#lambert deserved better

[back-in-the-landslide]

Oh boy, I sure do remember the Role Swap AU me and everyone were on for Amnesia: The Bunker.

I’ve actually wanted to go back on the concept. I’ve got something cooking as I’m determined to show my work. Shoutout to the fans who were doing their take on this, cause I was inspired by them.

Hope you all like these drawings!

Original drawings below:

(2022-2023 OG Drawings)

[caught-in-a-landslide]

“Must check on Henri…Wish he would wake…My prayers remain unanswered.”

I wanted to make a comic on Henri and Augustin during the whole thing where my boy was in a coma, so I’ve drawn one. Enjoy the angst with these two.

[dirtycombatboots]

Slavic home remedies, but it's witchers

Ciri: I think I'm sick

Vesemir: hmm, a slight fever. I've got just a thing for that

Geralt, Eskel and Lambert having flashbacks of their childhood before mutations, when they got sick and subjected to Vesemir traditional medicine

Geralt, his back covered in glass suction cups, Vesemir using Igni to put them on: Jars will help with your fever, wolf

Eskel, trying to get away while Vesemir puts drops of raw onion juice in his nostrils: You'll breathe better than before, boy

Lambert, hunched over a pot of freshly boiled potatoes, his head covered with a towel to keep the steam in, forced to breathe potato steam even though his entire face feels like its melting: This will clear your lungs in no time

Geralt, Eskel and Lambert jump to shield Ciri from Vesemir, not wanting little princess to endure such horrors

Vesemir, confused: Tea with honey

And that's how witchers learned that papa Vesemir had no pity for them because they are just his sons, but for Ciri? Hell yeah, beloved granddaughter, apple of his eye, deserving gentle treatment and modern medicine

[geraskierfanficprompts]

Prompt 63

After The Mountain™, Jaskier is desperate to prove himself a Worthy Travel Companion™ to Geralt, so he decides to take up alchemy. Perhaps if he gets very good at brewing Geralt's potions, Geralt will find him worthy of keeping around. When Geralt takes Jaskier to Kaer Morhen, he can't help but notice that Jaskier is suddenly spending every possible second with Lambert. LAMBERT. I mean, he loves his brother, don't get him wrong! But Lambert? Geralt's words were cruel, and he was still working out the full apology he wanted to give Jaskier (He deserved better than just an "I'm sorry") but he's worried that he's already lost his chance, as Jaskier is seemingly finding himself a new witcher.

[komitose]

Ok so spoiler alert but I have no idea how to compose ideas into something coherent and have no idea how to really use Tumblr yet so read at your own risk LMAO anyway here's that au idea except Ive already started sketching out stuff for it(it's all wips/concepts so don't judge)

spoilers for Endgame after the cut and CW for messed up face and exposed muscle. Also this Lamb is named Ewein, I just really am not a fan of the name Lambert 🥲

so the AU is called A Heavenly Nightmare(aka what the fanfic would be called) and if you didn't see my earlier post this idea started with me thinking it was weird how all the bishops get their special little hell after the Lamb kills them but Nari doesn't get one after we beat him so i decided that joining the cult should be his purgatory HOWEVER purgatory is basically a permanent timeloop for the Bishops when we run into them so i tried figuring out how to make it work anddd Nari is the only bishop to have second phase(cause hes final boss but whatever) so in this au, when we beat his first phase thats when his purgatory offically "starts" but its messed up cause of course it is. Purgatory IS Nari's domain, he knows it better than anyone AND unlike the other bishops he had a Vessel so his power was divided and then the crown divided, creating "two Narinders", his Giant form and a smaller version(aka follower nari). The big one loses its powers, essentially falling into a kind of coma state and "piloting" follower Nari who retains part of his power while Ewein continues to hold the rest along with main control over the crown. Ewein spares Nari while unaware of the split however they hold absolutely but a lot of anger and a big ass grudge against him for demanding their sacrifice(spoiler its a narilamb au LOL) but Nari's new body cant handle his powers and ends up in a similar state to his original body aka catatonic and stuck in nightmare like situations that turn purgatory into warped versions of the cult and a lamb who keeps killing him so when Ewein eventually rescue Aym and Baal, they explain whats really happening and Ewein has to learn to control their own godhood in order to help a god who they think is getting what he deserves while also having strange dreams about Nari and killing him. It's gonna take them a long time before they even realize that they can talk to him...

this is just like a general idea but ya

also this last wip is Ewein finding big Nari with the help of Aym and Baal who are kinda more like spirits after Ewein kills them the first time? almost like the little demon versions of followers but look like themselves. idk theyre just stuck in the afterlife til Ewein gets the necklaces and can revive them but they can touch them and stuff during that sketched scene

[icyg4l]

PAC: How has being openly queer changed your life for the better?

Hello beautiful people! Happy Friday and Happy Pride Month! As part of this month’s Pride Month series, I am going to continue on with the topic with this new PAC. I don’t want to waste too much time so please select your pile. 🙏🏽

Top Left-to-Bottom Right: (1-4)

pile one: i feel like you may be transgender or went through a massive glow up as you came into your identity. being openly queer has allowed you to acquire more knowledge through life. life’s experiences have beaten you down but you used those experiences to your advantage. you became older, wiser, more poised. your chart could be saturn ruled (capricorn/aquarius/heavily aspected by saturn). the scars of yesterday strengthen you. i feel like people compliment your physique a lot. it’s taken you a lot to feel comfortable with that. and lastly, being openly queer has welcomed you into some strange/taboo places where you feel open! you could go to anime conventions or underground clubs a lot because of this. you did not lose anything, pile one. you only gained more life experience.

cards used: king of swords, five of cups, six of wands, the moon, three of cups, three of swords, six of cups, king of pentacles.

pile two: i am channeling the energy of damon from pose. you could be a dancer or just have the energy that makes people feel loose. i don’t think you could ever turn your queerness off. people could always point that out in you. this made you a target but that never stopped you from being you. you make people feel inspired. you would be really good at being a mentor for the queer youth. you have this unshakable confidence that could make you do anything. you also have the gift of gab. i am channeling the energy of rolling ray lmaoooo. the things that you’ve gone through have made you take life so unserious. it’s the constant celebration of life that makes your queerness so unique.

