#like i dont hate YA because its the only thing recommended to me

[fastepp]

i need YA to be better written and I need full grown adults to stop recommending me YA. these two things are related.

[thepowerisyouth]

MONEY / FINANCE STRESS CONTENT WARNING, this next line is unfortunately quite stressful about money so this was an important warning for me to add:

This is also less for the random strangers on the internet who have no reason to trust my advice but more for the 10-15 people I know personally who trust my money advice based on prior experience and Ive sent them my blog link in the last month or two

US stock market is about to tank. On a global perspective its stupidly overpriced because markets like China are hitting 5 year lows (as in we've increased our stock market over 2x since "COVID lows", but their market is even lower than it was then.

Timing is hard but it is entirely possible yesterday was the peak of the market. Might also not tank for 6 months.

Market psychology is fucking weird tho so please absolutely dont 'short' anything, which is basically the same as 'buying puts'. Michael Burry nearly bankrupted all his friends, family, and random investors by insisting on 'shorting' things based on knowledge of impending crisis.

Just sell everything. I mean literally everything. Bond etfs might go up but youd have to have eyes glued to the charts to sell in time. Gold wont do, neither will bitcoin. Their negative correlation to stocks isnt really a thing anymore.

Get every etf, stock, whatever into cash in the brokerage account, then move it out of the banks/brokerage firms and into something physically in front of you because we are, in fact, in another 'historical period of bank runs' its just not quite at the peak yet.

Not trying to increase anxiety beyond nessecary-- its just that any, single bank can immediately freeze your money-- leaving it up to the Federal Government to pay you back-- and it might possibly be the case that youd have to rely on whats called a "bank bail in" to see your savings again.

Not a fun situation to be in, even if it wont happen to most people its just safe practice to do this during a "historical period of bank runs"

----------------

This blog is basically my diary of my thoughts (suprise suprise). But Im an open book, privileged (but poor) little white boy with complex societal/generational abuse and very little home problems so lets fucking go theres a whole mormon cargo van to unpack

Definitely recommend tags Im terrible at them.

---

To those reading this, if you have ever met me in real-life or on the internet than you have taught me varying degrees of information which can be randomly retrieved by my brain at any time depending on current CPU performance. Thoughts of my loving husband have occupied my headspace probably 95% of my time since 14 so he has absolutely taught me at least 100x more than anyone else in the world.

When I say "I", oftentimes Im thinking about "me and my husband", or even sometimes "me and my friends/family", or even sometimes "me and society"--- but I am not always 100% aware of the current headspace environment and/or beliefs of the minds of those around me without feedback

---

There are currently over 8 billion individual varieties of the global human language spoken within the mind. Lets start translating them all. Misunderstood words become mean labels.

I fucking hate mean labels

"Math wiz" = racism and/or classism and/or gender shit. Fuck that shit

When a person is niched off into one part of an 8 billion population human society, it becomes impossible to not "live in a bubble". Bubbles change in size constantly even if not visibly observed. Bubbles can be different sizes depending on your current day-to-day thoughts of your own society. Bubbles must pop. Enlightenment implies life only gets better the more times ya pop and lock it

My path away from purely mathematics, logic, and scientific theory began when I met my husband, and for the first time in my life it became important to me not to be an asshole to everyone around me

Ive been told (only after I started dating my traumatized husband tho and helped him heal a lot) that I'm a natural communicator-- and all my life I found myself listening and learning to everything and everyone around me trying to understand both their and my own motivations-- then I like to garble them up and spit 'em out. My memory recall ability is wonky tho and fluctuates highly with nutrient intake-- I'll get into that later

I wish I could have a million years to read every blog on tumblr. I really do. Connecting & communating is extremely important for understanding one another but it takes time

I had an extremely unique childhood (who hasnt lol), enough so to isolate myself quite a lot through sheer dumb luck. My mom is also everyone's favorite school teacher so of course I was learning a lot from a young age. Luckily I glued myself to the first person who wanted to glue themselves to me equally & we grew exponentially closer to eternity

