#like a dog i don't do well on my own
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Moodboard tag game
rules: post a picture of a place, animal, plant, season, character, hobby, color, gemstone, and food that reminds you of yourself/represents you
Puget Sound, Dog, Evergreens, Fall, Buck, Writing, Teal, Snowflake Agate, Sugar Cookies
Tagged by: @malewifediaz
No pressure tagging: @im-overstimulated-and-im-sad @lochnesswriter @friendly-chaos @snowviolettwhite @anewkindofme
#in the first picture you can see the ferry in the distance#we dropped my dad's ashes off the back of a ferry on that route#probably about there#tiny dog is my love but i am such a dog person and a pack animal#like a dog i don't do well on my own#beloved evergreens how i miss you#buck's lifetime of never feeling good enough hits so close to home#writing is my only consistent hobby#teal is everything#i adore snowflake agate#and these cookies are the family recipe and ive been charge of making them for a long time now
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I can't find art of my ship anywhere so I GUESS that means I have to make it myself, here are some doodles.
#ugh i can't believe i have to make my own shipping fanart#tfw you're complaining to your sister that you can't find any content of them but then you remember you have the power#man i do not know how to draw kissing or hugging or any of that romantic stuff#mostly i just know how to put paragraphs of dialogue in between two talking heads#but this seems to be something of a rarepair even though they are obsessed with each other so i suppose i gotta try#karlach#lae'zel#shipping#bg3#baldurs gate 3#karlzel#i think that's the ship name but i have found so little of them that i'm genuinely not sure#laelach#(just in case)#but come on they're perfect! they're sunshine/raincloud! dog energy/cat energy! tall/small! hot and cold! canonically into each other!#character who represses sadness and character who doesn't understand happiness! pretty girls who can both bench press each other!#considering what their banter looks like i don't get how this isn't a more popular pairing. who else does karlach wistfully sigh over?#my sister tells me that lae'zel is not well-liked by the wider fandom and that that may be why (so sorry if other people have bad taste)#or maybe people don't often put the barbarian and the fighter together in the same party at the same time#anyway now that you're 100% convinced feel free to draw them making out so that i don't have to k thx <3
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Alright know what here's a little Guild Wars 2 reblog game for everybody; what mounts (if any) do your characters have in their canon, do they have names? Personalities? How'd they meet??
Spill it all below, tell me about all your creatures!!
#my posts#gw2#guild wars 2#thinking about this a lot lately since mine def do!#I'll start: Pirkko has branded mounts and while I haven't named most of them. they were all branded over by Aurene#because they'd been corrupted by Kralkatorrik and they wanted to see if Aurene's magic could purify them in some way#it usually didn't work but Pirkko keeps the ones they saved#Larimar is her skyscale. his egg was tainted by the Brand before he hatched so Aurene was barely able to save him#he's a chivalrous knight type and is known to be just as noble as the Commander who raised him. brave. bold. kind of a dork.#while the Commander is fighting he circles up above and swoops down to rescue injured soldiers from the front line#Saoirse meanwhile gets the SoTo skyscale egg and that hatches into Nightshade. he's fierce and protective too#but in a much more 'loyal guard dog' sort of way as opposed to trying to help everyone else as well. he's an axejaw!#in Regrowth Ceara gets Foxglove because the Commander and Gorrik could NOT manage this little troublemaker#she's too smart for her own good and is CONSTANTLY causing problems. so basically just like Ceara HDKDHDH#Foxglove's a lunarmane! and she's very fluffy and cute and will give you the big shiny eyes to mooch all your food. evil#Ruju meanwhile has a full cast of different mounts who all were troublemakers in different ways when he found them#his griffon Windshear's a northern featherwing that was notorious for carrying off travelers in Lornar's Pass. turned out she was just bore#she's very playful and mischievous and still grabs him on a regular basis. he absolutely hates this#his fulgurite ridgeback jackal Thunderclap was a rogue jackal that the djinn had him help recapture and