#levi ackerman slow burn

[sixpennydame]

North Star ✶ Chapter 11

A Levi Ackerman x oc slow burn

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An opportunity arises, that puts tension between you and Levi.

A/N: I found an amazing, detailed map of Marley on Reddit that has helped me view the geography of Marley and its surrounding locations. If you'd like an idea of where Mursa is, it's in the far SW range of mountains.

“Levi…you’re overthinking it. Let go and trust!”

Mathieu sits in a corner of the training barn and watches as Levi and Demon race around the perimeter. He shifts uncomfortably, attempting to wave his arms, which are still in slings on either side of his chest. 

“Work with Demon, not against him.”

Levi leans in, pulling the right rein just slightly and attempting to give  Demon more control. After finishing a round, he rides toward Mathieu, beads of sweat dotting his forehead despite the cold. He leads Demon to a water trough before getting a drink himself, ignoring the frustrated look on Mathieu’s face.

“You’re still pulling too hard on the reins when you need to make a right turn. I’ve told you to trust Demon to be your sight on your right side.” Mathieu walks toward Demon and attempts to pet him with his bandaged arm. “It’s a partnership, Levi. You can’t be in total control. Give in a little.”

Levi knew this - he’d heard Mathieu yell this at him a hundred times since he’d started training. He knew he needed to trust that Demon knew just the right time to turn, but without his peripheral vision on his right side, he felt too vulnerable. 

Kenny had taught Levi to always be aware of everything going on around him: every sound, smell, and movement could be a possible attack. He’s sure that his keen senses are what kept him alive for much of his life; so of all his injuries, the lack of sight in his eye has been the hardest adjustment to make. Lack of depth perception, difficulty in judging accurate distances and tracking object movement - abilities most people take for granted - were now challenges beyond his control that not even his Ackerman blood could remedy.

He sometimes wondered why he was even attempting this in the first place. 

But then he remembered: it was a challenge. He knew he wasn’t the man he used to be, but riding made him feel alive and caused all his senses to become alert and focused. When everything clicked with him and Demon, it was like being whole again. 

It’s just this damn eye. 

But Levi could adjust - he just needed to focus.

Which meant he needed to think less about you. That was the whole point of moving out of your house anyway.

It wasn’t like you were completely out of his life. You come daily to the stables to brush and ride Astrid, and you’re both amicable to each other, talking about the weather and goings-on in Mursa, as if nothing had happened between the two of you.

But something had happened. Levi couldn’t get it out of his mind.

Did you think about it too?

He checks his watch. A creature of habit, he knew you’d be here at the stables any moment now to check on Astrid and make lunch for them; the latter you’d insisted on doing ever since the accident. Of course, neither of the men would argue with that, although they argued with each other about almost everything else. 

“Ok old man, enough of your badgering,” Levi says, taking Demon’s reins and leading him out of the barn. “I’m working on it.”

”You better work harder. Your first race is only a few months away,” Mathieu yells to Levi’s back.

——- ✶ ——-

You’re learning to live with it, the solemn silence of the mornings without Levi here. That same empty feeling you’d felt in the previous three years, now creeping its way along the floorboards of the house. It’s been a month now since his departure, and looking back on the night he left, and the kiss that had happened hours before, you felt silly for thinking it was anything other than some fantasy. 

Maybe you were meant to be alone, and that was ok. You’d made due before Levi had come into your life and were learning to live with the loneliness. And besides, he was still your friend; that hadn’t changed, thankfully.

But you missed his presence in the house, the conversations shared in the early morning hours when even the sun had not yet risen. It had been mostly you talking, but he was a good listener, someone who looked at you while you were speaking, as if he was weighing every word carefully. On the rare times he did open up, it was like one of those flowers that only blooms every ten years; it felt special and you couldn’t help but listen, enraptured by the stories of his youth and his training for the Survey Corps. You wondered what it must have been like to live the first half of your life underground. And then, to live within the confines of gigantic walls.

When you were young, you often thought of the mountain ranges surrounding Mursa as high, impenetrable walls. You figured most young people felt that way, eager to escape and see more of the world. It was one of the reasons Martin and his younger brother Tomas had joined the military - a bit of freedom and adventure before settling down. But back then, you all knew Tomas would never settle down. He was wild and carefree, an unstoppable force too big for this small town.

Hmmm..

...you hadn’t thought of Tomas in years, not since your return to Mursa after The Rumbling. Although Martin had loved his younger brother with all his heart, they’d never truly gotten along; like two magnets with opposite poles, it was sometimes hard to believe that the two were even related. Tomas had always yearned to travel over the mountains and make his own way in the world, and he had made it clear to everyone that he never planned on returning to Mursa once he left. True to his word, you’ve not heard from him since.

The picture of him and Martin in their Southern Marley military uniforms still stands on the mantle; Martin is smiling, standing proudly in his officer’s uniform, his hand on the shoulder of his brother. Tomas is sitting in a chair, one arm resting on his leg. He’s not smiling, but there’s a fire in his eyes, a look of eagerness. Like so many others around the world, you wonder if he was killed during The Rumbling, or maybe he was living, carefree, in some other part of the world. 

Because he was about the same age as you, everyone had expected you and he to be friends; but throughout the years, Tomas had only ever treated you with indifference, even when you and Martin had married. Although the relationship between the two of you had always been spotty, it would be nice to have family here. Someone who remembers how things used to be, even though those days are long gone.

You walk to your bedroom as your focus changes to the picture of you and Martin on the altar near your bed. Tradition dictates that the altar be taken down after the three years of mourning are over, but in the past month, you just haven’t had the will to put it away. You know Martin has moved on, and you should too, but some things are just hard to let go of.

But there’s a tug at your heart, saying today’s the day.

The silver frame feels heavier than you remember. It had been a wedding gift from Martin’s parents, in a time when silver was a less precious and rare resource. Lilies of the valley had been delicately etched into the surface, with the year of your betrothal engraved at the bottom. You look so young in the photo, even though only a little over 5 years have gone by. You gently wrap the frame in a silk scarf Martin had given you once for your birthday and place it in a small wooden box. 

The other object on the altar is even harder to put away.

In opposition to the frame, the baby booties are soft and feather-light. You remember sitting in the chair in the corner, easily crocheting them in a day, but being so proud of yourself because they’d been the first thing you’d made for the baby. Other things had come after that: a blanket,  a few tiny cardigans and even tinier bonnets. In a fit of grief, you’d burned those things after returning to Mursa three years ago, along with the other things you and Martin had bought for the nursery. It was just too painful to look at.

Looking at the tiny white booties, you regret doing that now.

You place them next to the frame and close the box, then place it in a corner of your closet. In the spring, you’ll bury it next to the large oak tree in the backyard, the one that Martin would always take naps under as a boy, and where you and he would steal kisses behind in your teenage years. Closing your eyes, you can see him now, sleeping under the tree in the heat of midsummer, your child laying on his chest. Peaceful. Content.

The clock chiming for the hour breaks you from your dream. “I need to get to Mathieu’s,” you say to yourself, putting on your warm winter layers before heading out the door and down the road to the stables.

——- ✶ ——-

“Stop pulling on my coat, you silly girl! I need to brush you, and then we’ll go out and stretch your legs.”

Levi smiles when he hears you talking to Astrid. Your voice always goes up just a tad whenever you talk to animals and little kids. With anyone else, he’d think it annoying, but with you, he finds it endearing. The smile on his face is gone by the time he walks past you.

“Astrid’s been a stubborn little shit lately,” he says as he takes the saddle off Demon. “She probably just wants to see you more.”

(He just wants to see you more.)

“I’m already over here for practically half of the morning every day. Maybe you just need to give her more attention.”

”Astrid could care less about me.”

”Awww, did she reject your charms, Levi?” 

Your laugh reverberates through the stable and causes his mouth to turn upward just a bit. He loves this playful side of you. He’d almost think it flirting if he didn’t know that he’d ruined any of those chances. 

He knows he hurt you that night, when he told you the kiss was a mistake. It was written all over your face: the confusion, the rejection. You had smiled, thinking he wouldn’t notice, but you wear your heart on your sleeve.

A heart that Levi isn’t worthy enough to handle. 

Your eyes shine at him as you give him a wink and a smile, before you continue to brush Astrid. 

This is fine. This is enough for him.

”There’s my favorite girl,” Mathieu exclaims, standing at the entrance of the stables before walking towards you. “The best part of the day is when you arrive here. I’m not sure how much longer I could endure Levi’s sullen looks this morning.” Looking over at Levi, he smirks. “But it seems that your arrival has changed his mood too.”

Levi stiffens while a slight blush washes over his cheeks. He doesn’t look at you, but he can feel your eyes on him. 

“Get inside before you freeze, you old geezer,” Levi replies as he unsaddles Demon. “I’m going to exercise a few of the other horses before lunch.”

“I’ll help him out with that,” you add

“Of course you will,” Mathieu says, a teasing lilt in his voice. “I’ll leave you both to it then.”

“You don’t mind if I join you?” you ask, eyes on him again. 

“Do what you like. They’re not my horses,” his voice as apathetic as he can muster, in hopes it won’t reveal that he loves it when you ride with him. 

He’s realized that in the last month, it’s practically impossible for him to push you completely out of his orbit. 

The two of you ride into the training arena, you on Astrid, and Levi on a young mare he’s been working on saddle training. He can feel a curious aura around you, a question right on the tip of your tongue.

At the end of the hour, it finally comes out.

“Levi, what’s the rest of the world like now? After The Rumbling?”

He forgot that you’ve only left Mursa once in the past three years. But why the sudden interest?

“To be honest, most of it’s in chaos right now. Practically the entire continent of Marley was decimated in The Rumbling, and the loss of such a world power has put every other nation at a stand-still. Even now, there are refugee camps everywhere as entire communities try to rebuild.”

Levi’s face darkens.  “And while nations are either rebuilding or fighting for control, Paradis is building its arsenal, just biding its time to see what kind of world is going to come out of all this.” 

“Some of your former comrades are going to Paradis soon as peace emissaries, right?”

“As if that’s going to make any difference, after all this.” He looks away. “Fucking idiots.”

“You didn’t want to go with them?”

“To do what? Kiss Eldian asses and beg them to be nice?” Levi clicks his tongue. “I’m a soldier, not a politician.”

“You still see yourself as a soldier?”

Levi looks up at you. He didn’t even realize he’d said that.

“No, of course not.”

“Then how do you see yourself?”

That’s something he’s asked himself time and time again. Honestly, he doesn’t know who he is anymore. His entire meaning, his purpose, had been in service to and for others, but now they were all gone, including the world he’d fought so hard to save. It was like learning to be a new person.

He’d spent the years following The Rumbling in that pursuit: joining Onyakopon and the others in rebuilding the world, hoping to find that meaning he’d lost. But through it all, this lingering emptiness followed him. His life in Mursa was supposed to be a reset, a chance for him to rediscover himself without the shadow of war and death.

So why did he feel just as lost as ever?

It embarrasses him that he can’t answer you, and so he deflects. “Tch, what’s with all the damn questions today?” 

“Well, before  Annika returns to Mursa this spring, she wrote to me and said that she and some other doctors are working with an organization to help set up a clinic at the Pulsella Refugee Camp.”

”She would do something that idiotic. Does she realize how incredibly dangerous it is there? That part of Marley is still a steaming pile of shit. It’s overrun with bands of warring gangs.”

“You’ve been there?”

“I haven’t, but I’ve been to plenty other camps that were the same. We did what we could, but not even the Marley military - what’s left of it - will touch that place.”

Your brows are knit in contemplation. “So that’s what’s happening beyond these mountains.”

“A lot of turmoil and strife. You’re lucky to live in a place like this.”

“I suppose I am.” You pull on Astrid’s reins, leading her out of the arena. “I should go get lunch ready.”

Something’s shifted in you, but Levi can’t quite put a finger on what that might be. It sends a pang of worry and uneasiness through his mind.

It seems that pushing his feelings down for you is going to be harder than he thought.

——- ✶ ——-

A few days pass before you return to the stables. Levi figured you had other things to do, but it didn’t stop him looking over the horizon every morning, expecting to see your figure walking in the slushy snow. It’s been unseasonably warm the past few weeks; he’d been told to expect snow well into mid-spring, but nothing about the world has been normal since The Rumbling, not even the weather. It’s beyond Levi’s level of understanding, but a scientist had explained to him that it had something to do with the months it took for the millions of steaming titan bodies to decompose, as well as the environments those same titans had destroyed. 

His muscles ache as he breaks up some ice that had accumulated at the entrance of Mathieu’s home, the sound of the shovel scraping against the ground only interrupted when he hears footsteps behind him.

“Warm today. Spring will be here before we know it,” you say.

”Not nearly soon enough. I’ve about had it with snow.” He stops and leans his body on the shovel, relieving some pressure on his leg. “Haven’t seen you in a while.”

“Yeah. I’ve been busy.”

You don’t elaborate, and Levi doesn’t ask what you mean. You’re standing next to him but he feels a great distance between you both, something he hasn’t felt since becoming friends with you. 

But this was the whole point of his moving away. This is what he wanted.

Right?

Your silence continues as you saddle Astrid, choosing to ride outside by yourself instead of with Levi. There’s no questions today. No asking him about his knee or how Mathieu is doing. 

Something is up. And as much as Levi wants to ask you what’s going on, he knows it’s not his place. He shouldn’t pry into your life.

Mathieu, however, has no boundaries, and when you finally all sit down to lunch, he asks, “Is there something wrong, Catherine? You’re quiet today.”

You shift in your chair and wipe your lips with your napkin. “No, nothing’s wrong. But I do have some news.”

At that, both men lean forward. “Annika has asked me to help her pack up her things before her move back to Mursa this spring.” You pause, sitting up straighter. “She also invited me to accompany her to her last assignment with her hospital: to set up and build a clinic at the Pulsella Refugee Camp in the Eastern Marley Territories. You stand up and take the plates from the table. “I’ll be gone for a month or two.”

“Why?” Levi’s voice is cold and direct.

”What do you mean, why? I want to help Annika.”

”With moving, ok yes, I get that. But going to Pulsella? I told you it’s a lawless wasteland there. What can you do?”

”I guess…I just want to try and make a difference, in whatever way I can. Annika said they could use volunteers to make food, distribute aid kits, and build more permanent shelters. I think I can help.”

”How? By getting yourself killed? Some help that’ll be..”

”Levi…” Mathieu says, putting a hand on his arm.

You turn your back to both of the men, walking to the kitchen with the plates. “I knew it. I knew you wouldn’t understand. I didn’t even want to tell you.”

Levi is quick to follow you. “I don’t think you understand. That place is beyond dangerous, Catherine. The people are desperate there.

”All the more reason why people who care should go help those who have nowhere else to go.” You start roughly washing the dishes. “I’m tired of just living here while others are suffering. It doesn’t feel right.”

There’s an intense silence as you roughly rinse the plates. Levi knows he should say something, tell you that he’s worried and he just doesn’t want anything to happen to you. But to say all that would be to admit that he still cares for you deeply. 

The whole problem would be solved if he just went with you, but he knows he can’t. He promised he’d stay and help Mathieu, and the old man had already put time and money into training him for this damn race. He can’t back down from his commitment.

And he knows the kind of hard work in store there; hard labor that his body can no longer accomplish. Even if he managed to go along and there was an altercation, he’s not sure he could fully protect you in a fight. Feelings of uselessness bubble up inside him.

He opens his mouth to speak, but you suddenly put down a plate and face him, cutting off his train of thought.

”And frankly, Levi, I don’t understand you. First, you told me I was strong and to rely on my friends. Now I’m trying to use my strength and be useful, but you’re against it. The way you talk to me makes me feel like you see me as some helpless, frail woman, when I’m anything but. Or maybe I am, I don’t know.”

You bite your bottom lip. Levi’s noticed that you get emotional when you’re angry. You’re probably trying to hold back tears, in an effort to look strong in front of him.

”I don’t really know who I am. But I’ve done hard things before and I can do it again.”

”Yeah, but this time I won’t be there to save you.”

He didn’t want to have to spell it out for you to make you understand.

But his words don’t have the effect he was expecting. Levi sees your body tense as you furrow your brow. 

“I’m thankful for what you did for me on Mount Aspe, I really am. But don’t hold it over me like some kind of trump card anytime you want to boss me around. I didn’t ask you to save me then and I’m certainly not asking for your opinion now.”

“You’re not listening, Catherine.” He could feel his patience wearing thin.

“Oh, I hear you loud and clear, Levi. You think I need a man to look after me. Well, if it makes you feel better, I’m sure there’ll be lots of young, strong men there that will be more than happy to assist me with whatever I need.” Your voice drips with resentment. 

So that’s how you see him, as some weak, old piece of shit. You probably judge him for escaping the outside world and coming here. His fists clench and he feels defensive for the first time in ages.

“Oh yeah? I didn’t know you were that lonely and desperate for a man that you’d do something this stupid.” 

Shit.

He went too far. He knew it instantly when he saw the look of hurt on your face, tears forming in the corners of your eyes before you blink them away. Your jaw tenses, and something changes in the way you look at him.

”Fuck you, Levi.”

It’s not the first time those three words have been directed toward him, but hearing them come from your mouth, it makes him visibly wince.

You bolt out of the kitchen and head straight for the door.

“I leave in two days, so I need to get packing. Mathieu, Luka will come by with my stable rent payments and to ride Astrid.”

The door slams and then there’s silence. Levi can feel Mathieu scowling at him. 

“What?”

Mathieu rises from his seat and shakes his head. “You can be a real asshole sometimes, you know that?”

——- ✶ ——-

“Asshole,” you mutter under your breath as you trudge through the snow. 

You had a feeling  Levi would react negatively when you told him your plans; it’s why you hesitated saying anything until the last minute. You knew he’d doubt your strength and question the reasoning behind your motives.

But calling you lonely and desperate…that went over the line. It was a deliberate jab.

And it infuriates you even more to admit that he’s right, to some extent. You are lonely. You do want to feel the touch of a man again, to feel wanted and desired.

But that’s not why you’re going to Pulsella. He knows that. He’s just miserable about life and wants everyone else to feel that way. You wonder now what you ever liked about him in the first place.

You’re glad he moved out. The less you see of him the better.

You slam the door and stomp through the living room, startling Max and Albert. 

“Whoa. Everything ok?” Max asks.

”It’s fine,” you reply sharply. “Max, can you take me to the train station in two days?”

”Sure…I just figured Levi would take you..” he answers, each word coming out in hesitance.

”Why would you think that? He doesn’t live here anymore.”

Max scratches his head nervously. “I don’t know..I guess I thought the two of you were…“ you send him a questioning look, “...good friends.”

“Humph,” you scoff, “that man doesn’t want to have any friends.”

Needing to clear your head, you head straight to the kitchen. “I’m gonna bake something.”

But as your hands knead through the dough, you feel the embers of your temper fading. Placing the two loaves of quick bread in the oven, your mind feels even clearer. What Levi had said was hurtful, but maybe you’d been hard on him too. You’d assumed he didn’t trust in you, when maybe he was just worried about you. 

He’d told you he cared for you once. Perhaps that was just his really bad way of showing that. 

You expect him to walk through the door that night, admit his feelings, and apologize for being an ass. It wouldn’t be the first time he’s had to do that.

But he doesn’t come that evening, or the evening after. Your last night at home, you stop looking for him.

Perhaps it’s time you stopped expecting things from Levi that will never be.

——- ✶ ——-

Max stops the wagon in front of the train station. “You be careful out there, Catherine. I promise I’ll keep the guys in line.”

“I’m more worried about who’s gonna keep you in line.” You give Max a quick hug. “I’ll see you in a couple of months. Don’t burn the house down.”

You buy your ticket and walk to the platform, but before you can make it to the train you stop.

Levi stands there, hands in pockets, leaning against a pillar. 

“What are you doing here?” you ask, knowing you can’t just ignore him.

“I had to come into town anyway to run errands for the old man.” His foot kicks a clump of dirt away from your luggage. “I figured I might as well see you off.” He reaches down to grab the handle. “Let me get that.”

Your hand quickly pulls it away. “I can carry it just fine, thanks.”

Levi walks with you silently until you reach the entrance of your train car. You’re not sure which is worse: his awkward silence or his crude remarks. Not wanting to experience either anymore, you decide to end…whatever this is that’s happening.

“Well, I’ll see you in two months. Take care.”

“Wait.”

Levi pulls out a slender knife from his pocket and places it in your hand. “For protection.”

You look down at the wooden handle. “A knife? I don’t need this.”

“It’s a switchblade, and you do need it.” He moves closer to you and puts his hand on yours, guiding your finger to a metal knob on the wooden handle. “This is the safety. You slide this to lock and unlock the knife.”

He then guides you to another button. “Just press this button and the blade pops out.” It opens with a click. “Press down this tab to slide it back into the handle.”

You haven’t felt Levi’s touch since that New Year’s morning and it makes your heart race. His hand lingers on yours, encouraging your fingers to curl around the now warm handle. 

“Just take it. Please.”

Although his lips don’t say, “I’m sorry,” you know him well enough to know that this is his way of apologizing, and to show that he trusts you.

You pull your hand away from his and put it in your pocket, your way of saying that you accept his apology.

“If you’re being attacked, don’t hesitate for a moment to use it. Seconds count in those kinds of situations.”

“I’ll be careful.” You want to say more, but the conductor is yelling for all to board, and passengers begin to push by.

“Just come back safe.” Levi moves away from you slowly. “And bring back that knife. I’ve had it a long time.”

You smile, then board the train. As you find your seat and look out the window, you notice that Levi stays on the platform until the train slowly accelerates out of the station.

——- ✶ ——-

The three day train ride reminded you how big Marley was, and it was hard to believe most of it had been decimated. Trains would only take you so far, however, and Annika said she and her friend would pick you up at the final train station and drive you the rest of the way to Pulsella.

True to her word, Annika stands next to an automobile with a tall man. 

He shakes your hand and gives you a warm smile. 

“So nice to finally meet you, Catherine. I've heard so much about you.”

“I’m Onyankopon.”

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[the-traveling-poet]

𝒞𝒽𝒶𝓅𝓉𝑒𝓇 𝟧 ~ 𝒯𝒽𝑒 𝐹𝒶𝓁𝓁 𝑜𝒻 𝒶 𝒞𝒾𝓉𝓎

𝒮𝓊𝓂𝓂𝒶𝓇𝓎: A long day of bestowing grievous news upon many an unfortunate soul follows Captain Aveline across the boarders of Trost District, though she carries the burdening task not alone. Meeting up with the rest of her squad, their grueling task takes them through the towns within Wall Rose and beyond, eventually coming to the beautiful District of Shiganshina. What looked like the end of their duties for the day, was only a shattered hope for a promise of brief rest as the outermost wall comes crumbling down in waves of stone.

𝒞𝑜𝓃𝓉𝑒𝓃𝓉: Friendly banter, Angst, Descriptions of death, Descriptions of injuries

𝐸𝓃𝒿𝑜𝓎~

More Chapters

Ten stops towards the east, fifteen stops towards the south....yet so many more remained uncharted on her list.

Already Aveline had filled numerous pages in her log book for the people who wanted their loved one's possessions returned; howsoever they chose. Yet it seemed never ending.

Dione trotted along behind her, his posture lax as his half lidded eyes peering up at the sky with a frown. While he tumbled into his own thoughts, Aveline had begun her search down street ways for any sign of Baxten with Norbert and Lyra. It didn't take her to long, either, as soon she saw the familiar tuft of silver blond hair riding atop a chestnut mare heading up the hill their way.

Aveline brought her horse to a stop, keeping her weary gaze locked on the trio heading their way.

"Ready to enter Maria?"

She mumbled, once they were all close enough to hear. The squad all exchanged tired glances, before hesitantly nodding.

"I need a break from the grief...We've been out all day; the damned sun outta set soon."

Norbert grumbled, but his tone lacked its usual stubborn air.

"It's only Six O'clock,"

Baxten sighed, squinting up at the bright skies above.

"Maybe seven..."

"Baxten's right, it's somewhere between those times. We should push on till we pass through the last two towns left in Maria and make it down to Shiganshina."

Aveline spoke up, interrupting Norbert's sigh.

"We'll find an inn for the night there, then head back to Trost in the morning."

"Then it's all over again, just with wagons of corpses and bags, and more grieving civilians,"

Lyra commented dryly as she brought her horse over to Dion's side.

"Think of it this way, Lyra; to some, this helps them cope with the grief they feel; gives them something physical to focus on."

Dione commented as they both once more brought their horses to a walk, going slightly ahead of the others. For a brief time, Aveline just watched on with pride as Dione's words started to fade in the breeze as they grew further apart down the road. Even at the growing distance, she could see how Dione's echoed words calmed Lara's posture in her saddle.

"Kid's maturing. Never thought that'd happen," Norbert commented dryly as he picked up his reins and begun to move after them, scratching subconsciously at the uneven stubble on his chin.

With his comment Aveline did the same by picking up her reins, staying just behind Norbert and Baxten as they followed down the street.

"Seems he took my words to heart. He's a good kid; he'll be alright," Aveline mused with a knowing smile tugging at the corner of her thin lips, watching as Lyra rode just a tad closer to Dione after their talk just up ahead.

The city of Shiganshina gleamed pleasantly against the evening sun, with its citizens milling about the streets either coming home from work or tending to their rambunctious children playing out on the streets.

Occasionally a covered carriage led by horses clipped down the streets at the hand of a coachman set behind the steeds pulling the craft, with the passenger's windows propped open to the slight warm breeze blowing down the way.

Aveline brought her horse to a stop once more on an incline in the road, carful to shift her weight off the horse's withers as she slid forward as she observed their peaceful surroundings. With a sigh, she turned to look over her shoulder towards her squad, trying her best to put on a smile, though wry it reminds despite her best efforts.

"Dion, Lyra, you both did pretty well earlier; you can solo this time if you'd like. I'll take Baxten and head west, as I personally know a few families in the area who are on our list, and as such I feel it appropriate I be the one to break the news to them. You two can head south and work your way back up since the inns I had in mind are closer to the gate anyways. And Norbert, you can head east. Sound fair?"

Dion's eyes lit up; the first time they'd shone with genuine, positive interest today. With an affirmative nod from the boy, he quickly nudged his horse closer towards Lyra.

"Don't worry Cap', I'll make sure to keep her in line."

