#lasting interests ever AND it was ongoing the whole time i was into it? yeah its upsetting that its over now. just a little bit

[smp-live]

actually im feeling a little bit ill over the fact that its actually done now

[rjmhereunderprotest]

Crossed Paths & Tangled Webs: Why I Ship SpiderCat

This is gonna be a controversial one through no fault of my own... but also it's all my own damn fault. A confusing contradicting statement to be sure, but when you're talking about Peter Parker and Felicia Hardy, that statement seems to ring the most true. Two people who are as perfect for each other as they are imperfect. In love through no fault of their own... and completely at fault for being so.

My poll for another ship to cover picked this... I'm more than happy to talk about it but we're dealing with volatile stuff right now. As I write this, Spider-Man and Black Cat actually ARE in a relationship with each other. Peter has recently stated that he no longer feels romantically for his long-time love-interest, Mary Jane, calling her more akin to a sister. MJ was apparently stuck in some post-apocalyptic Narnia situation where enough time passed for her to have kids with another guy. And if that wasn't enough... Mary Jane may be about to join Gwen Stacey in the fridge, if you get my meaning. As Zeb Wells is teasing the most shocking Spider-Man story since Gwen Stacey's death and the solicits for the story afterwards say Spider-Man is about to suffer a terrible loss. Felicia is on the covers of at least one of those issues. So unless it's a complete fake out and Wells is going to kill off a relationship he has stated he both prefers and spent a ton of time setting up at the expense of the preferred romance among fans... yeah it's not looking good for MJ. I mean he might kill off Aunt May again, but... well there's no guarantees in comics... ever.

This is a strange time period to be a long suffering SpiderCat shipper. I have held a torch for these two for such a long time it feels like almost second nature. I see Felicia, I want to see her with Peter. No one else, man or woman, will do. (Yes she's Bi, shut up, it's canon) Yet right now, a SpiderCat shipper is now writing the Spider-Man books and everyone seems to absolutely hate Zeb Wells' execution of it all. I've gotten what I wanted, at last, but fans are outright rejecting it. Not so much for Felicia and Peter being together mind you, as much as they're annoyed MJ is being thrown under the bus.

Which I get actually, I may have wanted this ship over Peter/MJ, but not at her expense. I don't want her DEAD or badly written. And given how Marvel has basically treated MJ and Peter over the years, it's hard to argue that these reactions are anything but justified. Even decades later, One More Day's shadow still looms large. Marvel has constantly teased and poked and prodded and snickered about the possibility of Mary Jane and Peter Parker becoming an item again. If not married, at the very least dating. But Marvel seems insistent on this point. "The Marriage was a mistake, we're never going back to it. And anything that is even remotely similar to that status quo is not allowed. Ever." The inability of Marvel's Spidey writers to craft a compelling happy marriage between Peter and MJ has been an albatross around the neck of the ship forever! Even when they did it in an ongoing, it had to be a different universe! One where the Civil War comics event wasn't a thing, so that was also a plus. And MJ had to get Spider Powers too in order to smooth over the whole thing for writers.

So, yeah, MJ's been blamed for making Spider-Books dull and kept at arms length from Peter as much as possible. Because if Spider-Man is EVER TOO HAPPY that can only spell DOOM for the character. His world must always revolve around misery. Linkara of AT4W has said it time and again, in the eyes of Marvel, Spider-Man can never be allowed to be happy.

And yet, despite all that, I still hold true to this maxim, Peter Parker and Felicia Hardy are made for each other. If I ever had an OTP, if I ever had a ship I'd die for, if there was ever any romance I was forever evergreen invested in... it was SpiderCat. Despite whatever the world says, that it can't work, that it's a bad idea, that they don't need each other, that it will never be the way Peter/MJ were once... I don't care. I reject all of that and state proudly, without shame, every time that Spider-Man and the Black Cat are and always shall be perfect for each other.

So Let's Talk about Why that is...

Usually I'm inclined to give brief synopsis points about both characters in separate sections. But Spider-Man is so well known and Black Cat so simply explained in their initial set ups it feels almost... pointless. When you can describe at least one half of the shipping dynamic with a theme song from a sixties cartoon it's hard to honestly come up with anything new or original.

So yeah, Peter Parker, nerdy wimp who gets bitten by a radioactive spider, doesn't get cancer from this, but super powers. Thinks about using these great powers to enrich his life, but after letting a criminal get away because it's "not his problem" he learns a harsh lesson about responsibility. His uncle dies at the hands of said criminal, it's all his fault, and Peter proclaims that as long as he has these powers he will use them to help people.

And as a result, Spider-Man is the hero that always gets up because he has to, he needs to. Because people, strangers and loved ones, depend on him. This comes at the cost of a great deal of things that would make him personally happy. Because if Spider-Man is about anything, it's about personal sacrifice and responsibility. It has been a running theme since his first comic and will continue until the heat death of the universe. If you know nothing else of Spider-Man, this is the most important fact about him going forward for the rest of this essay. Spider-Man is Responsibility and Self-Sacrifice Personified. Whenever he doesn't live up to either aspect of himself, bad things happen, to him, to the people he cares about and New York City at large.

On the other side of that coin, Felicia Hardy, aka the Black Cat. Infamous thief. While her origins are more fluid throughout her incarnations, her general story is pretty much the same. Felicia is a thrill seeking thief, who lives for the daredevil rush only a well-executed heist can accomplish. The Black Cat persona is that of a femme fatale thief of the highest order. There's no question that she shares more than a few similarities to Catwoman of Batman fame. Save for the fact she might possess a slight passive power that causes bad luck to her opponents.

Different character of course, but that's just to establish that it is a superpower. Felicia uses it mainly to steal whatever she wants and get away scot-free. She, in general, tries to avoid personal consequences for these actions. While her motives may vary from one story or universe to the next, ultimately her purpose in life is the same. To live for herself, for her needs and how she wants. The Black Cat persona is just that, a means to indulge in her wants and desires to the fullest extent. She is, inherently, self-serving and selfish whereas Spider-Man is selfless.

On the surface this presents a dynamic akin to oil and water. Spider-Man is an avatar of personal responsibility. The Black Cat is the personification of independent self-interest. They are such opposites, such contradictions, that they should just not work. They should be enemies... and that is how they started.

Amazing Spider-Man #194, Black Cat's first appearance where she and Spidey come to blows over her illicit activities. Felicia has contracted a crew for a job to spring her terminally ill father from prison. Spider-Man tries to stop her, only to end up buried under the rubble of the exploding prison wall. Black Cat flees the scene with a quip about crossing her path and Spidey with a bad arm post-fight. The next issue sees Spidey deduce Felicia's real identity and that Felicia only broke her father out so he could spend his dying hours with his wife and her mother. Spidey and Cat come to blows outside arguing over the merits of what she's done. However in the struggle Black Cat starts to fall off a roof into a surging river below. Spidey catches her with his bad arm, trying to stop her fall... but can't hold on as Felicia seemingly falls to her death. He tries to return to the Hardy residence, only to see Felicia's mother in grief over the death of her husband. Not wanting to add to it... Spidey leaves.

Of course, this isn't the end for Felicia, issue #204 sees the Black Cat return. She's actually been watching him it seems, taking photos of him swinging around town. They get reacquainted at the museum where Cat manages to slip away again after another fight with Spider-Man. Felicia is annoyed though that he keeps fighting her, not understanding why she's doing this. And by the next issue it's revealed, the art pieces Felicia stole were meant to symbolize what she thinks of Spidey. Namely, that she has developed a crush on him. No doubt because, despite trouncing him almost every time they've fought, she's clearly enjoyed all of it. And Spidey hasn't exactly helped in that regard as he has routinely flirted with her. He can't help it, she is hot. Felicia claims she wants to leave thieving behind, at the behest of her mother and she would like Spider-Man to help her reform. Seeing a similarity to a current situation with a girl he's instructing, and that Felicia might be suffering a bit of a mental break as a result of her father's death, he promises to get her help.

These introductory stories set the stage for Felicia and Peter's on again off again relationship for years to come. Felicia is self-servingly selfish, desiring things that aren't hers. Yet her motives are more complicated than pure greed, it is always based somewhat around her emotional state. Her need to give her father and mother some closure before she passes, her desire for Spider-Man to lead her out of a life of crime, as per her mother's wishes. She isn't evil, she has noble intent, she just goes about it in very self-centered ways. Spidey, in the meantime, is selfless to a fault. He'll keep chasing her down, he'll keep trying to set her straight, keep trying to stop her crime sprees. He is drawn to her by his selflessness and sense of responsibility to prevent her from just getting away with whatever she wants. But he does genuinely want to help her and he will not take advantage of her fragile emotional state, even if he himself is somewhat into her. Hell, the first thing he thinks about when he first sees her is that he hopes she isn't a criminal because he'd like to ask her out. He is clearly drawn to Felicia, even if it only starts out as pure infatuation, but he will not take advantage of her interest in him because he knows better than to try to exploit that for his own self-interest.

Of course it's a lie, well partially. Felicia faked being crazy to more easily escape a psychiatric hospital than a prison. But she is indeed in love with him. After her escape, she invites Spidey to a masquerade ball via a sky writer. Ultimately revealing that she lied to him about her mental breakdown in a selfish bid to escape consequences for her actions. But she wants to make up for it now, because this masquerade ball is being hosted by mafioso she stole from and says Spidey can now arrest them all! Crime is too easy she thinks, superheroing is her next thrill seeking adventure and she wants to do it with him. And despite being tricked and more than a little bribed into this, Spider-Man decides ultimately why not give it a try? If she really does want to go straight for him... isn't the responsible thing to do with her to help her out even if her motives are a tiny bit selfish?

This is how their romance starts and sets up the ultimate tug of war dynamic. Spider-Man does want Black Cat, but is wary of her desire to push him into a more selfish mindset. Black Cat actually desires Spider-Man, but can't get over her compulsive selfishness. In this story alone she has to sort of trick Spider-Man into coming to a date that's actually a mafioso party that he can break up. It's a highly manipulative plan that appeals to her selfish infatuation and Spider-Man's selfless heroism. It is a constant push and pull between them at multiple points. By all accounts, they should not work and a good deal of comics past this point go on and on about why they can't work.

I could cover the lengthy relationship between both characters throughout the 80s, Spidey was actually dating Felicia for a long time during the Black Suit days, even after he gave up the Symbiote. And for the most part this dynamic does not entirely change. Peter wants to help Black Cat be a better person before he can truly commit to her. Felicia wants to be a better person and make things work with Spider-Man, but she has a hard time wrapping her head around selfless action over selfish indulgence. It's the roadblock between them truly working as a couple. And there are a ton of moments during this time period I could talk about, but frankly, they are ALL before my time.

None of them really prove my point either, all I've done is just explain why their dynamic as a couple is riveting. It's not exactly like Batman and Catwoman's, but its of a similar vein. The key difference is Spider-Man, being who he is, isn't as opposed to the idea at first as Bruce is with Selina. Catwoman plays a lot harder to get for a lot longer than Black Cat, she also doesn't become Batman's superhero partner. Felicia and Peter by contrast are much younger though, so their reasoning is frankly more in line with their age demographic. They're just quicker to jump in than most people. The only thing holding them back is Black Cat and Spidey's diametrically opposed ideologies, even though we'll see those two viewpoints somewhat crisscross soon enough.

If you want to know however where I actually came in on this, we need to hop over to another universe. The one firmly positioned in the decade that defines the pop cultural wasteland... the 90s.

In an effort to compete with DC's Batman cartoon, Marvel fast tracked a Spider-Man show into production. While not on the same technical/narrative level as the landmark Batman: The Animated Series, Spider-Man: The Animated Series still did a tremendous job at capturing the essence of the character and is still a good series in its own. Even on a recent rewatch, I was surprised to see how well-thought out and true to form the series was. Yes, it's overuse of repeated animation and various other shortcuts was annoying, it certainly wasn't perfect, even by 90s standards, but it deserves recognition where it counts. Part of that was, in my opinion, the dynamic between Felicia and Peter Parker/Black Cat and Spider-Man. It certainly wasn't a slamdunk, I'm going to talk about where the writers fumbled it, but when it worked it worked and I think those parts where it worked so well were what cemented the idea in my head that this relationship, fraught as it was, COULD become something everlasting.

There's no hiding that Felicia's story is completely different from the comics. She actually knows Peter to begin with before she even becomes the Black Cat. They actually date for a while and despite the fact Peter is poorer than dirt, she is clearly interested in him and remains so for a good portion of season one. Peter's first kiss in the series is Felicia in fact. Even when MJ is in the picture, Peter is still torn between her and Felicia.

You might think we're dealing with a Betty and Veronica situation, but it never really materializes as such. Felicia and MJ never really meet this early and Felicia herself isn't really the rich girl stereotype. She's not particularly girlish or whinny. She doesn't really look down on anyone for their status. In fact she more often than not tries to rebel against the stereotype. She does a lot of charity work, she shows concern for the good of New York's citizens and she gives credit to those who deserve it, not just because they flatter her. She also gives Peter a lot of chances despite seemingly screwing up with her. She is reluctant at first to go out with him, but is not embarassed to be seen with him. The issue that arises is, from her perspective, Peter is never around when she gets in major trouble... but Spider-Man is. This become important later, but the thing to note is she is still close friends with Peter for a good amount of time and shows an interest in hm.

The only reason Felicia doesn't get with Peter is, again, Peter's terrible luck as a result of his responsibilities as Spider-Man. He accidentally stands Felicia up one too many times and she... ugh... ends up falling for Michael Morbius. Yes... that Morbius. No, we're not doing the meme. I only bring it up here because its one of the flaws in the show, Morbius as Felicia's love interest feels so incredibly out of place. It exists purely to prevent Felicia and Peter from getting together because nothing about it works. Morbius is hardly charming, he's somewhat of a creep, he's rude, abrasive and his petty rivalry with Peter just makes him unlikable. Its this petty bullshit rivalry, in fact, that causes Morbius' transformation into a Vampire monster in this continuity. Peter tries to claim responsibility for it because it was caused with his radioactive blood, but Morbius was an asshole and did it to himself. He's at fault and he sucks... pun not intended, not entirely. But because he's doing all this to stop a plague in his home country, and he saves Felicia this one time when Peter doesn't show, we're supposed to buy that she's smitten with him. And I do not buy it. In fact, I'd argue the show's writers didn't even buy it and were somewhat forced to do this so they wouldn't step on the iconic romance with Peter and MJ.

Morbius' subsequent flight into exile, as he basically becomes a mutant bat monster, starts an ongoing subplot with Felicia, the fact she has seemingly terrible luck with men. Early on, after Morbius has left her life, Felicia begins to develop a crush on Spider-Man, as at this point he's been there for her more than most other men in her life, saving her or her mother. Spider-Man, as a result, has become a very huge constant staple in her life, more so than any other man as far she can see. Peter, despite his messy love life, does care for Felicia, and is very quick to jump in to help her whenever she is in trouble. Partially because of his connection to her, partly because he still blames himself for Morbius' transformation. So Peter is spending a lot of time as Spider-Man with Felicia at this point, more so than MJ even who is dating Harry Osborn for a while. As far as Felicia is concerned, Spider-Man has become something akin to a knight in shining armor who is always there for her. She can't help but fall for him.

She reveals this by suddenly kissing him on the balcony, pulling up the mask half-way and everything. Peter, however, says he can't reciprocate, as much as he probably still has feelings for Felicia. He says he can't have a girlfriend though because it would put her in danger. It's bunk of course, he's still trying to be with MJ even though she's currently with Harry, but I imagine it plants an idea in Felicia's head. Regardless, for now she's crestfallen and this leads her into the arms of another man, Jason Phillips Macendale, a rich well to do playboy-type. Even still, she retains her feelings Spider-Man throughout their relationship. There is a scene at a carnival where Jason wins a stuffed Spider for her, which she remarks she finds spiders cute while he acts rather annoyed and jealous over it. Despite the fact she very clearly still wants Spidey to be with her, Felicia does agree to marry Jason when he proposes.

At the engagement party, which Peter attends with MJ as she has dumped Harry at this point, he changes into Spider-Man to spy on the Kingpin and Osborn over some business with the Hobgoblin. Annoyed he has to leave MJ to deal with this problem, he's interrupted by Felicia.

She asks if he's here to wish her good luck and Peter fumbles his words in saying as much. Which leads to this exchange:

Spidey: Do you really love this Jason Phillips guy?

Felicia: And why should you care about that? Unless you got a better offer?

Spidey: (Thoughts) This is crazy, I can't have one girlfriend as Peter Parker and another as Spider-Man! (Speaking) No, I don't... I just want you to be happy.

As Spidey swings away, Felicia mournfully says "So do I." It's a very clear statement, she's settling. Jason is rich and powerful and the person she's expected to marry due to who she is, but she's not really sure about it, or happy. Because the man she wants is currently swinging away. It's obvious that, in Felicia's eyes, she's missing something in her life that makes her happy and Spider-Man seems to be that something. Likewise, Peter, the paragon of self-responsibility, knows he can't abuse his secret identity to cheat on MJ, even though he seems very tempted to admit that he still has feelings for Felicia. But in the end, all he cares about is her happiness and if she can find it in this Jason dude, who is he to ruin that?

Well, he doesn't have to ruin it. Because we find out, shock of all shocks, Jason is the Hobgoblin and the revelation shakes Felicia to her core. The fact that this person she was dating, this man who she decided on because she couldn't have Spider-Man was a fraud, a criminal, a liar... it's a terrible thing to realize how poor your judgment is. Almost reaffirming that this was the wrong choice from the start.

Spidey of course once again comes swinging to her rescue and defeats the Hobgoblin. But Felicia has questions for her former fiancé. Jason relents that he used crime to create everything he is and get everything he has, including her. She's just another possession to him. What she deep down probably feared going into this, why her heart wasn't in this, why she wanted Spider-Man to give her a way out and save her again.

Felicia: I have to know, did you ever really love me?

Jason: I don't know. I love things about you. Your wealth, your beauty, your refinement.

Felicia: That's not love! I've experienced true love... and it's nothing like that.

And we don't get a flashback to Morbius, as this show constantly does because it's very not subtle, we don't see her talk about bat boy at all. She looks directly at Spider-Man as she says this and the camera zooms in on him as she speaks those words. This overtly informs the audience what love means in Felicia's mind. Love in Felicia's mind is being there for someone, who Spider-Man has been for a long time now. And more importantly, it's about wanting that person to be happy, which was all Spider-Man said he ever wanted. Spidey never asked anything of Felicia, he was just there for her and perhaps, in Felicia's mind, the reason he can't return it is because she can't be there in the same way. She is after all a damsel who he needs to keep saving and Spider-Man made it an issue that they can't be together because she'd be in danger.

In fact, this incident has given Felicia a complex that alludes to her future. "Every time I give my heart to someone, disaster strikes!" She sobs to Spider-Man. "I'm like a Black Cat spreading bad luck to everyone who crosses my path! Including my own."

By the next season things have taken a turn for the tragic, Mary Jane has vanished into realms unknown after mirroring Gwen Stacey's fall from a bridge into an interdimensional portal. As far as Peter knows though she's just gone, maybe forever. They can't say dead on this show, you know how it is.

This would probably leave the door back open for Felicia, but Peter is in no mental condition for another relationship right now and Felicia is smitten with Spider-Man, not Peter. Although he does wonder if she could help him with his grief as he swings over to her apartment. Not to say she doesn't care for Peter, but her heart belongs to his masked vigilante persona. In fact, so much so that she proclaims that Spider-Man is the only good thing in her life during that same visit. (Granted this is after an attack by Doctor Octopus, but the point stands) It's obvious that Felicia is now clinging to Spider-Man as one of the few constants in her life at this point, what with repeatedly being placed in danger by monsters and maniacs. The lack of control and helplessness is eating at her terribly.

However, this does lead into what we've all been waiting for, Felicia's transformation into the Black Cat and the start of the multi-episode season storyline, "Partners in Danger."

Felicia's father isn't just a cat burglar anymore. It turns out he got a peek at the formula for the Super Soldier serum back in WW2. He was almost tricked into giving it to the Nazis but managed to evade them. He was a kid at the time and was on the run for several decades. He's been in SHIELD custody for the past few years, until now when the Chameleon breaks him out only to hand him over to the Kingpin. Soon after, Doctor Octopus kidnaps Felicia and brings him to Fisk to reunite her with her father. And basically blackmail her into performing crimes for Fisk to test out the Super Soldier formula.

Yes, the Black Cat in the 90s Animated Series is basically a super soldier thief. It is suggested its not a complete process, but it grants Felicia more capability than she used to have. As the Black Cat she's now stronger, faster, more agile, versatile and has heightened senses. She's basically a mini-Captain America sans shield and a less patriotic aesthetic. Also, the Serum allows her to completely alter herself, her hair turns white and grows longer, while she also becomes more ripped and taller. This is so people won't really recognize her, an important detail for later.

While it's obvious Felicia hates being forced to go along with this to protect her father, she doesn't hate the new powers she's been granted and seeks to use them to eventually turn the tables on Fisk and save her dad. However, for the time being she gets in more than a few scrapes with Spider-Man, one of which leaves him knocked out in front of her. She considers pulling off his mask, but decides against it, preferring him to do it for her himself. She does plant a kiss though, the first of many as the Black Cat. The sequence is clear, Felicia is no longer the damsel but Spider-Man's equal and she hopes that this means things can change.

True, Felicia still gets into trouble and Spider-Man has to save her before the episode is out, but they actually do come together as partners by the end and effectively work together to defeat Fisk and save her father. Sadly, he has to return to SHIELD custody, of his own free will, to prevent the secrets he knows from ever getting out. I'd kinda like to to think they would give him a more witness protection situation than imprisonment for the guy, even if he did become a thief. It's SHIELD though, it's kinda expected they don't always do the sensible thing.

However this sets up the dynamic for the next few episodes as Black Cat and Spider-Man work together more and more. Spider-Man is reluctant at first, still mourning Mary Jane, but Black Cat manages to shake him out of that stupor. Reminding him not to close himself off in his grief. And Spidey himself remarks, as he and Black Cat work together, that he's actually having fun for once as Spider-Man. This is something to keep in mind, Black Cat actually challenges Spider-Man more often than not throughout their time together. Pushing him to remember why he does this job, stopping his pity parties cold, reminding him to not see his power as a burden that he so often does and as a gift he uses to help people. Even if she's not the same self-serving Felicia from the comics, as the Black Cat she embraces the liberated self her persona grants her. She's finally being able to do the things that her position as a rich socialite kept from her. Her stance is that Spider-Man can afford to think about what he wants and what makes him happy as much as his own responsibilities.