tame#he's imbued with Ruju's air element magic and is known to make the air spark and smell of ozone when he's annoyed#then there's Blitz his lepidote brute skyscale! he likes bloodstone magic and kept nipping everyone until it was finally provided#the rest I don't have in-game yet but I DO have concepts for the skimmer/warclaw/raptor. the 1st 2 I know what skins I want too#the skimmer will be a frosty-dyed lithosol named Frostbite. it's an ice elemental that terrorized Frostgorge Sound#the warclaw is a spinetail nian with jungle colors since it's supposed to be a smokescale-type saurian critter#and the raptor is SUPPOSED to be the jungle raptor that plointt grew to huge size and promptly tried to eat him#BUT there isn't a skin that feels close enough yet so rip. Fang is a handful tho and keeps trying to chew on Inquest HDJDGDH#ANYWAY. that's all of mine. throws this into the wind
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do you ever feel casually suicidal? like you're not depressed or anything you're doing fine but also it feels like a convenient option
#if you can't make connections with people or be seen by anyone then like. at least you can feel like you're helping a better cause#to like charities and gfms and anyone else#but you have to tone that down bc you're slowly losing money bc you still can't get a job#and bc you don't have a job it means you're just stuck in the house all day. which gives Way Too Much opportunity to Think about everything#and also so like. i still share a room with my sister but it was fine bc she'd stay at her bf's a few nights a week#but he's got a job that's a bit further away and basically she can't go round his as much. so now it's maybe like once a week#the room is getting messier so it gives me less energy to do anything#you can get really into an unhealthy weight loss obsession bc at least it feels like you're getting towards something#but idek is set weight theory real? bc once i get down to a certain point it suddenly resets#like honestly counting calories and donating money to every gfm i saw and writing a film script was what kept me going#but first one isn't working and second i need some sort of income and third is finished and i have no way of actually creating it#and then there's the whole lack of stable hyperfixation and ability to find new music i enjoy#and realistically what would fix me is having a good job that i enjoy and somewhere to live on my own#but until i get a job that's currently impossible. and even then it probably won't feel like enough#my entire life is lived on my phone i need more physical objects but i don't have enough space#bc i share a room with my sister. it's like all my problems are connected#and i have enough optimism that i still think it'll get better in the next few weeks. maybe i'll be able to get a job and that'll#get everything going again#but at the same time i could easily just die#I've graduated from uni. I've seen the who live 3 times. I've crashed my car twice. I've watched 30 years of corrie. I've met various dogs#what else is there to do with my life honestly#(<- joking)#but yeah like. in summer 2021 i almost got suicidal (it was just letting the occasional thought linger in my mind etc)#but that was bc i was so depressed#but now it feels like i could just kill myself. but more just out of convenience#idek. i'm not gonna kill myself. bc i have a job interview on tuesday. and just in general i won't#but there is this casual feeling of like. well i might as well. i can't describe it#ramble#suicide tw#weight loss mention
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I keep seeing videos online being like "back in my day we wanted toys and things that were popular and people around us also wanted for Christmas but now my kid wants trendy things and an Iphone 15"
and ive seen it phrased so many times that their idk 8 year old is like "I need the iPhone 15 for Christmas and I'm you bought me the iPhone 14 for my birthday but now that's old and crusty" and acting like wow my kid is so spoilt and bratty kids these days suck like - YOU ARE THE ONE WHO BOUGHT A KID THE IPHONE 14 FOR THEIR BIRTHDAY?! THEY'RE 8. YOURE DOING THIS!
They act like it's the kids fault when really they're growing up with access to things they really oughtened to, and some of the other things are just "my friend thinks it's cool and the rich kids at school have it so I want it" like you millenial parent didn't do the exact same thing just with other things. I hate that they're making fun of the kids due to their parenting choices.