If its still not clear: my husband and I are bored and love chatting with people, but like most internet loving freaks my mouth don't work sometimes well but my fingies do. My ears got fluff a lot but I got eyes for LEDs like a hawk. Wish they werent LED tho

I also have a naturally short sleep cycle (i.e. extra time for this), and I really wont be offended or weirded out by someone reading through and liking 20+ or whatever of my posts at once randomly. Stories are supposed to be read in chunks, and I think of this blog as a story & also workspace for my thoughts that Id love to see which chapters everyone has read through. Also I love (and only respond positively to) positive feedback, yet also suggestions for ways to improve my "theorums". As in, good faith discussions are totally welcome on any post.

For my 50 year old parents reading my blog so lovingly in their limited evening time-- you can sort by tags to see what topics your familiar with, if you play around with the search function while on my page. Mom. Show dad how to do it

In the very, very bottom of my blog I dont even think I managed to tag shit properly-- but its the roughdraft workings of the philosophy, as well as my own logical framework for answering lifes questions. Its 2 months ago so I might not even be writing according to my own works down there anymore idk I change fast sometimes

Last thing for now here is that I was always criticized by teachers for not showing my work, and for not reviewing my tests before turning in, and I pushed back hard because nearly every time I went over and corrected a mistake-- I saw I most often got it right the first fucking time on a pure hunch. I act on impulse when I'm not meditating mostly for efficiency purposes because I believe I'm correct, but remain open to emotionally positive feedback so I can help remove all doubt.

-------

This might turn into my 'life story' post, as its already going there. Heres what I have so far in the way of my knowledge of my family before I was brought into existence, and my "earliest memories":

Family context:

I dont know jack shit. Nobody talks about it at all.

Here's my own observations Ive made using the framework and perceptive filters I was given--

My whole family is white Texans.

Ancestory is slaveowners of course, further back is a very likely direct parent-child descendent line from the most famous inbred british royalty of the 13th century i.e. King John, whose brother was the arab genociding Richard.

I would call my immediate family as upper poverty class. Its more like poverty with extra privileges cause mental health stigma was the only thing holding them back not other shit too.

As children we had a lot of very privileged opportunities because my parents made a lot of sacrifices to try and bring us back up the class ladder. Lets look into that generational trauma issue

My dads parents (born in the early 40s, dont know the year exactly. I think '43 or '44) were more upper middle class, pretty high income. Owned an insurance business that was very successful by the early 2000s at least. My grandpa is described to me as a "monster" and "violently abusive". I have a single memory of him screaming at me as a young child and I was cowering under a desk, so I really believe it. No other stories at all to provide context.

-- I gotta split this section off I realized I wrote the next thing about post-me context Ill need to move this part lower down later--

My grandpa got early onset dementia, my dad didnt notice in time, and my grandpa bankrupted his successful company and lost several million of dollars to "scammers and sexy ladies."

My dad found out around 2015-16 or so. He told me a little bit after telling me my grandparents were getting divorced. My dad managed to scrape together about $200,000 which is being sued for by the IRS actively.

(He split that money in two, and entrusted me tell him how to invest half in safe value stocks that I handpicked as well as a calculated risk allocation to bonds which we sold for 30% profit the second the market crashed. He gave the other half to a brokerage advisor. I never met the advisor but saw the results. Dont get me started on how the other dude did with that money-- we started this endeavor in January 2020.)

Personally I also dont believe that its possible to spend an entire fortune on scammers and strippers, so Id love to see his books and figure out what the hell went wrong with that asshole. I have a hunch I know something more than anyone else ("Enron", guys, we're talking about an insurance company in HOUSTON, in the 2000s) but I will never be sure without the books.

