#last couple weeks have been horrible to me but i feel like i've also learned a lot about myself & who i am & who i've always been

[felizusnavidad]

thinking about alexander longing for something to be a part of hamilton & and nina you are gonna change the world someday rosario, but also about my past & my future & i feel like i can finally see... the light?

[tan1shere]

Slumber Party

Ellie williams x fem reader!

A/n: Hello my lovelies, first post on here (more active on wattpad) but thought I'd occasionally post here when I'm bored. If you have any requests at all they're definitely open! Also this is kinda short but I don't plan on making the next part as short. Enjoyyyy ☆°•

My masterlist

Summary: like the song slumber party. Ellie thinks she can treat you better then your shitty girlfriend

Warnings: smut, (not in this chapter) read at your own risk (mdni) Dom but soft, protective, ellie! Reader is quite innocent, is very soft also. Cunnilingus (duh- also not in this chapter) your girlfriend in this is an asshole. Abuse, somewhat angst, crying. Lmk if there was anything else!

Pt 2 here! ~ pt 3 here!

Ellie hated Isabel, your girlfriend. She treated you horribly, and Ellie really hated when you'd bawl your eyes out over the phone to her whenever Isabel would storm out of your shared apartment. She hated the fact anyone would make you cry. She never liked seeing you unhappy. Isabel shared this hatred. She never liked you hanging around Ellie, even if you have known Ellie almost all your life. She would scold you after everytime you and her would hang out. You'd come back to the apartment smiling. "What're you smiling about?" You just smile more happy to tell. "Ellie she makes the funniest jo-" "I don't like you being round her Y/n." You would always stare blankly at her, struggling to find the words, leaving your mouth open while you ponder.

Today was not off to a great start. Ellie had just been over, you two were having such a great time. "I should probably get going squirt." She would flash her smile at you, ruffling your hair slightly, as she stood to go to the door. Ellie was a bit older then you, and come to think of it so was Isabel. Let's just say you had a thing for older ladies. (Only by like 6 years) You also stand up, seeing her out and saying goodbye. But as you open the door you're met woth those dark brown eyes. Isabel had just arrived back from work. She glares at the auburn haired girl, making her way inside. "Well hi to you too." Ellie scoffs then looks at you. "Text you when im home." You give her a small nod and a smile before she leaves to her car. You turn around to be faced with a stern Isabel. "You know how I feel about her being in our home. Especially when I'm not here." You never really talk back to Isabel you always apologize and go into the kitchen to make food. She was truly a bitch and she started showing her true colors the moment you two moved in together. You never understood what you would do so wrong. You made every dinner. Every lil food she'd want. The laundry. Just to please her. And although it'd work, it'd never last. "I'm sorry Iz.. She just really wanted to show me this art she was working on and in person. Nothing more I swear." She let's out a scoff. "Why should I believe you it's almost every day you spend with her. It's sickening and pathetic." You stare at her as she says that. She would always make you feel stupid. When in fact you were quite smart you knew what most things meant. Maybe not so much bedroom stuff. But you were book smart nonetheless. Speaking of bedroom. You were basically a virgin. You've kissed Isabel many times done a lil something here and there but it was definitely not much. So you were certainly not confident on that subject. Although Ellie would tell you all sorts of stories about the girls she's been with. It fascinated you to learn all these new terms and what everything was. "I promise to talk to you before hand next time-" She instantly cuts you off. "Why are you still standing here. Cook, I've been working all day." She spits going to your guys shared bedroom. You sigh doing so. And that was your life.

It was maybe a couple weeks after, you had felt like you were coming down with something so you decided that bed rest was the best thing. It was now 3 in the afternoon. You were sleeping in your bed when the door busted open. "What the fuck are you still doing in bed it's almost 4!" Isabel was home and not happy. You sit up a bit. "Yes I know I'm sorry bu-" She drops her bags. "This place is a mess, there's dishes out. Foods not even ready. Laundry is still in the hamper. What fucking else." You look at her softening your look. "Iz, I'm sorry- I woke up feeling horrid so I decided to stay in bed." She shakes her head. "Even when I have the worst headache known to man I still get my ass up and work. You know all that sweet money, I work for that. And you work here that is your job." This was one of the moments were you'd feel bad for yourself. Weak. Weaker right now considering you're sick. You look down at the sheets. "Are you even listening to me? You spoiled brat." She doesn't do what she does next often but when she does you know you're in the shit. She hits you. Hard. "Wonder why I have a headache all the time. It's you and your whiney voice. Look at how pathetic you are." She glares down at your drowsy figure. You feel tears finally sting as you had held them in. Refusing to let yourself be so weak, but you give in. Feeling overwhelmed with emotions right now. "What the fuck are you gunna be like when I go away in a few weeks huh? You better keep this place spotless you know about the cameras. I'll be watching you." Yes. The oh so lovely cameras. They're only in the kitchen, living room and laundry. The only places you slave away at. "I will iz I promise." She hums. "I'll believe it when i see it. I needa go out and grab some stuff. Make sure dinners ready when I get back." She says before getting her keys and leaving. You then sob. Letting it all out as you shakily grab your phone going to the only person who knows how to comfort you. Ellie.

When she arrives not long after, giving a honk. You go outside and get in the passenger seat. "Off anywhere?" You shake your head. "No that's alright. I don't want to get yelled at.." Ellie sighs. "Bub, you can't keep letting her treat you like this-" "if I left I'd have nowhere to go Els.." She keeps looking at you. "Yes you do. Mine." You let out a small breath looking down at your hands. "Everythings so messy." She nods, even if you can't see. "I know angel but my offer still and will forever stand. I think you should take it." You just wipe the small tears forming at your eyes. "How was your day?" She hates how you change the subject. She always has. She wants to talk about it with you more. Comfort you more. "Pretty easy going. Do you want a hug love?" You shake your head. "Its best if you don't come near me right now-" "I promise it's not gunna affect me if you cry. You know that." You nod. "I know, but I'm sick- thats why she yelled at me.." She furrows her brows. "She got mad at you because you weren't feeling well? What a fucking bitch." You sigh, in the midst of a slight cough. "Angel you should go back in and rest. Let me help-" You immediately shake your head. "She'd know you were there. I- I couldn't risk that." You always felt awful. Not because you got yelled at but because she would want to pick a fight with Ellie too. Ellie was older then Iz too, more mature. Never bought into her crap. "I'll make sure she doesn't yell at you, you really need rest you work your ass off-" You stop her talking. "I don't want her to try anything with you Els." She shakes her head. "She won't. I promise just let me make you some soup and tuck you in. Please, just that." You contemplate whether or not you should but you nod regardless.

She was making the soup trying to be as speedy in hopes she wouldn't bump into Isabel. "Here you go. Say you made it for yourself. I also cleaned a lil." She sends you a wink. And when she says a lil she means the whole lot. "Els, you seriously didn't have to." She smiles gently. "No but I wanted to. I also made something else. Knowing grump would be hungry when she gets back." You look at her so thankful. "You have no idea how much I appreciate you." She gives you a kiss on the head. "Call if you need anything else. I love you." She says while looking in your eyes. "I love you too Els." You respond sweetly. Oh how stupid you were to realize how INlove she was with you. But she plans to show you sooner or later. As she's the one you should truly, be with.