With a roll of her eyes, Lyra led her horse to the side to walk past them all and head out towards the south.

"Yes ma'am, Captain."

She spoke softly, giving a small smile over her shoulder. With a smile of her own, Aveline tossed the dark brunette girl her own log book and pen, which the younger girl caught easily.

Dion was quick to follow after Lyra after a sloppy wave and a grin over his shoulder towards his Captain.

With a sigh Norbert gave a salute and faced himself and his horse towards the east.

"Don't suppose we'll be back at the inn for dinner?"

He asked hopefully, shooting a sheepish look between Baxten and Aveline over his shoulder.

With a slight chuckle Aveline nodded.

"That's the plan, if we all stick to our routs."

With this confirmation Norbert relaxed in his saddle, seeming content as he made his way down an adjacent street towards the west border of the Shiganshina wall. After his departure, Baxten let out a tired sigh.

"Do you think we should have given him a log book?"

Aveline paused, absorbing her friend's words before coming to an understanding.

"I gave mine to Lyra. If you had, we'd be out of a book."

Aveline pointed out, a half smile forming across her lips.

Baxten hummed in thought, before finally agreeing with a nonchalant shrug of his shoulders.

"Guess he'll just have to remember."

"He has his own log book, doesn't he?"

Aveline asked as they began their decent down the slanted path. Again, Baxten just hummed in responce as he kept his eyes on the horizon off to his right. Or, what of it they could see over the walls.

"He should, yes. Or at least, he would, If I hadn't forgotten mine in the barracks this morning and borrowed his earlier."

The man mused as he pulled the book out of his jacket and flipped through the pages in dramatic fashion.

" 'Property of Norbert Digs; R.O.S.E. Retrieval Log Book'...Huh. Well, shit. Wonder how long it'll take till he realizes..."

Aveline shook her head in exasperation as she nudged her horse forward. Catching up with her a moment later, Baxten sighed before continuing on to himself.

"Poor bastard won't realize for another ten minutes, at most."

Rolling her eyes with a quiet scoff, Aveline reached over and snatched the borrowed log book from his hands.

"You're going to cause me an aneurism one of these days."

"You've had plenty of years of knowing me to have had one already. Either prove your claim already or hush,"

Baxten grumbled, holding his hands up in mock surrender as the book was slipped from his hand.

Shrugging off his comment as per usual, Aveline pushed forward and lead the way down a narrow side street.

"You'll have to wait a while longer for that, I'm afraid. Now hurry up or be left alone in Shiganshina."

Offering no protest, Baxten followed after her in silence.

And silent their journey remained, as the sky overhead turned from shades of brilliant blue to fading greens and yellows and the sun began its decent behind the wall. Despite the sun beginning its decent, children still remained outdoors just beyond their homes, playing games popularly enjoyed by those of their youth and racing about in competition.

Parents and guardians watched on with jovial laughter; some even joining in on their games.

Yet others still only watched on from sidewalks; sipping beverages, reading papers, or merely strolling by hand in hand as the evening breeze swept through their hair and ruffled their coats.

Aveline hadn't seen such peace in what felt as though an age, though she supposed it had been merely a handful of days since she last walked the streets of a nearby city to muse the sights each and every town beheld.

It was refreshing, bringing a calm to her mind. On the off chance of an upcoming expedition, her mind would always become so scattered and so focused on the job she knew she would soon be appointed, leaving her deprived of a positive outlook for several weeks pre and post operation.

However, viewing humanity in a healthy, peaceful setting...it was a nice change of pace.

But all too soon those pleasant sights were hidden from view as the pair then turned down a separate road; one void of persistent activity.

The road before them was scarce of any civilians; most likely many were gathered in the busiest part of town to enjoy the remainder of the day.

Taking this chance to slide down from her horse free of any obstacle, Aveline removed her feet from the stirrups and landed in step with her mare and grasped the reins loosely in her right hand.

"You said you knew some families here?"

Baxten finally broke the comfortable silence that had long since fallen over them, once he had pulled the reins over his horse's head to hold onto to join his Captain on foot along the cobblestone below.

"Yeah, they used to know my family before they moved down here some years ago. I'm not entirely close with them, but I figured a familiar face might console them after the news we have to deliver."

Aveline spoke over her shoulder as she walked on up ahead, pushing aside her wind tangled hair to look up and see him properly.

"We were neighbors, for a time. I grew up with their son; the one we're here to speak with them about. It's been years since I've seen any of their family, but...It just felt right; me being the one to visit them after their loss. They should be a block up the road from here, if I remember correctly..."

While looking behind her to meet Baxten's eye as she spoke, Aveline failed to notice her horse coming to an abrupt stop, just before a sudden force slammed into her hip.

This might have knocked her over, if she hadn't stumbled back into Baxten's chest, who had been walking a hair too close to her back at the wrong time.

"Son of a!- Oh, uhm...hello...?"

Looking down, Aveline saw a young boy glaring up at her as he rubbed at his brow; obviously he what must have been what had rushed into her.

His bright eyes darted about her features before coming to rest on the Garrison crest adorning her jacket, at which point he seemed to pout his bottom lip.

"Sorry, ma'am," He mumbled, refusing to meet her eye again with a stubborn scowl.

As she assessed the boy for any sign of distress, Aveline took note of his furrowed brows and clenched jaw, as well as the way his stormy eyes were widened with an emotion she couldn't quite place.

"Are you alright?" She asked slowly, as she studied him.

"Fine," The boy only mumbled with eyes trained on the uneven cobblestones lining the road between their feet.

Standing back up straight, Aveline hummed in acknowledgement. Before she could turn to Baxten with a raised brow, a young girl suddenly rounded the corner up ahead and made a beeline straight for the kid. Yet the boy didn't flinch; only huffed through his nose.

"Eren!-" The girl panted in exasperation, but quickly straightened her posture when she noticed the two Garrison soldiers standing not even a yard away. Her steely grey eyes took on a more stolen gleam, as though she were closely studying the adults in front of her from the loose strands of onyx hair parting around her face.

"Well, 'Eren'...Be carful out here and enjoy your day," Aveline managed to compose her earlier hesitance and shoot the boy a quick smile.

With a grumble she couldn't quite catch, Eren looked up at the both of them with a more neutral expression.

"Thank you."

With a nod Aveline watched the pair dart off down another ally way, leaving the road before them silent once more. Though, not before catching a curious look shot her way from the young girl over her shoulder, before she rounded yet another corner down the alley way, chasing after the boy.

"My god Ave, you're terrible with children. You looked like you were constipated the whole interaction,"

Baxten chuckled once the kids were both out of sight.

"Shut it, Bax." She grumbled, picking up her steps again as she marched up the hilly road.

"That poor boy looked...I dunno. I was just caught off guard."

"He looked pissed, to me. Maybe concerned cause that girl was after him," Baxten caught up with her easily, in only a couple quick strides, then resumed his slower pace off to her left.

"Who knows? He was eyeing my Garrison crest with distain; could be he was wary of us from some bad experiences in his past," Aveline sighed, picking her gaze back up from the ground.

"You like to over analyze every situation placed before you, don't you?" Baxten asked, more rhetorically than he was actually serious. Of course he knew the answer already.

"That a bad thing? It's saved my life more than once. And yours too, if I recall. More times than my own." 

Baxten only sighed, a hand on his brow in exasperation. Of course, she was right. But he had yet to ever admit it.

"Never said it was, Ave. Just being observant," the blonde shrugged, urging his horse forward to walk at her side.

Aveline only hummed in acknowledgment as she scanned the houses lining the left side of the street over Baxten's shoulder.

"Twenty four, twenty five...I believe the Weber's house is thirty first houses up the hill on the left, if I remember correctly," she mused with her free hand perched on her hip.

And indeed, at the thirty first house was Aveline's first destination in Shiganshina for the evening. She quick ascended a brick stairway towards the front door, leaving Baxten both sets of reins so she could move freely. Ignoring his grumbling as he took to tying the horses to a nearby tree, Aveline slowly made her way up the narrow walkway and reached the door set sturdily before her. Exhaling deeply, she slowly brought up a raised fist to the door and give a few echoing knocks. She didn't have to wait long to hear the shuffled footsteps making their way towards her from the other side of the wood.

A woman in her mid fourties' opened the door on creaking hinges, her eyes softening immediately upon landing on the young woman before her.

"Miss Faye, my, how the years have gone by," Mrs. Weber smiled, widening the lines scrunched along the width of her full lips.

Aveline offered a kind smile in return, with a quick salute to follow.

"Mrs. Weber, it's been years. I'm sorry to come here on such matters."

Mrs. Weber peered over the brunette's shoulder and spotted Baxten, who had stayed a respectable distance away, and her smile started to falter.

"I haven't done a thing wrong, have I? Oh...this about Ben, is it? They already informed me of my son's demise."

Mrs. Weber trailed off, her voice growing fainter after each word.

"It is...We located some possessions of his out on the field, and his intact remains. It's our duty to inform you of this, and offer you what we have that was once his," Aveline sighed, letting her eyes fall to the steps she stood on.

Mrs. Weber's trembling hands gripped tightly onto the wood of her doorframe as a shuddered breath drew between clenched teeth.

"My poor Ben...I-You found his things out there?" She whispered, barely even looking up from the cobblestone path leading up to her front door. Though, it didn't seem she even really saw that much, with how glazed her gaze had become.

"That's correct, ma'am. I'm very sorry, but we came to hear what your wishes for your son might be." Baxten spoke up, having since stepped forward to stand at his Captain's side.

Reassured by his support, Aveline finally looked back up to meet the faraway gaze of her old family friend.

"I'm very sorry for your loss, Mrs. Anna. Seems only last year Ben and I were neighbors, back in Wall Rose." She offered softly.

After a long pause in which Anna composed her breathing and managed to meet Aveline's murky green eyes, Anna spoke up in a trembling tone of voice.

"Let me speak with William for a moment," she rasped out, already turning to face the interior of her home befit she had even finished speaking. Aveline and Baxten took a respectful step back, ready to wait as long as it took for Anna Weber's return.

While unintentionally listening in to the quiet, quivering voices inside the home, Baxten laid a supportive hand onto Aveline's shoulder; and for once, the Captain didn't brush off the unexpected physical contact.

A handful of seconds passed where only silence met their ears, before Anna returned to the door with her husband, William, right at her arm.

"We'd like to bury him if possible, please. And keep his possessions found," William stated softly, his gruffer voice not carrying any further than the doorway the four of them stood at. Despite the grief now perhaps permanently etched onto their weathered faces, they looked just the same as they had all those years ago in Aveline's eyes; only adding to the crushing guilt she felt on their son's behalf.

Aveline slowly nodded, signaling for Baxten to write down this information as she once more went to salute before departing.

"We'll be sure to come back by in a week's notice. I'm very sorry we had to meet again under these circumstances, Mr. and Mrs. Weber."

"My dear, don't apologize for doing your job. You're giving us one last chance to put our grief at ease, and I'm glad it was you. We've missed you, my dear; you and your family." Mrs. Weber gave a watery smile, reaching out her arms with a slight tremble as she stepped towards Aveline.

Just as Aveline had hesitantly lifted her arms from her sides to return the older woman's embrace, the very air around her seemed to suddenly ignite with an energy she'd never felt before.

She paused, looking around curiously. Was she this upset on duty? Given the circumstances, she supposed that was understandable. But given her title, she couldn't allow herself to fall into grief in such a time.

But her doubts all came shattering down around her when Baxten tensed as well, suddenly becoming much more alert than he previously had been.

"What was that?" He murmured, looking back and forth between Aveline and then up towards the sky, as if it might hold some answer.

"What was what, dear?" Mrs. Weber asked, already in the arms of her husband who now held her closely. For a moment, even their grief was held aside as the ground beginning to quake stole their focus away.

The sky dimmed of its fading yellow hue, becoming more of a sickly green in color as the air grew thick and hazy. Shingles on rooftops began to click and clack, echoing together with the slamming of nearby shutters knocking into brick walls. Dust arose in the streets, twirling this way and that to form miniature tornadoes along the dusty streets.

Aveline hadn't had time to do anything more than open her mouth to shout for the Weber's to return inside their home, a shout that died on her tongue, when a sudden bolt of neon light touched down in the distance; right at the base of Shiganshina's outer wall not even a mile away.

The electricity lit up the town like a second sun, nearly blinding those who chanced to look towards the southern wall and up into the sky.

Following the ear shattering crack that echoed over the town, came a noise much louder and much, much more terrifying.

The distant shriek of tearing metal and crumbling stone reverberated across the land, making any sound Aveline might have made in a panic die in her throat.

There was nothing any of them could do but watch on in abject horror as what appeared to be the fall of Shinganshina's southernmost wall.

Chunks of pale stone fell in boulders, first flying straight up into the air, only to then inevitably come hurdling down in jagged heaps into the streets below and into the homes of many. Echoed cries of fear sounded all around the city, as all in Shiganshina paused to behold this horror story fashion spectacle lighting up the sky above the walls.

Anna's startled cry broke Aveline of her haze, as she then shot forward to grasp her shoulder.

"If that wall's down, we need to begin evacuation. Even if this might only be minor, we can't take any precautions."

Anna's wide eyes shot up to her husband's; whose grip tightened around her middle.

"Lead the way, Captain," He replied gruffly, trying desperately to hide the panic in his dull colored eyes from his wife.

Baxten had already shot off after their horses, panicked as they understandably were, and grasped their reins tightly. In the time it took Aveline to merely remove her grip from around the woman's shoulder, the blond man had already gathered the horses at the edge of the road at the ready.

He reached out his hand for Anna, whom William had ushered forward before himself.

"I'll help you on ma'am, just hold on tight-"

But the words were quickly muffled out against another round of deep rumbling booms. Just behind him, a boulder the size of a home demolished the road; blocking any escape back down into the heart of town the way the Garrison soldiers had arrived.

Aveline's jaw clenched as Baxten barely managed to leap out of the way in time, but the same couldn't be said for his horse, who now lay mostly crushed with a broken neck. Her own horse had used the now lax grip Baxten held over her reins to bolt, soon disappearing around the bend in the road up ahead. 

"Fuck..." Aveline hissed, trying desperately to find a new way to get the elderly couple safe and into Wall Rose in time to aid her comrades in herding the rest of humanity in Shiganshina past the Wall Gate.

She didn't have to wonder long, as a wavering shadow clouded out most of the already fading light around the Webber's house. Baxten's muffled scream hardly reached her ears, but already she was moving on instinct.

Taking a running leap off the pathway's brick steps, Aveline tucked out of the way just as a heavy force knocked into the side of her leg that sent her sprawling. Just as a crunch followed her landing, she briefly caught the sound of a strangled cry sounding from behind her, before another loud boom drowned it out.

With ringing ears Aveline stood on shaking legs, immediately searching out Anna and William. But what met her eyes nearly had her collapsing back onto the shattered road.

Nothing more remained of the Webber's home, nor of its occupants; the only clue to their fate being a spreading dark pool of blood forming under the jagged cracks of stone at the threshold of the splintering structure.  The rest of the home was soon to follow, collapsing in a deafening heap all across the street in shards of wood and stone.

The breath was stolen from Aveline's lungs when two strong hands gripped her shoulders and hoisted her up into a more secure position against the chest of the man always by her side. And this time, she heard him clearly.

"We have to move! Focus, Ave!"

Raising a shaking hand to her brow, Aveline only nodded her understanding as Baxten then started to drag her away from the bloody scene still burnt into the back of her eyes.

Her mind was numb, devoid of any thought aside from why? and how? How could this have happened? What was going on outside the walls?

Once more Baxten shook her from her numb spiral; this time by coming to an abrupt halt only halfway up the side of the road that was clear that jarred her steps.

Aveline, finally coming back to her senses fully, snapped her gaze up to his face; only to see he was staring in wide eyed horror at something behind them in the distance.

Quickly following the line of his gaze, every rational thought she'd just gained back the ability to have was wiped away.

Atop the southernmost wall of Shiganshina sat a hand; spindly in shape and deep scarlet in color. Steam arose from its uneven skin, thick and curling, before finally a head peered up over the stone. Eyes they could see from such a distance....they were void of emotion, staring down at the humans below it as they screamed in both horror and agony as their home was now crushed underfoot.

On halted breath Aveline took in the sight with wide eyes.

Shiganshina had begun its decent into defeat...Humanity had lost to the titans.

{ Word Count ~4,266 }

𝒜/𝒩: And we’re back on track! Another Saturday, another Rose chapter :3 I was really excited about this chapter since we’re finally getting into some action, and chapter 6 next week will be a continuation of said action. I know we’re moving along a little slow but bear with me; I’m having fun lol. We’ll get to Levi by chapter 8. I promise, it’s worth the wait. Just follow along and you’ll see :)

I’d almost given up on writing The Rose due to feeling like no one was/is reading this fic, and afterwards receiving some anon hate for there being “nothing interesting, aka smut/porn�� in this fic. But I’m happy to announce that a few of my most treasured moots convinced me to keep writing what I love, if for no one else to read than for my own joy! Love y’all, thank you so much to those of you who stayed around for reading along and stayed patient for the eventual romance/interesting character growth <3

𝒯𝒶𝑔𝓁𝒾𝓈𝓉: @21aurora @deepzombieyouth @braunsbabe @pelicanpizza @humanitys-strongest-brat @raginginferno267 @ackermanswifee @sellowbabe If you'd like to be added to the taglist for my usual Levi content, just DM me! :3

[levisrations]

Post War Levi thought: first time you both share a bed since living together.

One night you wake up from a nightmare, you wake up screaming. You get it together and lay back down to calm down as to not bother Levi in the other room. Some time passes and you think you’re in the clear but you hear his footsteps and his cane. He enters your room and asks if you’re alright. You explain you’re fine it was just a nightmare and as you were about to apologize for waking him he goes to sit in the chair next to your bed. You tell him it’s ok and to go back to bed but he insists on keeping you company. Truth be told he wants your company as well.

Some time passes and you feel guilty so you offer him to lay in your bed with you. He hesitates since he doesn’t want to make you uncomfortable but you insist. So he lays next to you, you grab an extra pillow so he can prop his knee. You both lay down, you’re facing him while he lays on his back but his face is towards you. And it’s almost like you both decided silently then and there this is how you’ll sleep from now on. Maybe you’ll both sleep better. And what a surprise since sharing a bed the both of you have had better sleep since moving in. Less nightmares, not waking up every hour. Levis mood has certainly improved considering how sleep deprived he’s been for so long.

At this point all theres left is to have the conversation on what the nature of your relationship is. But saying those words out loud for some reason seems scarier than going against a titan and you’re both aware how ridiculous that is. One day one of you will say it. Or show it with a gesture. Hand holding, a kiss. Who knows. Right now you’re both content with how things are.

[psaikey]

Thoughts on “Death’s Door”

⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎

"Death's Door"; Levi Ackerman/ Reader fanfiction on Ao3 by SongsOfApollo

⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎

This is probably one of the most widely read Levi Ackerman/ Reader fanfictions, and after reading it, it certainly raised my standards. It begins by describing the life of a young doctor who then is forced to join the Scout Regiment as a military doctor. The attention to detail in terms of medical terminology, methods and general practice is incredible and so easy to follow.

The writing style is very refreshing and creative, able to convey the emotion behind the words. As for the pacing, this is a slow burn fanfiction, but it has the perfect balance. The parts without romantic interactions are far from boring, dare I say the best part of the story, and make the romance all the more exciting. The side story is seriously so interesting. The relationships built up in the meantime only add to the strong feelings and heighten the tragedies to come. The author has done this so well that I was literally rooting for Eld. Warning: you will cry.

Because of the new characters she introduces: I was in awe of all the character developments and their strong relationships. The new characters are not just supporting characters in the story, but have deep connections with the protagonist, which makes the later events feel all the more devastating. The atmosphere of the world very well portrayed that of Attack On Titan, with some heart-warming moments of peace sprinkled in.

Levi is soo well written and in character, as if you dropped in the AoT universe. The relationship between them is so mature and realistic that it will make you squirm. The protagonist is also very mature, driven and independent. Their romance builds slowly and will leave you wanting more.

The author is so incredibly talented, writing a book better than most conventionally published works!

In short, I'm in LOVE with this fanfiction, it has a sense of familiarity and tugs at your heartstrings. I really can’t wait for more to come!

[cielettosa]

SEED OF DISCONTENT

Chapter 1: a burden unchosen

PAIRING: levi ackerman x fem!reader

RATING: explicit

FANDOM: shingeki no kyojin/attack on titan (canon verse, canon divergent)

SYNOPSIS:

The Ackerman clan needs to be expanded, and you are chosen to carry his child.

cw of the chapter: none

navigation

previous chapter - next chapter

Heavy air, thick enough to chew on. It sits on Levi lungs like a stale loaf of Dhalis' smug superiority.

Tick tock, tick tock. Clock mocks them all, counting down the precious minutes wasted in this shitty staring contest.

Polished table, a mirror reflecting the distorted faces of these pompous windbags. Zachary, the "General," a walking monument to paperwork erosion. His beard – a tragic map of battles fought with red tape, not Titans. His eyes, like a bloodhound sniffing out dissent, but too slow to catch the real monsters in this room.

Erwin Smith. The almighty, the strategic genius, the commander of the Survey Corps.

He sits there puffed up like a pigeon on a flagpole. Levi can practically hear his ribs creaking under the weight of his own titan sized ambitions and eyebrows. All bluster and dreams, that one.

He does not understand the grime under your fingernails, the blood that seeps into your soul after every mission. He talks about the "greater good," about humanity's "salvation."

Levi's fingers itch for the familiar weight of his blades. They would feel more comfortable here than this damn chair.

Erwin's icy blue eyes are probably doing calculus right now, strategizing the most soul crushing paperwork avalanche to unleash on Levi after this bureaucratic circus. Wonderful.

Just what Levi needs – another mountain of paper stacks to wade through, each one a monument to the utter cluelessness of these so called leaders.

Nile Dawk, perpetually looking like an offended toddler – ever the picture of simmering discontent. Tapping a rhythm on the table like a bored child, scowl permanently etched on his face. Military Police Brigade must be a real snooze fest if this qualifies as entertainment for him.

Dot Pixis. The Garrison commander with a smile sweeter than rotten fruit. Just the kind of saccharine charm that could probably disarm an abnormal Titan with a sugar high.

All sunshine and lollipops, that one. Probably thinks the biggest danger he faces is a paper cut.

And then there is Humanity's Strongest Soldier. Levi Ackerman. Years spent dodging death by Titan and defying gravity have turned his posture into a weapon itself.

His eyes, a stormy gray reflecting horrors most would not dare dream of, are a mask. A stoic facade forged in the fires of countless battles. Iron will, they call it. Yeah, well, sometimes even iron feels like it is about to snap under the weight of this never ending hell.

The air hangs thick, its intellectual density barely surpassing a sluggish potato. Dhalis slurs out his opening remarks, the weight of his words attempting, and failing, to mimic a momentous thunderclap.

"Esteemed Commanders and Captain," he declares, "we convene today on a matter of utmost importance." A dramatic pause follows, his pronouncement lingering in the air like an unwelcome houseguest. "The Ackerman bloodline."

The General utters the words with the gravitas one might reserve for announcing the cure for Titanism, a cure that would undoubtedly be more newsworthy than this current charade.

Here, in this room choked by the stench of bureaucratic ineptitude, the only true concern should be the ever present threat of humanity becoming Titan chum.

A tremor of unease ripples through the assembled commanders, a collective shiver down the spine of the room. Erwin, ever the opportunist, leans forward, transforming into the very image of rapt attention.

Nile, on the other hand, can not contain a scoff, a harsh sound that would likely send chills down the ever nervous Armin Arlert's spine.

His voice, dripping with disdain like a neglected mop, barks out, "The attack dogs utilized for combat by the Survey Corps and kept under their control - what bearing, if any, does this topic have on the current discourse?"

Dhalis counters Nile's scoff with a clipped retort, his tone as sharp as a drill sergeant addressing a trainee with the intellectual capacity of a sluggish spud. "With all due respect, Commander Dawk,," he emphasizes. "the Ackerman bloodline exhibits demonstrably abnormal combat capabilities. These capabilities demonstrably exceed even those of our most elite soldiers, if such a designation can be ascribed to the current standard."

Nile slams his fist down on the polished mahogany table, the resulting impact sending a tremor through the crystal glassware that evokes a startled flock of pigeons.

"The Ackermans are nothing more than volatile instruments of war! Their allegiances are fluid and dictated by whomever holds the reins of power! They are Smith's sword perpetually hanging over our heads, a festering danger to the very foundations of the Wall's Military!" He puffs out his chest, the very image of an outraged toddler whose favorite stuffed animal has been snatched away.

Predictably, the very mention of the Ackerman bloodline ignites a cacophony of idiocy within the room. Nile, bless his perpetually furrowed brow, predictably launches into a tirade about "the potential dangers," his voice laced with the kind of bluster one might expect from a petulant child.

Pixis drawls out a response, doing little to quell the simmering tension in the room. "While your concerns, Commander Dawk, are duly noted, perhaps a more measured approach is warranted.," he says, his voice dripping with a nonchalance that borders on mockery. "Captain Levi, appears content to fulfill his designated role. One might even argue he demonstrates a certain efficiency in battlefields And surely, their demonstrable utility in such endeavors cannot be entirely dismissed."

Dhalis clears his throat with a theatrical flourish, the universal signal for the assembled commanders to shut their yaps.

"Indeed, Commander Pixis," he concedes. "While I acknowledge Captain Levi's utility, Commander Pixis." He continues, his voice taking on a conspiratorial tone, as if he is about to drop a bombshell more explosive than a Titan spotting a juicy human morsel. "we must consider the entirety of the Ackerman bloodline. The private known as Mikasa Ackerman also warrants our attention in this discussion."

Nile growls, a bulldog with a stubborn bone lodged in its throat. "Private Mikasa Ackerman presents a potential complication," he spits out. "Her emotional attachment to the impulsive and reckless Private Eren Yeager, Humanity's Hope, could be a detriment to her objectivity. The military requires unwavering focus and strategic acumen, qualities potentially compromised by such sentimental entanglements."