Frankly, it gets through to Peter. As time goes on, Spider-Man becomes more receptive to the idea that he should move on from MJ and be with Black Cat, a fellow crime fighter, on his level who can look after herself as much as him. This has been the problem Spider-Man has faced for a while, being able to protect the people he cares about despite his powers seemingly always getting in the way. In the same vein, Felicia's newfound abilities enable her to be Spidey's equal. Allowing her the opportunity to see him as a person and not just the superhero who saves her. This gives her the ability to challenge, as well as compliment him, as pointed out.

Their dynamic frankly rings more true and honest as a relationship. Even MJ never pushed Peter in the same way Black Cat pushes Spidey to be better. That's not to say MJ was a bad girlfriend, but on the show... she frankly resembled the comics version of Gwen Stacey personality wise. Black Cat may have been in love with Spider-Man, but that never stopped her from telling him off when he got something wrong. She had her own opinions and views on how this relationship worked and despite clashing with Spidey, they always seemed to be getting closer and more intimate every time she crossed his path.

That is until the goddamn Vampire comes back and ruins it all, because Felicia still has feelings for Morbius, I guess. In fact, he comes back so soon and suddenly, just as Peter is thinking of committing to Black Cat as Spider-Man, that it again feels like a mandate from on high. They're getting too close to each other, we can't have that, break them up by making Morbius a thing again. And quite frankly it feels forced because the only thing that seemingly prevents Spidey and Cat from sealing the deal is that neither of them have guessed at who the other is.

This is despite the fact that the Black Cat is obviously Felicia, given her very close relationship with Felicia's father that she doesn't even try to hide at all during her introductory episode. But Spidey has been consistently dense when it comes to secret identities, he couldn't even figure out Matt Murdock and Daredevil were the same person under similar circumstances. Using excuses THAT HE HIMSELF USES to cover his ass as Spider-Man. For being so smart, Peter is incredibly slow on the uptake when it comes to guessing Black Cat's identity despite how damn obvious it is. Not that Felicia is honestly much better, as both before and after this there are a number of clues to Spidey's true identity. Like... she kissed Peter AS Peter, she should know that mouth!

But the fact is, and this is where the forced editorial mandate thing comes in, that if they ever found out who the other was... that would be the end for any possible Peter and MJ relationship at this point. Felicia would finally realize why Peter seemed to never be around when she was in trouble, it's because he was Spider-Man. And given that Felicia's reasoning for being in love with Spider-Man is, again, the fact she feels he's always been there for her, she'd realize her most long standing intimate REAL relationship was with Peter all along! Peter in turn would realize that Felicia, the girl he first had a crush on, the one he was most conflicted about getting with before MJ vanished, a person he still has strong feelings for, is also the person who taught him to love again after MJ vanished. A friend he cares about who is now on his level and has also been there for him! There would be no way they couldn't get together at that point, or at the very least it would be very hard for Peter to decide between her and MJ from then on.

But no, the adventure with the returned Morbius leads to Felicia deciding to go with the creep Mutant Vampire and Blade to hunt other vampires and leave Spider-Man behind, just as he was about to be with her. Of course, Peter doesn't put two and two together that Cat is leaving with Morbius because as established he's an idiot when it comes to this stuff. If he was smarter, he'd have figured it out right now and probably revealed himself to her, and that would create a conflict and probably make her question this frankly boneheaded and nonsensical decision. So no, Felicia and Peter never find out each other's secret identities and she goes off with Morbius leaving Peter alone for no really good reason other than this felt like the fastest way to break them up so MJ could slide back in.

And MJ does slide back in, not long after this episode in fact and Spider-Man quickly fast tracks to proposing to her, revealing his secret identity, the works. However, Felicia isn't out of his life as MJ still keeps getting into trouble, constantly. At the wedding, Black Cat returns to make sure Peter's big day doesn't get ruined, because she does care about Peter even if she isn't with him. She does this again when MJ is seemingly kidnapped, first comforting Peter as Felicia reassuring him during a moment of hopelessness and then becoming Black Cat again to track down MJ for Peter.

And she admits aloud that she's doing this because she doesn't think she made the right call to follow Morbius and Blade, she still has feelings for Spidey, even though he's loyal and committed to MJ. Again, Felicia does not put two and two together given how gung-ho Spidey is for finding MJ. This also marks the only time MJ and the Black Cat meet, it's very quick, Peter has to answer a few obvious questions. After all that, Felicia decides to head back to Transylvania and once again Peter doesn't put two and two together that Felicia and Black Cat are back in town right at the same time. Because he's stupid like that.

What's important to note is that Felicia will drop everything for Peter, which suggests to me, on some subconscious level, she knows who Spider-Man is. And the fact she's still playing mental support coach to Peter, even outside of their secret identities, speaks volumes for their bond and connection. Even outside of the Black Cat persona and without directly knowing it, Felicia is there for Spider-Man when he needs her, just as much as he was for her.

But of course, all of this is for naught concerning Mary Jane's fate. Because... this is not Mary Jane. This hasn't been Mary Jane since she returned at the end of last season and conclusion of "Partners in Danger." Because we've been doing a random ass Clone Saga deal this whole time! This MJ, the one Peter married, shared his secrets with, probably most likely banged... wasn't his MJ. She was a clone created by Miles Warren who can use frickin water powers like Hydro Man because Hydro Man is an asshole ex who is obsessed with MJ and wanted his own version of her. But she wandered off, blah blah blah, point is her clone stability is breaking down and she's gonna evaporate. Cue one of the most gut wrenching screams in animation history.

So yeah, Peter never got the real Mary Jane back, only to be set up for heartache all over again. One could argue he probably loved this Mary Jane more. Sure he thought she was the original, but everything he experienced with her were steps he was unwilling to take with the real one. Similar to how Felicia has been feeling conflicted, one has to imagine Peter is even more so at this point on several other levels. Not that he has much time to mourn though. Madame Web has returned after a long absence from the series and she has war for him to fight, a Secret War.

In a very loose adaptation of the original Marvel Comics Event, Spider-Man is tasked by the Beyonder to lead a team of superheroes to liberate a planet that has fallen to villains he's plucked from Earth. This becomes a bit of a crossover between pretty much every Fox Entertainment Marvel Cartoon running at the time. From X-Men to Iron Man to the Fantastic Four, not Hulk though, Hulk rights are always a problem. But even after he's picked all the heroes he can afford to recruit, like any Gamer he can't resist modding shit to give him more stuff. And of all the heroes and allies he could pick to increase his ranks... he chooses the Black Cat.

It's a fairly odd choice honestly. Spidey has worked with a lot of heroes, maybe not as extensively as the Black Cat, but he's fought beside Doctor Strange, he knows other X-Men who are on Storm's level or at least just as capable. But he picks Black Cat. He picks her despite knowing that Madame Web knows the Real Mary Jane's location and promises it as a reward if he helps her. He picks Black Cat, despite knowing she is currently with Morbius and Blade. Makes one wonder... why?

Felicia isn't happy with this herself, because she just got pulled away in the middle of a vampire slaying fight. Don't worry, they're fine. It's Blade he'll manage without her.

...

What? Oh Morbius, yeah I guess he'll survive too just by being in close proximity to Blade. Have I mentioned I hate Morbius?

Anyway, the point is Black Cat is none too happy get pulled into Spidey's adventures against her will, like he can just do that on a whim. She's kinda right to be angry at him and she is for a good portion of the episode. When Spidey explains he picked her because he needs her support and they work good as a team, Felicia rightly says that he can't just rip her away from things because he needs to hold her hand. She'll be more than willing to do so on her own, he doesn't need to ask, he just shouldn't force her. It's a surprising role reversal, with Spider-Man being a bit more selfish than usual and Black Cat outwardly demanding to know when Spider-Man is gonna grow up. A question many comics fans wonder themselves to this day.

Spider-Man's ultimate ulterior motives are a bit more obvious though when he gets pretty jealous over Captain America and Black Cat bonding over her having the super soldier serum. And it doesn't help that Cap keeps kinda outshining him constantly when he saves Felicia a few times. But to be fair, Steve Rogers does that with everyone.

After the mission that topples the Red Skull ends, Spidey does apologize for taking Felicia against her will into this war. But she's no longer angry. Taking part in a mission bigger than even vampire slaying is important, a big deal, and if there is one thing Felicia has wanted its to not be left out of a fight for something bigger than herself. Plus, she get's to do it beside the greatest hero of all time. Spidey thinks she means Cap, but she corrects him, she's talking about the Web Head. Despite not being as perfect as Captain America, Spider-Man did prove himself out there as a leader to her and she admits she wouldn't want to miss this action with him for anything. Despite not wanting to be here initially, Felicia ultimately can't get over the fact Spider-Man wanted HER here with him. And given their last meeting had him coldly rejecting her advances, it says to Felicia that Spidey still feels for her and she clearly does too. Black Cat then kisses Spider-Man... and it's the last kiss he'll ever receive in the series. That's right, Peter's first and last kisses on this show come from Felicia. How do you not expect anyone to read into that?

No matter what lame line Morbius tries to give at the end of the episode, Felicia's heart doesn't really belong to him. It is very evident, crystal clear, painfully obvious, to anyone paying attention, that Felicia and Peter, on this series at the very least, were specially connected. Maybe not at first, but Felicia became someone who could match Spider-Man, physically and mentally, in many ways. And it's undeniable that, regardless of anything else, Peter held feelings for both Felicia and her Super Thief persona. Their banter was perfect, their partnership was top notch, the chemistry was amazing. The only thing keeping them apart was a story writing mandate from on high that they could not be endgame. Even though the writers took every chance they could nab to put them together. To shove Felicia back into Peter's life, even after she went off Slaying it up with Morbius. When I rewatched the series, it became painfully obvious who the writers seemed to prefer Peter with. None of this is to knock MJ as a character, on this show or in the comics, but it's hard for me to buy that there wasn't some kind of bias towards Felicia given everything that happens in this show.

Or maybe they just wanted an excuse to keep bringing Jennifer Hale back, I don't know! But I still choose to think that someone on that writing staff wanted a different endgame. It's been known to happen, creative teams aren't immune to shipping. Avatar the Last Airbender apparently had an ongoing tug of war between the executive producers and some of the writers over whether Katara would pick Zuko or Aang. It honestly feels like something similar happened here and as a result it comes across as the best evidence in my mind that this relationship could work. And the insane reality that less than a decade after Spider-Man TAS concluded, a show that did everything to ensure Spider-Man never got with the Black Cat because Peter/MJ were too iconic to not happen... One More Day drops and Peter has barely been with MJ for more than a single run out of several writers since. Said single writer being Nick Spencer, the Hydra Cap guy! Possibly in an effort to redeem himself from being the Hydra Cap Guy.

But I digress, as one can plainly see concerning this short retrospective of the series above, the 90s Cartoon has been over for a long time. Next year, it will be thirty years old. I can point out how it could've worked in that show, but that does nothing to prove Felicia and Peter ever have a chance now. All it shows is that I have a nostalgic attachment to this pairing because of an animated series. One with a highly different set of canonical circumstances between Spidey and the Black Cat that were crafted uniquely for this show alone. Circumstances that are worlds apart from the comics.

And that's because, as loathe as I am to admit it, Peter and Felicia's relationship has always had roadblocks in every piece of media involving them before and since. And I would be remiss if I didn't address any of those before I can start proving its viability now. If I don't I'll just have to do it later anyway. We'll look at how SpiderCat appears in other works as we go through this, but we need to head back to comic book land if we're really going to lay down what's actually keeping these two apart, and it's not the very weak contrivances preventing them from figuring out the obvious like in the 90s cartoon. No, it goes deeper than that. As you can see here.

90s Felicia wanted Spidey to unmask for her, but Comics!Felicia has had a hang up about that for a long while. This is the crux, the problem, with their relationship. The thing that always comes up when SpiderCat shippers argue for it. Comics!Black Cat loves Spider-Man... not Peter Parker. And mixing the two is too much for her to bare. This is what put strain on their relationship, Felicia didn't want her fantasy ruined by knowing the man behind the mask. Peter being an ordinary guy shatters her illusions about his prowess and ability. The phrase "Anyone can wear the mask" comes to mind and as long as Peter wears it for the Black Cat that is true. Take it off and Peter's normality leaks into things.

As a result, the main problem is Felicia can't love a man like Peter, who has a normal life outside of his superheroing. Felicia doesn't want normal, she likes what she is, who she is, doesn't want to go back to it. She wants to be the Black Cat because as the Cat she can do and get whatever she wants. Peter is, again, weighed down by responsibilities. While Felicia, once again, desires her independence from everything, including responsibility. Felicia would rather Spider-Man give up being Peter and just be the hero who swept her off her feet full time. To forever chase her across the rooftops and do what they want whenever they want. She's fine if that means fighting bad guys... so long as they're not tied down to normality. But Peter can't do that, he can never do that, not as long as he has ties to his life as Peter. And that's probably why Wells is considering severing a pretty big tie to that in order to make sure SpiderCat can't be reversed so easily. Can't really blame him for that though, given how comics are in constant flux. (Remember This)

This sort of issue is constantly reinforced. In the Spider-Man 2 video game, based off the Sam Raimi sequel, The "Spidey's loss of his powers" sub-plot is replaced by Black Cat trying to seduce him away into forever crime-fighting as his relationship with Mary Jane becomes strained due to her upcoming marriage to Jonah Jameson's son. Their dynamic matches the comics pretty well... and that means Spidey eventually breaks it off with her, saying he can't abandon his real life to forever play superhero with her. He needs a balance and that means he can't see her anymore. She leaves amicably, but it's sad to see happen.

In the Spider-Man: Web of Shadows game, Black Cat is revealed to still have feelings for Spider-Man and wants to be back together with him. This is pretty bad timing given the symbiote invasion going on. As the game is using the then popular trend of multiple choice endings there is one where you can have Black Cat be with Spider-Man at the end. It requires you basically healing her after a fight with your black suit, turning her into a Venomized version of herself. You can still pick the good ending after this where you defeat the Symbiotes, but all you know for sure is that MJ and him are on quits. You only see Felicia again if you pick the bad ending where Spider-Man breaks bad fully and decides to lead a symbiote army with Felicia by his side. Further emphasizing the idea that Peter can't pick being with Felicia without abandoning everything that makes him who he is.

There's also Spectacular Spider-Man, the other beloved Spider-Man animated series. Shorter-lived, but just as impactful. Where Spidey and Black Cat seem to hit it off during the start of Peter's whole symbiote storyline. Their banter is great, the chemistry fits, Felicia and Pete seem destined to be star-crossed opposite sides of the law lovers. However, when they meet up again Felicia is breaking her father out as she usually does... but the twist this time is Felicia's father is the one who shot Uncle Ben.

Naturally this completely wrecks any goodwill concerning Black Cat and Spidey's second meeting. As from here on out he's adamant Felicia's dad is not getting out. While it turns out Dad doesn't want to leave either and he decides to sacrifice his chance at freedom to stop a mass jailbreak of supervillains, that changes little. Spider-Man does not forgive Felicia's father and Felicia blames Spider-Man for infecting her dad with sentimentality. Even knowing he took an innocent life, all Felicia sees is her dad rotting away in jail. She declares she'll never forgive Spider-Man for this and rushes off in anger. The series ended shortly thereafter and this was never resolved. Greg Weisman, the show's creator, says if it had continued the relationship would've been "fraught." And once again this is the typical line concerning the fact Felicia's selfish desires run up against Spider-Man's heroic responsibility. And letting a criminal get away, especially one that killed his Uncle, is just something he can't do.

And I could go on, there are a ton of examples of this very problematic element of the relationship. It's the thing Marvel has consistently used to explain why Peter and Felicia aren't the right fit. Any romance would require either character to make sacrifices they are incapable of. Namely Felicia's independence and Peter's Responsibilities. Marvel itself decided to set this in stone to a degree with the usual question they ask... "What If?"

"What if... Spider-Man Married the Black Cat?" is the second part of a longer What If storyline answering what would happen if Peter and MJ did not get married. (HA! After OMD, one cannot help but laugh!) And as much as that cover paints wedded bliss... it's anything but. Felicia and Peter come to blows repeatedly, unable to reconcile their differences. Their goals are far too distant from each other overall and they just can't find common ground. By the end of the issue, Felicia lies dead, Spider-Man heart broken and the grim reality that this romance could never work is cemented in stone it seems. "What Ifs" aren't definitive statements about the only possible outcomes for the Marvel universe. But they are definitive statements from Marvel itself, a decree from on high that the current continuity, for all its faults, could be so much worse and we should be happy for what we have. And while the issue is loaded with nice panels that any SpiderCat fan would adore, the end result is still plain as day. Felicia and Peter are too oil and water to ever mix. And the end result would be the destruction of one or both.

How do you overcome the dreadful reality that your ship is declared doomed forever by the very company that in some sense set it in motion? Not just because Spider-Man can never be happy, but because the Black Cat is just too toxic a girlfriend to ever truly make him happy. Everyone argued that MJ and Peter's marriage was boring but they didn't want him to get with the next best option either because they think it's non-compatible, that they're just too different and of opposing thoughts to ever reach common ground.

And Marvel has tried to permanently set that in stone in canon once. To forever place SpiderCat as beyond possible, to sever their connection as decades long allies... and all because of an octopus in the brain.

The image above is not that of Peter Parker fighting the Black Cat. This is Doctor Otto Octavius, piloting Peter's body after jacking his mind. This is the Superior Spider-Man, and he does not care about Peter's past infatuations. He's here to prove he's the better Spider-Man and that means apprehending all criminals. In an otherwise re-affirming storyline that proves Peter Parker is the true Superior Spider-Man, Otto failing to live up to his lofty ambitious boasts, this scene... this one bloody scene, leads to the absolute low point period for all SpiderCat Fans. I call it the "Bitch Be Crazy" Era, an offensive title for a frankly offensively disgusting sub-plot in the Spider Run post-Superior.

Peter Parker informs all his Superhero buddies that Doc Ock had taken over his body for a long time, explaining his shitty behavior for the past year or so. Most everyone's response is "Oh, yeah, that's obvious in hindsight." Not Felicia.

The tables have turned, now Felicia has broke bad, but for real. And there is no way to describe what she becomes but extremely out of character. She doesn't accept Spider-Man's explanation, she doesn't even care. She is now obsessed with becoming the next Kingpin of Crime, a murderous, merciless mob boss who pulls the strings of supervillains, all in a bid to destroy Spider-Man and all he holds dear and it's absolutely, completely, stupidly, idiotically terrible. No matter how selfish Felicia can be, this is NOT her. Felicia has never shown any desire to be a crime boss, to be feared. Her desires have always been thrill seeking, shiny things and not being told what she can and can't do. She might be violent, but she is not a cold-blooded killer. She might be cynical, but she is not this petty. Every element of this terrible subplot makes no sense unless she's absolutely lost her mind or been replaced by a Skrull.

The only fun thing in this whole mess, was that Gwenpool's first in-universe story took place during this sub-plot and she crossed paths with her. And then did this.

I guess that justifies putting a Gwenpool tag below somewhere. Win for me!

Suffice to say, no one liked this change. Everyone hated it, even more than Superior Spider-Man. People came around on that, no one liked Felicia the Big Black Cat of Crime. Dan Slott could never justify it because it made no sense that Felicia would care this much about street cred because Spider-Man beat her up. As if there isn't a single crook in New York at this point who can claim Spider-Man hasn't knocked out one of their teeth. Others tried to explain it, to give it a more sensible face. There was an explanation in the Silk comic, but it didn't really stick as something that would drive her to this extreme. Regardless, it was a dark time for SpiderCat Shipping Fandom. And it took way longer than it should've to fix it all.

But it did get fixed and that brings me the counter to ALL of this stuff that stands in Peter and Felicia's way. And that is that no matter how much things stay the same, comics always inevitably change and so do the characters in them. We like to pretend that the way we see a lot of the characters in comics now has just always been them. But no, they're not. Batman used to carry a gun in his early days, Superman didn't always fly, Captain America, a WW2 Veteran, claimed he never killed anyone for a short time, Deadpool didn't always break the 4th Wall and Starlord used to be a lot more of a straight edged serious space hero and not a rock music lovin' dancin' fool of a rogue Han Solo. Tastes change, writers change, people change... and so has Felicia.

Felicia hasn't always been honest with Peter, she's tricked him into chasing her, played him to get away with a score, gotten superpowers from Kingpin in an effort to keep up with him which led to their first break up, she even dated Flash Thompson trying to make him jealous. But if one thing has been consistent, it's that Felicia can't help but cross back into Peter's life. And in the process, because she cares, even loves him, there are things she's had to accept, to admit to. And chief among them is Peter Parker is Spider-Man and Peter Parker's life is as if not more important to him than just being Spider-Man. She hasn't only loved Spider-Man for years at this point, for a long time. She loves both. and she is willing to accept both. If there is any problem, it's Peter accepting Felicia for who she is... which is a better person than even she gives herself credit for.

Spider-Man wouldn't be partnering up with Felicia so often if he didn't believe there was more to her than just a shallow thief. And the influence has affected Felicia, she's admitted as much. Maybe her shift to doing good was set off by a crush, but she owned that change and she kept pushing herself. She'll never have a strict moral compass, but she does know what the right choice is at the end of the day, what feels right. And when Spider-Man needs an ally, he can call on her as much as anyone. Spider-Man being in her life has only been a net positive for Felicia, Peter being with her has only been a net positive. And that brings us back to her time as a lame crime boss and how they fixed her. Because there's a better, deeper, actually meaningful reason for their schism besides Felicia's loss of street cred.

She forgot the man she loved and changed for.

Yep, we're factoring One More Day into this thing proper like. After an adventure with Venom and Spidey, dealing with some symbiote nonsense, Felicia is convinced to hash it out with the Wall Crawler. And she admits to him that she lost something, his face. When Spider-Man made the world forget who he was under the mask it affected Felicia too. All her memories, all the time spent with Peter post reveal, everything that she knew about the man behind the mask... it was either gone or in a fog. She can't remember all those times that Peter trusted her with who he was and it has been eating her up inside for years! And Spider-Man never thought about how that would affect her, a person he's loved, been intimate with, and at least now cares about. That was an important time in her life and it's just gone now. And it may be selfish to want all of it back and even demand it back... but she's right. Those memories were hers and Spidey took them away. And Spider-Man, being selfless as he is, can't just let that stand anymore.

Everyone says Felicia only loves Spider-Man, but that's not true. She may love the Spider... but she changed for the Man. She cherishes that time she had with that Man. And it's hard to believe that she doesn't love the Man as much as the Spider because, ultimately, they are the same person. That's the other difference between this and Bruce/Selina. Bruce Wayne is the mask for the boy who died in that alleyway, Batman is who he's been since that day. Peter and Spider-Man are the same person, it's why he can't leave either persona behind. And Felicia has long since accepted that, and that has never changed how she feels about him until she lost who he was beneath the mask. Now it's all back, the highs and lows of that tumultuous time in her life when she fell for a Spider and came to love the Man. It doesn't heal everything, but it repairs the bond that was broken so long ago and so unintentionally.

