#lauren screams into the void

[toastytrusty]

wanna post more on here so bad because all i think about is amrev but i have no idea how to use this app help. should i write long posts with my research findings and try and actually sound smart or just write john laurens name over and over and over and call it a day. the world may never know

[dins--djarins]

the lack of appreciation and hype for andor is really disappointing and surprising 😔 like we're being handed something different and more or less fresh for star wars! don't do our boy cass like this 🔪

[turtle-steverogers]

Mikey! I know I keep screaming at you but I have no plans on stopping.

We talked about Steve being really bad with change and while I think he’s learned some coping skills to help with it, the one thing he absolutely cannot handle is when traditions get changed. Even if it’s just talking about changing up a tradition, something in Steve’s gut gets twisted and his skin feels itchy and all he wants to do is put his hands against his ears and tense his entire body until everything else stops. He won’t do it until later, when everyone else is gone and it’s just him and Bucky and he can disappear into the closet and have Bucky find him. Bucky will knock and rustle clothes so Steve knows he’s there and he’ll come sit by him and wait and eventually Steve will rest his head on Bucky’s shoulder. I also think Steve’s really bad at talking about how much he hates change.

So I’m just imagining a holiday like thanksgiving or even just something super small where it always just used to be him and Bucky, and maybe Sam comes over and Natasha drops by, which leads to Clint coming over, and if the rest of the team is there, of course Tony comes. And Steve is sitting on the couch trying not to explode but also trying to keep it all in because he loves his team and wants them to feel welcome. But eventually he gets up and disappears in front of everyone and hides in the closet, his knuckles in his mouth to keep his sobs quiet. It takes Bucky longer than usual to find him because he was getting everyone out of the house. But he does and he finally gets Steve to tell him what’s going on.

And… change. It’s hard

The way I was literally just thinking about how in my head, Steve's covering his ears a lot of the time-- either because the world around him is literally loud or because everything in his head is too loud, or even if he's just overwhelmed by both. His first instinct in moments like these is to just... block everything out.

But anyway-- YES!!! I can absolutely see this, and it's so conflicting for Steve, because like you said, he loves his team. He wants them to feel welcome, wants to bask in this big family feel he never got growing up, wants to sink into the support he finally has, but there's a part of him that's just struggling so hard to do so, because change.

After this incident, though, the other Avengers pick up on this particular challenge of Steve's, and they all sort of wordlessly make changes as a collective: letting Steve know far in advance if the team is thinking about change, letting him know they're there for him to lean on when spontaneous things do happen that are out of their control (one time the lights wouldn't work on Christmas, so they had to use colored lights instead of white ones like Steve and Bucky always do and Steve had a Bad Time). Overall just letting him know that they're not judging. They're there, they're all family, including him.

[skyllion-uwu]

Lauren if you're reading this your pastries are shit (seriously why the fuck is your vegan frosting so oily?? Getting diarrhea every time you eat vegan frosting is NOT normal) and I hope you go out of business. One day you're going to look at your sick customers and contaminated dishes and wonder why you cared more about them getting moved from the pile back to the shelf instead of actually getting them clean. You're going to get infested with rats and bugs because you and your bakers refuse to clean up after themselves. It's not normal for a kitchen to smell like someone died when a baker opens the oven. I would've stuck with you until the end! Unfortunately due to your tendency to fire anyone who isn't the Golden Child and drive away those that are, you'll meet it alone. Take your one month offer and shove it up your ass. I know I already quit but do it anyways.

Sayo-fucking-nara.

But that's just my feedback for you! I can give more if you like 😇

[autolenaphilia]

Fluids by May Leitz

Fluids by the truly multi-talented May Leitz, musician, youtube video essayist, and author, is the goriest book I have ever read. It’s also about queer love, identity, and being transfem. This is a truly fucked-up sapphic love story. It’s the opposite of tenderqueer.

My recommendation is that if a story about sapphic love and trans identity that is also an incredibly gory and disturbing horror book appeals to you, go read it. The prose is beautiful and disturbing, a nightmare about queer identity and abusive love. It’s available in print or audiobook format from Leitz’s bandcamp, and in e-book form via her patreon. Pay attention to the trigger warnings.

I’m going to put the rest of this book beneath a read-more, because to talk cogently about the novel I had to spoil it. And it’s quite an experience, so if you care about spoilers, read it first if you can stomach it.

It’s about Lauren, a cis lesbian woman who meets Dahlia, a young trans woman via the internet. Lauren is a deeply fucked-up individual, who hates herself, is deeply selfish, who lacks meaning in her life and takes it out violently on others, dragging others into her self-destruction spiral. Lauren is truly in love with Dahlia, but uses Dahlia to find meaning in life for herself.

And Dahlia is also fucked-up and violent. She grew up with abusive and transmisogynistic parents, and like many abused children, had her parents conception of the person she should be forced upon her, making it difficult to form her own independent identity. So Lauren steps in and becomes a second mother to Dahlia, assigning her various identities to perform, complete with alternative names. And Dahlia is so unsure of her own identity, as an abused child, as someone who has recently realized she are a trans woman, that she accepts this. Her most violent act is trying to kill Lauren shortly after they meet in person in order to steal her identity and life. Yet she is less fucked-up than Lauren wants her to be, as she wants Dahlia to be a reflection of herself. Lauren herself feels like a void, and uses and abuses Dahlia to find identity herself.

The resulting relationship is of course incredibly toxic. It is sado-masochistic way, way beyond any conception of safe, sane and consensual. It’s co-dependent, as both depend on the other for their own sense of self. Yet Lauren is the dominant partner. Lauren hurts Dahlia, and tells her “I can teach you how to like it.”

