#like how klaus is unintentionally helpful

[obsidianstrawberrymilk]

Hot take but the only reason Five seems more competent than the other Umbrellas is bc he Actually Knows Shit and spent way too long dealing with the fallout of said shit to ignore it (Diego and Klaus). Like, if Five was given the same amount of info as everyone else, he’d be just as fucking stupid as them.

[dckweed]

girl where is the elijah smut you talked about i’m dying for it

it's right here baby:) sorry mamas been in a writers block bout and i was taking some time away to recover after surgery (i havent told my fiance bc he'll freak out but they took three biopsies of something while they were inside, completely unexpected but other than me swinging at my OR nurses when they took out my intubation tube, and the full body rash i got from the soap they use, that surgery went well) but im back bitches.

p.s. told y'all id post something today..

p.p.s yall don't understand how feral i am for elijah mikaelson 110% inspired by jack harlow saying 'sent her back to her boyfriend with my hand print on her ass cheek' and you're welcome for it

warnings: MINORS DO NOT READ. spanking kink, marking kink? idk if that's a thing or what it's called but it's in here. maybe choking kink? dominant elijah 100%. cheating reader.

PART TWO

"..let him see my hand print on your ass cheek.." elijah mikaelson x female!reader

Now look, you were a good girl okay? You loved your boyfriend, you'd been together for years and you had never once thought about leaving the man, that is until you met Elijah Mikaelson. You were a friend of Rebekah's, unintentionally dragged into her ancient family drama but more than happy to help nonetheless and you had liked all of her brothers, despite their attitudes from time to time. But Elijah? Elijah was something different.

The attraction had been there immediately, the way he made your heart race, and your skin flush, you pretended not to notice the way he had smirked at you, as if he knew (which of course, he did) that your body was reacting to him in ways that it had never reacted to anyone before, let alone your boyfriend. What started off as a polite relationship had quickly turned into a flirtatious fling, both of you becoming braver and beaver with each other and what your actions were, knowing full well what the consequences could be. And eventually, it turned into a full on affair.

Elijah was insatiable in bed, something you found out very quickly and something you didn't even know you longed for. You didn't realize how unhappy you were in your sexlife at home until you had started fucking Elijah, and when he had started showering you with dates and expensive gifts? You slowly realized how unhappy you were in your romantic life as well. You could never bring yourself to break up with him though, he was a nice guy, sweet and caring, you'd been dating since the middle of college but something just felt so empty between the two of you, so you managed to balance your life between both men, difficult as it was.

Today, your boyfriend was dropping you off at the Mikaelson family compound, you weren't expecting to see Elijah today, thinking he was off searching for something for Klaus, so you thought nothing of it when you let him walk you to the gate and give you a long kiss before sending you on your way, smacking your bottom playfully as you stepped inside.

"I'll see you this afternoon, honey!" You called over your shoulder, giving him one last smile before he moved out of view. You sighed in relief, turning around to face the house, only to find Elijah a few feet away from you. You jump, hand to your chest. "Jesus, Elijah, why are you just standing there like that?" You ask, looking at him with a half cocked smirk. You were happy to see him, though judging by the annoyed look about his face, he didn't seem too pleased to see you. "I thought you were out of town still.."

"I finished my trip early, there was nothing to be found, no reason to stay longer." He says, hands going into his pockets. He was truly beginning to become annoyed by your boyfriend being in your life, especially when he thought he had been making his intentions with you quite clear. "How was your weekend?"

You shrug, rolling your eyes. "Dull. We went antiquing with his mother." You say, and though you loved antiques and his mother, he had brushed off the plans you had been trying to make to do something more interesting and you were intensely bored the entire weekend.

Elijah hums, not feeling the least bit bad for you, though he would have much rather spent his weekend with you. "Antiquing? Sounds dreadfully dull." He says, his lips pursed as he looked you over. You did look divine in your yellow and white dress, and judging by the way he could smell you, you weren't even wearing panties. The thought made him want to go feral, he wanted to take you up to his room and absolutely wreck you for doing such a thing, how dare you go without panties around his brothers? around your boyfriend even? especially when you weren't even expecting him to be home. He had more self control than that. He swallows thickly. "Well, I'm sure you and Rebekah have something planned for today, I'll catch up with you later, darling."

You pout as he walks away, you had expected him to at least kiss you or something, like he normally did, you wondered if something was on his mind, he seemed more brooding than usual. Sighing, you make your way to Rebekah, you find her in her room, a couple bottles of your favorite wine already waiting for you.

"Why the face?" She asks as soon as you walk in, she was on her feet in an instant, pulling you to the couch. "Talk, love, you don't ever look like that.."

You furrow your eyebrows at her words, what did you look like? She shoves a wineglass into your hand, filled to the brim with your favorite white Riesling. "Is Elijah..upset with me?" You ask, looking up at her, bringing the glass to your lips at the mere thought of it. Your best friend of course knew of the relationship between you and her brother, the entire family knew, and none of them had ever made you feel any less welcomed, infact, they seemed to embrace you more, Klaus had even given you the 'always and forever' speech over a family lunch, winking at you in a way that you knew he meant it.

Rebekah furrows her brow this time, looking at you like you're insane. Upset with you? Elijah all but worshipped the ground you walked on, she had never seen him get cross with you, though he had been expressing annoyance towards your relationship, particularly the one with the man you called your boyfriend. "Well, love, if he is can you hardly blame him?" She asks, not trying to sound heartless but also trying to help our her brother some. "Y/N you just made out with your boyfriend right in front of him, i didn't have to see it, i can smell it on you.."

You closed hour eyes, throwing yourself back onto the couch. God, how could you not have put two and two together? "I'm an idiot." You sigh, downing half the glass in one go.

Rebekah hums as if agreeing with you. "Y/N, why do you even stay with him? You're clearly in more of a relationship with my brother than you are with him." She knew her brother was in love with you, but she also knew that he was too honorable of a guy to not let you make your own decisions about this, even if he was directly involved in this situation. "Elijah is a patient man and he would wait forever for you, but at this point, i feel like you're stringing them both along, it's unfair to both of them."

You stay quiet. She was right. You were in more of a relationship with Elijah than the man that you actually went home to, most of the time you couldnt even stand to be around him, the two of you barely even held a conversation anymore. So why hadn't you done it?

Why were you being so stupid?

Why weren't you thinking with your pussy and your head?

"Fuck, I'm an asshole aren't I?" You say, looking over at her. You had made up your mind. You were going to break up with your boyfriend tonight, you needed to tell Elijah. "You're right, it is unfair. There's only one thing that I want and it's to be around your brother twenty-four seven, I've let this whole thing go on for too long."

You get to your feet, downing the rest of your wine glass. "I'm going to talk to him, I'll be back in a bit Bekah."

"Do try not to be loud, it's disturbing knowing what my brother does in the bedroom." She calls after you, watching you walk away with a happy smile on her face, happy that she managed to kick some sense into you.

You roll your eyes, headed down the large hallway to the door that you knew was his. It was closed and at first you weren't sure if he was even in there but you raise your fist anyway, knocking gently on the thick wood.

After a few moments the door opens just a crack, Elijah appearing in the open space. His hand shoots out before you can even speak his name and grabs onto the poofy bits of your dress, pulling you in to his room.

You squeak, but the sound is covered by his lips, the vampire taking you into a kiss immediately, his strong arms tensing as they pull you flush against his body, holding you in place as he moves his mouth against yours. You can't help but moan, the possessiveness of the kiss alone making you weak in your knees as you let yourself go slack against him.

Elijah hardens at the sound, at the feel of your body against his own, though he can't help but growl in annoyance as he breathes you in. You smell like him, your boyfriend, the one who makes your life dull but yet you continue to stay with him. He had plans to change that though, if you weren't going to break up with him, then Elijah was going to give him a reason to break up with you.

In a flash he has you sat atop an ornate chest of drawers, his face buried in your neck as he left hickies in his trail across your skin. Even though it was dangerous, he had never once let you leave him without at least one of his marks on you, his own personal way of marking his territory he assumed.

You moan, feeling his large hands slide up your thighs, your legs spreading apart as he steps between them. You feel his fingers squeeze your flesh, fingertips digging in to your skin as they near your bare pussy, already quivering excitement for him.

Your hands go to his hair, pulling as you lift his head up, a moment of clarity as you catch your already heaving breath. "Elijah, I - oh.." You close your eyes, sinking back against the wall behind you as his fingers finally find your cunt, two of them sinking deep into your hole, your walls clenching around the missing size, already wanting his cock to be buried in you instead.

"Hm?" He hums, eyebrows raising in what you suspect is amusement, or perhaps patronization. "What were you saying darling?" His other hand trails around to your backside, squeezing the flesh of your ass tightly, his fingerprints indenting on the skin.

You clear your throat, voice shakey as you try to speak, your brain fuzzy as to why you had left Rebekah's room in the first place. And then he starts to move his fingers, curling them just the slightest bit as he moves them in and out, knuckle deep in your wet, squelchy cunt. Your hips move up against his hand, wanting more as you suddenly remember that he had asked you a question. "Uhm, I..I wanted to talk to you about..oh fuck..erm..him.."

His hand stops, and you hear the growl in his throat as he pulls his fingers out of you, the digits glistening with your slick juices. He looks at you, eyes darkened and for a brief moment you're scared that he's angry, because he is angry. "What of him, hm?" He asks, head cocked and voice low. His hands goes to your hips, your slick now coating the outside of your dress as he lifts you off of the dresser and and sets you on the floor. "He is quite literally the bane of my existence, why must we speak of him now, hm, when im trying to ruin you, love?"