[foolishlovers]

hi jane! how are you? 💕 i looove your fic recs and i always wanted to ask for some, too... but i never knew what kind of fics i would ask for bc i'm uncreative af lol ANYWAY i've been feeling pretty low these past few days now and i could use some fluffy sweet ineffable idiots/friends to lovers fics to cheer me up..? doesn't really matter if short or long, au, fix-it, explicit or not... i'm not picky (tho i prefer longer fics) 👉🏻👈🏻 do you have some recs? or even personal faves? i'd love to see them, pretty please? (i'm also reading/have read your wip's and finished fics and i love ALL OF THEM V MUCH just so you know that!! anyway, i hope you're doing good! have a great start to the week mwah 💕✨️)

addi hi you’re are so very sweet!! i’m sending you all my hugs and i hope you’ll feel better soon 💜

here are some of my favourite idiots/friends to lovers good omens fics:

Something We Were Withholding Made Us Weak by triedunture (M, 17k) "Yes, exactly. Retire." Aziraphale reaches for the last remaining tartlet brimming with summer berries. "Somewhere along the south coast, perhaps." Or: Crowley and Aziraphale learn to move in tandem.

You are HoMe (Half of Me) by angelsnuffbox (T, 28k) Aziraphale had gotten dumped, plain and simple. But that small detail wasn’t nearly as important as all the things that happened after he’d gotten dumped - such as coming to a few realisations about his best friend of sixteen years.

Hope Is The Thing With Feathers by Gefionne (M, 28k) Because they can’t see each other more than once every few decades, Aziraphale suggests that he and Crowley write to each other to pass the time apart. As quills for their letters, they exchange wing feathers: a gesture of great intimacy that Crowley is convinced only he perceives the depth of. But time will tell that it’s not just him who sees it that way.

32 Questions That Lead To Love by ffonippop (E, 32k)

”First formulated in 1997, [32] questions to fall in love is a study by psychologist Dr. Arthur Aron which took place at Stony Brook University, New York. The aim? Speeding up the creation of intimacy between two strangers.” The Cosmopolitan

Okay, fine.

Crowley was 32-Questions-That-Lead-To-Love-ing Aziraphale. Sue him.

He had no expectations, all right? Just, an innocent curiosity.

Between Comfort And Chaos by anathxmadevice (T, 45k) “And how long have you two been a couple?” “Oh, I—” Aziraphale panics. “Ha, well, that’s a funny… We’re not actually—” “We’re just friends.” Crowley says, their voice clear and calm and lightly amused, either because of or in spite of Aziraphale’s flailing attempts to divert the conversation. “Ah, yes, quite.” Aziraphale says, then takes a sip of his drink just for something to do, instead of focussing on the way Crowley said just friends, and how it causes a painful throb in his chest that he has never fully got used to. His memory can only scrabble at the edge of a time where being just friends with Crowley didn’t feel like a particular form of torture. Or, Aziraphale has been desperately in love with his best friend and housemate Crowley since they were students, but is too scared to do anything about it.

Won't You be My Neighbor? by Spiro, ProblematicPitch (T, 52k) When Mr. A. Z. Fell moves to the quiet English village of Tadfield, he expects nosy neighbors and inquiries into his eccentric, solitary life. What he doesn't anticipate is Anthony J. Crowley, the surly nuisance / next-door-neighbor, who might very well need a friend as much as he does.

Good Endings by WyvernQuill (T, 56k) A Narrative of Certain Events following the Ending of the World (Except Not Quite), as vaguely hinted at in The Slapdash and Not Very Helpful Prophetic Tidbit of Agnes Nutter, Witch (And Matchmaker.)   "Their lives are in horrible, terrible danger that only we can save them from!" Anathema held up the Prophetic Tidbit. "It says so. Right here." Madame Tracy peered at the page. Raised a meaningful eyebrow. "Dearie, as a woman of, well, considerable experience, I really don't think that's what 'the lyttle Deathe' means in this context…" "Huh." Anathema squinted. Flipped the page. Read another bit. "….huh."   (Or, alternatively: Eight - give or take - matchmakers trying really, really hard, honest; two clueless ethereal/occult beings mutually pining their endless days away; and one witch, who can't leave well enough alone when it comes to matters of the heart, no matter how many centuries ago she died.)

Barriers, and the Breaking Thereof by Cardinal_Daughter (M, 71k) Ezra Fell has long been comfortable in his loneliness. He’s content to simply run the Soho Public Library and otherwise keep to himself. However, when a handsome stranger bursts in one evening with a baby, frantic and in need of help, Ezra finds those carefully constructed barriers he’s long maintained begin to crack. Perhaps it’s time to let them fall. Human AU. Complete.

Put Out The Fire by Aleakim (T, 133k) Aziraphale finds himself in a very awkward position as some sort of spell makes everyone merely glancing in his direction instantly fall deeply and desperately in love with him. Absolutely everyone. Well, apart from Crowley, that is. And while both angel and demon search for a solution to this fairly unique problem, Crowley can’t help wondering whether Aziraphale might finally figure out some things he kept hidden for so very long. [you can request more fic recs here]

[i-love-my-boyfriend]

last name.

summary: everybody calls u by ur last name, hoping that ur last name turned into his.

"hi [last name]!" "[last name]! hey over here!" "yo [last name]."

it's not that i'm bothered by it but when did this all start? after all, i do have an first name. all these racing around my head. i don't know why do i become so hyperfocused on something i can't necessarily control? it's just a name.

"hey [last name]!" i look up from my phone, a familar voice speaking out in contrast to the loud classroom.

"how did u do on the math test last week?" he looks back from the desk he's sitting at, smiling and waiting for what i'm about to say.

i sigh, knowing my response. "i got an 83%. not horrible but this is the worst test grade i've gotten so far."

"ahh. yeah that math unit was hella hard. i'm pretty sure our whole GRADE was confused." he also sighs, looking out the window.

i zone out, focusing on his features. although we've been friends for 2 years, i've always admired him from a far. not only his face but how he is as a person. i've never seen him ever yell, get mad or anything. it's like he's never had any flaws.

i'm taken out of my enchantment as the bell rings. great.

"good morning everyone! the bell has rung, which is our cue to learn!" honestly, how is my math teacher so peppy, even in the morning?

i watch him turn around to face front, his fluffy hair blocking my view.

there is just something about him. his face, his personality, his hair. all of it creates a huge whirly feeling inside my chest.

i'm sure this is what love feels like but why? i've been friends with him for 2 years. to have not felt something like this within that time? or maybe i have always felt this type of feeling in my body.

you're becoming hyperfocused on yourself again. oopsies. moving on.

i've always thought about the future, my future. who i would have as friends and who i wouldn't. my house, my job, my husband and kids. trying to imagine all those things is hard but i still find myself to include him in all those categories, especially the husband department.

over the next couple days, the thought of him as my boyfriend and husband has been eating at me. i mean how could i ignore it? i talk to him everyday, see him everyday. it's like i can't escape him.

just the thought about being called 'mrs. [his last name]' has me kicking my feet. i think at this point, with the amount of thinking i have done over him, i need to accept the fact i am in love with this idiot.

"[last name], you okay? you look like really out of it." oops, forgot i was at lunch. wish i was in my own little bubble, away from the world.

"huh? oh yeah sorry, just thinking." i chuckle nervously.

he speaks up. "oooh thinking about what?" he wiggles his eyebrows, up and down.

