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emilialuciasantos · 3 years

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Is This a Date? (Part 1) || Emilia x Lola

Where: Santa Monica, CA

When: February 25, 2021

Featuring: Lola Siciliani (dialogue provided by Frenchie @lola-siciliani), Blaine Valentine, Ace Wong

Triggers: Mention of hospitalization, mental health (anxiety, body image issues), mention of abortion, mention of bullying

Emilia pulled up to Lola's apartment and texted her that she was outside. She needed to see Lola after the day she had in the ICU. As she waited, she answered a few OnlyFans DMs. People really wanted her attention tonight. She had no idea why though. It was only Thursday. She usually only posted new content on the weekends. The last message she had to send was to Lollypop12, a kind mutual who she had been chatting with a lot. Lollypop12 reminded her of Lola so much, but of course she wouldn't ask Lola if she had an account. The last thing Emilia wanted to do was make her uncomfortable. Before she could finish writing the message, she spotted Lola walking up to the car.

Lola was immersed into her book when she received a text message. For a moment, she had quickly glanced, thinking it was AJ, but when it buzzed again, her eyes lit up seeing that it was Emilia. She went to double check to see if she received any word from lucylovexox, but she was probably busy...there was something that seemed familiar about her, but she was just glad that she had made a friend. Slamming her book shut, she ran to her mirror to make sure her hair wasn't too out of place and scurried out the door to meet up with Emilia. She might've nearly tripped down the stairs on her way out, but luckily, it didn't appear like Emilia noticed as she waved at her approaching the car. "Hey!"

Emilia unlocked the door for her, asking, "Hey! How's your day going?" She had a rough day, but seeing Lola made her day almost instantly better. "I just gotta answer this text real quick, then we can go get dinner." The text was actually the OnlyFans DM she was writing, but she wasn't going to admit that out loud. Word spread fast in their city, and her career would be ruined before it even began. She typed out "Goddamn, you are killing it! 🥵🥵🥵" and hit send before shoving her phone into her jacket pocket.

Lola hopped into the car and grinned, "Besides nearly falling asleep in chemistry class, it's going pretty damn great, what about you?" She asked curiously. Just like that, Lola's energy practically zapped her back to life and she wasn't feeling so sluggish anymore. "Oh, no worries, take your time," Lola pointed out with a smile as she nodded her head along to the radio, not saying anything to make sure Emilia was focused on the text. That was until her phone made the ding sound and she went to check to see who it was. AJ typically had the worst timing until she saw none other than lucylovexox and her heart dropped. There was no way.

“Better now. I was put in the ICU today for clinicals... it was rough.” The ICU was never a pleasant place to be. It didn’t help that she knew one of her patients. She didn’t know him well, but he was related to Blaine and had done her and her mother’s tattoos. She was ready to start the car, but then heard the ding. She froze like a deer in headlights. This had to be a coincidence.

“That, does not sound fun. I’m so sorry,” Lola frowned. “I’ll buy you an appetizer for your troubles tonight?” She offered with a smile. She couldn’t imagine how hard it was for Emilia between navigating the ICU for clinicals and still managing to make her way to see her...but Lola was grateful and she’d try to repay her as best as she could. Of course right now she wanted to quickly rebound and say, “Oh it’s probably my brother,” She chuckled to lighten the mood. As she checked her phone she could feel the heat rising to her cheeks and her ears as she responded, “That one was specifically for you 🥰🥰🥰” And all she could do now was hold her breath, and hope, the phone next to her wasn’t going to buzz.

“Aww, you’re too sweet. You don’t have to do that though.” She couldn’t get over how nice Lola was to her. Sure, her friends were nice to her, but Lola went above and beyond compared to most of them. She started up the car then felt her phone vibrate. One buzz, followed by a double buzz. One of those was definitely a text from Blaine, who had been bothering her all day about his maternal family. The other, she wasn’t sure about, but was scared to find out. She bit the bullet and looked. A text and an OnlyFans notification. She had to turn off notifications for OF one of these days. “Sorry, Blaine’s been texting me all day about family stuff.” That wasn’t a lie, but not the whole truth either. “I’ll answer him back later. You can change the station or put your own music on the aux if you want.”

“Yup, I do. It’s law. Bad days require amazing appetizers,” Lola grinned brightly at Emilia. It was at that moment she could hear her siblings in her head saying ‘welcome to the club’ and ‘it’s about goddamn time’ about her feeling her own feelings again. There was just something about Emilia that just made everything feel okay again. However, the buzz brought her mind back down to earth and that, got her heart racing, but then, it was followed by another buzz. Okay, it wasn’t, Emilia. Even though lucylovexox seemed so familiar and comfortable to talk to, there was no way it was Emilia. “Oh, is everything okay?” She asked curiously. Even though she and Blaine had a stand-off last time, she knew Emilia cared about her step-brother, and if she was worried, Lola would be worried too. “Don’t worry about it,” she chuckled. “I love this song actually. It’s been stuck in my head since I first heard it, actually.”

“Oh is it now?” she asked, a small smirk forming on her face. However, thinking about her day and the possibility of her alter ego being discovered brought her back to reality. She sighed before answering, “Don’t go spreading this around, but one of Blaine’s maternal cousins went into the hospital last night. Overdose. He’s in the ICU, and since I happened to be in the ICU today, it became my job to update them all on his condition on top of, you know, working. And now Blaine’s just complaining about how his relatives are irritating him.” With the car still in park, she opened up her phone to look at the notifications. She sent Blaine a quick “you’ll be aight” text, then went back to the DMs. Lollypop12, of course, came up first, followed by a man called GregT143. Greg was obsessed with her, or rather, with Lucy. She didn’t have the mental energy to answer either though, so she exited the app, put her phone in the cup holder, and started to drive.

"It is, I said so," She wiggled her eyebrows at the green-eyed girl. Lola had to push the thought from her head that Emilia was potentially lucylovexox--mostly because they became pretty acquainted with each other and she'd probably wouldn't know how to handle herself without being a flustered mess. At Emilia's confession, she did something she hardly ever did with people, she put a careful reassuring hand on Emilia's shoulder. "Don't worry, it'll be between us. I'm sorry you have to deal with all of that, though. I can't even imagine how much of a headache that must be. I'm here for you though. If you want to like...vent and stuff," She offered with a lop-sided smile. Once she realized what she did she carefully inched her hand away back to her lap and took a breath. "So, um, this is...completely random, but earlier today my Nonna gave me a play by play of my old neighbors back home fighting. They fight every Thursday over a different topic each and every time and this week, they were screaming in the street about laundry."

Why was Lola so nice? Why did her hand on her shoulder make her heart flutter? Why did someone as cool and confident as Lola even give her the time of day? All of these thoughts, the thumping beat of Rihanna’s “Where Have You Been,” and the fact that her phone buzzed five times in a row (all messages from Greg, of course) made it hard for Emilia to focus on the road. As Lola recalled the story her Nonna told her, Emilia abruptly pulled over and put the car in park. After turning the volume on the radio down to zero, she sat in silence for a moment, forehead pressed against the steering wheel, before apologizing. “I’m sorry... sorry... I just, I got overwhelmed. Sorry.” She felt like she was ruining the evening before it even began.

As Lola wrapped up the story with a, "Apparently you can't put orange with white because everything turns peach--" She kept hearing the buzzes coming from the cup holder and as much as she tried to not look, her eyes quickly glanced and saw the OF notifications and her heart fell straight down into her stomach as her eyes quickly went back to Emilia's as the car was suddenly pulled over. "Hey, hey," Lola unbuckled her seatbelt to scoot closer to Emilia, her hand lightly going over to her head, to turn the green eyed girl towards her. "Em, it's okay. I'm here."

“There’s too... much... happening!” she yelled, bursting into tears. Emilia was overwhelmed. She didn’t know why this was all hitting her now, but it was, and it was hitting her like a semi truck. She yanked her seatbelt off and buried her face into Lola’s shoulder. The fact that she was being so soft and comforting only made Emilia bawl harder. Then her phone buzzed again. This time it was a double buzz, a text message. The text was from Blaine and it said, “I know. I’m sorry everyone was bothering you. Thank you for your help today. Babciu and Kieran really appreciated it.” She didn’t want to read any of her messages at the moment, so she looked up to the blue-eyed girl and asked, “Could you please put my phone on airplane mode? The passcode is 0506.” 0506. May 6th, her mother’s birthday.

If there was one thing that Lola couldn't handle, it was emotion, but somehow, somewhere in the back of her head, she knew exactly what to do as she pulled Emilia into a tight hug, and rubbed her back in a soothing circle. "Just breathe, Emilia," She whispered softly. She couldn't imagine what was going through Emilia's head, being completely overwhelmed and overloaded, like the weight of the world was on her shoulders. All Lola could do was hold her tight to keep her together, to let her know she was here to hold her up. At Emilia's request, she nodded silently and typed in the passcode, ignoring all the texts and notifications as the phone was put into airplane mode. She set the phone back into the cup holder, and carefully went to cup Emilia's face, her thumbs wiping her tears. "Let's just take a moment for you to be in silence, that way you're not surrounded by a major sensory overload, okay?" She said, her voice was barely above a whisper. "I got you. I'm not going anywhere. Just take a moment."

A wave of relief washed over her once her phone was turned off. No more insane buzzing, no more horny incels or annoying brothers. It was just Emilia, Lola, and the low rumble of Emilia’s car engine. “Thanks... and sorry again. Can you repeat what you said before about your Nonna and the laundry? I didn’t fully understand you.”

Seeing Emilia pull herself back together was strength, in Lola's opinion. She was definitely having a day and she'd do her best to make it just a little better, if all else failed. "No need to apologize, I get it," She reassured the other brunette with a reassuring grin. "Oh, um," She chuckled awkwardly. "My Nonna likes to give me a play by play on my neighbors arguing every week and this week it was about laundry, and why you shouldn't put anything orange into a pile of whites."

Emilia sniffled, using her jacket sleeve to wipe her eyes. “Still. You have your own stuff to worry about. You don’t need my stuff too.” She often felt bad about bothering people with her emotional problems, even when she was confiding in someone she wholeheartedly trusted. She didn’t want to come off as whiny or annoying. “Huh, no orange and white. I’ve never had an issue with mixing whites and colors, but I’ll try to keep that in mind.”

"Sometimes we can't handle everything on our own, Em," Lola pointed out. "It's okay to lean on someone you can trust. I don't mind at all," She reassured her with a grin. All she wanted to do was pull Emilia into a hug again, but she definitely didn't want to go overboard...especially because she enjoyed hugging her. "Neither have I," She laughed lightly. "Honestly, I think they just have detergent that makes their clothes bleed, but I didn't tell Nonna that because those neighbors were like a telenovela just unraveling every week."

“Thanks again,” she said softly, leaning her head back on Lola’s shoulder. She wanted, no needed, another hug. It made her feel safe. Lola made her feel safe, amongst other things. “Yeah, it does sound like they have bad detergent. If you want to hear about a real-life telenovela, you should hear about my Uncle Luis’ love life.”

"Any time," Lola grinned. When Emilia's head went to Lola's shoulder, she couldn't resist wrapping her arms around her once more, just completely taking in the moment. She wanted to keep her safe, as much as she hated admitting to herself that she felt strongly for Emilia. "They really do. I'm gonna guess it's like AJAX or something?" She chuckled. "Oooh, you gotta tell me. How bad as it," She asked curiously. Then, she did something she didn't think she'd ever do: she carefully brushed a random piece of hair behind Emilia's ear.

Emilia closed her eyes, sighing softly. She hadn’t fully calmed down yet, but she was starting to. “Oh, it’s really bad. I should probably start by saying that he’s awful and no one in the family likes him. So he dated this woman when I was about ten or eleven, cheated on her with her twin sister, and got both of them pregnant.” She felt her cheeks blush when Lola touched her hair. She hated how much of a blusher she was, especially around her. She also hated how much she wanted to make out.

Lola hoped that Emilia was starting to feel better and was letting the weight lift off her shoulders, even if it was for a bit. "We all have a relative like that in our family, right?" She smirked until her eyes widened at the story. Now that, was pretty damn messy. "Wow...um...huh," She chuckled, shaking her head. "Okay, I just have one question: did they wind up having twins on their own too or...I'm just mildly curious on the outcome of all that, don't mind me," She waved off casually. She noticed Emilia's blush right off the bat. Frankly, it reminded her of the first day she met, except this time...she was fighting the urge of not instantly moving in to kiss her.

“Oh, well, one didn’t end up having any babies, and the other gave hers up for adoption. Just a single birth. I hope that kid’s doing alright.” She didn’t have any more information on that situation, but she did know that Luis had at least four other kids he wasn’t paying child support for. After finishing her story, she sat up and put her seatbelt back on. Her brain was still rebooting from the panic attack, but if she didn’t start driving now, she feared she might do something she’d regret. “Okay, I think I’m okay to drive now. You mind if I keep the radio off though?”

"Woo...I don't blame either of their decisions, honestly. I can't imagine how heartbreaking and rough that must've been. Definitely telenovela status," Lola nodded with a bewildered look for a moment. When Emilia sat back up, Lola went to grab her seatbelt to put it back on again. At least now things were back to normal...well, her mind was still reeling from all that had happened and the fact she had just done the thing and had to restrain herself. "Awesome! I'm ready!" She grinned and then followed up with, "Not at all, we can talk or drive in silence, whichever's more comfortable for you."

“Yeah, that was a particularly bad Luis story. I probably shouldn’t have known about that as a child, but I did.” It was because she and her mom always lived in tiny apartments and Emilia often eavesdropped on telephone conversations between her mom and Abuela. “I’m okay with talking.” As she drove, she didn’t do much of the talking. She preferred listening to what Lola had to say.

"You know I feel like when we have women in our family that love spilling tea, we're bound to know the wrong thing at a young age, you know?" Lola chuckled. "I definitely get it. The things my mom and Nonna, and Aunt Connie would talk about would be wild," She added on with a silly grin. "Okay, we can do that," She nodded. "Well, if you want to talk about family drama, well the current family drama is that my older sister hates my brother's girlfriend because she stands in solidarity with her best friend...who slept with my brother's girlfriend's ex-boyfriend...who also just so happens to be my brother's best friend."

“No one really told me stuff, I was just a nosy kid,” she explained, chuckling. “But now that I’m an adult, I get included in the conversation. Abuela looooves talking shit over the phone.” Emilia’s eyes nearly bulged out of her head when Lola talked about her family drama, not only because of how obscure this story was, but also because she remembered this story. “Shit, I think I heard about that on Gossip God!”

”That’s the best part. The eavesdropping. Did you ever hold the cup to your ear while your mom was in the other room??” She asked curiously. “YES!!!! Isn’t it great. Especially cause they think you won’t say anything. You become the new bearer of secrets,” She giggled. At Emilia’s expression, Lola laughed and nodded. “Because it was broadcasted on Gossip God. My brother and my sister’s best friend were wrapped up in alll of that. I mean, as much as Ivy wants me to hate Lydia, I’m curious about her and personally I just want to see her point of view and then determine from there. My mom agrees.”

"I never had to. Thin walls plus loud mom equaled perfect eavesdropping opportunities. She always gets mad at me when I tell her that she's loud, but then will yell at me to come downstairs for dinner at a volume loud enough to be heard down the block." She laughed at her own joke. Paula, whether she admitted or not, was a loud-mouth. "I'm a pretty good bearer of secrets, if I do say so myself. Except I do tell my mom most things. Like, I'd say about 90% of stuff." Of course she had her own secrets that she kept from her mom, but not too many. Just those involving sex work. "Honestly, I think you should get to know her on your own. Maybe it's one big misunderstanding. You won't know unless you do your own investigation. It reminds me of a law quote Blaine told me. 'There are three sides to every story: the plaintiff's side, the defendant's side, and the truth.'"

Lola giggled at Emilia's description of her mom. In fact, she could relate. Elena Siciliani was definitely one of those moms. "Ugh, lucky you...although I can relate with the loud-mouthed mom, until it came down to sharing gossip. I think our moms might get along honestly. Loud moms always flock together and you can hear them coming miles away," She shook her head as she explained through laughter. "That makes two of us then, huh? Although, let's be real, sometimes the secrets are just burning you have no choice but to tell your mom, y'know? Then they totally understand." It was often something that Lola did, often, although sometimes if it was too wild, she'd have to tell Ivy. "I think so too," She nodded in agreement and then tilted her head at Blaine's law quote. "That's...actually really insightful. I'll definitely have to keep that quote in my pocket. Thanks for that, Em."

“You think so?” Emilia thought her mom needed more mom friends. After Emilia fell out with her childhood best friend, Paula lost a lot of her mom friends. While she got along with Ace’s mom, they came from two totally different worlds and didn’t have a lot in common. “Oh yeah, totally. We bicker sometimes, but at the end of the day, she’s my best friend.” If there was one person Emilia could rely on no matter what, it was her mother. She was starting to get to that level of trust with her step family, but wasn’t quite there yet. “Oh no problem,” she said as she pulled into the restaurant’s parking lot.

"Definitely! My mom's loud and friendly to anyone she meets. Anyone. It's a pain because she always gets stopped at supermarkets because she's so extroverted and I'll be like 'ma...we gotta go'. Every time," She reassured Emilia. Hopefully their moms could be friends somewhere down the road...especially with how much Lola's been rattling her head off to the woman back home. "I love that for you both," She said with a bright smile. Lola was blessed to have not just her mother, but her older siblings too. Throughout the bickering, the fighting, she had them. So, she could relate to just Emilia and her mom, cause sometimes, that's all you ever needed. "So," She clapped her hands quietly, but excitedly, "I am so hype to try out this spot."

“That happens to my step-dad too. He just knows everyone!” Her mom was extroverted, but not as much as George. Emilia didn’t mind as much, but Blaine absolutely hated it. It’s why Emilia helped out with groceries more than he did. “Well I’d love to meet your mom one of these days, and I’m sure my mom would too.” She wondered how much Lola’s mom knew about her. Paula had heard quite a bit about Lola, and Gossip God filled in the rest of the blanks for her. She hated how accurate that blog was. She pulled into a spot, put the car in park, and turned the car off. “My personal favorite are the chicken tacos. I hear the fish tacos are good too, but I’ve never had them. I can try them, but only once.”

"Isn't it so daunting?! Like they get stopped literally everywhere!" Lola laughed at the thought of it. Often times, she'd joke that her mom was like the mayor or the president. Just always shaking hands and having very long conversations. "Definitely! I think she's coming down for March Madness or spring break, I gotta double check with her first, but I'll definitely let you know when he's in town," She reassured her with a smile. "Oooh, chicken tacos sound amazing right now. Especially with the green salsa," She sighed at the mention of the fish taco, she thought about it for a second. I can try them, but only once. "Wait a sec," She shook her head with a chuckle. "Are you allergic to fish?"

“Right? Sometimes I feel like my mom married the freaking Governor!” She laughed about it, but George could go into politics if he wanted to, and he’d probably be very good at it. Emilia’s eyes widened as she realized that she never told Lola about her allergy. “Crustacean shellfish,” she elaborated. “I never really had shellfish growing up because we couldn’t afford it. I tried shrimp and stuff a few times, but I didn’t realize I was having an allergic reaction and just thought it tasted bad. I didn’t actually know I was allergic until I graduated high school and tried lobster for the first time at my high school graduation dinner.” Worst dinner party ever.

"Exactly! It's like at this point, just run for office! Between your step-dad and my mom, they'd win the presidency/vice presidency for sure," Lola laughed at the thought of it for a moment. "Oh...that sounds incredibly terrifying and horrible," She shook her head in shock. "Rest assured, I'm not really a big fan of shellfish, like at all, my family doesn't really eat it cause ma's allergic, so, you won't die at Sunday dinner," She teased, and realized what she just implied...and then frankly she didn't care because she liked Emilia. "And yes, you're invited to Sunday dinner."

“Now that would be a sight to see.” Emilia wasn’t sure if she would ever want George to run for office, as he was, unfortunately, a libertarian. “Yeah, not fun times, which is why I generally avoid mixed seafood platters and fried foods at restaurants. Did you know that restaurants tend to fry everything in the same oil?” She didn’t know that until she was an adult. “I mean, if you did want to, I wouldn’t stop you, so long as you don’t kiss me on the mouth after.” Emilia realized after she spoke what she was implying, and once again, her face was red. “Uh... anyways, let’s go eat!”

"It really would huh?" Lola grinned, scrunching her nose up cutely at Emilia. "I don't blame you at all, that sounds terrify--wait what?" Her eyes widened in shock. This was the first time she had ever heard about food being fried in the same oil. "I--wow--that's--huh," She was pretty much speechless for a moment about the food until her ears perked up at Emilia's next statement. "Let's be real, if I were to kiss you on the mouth, I definitely wouldn't eat fried food or seafood. Maybe something sweet like, candy or fruit," She pointed out with a smirk. She was definitely being blunt now. "I mean, um, yeah, definitely, let's go!" She nodded in agreement, biting her bottom lip nervously, hoping to the high heavens that she didn't blow it.