----

Back to other family--

I do not know a single thing about my grandma on my dads side. She raised me quite a lot, but yeah I literally have only heard her life described to me as "she was a housewife"

On my moms side, my Mimi (also born 1940s but slightly younger so I think 1946 or 1947) came from a divorced, upper middle class family. In 1964-65, She and her step mom both got knocked up the same year so she watched her divorced dad remarry to said step mom when she was 18-19 and getting a shotgun marriage herself, so you can imagine what that was like. The "biological" of the two moms was a very good mom and very queer from what I hear. She died when I was a baby, from lung cancer. Thats all I know. My mimi raised me quite a lot, nearly equally as much as my mom did

My mom's dad, my Papa, came from a rural farming family in East Texas. Dont know much else of anything, but he and his siblings were named "Billy, Bobby, and Betty". As in, they are what everyone likes to call "hicks"

--

Moving onto my direct parents now. I know a little more about them of course, but since we're getting closer in age to the present-- I think itll be easier to describe my understanding as common stereotypes. If its unclear what I mean definitely feel free to ask, but I'll probably say "I dont really know"

Not much else is relevant other than knowing that my moms family was the mormon one, but that as soon as my dad was love-bombed by the church he joined to. Mormons were also different in the 90s I'm told.

My dad struggled with being one of the "crazy schizos" of the 90s. As in, very traumatized, upset, and gaslit by the government and his parents. Must have done a damn good job dealing with it by the time he was in his late 20s and I popped out cause he was never a "bad dad" to me at all. Definitely yelled and was more angry at times, but less than any other friends parents Ive ever met, and from what I remember he came into my room at night and apologized to me literally every single time within like 5-10 minutes. I know pretty much nothing about him pre-me. He was a tradesman my whole life and specialized in remodeling kitchens & bathrooms (the 'dirty work of construction'). All his initial clientele were the rich people my grandma lived near and was friends with.

My mom would have been extremely queer-presenting and posting on tumblr if born in the year 2000, but was born in early 70s, and was a raegan teen in high-school in Texas during the satanic panic-- she presents completely cis, straight, but has body dysmorphia issues. Thats about you need to know about those issues I'm sure my tumblr folks can assume the rest and be perfectly correct. Cause thats about all I know too and I'm assuming the rest about my own mother

--- Earliest memories

I think a lot of people face doubt about their own earliest memories, maybe hearing the way I connect the images of these events in my head to my emotions I felt will help others do the same.

----

Two disclosers about me & my current healthcare discoveries before moving on

1) My only "major" childhood trauma is loneliness. I have a partner now (started dating early high school, nearing 10 years together now) who was just as lonely and we are glued to each others side constantly, and have made our life work great that way. So don't feel too bad reading this, I'm only able to write it down because Ive healed that trauma and can dig this stuff up with no issues to validate the emotions I felt even as a child

1) I believe I have a genetic trait that is only just getting discovered. There are something like 6 discovered mutations that hold this similar trait so far, and its just basically chronic insomia.

It being a genetic trait tracks with how my mom describes me as never settling into a normal sleep pattern at 6 months old, having absurd amounts of nightmares and death anxiety keeping me up at night as a child, and I still dont sleep at any given time. I average 2 hours less sleep than my husband, who averages 7-8 now that he isnt actively being abused at home.

Going to get sequenced but even if negative I'd probably just be a 7th mutation, as they only found the other 6 genes via case study.

The scientists whove discovered it call it "Familial Natural Short Sleeper", if you desire to look it up. They describe the trait like its the best possible thing in the world. Well... terminally chronic insomia is not the best thing in THIS world thats for sure.

---------

My "earliest memories"

These arent ranked by time accurately of course. Took enough effort digging through my brain to turn them up, not like Ive got a 2003 calendar stuffed in here as well.

I did do my best to sort by first memory but it also might be sorted by the order at which I recovered the memories as being one of my "earliest" when I was a child and asked such things

1. Pure emptiness. I can only describe it as dissociation. I can remember nothing about the environment around me, except feeling suddenly sucked out of it, seeing only darkness, feeling almost a ringing in my ears and the deepest dread possible. This same feeling followed me in life for a little while, but started to take more visual shape when I was an adolescent, until at some point I would see myself sitting in a chair alone in a room that is infinitely sized but that slowly gets darker the further out you go. I cant remember what exact "real-world" event caused this feeling to ever happen each time it did. I just can remember having it happen occasionally when I was awake and doing things. Definitely dissociation. (If you are willing to believe me further I think its just probably "lights out" and being scared of that)

