#lenten reflection

[bibilium]

Discover the spiritual journey from Palms to Passion with our inspiring Holy Week sermon. Let us guide you through this sacred time of reflection and renewal.

[takeeverythoughtcaptive]

Tattoos For Eternity

“Behold, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are continually before me.” – Isaiah 49:16 (ESV) Tattoos and body piercings, once reserved for the anti-establishment crowd, are now fully integrated into the mainstream. You’re as likely to see a millennial soccer mom sporting a tattoo, gauges, or septum ring as you are a biker or teenager. These forms of body art were created through pain and convey a sense of permanence. In the case of tattoos, they often commemorate something of special significance or affection to the wearer. The Old Testament book of Isaiah is known for its messianic prophesies. While the prophet's words were intended for a contemporary audience, they also had applications for future generations. In the 49th chapter of Isaiah, the Israelites lament that God has abandoned them. The 14th verse reads, “But Zion said, “The Lord has forsaken me; my Lord has forgotten me.” In the verses following, God, speaking through Isaiah, reiterates his love for his people, comparing it to that of a nursing mother for her child. God concludes his declaration of love by stating that Israel was engraved on the palms of his hands. It's easy for modern readers to think of engraving as a synonym for tattooing. The tattooing process involves piercing the skin to inject ink. From a messianic perspective, this engraving was far more painful and impactful. It finds its fulfillment in Jesus Christ being nailed through his hands to a cross. Christ paid for our sins by dying on the cross as an expression of his love for us. Romans 5:8 states, “but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Jesus retained the marks of his crucifixion in his resurrected body. After his resurrection, he showed his disciples the nail prints in his hands to prove his identity. Jesus's glorified body had incredible power. He was able to walk through locked doors and transport to distant places. He was perfected in all ways, yet he kept the scars of his nail-pierced hands as tattoos for eternity as tangible signs of his love for us. We have all felt abandoned by God at one time or another. But God the Father abandoned his son, Jesus, so we would not have to be abandoned. The next time we feel devoid of God’s love, look at your palms and reflect on Jesus’s nail-scarred palms, pierced for you and me.

[mothermarysprotection]

Gospel Reading For Today | Gospel Reflection | Catholic Mass Readings - ...

[chicoinematt7]

A Lenten Reflection from the Uncatechized Catholic

By: Desirae Sifuentes Living in the Arizona desert, Lent has always held familiarity for me. The death themes of brown, sand, dust, dry… it’s a part of the Lenten season that never leaves. Jesus walked the desert for forty days, and I have many a time had the briefest taste of His experience when the temperatures go north of 112 and I’ve walked to my mailbox without water. The hot summer sun…

[cmcsmen]

Unplugging from the Digital World; Finding Renewal During Lent

By Frank J Casella

Photo: ' Speak Lord. Thy Servant is Listening' - Copyright 2010 Frank J Casella.

Digital Distractions

Lent is a time to turn our minds and hearts back to God. Many men tell me there are too many distractions. Much of our distractions they say come from balancing our digital life with real life. For one, our smart phones are designed to keep our attention.

In the season of Lent, it is important to reflect on how much time we spend on our devices and make a conscious effort to disconnect and / or refocus its use on our spiritual journey. 

With the constant availability and access to technology, it's easy to get caught up in the digital world and lose focus on what truly matters. It may be challenging at first, but by limiting our screen time and intentionally setting aside moments for prayer and contemplation, we can create a more meaningful and fulfilling Lenten experience. Let us use this time to break free from the grip of digital distractions and re-center our minds and hearts on our faith.

After a long seven years, I finally parted ways with my trusty flip phone. But instead of upgrading to the latest and greatest smartphone, I decided to go against the tide and "dumb down" my new basic device (which is still very powerful). Why, you ask? Well, let's just say it's all for the sake of creating better videos and content for CMCS (which I can't do with a flip phone). Through this process, I've discovered some nifty tricks for maximizing phone usage while minimizing distractions.