#their Christmas list in entirety adds up to so much money!#how am I gonna afford all this?#I've also seen parents claiming their kids are so spoilt and bratty because#but like... aren't Christmas lists normally a “here's a bunch of things I'd love and then you pick some stuff off it so I get a surprise!”#dudes and girlypops#both as gender neutral terms#your doing this to yourself#creating a negative attitude towards your own children#girl I never expected my Christmas list and I'm still a teen so not too long ago I was that age#I asked for at least one type of animal every year (degus - chinchillas - rabbits - snakes - leopard geckos - dogs - cats - chickens -#bearded dragons - the lot)#knowing for well I'd never get them#and my parents wouldn't because no you don't get everything you want this is a wishlist not an everything shopping list#but holding out a teeny hope that Santa would take pity#but my point is that those among other things I knew I wasn't likely to get#millenials#parenting#gen alpha#Christmas
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#*p#A week until I go home 6 months have felt like two#Maybe three months#Well I don't really go home in a week bc first I'm doing other stuff#(Like the great 2024 kili meet upppp!!)#But then I'll be home after that and I really don't know what to think of that#Like obviously my dog#My babies#I get to see themmmm#And also my friends. But ill also miss everyone here#And I think I like living alone . I do t want to go home and having g other people tell me what to do. But also my bedroom I love you#And not having to make my own food
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Maybe it's just me. Maybe when I died, that last time, I didn't leave behind all my spite, or fury, or determination to survive. But the way cat therians- not big cats, but "house" cats- are portrayed is wrong.
I am not a soft little kitten to be seen as weak and abandoned. I have fought tooth and claw to ensure my survival. I might not have the body of a cat anymore, but I will do it again if I have to.
I am not your baby, I am not your pet, I am not your tool to use just to say you care about animals. I did not die just for you to see my body and think I was helpless, not when my claws still hold the fur of the one that killed me.
I may not be as big as a cougar or a leopard, but will that really matter? Does the size of the teeth in your throat make you any less dead?
#mitzy meows#cat therian#feline therian#sirensong#even when i lived with humans i didn't belong to them.#so why do they feel they have the right to act like they owned me?#this goes for some dog therians as well if you'd like#i don't hate humans.#but when they try to infantilize me because of my age or theriotype i am SORELY tempted to maul them.#i'm calm now. this was more of last night's anger than anything. but i still wanted to post it
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I have a lot of specific or strange standards but one I will never feel bad about is just that I am simply not dating anyone with a small dog again. Never trained, and they always either have an attitude because they can get away with whatever they want without their owner caring, or downright MEAN little things because their owner abuses them for fun. Cats and big dogs are where it's at, but no relationship with anyone with an ankle biter has ever worked out, and the more people I meet and animals I work with, the more violent, nasty tiny dogs I see, and the more sweet, well behaved large dogs. Cats can do whatever they want tho I actually don't really care
#this is a broad generalization of course'#few and far between there ARE good little dogs and little dog owners#but there isn't enough to make it worth my time#and honestly I do also just think the majority of small breeds aren't cute#like I don't hate them or anything#but I don't ever really want to touch them or spend time with them#it's just like 'oh how nice. it has fur that feels like carpet.'#idk even when they're well trained and non-aggressive#I just don't really find them cute or appealing and I don't ever want to fall in love with someone who owns an animal that I'm just#tolerating
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relationships are so weird like do I want one do I hate humanity who knows
#I'm soooooo tired but I can't sleep#back in italy#really happy to have seen my dogs again#also I'm thinking I do need support to exist decently I'm more disabled than what I thought bc I definitely was NOT eating well on my own#like I don't even know how to explain but if I have to have a job I focus on that so much that all the rest gets achieved in the fastest#and less tiring way I can find#which is not the healthiest
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and I feel the oral fixation being so so strong in this chilli's tonight.
