#kind of a weird move to make tho?? I'm sure they know what they're doing but this is an. interesting choice to make

[yesimwriting]

Without Faith

a/n giggling and kicking my feet rn btw, this is meant to be a set up for something longer! lmk if you're interested in part 2 :)

Summary: After a news story that was only meant to be an internship assignment spirals into a crime story that earns national attention, you feel conflicted enough about your involvement to join a criminal psychology class despite being a journalism major. Despite your good intentions, the universe seems to have it out for you considering your slightly older professor is extremely attractive and the only person that seems to understand what you're going through.

Warnings/info: age gap (reader is of consenting age tho!!), future student-professor relationship, slow burn, slight changes to how college works for the sake of plot, a surprising amount of lore (i got carried away), me writing for a character for a first time on here so be kind 😭

----

It's not often one finds their enemy crumpled up and lying helplessly next to an overflowing garbage can. It's even rarer to see that and still feel the bitter sting of defeat.

"He didn't text me back, which is weird because when I ran into him on Friday--" Carlie, who might know you better than you know yourself, pauses.

You turn your head away from the trash in an attempt to abandon the newspaper as completely as the person who had thrown it away. "You saw James last week? You didn't tell me."

She watches you for a moment, her eyebrows pulling together in a way that tells you she won't accept your lie just because you're offering her an opportunity to re-dissect her most recent interaction with her latest target. "You know I did."

Carlie shifts her weigh from one foot to the other, her eyes drifting towards the ground. "It's there because it's old--it's over."

It's over. The words crack themselves against your skull. More than a sentence, more than a promise. The only consolation the state's attorney could offer grieving families. The sound ringing in your ears as a mother gave into her agony, a choked sob ripping its way out of her throat.

It's over--the catalyst that sent the mother to you in a parking lot illuminated by stale, synthetic lighting. They're the reason for her confession, that in some off-kilter way she thought the verdict would make her feel better.

It's over--the syllables that accompany the sound of the needle leaving Josh Robinson's lifeless body. Killed by the justice system or the media?

"You didn't do anything wrong." Carlie's voice is careful in its unflinchingness. "He was a serial killer. You--you wrote the truth."

And while this awareness has bound itself to your bones, it is rarely enough to make you forget what you did wrong. Journalists are impartial, they don't--they're supposed to understand, they're supposed to be careful. You took it a step further.

"I know."

You don't need to look up to know that you haven't convinced her. However, you must have sounded okay enough for Carlie to accept moving on. "And you're doing more than anyone else would do to make your true crime even better."

It's an exaggeration. Journalists have done a lot more for their careers than request to join a class that belongs to a department unrelated to their degree. But Carlie seems so happy to be able to compliment you, you decide to go with a less sentimental correction, "Not true crime."

"I know, journalism." She sighs, but continues to walk forward in a way that feels oddly optimistic. Maybe even relieved. "Make sure you point out the difference to the professor. I'm sure he'll love that."

You roll your eyes at her sarcasm, but follow her lead anyway. You've already perfected the elevator pitch you're planning to present to Dr. Spencer Reid. A brief but genuine description of the importance of ethical journalism, especially when it comes to writing about serial killers.

You're well practiced and far from worried about winning him over. Academic authority figures have always taken well to you...it also doesn't hurt that you spent all night googling him just to be safe.

"Actually," she begins, pulling open the door to the psychology building, "I bet there's no room for original material in the interaction that you've already imagined, planned, and mentally rehearsed."

You scoff as you step past the door's threshold. "No," the word is dismissive and entirely unconvincing. You instinctually move past it. "Go talk to your advisor about your thesis, I'll meet with Dr. Reid, and then we can order food or something."

The reminder of her own meeting seems to kill the mood, her smile morphing into something more focused. Carlie lets out a small breath. "Right. We got this." And with one final assuring nod, Carlie turns towards the stairwell.

----

The thought is a dull ache that wedges itself into your chest before you can bring yourself to knock against the door. It'll follow you forever.

When you step into the room, Dr. Reid will inevitably ask why you want to join his class. And then you'll have to answer.

You exhale as you extend your arm, knuckles rapping against the wooden surface before overthinking can hurt you any further. After a brief silence, you hear a slightly muffled, "Come in."

You reach for the brass handle, pulling the door open before stepping past the doorway's threshold.

The office is comfortable, a large desk and two plush chairs manage to share the space without seeming cramped. There's a pencil holder and several stacks of papers on the desk's surface. If one ignores the degrees--and the age of the recipient when he received them--on the walls, the office seems normal. Almost suspiciously so. There's even a partially wilted plant sitting on the windowsill.

After taking in the room, you let your attention fall to the individual behind the desk. He's--he--while you've read enough about Dr. Reid to already respect him, and are fully aware that he is far from your peer, you're also now looking at him.

Last night, you did stumble onto a few pictures of him that forced you to reluctantly make a mental note of the fact that he's aesthetically pleasing, but those occasionally blurry snapshots did him and his sharp features little justice.

"Hello," the word is an instinct, slipping past your lips before you're ready to speak.

"Hi," his response is as sudden and lacking in context as your own--a fact that immediately eases you.

Dr. Reid shifts, back straightening against his seat. "You're here for your appointment." You barely have the chance to nod in confirmation before he's continuing, "Come in, take a seat."

In all honesty, you're more glad for the direction than the excuse to sit. You enter his office fully, approaching the plush chair in front of his desk. You sit down, lips parting before you're ready to speak. All structured thoughts have abandoned you.

"Hi." You realize your mistake immediately. You blink, a sound between a self deprecating laugh and a sigh escaping you. "I already said that."

If Dr. Reid thinks anything of your mistake, he gives no indication of it. His expression remains steady, with the exception of the corner of his mouth briefly tugging itself upwards.

Your hands come together on your lap, one of your nails pressing into the nail bed of the thumb on your opposite hand before forcing yourself to relax. You've read enough about his work with the FBI to know that he's so adept at analyzing behavior, you don't need to make it easy for him by giving into obvious signs of nervousness.

"Like I mentioned in my email, I'm interested in joining your class even though it's not an elective and in an entirely different department than my degree." This part is easy, a perfunctory explanation of what he already knows. "However, there is enough overlap that my advisor is supportive of the idea and has already signed off on it."

He shifts again, his pointer finger tapping against the surface of his desk. "Right, she mentioned that, but she didn't mention why."

Okay. This is the part that matters. "I'm a journalism major, and I've recently completed an internship with The Washing Sun." In an act of total self betrayal, you study his expression for any hint of recognition. Finding absolutely none makes it easier to breathe. "And spending time in such an active, journalistic environment has made me fully aware of the way that morals and personal views can complicate ethics."

You pause, pressing your lips together. "I'd like the opportunity to learn about certain behaviors in order to develop a perspective separate from my own.

Though still politely neutral, something behind Dr. Reid's eyes implies an uncertainty that has the rest of your pitch jamming itself down your throat. Whatever's changed doesn't feel like disbelief, and you're far from worried about being accused of lying. You were careful to comb through your mess of emotions before you had even pitched the idea to your advisor--you do feel those things, they're just not the only things you feel.

How delusional had you been to assume the same answers that hid their vagueness behind a heavy layer of altruism that worked on Mrs. Carol would work on a FBI profiler?

"I um--" The sound of your own voice surprises you. "I know what it's like to write something when you can't feel anything for the person everyone's already rooting against, and I'd like to not feel that again." Another glimmer of honesty, barer than your curated story, but still not exactly everything.

Dr. Reid is quiet for a moment, studying you with an openness that should make your skin crawl. "What did it feel like?"

The question throws you. Friends, family, strangers--they've all asked you things about the case, about your article, about hundreds of other things so barely connected you couldn't fathom an answer. No one has ever asked you about that feeling.

"Uh..." You're not even sure you have an answer. "Weird." Your blankness feels like such a cop out, you feel the need to try again. What did it feel like? A hybrid beast made of a festering not-quite-guilt, an over awareness of your every action, all held together by an uneasy pride...that only served to further aggravate the not guilt. "Like I was doing something right and wrong, with no way of knowing what it was more of."

You squeeze your hands together, allowing yourself to focus on the action instead of him. "I'm sorry, that probably doesn't make much sense."

When you finally lift your head, Dr. Reid is already looking at you. A moment passes, the somberness of his features growing heavier in the silence. Maybe he's looking at something past you. "It does."

The affirmation is a small, fragile thing, so faint and far away it almost feels like an intrusion to have heard it. Some selfish part of you latches onto that, his unexpected understanding a lifeline you can't let go of.

You almost thank him before realizing that you have no idea what you'd be thanking him for. "I'm glad," you settle on, fingers carefully coming apart on your lap. "The writing thing's no good if I don't make sense."

The attempt at humor seems to pull him back from wherever he had gone. "Then you have nothing to worry about." He doesn't exactly smile, but there's something easy about the way he's looking at you. "I'll approve your enrollment request."

Relief floods through you immediately. "Really?"

"Maybe it'll help you feel less...weird." From him, your too plain adjective feels a lot more fitting.

You nod once, the motion quick and polite. "Hopefully." The beat of silence that follows comes closer to kinship than anything you've ever felt in someone's office. You're also fully aware of the fact that you've gotten what you came for and that Dr. Reid is likely a very busy man. "I shouldn't take up anymore of your time."

His fingers tap against his desk. "Right. I'll see you in class."

You smile as you stand. "See you then."

The walk towards the door is a lot less intimidating now. Still, once you reach it, you can't bring yourself to immediately reach for the handle. You pause, letting out a breath before turning around. "Dr. Reid?"

He looks up, nodding once in a way that's meant to prompt you. Maybe it's overkill, but it feels necessary and it's too late to back out now. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." He doesn't look away from you after responding.

There's nothing left to expect, there are no words or anything else meant to be said. That's not enough to stop some unknown feeling from wedging itself between your ribs, urging you to something, to say anything that might come close to offering him the same kind of understanding he's given you.

"I hope you find a less weird, too."

He doesn't respond, but something about the look behind his eyes and his slight nod makes you feel okay about leaving him.

----

There are few ideologies that have clung to him, and even fewer that have managed to bind themselves to some integral part of his being that exists beneath his skin.

The pursuit of knowledge is one of the few constants Spencer Reid allows himself to rely on, one of the only things he allows himself to consider a saving grace. However, circumstance has prevented his views on the subject from skewing. The irony of the fact that some things are better left unknown is not lost on him.

For example, the girl that walked into his office and immediately saw through him, is better left a mystery. He'd see her in class, he'd answer her questions, he'd grade her work and offer her necessary feedback--but he will not know her.

It's a mantra, a promise that he repeats in his head again and again as his attention falls to the desktop in front of him. He attempts to grasp onto this lack of knowledge, to transform it into a tangible entity to keep him from typing your name into the search engine.