And Lauren drags Dahlia into an orgy of violence and murder at a combined casino/hotel. It’s a book full of detailed descriptions of violence and gore. There is plenty of the eponymous fluids in this book, mostly blood and vomit. There is a point to all the violence, the themes of identity and a well-developed characterization that I already described. Yet it doesn’t make the violence any less disturbing.

The plot and violence is phantasmagorical and surreal, it feels like an intense nightmare and runs on that logic. The violence is so extreme, with people staying alive and conscious when they really shouldn’t, that it in itself becomes dreamlike despite the detailed descriptions. A major part of the plot is literally that Lauren is able to commit violence with impunity as the casino/hotel as this ruthless capitalist entity cleans up after her crimes to avoid dealing with the police. She becomes a serial killer out of a nightmare, no one hearing the screams coming from the hotel rooms. There is nothing outright supernatural, but realism doesn’t matter here.

Lauren is a self-described monster, but most of the book is from her POV, and she feels like a complex character. She has flaws that are relatable, she just takes it into horror novel extremes. Same thing with Dahlia, who is more sympathetic.

And the book does speak to the side of us that has violent murder fantasies. That’s what makes good horror violence not merely disgusting but actually disturbing. It is because for many of us the violent acts in this book is something we would never do in real life, but may fantasize about. If you are abused or oppressed, you often will fantasize to strike back in ways that are entirely disproportionate. A fantasy of gaining absolute power, of life and death over those who have power over you. The violent fantasy is an outlet for the resentment that builds up.

Such fantasies are rooted in emotions of fears and anger, and like most private fantasies entirely self-indulgent. It’s not pretty, and such violence is usually something people don’t actually want to do, because they recognize it’s wrong, but still find appealing as fantasy. The book’s initial act of violence is Dahlia pouring gasoline on her boy clothes and then light it and the house on fire as she escape her abusive transmisogynistic parents. And then as Lauren takes the lead, the violence only grows more extreme, selfish and disproportionate. It becomes about torturing and kill the rich dude who treats you like a sex object and wants to buy your body with his money. And then torture and mutilate his privileged cishet wife to death. It’s dark, it’s disturbing, but I get it.

And yet, despite all the violence and darkness, the book is not entirely nihilistic. It ends on a relatively hopeful note of transfem resillence, despite everything. Dahlia realizes that she can survive on her own, that she can form her own identity, she can be independent, she doesn’t need Lauren’s destructive and abusive love. Dahlia walks away to be her own person. The fact she has endured and done so much makes it even more resonant. She has the trauma of being abused and raped, and even lost her right hand, yet she survives and will try to live. It’s a beautiful ending, for a disturbing, but beautiful book.

[unlimbed]

archie madekwe,  26,  cis man,  he/him   𐫱     ›   hey, isn’t that julian wyle? i’ve heard that they’ve lived in bearhold for two years. rumor has it that they can be rather melodramatic and foolish, but hey, that’s just in their nature as a banshee. they totally make up for it by being compassionate and tenacious. if you’re looking for them, you can probably find them at their work as a barista at the ivory tearoom.

BASICS :

BIRTH NAME : julian adam wyle

KNOWN AS : julie, jules, jay

BIRTHDATE : july 11, 1998

BIRTHPLACE : seattle, washington

AGE : 26

SPECIES : banshee ( inexperienced )

SEXUALITY : uncertain

OCCUPATION : reluctant barista

BIG 3 SIGNS : ☼ cancer ☾ capricorn ↑ cancer

POSITIVE TRAITS : compassionate, tenacious, patient, obedient

NEGATIVE TRAITS : melodramatic, foolish, indecisive, ruthless

SPOKEN LANGUAGES : english, latin, italian

SKILLS : musically gifted; particularly in piano and cello, but could pick up any instrument and plink out a little tune

DISTINGUISHABLE FEATURES : 6'5, permanent babyface gang, always has an overstuffed tote bag in hand, highly expressive eyes

FAVORITES : being praised, the symphony, dijon mustard, intimate gatherings between friends, academia, laying in the grass right at dusk, herbal teas, saying "it's not that deep" when it is in fact that deep, mitski, psychedelics, personal growth, taking care of stray cats

THUS FAR . . .

static. your head is filled with static — that's the only way you've ever been able to communicate what you feel. it's not cotton or white noise or the rhythmic crash of waves meeting the shore. it's the fuzzy, electric static from one of those old box television sets, prickly to the touch, and it's always been there. just filling up your head, creating a void that's neither a hinderance nor a positive. it's like living life in stasis ; granting you a safe childhood, a normal high school experience, and then — CRACK !! something is wrong. something's broken. you've done something bad, you must have, because your brain is splitting in half and there's so much noise. you can feel your skull splitting, stitches of your scalp pulling free to make room and allow the pure, pulsing, red viscera of your brain to push outward through the cracks. you open your mouth to scream, but no sound comes out. its just the silent white noise, even your struggling gasps for air are no more than polite wheezes. you're clawing at your throat. you're looking for someone to help - anyone. there's no one. nothing. darkness is closing in around you. you can't fight for much longer. . . your sophomore college roommate is shaking you awake, their eyes wide with such panic and fear it makes you jolt. they tell you that you were screaming in your sleep. they ask what you were dreaming about. was it a nightmare? you shake your head and say you weren't dreaming. because you weren't. you never have in your life. try as you might, there's nothing to remember but an empty block in your memory from that night. it takes a day for you to stop feeling shaky. you realize by lunch that the white noise is back and you're soothed into normalcy. it's when it happens again that you start to worry. maybe trying shrooms had been a bad idea... clearly you've altered your brain chemistry, or someone gave you something laced at a party once and now you're fucked. you start carrying around lozenges regularly, one almost permanently tucked into your cheek to soothe your sore throat. another night terror strikes, and when you wake up to resumed white noise, you find out that lauren thompkins has been found dead in the woods near campus. foul play is suspected. you didn't know her, but you attend her candlelight vigil and something eerie tickles at your spine, like someone grazing their fingertips up and down your back. you move home and live in your childhood bedroom to finish off the semester. scared and obsessed, you do your research. you search for answers that don't seem to exist, frittling away an entire summer that culminates in you going to your stoic, intimidating father to admit, "i think something's wrong." and it's how seriously he takes you that's even more frightening. he points you in the direction of your mother — described by him as a flighty, witchy woman, incapable of love and not suitable to raise children. come to find out she has three children and a loving husband, their family homesteading in bearhold. you move in with them and move out within six months, desperate for your own apartment and space away from these strangers meant to be family. but your mother helps. sort of. she tries to. she explains what she knows in cryptic bits and pieces, and eases you through waking panics. bearhold, you find, is better suited for this sort of research, allowing you to frequent local oddity shops and self-medicate with herbs and special teas. you're still coming to terms with it, but you are what you are — a banshee. there's no running from dread when its been cosmically stitched into your very being.