He's looking down you, menacing aura surrounding you and you look away nervously as you feel his hand slide from your hip to your neck, his strong palm wrapping around your throat as his long fingers clutch your face, drumming your cheek just slightly. "Answer me, darling." He says, moving your face harshly to look up at him.

You swallow again, eyes looking over his face. His features are hard, his eyes dilated and dark. You can see how tense his jaw is, feel the emotions radiating from him. His grip on your throat and face is tight, but not enough to hurt you, but you can feel him restraining himself.

"I..wanted to apologize about earlier..should have stopped him.." You say, your voice shakey as you stumble over the words that you had seen so clearly in your mind before you had come into his room. Elijah hums, head cocking as if telling you to continue as his fingers tighten their hold just ever so slightly with a gentle flex of his hand. "I..don't want to be with him anymore.. ive been letting it go on too long, when ive had feelings for only you this entire time.."

Elijah's face changes, and he drops his hand from your face, moving it to cup behind your neck as he looks into your eyes, angling your head upwards as if searching for any trace of a lie.

"I want it to be just us, Elijah. I hate splitting my time between you because when im with him, all I think about is you and what we could be doing, and when im with you all i think about is how sad i am to go home." You ramble, wanting to let your words press in.

"Y/N.." He sighs, barely audible. You see his shoulders relax, his entire body untensing as he leans in to kiss you, it's one of complete and utter passion, his tongue dancing with yours as your lips move together in messy harmony. You moan, your body melding against his as he pulls you closer in his arms, pressing you tightly to his hard frame.

Elijah has a hand in your hair before you know it, you gasp as he pulls on it, moving your head to the side as he goes back to your neck, sucking on your pulse point for a moment, just long enough to leave a dark mark, the groan that escapes your mouth at even his slightest touch is one of absolute filth and you hear the growl in the back of his throat.

He still wanted to wreck you, and after a moment, he pulls away from your neck, looking down at you with the most shit eating smirk you'd ever seen adorn his face, he had quite the idea of how to break the news to your now ex-boyfriend.

"Maybe I can help you tell him, darling, let him know just how much you've been mine all these months.." He says, he wanted to let this man know just how much of an absolute love drunk, cock whore you were for him and only him. He wanted to ruin this man's year for having the audacity to kiss you in the way he had this morning, in front of his home no less.

"And just what exactly are you proposing?" You ask, voice lofty as your brain isn't fully with you anymore, focused solely on the man in front of you, waiting for him to have his way with you.

His smirk turns into that of a sinister grin. "Darling, you've been quite the bad girl today, don't you think?" He asks, voice coyly toying with you. His hand is still in your hair and he uses it to his advantage, turning you around and pushing you forward towards his bed, your bed now, he uses his grip in your hair to bend you forward, your face going downward into the mattress, arms supporting you still. "Bad girls," Elijah says, his voice a deep sultry tone as he presses his clothed crotch against your bottom, you feel his hard cock as he kneads a handful of your ass in his hand. "get punished, don't they baby?"

You whimper at his words, the forceful grip of his hand gripping your ass giving you more arousal than you could have thought in that moment. Elijah had always been the one in control when you were in bed, but this side of him was new to you, and oh so fucking sexy..you feel the want, the need for him building up in the bottom of your stomach as he presses his cock against your ass.

He hums appreciatively as you push your ass back against him. "Be a good girl and take it for me, yeah?" He says, the hand that wasnt squeezing you pushing the bottom of your dress up, the material laying on your waist, your bare ass and pussy on full display for the vampire above you.

Without warning you feel a stinging on your ass cheek, the sound of skin smacking ringing through the large bedroom and most likely down the hallway. You gasp, feeling his hand squeeze your cheek almost affectionately as your body reacts in the most glorious way for him.

Elijah had never really been one to spank you, he had smacked your ass a few times when he was fucking you from behind, like most men do, and sometimes even playfully in passing but this? You could just feel the arousal coming off of him as he towards the action a few times, on both cheeks.

His hand came down firmly, his whole hand leaving red imprints the harder and longer he did it for. You moaned after a few, the feeling of it getting to you in ways that you didn't even know it could, you hear him make a noise in the back of his throat when he finally decides he's finished, using both hands to squeeze and rub your stinging ass cheeks.

"Good girl, darling..." He had gotten out, you felt one hand leave you and hear him struggling with his pants for a moment, of which he grows quickly annoyed with and with a grunt he uses his vampire strength toi pull on the button, sending it flying as he pushes his pants and boxes briefs down, letting his cock finally spring free. "Look at how beautiful, all laid out for me, pussy so wet it's like a river, my marks on your ass.." He sighs in pleasure as he pushes his cock into your already gushing pussy, the sight turning into a full blown moan as he feels you clench around him immediately, already over stimulated just from the spanking alone.

Your moan isn't even a moan, it falls into some kind of high pitched noise as he starts rolling his hips, not quite fucking you roughly but not doing it gently either. His hand his back on your ass, squeezing and smacking lightly, not wanting to let the red ebb away just yet.

"Good fucking girl taking my cock so well, already so spent for me and we've barely just started.." He drawls out in that accent, setting a faster pace than he had before as he lays over top of you, his lips near your ear, hands on either side of your head as he boxes you in to hold himself up. "Gonna go home after this and show that silly man what I did? Send you back to him all fucked out nice and proper?" You moan at the words, the mere idea of it making you clench even tighter around him, it must feel good too because his words falter for a few seconds.

One of his hands goes back to your hair as he supports himself on one arm, pulling on it just enough to lift your head up off of the mattress to press your ear to his lips, moans and mewls escaping your throat every second. "Gonna let him see my handprints on your ass cheek, sweetheart?" He drawls out again, hips snapping into you at a new pace, the new angle of him over top of you having you on edge damn near immediately. "Tell him all about how you're all mine and you have been for the last year? Tell him all about how I've been fucking you, and loving you better than he ever did? Hm?"

The words for straight to your pussy, and it happens so fast that you can even tell him that you're cuming, he knows though, he can feel you gush down his length, your juices coating his pants as they brush against you. "Yes," You moan out, leaning your head back farther into him. "god, yes..all yours Elijah...only you.." Your words are broken but he understands the meaning, his grunts becoming deeper and his thrusts faltering in your pussy as the promise behind them hits him at his core.

He sits up, his hand giving one last slap to your ass cheek, the sight of the red outline of his hand sending him completely over the edge and he cums in a matter of seconds, a feral, filthy noise escaping his generally polite mouth as he does, letting his hot, thick cum coat the inside of your still sopping wet pussy, his hands gently kneading your ass once more before he pulls out, lowering himself to his knees. Gently, as if they're made of glass, he kisses each of your ass cheeks as if they're about to break before spreading them wide enough for him to get a view of your pussy, using his tongue to catch his cum as it slowly drips out of your aching hole, still glistening as he pushes it all back in with his tongue. You gasp, pressing back against his face, over stimulated to the point that your body is too weak to even hold its self up.

When he's satisfied, he pulls away, turning your over and taking you into his arms. "I was serious darling," He says, smirk still riding his lips as he plants gentle kisses on your face. "I'm going to send you home like this, let the message sink in as you pack your bags, heading over just enough for him to see what's marking your ass like a badge of honor, rub it in his filthy face when I come to the door to pick you up.."

You sigh, your hand going to his face. "People underrate you as an evil person, you know?" You say, a chuckle escaping both of you. You know damn fucking well you'll do it though, you were too down bad for this man, so dick whipped that you would do whatever he asked.

"I know, darling." He kisses you, all tongue and teeth for a moment before he helps fix your dress, giving you a gentle snack on the ass as he does.

part two????

[witchcraftandgeekness]

Finn and Internet/modern technologies

• Finn will be curious about all these new technologies.

• He can't understand how all of these works or even exists. But he made Google his friend – he tries to explore this brave new world.

• His search history is just some random things like "Did humans land on the moon?" or "How does lamp works?" or "Is jellyfish really immortal" or something else about history and science.

• He became very concerned about ecology.

• There were no such problems last time he checked.

• Last time he checked was 900 years ago.

• Sends ecology-supporting photos to his siblings.

• Also he would probably search for cheerful/motivational quotes. And send them to his siblings as well.

• He also would text-congratulate them with random days like World Book Day or National Panda Day or anything that is celebrated and he is aware of.

• Klaus most probably blocked him after few weeks.

• Kol would also like to block him but he don't know how.

• Finn types his messeges like letters, with perfect punctuation and Dear brother/sister in the begining.

• Probably unintentionally puts caps locks on.

• "I AM NOT YELLING I JUST DO NOT KNOW HOW TO MAKE MY CURSIVE SMALL AGAIN. ELIJAH, HELP."

• Rebekah showed him what are emojis. That was a mistake.

• Now he sometimes sends messeges that consist of emojis only, because he thinks thats how people are communicating nowadays.

• No one understands what he means with his emoji-codes but you can't stop him now.

[riderofblackdragons]

Day 8 Alt Prompt: Hostage Situation

Ok so once again, I'm sorry that this is a day late, I could not think of anything to do with the og day 8 prompt. Still, I had a decent time with this, its a little au where Esther captured Klaus and tortured him instead of Elijah, just exploring that a little.

