#keep my mom in your thoughts

[the-writing-mobster]

Hey guys! This is gonna be a tough post but I just need somewhere to vent a bit, I've been through the ringer this past week. This is kind of a personal post too? So by all means scroll by if you don't want to read stuff about medical emergencies...

...

Kay. So... I had to take my mother to the ER due to complications with a recent surgery. Scary. Emotional. Exhausting.

Recovery for her will be a long and very difficult journey. Painful. She's doing better now and she gets stronger everyday but it's still a deep concern for me. I know the first week after she's released from the hospital will be extremely tough for everyone, especially her.

Personally, I've been really emotional. Crying on and off. Trying my best to be strong for her. So tired. So tired.

We were hit with a bombshell that she could have cancer, but the very next day were relieved to hear pathology reports showed the mass that'd been removed last week was benign, so that's def one less thing to worry about and a huge weight lifted off our shoulders....

All that being said — Honestly?

I could really use some kind words. Encouragement to help me get back into the right mindset to continue with art and writing. That's my safe space, you know?

Anyway, thank you all, and thank you to my wonderful mutuals who have been listening to me vent these past couple of days.

🫶🏻

[skunkes]

[opens-up-4-nobody]

Suspirium - Thom York

[megumi-fm]

.

[geddy-leesbian]

on top of this being the anniversary of the most traumatic day of my life which was followed by 6 weeks I was homeless and had a variety of traumatic things happen, we also got

me being due for my depo shot which means I will cry over things that are not worth crying about (the best example is probably the time I thought we had a frozen spaghetti meal in the freezer and started sobbing when it wasn't there)

finding out my estranged sister violated her probation (it's a long story) and even though I wouldn't have expected to have strong feelings about it it's still somehow like

my mom's dad might be dying (I haven't seen him since I was very young so I don't view him as much more than "my mom's dad" and saying he's my grandpa wouldn't feel right to me even if it's technically correct) and it's like the thing with my sister where it's not something I would expect to have feelings about but still do

We went into our apartment complex's office to renew our lease and they said they'd email us all the lease stuff to sign online earlier this week and it's probably nothing but anxiety brain go brrrrrrrr they're not going to renew it and you'll be homeless again!!!!

I truly feel like Luis Serra in this moment:

the bear trap is last years trauma, the ganado is everything more recent

[iero]

I love my grandmother dearly but her “You’re getting to that age where you should be settling down. Why haven’t you settled down yet?” shovel talk drives me fucking insane!

[boxwinebaddie]

so, you're telling me....

( tw for unc nina med trauma/its-on-para-siGHT-bitch! )

***update:

that the past 2-3 weeks of hell i spent fighting for my goddamn fucking life alone in my room, tearing my body apart to try and keep it together, those abrasions and tears creating openings for worse things to burrow in along side the original things, thinking i figured out what i have only to realize the parasite was not done forming, new stuff forming while that was happening like i was a goddamn petri dish, having to spend every hour of every day doing research to find out what was wrong with me bc my family wouldnt believe me

and thought i was a psychotic basket-case and that even after four traumatic trips to the er, the doctors were still not fucking listening to me, told me i was sunburned and needed to be sedated, to take my chill pills, taking antibiotic after antibiotic, my hair coming out, my skin turning red and yellow, that shit not curing me, that shit actually making me worse??? that shit literally chemical burning me, that shit making me weaker than i was when i was a 14 year old freshman in high school, that fucking evil mystery diagnosis hive mind about to send a ectoparasites into my fucking heart and lungs and shit,

with me literally ready to FUCKING DIE...

could all have been over in one hour, after i promised myself i would not do any more research and just let it happen, happened to stumble upon the right parasite that presents identically to the one that i was told ( loose term, they didn't test me ) / thought i had...

but when smothered with VasoFUCKINGLine...

IS KILLED INSTANTANEOUSLY.

[big-moon-little-moon]

After the tease about Fearne's true heritage Nana Morri gave at the end of ep78 I am dying to hear theories from people who are better at connecting dots: what are the ideas? Who did Fearne's mom fuck and was Ruidus following her back into the Feywild connected to that?