Dhalis offers a curt nod, the gesture of a teacher indulging a slow student. "To be perfectly clear, Commander Dawk" he clarifies. "while Private Mikasa Ackerman's emotional attachments warrant observation, they are not the immediate cause for concern. Our primary focus must remain fixed upon Captain Levi, Humanity's Strongest Soldier. It is imperative that we establish, with absolute certainty, the nature of his allegiance. The military requires unwavering loyalty, a commitment that must be secured on a permanent basis"

They want to clip Levi's wings, transform him into a government sanctioned attack dog, a good little soldier following their every beck and call.

The irony is so thick, so suffocating, it could be slathered on burnt toast and passed off as a gourmet meal. Levi's loyalty, if they could even begin to understand it, lies solely with the singular objective of ending this bloody war.

And achieving that requires a hell of a lot more than empty promises and a patronizing pat on the head.

They dangle the Ackerman bloodline before him like a juicy carrot, all the while preparing to yank him in with a leash. Because, apparently, a goddamn Titan slaying machine, a man who has stared into the abyss and emerged unbroken, is a threat to their precious little power structure.

These self proclaimed leaders could not fight their way out of a paper bag, let alone navigate the treacherous political labyrinth they have constructed within these damned Walls.

The only true anomaly associated with the Ackerman bloodline is their complete and utter lack of tolerance for bureaucratic idiocy.

This s whole damn meeting is a pointless exercise in futility, a waste of valuable time that could be spent slicing Titans, not listening to them spout nonsense.

The only entertainment comes from watching these self important wind bags trip over their own inflated egos.

Maybe Levi should start a mental betting pool – Nile, with his perpetually constipated expression, or Pixis, with that oily salesman grin he can not seem to wipe off? Knowing their track record, it will be a nail biter of a finish.

Jaw clenches tighter, frustration a rising tide threatening to spill over. They have been droning on for an eternity, and not a single one of them has offered a decent cup of tea.

The lack of proper tea is a war crime in itself, and frankly, Levi is about to reach his breaking point.

Levi cuts through the tense air with his voice, a low monotone as sharp as a carving knife slicing through butter. "Loyalty," he declares, "is something that is earned, not something you bully into someone like a conscript force fed expired rations" His steely gaze sweeps across the room, taking each face in turn, a silent challenge. "If my lineage is such a delectable dish for your paranoid ruminations," he continues, leaning back slightly in his chair, "then by all means, let me demonstrate my value on the battlefield. It seems a far more productive use of time than this childish charade of bureaucratic musical chairs you've orchestrated here today."

A flicker of surprise, as fleeting as a gnat caught in a hurricane, crosses Dhalis' weathered face. Erwin, however, can not quite suppress a smirk playing on his lips.

The man understands Levi better than most, recognizes the unwavering dedication that burns within him like superheated Titan blood.

Pixis, the oily eel of a Garrison commander, leans back with a mischievous glint in his eye. "Perhaps, esteemed General," he drawls, his voice dripping with a false sincerity. "the Captain raises a salient observation. Indeed, why not allow him to take to the field? Let him spill his own crimson ichor in defense of humanity. In the crucible of combat, his loyalty can be forged anew, not through empty pronouncements, but through actions etched in the very blood he sheds for our collective survival."

Dhalis releases a sigh that ruffles the papers scattered across the table, the sound betraying the frustration simmering beneath his carefully constructed facade.

Dhalis reaches up to stroke his beard, an unhealthy habit that likely yanks out more hair than a pack of hungry Titans swarming a buffet. "Very well, Captain Levi," he concedes, his voice laced with a begrudging acceptance that strains to mask his underlying apprehension. "You have been granted this… opportunity to demonstrate your fealty. Consider this a reprieve, a chance to redeem the inherent suspicion that clings to your bloodline like a persistent miasma." he leans forward, his gaze hardening into steely glint, "But make no mistake, Captain" he adds, a cruel edge creeping into his voice, "the moment even the slightest tremor of disloyalty betrays your actions, the repercussions will be as swift and merciless as the blade you wield so effectively. And let me assure you swiftness will be a forgotten luxury in the face of your transgression. The full weight of the military will come crashing down upon you, a juggernaut of retribution that will leave you yearning for the sweet embrace of oblivion.

Levi meets his gaze head on, his expression an unreadable mask. "Understood, sir," he replies, his voice betraying none of the storm brewing within him.

"However," Dhalis continues, his voice taking on a sly tone, "as Commander Pixis eloquently articulated, mere pronouncements hold little sway in this esteemed chamber. Deeds, Captain Levi, deeds are what we demand. As alluded to in our prior deliberations, the undeniable admiration Private Eren Yeager, Humanity's Hope holds for you, Humanity's Strongest Soldier, is a matter of public record. His unyielding trust in your capabilities borders on the fanatical, would you not agree? The boy would not hesitate to follow you into the very maw of a Titan itself. Therefore, we require a… proof, shall we say? A public spectacle that unequivocally demonstrates that Humanity's Strongest Soldier is, without question, prepared to adhere to our directives, regardless of their perceived absurdity or apparent pointlessness. We require absolute, unwavering certainty that your allegiance remains firmly tethered to the military. Any hint of wavering, of a potential defection that could see you and Eren Yeager stray from the designated path, will not be tolerated. The consequences of such a betrayal would reverberate throughout humanity's fragile existence. Imagine the chaos, the erosion of trust that would follow in the wake of your disobedience. Think of the fragile hope you would shatter, the blood that would stain the ground due to your misplaced loyalties. No, Captain Levi, we cannot, will not, accept such a catastrophic scenario. Therefore, a public display of your obedience is paramount. We need the world, and more importantly, Eren Yeager himself, to witness your unwavering commitment to this cause. Only then can we move forward with a semblance of confidence, knowing that our strongest soldier stands firmly beside us, not against us."

Levi's voice cuts through the veiled threats, cold and sharp as a discarded blade. "How exactly do I prove this loyalty you are so desperate for?"

Dhalis leans forward, his belly straining against his uniform like a sausage casing about to burst. If Levi squinted real hard, maybe he could pretend it was sincerity wrinkling his brow.

"Ah, Captain," Dhalis Zachary drawls, a sickeningly theatrical tone creeping into his voice, "there in lies the crux of the matter, would you not concur? It would be a most unfortunate turn of events, a veritable tragedy of epic proportions, if…" Tragedy? More like a comedy act gone horribly wrong. "…something unforeseen… were to befall our invaluable asset…" Unfortunate for who, exactly? "…Humanity's Strongest Soldier, Levi Ackerman. The potential loss of such a potent genealogical lineage, the Ackerman bloodline, brimming with unparalleled combat prowess - an unconscionable waste, would you not agree? A crying shame that would echo through the annals of humanity's struggle for survival. Fear not, Captain, would never dream of placing you in an untenable situation. However, a strategically orchestrated public display of obedience, one that showcases your unwavering commitment to this very institution, would be most… reassuring. Think of it as a necessary formality, a safeguard against the unforeseen. After all, who amongst us can predict the capricious hand of fate? Imagine the public outcry, the despair that would grip humanity, if some… mishap… were to befall our most prized weapon in the fight against the Titan menace. Surely, Captain, a man of your esteemed stature would not want to be the cause of such widespread devastation, would you?" His gaze fixes on Levi, "The task I propose, Captain, is a mere formality, a carefully choreographed performance designed to quell any lingering anxieties. Think of it as an investment in the future, a testament to the enduring unity between yourself and the very military of the Walls. After all, the potential consequences of your… disobedience, shall we say, are a prospect that would leave us all trembling in the face of an uncertain future."

Unease flickers across Nile's face, a fly caught in a spiderweb. The man is a walking bad mood on a good day, but even he seems to recoil at the thought. Turning soldiers into government breeding stock? The very idea is enough to make a Titan reconsider its lunch options.

Nile growls, "Are you implying, General," he spits, disgusted "that we revisit that proposition tabled earlier, the one concocted in hushed tones between yourself, Commander Smith, Commander Pixis, and myself? The utterly repugnant notion of Captain Ackerman being transformed into some… government sanctioned stallion?" The word hangs in the air, vulgar and obscene, shattering any remaining pretense of decorum in the room. "The very notion is not only abhorrent but strategically unsound!"

Government sanctioned stud? Levi's blood runs cold, a primal fury clawing its way up his throat. The audacity of these men! Do they think Levi is some mindless beast to be bred in captivity? A weapon to be passed down through generations?

The General might acknowledge the validity of Nile's point, but government sanctioned stud? Even these pompous windbags have a limit on their tact, apparently.

Dhalis clears his throat, the sound like a clogged drain trying to cough up a hairball. "Commander Dawk, while your concerns regarding the… unorthodox proposition previously discussed are duly noted, perhaps a more nuanced approach might be warranted. We must consider the long game, do you not agree? Who can say what unforeseen threats lurk beyond the Walls, what monstrous adversaries may rise to challenge humanity's very existence? Therefore, would it not be prudent, some might even say a matter of humanity's security, to ensure the… continuation of the Ackerman bloodline? After all," he wheezes, strained like a man trying to swallow a rotten potato whole. "their demonstrably superior combat prowess is an asset too valuable to squander. Perhaps, a more… conventional arrangement could be facilitated. A suitable female candidate, carefully vetted for loyalty and robust health, could be identified. A union, orchestrated with the utmost discretion, could see the Ackerman lineage flourish, a safeguard against the potential horrors that the future may hold." He continues, the word dripping with self serving righteousness, "There is much to consider, do you not agree? But surely, the potential benefits outweigh any initial discomfort such a course of action might engender."

This attempt to sugarcoat their barbaric proposition with necessity is about as transparent as a window.

Erwin stays silent, a mask hiding any flicker of internal debate. Maybe he is strategizing, formulating an escape plan for this bureaucratic nightmare.

Who knows what goes on behind that calculating mind of his?

"Are you suggesting, that I become a government sanctioned sperm bank for the Walls?" Levi's voice cuts through the obfuscation, a blade slicing through their web of lies.

Dhalis, the oblivious buffoon, throws his head back and lets out a laugh that grates on Levi's nerves like fingernails on a chalkboard. The amusement in his eyes is a stark contrast to the thundercloud that has formed above Nile's perpetually grumpy face.

Does this man find humor in reducing a soldier to nothing more than a stud?

Levi's urge to wipe that smug grin off his face with his bare fists is overwhelming.

"Now, now, Captain Levi," Dhalis wheezes, wiping tears from his eyes brought on by his amusement. "There is no need for such modesty! Consider this a paramount contribution to the very survival of humanity, your ultimate patriotic duty! Imagine the glorious possibilities! Why, with a little," He leans forward, his eyes gleaming with a manic glint that sends shivers down spines more accustomed to Titan chills. "Imagine the possibilities!" he crows. "… selective breeding, we could cultivate an entire goddamn army of Ackermans! An unstoppable legion, bred for war and impervious to Titan threats! Think of it, Captain Levi," he trails off, his voice dropping to a conspiratorial whisper, "we could engineer the ultimate weapon, humanity's salvation forged from your genes! Generations of Ackerman prodigies, each one a genetic marvel honed for combat! The very future of humanity rests upon your… cooperation, Captain." he continues, "Refusal to cooperate with this endeavor, however distasteful it may seem, could be misconstrued as… disloyalty. And disloyalty, Captain, as we have already established, has a very unpleasant cost. So Captain, what say you? Will you embrace your patriotic duty and become the progenitor of a Titan slaying army, or will you force us to consider… alternative solutions?"

Is he reading out some twisted fairytale? These are not puppies you can breed for good looks and tricks, these are lives, lives he has ready to gamble on like chips in a rigged game.

The sheer audacity of these self important buffoons leaves Levi momentarily speechless. An army of mindless Ackerman babies, bred like cattle to fight their battles?

The very notion is so ludicrous it borders on comical. Almost. Levi forces down the urge to laugh, instead opting for a slow, deliberate blink.

The icy glint in his eyes speaks volumes, a silent challenge that hangs heavy in the air.

Nile's question cuts through the idiocy like a blade through overcooked cabbage. "And who, pray tell, General, who would be the lucky lady tasked with… producing this Ackerman army of yours?" He drawls the words.

An army of Ackermans, bred like some twisted livestock? The image that flashes in Levi's mind is enough to make him clench his fists so hard his nails dig into his palms.

Who would be the sacrificial lamb in this grotesque breeding program?

Nile's question is seemingly ignored.

A flicker of interest crosses Erwin's face, a spark of intrigue igniting in his blue eyes. He strokes his chin thoughtfully, his gaze lingering on General Dhalis with a healthy dose of skepticism. "Intriguing," he finally concedes, his voice measured and devoid of emotion. "The potential for such a military force… an army specifically bred and trained to combat the Titan menace… it is a concept that warrants serious consideration. The Ackerman bloodline, with its demonstrably superior martial prowess, could indeed be the cornerstone of such a revolutionary endeavor." He leans back in his chair, his voice dropping to a low growl. "However," he continues, his gaze turning laser focused on Dhalis, "one must approach such a proposition with utmost caution. The ramifications of failure, of a genetic experiment gone awry, could be catastrophic. And frankly, General," he adds with a sardonic edge, "your sudden and fervent advocacy for Captain Ackerman's… reproductive contributions leaves much to be desired. I wonder what ulterior motives might lurk beneath the surface of your zealous enthusiasm." He fixes Dhalis with a stare that could crack stone. "Nevertheless," he concedes with a sigh, "the potential benefits are undeniable. Therefore, I am willing to entertain this proposition, on a trial basis. Captain Ackerman will be… monitored closely. The success or failure of this venture will hinge entirely upon his cooperation, and upon the viability of replicating the Ackerman lineage. Only time will tell," he concludes, his voice laced with a hint of grim determination, "if this gamble will reap the rewards we so desperately seek, or usher in a new era of unforeseen horrors."

Nile, bless his perpetually grumpy soul, erupts like a volcano spewing common sense. "Insane!" he bellows, a bulldog who has not only had his bone snatched, but stomped into oblivion by Dhalis' twisted amusement. "We can not trust these Ackermans!" He throws his hands up in exasperation. "Who knows what kind of pint sized killing machines they will churn out?

The image that explodes in my Levi's mind is terrifying – miniature versions of himself, miniature Levi's running amok, tearing through the streets with a bloodthirsty gleam in their tiny eyes.

"Indeed," Dhalis concedes, "there are intricate details that necessitate further refinement before we can proceed. However," he continues, his voice taking on a forceful tone, "the potential benefits for humanity's survival are undeniable. Captain Levi," he leans forward, his gaze turning into a predatory glint, "the choice before you is stark. Are you prepared to… contribute" – he emphasizes the word with a distasteful flourish – "to this endeavor, for the supposed good of humanity? Your compliance, of course, would be viewed most favorably." He pauses for a beat, allowing the weight of his words to settle. "However," he continues, his voice hardening into a dangerous growl, "should you choose the path of dissent, the consequences for your disloyalty will be swift and severe. We will not hesitate to leverage Private Mikasa Ackerman as a… necessary participant in this, ahem, breeding program. Furthermore," he adds with a cruel twist of his lips, "the currently planned operation to reclaim territory from the Titans, an operation you hold rather dear, Captain, if whispers are to be believed, would be indefinitely postponed. Let us be perfectly clear," he leans forward, his voice dropping to a menacing whisper, "this is not a negotiation. This is a decree. The future of humanity hangs in the balance, Captain. Do you truly wish to be the one who stands in its way? Does such an outcome, fraught with personal sacrifice and the potential to doom mankind, truly appeal to you?" He leans back in his chair, his eyes narrowed, waiting for Levi's response, the air thick with unspoken threats and a palpable sense of distrust.

Punishment or breeding program? He may as well be asking Levi to choose between getting devoured by a Titan or becoming one himself. The veiled threat about Mikasa, about the mission – a desperate attempt to yank on his leash, a leash he never agreed to wear.

Now Levi understands Erwin's … acquiescence to this farce. The mission dangled in front of him, a carrot to a desperate horse, all to get his grubby little hands on Grisha Yeager's basement and whatever secrets lie buried there.

The audacity of these self serving buffoons is breathtaking. Do they truly believe Humanity's Strongest Soldier can be reduced to a mindless beast to be controlled, a cog in their eugenics scheme? Levi meets Dhalis' gaze head on, his own eyes as cold and unforgiving as a Titan's stare. His posture remains rigid, a silent testament to his unwavering defiance.

Dhalis, sensing Levi;s resistance, does something unexpected. A barely perceptible smile, devoid of warmth or humor, tugs at the corner of his lips.

It is not a smile of camaraderie, but something far more unsettling - a predator sizing up its prey.

Let them stew in their own uncertainty. The real question is, when the time comes, will they be the ones holding the leash, or will Levi be the one snapping it in half?

"We acknowledge, Captain Levi," General Dhalis begins, his voice dripping with a false sincerity, "your unwavering dedication to the Survey Corps. Indeed, such loyalty is a beacon of hope in these perilous times. However," he continues, his tone subtly shifting, "loyalty, much like any well forged bond, demands reciprocity. Can we, in good conscience," he asks, his voice laden with veiled doubt, "extend our trust to a man with your… unconventional background? A past shrouded in the criminal underbelly, a stain on your otherwise exemplary record." He leans forward, his gaze turning into a predatory glint. "If you choose to defy this directive, Captain," he warns, his voice hardening with barely concealed menace, "we will be compelled to revisit those unsavory legal entanglements that dogged your past existence in the Underground. Those little indiscretions, conveniently swept under the rug upon your enlistment with the Survey Corps, will be resurrected with ruthless efficiency. The pact of silence, a tacit agreement reliant upon your continued obedience, will be null and void." He throws his hands out in a theatrical gesture. "Disobeying an order, Captain," he continues, his voice laced with a chilling finality, "is tantamount to disobeying the very military that has shielded you from the consequences of your past transgressions. The consequences, I assure you, would be swift and merciless. You will find yourself stripped of your rank, stripped of your freedom, and cast back into the very depths you so desperately clawed your way out of. The Underground beckons, Captain, its cold embrace a fitting punishment for disobedience." He leans back in his chair, a cruel smile twisting his lips. "The choice is yours, Captain. Will you honor the unspoken pact that binds you to this institution, or will you risk a return to the abyss?"

Nile Dawk, that perpetually grumpy bulldog of a Garrison commander, can not quite suppress a smirk playing at the corner of his lips.

"My past, has absolutely no bearing on my current abilities." Levi's face is a blank slate, an unreadable mask that would not crack under a Titan's roar. Let them stew in their ignorance. Levi's past, those scrapes and scuffles in the Underground, those were like pebbles on a dirt road compared to the mountains he hass climbed since joining the Survey Corps.

Who cares about a few youthful indiscretions, or for that matter, overthrowing a corrupt monarchy? Water under the bridge, ancient history best left buried.

Dhalis lets out a chuckle, a dry, humorless sound that sends shivers skittering down Hange's spine despite the summer heat radiating from Pixis' ever present belly.

"Ah, Captain Levi," General Dhalis purrs, leaning forward in his chair with a predatory glint in his eye. "It appears you harbor a fundamental misunderstanding," he continues, his voice dropping to a conspiratorial whisper that could curdle the blood of a seasoned Titan researcher. "Your past, Captain," he emphasizes each word with deliberate weight, "is far more… nuanced than you might believe. It is a tapestry woven with threads of rebellion, a penchant for violence that borders on the barbaric, and a rather lengthy, shall we say, apprenticeship in the notoriously brutal underbelly known as the Underground." He leans back, a hint of a cruel smile playing on his lips. "A most… colorful background, do you not agree? One that raises a multitude of questions regarding your suitability for the critical role we envision for you." His gaze narrows, scrutinizing Levi with an intensity that could bore holes through steel. "The question, Captain, is not whether you are loyal to the Survey Corps – your dedication is undeniable. The true question lies in the depths of your allegiance. Can we, in good conscience, entrust the future of humanity to a man whose past reeks of defiance and whose very existence is steeped in the savagery of the Underground? Loyalty, Captain, is a double edged sword. It demands not only obedience but also unwavering trust. And in your case, Captain," he concludes with a chilling finality, "that trust is a most precarious commodity." The air in the room hangs heavy with suspicion, a silent battle of wills waged between a man haunted by his past and a ruthless leader determined to exploit it.

A flicker of something - annoyance, perhaps, or maybe a tightly leashed fury - crosses Levi's features for a fleeting moment before he slap it back down under the mask.

These self important buffoons would not know a colorful picture if it bit them in their oiled ass.

"Those… youthful transgressions," General Dhalis continues, drawing out the silence with practiced ease, like a skilled interrogator milking a suspect for information. "By the benevolence of the military, these incidents have been relegated to the dustbin of history… for the time being. Consider them a dark stain on an otherwise pristine record, Captain, a lapse in judgment shrouded in the merciful cloak of the military's discretion." He leans back in his chair, a predator savoring the discomfort of its prey. "However," he continues, his voice taking on a dangerous edge, "let us not mince words, Captain. This amnesty, this act of extraordinary leniency, is a weapon. While it shields you from the harshest repercussions of your past, it also binds you to the military in a way most soldiers can only dream of. Your freedom, Captain," he emphasizes the word with a cruel twist of his lips, "is a conditional privilege, a gift bestowed with the expectation of unwavering loyalty." He fixes Levi with a cold stare.

This is about control.

They want to shackle Humanity's Strongest Soldier, a weapon of unparalleled skill honed in the fires of the Underground, to their will. Turn him into a loyal attack dog who only answers to their whistle.

The only thing they are overlooking is the fact that leashes can be chewed through, snapped, or used to strangle the very hand holding them.

'Well, General, you may think you have got me backed into a corner, but let me tell you something - corners have a nasty habit of disappearing when you know how to fight dirty. You do not even how much "former" criminal I can be.'

Levi's fists clench at his sides, the only outward sign of the tempest brewing within.

Years of meticulously crafting a life within the Survey Corps, the grudging respect he has earned through rivers of blood and mountains of Titan corpses, all teetering on the precipice of collapse at the whim of this power hungry peacock of a General.

Dhalis' self satisfied visage makes Levi want to wipe it off his face with the back of his hand, but the glint in his eyes, cold and calculating, warns against such impulsive actions.

Nile Dawk, that bulldog of a Military Police commander who perpetually looks like he is one bad nap away from spontaneous combustion, can not contain himself any longer.

A low, guttural chuckle erupts from him, the sound as pleasant as a Titan gnawing on a stubborn bone.

Dhalis leans back in his chair, the picture of smug satisfaction. The predatory glint in his eyes intensifies, and for a moment, Levi almost expects him to unsheathe a pair of claws from beneath his manicured fingernails.

"So, Captain Ackerman," he purrs, the word dripping with false sincerity, "are we in agreement? Do you continue to serve humanity, conveniently forgetting your little… indiscretions, under the banner of the Survey Corps, or do we take a stroll down memory lane and revisit those… misplaced documents?"

The seconds tick by, each one an agonizing hammer blow against the already suffocating atmosphere. Levi's jaw remains clenched, his face an impassive mask that would not crack even if a Titan decided to use it for target practice.

A battle rages behind Levi's icy gaze, a war between self preservation and the gnawing sense of being played like a cheap fiddle.

The weight of the decision presses down on him with the crushing force of a Titan's fist.

"You leave me with no options, General."

It is not an agreement, not truly. It is a surrender, a forced compliance in the face of an impossible situation.

"A wise decision, Captain Levi," General Dhalis purrs, his voice oozing with a cloying satisfaction that sends a shiver down spines in the room. "We had every confidence that reason would ultimately prevail." He directs a dismissive gesture towards Erwin Smith. "The details of this… accord," he continues, his voice laced with a subtle emphasis on the word, "will be meticulously overseen by Commander Erwin Smith, with myself, of course, maintaining a watchful eye on proceedings. He," he adds with a pointed look in Erwin's direction, "will ensure your… contribution to the perpetuation of humanity is both optimized and meticulously documented." The veiled threat hangs heavy in the air – cooperation will be rigorously monitored, any misstep scrutinized.

Contribution. Right. As if Levi has any say in the matter. More like ensure his continued usefulness as their personal Titan slaying attack dog.

The rhythmic tap tap tap of Levi's boots echoes through the sterile hallway, a chilling counterpoint to the silent scream building in his chest. This is not walking, it is a war march towards an enemy he can not quite punch.

Each step is a beat in the symphony of his simmering fury, punctuated only by the silence that hangs heavy in the air. This silence is a tangible entity, thick with the absurdity of the mission he has been strong armed into accepting.

Erwin's office door looms ahead, a stark slab of wood mocking Levi with its finality. The nameplate, "Erwin Smith, Commander, Survey Corps", bold and brassy, screams "authority" – the very thing they are trying to assert over Levi.

Levi takes deep breath, not to calm the inferno, but to fan it into a roaring blaze. This is not about calming down, it is about channeling the anger, using it as a weapon. Fist meets wood in a resounding boom, the impact echoing like a challenge through the hallway. The windows rattles, a surprised gasp from within the office the only response I crave.

A startled yell of "Come in!" pierces through the wood. Levi throws the door open with a flourish that would make a Titan flinch, entering Erwin's office in a whirlwind of barely contained rage. The room itself is a spartan reflection of its perpetually calculating occupant. Maps and battle plans dominate the walls, a grim tapestry chronicling humanity's losing struggle against the Titans. These plans, however, seem sterile and lifeless compared to the raw, simmering anger radiating off Levi.

Paperwork teeters like a drunken soldier on Erwin's desk, the only sign of life in this sterile office besides the furious scribbling of his quill. The quill looks like it wrestled an enthusiastic rodent for ink. Erwin glances up, that glint of amusement in his sapphire eyes like a taunting dare.

The door slams shut behind Levi, the sound a physical manifestation of the rage choking him. Each step towards the Commander's desk is a calculated move, a predator stalking its prey. Levi stops just a hair's breadth away, close enough to feel the heat radiating off his body, and lock eyes with him.

Levi's gaze is a thousand suns focused into a single, icy point, a silent scream before the real roar begins. The air itself seems to crackle under the pressure, a tangible tension that hangs heavy in the air like a storm about to break.

This "arrangement," this leash they have forced around Levi's neck – it twists with every beat of his heart, a constant reminder of the simmering fury boiling beneath the surface.

"Levi," Erwin greets, a hint of amusement flickering in the depths of his blue iris. "What brings you here in such a… dramatic state?"

"Let us talk about the little… surprise Dhalis dropped on me today," Levi demands, his voice laced with barely contained fury. The very notion of Dhalis' "surprise" leaves a bitter taste in his mouth.