[ladyniniane]

For the Writblr Ask Game: 5, 7 and 13 💕

Please and thank you

End of the year writeblr ask game

Hello 👋 and thank you for the questions ✨!

5) What is your favorite book/story/poem you read this year?

Lauren Groff's Matrix! I don't know if it's my favorite, but it's certainly one of the best things I've read this year. (I don't rate books 5 stars on Goodreads that often).

It has medieval women in all sort of roles: nuns, administrators, visionaries, artists, queens, warriors... Women building their own community and being self-sufficient. A narrative with sorority at its core. And gorgeous writing to boot.

7) What are three songs you put on your WIP-playlist this year?

I tend to associate my characters with Florence and the machine songs and this year was no exception.

First: Seven Devils. My characters aren't usually people you would want to cross, but it especially reminds me of my Shadow and Bone OC, Marya. She can be ruthless and is a fearsome presence on the battlefield.

"Holy water cannot help you now / Thousand armies couldn't keep me out / I don't want your money / I don't want your crown / See, I've come to burn your kingdom down."

Next is Only if for a night. Ismene, the protagonist of one of my WIPs, has just lost her mother. This song about being visited in a dream by a dead relative was perfect.

"And the only solution was to stand and fight / And my body was bruised and I was set alight / But you came over me like some holy rite /And although I was burning, you're the only light."

Last is Shake it Out. I associate it with another of my characters who lost herself, hit rock bottom, but is determined to find her way in spite of her suffering.

"All of his questions, such a mournful sound /Tonight I'm gonna bury that horse in the ground /'Cause I like to keep my issues drawn /But it's always darkest before the dawn"

13) How did you change as a writer?

I learned many positive things and I improved my writing, but one thing I've learned was to handle disappointement.

In January, I posted my Fire Emblem Three Houses fanfic on AO3. I put a lot of work in it. It's a novel-length story, I created 4 OCs, with their backstories, their personalities... Since this game has a lot of dead or invisible mothers, I gave them a face and a story. I expanded on some of the game's lore.

And clearly, I was disappointed by the relative lack of interactions. I'm not writing for clout, but I'm also posting my stories in the hope of connecting with other people. But that wasn't really the case on AO3. I had to wait 8 months before getting my first comment.

Of course, it still had some interactions, so I don't want to sound ungrateful. I don't want to be internet famous (especially since there are cases of harassment against authors in this fandom). But the thing is that I hoped for...more. And it felt like screaming in the void, especially after having put all this work.

Then, I published my Shadow and Bone fanfic and the response was very different and heartwarming. This made me realize that the problem wasn't probably with my writing or storytelling, but mainly with the fandom. This fandom doesn't seem to want what I have to offer (I wish people would step out their comfort zone and stop being this wary of OCs. Maybe I will elaborate on this later).

Furthermore, the people who read this story enjoyed it. And I had fun writing it. So I chose to focus on the positive side of this experience and I will keep writing about my characters because I believe in their potential.

[inwoundedhands]

Here's a snippet of the newest chapter of ruthlessness!

Greetings all! I'm in a kind of writing rut, so I decided to give it a sneak peek now that I can feel it fading.

Almost immediately, Lauren began to fall. Her eyes were still closed, and what she heard made her keep them clenched shut.

A cacophony of different noises assaulted her. The song continued, the piano pulses seeming to match up with the sound of hoofbeats, barely decipherable over a child’s cries.

Flashes of light began filtering through her vision, and she realized that her eyes weren’t closed at all. It was just darkness all around her. The flashes began to become more frequent, bringing scenes of color that burned into her retinas.

At first, she saw herself holding Andy when he finally left the NICU. She marveled as the quiet child breathed deeply, slumber smoothing out the plains of the baby’s face. Slowly, as Lauren watched, Andy awoke, and when he opened his mouth, a deafening cry escaped him. Darkness overtook the scene. Lauren was no longer watching as she held Andy, only watching as Andy was taken from her arms, crying. She watched as her younger self, only slightly past age three, reached for him, her cries accompanying Andy’s.

The scene changed.

She saw a man at an altar, and a woman clutching at her stomach.

She saw great flashes of red and gold and white as she felt the feeling of strength overcoming not only her but the entire room, exploding in a cascade of pure power.

She saw a mother cradling two bundles, tears streaming as they were removed from her hands.

The scenes began to change, as Lauren fell deeper into the void, the sounds of hoofbeats and a child crying still accompanying the music.

