#last time i was sad sad i wrote 'like real people do' so be glad this has a happy ending

[kenposting]

New Guy

Summary: Short & sweet; Ken is the new guy at your work - somewhere he keeps calling the ‘real world’. You don’t get that, but what’s new, he never really makes any sense. 

WC: 2.2k

AN: (Insert crying emoji) thank you for all the kind comments on the last Ken brainrot story I wrote omg!!! I just like him... did nawt expect all that. A small part of this was very loosely inspired after reading a blurb by @ideas-live-forever where Ken doesn’t like a latte. Its very cute and you can read it here!

𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀⋆˚✿˖°⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃⠀𓈒

You wished you had words to describe him, really. I mean, how many times could you redirect the conversation away from the two of you? Your friends, roomates, classmates, even your family – they all picked up on your recent busy schedule. You were seeing someone, and that someone came off as incredibly alluring and mysterious to them after your hesitance in explaining. 

Ken was not alluring, let alone mysterious. Bless his heart, he was a bit dense actually. You didn’t want to tell people about him - not out of embarrassment, but out of protection for him. This world was a lot different from the one he claimed to be from… another piece of him you didn’t quite understand. You chalked it up to at best a joke or some weird pick up line (him saying he was from “out of this world”) and at worst an actual delusion, but you didn’t mind it. You found it kind of charming. 

You still remember when you first heard about him. There was a new guy at work and your coworkers were laughing about some of the answers he gave on his job interview. You felt a little bad, knowing his answers should’ve been kept confidential, but you couldn’t help but laugh when you overheard them. 

“No, yeah he literally said his last job was ‘beach’. Not lifeguard, not pool attendant, not national park ranger, not even the beach, just beach.” 

You laughed a little to yourself, finishing wiping down one of the tables. You had a morning shift today, like most days, but you wouldn't be open for a little while. You had time to listen. 

“I don’t know, man. At least he can wash a mean dish.” 

They weren’t laughing with him, but rather at him. It did make you a bit sad. He sounded hilarious, honestly. It was probably just a bit that he took too seriously. After all, a job interview isn’t always the best place to joke around like that. 

A metallic ding rang through the restaurant as the door swung open. You looked up to be met with quite the character. He was tall, probably around 6’3” or 6’4”, and tan. Must've been all that time at beach. His stature was broad and his shoulders barely fit through the doorframe. He was dressed in the same uniform you were, except his yellow diner ringer tee was tucked in to a pair of light blue cuffed jeans, paired with white tennis sneakers and white crew socks. He was blonde, clearly by choice, not birth, and he stood with a clean dishtowel draped over his left shoulder. He looked like he just stepped out of an 80’s back-to-school Target ad. 

“Morning, Ken.” 

“Morning! Thank you for the opportunity to work here! So cool…” 

You smiled to yourself, grabbing menus to set out on each table. He looked just as odd as he everyone made him out to be. 

Prep duty was your given task for this morning. Since you typically worked an opening shift before school, you only had to wait tables until 2pm. Doors didn’t open until 9am, so that left you three hours to cut vegetables and fruit while you supervised the new guy. 

“Hey, my office please.” 

Your boss beckoned you, explaining what Ken’s tasks were so you could keep an eye on him. 

“He’ll probably keep to himself, honestly. He seems nervous, but he’s glad to work here. I don’t really… get him.” 

“What do you mean, sir?” 

You boss sighed and shook his head, searching for a way to explain everything. 

“When I asked him about previous employment he just said he worked at ‘beach’ and that he was 'very good at it'. His references were all listed under the name name… his name. Ken. I kept asking if he was, like, a lifeguard or something and why everyone he’s worked for was also named Ken. He just kept repeating, ‘no, sir, just beach,’ and ‘I’m not sure I understand, sir, is your name not Ken too?’ like that made any sense.” 

Air quotes punctuated the absurdity of the whole thing. 

You bit the inside of your lip, stifling a laugh. This guy was wither a genius or actually insane. 

“Anyways…” he trailed off. “He didn’t have much more to say about work, but he said he was in town to study – of course, without any documentation. I guess you don’t need a diploma to wash dishes.” 

Ken did keep to himself mostly, but you could tell he took his job incredibly seriously. His brows furrowed while washing the plates from last night’s dinner rush. He wanted to be good at this, you could tell. You wondered if he took beach the same way, like his life depended on it. 

The day went by quickly. All the girls – and Ken – got off at the same time, switching aprons as the evening crew trickled in. 

“Wanna come to the bar with us tonight? It’s half-price on Tuesdays!” 

You smiled at the offer, but respectfully declined. 

“I’ve got homework, but maybe next time!” 

They sighed, saying you were no fun, waving to you as they all left together. You stayed behind to count and divide the tips. So did Ken, for some reason. 

“You can go home whenever you’re ready, Ken. Good job today.” 

You pretended not to notice his ears perk at your compliment. He was blushing, like… actually blushing. 

“Oh, thank you.” 

He sounded surprised, like he hadn’t ever been told he did well before. 

“What are you doing now?” 

You looked up at him. He was actually quite handsome up close. You both had your backs turned to each other most of the day so you didn’t get a chance to notice. 

His eagerness to learn was also attractive. He wasn’t handsy or gross or trying to hit on you like some of the previous employees you’ve worked with. He was kind and appeared genuine. 

“I’m counting the tip jar from this morning so I can divide the tips between all the morning waitresses. Each of them get their own tips on the bills or in cash, but the ones in the jar are kind of random, so we split all of those. We count morning separately so whatever the evening crew makes can be divided amongst themselves, in case they were busier or slower than us. Its fair that way. You get some too.” 

He looked like you just told him his childhood home caught fire. He was just bewildered at the concept. 

“I get some? But I already got paid for today, they said I’d get it on my 'check' in two weeks.” 

He did not know what a check was. You smiled to yourself, still deciding on wether he was being smart with you or if he was just inexperienced in the world. 

“Yeah, see? 20, 40, 60, 80, 100 in 20s, then 110, 120, 130, 140 in 10s. I already counted the fives – 145, 150, 155, 160, 165, 170, 175, 180, 185 there – and ones, so 186, 7, 8 ,9, 90, 91, 2, 3, 4 ,5, 6, 7, so that’s 197, divided by the staff is $32.83 each.” 

He did not get it at all. He nodded hesitantly, hoping to convince you he understood you just fine. You were explaining it like he should know this, afterall, and he felt kind of insecure that he didn’t get it. You didn’t mean to hurt his feelings and he knew that, but he was just more sensitive than most. 

“So I take it you didn’t make any tips at ‘beach’?” 

He shook his head, answering with complete seriousness. 

“No. We didn’t have money at all, actually.” 

He was always like that. It had been a couple of months now since he started with you. Every day he said something weirder than the day before. Just like today, when he asked if you were doing anything after work. You said homework, as per usual, and watched him panic, replying with, “Oh yeah... me too actually…”

“Yeah? You’re in school?” 

He nodded, another serious look on his face. He had forgotten about homework for a while now. They didn’t have homework in Barbieland. 

The thought alone of this man in a classroom was enough to have you laughing. Sure, he was smart and charming and handsome and good at his job and personable and kind and… lots of other things you didn’t want to admit, but he didn’t strike you as someone that would thrive in an academic environment. 

You took him out for drinks that afternoon. It was a small cafe that also served daydrinks, like mimosas or sangrias. It was a comfortable and safe environment, which was welcome, as today’s assignment was complicated even for you. Who knows why you took organic chemistry as your major. You hated chemistry. Everyone hated chemistry. 

You felt him watching you attentively, like he was checking if you might’ve needed anything. 

“What’s your homework on?” 

He was gentle in his approach. He liked you. 

You looked at him. He truly wanted to know, it wasn’t just small talk. 

You explained it as best at you could, truly, but he looked like he was about to cry, like it physically hurt his brain. Changing the subject, you asked what he was studying. 

“I’m majoring in Patriarchy and minoring in Horses and Beach.” 

You didn’t ask more. He was dead serious, too. He really was highlighitng and placing index notes on a book about horses. Stacked in his (pale yellow) backpack (with tiny embroidered flowers) were heavy textbooks, though, so he must've been studying something. Maybe this was part of the joke. After looking over his course catalogue to help him figure out assignment priority based on credit weights, you saw he was majoring in Gender Studies and minoring in Equine Science and Marine Biology. So yes, patriarchy, horses, and beach. 

The waitress stopped by your table and he panicked again, ordering the same thing as you. A little while later, two Espresso Martinis arrived. You sipped the drink casually, focused on your assignment. 

He didn’t mind it when you weren’t focused on him. He enjoyed your company, even in the quiet. He never felt like you were laughing at him. It was more like you found him funny, but in a nice way. He liked that about you. He liked all of you, actually. 

“Oh, wow!”

He had a sort of outburst that startled you from whatever it was you were reading. You couldn’t remember actually, the look on his face made you forget what you had just read. 

“Oh my gosh, that is terrible!!” 

He spoke in an elevated whisper, careful to not offend the workers. 

“Why does it hurt, is something wrong with it??” 

You covered your mouth to keep from laughing at him. He looked truly horrified. 

“Have you never had anything with alcohol in it before? I thought you were, like, what, 24? 25? Aren’t you in college?” 

“I don’t even have an age – wow, I’m so sorry, that is so bad.” 

He was so weird. So so weird. But you really liked that about him actually. He was sweet about everything and very kind and thoughtful, too. 

He clearly hated his drink but finished it anyway, probably out of courtesy. His face crumpled a bit every time he had to wash a dish that had a lot of food leftover. It was like he felt great sorrow for the chef – that their work wasn’t good enough for the customer, and they tried really hard, so that made him sad. 

Oddly enough, he put a $20 in the tip jar on the way out, shrugging when you asked him about it. He said sure, he didn’t like it, but that wasn’t anyone’s fault. He was grateful they ‘took good care of him’. He was just repeating what he’d heard other diner guests say when they tipped. He was so cute. 

You walked him home. He insisted on the other way around, but he was tipsy and didn’t really know what to do about it, hiccupping and catching his balance. He wasn’t frightened or anything, reassuring you he’d ‘seen this in the movies before’. You assumed he was referring to knowing what it’s like to be inebriated. Still, all this after only one drink, and a stereotypically girly one at that. 

“Thank you for walking me home and helping me with homework and letting me hang out with you today!” 

You smiled, nodding your head. 

“Sure, Ken. Do you work tomorrow?” 

He nodded excitedly, standing in a salute-like pose. 

“Sure do! I’m gonna wash the hell out of some dishes.” 

Cursing, although incredibly light for him, was something he told you he was learning to do since he was now ‘in the real world’. You didn't understand that, like most things about him, but you were excited to see him tomorrow nonetheless. 

𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀⋆˚✿˖°⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃⠀𓈒

For more Kenpostings I’ve written, click here.

For part two, click here!

[dragon-kazansky]

Midnight meeting

Astarion x Reader/Tav (GN)

Spoilers for the end of the game

It's done. The tadpoles are gone and all that's left is the future waiting for you to start a new chapter of your life. There's one person you're not going to leave behind, however.

Warnings: None really. Fluff. Astarion being Astarion. Not ascended. My game glitches at the end and I couldn't see the scene with Astarion, just Gale and Shadowheart T-posing while the dialogue popped up. So I wrote this.