[lecliss]

The choice from Sunday is kinda weird cuz the options are build a cage in the house for the bird or build a nest where it fell and one leads to the bird growing up but dying once its set free and the other one probably leads to it dying much sooner. They both feel like the same option and even tho obviously the most kind, caring, morally right thing to do is keep it inside so at least it lives longer even if it's in a cage. But like to me both options suck and are basically nothing cuz I'm sorry if I look like a bad person for this, but I'm not sorry, but I'm not fuckin touching a wild animal. Even if I knew it was there even if I bothered to check out the sound to find a bird, which I wouldn't, I'm not touching it. I'm not even getting close enough to find out it's too young to fly yet. Whatever happens to it happens man and I'll never know what happens to it cuz I'm not even gonna look at it. Like, where's the 'you seem like an asshole but really it's quite a normal choice' in this whole trial thing??? That's usually an option you can pick. Sunday!!! Sunday, listen!!! There are more than two choices!!! You don't have to always do something!!!! You can just walk away!!! You don't have to try to do something for everyone all the time!!! Think about yourself sometimes!!! It's not selfish I promise!!! SUNDAY!!! OH MY GOD HIS WINGS ARE COVERING HIS EARS HE CANT HEAR US!!!!

[altruistic-meme]

i think im going to need a moment of not opening messages right now. im going to read stormbringer instead.

[whoblewboobear]

Staring down that weird feeling of feeling like too much or out of place or annoying if I say too much or say things too loud or too off-putting to be like- WANTED in any given social situation. To try so hard to socialize just to- idk. I’d very much like to stop defaulting to that scared kid that was pushed away or talked over until I got old enough and desperate enough to say any and every rapid fire thought that comes to mind. Like filling space when there’s dead air then wondering if maybe I did the Too Much™️ thing again and A. Scared everyone away or B. Pushed everyone away so it would hurt less when they leave BC of A.

Of feeling like I need to be useful or smart or talented or pretty or SOMETHING worthwhile so people want me around. I can just be but then it’s like just being has never been enough for anyone to like- stay. Or care. Running is always a mistake bc it’s like riiiight.. no one noticed you ran, babe. You’re not even at the top of their list people to want around. And just feel so low about it that I talk myself into feeling miserable again.

I’m happy, ive been so much happier lately and i dont take it for granted bc it’s so rare that things go okay or that there’s a sense of peace for a moment. I’m creating again and im less hard on myself about it. I have hobbies again, I’m making friends. And still I’m like seeing the other foot start to drop in real time bc it’s like. You’re in, but are you? That constant nagging voice that sounds so much like my own going “lonely again? Good you deserve it”

[comfortlesshurt]

brutally reminded that somewhere out there is a physical copy of an absolutely terrible detective conan genderbend au i wrote when i was like 12

i am not thriving today so here's a tag rant

[moeblob]

I started fanart today but my thumb kinda hurts so I can't finish it so take OC art I never posted as my 'art of the day'.

Melo (mute) and Lody (can talk) are the twin advisors to the demon lord Sascha. They're probably his two most trusted demons and they adore him and respect him. While everyone in the demon army calls him "boss", Lody addresses him as "my lord" or "our lord" if with Melo.

Their pink/yellow eyes are actually a link of sorts. Whatever Melo sees, Lody can see. Whatever Lody sees, Melo can see. So they often travel apart from each other to have a wider range of what's going on in order to help Sascha determine the wisest course of action.

[kangaracha]

wips list for the end of march

nevermore (145/300k, edit complete)

queenmaker (16 chapters written)

FNF (8/10k)

leave part 2

what the water brought (25/50k)

boxer!minho? dlc? something

sick fic (handed to keeps, godspeed)

the gone and the gathered ch 3&4

valleys (complete rewrite)

tgbyb ch 5

tsotl end part 1

darling don't wake up x4

goldmine goldmine (landmine) (6/40k)

soul is yours to keep/zelda fic

draculas

the finished things list! raise a glass!

leave part 1

lyre lyre

[stormyrainyday]

man growing up without any privacy is a fucking trip what do you mean i'm scared my mom found my imagine dragons CD it's imagine dragons for fuck's sake why would i get in trouble for that

[sugaroto]

You know.

At school I had a game with my friend

I would write down names of characters from different media (TV shows, books etc) that she hadn't watched and she would match them

Usually I put the girls and the boys on each side of the page (non binary characters were either at the top or bottom)

And then she drew lines and made ships

Now the thing is. She hardly ever got canon ships right

Her worst cases were close to pedophilia and incest

So at some point she gave up trying to get them right and was more happy when she was creating monstrosities cause it was funny

And I think, the writers of Elite are playing the very same game

They started by making fun ships "hoho look at these characters they look good together" then they messed up "hehe these 2 are awful" and then they went bullshit and thought "YEAH MAKE THE MOM KISS HER SON MUAHAHA"

And yeah. I don't think you should make canon ships of the matching game me and my friend played in class yknow Mr elite writes