#like I get you might say that if you a) work for marvel and/or b) don't look too closely

[musette22]

I am once again doing my own head in thinking about how people love saying Bucky is like a brother to Steve, and wondering whether, if Bucky had been a girl, they would likewise say Bucky is like a sister to Steve, and how actually we all know the answer to that

[bystarlightlore]

first things first: my boys are so touchy & affectionate with each other & it's the cutest, most adorable thing on planet earth.

i die.

moving on...

sweet alex, he’s all heart. prattling along, just as happy as he can be. 

it’s integral to watch our sunshine boy in this scene. 

the book & film are both from alex’s perspective, but there’s one thing that we’re afforded between the pages that doesn’t fully make it on screen — his emotional & cognitive layers. & that’s not anybody’s fault & it doesn’t make the film any less incredible, that’s just how adaptations occur sometimes. you can’t translate everything on screen & honestly, that’s the way it should be. some things can just stay in the written story.

tzp did a marvelous job of pulling some of those pieces from the story & threading them into alex’s movements, expressions, & actions. he gave us everything that he could & he did it phenomenally. i can’t imagine anyone else being our alex. i can’t get over how perfectly he was casted.

all this to reiterate, it’s so key to watch alex here.

we get to see some of his layers. he goes from playful, to pensive, to deeply sincere — “i’ve never felt this way about anyone” — & from there, he shifts into an incredibly exposed emotional space & you see him gather himself, working through his words & trying to share his heart in the most fluent way he can.

“it’s like there’s a rope attached to my chest & it keeps pulling me towards you.”

there’s never been a moment in his life where can’t share exactly how he feels. he’s always been free to do so. for alex, there was never a question about if he’d tell henry, the question was what he’d tell henry, & once he solved the what, he could proceed with the when. 

his mom asked if he felt ‘forever’ about henry & he didn’t consciously know at the time. (i’m a firm believer in the fact that they’ve been in love all along but that’s not the topic right now.) he watches henry in the bar & that’s where he figures it out. the next step is to tell him. point a to b. no detours. 

“& it feels so right”

all heart, all the time. our sunshine boy.

i don’t see fear here, i rarely do in alex, but i do see timidity. so with our eyes on him in this scene, we watch him waffle through his words, barreling toward the inevitable.

he stays in physical contact with henry the entire time — running his hands along his forearm, tangling their fingers together, tracing circles on henry’s wrist & back. i think he needs it here just as much as he wants it.

the most that alex has ever discovered & understood about himself has been through touching henry. he knows himself best when he’s skin-to-skin with the man he loves.

this moment cannot be any different.

—- “what i mean to say is, henry, i—“ 

i’d give anything to hear it come out of his mouth fully here. i want to know how it sounds under the texas sun — someplace as bright & warm as he is.

alex has never had to fear his own heart; even in the moments where he wasn't sure where it was going. after the NYE kiss, he went to nora to grapple with his feelings & he tried to talk to henry about it, but he never, ever shied away from how he felt. he wasn't raised to. following that giant, gorgeous heart is in his nature. he's always been encouraged to be exactly who he is.

the same cannot be said for our prince.

our mythic, beautiful boy. he literally looks like he's crumbling here. mournful, finite cracks in his glistening, alabaster stone. an absolute masterpiece withered by expectation, tainted legacies, hopeless hopes, & crippling fears.

he has to shy away. he doesn't believe or even entertain the idea that he might have a choice. to be so in love, but so trapped that your love can tangle its roots into the earth, but never bloom.

distance & longing take up far too much space in those stunning hazel eyes. it's all too much for him here. no fight or fawn, just freeze and flight. he did it all in expression: from pure bliss, to the dawn of fear, to desperate wanting, to heartbreak, to retreat. (nicholas galitzine, you wonderfully gifted creature)

in our prince’s head, it doesn’t matter how bad he wants to hear the words. it doesn’t matter if he’s loved alex & wanted alex all this time. his heart — their hearts — are of no consequence to the trajectory of their lives. & so, despite all this time; despite everything that’s passed between them in the past year — the firsts & the tender moments, the texts, calls, & emails, the falling in love — henry does the one thing he’s always had to do, lock himself up & run away. just like he did on new year’s eve.

alex has spent a year working him loose; making him feel as free & loved & authentic as he possibly can. he’s kneaded every tight curve, massaged every tensioned inch. & henry has put in the same amount of work learning to allow himself to be cared for. for someone to see his bright places, his passions, his wittiness, tenacity, & sparks.

our boys have grown so much & yet sadly, in a moment, terror bends henry back into an ill -fitting place.

the progress isn’t lost, just tucked away. fear is one hell of a keeper.

& you see him dressed up again in his suit. ramrod straight, prim & proper, the closed-off prince of england’s hearts that climbed out of his car to meet alex at kensington a year ago. a man of few words & little feeling. because there’s too much risk in feeling. feeling leads you to a dock in the middle of the lake in texas, listening to the man you love willing & ready to love you back, but you can’t be overjoyed — because you’re terrified.

grab your tissues, kids. im sure as hell grabbing mine.

[sxcret-garden]

Yunho ღ NSFW Alphabet [M]

ღ Ateez - NSFW Alphabets ღ Ateez Yunho x gn!reader (some parts might work better with fem-bodied!reader) ღ words: ~3.5k ღ genre: smut ღ warnings: none

A = Aftercare (what he’s like after sex)

He’s soso sweet :( oftentimes he already thought of preparing the essentials beforehand - some water, towels, some snacks,... and he won’t hesitate to provide you with anything else you might want or need after having sex. Takes especially good care of you if you’ve been going at it for a long time and/or if he got a little rough with you. He enjoys staying up with you afterwards, holding you close while just talking about literally anything, and he always wants to know whether you enjoyed yourself, if there’s anything you want him to do differently next time, and so on.

B = Body part (his favorite body part of his partner)

Your waist. He just loves the shape of it, loves tracing his fingertips along your sides, and though he’s trying not to make it obvious at first, it really just is obvious. Blushes a little when you ask him why he likes it so much and just tells you it’s pretty before pressing a kiss to your lips. Even when he’s looking at you from afar he can’t help but let his eyes trace your shape over and over again, and when he’s finally alone with you, you will catch him marveling at your beauty, wishing he could spend all day mapping out your shapes with his lips and worshipping your body.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum)

Your pleasure is his top priority when having sex with you, so it’s likely you’re gonna cum more often than him overall. And of course he eventually wants to chase his own high as well, but he just can’t stop searching for all the different ways in which he can get you off because he gets so addicted to the way your body reacts to him. His favourite is having you cum around his fingers, showering you with praises as if he got drunk on the feeling of your contracting around his digits. As for him, he loves it when you simply let him cum into your fist as you’re giving him a handjob. Idk, something about seeing his cum dripping down your fingers just really does it for him.

D = Dirty secret (a dirty secret or secret desire of his)

That time he caught you getting off by yourself and he just couldn’t bring himself to walk away. He didn’t even see anything, he just walked into his apartment, not knowing you had already come home, and he didn’t seem to be the only one unaware of the other’s presence. Because even when he deliberately closed the door loudly, your moans didn’t stop. And so he stood there, frozen up, and feeling himself being very much affected by what’s unfolding in the other room. And he just can’t stop himself from getting painfully turned on by the sounds falling from your lips as you’re bringing yourself closer and closer to your high.

He’ll keep this a secret from you for a very long time, because he knows he should’ve just walked back out and returned a bit later instead of listening in on you. But eventually he’ll tell you about it, once you’ve been dating for long enough to be sure you wouldn’t feel awkward about this anymore.

E = Experience (how experienced is he?)

Average I’d say? He’s had sexual partners before, but not that many. He doesn’t seem like the type to jump from relationship to relationship, and I also think one-night-stands are more of an occasional thing for him, but overall I think he has at least some experience!

F = Favorite position 

Depends on what mood he’s in, but usually a kind of position where he can observe you well. An all time favourite of his has got to be you having your back against his chest, while you’re standing or sitting in front of a mirror. He wants to see all your reactions and watches your reflection with great interest as he touches you. Plus, there’s just something very hot to him about also seeing himself taking you from behind in a mirror… When he’s frustrated or being rough with you however, he’ll prefer to bend you over the nearest surface and to have his way with you like that.

G = Goofy (is he more serious in the moment? is he humorous?)

There’s definitely gonna be the occasional giggle when you’re sleeping with him. He’s super chill about embarrassing situations, and will always want to convey to you that everything’s okay - sometimes you’re just gonna be clumsy about something and he actually finds that endearing more than anything. But even then, especially when you’re having very sweet sex, he will make you laugh time and time again to keep a lighthearted mood. However, if you’re being more rough and having kinky sex he’ll be more on the serious side, because he wants to make sure everything that’s happening is alright with you, and that you’re feeling good at all times!

H = Headspace (how much does he think about it/you during the day? how elaborate are his fantasies?)

I think he actually doesn’t think about sex super often? But when he does it’s usually deliberate. He’s very good at keeping his self control in case a sexual thought does pop up in his mind every now and then at an inappropriate time, so it’s also very hard to get him riled up if you’re trying to tease him in public for example. However, when he’s in the comfort of his own home he will let his thoughts wander from time to time, indulging in his own fantasies (whether it’s about a specific person or just anyone in general) and he will usually end up getting off to his own thoughts in the end.

I = Intimacy (how passionate or romantic is he?)

I think he’s both very passionate and very romantic deep inside, though the passion-side doesn’t always show very obviously. He’s responsible and more concerned about your pleasure than his own most of all, so even when you can undeniably see the passion burning in his gaze, he’ll stay in control most of the time and not let it take over - especially if you’re having rough sex. Though that might just make the times when his passion and need for you break through that much hotter… As for his romantic side… that will show most if not all of the time, he just can’t help it. Whether it’s in the way he communicates with you, always making sure you’re on the same page at all times, or in the way he gazes at you lovingly whenever he has the chance, or how he whispers sweet nothings to you throughout. If one thing’s for sure then it’s that this guy will make you feel loved at all times! He might get a little shy about classic romantic acts, you know, like putting on some background music to get in the mood, or candles or rose petals scattered all over the bed, but if you mention to him that you’re into that kind of stuff he’ll definitely one day surprise you with it!

J = Jack off (how does he masturbate and how often?)

I don’t think he gets off all that often? Though he seems like the type to use it to let off some steam at the end of the day, but then it’s really just a quick orgasm and nothing more. As I mentioned above, he will sometimes let his mind wander, and if he’s caught up in his fantasies he might just end up taking more time with pleasuring himself sometimes. But I think that especially when he has a partner, he’d choose having sex with them over masturbating any day.

K = Kink (one of his kinks)

Gonna go with a choking kink here because… if Yunho then hands, and hands around throat just makes him soso horny even when he’s just thinking about it. He occasionally likes having your hands around his throat too, whether you’re just resting them there or actually applying some pressure, but he definitely prefers it the other way around. So if you’re into that too, he will do it quite often. Just the image of his big hands wrapped around your throat is so pretty to him, and he’ll be very responsible about the power that gives him over you. Loves having you watch yourself in the mirror as he’s getting you off with one hand, the other hand around your throat keeping you in place and forcing you to watch as he whispers dirty praises in your ear, but he also loves simply having you underneath him in missionary, fucking into you as he applies pressure to your throat, watching as you’re slowly losing your mind.

L = Location (favorite places to do it)

The comfort of his or your home is definitely by far the nr 1 for him. He’s not a public sex type of guy at all, like the most public he’s willing to go is in the car usually. If you like the thrill of it, he’ll sometimes be willing to get you off in a semi-public space, but in the end he’d really rather be somewhere the both of you can get comfortable and won’t have to worry about being caught or being too loud, etc. However, that doesn’t mean y’all always have to go at it in the bedroom. If you’re both very horny he’ll take any surface available - the couch, the dinner table, the kitchen counter, even the floor. There’s actually something very enticing to him about taking you on the dining table and making you moan his name where he knows friends or family will sit and have a meal with you on another day, without even so much as suspecting what he’s done to you in that very same place.

M = Motivation (what turns him on, gets him going)

Praise! I think praise has got to be his biggest motivator. Hums at you when you tell him how good he’s making you feel and then somehow manages to make you feel even better. This guy could spend all day just getting you off in various ways, fuelled by nothing but the way you praise him, and how he can feel your body reacting to his touch. Even the subtle things, like you melting into his touch or leaning into his hand at the small of your back will make him go crazy about you. And the tension is undeniable when he’s coming closer and closer, not yet giving you that kiss you’re craving or his sweet touch you’ve been longing for all day - it’s his way of riling you up and making you need him, and once he succeeds in making you almost beg for him he’ll be all over you in no time.

And even when the tables are turned, and you’re the one taking care of him, every praise falling from your lips will sound like heaven to him. He WILL blush as you keep praising him while bringing him closer to the edge, and the sounds you can get out of him as you continue sweet-talking him towards his orgasm will be so sinful and perfect, and yet not something he’d ever let you hear otherwise.

N = No (something he wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Receiving pain can be a big turn-off for him. Unless done right, he’s just not into it, and actually finds it kind of awkward? It just doesn’t feel right to him most of the time, and will ruin the mood so fast. However, in certain situations, when he’s about to cum, that definitely changes, and a slightly painful sensation like you pulling his hair a bit roughly or digging your fingernails into his skin might serve to enhance his pleasure!

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

He’s pretty decent at giving oral I’d say. And though his favourite way of getting you off is simply using his hands, he’s more than willing to give you head rather often as well. There’s just something so intimate and sexy about the way his eyes will be glued to your face the whole time, checking for even the slightest reaction to his touches. This helps him figure out what you like and what drives you crazy very quickly, and he’ll be damned if he doesn’t put that knowledge to good use. Loves the taste of you and how it feels when you cum into his mouth. 

The other way around he’d never say no to receiving oral from you, and prefers it when he can just lean back and enjoy the ride. Won’t really do much except telling you how well you’re doing, until he’s coming really close or if you’re edging him. Then he’ll eventually reach the point where he can’t take it anymore and he’ll buck his hips up into your mouth or grab your hair (if possible) to keep you in place and fuck your mouth until he reaches his high.

P = Pace (is he fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Yunho is naturally more on the sensual side, with everything. Whether he’s giving you just his fingers, head, or his dick. But the thing with him is also that he’s pretty versatile and is willing to adapt to his partner’s likes quite a lot. So if you’re into a fast and rough pace, he’ll give you exactly what you want, and he’ll definitely end up enjoying it too! Though if it were entirely up to him, he usually prefers going slow and taking his time worshipping your body and mapping out all your favourite places to be touched. Only when he’s very desperate or his very dominant side comes out he’ll become rougher, but even then he tends to still be slow, to savour every single moment, every sound coming out of your mouth and every sensation flowing through your bodies.

Q = Quickie (his opinions on quickies?)

He’s the type who would rather take his time with his partner usually!! However, at certain times a quickie is an appreciated change of pace so to say. If having sex with him normally is all about your pleasure, then a quickie is usually more about him, and so he tends to get a bit rough during them (unless you tell him you don’t like that of course). He just needs you right here and right now, and if you’ve been out or one of you haven’t been home, there’s a chance the frustration has been boiling deep inside for a while, and now that he finally has you to himself, all of that will come bursting out of him at once. You can tell how much he needs you by the way he kisses you impatiently and how he manhandles you into the exact position he wants you in. It’s not rare for him to cum quickly in a situation like this, and not leave enough time for you to reach your high as well. So if the situation allows for it, he’ll slow down once he’s caught his breath and make sure you get your fair share of pleasure as well. But then it’s not really a quickie anymore so alksdöfjs yeah, he really is the type to want to indulge properly after all.

R = Risk (does he like to experiment or take risks?)

He’s not a risk-taker at all. That said, he prefers having sex when it’s guaranteed there’s no risk of getting caught in the act (it kinda ruins the mood for him ngl). However, I do think he loves the sight of watching his cum dripping out of you, so if it’s about not using a condom he’s down for it, so long as you’re using some other form of protection instead.

S = Stamina (how long does he last?)

Has A LOT of stamina. He doesn’t really need a long recovery period until he can go again after cumming once, but even then he knows more than enough things to do in between - whether that’s making out with you or going straight to getting you off again. I think he can last several rounds, and he knows just what to do to make sure he’ll have the energy to keep going for as long as possible.

T = Toys (does he own toys? does he use them? on a partner or himself?)

