#like do something ugly for once
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GUYS HEAR ME OUT OKAY HEAR ME OUT
Boone sounds UNCANNILY similar to the man with no name in The Good The Bad and The Ugly OKAY??? UNCANNILY!!!! You tone down Boone’s emoness by like 20% and BAM Clint Eastwood.
#I rewatched this movie semi recently and the whole time I was laser focused on blondie like 👁👁 say something else#the whole movie is free on YouTube so I encourage anybody that hasn’t seen it in a while do a rewatch it’s very good#I watched it once as a kid with no idea what was going on but now with the mind of a 20 yr old I love it#my strongest memory of the film was tuco running around the graveyard frantically and that was IT#then I rewatched and went OHHHH cuz suddenly it made sense lol#fallout new vegas#fallout new vegas fanart#fnv#fnv fanart#Craig Boone#the good the bad and the ugly#crossover#fallout crossover#art#digital art#fanart#fallout fanart#fallout
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“She’s tolerable, but not handsome enough to tempt me”😤😤😤
(Regency AU with Eloise and Sebastian inspired by my slow trek through Bridgerton these days & @bassicallymaestra ‘s AMAZING regency inspired art😮💨😇🙏)
#I just have a love of big regency dresses what can I say😔🙏#if you haven’t seen them yet this is a study of the GORGEOUS P&P illustrations from the 1890s by Charles Brock#they are all just so spectacular & I stare at them alllllllllll the time wishing I had an ounce of his talent🙏🙏🙏#so I do these studies to pretend even though I change some things😅😅 bc these studies is the best way to improve imo🙏#but I remembered halfway through why I rage quit trying to draw with my fountain pen a year ago😂😂😂#that thing is amazing for writing and I love it like a child#but drawing?! tbh I should have used my drawing ink pen but whatever#I woke up with a hankering to do some crosshatching (which I hate) in an attempt to get over myself#also!!!!!! when Mr Darcy says something like that it’s no wonder Elizabeth jumps at the bit to believe every awful thing she hears about him#it’s like Mr wickham’s dumb stories that nobody else in their right mind would believe#are speaking right to her soul. like OF COURSE that asshole from the assembly would do all of those things😤😤#he called me ugly so OF COURSE he would deny mr wickham his living😤😤#(I don’t blame her I would do the same🤝🤝)#ALSO why tf did he even say that when he’s clearly smitten from the beginning#I’m sure if he knew that she heard him he would simply perish from mortification#well thst is my p&p - inking horror - inspiration rant of the day🙏🙏#(I read p&p at least once a year & it is the only fanfic I really read😅😅😅)#hogwarts legacy#hogwarts legacy fanart#hphl#sebastian sallow#hogwarts legacy mc#hogwarts legacy oc#eloise#eloise babbit#regency au
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This is such a harmful sentiment to push considering that you don’t necessarily have to be “attractive,” (beauty is subjective, yada yada) in order for men to want to harm you in the slightest… like man, what…
#the lady talks about being followed and harassed and so on as if every woman and girl in the world regardless of their age and#‘good looks’#hasn’t experienced this and will continue to#I hate when these girls especially ones who are conveniently attractive talk about stuff like this under the guise of speaking for all#women while x-ing out most women#this easily leads into the realm of ‘you’re too ugly/fat to be assaulted ANYWAY-‘#talk that I see spread by misogynists and bird brained women like it’s such a natural thing to even say it’s actually rly scary#especially when it comes to the assault shit which is usually about power and control anyway#they don’t care what you look like#you could be covered up head to toe and someone would try to hurt you just because#I hate when women like this go online thinking that they said something open their mouths I really do#rambling#tw assault#got dudes in the comments going ‘she’s not even pretty anyway she’s like a 4 out of 10’#completely missing the message (as if they care) and see#these are the kinds of people that stuff like this attracts#stuff like this coming out of a woman’s mouth especially is so dangerous#I don’t think I’m the most good looking person in the world and I’ve been followed sm times I had to run away from a guy once and luckily#my bus was right fucking there!!!#then the guy who was harassing me years ago at a bus stop and forced me to hug him and touched my butt and no one else was around to help#me…#and he kept on trying to get me to go back to his apartment around the corner like that was so#the man who followed me into the store as I was shopping and I noticed that he kept on staring at me#then tried to holla and he looked way older than me and I think he was a pastor or something too he had a nice car and tried to get me to#come with him#sm more incidents over the years like this is crazy pls don’t say stuff like this and act like it’s normal#someone in the comments said that people like the woman in the video think that being pretty will free them from the patriarchy and like…#YEAH 😭#it’s so obvious too lmfao#these be the same women calling themselves ‘girls girls’’
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He's a Beautiful Butterfly!
