because in the eye of the hurricane, there is no wind. Slowly, almost reluctantly, she puts the knife down between them. “So. What is to be done?” she asks. "How may we escape this snare?" "Well, yes, they exist in the same way that fat exists on the butt of an insecure and slender young girl, gazing into her mirror." The old man decides not to tell his companion that those are not strawberries, but chunked and formed vegetable protein, not unlike the DoodleBurger itself, only the extrusion settings are different. "And so I suppose we make arguments against them for the same reasons we try to reason with the young girl." The firefly has returned. It seems to like the old man. Or maybe it is hoping for a crumb of DoodleBurger. If so, its hopes are beyond rewarded, as his benefactor decides he has more than achieved his textured vegetable protein requirement for the day,and lays the dubious sandwich down, only a few bites eaten."It is our destiny to fight phantoms," he muses. "All those things that don't exist, with which we seek to destroy ourselves." He pulls a pair of glasses from a pocket in his garment. His distance lenses. He puts them on and gazes out across the parking lot, and is caught by a billboard "WORLD'S BIGGEST ARTICHOKES KIDS AND SENIORS FREE.""Do you like artichokes?" he asks, pointing at the billboard. "I am a senior." He looks around for a few more seconds, and apparently decides he has had enough distance vision, replaces the glasses. "The girl, you see, will starve herself. She will pretend nothing is wrong, and eat her meals, but vomit them up in secret. She will do this until one day her mother catches her unawares, in her underclothes, and sees the bony shoulders, the ribs like a concentrationcamp photo, and then, if it is not too late, the whole family will live around the cause of saving her life. But even in the hospital, hooked to her IV pole, when she looks in the mirror, she will see a fat butt. So it is with Empire, so it is with Manifest Destiny.Just a bunch of white people who think their butts are fat. At least in this particular century, it's white people. A while back it was Persians."He looks quite old enough to have been witness, possibly participant, in events "a while back," but it is with remarkable agility that he springs up from the plastic table, after murmuring his farewell to the firefly in some ancient (or not) language."Let's go see those artichokes!" He rubs his hands together in anticipation, licks his lips. "I hope they will have lemon butter!" She too gets up, casting a brief surreptitious glance at her backside, choosing a moment when her companion’s attention appears to be fully fixed upon the possibility of artichokes. “But it is fat, there’s just no getting around it.” she thinks ruefully. She shakes herself. After all, there are worse things. She’s not hooked up to an IV. The trick is to try and see clearly what is there, fat or no fat, ghosts or no ghosts. Or both, even, depending on which of one’s mismatched eyes one peers through. "Looks like it’s still open” she says, staring out across the car park in the late twilight. “See, there’s lights on and they’ve got seats out on the verandah. This wasn’t here last time.” She picks up the knife – “In case we have to cut the prickly ends off the leaves. Or that pithy stuff” she explains, tucking it out of sight. “I love artichokes. Especially with garlic, but lemon would be good too.” As they amble across the car park, she regales him with a tale of the time she learned to distinguish between anchovies, artichokes and garbage disposal units and why the remnants of the second should never, ever, be put into the third. “Green. Stringy. Stuff. Everywhere. ” she concludes, grimacing. “Who’d have thought one artichoke could have so much of it? .” Taking a seat at a wooden table on the verandah, they take turns looking at a menu and discover a broad assortment of artichoke-devouring options, several of which require thoughtful and detailed investigation, consumption and comparison. “So it is with Manifest Destiny so it is with Empire – yes, I think that we agree. But listen,” she thinks aloud, as they sit there, replete with artichoke in many delicious forms, contemplating the deep blue evening sky, “The girl on the IV, surrounded by her loving family – she will not recover, I think. She may linger but she will not live, until she sees what is there, the delusion, that it is a delusion, and the harm she does by acting on it. Until she sees that, she will not see a need to end it. And where will she learn to see? And how? “We may reason with her – as you said – tell her that she is, in fact, not only slender but dangerously emaciated. We may place the mirror before her face. We may drag her from her bed to measure her height, weigh her body and show her the BMI index, but what she will hear is that we, being fat, lazy and undisciplined are jealous of her determination, her self-control, her wholehearted desire to be thin, her willingness to do whatever it takes to reach that goal. Her single-mindedness. And if we acknowledge this as well – if we say to her that this – our fat, lazy and undisciplined jealousy of your determination – is what she will hear when we say this and it this is a predictable