#like all I did was submit a single room housing application. Marked that I have a disability that requires housing accomidations on it

[sweet-as-kiwis]

You would think disability services would make it Easy to get your accommodations but noooo of Course not

[cityonlinementor]

Mentor Message 2.16.24

Sometimes I feel like a sloth...

🐱‍💻Campus Updates/Reminders

2 Reminders for Syllabi Policies:

A.  AI: Include a policy on AI/academic integrity in syllabi. Departments may want to determine recommended policies for their disciplines See Syllabus Samples

B. Logging in is not “Attending”: See DE Handbook p. 6 for recommendations. This is per Federal financial aid regulations (see p. 5-65

2. Enrollment Concerns:  Due to increasing cases of large-number false enrollments, it is important for online faculty to reach out & drop all no-shows/no contact students the first day & to contact & enroll waitlisted students. Pre-start enrollment numbers might be vastly "off."

3. DE Toolbox Resource Site: SDCCD Online Pathways has been updating the SDCCD DE Toolkit. This helps fill the gap now that the sdccdolvid site where Dave Giberson & Katie Palacios kept a library of tutorials is no longer supported. The site still works, but no updated content after Dave retired last year.

4. Student Email: Faculty can reach out to students using the non-sdccd email (especially important for pre-semester, drop/add, waitlists). Many thanks to Dean DeVore, Margarita Murray & their team for creating this. Tutorial: See 1.28.24 Mentor Message or Tumblr Blog for archived messages.

5. Office 365 Issue: PT faculty don’t have access to the Word/PPT/Excel software off-line. To create or open those types of files, PT faculty must be logged into their Outlook Account/Myapps  If PT faculty need access offline, fill out a request.*Request Form for Downloadable 365 (not a guarantee it will be granted – requires Dean sign-off).

*365 LTI in Canvas not recommended: You still have to open the Word/PPT/Excel application in your MyApps or your desktop applications (if you have it downloaded).

6. Upgraded Wi-Fi at City is complete. Please submit a Help ticket if you have difficulties accessing the Guest-Connect or the SDCCD Campus Connect (faculty/students/staff only). Info & tutorials: See LRC Info or the District Wi-Fi site. You may need to “forget network” or work with the Helpdesk for your particular phone, tablet, laptop, etc.Many thanks to Charlie Mills on getting this gargantuan task completed!

7. New Paper Cut Pay-to-Print in LRC: See Student Accounting for transferring funds from the old system. The high-speed KIC scanner is available for free, fast scanning Info on printing and scanning in the LRC.

🧊🛠Cool Tools

MS 365 Add-ins for Word: No need to navigate away from your document to add accent marks, find images, symbols, etc. HUGE time saver for accent marks in Romance languages or math/chem symbols! Video Tutorial (3:44) Most are free; some have limitations.

Humanize Your Zoom Waiting Room: You can personalize the message people see in the Zoom Waiting Room before you start a meeting. This is global, so you may want something that would work for all your classes/meetings. Tutorial (2:42)

Multimedia/captioning Option for Discussion Boards: How to use Canvas Studio in DB

Can All Your Students View Your Beautiful Content? Use Pope Tech or the Canvas Accessibility Tool to check accessibility. This helps everyone, including those with slower Internet/cell speeds. Checkers are at the bottom of every box where you can type/edit in Canvas.

✨🆕Zoom Update: Polls & Quizzes are now housed with “Surveys”

Zoom polls work like “clickers” if you want anonymous responses in real time. You can share the percentages for each of the answer choices. Easy peasy – free for you & students to use; they can use any device with an updated Zoom client.

Faster workload: Copy/paste all questions/answers from Zoom polls/quizzes/surveys into MS Word! Click on “Preview” to copy/paste the text.

Quick anonymous surveys for Online Live classes. Your survey will automatically open after your Zoom class ends. I did a “Muddiest Point” one last week.

How To: Surveys>Create Survey>Type or paste in your questions>Save

Video tutorial (4:15)  Note: “single choice” means picking only 1 answer; “multiple choice” means being able to select more than 1 answer in Zoom. Review the responses by clicking on the number in your survey.

🧠AI: Resources & Food for Thought

MS 365 Co-Pilot: Want to use an AI tool that keeps your content in SDCCD? You and your students have free Co-Pilot access with SDCCD Outlook email login/password.

Equity/Privacy Issues with AI Checkers: Why Vanderbilt turned off their Turnitin AI checker

Food for thought on creating prompts/assignments to outwit AI: Yejin Choi, The Not So Intelligent Side of AI

How AI Can Perpetuate Bias & Discrimination: Interview with Safiya Noble, UCLA

[professorrw]

Life’s Unfair

Pairing: female reader x Bucky Barnes

Requested: Yes

Warnings: abusive relationship, abuse, mentions of PTSD, victim blaming, cheating, alcohol, Bucky and Steve save reader from abusive boyfriend

A/N: If I missed any warnings please tell me! If there is anything wrong with this let me know.  Requests are open for one-shots, headcanons, imagines, and drabbles for My Hero Academia, Harry Potter, and Marvel! My taglist is open so if you’d like to be on that just tell me! Please like, comment, and reblog!

Why is life so unfair? Why do bad things happen to you? Why don’t you get a happy ending? Why do you have to suffer? Why do you attract bad people? Why are you so weak? These were all the thoughts running through your head as you laid next to your boyfriend board stiff. You were silently crying, if he heard you he would hit you more. 

Life is unfair, that’s a statement, a fact. At least you believe it is. In college you were a good student. You were smart, but you let people walk all over you. One of those people being Chad. It was okay at first, you really believed he loved you. But he didn’t, and he still doesn’t. In college you were a means of getting good grades and sex. Now you were a way to live rent free. While you worked as a sort of assistant for the Avengers he would party, drink, and cheat on you.

It wasn’t like you didn’t know. He didn’t try to hide it at all. You would randomly find panties that weren’t yours and acrylic nails that weren’t your style under the bed, even sometimes in it. You didn’t say anything though. You couldn’t. Because if you did he would hit you and yell at you. Even if you acted good and stayed quiet he would abuse you.

It was a never ending cycle that you couldn’t leave. He had control over you. He made you feel like shit every single day. He would tell you you couldn’t survive without him and you would die if you left him. You were scared of him. He had physical power over you. It wasn’t like you just pack up and leave.

What was even more unfair was that you were in love with someone. That someone being Bucky Barnes, a former Winter Soldier. You were assigned to help him adjust to his new life and you slowly but surely realized you loved him. He was kind and funny. Gentle, even though he had a dark past. He was intent on changing and you were there to help him. He found solace in your continued company, even when he was adjusted and could do things on his own.

You were a constant in his life and he was secretly in love with you too. But you had a boyfriend. That was the only thing holding him back. What he didn’t know was that Chad abused you. You didn’t tell anyone and made sure to keep it a secret. It was embarrassing to tell people that you had been in an abusive relationship for nearly ten years and you were too scared to leave it. So you suffered in silence.

You clocked into work at the Avenger base early the next morning. You left before Chad was awake. You didn’t want to hear his empty apologies anymore. They didn’t mean anything. He was a manipulative bastard that would abuse you at night and then act all innocent when he woke up. He blamed it on the alcohol. But if he really wanted to stop he could have. 

It was humid outside and you were sweating bullets in your long sleeve blouse. You were usually dressed in long sleeves and pants, to cover the bruises. It was a miserable way to live, but you endured it. The Avengers didn’t question your fashion, they just thought it was your personal style to dress modestly. It wasn’t. If you could, you would dress more freely, sexy even. But even if you didn’t have bruises Chad wouldn’t let you. He would claim you were dressing for other men, trying to seduce them.

You were hired as a rehabilitation effort to help Bucky but all the Avengers like having you around and hired you as a sort of assistant. Even though they didn’t need assistance and you mostly just talked to them and had fun. The only real work you did was sorting out their public affairs and sometimes talking them through tough times. 

As you walked into the cool Avengers tower lobby you were greeted by the receptionist, who informed you that Bucky was in his room. You took the elevator up to his temporary placement while he looked for his own apartment, which you were doing today. 

You knocked on the door and he immediately replied, “Come in.” Once he saw it was you his face lit up.

“Hey-” your voice caught in your throat when you saw Bucky, who was shirtless. 

He noticed your flustered face and bashfully pulled his shirt on. “Sorry about that doll. I was getting ready.”

“It-It’s fine.” You couldn’t seem to look him in the eye now that the sight of his abs and chest were burned into your brain.

“I asked Steve to come too. For advice, ya know.” He was leaning against his bed frame with his non-metal arm. He looked like a model you would find in a magazine for some masculine cologne.

“Good idea. Steve’s been in your shoes before and he’s known you for years.”

As if on cue there was a knock at the door and Steve stuck his head in. “Sorry I heard talking and assumed you guys were ready.”

You and Bucky glanced at one another before you answered. “Yeah, we’re ready.” 

The three of you began your trip around Brooklyn, where Bucky wanted to live. You went to all the listings you had marked, spending most of the day there. You took a break from hunting and went to get lunch.

You took a seat outside with Bucky while Steve got your food.

“So… do you like any of them?”

“Yeah, I mean, they’re apartments, that's for sure,” he shrugged.

“Buck, come on. What’s wrong with ‘em?”

“S’just weird, ya know? Acting normal and doing normal stuff.”

You reached across the table and took his hand. “It’s okay to feel weird about this stuff. I’m sure Steve has felt it too.”

“Yeah, but Steve-” he was cut off by the man himself walking up to your table and placing your food down. You quickly pulled your hand away, but not fast enough to hide it from Steve. He knew all about your feelings for one another.

You tucked into your food, forgetting about your conversation for now. Bucky had confided in you a lot of what he had done, sparing you the nitty gritty details. He told you about his PTSD, about all the dreams he had. He trusted you and allowed you to comfort him. You were the only woman in his life, the only woman he even considered close to him. 

It broke your heart knowing what he went through for all those years and all you could tell him was that he’s changed. And he has. At first he was cold and wouldn’t talk to anyone but he warmed up to you and Steve and let you into his bubble. 

Lunch went well and you continued on your search. You looked at a wide range of apartments until it was nearly nine and you had arrived at the last apartment. It was close to one of your favorite restaurants, which Bucky knew.

You walked up the flight of stairs and into the apartment. It had exposed brick on one side of the wall and a fire escape right out the window. It felt like Bucky’s style and something that would suit him. He surveyed the living room, kitchen, and bedroom before he returned.

“I think it suits you. It seems like something you would like,” you said.

“I agree,” Steve said.

Bucky stopped in the middle of the living room, contemplating it for a second. “I like it too.”

“Great! Do you want me to call the owner and tell her you want to make an offer?” you asked.

“Yeah, thanks doll.”

You did just that and luckily the owner was in the building at that moment. You three went down to talk to her and submit Bucky’s application before you stepped out into the cool night air.

Steve’s house was in the opposite direction of your apartment and the Avengers tower so he told you two good night and went on his way, leaving you two alone.

You two started walking towards your apartment. Bucky didn’t know where exactly it was but he wasn’t going to let you walk home alone at night.

“I’m glad you found one.” 

“Me too. It’s not that far from your place is it?”

“No, just a few streets away.” You two were walking so close together your shoulders were bumping.

“I might have to come visit you sometime then, huh?”

You glanced over at Bucky who was gazing at you as he walked. He had a gentle expression on his face, no worries or cares creasing his face when he was with you. “Yeah you might.”

You kicked at some pebbles as you both got closer and closer to your apartment. As you arrived in front of it you stopped, causing Bucky to halt as well.

“Well… I’ll see you tomorrow Buck.” You rocked back and forth on your heels as Bucky smiled down at you. He was waging war within himself to keep from reaching out and kissing you. He too felt how unfair life was.

“See ya tomorrow doll.” He waved goodbye as you walked up the stairs. He waited on the sidewalk until you were safely inside. You had a giddy feeling inside you. Spending the day with Bucky was like a breath of fresh air. Your home away from home in a way. You walked into your apartment and locked the door behind you with a small grin on your face.

It was quickly wiped away when you heard Chad’s voice behind you. “Who was that? Your lover?”

You turned around slowly and answered him in a calm voice, “No, he's my friend.”

“What did you say? Speak up when you talk to me!” His voice was steadily getting louder and you were close to trembling.

“He’s my friend!” you shouted. Your fists were clenched at your sides.

“You want to yell at me? You want to yell at me bitch? Who do you think you are? Without me you’re nothing! You belong to me!” He moved closer and closer to you until he was inches away. He pushed your shoulder with each sentence he spoke, each push getting progressively harder.

“You can tell your little boyfriend that! You’re mine! Isn’t that right?” He grabbed your chin with his hand and made you look into his eyes. His breath reeked of beer. “Isn’t that right?”

You nodded meekly, fighting back the tears. He was scowling at you with pure hatred in his eyes. What did you ever do to him? What made him think you deserved this treatment?

He let go of your face and pushed you one last time, making you hit the coffee table and then the floor. Your whole body was shaking and your left arm was aching where it hit the table. You went to sleep the same way as every night, silent and scared.

You woke up even earlier than the previous day and walked to the bathroom. Your eyes were red and puffy from last night's crying. You raised your left sleeve to see a new bruise on the side of your arm just above your wrist. You pressed a finger against it and winced. You got ready for work again and headed out.

There wasn’t much going on at the tower today. You saw Bucky an hour after you arrived. He thanked you for helping him before he told you that he was approved for the apartment. You shared your congratulations and went on with your work. Your mind went back to last night and how Chad’s excuse for hitting you was Bucky. He would use anything that he could find to use against you, even your friends.

You couldn’t help but think it was your fault. You were pretty close to Bucky last night. If it weren’t for Chad lingering in your mind you would have kissed him. You quit daydreaming about Bucky and started working again. A few hours later you were wondering whether or not to go out and eat lunch. 

Steve approached your desk. “Do you want to go have lunch with me?”

“Yeah! I was actually just debating whether or not I was going to go out but I don’t have a reason not to now.”