#tgcf#hua cheng#xie lian#In a moment of perfect seridipity; this was on the same page as my forgotten pahknohk redraw.#Butterfly creature hua cheng is one of my favourite doodles to do when I'm sitting around waiting for something or in a long meeting#They are all very silly and he is always having a good time. As he should be.#'OP Why?' I am once again putting it out in the universe that all the poorly drawn characters are 3-7 cm tall. They are all creatures.#If you wanna see pretty; ask to see San Lang. He's just the normaliest guy ever!#Hua Cheng in particular deserves to be a lot more monstrous and uncanny. Love me some uncanny HC designs#I also do want to reflect on the fact that initially I was like 'Dang his esteem is so low - he should be genuinely monstrous.'#then i realized 'oh god he's just like me for real (grew up ugly and unwanted and now can't reconcile with being Not That as an adult)'.#Growing up pretty privilege is not doubting what the hell people mean by complementing you. Why are you lying. What do you want.#Shout out to all of us insecure creatures. We'll get there eventually <3
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teehee
Happy birthday @shinechermont !
Here our girls hanging out because I thought it'd be fun uwu
Rose
thanks @ari-cuno for organizing that collab gift thingie!!!
#me doing artz#Vivid#Rose#aftermare shipkid#hey sweetie may your day be great#awesome even#I'm so proud of you#it's an honor to watch you grow#(and you will still grow regardless of what the law says ;3)#love you lots#you have a beautiful soul#can't believe the itty bitty baby I met years ago is leaving the kiddy room#aw my sappy sap isn't enough to my liking#oh I know#I think I said that often enough but never enough#you improved so much art-wise like it's crazy#don't get me wrong I still like your old stuff#but every once in a while I see an art of you on my dash and I take a second to think that wow#crazy it's the same person#I AM PICKING YOU UP AND SPINNING YOU#WE'RE DOING SPINNY#SPIN SPIN#you have no choice on the question#my arms are picking you up and you can't escape#that gif is sooooo rough but I felt I might get a bit shouted at for being unreasonable since I started this wednesday and believe me it wa#so tempting to go full on render and all but honestly I wouldn't have slept for several days and I thought you might hit me or something if#I pulled that again X'Dc#tho it was fun to allow myself to go rough and wing it so enjoy the ugly hug it was made with the heart#gift for AC
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"when did destiel sex happen for the first time?" i love that i'm living so far in my own obscure deluded doomed by the narrative canon-compliant version of surprisingly wholesome but tragic destiel that the only right answer isn't even an option on polls: stanford era.
#deancas#it's like.#you're in a car with an ugly old angel and he looks at you like he has loved and known you for years but you just met#and he wont tell you that he's hiding something from you but he's hiding something from you#and he reaches over and you let him hit bc you're lonely and he's saying all the things you wish your father told you#like he discovered a belief in a future where you'll have eye crinkles and your brother at your side and a home with your own bedroom#and you feel your heart taking root in your body until one day you wake up with a headache and no memory of him or the past 2 months at ALL#and you never have time to wonder about it bc its october 2005 and you have 327 episodes of horrors ahead of you#and they all happen exactly like they do on screen. destiel was real but it was also dead before the story even started#(other than that they only had sex in purgatory which dean came to regret bc it made him realize he's not into cas like that#and he had only invited him to his benny fuckfest bc they're friends and it seemed rude not to)#and dean never ever learns that they once were lovers. and for cas there's nothing to remember bc it hasnt happened to him yet#its beautiful. to me.#also slightly embarrassing for me as a person but nevermind that
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our flag is. so prettyyyy <33
IKR the colors are so pretty together
#yeah yeah orange and blue are contrasting colors so ofc they look nice together but#then the added shades of purple and pink....#I said it looked super pretty on twitter once and I got hundreds of qrts getting mad at me#calling it ugly???#something I've noticed about people that as soon as they start disliking something it suddenly becomes super ugly#and this applies to. literally anything#if a person becomes the new villain of the week on the internet I will see a huge influx of people calling them ugly#which says a lot about their character#I've seen art made with the lesboy colors and they always look great#like from an artistic standpoint they DO follow color theory pretty well#lesboy#our lesboy experience#lesbian#asks