“Mhm.” Emilia smiled at Lola’s cute little scrunched-nose expression. She wanted to take a picture and keep it forever, but didn’t do that because she knew that would be a weird thing to do. “Yeah. When you have a lot of food to make, it’s just easier to fry everything together. Not all places do it, but a lot of big places do, like diners and chain restaurants.” Emilia’s heart skipped a beat when Lola talked about kissing her. And biting her lip after? Was Lola trying to kill her? Her heart was pushing her to make a move before it was too late, so she did. She leaned forward and pressed her lips against the other girl’s. As soon as she did, however, her brain screamed at her to stop. ‘What the hell are you doing? Why would you do that? She doesn��t actually like you. Stop now! STOP NOW!!’ She listened to her brain, retreated, and apologized. “I-I’m sorry... I-I don’t know what came over me...”

Lola couldn't help but smile at Emilia's smile. She really did have the prettiest smile, and sure, it might make her a simp but she would go through hell and high water to make sure that girl smiled. God, she was hopeless. "That sounds so gross. That cross contamination sounds so deadly I just...ew. I can't," She made a sour face and shook her head for a moment. When her gaze met Emilia's, she could feel her own blush coming on starting from her cheeks and ending at her ears. At this point she just wanted to hide her face within her shirt, maybe behind her jean jacket if she could, but, suddenly, Emilia's lips were on her lips, and they were so soft but before she could even reciprocate it back, the other girl pulled back. And Lola, was bewildered. "No don't!" She quickly blurted out. "I um," She put her hand to her own lips and smiled a little, "Can we...do that again?"

Oh God, she actually did that. The brunette’s brain was moving a hundred miles per second. ‘That was a terrible idea. She doesn’t realize how much of a broken mess you are. No one wants to be with a broken mess.’ Once more, Emilia felt the need to apologize. “Sorry. It’s just... the things you were saying and way you were looking at me made me think maybe— wait did you just ask if we could do that again?”

Lola’s mind was running a mile a minute. Mostly it was an internal scream that Emilia had just kissed her. One part of her told her no, we’re not going back down this route again! but the other part of her...the other part of her was much louder and much softer. That part of her would never get tired of kissing Emilia. Her brow furrowed at Emilia’s apology, her assumptions were right, Lola was indeed flirting with the beautiful green eyed girl. “You don’t need to apologize,” She giggled softly. “And yeah, I did. I liked it,” she bit her lip nervously and then said, “I’ve been flirting this whole time, because I like the way your cheeks get all rosy and your smile gets all bashful. I think you’re really pretty—no—drop-dead gorgeous. And I wouldn’t mind kissing you all the time.”

You don't need to apologize. She repeated that to herself in her brain. You don't need to apologize. She heard it in her therapist's voice. Her therapist was constantly telling her that she didn't need to apologize to everyone for everything, that the feelings she felt were normal and valid. Maybe her therapist had a point. Hearing Lola say that she enjoyed the kiss and that she had been flirting with her brought a smile to Emilia's face, but part of her still didn't believe Lola. Emilia's mind was constantly in flux between 'you're awful and ugly and nobody will love you' and 'you're hot shit, but people will only ever love you for your body.' Right now she was stuck on the former. "Are you sure?" she asked, softly.

Lola could tell the situation was intensifying between them two, so carefully, she reached out to put a hand on Emilia's cheek to reassure her. She had to admit, she was a sucker for her, despite her own past heartache, but she had a glimmer of hope. Maybe she wouldn't be hidden this time, maybe she wouldn't have to hold her hand under the table. Maybe, just maybe, she could be out in the open with Emilia. She hoped so, at least. Carefully she leaned in closer and nodded, "I'm more than sure," She smiled. "I like you, Emilia."

She leaned into Lola’s touch, melting like a puddle in her hand. Why someone as cool as Lola liked someone like Emilia was beyond her comprehension. But being close to her like this felt nice, and she wanted to get even closer, physically and emotionally. “I like you too... So does that make this a date?”

It was official, Lola was indeed a simp and her siblings would give her the utmost shit about it...and she didn’t care. Emilia was the sweetest person she had come across, someone who could pull a smile from her constant rbf, she was someone who reminded her what it was like to feel a heartbeat. Her smile grew at Emilia’s confession and all she wanted to do was kiss her right then and there, but she decided to just lean in, and let her nose touch the other girl’s as she whispered, “It can be, if you want it to.”

“In that case, it’s a date... We should probably get this food before all the seats fill up.” As much as she wanted to stay here and enjoy this moment, she was starving. “Or I guess we could get it to go, if worse comes to worst.” As she sat up, she caught a glimpse of herself in the rear view mirror and realized how disheveled she looked. “Oh God, I hope you weren’t going to really let me go into the restaurant looking like this,” she said, reaching back to grab her purse. She had cried about half of her makeup off while panicking and wasn’t going to go out in public without fixing it. “Could you go in and grab us a table?”

“Great! It’s a date!” Lola echoed with a grin. “And um yeah because the last thing I had today was left over lasagna...for lunch,” she emphasized with a groan. She was definitely starving. “Let’s see if there are tables first and then if push comes to shove then we can get it to go and eat it at my place?” She offered with a smile. At Emilia’s comment, Lola shook her head with a chuckle, “Of course not, I would’ve definitely stopped you, but, I still think you look pretty,” She pointed out with a more bashful smile. At the request, she nodded and gave Emilia a quick kiss on the cheek before she went to unbuckle her seatbelt and hopped out the car. She was practically skipping with excitement as she made her way inside.

Once Lola was out of the car, Emilia screamed in excitement. She took her phone off of airplane mode and called Ace to let him know about the good news. She put him on speaker and told him everything that had happened in the car as she reapplied her eye makeup. She was over the moon, and Ace was just as excited for her. Once she looked presentable, she ended the call and entered the restaurant.

Lola was on cloud 9 as she made her way inside giddily asking for a table. She had gushed to the hostess about having her first date tonight with a pretty girl in which, suddenly she was being seated at her table. She thanked the woman and took a seat, quickly texting AJ and Ivy, “Guess I’m joining the club,” and then waited for Emilia, her heart, was officially racing.

Emilia stared at her phone for a moment before entering the restaurant. She knew she had messages to answer, but she didn’t feel like doing it. It dawned on her that Lola most likely saw at least one OnlyFans notification when she turned her phone off for her earlier, and that she had quite a bit of explaining to do. She would cross that bridge later though, when they weren’t in public. She sent Blaine a quick text, stating “no prob, ttyl” before going on airplane mode once more. She wanted to give Lola all of her attention. The hostess graciously showed her to the table where Lola was seated.

Lola could feel the adrenaline rushing through her and it almost felt like electricity in her veins, in the best way possible, of course. When she got a few texts back, mostly from AJ, because she knew Ivy was working, she quickly shot back texts doing her best to explain in few words before responding “I’ll call you later”, when she noticed Emilia approaching and quickly pocketed her phone. Gosh, she’s so pretty... she thought to herself quietly and then responded, “Well, long time no see, stranger,” She teased.

Emilia was excited, but also incredibly nervous. Why did she have to say the date thing? Now the stakes felt so much higher. There was a big chance that she would severely screw things up. But maybe something really good could come out of this. “I’m sorry, who are you?” she asked, clearly joking.

As much as she felt that the whole date thing would mean a little more pressure, Lola reminded herself to make it as enjoyable as possible, even if it was awkward. "Wooow, you wound me, Emilia!" She teased, putting a hand over her own heart in a dramatic fashion. "So, I have a proposition for you, that way it takes a little bit of weight of your shoulders."

She giggled at Lola’s response to her joke. “And the Oscar goes to Lola Siciliani!” She hung her jacket up on the back of the chair and took a seat, immediately reaching for the bowl of tortilla chips on the table. She was thankful for free restaurant chips. She raised a brow when Lola spoke. “A proposition? What kind of proposition are you talking about?”

“I’d like to give a big middle finger to the academy and a shout out to this gorgeous gal back home...” Lola teased with a giggle. She went to try to steal a chip from Emilia as she nodded at the other girl’s question. “Okay, so, I know this is the first date, but, what if we just say it’s a casual first date, so that way it kinda takes the edge off y’know? Like—we don’t have to sit and try to impress each other because we’re just here to have a good time, no matter what the outcome.”

"Damn, what'd the Academy do to you?" she asked, laughing. "When you say back home, do you mean here or is there someone in Chicago I should know about?" Emilia was sure there were plenty of gorgeous girls in Chicago, maybe some that Lola had dated. Now that she was thinking about it, she realized that she really didn't know anything about Lola's dating history. That would be a question for later. "I like the idea of a casual first date... I think I'd like to do the 'getting to know you' part of a date though, because there's still a bunch of little things I don't know about you yet, and I'd like to."

"Oh you know, snub all my favorite actors," Lola laughed along with her and then snorted at Emilia's remark. "Well, I'm starting to consider Santa Monica as a second home and the only pretty girl I know is sitting right across from me," She added, batting her eyelashes cutely at the other girl. "Then back home I got my ma, Nonna, and Aunt Connie," She added with a grin. She realized there'd be more that the two of them would talk about between growing up in their hometowns to the infamous dating history. She was ready--sort of. "Awesome! And yeah, we can do that, get to know the deep dark secrets and all," She teased. "I could take the plunge and start or, would you like to have the floor first?" She asked curiously, resting her chin on the palm of her hand.

There it was again. She felt her face warming up. She hadn't even been in this restaurant for two minutes, yet Lola was already making her flustered. Getting complimented by pretty girls was truly her Kryptonite. "Oh hush. I can't be the only pretty girl you've met. There are literal models who live here!" Emilia hadn't met any personally, but she knew they were out there. Her heart dropped to her stomach at the mention of deep dark secrets. Emilia would have to talk about her 'side hustle' eventually. She told herself this only moments ago, but she still wasn't ready. What if Lola judged Emilia for what she did? Or worse, what if she told other people? "Umm... were you in any clubs or sports teams in high school?" That was an easy enough question.

"Pink's definitely your color," Lola began teasingly. "Just look at how cute you look when you get all flustered," She said, wiggling her eyebrows at Emilia with a big grin. "Okay, so? That doesn't make you any less prettier than any of the models here. You're gorgeous and if you weren't sitting across from me I'd probably squish your face--and that's rare," She admitted aloud. She was so going to kick herself for that comment. "I played soccer and was in the science club," She admitted with a grin. "What about you?"

“Stooooop,” she whined, hiding her face behind her hands. “It might be one of my favorite colors, but not on my face.” She took a few deep breaths, trying not to get overwhelmed. Then it hit her. She thought to herself, don’t think like Emilia, think like Lucy. “That’s too kind of you. But you could squish my face if you really wanted to, like...” She reached across the table and squeezed one of Lola’s cheeks. “Like that.” She smirked at the other girl. “I did choir all throughout high school and I was in stage crew for a few of the school plays. Oh, and GSA. Ace convinced me to start going to that in junior year.”

Lola giggled at Emilia whining and hiding behind her hands. She had a feeling she could get used to moments like these, except she hated there was a table between them because she’d be all over, kissing those cute flustered cheeks. “Well, I think it’s so cute,” She smiled scrunching her nose up at her. Then, the tables were turned when Emilia went to squish Lola’s cheek and she laughed feeling her own face slowly begin to turn pink. “Well...” She cleared her throat, hiding her own face for a moment and suppressing a fit of giggles. “You’re on!” She said as she reached over with both hands to squish Lola’s cheeks and then said, “Hey, why don’t we switch it up and you can sit next to me instead or I could go and slide over next to you?” She offered. “Really?” Her eyes widened in awe at the other girl’s clubs. “Do you still sing? What plays did you get to do? And hey! Wait, Ace? Museum guy Ace?—sorry that was a lot of questions, don’t mind me I got excited.”

A wide smile formed on Emilia's face once she wasn't the only one blushing. "Well well, how the tables have turned," she teased. "You see, I would move over, but then you would be squishing my cheeks all night long." She paused, trying to think of the answers to all of her questions. "It's okay. So, one, I sing for fun when I'm by myself in my room and in the car, but that's really it. Two, I helped with set design and stage makeup for Hairspray and Little Shop of Horrors. Three, probably, yeah. He basically lives at Bergamot when he's not at work." She took her phone out of her pocket and pulled up her photos, handing it over to show Lola a recent selfie of her and Ace. "That's him. We've been best friends since he moved here in freshman year of high school."

"This is a cruel fate," Lola said in between laughs as she tried using her hands to cover up her cheek. "Is that such a crime to give you some affection?" She asked, batting her eyelashes cutely at Emilia with the most innocent of smiles. "Let me guess, you're one of those shy singers that sound insanely good, right?" She asked with genuine curiosity. "Wow, I gotta say, I'm pretty impressed," Lola grinned. At the picture her eyes widened. "Holy shit, what a small world! I actually ran into him at the museum actually. We were talking about Botticelli's Venus painting and the alphabet mafia."

"Yes, yes it is," she joked back. "I, uh, no. I don't think I'm that good. I never got solos or anything like that. I'm just a plain old alto." As per usual, Emilia wasn't giving herself enough credit. The main reason why she never got solos in choir was because she didn't kiss the choir teacher's ass like some of her classmates. "Oh yeah! He told me about that. I, uh, may have mentioned you to him a few times..." By 'a few times,' she meant 'more times than she wanted to admit.' At this point, Emilia could only assume that Ace was tired of hearing about her not-so-hopeless-anymore crush. When the waiter came over to take their orders, Emilia greeted the familiar face and immediately started making small talk with him in Spanish.

"Well, consider me a criminal then," Lola reached over to go lightly squeeze Emilia's cheek with a grin. "Really? Hm...I'd ask you to try me right now, but I don't want you to feel uncomfortable but, if you ever want to, I'd want to hear the 'plain old alto' for myself, if that's okay?" She offered with a soft smile. She didn't want to directly put Emilia on the spot like that, but she had a feeling the other girl underestimated herself. "O-Oh! Well, I hope I made a good first impression on your best friend then," She smiled bashfully. When the waiter came over, she watched with a soft smile as Emilia was in her element. While she could understand what they said and could speak it, she knew just out of sheer nervousness she'd fumble over words and be a flustered mess. So she let them catch up.

“I’ll let you get away with it this time because your cute.” Lola’s cute little smile and eyelash batting were driving her crazy. And the fact that she wanted to hear Emilia sing but was understanding enough not to put her on the spot? Forget it. Why is she so perfect? she wondered to herself. “Oh yeah. He laughed about the alphabet mafia thing for at least a whole day.” Emilia and the waiter asked each other about their families and life in general. Emilia, of course, left out the parts about clinicals stressing her out beyond belief. She ordered her usual chicken taco platter and Sprite, then the waiter turned his attention to Lola, asking for her order in English.

"Oooh, you let me get away with that then I think you'll be in trouble soon." Lola was very close to making a very cheesy 'stealing your heart' type of comment, but held herself back from doing so. At least the principle of it was there, or so she thought. "Yeah it was something that I used to throw around in high school until I was able to come out," She chuckled. Lola watched Emilia and her friend exchange their stories with curiosity for a moment until it was finally her turn. She ordered in Spanish and then followed up with, "I grew up in a predominantly Latinx community so and since Italian and Spanish are very similar, I learned pretty quickly."

Both Emilia and the waiter looked over at Lola, surprised. The waiter went off to get their drinks and Emilia asked Lola, “Well damn, why didn’t you tell me sooner? So you know English, Italian, and Spanish? Do you know any other languages?” Blaine was fluent in Italian because of his grandfather, and Emilia was tempted to ask him for lessons. “So backtracking a bit, when did you come out?”

Lola smiled sheepishly and then said, "I didn't want to interrupt the conversation, but it was just cool to just hear it. Almost reminded me of home. And yeah, I speak a little bit of Mandarin and Korean, because of this science trip that I took, but I'm mostly fluent in Italian and Spanish, what about you?" She asked curiously. She definitely hoped she didn't come off as too much of a nerd. "My junior year of high school, so like...two years ago. My mom hugged me and cried and said, 'Thank God, Lola actually enjoys other people's company!'...I didn't vocalize crushes like my siblings did, mostly cause I've always been the quieter one," She admitted with a chuckle.

"I grew up speaking both English and Spanish at home. Spanish was my mom's first language and she wanted me to be fluent too, so she started teaching me both at the same time. I learned ASL in high school, and I still use it with Ace regularly. Aaaand I took a French class last year to fulfill a language credit, but I can't say that I really speak it. I remember, like, a few phrases." Emilia couldn't help but giggle at Lola's story about her coming out experience. "Damn, your mom really turned your coming out into a roasting session."

"That, is so cool! You've honestly got me beat, let's be real. That's so sweet that you picked up on ASL to communicate with Ace, that's true friendship right there," Lola nodded with a proud grin. "Ugh, French. That is such a hard language to learn. All I can say is Je m'appelle Lola and oui oui baguette," She bit her lip, trying to suppress a giggle, but couldn't help but do so. "It wouldn't be a Siciliani family dinner if there wasn't roasting involved. My mom, nonna, and pops, are legends of that."

"Do I have you beat? You know more languages than I do. But yeah, I wanted to be able to talk to him in a way that made him comfortable. Plus I thought signing would be a good skill to have." Ace was the only person she regularly signed with, though she was able to sign with a patient during one of her clinical rotations last week and she felt accomplished because of it. "Right? French is weird. There's so many letters in the words and they only pronounce half of them! What gives?" She giggled at the 'oui oui baguette' comment. "I remember 'omelette du fromage,' from Dexter's Laboratory." Emilia smiled at her fondly. "Is this what I have to look forward to one day? Roasting?"

“Yes you do. I think learning sign language holds the upper hand to the amount that I know, you know? I think sign language should be something everyone should know,” She grinned. “I love that for you both though. And um, I’d be willing to learn if you’re town to teach me?” she asked with a cute grin, but she meant it. She’d love to learn sign language especially to make Ace feel more comfortable. “Exactly! Like what is even that language? It’s like alphabet soup or something!” Lola laughed alongside with Emilia and gasped excitedly at the Dexter’s Laboratory reference. “Oh my god, yes!!! That one is a classic, it’s honestly the first French phrase I learned,” she admitted with a laugh. “Yes, and once you’re comfortable enough with us, get ready to get roasted.”

“Oh yeah, I can definitely teach you some stuff! Ace would probably do it too. Just tell me when.” She knew Ace would be willing to do it, but didn’t know if he had the time to do it. “Just a heads up, the ASL grammar rules can get a little funky. Frustrating is what it is! When a word ends in -er, -ez, or e with an accent, they all sound like the letter a! How does that make sense?” She huffed dramatically. “I think it might be the first phrase a lot of people in our generation learned.” She laughed nervously at the mention of getting roasted. “Oh, fun.”

"That would be really great! I mean, whenever you both are free, of course. I know schedules can be all over the place and everything," Lola mused with a grin. She was excited at the offer, but she also didn't want to push it either. "Wait what?! Really?! So how do you differentiate whether -er, -ez, or -e to not sound like a?" She asked curiously. "Definitely! I mean Dexter's Lab was one of the most iconic shows of our time between that and the Powerpuff Girls," She chuckled and then shook her head. "Don't worry, we don't start it right off the bat. We take it easy until you're ready."

“We’ll figure something out.” She smiled at Lola, reaching out for her hand. “Fuck if I know!” she answered with a laugh. She liked to think about her French class— and the B- she got in it— as little as possible. “Oh my God, the Powerpuff Girls is my absolute favorite!” She still watched reruns of it to this day. It was one of her comfort shows. “Not the 2016 reboot though. We don’t talk about the 2016 reboot.”

Lola nodded and reached for Emilia's hand with a big smile. "French is truly the weirdest language, I'm convinced," She laughed. "Wait really?! Me too! The Powerpuff Girls practically got me through my first exams last semester, I don't know what I would've done," She explained with a chuckle. "No, absolutely not the 2016 reboot doesn't exist. Although, I have to ask, which one's your favorite?"

"No way! That's crazy," she exclaimed. "That's really your favorite cartoon too? God, it's like you get more perfect the more I get to know you." She had to have some flaw. Everything about her felt too good to be true. "Nope, it never happened. Neither did Teen Titans GO... Which one is my favorite? I think I'd have to say Buttercup. I've always wished I could be a badass like Buttercup, but really I'm just a big ol' softy like Bubbles. Not that that's necessarily a bad thing, just a true thing. If you were a Powerpuff Girl, I think you'd be Blossom. You have that natural-born leader vibe about you."

"Yeah! I mean, I'm definitely far from perfect, though, that's for sure," Lola admitted with a sheepish grin. While it made her heart swell that Emilia thought so highly of her...she often thought of herself as someone who was often closed off from the world. "Teen Titans GO is honestly homophobic, I'm convinced. The light-heartedness, the lack of dark aesthetic...what's the point?" She shook her head with a sigh. "Well for what it's worth, you look like older Buttercup, you've just got Bubbles' spirit, and that's okay. Besides, Bubbles proved herself to be pretty hardcore which scared Blossom and Buttercup," She smirked. "Well...since you said I'm Blossom..." She trailed off as she pulled her phone out, scrolled for a few moments and slid over a picture. "Blossom is my favorite Powerpuff Girl so my mom dressed me up as her for Halloween, especially since my hair's more on the reddish side, like my nonna."