cards used: judgment, six of wands, king of wands, seven of pentacles, page of cups, the hierophant, three of cups.

pile three: you exude this devil-may-care energy that is so addictive. it’s so sexy! you literally don’t care! this has made you take pride in your identity. it comes off as annoyingly rebellious to some folks but your people know that’s really you. everyone is not used to your energy. it’s blunt and it’s rich. it reminds me of rihanna and elektra evangelista. your queer identity is intimidating to some people. but you take ownership of it & carry it so well. this is why so many people have a crush on you. i feel like i’m talking to a lesbian but if not you could just present ultra-feminine. you know exactly how to spice up the family dinners and you give off a motherly energy. you use it wisely though because everyone can’t have access to you.

cards used: ace of pentacles, ace of swords, queen of cups, queen of pentacles, eight of cups, the devil, six of pentacles, nine of cups, the emperor.

pile four: you have this introspective nature that makes people think. you remind me of a james baldwin kind of person. your thoughts regarding queer theory and queer rights need to be shared with the world. being openly queer has quite literally taught you. you are living the practice out. it may have taken you some time to come into your current identity. but once you came out, you had this come to jesus moment as many others do. being openly queer has taught you about how to love yourself and others properly, the importance of compassion and leadership. you could be an active leader in your community. if not, you need to be! your voice deserves to be heard without a doubt. you could be the voice of reason, pile four.

cards used: two of cups, eight of cups, king of cups, the emperor, the sun, the magician, page of cups, the hierophant, wheel of fortune.

[live-from-flaturn]

I FORGOT "STRUT" BY ADAM LAMBERT HOW COULD I, A GAY EMO FROM THE 90'S, HAVE FORGOTTEN "STRUT" BY ADAM LAMBERT?!?! IT WAS FORMATIVE!!!

Okay yall give me songs you want jeff to cover. I'll start, take me to church by hozier and beggin' by maneskin

[murasaki-gyps]

I like to think about two scenarios in which Oskar von Reuenthal survives.

The first one is a timeline in which he somehow manages to become part of Wolfgang and Evangelin's menage. He doesn't deserve of them; he doesn't deserve any woman, nor Eva's affection but I love this goblin and in this occurrence he tries hard enough to earn a place in their family and bring Felix and Heinrich Lambert with him.

And this is the timeline where he survives because he strives to become a better person for the sake of Wolfgang and the whole Mittermeyer family.

Then there's another timeline, the one in which he has the longest, most toxic ever seen on-and-off affair with Paul von Oberstein. The horrible things they do to each other are countless and yet Oskar decides he has to live, only to become the bane of the existence of the man he one-sidedly declared his "archenemy".

And this is the timeline where he survives out of spite, because he consciously becomes the worst version of himself, in order to make the life of the man he loves-and-hates a literal hell. I think they're both beautiful timelines.

[caught-in-a-landslide]

I’M FUCKING CRYING AT THE UPDATE OF THE PHOTOS IN AMNESIA THE BUNKER, WHAT DID THEY DO TO LAMBERT’S FACE?!?

LIKE I GET THAT ITS A IMPROVEMENT SINCE THE ORIGINAL PHOTO LOOKED LIKE SOME AI GENERATED IMAGE, BUT LOOK HOW THEY MASSACRED MY BOI—

[bubaboos]

due to popular demand (2 mutuals and me) i present to you my top ten movies watched in 2024!

i wanted to be fair and in the actual top 10 i've only included movies that premiered in 2024 in poland (with one exception) but i've also made a honorable mentions list and top short movies (because they deserve as much attention as feature films!). so, here it is! enjoy!☺

10. All Of Us Strangers (Andrew Haigh, 2023) 4/5 stars

It's one of the rawest, most intimate films I've ever seen. It makes you feel like and intruder of someone's deepest thoughts and feelings, as if you were reaching directly into the main characters' minds, souls and hearts. It's uncomfortable in the best possible way and it's very very real. The dialouges are so honest and emotional and gave me chills, some of the shots are out of this world and made me feel like I was personally there, basking in the sunlight or smelling the smoke. AND Andrew Scott and Paul Mescal are a perfect duo, their acting was so believable it makes you forget you're watching something fictional. It has it's flaws yes, but it also made me think about it for days. It's like a healing fever dream in which you're trying to make things better.

9. Evil Does Not Exist (Ryūsuke Hamaguchi, 2023) 4/5 stars

Damn. This one. You know, I wasn't really sure about it at first bc it is frustrating but then I think this film wants you to question it and that's a good thing about it. It's all about perspective and whether you actually believe that evil does not exist. It's a good reflection on grief, cruelty, humanity and how we choose to exist in this world. I wish it reflected more on nature and how we influence the envoirnment around us BUT I also understand why it didn't. It has a beautiful score from Eiko Ishibashi and some hypnotising, breathtaking cinematography. And it proves that evil does in fact exist and is stored in annoying glamping guys who disturb your routine and plan to destroy your envoirnment and community. Also, I'm impressed in Hamaguchi's ability to create a slow cinema film that's under 2 hours, that manages to actually give the story space it needs and resolves all important plot points.

8. Sometimes I Think About Dying (Rachel Lambert, 2023) 4/5 stars🖤

Touching and relatable in ways I wouldn't expect. It was a pretty personal watch for me so I might be biased but I think it's a very interesting take on mundanity, death (and fantasizing about it) and the mortifying ordeal of being known. The cinematography is beautiful, the story is written and told in such a gentle and understanding way, Daisy Ridley is simply great and the music score gives it all a nice touch and sets the mood perfectly - everything works together very well. Justice for boring girls who fantasize about death and live inside their heads!

7. The Beast (Bertrand Bonello, 2023) 4,5/5 stars

It NEVER went the direction I expected it to go and that's a VERY good thing in this case. It crawls under your skin and feels a little haunted. It's unpredictible so it keeps you guessing and wondering all the time and it never gives you a simple answer (and trust me, you'll have a lot of questions watching this), even at the end of the movie. It's a very complex reflection on relationships and love, modern world and gender dynamics, technology and history. It's surreal and realistic at the same time. Yes, you need to be patient with this film but it's worth it. Everything shown, said and done in this movie has its' purpose. And I'm in awe of Seydoux's and MacKay's acting here, it's incredible how they managed to play multiple characters that are basically the same people in different timelines and yet I couldn't recognise them sometimes.

