#last summer i had like. no friends
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Everytime i listen to jorts storm theres a small ebbing pain inside that is missing last summer
#night thoughts#like bro ... i cant wear jorts in this weather#and also its fuckinncrazy how much seasonal depression can fuck me up#last summer i had like. no friends#and now i have. more friends#and yet i am so incredibly sad bc It Is Dark And Cold And Miserable#and last summer i was so fucking happy and productive and content w my life bc. it was Warm and Sunny
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Hey hey hey may 31th anon! How's 2024 going? ☆ヾ(*´▽｀)ﾉ This year I have for you a leaked Sherlock season 5 image. Thinking of you!! And everyone!!
#may 31th anon#Hello hello hello friends!! How are you!!#I miss you all I miss tumblr I miss drawing these silly men#work was soooo boring today I was really happy that I got to draw John in a baby carrier afterwards (*´︶`*)#what have you been up to??#my job is very boring most of the time unfortunatly!! I want to have a new job a little bit but I also never want to have a job interview#ever again and also I might get a lamp this year (!) I have heard that someone has already printed out the lamp form#are you excited for good omens season 3??#I am!! I have also been watching a lot of x-files#(*´▽｀*) we also have moths in the kitchen#I do not know what they are eating we have been storing all of our food in the fridge since last week but new moths keep coming#yesterday one flew out of the forks and spoon drawer#it's her kitchen now#I also got a mole removed#now instead of the mole I have a scar the exact same size an color of the mole#I have also been working on a longer comic project!! I think it will be ready to be shared this summer and I really hope you will like it#it's about the old dragon bros characters and their life with the princesses (◍•ᴗ•◍)❤#I'm having a lot of fun drawing again!!#I hope you're having fun too#also I had to write an email today and I had to attach a pdf file but it was upside down#I could not fix it#I just hit send
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“I’ll be honest—when Bobby first brought you on board, I told him he should just get a Dalmatian instead.”
#ive had the weirdest day. and my situationship from last summer just got engaged#after ending things w me the day after my dog died bc grief was ‘too serious too fast’ and now she’s engaged !#am happy for her we’re friends glad she found the right amount of seriousness even if it was in under a year but 😭 ow a little#and then my therapist cancelled our session tonight so#instead of committing to hysterics i did this 🥰 and u know what. better than therapy#sorry for that extreme oversharing. it’s been a Day#911#buddie#evan buckley#i love you like a dog#mine
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ava during her volunteering at a ranch and hooking up with the ranch owners daughter era + the daughter in question
#ts4#ts4edit#ts4 edit#myedits*#sims 4#some more lore#this is like after some shit went down with their best friend that they had some sort of romantic relationship with lol#avas like 17/18 and this is the summer before college#its looking a lot different than they expected it to be and the farm was a nice change#the ranch owners daughter does not currently have a name#im very abd at coming up with names but im gonna try later#idk how canon this is i just had the idea last night but its fun!!#also hello i opened sims yesterday#oh!! also i changed avas nose a bit#same like general vibe but not an uninteresting button nose that all my sims had in 2019 bc her mom was made then lol#also changed her skin overlay#ava*#carter*
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thank you for the tag @fxreflyes this is so cute, except the format is trying to hinder my propensity to ramble, so i’ve rectified this in the tags lmao
i’m over 5'5 / i wear glasses or contacts / i have blonde hair / i often wear sweatshirts / i prefer loose clothing over tight clothes / i have one or two piercings / i have at least one tattoo / i have blue eyes / i have dyed or highlighted my hair / i have or have had braces / i have freckles / i paint my nails / i typically wear makeup / i don’t often smile / resting bitch face / i play sports / i play an instrument / i know more than one language / i can cook or bake / i like writing / i like to read / i can multitask / i’ve never dated anyone / i have a best friend i’ve known for over five years / i am an only child
no pressure tags for @static-radio-ao3 @inevitablestars @itsjaywalkers @carniferous @orbitfalls @transsexualpriest @futurequibblerjournalist <333