"oh my god, shut up." i slap his shoulder. "it's not like that. just thinking about future is all."

"am i in it?" wiggling his eyebrows, again.

yes, you are. and in it, i'm your loving, patient, supportive wife, with your last name. mrs. [his last name].

author note: hello everyone! this is my first post. i don't write often so if you have any (constructive) criticism, please let me know abt how i can improve my writing! i also write on my phone and without autocorrect sooo sorry if there any misspelled worda throughout. thank u for reading and hope ur doing well :).

[wwilloww]

update: where i've been part two

hi! hello! my beautiful friends!

good god i have missed you so very much. i am so sorry i've been away.

back in september of last year i popped onto tumblr to tell you all where i've been. i had every intention of coming back to write but it just... never happened. i got sucked back into the vacuum of school and thesis and old friends and new friends and a new relationship with a really lovely girl.

i've been thinking a lot about why i haven't been active on here. tbh i don't go a day without thinking of this community and the stories i've left unfinished and untended to. heads up, the next couple of paragraphs are a little personal, so please treat them with some tenderness.

the fall brought a lot of really big changes for me and looking back i realize my stopping writing on here is a result of me trying to integrate those big changes into my life.

first off, i've been working nonstop on a book (a book!!!) which is also my thesis for my master's. i really underestimated how much time and creative energy this book would take. i've learned so much though, both in regards to form and craft, but also as a person, finding out so much about who i am.

then, after the combination of moving away from my shitty old apartment, changing my thesis project from anger and depression to something focused on joy and reconnection, and making some big mindset changes, i felt so strangely free. 🌱 at first, i thought it was just a windfall. that it'd last for a couple of days. but as the fall semester went on, i felt lasting relief from some mental health issues i've been struggling with as a result of a horrible, horrible relationship that lasted the entirety of my teen years. the change was incredible. it was like my body and mind were functioning again. i felt happy. like actually, really happy. and when i wasn't happy, i was content.

on top of that, this fall prompted me to re-explore my sexuality. i didn't know where my relationship with fanfiction fit into this new understanding of myself, and i'm still parsing it apart.

so. i'm still figuring all of these things out, and i think having a space away from showing up online was really crucial to that growth.

every day i've been away from tumblr i've missed it and i've missed you guys and i think it's time to come back. last year this time, i was writing 1k+ a day for sh., and the seasons reminded me of how special and wonderful it was to be deep in that creative process. i don't know if it's realistic to promise a chapter a month, but i would like to put out a chapter in the next two weeks, as i've been working on it bit by bit over the last couple of months.

this is all to say:

sh. and my unfinished projects will continue, as will new projects. i'm going to keep writing.

thank you all for being here, even when i'm not. you all are such a beautiful community and i feel so so happy to be a part of this group of fantastic people.

thanks for being my friends. thank you for believing in and uplifting my writing. you're incredible.

with love,

willow 🌱💕

[griefabyss69]

Writing Patterns!

Rules: list the first line of your last 10 (posted) fics and see if there's a pattern!

Tagged by @jamiethegardener55!!! Thank you <3 <3 <3 (I'll go in order from oldest to newest and I'm putting anything in a series together! I'm also not including microfics because then most of these would be those <3)

Eddie's been telling himself for a whole week now that today is the day! [ so take a bite of me, just once - Steddie - E - 10K - LARP AU 04]

Eddie's nerves are shot, barely sparking like frayed wires and setting off little fires in his brain, system alarms yelling about an Imminent Meltdown. [ Intermission - Steddie - E - 7.7K - LARP AU 05]

The thing Eddie has going on with Steve is... not complicated when he puts it into words, mumbling to himself in the shower like he would after arguing with someone, trying to reason out where it grates at him – but it's messy, both one of the most deeply satisfying things he's ever had and one of the most frustrating. [ Run Me Through - Steddie - E - 9.5K ]

The darkness of his room at bedtime is pretty relaxing, especially during the deadest hours of morning when even the most obnoxious of the people in the area – mostly himself, at least on weeknights – have decided to finally turn off their music and shut the fuck up for the night. [ Constrained - Steddie - E - 10.1K - No Nut November Part 01 ]

Though he'd stayed away for the past couple of days, holed up by himself in his room with his guitar or a notebook – processing – his brain was still alive and well on Steve's bedroom floor. [ Restrained - Steddie - E - 22K - No Nut November Part 02 ]

You'd think that all of the near-death experiences and injuries and horrible secret knowledge they’d all had would make a group of people like, forthcoming about their feelings. [ Ample Fire Within - Steve & Robin - G - 1.7K ]

There are rays of golden sunshine washing Eddie's hair and skin in honey yellow, and all Steve can think about is getting him into his mouth somehow. [ All Things Will Pass - Steddie - E - 5.9K ]

If you asked anyone, Steve and Eddie are like total opposites, but Steve doesn’t really believe that these days – the more he thinks about him, the more he talks to him, the more he realizes he and Eddie are similar in so many ways. [ Transcending Dualities - Steddie - E - 10.4K ]

The bats had left echoes in his head, Eddie's fucking sure of it. There's something leftover inside of him from the other dimension, something evil from the tunnels and gates not too far from where he still lives. [ All You Gotta Do - Steddie - E - 1.8K ]

At first Eddie thinks, "I'm into him because I need a place to direct all of this." [ Champagne Buckshot - Steddie - E - 1.2K ]

I've learned that my first sentences are way too long a lot of the time LMAO but it's okay, I still like them

Tagging anyone who wants to do it!!! Feel free to @ me when you do <3

[jackmfvegas777]

How is hormone therapy going? I've considered it myself but I'm nervous about it. Can you tell me a little about what its like? :)

Ah, thank you so much for asking!! I appreciate it!!

Well, the experience is really quite vastly different for every person on HRT.

For me, it was one of the best choices I have ever made in my life. I was hopelessly and horribly dysphoric for my whole life to the point of nearly not being able to function (dysphoria coupled with severe mental illnesses is for sure A Bad Time) and I was lucky enough to be able to get on it fairly early, thank God because I probably would not have lasted longer-apologies for that dark subject but it is necessary to mention for how much it turned my life around entirely.

I am still not fully transitioned to my liking per sé, as the full range of Testosterone's complete effects is a maximum of 5 years according to my research. I have been on it for nearly 2 years now. I plan to be on it for the rest of my life if possible, as I'd like all effects to stay forever-- I fucking ADORE every second of it, honestly I'm not afraid of needles either like most are so I literally get ecstatic & excited every time it's time to inject LOL!! Probably a weird reaction but--it legit makes me wanna throw a party every time those 2 weeks pass & it is time to.

(Not all forms of HRT have to be injected however, though it is the "strongest, most evenly distributed form" especially if done every 2 weeks instead of every 1 week,

as my doctor described it, which made me choose it--and coupled w my lack of giving a shit about injecting lmaoo)

I have had a lot of effects, I am also finally growing actual facial hair which is nice-though I learned I prefer my face clean-shaven or at least mostly, which is a hilarious twist tbh as I thought I'd want a full beard. I'm cool with both but I definitely prefer how I look without, so I shave every now & then currently.