There is, however, another argument being floated around these days I have to address. That even if Felicia can accept the man beneath the mask, do either really NEED each other? I'd point to all the stuff above that shows how that's simply not true, but there's more to it than that. Love isn't always about what you need, it's just as much about what you want. And I'm not talking about a person or thing, not something material. What does Felicia want? What does Peter want?

Felicia wants to be more than what she is, always has been. She wants thrills, she wants to be her true self and I feel Spider-Man brings out those qualities more than any of her other boy or girlfriends, especially since he started her path to change and growth. She stops being selfish and reacts more selfless. His influence on her is undeniable and she knows as much as anyone. She'll never be a good girl, but she'll at least be a better one than she is without him in her life.

Peter wants to be at peace, to be happy with who he is, to not always feel burdened. Felicia has always been one of the ways he's released that burden, he's been happy with her. Sure he's been happy with others, but Felicia has met him on a level that none of them could, she's been able to be in the thick of it with him. She's been able to share the burden. She's been able to be an active participant. With her around, Peter's world as a superhero doesn't feel so lonely. And maybe, if Felicia could accept the man as much as it seems she has, so too could she accept Peter's regular life.

In Taylor Swift's song, Anti-Hero, she reflects on how exhausting for her it's been that she hasn't seemed to learn anything and keeps making the same mistakes over and over. And if you pay attention to the lyics enough, they start describing Felicia Hardy pretty well.

I should not be left to my own devices They come with prices and vices I end up in crisis (tale as old as time) I wake up screaming from dreaming One day I'll watch as you're leaving 'Cause you got tired of my scheming (For the last time)

However, just as much of it can sorta apply to Spider-Man as well. His heroic selflessness is frankly a very long depressing slog of him being unable to forgive himself for letting down Uncle Ben, placing all the blame on his shoulders and then repeating that process whenever his great power can never live up to his great responsibility.

Did you hear my covert narcissism I disguise as altruism Like some kind of congressman? (Tale as old as time) I wake up screaming from dreaming One day I'll watch as you're leaving And life will lose all its meaning (For the last time)

When it comes to Spider-Man and the Black Cat, a lot of the things that make them unhappy are self-inflicted. Lewis Lovhaug of "Atop the Fourth Wall" Fame has argued that the problem with Spider-Man in a lot of modern stories is that he never learns from anything. He hasn't done enough to improve himself as Spider-Man or as Peter Parker, he just keeps feeling sorry for himself that one gets in the way of the other. And frankly, the same curse has affected Felicia. Because a lot of what has prevented her from being with Spider-Man has been herself. Ultimately both will, as the song says, always look towards the bright sun of what they think they want, but never in the mirror. They'll hurt themselves, never realizing that they're the source of their own dissatisfaction with how their lives are. It must be exhausting always rooting for the anti-hero, especially when its yourself.

Maybe Peter and Felicia don't need each other, but they do need someone to set them straight and get them to stop believing their own bullshit. To make them stare away from the sun and into the mirror. Because they are each exactly the kind of person who would do that for the other, in fact they've been doing it for as long as they've been together. Their bond is stronger than people give it credit for.

Early on in their relationship, Black Cat was badly injured and has to be rushed to a hospital. Helpless to really do anything, Peter could only stand by her bedside and hope she'd be okay again. For all his power, once more, he can't do anything but just stay with her. And actually, that's enough.

But come now, would Felicia ever do the same for Peter you ask? Well... during a recent story event, Spider-Man was badly injured and slips into a coma. But there was one person constantly by his side throughout it.

This isn't derogatory, Felicia is clearly lamenting the fact that someone so good who does everything so selflessly despite no thanks or praise, is so constantly placed into situations like this. It's unfair to her. It's why she's here now, like he was for her. And just like before...

It's Felicia who gets the first response out of him. Claim all you want that Felicia doesn't need Peter, that she's moved past him, that Peter and MJ are too perfect for each other, that the Black Cat can't ever settle down like Peter probably wants or that Peter can never really be there for Felicia in the way she wants. But I don't buy it. And stuff like this is why.

No matter how much bad luck she is, Spider-Man wants and in some ways needs the Black Cat is in his life. And no matter how much she can try and say she's over it, The Black Cat will always find a way to cross paths with her Spider.

In the recent PS4 Spider-Man game, Felicia came back after a stint of going straight to prepare for a major strike back against Hammerhead and the Maggia families. She coerces Spider-Man into another of her games where she steals $50 Million worth of stuff and forces him to chase her around the city to find it all. She leaves the loot behind though, because it was all trick to break into the police evidence lockup and snag her old gear. But she did leave Peter a cool new suit, a reference to the time when Felicia made a new black suit for Peter after giving up his symbiote. You know, so they match.

Felicia's little game comes to fruition when "The Heist" DLC comes out. Felicia strings Spidey along, pretending Hammerhead has her son, strongly implying its his. Ultimately this is revealed to have been a lie of course, another game. Because this, to Felicia, is basically the perfect date night. Spider-Man chases her, they team up, she gets what she wants and runs off into the night. In this case the entire wealth of the Maggia after double crossing Hammerhead. This gets a target on her back instantly. Spider calls her to warn her, leaving Felicia more than a little surprised.

Felicia: I just conned you and here you are trying to save me. How can you be so damn nice all the time?

Spidey: It's not about being nice, it's about doing the right thing! You have so many talents, I wish you'd use them to help someone other than yourself.

Felicia: Yeah well, you should know by now that's not how I roll.

Spidey: People can change, Felicia.

Felicia: Love you, Spider. I'll miss you.

Felicia's penthouse explodes and she appears to die. But eagle eyed players would notice the puff smoke just before the bomb goes off. The Black Cat fakes her death more than Doctor Doom uses robots. Felicia got away, scot-free, with all the money she could ever need or want. She conned Spider-Man, Hammerhead and everyone. She won hands down and can do whatever she wants from now on. No one will be looking for her. Hammerhead's plans to utilize weapons of war to take over the city isn't her problem.

And yet...

Felicia comes back to help Spider-Man, knowing it will basically put her on the radar again given everything she's stolen. She doesn't stay, but she saves him and gives him the means to take Hammerhead down. No matter what anyone thinks of Felicia, especially herself, she is not nearly as incapable of being selfless as one thinks. And this is true of most of her incarnations. Perhaps because the Black Cat will do anything to get what she wants, even if it means turning over a new leaf for her Spider. It's how this all started after all. Selfish Selflessness, it's probably the best middle ground Peter can hope for. But at least it means he can count on her, to be selfish. And that's why she'll always be there for him. Felicia doesn't like to lose the things she has.

I think it also says a lot that many players felt that Peter and Felicia's chemistry was loads more interesting and compelling than his relationship with the estranged version of MJ Spidey has to deal with. And frankly, Felicia being in those stealth sequences would've made a million times more sense. There are some who have even speculated, with no real proof mind you, that Felicia was lying about lying about having a son. That she DOES have one, he just wasn't in danger. But of course, that's unlikely. For the same reason Peter remains hung up on Mary Jane in this game despite the fact most players seem apathetic to them getting back together. Spider-Man being a father out of wedlock is something that Marvel is not really prepared to sign off on. Just as much as they resist him being with someone other than MJ in other media, despite not wanting him to be with her in the comics.

It all seems so arbitrary to me, that they just can't be together because of the iconography of Peter and MJ. Or because she can't love the man the Spider is, which isn't true. Or Spider-Man can't change her or trust her, which also isn't true. If there has ever been a more consistent, sustainable, supportive and bonded character to Peter Parker it has been Felicia Hardy. Romantically or platonically, Felicia has dropped things to be there for Peter. And the idea that they are toxic for each other has never rung true. People can change, and this romance proves it. They just need to be given the chance to do so, and have the right person along for the ride. And the forced separation feels more arbitrary when you take into consideration, that Marvel has kept MJ and Peter apart for over a decades worth of comics and has never bit the bullet on simply just letting Felicia and Peter be together until now.

Some have claimed the new romance is out of the blue, that Spencer was setting things up to undo OMD, and that Wells just pulled this off out of nowhere. Well... no. Because those scenes where Felicia brought Peter out of his coma, the re-unmasking, the re-entry into his life through a number of adventures... Spencer either wrote those himself or they were written in conjunction with his run. People have confirmation bias, I'm no different, I don't claim to be. However, everyone has wanted OMD to be undone since the storyline first concluded. Marvel has played with fans' heartstrings that it will do so and it has prevented Peter from moving on because if he's not in a committed sustainable relationship, there's always hope that Mephisto's deal will be undone! And it has not helped anyone in the slightest to keep buying that horse crap.

The fact is I'm honestly sick of this "will they won't they" garbage from Marvel on undoing One More Day and I think more people should be by this point. Let me make this perfectly clear, even if they undo the deal... they're not getting remarried. Marvel simply is not interested in going down that road for Spider-Man again. Even with the new Spider-Verse movie showing Peter B. with a kid. Because the problem has never been they won't let Peter be married to MJ. The problem is they won't let Peter grow. The problem is they won't let him move on and change. They stick him in a misery spin cycle and just never let him out.

Why not just end the charade? Let Peter grow. Let Felicia grow. They both already want to. They both already desire to. And they both have already done so for the other. Felicia has been there to challenge and push him, while also protecting and supporting him. And Peter has undeniably changed Felicia as a person. She may never have the same moral compass, but she's no longer as lost as she once was. Her selfish cynicism is kept in check when it comes to Peter. And his selfless self-destruction is held back thanks to Felicia. Why deny them the chance to both be truly happy? Especially when they make each other better people. Why deny chemistry that is so perfectly balanced in its contradiction?

I don't begrudge people for preferring Mary Jane being with Spider-Man. I'm more or less at peace with the reality that some pairings are just thought of as the default and nothing is really gonna change that. I prefer Rogue with Deadpool, that doesn't change the fact she'll always be with Gambit. What I wanted to stress with this isn't so much an argument to ship it so much as the ultimate reason I simply can't let these two go.

For me, SpiderCat speaks on some primal level, more than wish fulfillment, but the idea of growth. That love can hold you up in your worst moments, or change you for the better. That it can make you look in the mirror and ask, who do you want to be? What do you want? What is worth changing for? Felicia found her answer, a nerdy, selfless, eternally tormented wall-crawler, who should know better than to go chasing her trying to save her from herself... but does it anyway. How could she not return the favor and be there for him? It's hard to say whether he caught her in his web, or if she just loves walking across his path. What is certain is they are bonded to each other, in one way or another. And that's the only thing about either character that I don't think can ever truly change.

Well this was a long one, and probably a lot more introspective and personally relatable than I thought. I think now have a better understanding of what has always drawn me to these two. And also now think I have discovered the song that describes them both so... thanks Taylor Swift! Whatever future this rekindled romance holds in the comics, we'll see how it shakes out. But I can enjoy the ride even if some of it has been rocky. Not the first time I've had to deal with that.

If you're still here, congrats, you've made it to the end. And I hope I didn't completely bore you all with this fairly overly comprehensive look at a pairing spanning various mediums and continuities. But I like to be thorough. So I hope you can appreciate the amount of work I put into this whole thing for you all. If I ever do this again I can only hope it won't be so... all encompassing. But I make no promises.

One thing I know though, I'm probably gonna be riding and dying these two forever. The Cat and her Spider, the Self and Selfless. Beautiful in the mess they are apart and the whole they are together.

[saltygilmores]

THOUGHTS WHILE WATCHING GILMORE GIRLS: S3/EP6: TAKE THE DEVILED EGGS (Pt 2) (This One's Gonna Be a Real Rage Inducer) (Lots Of Interesting Development Though) (So many things happening) (Salty Rambles about Jess Mariano's Birthday)

There is something to be said about Luke (on multiple occasions) readily admitting he pays Jess in ketchup packets to toil in the Coffee Mines more or less against his will. I get that it's just a part time job after school...before school..while he's cutting school..always working...never stopping...never reicieving any tips from Lorelai and Rory... Rory needs a job... Rory and Lorelai need to pay for their food... Anyway these comments shed a light on the shaky economies of small businesses in small towns which is interesting to me. Gilmore Girls is really, at it's core, a show about class. One day he could wake up to find his diner has been turned into a Dunkin Donuts (this is Not-Quite-But-Almost-New England after all, where DD is king).

Hahahahaha!! Jess stole money to buy a car and he committs attempted murder! Hahahahaaha! You're SO FUNNY LORELAI GILMORE. Your daughter stole a boat.

Yeah. And maybe back home, he did had to steal to survive sometimes. How about them apples, Lorelai Gilmore. God, do I loathe her.

Don't say that around Lorelai, I think she'd believe you were being serious.

A couple of the moots and I recently decided that in the recent past, Liz managed to land and then lose a halfway decent boyfriend/ father figure to Jess who had a car and taught Jess to drive and do repairs and some other light adulting. I honestly feel like this is the only thing that makes sense.

HE LOOKS SO GOOD IN THIS SCENE!!! Fuck meeee. Look at that li'l curl...

LOOK AT IT!!!! You know what, I'm calling it. I'm putting my foot down. This is the hottest Milo had ever looked in the entirety of seasons 2 and 3. It's that perfectly gelled hair, the jean jacket, the cool tshirt. Very James Dean. Woof. Let's see, what would I choose for second place? I have to go with the party scene in KegMax, another episode with impeccably jelled hair and a jean jacket (and even while he was apparently sick shooting that episode too). He just progresses in hotness the further season 3 marches on.

These four words "I'm still a minor" are a point of contention for me in the ongoing debate about his birth month. My beliefs: Jess is a Virgo. He was born in August or early September. This would make him just older than Rory by just a smidge. Since well over a year has passed in the show since the episode he arrived in Stars Hollow as a 17 year old (when he arrived, it was early September as Rory had just started school in that episode), he had just celebrated his birthday before arriving and so he has to have already turned 18 by this episode. However, I will consider the theory that Luke was clueless or misinformed about his age at the time he arrived (because it's not like LIz is in any way reliable with information) and he was actually 16 going on 17 when he hopped off the bus last year, and maybe he has an October or November birthday making him slightly younger than Rory. It would make sense that both missed the kindergarten cut off dates in 1989 at their respective schools (which is rock solid canon already for Rory, as she was born in October 84 but graduated in 03 instead of 02), putting them in the same grade.

Salty has put a pathetic amount of thought into this. So, how can I accept this statemen? I attribute it to the same brand of biting sarcasm that gave us "I mugged an old lady" moments ago and also because this scene doesn't make a whole lot of sense to begin with. He's still a minor, but he got his own insurance all by himself under his own name, which is not really a thing, but not his own car registration? Committing insurance fraud perhaps? Sketchy insurance company that didn't ask too many questions? He knows a guy who knows a guy who can print up some fake documents? At that point why not go all the way with the white collar crimes and forge Luke's signature on the registration too? See, Lorelai thinks Jess is a thief and murderer when he's really a white collar criminal like Taylor Doose.

My memory was certain that he produced a cigarrette and not a pen in this scene. I had to edit this post to remove a line about him smoking. I guess I confused it with the Then She Appears/ Cmurrh kissing scene, where he's also wearing a jean jacket with a popped collar. Damn. I can't wait for that scene...

Just some light fraud. If the car belonged to someone in Stars Hollow, whoever's registration he stole probably deserved it anyway. This is how I approach all "Crimes" Jess commits in Stars Hollow. There are only a few people who don't deserve it. Your honor, my client is innocent.

Oh no, the couch of doom. No good conversations ever happens between Rory and Lorelai on the couch, especially after one of them comes home at night and finds the other one on the couch. The Gilmores recieve an invitation to Sherry's baby shower. The moots and I have determined that Doula and Gigi will eventually band together to form the most powerful duo of neglected half sisters the world has ever seen. For the record, today Doula would be 17 and Gigi would be 21. Since Jess eventually comes to adopt and raises Doula she has a somewhat decent chance of coming out a well adjusted adult. At the very least, if she was stuck with TJ and Liz, Jess would still be a positive influence on her life, visit her and look out for her and make sure she didn't get sucked into any cults. The odds are a lot more grim for Gigi with Crusty and Sherry as her forever "parents" and let's face it, very likely her relationship with big sister Rory or any of the other Gilmores is non existent.

And things were so peaceful. Especially since Dean hasn't reared his ugly head in the last two episodes, either.

You flip flop with Crusty so much how can anyone possibly keep track of whether you're on the outs with him or banging him at any given time?

And by saying that out loud you're gonna tip the balance of the universe and he's going to show up. I looked ahead and although this is sadly still a Crusty-Focused episode, he doesn't actually make an appearance. Small blessings. To Lorelai's surprise, Rory admits that she's been in contact with Crusty and Lorelai is okay with it but upset that Rory was hiding it from her. God, he's such a parasite.

Emails. How quaint.

Highly debatable.

[dolamrothianlady]

Bouquets (part four)

Leonard McCoy x Reader 591 words

---

Another flower, but this time there's something else as well.

---

Hyacinth (your loveliness charms me)

For the first time since all of this flower business started you received a message from Jim about said gifts. Usually he dodged your questions or was "too busy" to really chat (an absolute lie - that man could multitask like no other), but when you came home one afternoon you found not only a pot of hyacinths but a message on your machine.

“Hey,” Jim started, sounding strangely muffled; almost like he was calling you from inside a closet. “Look, I’m going to give you a hint, one hint, and that’s all you’re getting from me, alright? I’m not gonna come out and tell you who’s doing this; number one cause these messages you’re leaving me are hilarious, and yeah I’ve definitely been playing them for him, and number two cause I promised I wouldn’t. Just...look, you work in a library. Maybe tomorrow you browse the gardening section. Pick up a book on flowers. Have a flick through and see what flowers can convey. That’s all you’re getting from me. This call never happened.”

Well. This was getting interesting. You’d always found flower meanings fascinating, but given that you chose your blooms solely on looks and how you were feeling at the time you never really gave it much thought. You were going to go to work early tomorrow, blow through all the books in the gardening section, and get to the bottom of this. You had a plan. Of course it wouldn’t help with figuring out who was doing it but you’d at least be able to work out what they were trying to express to you. And maybe, if you were brave enough, you’d be able to send a message of your own.

You got to the library a whole hour and a half before your shift, and after dumping your bag in your locker made your way to the gardening section. Most of it was unhelpful; what to grow where, plants native to the area, how to grow this and that. But, tucked away in a corner, you found an old book of flower meanings, complete with illustrations. You couldn’t be sure this was the one that your mysterious admirer was using, and you weren’t going to go and check the previous borrowers in the system cause that would be cheating, but you had a feeling you were onto something.

After making your way out of the stacks you hid away in the breakroom, spending the last half hour before your shift going through the book and figuring out what was being said to you. To say you were surprised would be the understatement of the century, and by the time you’d checked out all the flowers you’d gotten you were incredibly flustered. Whoever he was, he knew you, and knew you well. You most definitely knew him as well, and you could forgive him his shyness. The ongoing gesture was the sweetest thing to have ever happened to you, and you had to let him know that you were onto his secret messages. Another quick flick through the book gave you an idea how to proceed, and you made a mental note to change your route home so that you could pick something up.

Of course you had to let Jim know that you’d cottoned onto the messages.

“Jim, I figured it out!” This time you were the one whispering, huddled in the corner of the room. “I’m very flustered, not real coherent right now, but I’m gonna leave him a message of my own tonight.”

[stellocchia]

I know you haven't done it in a while but do you have any fanfics you've read recently that you would recommend?

Oh, I do!

So, first of all I've been reading The Oath of Hippocrates by Melatonin_High which, I gotta say, I'm really really enjoying.

It's a still ongoing Superhero AU where Tommy is an overworked child medic, the rest of SBI are villains (and Wilbur especially is Concerned Big Bro™) while Tubbo and Ranboo are both vigilantes I think. I'm 9 chapters in at the moment, so I haven't caught up with it yet, but yeah, pretty damn cool.

Also, My Wingless Prince by FractalFiction was another cute one. It's a oneshot of basically just Wilbur adopting Tommy. Very cute. Though I'm especially biased because I adore dadbur so...

Then, right after the latest stream I read best served cold by hoodienanami which was honestly perfect for the mood.

Basically, you know Wilbur's hallucination of beating the ever-loving crap out of Dream? This is basically that but if it actually happened.

I've also read Extension by Jk_Kat again, and actually finished it this time. No idea why I dropped it the first time around.

In it basically, Tommy is a blind airbending badass and he gets himself adopted by the rest of SBI. It's a good read and I know I recommended it in the past, but yeah! Deffo one to read.

Then there was Rule of the Beasts by RadioSilencer which I also really liked. The premise is that, basically, Dream hands Tommy over to the Antarctic Empire to avoid a war against them? It's nice, and I've really liked the interactions between Tommy and the rest of SBI so far.

If you find what you're looking for - be sure to send a postcard by BialyLis Then, of course, I can't not suggest this. It's the third part of my favorite Fostercare AU series I'm ready now. It's just... it's so good man. The whole series is top tier, and, of course, this installment is great too.

It's definitely a longer read to catch up with everything but it's so worth it. The characterization for all of SBI works so well, it's really really great.

And last of the dsmp ones I've read more recently is nocturnal animals by bonesandthebees (bonesandcacti). Which is a Vampire AU and it's so good.

Basically, Tommy's a vampire hunter and he finds one vampire that is too sad to kill and ends up making him reevaluate all of his morals. That vampire is Wilbur.

I have been consuming a huge amount of crimeboys content in case it wasn't obvious.

I have also been reading a ton of other fics, but they're mostly TOH. So like, dunno if you guys would be interested in that.

[cescalr]

i was also thinking reverse falls

for Real reverse falls was so... Gravity Falls actually had this problem with a fair few of it's AUs, like a lot of the interpretations of the stan-went-thru-the-portal-instead (but ford still waited 30 years) or ageswap just made mabel and dipper into stan and ford again and it's just.... sigh.

(I also have Thoughts about those AUs - I've currently got some of my ageswap au Thoughts written up, actually, though none of the others.)

