#lauren was literally in charge of him yet they just made a man so they could kiss

[thevoiceofdesertbluffs]

early night vale fandom made diego to be in charge of kevin because they didn't like yhe fact that lauren, a woman, was kevin's supervisor/basically in charge of him back in the strex days.

[pub-lius]

ACTUALLY Hardcore Facts About Alexander Hamilton

Alright, take two.

I've already typed this entire thing out once, so this is likely going to be a lot more lazy than anything else I will ever post, so :).

Sources: Alexander Hamilton by Ron Chernow; John Laurens and the American Revolution by Gregory D. Massy; The Federalist by Alexander Hamilton; George Washington's Indispensible Men by Authur S. Lefkowitz; Lafayette by Harlow Giles Unger; Who Was Alexander Hamilton? by Pam Pollack and Meg Belviso

Hamilton wished for a war when he was like a baby. So if you know Hamilton, you know that one line where Hamilton says "As a kid of the Carribean, I wished for a war, I knew that I was poor, I knew it was the only way to rISE UP-" in Right Hand Man. Well, that line is based off of a letter Hamilton sent to his childhood bestie, Edward Stevens: "...Ned, my ambition is [so] prevalent that I... would willingly risk my life, tho' not my character, to exalt my station... I'm no philosopher, you see, and may be jus[t]ly said to build castles in the air... I shall conclude by saying I wish there was a war. Alex. Hamilton." Okay, dude, calm down, you're like two years old. I think he was actually like 14-16, but for dramatic purposes we'll say he was an actual infant (do I sound like Chernow?). But I hate how much this letter foreshadows. It's like he jinxed himself, its almost embarrassing.

Hamilton ran a business at 14. Now if you've ever been fourteen and you were like "i think i feel like running a business" literally shut up no one asked. I think this is impressive. When Hamilton was at least 14, the guys the owned Beekman and Cruger (it had a different name by this time but this one sounds cooler) just dipped and left Hamilton in charge. This was actually a pretty good decision, since Hamilton managed it well. There was also this one time where Hamilton told a whole captain of a ship who didn't perform up to standard, "Reflect continually on the unfortunate voyage you have just made and endeavor to make up for the considerable loss therefrom accruing to your owners." This man was so arrogant I wish I had his confidence. Yeah that was cool ig, but if I met teenage-Hamilton, I'd literally hate him.

Hamilton saved the president of his college. Ever the dramatic, Hamilton had a thing for suppressing mobs (though he was pretty much never successful). There was this one time at King's College where a mob formed to "talk" with the president of the university, Dr. Myles Cooper (by "talk" i mean make him into a tory bird). And, according to Who Was Alexander Hamilton? (this book gives me so much joy), "Alexander vowed to protect him [aww]... He stood up to the crowd, telling them that violence would only hurt their cause. He couldn't stop the crowd, but he delayed them long enough for Dr. Myles Cooper to escape in his nightgown," (Pollack and Belviso 27-29). This is a really sweet description of it, but Hamilton was probably calling the mob a bunch of insults and stuff, judging by how he later handled riots. Also, Cooper thought Hamilton was rallying the mob, so he was a complete jerk to Hamilton, but rightfully. Everyone, bully Hamilton. He's short and dead like an idiot.

Hamilton was really cool on the battlefield, don't @ me. Now, despite being a clumsy little gremlin and an absolute dork, Hamilton was a pretty good leader, and I guess veterans deserve to be recognized for their victories or whatever. At the battle of Princeton, one of my favorites, Hamilton had very big, cool guns, and did some cool stuff. "Returning to the final phase of the battle of Princeton, British infantry took refuge inside Nassau Hall, the building that housed the College of New Jersey. American artillery commanded by Capt. Alexander Hamilton [ya boy] was brought to bear on the college building... Washington was on the scene and noticed this young artillery officer who skillfully commanded his gun battery. The general would soon invite Hamilton to become one of his aides-de-camp," (Lefkowitz 92). Wow so cool moving on to Yorktown.

When the Americans were building their fortifications, two British fortifications were in the way. So rude. Consequently, Washington sent The Gay Trio, Lafayette, Laurens, and Hamilton, to uh, silence them. Hamilton pulled off a successful sneak attack, and won the battle swiftly, leading to the American victory in the battle of Yorktown, and therefore the war. "...Colonel Hamilton['s] well known talents and gallantry were on this occasion most conspicuous and serviceable. Our obligations to him, to Colonel Gimat [stan], to Colonel Laurens, and to each and all the officers are above expression..." -Major General Marquis de Lafayette. Lafayette is so nice I would marry him if he was alive and single and legal and not old as hell. Like omg he gave credit to everyone but himself that's so nice I'm such a simp for Lafayette. Anyway, Hamilton was cool too ig.

Hamilton caused the evacuation of Philadelphia like an iDIOT. So, after Brandywine (British victory), Washington sent Hamilton on a foraging mission in Vally Forge to get flour, horseshoes, and tomahawks (not quite as exciting as Yorktown). Well, our clumsy ginger rat got caught, and wrote to the president of Congress, John Hancock, "If Congress have not yet left Philadelphia, they ought to do it immediately without fail, for the enemy have the means of throwing a party [party rockers in the house tonight] this night into the city. I have just now crossed the valley-ford [Valley Forge], in doing which a party of the enemy came down & fired upon us."

Surprise, this turned out not to be the entire goddamn British army, it was just a few scouts sooo... let's just say Philadelphia wasn't happy. "Our Removal from Philad. Was owning to information that General Howe was crossing Schuylkill [River]... However tho' this Intelligence was from one of the General's family (Alexander Hamilton) it was not well founded & we wish we had not left Philad.," -James Duane. Yeeeaaahhh, that's awkward. Not the best way to get your name known in the capital, I must say.

Hamilton was possibly bisexual, and this is hardcore because I say so. Now, I'll add more quotes to this later, but basically heres my interpretation of the historical evidence and whatnot. Basically, Hamilton was a really closed off, cynical guy, since like everyone he ever loved died or left him pretty much, and he wasn't really the type to make and keep close friends; "...how little dependence is to be placed on treaties, which have no other sanction than the obligations of good faith, and which oppose general considerations of peace and justice to the impulse of any immediate interest or passion," (Federalist 64); It is a known fact in human nature, that its affections are commonly weak in proportion to the distance or diffusiveness of the object," (Federalist 73). Um, Mr. Hamilton? You're projecting your trauma on the government again.

Also, despite working with him for like twenty years, Hamilton really never got close to Washington, like at all. He even said to Laurens, "I have no friendship for him and have professed none," in regards to Washington, which is kind of mean. But he ALSO told Laurens:

"Cold in my professions, warm in my friendships, I wish, my dear Laurens, it m[ight] be in my power by action rather than words [to] convince you that I love you. I shall only tell you that till you bade us adieu, I hardly knew the value you had taught my heart to set upon you. Indeed, my friend, it was not well done. You know the opinion I entertain of mankind and how much it is my desire to preserve myself free from particular attachments and to keep my happiness independent of the caprice of others. You s[hould] not have taken advantage of my sensibility to ste[al] into my affections without my consent."

*mocking Hamilton* its YOUR fault that i love you and it was RUDE that you FORCED me to love you how DARE you you SUCK i love you uwu.

Also, at the top of that letter, someone mysterious (probably Hamilton's son) wrote, "I must not publish the whole of this," and Massey still thinks Hamilton was straight.

But yeah, that's about it. I had originally written more at the beginning, but I unfortunately lost the original draft, so I'll just settle for this. I hope you enjoyed, though, and maybe learned something or found a quote you needed or something. I did more research than I wanted to in one sitting for this, so appreciate it or I'll cry. Thanks love you <3

[garylloyd]

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[bookishbea]

Black Friday Reaction

Okay so I’ll be live tweeting Black Friday but none of it will have any sense to it but it’ll just be my reactions

1. The Paul thing is really bothering me

2. I really love the mention of the other characters

3. If Jane is mention is the story about the mom mentioned some more

4. Is the delivery man ted (cause he’s also a sleazeball

5. It’s weird seeing Cory not play a pure bean

6. I love California MIA

7. The little sister (Im sorry I’m bad at names) I self project as autistic and she something else idk

8. Did anyone else noticed Robert’s Australian accent come out?

9. Like I said this is out of order so yeah but I personally think the second song in the show was very shocking as I’m not used to very serious starkid songs

10. When Robert gestures smoking i think its lowkey a refrence to the smoke club

11. I have a crush on lex

12. I love Lauren’s charecter so much

13. I love the name linda becuase it could be like a karen without using that name

14. Not to get poltical but i choose to belive they made an antivax joke

15. Also the marvel nerd in me loves the name becky barnes

16. I know its probaly not on purpose but joeys charecters costume in line looks like the homeless guy’s one

17. Jaimey is great as always

18. The conversation is so cringe i love it

19. I kinda hope torture porn is a fanfic refrence (i know most people would want me to say spies are forever but nope)

20. I love Lauren but shouldnt her accent be included when she sings

21. I love Jeff’s reaction

22. I may get some hate for this but what was bothering me in tgwdlm and i notice in starkid is lack of fan comments in the captions

23. As a theatre fan i love the toy zone song (i am not sure if thats the right name) espcially the do wop becuase it reminds me of older musicals

24. Also since i watched tgwdlm and black friday a day apart its weird to come from songs happening because they are infected to songs happening cause its a musical

25. i love the love the line we are not relaibly to anyone who dies becuase they clearly show in the trailer that someone will die (this is not a spoiler if you watch the trailer for Black Friday)

26. I love Corey but when he dances i notice a bulge (i am not a perv he makes it very obvious)

27. So i rewinded it to make sure i wanst going crazy and realized something as lex says the pepper spray line. She would be good as janis ian

28. I love the touch money part its so cute even if its not supposed to be

29. Jaime plays a perv really well

30. I love Jon’s charecter its hilarious

31. Also i love jon and lauren interactions so it was cool seeing them together not as paul and emma

32. I love seeing more of Jon because although hes reaally good at playing paul paul doesnt have any flavor and its cool seeing jon do something diffrent

33. Jeff’s fuck you

34. Okay I was right it was the homeless guy and i bet the money is paul’s money

35. And this is not a sterotpye as i am jewish myself but i bet Laurens charecter is jewish

36. Its sad that the price thing is true

37. So i am a theatre fan and do not watch got but that music kinda reminds me of got

38. Cant tell if jeff’s charecter is gay and a perv or just a perv (i realzie this could be mmisinterpreted as homophobic i just mean to say that jamie’s charecter just seems like a full out perv where as i cant tell with jeff’s)

39. Obviously you shouldnt be that insane but i do like the lines about how you are in charge of life and dont care about what others think. its goood life advice

39. Looks like Paul’s boss got his wish

40. They are all idiots for holding up the doll when everyone wants to get it

41. Corey’s charecter is like shit, money isnt that imporant

42. Becky why are you a part of this you have moral high ground (yes i am ignorning the fact that cast usually join in dance numbers even if their charecter isnt a part of it)

43. Shouldnt tom get ptsd (see above)

44. Lex you already have one (see above)

45. So i may be overthinking things but how curt says never should settle is in the tune of spies are forever

46. Is it just me or did anyone else notice when the security guard comes in the tune of show me your hands comes in

47. I dont know why but i do love soft bullies because hes like hey im punching you but only for the kid

48. Some may say its schizo or something hannah has but its anxiery or something from how shes expressing it

49. I feel like hannah has a superpower and can tell whats happening

50. Maybe webby is actually wiggly

51. Baby (both hannah and robert)

52. Please tell me my babies not dead

53. Jon’s eee is adorable and silly

54. Wait hes alive

55. Wait no hes dead, im sad liek starkid is supposed to be fun and happy this is the darkest star kid yet. Even oregon deaths were silly

56. I love starkid but this is making me anxious i cant tell if its good anxious or bad anxious

57. Also i relate to the black and white thing not fully but liek whenever i dont feel well sometimes my brain is overstimulating but only in my head its very hard to explain 

58. Also i think sometimes kids on the spectrum and im not an expert but i do have it kind of make a friend in their head and i do that too sometimes just to give me advice

59. Also i hope they dont get rid of the black and white as sometimes people go more crazy without the figurative voice in their head

60. Like i said this is going to be random order so i like that emma adopted paul;s Okay and no im not making a tfios refrence

61. Poor Tim

62. Poor becky but even less

63. i thought they were supposed to be mad at g-d but in this and tgwdlm they like g-d

64. I cant tell the other pins on joey’s jacket but the first two i notice are mr wiggly and paul

65. I love Lauren’s acting you can see the very sublte sadness in her

66. Lauren and Joey together ahhhh

67. I know its probaly not a big deal but they should give a seziure warning before the tv scene

68. Did they reuse curts spies are forever outfit

69. Really starkid the obama refrence seriously, i cant tell if im mad or laughing 

70. How did Bob get one

71. I do realize they are talking irl but i cant help but wonder if the nazis were a spies are forever refrence

72. Does wiggly have a special power or something 

73. I think its similar to the metero the closer you are the more power it has over you

74. The starkid special effects we all know and love

75. Also is that mcnamara

76. Also maybe shooting it (the doll) does the same thing that shooting the affceted does. Give them no power

77. I cant tell what the music reminds me of exactly but the tune does kinda refrence a diffrent star kid song

78. Jeff looks so proud of himself for the peeps line

79. I love the purposeful i presume reuse of lines

80. Is peip like men in black

81. Also hatchetfield kind of reminds me of night vale

82. Is the black and white like the upside down?

83. I wonder if the point was purposeful since someone was filming or just choreographed

84. Yes Jon Singing!!!!!

85. I love the act two opener

86. Did his parents really name him christmas?!?

87. Oh hes literally related to santa

88. I love lauren and joey as eleves

89. Noel another christmas name

90. Isnt the little dance move like a genie move or something

91. Its so cute that she insitincitvely went to their seats

92. Also carving is goals

93. Even though its a penis its still goals

94. I know what you are, say it, santa clause

95. Tom dont yell at your girl

96. Poor Tom

97. But also dont make this about you

98. They probaly werent the head of the school since they were nice, i am sorry but thats true

99. Yass girl fight his ass

100. Also the theatre kid in me is picturing all that jazz

101. he ran into my knife he ran into my knife ten times

102. Yes Becky’s husband (i forget the name sue me) is bad but i feel like becky is more sinister then we realize

103. Becky’s line even if it isnt meant to be is so funny

104. The girl who plays Becky could play Barbara

105. I love how Joey and Lauren look into the camera

106. Jamie saying santa awww such a pure bean

107. The person in the wiggly onsie is goals

108. Matrix glasses for the win

109. Is wilbur a refrence to Charelots Web?

110. Its a cult a cult of wiggly

111. I feel like Sherman young is around 30-40

112. I love how its mommy to sound less pervy

113. Oh wait never mind Linda is mom

114. Shit thats fucked up they killed him

115. I am right a jew no non jew says mensch

116. To quote jared klienman kinky (shoe kiss scene)

117. Also i love this song the adore song

118. Why does them picking up Lauren give me Draco vibes

119. Wait he isnt dead?? im so confused

120. Wait he is dead???

121. Also ethan is creepy now

122. But Roberts expressions are goals

123. Robert your proffesor hidgens is showing

124. What the how does he know her name

125. Savage Wiggly

126. Wiggly is more funny than scary

127. But my poor baby dont be scared

128. What the fuck tom

129. Also poor baby number two

130. At first you think becky is made about him hurting a child but no its about the doll

131. What the fuck Becky

132. Also I wonder if thats the same serum that Hidgens used

133. Tom yelling at the audince is hilarious

134. Also Becky singing is giving me little shop vibes

135. Becky are you drunk or something you so stupid

136. But yayy my baby doesnt get hurt

137. More starkid special effects

138. Also the lighting nod to tgwdlm

139. Also why did they take my baby (see i told you random)

140. So the perv is wiggly

141. Also if he can appear in regular formation on earth why does he need to be the doll

142. Oh wait never mind he explains it

143. Joey talking to the audience and making them hold the apple is goals

144. I love Joey’s song

145. MIA = Missing in Action = Made in America

146. Wait im wrong Joey cant be Wiggly unless he has super powers he cant be in two places at once

147. I know they dont mean sex but still wtf

148. Lauren looks so done i cant

149. Seziure warning after mr presidnet leaves the black and white

150. Unless it was purposeful they should have hidden the dolls better backstage

151. Wait didnt hannah say something about two doors earlier?

152. Seriously Sherman ponies

153. I love the going back line

154. My poor baby lex

155. No Lex dont die not you too

156. Haha throwback to tgwdlm

157. Yes baby you got the gun

158. Also die perv die

159. Eagle screeching is goals

160. Yes lex use that logic

161. Also it makes sense only the adults can be brainwashed

162. There were only adults no children, scary (not sarcastic i promise)

163. Seriously starkid Fortnight

164. Thats why you should never fully grow up

165. Woah what Lex says is deep

166. Yessss Tom

167. Wait Tom dont hold the gun

168. Wait is Charolette alive or just a reuse of costume, if so why would they have jaimie wear it

169. No dont take her magic hat

170. Haha stupid hats cant be magic only dolls obviously

171. Does lauren say something like fucking knife in another show too?

172. Lauren screaming gives me my father will hear about this vibes

173. Also give my baby her hat back

174. Yass Lauren get it girl (i do realize shes playing the villian but still)

175. Yass Robert get it

176. Even though shes a viilain i dont like seeing Lauren get killed

177. But also how did they get the bullet wound on her so quick im impressed

178. Haha the way Gary stops everything to talk to gerald is goals

179. Like hes like oh shit money

180. And then hes like oh wait i have to pretend to care

181. I love how exagerated their dying is

182. Thats an impressive quick change

183. Yess Emma Hidgens

184. But also no hell fuck up again

185. Also Paul interupting is goals

186. Haha hannah you go girl

187. First off I love the song

188. Song off Hannah’s voice

189. Is paul scared normal or because of the hive

190. Wait all the tgwdlm charecters are back like nothing happened im confused

191. Haha the Hatchfield band is back

[spiltscribbles]

Hamilton Friends AU  |  The One With The Engagement

Notes: Okay so this is so late, I beam the craziness f this summer. But a huge Thank you to the ever lovely @aswithasunbeamwho prompted me this perfect Friends episode to write in a Hamilton AU. You’re an amazing soul and I hope you enjoy<3<3

.-

“Your face looks weird.”