I do think he’s a fan of toys! Might have one or two for himself, but definitely has a few to use with a partner! Loves getting them out for in between rounds, so he can continue pleasing you while he rests. Toys to him are mostly about enhancing your pleasure, so he’ll pick them accordingly and discuss with you what you want him to use on you. He likes watching your reaction to them, and tbh he also enjoys that they allow for him to have a lot of control over you while being able to give you multiple orgasms once you’ve figured out what works best for you.

U = Unfair (how much he likes to tease)

Yunho isn’t much of a teaser originally, it’s really not something that needs to be a part of sex for him. He’s more of a praise kinda guy, but if you like being teased he’s up for trying! And seeing the reactions he can get out of you with it, it’ll quickly become something you do often. Vice versa, it can go two ways. If you’ve established a dynamic where he takes on a very dominant role he’ll definitely make you regret teasing him by teasing you back harder and maybe even going as far as not to let you cum until you’ve begged for it. However, if there’s no such dynamic between you two he’ll probably be super flustered if you tease him. Especially if your teasing is verbal while you’re going at it, he’ll be blushing so hard and won’t know how to respond cjxnxnxn

V = Volume (how loud or vocal is he? what does he sound like?)

He isn’t really loud. He definitely talks a lot - ongoing communication while you’re having sex is very important to him, plus he finds it hot too. Some dirty talk certainly gets him going! Otherwise he’s pretty quiet, but you will hear him moan as he gets closer, and then sometimes he’s just gonna let out the most unholy sounds you didn’t think he’d be capable of producing…

W = Wild card (a random headcanon)

Your mind clouded by pleasure and your knees weakening, you’ve melted fully into Yunho’s touch. He has his arm around your waist, and if it wasn’t for the fact that you’re coming close to your orgasm you might’ve been embarrassed about your fucked out expression you find in the mirror right in front of you. Yunho has his face buried in your neck, kissing and nipping at the skin there, his slender fingers ghosting just above your core as he mutters a praise.

“So pretty for me…” he breathes and you arch your back just a little more, immediately feeling him hitting that sweet spot inside you.

“Y-yun… ‘m close…” is all you can whine, and you hear him hissing a curse below your ear. 

“Fuck, me too,” he growls through gritted teeth, all while never taking his eyes off the mirror. “Wanna see your pretty face when you cum.” You let out yet another desperate whine at his words, and when his fingers come in contact with your core for some extra stimulation, you know you won’t last another ten seconds. 

“C-coming… Yun… I’m-” Your high crashes down on you, and you feel yourself shaking violently in his hold as he lets out a strained groan and releases inside you, muttering once again how pretty you look in the mirror.

X = (X) as a mark (does he like marking you/being marked? where?)

While he doesn’t want any marks on his or your body to be visible when you’re wearing clothes, he does quite enjoy the sensation of getting marked. You marking him actually activates his possessive side, and is one of the ways to make sure he’ll get rough with you afterwards. Might mark you back, though he prefers doing it with his fingernails dragged across your skin than giving you a hickey. As mentioned before, he’s overall not the biggest fan of being made to feel pain during sex, but if you’re both very close and you end up biting or scratching him in the heat of the moment, that will very much add some more pleasure for him!

Y = Yearning (how high is his sex drive?)

Somewhere in the middle I’d say? Not suuuper high, though his sex drive definitely increases when he has a partner, especially when you haven’t been together for long. He’s not the type to want sex everyday - he’d much rather do it only a few times a week, on days where you can really take your time and enjoy yourselves. But don’t let yourself be fooled, once he does get horny he gets reaaaaally into it!

Z = Zzz (how quickly he falls asleep afterwards)

As I already mentioned, he’s really big on aftercare, so most often he will stay up with you for another while after having sex. In general I don’t think he’s that easily tired out, so won’t be the type to blackout right away.

[raribella]

Love is Embarrassing | JJ Maybank

summary: although JJ had promised your brother he wouldn’t ever hurt you, you saw him kissing Kie while you were on a break.

pairing: JJ Maybank x Routledge!reader

genre: emotionally heavy anst, fluff in the end

contains: reader being a real bitch, mentions of Luke and parental abuse, inspired by some songs in the album “GUTS” by Olivia Rodrigo, kinda shitty ending but let me know.

word count: 2,7k

author’s note: alright I know I’ve been MIA and a bitch and I haven’t posted anything in months (worse if you see how much stuff is on my “upcoming works” section), but I’ve just had a lot of ideas, little time and little confidence to write. one of my best friends just showed me obx and I’m in love with this blonde and I got (I think) a spoiler about him and Kie and I just had to do something with my feelings.

This is a work of fiction. I do not own the characters of Outer Banks nor any characteristic of the show. I am writing this story solely for my own entertainment and the marvel or comfort of any readers.

“If I fuck up with her that might as well be the last thing I do in my life, John B! I mean it!”

the words that JJ heatedly uttered to your twin brother the day he found out about the two of you were repeating over and over in your head right now. You remembered it all too well; John B was seething, absolutely pissed, seeing red. You and JJ Maybank knew each other for as long as he and your brother were best friends, when you turned 14, he declared to all the Pogues that you were off limits, and about two months ago, you and JJ started seeing each other. One month into it and JB discovered you, which was easy considering JJ already spent most of his time with both of you at the Chateau. JJ promised his best friend that he wouldn’t fuck up with you because two things mattered the most for him in this life; their friendship, and yourself.

But as of lately, he was having some problems with Luke and he asked for some time “out” so he could figure his shit out without involving or hurting you and you disagreed but you’d do pretty much anything in this world for this man so you decided to say yes.

To his bullshit.

Bullshit, you figured out about half an hour ago, when you heard a confusing conversation between him and Kiara – the perfect one – and when you went outside to track the noise, you saw them kissing.

You were fifteen minutes late to leave for the weekly kegger and you forced yourself to lock yourself in the bathroom and call in sick – because that you were, and you wouldn’t handle being out partying and pretending like seeing the kooks, and seeing them two wouldn’t make you feel the same type of nausea at this moment.

Sarah was the third person to try and make you get out of the bathroom. The first being your brother and the second, Pope. Although you were thankful neither JJ nor Kie had tried to talk to you, when you heard your best friend’s voice, you were actually starting to feel sick, you were having a migraine from holding tears up, and you were sweating.

“Y/n, come on! You were so excited to come not even an hour ago, we’re already late and I don’t see why wouldn’t you want to come”

Your vision was blurry as you palmed the door and laid your forehead on it. Sarah realized that you really weren’t coming when she heard your voice crack.

“Sarah please, just, go on out without me this one time, I need not to be there right now and I also need to be alone please don’t ask me questions I can’t handle to answer you this moment I promise-“

As you rambled, she frowned from the other side of the door. Making sure to get everyone to leave for the Kegger, to try and remember asking you about this later on, and to reassure John B that you were actually okay.

You’ve been successfully avoiding JJ for about two weeks now. It started with enough discretion, allegedly going to the bathroom every time he entered a room, or offering everyone any snacks you would spend too much time preparing in the kitchen. For him, it started getting obvious when you looked the other way when he looked at you at the beach, or when you refused to surf and, as of recently, started slamming the doors on him. JJ was getting pissed at this rate. He started by simply frowning and brushing it off, but you couldn’t just keep slamming doors and not even looking at him, and if everyone else noticed, they just wouldn’t budge! The worst part is that he didn’t know what had happened nor if he could fix it. You understood him when he told you he needed time to figure out some stuff with Luke, but the truth was he was still very much freaked out about that. He still loved you, and he couldn’t afford to see you like this anymore, especially when such behavior was being directed at him. JJ missed you. Even if he couldn’t really figure his shit out, he missed you screaming at the top of your lungs as you entered the sea, he missed your smile, your laidback grin that he was the only receiver of, he missed your colorful bikinis, and how they embraced your features as you would jump onto every wooden swing near the shore, your curly hair flying everywhere filled with salt spray. He just missed you, the real you. And he had to talk to you to see if there was even a chance that he could get you back.

You, on the other hand, kept avoiding the questioning looks the pogues would send you every time you were harsh or avoidant at JJ, your brother even attempted to talk to you, silently, just with glances, and figure out if his best friend had hurt you. But even if he did, it only hurt because you loved him too much, and you decided it was best to protect him from John B’s wrath. You felt embarrassed whenever Kiara questioned you with her eyes as well; you felt embarrassed to be near her. You kept crucifying yourself and both her and JJ because of everything, often zoning out of the conversation and just bitterly reminiscing about the times you consoled your boyfriend as he cried late at night in your room, being gentle with his bruises. – thinking how could you be so stupid? giving up everything, betting on him against your brother’s better judgment. You kept paying attention to Kie and how, since that day, she looked like the sweetest thing of the Cut, the fucking hell-side of the island. Her perfume lingered in the air even at the beach and made you feel sick; you saw her everywhere now, even when you looked at him. You saw the scene of them kissing. Feeling every word she would utter toward you in conversation like bullets on your skin. As it was torture how she was the greatest thing to ever exist – how everyone loved her, how she was so much better than you; poisoning everything that you do and still being the sweetest friend, making you despise how rotten your mind was; how jealous your eyes were.

You were bottled up to the brim.

It started out simple enough. JJ had noticed everyone was doing their own thing at the Chateau; John B was absent for the time being, and you were alone on the couch, fidgeting, focused on whatever. It seemed like the perfect window to try and have an actual conversation about what’s been happening. He just didn’t expect it all to escalate so quickly. He didn’t expect you to have seen a part of his conversation with Kiara about his dad – but not everything, not the ending. – He hadn’t expected a conversation with you of all people to become a bomb with a short fuse that would explode into feelings tainted crimson. watching you bleed, making him bleed all over for you.

"Pogues don't mack on pogues, y/n! this shit freaked me out, your brother finding out freaked me out, yeah, even if he’s my best friend and I was afraid that-”

“Oh, so you go ‘round and fucking get with Kiara?! this is fucking bullshit, JJ! bullshit-

“Y/n, listen to me!”

You both were screaming, Kie’s eyes went wide as she tried calling your name as well but you had already started crying and couldn’t pay attention to anyone but him. At this point, as John B arrived at the Chateau and followed the noise, the people around you calming you down couldn’t be sure if they were afraid of his arrival or actually relieved. You kept interrupting each other. JJ pulled his hair and you pointed at yourself and to your side – as if Kiara was still there – strength marking red fingertips above your chest.

“‘Cause she’s not even a real pogue, right?! that’s why you got so confident about it, huh?”

it was almost as if the room went silent. Kiara decided to step outside to give you space; to take a moment to breathe in and take notice that you didn’t mean that. She was sure you didn’t. The rest of the group started to move aside as well although they could obviously still hear the commotion. Only you, John B, and JJ were in the living room. Your brother grabbed your shoulders from behind trying to ground you in any way he could, JJ growing nervous at the rate of the conversation and his friend’s presence.

You looked into his eyes and it was as if the blue in them was slowly fading, his eyebrows shot up and his mouth twisted in a clearly upset frown. As tears stained your cheeks, pride still overpowering your shame and feelings pent up, you started with more meaningless empty jabs, which, said angrily enough, would only make JJ bleed more as he fell silent himself.

“I really loved you, you know? You gotta laugh at the stupidity.. right? Come on you were going around doing that shit and I swear JJ I used to think was really smart… I was just a mesmerizing, paralyzing, fucked-up little thrill for you, tho… best friend’s little twin… ridiculous.”

At that, John B diverted his attention toward his friend with stern questioning eyes. JJ gulped.

“Look, man I just really need to talk to her and explain myself, ‘aight? I didn’t do what- Things are really not what they seem right now and I need her to-“

“Fuck, JJ, that’s bullshit! How can you not even flinch when you fucking lie like that! Things are just like what they seem you never even fucking loved me! You can’t love anyone, ‘cause that would mean you had a heart, right? But you’re a fucking Maybank! And I really tried to help you out all this time but now I know that I can’t!”

You were calming down, but exploded again, as the words left your mouth though, you started regretting them, the most deeply someone could ever regret anything maybe, worsening by the second as you saw the man you still loved muttering a small “no”, cracking at your words and shedding a tear. As Kiara heard what you said from the outside, she didn’t even think before bursting into the house again, turning every head in her direction.

“Y/n you’re spiraling and you’re saying things you’ll fucking regret! I kissed him, alright?! This is my fault. He stopped me, he loves you and he wouldn’t do that, okay?”

Though the words she was muttering were calming you down, she was calling you out, she was absolutely mad at what you said about JJ’s father because she had context and it was really fucked up. You felt small.

“Kiss?!” John B asked, his eyebrows shooting up. It wasn’t his intention to aggravate the situation but it was his little sister involved. JJ tried to start talking and explain the situation – which Kiara had left him to, but he could really only think about one thing.

“I- uh… did you mean it? What you said.”

JJ rarely expressed any sign of vulnerability, so as his voice broke, you felt like your heart did too, rushing to explain yourself now, and trying to get closer to him.

“I didn’t mean it, J, I really didn’t! God, I don’t even know how you can still even look at me right now I’m so sorry I was just so fucking broken at the idea of you che- of losing you, and I- I thought you had found someone else and I damn near started world war III right now and it’s just because I love you so much and I know you don’t deserve another fucked up demonstration of love, you deserve to feel so good, Jay, and I’m really sorry, I love you so so much, and I will understand if you never-“

You were interrupted by the shock of his own body against yours. The both of you were panting, crying, completely tired sighs leaving each mouth as if this was all going on for days and you were so hurt, yet needing each other so much. John B and Kiara were ‘okay’ enough with the newfound situation to leave you both to your own devices again, and you just clung to one another, sitting on the floor for what felt like hours until he decided to speak again.

“Y/n… I asked for us to take some time because it was becoming too real, y’know? What we felt for each other.. it was, touchable- it is. And when everyone else found out, and then John B… You know I don’t talk about this usually, not with anyone but you, but I didn’t want my dad to find out about us, to find out about you. I don’t want him knowing what you are for me I don’t want him knowing that laying a single finger on you can be worse than any punch he could throw my way. And I wanted to figure this out without you knowing about it because you’d say it’s fine, and I-“

As your mind processes his words, you start to think how in the world you got a man whose the first concern about a monster of a father would be you. How could you deserve it, especially after what you had insinuated about him. “It is! It’s fine, honey, we can-“

“No, y/n it’s not fine because I don’t ever want you to even worry your pretty little head about a situation like that, y’know? And It’s not fine because the pogues are my family and the love I feel for you, if anything would happen to you because of him I’ll be damned, damned, and in jail for murder, you can trust me I will.”

He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. All you could do was keep the hold you had on each other, slightly caressing his head.

“Since I didn’t want you to know about it, I went to Kie, that night of the Kegger, and she tried to help me and she said she loved me and I did too but then she kissed me and I assume it’s what you saw but I did step back, I promise! I told her off… Y/n I told your brother that if I intentionally hurt you, if I fucked up with you like this then that might as well be the last thing I did in my life and I mean it. I love you so much, little Routledge, and I’m all in now. We can figure shit out as we go but as long as we have each other, okay?”

As JJ spoke, he held your hands, reassuring you at the end. Hours had passed ever since you started talking, so when the pogues felt everything was calmer they decided to go back in the house slowly – figure out how you were, what were the plans for the night.

“Do you really forgive me for what I said? I will understand, J, I’m so, so sorry, I love you so much” You touched your forehead with his, and JJ sighed, shaking his head slightly. “I love you. I love you, y/n… can’t be without you.”

And as you both kissed each other as if you were making up for ages lost, Sarah smiled at the corner of the room, John B interrupting the show. “Come on with the PDA, love birds… What are we doing tonight, then?” He half-heartedly scolded as you got up, hand glued to the blonde's. You let out a big sigh again, before brushing them off with an honest, but half-assed excuse, already making the way to your room.

“I mean, you could go to Heyward’s… I think we’ll just lie down a bit.. ‘twas kinda draining…” you saw a bunch of side smiles as the group left through the door, Sarah grinned, letting out a puff of air through her nose, and when Pope went to close the door, he screamed back in the direction of your room, “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!” which earned a scream back from an already lying down JJ, “might as well not do anything!” and for the first time in a while, you laughed, making your way to lie on top of him, his embrace being all you needed.

“You know… we could go out to surf tomorrow,” he offered, still missing the sight of a happy you, your bikini, and the ocean.

“First thing in the morning.” You answered.

[sadesluvr]

Battinson! Bruce Wayne - NSFW Alphabet

A/N: Okay, I know I’m *really* late to the party but for some reason I’m back in my superhero era (I’m a retired Marvel girlie😔✊) and I’ve got Battinson brainrot….This is my first time writing for any Batman, and I haven’t rewatched the movie in entirety so sorry if this isn’t accurate!! :3

Written with a fem! reader in mind, but can be applied to anyone :)

18+ only, Minors DNI!