Emilia didn't want to push it, but she honestly though Lola was perfect. "Right?! Like, what was even the point of rebooting that show? They made everyone less hot and more annoying!" She had a huge crush on Raven as a child, but didn't realize at the time that dating girls was even an option for her. "I do? Let me guess, because of the green eye/dark hair combo? I get my hair from my mom, and I guess I get my eyes from my dad. I never met the guy, but my mom's family is full of brown-eyed people, so by default, it has to be from him." Emilia's jaw dropped when Lola showed her the Halloween costume pictures. "Lola, that is the cutest shit I've ever seen! Oh my God! Look at your little bow, and your little dress! Ahhhh!"

Lola nodded with enthusiasm, "Yes! Thank you! I honestly don't understand why they took away the appeal of it all...and I swear if you tell me that Raven and Beast Boy were your faves, I might have to run and buy a ring." Lola was pretty sure between Raven, Beast Boy, Megan Fox, and Sebastian Stan, that they were her bi-awakening, but, it also wasn't something that she had expressed out loud either. Her crushes, were often very, very quiet. "Guilty as charge, but also, and don't hate me, but you have the most attractive rbf. That's what really sold it to me." At the mention of Emilia's father, Lola's head tilted curiously. This was the first time she had ever heard him mention, and frankly...she wasn't really sure if she should ask. She didn't want to make things awkward or make Emilia feel uncomfortable. "Well, green eyes or brown eyes, I still find you pretty," She smiled softly. "Oh god," She giggled, feeling her face heat up again. "I didn't think you'd gush that hard over little me!"

She paused for a moment, flustered by the ring comment. “Oh, uh, Raven and Robin... but I guess one out of two isn’t bad?” She couldn’t exactly pinpoint who or what her pansexual awakening was, as there were several different factors at play. But she knew pretty cartoon characters definitely played some sort of role. “Wait, do I really have an rbf?!” Emilia thought of herself as a generally happy person, despite the fact that her smile was a source of insecurity. “I appreciate that. You already know I think you’re really pretty. I see that look on your face. You can ask questions if you want to. I don’t mind answering.” Though she didn’t talk about her biological father often, the topic was no longer a sore subject for her. She had made peace with the fact that she didn’t know the man and probably never would. “What can I say? You’re just that cute!” she exclaimed, smiling back at her.

Lola chuckled at Emilia's reaction, she truly was endearing. "Yeah, that's still grounds for being wifed up, that's for sure," She teased once more. She was lucky neither of her siblings were around hearing what she was saying because she'd definitely be given shit for it. "You do when you're really focused on something, but--and you're probably going to roast me on this, but I find it really attractive on you. Especially like...the moment when someone catches your attention, it melts away and you smile and your eyes go from laser beams to little stars...wow, that's such a simp thing to say," She said aloud, her face, officially, as pink as the bracelets on her wrist, but it was the truth. It was what she admired most about the brunette. "Thank you," She chuckled. "Okay, I'll only ask if you're comfortable with me asking, however. I don't want to bring up anything sour or make you feel like backed to a wall or anything," She offered. "Not as cute as you," She grinned, wiggling her eyebrows.

"Huh, if I had known that, I would've put it in my Tinder bio! Just kidding, I don't have Tinder," she stated, laughing nervously. She was too nervous for dating apps. If she did use a dating app, she would have to do what she does with her OnlyFans and pretend to be someone else-- a much more confident someone else-- and she didn't like the idea of lying to a potential partner. With OnlyFans, she wasn't trying to find someone, she was just trying to get paid. Emilia once again found herself flustered at Lola's compliments. Lola's words flowed like a poem. She wondered to herself, How was she this perfect? "I think... that might be the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me?" She noticed the other girl's blush, but didn't want to embarrass her by bringing attention to it. "I honestly don't mind talking about it. I mean, I might not have great answers because I really don't know the guy, but it doesn't bother me," she replied, shrugging. "Oh hush. You're cuter."

Lola couldn't help but burst out laughing at Emilia's comment about Tinder. Even if she did or didn't have one, she had to admit it was pretty clever. Although, she, herself only lasted a day on Tinder before deleting her profile. It wasn't something she bragged about after the many unwanted dick pics she got. She shook her head at the thought. "Wait really?" She tilted her head curiously at Emilia. How could no one tell her how pretty she was? How bright her smile was and the way she laughed could echo in one's head all day. "Well, I guess I should just share more of what I think when I see you over time, huh?" Lola meant every word about her, too. "And, you just answered my question," She giggled. "For what it's worth, your mom did one hell of an amazing job raising you, and kudos to your step-dad, too," She smiled. "Oh, so we're just gonna have that battle on who's cuter, is that what I'm gathering," Lola teased, moving her fingers up Emilia's arm playfully.

“Well yeah,” she admitted. “I mean, people have complimented me before. But it’s usually just surface level stuff. Nothing like that. That right there was pure poetry. You should start writing this stuff down. Maybe you’ll get a poetry award one day.” She knew on a conscious level that there were people who found her attractive. She wouldn’t have subscribers if they didn’t. But the ghosts of bullies past still haunted her to this day. She often thought about the classmates who made fun of her weight, her overbite, and the fact that she sometimes would slip into Spanish by accident. She thought about the girls in her dance class who made fun of her for being ugly and wearing hand-me-downs, and because she had to quit because her mom didn’t have the money to afford the classes. She thought about her ex-boyfriend, who never outright insulted her, but didn’t care about her feelings or interests. But Lola was different. But it had her wondering why. Why was she being so nice to her? Did she have an ulterior motive? Or was Emilia just traumatized and in need of genuine human kindness? As she got lost in her own thoughts, she heard speaking and felt her arm being touched, but wasn’t retaining what was being said or what was going on. She focused back in, asking, “Sorry, I zoned out a bit. What was that last part?”

Lola smiled a little and shrugged, "I've never really written poetry before but...I guess I could give it a whirl. Maybe I could ask AJ to help me. He's really big on poetry. Just so you know if I win that award, you'll be the first I thank." As she continued talking, she could tell that something about Emilia was off. The way she suddenly fell silent rang alarm bells in the back of Lola's mind and so she stood up and walked over to sit next to her, closing the space of the table in between them. It wasn't something she often did, but, she knew it struck something in Emilia and the last thing she wanted was for Emilia to be sad. It made Lola wonder as she quietly brought her hand to Emilia's cheek, why in the world would someone want to hurt someone as sweet as her? "I'm sorry if that struck a nerve, Em," She said quietly. "I just...wanted to say that I really admire you."

“It’s okay. You didn’t do anything wrong. I guess my brain is still resetting from earlier...” She still wasn’t 100% after her earlier panic attack. This whole day was a rollercoaster, and she felt as if she had just hit a sudden death drop. She took a deep breath before finally admitting, “Lola, I honestly don’t understand why you’re so nice to me. I appreciate it, really, but I don’t feel like I deserve it.”

"That's okay, you can take your time. Today took a toll on you so I can't expect you to magically be better, but I do want to be here for you too," Lola offered with a soft smile. Anxiety wasn't fun and she could speak it from experience, although she was one to bury her emotions deep down and not really show it to others, that was a different story for a different day, however. "I mean, you were nice to me the day we met, you know? Aside from having a crush on you, you were my first friend here, someone that I could easily relate to. Why do you feel undeserving of kindness?"

“Thanks,” she mumbled, taking Lola’s hand into hers and squeezing it. Emilia wanted to be okay. She wanted to enjoy herself. At minimum, she wanted to put on a brave face and swallow down her thoughts so Lola could enjoy herself. That wasn’t happening though. She could only hope that Lola didn’t feel burdened by her outbursts and shifting moods. When Lola asked why she felt undeserving of kindness, she froze. It was only a matter of time before this question came up. She hesitated before answering, “I-I guess it’s because I’m not used to it. My brain is constantly fluctuating between the thoughts of ‘you’re ugly and no one will ever like you because of that’ and ‘you’re attractive but people will only ever like you for your body.’ And it’s like a metronome that swings back and forth, never stopping in the middle... Wow, I feel like I’m in therapy.”

"I got you, Em," She smiled, lightly squeezing Emilia's hand to reassure her. Lola knew it was hard to keep everything contained, to keep a brave face without feeling like everything just kept getting chipped away. All she wanted to do was be there for Emilia, throughout the ups and downs, the good, the bad, and the ugly. While Lola wasn't the best at handling her own emotions, she was pretty good at being there for when others needed her, and this time, was no different. "Hey, what you're feeling is valid. I mean, whoever made you feel like that sucks and deserves to be kicked into a canyon Sparta style, but, your feelings are valid. That doesn't make you undeserving, though. You are beautiful, inside and out, and you're more than your body...and, I'll remind you every single day that you're worthy if I need to. Cause I care about you."

She squeezed Lola’s hand again, needing the grounding input. The urge to kiss her returned, stronger than before. However, this was interrupted by Juan the waiter bringing their food to the table. She looked over at him, stating, “Muchas gracias!” She then turned back to Lola and spoke. “I care about you too. Thank you, for everything. I can’t even express in words how much I appreciate everything you do for me. You know if you ever need to talk about anything that I’m here for you, right?”

Click here for Part 2

#Lola Siciliani #this isn't finished yet but it's already super long so we figured it would be a good idea to post what we have so far #like and subscribe for part 2 xoxo #self para

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charincharge · 3 years

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I Don't Want To Wait, forty-six

rowaelin high school bffs au masterlist

AN: We're baaaaack. In case you missed it, chapters will no longer have tag lists (tumblr desktop has decided on limiting the amount of tags to 50 per post, and that just doesn't work for me!). If you want updates, the easiest way is to put this account on notification or subscribe to my A03 page. Alright, without further ado, let's get back to the story!

. . .

Dear Rowan,

Surprise! As I write this, you are in the other room with my dad and Lorcan, trying to do some hundred pushup challenge. And, I had to excuse myself to write this letter to sneak into your bag before you leave tomorrow morning, first because I don’t want to waste a second of time, and second… you might have looked a little too good doing pushups. You’re getting really strong. Do you think you could do a push up with me on your back? I bet after this summer is over you’ll be able to. Sigh. I can’t believe you’re going to be gone the whole summer. I miss you so much already, and you’re not even gone yet. I want to hear every detail of your summer, okay? No detail is too small. And I’ll tell you all about how lifeguarding goes, too. Speaking of, I’ve included a picture of me in my uniform, since you won’t be here to see it in person. I was going to text it to you, but I decided I should print it out so you can keep it next to your bed. That way, any girl who walks into your room will know you are NOT available. I love you, Ro. Write me back ASAP! (I know you can probably call and email, too, but you promised letters!). Sending you a thousand kisses.

xx, Aelin

. . .

Dear Aelin,

Have I told you lately that you’re the best girlfriend? Because you are. Thank you for the letter and the picture. Leaving you in Orynth felt like leaving part of my heart behind, and I love that you thought to send you with me. Plus, that picture? There aren’t enough words in the dictionary to describe how stunning you are. I can’t believe I’m missing a whole summer of you in that uniform???? Feel free to mail more pictures. It’s a good thing you didn’t text because there is absolutely no cell service here. Apparently, we’re right in the middle of some mountain range, and it makes phone use really spotty. So, I guess it’s good we got this letter sending thing started already. I plan on writing as often as I can, although I’m not sure how much that will be. Our first program event is tonight. We’re going to have evaluations of our playing to see how we’ll be split up into smaller groups for the summer. The schedule is pretty intense. Breakfast at six, lunch at one, and dinner at seven. With practice from 7-1, 2-7, and then gym training from 8-10. I’m tired just thinking about it.

Also, you silly girl, you definitely don’t need to worry about anyone wondering if I’m available. The first thing I did was tell my roommate about you. And there are no girls here. Just an entire floor full of lacrosse-playing dudes. Since the campus is so remote, we’re pretty much the only people here. They’re doing crazy construction here over the summer, so we’re literally some of the only people here. Just us and the construction crew. Haven’t seen another human on campus, and certainly not a female one, haha. But you shouldn’t be worried about that anyway, you know you’re the only person I’ve ever had eyes for. Did you see what I left for you? Your dad promised he’d give the bag of hoodies to you as soon as I left. I hope they bring you a tiny bit of comfort while I’m away. They are ON LOAN, and I’d like them back, though. Okay? Love you a thousand loves. Can’t wait to hear from you. (I want all the mundane details too).

xoxo, Rowan

Postmarked: June 7

. . .

Rowan! Finallllly. Here I was thinking you’d forgotten all about me. Please ignore my last three voicemails when you get them. I was getting stressed that I hadn’t heard from you, even though Aunt Maeve said you were probably just busy and she’d gotten an email from the program director letting the parents all know about the lack of phone use on campus. I can’t believe you don’t have phone service. Do they not have wifi either? What kind of hack college in this training program at? Sorry to be snippy. I just miss you.

I looooove my hoodies, but they’re already losing their scent. Elide has been making fun of me for wearing them every day (because it’s definitely too hot to be wearing a hoodie), but I need them to survive. (It’s extremely cute that you think you’re ever getting them back – sorry, but they’re mine now!).

It’s only been a week, and I feel like I’m going through withdrawals. Every time something happens, I turn to tell you, only to realize you’re not here and getting sad all over again. I did make a list of the most important things to include in my letter though. First, Lorcan officially started his firefighter training! It’s weird going back to the beach and not having him there, but lifeguarding has been pretty fun. The whistle is the absolute best. How did you not tell me how much fun it is to have a whistle??? Second, Rhoe has started letting me practice driving more, and I’m getting SO GOOD! I’m planning on taking the test at the end of the month. Cross your fingers and toes for me, okay? Ugh, and I had more written in my journal to tell you, but I put my iced coffee on the page and can’t read the rest. UGH! This is what I get for having an extra coffee today. I’m sure I’ll remember by our next letter. I await to hear from you with bated breath. Seriously, tell me everything. You’ll have two weeks to tell me about by the time you get this. How’s the dorm, besides having no phone service? The food? Your roommate? Do you have just one or more than one? What small group did you end up getting into? Is the schedule as intense as you thought it’d be? Paint me a picture so I feel like I’m there, please. I miss you so much. I miss your kisses so much. Where are my thousand kisses, huh? I thought you’d send some back. Sending you a thousand more.

xx, Aelin

Postmarked: June 14

. . .

Dear Aelin,

I’m so sorry for not sending you back kisses. I’m hoarding them and storing up all my kisses to give to you in person. I don’t want to become completely depleted of kisses. What would happen to me then? I’d probably shrivel up and die. Your kisses are the only thing powering me through this week. When they said Lacrosse Intensive, they weren’t messing around. There’s never a moment of the day where I’m not playing, learning strategy or working out. The thought of kissing you is the only thing that keeps me going. Which… all the guys in my group have figured out, and they really enjoy giving me a hard time. It’s my own fault for hanging up that picture of you next to my bed and talking about you nonstop. I should have known better. You look too hot in your lifeguard uniform. It should be illegal. And all the guys know it, too.

Actually, I’d like to send you a blanket apology for ever having to deal with teenage boys. Myself included. We are all disgusting. So, so disgusting. I thought I had a pretty dirty imagination when it came to you, but the stuff these guys say is so much worse than I could possibly have ever come up with. The things that come out of their mouths should never ever be repeated. It turns out living with dudes 24/7 is gross. We’re always hungry or horny, and we smell so bad (the constant training isn’t helping that and the water pressure in our showers is barely a trickle). Please pass my apologies onto Aunt Maeve, too, please.

Okay, I’m sorry to keep this kind of short, but I’ve got to run back to practice. I love you so much.

xoxo, Rowan

PS – Good luck on your drivers test!

Postmarked: June 21

. . .

My dearest Rowan,

You are officially hearing from a licensed driver!!!! Yup, I did it. I passed. On the first try. Everyone is extremely proud of me. (Especially my dad). To celebrate, a bunch of us are going to the drive-in tonight. I get to drive! It’s the Princess Bride. I’m going to spend the entire time quoting it and annoying the crap out of Manon and Elide I’m sure, but I can’t help it. Did I tell you that Manon has started coming to the beach in the skimpiest bikinis I’ve ever seen? She and Elide aren’t back together yet, but if Elide’s staring is any indication, it’s only a matter of time. But for now they’re “friends” who stare at each others’ boobs a lot, haha.

So, you have a dirty imagination when it comes to me, hmmm? I hope you’re taking notes from your camp friends because I wouldn’t mind putting any of that into action. … you are making friends, right? You haven’t mentioned anyone. Should I be worried? know you’re training most of the time, but they’re not all bad, are they?

Speaking of new friends, I’ve been hanging out a lot with Chaol and Dorian? They’re in charge of the snack shack this year, and befriending them has gotten me many a free ice cream sandwich. They’re actually coming to the movie tonight, too. I’ve only really spent time with them in my science classes before now (well, besides that awful Homecoming date with Chaol) – I didn’t realize how funny they are. I know you think Chaol is kind of a stick in the mud, but Dorian is so wild, they balance each other out. And they’ve been friends for just as long as we have, and it’s nice to have someone who understands that. We’ve been having a lot of fun. They’re also the only ones who aren’t sick of me talking about you, too, so I really appreciate that.

Because I talk about you….alllll the time. Every little thing that happens I find some way to relate it back to you. Like, the other day Dorian brought a chocolate pudding cup, and I started laughing hysterically remembering how when we were in middle school you bet me ten bucks I couldn’t eat the whole cup in one bite. I did it successfully, but then you made a funny face, and I snorted and chocolate pudding came out my nose. It hurt so bad, but it was worth it. I can’t believe you still like me after you’ve seen chocolate pudding come out of my nose. Have I mentioned lately that I love you and miss you terribly? Sending you a thousand more kisses (don’t want you to become depleted of kisses!).

xx, Aelin

Postmarked: June 28

. . .

Ace, we’re officially at the halfway mark.

In five weeks, I’ll be back home in Orynth. And honestly, I can’t wait. I didn’t realize how hot the south was. Yesterday was over 115 degrees, and we still trained all day. I fell asleep as soon as I finished in the gym last night. I didn’t even shower (I know, I’m disgusted with myself, too, but I did warn you that this camp was making me more disgusting right?). I did wake up early this morning to get one in before breakfast, but I don’t know why I bothered. It’s already up to 100 degrees and the sun is barely out yet. So… mundane details? The food is pretty solid. Nothing like Maeve’s, of course, but acceptable. Or maybe I’m just so hungry that it doesn’t matter to me anymore. I think I’m going through a growth spurt or something – I’ve never been this hungry in my life. Last night I had three plates of meatloaf. I don’t even like meatloaf!

I laughed extremely hard at your letter. Yes, of course I remember the pudding cup incident. And believe it or not, it made me love you even more. Because you didn’t care about laughing and looking ridiculous in front of me. You’re adorable, even with pudding coming out of your nose. Mm… now I want pudding. See?! Hungry. All the time. I think I have some almonds in my desk. Sorry, that’s not important. Moving on to much more important things.

CONGRATS ON YOUR LICENSE!!!! Can’t wait to have you drive me around for a change ;)

Yes, I am making friends. I actually really like my roommate. His name is Vaughn, and he’s from up north, too. He’s in a pretty serious relationship, too, so we get each other. He’s the only one who hasn’t made a lewd comment about your bathing suit pic. He’s got another friend here from his lacrosse team, Malakai, and we’re all in the same small group, so we hang out a fair amount.

Oh! I forgot to tell you – you’ll never guess who came as a junior coach for the second half of the summer? You really will never guess, so I’ll just tell you. Nox fucking Owens. YEAH! That one. The one responsible for the disaster of last summer. I told him that we were together now, and he didn’t seem surprised in the slightest. He said he always knew you were my girl. Pretty sure I gasped when he said that. Gods, sometimes I think about last year and feel so dumb all over again. Let’s never be that dumb ever again, okay? Pinky promise and seal with a kiss?

Anyway, He played for Rifthold last year, but I guess Antica is trying to recruit him, so he’s testing out their program by helping coach us. I forgot what a good player is. I spent so much of last year irrationally hating him, but he’s actually pretty cool. Shut up, I know you’re laughing at me. I can hear it from here.

So, Manon and Elide are back on? I have to say I’m slightly surprised Lorcan didn’t make a move on Elide when they were broken up. How is he, by the way? He’s been missing from your updates. Is everything okay with you guys? You’re not fighting, are you?

I love you and am sending you back a handful of kisses (can’t give them all away). Halfway, halfway, halfway. We got this. Okay, sending more kisses. I think we both need them.

xoxo, Rowan

Postmarked: July 5

. . .