6. Perfect Days (Wim Wenders, 2023) 4,5/5 stars 🖤

Well, it turns out I'm a sucker for some slow cinema. Another film that demands patience from you but it was one of the most memorable watches for me this year. I could watch Hirayama-san go about his life for 10 more hours. Yes, it's a little cliche but it also works because it knows exactly what it wants to achieve. It shows the beauty and freedom in the mundane and it also shows the prettiest public bathrooms you could imagine ajkfgjsfjadsgfaj no, but seriously, I really appreciate this movie for showing that sometimes "a boring life" is just... a good one. You don't need to do great things, you don't need to kill your soul for labor, you don't have to be proud of every choice in your life but it's also not worth it to dwell on the past. It's about whether you're satisfied with how you live now and your life can just be... ordinary. What's important is - are you free and living in harmony and true to yourself?

Some shots here are magical but what caught my attention the most was the sound design and how it adds to the story. I could talk about this movie for hours but I'll stop here.

5. How to Make Millions Before Grandma Dies (Pat Boonnitipat, 2024) 4,5/5 🖤

Have you seen all the videos of people sobbing in theatres as the credits of this film play in the background? I'm happy to inform that all this videos are true and I sobbed like a baby. I have a strong loving relationship with my grandma so this film was a very personal watch for me and a bitter-sweet one too. Guys, this film is a warm hug on a cold day, it's a beautiful, touching story about appreciating your loved ones (even if you lie to yourself that you don't actually care about them) and saying goodbye to them, when you really really don't want to. But it also made me laugh a lot and this is just how life is right? It's bitter-sweet and there's never enough time with the ones you love but it's still worth it. Some beautiful shots, great acting and a simply lovely story.

4. Challengers (Luca Guadagnino, 2024) 4,5/5 stars 🖤

Oh, where do I even start. I must admit that I was sceptical at first with all the hype this movie had and then I regreted SO MUCH that I didn't manage to see this in cinema😭 I just know I would've had an out of body experience. This movie had me sitting on the edge of my seat, pacing around the room, gasping and cheering. The tension is incredible but the pacing is also really good so the story isn't rushed but keeps you intrigued the whole time. The soundtrack is crazy good and got me hooked from the start, the main characters are so interesting and the cast did an amazing job. The final 30 minutes of this movie?! OUT OF THIS WORLD, I'm so serious. Challengers is like watching a very intense match of tennis between a divorced couple and their lover. Literally! And you will have the best time ever watching them and you will get involved and take sides. It's very fun and the cast is incredible, brain goes brrrr!

3. Anatomy of a Fall (Justine Triet, 2023) 4,5/5 stars 🖤

This film has it all. COURT DRAMA, great cast, trilingual queen accused of killing her asshole husband, dog's acting that's better than half of film industry, amazing child acting as well, hot loser lawyer, great script that never lets you get bored and cinematography that makes you feel like you're a part of it all. What I love about Anatomy of a Fall is that it forces you to come to conclusions yourself, not giving you an actual answer. Whether the main character is guilty or not is actually up to you. There were moments where I was totally hypnotised and immersed in the story with my whole body. It's complex but executed very well, so there's no loose plot points and there are so many details too but you also have to decide yourself if they matter or not. And the multilingual part is done SO WELL, it shows the struggle of existing in a foreign country, being forced to use languages that are not yours to build an image of yourself that can never be really true because it's not in your mother tongue and how it affects you in a very honest way imo. I kind of can't wait to watch it again.

2. Wham! (Chris Smith, 2023) 4,5/5 stars 🖤

(Okay, hear me out. So technically I watched this in 2025 already BUT! It was in the first days of january so in my head it still counts as 2024, okay? Okay. And besides, I really want to put it on this list because it belongs here.)

It's not easy to make a decent documentary and it's hard to make a good one. This one? It's very very good, great even. The editing and songs choices are excellent and the whole production feels like a conversation between George and Andrew, them recalling memories as if they were telling you their story at a cozy party. It made me miss Wham! and George a lot but it also made me appreciate Andrew a lot more and understand both of them better. It's lovely to see and hear their perspective on the whole phenomem that was Wham!. It's definitely my new comfort watch <3

1. Monster (Hirokazu Koreeda, 2023) 5/5 stars 🖤

AND THE WINNER IS... MONSTER!!! MOVIE OF THE YEAR, MOVIE OF THE DECADE, MOVIE OF THE CENTURY. TO ME! I've seen it several times, I've had the soundtrack on repeat for the whole year, it's my new comfort watch, I want to give it a whole chapter in my master's thesis, I can not shut up about it ever since I've seen it, it's serious. This film means so much to me at this point that it's hard to describe with words, but I'll try.

If you've seen any Koreeda's films before, you know the drill. He likes to tell subtle stories about what makes us human but he's never idealistic about it, most of the time it's just brutal truths about our world shown in a beautiful way. But he never leaves viewers without hope. And that's what Monster is as well.

It's about two boys, who become friends but we don't know that at first. The story is told from 3 perspectives - the mother's, the teacher's and finally the boys'. And it's an excellent choice because we get to learn everyone's motives behind their actions and then the actual course of events when it's time for the boys' perspective. It's not just "same story told from different POVs" - each POV brings something completely new and focuses on diffrent details. It's told beautifully, with so much understanding for each character and it's just so. gentle. You're waiting for the perspectives to collide, for bits and pieces to connect and show the whole picture and when they do... Let's just say, it's a rollercoaster of emotions. The story is simple but so complicated at the same time. It asks, who is the monster? Is being a monster actually a bad thing? Who decides about all that? I think it's an interesting choice of Koreeda's to answer these questions with this story and these characters.

I love so many things about this movie. It's a story I didn't know I needed. It's like watching someone's distant memories, it's like watching something, that will happen soon. The soundtrack from Ryūichi Sakamoto is perfect and only adds to that feeling. Actors? 12/10, amazing job, especially from the kids and Sakura Ando. The cinematography? Excellent.