I had my own ideas for reverse falls a long time ago - i couldn't find it now, some art/writing journal i last touched in like 2015 and likely lost when we moved house - but I always wanted to explore the canon negative characteristics of our heroes like Mabel's selfishness and Dipper's ambition, Stan's criminality and Ford's egotistic tendencies, if i were to do a reverse falls AU. Also everyone who made dipper swap with gideon and mabel swap with pacifica SO missed the point. if anyone was swapping roles literally instead of narratively, then dipper would swap with Pacifica and Mabel would swap with Gideon. There's a lot more parallels there that are interesting. Dipper and Pacifica have - to very different degrees, but still - canonically fraught relations with their family members at various points, and they're both easily caught up in competition and they're both very stubborn, but they've both got the same potential for good in them, as well as ill. I'd need like, time to talk it through properly in meta or some such, but basically; dipper and pacifica parallel each other better than mabel and pacifica do (Mabel and Pacifica are literally foils, guys - and not in the two-sides-of-a-coin way, in the narrative way where they're not reverses of each other and more simply have characteristics that clash, which is not the same thing), and if you're swapping dipper and pacifica there's much less weirdness with the characterisation people automatically do to pacifica when they make her Pacifica southwest, which is basically just blonde mabel and is really boring. Pacifica's not like that! Pacifica stood up to her parents to save people. Pacifica is very outwardly self-centred and she cares about the appearances her parents have conditioned her to keep up, but she's more invested in actually helping people when you get down to the wire. When Mabel is asked by Bill in sock opera about sacrificing stuff for the sake of your sibling, I can't see a reverse!gideon being the dipper in the room - but I can see Gideon being Mabel, realising all the things Pacifica does, despite the front she puts up, and coming to his senses. There's also the idea that Gideon swapping with Dipper just doesn't really make any sense anyway - they share maybe one trait, but for the most part they're very different people. (that trait, by the way, I feel is showmanship. But dipper and pacifica share that, too, so like, moot point, right.)

Anyway, yeah. I'd rather do the whole thing like, swapping narrative function - antagonists, protagonists, villains and heroes and all that - but like... if i were to swap roles; Dipper's instigator-investigator-hero role, I wouldn't give that to Gideon. I might still have Gideon discover the journal, but I'd have Pacifica decide to use it to solve problems around town and get into other people's business. Maybe in this AU she decides to keep up appearances by actually doing the good things for the community her family pretends to. I mean, she didn't know her family were liars at the beginning, remember! Maybe her pride manifests differently as the protagonist.

Stan can stay basically the same in a Reverse AU tbh - just make him more realistic. Guy is a career criminal with a current, ongoing smuggling operation. Like, c'mon. Family loyalty can be a double-edged sword!

As for Ford, just... there's some real obvious ways. But my main issue is that I don't think the "will" situation is ever properly explained in a Reverse!AU. Like I don't want to make these entirely new characters with a gravity falls coat of paint, just as much as i don't want it to be canon with a redesign, you know? I've never read a reverse AU that got to the point of explaining the portal or why Ford is still trapped in there if he's evil and had control over "will", like it doesn't make sense. I think a Reverse AU needs the caveat of keeping Bill mostly the same, or maybe making the Time Baby the big bad. I mean, canon actually has an evil dipper that's got some fucked up shit to do with time-travel going on, from one of the books they released (i forget which one, sorry). But yeah - I don't know why nobody talks about that. It rotates in my brain like i can't get rid of it; dipper canonically goes evil or at least very creepy and worrisome at some point in the future of gf!!! he seems to be our normal good dip-dop as an older teen, but once he's an adult he's gone fully off the deep end. And I think that's interesting, because that would mean in a reverse AU, dipper as a kid should be fully off the deep end, but once he's grown he's a heroic sort of character. teen dipper should be weird and unnerving while adult dipper actually is genuinely honest when he says the future got fixed and he shouldn't worry about teen dipper, instead of sounding very scary and evil about it.

But yeah, I mean - reverse AU also doesn't really make sense with the choices it makes in regards to the side characters, like, what are you going to do with people like Susan? It's a roleswap au, so who's role is she swapping, if we're not going with a more, metatextual swap of narrative importance/alignment? People always swapping Wendy and Robbie seems odd to me. Some of the swaps seemed arbitrary, and that one especially with the way that robbie!Wendy got drawn was... hm. It really seemed to me that was just an excuse to draw an emo wendy redesign, which, babes, you don't need an excuse for that. Just draw what you feel like, you know. It's fanart, it doesn't need a whole AU around it to "excuse" it's existence - it's cool either way.

Idk, man. Yeah. Reverse AU always bugged me. It seemed like a wasted opportunity for some really neat character studies. But that's just me!

Man, that was a long post :D. I do want to gather my thoughts together about this stuff, actually. I probably will now, with the motivation to do so sparked. Thanks :).

[oh-boy-me]

Obey Me Devilgram Posts and Comments: Belphegor (Launch~We’re All Bad Here)

Well THIS one is a long time coming!  I thought it was a good way to celebrate our return :D

There’s,,, over a year to catch up on again,,, ;w; so I’m gonna bring back #devilgram rush as a tag for you to block if you don’t want to be flooded with these posts every couple of days. The tag will be removed after some time has passed, so you’ll be able to see the post later if you look for it.

However, on the bright side I feel like I’ve gotten a LOT better at translating than I was when I last posted one of these, so hopefully that’s actually the case lol (maybe I should go back and revisit the comments I wasn’t sure of before?)

The full Japanese transcript is below the cut!

日本語は私の第三言語ので、時々間違えます。日本語話者、間違いを見たら教えてください。 (Japanese is my third language, so I make mistakes sometimes.  Japanese speakers, if you see a mistake, please tell me!)

Belphie in Wonderland

Solomon: You sure are good at being spoiled

Levi: Mini size…… moe (1)

Barbatos: You reap what you sow

Lucifer: How long are you planning to keep us waiting?

#Prank #Cookie

You Warm Me Up

Simeon: Looks like he’s still dreaming.

Lucifer: Hana Ruri, rurun…? (2)

Satan: Belphie’s on a whole different level.

Beel: I’ll sleep with you guys too.

#CoSleeping #Winter

Hide and Seek

Simeon: It’s a lively afternoon (3).

Beel: Hide and seek?

Asmo: Hurry up and find her (4).

Lucifer: Hide and seek’s over.

#Daydream #Reality

Whereabouts of the Smile

Levi: At least look for pictures on your own.

Asmo: I’m perfectly photogenic too!

Lucifer: Who can get a smile out of him?

Levi: We almost had it…

#Picture #MakeHimSmileAtAnyCost

Hatred

Beel: I want to go to school with Belphie.

Solomon (5): I’m great at that game.

Mammon: Don’t ignore the rules!

Lucifer: So something like that happened too…

#Game #WhoAmI?

Seven Rulers of Hell

Luke: The sun is great!

Beel: It’s rare for Belphie to be so cheerful.

Lucifer: So you WERE sleeping…

Mammon: Are they still not back?!

#Dog #Secret

1. I don’t know if I’ve ever actually explained it, but 萌え (moe) is basically the feeling of having a fictional crush due to a character looking and acting cute. There’s ongoing debate about the full connotations of the concept, which is certainly interesting but there’s no reason to get into that in the footnotes of a devilgram post 2. I don’t have this story myself, but from what I know Lucifer should be quoting the alarm clock Levi brings here. 3. Specifically it’s “early afternoon,” but nobody says that in a sentence like this. 4. I don’t wanna spoil this one for people who haven’t read it, but rest assured that “her” is not referring to MC. 5. Yeah it’s Solomon in the Japanese version

Masterpost

ベルフェ・イン・ワンダーランド

ソロモン：甘え方が上手いよね レヴィ：ミニサイズ……萌え バルバトス：自業自得ですね ルシファー：いつまで待たせる気だ？ ＃悪戯　＃クッキー

君であたためて

シメオン：まだ夢の中みたいだね��� ルシファー：花ルリ、ルルン……？ サタン：ベルフェの方が一枚上手だ。 ベール：俺も一緒に寝る。 ＃添い寝　＃冬

かくれんぼ

シメオン：賑やかな昼下がりだね。 ベール：かくれんぼ？ アスモ：早く見つけてあげて。 ルシファー：かくれんぼは終わりだ。 ＃白昼夢　＃現実

笑顔の行方

レヴィ：写真くらい自分で探せよな。 アスモ：ぼくって写真写りも完璧だね！ ルシファー：誰が笑顔を引き出せるかな？ レヴィ：もうちょっとだったのに…。 ＃写真　＃意地でも笑わせる

大嫌い

ベール：ベルフェと学校行きたい。 ソロモン：俺そのゲーム得意だよ。 マモン：ルール無視すんな！ ルシファー：そんなこともあったな…。 ＃ゲーム　＃Who am I?

地獄の七大君主

ルーク：太陽って良いよな！ ベール：珍しくベルフェがはしゃいでる。 ルシファー：やはり寝たか…。 マモン：あいつらまだ帰って来ないのかよ。 ＃犬　＃秘密

こんなポストの体裁が忘れちゃうくらい久しぶりだったよ ^^;

[keepsmagnetoaway]

X-Men: The Hidden Years 1 (December 1999)

John Byrne & Tom Palmer

it'shappeningagain.gif

Ok, so. At the beginning of 1970 the ongoing X-Men title was cancelled (or, at least, it kept publishing, but all it printed was reprints of existing stories): it was revived five years later. In the intervening time, the X-Men still canonically existed within the Marvel universe, and popped up occasionally in other people's books, some of which we will eventually be reading. Once they'd come back later in 1970s, though, and then become massively popular in the 80s and 90s, Marvel concluded it might be fun (i.e. profitable) to go back and tell some stories of what happened to the still-around original team after the cancellation of the book. Thus, X-Men: The Hidden Years.

This wasn't a throw-away cash-in, though, or at least wasn't meant to be: Marvel brought in the then-legendary John Byrne to write and draw the series. Byrne had drawn and written for X-Men in the late 70s, in the heyday of its revival, contributing to the most important X-Men stories ever told, the Dark Phoenix saga and Days of Future Past (someday we might even get to read them), had then written a number of massively successful other Marvel series and then, at the end of the 80s, had been lured away by DC to reboot Superman himself, which he did to considerable acclaim. By the late 90s his star was fading a little bit - notably he was now constantly clashing with his editors and abruptly quitting titles when he didn't get what he wanted - but he was still drawing and writing major titles for DC and Marvel: he was and remains a massively productive and influential figure.

So Marvel - presumably - gritted their teeth and chucked a bunch of money at him to bring his talents back to the X-Men. This isn't the place to do a full history of comics in the 90s, but since Byrne had last written for them, the X-Men too had been on a journey, becoming massively popular and ultimately being the defining superheroes of the massive boom in comics - and then also the poster-children for the crash that came around 1996, when all the hype and collectible mania and, simply, bad art and storytelling came tumbling down (we'll get to some of these issues in, oh, about 2035). Which brings us, confusingly, back to 1970.

Yeah, ok, that was a whoooooole lot of lead-in for, sorry. This is also a very weird issue to read if, like me and perhaps like you if you're following along with this blog, you've just been reading the originals, because Byrne spends the first half of this double-length debut issue recapping what happened in them. Obviously this is a good idea - especially in 1999 when tracking down the issues online would have been next to impossible - but for me it's just very funny to see all this stuff I was reading last week be catapulted fowards into a totally different style and summarised in one panel per issue.

The contrast with the older art, which is still fresh in my mind, is obviously also interesting, and I think mostly not favourable to Byrne and Palmer's stuff here. This art isn't bad exactly, but it's...dull? Like, what is the style here? There barely is one.

It's very primary-colours-driven, a little simple-feeling. It's alright, but it's just...alright.

Anyway, jesus, does anything actually happen in this issue? Well, yes. The point Byrne is picking up from leaves him with two strands: the main team's adventures, and the fact that Iceman just sort-of quit, partly in response to the arrival of Havok and the whole vague love-triangle with Lorna. So we get a certain amount of this sort of thing.

Do you see what I mean when I say the art here is kind of childish? It seems sort of simplistic. as, frankly, does much of the dialogue.

Still, the main team (minus Iceman) are instead on their way to the Savage Land, for...reasons. Those reasons involving having to contact fucking Ka-Zar again.

Once there, they fight some "natives" before being captured by them, and Jean appears to die. Obviously this kind of fake-out is even sillier in a prequel book where we know she doesn't die at this point in the timeline but this post is long enough already so I'll not show you that whole bit. I'll finish instead by saying this: this shit wasn't ok in the 1960s, and it's really not ok in 1999. Jesus Christ.

I guess what I'm saying is, I don't think I'm going to enjoy this series.

[staringdownabarrel]

Anyway, here's my thoughts on the Legends of the Riftwar trilogy as a whole.

For the most part, this series was another nothing burger. Yes, it introduce some new concepts to the series, but for the most part, it just felt like this was just side stuff that didn't need to be there. This stands out as particularly unfortunate because the previous trilogy he cowrote, the Empire trilogy with Janny Wurts, was one of the best trilogies that Raymond E. Feist has ever been involved in.

I think my actual problem with these three books is that they feel like they could have been short stories or novellas, not novels in their own right. This would have been a more interesting direction to go down, because having 8-12 short stories that he'd cowritten with other authors, or even just four or five novellas released in a single volume, would have been a new format for him.

It also would have been a better fit for what this trilogy actually consists of. Especially with Murder in LaMut and Jimmy the Hand, it sorta felt like Feist and his cowriters had a very bare bones idea for a story, but not necessarily enough there to warrant a full novel. Yeah, everything in them makes sense and they are cohesive stories, but there is a lot of stuff in them that feel like they were just tacked on to make sure the novel hit a certain word count.

I think this would have lessened my issues with the trilogy. Like, not every short story in Alastair Reynolds' collection Galactic North is adding groundbreaking new stuff to the Revelation Space series, but that's fine because the format itself acknowledges that these are just side stories and not major additions to the series. The same would have been true of the Legends of the Riftwar trilogy if it'd been a short story/novella collection set in Midkemia instead of a full blown trilogy.

The actual quality of the prose on a technical level in this trilogy does feel better than it had in some of Raymond E. Feist's other novels. This is a difficult thing to quantify because for the most part, I don't really have major problems with Feist's prose. There aren't any big gramatical things he does that really get under my skin, and most of the time when I've had an issue it's been something that's clearly a typo or a misprint in that specific edition. For the most part, my actual issue with his writing has tended to be thematic or stylistic issues--issues with how he characterises women, or wishing he'd emphasised one storyline over another.

I think the actual thing here is that by the time he wrote the last couple of books of the Serpentwar saga, and especially around the time he wrote the Riftwar Legacy trilogy, he was sorta writing on autopilot for the most part. I think what'd happened was that because this was around the time he was at the height of his popularity, editors were a little bit reluctant to say no to him on certain things. Chances are, his cowriters on this trilogy had an easier time with that because they were only going to be working with him for a year or so at the most.

The good news is that I remember the next trilogy in this ongoing saga, the Conclave of Shadows trilogy, being one of the best trilogies. Given some of the things I've misremembered or changed my mind about so far in this series, I do sorta worry that I'm about to discover he'd made some wonky narrative decisions in it that I thought were fine when I was sixteen but disagree strongly with at thirty.

[foreversecrets]

What Burrows in the Boroughs: 6

What Burrows in the Boroughs Masterlist

Rating: Mature

Summary: Riley was just a 25 year old working full time as a nanny to pay her expense of being a medical student when she meets Sarah Rogers and her very attractive father, her life takes some interesting turns after that.

Pairing: Mob Steve Rogers x OC

Status: Ongoing

Present

While Steve spends time with Sarah, Riley allows Wanda and Sam to dote on Alice. Using her time to eat some lunch and start looking for new houses. Nothing she finds matches what she knows both her and Steve want: privacy like their current home but the homes currently on the market are practically surrounded by other homes giving off a claustrophobic feel. 

When she voices her concern, it's Sam who offers the reminder. “It’s not just you guys that have to move. The Barnes’ family lives in one of the guest houses and we live in the other. Why don’t you and Steve just buy some land and our three households can design the layout together?”

“Where are we going to find that much land in Brooklyn?”

“Does it have to be Booklyn?” Wanda asks as she shifts Alice, her arms tired but the adorable bundle worth every discomfort. 

“Steve loves me, but I know that he’d ever agree to leave Brooklyn.” Riley joked.

“He would if it meant you guys were safe. Hell it might even be better not to stay in Brooklyn for security reasons.” Sam pointed out before continuing. “And if we can find enough land, we can build more houses for the crew.”

“Alright, now you’re getting wild,” Wanda laughs, reigning in her husband. “I have a friend in real estate, I’ll give you her information. She’ll know exactly what you’re looking for.”

“I’ve found a couple I adore but they’ve already closed.” Riley huffed, dropping her phone in her lap.

“Did you forget who Steve is?” Sam laughed. “Nothing is unavailable to the Captain.”

How could she forget? She internally rolled her eyes. It seemed like everything about her life was now a reminder. Was it weird that his illicit dealings didn’t bother her? Then again the day she found out about his career she’d been dealing with a bigger problem and just never addressed the matter again. She’d even decided to participate by being an on call medic for them. 

“Sam, be honest with me please,” her voice is low, almost fearful. “How bad is it going to get?” she watched Sam and Wanda share a look, probably debating telling Riley. It's a little too late for her to back out on a life with Steve now, not like she could will herself not to love him or Alice not to be his kid.

“The last time something like this happened a whole burrough was wiped out before they got Hydra beat back.” Sam admitted. 

“Would it be safer for me to get the girls out of the state until this is resolved? My sister and mom are still in California.”

“Yeah it’d probably be safer for the three of you but it would make everything else harder and more dangerous for the rest of us.” 

“Steve’s the man with the plan, the further his family is from him the more time he is going to spend worrying about you instead of planning and handling the situation.” Wanda explains.

“So we stay.”

“Tony offered to put the displaced Commandos up in the Tower for now.” Sam recalled.

“His AI system is remarkable, would really help white I adjust to life with two kids,” Riley pondered aloud. “But I still have to talk to Steve, we make these decisions together.”

“Him and Sarah should be back soon.” Just as Wanda said that the door opened, they were all expecting Steve. So when it wasn’t, Sam and Wanda wiped out their weapons, Wanda using her body to keep Alice from view. 

“I’m here to make sure-”

“I told you if I ever saw you again, I’d let Steve kill you.” Riley growls at the familiar figure standing in the doorway of her hospital room.

“I have information that can help you!”  As soon as the woman raised her voice Sam had her pinned to the wall, Wanda handing Alice carefully over to Riley to better position herself in front of her friend and goddaughter. 

But Audrey continued, “Hydra wasn’t targeting you. Pierce plans to gather all the kids; Morgan Stark, Sarah and Alice Rogers, Joshua Odinson, Taylor and Dakota Laufeyson, and Paxton Wilson.”

Wanda’s eyes shifted from stern to concerned as she heard her own toddlers name, Sam didn’t take his eyes off of Audrey but the tension immediately brought a stiffness to his posture. Riley retrieved her discarded phone and texted Steve to come back ASAP. It only took ten minutes for him to arrive and assess the situation; Audrey bound and seated on the ground with Riley cradling his newborn across the room in the window seat. His friends and colleagues are a human wall between his family and the unwelcome addition. Steve reacted by picking Sarah up and going to stand beside Riley softly inquiring about the events he’d missed. 

“Hydra plans to cripple all the Boroughs by destroying the families. They don’t want Queens anymore, they want all of New York.”

Gone is the doting father and partner Riley was so used to seeing from Steve, in his place was the hardened, unreadable Captain. “They aren’t touching any of the families.”

“Pierce’s plan was the attack on your estate to gather the families at Stark Tower. He plans to demolish the building, he already has the explosives set and men staking out for confirmation, all the key players have tucked tail there.”

“Sam, take her to Stark, Nat and Buck are already in Manhattan, they’ll meet you there,” Steve waited until Sam and Audrey were out of the room before turning to Wanda. “Reach out to the fathers, coordinate with them to relocate to the compound upstate then get yourself and Paxton there. As soon as Riley and Alice are discharged we’ll be heading that way. Our new friends arrived this morning, we’ll meet tonight. Please find somewhere suitable for those discussions.” 

Wanda nodded, leaving the Rogers family with hugs.

“What’s the compound?” Riley asked Steve once they were the lone adults.

“An old off the radar facility, it used to be the headquarters for the Avengers-before disagreements had them breaking into their own factions. Stark’s been renovating the past two years in case we needed it.” Steve begins packing their things as he continues on. “It’s the safest place in all of New York and Hydra believes it no longer exists.”

It's only once they receive the discharge paperwork and the family of four are loaded into Steve’s sedan that Riley takes the hand he doesn’t have on the wheel and speaks, “This is really happening then?”

He nods, “Everythings going to be okay. We’ve had almost 3 years to plan.”

Riley’s smile is genuine when he looks at her. His girl has absolute faith and trust in him and his abilities. He only hopes it’s not misplaced.

2 Years Ago (ish)

“Sweetheart, everything looks amazing!” Steve praised as he entered the backyard.

“I picked out the fairy lights!” Sarah excitedly states, jumping into her fathers arms. 

“They look beautiful,” he smiles, placing a sloppy wet kiss on her cheek before wiping his lips and placing a gentle kiss to Riley’s.

“You mentioned wanting to barbecue yourself so Natasha helped me pick up your favorites and the proper seasonings.” Riley did one more once over of the prepped yard before kissing him again. “I’m going to run home and shower. The Reynolds are going to be a little late but I’ll have Becca with me.”

Steve looked at his watch, “parties in about two hours, don’t be late. It's a bad look for the host.” he teases. 

“You’re a host as well,” she giggled before turning to Sarah. “Make sure you get daddy dressed appropriately before he starts the grill.”

“Yes ma’am,” Sarah gives her a playful salute, moving from her dad’s arms to hug Riley’s legs looking up at her with a goofy smile. “Hurray back!” Riley leaned down to hug her properly which gave Sarah the opportunity to speak into Riley’s shoulder. “I love you Riley.”

Riley’s eyes shot to Steve’s, his were watering with happiness at his little girl's admission. Steve hadn’t even said those words yet, despite them already being an accurate description for how he felt towards Riley himself. He wanted things to move at Riley’s pace to ensure it was one she was comfortable with. But he’d warned Riley, no matter how he felt towards her, he’d never continue to pursue this relationship if his daughter was against it. Now she was being the bravest of the three in her confession. Steve nodded to Riley, letting her know he was okay with what had been said and she was free to respond in whatever way she believed was best.

“I love you too, Sarah.” Riley’s voice cracked a little breathless, the happiness in her eyes proof enough to Steve his girlfriend did truly love his daughter. Riley squeezed Sarah a little tighter for a second before breaking away so the little girl could run inside and up to her fathers closet. Riley moved into Steve’s arms, burying her face in his chest to contain her giddiness. Steve held her tightly, hiding his own smile in her hair.

“I guess I should start looking at rings,” he joked.

Riley pulled back and playfully smacked at his chest, “It’s only been six months, besides you're still married.”