1. Riding a mattress down the stairs. I kind of remember two images, one is the tunnel vision of going high speed down the stairs and the other would be from looking back up at the stairs when I was done going down. Totally fun, probably my first rollar coaster ride. I might remember my siblings laughing too but it wouldnt be because I can remember the actual laughing-- but I can remember feeling the joy of being in a group of people laughing. At the time, my parents were selling the house so thats why I also remember it being a completely empty carpeted room that we were riding down into

2. My brother smashing his head repeatedly into the refrigerator for 'fun' and someone saying "wow he has a hard head" or something along those lines. I was learning english I cant remember exactly what they said but that was definitely the meaning I took from their words. I think this memory is strong, because I was truly very curious as to why my brother was just running at full speed, head down, and headbutting a hard surface. The words someone said after that must have been one of my first 'answers'

3. Watching my siblings play in rare Houston snow. Not much remembering there actually. Probably just thought it was mezmorizing to watch as I just really remember a picture and feeling peace

4. Will add more later.

[demadogs]

Hey! Can you rec your favourite snowbaz fics? I keep seeing some posts in between that mention them and i am curious of the names. (Also I know a lot of people in fandom who refused to read the other two books but pls give them a shot. Awtwb is my fav, even more than CO!!)

PS. Shoutout to you and @kidovna for being the only active snowbaz and byler fans i know of! I feel represented!

HELL YEAH I CAN!!!!!!! ive had people ask me for byler fic recs and i couldnt even give them an answer bc literally the only fanfiction i ever read is snowbaz. ive read maybe 4 byler fics total but i read snowbaz fics multiple times a week which is honestly crazy considering i first read the book like 7 years ago and im still wanting more content every day.

most of these arent that long bc i personally like to read something i can read in one sitting or at most 2-3 days. but if you do want a wholeass novel boy do i have an author for you (philaetos).

the wheel by sleepdeprivedphilosopher

this is one of my favorite fics ever and its also by one of my favorite authors. its an au but theres still magic. simon and baz are in this never ending cycle of constantly being reincarnated in a new life together. theyre always rivals and simon always ends up killing baz but every life the situation for why theyre rivals is different. (this isnt a spoiler you find out pretty soon) the reason for this is that the first time simon killed baz he begged fate, who is like an actual personified thing you can talk to, to give him another chance so she “spun the wheel” and allowed him to be able to have another chance every time he messes up and kills him. so theyve been reincarnated for like centuries. its so good that i wish it was a whole book with completely new characters. i hope this author some day actually write a novel like this i love the plot so fucking much. it kinda reminds me of the show dark which is my favorite show of all time.

do as your told by IL46

also one of my favorite authors. they havent posted that much but everything they have i LOVE!!!!!!!! this one is my favorite tho. simon accidentally curses baz with a compulsion spell that forces him to do whatever anyone tells him to do and they work together with penny to try and create a counter spell for this ancient illegal spell that has no current counter. bazs life is pretty much ruined and hes really going through it but simon helps him. lots of hurt/comfort. i really loved this one.

love alarm by nevergonnacallmedarling

my favorite kinds of snowbaz fics are ones with a spell gone wrong and this is one of those. someone casts a spell that makes everyone whos within ten feet of someone theyre in love with have an alarm go off in their heart announcing their love. so baz is fucked and hes avoiding simon at all costs its really fun (not for him).

kiss it better by krisrix

this one SLAPS simon gets slashed by a goblin in the leg and the only way baz could help is with the kiss it better spell but hes so scared to do it bc he has to kiss the wound and ya know vampire and all that. i love this one.

a room just for two by krisrix

another banger by this author. its just late night conversations between the two of them and they slowly become more and more friendly and open up to each other more and more.

dream with eyes open by krisrix

i love this author ok. this ones about simon invading baz’s dreams over the summer break with “psychological warfare”.

sweet dreams by annabellelux

simon has nightmares so baz casts sweet dreams on him every night but that just leads to simon having romantic dreams about baz.