My body looks entirely different, at least my shoulders and arms HELLA, I've had strong asf cis men say I'm built better than them which gives me giggle-fits of pridefulness LMAO--im petty ig--

but anyway to get to the true point--I would not be where I am today or perhaps here at all, myself, if I didn't go on it and exactly when I did. I am so extremely grateful for it occurring and that I have access to it at all--I am honestly hardly feeling dysphoria except on Really Bad days when it still hits me. Even things I should be dysphoric about and was in the past, idgaf about now. My chest barely bothers me now, and used to be my personal Hell. I have even decided to not do top surgery in the future which is... really bizarre as I was DESPERATE for it before (however this most-dysphoria-removal effect seems to be rare, so don't expect it to "cure" dysphoria, it didn't for me either but I'd say reduced it by like 90% or something lol. But most don't have that strong of a reaction)

My advice for you and every trans person on the fence about it, would be do a CRAP TON of research, on its every effect, type, etc. and talk to or read about/etc. as many people you can find who can give their opinions on their own experiences-as everyone has a different story!

If it is a "HELL YES" after that, then definitely go through with it. If there is still doubt, I'd wait. There is no rush as you can always decide to begin in the future

Know though, that if you do start it, but wish to stop later,

in some ways there's a "reset button",

but in some ways there is not.

Some effects will reverse if you stop taking T, like the fat & muscle redistribution, etc.

however some will stay, for example any body or facial hair that develops will then grow forever as the follicle is "activated" (male hair is a different subtype of hair, so once it's made it can't be reversed) and etc.

Be aware of which effects do this, and just in general, get as much information you can gather.

This info-gathering also has the added bonus, of impressing TF out of your endocrinologist if you do happen to choose to go the route of beginning taking it--

During the consultation, they'll ask if you know about it well, and for me, I began on a spiel of the things I knew & how much I researched because I was so excited to begin and how much it would help me.

By my Dr's reaction she was blown away by my very informed decision, that I had thought about it VERY hard, & I think that is what assisted me greatly in acquiring the prescription for it so fast.

Basically, if they either know or just think you are going into this without much context or don't seek it passionately, they think you may change your mind and that you're "going through a phase" or that you can't consent due to not enough information that you know on it for such a majour medical decision.

If you come in confident asf that this is what you need, and you're like "Yeah I know this, I got this shit locked down" they know they're dealing with someone who is very damn sure this is the path they need, and thus the doctor doesn't have to worry nor explain more, which speeds everything up.

Overall, I will end this by saying I wish you the utmost good luck, and that whatever path you choose, you feel happy and gender-euphoric!! Thank you for asking my advice & I hope I helped in any way!! 👍👍💜🏳️‍⚧️

(ALSO I SEE UR USERNAME MMMMMNN YES, SOMEONE WITH QUALITY TASTE IN CHARACTERS--LMAOOO SRRY IM A SHAMELESS WILLIAM FANATIC, I GOTTA MENTION THAT

UR USERNAME MADE ME LEGIT SMILE-- HAHDJGNGJGJGJG)

[modernistestates]

Bedroom installation project

I've been meaning to write up about the bedroom insulation project for ages, but what with being away and also trying to move to a new studio I haven't found the time to finish the job. However, the bulk of it is done, and as I am away again over the next couple of weeks, I thought I'd summarise the installation process so far.

So for the people who haven't been following the highs and lows of it on my Instagram, over the last couple of months, I've been tackling the issue of a very cold and very small bedroom.

I live in a late 1970s building by Benson and Forsyth. It's a modestly sized one-bedroom flat, but what the architects did to make the space feel bigger is add a split level and give the majority of the space to the living areas and compromise on the size of the bedroom. This doesn't bother me at all, apart from a bed and some drawers, what else does a bedroom need? The room, essentially a little cube, juts out from the rest of the flat meaning there are three external walls, it's also partially sunk into the ground. Additionally, above the ceiling is the pedestrian deck, so again, no insulation. All this amounts to a very cold room.

When I first moved in 2015 I just kept the heating on in that room the whole time, but it just seemed ridiculous to heat a room that I wasn't in during the day. And then, during the pandemic, I noticed little mould spots all over my mattress and wall behind the bed. Gross. I had to do something about it. Properly.

Over the last couple of years I started researching different insulating materials, but because of the size of the room (it's about 2.5 x 2.5m) I really couldn't afford to lose any wall space with regular insulation. I then came across Spacetherm WL made by Proctor. There wasn't much written about it when I first discovered it, but I've since found a BBC article that you can read here.

This seemed ideal as it's only 13mm thick, and you can glue it directly onto the wall, plus you can do it yourself. You can download the installation guide here from their website, but here's what I learnt from the installation. I could have done some things better, so I hope you learn from my mistakes and this is useful.

First of all, if you can, clear EVERYTHING out of the room. I couldn't move my bed out and it was a pain to have to work around it, plus, the particles from the material are horrible. More on this later.

Step 1: it goes without saying, measure the walls and work out the amount of boards you need. I ordered them directly from Proctor. They were really helpful every time I emailed them with a question. The boards are 1200 x 600 mm, so are easy to handle for just one person. I'm no stranger to DIY I should say, but I do think most people could do this themselves. The boards are stuck on with Foam Glue, which I also ordered from Proctor. I underestimated the amount I needed but managed to get the same stuff from Screwfix.

Step 2: Get everything off the walls, obviously, including radiators. Obviously. I've done quite a bit of tiling in the past, so I treated this job in a similar way: I installed a batten at the bottom of the wall where I wanted the boards to sit and worked my way up with whole boards first. You need to spray the glue onto the furry side of the material in a zig-zag pattern. One thing to note is the thickness of the glue. Try and make this consistent otherwise it's difficult to get the adjacent boards flush (I had this issue, more on this later).

I haven't mentioned the material. Right. So essentially it's 10mm of Spacetherm aerogel insulation blanket — a weird feeling fibrous furry material, bonded to a 3mm Magnesium Oxide Board. I found it horrible to handle, and when I cut it, tiny tiny little fibres would end up everywhere, including my bed. They were like little tiny shards of glass. The instructions do say to wear PPE and seal the area you are working in if possible. I ended up having to cut it outside during the heatwave, so was wearing shorts — a mistake!

Step 3: Once all the full boards are in place, you need to measure and cut the boards to fill in the spaces. A friend lent me his Festool circular saw (thank you Huw), which as I mentioned I set up outside. He was worried about me damaging the blade, he needn't of worried, the material cuts very easily.

Step 4: So the gaps are now filled and all the walls are lined with the material. The instructions say you to tape and fill the gaps between the boards, prime it, paint it and you're done. Ha ha ha!! My advice is to ignore that. I could not get the boards to align next to each other completely perfectly. Unless you are really experienced, I don't think you will either, so in the end I decided to get them plastered. That meant ordering a different primer (at £100 a pop, ouch) and it delayed things by a week.

Step 5 and 6: Once the pot finally arrived, I was ready to go. I'd imagined a watery consistency which would take half an hour to do. But this stuff was weird. It's basically grit or sand, in a viscousy fluid which you have to paint on evenly with a paintbrush. So it took half a day, and the result — rough textured walls — reminded me of a Greek taverna. It stayed like this for a while until I managed to pin my plasterer down, who skimmed the whole thing last week.

Getting there.

Step 7: This weekend I managed to get three coats of paint onto the walls, and also get the furniture back in. I still need to sort out the skirting boards and repaint the woodwork, but the walls themself are done and are looking good! It really doesn't feel like it's eaten much into the space, which I was worried about. Of course, the proof will be when it starts getting cold, I'll be sure to update you on its effectiveness. Fingers crossed!