“Rude.”

“Just an observation,” Angelica, as appraising and blunt as ever, chides at Alexander with a probing finger to his cheek. In turn alexander just scowls her way and sticks out his tongue for good measure.

“She is correct my friend,” Lafayette, currently trying to balance a fifth book on his head after proclaiming that yes, in fact he is as graceful as any of those fucking Disney princesses, tacks on. “As if your face has gone all goopy permanently.”

“It’s like you’re staring at Eliza even though she’s not here,” Hercules clarifies with a shrug.

“You’re all awful people and I don’t know why I’ve ever agreed to be your friend.” Alexander huffs.

“We’ve gone and made him all sour,” Peggy snorts and Laurens begins to mimic his peeved off expression in-between his own cackles.

“Awful!” Alexander reiterates. “Awful, awful people.”

“Answer the question at hand loser,” Peggy charges on, standing up from the sofa and swinging her weight to her left hip, defiant. “Why do you look so eerily unbothered, so, un-Hamilton like. For Pete’s sake even when you’re happy you look like there’s a hundred different things that are annoying the fuck outta you.”

“Harsh.”

“Accurate.”

“Fine,” Alexander twists his lips in annoyance of getting caught out. “If I tell you lot you better swear on everything you own that you won’t breathe a word.”

“Mysterious,” Laurens leers.

“It is Burr, he has died a most awful death! This is the source of your happiness, no?” Lafayette accuses.

“Ah, erm…. Not quite yet?”

“Well get on with it then,” Angelica scolds with no real heat. “Some of us have actual lives to get too.”

“”Drag race is on tonight and me and Ange have got a bet going.” Peggy explains.

“Which I will win,” Angelica sniffs.

“Fine, fine,” Alexander harrumphs, long acquainted with the larger than life personalities of all the Schuyler sisters, his heart contracting and stomach swooping once thinking of one in particular. Of her long, dark hair, and impossibly bright eyes, and the way her smile makes it feel like Alexander’s floating in midair. 

Eliza.

She’s quite literally the most beautiful, brilliant, strong willed and even stronger hearted woman he’s ever known. She’s everything Alexander wishes he was and nothing but wonderful. He knows that, is positive, even if he concedes that she in fact is not an angel sent from the heavens above. Eliza’s not perfect just because Alexander swears she is. He knows that she is a bit of a clean freak, that she can get neurotic if plans aren’t followed through exactly as she had laid out. He knows that she was brought up oblivious to her insane level of wealth and that sometimes it takes full blown arguments for her to speak her mind instead of trying to spare him or anyone else of their feelings. Alexander knows all these small quirks and he doesn’t care because they only make him love her all the more. He loves Eliza more than the sun and stars and all the galaxies above combined, he loves her so much that somedays Alexander thinks his chest might crack with it. 

But it never does, and she’s always there, and what they have is everything Alexander has ever wanted, and Eliza is someone who he never thought he could have. All this to say that he has absolutely no doubts in his mind when he pulls out the small velvet box from his trouser’s pocket and opens it to reveal the sparkling engagement ring he’s spent months saving up for.

“wholly fuck,” Peggy balks, scurrying closer to snatch it out of Alexander’s grasp, Angelica right on her coattails.

“No way!” Laurens crowed the same time Lafayette let out a strange, indecipherable squeal that Alexander is almost positive was only partially in French, partially in English and  then a hodgepodge of other languages he’s never even heard before— all the books cascading down to the wooden floors  in a crescendo of thuds.

 For his part, Hercules just begins to tear up with a stiff lip and quivering hands. “Get the hell outta here.”

“You guys don’t like it,” Alexander asks with a shit eating grin.

“Don’t be cheeky dork,” Angelica reproves, never taking her eyes off the ring, swatting at Peggy to give her a chance to hold it.

“Don’t speak that way to your future brother-in-law,” Laurens snickers, claps Alexander on the back with an encouraging hug. “I’m so proud of you Ham, you’ve finally found the one.” 

Alexander gives his oldest friend— the man he once thought would’ve been his forever if they hadn’t had such contradictory views on what that meant— a watery smile. “thank you Laurens, but don’t get too excited, Betsey’s still gotta say yes.”

“She’s crazy about you,” Peggy says airily, waving off his worries with a lazy hand. “Of course she’s gonna say yes.”

Alexander bites down on a smile, casts his gaze to the floor so to hide his reddening cheeks. He’s still in such disbelief that this is his life. He’s got the world’s greatest friends, an amazing job that he actually enjoys, and now he might actually get to keep the dream girl. So far away from the lonesome days and hard nights of St Croix. Far away from dying mothers and flighty fathers and cruel brothers who never bothered to keep in touch. This, right here, these people, Eliza, the Washingtons, hell even Burr on a good day… They’re his family, the people he’d die for and who he’s sure would die for him too. What a strange feeling that is, to love and be loved. How strange it is that he gets to keep this sense of belonging, of balance.

“God, now enough with the sappiness,” Peggy gripes. “I can see it on your face Hamilton, and just because you’re technically my brother now doesn’t mean I won’t beat your ass if I feel like it.”

“Charming,” Alexander deadpans.

“I thought so,” Peggy says with a magnanimous grin.

“So what’s the plan? How are you gonna pop the question?” Hercules interjects from where he’s now examining the rose gold band and round cut diamond accented with sapphires. 

“I was planning to take her to that really posh French restaurant near fifth avenue that Laf showed us. Bets loves hearing me speak French,” he explains with a wink.

“My people’s language does arouse a certain, how do you say, sultry emotion.” Lafayette leers.

“For the love of God stop talking about having sex with my baby sister.”

“Right, ahem.” Alexander concedes. “Well after that I was gonna order us a bottle of her   favorite, ridiculously priced champaign.”

“We use to drink it when we’d summer in our villa in the South of France,” Peggy explains, totally impervious to how fantastical that sounds to Alexander.

“Friends with too many rich people,” Hercules mutters morosely, handing the ring off to Lafayette, face scrunched up in displeasure all the while.

“Do not hate us for our good fortunes mon grand,” Lafayette sniffs. “Especially now that Alexander is considered part of our lot after he and Eliza’s inevitable union. One that is written in the stars mind you.”

“What’s written in the stars?”

Alexander’s heart stutters to a rapid staccato just as soon as he sees the door to the apartment swing open, revealing a disheveled, but radiant Eliza strolling through, one perfectly manicured brow kinked. 

Before Alexander can take a breath, Lafayette impulsively stuck the ring— the symbol of his undying love and eternal devotion to Eliza— into his fucking French, snail eating mouth.

“Gross,” he hisses, to which Lafayette just tossed him the bird.

“Ah, the fact that Thundermist is totally beating Vivian October tonight,” Peggy blurts out in a totally high pitched voice. Jesus fucking Christ half of them work in politics and the other half are lawyers, save for Hercules whom’s perfectly content as the head of Ralph Lauren merchandize. But still, Alexander expected that they’d all be better at lying than this pathetic display!

He’s subsequently shown up the moment Eliza flickers her gaze towards him, a knowing smile blooming across her face that makes Alexander’s heart ache with want. He supposes it’s more the person who they’re all lying to rather than the act itself. 

“You and Ange need to stop making everything a competition love, it’s teetering on ridiculous.” She toots, tosses her and Alexander’s mail to the counter before excepting the peck he can’t help but offer her.

“You know how daddy is with his horses,” Angelica argues. “It’s in our blood.”

That just makes Eliza role her eyes, totally fond, before she excuses herself to change out of her pencil skirt and red bottom heals.

“Hey is there paint on your top?” Laurens asks, brows furrowed.

“Oh yeah,” Eliza blushes. “The kids had arts and crafts today at the orphanage and wanted me to help out so I just set all the paperwork to be done tomorrow instead.”

“THat’s my top!” Angelica squawks, affronted.

“It’ll come out,” Eliza shoos her off with a lofty tip to her head.

Once she’s shut the door on her to change, Alexander cuffs Lafayette on the back, hard. 

“This is the love you show me after I successfully kept your little romantic gesture a secret,” he harrumphs.

“Now I’ve got your French cooties all over it!” Alexander hisses.

“Many a men and women would have died to get my delightful French saliva within a ten mile radius of them.”

“We really need to talk about your ego one of these days,” Peggy snorts.

“I have Adrien as my wife and you lot are blunders in love, I shall not permit any judgment from any of you.”

“Hey, I’ll be joining you in that marital bliss soon enough,” Alexander contends, totally giddy smile curling at the corners of his mouth.

“Gross,” the remainder chorus in varying degrees of exasperation, dosed  in pride.

.-

Alexander’s really never had the best luck, most especially when it was the romantic sort. Before Eliza he’s never had a relationship that lasted over six consecutive months, or one that he didn’t constantly feel as if he had to garnish a facade of brilliance and magnetism that he’s never truly felt he had any right to own. Before Eliza Alexander never was able to picture himself settling into the domestic sphere quite so willingly. Never thought he would’ve yearned for quiet Sunday mornings in bed where Eliza’s head was propped up on his chest, and the early morning light would cascade atop her cheekbones and lips and glimmer in her hair. Those mornings where all Alexander could focus on was counting the quiet breaths she would let out and plotting out all the ways he could always make her look so at peace and lovely. Alexander never thought he would ever want the house in the suburbs with a large yard and rose gardens and everything his mother had tried to give him when she was still here. Alexander never had wanted it until Eliza came and he realized he could have it with her.

He remembers one particularly pitiful night towards the end of L2 when he had just cut ties with Cornelia Lotts because he had woken up that morning and had just not found her as interesting as the night before, which obviously meant he had drunken himself silly at some sleazy bar and tried picking up someone knew, just for the fun of it. Instead he was met by Angelica’s expectant,  irritated glower once he was three drinks in, telling him on no uncertain terms that the reason his love life sucked so hard is because he always went for the obscenely wealthy and tragically pretty folks that always infested ivy league institutions. The same folks with too large egos and too little self worth to ever consider having an actual relationship with someone outside of their social circle— A circle that the Schuyler family were the crown jewels of is what Angelica didn’t have to say but Alexander heard in screaming clarity all the same.

“Fuck you.”

“You wish loser.”

That was when she tugged him by the ear to get out of the city with her for the long weekend to clear his head. When he slept in her family’s country home upstate. When he had stumbled downstairs in the middle of the night to be face to face—for the first time— with the sister he’s seen millions of pictures of and heard even more stories about  by a beaming Angelica. The one who had just spent the year after graduating Yale in the peace corps. That was when Alexander’s heart had first swelled and he was a goner.

“Eliza.”

“Yes love,” Eliza smiles up at him through her lashes now, so many years detached from their first meeting. Years composed of unrequited crushes and tentative laughs that morphed into a strong friendship and shy words of sincerity. Eventually leading them to first kisses and first nights and all the in-betweens Alexander’s never gone through with any other relationship. Nothing else felt as vital, as permanent, as the one he shares with Eliza. Nothing else felt like it deserved his efforts in quite the same ways that he’s always known Eliza has. Nothing else has made him experience this distinct sort of want.

“I love you.”

“I love you too,” she giggles, mouth partially hidden from the lip of the flute of champaign she’s nursing. “Is everything alright deer? You look a little pale.”

Alexander’s throat closes up and he rinses his hands with anticipation.

“Yeah, yes. Everything’s Perfect Bets, it’s been perfect for a while now… Honestly ever since you agreed to actually go out with me. You. You make things perfect.”

Eliza doesn’t answer him in so many words, just cups her hands around hiss face and kisses him nice and thorough. Alexander wonders if how she makes everything inside of him go golden with every press to the lips will ever fade.

He seriously doubts it.

“Now, let me get this out, okay?” Alexander begs, squeezing her hands with his own and kissing the tops of each of her fingers gingerly. 

“Oh, Andre.”

Alexander’s heart stills and the breath from his lungs escapes— It feels like something awful and freezing has just clutched his heart and rinsed it dry.

“No, Alex—- I’m Alex.”

That only makes Eliza role her eyes at him before nudging her head to where a ridiculously handsome, obviously well off man stands.

“Oh, yes…. erm that is Andre.”

“Maybe he won’t see us,” Eliza offers before he’s lead directly to the recently vacated spot besides them by a completely oblivious host.

“Maybe he’s blind now?” Alexander says hopefully.

“Lizzy Schuyler is that you?” 

Alexander curses every ounce of bad luck he’s somehow accumulated before standing up to exchange awkward pleasantries  and spending the remainder of the night refraining himself from knocking Andre/s lights out every time he stares a tad bit too longingly towards Eliza for his liking.

The pampered bastard.

.-

Still inwardly fuming while drinking his morning coffee, Alexander was accosted by someone cuffing him on the back of the head, hard.

He isn’t surprised to turn around and Find a surly looking Angelica glaring at him, hands on her hips and mouth curled in a distinctly predatory fashion.

“What happened last night Hamilton?”

“How do you know something happened?” 

“Well when I gushed to look at Liza’s hand this morning, instead of a rock on her finger she just looked at me like I was insane! I had to pretend I wanted to read her palm.”

“So confirming the insanity suspicion then?” He asks owlishly.

“Hamilton!” She says in a hiss.

“I couldn’t do it, okay.” Alexander snaps back, waspish.

“You chickened out,” Angelica accuses, depositing herself on the sofa besides him in the small cafe and snatching the muffin from his hand.

“No.”

“Then what? You changed your mind? My baby sister not good enough for you?” She needles, prickly as he’s ever seen her.

“Don’t be ridiculous Anne.”

“Then wh—“

“Andre showed up,” he blurts with absolutely no tact.

“No fucking way,” Angelica gapes, dropping the aforementioned muffin.

“I’m cursed aren’t I?”

“Kinda,” Angelica consoles with a pout, cradling his head on her shoulder.

“Ah oh, not a good sign.” Hercules observes once taking a seat with his own latte.

“Hamilton’s cursed,” Angelica informs him, matter-of-fact.

“Why this time?”

“Because Eliza’s fucking perfect ex-fiancé somehow showed up last night with his own date and sat there besides us looking all handsome and waxing all poetic and reminiscing about how he and Eliza were caught fucking in her childhood bedroom her sophomore year of college and making her laugh and I couldn’t get a damn word in edgewise!”

“Oh not the thanksgiving story,” Angelica winces.

“So I reckon you didn’t propose?”

“I was gonna do it tonight instead, but thanks to Mis babble mouth over here,” he elbow checks Angelica. “Eliza most definitely suspects something is up now.”

“Hey! It’s not my fault that you apparently committed some sort of horrendous crime in a past life.”

“Who asks to look at someone’s hands!” Alexander hurls.

“People who think their sister was just proposed to!” Angelica defends.

“It’s fine you guys, we’ve just gotta throw her off the trail a little. Make her think marriage’s the furthest thing from your mind.” Hercules placates. 

“Yeah, yeah Herc, you’re right.” Alexander nods, is thrown to alert the moment the cafe’s bells chime— indicating a new customer— and it’s Eliza’s soft timbre that rings in his ears.

“I swear, I don’t care what Laf says, French people are total weirdos.” She sheds off her jacket and assumes the seat in Alexander’s all too willing lap. “I walk into his place to pick up some papers I left there and the first thing he wants to see is my hand to see if it’s proportionate to his.” With a huff, she grabs the coffee mug from Alexander, face scrunching up adorably at the excessive amount of sugar he always mixes in. Totally oblivious to how his heart is pulsing and his face is infused a bright red.