symptom of this illness? Well, sophistry can be added to that list easily enough.” “I remember sitting in a room with someone who had once been a friend, holding my hands tightly together so that I would not hit her with them and realising for the first time that although I had the strength to bodily pick her up and hurl her to the other end of the room – and for that matter, the necessary rage to make such a choice seem attractive – it was not in my power to move her conscience one single inch.” And so beloved ancestor, with the irritating persistence of an uncooperative and childish descendant sitting in the back seat of a car, asking every two minutes “Are we there yet?” I shall repeat my question: what is to be done? He gestures to indicate that he cannot answer just yet, he is still finishing up his Artichokes Rockefeller, wondering whether there really is a difference between anchovies and garbage disposals, he is not fond of either. He smiles to himself as best he can, under the artichoke-stuffed circumstances, at the array of empty dishes at the girl's place, waiting to be collected. Woman, he corrects himself, but he cannot help but think of her as a child, when they cross busy streets, he takes her hand protectively in his own, careful to let her think she is assisting his aged self make the journey safely. He is glad to see her eat. She is too thin. "How to move a conscience," he finally mumbles, almost to himself. "There really should be a pamphlet orsomething. A website. With easy steps and a diagram." "I think it is like teaching," he continues, pushing back his dish, reluctantly acknowledging that he has reached his personal limit of artichoke consumption, and a bit concerned that his astonishing capacity for same may cause the restaurant's management to revise their "SENIORS FREE" policy, at least on the All-U-Can-Eat buffet. "No one ever teaches anyone anything, really. You just make the resources available and sit back and watch them learn." "Where y'all from?" asks the cashier as the girl - the woman - hands her a plastic card. "Y'all ain't from round here," she pops her bubblegum to emphasize her remarkable perceptive powers. "Yourn's free, youknow," she shouts at the old man, unaware that at this moment, he can hear the slurp as a child over at the BurgerDoodle finishes his WildBerryFreeze. "Seniors is free," she explains to the woman, voice lowered to a normal decibel level, swiping the plastic card through a machine, waiting for another machine, somewhere, to respond, and agree that the impressively low sum of $7.99 US may be safely deducted from or charged to, yet another machine somewhere else. "You know who he looks like?" she asks conversationally, as they all wait for the hiss and clicks that will indicate that the electronic question and answer session has concluded, "He looks like the feller they got on the television set, th'terst, you know, that blew up the nine-a-leven? With all them people in it? Oh I know he ain't, he's way too old, plus he's one o' th' nice ones. I c'n tell th' nice ones." She leans toward the old man, grins. "You ain't fixin t' blow up nothin', is ya?" she shouts. "Could we have some bubble gum like yours?" the old man places a coin on the counter, takes the little squares from her astonished hand. It jumps at his touch, as if from an electric shock. "He speaks English real good." The cashier is, after all, a professional, who must be able to recover quickly from shocks to the system. "You speak English real good," she shouts in the direction of the old man's ear. He inclines his head to her graciously. "You will permit me to return the compliment." Sometimes we must lie to be kind, he thinks to himself, as they settle into the car, leaving the cashier to stare at her hand where the ancient fingers brushed it as they took the gum, as if looking for some kind of mark. "Pay-gy," she calls to a waitress, " You got smora them pills like you gimme that night Misty got th' po-leesecalled on Dwayne?" Peggy nods obligingly and goes off to get her purse. The cashier looks as if she might burst into tears. "So it is with moving consciences. We cannot do it, they must move themselves. At best, we can make vehicles available." The old man blows a bubble and pops it, quite pleased with himself, undisturbed by the fact that he is no match for his companion's skills in this department. "The Americans like to say, you know, that Uncle Tom's Cabin changed peoples' hearts, and was the real catalyst for the re-framing of slavery. Even Abraham Lincoln himself is alleged to have indicated as much to Ms. Stowe. But I think this is a myth. The real reasons were economic, as they always are. But the public is always encouraged to attribute such things to something less mundane, more emotionally uplifting, a book, Gandhiji, Patrice Lumumba, Dr. King, Nelson Mandela. Not to take away from any of them. All were the vehicles for moving many consciences, and this is a good thing. But we must not deceive ourselves, and if we look about Soweto today, or the projects a few miles from Dr. King's tomb, if we leave the big city and observe the plight of Dalits in almost any village, we must acknowledge that on the whole, only a small percentage of consciences have been moved."