[duskstarshit]

Prejudices.

Summary: Gory is an asshole and Skelita defend Jinafire.

(i dunno how to name this help-)

Ao3 link Here

Skelita was ecstatic, it had been a fantastic, beautiful week!

Last week she had finally confessed to Jinafire and she had accepted her, so now they were both ghoulfriends!

Every day with her, every moment, was fantastic, Skelita felt like they were perfect for each other.

And she was sure that this day would be just as fantastic as the others, that was what she thought while she was waiting for Jinafire in the Creepateria.

Jinafire finished her classes at the same time as her, so Skelita assumed her ghoulfriend was late for some reason, she wasn't worried about it.

If she was honest, what worried her now, was a certain vampire approaching with a dangerous vibe, her bones could feel it.

"Skelita!" Gory Fangtell spoke to her with a suspicious smile. "It's nice to see you here."

"¿Qué chingados... What do you want, Gory?" Skelita tried to camouflage her anger, she was not a fan of Gory, since the vampire bothered almost every monster at school, including her friends, but she was a peaceful ghoul, so she tried to chill out.

"Oh! Can't I celebrate the school's new couple? You and Jinafire are becoming quite popular." Gory sat down on the table, moving closer to the skeleton, who only walked away with a face that said 'I suspect your intentions.'

"... Thanks, I guess?"

"But-"

Si, ahi esta. Skelita thought annoyed. Mas te vale que tus pende- tonterias valgan la pena.

"—are you sure you want a dragon as a ghoulfriend? Would you really like to suffer like this?" Gory spoke with false sympathy.

Skelita just rolled her eyes and decided to go back to her lunch, waiting for the other girl to leave when she saw that Skelita was ignoring her.

"I heard that dragons are dangerous, possessive! That they only see their partners as objects to show off. I don't know about you, but I see that as a horrible relationship to be in." She made her horrible statements with a frightened false tone, Skelita having already learned how false the vampire was.

Minimo Toralei puede llegar a ser amable.

"Besides, their skin feels gross, do you really just want to touch scales?"

As her abuelita taught her, stay calm.

"And her breath, it must be horrible just smell smoke and ashes."

Her?

"You have terrible taste, girl, good luck dealing with a wild animal." She laughed like it was the funniest thing in the world.

She apologized to her abuelita in her mind.

Skelita, again, was not a fan of violence, she preferred to talk things out or ignore them, but hearing the other monster talk like that about her ghoulfriend really made her bones shake with anger.

"¡Escuchame bien, pendeja!" Skelita stood up from the table, looking at the vampire with furious eyes. "Te me largas ahora con tus chingaderas racistas a otra parte, porque si te vuelvo a escuchar hablar de mi novia de esa manera, te juro por mis ancestros que me arrancare los huesos y te los metere por donde mas te duele, ¿¡Entendiste!?"

Gory didn't understand anything the skeleton told her, but she was smart enough to know that she should leave the table now.

Which she did, cowardly running to the table where other vampires, knowing who they were friends with, this would be just as cruel and false.

"I've never seen you this angry, you look great but it also worries me." Skelita changed her angry expression to a smile when she heard the voice behind her.

"Jina!" She exclaimed happily, she sat next to her ghoulfriend. "What took you so long?" Now she looked like a completely different monster!

"Ah, you know how Mr. Hackington is like, irritating and terrifying as always." The Chinese dragon smiled, sitting next to her ghoulfriend and kissing where her nose should be.

Skelita smiled in an adorable way at the kiss her ghoulfriend gave her.

"What interests me now, love, is why you were yelling at Gory, I know she is normally a bother, but I've never seen you like this." Jina said, now with a more serious expression.

Skelita shook her head, leaning against Jinafire's chest. "Just racist nonsense, aggressive, possessive dragons, blah."

"Oh." Jinafire sounded worried. "Yes, t-that's... Common, dragons are not exactly the most beloved monsters. Even when Europe and Chinese dragons are so differents, monster still think we are the same, and they say false things about both of us and those that have a grain of truth, other monsters take them out of context to make us look bad."

"Pendejos." Skelita exclaimed.

"It's okay, I'm used to it."

"You shouldn't get used to people who hurt you just for... Existing! That's horrible."

"It's okay, really." Jina laughed, kissing her girlfriend's skull. "Now I have you, and we're at Monster High, monsters being horrible to me is nothing more than Gory and Heath not understanding that I have a ghoulfriend, but i think he's more stupid than evil."

"Besides, I'm used to dealing with aggressive monsters." The Chinese dragon growled, as if she was remembering something.

Skelita noticed it. "Do you want to talk about it? It seems like it's something that distresses you." She spoke with sympathy.

"No, leave it like that, let's start eating... Hey, I haven't told you what happened in Mad Science class today!" With a smile, the Chinese dragon began to eat... Whatever they were given in the Creepateria, Skelita really hoped it was edible.

"Toralei changed the chemicals again, right?" Skelita guessed with a playful tone.

"Yes! Can you believe it?" She gave a big smile. "And it wasn't just that, she also —."

And little by little, the couple delved into a nice conversation, before they were interrupted by the bell, indicating that they had to return to their classes.

"I'll see you after class, I love you." Jinafire kissed Skelita on her skeletal cheek.

"I love you too." She answered her before they both returned to class.

[purplesurveys]

1716

What TV shows are you watching at the moment? Nothing. I prefer vlogs these days.

Do you enjoy having deep, philosophical conversations? No they're my least favorite conversations to have haha. I'm not cut out for philosophy and I always zone out when a convo starts to steer towards that direction. Deep talks are fun, it's just philosophical ones I find boring.

Have you ever studied human anatomy? Kind of? We took up human body systems in grade school, but a couple of years ago I also had a phase where I got hooked to this anatomy channel on YouTube and watched many of their videos. I personally find biology and anatomy interesting so I'll learn it on my own sometimes.

Do you plan to do much or go anywhere tomorrow? I unfortunately do have work the whole day tomorrow, a Sunday. I have shoots to monitor at 10 AM and around 7 PM; I also have an event to help manage in the afternoon.

The thing is it'll be Yoongi's final final FINAL concert tomorrow so I imagine I'll have earphones on so I don't miss out. I'm just sad because I already planned to watch weeks in advance, and both those ^ work things came up super last-minute.

What was your favourite fairytale when you were growing up? Does the Barbie Rapunzel count as a fairytale? I watched that movie all the time.

Did you feel bored before you started this survey? No I'm actually extremely anxious right now so I've been needing to take surveys to distract myself and shake off the restlessness.

Have you applied for a job recently? I haven't.

Do you have vivid dreams? They can be, but I also forget them very easily. 

Would you have more word documents or images saved on your computer? Images. I mean there's Google Workspace, so that's reduced the need to download all my word documents and slides every time.

Have you ever experienced severe health anxiety? Nope.

Do you have a drink with you right now and if so, what is it? If not, what would you like to be drinking right now? I have a cup of coffee with me now, yes.

Are you home alone right now? Nope, my family's downstairs.

What do you use - haha, lmao, lol, rofl? Something else entirely? Haha, lol, lmao.

What noises can't you stand to hear? When the spoon or fork hits the plate at a certain angle and it makes this horrible grating sound. Also, doors being slammed.

What's your favourite pasta shape?  Fettuccine.