“Oh— Hah, how weird,” Angelica titters awkwardly. 

“Why do you sound so strange Ange?”

“No she doesn’t,” Alexander quickly pipes in.

“Yes…. She does.” Her brows furrow, the smallest dent between her eyes telling Alexander that she’s suspecting something. “What’s going on?”

“We were just reading this article in the New Yorker is all,” Hercules explains, saving all their asses. “It’s making her worry about her relationship with Mr Big.”

“His name’s Church, stop comparing our lives to Sex In The City characters,” Angelica admonishes with no heat.

“Whatever Miranda.”

“So what’s this article that’s got you all frazzled Angelica?” Eliza asks worriedly.

“It’s about marriage,” Alexander answers instead, seeing his opportunity and plunging for it.

“Marriage?” 

“Yeah, just about how it’s a total scam. I mean think about it Bets, legally timing yourself to another person? Doesn’t that sound Orwellian to you? A ploy by the government just to get our money and to keep us in check if you ask me.”

Eliza’s frown somehow, impossibly, sinks deeper.

“That’s not what you think Alex, is it?”

“I mean, ah yeah—“ His voice most certainly does not screech like he was a character from Saved By The Bell. “I mean you know me Eliza. I mean marriage didn’t keep my dad around for my mom.”

He can’t believe he just used that card on her. He totally deserves to go to hell for that one.

“It doesn’t always have to end up like that hon.” She cards a hand through his hair, kisses his cheek gingerly. And yeah, eternal damnation here Alexander comes.

“Eliza like 60% of all marriages now days ends in divorce,” Angelica contends. “Can you even name a couple that hasn’t been separated at least once.”

“Our parents,” she sniffs.

“But is it worth taking that chance,” Alexander says, reminds himself of how happy she’ll be tonight after he pops the question, when Eliza shakes off the hand that’s trying to lace their fingers together.

“Yeah, Yeah Alex I do think it’s worth that chance! And you know I do!” She starts to get up now, properly mad. “I mean don’t you guys want to promise yourself to the person you love in front of all your nearest and dearest. Be bound to someone so intimately and permanently. To get to show off your love to the world to see!”

“Sounds kinda selfish to me,” Alexander counters and Hercules and Angelica mumble their agreements.

“Okay,I’m running late for work.” In a cloud of carefully concealed fury, found in the pinch of her shoulders and downturn of her lips, Eliza collects her bag and jacket before storming out. A quiet fury in total opposition to her sisters’ brash words and ear shattering shouts.

Alexander yet again reminds himself of her beaming face when she doesn’t dip down to give him the customary kiss goodbye. 

“This’s gonna workout just fine.”

.-

[sher-soc-the-famder]

MIRACULOUSLY THEIR OWN- CHAPTER 8

Not Every Card’s A Trump Part 7

Word count: 5904

Pairings: Romantic Royaltiy, Platonic LAMP

Warnings: Child abuse, Homophobia, Violence, Racism

Notes: I’m totally slaying at this being productive at writing thing lately, have yet another thing from me XD This chapter’s a dozy so feel free to come scream at me on the Discord that Milo set up! They also drew an awesome banner that y’all should also scream about! Art by @the-pastel-peach? yeah that’s relevant now

ANYWAYS huge thanks to @wisepuma23 for being best Alpha and @my-happy-little-bean for being best beta! Enjoy!

Read On AO3

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The lobby stood silent. Roman just breathed for a long moment, glaring down at Ms. Trumpbull. Dillan's hand still touched his arm lightly, and it was only years of working with the man that kept Roman from shrugging it off in his anger. Lauren's hand covered her mouth, Kai on the other hand looked darkly satisfied about the outcome.

"Assault!" Trumpbull screeched, breaking the silence. "This is assault! How dare-!" 

She took a step towards Roman, who bared his teeth, more than ready to accept her challenge to throw down. Dillan's hand on arm increased in pressure before Dillan moved to stand in front of him. Roman breathed deeply, staring at Dillan's dreadlocks rather than the accursed woman.

"Hey, hey, let's all calm down," Dillan suggested. Roman couldn't see it but he knew the mild smile that would be on Dillan's face. One that wouldn't quite reach the anger in his eye. "We wouldn't want the manager to get involved." 

Kai snickered from Roman's left. "Oh, please. Let's get that bastard involved with the bitch. You could sell tickets for the ensuing cat fight." 

Lauren elbowed him in the side. Roman felt some of the anger and stress flow off of his shoulders at the familiar banter. No matter what came of this, his theater crew- apologies Kai- Pirate Crew would have his back. Kai smirked at Roman, and Roman felt his lips twitch into a real smile at the action. 

"No!" Trumpbull shouted. "Let's do get the manager involved! I demand to speak with the imbecile in charge of a circus like this!” She pulled herself up to her full height and her arms clawed through the air, not so different from the dragon he had compared her to once. “How dare you speak to me like that, boy! How disrespectful! Who’s in charge of this place? I demand to speak with him!" 

Roman could see the tension along Dillan's back at her words. His blood boiled, and it took all he had not to snap back at the woman. He could get away with so much more than Dillan and Roman knew that. He had already taken advantage of that already. Violence now could get Dillan in trouble. That and Rebecca's arm ghosting over his right arm as she entered the scene held him back. 

"Dillan," Rebecca said softly, "Larry wants to know why he's missing half his cast with only fifteen minutes until opening curtains." 

Dillan didn't look away from Trumpbull. He swept his hands out in a 'look here' gesture.

"Well we have a rather rowdy audience member," he said in the same smooth tone. "She wants to see the manager of 'this circus' is how she put it?" 

"Ah," Rebecca said. Her shoulders straightened as she turned to face Trumpbull. “I am a manager. What can I do for you tonight?”

“You?” Trumpbull screeched. Her eyes racked down Rebecca, catching on her hijab. Roman’s eyes flickered between the two women. “You’re a manager? No wonder this trash heap is falling apart if someone like you is in charge.”

Rebecca quirked an eyebrow up and Roman heard Dillan whisper from next to him, "Oh shit. Don't forget to leave something to bury 'Becca."

"Not the manager I was thinking of, but tear her to fucking pieces Rebecca!" Kai shouted, crossing his arm. Lauren hissed something at him; Roman couldn't catch it through his pounding heartbeat. Dillan reach down to grip his wrist and Roman almost wanted to cry.

He hadn't meant for this to happen. He should have been able to control himself. It had been years since he lashed out at anyone, and god, Patton was going to be so disappointed in him. They were never going to let them see Logan again. Any progress they made was chucked right into the bin because Roman couldn't hold his emotions back for a full stupid thirty seconds.

"I have to ask you to refer to this work space and the employees that work here with respect ma'am," Rebecca's calm voice cut through his thoughts. Her eyes flickered over to him for a moment before returning to Trumpbull, "We accept people of all walks of life here, being a community theater. I am more than happy to speak to you about your complaints, but if you continue to yell I will have to ask you to leave the premise."

Rebecca paused, a shark scenting blood in the water. "There are children present after all."

Trumpbull's heavy breathing echoed through their lobby. One brave man inched past her with a look of contempt as he went to his seat. Her hands opened and closed into fists and Roman tensed up again. If she attacked Rebecca then he wouldn't be held responsible for his actions.

Rebecca, on the other hand, looked unruffled by the threatening actions. She stood her ground, waiting for Trumpbull to speak.

"Your employee–” Ms. Trumpbell shot a sharp glare at Roman– “assaulted me. I demand that he be dismissed on the spot for this transgression!" Roman thought he could hear her teeth grind from the way Trumpbull growled out her words. She pointed at him and he stiffened.

"He attacked me out of nowhere, and having such a violent individual on the premise has to be a danger to your customers!"

Rebecca nodded, and Roman's heart sank. 

"You have a point," Rebecca said steadily. "And we do have procedure for dangerous individuals." She turned, winked at Roman and then addressed-

"Kai, could you, perhaps, tell me what happened here?"

"Excuse me-!" Trumpbull's screeched, and Rebecca turned back to look at her with a hard stare. Trumpbull's jaw clenched in frustration but her volume dropped. "Are you saying that my word isn't good enough for you?" 

Rebecca waved her hand in a soothing motion. 

"I am simply getting the full story," she said, her eyes glittering with something fierce and steady. Roman had seen that look directed at him once. He tried not to let it ever happen again. "We wouldn't want there to be a misunderstanding, would we?" 

Trumpbull whole body shook, and it took everything Roman had not to step in front of Rebecca. He trusted that she could take care of herself, but he was never quite satisfied with that. Not when Rebecca and Dillan tended to walk home together for safety, and not when Trumpbull looked ready to throttle someone.

“No,” Trumpbull gritted out. “No, we wouldn’t.”

Rebecca nodded sharply and turned back to Kai. He looked over the scene with lidded eyes, a cat having found the perfect moment to pounce.

“I have no fucking clue what the bitch is going on about,” Kai said lazily. “All I saw Roman do was make a bomb-ass kid’s night with Lauren’s makeup.”

“I would say it was more than the makeup,” Lauren said with a grin. She nudged his side before threading her fingers through his. Roman stared at the two of them, confused, but heart fit for bursting anyways. “Just because you refuse to acknowledge their acting doesn’t mean it’s not here.”

“So you didn’t see anything?” Rebecca pressed.

“Will it get you off my ass if I say I did?” Kai asked dryly. Rebecca shot him a hard look before turning to Dillan, who leaned into Roman’s side. Fuck, what did he do to deserve friends like these? Dillan clearly didn’t need any more prompting from Rebecca, opening his mouth right away.

“I came in later, but all I know is that Ro’ was upset. He’s a chill gay- I mean guy, you know that ‘Becca. Anything that can get him riled up isn’t good in my books.” He waved his free hand, face incredible steady for what Roman knew was a bald faced lie. Roman got worked up over everything and everyone. “I just wanted to defuse the situation because high emotions can lead to bad acting.”

Rebecca stared at them all for a long moment, and Roman could have sworn that her lips twitched upwards before settling back into her smooth unworried expression. She turned back to Trumpbull.

“Unless you can find someone to collaborate on your story, ma’am, I am inclined to believe that you are making things up in order to harass one of our employees,” Rebecca said, hands folded in front of her. “Which, I should point out, is grounds for us to remove you from the premises.”

Trumpbull gapped at them, mouth opening and closing as her face turned back to an angry red. She pointed at Kai with a shaking finger, then Dillan, then Roman, and then back to Kai. Roman wondered if her head was literally going to explode.

“You’re all lying!” She shouted, eyes wild. “Slander! They want to slander me with these lies! It’s all a conspiracy! You just want- want to attack me because you think that he-” She jabbed her finger at Roman again- “is an actual decent person! He’s a monster! A- a- a-”

She cast her eyes about, skittering away from their stone cold faces. Roman fought against the urge to bite his lips. The Crew would support him no matter what, but he didn’t know about the audience. They could fall either way.

Then, very quietly, from his side, the mother of the boy he had been talking too spoke up.

“Excuse me? Ms, uh, manager, ma’am?” The woman stiffened as all eyes turned on her, but she threw back her shoulders. “He was only talking to us when she came up to harass him. I didn’t see anything… untoward happen to her, only to him.”

Rebecca smiled at the woman, as an agreement rippled through the remaining crowd. Roman’s chest ached as he caught sight of the mother’s gentle smile, and he looked away before he did something embarrassing like burst into tears then and there. He didn’t know what he expected but it wasn’t this.

“Then that it is all I need to know,” Rebecca said gently. She turned to frown at Trumpbull, steel in her eyes. “We don’t welcome people like you here. Please vacate the premises before we are forced to take drastic actions, such as calling the police.”

Trumpbull stared at them all. Roman’s shoulders crept upwards the longer that Rebecca stared her down and the matron didn’t move. Trumpbull sent him one last nasty glare, her black eye just starting to turn purple before turning on her heels and storming out of the building.

“Please let the door hit your ass on the way out!” Kai shouted after her, and Lauren snickered. Dillan’s hand slipped down to grip Roman’s. Roman could see Patton hurrying towards them through the crowd, worry clear on his face. Rebecca tsked under her breath.

“Such an unpleasant woman. I hope there isn’t anyone like that at Daliah’s new school.”

“Yeah, let’s hope so,” Roman agreed through his tight throat. Rebecca grinned at him, fleeting and bright before clapping her hands together.

“Five minutes to curtains, let’s get a move on actors!”

Patton threw himself into Roman’s arms. Roman pulled him tight against his chest. He buried his face in Patton's hair, taking comfort in the familiar scent and feel. He would have loved to stand there with Patton forever, but it was almost curtains.

“I have something to tell you,” Patton said quickly as Roman pulled back. He hesitated.

“Later,” he said, gesturing to the stage. “I have to-”

Patton squeezed his hands. Bright eyes searched his own. Patton gave him the sweetest smile before nodding.

“Later then.”

Logan tried to enjoy the more relaxed atmosphere that was around the group home that night. Trumpbull had gone to do something on her day off and the relief of the other children was an almost physical thing. Logan wanted to enjoy it like they did. He wanted to read his book in true peace while he had the chance.

Only his peace had been shattered and Logan wanted nothing more than to scream. Scream or cry, he wasn't sure quite yet. He wouldn't. He refused. He wasn't going to let anyone, let alone an adult, control his heart. He struggled to keep his attention on the book in front of him, shoving thoughts of Pat- adults away.

His eyes scanned over the words, not quite processing them. He stared at the picture of a family before shaking his head violently. He slammed the book shut, glaring at the far wall. Shrieks and shouts from the other room drifted through his open window. He didn’t need a family. He didn’t need anyone.

Logan stood up stiffly, and shoved the book back onto the shelf. He winced at the soft thunk and ran a finger over the spine in quiet apology. It wasn’t the book’s fault. He probably shouldn’t have been reading a fantasy based plot anyways. Tuck Everlasting was nice, but wouldn’t help him in the future. He needed to set aside fiction to be the best he could be.

Logan would need it to get out of here as soon as he could.

He swayed towards the wind that blew through the window. His eyes drifted to the flag that he knew marked the local school. Only a month and a half until he could return to the only place that felt marginally safe in his life. He would impress whatever new teachers he had and maybe, just maybe he would be able to get them to move him up another grade.

Logan leaned against the windowsill. He tried not to put too much weight on his cut arms. They had only just reached the point he didn’t need to bandage them anymore, and he would rather not have to come up with an excuse for more. The stock that he kept stashed in the back of his closet was starting to run a little low. Logan made a mental note to make his way to the nurse to swipe a few more when he had the chance. It was better to be prepared than to be caught off guard and have to come up with an excuse as to what had happened.

He closed his eyes and let the breeze ruffle his hair. His shoulders felt tight enough to snap, but Logan was determined to at least enjoy the last of the time without Trumpbull before she came back. He needed to center himself, to be ready for whatever came next.

The hair on the back of his neck prickled, raising as a heavy weight settled on his chest. Logan opened his eyes, and he blinked, looking around for the source of his discomfort. His eyes landed on the subject of his thoughts, Trumpbull, glaring at the window he was in before storming into the group home.

The hair on his arms joined his neck in standing up straight. Logan shivered, wrapping his arms around his chest. He took a shuddering breath, hoping that she wouldn’t come up to find him. It wasn’t likely; it was foolish to expect anything else, but Logan wasn’t ready. He frantically wracked his brain, searching for what he could have done to set her off.

He had time to hide. The thought was a selfish dangerous one. She could end up even angrier at him for avoiding her. She could take her anger out on a different child who would turn the rest of the home against him. She could find him and punish him for avoiding what he had done to avoid discipline.

The closet taunted him.

Logan whimpered, biting down on his lips. So much for ignoring his feelings. He could feel the pounding of his heart beat against his chest, the way that his hands twisted in his sleeves to keep from shaking. He didn’t know what he had done wrong.

He didn’t know.

Logan hated not knowing. Power was knowledge, and power kept him safe. Knowledge and learning kept him safe. If he knew her habits, he could avoid the worst of her. If he knew what set her off, he could brace himself every time he broke one of her rules. If he knew, then he could act.

Logan felt his shaking increase. He hadn’t spoken back to her. He hadn’t sasses another matron, hadn’t been with anyone so he couldn’t have failed to live up to her expectations. His nails dug into his arm. He had done his chores. He had kept curfew and had put all books away at the time she had wanted him too. He had followed all her rules to the letter.

The shouts from the room over fell silent. Logan could hear the footsteps approaching his room. He backed up, shoulder slamming against the open window. He flinched and scrambled to close it. His fingers fumbled at the latch, his brain screaming at him that he was taking too long, he was taking too long, he was taking too long-

The window fell shut with a click. The door knob rattled. Logan struggled to swallow, his heart pounding in his ears.