She saw two children running alongside each other, skipping over rocks that shone like stars amid an expansive pool of water. The rocks seemed to glow brightly, a kaleidoscope of color,  when the children landed on them and they disappeared entirely as the children passed them.

Everything changed when one of the children stumbled. 

“You’re in danger, little wolf.” A voice came to her somewhere from the back of her mind.

As the child fell, the crying became wailing, and the light began to dull, leaving the fallen child in darkness that seemed all-encompassing. The other child kept going, seemingly unaware.

As they got farther apart, the crying got louder. It became wailing then screaming. The ground began to shake, the water becoming disturbed. As if it was raining, thousands of droplets hit the water. The hoof beats were thundering, matching the staccato of the hiccuping breaths of the crying child. Then there was no sound, there was no light, and they were alone in the dark.

Then a light broke through the dark, bright and brilliant and warm. Golden.

“You’re not ready to see this.” That same voice came. She vaguely recognized it as Andreas’s.

The fallen child reached toward it, letting the warmth and light travel up their arm, racing up as it spread through their body. The child began laughing, a light tinkling sound, and contentment spread through the air, surging through even Lauren. Happy tears flowed down her cheeks, the detachment of the emotion leaving Lauren feeling like she was in someone else’s body. 

“It is too soon, you need to open your eyes.” Andreas directed, but Lauren’s body was no longer her own.

The light shifted, the gold accompanied by white and specks of red. Surges of power jolted through the child, straightening their limbs as they began to stand. The child studied their hands, flexing their fingers, watching as the light danced around their fingertips.

Then the light reached their heart.

“Open your eyes!”

Pain like no other flooded Lauren’s body as she watched the child convulse, the light growing brighter and brighter as the darkness was burnt away. Everything was burnt away, including the child, including Lauren-

“GET OUT!”

New chapters coming on the 30th!

[angels-heap]

I’m slowly making peace with the fact that I will never have the time or energy to write the Barney/Lauren-focused prequel to The Ghost in You that has been bouncing around in my brain for like 4 years, no matter how much I might want to or who might want to read it, but I still want to talk about it. Might scream into the void later. Who knows?

[andrewmoocow]

Two Sides of the Same Gem chapter 3: Gotta Get Back (originally posted on February 13, 2023)

AN: We're just about ready for the climax, everyone. The race for the alternate Seer to the Void is on between the Crystal Regime and the Lucent Gems, and with it, the fate of two worlds rests in our heroes' hands. Will Jasper and White Topaz make it to the Seer's location and save their friends from other-dimensional domination? And what truly is the method to Lord Steven's madness?

Cast:

Kimberly Brooks as Jasper, Overcooked Jasper

Lauren Ash as White Topaz, Rebel White Topaz

Zach Callison as Lord Steven

Noël Wells as Black Rutile, Rebel Black Rutile

Della Saba as Aquamarine, Rebel Aquamarine

Charlyne Yi as Eyeball, Rebel Eyeball

Christine Pedi as Holly Blue Agate, Rebel Holly Blue

Casey Lee Williams as Cat's Eye, Rebel Cat's Eye

Jinkx Monsoon as Rebel Emerald

Kari Wahlgren as Rebel Pyrope

Melissa Fahn as Rebel Demantoid

Hayley Kiyoko as Rebel Morganite

Estelle as Toxic Garnet, Garnet

Michaela Dietz as Sadist Amethyst, Amethyst

Deedee Magno-Hall as Sycophant Pearl, Pearl

Jennifer Paz as Psycho Lapis, Rebel Zuli, Lapis

Shelby Rabara as Nihilist Peridot, Peridot

Grace Rolek as Rebel Connie

--

"Please stop; there's good in your heart!" Cat's Eye, now shapeshifted into Steven, wailed to Holly Blue, shapeshifted into Black Rutile, as the two performed the Crystal Regime.

"Oh, don't mind me; I'm just going to shoot this dog." Holly Blue proclaimed while pointing a laser gun at a plush dog she was holding. "In the face. Where else would I kill it?"

"I don't want to hurt you!" Cat's Eye continued sobbing dramatically as Eyeball cranked the volume up on Pagliacci.

"And now I'm thinking of stealing the dead bodies of the elderly and selling them on the black market!" Holly Blue continued, to the amusement of the Regime.

"ONLY YOU CAN SAVE YOURSELF!" Cat's Eye began throwing a fit like an angry child to emphasize her portrayal of Steven.

"I think we should stop them; we get the point." The alternate Peridot advised Lord Steven as Cat and Holly's show continued.

"No, let them continue." Lord Steven purred. "For this is the absolute dumbest thing I've ever seen."

"PLEASE, JUST LISTEN TO ME!" Cat screamed sorrowfully with her head bowed to the ground in desperation.

"I'll only listen to you when you accept that not everyone will bend the knee and listen to you!" Holly finally yelled back at the lawyer-turned-rebel.

"No, no, I don't want to!" Cat pouted, only to break character and turn to her boss. "Do I seriously have to do this? I did not take that online method acting class just to wind up with a role like this!"

"It's for added dramatic effect, now do it, idiot!" Black Rutile whispered back before tossing a toy car to Cat's Eye. "Now play with this car until a wheel breaks off, and go wild from there."

"Whatever." Cat groaned in disappointment and got back into character by playing with the toy car, making driving sounds as she rolled it on the floor. As if right on cue, one of the front wheels broke off. "Silly old car! Silly, silly!" Throwing the car away, Cat threw an even louder tantrum than earlier that seemed to last for hours. A short while later, however, she got right back up and took a bow. "And scene!"

