#like everything i loved about these spaces just doesnt exist

[wesawbears]

--

[sensitivegoblin]

Vent

Tw: honestly everything

[obsob]

the uk's supreme court ruling is just the most insane thing ever these people are freaks. not ONCE in any of the bbc articles do they mention at all what they actually mean by 'biological sex' but im guessing they mean pussy . so . u want my big muscular hairy 100% 'passing' ftm bf in ur changing room?? in ur bathrooms?? would that make u feel comfy and safe??????? like they constantly leave out trans men of this argument most likely bc they know what adding them in completely dissolves their entire argument its so funny

and these arguments and "facts" are just not based in any sort of reality at all . like . what? all trans women are actually men and the reason why theyre doing all that is so they can infiltrate womens spaces to assault them? tfw ur a man and u want to assault a women but th door she went through has a little stick figure in a dress on it so u go 'damn' and walk away sadly. like. GIRLS. completely not only just disregarding any statistics that prove this is not in fact happening, or at the very least not happening to the degree they act like it is, but also ignoring the fact completely that women are very capable of assaulting women!! like that happens!!! women are not these perfect untouchable always-the-victim creatures . they're just people!! and all people are capable of evil!! trans, cis or otherwise!! YES men are more likely to assault women than any other group of people, but that is not because they are men and were born with evil in their hearts, its because of the way boys are raised and how normalised misogyny is in our society!!!!! by making everything about biology u completely disregard this fact, which both removes blame from the men who do assault women AND does nothing to help solve the social issues which cause this to happen in the first place!!! girls you are so weird!!!!!!!!

FUTHERMORE! im sorry but if u have intense trauma so bad that you cant spend any amount of time in the presence of man, that is ur problem to heal. you cannot expect the world to mold itself around YOUR trauma and triggers. it is your responsibility to keep yourself safe. just because u dont like something or something makes u uncomfy it doesnt give you the right to just campaign it out of existence sorry !

all my lovely uk trans women ESPECIALLYYYY my poc trans women i love you so so much you deserve the everything and the world is better and brighter with you in it!! one day everyone will see that and it will be a kinder existence for everyone because of it <33333 i love u so so much everything will be okay one day bc we will make it okay i prommy

[natsswife]

I kinda wanna kiss your girlfriend if you dont mind<3

pairings: nat x fem!reader

summary: nat is head over heels and kinda obsessed w you but thinks you have a boyfriend:(( (u dont)

cw: nat hatesss your “boyfriend”, brief mention of alcohol and cigs, “cheating” on ur bf from nats pov

notes: just something silly a wrote in one sit while listening to after midnight by chappell<3 *starts blasting it*

men&cishet ppl dni ty

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ❀˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ❀˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ❀˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ❀˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ❀˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ❀˚ ༘♡ ⋆˚

༘⋆ obsessed!Nat who loves to sit next to you during classes everytime she has the opportunity and that ugly rat- i mean boyfriend of yours isnt near bothering and taking all of your attention, because these little moments are one her biggest opportunities to talk to you, gossip about anything and try to see if there's at least a small chance that you like girls???

༘⋆ obsessed!Nat whose favorite time of the week is when the team have soccer match because that means she can shower u with lots of compliments without sounding weird (so in love with you) cuz for her you're one of the best players in the team, and also take it as an opportunity to ask you for advices and why not? train together everyday after classes so nat can improve her game (pass more time with you) <33

༘⋆ obsessed!Nat who sometimes finds her obsession with you weird because how comes the most “i dont give a fuck abt anything” girl is now giving too much fuck about someone and is now tracking down that ugly boyfriend of yours to see if hes cheating or something so she can tell you and enjoy how you break w him on front of everyone, cuz that means she will a chance with you.

༘⋆ anddd obsessed!Nat who got bored of tracking him down because she now discovered a whole new level of nerd thanks to your ”boyfriend” she almost finished her packs of cigs and he was still stuck at the library reading and reading some boring shit and not talking to anyone, not even some girl that help her caught him red handed or something, but the real question is how can *you* the coolest girl ever, be with such a loser?? how did you never got bored of just hearing him yap about some nothingburger comic?? maybe that's why she never saw you kissing or closer with him, and thanks to that Nat now knows that you need some real fun and she’ll make sure she is the one making you have it, because Nat needs to steal you from that man who’s making u lose your time and be with someone who really loves you and that's her!!!!

༘⋆ so its all set up, during that party some random is gonna throw in a few days Nat's gonna confess her feelings, and she's confident, not because shes kinda obsessed with you and tired of waiting (she is) but also bc it never went unnoticed to her how sometimes you looked at her while she was writing something during class, it always made her sweat and fuck up whatever she was writing, but she never moved because you looking at her made her feel that god heard her non existent prayers and made her feel like she might have a chance? whatever mixed signals you were giving her had nat jumping full of joy mentally

༘⋆ and when the day comes, everyone’s wasted and as soon she spot you with Tai and Van, Nat takes her last shot of whatever deadly combination of drinks kevyn made for her bc for sure she will need some alcoholic encourage to express her love and how she capable of kissing the floor you walk.

༘⋆ she just takes you to a more "safe of men and that ugly rat you have as a bf" space and lets everything out in a kinda “im sorry doll dont hate me but you look way too gay to be with a man, especially that ONE” way while looking at your bf who is talking with jeff and his group (how did he managed to not get bullied by them? she doesnt know and doesnt care lowk)

༘⋆ Nat’s heart did a 180 backflip inside her chest when she saw your beautiful smile just got wider after her confession and a “oh my.. nat are you serious” from you made her sweat like she has been in a marathon, were you expecting this orr…

 “yeah why would a lie” she let a nervous giggle out and with that something she never expected happened

༘⋆ you just threw yourself into her arms?? and started kissing her??? It was a short, nervous but sweet kiss, both of you nervous as hell but Nat is now confused because why are you cheating on your rat in front of everyone??

༘⋆ but anygays would he mind if she kinda wanna kiss his girlfriend? again after she made the first move?

“NONONO HES NOT MY BOYFRIEND DUMBASS” you let that out almost yelling, do you really look that straight??

༘⋆ u couldnt even hide your excitement because you’ve been waiting for her to make the first move, since you were such a pussy to do that, especially in the toxic world you're all living but now who give a single fuck, the beautiful girl you have been crushing for ages, the one who isnt afraid of showing who she is, dont give a fuck about anything (she now do and thanks to you) is now confessing how much she loves you, and ofc you wont miss the opportunity to kiss her again and again and again, after all everyone is wasted right now.

༘⋆ Nat couldnt believe when you told her that he’s just your childhood friend who got recently transferred and thats why you were close, helping him adapt to the highschool and everything, nat now knows she kinda fucked up by calling him names, tracking him down and deliberately hating him but thats on another topic.

༘⋆ but what she REALLY can't believe is when you confessed that you liked her as well!!! 

“I dont know if it's maybe the moonlight who have horny powers, this moment or whatever but… wanna go to my house?” Nat just kissed you as an answer, she’s not gonna waste the opportunity to have you all for herself this night and is gonna make sure you wake up in her arms everyday by now<3

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ❀˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ❀˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ❀˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ❀˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ❀˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ❀˚ ༘♡ ⋆˚

Do not translate w/o permission, copy or use for AI training, train ur useless brain instead<3

[skrunksthatwunk]

let it be known that this started as what if i became a doll collector and the answer is still that im unemployed

what if i became a figure collector (<- unemployed)

[boopshoops]

Heya!

Things are lookin rough right now, huh? But here are a few reminders:

Your blorbo will still be here tomorrow.

You have people who love and care and support you.

Policies and enactments will not all be immediate. Everything will not go to shit all at once.