♡♡♡

The sun had set on, what you could only describe as, a terribly busy day. The fate of everyone and everything relied on you and your friends taking down an Elderbrain.

If someone had told you a few years prior this is what your life would become, you wouldn't have believed them. Yet, you wouldn't change a single thing about it. Any of it.

There have been good times and bad times. It had been a struggle. There were nights where you lay there wondering if that night would be your last. There was also Astarion.

Your darling Astarion.

When the time came for him to make a difficult decision, you had been there to help make the choice. You had grown so close to the vampire, he opened his heart to you. A relationship blossomed unexpectedly. At first you were his entertainment, his guarantee of safety. Then he fell for you for real and he wasn't sure what to do about it.

One night he made up his mind. He liked you. A lot. You were sticking by his side through everything and he wanted more of that. You were so patient. So understanding. So kind. He didn't think he deserved any of it, but he was certainly glad to recieve it all.

You had become his person.

However, now that everything is right in the world again, the tadpole gone and people can go back to living their lives, Astarion can't help feeling guilty.

You had talked him down from ascension, which he was glad for, but also sad about because he could.no longer walk in the sun. He missed the days of waking up and seeing the sun shining on your beautiful face. He missed how it's warmth felt on his skin. He missed how happy you looked during the day.

Here you were, just past midnight, sitting by a fire keeping him company. He is watching you quietly. The glow of the moon filters in from a window. You look beautiful. Yet, his heart his heavy. He feels guilty.

You can feel his eyes on you. You lift your gaze. Those stunning red eyes are gazing at you, but you can tell he is lost in thought. You frown softly.

"Astarion?"

He doesn't move. Whatever is on his mind has really taking him away. Slowly, you reach out. Your hand finds his and your fingers curl around his pale skin. A slight jolt rocks through his body and he blinks. His gaze is on you and he is seeing you again.

"Apologies." His voice is soft. Distant.

"Are you alright?" You ask softly.

"Fine." Astarion turns his head back to the fire, but you can see the way he sulks. You move closer to him, shuffling into his side. Your arms wrap around him in a gentle embrace. You feel the way he craves your touch.

"Talk to me, Astarion. What's on your mind?"

He is silent for a few moments, but when he speaks his voice is soft and sad. "Are you happy?"

You look at him in disbelief. "Is that a real question?"

He nods.

You can't believe he ever felt the need to ask something life that. You lift a hand to his cheek and caress his cold skin. "I'm happier than I have ever been."

"What I mean is... are you happy with me? Staying with me is... is to be stuck in the shadows with me. You have no reason to deprive yourself of the joys of life to stay by my side. I... won't ask that of you."

"Astarion, you're not depriving me of anything. I love you. I will stand by your side because that's what I want. I won't ever leave you by yourself in the shadows."

Astarion's eyes glisten. He looks like he wants to cry. You stroke his cheek with your thumb softly.

"Do you hear me?" You ask softly. "I'm her because I want to be here. I love you more than anything. I am not about to abandon you after everything."

Astarion can't help himself. His arms wrap around you and he pulls you into his chest. He holds you tight and buries his face into your shoulder.

"Gods, I don't deserve you."

You smile.

"I'm exactly what you deserve."

The two of you sit like that for a while. Astarion has never been more grateful for anything. Meeting you, letting you talk him down from ultimate power, and for you chasing him into the shadows when it was all over.

You're his most precious gift, and he will never forget that.

[orphicrose]

What about rdr2 van der Linde Gang with a reader who stutters? I can imagine the reader being mostly quiet because of it, but at sind point they have to talk and I know people especially back then would make fun of it (Micah) and the gang standing up for reader.

He had it coming ( Camp x Fem!Reader)

Thank you for the request! I did do some research before i wrote this to make sure it was as realistic as possible. But i do apologies if it isn't so please let me know if i wrote it badly!

Warnings ! Micah, bullying, name calling.

---------------------------------------

The sad truth that a lot of people had to face during this era, was that nothing outside of social norms was taken seriously. Things like disabilities, appearances, or even sexuality, greeted with a mocking laugh or worse. Far worse. If you were lucky enough, you'd only be laughed at. But that didn't make it any better. The stereotypical cowboys that you were stuck with didn't make it easier. It's just one of those things you'd either accept or suppress over time.

In this situation, y/n suppressed it. Heavily. Growing up being beaten with insults, or fists because of it. The van der linde gang was somewhat outside of stereotypes, though. A lot of the members from all across the world; black, natives, Hispanic. Then there was Bill, everyone knew he played for the other team, despite the harsh denying and homophobia in return. But the point it, y/n got lucky with falling in with this specific group. Making judgements hard to give.

Y/n's 'issues' lied in her speech, being born with a stutter. It wasn't cute or dainty, it was annoying. What made it worse, the anxiety surrounding it. Sometimes she didn't stutter at all, around people like Arthur or Hosea. But around Micha, it was so much worse. Unbearable, even. The ignorance surrounding that man was almost unbelievable, even for the 1800s.

"Mornin, miss l/n" She was approached by a muscular shadow blocking the sun light from her position on the floor.

"Morning Arthur" Her smile infectious as he took a seat next to her, leaning back against a tree and pulling hit hat over his face. Shielding his eyes from the light. "Busy day today?"

He grunted, shifting in the soft lemoyne mud. "Uncles got a job set up" he failed at suppressing a laugh "Dunno how well it's gonna go."

Y/n chortled, imagining old Uncle out doing some real work. "We-well good luck. I'm glad I'm not joining y'all" her eyes returned to the easy reading of her book that Mary-Beth had lent to her.

Arthur hummed, relaxing in the hot air for as long as he could before his name was called to action.

"Arthur!" That wasn't uncles voice. He lowered his hat to see a nasty looking individual unfortunately strolling towards his direction.

"What do you want, Micah" His voice held hostility, reasonable hostility, as the greasy haired mans face was blinded by a ray of sunshine. Y/n huffed, clutching at the book harder to distract herself.

"Wanted to know what you're ta-ta-ta-talking about" He mocked y/n, without any subtleness about it. Y/n remained quite. It was sad to admit in any situation, but she had grown used to the constant mocking.

"Theres no need for that, is there?" Arthur raised to his feet without hesitation. Moving to get in Micahs face. Any excuse to punch him in the nose was a good excuse in his eyes,

"Now, now, Mister Morgan" The rat put his hands up in surrender, backing away with that smug grin still on his face. "It's just a harmless joke. No need to go out guns a blazin'"

"It's not supposed to be harmless, is it?" Arthurs fists clenched under his anger. Y/n rising to her feet behind him and putting a hand on the back of his shoulder.

"I-it's okay. Ar-Arthur" She mumbled, to which Micah laughed. Before he got the chance to get in the last word. Arthur had landed a heavy hit square in his face. Not wasting any time to wind it up before landing on his nose. Micah fell to the floor and began wailing about how his nose was broken. An audience soon formed around the rat writhing on the floor. Not much sympathy to be shared, but knowing glances at one another. Quiet laughs and 'he had it comings' shared between them before Dutch marched over. Clearing the group and making sure he was ok.

"Arthur, we've talked about this"

"I know, i know Dutch but-"

"The last thing we need right now is our gang turning against each other!"

Y/n could hear the two arguing in Dutch's tent, biting at her nails with worry. It was her fault, she thought. A hand landed on her back, spinning to see tilly with a sad smile.

"Its okay" She offered. "That rat had it coming. Arthur did everyone a favor" just thinking about him on the floor, in pain, brought serotonin to her.

"I-I guess" y/n mumbled

"No need to be ashamed, darlin" she took y/ns hands in hers. "you're perfect as is".

[makemeimmortalwithahug]

I can't stop thinking about dead boy detectives and Emily Dickinson ever since I saw Edwin and Charles' relationship unfold, these two boys whose deaths were covered up and "did not matter," as Edwin put it, and who have kept running from Death together for thirty years and counting; these two boys who would do anything to stay together. And I can't get

"I'm Nobody! Who are you? Are you - Nobody - too? Then there's a pair of us! Don't tell! They'd advertise - you know!"

out of my mind. Edwin and Charles as EdwinandCharles, together against everything that might separate them, looking into the world of the living from the outside but glad to do it together. They keep to themselves because, as long as they have each other's backs, it's always going to turn out at least okay.

Edwin and Charles cannot picture a world - an afterlife - in which they might lose each other, this bond they share of trust, harmony and loyalty. Emily herself wrote to her love Susan that she (I'm paraphrasing) that she might as well lose any other world, but she wants to continue living in the one in which she's together with her love. It's this utter devotion that we see in Edwin and Charles.

But also imagine Edwin reading Emily Dickinson's poems. I am not entirely sure when her poems might have been available in England, but I know that "I measure every Grief I meet" was first published in 1896.

I imagine him reading this poem during his time in school. He read it only once because this is the most he could bear, too real for him back then. He had suffered even before he went to Hell. He was bullied. His classmates would isolate him and cause him pain - they were the reason he eventually died, after all -, installed fear in him. The environment of the boarding school didn't give him any opportunity of respite, he couldn't get away and I doubt his parents would've been much of a help, if they had cared at all.

So, I imagine him quietly suffering, closing himself off because no-one seemingly cared enough to get to know him. Him barely talking, rather listening and watching what is going on around him, questioning whether everyone felt that way, so hollow and invisible at the same time, as if one wrong look would either go right through him or break him.

I measure every Grief I meet With narrow, probing, Eyes - I wonder if It weighs like Mine - Or has an Easier size. I wonder if They bore it long - Or did it just begin - I could not tell the Date of Mine - It feels so old a pain -

He has always felt this way, an ache he would tell himself he could barely feel anymore. Maybe he wondered as well how other people do it, living with a weight that drags you down and keeps you down, this dry sorrow that no tears flow anymore.

I wonder if it hurts to live - And if They have to try - And whether - could They choose between - It would not be - to die -

The encounter between Despair and Edwin is the reason why I thought of this poem in the first place. There are different kinds of grief, and despair is one of them, maybe that's why she might call upon Edwin someday.

There's Grief of Want - and Grief of Cold - A sort they call "Despair" -

Mostly I wonder what he would've thought, reading the last two lines:

Still fascinated to presume That Some - are like My Own -

Would he have been fascinated or would he have thought how unbelievably tragic this was? What would he think reading this after he met Charles? After he saw Simon again in Hell? Would it make him feel calm to see this written or sad?

No matter what it would be, I think him finding his way out of Hell (twice!) and Charles by his side have shown him that this pain does not define him, that there is always hope. And

“Hope” is the thing with feathers -

after all.

quoted:

"I'm Nobody! Who are you?" by Emily Dickinson

"I measure every Grief I meet" by Emily Dickinson

"'Hope' is the thing with feathers" by Emily Dickinson

[ellaenchanting]

Hi! I'm not the original anon, but I have a follow up question if that's okay. Sometimes I struggle with my concerns about (what I now understand is called) hypnoamory and the fact that I think there's enough stigma around kink that romantic relationships stemming from kink are viewed as inauthentic or suspicious. How do you handle those two ideas if at all? They seem contradictory to me

Hi new anon! Thank you for the follow up question!