Garnet, Amethyst, Lapis, and Aquamarine all applauded in recognition of Cat's Eye's parodic acting skills as Black Rutile stepped forward. "You see what we had to deal with here, milord? We were forced to deal with a complete manchild, not unlike Pink Diamond!"

"Are you sure this is how he got what he wanted?" Lord Steven asked in reply.

"Well, either that or turn into a monster and go on a murderous rampage when he doesn't get his way." Aquamarine responded. "Are you capable of doing that?"

"I never had the time to experiment." Steven answered. "Now, if we have nothing else to discuss, unlike the Seer to the Void of your world, Pink Diamond successfully acquired it from the Mystical Knights of Nog-Na-Tir in Mount Kilimanjaro before slaughtering them all. The Seer is currently located in a vault that we disguised as a star in the Big Dipper."

"And once we find that and go to your world, I'm gonna beat that world's Lapis like a drum!" the psychotic Lapis exclaimed with a deranged laugh. "Going from fearsome terraformer to emotionally unstable art student? Not on my watch!"

"I'd also like to compare notes with my counterpart through capture and interrogation." Lord Steven's Peridot added flatly. "Perhaps her high intellect could be useful to the regime, provided she doesn't try to dodge any questions I might have with annoying jokes."

"Then it's settled; we must leave immediately!" Steven's sociopathic, sycophantic Pearl proclaimed. Elsewhere, the same figure had a recorder pulled out, transmitting the conversation to whoever was on the other end.

--

"-unlike the Seer to the Void of your world, Pink Diamond successfully acquired it from the Mystical Knights of Nog-Na-Tir in Mount Kilimanjaro before slaughtering them all. The Seer is currently located in a vault that we disguised as a star in the Big Dipper." The spy played Lord Steven's declaration back for the Lucent Gems in their secret base.

"So they stole the Seer to the Void in this world." White Topaz reiterated Steven's words. "Well, what are we waiting for?! We have to stop them now!"

"You are indeed correct, Topaz." Black Rutile replied, unaware that she was talking to the wrong Topaz.

"Uh, I think she's the one talking to you." The rebel White Topaz said. "Then again, what did you expect to happen when meeting myself from another dimension?"

"My mistake; multiverses can be so confusing." Black Rutile chuckled heartily. "Now, without further ado, we simply must carry on and save both worlds!"

"I am with you till the bitter end, my Rutile!" the Lucent Gems' Aquamarine proclaimed.

"Wait, what were we talking about?" the alternate Eyeball wondered, her mind having wandered to a moth that fluttered into the cave.

"Oh, your enthusiasm fills me with such delight." Holly Blue chuckled warmly.

"Whatever." Zuli rolled her eyes before pulling out her phone to look at.

"At long last, the Regime's day of reckoning may have finally come!" Emerald exclaimed triumphantly. "Oh, how I long to hear Steven's screams of agony as his empire falls, his allies are purged of life, and he loses any sort of will to li-"

"Hey, cut it with the theatrics, Shakespeare." Pyrope snarked with a mouthful of a hoagie. "Let me guess; you're gonna say life is a walking shadow next?"

"What are we standing around for? Don't we have a multiverse to save?" Demantoid asked.

"She's right; we're wasting time here!" Morganite agreed with Demantoid, inciting some chatter among the Lucent Gems.

"So, I just wanted to ask you something." White Topaz asked the alternate version of her former superior. "Is the Lucent Gems just you guys? I thought there would be many more soldiers under your command, just like my Black Rutile. Like, does Eduardo Suarez ring a bell? Bane Jones, Beckham Jordan, Lars Barriga, maybe even Cinnabar?"

"We are only the core of the resistance." Black Rutile confirmed dourly. "But alas, we have lost many a good soldier to the Regime over our long history. Many were killed in action, turned into prisoners of war, or brainwashed into becoming Steven's loyal servants." She then pulled out an old picture of herself posing with what White Topaz assumed to be her equivalent to Cinnabar. "I especially feel the loss of Cinnabar to this day. The two of us didn't see eye to eye a lot, but it always pained me to remember her sacrifice to save my life in the Battle of Empire City."

"You've been through a lot." Jasper said comfortingly, putting a hand on the heroic Rutile's shoulder. "It's a miracle you're so stable after all that loss."

"Oh, trust me, I have many ways to cope, like acting like a lovable buffoon, for example!" Black Rutile happily proclaimed.

"Oh yes, and we love you so much for that!" Cat's Eye said, literally swooning over her boss, much to the Rutile's annoyance.

"So, anything we can use to get to the Big Dipper?" Jasper asked. Black Rutile responded by gesturing towards a large spaceship in the near distance. "We call this the Servant. Some Black Pearls formerly used it under my command before they fell in combat. We shall reach the Big Dipper in a cinch with this vessel!"

"Awesome!" White Topaz exclaimed. "Hopefully, the Regime won't already be listening in on us!"

--

Back at the Crystal Regime's base of operations, preparations were being made to Steven's primary warship, formerly belonging to Pink Diamond, for the voyage to the Big Dipper. As Lord Steven gazed upon his mighty vessel, his unstable Garnet tapped him on the shoulder. "Excuse me, milord?" she asked Steven. "I need to speak with you for a moment."

"What do you need, Garnet?" Steven asked his toxically fused servant as Garnet took him away to talk in private.

"It's about our ranks." Garnet stoically declared, only to immediately switch from Sapphire to Ruby. "We have a squealing rat among us! She's been feeding information to the resistance; I've been spying on her for months now!"

"A spy?" Steven said. "Who? Who could it be?!"

"I think it might be Jasper, it has to be Jasper!" Garnet dramatically warned Steven as she resisted the urge to unfuse into Ruby and Sapphire. "She's finally had it with our abuse of her, and now she's striking back!"