Trust me, it's possible. For starters, I disabled the pesky browser and binned the email app. Who needs constant notifications and distractions anyway? And why bother with constant data and Wi-Fi when you can download music, maps, and more for offline use? Plus, for all my Android users out there, you can even ditch Google Play altogether. It's easy to get caught up in the bells and whistles of modern technology, but let's not forget the original purpose of having a phone in our pockets - accessibility. And with these handy tips and tricks, I can stay connected while staying focused on what truly matters.

Resisting the constant allure of our phones can feel like a daunting challenge, though making a conscious decision to reduce phone usage is worth the effort in the long run, finding a healthy balance. By setting boundaries and sticking to them, you can reclaim your time and focus on fulfilling pursuits.

The fastest way to success in life, is to replace bad habits with good habits.

By removing the plethora of distracting apps from our home screens, we can turn our phones into a personal news source. Every app icon becomes a potential headline, enticing us to click and consume more content. But by removing these tempting and addictive icons, we can take control of our phone and prioritize the tasks that truly matter. We can reduce our screen time and focus on the important things in life, rather than being constantly bombarded by the latest news and social media updates.

... In today's digital age, it's easy to get caught up in mindlessly scrolling through endless social media feeds or playing addictive mobile games. However, Cal Newport, a computer science professor and author, reminds us that these seemingly harmless activities are actually making someone else richer every time we tap on our screens. Instead, he suggests a more intentional approach to using our phones. Let's take his wise words and purge any app that only serves to benefit the companies behind them. Let's only use our phones for utility, such as staying connected with loved ones or completing necessary tasks. By doing so, we can break free from the constant need for stimulation and reclaim control over our precious time and attention. 

As a busy individual, I know the importance of maximizing my time and staying focused on tasks at hand. That's why I have adopted the habit of bookmarking the blogs, videos, and news sources that I regularly follow. By doing so, I am able to easily access these sources without wasting time scrolling through endless feeds and distracted by notifications. Additionally, I have discovered the usefulness of privacy-focused content readers like on WordPress.com, as well as using browsers like Vivaldi and Brave. These tools not only help me stay organized and productive, but they also provide a sense of privacy and security while browsing the Internet. With these resources, I am able to efficiently consume content and stay informed without being bombarded by distracting ads and pop-ups. Overall, utilizing bookmarking and privacy-focused tools has greatly improved my productivity and minimized distractions in my online activities.

Picture a world where your phone isn't your lifeline, but instead, a mere tool to enhance your experiences. A world where the endless scrolling and constant notifications take a backseat to living in the moment. This is the idea that captivates countless individuals, as proven by the widespread practice of relinquishing social media during Lent. It's a testament to the yearning for a harmonious relationship with our devices, where we are in control rather than being controlled.

II

The Vatican Office for Communication released a document entitled " Toward Full Presence," which holds the key to a more fulfilling and purposeful life: 

These guidelines are not just mere suggestions, but powerful tools that can transform one's digital experience into a force for good....

The first guideline is a call to action: break free from the grips of social media and reconnect with the real world. Take moments to pray, meditate, and engage in meaningful face-to-face interactions with loved ones. 

The second guideline is a question that will make you ponder: how does your social media usage affect your relationship with God, your neighbors, and the world around you? 

And finally, the third guideline is a call to be a digital missionary, spreading the Gospel and its values through the vast reaches of social media.

In his thought-provoking encyclical Fratelli Tutti, Pope Francis speaks of the dangers of relying solely on digital relationships. He warns that although these connections may give the illusion of sociability, true community cannot be built without the deliberate nurturing of friendships, consistent interaction, and the patient growth of shared values. When it comes to spreading our Catholic faith in the digital world, we must tread carefully. If we neglect the virtues of charity, prudence, and truth, our efforts may actually cause harm instead of bringing about the desired good.

The bishops in Canada recently have suggested taking a break from screens (once a week) and engaging in a technology Sabbath. This idea highlights the need for balance in our use of technology and reminds us to disconnect and focus on other aspects of our lives.

It also serves as a reminder to not get caught up in the bubble of our own views and to engage with different perspectives. In this way, we can cultivate a healthier relationship with technology and utilize it in a more intentional and mindful manner.