Surprise? More like a thinly veiled threat masquerading as bureaucratic hell.

"Levi," Erwin begins, his voice even and steady, a stark contrast to the raw emotions swirling around the Captain. "About the Ackerman proposition," he inquires, his tone more curious than accusatory. "Yes, I was aware of it. In fact," he continues with a wry smile, "I spent the weeks leading up to this meeting locked in a rather tedious exchange of letters with Dhalis, arguing the finer points until I thought my head might explode."

Erwin lets out a sigh that sounds like the air escaping a punctured Titan tire. He leans back in his chair, pinching the bridge of his nose as if trying to physically block out the sheer absurdity of the situation. The image paints a clear picture: Erwin, the brilliant strategist, forced to waste his time arguing with Dhalis, the buffoonish general, over a ludicrous proposition.

"Dhalis," Erwin mutters, the word dripping with contempt, "would clutch at any straw to keep the Survey Corps on a leash. Any leverage, no matter how ludicrous, seems fair game in his twisted little power grab."

"And that straw," Levi counters, his voice laced with enough bitterness to curdle milk, "happens to be my… reproductive system?"

The very concept is so absurd it takes Levi a moment to process it, and even then, the words come out sounding like he is choking on gravel. The image of him, humanity's strongest soldier reduced to glorified diaper duty, is enough to make him want to disinfect his brain with industrial grade disinfectant.

Erwin's sigh morphs into a long, weary groan that speaks volumes about the weight of his command. The man looks ten years older after his little meeting with Dhalis.

"Believe me, Levi," he says, his voice heavy with a sincerity that almost sounds genuine, "let me assure you, the last thing I want is to see you reduced to some stud for the military's benefit. And the thought of your hypothetical offspring being mere pawns in this twisted game? Frankly, it revolts me." he continues, leaning forward and locking eyes with Levi, "The Survey Corps, would never stand for such a blatant violation of your autonomy. We fight for humanity's freedom, not to become some twisted eugenics project. Besides" he adds, "the whole proposition is ridiculous on a practical level. Imagine the logistics involved! The paperwork alone would be a nightmare."

Levi's eyes narrow into slits, skepticism radiating off him like heat waves. "So why do you not shut this whole charade down, Commander Erwin?" he challenges. "Is that not your job, Commander? Making the tough calls, navigating the political labyrinth, and steering this damn ship through the storm? Or are you content to just shuffle paperwork while they dangle my balls over a fire?"

Erwin meets Levi's gaze head on, his blue eyes unwavering. "In an ideal world, Levi," he says, his voice firm, "of course I would put a stop to this nonsense. But the reality is far from ideal. Dhalis recognizes our potential, the potential of the Survey Corps, and he craves control. He wants to leash us, turn us into his own personal attack dogs."

Levi scoffs, a harsh rasp that echoes in the confines of the office. "Entrap our potential? You make it sound like some noble pursuit. They want a goddamn weapon, Erwin. An army of genetically modified super soldiers, all stamped with the convenient 'Ackerman' brand name."

The image that pops into his head again - miniature, murderous Levi Ackermans tearing through the streets - is both horrifying and oddly adorable.

Erwin shakes his head resolutely. "No, Levi. That is not what I want. And," he continues, his voice dropping, "I assure you, I will not allow them to use your children, or any potential offspring for that matter, as pawns in their twisted game."

A flicker of doubt dances in Levi's eyes, battling with the anger that still simmers beneath the surface. "What makes you think you have any say in the matter?" I ask, his voice laced with a challenge.

Erwin may be the Commander, but that does not mean he has complete control over Levi or his … superior reproductive capabilities.

"Levi," Erwin leans forward, his voice laced with a seriousness that brooks no argument, "let me get one thing perfectly clear. You, Levi Ackerman, are an indispensable asset to the Survey Corps. Perhaps our most indispensable, if I am being honest. Your skills, your unwavering dedication to purging the Titans from this world – these are qualities that cannot be easily replicated. We need you on the front lines, your blades flashing like a storm as you cut a bloody swathe through those grotesque monstrosities. The thought of you being relegated to some… government sanctioned breeding program," he lets out a snort of derision, "is frankly ludicrous." He fixes Levi with a steady gaze. "However," he continues, his voice dropping to a conspiratorial whisper, "we need a concession, Levi. Dhalis, that pompous windbag, requires a certain… optics play to secure approval for the operation we have been discussing. The idea of a potential Ackerman bloodline legacy, a new generation of Titan-slaying prodigies – it is a narrative they find palatable. So, yes," he acknowledges with a sigh, "fathering children may be a technical requirement to appease the bean counters. But there is the thing, Levi," he places a hand on the Captain's shoulder, his voice firm but friendly, "those children, your children, will not become pawns in this game. Their future is their own. The Survey Corps will ensure their safety and well being, but any choices they make, any paths they choose to walk, will be theirs alone. This is a necessary deception, Levi, a strategic maneuver to secure the resources we desperately need to achieve our true objective: to eradicate the Titans once and for all. We need you on the battlefield, Levi, and I assure you, I will fight tooth and nail to ensure your freedom and that of your future progeny. We are in this together, Captain. Now, let us go carve a bloody path through those Titan hordes and show the world what humanity is truly capable of." Erwin leans back in his chair, a determined glint in his eyes.

Levi's gaze drifts to the map plastered on the wall, a tangled web of humanity's despair. Walls that confines them, Titans that devour them – it is a suffocating cage. The weight of the situation, the impossible choices Erwin faces, presses down on Levi like a physical force.

Erwin may not be the enemy here, but he is certainly not the one calling all the shots.

"Alright, Levi," Erwin begins, a sardonic smile playing on his lips, "let's dissect this whole charade, shall we? Dhalis, bless his ambitious heart, has undoubtedly already identified a woman deemed genetically and physically suitable receptacles for your, ahem, Ackerman seed." He pauses for a moment, a twinkle of amusement dancing in his eyes. "But fear not," he continues, his voice laced with a dash of humor, "I have every confidence that this… candidate will not resemble… farm equipment." Erwin throws his head back and lets out a short, humorless laugh, the absurdity of the situation finally sinking in. "The good General may have a rather… agricultural approach to this whole thing," he adds with a wink, "but rest assured, Levi, I will not subject you to such a crass charade."

Levi raises an eyebrow, unimpressed. "Just keep the wide eyed, hero worshipping brats fresh out of the womb away from me," he retorts. The mere thought of babysitting some hormonal, hero worshipping brat is enough to make him yearn for the sweet embrace of a Titan's maw (Hange would find that amusing, to say the least). At least a Titan would not judge his social skills (or lack thereof).

Erwin throws his head back and lets out a genuine laugh, a full bodied sound that fills the office with an unexpected warmth. "The entire concept of this breeding program is absurd! Ludicrous, even," Erwin exclaims, his voice laced with a frustration that Levi clearly shares. "It is more ludicrous than the idea of a Titan trying to waltz in a tutu."

The mental image that springs to mind - a lumbering, naked Titan clumsily pirouetting in a ballet skirt - is enough to almost make Levi gag.

Levi raises an eyebrow, a hint of amusement flickering in Levi's icy gaze despite the tense situation. "Ludicrous?" He echoes. "Erwin, we are talking about manipulating human genetics here. This is not some barnyard breeding experiment gone wrong. These buffoons are talking about creating a super soldier factory, and they want me as the star breeding stallion."

"Exactly my point, Levi, think of the logistical nightmare! Compatibility testing, mountains of paperwork, not to mention the potential for some truly… nightmarish sexually transmitted… anomalies." He shudders dramatically, the image clearly repugnant to him. "The whole thing is a bureaucratic minefield waiting to explode in Dhalis's face."

A grimace curls Levi's lip. Erwin's words conjure a mental image of some grotesque, Titan sized sexually transmitted diseases that will make even the most hardened Wall cultist reconsider their life choices.

"Now that is a horror story I would not want to read," he says.

"Indeed," Erwin agrees, leaning back in his chair with a sigh. "Let me introduce you to the candidate selected."

"Now, to the specifics of this… arrangement," Erwin continues, his voice adopting a dryly official tone. "Dhalis has selected a candidate, a young woman named Letta Reader. She is, as of this year, twenty four years of age. Her background includes a stint with the Interior Military Police's Anti Personnel Control Squad." He pauses for a moment, consulting a document in his hand. "However," he adds, his voice taking on a more serious tone, "recent events have cast a shadow over Ms. Reader's otherwise exemplary record. Apparently, she expressed… misplaced loyalty towards a certain Kenny Ackerman, an individual whose activities have been deemed detrimental to public safety." Erwin sighs, a hint of frustration creeping into his voice. "This lapse in judgment has resulted in her incarceration. The General proposes a… unique solution. If Ms. Reader agrees to participate in this endeavor, to contribute to the continuation of the Ackerman bloodline, as it were, her release from custody can be facilitated, with the full endorsement of the Survey Corps."

He leans forward, his gaze fixed on Levi. "It is important to note, Captain," he continues, "that Ms. Reader hails from Trost District, a region well within Wall Rose. She chose to dedicate herself to serving humanity by joining the military, and her record, prior to this unfortunate entanglement, was indeed unblemished. Furthermore," he adds, a hint of intrigue flickering in his eyes, "her ingenuity extends beyond the battlefield. Ms. Reader is credited with the design of the Anti-Personnel Vertical Maneuvering Gear, a significant contribution to the Military Police's arsenal." He steeples his fingers, his expression thoughtful. "Letta Reader, Captain, is a complex individual. A woman of unquestionable talent, but one whose judgment has been demonstrably flawed." Erwin sits back in his chair, leaving the weight of this unexpected information to settle upon Levi. The fate of a woman, the potential future of the Ackerman bloodline, all hinged on Levi's next move.

Kenny. The name explodes in Levi's head, a grenade lobbed into the fragile peace. Supporting Kenny Ackerman? Stupid girl. They are using you as a leverage, dangling you freedom in front of you. Carry Levi's child, support the Survey Corps, and maybe, just maybe, you walk free. Erwin continues, his voice monotone as he reads from the file, a litany of facts that blur together in Levi's anger. Trost born, military history, even designed the new ODM gear.

Levi's face remains an impassive mask, but a flicker of fury dances in his icy blue eyes. He keeps his voice low, controlled, but the anger is palpable. "What makes you think I'd even consider breeding with a criminal branded by Kenny's actions? This entire thing reeks of Dhalis' amusement, does it not?"

Erwin lets out a sigh, a weary sound that speaks volumes. "Amusement? For Dhalis, it is more than that. You know how twisted his mind is."

Levi clenches his fists, his jaw set tight. "Kenny is s still alive," he mutters, more to himself than to Erwin. "Out there somewhere…"

Erwin steeples his fingers and leans forward, consulting the document in his hand. "Now, Levi," he begins, his voice adopting a more neutral tone, "it appears there is more to Ms. Reader's profile. According to her records, she graduated with distinction from the 95th Cadet Corps, achieving the esteemed honor of ranking top of her class. Her instructors noted a tendency towards introversion and a reserved demeanor, with a social circle on the smaller side." He pauses for a moment, a hint of curiosity flickering in his gaze. "They further describe her as a staunch adherent to regulations, a 'by the book' individual who takes her duties with utmost seriousness. However," he continues, "these observations are counterbalanced by exceptional physical prowess. Her trainers consistently lauded her remarkable speed and fast reflexes. While raw strength may not be her most pronounced attribute," he acknowledges, "she possesses great level of stamina, allowing her to sustain peak performance during extended engagements. Perhaps the most intriguing aspect of Ms. Reader's profile," he continues, his voice dropping to a murmur, "is a certain… philosophical detachment. Her instructors noted a distinct apathy towards life and a somewhat unsettling acceptance of the ever present threat of death. This, coupled with her relentless pursuit of objectives, keen observational skills, and unwavering focus, are also nited." He takes a deep breath, his gaze meeting Levi's with unwavering intensity. "However," he adds, his voice hardening slightly, "the report also mentions a certain… inflated sense of self worth. While not overtly arrogant, Ms. Reader appears to possess a healthy dose of pride, perhaps even bordering on egotism. This, Captain, is a trait that may require careful management." A wry smile tugs at the corner of Erwin's lips as he continues, his voice regaining its formal tone. "The report concludes with a rather… unexpected observation. While Ms. Reader presents a demure and innocent facade, it appears her instructors harbored suspicions of a more… unconventional private life. Apparently, rumors circulated amongst her peers regarding a surprising number of casual sexual encounters. These suspicions, however, remain unsubstantiated." He leans back in his chair, a hint of amusement dancing in his eyes.

Levi lets out a frustrated groan, his arm rising to shield his eyes as he leans back in the chair. "That last bit of information was entirely unnecessary," he mutters, the irritation evident in his voice. The woman's sexual history is the least of his concerns. The idea of being reduced to a mere breeding stallion, especially with a woman seemingly chosen for her 'reproductive capabilities', is enough to make him clench his fists in silent fury.

Erwin flips open a file, revealing a stark portrait. Charcoal against faded paper, it captures a woman Levi does recognize. Her features are fine, delicate even, but her eyes hold a story the sketch can not quite tell.

Short, dark hair frames a face devoid of the hero worship he expected. No doe eyed wonder, no simpering smile. Instead, a quiet resignation stares back at him, a flicker of something that looks suspiciously like… despair.

Levi studies the portrait. This woman is not what he pictured. None of this is. No wide eyed cadets, no government sanctioned brood mares.

Just this quiet woman, a portrait of quiet indifference that edges dangerously close to… despair.

"This is her?" He finally manages, hua voice low and even.

"Indeed, Captain," Erwin replies. "Meet Letta Reader."

More like meet your… procreation partner, courtesy of Dhalis' twisted machinations.

Levi's gaze remains fixed on the portrait, dissecting her features line by line. Soft cheeks contrasted by a defined jawline, a hint of defiance beneath the resignation. There is an undeniable beauty there, a quiet strength that seems at odds with the defeat in her eyes.

The thought of being strong armed into this… procreative charade with her leaves a bitter taste in his mouth. A branded criminal, no less. Especially when the whole charade seems orchestrated by the ever manipulative Dhalis. This feels like a cage, another way to leash him and control the strongest soldier humanity has.

But a different kind of cage. This one does not feel like bars and locks, but like obligations and expectations.

A different kind of burden, but a burden nonetheless.

Maybe Dhalis is not the only one playing games here. Erwin, with his secrets and desperation – is he the warden of this particular cage, or another prisoner himself?

"You'll be meeting with this… (F/N) (L/N) tomorrow," Erwin announces, flipping the file shut. "Dhalis will be there, of course, along with Pixis, Dawk, and myself. I'll also inform Hange, if you have no objections."

Levi scoffs, raising a skeptical eyebrow. "A meeting? This whole charade just keeps getting more bizarre with each passing minute. Are we expected to discuss baby names and nursery decor in front of a room full of overstuffed, lecherous swine?"

"The meeting is crucial," Erwin explains, a hint of exasperation tinging his voice. "You and (F/N) will have the opportunity to discuss boundaries, parental rights, and expectations. There will also be a contract to sign, outlining the terms of this… arrangement."

Clearly, the fate of humanity hinges on Levi's ability to… procreate according to a government sanctioned contract.

Contract. The word hangs heavy in the air, a physical manifestation of the absurdity of the situation. Being issued an official order to impregnate a woman feels like a new low, even for the Survey Corps.

The whole notion is barbaric, a far cry from the strategic brilliance and deadly maneuvers Levi is accustomed to employing.

Levi's whole life, his entire being, has been poured into this damn Survey Corps.

Even after Farlan and Isabel, even after that gaping wound in his soul, he kept pushing forward.

Grief, a relentless tide, he channeled it all into this fight, this desperate struggle for humanity's survival. Erwin, the embodiment of that fight, became his guiding star.

Backing down now, kowtowing to these bureaucratic leeches, would be the ultimate betrayal. A slap in the face to every fallen comrade who entrusted Levi with their sacrifice, their shredded dreams woven into the fabric of this cause.

This… breeding program. A sickening joke, a perversion of everything he stands for. But the alternative? Letting Erwin down, letting the ghosts of his squad haunt the halls with their unfulfilled futures – that is a path he refuses to walk.

This is just another indignity, another hurdle to clear, another grotesque Titan to slay. Fine.

This is about more than him. This is about honoring the fallen, their sacrifices a flickering torch he holds aloft in this suffocating world. They died believing in a dream, a dream he refuses to let die with them. So he will clench my teeth, swallow his disgust, and play this hand they have dealt him.

[minami-ff]

Forbidden Tension

Captain Levi x Reader

Levi tried very hard to dismiss his intrusive thoughts and behaviour. He struggled whenever you were around - from feeling instinctively drawn to stealing glances at you, to the way his heart inexplicably freezes when you’d face minor attacks from titans.

The more time he spent around you, the more he grew to admire you. He noticed the way you’d express your intellectual opinion in an authoritative yet gentle manner. Your swift and delicate hands when you sewed his wounds close. Not to mention how fast you picked up combat skills with a rare talent for it.

Levi felt an emotional connection growing strongly as well. Sometimes in the quiet moments after missions when it was just the two of you, casual conversations lingered. Your laughter resonating in the air, and Levi finding himself captivated by the genuine warmth in your smile. It frustrated his righteousness and responsibility as a captain when he realised how much he looked forward to having these conversations with you. He was never one to care about what anyone thought of him, except when it came to you. He’d sometimes wonder how you perceived him… not as a captain, but as a person.

As weeks passed, training sessions became a stage for unspoken tension. When you two spar, it’s always a walk in the park for his physical strength that surpasses that of anyone else. Levi’s movements were usually steadfast and precise, but this time his eyes held a fleeting vulnerability when they suddenly met your soft gaze. You instantly realised, using the opportunity to lock his knee and throw him to the ground. With your forearm pressing against his chest and thigh pinning his down, two pairs of nervous yet eager eyes locked for perhaps a reality of 3 seconds, which felt like an hour.

Oftentimes, when his eyes would make contact with yours, his would linger... longer than necessary. Everyone knew the stoic captain’s stare to hold a chill that cuts through the warmth of any gaze. But to you, when he’d look at you, it was like a subtle dance between the fading daylight and the impending night. Truth be told, you fancied him from the moment you joined his team. But aware of the implications, you always masked your burgeoning feelings behind a façade of professionalism.

Though the captain sensed an underlying tension between the two of you, he was determined to keep the thoughts he had about you hidden. Duty remained an ever-present shadow over the internal struggle of yearning for more. So he spoke to you, and about you, only when he had to.

By your second year on the team, it became significantly noticeable to the rest of the team and a popular hearsay. One night, you entered Levi’s dimly lit quarters upon his request, eager to share your mission discoveries. As you jumped straight into discussing battle strategies, his typically rigid demeanour softened for a moment, looking downwards as he said, "Your ideas are very valuable, y/n.” An uncomfortable pause filled the air, “but I called you here today to initiate a different conversation. One that I have been wrong to keep avoiding." His eyes shifting back to yours, “one about us.”

Your eyes widened, not ready for this conversation that inevitably had to occur. The weight of unexpressed emotions hung in the air. A flicker of something more bounced off the walls in this quiet corner. Levi hesitated, fingers tracing the edge of a map as he sought the right words. Then admitted, "This life is unpredictable. We can't afford distractions." You understood the weight of his words, but your heart still dropped, knowing that the moments you yearned for were forbidden.

[amywritesthings]

silver underground. / chapter one.

Pairing: Levi Ackerman x F!Reader (Attack on Titan / Shingeki no Kyojin)

Word Count: 2.8K

Summary: They say that, before all of this, you dedicated your heart to the Scout Regiment. They say that you're respected as a soldier, trusted as a comrade, and fiercely protected by a Captain. They tell you a lot of things. You remember none of it.

Warnings: Slow Burn, Hurt/Comfort, Memory Loss, Eventual Romance, Graphic Depictions of Violence, Flashbacks, Friends to Enemies to Lovers, Nonbinary Hange Zoe, Unhinged!Levi, Other Additional Tags to be Added As the Story Progresses

( Read on AO3 )

Next Chapter. / Masterlist.

ONE.

A guttural gasp.

Ugly, brutal, forced; it's the first sound you hear with your own two ears — and you're pretty sure it's coming from your mouth.

From your chest down to your belly, your lungs fill with a deep surprise as they wretch you from nothingness to this — choked airways, freezer-burnt skin, and a splitting headache. Your fingers twitch. Your toes curl. Limb by limb, you body returns to the land of the living. Blinding sunlight invades from all angles, forcing your waking eyes to water profusely at the corners.

Every cell in your body stretches thin in the primal fight for consciousness.

You inhale once more. A pained sound emits somewhere in the back of your throat.

Up.

Get up.

Your hands tremble at your sides, working up your elbows to your shoulders, but it takes another minute for your fingers to flex on command. Determined to fight, you press your open palms to soft, starchy surfaces and push —

It hurts like a bitch.

Then the blurriness of your weeping eyes sharpen, focus, on white — sheets, bandages, gowns. The walls morph from shapeless grays blotches in your peripheral to a stark contrast of sturdy stone.

(Where the hell are you?)

Shaking to oblivion, you finally — finally — sit up. The cot beneath you creaks with protest. Sweat beads along your hairline and onto your brow.

Then an oval-esque shape separates itself from the wall, freezing you in place.

Beyond your shaken breath is a voice, caught at the edge of a tongue.

“She’s—”

You and the shape — blink twice and it's a man in a doctor’s coat — stare at one another. He sports an expression of disbelief, providing little comfort in your state. Too drained to feel the fear rolling off of him, you only mirror his confusion.

Tightening his grip on the clipboard at his chest, the man clears his throat.

His voice cracks, high pitched and lacking assertion.

“Nurse, please alert Commander Erwin and Captain Levi immediately.”

Who?

“They will wish to know at once.”

Why?

“Right away, sir.”

Are you in a hospital?

Your voice doesn’t find you in time to ask the nurse as she hurriedly exits the room, closing the heavy oak door shut behind her. 

“James.”

You swing your attention to the doctor, expecting another nurse at his side, but no one else is here. It’s just you, this cot, and a nervous balding man in a deathly quiet room.

And he’s staring at you.

Birds chirp melodically through the open windows, singing of temporary peace.

“Miss James?”

You blink twice.

“Are you—” You pause, eyes widening at the demolition of your vocal chords. Razor blades cut your voice into tiny little pieces, startling you.

It’s like you haven’t spoken in years.

“Please, Lieutenant, do be careful,” the older man cautions softly, nearing with purposeful steps. The label of authority has you opening your mouth, but no sound emits. “It’s normal to feel disoriented after such a long passage of time.”

“A long pass—” 

You swallow heavily, brows knit in discomfort, before pressing both palms into the cot. Your limbs shake violently as you force yourself to sit taller. You push with the heels of your bare feet, digging them into the mattress to your back to the wall.

The doctor hurries to your side to help, hovering as your spotter.

This is ridiculous.

Why does everything hurt?

Why does everything feel new?

Teeth clenched, you drop the back of your head against the wall and breathe through your nose. The beads of sweat forming on your forehead drip down the sides of your face from exertion. “I don’t know what — you’re implying—”

“Lieutenant—”

“I’m not a Lieutenant,” you finally force between your teeth, strong and assertive.

The man at your side stops fidgeting, and you see his jaw drop at your confession.

Frozen.

Like you’ve said the worst thing he could have heard.

.

.

.

.

Of course these brats had to use up the rest of the good cleaning solution.

The next expedition is scheduled to depart in the next forty-eight hours. Levi Ackerman doesn’t have time to stalk down the new recruits to put the fear of God in them for raiding the shelves, so he makes due with what he has.

Diligently his fingers rub the corner of a rag into the crevices of his ODM gear, laser-focused on eliminating every streak. It’s about the only thing left on his personal agenda before the Scout Regiment load up the horses and supply carts.

The Captain only pauses when he can feel a set of eyes watching the crown of his head.

Waiting.

He hates when people don’t just come out and say what’s on their mind.

The ODM unit flips between his palms to start work on the opposite side.

“Are you going to say something?” he inquires, dripping with boredom.

“Depends: am I interrupting something important?”

His hands stop.

Without moving his head, Levi’s attention flickers high to meet the stern and somber gaze of Commander Erwin. 

“Extremely important,” Levi baits, monotone. “Clearly.”

Erwin hums in acceptance.

“Nurse Phillipa spoke with me,” Erwin starts like he's going somewhere with this, but the statement stops there.

Levi’s eyes roll right into the back of his head and back onto the nearly-spotless gear.

“I’m sure it was grating as always.”

Maybe one day the worried wart would retire and return to the stables before she keels over while treating the next dumbass that gets hurt.

Wait.

A second too late, Levi realizes his sarcasm is not returned. No. Erwin says nothing at all, allowing him to connect the dots on his own. He raises his chin this time to look at the Commander, really look at him, before the slight knit in his brow dissipates.

Wordless in confirmation, Erwin nods once.

The cleaning cloth drops clear from Levi’s hand when he shoots up from the bench.

“When?” Levi demands, but it’s a loaded trick question.

(When did she wake up? When did you find out? When should I — should we — see her?)

There is something Erwin’s not saying right away, too.

“Twenty minutes ago,” replies Erwin.

Levi’s expression darkens. “That long?”

“It took Nurse Phillipa a moment to find me,” he tells him. “She tried locating you first but was unsuccessful.”

“Sounds right for her,” Levi bites, hoisting a leg over the bench to make his way around the table and past Erwin.

Almost past Erwin; he quickly steps in the smaller man’s path, brows high and expectant.

“Levi.” The Captain stops when motioned to do so, but his nostrils flare. “You cannot barge straight into the medical wing—”

“I can,” he challenges. “Easily.”

“—without hearing the preliminary report first,” Erwin finishes.

Levi’s jaw sets, staring straight through the Commander’s chest.

“I know the extent of her injuries.”

Erwin sighs heavily, deflating in his uniform-clad shoulders. The longer he waits to say anything, the thicker the air in the room becomes. 

“Physically, yes, you do.”

Levi’s blood runs cold.

“The fuck does that mean?”

.

.

.

.

“I know it, just give me a second.”

Start with the basics, the doctor suggests.

First he asks if you knew where you were.

You didn’t.

Then he asks if you recall your home town.

You can’t.

Finally, he asks something so basic that you open your mouth with confidence you should not possess:

Tell him your full name.