Also yes, that is a mental time loop that Klaus is stuck in, if it gets a bit confusing at the end.

Klaus watched his brother turn to face him, and suddenly he was facing him as a child. He tried to cup the boy's face, the young face staring back at him like Klaus was still his beloved little brother, barely able to get up to more mischief than occasionally painting things he shouldn't. His hand slipped through his brother like he was air, like Elijah wasn't there at all. Their surroundings were white, he noted absently, the rest of his mind panicking. This was his big brother, small and young now, and he couldn't do anything.

And then the boy aged, and Klaus could do nothing but watch as Elijah aged, his face flickering through expressions seconds apart, his arms moving as they must've done during life, the baby fat smoothing down as he grew into the adult Klaus knew him as. There were many, but Klaus couldn't help but notice how cold Elijah's expression grew, cold as he didn't think it had been when they actually growing up together.

He wasn't sure how time worked here, but it felt like an eternity, watching Elijah grow and change and start to turn his body from Klaus. At some points, he'd turn his head back to Klaus, as if to invite him to come with, but it rarely lasted for long before the back faced him once more.

Elijah's hair flowed down, and up again, as the fashions changed, and his own tastes switched through the centuries. He looked like Klaus was used to seeing, at least, even if he knew it was because of the vampirism. The moment Elijah had dropped, blood appearing on his body, Klaus had jolted forward, even though he knew he couldn't get there. The vampirism had kicked in with the next expression, although the moments between had felt like another thousand years to Klaus.

But Elijah kept moving, almost too fast for Klaus' eyes to keep up with, even as he watched his brother closely. He got up from his first death, and Klaus was only able to watch as Elijah hid his own confusion, going from scared to controlled.

Klaus couldn't remember Elijah ever being scared, not for himself, not even when the evidence in front of him suggested that he had been, at least at one point. A part of him relished it, the evidence in front of him that Elijah had, even just at the start, been frightened of what he was. Of what they'd become, thanks to their parents.

The centuries flashed by, only shown with the changing of Elijah's clothes and hair. Klaus could still remember when the fashion required wigs, and Elijah had merely compelled the nobles they'd surrounded themselves with to think he was wearing one. If there was one thing Elijah was proud of, it was his hair, or maybe it was just that he was arrogant enough to not cut it when he didn't have to.

Klaus' attention was caught again when Elijah started crouching more, as though he was helping someone smaller than him. Marcellus, he realised, looking at the suit his brother was wearing. In the early days of their acquaintance, before Klaus had gotten bored with sharing, and brought Kol out to play with. He never did find out why Elijah had backed off, but the care on his face said that it had to have been a difficult decision.

Of course, Klaus knew he wouldn't get the information even with this added context. Elijah wasn't the kind to share things unintentionally, and if he'd kept quiet all these centuries, Klaus wouldn't get it out of him now. And if Marcellus knew, which Klaus personally doubted, he would've told his benefactor.

The time moved on, the fashions barely changing. Elijah decided to stick with suits, the same style for all of them, the colours switching and the rest remaining the same. Grey crawled up his skin, and down, and back up, Klaus realising it was the dagger affecting his brother. Down again, another colour change, and then… there it was. When Klaus himself had daggered Elijah, for daring to try and kill him.

It seemed over and done with quickly, the grey crawling back down Elijah's face. And then there it was, another shocked look, as Klaus had daggered him again. Given him to Marcellus, a bargaining chip he should never have played.

But it meant that this would be coming to an end, soon. Hopefully. Klaus didn't remember how he'd ended up here, but he had the feeling it had something to do with his mother, and her miraculous return to the living. And that would be soon, so he'd get to stop then. If she let him. There wasn't much she could after that, except let him out.

Klaus watched his brother carefully, and saw his return to the living. Another few colour changes, and then the apparition stopped changing. This must've been what he'd looked like, when Klaus had been placed into this. It would be over, then.

The image of his brother reached forward, and stroked his cheek. Unconsciously, Klaus leaned into the touch. It may have been a fake, a creation of his mother placed into his mind, but he'd never been in the habit of rejecting affection from Elijah, and Klaus wasn't sure he ever would.

The false Elijah smiled a little, the crooked thing his real brother showed so rarely, and stroked his thumb over Klaus' cheekbone. It may have looked like his older brother, but Klaus could hear his mother's voice when it opened its mouth, and asked if he'd learned his lesson. If he would go against Elijah, and hand over his daughter to her to die.

His rejection angered her, and he didn't know what happened, but he was there, standing in front of a child version of his brother. He didn't know how he'd gotten there, and he wasn't really sure how many of his memories were even real.

Klaus watched his brother turn to face him, and suddenly he was facing him as a child. He tried to cup the boy's face, the young face staring back at him like Klaus was still his beloved little brother, even as his hand slipped through him like he was air, like Elijah wasn't there at all. Their surroundings were white, he noted absently, the rest of his mind panicking. This was his big brother, small and young now, and he couldn't do anything.

Outside his mind, Esther smiled in satisfaction at her hybrid child. It was less magic than she'd thought, to trap him in his mind, to make him watch his brother throughout the years. His most treasured person, she'd directed. She hadn't expected the image of her second son, but she supposed it didn't really matter.

As long as Niklaus joined her in the end, and helped her put an end to her sister, it would all be worth it. Esther ignored the twinge in her heart at the pain she was causing her children. It had to be worth it, and they would all understand, once Dahlia was dead. They had to.

[dark9896]

House-spouse? [Klaus x Reader Headcanon]

Requested by Anonymous 🙊

For context, Succubi and Incubi are the same species, just they often all get lumped together as Succubi (at least in HLC). Though their powers are much less than their traditional demon counterparts and have very subtle effects on *some* people. And they have particular needs based wholly on their biological differences from humans.

First off, Klaus is practically immune to Succubi pheramones, like you have to be trying to seduce him with just vibes for it to work

The way you two met was beyond standard meet cute, Klaus was the first person in a loooong time to be genuinely kind and sweet to you

Not that he was trying to flirt or even knew what he was doing at the time (other than being polite), but...

He didn't even realize you were a Succubus at first, he just excused your attire for a preference until you mentioned that you can't wear more than the sexy/skimpy versions of outfits without suffering physical illness

^This conversation happened whilst on an early relationship date just after you were getting cat-called and Klaus offered you his coat/dress shirt in hopes of helping the "problem"

Then he begins getting second-hand embarrassment for you and is the first to say something whenever anyone attempts to flirt with you (especially if you're more non-confrontational than he is)

Heaven help the poor souls trying to insist that you like/want the attention due to how you dress (god forbid they bring up race)

Klaus might be a gentle giant, but he can and will put some(bastard) in their place for insults like that... almost ferally, almost

It takes him a little bit to be completely comfortable with how you dress, even if there are more modest options available

Doesn't help that those "modest options" are extremely fancy/dressy type clothes. (Dresses with a slit up to the hip, dress pants that look too tight with a button-down shirt lacking the top three buttons, etc.)

So technically, you could dress exactly like Klaus... but without the tie, three buttons undone from the collar, and sleeves rolled up to your elbows. [Have fun imagining Klaus dressed like that too]

It takes Klaus a little while to realize that your clothes are literally woven magic, it isn't until you change in front of him (in a swirl of blurring colors across your body)

Given how respectful Klaus is on a regular basis, you have to be very forward about what you need him to do (NSFW wise especially since he doesn't want to be too pushy nor does he want you to get ill from trying to ignore those types of things)

Though he can't deny just how attractive you are (both to him and in an objective sense)

Expect Klaus to ask to dance (and then get flustered when you misinterpret him and try to dance seductively)

He doesn't mind you doing so, but he meant a slow waltz... not a lap dance

Often becomes hyper-aware of his hand placement and gets a little awkward because he doesn't want to make you uncomfortable (or accidentally force/trigger a reaction from you, especially if you've told him how to cause a Succubi to go feral)

He refuses to let you walk around by yourself, strictly for your safety (even if you point out that you've been on your own before and nothing happened)

Klaus is a stubborn man who just wants to protect his lover

That said, he is also easily flustered whether in public or private

Accidentally show a little too much skin while stretching, Klaus is a blushing mess

Unintentionally make a weird noise during hugs, Klaus is a blushing mess

Intentionally make a weird noise while being touched, Klaus is a blushing mess (and giving you a little side eye)

He does love when you show off outfits you found (as in something you found and made out of your woven magic) even though he knows he will turn away to get his feelings under control

Once you two get extremely comfortable, laying half across Klaus or cuddling, he still gets very flustered after a little while (he adores this but he knows how little you're wearing)

He gets very worried during the winter, to the point he develops a stomachache because how can you not be cold with so much skin exposed

Klaus is perpetually respectful and prefers to give you privacy whenever you change or do anything

If you are also a member of Libra, then he has no problem defending you (from Zapp mostly)

Not that everyone else is innocent, but Zapp would be most susceptible, followed by Leo, Chain, and Steven (due to the nature of his 007 lifestyle)

But Leo, Chain, and Steven are also more respectful of your relationship with Klaus

If you’re uncomfortable with doing something for work, Klaus will do what he can to make things not so uncomfortable

Though it will likely be something after work to help you forget whatever you had to do (but if you make a weird noise -on purpose- Klaus's head might just explode)

[irresistiibles]

was that justin h. min? oh no no, that was just ben hargreeves, a canon character from the umbrella academy. they are thirty years old and are aware that they are not actually from washington dc. too bad they can’t stray from this city for long.