So- my point of view is that no emotion we experience is inauthentic. The reasoning behind an emotion may be flawed (ex. "I'm scared because the pope is spying on me"), it might be masking another emotion (feeling angry instead of sad), it might be temporary and fleeting, but what you feel is always "real". If you say you're angry, I can't run a blood test on you and determine you're not, you know? The only test we HAVE for emotions is that we feel them internally and subjectively. If you say you're in love, then who am I to say that isn't true?

We could say that hypnoamory is artificially created love because of the neurotransmitters and behavioral cues - but then ALL love tends to involve neurotransmitters and behavioral cues. Who we ARE is a big ole pile of neurotransmitters and behavioral cues (and gut bacteria) (and ancient, wonky survival systems). Even in situations where love feelings go away quickly after someone stops hypnoplay (@sweettist wrote a great reply to my initial post with a story like this), I personally* couldn't say those love feelings were fake, just that they were ephemeral.

If I'm viewing hypnoamory (or frenzy or infatuation or nre or any of these related ideas) cautiously, it's not because I think that what people are experiencing isn't "real". It's because I know people in those states are a little bit altered and may have a harder time setting good boundaries for themselves. It's kind of like seeing a friend move in with a romantic partner who they've known for a month. The move could work out great for them! But, I'm aware that often it won't- that my friend probably feels love but doesn't know yet about deeper compatability with their new partner/roommate. If I were giving my friend advice, I wouldn't say to break up with their partner because I'm concerned, but I might caution them to wait a few more months before moving in.

As far as how I personally balance feeling and caution:

If I'm playing with an inexperienced bottom, for example, I may be very slow and deliberate about negotiation (because I'm extra mindful not to cross boundaries). My own boundaries might be stronger- for example, I may not want to do intense play with them for a while. If they tell me I'm the best hypnotist in the world, I'll thank them but also take that compliment with a grain of salt. If they seem extra devoted, I might talk to them about it and possibly slow things down. I won't make long term plans for us yet based on how they're feeling right now because I'm aware that those feelings might change. (Or they may not! But in time we'll know better and be able to plan better).

If I realize hypnoamory or nre is happening to me (and it does!), I'll double check my own boundaries and try to think critically about my own impulses. I may consciously slow play or communication down for a bit so I feel like I'm making good choices. I might check in with others about my partner's reputation because I know I can't see their blind spots right now as well as I might want to.

That being said, I have long-lasting love for some people in my life that seems to have started with hypnoamory. I'm really glad I didn't give up on those relationships just because of strong feelings! I also have relationships that started this way and just petered out- or ones that were always one sided crushes. That's how love goes- especially when that love is early and intense. And all of that is fine! Those are things that happen in all sorts of relationships, kinky or not.

So, all of that being said- I don't see the contradiction, anon. This isn't an either/or, it's a both/and. Hypnoamory can be great and it can cause issues. Relationships stemming from kink can be healthy and they can be dangerous. Frenzy can exhaust you and it can give you a lot of cool new experiences. Infatuation can burn out quick and it can lead to lasting, healthy love. It's all in the nuances.

*@sweettist might have a different point of view on that, though! I think it comes down to how people would define "real" or "inauthentic" here.

[igotanidea]

Surprise : Matt Murdock imagine

asked by @v4leoftears as a part of my celebration

A/N: it;s been a while since I wrote for Matt, and damn! It's nice to get back to that :D, words in italics are the the references to the past, at first, and Matt;s thoughs, later.

****************************************

„Suprise!”

Matt could barely do as little as open the door to his place when Karen, Foggy and  Y/N jumped out of different furniture and started happily screaming. They have been planning this little birthday party for him for a while now. Even though Y/N was not sure about hiding in the Daredevil’s apartment, her friends convinced her to do so.

“Come on! It’s gonna be fun!” Foggy said

“Unless he goes full vigilante mode and kills us all in a blink of an eye. You do realize he can hear people heartbeats, right? What do you think would be his first reaction upon sensing three of those in his flat?” she scoffed

“You are too modest, my friend. Everyone knows Matt can tell your heart from everyone else’s. It just beats differently, cause he is soooo in love with you” Nelson grinned at poor, blushing girl.

“Stop it , Franklin!”

“Don’t be me mad at me…..”

“I'm not mad!”

“Last time someone used my real name was probably in middle school, so yes, I can tell you are.”

“We can use some nice scent to calm him down” Karen suggested “I don’t think he would become suspicious if he smells the freshly baked cake or something like this. Or maybe we can get some of his favorite takeout?”

“Nah.” Y/N shook her head “it’s his birthday. We are not taking take-out. If anything I am going to prepare something nice from the scratch.”

“Oh, I’m so glad you agreed to this. I was truly worrying you were going to leave us alone with all the preparations.”  

“When did I agree…..?” Y/N trailed, but quickly realized how tricked she was “oh, damn…..”

The three friends had their hands full for the last couple days. The hardest task was probably pretending that they had no clue Matt’s birthday were coming. Even though he was throwing hints left and right.

“I think I should replace my hoodie soon, it seems like it is tearing.” He said one day.

“Really? I know a nice shop with good men’s clothes so I can take you there.” Y/N replied not even looking up from her documents

“I’m running low on medical supplies” he whined on the other

“too many dangerous adventures lately?” Foggy laughed “maybe the devil needs retirement.”

 “I might be taking some time off next Thursday., That’s a special date for me” was probably the most suggestive.

“All right. I’ll write it down so no one forgets and won’t take any clients of yours then.” Karen smiled brightly not catching the bait.

So all that left Matt in sad belief that no one of his friends remembered and made him just a bit more nostalgic than usual. He spoke less and tried to bury himself in the work. The plan was working just perfectly.

The only thing left to do was performing some magic so the three of them could leave the office early on that big day, without making Matt suspicious. Now that, that would be a challenge, no doubts. He was just too… careful and observant. 

But during all those times of being friends with him, Foggy, Karen and Y/n got sneaky and creative as well. Maybe even more than Matt, since, after all, they were the ones who had to keep his identity a secret and come up with excuses for him being late or bruised or disheveled.

So when the next Thursday finally came, miraculously Y/N got sick, Karen found a lead of a new investigation and Foggy had a family emergency. As a result Matt was left alone in the office, sulking, putting on his characteristic sad wet cat expression and getting lost in thoughts. Somewhere around six he gave up completely and with a deep sigh left the office heading straight towards his apartment. Apparently the only thing he could hope for (even on his b-day) was getting into gear and getting beaten up.

Yeah, well. If only he had more faith in his friends.

“SURPRISE!”

“What…..?” his surprised gaze landed somewhere above Y/N’s head, all his posture asking for any kind of explanation. “What…..?”

“Oh, you silly one!” Y/N rushed towards him, enveloping him a tight hug in which he immediately got lost “Please tell me, you did not actually think we forgot about your special day?”

“I….. I kinda did…..”

“You are a man of a little faith, my friend” Foggy laughed, reaching for the paper hat and putting it on Matt’s head.  “We’re gonna party like we did in college.” he added, handing him a bunch of party baloons in different shapes and sizes.

“We weren’t exactly party animals, Foggy.”

“Stop embarrassing us in front of the girls, Murdock!”

“If only that were the only thing that you can get ashamed of” Y/N rolled her eyes and grabbed Matt’s hand leading him inside “stop standing in the threshold birthday boy. There’s more than just some gadgets which were actually Foggy's ideas. ”

“Now you got me worried. I seriously hope you did not set fire in my apartment”

“Idiot!” Y/N smacked his head playfully “use some of your supersenses! Do you smell burnt?”

“Not really.” He smiled lightly “it’s actually pretty nice scent. What did you make?”

“Something special.” Karen grinned, getting the food out the oven “we figured you could actually use some home-cooked meal, instead of take-out again.”

“You shouldn’t have…..”

“Nonsense.” Foggy muttered.

“You, Nelson, have nothing to say in the matter! We made it all from scratch, you just came for the done!”

“Oh, I’m sorry! I brought the presents! That was some heavy lifting”

“Guys!” Karen interrupted Y/N and Foggy’s banter “stop fighting, we should focus on the man of the hour.”

“No, please.” Matt whispered “laugh and bicker all you want. I haven’t had so much laugh and fun in here for a while. It’s just …. nice. Thank you all.”

“Don’t thank us, yet. At least not before tasting and opening the gift.”

“You really shouldn’t have…..”

“Mattie….” Y/N took a step towards him “listen to me” she grabbed his face in her hands and looked him straight into the eyes “you. deserve it. All right? Nod If you understand.” He nodded obediently “don’t you ever think differently, love.”

“Ok, you two lovebirds, come sit and let us eat! I’m hungry!”

“You are always hungry, Foggy!”

“I’m a busy, important man! I’m entitled to be hungry. Can I start now?”

“ NO!” Karen and Y/N yelled in unison

“WHY?!”

“Not before a birthday cake!”

“There’s a birthday cake?” Matt raised his happy, gazeless eyes onto his friends “really?”

“Of course. What’s a b-day party without a cake? Now, here.” The girls put the dessert onto the table and lighted the candles.

“We weren’t sure how old you were, you ancient one….” Foggy joked

“We were actually surprised you lived this long…..” Karen added

“So this is just symbolic number.” Y/N ended the sentence “But the wish is yours to make.”

“I don’t…..”

“Sh! You don’t have to say it outloud. Just think it. It’s all right.”

“All right.” Matt whispered, his eyes glimming a bit as he leaned over the candles and blew them off in the first try.

“Please, I just want them to stay with me like this. I don’t want to be alone ever again”. He though

“Yes!” his friends clapped happily “you made it, it’s gonna come true! Happy birthday, Matt!"

It already did. He closed his eyes, trying to process all those happy feelings bubbling inside him. Thank you, lord. I don’t deserve any of this.

“Finally! Can I eat now?!”

Matthew Murdock never believed he could be happy. He was used to constant pain, fear, guilt and regret.  The feeling on carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders all alone. He was a martyr, who put himself on the cross and forgot how to get down from it. And now? Now all that emptiness that was his best friend, was extruded by laughing, joy and that warming presence of his favorite people – friends and the love of his life. They really were here. Despite everything he did, what he put them thought, they never stopped believing in him, never left him. God, he truly did not deserve them. Their voices, jokes and bantering was exactly what he needed. A reminder that no matter what he was not alone. He smiled lightly, digging into the food. Made just for him. To celebrate him. All the effort they put into that, all the planning and preparations. It was just too much to handle and he started to shake, almost unnoticeably by anyone.

Anyone except Y/N, who sat the closest to him.  

“Matty?” she reassuringly put  a hand on his shoulder throwing him off his reverie “Are you all right?”

“I’m just…. I need a second all right?” he stood up from the table and exit the room, followed by his friends’ surprised gazes. Y/N didn’t even need to think twice when she walked right after him towards the bedroom. Her man was just sitting on the bed, sobbing lightly and that made her blood freeze in her veins.

“Matty?” in a blink of an eye she was by his side, cradling his head and taking all the mixed-up emotions filling him whole “what happened, love? Sh.” She caressed his cheek lovingly “it’s all good. Tell me. I can’t let you go through a mental breakdown tonight. And well, ever. But especially tonight. Tell me, Matt.”

“You’re just all so good to me.” He whispered, hiding face in the crook of her neck “I still can’t process that…”

“Process what, silly? That we love you? That we care about you? That we only want what best for you? Even if sometimes requires tough love?”