Your voice cuts out with a singular syllable, a vowel, until… nothing. 

Everything is a blank space on an untouched piece of paper.

Why can’t you say anything at all? These are simple questions with simple answers. You’ve known them your entire life.

Right?

“Perhaps just your first, then,” the doctor woefully suggests when you linger in silence for too long.

“I’m getting there,” you warn, low and dangerous.

“Oh— Of course, t–take your time,” he stammers.

So you do.

For two whole minutes, you marinate on the possibility of your first name. Maybe three letters? Or three syllables. Something to do with threes.

It shouldn’t be this hard.

“Is James—” It sounds foreign on your hibernating tongue. “—my last name?”

Your face falls when the doctor frowns.

The impending panic is interrupted by a sudden woosh where wood slams into stone.

The door swings wide as a short man with jet-black hair and intense gray eyes emerges from the hallway. He says nothing, staring in your direction with a purpose. He wears a tan jacket with an emblem etched to the sleeve — Scout Regiment?

Is this a military hospital?

“Captain Levi!”

You want to look at the doctor to gauge the reaction in conjunction to his relieved exclamation, but the stranger's eyes have yet to leave you.

“Doctor,” he agrees, curt in tone.

“I sent Nurse Phillipa to find you.”

“I was found.” The man remains locked at the room’s threshold. “So? Tired of sleeping yet, or are we looking at six more months of winter?”

The strange question is directed to you.

You blink with a squeeze, brow knit.

“You only look like total shit, so I guess that’s a good sign.”

Oh. So he’s rude.

“Captain—”

“Apologies for Levi’s intrusion, Doctor Rini.”

Your attention leaves the Captain long enough to acknowledge the taller man that now stands behind him. Blonde, built, and strong — he holds himself with authority and grace.

If you could take an educated guess, then this must be the Commander the doctor requested the nurse to fetch a half hour ago. He smiles plainly to you, though it’s cautious. 

Where the captain barges in, the commander handles what is in front of him with kid gloves.

“Nurse Phillipa was able to locate me in my office. I had to retrieve Captain Levi personally. Is it alright if we come in, or is she not yet lucid?”

And where Erwin remains at the door, Levi takes the first rebellious steps forward.

“She is… lucid, Commander.” An unfamiliar fear grips at your heart from the way in which Doctor Rini speaks with fragility. There’s a but coming — you can feel it.

“But?”

Apparently so does Captain Levi, who narrows his eyes their way when he speaks.

The doctor sighs in defeat and gestures his right hand to you.

“Lieutenant, state your name.”

Both Erwin and Levi turn their attention to you.

Shit.

Suddenly the world feels too small.

When you hesitate, something indistinguishable flickers over Levi’s face.

“...you originally stated she suffered a major concussion,” Erwin says.

“Yes, I did,” the doctor agrees. His hand drops to fidget with his other, “and I also stated on the report that the probability of temporary to permanent post-traumatic memory damage was high.”

“In other words, sustained amnesia.”

Erwin is the one to deliver the blow to the room. Your chin dips to stare at your own hands that have been bandaged and re-bandaged again and again. The glue from the wraps have left sticky trails on your skin.

Memory loss.

Where you are, where you’re from—

Your own damn name.

“It never said anything about permanent,” Captain Levi argues under his breath. He stalks towards your bed, shrugging off Erwin’s hand in the process. His slender fingers catch on the back of a visitor’s chair, dragging it carelessly with him.

Until he’s face to face with you.

This man, this captain, has immense bags under his eyes. Sunken sockets, like he’s never slept peacefully for a single day in his life. Everything about him is unnervingly calm, as if he’s one bowstring pluck away from an explosion.

Theatrically he sits down at the side of your cot, legs spread and forearms pressed to the tops of his thighs so he can lean forward.

“Where are we?” he interrogates.

“Levi,” Erwin warns, but he ignores it.

“Answer the question.”

You run your tongue along the seam of your lips. “I don’t know.”

“You do know.”

“I don’t.”

“Where — are — we?”

“Stohess District?” you guess, and his jaw sets.

“Try again, dumbass.”

You can’t hide the surprise on your face from his crude name calling. “Excuse me?”

“Levi,” Erwin warns again, this time stronger.

Levi doesn’t let up. “What is this building called?”

“I said I don’t know.”

“Do you know what titans are?” he asks instead, cocking his chin.

Frustrated, you ball your hands into fists. “Of course I know what the fuck titans are.”

“Good,” Levi says without skipping a beat. “And do you know what the Survey Corps is?”

“Yes,” you answer, exasperated. “Why does this matter?”

“Do you know where you’re from?”

This was one of the doctor’s questions before Levi came bursting through the door. You stare the blank-faced man down, determined to answer — but nothing comes to mind. Nothing substantial, anyway.

Just a feeling: dampness surrounded by darkness.

“I don’t,” you resign.

“You do,” he argues. “You just aren’t trying hard enough.”

“I am trying, asshole,” you hiss. 

At that, Erwin takes an authoritative step forward. “Levi, that’s enough.”

Levi considers this heeded warning for only a beat.

“So that’s it, then, huh?” Levi starts instead, icy calm. “You’re going to lay down and happily take being a nameless has-been after being stuck in a coma for months?”

“It’s been months?” you yelp, deciding to instead direct your question towards Erwin.

If the commander feels any sort of way about your condition, then he’s chosen to swallow those emotions to his belly. He sports a neutral expression (opting out of a good cop performance to Levi’s bad cop) so you push to communicate with him instead.

“I’m sorry, but none of this makes any sense. Did I do something wrong to a Scout or something?”

Commander Erwin closes his eyes once his index finger and thumb touch his chin in contemplation. Slowly he inhales, debating his choice of words. 

Levi, for the first time since his arrival, says nothing.

“I know this must be very difficult for you,” Erwin begins, “but please know we will do everything in our power to make you feel as comfortable as we can. However, I must ask: do you truly remember nothing about your accident?”

“No.”

“Not even an object, a phrase… a name?”

(Fuck, this emphasis on fucking names.)

“I think I’d remember the name of this piece of shit.” It takes a moment to realize it’s your voice blurting unfounded venom towards the captain, who remains seated staring intently at you. You sigh heavily, frustration climbing. “I’m sorry, but no. I’m sorry I can’t be of much help. It… Doctor Rini told me my last name was James.”

You wince hearing the name with your own voice again.

The jagged puzzle piece continues to not fit the three mens’ narratives.

“What he tells you is true,” Erwin confirms gently. “It is James.”

Your next words come out faster than anticipated; a straight-from-the-brain thought at the tip of your tongue. “It doesn’t feel like my last name is James—”

The chair scrapes along the floor. 

Abruptly, Captain Levi rises to his feet and turns towards the medical wing entrance.

“This is a waste of time,” he mumbles to Erwin, head bent.

A swirl of emotions hit you like a swift punch to the gut. You physically move with it, jerking like you’re about to vomit.

‘Fuck this.’

A voice echoes in the back of your skull, creating a fuzzy feeling along the nerve endings of your arms. Although you cannot see or dream it, you hear it: like a whisper in the wind curling from the open window.

‘I’m going whether you want me to or not.’

It’s your voice but stronger. Certain. Angry.

Angry about what?

‘This is a waste of time.’

—but that voice isn’t yours.

Before you realize what you’re saying, you call out to the departing captain:

“You're always so quick to walk the fuck away."

Instantly the sound of his steps cease against the floor.

The room falls silent, deathly so, and your widening eyes meet the back of his beige jacket. The Scout Regiment emblem glistens in the protruding sunlight. Levi waits with his back to you, chin bowed to his chest.

Are you hallucinating his voice in your head?

Why were you so compelled to say something to him?

Your empty stomach churns.

"...I didn't mean to say that," you whisper. "I don't know why I said that, sir, forgive me."

Without another word — without looking back — Levi exits the room.

Commander Erwin watches the shorter man depart, waiting a beat, before walking out after him.

In the event of their leave, the doctor takes the opportunity to rush to your side. His fingers gently press into a pulse point, observing your heart rate.

You’re sure it’s spiked, but you can’t stop staring at the open door frame.

You don’t know him.

You don’t know either of them.

Right?

Author's Note: Some disclaimers - I am an AOT baby earning her lore degree bc I just binged AOT for the first time last month and have been writing this story like a fiend ever since. I haven't read the manga, so forgive me if I get details wrong. This story is in 2nd Person POV i.e. 'you', but the reader has a last name the characters reference often.

Also I only just found out that the AOT2 game calls Levi 'Lieutenant', which is hilarious and I'll be putting my own spin on that later. This is just my little passion fixation project, so I hope you enjoy reading as much as I'm enjoying writing it! There is no set update schedule at this current time.

[endlesspillowtalk]

i'd love a levi x reader fic set in canonverse where reader is not just a cadet but someone that has as much authority as levi, or even better, where she has a higher rank, idk, the background of their interactions would be something interesting to see & it'd be so cool to explore another dynamic between levi and reader than just "captain levi x cadet reader" "subordinate and superior fall for each other" "complicated relationship/forbidden love between captain and cadet" typa thing..

idk just wanted to put this idea out there if someone would like to consider it and get inspired and do god's work because i can't write to save my life 😭

[levis-coffeecup]

chapter 29| Turning Page

WC-6.5k

Summary

The underground is filthy and dark. Dim lights, dull alleys, and desperate hearts. A place Levi knows as well as the back of his hand, and a place he would do anything to get out of.

Chapters of life roll by and with the turn of a page, things drastically change. In front of him is the opportunity to live on the surface. And the flimsy bridge that he has to cross. From an uncivil criminal to a disciplined soldier.

But life on the surface seems tougher amidst all the mockery, civilities, and the gaping hole left in his heart, after the demise of his dear friends Isabel and Farlan.

Content/Warnings

canon- compliant, canon-typical violence, spoilers for No Regrets OVA, descriptions of PTSD, grief, depression, heavy angst and themes, strong language, self-hate, physical assault.

Author’s Note

OMG hiii guysss!

Can't believe that this is the last chapter!! There's so much gratitude in my heart right now. This has been a long long (irregular🤡) ride, and I'm grateful to everyone who's sticked around!

I've tried my best to write an amazing chapter since its the last, which is why this got so delayed. (And I might also have been overworked to the core at work lol ) But there's going to be a long ass note at the the end of the chapter about everything!

Song for the final chapter is by Turning Page by Sleeping at Last!

I hope you enjoy it as much as I've enjoyed writing it.

Chapters

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23

Masterlist | Playlist | Other Works

APRIL 857

It’s an hour past 12, and Levi sits on his balcony looking at the midnight sky.

The thick veil of pollution prevents the stars from being visible. Instead there's street lights and high beams from cars, twinkling on the ground.

He misses the stars from Paradis. It was the first thing he fell in love with once he came to the surface. And he wonders, whether Mae is looking at the stars and thinking of him as well?

The world outside the walls is beautiful.

There are soaring cathedrals that almost reach the sky, and beautiful temples with the most intricate architecture. There’s snow capped mountains and beautiful cherry blossoms. And everyday, from his tiny balcony, he gets to see the sun sink below the sharp silhouette of the towers.

He’s getting to experience the world his comrades died for.

But as beautiful the outside world is, it isn’t home

The development of technology seems unfamiliar. And the people around him haven’t lived their entire lives caged in fear. These people don’t know the cost of freedom.

It has been so long since he’s been back home.

It’s been so long since the Rumbling too.

The earth was left razen. Mountains crumbled to dust and forests burnt to ashes. Countries had simply been wiped off the face of the earth. Years of civilization and developmentsnuffed out in an instant, with no one to record their names.

But against the odds, humanity managed to survive. Traumatized and beaten, but still alive.

Miraculously Levi made it too.

Jean and Connie found him half dead, on the foot of Fort Salta. He was lapsing in and out of consciousness. Devoid of the strength to even stand up.

Tents were made into makeshift hospitals, food was meager. And his first few months were spent on a wooden cot,bed ridden with the stinging pain of his knee and his yearning for Mae.

He yearned to see her when he was trapped with Zeke for a month, he yearned to see her when he woke up with searing pain and bandages all over his face. And now the war was over, but he couldn’t get back to her.

The Rumbling destroyed everything humanity had ever strived for. Rail tracks, roads, ports, farms… everything was abolished as an aftermath.

It was impossible to get to the other side of the world.

Gradually Levi recovered, it took him almost a year. But his strength never returned. The tiniest task would turn him breathless, and the sight in his right eye was gone for good.

The doctors diagnosed him a plethora of health problems. And he was never allowed to look weak, but now he was in a wheelchair, needing help to pick things up from the floor. Life dealt him one blow after another.

Armin, Jean and Connie became busy, making peace with the remaining nations. Mikasa never returned. And Levi found himself, all alone. With a chaotic mind, and too much time on his hands.

Soon the Allied Nations rescued all the survivors from the Titan Waste Lands. Marley was no more, so most refugees ended up taking asylum in Hizuru.

And by the courtesy of Kiyomi Azumabito, Levi was gifted an apartment in the center of the city hall, and citizenship. A tiny apartment in between a lush square, in the city center.

It was tiny, but homely enough. And he would love sitting on the balcony and watching the outside world.

Life got more comfortable and Levi got to see the sights his comrades died for.

But there were still days where he barely had enough strength to pick his remaining fingers. Those days were the worst. And he felt like the walls of his apartment would swallow him up.

The purpose of his life was over. Hange was gone. Erwin was gone. Life came crashing down.

And sometimes, under the flicker of a candlelight, at his tiny desk, he would close his eyes, and imagine that he’s back in Mae’s old house. Learning the alphabet, listening to the soft scratches of her pen as she corrected his writings. It seemed like lifetimes had passed since then.

Mae was always with him, through all his hurdles he faced on the surface. And now he had to face an awfully big one, without her.

So he decided he’ll start to learn writing again. With two fingers of his right hand gone, he had to re-learn how to hold a pen again. He told Onyaknapon to get him books, so he could trace over letters, trying to perfect every curve. Just the way Mae had taught him.

It gave him a sense of purpose, and it also made him feel close to her in some way.

It took three years for the Yeagerists to finally agree to a cordial discussion with the Alliance. Historia sent letters to everyone. And this morning the Alliance left, back to their hometown.

Armin did extend an invitation to him too. But Levi didn’t want to be associated with the world anymore. He didn’t have the strength for it nor the will. His job was done.

“Captain,” A voice pulls him out of his thoughts. Behind him is a sliding door that leads to his room. And on the bed sits Onyakapon.

He points at the three thick journals that take up most of his space in his briefcase.“Are you sure you want to take these back?”

And Levi contemplates. Paper doesn’t spoil, and he should rather carry some spare clothes to keep himself clean.

“Leave the journals there.” His voice comes out gruff, and then it turns wispy. Everything he’s ever felt in these years without her and his limbs, is penned in these flimsy sheets of paper.

“It’s letters I have written to her.” There is no need to clarify. There’s no need to carry his journals all the way back either. But he does it either way. The war has changed him. And Levi realises he doesn’t have to torture himself anymore.

“I’m surprised you never got her to meet us.” Onyakapon smirks. He could have never guessed the captain had a lover.

And a faint smile appears on Levi’s lips as the curve of her smile plays on his mind. He wonders if she found the pearl ring and his letter. He never found the courage to directly hand it to her.

It’s been three years. Three long painful years. Perhaps, she’s forgotten all about him.

“Tch, as if I’ll let you filths near her.” He brushes his feelings off. Masking his thoughts with harsher words. Some things truly never change.

A flight passes over his head, he’ll probably sit in the next one.

“I hope everything is safe out there, hope there’s no hostility.” Onyakapon mumbles as he closes the briefcase.

And Levi gets off from his wheelchair, limping towards his bedpost. “No harm from a guy in a wheelchair.” He tries to joke, but there’s a prick in his heart.

He can’t pick things from the shelf. Some Days he also needed help to get to the toilet. And even though he’s returning back to Mae, there’s nothing he can do for her now.

And while happiness was never a part of his destiny. He hopes she’s happy. At least one of them must be.

“Well if things are bad, you can always come back here captain.” Onyakapon’s voice cuts through the constant torture of his thoughts.

The words bring him enough solace to take him through the night. A rare smile tugs on his lips. “Thanks Onyakapon.”

It’s going to be a long trip.

_________________________

It’s 10 am, and it’s sweltering hot in Mitras. Sweat clings to Levi’s skin, and he wipes it off with the back of his hand.

His briefcase sits on his lap. And he pushes his wheelchair through the dirt road,

Vast meadows stretch in front of him. The air is fresh, and a plethora of apple trees border the sides of the road. Its shade is very welcome in the sun.

Farmhouses are scattered at a distance, crops grow in structured rows. And Levi taps his heel, as he moves past them mindlessly. His thoughts are only set on one.

Historia told him Mae’s house was at the end of the apple plantation. Luckily the terrain is flat, and he’s able to maneuver his wheelchair with ease.

Nonetheless, it’s been a tiring ride.

The royal guards did offer to escort him to Mae’s house, but he declined the offer. The moment approaching was too personal to share with a bunch of strangers.

Soon, what he’s searching for comes to vision, and eagerly he moves forward.

100 meters away from him, down the mud path, is a humble home. Its stone walls are smooth, worn out by time. And the roof is thatched with wood and straws.

There’s a small garden at the front, with saplings that are beginning to sprout. And a few meters away from it all is a park. The sight of which bubbles a bittersweet feeling in Levi's chest.

“This is it.” He exhales, cherishing the cold air on his lips. It’s a breath that he’s been holding in for too long. A yearning that has been living in his heart for years now.

His mind jogs back to a small trip they took 5 years back, on Mae’s birthday. She had booked a small cabin nestled in the middle of farmland.

He still remembers the smile on her face, and the way her eyes crinkled in the sunlight.

Her hair flowed in the wind, and he thoughtlessly followed it. Too enamored by the happiness she radiated.

The birds sang, and the lillies seemed to beam.

Stories were told by the fireplace, and they would stargaze from the flower field. Cuddling under the sheets of the stiff bed, and eating lunch under a tree's shade.

She laughed, then he smiled. And for a fleeting moment, Levi had escaped from all his responsibilities.

He realized he could spend his entire life this way, under the shadow of the sun, and the warmth of their love. He couldn’t care less about saving the world, or his tea shop even…

He just wanted to be here with her.

Forever.

But time stopped for no one. And Levi’s prayers had a habit of going unheard.

And now, 5 years later, life has brought him here again. In a secluded countryside so full of beauty and peace, and so unlike him.

This is the kind of life Mae had always wanted to live. Away from the bustle of the city, where she could spend countless hours looking at the stars.

The door to her house softly clicks. And Levi leans forward, with his breath caught in his throat.

He has felt her caress in the warmth of the sunlight. He’s heard the faint echo of her laughter in the rustling of the leaves. Every breath, every movement, was just in the hopes that he’d get to see her again.

Seasons passed by like shadows, and now finally he’s finally here, moments away from her. The journey has been staggeringly hard.

Time passes at a lumbering pace, and Levi feels like he can almost hear the creaking of the door, as it gets swinged open.

Out steps a man with a basket in his hand. He’s well built and tall, and donned in a casual attire.

And Levi’s heart drops to the floor as a sickening feeling of jealousy takes over. All of a sudden the blood is thunderous in his ears.

He feels like he can’t breathe And his heart burns at the thought that her gentle smile turns to a man who isn’t him.

A moment later, a toddler comes out, chasing behind the man.

And Levi clutches the sides of his wheelchair so tight, that his knuckles turn white.

Fuck

He feels like he’ll vomit.

Like salt to his wounds, the man picks up the child. And she smiles so bright, he can see her sweet giggle, even though it's barely audible in the distance.

The man kisses the toddler’s cheeks, and takes her to the park. And Levi watches the scene with a sting in his eye.

He was her lover once but now he's a mere bystander. A powerless man who can do nothing but just watch. The realization is like a punch to his gut, and a bittersweet memory comes to Levi’s mind.

On their last night in the cabin, he told Mae he didn’t have the time to get her a birthday present. And then she shed a silent tear, telling him how she felt like she’s carrying the entire relationship.

It wasn’t too far from the truth. He had too much on his mind as a soldier. And life was not easy when the weight of humanity rested on your shoulder. Some days he didn’t even have the time to think of her.

And Levi knew he was being selfish by keeping her chained to him, but his heart didn’t know a way of living without her.

He asked what he could do to make it up to her, and she asked him to run away to a peaceful place.

All she had ever wanted was to stay next to him.

The decision was clear in his head then, but now he wonders if he should have just eloped with her… It's not like all the wars he’s fought have turned this world into an ideal place.

The impermanence of life… It’s something that he still can’t comprehend.

What is born shall die, what has started shall end. People come and go out at their own pace. The good moments turn stale, and eventually everyone ends up alone, with only memories to comfort them. Time is truly a fickle piece of shit.

The man places the toddler on the swing, before he heads the other way. And Levi gets consumed by his thoughts.

He had people who he once held close too. Erwin, Hange, Isabel, Farlan. But they left.

He wasn’t prepared for their deaths, but somehow he made his peace with it.

But he's not ready to let Mae go yet.

Not when her name is etched in the depths of his heart. Not when her thoughts have troubled him day and night. His heart yearns for her so deep, it doesn’t know another way of living.

It was supposed to be his kid, she was supposed to be his wife. He wanted to start his tea shop too. Life just had some other plans after all.

There were days when he didn’t have the strength to get out of his makeshift bed, there were days where his injuries hurt so much, he thought he’d prefer death over the pain of living like this. But he pushed and pushed.

Because at the end of this tunnel, he saw her.

The sweet end of his tiresome journey, The reward for his unyielding perseverance. His home after years of loneliness.

But it’s been three years now. And she’s not his anymore.

A part of him wants to throttle this man, for laying his hands on her. And a part of him wants to hate on her too. But it isn’t her fault as well.

His heart has been placed in the palm of her hand for far too long. And if she decides to break it, then he’ll just have to disseminate.

He guesses he’ll just have to live with the weight of being all alone.

The silence consumes,

And Levi taps his heel in frustration.

Time passes by painfully slowly. And one minute turns into fifteen.

The man and toddler are long gone now, but Levi still continues to bleed on the edge of his seat. He continues to sweat in the heat. Too nervous to move forward, yet too regretful to turn away.

Old habits die hard, he guesses.

The strength to move forward wanes from his body and every breath he takes only shatters his composure into pieces. He never thought he’d have to taste defeat, after winning over the entire world.

There’s some shuffling in the woods, and he swivels around aghast. His reflexes are not as sharp as he used to be. And he’s too exhausted to put on the act of a stone cold person.

He tries honing on the sound of movement but what use would that even be?

Back in the day he had the strength to beat any person to a pulp. But now with his crippled leg, he’s more of a burden, than a lover.

His hands trace back to his scars, a habit he has recently developed. And insecurity floods his mind.

He feels stupid pondering over something as trivial as his appearance. He wouldn’t even pay it a thought when he was in the Survey Corps. But he’s on the way to meet the love of his life and there’s these scars on his face that make him look fucking hideous.

The pit he's falling into is not unfamiliar. It’s something that bothers him everytime he looks into the mirror.

And in the haze of his insecurities. A sweet voice finds him.

“Dadd-a?”

He gasps, slowly turning towards the voice.

A little girl peeks at him from behind a tree trunk. He can’t see much of her, as she’s a few feet away, partly covered between the dense layers of trees. But he recognises her as the same child, who stepped out of Mae’s house a few moments ago.

The silence stretches, and she continues looking at him. With her eyes all wide and beaming. And Levi sighs, not knowing how to react.

He decides he doesn’t have it in him to see Mae or her happy family. He’ll just come back another day, when his heart hurts a little less.

And so he turns his wheelchair around, almost taking a U turn. But the same innocent voice stops him again.

“Dadd-a,” the girl squeals, and her tiny shoes squeak as she waddles towards him.

And Levi feels stumped, when she wraps her tiny body around his leg.

He’s always been quick to react to situations, but now he’s frozen.

He wonders why this little girl is hugging his leg, and how she’s not scared of how scary he looks with the huge scars on his face.

And as much bitterness his heart holds at the cruel turn of fate, her purity washes it away. Slowly, gently, deliberately. His features soften, and he decides the least he can do is drop her back home to safety.

He huffs, bending down to pick her up. And as he lifts her up by her armpits, his eyes are met with the same shade of silver.

Her skin is pale, papery white in complexion and her hair is the same shade of midnight black as his. Everything from the shape of her face to the shade of her lips comes from him. And there’s also a little cravat tucked inside her red polka dot dress.

“Daddaaa,” she chimes as if she recognizes him.

And a shuddered breath escapes his lips. Her smile… It comes from Mae.

She is his. Theirs. A part of him and a part of Mae.

And Levi has faced strong emotions before. He’s had his stomach churn with anxiety, and he’s had his heart overrun with grief and loss. He’s always anticipated all the things that could happen in his future, trudged every moment with caution. But no amount of preparedness could prepare him for the moment in front of him.

His hands tremble, as he puts her down on the floor. He’s a father now… he’s been a father for the past 3 years. It's too much to process. And his heart beats so fast in his chest, he’s afraid it will break out of his ribs.

“Lilly, Lilly,” A familiar voice cuts through the moment and his heart skips a beat.

“How many times have I told you not to-” Mae steps out of the trees, panting and worried. But the sight in front of her makes the words on her tongue scurry away.

Levi is a few meters away from her, in a wheelchair with 2 long scars running down his face, just the way the Queen had foreseen in the paths.

Everyday, she has stared at this road for countless hours, waiting for him to show up. It feels like she’s waited a lifetime to see him again.

The years of separation pass by her eyes.

Countless nights were spent crying into his shirt and every breath felt like a burden.

Everyone was ecstatic about the liberation of their island. And Mae was condemned to be alone, with her dwindling will to live.

Then she met Samuel and Claus, the soldiers who showed empathy to her, in a world that had become too hostile for anyone who supported the alliance.

They took her to the Queen, and the Queen recognised her instantly, as the doctor who helped when Trost was breached.

And as a Survey Corps Soldier who was once a part of the Levi’s squad, the Queen made it her mission to protect and provide for the ones who were close to the Alliance.

That’s when Mae moved into the peaceful countryside, with Jean and Connie’s mom.