----

a/n spencer entering his garcia era while googling reader 💻🧑‍💻

anyways in ur interested in part 2 or would like to be tagged let me know!!

[iliveforyouilongforyouvesuvia]

Hello, it me :D

Idk how you want to structure this or how it's gonna sound when I try to type out what's in my brain rn, I do know that I want this to be a full hc tho

Ok. So. I've seen some art here & there of some of the M6 with their own children; mostly just babies but there are a couple older kids in the mix as well. This is where things in my head get weird so bear with me:

I'm thinking this ask could go three ways (I also don't know if Nadia & Portia will be able to fit in to this ask but it is what it is), and you can do just one of the options or all of them, I'll let you choose:

A. M6 reacting to MC telling them they're pregnant

B. M6 & MC mid-pregnancy preparing for the baby

Or C. M6 getting to hold their kid for the first time

Hopefully this makes sense I think it provides an opportunity for incredible wholesomeness whatever you decide :)

The Arcana HCs: M6 during MC's pregnancy

~ ohoho, now this, this is the kind of prompt that makes my heart sing! @themushroomgoesyeet I hope you're ready because I'm doing all three of those suggestions in here, just you wait >:3 - brainrot ~

Other baby-related hcs: M6 when someone hands them a baby

The M6 when the child they have with you is an exact carbon copy of them

-- for the purpose of these headcanons and because I write for a gender-neutral reader, MC is pregnant with a baby that is equal parts their and their LI's DNA. This could have happened the traditional way (depending on how you envision your MC or if you headcanon your LI as trans), or simply by magical means. For my fellow trans men, seahorse dads are still dads! And to my fellow AO3 readers, mpreg is possible. Always. O.O --

Julian

For the first time in his life, he was well and truly speechless

And delighted. In fact, his speechlessness was because of the unforeseen tidal wave of joy that crashed over him as soon as you told him and it knocked all the air out of his lungs

Pulling you into an embrace as soon as he can move again and trembling with excitement: "Really? You're going to have my baby? We're going to be parents? I'm going to be a father? Haha!"

If he was bad about hovering before he's terrible about it now

Detailed research on all potential issues (which leads to him having crippling spirals over all the ways this could go wrong)

Auntie Pasha and Great-Grandma Mazelinka are here for it and so overwhelmingly supportive. It's hard to resist Julian's regular suggestions of bed rest because they make it so feasible

Mazelinka's soup was heavenly for your morning sickness

Julian collected at least three different remedies for every single pregnancy symptom you had and filled multiple notebooks with doctor's observations. Even down to tracking your sleep cycle

He also called in several favors to make sure that at least two other doctors would be available leading up to your due date - one for you and one for the baby. (he still insisted on being the main one)

He managed the birth impressively well - years of medical expertise kicked in and he went full "doctor" mode, keeping a cool head and open communication and anticipating every need

Until he held his child for the first time and had to sit down because his knees gave out. He has a whole new reason to live well

Asra

You know that panicked blushy face they make? Yeah, that was it

You briefly mistook it for horror - you know he likes surprises, but this is something else - but it was really his own panic at suddenly being plunged into a whole new world of emotion and instincts

Their first motion was to reach out and place their hand over your heart to confirm it through your bond, if only because they couldn't get their words to work and they needed that grounding touch

Once he's collected himself, he's over the moon. Is it terrifying? Sure, but it's also going to be the adventure of a lifetime, and it means building a new future and family with you! As parents!

They want to tell Aisha and Salim about it as soon as you're comfortable because they've done this before, they can help. And also because they’re going to be grandparents

Covers you with enchantments to keep you and the baby safe and happy and keeps a growing list of the most unhinged baby names to make you laugh. Faust likes to gently squeeze your bump

Makes every pregnancy craving you have and tries it with you, no matter how weird. He's got three years of practice being your caregiver and his patience for the mood swings is unending

Spends an hour every night with an ear against your baby bump, listening to them grow and thrive

Offers you every type of pain relief they can find. If not for your sake, then for theirs, because seeing you hurt makes them panic

Holds you the whole way through childbirth, no matter how messy, and stays so reassuring and supportive

Scared to hold the baby at first because he's so shaky from emotions. Won't put it down once he does

Nadia

The news is so unexpected that she just can't believe it at first

As in, her brain is genuinely incapable of immediately processing what you've just told her, so she just finishes her task before running it through her head a second time before it sinks in

The loudest gasp you've ever heard, you see her drop her teacup as her hands fly to cover her mouth and she stares at you in surprise

So happy. So, so, so very happy

She was never going to pressure you into having children. Between her driven nature and her ongoing loneliness, she'd resigned herself to never being a mother after marrying Lucio

But oh my! What a wonderful surprise! There's so much to do, she's slightly worried that nine months isn't going to be enough time

She sends for multiple physicians and invites several of them to live in the Palace through the pregnancy, and begins the interview process for your baby's pediatrician as well. She wants you healthy

Has the time of her life decorating the baby's future room and ends up getting so emotional looking at all the tiny clothes and shoes

Refuses to let you sleep by yourself. She doesn't want you to feel limited on a day-to-day basis at all, but she doesn't like you being alone for too long, especially during such quiet and precious hours

Prefers to hold off on giving her family any news or updates until she's had at least a few days to let it sink it. Each update she does send provokes a tidal wave of letters and advice and offers, not to mention Grandpa Namar's tear-stained letters of excitement

Has to hide sobs when she holds her child and announces its name

Muriel

Straight up disassociates. Not due to any fault of yours, it's just a lot. Especially given his own context for parenting (or lack thereof)

"Muriel, I'm pregnant." soul gets yoinked through the stratosphere

You know him well enough to expect him to need a moment, so you're not surprised when he shakily nods, takes a deep breath, and tells you he'll be back before dark before walking off into the trees

Deeply apologetic once he gets back because in hindsight ghosting you might not have been the most appropriate response

He's happy, if not deeply anxious, but he gets more and more excited with every pregnancy update

He makes the baby's crib himself, seeking out the tree with the best wood, chopping it up, designing and cutting the pieces, carving and sanding and painting them with the utmost care

As your due date gets closer he starts reverting to an old habit of his, waking up several times through the night with a need to keep watch for any dangers or discomforts and make sure you're warm

You wake up to this sometimes, with him sitting quietly next to you in bed, one large hand resting protectively on your belly, a quiet smile on his face as he stares at the cradle on the other side of the room and counts every tiny kick the baby lands on his warm palm

He doesn't hesitate to tell Asra, Nadia, (and yes, Julian) about your pregnancy, because he knows they'll be able to help you in ways he can't. Watching you in pain during birth is almost traumatic for him

Doesn't say a word when you hand him his baby, just looks back and forth between you and them in delight and awestruck joy

Portia

Screams. Legitimate, jaw dropped, lung-deep screaming

Yes it's because she's excited!!! You're pregnant! That's amazing!!

Funnily enough, she doesn't bring up telling anybody else until several weeks have gone by or until you suggest it. She's used to keeping secrets and this is so special she's still finding words for it

She's also more familiar with what pregnancy can look like, and she doesn't want to make any big announcements with you too early

Borderline obsessive about making sure that you're properly fed and cared for. She keeps every snack stocked, gives you massages every night, asks you about any symptoms and offers relief

She ends up inviting everyone over for dinner so you two can break the news to them together, and if one Devorak wasn't loud and emotional enough, two of them are almost too much for the roof

Mazelinka is quick to offer her services, whether that be bringing soup, taking you two (three?!) to Nevivon so the grandmas can help, grabbing one of the grandmas and bringing them here, etc

Pepi develops a new habit of bringing you stolen fish at least once a day to make sure your growing kitten is properly nourished. the smell doesn't help your morning sickness but you appreciate it

Portia cries every time she sits down to work on another onesie or baby blanket or cloth diaper, which is several times a day

When it's time for you to give birth, she holds your hands as tightly as you hold hers and nearly knocks a doctor out of the way to catch the baby

Full-on happy sobbing when she holds them. Gets jealous anytime someone besides you gets to hold them longer than her

Lucio

Assumes you're joking until you tell him otherwise because what

It's not that he's against it, but realistically speaking he knows that one of him is already a lot to handle. And you're cooking another??

Once you convince him, his exuberant yells startle flocks of birds from the treetops in a half-mile radius. Speaking of trees ...

You two are journeymen. Where are you going to settle down?

You end up picking a spot close enough to Vesuvia for your old friends to be able to help, in a town where you know you'll have a fresh start. Buying a cottage is hard when you're used to a palace

Lucio occasionally remembers his mother's comments about how her pregnancy with him made the Red Plague seem like a summer cold, and then he panics about how much pain you must be in

Sits bolt-upright in bed four months in to your pregnancy in a cold sweat because it just hit him that your belly bump is actually an entire tiny human that's half him and half you and it's miraculous

Starts talking to your bump almost constantly after that

Everything from what the dogs are doing, to the right way to start a fire, to the best types of cookies - he's telling it all to the bump

Does he know, logically, that your baby isn't likely to be born missing an arm because of his amputation? Yes. Does he still have an irrational fear of that happening? Also yes.

Has such a hard time controlling his frustration during the birth when you're in pain and there's nothing he can do about it

Wraps his golden arm in a baby blanket and doesn't care about the mess the first time he holds them and presses a kiss to their head

[photographerstanheight]

FIRST DEAD BODY I'VE EVER SEEN...

THEY LOOK DIFFERENT IN REAL LIFE. THEY DON'T MOVE.

Hi. I'm Adam. Adam Stanheight. 26 years old. He/Him, what else do I say... I got no goddamn clue what I am. Bi? Gay? Pan? Don't give a shit. Women are cool. Men are fucking great. Like all those kinds of people. I'm that one guy, you probably know me, from that fucking bathroom shithole or whatever. It fucking sucked. ...And now I'm here. Posting on some random website I thought was interesting, plus it's full of freaks to make fun of. What will I post exactly? No fucking idea. Cats, photos I've taken, maybe some death threats to Jigsaw... By the way Jigsaw go kill yourself. Old Prick. Anyway. Do whatever. I really don't give a shit, you wanna talk? Talk. You wanna send memes? Send memes. Make sure they're fucking funny. You wanna whine to me about how sad your sorry life is? Go right ahead. I'm not a therapist so I'll probably laugh in your face.

Everyone shut the fuck up we have a fucking art fridge now this is a new addition yes I’m serious

Art 1. (Mr Millipede ily /p)

Art 2. (Aka me kissing billy its canon)

Art 3. (Smiling friends… smiling friends save me…)

Art 4. (Me and the HOMIE!!! A COUPLE OF BFFSSS!!! Unless… WHO SAID THAT!!!!)

By the way look at my cool ass cat. Her name is Mabel.