#i'm like 5'7 i think. fun fact i used to wear glasses when i was like 11 bc all my friends were getting glasses and i wanted some too so i#lied to my optician. lol good times. don't actually need glasses tho soooo.#this is me coming out as a natural blonde guys….. like my hair hasn’t been blonde in a good year or so and it hasn’t been my natural blonde#in like three/four years but still in my heart of hearts i identify as a blonde. like i get confused when people don't count me as one#i have my ears and nose pierced and i would love a tattoo but unfortunately i have both a fear of needles and commitment issues so.#not sure if that’ll ever happen… would be very hot and sexy tho. also i'm one of those freaks with green eyes lol it's appaza quite rare#my hair is currently like dark dark brown… have been getting the itch to dye it again tho like a kinda reddish colour idk yet we’ll see#i had braces for AAGES. i have freckles in the summer and i paint my nails whenever i remember to. rn they’re a very chipped lilac colour#i think i have a resting bitch face but i can never tell tbf like it might be more of a resting 'dead to the world' face lmao#okay technically i don’t play an instrument anymore! but in the past i’ve dabbled with the cello the oboe and the xylophone. singing too#spanish and italian baybee although ig if this means like fluently then that’s not me but this is literally my degree it’s my whole brand#yes i like to read but also the only things ive read in like the last few months have been either books in spanish/italian for my degree#literary criticism for said span/ital books and… fanfic. so. also i like writing but it's my worst enemy rn the thoughts aren't working :(#i have many best friends that i’ve known for years!!!! in fact i've known some of my friends for like my entire life it's very cute#okay sorry for rambling i can never help myself and i also literally could go on icl like there was Some restraint applied here#kara lore#bc there's quite a lot of it in this one lol#tag games
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20k aven fic is almost complete
i shall post when i am out of the trenches (the big sad)
also, TBT might not end this summer but it's definitely ending this year. it depends on how fast i am able to push out chapters which isnt seeming to be very fast
#i have summer stuff to do#esp now that for sure my scholarship will be reduced#im going to pre-study my next sem courses online and do a shit ton of programming#just in hopes that i stop getting exam anxiety#im not even kidding about the exam anxiety#i got the exam paper in hand and forgot everything even tho i knew everything#and had literall nightmares of the exam for a whole week#and i cant even tell my parents this because the last time i told my mom she told me to grow up because im not a kid anymore#i understand that but it sucks being alone in a different country looking different than everyone else and being of the only few girls in-#-class and the entire major. i have like 2 friends only who i see twice a month max. i wish i was joking. they're not even from my major#there is literally no other girl of my nationality in my year in my major#so yeah. pain and suffering people#pain and suffering#zuri rambles
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watching the grand final performance and eating oddlygood dreamy piña colada is actually the best way to celebrate the anniversary of my obsession
#i’m getting a little emotional ngl#anniversaries always make me feel weird#like wow my life has changed so much since then#i had an amazing summer last year and i will always always connect it with käärijä’s music#although the person i spent majority of it with isn’t in my life anymore#i’ll cherish those memories forever#he was such a huge part of my life for the last year and yes i’m aware how crazy and parasocial this sounds#but i’ll be forever thankful for him#i went to fucking finland!! by myself!! because of him!!#and i had no idea what i was getting myself into even#it was supposed to be just a chill evening with friends but i got home at 6:30am with a new hyperfixation#forever grateful for what the past year has brought me 🫶 we’ve gone through so much#a year ago i wouldn’t have believed i’d subscribe to the onlyfans of a finnish rapper#no idea if anyone is even reading this but i feel like rambling right now#oversharing on tumblr dot com#käärijä#jere pöyhönen#i miss the eurovision era SO MUCH. truly the best time of my life
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I kind of love that Taylor has made London her home base for the Euro leg of eras because idk it feels very “I can reclaim the land” of her. She loved London before she ever met Joe, she lived there before they ever moved in together, and there was so much ~stuff~ wrapped up with the city and being intrinsically tied to him and what was going on the last few years that I hope for her sake this summer feels like a bit of a fresh start and rediscovering the city she loved outside of all the other bittersweet memories and making a bunch of fun new ones on her own terms.