Things getting harder doesnt mean they're impossible.

It's okay to be upset. It's okay to be scared. It's okay to cry. That does not make you weak.

I know there are some individuals like me who did not feel safe voting due to outside factors, like living with individuals who support trump or being disabled, do not blame yourself. (Excuse me for getting personal, yes I do want to move out. Very badly. Sadly my mental and physical health are not in a space to do so yet).

This is the last term he is allowed in office. After that, I can't help but think about how the more extremist supporters- would they even want to vote? Idk. But it's food for thought. Safe to say the voter turnout for either side was insane compared to previous years, if we keep that stride up, I honestly think and hope the democrats are almost guaranteed the next election. But this is just me blabbing.

Block tags you aren't in the mindset for seeing rn. It's okay, no one is going to villainize you when the election process is giving you a panic attack. If they try, ignore them. This is for you, not them.

We've survived through one term. We can survive through another. I know it feels difficult right now while thinking about things like access to healthcare or prices skyrocketing or job security, but we really have. Things will get better. We will push through.

Here are some ideas that might help with mental health right now:

Eat some of your favorite food

Look up pictures of your favorite animal

Watch some funny or wholesome videos

Go for a walk

Exist. Because sometimes that is enough

Positive affirmations

Schedule an appointment with your therapist if you have one

Drink water. Or dont! Maybe drink a different thing that you like.

Remind yourself that these feelings will pass.

They cannot steal your identity from you. Internally, you know who you are. Even if you're still figuring it out. They can't take your mind. Your thoughts.

To those like me dealing with finals right now. Its okay. Take that break.

I love u /p

[sandgrassbagel]

thinking about dean and faith. i have better articulated thoughts on it when I'm not tired, but thinking about how "faith" and "houses of the holy" give us the whole picture regarding dean's faith. he believes in what he can see, and he has seen evil. he believes in evil because he's seen it corrupt good people. he doesn't believe in angels or god because neither did a damn thing when azazel killed mary, and because neither does a damn thing to help the people screwed over by random and unpredictable evil.

essentially, dean has no faith because nothing protected his mother from dying. nothing kept random and unpredictable evil from shredding his family's peace and life. nothing kept the effects of that evil from turning a "good man" (john) into a shell of who he was that became hyperfocused on revenge. he has no faith because the forces of good that he could have faith in, if they exist, all sat by and did nothing as the people dean loves most had their lives corrupted and ruined.

and then comes cas. who becomes dean's faith. the only angel he willingly and readily trusts. his best friend. the one who knows him best and is his safe space. his everything. dean's faith isn't in god, it's in a fallen angel. an angel that falls for him.

when dean prays, he doesnt pray for himself. in s4, its for help in stopping the demons. in s8, its for cas to look out for sam because he's worried for him. in s9, its for an angel to help sam because he's out of options. in s13, its for a god he has met but still doesn't really believe in. and he begs god to bring back the one person he has faith in. but god does not care, and does not listen. just like when he was a little kid, the powers that be do nothing as dean has lost everything. of course he has no faith. why would he?

[mythalism]

I was wondering (because I love your Solas and solavellan analyses) what do you think of s*lrook? It doesn’t work for me, not because I like solavellan, but because I just don’t like Rook and some other reasons that I’m having trouble articulating. Something along the lines of “Solas mirrors” and, as Rook, we can only ever really approach him as though he is a villain with little nuance and can never ask (the man that started out as spirit of wisdom) any questions. I think maybe it would have been more interesting to me if BioWare gave Rook more meaningful regrets and let us have more rpg elements. Anyway, feel free to disagree with me or not answer this if you think it may gain negative attention. I just like the way your brain works and was curious about your thoughts because you might have an interesting perspective!

i honestly dont think of s*lrook like ever. truly it does not occupy any space in my mind. i think its probably similar to what you are feeling, which is that rook is so nothing its like putting solas with a cardboard cut out. and maybe that is why the issue of solas mirroring rook comes in; there is nothing for him to reflect. rook is also so meaningless to solas that he has no incentive to meaningfully engage with them. with the inquisitor, solas was literally tied to them by the anchor and had no choice but to spend time with them to get his orb back. but that is a process that develops over an entire year. he gets sucked into the inquisition and cannot help himself but become part of it. even solas who hates the inquisitor is deeply involved in everything they do, every decision they make he becomes complacent in as part of their inner circle. even with an inquisitor he hates, he cannot help but develop attachments to the other members of the inquisition. he is actively carrying out the inquisition's purpose. if they do something he doesnt like, such as recruit the templars or keep the wardens or kill the sentinels, it makes sense for him to speak up, to challenge the inquisitior, to make his distaste known because he is directly involved. he is also directly responsible for corypheus gaining such power. all of this personal entanglement in the events of inquisition give him and even a low-approval inquisitor a dynamic that is interesting and complex. their erasure into a figurehead for the purpose of a cause is familiar to him at the very least. the way he reflects the inquisitor is entrenched in the plot and who they both are as characters. he reflects the inquisitor because the inquisitor is walking the same path he was forced to.

in veilguard, i think that him being trapped for so long was a mistake writing-wise. despite solas being literally integral to EVERYTHING HAPPENING, he feels completely separate. he only has a few things to say about each major plot point, we can barely ask him more than a few questions about anything throughout the entire game, we dont get to confront him on his memories, we dont get to see him react with anyone. he literally exists in a vacuum. there is nothing for him to reflect, nothing for him to engage with. he is literally in an empty room, talking to an empty character. what is there to work with in that? where is there a relationship to be had? they kept telling us that rook reminded solas of himself which is honestly hilarious in retrospect because what??? where??? how??????? because they did something rebellious one time??? but solas and rook never actually talk about that. they never actually talk about anything about rook's life. solas doesn't even pass judgement on their decisions. their conversations all have the same set end point. his goal from the beginning is always to shape them into taking his place in the prison (however the fuck that works) and all of their interactions are defined by that, and happen in the shadow of rook ruining his ritual and releasing the evanuris. compared to solas and the inquisitor, who at their core, is a manifestation of his mistakes as a victim of his underestimation of corypheus and the bearer of his anchor which will eventually destroy their body. there is an immediate thread of guilt and connection through those circumstances. for solas and rook, the opposite should actually be true; rook should feel guilt for getting solas trapped through their carelessness, but they clearly dont lol. its just so nothing. rook is so nothing. solas reflecting rook thus is also nothing. there is a reason the game picks up so much when we see him outside of the prison, talking to the companions, having a moment with emmrich, being eviscerated by harding, killing ogres in one hit, tearing into an archdemon... its pretty mutually agreed upon as the best part of the game? why would you make a character that, as a spirit, reflects his environment, and then put him in an empty room in the game named after him? and then why would you set him up with an empty protagonist who was clearly designed only to further the plot and not have a real story or arc of their own? flop.