The door slammed against the wall; the only noise along the entire hall. It echoed in Logan’s ears as his eyes zeroed in on Trumpbull. He couldn’t feel his fingers twisted in his sleeves. He could see the way her chest heaved. He bit his lip. He traced the way her hands flexed.

He couldn’t breathe.

Logan waited for the usual mocking words, the ones that would let him know what he had done wrong. He would be able to go from there. He braced himself, digging his nails into his arms until the cuts hidden there stung. His eyes caught on the bruise that bloomed blue and purple across her cheek into her eye.

He only had a moment to wonder what had happened before his head snapped to the side.

Logan could feel the heat bloom on his cheek from the slap. His hand flew to the spot in surprise as he stared at Trumpbull with wide eyes. Her face twisted, her eyes glittered with anger, and Logan’s feet tingled with nerves. She hadn’t said anything.

She had never hurt him without telling him why first.

Trumpbull wanted to feel like she could teach him to be better. She never shut up about how it was for his own good. Logan had taken comfort in the fact he could predict her most days because of how much she ran her mouth. He had thought silence would be a good thing. He would have thought it meant he hadn’t done anything wrong.

Terror crept into his chest and made its home there. He couldn’t stop his shoulders from trembling. He tried to shuffle a step back to give himself time to put his scattering thoughts together. His heel bumped against the bed frame. The bed rattled, just enough to draw attention, and Logan closed his eyes in horrified resignation.

The taunts he expected didn’t arise. Her hand snapped out, wrapping around the hand still cradling his face. She wrenched it away and Logan tripped over himself as she dragged him towards the door. He twisted in her grip. His skin pinched at the action, and Logan felt tears gather at the edges of his eyes. He couldn’t fight her, not really, but it gave him a false comfort to try.

He hiccuped, trying to hold his sobs back. Trumpbull shot him a glare. Logan brought his free hand up to try and muffle the sounds he was making. He hoped that one of the other matrons came to check on him. They never had before – not when he had proven to be perfectly independent on his own – but the terror making itself known in his chest cried for the opposite.

Her nails dug into his wrist. Their footsteps echoed in the halls. Logan thought he caught sight of some of the other kids scrambling to get out of sight. One almost met his eyes before slamming the door shut. Logan wanted to blame them. But he would have done the same in their place.

He squeezed his eyes shut as Trumpbull dragged him towards the basement. She yanked at his arm. He yelped at the pain, eyes snapping back open as he tried to keep from falling over.

Logan stared at the door to the basement, biting back sobs as she hurled it open. The doorknob hit the wall with a deafening rattle. Logan shrunk back. He didn’t know what he had done wrong. He didn’t know what to expect.  

She yanked on his arm again, pulling him towards the gaping darkness. He tripped over his feet trying to follow the path she wanted. He reached out with his free hand for the rail.

Later, much later, Logan would guess that Trumpbull simply wanted him to hurry up. At least, that’s what he would always want to believe. That she hadn’t thought about what her action could cause. Even in his worst times, he didn’t want to contemplate the worst of that moment.

Trumpbull let go of his wrist. Logan took a single step down the stairs. A large hand pressed against his back and shoved.

The world spun on an axis; Logan had read that in a book, had learned that in a science class. He couldn’t keep track of which way it spun anymore as his fell. His heart leapt as his hands snapped out in an attempt to catch himself. He felt something crack as his right wrist hit the first stair. The air knocked out of his lungs from the pain, leaving him unable to scream.

His feet flew over his head. His hand flew out, scraping against the wall as he tried to grab the rail. Fire bloomed along his fingertips. Distantly, he saw the flecks of blood he left behind.

A crack rung through his head. The world exploded into the stars. Logan curled into himself. His good arm coming up to protect his head as he rag-dolled down the rest of the stairs. His stomach twisted, and Logan had to fight down the urge to throw up as he slammed against the door at the bottom of the stairs.

His shoulders shook, and the smallest motion sent sparks up his arm and head. He sobbed, curling even more, until he was the smallest ball he could manage. He cradled one hand to his chest while the other covered his head. Blood dripped down his temple and Logan tasted tears on his lips.

Trumpbull’s calm steps down the stairs echoed in his head, doubling and tripling like his sight. He watched her descend with growing horror. The fire in her eye hadn’t dampened in the slightest. That, at least, he knew. She wasn’t done yet.

He couldn’t force himself to move.

“You could have killed me,” he whispered, the sound almost non-existent, a simple movement of his lips. “I could have died.”

Trumpbull leaned over him. The door to the basement unlocked with a soft click. Everything in Logan screamed as she stepped over him, calm as her normal days. He thought that he had seen the worst of her. He had thought that he would finally escape, that Patton and Roman would take him away.

Her hands reached down for him, and Logan tried to stop thinking at all.

It was warm. The summer stars shone overhead and Logan traced constellations against the window. A paradox of something that felt completely natural to do, almost mindless, and something that he needed to think about in order to make sure he got them right. Hercules, Libra, Big Dipper, Little Dipper.

He hissed as his left arm jostled his right. Pain radiated along the length of his arm and he curled into a tighter ball in an attempt to alleviate it. It wasn’t rational. It wouldn’t actually help. It was simply his body trying to protect his most vulnerable parts. The way his ribs ached with every breath declared that it had already failed at that.

He breathed, shallow and pained, squeezing his eyes shut until he could gather the energy to peel them back open. His hand shook as he turned back to tracing the constellations. If he wasn’t thinking about the way his arm had cracked against the wall when-

His breath shuddered. Logan glanced away from the window. He tugged his legs up to his chest carefully, biting down on his tongue as his ankle protested the movement. The crackling of his dried blood sounded all too loud in the silent entrance. But he could prop his right arm up against his legs, allowing his shoulders to finally relax.

Even if relax was a bit of a… hyperbole.

For all that Logan tried to occupy his mind, he still flinched at every noise. The crickets outside refused to fade to white noise. The wood of the group home groaned with the changing temperature. His ears strained as he thought he heard someone shuffling in their bed. His fingers on the window pressed down hard enough to turn white.

The cuts from the closet caught the moon light and Logan jerked his hand back. A sob caught in his throat. He brought his good hand up to scrub at his face. He winced as the action pulled at his black eye.

Logan didn't know why. Trumpbull always had a reason, but he couldn’t find it. He couldn’t figure out why, after being so careful, she would hurt him so obviously. His ears rang, and bile clawed at his throat. His thoughts had scattered from the moment she had thrown him down the stairs and it had only gotten worse after-

He squeezed his eyes shut, banishing the thought before it could fully form. He already knew that shaking his head was a bad idea. Logan wondered if he should have read more about head injuries.

More tears welled in his eyes and he scrubbed even hard despite the pain. Tears only brought more pain. Logan’s breath stuttered in his chest, his ribs screaming in protest at the action. He shouldn’t cry. Crying only made things worse.

He pressed his hand against his face, struggling for control.

A single thought crept through his mind and Logan shied away from it on principle. Maybe Trumpbull was right. He bit down on his lip, shoulders shaking even more. He hated the very idea of agreeing with her. She was a monster, inhuman, an alien, anything that lacked compassion and empathy.

-- But where had compassion and empathy gotten him?

Anger flooded his chest, washing away his pain for a glorious moment. It wasn’t fair. He tried and tried and tried. If he was too smart, they hated him. If he was too dumb, they hated him. Too loud, too quiet, too unnerving, too normal. No matter what he did the world hated him. Well he was done.

They wouldn’t make him play their games anymore.

Not when it was such a stupid one.

Logan’s hand dug into his chest. He didn’t want to feel anymore. Caring only got him hurt. Anger was useless when he couldn’t stand against the people who made him feel that way. Dreams were only his brain compressing memories from the day. Love only set him up for failure. There was no rational reason to keep hoping. To keep extending his pain the way he had all this time.

The wood of the home creaked above him, and his anger fled. His shoulders slumped and he leaned his head back against the window frame. He closed his eyes and could imagine the gulf that he stood over. No one would catch him if he fell.

Fine then. He’d been catching himself this long.

He tipped over, letting his heart disappear into the void below. He wouldn’t need it anymore. From now on, Logan would focus on what was logical; on what made sense and could be predicted. He’d protect himself by getting rid of the reason he needed to be protected at all.

A door opened, squeaking with unoiled hinges. Logan's head snapped up, eyes scanning the hall for whoever would be approaching him. Trumpbull had never come back after her "discipline" but then again, she had always said something and she hadn't. It was reasonable to assume that with so many of her other habits, her own little rules broken, that she would break even more. 

Or it could be one of the other children. 

There was always one on the Bad Days. 

Logan's shoulders relaxed at the small footsteps, not heavy enough to be an adult. Which meant that he was safer -- not safe, never safe, but at least in no danger of getting hurt more -- until the morning. They only came to check on him once Trumpbull's snore started to echo down the halls. 

Logan turned to stare out the window, trying to come up with what he would tell them this time. The world had shattered beneath his feet. What could he possibly tell them to explain how different things were? Seeing was believing but Logan didn't think that they'd believe him even with the blood caked along his neck and temple. 

He'd always been the exception after all. The one that made Trumpbull's blood boil over no matter what he did. He was never going to be enough- 

Logan shoved the thought and the feelings that came with it back down. He wasn't going to feel anything any more. It didn't matter. He needed to focus on the coming days. 

A small head peered around the corner. 

"Logan?" Emmet whispered. He inched closer and Logan watched him dully. Emmet shuffled his feet, eyes glued more on the door than Logan himself. 

"You wouldn't make it far," Logan said dully, thinking about his own wish to run away. They were too young to not attract attention. Nine and eight. Someone would notice; someone would call the police for their reputation if nothing else. 

"O-oh," Emmet startled, eyes glancing wildly around the dark, "I was just- I mean, you know that-" Emmet drew up short and stared at him with wide eyes. His freckles stood out on his pale face. His whisper dropped to more of just his lips moving. "Are you alright?" 

Logan shrugged his shoulder, biting back a whimper as it moved his right arm. Emmet flinched at the noise, wringing his hands together. 

"Ri- Right, stupid question, uh, right, stay there,  I'll just-" Emmet spun on his heels and ran back into the hallways. Logan watched him go, blinking slowly. Because of course not even the other children could behave the way he expected them to. He had just about figured out what to say too. 

He leaned his head back again, listening to the flutter of a bird outside. 

Whispers echoed down the hall, overlapping the pattering of feet. Logan sighed. They would have been quieter coming in one by one. He wondered if they were even bothering to avoid the louder floorboards. Not that it mattered with the noise they were making already. If they were lucky, the matrons were as exhausted as they normally were and would sleep through it all.

Emmet's head reappeared, and he gestured at whoever was behind him before hurrying over to Logan. He hopped over the one floorboard that they all knew creaked too loud, landing lightly on his feet before stopping in front of Logan. He chewed on his lip; Logan stared at him dully before turning to the other.

Amelia caught his attention immediately, whispering to one of the younger girls and adjusting the box she carried. Half a dozen kids spilled into the entrance and a familiar voice broke the near silence. Logan blinked. 

"So bookworm," Edgar snapped, stalking closer to him, "What's this about you finally getting the Bull to snap?" 

"Does it count as snapping if she's been on the edge for years?" Logan murmured, and blinked again at the silence that reigned. Logan glanced up as something flit through Edgar's eyes. Edgar sighed heavily, scrubbing at his hair. 

"Oh fuck you," Edgar said, flopping down to sit next to Logan. Close enough that Logan could feel his body heat but not quite touching. "I don't know why I bother with shit- don't look at me like that Sarah, a few curse words aren't gonna hurt the younger ones more than the Bull would." 

A couple of the kids giggled. Edgar cut a glance at Logan, who stared back at him. Edgar sighed and Logan wondered why he pinched the bridge of his nose. "Fuck bookworm, at least tell me that you learned something useful while being beat to all hell and back." 

"No," Logan replied. 

Everyone froze. Edgar's teeth grit almost audibly. Logan idly hoped that his teeth would crack from the force of it before reminding himself that hope went nowhere. Statistically though, grinding teeth ended in damage, and Logan let his mind drift in that direction. Someone snapped their fingers near his face and Logan jerked back. 

"Hey Ed, I don't know if now's the best time-" Amelia started to say. Logan's eyes drifted from Edgar's hand to Amelia's face. She clutched the box in her hand tightly, knuckles an almost glowing white in the dark. 

"If we don't talk to him now, he won't remember anything in the morning," Edgar snapped. "He may not have the sense to stay on the Bull's good side, but I'm not going to be the reason more kids end up like him!" 

"You might not have a choice," Logan whispered. Edgar's head whipped in his direction. 

"What did you just say?" Edgar demanded. 

Logan's body trembled, and he tried to will it to stop. His control slipped from his fingers, his attempts to not think about what had happened falling through his barricades like sand. The whispers of the other kids sounded too distant and unreal. They didn't understand. They couldn't understand. 

Their reality was about to get so much worse. 

"I said," Logan croaked out, "you might not have a choice." 

"Bullshit," Edgar snapped. Logan leaned back as Edgar leaned in even closer. Edgar's eyes looked him over, slowly almost like he cared which Logan knew was a lie. He was like a book to Edgar. Useful for his knowledge and nothing more. Edgar scrubbed at his face again. "Let's just get this over with, bookworm. The faster you talk, the faster the others can feel good about themselves by wrapping you up like a mummy." 

"There isn't anything to say," Logan said simply, and plowed forward when Edgar opened his mouth again. "She certainly didn't say anything." His trembling worsened. "She didn't say anything. I don't know- I don't- I didn't do anything-"

He sucked in a sharp breath and ignored the clattering of Amelia's box falling to the ground. He shoved his emotions back into a small box. He could control himself. He chucked the box at a metaphorical wall and let his voice fall back into a near monotone. 

"She's not following her own rules." Edgar's eyes pierced through the dark, intent and determined at Logan’s words. "It's like she's so mad that she just doesn't care anymore. There- There's no more cheats or shortcuts. She doesn't- doesn't care." 

Logan's good hand snapped out to grip Edgar's arm, willing the older boy to understand. 

"There are no rules anymore."

Tag list:

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[5hfanfiction]

Why Did I Get Married? (Camren)

Part Twenty Six: Back To Reality

“I’m here with, Camila Jauregui, and we’re talking about her newest album….‘The Hurting, The Healing, The Loving’,” James Corden; a renown talk show host said as he introduced the pop star. “We’re all dying to know, when is this highly anticipated album dropping?”

Camila smiled. She was way too excited for the release of this album, as it was as she dubbed 'her baby’. “Well, James, my baby will be dropping….drumroll please,” the audience laughed once they heard the drumroll. “September 21st! I’m so excited to share this with everyone, not just my fans but anyone who listens to my music. I hope it resonates with the broken, and I hope they know that their healing is coming. It may not be right now, but it’s coming.”

James grinned. “You heard it here first, folks. Camila Jauregui’s third studio album is dropping in two months! I don’t know about you all, but I am honestly super excited for this album!” The crowd murmured in agreement. All of Camila’s fans had been awaiting this album since before she even announced it was in the works, and it was finally going to be released and bless their ears. “Okay, so question, what’s your favourite song that you have on the record?”

Camila groaned. “Everyone keeps asking me this, but truth is, all these songs are my babies, they’re pieces of me. It’s like when your kids come and ask you which one of them is your favourite.”

James snorted. “Oh, trust me, I know the feeling.” The crowd laughed along with him.

“But, if I had to choose, I feel like my favourite song would be 'Like I’m Going To Lose You’.” This had been a part of Camila’s 'The Loving’, and a featured artist she had on it was John Legend. “And I know, you’re going to ask why, but I think it’s my favourite because it revolves around a situation between my wife and I.” Camila ran a hand through her hair. “I think…um…when we love someone, something that we forget is that at any given moment the person can be gone; be it death, divorce or whatever it is. And I feel like we don’t truly cherish someone until they’re gone. So I wrote that song after coming to the realisation that my wife won’t be here forever, so I plan on loving her like I’m going to lose her. Unconditionally, because we aren’t promised tomorrow.”

You might think that you don’t matter in this world, but because of you someone has a favourite mug that they drink their coffee out of every morning.

Someone has a favourite song, that whenever it comes on the radio, they can’t help but belt the lyrics out, not giving a shit whether they sound good or not.

Someone reads a book or watches a movie that you recommended and they get so lost in the little details, and they can’t help but wait to talk to you about it.

Don’t ever think you don’t have an impact in someone’s life. Your fingerprints can’t simply be wiped away from the little acts of kindness, from the way you love someone, it can’t go away just like that.

“Aw that’s literally the cutest thing I’ve heard all day!” James gushed. “Do you think she’s watching your interview right now? Do you have something you’ll like to tell the woman that stole your heart?”

Camila laughed. She didn’t think her wife had been watching the interview because she had to be at work at an insanely early hour. Nicholas Dos Santos was going to need her to photograph some of his models and that was going to take a few hours.