I sobbed obnoxiously, I laughed, I was devastated, it was the most cathartic watch for me this year and in general. If you were to watch only one film from my list, I want it to be this one.

Honorable mentions:

1. The Matrix series (Wachowski duo, 1999-2021) 4,5/5 stars overall

2. When Harry Met Sally (Rob Reiner, 1989) 5/5 stars🖤

3. Shinjuku Boys (Jano Williams, Kim Longinotto, 1995) 5/5 stars🖤

4. Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind (Hayao Miyazaki, 1984) 4,5/5 stars🖤

5. Tokyo Godfathers (Satoshi Kon, 2003) 5/5 stars🖤

+bonus: Utrata równowagi (Korek Bojanowski, 2024)

Top 5 short films:

1. Pussy (Renata Gąsiorowska, 2016) 5/5 stars🖤

2. Knight of Fortune (Lasse Lyskjær Noer, 2022) 5/5 stars🖤

3. Nun or Never! (Heta Jäälinoja, 2023) 5/5 stars🖤

4. Taniec w narożniku (Jan Bujnowski, 2024) 4,5/5 stars🖤

5. Sierra (Sander Joon, 2022) 5/5 stars🖤

+ bonus: Invincible (Vincent René-Lortie, 2022), Left-Handed Pen (Adas Burkšaitis, 2024), Love, Dad (Diana Cam Van Nguyen, 2021)

letterboxd list with some bonus films: https://boxd.it/DmR84

[fluentmoviequoter]

The Price of Christmas Connections

Day 8 of 12 Days of Ficmas

Pairing: Dalton Lambert x reader

Summary: You knock on Dalton's door and offer him some Christmas cookies, and when he offers to pay, you gladly accept.

Warnings: so much fluff; I think I forgot how to write for Dalton.

Word Count: 0.9k+ words (sorry it's short, I liked the idea but couldn't figure out how to make it longer then got too busy to try)

A/N: Like I said in the warnings, I need to watch The Red Door again bc I feel like I'm not writing Dalton as well as I used to, but I have finals this week so this is the best I can do for now. I may revisit this next week and rewrite it if anyone is interested, but for now enjoy some fluff (which Dalton very much deserves after the semester he's had)!

The best part of JPU, in your opinion, is that your last class of the week is across from the art building. Better, is that you get to see the guy you wish you knew. You know his name because his friend yells it whenever she is around. But that is all you know about Dalton. Though you want to know more.

Dalton watches for you when he leaves Professor Armagan’s class, wondering what it would be like if he dared to introduce himself. You’ve waved at Dalton a few times, and he’s awkwardly returned it or pretended not to see you. Every time Dalton walks back to his dorm, feeling disappointed, ashamed, and prepared to get yelled at by Chris.

When December begins, you can’t help but imagine how different the holiday season would be if you could talk to Dalton, get to know him… fall in love with him. The last idea hits you out of nowhere, but you mean it. The rest of the students at JPU seem disinterested in the time of year, with no sign of the Christmas spirit anywhere to be seen. Deciding that something needs to be done, you pull on an invisible Santa hat and set out to bring the spirit of Christmas to JPU until everyone goes home for Christmas.

You pile all of the homemade decorated cookies (and some undecorated, in case someone doesn’t like icing) onto a Christmas platter you picked up from the nearby grocery store. After dressing up with a Mrs. Claus dress pulled over your warmest leggings and a long-sleeve thermal shirt, you leave your apartment and walk to the nearest dorm building. Nearly everyone on the first floor accepts at least one cookie. By the time you reach the third floor, you’re preparing to return to your apartment to refill the platter. As you knock on a door, you count the cookies and decide to offer the last three to whoever is in the dorm. The door opens, and you smile, hoping to spread a little light. You see Dalton on the other side of the door, and your smile grows.

“Hi,” you greet. “I’m handing out Christmas cookies, could I interest you in one? Or three?”

Dalton’s jaw drops nearly imperceptibly as he looks between you and the platter.

“I’ve been watching you, I wanted to meet,” he blurts out. His eyes widen as he rushes to correct, “I mean- not like stalker-watching you, I just know when you have class and I wait until I see you when you leave. No, that’s not better, um-”

You laugh, shifting the platter so you can lay a hand on his arm. “It’s okay. I’ve been wanting to meet you too,” you admit.

Dalton nods, unmoving because you’re at his dorm and touching him. His mind races, forming plenty of things to say, but nothing comes out.

“So, do you want a cookie?” you repeat.

“Oh, yes, please. You- you can come in, if you want, since you said you wanted to meet me.” Dalton cringes as he finishes, whispering an apology.

“Sure,” you agree, entering his dorm.

You set the cookies on a clear corner of his desk, walking to the edge of his bed to inspect the art on his wall. Each piece tells a different story and you feel like you know Dalton more after each picture.

“Are you selling the cookies, or? I mean, I’ll pay for them if you are,” Dalton says, watching you look at his pictures.

He notices your eyes light up as you turn to him and say, “No, I’m not selling them, just handing them out. I’ll accept payment anyway, though.”

Dalton’s brows furrow as his arms drop. You realize you confused him with the conflicting information, so you decide to show him instead. Grabbing his sweatshirt, you pull him to you, kissing him as payment for the cookies, for allowing you to come in and get to know each other, and most importantly, and the opportunity to fall in love with him.

When you pull away from him, breaking the kiss, his eyes remain closed as he mumbles, “That works.”

“I’m glad we finally met,” you tell him.

“Me too.”

“There’s still cookies over there.”

Dalton rolls his eyes and smiles before leaning in to kiss you again.

✯✯✯✯✯

After turning in your last test, marking the official beginning of Christmas break, you run to the art building and wait for Dalton to finish his final presentation for Professor Armagan’s class. When the door opens, you perk up, standing on your toes to watch for Dalton.

“Dalton!” you yell, waving at him when he appears.

He smiles, rushing down the stairs and pulling you into his arms as he asks how your final went. 

“Cookie girl!” several people yell, hooting and pointing at you. “Be my Mrs. Claus!” one of them requests.

“My cookie girl,” Dalton says shyly, looking into your eyes as his arms tighten around you.

“Your cookie girl,” you agree, boldly kissing him in front of all the students.