(Note that this originally at Dove’s blog, In Flight, in 2007. Copyright is obviously hers, and if she asks me to take this down, I will respectfully do so. I have struggled with the ethics of posting this for some time, but decided to err on the side of posting partially because I honestly do not know the shelf life of blogs on the Blogger platform, especially ones that have gone fallow, and partially because this is the 10th anniversary of this story’s publication and Ductape Fatwa’s last published words as a coauthor deserve to be commemorated. If you do follow the link to Dove’s blog, check the rest of it out as well. She, too, had a way with words, and communicated with a sense of candor and empathy that was genuinely a treasure.) 

[jq37]

Let's go final bloodkeep ep breakdown!

**spoilers for the tomb of ultimate evil**

I was originally kind of annoyed that dropout wasn’t working when I wanted to do this originally, but it’s actually kind of a blessing in disguise now that I think about it because it means I get to rewatch and discuss the ep in light of the bombshells Brennan dropping in the BTS video.

As I watch the Previouslies, I realize I’m still not over the fact that Maggie named her kid after Leiland. It was so sweet an unexpected. 

So, at the start of this episode, Brennan must have realized that his plans are pretty much jossed because the 4 baby blessing was *very* not on the docket  

“Absolutely, Lilith’s got 25 strength.” Idk why that’s so funny to me. Maybe because I think Rekha was asking whether Lilith was allowed to carry her, not if she was physically cable but Brennan was like “Of course she can carry you. She’s an absolute unit.”

Leiland’s first move? Drawing all the enemy fire. Markus’s first move? Immediately hiding. In fairness, my dude is a rogue.

Lol, spiderweb baby bjorn.

“We’re evil but we understand communication and consent.”

Nat 20 from Old Pickering! Finally he’s useful!

Watch a bitch call lightning! A different bitch, but still.

Amy’s childish delight at the prospect that there might be a bomb in the goblins is so good.

I love how on board everyone was for the mystery potion.

Did Hork exist before this episode? I have no memory of him existing.

Nat 20 for Sohkbar!

Brennan is really so good at all of his on the cuff J'er'em'ih nonsense.

Erika yelling, “Sanctuary!” a la Hunchback of Notre Dame.

I like that Lilith calls her spider kids to defend them by going, “Get ‘em ladies!” and then Brennan decides one of the kids she summoned is Jason.

“I really am sorry. I’m sorry for everything I’ve done…and everything I’m about to do.”

Leiland Jr. MVP!

I love that Lilith treat’s Sohkbar as if he’s also a parent.

Two words I’ve learned to fear since I’ve started watching RPG shows: Lair action.

Leiland just BARELY not being on the falling chunk of floor.

Brennan really faked me out on that Jason fall. Man really was about to make me cry over a fictional spider for the SECOND TIME in my life (Charlotte’s Web).

I love Erika screaming over Jason in and out of character separately.

“Guys, this is our element! Knocking people off of things!”

Leiland’s affirmations. Who is doing counseling at the Bloodkeep.

AOE spells are so boss.

“Everyone look at Leiland! He’s doing it!” Aww, everyone finally gets to see him be cool! It’s really wild how much of an arc these guys went through in just 2 days of play. It’s very narratively consistent.

“Oh you fucking freak, you’d love that.”

“Tell him something is gonna happen to his bones but don’t explain it.”

Rekha loudly announcing her ridic amount of hitpoints is on of my fave things

I love how in both campaigns so far, Brennan has had a moment of, “You’re not bad at magic, you’re just depressed.” What an oddly specific thing but also, relateable.

Cell Block Tango ft. Leiland.

Leiland curses one of the Vingury. I’m sure that won’t be important later (I’m lying).

Ify/Markus just refusing to learn Hobbert and Frod’s names.

 Ify: *Trying to do a shenanigan*

Brennan: I see what’s happening here.

DOOR LORE. DOOR LORE. DOOR LORE.