You and Steve went out to lunch and chatted about whatever came to mind in the moment. When you were finished eating you left to go to the bathroom. When you were washing your hands your sleeves got wet so you rolled them up a few inches. You dried off your hands and returned to Steve. 

“The waitress came by and gave me the bill. I went ahead and paid.”

“Thanks. I owe you.” You reached to grab your to-go cup off the table.

“What happened?” Steve was looking at you with concern.

You felt your blood run cold. You glanced at your arm. Your sleeve raised even more and your bruise was peeking out.

“Nothing. I tripped and hit my arm.” You tried to keep your voice steady but you were starting to shake. Steve’s concern didn’t go away. He could tell you were lying.

“Y/N what really happened? Did someone do this to you?”

“I- no that’s not it. I- I fell.” Your lip was quivering. You were on the verge of tears. Steve looked around before getting up and motioning for you to follow him. You walked out of the diner and onto the street before turning on a less crowded street where there was a small park. Steve sat down on a bench and you sat beside him. You were fiddling with your thumbs, unsure of what to say. You didn’t want anyone to know what was happening to you but now Steve knew.

“Y/N, please. You’re hurt. Tell me who did this to you. Is it your boyfriend?” 

Your chest tightened and you gulped down the saliva that was filling your mouth. A tear escaped your eye and rolled down your cheek as you nodded. You put your head in your hands in an effort to hide your face. Steve put a hand on your shoulder. “Why didn’t you tell anyone?”

“It’s embarrassing. I’m a grown woman and I can’t even- I’m afraid.”

“How long has it been going on?”

“Years.”

Steve was in silence. He couldn’t believe he didn’t realize sooner.

“Does anyone know? Does Bucky know?”

You shook your head.

“I don’t know what to do.” You wiped your tears and sniffled. Your breath was as shaky as your hands.

“We’ll figure it out. Can you go home tonight? Will you be okay for one more night?”

“What are you going to do?”

“Just answer me. Will you be okay for one more night?”

“I’ve been okay for all these years. What’s one more night?”

“Okay… be careful.”

You cleaned yourself up and went back to work for the rest of the day. When you got home Chad was black out drunk on the couch. That meant he wasn’t going to wake up for a while and you would be left alone. You went to bed alone, imagining all the things that could possibly happen tomorrow. Steve didn’t tell you what he was going to do but you were scared. There were many ways that it could end badly.

You headed into work the next morning the same as everyday. You were greeted at the door by Bucky. As soon as he saw you through the windows he ran to meet you. Before you knew what was happening you were in his arms. His human hand was shaking as it stroked your hair.

“Y/N I’m so sorry. I’m sorry. I should have noticed. I should have known.” He pulled away. “We’re going to get you out of this. You don’t have to be scared anymore. You’re okay. I promise I won’t let something happen to you ever again. I promise. I promise…” He was so worried he was trembling. When Steve told him about your bruise and your boyfriend he was furious. He spent his whole night worrying about you, hoping that you were okay.

You pulled him back into the hug. “Buck it’s not your fault. You couldn’t have known. I made sure no one knew.”

“Y/N I love you! I love you and I didn’t even realize! It was happening right under my nose! I see you every day. I talk to you every day. Have been for almost a year and I didn’t even know!” He took a moment to collect himself. “Y/N if you let me I’ll protect you until the day I die. No one, no one will ever hurt you again.”

His proclamation had driven you to tears. He loves you. He wants to protect you.

“What’s wrong? Are you okay?” Your crying worried him even more.

“Nothings wrong, it's just… you love me.” You wiped your tears and smiled at him.

“Of course I do! And I promise I’m going to get you away from him. You’ll never have to worry about him again.” 

You couldn’t form words so you just laid your head against his chest. He embraced you back, arms wrapped around you like he was never going to let go. He loved you with his whole heart and never again would he allow you to be hurt. He would die for you.

Upon seeing you and Bucky, Steve rushed over. “What’s wrong?”

With a quivering voice you answered, “Nothing. ‘M just relieved.”

“Whew okay. We’re going to get you out of there. I told Tony we had stuff to do today so he’s excusing you from work. Now is your boyfriend… ex-boyfriend… um the scumbag… home?”

You made an amused noise at the name. Scumbag. “He usually leaves right after he wakes up and goes to the bar or one of his girlfriends’ houses.” When you said that last part Steve’s eyes went wide.

“Girlfriends? As in multiple? What a dick.”

You and Bucky both turned to stare at the straight laced Captain. He waved you off and continued to talk. “When he leaves we’re going in and taking everything that’s yours and leaving, okay? You can stay with me or with Bucky until you can get your stuff figured out. I know it’s not ideal but it’s better than letting you stay there.”

“It’s alright honestly. Thank you guys for helping me. I don’t think I would have done it on my own.”

You waited until around lunch before going to raid your own apartment. You gathered all your belongings and put them in a cab before heading to Bucky’s new home. When you got there Steve left and went back to the tower, leaving you and Bucky to get situated.

You headed into Bucky’s sparse apartment and set your boxes on the floor. He helped you unpack your clothes and personal items, which was all you owned, before you both plopped onto his couch. It was like the calm after the storm. Everything was, hopefully, sorted out. When Chad gets home he’ll find your letter that says you’re leaving his sorry ass and to not even try to look for you. You’ve already blocked his number and all his social media accounts so there aren’t any ways for him to contact you.

You turned your head to look at your new roommate, “Bucky, was what you said earlier true?”

Now that you weren’t in the heat of the moment and you really wanted to know he felt shy. “I- Yes. Yes, it is doll. I meant it. I love you. I don’t want to rush you into anything though, it’s okay if you don’t feel the same or if it’s too soon.”

“Buck I love you too.”

He let out a breath, “Really?”

“Really. I just didn’t tell you because I was scared.”

He reached over and held your hand. “You don’t have to be scared anymore.”

Taglist: @bellamy1998​

[liam-93-productions]

Nearly five years ago, I saw One Direction live. Twice, on consecutive nights – on the first two dates of their On the Road Again world tour. Once was for work, to review the show. The other was for the sheer, heady, sugar-rush pleasure.

I was, I’ll admit, a little on the old side for a Directioner, even then. Most of the 45,000-odd crowd was much younger – not that that you would necessarily be able to tell from the saucy suggestions on their homemade signs. “I don’t want to draw attention to them,” Liam Payne had said fussilyon stage.

It was an on-brand comment for the then-21-year-old Payne, who, had the harried, slightly anxious energy of a father-of-four at Disneyland. And no wonder: it was clear, even to me, that Zayn Malik had checked out, barely bothering to conceal his rolling eyes. He would be gone within the month, marking the beginning of the end (or “indefinite hiatus”) for the biggest boy band in the world.

“It was a point where every day, you didn’t know whether it was going to be the end,” says Payne, sitting in the offices of his PR company in central London. “It was so touch and go, at every single show. I was slowly losing the plot.”

Now 26 and almost totally tattooed, Payne has a new album on which he raps about getting rowdy on Bacardi and being “free” from 1D. At the same time his very-nearly-naked form is plastered on buses and train stations in a provocative ad campaign for Hugo Boss.

Yet Payne is as polite and agreeable as if he were talking to his best friend’s mother. He is tired he says after an energetic early morning music video shoot. “There was a trampoline involved,” he says, sucking on his silver Juul. “It was hell – but it will look great.”

Gym beast and sex symbol are relatively new tags. His role as the diplomat of the group was established from the time they were first assembled from five solo applicants on The X Factor in 2010.

Payne auditioned when he was just 14, but was told by Simon Cowell to “come back in two years”. He did – and, eyes serious beneath his enormous fringe, blew the judges away with a brassy rendition of Cry Me a River.

Growing up in Wolverhampton, he had been a talented cross-country runner – making the reserve list for the British Olympics team. But a fan of Usher, Justin Timberlake and Chris Brown, he was drawn to singing as “the thing that made my parents proudest”. His backup plan, had he not got through on X Factor, was to follow his father into an aircraft fitting factory.

Once grouped in One Direction it took the five boys, then between 16 and 19, to pull together. “At the start we couldn’t get past our own egos,” says Payne. There would be fights over who got to sing what part, and even personal style. “Everybody had their own little thing – it was like having four older brothers.”

Payne went on to write songs for the group, contributing to two-thirds of their 2014 album Four (arguably their best) and even earning a production credit on 2015’s Made in the AM. But in the early days he would be the one to sing the opening part because, he was told at the time, he “used to settle everybody”.

Payne says he was a more experienced performer than the other boys, and a “bit more mature” – which he puts down to spending more time with his dad than his peers, and being so focused on a career in showbusiness. “I’d lived a different lifestyle from 14 to 16. Most kids try alcohol and experiment – I never did any of that because I thought there’s a chance that I might make it.”

Management took advantage of this, he says, telling him his “very specific role” in the group was to keep the rest in line. “I was like, that’s great, innit – because then everyone in the band thinks I’m a dick.” He remembers one of the band’s first hotel stays. “We’ve got plates being thrown out the window, mattresses being ridden down the stairs, and I’m getting calls from the manager saying: ‘You need to sort it out’.”

It wasn’t lost on the fans. Where Malik and Styles were the heartthrobs, Payne says he was classed as Mr Boring. “When you’re at the stadium, and if you get the least screams, it’s like: ‘For fuck’s sake.’”

After a year playing 1D-Dad he gave up and learned to have fun. “If you can’t beat them, join them” – at which point, he notes wryly, the band’s public image became more cheeky and carefree. “And the more fun we had, the more successful it got.”

He recalls performing to sold-out stadiums night after night, seeing “hundreds” of iPhones being thrown onstage in the vain hopes of their being returned with a selfie. “It’s like the kids just lost their minds.”

“There were parts of it that were a bit shit, like there is with anything,” he says, “and there were parts of it that was just euphoria.”

He recalls seeing 15,000 fans camped outside his hotel room in Lima, Peru. Security had advised them to stay inside all day, and because “they were the adults, we thought they were in charge. Then over time we started to figure out that they weren’t, and that’s when we used to run off.”

Yet the adrenaline peaks of performing, followed by long troughs of tedium, were akin to a drug addiction, says Payne. He turned to alcohol. “Doing a show to however many thousands of people, then being stuck by yourself in a country where you can’t go out anywhere – what else are you going to do? The minibar is always there. ”

For a time, he was also taking an epilepsy drug as a mood stabiliser that he says affected his cognitive functioning under certain lights. Payne says he had been well advised to take it, to counter the “erratic highs and lows” he was experiencing – “I just needed a little bit of help to keep me stable” – “but under certain lights on stage or during interviews, I wouldn’t be able to tell them my name”.

The day we meet, Payne has made headlines for telling Ant Middleton on the pair’s Sky One show that the loneliness of fame had “almost nearly killed” him. When Middleton asked Payne if he had ever wanted to act on those feelings, Payne said that he had: “100%”.

He is not inclined to discuss this today, “because it’s a bit dark,” he says, a touch brusquely – “but yeah, it was very touch and go at times”. This was both in 1D and afterwards, he clarifies. As One Direction got bigger and bigger, he says, “I was like: ‘I don’t really know how to deal with this’. Once you start, you can’t really press the stop button.”

The “indefinite hiatus” button, though, was easier – in mid-2015, four months after Malik’s departure, the band made the decision together. “It was a little bit dark and twisted towards the end of it,” says Payne, “but the last few shows were really beautiful moments because the pressure cooker had been let off.

“It was almost like counting down to holiday – we were going to wake up that Monday morning with no schedule.” Afterwards Payne was in therapy for two years, and took six months off. “It was difficult at the start, because I didn’t really know anything about myself. It was a bit of a numb feeling.”

(...)

That schedule is about to get busier, with Payne’s debut album as a solo artist finally out this Friday. Laden with chart-friendly trop house, trap and Latin pop influences, LP 1 plays like a water cannon aimed at commercial radio – there is even a Christmas song.

It has been a long lead-up: the first single, Strip That Down, was released nearly two years ago and established Payne as the 1D member most influenced by contemporary hip-hop – perhaps too much so. A picture he posted to Instagram of himself in February 2018 wearing a chain necklace, flipping the bird and bragging about travelling by private jet was quietly deleted following ridicule.

Amid the success of Strip That Down, which was streamed over 1bn times, Payne was also still “struggling” with alcohol: “I just hid it very well.” He went on to spend an entire year sober – a necessary if boring step. “My social life completely plummeted. I always feel like you never get past the awkward first 10 minutes at a party, when everyone’s like: ‘Do we get up and dance, or do we just sit here?’ I don’t know whether it made me happier, but it was definitely needed.”

His more recent stint of self-discipline was to prepare for his nude photo shoot with model Stella Maxwell for Hugo Boss. In the lead-up, he was in the gym between “five and eight times a week, sometimes twice a day” and eating mostly chicken and vegetables – with no carbohydrates after 2pm and nothing at all after 8pm. For the last “stripping” phase, he ate nothing but porridge and white fish for a month. “It was horrible – but it definitely works.”

The shoot had been his idea, inspired by campaigns featuring David Beckham and Mark Wahlberg – Payne’s role models, whose cross-disciplinary celebrity shapes his own career goals. Last year he auditioned in front of Steven Spielberg for a part in next year’s West Side Story remake, and has been submitting audition tapes irregularly since. “It’s just trying to manage the time in between (...), singer, model and whatever.”

Between the trap beats, tighty-whities and tattoos is he attempting to put across a new, more grown-up image? “Oh yeah, definitely.”

In One Direction, he was “Mr Vanilla – no one wanted to know a thing”. Then, with the “chain and rapper phase … I didn’t really know what I was aiming for, but it was actually exactly where we are right now. I just needed to find the right keys to make me feel like the man I wanted to be.”

Which is, he jokes, is “like a really English Magic Mike”. Do you like being objectified, I ask? “I think it’s quite funny,” says Payne, clearly delighted. The other day, he says, someone sent him a picture of an old lady walking past an enormous blown-up poster of him in his pants. Not bad for Mr Vanilla, I say. “Exactly.”