"I should've known." Steven murmured to himself, thinking back to Jasper's torment under his subordinates.

--

"SWIRLIE TIME!" Lapis cackled sadistically while holding Lapis by the ankle over a massive whirlpool.

"No, wait, please don't dunk me!" Jasper begged to be spared, but her words fell on deaf ears before she was dropped into the whirlpool and sucked away.

--

"You sure this is safe?" Jasper asked meekly as she stood in front of a highly volatile plasma globe Peridot was experimenting on.

"Safe, not safe? It doesn't matter." Peridot said calmly while taking notes. When Jasper gently placed her orange hands on the globe, it caused an electric shock that would seem lethal to a normal human being, followed by the globe exploding in her face. "Huh, it wasn't safe after all."

"YOU THINK?!" Jasper shrieked angrily before suddenly poofing, the sudden explosion taking its toll on her physical form.

--

"Begin!" Pearl exclaimed in the middle of a training session, prompting a wrestling match between Jasper and Amethyst. Unfortunately for Jasper, it was completely one-sided in Amethyst's favor.

"NOOGIE, NOOGIE, NOOGIE!" Amethyst laughed as she gave Jasper a violent noogie before switching to lashing at Jasper with her whip.

"UNCLE, UNCLE!" Jasper screamed as she reached out for Pearl to end the match, but Pearl elected not to pay attention and read a magazine instead.

"Hm, Foster Kane is running against Arnold Clump for president." Pearl muttered while flipping through the pages of her tabloid.

--

"Please, Jasper, I need to be stable!" Garnet yelled to Jasper as she began to come apart in a rather horrifying fashion. "Please, fuse with me; I can't hold on any longer!"

"No, get away from me!" Jasper yelled and tried to escape. "Someone let me out; please let me out!"

"Join us, Jasper; make us feel whole!" Garnet moaned as she slowly split in two, the halves forming into her equivalent of Ruby and Sapphire before suddenly bursting into a cloud of smoke, leaving her components' gems lying on the floor in front of a traumatized Jasper.

--

"Men!" Lord Steven called out for his armed forces, clad in pink armor with rose sigils on their shoulders and carrying taser guns. "We have a traitorous Jasper among us. Find and eliminate her at once!"

"SIR, YES, SIR!" the troopers bellowed and marched away in search of Jasper.

"Thank you very much for your warnings, Garnet." Steven sighed with relief before turning to Garnet. "It's good that your toxic formation hasn't hampered your future vision."

"That is where you're wrong, my lord!" Garnet theatrically responded. "I saw a multitude of futures where the traitor could be anyone! It could be Pearl! It could be Amethyst! It could even be me!"

"Enough of this!" Lord Steven shut Garnet down. "I don't care how long it takes! Anyone who opposes me will be destroyed, and the mark of my dignity shall scar thy gem!"

--

"Another day, another eternity in this god-forbidden cell." Connie groaned quietly as she carved out a new tally mark on her prison cell wall. By her estimate, she's been trapped here for fifteen years since that faithful assassination mission disguised as allowing Steven to become her friend. Maybe in a different life, the two could've been an unstoppable team instead of on opposing sides of the war, perhaps something more. But no time to dwell on the past, Connie was instead wondering how she hadn't been executed by now, like what happened to her parents for their outcry against Lord Steven.

"Hey, hey, over here." Connie heard a voice call out, making her turn to discover the overcooked Jasper on the other side. "It's me; I'm here to break you out!"

"What?" Connie asked as she raced to face the Jasper. "This better not be some kind of trick by Steven."

"No, I'm being serious here." Jasper said as she pulled off a panel and manipulated some wires operating Connie's cell. "I'm on your side; I'm a mole in the Crystal Regime for the Lucent Gems, here to free you from this prison."

"Wait, I never knew about a mole!" Connie exclaimed. "Then again, I was trapped here for fifteen years, so what do I know?"

"The Gems all saw how abused I was, so they recruited me as a way of helping me get revenge." Jasper continued before finally letting Connie out of her prison for the first time in more than a decade. "By the way, you're welcome."

"Thank you." Connie sighed in relief, knowing that a friendly face had been here all along. "So, ready to take me back to base?"

"Yeah, we got a few new friends ready to help us stop Steven." Jasper replied. "One of them is even an alternate me! You gotta see this!"

"Wait, an alternate you?" Connie wondered before the alarms began going off, followed by Lord Steven's troops charging into the prison to corner the duo.

"FREEZE!" the soldiers boomed as they pointed their guns at Connie and Jasper.

"Jasper, under the orders of Lord Steven Universe, supreme ruler of the planet Earth and leader of the Crystal Regime, we now place you under arrest for your betrayal and sentence you to death!" the leader of the troops exclaimed. "How do you plead?"

"I don't know," Jasper replied while summoning her crash helmet. "how about you?"

--

Meanwhile, the Lucent Gems were preparing the Servant for its voyage to the Big Dipper. As the resistance was getting ready for what could possibly be their biggest mission yet, Jasper took some time to reflect on the status of this world and how one simple decision had changed everything.

"I still can't believe it, Paz, a world where Pink Diamond decided to conquer Earth instead of saving it." Jasper muttered. "The Pink Diamond of our world may have done some shady stuff, but I don't think world domination was ever one of them."

"Maybe the Diamonds were way worse to her here than ours were." White Topaz agreed. "Well, good thing they never went that far, huh?"

"Who knows?" Jasper shrugged. Just then, there was a knock at the stone door, followed by what she believed to be her voice on the other side.

"Hello, are you still there, Black Rutile?" Jasper's voice asked from outside. "It's me, your spy."