“Yes.” He confessed and his confession made her tighten the grip on him

“Good thing we can always remind you.” she smiled and kissed the top of his head

“Thank you, Y/N.”

“Of course. I told you. You deserve it. You are a good person, Matthew Murdock. Stubborn like hell and individualistic, for sure, but deep down, nothing but good.”

‘Can we stay here for a while?” he asked just wanting to be with her until he got back his composure.

“I think….” She trailed, but sudden yelling from the dining room cut her off.

“Are you two gonna come out so Matt can open the presents?!”

“WHO’S BIRTHDAY IS IT, FOGGY?!” Y/N yelled back “WHY DO YOU FEEL THE URGE TO TELL PEOPLE WHAT TO DO IN WHAT ORDER?!”

All Foggy did in response was a happy laugh.

“something tells me he's getting another kind of present there!”

“Shut up, Franklin!” she couldn’t help but blush a bit “what do you say, jubiliarian, shall we get back?”

“Only if you give me your present later…” he smirked and kissed her cheek.

“We’ll see about that…..”  

[thelaughtercafe]

Muted Memories Chapter 2

Tea Type: Milk Tea

Potential Triggers:  Verbal and physical abuse, dissociating as a trauma response, nondescriptive murder, descriptive threats(not at reader).

Pairing: Issac Foster/F! Reader

Length: 4k+

Summary: Library explorations, and meeting new characters, fun for the whole family!

A/N: Chapter 2 is here!! Excited I finally got this done!! I’m not fully happy with the way it turned out but after messing with a few other ideas, I decided to go with the one I wrote while genuinely triggered since it felt the most raw and real.

I’m okay now; emotional flashbacks just really suck. Do not recommend lmao. Hope everyone enjoys and please do leave feedback! Always excited to hear from my readers on what they think!! ❤️

The rest of the day was easy once Zack dragged you back. Ray had thanked him in a reverent tone, to which the bandaged boy had only ruffled her hair fondly. They really were close. You hadn’t been expecting him to do the same to you however and it showed as you ducked your head to hide your burning face in Ray’s shoulder a moment. She giggled at your embarrassment and pet your hair. 

You all sat down and ate after that. Ray was attached to your side the rest of the morning, constantly either hanging off you, holding your hand or hugging you. She seemed touched starved, though given you were as well you easily obliged and accommodated her. You had to go to the library after breakfast since you no longer had a laptop and Zack had declined your offer to come, saying he had “better shit to do”. 

You shrugged him off but again reminded him to take anything he needed and disguised Rachel in one of your big hoodies before heading out. When talking about how well they were known they said their popularity had been dying down and they’d come here since it was so out of the way, hoping to find a forever home.

The air was a little chilly so you were glad you’d bundled up Rachel, however you were left shivering a little, given your other hoodie was still being repaired. You’d torn a noticeable hole in it on a rushed run out one day and the mender was blind; a friend Mr. Takamata had met and grown close to, and you had as well in turn. You wouldn’t give your business to anyone else despite the longer wait times. His job was always impeccable. Maybe you could get it on the way back, if he was still open. 

“Alright, to the library! We’ll go grocery shopping tonight on the way home and I’ll make dinner.”

“We’re gonna spend the whole day there?”

Rachel sounded excited at the prospect and you hummed in agreement. 

“Yeah, as long as you don’t mind. I need to do some school work and print out an essay. After that I figured I could show you some of my favorite books and maybe bring some home for Zack too.“

"That sounds fun but…mm…" 

Ray sounded happy at the prospect but trailed off and seemed conflicted, looking at the ground as she walked. 

"What’s wrong?”

“Oh I suppose it’s okay if I tell you. Zack can’t read.”

You blinked at that. He was around your age wasn’t he? You supposed you shouldn’t have been surprised. He clearly had a lot of inner trauma in addition to the physical. 

You smiled down at Ray though, swinging your held hands cheerfully. 

“I’ll get him some anyway. He doesn’t have to learn if he doesn’t want to of course, but I’d be more than happy to teach him. Even if he doesn’t, I like to read aloud anyway so he can enjoy it that way if he’d like.”

Ray gave a contemplative hum. 

“I don’t understand why you’re so nice to us. After everything we’ve done-”

You heard her voice crack and quickly stopped walking, gently pulling her aside and crouching down to her level to allow the other people milling about to pass. 

“Hey, hey! You keep sayin’ that, but from what I’ve seen you two are both damaged, but have been kind to me. It’s like I told Zack last night too…I’m lonely, sad as that may sound. So…no more apologies, okay? I’m happy to give you both a place to stay and let you have a fresh start. Mr. Takamata gave one to me…it seems only right that I should do the same.”

Ray threw her arms around you and you hugged her back before moving to stand. 

"Now, how about that library trip?”

She beamed up at you.  

“Let’s go!”

—–

You couldn’t help but sigh in relief as you both entered the library. It was cold, now. The wind had really picked up and you were already dreading the 20-minute walk back home when it’d be colder tonight.

Maybe you ought to stop by Reginald’s place on the way back after all. Now that you were here though, you had to put your game face on. You had two essays and one story to work on. Your only fun elective this semester was Monsters in Literature. Best teacher too; he reminded you of Robin Williams in his enthusiasm and inspiring words. You had a vague outline of ideas for the story and you wrote often, but creating original content was much harder than the fanworks you were used to. 

The essays were honestly easier. Everyone was always surprised when you told them that, but essay’s were really just cramming as many words as possible to get a simple point across most of the time, and given you enjoyed writing, even if it was boring as sin it was at least easy to bullshit. 

You observed Ray as you put your bookbag down, wanting to get her set up before starting. 

“You’re around 14 right?”

She nodded. 

“15, now actually. As of a few weeks ago.”

“Oh! We’ll have to celebrate. I’ll pick up some overtime, make sure to remind me to get a cake this weekend okay? Just in case my memory goes kaput after all this school work.”

She giggled and nodded happily as you mimed passing out. 

“Do you know what kind of books you like hun? I can get you set up in the right section and then get started here.”

She gave a carefree shrug. 

“I didn’t read much. Too noisy before.” 

Seeing the way her eyes went dull again you got to your feet and held your hand out to her before she could go too deep into her memories.

She took it and you led her into the adjoining room for Young Adult Fiction, not acknowledging the fact that she trembling with anything more than a soothing thumb rub. 

“Here’s the YA section. All kinds of scenarios and characters here- I recommend reading the back or inside of the flap and then just picking whichever one sounds interesting! You can always just go based on the cover if you’d like a more randomized experience though. This is still my favorite section honestly; if you need any help with the words or have any questions don’t be afraid to ask me. Feel free to get comfy, and if anyone that’s not me comes up to you, come get me or yell my name if you get scared, I’ll be just in the other room.”

After making sure she was okay you left her, happy to see she was already hesitantly beginning to explore. 

You sighed in resignation, sitting down and cracking your neck.

No more distractions, time to get your work done!

—–

The day passed quickly, with Ray occasionally coming over to ask for help with a word she didn’t know but it was a rarity and she was already on the 2nd book in a supernatural fantasy series when you were finished. You playfully took it from her to check the title. 

“Ooh Maximum Ride hm? That’s a good one, haven’t read it in ages. One of my favorites at your age too. Let’s bring it home with us huh?”

She nodded eagerly, a big grin on her face as she made grabby hands for the book, and you obliged, quickly grabbing the 3rd and 4th one as well. After a moment’s hesitation you grabbed 2 more for good measure, one for you, and one for Zack. You know how you were as a child and better safe than leave the poor girl on a cliffhanger. Luckily the librarians and you were already well acquainted given you came to volunteer to read to the kids here when you weren’t in school. It was a quick affair to check the books out and you were on your way. 

The essays had given you no trouble and were already sent to your professors…but that damn story had you completely stuck. You knew the general concept you wanted was dealing with possession of some sort but you couldn’t figure out who should be doing the possessing. It was the idea of being out of control you wanted to tap into Such a primal fear so underexplored by most monsters. 

It was still freezing oh God- you shivered as you and Ray made your way home. She looked at you worriedly and you could tell she was going to offer you the jacket but you patted her head. 

“I’ll be okay- gonna s-stop and get my m-m-mended one before groceries after all.” 

You sped walked and reached Reginald’s in record time, who luckily was just about to close up. 

“Reggie, please tell me you have my coat finished?”

Your eyes and voice were pleading and when he reached out to touch your arm in greeting he recoiled, frowning in fatherly disapproval. 

“Young lady, what on Earth are you doing out here in this cold without any protection?”

He sighed heavily and easily made his way back inside, holding the door open for you and Ray. 

It was the same as always, not a speck of dust in sight, but homey and most importantly, warm. You held your hands to your lips and warmed them. You could’ve cried when after a few moments Reginald came out, coat in hand. 

“Oh thank you so much! I’m in your debt! Here-” 

You went to pull out your wallet but at the sound of rustling Reggie tsk’d and shook his head. 

“No need, sweetheart. Can’t let ole’ Takamata’s daughter freeze now can I? How’s about you introduce me to your little friend here and I’ll call it even.”

You smiled fondly and sighed in defeat, slipping your dark burgundy coat over your t-shirt and zipping it up.  

“Fair deal! This is Ray, her and her older brother Zack will be staying with me from now on. They broke in and I couldn’t just turn away hungry people, especially a young girl like her. You know how Mr. Takamata was, he’d roll over in his grave if I didn’t help!”

The lies merged with the truth and Reginald laughed heartily, while Ray looked at you in disbelief. She surely expected you to give them fake names or backstories but there was no need. To lie effectively, you just had to be confident and believe what you were saying. 

“True enough!! Well, nice to meet you little lady, call me Reggie hm? Here, this hoodie feels too thin-”

“Reggie!”

He ignored your exasperated voice and before you knew it he’d tossed a small lilac coat and large black one your way and was shooing you out despite you protests. 

“I’ll hear nothing of it! Consider it a welcoming gift! Now get!” 

“Thank you Reggie. Really.”

He waved you off and patted Ray’s head before walking off. You smirked fondly and turned to look down at Ray. 

“Welp. How’s about we just get something hot and head on home? Zack may get worried if we’re out too much longer.” 

Ray nodded cheerfully. 

“Sounds great to me! I’m starved! That man was really nice, I hope we see him again soon.”

You giggled at her enthusiasm, opting to get pizza at the place right down the hill so it wouldn’t be a long walk. 

“Me too. I’m sure you’ll like him even more as you get to know him. He’s very kind. He has a service dog named Bucky, I’m sure you’ll get to meet them both again soon.” 

You held the pizza and Zack’s new coat, while Ray got the soda, garlic knots and the pepperoni pinwheel you caught her drooling over in the display case. 

You walked through the door with her on your heels, grinning and calling for Zack as you entered. 

“Zack we’re ho-”

Your voice died out at the sight in front of you. You couldn’t breathe. 

Why was he…here?

“Chris?”

That cursed name escaped your lips, bile burned your throat as he smiled and took a step closer. You went to back up, the door still open and remembered Ray and the fact your hands were full. 

Where was Zack? Didn’t matter you had to get Ray to safety. But she was already entering behind you, and setting the food on the table like he wasn’t there. She came over to take the pizza but you were in shock.

“The one and only!” 

His smile twitched, but you knew behind the mask he was seething as Ray began pulling out the food and setting the table. 

“Pizza night hm? Funny. I haven’t gotten my pay this month yet, I trust you have that ready for me?”