“Doesn’t matter,” he kissed her temple. “I’m going to marry you one day because my daughter isn't the only Rogers who's in love with you.”

“Steve I-”

“Nope, you gotta go get ready.” He gently nudged her towards the back fence that led to the driveway out front.

📳

Meeting Steve’s friends brought forth an unnecessary anxiety within Riley, she didn’t really need their approval (especially after earning Sarah’s) but she really wanted it. She couldn’t bear the thought of any of Steve’s friends not liking her and the inevitable choice he’d be faced with at some point: her of them. Her outfit was casual, just dressy enough to leave an impression but not enough to go overboard. Something easy to change in and out of in the event she had to wrangle the kids in the pool too. 

She had the upper hand for all of two seconds when Natasha and her husband, over the past several months Nat and her had become friends. With all the help the redhead had been dealing with the stalking incident they had plenty of time to get to know one another so the smile on Riley’s lips when Natasha entered the backyard was genuine. Only faltering a little when she turned to Steve’s best friend-the man whose opinion mattered to Steve almost as much as Sarah’s did. His cold blue eyes glared at her, his lips tilted slightly in an almost frown as she offered her hand during the introduction. 

“Steve speaks very highly of you,” Riley started trying not to let herself be affected by the sternness of Bucky. “But Nat has a more playful description of your character.” Steve and Nat chuckled at her joke but Bucky’s lips only curled into a sneer.

“Funny, Steve barely mentions you.” his tone was harsh as he brushed past Riley. Her sensitive heart clenched as Nat rushed after him with an annoyed look now. What could she have already done to make Bucky dislike her? She was panicking, her anxiety sending her into a near attack. 

“Babydoll, hey don’t mind Buck, he’s a jerk sometimes.” Steve kneeled slightly so they were face to face. 

“What did I do?” her lip quivered a bit. 

“Nothing, sweetheart. Buck’s just pissed off he wasn’t the first to find out about you and he’s a little bitter about my dating life. My ex left a foul taste in his mouth.”

“I’d never hurt you like-”

“I know the baby doll, but he doesn’t not yet. Just give him time and he will discover how incredible you are.” 

Before anything else could be said Sam and Wanda Wilson arrived, their introductions going so much better. As if the pair could sense the discomfort and felt the personal duty to ease them. Sam easily pulled a smile out of Riley and Wanda quickly endearing herself to Riley. Steve let out a breath and relaxed as his girl was pulled away by Wanda. 

“Thanks man,” Steve clapped Sam on the shoulder.

“Buck give her the fifth degree?”

“Couldn’t wait to escape her is more like it, snapped at her first.” Steve shook his head. “I knew he’d be protective but I didn’t expect his disrespect, I told Riley to give him time to get to know her but I need to ask him to tone it down. He nearly sent her into a panic attack and I really need her to be relaxed for tonight.”

“You got a plan?” 

“Yeah, Nat is handling it.”

It was only about 30 minutes later when the party was in full swing. Riley had met so many new people she couldn’t possibly remember all the names. A few people stood out; Wanda who she instantly connected with both of them with being similar people with nurturing personalities, Bucky who seemed determined to use his stare to cause her to die of a heart attack, and Tony Stark who refused to not be the center of attention. For the most part the night was going great and she was starting to feel more at ease, especially when she noticed Audrey arriving. 

“Audrey!” she cheered happily rushing over to wrap her best friend in a hug welcoming her before pulling her over to Steve who was prepping the grill. “Audrey this is my boyfriend Steve, Steve this is Audrey.” Riley broke physical contact with Audrey as Steve pulled her into a embrace-her back to his chest with his hands on either of her shoulders.  

“Nice to meet you,” Audrey offered her hand hiding her dislike but Steve wasn’t so subtle when his cold blue eyes met hers, she could clearly read the message: ‘She’s mine and I know who you are.’ 

Before Steve could respond the little footsteps broke Riley from Steve’s arms as she bent down to catch Sarah in her arms and place the little girl on her hip. “And this is Steve’s daughter, Sarah.” Riley pushed Sarah’s escaped hair out of her face. “Sarah, this is my best friend, Audrey.”

Steve sneered at the title Riley was using for the woman who was ultimately the cause for all her stress. Sarah, is a normally outgoing sweet kid, curled into his girlfriend-hiding her face from Audrey. His hard exterior flickering as he looked at the discomfort of his kid, he already hated Audrey for what she was doing to Riley but now she was making his daughter upset. If Audrey was just a Hydra agent he could’ve overlooked that but the stalking, the photography and videos, and now this. He wanted this woman gone-yesterday. 

“My apologies for my daughter, she’s not usually shy.” Steve reached over taking Sarah from Riley’s arms. Riley’s eyes trained on the little girl, concerned with Sarah over introductions. 

“Riley, Steve, I need you for a moment.” Nat came over. “Sarah, go find uncle Bucky.”

Steve set his daughter down who couldn’t get away from the treacherous woman fast enough. Steve gave Audrey a false apologetic look as the three of them retreated to the kitchen. He should be paying attention while Natasha explains the carefully crafted excuse they came up with to convince Riley to use her old phone and call the number but his heart was already hurting. Even before he learned about Audrey’s true identity, Riley mostly spoke fondly of her friend and how she knew him and her would get along. Once he learned the truth, he was angry on her behalf. 

“Steve, will you do it?” The waiver in Riley’s voice breaks Steve from the plans he is forming to cheer her up once the party is over. She is afraid, of course she is, who would be with discovering and confronting their stalker?

He takes the phone from her but doesn’t hit the call button just yet, he titles her chin up so their eyes meet. “I promise I will keep you safe. Learning who the culprit is will make that so much easier.” She nods and then hits the button just as Audrey enters.

“Hey Ry, they are out of-” Audrey's sentence is stopped as a generic ringtone plays from her pocket. Riley’s eyes are trained on her best friend as she pulls out a phone she’s never seen her with before and she answers the phone, her voice echoing from the speaker from Riley’s own phone. The whole room goes silent as Audrey meets Riley’s eyes and knows that Riley knows. “I can-”

“Give me the phone,” Steve has never heard Riley sound simultaneously deadly and emotionless at the same time. 

“I was trying-”

“Give. Me. The. Phone.”

She does, sealing her fate. Riley first pulls up the text chains seeing all the poetry, photos, and misguided love messages. Then she goes to the photo library and scrolls endlessly, tears of anger and betrayal blurring her vision until she drops the phone from her trembling hands. Betrayal is too mild a term to describe how Riley feels in this moment, learning that one of the people she trusted most in her life was the one intentionally hurting her the most. Audrey attempts to step forward but Steve places himself half in front of Riley, warding off the Hydra bitch. 

“I was trying to get you away from him!” Audrey snarls her defense.

“Clearly,” Riley gives a humorless chuckle trying to swipe away her tears but fresh ones take their place. There is no doubt in her mind what those intimate photos of herself on Audrey’s phone have been used for before this stalker situation.

“Not like that-I care about you, I do but this was about keeping you safe. Riley he’s a m-”

“Enough!” Steve barks, his raised tone triggering his crew lurking in the shadows to make themselves known but their weapons not yet drawn. 

“No, she should know the danger you’ll bring to her!” 

“Danger! The only person who made me afraid of my own skin is you! The paranoia I’ve been living with-I cried my eyes out to you about how this stalker was affecting my life and it was you the whole time!” 

“Riley, he’s a mob boss!” Audrey blurts.

Everyone descends now that the cat is out of the bag, weapons drawn but no one making a move as all eyes fall to Riley. If she is affected by the discovery she hides it well, even Steve is unsure what to do or say now. While everyone else in the room seems unsure what to do, Riley’s despair turns to full on rage.

“Were you hoping that would change things?” her voice is trembling with each word as she seethes. “Was that the excuse you used to justify your deeds? Some of those pictures were taken before I even met you Audrey, two years before I even met Steve.”

“He kills people! He is a criminal!”

“This isn’t about Steve, this is about you.” Riley approaches Audrey each step more sure than the last until she is standing before her. “But if besmirching him matters so much to you know this: it doesn’t fucking matter what he does for a living, and do you know why?” Riley glares, waiting for Audrey to answer but Audrey's heart breaking in the moment prevents speech from slipping past her lips, even when she moves her lips to speak. “Because even with his chosen career path, he has never intentionally hurt me. He have never manipulated me, invaded my privacy in the most depraved form, betray my trust in such an unforgivable manner, never terrorized me to the point of barely functioning. In all this turmoil, he has been my sanity. In my every discomfort no matter the size of it, his one desire has been to ease anything in anyform.”

“You’re not angry?” an awed whisper slips from Steve’s lips but Riley ignores him, her eyes completely focused on Steve.

“Did you think confessing to me that Steve was the infamous Captain of the Howling Commandos would change my mind?” Riley laughs picking up the dropped phone and thrusting it back into Audrey’s hand. The other woman silently weeping now as she shatters before her best friend, the woman she’s loved for many years now. “Nothing you can say will change that fact that I’m in love with Steve and if I ever see you again I will let Steve kill you.”

With that Riley slips upstairs to Steve’s room leaving Audrey face to face with the Howling Commandos. 

“Out of respect for my girl and the friendship you shared, I am giving you my oath you will leave here tonight untouched but if I ever see you near my men or my family again-you will wish for a quick death.” 

[just-my-type-x]

From enemies to lovers- Dylan O'brien

In which y/n doesn't really get along with her co-star, Dylan

Disclaimer - very long, I'm sorry, smut (it was my first time writing it, please be gentle, I'm sensitive to criticism), curse words

Italics - acting

Gif not mine

It was amazing working on Teen Wolf with all the people involved. I made great friends here and a new family was formed. Even tho i came in this show at once with Cody, who plays Theo, because i play his love interest, i feel like I've been playing this show since the beginning, since they all greeted us with such warmth. At first, obviously, i was pretty close to Cody since we were both the "new ones". We weren't actually new, because we've all seen movies of one another, it was just weird to get in the middle of a on going show and act like everyone is already your friend. After a few days, we all grew close to each other. Maybe all except for one.

Dylan and i don't get along at all. It's not like something had happened. I think it was just a mutual thing. When we first saw each other, it felt like a heavy rock above my head and ever since then i feel like he is the most arrogant person I've ever met. Holland was the first one to notice something was off with us and yet, when she asked us why, neither of us could give her an answer.

"Hey, watch out!", i yell towards Dylan as my football ball flies too high and almost reaches his head

"If you don't know how to play, leave it", he yelled back and left the ball to fall a bit further from where he was standing, leaving the trailer parking lot to the set

"Asshole", i say under my breath and make Tyler Posey and Hoechlin laugh. I smirk as well and wait for Posey to pick up the ball so we could continue playing

"Don't bother, nothing's gonna change between you two." he says as he throws the ball to Tyler

"Yeah i can see that. I mean, i saved his life and he's still an asshole", i catch the ball and keep it in my arms. "I tried to be nice the whole week.",i throw the ball to Posey, who catches it immediately and copies my hold of the ball

"You mean you were nice when you yelled at him at lunch that the last piece of banana bread was yours and when he ate you, you drank his whole vitamin water that he actually needed?"

"Or when he was on set and he had a really serious scene and you came up with the idea to go amd scare him along with Shelley? By the way, i liked those masks", H laughed and I tried to process the fact that i may have not been that nice after all.

"Ok, yeah, maybe you're right. I'll think of something. We're already on our 5 last episodes, i don't want to end this season with us still fighting over God knows what", i nervously bite my lip and put the ball next to a trailer after Samantha, Jeff's assistant tells us to head on set for filming.

"So, i have a slight change in this episode. It is last minute, i know, but i also know this 4 of you who are involved in the change can memorise new lines in half an hour. So, three of the actors who should've played this scene cannot make it here for this episode, i also changed some lines for tomorrow, since we're greeting them later that day. Now, i need Dylan O'brien, Susan, Cody and y/n to step forward. These are the new lines. Long story short, y/n, you and Stiles have to get something from Natalie Martin's office, but you can't get caught by her. As a distraction, since you're teenagers, you will act like the both of you didn't find another room to-"

"You want us to have sex in the office?", Dylan asks, frowned, holding the page of the new scenario

"No, not really. The idea is: y/n is on the desk, you're between her legs and you're kissing, but when you hear the door opening, you're going to put your hand under her skirt so it would look like an ongoing thing", Jeff says and i laugh, looking towards Dylan. He looks back and i shrug my shoulders, and his frown disappears. Dylan nods and tells Jeff that he understood the new assignment. We all took a 30 minute reading session, trying to memorise the new lines. Not gonna lie, the scene lools hilarious and it's much better than the drama that was supposed to happen.

After those 30 minutes expired, i went to the dressing room with Shelley, as she wanted to pick me an outfit, which made Krista, our "designer" a little mad. She chose a black short and loose skirt, which easily highlighted my round bum and defined my waist. As a top, Shelley chose a white, short and tight V-neck t-shirt, that stops right above my belly button. I took a pair of white AF1 and headed back on set, where the guys and Susan were already ready for shooting. Cody smirked when he saw me and i blushed, but i cheekily waved a hand through my hair, like a little diva. I always liked his flirty side and i always answered to it the same way. I guess this is how we got so close. Susan came next to me and put her hand on my back, saying that i look really beautiful and that she would kill to have my age to wear an outfit like this.

I looked at Dylan who was checking me out, head to toe and toe to head. He rested his chin on his hand and sticked his tongue out to water his lips. I blushed and moved my head in another direction, so he wouldn't see that i noticed what he was doing.

"Please go back to your seats", Jeff yells from his chair and Dylan and I go to the beginning of the hallway.

"Try to survive next to me, will ya?", i make fun of him but his answer is cut off by Jeff yelling "action"

"Where do you think it is?", i turn my head to Stiles and dodge a freshman on the hallway

"You mean where is the list that contains the seven deadly werewolves known in Beacon Hills?", Stiles asks sarcastically as ever and i roll my eyes before i stop in the middle of the hallway, other teenagers passing by

"No, the list with the seven deadly sins. Of course that one, dumbass", i sarcastically answer and add a little extra with the dumbass, which Dylan answers to by giving me an annoyed look. I hold back a smile and continue walking with him, until we reach Natalie's office door.

"Didn't Lydia mention something about her mom doing a lot of research lately? You know, like the most known witches, or if vampires are real, type of stuff?", i ask and i come a little closer to Stiles, so i could talk to him without being heard by other people." I know it's illegal, but"

"Oh, my God no!", Stiles stops me before i finish my idea. "we're not breaking in. I saw my dad way too many times this week. Only at school", he throws his hands everywhere and i dodge one of his hands that almost hit me, which I'm not sure was on purpose or not.

"No, silly. We're not breaking in. Because... I have a copy of that key"

"You have what?", he asks in disbelief and even tho it's just acting, i find him really cute

"Yeah well, you know how Malia was failing her exams last semester?", i waited for him to nod so i could continue, "i made a copy of that key so i could go inside and change some of her grades on Natalie's computer.", i bite my lip, as scripted and Dylan stares at my lips, stuttering for a moment. I try not to smirk so i fake scratching my cheek, so i could hide my reaction.

"Wow, you're such a devoted friend. You know, in return, she would want to eat you"

"It would be my pleasure", i snap back and give Stiles the books i had in my arms so i could find the key to the office. Once i find it, i quickly unlock the door and enter when nobody seems to be paying attention.

"Oh wow we really did that. Lydia's going to kill us. Or maybe just you, she likes me", Stiles says as he's already searching for the piece of paper.

"Keep saying that to yourself Stilinski", i laugh and help him with the stack of papers from her desk.

We quickly go through hundreds of papers, until i finally reach for the one.

"I got it!", i happily raise it in the air and we both freak out when we see through the window from the door that Natalie is approaching fast.

"That's not good. Here, i know", Stiles says and starts to throw on the floor some papers, ignoring my desperate voice. "Sit here", he demands and i jump on the desk and he comes in between my legs. I shiver when his hands get on my lower back, but they're so back that he actually touches my ass. I blush at the sudden close space between us and I'm taken aback by his lips, that crush hungrily on mine. As i remember, this desire of kissing me wasn't in the script. I take a moment to realise how soft his lips are and what a great kisser he is. Stiles moves his hands on my thighs, dragging me on the desk so i could be closer to him. I moan softly when i reach him, my inner thighs touching his waist. The moment is perfect for him to stick hia tongue in my mouth and i take it happily. Stiles let's out a breath when my tongue is fighting for dominance with his. He pulls away, making me ache at the sudden stop. We make eye contact and i know it's his way of asking if it's ok for him to put his hand in between my thighs. I blink once and he gets the message, and he starts sliding his fingers under my skirt, very close to my area, and starts kissing my neck in the same time. Stiles places a few wet kisses on all my sweet spots, which causes goosebumps all over my body. He slightly touches my inner thigh with his index finger, looking deep into my eyes, before crashing his lips against mine again, more passionately than before. He wastes no time in using his tongue now, thing that makes me go crazy and i involuntarily drag him by the collar of his shirt and make him lean over the desk. The door shuts open and Natalie is there, shocked, looking how we're making out on her desk. We both stop and try to act surprised and shocked.

"What are you two doing here? For the love of God, Maya, get down", Natalie asks and crosses her arms at her chest

"We're sorry, we were just trying to find a spot", Stiles scratches the back of his neck and i look from him to her and from her to him

"How did you even get in here?"

"Oh, it was unlocked. That's why we used it", i say eagerly and motion to the door so Stiles could get the idea of leaving. We're sorry, again "

"Weren't you dating that guy? The new guy? Raeken?", she asks and i palm my forehead, oh yeah, one little forgotten detail

"Please don't tell him", i say with a high pitched voice, which makes her roll her eyes. She closes the door and we hear her wondering how long will it take her to get all the papers on the desk.

As we get further from the office, Stiles takes the list out and we start checking it out. Before we take a right on the hallway, Theo appears and grabs Stiles by the collar.

"Why were you kissing my girlfriend?", he asks angrily and i try to make him to let go of stiles

"Did your chimera senses tell you that? Or the toxic relationship you two have?"

"I can kill you right now and i don't have to be a chimera to do it", Theo says and slams Stiles on the lockers, freeing him

"Babe, that's enough, we got the list", i say and Jeff yells "cut". We immediately relax amd Cody apologises to Dylan for hitting him.

"Hey", Dylan approaches me at my trailer, as i was inhaling the midnight fresh air, trying to clear my thoughts

"What are you doing here?", i ask surprised

"I live 2 trailers aways, is that really a question?", we both laugh slightly and look at each other for a few moments. "It was nice today"

I tense when i hear him say that and i feel a sudden change of temperature.

"Yeah, it was. I appreciated your little 'ask', before you went in between my legs", i laugh and i immediately blush. And i think he did too

"Don't make it sound so outrageous", Dylan laughs and looks at me, checking for a certain reaction. "I'm sorry for being a jerk. I'm just.. I don't know. You came along and I'm in this weird place, relationship wise, and i knew i would fall in love with you. I tried to be as far away from you as possible.. I just got out of a long-term relationship and having you around made things complicated. Oh my Gosh it's so hard explaining ", he rambles a lot and arranges his hair nervously.

"Breath, and then continue. Take it slowly", i assure him and i put my hand on his knee

"I've seen you in every movie you ever starred in. You've been my celebrity crush for a while now and seeing you here makes me fall in love with you. And i don't think I'm ready for that. I know you're going to say that maybe we wouldn't even have gotten to that point, but i know i would've had. I know that at some point i would've taken you out on a date, i would develope feelings, maybe you too for me, but i would've ended everything because I didn't feel prepared. ", he inhales deeply and all i do is grab his face and kiss him hard.

Dylan is taken by surprise, but kisses me back instantly and slides his tongue in my mouth. I moan at the soft feeling and i deepen the kiss as well. I motion him to stand up amd he does so. I follow him and we get inside my trailer, where he quickly finds the bed and sits on it. He grabs my waist and pulls me on his lap. I obey immediately and as i sit down on him, i take off my t-shirt. He gasps when he sees my pastel pink lace bra, and immediately starts kissing my breasts. I moan loudly when he starts kissing on my collar bone and neck. Itake off his t-shirt and i push him on the bed, as i start kissing and biting on his soft neck skin.

"So you're fine with everything?", he asks breathing heavily

"More that fine", i say as i leave a trail kf kisses on his abs. I get to his pants and start undoing them, but as I'm about to pull the down, his hand reaches my chin and he motions it up so i could see him

"No, don't do that. I want you now, y/n."

I gasp when i hear his words and he starts kissing me again. His lips feel so amazing on mine, the years of experience on the screen showing their perks. He bites my lip softly and i get on top of him, rocking my hips on his hard member. He moves his hands on my ass and i smile into the kiss when he squeezes them.

"Just like that babe", i moan loudly at his words and melt in his embrace. Dylan grabs me and switches positions. He's on top of me, quickly taking off my skirt and he also takes care of his jeans. "Fuck, you look amazing"

"Am i good enough to get fucked good enough?", i ask innocently and Dylan's pupils dilated

"You're not gonna be able to walk tomorrow. This is how good you are and look", he quickly takes of my panties and i take off my bra. He gasps at the sight of my naked body and i bite my lip.

"Your turn", i smile and i look down at his boxers, his length being well shaped by the tight boxers. He was right when he said I won't walk the next day.

Dylan takes his boxers off painfully slow, but i have time to adjust my sight to the sight of his dick. He chuckles, realising how surprised i am.

"Do you mind of you go slowly? It's been a while", i plead, making eye contact with him. The lust in his eyes was undeniable and i was melting under him. I needed him. He kissed me shorty

"Of course. Tell me what you want or need. I'm gonna give you that", Dylan kisses my neck while he positions himself at my entering. He runs a finger between my folds, making me squirm under his touch at the sudden action. "Babe, you're so ready to take me". My eyes widen at his words, and i get turned on even more.

"Dylan, please", i plead again and a smile appears on his face

"Say my name again, babe"

"Dylan..", that's all it takes for him to put it in. The feeling of the bare skin makes us both moan loudly into each other's mouths and Dylan is eager to enter me all at once.

I gasp when he's half way in and he stops moving until i adjust to his width.

"Move", i say and he immediately resumes his entering. When he is fully in, he starts moving slowly, making both of us go crazy. As if he heard my thoughts, he takes it all out and puts is back in all at once, pounding in me. He grabs my hips and pins me onto the bed with his hands, as he is also holding himself up. "Fuck, right there", i say as he reaches the best angle to hit my g-spot.

"y/n, Gosh, you make me go so fucking crazy", Dylan moans in my ear. He stops and slips it out of me and he gives me a sign to turn around, on my all four. I position myself and he grabs my hips to get me closer to him. "You ready?", he assures and i nod. I grab the frame of the bed when he enters me nonchalantly. I hold onto it while the sound of our skin touching each other gets me closer and closer to the edge. "You're so wet for me", he moans and slaps one of my cheeks. As he said that, i really feel my juices coming down my inner thighs.