how long has your character been here

like two weeks

what is your character’s job

he's working part time at a movie theater but it's not like he's committed to the job, he mostly just wants to be able to see movies for cheap

where has your character been pulled from in their fandom

the end of season two after the scene with viktor. i am playing an umbrella academy ben rather than sparrow ben, so he remembers dying as a teenager and then sticking around klaus as a ghost for years

has any magic affected your character

he's alive again so that's something

any other info!

i did not watch season four but i do know how ben actually died and hello??? dude deserved much better

honestly ben is a chill nice dude, but he's also a little weirdo. he's way too used to being a ghost.

it definitely makes unintentionally awkward social situations for him. like ben will just stop and blatantly listen to other people's conversations, and give his input when eavesdropping forgetting that other people can hear him

can absolutely be a sarcastic little shit.

has tentacles he can summon for combat but he's not really fond of them and he definitely has some bad memories associated with them

living with his mom and some of his family as he gets settled

potential plots:

friends of all sorts. please give him some. he needs people to talk to, and go to the movies with, and try restaurants with or just be quiet reading friends with

honestly he should join a book club

casual dates, guys or girls cause idk how to write straight people. he doesn't really have an experience or idea what he's doing in that department but he would like to try lol

a bad influence maybe. listen he's not gonna get too crazy, he's seen klaus do way too much stupid shit to get there, but he's also a little naïve and over eager and could be talked into some dumb shit. i think he should be allowed to get stupid drunk at least once.

any coworkers or frequent movie goers he could know from work

anyone to help him adjust to the world of the living who will be patient with him being a little weirdo

late night friends. i feel like ben is not used to being perceived and sometimes prefers to do things late when there aren't many people, so he can hang out with the insomniacs or people who don't sleep well

an accidental enemy or fight? like i said ben does speak up when he shouldn't and listen in on convos so he could definitely get some bad vibes going by mistake.

some other people with some more destructive powers that he could vibe with.

i'm also just happy to brainstorm he's easy to get along with

[zalisok]

TUA Season 4 Episode 3

Time for episode 3. Spoilers ahead, and let's go!

HUGE SQUID

what. is that. "what the fuck" is right, miss reporter lady

omg REGGIE

"once you get to the top, it's always a sex cult" DIEGO

allison and klaus :(

klaus go OFF

ray walked out??????? why would ray walk out???

:((((((((klaus:(((((((((allison

oh and klaus left. is it side plot time?

ben your hand oh no

talk to dAd (various annoyed sounds)

oh they're splitting up. that's never good.

liTtLe gReEk gUy

diego and lila :(((( they really, really have to communicate

NO MORE BABY SHARK

jesus christ ben's arm looks like a volcano eruption they did not hold back on the gore this season did they

why is there a llama???????????

JEAN AND GENE (we'll let you decide which one of us is dominant and which one of us is recessive) why did that actually make me laugh my sense of humor is broken

jennifer what's happening? what happened between ben and jennifer??

alpaca milk

wanda

wait did i miss something or how did five, lila and diego know how to get to jean and gene's house? did they track their car via the phone call five made?

so five can only blink to the subway?

five and lila sheninigans let's go (this is not going to end well...)

klaus?....klaus?...klaus what are you doing...?

klaus and claire :((oh no:(

yes diego flaunt those recon skills

oh shit the apocalypse

there are two fives now. a ten. and five doesn't seem affected by the apocalpyse at all?

the split screens woah

who is sy?? how does he know so much??

do jennifer and ben have a telepathic connection now?? what is that volcano liquid thing???

so jene and gene are professors (physics professors? or philosophy of physics professors? either way), and they want to restore the true timeline and bring about "The Cleanse"? their main grudge was that their reputations were being dragged through the mud, but what would bringing about "the cleanse" do to help that? (and what is the cLEANSE?)

squid???? what is it with tua and locking people up in places with their central trauma?

family newsletter??

aw viktor. truly daddy issues!daddyissues!

"the last time you talked to dad he murdered you" she's not wrong, luther

???why are the people so...nice???

viktor's theme playing????

what is happening???

"it's kind of a love-hate thing for me" aww :(

i love how everyone's so confused because...i am too??

oh klaus is LEVITATING

"i thought you were dead, but turns out you can float" sums it up quite well

oh my god klaus ????

REGINALD REGINALD REGINALD

"guess we know who wears the monocle in this relationship" ALLISON

i love how reginald and his wife? girlfriend? partner? are so loving and allison's like "????"

they don't know how ben died...

their memories? are missing?

"that said, it does sound like something i might do" why is he so evil...but somehow unintentionally funny

but doesn't sparrow ben remember jennifer? isn't this ben sparrow ben? or did the reset also mess with his memories??

ough the tentacles are helping ben walk

jean and gene's dancing is so delightful

oh ben's pissed

the change in tone was a bit unsettling

i don't trust reginald. the machine is kind of cool though.

viktor...not a good idea...don't do it....

"i'm sorry i lied about book club" aw

wait what???lila??

ok the machine is kind of scary.

what does that MEAN

i am so confused. but intrigued. (i've said that many times but it still holds true) need to watch the next episode.

[shadowydazecg]

Xenoblade Chronicles 2

The majority of the globe in Xenoblade Chronicles 2 is not habitable due to a disaster that struck the earth. The planet is now a vast wasteland, and mankind must dwell in small but constrained areas. The massive Titan species that serves as land is the foundation upon which the Xenoblade protagonists stand. But as the Titans perish and nature begins to deteriorate and sink into the Cloud Sea, the globe turns into a massive wasteland.

Something that interested me was that there was a vision of a location that resembled heaven. The way it was portrayed in this anime was done very nice. The vision represented a place where nature has blossomed and taken over while the wasteland has vanished. When the adventurers eventually make it there, though, they discover that everything has died and that all that is left is an artificial space station. They learn that the world was unintentionally destroyed by Klaus's experiment, to the point where nature is no longer able to repair itself. Also, there are devices that can help make the Titans grow. I found this really cool! This can represent how our society must help repair our environment because the damage being done to nature can't be repaired by itself. We as a society must continue to care for our planet in order to save our home. In Xenoblade Chronicles 2, these devices can restore nature back to what it was before the damaged ruined the land.

I didn't feel much watching this anime. I think because I'm so close to the finish line, I'm just flying through the anime for this class without sitting and thinking about it. Also, this anime was more of a video game than a regular anime. This was my first time watching an anime like this. I've watched cut scenes before, but I usually do that with a mix of the action scenes of video game. I probably won't try to play this game.

[dsgdsafge]

the touch was as icy as expected , matching the aura around her captor perfectly . she found herself wishing this farce of kindness of his would end ; it could make her forget his true intentions , and the fact that he surely couldn’t care less about her as a person .  ‘ what do you want with klaus ?  ’  she wondered , not pausing to consider perhaps she shouldn’t ask questions . for all she knew , he could choose to harm her at any moment , despite the promises he offered . but she had to know , needed answers . hopefully curiosity wouldn’t kill the cat this time …

                      but there were no answers here , simply words spoken in a riddle . the girl found herself strangely frustrated , feeling as though she were being treated as a child and being brushed aside . she supposed she simply wouldn’t know the truth , assuming answers couldn’t be found anywhere but from the source themselves . her mind flirted with the idea that perhaps it would be better not to know ; if he came even before the originals , and came into being in a different manner … maybe she didn’t want to know . being this close to him again cemented the idea that he was nothing like the creatures she’d met before , leaving her at a loss for words . moments later however , her eyes widened with shock .  ‘ a month ?  ’ panic shot through her , the very concept of that horrifying .  ‘ what if he never shows ?  ’  her voice was annoyingly shrill , even to her , but she couldn’t seem to calm down after such a declaration .            

          ‘ brother . ’  she startled at the sound of a new voice , grip unintentionally tightening around the fingers holding hers secure . she turned , alarmed to find another man standing right behind her .  ‘ what have you brought home that insists on chirping so insistently ?  is it too much to ask for some peace and quiet ?  ’  though he was clearly complaining , his face showed no such emotion , instead remaining completely neutral . they didn’t look very alike , but she realized why it was easy to tell they were related          the air around them was nearly identical . he was also devastatingly handsome , leading her to wonder vaguely how many more of them there were and why they had to be so attractive . she felt no animosity from the newcomer , but she knew better than to think he would help her . two vampires were seldom better than one .         

            his blank gaze stared down at her , as though she were an experiment under a microscope . in a manner that almost seemed childlike , he tilted his head to the side , a touch of confusion coloring the planes of his face .  ‘ you brought a snack … ?  ’  she bristled at that , finally managing to find her voice .  ‘ n-no one’s snacking on me !  ’  he was slow to blink , as though even that took too much energy . gaze finally lifting from her face , it moved instead to the figure behind her , as though he required a second opinion .  ‘ if not for a snack , then why ?  ’  he asked , yet didn’t seem to truly care , as though someone else had voiced the question . she also turned to eye michael , her frame yet again becoming restless .

[messers-moony]

Illness | F.H

Pairing: Five Hargreeves X Fem!Reader

Summary: Five gets sick for the first time in a long time

Five didn’t get sick often. He was always quite careful, so he didn’t catch a cold. But when he did catch a cold? He was a complete asshole to his siblings but also an absolute baby. 