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

He’s always very caring, if not very subtly. I get the vibe that he’d become shy/reclusive after sex again, and so he communicates through his actions. If he lost control with you, he’d get you a rag/water/etc and leave it by you, and either signal to Alfred to run you a bath, or do it himself.

He stares at you, and you *might* not know what he’s thinking, but it’s definitely positive…He loves you and it’s scary :’)

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

He’s quite neutral on his body, but he likes his hands. It’s one of the parts of his body that gets the most work done, and they’re the same ones to protect you. On his partner, even though he appreciates your entirety, he’s a hips and thighs guy.

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

Prefers cumming in you. It’s a deeply intimate act, and although there are big implications he loves the sensation of your walls clenching around him, and the way he feels inside you.

It’s also less messy! Still, he’s not averse to cumming on you… See W for more ;)

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He enjoys voyeurism, or ‘stalking’. Before you’re in an official relationship, he’ll follow you around the city, getting used to the routes you take and places you frequent. It starts off in a place of curiosity and desire to protect, but it gets a little kinky when he sees you semi-nude, or having sex with someone. He literally can’t get the image out of his head, it’s in his contacts…

When you’re together, he likes watching you get ready. We know he’s quiet af, so you won’t ever notice him standing outside a door/in a corner as you get ready, or undressed to take a shower. He’s even watched you touch yourself and it gets him so hard

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

None…Like, he may even be a virgin lmao (Which is HOT if Reader is experienced😳) The first time with you may be a little awkward - he’s not bad, but it takes a while to get him to feel relaxed and vocal about his needs. Practice makes perfect ;)

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)

Cowgirl - He likes being able to hold onto your waist and thighs while you fuck yourself on him, and he loves looking at you in the heat of the moment. Your whole body is on display, and it’s beautiful.

He also likes missionary!! It’s classic and romantic, and his favourite position to cum inside you. He melts when you cling onto his back and beg in his ear…

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

He’s not overly humorous, and your first times together are deadly serious. But, he’s basically a human cat and whilst he isn’t playful, he will make a dry joke or crack a smile at the little things when the time comes - He just takes a while.

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

Bruce isn’t a hairy guy, so the carpet definitely matches the drapes. Before being in a relationship with you I don’t see him caring that much of what he looks like down below, but he keeps it trim. Any hair is very light/short to the point that he may as well be clean shaven. He couldn’t care less about what hair his partner does or doesn’t have as it’s not something that’s a dealbreaker for him.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

OKAY. At first, he is definitely a little distant, detached even, but it’s literally because he’s inexperienced and is at one of his most vulnerable points. He does the basics, like checking in to see if you’re okay, but it seems a bit strained. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t care, of course! As time goes on, and he starts to be open to the whole idea of love, he can become very romantic. It’s dark af in the manor already, but he *might* become open to the idea of candles/mood lighting, just for you. He’ll touch and caress you more, say a few words in your ear, and he’ll always give you eye contact! Sex is really revealing for him so it’s always a big affair.

(I headcanon that a lot of his ideas of romance are kind of old fashioned, just because of how he grew up viewing his parents’ marriage, and Alfred is quite the old school gentleman, and the only one around him to give advice…It’s cute🥹)

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

Is not a chronic masturbator. Only really does it when he’s very pent up and agitated, or after he’s been around/seen you (ref: D). His loads are pretty normal.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

Clothing (?) - Idk if this is a kink, but seeing you in a nice outfit gives him a kick. He definitely likes clothed sex.

Voyeurism - Mentioned in D

Praise kink - He’ll probably never admit it, but he likes hearing how he makes you feel, especially when your relationship is new! He’s inexperienced so he likes the reinforcement.

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)

A bedroom, or any closed room, preferably. The *only* time he’s willing to shower without Alfred telling him to is when you say you’ll go with him /hj

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

A combination of the little things. He’s definitely attracted to energy, but on the physical side seeing you in a nice outfit gets him going. Like, imagine getting ready for a gala…He’d spend hours watching you get ready, just in awe of how ethereal you look. Touching him, specifically when it’s not inherently sexual - Running your hands on his torso, arms, or the back of his neck to check his injuries or wipe off his makeup. It’s a way of seeing him.

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Hurting you, so no kind of BDSM. The regular things like scatplay/pissplay/bodily fluids. Calling him ‘Daddy’… Absolutely not.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

A CERTIFIED MUNCH. I’m talking that video of James Brown sweating, okay?🙈 He loves to pleasure you, and that means spending hours between your thighs, exploring every inch of your folds. Loves spreading your thighs apart, tracing circles on them as he makes you squirm and you hold onto his hair. He wouldn’t say no to a blowjob once in a while (Cumming in your mouth is his guilty pleasure), but definitely prefers giving. Can make you cum from oral alone.

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

A mix of both! It’s always sensual, but sometimes he loses control and will get a bit rough, but it’s underpinned by his desperation and want for release.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

Doesn’t mind them, but prefers when you have 100% of each others’ attention. Quickies in the Batcave definitely hit different, though ;)

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

Not much, imo. Outside of having sex in the Batcave he likes to keep his lives separate, especially as he’s from such a well-respected family. Anything in public would be a PR nightmare and he’d rather not.

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

The first time, he definitely cums quickly. He’s a little ashamed but it’s kinda flattering. After that, he’s got good stamina - he could probably do three rounds - but it’s dependent on how he’s feeling at the time. He doesn’t sleep much so downtime can be between 5 mins to hours if he wants another session.

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

He doesn’t own toys, but would secretly love it if you did. Likes watching you use a vibrator - especially when you don’t know he’s watching).

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

He’s not a tease, tbh. His hands might linger in certain areas for longer than normal, when he’s in the mood, but other than that there’s not much.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

He switches between loud and quiet! When he enters you, he always starts off with little whimpers and grunts, his sounds coming from behind his clenched teeth. As his pace quickens and he cums, he gets louder, with desperate moans and pants coming from deep with his chest. His volume level is at least a 6.5/10, not loud enough to be heard from another room. It’s the same when he masturbates, and he always whispers a little ‘Shit…’ if he thinks he’s making too much noise.

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

His contacts have recorded everything. I’ll leave it there.

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

Above average, but nothing crazy! It’s got more length than girth.

Soft - 4 inches (10cm)

Hard - 5.9 inches, almost 6 (14.9cm)

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

Average, if not a little lower. He’s human, after all, but his emotional state can get in the way of things. Once you’ve been together a while, it increases as he’s got a person to put to his desires.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

He doesn’t sleep. It’s rare, but sometimes his eyes might *just* fall shut for a few minutes or so after, but he’s pretty much awake beyond that. If you fall asleep quickly, he’ll watch you, or if not he’ll bring you a glass of water/a snack before disappearing again.

[wen-kexing-apologist]

Bad Buddy x ATOTS aka Damn You WMT

Dear @waitmyturtles, fuck you, respectfully wen-kexing-apologist. Turts, I have shit to do, I do not have time for this. But once again I CANNOT STOP THINKING ABOUT IT SO, FUCK ME I GUESS WE’RE DOING A FOREST EPISODE. 

More specifically, we are doing an Our Skyy 2, Episode 15 Part 1/4 post, probably far earlier than I should be, and definitely instead of doing work I absolutely need to be doing. But Pat and Phupa’s interactions in this part of the episode have me thinking about Phupa and his relationship to queerness. 

I don’t know about anyone else, but I had a marvelous time watching Part 1 of our latest Bad Buddy x ATOTS crossover episode. Why? Because it is absolutely incredibly fun to watch Pat personally terrorize the local gay elder. 

What I have really been enjoying in these crossover episodes is watching the ways the similarities and differences in Phupa, Pat, Pran, and Tian play out. Each person spends most of the time paired with the character who play the same role in the relationship but whose personalities and approaches to their relationships are very different. Phupa is the support in his relationship with Tian, Pat is the support in his relationship with Pran, but Phupa never bends and Pat always gives in. 

The thing I love about Pat is that he is unabashed in his queerness, he rolls up on to the scene and starts flirting the second he opens his mouth, and then he 

Literally

Never

Stops

He annoys Pran, he tests the structural integrity of the house with Pran, sure, but he also wakes up next to Phupa and then proceeds to never let Phupa forget that a) he would and b) that they thought they might have. 

He rolls up on the scene as Phupa and his coworker are getting ready to head into the forest, and he starts talking openly and loudly about Phupa’s boyfriend, and the relationship problems they are having. 

Phupa is less than amused.

Phupa does not want Pat coming with him, Pat sneaks into the back of the truck, Phupa begrudgingly allows Pat to come with him and Pat says “you’re the cutest”

Phupa is less than amused. 

I’m gonna skip ahead a little bit and then regress if that is okay with everyone, after Phupa puts bandaid’s on Pat says yet again “what a cute print, Chief”, “you have a cute side, Chief” 

“No wonder teacher is head over heels for you,” 

Here Pat is, one half of the first queer couple to interact with Phupa and Tian in god knows how long or possibly ever, talking casually, happily, loudly, and openly about Phupa’s relationship with Tian and Tian’s feelings for Phupa. Reaffirming to Phupa in a way that it is obvious that Tian is in love with him.  

And still Phupa is not having it. 

As they continue their walk, Pat starts smelling the trees and Phupa is like oh jesus fucking christ what the hell are you doing you are making my life a living hell- “What are you doing?” 

And in response, Pat is very open and sappy about Pran. 

gif from @liyazaki

“Pran smells so good, if he is nearby, I can find him,” and Phupa is flabbergasted. He just stands there for a second, looking Pat up and down like “okay, seriously…what the fuck?” and he is so obvious about it in the way he looks at Pat and in the way he walks away, that Pat is able to tell immediately that Phupa is, once again, not vibing with Pat’s casual references to his queerness, or overt and honest love and admission of intimacy with his partner. Pat knows Pran’s scent so well that he is confident he could pick it up in the middle of the forest. That suggests a level of familiarity with a body that would traditionally be considered uncouth, if you were polite, and doubly so if you are queer. 

gif from @liyazaki

When Phupa starts walking like he’s over the conversation, Pat’s easy smile shifts to confusion “What? Haven’t you smelled Teacher’s body before?” 

(Translation: Aren’t you also so in love with your partner, and aren’t you so intimate with your partner that you could recognize his scent anywhere you went? Looking at you watermelon soap sponsorship…looking at you tea bag smell pouch…)

And it’s the inclusion of the word body that really strikes me here, because to say “what? Haven’t you smelled Teacher before?” evokes a different relationship than “What? Haven’t you smelled Teacher’s body?” does. 

“That’s too bad” Pat says, and leans suggestively close to Phupa. Like a cat toying with a mouse. Pat likes needling at Phupa’s discomfort around explicit references to Pat and Pran’s sex life. And while we know Phupa has most certainly smelled Tian’s body before, Phupa SPINS around, has this brief moment of absolute wide eye about being so blatantly asked a question that alludes to his physical relationship to and with Tian, looks Pat dead in the eye and says “I’m not a pervert like you,”

gif from @liyazaki

Harsh words. Incredibly harsh words, especially because of the connotations of queerness with perversion, especially because iirc from the KinnPorsche LGBTQ+ Facts special on IQIYI, pervert is often an insult used in Thailand for queer people. Phupa is uncomfortable with Pat’s open conversation about his queer relationship, about his queer intimacy and he chooses to meet Pat with homophobia in the way of a slur. 

But Pat is having fun, and I honestly believe he expects that kind of reaction. Pat and Pran were awkward witnesses to Tian and Phupa’s little domestic about watching him shower and looking lovingly into their eyes, but Phupa is stiff the whole time, he is aware that he is engaging in that conversation while other people are present, and he can’t take it and he literally flees. And some of that is because he is getting riled up about their fight, but we see in part 2 of this episode that when Phupa is actually angry with Tian about something, he has no problem standing up and planting his feet to confront Tian about it. 

Anyway, Pat is having fun, and Pat wants to test Phupa and so, completely unphased he starts talking about how Tian smells, as if he is familiar. He is like "my boyfriend smells soooo good, do you smell your boyfriend's body? Your boyfriend smells good" and it’s a direct display of Pat's comfortability with his partner, their closeness, and their level of intimacy. 

“Teacher Tian smells so good” Pat says with the world’s widest grin 

“How do you know that?” Phupa asks almost challenging

“I thought you said you’d never smelled him” 

gif from @liyazaki

Caught ya. Phupa has indirectly admitted to intimacy. Pat has successfully engaged Phupa in a conversation that is completely about Phupa’s queerness. 

And as Part 2 goes on, we are made more and more aware of how little outward public affection Phupa and Tian engage in. If Phupa and Tian touch around other people, there has to be a legitimate reason to do so (Tian fainted, Tian fainted again, Tian fainted a third time, Tian is drunk, Phupa is drunk, etc.). In this episode, Tian is weak and almost collapses in to Phupa’s arms because he exerted himself too much with his heart. Phupa’s hand is on Tian’s back and then Tian is away from him and standing upright, and when Phupa, Tian, Pat, and Pran exit the forest and enter the clearing of the safe house. 

Pat is using Pran as a crutch, and Phupa and Tian have placed a child in between them. They are not touching, they aren’t even standing all that close to each other. Phupa is in ranger mode, sure, but he’s not really in front of people he has to impress, he doesn’t have to be completely professional and on guard when they are in the shack together. Especially when his partner with a body that is currently trying to reject his heart, is sitting there looking on the verge of a heart attack. 

Phupa is making direct eye contact with Tian here, he is worried about Tian here, his focus is on Tian here, and yet he does not offer any physical comfort. No reassuring touch, no forehead kiss, hell, not even a hand on the back of his head to check for fever. He’s focused on getting the radio working, which is incredibly important in case there is a medical emergency, but he does not spare a second to physically ground him and Tian. He can only look from a distance. Because there are other people around, there is a child around. Phupa can’t be seen engaging in homosexual softness, Phupa has to be seen as a forest ranger, doing his job, his actual job that involves rescuing his stubborn dumbass boyfriend from yet again getting lost in the forest, but does not involve him being in love. 

Again, Phupa truly has no one here he needs to impress, he’s in a room with a child, his boyfriend, and a couple of nuisances that have shown him absolutely zero respect since the moment they waltzed in to his neck of the woods. 

At dinner even, after things have settled down, Phupa still cannot bring himself close to Tian in front of prying eyes. 

Pat and Pran? Literally sitting side by side, knees touching. They are as close to each other as they possibly can be without literally sitting in each other’s laps. 

Here is a close up of Pat and Pran literally making physical contact with each other at the knee and at the elbow. 

And what Phupa and Tian do not know, is that Pat and Pran can't be outwardly and openly affectionate to one another in public when they are at school and so they make up for it by being disgusting when they aren't in school. Pat and Pran have to keep up a pretense, and its a tragic undertone to their ability to diffuse the brewing Tian and Phupa fight by looking at each other, nodding, and then improvising a fight realistic enough to get Phupa and Tian to pull them apart. 

Because Pat and Pran’s relationship at home is a metaphor for external homophobia, because they are so used to it by now, the having to hide, to pretend they don’t like each other, to pretend they are mad, to pretend they aren’t in love, that they can just ease right in to staged fights at the drop of a fucking hat. But even in their fake fight they wind up pressed up against each other. 

(hehe, screen shot funny, look at Phupa, he zoomin’)

Because for so long the only way they could have physical contact in public was by fighting, was by beating each other up, was by pushing or pulling each other away from a fight. Pat and Pran understand that Tian and Phupa are having a fight that they also once had, but they can also see the parts underneath it, the parts that make Phupa ask why the emphasis on him in Tian’s story is about Phupa being in love with Tian rather than his work. 

Pat is simultaneously taking the opportunity of being hours and hours away from home, from where he has to hide his relationship, to be as openly and obviously in love with Pran as he has always been and is telling Phupa he is safe to be gay around. That he and Pran are safe people to be gay around, are safe people for him to be openly affectionate with his boyfriend around. 

And that stems from the parts of Pat and Phupa that are wildly different. 

Like, it is very very notable that Pat confesses his feelings for Pran practically as soon as he realizes that he has feelings for him and initiates the rooftop kiss which they share before they are even together, and then they have a bunch of little kisses, and they sneak as many touches as they can, and they make out multiple times in the show 

And Phupa and Tian have…a single forehead kiss and then one kiss, at the top of a mountain, where no one would ever be able to see them after their story is complete. 