Ace, I know I just talked to you today (and I also sent you a letter last week so I’m doubling up), but I had to write to you again. Hearing your voice was absolutely magical. I don’t even care that I missed out on our day at the amusement park (though, I owe Vaughn and Malakai a hundred pushups since I stupidly bet them I wouldn’t be distracted by my phone – I didn’t think there’d actually be service, since we weren’t going that far away from campus!). But, baby, it was completely worth it just to hear you talk. I could have listened to your voice forever.

I still can’t believe you’re driving. Am I even going to recognize you when I come back, seeing you behind the wheel? What car have you been driving? I didn’t even ask. Rhoe’s? Wait, have you been driving my jeep? …I know I said you could, but I kind of meant when I was there so I could see it. The idea of you driving my car is, uh… pretty sexy. And I’d like to be there to see it. Damn it, now I’m imagining it. Yeah. Sexy.

I’m glad you and Lorcan aren’t fighting – although it does kindaaa sound like you’re maybe jealous of him a little bit? (Don’t shoot the messenger!). I think it’s sweet. I know you’re still mad that he grabbed the phone from you, but it was nice to hear him too. It sounds like fire academy is kicking his ass as much as lacrosse is kicking mine. Don’t be too hard on him. He loves you, too, you know. He just shows it in weird ways sometimes… like annoying the crap out of you. It’s nice to know that things aren’t changing THAT much with me gone.

Okay, well, nothing much has happened since I talked to you earlier that I need to update you on. You’re pretty much caught up. I had McDonalds for dinner and feel a little nauseous (it’s been way too long since I had fast food, I forgot how greasy it is, how do you eat that shit?). I hope I’ll be able to sleep tonight, but I honestly feel so wired after talking to you, I’ll probably be up all night thinking about you.

I love you so much, Aelin. I’m so glad you’re having a good summer and not just moping around (I knew you wouldn’t – if anyone around here is going to be moping, it’s definitely me, but I don’t have time to mope unfortunately). Okay, I love you. Did I already say that? Sorry. I can’t help it. I want to say it over and over and over. I love you I love you I love you. Sending you a thousand kisses (I’m all loaded up on your voice so I have extra kisses to send).

Alright, uh… I have a situation I have to go deal with now that I keep thinking about kissing you. Okay, maybe I’m thinking about more than kissing you. Have I told you how much I miss you today? (Kidding, I know I told you about a thousand times).

xoxo, Rowan

Postmarked: July 12

. . .

ROWAN!!!!

I’m still riding high from hearing your voice today. I honestly can’t believe it – it feels like a dream. When I saw your name flash on my phone I thought for sure I was hallucinating. I can’t tell you how relieved I am that I’m not insane, and that I got to hear all about your summer so far. I’m so glad they finally gave you all a real day off, and I hope you finally went on a few of the rides with the boys instead of letting me talk your ear off. And I know you told me not to apologize, but I feel terrible! You were supposed to have a day off, full of fun!

I love that you are making friends. Vaughn and Malakai sounded extremely nice – you didn’t need to snap at them for giving you a hard time for calling me as soon as you had a bar of phone service. They wanted to hang out with you! I don’t blame them – I wish I could hang out with you, too. Only a month now until you come home.

Lorcan wants me to tell you AGAIN that he’s incredibly offended I haven’t been including him in my letters to you (it’s not my fault that he’s insufferable since he got into the fire academy – all he does is go on runs with my dad and hang out in my kitchen eating us out of house and home! Not the most interesting of updates). Seriously, if someone had told me last year that Lorcan’s new bff would be MY DAD, I would have called them a liar. But they’re almost as inseparable as we are – it’s so annoying. I didn’t ask for an older brother! I’m supposed to be the only child! The favorite! You need to come back and set things right again, okay?

I miss you so much – I didn’t know I could miss someone as much as I miss you. But tonight I’m going to sleep with your voice echoing through my mind, so I know I’ll sleep well. Love you love you love you love you.

SWAK (that means Sealed With A Kiss), Aelin

Postmarked: July 12

. . .

Dear Aelin,

I thought hearing your voice would make me feel better, but getting that small taste of you has sent me into a spiral of hopelessness. I miss you so much more than I thought, and my ability to pretend has run out.

Each morning, I wake, staring at your face, longing for the days to pass quicker, and return to bed feeling even more restless that I can’t smell your shampoo or taste the berry flavor of your chapstick and the faint sweetness of your tongue. I think about all the times I felt your soft skin beneath my fingers, grasping at air and wondering if it wasn’t just some incredibly vivid dream. Your curves live imprinted on the insides of my eyelids, taunting me, knowing I’m too far away to reach them. My imagination runs wild under the cover of darkness, thinking of what lies beneath the thick straps of your lifeguard uniform, and what would happen if they slipped off your shoulder. The memory of your flesh appears and then disappears, the edges blurring until they disappear into a dream-like fog. I’ve lost my grasp.

I am in hell without you – destined to be tortured until the day I can wrap my arms around your waist and pull you against me solidly, and be reassured that you are real, that you are mine. I long to press my lips against the crook of your neck and inhale. When I see you again, I don’t plan on letting you go. Ever.

Three weeks, my love.

xoxo, Rowan

Postmarked: July 19

. . .

Ummmmm…. Ro, as much as I love your flowery words and sexy poetry (which, I really do, more of that please), I know you. What’s really going on? Sorry for the short letter, but I’m running late to work, and your last letter (though beautiful) was deeply concerning. Talk to me, drama queen. What’s up?

xx, Aelin

Postmarked: July 26

. . .

Ace,

How are you so in tune with me that you can read between the lines and get to my core? I wasn’t going to talk about it (because I’m so fucking nervous), but since you called me out, I guess I have no choice, huh?

We’re in the last stretch of camp – which is awesome. I’m so tired and sore, I can’t wait to go home and take a long Epsom salt bath (or maybe recruit you to give me a massage? A man can dream). But, I’m not going to lie, I’ve also gotten pretty damn good at lacrosse. I mean, obviously. That sounds so stupid to say. But, when we do scrimmages, Coach Sartaq has started putting me in the group of strongest players. Even Nox said he’s impressed with my improvement, and he thought I was already pretty good. I guess I didn’t really think about it, but I’ve always been a pretty good player. But now? It’s like… next level. My speed has increased a ton, and my footwork is second nature now. I’ve never really had anything come easily to me before, and it’s weird how much this game feels a part of me now. I always knew I wanted to play in college, but I never really thought about how it would all play out.

Coach Sartaq sat us down and let us know that for our last week of the intensive, he’s invited scouts from all the college lacrosse teams to have a first look at our playing. That means I have coaches coming to watch me play and see if they want me to join their college team. A LOT of them.

I knew that was going to happen at some point – they told me when I agreed to come to the intensive that scouts would be looking at my playing, but they lulled me into a false sense of security with these long ass, hot days and endless practices. My mind became so numb, everything became so routine, and I became so utterly exhausted that I forgot the whole purpose of this camp. Recruitment for college.

I’m kind of freaking out. I wish you were here to calm me down. I know we’ve talked about college a little bit, but this could be THE moment for me, you know? I could come back to Orynth knowing where I’m going to college, with a recruitment letter in my hand. Which is insane to think about. I thought I’d just be sending tape from last season out to the scouts. I didn’t think that they’d come to see me play now. It’s not like I’ve never been watched by scouts before. They came to a few games last season and the season before, but I never knew they were there until after I was finished playing, so I didn’t have time to get in my head about my playing. Now, I’m so far in my head I don’t know that I can see a way out.

What if no one wants me? What if I fuck up my playing because I’m so nervous and I miss my shot to get recruited? What am I going to do if I don’t get recruited? That’s my one shot at college. The restaurant doesn’t make that much. We’re comfortable, but it’s not like she has tons saved for college. If I mess it up, I won’t be able to afford to go. There’s no backup plan. Aunt Maeve has been banking on this. It just feels like a lot of pressure. And then, what about you? What if I get recruited to a college that you hate? What if that’s my only option? Or one really far away? I don’t know why I didn’t spend more time thinking about this. I’m really nervous, Aelin. I know I don’t usually talk about my feelings that much – I didn’t realize how much I had stored up about this until it became a reality. And now the reality is coming closer and closer, and, yeah, I’m just really freaking out.

They’re coming next week. My entire future could be decided NEXT WEEK. So, yeah, I’m fucking terrified. I’d much rather think about how much I miss kissing you than fucking up my entire future. What happens if I fuck everything up?

I wish I could call you. I wasn’t kidding about hearing your voice. It soothes me. I think you’re the only one who can help me when I get like this. I’m trying to imagine what you’d say. Probably something like – don’t be dumb, Ro, you’re being completely irrational! Am I close? Wait, no – maybe something a little more encouraging to follow that up – like, I’ve worked hard and my playing has never been better, and whatever happens happens and we’ll figure it out. Right? If I concentrate hard enough, I can almost hear you saying it. And I can definitely see you rolling your wide blue eyes at me.

God, I miss your eyes. The picture I have of you doesn’t nearly do them justice (plus, I end up looking at your cleavage a lot more than I should admit – please burn this letter so your dad can never see it). But I miss your eyes. They change color depending on your mood. Did you know that? I can always tell when you’re mad because the yellow ring around your iris gets a little bigger and it flickers like I’m looking at the tendrils of a fire. And when you’re sad, the blue deepens, so it looks almost blue-grey, like a stormy sea. And when you laugh, they’re the clearest turquoise like the tropical waters of the southern continent and the yellow turns almost golden, warmer, like honey. How’s that for poetry? It’s the most I can do right now in my current state of panic, so I hope it’ll do. I promise you’ll get much more in the future. I could wax poetic about you forever.

Okay, I feel slightly calmer just having told you. Thank you for pressing. I love that you know me better than anyone else. That you could tell just through a letter that something was up. Hoarding your kisses until I see you next. I’m going to need them to get through the next two weeks.

I can do this, right? (Lie to me).

Missing you more than I can even say.

xoxo, Rowan

Postmarked: August 2

. . .

Oh, Rowan, I’m so sorry you’ve been going through this all by yourself. I wish I could call you and calm you down, but you did a pretty good impression of me. That’s exactly what I would say – eye roll included.

But I wish I could do more. When I got your letter and saw how many pages it was, I nearly fell off my chair. I love you, but you’re not the most talkative human I’ve ever met, and you certainly don’t share your feelings so easily. I’m glad you got it all out (all five pages back and front!). But I have a little bit more to say, so hold on, okay?

You are one of the most amazing, spectacularly talented humans I’ve ever met. You were the only sophomore who made the Varsity lacrosse team, and you were MVP in your junior championship game. You were so talented that you got invited to a super exclusive, fancy shmancy program all summer, and like you said, your skills have only improved since then. You’re going to knock those recruiters all on their butts. They’re going to be fighting hand over foot trying to get you to go to their college. You’re nervous you’re going to blow it? I’m not. I’m nervous that you’re going to come back with multiple offers from the best colleges in the world, each one better than the last. Because you know that’s what’s going to happen, Ro. They’re going to love you. They’re going to be offering you the world to try and get you to go to their school. Just make sure you don’t forget about me when you’re a top college athlete, okay? I knew you when, and I always knew you’d succeed.

I hope this reaches you before the recruiters come so you know I’m crossing all my fingers and toes for you and sending good vibes into the universe (can you feel them?).

Seriously, you’re going to crush it. I’m not worried about you at all. Just take a deep breath and have a good look at my cleavage (heheh) and let all the stress fall away. You got this. TWO THUMBS UP!!!!

And if you need a bit of a distraction, here’s one – Lysandra’s back. I hadn’t seen her all summer, but I ran into her while I was filling up the jeep with gas (yes, I’ve been driving your jeep, I’m sorry, I swear I’m being SO CAREFUL – I just love it so much, it smells like you and Maeve said it was fine!). Anyway, back to Lys. She was there filling up her mom’s Range Rover and totally avoiding eye contact with me, so I wasn’t going to be the first to say anything. I tried reaching out to her and she made it super clear that I was not going to be forgiven, but get this – as she was finishing, she looked up at WAVED at me before getting back into the car. Can you believe it??? She looked okay. She cut her hair, but it looks healthier. She looks healthier. I don’t really know what to make of it all. That’s a positive, right? That she waved? She could have gone on ignoring me, but she didn’t. I’m taking it as a good omen.

We’re going to go into senior year knowing where we’re going to college and surrounded by the best friends, and it’s all going to be perfect and amazing. You’re coming home SO SOON!!!! And then good luck ever having me let you out of my sight again ;)

Remember – I’m thinking of you every moment of every day, and you’re going to rock your final week of camp.

SEE YOU NEXT WEEK!!!!

xx, Aelin

Postmarked: August 9

. . .

Dear Aelin,

You were right, per usual. You have a habit of that, hm? This is going to be a short letter because I’m about to hop on a bus back to you, but I couldn’t resist sending one more. This letter thing was pretty fun, but I can’t wait until I can call and text you – I’m going to be blowing up your phone so much, you’re going to have to put me on mute. Just kidding, please don’t do that. I’d be really sad.

Anyway, we’re going to have some things to discuss when I get back because I have some pretty big news. I’m not going to put it in a letter, so you’ll have to wait until you see me face to face, but that’s going to happen before you even get this letter.

I’ll see you TODAY in eight hours. (Longest bus ride everrrrr). I’ll be sure to sleep through the whole thing so I’m awake enough to hang out tonight. Promise.

Love you. Sending you thousands of kisses (I’ll collect when I see you).

xoxo, Rowan

Postmarked: August 16

~*~

#don't forget to put me on notification or subscribe to my AO3 page #rowaelin #rowan x aelin #idwtw au #charincharge writes #tog fanfic #throne of glass fanfic #we'll be back with another update next Monday!#can you tell that i missed yall?#there's a lot that happened this summer and I'm so ready to unpack it with all of you #senior year is hereeeee #let's go team #what team #wildcats #okay i've derailed in the tags #comment like reblog leave notes in my inbox whatever #come interact with meeee #xoxo

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rextasywrites · 3 years

Text

Aftershow - Leon Kennedy x f!reader

with the help of some tricks and your best friend distracting the security guard, you manage to sneak into the after show of the world premiere of “Resident Evil - Infinite Darkness”. It tells the story of federal Agent Leon S. Kennedy, who, after retiring from his career as a federal agent, decided to tackle acting. Ever since you first saw him in “Resident Evil 2”, you were in love with him and couldn’t wait to meet him. So...what would happen at this afterparty?

hey lads i’m back! i hope you enjoy this piece i have been writing the past few days! hope you are doing well xoxo

Warnings: alcohol, smut, Leon being an ass to others sometimes

Your dress clung to your body, making you feel like some overstuffed sausage. It was physically and mentally out of your comfort zone, but your best friend insisted you looked like a million bucks in it, so you begrudgingly purchased it a week before. “But you look fantastic,” your best friend reassured you when you stood before your mirror earlier that night, awkwardly, tugging at the fabric by your hipsMaybe she was right, but currently she was busy with the security guard to give you the chance to meet your idol and celebrity crush, Leon S. Kennedy. You had heard he’d attend the premiere, and posts on social media confirmed the rumours.Not that you’d ever admit to subscribing to notifications from him, though.

The place was filled with Hollywood executives, actors, and actresses from all over the planet, yet you hadn’t spotted your favourite so far. Maybe he was outside smoking? Busy spending time with fans and writing autographs? Who knew… So you made your way past some gossiping actress towards the bar. A simple Sex on the Beach would calm your nerves. You began to zone out as you sipped on the cocktail- that is, until you felt a hand on your shoulder.

“And I thought I had met everyone tonight.”

That voice. That fucking voice. You’d recognize it out of a million, and there he was.

On the barstool next to you sat Leon S. Kennedy, and he was touching you at this very moment.

Before you would answer, you chuckled and took a sip from the cocktail, buying your nerves some more time before you’d answer. “Guess not.”, you said and placed the glass on the bar in front of you. “I’m (Y/N), nice to meet you.”

“I’m Leon, but I’m sure you already knew that, nice to meet you too. (Y/N), what a beautiful name for a beautiful woman. Say, how is it possible that I haven’t spotted you before?”

Uh oh. Quick, think of something.

“Sorry, bad traffic,” you replied, directly quoting a line from his costar in Resident Evil 4. “But I’m here now, and just in time to celebrate you and your new show!”, you smiled and raised your glass, Leon clicking it together with his own beer glass. “Cheers.” You two took big sips from your beverages, Leon’s hand now gravitating towards your knee.

“Say, would you like to join me on the terrace? It’s getting so hot in here.”, Leon said and pointed towards an open door on the other side of the room. The mere thought of being able to spend more time with him made you agree with his idea, and a minute later you two were sitting on the terrace in a porch swing. Leon had bought you another drink. He was such a gentleman, just like you’d always imagined him.. From time to time, people came to congratulate Leon on the success of his new show, wanting to invite him for a drink or more rounds. Yet every time he declined it, saying he already had enough for the evening.

“You weren’t invited, were you?”, Leon asked after some conversation between you two. You had told him a bit about your life, your work, your pets. In return, Leon shared stories of the making of Infinite Darkness, funny bloopers and behind-the-scenes stories you otherwise would never hear. The party had died out by now, it being late and the night becoming colder. Telling him a lie wasn’t an option, so you sighed and nodded. “Thought so. You carry yourself differently.”, Leon said while he lit himself a cigarette, blowing the smoke into the night sky.

“What do you mean?”, confusion was written across your face. Carrying yourself differently?

“Hollywood wankers carry themselves with a confidence that could kill a mortal like us. They think they are invincible, but oh boy they are wrong. You don’t carry that energy about you. You don’t look the type.. How did you get in?”

“My best friend is buddies with the security guard and he owed her a favour.”

“You little minx.”, Leon laughed, taking another drag as his eyes rested on you, taking in your body in this dress you hated, yet in his eyes you were the most beautiful woman in the sea of botox and silicone tits. “If you promise not to spill the whole night on social media, I can show you a whole new world.”, and by the look in his eyes, you both knew the feeling was mutual

The penthouse Leon was renting for his stay in your city was more than just breathtaking. Standing by the front window, you could see the whole city, way beyond the city limits. In the bathroom was, next to a big bathtub, a jacuzzi, and an iced down champagne bucket right next to it. “In Hollywood, money has no meaning. You ever seen Wolf of Wall Street? They weren’t fuckin’ lying when they called money ‘fun coupons’”, he laughed when you first entered the penthouse and your eyes had nearly rolled out. The bedroom alone was bigger than your whole flat, the champagne in that goddamn bucket probably worth more than your rent

“If your eyes get any bigger they’ll fall out of your head!”, Leon laughed as he sat down on the huge sofa, the fireplace warming up the room to a comfortable degree. Yet the dress felt too tight, just ready to be taken off...or was that the alcohol speaking? Leon for the cigar box lying atop the coffee table. He offered you one, but you declined - you didn’t smoke, but the mere view of Leon with a big cigar between his lips, legs spread and dress shirt slightly unbuttoned...it went straight to your core, a view millions of women would kill for, presented in front of you. “Like what you see, little minx?”

“Would it be bad if I didn’t.”, you replied, trying to hide your nerves by being cocky. But Leon wasn’t having any of this. He could see through your mask, trying and failing to hide how badly you wanted to straddle his lap and kiss him senseless, seeing stars and whole new universes. Comes with being an ex cop and agent. No secrets could make it past his eyes.

“Come here”, were Leon’s simple words, yet they had an effect on you and your body, something you'd normally be ashamed to admit. You made your way over to Leon on the sofa and instead of sitting next to him, he patted on his lap. “I want you to be comfortable, and I bet you are the most comfortable on my lap. C’mon, it’s the best seat in the house.”, he smirked and...you couldn’t deny it. His thighs were comfortably big, years of hard training paying off in the form of muscle and rough skin under his suit pants.

You weren’t sure why your head felt like it was spinning - was it the alcohol or the intoxicating smell from Leon? A mixture of his unique scent: whiskey and his cologne, all in a cloud around your nose. You wished you would be able to smell him for the rest of your life. All you knew was that your body screamed for Leon, and his body screamed right back. “Here.”, Leon offered you the glass of scotch he had just poured for himself. “There are three types of liquor. Terrible, not so terrible, or do you want to impress people with your money?”, and with those words, he pressed his lips against yours.

“We shouldn’t be doing this.”

“And yet, here we are.”

Leon had picked you up after another glass or three of scotch, the way to his bedroom clear. You weren’t sure if it was the warmth from the scotch swelling in your chest or the way his muscular arms wrapped around you, but something in you was one wrong- or right- move away from melting away completely. Your legs were wrapped around his hips as well as possible. The slit on your dress helped you, but suddenly Leon stopped in his tracks. “Are you okay?”, you asked, placing a hand on his cheek, but he looked over the bedroom you two just entered… Suddenly he placed you back down on the floor, kicking the door shut and pushing you against it.