#nsfwtext#wanna be all cuddled up#and have them read something#while I pleasure them#have them read out loud to me#and hear their brain slowly dissolve#shaky breath and sweet sounds an my arms around their thighs to keep them from denying me access#me slowing down so they continue reading#but their voice is all soft and low now and sometimes they just need some seconds to enjoy the moment#just staying like that cuddling and pleasure and reading#me getting so so cotton brained and needy i can't hold back my own moans and desperate little sounds#and them pocking fun of how braindead and gone i sound#so dumb i can probably not even comprehend what they are saying anyway#they put the book aside and tell me to not worry they know I am note cut out to think just a stupid girl#all my brain is good for is serving and whorshipping them#my moans of love and desperation little preyers to them#yeah#eitherway#shaking my head every few seconds to get the picture of me whorshipping someone out of my head#like a dog thats wet and or bothered by a fly#fully not doing well#you know what I'll do? I'll play some stardew valley and make some art and maybr that will calm me down#also music#atmos bloom my beloved#am literally whineing and pouting and withering away because i don't have an outlet for this right now!!!!#no one has it worse than me#:cccccc#(this is just me being silly and pouty)#literally feel homesick for a lap to burry my face into#WHATEVER
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zachariah is the best character on this show actually
#he's so funny!!!!#also supernatural always coming in with the 'character suddenly says something quiet and devastating and then moves on'#even for him#'Everybody's laughing at me!' (pause and then quieter) 'and they're right to do it.'#zach my man i will dig into your silly little psyche#i mean okay you don't really have to dig he lays it out right there#he was top dog and then failing to grab the winchesters knocked him down.#and like. we know what getting knocked down in heaven means. he knows what it means.#how much can he fail before they toss him right in the chair where he sent castiel once.#no. look. listen to me. i'm not crazy. he's fascinating to me okay.#naomi is fascinating in the later seasons for similar reasons but she has different-ish motives. on the whole she's here for the collective#and zach is certainly serving heaven's interests. zero doubt in that. but like. he is also definitely serving his own.#he wants to be top of the food chain. useful to michael. because that's one of the few positions in heaven that means you get power.#and he takes it out on the people under him! he says it himself! he's petty!#resorts to physical violence to get sam & dean to do what he wants like they are stress balls.#(stands in front of them and goes >:) im gonna fuck ur mom. who else is doing it like him.)#im getting distracted my point is like. zachariah is probably the angel the most aware of the position he's in.#different than his awareness of like. his role in the story like raphael or lucifer or michael. but his role in the system?#he understands that. he knows how to play that game very well to make himself the most powerful respected angel in the room.#heaven cult my beloved. zachariah would sell anyone out for a corn chip and a promotion.#because of course he would. why wouldn't he. him looking around at other angels thinking: well why wouldn't you. i have to get there first.#tl;dr he's so funny. literally smiling every time he's on screen im gonna miss him when he dies.#zachariah spn#spn#(no okay wait not done. all of that there. all his posturing and making sure he's in the top position.#and despite that. joshua walks on screen. says 'scram' and zach Knows he can't do shit about it and leaves. like!!!!#THAT'S IT! THESIS. DOESN'T MATTER HOW HIGH IN THE OFFICE HE IS. ONE SLAP FROM UP TOP AND HE HAS TO BACK OFF!!!#THERE IS NO WINNING THIS GAME! THERE IS ONLY PLAYING IT AS BEST YOU CAN UNTIL SOMEONE FLIPS THE FUCKING BOARD!!!)#now im done <3
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Me: oh nice a little dog! I'm gonna pet this nice little dog outside. So cute haha
My brain: the dog has antibiotic resistant bacteria and then you will pet it and then you're going to touch your hair or your skin and from your skin or hair you'll breathe in the bacteria from the dog which causes a lung infection that's resistant to antibiotics and then you spend the rest of your miserable life struggling to breathe hooked up to IV antibiotics but none of them work and you eventually perish so don't pet that fucking dog if you want to LIVE!!!