dont hate the player hate the game by annabellelux

i fucking love truth or dare fics

and these are some much longer ones if thats more what youre looking for. i actually am all here for the slowburn and thats it so ngl to you i ditched both of philaetos’ fics after they kissed even tho theres was so much left but i still recommend it because the slow burn slaps.

wondrous and mystical by philaetos

i fucking LOVE philaetos theyre fantastic. this one takes place right after baz gets back from being kidnapped and it really explores his trauma bc the book really brushed over the fact that he was literally locked in a coffin for over a month. so this is simon and baz slowly becoming friends and simon noticing that somethings definitely wrong with baz. i also like fics where simon finds out baz is gay well before they get together and that happens in this one.

ours by phileatos

this one everythings the same but baz has extremely bad internalized homophobia. i havent seen any other fics that arent aus explore this concept and i wish more people wrote it its an interesting take. baz honestly reminds me of mike in this fic.

the truth will set you free by sorbriqette

another classic fucked up spell trope. baz is spelled to tell the truth if hes hiding something he wants to tell someone so naturally he avoids everyone at all costs for weeks

i could recommend so much more honestly there are so many talented writers in this fandom. about the second and third books, im glad you loved them but i honestly will probably never read them for the same reason as me not finishing philaetos’ fics. im here for the slow burn i really dont care about established relationship that much when it comes to enemies to lovers (friends to lovers i eat it up but enemies i just love the angst). and i know they break up in the second book and i just KNOW id put the book down the second they do and never pick it up again even tho i know they get back together eventually. i just think carry on was perfect and i dont want anything to risk ruining it.

[gently-folded-paper-cranes]

unpopular opinion (i doubt) but books nowadays have too much smut in them. YA books have smut and for what. your audience are usually minors bro. and its so weird for an adult to write smut especially if it involved underage kids. sure smut’s fine to read but there are genuinely shitty, 2013 wattpad level books being published and eaten up by people solely for how dirty they are and i hate it eh. and i say wattpad not to discredit wattpad writings, dont get me wrong ive read brilliant works there, but what im trying to say is its just smut and no plot like if u want that, go watch porn for real. the book industry is becoming so oversaturated with smut books and its so fucking annoying

and like because of this, i genuinely feel people think romance cannot exist without sex being a part of it and its so wtf i think thats what i hate the most. like i asked someone for a book recommendation and bro gave me spanish live deception and said it was peak literature. bro peak what????? nothing about it was peak. in fact, the only thing peak about it was me wanting to throw it off a mountain peak and never see it again like?????? love can of course involve sexual attraction, i wont ever say otherwise BUT to indicate the ideal that love cannot exist without sexual attraction is a pain in the ass

[scentedchildnacho]

I am alright....i tried to pick a sleeping spot as homeless recommended it....there are over populations of males here and women have to learn immigration about split personality like a lot of light to be allowed color and appearance changes or male homosexual problems stalk everything single women do

Many single women have to learn police about protective custody or male homosexual neo Nazi problems stalk everything I do

Calling it split personality is maybe kind of overly moral but what is many languages for a single person someone that never learned slowly to trully connect with and love their origin

So I woke up at like three in the morning having to go to the bathroom really bad but I only drank around 32 ounces of water yesterday but I felt like I had been dosed with a diuretic

So I found out it's a place people pick up homosexual males for sex services apparently and if your around them they try to force public exposure

If your in that area weirdos call them so they will make you pee on someone that tries to mate at you

Compass stations claimed they were mentals but this tattoo intake chick had a sarcoma on her jaw till I almost yelled at her for being so stupid with body product

Stop putting the tattoo lotion care on your body you look like an aids tumor

Dugas.....you people never stop begging whites for money and turning financialism into an eve ill get away from me or white people will kill you

I dont know i have to love what my mother gave me and believe fixed astrological signs can like model types and not do things for myself but you all can mutilate your skin and get aids?

My lotion from compass station of course has paraffin....