[elles-home]

you know how every so often you see posts circulating about a prophesized guy that runs away from the prophecy? that’s monkey d luffy

he isn’t even acknowledging it could be him. as far as he cares, all that’s really at hand here is that his peak form looks like this god guy. that’s it though. luffy’s not a god so like? really cool you guys are religious and bless your faith but that’s not him

and not to be the guy that says “that’s what makes him a good chosen one” because yeah kinda? like let’s look at existing prophecies about luffy specifically. the one about him destroying fishman island

luffy will leave that country in fire and ash and im doing so we know he is fulfilling some of the interpretations of the religious text: the destroyer who lays waste to all

and now i am heading into fanon spaces, people predict the destroying is a side effect of his liberation. ever since the prophecy of luffy destroying fishman island has been made, the fandom has theorized he will lift the people of fishman island above water. the great big ship in fishman island is there for a reason. and again, in doing so, he is fulfilling those theorized about him again, about the whole “the hero who appeared to save the world from disaster.”

i think the texts about nika is befitting of a god. what does a god care about the temporary destruction of a land if it is a means to achieving their goal of saving and liberating a people. a god knows people are resilient. a god will see through their vision and wont mind being branded as evil for doing so. a god knows best

and not to say luffy is a god because i am of the firm camp that luffy isnt nika reincarnated but he is the chosen one as in it has been prophesized someone like him would come and he is here and he isnt joyboy reincarnated either, as in the guy who is joyboy, but also again, he (luffy) is the chosen one for joy boy as well (i particularly subscribe to saiga tiberius runner on tiktok who theorizes that joyboy is a title rather than a name and is therefore one that is bestowed upon luffy as the liberator. which i think fits the whole someone will come 800 years later that will take the world by storm and his laughter will ring as he saves people. i like “joyboy” being a title more than a guy that luffy is reincarnated into)

anyway luffy being joyboy makes me happy because he does it because he wants to. he is kind because he wants to because someone fed him and he needs to be kind to them and he doesnt care if in being kind to them he is disrupting everything else (thinking about dressrosa right now) because nothing is more important to him than the selfish need to repay the debt

i may be repeating myself now but i adore luffy being exactly what is prophesized of him not because of a prophecy but because of who he is as a person down to his soul. because luffy isnt doing this because this was what was prophecised, he would be doing this regardless of set into motion 800 years ago, he would be doing this anyway because he wants to

regardless of a prophecy, luffy will be liberating because thats who he is. a boy that loves freedom and being free

luffy is freedom and liberation. and to him, its just a coincidence this god nika and this guy joyboy was too

[caligvlasaqvarivm]

Love is Stored in the Cat: A Nepeta Leijon Character Study

I guess these are a series now! I also have a request for Feferi in my inbox that I'll get around to eventually.

SO! Dear, sweet Nepeta.

Nepeta is the troll that is most against the existence of the hemocaste.

I believe the Ultimate Self speech was originally going to be from her, not Davepetasprite^2.

She's bad at shipping.

These all make her extremely impurrtant!!!

So furst of all, I'm going to start with the same disclaimer as my Eridan essay (go read that first!!! It sets up a lot of ideas that I'm expanding on here), which is that the things Hussie says are going to be lowered in value, because he likes to play coy about plot stuff. I'm also not counting anything but the actual text as canon, and even with in that text, I'm counting everything after GAME OVER as soft canon - a suggestion of what would have been, often truncated for time, often a deliberate middle finger to the shitty fandom.

Okay, so with that squared away!

Nepeta Says Fuck The Hemocaste

I'm not going to bother doing a deep dive on Nepeta's characterization, because fur the most part, I think the fandom more or less gets her right - she wears her heart (h33h33) on her sl33ve, after all! She's a very sweet little catgirl who loves roleplay and shipping, who is also a vicious hunter of wild beasts and lives in a cave. She's very nice and friendly, but has a tough streak and a spine.

She also says fuck the hemocaste, why does that even exist:

CT: D --> Your fraternization with the base classes have 100sened your morals, can't you see this AC: :33 < no! i dont care, they are fun AC: :33 < and i dont know anything about classes or bases or blood color, it doesn't matter! AC: :33 < what does gr33n blood even mean! it doesnt mean anything to me and it shouldnt mean anything to anyone else!

This is a radical stance not outright shared by any of the other trolls. Aradia calls highbloods "hateful sn0bs" that she and Tavros shouldn't have "ever had anything t0 d0 with", the highbloods are, of course, all casteist to varying degrees, and even Karkat seems fairly accepting of the class divide, at one point taunting Vriska that her rejection from the blue team is "ANOTHER INFURIATING VICTORY FOR GUTTER BLOOD OVER ARISTOCRACY". Not to mention his long-held dream of becoming a threshecutioner.

Even Feferi, despite saying to Eridan that "W-E AR-E NOT B-ETT-ER T)(AN ANYBODY!!!!!", is actually perfectly comfortable with the caste system's existence, comparing having to stop using her royal typing quirk to "peasant-IFICATING" herself - and let's not forget that a Beforus under her rule had its caste system 100% intact.

This means that Nepeta is the ONLY troll who has said, in no uncertain terms, that the caste system should not exist. It's stupid, it's bad, and it doesn't meowtter!

AND SHE'S RIGHT.

But she's never able to fully express this opinion, which brings us to:

A COMPLICKATED RELATIONSHIP WITH EQUIUS

Now, before I say anything, I must insist that I do believe these two work as good moirails. That does not, however, stop them from being 13, and therefore, being poor to each other the way 13-year-olds sometimes are. I don't think they should break up; I think they should re-examine certain dynamics, and I think they need some space to breathe apart from each other.

Equius has a lot of problems, which I won't get into overmuch here, because... that's a whole essay on its own (are you people seeing a trend yet). But with regards to Nepeta specifically, he's extremely controlling and protective, to the point where she's a little scared of him before the game begins:

AC: :33 < well it does sound like it will be a lot of fun but i think i should get purrmission first GC: BL4R!!!!! GC: TH4TS SO STUP1D GC: H3S NOT TH3 BOSS OF YOU AC: :33 < i know! AC: :33 < but still im kind of scared of him and i think purrhaps its best to just run it by him first so there isnt a kerfuffle about it or anything

She's also afraid to tell him about her crush on Karkat, since she knows he doesn't like Karkat:

AC: :33 < well AC: :33 < i have never told anybody this not even my moirail AC: :33 < heh, actually hes the LAST guy i might tell, he so wouldnt appurrve X33 AC: :33 < but yes i have liked somebody for quite some time, but alas he doesnt know it

By the time they end their game, she's gotten over this fear, seeing as she spends many hours curled up with Equius in a pile of robotics parts, but it still must be noted that they have some issues in their relationship that were never resolved, primarily on Equius's end. What this means for Nepeta, however, is that in addition to setting her up as the most outright anti-classism troll, the comic sets her up to be socially isolated due to her moirail's paranoia about letting her associate with both lowbloods (seeing them as bad influences) OR other highbloods, seeing them as dangerous.

He's not entirely wrong - his refusal to allow her to participate in FLARP kept her from winding up entangled in the horrible chain of revenge, as Tavros alludes:

AT: iT'S PROBABLY FOR THE BEST, AT: tHAT YOU LISTEN TO HIM, AC: :33 < i dont know AC: :33 < you think so? AT: wELL, AT: iF YOU DIDN'T LISTEN TO HIM BEFORE, AT: yOU MIGHT HAVE PLAYED GAMES WITH US BEFORE, AT: aND SOMETHING BAD MIGHT HAVE HAPPENED TO YOU, AC: :33 < hmm purrhaps

But he's still wrong. And it's probably an uncontrolled manifestation of his Heir of Void abilities - he's both consciously and unconsciously hiding her from other people.

This isn't to say she doesn't stand up for herself! Many of her discussions with Equius are pseudo-arguments, and she does get her way often enough, managing to get him to roleplay with her, and managing to get him back in the roboti% pile to talk about his feelings about Aradia. She also talks to the humans explicitly against Equius's orders, although she's keeping it a sneakret from him:

NEPETA: :33 < but equius already furbid me from doing that :(( NEPETA: :33 < not that i am listening to him, but shhhhh! :33 KARKAT: WAIT, HE DID? KARKAT: OK, THEN AS YOUR LEADER I ORDER YOU TO RP WITH THEM AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE. BE AS OBNOXIOUS ABOUT IT AS YOU CAN. NEPETA: :33 < yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!