“I don’t think she’s watching right now, but even if she isn’t, I just want you all to know that this woman has my entire heart,” Camila placed her left hand over her heart and smiled. “I love her with everything in me. I know that no matter what…she’ll be mine. She’s my home.”

***

“Lauren!”

“Mrs Jauregui - Cabello!”

“Ma'am!”

It had been an extremely long day of running back and forth in her photography studio. Lauren was accustomed to all of this but today, she wanted everything to be perfect. Working with Nicholas was her childhood dream and she needed to impress this man, even though he had expressed on more than one occasion how much he fancied Lauren and Natasha’s work.

Lauren slid into her car, slamming the door shut, she rested her head against the steering wheel and shut her eyes for a bit. She just needed a moment of calm before heading home.

Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case. Her phone rang, groaning as she picked up the phone, once the voice rang through the speaker, she knew it was her sister.

“Heyyy, sissy!” Maggie greeted her sister. “Where are you?”

Lauren groaned. “I’m heading home. I’m so tired. I’m just going to dive into my bed and…die.”

“Very cryptic, hermana,” Maggie yelled at someone in the background, telling them to put something back. “But no can do, you’re coming to Val’s restaurant. You know where that is right?”

The older Jauregui mumbled an incoherent answer.

“Listen here, you dumb bitch, how many times do I have to tell you to stop eating the fucking food! She isn’t here yet!” Maggie yelled.

The person yelled back; the culprit being Dinah Jane, Camila and Lauren’s mutual friend. “Listen here, Jauregui, I would end your shit. Do not talk to me like that!”

Lauren snickered. “Mags, Dinah, the both of y'all need to behave.”

“Ugh!” Maggie let out frustratedly. “Just be here in twenty minutes before I murder this whore.”

Lauren laughed loudly. “Okay, fine. I’ll be there soon. And in case Dinah kills you, just letting you know that I love you.”

“Love you too! Now bye,” they both hung up.  Lauren hadn’t the slightest clue as to why her sister wanted her to come to Valetina’s restaurant, she just assumed that they were having a get together that Camila had planned last minute.

However, what Lauren had completely forgotten was that her 27th birthday was today. With all the work she was doing building up to today, it had slipped her mind. Of course, people wished her on her social medias, but she didn’t have the chance to check it, nor did she like social media to begin with.

Me, on the other hand, Twitter and Snapchat are my faves. I’m always lurking, scrolling…judging.

Anyway, it hadn’t been the first time Lauren had forgotten her birthday, in fact maybe it was the fourth or fifth. Unknowingly to her, Camila had planned an intimate get together with their families and close friends. She knew Lauren wasn’t too keen on extravagance, so the smaller, the better.

It was a twenty minute drive to Valentina’s restaurant. A pretty high end restaurant, might I add. Lauren parked her car and got out. She wasn’t greeted to people jumping out of nowhere, screaming 'Happy Birthday’, but rather Camila, Dinah and Maggie bickering about some birthday decorations.

Lauren cleared her throat loudly, the trio stopped and turned towards the noise, only to be greeted with their guest of honour.

“Laur!” Camila pouted. “You’re not supposed to be here yet.”

Lauren laughed. Izzy came charging at her mother, almost tripping in the process. She scoped the child up in her arms. “Feliz cumpleaños, mama!” Izzy wrapped her arms around her mother’s neck.

“Happy Birthday!!” Everyone else yelled out because it made no sense anymore as they weren’t prepared for Lauren’s entrance. Upon surveying the room, Lauren saw her parents, Sinu, Valentina, Becky, Dinah, Normani, Ally along with their families. Then there was Natasha who was chatting with Hailee; who recently ended things with her newest boyfriend, then there was Maggie and Ariana.

Lauren smiled. “I can honestly say that I’m surprised. I had completely forgotten about my birthday with everything that was going on.” She wrapped an arm around her wife pulling her close. “Thank you all for coming.”

“I don’t know how you can forget your birthday, babe,” Camila placed a kiss on her wife’s lips. “It’s the day the earth was blessed with such an amazing woman like you.”

Dinah cupped her hands over her mouth and yelled. “Smoothhhh.”

Camila smirked and sent a wink at her friend, “It’s the Cabello genes, baby.”

“Hear, hear!” Becky raised a glass of juice as her mother wasn’t going to allow her to drink anything alcoholic.

Maggie approached her sister and engulfed her in a hug. “Twenty seven has literally never looked any better,” she winked at her sister. “But! Let’s get you out of that hideous work attire,” the model linked arms with her sister, not before telling everyone to let the party begin.

Maggie popped open her trunk, and began rummaging through clothing bags.

Lauren laughed. “You have cocktail dresses in your trunk? Really, Mags?”

The younger Jauregui rolled her eyes. “Of course I do. I’m not an animal, Lauren.” She pulled out a jeans, and paired it with a shirt. It wasn’t something Maggie would wear because she goes all out, but her sister wasn’t extravagant; only when it comes to cars anyway. “Throw this on and go enjoy your party.”

Lauren took the outfit, but as her sister went to walk away, she pulled her back. “Hey, Mags?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you,” Lauren gestured to the party. “I really appreciate it.”

Maggie smiled. “You’re welcome, but I only did the heavy lifting. Your wife is the one who planned everything. You should be thanking her.”

Which was true. Camila had been the one who was planning Lauren’s birthday party. She didn’t want to do something over the top, but rather a small get together with Lauren’s loved ones.

“Although,” Maggie smirked. “I think you’re doing a pretty good job thanking her almost every other night.”

“O-okay,” Lauren blushed. “I think I should change and head back inside. You know, can’t keep my guests waiting!” She sprinted inside to change into her outfit, leaving her sister behind who was laughing uncontrollably.

***

After opening up a few gifts from her friends, and interacting with everyone, Lauren needed some time to herself. She grabbed a plate of food and headed out on the veranda to look at the cars that were passing by. Surprisingly, Camila was already there sitting on a bench, lost in her own thoughts.

Have you ever looked at the love of your life, when they’re doing absolutely nothing and find yourself falling more and more in love with them?

One day, you’re gonna meet this great girl or guy in life. And from the moment your eyes lock with theirs, you’ll know that they’re trouble. They’re going to have a weird sense of humour, they’re going to have an attitude, they’re going to drive you crazy. They’re going to make you do things you never thought you would’ve done. They’re going to make you see the world in a different light.

But, most importantly, they’re going to make you feel things you’ve never felt before.

You’re going to love them against reason, so no matter what, don’t get tired of them.

Don’t give up on her.

Because you knew from the moment your eyes locked with hers, the moment she took your breath away, you knew that she was….worth it.

“You’re staring, Jauregui.”

Lauren snapped out of her thoughts and she smiled to herself. “How can I not? You’re absolutely stunning. Especially in that dress.”

“Flattery would only get you everywhere,” Camila turned her head, and sent a wink to her wife.

Lauren approached the woman, taking a seat next to her. “But as beautiful as you look in that dress, I’ll love to see you out of it,” she whispered into Camila’s ears, causing her to shiver at the thought.

The brunette hummed. “I’ll keep that in mind when we get home, if you aren’t too exhausted.” She took the birthday girl’s hand in hers, pulling it onto her lap. “Listen, Laur, I know it’s your birthday but I need to tell you something.”

“LAUREN! CAMILA!” Ariana burst out onto the veranda where the couple were. “What are you two doing out here? The party is in there.”

“Why are you yelling?”

Ariana paused for a moment contemplating why she was yelling in the first place, but she shrugged. “I don’t know,” she giggled. “Oh by the way, Milz. I didn’t get the chance to tell you, but I’m really excited to be joining you on tour! Just us girls taking on the world!!”

The moment the word 'tour’ left Ariana’s lips, Camila could practically feel Lauren’s eyes glaring into the side of her head. When Camila didn’t say anything, and Ariana had saw the look on Lauren’s face, she knew she had messed up.

“WHAT’S THAT MAGS?!” Ariana pretended as though her girlfriend was calling her, as she tried to escape this very awkward situation. “COMING, BABE!” The pop star ran away, because she was sure some shit was about to go down. And she didn’t want to be a part of that.

“So,” Lauren began. “Tour, huh?”

Camila cringed. “Mi amor, please let me explain.” She turned to look at her wife, who was surprisingly calm, but she was pretty sure Lauren was about to murder her.

“Oh, go right ahead, amor,” Lauren smiled. “Tell me all about your tour.”

“It’s not…it’s not set in stone as yet,” Camila began. “I mean, maybe it is, but if you don’t…if you don’t want me to go, we can cancel it and I um..” She tried to find the right words, but she was so afraid of messing up the progress that they had made over the past few months. Camila wanted to tell Lauren about the tour, but every time she was about to, something interrupted them, and honestly? She was just too scared of her wife’s reaction.

Lauren sighed heavily and pinched the bridge of her nose. “Camz… I love you, I really do, but why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

“I was scared…”

“Scared of what?”

Camila turned away from her wife. “We we’re finally happy again. You, me, Izzy…then…then I have to leave again. And after everything we’d lose all the progress we made, and you’ll hate me and Izzy would hate me.”

Lauren took Camila’s hands in hers in an attempt to comfort her. “I could never hate you, amor. I’m mad and definitely sad, yeah. But hate you? I can’t ever do that.”

Camila sighed but she didn’t say anything.

“I just wish that you would talk to me about these things you, know? You can’t keep hiding your career choices from me, especially when I’m obviously going to find out.”

“I just…I just didn’t want us to go back to the way we used to be,” Camila frowned. “But I know me not saying anything wasn’t a good decision on my part.”

Lauren blew out heavily threw her mouth and stood. She lent against one of the pillars of the building, not saying anything. “I don’t want to fight with you, Camz.” She turned and looked at her wife. Sadness evident in Camila’s brown eyes. “But it just hurts when you have to leave, you know? I know it’s your career and I’m not asking you to choose between your family and your career. I just want us to be able to discuss these things. I just…want to have a say, you know?”

Camila nodded slowly. “I know, and I completely understand. It’s just even after therapy, it’s still a process, and it’s still hard, but…I want us to figure this out together.” The brunette stood and walked towards her wife, taking one of her hands and intertwining their fingers. “Do you want me to go on tour?”

“I do,” Lauren didn’t miss a beat. “I know how much this means to you and I know how much you love your fans, and how much they love you. I don’t want to come between that, I just want us to be with you, as a family.”

“Do you think we should move?”

The photographer kinked an eyebrow. “Move? What do you mean?”

“Like…I don’t know? To New York” Camila suggested. “Most of your clients are there, then I’m there most of the time because of work…it I don’t know, it makes sense.” When she saw the confused expression etched on her wife’s face, she began to mumble incoherent things. “Never mind, I’m just being silly.”

Lauren shook her head 'no’. “It’s not that. It’s just…everyone is here. My family, yours…and Izzy. All Izzy’s friends are here.”

“Izzy doesn’t really like her friends besides, Elijah, Moana, Destiny, Imani and Elena,” Camila pointed out, but then she sighed. “It was stupid anyway.”

“What was stupid?” Dinah asked as she stepped outside, Ally and Normani trailing behind. “This is literally your twenty seventh birthday, Ralph Lauren, what on earth are you doing outside here?”

Normani took a sip of her drink. “We should be doing body shots! I call dibs on, Camila.” She playfully winked at her friend’s wife, who blushed red in embarrassment.

“I just followed these two out here to ensure that they weren’t going to do anything stupid,” Ally said, throwing her friends under the bus. “You both look glum, what’s going on?”

Camila sighed heavily, and passed her hand over her face. “I’m going on tour.”

“Oh.”

“Damn.”

“Welp.”

Lauren rolled her eyes. “Really, guys?”

“I mean, we’re just saying, things don’t usually end well for the both of y'all when Mila tours,” Dinah pointed out. “What are you both gonna do?”

“Camila, suggested we move.”

“Oh, damn. To NYC?” Ally asked, causing Camila to nod. “That actually doesn’t sound like a terrible idea. She’s always there cause of her music, then sometimes she’s in LA, but I mean it’s not a bad idea.”

Which is true. Most of the time Camila was in New York recording her songs, doing interviews, then she would be back and forth between Miami and New York. Occasionally she would have to go to LA, but that wasn’t as often as New York.

“But then there’s Izzy,” Normani added. “Uprooting a child from a stable environment can hamper their friendships and relationships with other people. These effects are most problematic for kids who are introverted and those whose personalities tend toward anxiety and inflexibility.”

Dinah snorted. “Did you read that off some magazine or something?”

“Actually, yes I did,” Normani retorted. “I like to be well informed for my clients.”

“BUT!” Ally interrupted the two before they started bickering. “Maybe you should include, Izzy in your discussion. Not right now though, she’s playing with Dante, Maggie and the kids.”

Lauren sighed and looked at her wife. “Camz…I love you. I really do. Home isn’t four walls to me, it’s two eyes and a heartbeat.” She trailed her hand down Camila’s arm. “Home is wherever you are, and if moving is what seems best, then we can do it. But we need to include Izzy in this.”

Camila smiled softly and nodded.

“And obviously, we’re going to constantly be in NYC now!” Dinah said excitedly. “Can’t miss out on baby Camren’s precious years.”

Camila laughed. “Of course not, DJ. Mi casa es vuestra casa.” She then looked at wife. “What about me being gone for tour? What happens then?”

Lauren paused and thought for a moment. “I mean, I can always let Hailee manage my company. She’s very capable of doing that. And I can become a freelance photographer. Travel around with you, whichever country your career takes you, and do jobs for people.”

“And Izzy?”

“We can home school her,” Camila thought out loud. “Hire someone, with a child at least who can travel with us and can teach Izzy for the time that I’m away.”

It may seem a bit too drastic. Having your family on the road with you, but it seemed like the only logically idea, especially if you don’t want your partner to give up on her dreams.

If you didn’t want her to stop doing what she loved.

And if we were being honest, Lauren never truly liked sitting behind a desk. She always wanted to travel the world, be adventurous and do what she loved. But when the time came, she chose something practical over her dreams and just went with it.

Minor details would have to be worked out, but this was something that the Jauregui - Cabello family had to talk about together and then go ahead with. Well, only if it was beneficial to all of them, especially young Isabella as she was just a child.

***

“Hey, princesa,” Lauren took a seat next to her daughter who was staring at a slice of cake. The child seemed as though she was deep in thought, until her mother startled her. “Whatcha doing?”

“I’m thinking,” Izzy said. She had her tongue caught between her teeth, eyes not leaving the slice of cake.

Lauren smiled fondly at her child. She ran her hand through the child’s ponytail. “What about?”

Her daughter didn’t say anything for a moment.

“Mama?” Izzy looked at her mother randomly. “What’s your birthday wish?”

“I wished for us, as a family to be happy always. No matter what happens, that we’ll come back to each other.” Lauren picked up a fork and cut a piece of the cake to feed her daughter.

Izzy smiled once she tasted the cake. “Because we’re family and that’s what family do!”

“Exactly, princesa.” She tougher Izzy’s face tenderly, smiling fondly at her. “Why aren’t you with your friends?”

Izzy shrugged. “They annoy me when I play with them too much.” Lauren laughed. “I like Elena more, but she couldn’t come to your party.” She pouted.

“Maybe next time you can invite her home for a sleepover. Does that sound better?”

Izzy nodded furiously. “Yes! I can’t wait.”

“Hey,” Camila approached her wife and daughter. “Are the two of you bonding without me?” She fake pouted, looking adorable as hell.

Lauren patted her lap so that the woman could take a seat. “C'mere, let’s bond.”

Izzy grinned happily. The child was always overly excited when she saw her parents’ interacting with one another. She didn’t know what truly went down between the two, but she knew they weren’t happy then, but now seeing all the strides her parents were making, the child couldn’t have been any happier.

“How’s your birthday going, babe?” Camila asked her wife. “Got everything you wanted?”

Lauren buried her face in the crook of Camila’s neck, inhaling her scent. “I couldn’t have asked for anything more, if I’m being honest.” She looked up and smiled at their daughter. “Being here with the both of you, with my friends and family? What more could I want?”

“Probably some birthday cake, if you know what I mean,” Natasha butted in. She pulled up a chair and took a seat amongst the family. “Am I right, or am I right?!”

Izzy handed her plate of cake to Lauren. “You can have some of my cake if you want, mama.”

Natasha laughed loudly. “She’s so innocent like you, Camzii.” The woman patted Camila’s hand.

Lauren rolled her eyes playfully. “It’s okay, princesa. You enjoy your cake. Natasha is being an idiota.”

Izzy shrugged and continued to eat her cake, ignoring the adults around her.

“So,” Natasha began. “How’s my best friend in the whole wide world doing?”

Camila and Lauren exchanged a look. “What do you want, Tasha?”

The Dominican giggled and rolled her eyes. “I don’t want anything,” she said but the couple wasn’t buying it. “I’m serious! Oh my god, when I try to be nice, you don’t want my niceness?” Lauren kinked an eyebrow at her. “Okay, fine. I was wondering if Hailee is like…I don’t know… single?”