#OCD#this shit is crazy girl#also my brain has decided that my cat is eventually going to get trapped inside the microwave and die if I don't do absolutely everything to#prevent it#so that's fun as well#personal#obsessive compulsive#the past year or so I've been sooo obsessed with antibiotic resistance which sucks.#cause it's hard to separate my fear from the fact that this is a real thing becoming a bigger and bigger problem :(#also my cat literally has antibiotic resistant infection at the moment and I'm trying sooooo so hard to be normal about it#I just wanna relax and pet a fucking cat or dog without VIVIDLY IMAGINING MY OWN HORRIFIC DEATH#it really doesn't help that I have an intense interest in medical shit like this so I know too many things for my brain to use as#fodder for anxiety
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For some reason I was thinking about BC’s Fuck marry kill and how everyone else joked around but Joel was all serious about his ”I’d fuck Olli because he’s the most handsome” -answer 😭 like yes we been knew you’re sexually attracted to him (him filming him half naked doing yoga and all that) but. really?? 😭
(and for legal reasons this is a joke)
Joeeeeeellll your bisexuality is showing agaaiiinn 🙄
I mean, I'm convinced the whole fucking band is sexually attracted to Olli (who's completely oblivious to it and think the others are just messing with him) because who woudn't be, honestly?
Tommi commenting how Olli always looks good?
Niko saying Olli is the most handsome in the band?
Joonas having a whole-ass sexual awakening watching Olli paint a broccoli shamrock on his chest? (Yes, I may have stared at a gif of this for unreasonably long yesterday)
To conlcude, they all a little gay for Olli 💕
#we're ALL gay for olli aren't we 🥰#although in joonas' defence he's a little gay for everyone#(also i don't just randomly stare at BC gifs in my freetime! i was looking for another picture and just came across that lol#hence i have a vivid image of it imprinted on my brain currently)#but WHERE is my yoga instructor!olli and beginner yoga trainee!joel fic??#he enrolled for the beginner yoga class because his therapist and his mom and porko thought it might be good for him#(he's not quite as positive and porko would literally walk him to the yoga studio to drop him off like a child at day-care)#joonas is friends with olli of course so he just passes joel to him and leaves for his porko business#abandoning joel before he can do or say anything#(joel thought they were going for a record shop haul and now he knows how dogs must feel#when their owner tells them they're going to the park but really they're going to the vet)#joel understands his loved ones only want the best for him but he's not sure how a bit of strecthing is going to help him 🙄#in fact stretching is the LAST thing he wants to be doing when he sees how thight the instructor's yoga pants are 😳#so he spents the whole 30 minutes not knowing where to look 🙈#(mostly he looks at the instructor's face because it's so devastatingly cute 😩)#and then the instructor pulls out a basket of wolly socks for the trainees to put on for the final relaxation#(well actually just for joel because apparently everyone else knew to bring their own. this is somehow porko's fault)#so joel nearly cries as he lays on the yoga mattress listening to olli's calm voice bc 1) he's actually feeling a little better already#and 2) he might have fallen in love a tiny bit 😭💞#...okay i may need to write this myself actually#if y'all up for reading it? anyone at all?? 👉👈#joelxolli#answered asks#anon asks
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mm
#i miss my dog#long story short my first baby that was my own was a puppy that i adopted with my ex#her name is Sarah and she was a rottie/german sheperd mix and was absolutely beautiful#and since ex was recovering from surgery when we got her i raised her from a baby#and did all her training and took her out to parks and new places and just totally threw myself into taking care of her#she was so well trained and so sweet and so nervous all the time. i worked on confidence building with her and she trusted me so much#she listened to me over anyone else and ran to hide behind me when she was anxious and would let me do things she wouldnt let anyone elsedo#and then. of course. when we split up my ex took her with her.#i got the second puppy we'd been raising for a few months at that point.#her logic was that she picked Sarah out so she was hers and I picked Lucas out so he was mine#and it's not that I don't love him but I miss that dog so so much. she's reactive and hard to deal with and my ex just. never dealt with it#when we were together i was the one working on it and taking her out in public even though it was hard and walking her#so i know shes not getting the kind of care she needs. which makes it even fucking harder.