#maybe I’m just emo because I have had the euro girl trip of a lifetime for the last few weeks and I don’t want to go home lmao#but it’s all like… trying to find a part of me you didn’t touch but in city form#and I feel like the fact that she chose London as her base is part of that#because if it was really difficult she could have chosen so many other places to bunk for the summer#but I think the fact that she chose London and she’s living her life and seeing her friends kind of lends itself to the assumption#that she really is happy there and is making the most of their time there#like when she settled back in NYC last spring#idk feeling some parasocial way
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idk how to say this and feel anywhere close to normal about it so here’s the unvarnished situation: I’m about to drop out of my PhD program and I genuinely don’t know what to do with myself from here on out (professional future? new/adjusted career plans? I don’t know her!), let alone deal with the minutiae like how to address it on my resume. have decided to do the dishes instead
#Egg talks#my longest relationship ended last summer (regret)‚ now this is ending (regret)‚ and I feel like I am both spiralling and incredibly stuck#the 1 positive thing is that I had the longest conversation of my life with my mom and she was actually extremely supportive#which means more to me than any dissertation ever could (given the friends I know whose mothers have died during their PhDs)
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:c
#i luv my friends ;-; i feel like i’m gonna lose my mind when i’m not living right by all my friends lmao 😭#i’ve literally been hanging out w ppl like at least every other day if not every day#we made semi spontaneous plan to go to pride tmrwwweww 🥹🥹 i’m excited#i just am so happy that i get to spend sm time w ppl rn bc we’re all somewhat free bc summer 😭#also idk i was just thinking abt this recently but like#it’s kinda new to me to like actually be comfortable/confident in knowing my friends want/like my presence ;-;#even then i’m not that confident LMAO bc after sm time together i’m like surely they’ll get sick of me#like we’ve seen each other every day the past like three days#but no 🥹 ugh like idk man i had one elementary to sort of middle and high school friendship#that like fucked me up i feel like lmfao 💀#like girl sidelined me so much for other friends that i just#:l and cried so much bc of that 😀 anyway 😀#so like idk i’m just so grateful rn 😭😭😭#also was thinking abt it recently bc my mom made me feel judged/ made me feel like she was annoyed that i was staying here on campus#when i technically don’t need to and my main/only reason is bc friends#and after that conversation w her i got kinda annoyed bc i was like#i have had so many conversations w you where i was sad af or frustrated that my friends wouldn’t reach out to me ever#or my friend who never paid attention to me when other friends were around#like i don’t think she’s actually judging like me staying for friends but it was that one conversation we were both kinda annoyed idk#and i was just like . pls#anyway 😀 i always have so many friend thoughts i always be overthinking it LOL#anyway anyway i need to be up in like 6 hrs LOLLLLLL pride tho yay 🥰🥰🥰#rip me not having clean cute clothes for this LOL 🤪#ong last yr i tied my hair in a ponytail w like rainbow hair ties tied down the ponytail……#idk if i have those but if i do maybe i should do that again LOL#idk might be too lazy tho we’ll see how much time i have to get ready when i wake up 🤡#jeanne talks#TOO MUCH BYE
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Having near anxiety attack levels of dread and anxiety in your childhood home because of shitty things that happened last summer is crazy (I am not thriving)
#I thought I was having an ocd episode#nah. I think my mental health has just hit different lows#drove past my old job and had this wave of anxiety pass over me and I thought it was cause it was a horrible job#went to get in the shower that I’ve only used last summer (broke for many years) and almost had to use my parents shower it was so bad#a whole ass main street I drive down#my bed#until I realized those were all the main places I spent last summer sobbing in constantly trying to hold it together#I have never cried like I did day in and day out to my work friends and crying in the shower praying for a text#in the bed that all of the sudden was too big#down the street that I drove up and down twice a day sobbing to the point where I almost had to pull over because it was the only alone time#I am having some sort of something#the only way I’ve avoided it is staying extremely busy#I’m glad I’m not staying the summer here. I don’t think I could experience this all summer#no wonder why I was dreading this visit more than others. my body was remembering grief I have done my utmost to repress and deal with#soup talks#so if anyone has like. ideas on a solution I’d love one
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hey will be off tumblr for the rest of the week - things are Happening again and my head feels ready to explode.........would really appreciate prayer again. I'm constantly feeling like I'm on the brink of something (I don't KNOW what) terrible and I need to figure things out without before my body really DOES decide to shut down from the stress and the strange depressive dread that has been very difficult to shake this month. I would like to not feel like crying or throwing up at certain points in the day and also would like to not be so exhausted in the heart and mind area so that I can actually deal with these things. Especially since finals are looming ahead