Liam Payne’s debut album LP1 is out on Friday 6 December

[gingerstorm101]

Confrontation Over Laundry

Summary: New to the city, Ziva fins herself in a predicament.

Words: 1550

Tiva

FF.net/A03

A big thank you to misspatchesmom for editing this story! Enjoy!

She bundles up in her sweater as the winter breeze comes through the front door of her building, questioning why she lives in America again if she has to deal with the dead of a Western winter. Her large laundry basket held tight in her grip as she heads towards the dreaded laundry room. The building's laundry room. Too public for her taste, but there weren't any apartments available in a build that had them in each suite; she was only a week too late or else she would have gotten the last single bedroom.

Ziva grumbles disheartened at the memory, if it wasn't for her father having her go on that family vacation against her will, she would have been in the country much sooner to submit the application.

Oh well.

Sorting through her delicates and outerwear, she fills the two farthest washing machines from the door. She heard that there are a couple of people in the building who have been switching out clothing to get a free wash. But that wasn't happening to her, she was taking precautions.

Afterfinally inserting the coins for the first round of washing, she sits down in the chair under the window and pulls out her latest novel. And with the rattle of the washing machine, she starts to read.

Not even five minutes passes before her phone starts to ring. Smiling at the screen, she places her book down beside her and answers the phone. "Shalom Tali." Getting on her feet, Ziva leaves the loud room and to the lobby.

With a smile, she hangs up the phone to her baby sister. The girl, now in her final year of high school, talked her ears off about her first week. And Ziva couldn't be happier. With their parents separated, and her older siblings no longer in the house, something to take her sister's mind off the loneliness. Tali had even mentioned her teachers are preparing her to get a scholarship for singing by the end of the school year. With her range, she doubts a university won't take her.

Strolling back into the laundry room, Ziva is too caught up in her musings to notice a wet pile of clothing sitting on the center table. All it took was a double take when she noticed that on the table was a very wet black tank top and a pair of cargo pants sitting on top of the pile of laundry. It can't be. She thinks, slowly reaching out for the pants. She takes them in her hands, the extra weight takes a milli-second to get used to, but once she holds them out, she knows it is hers.

Her eyes narrow, her head shooting over to the shaking machine in the corner. Dropping the pants, she marches to the washer and hastily opens the lid; the rattling stops instantly. Just as she suspects, she finds a different set of clothing in the machine, and when she pulls out a grey sweater, the letters OSU pop out at her in red.

She knew what she had to do.

She smirks as she posts the sign on the laundry room door.

'To:

The person who stopped the washer in the middle of my wash cycle and took my clothes out just to wash yours…

YEAH, YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE

Unfortunately for you, so am I. You can find your wet clothes frozen outside in the snow.

Any problems? Come see me in 301.'

So far no one has entered the laundry room as she dried her clothing. She suspects the person will stay out of sight until the room is clear. Which didn't bother her a bit. When her clothes were finally dried and folded, she takes her basket up to the third floor, preparing herself for the confrontation her father has prepared her for her entire life.

Only thirty minutes have passed since she put her laundry away and she hears the unforgettable sound of knocking on her door. Marking the place in her book, she stands to answer the door. She opens the door in one swift motion to find a handsome man before her, his striking green eyes meeting hers.

He opens his mouth to say something, but she cuts him off.

"Who do you think you are? You think you can just dance right in here and remove my laundry from the washer just so you can get a free load? What type of goose are you? I should report you to the landlord and have you removed from the building completely! Wait until I tell all the residents of the property. You won't be trusted again! Khatikhatt menuval khaser khutt shiderah, titenaheg kemo gavar!"

The man gives her a smirk, a twinkle in her eye before he purrs. "If I didn't know better, I'd like you just called me a name." Her eyes harden at him. "And I think you mean 'waltz right in here' and 'what type of loon' are you, Ms.?"

Ziva straightens her back, rolls her neck and gives the man a short laugh. "Ha! As if you think I'll fall for your charm."

"I think you might." He smirks again, looking her up and down. She doesn't say anything for several seconds before he wears her down. "The name is Ziva, Ziva David. And you?" She looks up at him with her large brown eyes.

"The name is DiNozzo, Tony DiNozzo. And how would you like to settle this the old fashioned way?" He brings his fingers to his lips, playing with them, watching her eyes as she watches him.

"You mean a sparring match?" DiNozzo chuckles, his eyes creasing as he smiles.

"No, no." He leans against the door. "How about a date? Let's say seven?"

Ziva's jaw drops. "You can't be serious?" She sees him peek behind her to where she has his laundry on her balcony.

"Oh I'm serious, madam." She rolls her eyes, thinking it over. It would be a good change, she's been in the country for almost a couple months now, and she hasn't run into anyone she's wanted to have a date with. This DiNozzo guy is cute enough for a first date, but she doubts with his attitude he'd even get a second date. But what's a free dinner and a drink? Besides, by the time they get back, she can return his clothes and they'll be frozen solid by then.

"Fine, you can pick me up at seven, no later."

"I'll be waiting." He winks and strolls away down the hall. Blinking, Ziva closes the door before leaning against it. What did she just agree to?

And he does.

Right at 7:00 she hears a knock at her door. Truthfully, she isn't expecting it, nor was she expecting to open the door to find Tony dressed up in a penguin suit, or have flowers in his hand.

None of the guys she has dated in her seven years of actively dating and having real boyfriends, has ever bought her flowers and dressed up for a date. But then again, she's rarely had a real date that she could relax. He must be up to something.

"Wow," he says, looking her over as she takes the flowers. "Ms. David, you look fetching." She blushes slightly, looking away from his gaze. Was that lust? She asks herself.

She pushes her thoughts aside, grabbing her purse and locks the door behind her. She wasn't going to let one of his goons come steal his clothing back.

He takes her to a fancy restaurant, only of the type that her mother had told her of when she and her father were still together. When he had spoiled her before things got rough for Mossad and the David family. He pays for everything, and only buys the table one bottle of wine. She agrees that she isn't going to get drunk, she isn't going to let this man take advantage of her.

It is nearly ten when he walks her back to her apartment, his hand resting on her lower back. He doesn't offer her a kiss, nor does she lean for one. But she can't keep her hands off of his arm.

"Thank you for dinner, Tony." She says, rolling his name over her tongue. "Maybe we can do it again some time."

He gives her a smirk, hunger in his eyes. "Let's."

Ziva opens the door to let herself in. She's about to close the door on him when he puts his foot in the door.

"I think you're forgetting something Ms. David."

"Hmm?"

"My clothes?"

Her eyes widen before she speaks. "Oh!" She opens the door wide. "I completely forgot! Just a second!" She runs to the balcony, opening the door to reach for the basket. The cold wind chills her as she grabs it. Finally in her hand, she closes the door behind her and marches to the front door where Tony is waiting. "I'm sorry it's frozen, but here you go."

"So you weren't lying." He mutters, taking in his solid sweater.

"Are you still up for the second date?" Ziva asks, worrying her lip between her teeth.

He looks up at her, and soft smile on his face. "Oh, most definitely."

[ftpthemovement]

LUNCH SPECIAL

Don’t allow yourself to be driven away into temptation. Scripture itself says “When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.” James‬ ‭1:13-15‬ ‭

So if we know that “No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.” 1 Corinthians 10:13

What are the ways we can escape going through the process of even being tempted?

#1: Let go and let God: Call out to God immediately what is happening and ask him to take care of it, having full faith and confidence that he’s already in the process of doing so. This allows you to not stress, but progress in the works that he’s called you to do. He’s not to busy to help out his kids, he’s waiting on you to have faith enough to trust his process, instead of stressing and robbing yourself of a blessing. Simply ask him to remove the distractions so you won’t have impure reactions. “Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. James 4:7

#2: Make the Lord your refuge: “You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day, nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday. A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you. You will only observe with your eyes and see the punishment of the wicked. If you say, “The Lord is my refuge,” and you make the Most High your dwelling, no harm will overtake you, no disaster will come near your tent. For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone. You will tread on the lion and the cobra; you will trample the great lion and the serpent. “Because he loves me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will call on me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him. With long life I will satisfy him and show him my salvation.”” Psalms‬ ‭91:5-16‬ ‭

#3. No vacancy: A lot of times we are willing to let God into our house, but we are to afraid to not fully sign over the deed. Some allow him to come stay in their lives, but not every room of it. Some might be so bold as to give God their master bedroom, just not the closet, or the basement where we want to keep our messes hidden. I’d like to challenge you today to allow the Lord in every part of your life by signing the deed of your life over to him, making the house his responsibility.

So when the enemy comes knocking on the door, no longer will you have to answer it, God will. When the accuser comes knocking ready to plow through your life, he will be met face to face with God the creator of the cosmos, your vindicator. Do you have even the slightest idea of what happens when the enemy comes to bully one of Gods children? Do you know what the Lord will do to the enemy, when he tries to trespass on his property?

As an example I’ll say, “Lord you see that I’m under attack and I thank you for stepping in and defeating the enemy right before my eyes. Thank you for the victory, you’ve prepared a feast before my enemies, anointed my head with oil, and my cup runs over with your abundant blessings and protection. My mind and conscious is clear, I give you all the glory! Thank you for removing this stress so I can continue to progress for you”

#4. The meditation of your mind: If someone hasn’t told you yet, you definitely need to know, you are not responsible for all the thoughts that pass through your brain. It’s when you choose to hold on to one of them by dwelling on them, that things can really get out of hand. Instead of holding onto a negative thought, say “I hold all thoughts captive to Christ who strengthens me. May the meditation of my mind be pleasing in your sight. Remove any barriers that would be a hindrance and bless me in all of my ways. I thank you that this is complete in my life in Jesus name.

#5. Believe and Receive: Some time a go I began to reword my prayers. When I did, I noticed a huge transformation in my life. I realized that God was so good that he was blessing my faith. When I increased my faith to pray big, bold prayer, is when a major shift happened in my life. Scripture says it Mark 11:24 “Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.”

This single verse of faith changed my entire life. I plan on going over this topic in extreme depth in the near future, but for now just let that verse be the meditation of your mind when making a request from the Lord. These words directly from the mouth of Christ, give us an inside look into how God operates in our lives, how to access him at that level, and what the result of our faith can truly be when we choose to ask God to move on our behalf.

I pray that today you will take the opportunity to operate in these 5 opportunities. Reading them is the same as looking at weights, if you don’t use them you will never grow and muscles. You can stare at them all day, and pray all day long that you’ll grow strong, but until you use your freewill to operate the weights by putting them into action, you’ll never begin to grow.

Same goes for scripture, you can read it and know it all day, but it counts for nothing until put into actions. Faith without works is like knowledge without application, it’s dead. So be encouraged today, choose one of these each day to practice, let the meditation of your mind become dependent on the Lord. Begin to walk in relation by conversation with him, reminding yourself that he’s present and willing at all times to be of service to his children.

Humble yourself to remember that’s exactly what you are and will forever be in his eyes. You are blessed, righteous, redeemed, children of God. You are loved, blessed with abundance, and fully walk in the light of his grace, mercy, and peace. Go today and be blessed by being a blessing to others. Let your irrational generosity be a symbol of hope to others, by refreshing them through your faith. Finish the day without arguing or complaining, without grumbling about situations. Scripture says that this will allow you to shine bright in a crooked and perverse generation.

Most of all go in full trust that God is working all things towards the good of those who love him. When the spirit of temptation comes, point him to Jesus. When the accuser starts pointing fingers your way, point him to the finished works of Jesus Christ. Go be the change you want to see, go be FTP my brothers! -ES

[reddielibrary]

The Better to See You With, My Dear

prompt: richie gets contacts and eddie is feeling ????? about it

written by: Alexis | quixoticquest

word count: 3960

*click title to read on AO3

Thirteen months, from kindergarten to first grade, marked the span of time Eddie Kaspbrak had known a Richie Tozier with perfect vision - and he didn’t remember a lick of it. Not the bare-faced expressions around the storytime mat, not the way dark brown eyes appeared without bugging behind enormous lenses. Not when Richie started squinting at the chalkboard in the October of first grade, not when he tripped and broke his nose on Halloween because he couldn’t see to begin with and certainly not out the tiny holes of his ghost sheet. Eddie remembered first grade when Richie got his glasses though, and even though he remembered in kindergarten too. Sometimes he found himself arguing with Bill or Stanley about the actuality of events, and even Richie’s own input wasn’t always enough to settle the stubborn hypochondriac.

Richie’s Glasses was just one of those things that had Always Been or felt like it had anyway. The chances of catching a glimpse of him with them off, out of the pool or at a sleepover, were so fleeting that Glasses just became the default. Growing up, the only thing Eddie could count on to never change was his friends, their quirks, familiar and comforting.

So you could imagine his concern when Richie announced his parents had finally caved and were taking him to get fitted for contact lenses.

Trashmouth Tozier had been begging to trade in his specs for years. The Losers Club had been on the receiving end of his whining for just as long, constantly groaning about how much of a drag it was to push them up his nose and clean them and keep them from getting broken (which he wasn’t very good at). But with his own hygiene regimen spotty at best, especially during the pubescent years, Mr. and Mrs. Tozier weren’t super keen to get Richie something that would require constant upkeep like that.

It wasn’t until Richie turned sixteen that all his whining paid off - and by then, Eddie thought he’d be stuck in glasses forever.

A Friday afternoon marked the end of what had Always Been. Richie left class early for his appointment at the eye doctor, rubbing his hand through Eddie’s hair on his way past his desk, pointing dramatically with both hands at the trademark frames across his face, before disappearing out the door with two thumbs up. It probably wasn’t the last Eddie would ever see of Richie with his glasses on, but it might as well have been.

That idiot refused to hang out with any of them the following weekend, drawing out the days and hours until Monday like some kind of sadist. The worst part was that he had homeroom with Beverly and Bill. Eddie wouldn’t even see Richie until fourth period.