“I mean, from what I know she recently broke up with her boyfriend,” Lauren said. She ran her fingers through her wife’s hair mindlessly. “Why do you wanna know?”

Natasha shrugged. “Oh, no reason. I was just wondering.” The table fell silent, until Camila grew bored and decided on dragging her wife up on stage with her so that they can perform.

“Anyway,” Camila stood and pulled Lauren up along with her. “Let’s sing!”

“Camz…” Lauren whined. “I don’t want to!”

It wasn’t that Lauren was a terrible singer, she just didn’t really like to do it. It was always Camila’s thing, the same way Camila didn’t like photography or having her photo taken, but due to her career, she had no choice but to grow accustomed to it.

The reason why Camila and Lauren had worked so well was that they both respected each other’s wishes. They didn’t force each other to do something they didn’t like or didn’t want to. But even if the other was uncomfortable with something and they knew their partner wanted to do it, they always pushed away their fear or dislike of something.

Especially Lauren, she was always the shyer, more reserved one amongst the two.

When Lauren is with Camila, she’s different. In a good way of course. She smiles and laughs more. She doesn’t have to pretend that everything is okay, when it’s really not. She can let her guard down. She can allow her walls to crumble without the fear of being hurt.

Camila doesn’t feel hurt and alone when she’s with Lauren. Instead, she feels safe and loved. She’s easy to talk to, and Lauren listens. She doesn’t have to worry about holding anything back because Lauren doesn’t judge her. She doesn’t ever feel insecure or sad, because she knows that she’s the only one that Lauren wants.

When you’re with someone, they’ll show you that they really do care, and  they’re not just pretending.

When you’re with them, you’re different.

You’re happy.

Camila and Lauren sang effortlessly.

Whenever they’re together, whenever they do something together, it just flows so naturally. That’s when you know that they’re your person.

That’s when you know they’re the one.

Lauren took Camila’s hand in hers and pulled her close, the microphone in the other as she held it close to her lips.

“Everybody’s talking about heaven like they just can’t wait to go, Saying how it’s gonna be so good, so beautiful,” she trailed her hand down Camila’s arm, gazing lovingly into her wife’s beautiful brown eyes.

“Lying next to you, in this bed with you, I ain’t convinced, 'Cause, I don’t know how, I don’t know how heaven, heaven…” Camila brought Lauren’s hand to her lips and kissed her palm. “I love you,” she mouthed as she stared into Lauren’s eyes.

“Could be better than this (heaven) Could be better than this (heaven, heaven),” They sang together, as the music slowly faded in the background.

Once the song was over, Lauren dropped her microphone on the floor, and cupped Camila’s cheeks. “I am so in love with you, Camila Jauregui. So irrevocably in love with you.”

She kissed Camila with every ounce of passion that she had burning inside of her. Every ounce of love and need that she had for this woman. That she had for her wife. She kissed her like it was going to be their last kiss.

Don’t ever take the one you love for granted because you never know when you’ll run out of time. The thing about some relationships is that they just end. You can compare it to a star. They burn bright and brilliant for quite some time, and then for no particular reason, they just reach their end. Nothing goes wrong.

In a sense, I guess, they just burn out.

So embrace the time you have with someone. Love them like you’re going to lose them. Give them your all, only if they’re deserving of it.

Love with no regrets.

***

Wattpad: Commander_Camren

[alluratron]

How much of my s5 wishlist did i get?

This is just my wishlist as I posted it before with stuff I got bolded. sub points are current discussion

AKA a list of things I’d like to see and theories I want confirmed in the upcoming season(s).

more info on operation kuron. i’d like more hints at what kuron is or even full on confirmation that s3/s4 shiro is a clone.

i mean really we weren't not gonna get anything on this but i'm so fucking happy that we've been validated that kuron is different than shiro and even the characters notice it

a genuine moment between allura and lotor. they’ve both lost their home planets, after all. lotor twice over.

tbf we don't know how genuine lotor was being but even if his intentions are not, the dialogue seemed very much so at times, especially the stuff about honerva and that planet zarkon put him in charge of so i'll take it

lotor’s backstory. when tf was he born??? he knows honerva was his mother, but doesn’t seem to connect her with haggar. hell, haggar didn’t even know about honerva. so, was lotor born before the war? is he 10,000 years old? why does he look so young? was he frozen somehow? why are his eyes blue???? what is up with this guy????

ZOMBIE BABY HAHAHAHAHA. also he's centuries old and he's still alive bc the rift made him immortal(?) like haggar i guess. and he's like....an artificial sacred altean like haggar??

lotor double crosses team voltron. i don’t want him to be an anti-hero. i want him to be undeniably a villain, even if he does have genuine aspects to him. less zuko, more azula (in that we understand that azula is a product of her upbringing, but still evil nonetheless).

not yet but i still strongly believe this will come

allura’s magic. i always want more of allura’s magic. i want to learn more about sacred alteans and why allura is seemingly more powerful than what’s normal even for sacred alteans.

i mean, it was more acquired alchemy than inherent magic but there was still some inherent magic so im not complaining too much. shes still special so :')

the white lion theory. in s4 ep3, acxa says that the two sincline (i see what they did there) ships used 60% of the comet and there’s more than enough left to make the third ship. this extra comet material is definitely going to come into play somehow. it’s likely going to become the head of the sincline ships but i’d love if it became the white lion and allura piloted it. not that i think allura has to be a paladin to be valuable, but she seems to want to be one (and i just want my bb to be happy so yknow).

i mean we got a white lion, just not in the way i anticipated lol. i'm still holding out hope for a robot white lion from the extra comet material tho

keith’s heritage to be revealed. how galra is he? who is his mother?? can we meet her??? we know she was a blade but i want to know how she ended up on earth. it’d make sense if she was half galra half altean/polluxian.

ok so his heritage wasnt revealed per se but WE MET HIS MOM!!!! krolia literally looks like purple keith lmao. i expect that we'll hear the story of how she met his dad next season. also she looks mixed race. here's a post i made on why i believe she's half polluxian

yeah okay so i really think keith is part altean/polluxian. i need an explanation as to why he looks so damn human and that one fits for me.

i also really need to know why the hell keith could sense the blue lion. it’s been 39 episodes give me some answers @lauren @jds @entire vld crew.

the “for narti” squad to join team voltron. i know it’s unlikely because of lotor allying with the team, (and the trailer showing them with zarkon) but i really do think those girls deserve a chance at redemption. they’re such interesting characters and i’d love to see them interact with the team.

i also really need to know what the connection between keith and acxa is. we really haven’t seen any payoff for them meeting in the weblum or him recognising her in s3 ep6. she took a bag of scaultrite which could’ve been hinting that they have an altean (aka lotor) but they just as easily could’ve dropped that hint by how they tried to steal a piece of the teludav. acxa’s connection to keith seems to be something else at play. my hope is twins, or at least siblings.

more hints that there's something there but nothing confirmed yet. but (as explained in my polluxian krolia post linked above) acxa and krolia have the exact same eyes with the light-coloured pupils so i'm almost certain acxa and keith are siblings

narti comes back tbh. i don’t know how that would happen but i miss her and i want her back.

team voltron returns to the original lineup. i like matching colours, what can i say.

ok i massively downplayed that but seriously the bond between paladin and lion was so hyped up in s1 and s2 that the lion shuffle will never quite sit right with me. blue chose lance out of all available paladins. she didn’t go back to the castle on her own and take allura. she chose lance. that’s gotta mean something. and red has gone after keith too many times for their relationship to be over now. 4 times in one season. he loves his tiny fleshy son pls reunite them.

hunk’s family. i want to know about them. i want him to mention them at the very least. i know tyler said hunk’s mom taught him how to cook so please let him say this in canon. also acknowledge him being samoan in canon please and thanks.

he mentioned his mom at least. 

lance’s “i’m just a boy from cuba” line. i thought it’d be in s3 but nope. i don’t mind waiting for his arc because i appreciate that it’s a long one, but i’m really curious as to the context of that line. also i want to know all the people in the picture from s1 ep2.

we got some names! marco, luis and veronica aww. obvs thats not everyone but i've got my guesses as to who's who. marco and luis are green t-shirt and blue shirt, veronica is white dress, mom is orange dress, grandma is pink cardigan, and the rest are his dad, grandpa, aunt, green t-shirt's wife and their two kids (aka lance's niece and nephew)

allura and coran talking about what altea was like before the war. just some cultural background.

coran’s family, if he had one. i want to know more about this man and what he lost when altea was destroyed.

more alteans in THIS reality because there’s no way this race of diplomats were all on the planet when it was destroyed. i don’t buy that, soz.

polluxians! i really want the alteans with two sets of markings in s3 ep7 to be polluxians. mainly because i want romelle to be introduced. apparently she’s badass. more badass girls is always a yes from me.

zaggar dynamic. does zarkon know that haggar was honerva? seems so, considering how he indulges her far more than he does anyone else. does he know that she knows now?

friendship. i know that sounds really lame lmao but i really do want friendship. i want the team to hangout. i want to see pairs or trios hanging out. i want casual team banter. i want wacky shenanigans. blease.,,,,.,. @dreamworks,.,.,,. just let these dorks be friends.

garrison trio......coming through.,.,,.,in clutch. they really just saved my life like that huh.i can't believe im so blessed

lance not being possessive of allura….ever again. please stop it’s uncomf. if they’re going down the romance route for them, cool. but do it by showing allura somewhat reciprocating lance’s interest. please don’t encourage the “guy hounds the girl until she agrees” trope. it’s harassment. lance has backed off from flirting and that’s great but if there’s gonna be a romance there, maybe have allura flirt instead.

it's debatable but i'm gonna give the benefit of the doubt and say he wasn't possessive of her so much as he was worried for her safety with trick ass bitch lotor hanging around

if there isn’t a romance there, just give me them being good friends blease. their relationship has been so good and mutually supportive so please continue with that. facemask buddies would be a blessing. i’d actually cry.

that scene in the training room is actually so blessed. i love life. i love them. i love.

more of that good co-leadership shallura content. keep allura in charge 2kforever. also let them confide in each other. it’s tough being a leader. also also, let them be soft please i beg. throw it back to the softness in s2 ep5. that level of softness is what i crave.

it's not co-leadership shallura bc its not shiro but! they're definitely both in leadership positions so im loving it. allura was very much in charge and i'm so happy

the team convincing keith that they’ll always love him and he doesn’t have to push them away because they’ll never leave him. help this boy overcome his fear of rejection please.

keith comforting lance in a way that actually, uh, works. i appreciate his effort in s3 ep6 but he’s gotta do better than that for them to have a balanced friendship.

lotor’s plan. i really need to know exactly what this boy is up to?? he wants to reap an “untold amount more” quintessence to do what? it’s surely not for the empire’s benefit - he doesn’t care about them. so why? is it something to do with his mother? also, why couldn’t his ships cross into the other reality? they’re made of the same thing as voltron?

[sippin-on-red-wine]

High Tide | Chapter 7: Please

Title: High Tide, Chapter 7 | Please Author: @sippin-on-red-wine Rating: NO SMUTS IN THIS CHAPTER SORRRYYYYY Characters: Ed Sheeran x Kendra (original female character) Word Count:  3,225 Author’s Note: Sorry in advance again?

I refused to cry, blinking back the hot tears as the taxi pulled away from the curb. I knew I shouldn't, but I looked back at Ed, standing there on the sidewalk, looking broken.

I'm the one that should look broken.

“Where to, miss?”

Shit. I don't know, Mr. Taxi Driver, can't you tell I've just been burned by my international superstar boyfriend and I'm in a country that's not my own and I have nowhere and no one to run to?

“Do you have any hotel recommendations?”

“Sure, plenty. Are you looking for something reasonable, or ritzy?”

“Ritzy, please.”

“Right away then, miss.”

My brain kicked into logistical-detail mode.

Okay, first step, check into a hotel. I have literally nothing with me apart from my little purse which thankfully has my wallet. No fucking way am I going back to Ed’s just to get a suitcase of clothing. I'll just buy some things to tide me over….. tide me over til when? Should I fly home?

The thought of leaving London like this made me shudder. The last few days had been crazy wonderful. How did it all fall to pieces so quickly? Stop.

My phone was vibrating in my little purse. I flipped it over to check -- Lauren was calling. I hit ignore. She called again - ignore. After rejecting her third call, I felt a bit guilty, she probably was worried. I tapped out a quick response:

*Lo, I'm OK, I just need some space. Please.

My phone immediately started buzzing again, and I just got pissed and turned the damn thing off.

I pushed all the worries and questions down, focusing on getting a room somewhere and checking in.

The driver pulled up to a large high-rise building and I handed him a bank note from my purse before spilling out in front of the hotel's main entrance.

I approached the reception desk, suddenly very aware that my dress was probably too tight and short for a place like this.

“Hello, how may I assist you?” The man was young, and dressed in a black suit.

“Do you have any rooms available tonight, please?”

“Sure ma’am. Will one bed suffice?”

I nodded my head. He went to work, clicking and typing in the hotel’s computer system.

“Ahh, we've got a lovely King-sized room with a view of the city. Would you like to reserve it?”

“Yes, please.” City view sounds nice. I mean, I'm in London for the first time, may as well wallow in my self pity in style -- “Wait. Do you have anything larger….. like a suite?”

It turns out, he did. Several options, actually. He pulled out a brochure that included a few photos and highlighted the amenities of each. Oh, and the price per night, which made my eyes bulge out of my head a bit.

I handed over my AmEx card, silently glossing over the dollar figure he had given me for the week’s stay. It didn't matter, really, but it was much more than I was used to paying. Fuck it.

And so he handed me a key card, and I walked unsteadily in my heels over to the Elevator, where they had an actual attendant stationed. He was dressed in a full bell-hop type uniform, an older gentleman with kind eyes.

“Hello, what floor, please?” He asked, ushering me into the lift.

“Penthouse, please.”

I handed him the special key I had gotten at reception, the attendant inserted it in the wall panel and I watched as the “P” button lit up, and we were on our way.

“My name is Thomas, I'm happy to assist you with any needs you may have during your stay.”

His laugh lines were deep-set in his face. I found myself picturing him at home, smiling and adoring his family, maybe bouncing a grandchild on his lap.

I felt my eyes welling up again. Lock it up, K.

“Is there anything I can help you with, miss?”

“Um… actually, yes? Maybe? I wasn't really anticipating my stay, and so I don't have any of my things… is there, by chance, someone who could run out and pick up a few necessities for me?”

“Oh, yes, miss. We've got a concierge service who can handle just about any request you could throw their way. Just give the front desk a ring and they will be happy to assist.”

I sighed a breath of relief. I desperately wanted some leggings and a soft t-shirt, and hadn't been looking forward to going out shopping, bright and early tomorrow morning, dressed in my club clothes.

“Thomas, thank you so much.”

The elevator Ping!'d and Thomas turned the key once more before removing and returning it to me.

“My pleasure, miss. Please do not hesitate to ask, should you be needing anything else. Have a lovely evening.”

I walked out of the elevator into the foyer of my new suite. It was… stunning. Opulent. Beautiful. I was at a loss for words.

It was a large and sprawling suite, with a full kitchen, living room, a balcony, and at least two bedrooms. There was a beautiful wrought iron spiral staircase over in the corner of the lounge area. I kicked off my stupid shoes and dropped my purse on the dining room table, below an ornate glass chandelier. My toes sunk into the cream colored carpeting as I wandered around the suite, peeking in doors. The master bedroom was grand, all done up in beiges and golds and rich accent colors. There was a desk in the master, with a phone that I used to ring the concierge as Thomas had suggested.

I requested a pair of black leggings, a black tee shirt, white sneakers, and a long trench-style lined coat, as well as a toothbrush and a charger cable for my cell phone. The nice lady on the phone assured me they could get all that to me very soon, and that the charges would just be added to my room. I thanked her and almost said goodbye before deciding to order three bottles of champagne, too.

I sighed as I placed the phone back into it's little receiver cradle. Now what.

I strode over to the En Suite, finding a rather plush bathrobe hung on the wall for the taking. I shucked out of my ensemble and slipped into the rich navy blue robe, feeling a bit more at ease. I washed the makeup from my face, wishing I had a hair tie handy. Should make a list of things to pick up tomorrow.

Or maybe you should just go home tomorrow.

The elevator rung out, alerting me that someone was arriving. The doors opened and a younger-looking girl stepped out with a shiny silver cart, with a large ice bucket holding the booze I had requested. I thanked her and she was gone just as quickly as she had came.

Need alcohol. I cut the foil and popped the cork on one of the bottles, plucking one of the flutes from the tray, the second glass staying put. 

I crept over to the large brocade sofa and plunked down right in the center reaching for the television remote. It was official, I was out of things to do. Which is precisely when my brain thought it would be a good idea to re-live the past couple of hours.