The male hated sickness more than anyone in the world, but one thing that made getting sick worth it was being babied by his loving girlfriend. Granted, being babied hurt his pride but being sick was an excuse to let it happen. 

On this faithful morning of March 24th, Five woke up holding his girlfriend with an excruciating headache. When going to breathe, he realized how stuffy his nose was, and unintentionally he groaned, waking up his girlfriend. 

“ Five, you okay? “ Y/n questioned as she turned around to face the male lying in his back, staring at the ceiling, “ I’m fine. “ Five responded, but his voice said otherwise. 

Y/n smirked slightly, “ Your voice says otherwise. “

“ Shut up. “ Five groaned, moving to snuggle into the crook of her neck, “ You got sick from yesterday, huh? “ Y/n asked, raking her fingers through his hair. 

Five nodded with a slight whimper, “ I’m gonna get up and get you some medicine, okay? “ Y/n spoke as she pulled away, but Five only pulled her closer, “ No. Stay. “ 

“ Five’s your head isn’t gonna get better if I don’t get you some medicine. I know your head hurts like a bitch. “ Y/n informed, “ But you’re so warm, and I feel so cold. “ Five whined. 

“ I’ll be three minutes max, okay? “ The female announced as she left the bed, leaving her whiney boyfriend. 

She walked downstairs and grabbed some cold medicine from the cabinet. It wasn’t anything terrific, but it would definitely help lessen the length of the cold. Sighing, she held a cup of warm water and brought it upstairs along with the medicine. 

Upon entering the room, she found Five already sound asleep with his head buried in her pillow, probably breathing in her scent. Y/n set the glass of water on his nightstand and put the medicine beside it. 

Carefully she shook him, “ Fives, I need you to take this medicine. Then you can go back to sleep. “ Y/n’s soft voice rang through his ears, yet it felt so loud, making him groan, “ Mhm. “ Five hummed as he sat up. 

Y/n picked up the medicine and handed it to him, resulting in him placing it into his mouth. She took the glass in her hand and tilted it to his mouth as he swallowed both the contents. 

Five looked miserable. His cheeks were red, along with his nose. He looked unbearably tired, and his forehead was piping hot. Y/n gently kissed his forehead as she placed the water back on the night table. 

Her boyfriend had sunk back into the bed, falling asleep almost instantly. Y/n chuckled and moved the hair out of his face. Gently she kissed his cheek, making him smile subconsciously. 

Y/n walked back downstairs to see Diego, Allison, Klaus, and Luther at the table, obviously more awake than Y/n was. 

“ Morning, guys. “ Y/n greeted as she started making coffee, “ Where’s Five? Usually, he’s up before you. “ Luther questioned. 

“ He’s sick. Probably best not to disturb him today. You know how his temper is when he’s sick. “ Y/n informed, “ Who knew a little cold could take down the little psycho. “ Klaus teased. 

Allison scoffed, “ He just liked when Y/n babies him. “ 

“ And if he does? “ Y/n inquired, sitting on the counter with her coffee, “ Nothing. It’s just different to see Five enjoy being babied. “ Allison defended. 

“ You know, big and robust Five secretly enjoys being the little spoon. “ Klaus laughed, and Y/n shrugged, “ I’m not sayin’. “ Y/n replied. 

“ Y/n! “ Five’s voice echoed from upstairs, making her jump down from the counter, “ And that’s my cue. if you need me, talk to me by here. “ Y/n informed, pointing to her brain, referring to her telepathy. 

Y/n ran up the steps and into her shared room with her boyfriend. She found a whining boy lying on his bed. Gently she sat next to him, and his head instantly went to her lap, curling around her right leg. 

“ What did you need? “ Y/n asked as she ran her fingers through his day-old hair, “ You. “ Five’s muffled voice spoke. 

Y/n blushed, and Five slept soundly with her beside him now. To be honest, Y/n was bored out of her mind, but she didn’t really want to leave him, knowing he wouldn’t be the happiest if he woke up alone. 

It wasn’t that she didn’t enjoy his company. It’s just she didn’t plan on him to fall asleep on her lap, and her book was across the bedroom. Then she heard footsteps outside the door. 

“ Can whoever’s outside Five’s door come here. “ Y/n spoke loudly enough for the person to hear but for Five not to wake up, the door then opened. 

Allison appeared in the doorway, “ Yes? “ Allison inquired, “ Can you hand me my book on Five’s desk, please? “ Y/n politely questioned. 

Without a second thought, Allison grabbed the book and handed it to Y/n. She stood there for a minute, looking at her sleeping brother in Y/n’s lap. Allison smiled softly. 

“ He’s awfully cuddly, huh? “ Allison lightly teased, “ He’s sick, Allison. “ Y/n retorted. 

Allison sighed, “ I know, I know. It’s just we never get to see Five act sweet. He seems so cold and hard on the outside. It’s just a nice change of scenery to see him look and act so soft. “ Softly spoke, Allison, as Five nuzzled further into her lap. 

“ See! He’s being all soft and lovey. “ Allison quietly exclaimed, making Y/n lightly chuckle, “ He’s always like this, just not around you guys. “ Y/n responded. 

“ Why? “ The adult questioned, “ Truthfully? He doesn’t want you guys to make fun of him for being all ‘soft and lovey’. “ Y/n replied. 

Allison looked down with a sense of guilt, “ When he’s in the right frame of mind, tell him we won’t make fun of him. “ Allison said as she walked toward the door, “ I’ll be sure to let him know. “ The teen girl responded. 

Allison left the room and the door shut with a click. Y/n began reading through her book as her hand gently moved in Five’s hair and down his arm, soothing him as he slept. 

“ Princess. “ Five rasped as he had just woken up, “ What do you need? “ Y/n asked softly as she closed her book. 

Five smiled and pulled closer to her, “ I love you so much. “ 

“ I love you so much more. “ Y/n responded to her half-asleep boyfriend, “ And that’s why I’m gonna marry you someday. “ Five muttered, making her face light aflame. 

Y/n chuckled through the blush, “ You’re loopy from the medicine. “ Y/n spoke, “ I might be a little, but I know what I’m saying. “ Five responded. 

“ Why would you wanna marry me? “ Y/n queried, and Five sighed dreamily, “ Because you’re perfect. You love me through everything, even our fights. You know how to make good coffee, and you always reassure me when I need it most. You’re my girl, and I’ll be damned if I let you slip out of my grasp. “ Five explained as his hand gently rubbed her outer thigh. 

“ You are such a hopeless romantic, Five Hargreeves. “ Y/n complimented, “ Only for you. “ Five smiled.

[deannaroxannewrites]

Tropetember Day 5 - Accidental Confession / In Vino Veritas (Drunk Confession/Drunk Dial)

Unrequited love? Bite me

Pairing: Elijah Mikaelson x GN!Reader

Fandom: The Vampire Diaries

Rating: Teen and up

TW: Drinking/alcohol, language, vampirism/blood mentions, FWB mention

AN: Day 5 of @tropetember. Not my best work but hope you enjoy. Might rework this slightly at a later point.

A visit to the Salvatores in Mystic Falls should be pretty fun, until Damon decides to drag you to a party the Originals are throwing.

Find this story on Ao3 here.

Word Count: 1.5k

“Damon, you cannot be serious.”

Your best friend just gives you puppy dog eyes. Bright blue and sad as can be. It’s kinda pathetic.

“Pretty please.”

You huff, knowing you won’t win this argument. You’ve known him since you were both children, through him being turned by Katherine and later Stefan turning you (long story), and then on and off in the intervening century and a half. You even had a casual friends with benefits arrangement when you were both lonely/bored. Knowing him so well, you decide to save everyone the time and give in.

“You’re paying for my outfit Damon! I can not believe you’re making me go…”

He scoops you up and spins you, making you squeal as he thanks you. Stefan, who has been observing from the couch being absolutely no help, just laughs.

“You won’t regret it. It’ll be fun and we can learn some things at the same time. We’ll be the most attractive spy duo in history.”

You just roll your eyes and go to grab your keys before stealing Damon’s wallet. If you’re going to have to face the Mikaelsons again, you weren’t doing it in something you’d worn before. And you were going to buy something expensive out of spite.

------------------

The entrance to the Mikaelson’s house was the same as any other house in Mystic Falls: opulent, excessive and with far too much marble. You’d take a cosy cabin over this nonsense any day.

Clinging to Damon's arm, you enter the space and, thankfully, Klaus is the only one of the family greeting guests.

“Darling, it’s been a while.” You can’t help the reactionary smile as you embrace him. He could be bat shit crazy at times, but he’d always been kind to you.

“Klaus! I’ve missed you.” Out of your eye corner, you can see Damon giving you both evil eyes. Had you accidentally on purpose forgotten to mention you knew the original family? Oops, your bad.

Klaus doesn’t let you go far, holding you at arms length to admire your new outfit. You do look stunning in it, if you do say yourself.

“Beautiful.” He leans in to whisper in your ear “My brother really doesn’t realise what he’s missing.”

You laugh him off, ignoring the implication. You knew better.

“Now boys,” you say, glancing between them, “I’ll have no part in whatever this little competition or measuring contest is, and I expect you all to leave me out of it.” They both look a little guilty as they nod. “Marvellous. If you need me, I’ll be somewhere out of the way with a glass of champagne.”

And with that you head further into the party, leaving them to bicker.

-----

"Urgh, I've missed you so much! I can't believe you left us."