Living with people who dealt with the same grief surely gave some solace, but life was still painful. And in the midst of her pain, like a beam of light into stark darkness, her baby came into this world.

And Mae never thought she’d get to see Levi’s eyes again, but they were right in front of her. Resting so peacefully against her chest.

That night she cried tears of gratitude. Life crashed into her as peacefully as it could.

“Mama mama, dadd-a has come back,” Her daughter squeals, with her tiny finger pointing towards Levi. Her grasp on her leg is still tight, and her eyes sparkle with joy.

And Mae tries to smile, but it gets dissolved in the trail of her tears.

This moment has haunted her every second, wrecked her entire being. And as she steps closer to the dream of Levi she’s had, every night since she was pregnant, the details of him come to life.

Her eyes follow the strong curve of his jaw, chiseled as if it has been carved by an artist. The ridge of his nose is sharp as always and his thin eyebrows are slightly disheveled.

She caresses him with her gaze, before her touch can even come close.

Two different Levi’s look back at her now. On the left, his face is marred, with two long scars running down his face. He is hurt and hidden away. And she can never see him through his cloudy iris.

But in his other eye, there are flecks of hope. The black of his pupil has expanded, and his iris shines blue in the sunrays. He wears his heart on his sleeve, Mae swears she has never seen him this vulnerable before.

And she might have lived without him for 3 years, but he has lived inside her every second, in her every thought. Her hand extends towards him out of deprivation.

Life hasn’t been the kindest to her.

But when the pads of her fingers reach the hollow of his cheek, her heart steadies itself. Whenever her eyes met his orbs , her ears met his voice, and her body met his touch. His familiarity always envelopes her. As if the hearth of a warm house, always welcoming and open.

Her hands reach to his lips, the shape of which she can trace on paper, even with her eyes shut close.

And Levi closes his eyes in alleviation.

There’s a search for words. Words for the longing, words for the separation.

And Mae shudders, as the pads of her fingers skim over his skin. They trace over his scars, the old and the new. From the top of his forehead, down to the edge of his chin. From the curve of his necks down the length of his arms.

Three years have passed by, but his features are still as strong.

Her caress reaches the end of his arm, and her fingers find the indents of his knuckles. Gingerly she takes his palm into hers,

And Levi is quick to wrap the 3 fingers that remain on his hand, around her.

Her touch feels both foreign and achingly familiar. He has craved this so much.

Mae’s eyes widen at the gesture, heavy with tears. And she kisses the spot where his 2 fingers once used to be. Levi is as real as ever, she can feel every divot of his skin against her lips.

The realization breaks her, and she drops to the floor. With her head on his lap, and her arms sprawled all over his thighs.

There’s disbelief, there’s elation. The feeling can never be put into words. Her shoulders wilt, heavy with the pain of separation, and she cries into his lap.

“I missed you… You weren’t there.” Her voice is muffled against his skin. “I thought I’d never see you again.” Her sobs pierce through the quiet of the farmland.

And he stares wide eyed, biting back his tears as well.

The pain she has carried with her all these years, is right in front of him. Laced into the heavy sobs that rake through her frame.

And Levi knows he should pick her up and kiss the shit of her, but he’s frozen. For his gaze is stuck on the familiar pearl ring that rests on her ring finger.

Words fail him, and his heart spasms in his chest. “D-did y-you ? He can only stutter, as his touch lingers over the pearl. ”A-after all this time?”

The question hangs in the air, but the answer is right in front of him. In the grief that occupies her heart, in the love that still brims in her eyes. And in the tiny girl who looks exactly like him.

It feels like all the sacrifices he’s made in life have finally come to fruition. His directionless quest has finally found its destination. His exhausted soul has found its shelter.

There’s such mercy in this moment, all he can do is shudder and let out an exhale. Maybe in exhaustion, maybe in fulfillment.

And Mae looks up at him, her eyes tinged red with tears. “I was only going to wait one more year, good that you came back in time.”

He puts his hand on her head, and her body trembles beneath his touch. All the grief she has held onto for so long, slows paroles in the form of her tears.

The scene is as heartbreaking, as it is rewarding.

“Ma-ma,” Lilly babbles, her voice as bright as sunlight cutting through storm clouds. And Levi looks at her as she tries to fit herself in the space between Mae’s hunched frame and his legs.

She settles into Mae’s lap, and Mae is forced to look into her eyes full of wonder.

“Mama…” she coos, and her tiny hands wipe the fat tears that roll down Mae’s face.” Dad-da’s back, don-t be sad.”

And Mae smiles at that, certainly she takes a lot from her father.

“You’re right, my love…let’s take Dada home shall we?” Her voice turns gentler, and she gets up with Lily in her arms.

“Levi?” Mae questions, gesturing towards his lap.

And Levi hesitates, a little too afraid that he’s too scary for the delicate human being.

“You’ll be a great father, don’t worry.”

The second time he looks at her, he knows he’s doomed. Her cheeks are round and full, as if there’s food stuffed inside them. And her eyes are just like his, but there’s a brightness in them that he never had.

She settles on his lap. And as he wraps his arms around her waist, she places her tiny palms on his scarred forearms. And Levi realizes there is nothing he wouldn’t do for this tiny person that he’s just met a few moments ago.

His heart feels full of love.

Mae starts pushing his wheelchair forward. And he closes his eyes, as he feels the wind against his face. It’s a moment that makes him feel grateful to be alive.

In a span of a few minutes, they’re already outside the veranda to her house. And Levi can smell the Lavender she has planted in the front garden.

“It’s not a big house but it’s enough. I stay here with Jean and Connie’s mom… Luckily for us though, they’ve gone to Trost for a bit.” Mae speaks, as she picks Lily from Levi’s lap, and places her inside the house.

“It’s a very sweet place though. All the farmers staying around often visit. It’s like a big family. Borris was here too, half an hour back. You might have seen him…he wanted to take some cookies for his son.”

“Ahh,’ Levi drawls, as if he didn’t spend fifteen minutes hating on that man. “I don’t think I saw him.”

She takes his briefcase in one hand, and hooks her other arm around his waist. Slowly helping him up the short flight of stairs. And he wants to do nothing, but melt in her embrace

“I can walk for a few minutes.” Her murmurs, almost embarrassed.

“You’re not walking anywhere until I check your leg myself.” She reprimands, but the softness in her eyes contradicts her strict tone.

As it turns out, Mae’s house is very much a home.

The interior is simple and modest. There’s a couch, two wooden chairs and a table in the front room. The wooden floor creaks as he steps in. And the walls are filled with the crayon marks.

“I’ll get your wheelchair inside.” Mae mumbles as she seats Levi on the couch.

And when Mae comes back in again, Lilly has already managed to climb on the couch. She’s standing on Levi’s lap with her hands on his cheeks. The faintest of smiles plays on Levi’s lips, and he holds her by the waist, making sure she doesn’t lose balance.

The sight makes Mae’s heart swell. Her entire world is now in front of her. Her heart feels so full and so heavy at the same time. And her eyes turn misty again.

“Oi oi, don’t start with all the crying again?” Levi mutters as he notices her standing by the door.

And Mae sniffs, overwhelmed. “I’ll make you some tea?”

“Yaa- Da-dda love teaaa.” Lilly squeals, before Levi can even respond to Mae.

And Mae smiles. Her family is finally complete... a few years back she would have never believed she’d get the privilege of experiencing this.

And just as she’s about to turn towards the kitchen, Levi stops her.

“Mae…” His voice drawls, and he pats the spot next to him. “Tea can wait.”

_________________________

The world outside fades into a quiet hum as the bustle of the morning stretches into the lull of the afternoon.

The sun has draped itself over the earth, like a soft blanket. And Levi rests on the bed. He’s just finished his lunch, and he allows himself to sink into the mattress.

Time seems to have been caught in the gentle sway of the trees, and Levi takes his sweet time looking at the things around him.

Lily's soft toys are stacked on top of the cupboard. And there's a wooden cabinet, filled with all of Mae's favorite books.

The curtains are made of colorful crocheted patchwork. And somehow Mae has managed to bring most of her things from her house in Trost here.

But it's not just that. Levi's stuff is here too.

There’s a cupboard next to Mae with his clothes folded and organized just the way he likes it. His favorite novels and teacups are kept in a separate cabinet. And right in front of the bed, there's a wall with paintings of the three of them together.

It feels like nothing has changed, like he was never away.

And everytime he closes his eyes, his heart begins to race. But for the first time, the adrenaline that flows through him isn’t nerve-racking. It feels exciting

The curtains above his head billow softly with the wind. A mild breeze enters the bedroom and Levi tilts his face to bask in its warmth.

His whole world now lies in his arms. Snoring peacefully, with her hand wrapped around his finger. She's so tiny, that all of her body fits on his torso.

And he lets out a sigh as he feels the subtle rise of her tiny chest against his own.

“Are you not able to sleep, because all of a sudden there’s a child on your chest, and you don’t know where she came from?” Mae steps into the room, quietly shutting the door behind her.

“I can clearly tell where she comes from.” Levi comments as he looks at his dear daughter. “Is this why you were crying so much the day I was leaving for Marley?”

“Mhmm… “ Mae nods, as she rests her back against the door. And Levi closes his eyes, listening to her voice.

“You had to save the world Levi, you had to give it your all. And you would have died hating yourself if you knew you had a child coming into the world, that you weren’t going to be there for… As much as I was dying to tell you about my pregnancy, I thought it was best to keep it from you…” It’s an uncomfortable topic that defines the rest of their future, Mae’s eyes fall to the ground.

If only she would look up, she would see Levi with the faintest of smiles, thinking of how he can actually see her instead of imagining her.

“I know a child was never something you wanted… So I understand how complicated this situation can be for you.” Mae goes on and Levi lays still with his eyes shut in contentment, hoping for time to slow down.

“What?” She gasps, finally looking up at him. “Say something? I’ll never know how you’re feeling if you don’t tell me about it.”

Finally his eyes flutter open, and he looks at her through the curtain of his lashes. A faint smile plays on his lips, and his cheeks turn pink as he stretches out his other hand towards her. “Come here.”

In an instant, her features soften, turning into one of relief. And she smiles as makes her way to him.

She rests her head on his shoulder.And he drinks in every detail. As if he’s a parched man, dying of thirst. His heart pounds in his chest, and then his gaze falls towards her lips.

It doesn’t take too long for their lips to fuse together. It’s a simple kiss, but it’s been years.

They part in bliss.

And Levi brings her hands to his lips, pressing a doting kiss on her skin. She’s his to keep, his to salvage.He can’t put his gratitude into words.

“Thank you.” His voice is heavy. “ I-I…” He wants to tell her how happy he is to be next to her. He wants to tell her how exhausting it was without her. And that he can’t believe she’s all his. He wants to tell her about all the letters he’s written to her. But his heart is lodged so deep in his throat that he can’t squeak out the words he desperately wants to say.

“Rest my love.” She keeps her thumb on his lip, tracing his bottom lip. “We have time.”

His eyes flutter shut at her words, and her hand reaches to the top of his head. She starts combing out the hair that falls on his forehead.

His old scars have faded, almost blending into his skin. And the hard muscles on his chest have been replaced with soft dimpled skin. The lines in the corner of her eyes run deep.

He’s softer now. Marked by age, but just as beautiful.

Her finger traces down his cheek, following the scar that runs across his face. The feeling of his skin dipping under her fingers almost feels overwhelming.

“Levi,” she calls, caressing the side of his face. And he responds by leaning into her touch.

“I can’t believe you’re real,” She murmurs.

The silence is blissful.

And Levi feels his heart flutter, just like it did when she held his hand for the first time.

“Mae…” his voice trails off and he gulps. “How did Lily recognise me?... It feels like she knows so much about me?”

And Mae tilts her head up. “She’s heard stories about you ever since she was in my womb, of course she knows a lot about you… We even got someone to draw a portrait of you last year, because she wanted to see you for her birthday.”

“She thinks you’re some kind of hero Levi.” Mae yawns, “A few months back, she was trying to eat food by herself, and she ended up making a mess… which was fine because she was just learning, but she started crying frantically, and I asked her what happened? She said Dada wouldn’t like her, because she made a mess and Dada hates messes.”

Mae’s eyes trail to the way her daughter sleeps, with her cheek squished against Levi’s chest, and her eyes are shut close in peace. “She thinks you’re some kind of hero.”

And Levi remains silent. Afraid the words will ruin the tender moment.

It might seem like he’s dozed off, but the pink crawling on his cheek tells otherwise.

And Mae looks at him with the softest of smiles. For the first time in a long while, her heart feels complete.

“Actually she is right… you are a hero.” She mumbles as she closes her eyes in peace.

And a single tear slips past his eye.

He’s finally home.

Thoughts? Thoughts? Thoughts?

I know its a very simple, cliche, happily ever after ending, but I really REALLY wanted Levi to have a family of his own, and experience a normal, happy life, which is why I made Mae pregnant lol.

To anyone who has made this far. I would love to know your thoughts on the entire story. Things you liked, didn't like. Your feedback is crucial.

I'm going to start editing this fic from now on, and whatever you say will be considered. So I would love to know your thoughts on what could get better and be improved.

Something else, I'm very excited about is designing and illustrating a book cover (since I am a graphic designer lol) and get a few hardcopies printed for myself!! I'm assuming I'll be done with it by DEC 25th, so right now I do plan to post an Epilogue/ bonus chapter and share the book cover designs on Dec 25th. (I don;t know if anyone is interested in this, but I'm just doing it for myself hehe)

I would like to thank the many people who have been a constant support while writing this. I don't think I can tag everyone since they are on different platforms, so I'll just mention their names here. @Alexandra218943 , Cupidcup, @musumusuhasi and Abha , I wouldn't have completed this without you, so thank you <3

And to all the people who have commented, and interacted with the story at any point. I want to let you know that I've had a shit month at work, my self esteem has been at an all time low , and the only thing that's made me feel capable of something are your comments, and I keep going back to them! So thank you for that, I am immensely grateful!

[moo-blogging]

I want to fall in love with Levi, slowly.

Maybe I met him on the first day of college. I came in right before the professor and the hall was already packed. There was a guy sitting at the end of the hall and he had a vacant seat next to him. Jogging up the steps, I asked "hi, is this seat taken?" Moving his stuff away, "no" he mumbled and I sat down. Though there was no designated seats, but people pretty much sat where they sat on the first day of class.

I asked if he wanted to be my teammate for a group assignment. He agreed. He then introduced himself, "my name's Levi, by the way. You are Y/n, do I get it right?" I was shock that I never asked for his name but he already knew mine. Grinning, I told him he got it right.

I had a few classes interlapped with Levi's, and I often sat next to him. He had a few friends. I knew their names but not close. I only had 1 class with them but it was the class I had with my friends. We sat separately in that class but always nodded or waved to each other when we met in class.

One day, when I was grabbing breakfast in the cafeteria, I texted Levi if he needed something. He texted back, "apple pie, if no, a croissant". As time flew, I learnt that Levi preferred dark, strong coffee with an apple pie on rainy mornings and unsweetened hot tea and a croissant on sunny mornings. He would take an egg sandwich in the evening sometimes, and a piece of pecan cookie after every mid-term exam.

Levi would save a seat for me whenever we had the same class or to meet up somewhere in campus. He would have his bag on the table. When people asked about it, he would wave and say it was taken. Levi would also take notes for me when I was snacking during classes. He would whsipered the correct answer to me when I got called by the professor. He was the one setting up meetings with the professors to discuss about our group assignment.

I wouldn't realise that Levi had become an important part of my life until he took a few days off to tend to personal matters. My heart sank when he didn't reply my texts. I understood he was busy with something but still I felt abandoned.

One of the days when he was off dealing with his personal matters, I received a text from him asking if he could see me. I went out to find him at the porch, standing awkwardly with one hand in his pocket. We sat by the steps as we stared into the sky. I was glad he came back.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"Yea, not really." He coughed.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No, not really."

"Ok."

"... ok."

It was then I realised, I wouldn't mind sitting next to him just staring at the sky. Our silence was comfortable.

He was comfortable to be with.

[sixpennydame]

North Star ✶ Chapter 10

A Levi Ackerman x oc slow burn

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter | Series Masterlist | AO3

Just one kiss, can change everything between you and Levi.

My dearest Martin,

Remember when we were small, and I’d follow you around everywhere? I used to trail behind you like a lost puppy, but you never scolded me. You’d just smile, take my hand, and lead me to wherever you were going. 

Throughout my whole life, whenever I reached out my hand, you were there. 

These past three years, I wondered how I could go on without you, knowing that when I reached out, you wouldn’t be there. The world felt colder, and I felt so alone.

But you told me I have more to do, more life to live, so I’m going to do that. This past year, I’ve learned that I’m not alone and that I’m stronger than I thought. 

Thank you for always having faith in me, when I didn’t have faith in myself. 

I’ll see you again, in another time, another place.

Love, 

Catherine

——- ✶ ——-

Your hand was warm in his, your lips even warmer as you kissed one cheek, then the other. Levi thought his heart would jump out of his chest, it was pounding so furiously. He’d looked at your face hundreds of times in the last several months, but right now, with the light of the early dawn on your face, he thought it was the most beautiful he’d ever seen you. His eyes glance down at your lips - he wants to feel them on his skin again, he yearns for it. 

You don’t move. He doesn’t either. The most he can manage is a light caress of your face, but it’s not enough. There’s an energy between your two bodies, urging him to move closer, to press his lips against yours.

All he has to do is move.

His head inches forward. First, a brush of his nose against yours, but then he tilts slightly and he’s kissing you like you are the most delicate porcelain. 

And you don’t back away, you simply lean in, your other hand moving up to press lightly against his chest. His free hand moves to your waist; he wants so badly to pull you against him, to kiss every inch of you.

When your lips finally separate, he doesn’t know if seconds or minutes have passed. 

It’s the sharp pain shooting through his knee that pulls him back to reality. He blinks once, then twice, and sees you there, in front of him, your eyes flitting open. 

What have I done?

“Levi..” Your voice is soft. Sweet. But the way his name hangs in the air, he’s not sure if it’s a blessing or a curse.

Say something, you idiot.

His head is spinning, his heart pumping. He needs to take a step back and reevaluate what is happening here. Afraid of what you might say next, he speaks.

“I…”

I think I’m in love with you.

I have never felt this way before.

I need to know if you feel the same way.

“...I should go check on the horses. Who knows if Mathieu is even sober enough to do it.” He backs away from you. “And you should get some rest.”

He walks to the washroom and while splashing his face with cold water, he hears the door to your room click shut. Maybe it’s the cold, but his knee has been bothering him more lately; it probably didn’t help that he was on his feet practically all night. Wiping his face with a towel, he looks at himself in the mirror; the deep scars running down his cheek, his useless and clouded eye. And then there are the scars not visible on the surface, the feelings of loss and pain. His body and heart have paid the price for his sacrifice, broken in so many ways beyond repair.

He touches the jagged, uneven scar on his lips and wonders why you’d returned his kiss. Maybe you felt sorry for him. Maybe you saw it as an obligation, after all he’s done.

Because really, who would want someone so broken?

——- ✶ ——-

Your lips are still warm and tingly from the kiss as you fall onto your bed, your mind ablaze with thoughts that you know will make it impossible to go to sleep. There’s a door in your room that leads to the washroom and you can hear him there, just on the other side of the wall. 

What would happen if you just opened it and told him how you felt? That slowly throughout the months, your feelings of friendship have turned into something more. Something that you haven’t felt in years, and you can’t imagine feeling with anyone else but him. 

Is this love?

It’s a strange sensation, opening your heart to another; there’s a tinge of guilt there as you think of Martin. He told you to love again, but this…

…is that what this is?

It’s almost too terrifying to think about. Martin was the first and only person you’d ever loved, and it had never even crossed your mind that you could care for someone else to the same degree, much less fall in love again.

You laugh. Listen to yourself - it was just an innocent kiss, probably nothing more.

But oh, how wonderful it was. Slow and soft, and when his hand went to your waist you’d wanted him to pull you in tighter. You’d leaned in, lips slightly parted, inviting his tongue to mingle with yours. Why did he pull away? And if he hadn’t, what might have happened next?

A heavy sigh escapes your mouth. You feel like a schoolgirl again with a first crush. Everything feels newer, brighter.

There’s a shuffling and then you hear the door open and close, his footsteps echoing down the hallway as he walks to his bedroom. There’s still time to tell him how you feel.

Your feet pad silently down the hallway as you stand in front of his bedroom door. You take a deep breath and just as you raise your fist to knock - 

– There’s a loud, abrupt pounding on the front door.

You rush to the door and Annika stands before you, hair disheveled and makeup smudged from a night of holiday revelry. But you can tell from the look in her eyes that she’s not here to drunkenly wish a Happy New Year.

“Annika, is something the matter?”

“Is Levi here?” 

Levi joins the two of you in the entryway, limping slightly. You both look down to see that he’s wearing a brace of some kind around his knee. The thick material wraps around his leg, held together by leather laces. 

Annika frowns. “What’s going on there?”

“An old war injury. When it gets bad, I put this on.”

“You should let me check it.” Annika moves towards him curiously.

“No thanks,” he counters, then rushes to take the focus off of him. “What did you need me for?”

Annika’s face turns from curiosity over Levi’s leg to worry.

“It’s Mathieu.”

——- ✶ ——-

“Dumbass…” Levi says, arms crossed.

Looking down at Mathieu, sprawled out on a sofa in Annika’s family home, you’re prone to agree with Levi. “How exactly did this happen?”

“Well, Oleg said he could race me down to the town square. Perhaps I’d had too much to drink…I slipped and fell forward…”

He lifts up his two bandaged arms, both in makeshift slings.

“...and he broke both of his elbows,” Annika cuts in. “He’ll be unable to use his arms for at least six weeks.”

Levi pinches the bridge of his nose. “Six weeks…I suppose that puts me in charge of the stables for the time being.”

“Or longer,” Annika interjects again. “It really depends on how quickly he heals. And he’ll need help with other things, like getting dressed, cooking..” she looks away to keep from laughing at the whole ridiculous situation, “...relieving himself.”

Mathieu has no immediate family, no next of kin, no one to help him through this time. But Mursa’s a tight-knit community and people look out for each other; you’d be happy to help him out.

“Why don’t you come live at my place for a while?” you ask. “I have an extra room, and then I can help with whatever you need.”

“And leave the stables? The horses? My home?” Mathieu’s face becomes defiant; you imagine he’d cross his arms in frustration, if he could.

Annika rolls her eyes. “Don’t be so stubborn. You can’t be by yourself.”

“I’ll look after him,” Levi says as he helps Mathieu off the sofa. “Let’s just get you back to your place and we can figure the rest out.”

It’s a realization that you’ve slowly come to these past few months: that beneath his harsh words and intense scowls, Levi is incredibly caring. It’s not necessarily something he tries to hide, but it’s also not apparent to all. It’s a special part of his character that you really love about him.

Love…that word is becoming easily relatable to Levi these days.

“I can come and help out too.” You get on the other side of Mathieu.

“I’m perfectly capable of walking, thank you very much,” he huffs, shaking you both off of him. A bit of a loner, Mathieu’s a man who’s prided himself on his strength and independence. A bit headstrong too. You wonder if that’s why he had Annika bring Levi over. The two men are truly one of a kind.

Mathieu looks at the brace on Levi’s leg and his heavy limp. “Look at us – like the blind leading the blind.” He laughs.

“Don’t test me, old man,” Levi warns, “you don’t need any more broken bones.”

 ——- ✶ ——-

By the time you and Levi get Mathieu back to his home, the morning sun had moved over the mountains and was now shining brightly over the valley. The old, creaky home is cold and quiet, and you get a fire going while Levi helps the old man out of his clothes.

“Oi, did you bathe in alcohol all night? You reek.” You can hear Levi’s voice from down the hall.

“I guess you’re gonna have to help me bathe then, Nurse Levi.” Mathieu cackles.

It makes you laugh too, listening to them bicker. “You two argue like an old married couple,” you yell their way.

“Ow! Be gentle!” Mathieu whines. “Married? If this is your tender touch, Levi, then I pity any woman you ever marry.”

You’ve felt Levi’s touch, and it is tender. You can still feel his calloused fingers running across your jaw, lifting your lips to his. You wonder what it would feel like for him to take your clothes off, to run his hands over your body as you lay in a bathtub.  

“Just stop talking and get in the damn bathtub! Keep your arms above the water!” Levi’s tone is strict, but you can hear the care in his voice, as if he’s reprimanding a child.

Even his stern voice is turning you on right now.

Catherine, pull yourself together!

It seems that one little kiss has set your mind and heart ablaze. You wonder if Levi feels the same.

There’s no knowing until you get a free moment to talk to him.

You busy yourself with making breakfast while Levi bathes Matheiu and helps him get dressed, desperate to do anything to get your mind off the kiss. Yet, as the three of you eat, Levi barely looks at you. In fact, he’s barely acknowledged you at all this whole morning. 

Once Matheiu is in his bed, Levi helps you with washing dishes, still in awkward silence.

“I better get out to the stables. There’s lots to do now,” he says on his way out of the kitchen.

“Let me help you.”

“No. I don’t want you exhausting yourself. You’ve worked too hard to recover this past week, and I don’t want you getting sick again. Go get some rest.”

There’s that stern but caring voice, now directed at you. You know there’s no arguing with him once he has that tone.

“Alright, but can we talk later?” You attempt to keep your voice cool and neutral, but there’s no hiding the expectation in your eyes.

He looks over his shoulder at you. “Sure. Later,” then turns to leave.

 ——- ✶ ——-

Levi knows exactly what you want to talk about. He could see it in your eyes all morning. But these romantic feelings - the whole situation - is such foreign territory to him. Not that he hadn’t had experiences with women before; there’d been stolen kisses in dark alleys in The Underground, and desperate make-out sessions before a mission, just to feel alive. But this was different with you. It was the first time in his life that he wanted more. 

He hadn’t thought any of this through clearly yet; kissing you wasn’t exactly in the plans, and yet..

And yet, it had felt so right at the time, he can’t deny that. 

It also felt selfish. He doesn’t deserve you. 

You deserve someone who can make you truly happy, who can protect and take care of you. At his age and with his injuries, it’s more likely that you’d be taking care of him. 

The pain shooting through his leg reminds him of his inadequacies as he puts clean hay in the horses’ troughs. It’s a constant reminder of the strength he once had, now long gone. 