The previously interested guys boo playfully as they continue walking, and you hear Dalton’s friend yell his name in surprise. You pull back, turning into Dalton’s shoulder before facing her.

“This is Chris,” Dalton introduces you. “Chris, this is my cookie girl.”

You roll your eyes at Dalton as you shake Chris’s hand.

“Oh my gosh, my roommate saved me one of your cookies; they were so good!” she gushes.

“Best priced cookies I’ve ever gotten,” Dalton says as he wraps his arms around your waist and pulls you against him.

Because of a few cookies, you went from staring longingly across campus to see each other to running into his arms. They’re the best-priced cookies you’ve ever had, too.

[knot-ee]

They said thunderstorms were a bad omen. Lambert said it was just the fucking weather. Humans liked to exaggerate everything from a dead pigeon to browning herbs to pissing rain. One minute they were crying over the lack of rain, the next minute thunderstorms were brought upon by the work of a WITCHER. Country bumpkins really knew nothing other than drinking and pushing out little squirts.

If Witchers could control the weather, they'd be making an actual living traveling around the kingdoms. Most days, Lambert didn't even have anything worthy to kill. He bagged enough coins from robbing the dead to actually get his horse stabled and a room for himself. The first inn keeper wanted to kick him to the mud except the idiot knew better. There ain't no place for witcha's. As if Lambert wanted to stay in a place that smelled like chicken shit. The second innkeeper knew that coin was coin no matter whose hand or pocket it was in.

He kicked off his mud caked boots like he was home as soon as the door of his private room closed. It was decent considering he was used to sleeping under the stars and tree canopies. He couldn't remember the last time he had a bed even if the mattress was just stuffed with straw. Lambert continued to strip himself of his socks and his vest. Damp items were placed over the mantel of the fireplace where a weak fire was already going.

Kindle was added and he stirred the fire to more life with the iron poker. He washed his face in the wash basin, then washed his hands and arms to the elbow, and ran his wet fingers through his hair. He let the warm air dry him as he unceremoniously deposited himself into the wooden chair. He was two bites into a particular hard chunk of bread when his ears picked up footsteps. Footsteps only a witcher could hear. The smell of blood tainted the air too. Leather boots hitting mud. Rain hitting a tall and broad body.

It was more that he heard the interruption of the rain patter than the creature himself. Disgruntled villagers would be much louder. Armed soldiers louder still. Lambert grunted and slammed the bread down onto the table. He had his hand on the hilt of his silver sword as he moved to the door and opened it with no real finesse. He launched the thing open. The lightning cracked high and it bathed Alucard's @crimson-sorrow body in light. That blond hair, the pale skin, and all the blood.

Lambert's yellow eyes looked left and right. He hesitated. How did Alucard even find him and why? He grunted as he stepped aside -- a silent invitation inside the room. The door was slammed shut as soon as Alucard stepped forth and they were left to their privacy. A witcher and a damned half-vampire. He didn't even dare to think it was HIS blood. Did half vampires actually bleed? And who could hurt him for that matter; Lambert himself had struggled.

“ Did they deserve it? Not that it matters really but if there's a bounty for your head, you better believe you can't show that pretty face anywhere. ”

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Is It Really That Bad?

“Video game movies suck” is a trope I’ve felt was always kind of overblown. I think most adaptations of games lean more towards being mid or mediocre, but not flagrantly offensive. I also think more infamous examples like Super Mario Bros and Street Fighter are delightfully strange and campy cult classics in their own right, so even if they aren’t perfect translations of the source material to the screen they still manage to be worthwhile. But then I watch something like Annihilation and then I completely understand why this trope is a thing.

With a bigger budget and more characters at their disposal, you’d think maybe this would be the action-packed sequel fans were dreaming of, one that would address the flaws of the original film and build off the solid foundation it laid to deliver a truly Flawless Victory at the box office. But issues arose from the get go, as Robin Shou (Liu Kang) and Talisa Soto (Kitana) were the only two actors from the original to come back. Christopher Lambert took one look at the script and passed; Bridgette Wilson was too busy with I Know What You Did Last Summer, and Chris Cassamassa was too busy doing stunts on Batman & Robin to get over here and be Scorpion again; and Linden Ashby turned it down for a very big, unfortunate reason we’ll get to in a bit. Even the director had to change, as Paul W.S. Anderson had moved on to making the greatest Doom movie ever, Event Horizon. But hey, the tagline is “Destroy All Expectations.” Maybe that’s a good way to go into it!

Or maybe it was a terrifying prophecy because this film did so bad that it tanked director John Leonetti’s career until he made a comeback in the mid-2010s, was part of the double Flawless Victory with Brutality alongside Foodfight! that destroyed producer Lawrence Kasanoff’s career, and kept the franchise from receiving another theatrical adaptation until 2021. Kasanoff, Shou, and Anderson are all on record as hating the film, as well as Sheeva’s actress Marjean Holden (who was not pleased how she was killed without even getting a fight). But worst of all is the fact Ed Boon and John Tobias have denounced this as the very worst part of the franchise, which is perhaps the most scathing indictment of quality an adaptation could receive. Audiences have widely agreed with this assessment, with the film frequently appearing on (often near the top) of lists of awful video game movies and terrible sequels.

But really, it’s a cheesy 90s martial arts action movie. Surely it can’t actually be that bad, right? Other supposedly awful video game movies have either found a fan in me (Street Fighter) or ended up being perfectly average experiences (Double Dragon), so I decided to find out if this film’s reputation is exaggerated. Is the film’s reputation worth performing a Fatality on the franchise’s films for two decades, or did this deserve a Mercy or perhaps even a Friendship?

THE GOOD

As far as performances go, Robin Shou once again puts in a very good turn as Liu Kang. Sure, his dialogue isn’t as good and he doesn’t have any good characters to bounce off of like last time (spending most of the runtime with Kitana and then Jade), but Shou is just a really likable actor. He’s at least trying, and I will say that him coming back certainly helps make this movie feel less awful than it would’ve been without him. The recast actors are fine but they just don't have the right chemistry or coolness the OG ones do, so still having even just one onboard is enough to be considered a bit of a saving grace.