#just. im trying to love the dog that I have and i do love him. i do! but she was my baby and i miss her so so much and i know shes not okay#ive been trying to give myself grace and know that i wont have as much of a bond with Lucas as i did with her right away and thats okay#but i know that i resent it a little bit every time im reminded that he's not her. and its going away#but slowly. and im trying to lean into doing the kind of things i did with her like training and confidence building and bonding#but ive been avoiding it because it makes me sad every time. but the lil fucker deserves better. and he needs some manners.#so im gonna work through it and just. do it with him. treat him with as much love as i did her when she was growing up.#itll either get better with time or it wont and ill deal with it when i get to it#but fuck do i miss her so much
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I am once again completely losing any interest or motivation to actually write anything 🙃🙃🙃
#it just poof! disappears! vanishes! gone! it has left the building!#I absolutely positively HAVE to write linearly I cannot go oh well I have the ideas for much later chapters so I'll start there#my brain does NOT work like that and quite frankly I hate the advice that's always like oh write the fun bits first then!#cause it's like bitch I KNOW myself I KNOW my brain I'd never finish ANYTHING#I am the ULTIMATE 'well this isn't fun anymore I'm dipping' bitch. QUEEN of hitting the bricks#and also my brain just. will not function in that way. things gotta be done in ORDER or it DOES. NOT. WORK. AT. ALL. EVEN. A LITTLE.#but I find myself getting very VERY self-conscious and outright repelled by own set-up and structuring if that makes any sense?#it's like I gotta BUILD to *the* part but when I work on the foundation and framework I'm like 🫤😟🥴#it's like oh this just sounds like boring drab info dumping bullshit#and the thing is. I know it's not! I'm not a *bad* writer. I know anyone else reading it doesn't see it as#hollow paint by numbers blah blah blah bland af shit#but to ME it feels that way#and I just lose the desire to work on anything anymore#this has been going on for MONTHS now. MONTHS. I've not been able to write ANYTHING. for MONTHS. cause of this.#this stupid weird trepidation that all my setup work is just horrid awful runny dog shit#idk where it csme from. idk why it's stuck around so long. idk how to fix it. don't think it CAN be fixed at this point.#I just don't know what I'm doing man. I used to LOVE writing fic. now I'm like lol maybe DON'T do that.#erin explains it all
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entering my bitch era (trying to get more into twitter fandom and finding my tl flooded with people talking about A Certain Popular AU Fic that is, frankly, mostly just fine, and being overwhelmed with some of the pettiest little jealous rages you ever did see)
#pointless post is pointless#like damn at least [other popular au fic] is extremely fucking good#where's MY fandom-within-a-fandom?? where's MY pages and pages of fanart??#plus i'm so sick of smau's since joining twitter it's going to drive me crazy#everyone and their god damn dog has about four on the go what the shit#not that the format /can't/ be used well but so many of them are boring and badly written#and still have big followings because - ???????#because i have no idea why#also reading fic on twitter is a nightmare and i don't know why anyone would prefer it over ao3#broken threads and the inability to edit and jfc#when you COULD have centralised tags and word counts and chapter breaks and edits#is it just because it's suited to mobile format????? what IS it about these things that seems to have captured everyone so much??#UUUGGGHHHHHHHH#please no one take this as an attack i am fully aware i'm being a mean and jealous little killjoy lol#maybe i really do just have an overinflated sense of my own talent lmao#edit: OH AND OF COURSE on twt you need to ADD ALT TEXT TO IMAGES THAT ARE NOTHING BUT SCREENSHOTTED PROSE#because the basic premise of a smau is actually really fucking difficult to execute#(a story told primarily through the medium of images text messages and social media exchanges)#so most of them resort to PRIMARILY using prose interspersed with flavour images#in which case WHY would you post it on TWITTER#the defining feature of which is A VERY SMALL CHARACTER LIMIT
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