#wish i had my support network but what with all my friends being so busy#with school work engagements marriage pregnancies housing issues#and my priests both up to their ears in work and all my older sister figures#having issues and more important things to deal with and my family being one of the sources of high stress#i dont have anyone to talk to or go to at the moment#so i need to figure that out before i have another health crisis because my body's starting to give up on me#(again)#on top of that there needs to be planning in place for the summer and next fall and graduation#i just want to stick my head in the ground like an ostrich and stay there!!!! instead of wading through this mess during midterm season#and having to start finals the WEEK after midterms end#complaining again sorry#i am so tired and trying to be cheerful/distracting myself only lasts a few hours#im trying. i promise im trying. but the world seems rather bleak right now#and it is very hard not to feel so very alone#anyway i love you all and i'll see you soon
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how many breakdowns should you have about dropping out before you seriously consider dropping out. asking for a friend teehee
#shock horror. i am not asking for a friend#turns out going to uni bc you had no idea what else to do + taking a course you’re mostly interested in bc you like space#is not necessarily a good idea. who would have thought#see the thing is if this didn’t cost money i wouldn’t be so worried. but i don’t want to keep having this breakdown and eventually drop out#in like a year’s time with twice the amount of debt or whatever#rn now i keep looking on indeed like hmm. i could totally drive trains that would be an amazing idea. driving a milk float!! so slay!!#bc i realised shortly after getting here that i do not want to do a phd which basically rules out any astrophysics jobs#my mum suggested looking at summer placements but quite frankly i need to get a job over summer if i stick with my degree bc i am ✨broke✨#rn i’m saying shit like oh i’ll just write a book and get it published. totally feasible way to make some quick cash (delusional)(knows it)#november has been hell i do not have a draft let alone a book#and i’m tired and i haven’t had a proper meal since thursday and my room is a tip#i‘ve had like three conversations with my friends in the past fortnight and none of them lasted longer than five minutes#i was so fucking excited for uni!! it was going to be so good!! i feel bad for wanting to drop out bc i don’t hate it!!#i just don’t really like it either#god fucking damn it. this shit is worse than a sexuality crisis. at least they had zero real world impact bc i was an antisocial fucker#this is the rest of my fucking life!! the hell!!
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Wondering if it's worth it to bind today and wear a literal pin with my literal pronouns if my supervisor and peers are going to misgender me all day
#context! i don't think my supervisor has ever had any trans friends. she works in a feminist library so i know she's safe. but she's not-#-used to / very knowledgeable about trans stuff.#and my peers are also just not really aware either. about the fucking existence of trans people i mean. despite working in a feminist libra#i'm so glad i'm graduating after this summer because lately i feel like feminism is pulling away from me more and more.#where's my spot in it? institutions (uni) who brand themselves as inclusive and progressive are a joke.#i didn't think misgendering would fuck me up so bad at this point in my life (thought i didn't care and i was okay with also being female..#but i'm barely keeping myself alive and moving this morning.#dysphoria was so extreme last night it almost made me throw up. had to shower in the dark. that's never happened.#why do i bother at all if the entire world will always see me as a girl. like what the fuck am i doing.
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i rlly like my new co worker bc do you guys know how refreshing it is to hang out with another queer guy multiple times a week irl
#i love all my friends and the gay ppl in my phone but i did really need more regular irl interactions with fellow fags#and i dont mean just like going to the club but actually hanging out with someone and possibly befriending them#leevi talks#our last summer trainee was a cishet guy and he was alright but we were not on the same. like. not page but#we were clearly two very different people who saw the world in wildly different ways and had nothing in common#we werent even work friends. just co workers#he was alright tho like he wasnt a bigot or anything! but not everyone needs to be more than acquaintances
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the stale end of summer, dripping away, a poem by me - this summer is gold melting in the sun.
#silly little poem to memorialize how this summer Felt#also i think the tattoo story is so funny like pov me my close friend my (11 years older than me) stepsister and her friend sitting at a-#-table 40 feet from my mom and stepdad + the three of them are trying to convince me to secretly get a tattoo the next day#peer pressure is real guys#sorry it’s such low quality i had to mega zoom out to get it all in one ss#each stanza was like written at different points in the last month or so and i just found them all and mashed them together#not sure if i Love Love this poem but it’s a memorial to this summer and i think it really fits that so#ash writes#poetry#now for tagging content. the hardest part#summer poetry#july#august#summer#spilled ink#silvery posting#original poetry#poems#writing
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