“Mike said Ben said Bev said it was really weird,” Stan reported to Eddie during second period gym, and left it at that since there were balls to hit and bases to run.

The worst part was fourth period was Spanish, and Eddie had gone above his academic expectations for once and taken the Honors class, where they weren’t allowed to speak English, even to ask to use the bathroom. If he had known Richie was going to throw this curveball at him last year when he registered for classes, he would have stayed in Advanced and fucked Honors courses altogether.

There was no time to prepare - only to school himself when Richie came through the door, a couple of seconds before the bell, and descended into the seat beside Eddie as if nothing had happened. Really, technically, nothing had happened - but try telling that to the wound up dork gnawing the end of his pencil like a Twizzler.

Beverly was right, it was super weird. Richie’s glasses made his eyes huge, all big and shiny, and now they almost looked too small for his face. Eddie could see his eyebrows better, which made him even more expressive if that was even possible. It was easier to see his cheekbones too, though nothing could be done about all the miles of face hiding under his mophead until he bit the bullet and got a proper haircut.

“¿No me veo hermosa?” Richie asked, cheesing with all his teeth, bare eyes wide.

“Cállate,” Eddie griped, fixing his gaze on the chalkboard at the front of the room before he could be caught staring.

A couple days went by, and besides the occasional remark from their friends (and Richie’s constant boasting), nothing really changed. Or rather, a lot had changed, but Eddie seemed to be the only one who noticed. Was one day really all they were going to devote to this? Richie’s entire appearance had been reshaped with the exclusion of one single accessory! The entire fabric of who he was as a person had been altered forever.

Of course, Eddie couldn’t say that out loud because he knew it was ridiculous. Which might have been the worst part.

A week or so after the initial reveal, they had all gathered at Bill’s house to brainstorm for the college applications that would be due to submit as soon as the end of this summer. Eddie had been staring at the same blank page in his composition book for the last hour, scratching aimless doodles into the margin that probably wouldn’t have any bearing on the schools he was looking at (rather, the ones his guidance counselor was telling him to look at).

“Do you think I need to put varsity football and JV?” Mike asked, brows furrowed at his extensive list of extracurriculars. “Or is varsity big enough that JV is a given?”

“Here’s what I think: ditch them both,” Richie announced, pointing the end of his pen at Mike. “Better yet, dump the resume and essay altogether. Just submit a headshot and you’ll have all those schools begging for you to commit.”

Mike beamed. Beside him, Stanley leaned forward to tuck his chin onto his fist - fretting over a list even longer than Mike’s. Eddie was still trying to decide if the one day of mock trial he attended sophomore year counted as anything.

“Don’t tell me that’s what you’re doing,” Stan drawled at Richie - who sighed, his too-small eyes fluttering shut so he could tilt his head back.

“I could, but it wouldn’t be fair. It’s a shame, but this mug outshines all the volunteer work in the world. ‘Specially with all my handsome out on display for everyone to see now. Isn’t that right, Eds?”

Eddie clamped his tongue between his teeth and grunted, a paltry shadow of his usually feisty retorts. They were becoming harder and harder to dish out since they usually thrived on eye contact, which was becoming harder and harder to maintain with Richie looking like that.

They went on scribbling away, some more than others. At some point, while Bill was on the phone ordering pizza, Richie stood, hiking his legs overhead and limb alike to make it to the bathroom, backpack clutched in one hand - not that Eddie really took notice, since the seven of them had been getting up for various reasons all night.

He did notice, however, when Richie came back wearing his glasses.

“Well look who it is,” Beverly chuckled (because no one could ever let anything go unnoticed among the seven of them). “Haven’t seen you in a while.”

“Yeah yeah yeah, laugh all you want,” Richie retorted, arms rising over his head in some gesture of surrender, even as he smiled from under those familiar frames. “I can’t afflict you with my drop dead unfiltered gorgeousness all the time. It would be irresponsible.”

“But your obnoxious personality is totally fine, right?” Eddie snorted - unaware of just how easily it came out when that tortoise shell barrier was there.

Richie grinned his Richie grin. “Truth is, if you must know, my eyes were starting to hurt. Figured I’d switch so I didn’t have to turn in early. Now, let’s see if I remember how to work these things.”

If this was the return to form Eddie had been craving, maybe that meant he should savor it. There was no doubt he would see Richie in his glasses several times before the year was even out, though few and far between they may be.

This, he decided, glancing sidelong at the mophead trashmouth jackass beside him, was his opportunity to kiss goodbye that thing that had Always Been, and rev up for something new. Suck it up, take it like a champ. Like an adult, and not a baby who cried over object permanence.

But the next day at school, Eddie didn’t get a chance to put his rev-up to the test, because Richie came in with his specs on.

“I was running late,” he explained, launching into a long account of a hectic morning at lunchtime, that Eddie couldn’t even be bothered to pretend to care about.

Maybe he was late the next day too because once more he showed up bespectacled. No one really cared to ask, and he didn’t care to explain. But as the days crept on into weeks, into a month, the contacts seemed to have disappeared altogether.

Chief of all who didn’t care about this particular regression was Eddie - so much so that he didn’t even realize he didn’t care. He probably didn’t notice there was a difference at all. After all, what was so weird about Richie wearing glasses?

With finals coming up and Spanish kicking his ass, circumstances called for a study session. Eddie almost managed to intercept Richie at the front door and bustle him up to his room, but his mom’s Sonia Sense must have started tingling because she found them just in time to make it very clear that there would be no Toziers in her house after nine o’clock.

“I brought the new X-Men,” Richie proclaimed in a stage whisper when they reached Eddie’s room, wiggling a glossy issue in a plastic sleeve at Eddie.

“You’re here to study Spanish,” Eddie said at a completely normal volume. “Not Rogue’s boobs.”

Richie blew a raspberry. “She’s not even in this one, doofus. And last I checked, you’re pushing a B minus, and I’m on the star students poster.”

“Then stop speaking English and help me!”

Usually, study sessions devolved into aimless chaos pretty quickly, but they did a pretty good job of keeping on track this time, and Eddie did a pretty good job of keeping Richie and his constant asinine distractions at bay. It didn’t matter that the four-eyed idiot kept snickering at his color-coded flashcards either.

“I can’t remember the word for broom,” Eddie murmured at some point, pushing his top lip around with the eraser on his pencil.

“My mom said I better start wearing my contacts again or she’s not gonna pay for them,” Richie sighed.

Eddie looked up from his seat on the floor, arms folded around his flashcards on the edge of his bed. Richie, flopped across the mattress, flipped absently through his notebook full of chicken scratch. The bend of his head and the frames of his glasses concealed his expression ever so slightly.

“Huh?” Eddie asked dumbly.

Richie glanced over and pushed his specs up by the pad of his thumb. “La escoba,” he pronounced.

“You haven’t been wearing your contacts?” Eddie specified.

“Oh, I have,” Richie replied, nodding confidently. “I wear them with my glasses. That’s double the corrected vision. I can see into the fifth dimension.”

Eddie mimicked him in an unintelligible tone.

“Richie, why aren’t you wearing your contacts?” The question made him feel entirely too much like a parent. Hell, maybe that’s exactly what Mrs. Tozier had asked, hands on her hips and all.

Twisting his mouth every which way, Richie adjusted himself, pushing his notebook to the side, since he obviously wasn’t using it for anything practical. The yellow lamplight illuminating Eddie’s room sent the oblongs of white on the lenses of Richie’s Glasses around the frames as he moved.

Suddenly Eddie remembered the tangible possibility of Richie’s Glasses disappearing again. It wasn’t a very fun thought to remember.

“I dunno,” Richie finally confessed, setting his face in his hands, and his elbows on his knees. “It’s just - I mean I guess it’s just not how I thought they were gonna be.”

“Are they uncomfortable?” Eddie asked.

“Only for the first couple days.”

“Is it a lot to keep them clean?”

“No, you just hit ‘em with the contact solution. If I can’t aim and squirt then what kind of man would I be, Eds?”

Eddie huffed and rolled his eyes. He should have known better than to indulge I dunno and all the potentials for humor that might follow.

Situating himself squarely in front of his notes, though, it only took a couple seconds for Richie to roll himself back into Eddie’s line of sight - effectively demanding his attention again.

“I guess I just,” Richie mumbled, poking around one of the flashcards - armario-closet, to be precise. “I dunno. Thought I’d look better without glasses.”

Kneeling on the floor, with Richie laid out in front of him, put them basically at eye level. From here, though, Richie had to lift his gaze ever so slightly. Eddie watched his brows arch from behind his specs, dark eyes blinking. An unfiltered view - sort of.

“Look better?” Eddie repeated.

“Well, when you get called four-eyes your whole life…” Richie huffed, and rolled back again, always restless. “I just thought it’d be different y’know? I’ve got such a lousy prescription and I thought I’d finally look like less of a dumbass nerd with contacts but...maybe I’m overthinking it but it just doesn’t seem like you guys like me when I don’t wear my glasses.”

Eddie’s face screwed up. “What?”

Richie shrugged. “Maybe I talked it up too much but I was kind of hoping you’d make a bigger deal. No one really said anything or talked about it so I was like, oh shit, maybe I am hideous. Or maybe the glasses are just the perfect accessory to my comedy and I’ve ruined the whole schtick by dropping them. Or, you know, I’m hideous. Either or.”

“It’s not a big deal because you’re just you, Richie,” Eddie stated (completely unaware of what a hypocrite he was being). “So what if we didn’t say anything? We can’t go on and on about your face for the rest of our stupid lives.”

“Yeah, but…” Now, Richie sighed again, perhaps becoming too self-aware of how serious he had made the moment. “Eddie, it kind of felt like you couldn’t even talk or look at me when I wasn’t wearing my glasses.”

This was the part where Eddie felt like the biggest ass in the whole world. He might as well have turned into a donkey, like in Looney Tunes.

“Which could totally be just me,” Richie went on, smacking himself upside the head. “But that’s just what it felt like. So maybe it’s just me. I’m perfectly happy to be the idiot on this one. I’m usually very good at it.”

There was no way he could focus on Spanish now. Eddie collected all his flashcards and placed them in a neat little stack on the floor, so he could push himself up to sit on his own bed.

It was a crisis about fucking glasses. It didn’t need to get that deep. And yet, somehow, he felt like he owed Trashmouth Tozier somewhat of an apology - if you could fucking believe it.

“It’s not just the contacts,” Eddie confessed, tipping his head down.

“Aha, I was right,” Richie declared in a lackluster tone.

“It’s everything,” Eddie blurted right on his heels, sagging with a deep breath. “Everything is changing, Rich. And everything that changes just reminds me that all the stuff that’s Always Been is gonna be over next year when we graduate. Braces are coming off and bikes are getting sold and we’re all starting college applications that we’re not even going to submit for six months!”

He dropped his hands in his lap, slapping against his thighs, a crisp punctuation to his rant. Out of breath, Eddie puffed through his nose. Of course, now the room had to be dead silent, clawing and prodding at him with the reminder that this was way too honest for a study session.

Richie stared at him though, peculiarly thoughtful. At the very least, he wasn’t looking so much like a kicked, bespectacled puppy anymore.

“Well,” he finally said, steepling his hands between them, “this may come as a surprise to you, Eds, but I’ve always had eyes.”

“Oh shut up,” Eddie snapped (almost relieved for the lighthearted response). “You’ve always had glasses. And now you won’t, because you’re finally old enough to have contacts, and soon you’ll be old enough to move out and get out of dodge like we’re all gonna do.”

“Yeah, but isn’t that what we want?” Richie asked.

“I guess. It just feels like I liked thinking about it better as something far away then something we’re all flying toward at top speed.”

Childhood sucked. Any of the seven of them could tell you that. So why did the thought of it truly ending ache so much? Were the losers worth more than leaving Derry? Apparently fucking not, since they were all perfectly content to make their attempts to escape.

Just as Eddie was feeling sorry for himself, staring at the patterns in his quilt, Richie did something quite uncharacteristic. Just out of his line of sight, the trashmouth put his hand over the top of Eddie’s, curling them together in some gesture of support.

It was pretty awkward, but comforting in a weird, forced kind of way.

“I’m still me,” Richie said, offering his solid gaze when Eddie looked up. “Fuck you know I’m an idiot with the glasses on and off. That’s never gonna change. Hell, you can even call me four eyes of you want. The other two could be - hm - my nipples maybe? I’ve got that one eyed snake in my pants but that only makes three.”

“Richie-”

“The point is, Edward,” he continued, somehow lofty and sincere at the same time, “not everything is changing. Maybe we don’t get to sitcom it up at some university all seven of us. But we still have each other, as mushy gushy as that sounds. I’ll always be a phone call away. You called me to make me cart my ass over here. And I know the others feel the same way.”

What do you know? For all the stupid crap that came out of his mouth, Richie said something intelligent (and comforting) for once.

Before the telltale sting in his eyes could gain any traction, Eddie sighed his cares away or at least tried to. A motivational speech couldn’t fix everything. But just Richie saying it, Richie of all people, was enough to set him at ease. At least for now. And to think it hadn’t even been about Eddie in the first place.

“I know,” he answered, finally, soundly. If that wasn’t the only thing he was sure of, then he wasn’t sure of anything.

“I’m sorry I made you think I think you’re ugly,” Eddie added, deciding he wasn’t a huge fan of how he phrased that. “You’re not, I promise.”

Richie blinked at him expectantly. His hand still sat clammy and warm on top of Eddie’s.

“Well, if I’m not ugly, then what am I, Eds?”

“Oh, don’t you start,” Eddie ground out, pulling himself away.

“No no, this is important to me.” Richie sniffled dramatically, wiping away nonexistent tears from under his glasses, advancing incrementally. “You really hurt me, y’know? I’m broken-hearted. I might never heal.”

“Sure you won’t.”

“Come on, Eds!” At this point, Richie was practically bent over Eddie, and if he didn’t want to slide off the bed, he had to prop himself up on his hands, with nowhere else to go. “If I’m not an uggo then I must be something else won’t you please tell me what it is? Boost a poor boy’s self-esteem.”