“I don’t think I’m gonna make it to the bed.”, he smirked , his soft hands moving down your sides, leaving goosebumps wherever they touched you. Your dress felt too tight, the room too hot - you needed to get out of it quickly! Leon watched your blush grow, this asshole smirk still on his lips. “I love how real you are.”, he muttered as he leaned in, brushing his lips over your pulse point, just enough to draw a soft gasp from your lips.

“What do you mean?”, you asked, puzzled. Leon just chuckled, “Haven’t you noticed? It’s all Photoshopped. All the women at the premiere had the same fucking ass. Same crooked lips from the same quack doctor. The same busted Botox faces, everywhere you go. Yet they think they’re hot shit.”, he whispered, hot air against your even hotter skin. “But you...look at you.”

And you did. You looked down on yourself and saw nothing but imperfections. You looked back to Leon with a frown but he just laughed, “Hollywood is suffocating as fuck, but you’re like a breath of fresh air.. Look at you! You even have stretch marks! I haven’t seen real stretch marks since I put my first step into a studio!”, Leon took a deep breath, his voice shaking as he said his next sentence, “And I want you so fucking badly.”

Only minutes later, Leon had marked you up, hickeys and little bites of pleasure and need covering your upper body, whatever part he could reach. The dress was long gone and you laid on the bed, watching Leon unbuttoning his dress shirt. Underneath the white fabric was a body riddled with scars and old, badly healed wounds. Each and every single one could tell a story you were ready to hear, but right now, all you wanted was Leon and only Leon. And he needed you too.

“Aren’t you fucking gorgeous?”, Leon asked as his hands reached behind you, undoing your bra with a simple movement. This man had disarmed bombs before, of course a bra wouldn’t cause him much trouble. “Look at you…”, he repeated once more once your bra was thrown across the room, landing on some random piece of furniture. You blushed under his hungry eyes, him taking in what would be his in mere minutes. “Spread your legs. I wanna taste you.”

You had an iron grip on Leon’s hair, bucking your hips to meet his touch. More, more, more! You needed more! While Leon’s tongue teased your entrance, he used his hand to hold you down, keeping you in place like the good girl that you had been. Well, had been until his tongue first licked up your folds, taking in the sweetness of your juices. Leon had consumed many different liquors in his life, but only your sweet juices could rival ambrosia, sending his drunken mind into another plane of existence.

“Leon!”, you moaned out the moment his calloused finger brushed over your clit. It had been begging for attention, but Leon - that dick - kept on lapping up your juices, sucking and nibbling carefully on your folds. The movements of his fingers were in a steady rhythm with the ones of his tongue, making your head spin once more. He knew how to play you like a fiddle, making you putty in his hands.

But before you could cum, Leon pulled away, his face covered in your sweet fluids and he licked over his lips with an obscene sound and a dirty smirk on his lips. “I can’t wait to fuck you ‘til you scream my name.”

The condom was put on quickly. Magnum, of course. What else would a guy like him need? The first stroke inside of you made you see stars for the third time in less than an hour, what an impact this man had on you. Leon was still inside of you, not moving until you were adjusted to his size, especially his girth. “You okay?”, he asked, to which you gave him a soft nod. “Yeah, I’ll be alright. It’s just… fuck, you’re big..”

Leon’s ego beamed at your words, and once you gave him the okay to continue, it was very hard for him to hold back in any way. You were too tight, too sweet, making him nearly burst on the spot. Instead, his mind wandered...but you were always part of those thoughts.

The wet noises of sex, lust, and unadulterated passion filled the room, along with soft panting and groans coming from you two, a noise as old as humankind. Your arms were tightly wrapped around Leon’s body, leaving behind tiny marks when you needed to hold onto him, your nails digging into his skin. Leon hissed at the stings but fuck, knowing you were marking him up too made him even harder, harder than he had ever been.

“Fuck, you feel so good.”, Leon moaned against your neck and buried his head there for a moment. All you could do was nod in agreement, not trusting your voice anymore. Leon reached down at this, pressing his palm between you two, against your clit. You needed this feeling, you were begging for your release.

“Come on, cum for me.”, Leon growled when he felt the first contractions around his cock. The needy undertone of his voice was the last thing you needed to push yourself over the edge. “Leon!”, you moaned and came around him, stilling in your movements. Leon rocked his hips a few more times before his own release overcame him, spilling into the condom as you milked him inside of you. It felt too good to be true, but Leon was real.

Once your high started to fade and the contractions lessened, Leon leaned in for a quick kiss, stealing it from your open lips as you tried to catch your breath again. You smiled up to him, loosening your grip around him. “That was great.”, you smiled and Leon dropped next to you after pulling out.

In the early morning hours, you woke up to an empty bed. Leon’s side was cold and you sat up, looking around in confusion. Where was he? He wouldn’t leave you alone, would he? Finally, you spotted him on the balcony and you quickly threw on one of the jackets laying around along with your panties.

“Good morning.”, you smiled at Leon, who was taking a drag from his cigarette. He greeted you while blowing the hot smoke out, then held up his arm, offering you a place next to him. You happily agreed, leaning against his warm body in the fresh morning hours.

“I’d love to see you again.”, Leon said after he exhaled another drag, looking down at you. This took you by surprise - why would he? You weren’t special at all, just a mere fan who managed to get into his penthouse suite with a lot of luck and cleavage. He grabbed his phone from the table next to him, offering you the open contact list, “I’d love to take you out on a few dates and such. Spend time with you. What do you think? Wanna give me your number?”

#Leon Kennedy #leon kennedy x reader #leon kennedy x you #resident evil #leon s kennedy #Leon Scott Kennedy

171 notes · View notes

sourkitsch · 2 years

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tagged by @flamejob !! Ty Izzy!!

1. why did you choose your url?

Because I’m obsessed w symbolism and metaphor. Also bc if I don’t process my trauma in the most esoteric way possible am I really processing it at all xoxo

2. any side blogs?

Yup! I haven’t touched any of them in years though. Not sure why I haven’t deleted them. They’re just there I guess

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

… it’s coming up on 10 years… the worst part is I’ve never remade this is the original blog I started with

4. do you have a queue tag?

Nope I’m nowhere near that organized!

I do use my queue a lot tho, which is why my blog is so cluttered. Half these posts I saw like. Last month and they didn’t fit the vibe at the moment so I was like “ok sometime in the future”

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

Again. I was 12. I had a crush on a girl for the first time and she was a year older than me and had a blog so I joined to reblog anime gifs. Worst origin story imaginable.

6. why did you choose your icon?

It’s a detail from Caravaggio’s Sacrifice of Isaac! A piece that means a lot to me + fits w my url

7. why did you choose your header?

Because I talk about Jesus so much for someone who doesn’t personally subscribe to his newsletter.

Also I love Tiffany Pollard are you kidding me. Somebody lied to her— several times— and told her she was fly, hot, and sexy, and beautiful and she’s nothing like that. She’s nothing of the sort.

8. what's your post with the most notes?

A stupid meme post I made that got 60k notes and was passed around the most annoying group of people humanly possible. I was so close to just deleting it but then I changed it to just a picture of one of my guys.

9. how many mutuals do you have?

I don’t keep track. I probably interact with 10-15 of you regularly.

10. how many followers do you have?

979

11. how many ppl do you follow?

902

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

Yeah who hasn’t

13. how many times do you use tumblr a day?

I wish it was less!! This is my only social media though, so it’s better than Twitter I guess

14. have you ever had a fight with another blog?

I’ve never fought with someone on here who I didn’t also know in person….. but I’ve also spent a large portion of my life in spaces where other people have tumblr…..

8-9 times probably

15. how do you feel about need to rb posts?

I’ll read them occasionally. Don’t reblog them though

16. do you like tag games?

Yes!!!!!!!! I love them!!!!!!

17. do you like ask games?

Yes I also love them!!!!!! Unfortunately I sometimes rb them when people are offline but I do try to time them for the most part. I love to share little facts abt me

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

The amount of times I’ve seen Caro’s posts just out and about @lanadelreyrichardlionheart

19. do you have a crush on a mutual?

Actual genuine romantic feelings? Of course not. I do like to see certain people interact w me and I’d love to get to know some of y’all better though!

20. tags

@calvarydrive @californiaquail @theoryofreligion @blood-and-breath @vivisecti0n if you wanna do it!! No pressure tho ❤️

#caro you’re also welcome to if you want

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pinkmingi · 4 years

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V.I.P // C. San ~ (m)

Description: A wealthy, rising young star stumbles into your camming liveshow one evening and immediately becomes your highest paying client. Needless to say- that role comes with certain added benefits, including private shows that San has every intention of using to his advantage.

word count: 5.3k

Features: San x Camgirl!Reader, mutual masturbation, cum play (light), edging, being paid for sexual services (i.e. camming) etc.

2:04am. You squinted against the harsh light of your phone screen as it vibrated in your hand.

New Message From:

Choi San- Tier 6

You hated the way your heart skipped a beat, even if just for a moment, when you saw his name flash across the screen. You weren’t exactly surprised, between his work schedule (from what little he’d told you about his work) and the time difference he tended to send his requests at all hours of the night, long after you’d finished your regular liveshow and gone to sleep—yet you always seemed to wake up when he messaged. If just 3 months ago you’d been told that you would be willfully getting out of bed to put on your prettiest set of pink lingerie and reapplying your livestream makeup for a single customer at 2 in the morning—you would’ve never believed them. Then again, 3 months ago there was no such thing as a Tier 6.

*3 months earlier*

“Thank you again to all my beautiful new viewers, I see some of you guys in the chat, don’t be shy say to say hello! I promise there’s no judgement here…” You smiled sweetly, flashing the camera your undeniably charming face that had so many clients coming back to your liveshows on a regular basis—you fulfilled their wildest fantasies and you did it with seemingly no effort.

“I’ve been feeling so restless lately, I don’t know what’s gotten into me—there must be something in the weather here…everything’s making me feel, hmm..needy I guess?” You laughed at the way you spoke so casually in front of an audience of strangers, though many of them were regulars and in that sense seemed less strange to you.

“How’s everyone been feeling lately? Don’t be afraid to open up, I really wanna know.” You smiled as you leaned towards the camera, casually showing off a bit more of your cleavage in the delicate and intricate lace bra that hugged you perfectly. 9.3k viewers, your streams really were growing fast.

Kinkydaddyxx76 (Tier 2) has sent you a donation!

Erenda_903 (Tier 1) has sent you a donation!

Justcurious111 (Guest) has sent you a donation!

Lovemeharddom_ (Tier 4) has sent you a donation!

You smiled to yourself as you thanked the members by name for their donations, it was about the personal experience for many of them, and as regulars of your streams you’d always found it important that they be recognized and treated with special care—it was one of the reasons that your streams had become so popular so quickly, despite only camming for a little over a year you’d acquired a large and dedicated group of viewers who you always made sure to treat with great care and respect. That was just part of the job.

“I’m gonna be wrapping up the general admission stream soon you guys, but don’t forget if you want extra access to the after party live show you are always welcome—I have 5 tiers of access available for my very special VIP members, the descriptions of each are listed on my profile. I hope to see as many of you there as possible, my members know how much I love an audience.” You winked playfully, adjusting your seat on the perfectly made bed, giving the camera a killer view of your legs and booty shorts as you read through the chat one last time before getting ready to log off. Just as you were getting ready to wrap up, however, a series of notifications appeared in the chat.

ChoiSinForMe has entered your cam room!

ChoiSinForMe has subscribed!

ChoiSinForMe is now a Tier 5 member!

You eyes widened as you read the last message again—Tier 5. You could probably count on 2 hands the number of Tier 5 subscribers that you had, it was a pretty expensive and elite level—and those who did purchase that level of subscription had been watching you since practically the beginning. You’d never seen this account on your streams before, he was completely new and already he’d become one of your highest paying clients. Taken aback, you nearly forgot to thank the new account for subscribing, your hands fidgeting slightly as you tucked a strand of hair nervously behind your ear. Who was this person?

“Uhmm, whoa…this is unexpected, thank you @ChoiSinForMe for becoming my newest member, welcome to the Princess Playroom, I hope you’ll enjoy your time here!” You smiled sweetly, still feeling a bit giddy and on edge at the prospect of the new member messaging you—that was a perk of Tier 5 members, they had the ability to private message you, as well as make special requests that lower tiers were not permitted to make.

You had just finished thanking everyone for coming, turning off the stream and sitting back against the headboard of your bed as you started at the computer monitor in front of you. You couldn’t get the strange new account out of your head…you couldn’t pinpoint why exactly, but there was something so sexy to you about the mystery. After what seemed like an eternity of staring at the private message tab of your account, a notification ding sounded through the otherwise quiet solitude of your apartment bedroom. Jumping slightly, you didn’t hesitate to scroll up, unable to contain the intrigued smile that played against your lips as you saw that, in fact, it was from your new subscriber.

New Chat!

ChoiSinForMe (Tier 5):

I’m sorry if I startled you in the live stream earlier

I’ll admit I liked the way your face froze tho

You wouldn’t like to admit the amount of times you read that message over again, overwhelmed with the butterflies you felt in your stomach, and the way your cheeks flushed at the idea that you were getting so worked up over a client. Sure, you’d heard of people camming and getting turned on by the people watching them, but you’d honestly never really experienced that with any one subscriber in particular—they were mostly just nice, slightly older men with more money and time than they could handle. So why did this feel different?

PrincessPlayroom (Host):

It’s nothing I can’t handle, welcome though ~ I’ve never had anyone become a member so quickly after entering my stream before J

His reply was fast, and it sent you into a state of shock almost as quickly.

ChoiSinForMe (Tier 5):

I know what I like. Figured this was the best way to get your attention

I have a proposal, actually—I don’t wanna waste your time, my tastes are specific and I don’t share.

I’m interested in private video calls, noticed that you don’t have that as a feature…but if you’re down to try something like that let me know. The price is…inconsequential.

My name is San, by the way.

You weren’t exactly sure what to say. He was right, that wasn’t something you’d ever offered before. No one had ever requested it before—that wasn’t to say you didn’t receive strange requests because your chat room was filled with out of the ordinary things. But for such a high-paying client to make a request for an individual stream…you weren’t sure what to say. For some reason, you weren’t ready to immediately shut down the request—maybe it was the prospect that this guy, at least from his messages, sounded like he was genuinely ready to pay anything for what he wanted. Something about that confidence made you squirm.

PrincessPlayroom (Host):

That’s certainly a unique offer, you’re right though—that isn’t a Tier 5 perk.

I’m curious though, indulge me in these “specific tastes” of yours, San

You couldn’t help but bite your lip at what he might say, subconsciously squeezing your legs together slightly as you waited for his reply. When your computer dinged again, the message was shorter than you’d anticipated, and very much left you wanting more.

ChoiSinForMe (Tier 5):

I’m not a big texter. Call me on Skype and we can talk.

(XXX) XXX-XXXX

And in case you thought I wasn’t serious—

Xoxo, San

ChoiSinForMe has sent you $1000!

Your heart was pounding in your chest and you could feel heat building in the pit of your stomach—should you call him? Who the hell was this guy, who sent you a grand just for entertaining the idea of calling him? Part of you wondered if something like this was really the smartest decision, but the other half of you couldn’t help but follow the intrigue of it all. This had never happened to you before, sure you had a few higher paying clients but none of them were like this. This man was something new. Without giving your mind time to cloud you with reasons why this probably wasn’t a good idea, you’d logged onto your skype account, connected your camera to the computer monitor and turned it on. Sitting upright on your bed, legs outstretched, you fixed your hair slightly before dialing his number. What the fuck were you doing…was this a mistake? Was he gonna end up being a creep or—the sound of the call being answered interrupted your thoughts.

“You look good like this, Princess.” His voice hit your speakers before his camera came into focus, but you swear if you’d been standing his voice alone would’ve been enough to make your knees a little weak. The instant his camera came into focus, your greatest worry came to life—he was ridiculously handsome. Maybe this was why you’d always preferred streaming to a faceless audience, it didn’t feel real. They were just names in the chat, but him? The man in the black t-shirt and grey sweatpants sitting on a king size bed with his head resting in the palm of his hand as he eyed you with a smirk on his lips…he was doing things to you. He was making you nervous, and you never got nervous over things like this. It’s just work, Y/N…it’s just work. He’s a client, that’s it.

“H-hi, I’m sorry, hah...this is all very new for me. I’ve never had a live conversation with a member before.” You blushed, running a hand through your hair as you watched San’s dark eyes, they never wavered from you as he clearly trailed the length of your body—taking his time as he took in the view.

“I guess I must be special then, hmm?” He smiled softly, leaning back on his hands and giving you an all-too perfect view of how tight his sweatpants already were. For some reason, this gave you a surge of confidence. Sure, he may be wealthy, and he may be getting special treatment, but this was your client. He was paying you, he wanted you—you were in charge. You smiled teasingly as you trailed your hand softly down the expanse of your body, stopping at the hem of your underwear as you casually played with the thin elastic band, biting your lip slightly.

“We’ll see…I’m charging you by the hour, by the way.” San laughed slightly at this, nodding in agreement.

“That’s fair…since you’re on the clock, why don’t you tell me your name?” He wasn’t jumping into any far out requests, even though a twisted little part of you wished he would. If he’d asked to see you undone for him right that instant, however, you might be embarrassed by how wet you’d already become.

“You can call me Princ-“

“Your real name, baby.” He interjected, his face unwavering. You never shared your real name with your clients, even your highest tier members.

“You sure do ask for a lot for a Tier 5, don’t you?” You teased, sliding closer to the camera as you watched his face give way to a sinful smile.

“Maybe I shouldn’t be a Tier 5 then…tell me.” He was breaking down your walls quickly, but the thrill of it all outweighed the reservations and rules you’d made for yourself when you first entered the world of camming—things like not letting a client in too close to your personal life, never blurring the line between customer and relationship, never—

“Y/n.” You blurted out suddenly, trying your best not to get flustered at the way San’s eyes twinkled and his pants grew tighter as he repeated your name aloud, humming in approval at the way it fell from his lips.

“Pretty…” He muttered softly, shifting in his seat on the edge of the bed as he watched your gorgeous frame, how your lace lingerie clung to your body just right and the way your hair framed that perfect face of yours—he was especially entranced by your thighs and the way they spread out perfectly against your plush mattress. God he wanted to watch you in every position imaginable.

“I know this must be a bit strange for you…why don’t you ask me a few questions, it might make you feel more comfortable. I’ll do the same, hmm? Let’s say, 3.” San suggested casually, rubbing his finger thoughtfully against his bottom lip as you blushed at the fact that you were supposed to be the professional, yet he was guiding the conversation. Laughing softly, you nodded.

“Hmm, someone seems to know what they’re doing, do you do this with other content creators here?” You were laughing, but a small part of you hoped he’d say no. San smirked, running a hand through his dark black hair as he shook his head.

“Is that your first question?” You blushed slightly, rolling your eyes as you nodded.

“Yes.” He smiled.

“No. I’ve actually never done this before either, I’ve always wanted to…but I never really found a person I was…interested in like this before.” He paused as you tried to hold some semblance of professionalism together, nodding thoughtfully as you felt your stomach knot.

“My turn…why’d you agree to try this?” You didn’t have to think long on your answer before you replied.

“You intrigued me, I think something about you was just…sexy.” You loved the visibly turned on reaction that San tried to suppress as the last word left your lips, his hand coming to lay across the inseam of his sweatpants in a half-hearted attempt to disguise what was becoming an increasingly noticeable erection. Clearing his throat, he chuckled softly. You knew what you were doing to him and it was driving him wild far more easily than he’d anticipated.

“How old are you?” You asked back, playing absentmindedly with a fluffy throw pillow on your bed, laying down in a more comfortable and relaxed position now as you felt the chemistry begin to unfold between the two of you.

“I’m 21. Younger than you’re used to?” You laughed softly, nodding. How was he so wealthy and still so young?

“So are you a self-made kinda rich boy, or the old family money kind?” A cheeky grin spread across San’s face as you asked your final question.

“I’m fortunate to have a good job, the details aren’t important but…it’s given me a comfortable life. I try to keep my work and private life separate, I’m sure you’re plenty familiar with confidentiality though…” You nodded thoughtfully as you eyed his broad shoulders and veiny arms, even through a computer screen his incredible shape was apparent.

“Last question, y/n…” He murmured softly, causing shivers to run down your spine at cadence of his honey voice.

“Mmm…” You replied, squeezing your thighs tightly together in a feeble attempt to relieve some of the built up tension this almost stranger was causing you feel. What he said next, however, would send you completely over the edge.

“Are you wet for me right now?” Your body froze as you attempted to collect your flustered self, hating the way he was clearly eating it up as his hand slowly palmed at his fully hard cock through the fabric of his pants, not even trying to hide the large bulge that was begging to be released.

“Y-yes.” You muttered softly, entranced by the way he took control of the situation. He hummed lowly in approval, sliding his hand underneath the waistband of his sweatpants as you watched the outline of his fingers stroke himself. He was ridiculously hot, but you figured he already knew that. You blushed, doing your best to bite back the sinful smile that threatened to flicker across your face as you felt your aching needs growing stronger by the minute. This man was really something if his presence alone was enough to make you falter—but you couldn’t forget, this was your show. Pulling your hair back away from your face and sliding yourself closer to the camera, you flashed him a knowing look as you tilted your head slightly. Your confidence was back.