What state, territory or province do you live in? It's like one cartwheel away from Metro Manila, which is super convenient because I'm away from the traffic but can easily go to the city for whatever it is I need.

Would you rather be sleeping right now? Not really sleeping, but I'd rather not be actively worrying right now. It's like, I'm highly aware that I'm taking this survey as an escape and as a distraction, but I wish I was taking it just because. And knowing that I'm taking this as a distraction just makes me feel bad somehow.

Are you still in touch with anyone you went to high school with? Yes quite a number of people. I'm close with a few and remain social media friends with a lot.

Do you use the Notes app on your phone much? If so, what for? Yes, it's very reliable for work. If there's something I need to take note of or I get grabbed in an impromptu meeting, it gets the job done.

Who did you last have a deep conversation with? Jo.

Do you prefer floral or fruity scents? Fruity. Floral makes me dizzy.

What's your favourite non-dairy milk? Oat.

Do you have any tattoos? If so, tell me about one. I don't have any.

Where are your siblings right now? Downstairs.

Which sibling are you closest to, both physically (distance) and emotionally? My sister. 

Did you attend pre-school as a kid? Yes.

What's something you need to buy soon? New nipple covers.

Have you ever been evicted from your home? If so, did you think it was fair? I haven't.

If you could learn any language, what would it be? Korean.

Do you go to cemeteries regularly? Who do you visit? I don't. I do visit my grandpa once every few months, but he's in a columbarium.

[avulleonastick]

cactus ⇢ something you’re currently learning (about)?

chamomile ⇢ what kind of things do you like receiving as gifts?

nutmeg ⇢ how’s your room/home decorated? do you have a specific theme or style going on? (alternatively, talk about how you'd like to decorate/style your home)

cactus ⇢ something you’re currently learning (about)?

Hmmmmmmmmmm. Like, probably how to be more open to taking like, reasonable risks? I've always been super cautious, because I am deathly afraid of... failing (or looking foolish). But the last couple of weeks I've taken like, marginally more risks and mostly had them pay off with like, new friendships I'm really valuing (and also a girl i like who likes me back)! So I'm trying to convince myself "take more risks even if they might fail (and some definitely will)." We'll see the degree to which I actually succeed on that? Maybe that's the wrong kind of something, but that's where a lot my energy has gone for the past two or three weeks or so.

chamomile ⇢ what kind of things do you like receiving as gifts?

Oh hmmmm. Probably trinkets, I think? Pretty things, like the cute pin @salt-and-bramble got me!

Pride-themed (gay or trans) and cat themed trinkets are basically always a hit with me!

nutmeg ⇢ how’s your room/home decorated? do you have a specific theme or style going on? (alternatively, talk about how you'd like to decorate/style your home)

Oh geeez. Well, my current room/home is decorated in what I like to call "horrible white box". I don't recommend this fashion but it is how I have lived for roughly, um.... The last seven years of my life.

Like, ideally, I'm a fan of like, bookshelves and greenery and stuff? I feel like there's like, a Look There, but I don't know the words for that kind of thing very well. Like the room is in browns and red and oranges, with bookshelves filled with books and a rug on a hardwood floor and a variety of Plants by the window?

Something like that I think would be my ideal decoration?

Pay Attention To Me!

[sinisterlyliv]

I posted 125 times in 2022

That's 125 more posts than 2021!

6 posts created (5%)

119 posts reblogged (95%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@doctorstrangeaskblog

@lokigodofaces

@asksinisterstrange

@ask-scott-lang-whatever

I tagged 44 of my posts in 2022

#stephen strange - 5 posts

#sinister strange - 4 posts

#agents of shield - 3 posts

#supreme strange - 3 posts

#doctor strange in the multiverse of madness - 2 posts

#doctor strange - 2 posts

#doctor strange: in the multiverse of madness - 2 posts

#defender strange - 2 posts

#leopold fitz - 2 posts

#no need to call me out like that - 2 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#& also stuff about fitz...now that i'm really liking the idea of sinister using the darkhold to find out that fitz knows how to travel betw

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

*sighs* will i ever be satisfied with the picrew i make for my pfp?

0 notes - Posted August 21, 2022

#4

🎶✨️when u get this u have to put 5 songs u actually listen to, publish. then, send this ask to 10 of your favourite followers (non-negotiable, positivity is cool)🎶✨️

Oh my heavens, I'm flattered. And I'm sorry it took me forever to respond! I was out of town and seeing family so I tried not to be on Tumblr that much. But I saw I got an ask and didn't have time to read it. I've had a sucky couple days (really fun to drive to another state to see family just to get horribly sick & then be nervous about spreading it when you go to a reception you know lots of elderly people will be at), and seeing this and reading what it actually says really made my day.

Here's a random selection of songs I listen to frequently.

Dvorak's "New World Symphony Movement Three"

Basil Poledouris' "Nuclear Scam" from The Hunt for Red October

Hesham Nazih's "Constellation" from Moon Knight

Panic! At the Disco's "Roaring 20s"

Don McLean's "American Pie"

Again thank you so much for this!

I don't think I even have 10 followers honestly, so if you aren't following me and see this for some reason, you're welcome to do it!

1 note - Posted November 20, 2022

#3

Pass the happy! When you receive this list 5 things that make you happy and send this to 10 of the last people in your notifications 😙✨

This ask blog thing we've got going for characters. I only use this for rp. And I used to rp before on another site but it...wasn't that great? People took it way too seriously. Like, they were more worried about a word count than the story and characters and having fun. And personally I find word counts to be the least important in rp (I do understand wanting to have long paragraphs in some rps but I would never get mad at someone for having 230 words instead of 250). So I stopped because that sucked. But if I can send an ask to you or another blog like yours, I get a little taste of rp in a way that doesn't suck. And I've had WAY more fun than I thought I would and it's become way more of a thing for me. It started out as just anon asks since I don't use my main blog, I only use a side blog. I went and made a whole new account for this because I was having fun.

Family. Had a family get together this week so I've been having fun with them. They're family I haven't seen in forever too (they live on the East Coast and I live in a Western state) so it's great. And I've been seeing family a lot more lately since I'm going to live out of the country temporarily and I have a few cousins doing similar things, so we've been seeing each other more often to make up for the time we won't see each other. But I just love my family. My relationships aren't perfect by any means. But I know they won't abandon me because of something big or small.

So, I'll be living in Brazil temporarily, and I know no Portuguese. So I've been using Duolingo to learn some basics. And I took five years of Spanish between middle and high school, but that was pre-covid and I've lost a lot of it since then. But it's almost like I'm relearning Spanish as I'm learning Portuguese. Because in some ways Portuguese feels like Spanish that is written completely differently and has a very different accent. So far with the most basic of the basics, I can understand Portuguese if spoken and I can kind of speak it (still trying to get the handle of Portuguese pronunciation instead of Spanish pronunciation), but reading and writing is so much harder because there's different characters and everything is spelled way different (yo vs. eu). But then there's words that look like they might be exactly the same (como and bebo) but so far Duolingo has only shown me the one conjugation so I don't know what's going on with anything else or what the infinitive is. But it's actually so much fun. I'm relearning one language while learning another. And I have a knack for languages in general and enjoying learning languages, so this is really fun for me.