You and Rebekah are both waaaay too many glasses of champagne deep at this point. You’d been there a couple of hours by now and it had only taken Rebekah 30mins to realise you were there and take you hostage. You're currently sequestered on a sofa in a corner and are both a bit sloppy.

"What do you want me to say Bekah? It's your arsehole brother's fault."

"Wait, what? What did Klaus do?"

You laugh, just a tad hysterically and fortify yourself with another sip out of your glass.

"Wrong one. Go older"

A look of understanding comes across her face and she wraps an arm around you. You, sadly, don't have enough of your wits about you to realise that this isn't the best place for a drunken heart to heart.

Everything starts to spill out of you. How you and Elijah had spent so much time together. How you thought he liked you back, only for him to turn up with what's her name wrapped around him. How he'd laughed when you'd expressed your surprise that he was dating, and how it made you feel like nothing. It was too much for your heart to handle. So you’d left, had a fun rebound weekend with Damon and tried to move on.

Rebekah pulls back slightly, wiping a tear that had escaped without your permission.

"You're too good for him anyway," she says and you laugh.

"I wish that were true.” You pull yourself together a little and put on your best fake smile. “For now, I'm just going to don an air of indifference and pretend I'm not in love with your oldest brother."

Your mirth leaves you instantly as you hear a refined voice behind you ask, "now why on Earth would you do that?"

It’s amazing how panic can sober you up.

You turn slowly and meet the eyes of the oldest Original. He’s in a suit, as always, and has a confident smirk plastered across his face. That pisses you off.

“Cos he’s an asshole” you coolly reply before turning to Rebekah, pressing a kiss to her cheek and walking swiftly out of the room to find Damon to take you home. You’d embarrassed yourself quite enough for one night.

You’d never admit that you were disappointed that Elijah didn’t try to stop you.

------------

One of the advantages to being a vampire was that you very rarely got a hangover. Instead, you just slept in a little, made a cup of coffee and did some yoga before heading out to treat yourself to lunch. You didn’t need to eat but you enjoyed the taste, there was much more variety in food than blood.

You'd only arrived in Mystic Falls a couple of days ago for your visit to see the Salvatore brothers and as such hadn't had a chance to try out the Mystic Grill. This seemed like a perfect fit opportunity. Something greasy would be perfect right about now.

The grill was a bit dingy but it worked for the place and you were happy to learn that they have a pretty good menu selection. Your excitement was soured though when Elijah decided to join you for lunch.

Dressed in yet another suit, no tie and the top buttons of his shirt undone, he oozes charm and money. Add in the handsome features and knockout smile and you were lost. You're sure back in the day the ladies with delicate constitutions had to keep their smelling salts close. You could easily have fainted over him.

But he wasn't interested in you, as he had made very clear, so you were just annoyed that he was existing in your space.

Elijah watched you eat for a few moments, clearly taking note of your reluctance to acknowledge him.

"For someone who's in love with me, you don't seem particularly happy to see me darling."

You groan quietly and lower your utensils. Wishing him away wasn't working.

"What do you want Elijah?" You sound bitter, even to your own ears. So much for attempting to sound neutral.

"One of my favourite people, who I haven't seen for a long time, has reappeared and I want to spend time with them. Is that too much to ask?"

You start eating again, using it to buy time. You had honestly missed his company. You just weren’t sure if you could bear him breaking your heart again, even accidentally and unintentionally. Luckily, he had more to say.

“Klaus told me off after you left, you know?”

You look at him in surprise.

“Told me that I’d wasted my best opportunity at happiness. Which is especially concerning considering who it was coming from.”

You nod your agreement. Klaus wasn’t exactly known for his sentimentality.

He continues, “would you believe that I really thought you were too good for me? That I really thought you weren’t interested?”

“Elijah, you can not be serious.” You pull a face at him. “I literally spent all of my time with you, hanging on your every word. I would have followed you to the ends of the Earth. How could you not have known?”

“I just thought you were being your usual effervescent self. I started dating again to try and let you go.”

Miscommunication. You shake your head. 30 years of heartbreak all because of miscommunication. God, you could bang the pair of your heads together. It’s basically a crappy romance novel. Ok, this is ok. You can fix this. You have pretty much forever left, after all.

Taking the initiative, you lean forward and grasp Elijah’s hand. His eyes fall to where you wrap your fingers around his. A hopeful look takes over his face as he returns to your eyes.

“Elijah?” You smile. “Would you like to go on a date with me?”

He laughs. It’s a beautiful sound. You’re going to make it your personal mission to make him do it more often.

Lifting your knuckles to his lips, he places a gentle kiss on them.

“I can think of nothing else I’d rather do.”

[snicketstrange]

Rereading The Chapter 14 (The End)

I believed that in ASOUE's universe, chapter 14 was apparently written some time after the rest of the book. But I abandoned that idea. Lemony wrote to the editor that chapter 14 could be found at the end of the same manuscript.

We then have the epigraph of Le Voyage. It's an excerpt that portrays the moment of death, and perhaps the acceptance of death. But I don't think this means that Lemony is completely certain of the Baudelaires' death. I think it means he's pretty sure he won't write about the Baudelaires anymore. I think the right question is "why did Lemony decide to stop writing at this point in the story?" "Why did he plan to write more and then stop writing?" I think Lemony didn't promise to write the entire story of the Baudelaires. He promised to write the story of the conflict between the Baudelaires and Olaf. So when he was sure of Olaf's death, and that was only with the additional information he had probably had access to through Beatrice Jr, Lemony realized that the research might be over. The certainty of Olaf's death was the event he determined when the narrative came to an end. So, it makes us wonder what kind of promise Lemony made. Apparently he promised that he would clarify the facts surrounding the charges the Baudelaires went through, as well as the contexts in which these events took place. That's why it was so important to get this information out to the general public. Because it involved the honor of the Baudelaire family. Furthermore, this explains why he could not rely solely on the account given by the Baudelaires themselves: after all, they were being accused of being lying criminals. Lemony needed to clear their name, proving, so to speak, that the facts reported by the Baudelaires were real, and it was not enough just to record what he read in the island book.

I think this is the most sensible explanation, and as a theorist I will defend it. But as a fan willing to come up with slightly bizarre ideas, I feel like imagining Lemony realizing that his own death was close to happening. It would be interesting to imagine that Lemony's research took so long that he was an elderly man when he was publishing The End. And the reason Lemony finished his work at this point would be his physical limitations. That would explain shocking secret #13: "he's finished." And more than that: it would even explain the title of the book: "The End of Lemony Snicket". And furthermore, this would explain Lemony's dedication to Beatrice in chapter 14. After quoting the words of Charles B., in which the poet compares the hour of death with the setting off of a ship, Lemony claims that both he and Beatrice are like boats sailing at night, but especially her. Both were on a dark and lonely journey, but she was already dead. "

Beatrice's last words recorded in the book were really emotional to me when I first read them, and they still are today. Especially after I watched the Netflix series, it's now possible to imagine a very specific face when I picture Beatrice. And it's possible to think of a specific soundtrack when I read this.

About the baby's name, on my Headcanon Violet is the name of Mrs. W, who was presumed dead around the same time as Lemony. And in my Headcanon, just as Lemony didn't really die, she didn't either. I still like to think that she was the mystery woman on TGG, and that's the real reason Quigley used the name Violet in the message he sent to submarine Q.

I think this is the first time I stop to think that the Baudelaires ate crab. This is unclean food for those who practice Judaism as a religion, isn't it? I even thought the roast lamb was a reference to the Passover celebration, but they wouldn't do that by eating crab. Or is it that in a book in which Daniel Handler implicitly criticizes religion, he did so on purpose? I think it's unlikely, but still possible. But, albeit unintentionally, the Baudelaires rejected the religious customs of their ancestors in a book in which religious customs are questioned and this is significant.

"The baby had heard about danger, too, mostly from the register of crimes, follies, and misfortunes of mankind from which the Baudelaires read out loud each evening, although they had not told the infant the whole story. She did not know all of the Baudelaires' secrets, and indeed there were some she would never know."

The above excerpt is important as it reveals that Lemony has information about Beatrice Jr's future as he was writing this chapter. This explains how Lemony knows what happened in this chapter: Beatrice Jr told him. Lemony did meet her, and he realized that the Baudelaires hadn't told her the whole story.

A detail that has always pleased me in this book is to notice that after 1 year, Sunny stopped babbling words and has a more conventional and extensive vocabulary. I find this compatible with the fact that 1 year has passed and it's also compatible with her character development arc. One of asoue's themes is "how some children are forced to mature too quickly because of tragedy". Sunny, for example, needed to learn how to cook and convince herself that she loved doing it and that she was good at it in a few days. And all this before she learned to speak English properly. She needed to help with a birth long before she fully understood issues related to human procreation. But in chapter 14, she finally had the opportunity to develop without tragedies forcing her to skip important steps in life.

"Do we take this?" Violet asked, holding up the book from which she had read out loud.

"I don't think so," Klaus said. "Perhaps another castaway will arrive, and continue the history."

"In any case," Sunny said, "they'll have something to read."

Please realize how important this dialogue is. Daniel Handler placed this dialogue here to make sure the reader understood the source of information Lemony had access to: the island book. The children wrote about their own story in that book, including their thoughts, feelings, and private conversations. The children shared some details about ancient events, about when Sunny wasn't even born. In the book, Lemony found details about some events that took place on the island before the arrival of the three Baudelaires.