“Did I say you could stroke yourself already?” Your soft voice echoed out against the speakers of his laptop like honey, and there wasn’t a shadow of a doubt in his mind that if you’d been in the room with him this would’ve been the moment where he’d pin you against the wall and dare you to disobey him. Instead, he let out a low chuckle, his gaze low and his hair hanging over his eyes as he slowed the pace of his hand.

“Mmm, it’s cute you think you’re in charge, (Y/N)…Truly.” He wasn’t going to cave easily, you didn’t expect him to. Truthfully, you didn’t want him to. Something about the chase, the push and pull—the rising tensions of the seemingly endless back and forth, it fueled you.

Not backing down so easily, you retorted,

“You can’t even help yourself around me for five minutes—I think that’s proof enough.” San smirked, biting his lip shamelessly as he pushed his hair away from his face. Making eye contact with you through the screen, he watched in enjoyment as your cheeks flushed slightly while his hand tightened around the sizeable bulge in his pants, quickening his movements slightly and raising an eyebrow as though challenging your previous statement.

“I’m paying you to say pretty things and watch me jack off, princess—that doesn’t mean I’m gonna let you have your way with everything…” You could feel your core heating up when he called you princess, it’d always been a favorite pet name of yours. Fiddling with the hem of your panties, you slid a finger just below the waistband as you teased him with the image of what you’ll look like without them. It wasn’t hard to tell his eyes were glued to your body, his eyes dark and filled with lust as you continued to tease him with your words.

“Mmm…my show, my rules. I’m not just gonna sit here and obey your every order, yknow. I’m not that kind of girl, Mr. Choi.” His jaw went slack when you addressed him that way, his mouth hanging just slightly agape as he threw his head back, the prominent veins in his arms showing as he balanced his weight on his free arm that propped him up—his right hand pre-occupied as he continued to quicken the pace of his strokes. You could see the swelling in his sweatpants and you could feel your panties becoming soaked at the mere idea of him finally releasing the beast he was fighting to hold back. When he finally spoke, his voice was lower and more gravelly than it had been before, he was becoming more and more depraved the longer you teased him without touching yourself—without showing him everything he was hungering to see.

“A good girl?” You smirked, you had him exactly where you wanted him. You had to admit though, he may have had you right where he wanted you as well.

“I’m nothing of the sort.” His long strokes slowed slightly as he began to pace himself, not ready to tip himself over the edge without watching you cum all over your fingers. He could tell you were wet for him and, though he couldn’t be sure, he had confidence that that alone made him stand out amidst your other clients. He’d only just met you, but it only took one look in those sinfully pure eyes to know that he desperately wanted—no, needed—to make you cum.

“And what kind of girl are you then, hmm?” The heat and pressure rising in your core was too much to bare at this point, and you’d decided that the poor man had earned what he was so obviously craving—you. Without another thought, you unclasped the back of your bra, letting it fall to the side as your breasts were now fully exposed for him. A low groan sounded from your speakers and you could tell he was more than enjoying the view. Not finished with him just yet, you slipped your fingers under the hemline of your panties, sliding them down until the lace crumpled around your ankles and you were left completely bare on your bedspread. Spreading yourself out for him to see, you leaned back and slowly slid your hand down to relieve the pressure building up inside you. A low “fuck” hissed out between San’s gritted teeth as he edged his stroking along, the slow pace becoming almost excruciating.

“What kind of girl do you want me to be?” You teased, nearly breathless already as a single finger slid between your soaked folds, easing its way inside you with a few pumps as a small moan escaped your lips. San groaned as his grip tightened around his length at the sound of your pretty moans ringing in his ear, licking his lips as he finally couldn’t take the restrictive fabric any longer. Without hesitation, San yanked his sweatpants down until they were around his ankles where he effortlessly discarded them, his throbbing length proudly on display as a small gasp left your mouth. It wasn’t that you weren’t used to men jacking off to you—but you’d never seen it live like this, and something about it was ridiculously sexy. The fact that this particular client was Choi San didn’t hurt, though.

“I want you to be the kind of girl who rides her own pretty, little fingers until she cums to the sound of my voice. I want you to moan my name…my first name, like you’d give anything to be here riding my dick right now. Because I know you would.” This time it was you who was slightly at a loss for words, biting down hard against the insides of your cheeks as you sucked in a deep breath, nodding as you opened your legs to give him an even better view of your sinful touches. He was right, eyeing the long and girthy member pulsating in his hand you couldn’t help but wish that you had something more to get off to instead of just your fingers.

“Can you do that for me, baby…hmm?” He re-focused his strokes to just the tip of his cock, massaging the head with an unrelenting pace as he dragged the pad of his thumb over the tip, swiveling his wrist ever so slightly as he continued the shallowed pumps. You nodded.

“Mmmm, yes, San. Only if you cum for me just as hard…” His eyelids lowered slightly as his gaze became lazy, a small smile playing on his lips as he nodded, speeding up his strokes as he watched you slide another finger inside of your glistening hole, moaning at the added pressure as your thumb drew circles against your clit, pressing down with gradually increasing pressure to help you relieve the pressure you’d lost from opening your legs.

“Oh I plan on it, princess—now turn around for me. I wanna see that ass nice n’ high while you touch yourself.” You turned around easily, pressing your chest against the mattress and arching your back as your ass perked up, sliding your hand up between your thighs and griding your clit down against the palm of your hand as a couple fingers slid back inside your heat. San’s low groans grew louder and more breathless as his strokes became longer and more staggered, enjoying the view of you bent over for him and fantasizing about the way you’d feel if he ever had the opportunity to bend you over and rail you himself.

“Fuuck, just like that—mmmm, you are a good girl for me, aren’t you?” You moaned at the way his once soft, now raspy voice teased you. Propping yourself up with your free arm you turned your head to look at him over your shoulder, smirking.

“A good girl would beg you to stroke yourself slowly…so slow that you’re almost in pain, begging me to let you go faster and finish yourself off.” San smirked, not always liking the idea of submitting in the bedroom but willing to entertain this small idea for you.

“Does that mean you’re a good girl then? I mean, you are begging me…” You turned yourself back around, sitting in your knees with your legs spread as you leaned forward onto your hands as he watched the rise and fall of your breasts keep pace with your heavy breaths.

“I’m not begging you, I’m telling you.” This time, San listened, allowing you to have your way this once as he slowed his long pumps to a painfully slow pace, already feeling his load building and swelling in his balls as he adjusted himself on the bed, his breathing becoming even more ragged than before. You smirked, biting down on your lip as you took in the sight of his slightly sweaty body and the way his hair clung to the sides of his face from the building beads of sweat. He was completely strung out at this point, his gaze filled with pure lust and his lips barely capable of forming sentences as he threw his head back once again, echoing incoherent slurs of curse words and moans. The action alone was enough to send you over the edge, but you held yourself together as you pumped your fingers even faster inside yourself, your needy moans growing in volume.

“Fuck you look so pretty like that, Y/N….tell me how good it feels…” Screwing your eyes shut as you hit that perfect sensitive spot, a breathless moan escaped your lips as you nodded.

“S-so good…Aahhh, fuck you’d feel so much better, though…” A wide smile spread across San’s face as his eyes remained closed, nodding as he hummed in approval. His cock was throbbing even harder than before, hungry for release as he continued to obey you.

“Mmmm, I must be something special if you’re considering riding the dick of a stranger you just met…” His voice vibrating through the speakers made you wish his mouth was around your clit, sucking down hard as he groaned into your tight and aching pussy. You knew it was wrong, and that this kind of attraction to a client was completely foreign to you—but you couldn’t help yourself.

“Mmmff fuck, shut up and cum already.” You breathed out, whining against the sensations of your fingers as San chuckled lowly, breathing a sigh of relief as he finally began to quicken his strokes, feeling the pressures build as he neared his release. You were riding your fingers at this point, your breasts bouncing up and down as you picked up the pace, needy for your own climax as you watched the man you knew hardly anything about turn you on more than anything real you’d encountered in a very long time.

“Shit, Y/N…your body is fucking insane…” San breathed out, his strokes ruthless and sloppy as his hips bucked up to meet his hand, unable to express in words how badly he wished it was you on top of him instead. You moaned, feeling yourself teetering on the edge.

“Aahhh god I’m close.” You whined, curling your fingers up to stroke your pressure points as you arched your back and threw your head back from pleasure. This was all it would take for San to be tipped over the edge, his breathing hitched in his throat as he continued to speed up his needy strokes.

“Cum for me, princess—all over those pretty little fingers. I wanna watch you lick them clean…” With that, you managed a dazed nod before grinding your hips down against your hand one last time, the pressure becoming too much as you finally tipped over the edge and your orgasm ran through your entire body. Your pretty moans were enough to send him hurdling towards his own orgasm as you rode out your high. Breathing slow, you eased your fingers out and made eye contact with the man who’d made you cum with nothing but his voice as he groaned, stroking himself hard. He was ridiculously close, but the moment you bit your lip and slid your soaking wet fingers inside your lips, swirling your tongue around them and licking them clean just as he’d told you to—he couldn’t take it anymore. Thick, creamy white ropes erupted from his cock, covering his thighs and the bedsheet beneath him as he groaned, inhaling sharply and tilting his head back in ecstasy as you moaned yourself at the ridiculously sexy view. Several spurts dripped down his hand as he slowed his strokes, massaging the glistening head of his cock slowly as his eyes shut and he rode out one of the most intense orgasm’s he’d ever felt. Breathing heavily, the two of you were sat in euphoric silence for a moment as you took in the pleasure that was still coursing through your bodies.

‘Fuck…”He muttered out after a moment. You blushed slightly, smiling at the reassurance that he’d enjoyed himself.

“For someone who’s never done that before…you sure knew what you were doing.” He laughed breathlessly, running a hand through his hair as he grabbed a towel from nearby, cleaning himself off lazily as you did the same, smiling.

“Well it is my job…it was definitely something new though.” You teased, winking playfully as San smiled in return.

“So let’s make it a regular thing then.” He blurted decidedly. You gave him a questioning look. Sure a small part of you hoped that you’d get the opportunity to do something like this or more again, but you hadn’t held out hope. You’d assumed he was more of a “one time” client.

“For real?” He smiled, nodding as he slid his sweatpants back on, watching as you sat comfortably bare in front of him, adoring the way you allowed him to watch you.

“Yeah, of course. You had fun, I had fun—well, I had a lot of fun…no one’s made me cum like that in a while.” A small blush threatened to tinge your cheeks, though you crossed your fingers it wasn’t noticeable through the screen as he marveled in the idea that someone as sexy as him was turned on by you. Not sexy enough to get it for free though (at least not yet).

“And the price is…” You teased, taunting him. He smirked, shaking his head as he sat upright, his elbows on his knees.

“Like I said, baby—inconsequential. Get some rest, think it over, ok? Message me when you’re ready to say yes.” His confidence was insatiable, and you’d grown a taste for it. Biting your lip, you nodded slowly.

“And what if I decide a Tier 5 member doesn’t deserve all this special treatment, hmm?” He scoffed lowly as he ran a hand through his hair, leaning closer to the camera despite his voice being barely above a whisper.

“Then make a higher tier. Get some sleep now, ok princess?”

~admin liese

☆Requests Open!☆

#ateez reactions #ateez smut #ateez scenarios #ateez imagines #choi san #choi san x reader smut #choi san x reader #kpop smut #choi san x camgirl #boy group smut #requests open #ateez choi san #choi san smut

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amiedala · 3 years

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hello my loves! i hope you’re all doing well! 💛 i know a lot of this is likely due to my own spottiness and the large gaps of time in between posting other than on Saturdays, but i’ve noticed that Something Deeper hasn’t seemed to have reached a lot of people—even people on my tag list! i want to make it clear that i’m not begging for more views/readers—i write this story for the utter and sheer joy of it, and sharing it with ANYONE is part of that joy—i just don’t want anyone to be missing something they signed on for, and i want everyone who wants to join the world of SM & SD to be able to!

do you all think that the lack of engagement is due to:

1. this crazy hectic time of year/the exhaustion of being alive right now (i completely understand)

2. the date/time i post

3. my use of tumblr not being super consistent other than when i post the fic updates on Saturdays

4. my lacking, spotty engagement with all of you

5. something else? please let me know!!

if you see this and you have any information for me, or anything you can suggest, from constructive criticism to what you’ve noticed, i really, really appreciate it. i never want to take this for granted, and i am so SO deeply grateful for every single one of you 💛 i’m trying to be much more consistent on here now that i’m not caught up in as much of my personal life, and i always want this place to be one of joy and happiness!!! thank you all for being here (i just hit 1k subscribers which is UNREAL & i want to do something special for that!!!) and for caring about me & what i write/post/cry about!!! 💛

xoxo, amy amiedala 🥰

#reply post #please lemme know!!!!#AND if you have any suggestions for what i can do for 1000!!!#i want to give back to all of you 🥺

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fanfictionaries · 4 years

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Where the Green Grass Grows - Part 2. All My Exes Live in Texas

Summary: After leaving town in 2001, Marianne Grace Barnes swore she’d never step foot in Texas again. She was happy with her life in San Francisco. She had great friends, a great job, and a loving boyfriend. But when her mother insists she come home after six long years away, Marianne comes face to face with someone she vowed to never lay eyes on again. Now the questions arise: Is he so different from the man who broke her heart? Is she so different from the girl she used to be?

And most importantly, is she as happy as she really thinks she is?

A story of love, heartache, and that special feeling of being home.

MASTERLIST

Prompt: Sweet Home Alabama (2002)

Pairing: AU Cowboy!Steve Rogers x OFC

Warnings: NA this chapter I think? ANGST!

Author’s note: It’s easier if you imagine everyone with a southern accent except for Marianne (Pronounced Mary Anne) who has a slight southern accent but’s lost it’s strength over the years. Also, how sexy is it to imagine Sam, Bucky, and Steve with southern accents?!?!?

My goal is to upload two parts a week for this series! Please bear with me, schools starts back up next week! xoxo

***

“Married?!”

“Mama—”

“You’re getting married?! And I had to find out through the paper like some stranger?”

“Mama, please. I said I was sorry—” Marianne tried to apologize once again but was drowned out by the hysterical cries of her mother through the phone.

“Marianne Grace Barnes, I don’t know who you think you’re talking to, but you will wait till I am good and finished talking before you interrupt me,” scolded Winifred Barnes.

“Yes ma’am,” grumbled Marianne, cursing every member of the staff at the San Francisco Chronicle.

***

It seems as though San Francisco’s most eligible bachelor, Tony Stark (32) is officially off the market amidst the announcement of his engagement to a Marianne Barnes (24). Mr. Stark, heir to the Stark fortune and founder of Stark industry met Ms. Barnes, middle school art teacher, a short ten months ago at an art show for the now celebrated artist Aldrich Killian. Sources say the pair hit it off almost immediately, and this can be confirmed by the fact that Barnes was rumored to be living with Stark in his sprawling San Francisco townhouse a mere two months after meeting. Since then, the two have been inseparable. Barnes and Stark have been spotted together at multiple Stark Industry events and frequenting many of San Francisco’s hottest spots. No matter the location, however, it is clear that the pair are deeply enamored with each other.

No details have been released on the exact date and location of the wedding, but our sources say they plan to marry soon in anticipation of the expected merger between Stark Industries and Pym Technology. Needless to say, we at the San Francisco Chronicle expect the event to be as lavish and opulent as the man, Tony Stark, himself.

***

Truthfully, she had no idea that they would do a piece on her and Tony’s engagement, although in hindsight it didn’t really surprise her. He was one of the most wealthy and successful men in California, why wouldn’t they? However, what really surprised her was that her parents were subscribed to the newspaper. Why they felt the need to keep up with the going-ons of San Francisco life from all the way in Texas, she had no clue.

“You know there’s this nifty little invention called a telephone missy and I know you have one of those fancy cellular phones with you all the time. And don’t for a second say that you called but we didn’t answer, because we even have an answering machine now. James went and got us one for Christmas so that we could stop ‘accidentally’ missing all those ‘calls’ you’ve been making—” Her mother’s tone was accusing and rightfully so. It was true. Marianne had a nasty habit of not calling home and lying about it later, but she had found over the years that things were easier when she spent less time thinking about home. Unfortunately, she did not know about the answering machine and now she had nothing to say for herself. “And to think we spent 18 years feeding you and raising you and giving you everything we could just for you to go and get engaged to a man we’ve never even heard of, let alone met!”

“Tony and I were talking about flying you, daddy, and Bucky down a week or so before the wedding, so you could spend some time with me and Tony. You know, get to know him and all,” said Marianne sheepishly, suddenly feeling so dumb she could throw herself on the ground and miss.

“A week?! Honey, I know you don’t think we’re gonna’ wait a week before the wedding to meet this man. You realize he never even asked your daddy for his blessing? He’s none too pleased about it neither. The man’s got a bur in his saddle so large you could see it from Houston.

“Mama, I’m not property. Tony doesn’t need daddy’s—”

“Nuh uh, you zip it right now missy. At the end of the day, it’s the principle Marianne Grace. Now, we wanna’ meet this man. Soon,” said Winifred so sternly Marianne could just envision her pacing the kitchen in a rage.

“Okay, I’m sure we would be more than happy to fly you all over whenever you like,” stated Marianne, standing and looking over to where Tony was fully engrossed in his work at his expansive glass dining room table. She tried to catch his eye, but he had yet to unglue his eyes from the screen of his laptop and the stacks of paper around him. Marianne was halfway to him when her mother’s words stopped her in her tracks.

“Your daddy can’t get a day off from the ranch any time soon since Sam Wilson fell off the barn roof and broke his arm; and Bucky’s busy with his practice and helping to fill in for Sam.”

Marianne swallowed thickly, “So what do you want to do?”

“You two will come here,” her mother stated flatly.

“Mama, I don’t think that’s a good—”

“No arguing with me Marianne,” interrupted Winifred before continuing in a softer tone. “You haven’t been back home in almost six years. It’ll do you some good to come home and spend some quality time with your family. We miss you honey.”

“I miss you too mama, but there’s absolutely no way Tony and I can make it down to Texas before the wedding.”

***

The air was hot and muggy in the small plane as they sat docked on the tarmac at Austin-Bergstrom International Airport. They’d been sitting there waiting for an open terminal for nearly an hour, but it felt like four. Marianne was ready to open the emergency exit herself and face homeland security if it meant getting a breath of air that wasn’t shared with a hundred other people. Therefore, she was in no way ready to hear the news that Natasha had for her when she turned her cellphone back on.

“What do you mean Montecito fell through?!” exclaimed, smiling sheepishly to be the people around her in apology before turning towards the window and lowering her voice. “Please telling me you’re joking Nat. I really can’t handle any bad news right now.”

“I wish I were Mari, but unfortunately it wouldn’t matter if Tony had more money than God. There’s no way you two are finding a decent venue in California until at least next summer,” said Nat, only adding to Marianne’s stress level. She ran a hand through her brown curls, already feeling them begin to grow and frizz in the dry Texas climate. Yet, another reason to hate it there.

“Are you sure? Did you try Fairmont?” Marianne asked in desperation.

“Sweetie, I’ve tried Fairmont, The Langham Huntington, Montecito, Sherwood, Oak Mountain…you name it; I’ve called and been told no. Are you sure you guys can’t put off the wedding till next year?”

“No, Tony is dead set on having the wedding in June and seeing as it’s April, well…” Marianne trailed off, unsure of how even to end that sentence. Two months. Tony had given her two months to plan this wedding and she was scrambling. She felt the plane lurch forward as it began a slow crawl across the asphalt. The overhead intercom crackled before announcing they would be departing the plane in ten minutes. The plane erupted into a smattering of applause that seemed to rouse a sleeping child as a high-pitched cry sounded soon after.

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were knocked up,” laughed Natasha, clearly trying to lighten the mood.

“At this point, a pregnancy would be the least of my worries,” sighed Marianne, leaning back in her seat and plugging her free ear with her finger. As the plane continued to move towards its gate, the space filled with the sound of passengers gathering their things and chatting excited.

“Where are you? It sounds like a carnival on your end.”

Marianne laughed bitterly, “A carnival would be more fun. Unfortunately, I’m currently stuck on the world’s most uncomfortable airplane.”

“An airplane? Where could you possibly be going right now?! We have a wedding to plan in less than two months!” exclaimed Natasha in exasperation.

“It’s less where I’m going and more where I am, actually.”

“Okay, well then please, enlighten me. Where are you?”

“I’m in Texas,” confessed Marianne, unbuckling her seatbelt and standing as the plane door finally opened and the deboarding process began.

“Oh no…”

“Oh yes.”