Writing. Writing fanfiction is just so fun and therapeutic and makes my brain go insane with happiness. All of my fics are linked on my other account, and to be honest I don't know if they'd appeal to any of the people I've interacted with here (you wouldn't guess that I don't have any Doctor Strange fics, would you? Stephen is a big deal in one of my Loki fics though, and I'm planning out some fics for Stephen and variants, but from this blog you'd think Stephen is my favorite when he actually isn't! He is in my top 4 though! Loki, Bucky, Coulson, Stephen, order can vary. Now that I got that tangent out of the way...).

Food. I love food. And I love cooking. I don't normally talk religiously (yes, I am Christian, a minority in Christianity too, I was harassed on a side blog on my other account by someone saying that Christians can't be queer and they called me terrible things so I don't feel comfortable talking about it that often any more), but the fact that we have both the ability to taste and so many ingredients that can be cooked and combined in delicious ways, at least to me, is very strong evidence that God loves us. Currently in a big nutella thing. Also, since I'm going to Brazil, people having been giving me Guaraná Soda, this Brazilian pop that tastes amazing, and I may have been looking up where I can buy it in the States by my house. Sushi is also extremely delicious. And I could go on and on but I'll stop now to save you all time.

1 note - Posted August 20, 2022

#2

*screams in agents of shield fan*

4 notes - Posted August 21, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

love how the fandom had sinister strange, defender strange, and strange supreme for maybe ten minutes (that's combining all of their screentime) and yet we're all obsessed with them

116 notes - Posted July 6, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[mediocrityprinciple]

03/31/2024

CW // implied suicide, transphobia/homophobia, pet death mention

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Today is a hard day for me.

As a queer, trans person, TDOV should be a day of celebration. However, every TDOV is a stark reminder of one of the worst experiences in my life - one that continues to affect me to this day.

Add to that my fundamentalist christian upbringing and the religious trauma that accompanies it - well. Today is /particularly/ hard.

On March 31st, 2015, I was 18 years old and finally (or so I thought) coming to terms with my identity as an agender/nonbinary/genderqueer sapphic person. I posted on my (since deleted) tumblr with a couple selfies to celebrate TDOV, something I NEVER did on tumblr - and a mistake I will likely never repeat. My anxiety about sharing photos of myself online on particular accounts has never really gone away but it's something that I've grown more comfortable with over the years. Two days after posting, I was met with horrible vitrol from the person that was my best friend, the person I was head over heels in love with (without realizing it) and the person who I admired and respected and cared about more than anything. (Honestly, looking back, I think it was more of an unhealthy romanticization/obsession than anything but that is something I am still coming to terms with - it was a classic sapphic high school experience tbh.) At some point she had found my tumblr account and been keeping tabs on it - apparently this was her breaking point. [Note: I would share screenshots but I deleted them years ago after reading and re-reading the things that were said to me and frankly I have no desire to try to dig them up from my old files]

This broke me. Her hatred towards me broke me.

The only reason I survived those first couple days was for my pet rabbit (who passed less than a week later and whose death I still blame on myself.)

It's been nearly nine years since that day and I have learned and grown and matured as a person - including getting away from some of the incredibly unhealthy delusions I had at the time (I was DEEPLY involved in otherkin + OSDD/DID tumblr and was dissociating heavily at this period of my life. I want to be clear, I was not "faking" I was severely mentally ill and frankly, the messages from my "best friend" helped me re-examine some of my delusions and eventually heal from them).

Regardless of the passage of time, there is still a Wound surrounding TDOV that I cannot separate from the day. What should be a day of joy and celebration always reminds me of what I lost and the nightmares that plagued me for years (and on occasion still do).

Ironically, She reached out to me back in 2018 and we had reconciled for a time. But as of today it's been three years since she's responded to my messages. The last time I texted her was to wish her happy birthday (a date that also falls this week).

In 2018 I thought I had healed from the experience. I had accepted what had happened and when she contacted me to apologize I welcomed the chance to be friends again. I don't regret this, but I do feel like a fool for reopening that wound. I opened myself up to the hope of rekindling our friendship only to be hurt all over again (albeit in a different way.) She does not owe me friendship, but neither do I owe her forgiveness.

The nightmares have started again and this week and this day is a reminder of the trauma that I experienced losing a friend, losing a pet, and losing my identity (for a time.)

I look forward to the day that I can celebrate Trans Day of Visibility with pride. I look forward to the day that it doesn't remind me of her. I look forward to the day that I can - once again - accept what happened is part of the reason I am who I am and acknowledge that forgiveness is a virtue. I took a chance and it backfired. I was hurt all over again. And the worst part? If she texted me right now? I would probably respond. Because I still care about her in some way and I still have hope that we could be friends.

But she won't. And I won't. Because while forgiveness is a virtue, I am not willing to let her hurt me again. I'm done.

Maybe in another 9 years I can be proud to celebrate this day untainted by bad memories. But until then, I am happy to see trans joy on my timeline. Trans people exist. We exist in many forms with many experiences from many walks of life. We are here to stay no matter what the world throws at us. I'm so glad to still be here. And even though today is hard for me now, it won't always be.

Happy Trans Day of Visibility. Keep spreading your joy, one day I will join you. <3

[ilaiyayaya]

I think I can pretty definitively say that I'm finally out of the era of my life where I'm doing literally nothing and on the verge of killing myself everyday. My life definitely isn't perfect right now, obviously, but I think I've finally actually clawed my way far enough out of the pit that I'm not constantly feeling like I'm at risk of slipping into a depressive state again. I'm finally actually doing stuff again, I'm making a lot of progress toward moving out of my father's house as well as transing my gender, I'm not completely apathetic at all times and I've gained a lot of self-confidence, and most importantly to me, I've regained passion for a lot of stuff again, I've started doing 3D modelling again, and I'm learning new things again that I actually enjoy and feel the motivation to continue doing, and I'm actually enjoying a lot of the media I'm consuming! (Finally I can once again feel something when I watch horrible kuso-anime that has no appeal to anyone EXCEPT ME IT HAS APPEAL TO ME I LOVE GARBAGE I LOVE EATING GARBAGE YEAAAAA!!!)

Pretty much since, at least late 2020 but really the dominos started in 2019, I had been extremely depressed, a lot happened around that time that completely left pretty much every aspect of my life in ruin (surpringly not caused by the pandemic at all, although that definitely didn't help), I lost a lot of friends, most of the things I had been working toward in life were pretty much nullified, and a lot of mental health issues I had, and still have, started actually becoming major issues, it wasn't a very fun time. The worst of it was easily 2021, I'm not really gonna go in depth both because, I don't particularly want to remember the details of it more than necessary, and also because it would just be a paragraph of me talking about trying to kill myself constantly and the mental state that led me to do that, and that's not particularly fun or really even important to know the specifics of, but the one kinda good thing I guess about that year was that by the end it got so bad that in 2022 I just said fuck it and started doing a bunch of things that really should not have worked out as well as they did, but by 2023 I had a car and my driver's license, a job, and had regained some of my lost friends, and told the ones that I really didn't ever want to speak to again to [REDACTED]. 2023 was pretty much just a continuation of that, albeit with a lot more stability, almost the entire year was spent focusing on my job and getting as much money as possible as quickly as possible because I didn't really have much else to focus on and a majority of what I needed to move forward in life required a lot of money capitalismamiright. Now in 2024 I have a lot of money saved up, enough that realistically I could probably move out at any time, I'm finishing tying up the last few loose ends of like, basic adulting things that I should've done a long time ago, I have a decently large, stable group of friends, I've come out as trans to like, at least 90% of the people in my life that I plan to actually keep in my life a year from now, I'm still extremely emotionally unstable (I don't think that's going away like, ever tbh lol) but at least now it's in a way where I'm still actually getting stuff done consistently and not just turning into a pile of goo for 3 weeks out of each month, and I'm FINALLY FUCKING PASSIONATE ABOUT MAKING STUFF AGAIN WOOOOOOO LET'S FUCKING GOOOO TIME TO MAKE Bucket of Wet Slop grins.