You just stared at him in stricken fear. The door was closed but you still felt just as frozen.

“…What are you doing here? How did you find this place?”

“Oh here? I’ve known for years, pet.I just…”

His smirk turned to a sneer. 

“Loosened your leash a little. Now, if you won’t give me what I want, you’re surely not fit to raise a child here. Maybe I’ll take her home…give her a proper enviorment. I mean, she didn’t even greet me properly. You know what happens to impolite children, don’t you?”

You didn’t speak up but you moved your body to block the way to the kitchen, motioning for Ray to run with your free hand, but she was completely oblivious. Your eyes steeled a little, but your voice was still that of a terrified kid. It didn’t matter that you were older now, it didn’t matter that you thought you were getting better. 

Suddenly you were a frightened child all over again. 

“I won’t let you have her.” 

You flinched at the feeling of a hand on you and looked down to find her gripping your hand, tugging you lightly towards the table.  

“Dinner’s ready. Come eat.”

Her eyes had gone dead, and she was pointedly ignoring Chris. She seemed very dissociated; probably a trauma response from her own family, if you had to guess. You realized your other hand still held the black coat and tossed it on the couch before reluctantly letting her take you to the table where you sat down. She sat too, and began eating while you looked numbly down at your plate. 

You heard the chair slide back as he sat at the head of the table, beginning to dissociate a little yourself but maintaining your hypervigilance. You felt shaky and scared, aware of every move he and yourself made. He began to eat, completely unbothered. 

You’d finally felt safe, away from him. Thought he was oblivious and finally mostly out of your life, save the monthly payments. You should have known you could never beat him. That he couldn’t cope with the loss of control. 

Now one of the first people in your life you allowed yourself to care for was at risk. It was your fault for not safeguarding against this possibility and the only reason you weren’t spiraling was because you knew you had to keep Ray safe. 

“What do you want?”

Your voice shook, but it was low and even, in hopes of being non-threatening. 

He was nonchalant as ever.

“You’re going to protect me, and let me stay here. I’m only hiding here because some psychopath showed up at my place.”

Your breath hitched and you looked up in fear as Ray jumped to her feet.

“Zack!?”

You hopped up quickly and wrapped Ray in your arms to shield her, and quickly mustered a lie. 

“Shh…shh…Zack isn’t here sweetheart.”

“That’s the second time I’ve heard that name. Who is he? Is he staying here too?”

“He’s her older brother. When she gets scared she seeks him out- I’m not the only one who got traumatized.”

Your mutter was bitter and under your breath but he caught it. 

He always heard it. He stood and you held Ray tighter. You just had to last until Zack got here. Keep him placated. You trembled- God why did the shakes never stop around him?

“Talking back? Pathetic. You’re shaking like a damn leaf. Whatever. You’ll always be a freak.”

You swayed as the familiar insult caused an emotional and partially visual flashback, hearing faint words, catching glimpses from the back of your mom’s car. She was inside getting groceries. 

“You’re such a damn freak- those bullies at school were right about you. You’re really nothing but a freak. Everything you do is freaky-”

He’d used variations of the word till you were hyperventilating upon your mother’s return. You couldn’t hide it fast enough, but his mask was right back on. Told your mother he was “getting you used to the word.” Ha. She’d harmlessly shared the bullying you’d confided in her about, having no idea you intentionally hadn’t told him because she didn’t know any better. 

But your Mother isn’t here now. 

Your shaking stopped and you took a deep breath, steeling your own mask. You straightened from hugging Ray and glared at where he stood by the chair he claimed. 

“I don’t care what you do with me, but you won’t hurt her. I’ll never let you abuse anyone else I care about again.”

He threw his head back in bitter, sadistic laughter and you acted quickly, grabbing her jacket in one smooth motion and rushing to shove Ray outside, with a simple command before slamming the side door shut and locking it, tossing the key out there with her so she nor Chris could get her back inside. 

“Find Zack and stay hidden if you can’t!”

She hesitated, meeting your eyes and you smiled at her, trying to make her feel secure only to yelp as something slammed hard on the back of your head, sending you to the floor. You vaguely registered the picture and glass surrounding you, and the sound of Ray crying out your name in panic. The picture of you and Mr. Takamata lay near your face and you smiled weakly.. 

“…Sorry, Dad. Looks like I won’t be able to fulfill my promise after all.”

Your head felt wet and warm, and your vision was getting murky. You felt dizzy, trying to stay conscious. Chris was yelling, but for once…you felt serene. No fear. No constant hypervigilance. No more masks. But…Zack. Where was he? You never got to give him his new coat…

Darkness took you under. 

—–

Zack burst into the door with a loud bang, wild eyes scanning the area. He’d been searching frantically for the bastard all day and was exhausted and starving after a long day. He’d been planning to pick up the following day when he arrived, only to hear an unfamiliar male screaming curses. 

Zack didn’t consider himself a protective person. He’d grown up most of his life alone and fending for himself. Ray was an exception to the rule, and he thought he’d never find someone he wanted to protect again. Till he met you. He didn’t know you well. Didn’t even fully trust you yet, honestly, always wary to give trust. But he saw something of himself in you. Plus, you were horrendously naive and so, so in need of protection. 

This bastard seemed the best place to start. 

To see him in his new home, where he finally felt safe? Zack was anything but happy. The man froze after kicking you on the floor. Zack spotted Ray with tears swimming in her eyes as she screamed behind the back door, before rushing to meet up with him, heading around to the front once she saw him. 

Things moved quickly after that. 

Zack had the man by the throat, sadistic snickers leaving him ceaselessly as he held him against the nearby wall because if he didn’t laugh and scream he was going to do something else and he vowed to never do that again. 

“You’ve got 3 seconds. Talk.”

The man, if he could be called that, was near pissing himself in fear but Zack felt none of the typical satisfaction. Just rage, simmering under the surface along with his want to rip the slight smirk he saw tugging at the asshole face whenever he glanced at your crumpled body. 

“I have no problem with you, alright!? I don’t know what you want- if you want to kill her she’s all yours, but I haven’t done anything! I’m an upstanding citizen, I swear!”

“So lemme see if I got this right. You come into my house, trash my place, hurt my family, not only fucking up their heads but physically too and you think I’m gonna let you walk outta here?”

Zack threw his head back in magical laughter at the thought; it was the funniest damn joke he’d ever heard. At that, Chris finally snapped and threw a punch, facade dropping in an instant, but Zack held fast, vaguely noticing Ray walking up next to him a look in her eye he hadn’t seen since they were trapped. 

“God you’re a freak just like her- no, you’re some kinda monster! Guh-!”

Ray stabbed hard into his stomach, making the man gurgle on his words. He looked down in shocked horror and Ray was impassive. 

“You hurt her, so I hurt you.”

He cursed at her too. 

“You little bitch!! You’ll never get away with this, I’ll make you pay!”

Ray shook her head in disappointment.

“There’s no fixing you.”

She waved before turning her attention to you.  

“Bye bye.”

Chris opened his mouth to snarl at her again but Zack was done playing games. He had more important things to do. He glared, shaking the man before beginning to drag him outside and into the forest, talking casually.

“Pretty sure we got unfinished business buddy. See I’ve got a sharp knife, and I’m curious how many pieces I can cut off before you bleed out. Shall we find out together?”

“No, no God please!! Have mercy!”

“Shut the Hell up!”

His shout was one of anger as he tossed the man down and kicked him hard in the ribs, paying no mind as he screamed in pain. 

“That’s what I caught you doing to the woman who let us stay here! I don’t know why she’s afraid of you, but after tonight she’ll never have to fear you again. Nothing should scare her more than me. I won’t let you have her. I refuse. Her fear belongs to me. Now do the whole damn world a favor and DIE!”

His last word was a guttural roar of anger and when the man was finally dead by his hand, Zack crumpled. He didn’t know why, or how. His body was shaking and his bandaged were wet and it wouldn’t stop. He didn’t like it at all. This feeling, the way His mouth made sounds out of his control. It felt like…he’d killed his demon a second time, but this time it wasn’t just his. It was yours too. He found…he liked the feeling. More than his usual kills. This was more…liberating. He took the time to let whatever was happening run its course as he dragged the now dead piece of meat into the forest and buried him with the very shovel you used to do as he had, but for someone you loved rather than loathed. Love. Still such a foreign word and concept to him. He shook off his thoughts 

But now he needed to make sure you stayed alive long enough to hear him gloat. He could worry about the oddness of “feelings” later. Ugh. He shuddered. Feelings. Gross. 

He bit down a smile as he made his way back towards the house, seeing from the window that Ray was already patching you up, one of your textbooks open next to her. 

Maybe whatever he felt for you and Ray though, wasn’t quite so bad. 

[nikethestatue]

I’ve turned into a bit of a SJM hater so excuse the rant but I’m glad CC flopped, it’s deserved after dragging out ACOTAR and treating readers horribly! I hope SJM or people around her know it’s not liked by her readership and that they aren’t just looking at the goodreads rating and the sales numbers. I won’t feel sad for her if the next ACOTAR book or the one after that doesn’t do as well. I’m sorry to be mean but SJM needs to be humbled a bit.

Also, I’m really suspecting SJM does not like the next ACOTAR book and she’s being held at gunpoint to write it at this point. Since 2021 she’s said nothing about it beyond “I’m very excited about it.” Yet in the HOFAS interview she couldn’t wait to start teasing the next book after ACOTAR5 and didn’t even say anything about her actual next book. Maybe she’s already finished it for all we know but… I personally don’t believe she’s slowed down her writing as a whole. I think ACOTAR5 specifically has slowed her down. She wrote HOFAS relatively quickly, considering she took 6 months of maternity leave.

Do you think she ditched her first draft of ACOTAR5 that she talked about writing last September, and that’s why in April she said she was drafting? If so, I’m terrified for Elain’s book.

So I don't disagree with anything you said, Anon.

I think the biggest issue is the complete lack of transparency and updates on anything ACOTAR-related from her and from BB.

Because the problem is that--we just don't know. Anything. We absolutely do not know anything.

'Writers block' is a real thing. Some people think it's made up and fake, but it is absolutely a thing. It's not laziness. It's not the lack of ideas. It's not time. It's just...a block. Take it from someone who is currently suffering from it. I just can't write. The whole scene, the entire chapter is in my head. But I physically cannot sit down and just type it out. It's inexplicable, but it's real. And SJM, who delivered mammoth books year after year, could very well be suffering from it.

Or not.

For all we know, she might have submitted the final draft to BB ages ago.

But, companies also have schedules, printing, PR, allocation of funds and the whole rigmarole that goes into publishing books from a multitude of writers.

So, they might just be sitting on it and it's just not the time for them internally to publish it.

It could be the new printer issue as well.

So like, a billion different things.

And the ONLY thing they need to do is just release a 2 sentence statement/update.

That's it. We'd all shut up and wait.

Simplest thing.

But no.

And it just builds resentment and annoyance, and people are dropping off.

[multishipper-baby]

what FTEs ideas do you have? 👀

Here's a few of the ideas I have for the sillies. Under the cut because I wrote for far too much lmao.