But the fact that she has to tiptoe around him like this speaks to them having issues in their relationship that go unexamined and unresolved, especially since it's clear that Nepeta really would like to be friends with more people, were Equius not getting in her way. So, even though I do think they are good moirails for each other - they clearly genuinely, deeply care about one another. But they could use some relationship counselling.

In fact, Jasprosesprite^2 outright calls her lonely:

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Or the girl who likes ships! Cause they made her less lonely. ;3

So, she's anti-hemocaste and lonely, two character traits that were set up and never resolved. And beclaws this is Nepeta, in her honor, I'm going to talk about a third:

Her Unrequited Crush On Karcat

She has the BIGGEST flushed crush on Karkat. It's seen on her shipping wall twice, once with the word OTP on it.

And, despite never discussing it with her moirail, Nepeta mentions it once to Jaspersprite, and once to Jasprosesprite^2.

Now, I'm not really here to debate on the validity of KatNep - I think it's fine, even if I don't personally ship it, and don't personally think it would work out (there are lots of indications that they wouldn't work out, including Jasprosesprite^2 outright saying so). However, her crush on Karkat is both complicated and creates some interesting setups for her character. I am going to discuss it fairly critically either way, so KatNep shippers have been warned.

A lot of her feelings about Karkat - and about shipping in general - wind up being heavily interlinked with her status as a Hero of Heart, so I'm going to expand on it more there. But what I will note in this section is the fact that, despite Nepeta insisting twice that she doesn't think Karkat knows about her crush on her:

NEPETASPRITE: :33 < it was karkat NEPETASPRITE: :33 < but i never told him and im pretty sure he never found out how i felt!

He tooootally did:

KARKAT: OK, BUT TO BE FAIR, I'M PRETTY SURE SHE'S STILL OBSESSED WITH ME. KARKAT: IT'S A VERY UNFORTUNATE, VERY RED AND VERY UNREQUITED SITUATION I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TIPTOE AROUND FOR A LONG TIME, OK?

Interpret that how you will for shipping purposes, but I want to propose that this is a reflection of their statuses as Heart and Blood players. Heart, despite its players' obsessions with romance, is not the romance aspect, Blood is. Karkat displays this very same romantic acumen when he tells Dave that he's known Terezi and Gamzee were a thing for a long time, despite everyone else on the meteor trying to keep it a secret from him. Heart is, instead, about identity, feelings, motivations, souls, and self. In other words:

Nepeta Is Kind Of Bad At Shipping

Let's take a look at those shipping walls.

Let's break this down a little. Nepeta's ships are not entirely wrong, but even the successful ones are kind of wrong. Here's what I mean. We've already discussed how Equius and Nepeta's moirallegiance has some... issues in it. If we go down her list of ships that actually do happen, most of them have some issues in them!

Aradia expresses her regret for getting together with Equius in the Ministrife. Kanaya and Rose suffer some major relationship problems when Rose starts drinking, to the point Karkat feels a need to step in as an auspice. Karkat and Gamzee fail, as Karkat is not calmed by Gamzee, and Gamzee stops listening to Karkat. And while Sollux and Feferi seem to be fairly healthy, after they both wind up in the Furthest Ring, he's pretty much always next to Aradia - he and Feferi don't even get to exchange words with each other once they're in the Furthest Ring. Purrsonally, I think he and Feferi are meant to end up as moirails, but shhhh.

So what's happening here? Well, this goes back to her identity as a Heart player. Heart is concerned with feelings and motivations.

They simply want to understand the one thing we all are stuck with for our entire lives, i.e. our own minds. Forging an identity is extremely important to the Heart-bound, and every decision and action goes toward building a coherent narrative of their own story. That isn't to say Heart-bound don't care deeply for their friends and allies; they just have a tendency to assume that everyone is as concerned with identity as they are.

Nepeta's shipping has also been associated with her isolation and loneliness. When you put this together, it implies that Nepeta's shipping is about her desire to understand others, and much of her ships are based on one of the parties having feelings, regardless of compatibility, feasibility, or broader implications. After all, despite the fact that she has pretty terrible romantic acumen, she IS able to instinctively identify that Eridan's advances toward her were insincere:

NEPETASPRITE: :33 < well ok i guess eridan hit on me a few times NEPETASPRITE: :33 < but his advances always struck me as cr33py and insincere

And that Karkat secretly LOVES and RESPECTS his friends:

JASPROSESPRITE^2: On the contrary Nepeta. You deserve someone who will RESPECT and ADORE you. NEPETASPRITE: :33 < well... yes NEPETASPRITE: :33 < i always hoped to find someone like that some day NEPETASPRITE: :33 < i dunno maybe youre right but in spite of whatever problems he might have i always felt like i saw something in him that made me think he could be that purrson!

Or knowing that Equius loves to play games, and still feels sad about Aradia exploding:

AC: :33 < i s33 right through your stupid act, who are you trying to kid! AC: :33 < look how you go out of your way to use words that have x's in them so that you can use your silly purrcent signs AC: :33 < or use these absurd words that you can shoehorn a '100' into, even if its not strictly replacing 'loo'!!! AC: :33 < you are so transpurrent AC: :33 < i can tell you like to play games, d33p down you are a guy who likes to play games! AC: :33 < i can smell a guy who likes to play games from so fur away with this nose, you have no idea X33

NEPETA: :33 < she was so happy, just like she used to be, and she said she would s33 you soon! EQUIUS: D --> That's a nice thought, and thank you for sharing it EQUIUS: D --> But it was only a dream, and will surely have no consequence in reality NEPETA: :33 < equius? NEPETA: :33 < are those f33lings i an detecting with my wiggly whiskery nose? EQUIUS: D --> Maybe

Because feelings, and not relationships, are her actual domain.

And speaking of Heart powers...

Nepeta and the Ultimate Self

So from this point forward, I'm going to assume you're more or less agreeing with my take that at some point after Game Over, Hussie - for whatever reason - gave up on his original ending, and wound up truncating his ideas so he could finish the comic faster. I go more into detail about that here.

So, in this hypothetical original ending, I firmly believe that the speech about the Ultimate Self would have come from Nepeta. First, let's take a look at what the "Ultimate Self" entails, as it appears within the comic:

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < everything that ever happens to every version of you is an important part of your ultimate self... like a superceding bodyless and timeless persona that crosses the boundaries of paradox space and unlike god tiers or bubble ghosts or whatever, it really IS immortal DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < but in your physical form there are all these partitions in your mind that prevent you from remembering any of that which makes your existence f33l totally linear DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < which is probably for the best! DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < in a regular body s33ing all that would be too overwhelming ... DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < and after it sinks in for a while you start coming to this understanding of a greater self DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < maybe i "got it" quicker though because of the two people i was and their aspects DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < understanding heart is all about the nuances of a distributed self DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < nepeta never got to make much headway with her aspect but shes finally gettin the chance DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < the time aspect is all about running into different versions of yourself so you kinda get confronted with it in a really literal way that can be disturbing DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < obviously davesprite stuggled with that too, but now its fine DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < hes fr33 from worrying about it all and what it means for his place in reality DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < because he can s33 now all his selves have relevance in painting the full picture of who he truly is DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < im not COMPLETELY sure because im not like some sort of ASPECT MASTER but DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < my avian slash feline intuition tells me that all roads will lead you here eventually DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < gaining the d33pest possible understanding of any aspect will bring you to the same final conclusion about your ultimate self

Now, I believe - and I hope you'll agree - that it's kind of lame, narratively, for Davesprite to have been set up with so much angst about not being the "real Dave," and for Nepeta to have all her issues with loneliness and shyness, and for these two specific iterations of each other to have never interacted, but suddenly getting double-prototyped fixes all of their problems, and they achieve Ultimate Selfhood despite being two total strangers to each other. So let's instead break down the more salient points about what Ultimate Selfhood entails, divorced from the fact that it's Davepetasprite^2 doing the narrating:

Every player in the game possesses an "Ultimate Self," an ultimate culmination of all their experiences and memories, specifically referred to as a "persona"

Normally, people are not aware of this, because it would be too overwhelming to deal with so many memories and iterations of each other.