“As if you need a self-esteem boost!”

“Pretty please, Eds? I’m dying here. The anticipation is killing me.”

“You’re okay looking I guess!” Maybe it was important that Eddie say it or maybe it wasn’t but he figured it was the least he could do (even if it warmed his face in the process). “You got a strong jaw and nice lips and sometimes I hear girls talking about your cheekbones and I guess I sort of agree with them!”

Maybe, Eddie realized retrospectively, he had revealed too much. Mostly because, Richie was staring at him from behind those big lenses - just a little too tenderly to be joking.

“Whoa,” he muttered. “That’s like, the nicest thing anyone has ever said about me. Besides my mom.”

Eddie blinked, feeling the heat spread further into his face. “Well I didn’t mean-”

Somehow managing not to send Eddie careening off the bed, Richie pressed forward enough to catch his lips in an entirely unexpected kiss. What Eddie lacked in mobility at the moment, he made up for in reaction time and found it in him to tip his chin up into Richie’s mouth without suffering all the shock and surprise that might have him freezing unhelpfully.

Richie got his arms around him and figured out how to pull him back onto the bed, which enabled Eddie to get a grip of his own, clinging to Richie’s shirt for all he was worth while their lips shifted and bumped together. Such a natural progression, it was a wonder it hadn’t occurred until just this moment.

Before they could get too carried away (which Eddie wasn’t super opposed to), Richie broke, huffing for air, as if he had been submerged in water. Rather than dwell on what kind of idiot couldn’t pace his own breathing (because he wasn’t one to talk about respiratory issues), Eddie stared up at Richie’s face, from the cradle of his arms, Klimt style.

To think Mrs. Kaspbrak was just downstairs tuning in to Dateline.

Without thinking very much about it, Eddie got one hand free to reach up to Richie’s face and pulled his glasses off carefully. That bare gaze followed his hand all the way to the side, as he folded up the arms and put them somewhere where they wouldn’t get in the way.

Richie’s eyes weren’t too small. They were probably perfectly normal sized, almost droopy in a way that was too endearing for his own good. And of course, there were those pink lips, and those cheekbones (which Eddie may or may not have come up with all on his own, no girls required).

“Well that’s just counterproductive,” Richie stated, quirking a smile in Eddie’s direction.

“How come?”

“What’s the point of no glasses if I can’t see you? Need those corrective lenses to ogle that booty, baby.”

Before Eddie could snap at him, he was kissed again, sweet and sound, and he couldn’t argue with that.

Maybe it was okay if some things that had Always Been changed. Eddie, for one, was certainly glad that he didn’t have a laundry list of medication to take any more. Things like Bill getting over his stutter and Stanley getting less anxious were good. Kissing Richie regularly was certainly a welcome change. And Eddie could learn to love a Richie with contacts, even if it was different from what had Always Been.

Just so long as Richie blinked his lenses in on the first try because watching the little disk flop out between his eyelashes was the fastest way to make Eddie gag.

[gyllingbrowning0-blog]

Uncommon Article Gives You the Facts on Fallout 76 That Only a Few People Know Exist

Most Noticeable Fallout 76 Tackling Fallout 76 solo differs. It was never particularly stable to start with, but with Fallout 76, it is very unstable. Fallout 4 had a very good awareness of loot progression. Ultimately, many players that are engaging with Fallout 76 wish to reside in a wasteland at the place where they can participate in PvP, but it's an underdeveloped system. Since you may see, the game isn't really well-defined. This game is currently on my Radar, although I feel I will give the distinctive edition a miss. You need to have made multiplayer a choice for folks who want the single player experience and you ought to have added the prospect of co-op or at least basic multiplayer rather than figuring it out at a subsequent moment. You and friends and family can construct a survival settlement with each other, help different players, or even get into some kind of conflict with different players you encounter. Nukes are essentially a brilliant spin on the thought of end-game dungeons or raids. You're able to play alone or with a little group of friends, but there is going to be a lot of folks playing in the identical world as you. In games like DayZ, you truly feel nervous once you find a new player since there's the possibility they may assist you, or else they might just try and murder you for your supplies. It is not the worst game on earth or anything, but nonetheless, it very much just exists. Life, Death, and Fallout 76 There are not many solo-player Charisma cards, since the majority are created for team play. They have the ability to build wherever and whenever assuming they have the resources to do so. Killing the marked player will end in higher-than-normal rewards. The Advantages of Fallout 76 The Fallout 76 site was updated with a new developer post that provides players a little information about a massive patch which is going to be deployed on January 14th. Bethesda is arranging a number of new content also. They will get to play the game via a beta which has been revealed to begin in October, just one month prior to launch. What You Don't Know About Fallout 76 Firstly, the only means to get access to the beta is to pre-order the game. Unlocking items to build is also quite slow. Nuclear codes don't work unless you've got the complete key, which means you will have to collect multiple. Assuming that it's going to run for a couple weeks, and Bethesda will subsequently need at the very least a couple of months before the November release, it appears likely that it may begin quite soon. Because in the event the dev team at Bethesda want to have a thing which everyone loves and do something different with it, I need to encourage that. Fallout 76 brings the nuclear wasteland on the internet, and in case you have friends to play with, it is sometimes an excellent time. Dads must locate a positive approach as a way to be viewed in family court as a peaceful individual. There's still enjoyable to be had poking around its desolate Earth, and it's certainly simpler to do with a couple friends in tow. On the contrary, it focuses on domestic life in the vault. Maybe you are confusing me with another person. Quests ought to be interesting, character driven affairs that provide the world meaning, and provide your avatar an objective. Textures take that important couple of additional seconds to load even if you're up close, in third person your character appears like it was constructed from an upmarket mannequin, and your enemies have the exact same type of rigidity. There are different phases of grief you'll experience on the way. Sometimes all 3 things are there. There's somewhat of a bigger narrative on the job but like previousFalloutgames, sometimes you might want to accept some side quests instead. If something terrible happens, you've got to live with this. This quest will go over all this, for each and every quest in all the regions found within this nuclear Appalachia. The monster looks dormant at the present time, but one of its tentacles twitches as you go into the room, like it notices your presence. Get the Scoop on Fallout 76 Before You're Too Late The character creator is likewise very detailed, permitting you to produce and change your character in a huge number of details. While it can be stunning to examine, the graphics feel off. Players might have to devote a varying amount of points on cards, dependent on initial price. The outside is in good shape. There's no need to submit an application for the totally free games, either. If you're likely to pre-order Fallout 76, you will want to contemplate this amazing collector's edition. The shooting in the game feels a bit clumsier than Fallout 4, but it's further limited as you are supposed to shell out as much time with a couple boring weapons. A couple of bobby pins should not weigh a complete pound. Each time you level up you get to choose a single card to put money into. The Importance of Fallout 76 It might not look like it is for everyone but if Bethesda is devoted to improving the experience then I'm on board to observe where it's going. Fallout 76 shows some refinement to older systems which make playing alongside friends a really great time like trading for greater gear and shelters. however, it's at the price of a balanced single-player experience. According to Eurogamer, the presence of the room was circulating on Reddit for a couple days now, but had been known by some individuals for numerous weeks. Fallout 76 for Dummies The world is full of unique items which you can come across and scrap, permitting you to develop new armor and weapons on the way. Early on I managed to drop a house base virtually anywhere so long as the build area did not infringe on any present solid structures. Rounding out the latest update is a couple of balance tweaks, and a very long collection of bug fixes.

[kpopfanfictrash]

Binary Star (IV)

Author: kpopfanfictrash

Pairing: You / Jaebum / Mark

Rating: PG

Word Count: 3,749

Summary: “In some cases, these close binary systems can exchange mass, which may bring their evolution to stages that single stars cannot attain.”

You and Jaebum have been dating forever when Mark Tuan shows up in your classroom. You’ve always been against change - a bit debilitating, being a writer - but for some reason this new kid has you thinking there might be an upside to chaos.

Before you know it, you’re at the back. At the back during your song. The one Jaebum wrote for you and you’re struggling not to feel upset about that fact. Struggling to hang onto the bubble of excitement you felt when the music started. It’s hard though, when Jaebum is still singing to the crowd as though nothing happened. Is still singing to the idea of you, not to you.

This song is a hit. A smash, actually. All around you the club is out of control. This is the song that could get them famous. But do you want that?

Even having to ask yourself that hurts.

It’s been three weeks since Jaebum’s concert. Three weeks since the blur of meetings and discussions about whether or not Jaebum and his band have ‘potential.’ The whole thing ended with James saying he would call as soon as he heard.

Apparently James now submits a review to his higher-ups. Who submit a review to their higher-ups. Somewhere above that lies the final say in whether or not On the Shore gets signed. When Jaebum asked how long this process takes, James couldn’t say.

“Hard to tell,” he said, packing up his briefcase. “Sometimes a week – sometimes months. Once time I had a band on the ropes for a whole year before someone at corporate finally decided to let them in.”

On the ropes. That’s what agents call their waiting bands. They have signed bands, potential bands and bands who are on the ropes. Jaebum’s band is currently one of these. As more and more days tick by, you know Jaebum is internally freaking out. Every word he says is on edge and you find yourself tiptoeing more than usual. Not that this bothers you – much.

It’s just that with Jaebum so wrapped up in his own problems – there’s no one to talk to about yours.

Mark slides into the seat next to you, glancing sideways as the bell rings. “Hey.” He nods. “What’s up?”

“What’s up?” you ask, trying not to smile. “Not much, homie.”

“Oh, god.” Mark winces. “Never say that again.”

“It’s my new thing!” you protest, tapping your pencil on your desk. This is an inside joke with you two now – you doing mundane things and calling them special to get a rise from Mark.

Mark rolls his eyes. “You know you’re completely misusing my concept.”

“Poor Mark,” you sigh. “Lost in a sea of angst. Continually made fun of by the evil Y/N.”

Mark starts to laugh as Mr. David enters the room. “Settle down, settle down,” the teacher says, turning towards the board.

Raising your eyebrows, you grin at Mark. “He means you, giggle nuts. No one else is speaking.”

“Giggle nuts.” Mark starts to laugh even harder.

Mr. David turns with a frown, effectively sobering you both. Mark straightens in his seat, ducking his head into his notebook. He’s still smiling though, as are you reading through the lines of chalk on the whiteboard. It looks like today’s lesson is on solar systems. The suns of solar systems, to be exact.

When the bell rings at exactly 9:00 am, Mr. Davis clears his throat. “Good morning class,” he drones, not waiting for an answer. “Today’s lesson is about the sun. Last class we breached the topic of galaxies – groups of celestial bodies associated with natural law and bound by gravity. This class we’ll delve deeper.”

Flipping to a new page in your notebook, you smooth out the corners. Your previous page is filled with drawings of star clusters. General rules and theory on galaxy formation as well as its degeneration. Concentrating on Mr. Davis’ words, you sketch today’s date at the top of the page.

“Most planetary systems are single star systems,” he lectures. “Meaning there is only one sun. All non-stellar objects rotate around this, drawn in by the gravitational pull. This is not the case in all systems.” Continuing on, Mr. David finds a blank space on the board. “There also exist multiple and binary star systems.”

Raising his hand, Mark waits until Mr. Davis notices. “What’s a binary star system?”

“Good question.” Nodding, Mr. Davis scribbles Mark’s comment down on the board. “A binary star system is one whose systems contains two suns orbiting a common center of mass. These systems balance each other in careful harmony, continuously influencing as they rotate.”

Your hand pauses halfway through your drawing. On the left-hand side of your page lies the singular star system. One sun with its planets drawn orbiting, accepting a singular star’s light. On the other side is a binary system. Two stars circling one another, coexisting together. Both stars are strong, powerful – equal in their light.

You can���t help but think the singular system is Jaebum. Bright, gravitational, drawing everyone into his orbit. In that system, you’re a planet. Maybe the closest planet, but circling him regardless. Allowing him to pull you onward, always thinking you’re surviving while secretly knowing you’re following.

The thought makes you dizzy and you exhale through your nose to steady yourself. Do you really see your relationship with Jaebum that way? No, of course you don’t. He might be a strong presence, sure – but so are you. You’re intelligent, confident and creative. What does it matter if he’s currently successful and you are not? Jaebum is the exception in that regard.

So is the star, though. You fall quiet for the rest of the class, barely even glancing from your notebooks. When the bell rings for second period, you gather your books tightly to your chest.

“Y/N?”

Mark is staring at you. Has been for several minutes, actually. “Sorry, what?” you blink, shaking your head.

Mark frowns. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah,” you say, playing absentmindedly with your pencil case. “Everything is fine.”

Stepping before you, Mark effectively stops your walk. “Liar,” he says, eyes glinting with humor. “Tell me what’s going on.”

“Have you filled out all your college applications?” you ask, avoiding eye contact.

Mark’s forehead wrinkles. “Some. Why?”

“What major did you list?”

“Biology.”

This surprises you. “Really?”

Mark nods, a small smile on his lips. “Yeah. After everything that happened to me, I want to do something in medicine. I’m not sure if I want to do research or pre-med yet, though.”

Rather than make you feel better, this only serves to increase your nausea. “Right. Good,” you say, a laugh escaping. “Everyone seems to know exactly what they’re doing except for me.”

Mark gives you a curious look. “That’s not true. You want to be a writer.”

“Ah, yes. How practical,” you laugh. You feel breathless, unable to regain control over yourself. “I need to find a real job.”

“A real job?” Mark folds his arms over his chest. “Writing is a real career.”

Staring past, you start to walk again. “I know,” you sigh, voice hesitant. “I know that if you’re successful writing can be a career. But if you’re not…” Trailing into silence, you allow your lack of words to speak for you.

Mark’s pace is even, footsteps lost in the deafening shouts in the corridor.

“Look,” you say, turning to face him. “I’m not being self-deprecating or searching for compliments. I’m just saying a lot of people are talented. There are a lot of good writers and there’s only a small chance I’ll succeed, even with talent.”