OOC UNDER THE CUT

Frowns... Hi chat... It's me... Dew... Sighs....... I have been uncovered from the depths of hell.... sad face emoji... but hi :,]

I'm sure all my mutuals will come swarming so i'm not gonna go thru the whole junk ab pronouns or whatnot ugh... he/him just in case. also don't be weird. I am an adult and yeaes ... so yeah if i see age below 18 i will nawt be doing weird 18+ stuff BITES OWN ARM OFF

But heeeeeyyyy, I'm a chainshipping, rustynailshipping and yapping FREAK so i made this to hopefully hang out w chatters... but also i wanna bother the fuck outta apprentices and other people sorry not sorry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Erm.. what else... my writing of Adam will be that he's trans!!!!! Omg ur transgener... That is so cool... He has top surgery but not bottom surgery,, guh... girl queen pussy boss....

AAAAnd I think I'm gonna let a bit of my chaos out so expect poootentially sooome sexual schtuffs?? Yours truly has some sillies in mind as a hypersexual loser like myself... I won't make it his whole personality tho idk :P

How did Adam get out of the trap? I don't fucking know and I am too goddamn lazy to think of it rn. I'll post tho when I actually can think , puts splinters in my eyes

Tags... lame. Whatever yapyap i'm a loser and i like 2 b fan see

|📸| ~ 𝑴𝑶𝑫 𝑻𝑨𝑳𝑲𝑺. - ya boy is yapping

|📸| ~ 𝑨𝑫𝑨𝑴 𝑨𝑵𝑺𝑾𝑬𝑹𝑺. - ask replies ofc

|📸| ~ 𝑨𝑫𝑨𝑴𝑺 𝑰𝑵𝑻𝑬𝑹𝑨𝑪𝑻𝑰𝑶𝑵𝑺. - hes talking to people waoah,...

|📸| ~ 𝑨𝑫𝑨𝑴𝑺 𝑹𝑨𝑴𝑩𝑳𝑰𝑵𝑮𝑺. - he's talking!!!!! just for fun

|📸| ~ 𝑷𝑯𝑶𝑻𝑶𝑮𝑹𝑨𝑷𝑯𝑺. - beginning to roleplays perhaps idk i just like to have them

anyway erm... face reveal!!!!

[monotonous-minutia]

Arabella (Berlin, 2023) reactions, pt. 3

I want to do a TW for blood in this one while I know blood is ubiquitous, expected, and encouraged in opera generally, but this is a different kind that might be uncomfortable or upsetting. starts at 4 pictures down. picture #8 onward it's not as bad.

okay let's finish this!

not back to normal. what followed was...a lot it was powerful for sure but I'm not sure how they're going to fit it into the way the finale here works

I miss her pretty dresses

glossing over kind of a lot here because they make Mandryka actually mean and I'm pretending that didn't happen

okay this is a LOT a lot it's too much to capture here but it was kind of like they combined the original more traditional concept with the current modern one and it didn't work but also it did?

okay here's where the TW starts

and we're back to "let's cover our soprano bois with blood" but it actually means something this time sure was a wallop tho

we've moved past the random weirdness into something really meaningful it's hitting me in so many places I don't know where to start

the romantic storylines have a lot going for them but I really think this opera is about these two

coming out to your crush and your sister in a most dramatic way but it's going pretty good

mom and dad are cool with it too but can someone get this kid a medic

pretending some of the other stuff (not pictured) didn't happen so I can believe in how cute this is now

just! amazing!!

water fights are always fun

YESSS!!!!

okay this was a WILD RIDE to be sure. I'm still a befuddled over parts of it. but I can hardly believe this ending. ninety years ago Strauss and Hofmannsthal wrote a trans opera and someone is finally admitting that. I'm probably going to take some time to process all this but holy shit!

thank you @normallyparenthetical i think my life is changed forever

[nogenderbee]

♡˗ˏ✎*ೃ˚ 𝕐𝕒𝕟𝕕𝕖𝕣𝕖 𝔸, 𝔻, 𝔼, 𝔽, ℤ ₊˚ˑ༄

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ anon request: I shall request for a Yandere Alphabet headcanons:

A, D, E, F, and Z with Mafuyu and Ena

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ Okeyy~ So happy to see alphabet is still something people are interested in because oh my gosh I love writing it!! Anwyay, hope you like it!

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ TW: yandere behavior, unhealthy obsession, mental and physical abuse, kidnapping, manipulation, mentions and descriptions of death

✧ Abuse = Could they ever hurt you physically or mentally? What would be the reason?

Mafuyu already set her goal to protect you, thinking you're too pure for this world... it's gonna be hard to make her hurt you in any way when she wants to protect you. But not impossible...

When you disobey her words and for example go out alone, she'll show you herself what the means when she said the world is cruel. She doesn't mind using any kind of blades, even fire... she's good from chemistry too so might use it as well... she's not gonna kill you. But she'll only stop when you end up crying and admitting YOU were wrong.

"I'm just showing you that this world is indeed brutal and you need my protection. Most won't give you a break this easily. You see my point now?"

✧ Difference = When can you notice different behavior in them?

Depending on what Mafuyu you know, you'll notice different traits in her over time.

If you knew her as the "good girl", you'll notice she's appearing in your life more and more often and sometimes her eyes just... go dark for no reason... it's weird she's so cheerful but around you she sometimes breaks into emotionless state without even realizing it, blaming it on tiredness...

I'd you know her from her real self tho, you'll notice how she's claiming her life suddenly has meaning now that you're here. Even Nightcord will tell you they're worried about their friend if you contact them... And she really is staring at you with those empty eyes as if you couldn't make any millimeter move without her noticing.

"Me? Weird? Oh no, you must be imagining! I'm simply tired. Don't worry you're little head about me... instead, may I ask if I can join you on lunch break?"

✧ Enjoy = Do they enjoy what they're doing to you, your life and people around you? Do they show it?

Mafuyu doesn't even realize what she's doing is bad. She's finally feeling emotions and she's sure it's love! And love is a good feeling, right? She's not even aware that something like loving TOO much exists...

So you could say she's indeed enjoying what she's doing. She's just protecting you... and if she can gain some feelings and meaning alongside, why should that be a bad thing?

"I simply love you. That'd it, isn't it? When you feel like your heart's gonna shread to pieces if you see the person you love hurt. I'm sure that's it."

✧ Force = Are they willing to force you into loving them? How will they do it?

Mafuyu doesn't get emotions much herself... so no, she's not gonna force you to love her. All she cares about is your trust and obedience. If she can get that, she'll have no reason to force you into anything.

Well... if she can't force you trust and obey her tho... she might be a bit forceful... maybe she can't keep you hostage at home because of her mother, but that's why she has her SEKAI. She'll keep you there, not knowing how many days have passed. Other Nighrcord members can't even get in the SEKAI because she told Miku to not let anyone in and out except for herself. When you're in such a creepy place for so long... might as well obey her, right?

"You'll understand one day... I'm doing all of this for your own good. I'd you just learn to trust my words, you're gonna me truly safe and happy, all thanks to me.."

✧ Zealous = If everything fails, will they be able to kill their partner?

Mafuyu's not gonna kill you, she wouldn't be able to do that... but she won't be able to let go either. She's simply gonna keep you in her SEKAI forever. Maybe make a little comfu corner for you so you won't go crazy completely... of course she'll visit you with games and food... and she knows you don't have any choice but accept it because you have no one else than her.

"Oh? I'm afraid I won't believe your lies again. Not after the 'You're a monster' speech. Now you're stuck here, because it's the only place where no one can hurt you."

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

@bleachtheidiot @prsk-krow @modyuki @virtualpoison @miguelito-maruti-blog @bl4cktourmaline @nenes-numberonefan - come get your aquarium lover~

✧ Abuse = Could they ever hurt you physically or mentally? What would be the reason?

Ena doesn't even like the thought of hurting you physically! How could she ever damage that precious skin of yours when you're already so cute it'd be a crime?

As for mental abuse tho... if she'll have to, she doesn't mind... It's your fault for saying harsh words for her when she's just trying to love you! Now, she'll drop a harsh comment on everything you do basically.

"You're eating like that?! Ugh... you should let me teach you hi ow to way elegantly! I'm your girlfriend after all, I have no problem teaching you that."

✧ Difference = When can you notice different behavior in them?

It was actually quite easy to notice something changed in Ena if you saw how she behaved around others before... She was so much more clingier and annoyed with you at the same time... usually it's one but with you? It's both!

She's usually clingy, but OVERALLY clingy... even her friends told you she rambled about you all the time but get's annoyed whenever someone talks about you! Similar rule goes for you... as long as you talk about her and you, and only that, she'll be calm.

"Y/N! Let's hold hands while walking~ I want to take few cute photos for me socials!"

✧ Enjoy = Do they enjoy what they're doing to you, your life and people around you? Do they show it?

You bet Ena's enjoying every second of it~ She just knows what she wants! And she's not afraid to make it known. Especially when it comes to you!

And she's not afraid to show it either... by it by straightly telling you she's upset, being a bit mean for next few days or any other form... she'll make sure you know very well why she's upset at you and what she wants at the moment.

"I don't want you talking with them! Of course I'm straightforward!! There's nothing to hide when I know you'll treat my worries and doubts seriously..."

✧ Force = Are they willing to force you into loving them? How will they do it?

Ena actually had it planned even before she claimed you as yours! To be honest... she became so clingy so others won't try to get close to you as everyone will think you two are together! And it just stayed because she enjoyed being this clingy a bit too much~

But later on, she plans on not letting you away by step~ So you'll have no other choice but accept her presence, that alone should make you fall, right? And if not... she's ready to block EVERYONE on every socials you have except for her. Be it millions of people... and she doesn't care how much it takes her... she will be the only one you see and can interact with~

"Here I found your phone from our last sleepover! Yeah I know it was like 3 days ago but at least you have it back and don't need to buy new one! It'd be a waste after all!"

✧ Zealous = If everything fails, will they be able to kill their partner?

Ena trears "till death do us part" a bit too literally... She goes with classic yandere rule "if she can't have you, no one fan". So of course, once you make it clear there's no way for you two to live together and that you hate her, she sees no hope for peaceful life without getting her hands dirty...

She wants the two of you to die at the same time, by the same weapon tho... so she might prepare some easier mechanism that'll go through both of you at the same time when she gives you last kiss while you can do nothing because of ropes tying you~

"Shh~ Soon everything will be fine. And the end won't even hurt, I promise! Now close your eyes and let me hear your voice one last time~"

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

@bleachtheidiot @prsk-krow @modyuki @virtualpoison @miguelito-maruti-blog @qxmmi - come get your cheesecake lover!

[ibelieveinthejrsupremecy]

‼️EMERGENCY POST‼️

I might potentially be homeless in a week! I don't have enough money to rent any place and I'm trying to reach out to friends and even co-workers for help, tips on this blog would be appreciated!