So I guess the real lesson of this season of D20 is always commit to your running jokes because you’ll get free nonsense out of it. (A 19! That’s so painful!)

Jessa just straight eats not-Gollum.

Both Jason and Jessa are very protective of their mom and I love it.

Maggie All elves look the same. (Maggie said F elf rights)

The full 6 seconds of silence from Matt between his saying  he loves J'er'em'ih more than any other animal companion and looking directly at the camera and saying, “Except for Trinket,” very seriously.

Amy: I must become the necro boatman.

Brennan, whose plans have now been entirely womped: :O.

I truly didn’t even consider attacking the boatman. I feel like this is such a good DM moment, because I feel like my reaction would have been, “That’s not how this works,” but Bren just let it happen, which is better both for the story and player agency. I’m taking notes.  

Efink getting validation on her chosen name by the evil statues.

“Kick his ass and you get the power!”

“I’m like a setpiece, not like a guy!”

Sohkbar claims the baby as his ward. This baby is gonna have so many godparents.

“MY DAD SHIT IN A BAG?”

What a wild improv.

I love the ancient evil statues have Lilith’s back on the fact that she should have gotten the promotion.

When Leiland Jr was born Brennan was like, “He’s not gonna do much. He’s a baby.” One ep later this baby is taking turns and fireblasting enemies and talking like he’s the Godfather.

OK so there’s a lair action. Leiland rolls a NAT ONE to not plummet into the Bloodkeep. Brennan clearly is ready to bring out the ghost figurines we saw in the BTS.

The statue Lilith JUST got the blessing from falls which means if she hadn’t gotten it that turn, they would have been screwed. Sidenote: Brennan says it was an instant lose condition for them which is part of why I was surprised that this wasn’t his plan to begin with. He just readjusted everything on the fly and set new parameters. What a good, confidence projecting, quick thinking DM.

It’s Leiland’s turn. He is once again falling to his doom. This time, without the bossa nova music and soothing apathy because he actually has something to live for.

AND HE USES HIS HEX TO TELEPORT TO THE VINGURY HE HEXED BEFORE.

It was JUST close enough. And he almost cursed Olag instead! That decision saved his undead ass!

I love that Leiland is Uncle Leiland to Jason! And later Jessa calls Efink Aunt Efink.  I wanna see evil Thanksgiving so bad.

“You’re really killing it today Leiland!” My boy finally getting the praise he deserves. (Also, wild that this is all still THE SAME DAY)

“oKAY, okay, OKAY, oKay.” –Brennan having a moment

“You wanted us to play evil characters but we’re actually playing evil players.”

Man this episode is truly how Leiland got his groove back, huh?

Boatman rolls a 4 to resist fear. Go Leiland!

“I take off my mask to reveal…I’m sexy as fuck.”

Everyone including the evil statue is hot for Markus.

“Shut the fuck up, Olag. Go kill yourself.” Maggie just has no patience for nonsense (that’s not the kind of nonsense she enjoys anyway).

“Do I take psychic damage from that?”

Lilith gets a nat 20!

Maggie, upon Leiland calling her 'my queen’ for the second time: Just call me Maggie, please.

“THAT’S AN ABILITY  J'ER'EM'IH  HAS?”/“I guess.”

“Lilith, you’re my girl! Lilith, my girl!” They grab hands over the table. It’s such a pure moment.

Brennan after they kill the Boatman: I mean, fuck me I guess.

Leiland goes down. Leiland Jr. goes, “Nah, get up, you’re fine,” and he gets back up. (Brennan at this point has clearly fully leaned in to the direction his players dragged him).

Leiland comes back as Leiland the White. And I just realized! That’s the ghost figurine! I thought that was the figure Bren got for when Leiland inevitably completed his story arc. No! It was the figure for in case Leiland DIED.

Leiland FONZES at Leiland Jr.

Nat 20 from Maggie to avoid falling into the Bloodkeep!

Leiland lets Markus convince him to not kill Olag (for future shenanigans). Leiland instead owns Toby and rolls a 29 to convince Oswald back onto their side. Toby also comes as a zombie on their side. Everything’s coming up Leiland!

Except no, he goes back down immediately and falls face first into the blood pool.

OK, check it. Markus bargains with one of the evil statues to make Olag alive and undead for eternity. The statue is kinda on board but wants to make a trade. Markus basically goes, “Watch this,” and STEPS INTO THE VOID.