My eyes were hot and stinging with tears, but I pushed them back. I am not going to cry. I am fine. I am a grown ass woman. I'll be okay.

But goddamnit, why? I had found my station in life, content with being alone as long as that meant I would never be deceived by a loved one. And then, him.

I should have known. He had only recently broken up with her when he turned up next door. I thought back to the day that I had driven his friends to the airport, going over to Ed's the next afternoon to find him drinking and chain-smoking himself into oblivion. He was broken. And it wasn't your job to fix him so why did you even try?

Just then, I remembered that I had turned my phone off. I was sure there were texts or voicemails waiting for me, and so I gulped down the rest of my champagne and retrieved my cell from my little purse, powering it on.

The messages came in one after the next after the next. A whole slew of texts and missed calls from Lauren popped up:

- Missed Call

*Kendra, where are you??

- Missed Call - Missed Call - Missed Call

*Please answer

- Missed Call Voice Message (1:03) - Missed Call

*Ed is having a fit, Kenn, please, just hear him out

- Missed Call - Voice Message (1:16)

*Okay, I get it. Will you please call me tomorrow? I'm worried about you xx

I clicked on the first voice message, setting it to speakerphone. It was Lauren, rambling about what a “fucking idiot” Ed was and how “bloody worried” she was and offering her guest bed up for me and “PLEASE pick up, Kendra.” It was loud in the background, like she was still at the club, or standing right outside of it, the bass thumping through the phone.

The next voicemail had less chaos going on in the background. “Kendra -- please,” Lauren's voice was pleading on the other end. And then, the sound of Ed’s voice “Lauren, let me --” garble garble garble.

“Kenny, I fucked up, I’m so--”

His voice rang out through the speaker like a shot straight to my heart. I quickly ended the message, not wanting to hear him anymore. Hearing that silly nickname that was just for him and no one else, it was.. unbearable.

Just then my phone rang yet again - a number I didn’t have stored this time. I turned off the t.v., shut off my cell, and went and climbed in the huge bed, feeling utterly alone, and waited for sleep to take me.

Ed…….

I watched her, in the back of the cab, drive away. It was almost like an out-of-body experience. Every nerve, every CELL in my being told me to run after her, to scream, to fight, to not take ‘No’ for an answer. But I was just… stuck. Frozen. I couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think.

I kept my eyes trained on the taillights of that cab until it was impossible to see anymore. I heard my name, over and over again, but it sounded distant - like I was underwater and they were shouting from up on the diving board.

Lauren. It was Lauren. She was shaking my shoulders, trying to get me to snap to it. “Ed! Come ON, we have to get you back inside! Paps…”

Whothefuckcares--

But she gave me one good yank and I followed her back inside the club, all the blood rushing back to my head.

“Christ, Ed, why didn’t you tell her Poppy was going to be here?”

“Call her.” It wasn't a question.

“What?”

“Call her!” I was practically shouting. I winced, realizing how I sounded. “Please, Lauren. Call her. I don't know where she's gone.”

Lauren pulled out her phone and scrolled through her contacts, til she found her name. She set it to speaker, we could barely hear over all the commotion in the club but when it went to voicemail, I wasn't surprised that she didn't answer.

Lauren tapped away furiously at her phone screen, texting her.

“Jesus fuck, Ed, what happened?”

“I fucked up, Lauren. Can you please ring her again?”

Lauren called her three more times. I kept willing her to pick up on the other end, but she didn't.

“She texted--” Lauren threw her phone to me and I quickly scrambled to open the message.

*Lo, I'm OK, I just need some space. Please.

The tears were back, hot and spilling out from my eyelids despite my valiant effort to keep them in. I clicked into the text, bringing up her Contact info and with it, a silly picture of her and Lauren from the day Kendra had taken us out whale watching. It had been the very end of Summer, then. Her skin was tanned, her face sprinkled with freckles. She was wearing a white linen top, and my aviators -- I offered them to her when her shades had fallen and been stepped on. That had been one of the best days I had had in weeks, months maybe.

Seeing her face in the photo, silly, with her tongue sticking out and a peace symbol thrown up next to her head -- it absolutely gutted me.

What have you done?

I clicked the little telephone icon, ringing her again. Straight to voicemail this time.

My stomach was hot and sour as I raced to type out a message to her: Please answer.

“Ed, she said she's okay. Why don't I take you home, c’mon, there's nothing you can do from here.” I couldn't meet her eyes, but I nodded and handed the phone back to her.

Lauren grabbed me by the hand and dragged me back through the club, toward the back exit where Kendra and I had come in. She pushed the doors open and the cool night air flooded my lungs.

I felt numb. My mind racing, where is she? Will she come back? Is she safe?

I thought back to the night when she had told me about her past, how she had just up & left everything, not even saying goodbye. Will she do that again?

I braced myself on the stone exterior wall of the club, both hands out as I retched onto the ground between my feet.

“Christ, Ed.” Lauren was there, patting my back as I emptied the contents of my stomach, which was mostly booze.

A few moments passed while I collected myself, and Lauren pulled me into the car that was waiting there for me.

The ride home felt like an eternity. Lauren sat in silence beside me, her hand resting lightly on my knee. The lamplights blurred together, the whir of London at night dulled by the knot in my chest.

“Ed,” she spoke softly. “You gotta clue me in here, what the hell happened?”

“I… she didn't know Poppy was going to be there.”

“And?” She pushed.

“I was stupid, I wanted to look… good, in front of her.”

“Okay, well that seems pretty normal?”

“I… didn't tell her that Poppy would likely be at the party. And I… kind of, got a little handsy with Kendra after I noticed she had gotten there. And her fucking dress, I pushed that dress on her even though she didn't seem comfortable in it, it just looked so goddamn good on her and…”

“Oh, Ed.”

“I came out of the bathroom and I just saw her from the back, stalking down the stairs like a bat out of hell. Did Poppy say something to her? Did you see?”

“No, no, I don't think so. I had just gotten there and your lovely Ex was staring daggers at Kendra, and I, um, mentioned her…. She was definitely taken aback.”

“She's going to hate me.”

“Ed, I'm sure it will be OK.”

“You didn't hear the things she said to me outside. I used her, Lauren, I'm fucking selfish and childish and I fucked it up.”

“Hey. Take a breath. We’ll get her, alright?”

“Will you call her again?”

She granted my request, though we both knew it was hopeless at this point. Her voicemail message rang out of the speaker phone as Lauren inhaled, mentally preparing some new desperate plea designed to get Kendra to pick up the phone.

Kendra -- please,” She started, but I just couldn't listen to her ask, no, beg, on my behalf again.

“Lauren, let me --” I reached out for the phone, pulling it up to my face. “Kenny, I fucked up, I’m so sorry. I don't deserve it but please, please, just call me. I can't.. I didn't..” I struggled for the right words. “This is real, US, everything - it's all real, it's not… you must think… fuck, just, PLEASE, answer? I need to know you're okay.”

Kendra……

I woke the next day, feeling surprised that I had slept so soundly. I wouldn't say well.

I hadn't had any actual dreams, per se, but I just had this haunting feeling like I had re-lived the previous night over and over, unable to wake, stuck in that reality.

I yawned and stretched out in the massive bed, safe under the cover of the fluffy white comforter.

But the safety of the comforter couldn't protect against my own thoughts.

Alright, Kendra. Time to get up and figure out what you're doing.

I threw the covers back and got up out of bed, re-tying the knot in my robe. That reminds me….

I walked out into the main living space of my Penthouse Fucking Suite and saw a neat little stack of packages near the door. It felt a little… odd, picturing a young concierge clerk running out to the shops and choosing the things from my list. But I was more than appreciative to not have to get back in my dress and heels.

I grabbed up the boxes and bags, setting them on the chic metal & glass dining table, extracting all the things I had asked for. I unraveled the cord of the cell phone charger and plugged my phone in to charge up. I pulled the tags off of the few basic clothing items, then dressed myself in the tight black leggings and v-neck tee.

I powered up my cellphone and watched another slew of missed calls register on the screen, the last one had been a little past 4AM, from the number I didn't have saved in my contacts.

And a single text from that same number.

*K, you deserve so much better than me. But I can't let you go. Please x

And suddenly, those tears I had been battling all broke loose, rushing fast and hot down the front of my cheeks.

Did I overreact? Okay, so he wanted to make his ex jealous, I'd be lying if I said I'd never tried especially hard to look good in front of an Ex.

I shrugged off the bathrobe and tugged on the tight black leggings. They were the size I asked for, but European sizes must be a bit less… generous, because man those suckers were tight. I struggled to pull them up over my ass… which only reminded me of Ed being grabby the night before. He was very affectionate, but this had been different. And now that I knew his Ex had been sat there, ten feet away and facing right toward us, all you could see was the smug smile on his face which I had, at the time, interpreted to be happiness or horniness or tipsiness. But now I knew, it wasn’t any of those. It was Look What I Got.

The tears dried up and I buckled down on my resolve. Be honest with yourself. This, plus him wanting to sell his gorgeous fucking house, because it reminds him of her?

He's not over her.

It was time to go home.

Thank you for reading !!!!!!! And not killing me !!!!!!!!!

[jo-the-schmo]

Traveling... Ch.2

Traveling Chapter 1

A/N: Listen, I know this took forever. No, I haven’t given up on the story. I’ve just been really sad lately so I haven’t done anything. Sorry not much happens in this, this chapter is just for fun I guess.

Wordcount: 2071

Warnings: Language?

Tags!!!!:  (I will be tagging everyone from the original series, tell me if you no longer want to be tagged! I will also be tagging some of the new people who were asked to be tagged!) @midnightokieriete @renae-writes @deltablue202  @literally-melonkitty @meunicorn @favouritefighting-frenchman @demigod-runner-who-potter @gum-and-chips @sweaterkitty-fluff @littlemissshortcakes@pinkyiger7 @unprofessional-inhumanbeing @fandom-panda-221  @hummusandchips @spoopy-piineapple @ashwolfcub @myself-and-the-madman @sweet-fate @superwholockbooknerd526 @frozengal2013 @itsmikayblr @sarmar29 @arya-durin-51 @phantastic-fandoms @hoshihime98@shinigamired @martapetrovic @robotic-space @tayahqr  @asprinkleofmermaids @satellitesuga @rose-coloured-nihilism @okie-dokie-artichokeme @pandartist @apandawithcookies @kitcatgirl2016

Traveling to Now

The man sitting at the desk raised his head, revealing his face that was covered by his hat. He had warm skin and dark eyes, looked like he hadn’t slept in days. There was another man in the room, he had lighter skin, a noticeable strong jaw, and short, dark hair. The air in the room was serious and skeptical. Oh no, did I come at a bad time?

“May I help you?” The man wearing the hat asked. You just noticed that he has a gap between his front teeth. Oh geez, that’s adorable…

“Who in God’s name are you?” The dark-haired man asked before you had a chance to answer the first question.

“I’m fairly certain I answered both of those questions when I first came in. My name is Titania Taylor, and I am offering my knowledge to your troops.” You heard loud footsteps approaching, John and Alex practically fell into the tent on either side of you.

“General Washington! Forgive us, we tried to stop her!” John huffed, clearly out of breath. He was looking at the man sitting down with the cute gap tooth, saluting him. Oh, so this is our first president… OH MY GOD THIS IS OUR FIRST PRESIDENT!

“That is quite alright, Lieutenant Laurens. I am more concerned with who exactly this tenacious young lady is.”

“Again, I already answered this…twice actually.”

“Your Excellency, Miss Taylor has revealed confidential information…both our own and General Clinton’s.” Your eyes flitted back and forth between Washington and Alex. They had stopped talking but it felt as though the conversation was still going. Washington cleared his throat, something’s up for sure.

“What has she requested, Alex?” It’s really weird to hear someone else calls him that…

“She wants to be a nurse, sir.” George seemed to think over what Alex told him.

“Very well, take her in to see the Head Nurse. Thank you for joining our cause, Miss Taylor.” He stated bluntly. Well,…that was different than I expected… Alex nodded, turned to you and gestured for you to follow him. You were too confused to not go along with it. The two of you stepped out of the tent. I’ve only ever seen Alex when he’s older, I could see why women would swoon over him. He looks so lively…not tired and worn out from all this bullshit.

“Alex, I think we may have started off on the wrong foot. I didn’t intend to-”

“Alex? Did you just call me Alex?” Shit…I need to get used to this.

“I apologize, I did not intend to do that. May I call you Alex?” You kept your voice a bit softer, peace is the easiest hand to play.

“I suppose, I’ve never heard a woman be so forward and call me by a nickname.” It was a statement, but it sounded more like a question.

“I guess forward is a word you could use. Forthright is what I typically hear.” You chuckled, you could see a small grin on his face.

“Miss Titania-”

“You can just call me Titania, saying ‘Miss’ is too formal.” You corrected.

“Titania… You mentioned before that you ran away. I do not mean to pry but seeing as though you will be on our grounds, I feel as though I must know these things.” Must he know these things?

“Why is that?”

“Well, it is more of a safety precaution than anything else.” What does that even mean? You were about to ask him again but he stopped before you could. You were in front of a long, white tent, women were running in and out, carrying different supplies. “This is your stop, Titania. Perhaps we may chat later.” He chuckled and flourished into a bow before promptly turning around and walking away. This is such a busy time… You looked on at the tent and suddenly felt out of place. Okay, I need to get in there before my anxiety makes me think about it too much. You did your best to avoid bumping into the rushing women but sometimes it was inevitable. You were relieved when you finally made it inside but the current of bodies moving through wasn’t any better. There was no way you’d be able to find the head nurse in all this chaos, it was way too overwhelming. That’s when you felt a hand on your shoulder.

“Are you looking for someone, missy?” You turned to find an older woman. You couldn’t quite explain it, but she seemed so familiar to you. She gave off this comforting energy, it made you feel safe for some reason. Her clothes were all white but a few grass stains covered it.

“Um…Yes, I’m looking for the head nurse?” The woman let out a loud laugh when you answered.

“You are a lucky one, aren’t you? I’m the head nurse!” She put her hands on her hips with a wide smile on her lips. “Think someone my age would be here if she wasn’t in charge?”

“Oh, thank goodness, I didn’t think I’d ever figure out who was who!” You let out a deep sigh. “My name is Y/N, it’s nice to meet you.” You smiled, she raised an eyebrow.

“Interesting…Well, people around here just call me Mama. An old lady like me builds up a reputation pretty quickly!” She couldn’t be any older than 50, she wasn’t that old. Why did she seem so confused about my name?

“Well ‘mama’, I’m here to help. I do not actually know what I’m supposed to be doing…” You thought you might as well be honest with her.

“That’s quite alright, missy. None of my girls really know what they are doing just yet. I’ll put you on the stock until you get settled.” Her eyes were so gentle and loving, you immediately trusted her, which was something you never did. She pointed you over to a large stack of wooden boxes. “In those are some of our supplies…I need you to count them out and record how much of each item we have…organize them.” Her voice sounded disappointed by something. You nodded and made your way over to the other side of the tent. The wall was only a little taller than you, at least the closest part of it was. You plucked off the top box and set it down on the ground. There was straw inside of it to keep its contents safe from breaking. You pulled it out and were confused by what you saw. There hardly anything in the box at all. You pulled out a small bottle with a thick, yellow liquid inside. It read ‘Lavender Spirit’ in neat cursive on the label. Lavender oil? Is this supposed to calm them down? You set it back down onto the wooden bottom and grabbed a glass jar on the other side. It was filled with white powder, the label said, ‘Cream of Tartar’. Another bottle had a cork top, it was a sickly brown, coppery color. ‘Calomel’? Isn’t that mercury?! You went and grabbed another box, setting it down next to the first one. There was hardly anything in that one as well. Laudanum? Paregoric? Isn’t that just opium? There was a black rimmed, glass cup. What the fuck even is this?! You checked more and more boxes, they were all like this. Two to four supplies, the most prominent being bandages. My professor wasn’t kidding, this shit is awful! It also bothered you that these boxes had hardly anything in them. Why have this many boxes for so little supplies? That’s when it hit you. It’s a morale tactic. It makes it seem like there’s a lot of supplies when there isn’t. And most of these things don’t even work… You took inventory of what you could and tried to make at least some level of order.

You tried to count out the number in your head. 12,000 men and there can’t be any more than 100 nurses…The death rate was low but that’s still pretty brutal… I haven’t even seen the doctor yet! After you had finished, Mama came back.

“Nice job! Now that that’s all sorted out, it’s time to get you sorted out.” Your head tilted a bit to the side.

“Hm?”

“Uniform, a place to sleep, food, perhaps?” She suggested.

“Very well, I believe I've finished anyway.” Mama led you out to a new tent where there were several cots lined up. They're really trying to make room, aren’t they? She went over to a large crate, picking a sack out of it and handing it to you.