Everyone will achieve Ultimate Selfhood eventually as the final culmination of their understanding of their aspect.

Heart is all about the nuances of a distributed self.

Let's talk about that last one some more, and by that I mean, let's see what Calliope has to say about it:

TT: I don't know why it had to be this way for me. Juggling these two waking selves at once. TT: I guess I'm used to it, but it still makes for a pretty intense existence. TT: Do you even know what the deal with that is? Like is there any precedent in your readings? UU: i don't know aboUt precedent, bUt it makes plenty of sense to me as the type of path one might expect for a hero of heart. UU: a path rUled by the heart aspect can be a joUrney of splintered self. UU: that is, the player's being may exhibit the same kind of fragmentation which certain classes coUld caUse in others. UU: i think this is what has triggered yoUr dUal-awareness between waking and dream selves, thoUgh it woUld not sUrprise me if the symptoms manifested in even more ways than this.

Now, Dirk has a clawmplicated relationship with his alternate selves, given that he's a Prince, but Nepeta wouldn't have the same struggles, or at least, not to the same degree. The problem is, hampered by Equius and her own shyness about discussing her thoughts and feelings with others:

NEPETASPRITE: :33 < i get so shy and worried what people might think of me if i say how i f33l NEPETASPRITE: :33 < im always so scared that they wont f33l the same way or just think im stupid or pathetic or something

She never actually gets to explore this part of herself.

But What If... She Did?

The way I imagine the original ending going is that each troll that gets saved by John's interference in the timeline then asks John to help them fix their own mistakes, thereby saving somebody else. Each successive trip through the meteor brings new character development, and also riddles the comic with progressively more password pages, which I think would be really funny. And throughout all this the Game Over team is searching for Vriska, Meenah, and the treasure, and resolving their arcs that way, so it's not like they would be replaced - they're the ones who get to kill LE. The process, in my mind, goes like this:

Terezi asks John to save Vriska, and prevent her from getting too spades with Gamzee, as these are her two greatest regrets.

Vriska obviously had great regrets about killing Tavros, both pre- and post-retcon, so she asks for his death to be prevented.

Tavros staying alive means that he and Gamzee wind up hashing out some stuff - Gamzee mentions that he feels "So aT ChIlL WiTh yOu" while talking to Tavros, and Tavros reciprocates the friendship and also - interestingly - acknowledges Gamzee's religion, calling it beautiful even if he doesn't necessarily believe in it. This is interesting because Karkat's inability to do so is explicitly one of the reasons their moirallegiance broke down. So having Tavros back, alive, means that he and Gamzee would likely end up in some sort of relationship, probably pale despite flushed leanings, and would bring Gamzee back into the fold.

Gamzee would then be like, yeah, wow, that time I killed Nepeta and Equius was pretty bad, huh? Especially since his decision to hang onto his friends' bodies and prototype them is often interpreted as him genuinely feeling bad about his dead friends (he tells Kurloz to shut up when Kurloz mentions all the dead friends, and his religion seems to be about a paradise he wants to share with his friends anyway). So he'd ask John to prevent him from killing them, resulting in the two of them getting to live.

Things get much more hypothetical from here, since so much of the character dynamics would have changed, but I think by this point, Equius might command ask John to let him say goodbye to Aradiabot before she explodes, which he expresses feeling very sad about. However, in doing so, John and Aradiabot end up in the same room, and when she realizes that he has the ability to change the timeline without repercussions, she'd seize him by the arm and demand that he take her back in time, to before she died. After all, she expresses regrets about her reckless actions, and how she always felt like it was all one big setup.

She would take Aradia's place in the Vriska revenge chain, being once more freed of her robot chassis, and from there, would trick Doc Scratch and the Handmaiden into thinking everything was still going according to their designs. Meanwhile, Alive!Aradia would be hanging out at Equius's place, borrowing his void powers to avoid notice, coordinating a new timeline that keeps the beats of the original (too much deviation causes unpredictability, and an paradox'd timeline offshoot without John's direct interference would still become doomed), but allows them greater freedom and the ability to overcome the machinations of Doc Scratch and associates.

This would also prevent Sollux from becoming so self-loathing, since it's no longer "his fault" that Aradia dies, although he winds up in that hole again after Feferi gets killed. Now that his Aradia is alive, he wouldn't feel like he might as well stay in the bubbles because his closest companions are there, so he'd make it to the end, and would ask John to prevent Feferi's death.

Eridan still dies; he's so disconnected and isolated from all his friends that his course of actions is largely unaffected even by everybody else's timeline tweaks. But before Feferi can suggest bringing him back, Karkat would butt in.

The Friendship Troll should be the one to demand that ALL of their friends be revived, especially if they had everyone except only one guy, and Karkat and Eridan are heavily implied to be moirails anyway. The course of Karkat's fixes are so comprehensive, and primarily romance-based, that the end result of this final loop is everybody not only being alive, but god-tiered, with appropriate character development.

Now, where Nepeta's Heart powers would play into all of this is that she would start to notice something going on. After all, Heart players are sensitive to their splintered selves, and (Nepeta) is probably much closer to Nepeta than regular doomed timeline offshoots. As the loops continue, and Nepeta has more and more time to talk to people, and meets her dead alternate selves, and even meets (Nepeta), she starts to awaken to her Ultimate Self - to come into possession of alternate memories.

And if the Ultimate Self is a very soul-y kind of concept, such that Heart players have a natural advantage in coming to understand it, then isn't it a natural fit that a Rogue of Heart - one who steals from Heart or steals Heart for others - would be naturally inclined to share the wisdom of her alternate selves, and even the very concept of the Ultimate Self, with her friends?

Because the Ultimate Self is actually, in my opinion, a pretty good narrative device. It turns the sadness of the dead and doomed timelines into something littersweet instead, and makes it so any weirdness regarding time travel and not really knowing your friends anymore will eventually be resolved, even if off-screen.

It's not really narratively satisfying when Davepetasprite^2 suddenly comes into being and reaches enlightenment, but imagine if instead it's a post-character development Nepeta comforting Davesprite on his relevance, or Jade on her loneliness, or John on not really knowing these new post-retcon versions of his friends? It would feel a lot better, since in this hypothetical, she would have reached that point after on-screen character development. Being able to share her true self with her friends on the meteor - by necessity, since what else are they going to be doing for three years - leads to her finally being able to fulfill her role as a Rogue of Heart.

Also, at some point during these repeated meteor trips, she dates Karkat (whether that's successful or not, I'll leave to reader interpretation - you already know where I stand), fulfilling Jaspersprite's musing that she might only be able to date Karkat after she dies.

So that's two out of thr33 of her outstanding plot hooks resolved... okay. So, I try not to make these essays into ship propaganda, but hear me out:

Hate Is Stored In The FefNep

Okay, so, remember that thing about how Feferi is actually a huge casteist hypocrite? Well, let's also note that the comic, post-Murderstuck, seems to put Nepeta and Feferi together a lot - they're a Commodore and Rear Admiral in the ghost pirate army, respectively, and they also wind up as Fefetasprite. So I think it's not entirely out of left field to say that these two were implied to have SOMETHING going on.