And he’s made peace with that. He knows he’s not Humanity’s Strongest anymore - he doesn’t want to be. But who is he now? And when you look at him, what do you see?

Probably just some pathetic, old soldier, he thinks. And you’re so beautiful, and young, with so much more life to live. 

Demon whinnies at Levi, breaking him away from his thoughts. “Feeling restless too, are you?” he asks, petting Demon along the bridge of his nose. “What do you say we burn some frustrated energy in the indoor arena?”

Levi harnesses Demon and gets on his back, careful not to put too much pressure on his knee. He can feel Demon’s need to zip through the snow and across the frozen meadow, but his firm grip on the reins keeps the spirited stallion in control. 

The indoor arena wasn’t far from the stables and was a considerable size - perfect for keeping the horses healthy and energized during the long, snowy winter. Mathieu was once one of the best racehorse breeders and trainers in Southern Marley, as he often bragged to Levi, and it was his dream to have his sons take over the business someday. But when his sons were conscripted in the Marleyan army to fight in one of the many battles against the Mid-East Allied Forces years ago, they never returned. Still, he kept the training facilities clean and ready, as if he was prepared for them to return at any moment. 

That refusal to let his grief overtake him, even in the most difficult of circumstances, was something Levi respected in Mathieu.

He and Demon start at a slow walk, working in and around some barrels placed in various parts of the barn. They weave in and out, Demon snorting impatiently.

“I know, but let’s get warmed up first.” Levi says to Demon as they go into a trot, then finally, a canter. 

The arena is big enough for Levi to run Demon at a full gallop, and soon they’re racing around the perimeter. The cold air whips at Levi’s face, waking him up and making him more alert. He empties his mind and lets his body work with Demon’s; he’s ridden him long enough that it seems they both read each other’s minds, each muscle twitch a tell-tale sign of what the other is thinking. 

Riding horses is one of the few times Levi feels whole again, the adrenaline coursing through his body as he works purely on instinct with the animal. If he closed his eyes, he could almost feel like he’s flying through the air with ODM gear again.

Energy sufficiently spent, Demon slows to a prance as horse and rider return to the stable. The other horses neigh, anxious for their turn. “Ok, ok, you’ll all get a chance,” Levi concedes, unsaddling Demon.

When Levi returns to the house, he finds Mathieu up and sitting in front of the large picture window overlooking the stables. “You should be resting, old man.”

“This is resting, and it is driving me crazy,” Mathieu whines. “It’s gonna be a long two months.

“For you and me both.” Levi warms his hands by the fire, the flames’ illumination showing a deep contentment on his face.

“You didn’t have to ride every horse today, you know,” Mathieu says.

“I know that. But I enjoyed it, and they all needed to stretch their legs.”

“Speaking of legs…” Mathieur looks at the brace on Levi’s knee, “...you gonna be ok?”

“I’m fine. Or as fine as I’m ever gonna be.”

“And you can ride with that brace on?”

“Yeah, it’s not too big a deal. And it’s not like I need it all the time.”

Suddenly there’s a spark in Mathieu’s eyes. He leans forward. “Have you given any more thought to letting me train you and Demon for racing?” Levi is silent, contemplative. “I’ll make a deal with you: I’m obviously going to need someone here with me ‘round the clock while I’m,” he looks down at his arms, “incapacitated. If you’ll stay here and help me out, I’ll provide you a room, training, and even sponsor and pay for your first race.” Levi still doesn’t say a word, just crosses his arms and looks at the man across from him. “Come on…that’s a pretty good deal,” Mathieu smiles, “and I know how much you love riding.”

The fire crackles as Levi thinks on it. Mathieu does need constant care right now and he would be here practically all the time anyway. But to be away from you..

Maybe that’s what’s needed right now, though; some time for him to step away and let things cool off. Without him constantly there and bothering you, you’ll see that the kiss was all a mistake, if you didn’t see it that way already. After the rescue on the mountain and all that time spent together, of course feelings of friendship and romance would get misplaced. What you and he need is some space; it’s the best thing for both of you.

The best thing for you.

“Well,” Mathieu smirks, “what do ya say?”

 ——- ✶ ——-

When you arrived back home from Mathieu’s, you immediately dove onto your bed and fell asleep. It was one of those deep sleeps where, upon waking, it feels as if days, maybe weeks have gone by. It takes a few moments for you to remember where you are and what time it is. Only until you turn your head and see the picture of you and Martin next to your bed do you remember you’re back at home. For over three years, the photo of you and he on your wedding day has stood vigil on the altar next to your bed. Looking at the two smiling faces, your heart warms. 

…you should allow yourself to feel love again. Martin had told you on that mountain top. Did he really mean it?

 Love makes this whole world worth it.” 

“He’s nice, Martin. A little rough around the edges, but I think you’d really like him.”

There’s that guilt again, rearing its ugly head. Guilt that you’re moving on, that you’re finding happiness without him.

“But it’s just a crush. I’m not looking to fall in love,” you say out loud, less to Martin and more to yourself.

Because surely, this isn’t love.

It’s the rumbling of your stomach that finally gets you out of bed. The days are slowly getting longer but the winter sun has already started to set, making you realize that you need to start on dinner before Max, Albert, and Luka return. 

You’d just started on a potato soup when you hear the door open and the voices of the three young men filling the empty space around you. Although you had loved the time with only Levi, you’d missed their energy and smiling faces.

”Happy New Year!” Albert says gleefully, barreling into the kitchen and giving you a big hug. 

“And to you all as well!” you answer back as you give them each a light hug and kiss on the cheek. “It was so quiet here without you.”

“I’m sure it was. I doubt all that alone time with Levi was very exciting. Did he even come out of his room?” Max asks, a hint of jealousy in his voice.

”I had a wonderful time with Levi. He..”

He kissed me. It was amazing. You want to cry out from the rooftops. 

“He helped me clean and accompanied me to some New Year’s Eve parties. It was fun.”

The heat of your blushing cheeks makes you turn your back to the three. “But other than that it was a quiet week.” You busy your hands with cutting potatoes and carrots. “Enough about me. I want to hear all about your time back home.”

While you cook, they tell you stories of their towns and neighborhoods: the friends they saw and their family traditions. Their tales continue as you eat, and you listen intently, but all the while noting that Levi hasn’t yet returned home.

It’s late into the evening when you finally hear the doorknob to the front door turn. You’re reading in the sitting room and listening to music on the gramophone with the others as he enters, giving a nod when everyone wishes him a Happy New Year.

“I hear you’re taking care of Old Man Mathieu for a few weeks,” Max says.

”Yeah. It’s not like he has anyone else.”

”He has all of us,” you remind him. “I can go over with you every morning and help out.”

”About that,” Levi says, shifting his weight off of his knee and running his hand through his hair. “I’ve decided I’m going to live at Mathieu’s for the time being. At least until he recovers.” The record has stopped playing and it’s suddenly become quiet in the room. “If I’m having to work double time at the stables, I might as well just stay there and help him with other things too. I mean, the man can’t even shit by himself.”

“Oh..” the word escapes your mouth before you know it. Did Levi notice how sad it sounded? 

You reprimand yourself for your reaction. Mathieu needs help, and Levi is willing to do that. It’s admirable. “That’s good of you to do that, Levi. Of course, it’s the right thing to do.”

“Well then, I should pack a few things and get back over there.” He nods again and walks to his room.

You wait expectantly for an invitation to join him. You’ve been imagining the conversation all evening:

“Catherine, can we talk in my room? Privately?”

The three younger men look at each other, before Albert speaks up. “We should probably be getting to bed anyway.” 

You follow Levi to his room, your heart thumping loudly. As you stand in the doorway, he closes the door, brushing so close to you that you can feel his breath move across your neck. He stands to face you.

“I’ve wanted to talk to you…about this morning,” you say.

“We don’t need to talk about it,” he’d reply, wrapping his arm around your waist and pulling you close to him. He kisses you again, this time, fully and confidently.

Perhaps you don’t even make it to your room that night.

It gives you butterflies just thinking about it. But as minutes pass, you realize that he’s not going to call for you. The minutes inch by, until Albert, Max, and Luka say their good nights and retire to their rooms. Only then do you decide to take the initiative. You can’t keep wondering any longer.

You walk over to his door and knock. “Levi, can I come in?”

He opens the door and gestures for you to enter. You do so, nervously. 

You wait, but he continues to pack his bag.

Time to be brave, Catherine. 

“Levi, I want to talk about…” your hands are sweaty and clutched at your sides as you take a quick breath, “...about this morning.”

“Right…” Levi takes his own breath. 

You can do this. You can tell him how you feel!

He stops packing to look at you. “There’s no need to talk about it.”

Your heart is beating fast, wanting him to move closer, to touch you.

“It was a mistake,” he says, bluntly.

Levi isn’t one to mince words; he gets to the point, you know that. But the way he says it - so coldly, it makes your stomach drop.

And all that excitement, that expectation, comes crumbling down around you.

“You’re my friend, Catherine. Nothing more. That kiss…was a lapse in judgment.” He looks away. “I’m sorry if I made you think otherwise.”

A mistake. A lapse in judgment. The words cut like a knife.

“Right,” you finally reply, after a few stunned, silent moments. “Right…a mistake. It absolutely was.” 

A part of you actually believes that. The other part, however…

You mask your feelings with a smile. “There’s no harm done, Levi. We’re still friends.” You pat his arm, lingering there just a little bit before pulling back. Everything feels awkward now. “Let’s just pretend like it never happened.”

There’s no point in telling him how you feel now; he’s made his feelings known loud and clear, and you’d obviously read everything wrong. What a fool you’ve been.

He looks into your eyes again, as if he’s trying to read what you’re really saying, how you really feel. “Right.” His own eyes soften, and it looks as if he’s going to say something, but stops himself. “I should get back over there,” he finally says, “Mathieu can barely wipe his own ass now without my help.”

You stifle a breathy laugh. “You probably should.”

The two of you walk to the door and Levi hauls his bag over his shoulder. “I’ll come by later for the rest of my things. You can rent out my room during that time, if you need to.”

You clutch at the sweater over your shoulders as he opens the door. The outside air suddenly feels colder, crueler.

“That’s your room, Levi. It’ll be waiting for you to return.” You search his face for some kind of reaction, but it’s only cold indifference. “You are coming back, right?”

“Yeah. Of course,” he answers, but there’s a tone that makes you feel like he’s unsure. 

Everything feels so unsure now.

“Goodnight, Catherine.” He walks into the darkness of the snowy night, leaving you standing in the doorway.

You thought the kiss was going to change everything for you and he, and it did. Just not in the way you’d wanted.

You blink away tears and close the door.

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[the-traveling-poet]

𝒞𝒽𝒶𝓅𝓉𝑒𝓇 𝟦 ~ 𝒫𝓊𝒷𝓁𝒾𝒸 𝒜𝒻𝒻𝒶𝒾𝓇𝓈

𝒮𝓊𝓂𝓂𝒶𝓇𝓎: Clearing her head from the day’s events, Aveline recounts and journals her conversation behind closed doors with her Commander, Dot Pyxis. Options are laid out, and internal stresses arise, clouding her mind well into the following day’s mentally grueling task; traveling from Trost District to the towns of Wall Rose, and finally to the District of Shiganshina within Wall Maria.

𝒞𝑜𝓃𝓉𝑒𝓃𝓉: Friendly Banter, Themes of mental stress

𝐸𝓃𝒿𝑜𝓎~

More Chapters

Stars twinkled overhead, their silvery glow illuminating the vast expanse of sky that could be seen over the lip of Wall Ross. Behind the cover of clouds the moon chose to hide away, it left the usually outshone stars unobstructed in their shine.

Aveline drew in a deep breath around the ever thinning smoke stick perched between her lips, exhaling only a minuet later to let the tendrils of smoke curl out into the air from her lungs in thin wisps.

The courtyard was silent, save for the chirping of lone crickets and the occasional flicker of green light popping in and out of focus among the blades of grass in the median.

Glancing back up towards the dotted sky, Aveline traced the patterns of invisible pictures hidden amongst the stars with her eyes, mulling over the conversation she had just left with Commander Pyxis.

Along the trek back to her own dorm for the night, she grumbled under her breath and removed the now spent smoke from between her lips and snuffed out the stub into a trash bin nearby.

The journey should have taken much longer than it had, Aveline thought, as she soon found herself stationed within the barracks hall facing the worn wood of her private chambers door.

Unlocking the door, she removed her boots with trembling fingers and set them near the door. Locking it behind her, she glanced about the empty room.

Not a single thing to preoccupy myself with...

After a quick wash and change, she laid back onto her cot and re-wrapped her scathed arm with a deep sigh. She'd have been able to sleep by now, despite her nap earlier in the day, had it not been for Pyxis's words bouncing around in her skull on monotonous repeat.

Knowing sleep would continue to evade her the longer she laid there listlessly, she reluctantly pulled herself off the bed with a groan, and plopped down at the seat of her desk across the room. Pulling open a drawer, she removed a thin leather bound book and splayed it open on the desk's surface.

Reading through her last entry, she sighed.

So much to update...Fuck it, cant sleep either way...

"The very same..." Pyxis drawled out, eyes lost on the horizon outside his office window.

Pinching at the bridge of her nose, Aveline affirmed his statement with a stiff nod.

"Aye, the same. Baxten took one of them out, but the other titan remains."

Pyxis grunted in reply, understanding the implications. He then reached into his coat pocket for his flask and hurriedly undid the top for a deep gulp. With a furrowed brow, he extended his arm to Aveline, who needed no convincing in accepting the offering. As she greedily downed several sips, Pyxis groaned and took a seat in his chair.

"This is becoming more than what your squad is acclimated to. The job is becoming more than you can handle...I fear what this means for our operations."

Shaking away the burn of the liquor, Aveline leaned against his desk and returned the silver flask to her Commander's greedily outstretched hand.

"My thoughts exactly...I could have lost them last night, Pyxis. We came so close...so close to losing them like I lost Nadia and Nasir...To the same damned titans, even."

She spoke in earnest, eyes wide as they peered up through her tangled auburn hair to meet Pyxis's stern gaze. 

"Erwin confirmed no further expeditions are to be run in the near future; this gives us time to find an understanding through this mess..."

The older man grumbled out around the neck of his flask, glaring down at his aging hand resting on the desk top.

Silence enveloped them for a moment, and the very air seemed to stale as it entered their lungs. Aveline finally took a seat and reached into her own coat pocket to remove a tin of smokes and a small lighter.

"You once aspired to become a Scout."

The sudden comment drew Aveline's attention away from the lighter, her brow becoming less furrowed as she pondered.

"I did," She whispered, finally meeting the Commander's gaze.

"Then why did you choose the Garrison all those years ago?" Pyxis asked, a curious glint in his tired eyes.

"You know why, baldy." She scoffed back, a small smile tugging at the corner of her mouth.

"I have responsibility in Rose; I couldn't leave them behind on my pursuit towards earning the Wings of Freedom."

"Responsibility...such a nasty word." Pyxis chuckled as he reclined back into his seat for a more comfortable position.

"I'm not sure there's much choice now. With our operations on hold, your duties will souly lie in aiding the public in more political affairs. I don't have much choice between disbanding the R.O.S. Experiment, or simply just transferring you over to the Scouts for proper training; should you wish to continue riding out behind our walls. For you, I would offer this trade."  

Sucking in a breath, Aveline bit at her lip anxiously. To stay a Garrison soldier and give up on her ambitions, or abandon it all and chase after a fleeting dream...

"There has to be a way...A way to figure this out. I can't leave the Garrison; it's all I know, Pyxis. But...I cant give up on hope for the land beyond our walls."

"That remains to be seen. Think no further on this for now, Captain. Nothing is certain yet, so return to your duties for now. When the time comes, and we have the information we need, we'll find a way."

Pyxis stood from his desk, glancing the Captain over with a regretful gaze.

"Go; rest. Tomorrow you'll continue on as usual in returning identified corpses to their families, should they wish for their belongings."

With a sigh Aveline stood, pinching an unlit smoke between her lips as she saluted the Commander.

"Yes sir," She whispered, her mind running a mile a minute as she took her leave.

"Damn kid, you get enough on your plate?"

"I am a growing man, sir. Don't hate on me cause you're old."

"Old!? Dione, I'm 22." Norbert's voice carried across the mess hall, startling some of the newer recruits who sat not far away from the squad's table, still attempting to adjust their eyes to the rising sun beyond glistening windows.

Unlike the seasoned soldiers in the Garrison, they weren't yet acclimated to the pair's routine morning banter.

"Yeah; old. It's not my fault they start recruiting at age fourteen," Dione replied, a shit eating grin on his face.

"You should have been the exception for the two year term. Graduating at sixteen doesn't suit you, immature shit." Norbert grumbled back, picking at the food in his plate.

"Didn't they at least teach you to respect your elders?"

"So you admit you're an elder?" Lyra piped up, only half listening to her comrade's bantering as she picked at her breakfast tray.

Before Norbert could start up again, Baxten cleared his throat and nodded his head to a sight just behind them. The boys swiveled in their seats, coming eye to eye with a partially amused Aveline standing at their backs with a tray of breakfast in her hands.

"Captain!" They both exclaimed in sync, brows raised and their food nearly forgotten.

"Bax, I thought I asked you to babysit them while I ran some errands," Aveline mused, taking a seat firmly between the bantering fools, who quickly picked back up their silverware and finished their breakfasts.

"I am. Just didn't feel like interrupting the only thing amusing me. They're like my own personal show to enjoy with my meals." Baxten sighed, picking up a bread roll to bite into.

Amidst Dione and Norbert's grumbles, Aveline cleared her throat, gaining her squad's attention immediately.

"Firstly, I think a year into this squad, Dion and Lyra have matured. Secondly, 22 isn't old; and I dare you to call me as such. Baxten and I are the same age as Norbert, you know. Thirdly, we head out in twenty minutes."

She counted out, meeting the eyes of each member seated around her. Once sure of their acknowledgment and taking note of their eager nods, Aveline continued.

"Just like before, we'll split up and locate the families in Trost who lost their loved ones on the last expedition, and inform them of the retrieval of their fallen's possessions. We'll check off the chart as we go, and meet up in the next area going east and repeat. 'Couple days from now, we'll bring them what we have should they ask for it. Got it?"

"Aye, Captain!"

They responded in affirmation, though Aveline could see the dulling look in their eyes. Sighing, Aveline picked at her food on the plate before her.

"This is the most dreaded part of our job, yes, but it's our job nonetheless. Just a few more days, and we won't have to think about any of it. Commander Erwin of the Survey Corps has called off expeditions for now, until we can get a handle on these reckless titans."

"The Corps are having issues with the titans, too?" Lyra piped up, raising a thin brow her Captain's way.

"From what I heard from Baldy, yeah. More and more...rambunctious, abnormals are being sighted outside the walls, out in the broad of daylight. We aren't the only ones seeing weird shit out there lately,"

Aveline grumbled, scarfing down her food quickly before standing back from the table. A quick, puzzled look from Baxten made her pause in her steps, but with a shake of her head she motioned to the man they would speak later.

After another quick look around the table, Aveline nodded towards her squad and offered a small smile.

"You guys finish up here, I'll meet you in the stables."

Mumbled responses of reassurances follow her out the door of the Garrison mess hall, as well as a steady pace chasing her out across the cobblestone courtyard. Aveline didn't have to turn; she'd recognize the sound of his boots thudding against the ground after her anywhere.

"The hell did Pyxis say back then?" Baxten huffed as he matched his pace to hers.

"After that meeting with the Corps, he mentioned to me how even in daylight, those bastards are acting weird; or as weird as mindless, naked giants can be." Aveline answered cooly, keeping her gaze set ahead.

"You aren't telling me something, Ave,"

Baxten drawled out, and Aveline could damn near see the deadpan expression on his face from slightly behind her as she sped up her walk.

After a moment, Aveline sighed and decided to just come out with it.

"He made me an offer, should this issue not resolve soon. It's either disband the squad and stay in the Garrison for public affair duties, or transfer to the Scouts if we want to continue to ride behind the walls for humanity."

Baxten was silent in thought for some time, even after they reached the stables and entered the tack room for their bridles and saddles.

For a moment, Aveline wondered if he would ever speak as they groomed their mares and adjusted the girth straps for their saddles. But just as he was about to slip on his mare's bridle, he cursed under his breath.

"Damn, Ave...Disband or transfer, huh?"

Aveline merely hummed in acknowledgement, keeping her gaze set on her mare.

"Can you give that up; escaping these damn walls for a slow life in the interior?"

"I can't abandon my family, Bax."

Aveline responded softly, finally peaking past her horse to see him.

"They're all I have left, and they're counting on me to earn our keep."

"Yeah..." Baxten sighed, glaring down at the ground.

"Then again, they never wanted you to join the military to begin with. But here you are anyways."

"But I chose the Garrison, so that I'd be close to them,"

Aveline countered, frowning Baxten's way. He only scoffed at this, lifting his head to meet her look with a grin.

"And you still ride out past the walls risking your life in the dead of night. I bet they're a bit pissed over that."

He chuckled, but soon dropped the humor when he saw her look off to the side with a grimace. With eyes slowly widening in sudden suspicion, he continued on in a low tone;

"They know, don't they? About your squad? About the retrievals?"

Aveline remained silent, letting the still air between them be her answer.

At this, Baxten laughed, purely out of disbelief.

"Holy hell Aveline...You do all this for them, but you won't tell them what it is you're doing?"

"They know I'm in the Garrison, and of my rank as a Captain. But I can't burden them with the finer details."

She mumbled, moving to adjust her stirrups in order to duck out of the weight of Baxten's stare.

"I suppose that's fair," Baxten mused, a hand perched on his chin.

"But if you decide to transfer, they'll worry more for your 'lack of experience', as they see it. I mean, despite us all knowing how much you wanted the Wings of Freedom originally."

Aveline pondered over this for a moment, accepting the truth he spoke. But before she could form a response, and slightly muffled sound of Dione once again razzing Norbert filled the air outside the stables.

The rest of her squad had arrived.

"We can discuss this more later, Bax."

Aveline mumbled, slipping up into her saddle just as Lyra rounded the corner and peered in. From the look in her eye, Aveline knew Lyra had heard her last comment, but as always the younger girl opted to respect their privacy and turn a blind eye as she entered the tack room.

It took Dione, Norbert, and Lyra only a moment to groom their steeds and equip them properly, before they were off in a light trot down the streets.

"We'll start in Trost, of course; and after that the towns' lining border of Rose to the south, then we're off to Shiganshina District. Again, we'll be splitting up into two groups; Baxten, Lyra, and Norbert as one unit. And Dione, you're with me."

Aveline paused for a moment, then looked over her shoulder towards the younger man.

"So that I can keep an eye on you." She added, choosing to ignore his whines of protest.

"Bax, lead out west and north in Trost's District, me and Dione will take the east and south. We'll meet up in the first town south-west of Trost's wall."

"Yes ma'am,"

Baxten grinned, throwing her a sloppy salute as he turned down an adjacent road with Lyra and Norbert railing close behind him, clutching a small chart book tightly in his jacket. Subconsciously, Aveline did the same to a similar notebook she held as she watched them leave, then turned to Dione.

"You're staying close to me this time; I don't want to chase you through the western section of Trost again."

Aveline chuckled over her shoulder to Dione, as he quickly rode up beside her horse.

"Awe c'mon, you act like I'm five,"

He pouted, but Aveline could detect the mischief already stirring in his amber eyes.

"You've matured a lot since turning seventeen, I'll give you that. But that doesn't mean I trust you around a tavern yet."

Aveline smirked back, reaching out to ruffle his hair after a playful shove to his shoulder.

"When you're twenty one, I'll take you with us to the bar outside HQ; so long as you behave when we have to deliver the news to these poor civilians."

At this proposal, Dione grinned and gripped tighter at his reins.

"Yes ma'am!"

What had first started out as a near relaxing ride downtown, soon returned to one of grave responsibility as anguish filled the air the moment their feet slipped out of their stirrups and hit the ground.

Many civilians had paused in their hurry to complete errands for the morning, and some poked their heads out past their doorways or out of window sills as Aveline led forward her horse by the reins, followed closely by Dione down the street.

All feared at whose house they would come to a stop at, as the squad's reputation had certainly perceived them. But the moment Aveline locked her gaze onto an elderly woman's nervous face just outside of her own home, those frozen in silent curiosity bowed their heads with a deep sigh of understanding and went on their way.

But the elderly woman remained where she stood just outside her door; clutching tightly at the seams of her dress in worry, maintaining eye contact with the Captain.

"Captain Aveline," The woman rasped, now glancing between her and her Cadet.

"Please, no...."

"You're Mrs. Connoll, right?" Aveline asked, keeping her tone even and soft as she stared at the woman with regret swimming in her eyes.

Mrs. Connoll remained silent as tears brimmed her eyes, keeping her gaze locked on Aveline's. The shaking of her hands creating wrinkles in the fabric she wore was answer enough for the Captain.

"Mrs. Connoll...I'm very sorry to inform you; we found your son-"

Aveline didn't even try to continue herself as Mrs. Connoll's composure broke. Muffled gasps shook her shoulders, tears slipped past the gaps in her fingers held shakily to her face, mumbled words barely escaping her slowly closing throat.

"T-they returned with-without him....only his horse....did he-was it?....oh my go-god."

Though her words were frequently interrupted with sharp intakes of breath, Aveline nevertheless understood. With a quick glance over her shoulder to check on Dione and hand him her reins, Aveline took a hesitant step forward and placed a firm hand onto the woman's shoulder.

"From what we could tell, it was fast. I know this is excruciating ma'am, but we came to ask if you'd like to bury him yourself, or if you would rather we bury him in the old courtyard for the fallen." Aveline spoke gently, doing her best to soothe Mrs. Connoll as best she could.

Through sniffles and teary eyes, the older woman nodded, as though deciding with herself first before speaking.

"I would like to-to bury him myself; what remains...Wanna see him, o-one last time," She whispered, barely managing the words.

With a grave nod Aveline remover her hand, taking a respectful step back and gesturing for Dione to hand her the reins of her horse.

With trembling hands he did as silently asked, and Aveline quickly mounted her mare once more.

"We'll come by again some time in the week with a covered wagon. I'm very sorry for your loss, ma'am." She murmured, quickly opening her chart book and writing down Mrs. Donnell's name and address.