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omw to play emotional support for my mom disguised as ✨fun family bonding time✨ for the rest of the week <3333 there's something so deeply wrong with me uwu teehee
#and i still havent texted my friend back even tho she texted me a week ago and i told her ill text her back this week when i have the time#and i DO have the time. im just fucked in the head and the prospect of having a conversation with another person where i again#have to pretend im not at the very brink of a serious mental and emotional breakdown. is making me lose my fucking mind#ik she's having a bad time rn and she needs the reassurance and jesus fucking christ i tried i had two long conversations with her#that were allllll about her. only her. not a single word about me. that's fine. this is what people need in such moments right#to just get patted on the head and hugged and told their suffering is real and what happened to them is unfair and just made to feel#that for a moment they're the centre of attention and it is all about them. this is normal. this is why therapy exists.#so i try to give this to her but it is fucking draining. and i NEVER get the same treatment back. like she caught me crying at uni last week#and like yes she'll say some nice things but she'll always find a way to turn the conversation back on the topic of ✨her✨#like we started talking about my therapy and i finally got to actually say a word or two about what im dealing with. but then she goes#'yeah im just trying to figure out what's wrong with me when i listen to you haha like i could never cut myself cause it looks ugly.#ofc it doesnt look ugly on you haha but i could never lol'#like thanks haha good to know ill just shut up then and steer the conversation back onto you why dont i. i mean its not like#i spent over an hour a few days back sitting with you and listening to your talk about your childhood and validating you and not saying#a word a single fucking word about myself even tho i was also going through it myself but who cares right. and now im the bad guy again#because im not texting back.#i feel like im finally fucking snapping cause at this point im properly fucking angry. IM having a bad time too. IM going through it too.#I have bad coping skills and had a fucked up childhood and traumas in my life TOO and im allowed to just not be able to handle it#i really wanna break something lol maybe therapy's working after all lmao#oh also this is why i dont eat breakfast. i do it once and then feel guilty and suicidal lol normal behaviour#pojebie mnie zaraz przysięgam na boga mam dość kurwa BASTA
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the amount of time I spend on tumblr dot com has given me quite the set of standards when it comes to artworks on the theme of 'Trans Angel', and actual museums are failing to meet those standards quite spectacularly.
#news from the cupola#if you don't want to hear a lot of inane whining stop reading this post Here.#today once again I saw this particular sculpture entitled exactly that. it is the most unpleasant thing I have ever beheld.#it is relevant that it is a sculpture about the transamerica pyramid and not about Transgender things. but I do keep forgetting that.#so many errors were made in the construction of this fucking thing. I have seen it maybe thrice at this point and it has not grown on me#in the slightest. and I know that the conversation about Good Art and what makes Good Art is certainly fraught.#but by my lights whatever this is this isn't good art#maybe it's partially that this thing is displayed among some really wild examples of Just What Can Be Done With Clay#it's surrounded by hundreds of years' worth of technical mastery and it fails to be anything of note except bad to see!#clunky sculpting! ugly glazing! forms that are difficult to parse but also not very interesting once you do see them!#and why in the goddamn does it have the twitter logo sculpted all over it. what is Happening.#everything else by this artist in this exhibit is also not great in similar ways?#it's not even bad in a way that's interesting! it's just. not good!#it all feels like they're trying far too hard to make Art That Means Something and missing by a mile#also. no one calls the transamerica pyramid that. You Say The Whole Name. or you just point at it and say 'that one'
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I was so concerned with the horrors of making a doctor's appointment and the horrors of finding a job that i completely forgot about the worst horrors of them all. Finding an apartment.