For Joy, I think the main idea would be for her first FTEs to paint a very rose-tinted version of her, and then she starts being more honest as she gets comfortable with Freddy. Like, the first two are all her speaking about the good parts of being an idol and such, then in the third she lets slip that she has issues with her family, and then in the next two she expands on her relationship with them and her insecurities. The last FTE would have her come back to the topic of being an idol, and she's more realistic about it this time (mentioning the problems with the industry and such), but it ends in a positive note, with her affirming that she's still happy doing her job because it helps her inspire others and whatnot. Girl who is used to always putting on a smile opening up to a guy who comforts her and makes her smile for real this time <3

Golden... I'm still not entirely sure if it's the right concept, but right now I like the idea of Golden's initial FTE being about him talking about all the complexities that come with his position, only for the second FTE to reinforce this by Golden expressing confusion or sadness over some normal childhood experience, and confessing that he missed most of his childhood because he was so busy focusing on work. So, the next FTEs are about Freddy trying to give Golden the chance to experience some childhood joy! They play games together, they watch a movie on the A/V room, Freddy talks about his favorite toys and promises to gift Golden one when they get out. In the end, Golden thanks him for being such a good friend, and says someone who's as nice as Freddy should be a politician, because he's the sort of person who should have power. Freddy isn't sure how to respond to that, but he's glad Golden holds him in such high regard.

Toddy's FTEs would be more subtle about their storytelling, I think. She'd insist from the start that Freddy's fit is not in fashion, and thus would spend their encounters putting him in other clothes she had in her room (for when she's studying male fashion). We'd learn about her life from the tidbits she gives about each outfit, like mentioning a particular one reminds her of her father and it makes her feel lonely. By the final FTE, Toddy thanks Freddy for sticking by her this whole time, despite her constant criticism- she didn't mean to be so rude, she just wanted an excuse to dress up someone so she could distract herself from the stress the situation is putting on all of them. Cue a wholesome moment where Freddy assures her that he had fun too and he's glad to help her whenever she needs to destress, be it with talking about fashion or something else.

Cami's first FTEs would be about her pointing out Freddy's anxiety and the general unease in the group and trying to think of ways to help with that, from her perspective as a therapist in training. Then Freddy would offend her by questioning her calmness in such a situation, calling it creepy and such... He later apologizes for this, and Cami opens up to him after that, explaining that this is the reason she became a therapist in the first place: she's always been considered odd, so she tried to study people in the hopes of being able to act "normal". But even now, despite her great ability to read people, she's unable to behave like a "normal" girl- it's just not in her nature. Freddy reaffirms that he was in the wrong for what he said, and that there's nothing wrong with how she is. If anything, having someone that can keep a cold head in this situation is a good thing! She's great, really! Cami takes a second to take in the words, then smiles and teases Freddy over having a crush on her, embarrassing him. They do end up having a cute moment together, though.

Eak's FTEs would be kind of meandering for the first ones- he just kind of talks about his diet plan, his past work opportunities, the training he's done with weapons and without, that sort of thing. Then Freddy would comment on how he seems pretty dedicated to this whole bodyguard business and Eak brushes him off by saying it's just what he's good at and it beats having to study for a degree, before Freddy points out that he's been really protective of the group and flustering him. For the fifth one, Eak talks about his relationship with Cami and Towntrap and how he hasn't been able to be there for them emotionally because he sucks at that sort of thing, so he always tried to take care of them physically since they both dealt with bullies growing up, and how now doing that sort of thing just feels natural now. Then, for the last one, Eak would reinstate that he'll do his best to take care of all the group, but this time tried very awkwardly to communicate that he'll watch over Freddy specifically- and Freddy probably fires back with something cheesy about how he'll protect Eak, too. Eak would be pretty caught off guard, and wouldn't take it too seriously, but be very charmed by the gesture all the same. My sillies.

Fox would kind of start his FTEs in a similar vein to Akane's- when Freddy inquires about something relating to his talent, he says that he doesn't actually care about basketball all that much. I mean, he likes the sport, but he's mostly in it for the money and all that. He later explains that basketball used to be a hobby of his back when he was on the orphanage, since it was something to do instead of watching the wall all day, and thanks to his height he ended up getting really good at it. Once people started praising his ability and he got scouted, he poured himself over it as much as he could, seeing it as an opportunity to take care of himself and his sister without depending on anyone else. How he doesn't enjoy it all that much anymore, due to how much dedication it requires at a high level, but doesn't really feel like he has any other option with his lack of a good education and someone who depends on him. I just don't have an ending for this one yet- because how is Freddy supposed to help? Guiding him into getting his love for basketball back? Offering him an alternative path that would still be enough to support his sister? Just comfort the guy? Idk.

Besides them, most of my plans for the FTEs are kind of undercooked. I have a few ideas here and there, but nothing too substantial.

[afrenchwriter]

20 questions for fic writers

I was tagged by @andromeda4004, thank you dear 🥰 Always an interesting game to play, share, and reflect!

How many works do you have on ao3?

17

What's your total ao3 word count?

313,513

What fandoms do you write for?

I launched my AO3 account with a Red Dead Redemption fanfic, and then I discovered Good Omens, and then... well, you know how it goes with this fandom ❤️ That being said, I also had fun exploring the seas during the golden age of piracy (Our Flag Means Death) and the lands of a Norse God (Loki).

Top five fics by kudos:

For His Eyes Only (GO - James Bond AU, M rated, 69K)

Getting Closer (GO - fluffy post-S1 fic, G rated, 3K)

To the End of the Ocean (OFMD - post-S1 fic, M rated, 71K)

Whatever Comes After (RDR - canon divergence AU, M rated, 84K)

Ties & Other Obsessions (Loki - 5+1 fic, T rated, 4K)

Do you respond to comments?

Always! I treasure each and every one of them ❤️ But I have to confess that these past few months have been a bit hard (not much energy, unfortunately), and I'm still trying to catch up on all the lovely comments I've received.

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Mmh, good question... I'm afraid I don't know how to do that 🙃 Even the last fic I wrote for the GO historical minisode event (Shadow & Light) was supposed to end on an angsty note, and at the last minute, I decided to add a happy epilogue! But if we're talking bittersweet ending, then it would be Sharp Endings & New Beginnings, a post-S2 Loki fic... If you've seen the show, then you know 🌳

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Hard to say, considering my previous answer 😇 but all the long fics listed above have a very happy ending!

Do you get hate on fics?

I did, once, on my OFMD fic... It was a shock, but also an interesting experience: it pushed me to question my narrative choices (and, in the end, confirm them).

Do you write smut?

I do... And I have a second AO3 account dedicated to it 😎 (I wonder how many people will reach this part of the tag game and find this out, eheh)

Craziest crossover:

None for now... (For His Eyes Only cannot be considered a crossover since Crowley is basically James Bond 😎).

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I don't think so!

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes! @pavel-pedro has started to translate To the End of the Ocean in Russian... and whether it will be one day finished or not (I know how time-consuming such a work can be!), I'll forever be grateful for the gesture ❤️

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I'm currently co-writing a fic, actually, with my lovely friend @sabotage-on-mercury: a GO/Fleabag AU! We're taking our time for all sorts of reasons, but we want to make sure we deliver quality content, considering the source materials!

All time favorite ship?

The Ineffable Partners, of course. How can you beat a relationship between two beings who have known each other for millennia and have gone through all sorts of ups and downs, down here and out there?

Or, as Neil would say: why? Love ❤️

What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

*insert awkward look monkey puppet meme* I don't know, man... I have too many WIPs piling up lately, and not enough energy to work seriously on any of them... I do hope I'll finish all of my GO WIPs someday. But the one WIP I doubt I'll ever come back to (although it makes me sad because the outline I have for this story is WILD) is the sequel of my long RDR fic, called What We Owe to Each Other.

What are your writing strengths?

I've been told several times that I'm good at capturing a character's voice, and that makes me really happy. I'm a huge cinephile and good dialogues, "natural" dialogues, are so important - I'm glad to be able to consider this as one of my strengths! I would like to say developing a plot, too - I love writing long fics and exploring characters' arcs - but I think I'm still too close to the source material for now to consider it a real strength... Room to grow!

What are your writing weaknesses?

I'm a slow writer; I need to develop my ability to use imagery and metaphors; and I need better organization when it comes to writing drafts and editing the whole thing!

Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

Well... I'm French and I write my stories in English + I work as a translator, so... Yes to dialogues in other languages, always (then translated, of course)!

First fandom you wrote in?

I'm not exactly sure, but it must have been between those three: Harry Potter, The Lord of the Rings, and Artemis Fowl (ah, teenage years!).

Favorite fic you've written?

That's a hard one... Whatever Comes After will forever have a special place in my heart since it's the fic that 1/ brought me back to writing 2/ helped me prove to myself that I was able to complete a long story. Senses & Sensitivity was my first fic for the GO fandom, and 1/ it made me feel confident to write more for the Ineffable Partners 2/ I made some great connections thanks to it (hello @hasturswig! ❤️). I don't think I've ever had more fun than when I was writing For His Eyes Only (and the enthusiastic comments along the way really helped! ❤️). But, to finish, I'd like to mention When All Is Said and Done, a GO fanfic in the South Downs that just poured out of me after the S2 finale... It really made me experience the magic of writing again.

If you've reached the end, thank you for reading! Feel free to ask me anything... And to consider yourself tagged if you want to play this game, too! ❤️

[trulybetty]

2023 Tumblr Top 10 Posts

This was really interesting to go through as I really try to avoid anything related to stats - but also fun to revisit some posts/fics I’d forgotten about!

This year was such a transformative year in many different ways, that I’m still trying to process with 2024 quickly approaching. I’m looking forward to seeing what the New Year brings. But I hope it brings me more of the same I’ve experienced here - community building and some wonderful people that I get to call friends 💕

So if you’re interested, check out the following! If you do your own Top 10, please tag me in it! 🙌 you can do your own here!

1. 879 notes - Jun 26 2023 - Pre-Outbreak/Non-Outbreak Joel (photo set)

2. 413 notes - Sep 10 2023 - Sequins (Joel)

Still so thankful for @wildemaven posting that gif - because if she hadn’t Sequins!Joel would never have been created! It’s the gift that keeps on giving. This was also my first foray into anything non-TLOU themed for Joel and I’m still shocked it was received so well. 

3. 306 notes - Sep 26 2023 - Happy Birthday (Joel)

Written for Joel’s birthday - this was just straight up smut and birthday sex. But hey, it’s canon Joel likes it gentle, steady, nice and slow… so who was I to not give him nice and slow 🫠

4. 237 notes - Aug 16 2023 - Stood Up (Frankie)

To this day I don’t remember where this idea came from. I was really intimidated to write for Frankie, like I almost didn’t post this! But I’m so glad I did, it’s spurred several other one-shots involving Frankie x Mav and a current (neglected) WIP that I’m excited to get back to in the new year.

5. 227 notes - Aug 31 2023 - Marcus Pike coded Pedro, which inspired this (and number 7).

6. 225 notes - Jul 6 2023 - New (to me) Whiskey promo shoot (photo set)

7. 205 notes - Sep 2 2023 - Sick Day (Marcus)

When I first came back to fanfiction I was so confused by the reader insert format. The last time I wrote fanfic, it was canon characters or OC’s - which is what both Gold Rush and Chiffon (my first) are written in. So in order to try out the format I started with Marcus and what is now the Sweet Jane series. I have plans for those two, I have how they met mapped out in my head, that I hope to explore soon!