“Go ahead and change into this, I will get you some food. Just meet me by the last tent, people will be filing into there, can’t miss it.” She gave you one last smile before pointing toward the opposite side of the tent where a privacy curtain hung from the ceiling and then left you to be alone. You took the sack and stepped behind the curtain. Taking off the blue jacket that you were accustomed to working in and the top layer of your dress. You pulled the new cloth out of the sack and were a bit shocked. It took you a second to realize that Mama was the only woman wearing white, most likely so she could be pointed out in a crowd. The fabric was a thick, black material, not quite suitable for this kind of weather. You pulled it over your head, getting your arms through the long sleeves. It was a bit loose, but you could fix that later. You buttoned the four white buttons on the torso and straightened out the white collar. There was also a dark grey ribbon in the bottom of the sack. This must be to tie my hair up? You pulled your hair back and tied it off with the ribbon, it took you a few tries to get it right but you got there eventually…kinda?

You exited the tent and immediately picked up on where you were supposed to go, due to how many people were coming in and out of the overflowing tent. You clutched the sack, now holding your old jacket and over-layer, when you spotted Mama off next to the tent. Picking up the edge of your skirt, you hurried to her, the heat already seeming to be too much for how hot it was. You finally made it over to Mama, she handed you an already prepared plate.

“It’s beef today, tomorrow will most likely be turkey. Heard some of the boys messing with them earlier.” She chuckled to herself. The plate held a dry piece of beef, some sort of bread and a small bowl of uncooked potatoes. You tried to take a bite of the bread…you immediately regretted it. Hardtack…of course…how could I be so blind?! Mama snorted at the face you were making. Suddenly, a savory smell wafted through the air. Sweet time travel, what is that smell?! It was coming from the opposite side of the tent. Mama looked at your longing eyes and tapped your shoulder. “Follow me, missy.”

You made sure to keep close behind her to ensure that you wouldn’t get separated. She led you to where the heavenly smell was coming from and were greeted by some familiar faces. Alex, John, and Hercules were sitting on some cut-down logs, surrounding a fire with a pot hanging over it. The smell was obviously coming from the pot. Herc is the first to notice you and Mama approaching, his face literally lit up.

“It’s always a good day when Mama pays a visit!” He exclaimed, the other two men instantly turned their heads with huge grins on their face. Wow, Mama is really popular, isn’t she?

“Hello, boys! Our new little miss caught a whiff of what you were cooking. You wouldn’t mind her joining you, right?” John and Alex looked skeptical but Herc was more than hospitable.

“Of course! I tried to have a pleasant conversation with her earlier, but somebody just had to interrupt!” Herc gave Alex the side eye. SHAAAAAADE! Alex groaned, it made this even more comical. Herc patted the seat next to him and you happily accepted his invitation. Mama excused herself, saying that she had to go take care of something.

Well…now I’m alone with them…shit what the hell am I supposed to talk about?! 

[schpiedehl]

Reasons I hate the Hamilton fandom

Disclaimer: I’m a mod of one Hamilton fb group, an admin of another much smaller group, have seen the show twice, and a huge fan of many of the actors and creatives, not just the original cast. I am entrenched in the Hamilton fandom and have been for nearly 2 years so all of this comes from personal experiences with the fandom. I do not hate the actual musical and having talked to many folks and made friends through this fandom, I can confirm that it has had a positive effect on many people, especially aspiring actors of color. I had criticisms of the actual musical (reductive view of American history, perpetrates American exceptionalism, bootstraps narrative, not as feminist as fans insist, etc) but I’m mostly just addressing the issues within the fandom not within the media. The problems with the fandom is nebulous and manifold so I’m gonna try to be as thorough as possible here: - for those that don’t know, Hamilton is a show made by POC creatives for actors of color. The casting is not “color blind” it is racially conscious. All leads always, aside from the silly, villainous King George, are intended to be played by actors of color and the much of the fandom absolutely REFUSES TO ACKNOWLEDGE THIS. It ranges from the benign-seeing assertions that Hamilton is colorblind and therefore race of the actor doesn’t matter as much as talent (false, with the underlying belief that a white actor will somehow be better suited/more talented in a role that is literally not written for them) to petulant assertions that one white fan or another will be the first white actor to play x role, to erasing the racial identities of light-skinned black, latinx, and asian actors to fit the manufactured narrative that white actors can and have played principal roles and the show is therefore colorblind. Fans are quick to point out the ambiguous wording of “America then told by America now,” intended to subtly indicate POC, as meaning white folk, despite the continuous assertions by the creatives that this is simply not the case. - whitewashing in fan art. Hand in hand with the refusal by many white fans to acknowledge the fact that Hamilton the Musical is intended for POC, white fan artist almost universally draw the actors-as-characters with lighter skin, lighter eyes, and more typically European features. Lin, who played Hamilton in the original cast, is a Latino man of mixed race heritage with tan skin, black hair, and dark eyes yet fan art of him as Hamilton is nearly always pale, red haired, and sometimes even blue-eyed. Artists will defend this as interpretation and some will even indicate that Hamilton was white irl so this is more accurate but Hamilton irl and Lin were nothing alike and he presence of a goatee in Hamilton Fan art is an indisputable sign that the artist is drawing Lin, not the real life, baby faced Hamilton. Dark skinned actors like Okieriete Onaodowan (Hercules Mulligan in the original cast) are rarely drawn and when they are they tend to be heavily lightened. - characters deemed queer by the fandom - notably John Laurens who was thought to be gay or bi in real life by many historians - is often heavily feminized in fan art, despite the fact neither the character nor the actual figure are ever noted as being particularly effeminate. This is of course fetishization symptomatic of applying heteronormativity to gay relationships. - fans often reject and demonize female characters. This is not universal but many fans have negative reactions to Hamilton’s wife, Eliza (and ignore and/or demonize her in regards to the gay ship of Hamilton/Laurens, despite Laurens having died shortly after Hamilton married Eliza. Hamilton fans believe almost universally that Hamilton was bi irl, which is supported by historical consensus, but the notion of him actually being with a woman repulses much of the fandom. - basically standard biphobia). Fans are also extremely gross about Maria Reynolds. - a separate part of the fandom refuses to acknowledge both the historical consensus of the Hamilton/Laurens relationship and the fact that that musical contains several intentional references to it. I’ve been told many times to keep that “gay shit” out of the fandom. - shipping wars of course. - blind worship of the characters either without regard to their historical counterparts or including their historical counterparts. - slavery apologism. Comparing slaves to modern consumer items and/or farm animals to demonstrate the ubiquity of slavery and/or people’s mindset regarding it. While it is true that people are the product of their time, “everyone owned slaves” and “you cannot judge them by the Norms of our culture” are common silencing/apologist techniques which both lack nuance and perpetuate racist ideals. It also erases the fact that abolitionism and moral opposition to slavery existed not only in post-revolution society but also within the very people who owned slaves. Thomas Jefferson wrote that slavery was the worst evil while simultaneously owning and raping slaves. - I’ve encountered at least one person with a bona fide slavery fetish. That’s not the fandom as a whole but it is worth noting. - abhorrent beliefs are common re: Thomas Jefferson’s relationship with Sally Hemings. - this has basically been covered above but rampant racism is not uncommon in this fandom. You get the distinct feeling that a sizeable portion has never once interacted with a person of color before, based on the ways they claim ownership over the actors, portray the characters, talk about racial issues, etc - speaking of the actors: fans are very gross toward the actors in a variety of different ways. - fans fetishize the fuck out of Daveed Diggs, who played Jefferson in the original cast. Diggs, for reference is a biracial black Jewish man, a rapper, actor, and activist best known outside of Hamilton for his work with clipping., which includes an extremely politically charged afrofuturist space rap opera. Fans tend to do a couple things in regards to Diggs. One, they conflate him with irl Jefferson leading so some really and truly bizarre headcanons and fan interpretations. Diggs himself has no love for irl Jefferson and has - along with the rest of the cast - cautioned fans against romanticizing the real figures, apparently to limited success. More heinously, however, I have seen people claiming ownership of Digg’s body and hair (claiming they would be upset if his cut it, or would stop being his fan even), made comments about keeping him as a sex slave, fetishizing his ethnic features, or even denying his blackness in favor of fetishizing his white, Jewish heritage. I’ve even seen a white woman comment that she wanted to kill diggs’ black girlfriend, skin her, and wear her as a suit to attract Diggs. No fucking joke. Diggs work as a musician is loved by many fans but others reject it as “scary black music.” - this happens with other actors tho not as much as Diggs. Fans have made plenty of comments about Okieriete Onaodowan’s “big black spy on the inside,” for instance, showing further capacity to fetishize black bodies. - for many fans, the original cast can do no wrong. They will go out of their way to justify and forgive anything that can be seen as problematic rather than acknowledging that they can still like a person that has problematic aspects. - or conversely, they gang up on actors on twitter, or tag them in hate/undeservedly negative critique. - replacements and non-OBC casts are largely ignored and several of the actors have been trolled or sent hate simply because they are not the originals. There is also the mindset that no one could ever be better than the original and the show is not worth seeing without the originals which is extremely disrespectful toward the replacement actors. - a large portion of the fandom claims that Hamilton is the only rap they like, or that they don’t like hip hop at all. When the Hamilton mixtape - and album featuring inspired-bys and covers of Hamilton songs by contemporary singers and rappers, was released fans HATED IT, many pointed out that they hated the hip hop sound and the “bastardization” of the music. Many of the songs on the Mixtape were by artists which inspired Hamilton in the first place. - a lot of the fans are just plain cringey. Bad head canons which become more ubiquitous than the actual canon portrayals, extremely forceful when it comes to trying to “convert” people, extremely adverse to any kind of criticism of the musical, history, or the actors, obnoxious at cons, etc. - art theft is rampant - extreme classism re: bootlegs especially - older fans have a tendency to be extremely abusive toward younger fans. Not all young fans are bad but bad memes and stupid references are met with extreme, quick, and unwarranted vitriol.

[shipklance]

Black Paladin Lance????

Okay I’m about to make a long theory about why I think black paladin Lance can AND SHOULD happen DISCLOSURE: I may be hard core reaching so don’t get your hopes up (uh or down if you want black paladin Keith???).

I’m gonna start from the beginning, when in the dessert, the blue lion doesn’t open for Keith, but the second Lance knocks on the barrier she opens up immediately, so you’d think he’s meant for the blue lion. However, in an interview, Lauren said something along the lines of “we put the paladins in the lions that felt right now in order for them to evolve” so I’m thinking that the way everything is set up right now is only like this in order for them to grow. Lance growing is something that Joaquim Dos Santos has brought up in numerous interviews. In fact, the topic of Lance maturing has been talked about a lot by the writers and the voice actors. Moving on, when Allura talks about the qualities of the black lion she says it should be someone who’s “always in control”, which is literally in no way, shape, or form Keith ever. Keith is in, Lance’s words, HOT HEADED, like he really is. He’s really impulsive and TEMPERAMENTAL, just like the red lion. He always thinks before he acts, (RUNNING ON INSTINCTS!!!) which is another quality of the RED lion. These are all really great things about Keith, but they’re also really not qualities a level headed leader should have. 

While on the topic of Keith, let’s talk about season two. In season two, the writers made it clear time and time again that the red lion has a special bond with Keith. Keith got ejected into space multiple times and the red lion saved him every one of those times. If the writers were planning on making Keith the new black paladin, it just seems weird to me for them to put emphasis on the bond Keith has with the red lion in season two so much. Keith truly does seem as if he’s meant for the red lion. He fits all the criteria that the red lion wants in a paladin perfectly. Keith constantly acts alone with no regard to the other paladins. Like how Keith somehow thinks the second he and Zarkon are within arms reach of each other it’d be smart to fight him one on one instead of waiting for the other paladins to form Voltron. He’s just the type of person who thinks it’s best to take action in the moment without thinking it through. Honestly, I can go on and on about instances in which Keith has shown that his personality just isn’t fit to be a leader (he’s great though, really! I love him), but let’s talk about Lance now. Yes, he can be immature and a little wild at times, but he can and has matured a lot already. There are a lot of instances in which Keith was about to do something reckless without thinking and Lance tries to talk him out of it. Lance is just overall better at assessing a situation and thinking of the best course of action. Lance has a big family, including little nieces and nephews, so he must have patience and know what it’s like to be in charge sometimes. To be a good leader, you can’t be a very temperamental or high-strung person. So unless Lance was a sucky and/or mean uncle, he’s probably in control of his emotions cause, you know, children can be annoying. 

Now I’m gonna talk a little about season three episode one, as well as both of the season three trailers released. This episode and one of the trailers were shown at comic con and I was there, so if you don’t want any spoilers about the episode please skip this. Okay so first of all, Lance showed his growth a lot in this episode. Lance always calls Keith his “rival”, yet when Keith was down about Shiro’s disappearance, he steps up to comfort him without hesitation. Everyone side eyes Lance, but he doesn’t even look back at them. Like he already knows, without looking at them, that he’s gonna go console Keith because that’s just the type of person Lance is. Lance is very caring and he wants to help everyone, even his “rival”. Just the fact that he did this shows how much he’s matured. 

Also, Keith was SUPER temperamental this episode, saying things to possible former allies out of the anger he had from losing Shiro. Of course, he’s angry and sad, but he was being really careless. Not once, did he think about how the words he said would hurt their ties with these aliens. Like look at him being all whiny and angry!

I mean I love Keith I really do but come on man wyd??

Okay here’s where I talk about tiny details that I happened to notice in the trailer/episode release!  These are just things I noticed and they could really mean nothing, but I love reaching. So, in the end of the first episode of season three just look at the way the lion is positioned. 

Then look at the way it’s positioned when everyone, BUT LANCE is surrounding it. 

The mouth is opened and the arm is in a slightly different position as well. So clearly, the lion has already been moved. I think they’re all tried to do it the way Shiro said it should be done, with Keith being the new leader. So yeah obviously, Keith is seen piloting the black lion in both trailers. Yet, the way they’re all surrounding the lion makes it seem like they’re somehow experiencing some issues with it. In the trailer, there are a lot of times in which there seems to be struggles with the lions and the way they’re being piloted. Weirdly enough, the blue lion seems to be having the most struggles. Like especially this part where the blue lion is literally out of control flailing around into an abyss or something??

Where it go??? Okay anyway, this is may be reaching, but during all these scenes we really don’t know who is piloting the blue lion. What I think could be a possibility is that the blue lion isn’t cooperating with Lance well because she knows it’s time for lance to move on since Lance has grown and should go to the lion he’s meant for. I think he gets the message and automatically assumes that this means he should move on to the red lion (since it’s pretty much predetermined that Keith is gonna pilot black), so he does. They try this out but there are so many problems! Like they don’t get why none of this is working out the way they want it to. So going back to everyone huddling around the black lion in it’s hangar. Maybe the black lion isn’t really cooperating because Keith is trying to CONTROL it, which the black lion isn’t a fan of. That isn’t really a good thing for Keith because he has a controlling personality even though he isn’t in control of his own emotions. Keith has already piloted the black lion when Shiro was being attacked, but that was in a desperate time of need. Keith pleaded with the black lion and he probably does that again to pilot it the second time. 

However, in battle, I don’t see Keith talking to get through to the black lion. In battle, he’s just moving on instincts and his first instinct probably isn’t to talk it out calmly with his lion if it’s not cooperating. Knowing Keith he’s probably just like LISTEN TO ME!!!! STOP IT!!!! What I’m thinking is Keith just isn’t meant to pilot the black lion because his personality and the black lion don’t mix well. Keith tries to pilot the black lion even though it isn’t exactly working out which is when, after a mission gone wrong, they all stand around the black lion and try to figure out what the heck is the problem. I think they all take turns trying to get the lion to work with them. Then, Lance gives it a go which is why he’s not in that photo above where they’re all staring at the black lion. So maybe he touches the lion, and that’s when the lions mouth opens for him. So everyone kinda just stands there looking and shocked telling him he should go inside, so he does. Then I think Lance sits in the hangar and the lion MOVES for Lance like without hesitation. Like the screen cap of everyone but Lance surrounding the black lion and the screen caps of the black lion moving look like they are literally back to back. I mean the lion is literally lying in the same position it was before.

Maybe the lion had a lot of hesitation and took a lot of pleading on Keith’s end in order for him to pilot black. Then, Lance goes and connects with the lion so easily, which makes everyone realize ‘oh my gosh wait maybe, Lance is actually meant to pilot the black lion in Shiro’s absence.’ I think a lot of the time, Lance is overlooked as some comedic relief, so it’d be really nice if he just got a litle recognition for how strong and mature he actually is. Like he obviously isn’t the responsible adult Shiro is, but he also isn’t the childish flirt he is sometimes made out to be. GIVE LANCE AND HUNK RESPECT PLEEASE. But okay,  I don’t know what’s going on during that whole scene but it’s fun to theorize. This is literally just a lot of speculation and I only wrote this for fun, cause yeah I’m pretty doubtful this could happen, but idk MAYBE??!?!