In last week’s crossover episode, the level of intimacy that Phupa engages in with Tian is called out, even by Aof himself with the roleplaying scene between Pat and Pran where they pretend to be Phupa and Tian putting up a mosquito net and conclude that they absolutely must have kissed then. 

But we know they didn’t. We know how painstakingly long it takes for Phupa and Tian to reach that level of intimacy with one another. 

I'm even thinking backstory-wise, what is forest ranger training like? Is it part of the military? Did Phupa's gay ass have to enlist in a presumably male dominated field and like, go to training, and be around a bunch of guys, and make sure they didn't suspect he was gay?

I’m thinking about the moments in last week’s episode where it seemed like things were going better between Phupa and Tian, and it was always when Phupa was physically affectionate with Tian, putting his arm around him and not letting him go, when they were at karaoke, and when they were drunkenly stumbling home together, again locked in eachother’s embrace, where anyone could see them. 

To regress as I promised back to the leech scene I am struck by what the approach to removing the leeches says about Pat and Phupa respectively. 

Pat rips the leech off of him and Phupa takes time to put a lighter to them and pluck them off in a way that does not hurt Pat

Pat rips the leech off and bleeding for it, hurting himself in the process, because he is impulsive and impatient, Pat bleeds emotion, he's practically incapable of hiding what he's feeling, and he must obey his emotions before all else. Therefore, in Bad Buddy Episode 5, when he realizes he has feelings for Pran, Pat immediately has to talk to Pran about his feelings, immediately leans in to the emotion he is feeling in the present moment, and initiates a kiss. A kiss that leaves him feeling blissful, and that leaves him hurt because Pran walks away, because Pran has known forever how much he likes Pat, because Pat has only just figured out his feelings, he hasn’t had to sit with them for long, and yet that kiss is an equally strong release for both of them. When Phupa removes the leech from Pat’s leg he is methodical and patient, he tries to minimize the wound, it takes longer but it has the same result which is why it takes so damn long for him and Tian to get together. When I watches ATOTS and they touched pinkies under that blanket and I went "ah yes! This is the part where you start making out and fucking cause they are adults who have maybe been in a relationship before and who have both been obviously painfully aware of their feelings for eachother since the moment they laid eye on each other"...and then they don’t. Phupa waits, and waits, and waits. 

I think the fundamental thing that I see replaying in this episode especially, and with Pat and Phupa’s interactions especially is the elder versus younger queer mentality we got in Moonlight Chicken, with very different characters from Jim and Li Ming, but following a similar pattern of restraint and time versus just jumping right in. 

And it’s also why I think the conversation between Pran and Phupa is so important:

gifs by @nanons

Pat and Pran’s need to keep their relationship secret because of their family’s, and because of Pran’s mom specifically is a metaphor for external homophobia. Pat and Pran are extremely comfortable in their sexuality, very open in their love for one another when they are amongst other queer people, or amongst allies, when they are away from their hometown or when they are in the privacy of their homes. 

There are a lot of different pieces in play around Phupa and Tian’s relationship, but there is ultimately a metaphor at the most or a blatant sense at the least of internal homophobia on the part of Phupa. 

Pat has chosen to stay “in the closet” in order to be with Pran. In a convo with @shortpplfedup about this, Nini said it the most accurate and heart wrenching line: “It's honestly that Pran can't really ever compare to Pat's sacrifice here, and he KNOWS it,” 

Similarly, Phupa believes that Tian has made a sacrifice to be with him, and he knows it. Which is why he can’t bring himself to go to Tian’s birthday, because Tian has left before, because he is scared every time Tian goes that he will realize that Phupa isn’t enough. Because Phupa is afraid of being seen as Tian’s partner. Because Phupa is really only capable of being physically affectionate behind closed doors. When they are completely alone.  Cause even in the camp, when the child is sleeping and Pat and Pran are off literally fucking in the tent minding their own goddamn business, Phupa cannot bring himself to touch Tian.

They’re sharing place but not space, or whatever it was that Ayan said to Akk in their Our Skyy 2 episodes. When Phupa gives Tian his medicine, at most their fingers brush, they don’t sit down together, they don’t ground themselves with touch. They share this place, but they do not encroach on each other’s personal space…

…until Phupa falls asleep

gif by @earthpirapat

At which point Tian gets up, and places his blanket on him, and physical touches his arm, his shoulder, etc. as he is adjusting the blanket for him. 

Tian initiates the touch, Tian stayed in the village with him, Tian is sacrificing his health to be here with Phupa. Phupa has spent 90% of his time alone with the bouncing ball of sunshine that is Pat, and 5% of his time with the chaotic homosexual energy of Pat and Pran together, and to be real, as much as we know about Pat and Pran’s relationship, and as much depth as we are able to pull from these specific characters interacting in the way they do, Phupa has no idea what Pat and Pran have been through to be where they are. 

To anyone who does not know Pat and Pran’s story, they seem like nothing more than two horny young adults in love, who feel no need to hide themselves and their queerness away, that have never had a struggle in their life, and do not understand the trials and tribulations of navigating an older queer relationship, who will last the length of a honeymoon period and then disappear at the first sign of real conflict. Thus, I think Phupa grossly underestimates the company he is currently keeping.

So I think, personally, Phupa is kinda of struck by the sudden and unexpected depth that comes from Pran. That Pran is able to identify and then absolutely hone in and strike at the exact things that Phupa is struggling with. As much as Pat has both relished in the freedom he has to be disgustingly in love with his boyfriend in the woods, and as much as Pat has tried to make himself an obviously safe person to be openly gay around, Phupa is incapable of understanding what he can learn from Pat and Pran’s relationship until he realizes these boys have a lot more in common with him than he thought, and that their relationship and their relationship to one another is more complex and therefore more similar to him and Tian’s situation than he would like. 

Pran and Phupa carry the weight of feeling like nothing they do will ever compare to the sacrifices their partner has made to be with them. I didn’t get much in to Pat and Tian here, but their interaction makes it clear that they both carry the weight of feeling like their partner does not need them. 

Phupa has literally saved Tian’s life on numerous occasions, Tian is chronically ill, Tian has limitations. Phupa is a forest ranger, who is a foundation in his community, who is skilled and competent, and fiercely independent. Pat is disorganized, and impulsive, his father is the reason he and Pran can’t be open about their relationship, he is the reason Pran got sent away. 

We get a fun reversal with dynamics in these Bad Buddy x ATOTS episodes because Tian and Phupa are older, but Pat and Pran have an entire lifetime of navigating and overcoming conflict under their belt. Pat and Pran have already weathered the storm of the fight that Tian and Phupa are having. They have already settled in to who they are, but Pat and Pran (Pran especially) are able to see the ways that always giving in and never backing down wears on a person. Pran learns from seeing the pain that Tian is in that being uncompromising might cause fractures in their relationship in the future. 

Tian and Phupa (Phupa especially) are learning how to resolve their conflicts. Pran, who is holding on to Tian and Phupa’s story so tightly because it is shared, because it is open, because anyone who wants to can know about it, pushes Phupa, who cannot cope with being portrayed as being in love with Tian, to read all of the diary Tian published online. Pran pushes Phupa to push through the emotional blocks, to push past his initial concerns, and to assume Tian wrote and published this story with both an understanding of who is partner is and what Phupa is comfortable with, and with no intention of hurting anybody. 

Anyway, all of this to say, that this episode has really made me analyze Phupa with an internalized homophobia lens, and though one can never trust a P’Aof trailer, it has left me with two impressions. 

On the subject of Phupa and internalized homophobia, and needing to move past that (and more) in order for his relationship with Tian to survive this fight, @shortpplfedup said it best: 

“Now I'm thinking about one moment from the preview (but just a moment!) where Phupha tells Tian he's not gonna sneak to look at him, he's gonna OPENLY look at him”

And cause it seems like Phupa learned some things from the Bothersome Boys:

--

Case in point:

Here's multiple hours of my life I will never get back, at least I had fun! Time to go do the work I was supposed to be doing tonight :p

That's all folks!

[weavebitch]

Lord Enver Gortash: Dearest Karlach. I'd busy myself finding Orin if I were you. I'll still be here for any unfinished business, once you've secured your camp.

Karlach: That's it? That's all you have to say to me?

Lord Enver Gortash: Were you hoping for something else? A word of wisdom? A hug?

Karlach: Thanks to you, I don't hope for things anymore. I just take whatever it is I want. See you soon, motherfucker.

Lord Enver Gortash: You most certainly will.

---

Here's the thing: You can't tell me he wasn't at least a little proud of her in that moment.

What he had to endure in the hells when he was growing up made him into the person he is -- ruthless, merciless, and powerful. He is undoubtedly proud to be where he is in life. He condemns his parents for what they did to him, but he would have enough reason to do that even if they didn't sell him to Raphael.

However awful Avernus was, it brought him in a position where he is a) not poor anymore, b) extremely influential, and c) basically free to do what he likes. He wouldn't be there if his parents hadn't given him away -- in his eyes that might have been the only thing they ever did right.

And then he meets Karlach, a teenager who's growing up in the wrong part of Baldur's Gate, who reminds him of his younger self a little: clever (though in a different way), headstrong, resilient. She can be shaped just like him, she just needs a guiding hand and a chance to prove herself.

So when Zariel asks if he has a guinea pig for her, someone who is strong enough to endure being turned into a living weapon, it's perfect. It's a win/win situation. He gets whatever he wants from Zariel, Zariel gets what she wants from him, Karlach gets what will be good for her eventually, even if she doesn't understand it yet.

It's an act of affection in his eyes: I'm giving you a chance. You can have so much more power than you ever imagined, you just have to prove yourself first and then take it. I'm sure you can do it. And so she goes against her will, and is lucky enough to get out a decade later, and she comes to him and she proves him right.

She is angry and not afraid to show it. Her burning heart is a marvelous piece of technology and a powerful weapon. She is hardened, she is ruthless, she is used to doing what she has to do without second thoughts. There is nothing left of her adolecent insecurities and soft edges. She doesn't rely on people anymore. She has lost her naïveté. She doesn't hope anymore, instead she takes. And Gortash's plan worked just as he thought it would.

[drurrito]

Welcome Aboard

A/N: Cranked out my first fic for Carol. All mistakes are mine.

Pairings: Carol Danvers x Reader

Warnings: A little bit of angst and alcohol use

----------------

Carol never has visitors.

When the boarding request pops up on her communications system, she almost blows it to bits, it's a sound she hasn't heard in years. It takes her a few seconds to finally press the button to speak to whoever is waiting on the other side.

"Who's there?" she finally asks.

"Captain Marvel?" a voice responds, "I'm agent y/n, I'm here from S.A.B.E.R. Our comms are down indefinitely, so Fury sent me over to do a briefing."

Carol looks over at Goose, who's stretched out across the navigation station, unbothered by the news of an unexpected guest. Carol tries to emulate the same attitude, striding over to the door to greet you like she's done this plenty of times. She used to at some point, that has to count for something, right?

She loses her bravado as soon as she finds you standing in the entryway.

"Captain Marvel, it's a pleasure to meet you," you stick your hand out and Carol takes it after a beat too long. You don't take offense, Fury gave you the rundown on how long Carol has been isolated. It only took a few minutes to conclude that being a multi-galactic hero is a lonely job.

Carol doesn't stand around for too long, she hurries into the ship after inviting you in.

"Excuse the mess, been a while since someone's been aboard," she apologizes, tossing a single loose shirt into a hamper in the corner and tidying a pillow that was definitely knocked over by Goose.

"It's no problem, are you ready to start the briefing?"

"Sure, you want a drink or anything? Besides water, I think there's a few bottles of brew from Aladna hiding in the back of the fridge," Carol is already halfway to the kitchen, oblivious to the quizzical look on your face.

"I'm okay, Captain, honest," you flash her a friendly smile, and she feels the air escape her lungs. Her shoulders descend from her ears as she walks over to the chair across from you. You're too busy pulling up the agenda to notice.

Carol gingerly takes a seat, her hands rubbing vigorously against her thighs. She might be the first person to grate their hands on denim jeans at this rate. You're still looking for the agenda when Carol springs up from her seat, "are you sure you're not hungry? I'm so sorry, I should have offered before-"

"Captain?"

"Yes?" Her eyebrows were about to launch into orbit, she was already a few paces away from the kitchen, scraping the farthest corners of her mind for that recipe she learned from a family she helped a few galaxies ago.

"I'm okay, really."

"Right," she hurries over to the chair again and lets her body unceremoniously drop into it, vowing to herself she'll never get up from this spot unless she absolutely needs to. She looks up to see you waiting patiently for her go-ahead. Despite traveling to the furthest edges of the universe, she's never seen anything like the color of your eyes.

She collects herself quickly before saying, "let's get started."

---------------

The briefing was mostly successful. Turns out your agenda was outdated, the correct one must have been wiped out from the surge that knocked out the comms. You had to ad-lib everything that was left out and corrected anything that was no longer relevant. Carol watched you intently the whole time, like the fate of the universe depended on scheduled ship maintenances and admin tasks.

"There's still one thing, it was from a meeting last week," you stand, pacing back and forth trying to jog your memory.

"I'm sure it's in there somewhere, maybe we can take a look with these?" Carol is holding two memory dive devices. You've never had to use them before, but you know everything there is to know about how they work.

"Good idea Captain."

"You can call me Carol, agent, it's alright," she hands you one of the devices.

"Thank you," you just nod and take the device, Carol pretends the way your fingers brushed against hers for a fleeting second didn't just make her spine tingle. She lets you take her bed while she sits in the tattered recliner she's been meaning to get rid of.

----------------

It all happens so fast.

One second you're watching the memory of you sitting in a briefing room with Fury and your colleagues, the next, you're watching Carol's memory of Maria telling her to take Goose.

"The cancer came back."

You can only watch a few more blurs of Carol's memory before you jolt upright. Your body is so tense, all you can do is let out a shuddering breath and a few tears.

"Y/n?" Carol is already by your side, "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean for that to happen."

Her voice is distant, like she's calling to you from the other end of the galaxy in the deepest cave. You're still trying to get your bearings, that was far too much pain packed into what was only seconds with the mind dive.

"Can you look at me? Please?"

She sounds much closer now, you turn to look at her and suddenly remember where you are. Your breath is still unsteady as you wipe the half-dried tears on your cheeks, embarrassed over being reduced to tears.

"That...those were your memories," you finally speak, Carol sighs in relief. Her hands have been hovering between your shoulders and face this whole time, unsure if touching you was the best idea.

"Yeah, they were," she straightens up, taking the device from your hands and tossing both aside.

"I've been trying to remember everything...before, well, everything," Carol starts again, looking at anything but you, "I'm so sorry, if I knew that was going to happen I wouldn't have-"

She's cut off by the feeling of your arms pulling her against you. She almost forgot how much she loves hugs, almost.

Carol returns the favor and wraps her arms around you. You both stay like that for a while. Loss is one of the first lessons a hero learns, but it doesn't mean they're impervious to its effects, especially with how often it happens. Carol is trying to convey how sorry she is with every circle she rubs into your back. You only part when it seems like the dust has finally settled.

"I think I'll take that beer now," you say after heavy sigh. Carol gives you a sympathetic smile before heading to the fridge.

----------------

Carol explains everything that you saw.

She also tells you stories about her life before this one, and her adventures from roaming the galaxies. You did a poor job of trying to stifle your giggling when she mentioned being married to Aladna's prince to resolve a "legal issue." That earned you some side eye and an eventual smirk.

Carol swears she's mostly made peace with everything that happened, but you both know it weighs heavy on her from time to time.

Especially during long stretches of solitude like this one.

Goose saunters over to you and spills over your feet belly-up with a lazy "meow," a prime position for scratches.

"Goose is probably stoked to get scritches from someone other than me," Carol quips into the mouth of her beer.

"I could do this all day," you say without a second thought and Carol's smile reaches her eyes.

"Carol, I want my agent back," Fury chimes in over comms.

"I'll think about it," Carol says coolly as she takes a swig from her beer, you stand up out of habit from hearing Fury's voice.

"He's right, I should probably go, there's going to be million things to do now that comms are back up."

"Of course, let me walk you out," Carol sets her bottle down and leads you to the doorway. Seems like you only walked through there a few minutes ago. Time is playing tricks on you, it seems.

"Stay safe out there," Carol says.

"You too, Carol," you trade smiles, committing hers to memory by the time she pulls you in for a hug.

"Thank you," she whispers, hugging you tighter for a few seconds before finally letting you go.

----------------

"So?" Fury is the first to greet you when you arrive at the station.

"Pretending comms is down just to give her human interaction is kind of evil...yet genius," you shake your head with a smile.