I'm 21 years old (until November of this year), I'm a trans man, and I'm getting kicked out by two emotionally abusive narcs and I desperately need help financially if I can't find a place to live. At this point, it feels like a life or death situation because I am losing hope for anything in life. Existing is just hard and if I can't find any help, I know I'm gonna do something stupid to myself.

TW: talk of transphobia, self-unaliving/harming thoughts, and emotional/psychological abuse under the cut.

I have been living with these two people for almost 3 years and I have been nothing but miserable. Initially they wanted to help me get on my feet but things changed when they found out I am trans. They have made transphobic comments such as "Do you have a dick between your legs?" "Are you sure you aren't just confused or genderfluid?" "Its your persona, not the real you" and more.

I have attempted to reach out to others about this, but they "don't want to pick sides" and let it happen. I have never felt more alone than I did.

Struggling with chronic depression and anxiety, I tend to lose motivation to even do the simplest things. Things like; showers, brushing my teeth, getting out of bed, remembering to do chores. That has gotten me into issues with my two roommates, always making me feel bad about those things. And when I attempted to explain myself, they would always say "We brought you in when your mom told you to move out, you should be grateful. We work full time jobs, you have more off time than us for being part time, you shouldn't be struggling to remember to do chores. You're lazy, irresponsible, you hardly do anything to help yourself and always say 'oh I forgot' all the time."

They tell me that I take advantage of their kindness and generosity. When I first started to live with them, they say they "allowed" me to cut my hair when I first did it, as if I had no say in what I did with my own body.

Everytime I was happy and in a good mood and said something, they pointed out that it was weird and stupid to say. They constantly made me feel bad whenever I expressed about being in a good mood over something I enjoyed. Everytime they're around, I always felt uncomfortable in their presence like I was walking on eggshells. Just their mere presence always made me uncomfortable.

It's only recently that I started to think of relapsing with self-harm, something I haven't done in probably 8 years? I do have a blade that I use as a self defense going to and from work. I haven't tho, thankfully, but I still think and consider it. I also started to think "things would be better if I was just gone. The people that I live with hate me, so it's a good idea" and thinking that scares me. I don't trust myself to be alone anymore. And if I do end up on the streets, I know I'll do something stupid because it would basically feel like I got nothing to lose.

I used to get so angry whenever they said or did any of these things. But living with them for this long, I'm just tired and more depressed than ever, and today was the final straw.

Today marks the day that they gave me an ultimatum; get my shit together in order to stay or get kicked out. So please, if you're willing to give me a tip on this blog, I would appreciate that a lot because now every. Penny. Counts.

[scoutpologist]

brain worms got to me so. how the tf classes and their overwatch counterparts would feel about each other. i just got into tf2 so this might not be Super accurate but i'm going off vibes so whatever.

spy and sombra: i'm getting begrudging respect from spy and probably annoyance or dislike from sombra. they can get along, sure, but they probably wouldn't seek each other out voluntarily. just the mutual knowledge they'd stab each other in the back to protect themselves but also knowing they probably won't have to do that.

spy and echo (bc she duplicates ppl): echo would learn a lot from him and i think they'd actually end up liking each other somewhat! she's too polite and genuinely earnest for him to dislike her, and i can't see echo really HATING anyone. he'd give her social skills lessons and she'd have fun putting her lessons to use, then running back to him to ask how she did.

demoman and junkrat: they'd blow each other up and laugh about it together, no hard feelings at all. these two are the type to literally attack each other with cartoon hammers just to see the other person squashed all funny like a pancake. LOTS of respawns here. inseparable.

soldier and pharah: she'd be annoyed by him because of his... well, his everything, but he'd probably have a lot of respect for her, especially since she has a much easier time rocket jumping and can actually fly for short bursts. he's like an annoying dog that she can't get away from.

sniper and widow: they would never talk to each other. this is a silent conversation. nothing is going on here. they wouldn't even work together because they're both snipers and they'd move the hell across the map away from each other. mutual respect but they have literally never spoken.

heavy and zarya: oh they'd be besties 0 doubt about it, two huge strong russian mercenaries with giant fucking weapons? nah they're best friends. catch them wrestling at any hour of the day just for shits and giggles. also one of the loudest pairs ever if you get them going.

engineer and torbjorn: probably good friends who work together well. engineer seems like he'd be good with kids and he would probably be really sweet with torb's family. engie is very calm and could balance out torbs intense energy well, plus they're both VERY technically competent which creates a lot of respect. overall buddies.

scout and tracer: i think they'd honestly hit it off!! scout to me gives off a sort of... idk what a fag hag is for lesbians but that's what he is to me. they'd race and she'd win every time if she was trying but sometimes she lets him get it just to make him feel better. he probably gets a crush on either her or emily for a few months.

pyro and mei: hot take, i think pyro would fucking adore mei. she's so sweet and sunshine and rainbows, how could they not? they'd bond over a mutual love of cute things and would be very playful with each other, but mei would be kind of weirded out and scared by how much pyro genuinely seems to LIKE burning people alive. they would def be friendly tho.

medic and mercy: honestly, i think mercy would feel about him like she does moira - a genuine respect and awe for his work, but total revulsion at the way he does it. nonetheless, he actually cares for his teammates in a way moira does not, so she'd like him for that. i think medic would like her but think she's a bit of a coward or her heart isn't in it (the second half which is literally true). they could work together, but they'd constantly try to influence each other in a way that would become a very annoying power struggle over time.

medic and ana (bc of uber/nano): she'd hate him. she'd literally kill him in his sleep if she could. she'd avoid him at all fucking costs. she does not like this guy and mercy would be stuck trying to keep them apart so he doesn't innocently ask a question about her tech or something and end up sleep darted in the hallway.

[cornbread-but-minecraft]

What I Don't Like About Minecraft's Modern Music Part 1 - The Nether Update

hey, would you look at that! i'm actually making a post i said i was going to make. that almost never happens. anyway, i have a lot of opinions on minecraft's music, especially how it's been handled in recent (-ish) updates, so i figured i'd make a post series about it.

we'll be going update-by-update, just to make things simpler and a bit more future-proof. each post will be split into four sections, those being:

The Music Itself,

How it's Used In-Game,

How it's Broken on Bedrock Edition, and

How it Affects Cornbread's Music Fixer (my resource pack).

this will be, in no way, a full collection of all my thoughts on the subject, especially since they keep changing as the game itself does. but it will be my general feelings. anyway

The Music Itself

it's good.

wow. what an original take. no-one's ever enjoyed the nether update soundtrack before.

okay, but actually, yeah. music's really good. i don't really have much to say about the music's quality other than that. it's probably the only soundtrack in the past few years that straight-up has no misses. i do have some critiques tho.

firstly, very odd choice to center the new music so heavily around piano when C418's existing nether music has so much emphasis on other instruments. it's especially noticeable with rubedo. rubedo is probably the closest this album gets to being not very good.

chrysopoeia and so below seem to just kinda start their main melodies without any kind of fade-in, which (spoilers) isn't something i really like in the newer soundtracks. buuuut, i think it actually kinda works here. both tracks start with a not insignificant period of ambience before the main melody really kicks in, so, by the time you've noticed that the track is playing, it's already been playing for at least half a minute.

it especially helps that the nether itself received a lot of ambience in this update. it ensures that the tracks are never starting up from complete silence, which is a big part of the problem with tracks like bromeliad, for example. but i'm getting ahead of myself. also, pretend i'm not overusing the word 'especially', pretty please.

pigstep is in a noticeably different genre to all the previous music discs, a trend that would continue for years to come. i do not understand music genres enough to explain just how they're different, but they are. like a lot. not sure how i feel about this.

How it's Used In-Game

the nether update is the first* to have biome-specific music, and i (mostly) think it did it wonderfully. chrysopoeia and so below fit their biomes really really well. all the new biomes play and feel so distinct from each other it'd probably feel weirder if they didn't have biome-specific music.

and that's where my praise of this soundtrack ends.

let's start with the second-biggest thing and move our way up: the nether update added four new biomes and three new music tracks.

but fine. warped forests don't play music, so obviously they don't need their own track. so that leaves three new (music-playing) biomes and three new music tracks. that's one new track per biome, right?

no.

rubedo is exclusive to the nether wastes. the biome that was already there. the biome that is already heavily associated with C418's nether music. the biome C418's nether music was written for.

i feel like they should have had lena write a new track for the basalt deltas instead. as it stands, basalt deltas share their soundtrack with soul sand valleys. and we know the music is for soul sand valleys because java edition gave each one of these new tracks their own folder and so below's folder is named 'soulsand_valley'.

but if i'm being honest, all that up there really isn't that big of a deal. it's just a little weird. but the second thing i want to touch on actually is really bad and is kinda why rubedo's existence is such an issue for me.

each biome in the nether plays one biome track from the nether update and all four general nether tracks from volume beta... in theory. in actuality, the volume beta tracks almost never play because the game is set up so that each biome is almost twice as likely to play their one biome track than any of the four general nether tracks. i don't just mean any individual general nether track - i mean all four of them as a unit.

i can understand what they were going for. since the general nether tracks play almost anywhere in the nether, they probably just wanted to make sure that the biome tracks had more of a chance, since they only play in their respective biomes. but the exact chances they chose are simply way too much in the nether update's favor.

even the nether wastes, which give their biome track (rubedo) a weight of 6 instead of the usual 7, are still dominated by their one, single biome track. C418's dimension-defining music became a rarity all throughout the nether. and it makes what was once the best soundtrack in the game very, very repetitive and grating.

*i say the nether update was the first to have biome-specific music, but that's not actually entirely true. underwater music is also technically biome-specific, but it's much more known for being exclusive to the underwater than to any specific group of biomes. also, technically, it wasn't added to bedrock edition until the nether update, which i will be talking about soon.

like, right now.