[slowtumbling]

Sickbed Resurrection Morning

Home in bed, missing Easter worship, the lilies blooming beyond my reach. I lie here in the tomb of my bedroom, wrapped in the linens of fatigue, waiting. Easter bells ring in the distance, but my bones are quiet, my breath shallow. Still, a broken body is not the final word.He is risen.Not because I stand, not because I sing, but because Love cannot be buried.The promise echoes in the silence,…

[a-queer-seminarian]

A fitting Lenten read: The Darkness Divine by the Unitarian Universalist Rev. Dr. Kristen L. Harper.

ID: book pages titled "A Theology of Darkness," beginning with a poem titled "The Darkness Divine" [breaks added for readability] and continue into prose paragraphs:

" God resides in depths of darkness as in the light of sunbeams. The moon shines brighter surrounded by night and life is secure in the black waters of the womb.

As the night sky littered with stars demonstrates again and again, there is beauty in darkness and beauty in light— one no more brilliant then the other, one no more necessary than the other, one always complementing the other.

Without the heated darkness of the Universe, splitting neutrons, electrons, and protons from atoms, life and light would never be.

The task for us today is to recognize God in both — To see the divine in the rich brown earth, the textured black walnut, as well as the white snow and the pale pink jellyfish. To see the sacred in the panther and the swan. To embrace the dignity of the Black Madonna, as it is embodied in the Virgin Mary.

The task for us today is to look into the multifaceted colors of the onyx and see the miraculous spectrum of color produced in the prism of a diamond.

To begin the dismantling of our racist language, we first need a new theology of darkness—a new way to relate to the darkness, blackness, and brownness that surrounds us, and to the people whose skin is often reflected in our disempowering language. Poetry can help us cultivate a different relationship with and to blackness and darkness. In the darkness exists a time for rest, a time of regeneration and healing, a time of safety and nourishment, and a time of letting go to relax in God's embrace.

As a spiritual humanist, I believe that which we call God — the energetic force of love and creation — is within us and around us, connecting and empowering us as we move toward one another and through the world. While there are many definitions of theology, I lead with a theology rooted in relationship with one another, the earth, God, the spirit of life, all that is holy, and the higher good that can occur when we recognize and affirm our interdependence. This relationship, both conscious and unconscious, impacts how we operate in the world, how we view and treat others, and how we respond to injustices in which we play a part. "

Last image shows the back cover of the book, which has a blurb and then a pic of the author, a Black woman with dark hair and glasses smiling at the viewer, next to an about the author section:

" Too often in U.S. culture-and notably in faith communities— a culture of white supremacy is reinforced in damaging but unexamined ways.

In The Darkness Divine, minister and poet Kristen L. Harper confronts and unpacks the language, imagery, buzzwords, and cultural touchstones that demean and dehumanize Black people but are so commonplace they can easily escape notice.

More importantly, in a brilliant arrangement of essays and poems in the vein of Claudia Rankine, Harper lifts up the strength, beauty, and resilience of Black people and outlines a path forward. She invites readers to explore what they have learned and assimilated so they might de-center whiteness and stretch their understanding and imagination to radically transform perceptions of blackness.

While directed at her own Unitarian Universalist tradition, The Darkness Divine is a powerful and loving challenge to all those committed to the work of dismantling white supremacy.

Rev. Dr. Kristen L. Harper is the minister of the Unitarian Church of Barnstable, Massachusetts, where she has served for 18 years. Rev. Harper previously served in Ormond Beach, Florida. She received her D.Min from Meadville Lombard Theological School in 1999, and was only the second Black woman to be called to a Unitarian Universalist Congregation as sole minister. She has contributed to Voices from the Margins: An Anthology of Meditations and Centering: Navigating Race, Authenticity, and Power in Ministry. "

[bibilium]

Let us now discover the rich heritage of Lent practices, from ancient rituals to modern adaptations. You can navigate the labyrinth of Lent with ease with our comprehensive guide.