For new characters, Jax is actually pretty cool. Sure, his arms look like cheap plastic and Michael Jai White would’ve probably been better (although this would’ve robbed us of his performance as future MK guest fighter Spawn), but Lynn Williams is probably the most fun character in the film. Marjean Holden as Sheeva and Deron McBee as Motaro look pretty cool… mostly. Sheeva’s arms and Motaro’s legs are as awful as the rest of the effects in the movie and they have zero cool fight scenes, but at least the actors are trying hard and are stylish. Shinnok is a bit basic, being “we have Palpatine at home,” but he works well enough I suppose.

Uh, let’s see… The soundtrack is awesome once again. And, uh… Look, I’m trying, but I’m really stretching thin coming up with positives. I will say though that the biggest saving grace of this film is that it is one of the campiest, hammiest, stupidest films ever made. Everyone is overacting, everyone is delivering ridiculous dialogue, the costumes look like they were purchased at Spirit Halloween, and in general two minutes can’t go by without some new character popping in for an absurd fight sequence. I mean, how can you hate a film with peak dialogue like this?

THE BAD

The first film didn’t exactly handle every single character perfectly, but those feel like flawless adaptations compared to what we get here. It genuinely feels like every issue with the first film got cranked to 11—and maybe even beyond that. Remember how Scorpion and Sub-Zero were mindless mooks with no personality? Well, here come Rain and Ermac, the former being unceremoniously killed without doing anything and the latter being the “leftovers” Sonya fights at the end. Remember how Goro was an absolute jobber who got a joke fight? Sheeva isn’t even given that much dignity, she has a cage dropped on her and dies without a single punch thrown. Remember the clunky CGI on Reptile? Well check out Shao Khan’s janky-ass dragon form! Remember how Kitana was barely in the first one and was very thinly sketched as a character? Well, let’s do that again but also she’s now a damsel in distress for half the film (though I will say she’s definitely a lot better in this, and I think Soto did a good job all things considered)!

The big issue is that characters just seem to drift in and out of the film with little rhyme or reason. You have characters like Cyrax or Smoke who show up for a single fight scene that looks absolutely ridiculous thanks to the awful effects and cheap costumes; Baraka is the worst offender here, as he looks like a bargain bin Power Rangers knockoff villain. And then you have cool characters like Sub-Zero #2 or Nightwolf who have a single scene each, say they’ll help, and then just… disappear. Oh, and let’s not forget how Kabal and Stryker are unceremoniously killed and/or imprisoned by Rain offscreen with no appearance at all. They really wanted to cram everyone they could into this movie but they didn’t seem to understand why people like these characters, what makes us invested. It’s not just because of their magical martial arts prowess, it’s their lore and personalities too!

Which brings me to the character I’m most pissed about: Mileena. I love Mileena. She’s my main in MK11, and is easily the hottest lady on the roster (I could fix her). Beyond that, she has a super interesting backstory and a fascinating relationship with Kitana… so of course absolutely none of that is mentioned in the film and she just randomly shows up to mud wrestle Sonya before being anti-climatically dispatched. She doesn’t even share any scenes with Kitana, nor is her connection to her mentioned at all despite her very nature making her a perfect candidate for being a mole by impersonating her. Mileena definitely is up there with Goro in the “characters the adaptations can’t help but fumble” list, because she wasn’t much better in the 2021 film, but at least that Mileena had a little bit going for her. Both times I’ve watched this movie, Mileena’s part actually puts me to sleep. It’s really that boring, frustrating, and obnoxious. You don’t even get to see her pretty teeth or that sexy tongue of hers!

Shao Khan is also a massive letdown. Brian Thompson has the perfect build for the role, he’s got a good voice, and he’s trying so goddamn hard that it’s honestly admirable, but he is saddled with a script that makes him look like an incompetent little bitch at every turn. From sparing Raiden to killing Rain to just being short-sighted in general, Shao Khan is one of the dumbest fucking villains to ever grace the silver screen. And even if he was written better, he does one of the most unforgivably awful things a character has ever done.

Remember how I said Linden Ashby refused to come back for one very big reason? Well here it is: In the first five minutes of the film proper, Shao Khan unceremoniously snaps Johnny Cage’s neck and he is basically forgotten about for the rest of the film. No bouncing off Liu Kang, no romance with Sonya, and he dies like a complete idiot. Considering he was one of the best parts of the first film, it does boggle the mind how they thought this was a good move whatsoever. It’s even worse because at the film’s end when Raiden gets returned to life they don’t even bother asking the Elder Gods if their bro Johnny can get some of that life juice.

But hey, it’s not just the characters that suck! The visual effects do too, thanks to the movie being rushed out! The execs just did not give a shit about the artists begging for more time, and the result is some of the sloppiest CGI and effects ever put to screen. There’s clipping, there’s fake-looking prosthetics, there’s janky CGI and stop-motion, there’s visible wires and obvious stunt doubles… I honestly don’t think they got one single thing right at any point, even by accident. The “Special Effects Failure” trope on this film’s YMMV page on TVTropes is longer than any I’ve ever seen before—that’s impressive.

But hey, even if literally every other aspect of this film sucks, at least the fights are good… right? Aside from Scorpion vs. Sub-Zero (which is subject to plenty of bad special effects itself), no. The fights suck ass. Johnny getting killed in an embarrassing manner after one kick, the fake plastic suits for Smoke and Cyrax, the out-of-nowhere fanservice mud wrestle with Mileena, the final battle between SyFY-worthy CGI monsters… The literal one thing they should have been able to get right, the actual fucking thing this whole franchise is built around, and they still managed to turn in the sloppiest pile of shit imaginable. It would actually be impressive if it wasn’t depressing as all hell.

IS IT REALLY THAT BAD?

Oh, it absolutely fucking is. This movie is absolute ass.

It’s definitely a contender for the “so bad it’s good” label, but heavy emphasis on the bad; this is a piss-poor adaptation that looks all the worse next to the beloved film it’s ostensibly a sequel to. I don’t think it’s one of the worst films ever, or even one of the worst video game movies ever—I’ve seen Silent Hill: Revelation—but it might be the most embarrassing. They managed to fuck this up in every conceivable way, and also in multiple ways that no one would have even considered because who the fuck would be stupid enough to do it that way, right?