How it's Broken on Bedrock Edition

okay, i lied. well, no. i said something misleading. (well, actually, i typed something misleading). basically, i'm not going to be talking about underwater music just yet. i will instead be talking about nether music first, and then underwater music. since this is the nether update post.

for some context, before the nether update, bedrock edition played all of its music at 10% to 30% volume, depending on the track. nether music specifically was played at 15% volume.

contrast this with java edition, which played all of its music at 100% volume. when java edition received the nether update soundtrack and fucked it up in all the ways i've already described previously in the post, it decided to play its new tracks at 50% volume, since the files themselves are so much louder than the existing C418 tracks.

how do you think bedrock edition handled this?

they could've done some math and decided to play the new tracks at 7.5% volume, since that's 50% of 15%. they could have doubled the volume of the existing nether music and had the new music play at 15% volume to keep the numbers round, and they almost did, but not quite.

see, this was around the time where parity was starting to become something important, so instead of adapting the java edition solution to work with bedrock edition, they just completely copied it, playing C418's nether tracks at 100% volume and lena's at 50%.

they did not change the volume of the rest of the music.

so this left the game in a situation where overworld and end music played at 10% to 30% volume and nether music played at 50% to 100% volume, which is a really big difference, but at least you had to change dimensions to hear it, so it's not as noticeable, right?

no. i misled you again.

during development, the soul sand valleys were internally referred to as 'soulsand valleys', with soulsand as one word. this is incorrect, so java edition ended up changing it before release. bedrock edition usually doesn't see the point in changing internal IDs (case in point, the flattening is ongoing as i type this in the year 2024), so it didn't do this. it did, however, change the name of the sound event the biome uses as music.

another thing bedrock edition doesn't like doing is fully removing features. so, when i say they changed the name of 'music.game.soulsand_valley' to write soul sand as two words, what i actually mean is they added a new sound event for that.

this new sound event is the one that got fixed up before release.

yet another thing bedrock edition doesn't like doing is having a biome's internal ID not match the name of the sound event it uses as music. i think you can see where i'm going with this. bedrock edition uses an outdated sound event for soul sand valley music.

remember when i said the bedrock team 'almost played the new nether tracks at 15% volume'? yeah, this is what i meant. 'music.game.soulsand_valley' plays so below at 15% volume.

so, to recap all of that, in version 1.16, the nether update, bedrock edition plays all of its music - menu, overworld, end, creative mode, dragon fight, end poem, etcetera - at 10% to 30% volume (really quiet), except for nether music, which it plays at 50% to 100% volume (really fucking loud), except for soul sand valley music, which it plays at 15% volume like the rest of the game! soul sand valleys are even inconsistent with basalt deltas, which are supposed to have an identical soundtrack.

did i mention that the outdated soul sand valley music sound event doesn't play any of C418's tracks like it's supposed to?

underwater music! is a lot simpler to explain.

basically, on bedrock edition, underwater music plays at 20% volume. this is technically within bedrock's previous range. it's just really loud. not loud enough to be in parity with java edition (which plays underwater music at 40% volume), but definitely loud enough to be noticeably inconsistent with other overworld music.

i simply wouldn't have chosen 20% volume, is what i'm saying.

How it Affects Cornbread's Music Fixer

it wouldn't be a me post if i didn't mention this pack at least a little bit, would it?

okay, so technically, the pack didn't exist until sometime after the wild update, but leaving both this and the caves and cliffs soundtrack until the wild update post would just be a lot, so i'm going to be talking about how this pack deals with nether and underwater music right now, as well as the history of those.

the very earliest versions of this pack were very bare bones. i didn't even notice the volume of music was inconsistent at the time, i just wanted swamp music to be less everywhere. but, version 1.0.0 did still change nether music a little bit, in that it made C418's tracks more prominent.

first things i did were i made soul sand valley music consistent with basalt deltas, and then i lowered the weights of chrysopoeia and so below from 7 to 4. this gives the game a 50-50 chance of playing either the biome's biome track or one of C418's general nether tracks, so that the new biomes still predominantly play their own unique music without being irritatingly repetitive.

i didn't want to remove rubedo completely, so i just lowered its weight to 1, so that it still plays, but with a 20% chance and not vanilla's 60%. this makes the nether wastes predominantly C418's volume beta music, as it should be.

fun fact: when i was first porting this pack to java edition, i actually forgot to tweak the weights of the nether music and had to fix it in a patch, so that's why the earliest version on modrinth is 1.0.1 and not 1.0.0.

it took me a while after that for me to change the volume to make it consistent with other music. odd, since that quickly became a major feature of the pack. but eventually, i did one of the things i suggested mojang do earlier in the post: i changed the volume of C418's nether music to 30% and lena's nether music to 15%. (well, in the bedrock style of the pack. eventually, i split the pack into bedrock and java "styles" that are separate from the edition any given release of the pack is for).

at the same time, i lowered underwater music to 10% volume. (also in bedrock style only). and that's how nether and underwater music have stayed in this pack all the way to the current version 1.4.1.

---

oof that was a long post. took me multiple days to write it and it's probably going to end up being one of the shorter ones in this series. or maybe not since i have to explain a bunch of context in this one that i won't have to later. idk ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[sentientgopro]

So, the other day, I told the first other person I know IRL that I cracked, over a month after it happened, and it was, well, weird.

The reason for it being this person in particular was that I know, damn well, they get it. Hell, they're a massive egg themselves, their words, not mine. So I knew if I was gonna tell anyone, they had to be first.

I didn't wanna outright bring it up to them if I could avoid it, so I started with small hints every now and again, like being a little too careless with keeping my phone close to me while I had an r/egg_irl or r/traaaaaa... post on my feed. They commented on it when they saw egg irl, I told them Im not an egg, they looked at me as if to say "yeaahhh sure about that buddy" and I followed up by saying an egg is someone who hasn't realised it, And I realised a month ago.

Idk if I wasn't clear enough, it was kinda loud in the room, of whether they thought I was joking, but they didn't really react to it at the time.

It wasn't until we went on a walk to get lunch a week or so later, and they kinda got into something a bit personal out of the blue, and it really set the tone of "we dont normally talk about shit but we can do that right now." As it goes, the thing they were talking about could feed kinda well into me being more upfront with what I was trying to say. I repeated the same "Im not an egg" trick I did last time but clearer, and we had a back and forth exchange of

"But In a cis way right?"

"No."

"But in a-"

"No."

"...

...

...But in a-"

"no."

and it kinda seemed to catch them off guard a bit, being so upfront with what I was saying. As I said, they say themself that they're a massive egg, as a joke, ofcourse. But I think they were so suprised by me doing that because they feel the same way but are down so many layers deep in "in a cis way, still cis tho". And it kinda makes me wonder if me being so upfront and honest with myself about it will help them be honest to themself. Either way, I feel like I'm starting to read too much into someone elses emotions and make assumptions based on nothing.

Other than the initial suprise, they didn't really react much and have much else to say, and I really think thats a good outcome? Like, they get my situation, I can't start transitioning for a while, so they understand that I'm not really trans yet, Im just telling them how I feel, and kinda reacted like that was the case. The most they said was when I was talking about how I just kinda gotta manage it for now until I can move out and they said "Fuck it, we ball" and I was just like. Exactly, you get exactly what I mean.

So its weird, because while it feels like a massive deal to me and feels kinda anticlimactic, I dont really want to be treated like its a massive deal yet? Because really, nothing has or will change for a long time, and thats part of the reason I havent come out to more people yet, because its just gonna be awkward to continue like I never said anything afterwards. But this was good.

So, this has been a fairly aimless log just generally talking about my first experience kinda coming out as trans (not my first experience of coming out, plenty of people know Im Ace) so I wanted to write down my thoughts on it. After so many posts like this, it still feels kinda silly, but I guess the whole point of blogs is that theyre kinda like public diaries? idk.

Its also worth noting this was part of one of my 3 goals for this year, to start kinda coming out to people. I doubt Ill tell anyone else, maybe one other person I can trust, but idk. As for the other 2, I really havent made a great deal of progress with planning my transition, but thats fine, its January. As for "100%ing Celeste to the best of my ability?" Kind already done after 40hrs and just over a month of having it. I thought thatd take me alot longer lmfao. So, update to that one, lets say, Strawberry Jam done up to expert lobby? Sure, why not.

[cantsaythetword]

I know it’s a lot but could I have A D H J K L P T V and Y for tony stark 👉👈❤️

HOLY SHIT thanks Teddy XD you absolutely can!

This is a long one so imma put it under the cut

A: Aftercare | What is their aftercare like after a heavy round of tickling?:)

If Tony is on the receiving end, most of the time he'll pass tf out. He's a sleepy man, and often doesn't get the chance (or, more accurately, his brain doesn't shut up for him) to actually relax.

If he's on the giving end, he'll grab blankets for them and make sure they're as comfy as possible, and give them water/hugs/snacks til they've recovered.

D: Death Spot | What is their most ticklish spot?

I 100% believe Tony has ridiculously ticklish knees hehe.

H: Habits | As a lee/ler or both, do they have specific habits when it comes to tickling?

As a Lee, Tony makes a lot of odd noises (e.g. yelps, snorts, hiccups, etc) when he gets tickled. He also scrunches his face a lot, but never really curls in on himself.

As a Ler, Tony will ALWAYS use his beard to tickle his victim's neck. He'll nuzzle into the crevace and make those little fake growls and roars (think 'grrrrr' or 'raaaaah', idk how else to explain it)

J: Joy | Their absolute favorite thing about tickling?

Tony just loves making the people he cares about laugh.

If he's the one getting tickled, he likes the way it turns his brain off.

K: Killer Move | As a ler, do they have special skills to use against their lees and drive them crazy with?

I mean like I said earlier he uses his beard A LOT. He'll also use JARVIS as part of his teases (e.g. if you said please while he's tickling you he'd be like 'JARVIS how many times has ___ said please?' and after JARVIS responds he'd be like 'and yet you still haven't told me what you're pleading for? what's up wit that?').

L: Laughter | What does their laughter sound like when they are tickled?

I also kind of already answered this one as well lmao. Once you get him going it's lots of weird non-laugh sounds mixed in with super yelpy high-pitched laughing. If it's light tickles he'll have a much deeper laugh tho.

P: Partner In Crime | If they were to go after a lee and accept the aid of a tickle partner, who do they prefer to join hands with and why?

He loooooves teaming up with Thor. Partially due to his strength, but also Thor's a natural tease without even trying to. He'll comment on every reaction the lee makes with pure joy, and that mixed with Tony's sarcastic quips makes a ruthless tease combination.

T: Teasing | Their most favorite methods of teasing their lee/ler?

I really need to stop writing so much for these questions cause I keep answering them lmao. The JARVIS thing, sarcastic 'oh stop? you need me to stop? well no can do!' kind of teasing, that sort of thing hehe.

V: Victim | As a ler, who is their favorite lee and what makes this person their ultimate victim?

Bruce Banner 100%. For one he has such an adorable little squeaky laugh and he curls up and doesn't even defend himself Tony finds it so cute. Plus, it continuously proves to Bruce that Tony isn't scared of him and in fact really likes him.

He's also super easy to fluster.

Y: YOU | Any personal self- or reader-insert tickle fantasy / headcanon to share with this character?

I guess this entire thing is kind of a self headcanon?

As for tickle fantasy ahhhhh.... really calling me out here Teddy 😅😅 uh... I guess it would mostly be the teasing stuff. I'm a firm believer in the teases make the tickles, so if i were to do a self insert it would for sure be focused around super teasy tickles hehe.

Hope life is treating you well my friend

[hunter-sylvester]

1, 8, 16, 17 & 22? For the choose violence ask game ✨

-cracks knuckles- let's go

(I got so fucking rambly I put in a cut so this doesn't clog everybody's dash lmao)

01. The character everyone gets wrong

It depends. My first thought was Hunter Sylvester. But I do see a lot of takes I agree with. I definitely wouldn't say everyone gets him wrong. I guess it's closer to maybe being about 50/50? But he's the character I've seen people get the most wrong I think. To the point where I wonder what fucking movie they watched cause it's not Metal Lords 2022 I know that much. The "he wouldn't say that" is strong.