And that something... is a difference in political views.

I mean, let's be real, there's a reason Fefetasprite is the most explode-prone after Tavrisprite. Miss "The Hemocaste is Stupid and Shouldn't Matter" vs. Miss "I Love Being A Princess And Call Jade Hornless and Finless (Derogatory)"? Come on, tell me you don't see it.

Without getting too much into Feferi, this hypocrisy, and unwillingness to check her privilege (so glad I found an excuse to use that term unironically), are probably her greatest character flaws - ie, the things you would expect the story to address about her. Meanwhile, one of Nepeta's flaws, which she laments to Jasproseprite^2, is that she feels too shy to talk about her feelings to other people, leading to her having never expressed her views on the hemocaste to anyone but Equius.

I think that they initially think they'd be friends. Each one of them would go "oh man, this other girl is soooo cute, I wish I could talk to her more often!"

And then, once they do, they realize they fucking hate each other. Nepeta would go "X00 < you are such a hypocrite who f33ls like youre better than all of us!!!" and Feferi would go "You're suc)( an uneducated glubbing P-EASANT! 3X0" and then they'd claw each others' eyes out. It would be so funny, and if a homestuck ship isn't extremely fucking funny, then why are we even here.

But more importantly, this would further them along into resolving each others' arcs - Feferi would be forced to grapple with the greater implications of classism, and Nepeta - who is shown having a spine the most in defiance of somebody else - would grow more aggressive about being open about her feelings in defiance of Feferi. Even Equius would get roped into it in a positive way - you can just imagine him going "D --> Can I really believe my auricular sponge clots D --> Nepeta, you are finally taking interest in politi%" and be 100% on board with teaching her so Feferi won't be able to call her uneducated.

And then for flushed, I dunno! Karkat's an option, and Jade and Jake also both love the fuck out of furries, and Tavros seems nice. But yeah I'll die on the fefnep hate ship. Guys it would be so funny.

Thank you as always for reading! Let me know if there's a troll you want to hear me ramble about next.

[walnutcookie]

Whu- whutdoyou- what do you MEAN “The founders would never give them that much attention”??

The founders my left buttcheek, grumble grumble, I hate those guys

I will personally make the seasonal toons a bigger stage I love those guys sm </3

Im going to try to avoid talking about this super duper in depth because this will turn into an essay aahsdfjsdhfjk. but like. oughgh. Yeah the seasonal toons REALLY got the short end of the stick.

think of it from this perspective: in the original animatronic show concept of gearview, they were designed to be a little extra entertainment in the gift shop. The toons in the main building had huge open rooms which had lots and lots of complicated machinery that would move in time with the song, but the seasonal toons were just going to be a group of 4 animatronics each which would be put on a little stage and cycled through simple songs and dances to make guests want to visit the gift shop. (and for context, the gift shop is a long room which wraps around the gearview tower itself. like aauuh semicircle but octagon!!!)

And then on a whim they decided to give these guys actual emotions and feelings and needs without thinking about the consequences!!! they ended up adding an extension to the gift shop to give them more living space, but they still have 4 people to a room and everything is generally on a much smaller scale than the toons from the main building. they dont want all of the seasonal toons wandering around and ruining the magic during open hours so theyre restricted to their own space and it kind of sucks ass!!!! because they dont get the same treatment At All!!!!

partially because it would take a lot of time, resources, and money to extend the builidng and add additional rooms on top of the existing tower but also arthur is very. uh. Specific when it comes to his project. without going too in-depth it stems from how he fears lack of control and art has always been something that grounded him because he had full control over his art. unfortuantley he struggles to come to terms with how the toons, now sentient, are Out Of His Control. he gets upset when things don't go the way they're supposed to, when unexpected things happen, especially when things go wrong. in his vision of gearview the seasonal toons would perform in the gift shop so they will be performing in the gift shop. delilah doesnt really give enough of a fuck to do an ything about it either so the seasonal toons are just kind of isolated and arent given the same luxuries as the other toons. they make it work and theyre happy though :]

[eunashhimejoshi]

you're just so unfair ! 🎤

a beautifully rotten punishment in your selfishness . 💘

no filter vers !!

minji taught her yona to smile, thats why she hates this photo the most .

OK INFO DUMPY TIEM!!!

• Yona is not the first "Yona" to exist. no, no.. instead she comes from a long line of artificial humans perfected and bred into an ideal human with the most aesthetically pleasing characteristics . think,,, uhh,, how some dog breeds are bred to be small and cute reguardless of whatever health issues may occur. she is not the first in her line to compete in the alien stage, and unless she survives, she will not be the last. though, she is absolutely none the wiser to this. she has not a single clue she isnt the first pet that setteme (her alien guardian) has had.

list of yona issues !!

developmental issues, she exhibits a lot of self soothing behaviours, maladapative daydreaming/depersonalization as well (as a coping mechanism she picked up as a child that ended up spiraling), intense depressive episodes (since childhood), low empathy (not a disorder but its just there to note,,,), alexithymia,, and more but i forgor half of it,,

• on yonas alien guardian, setteme is very thirsty for the fame and success that comes from having a pet that wins!! to every single previous pet humans detriment, of course. since she was old enough to remember, yona was forced to watch every single previous alien stage season, every death, so that she would know what not to do. learn from their mistakes, pretty much. theres more but i dont really want to get tooo graphic into the things setteme did since yona would never talk about it and this isnt canonically public information whatsoever!! sooo uuhh all dat matters is how she is now!

• essentially, yona doesnt know how to be a good human, only a good pet! she has very little emotional range and very low empathy. she puts forth no effort into forming attachments, creating bonds, friendships, when it comes to other humans. theres really no point in making friends, in her eyes, on the off chance she did get attached it really would only dampen her chances of keeping a level head. she really doesnt understand why others are so stupid as to take those risks. she also isnt aware some humans just werent told this was a killing game.. cut my girl some slack..

• her limited emotional range isnt just restricted to humans, its also restricted to things about her personality, things that she assumes would make someone "human". she has no preference in food, or color, or style, because she cant find it in her to actually care. this isnt to say that she doesnt put forth effort, not at all. her loyalties lie with her guardians and when it comes to the segyuins, she immediately perks up with an innocent smile and does everything she can to appeal to them. because of this, to the humans she tends to stay isolated and is percieved as flat and robotic, scary at times.. but to the segyuins? shes a sweetheart, truly the cutest thing !! (so glad a lot of u r calling her kyutes,,, dats wut she wants!!) shes very much based off aegyo kpop culture,, in the worst way! its all she knows.

• the only way yona would have "friends" is if someone insisted on being in her space and life, though it would be very one sided unless yona somehow found something about them that drew her in. (in the 41st alien stage universe I dont think minji exists since shes my friends oc,, minji was yonas girlfriend,, but i do think it would be something like that!! yona genuinely did love minji, in her own way.. how it started was self serving things yona did as a child came off as sweet and romantic to minji [holding minjis hands to warm herself, giving minji things to temporarily hold was percieved as giving minji gifts] until eventually yona realized she actually did like seeing minji happy.. she liked being given affection by minji.. so her motivations changed from self serving to actually wanting to make minji smile.. before she knew it that genuine emotion, for the first time, snuck up on her.. and when the first round came along and it was yona vs. minji.. well... yeah. aaand thats essentially how you become close to yona!!! if that makes sense,,,? im yapping SORRY i just love them,...)

• OH OH SPEAKING OF THE SWEETHEART THING!!!! thats her entire theme!! sweetheart!! lovey dovey white and red outfits decorated in hearts and ruffles and bows! she writes and sings love songs to match despite not having felt love herself!!!