If someone were to put this on the list of the worst films ever, I couldn’t even argue. This movie worked hard to earn its minuscule IMDB rating, and even then I might say it’s a bit too kind. I don’t know who this film was made for, because it sure wasn’t Mortal Kombat fans. All that being said… I still don’t personally hate the film to any great degree. Sure, it’s an absolute disaster and it’s even worse now that I’m invested in the franchise, but it sucks in very funny ways. Like for all the money they funneled into this thing, it looks like the bastard love child of a bad Power Rangers episode and a cheap Goosebumps episode. And the sheer amounts of ham and cheese on display here makes this a veritable buffet for bad movie aficionados.

Unless you enjoy watching garbage like I do, avoid this film like you’re dodging your opponent’s Fatal Blow on your last sliver of health or else you’ll be locked into an infinite pain combo like the original game’s Sonya connected a Leg Grab on you. But if you do like shitty video game movies that suck ass… Boy is this film for you!

[isan0rt]

Jumping off this post, I feel like I see a lot of posts espousing their love for Dedue in general terms but I very rarely see content on Tumblr that actually engages with the complexities of his character (Pixiv is better about this tbh). And don't get me wrong, I love seeing Dedue content of all types. But often I see him relegated to ‘He’s a cinnamon roll who doesn’t deserve to have to be involved in this so I put him in a nice coffeeshop or bakery AU where he can be happy in a mundane way.” And like. I get how that can be a big wish fulfillment thing for some fans, and am not unilaterally knocking it.

But I also…feel like sometimes doing this is about removing Dedue from the narrative in a way that means fans don’t have to sit with the discomfort of actually engaging with the themes he brings to the table.

It’s easy to just say “oh he’s too good for this narrative, too pure” and put him on a bus that looks like a twee little flower shop, because it means that you don’t have to engage with the fact that he is also just as emotionally damaged as the other Lions. You don’t have to engage with the ways in which he is gentle and kind by nature but choosing, of his own volition, to be part of the violence of the war effort because it means something to him. You don’t have to engage with the fact that he is subjected to constant racism in the academy phase by his own teammates, and that he grits his teeth and bears it because he is trying to accomplish something. That he is intentionally making himself the face of Duscur and choosing not to retaliate even though he would be WELL within his rights, because he is on an uphill PR campaign and Felix and Ingrid are the people he has to bring around, because they are the people the king he’s backing needs in his corner to restore Duscur without just getting immediately overthrown by his own lords. The Western lords have done it before! Without the Eastern lords’ backing, Dimitri will barely get to warm the throne before his head is rolling in the mud like his father’s.

If Dedue quits and just goes and opens a cute little restaurant somewhere, you don’t have to grapple with the fact that he loves Dimitri personally, but the political situation means he cannot just be his friend. Dimitri doesn’t get it. Dimitri wants to get it. Dimitri wants to snap his fingers and make Faerghus respect Dedue like he does, recognize Duscur’s innocence like he does. Dedue understands it will never work that way. He understands that the closer he appears to Dimitri, the more biased Dimitri will appear to the people who are determined to hate Dedue and everyone like him, and the easier it will be to dismiss him. Dedue knows that the prejudice of the people of Faerghus can’t just be wiped away so easily; he knows that it’s not rational, that there’s not any basis for it, and so declaring their innocence is not going to work like Dimitri expects.

But at the same time, Dedue knows Dimitri is the only fucking person in Faerghus with any kind of political power who gives the slightest fuck about reparations to Duscur, and if he dies, Dedue’s people will never see justice. Rufus will simply make it all go away, whatever way is the most convenient. The exact same way he made Lambert and his reforms and his peace treaty go away; with murder and scapegoating. Dedue sees this, even when Dimitri isn’t willing to.

And at the same time, he wants to keep Dimitri safe because keeping Dimitri alive in the hell that was the Tragedy of Duscur is the only fucking thing of value that came out of a nightmare that was otherwise an unbearable loss. He also has nowhere else to turn, and nowhere left to go, and no one else left alive who loves him and cares if he lives or dies. If he leaves Dimitri’s protection, he will never be safe himself. It’s only a matter of time until he’s used as a political football by Cornelia if no one else. If he’s out of the way playing nice little barista, you don’t have to grapple with the fact that Dedue can’t just walk away and expect to be left alone.

You also don’t have to grapple with the fact that he doesn’t want to. To grapple with the fact that being helpless to stop the Tragedy changed him fundamentally, so he can never go back to being innocent the way he was before. The fact that he has a fundamental need to effect change himself, the fact that he came back after five years and the first thing he asked was to be allowed to witness the new, better world himself, with his own eyes, on the front lines. That he needs to make the Tragedy worth something in his own soul in order to live with it.

To grapple with the fact that Dedue is the only retainer to both outlive the Lord of his route on other routes, and to decide to personally finish the mission himself, anyway. Hubert doesn’t; his allegiance is to Edelgard personally, and not to her ideals beyond the fact that they’re hers; he dies in every non-Crimson Flower route well before you reach Edelgard. Hilda certainly doesn’t; you can recruit her away as long as you’re not backing Edelgard, and Deirdru is the last place she appears if you don’t recruit her. Dedue cannot be recruited, and yet, no matter what route, he personally faces Edelgard himself, even if Dimitri is dead. Even if the odds are against him in every possible way. He can’t die in Silver Snow or Verdant Wind! He is the only retainer who cannot die except in Crimson Flower!

Unless you, the player, betray him. Unless you, the player, decide that what matters to him doesn’t matter to you. Unless you, the player, decide to let his people die, when it is the only thing he asks of you, to give him the power to save them. If you don’t live up to his expectations, if you choose to not allow Dimitri to be the leader who cares about Duscur that he believed Dimitri to be, that is the only circumstance in which it’s even possible for Dedue to die outside of Crimson Flower.

And that’s uncomfortable. Dedue’s themes and narrative weight are uncomfortable. He challenges the player, like he challenges the other Faerghus characters, to look him in the face and understand his humanity. He demands that the player sit with discomfort and the injustice of his circumstance. He demands the player care about what he cares about if they want to retain him. He demands that, and refuses to be sidelined, refuses to go away, refuses to stop doing the hard thing even though it doesn’t have to be him that does it, because he is the only one with the power to do what he does for Duscur. The only one who can advocate for them the way he does. He wants to be on the front lines in that fight.