The other answer would be Riley Finn (btvs) I guess. Because he is WIDELY hated by the fandom and there are just some scenes that I find really endearing. He has shitty moments, sure. He does. I'm not blind to those, nor do I excuse them. (Ultimatums are never ok!) But it feels like most of the fandom hates EVERYTHING about him and there is just an endearing quality to him for me. It's weird because my favorite Buffy character is Spike and it's not like Riley even makes it into my top 10. I don't love him as a character but I just...kinda like him?? Which is already in pretty stark contrast to most of the fandom I feel lol There is just something quite sweet about that goody two shoes soldier boy who's stressing out because everything he's ever been told is true and correct is crumbling around him. It's particularly the scene where he's helping Xander move that really does it for me I think. (I know you've been watching through Buffy for the first time and I don't think you've gotten to it yet so I'm trying not to be too spoilery) But yeah, I don't even have that strong of a defense of him at all. Again, I just…kinda like him. (disclaimer it's been a WHILE since my last watch-through, do not come for me)

08. Common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about

Eddie being a top/Dom. I have literally nothing to back that opinion up other than I prefer Bottom!Eddie + Top!Steve. I know I'm kinda the one that's wrong on this one but...I like what I like. And I shall be delusional about it lol

This one's not super common but tiny fandom so eh I don't see where people remotely get the idea that Hunter is into Clay. Nor vice versa to be honest. I don't think they're particularly on each other's radar one way or another. At most I feel like Clay would be like "he's kind of a dick...hope he's okay tho" (like after the party particularly) And I feel like Hunter forgets Clay exists when he's not actively standing in front of him.

16. you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc)

I must preface this by saying I have NO ISSUE what so ever with polyamory. It's all good, there should be more rep and the societal bullshit stigma needs to go. That being said... I just don't like poly skullflower, personally. It's not for me. I don't see it. I don't get it.

Also x reader anything I just can't and I don't get why people like it but to each their own.

17. there should be more of this type of fic/art

Basically any fanart of Metal Lords, preferably Hunter (obviously). But I'll take pretty much anything T-T I would love to have more Metal Lords fics to read too but I'm extremely picky about Hunter's characterization so I don't even know what to say I want more of, we'd be here all day lol

22. Your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores

I guess I truly don't think I've seen anybody else acknowledge that Kevin is a Fallout fan. Not necessarily my "favorite part of canon" or anything but I genuinely don't think I've seen anybody talk about it. And I do like it, I think it's really fun. (I was going to say Hunter's anxiety initially but I don't know if that is technically canon?? Or if the jacket thing (just the idea of it being one jacket not the whole scenario lol) can be counted as canon. Or even if Hunter being in love with Kevin can be considered canon. It's how Adrian played Hunter but it wasn't in the script. I would consider that canon but it's not widely ignored so...Fallout.)

Thank you so much for sending these 🤘 (And I'm so sorry it got SO wordy asjdlkalsjl)

From this ask game.

[jamespottersdaisy]

I did more or less finish my homework and decided to reread the first part of dulcet cause I'm half asleep and I wanna be fully invested when I read the new part. so I thought you might want to know what I was thinking.

I really like the banter it feels really natural and it always makes it feel like you're waiting for something to happen cause behind the smugness there's something that we all know what it is and it wants to be left free, preferably under the rain at night in a quiet neighbourhood with both people being angry and shouting and then kissing suddenly (I'm listening to the way I love you can you tell)

what I love more is that they're academic rivals and they get paired for things and have this rivalry when taking tests. being a person that gets good grades and makes an effort for it and then having the added bonus of competing with someone it's the best feeling cause who doesn't love competing. especially with boys because I wouldn't want to feel better over a women's failure. a boy's? sure, they make lots of errors. what's one more.

moving onto the little things I really enjoy the little cologne thing. it's like a way of knowing someone better because you'll reconigze the smell of them even when you aren't seeing them and at the same time if you don't like them you'll be reminded and annoyed every time you smell it. but here it's perfect cause the main character has a hidden-behind-hate love so you can tell by how they lean into or against the smell of it. and that's just the kind of kickingmyfeetintheair feeling.

another gigglingincontrollably moment is the don't stain the carpet because who would want to get their carpet dirty i don't care if you're a wounded vigilante half dying you can go be it on the bathroom, especially the tub, cause there's nothing to stain there. and I'm guessing because it makes sense that its a way to keep your nerves under control by being bossy about something.

ans you're so real for the first aid kit thing. no one has a first aid kit. I saw someone say that that's the biggest lie in fanfiction and and they were right.

I don't know if you wanted this kind of essay. I'm fine with essays I tend to add a lot of Taylor swift references but right now my brain is just having a nap so it'll have to wait. I'm sure I thought of more things to say but oh well I forgot them. I also apologize for my lack of punctuation. I just start writing as if I'm speaking and then it gets really weird.

love you

-🌕

I thought I replied to this????

I love writing banter, especially when it comes naturally. Also you can't tell me that banter is not the biggest sign of screaming tension, okay?

Also, YES LIKE ACADEMIC CAREER or whatever its name is IS IMPORTANT. and having a cute rival such as peter would be delicious in my humble opinion

i don't know if you've read the other parts but like carpet is my fav little detail to write idek why

NO ONE CARRIES FIRST KIT. I have sewing kit tho. I can make do with that if peter ever swings by

also yes i accept all kinds of essays. let me know your thoughts as you read the latest parts and i'll kiss you (preferably on the mouth)

LOVE YOU BBY

[waiting-on-a-dream]

My thoughts on the Linagram characters

@linagram Here it is~! I hope you don't mind the wait.

Akio ♡

First of all, I love him as a character! His motive for killing, his follower and even his victim really tells you a lot about the kind of person he is. His personality is snappy with an undertone of sadness (that will surely be more obvious in t2), and I'm interested to find out about why he's so focused on studying.

I personally think that when two characters have a complex and developed relationship, it automatically makes them shine in their own right as well. You can't make two bland characters have an interesting relationship. Admittedly, half of Akio's appeal for me comes from Arata, haha. I want to study them like lab rats.

I wouldn't talk to someone like Akio irl though. He would intimidate me.

Akhsjsksjsjhsudsgss Akio seems like the type to like being carried around (even in a handbag). I can imagine him secretly enjoying it as a chibi. With how much he likes to act like a king, I think he'd like to be carried around like one too. Or maybe he'd prefer certain people carrying him around instead? 👀

Aimi ♡

I love, love, love her character design! Her gradient eyes have captivated me and seeing her in her oversized uniform makes me want to give her a big hug. Those bandages do a good job of making her look sympathetic too, like a kicked puppy in need of love.

I love her, but all the unknown factors of her crime scare me a lot. I'm not good at analyzing stuff, so I'm mostly worried about the accomplice/friend she had before the whole murdering happened. We don't even know who her victim was, or if she even killed them herself. Her crime is turning out to be not as easy as I thought it was. A very Muu move to pull, good for her.

I'm a little nervous to see her again for t2, because she probably won't stay friends with Akane for long. If it turns out that her murder wasn't sympathetic and she's actually a "bad" person, Akane wouldn't want to associate with her anymore. But they're so cute together. :(

Shun ♡

His whole stuttering thing and memory problems would probably weird me out irl honestly. He's interesting as a character tho!

His quirks are really interesting, but there's only so much I can say about him tbh. Shun is a really unreliable narrator, so I don't actually know much about him or his murder? I'm pretty sure I can't forgive him regardless. He's giving me all sorts of bad vibes. Who knows? Maybe he's killed more than a few people.

Naomi ♡

She doesn't have a good relationship with her parents, so I suspect she hasn't had the best history. I do wonder what her victim did to make her so angry that she would resort to killing him though. I don't think she ever mentioned what he did, just that some kids can be more evil than adults. She doesn't like kids now, but still wants to be voted guilty for her crime. She seems torn over how to feel.

At first I thought her personality would be similar to Mayumi, but she seems closer to Noa actually. I'm getting the vibes that she isn't as nice as she seems actually. Like a reluctant older sister figure that would rather not be here at all. /lh

Can't wait to learn more about her backstory in t2! Her reaction to being voted innocent scared me quite a bit actually. I wonder what kind of character development she'll get.

Kei ♡

He such an interesting and fun character, I love everything I read about him! Watching him interact with Eiji is such a treat. Its interesting to see him get under Eiji's skin with such unnervingly accurate remarks. They're obviously incredibly dysfunctional, but I have a feeling they both still love each other in their Sanada family twisted way. I eagerly await more Sanada family lore!

I think he's the kind of character that works better in a dynamic because you get to see just how twisted he is when he's with someone else? Like, him and Eiji, him and Ruka, him and his mom that loves him so much. Him, Eiko and Shun too!

Since he's always giving off the impression that he's happy and having fun in Milgram, I'm looking forward to seeing his little meow meow side in t2 asjdskdskdjkdsk He and Daisuke are quite alike.

Eiko ♡

Um, yeah, I don't much to say about her. Her family background is intriguing, but something about her personality just makes her forgettable to me? She reminds me of Yuno, and I don't like Yuno all that much. Her careless attitude but high expectations kind of annoy me. Do you care or not?

Also, based on what we know of her crime so far, it seems as though she killed someone she was talking to online because he lied about who he was to her? The murder method is gruesome, but the actual motive is quite boring for me. Hopefully t2 will bring me more juicy details about her crime. Or more lore to let me understand her better.

Asahi ♡

I love his design soooo much <3 He's a lil purple boi with crown shaped pupils, how could I not like him? His fancy clothes are really cute too! It shows the difference between the more upper class life he had with his adoptive parents compared to the life with his dad.

He's very much a brat, but I can also tell that he's really scared and doesn't know what to do. His prickly attitude is probably similar to Akane's, where they both lash out in order to protect themselves. He still addresses everyone older than him politely though, so that's a really cute detail. I wonder where he learned to do that from?

Yes, he's a horrible person. Yes, he's never done anything wrong with his life. Asahi, an 11 year old murderer, exists. The main theory now is that he killed his adoptive mother by putting something she's allergic to in her food, and we don't quite know why he wanted to kill her yet, but he's obviously traumatized and trying to compensate for the hurt he suffered in the past. His relationship with his imaginary mom isn't the most reassuring coping mechanism either.

I think if he were ever to get out of Milgram alive, there's a chance he could heal and change for the better with the right guidance. He's still a child after all. I wonder if he feels guilty about his murder.

Yurika ♡

Eiko and Yurika are your ocs that I often forget about, haha. They're just not the type of characters that I pay attention to. I will say that they're very well written though! Yurika's fear of growing up and having to be independent is a nice touch.