"Wait, I'm the spy?!" Jasper gasped as Black Rutile let her mole in with her fellow escapee.

"What a twist!" White Topaz gasped as well.

"Not that much of a twist." The parallel White Topaz snarked as the alternate Jasper and Connie entered the base.

"So, you must be the me of this world." Jasper said as she met with her alternate counterpart for the first time. "Aren't you a little skinny to be a Jasper?"

"No, I'm wonderful the way I am." The other Jasper said awkwardly, enamored with her mirror self's more muscular body. "Anyways, I'd like you to meet Connie, another rebellion member."

"I know a Connie in my world!" White Topaz exclaimed while Demantoid worked on building a prosthetic arm for Connie. "What's your story like compared to hers?"

"I never got the chance for a normal childhood under Steven's reign of terror," Connie replied morosely. "The moment my mother tried to speak out against the Crystal Regime, she and my dad were sentenced to death while Black Rutile raised me. I had gone on a few missions since then, until one faithful day."

--

Fifteen years prior, Connie was given a special mission by Black Rutile. Her objective was to lure Steven into a trap and pretend to befriend him until the time was right for her to assassinate him when he least expected it. Sitting down on the beach with some glasses and a book as part of her disguise, Connie waited patiently for Steven to appear as she was told he could be walking around any second now.

Just then, just as predicted, Steven left his beachside palace with a hover scooter by his side, ready to show it off to whoever may see him. "Some smooth ride, this craft is." Steven said to himself. "Gotta thank Peridot for souping this up for me. Five speeds, handbrakes, blue electric finish, and a tiger bell!" Steven turned to face Connie, who was pretending to be a little too engrossed in her book to notice, while Black Rutile and her forces lurked above with a boulder ready to crush Steven at a moment's notice.

"Come on, come on." Black Rutile muttered as she glared down at Steven continuing to try to get Connie's attention.

"Excuse me, but could you please turn your attention to my new ride?" Steven asked. "Your ruler demands it."

"Oh, sorry, I was busy reading Catcher in the Rye." Connie pretended to apologize when she finally noticed Steven. "Nice car you got there."

"It's a hover scooter, technically." Steven corrected the girl. "Haven't seen you around my glorious kingdom lately. What's your name?"

"My name's Connie, my lord." Connie introduced herself. "What brings you outside? Shouldn't you be ordering slaves around or building grand monuments to yourself?"

"No, I simply felt like talking with my subjects today." Steven answered. "So when I saw you outside my castle, I thought you needed someone to talk to."

"Just what I thought." Connie's docile expression turned into a smirk before she gave the signal. "NOW!" At the girl's orders, Black Rutile shoved the boulder off the cliff, and it fell towards Steven, but he readily summoned his shield and smashed it to pieces.

"What is the meaning of this?!" Steven yelled. "I thought you wanted to be my friend! Are you really working with the rebels?!"

"Yes, they're the only family I have left after you had my parents executed!" Connie replied angrily as Black Rutile, Emerald, and Aquamarine landed behind her. "We, the Lucent Gems, place you and your subordinates under arrest for your crimes against the universe! How do you plead?"

"Are you threatening me, human?" Steven asked as his soldiers gathered behind him.

"The senate shall decide your fate." Connie responded.

"I AM the senate!" Steven corrected his new friend-turned-foe.

"Not yet." Connie declared harshly, prompting Steven to summon his shield again.

"It's treason then." Steven snarled as he charged at Connie, and the two clashed. Though the battle was intense and Connie seemed to have the edge, some trickery courtesy of Steven allowed him to gain the upper hand and subdue her. The Lucent Gems were forced to make a tactical retreat, leaving Connie to be imprisoned for the next fifteen years.

"Heard you captured another rebel, sire." Pearl said to Steven later that day as he gazed at the sunset with a Cookie Cat beside him. "How she manipulated you into thinking she could be your friend."

"Typical humans." Steven scoffed at the notion. "They say they could be your friend only to stab you in the back when you least expect it. Hence why I prefer the company of my subjects rather than any lowly creatures like them."

"I do agree." Pearl smiled sadistically. "Humans lead such short, boring, insignificant lives, so they make up stories to feel like they're a part of something bigger. They want to blame all the world's problems on some single enemy they can fight, instead of a complex network of interrelated forces beyond anyone's control."

"Right as always, Pearl." Steven grinned back. "I knew there was a reason my mother kept you around."

--

As soon as Connie finished her story, the Lucent Gems, Jasper, and White Topaz rocketed on the Servant off of Earth, where they discovered the Crystal Regime's flagship, The Universe flying next to them.

"Of course, you two would join up with them!" the main Black Rutile said to her versions of White Topaz and Jasper on the viewscreen, before coming into contact with her good self for the first time. "And I suppose you must be me of this world, huh?"

"Look, there's even other us's too!" Aquamarine exclaimed as she appeared on the screen as well. "Ick, they're all rebels!"

"Wait, is that Emerald with them?" Holly Blue added. "And Demantoid and Pyrope too?!"

"Is that us?" the motherly counterpart of Holly Blue asked regarding her, Aquamarine, Eyeball, and Cat's Eye's doppelgangers. "Oh my, I didn't realize this other me could look so cruel."

"And I didn't realize I'd have a counterpart who's a complete wimp!" Holly Blue yelled. "But not to worry, we will steal the Seer to the Void, and we will conquer both worlds with the Regime's help!"

"Correction, I'm not helping you; you're helping me." Lord Steven proclaimed. "Oh, hello, Connie. I see you're readjusting to normal society nicely."