Rather than object, Mark falls silent. “That’s true,” he admits.

“So you agree?” you ask, raising your eyebrows.

“Yes,” Mark nods. “But I don’t think that’s a good enough reason not to try.”

His words give you pause and somewhere inside, a voice you’ve been shoving aside lately grows slightly louder. “No?”

“No.” Mark looks thoughtful. “Put it this way. If you try, you have two options: either you fail or you succeed. If you don’t try, there’s only one: you fail.”

Considering this, your heart beats strangely. A new kind of courage enters you and for the first time in a long time, you find yourself wanting to try. Wanting to fight, wanting to fly - or wanting to fall trying.

Mark grins at your expression. “There it is.”

“Fine,” you exhale, turning towards your classroom. “I’m doing it. I’ll apply to college as an English major.”

Mark lets out a whooping noise. “Thank god! I was scared I’d have to do a covert ops mission. Sneak into your house, switch out your application – something like that.”

Shaking your head, you shove him away as you enter your classroom. Sliding into your seat as your front pocket vibrates. The teacher is still busy setting up for lecture, so you chance a glance at your screen. 

Hey, babe <3 excited for tonight?

Tonight. Tonight; your and Jaebum’s four year anniversary. He’s had something special planned for months now – dropping hints while unable to hide his grin. You quickly type back.

Tell me what we’re doinggggg

The bell rings then, so you shove your phone into your pocket. Jaebum won’t answer before lunch anyways, which is the next time you’ll see him. The rest of the morning flies by like this, filled with people and notes. At lunchtime Jaebum still refuses to tell you where you’re going. He grins each time you ask, folding his arms over his chest. Today he’s pushed his hair back, which he only does when you’re going somewhere nice. 

“How nice is nice, though?” you whine, poking him. “Should I wear a floor-length dress? Would a high schooler even be allowed into a place fancy enough to wear a floor-length dress?”

Jaebum just grins. “It’s not that fancy. Just wear something you like.”

“I like sweatpants. Is that good?”

Jaebum shrugs. “If you’re happy, I’m happy.”

He’s being stupid but he says it with such sincerity that you groan and lean into him. Allow his arm to wrap around your waist and pull you close. “Fine,” you mutter, kissing his cheek. “I’ll dress nicely.”

Hours later, you’re regretting this edict. 

Your mouth is pursed, hands on your hips while you stare into the mirror. Pushing your hair back with both hands to see what it would look like off your neck. You let it drop - down, definitely down. Grabbing your purse from your table, you hurry downstairs.

Jaebum said he would be here at 7:00 pm and its 6:58 pm now. He won’t be there a second before 7:00 though, he’s just like that. So now you sink into your kitchen chair, watching your mom work on her laptop.

“Happy anniversary.” She glances up from her work. “What has it been now, four years?”

Nodding, you find yourself happy she remembered. “Four years exactly.”

Your mom sighs, pushing her glasses up the bridge of her nose. “Growing up so fast,” she says, folding her arms across her chest. “Your dad would’ve loved to see this.”

“Would he have?” You laugh quietly. “I seem to remember him threatening Jaebum every time he came over.”

“Yeah,” Robbie nods, entering. “It’s why I’ve taken up the mantle. Fight Jaebum always.”

Your mom laughs at this, leaning back in her chair. “Your father loved Jaebum,” she counters. “Or rather – he loved how much he loved you. It was always terrifying how much you loved Jaebum.”

This is the first your mom has ever spoken of this and you find yourself wanting to hear more. “What?” you ask. “Why?” From the corner of your eye, you see headlights swing into your driveway.

“Well.” Your mom shrugs. “Losing the people you love hurts, even if it’s losing them by choice.”

You blink at her words. Even if it’s by choice.

It’s been two years since your dad passed away. It’s just now getting to the part where it doesn’t hurt as much to talk about him. But saying that it doesn’t hurt as much is like saying you’re only hit by one lightning bolt, not five. One may hurt less than five, but even one is enough to kill you.

You usually think of your dad in terms of your own emotions. Never really in the light of your mother. She lost her husband though – her partner, life, love. Lost the man she thought she’d be spending the rest of her years with, not just his. This makes you think of Jaebum and when you do, your heart clenches. Losing someone you love hurts.

Leaning over, you give your mom a quick kiss on the cheek. “Love you,” you say, drawing back. “Thank you.”

She doesn’t ask what your gratitude is for. Your mom knows there are things your family do that go without saying. That’s one thing about loss – it either tears you apart or makes you stronger. The three of you are stronger now than you were before. Even Robbie has had to grow overnight.

Like now. He stands before you, arms folded in the doorway. Frowning as you walk past. “Be home by eleven,” he scolds.

From behind him, your mom laughs. “Midnight,” she corrects.

You wave at both when you leave, blowing Robbie a big, exaggerated kiss. Jaebum sits in his car, immersed in some game on his phone when you slide into the passenger seat. “Hi,” you greet him, leaning over.

Jaebum kisses you, lingering for just a second before pulling away. “Happy anniversary,” he grins, putting the car in reverse. “Let’s go.”

“Let’s go … to the park?” you ask, settling back in his seat. “To the circus? To an airplane show?”

“No, yes and no.”

“We’re going to the circus?”

Jaebum looks over. “You’re so crazy already, why not give in completely?”

He’s in a good mood tonight and you find yourself giggling, sliding lower in your seat as you turn to face him. Jaebum’s hand finds yours on the console, pulling your fingers into his lap. He lowers the windows, allowing the early breeze to caress your cheeks. Curling into your own seat, you watch him. Watch the sun play across his face.

“What?” Jaebum asks, glancing sideways.

“Nothing,” you smile. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

The drive is quiet after that, silent except for the music on the car’s speakers. Jaebum turns the volume up, sliding his fingers over yours and humming in time to the music. Before long he pulls into a parking lot, coming to a stop beside a restaurant.

A restaurant you recognize. “Really?” you ask, starting to laugh.

Jaebum nods, eyes sparkling. “This time we’re eating inside.”

You laugh unbuckling your seat belt. This restaurant is known for its food and amazing views and on your fifth date, Jaebum tried to take you here. After just one glance at the menu though, you realized there was no way in hell you could afford this. The two of you ended up out on the cliffs, just sitting and talking.

That day was also the first time Jaebum kissed you.

Now though, Jaebum takes your hand in his, pulling you forward. You’re glad you decided to wear a dress when you enter the lobby, realizing this place is even fancier than you remembered. Jaebum blends right in, completely at home in a button-down and slacks, blazer thrown over top.

“Im,” Jaebum says, walking up to the hostess. “Reservation for two.”

The hostess nods thumbing through her booklet. “Here – Im.” Grabbing two menus, she smiles back at you. “Follow me.”

Raising both eyebrows, Jaebum gestures for you first. At the table, Jaebum pulls out your chair, holding it while you sit. Sitting across the table, he watches the waiter fill your glasses with water. When the waiter leaves you peruse the menu, flipping open to the first page. Smiling gently when you travel back to that fifth date.

“You’re smiling.” Jaebum sounds suspicious. “Why are you smiling?” 

You set your menu down. “I was thinking about the first time we visited.”

Lowering his head, Jaebum hangs a few centimeters from the table. “Will you never let me live that down?” he groans.

Starting to laugh, you reach over. Lifting his chin with your finger. “I was thinking about the end of the day,” you correct.

Jaebum’s frown lifts in a smile. “Oh.”

After leaving the restaurant that day, the two of you hiked over the tops of the cliffs. You talked about a lot that night – both about everything and nothing at all. Whatever thoughts popped into your mind. That was the thing you liked most about Jaebum. It was so easy to be with him, like you could say anything and he wouldn’t judge you for it.

Jaebum was a great listener. He took everything you said with a grain of salt, listening with a small tilt to his head. You noticed that that day on the cliffs. It was the first time you ever felt close to Jaebum - the two of you sitting close enough to feel but not touch.

You kept glancing at one another. Looking sideways until one of your eyes met the other’s. His gaze was enticing, entrapping in a way you couldn’t get out of. It’s often said that the last hour before sunset is called the golden hour. Called so because the light at this time of day is so soft, muted with diffused rays of the sun. People are most flattering during the golden hour.

The way Jaebum stared at you was as though he saw you clearly for the first time. As rays of sun slipped from his cheeks, they illuminating hair half-ruffled by the wind. When Jaebum leaned in, you hardly knew what he was doing.

When his lips met yours, you understood.

It was your first kiss. The first time you’d even considered kissing someone. As Jaebum kissed you, his lips pressed firmly to yours, you wondered if Jaebum might also be the last.

Now he sits across the table from you, smiling in the same way he did that night. You find yourself ashamed for the emotions which have churned your stomach since his band’s last performance. Ashamed of the fear you felt. The fear of him pulling away. Of him embarking on a new part of life which you can’t follow. 

Or won’t. Because now you’re realizing that although you’ve applied to college, Jaebum hasn’t. He keeps holding this in his back pocket, patiently waiting for the call from James Marolin. His future is at fork in the road, while yours is at an arrow.

It’s just as you’re thinking this Jaebum’s phone rings. Wincing, he shoves his hand deep in his pocket. “Sorry,” he sighs. “I thought I turned it off – let me just check if it’s my mom, she –"

He stops talking. At the look on his face, you feel yourself sinking. Stomach churning, thoughts scrambling because you know exactly who is calling him.

“Hello?” Jaebum answers, switching his phone to his other ear. “Mr. Marolin?”

You can’t hear the other side of his conversation. Can’t hear what the other man is saying but you watch Jaebum’s eyes widen. Watch his mouth drops and no words come. Instead he just nods, suddenly recalling that he’s on the phone and can’t be seen. “Yes,” he blurts, continuing to nod. “Yes. This is amazing news – thank you so, so much! We won’t let you down.”

Jaebum hangs up. He doesn’t speak at first, just staring at the phone in his hand. Reaching across the table, you touch his arm. “Jaebum?”

His gaze snaps to yours and suddenly – brilliantly – he smiles. “Y/N,” he gasps. “Y/N, They want us to sign. They want us to sign and record an album. An album,” he laughs, full of disbelief.

“That’s amazing,” you say, struggling to smile. “Congratulations!”

It is amazing. It’s amazing and wonderful and perfect. Jaebum’s eyes find yours when he jumps up, fumbling across the table to grab your face. His lips press quickly to yours and you start to laugh. “Wow,” you say, grinning when he sits back down. “I guess now there’s two things to celebrate tonight, huh?”

“Oh.” Jaebum freezes. Glances at his phone. “I just – ah, shit.”

The knot in your stomach tightens. “What? What is it?”

Jaebum looks away, unable to meet your gaze. “I was just thinking… It would be nice to tell the guys in person.”

It’s a reasonable request. You know this, know you’re stupid for wishing it otherwise. Of course Jaebum would want to tell them himself. Of course he would want to see their faces at the news. Of course, of course, of course. 

Your gaze drops to your lap.

“Y/N?” Jaebum asks.

Exhaling softly, you look up. “You should go.”

Jaebum doesn’t move. “Are you sure?” he asks, watching you carefully. “This is our night, Y/N. It’s our night and if you want me to stay, the news can wait until tomorrow morning.”

If you want me to stay. These words echo in your mind, making you feel guilty for wanting this. You do want Jaebum to stay. You want Jaebum to be yours, want him beside you because right now every step he takes seems further and further away from you.

Lifting your gaze, you force a smile. “Of course,” you say, though your voice sounds robotic, unsure. “You should go. Our night is any night – tonight is about the band.”

Jaebum smiles. “Thank you,” he says, jumping up. Kissing you briefly before helping you upwards. “Let’s go,” he grins, lacing your fingers with his.

You’re practically pulled from the restaurant, Jaebum stops quickly at the hostess to mumble an apology. Then you’re outside, in his car. Speeding down the highway, barely able to hold yourself together. You think you respond to everything – you must, because Jaebum doesn’t seem to realize something is wrong.

Once you’re dropped off in front of your house, you wrap your arms around your waist. You don’t want to go inside, not yet. You’re afraid that if you see your mom and hear her questions, you might cry. Tears are already threatening to spill over onto your cheeks.

You don’t want to cry and so you walk over to the tree in your front yard. Folding your legs beneath you to lean against the rough bark. You’re not sure when you began to feel like you couldn’t tell Jaebum things. It used to be you told him too much. Told him everything, no matter how difficult or sad.

Not anymore.

Sighing, you look down at your phone in your hand. There’s a small kernel of anger growing larger by the second. Yes, you should have told Jaebum this tonight was important to you. Should have said you wanted to celebrate his most recent success together.

But should you have had to tell him?

Without stopping to think about what you’re doing, you unlock your phone.

Hey.

It only takes a few minutes before Mark texts back.

Hey?

He sounds confused and you don’t blame him. The two of you rarely text on weekends.

What are you doing tomorrow? Something crazy?

Maybe. Why? Want to join?

After staring at your phone for a long second, you lower your fingers. Fighting every natural instinct in your body to respond.

Yes.

[Master List]

[archivesdiveronarpg]

Congratulations, RONI! You’ve been accepted for the role of CIRCE with the approved faceclaim change to AARON YAN. Roni, what else is there to say except that your applications are always, always inspiring? You grasped Cinead’s voice so perfectly I got chills the more I read of your writing. From their cryptic, coy interview answers to the perfectly pivotal moments you captured in your para sample, you’ve demonstrated that the awe they inspire is, while terrifying at times, subtle in its potency. I especially loved the bit about their hoarding, and that they named their beloved crows! Congratulations - I’m so excited to see Cinead grace our dash! Please read over the checklist and send in your blog within 24 hours.

                                                                             WELCOME TO THE MOB.

Out of Character

Alias | Roni

Age | 21

Preferred Pronouns | she/her

Activity Level | I’m attending uni this year, and it’s not too difficult at the moment. I have a lighter course due to dropping a class, yet the ones remaining are still rigorous. So while I am on Tumblr during my free time, it’s hard to gauge when my free time will be. However, I would probably rate myself a seven out of ten on weekdays and a eight out of ten on most weekends, depending on how many replies I have/the length of my replies.