Her crime is really hard to pin down, and the contradicting evidence isn't helping much. But I have the feeling that her crimes aren't as complicated as her first MV makes them out to be. The switching of POVs and shaky timeline does a good job of confusing me, but the actual murdering bit probably won't be that hard to understand.

Yurika keeps saying that she killed her victims out of self-defense, but her motive for killing them seems to be more of them knowing too much about her. Also, her manager was most definitely manipulating her into doing some dirty work, so there's that. Although I sympathize with her struggles, she is an adult and should be able to handle her problems without resorting to murder, whatever they may be.

Riku ♡

He has the best hair out of all your ocs, hands down. The rings on his fingers really give him a cool look too!

Now, he's really babygirl and I love his personality (bb please stop hurting yourself). Its not that I think that he was in the right to kill his friend, but I can understand his motive behind doing it. His mental state is also in shambles, even from before he was brought to Milgram, so he obviously has some serious issues he's trying to cope with.

I don't think he's the type to kill again if he makes it out of Milgram. Perhaps with the proper support, he can learn to take care of himself. But this is Milgram and Lina /lh we're talking about, so things can never be easy. Can't wait to see what kind of character development he'll get after being voted innocent!

Reina ♡

Okay, its not that I really dislike Reina, its just that her "I'm an evil serial killer" act annoys me. Someone claiming they didn't kill anyone or that their murder was an accident I can understand, but claiming that you have over 50 victims? Really? I also think that she's trying really hard to make herself look guilty so that her friends can be spared, which annoys me as well.

I am curious about how and why she ended up bullying others with her friends though. Did she feel pressured to go along with it when they did it as a group? Or was she more active in her decision making? She had a fight with someone over her behavior too, which sets up an exciting story to find out about in t2.

I find her annoying for now, but she's still quite the interesting character! She's going to get violent in t2 in order to make the guards vote her guilty too, so I can admire her determination at least.

Eiji ♡

I love him so much, he's so funky and such a sadistic guard its refreshing in a weird way. Sometimes he gets so excited about punishing the prisoners, it seems as though he doesn't care that much about judging them as much as getting to punish them. There are also times when he decides on someone's verdict based on his personal feelings, like when he wanted to vote Haku guilty because the guy has a good relationship with his brother asdjksdskdjsks In comparison, Es doesn't remember his life before Milgram, so he can't do that.

His relationships with just about everyone he's interacted with is so interesting!!! Especially whatever he has going on with Kei. His friendship with Miki shows promising potential too. If I had enough braincells and ability to string my thoughts together neatly, I could write whole analyses about their relationships but alas.

I am interested in knowing how Eiji would treat someone outside of Milgram though. Like, his normal life in the outside world before he was made a warden in Milgram. I get the feeling that he isn't as aggressive compared to the way he acts as a warden.

Also, the idea of having siblings in Milgram is so cool!! Even better that one is a prisoner and one is guard, and THEY'RE BOTH twisted in their own ways. Its really intriguing how Kei reveals a lot about Eiji's true feelings when they interact, but Eiji isn't able to say much about Kei that we don't already know. ITS SO- GRFSNDISSDJSSK

Miki ♡

YO we have a bingo!!!!!

She's very cute, I love her pink pigtails!! Her personality is so complex and well-developed too! At first glance, you'd think she's just idealistic and naïve. But then she turns out to be struggling with strong feelings of guilt from her past and more manipulative than expected. Wow.

Her relationships with the prisoners are fun, and her changing friendship with Eiji is sooooooooooooo good!! Her seemingly gentle personality really shines through when she interacts with others. And based on the different personalities she interacts with, we get to see a new side of her that we don't normally see too.

Her development for t2 is really exciting! I can't wait to see how far she can take her newfound god complex. And how different she'll be treating Asahi now that she knows he's related to her.

[undervaluedagent]

hey hi hey! what are your favourite songs + episodes?? :D

Putting the episodes first because I decided to go on a music nerd tangent later on. And honestly, I don't know what my favorite episodes would be (I like them all), so I think I'll just talk about of all of them.

Also this response got long as fuck so I'm doing a readmore.

Creativity: Man the puppets from back then are interesting to look back on XD. Mad at Sketchpad for trying to kill Yellow Guy's creativity (even though other teachers tried to straight-up kill him). That boy's clown painting was good! ;-; Also am I the only one who keeps rewinding to when Duck says his favorite color is red? He sounds so enthusiastic about it! Then the main thing of the episode, I interpreted it as conveying that we're told to be creative, but only within certain boundaries. This also reminds me, the fandom has some trouble characterizing Sketchpad. @/gnomeniche has a post about it somewhere too, but basically Sketch is a straight-edge jerk and just because they're nonviolent doesn't make them nice. Aaaaand of course there were those people who made them all murder-happy. They're the exact kind of people Sketch would despise, I'm afraid XD.

Time: I just realized I have very little to say about that episode 'cause it was a pretty straightforward one, but it had a nice song and the fish joke was funny, so was the "It's time to go to time." It also took me a while to realize that Red decayed too (I think), I thought his ass was really long lived and just kept growing more and more hair. The ending is really weird and I still don't know what exactly to make of it, we know they're in a simulation by now but yk.

Love: Just an overall nice episode, the friendship moments were sweet. As I say later, I like the song, and I refuse to ever, ever call Shrignold a butterfly. That is a baby pigeon always and forever. Probably the most horrifying part of the episode was the salmonella /j. Also, I believe in the Shrignold was Michael theory, not really sure why they'd just make that weird story up unless it related to something XD. And I think it ties in with a LoveBird fanfiction that was recently started, think it only has one chapter as of now but I'm enjoying it, first chap is from Shrig's pov (it doesn't explicitly mention Michael or anything tho).

Computer (or whatever it's called): Colin is best boy goddamnit and I talk abt this later but he did nothing wrong. Song fucks too ofc. I also love how done with life Red is the whole time, and the "wow, look, nothing!" Unfortunately I don't really have much to say abt the episode, I just like it.

Health/Food: Oh boy. This episode. What I would consider the only scary DHMIS episode (sorry, the rest are just interesting). The way Duck is so scared the whole time breaks my heart and makes me fear for him, the Steak Guy creeps me the ever-loving fuck out, and the music. Okay. So the lyrics are super weird, often contradictory or just plain wrong in a way they aren't in any other episode, which is super off-putting, and the rest of the time they're just obviously incomplete. You're like, what the hell are these mfs doing??? And the audio breaks when the phone calls come through, with the creepy-ass ambiance, it's so unsettling! Audio is a key piece if you're trying to scare me. DHMIS 5 certainly suceeds in that. And of course the actual stuff that happens. Oh my god. Best episode if you're a real horror guy.

Dreams: Intro is heartbreaking of course, poor Yellow Guy, but what a power move for him to just turn the light back off when the teacher first shows up! It didn't work but it was still a power move! Red Guy is such a nerd XD, and that guy who was like "Well, that's rude. No clothes" well okay then, maybe should've kept your clothes on bro. (Also wtf is with their office building why does the staircase look like that). The presence of the teachers extends to outside the simulator, as seen with the mic and box radio thing. That's interesting. And people don't tend to notice this, but Red Guy himself popped on the screen briefly when he was going through buttons on the thingy. Man the lore implications. (Also a very merry piss off to that one guy who theorized that Duck showing up on the screen was a sign that he wasn't real and that he's replacable XD.) Roy was certainly creepy here, but my bigger question is, doesn't stretching like that hurt his arm? Oh and also the rebooted guys are cute <3

Jobs: I kin Red Guy rn. I too wish I was doing Nothing Day. But back to the point, the autism in this episode was so high. Someone else pointed out it was a lot like masking, and yeah that's definitely what Yellow and Red were doing HARDCORE. Also I don't really ship Yellow x Claire partially for this reason, I just don't trust that Yellow was able to be himself at all just due to the work environment and stuff. (Also Yellow's aro.) I don't hate the ship ofc, that's just my thoughts on it. And Duck in the elevator, that part was great. Having him be presented with a stupid emotion chart and be like I don't know these emotions and knock it over was also an autism moment, as was being spoken over and told what your feelings are for you. That Stress song was stressful for sure and I felt bad for Duck the whole time, and I do not like the Carehound bc it brainwashed Duck. I am protective of my boy Duck. Anyway, at the end of the episode, Duck and the gang got a pound. In the next episode, when Larry goes on his little spiel about what happens after we die, he says they get a pound every time they get it right. I guess they only got it right for one episode, huh? (I guess it's also the only episode aside from 6 where the teacher didn't fucking die.)

Death: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. These guysssss. They can't live without each other! They love each other! Also I have beef with Coffin for the exact same reason I have beef with Sketchpad (stifling Yellow's creativity), but Coffin has a soothing voice so I don't care. I've also made a post abt how Duck was affected by the episode that I'm not gonna repeat here. I would say poor Stain Edwards, but like...I'm protective of Duck and I really don't want them replacing my boy so I kinda fear them. Memories is gut-wrenching ofc. And Big Day is the song that actually led to me getting into the series.

Family: *foams at the mouth* I'm going to hit Red's family with a truck and the creepy family with a truck and decide what to do with Roy but probably hit him with at least half a truck. (Partly joking, ik the twins are kids and there's prob something more to them.) Something I never see being talked about but I really enjoy is how the FAULBCHDT song is foreshadowing for the fact that the twins and their family aren't actually a real family. Still mad that Red felt like he had to apologize for being happy. The fact that Toddney managed to hypnotize Yellow Guy to sleep makes me wonder what the actual fuck is wrong with these two, and the fact that after the others leave Yellow Guy keeps asking where they are hurts me, also shows how he's got his awareness on. I am So Confused on how to feel about Roy at the end of this! I'm so confused about how to feel abt him in general actually! God I need to see him with batteries so bad.

Friendship: Wow. I dislike Warren so much, so like congratulations for making a well-written hatable character! (I don't hate him tho, for me a prerequisite for actually hating a fictional character is bad writing which isn't present here.) So happy about the Colin cameo in this episode, he's so cute (also he was adorable in Dreams but I forgot to mention that earlier). And the implications of Yellow Guy's maiden name being Rat-Eyes, that implies that his last name was never Gribbleston, which makes me think that Lesley's last name was passed on to the kid, which makes her full name Lesley Rat-Eyes, which I find hilarious. I have to wonder if the trio would've actually taken Warren to a restaurant style meal if he hadn't fucked up. Probably not. But it's nice(?) that the other two tricked Warren into helping anyways. Also the part that truly made me dislike Warren? Him being a dick to Shy Imaginary Older Brother. For reading slow and having difficulty with passwords. Very similar reason to why Warren was "defending" Yellow Guy. Warren doesn't care about jackshit, he just wants to be a hero and be fucking worshipped for doing...whatever the hell it is. Bro would totally bully me. Songs are good, fight scene is hilarious.