[mothermarysprotection]

Gospel Reading For Today | Gospel Reflection | Catholic Mass Readings - ...

[blessedarethebinarybreakers]

Palm Sunday Was a Pride Parade

A reflection by K Kriesel, shared with their permission.

Rev. Winnie Varghese preached on Palm Sunday a decade ago "When there was a parade [in Jesus's time], it was Rome coming in to show them they were conquered, that their God had been humiliated, that they would never be free. And Jesus comes in looking like David... This is not a bunch of people thinking resurrection comes at the end of this week."

Each Palm Sunday we celebrate the Lenten Pride parade - the one without corporate sponsorship. While everyone lays palms down, they form a can-can line and sing "Hosanna to the son of David! We are the Stonewall girls! Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord! We wear our hair in curls! Hosanna in the highest!"

Irreverence in the face of somber Empire. A parade that says "you might extract taxes from us but you don't own us. You might put your soldiers on this land but it's not your land." After all, a “Lord” owns land/labor so those who laid down palms were very clear about who they were celebrating, and it wasn’t the Roman Empire.

Within Holy Week we have a sharp pivot from celebratory procession to an unjust execution. This clash in tone is not unlike switching from June 30 to July 1, when the thirteen colonies replace the rainbow; Empire doesn’t care who you celebrate, it exerts power. The wheel of Empire crushed Jesus’ followers just days after they celebrated His arrival, and it continues to crush us.

We need the camp of Palm Sunday, to lay down bedazzled palms and sequins-covered cloaks. When church/state pass laws to restrict us & to protect those who harm us, irreverence shows we won’t be touched at our core. Don your septum piercing and laugh in the face of fear!

In John’s gospel there were 2 angels inside the tomb, they were Trixie Mattel & Katya Zamolodchikova and the sound of the stone being rolled away was UNHhhh. When Mary Magdalene tried to embrace the risen Christ, Jesus saith unto her “touch me not, for my nails are not yet dry.” 💅🏻

Find more of K's art and words at kkriesel.com or on Instagram at kkrieselart. You can also hear my podcast interview with them here.

[apenitentialprayer]

A first call to conversion thus comes from the realization that all of us are pilgrims in this life; each of us is invited to stop and ask how our lives reflect this fact. Am I really on a journey, or am I standing still, not moving, either immobilized by fear and hopelessness or reluctant to move out of my comfort zone? Am I seeking ways to leave behind the occasions of sin and situations that degrade my dignity?

Pope Francis (2025 Lenten Address)

[lesorciercanadien]

Celebrations in Acadian Culture - Mardi-Gras, Ash Wednesday and Lent

For Christians the world over, Lent has begun! It is a movable time of the year, not always landing on the same day. It begins however, with Ash Wednesday. It falls 47 days before Easter. Ash Wednesday begins the Lenten season, where its objective is to practice moderation, repentance, fasting, and reflections on our spiritual lives. In the Scriptures, it reflects the period of time where Jesus, after being baptized by John the Baptist, wandered in the desert for 40 days to meditate and be at one with God to prepare himself for his mission on Earth.

The eve before Ash Wednesday (known as Shrove Tuesday in the English-speaking world, and Mardi-Gras to the Francophones) families make pancake suppers to indulge in one last sweet treat before the 40 days of sweet privation. In Acadian communities, on that Tuesday, sometimes the Monday prior, classes would be let off early so that the children could prepare themselves for a masquerade in town. It was tradition to go door to door, with masks and costumes and request treats and candy. Some festive seekers would ask for potatoes and lard to make poutines râpées (a potato dumpling) to enjoy later. They would sing: "C'est monsieur Marier, qui n'a pas encore dîné. Va dans tons baril de lard, Nous chercher du lard." and the hosts would sing back: "Mardi Gras, va-t-en pas, On fera des crêpes, Et p'is t'en auras." (It's Mr. Marier that hasn't supped yet. Go to your lard barrel, and give us some lard!" "Shrove Tuesday, don't go away, we'll make crêpes, and you shall have some!") These dumplings would be prepared in two big cauldrons or pots, one for the girls, one for the boys. Some would hide names of each person in the dumplings, and upon discovering the name, the person has to give a kiss on the cheek to the lucky recipient. Another tradition was to hide a black and white buttons in the dumplings. Whoever discovers a black button would be single for the year, and a white button would foretell a happy wedding on the way. It was also known that folks would pull molasses into golden strands to lay in the snow, and roll onto a stick to enjoy! It was also superstition to not go into the woods for firewood on Shrove Tuesday, for fear of being maimed by your own axe. (Dupont 287-290)