8. 175 notes - Aug 4 2023 - Strings (Joel)

This was another nerve wracking foray - reader insert Joel and because it was a challenge to write Joel with someone other than my OC. It started as a one-shot, that then was three parts, then four and finally finished at five. It’s also the only series I’ve managed to complete 😆. I’m so proud of this one, it has a special place in my heart - this is the ending Joel deserves, living on a little farmhouse being taken care of and a reluctant chicken dad.

9. 167 notes - Aug 14 2023 - A Sunday Night Ramble (text post)

This was a late night epiphany - where I realised that I was trying to force writing and make my two OG series’ fit into more palatable moulds for others consumption rather than writing the story I wanted. It’s also a good reminder that it’s okay to take a break from something that isn’t currently serving you. If you come back to it two day later, two weeks later or never - it’s okay. You’re not beholden to anyone. This is all supposed to be fun first and foremost, if you’re not having fun then it may be time to step back and re-evaluate.

10. 166 notes - Aug 24 2023 - Drip (Joel)

I still get sad when I think about this piece. Like real sad. I don’t know if I could write something like this again now - or ever. I was well and truly in my feels with this one. I made the decision to watch a walkthrough of all the cut scenes of TLOU2 and it broke me. I knew what was coming, but knowing and watching were two different things. I do like that I left this one open to interpretation - meaning I can revisit one day if I want, so who knows.

NPT’s: @wildemaven, @gnpwdrnwhiskey, @rhoorl, @morallyinept, @frenchiereading, @maggiemayhemnj, @magpiepills, @goodwithcheese, @secretelephanttattoo, @sin-djarin, @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin, @undercoverpena, @nerdieforpedro, @linzels-blog, @for-a-longlongtime, @avastrasposts​, @musings-of-a-rose, @mysterious-moonstruck-musings​ & anyone else who wants to play - consider this me tagging you in! Please tag me if you do it! I’d love to see! 🙌

[silverskye13]

That xisuma fic was absolutely incredible! If you have any more specific headcanons about android!X I would love to hear them! The idea is amazing and you wrote it so well!

Hai-yo! I'm glad you liked the writing snippet! ^_^

Oh boy, headcanons. How dare you make me organize my thoughts! Let's see.

Android!X is a server that one day decided to stop running in the background. Where I think most of the hermits were "born" on a home world that they can return to, it's more like Xisuma goes into his own mind. Similarly, if someone were to plot a course in the universe to Xisuma's home world, they'd just end up standing in front of him. [I feel like this also means between seasons X just kinda floats like a spaceman in hyper sleep through the void, go you funky little robot go!]

His body is made of circuitry and nanobots? In a way that isn't in any way functional to real life. But it's like he's a beehive almost. He has a living, moving body, but it's built for finesse and life-like expression. That kind of detail needs constant maintenance, so he has a fleet of little drone nanobots constantly doing repairs.

On that note, I think metallic/cybernetic/redstone components don't respawn like organic matter does on death. If it takes damage, it has to be repaired. Hermits like Doc are only mildly hampered by this, since any time his mechanics break, only parts of him are out of commission. For X though, anything that doesn't kill him outright has to be repaired. His nanobots help this, especially with small bits of damage accrued throughout the day, but anything that does significant damage requires him to power down to focus on repair and rebuild, where his nanos can run rampant while he rests. [He's never not productive though. Normally he uses this time to catch up on writing memory transcripts and other general internal housekeeping.]

Android!X is functionally smart but because everything he's ever done has had to be coded, a lot of things slip between gaps in his logic. He's a very smart computer, but he's still a computer. Common sense things slip between the cracks because common sense on regular people is mostly pattern recognition and intuition. Xisuma's only intuition is something he's hand-written in a table in a file somewhere. If he's never had to write/code it, and it's unique enough to not show up in a basic dictionary/archive search, it's a blind spot for him. He can query and in a millisecond give you data facts about the deep dark and still forget that the clicking noise his thinking pattern makes would attract a Warden. This also means he sometimes has weird hang ups in social situations sometimes. Yeah sure, Etho and BDubs are having the same friendly debate from last week, but this time BDubs is 30% louder [possible difference in altercation severity?] and Etho is on hazardous ground [standing on scaffolding, increasing height, personal endangerment? Posturing? Intimidation technique?], which means this situation is actually totally different and he's never coded protocols for it. He's gotten pretty good at reading other people's reactions to gauge his own, but when he's alone, he sometimes has an error he's affectionately labeled a "social short circuit". Good thing they're all hermits and understand when he sometimes just... walks away from things.

Even X doesn't know where his emotions come from. He knows he can augment them [He has a database for complex feelings like "happy and also sad" and "lonely but content", as well as for tonally dissonant scenarios like "feel worried when Cleo says 'its fine'."] and he has on a handful of occasions been able to shut them down when he was too overwhelmed or in a tense situation. But he has no idea where the emotions originally came from, and his ability to control their intensity [and turning them off] is so non-existent it's nearly random.

Xisuma has been trying to code a way to feel pain for a long time. Most of the hermits think he's crazy when he talks about it, but he thinks it would cut back on a lot of his time spent on damage assessment. It's much easier to tell if something is broken if you can feel it break. Currently his only indication something is wrong is if a circuit is actively frying or something stops working -- or if his nanos sniff it out.

Xisuma doesn't eat, but he tells his friends he eats redstone. It cuts back on some of the unnecessary worry about his well-being. It also means when they think he's distressed, they leave him little gifts of redstone, and he finds that endearing.

Xisuma likes to dress up his cybernetics. It started out with trying new paint jobs and slowly escalated to building new body casings with fancy cosmetics. He's very proud of his bone mage cosplay. The little dragon helmet has glowy-eyes and smoke comes out of its nose and everything. Tango, Joe and Cleo like to help him design things, and he lets Doc and Grian go ham trying to stress test [ie ruthlessly destroy] the parts to make sure they're durable before he commits to a design.

And that's about all I've got for now I think!

[reds-skull]

Hi sending this as an ask so you can answer it whenever it’s convenient.

The Hunter (and his men) knew way to fucking much about Simon and it was fucking creepy (great job!). The only person I can think of who would have that info and motive to go after Ghost would be Roba. He’d have the knowledge and hatred of Ghost and it would take time to build back his forces after Ghost dismantled them the first time. Turning and placing moles, building up a loyal army with enough money to hire Ghost not to mention the (red)skull motif and his apparent age. I know I’m probably wrong but is fun to guess and I’m super excited to find out what’s going on regardless.

I really liked this fic and I’m sad it’s almost over Ghost and Soaps relationship through the whole fic was handled really well and I think felt organic. From their first meeting (Soap was feral and Ghost didn’t know what to think lol) to Soap repeatedly saving Ghost’s life (metaphorically and literally) to eventually finally trusting each other (and those around them) and realising their mutual feelings.

Gaz is the best friend ever and is not paid nearly enough to put up with Soaps (and now Ghosts) bullshit. The man was ready to throw down if needed but still listened to trusted and trusted Soaps judgment, meanwhile Price is having multiple nervous breakdowns (respect) and is still keeping is children men inline and on task. He feels so guilty about failing Simon and MacTavish when it wasn’t even his fault both times to begin with it was out of his hands. This time though he’ll save them.

It’ll be interesting to see what Laswell turns up with after she finishes hunting down their leak… I almost feel sorry for whoever it was.

I loved the parallels between the story and the snippets of poem, that was so well done and cool! Am I correct in reading that you wrote those poems yourself? Because I didn’t realise till I got to the end note and wow i don’t even have words… I thought they were off some old poetry anthology I’d never head about and was going to look it up to read it.

Hi! Thank you a lot of the kind words <3

I do like your theory about Roba being the Hunter, and I do agree it would be the only logical option for their real identity... if it weren't for the poems.

I'm so happy you found Soap and Ghost's relationship dynamic organic, it was a part I struggled with, and I'm not sure that I managed to execute exactly as I wanted haha

I feel so bad for Gaz and Price in this AU, unfortunately everyone kinda got the short end of the stick with how the turn of events meant the 141 was never fully formed...

I don't plan on showing exactly what happens to the rat Laswell eventually finds, but you can be assured they'll probably suffer. She can definitely be scary when she feels the need to.

And I'm so so glad you mentioned the poems! Yeah, I wrote them but I was heavily inspired by a specific collection of English poems from the 10th century (the correct word for it is a codex actually but it's basically a collection). I'll be going in depth about what exactly is going on there in the post script, because it's basically another story I told in parallel to the main one in the fic. And I'll certainly give the name of the codex so you can read it, it's a little complicated to understand because it had to be translated from Middle English (and apparently every word there can be interpreted in like 3 different ways, not to mention the amount of missing pages and possible mistakes from copyists, but that's part of the course with books from over 1000 years ago...). The stories told there, and the language they used to convey them, is really unique and beautiful in my opinion.

I was kinda sad when no one seemed to bring it up, I figured most people just skipped them or they were just sort of too confusing lol, which is why I'll basically explain what I wanted the reader to understand from them in the post script (which I plan on posting at the same time as the last chapter, unlike with Not Alive, Nor Dead). The post script will also have a timeline for the fic, and how exactly it diverges from canon, as well as the deleted scenes and an extra poem I couldn't fit in the fic.

For now, I'll say the true identity of the Hunter is tied to those poems, and their character wouldn't really make sense if you skip them...

[fan-a-tink]

Young Royals S3 thoughts

EP4 

Simon tearing up on the bus... I have no words to describe painful it is to watch this. 

That hug. Was so overdue. I’m so glad Wille is there. And him saying „I’m so glad to see you.“ - yes please tell Simon how much he is loved!

Sara and Felice looking at each other like the star-crossed lovers they are… 

Vincent, why do you have to be like that? This is literally the last thing Simon needs right now. Just, PLEASE, mind your own business!

„You’re so fucking pathetic“ - couldn’t have said it better. And finally, Wille defending Simon as well!

„It’s really a privilege… not a punishment.“ He’s becoming more and more like his mother…

Oh my god they write letters to their future selves? I do that every year - that is sooooo cool :) I really want to know what Simon and Wille wrote… and is it foreshadowing a time-jump? 

Oh August is down bad… He’s trying so so hard to reconnect with Sara, and it is kind of adorable… I just wish she’d let someone in (not necessarily August) and could talk to someone and get better… 

„The Queen is too unwell to attend the announcement.“ Oh oh oh oh oh…. I really really really hope she’ll get better. Why does everyone only ever get worse? 

When Linda suggested moving to Gothenburg, Jan-Olof was like ‚yes, please do!‘ 🙄 this old white man really thinks that would resolve things? 

I feel like if Farima had had this talk with Simon and Linda earlier, a lot of the plot of the first three episodes would not have happened. Simon could have avoided the brunt of the online hate perhaps.. Why did no one feel like it might be a good idea to prepare him for what was coming and give him some advice on how best to navigate being so suddenly in the public eye? Like, they seriously trusted Wille to communicate all of that, a sixteen-year old known for being quite impulsive? Simon needs real support from the system, and he was just left to struggle along without it for three episodes… Why did there need to be a stone thrown into his home for anyone to take any action and give any support?!?!?!

Micke apologising for hugging Sara without asking first… it’s small steps, but in the right direction :))

Simon deleting his online profile is like he is deleting himself. I feel so sad for him. And he is just so quiet and resigned. This is not right…

„Serious, traditional, smart and strong young man“ hahahahaaaaaa have you met Wille? 