"Dylan, you're going to make me cum", i cry out as his length keeps finding its way deeper and deeper inside me. "Don't stop"

Dylan's grip on my hips tightens and i know I'll have bruises in the morning. His thrusts become sloppier and messy and i feel him harden inside me, signaling he's close too.

"I need you to fill me up", i moan as one hand chockes me, pulling my body closer to his chest. I start riding him from that position as well, our actions meeting in the middle, creating a much greater sensation

"I want you to drown me as you come for me babe", Dylan's voice is raspy, demanding. He moves one of my legs so they're creating a tighter spot for his dick. "Fuck, just like that. Oh yeah"

I rock my ass on his shaft as one of his hands is still around my neck and one is holding my breast. I lose it when his hand travels down my body and starts playing with my clit.

"Say my name, I'm so close babe"

As i hear his words, i feel myself getting to the edge.

"Dylan, baby.. Fuck, I'm cuming", my body starts shaking, making it impossible for my legs to still keep steady. "Dylan, please, i need you", i say as i drop back on tje bed and Dylan holds my ass up as he thrusts harder and harder in me. With a loud groan, i feel him cuming, his hot load driving me crazy. He collapses next to me, breathless and sweaty.

"i would've done the same on that desk", he says and we both laugh

"i think we should try it next time"

[veliseraptor]

closed fist, open hand

it’s still the 22nd where I am and happy birthday to my best boy xue yang, here is a fic from the if living can be this verse, songxue, for someone (forgetting who?? might’ve been @spockandawe​) featuring the ongoing journey of xue yang being very clueless about some things, sometimes.

it’s porn but it’s actually nice porn, so 👍

this will be on ao3 at some point in the relatively near future.

--

Song Lan was being very, very frustrating. Which, okay, not that surprising, but still annoying as fuck.

Xiao Xingchen and a-Qing were off doing something and going to be gone the whole fucking day, which meant Xue Yang was alone with Song Lan, and he was restless and itchy and it was a perfect opportunity to get Song Lan to rough him up. Really rough him up, in a fingers around his throat, bruises everywhere, feeling it tomorrow kind of way.

So he’d been doing his best all morning to get him nice and pissed off and all that he’d gotten was a long-suffering look and a sigh, or a dry is that necessary, or, once, eyes cast toward the ceiling like he was seeking help from the heavens.

It was starting to drive Xue Yang a little crazy.

Stewing, glaring at Song Lan where he was meditating in apparent peace, Xue Yang gave up. He tossed the pot he was washing as loudly as possible into the bucket of washwater and sauntered over, straddled him on his knees, put his hands on his shoulders, and said, dropping his voice a little and letting it slide, “fuck me up, gege.”

Song Lan took a quick, sharp breath and opened his eyes. Xue Yang grinned at him with all his teeth.

“Is that what you’ve been hinting at?” he asked after a pause. Xue Yang’s grin widened.

“Maybe,” he said. “Maybe I just like annoying the shit out of you, Zichen. Maybe a little of both. Going to do something about it?”

Song Lan’s eyes narrowed. Xue Yang cocked his head to the side.

“Hm,” Song Lan said, and then, “I could. But not here.”

Xue Yang straightened up. “Yeah?” he said eagerly. “That a promise?”

“Try me,” Song Lan said, his voice steady and even and the expression on his face entirely unreadable. Xue Yang’s heartbeat kicked up a notch and he leaned forward.

“I thought I already was,” he said, plastering a grin on again. Song Lan didn’t so much as blink.

“Not here,” he said again. “I’d be uncomfortable.”

A thrill went up Xue Yang’s spine. His eyes widened in delight and he planted his hands on Song Lan’s chest to push himself back, dismounting and standing up. Song Lan did the same, in stages, and then just stood there looking at him. The annoyance crept back in.

“Well?” he said. “Are you coming or–”

The motherfucker could move fast when he wanted to. And he was stupidly strong, and Xue Yang hadn’t been watching for it, and now he was over Song Lan’s shoulder like a sack of rice. He thrashed, or tried, and then Song Lan said, “if you kick me I’ll drop you and we’re done,” so he did, reluctantly, stop. There was nothing in biting range, either. At least it wasn’t that far.

“Where’re you gonna do it, huh,” he said. “Gonna shove my face into the wall and fuck me from behind, do you want me on my knees so you can fuck my face, are you gonna make it hurt, make me suffer–”

Song Lan’s stride hitched slightly, but only for a moment, and Xue Yang laughed.

“Oh,” he said. “You like that, huh? Too bad you don’t have a whip or you could mark up my back so bad it’d hurt to lie down for a week. Bet you could come up with something though if you wanted. Or there’s always–”

The air went out of his lungs with an oof when Song Lan half-dropped, half-tossed him onto the bed. Xue Yang looked up at him, pushing himself up on his elbows and grinning, his heart thudding hard at the base of his throat.

“You talk too much,” Song Lan said. Xue Yang laughed.

“You like it,” he said. “You’ve always liked it. Okay, maybe not as much as Xingchen but still.” He pushed himself further up to sitting. “Come on, Zichen,” he said. “You’re not done already, are you? I thought you were going to put me in my place.”

Song Lan’s eyes narrowed again, darkened slightly, and Xue Yang grinned again, then licked his lips with exaggerated relish.

Song Lan removed his belt. Xue Yang’s eyes snapped to it, his body heating up with eager anticipation. “Give me your hands,” Song Lan said, and Xue Yang paused but only for a moment before he held them out, wiggling his fingers.

“This feels familiar,” Xue Yang said brightly when Song Lan started binding his wrists together. Song Lan’s movements stuttered again, slightly, and he gave Xue Yang a hard look that made him falter, just a little.

“I’m just making sure you keep your hands to yourself,” Song Lan said after a moment. “And I don’t trust your self restraint.”

“That hurts, gege,” Xue Yang said. It felt a little strange, having his hands restrained like this. Not something he usually liked. Hadn’t gone well last time he’d tried it. But the little frisson up his spine wasn’t completely bad and he was here to get fucked up anyway so it didn’t matter that much. The belt didn’t even chafe like ropes would, and it wasn’t so tight he couldn’t wriggle out if he really tried.

“I’m sure it does,” Song Lan said, then hooked his fingers into the bindings and pushed Xue Yang down to his back, hard enough to push the air out of his lungs in a quiet oof. He blinked up at Song Lan as he climbed onto the bed over him, then laughed, stretching his torso, pushing up against Song Lan’s weight holding him down so he could feel the resistance of him holding him down. It felt good, the little mingled thrill of unease and hunger. Song Lan gave him a slow, considering look like he was trying to decide where to start taking him apart.

“What’re you waiting for?” Xue Yang asked. “I’m gonna start getting bored here. Lost your nerve, Song-daozhang?”

“No,” Song Lan said. Then, “remember, hands to yourself or I’ll just leave you here like this.”

Xue Yang let out an exaggerated gasp. “Song-daozhang! You wouldn’t,” he said.

“You’d deserve it,” Song Lan said ruthlessly, but he let go and Xue Yang kept his hands where they were. He was rewarded with one of Song Lan’s hands around his neck, palm pressed lightly against the ridge of his throat. His eyes half closed with a pleased sound but instead of pushing down Song Lan just drew his thumb lightly down the side of Xue Yang’s neck. And then again, and again, and when he tried to push up to chase more pressure Song Lan pulled away altogether. Xue Yang frowned at him.

“Are you going easy on me?” he said incredulously. “Come on, Song-daozhang, you know I can take it.”

“I know,” Song Lan said, and pulled his hand away. Xue Yang started to jerk up only for Song Lan to plant a hand in the center of his chest and push him firmly back down.

“Oh,” he said. “Okay, so it’s just that you can’t do it, I get it. Poor Zichen’s lost his nerve–”

“Hm,” Song Lan said, and then gave Xue Yang a very slight smile that cut off Xue Yang’s voice and sent a delightfully ominous shiver down his spine. His fingers curled but he set his jaw and gave Song Lan a bright and vicious grin.

“Prove me wrong,” he said. “Do your worst.”

Song Lan pulled back only far enough to take off Xue Yang’s belt and pull his robes open so he was just wearing pants and shirt even if Song Lan still had all his clothes. “You leaving those on?” Xue Yang asked, jerking his chin in his direction. “Gonna get them dirty? If you make me bleed on your robes I’m not washing them.”

“You’re not going to bleed,” Song Lan said calmly. Xue Yang laughed.

“Yeah,” he said. “Okay.” And because Song Lan wasn’t moving fast enough, he said, “hey, Zichen, did you ever think about doing this shit to Xiao Xingchen? Did you ever want to hurt him, put those nice strong fingers of yours around his neck and squeeze until he choked–”

Song Lan’s expression tightened, a flash of anger and something else too lighting up his eyes and Xue Yang took a quick breath, bracing himself, but then it faded away and he just cupped Xue Yang’s jaw with a gentleness that sent a shiver down his spine, his thumb brushing across Xue Yang’s lower lip. He tried to snap at his fingers, but that just meant Song Lan pulled his hand away completely which wasn’t what he wanted.

“If you want something you can just ask,” Song Lan told him. Xue Yang bared his teeth.

“Really?” he said. “You need me to give you all your ideas? Weak. You did just fine when you were splitting me open on my own fucking sword–”

Song Lan’s eyes went dark, and Xue Yang grinned at him. Then Song Lan moved, manhandling Xue Yang more onto the bed. He fought it more reflexively than anything, but also so he could feel the satisfying weight of Song Lan’s holding him in place, pinning him down. His cock was getting interested again, and finally Song Lan was close enough that he could arch his hips and rub against him. Song Lan ran his fingers into his hair but didn’t pull. He rocked down against Xue Yang and Xue Yang made a loud, pleased noise.

“That’s more like it,” he said.

“Mmm,” Song Lan said, and then murmured, “you’re doing very well,” and a funny shock shot through Xue Yang, jarring him sideways. Sweet enough to hurt, almost, and it should’ve sounded condescending, like he was mocking Xue Yang only it didn’t, not really. He opened up the last layer of clothes across Xue Yang’s chest so when he put one hand over Xue Yang’s hammering heart it was pressed against skin.

Xue Yang faked a yawn. His skin was prickling some kind of a warning. “You’re being boring,” he said. “You ever wonder if you could make me scream?”

“You’re loud enough as it is,” Song Lan said. His palms felt warm; he touched the scar under his collarbone like he hadn’t noticed it before. Xue Yang shivered, his nerves brightening.

“You should’ve seen it when it was fresh,” Xue Yang said. “Missed out, Song-daozhang.” Song Lan’s touch paused and he gave Xue Yang a quick look, not quite a frown. “There’s one on the back, too,” Xue Yang said. “Matches.”

Song Lan’s fingers lingered on the scar a moment longer, and Xue Yang flashed his teeth in a smile that felt a little uneasy, squirming restlessly. “If you want to break it open again you’re going to need more than your bare hands,” he said. “Though I’d kind of like to see you try.”

Song Lan shot him another one of those strange not-quite frowns and then shook himself.

“Why would I want to do that?” he said, apparently in genuine question, and Xue Yang had a moment of confusion before Song Lan’s hips pressed down against his, his robes enough out of the way that Xue Yang could feel his cock against his leg. He bucked like he would somehow be able to feel more of it that way.

“Are you gonna fuck me with that thing?” he asked. “Get it wet in my mouth and–” He felt the eager twitch of Song Lan’s cock and crowed gleefully. “Yeah,” he said. “Yeah, sounds good, right, you like it when I’m choking on your cock wedged in my throat–”

Song Lan put a hand over his mouth. “Be quiet,” he said, and Xue Yang was surprised enough that his voice died, and Song Lan smiled slightly. “Good,” he said, and Xue Yang had that feeling again like a kick in the chest. Xiao Xingchen could do that to him, did do that to him, but not Song Lan. He pulled his hand off Xue Yang’s mouth and said, “don’t rush me. I’m taking my time.”

A warning prickled at the back of Xue Yang’s brain, but it was a little fuzzy and he’d rather think about the slow rub of Song Lan’s body against his. Slow and sweet and before long he was squirming and gasping. Which Song Lan seemed to think was enough, that and his hands just petting Xue Yang’s face, his chest, his side. And every time Xue Yang tried to open his mouth Song Lan just covered it.

His body was starting to feel overworked, a little overloaded, and thoroughly confused. The one thing he was absolutely sure of was that he wanted more. He twisted, trying to wriggle his hips into a better position and gasping when Song Lan pressed down, the pressure exquisite even if on its own it wasn’t enough.

He bit Song Lan’s shoulder, hard. He heard Song Lan’s sharp inhale, the tensing of his body, only then he just said, “let go.”

Xue Yang bit down harder for a moment longer and then released him, giving Song Lan a bright, sharp grin that faltered when he saw the expression on Song Lan’s face. He didn’t look angry. Determined, and maybe a little amused, gaze intent.

“That’s it,” Song Lan said soothingly, the hand that wasn’t braced on the bed fanning out over his ribs. “That’s good.” Xue Yang quivered, the last of his smile dropping. An almost violent spasm rippling through his whole body, a small sound slipping out of his mouth before he could catch it. His hips bucked upwards and Song Lan’s pushed him back down, gentle but inexorable.

His head was spinning a little. “What,” he said, and then gathered himself and said, “aw, Zichen, you’re so sweet,” and reared up to bite him again, harder. Song Lan grunted and his fingers pressed into flesh - yes, better, Xue Yang thought a little wildly - but a moment later his touch softened again, eased.

Xue Yang let go of Song Lan’s shoulder, breathing hard, and stared up at Song Lan feeling profoundly off balance.

Song Lan’s hand moved up to brush his thumb over one of Xue Yang’s cheekbones, the faint scar left from Jin Guangyao’s attempt to have him killed. He felt his eyes go wide, his head tipping toward that touch.

“There,” Song Lan said. He sounded pleased. Xue Yang had no idea why. His heart was thudding very hard.

He squirmed. “Come on,” he said. “What’re you waiting for–”

“Nothing,” Song Lan said, sounding far too calm. “I’m doing exactly what I want to be doing.”

Xue Yang stared at him, confused, only then Song Lan dropped his hand from his face and palmed his cock gently through his underclothes and he just exhaled in a shuddery sigh. Arching up toward that pressure only to drop back down, panting.

“Don’t - fuck around,” he said, his voice stupidly thin. “You think you’re gonna make me beg for it, Zichen? Sorry, it’s gonna take more than that, I can barely–”

“You don’t have to beg,” Song Lan said smoothly. “I’m going to give it to you anyway.” He moved his hand in a slow circle, massaging Xue Yang’s cock and he let out an embarrassing sort of hiccup, body jumping up toward his hand which didn’t gain him any more force.

“You,” he said, short on breath. “You, you’re–”

“Why shouldn’t I?” Song Lan said. He sounded so calm, so steady. Like he wasn’t driving Xue Yang insane.

Xue Yang heaved an inhale that rushed out of his lungs a moment later. His eyes, for some reason, prickled, his hands twisting, tugging against Song Lan’s belt wound around his wrists. He felt like he was going to crawl out of his skin. He desperately wanted more.

“Motherfucker,” he said. “Fucking - is this all, is this the best you can do, I thought you said you were going to fuck me, fuck me up not–”

“You seem pretty undone to me,” Song Lan said, his voice almost smug. Xue Yang squirmed harder.

“Fuck you,” he said urgently. “Do you need me to, to - unh,” he broke off, when Song Lan put just a little more pressure on his increasingly needy cock.

“I know,” he said, almost soothingly. “But I didn’t want to hurt you.”

“Why not,” Xue Yang said, somewhere between plea and hiss. He wanted it to be the latter but it sort of came out the former anyway.

“Why should I?” Song Lan asked, like that wasn’t the stupidest question in the world, or at least that Xue Yang had heard today. He stopped moving and just stared blankly at Song Lan, who stared steadily back at him.He looked determined, unsmiling as usual, but something weird and - and soft in his eyes. Xue Yang’s heartbeat kicked up and he wanted to dig his teeth into that exposed underbelly and at the same time his instincts were screaming danger even though he didn’t have any clue why.

“Cause that’s just - how it goes.” His fingers curled into his palms. “You do want to, don’t be - Xiao Xingchen’s not here and I’m not gonna tell him or anything if you’re worried about him getting pissed at you or whatever–”

“I’m not worried about that,” Song Lan cut in. Xue Yang swallowed hard.

“Then the fuck game are you playing,” he said, his voice rough and strange, sort of uneven.

“For an unfortunately clever man you can be very stupid about some things,” Song Lan said, and slid one hand around the back of his neck and kissed him. Light and quick and not super interesting or anything but Song Lan hadn’t done that before. Oh, sure, Xue Yang had kissed him, usually to fuck with him a little but it didn’t go the other way around and not like that, for sure, not like he was - was fucking Xiao Xingchen or something–

His chest heaved with the loud, gasping breaths he could hear himself taking. His head was spinning and he felt a little like Song Lan had kicked his legs out from under him and he was having a hard time getting back up.

“What d’you want,” Xue Yang said desperately, words slurring together. Song Lan let out a little huff that wasn’t quite a laugh.

“Like I said,” he said. “You’re unfortunately clever. I expect you’ll figure it out. Eventually.”

Xue Yang started to snarl but it broke off into a moan when Song Lan shoved his thigh between Xue Yang’s legs. He ground desperately against it, unable to help himself. Arched his hips up chasing more only for Song Lan to pull away again.

“Fuck,” he said, almost despairing. “Fuck, are you gonna fuck me or not–”

“I know, I know,” Song Lan said, almost soothingly, and Xue Yang was going to kill him and at the same time sort of wanted to just let go and ride it, see where the fuck Song Lan was taking him. Finally, though, finally Song Lan moved to pull off Xue Yang’s pants. Xue Yang panted as fabric dragged over his sensitive cock, then inhaled sharply when Song Lan brushed his fingers against Xue Yang’s leg, making him jump. He wavered back and forth between a vague feeling of humiliation and exposure and sheer hunger.

Song Lan paused, sat back, and looked at him. Xue Yang groaned. “Don’t just–”

“You are,” Song Lan said, tone sort of considering, “very handsome.”

Xue Yang blinked, startled momentarily out of his haze of lust. That was clever and handsome both in a very short time and he didn’t quite know what to make of it other than that it felt good in a way he very much associated with Xiao Xingchen, warm and sweet. “Huh,” he said. Song Lan’s expression twitched a little and he leaned forward, kissing him again, a little more this time. Still light and almost shy but it had Xue Yang reeling anyway, not that he hadn’t been already.

Any chance he might’ve had at collecting his thoughts vanished when Song Lan took his cock in hand. Loose, barely touching him at all but Xue Yang still groaned and thrust into his grip. “Tighter,” he said, but Song Lan didn’t seem to hear him, or just ignored him, the fingers of his left hand slotting into the spaces between Xue Yang’s ribs.

“Relax,” Song Lan said, and Xue Yang’s breathing hitched in a mixture of terror and incredulity. “Just let me…”

His thumb rubbed against the underside of the head of Xue Yang’s cock and he let out a thoroughly pathetic whine. It felt like he was slipping again and he didn’t know what he was going to hit when he fell.

“Fuck you,” he said, though it came out thin and small. Xue Yang tried to rally, pull himself back together. “Is this - come on, I could go to sleep right now, are you gonna do something interesting or what?” his voice was goading, mean, or at least it was trying to be, but Song Lan didn’t seem impressed.

“Hm,” he said, and let go of Xue Yang’s cock again, grabbing his wrists instead and pressing them down. “You don’t seem that bored,” he said. He sounded sort of amused again and Xue Yang’s mouth opened and closed without any words like a stupid dying fish. He felt dazed. Stunned. Like Song Lan had banged his head against the floor a few times, or something.

“Hit me,” Xue Yang said.

“No,” Song Lan said.

“Please,” Xue Yang said, his voice cracking, and for the first time Song Lan’s expression fractured a little, betraying uncertainty, and Xue Yang would’ve dug his fingernails into it if he could’ve but he was too - everything was too–

“You don’t ask Xingchen,” Song Lan said, which didn’t make any sense at all. Xue Yang just stared at him, wild-eyed, because what did Xiao Xingchen have to do with this anyway, Xiao Xingchen wouldn’t do it but Song Lan would because Song Lan wanted to hurt him, always had, that was just, that was how–

He heard the crack before he registered the sting of it, his head snapping to the side. Fireworks went off behind his eyes and his mind went blank. Empty and quiet.

Fingers touched his jaw and pulled his eyes back to Song Lan’s face, who was looking at him with a strange expression. “That’s better,” he said, and it was half reassurance and half question.

“Yeah,” Xue Yang said blurrily. His face was still hot. His cock throbbed. He flexed his fingers to feel the bindings dig into his wrists which felt like it was one of the only things keeping him from just drifting off.

“I’m not your enemy,” Song Lan said. It sounded like he thought it was important, so Xue Yang nodded even if he didn’t feel like he really got why.

“Okay,” he said. And then, “do it again,” because the sting was starting to fade and he wanted it back.

“No,” Song Lan said, after a brief hesitation, and Xue Yang felt a brief flare of disappointment before it died away. He sighed, though, a little sadly. It felt like he might’ve come if Song Lan’d done it. Just from that. Probably not but it sort of felt like maybe.

“Let me...let me take care of you,” Song Lan said, and the words felt a little like small pieces of glass, cutting little stinging wounds. His head was all messed up. Coming only sort of seemed to matter.

“Fuck me,” he said, voice wobbly. “Do it dry, I don’t care–”

“No,” Song Lan said again, but then he had Xue Yang’s cock in his hand and his palm felt slick and warm even when he was as hot as he was. His hips rabbited up, trying to fuck himself with Song Lan’s hand, but his muscles all felt half-liquid, scrambled like his head.

It was okay. Song Lan did the work for him, the way he liked it, and by the time he spilled in pulses over his stomach and Song Lan’s hand he could’ve howled if his throat hadn’t locked up.

He felt limp, wrung out. Xue Yang blinked slowly, hazily.

“Xue Yang,” said Song Lan’s voice, quietly.

“Uh huh,” he managed to say in acknowledgment, though his brain was still mostly off somewhere else.

“What am I to you?”

Xue Yang tried to think about that but it was really very hard to think and he didn’t know a good answer. It felt like there was an answer he was supposed to have but he didn’t.

“Tired,” he said instead.

Song Lan sighed. “Yes,” he said, “I suppose you are.” He sounded sort of disappointed, which made Xue Yang frown a little. He tried to focus.

“You’re...Song Lan,” he said.

“Yes, Xue Yang,” Song Lan said after a pause. “That’s true.”