"I know she gets lonely out there, she'll never admit it. This is the least I can do," he shrugs before turning on his heel. He walks a few steps before turning to you again.

"Same time next month, agent y/n?"

"Of course sir."

He gives you a curt nod with a knowing smirk before finally leaving.

[arc-misadventures]

The Cats Armoured Coat

Blake: Okay, how are your guy’s plans going?

Pyrrha: Not good. Jaune just complimented my armour on how nice it looked, and how it will provide me additional protection the next time we have to fight.

Blake: Well, he did compliment you on how nice you looked.

Pyrrha: I know~! But, I thought my armour would help seduce him with its subtle curves, and metal plating. You think his eyes would have been mesmerized by the sight of the skirt as I shook my hips at him.

Blake: Well, he did compliment you, he never did it before so he is aware of your new armour. Unlike before where he wasn’t aware of… anything.

Pyrrha: That’s true… I guess I’ll take the wins when I get them then.

Blake: That’s the spirit! So how goes things with, Yang’s new armour?

Pyrrha: Well… she’s having some… issues…

Blake: Like… what…?

Blake looked over, Pyrrha’s shoulder to see, Ruby struggling in vain to shove, Yang’s massive breasts into the armour breast plate, then to try, and connect the armour to the rest of the suit.

Ruby: Grrrr! They. Won’t. Fit!

Yang: Yes they will!

Ruby: No they won’t!

Yang: YES THEY WILL!!!

Ruby: Ahh! This breast plate should have at least been made into a, B Cup, why did you want it to be an, A Cup?!

Yang: Because watching my massive tits pop out would be so hot!

Ruby: There are more effective ways to may a, Double G Cup look like a, A Cup. This isn’t one of them?!

Yang: It will work!

Ruby: Rahhhhhhhh!

Yang: Ahhhhhhhh!

(Click)

And with that final scream the armour plate fit into its slot locking itself in place.

Yang: Ah! See, told you it would work~!

Ruby: Not for long. That things like a coiled spring; one good bump, and that thing will come flying out like a sling shot.

Yang: Pssh! That won’t happen. Good gods… It’s been years since I could look at my feet like this. Is this how you, and Weiss feel?

Ruby: Hey!

Yang: Haha! With this I can finally seduce, Jaune! He’ll no longer be going after that washboard, Weiss as soon as he sees my amazing mommy milkers~!

Ruby: Okay…? Just, stop bouncing like that; you might dislodge the chest piece if you keep doing that.

Yang: I can’t help it; They were always jiggling now they’re doing nothing at…?!

Like a ballista releasing its crossbow bolt, Yang’s breast plate came out flying at an insane speed slamming into, Ruby’s face knocking her off her feet, and knocking her out cold in seconds. Leaving no time to marvel as, Yang’s bounced free from their confinement.

Ruby: Gahh?!!

Yang: Oh shit, Ruby?!

BP: …

Blake: Well, that was inevitably going to happen…

Pyrrha: The jiggle they gave as they broke free was pretty nice.

Blake: Oh it was salivating to the senses. Anyway, want to come with me while I seduce, Jaune~?

Pyrrha: Oh~? And, what exactly are you planning on doing?