#i just realized that yesterday#after my appointment#and now my rest of my time off is ruined#because i have to find a place to stay and the chances are low that I'll find something okay#the student dorm apartment was the hight of luxury (pretty new. good stove. good bathroom. hot water....)#now I'm most likely going back to broken showers‚ old almost unusable stove‚ hot water every once in a blue moon‚ no room to move#ugly depressing dirty#my dream is unattainable i know#i don't even want more than one room (even though in the long run i would love to have an apartment with a kitchen in a separate room)#but i would love to have an oven#i know it's too much too ask and i should be happy if i have a functional stove#also a bathroom that doesn't look and behave like it's 100 years old and is fully functional would be so nice#and my actual most important concern is having enough space to work out#it doesn't need to be much. i just wanna be able to move freely enough so i don't have to worry about bumping into anything#when doing burpees and whatnot#but I'll take what i can get#if have no choice#i can't commute. the train connections are too bad.#alright#I'll message some people now and get rejection after rejection after rejection 🥲#void screams
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🏞🏞🏞
#the thing is I'm not proud of many things I've done. It's actually the exact opposite.#I kinda suck most of the time if I'm honest. but getting sober and doing it all on my own...#it's one of the only things I'm proud of when it comes to myself. sure.it's my third attempt but 1 year and 3 months...#it's the longest time I've ever managed to not try and deal with myself in a way that slowly but surely fucked me up in a very different way#I still struggle. some days are easier than others#but I'm still doing it.#being sober doesn't magically solve all my other issues but I don't spiral as much as I used to.#i don't think I'll ever be someone people can be around. which is like i don't blame people. i know how i am and how fucking difficult it is#to deal with that. the fear of abandonment that makes me push people away until they leave. the self-fulfilling prophesy of it all#the way i push and when i get the result i was expecting the immediate pull the fear and irrationality#the emotional disreggulation the self-pity#it's gotten better since i stopped drinking. less frequently and all that... but it's never gone not really#sometimes i think about the what could've beens.#what if my childhood went a little differently. what if my dad was there for me when i needed him. what if i wasn't me.#my ex best friend once told me that I'm to desperate to be saved. that nobody can do that anyway.#I'm not sure if I'd deserve it anyway. i have dreams in which I'm still me still dark and ugly and selfish and cruel at times#but i am trying i like to believe that i am already trying. i am. I'm just scared that it'll never be enough.#I'm not proud of many things but I'm 1 year and 3 months sober#only a few days and it's gonna be 1 year and 4 months#i didn't achieve much in my life but I'm here and i am trying every day i am trying and i hope on day it'll be enough#i hope one day i won't cause pain but build something good#sorry... I've just been thinking about it lately#because it is an achievement and i didn’t let myself be proud of how far I've come#alex talks#I'm still scared that people will look at me differently when they know... sometimes i feel like they can see the my rotten core anyway#to delete
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Finally, some delicious fucking news
#gsmnp#great smoky mountains#great smoky mountains national park#tennessee#north carolina#clingmans dome#cherokee#native american#indigenous american#tbh clingmans dome is such an ugly ass name#y'all cannot believe the level of seethe going on in the Instagram comments section for this one#it's like 700 old people being so racist you're ashamed for them but they don't notice they're being cringe#like. the best you can argue against it is the Cherokee didn't live in that labd first. that's it.#and even that is weak because I'm pretty sure the eastern band of the Cherokee nation was here longest#if you want to try arguing that we can't use old names for places bc what if someone had a name for it before that...#...then we suddenly do not have names for anything! congrats!#anyway. I'm happy to see the park doing something good for once.#if you read into the history of gsmnp it's one misstep after another#those in charge probably meant well. but so much needless destruction happened to create my favorite park#anything done to bandaid that harm is a step in the right direction
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tbh tho i think my art is fugly af LMFAO
#not in a '>w< eeeek! i wish i could drawww 🥺 i can only cobble such measle crap with my lowly peasant paws.. *unveils mona lisa*'#sense but like a my style makes me want to hurl whenever i look at it bcs it's a constant reminder that it can only be what i can make it be#and bcs it looks bad to me then that means i cant make things look good if u get my sense like#idk man 😭!! im just sick of being scribbly!! and not clean! i wanna ink my art! have crisp lines! dark lines!!#not have to put stupid darkening filters on everything bcs i cant color or shade so my art is just stuck with the blinding white background#well the frustration is more how i CAN color and shade.. i CAN ink my lines with a darker one#lets not excuse my laziness now cmon ted omg dumbass bitch#it's just that doing so makes me . crazy#my attention span like. crumbles when i try to add color or ink over lines bcs thats Such a commitment to me#i HATE leaving things unfinished when it seems so monumental#like unfinished sketches or prompts? fine. those are sketches. little prompts. even if u post it it's shit#but starting big things is a COMMITMENT.. with CONSEQUENCES ! ! i just want to avoid them ig#it's like im stuck between art being a fun lil past time and being a perfectionist actually so no. no it is not#but also i NEED to draw i NEED to write SOMETHING! SOMETHING!! then i realize the weight of things and purposefully hinder myself#then later hate myself for hindering even tho it felt so good and right in the beginning ORGHH or WHATEVER#idk one of my friends told me my style reminded them of the new tmnt movie (which has been praised yeah#for like beautiful ugliness tho) and like. i KNOW it's a compliment... but. why did it make me Feel 😭 like i wanted to rip my art 2 shreds#once i lined my art and my friend (an artist i admire) said smthin like 'omg finally! ted lined art! gorgeous!'#& i KNOW. I KNOW IT'S A COMPLIMENT. BUT WHY AM I THINKING LIKE. SO VIOLENT. NOT ABT THEM. BUT MY SHIT NOW#like UGHHH i just HATE feeling trapped and helpless when actually theres help available but im just DUM!! JUST LINE UR ART TED#art is like playing sport is like making good grades is like working well is like being a good friend is like being a good person#literally. just be GOOD.#it's all a performance to me ARGHARGH! I HATE THE JOKER! I HATE BEING CRINGE@! RAGGHH I HATE THIS SHIT#<- mfs when no basketball#mfw i cannot avoid enlightenment via the meaningless distractions i codepently craveRAGGHG!!!!!!1!