IF ANYONE WANTS 2 KNO MORE PLSPLSS MESSAGE ME ID LOVE 2 KEEP YAPPING!!

(alnst 41stlings come talk 2 me,,,, im too scared 2 just walk into ur dms,,,... but i wuld love 2 write relationships if anyone rly lieks yona!!!! ^u^ )

[pinkmoondoll9shihtzu]

👁️👁️🔂👁️👁️👁️👁️👁️👁️

cringe at myself.....,.....

im aa FOOOOOLLLLLLLL 🫥

Sometimes i think, im a real artist or something..

But whats even real about me? everything i do only exists online

majority of it being on TUNBLR of all places.

fragile fucking tumblr.

my entire life is my imagination and fantasies my entire life is a thoughtform. how can i be a real artist if im barely even a real person in "reality".

not even banishedgirl but intangible girl.

The other day, when i posted about how i want to use the inter net less but im too lonely to stop, i feel it came back to bite me today, in a way i didnt want at all, for the short time my blog was gone, and this brought to my attention, how truly deeply foolish i am

i could disappear so fast like nothing because its all just 👉🧠💭 up here

Even tho my blog is back now. i cant get that feeling off of me. Like yeah there no reason my blog would actually be deleted, unless you know like, tumblr just got discontinued as a website. Which is not an unlikely scenario. i often wonder how long they'll keep paying for these servers. We saw what happened with myspace...

if tumblr was gone, id really be GONE gone

like. i dont exist.

sick to my stomach all day. even if i export my blog and put it on a hard drive ... does it even matter? it literally is not even "matter" it is pixels it is thin air.

How do i be a real girl in the real world

in utena , the "real world" is actually all an illusion. and i believe that to be true for our world too. In a way ive always believed my fantasies and spirits are more real than my body

But i still do want to exist here. i almost have to live in denial about this to stay sane. But i want to exist forever. i want a normal life and friends. i want normal things.. its disgusting.. i feel sick!!!!! im so happy but im so miserable. i love myself but im so insecure. i dont understand anything. i resent fakeness but im fake too. im all just words and space and airy air air

How do i change my life how do i stop yearning to Prove that i exist..... Why do i want to prove it so bad

WHY DID I HAVE TO BE CONFRONTED W THIS TODAY WHAT AM I BEING CALLED TO DO

Like dude i am already going thru it lately. i didnt need any more crisisfuel.

IDK i have to believe its some kind of catalyst to save myself , lest i succumb to the void

it has to show me something i needed to see.

Stuff like this makes me want to disappear in a way that i have total agency over. (Not like in a killing my self way but just in a going away way.) Thats not practical though is it i know thats my evil side talking.

trapped in a sticky web trapped in this glue trap thats what gets me all defiant.

the book im reading rn is from the 70s. i wish i was writing books not posts... i wish i was meeting people in real life the way the author describes in the book. I know the vainly imagined past doesnt hold all the answers either. Good chance i wouldve been institutionalized for woman hysteria or st. But i dont like whats happening here i dont feel natural at all. And its not just me who feels it, clearly.

if only i could be the one who finds comfort in impermenance.

do i accept what im dissatisfied with, do i try to change, or both, or neither?

i am sad

i am existentially disturbed

and i am fucking arrogant 🥴

for wanting to be real.

FUCK!!!!! ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!

🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

would i be the asshole for contacting my ex to ask them if they could stop talking about me online to a community that knows who i am? (🥐)

tw: kinda emotionally abusive relationship

bg info

me (24f) and my ex (28) were in a three month relationship three years ago following a whole year of friendship. they were my first partner and i came out as a lesbian to everyone during our relationship. when we were together, they were 24 and i was 20. i was very emotionally dependent on them when i was 20 due to mental health issues and so were they which is probably one of the reasons why our relationship was as explosive as it was. i looked up to them, my whole emotional world revolved around them, and our friendship/relationship was the only thing i had in my life at the time. they constantly asked me "hey is it even ethical that im dating you, im 4 years older, you tell me please, oh i feel like such a bad person", yet, they still continued dating me every time they would ask.

our fights were horrible and truly explosive as they broke their stuff in front of me out of anger, threw things at me and insulted me as stupid, amongst many other things. our fights usually ensued because i would ask them for reassurance and they would start panicking and screaming at me to shut up. to be fair, i would cry every time i was asking for reassurance which probably made them feel scared about losing me, so i consider myself 50% at fault for everything that happened in our relationship, i shouldve been able to talk to them in a secure manner that wouldnt trigger their abandonment issues. our fights were quite jarring and made me walk out on them several times out of fear. yet i always came back and apologized and took the whole accountability, even though i dont consider myself the only one at fault. walking out several times during fights was probably one of the worst things i could have done but at the same time i was simply scared. even when i walked out after our last fight, they begged me to come back, which i did, i apologized under tears, and yet, told them that i cant promise them to stay no matter what.. and left.

we met through tumblr and were in a medium distance relationship. after our relationship, i went to a clinic and had to learn a lot about myself, what i experienced and what i want from life. im in a very happy and healthy place now and since the end of 2021 im with my current partner whom i want to be the love of my life and whom ive started to build a life with.

context

i have my ex blocked on all social media because they used to do hour long deep dives into my blog, even as of recently (i have statcounter installed for my safety bc im paranoid about them sending me anonymous asks). at first i also used to visit their blog after our break up but stopped doing so after moving on with my life. one year after breaking up i temporarily unblocked them and explicitly asked them not to look at my social media (or at least to do it in a way in which i dont notice aka asked them not to watch my instagram stories).

while i dont visit their blog/social media because i dont want to know whats going on in their life, tumblr mutuals frequently dm me stuff like "hey i think you should know that your ex posted about you/shit talks about something that you posted". i havent asked my mutuals to tell me whenever this happens but i imagine they do so because within the tumblr space we exist, everyone kind of knows everyone (so my ex doesnt have to mention my name for people to know who theyre talking about). sometimes mutuals send screenshots of the posts so that i dont have to visit my ex's blog. last ive heard my ex joked about throwing jewelry at me and posted extensively about a tattoo that i got. my ex's behavior makes me uncomfortable and feel just as helpless as i did back then.

why i might be the asshole

im scared that they might be venting because i was more at fault in the relationship than them and that i am unconsciously deflecting. however, i talked about every detail of the relationship and this fear extensively with my therapist, friends, and partner who are of the opinion that i was young, scared, and intertwined in a relationship that was incredibly toxic. im still unsure though because my emotions frequently triggered theirs.

why they might be the asshole

i asked them once to stop visiting my social media and i feel like venting about our relationship that broke off 3 years ago to a tumblr community of friends and acquaintances is kind of unfair. however, i might be the asshole and they might just need the space for venting. i could just ignore the vents and let them heal in their own way from what ensued.

WIBTA if i confronted them again and told them that i want them to stop talking about me online? or would i be a party pooper because every person needs a space for venting?

What are these acronyms?