A solemn nod was all she got in returned, as the woman turned to stagger her way back into her home with the slam of a door.

Sighing to herself, Aveline tugged back the reins and pressed down her heels, leading her and Dione both away from the home and on towards the next.

After several beats of silence, Aveline turned back to assess Dione's state.

The boy was obviously shaken, keeping his eyes trained down at his hands and chin tucked close to his chest.

A sad half smile crept onto Aveline's face at the sight.

"Chin up, Richthofen. I'll do all the talking...Just stay near. I know it's rough-"

"Is any of this even worth it?"

His sudden scoff caught Aveline off guard, making her twist in her saddle to see him more clearly.

"We can't stop these deaths, so instead we bring it back into these cities like a cat with a dead bird to its owners. It just grieves them further,"

Dione continued to curse, finally looking up at her with a faint line of tears lining his eyes.

His words hit home with Aveline.

Many a time she'd felt the same way, but only one factor kept her pushing forward in their line of work. And now, hearing her past thoughts projected back into her own ears, she decided to speak her thought back.

"To those who wish not to be reminded of their pain, yes. But to those who wish to be reminded of the joys of life before the pain set in, this is a blessing. A bloody, disturbing, painful blessing. Some wish to forget, others wish to remember. That's why we do what we do."

Dione was silent awhile, loosening his grip on the leather reins all the while. Aveline had since returned her focus to the front, trying her best to convince herself of her own words as she watched the world go on around her.

Finally, she heard her companion scoff, though this time he didn't sound so angry. Just tired, as though drained of the energy he earlier had possessed.

"I suppose you're right....I've been at it for a year less than you and Baxten, maybe I just needed to hear it to see the truth," He mused, watching the back of his Captain's head as they walked.

"Who's to say what the right truth is? We're just doing our job in aiding these hurt souls." Aveline sighed, slowing her horse's trot as they neared yet another home on their list.

"Come on, we have several hours left ahead of us..."

{ Word Count - 3,587 }

𝒜/𝒩: It has been a HOT MINUET since I’ve revisited my beloved fic. I feel like I’ve abandoned a child :/ Levi wasn’t in this chapter and yes I apologize lol, but I’m working up to it with background lore. There’s gonna be more of him soon enough! Thanks so much for giving this fic a chance thus far and reading along <3

𝒯𝒶𝑔𝓁𝒾𝓈𝓉: @21aurora @deepzombieyouth @braunsbabe @pelicanpizza @humanitys-strongest-brat @raginginferno267 @ackermanswifee @sellowbabe If you’d like to be added to the taglist for my usual Levi content, just DM me! :3

[fatlevisimp]

In Time (Levi Ackerman Fan Fiction.)

Prologue:

She sat on the steps with Mikasa, Eren, and Armin. Eren was as broody as ever, cussing out the bullies who decided to pick on Armin. He threw a rock into the river and sighed. 

"This about more than the bullies, right Eren?" Diana asked, placing her elbows on her knees and holding her chin in her hands. Eren turned his back to Diana, clearly unhappy. 

"Why's it gotta be this way? Why can't people just let us dream?" Eren asked. 

"The walls are a powerful idea." Diana told him, looking up at the enormous walls surrounding them. 

"Diana's right. We've survived a hundred years because of them, and no one's keen on tempting fate." Armin agreed. Diana nodded, stood up, took a few short steps, and sat down next to Eren. She wrapped her arms around him. "Those three are like little siblings to me," the thought crossed Diana's mind. They've known me their whole lives, aside from Mikasa, who's known me for a few years, but I still loved her. 

"I may not agree with that sentiment, but I can see where they're coming from," Diana added, pulling Eren closer. Anyways, I have to go; I gotta pick up some things from the market." Diana suddenly spoke. Before standing up and messing up Eren's hair, he swatted her hand away, his face still angry. She laughed as she walked away, grabbing her basket off the floor. The sound of Armin's voice faded as she walked away. 

Diana was almost at the market when thunder rang through the air, quickly followed by lightning. The bang was so loud that it caused the ground to shake beneath her, causing her to trip and drop her basket. She sat up, her eyes following the source of the noise. Widening and filling with fear, his eyes locked onto the most enormous titan's hand she'd ever seen gripping the wall. It can't be. That wall's 50 metres high, the thought raced through her head. Crowds gathered, staring at the wall as the titan's head appeared, blocking the sun. 

Another loud crash sounded as debris and steam flooded the streets, crushing all the homes. Diana's mind raced again as the debris and wind whipped around her. It's broken through the walls, oh god, what about the kids. Without a second thought, she rushed through the streets, heading back to where she left them but couldn't see them. In a panic, she rushed through the alleyway, seeing another crowd of people. Her eyes scanned the crowd, and she immediately fell on Armin's familiar face, who was holding out his arm. She rushed over to him, grabbing his shoulders. 

"Armin, are you okay? Where's Mikasa and Eren?!" " she demanded, her voice breaking as she shook him. He was in a state of shock, his mind racing as fast as Diana's; he was speechless. Diana shook him again. 

"Armin!" she yelled, snapping him back into reality. He reached up and grabbed his arm with his other hand before focusing on Diana. The terror in his eyes was evident, not calmed by Diana's equally terrified features.

Th-they went to Eren's house." He squeaked out. Diana nodded quickly, trying to put on a brave face for Armin. 

"Okay, Armin, I'll go get them. You must run, find your grandpa, and get to the boats!" She told him, and with a slight nod, Armin ran in the opposite direction. Diana then turned in the direction of Eren's house. Her feet moved before she could think again; she took off sprinting.  As she rounded the corner, her eyes widened in shock. They landed on a titan, who was holding Karla; she was writhing, trying to escape it. 

"Diana RUN!"

 Diana's eyes met the person who owned the panicked voice. Hannes was running at her, carrying  Mikasa and Eren in his arms.  Though thankful they were somewhat safe, she couldn't help but let her eyes focus on him. She saw Eren's house crushed by the debris, and her mind raced again. My family lived right next door to Eren. Without hesitation, she began bounding down the street, only to have a body slam into her. 

"Hannes move out of my way, my family is down there!" She demanded, with a desperate plea, as she tried to step around him.

"Diana, the houses were crushed. We need to leave!" Hannes yelled, his harsh voice causing her heart to drop.  

"No! I can't leave them; we can save them!" Diana's voice grew more desperate as she choked on her words. 

"No, we can't now run!" Hannes screamed, slamming his body into her, his desperate assault pushing her back. With a final blurred glance, Diana turned away from her house and ran. I've lost everyone, my entire family.

[leviackermanxreader]

Saudade

Freedom

A comforting breeze blows by, it flows into your hair, swaying it in a mesmerising rhythm across your face. You let it happen.

You take a deep breath, savouring every moment of this fresh air that keeps streaming into your lungs. It's quiet, yet you can hear your own heart thap-thap against your rising chest. Up and down, up and down, as if this were your first time breathing.

So this is what it feels like to think to yourself. More wind blows by now instead of on your side, this time towards your face, pushing your hair backwards and clearing your vision. 

The wind burns your eyes as you gaze up into the abyss, a blue orb swirling in pink and orange hues surrounding you and him. You don’t blink, taking in your first encounter of this feeling. You think it’s the breeze that’s caused this warm liquid that slowly makes its way down your face, but you know that you’re lying to yourself. You can’t help it, so you embrace the lie instead, shifting your head left to face the man next to you.

The trees danced with the wind, a noise you had never appreciated before hummed to your ears. You listened this time, and it calmed you. Levi senses your stare and waits, scratching the lip of his teacup, eyeing the remaining fragments of shrivelled-up tea leaves and the now-cold-flavoured water that stained the bottom of the cup. He smoothly looks over.

He notices that you’re crying, but pieces together very soon that you’re not sad. A peaceful and content look graces your face. He knows the look of longing. He’s seen it before, over and over again on the now blank faces of his comrades who gave their lives in the hopes that it would make a difference. 

He saw the face of a boy who hungered for the eradication of his enemies on the other side of the ocean. But longing is not what he saw on your face, he thinks, his eyebrows tie together. He knows this look—a fading look—and he remembers it clearly now.

Longing, he remembers his knee pasted on the dirt below him. That’s when he saw that look of longing, he remembers his blue eyes of longing, his hands longing, reaching out, so close to touching it.

In your face, he knows he sees what he didn’t see then—accomplishment.

You see his eyes soften, you sniffle, and you watch as the sun hits his jaw. You've been following a routine for the past four months that you've developed since your days in the scouts. And now suddenly you have a different feeling. You thought that this is what you have been dreaming of since the day you were born into this world.

You realised you were no longer enslaved, and you could live the rest of your life on your own terms, the titans, the suffering, and the enemy were all gone. This is

"Freedom" Levi ends your thought.

Another tear rolls down your cheek, you’ve finally accepted it after months of denial and torment. "Freedom,” you exhaled, rasping. You grasped it and let it linger on the tip of your tongue as long as you could. Freedom is this foreign feeling it took you so long to feel.

[cielettosa]

SEED OF DISCONTENT

Navigation

pairing: levi ackerman x fem!reader

rating: explicit

fandom: shingeki no kyojin/attack on titan (canon verse, canon divergent)

synopsis:

The Ackerman clan needs to be expanded, and you are chosen to carry his child. You are a former member of Kenny Ackerman's Anti-Personnel Control Squad of Interior Military Police, and Levi hates you.

cw: pregnancy, dad!levi, breeding, angst, hurt/comfort, smut, unrequited love, mutual, medical procedures, medical inaccuracies, forced pregnancy, parenthood, past child abuse, romance, enemies to lovers, slow burn, sexual abuse, sexual assault, explicit sexual content, dubious consent, angry sex, hate sex, love/hate

table of contents:

chapter 1: a burden unchosen

chapter 2: clipped wings

chapter 3: his name is a forbidden prayer

chapter 4: the caged songbird can sing

chapter 5: roses blooms in chains

chapter 6:

chapter 7:

chapter 8:

notes:

Reader has a default name, Letta Reader

Kenny Ackerman is alive

also on ao3 (coming soon)

[zombryz]

dancing with titans

˗ˏˋ hii :3 ˎˊ˗  

chapter one - rainy days 

masterlist | chapter two (coming soon!) | read on ao3 | 

pairings - Levi x afab!reader | Jean x afab!reader | v minor Eren x afab!reader

warnings - slowburn, eventual smut, blood and gore, angst, possessiveness, unrequited love (but not really)

word count - 3.5k

Let’s imagine this is Levi watching the reader and Jean *insert eyes emoji* hehe

You still remember your very first interaction with Captain Levi. Before the temperatures began to fall, it was a rainy day during the 104th Training Corps, so you were not quite required to wear winter clothing. Captain Levi, the current Commander of the Survey Corps, and Keith Shadis, your instructor and the former 12th Commander of the Survey Corps, had been assessing the soldiers during ODM training. Captain Levi came to scope out the new recruits and see if there were any promising faces that he could ultimately add to his team. There were dozens of military dropouts that first month, but you stayed. Now that you think about it, you’re not sure why you stayed, but you’re glad you did. Although the training was challenging and exhausting, you never gave up on the belief that your life might one day have meaning. Growing up in the Utopia district made life unbearably dull and made you feel trapped inside the walls, and you were constantly hearing stories about soldiers who went outside the walls. One day you had enough and decided to leave home to join the military because you no longer wanted to be bound to the life set out for you inside the walls. You wanted excitement, even if that meant death. Now, here you were, aiming to take down ten fake Titan structures with your ODM gear and steel swords in hand. You scored a perfect ten; you know you did. You landed on your feet in front of Commander Shadis and Captain Levi after mastering the grips and gliding swiftly through the air. Breathing heavily, you looked up at your instructor and noticed the man beside him. 

“You hold your blades similar to the way I hold mine.” Captain Levi, who was a stranger at the time, speaks monotonously and nods his head toward your hands, which were holding both blades backward. It was the most comfortable position for you; you were holding them that way without even realizing it. His eyes remained on your form for a moment while you looked down at your hands and shifted uncomfortably under his gaze. His steely gray eyes looked tired and heavy. To be honest, you never gave him much thought back then. You never really answered him either, as you remember. Instead, you gave him an ingenuine smile and turned your attention to Commander Shadis, who was waiting to give his score to you.

“Yep, you got a perfect score,” he sighs slightly, “again.” You jump in excitement and thank him before heading back to your fellow recruits. As you walked back to the rest of the group, you felt eyes bore into the back of your head. They were Captain Levi’s. 

---

It wasn’t until you saw Captain Levi in action that you fell for him. He did in fact hold his blades similarly to you; the only distinction was that you held both backward, whereas he only held the blade backward in his left hand. During your first expedition beyond the walls, he was mesmerizing; you watched in awe as he effortlessly chopped up twelve-meter-tall titans without any assistance. You and Levi would dance around each other while taking down Titans. He would cross over into your path, and you would into him, never once having to verbally communicate what the other was doing. You read his movements like a book, and he read yours. It felt romantic in a way that you had never felt anything like it. At the end of the expedition, he complimented the way you moved in the sky, causing you to blush. You thanked him and finally looked at him for the first time. You complimented him back and even brought up the way he held his blades. He smiled slightly, a hint of red threatening to spill onto his face. You’ll never forget how his eyes still looked so tired, but you could see the admiration he held for you. 

That was two years ago. Now, you are in your final year of the training corps, with only a month left until graduation. You've made friends, but you’ve barely talked to Levi. You had been pining for Levi ever since that day during your expedition. He was either completely unaware of your feelings for him or did not share them. You tried multiple times to bury them but to no avail. That’s how you found yourself here, sitting at the table with all of the friends you’ve made in the training corps. Somehow, everyone at your table knew about your feelings for your captain, and it was embarrassing.  

“When are you going to give up?” Eren nudges your shoulder softly, completely knocking you out of your thoughts while you stare at Levi from across the cafeteria. You loved watching the way he drank his afternoon tea. He held his cup differently, just like his blades, with almost all of his fingers around the rim. His fingers were delicate and veiny, and you were captivated by how such pretty hands allowed him to be a ruthless killer. Back to the present - you shove Eren back gently, and your face is beet red now. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you say, feigning innocence while biting into the apple that Mikasa offered you earlier. 

“What do you see in him anyway? He’s short and mean.” Eren rests his head in his hands and looks up at you. His words draw the attention of the rest of the table, and they all turn to look at you and Eren. 

“I-I don’t know,” you answered in a sing-song voice. “He's super strong and funny.” You answer, not fully believing the second part. 

“Funny?” Eren tches, “The captain is NOT funny.” Eren rolls his eyes and runs his fingers through his hair before sitting back in his chair, visibly annoyed. “And… I’m strong. I’m probably the strongest one here!” He speaks louder than he meant to. 

“Hey, watch it, Yeager!” Jean chimes in from the other side of you without looking at you or Eren. It was common knowledge that Jean Kirstein and Eren Yeager liked you. Sometimes you thought Eren pretended to like you just to get on Jean’s nerves, and it was amusing for the most part. 

“Hey man, you and I have about the same chance!” Eren raises his voice again while looking past you and at Jean. Armin and Mikasa sat across from you, and beside them sat Connie and Sasha. Everyone was eating their lunch but sat quietly listening in on the drama.

Jean didn’t answer Eren; instead, he finally looked at you with his golden brown eyes. His cheeks were flushed, and he looked kind of cute being the center of attention. He was definitely not as open about his crush on you as Eren was. You just giggled slightly until Armin opened his mouth. 

“When are you both going to give up?” Armin questions the boys while stuffing his face with potatoes. Mikasa looks at him angrily, and Sasha starts laughing while falling back in her chair. “What? Someone had to say it,” he adds when he notices Mikasa’s face. 

“He has a point.” Connie lifts his finger up, speaking in a serious voice that he doesn’t usually use. “Someone’s eventually going to give in. Statistically speaking, one of you has to like the other person back. Either you like Eren or Jean, or Captain Levi likes you.” You immediately feel hot at his words because they are true; you just wish they weren’t because that meant Levi liking you back wasn’t an option. On top of your crush on Levi, you also had feelings for Jean. At the beginning of the training corps, you thought Jean was just an asshole, but as the years went by, you noticed you were getting closer and closer to him. He was really sweet and caring towards anyone he cared about, which included you. He would do anything to keep you safe, and you felt lucky to have him as a friend. He also had a tendency to be really attractive when he took charge, and you even noticed that sometimes out in the field, you and Jean would dance around each other in ODM gear. It wasn’t as smooth as it had been with Levi, but it definitely didn’t go unnoticed. 

You took the route of deflection: “So you’re saying I have a chance with our Captain?” You grin at your words until you hear the sound of Jean’s chair scraping the floor loudly as he gets up to leave. “No, Jean, c'mon, I was kidding!” You yell back at him, but he’s already halfway across the cafeteria. Damn, his long legs. 

You take one final bite of your apple before pushing back your chair to follow him. Eren goes to stop you, but Mikasa quickly grabs the collar of his shirt, forcing him to stay at the table. Jean made his way out of the cafeteria and into the corridor of the main building. You quickly turn the corner, and your face collides with something solid. It was Jean’s shoulder. He apparently didn't go down the hallway as far as you thought he had; instead, he was leaning up against the wall. 

“Y/N, I-I’m so sorry.” He grabs your shoulders to still you, and you quickly grab your head to comfort the sharp pain in your skull.

“Ow.” You get out while rubbing the side of your head. Damn, Jean and his height. His shoulders were the same height as your head. 

 Jean realizes where you’re hurting, so he slowly reaches up to pull your hand away from your head. Your head was now being held by both of his hands, and he was gently rubbing your temple with his thumb. After a second, you finally open your eyes, and you’re face-to-face with his chest. When you look up at him, he’s already looking down at you with big, concerned eyes. You melted into his touch and gravitated towards his chest more and more. 

“You okay? Why did you follow me out here?” Jean gets all of his questions out at once without pulling away from you.

“Yeah, I’m okay.” You breathed deeply before continuing, “I just wanted to check on you. I didn’t mean to upset you, Jean.” You brought your fingers up and gently caressed his forearms.

“You didn’t upset me. I-” Jean sighs. He goes to say something else when someone behind you emerges from the cafeteria and clears his throat to make his presence known. 

“Am I interrupting something, Cadets?” You jump at his voice, recognizing it anywhere. It was Captain Levi. Jean immediately drops his hands from your head, and the both of you jump two feet away from each other. 

“No sir, sorry sir!” You and Jean salute Captain Levi at the same time, and you both look extremely embarrassed with your hands over your hearts.

“Cadets in training are not allowed public displays of affection.” Levi’s eyes wander over yours briefly before landing on Jean’s. His face no longer showed any softness he had while looking at you. “Once you graduate, you can hold any cadet you’d like for all I care. Do I make myself clear?” 

Jean looked down at Captain Levi and quickly replied, “Sir, Yes sir!” Levi stepped back toward you, and his eyes looked you up and down before he turned on his heel and walked down the hallway without saying another word. 

“Woah, Captain Levi never gets onto cadets for breaking the affection rule. Usually, it’s Commander Erwin.” Jean released the breath he had been holding and turned to look at you. You were completely flustered, and you were holding your hands behind your back while watching the Captain’s form disappear down the corridor. Jean rolled his eyes and took hold of your chin to force you to look at him. Once you were looking at him, he dropped his hand so that you both wouldn’t get into trouble again.

“I really don’t have a chance, do I?” Jean’s eyes are fixed on you now. His voice was barely above a whisper, and his posture was not as confident as before. 

You open your mouth to answer, but no words come out. His question echoed in your head, but you had no idea how to answer it. Jean took your silence as an answer.

“Okay.” He straightens himself once more and sniffles slightly, but plays it off. “I am going to let you go now.” He looks at you for a moment longer, hoping you'll say something, but you don’t. He then closes his eyes and walks away, down the same corridor Levi did.

---

It was finally graduation day after three long years. There were two hundred and eighteen cadets who graduated alongside you. Everyone had three options: the garrison regiment, aka those whose job it was to reinforce the walls; the scout regiment, who would ride out into Titan country; or the military police regiment, aka the lazy bastards. You were at the top of your class, along with Connie, Sasha, Jean, Marco, Eren, Mikasa, Reiner, Bertholdt, and Annie. The night of your graduation you noticed Jean acting weird. Everyone was drinking and having a good time when you noticed a saddened look across Jean’s face. He barely talked all night. Eren even tried to pick a fight with him, but he didn’t fight back. 

“Hi,” you said, joining him at the wooden table he was sitting at inside one of the dining halls. Marco was sitting next to him and took his cue to leave. You smiled at him, and he shot you a sympathetic look. The room was loud and full of drunk cadets, but you ignored the noise to talk to Jean.

“Hey.” He answered before taking another sip of his beer. 

“What’s up with you? Why do you look so sad?” You shift your body closer to him, and he shifts away slightly. This wasn’t the first time he had shifted away from you, not allowing you to get close to him anymore. Ever since that day in the hallway a month ago, his entire body language around you has changed. 

“I’m joining the military police.” He stares blankly at nothing in particular. He knew you would have a bad reaction. Everyone else in your group was planning on joining the scout regiment, including you. He prepared himself for you to scream a loud “WHATTT?” that drew everyone's attention to him but it didn’t come and instead -

“Oh.” Your voice comes out shaky now. Your reaction makes him actually look at you this time. You were holding your beer between your thighs, and your head was hanging low as you were just staring at your fingers around the handle of the mug. You didn’t want him to join the military police. You knew that’s what he wanted, but for some reason, you always thought he’d change his mind. “Please don’t.” You tilt your head up slightly as tears threaten to form, your throat feeling like thorns as you speak. 

“Why shouldn’t I? I would have three meals daily for life, and I’d be safe behind the walls.” He shifts his body towards you now with an aggression in his voice that wasn’t there before. He just wanted you to say the magic words that would get him to stay. He wasn’t even intending to play this game with you. Heck, he told himself a month ago that he would go into the military police, settle down with a nice girl, and forget all about you and everyone else. He didn’t want to think about how you would never love him. He even stopped sitting next to you at meals and staying away from you during training and downtime. He was already feeling much better being away from the magnet that you were, which sucked him in every time you were near. 

“I need you, Jean.” Your drunken thoughts betrayed you, and you allowed yourself to be vulnerable with him in a way that you never had before. You corrected yourself by adding, “We need you,” but it was already too late. Jean was already being pulled back into your magnetic aura. He hated himself for it, but he cared about you way too much to let you go out into Titan territory without him. 

“I guess I’ll think about it some more.” He hated seeing you sad. “Tonight, let’s just get drunk.” His face finally turns up, and he allows himself to be happy again. He takes a swig of beer and looks over at you. Your smile grows, and you throw your arms around him in a drunken hug that makes him fall backward a little. This makes you spill your beer and his, but you don’t care. Jean takes the opportunity to hug you back, and he buries his face in your hair, scared that he’d never have the chance to again. He decided he would still be at arm's length from you so that he could try to move on. He needed to pull away from you, he reminded himself.

After another beer and bantering with Sasha and Connie, you noticed Captain Levi in the dining hall checking up on all of the cadets. He was sitting in the corner with Commander Erwin and had a cup of tea in his hand. You weren’t sure what came over you, but you started approaching him with a newfound confidence you didn’t have before. 

“Hiiii,” You tried your best to appear sober, but your words just came out overly excited and silly.

“Hi, Cadet,” Erwin says before Levi gets a chance to speak. “Enjoying yourself?” 

“Yes, sir!” You sloppily salute them both before grabbing a seat at their table. “Sooo, Levi.” You start inappropriately speaking to your captain while leaning over the table, purposely so he has a view of your chest and your slightly unbuttoned blouse. This was unfortunately an attempt at flirting.

“Yes, Cadet?” Captain Levi ignores that you didn’t refer to him as captain. For some reason, you’re the only one he allows to cross the line a little, even when you’re not drunk out of your mind. 

“Oh, I-I just, I’m s-so, drunk. I don’t think I can walk back to my room.” You feign innocence and pout. He raises an eyebrow, unsure of what you’re getting at, but this was quite amusing for him. Usually, you’re so confident and rational that you never speak out of line like this. “Can you carry me to my room, sir?” For theatrics, you lay the back of your palm on your forehead and flip around so that the back of your head is lying on the table, and you’re now looking at your captain, who is upside down. Even upside down, he is so handsome. This makes Erwin chuckle. Oh god, it's a bad idea to be upside down. You suddenly get dizzy. Eren looks over and sees this fiasco and mumbles to himself, “shit,” before running over to you.

“Hey Y/N, you look tired; let’s get you back to your bunk.” Eren lifts you by your arms, and you let yourself be a dead weight while giggling. Your vision quickly jumps from an upside-down Levi to a right-side-up Eren, who was pulling you into him. 

“Hi, Eren.” You smiled at him sweetly. “Will you carry me to my room since you’re so strong?” You refer back to when he was trying to convince you to choose him. You then add more sweetness by giving him big puppy-dog eyes. 

Eren looks past you and apologizes to Captain Levi and Commander Erwin before he brings his attention back to you. “Yeah, of course.” Before Eren says anything else, you jump into him, grab the sides of his face, and kiss him passionately. His eyes widen, and his arms are weakly laid across your hips in an awkward fashion. He’s red from ear to ear when you pull away from his lips. Eren takes a moment to collect himself and then carries you on his back to your room. You fell asleep on his shoulder, and he laid you in your bunk and covered you with a blanket before he left. He walked away, brushing his lips with his fingers. He wondered if you’d remember doing that in the morning. 

-

Back to Captain Levi and Commander Erwin, who just watched Eren carry you off to bed. “That could’ve been you if you said yes,” Erwin says, raising an eyebrow and directing his laughter at Levi. 

“Oh, shut up; the brat just got too drunk for her own good.” Levi scoffed and continued to drink his tea, but his thoughts were filled with what-ifs. What would have happened if Eren hadn’t pulled you away? Would it have been him trying to take care of your drunk ass? He huffs to himself and calls it a night before standing up and leaving Erwin along with the rest of the cadets. He was suddenly no longer interested in being there.

-

Meanwhile, Jean saw everything. His chest hurt, but he reminded himself that he needed things like this in order to move on from you. Deep down, though, he kept wondering why Eren and not him. Was it just because Eren was there? Or do you secretly like Eren too? Liking Levi was one thing, but Eren was someone you could easily have if you so chose. Jean decided to have another drink.