#knucklehead mcspazatron | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

autisticsupervillain · 4 months

Text

It's Fictional Throwdown Friday!

This Week's Fighters...

Spongebob vs Kirby!

Conditions:

Speed Equalized.

Scenario:

Spongebob and Kirby are the final contestants in the cook-fight championship, where the contests have to simultaneously defeat their opponents in combat and cook a delicious meal better than their opponents and only one can take home the gold.

Analysis: Spongebob

Tell me.... WHO LIVES IN A PINEAPPLE UNDER THE SEA! OOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!

Ah, yes, Spongebob SquarePants. We love him, we meme him, and we remember him as the purest essence of childhood cartoon nostalgia. This goofy goober, nautical nincompoop, and asexual icon may seem like a harmless wimp on the surface... and to an extent, he kinda is. His life long dream is to work as a fry cook at a dead end fast food restaurant, he once struggled to lift a glass of water, and he's easily small enough to fit in your hand, regularly getting overpowered by ordinary humans. You'd be forgiven for mistaking Bikini Bottom's best fry cook for a harmless goofball, wing nut, or knucklehead mcspazatron. But just you wait, this fry cook has a lot more up his virtually nonexistent sleeves.

There are three acronyms that one must always remember when discussing Spongebob. E.V.I.L, P.O.O.P., and T.F.I.B. Don't recognize that last one? It stands for Toon Force Is Bullshit.

When Spongebob isn't struggling to lift Teddy Bears, he's effortlessly rotating the entire planet, sucking up the entirety of Earth's oceans, and absorbing enough water to replace the moon in the sky. We're in for some shit now.

As a sea sponge, or, really more of a kitchen sponge I guess, Spongebob is remarkably durable and flexible. He can freely shspeshift into nearly any form he can imagine, regenerate from getting reduced to dust, duplicate himself millions of times, and absorb any liquid or physical attack thrown at him. Like the time he was able to walk around getting punched all week without feeling any of it, or the time he literally laughed off being erased from existence.

Moreover, he's a master of nearly any hobby or job he picks up. He's so good at cooking Krabby Patties that they can become sentient, cancel mind control, and make people romantically attracted to them, while his bubble blowing skills let him create torpedoes, create sentient life, and create entire fuctioning societies out of bubbles. He's such a Rockstar that his music can physically assault you and free you from mind control and one time he was able to rock out so hard he transformed into the sun.

On top of that, Spongebob can create anything he can conceivably need in any situation, either by drawing it with the magic pencil (which, yes, later seasons show he still has), blowing bubbles, letting his tears come to life to revive him from the dead, or just by willing it into existence with his imagination. And not only can the pencil's eraser erasing things from reality, but he can even erase reality itself by pulling on a string and unraveling the entire universe.

And then... there's his ability... to break the fourth wall.

Not only can he ride on the scene transitions, not only can he exit the comic book he's in, but he can also rewrite the plot of his own story as it's happening. And that's without the magic book from the second movie. He can just... do that. On his own.

He's strong enough to fuse together with Patrick down to the level of his DNA by hugging him really hard, fast enough to watch Patrick run to the sun in back in seconds, and strong enough to defeat and capture everyone else in Bikini Bottom within a single night (albiet with Patrick's help).

While this all may sound unbeatable, there is one major issue for Mr. SquarePants. He can only survive out of water for so long and if exposed to extreme heats outside the water for too long, he risks drying up and suffocating to death. But, that's okay, because if that does happen, his tears will come to life and resurrect him from the dead anyways.

So next time you think to underestimate your childhood icon, you'd do well to remember... he's ready.

Analysis: Kirby

Kirby, Kirby, Kirby. It's the name you should know, they're the star of the show, Kirby's the one. While this impossibly powerful little puffball's backstory is by an large a mystery, the widely accepted explanation is that they are a reincarnation of the immense god-like being known as Void that came about as a result of Void interacting with positive emotions. They are the positive counterpart to Zero's and Void Termina's dark and hateful incarnations, who came into being as a result of Void interacting with powerful negative emotions.

As a result of this, Kirby is paradoxically both horrifyingly powerful and unrelentingly cute, cuddly, and friendly. They may aspire to no higher cause than eating cake, making friends, and sleeping, but I do not exaggerate in the slightest when I call their power godlike. Kirby has been stated several times to have infinite power and has defeated beings amped by the Master Crown, which was stated to have the same. This alone would make them universe level at least, but they have feats that put them well above that. The parallel dimension known as... Another Dimension (great name guys, not confusing at all) is shown to contain at least sixteen universes, with Magalor's defeat destroying all of them.

But Kirby has far more than just raw power on their side. As a matter of fact, they are well known for their versatility thanks to their Copy Ability. With it, they can inhale an enemy or object into their maw and transmute it into either a star shaped projectile or a copy ability, allowing them to copy a wide variety of powers from their defeated foes. They can combine these abilities, store them for later, or transform these powers into allies who can fight alongside them. And provided their opponent is too big for them to inhale, Kirby has ways of copying their powers anyways. By tossing their ability at their foe as an energy projectile, they can transmute enemies into copy abilities or they can just scan enemies outright with the copy ability known as... Copy.