Transport: Absolutely amazing episode, I don't even know if I could explain because I feel like so many people have done so better than me, but anyways the end shattered my heart to pieces, actually a lot of the episode did, these poor fucking puppets. Honestly I'm really tired rn tho and pretty much everyone and their dog has talked about this ep so I'm not gonna explain further.

Electricity: Also an amazing episode, I was rewatching at some point and you can find it through the "#i'm rewatching episode 6 rn" tag (I'll tag this post with it so you can find it more easily), and I put a lot of thoughts in there, but I didn't say anything about Lesley, that funky woman. Her laughs at things that aren't funny and doesn't give straight answers swag is beginning to captivate me. It's making me wonder if she's the reason for this series' more comedic tone in comparison to the webseries. Also very curious what's above her ofc. I'd love to have a conversation with her and try to get an answer to literally anything.

I like every song from DHMIS. One of my favorites from the webseries would have to be the one from Love because it's super soothing when you ignore the context (and has the most actual singing which is important for me as a choir nerd), and also has an interesting chord progression with the frequency of its C augmented chords. The other fave from the webseries would have to be Computer (idek if that's the right name XD), because Colin is my favorite teacher, he's my special little guy who did nothing wrong and also the song is a whole vibe. Honestly I don't think he meant to harm anyone. I mean, ig there's debate on if anyone did, but Colin specifically? Definitely not.

As for the TV series, I really like the Electricity somg because first of all Electracey is my second favorite teacher, and second of all it's a banger, especially with the electric guitar parts. Plus everyone's just vibing! It's nice! I like the FAULBCHDT song because it's funny (I love how Duck is like wtf is this the whole time) and also vocal-heavy, the Worm In Your Brain song because it's rlly soothing, and Duck's Family song because it tears my heart out and eats it every time! Duck baby! He feels the need to pretend that he isn't lonely and that he's tough even when nobody's around, dearest it's okay to say you miss them we all know you love those other guys.

Side tangent, there are a total of four songs in DHMIS that aren't in what I consider a childlike key (just a key that many children's songs are in) (which I consider to be F major to A major on the circle of 5ths (so F, C, G, D, and A major)). These songs are the Stress song, which the melody is so weird that I don't want to bother pinning down a key (I think that's intentional bc it's ironically supposed to be a stressful song), but is definitely not in one of the earlier keys, the Memories song, which is in C major for part of it, but switches into what is likely C dorian (similar to C minor but with a natural 6th), but could also be G minor (probably not tho), the Worm In Your Brain song, in B major, and the Transport song, also in B major.

Aside from the Transport song, which is sung by an old man (so it makes sense for it to be in a less kiddish key), all the songs here have something to do with feelings, the Stress song with the feeling of, well, stress, Memories with grief, and Worm In Your Brain with anxiety and self-doubt. Also, all of these songs are from the new series. I feel like there's a connection to be made here but I'm sick and thus a bit stupid and can't explain it.

Holy shit this whole thing took like two hours to answer because I have chronic writes way too much and then gets distracted syndrome

[muzzled-kelevra]

Hi! I'm sorry to come to you like this; I think I kind of trauma dumped on this blog quite a while ago, but then it sort of disappeared for me, like Tumblr wouldn't let me click on it? But now it's back and I just want to preface this by saying that I hope you're doing well! It's good to see you again (even tho you don't know me lol) and uh, I'm not sure what else to say

I have questions but now I don't really want to ruin this kind-of positive(?) ask with it, so I'll.. put a TW? And if you don't want to reply you can just screenshot the top half and respond to that instead and then delete this. Yeah? Yeah

Tw // maybe CSA (?) <- kind of in detail , Incest , sexual relations between minors , unsure what else to tag this as

So , like when I was younger (probably 7-9 ?? 9. 9 is more accurate) me and my cousin used to be really sexual with eachother as a joke( or I thought it was I guess ) but like, I don't know. It's hard to explain why or how it happened but basically he used to dry hump me for some reason and I would just let him. He'd ask me if he could do it usually and I'd say no because it was weird and I felt dirty doing it, but then he'd convince me to do it? I guess? I don't remember ever wanting to do it, I found it odd and dirty and it didn't really do much for me, I'd just sit there and let him do it really. But like, I don't know. It feels weird because it feels like it was done without my consent but at the same time he was younger than me and I didn't really try to stop him

I'll be honest I usually try forget about it because the memory disgusts me, how could I have a relationship like that with my cousin? I don't understand it but it makes me feel horrible and I don't even think he remembers it, at least he doesn't act like he does

I had my blog set to private for a while since I had been debating for a bit whether to delete my account or not. But I decided to bring it back, at least for now.

And I'm happy to see people are comfortable here; welcome back! Ditto to you, as I hope you've been well.

I'm sorry you went through that.

Children tend to find interesting and sometimes, and unfortunately, negative coping mechanisms for things they're going through. My assumption in this situation is that perhaps your cousin did it to relieve something, or you, who knows. That's slightly speaking from experience though since I also have a cousin who was once "close" with me.

Anywho, even if it was joking or messing around, it can still be traumatizing! Kid brains are weird sponges; even small situations can be sensitive. And sometimes people get delayed trauma. Something that didn't seem so bad then can become trauma later. And just because you didn't stop him doesn't mean you gave consent. It's kind of a grey area but if you feel violated then your feelings are completely valid.

When it comes to feeling like those memories are gross, you could try to move on and forget them, but if it's not that easy, try writing it down, maybe that could help. Please don't push yourself or retraumatize yourself though.

I'm not really sure what else to say but I hope at least some of this helps! Sorry if it sounds like a half reply I'm very tired rn

If you want to hear my experience that's kinda similar and how I try to recover from it, I'd be open to telling. It doesn't really bother me anymore and if it helps you feel seen or not so alone then just lmk 🤷

Also, if you're wondering what to label it as, you could refer to it as COCSA or incest, I think? I've referred to it as "covert incest" but that might not be the same thing I haven't researched much into that one

[algolstare]

Hey thanks for answering my questions - I'm so sorry you ended up in urgent care. Pretty sure same would happen to me. My situation is I just live at home with my dad in a shit hole, mom's dead. Older brother moved out few years ago but he's in precarious position. My dad wants me to wait on him hand and foot, and says outright I can't leave or have any kind of life. He needs me to basically do all the work in the house. He also hits me and verbally abuses me all the time. People we know are aware of situation and are sympathetic but are too frightened of him to challenge him. Strangers will tell him it's not right now he speaks to me out in public and I pay for it later. These people I never see again but they're right. He's just lazy violent pos and cos I have no money or job I'm stuck. He thinks I'm too frightened to tell on him to police or go for help. He doesn't know I'm making plans tho. DV shelters or assistance like that won't help with out a police report. I go to police might as well measure me out for my coffin. I have no real friends. Housing won't help because if I leave home for apparently no good reason I will be classed as wilfully making myself homeless. I cant work to save up cos my dad fucked up my last job and gets violent if I even mention looking for one.

I'm basically a prisoner. My brother lives far away and dad doesn't know where he is cos he cut him off. Cos my dad thinks I'm too frightened to disobey him for real even he is paranoid about the possibility (fr hes batshit crazy) and is ignorant about internet computer stuff I am in touch with my brother. But I can't stay with him for long cos of his landlord finding out. I thought I could just pack and walk out and crash at my bro's. I also thought I'd figure out stuff when I was there. But my gear is like my art stuff , computer, clothes, personal belongings self care stuff plushes and family bits and pieces. I don't know how I'd get them out the house with out my dad noticing. Even if I could do it a little at a time I would have nowhere to put them for storage cos don't have anyone but my bro and he's too far away to keep going back and forth to collect it safely.

I read all your advice and it's made me rethink all that because I am woefully unprepared. I think I'm gonna have to just pack my backpack with basic necessities and just go. I have to arrange a time with my bro and he said he'd pick me up away from the house. The only time I can get out of the house is when I have to do the shopping. My dad is home all day (he gets disability) so it wouldn't be weird for me to go out with my backpack as usual long as it's not bulging. I'd just say I'm going to get his food and then fuck off and meet my brother.

Literally I cannot delay any longer. It's reaching crisis point. I know I should plan it out further in advance for the future since I can't stay at brother's but I might not get this chance again. My brother seems to be getting cold feet tbh. I just am gonna pack bare essentials take grocery money and go. I am desperate teddy. I try and sneak out door it's not gonna work I see that now. Thank you for listening and your advice. I just wanna get out the house safe and figure rest out later

I'm so, so sorry lovie. That's such a horrible painful situation to be in.

If it helps at all... I didn't have, & still have yet to land, a job too - it was still possible because I had people willing to open up their home to me, to help me w/ transport costs, & everything. Asking for help even like, as a general ask to an online crowd, can be terrifying for so many reasons but it can truly change so much. Beyond that, depending on where you live, at least some places have state/gov-maintained jobseeker's resources that can make things So Much Easier to access information & even training. I'd recommend looking into if your area has anything like that!!

That's what I thought too, I know it may differ based on location, but where I landed it ended up being a myth used to discourage victims from leaving or seeking help. Not all organizations require you to file a police report, or even disclose to them who your abuser was, in order for them to help you. If you haven't already looked into the individual orgs' policies, I would really recommend doing that too, because if that is the same for wherever you are, it could be life-changing

That is a terrible terrible policy & whoever came up with it, I hope they get back every last bit of suffering they've enabled tenfold. I hope with all my heart there is a way around that. If you're comfortable, I am always open to look into things on your behalf, if you message me here whenever I have free time I would be glad to try & find stuff - sometimes places won't even tell you upfront on their websites & you have to call, which is ridiculous, so often calling isn't even safe.

I'm glad you're able to keep in touch with your brother safely.. thank goodness your pos dad is ignorant. I'm sorry, I know how hard it is to give up sentimental things, heirlooms, art, plushes - all of those are so meaningful & precious, & especially where a hobby is your lifeline in a situation feeling like having to give it up to get out is hellish. If there's anything small enough, I managed to take some sentimental things by shoving them into my clothes, in between necessities too. It wasn't enough to make the loss all better, but it took some of the sting away

If you leave your computer, I'd recommend doing what I did if you can - take out the storage drive at the last second, & take it with you, so that he can't access the info on there!! It was a vital part of my plans before I left, & it meant I was safer. Granted my family is also at least somewhat okay using computers, so it's a bit different. But only if you can get it apart quietly, safely enough, of course

All of this looking into resources could be done after you're out, too. I get the urgency. If you don't have wifi at your brother's, I'd recommend going to the nearest library to his place - they have So Much. It's been one of the Most helpful places to me since leaving

I'm so proud of you for getting this far. It takes so much to survive it, let alone actively try to change things for the better at the same time. I'm cheering you on!!! I believe in you, you are worthy of better, you are worth the effort, you are worth the trouble of doing difficult & scary things. Every life has dignity, yours included, please keep that to your heart when you feel discouraged. You are always welcome, & I am wishing for your happiness!!