Blake: Follow me~!

~~~

Jaune: Lotters~! Looters~! Looters~! Loot… ers?

Blake: Oh! Hi, Jaune~! What do you think of my new… Body armour~?

Jaune: Looks incredibly uncomfortable, and highly impractical.

Blake: Eh?

Jaune: Actually it would be good if you wore an undershirt, and a cap. But, I doubt all that heavy chainmail is comfortable on your cat ears now is it?

Blake: It is a little heavy on my ears.

Jaune: and, you really should have worn an undershirt under all that chainmail. How they link the chains together may inadvertently scratch up your back, and you should probably have a shower too since they use oil to maintain the quality of the chainmail. Don’t want to ruin your lovely skin now do we~!

Blake: Oh… T-Thank you… I’ll go do that later…

Jaune: And, as for that… skirt…

Blake: What about it…?

Jaune: …

Blake: …?

Jaune: …

Blake: Jaune?

Jaune: It really compliments your amazing a…?! I-It’s highly impractical! Take it off!

Blake: I’ll go do that…

Jaune: Good. Now if you’ll excuse me, I was going to meet, Nora, and Ren at, Looters. Till later then.

Blake: B-Bye, Jaune!

Blake: Well… That failed…

Pyrrha: I’ll say… He took one look at you, and critiqued everything wrong with your outfit.

Blake: I know… Dammit… I thought this would rock his blocks off…

Pyrrha: Well, yeah, but look at the bright side.

Blake: And, that is?

Pyrrha: Jaune thinks you have an amazing ass~!

Blake: …

Blake: Hell yeah! Bellabooty for the win!

“Smack!”

Blake: AHH?! It scratch my butt! The chainmail scratched up my ass! Oh gods that stings!

Pyrrha: Well, he did warn you. So…?

Blake: Not helping!

Pyrrha: Sorry.

[tired-teacher-blog]

I stumbled into your work looking for Bakugo content and yours is truly amazing I love how you portrait him!

I was wondering in the case you’re taking request is it possible for you to make hcs of the main trio with a s/o who refuses to kiss him/give them physical affection after a fight just to tease them? not really angsty. Thank youuuu!!!!!!!

Hi sweetie and thank you so much, your words mean so much to me. I had fun doing this so I hope you like it.

Title : Let's talk

Characters : Shouto/ Izuku/ Bakugo/ gender neutral reader

Genre : Headcanons/ fluff

Masterlist

Bakugo :

No matter the reason for your quarrel, Katsuki would never apologize, at least not verbally.

He would however act like a little brat and follow you around the apartment without saying a word.

It's cute, and you love it, but sometimes you feel like taking advantage of the situation and tease him a little.

And that's exactly what you're doing right now. You're sitting on the couch, flipping through the TV channels aimlessly, and waiting to see what Katsuki would do.

He wordlessly plops down by your side -arms crossed- and bumps his knee on yours while observing your reaction.

You give him none, and just marvel at his prominent scowl.

He takes it to the next level and hesitantly places a hand on your thigh. You still give him no reaction.

It's amusing, especially when he finally gives in and straight out asks for a kiss.

You refuse him though, and he gets really really sensitive so he just grabs your hand and leans his head on your shoulder.. And that's when he starts apologizing properly.

He never stops until you actually return his affection.

You don't tell him that you've never really been mad at him to begin with, because you won't hear the end of it if you do.

Izuku :

Wether it's his mistake or yours, he instantly apologizes and promises to never let it happen again.

And while it's endearing to see him trying his hardest for you, that little tricksy part of your nature nudges you to play with him a little.

And that's what you're planning on doing.

So currently, he's clinging to you trying to have a kiss, but you push him away and say nothing, leaving him in a state of panic.

He doesn't give up though, he never does, which is why he'll try other ways to get you to talk to him.

His first plan is to send you lengthy text messages and await a reply. But it never comes.

So he moves to plan B and sneaks you offerings in the form of his favorite limited edition All might figurines, with little cute notes on each one of them. Some of those notes say: "I love you", "can't you forgive me this time?", "I will do anything so please talk to me" and your personal favorite: "All might is here to vouch for my sincere intentions".

That in itself is enough to break your resolve, because you've never been able to resist his cuteness.

So you immediately smile and give in to him, pulling him into a tight hug and kissing him again and again and again, because it's never enough.

Shouto :

He usually has absolutely no clue that you're mad over something, even if he's the reason why.

So you try your hardest to let it be known. And it's not that you want to escalate the situation, no -because deep down you know that he would never intend to upset you- it's just that you want to tease him a little and watch his clueless expressions turn into something else as he comprehends the issue.

So the first thing you're doing right now is ignoring him. He's talking to you, but you're not responding. He's attempting to sneak a hand around your waist and kiss you, but you push him away.

And doing so finally alarms him so he starts getting more persistent and pushy, but you keep ignoring him.

He ultimately gives in, taking a step back. And you almost regret the whole thing when you look at his face and see the most pained expressions.

"Are you breaking up with me?" Is what he says, and you immediately jump in his arms kissing him everywhere and explaining that you were simply playing with him.

His smile returns, but he asks you shyly to never torment him again the way you just did, because the mere thought of losing you is something he can't even consider.

[aspiringwarriorlibrarian]

You know, I rarely come across popsci articles that make me angry enough to do a point by point debunking but here we fucking are.

"Fact" 1: Your cat doesn't love you.

Citations: Two studies. One that was inconclusive on whether cats care if their owners leave and come back, but the author has decided that there is "proof enough" that they don't. Marvelous investigative work. The other is that cats hear their owners but don't come when they call. Strange, because dogs do the exact same thing and have to be specifically trained to be called.

"Fact" 2: Your cat isn't really showing you affection

Citations: 1 study stating that cats rub your legs to spread their scent (we already knew that), one stating that cats who don't like being petted but tolerate it have higher stress levels than cats who just run away (yup. not all dogs like being petted either), and one study that found that cats use different purrs with humans when soliciting food and when not, which the author then flat out lies about by saying that cats only use purrs for humans when they want food. Because fuck reaching, let's just straight up lie and hope no one clicks the link to call bullshit. What the fuck.

"Fact" 3: They're an environmental disaster

This one is just straight up true. Feral cats are the one if not the most dangerous invasive species humans introduce. Stop letting your cats outside and spay and neuter any you find. What I object to is the framing of feral dogs as a "lesser" threat. They're third on the list after cats and rats and pretty much every study on them concludes with "we need a LOT more data, this is a much bigger problem than we thought". You don't become the planet's most common carnivore without squishing a few hundred (or thousand) more species on the way.

"Fact" 4: They're going to make you insane through T. gondii infection.

It's here that we get the usual flurry of studies on how people with T. gondii infections turn schizophrenic or get into more traffic accidents or become business majors (I'm not kidding about this). What it doesn't mention is a) some of those studies need to be redone and b) the biggest risk to getting T. gondii isn't having a litter box, it's eating undercooked meat. Studies have been inconclusive on whether cleaning a cat's litter tray actually increases the chances of T. gondii, and have focused primarily on pregnant European women. I'm not saying that this might not be a threat, I'm saying that hyperfocusing on a maybe infection with unclear symptoms is kind of stupid when we have plenty of well-documented zoonotic diseases from both dogs and cats.

So yeah, click the links on pop sci articles to make sure they aren't lying to you about the results of the study.

[that-ari-blogger]

Chekhov's Gattling Gun, Part 1

Like a boat, lost at sea With no sails, not a breeze. I am drifting, cold waters No stars to be seen

Life isn't simple. You can't measure every moment in history on a scale of a to b. Life is like a collage, made from disparate materials stuck together, some organised, some more wild. But all of them collaborating into the great picture that is a single human being and their lived experience. This is true for everyone around you, and since no artwork is identical, no person can ever live the same way as anyone else.

Stories work in a similar fashion, with different threads getting tangled and twisted until, with one final pull, the full might of the tapestry is revealed, and the audience can marvel at the beauty, or reminisce about how they watched it come together.

Stray Gods: The Role Playing Musical is a fantastically complex and moving story, and two of the final songs, Adrift Reprise and The Trial serve as a climax in momentum, plot, and theme. These are the moments when the tapestry is revealed.

Let me explain.

SPOILERS AHEAD

Adrift Reprise needs to be understood in the context of its namesake, the first song in the musical, and in the context of, well, it's context. This sits just before the climax of the musical, just before everything comes to a head, and we get this quiet before the storm. And this is also the moment after our conversation with Freddie (you know the one). So, you bet I'm going to talk about that.

Let me start with the imagery, the stage. This is a bit of a meta metaphor, this is a game, literally a story, and the imagery references that. But what I find interesting is the reason why.

Grace has spent the entire musical detached from reality, directionless, unable to pin down. There's a reason you can make any choice for her and it won't feel out of character. She's a blank slate, emotionally and motivationally. The only thing that can get her to do something is a threat of death.

And then we get here, Grace sits upon a stage. But now she has purpose. Now she has something to look forwards to after the trial. This is a Grace that is making up her mind. So, the story acknowledges it's superficiality at the start, when Grace is the most detached, and now, when she is feeling the most real.

This also serves to contrast her with an earlier version of herself. I keep saying that this is a story about change, and here we are presented with how much Grace has changed over the course of the musical.

And despite you not actually getting to choose anything in this song, you feel like this is the culmination of all of your choices up to this point.

Specifically, I am talking about the choice whether or not to bring Freddie back from the dead. I did, on my first playthrough, so I was met with this very quiet version of the song as Grace and I both reflected on what we had just done. There is a noticeable air of uncertainty, and the resolution isn't "I did the right thing", but "I did what I did, now I have to deal with that".

However, there is another path you can take to get to this song.

If you let Freddie go, you get backup music. And you get shown a different change between now and the beginning. Slightly.

I actually think Grace has changed more as a mortal than as a muse. If that makes sense. As a mortal, she owns up to her decisions, and resolves herself. She is alone for now, but she knows she has people to rely on. But as a muse, I think she has definitely changed, although not quite as much. Grace still feels alone, and still has to be brought from that by Calliope. I think that if Freddie stays dead, Grace regresses to the point she began the story in, and has to be given that final boost externally.

The change is different between the two, I simply prefer the former option because I, personally, find it more interesting.

"In your heart, we remain You do not sail in vain"

All preferences aside, however, this is a cool line. All of the people that Grace has changed have changed her in return. There's another musical with a similar sentiment in it.

I've heard it said That people come into our lives for a reason Bringing something we must learn And we are led To those who help us most to grow If we let them And we help them in return

This is from Wicked, and stay tuned for some analysis of that in the future. But for now, it is the meaning that is important. We grow the most if we accept the help, and we give it back when it's needed. Humans are a communal species, we stay static if left to our own devices, or we spiral.

The question then becomes this: What do you want to do now? How do you want to do this?

If you bring back Freddie, you need to keep her alive through the trial, and if you don't, well now you have to live on in her name. Either way, you need to make a decision.

There is no inertia in the ocean.

(There is a Part 2 going up at the same time as this that will discuss The Trial)

Previous - Next

[yandere-fics]

Ainsley's NSFW Alphabet

♡ A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex) ♡

Of course she has to take proper care of you after an experiment, she can't have her cute test subject breaking on her, then she wouldn't be able to run another experiment on you for a few days. Not that she doesn't also enjoy taking care of you and worry about your health but she goes into a bit of analytical mode when she's running these tests on you.

♡ B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s) ♡

On both of you it has to be the eyes, how marvelous is it that with your eyes you were able to achieve love at first sight, eyes truly are a very joyous thing for you, they even allow her to watch you for hours on end as your eyes roll back into your head from the multiple sessions of testing you're helping her perform. It's wonderful how much of a gift this part of her body is to her, truly a gift of fate perhaps.

♡ C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically) ♡

Well she's obviously going to bottle yours and taste it, it would be lovely to mix some in with the mystery drink she drinks every morning, she won't let you know she's doing that though or you might try to pour it out and she can't really have you wasting such a valuable substance, and by that she means both the mystery drink and your bodily fluids. If it's in the omegaverse she's going to use your fluids to make something that will induce a rut in her. Also either way her cum is a mystery liquid and you don't want to know what it is anyways.

♡ D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs) ♡

She doesn't even need to mix your blood with anything for it to affect her like an aphrodisiac, you would think she was the vampire with the way it affects her, she rarely touches it because if she indulged herself in it too much no experiments would ever get done accurately, it doesn't work with anyone else's blood either so it's starting to feel like her weird soulmate thing is true.

♡ E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?) ♡

She has a lot of experience but not with experimenting sexually, she's been waiting to be able to run these sorts of tests until she finds someone she loves, they mean a lot to her and how could she run them on just some random person, these are meant to sort of bond the both of you and combine your interests.

♡ F = Favorite position (this goes without saying) ♡

She has a very comfortable padded table where she likes to have you lay in the center, it makes it easy for her to poke and prod at you while she records your reactions. She does like to bend you over the examine table and slowly fuck you after her experiments are over sometimes though. She tries not to because it might mess with her record keeping but she really can't help herself when you look so lovely like that.

♡ G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.) ♡

She's entirely serious, she'd have to be in order to make sure the results of her testing are properly recorded. She also expects you to take it seriously, don't muffle your sound dear or she'll have to get one of those gags that open your mouth, please she needs accurate data on how this makes you squeal, you wouldn't want her to have to test it again because you fucked up the results, would you?

♡ H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.) ♡

She's very fluffy down there, you aren't going to see it very often since she uses magic much more often. The carpet does not match the drapes, it's a dark black color whereas her hair is ashy blonde almost like the color has been stripped from it. She doesn't dye her hair, years of prolonged magic exposal has stripped it of it's color and vitality, she uses severe conditioner or it will frizz the fuck out and probably all fall off.

♡ I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect) ♡

She just makes it feel so clinical at time, sure she can absolutely take a pause for the experimentation and just do it regularly with you but this for her does feel romantic, she's including you in her magic so it's bonding and very romantic in her eyes, fine she'll do it your way if you want but you had better promise you won't squirm away as much next time she wants to run another test.

♡ J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon) ♡

You can't really tell if she does get off, I mean she sure looks happy after your experiments but did she get off? When she does fuck you too, something definitely cums out but honestly it's just as likely that she has let something weird out inside you just to act like she came for the sake of the experiment. She definitely doesn't jack off.

♡ K = Kink (one or more of their kinks) ♡

Magic and blood play. She saves things related to your blood for very very special occasions though. She does want to use a knife and mark you with it but that would be unrelated to the tests she's running unless she's testing a blood thickener or something. She often will make you consume her blood to see if it will affect you the way yours affects her. She might use yours if she's feeling spicy since it has an aphrodisiac effect on her.

♡ L = Location (favorite places to do the do) ♡

Only in her tower, it's the best place to remove any variables that could mess with her results since her tower is set up the same every time she wants to experiment with you.

♡ M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going) ♡

She wants to learn more about you and how your body responds to certain things she does with it, what gets you to whimper, what makes you whine, and what makes you moan at the top of your lungs for more. If she wants to know everything about you then it means she has to do lots of testing.

♡ N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs) ♡

She won't share you, she'd murder everyone else in the kingdom and resurrect someone forcing them to look and act like her and be her puppet if you really want a threesome, there's surely someone who would be compatible to be resurrected as her duplicate in the whole kingdom, she just have to keep killing until she finds them.

♡ O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.) ♡

I don't think you want to give with what she's packing just saying, the mystery liquid doesn't taste very good and while having it inside you makes you feel a state of tranquility and expedited healing, drinking it makes you feel a little bit light headed and a bit like a cat on catnip so probably best to avoid doing that too often. She won't make you do that anyways since doing it often might fuck with her results. She often does experiments involving your cum, making it thicker, making it wetter, making you produce more juices and part of that is tasting it so she often eats you out.

♡ P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.) ♡

It's slow and steady because that enables her to take proper notes as everything happens, sure she could speed up but that would introduce too many variables to measure, was it the speed, was it the heat produced by the speed, was it that you're extra exhausted now, she can't tell and it fucks up the experiment.

♡ Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.) ♡

Quickies don't allow for enough note taking and if she pauses in the middle of the experiment to have a quickie with you then it might skew the results since now so is introducing herself as an unexpected variable. Thus quickies are a no go.

♡ R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.) ♡

This whole thing is an experiment to her, of course she likes to experiment and take risks, so long as they happen in her safe magic tower where she can make sure they are conducted in a safe manner with very few variables. During it outside would introduce too many variables to get accurate clear results.

♡ S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?) ♡

She can do this all day but she'll keep the experiments limited to a few hours because she doesn't want there to be too many variables like exhaustion included. She would like you to be fully recovered before the next test which will take longer if she leave the experiment running too long.

♡ T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?) ♡

They aren't exactly toys, she took the models that Elisha designed and decided they weren't nearly creative enough since they didn't include magic and by infusing a bit of her will into the things she made she could make them specifically designed to crave being inside her darling. They also can tease themselves to do better each time she turns them on.

♡ U = Unfair (how much they like to tease) ♡

She's not trying to tease you she was merely testing to see what your reaction would be if she pulled on your nipple will it was covered in the 'goo' compared to how it reacts when she pulls on it not covered in the 'goo'. Sorry you took it as teasing baby girl, she didn't mean for you to get that impression.

♡ V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.) ♡

Honestly I think I would punch her because she mostly just sits in the corner writing her stupid little notes and making small comments to herself about how this potions seems to make you too woozy to respond and she needs to lower the wooziness in her next batch. If you try to talk to her she'll probably either ask you to tell her more how you're feeling or shush you because she has to document this.

♡ W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character) ♡

If she uses magic all day then her hair looks greyer and then when you wake up is's gone back to a more normal ashy blonde. This is because the magic uses her vitality and then she uses blood to return some of the vitality to herself and it returns to a better shade. If she stopped using magic in general and keeps taking the blood it would likely return to black but she never gives it enough recovery time to return to black.

♡ X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes) ♡

She certainly fucks you with something, you're pretty sure it's a real dick because something comes out of it though if you look at it you might die because that is not the color of a real dick which just makes you highly concerned about what is coming out of it and going into you. It's best not to think about the mystery substance. Anyways she's pretty thick, very bulky, not as much as Nora but she's got a decent amount of meat on her, almost dad bod especially with her flat chest. It really fits the dress shirts she's always wearing well.

♡ Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?) ♡

Her overall natural yearning is pretty low, she only really wants it when she gets really really inspired to test something out otherside she's fine just hanging out with you, if she doesn't have any questions she wants to test then she's unlikely to initiate although it's extremely rare for her to not have something she wants to test with you.

♡ Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards) ♡

You don't know if you've ever actually seen her sleep, sure she lays in bed with you idly chattering about which experiment she wants but whenever you wake up she's always up before you and you always see her drinking that weird coffee drink so you're pretty sure that just keeps her semi permanently awake.

[veliseraptor]

twenty questions for fic writers

tagged by @feralkwe - thank you! I feel like I've done this before but if I have it's been a minute so

1. How many works do you have on AO3? across pseuds I have 1,010 works. with my "current" one I'm at 607. that is more or less my entire oeuvre, though there's a fair number of short fics on tumblr I haven't gotten around to crossposting though I'd ostensibly like to at some point. eventually. maybe.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 4,873,723. aYIKES. but hey closing in on 5 million! wonder when I'll hit that. I bet I would if I posted my unfinished wips for the mcu tbh

3. What fandoms do you write for? ever or currently? the list of fandoms I have written at least one fic for (not counting ones where the one fic was a crossover) is [deep breath] the mcu, the untamed/mdzs, supernatural, the silmarillion, a song of ice and fire, black jewels trilogy, wheel of time, doctrine of labyrinths, death note, the caliban leandros series, avatar the last airbender, kinnporsche, doctor who, buffy the vampire slayer/angel, gentleman bastard sequence, marvel comics, harry potter, temeraire, good omens, code geass, realm of the elderlings, greek mythology, dragon age, sandman, dexter, lymond chronicles, the firekeeper saga, lucifer (the tv series), crimson peak, kushiel's legacy, the x men movies, chronicles of narnia, twilight, and a couple other small book fandoms.