“You’re Xingchen’s,” Xue Yang tried again.

“I’m not,” Song Lan started to say, and then paused and amended, “I suppose you could put it that way.”

“And mine, sort of,” Xue Yang ventured, because he was feeling loose and sort of daring and he wanted to see what would happen. “Even if we’re. You know. Not friends, or whatever.”

He didn’t know what to make of the long quiet that followed. So long that he pried his eyes open to see if Song Lan was even still there. He was. He didn’t say anything, though, just got up and started untying Xue Yang. There was a little bit of a bruise-ache in his wrists but it felt good, unlike the weird shivery prickling crawling over his skin as things started to come back together.

“Don’t leave,” he objected, just in case Song Lan was thinking about it.

“All right,” Song Lan said, after looking at him for a while. “I won’t.” He sat down on the edge of the bed and Xue Yang squirmed until he could drop his head in his lap.

“D’you wanna fuck my face,” he said.

“No,” Song Lan said, and then added, “thank you,” which made Xue Yang giggle a little. He was giving Xue Yang a weird look again, but he did that a lot. Xue Yang’d gotten used to it.

“Okay,” he said, and closed his eyes without thinking about how safe he was, or wasn’t. He was asleep within heartbeats.

**

Xue Yang was fast asleep and snoring a little when Xingchen and a-Qing returned. Song Lan hadn’t moved. It wasn’t like he had that much to do, and Xue Yang’s head on his leg wasn’t uncomfortable. Xue Yang, for his part, looked very comfortable.

“I’m here, Xingchen,” he said quietly. He heard a-Qing mutter something, but Xingchen came in, looking a little quizzical. Song Lan sighed and said, “Xue Yang is sleeping. On me.”

Xingchen smiled with radiant fondness that made Song Lan’s chest hurt.

“Sleeping on you,” he said. “Well.”

“He tells me,” Song Lan said, with a little bit of despair, “that we’re ‘not friends, or whatever.’” He’d also said Song Lan was his, which he didn’t know how to take.

Xingchen’s expression flickered and fell, though he recovered quickly.

“It’s not true,” he said. Song Lan let his silence speak for him, and Xingchen said, “he fell asleep on you. And still is, now. Whether he knows it or not, that is a certain amount of trust.”

Maybe, Song Lan thought, but I would like him to know it.

“He’ll get there, Zichen,” Xingchen said soothingly.

Maybe, Song Lan thought again. But he was also thinking about the flushed red of Xue Yang’s cheek after he’d hit him, and the exhilaration of doing it, the sharp stabbing hunger, and he had to wonder if, deep down, Xue Yang was right about him after all.

[makeste]

save no matter what.

so this is going to ultimately be a post about Deku. however, if you’ll be so kind as to indulge me, I would like to start things off by making a point about Bakugou. specifically, I’d like to point out that back in the day before this kid got Character Development no Jutsu’d, people weren’t always so inclined to view his attitude towards winning in the best light. which is a nice way of saying that he came off as unhealthily obsessed, not to mention more than a little unhinged.

sorry for the image spam btw, I just think they’re funny. he’s so demented lmao. KILL DIE CRUSH.

anyway so we’re gonna do the rest of this below a cut before it gets long. but I promise it really is a Deku post lol. don’t let the pre-readmore stuff fool you. I PROMISE THERE IS A POINT, AND WE WILL GET TO IT.

anyway! so yeah, we really didn’t have the best impression of Bakugou’s whole winning fixation at the beginning there. and I mean, it’s not like we had the best impression of Bakugou himself at the start of things either. we were already primed from the very first chapter to see this kid as an adversary to Izuku. the story goes out of its way to paint him in pretty much the worst light possible. which is why what happens next is so interesting.

because one might see all this and think, “holy heck, this kid is off the shits, somebody needs to set him straight pronto and get it into his head that winning isn’t everything.” because that’s almost the natural conclusion to draw. “look at this kid, he doesn’t care about helping other people at all, all he cares about is winning, someone needs to come along and show him that he’s got it backwards.”

except that’s not what happens, is it? because this is where, much to my delight, Horikoshi came along and started subverting expectations. because not only is Katsuki not rebuked for being so obsessed with winning -- it’s pretty much the exact opposite.

the one and only time Deku ever straight up hands Katsuki’s ass to him is when he says he doesn’t want to win. Deku is IMMEDIATELY all, “THE FUCK KIND OF BULLSHIT DID I JUST HEAR OUT OF YOUR TRASH MOUTH,” and that’s when he sets him straight.

the important people in Katsuki’s life never tell him, “hey you need to cool it with the whole winning thing.” All Might and Aizawa never scold him for it, or tell him that he shouldn’t try with everything he has to win, or that wanting to win is a bad thing. on the contrary, they both commend him for it. and ultimately, he’s told by All Might that this desire is actually one of the two fundamental qualities that every great hero needs.

he completely turns the whole thing on its head. not only is it not a bad thing, it’s actually crucial. essential. because what the desire to win really is, at its core, is tenacity. it’s the fiercest kind of determination. it’s not something he should be ashamed of; it’s something that sets him apart, something that makes him worthy. he is someone who refuses to back down no matter what. refuses to give up, no matter what. and this quality, which is initially misunderstood by some to the point where even the villains mistakenly take him for one of their own in the making, is eventually validated to the fullest degree by the person that Katsuki looks up to the most. his desire to win goes from being this awkward “son wtf are you doing” thing to being one of the core philosophies of the series. and ever since then, we pretty much don’t question it.

so why do I bring this up now? well, the answer to that can basically be summed up in one word.

“parallels.”

so here’s the thing. there’s been a lot of talk lately about Deku’s ridiculous, reckless, and absurdly self-destructive desire to save others while having little to no regard for himself. currently he’s lying in a hospital bed, having broken approximately 218 out of the 206 bones in his little hero body (yes, somewhere along the way he found an additional dozen bones to break). it is worrying. it is Concerning. and it’s raised a lot of questions, such as “???” and “wtf is this idiot doing.”

and a lot of people have been pretty critical of him! this is, of course, an ongoing thing with this child, and people have been giving him grief over it going as far back as chapter 6.

while others have been bothered by it going even further back than that.

and I’ve seen these sentiments being echoed pretty frequently in the fandom as well. and there are basically two talking points that I want to address here. the first is the idea that Deku’s aggressive brand of selflessness stems from an inherent lack of self-worth. in other words, because he prioritizes other people’s safety and well-being above his own, and is willing to go to such drastic lengths to save them, there’s this feeling that he doesn’t value himself enough, that he must not care about himself.

but I don’t think that’s quite it. let’s go back to those parallels first, though. let’s take another look at Kacchan.

what I mainly want to call attention to is the intensity here. again, it’s something that at first strikes most readers as being absurdly over the top. the truth is, I think a lot of people simply can’t relate to it. Katsuki cares about winning with a ferocity and a fervor that most people, for better or worse, simply don’t have. I certainly don’t, lol.

but he does. to him it’s not a shallow, superficial thing at all. it’s important to him, perhaps the most important thing. I think we often talk about it in terms of it being a desire, but imo a more accurate way to define it is not as a want, but as a need. in other words, it’s the opposite of the question “what is it this character wants” (i.e. “what is it they can’t live without”)? instead, it’s a question of “what is it they don’t want” (i.e. “what is it they can’t live with”)?

and in Katsuki’s case, the thing he can’t live with is feeling like he hasn’t tried his absolute best. he needs to give his all in everything he does. he wants to win, but winning just on its own is not enough.

it has to be earned. he has to prove to himself and to everyone else that he deserves it. anything less than that is unacceptable. anything less than that, and he can’t be at ease. he can’t be settled. he can’t rest. and so he puts everything he has into winning, even if it means going to extremes. because it’s that important to him.

it’s something that’s at times alarming and even disturbing for others to witness. but nonetheless, it’s a part of who he is, and at the end of the day his teachers accept that, and the story acknowledges that it’s his greatest strength.

so now, to finally bring this back around to Deku, this is what I keep seeing in his character as well. only in his case, the thing he can’t live with is knowing that he didn’t do everything he possibly could to save someone. or to put it another way, Deku, at his core, is someone who cannot rest until he knows that everyone is safe. simple as that. it’s not just a desire to protect people; it’s a need. he needs to know that everyone is safe and protected. otherwise he can’t be at ease. it’s no different from how normal, everyday people aren’t able to feel at ease unless they know that they are safe and that their loved ones are safe. it’s just that in Deku’s case, this same fundamental need extends to everyone, not just himself and his friends and family. everyone. he can’t live with himself knowing that someone was in trouble, and he had the ability to do something to help, but didn’t. and so, if you literally can’t live with not doing something, you basically have no choice but to do it.

and this is what in my opinion defines Deku’s character. Kacchan, in trying to understand it, noted that Deku doesn’t seem to take himself into account. but I think OFA Prime summed it up a little more accurately. “he rages for the sake of others. for them, he does his best until he can do no more. this young man is possessed by a drive to save others that eclipses all common understanding.”

so yeah. it’s not that he doesn’t care about himself at all, it’s that he cares about others even more. he has that same intensity and ferocity towards saving people that Katsuki has towards winning. and just as it was difficult at first for fans to understand Katsuki’s feelings, it’s hard to fathom the sheer depth of that “save everyone” feeling that compels Deku to break his own body in that pursuit. it’s scary, not to mention extremely destructive and dangerous. and so really, it was almost inevitable that there would be some backlash.

but just like Katsuki’s desire to win was ultimately validated in the end, I think Deku’s desire to save others will be as well. in fact it already is being validated, for starters by the other denizens of OFA, led by Lil Bro as mentioned above. let’s go back for a moment to that same scene.

here we get a huge hint that “Deku gets taken down a notch and chewed out and scolded for his recklessness” is not, in fact, the direction that the story is going in. because in general, when the main villain starts mocking the hero and saying that they’ve done something wrong, that’s a very good sign that said hero is actually on the exact right track. like, no offense, but as far as character critiques go, AFO is probably the least qualified person in the entire manga to start offering those up lol. so yeah. if AFO is denouncing Deku for something, and OFA Prime is praising him for that exact same thing, I think it’s safe to say that means he is in fact doing something very, very right.

“okay but makeste, he nearly got himself killed and broke all of his arms AND legs and is now lying in a fucking coma,” you say, gesturing emphatically to the last page of chapter 298. “so I mean, that’s all well and good that Wonder Boy has the best of intentions and all that, but at the end of the day he’s only one kid. he literally can’t save everyone, and if he pulls one or two more stunts like this, he’s going to get himself killed.”

and okay, but this here is the other talking point that I wanted to address. because it’s true, Deku does need to learn a specific lesson here. but that lesson is NOT that he can’t save everyone. this is a superhero story, guys -- “you can’t save everyone” is never going to be the underlying message, ever. it’s the OPPOSITE of the message. Deku is the hero because he tries to save everyone. because he doesn’t give up on saving people no matter what. that is literally the core of the story. it has been since the very first chapter.

so then what is it that Deku actually needs to learn here? well, once again, it all comes back to those parallels.

btw, I really just love how he’s carrying Katsuki there lol. he’s just so done with him.

but anyway. so, the final exam arc. Katsuki initially wants to win at all costs -- but there’s a hitch. because even though he wants to win, he refuses to do so while working with Deku. enter Deku’s left hook, and one impromptu Rival Encouragement Speech later, our boy has thankfully come to his senses.

but here’s the point -- the lesson here wasn’t “you can’t always win.” rather, the lesson that Katsuki needed to learn was that you can’t always win alone.

yeah. so now you can see what I’m getting at here.

“...on your own.”

that’s the key. this is the one and only thing that Deku actually needs to get into his head. wanting to save everyone is fine! his will to save others has never been a weakness -- it’s been the most admirable thing about him from day one. it’s what makes him strong. it’s why All Might chose him. it’s why OFA has chosen him. it’s what sets him apart, and I firmly believe it’s what will ultimately help him save the day and defeat AFO as well. because what other character would look at Shigaraki Tomura, the person who just impaled his friend and destroyed an entire city, and instinctively reach out a hand to try and save him? and if you don’t think that’s going to wind up being key to the final battle, you and I have very different ideas about this series’ endgame.

Deku’s determination to save everyone isn’t arrogance or futility. it is and always has been his greatest strength. but what he’s missing now, what he needs to learn, is simply to trust. y’all might have seen that theory about the Fourth’s quirk, and why All Might was so hesitant to tell Deku about it. basically, the theory (which is based on an attempted translation of the crossed-out parts of All Might’s OFA notebook) goes that the Spidey Sense was so overwhelming that the Fourth -- whose cause of death was one of the things crossed out -- eventually couldn’t bear it, and went to live alone in the middle of the woods somewhere. and possibly wound up killing himself?? all of which is just speculation right now of course. but it makes sense. and it would certainly explain why All Might, being all too aware of Deku’s self-destructive tendencies, would keep that from him.

but if this is the case, that means it’s clear that the Fourth’s solution didn’t work. “give up and accept that you can’t save everyone” clearly is NOT the answer to be had here.

the answer is trust. trust that his fellow heroes have his back. trust that they’ll be able to help him reach the people he’s not able to reach on his own. trust that they can work together to save everyone. that he doesn’t have to rest the entire world on his shoulders alone.

it’s the one lesson that All Might, his predecessor and his teacher, never learned himself until it was too late. but of course, All Might never had a prickly and determined rival who was ready to step in and deal out some tough love if need be. a rival who, perhaps, just might soon get a chance to repay an old favor.

“I don’t wanna hear you say you can’t save someone.”

I’m just saying. just as Deku has been watching Katsuki all this time, and admiring his determination to win, and emulating it himself, so has Katsuki recently begun to emulate Deku’s determination to save others. we’ve seen it not just in his recent act of self-sacrifice, but even in little things like his habits and tricks of speech. just like Katsuki is Deku’s image of victory, Deku is becoming Katsuki’s image of saving others.

and so I’ll bet you anything that if Deku ever starts to doubt himself, or starts feeling like his dream and desires are futile, Kacchan will be there to set him straight with a good old fashioned Rival Encouragement Speech of his own. possibly with his own left hook to match, though his left shoulder is currently out of sorts atm so he might need to modify that approach a little bit. but the point is, he’ll be there. and he will not allow Deku to give up on himself. he will be there to remind him that he doesn’t have to face this alone.

so yeah! finally managed to wrap up my giant Deku meta which I’ve been working on for ages and rewritten like fifteen times lmao. just in time for this to be relevant for all of a day, probably, depending on what happens once chapter 279 drops lol. but yeah. tl;dr, local boy tries to do too much, but his heart is in the right place, and hopefully all he really needs is a good pep talk from his tsundere bff to set him to rights again. r.i.p. to the Fourth, but he’s different.

[ichigoromi]

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐏𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐲 𝐎𝐧𝐞𝐞-𝐬𝐚𝐧 𝐖𝐡𝐨 𝐁𝐮𝐲𝐬 𝐌𝐞 𝐅𝐨𝐨𝐝! | 𝐌𝐢𝐲𝐚 𝐀𝐭𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐮 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧 | 𝐇𝐚𝐢𝐤𝐲𝐮𝐮 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧

Yes, it's inspired by that drama. You guys know who I'm talking about if you watched it too; JUNG HAEIN! Bro, he is so cute and handsome, definitely one of my favourite actors.

Imagine, Atsumu having a long-time crush on his older sister's best friend and decided to pursue her after returning from abroad.

PLEASE LET ME LIVE IT THROUGH THIS HEADCANON! IWANTSOMEONETOCALLMENOONATOO!

Yeah, that's it for my fangirling!

Pairing: Miya Atsumu (timeskip) x fem reader! (she/her)

Genre: Romance, fluff

Warning (s): Age gap of four years, older female-younger male relationship, everyone's legal!

a/n - let's just pretend the Miya Twins have an older sister!

Enjoy!

Miya Atsumu

He never thought he would see his crush again, and when he saw her, he felt his heart flutter like when he was in middle school.

She was still beautiful but gave off a more mature vibe, and she looked even more lovely than ever.

Miya Atsumu has fallen for his older sister's best friend again.

His older sister, Rina, knew that her best friend puts friendship over anything, including love.

When Atsumu first confesses to you, you were in high school, and he was in middle school, and you just flat out reject him because you're not interested in a younger guy.

He never gave up, and you truly treasure your friendship with Rina, and getting into a relationship with a younger man, was never your thing.

Eight years later, you finished med school and return to Japan to complete your residency; you were glad to be back.

And Atsumu decided to confess to you again, in front of his parents, his twin and his older sister.

Like last time, you straight out reject him.

So, he needs some help from his siblings.

Rina sat on the sofa, with her arms folded across her chest, and Atsumu was hugging her and begging her to help him.

"Tsumu, I can't help when she's so stubborn. I told her that I'm okay if she wants to date you. But, she treasures our friendship, and you're younger." And he lets out a deep sigh.

"What's age gotta do with love?! Nee-san! Please! Help me!" He was getting really desperate, and Osamu had the most cliche idea.

"Make her jealous." Rina shook her head.

"She's not goin' to fall for it. Remember, she already hates younger guys, but she loves food if you catch my drift." Atsumu and Osamu look at their older sister in confusion.

"Ask her to treat you food. Get closer to her by her common interest. Anyways, she's going to work in Osaka, so go and ask her out for dinner or lunch. Idiots." She shook her head and went back to her room.

Atsumu had a eureka after what his older sister had said.

"Samu! I know! Watch me get my girl!" He cheered and ran to his room.

"He's been sayin' that for eight years..."

You felt your older sister staring at you intensely as you enjoy your ice cream after dinner. She kept on staring, and you got tired of her staring at you.

"What? Why are you staring at me?" You frowned at her, and she continues to shake her head as she rubs her baby bump.

"Did the volleyball kid ask you out again?" It seems like the whole neighbourhood still knows about Atsumu's ongoing crush on you.

"Yeah, he did. So? I'm not into younger guys." She shook her head at you.

"My dear baby sister, love is not about the age. It's about the person. Ya, know, give him a chance and see how it goes. There's no need to be serious."

Everyone around you was telling you to give the poor lad a chance. You sighed and head up to your room to collect your thoughts.

Atsumu did grow up well over the years, and when you first saw him in eight years, you were slightly blushing over how well he looks after years. And, that blonde hair, oh, it did look damn well on him.

You want to deny it, but god damn, he looks dashing as hell.

Rina: Ya know, I really don't mind you two dating. Give my baby bro a chance. He stays in Osaka too; ask him to bring you around.

You: You too? I can't see him as a serious partner.

Rina: Atsumu changed. I know for sure. Babe, you never know. Tsumu might be your one.

You: That's what everyone says. Fine. One date. One date is all he gets.

Rina: Okay, one date.

You let out a sigh after you ended your text conversation with Rina. On that date, you would go on this date with him and hope he realised that you are not for him.

Hopefully.

Nope, it only encourages him. You two went on a dinner date at one of your favourite restaurants, and all is well, but you don't feel the connection between you two. Atsumu just won't give up.

You remember so vividly before he heads back home.

"Nee-san, I won't give up. I'll make you see that I'm the man you deserve!"

And he left after sneaking a kiss on your cheek.

You moved to Osaka to start work, and somehow he got hold of your work address and sends you and your colleague lunch.

Not gonna lie; it was kind of...cute.

None of your ex-boyfriends went this far to woo you, and you appreciate the gesture.

You don't want to own him, so you invited Atsumu to your place so you can make dinner for him, as a thank you.

---

Atsumu was all smiles when he received your invitation. How could he reject that precious invite? His teammates noticed that he was a lot focused and in high spirits in practice.

"I got a date~!" He sang as he waltzed into the locker room.

Bokuto cheered, and Sakusa gave him a blank stare.

"Shouldn't ya be happy for me? Come on! Cheer louder!" Sakusa just smacks him with the towel, and Atsumu immediately shut up, but he can't hide the big smile on his face.

"She's the one?" Bokuto asked, seeing him being so happy after a text from you.

"Yeap, she's the one."

Your place is exactly what he imagined; it was neat, comfy and homey. You were dressed more casual in a large t-shirt with a pair of grey sweats. He walks around your living room, and he sees the photos that you hang on the wall.

Then he spots the photo that you took with him before you left for the States.

You two were wearing your yukata at the summer festival, and he was blushing heavily beside you.

"Tsumu, dinner's ready. What are ya starin'?" He shook his head and went to sit at the dining table. You made a three-course meal, mussels in white wine and garlic as the appetisers, shrimp Aglio olio as the main dish and creme brûlée for dessert.

You watched in anticipation as he takes the first bite.

"How is it?" You asked, watching his face.

"It's so good! Where did ya learn to cook?" He asked as he took another bite.

"I learn it through cookbooks and online. Eat more." You pat his head and watch him eat. It was interesting to see someone enjoying your food.

Your other boyfriends never show such reactions, and it was heartwarming to see him enjoying your food.

Atsumu finally registered that you just pat his head and even told him to eat more.

Are you finally opening up to him? He smiles and digs into the delicious food that you made.

Maybe...dating a younger guy might not be so bad.

After that night, you two start hanging out more often, and Atsumu regularly updates his siblings about his progress with you.

Your colleagues noticed you were smiling more and begin opening up to them, probably because of Atsumu's influences. He would occasionally pick you up from your workplace and go out for dinner dates.

And since he is famous, the paparazzi caught wind of the professional volleyball player Miya Atsumu and his new potential partner.

Fans were quick to find out who they were, and Atsumu's side tried to control the situation.

"I'm sorry, I thought I was discreet enough." Discreet? This man was open about his love for you.

"It's okay. Just tell them we are friends." Friends? Is he getting friendzone again? After waiting for so long?

He ain't having it.

You were about to get up from your sofa; Atsumu traps you in between his arms.

"Friends? Can you tell me how you feel about me? Honestly? Please? I've waited for eight years, and I want you to tell me honestly. Do you like me? Because I love you for a long time."

Your heart beats rapidly as you stare into his dark brown eyes.

"I...I like you." You shyly confessed, and he gaped at you.

"Can you say that again? Oh my god, can you please say that again?" He sat down beside you and pulls you onto his lap.

You wrapped your arms around his neck and leaned your forehead against his.

"I said, I like you a lot." You whispered, and he breaks into this big smile that you love.

"Can I kiss you?" He stares at your lips.

"Yes." And he pulls you closer to you and plants his lips against yours. Honestly, it was the best feeling ever, kissing you. He has been waiting for years to do this, and he finally can do it.

You pulled away first, laughing, then he joins you laughing.

"This is the best! Can I sleep over tonight?" You nod, and bro, it's the best sleepover that you have experienced.

Don't tell Rina, or else she would be sad :(

AHHHHHH! MY HEART IS FEELING SO FUZZY AND WARM!