"We'll make you pay for this, Steven." Connie responded. "All engines, full power!" The Servant and The Universe began going even faster toward the Big Dipper, both sides having their own goals for the artifact. Their ships seemed equally matched in speed, durability, and other assorted weaponry; the Servant ultimately won the race, and the Lucent Gems reached the Big Dipper vault.

"The vault should be somewhere on this star!" White Topaz said as the heroes searched for the vault. "Jasper!"

"Yes?" the two Jaspers turned to White Topaz upon hearing their shared name.

"Not you, her!" White Topaz explained, pointing to the skinny Jasper.

"Oh yeah, if we need to find the vault, we need the secret password!" the alternate Jasper explained.

"So what is it, is it 'password'?" White Topaz asked. "Ooh, or maybe it's 12345!"

"No, it can't be!" the rebellious Black Rutile insisted. "It might be 'drowssap.' It's like password spelled backward!"

"Everyone be quiet! I think I know what it could be." Connie declared. "If every porkchop were perfect, we wouldn't have hot dogs!" Suddenly, a massive outline of a star began rising from the ground to reveal the hiding place of the Seer to the Void. "Awesome."

"Awesome indeed." Lord Steven boomed as he strolled onto the scene with the primary Black Rutile by his side. "Thank you all so much for leading me to the Seer. I let you go ahead so you could reveal its location to us."

"Of course, you'd pull something like that." Jasper scowled before she was struck in the back of her head by one of Steven's soldiers. "Hey, what's the big idea?! Someone help us!"

"Oh, we are so terribly sorry; we seem to be tied up at the moment." The alternate Aquamarine apologized as the Lucent Gems were rounded up for capture.

"What are you going to do to us?!" White Topaz asked as she and Jasper were brought before Black Rutile and Lord Steven. "If you're planning to shatter us, get it over with already!"

"Hey, don't give up like that, sweetie!" Jasper replied to White Topaz.

"No, you're simply far too useful to us to get rid of now." Lord Steven revealed. "We simply plan on sending you back to your world as a way of sending a message."

"What kind of message?" Jasper asked.

"That we're coming." Black Rutile smiled eerily.

--

"White Topaz hasn't reported back yet with her findings." Pearl muttered as she gazed at the portal in Black Rutile's house with Garnet and Amethyst in the prime universe. "You think something bad happened?"

"Well, duh, Pearl, they're in another universe!" Amethyst exclaimed. "Of course, they'd have no way of contacting us through normal means unless we had some kind of special communicator."

"Regardless, we need to keep hoping that things will turn out alright." Garnet nodded before her future vision began to prove otherwise. "Oh no, things won't turn out alright!" Just then, the Vortexxer activated, and Jasper and White Topaz were launched out of the portal. "We were worried for you two!"

"What did you see on the other side?" Pearl asked worriedly.

"Oh, you would not believe what universe we went to!" White Topaz cried. "It was like this creepy bizarro world where Steven was evil, and Black Rutile was good, and the Crystal Gems of that universe took over the Earth instead of saving it!"

"Wait, Black Rutile a good guy?" Amethyst raised an eyebrow in confusion. "Now I know it's a bizarro world!"

"Look, the point is, we tried to help this parallel version of the Rutile Rebels that were like a resistance against Steven," Jasper explained. "but things went south when we went out on a mission to find this other Seer to the Void, and now-"A massive explosion went off outside. "We're too late!"

Racing outside, the five Gems saw the other residents of Little Homeworld looking up in shock as Lord Steven's armada hovered over Little Homeworld, ships flying everywhere on Earth to signify that the invasion had begun.

"Guys, what are those?" Peridot nervously asked.

"Are we being invaded again?" Lapis added.

"What's even going on?!" Bismuth yelled.

"Okay, guys, this is gonna sound a little crazy." White Topaz began to explain everything to the B-team.

--

We have officially reached the endgame, everyone! Our heroes may be down, but they certainly aren't out. Will the Lucent Gems be the Crystal Gems' only hope of saving both worlds from Lord Steven's tyranny? How will the Gems react to their regime counterparts? And will a certain half-Gem be able to reunite with the Crystal Gems to help them? Find out on the final part of Two Sides of the Same Gem!

[thats-rough-marci]

Because I'm thinking about how ace I am

And I haven't seen any other mention of it myself...

I have to bring up Midnight Mass and Erin and Rileys relationship

The fact that Riley was always there for her without expecting sex

That they slept in the same bed together simply because Erin didn't want to be alone, but it didn't become sexual. Hell I don't think they even kissed? They were still dressed, on top of the covers! And it was just so sweet and refreshing and I'm so fucking glad that they could just BE they could just be together without falling into that trope.

Like its always "will you stay with me tonight?" And then boom sex scene but NO! Because that's not what Erin needed or wanted! She just needed her friend by her side and I'm losing my mind that I was allowed to see that? That they were allowed to just be? That they're absolutely in love with each other and you can absolutely tell and they don't have to like... have sex in order to prove it to the audience??

Man it just made me real happy ok

[idiotic-problem]

Hello your askbox is no longer bare

you are correct!! but if no one else sends asks, it will be again

[regardstosoulandromance]

I am listening to a podcast about tumblr and one of the hosts WORKS AT TUMBLR.

[leben-s-freude]

someday i’m going build up enough motivation to collect all my favourite quotes from books i’ve read and then tinker together incoherent posts and y’all will have to listen to what I have to say!

[i-crei]

Curt: Ladybird is such a cow name. If I owned a cow I'd name it ladybird

Owen: you know ladybird is also a name for a ladybug right

Curt:

Curt: shhhhh

[thebulletinhamilton-quotes]

John: Excuse me.

John: *goes into the woods*

John: SWEET DEATH COME FOR ME! AHHHHH!