i used to be a lot more multifandom than i am now in terms of what i wrote for, and have been writing fic for which is how this happened.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos? Not my favorite fics, for the most part. They are:

Life in Reverse (MCU)

With Absolute Splendor (The Untamed)

some good mistakes (The Untamed)

half a league onward (MCU)

The Villain Wrangler (MCU)

5. Do you respond to comments? I do not. I feel bad about it, but (a) I don't know what to say, (b) I feel unbearably self-conscious/self-important trying and (c) I already have too much I'm trying to do in my limited time/too many obligations I have placed upon myself to add another one that will just stress me out. Again, I have all kinds of guilt about this, though, which probably kind of defeats the (c) purpose of not doing it.

6. What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Almost certainly Mercy, though it's possible I could dig up others; that's the literal murder-suicide one, though, and I'm pretty sure I've only written one of those. I've written a lot where one character dies but another survives and has to live with the grief, which is arguably worse? but I still think Mercy wins. once there was a way to get back home might give it a run for its money, though.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? I've actually written a fair amount of fic with happy endings! just mostly they have to suffer to get there. but trying to think of fic with a straight happy ending...I feel like I wrote some fairly fluffy fic in Black Jewels Trilogy fandom that I don't want to link to because I don't think it's very good. Maybe Life in Reverse, honestly? That's a fic where I tied up most things and resolved them in a pretty happy way.

Oh, or actually With Absolute Splendor might qualify.

8. Do you get hate on fics? I have in the past! Not a lot, but it happens every so often. Usually I just delete it, tbh; it doesn't feel worth leaving it there and I'm certainly not going to respond to it.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? Sure do, primarily for pairings that are dysfunctional in one way or another, and for the most part I want the sex to say something about the inner life/psychology of the characters I'm writing. truly plotless smut does happen but I find it weirdly difficult. I have to do so much pre-justification work for my smut, at least in my head if not on page.

a lot of what I write at least has a little bit of kink or D/s flavor to it even if it's not explicitly written as such (and a lot of it is at least a little explicitly written as such). I also like to write about power dynamics (in sex) and sex that's sublimating some other emotion or desire, if that latter makes sense.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written? I used to, but not anymore, and I probably won't; I don't know why, but I'm just generally not a crossover fan these days. But I did write a Lord of the Rings/Cthulhu Mythos Morgoth/Cthulhu fic back in the day. No, I'm not going to link it, you can find it if you really want.

The Scarlet Pimpernel/Black Jewels Trilogy might be objectively weirder but it was because of an RP and therefore feels more reasonable to me.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? I had forgotten about it until just now, but yes, actually. Including one that actually got reposted on AO3, which takes a particular kind of guts that's not the same as reposting on Wattpad or the like, imo. (I've also had fic scraped off AO3 and reposted on other sites.) The person took it down when I called them out on it.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? I have been fortunate enough to have a number of fics translated into a few languages! I was curious which ones so I went and looked, and it looks like I've had fic translated into Russian, Chinese, and Japanese.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? I've started co-writing a fic but never finished one.

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship? Might have to give this one to xuexiao, though there's a lot of room in my heart for many ships! that's just one that hit an incredible number of my favorite things squarely on the head several times, leaving me concussed and helpless. It's so much, you guys.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will? There's a number of my MCU wips that I look at and am like "yeah what I have of this is good actually, too bad I'll almost certainly never finish it", among which is Dead Superheroes Walking, the fic about everyone who died in Infinity War being trapped inside the Soul Stone and having to work together to fix the ensnappening from the inside. I have about 3/4 of it written if not more and the remaining quarter will probably remain unfinished. It was Wanda POV and a lot about Wanda and Loki bonding.

another one is the one where Hela decides instead of fighting Odin to strategically back down and plan to overthrow him later, and therefore is around while Loki and Thor are growing up. I really liked what I had of this one, and really enjoyed writing Hela's POV, but again. don't think I'm going to end up finishing it.

I have a whole folder called "MCU Salvage" that's basically my MCU wips that I parsed out because I was like "these are pretty good actually, maybe someday I'll have the motivation to return to them", which is probably delusional but, well. one never knows.

16. What are your writing strengths? I think I'm pretty good at dialogue - I love to write characters having conversations, probably to a fault - and, when it comes to fanfiction, characterization.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? Worldbuilding for sure is one. I hate it, I don't think I'm very good at it. also description - I feel like I lean heavily on dialogue in fic and tend to go light on descriptive language. this is probably partly because I'm not a very imagery-focused reader, so I don't think a lot about creating a "visual" with my writing, but also because I just don't like doing it as much as I like writing about internal thought processes and interpersonal verbal exchanges.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic? I almost certainly would not do it, as someone who is monolingual and has zero confidence in my ability to do it right in a way that wouldn't read absolutely awfully. The one exception to this is in Lymond fic, and that's because the canon did it first, so it is fully justifiable for me to have this guy spout off in five languages in one fic. Otherwise...not since I tried writing a fake Phantom of the Opera fic mocking bad Phantom of the Opera fics.

19. First fandom you wrote for? I always say Wheel of Time because that's the first fandom of my heart but technically I wrote a crack Harry Potter fic before I wrote for Wheel of Time. But in my heart it was Wheel of Time. That was certainly my first fandom in any meaningful sense of the word.

20. Favorite fic you’ve ever written? This question is my nemesis. My favorite fic I've ever written changes at least once a month. I have a series for this on AO3 that I'm going to link to as a lazy answer to this question even though that's sort of 50 of my favorite fics, so sue me, I've written a lot of things over the years and I actually do like a fair number of them, even if you have to make me say so.

tagging uhhhh @highladyluck, @curiosity-killed, @ameliarating, @gloriousmonsters, i'm not sure how many people i'm supposed to tag for this but if you want to do it, go ahead?

[maple-the-awesome]

We'll Meet Again...I Know When || Chapter 27

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x GN Reader

Words: 4,779

Overview: Given your old-fashioned personality and obsession with all things 1940s to 1980s, it’s no wonder that most people refer to you as an ‘old soul’ who would’ve rather lived back then than in the modern era. Little do they know, you already did, but with your previous life as Hollie Stark cut short, you’ve been left with some…unfinished business, to say the least. Top of your list? Finally getting to marry your thought-to-be-lost fiancé.

Series Masterlist 🤎 Marvel Masterlist 🤎 Fandom Masterlist

CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN: GOODNIGHT AND GOOD MOURNING

Bucky counts two rings of the doorbell and six knocks. Second ring in case the first wasn't heard, six heavy knocks in case the doorbell might be broken, and yet despite this extra work, he never actually had any real expectations for the door to open on its own. Unfortunately, he gave up hope on that a few weeks ago.

Setting some bags down by his feet and cursing when they immediately tip over, he uses his new free hand to fish through his pocket, succeeding in not only finding his keys, but the correct one to unlock this blasted barrier before him.

Per usual, he's greeted with an eerily dark hallway that seems fitting for the start of a horror movie. Shuffling through the door with another curse as the same pesky bags get caught on the handle, he kicks it shut behind himself then calls out into the darkness as if it would reply, "Hey...It's me!"

Unfazed by the greeting of silence, he leaves his boots and coat there before making a b-line for the kitchen, pleased to leave all his grocery bags there to officially free himself of their incontinent weight. He goes to the fridge first, not to put anything away, but rather to grimace at the barren sight inside. Some condiments, a little bit of milk, veggies that look past their expiration date, and a half rack of beer…Good thing he went shopping.

Walking around the bar and into the living room, Bucky almost makes the mistake of going further which would've taken him right past the couch and, more importantly, the motionless lump lying there. When he does spot it in the corner of his eyes, he sighs - for some reason he still has a reason to sigh despite this having become a despairing routine as of lately.

Slowly, he steps over the few empty beer bottles on the floor and squats next to the couch where his frown only grows deeper as he pokes the lump, "It's past noon...You should get up and eat something - You need to get up and eat something."

He only gets a groan in response, but at least that's better than continued silence.

"I bought groceries. I can make something if you want?" Nothing, "...Or I can even order some take-out. Anything particular in mind?"

"...I don't want anything..."

Bucky inhales, although he tries not to make it sound so sharp. Standing upright and grabbing the empty bottles, he heads back into the kitchen, “...You’ll make yourself sick living off of beer alone, you know?”

"For your information, I had ramen yesterday."

"I'm proud of you," He's truly sincere, not that you'd believe that, "That means today, we can have something other than beer or ramen. Now, what do you feel like? I was thinking we could just do a simple, early dinner. I got some frozen pizza. Maybe we can have that and do a movie night or somethin' - just enjoy an easy going, lazy day. What do you say? I wouldn't mind another marathon of Lord of the Rings. You still keep the extended cuts under the TV stand, yeah?”

He’s rambling and normally, you find it enduring, however today - and for the last few weeks - his voice has been a distant echo in your head; nothing but a dull mumble against the terrible thoughts that overtake your care and concern. It makes you feel shitty in every way possible. Bucky visits every day without fail, armed with unlimited patience and kindness that he somehow manages to smother you in without actually smothering you (it’s been painfully obvious that he’s desperately trying to give you some space while still being present).

"Oh yeah, and I also got your favorite. They had it next to check-out. 'thought you'd like some," Even when a candy bar is waved in front of your face, your eyes barely shift to it before disappearing from sight when you curl further into your blanket sanctuary.

"...No thank you.”

Although his smile does wobble a bit into a frown, Bucky forces himself not to break; not here, not in front of you. He’d be an absolute hypocrite to complain, after all, it was him who spent several years moping which (unintentionally) dragged you into quite a lot of trouble. You pulled him from that hole, giving him the support he needed to move on from his past as hard as that had been. Now it’s his turn to return the favor.

Still - and he’s afraid he might be thinking selfishly with this, but there are days where he just wants to pick you up, throw you over his shoulder, and force you to go outside for once because the worry is eating away at him right now. It’s been weeks since the Snap - Well, five years for everyone else, but only a few measly weeks since the two of you had been thrown into this whirlwind of events that have left you both shaken.

It’s strange to think you can close your eyes and find out five years have passed. It’s even stranger to be thrown into a war for the universe immediately after, receiving no chance to process everything going on until you’re left with nothing. Natasha, Tony, Steve…The people who you cared for are gone and you never got to say goodbye - not in the way you wanted.

You were so damn happy, too. At long last, you had fixed your life, surrounded by people who were close to Hollie or at least understood that you were once her. No more pretending nor biting your tongue; you were free to just be you, both as Hollie and (Y/n). To think, you were actually excited for your future for the first time in, well, years - decades, even…then it all came tumbling down within mere minutes…Now you’re left with the shattered remains yet again and can’t help but ask yourself: how many more times? When will you have suffered enough?

"...(Y/n)...” Bucky breathes your name and you notice the crack behind his voice as he kneels down beside you, gently moving a strand of hair away from your face, “I’m not asking for you to be okay or to move on. I’m just asking that you take care of yourself a little better. You’re not eating, you haven’t left the apartment in days - I don’t even think you’re really sleeping either. I -...I’m getting really worried about you, darling…”

He has a point. You know he has a point because this isn’t the first time you’ve been here. If anything, you should be an expert on grief and recovery, having learned from experience that wallowing doesn’t bring anyone back…so why do you still feel like utter shit then? You should be a productive member of society, counting your blessings and moving on because you’re lucky enough to even be here. So many people have it worse than you. Bucky, for example. He lost Steve, too. He tries to brush it off, but you see the pain in his eyes. Steve didn’t die or anything. He just…left. He left both of you willingly despite the suffering you’ve already been cursed with…He abandoned you both with it and while you want to be happy for him and happy that he got to be with Peggy in the end as they both deserved…you can’t help feeling pissed…betrayed even…

Bucky has a right to be mad, too. He should have his own time to grieve for himself instead of being stuck in this dark apartment babying you. Even if he has already moved on (not that you’d believe it), that would be all the more reason for him to go live his life. Why does he keep fussing over you when he should be taking care of himself?

“I’m getting really worried about you, darling…”

…You wish you could make Bucky happy. You want him to be happy, having moved on from all those awful things HYDRA had done to the quiet, simple life he desires, yet selfishly at the same time, you don’t actually want to let him go. You’re stuck in this awful limbo where you want to throw in the towel and give up on everything you’ve worked so hard on throughout the years, after all, it sure didn’t take long to crumble around you, but at the same time, you’re so tired of feeling alone…You don’t want to go back to that life even if it means desperately grasping at strings and dragging poor Bucky down with you…

At long last you peek out from behind your blanket, lazily gazing up at the man in question. There was once a time when you would shamelessly swoon at the thought of having his affection and admittedly, you’re heart still flutters at hearing his concern for you, however after the Snap, you can’t help feeling numb inside as if your heart is covered in frozen ice that even Bucky can’t chip away…at least, that's what you had begun to believe until finally getting a good look at him.

Your heart speeds up so suddenly it makes a wave of nausea run over your entire body, making you feel a bit more awake than you had been before. For once you find energy for something and that's to wiggle your arm out from under the blankets, reaching until your fingers manage to touch the top of his head.

"...You cut your hair," You observe so stupidly, avoiding his eyes as you focus only on his new haircut which is quite the change. Yesterday he had his hair pulled back into a bun while complaining of the heat, however today, his long locks are gone, leaving a rather short yet soft fluff behind.

"Yeah...'got it done this morning," He slightly bows his head down towards you more, burning through all his willpower not to fully lean into your touch. He’s as cautious with his movements as he is in watching your expression and asking the question, “Do you like it…?”

You finally allow yourself to look at his face, your fingers just barely running along his cheek on their way to falling limb against the couch again. For a brief second anyone could miss, your lip quivers, but you do good to press it back the same way you blink away any tears threatening to make an appearance. Maybe Bucky notices, maybe he doesn’t.

"...It’s a good look on you,” You inhale, eyes drifting over his facial features to catch every detail because at this point you’ve abandoned all caution. You’ll accept in this moment that you’re being selfish and you’ll also decide not to care, “...You clean up nicely, Barnes. Who would’ve guessed?”

Bucky beams - quite literally, he beams with a boyish grin and glitter to his eyes after hearing you say something more akin to your usual self. Oh, how he’s missed your teasing. Sure, your voice is cracked and barely more than a whisper, but it’s progress he won’t object to. He also doesn’t object to you slowly sitting up while running a hand through your own messy air and sighing at your headache.

“So, um…A movie marathon, you said?”

“Unless you have anything else in mind?”

You press your lips, never letting the hand fall from your head. There’s a voice inside who tries to argue, reminding you that it’ll only end in more heartbreak if you try yet again to pick up the pieces of Hollie’s life, but God, it’s so damn difficult with Bucky’s adorable, hopeful smile. He’s attached to you even without understanding the truth. He cares for (Y/n), he worries about you…That’s supposed to be a good thing, right? You wanted that - wanted to know that he could love you as you, not as just Hollie, however there’s a side of you that doesn’t feel quite right about it for some reason…some reason you’ll ignore.

“...No. A movie night sounds fun…” 

Baby steps - that’s what it took for you to start functioning again after Bucky’s supposed death seventy eight years ago; lots and lots of baby steps. Misery doesn’t disappear overnight which is a cruel truth that hasn’t changed between then and the modern era, although misery does fade overtime if you can successfully focus on the things you like and the things you still have.

You might not have your family to pull you out of this funk like last time, but at least you have Bucky (a bittersweet switch, if anything). He’s kept you distracted with different movies he wants to watch and recipes he’d like to bake. He’s always around, in fact you’ve already told him he can keep that spare key to your apartment because honestly, neither of you can remember that last time he’s actually stayed at his own.

Once you stopped stubbornly pushing him away, Bucky was allowed to bear witness to some of the demons that have been haunting your mind since the Snap. It’s safe to say you’ve done your fair share of crying in front of him, letting your frustrations slip as you curse Thanos and the universe and anyone who can possibly be linked to causing your current pain. You’ve expressed your anger with Steve, your sorrow over Natasha, and mourning for Tony.

You’re thankful that, no matter what sobs or curses have escaped you, Bucky has never filled the gap with unrealistic promises that everything will ‘be okay’. You’ve grown tired of hearing that from others, so it’s been refreshing to have someone instead hold you during your moments of vulnerability while promising that they’ll always be there for you when life gets rough.

Thanks largely to Bucky’s encouragement and support, you’ve gotten better. Not ‘better’ as in fully fixed, but ‘better’ as in you can find the strength to go on errands into town and ensure you’re maintaining a healthy diet again.

Life seems to have returned to a small sense of normal again, strongly reminding you of your stay in Romania which you had treasured so much. Coffee together in the mornings, afternoons discussing each other’s day, movie nights, and take-out dinner…It’s no wonder that your parents have inquired about your ‘boyfriend’. Your relationship sure seems to be leaning that way from the outside looking in (more than it ever has before) and, despite how desperately you try to ignore it, sometimes you find yourself drifting too far into the domestic bliss the same way you had in Romania, dangerously letting your guard down until you’re ripped back into reality by an unwanted and awful reminder…First it had been Steve appearing in your apartment those seven years ago, now this…

“You know…” Bucky’s voice easily gains your attention, earning a pleasant hum as you curl your head closer to his chest in acknowledgment.

It’s hot out today meaning the air conditioning’s been blasting with a box fan rumbling mere feet away, yet you’ve still filed no complaint towards cuddling close to his side on the couch while binging an entire season of The Office.

Despite your patience waiting for a response, it doesn’t come too promptly. Instead he awkwardly adjusts his arm around you and swallows before speaking, “...We should go out to dinner tomorrow night.”

You’re both blind and deaf to his shyness, merely perking an eyebrow without taking your eyes off the screen, “Why tomorrow? Are you on a diet that says you can’t eat dinner on Tuesday nights?”

Usually he’d chuckle at such a comment, and he nearly does, a short sound making it past his lips which he quickly bites back, “N-No, I mean, we’ll still eat dinner tonight obviously, I was just trying - I’d like to go somewhere nice together. Sit down dining, type deal.”

Finally understanding the hint, you become a bit nervous yourself, “How ‘nice’ are we exactly talking? Red Robins kinda nice or um…make a reservation nice?”

“Nicer than Red Robins…” He rubs the back of his neck with a shrug, although you don’t get a chance to voice your concerns because he skillfully spots them first, “Don’t worry about money or anything like that. I’ve been saving. I was thinking I’d treat ya’ - take you out to dinner someplace special for the evening…I promised after all.”

Bucky’s eyes widen in surprise when you push away from him so quickly that you almost fall off the couch. It would be one thing for you to just turn and look at him, however your movements are desperate as if his touch had suddenly burned you. The way you’re actually looking at him doesn’t help, either. You appear as if you’ve seen a ghost, face pale and eyes wild as you stare.

“W-When?”

“Huh -?”

“When did you promise that?” You whisper rather cautiously, only further confusing the poor man.

“In Wakanda? A week or so before you came there I promised that when we see each other again, I’d take you out to dinner - as a thank you for everything you’ve done for me,” Bucky frowns, visibly concerned about your behavior, enough so that he hesitates to reach out to you, “Are you alright -?”

“- I…I don’t know if that’s a good idea…‘sounds kinda like a date, don’t you think?” You try to calm your heartbeat through deep yet casual breaths, even attempting a poor laugh at the end of your sentence, however it’s clear such struggling is useless; that damage has already been done.

Bucky bows his head in shame while slowly retracing his hand, “...Would a date be so bad?”

You open your mouth only to close it, fearing the nausea that bubbles within your stomach. This isn’t how you expected your reaction to be. You’ve been dreaming of this moment, desperately hoping for the day Bucky asks you out so that you can finally rekindle that relationship you once had and miss dearly. It would have to be by his own terms, you decided long ago, not wanting to push him by making the move yourself, however secretly, there has been another reason for waiting - a certain anxiety that has interested in relevance over these last nine years.

"The second I get back, I'm taking you out to dinner - a nice place, too, I've been saving.”

“Let me do this for you, Hollie. Eight o'clock sharp. Houghton's. I'd say wear something nice, but you look dazzling in anything."

It isn’t easy having lived two lives. It isn’t easy having the memories of a different person - although still you - who remains in pieces only inside your mind and personality. You’re Hollie. You’ve maintained certain traits of hers and you continue to love all that she had…but you’re also (Y/n). You don’t look the same and you endured a new childhood, in a new world, with a new family…While in your own eyes, you’d argue that this change is minimum, equivalent to the way a child changes into a teen and a teen into an adult, there’s has always been a fear hidden within your heart that others might not see the same.

What if someone who knew you then doesn’t like who you are now?