Timezone | EST

Permission | yes, you have my permission to publish this application!

Added note | I am turning this in with ten minutes to go before the submit closes, so I apologize for any grammatical/spelling errors!

In Character

Character | Circe // Cinead Tsai (with a fc change to aaron yan please?)

What drew you to this character? | like i’ve said before, i love playing neutral characters, as i love the dynamic neutral characters have with everyone. and reading through the witches, i was pulled to each of them, for their demeanors are absolutely wonderful and enticing. yet i kept returning to cinead. there is something so enticing about them, in the contrast they hold among their siblings, and the aura they possess within verona. they and their siblings hold a level of control among a city belonging to such an old feud; essentially, they all can hold their own. and with cinead, they can hold their own with that flare of indifference; mallory is the heat of a flame, hea a cool breeze that comforts and stings, and cinead is the cold chill that never truly leaves your bones. and that chill permeates throughout verona, and gosh, i would love to roleplay that if accepted.

What is a future plot idea you have in mind for the character?

( plan i ) there is something elusive to cinead about both matthias and hugo. they spark their interest unlike so many others, and it doesn’t escape their notice how different they are. of course, if they were similar, perhaps neither would capture his eye. the urge to test them, to push them past their breaking points, is a nagging notion that refuses to release them. oh, there are more important things in their lives that requires their attention —- and yet, their thoughts will drift to one of them more often than not. perhaps they want to see them burn. perhaps they want to touch their lives in ways they will never dream of. not even they know for sure what they truly desire of them. they are willing to discover it, though, and they will push and pull the strings to attain it.

( plan ii ) their siblings are their lifeblood. whatever true happiness they experience, whatever contentment they derive from this life, it all begins and ends with mallory, hea, and themselves. the three of them —- cinead cannot imagine what life would be if one of them disappeared from their lives. and yet, they dance on the edge between gods and mortals, and despite their confidence in the fact that of everyone in verona, they cannot die, there is a sliver of doubt. that inkling that, yes, they are mortals like those who surround them, and they all will die with a soft exhale. cinead does not wish for their bond to each other to break, nor does he wish for any of their deaths —- and yet, what will happen if either were to occur? what would happen if that sliver of doubt turns into the heartbreaking reality? how would verona explode after that?

( plan iii ) what would happen if someone forced their hand, and their reaction essentially caused them to choose a side? whether they wanted to side with any group is beyond the point; the action has marked them. how would that challenge their siblings? how would that impact the world they’ve slowly built? how would that change the stance they’ve all adopted for years? i want their would shaken, completely disturbed, and that could very well be the best way to disrupt what they have held close.

In Depth

What is your favorite place in Verona?

A raised brow, a flicker of a smirk. Humorous, really, that their time is being wasted on questions and words when their answers usually depend on actions. Their mind flits from the room to what the city is like that day. It’s as if their sight is linked to that of their crows —- there, the dark lady, a foreboding place of uneasiness, even for them and their siblings. the cathedral in the distance, tall and grand and antagonizing like always. The Capital Library, where knowledge should be a safe haven for many, and yet, it’s only for a select few. The roads and alleyways, the bodies littering the ground, the desolate wailing as their tears mix with the river —–

They blink. They are in a room, and the person is waiting with bated breath.

“I’ll share a secret with you,” they finally whisper, and, oh, the spark of excitement and wariness is exactly what they wanted to witness. The two of them lean forward at the same time.

This time, the smallest of smiles instead of a flicker. “Sometimes, us witches need an escape. Sometimes, we use our own rooms at the Hotel Emelia. It’s relaxing, quiet, little space for the wars that rage these streets.

“And it is the best place to share secrets. And if any spill from our doors — especially our own, especially mine if I even were to share — the consequences are just as quiet, just as relaxing for some.”

As the being leans back, lips pressed thin, Cinead’s smile grows inch by inch.

What does your typical day look like?

“I’m the one who greets you in the morning, depending on where you are,” they answer, smooth and effortless. “My siblings don’t tend to rise with the sun, but I enjoy sipping coffee as the sun rises. It’s a beautiful masterpiece, just like the ones at our museum.

“Every day I work — on different things than my siblings, of course, though we do share duties from time to time. Have to, if we want anything we touch to run smoothly and successfully. And then, perhaps on a particularly good day, you can find me at the Tempest Lounge.”

A tilt of the head, then, another flicker of a smirk. “Were you wondering, by chance, what my work entails? If it includes anything unusual?”

        ( —- a flock of crows, gold coins slipping through fingers, a soft note of warning —- )

“I assure you, whatever you suspect it is —- well, my work depends on it, don’t you think?”

What are your thoughts on the war between the Capulets and the Montagues?

They cannot help the scoff that escapes. The other is startled, unsure of how to react, and Cinead rolls their eyes. “Their war is suffocating. Their war is damaging. Their war is ruination. And that is what the city needs, in some sense. One cannot know peace without war; that is how we thrive, that is how we remain alive. The thought of something better being so close amidst chaos —- that brings people together.”

A hum burns the back of their throat. The sound is choppy, something unnatural coming from them. “It is true art of the human life, is it not? This devastation, this cry for revenge, this begging for peace. It’s beautiful and entertaining, a brilliant show to witness.”

Their gaze locks with the other, and the other sucks in a harsh breath. Another smile blossoms across their face, and, oh, they feel how absolutely crushing it is. “Are you not entertained yourself?”

In-Character Para Sample: (unfortunately, this isn’t as long as i planned it to be, so hopefully the snippets allow enough insight!)

Imagine a single being, born with eyes closed, and yet saw the world as it was: darkness. Imagine that being opening their eyes to witness light, and yet know they were not led astray. Imagine still how that being grew, with light surrounding them, trying to convince their soul that darkness did not exist, that salvation existed for them and everyone.

Imagine the being seeing a crow in the distance, black as night, existing as truth.

Know it was a call of reckoning; know it was the first curse and blessing bestowed on the earth the being walked.

It is Cinead’s origin; it is Cinead’s truth.

****

They return to the orphanage with less than they left; some of their belongings had burned in the house fire, and some the foster family denied them. Cinead had left the latter matter alone; there was nothing of importance, and they believed the family had suffered enough.

And if they hadn’t, the cycle of fate would. That, of anything, would always remain despite the passage of time.

Mallory and Hea did not notice their return. Thirteen and twelve, they still remained in the corner by themselves, quiet and thriving all at once. It was something Cinead had longed for while away.

Hea is the first to notice their entrance. Their fingers brush Mallory’s, and the youngest whips their head to the door. Both stand, both glide across the floor, and both surround Cinead with silent questions, slow nods as silent answers are given.

Hea’s warmth embraces them, and a beat passes Cinead’s arms wrap around the other. “I’m sorry the foster family did not work,” they say, and their voice lacks the genuine lilt they usually possess.

Cinead nods. “Me too,” they reply, and their tone exposes the lie they do not care to hide.

They are home. And they are not sorry.

****

"Pitiful.”

It is the only word they offer to the air, and neither Mallory or Hea are surprised. They all stand upon the roof of the Hotel, the image of the dead stamped in the back of their minds. The cycle is anew with the arrival of new players, and it was something the two warring families did not expect. Though what is worse, is the three of them could not foresee the change in its entirety.

In the moment, Cinead does not know who the label is directed for.

Still, change is a card one wants on their side; while inevitable, the consequences can be controlled.

A deep breath, a slow exhale. “It seems we are in need of a wider scope.”

Mallory huffs, arms crossed in annoyance. “We are in need of the unexpected, Cinead. Just as these Spades possess.”

“And we will possess it once more, you two. A mere blip is all this is,” Hea says, their voice soft as the breeze kissing their cheeks.

“A mere blip is a beat of a butterfly’s wings, Hea. I do not intend for us to be caught in the impending tornado.” Licking their lips, Cinead takes a step away from the lights and the screams that still echo the night. “Do not lose sight of what is important. Our lives could burn at the same time as theirs.”

This time, Mallory rolls their eyes, their hand trailing up Cinead’s arms to rest on their shoulder. “This eldest sibling act isn’t a good look on you, Cinead. Especially if you begin acting like a toddler who lost a board game.”

“Please, do you see me stomping my foot Mallory?” Cinead says as Hea’s chuckle resounds behind them.

Once silence embraces them once more, Hea whispers, “We will not forget as long you don’t, Cinead.”

They all stare to the bright lights of a city that is truly theirs (for how can this city belong to any meaningless humans?), and Cinead sucks the dark world into their lungs.

“I will not forget.”

Extras:

~ color palette

~ quotes

“you are the one everyone fears: the monster in the closet, the witch at the stake – the devil, falling. all of this is because they cannot understand you. they fear you like they fear death; instinctively. do not mind them, for death is a kind god: the sweetest sleep, the darkness from which life is born.”

“hope is going to kill you and it wont be a pretty death. sorry.”

“it’s quiet and you feel serene you splay your fingers against the water and you sink lower and lower just enough to breathe”

“We learn that the heart is the same size as the fist but we keep forgetting they don’t have the same functions.”

~ headcanons

cinead’s crows are their delight and joy. while many have been seen flying above where they walk ( a true sign of a blessing and a curse ), there have been three by his side for many, many years. once upon a time, the flicker of the thought in naming them after themselves and their siblings highly amused them to the point of almost following through. instead, in order to avoid confusion for the rest of their lives, they settled on different names. tempest, the strong-willed and loudest of the three, one, emelia, the quiet, elusive darling, and twelfth, the one who delivers the most trinkets. creative names, no?

they dabble in makeup, more for the aesthetic than for a true passion. eyeliner designs decorate their eyes, their temples, whatever they decide to settle upon that day. they appear as a run-way model most days; however, if they ever need to blend, they will easily wipe away the designs with no regret.

they tend to hoard items they believe to be interesting, or items that twelfth has brought to their attention. the collection isn’t organized as it should be, and their room is messy because of it. their siblings tease cinead is truly a crow’s counterpart, and they aren’t sure whether they take the remark as a compliment or not.

they take their coffee with one cream and half a sugar cube. they would rather wake in the morning with little bitterness, but not too much sweetness either.

they rather adore the museum; is was their desire to fill the museum with mostly baroque designs, as the era and style enraptures them. though they understand they cannot control those who kiss the statues, they will certainly complain about the marks left behind.

[odordefenderpaint]

Research Interview on Odor Blocking Paint &amp; Smoke Odor Removal with Dr. Katie Kolesar From Air Sciences Inc.

ECOBOND® OdorDefender® | Smoke Odor Eliminator - Specially Formulated Defense and Protection Against Odor, Smoke & Fumes from Cigarette, Pot, Fire, as well as Pet and Other Annoying Odors

ECOBOND® Paint, LLC is the Premier Provider of Environmental Products Focused on Protecting Human Health from the Dangers of Lead, Smoke & Odor.

ECOBOND® OdorDefender® is a professional-grade eco-friendly, odor-blocking paint designed for sealing & blocking dangerous odors and fumes from the effects of cigarette smoke, pot smoke, and fire as well as pet odors and substantially improves indoor air quality.

Because our environmental products are focused on protecting human health, we felel a responsibility to make sure our claims are validated. We submitted our OdorDefender® paint to be rigorously tested in an independent 3rd-party laboratory and we received spectacular results!

This is the interview with the lead scientist in charge of the study talking about the test results.

  ECOBOND Paint, LLC:         Hello. Today we are visiting with Katie Kolesar, senior air quality scientist with Air Sciences Incorporated. Welcome, Katie. Can you tell us a little bit about your qualifications?

Katie Kolesar: Yes. I got my undergraduate degree in biochemistry and molecular biology from Penn State University, then I got my masters and my PhD from the University of California Davis in civil and environmental engineering. Now, I am working, as you said, as a senior air quality scientist at Air Sciences and based out of Portland, Oregon.

ECOBOND Paint, LLC:         Wow. That’s pretty impressive. Can you explain a little bit about the testing methods used with ECOBOND® OdorDefender® testing?

Katie Kolesar: Absolutely. We tested the ECOBOND® OdorDefender® on two different types of surfaces. One was a drywall that was impregnated with smoke from marijuana and then one was a substrate that had ammonia on it. We put this into an enclosed area that was supposed to mimic a room that you might have. We allowed some natural ventilation, again much like you would have in your house. Then what we did is we tested the indoor air quality before the samples were introduced, when the samples were introduced, and then after the samples were treated with the ECOBOND® OdorDefender®.

Katie Kolesar: We used three different methods primarily for testing the indoor air quality. One of them was a total VOC concentration, so this picks up every single type of volatile organic compound that was inside of the simulated room. Another one was canister samples and those were analyzed with gas chromatography-mass spectrometry to get concentrations of specific compounds. This gave us information as to concentration such as naphthalenenoxylane or toluene or some other suite of compounds that were in the indoor air. Then, we tested the amount of ammonia as well.  

Katie Kolesar: We did the study for 30 days and the samples were sent off to laboratories or were analyzed in real-time.

ECOBOND Paint, LLC:         The laboratories, were they accredited laboratories or how do you choose them?

Katie Kolesar: Yeah. They’re all accredited for each of the methods that were used. The total VOC is a real-time measurement and that one doesn’t, there’s no standard accreditation, but based on the energy of the ionization source and the ionization energies of all the compounds assessed that we know of, it will show everything, all VOCs, except for methane and CO2.

ECOBOND Paint, LLC:         Does the chamber monitoring and the total VOC monitoring show that ECOBOND® OdorDefender® reduced VOC compounds commonly found in third hand marijuana and cigarette smoke or even off gassing ammonia?

Katie Kolesar: In both cases, yes. The chamber results showed that, first of all, that there was an increase in compounds associated with third hand smoke and ammonia when the sample was not treated. Then once the sample was treated, there was a marked decrease in the total amount of VOCs in some specific VOCs, such as naphthalenenoxylane, acetonecumulene, and 2two -butanol/ or methyl ethyl ketone. Those are the ones that are commonly associated with third hand smoke. There were other ones and then with ammonia as well. All of those showed a marked decrease once the ECOBOND OdorDefender was applied.