Go back and watch Amy’s reaction. It’s so genuinely shocked and concerned. Matt’s is good too.

Sidenote: That is apropos of nothing goal wise. He just wanted to torture Olag.

Maggie gets the final blessing with a quiet, heartfelt speech Brennan doesn’t even make her roll for. The statue tries to get her to put in a good word w/ her dad for it and steps all over the moment.

Ify, about to pull out shenanigans part two, electric boogaloo: I never got a chance to attack on my turn.

He attacks himself and warps back up!

Amy: Is that how you play a rogue????

Why sneak attack damage? Can you sneak attack yourself?

“You’re a liar!”/“I’m a rogue.” Beautiful.

We’re evil!

Oswald dies and Leiland comes back! Hexing Oswald really panned out for him

“It’s all spiders from here!” I wanna start saying that.

Efink cancels out a nat 20 on Sohkbar!

Lilith telling her kids to go find safety is a small thing but sweet.

“You know you live near Goblin Island and you always say you’re gonna visit.”

Markus swashbuckles over to the bloodkeep before he falls. Leiland is ready to jump his bones.

Nat 20 from Leiland! Is that his first one?

AND THEN HE ROLLS TWO NAT ONES!

Classic Leiland.

I love that Leiland is pro J'er'em'ih now.

John Feathers comes back for the epilogue. Rehka is more excited than anyone.

Lilith is voted queen regent of Gorgar! Go girl! And Jessa opens her fashion firm while Jason sets out to the forest. Good for them.

Scream beast babies!

And little Leiland asks big Leiland to get him the head of Galfast Hamhead! Full circle, I love it.

OK so Brennan said this and he was right. Leiland and Maggie have such a wild ass arc. She goes being “that whore” in ep 1 (idr what he actually called her but that’s the vibe he gave off) to “my queen” in episode 6. And like, man. Imagine planning a game where the goal is to lead the players into a PvP free for all and, instead, the only two characters with a legit grievance mend fences so much that one names their child after the other and that one swears fealty to that mom and her child. Imagine failing so hard at your original goal. Wow.

Anyway, that’s it for Bloodkeep! Thanks for hanging in there for me to write this up! I want to say something about the teaser for T.U.S. too but I’ll save that for another post. 

Sidenote: So Matt has been on D20 and Brennan has been on Naddpod. I think this means Brennan or Murph gets to be on Critical Role now. I’m a lawyer and I’m pretty sure that’s how the law works. 

[steve0discusses]

Yugioh S3 Ep 38: Joey Takes Seto Out on a Pity Duel

Woo I’m back from Vancouver, which is a beautiful city--so freakin clean. Like I dunno if any Canadians read this blog but DAMN, it was so clean! It’s always nice to travel, be fancy, pig out on poutine, cry about how much you miss Uber, and pretend you’re another person for a little while, but at some point I had to come home, where, after the adrenaline of travel wore off, I realized I had actually been running a fever the entire time. (it was hard to tell yousee because there’s been a massive heatwave? It’s a long story)

So, I say this to explain that at some point during this week when I was a litttttttle out of it, I decided to put a Yugioh post together, and so it might be a little less than coherent than it normally is. But hey, it’s a short episode, and so I will leave it up to bro. If bro allows it, the post will go up, if bro tells me to go to hell to bed and take a break then I just won’t post anything and y’all can assume I was eaten by a bear in downtown Vancouver.

Bro’s decided Yugioh doesn’t make a whole ton of sense anyway so I guess we’ll be posting it.

So, where were we? That’s right, Kaiba lost a card game, which is like...most of what he does in this show.

Kaiba has had...a FEW meltdowns over the course of this show but in this one he’s decided it was high time to roll into a little ball and wallow in so much self pity, and it sure was a look that everyone else just had to kind of awkwardly watch.

(read more under the cut)

And then, he says, apropos of nothing, this exact line.

Kaiba, I swear.

On the other end of the field, Yugi and friends have decided to ignore this desperate plea for help and are just all smiles because this show loves nothing more than to dunk on Kaiba. It’s nice that no matter how much this show tries to make Kaiba into a relatable character that we should feel bad for, they will always go right back to just dunking on him, every single opportunity they get.