You were able to set that question aside for the others. Steve knew Hollie as a friend. You were close, although your interactions were limited and rarely were you alone. Frankly, you became closer during your time as (Y/n) when each other's support was needed more than ever. Tony knew Hollie as an aunt when he was very young. His image of you was built upon four years of vague memories with your care and support being at the forefront; that’s all he expected from (Y/n)...Neither of them truly compared to Bucky, a man who loved Hollie in more ways than one and got to know her best despite your short time together.

What if he doesn’t like who you are now?

Bucky loved Hollie - he still loves her. You saw her picture in his wallet once when he brought groceries over. You’re okay with that part alone, however you worried that if you immediately told him from the very beginning that you’re the same person as that girl in the photo - from that first day you found him in DC - would he have only loved you because of Hollie? Because the concept of being with you was his only chance of being with her again?

It’s ridiculous and foolish. You act jealous of yourself, although you honestly believed it to be in the best interest for both of you. You don’t want to exist solely as a living memory, not an individual, and you don’t think it would’ve been healthy for Bucky, either. He needed to love you for who you are now. He needed to move on in some way.

He has moved on. Hollie’s still kept close to his heart, yet he’s sitting here now asking for you. He’s spent months - no, years probably - loving you and looking to you as a means to finally be happy. This is exactly what you wanted…so why do you still feel so shitty inside?

"(Y/n)!”

You turn your head. You can tell by his eyes that Bucky didn’t mean to raise his voice, but at least it gained your attention at last. Cautiously, he reaches for you again, this time committing to the action. It’s only when the cold metal of his thumb runs along your cheek that you realize you’re crying.

“...It doesn’t have to be a date. We don’t even have to go. Don’t -...Don’t worry about it, alright? It’s not that big of a deal?” Oh, but it is. Bucky’s such a terrible liar. If it truly wasn’t a big deal, then why did his voice crack with a dejected undertone?

“I-I’m sorry…I’m sorry. I’m just…being emotional for no reason at all,” You huff mostly to yourself, miserably attempting to rub the tears away with the edges of your sleeves. Bucky has much better luck at it, carefully using his thumbs and palms to catch your tears. All the while, he searches your eyes for any sign of harm which almost makes you forget your sadness…almost…

Meeting his gaze, you move a hand of your own to his cheek, smiling softly, “I’d love to go on a date with you, James.”

“But -”

“- I’m afraid.”

His mouth snaps shut after your whisper and it takes him a second to meet it, equally as silent, “...Why?”

You don’t answer too promptly yourself. A keen eye would notice your hesitation as you heavily debate your next action, although you hide it well behind the admiration you seem almost drunk on while running your hand back into Bucky’s much shorter hair. For years you’ve bit your tongue and danced around your inner thoughts which has been a tiring endeavor for sure, enough so that in a moment like this, you’ve lost the willpower to keep the act up, choosing to instead speak directly from your heart regardless of the risk.

“...You’ve always been so good to me, James. ‘a real knight in shining armor…You know, I was so alone before I met you, not thinkin’ I’d ever find someone who could keep up with my nonsense. Others figured me to be crazy, that or they were intimidated by me being too ‘unique’, as my family put it. Whether I tried to change or not, it didn’t matter because if I wasn’t different to the world, I was different to myself. There was no winning and my displacement only seemed to grow with age. ‘started to believe the universe cursed me for some reason - that I must’ve done something terrible in my past or perhaps I was simply too happy at some point, leaving an overdrawn balance now…I didn’t want to do it anymore, but then you came around again. You gave me hope - meaning, even.

“I feel happy with you - very happy, as if I can breathe easy and just be myself without ever worrying about judgment again because as long as you like me, that’s all I need to know that I’m not crazy,” Bucky opens his mouth, but he doesn’t get a chance when you gently place a finger to his lips, “You mean sooo much to me, James, in fact I don’t think you’ll ever be able to truly understand the full extent of my love for you…and that’s what scares me. There’s…Well, there’s something I need to tell you, but I’m afraid that whenever I do, you’ll push me away. Whether it’s because you don’t believe me or you get mad at me -”

“- I could never get mad at you, darling -”

“- You say that now and I'm sure you believe it, but once you hear what I have to say, you might change your mind -”

“- I don’t think that’s possible -”

“- James -”

“- You said that I might not understand the extent of your love, but I don’t think you understand mine,” He interrupts more sternly, slowly grasping your wrist and lowering your hand over his heart. He holds it there and doesn’t let go, a hint of shyness in his eyes, “You mean a lot to me - you have meant a lot to me for a while now. Around you, I feel relaxed a-as if all those things HYDRA had done never happened. I start to think that I might actually deserve a happy life by your side and even if I don’t, then fuck it, I don’t find myself caring. I want to be with you anyways because every second that I’m not, I’m restless like a piece of me is gone…Being here with you, I…It’s a feeling I haven’t felt in a long time…There’s nothing you could say to make it suddenly go away.”

You chuckle apprehensively with a shake of your head, letting your gaze finally fall from his, “...I bet I could…”

“I highly doubt it,” He rolls his eyes, leaning close enough for his own quiet laughter to be felt. You steal a glance at his lips, nearly giving into your own temptation to touch them, although you hesitate there instead.

“You don’t know -”

“- I don’t need to then -”

“- This is serious, James!” You plead weakly, trying to pull your hand from his and move off his lap where you just now notice he’s brought you, yet it should be of no surprise that he’s stronger than you and won’t let this matter drop so easily without resolve.

Your actions cause his concern to return and he becomes serious once again, his stormy eyes watching you so very carefully with his bottom lip puffed out in a pout, “...What’s really wrong, (Y/n)? I don't get it. You just said that you love me too and that must be true - I believe that it's true because, I mean, why else would you have stuck by my side after all the shit I’ve dragged you into? I-If I have to do more to prove my love for you, I will, if that’s what has you so worried - Or if you’re not ready for a relationship yet, that’s fine, too. Just…tell me what’s wrong so that I can fix it. No more beatin’ around the bush…Please, darling…”

Suddenly, your eyes feel so stern watching him despite the tears that fill them as you slightly bow your head in what you would deem as shame, although he might mistake it for anger given how persistent and strange you’re behaving. He’s all ears, though. Maybe slightly taken aback by your vulnerable speech, but this isn’t the first time you’ve expressed your inner thoughts with him since the Snap and he’s here to listen without judgment as he’s always been. He just hopes he didn’t make you uncomfortable by overstepping.  

Usually you're the one to make him flustered. He thought all of your prior flirting meant he was safe to ask you out, however he’s now starting to second guess all of that. He hasn’t dated since Hollie, after all. He’s been out of the game for so long, it’s completely possible that he read the situation wrong. Then again, you just admitted to loving him, so what’s stopping you? You had assured long ago that you have no actual fiancé, he's certain you aren't dating anyone else at the moment, and you've both gone in public countless times together, so surely you aren't ashamed to be seen with him even despite his muddy past. Is it too soon after the Snap? Are you just not ready for commitment? Why are you suddenly acting so hesitant as if you haven't spent the last several years longing for each other?

"...Bucky," He shallows somewhat nervously when you whisper his name, meeting eyes once again, "...I'm Holiday Stark..."

NEXT CHAPTER ->

<- PREVIOUS CHAPTER

[dalgursbate]

make a mess, lioness (1/1)

Summary:

It's much easier to get the upper hand in a negotiation when you're the one on top. Or, Tav reads Raphael's diaries.

WC: 3,173 Pairing: Raphael/Tav Rating: E

Raphael knows how to wait.

The most intoxicating sins are those left to ferment, after all, to grow sweet with the flavor of futile remorse.

He smirks as he watches her leave, trailed after by her little party of yapping dogs. What pity that a soul as ripe as hers keeps such underwhelming company. In his mind, he is already rewriting their witless objections to his deal in verse: Oh, please, mistress Tav, how we beg you not sign – it’s the fate of your soul and the world on the line!

But she, oh, she is clever. Raphael knows she is. Clever enough to return to him, pen in hand, to take his deal and seal his destiny as the Archdevil Supreme of the Nine Hells. The mere thought of it is enough to make his toes curl.

Once he has the Crown of Karsus in hand, he thinks he will dine with her. For a mortal, he finds her to be surprisingly… tolerable. Perhaps she might even have a tale interesting enough to be worthy of his impeccable authorship. The smile on his face stretches a little wider.

Yes, right up until the end of the world, he will wait for her return. The quick sparrow may be able to fill its belly, but the patient cat will still catch it.

Raphael has never been so happy to be proven right as he watches Tav cross the threshold into his room once again, naught but two nights later. He is especially pleased to see that she has arrived alone. The little sorcerer has doffed her armor, electing instead for a tight outfit that boasts a rather plunging neckline. Clearly she is intending to talk, then, rather than fight. How utterly delicious .

He wonders if perhaps she had come prepared to enjoy the services of Sharess’ Caress, given the amount of smooth, dark skin she has left on display. Whatever the reason, Raphael finds he can’t complain. He is simply too delighted at how quickly she has succumbed to the temptation of his offer.

He smiles at her in the only way he knows how – devilishly.

“Ah,” Raphael sighs indulgently, “The curtains have drawn, but which play shall we stage?” The lyric dances off his tongue, and he finds himself repressing the urge to circle her like prey. “The one where the bird flies, or stays in its cage?”

“Cute,” she replies, unimpressed (feigning it, obviously), and as he watches her he sees the effort she has clearly put into her appearance tonight: hair neatly pulled back and a subtle black pigment smudged artfully around her eyes. Lips especially glossy. Part of him hopes that the foolish little girl has dolled herself up on his behalf, rather than for an evening of pleasure in the brothel he has made his office; how easy it would be, then, to persuade her to sign. Tav continues, “how long did you spend practicing that, exactly?”

“Little mouse, with you, the rhymes simply jump off my lips,” Raphael says easily, gesturing smoothly with one arm as he does so. “Do tell, have you finally been made to see reason?”

“Oh, I certainly have,” Tav replies, smirking, and she takes a deliberate step forward. Interesting, he thinks, that she seems so cocky. Interesting and annoying. “And I’m ready for you to give me the Orphic Hammer.”

“Marvelous,” Raphael says, and claps once. “I always knew you were clever. Then let us skip straight to dessert, shall we? All I require is your signature.”

“Hmm,” Tav hums in faux consideration, that infuriating smirk still gracing her lips. She clasps her hands behind her back and takes another, swaying slightly as she steps forward, moving toward him in a teasing, girlish manner. “No, I don’t think I’ll be signing anything, actually.”

“Hah!” Raphael barks a laugh, his good mood quickly becoming replaced by irritation. “Don’t tell me you think you’re going to fight me for it?” He expected more from her.

“Don’t be foolish. Of course not,” Tav says, voice playful and condescending as though she knows something that Raphael does not. She continues moving toward him, slowly, deliberately, looking for all the world as though she lacks any sort of fear or respect for the devil in front of her.

When she is about a foot away from him, Raphael finally smells it. 

“You little rat, you reek of the House of Hope!” He snarls, his face contorting quickly into a mask of anger and loathing. The pieces slide into place for him, and he goes from irritated to livid in a single moment. “What, did you steal it and come here to mock me, you contemptible little wretch? Surely even you wouldn’t be so stup–”

Tav interrupts him with a finger to his lips, and he silences himself in surprise. He hadn’t realized that she had gotten so close to him, standing only a scant few inches away.

“No, why on earth would I do that?” Tav asks, still grinning despite Raphael’s blatant fury. She drops her hand, moving it to rest on his chest, and leans forward, her breath ghosting his ear. “I would much rather have you beg for the privilege of giving it to me,” she whispers.

“I–you–why,” Raphael splutters, and he suspects his face might be beginning to turn purple. “What in the Hells do you mean by that? Just what did you take from me?”

“Nothing, Raphael,” Tav laughs against his ear. The feeling of her hot breath tickling the skin of his neck sends a shiver of disgust through him, and his vision almost goes white with rage. “But I did read your diary.”

“You–you read–I,” his brain takes a second to catch up to his mouth, the words tripping over his tongue clumsily in a manner unbefitting of his station. He pauses long enough to breathe and consider her words. So she had read his diary? That alone was reason enough to burn her into an ash so fine it could be used as planting soil, but he still didn’t understand. “And, what, you think you can blackmail me?” Raphael asks, huffing a scoff laced with antipathy. “Nice try, little mouse.”

“Can you really not tell?” Tav pulls back to stare at him incredulously. Then, her face shifts again and she is looking at him from under her lashes, eyes half-closed and smirk once more on her face. “No, I think I can seduce you.” The hand on his chest shifts so that she can trail one finger slowly down his doublet.

Once more, Raphael laughs, and finds his anger dissipating somewhat as he realizes he still has control of the situation. My, she really is foolish. But, he has to know, “What, exactly, makes you think this idiotic plan will work?”

“So many of your entries were about me, Raphael,” Tav smiles sweetly, almost pityingly, and Raphael has to smother the snarl that longs to return to his lips. “ Never have I been so attracted to a mortal,” she recites, quirking an eyebrow. 

“I didn’t mean it like that, you imbecilic creature!”

“Gods, it was chock full of words like ‘quiver,’ ‘squirm,’ ‘writhe,’” she continues as though he hadn’t spoken. Her obvious amusement makes him long to throttle her, to silence the inane drivel that is pouring out of her mouth. But she just keeps talking. “Mentions of tastes to savor,” she purrs, before snorting, and he decides that he is going to kill her as slowly as possible, actually. “Raphael, there were metaphorical references to sperm. Dreams about me, even. I’m flattered, really, that you want to be the one to rescue me.” 

She pauses then, to look at him with genuine curiosity. “Or did you not realize how badly you want me?”

“You think very highly of yourself, mortal. As though I would ever deign to bed you.” Raphael is shaking now, spitting out the words through gritted teeth, practically apoplectic and barely managing to stop from launching himself at the girl.

“Oh?” Tav asks, and leans back toward his ear. “Then why haven’t you pushed me away yet?” And the fingers dragging over his chest continue their path down his stomach, dipping ever lower until the tips of them reach the hem of his trousers and push just underneath, brushing against his abdomen.

“I–” Raphael starts, before realizing that he doesn’t actually have an answer for that. He frantically searches his mind for a justification, for anything that explains why he is letting her touch him like this.

Tav curls her fingers to scrape her nails lightly over his skin, teasing him, and raises her eyebrows in an insulting mimicry of innocence. “If you want me to stop, I will.”

By the Hells, why can’t he make himself say anything? Why is he not putting an end to this? Raphael swears that he will stop at nothing to claim her soul so he can punish her for this indignity for all eternity.

Her deft fingers unbutton him. “I need an answer, Raphael. Do you want me to stop?” He is horrified to feel himself growing hard as Tav runs her fingers along the waistband of his smallclothes. 

Make that two eternities.

“No, damn you,” Raphael hisses, and then swears as she cups him through his briefs.

“Good boy,” Tav smiles, and Raphael thinks he would have preferred it if she had just killed him. That would have been less humiliating than the way a shiver runs through him at her words. And then he thinks of almost nothing at all as she pushes his clothes down his thighs just far enough to wrap her hand around him.

The drag of her fingers up and down his shaft is light, teasing, enough to drive him mad but not enough to offer any satisfaction. He distantly hears somebody whimper and the blood rushes to his face as he realizes it was him.

He does not have time to dwell on it, because Tav is lowering to her knees, smiling up at him while her lashes flutter prettily, and oh . Yes, Raphael likes the sight of that. Likes it so much his heart pounds with it. Likes it so much his cock twitches in her hand.

Tav grins triumphantly, but mercifully says nothing before licking slowly up the length of him. She runs her tongue over the tip, circling, before sucking it into her mouth. Raphael’s hand moves to her hair without his permission, and he finds himself tangling his fingers in her updo. He does not push, just enjoys the feeling of her soft tresses against his fingertips. For an absurd, repulsive moment he longs to card them through the strands, wants to pet her like some beloved cat.

She continues to tease him, alternating between sucking on the head of his cock and showering his shaft with little licks and kisses. Impatient as he to feel her hot, wet mouth engulf his cock, the sight of her like this — lavishing attention on him in an almost adoring manner, eyes closed and long lashes fanning out over her cheeks — is breathtaking.

Maybe, Raphael thinks, he will not torture her for eternities after all. It seems there may yet be better reasons to keep her soul.

Then, Tav opens her eyes to meet his, bright with mischief, and sucks him down to the base. Raphael curses, hand fisting in her hair, and at the roughness of it she lets out a little moan that he can feel, Gods.

His hips buck inadvertently, and Tav just takes it, so good and so perfect, and as his grip on her hair loosens she begins bobbing her head up and down in earnest.

Hells, he is not going to last long.

Tav must realize that too, because she pulls off and leaves him bereft, the cool air of the room brisk against his damp skin.

“Would you like me to ride you?” she asks, as though it is merely an innocent question and not, Raphael thinks, possibly the only thing he is ever going to want for the rest of his life. This stupid, clever sorcerer, and her stupid, perfect mouth. Her stupid righteousness and the stupid, innate magic that emanates off of her impressively. And stupid, stupid him, for letting himself become her gods damned fool without even realizing it.

“Yes,” he bites out, and tells himself it sounds more authoritative than desperate.

“Strip, and get on the bed, then.” 

Raphael does, quickly, and by the time he is lying flat on his back, head propped up by the pile of plush pillows,  he sees that she has removed her clothing as well. And dignity be damned, because he cannot help how gorgeous he finds her. How his eyes rake hungrily over her perky breasts and the dark, hardened points of her nipples, over the taut musculature of her powerful body, over the delicious curve of her shapely ass. 

Tav allows him to stare at her for a moment before she approaches  him. She gets on top of him in a smooth, practiced motion, and uses a hand to position the tip of his cock at her entrance.

Gods, she is so very wet . 

Raphael takes some solace in the fact that his unseemly lust is apparently reciprocated, before he begins to grow impatient as Tav remains still above him.

“Well?” he asks, petulant.

Tav shifts her hips then, rubbing him along the slick heat of her. Teasing her clit with the head. She throws her head back for a moment with a gasp before returning her gaze to him. The look in her eyes is very serious, even as she bites her lip and uses him to pleasure herself.

“You know what I want.”

“You can’t be serious,” Raphael protests, because she can’t . The little tramp can’t do this to him. He will not allow it.

“Oh, but I am. Give me the Orphic Hammer, and I will ride you so filthily they will have to invent a tenth hell,” and Raphael can’t do anything but close his eyes and groan at the mental image that conjures. He takes a deep breath to calm himself, opening his eyes and leveling her with a glare.

“No.”

“Okay,” Tav says simply, shrugging a little, and begins to climb off of him. Raphael’s hand fly to her hips, instinctively trying to drag her back onto him.

“Wait, wait–”

Tav merely raises a single eyebrow and continues to pull away. “It’s really quite simple, Raphael. If you want me to fuck you, you’re going to give me the Hammer.”

“I–” Raphael starts, and curses her internally. Who knew the little mouse would play so very dirty? He thinks that underestimating her might just be the gravest mistake he’s ever made. “Fine, fine, just get back here.”

She doesn’t. A slow smile grows on her lips. “So, just to be clear of the terms here, you’ll give me the Hammer if I bounce up and down on your cock?”

Must she be so crass? It is extremely distracting. “Fuck, Gods, yes, just come here, you blasted tease.”  Somehow, he is even more ashamed of himself for being brought so low as to swear aloud than he is for giving up his precious bargaining chip.

Tav returns to her position above him, and once more he can feel the warm, wet promise of her dripping cunt against the head of his cock. She braces herself with one arm to the side of his head, and he thinks that finally, finally she will fulfill her end their contract.

But she doesn’t, leaning down to brush a feather-light kiss against his lips instead. Something in his chest tightens.

“Say please,” she whispers against his mouth.

Raphael is going to have an aneurysm.

“Please,” he begs, and Tav takes enough mercy on him to finally sink down, slowly, onto his cock. He cries out at the feel of her, how gloriously tight she is. The walls of her sex flutter around him as he stretches her out, and he takes a moment to be thankful that all she wants is the Hammer. Raphael does not think he would be able to deny her anything right now.

As she seats herself against him, Raphael’s hands flex where they still grasp her hips.

Tav kisses him again, like she means it this time, deep and passionate and filthy. Raphael moans into her mouth, helpless to do anything but kiss her back. Later, he will seriously need to figure out who, exactly, this woman is and what it is that makes her so special. But for now, he cannot even string together a semi-coherent thought. 

Tav ends the kiss and pulls away to begin riding him, slowly at first and then in earnest. She plants her hands on his chest, nails digging into his skin as she angles her hips so that he slams into the most sensitive parts of her. She throws her head back as sweet, plaintive moans erupt from her throat, and Raphael wonders if he could craft a spell that might allow him to capture those sounds in a bottle so he can drink them in forever.

Raphael can sense his release building, quickly, and he wants to tell her to slow down, wants her to let him savor this for as long as possible, but the pace she sets is brutal and unforgiving and too, too good. His orgasm washes over him and he cries out, shuddering as Tav squeezes rhythmically to milk as much spend from his cock as possible.

Tav climbs off of him once more. Raphael watches, speechless, as she swipes two fingers through the mess he made inside her and sucks them into her mouth. His cock twitches with vain interest at the sight of it, too drained to do anything more.

“Mmm,” she hums. “You taste good, you know.”

Raphael isn’t even sure how to categorize the noise that leaves his mouth.

“Anyway, I’m headed off back to the House of Hope to collect my earnings,” Tav says nonchalantly, seemingly unruffled by what was, for Raphael, completely life-changing. She begins to dress herself. “Besides, I promised Haarlep I’d come back anyway so he could take my form. In return for the diaries, I mean.”

A rush of warring emotions fills Raphael at once. Fury at the betrayal and a ghoulish sort of possessiveness over Tav, primarily, but there is also no small amount of joy at the thought that he will have access to her body in perpetuity through his incubus. And that he will get to cum again through Haarlep’s use of her.

Tav begins to leave, and Raphael lets her. He is powerless to stop her. But as she reaches the door, she spares one last look back at him.

“Oh, and when this whole business with the brain is sorted out, maybe we could get dinner.”

Raphael swallows. Nods.

He is so entirely, utterly fucked.