Ash Wednesday, a solemn day of fasting among traditional Christians, is meant to remind practitioners that they are made of dust, and to dust one day they will return. "Souviens-toi que tu es poussière et que retourneras en poussière." the priest would say as he would draw a cross from the cinders of last years' palm fronds or cedar twigs. It is a ceremony in which to reflect on our own mortality, and that we are not above anything in this world, but a part of it.

For the Lenten period of 40 days many Acadian families of the past would fast according to the Church's rules of the time, quite severe. It would include 2 ounces of bread for breakfast, a full meal at lunch time and a little snack for supper. Since the 1940s, the Church relaxed its restrictions a smidge, allowing most families who still practice to just avoid eating meat and fast on Ash Wednesday and Good Friday. Many people nowadays also take the time to avoid sweets, or defeat a particular vice, such as smoking. Some pious families would even do a family rosary prayer every morning, attend mass more often, and participate in the Way of the Cross on Fridays and sing hymns and songs for this time. It was encouraged by the local churches that parishioners take the Way of the Cross to and from Mass on every Wednesday and Friday night during Lent.

One of them, a classic of oral tradition of French Canada, would be "La Passion de Jésus-Christ" (The Passion of Jesus Christ). One edition was picked up by Carmen Roy, from a resident of Port-Daniel, Mme. Zéphirin Dorion (born Philomène Roy) in the 1950s. This edition can be found online, or on the album "Songs of French Canada, Folkways", or on the vinyl Acadie et Québec, produced by the Folklore Archives of the University of Laval in 1959. Answering to St. John, Christ predicts his own death on the cross in this song.

(Lyrics taken from Le Parnasse des coeurs d'amour épris, released October 10th 2013). The French grammar in this song shows the French Canadian accent in its speaking, with emphasis on the 'Z' sound accompanying plural words, and a rolling of the Rs. This song, constantly evolving with time, has its roots in medieval France, from the regions where Acadian and Québecois settlers came from. An example of the song track can be listened to below:

This link provides different versions from varying regions in France, Acadie and Québec:

https://books.openedition.org/editionsbnf/471?lang=en

The Lenten Season for Acadian communities was a time of quiet. No weddings could be celebrated and no kitchen parties and dance nights. Young men could not visit their beloved girlfriends and many folks stopped playing card games.

The Mi-Carême is on the horizon though, so hold fast! Another post will come for this day of revelry and feasting! Just so you can also hold your breath while you wait!

Ways to participate in Lent

listen to the song in this post, and savour its melody. If you can understand French and appreciate the words, all the more to you!

take last year's Palm Sunday cedar twigs or palm fronds hung on your doorway and burn them to ash. Mark your forehead with the ashes, repeating the words used in the rites to remind ourselves that we are dust and to dust we will return. It is tradition to wear this mark for the entire day. Yes, even if you have errands to run or have to go to work.

take up a religious or spiritual activity you would like to get better at. For example, I'm sitting with myself every day for Lent to read the New Testament, taking time to understand and contextualize the words I'm reading. I'm reading the First Nations Version this year.

what do you feel like you could abandon for 40 days? Do you have a shopping addiction that needs curtailing? A vice you'd rather not have? Time to reflect on it and try to do better. The point is not to be amazing at it from the start. If you slip up, forgive yourself and start again.

pray a morning rosary if you feel so inclined! Being mindful in the mornings instead of scrolling through your social feed can do wonders for your mental health.