"I want to make sure these life jackets I've designed will fit properly."

Well... It's good to know that, even though the boat sank, the Baudelaires had lifeboats. Their chances of survival really increased a lot. And knowing that Beatrice Jr managed to survive a shipwreck, it's quite possible that they did too.

The Baudelaires watched her approach, wondering what the next chapter in this infant's life would be, and indeed that is difficult to say. There are some who say that the Baudelaires rejoined V.F.D. and are engaged in brave errands to this day, perhaps under different names to avoid being captured. There are others who say that they perished at sea, although rumors of one's death crop up are often revealed to be untrue. But in any case, as my investigation is over, we have indeed reached the last chapter of the Baudelaires' story, even if the Baudelaires had not.

Lemony just reports here what he heard. Although Daniel Handler intentionally wishes the ending to be left open, and I will respect his decision, I will speak my opinion. They didn't die at sea, though. Note that Lemony directly relates the baby's future to the future of the three Baudelaires. The way Lemony wrote here suggests that the baby's future is as uncertain as the future of her adoptive parents. But we TBL readers know the truth about Beatrice Jr.'s future. Beatrice is alive! So the most likely situation is that her parents are also alive. ( And who knows other characters that we thought had died there on TBB... could it be that at least one of them could also have survived?)

But the question is: if Lemony knows the baby survived, why did he hide this information from the reader? Certainly to protect his niece. Lemony didn't lie, just omitted some details.

The baby paused, and looked at the back of the boat, where the nameplate had been affixed. She had no way of knowing this, of course, but the nameplate had been nailed to the back of the boat by a person standing on the very spot she was standing—at least as far as my research has shown.

Lemony once again dismantled specific knowledge through research, which could only have been done through information provided by others. Beatrice Jr needed to tell Lemony exactly where she was at that moment and Lemony needed to compare that with the information Beatrice Sr and Bertrand wrote in the island book. And then, on visiting the site, Lemony was able to ascertain the most likely position for those descriptions. While Lemony is a bit mistaken, the research process must have been like that.

Finally, she uttered a word. The Baudelaire orphans gasped when they heard it, but they could not say for sure whether she was reading the word out loud or merely stating her own name, and indeed they never learned this. Perhaps this last word was the baby's first secret, joining the secrets the Baudelaires were keeping from the baby, and all the other secrets immersed in the world. Perhaps it is better not to know what was meant by this word, as some things are better left in the great unknown. There are some words, of course, that are better left unsaid—but not, I believe, the word uttered by my niece, a word which here means that the story is over. Beatrice.

Oh... How I love this ending. That's when I felt my head explode for the first time in my life, and I'm still picking up the pieces.

[hellsalemsworld]

Since it’s alright, may I request some headcanons for Zapp Renfro on how he acts around his crush who’s very kind and soft? …but is completely oblivious to any of his advances so they don’t really notice any of his advances to the point where everyone thinks he might be friendzoned, but reader actually has a crush and is just mega dense.

So sorry your ask got held off for so long. Here it is.

I love this idea so much.

❤ Headcanons ❤

Zapp

Zapp is a huge flirt and loves to think he’s total hot stuff much to the annoyance of Libra (except Klaus because he tolerates Zapp). His crush, who just joined Libra, is no exception to his advances. While crush is so sweet and friendly to everyone and is fond of furry animals, they’re quite oblivious to Zapp’s advances made on them and tends to unintentionally cut him off by saying they have duties to attend to. This leaves Zapp with much frustration but it only gives him more reason to keep doing it. He wants crush to notice him and how sexy he is. What an egotist.

Zapp continues to flirt with crush with the same result as the first time. They didn’t even notice and continued to do their thing and they were even seen socializing with the other Libra members. Crush really enjoys Zed’s company and Zapp takes this the absolutely wrong way. Seeing them with Zed of all people? It pisses Zapp off so he storms off to calm down prompting crush to ask if he was okay. Zed tells crush to leave him be as he’s being unreasonable at the moment which to his surprise, crush says they’re concerned for him and is important to them as with everyone else. “Zed, I know you and Zapp may not always see eye to eye but he is important like everyone else. I’ll check on him later.”

The young man gets shocked when his crush comes up to him and asks how he’s doing. He tries to play it cool by rudely saying he’s doing fine and that he’s totally not jealous of them being with Zed. “Huh? What are you talking about? I’m friends with him. Isn’t that what friends do? Socialize with each other?” Zapp is annoyed with the response due to his seething jealousy and kinda lashes out on them which scares crush a bit. The moment he sees their reaction to his brief outburst, he calms himself down quickly and apologizes for being harsh. He attempts to assure them he isn’t angry at them. He’s not the best at comforting people but he tries and it’s admirable.

The crush gets assured and accompanies the man for a while. Zapp can’t help but feel a little red in the face with the two of them close in proximity. Crush talks about how worried they are for him and his wellbeing because he gets into fights too often and sometimes sustains injuries from his recklessness. “What?! Worried about me?! I’m not a kid!” Of course, Zapp continues to brag about himself to them which crush just sits and listens to him.

After some time has passed for Zapp to cool a little, he finds the urge to ask them suddenly if they like him. As much of an egotist he is, he’s nervous about asking the question. He thinks they aren’t into him because he’s not always a considerate person and he knows he can turn his colleagues off from his nature. He’s afraid he’s turning them off and tries too hard to earn their affection and attention to no avail. He seethes with jealousy every time they come off hanging with Zed, Chain, or even Steven. He feels he got friendzoned and everyone has seen it happen, much to his embarrassment.

“Hey, [name], I gotta be honest... This whole time when we’re together, I have been trying to earn your attention by acting like I’m the hottest man on Earth but it seems no matter what I do, you don’t seem to want me!” Zapp blurted out to crush. They get confused and looked at him kinda funny. “What do you mean? I’ve always liked you... The truth is... I’m dense and I don’t always pick up on things.” Zapp dropped his jaw, learning his crush has always had feelings for him but never really got through his language despite him making it obvious he likes them. “...You idiot! It was so obvious! Don’t make a fool of me!” The two of them kiss in the end and it might’ve gotten passionate fast.

[monkey-network]

Why Klaus IS Christmas Kino

Klaus isn’t flawless, let’s get this out the way. My love for this film won’t deny that it bears a couple nits that can distract the experience. Jesper and Alva’s relationship felt like an eye-rolling inevitability, notable cliches here & there, a notable song felt both fitting and out of place, and while enjoyable, I’m not as big a fan of the climax as I thought. But in spite of it all, I love this film and it is one of the best modern animated Christmas films, period? Follow me here. I could go on about its wonderful animation cuz yeah, it’s unlike any other film. But a philosophy of mine is that the best animation enhances the writing and I can say Klaus is that surprisingly well written and has become an all time Christmas fave

*deep breath in* So let’s do this...

I mention that Klaus has its cliches, but you gotta know that it’s smarter than expected. Believe me when I say if the writers didn’t care, this could’ve actually been so much worse. Jesper could’ve been more manipulative towards everyone for his goals, Klaus would’ve given up entirely after knowing the truth about Jesper, we could’ve had an argument between Jesper and his dad about upholding business, the townsfolk could’ve reverted back to their old ways, plenty writing moments where this could’ve been Emoji Movie levels of insulting to your intellect. BUT, they don’t. The film never really turns back on itself, it keeps moving where, as the notable quote goes, an act of good will sparks another as it starts with Jesper’s father.

Even if nepotism was responsible for Jesper getting the job in the first place, he clearly sees his son be more spoiled than he’s worth so is like, “Ma boi, I will send you to the ends of the earth or leave you to the streets if you don’t do something with yourself.” He never cared about his son representing the postal company, or ruining his top class image, he was only tired of Jesper taking advantage of his fortune while not having any ambition of his own. Can’t help but say Jesper’s dad is a very respectable character because the sole reason the whole plot happened in the first place was because he just wanted his son to do better. It’s that act of genuine consideration that pushes Jesper to his wake up call as he reaches Smeerensburg.

People have compared this movie to Emperor’s New Groove through Jesper’s character and I say yes, but this film takes that next step and put Jesper in the pit of pits way early. Reminds me more of Ratatouille’s beginning where Remy’s lowest point is around the same time as Jesper’s. The harsh atmosphere of the island is treated very blunt in how this is our mailman’s nightmare come true. With his situation, our guy is truly at his lowest. Gives up now, he’ll be cut off his inheritance and probably will have worse. Everyone hates him and each other, his post office itself is in shambles, symbolic of how communication is practically thin outside conflict, and the teacher turned fish seller Alva is that path Jesper could notably be if he didn’t try. Everything is literally grey for this guy, but like Ratatouille, when you’re at your lowest there’s no where else to go but up. That’s where Klaus comes in...

This is genuinely the most clever interpretation of Santa I know, hands down. A well established woodsman, a crafter both of living, for him and the birds that reside in his woods, and recreation with the toys he made himself not just for kids, but specifically the kids he and his wife wanted but couldn’t have. Klaus feels like a real person, not just another take on the mythical man. You’re with him and Jesper as he, after familiar winds provide him a letter, a small spark to do something good, soon opens up and gets reminded of what’s kept him going all these years. It is no wonder he sees his wife in Jesper, it’s thanks to him that he could refurbish his dashed dream into a new one. He didn’t just want to do it for the children of the island, but for himself. That is another thing about this film: communication. I mention before how it’s practically thin at first due to a long going feud that isn’t even aware of why it’s still going. The joy in hate is only for hatred’s sake, and they make it very clear how miserable it all feels. That is where Jesper comes in. They don’t take shortcuts with how he gets the ball rolling, both accidentally and purposefully, he boots up to get things done, pushes himself to go to Klaus to make things happen. This is all in part by the youth, what really ties the plot together...