Two hours later and Marianne was convinced that her luck couldn’t get any worse. As if Texas itself was punishing her for six long years away, the airline lost her luggage indefinitely and her taxi driver got lost, twice, before they finally pulled up to her parents’ home in Georgetown, Texas. The farmhouse was small; built in the 1800s as a place of residence for the ranch foreman, it still held its original purpose. White with baby blue shutters and a large wrap around porch, Marianne had many memories of sitting on the porch swing and watching the time inch by. Stepping out of the air-conditioned sanctuary of the cab, the full force of southern heat hit her square in the face. Before she could even turn to close the car door behind her, her mother’s excited cries floated through the air. The screen door squeaked and groaned as the greying woman heaved it open and ran towards her daughter with open arms.

“My baby is finally home! Hallelujah!” cried Winifred, engulfing her daughter in a tight hug. Winifred Barnes, standing a few good inches shorter than her daughter, hugged her with surprising force. Years of helping out on the farm left her figure lean and muscular, while years of good ol’ southern cooking left her with a pair of hips that still made most of the men in town turn their head when she passed by. Of course, none of that was new to Winifred. In her day, the woman had been the bell of the ball in Texas society. A former debutant and pageant queen, she had the pick of any wealthy Texan she came across, but when it all came down to it, she had chosen George Barnes – a lowly ranch hand with no prospects outside of roping, riding, and herding cattle.

“Hi mama, it’s good to see you,” said Marianne, feeling her heart clench slightly as she hugged her mother tightly. She was surprised to see some grey in the blonde, pin straight hair Marianne had always envied growing up. The lines at the corner of her mother’s eyes and mouth made her wonder for a moment if she truly had been gone for too long.

“Do you need help with your things?” Winifred asked, looking between Marianne and the taxi driver who was currently making no move to get out and help her daughter with her luggage.

“Oh! Hold on—” Marianne leaned back into the taxi and dug into her purse before pulling out cash for the driver “—Sorry. Thank you so much.”

With that she exited the cab, purse, and small carry-on in hand, slamming the car door behind her. The cab took off with a cloud of dust that sent Marianne and her mother into a small fit of coughs.

“They lost my luggage. I’m supposed to be hearing from them some time in the next few days, but they told me not to get my hopes up. Apparently, my bags never even made it on the plane,” Marianne told her mother.

“Oh dear. I hope they find them; it’d be a shame for you to lose all those fancy clothes—" her mother took a moment to take in Marianne’s outfit, an outfit Tony had bought her for her birthday actually. She thought the black pencil skirt, white Calvin Klein button up and thick chunky belt cinched at her waist was a cute ensemble, but judging from the way her mother appraised her, perhaps she was wrong “—we’ve still got all of your old clothes. I’m sure they’ll fit you. If anything, they’ll be too big! You are so skinny; do they not eat in California?”

“Yes, they eat plenty mama. Don’t worry. Now, where’s daddy?”

“Well he should be coming in soon. He found a section of fence down up past the crick, so he took the boys up with him to fix it,” said Winifred, looking out into the distant pasture.

“I thought Sam broke his arm.”

“He did, but the damn fool still insists on helping where he can. Couldn’t get him off that horse if I tried and the good Lord knows I have. Still, your daddy won’t let him do much. Till then Steven and your brother are putting in extra work to fill in the gaps.”

Just the utterance of his name was enough to throw Marianne for a loop, “I didn’t know Steve worked here now.”

“Oh, he doesn’t dear. He’s just helping out. He’s still over at—oh there they are!” exclaimed Winifred, pointing out in the far distance where the silhouette of four men on horse back could be seen against the setting sun.

They should have been indiscriminate from each other from that far of a distance, but Marianne knew without a doubt which one of the men was Steven Rogers. Larger and thicker than the rest of the men, he held a certain grace in the saddle that most professional riders lacked, but Marianne would know anywhere. As they got closer, approaching at a well-paced canter, she couldn’t help but keep her gaze trained on the man in question. The one person she was least excited to see upon coming home. It was no secret how she felt about him. Everyone knew her disdain for the man ran deep, however he was unavoidable given he was her brother’s best friend. Spitefully, she imagined that after all this time he would have gotten fat or perhaps lost all his hair – anything to cut back the enormous ego he possessed. Yet, as they approached it was to her dismay that the exact opposite was true. Not only was he not fat and bald, but he was probably more muscular than he’d been the last time she saw him and his thick, dirty blonde hair was thicker and longer than ever, hanging down to the nape of his neck under the brim of his tan Stetson. To top it all off, the bastard had a beard so thick and rugged, it put Kenny Rogers to shame…bastard.

She had no time to focus on the way the sweat glistened off the exposed skin of Steve’s neck or the way his thick thighs gripped the leather below him, because the moment they were close enough her older brother of two years was launching himself out of the saddle and onto her. His large, strong arms wrapped around her middle and hoisted her into the air, spinning her in the air and nearly causing her ankle boots to fly clear off her feet. When he finally placed her back on the ground, his grin was as wide as the Mississippi and as bright as the blinding Texan sun.

“There she is!” he beamed before looking all around her. “Where’s that fancy fiancé of yours?”

“He’s not coming till Wednesday, remember?” called their mother over her shoulder as she made her way back to the porch steps.

“He had some business to take care of before he could come down. Figured I’d come down ahead and let you get all of your crazy out before you meet him. That way you don’t scare him off,” teased Marianne, punching her brother’s arm in good spirits. “You look good. How’s the practice?”

James Buchanan “Bucky” Barnes was the most accomplished of the Barnes’ children. After undergrad at the University of Houston, he went on to become a veterinarian and take over the old clinic right in town. Of course, that couldn’t be enough for the young Barnes man. No, he had to be annoyingly handsome as well; possessing the same brown curls as her, his boyish smile, tall height, and muscular stature always seemed to work in his favor. “Oh, it’s great. Busy as all get up,” he answered, tucking his hands into the pockets of his dirty wranglers.

“What? Your old man doesn’t get a hug as well?” asked George Barnes, handing his and Bucky’s reigns over to Steve before walking over to her and engulfing her in another hug. A feeling of safety and serenity washed over her as she hugged her father tightly. In truth, she’d always been a daddy’s girl. Never did she miss a moment growing up to help her father on the farm right alongside her brother. George Barnes, while coming across as stern and taciturn at times, was nothing more than a soft, kind-hearted man.

“Hi daddy. I missed you.”

“I missed you too pumpkin. My successful, big city daughter has been away for too long,” her father teased, an edge of sincerity to his tone. She gave him one last tight squeeze before releasing herself and turning her attention away from her father’s comment and instead to Sam Wilson. Sure enough, there he was, cast and all, sitting high and good-naturedly on the back of his Appaloosa. He was everything her mother described, kind brown eyes, a sweet gapped smile, cropped black hair, and deep tawny skin that glistened in the warm setting sun.

“You must be Sam!” Marianne said enthusiastically, crossing the distance and holding her hand out to him. Sam came to work on the ranch a few years after she left and while she’d never met him, she had heard quite a bit about him. Originally from Alabama, Sam Wilson moved out to Texas chasing a girl and fell in love with the open range and rolling river of Georgetown instead.

“And you must be Marianne. Pleasure to finally meet you,” Sam greeted her, taking her hand in his good one and giving it a gentle shake.

“Please, call me Mari. How’s your ar—”

“I’m gonna’ go put the horses up, George,” the gruff timbre of Steve’s voice interrupted her, the sound both grating to her ears and causing her heart to leap in her chest.

“Oh, alright. Do you want any help?” asked George, turning away from his daughter as Steve began to ride away, leading the other two mares along with him.

“Nah, you stay and catch up. I’ll only be a minute.”

“I should probably go and help him,” said Sam, grinning pleasantly at them before righting himself in the saddle and turning his horse back towards the barn.

“Why don’t you get settled in your room, while your brother and I get cleaned up for supper?” her father suggested, breaking Marianne out of her stupor. She only realized then that she’d been watching Sam and Steve intently as they rode away and disappeared into the large, red barn.

Marianne’s room hadn’t changed a bit. Apparently, her mother had never even given a thought to redecorating or repurposing the room and for that, she didn’t know whether to be grateful or concerned. The same baby pink covered the walls and stuffed animals adorned the surface of her flowery bedspread. Posters littered the walls showcasing the stars of her youth including The Dixie Chicks, Shania Twain, and, embarrassingly, Randy Travis on the ceiling above her bed. Trinkets of her childhood remained on shelves and her desktop. 4-H ribbons and trophies sat in all their glory, reflecting the days in which she put more stock in goat wrangling and horseback riding than watercolor technique and Renoir’s crippling arthritis. It was like walking into a living memorial of the late 90s in the loudest and most obnoxious way possible. She placed her purse and carryon on the bed when a thought popped into her head. Rushing to her closet, she pushed through the clothing, shoes, and a few boxes till she found the special hiding place she created all those years ago.

“Aha!” Marianne exclaimed when her fingers wrapped around the binding of her old diary. Suppressing a childlike giggle, she sat down on the thick carpet of her bedroom floor and opened the dusty journal to a random page.

Dear Diary,

Last week Mrs. Darlene said she was bringing in an older student to fill in for her and teach some of the class and you wouldn’t believe who it ended up being. That’s right. Steve. I mean, I shouldn’t have been surprised. He’s like the most talented artist in the school. Clint reckons he’s going to Julliard or Paris or something when he graduates. Too bad I still have to deal with his annoying face till then. It’s bad enough that I have to see him all the time at home with Buck. Now I have to see him in my classes too? Of course, he just had to get on my nerves too. He couldn’t just leave me well enough alone. He kept leaning over my shoulder and telling me my shading needed work. Sorry we can’t all be artistic geniuses. Some of us are just okay.

After class Clint kept saying how he thinks Steve has a crush on me. I said if that were true then he wouldn’t spend every waking moment with his tongue shoved down Sharon Carter’s throat. Of course, Clint had to go and rile my feathers by saying I was jealous. AS IF! I wouldn’t want Steven Rogers’ tongue within spitting distance of me, let alone in my mouth.

I mean, sure. He does have nice eyes and I can see how some people might think he’s handsome, but he’s no Tom Selleck. I wouldn’t kiss him if someone paid me $1000. Anyways, that’s all for today Diary.

Till next time,

Mari Grace xoxo

“Marianne! Supper’s on!” called Winifred from down the stairs, sending Marianne into a spiral of déjà vu. She shut the journal tightly, throwing it back into her closet before standing and heading downstairs. The expansive kitchen was everything she remembered from the olive-green cupboards to the faded pine table sat on a threadbare rug. She was the last to arrive, finding the table full and the setting across from Steve the only available spot. Begrudgingly she sat, purposefully avoiding any and all eye contact with the man sat in front of her. Instead, she opted to turn her attention to the delicious food in front of her.

Her mother had gone all out cooking her favorite foods: fried chicken, new peas and potatoes in cream sauce, corn on the cob, ham steak, green bean casserole, salad, fresh rolls, corn bread, and if her intuition was correct there was sure to be a peach cobbler sitting in the oven at that very moment.

“Wow mama, I hope you didn’t cook all of this on my account,” said Marianne, grabbing a chicken leg from the platter in front of her.

“Well it’s not every day my only daughter decides to grace us with her presence. I didn’t know if you still liked the same things, so I made a bit of everything,” said Winifred, helping herself to a bit of salad.

“Yea, we didn’t know if you’d become one of those vegetarians like all those hippies in California,” laughed Bucky, cutting a large piece of ham steak, and shoving it in his mouth.

“They’re not all vegetarians and they’re not all hippies. But even if they were, there’s nothing wrong with being morally and environmentally conscious of what you consume,” remarked Marianne putting a bit of potatoes on her plate and picking up her fork.

“Yea, a consciousness that could put all of us out of work,” said Steve bitterly.

Surprised at his comment, Marianne glared at Steve in annoyance. His face was tilted down towards his plate, but she didn’t need to see his eyes to know that he thought she was all hat and no kettle. She felt a heat begin to bubble just below the surface but bit her tongue. Turning to her father, she asked him how things were going around the ranch.

“They’re as good as any. Flannigan is thinkin’ of sellin’ again, but he’s promised if he does, he’d put it in writin’ that they have to keep me on as foreman. Looks like this ol’ place isn’t rid of me yet,” laughed George.

“Have you thought about buying the ranch yourself daddy?” asked Marianne, who’d never understood why her father never took the next step.

“Oh, I don’t know about that…”

“Sure, you can daddy. You definitely have the know how and I bet you and mama could qualify for some kind of loa—”

“There’s a lot more that goes into buying a ranch than you know, Marianne. It’s not as easy as snapping your fingers and having your rich fiancé get it for you with daddy’s money,” interrupted Steve, now looking up from his plate at her with a superior expression.

“Yes, I’m sure you know all about success what with going to college and—oh wait. You didn’t. You’re just still working at the Double R for old man Jackson like you were almost ten years ago. My mistake. And it’s Mari to you,” bit back Marianne, angrily stabbing into the food on her plate.

“Marianne you don’t—” began Winifred, stopping when Steve held up a hand.

“That’s alright Wini. She said what she said. I’m sure it’s easy to look down on all of us from such a high and mighty position as a middle school art teacher. Isn’t that right, Marianne,” said Steve smugly.

Marianne’s blood boiled, a red-hot rage heating her face, “At least I actually did something with my talent, Stevie.”

“That’s enough you two. If ya’ll can’t act civil at the table, you can just leave. Steven, you’re just as much a part of this family as anyone else, but you’re also a guest and you know better. Marianne, your mother worked very hard on this meal and we’re all excited to finally have you home. Don’t make us change our minds,” George scolded them, the kitchen going quiet as Steve and Marianne hung their heads in shame. It was silent for a while, the sounds of forks and knifes scraping their plates filling the air before someone finally spoke up.

“I was vegetarian for a while,” remarked Sam, putting his corn cob down and wiping his hands on his napkin.

“What?!” asked Bucky in surprise, “When?”

“I think I was…twenty? There was this new girl that started working down at the local diner in Mobile that was vegetarian. Rumor had it she only dated other vegetarians, so I came every day and ordered a veggie burger for lunch hoping she’d notice and we’d strike up a conversation,” Sam told them, reaching forward and grabbing a roll. “Turns out, she wasn’t a vegetarian. She was an Episcopalian.”

The table erupted into a fit of laughter, Marianne herself giggling so hard tears were brought to her eyes. “How long did you go in before you found out?” asked Marianne, dabbing at the corners of her eyes with her napkin.

“About a month.”

The group laughed even harder.

“See, that’s the difference between you and me Sammy. I’ve done a lot of stupid things for girls, but I’ve never let them change me,” said Bucky resolutely.

“Nah man, it’s not changin’ yourself. It’s takin’ a chance on love! You’ll never settle down if you aren’t willing to risk it all for the woman you love,” Sam put wisely, earning him a fond pat on the cheek from her mother.

Marianne smiled happily, missing the gentle banter that a meal at home could bring. She felt the prickle of gooseflesh rise on her neck and the looming sense that someone was staring a hole in the side of her head. On instinct she turned to find Steve’s stormy blue eyes trained on her in solemn concentration. Their gazes locked for a moment, a strange mix of emotions flooding from Steve that made her heart clench in her chest. Then, as quickly as they had appeared, they were gone. Steve was the first to break their connection, turning to George and beginning a quiet side conversation about the new cow horse he’d just bought.

“Don’t listen to this liar Sam. Buck has definitely changed himself for a girl,” said Marianne, shaking off the strange encounter and turning back to the rest of the table.

“What are you talking about girl?” asked Bucky in exaggerated confusion.

“Oh, you don’t remember Suzie Quentin?” Marianne questioned, knowing Bucky remembered exactly who Suzie Quentin was.

“Now wait—” began Bucky, shortly being cut off by Marianne as she turned to Sam to regale the tale.

“In the eighth grade Suzie Quentin said she thought Louis in Interview with a Vampire was hot and so Bucky spent a whole year growing out his hair so he could look like Brad Pitt!” said Marianne with a loud guffaw, moving away as Bucky tried to cover her mouth to keep her from talking. “Except, he didn’t know how to take care of long hair so—”

Bucky was successful the second go around, managing to clamp a hand over Marianne’s mouth so that the only sounds heard from her were a jumble of muffled words.

“Don’t listen to her, Sammy. She’s got a head full of stump water.”

When Marianne had finally managed to wrangle herself out of Bucky’s hold, she couldn’t find it in herself to be mad at her older brother. Quite the opposite really. A sense of sadness filled her at the realization that for six long years she’d missed out on this. The lightness. The familiarity. The happiness that only her family could provide. And for what? Taking another glance towards the large, sun kissed man across from her she felt a renewed sense of bitterness towards the man.

Once dinner finished and everyone was full on peach cobbler and homemade vanilla ice cream, Marianne excused herself from the table, standing and making her way to the porch. The sun had set. The brightness of the moon, hung fat and heavy and almost full in the sky, lit up the night. More stars than she could ever remember shone brightly from above creating a familiar wonder she often felt growing up. She never felt that in San Francisco, where the stars were constantly shrouded by heavy clouds and the lights of the city.

Reaching into her skirt pocket, she pulled out her cell phone and was surprised to find only a single text from Natasha informing her that their caterer had backed out. Nothing from her fiancé who promised to check in on her the moment he could. Of course, he probably was too busy with work. Sighing, she tried not to think about the wedding for at least one night and instead dialed Tony. The phone rang for a few moments before he picked up. From the other end she could hear the raucous sounds of people, music, and laughter blaring through.

“You’ve reached Tony: multimillionaire, genius, extraordinaire,” answered Tony, his voice vibrant and jovial.

“Tony, hey,” said Marianne feeling slightly confused. She thought he had a late-night conference call with Tokyo that night.

“Mari! Hold on one second—” the boisterous noise began to fade and then a door clicked shut before Tony spoke again “—sorry about that. How was your flight? Did you make it to Texas alright?”

“Yea, I did. Unfortunately, they lost all of my luggage, but it could be worse. My mom still has pretty much all my stuff here from high school still,” Marianne laughed lightly, leaning against the railing of the porch, and gripping it tightly. Her palms were slick with sweat despite the temperature cooling exponentially with the setting sun. Why on earth was she so nervous?

“Do you want me to have some of your things express shipped over to you?” asked Tony kindly.

“No, no need. I can get by. I suppose if I really need something that badly, you can pack it when you come down later this week.”

“Well, don’t go without it you don’t need to. You have the card I gave you. Don’t be afraid to buy whatever you need,” remarked Tony in the offhanded way in which he solved almost all of his problems. Normally this kind of answer wouldn’t make her think twice, but that night something about it irked her.

“Right. Hey, I thought you had nonstop meetings all this week. It sounds like you’re at a party.”

“Oh right, well, you know. Sometimes a meeting is a room full of boring people in suits and sometimes a meeting is cocktails and firebreathers on a rooftop,” joked Tony. Marianne could just envision the charming, devilish smile on his face. It usually did a fine job of getting him out of most trouble, but Marianne found that her inability to see it in person left her feeling put off. Before she could open her mouth to say as much, Marianne heard the sound of a door opening and then muffled voices. “That would be a business associate wanting to talk to me about reactor batteries. So…” Tony dragged out the word, waiting for her to make the decision on whether their phone call was about to end. Marianne paused. In this moment she could get mad, or she could let her fiancé continue to ride the high of a successful business for a while longer.

“Go. Have fun changing the world over flaming tequila shots,” sighed Marianne in good humor. Who was she to rain on his parade?

“God, I love you. Wednesday can’t come soon enough.”

Before Marianne could even get the words ‘I love you too’ out, the line went dead, and she was left standing alone on her parents’ porch in the deathly silence of the country. Or so she thought.

“Big city boyfriend too busy to talk?” asked Steve, sidling up beside her and leaning against the porch. He placed all his weight upon a single veiny forearm laid upon the chipping paint, crossing his long, lean legs, and cocking his hip to the side. It was the familiar ease in which he held himself that while normally made her skin itch, instead filled her with a weighty exhaustion she hadn’t felt in years. It had been a lot for a first day back.

“Fiancé and it’s none of your business,” spat Marianne, her tone barely holding half of the harshness it held earlier when they argued. She folded her arms around her like a protective blanket and looked out on the darkening fields ahead of her.

“Oh, come on Marianne—”

She sent a bone chilling glare in his direction that stopped Steve in his tracks. He let out a long breath.

“You’re right, it’s none of my business. Look, I just came out here to apologize. I didn’t mean to start a fight in there. God knows Wini and George wanted things to go well tonight and I’m sure us bickerin’ didn’t help any. They’d be devastated if you decided to wait another six years to come and see ‘em.”

“Don’t for a second think you have any right to talk to me about my family. Or to try and make me feel guilty for being gone. Not when you’re the reason I stayed away so long,” scoffed Marianne, taking one last glaring look at the man above her and storming back into the house, making Steve the one alone in the deathly silence of the country.