Almsgiving is also an encouraged practice this time of year. I like to use Lent to promise myself I will serve all my customers at my job the way that any human being deserves to be served, and take time to get outside of myself and empathize with their needs (I work in banking, St. Matthew help me)

References

Georges Arsenault. La Mi-Carême en Acadie. Editions La Grande Marée. 2007.

Jean-Claude Dupont. Héritage d'Acadie. Editions Leméac. 1977.

https://books.openedition.org/editionsbnf/471?lang=en

[eternal-echoes]

Lenten Suggestions

With Lent being right around the corner, I figured this is a good time to make a post about suggestions on what to do during this time of the year for those people who are still unsure on what they should give up. These suggestions are just base on my personal experiences so if none of them resonate with you at all, that's totally fine because it just means that we have different flavors of Catholicism, since there are varieties of spiritual gifts but the same Holy Spirit (1 Corinthians 12: 4).

I once saw a post saying that giving up food for Lent with the goal of losing weight is bad because it's not for God. I don't totally disagree with that since fasting without prayer can just be dieting, but at the same time, it's not wrong to do so if done within reason (if you have an eating disorder or have a history of one then giving up food for Lent may not be the best choice for you). We're called to take care of the body so we can worship God. The body is good; while we shouldn't be slave to its desires we shouldn't condemn it as if it's intrinsically bad because God made it, and God is good. If you're really out of ideas of what to give up for Lent, giving up on certain favorite food or just cutting back portions of servings is better than not giving up anything. Because there was one Lent when I just didn't give up anything (except for participating on Friday Abstinence and certain days of Fasting) and I just ended up indulging more and it just didn't feel like Lent except when Fridays came around. Giving up on something during Lent teaches you to train the body to be under your command and that's really one of the points of Lent; so we wouldn't always succumb to our carnal desires and better able to resist sinful temptations.

Maybe instead of giving up something, try reading a spiritual book. Or both.

I have done 33 days consecration to St. Joseph Novena, 54-Day Rosary Novena, and just some regular 9-day novenas to saints during Lent. So if there's a particular saint you're drawn to, maybe now is a good time to increase your devotion to them.

Only checking Tumblr after 11pm instead of giving it up altogether.

I use to get daily email Lenten reflections from Bishop Robert Barron.

I also use to listen to Fr. Chad Ripperger talks. They're usually really long so I haven't been able to lately.

Did you know we have a Vatican Film List? One Lent I would watch one movie from the Religion section once a week.

[walkswithmyfather]

Lent Prayer For Renewal

“Precious Lord,

Thank You for Your guidance and protection. Thank You for giving me the strength to go through this Lenten season. I pray that by the end of this Lent period, I will be made anew in You. Help me not to be the same person I was before the season began. Renew my mind and my heart, Lord, teach me Your ways. Help me understand Your word. My soul yearns for You, dear Lord, fill me with Your spirit and draw me closer to You. Strengthen me when I'm weak, fill me when I feel empty. Renew my body and grant me the grace to do everything I do, Amen.” —The Graceful Chapter“Lent

“Lent offers us an opportunity to draw closer to God. It is a period when we reflect on what has gone by, ask for forgiveness, and prepare ourselves to mark the death and resurrection of Christ.”

[Read more at the link below.]

[sacredheart-stigmata]

A Prayer For Saint Catherine de Ricci's Feast Day (Feb 13th)

"The 'Mystical Marriage of St. Caterina de��� Ricci' by Pierre Subleyras

Saint Catherine de Ricci was an Italian Catholic nun and mystic in the Third Order of St. Dominic during the mid 1500s. She is best known for her visions of the Passion, her reoccurring weekly stigmata, and her eternal wedding ring she shared with Jesus. Records say she was so dedicated to her devotion towards the Passion of Christ that she bled from her back, hands, feet, and shoulders during Fridays, reflecting the wounds Jesus suffered during the crucifixion. She bore a mark on her finger from her mystical marriage with Christ, and her writings were referenced by multiple popes, including Pope Clement XII and Pope Benedict XIV.

In the Name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit

Amen.