I didnt even realize that I was in such a significantly better spot in life now until like, really recently, like really really recently, like as in like a couple days ago. The thing that made me really notice it was that I used to pretty much dread days I was off work like, I kinda don't particularly love my job, it kinda fucking sucks in a lot of ways, but also like, if I'm just at home all I was doing was rotting and like, looking at my phone waiting to get called into work anyways so it sucked either way. About a week ago I had 4 days off in a row and like, that never happens, like at all ever, probably the last time I had been off for more than 2 days continuously was like, literally long enough ago that I have no clue when, and before like, 4 days off would be like, bad, like 4 days of not making money *and* still being miserable, but like, those 4 days were great, I popped off I got so much shit done and I felt great while doing it it was so pog, and now like, work's kinda just like getting in my way of getting stuff done, like I actually have stuff I want to do now it's great! Like, I don't plan to quit my job (probably) or anything like that anytime soon but like, it feels weirdly good for my job to actually feel like a job that's sucking out my soul instead of it being the only thing keeping me from saying "off to hang myself, watch and le" because now I once again have the passion and motivation to do things that I actually want to do.

Moral of the story: life is good and capitalism sux :litwickthumbsup:

[studywithsilver]

been a while

Ah...last update was two months ago.

Well, things somehow got more busier after exams were over.

Exams finished in November with MCQs and I can barely remember how well I did ahaha all I know is that results come out in 10 days.

Ooh something interesting did happen in November though. I graduated high school :DD

It was really fun meeting my friends after the brunt of my exams and after 7 months since April when we left school. A lot of them hadn't seen me for a quite a while ahahah and I hadn't spoken to them in so long as well.

Somehow, we all just slipped back into normal conversation and our grad was so goofy? We were skipping parts of it to fix our sarees (yes we had to wear traditional clothing to our graduation) and hang out to take pictures, or to clap with the band performing.

And afterwards we had a DJ and stuff to play music and it was pretty fun, ngl, even if it's not something I'd usually like. My feet did hurt a lot after though.

Did I take a pic of me stepping out of school at night to be sentimental? Of course I did.

My friend gifted me a Leebit keychain and my sister made me a cake with a Leebit topper for grad as well :))

After grad, I mostly lazed around a bit for November but then started to do more stuff, and was looking into universities as well. I couldn't really consider any abroad as they were pretty pricey but I found my course in a few unis here.

In December, I visited a few of the unis and spoke to the representatives and I decided on one. I applied to it and they sent me a conditional offer with admission based on my results.

Sigh....we'll see how that goes T-T

I finally picked up sewing as well! Been wanting to get back into it for years ever since I kept trying to sew pouches as a 9-year old lmao

Plus, ironically I've been studying the A Level Business textbook to prep for uni. I was doing a few courses online as well.

Ooh and I finally committed to learning Korean! Doing pretty well, except I took a break to focus on Business prep.

So, post grad plans weren't too bad, I hope?

Oh, and of course, catching up with SKZ content ahaha especially end-of-the year stages. It's been a couple years since I'd watched these stages as a BTS fan, and it was nice coming back to it.

So many cool performances! And the ROCK-STAR comeback as well, it was just so amazing. I caught a few of their performances on TV as well

This year was certainly a rollercoaster of emotions for me, and definitely in terms of growth. I think I associate it with confused emotions, and trying to figure out where to keep my feet in a constant, liquid consistency of feelings.

I think for younger me, she would have been pleased to know that I tried many things this year. As a kid, I had the notion that I was horrible at any type of hobby or skill that wasn't getting good grades or being a great student.

Of course, I didn't see the greatest improvement in my grades as I left school, but I did learn how to socialise better and I learnt so many other skills. I have talent besides sitting down and cramming information into my head.

I think. (In true, 17-year old confused fashion.)

Oh, and I totally forgot to write this year 😅 but keeping the study diary was good for me to get out the weird feelings sometimes.

2023 was also a major fangirling year. Met SKZ after four years of jamming to MIROH and Levanter, to meeting them right out of school. Like literally, I think I started watching Chan clips in the last week of March. Man, he really dragged me into this chaos.

But it's chaos that is somehow safe to me.

The livestreams, the bbl messages, the SKZ-CODE episodes, the discovery of their discography (I still have a few older albums to listen to) the love they put into their work. They're so cool, honestly. They're like older brothers to me.

K-pop has its ups and downs but I can't deny it being part of my teenagehood since I was 11. I'm glad SKZ were the guys who got me back into it.

AHHHH I DON'T KNOW HOW TO FEEL :D

GABOJAGO 2024 💪🖤❤

[actualhumansunshine]

Here again with my questions for ya! Now that you’re a yr older and wiser, some ?s for you - 1.) smth you learned the last yr 2.) smth you regret 3.) smth you wish someone had told you 4.) what do you want to be when you grow up? 5.) a song you heard that you love? Happy Birthday, Alyssa! Hope you have a great one! P.S. Why is it called “dirty thirty”?

omg hi!!!!

1. i'm a really big perfectionist, to the point where i think sometimes in my life, i've kind of been paralyzed by it? it can feel easier to just NOT do something in the first place than try and be bad at it yk? so something i've been learning in the last year is to stop doing that, especially with things that i really want for myself.

2. a couple weeks ago my youngest brother moved away for college, and all my other siblings have already left and gone their own ways as well, so i'm the only one of us still living in our hometown. i do like it here, but there was a period of time years ago where i considered leaving. obviously i never did, and part of me can't help but regret it a little bit and wonder what my life could have been if i HAD taken that leap.

3. i'm gonna kind of repeat myself from last year and once again say that you don't have to have it all figured out!! but i also want to expand on that and say that not having it figured out, not being where you thought you would be in life or whatever the case may be, it doesn't have to define you? you're so much more than those perceived 'failures', so it's important be kind and patient with yourself cause everyone is on their own journey with their own timeline.

4. that's something i'm still trying to figure out, which in and of itself is something i've really been working though over there past year. i feel like i'm kind of coming to the point where it's like....maybe i won't ever know for sure what i want to do with my life, but what i do know is the kind of person i want to be, the impact i want to have on the people around me, what i like, what i don't like, etc, and maybe that's enough.

5. you know me and you know it's not fair to ask for JUST ONE SONG, so i'm gonna 10 that i've been listening to a ton lately:

when am i gonna lose you - local natives

wake up with you - emerson leif

bad habit - steve lacy

mixer - amber mack

outta my mind - monsune

music sounds better with you - neil frances

fire for you - cannons

the angel of 8th ave - gang of youths

ode to conversations stuck in your throat - del water gap

low tide - drama

and i've been horrible about listening to albums this year but the new caamp one is really REALLY good, so that deserves a special shout-out as well.

thank you so much for this, i was so excited to see it in my inbox and i hope you know how much i appreciate you!!! 🥺💕