ECOBOND Paint, LLC:         Very good. How important is that to mitigate the hazards found in third hand marijuana or cigarette smoke?

Katie Kolesar: I did a little bit of research on this from the Mayo Clinic. They said that it is extremely important to mitigate your exposure to third hand smoke, especially for children and at-risk adults. Third hand smoke may be linked to increased instances of cancer and asthma development. Third hand smoke can stick around for a very long time. There is not, to the best of their knowledge currently, and I don’t believe they are familiar with the ECOBOND® product, no way to block third hand smoke or to get rid of it currently.

Katie Kolesar: I’m sure that they’ll be interested in our results.

ECOBOND Paint, LLC:         I hope so. How about off gassing ammonia? The off gassing ammonia, I know at most levels from say pet urine or animal urine that not necessarily hazardous but it is definitely something that most people do not want to smell. But, the levels that we used were, those were considered to be of hazardous content. Correct?

Katie Kolesar: Yes. Those can often cause problems with your airway and they can also cause coughing and just general irritation. While it’s not a pleasant smell, it can also cause those kinds of health problems.

ECOBOND Paint, LLC:         Great. Do the results of the chamber monitoring study support the claim that ECOBOND® OdorDefender® improves the indoor air quality due to third hand marijuana or cigarette smoke?

Katie Kolesar: Absolutely. Yeah. We saw a really marked decrease in compounds that are known to be in marijuana smoke with the application of the ECOBOND® OdorDefender® product.

ECOBOND Paint, LLC: How about the off-gassing ammonia?

Katie Kolesar: That as well. That one, the results also showed that there is a substantial decrease in the ammonia with the application of the ECOBOND® OdorDefender®.

ECOBOND Paint, LLC:         Then, I have just one last quick question for you. Do the results of the chamber monitoring study support the claim that

ECOBOND® OdorDefender® reduces the risk of third hand smoke hazards caused by marijuana or cigarette smoke?

Katie Kolesar: Yes. Absolutely. The results that we got from both the total VOC analysis and the individual compound analysis support the claim that the third hand smoke that’s being re-emitted from the walls is blocked with the ECOBOND® OdorDefender®.

ECOBOND Paint, LLC:         That’s pretty fantastic then. It sounds like it’s doing its job.

Katie Kolesar: That’s what we found. Yeah.

ECOBOND Paint, LLC:         Well, thank you very much for your time, Katie, and the great explanation that you gave. We hope everyone enjoyed this definition of how ECOBOND® OdorDefender® can improve the indoor air quality. For more information, please visit odordefenderpaint.com.

  About Air Sciences, Inc. http://airsci.com/about/

Air Sciences Inc. specializes in air pollution compliance, air quality consulting and environmental consulting. For the past 30+ years, we have worked with industry and government. Industry sectors have included minerals extraction and refining, power production, natural gas processing, chemical manufacturing, painting processes, and pesticide formulation. Government work has included fire emissions modeling and fire effects model development and application for federal land managers, and studies of dust movement and modeling for EPA.

Our experience includes working in all aspects of de-centralized air quality planning, including emission inventory development for communities, Tribes, states, and Regional Planning Organizations. Our projects are located throughout the United States. We also have international experience in Latin America, Europe, and Southeast Asia.

  About ECOBOND® Paint, LLC 

  ECOBOND® Paint, LLC is the Premier Provider of Environmental Products Focused on Protecting Human Health from the Dangers of Lead, Smoke & Odor.

Patent pending formula utilizing mineral and biopolymer odor blocking technology: The Best Smoke Odor Eliminator Product in the Market Today!

ECOBOND® OdorDefender® is a professional-grade eco-friendly, odor-blocking paint designed for sealing & blocking dangerous odors and fumes from the effects of cigarette smoke, pot smoke, and fire as well as pet odors and substantially improves indoor air quality.

Because odors are sealed, blocked, and absorbed  it gives the very best protection for your children & family!

                The post Research Interview on Odor Blocking Paint & Smoke Odor Removal with Dr. Katie Kolesar From Air Sciences Inc. appeared first on ECOBOND® OdorDefender® | Smoke Odor Eliminator.

Related posts:

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What You Can Do About Your Cleaning Products Activating Third Hand Smoke on Your Walls | Smoke Odor Removal From Your House.

from https://odordefenderpaint.com/odor-management-plan/2725-research-interview-with-interview-on-smoke-odor-removal-odor-blocking-paint-with-dr-katie-kolesar-from-air-sciences-inc/

[lifeunwinds]

1/14/18

What’s going on with my life? I’ve lost control. I haven’t left my house in two weeks exactly and most of that’s been in my bed. I would rather sleep because each time I wake up and realize that I’m here I get sadder. I have no desire to do anything and find myself lying in bed for as long as I can each day. I have no passion or will to want to create anything, have no desire to get a deadend job here and every “perfect” plan i’ve had to move away from here continues to crumble. All my money is depleting and I feel like i’m losing time in my life to do anything. I’ve been out of school for almost two years now and I have nothing going for me. Even if I move to LA and try to start a company with Alex, if that fails I feel like I will be in some MAJOR trouble with my mental health. 

I’ve felt like this for years but have never really thought about it until i’m in the situation. And I mean that in the way that when I feel really happy and good about life I don’t fear for these sad moments and I think it’s because I never realized that I get to these points. I never realized that I have a problem until I thought about it now. But is it a problem if they are situational problems that lead me into a deep depression, or do I have maniac depression?

I found myself depressed through middle school and high school. The only thing I had to look forward to was getting out of Pennsylvania and pursuing what I wanted to do. Getting my first job at Pizza Hut and making money helped me through my depression because although I had no friends and didn’t hang out with anyone, I at least had something to do and some social interaction. This made me a very hardworking individual because although I didn’t always enjoy the job I worked, I enjoyed the people around me. And having nothing else to do led me to always extending my day and taking peoples shifts and coming in whenever they needed me. Which in return gave me more money to save and made me happier for my future. I became very happy the last six months of my senior year (starting april of 2013) when I cleared my acne, got a new haircut, and created some social media accounts and became more social. I went on the senior trip and had a blast. I even started my “first” relationship. That was the happiest I had ever been in my life up until that point, I felt like I was on top of the world. Then chaos between us happened and with me moving away I ended things. I became very emotional, very sad, and in some ways I changed. I was extremely hurt and after that situation I became less loving and less open.

When I moved to Orlando I was extremely excited, that first month was amazing. Everyone was so cool, open, excited and we were all away from home so we could do whatever we wanted!! IT WAS INSANE. That was the best time ever. For the first two weeks I found myself still sad at night when I had moments to think about my relationship and still not being over her. But it was not as bad as it was before I moved. For the six months I found myself on an incredible high, until however I found myself in a rather upsetting position of confusion about my future. I had started a relationship with my still current girlfriend of 4 years back in November of 2013 and in June of 2014 I started questioning my life, where I would be, where I would end up, where I would go, what I would do. I was only 6 months into college and I was worried about everything. I broke up with my girlfriend out of the fear of what and where my life was going because I wanted a solid single moment to think about everything. And honestly it was a huge mistake. I did not need to leave her to do those things but in my mind I thought I did. I broke up with her the night that we had just gotten home from downtown disney and attending a concert with our friends. How fucked up is that? I couldn’t let her just enjoy the night?? I had mixed emotions and didn’t want to lie to her and make her think everything was okay. But honestly, I should’ve so that I didn’t ruin her night. My feelings could have waited one day tbh. Anyway, I ended things and soon afterwards it was July 4th and my friends and roommates had all left for their week vacation. I decided to stay back to assess my situation and in some ways it was good for me as it allowed some clear alone time, and gave me much time to think. I became very sad about ending my relationship and very jealous as I realized that she was with one of my friends at the time. I started thinking about what it was like without her, and I hated it. I knew I loved her. We got back together soon after and I found myself VERY happy. Aug. 2014 - Aug. 2015 was a very very very good time. That was the best I had ever felt. Being with her and enjoying life could not get any better. But then she graduated and in September of 2015 she moved away to Miami. I became very sad. I had just moved into a new apartment and not having her around led me to become very depressed. This became a dark time in my life. I didn’t hangout with many friends, and a lot of the time I found myself saying no to offers to go to parties, hangout with roommate, or even leave my bedroom at all. I would avoid contact with my roommate altogether  if I could some days by faking a phone call just to get to my room or just waiting for them to leave before I went to get something to eat or even leave the house. And sometimes  I would leave the house and then try and rush back before he got back home. It was bad. I had also come from a time of avoiding my roommates back in my last apartment because two of them were weird afff. But the only time I found myself happy is either when I was visiting her or hanging out with friends after school. I started to become more social with my friends and we started to soon create a tight bond. We started hanging more and more and my happiness grew. I became in a very bad situation again when I had gone through a long distance pregnancy scare with my girlfriend while in a very stressful situation in school for my class. It was very bad timing and I had been to the point of crying in the shower. I got through it with support from my friend and the happiness game became back at an all time high. I graduated September 2016 and this is when everything would change.

I had a plan with my friend to move to New York city. My girlfriend had moved there with his sister a few months back and my friend and I had visited in July of 2016. It was a great time. Although things were different between my girlfriend and I as we were changing people it was still very nice to see her. Fast forward to graduation and I hadn’t been able to commit to moving to NY because my girlfriend said her sister might relocate to LA and she might move with her. I really did NOT want this to happen because it would ruin everything. The plan I had with my friend would fall through, which is why I said I couldn’t commit at the moment. (It had nothing to do with money, I had that saved and ready, I was just waiting because I didn’t want to be away from my girlfriend.) So I moved back home in PA until I could figure out a plan. The first week of October the day after graduating I got on a flight with my parents and visited my grandfather in Dallas as he wasn’t doing very well. It was a good time getting to see family and spending a week with my parents especially. It felt like a mini vacation with family I hadn’t seen in a very long time. I was at a high, I was very happy. When we had arrived back home I started to apply to some local film jobs submitting my resume everywhere I could. My aunt had then passed away a week later and it was a sad time for the family. My grandmother  (other side of family) who had attended the funeral had started to slowly decline in health. I remember telling her that my girlfriend was coming for our anniversary the next month (Nov. 2016) and that i’d love for her and my aunts to meet her over dinner. She said that would be lovely and we had a plan to have dinner at her house. She began to decline in health very quickly and by the time my girlfriend came was on her deathbed. It was a very hard time, I am rather happy thought that she was able to meet my girlfriend. When she passed the whole family had taken it hard. It was very sad, I was sad. I had continued looking for jobs but kept getting no’s. Out of pressure for feeling like I wasn’t doing enough, I took a job at a hotel that my cousin had offered to me and stopped my search for film work. This would go on to become a very bad time. I started there the second week of Dec. 2016 and had a plan to visit my friend and girlfriend in NYC over new years. I went on that trip and was very happy. When I came back around the second week of Jan. 2017 My grandfather had declined in health and my mother, sister and I went to Dallas to visit him. My girlfriend had also moved to LA this time as well. He had passed away through one of the nights we were there but I was very happy to have been there to see him before he passed away. It was a very sad time for me and my family. I had issues with my work over this situation and work became to be very repetitive and scary. I was a night auditor for a hotel and was awake working by myself there 11pm - 7am sleeping during the day and working with very sketchy people in charge of the entire hotel by myself, alone at 21. It was a learning experience for sure, but definitely not a job I wanted to keep. I found myself very depressed again so I quit the job in April 2017 and went on to focus my time into film again. For the month of May I spent my time updating my resume and sending out applications. (not many, as I felt like I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do or where I wanted to go.) The next month in June 2017 I went on a family vacation to the D.R. and I had upgraded my equipment to a 5D mark iv and go pro 5. I was very excited! I was back to a high!! We had a blast of a time. Then I decided to visit my girlfriend in LA since we hadn’t seen each other in six months since January. That trip changed my outlook on life, I had a wonderful time and wanted to live there. I developed a plan with two of my friends that were there to find an apartment since they were already looking and I got my girlfriend on board too. The next month (Aug. 2017) I got an offer from a friend to fly out and work alongside him, so of course I did. It was a great time!! I had a blast and had worked 4 12 hour days straight. I felt so great because that’s the first time I worked in film since I graduated (almost a year exactly!!!). I then came back in Sept. 2017 and I tried to find a way to move there. This was my new mission. During which I gotten some freelance gigs. My one friend and girlfriend had both flaked on moving but I still had my other friend. By Oct. 2017 she had found someone else interested and I found a friend as well so we could get a 2 bed place. In Nov. 2017 My girlfriend came up for a wedding in the family in Virginia and I flew down with her to LA because I had a gig with a friend in Mexico for a week!! Now this was a trip of a lifetime, I had such a fucking phenomenal time. I was at an extreme high. I then was back in LA to celebrate my anniversary with my girlfriend and then fly back to PA. For the remaining month of Dec. 2017 I fell into a depression again. It was cold and icy and afraid to drive in the snow I didn’t leave the house. Christmas came, New Years came, Jenny’s birthday came, and I didn’t manage to make it out to see her. We have been face-timing/calling each other but it’s not the same. Dec. 31st 2017 I had messaged the group that we were looking for apartments with and two of them had flaked and already gotten an apartment. That leaves me with one person left and he wants to move to Atlanta instead. There is no 100% saying he will but if everything there is better for him I don’t want to force him to move to LA just for me. This has made me VERY depressed and to the point of not wanting to get out of bed because I feel like every option I have left is a failure and at this point i’m just done altogether. It’s veery frustrating for me to have gone through this several times and have it fail. I don’t know what else is left to do or what will happen, but if I don’t get to LA or leave this state soon I WILL GO MORE INSANE THAN I’VE BECOME.

I hope everything works out, but if there’s one thing i’ve learned since graduating, that’s not going to fucking happen.