As I mentioned before (again), life in Smeerensburg is noticeably miserable but thanks to Klaus, by extension Jesper, the kids are enticed to do what it takes to get some genuine joy in their lives through the toys they’re able to get. They’ll make them letters, and if they can’t write, they’ll go to Alva for teachings, and if they act naughty, they’ll try to do good which in turn pushes the adults to do good for the sake of their kids. It really would’ve been one thing to sure enough make the kids spoiled because of the toy giving, focusing more on the extrinsic value of Klaus’s kindness but no. The children are very grateful for these gifts enough to feel compelled to do good, and it makes them feel good as much as it soon makes the adults more convinced to stop fighting. It helps that this all takes place in older times cuz I believe this would’ve been far different, possibly worse, if this took place in modern times. That or just kinda rip off Arthur Christmas, it’s my guess. As such, it gradually becomes an amazing Christmas film because it isn’t just the presents, the Santa Claus myth, the festive style of it all that makes this holiday special to me. It’s the warmth... of togetherness.

My favorite detail about Klaus is how it transitions from cold to warm with its atmosphere. We start out with the emptiest, harshest environment, enough fog to choke your eyes, and then we get to this moment with a brighter, clearer sight of the more united town as the Christmas spirit builds in the film, even when it isn’t even that day yet in-universe, so too does the warmhearted feeling that can come from celebrating it appear more and more. This film fleshes out more of what the Grinch taught me, what A Charlie Brown Christmas taught me, what I’ve come to appreciate about Christmas as I grew up in this materialistic world. I can say everyday can have the Holiday spirit, but Christmas is the time where I feel compelled to be grateful of what I’ve made and got and give back when honestly, I don’t care about getting the most expensive stuff anymore like I used to when I was way younger. This film is so sincere in what it wants to say, and you know this is indeed the same guy that made Minions. Yeah, not kidding and I’ll let you sit with that if you’re reading this as I continue because we have to talk about that moment...

Yeah, I don’t like being the Nostalgia Critic, but I too don’t take kindly to the ‘liar reveal’ trope myself and this could’ve been a point where the film lost me a little. Though you know what? It still works. See, with that trope, what sucks is that it can tend to unravel the plot to where you know as soon as they break apart, they’ll get back together regardless of the deed done. This is why I don’t like A Bug’s Life, don’t @ me. But I’m not saying it can’t done right, like in Over the Hedge. The breakup between Jesper and the others is painful, but it is necessary to give us a couple great character moments. One is with Jesper and his dad, who came back personally to see that Jesper has indeed built something for himself. We get no dialogue between them but it’s clear that even when Jesper’s unintentionally successful thanks to Yzma and Bubba, he can tell his son wasn’t happy leaving everything behind, so he lets him stay since that was what he truly wanted this whole time. Again, give that man some credit for amazing dad. Another moment comes before the big reveal where not only do we see Jesper come to understand his own guilt surrounding his original intentions, but in the end they never hated him for coming back, especially due to him inadvertently stopping the enemy feud all together. Lastly, without that moment, we probably wouldn’t have got this smile. When Margu, purest character ever that I could make a whole segment about but I don’t wanna keep you too long, started to tear up after calling for Jesper thinking he left for good but she then sees our guy never really left and we get this teary smile:

I felt that. Almost more than anything else in this film.

Cliched as it can appear, the execution excels in those more memorable emotions for this film. It’s been a year since I watched this again and I remember so much about these characters. And my god, I haven’t even gotten to the animation which... my god.

Klaus is indeed the most beautiful upon beautiful films I’ve seen, and what makes it better is that it all enhances the story. I mention before of its transitional visual from cold to warm sights, but goddamn, the character designs, the environments, the expressiveness, the textures all amount to style perfect for this alone. I think it would’ve as well received if it had a more flat look, but they seriously went higher for a traditional appealing story that compliments the unique children’s storybook look of it all. This honestly is better than most of modern Disney films that I’ve seen, ironic since it feels like if you took Tangled the Series and made it 3D with more fluid character animation. And if I’m comparing something to the continuous mindblower that’s Tangled the Series, you’ve most certainly got on my best side.

Sergio Pablos and his team really pulled no punches in making this a great movie. A great Christmas movie, one worth seeing if not at least once but every Holiday season for tradition’s sake. Klaus gave me a good time, made me cry, and above all showed me to never stop having a good heart because doing good can indeed go far, thankless as it can be. Heck, my heart felt more rejuvenated than before in making this critique, that’s a testament to how much good this film means to me personally. What else is there to say?

It's The Best

[moonexile]

weirdly specific but helpful character development questions

@lingeringscars asked: what phrases, pronunciations, or mannerisms did they pick up from someone / somewhere else?

this is more noticeable when he’s a kid,  but he used to stand like his father.  he thought of himself as his father’s right-hand man,  and he wanted to be like him in that regard —- powerful, strong, a leader, etc.  it really just added to how blind he was to his father’s abuse, obviously, but when he was younger, he really thought it was important to present himself in a similar way to reginald.  he’d see him standing tall with his back slightly arched and his chin up,  and luther would immediately start to stand the same way, filled with so much pride.  this is especially true for after missions + in the press.  he drops this once his siblings leave and he no longer feels like he’s got anything to prove — to them or to his fans.

after returning from the ‘60s, once he starts to get to know his siblings better and starts to become friends with them,  he starts to (unintentionally + absentmindedly)  reflect some of their mannerisms.  this is noticeable a lot with diego, especially when they’re on the same side and they’re arguing with others.  diego looks so sure of himself in those moments and luther, despite having confidence for most of his life, doesn’t really have that anymore, so he sees what diego is doing and he reflects that in his own mannerisms. 

he’s also quite the gentleman with the way he properly introduces himself to people, greets people with “ma’am,” the smiles he offers strangers — or people who aren’t strangers not friends either ad he's decided they’re friends anyway.  i think part of this is because he was likely media-trained ( in some way ) when he was a kid,  but also some of that is reflected from the way pogo talks —- especially since he was likely the only person that luther had to talk to for so many years, given how rare talks with dad were.  and grace would have encouraged his manners, too. 

he also has been using a few abbreviations that he clearly hasn’t used before,  like saying “none of your biz”—- it comes off a little clunky and you can tell that he just has never spoken that way,  because he was isolated for so many years before his family reunites, that it’s very clear he’s starting to pick up on pieces of slang that his family is using and adopting it for himself.   and he gets really proud of himself when he gets an opportunity to use it, too — -even something as simple as noting the paradox psychosis five had brought up last season, he got so overly excited to be able to talk about it (and yes, say it incorrectly, too)  because he learned something new from his siblings and it made him feel closer to them.

he just sort of studies his siblings in a way.  i think this is especially noticeable with klaus in that luther has accepted he may never fully understand him,  but he is so fascinated in him any way.  one of my all time favorite moments between them is at the end of 2x10 when they’re about to go back to 2019, klaus stops everyone, grabs the cowboy hat, and comes back.  luther is looking at him with such fascination and confusion and i think little moments like that really stick with him.  it comes back around in the void in 3x10, when klaus does a dance and luther tries to mirror it  (failing miserable, but with spirit!) 

[apocalypse-gang]

OK I'M SO INTRUIGED IN UR ANTI COFFEE SHIT AU ITS HILARIOUS how does dave finally woo klaus over if he ever does I'm so curious

Thank you, I'm so glad to hear people are interested!

Honestly, part of what Dave does to win Klaus over is like... he stops trying to be cool? He thinks "Okay I don’t know what I’m doing and I need to stop trying to impress him, it’s not working. He isn't gonna like me back, I’m just gonna be myself and maybe we can be friends" and that’s what happens. Not trying to sound super cool or overly sophisticated, he’s just wholly and completely himself.

And of course that’s what gets Klaus to start liking him. What draws Klaus in is that Dave is just. Ordinary. And that’s fascinating to someone like Klaus, who constantly dealing with the extraordinary and all sorts of oddballs and off color characters. And here’s this guy who’s just genuinely kind. Not just nice to play an angle, but kind. He’s caring without a second thought. He doesn’t try to stir the pot or wallow in his own self pity. He’s also straightforward and completely genuine. He also just able to be emotionally vulnerable, something Klaus really hasn’t seen in people before him. Also once Dave is showing his confidence, that’s what really starts to seal the deal. Because there, unintentionally (and then slowly and eventual intentionally) flirting and absolutely charming Klaus. Here is Dave, who is odd in his own right with his own quirks, who downright dorky at times, but he’s self-assured. Dave just seems to know himself, while Klaus doesn’t really know himself at all, and so that’s just alluring to him. Dave just seems to have himself all figured out, or at least more figured out than most people. I think part of it is that he’s all these things Klaus isn’t/feels like he isn’t or ever could be till now. But he feels like he can be those things with Dave. It helps that Dave isn’t exactly stickler or a boy scout exactly, but he’s a grounding and non-judgmental presence, and someone Klaus gets to help trying and explore new things.

I won’t say too much, but my current plan is that they end up in a very similar situation for the show. They developed rapport and had been friends for a bit, and then in a moment things just click :)