So I won't be able to stay in escondido because if you won't have babies and get married they stalk women with men also....and if I ever again have to have gender theory so pro male affluance i would have to kill a single occupant vehicle

I had to have severe stomach cramps then sit in an adult diaper till if I have to see any worthless reefer thief that truly has no purpose for being around but trying to get a handicap I would have to do what they expect of young male homosexuals which is kill it

These old felons reefers are promised revenge housing and if I can't have family housing taxation I would have to finally help kill one instead of dump it into my hatred to see if it can survive it

All those families in India will they will be a royal democracy and have little millionaire lives

Anyway this Irish little lady in Alaska told me her man with her was a nomad so she here cannot have over a twelve inch waist

Run away from Escondido or no Irish will put ya in a Sylvia plath ward

They hate Irish people here

Its a male pick up spot and you have to endure pre emptive jail conditions or areas in any way naturally pleasant for men and Tarzan will club Jane and drag her away

Thats me about men they go through superiority testing compared to women and still stalk into schools when they aren't targeted as a race minority

Al jazeera and Arab news said Biden gave money to Israel so it appears to be Israelis......that feel they have a metanoia pharmaceutical market here

I don't understand any of it it appears a time warp to me I don't know any woman physically capable of five children that many births is a very rude expectation and one has to look at people like their a dictator advocate for expecting endurance

Margaret Mead and the great dust bowl...each generation smaller and fairer so michael ondaatje anje was a big boned woman and people almost thought she was a transexual.....

Vermin...it can be health food but if people can use financialism to horde things till their unsanitary they do so who is the surveyor

Nina carnell is a German artist that will play fair evil she enjoys experimenting on invertebrates and collecting erosion so trust me health food can really hurt you

I am okay people prayed more that I had more decent women acquaintances so I would prefer having slept better and moving on but people pray for more open protest of buy it now

The women mostly apologize to me that they feel like they steal from me they do have advanced physical needs and special cultures and shouldn't have to be here

It's been my experience that the physical handicaps are still owned by people who created their handicap so I would have to suggest places that the owners are like people who did it to them

My owner will keep moving me around until I'm also physically handicapped....I just view it as at least now I don't have to be a surgical...and do what I can before

I liked watching al jazeera people use to stalk me with hope that life would be normal again and now I don't ever have to believe that things will get better

Sure I would join the world food company though netanyahu will kill it....there is a high chance of unintentional casualty everywhere you go.....they believe that quitting addiction is a pain that truly enlightens them so it's by the minute some type of suicide bomb comes around

Its California and everyone has been hit by a drunk driver

I assured her I would be leaving....the shelters keep stalking me with coed policy and if staff in there is trained for a maximum security male jail I would rather smell bad then endure mens capability

They file you a male in Holocaust documents and will treat you like a piece of meat and I'm 43 I'm too old and weak to forgive systems for male only thinking

If even one man is around it will reek of feced viral conditions and they will vaccine is all health care is and steal all your gear

Its truly wrong to vaccine women women truly do sacrifice their income and military pension so children survive

[danakin-skywalker]

ho ho heyyyyyy <3

itsa me, santa!! here on this awesome (joshua michael) monday, december 6th.

about your last answer... i completely understand because im the exact same way!! i havent read a real, new book in quite some time - mostly fanfic and random amazon uhhhhhh spicy novels/series. anything i have read recently has just been me rereading those same classics - twilight, the selection series, pjo/hoo, ya know... or some of my other older favs.

i dont really have any new, fancy, and/or fun book recs :(((( buttttt out of my fav comfort books i highly recommend “between shades of gray” & “out of the easy” by ruta sepetys if you havent read them!! theyre historical fiction. any of huntley fitzpatrick’s books are good, theyre a little fluffy but have 10x the depth any sarah dessen book could ever have. and “eleanor & park” makes me cry every time!! ooo and the “american royals” series (current duology but i think getting a third?) is soooo good, multiple perspectives and all are really well characterized. theyre all ya lit but honestly just so good, fairly easy to read but still well written and make you actually want to keep reading.

anywayssssss enough about my fav books i want to hear about you!!! and since i know im later than usual sending my message - (im so sorry pls forgive me, i didnt forget u i promise, it just got a little busy up here in the north pole) - im just gonna throw some easy(ish) questions at ya...

questions of the day:

1. why are you in dannys lane? and what do you love about him?