I hope you guys enjoy this because if you don't like it, I like it. If you enjoy this, and if it's not your kind of headcanon, I have other Atsumu headcanons that you might enjoy!

Stay safe and healthy!

With love,

Rosalie🍓

[blue-pastel-cat]

Xiaobedo Fanfic Recommendation

Welcome to my personal “if you are new to xiaobedo peeps please read these” list. As said before this is my personal list so please feel free to reblog/comment/hit me for not including any gem here. I might miss a lot of them because I am drunk or blind. (mostly have them on my to read and then forgot as I am being assault by real life shit).

I would like to say first that so far there are 150+ Xiaobedo fics on Ao3. I can’t review all of them but I can say that I have read a majority of them. Most of them are just pure love and I would like nothing more than a thousands thank you for all the fic writers who spent their free time writting these gems for us to read for free. But these...these takes the cake as it finds a special landing spot in my heart that I would just thrust them into someone’s hand if they say “I am new to this ship can you recommend me?”

1. Orange dust by bobamilkteas (Wes)

In which Xiao learns to open himself up to the world a little more after the collapse of Rex lapis's contracts but it was not always easy for a soul doomed to eternal damnation. Meanwhile, Albedo liked to tempt fate where the extraordinary are concerned.

If only the traveler's comrades are made of saner bunch.

Comment: Long ago when I like both Albedo and Xiao as a character, I was wondering hmmm....will anyone actually even write about them lmao they never met each other. I am surprise to see this one as the 3rd fic in the whole 3 Xiaobedo fic on Ao3 (yeah back when there’s literally only 3 fic for this couple). I was like I’ll read it for the curiosity, I’ll probably won’t ship them. And that people is how I put my clown make up on my face upon finishing reading it. This ONE fic alone convert me into a devotee of Xiaobedo. Please consider joining me in this circus if you want to know what is Xiaobedo. I would put this as the first of my “Big 3″

Orange Dust also come with its compliation of short stories over the course of the game and a big sequel to it. Please also consider reading ALL OF THEM.

2. Solar Wind by birdpriestess (Sparrow)

For the yaksha, his duty was his life, and his life was his duty. No human could ever hope to understand the eternal war he fought out of sight and in silence.

So why, then, did he feel that Albedo would understand?

---

Finding himself at death's door once more, Xiao is saved by a surprising person, setting off the unlikeliest of adventures.

Comment: Do you like crying? Do you like the feeling of getting your heart ripped into pieces as the author destroy your emotions over the end of each chapter as the story picked up the climax? Yeah, this one is for you masochists. The action, the characterisation, the drama THE EMOTIONS OH WOW. I kid you not that it was so good I read this while workinng when I am not suppose to me. Also, this fic has my favourite characterisation of Gold ever. I love that dramatic queen Mad Alchemist. AND DAIN. I LOVE DAIN IN THIS FIC. Our dearest Sparrow manage to toy with our feelings like how I bully ruin guard for big numbers lmao. This is the secound of “Big 3″ of my Xiaobedo list.

Again, just like Orange Dust, Solar Wind comes with its own compliation of short stories of what came after that. Please also consider reading ALL OF THEM.

3. Castle of Glass by AlchemicalStardust (Morgie) 

A black shadow rises over Huaguang Stone Forest. Caught in the wrong place at the wrong time, Albedo flees the shaking ground and the crash of boulders tumbling form the sky. As the dust settles, Albedo finds a young man – an Adeptus – amidst the carnage. Despite the karmic agony ripping his body from the inside, Xiao’s only question is “How?” How did a human survive after witnessing his battle?

Comment: The last of the “Big 3″ of my Xiaobedo list. And it is still on going! Castle of Glass? More like I AM IN A GLASS CASE OF EMOTIONS! Have you read a fic about 2 people yearning, longing, reaching out for each other so damn well that you just want to throw your phone in the air as they both had their impending doom coming down upon them? Yeah this is one of them. You will like want to be stuck in the moment they express how much they just yearn for each other’s love and care that you want to shake the author for what comes next. Like...everytime Morgie update I am expressing my gratitude at the end of the chapter by writing on Xiaobedo discord “MORGIE COME HERE AND LET ME BONK YOU WHY ARE YOU ENDING IT THERE”

trust me when you read you will def feel the same. With just Big 3 and their compliation alone that would give you like a LONG list of reading already LMAOOOOOOO

4. Find a place to call it home  by yamajiroo 

Our room, he said. Xiao’s brow twitches. Zhongli never said anything about this. But then again, perhaps he should anticipate this from the beginning...

Xiao looks over at Albedo, who is now tilting his head, his look as innocent as ever.

“Are you not okay with sharing a room?”

Comment: College AU for Xiaobedo! One thing that I love this is the slow burn and what made me LOVE LOVE LOVE this fic more is how cute Klee is in this fic. Their relationship in this one is very simple, but that simplicity highlight why their chemistry work. Xiao is someone who was just very gentle, who was largely misunderstood by his lonesome nature. Albedo was someone who like peace and quite in his introvert bubble. And how they respect that bubble that each other has actually made their relationship work. I love it when fic highlight this and this one captures it.

5. I Can't See Your Face From the Other Side of the Classroom by MissWeaver  

When Albedo and Xiao unexpectedly start eating lunch together, they begin to find that they have more in common than anyone would have realized. They both struggle in their own ways with blossoming feelings, too many assignments, and annoying classmates as they navigate a relationship for the first time.

Comment: I’ll be honest, I usually hate high school au just because its so cliche. I don’t even watch and drama/anime surrounds high school student anymore LMAOOO (unless it’s very good). So if there’s an high school AU that I actually keep come back and read after a couple of chapters, it means that the cliche that I hate wasn’t there or barely was there at all. The pinning in this fic makes me want to bang their head together sometimes LMAOOO The tag wasn’t kidding when they said both Xiao and Albedo are bad at feelings. Also that’s a lot of heart broken caused by these two idiots XD

6. new world, same me, same bullshit  by  bobamilkteas (Wes)

At the belly of Dragonspine, Albedo lost control to the festering corruption that permeated his senses and watched, from the recesses of his mind, as his devoured body turned his allies into enemies. Before his rampage reached its climax, he is sealed in a crystalized confinement by the last hand of Reindottir, where he then reawakens centuries after, in a rebooted Teyvat.

Comment: Yeah I know it was list in Orange Dust but here me out. This sets out in an entirely different universe. And if you like Polyamory, this one has Zhongli joining the duo and I love it because I also love ZhongXiao with my life. Time Travel is my biggest kink. Especially when I am the person who love it when people explore Archon War era/ Alatus!Xiao. So this one hits double of my kink. Of course it is still on going and I will bully Wes whenever I can to see that new chapter. Albedo is a total fucking badass in this story and I completely agree from using him in Abyss so often. Everyone should write badass Albedo.

7. misplaced heart of mine by  inkburn           

“If you are ill, then you should be resting at home. In Mondstadt.” He emphasized Mondstadt with a pointed look in his direction.

“I assure you I won’t be troublesome, Adeptus Xiao,” Albedo said, “You’ll find I’m a rather low-maintenance traveler.”

“Travel,” Xiao scoffed, “without airstep?”

Albedo looked him up and down. “Are your legs just for decoration?”

(albedo is sent to liyue on mandatory vacation. xiao is his unfortunate bodyguard.)

Comment: Most of the time you will see Albedo and Xiao starting their relationship with one of them taking interest in another. But this one took another approach, they starting off by make them hating each other’s guts LMAOOOO and I live for every second of it. There’s only 1 chapter so far but wow it was SOOO GOOD. I am really really excited for next chapter and is waiting patiently ;w;

8.  Blossom of Grace  by birdpriestess  

One day in Liyue Harbor, Albedo watches a street performance by an enigmatic dancer named Xiao. And he becomes completely obsessed.

Comment: Have you ever look at Xiao fight and thinking that he’s one of the most beautiful deadly thing ever? How it was like he was dancing around the battlefield? How about actual dancer Xiao being so absolutely beautiful and perfect and that slow burn of Albedo falling in love with that beauty with a touch of Modern AU and cute Ganyu as the Wing woman. Yes, Sparrow delivers yet again another beautiful slow burn and while it’s still ongoing it is worth the read.

9. i think we could make this work (could get used to this) by outspaced               

“Xiao? What are you doing out here?”

“I—”

“It’s raining,” Albedo says, as if it isn’t obvious. “You could get struck by lightning.”

“What are you doing out here then?” Xiao does the only thing he knows how to do, he challenges Albedo. “It’s raining.”

Albedo just hums. “If I get struck by lightning, it’s for science.”

Comment: A short one-shot where I read the summary and went “This is it... this is their relationship.” I am sold immediately. Oh god Albedo why are you like this.

10. Ephemeral by criedprinz        

“It’s not for your investigation, is it?” Aether asked mildly.

Albedo traced a finger around the sketchbook, considering the question. “No,” he admitted finally. “I... I just want to see them again.”

He opened the sketchbook to reveal the drawing he’d just finished. Aether nodded, clearly recognizing the sharp golden eyes.

“Xiao,” he said. “You were rescued by an adeptus.”

When a visit to Dragonspine goes horribly wrong, Albedo is rescued by an unknown stranger, wielding powers he's never heard of. Led on a search to find out who it is, he finds himself in the middle of an unforgettable encounter..

Comment: A really really well written one-shot that I love. The yearning oh godddd the yearning from Albedo side is just so so much that I have to put it here. (I think you can see the trend here lmao. I am a sucker for yearning). And the moment they get to meet each other again is just chef kiss. MWHAA

11. Idle Yaksha, Brilliant Yaksha by Pit0fTheEarth

Alatus didn’t have a lot of responsibilities to keep. He spent most of his days dancing across the sky and eating away all nightmares that plagued a person’s sleep.

But one fortunate encounter led to too many unfortunate ones, taking his carefree existence and plunging it in darkness. His wings, stripped from him. His gentle touch, replaced by an unforgiving grip of destruction.

There was a lot of blood on his hands. With each passing moment, it became harder for Alatus to recall the last time someone gently held him.

Comment: This is one of the ongoing fic where I am very very much excited on the take of Naberius. And the way the author portray Xiao when he’s still the innocent Alatus is just *clench fist*. Baby ;w; Baby why do you have to lose all that innocence. Also the fic has long LONG flashback to Xiao past and his relationship with Naberius. We are unwielding more what happened to both of them and why perhaps does this have to do with Albedo.

That’s it for now, might add more later! Thank you <3

[wisteriashouse]

three pointer.

pairing: rengoku kyoujurou x reader

genre: fluff, romance, college!au

word count: 2453

remarks: for @kyojoroo​ who mentioned something about a college!au for kyojuro!! this is a bit of an ugly draft, but i just wanted to post it anyway (because i spent too much time on it) i hope you enjoy it!

“Great game!” 

“Yeah, you were a beast on the court, captain!”

“That last shot was insane! We wouldn’t have won without you!”

“Thanks, everyone,” Kyoujurou laughs as he steps into the communal showers, peeling off his basketball jersey as he goes. After a whole after non of so called friendly matches against a rival college, Kyoujurou can’t wait to get into the showers to wash all the sweat and grime that has accumulated off his body. “We all did great today, not just me. It’s our victory.”

“Oh, stop it with the humility, Rengoku, it’s embarrassing to watch,” someone shoves his shoulder playfully from the back - Kyoujurou turns around to see Tengen grinning at him as he steps into the shower next to his, tossing his own jersey to the side. “I’ll eat my gym socks if the headhunters aren’t brawling over you at this year’s nationals. They’ll be like a bunch of piranhas trying to get a piece of that ass.”

Kyoujurou shakes his head, but there’s a pleased smile curling at the corners of his lips. “Let’s just focus on making it to the finals firsts,” he says with a quick laugh, stripping off his shorts and stepping into the shower. Cold water runs down his back, splashes over his face. He glances at the clock hanging on the wall.

Five minutes to eight.

He reaches for the soap just as one of his teammates starts asking around where the rest want to head to for dinner. There’s a smattering of replies from the team, consisting of answers ranging from Wendy’s to the sushi place down the street, punctuated by the sound of running water. Kyoujurou, however, does not answer, focusing his attention on rinsing his hair clean of any soap suds before he’s reaching for his towel to dry himself off. 

Tengen, who’s in the shower next to him, notices how quickly he’s moving.

“What’s with the rush?” Tengen calls as Kyoujurou roughly dries his hair. “Are you that eager to head to dinner? Or,” his smile turns sly, “is it because of the cute waitress there who has the hots for you?”

“What? Don’t be stupid,” Kyoujurou reaches for his shirt, tugging it over his head and casting another glance at the clock. Eight o’ clock now. Damn, he’s late. “Besides, I’m not having dinner with you guys today. I have something else on.”

Tengen raises his eyebrows so fast Kyoujurou thinks that they might just fly off his forehead. “You have something else on?” He repeats, so loudly he might as well be trying to broadcast it to Mars. And to nobody’s surprise, least of all Kyoujurou’s, everyone in the showers is immediately aware of Kyoujurou’s dinner plans.

“Ehh? Captain, you’re not coming with us for dinner?”

“Yeah, we were gonna treat you and have some drinks after!”

“No, no, everyone, let him go,” Tengen’s eyes glint, and instantly Kyoujurou knows that his thoughts are ballooning far beyond the reaches of reality. “He’s definitely got himself a date, fucking finally-” Kyoujurou slaps a hand over Tengen’s mouth to shut him up before another word can leave him. The man might be one of his best friends, but god can he be annoying sometimes.

“I am going to dinner with a friend.” Kyoujurou emphasizes on the word ‘friend’. Tengen waggles his eyebrows very suggestively at him.

“A very… flamboyant type of friend?” He suggests, and Kyoujurou throws his towel at him. This, unfortunately, only serves to make Tengen all the more insufferable than he already is, the man dissolving into a bout of uncontrollable laughter. Kyoujurou groans.

“Stop it.” Sending one last look at the clock, he gathers up his things and shoves them into his backpack before pulling on his varsity jacket as fast as he can. “I’m meeting a very friend sort of friend for dinner, so don’t get any funny ideas. And stop it with the moaning noises,” he directs his last comment at Tengen, who’s still laughing at him. “I’ll see you guys for training tomorrow!”

As expected, a few shout goodbye in return while the rest hoot and holler for him to introduce them to his ‘special friend’ soon. With a quiet laugh and a shake of the head, Kyoujurou steps out of the sports hall, grateful for the cool evening air against his warm cheeks. Really, why do they feel the need to tease him like that?

He’s just about to take off at a light jog when his phone vibrates in the front pocket of his jeans.

Wincing around a slight smile, he hits ‘answer’ and raises the phone to his ear without a glance at the caller ID, the soles of the shoes slapping lightly against the pavement as he picks up a steady pace.

“Hey.” Kyojuro says. He hopes his voice doesn’t sound too breathless.

“You’re late.”

“We went into overtime and the match ended late.” The lights are red when he reaches the crossroads, so he slows his pace and takes a moment to catch his breath. A car honks loudly opposite him. “Sorry about that.”

“Hmm.” A noncommittal noise, and then a pause. “What do you want for dinner?”

“Dinner?” He repeats. The lights turn green, and he begins to jog once more. “Uhh… a double cheeseburger set and a coke zero.” It’s difficult to run and talk at the same time, more so over the phone with his backpack jostling with every step he takes. 

“Tempura side?”

A short bark of laughter leaves him. “You know me too well.” There’s a smile stubbornly clinging to his lips. He doesn’t want to get rid of it.

“You’re about as easy to read as a piece of paper.” A snort, then quieter, “I’ll be waiting for you at the diner.” Before Kyoujurou has the chance to say his own goodbye, the call hangs up on him. He holds the phone up, looks at it for a moment in amusement and laughs, before shoving his phone back into his pocket and quickening his pace, a new spring in his step.

You’re not a person who likes to be kept waiting.

>>> 

The distance to the diner isn’t very far from the sports hall, so Kyoujurou takes only about ten minutes, at a light jog, to make it there. Slightly out of breath from the exertion, he takes a moment to catch his breath and collect himself, before he pushes open the door to the diner, eyes immediately searching the inside for-

You’re seated at one of the booths, dressed in a comfy oversized hoodie and idly scrolling through your phone as you wait for him, two trays of untouched food on the table in front of you. At the sight of you, his mood lifts instantly - you don’t seem to have noticed him yet, so he waits for a moment before he makes his way over to you, sliding into the seat opposite.

You look up from your phone, and Kyoujurou beams, shucking his bag to the side.

“Hey.”

You raise an eyebrow at his chipper attitude, glancing at the screen of your phone as you set it to the side. “You are,” your tongue pokes at the inside of your cheek, “twenty minutes late.”

Kyojuro puts his palms flat on the table and bows his head sincerely. “I am very sorry,” he says, suitably chastened. “Please forgive me.” You look at him for a moment, then open your mouth to speak.

“Did you win?”

At that, the smile that Kyoujurou has been trying so hard to keep down inevitably breaks through. “Mmhmm,” he says, and he swears he catches a ghost of a smile touching your lips as well.

“Then I’ll let you off this time.” You push his tray towards him, condensation gathering on the outside of his drink. You’ve been waiting twenty minutes for him, after all. 

“You could have started eating first, you know?” Kyoujurou says, slightly worried as he begins unwrapping his burger. “It’s not healthy to eat too late, and I know you skipped lunch for your project today.”

You shrug off his concern, lazily stealing a fry from his tray before he can stop you (not that he would, even if he could). “Wanted to eat together.” Is all you say in form of an answer, before popping it into your mouth.

Kyoujurou blinks at you, then reaches over to put a few more fries on your tray. He really needs to work on hiding his smile.

“Have some more, then.”

The two of you eat in comfortable silence amidst the chatter and noise ongoing behind you. Occasionally, Kyoujurou pauses between bites to ask you about your day, how your tests went. Conversation swells and ebbs easily between the two of you, never awkward, and the silence is always comfortable.

He finishes his meal first, demolishing the entire tray of food in a few big bites that would make Godzilla proud. Calling for an ice cream (because he’s still hungry), Kyoujurou settles his head on his hands, content to watch you eat, but to his surprise, you’re the one who speaks up first with an unexpected question.

“So, nationals.” You say, slowly. “When are they?”

Kyoujurou pauses, then blinks up at you, unsure if he’s mistaken the word ‘finals’ for ‘nationals’. You’ve never showed an interest in any of his basketball matches before, due to your dislike of large crowds and excessive screaming - hence, almost every basketball game ever. As far as he remembers, you’ve never even been to a game since… well, ever. Still, you asked, so Kyoujurou will answer. 

“They start next month.” Kyoujurou sits up, back a little more straight. “Why?”

Ignoring his question, you simply continue. “It’s a big deal for you, isn’t it?” You lift your burger and take a bite out of it. “Your future, and all that.”

Kyoujurou exhales a bit before he smiles again. “Yeah, it’s huge. All the headhunters from the professional teams will be watching. I can’t afford to show them anything but my best if I’m serious about becoming a professional athlete in the future.”

You make a face. “That sounds… awful, to be honest.” Kyoujurou laughs at that. Instead of taking another bite of your burger, you take a breath, set it to the side and look at Kyoujurou seriously. Confused by the sudden change in mood, Kyoujurou looks back at you, back straightening subconsciously and leaning forward more so that he can hear you better. “Since that’s the case, do you…” you pause for a second, seemingly hesitant, which really piques Kyoujurou’s interest. “Do you want me to-”

Kyoujurou never does find out what it is that you’re suggesting, because in the next second you’re interrupted by an ice cream being set down on the table between you. You, as usual, fall silent in the presence of an unexpected stranger, and Kyoujurou wants to groan. Talk about bad timing. It had seemed serious.

“Oh, it’s you again, captain.” Kyoujurou looks up to see the waitress smiling at him - she’s the one who usually serves his team when they stop by here for team dinners. He returns her smile politely. “It’s surprising to see you here with someone other than your team.”

“I had plans with a friend,” Kyoujurou gestures at you, not noticing the slight frown that tugs at your mouth. The waitress’ mouth forms a slight ‘o’ of realisation at the word ‘friend’, fidgeting with the serving tray in her hands before she speaks again.

“I’m sorry to interrupt your time with your friend here,” she says, suddenly, and her nervous tone gives Kyoujurou pause. Was Tengen right somehow? Did she really have a crush on him? “But you’re a sweet person and I think you’re really cute, so… if it’s alright… may I have your number to get to know you better?”

Kyoujurou blinks up at her, caught off guard by the sudden question - yet he finds his eyes instinctively straying to you. Your expression is neutral, both hands wrapped around his sundae as you begin digging into it, seemingly paying no attention at all to his business with the waitress.

Pressing his lips together, Kyoujurou turns back to the waitress, giving her a smile. “Thank you for your affection, I’m deeply honoured. However,” he pauses, making sure that his voice is carefully gentle before he continues, “I’m afraid that I already have someone else I am interested in. My deepest apologies.”

“Oh.” Her voice comes out tiny. Her eyes dart towards you, just for a moment, but once again you don’t seem to notice, attention still completely riveted on his ice cream. “No, no, it was my fault. I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable.” 

“Not at all!” Kyoujurou is quick to reassure her. “I think you’re a lovely woman, surely soon you will meet a partner worthy of you who returns your feelings.”

The waitress squeaks out a ‘thank you’ before she escapes into the kitchen, serving tray clutched to her chest. With that over, Kyoujurou turns back to you with an apology on his lips, only to be surprised to see that you’re staring at the kitchen door the waitress has just disappeared through.

“That happens often,” you comment lightly, taking another bite of his sundae. “You must be used to rejecting them by now. Did you come up with that excuse on your own?”

I’m afraid I already have someone else I am interested in.

Kyoujurou’s mouth opens, lips parting slightly and an answer hanging from the tip of his tongue, but before the words can escape him he closes his mouth firmly. He looks at you, watching as you swirl a fry in his ice cream before popping it into your mouth, before you look up at him expectantly. It is not in his nature to lie, so…

“You’ve finished all my ice cream,” he says, tone lighthearted. “I wanted dessert, you know.”

You glance at him, eyes narrowing slightly, but you don’t press the issue, looking down at his ice cream again. “I’ll buy you another one if you want.” You shrug. “Food always tastes better when stolen from someone else.”

Kyoujurou has to shake off a smile before he rises to his feet, hiking his bag over his shoulder. “Come on, I’ll walk you back to your dorm.” Although the stroll is done so in comfortable silence, the topic of the waitress does not resurface, and Kyoujurou can’t help but feel just a hint disappointed. When you bid him goodbye at the door, your expression is just as unreadable as ever, and Kyoujurou does not know what to make of it.

He never manages to find out what it was that you wanted to talk about, either.