Fervent believer, Catherine de Ricci, thank you for your example of true adoration for the Passion. So dedicated were you to the remembrance of the death of our Lord that you bore the wounds of His martyrdom weekly, and so enamored were you with Him that when you proposed to the Lord you kept the mark of His ring forever upon your finger.

Saint Catherine de Ricci, you gave all of yourself to God, and prostrated yourself before Jesus whenever you could, having total faith in His grace and love for you. “Gather up all your worries,” you said, preaching the power of our Savior’s dedication to us, “and make a bundle of them and throw them all into those most holy wounds of Jesus Christ. You could not put them anywhere better than in Jesus and his most holy Mother. They are the ones who are perfectly capable of consoling and calming the human heart.” You knew the never ending depths of God’s love for us, just as you knew the power and honor of His Passion.

Nobel Sister Catherine-- we look to you as an example as we approach the Lenten season next month. Pray for us to come to adore the meaning of the Passion as you did, and love it with such reverence that we grow to be able to love both our neighbor and God more with each passing day. Just as Christ suffered for us, and you suffered His wounds, pray for us to learn to suffer for one another, putting others before ourselves and dedicating us to making the world a loving place that honors the orphan and the widow, the immigrant and the poor, the sick and the hurting, just as God always intended. Pray that we may better come to understand the Will of God, and better appreciate His sacrifice, and become sure as a stone of His love for us, as seen through the agony of His crucifixion. 

Saint Catherine of Ricci, stigmatist, lover of Christ, devotee of the Passion, pray for us!

[gloryandgrace]

****TW: mentions of skin scrubbing (no blood), over-stimulation, and non-speaking episodes (idk if you need to warn for that but just in case)****

*Takes place following the previous interaction with @lauterishotter*

[The sound of Steph’s car’s engine revving up breaks through Grace’s thoughts. She grips the doorknob forcefully and slams the door shut, finding comfort in the satisfying click of the latch pushing into place. She’s safe again. She’s shut out temptation. This is her Eden.]

{But even Eden wasn’t safe from the devil’s work. You know that, Grace.}

[A broken sob slips through the apparent blockage in her throat and her hand instinctively claps to her mouth, clawing her lips and cheeks closed so as to not disturb the serene silence that’s settled over the Chasity home. Hot tears of shame roll down her face as she stumbles away from the door, carelessly grasping at the hem of her sweater to tear the offending item from her body and free her airways once more.]

{You’re fine. You’re going to be fine. You just need to repent for what you’ve done and everything will be okay. You’re a good girl.}

[The garment forgotten on the entryway floor, she stumbles through her bedroom door and into the ensuite bathroom, inhaling desperately as her throat continues to tighten. She steadies herself on shaking limbs against the porcelain sink, the crucifix necklace hanging from her neck obscured by the tears pooling in her vision. Grace squeezes her eyes shut, mouthing a prayer, an apology, in spite of her current loss of speech. She knows that The Lord can hear her; He always can. Even when she doesn’t want Him to.]

[Looking up into the mirror, she’s met with a pitiful sight; she’s there, hair unbrushed, standing in nothing but yesterday's jeans and a bathing suit top, with her face red, splotchy, and streaming with tears. Her breath hitches at the dark lipstick smeared across her forehead like a sinner’s Lenten ashes. A cruel reminder of her failure to resist temptation.]

{Pathetic.}

[Frantically, she yanks the sink handle hard to the left. The screech of rushing water fills the room as Grace dunks a washcloth into the stream and begins rapidly scrubbing the evidence of her transgressions from her skin. She whines involuntarily as her forehead turns red and raw against the harsh scour of the cloth but she persists nonetheless. She needs to be cleansed. In this moment, she’s ridding herself not just of the lipstick but of the lust it represents; the lust that has seeped through her skin and permeated her very soul. Made her unclean.]

[Hellfire is licking at her fingertips.]