Taglist:

@hidden-behind-the-fourth-wall

@caffiend-queen

@grincheveryday

#fanfic #fanfiction #marvel #steve rogers #cowboy au #steve x ofc #tony x ofc

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gurugirl · 7 months

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I saw your post on patreon about feedback. I'm shy so I prefer to give you anons here on tumblr, I hope that's okay.

So far everything you have put out is a banger. Like actually. Even everything you post here on tumblr is too. You're amazing. Definitely not disappointed.

But now that I know neighbor!harry will be a bit dark I'm even more excited for that one. I voted for ex!harry to come next but re reading neighbor harry I realized that I can see it now how it's going to be dark and I cannot wait to see how you do it.

Even with no smut in the first part it's really intriguing. Not that I need smut to enjoy your stories. In fact, I really like that there was no smut at all so far.

Anyway, just my 2 cents on everything. I'm so excited for neighbor!harry and cannot wait for part 2 of The Trapper.

Oh my goodness, thank you! I don't have too many subscribers just yet so I get that I'm not going to have a ton of feedback but so far the feedback percentage versus how many subscribers I have is very low so I feel like I'm not delivering what you guys want. Even if you guys come here to share feedback with me on tumblr. That helps me too!

And yes!! I'm super excited about neighbor!harry. I know the first part only gave you guys a glimpse of Y/n and Harry but I hope that anyone that likes dark elements enjoys what I've got in store.

I can't wait for you to see what's coming! And Part 2 of The Trapper is nearly ready to go!

Thank you so much for the feedback. It means so much to me.

xoxo

#ask #patreon #patreon ask #neighbor!harry #dark!harry

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memoirsofrkxjiyeon · 6 years

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now playing ► minhee x jinki x xoxo

it’s so nice to sing with old friends! (:

thank you jinki for singing with me & guide me on how to sing better ♥

Ma serannas falon ~ ( if you understood this, you’re amazing keke )

like & subscribe to @ juminhee

comment below ‘what’s your favourite video game?’

uploaded 10-05-18

It is weird how friendships change over time, there is time were these two trainees were close friends then time just drifted apart even though they were under the same entertainment company, Sphere. Jinki has been busy with his own life and problems plus convex training making it difficult really to spend time with until some day the two friends reconnected and decided to cover a song together. Thanks to Jinki vocal training, she did give the female a few pointers on how to sing little better too. This was the video which they recorded together just happily singing together in training room sitting down in relax environment.

The two friends start sing softly with the sweet sounds of la la la, it was nice blend of voices with high & low tones. It was obvious to hear it was male & female singers if didn’t even watch the video just heard the sounds. Minhee sway smoothly left to the right to the soft melody of the song as Jinki starts off the first verse. She always found his voice quite smoothing when he sang, it was lovely tone to listen too and feels honoured that he would do this duet with him.

Rubbing my eyes, I woke up and saw it was 10AM Are you still sleeping? It’s winter now, the air is so cold We’re contacting each other a lot more these days But is it just me?

The female rubbed her lips together nervously before she started to sing the second verse, Minhee playfully scrunched her nose up in cute manner as sang the line about getting upset and being unsure about calling him up. She knew this feeling well whether she should bother someone or not as didn’t want to be nuisance to them even though she did think the girl wrote the song or someone did say little bit needy though but that’s her personal opinion.

2:30PM ,what’s going on? There’s no way you’re still sleeping But you’re not even texting me I’m getting upset, should I call you first? But I just hung up

The time for the next part as kept singing her part until Jinki followed after her, as he tries to smooth the worries in the story of the song and ask for her to believe in him. Minhee always do love songs which tells a story about something or relationship and how it change throughout the song too. It is very poetic and romantic in a way for certain. There is always that problem in the beginning of the relationship about someone trusting them enough.

Like a painful shot Just thinking about it makes me scared

No just close your eyes and take it It’s not a big deal Even if it’s awkward and nerve wrecking now Will you believe in me once more?

Then should I believe in you? No let’s see a little more

Minhee was glad that Jinki tends have more lines in the song than her as she still finds she is not good enough singer yet even though the trainers has said she has improve greatly over the year but Minhee still isn’t sure on herself and wants to become a better vocalist. The song continue on as the duo goes back in forth with the lyrics singing the lovely tune even singing together in harmony on the last line.

I can’t seem to work, it’s 4PM I’ll just call you Where are you? Wanna get dinner?

I waited so long but I’m hiding my heart Then let’s meet at 7PM

Like a dark alley Just thinking about it makes me scared

No, if we hold hands and walk It’s not a big deal Even if it’s awkward and nerve wrecking now Will you believe in me once more?

Then should I believe in you? No let’s see a little more

Now let’s stop wasting our emotions How nice is it, just looking at each other?

I don’t wanna hide my heart anymore

Softly, to you To you I’ll go Into your arms

XOXO, why were you so scared? XOXO, in case I did something wrong XOXO XOXO XOXO Oh Oh

But now I know The answer is you

Like a sweet kiss Just thinking about it gives me butterflies

It’s the moment I waited for It’s like a dream Even if it’s awkward and nerve wrecking now Will you believe in me once more?Then should I believe you?

Yes, I’ll believe you

XOXO XOXO Oh Oh Is this feeling, love?

The two friends kept singing the lovely song, even Minhee feel more comfortable and brave enough to attempt the higher notes in the song as she had Jinki by her side to support in this endeavor not sure if it is even sounded nice or not but at least she gave it her best shot for sure. It is kinda of funny of singing love song with a friend but then again it was easy as platonic love is a thing too not just romantic kind and she certainly feel that towards Jinki too.

The video faded into a white screen then showing the two again with a message from the two of trainees, Minhee waved at the camera with a bright smile. “Thank you again for watching video on my channel and very much thank you for Jinki joining me too! Please remember to subscribe and like this video! Plus look out for Jinki here in the future, have a lovely day, bye bye!”

#.vlog #.xoxo #rkjinkis #[ sorry this is so lazy written aksjdlkasj ]#.asomemini

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littleleighxo · 3 years

Text

2/19/2021, Friday Vibes ❄️

Happy Friday Everyone!

This week went by SO fast! Can not believe it’s already Friday! How was everyone’s week? Hope you all had a great week! For me, my week went fine! Kudos to my social media blowing up on my posts, for my dads retirement on Tuesday & my tribute yesterday for the late Angela Raiola better known as Big Ang. Thank you all for the love! I appreciate it SO much! Vitural hugs! It’s another snow day here in NY. It became a mini Antarctica like I said in my last blog. I am SO over the snow & cold weather. Wish it can finally be spring! Love spring! One of my favorite seasons aside from fall. Tonight for dinner my family & I had pizza! Pizza is one of my favorite foods! Tonight we ordered pizza from Krispys, which is one of my family & Is favorite pizzeria. If you live in Dyker Heights, you will definitely know Krispys Lol! As I am doing this blog, I am sipping on a hot cup of 3 Ballerina Tea, for a healthy cleanse & detox. While I am listening to “Ain’t Too Proud, To Beg” on Broadway, the rise & fame of the Temptations. I listen to any type of music as I said in one of my blogs. This morning, I worked out as always! I work out every morning, regardless of how much sleep I’ve had from the night before. I feel like working out in the morning is a perfect way to get your heart pumping & blood flowing. Ideal way to wake the body up too. Working out is a great way to start the day & amazing self care too for me. Always puts my mind at ease too. Yet I am still craving for Doritos lol! If I had to pick two flavors that I love one is the nacho one which is definitely the OG flavor, sweet chili, & spicy nacho ones too. The reason why I am craving for them is from my work out today as Maria & I was texting back & forth about them, remising our senior year. Though she was more into the cool ranch flavor, which is my least favorite. I am sure every senior girl in high school can relate to this one, school supplies was a pens, five or a three subject notebook, text books, chapstick, keys & a book in their purse, tote bag or a mini backpack. Or it’s probably a New York “thing”. I would love to hear your out & imput on that. In my senior year, I am still the same person I am today at the age of 32. Being “cool & popular” came natural to me growing up all the way till now in my 30s. Key words, Just be yourself, keep it real, be genuine/authentic, be down to earth, be loyal & just be kind. Make your life, SO worth living! Of course have & maintain a positive attitude! Plus focus on the good, manifest in your self. Treat others how they want to be treated. All simple rules. More like life according to me. Like what the late Robin Williams said in the movie Jack, at the high school graduation part, always makes me choke up. “Make your life spectacular”. Also today Maria asked me “Are you a feminist?”. I replied back saying “Yes & damn proud of it”. I even ordered my 6 in a half year old cousin (Ella) who will be turning 7 in March, stickers of encouraging, empowering stickers on how to become a pro feminist like me. Though she does chant saying “The future is female”.I did speak of this in my previous blog, here is a little recap “It’s SO extremely important to have a strong female lead to look up to & idolize. Kind of like saying & ask yourself those questions “I inspire, aspire, strive to be & why?”. It could be the most simplest answer, like I look up to that person cause she is kind. For me I look for higher traits like her ambition, strength, courage, bravery, heroism, being an advocate, a lawyer. Any career, a man can do is a woman career too. After this pandemic finally comes to an end. I made up my mind, once this pandemic ends. I am going to retake my 75 hour course to become a licensed realtor yet again lol! Last time I took that course was in 2019, but felt like I was being rushed from moving out of my old house into my new house. I do want to specialize in short sales better known as foreclosure specialist. SO, I wrote a lot as always! Hope you all love & enjoy these blogs too. Be kind & subscribe! Keep the faith. Xoxo Much Love! 💕✨💗

#lifestyle

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momonetmoproblems · 4 years

Text

On Clout Nine

The Dangers of Social Media Pranks and Social Experiments

Have you ever seen something on social media and the only thing that your mind can come up with is “Why?!”

A popular saying on social media platform, Twitter, in response to the often obscene and unabashedly done acts and statements made is

“Clout is a dangerous drug”.

Lately, it seems like a lot of attention-deprived people on social media are trying to do the most shameful, extreme, scandalous, or ostentatious things for the rewards of the potential impact on each platform.

Clout is traditionally defined as influence in politics or business, but that definition has evolved to encapsulate having influence in online communities and, more accurately, wanting attention on social media.

Over 2 million Instagram posts have been tagged #clout, videos with the same tag have gained over 3.7 billion views on TikTok and, words such as cloutchaser (Bamidele, 2019), clout check and cloutlighting (Nagesh, 2018) have been coined. The word even inspired an app of the same name — “Klout”, a service which boldly displayed one’s social media interactions and engagements in the form of an algorithm generated figure (Edwards et al., 2013.) And, had that platform survived, people would have definitely found a way to wear their scores on their foreheads if they could or add it to their résumé. (Hello, influencer marketing is the present and the future.)

From licking ice-cream straight from the tubs and putting them back in the freezer to persons falling to their deaths from seven-story buildings after failed Planking Challenge attempts (Shears, 2011) or YouTubers dying from a close range shot to the chest during a stunt with a Desert Eagle handgun (Brantley, 2018), so many people across the world are craving the fleeting sensations of clout.

Users will therefore use a sensationalized headline or caption, clickbait, to garner as many clicks or interactions with their content as possible in tandem with the already obnoxious or shocking display, and people fall for it every time. It’s like those completely obvious magazines in supermarkets from the early 2000s that you find yourself picking up even though you KNOW the headline is a trap!

(Just look at these stories. I mean, 2006 Me is SHOOK!)

The development of the internet and social media has created new opportunities for using pranks and social experiments as a veiled means of accumulating clicks and engagement by social media users. This clout manifests in the form of likes, quote tweets and retweets, subscriptions, reposts, shares, among other tools. Stacey Koosel, in The Renegotiated Self: Social Media’s Effects on Identity, states that this need for attention, to share and be a contributing part of the online community:

...motivates people to share more with each other in hopes of entertaining their audience and receiving positive reinforcement or reception of the content they posted, and in doing so, creating a sense of camaraderie or community.

Therefore, according to Koosel, some Internet users engage in “electronic exhibitionism” in an effort to lure as much attention as possible, and become celebrities by the careful construction of their online identity.

While pranks and social experiments can be a good laugh or even eye-opening, in the form of social commentary or satire, sometimes, things go a little too far. These pranksters tend to get so high off of the fame these stunts bring them and the effects can be sobering. I call this On Clout Nine.

Physical Harm

The Tripping-Jump Challenge

Earlier this year, one of the most dangerous pranks to plague social media swept across the globe, claiming a few lives in its wake. The Tripping-Jump Challenge features an unsuspecting victim and two provocateurs on either side of him or her. The aim of the antagonists was to convince their target that they were all going to see who could jump the highest on camera, sometimes with a small cash reward as an incentive. When the middle person jumps, the persons on their right and left kick out their feet mid-air causing them to take an awkward tumble.

The injuries ranged from bruises to fractures to even death.

As news of the prank spread on social media, it wasn’t long before it was picked up by Jamaica’s youth and three Meadowbrook High School boys were met with the consequences. But, this challenge is merely one on a long list of pranks and social experiments that are steadily becoming a threat on our little island.

Popular local YouTuber and Prankster, iHeart Manii (née Kymani White), met his match when he scouted the Half Way Tree area for potential victims of his latest social experiment. For this act, Manii would pretend to find money at the people’s feet, hold the money up very obviously and either walk away or ask the person if the money is theirs.

Yuh ever owe a Jamaican money yet? Lol.

Naturally, the responses were downright comical as most participants were dishonest and, at times, convincingly insistent. Thus, the video was circulated on social media rapidly. Today, the May 8, 2019 upload has since gained over 187,000 views, 10,000 likes and almost 2000 comments. While this is a huge accomplishment for Jamaican content creators, any well-thinking person must wonder if Kymani has really assessed the risks associated with these stunts.

The woman in both screenshots above was the real star of this video as she violently challenged Kymani regarding the ownership of the money, even after being told countless times that the events were staged, eventually causing him bodily harm.

Despite run-ins with law enforcement and hostile responses to his antics from some Jamaican victims, Kymani continues to develop new prank ideas as his primary means of income and rise to fame, stating to Jamaica STAR Writer, Stephanie Lyew, “The more pranks I upload, the faster my followers grow; for example, each time I upload a prank I gain an average 400 new subscribers.” The STAR previously put Kymani’s page at 15,000 subscribers in May 2019, growing from 5,000 over ten months. Today, White’s channel boasts approximately 96,400 subscribers and the ongoing pandemic has not stopped him from executing and uploading his experiments and pranks.

Yes, these videos have proven to be profitable content but at what cost? The unpredictability of Jamaicans is what makes these pranks such a risk to the entire iHeart Manii team. Today, it’s the old woman stabbing him. Tomorrow, maybe the woman is a man, maybe the knife is a gun...

Furthermore, Manii’s pinned prank upload features himself and fellow Jamaican YouTubers, Gio of Gio and Ken, and Rolley of Trouble Link, calling local taxi companies under the guise of heading to the airport with an extremely heavy suitcase. Each of the young men takes a turn being secured within the luggage, unbeknownst to the cab drivers, until the hidden participant begins to struggle and groan giving the appearance of a kidnapping in progress.

The first and third drivers were perturbed and refused to take them upon the realization that the young men had kidnapped someone. The second driver, however, began negotiating the fare and admonishing them for not speaking in hushed tones due to the nature of the act they were about to commit. This was just as, or even more disturbing than, the prank itself and, of course, my mind took OFF:

This clearly isn’t the first time this man has done this!!!

Yeah, I’m never taking another taxi again, thanks, xoxo.

So many women have been kidnapped within the public transport system. Hello, Jasmine Dean?!

Which company does he work for? Mortec?! Gadgepro?! On Time?! Mortec????!

Would he have carried the act right through for the right price?! I bet he would, the scum.

Is he going to be investigated? Paging JCF!!!!

Not ONE of them couldn’t see something wrong with this???

But, I digress (one issue at a time, Monét, one issue at a time). However, my mental tirade brings me to my second point.

Desensitization

Around October 1, 2020, a chilling video of a woman being abducted circulated on social media. In the two-minute-and-20-second-long video, the woman is shown walking down a roadway before she is restrained and pulled into a motor vehicle by four masked men. The man, Nathaniel, driving the getaway car is the woman, Tish’s, boyfriend and the video was originally uploaded to the couple’s YouTube as a prank.

Scathing reviews were aired out on every platform the video could be found as social media users condemned the men for their insensitivity and came to the woman’s defense. However, story come to bump when the video was removed for violating the platform's harmful and dangerous content policy and the girlfriend blamed it on envious people and guaranteed that the couple would come back bigger and better. So...she was in on it?!

In an interview with The Weekend STAR, Trish claimed:

The prank was actually acted out. It can teach other persons. As you can see when I was walking, I was looking. Persons, young girls, should look around and know them surroundings. That was the whole idea.

These men seemed very experienced to several Twitter users, including myself.

Very believable, 10/10 performance.

Who knew Jamaica had so many fine male actors doubling as activists, aiming to raise awareness around kidnapping incidents?

Even if that was the intention, they went about it in the wrong way. There was no trigger warning to prevent potential viewers, or victims from having to see or relive their worst nightmare for a few laughs. The Jamaica Constabulary Force said it best in their statement addressing the situation:

Evidently, Cyberculture is blurring the lines between safe fun and harmful risks, between harmless pranks and trivialized social issues. For a little bit of clout, persons have been seriously hurt, sued, investigated by the authorities or have lost their lives. Social media has transformed the general perception on the value of lives as so many seem so eager to throw them away for a few clicks.

Moreover, when we trivialize issues in the form of pranks and social experiments, desensitization is amplified exponentially. While there may have been outrage in response to the couple’s kidnapping prank, who knows how many men secretly thought this was a good idea, who may desire to attempt it, take it too far, not in an effort to cReaTe AwARenEsS, but to really catch a woman unawares with the intention to do more than shake her up a bit?

Hopefully, these trends dissipate like so many ephemeral online fads. Until then, there is no doubt that these antics will only get worse, affecting more and more lives as this digi-cultural currency, clout, increases in its value and the risks increase in their damages. After all, when it comes to Cyberculture, the road to fame is paved with shame, (Koestenbaum, 2011.)

Meanwhile, I? Feel zero remorse for these cloutchasers and the repurcussions which are sure to meet them when they come down from their high.

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.

References

Bamidele, M. (2019, November 4). Clout Chasing: 5 instances celebrities have stirred controversies to stay relevant. The Guardian. https://guardian.ng/life/clout-chasing-5-instances-celebrities-have-stirred-controversies-to-stay-relevant/

Brantley, K. (2018, June 24). Pictured: Book that YouTuber died holding after encouraging his pregnant girlfriend to shoot him for videotaped stunt. DailyMail. https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-5878953/Prosecutors-release-pictures-bullet-holed-book.html

Education ministry warns against 'Jump Trip Challenge'. (2020, February 16). The Jamaica Observer.

Edwards, C., Spence, P. R., Gentile, C. J., Edwards, A., & Edwards, A. (2013). How much Klout do you have … A test of system generated cues on source credibility. Computers in Human Behavior, volume 29 (issue 5), pages A12-A16. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0747563212003767

Hobbs, R. & Grafe, S. (2015, June 30). YouTube pranking across cultures. First Monday, volume 20 (issue 7). https://journals.uic.edu/ojs/index.php/fm/article/view/5981/4699

Koestenbaum, W. (2011). Humiliation. New York: Picador.

Koosel, S. (2015). The Renegotiated Self: Social Media’s Effects on Identity. Alfapress.

Lyew, S. (2019, May 17). Kymani the prankster - Man leaves call centre job to fool around. The Jamaica STAR. http://jamaica-star.com/article/news/20190517/kymani-prankster-man-leaves-call-centre-job-fool-around

Merrifield, R. (2020, February 24). Parents warn kids against YouTube 'killer Jump Trip Challenge' after two deaths. Mirror. https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/parents-warn-kids-against-youtube-21563313

Nagesh, A. (2018, November 29). Cloutlighting: From online 'pranks' to toxic social media trend. BBC. https://www.bbc.co.uk/bbcthree/article/2f85d272-c509-4d2c-86bf-d4ed4f4e6d9b

Russell, T. (2020). Attorney Going After Miami-Dade School Board After Teen Injured In ‘Jump Challenge’ Prank. CBS Miami. https://miami.cbslocal.com/2020/02/11/jump-challenge-prank-south-dade-high-school/

Shears, R. (2011, May 16). Bizarre internet craze 'planking' claims its first victim after man plunges from balcony to his death. MailOnline. https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1387272/Planking-claims-victim-Acton-Beale-falls-balcony-death.html

Taylor, T. (2020, October 2). Kidnap prank’ creators surprised by backlash. The Jamaica STAR. http://jamaica-star.com/article/news/20201002/%E2%80%98kidnap-prank%E2%80%99-creators-surprised-backlash

White, K. [iHeart Manii]. (2019, May 8). “Gimmi me money” Finding money in public social experiment. [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tQUetpE2V8c&t=703s

White, K. [iHeart Manii]. (2020, March 28). Kidnapping Prank On Taxi Drivers (GONE WRONG) *must see* || Gio and Ken || Trouble link tv. [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X0HuRomRDzI

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