2. what trope(s) is your favorite to write in fanfiction for you? and why?

i hope your day has been very holly jolly!!! 🎄 and as always... remember santa loves u<3

🎅🏼

#26

(also santa belongs to a sarah dessen hate club... im so sorry but its the truth😞. and major apologies none of my suggestions are fantasy😩)

Good morning Secret Santa!! Unfortunately I wasn’t having the best night last night and I fell asleep before I saw your notification but that’s okay!! I’m already having a better morning answering these questions, so let me be the first to say happy (Jacob Thomas) Tuesday to you!!

Honestly it was really affirming to see that you too have slowed down on the physical books in recent years. I get a lot of flack from my older brother, who is very much still a book boy, for not being “into actual reading anymore.” I’m definitely going to look into your suggestions though- I love historical fiction, my senior thesis screenplay was a historical fiction!!

Well let’s get into this because quite honestly, Santa, I could talk your ear off all morning about both Danny and fanfic tropes.

I don’t know what it is about him. I’d liken it to the way I feel about cats vs. dogs, the way I feel about him vs. the Kiszkas. Don’t get me wrong, I love dogs. If I see a dog on the street I will 9/10 times point it out. Dogs make me very happy and sometimes a cute enough dog will come around to get me really excited. But when I see a cat— any cat— my heart just melts into a puddle. I literally have, like, tunnel vision focus on that cat until it leaves the vicinity because I immediately love it and want to give it affection. Basically my heart could burst when I see any given cat ever. Yes, this makes living in a city quite the emotional rollercoaster.

But that’s the only thing I can relate how I feel about Danny to, it’s just different from the others. I’ve always been one to root for the underdog of sorts- I never have a favorite of anything who’s the expected answer (main character/protagonist, frontman, etc). I want that guy in the back who isn’t getting the love and attention he deserves. Like, across the board, every fanbase I’ve been in this has been the commonality for me. There’s something about his kind and gentle nature combined with his sense of humor that peeks out every so often and his insane talent and physical appearance that just absolutely takes my breath away every time. Plus, the fact that he’s managed to find and maintain a loving stable relationship (with THAT lifestyle) like he’s found with Mackenzi only makes me love him more, she seems like an absolute sweetheart and I couldn’t be happier that he has found love like that for himself. I can only hope I will one day; find the Danny to my Kenzi.

I’ve been reading fanfiction for a while, majority of my teenage years really, so I definitely do have some favorite tropes. I feel like this can be a very revealing question to ask, at least for me, because I always thought that the kind of fanfiction you seek out can serve as a reflection for what you want, what’s missing in your life. Starting more broadly, I’d say my favorite to write is a good friends-to-lovers. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind pre-established relationship fics, but there’s something that gets me a little more excited when I realize there’s going to be an admission of feelings by the end of the story. In a way, it’s probably because I’ve always wanted that for myself. In that same vein, I also get really excited (in a very confusing way as a feminist) to see fics with any sort of variation on the “damsel in distress” plot line. I love the idea of being rescued, saved from my dire situation by a knight in shining armor. Very classic, very cheesy, I know.

I also sometimes like fics with danger in general- somebody gets hurt on accident, or on purpose. Or even non-physical danger, like when the relationship is forbidden (but not in a im-cheating-on-my-partner-with-you way, I’m not down w that). I want the stakes to be high, ya know? I’ve never been super into writing the more slice-of-life fics, I need that plot structure. Finally, to get more specific, I’m an absolute sucker for a soulmates!AU, or anything with a supernatural element. Like I mentioned before, my reading foundation before I found fanfiction was fantasy novels, so whenever I find a fic that marries both I get extra excited (like how excited I get when I get a Lost Boys notification from @tlexx). The real perfect marriage was the couple years when I was writing and reading fanfiction for Teen Wolf around like 2014. That was really interesting because the stakes could literally be life or death and you didn’t have to write a ton of prior circumstance to get there, it’s just part of the show.