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i genuinely need to be put down like a dog i cant do this anymore man holy shit
#yall dont know the meaning of terminally online til u meet me#i hate myself so much its not even funny i am the most miserable worthless scum#my sleep schedule is 7am to 3pm all i do all day is rot on the couch and sometimes draw if i have a drop of motivation#depression is completely kicking my ass and im not even fighting back i give up what the fuck man#theres not even a point for me to keep trying i just want to stop feeling such deep despair 24/7 please#i dont want to die i just want the pain to stop so i can peacefullylive out the rest of this year before i turn 18 and its all over for good#but i cant even have that! im just gonna suffer the whole time thanks great#i wish i could just get better and fix all of this but i cant its not working we dont have the money to#actually get me the help i need to make it work. i just have to figure it out or die#i just wanna go back to ***** ** *** i just want to stop being lonely and useless#i dont know why im posting this shit to tumblr. its so stupid i should just be journaling or something#probably because im worthless selfish scum. idfk.#the last 6 months have been a complete blur. just rotting on the couch or in bed occasionally seeing friends once every other month or so#ive already wasted half of being 17 abd im probably gonna waste the rest too. ill do nothing of worth before i die.#even my art is ugly and horrible and not worth leaving behind. people tell me to work to improve it but i dont have the time left#ill never create any of the things i wanted to create ill never be a good artist im just going to die exactly like this#an absolutely terrible person.#the only people i can talk about the things that make me a terrible person with are people who are terrible in even worse ways#no one can comfort me except them because theyre the only people who know what ive done and actually do see it as less than absolute evil#because they know absolute evil because it is them. but i actually don’t believe that i think theyre bad but could be good#idk what im saying anymore#someone shoot me#please im not kidding#just make it stop#tw vent#tw sui#delete later
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Hm. I think it could be useful to talk with my therapist about dealing with rejection in a healthy way before I try to start dating.
#FINALLYY a good idea that i CAN do to better myself#bc every time i look something up it's just “better yourself” and “work on your self esteem” and vague long-term things like that#and I HAD THIS IDEA. incredible.#BUT yeah. ive only been outwardly rejected Once and I still think about it a year later. so. working on this could Definitely help a lot#magg text#the thing is. i never really blamed my friend when he rejected me. its just that she was pretty vague about it#and my mind automatically translated it to “she realized youre just too ugly and weird”#to actually be in a relationship with you“
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i think my tolerance for moe (ie the anime stuff) is in freefall rn
#(very long tags just a warning)#once you start realising how ingrained the idea is of youth as the ultimate ideal is you see it everywhere and it gets annoying#the way most popular media is about teenagers doing stuff. the way all the popular art is conventionally attractive people#people calling porcelain doll-faced anime girls in gachas ''milfs'' and ''grandmas''#and in the same way the moe ideal is of youthful characters you can find ''cute'' or you're meant to feel you want to protect#something that's more about what they make you feel rather than anything seen as an actual person#and ''moe voice'' anime girl samples/vocals are everywhere in some the genres of music i listen to#so of course this shit is everywhere online. you go to discuss a certain game and nobody gives a fuck about the female mc as a person#they just want to share sanitised art where she's cute or in a maid outfit or whatever#they never have to think about the female characters in a story when they can just call her cute and share said art#they don't want a person they want something cute#age lines and anger and low periods and certain body types and other facts of life considered ''undesirable'' have no place in moe#people don't want that stuff. and that's what gets me. it's internalised and ingrained EVERYWHERE#and that's transformed into something very ugly in that it's being taken as an ideal rather than a character type#and it means a lot of the things i think are part of the experience of living are cut out and ignored and treated as unwanted#as well as manifesting as ageism and racism and xenophobia at worst when taken as an actual ideal#why do you think there are so many far right wingers who love all that moe stuff and have anime pfps?#anyway back to my main point of irritation with youth as an ideal: that's just an extreme case#i consider moe a form of crystallisation of youth as an ideal as well as what Certain People want from women#and that's why i find myself. tolerating it less.#i don't want a small anime girl to find cute and ''protect'' and otherwise not think about i want a PERSON#anyway ik nobody's gonna read this i just. i tried to listen to a mashup album from 2011 today#i got annoyed with the constant high pitched moe voice samples and had to turn it off bc i was thinking about all of this#i've never really gotten annoyed w it like this til now tbh
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