„To love whoever you want is a human right.“ SIMON FOR PRESIDENT!! 

But I also get that Wille does not want to be a spokesperson. 

That discussion makes me really sad. Like, I do get where Wille is coming from. But Simon just quietly resigning himself to not arguing more because he wants to keep the peace, once again staying silent when he should have the space to express himself - that’s not right….

Love that Vincent has not enough authority to make people listen to him. 

„They’ve been mocking me all day. And now they want to demonstrate? And talking about solidarity….“ I agree, Simon, I agree. And they are protesting because they want to keep their privileges, while Simon was at a protest for worker’s rights. That’s two fundamentally different issues really shows all that’s problematic about Hillerska in a nutshell. 

No, Wille, don’t join them!

That scene between Simon and Sara really shows that I think a lot between them just needs to be talked about. Like I’m not saying it will resolve their issues, but at least if they were to talk about it together, they might make a little bit of progress? But I guess it’s only episode four and their reconciliation has to wait little longer for plot reasons 😤

It’s so painful how Simon has just become so quiet. Even when he’s singing, he’s kind of lost his voice… This is the worst!!!! Siiiimoooooon!! 

300 crowns for a lollipop??!?!

„That sounds like an eating disorder.“ !!!!!!!!!!! I sometimes feel like Simon is the only sane person in this school. 

No Vincent, YOU are becoming more boring every day. Your bullying is pathetic. Leave August alone. 

„Klumpig“ is my new favourite Swedish word :)) 

Even Simon’s smiles are quiet now… 

„I never want to hurt you, Simon.“ Look into those eyes. 

That scene with them by the window is beautiful… But I feel like their peace is so fragile. 

The students are just proving that the inspection was necessary. Like this is exactly the kind of behaviour that they wanted to put a stop to, calling them traitors for leaving, stealing someone’s trousers and chanting ‚Show your dick for Hillerska!‘ - just proves once more that you don’t need alcohol for a group dynamic to become toxic.

And NO girls, you don’t get to be mad at Felice for whatever she said or didn’t say during the inspection. And thank you, Maddie, for defending her!  

Ok, I’ve changed my mind, I want to have the shot of them waking up next to each other tattooed :) They are so soft… 💜

It must have smelled sooo bad in that room that morning… 😂

Felice and Sara finally talking. Hallelujah! 

Felice is a stronger person than I am because I would have forgiven Sara there and then. Scratch that, I have forgiven her long ago. I mean, if you just try to see it from her perspective… There must be some way for them to forgive and move on, right? Hello? Is anyone hearing this? 

Simon worrying what to gift Wille for his birthday… „Does he like to take baths?“ Hahahahahahaaaaa this is so accurate, like this is exactly how helpful my advice to my friends was when I was a teenager…. :)) 

„And just do whatever they say.“ Oh Simon… I completely understand that you just want to stay safe and protect yourself. Like you should. But please also listen to your friends and don’t let go of who you are… 

I really love the friendship these three have. I am so glad Simon has them…

Oh no, they’re talking about Erik. Here we go. This is going to be hard. 

Malte is acting the shit out of that scene!!! Incredible. But so is Edvin, like there is so much going on in his face without him even saying anything….

„And Erik was there. Erik was there.“

[x-i-l-verify]

20 Questions For Writers

Was tagged by @kuraiarcoiris and decided why not. :V

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

35. I have more on other sites, but since I've made my AO3 account, that's how many I've posted there.

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2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

656,547. Give or take a couple thousand.

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3. What fandoms do you write for?

Currently? Dream SMP. But I also have an Inscryption WIP and a couple Kpop WIPs that I really should get back to one of these days. orz But I've written for all sorts of fandoms over the years.

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4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

5) Its Suffering Was Real [Inscryption]

This is the one that came as the biggest shock to me when I went and looked at my kudos count in preparation for this write-up. Like, really? People like the fic where I torture the sassy robot trapped in the body of a stoat for 7k words that much??

4) A Shoulder to Lean On [Avatar: The Last Airbender]

WHERE did all these people come from, I have like 6 comments on this thing (not counting my replies)??? I mean, I'm flattered, but ??!!?!

3) Accepting Amelioration [Voltron: Legendary Defender]

I mean, it's a Voltron fic posted back when the fandom was in full swing, it doesn't really surprise me the kudos counter is considerable, though I am still surprised it got that much traction considering the fic is gen and not shippy. Am still proud I made the first daemon AU in the entire fandom, though, if this is my claim to fame, then I'm ok with that. :p

2) Temporary Shelter [Astro / VIXX]

I seriously have no freaking clue how this little self indulgent Kpop crossover fic became so popular, I really don't. I mean, Kpop crossovers are niche at the best of times, and these two groups aren't exactly the most popular Kpop fandoms on AO3 if you know what I mean. It basically started as "wouldn't it be fun if my two favorite Kpop groups were secretly friends all this time? How would I have that happen, tho?" and then snowballed from there. I, uh. I'm glad so many other people like it, ig? 0_0

1) Paved with Pawprints [My Hero Academia]

Of course it's the MHA pet AU fic. Of course. OF COURSE-

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5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Absolutely. It's only fair I reply if someone takes the time to read on my work and actually give me feedback about it, wouldn't you say? Plus, like most authors, I enjoy talking about my own work, so sue me. >:p

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6. What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I don't usually do angsty endings; I prefer happy or at least bittersweet ones. I guess by default, it has to be the fic where I slowly killed off America and China from Axis Powers Hetalia for 13k words, while the rest of the cast had already been dead for centuries at that point. So yes, the entire cast of that series was dead by the end of that fic. :))) IN MY DEFENSE, ok, I was actually trying to give them a bittersweet ending by reuniting them with all of their old friends and family by finally letting them rest after so long alone, but it still turned out really sad. TT TT It's basically my only fic where I can't go back and reread it more than once every couple of years, because I still end up a sobbing mess by the end.

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7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Well, I guess that's what you define "happiest" as. The most cathartic? The one with the least amount of trauma and extreme bodily injury incurred by the characters? 🤔 I guess by the latter definition, it would Kaleidoscopic Perceptions, a very fluffy USPH college AU that I actually enjoyed writing a lot despite me not usually enjoying romance or college AUs.

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8. Do you get hate on your fic?

No, thankfully. I've gotten a couple kinda weird comments, and of course the obligatory "It's been X months since you updated were you aware?????" comments, but no outright negativity.

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9. Do you write smut?

LMAO. Absolutely not.

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10. Do you write crossovers?

Yes! I really love crossovers. I have a few common fallbacks that fit with a lot of fandoms (daemon AUs, Firefly AUs, etc.), but I also enjoy fandom-specific crossovers when I can figure out how to pull them off.

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11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

No idea. I hope not!

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12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Just once for this Gravity Falls fic.

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13. Have you ever co-written a fic?

Yes. It had a few ups and downs, but it was overall a really positive experience, and I think it turned out really well!

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14. What‘s your all-time favorite ship?

idk that I have an ALL TIME favorite ship, especially since I hardly ever ship anything, but Frobin is pretty choice, I gotta say.

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15. What’s the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Er, none of them, hopefully? I hope that I eventually get to finish all my WIPs at some point, even if it might take me awhile. >.>; But I suppose if I had to pick ONE to abandon, I'd probably pick Written In, my D&D Inscryption crossover AU. I like the IDEA for it, but writing it out is like pulling teeth, and after the first installment where the party gets together, I don't really have a lot of ideas on where to take the plot. :/ Like I have the general overarching idea but no plot structure or anything but small disconnected story beats.

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16. What’s your writing strengths?

I like to think I do a pretty good job with descriptions while not bogging the story down too much with too much detail?

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17. What’s your writing weaknesses?

Uuuuuuuuuuhhhhhh, staying motivated ig. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ if you're asking my weakness about mechanics, though, uh... exposition, I guess? Dialogue in general, sometimes.

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18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

If there is actual information included in the other language, then you better provide a translation. If it's just for flavor, though, have at it.

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19. First fandom you wrote for?

TMNT, specifically the 2003 show. It's never been posted anywhere on the internet and never will. :)

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20. Favorite fic you’ve ever written?

Becoming Real, a Kpop fanfic based on VIXX's Voodoo Doll MV. However, it can easily stand on its own as its own original work. I consider it the most accessible story I've ever written, and it also was just very easy for me to write. Writing is often like pulling teeth for me, but not this story.

Tagging: @breezy-cheezy, @quicktothebatjalopy, @hiding-in-the-vault, @variablememory, @bleue-flora, @theriu

[lifeinthegladhouse]

I feel like I'm not supposed to be sad that my dad is dead, because he was 73 which is a pretty average lifespan, and he had a whole life full of mistakes and life and all sorts of shit. But it's like, also, that doesn't matter to me because I wanted him to live longer, even though, I always felt like he'd be exactly 73 or 74 when he died, cos a lot of men do die at that age.

I don't wanna overthink it b/c OCD

I had a dream he wrote messages for me on a whiteboard and said he knew he was autistic now and that he was glad he could know before he died - and the way he wrote it was like maybe we'd talk about it at 11am the next day or something, like he didn't have long, but then he went the next day, so I stood in his house looking at the whiteboard.

I just googled how to mail his ashes back, and the photo of the box of his cremains with his name on a label hit a little differently.

I could hear my dad saying, "I know, sweetie." sadly with his hand on my shoulder...

I started T 2 years ago today. I knew at that time, his health was getting worse again, and it was only a matter of time, all of which I could not control. But I didn't know in less than those 2 years, he'd be gone. He told me I looked strong when I saw him, before he became nonverbal, like the last real day that we could talk, which felt like his last "real" day in the world, he asked me jokingly if I was going to join the marines because I have a big ole traditional/Japanese crossover style tattoo (of ravens on my arm) (they kinda look like hawks or eagles or something tho lol) and I didn't understand that he was joking and being serious at the same time kind of.

That same night, when I was out of the room getting him water, my partner talked to him, and it was the first time I think that he truly accepted that we'd probably get married (I mean it's been SIX years together!) and I forget what he said but I think he had kind of verbally said something to her like... he knew.

He could be so mean, and such an asshole, but I still wish he wasn't dead. My life is better off without this horrible thing looming over me, the "what if I die" or the constant struggles of him not being able to pay the bills or running from debt or getting into insane situations with women but... it still feels lonely. When I'm in a bind I think about him. He was not very helpful if I needed advice, and not always comforting, and it's hard to comfort someone with OCD but... I find it comforting now.

I think about how the very moments he passed, I knew, if I tell him his parents and his son are waiting for him, he will go. And he did. My voice was the last thing he heard, which is what he wanted, and we were lucky we caught him in that moment, and I knew that...somehow... that was what I needed to say. And now that he's gone, I know, someday, I will be thinking of him and Gene, and everyone else I will lose, when I'm dying, too. I just wish I didn't have to understand all of this so soon, at this age, it feels like a crime, but then again, it happens to a lot of people and in a fucked up way, a healthy life where you have a big family and nobody dies too early is a big ole western myth.

My dad lost his dad sooner than I lost him, by a few years, and he didn't get to say goodbye I don't think. I don't know. I never quite asked in that way. But I think that's how it went, and dad didn't want that for me.