[wolvertooth]

wolverine pisces♓ sun + libra♎ rising

sabretooth aries♈ sun + virgo♍ rising

presenting -> an essay by somebody who doesnt really know shit about zodiac signs(other than my own), but tried researching em anyway. tbf, a lotta articles got conflicting views on how shit works too, so i just made my own sense for some of it(example being, some sites say the descendant should be the others sun, while some say it should be their rising. im going with the sun one, since that works best for the symbolism thing here, and it made most sense for their characters). most of this is just a bunch of notes.

for some context, ones sun sign is their core self. their rising is their outer character, kinda like a mask, what other people see first before getting to know them.

as i mentioned in another post, i hc their bdays as 2/21(logan) and 3/23(vic), logans coming from a lot of his bday fights being in winter and the numbers having significance(that i’ll explain later), vics coming from the random numbers on his mondo xmen the animated series figure box(no other figures boxes had numbers on them, just his)

gonna talk about sun signs first—

wolverine, the old soul dreamy romantic who spends all his time in his head, lost in himself.

sabretooth, the action taker, who gets shit done, actually is the best at what he does, climbing to the top. and, when given the chance(as shown in weapon x 2017 and exiles), a kickass leader.

2 sides of the same circle.

as an aries, vic lives in reality(if anything, hes forced to). while as a pisces, logan tries to escape it, focusing on his own reality rather than the one around him.

its a pisces instinct to escape and run away, to never be tied down to anything. aries can help ground a pisces when that urge kicks in. still, itd be an important part in their relationship for both vic learning to give logan his space, and logan learning to let vic there for him.

gonne go off the rails for a sec, but the dates of their bdays apply to their dynamic too.

2/21, 2 3(2+1). 23 is a reoccurring number in logans life, almost being like his symbol.

(Wolverine 1988, issue #66, being shown the number 23 by a guiding spirit) + (Wolverine 1988, issue #167, wearing the 23 bulls shirt) + (Wolverine 1988, issue #176, after being dead and talking to another guiding spirit for 23 minutes) + (Hulk vs Wolverine, X-23)

23 being a part of vics bday can be taken as vic being another key component in logans life, as well as parts of logan basically being a part of vics self. 323 is kinda like being the reverse of 23, while also including it, playing into the theme of them blurring into eachother.

23 being on its own for logan is reflective of his loner isolating tendecies(despite holding a lotta love, pisces can tend to drift off from others). logan can and does socialize, but he isolates his heart from getting too attached.

pisces, being the last sign, holds a bit of all the signs inside them. this can influence logans struggles with losing sight of who he is an individual, wanting to go against everything he seems to be in order to stay who he thinks he is. a constant search for self discovery thats disfigured by many layers of other influences, and pisces natural duality for everything(wanting to play both sides, contradicting himself, when really he doesnt know where he fits). what little logan does know about himself, he doesnt trust to know how to get others to understand. meanwhile, vic follows the mold of what others expect of him, and doesnt get a chance to really exist as himself, making up for that by being the best version of the negative traits forced upon him that he cant escape.

(Sabretooth: The Adversary)

logan tries to be what he thinks others want, while vic tries to be what others say. logan thinks hes escaping from his expectations, but really hes trapping himself in a cage of other peoples needs. vic thinks hes being better than other people in his situation by not escaping, taking choice in it, when really hes still keeping himself in a similar cage.

pisces escape themselves, aries push to be themselves. but in their own ways, theyre also doing the same as eachother.

even tho pisces can be loners, their relatablility to other signs draws a crowd to them. everyone knows wolverine(insert that classic post of ‘wolverine is there’, yall know the one). sabretooth can be good with people when he needs to be, but he doesnt have many friends…being the first of the signs, aries are kinda on their own.

unless, ofc, one was on a cusp.

vics 23 in his birthdate doesnt just tie him to logan, being on the cusp of pisces is important too.

it allows vic to truly know who logan is, underneath it all. his true self. since a part of him works the same way, inside.

talking a bit about the risings now—

libra rising doesnt seem to fit logan at first glance, as his quick anger tends to mess up a lot of his encounters with others, but i see him as someone who likes solving others problems. hes the guy others go to for help, despite his reputation. he fights for justice, or what he percieves as such, since his pisces nature kinda detatches him from reality. he can seem like a threatening guy at times, but people tend to somehow feel comfortable around him, even strangers. he claims he doesnt talk much, but hes the kinda guy to indulge in conversation if someone started it with him, and his libra rising energy draws people to do so.

and i could honestly write a whole thing about how the duality of pisces fucks with his life, like the duality of wanting to do good but continuing to fall back into doing what he wants, while also constantly seeking to know if either of those things are truly what he wants. he knows but doesnt know, acts but doesnt act, hides but shows himself loudly, playing the Bad Boy while hes secretly nice and caring. hes a mix of everything and nothing, wanting to be like the people around him, but also wanting to know who he is as an individual.

some sources for virgo rising were like 'they prefer fashionable clean wardrobe, and strive to rise to the top of their work, falling into perfectionism in both their presentation and reputation' like...as a rising, thats def his mask, to make up for who he is.

vics way of proving his worth to others is very much based on how helpful he is to them, doing things for them rather than himself(the chance of them being satisfied being enough to fuel his motivation). his whole career is based around doing shit for others in order to make a name for himself, his mask, what he thinks hes good at. but, he also primarily does acts of service for those he cares about, things he wants to do for them rather than being expected to do so, being unaware that hes good at THAT as well.

logans mask is what vic secretly excels at, and vics mask is what logan thinks he isnt good enough at.

while logan spends a lot of time striving to be the best in what he does, vic strives to be the best in who he is. which, according to their risings, they’d have more luck if they switched those goals.

(X-Men Forever 2009, issue #6) + (Wolverine 1988, issue #123)

i know a lot of this probably comes across as being a challanging relationship, but i think thats the kinda thing they both want. they both crave a good challange, something to fight for. and for once, they wouldnt just be fighting for themselves, theyd be fighting for someone else. for the same cause.

vic holds the answer to all logans questions about himself and the ability to know exactly how to take care of him, and logan holds the love and equality that vic craves. but vic wont be able to do so unless he realizes he can take care of others, and logan wont be able to do so unless he realizes how to care for himself, which includes also allowing others to take of him(and learning to hate himself less, which is blinding him from being able to accept vic)(typical twinflame shadow stuff)

vics signs make him a natural helper, and logan tends to be stubborn in letting others do that for him. a lotta their relationship is based around stubborness on both ends, in ways where they secretly want something but refuse to let themselves accept it. both signs like control, in their own ways. pisces like control in a more mental way, and aries like control in action. and thats just something they would have to work together on to get proper communication for.

aries could take pisces by the hand as they continue on, if pisces let him. and in turn, pisces could show aries the truest form of love and connection that aries lacks.

[frosting-surfeit]

Ill bet all aliens on all the nearby planets on the map we saw need to be resistant to EXTREMELY cold temperatures. Since i bet space travelling and planet hopping could be common. We saw zim without a spacesuit in open space which is hundreds of fucking degrees below zero. Ill bet irkens are built for such cold they really wouldn't have fathomed there would be need to be built for much warmth let alone hot temperatures. And earth being a planet of living beings that need the planet to be warm to survive is probably something near non-existant in those nearby planets

Im a dummie so i dont know what that means for irken blood and anatomy but nonetheless I hc that irkens are averse to touch because it actually doesnt feel good physically as well. Theyre not built to seek WARMTH but (maybe) the cold... ! or at least they feel more comfortable around colder things.

So while zim wants to hug a cold unfeeling machine he's really averse to like... keef's hug because of this reason too... on top of everything else. They can tolerate touch but like... theyd always prefer to keep distance even if they wouldn't mind a hug or whatever.

Plus there's the obvious comparison to computers since theyre cyborgs, so they need to be cool and they probably overheat (and therefore "malfunction") in the sun and whatnot and zim had downright hallucinations with hot wheather as he complained about the earth's sun

But mostly i like to think of this bc I love that earth being primitive dirty and polluted is the reason behind a lot of Zim's suffering as an alien who was mostly just exposed to perfectly built, cleaner, sanitized and tidier industrial spaces in his upbringing