[Forcefully, she’s brought back to her senses. Her hand recoils from the torrent of water and she drops the washcloth with a hiss, drawing the fist protectively to her chest. The lower half of the mirror has fogged over and steam coils lazily from the faucet as it dispels scalding hot water into the basin below. With a watery, frustrated sigh, she turns off the sink and meets her reflection once more. She wonders if everyone else can see the sin on her face; the imprint of Steph’s lips which stands out so clearly to her despite the dark kiss having long since been washed away.]

{You’re fudged, Grace… No.} 

{You’re fucked.}

[By the time she’s regained the energy to leave the bathroom, 45 minutes have passed since Steph’s departure and Grace’s jaw twinges painfully from her insistent stream of voiceless prayers. Exhausted, she drags her feet back to her bedroom and cautiously pulls on a hoodie after loosening the drawstring neck entirely. With a dull ache spreading through her limbs, Grace wanders down to the kitchen where her parents now clatter about noisily, going about their morning routines.] 

[Hearing his daughter descend the stairs, Mark Chasity greets her cheerily but the smile swiftly drops off his face as he lowers his newspaper to be met with Grace’s distressed expression. She’s made no effort to hide her emotions; she couldn’t even if she wanted to. Controlling her face has never been one of her strong suits.]

“Sunshine?”

[Karen turns at her husband’s concerned tone, moving toward Grace upon sighting her puffy eyes but she halts her motion as the girl steps back in apprehension of her mother’s touch.]

“Oh, Gracie. What’s the matter?”

[Karen asks dotingly. Fresh tears escape Grace’s eyes and she shakes her head, wringing her hands anxiously in front of her while rocking softly on her feet. The elder Chasitys share a knowing look and Karen begins again in a much softer voice.]

“Is today a quiet day?”

[Grace sniffles and nods, wiping at her eyes with one hand as the other moves to grip her side in a self-soothing hug.]

“That’s okay, pumpkin.”

[Her father reassures gently and pats the seat next to him, pulling it out for Grace to sit. Climbing onto the wooden chair, she pulls her knees to her chest in a disrespect that would not have been tolerated were it not for the extenuating circumstances. She tucks her head against herself and stares absently at the kitchen tile, trying to stop her tears.]

[Across the room, Karen does what she always does on days like this, she phones the school and tells them that Grace has come down with the flu, excusing her absence but sparing her dignity. She ditches the breakfast that she had been preparing, setting aside only enough for herself and Mark before retrieving Grace’s favourite peach yogurt from the fridge and plating a bowl for the girl. It was going to be a long day.]

[It carries out as expected, Mark goes to work, albeit only with reassurance from his wife that she has everything under control, and Karen sets into their routine. She runs Grace a bath which the girl remains in for a borderline-concerning amount of time, she turns the music that she plays while cleaning the house down low, she makes Grace small, simple snacks instead of meals, and she keeps her hands to herself unless Grace seeks her out. And she does; after changing into a soft pair of loose pajamas following her bath, the girl seems to swing rapidly between wanting to sit alone in the dark of her bedroom closet which she has transformed into a makeshift blanket nest, and clinging to Karen’s side as if her life depended on it. But throughout it all, Grace remains completely silent, both in-person and online as she had quickly shut off her phone after the first message from Steph came through asking her where she was.]

{She’s never going to talk to you again after this. I hope you liked having friends for one whole day.}

[The following two days are much of the same, Grace sleeps in her parents' bed, Karen calls the school, Grace ignores her phone, and she spends the days rocking on the floor of her closet with her hands over her ears or curled between her parents as they recite the Bible aloud so that she can give her eyes a rest from seeing. Everything is too much, everything hurts, and Grace thinks for a moment that maybe she deserves this.]

{You know how it goes, Gracie. You sinned, you lusted, and after a girl of all people. You’re being punished because The Lord loves you and knows you can be better than this. You have to be.}

//ooc: whoops admin basically just wrote fanfic and hurt their own feelings by making Grace sad. Sorry if this sucks! I haven't written stuff like this before!

Also, in my head, Grace's parents don't know that she's autistic necessarily so they wouldn't have the language to describe that she has gone non-speaking but it's happened in the past and they've learned how to handle it so they just call it a 'quiet day'