The kids are also thrilled that Joey’s no longer a victim in the hospital.

Don’t worry about it, Joey’s fine now, don’t think about it, it’s fine. This is very Joey Wheeler, who, despite being possessed and concussed so many times, seems to get through his entire, stressful life, completely free of all consequences. He’s fine.

And then, out of nowhere, Pharaoh just lets loose all this pent up angst he’s been harboring against Seto. the timing is just so weird because Seto’s like “I have no one to blame but myself” and Pharaoh’s like “oh are you open to suggestions? I have so many suggestions.” and just starts piling on unsolicited critiques like internet rando’s piling on an child’s art forum.

Like it’s been kind of a while since Pharaoh’s been this condescending--basically since Season 1--and he was loving it. It was still a very weird fight he and Seto had where basically everyone ganged up on Kaiba and demanded that Kaiba make more friends.

And it’s like guys...Seto’s having a hard time right now and his Dad and Brother died this morning, like...maybe instead of demanding he make friends with you, you just kinda...give him some space? Not like any of these kids would have any idea what personal space is considering they run into each other’s brains like 2 times a season.

It’s just the entitlement coming off of the Yugi team is sort of remarkable. Granted, Kaiba is an asshole, but like...was this necessary? No. But Pharaoh sure did it anyway.

And then Pharaoh threw Joey in there just to brag? It was just the weirdest humble brag cat fight between Yugi, who is arguably the most weird and unpopular kid in their school and Seto, who is just as unlikeable because he is a random ass college student that is attending a High School and yet can’t seem to accelerate past Yugi’s grade.

But anyways, this is an anime, so there must always be that one kid who just refuses to make friends with anyone (although he’s clearly the instigator of all their hang outs). Gotta have that trope of the tsundere friend.

And so at this point I guess Joey was feeling kinda bad for Kaiba, because he mentions that he was once much like Kaiba. Joey says he used to pick on people all the time and he didn’t want any friends, and I’d probably know more about that if I went back to Season Zero one of these days...but Joey decides to extend a hand in friendship. Which, going by Joey’s definition, means he decides to offer a duel that has no magic in it. A blessed, rare, thing.

That’s right, you read the title, Joey decides to take Seto out on a pity duel. There really is no other way to read this, Joey is just...so determined to make Seto feel better so he doesn’t jump directly off this tall structure like Seto has threatened to do once a season since this show began.

So, now that Joey has tricked Seto into a play date, everyone decided to get off the duel tower, and instead duel on this pile of rubble at the base of it that MUST be completely covered in seagull poop. It makes for a nice dystopian background. I mean how much rebar was in those buildings Seto blew up?

Also, I almost forgot that Marik’s “good” side has been inhabiting Tea.

And of course it was Tristan who noticed this and immediately jumped to the bathroom conclusion. He would.

He would.

In actuality, Marik decided to pay a visit to his sister to bring up something that has been bothering him for an entire season that I have completely forgotten about.

YEAH.

I mean there’s been a LOT of filler between that moment that Marik overheard his Sister tell everyone that Marik murdered their Dad over seeing a single picture of a motorcycle and now. So much filler that I would have assumed even Marik forgot at this point but nah, we’re gonna talk about this. We’re gonna talk abut this very heavy thing that has been weighing on Marik’s mind for probably several years now. The thing that pushed Marik off that ledge in the first place.

And that’s really all they seem to say about it. Marik seems pretty well adjusted to the fact that his evil half did this. Maybe after the time he’s been stewing in Tea’s bean, staring at that one parrot and his reflection in the ballet mirrors, Marik came to terms with how he murdered his own Dad.

Nice that he did that emotional beat offscreen, but this is Yugioh so that screentime got cut for more cards I guess.

So, Marik decides it’s time he use this Tea-quality gorilla strength and get to punching out his possessed body.

Oh hell it’s a fight scene with Tea.

Next update and every update will be me looking forward to this fight scene with Tea.

I know that the show hasn’t touched on other important things, like how Mokuba and Seto seem to be having a bit of a falling out, or how Pharaoh just saw himself die, or how Joey is still carrying around guilt from how much of an asshole he was in his past but like...

...I really want to see this fight scene with Tea.

Anyways if you just got here, this is a link to read the Yugioh journey from the beginning.