These copy abilities come in a wide variety, ranging from those that grant Kirby mastery over a specific weapon to those who bestow Kirby with some form of elemental power. Notable ones include ice Kirby, who can freeze foes solid even if they can survive in space, cook Kirby who can transmute enemies into food, magic Kirby who can use magic for a variety of purposes, ranging from summoning food to summoning allies, and Copy Kirby, which can copy the powers of whoever Kirby scans. Their most powerful Abilities can even do damage to the fabric of reality itself, ranging from their Ultra Sword cutting holes into other universes to Time Crash, which creates an explosion so powerful that it damages time itself, effectively allowing Kirby to stop time.

Even without their Copy abilities, Kirby is remarkably tough. Their incredibly small size of a mere eight inches makes them remarkably tough to hit, they can regenerate from being impaled in an instant, can inflate themselves with air and fly through the sky, and summon a warp star to help them fly across the galaxy in seconds. And if all that sounds like a lot for one little pink puffball, Kirby can just speed dial up three other identical Kirby's to help kick your ass on command. Or throw a Friend Heart at you to forcibly befriend you.

And if you somehow make it through all of that and manage to kill Kirby? They can simply come back as a ghost, steal your life energy, and regenerate their body from nothing. Unless you can kill ghosts, Kirby's just gonna come straight back.

Having said all that, Kirby isn't perfect. While they are shown to be strangely technologically and scientifically adept, they have also shown to be incredibly naive. They've been manipulated into doing the villain's bidding on more than one occasion and they tend to simply jump headlong into situations without any kind of plan.

While Kirby may not be Nintendo's strongest character as is widely believed, they are every bit the godkiller you've heard they are. The next eldritch terror that steps foot on the peaceful planet of Popstar is gonna end up like all the rest, running for it's goddamn life.

Throwdown Theme:

youtube

Throwdown Breakdown:

This... is a tricky one.

Both of these pint sized power houses have absolutely massive arsenals to throw at each other, with several of their abilities simply canceling each other out. Both of these characters are small enough to fight inside the palm of your hand, are nigh-unkillable, can breathe underwater forever, and can duplicate themselves in numerous ways.

Going for the kill is grossly out of character for both of them, but Spongebob is the only one with a way to actually kill their opponent. Kirby can't destroy someone who can come back from nothing, whereas the Magic Pencil would leave them with nothing to come back from. Spongebob has the means to create anything he can imagine to fight Kirby with, but Kirby can just copy whatever he creates by inhaling it or using Copy. Similarly, Kirby can also create beings to fight on their behalf with their Artist (not to be confused with Paint) ability, handly countering out Spongebob's bubbles.

Spongebob has quite few counters to Kirby's tricks. He can simply shapeshift out of being turned into a copy ability or food, his absorbent abilities makes powers like Fighter and Water useless or detrimental, he can simply draw a portal to escape Kirby's stomach pocket reality, and krabby patties can cancel out the effects of the Friend Heart (as well as other times Spongebob has resisted mind control). But, by that same notion, Kirby's ice is more than capable of freezing people who can withstand the vacuum of space, meaning it should work fine on Spongebob, the Pure Hearts is better mind manipulation than what Spongebob has shown to resist (they can counter out the mind control powers of Void Termina, whose incarnations such as Dark Matter can control entire planets), and should be much stronger physically.

The reason I Equalized Speed for this fight initially was because I assumed Spongebob was exponentially faster. Then I realized that both of them can move even after time has been destroyed, placing both at about equal speed. That's gow close this matchup is and that's how overpowered both of them are. Which is not at all helped by how few options they have to out each other down.

However, there are a few things that just barely make this Kirby's game.

Kirby is stronger, smarter, and more experienced. Spongebob can destroy the universe, but Kirby can tank sixteen blowing up in their face. Both can be incredibly naive and overly trusting, but Kirby is smart enough to build a rocket ship by themself. And both are no stranger to saving the world, but only Kirby fights off eldritch abominations on a near daily basis.

Spongebob has some clear win conditions here. But the issue is actually being willing to use them in this context. Spongebob isn't going to murder his competition in a cooking competition, so the magic pencil is out. That leaves fourth wall breaking and plot manipulation. However, Spongebob has never used those abilities in a straight up fight before. Even in situations where his life or the world was at risk, Spongebob has never simply rewritten the plot so that he wins a fight or competition and he likely wouldn't do so here. Because this fight is, in context, a friendly competition and it's really not like Spongebob to willingly cheat.

Kirby, meanwhile, has a few ways of incapacitating Spongebob. Their ice and Friend Hearts should be more potent than what Spongebob and his resistance to such things can handle, their strength and greater experience would give them an advantage in combat, and they can match Spongebob's versatility.

This fight is genuinely the closest one we've had all year. But, I think Kirby has just enough to overcome their aquatic adversary.

Spongebob wins the cooking competition though. Not even Cook Kirby competes with that. If Neptune himself can't match Spongebob, I don't know what Kirby can do.

Does that make this a tie? Eh, Throwdown's the name of the game so that's what I'll count.

This Throwdown's Winner is....

Kirby!

#fictional throwdown fridays #kirby #spongebob squarepants #Youtube

4 notes · View notes