But in a happy little bakery, he’s harmless, isn’t he. Then you just don’t have to think about it anymore.

[justarandomsixfan]

This week in SIX Chaos!

Another surprisingly quiet week for America. Broadway has again, had no notable chaos take place, other than (Replacement??) Alt Nicole Kyoung-Mi Lambert Suddenly going on for the role of Cleves on the 22nd/23rd despite almost a month of no shows & other Cleves cover Jana Larell Glover being within the building, having done the matinee on the 22nd

Over on the Boleyn tour, Alternates seem to finally be getting into the swing of things! New alt Caroline Siegrist has finally made their Tour Debut in the role of Katherine Howard after nearly 2 entire months of being with the cast! A parr debut may also be on the horizon, as we have pictures of her in full costume & Makeup!

Australia has seen it's 1st Midshow-swing on for the 2024 cast! Silver swing Chiara Assetta replaced Primary Cleves Zelia Rose Kitoko After the number "Don't lose ur head" on The evening show of the 22nd!

In london, The production seems to have lost its 2 divorcee's for a short while. Whilst Primary Cleves Reca Oakley was expected, given her American heritage & obviously wanting to be with her family over the Holidays, Nikki Bentley was supposed to re-join the production over a week ago! Hope she feels better soon! Alternate Hannah Lowther has also unexpectedly gone on for their 2nd cover, Boleyn yesterday.

And here we are again, with the Uk tour.

Beginning on a positive note, Principal Boleyn Yna Tresvalles has returned to the production after a well deserved break!

Now. Somehow, the Tour has found itself in even MORE chaos than it's previous stop, which involved queens re-debuting roles after 2 years!

1: Primary Parr Eloise Lord is yet to return to the production, having not performed a show since December 1st! In addition, primary Seymour Liberty Stottor seems to have also unfortunately fallen ill. As with Nikki, hope both queens feels better soon.

2: Because of this, Previous Super Swing Harriet Caplan-Dean has been re-called once again to perform multiple parr shows whilst her current contract, The uk tour of &Juliet, is on a Christmas break. She now holds the record for the most emergency covers in any production of SIX, comically beating out Another Harriet, Harriet Watson.

3: Alternate Milly Willows is once again playing Principal, this time with her other first cover, Catherine of Aragon. She has not had 1 show off!

4: A MASS of 2nd cover debuts & Debuts have been suddenly announced, more than likely to balance out the utter pandemonium that has suddenly befallen the tour! A: Izzy Formby-Jackson Shall debut the role of Cleves on December 29th, leaving her 5/6 for swingo! B: Lorren Santo-Quinn Shall finally re-unite with her previous prinaipal queen, Boleyn on December 31st! C: And finallly, Milly Willows shall debut the role of Seymour on January 2nd 2025! Good luck to them all!

We can only hope the currently ill queens take the time needed to rest up & get better. Happy Christmas, and tune in Next Tuesday for more SIX Chaos!

[limerental]

limerental's fic writing reflection 2024

this year i posted a total of 128,831 words on ao3 in 41 total fics. the fandom tag I used most frequently was The Witcher (Video Game) with 22 total fics, the ship i wrote the most was Isengrim/Dijkstra with 5 total fics, and the character I wrote the most was Vernon Roche with 13 tagged fics.

lmao. How did this happen to me? for real

fic by fic reflection under the cut

i started off the year (literally posting the first chapter December 31st 2023) with parallel lines, a reynard odo/vernon roche 5+1 featuring book and game canon blending, lots of political intrigue interspersed with pwp, and excessive character studies. i'm really fond of how this one turned out, especially the +1 outsider pov chapter, and i'll always like this very niche rarepair.

in january i finally finished a playthrough of tw3 and wrote sanctuary, a keira/lambert ficlet as a love letter to the unparalleled snark and banter and horniness between those characters.

mid-february, i started working on chained, a iorveth/roche slave caravan forced proximity handcuffed together canon divergent fic which is frankly one of the most immediate fic i've ever written and therefore also the most i've ever written about bodily functions (this is saying a lot as someone with a piss kink). what a wonderful endorsement for that fic!

after finishing chained in mid-march, i immediately started putting roche in more situations with homesick (letho/roche), punishment (dijkstra/roche), and curiosity (isengrim/roche). i won't say they're my favorite little fics of the year, but they were satisfying enough to write.

i then suffered a fascinating diversion into being briefly possessed by ghostsoap of the call of duty shoot and kill people in the head video game and so wrote try to wake up which was about uh... shooting in killed people's uh... in their.... um.

i took most of may off for my sanity (in my real person life, i work in horticulture managing retail greenhouse production. may is a blur) and toward the end of the month started (spite)-writing my ciri/everyone fic carry what i need to carry. it ended up being lots of fun and also my longest fic of the year. the ships and characters list on this one is truly intimidating to look at, but i'm really pleased with how I managed to deal with and depict ciri's sexual trauma, especially that side of things was so fully neglected in other adaptations.

in late july, i started replaying tw2 and write come back to me in a blur which is a yenralt canon divergence fic where yen came to flotsam instead of sile.

in august, i started on claimed, the iorveth pov sequel to chained which was essentially a prolonged roche whump sickfic with a side of iorveth shaking his fists at trees. i like this one nearly as much as the first installment, probably because of the excessive amount of banter.

my second non-witcher diversion of the year was a deadpool & wolverine fic, we deserve a soft epilogue, and the metacomedy of it all was deeply deeply fun to write. side note as a big enjoyer of the first deadpool movie, it's an actual crime that vanessa is written out so often haha hehe

and that was it! i spent october drafting ideas for my ficletvember 2024 where i wrote a fic a day for all of november, ending up with 28k. this year it was a pretty eclectic mix of twn and game and book canon.

overall i feel like though i wrote less than previous years, the stuff i did put out had more substance to them and were better written. i never could have written that ciri fic or claimed or even parallel lines in 2020. for one, no one could have predicted the absurd niche canon deep dive i've fallen into the past year. me?? writing more games canon than anything else?? it's truly whacky goofy. i wouldn't change any of it or the supportive crevices i've crawled into this past year.