Thank you again for these questions, I don’t really share this hobby of mine with a lot of people irl so I don’t really get asked about things like this but both are things I spend time considering! I’ve been really looking forward to getting your messages this past week, so thank you Santa❣️

also omg I completely forgot about the selection series I absolutely read those too

[zuffer-weird-girl]

I am soft for kid Kai and Pops interactions. Could you please try writing pops and reader taking care of a sick Kai as a kid. I wonder if he would be the same difficult patient as you have written him as an adult. I enjoy your writing and would love seeing your take on it.

"I hate this. It feels like death." Just at the end of the sentence, the boy had a coughing fit as the elder sighed out loud at his stubbornness, wringing the towel wet with icy water before placing it on the sick boy's forehead.

"Stop being overdramatic Chisaki. Is just a flu. Nothing to mourn over." The boy growled back at the elder before he pulled the covers up with the best force he could manage it.

... until he sneezed and overhauled the blanket to mere pieces.

"Well, at least is only the third one until now..." the old man chuckled before frowning at how abruptly Chisaki was trembling... poor thing.

"I wanna die..." the boy mumbled as he again come up with a new blanket as Popps chuckled.

"What happened to the prideful future leader of the yakusa?" He chuckled at the glare Kai gave to him "Will you at least collaborate on getting better?"

"Just make this go away for once."

Pops only shook his head and grabbed the bottle the doctor recommended to give to Kai and one spoon before poking shaking his shoulder.

"Cmon. Sit up boy, let's end this." Just when his golden fuccy eyes locked with the bottle he inky narrowed his gaze at the elder and turned his head away from him.

"You're kidding me arent you kid?" Pops arched one eyebrow. Kai only mumbled something incoherent as Pops's one vein appeared.

"Take. This. Medicine. Chisaki Kai."

"Try me."

Pops chuckled at the audacity of this kid before calling one of his subbordinates.

"Bring Chisaki's little friend that I guess it will ease down him just a bit while I stay."

"Yes sir." And with that the man walked out of the room and closing the door. Pops only gave the boy a look as Chisaki only glared back.

"You will take this boy."

"Heck no."

.

.

.

"Thank you so much Yukuchi-san!" You bowed to the man as he left you to enter the room... widening your eyes at the scene as Pops had one of his hands on Chisaki's chin to force open as Kai gritted anos teeth together and holded the man's hand with the spoon far away from him, miraculously not spilling the green liquid on it.

"Uh... What's happening?" You asked as both looked at you, Pops with a relieved look and Chisaki with wide eyes.

Just when he opened his mouth to say your name, Pops chugged the spoon on his mouth.

You flinched at the shout Chisaki gave the elder as soon as he manage to swallow but soon he put his hand on his mouth as if he wanted to puke.

"Dont you dare puke this after all the work I had to do.."

"tHAT'S BECAUSE THIS SHIT IS DISGUSTING!" the kid almost puked again at the end and he sighed before looking at you with grateful and welcoming grey eyes

"Hello (Y/n)-chan. I apologize that you couldn't see Chisaki those days but as you can see-"

Chisaki brutal series of sneezes broke the elder's talking and as soon as he finished Kai had the most tired out look and plopped back down, lying on his bed miserably.

"He is incredible sick and wont follow his dad's orders no manner how much I try to. You know how prideful he cam be." You giggled at the funny look that Pops before Kai groaned.

"I'm sick yet not dead old geezer."

"See." Pops showed his hand at the sick kid "He becomes so grumpy that even I cant handle it sometimes... " he sighed before crouchind down to whisper to you "Care to give him some company as I go make sure my subbordinates did already the dinner? You can be his nurse and besides, my boy holds a soft spot only for you."

"Really?!" You whispered in exciment as Pops nodded and chuckled, patting your head while getting up as Chisaki chuffed... coughing later.

"I will be back soon. Obey to (Y/n) Chisaki."

"You're kidding?" He muttered before sighing when the elder closed the door. Closing his eyes a bit and when opening them again when he heard you walking towards his bed and sitting next to his body.

"How you're feeling?" You asked and Chisaki glassy and gold eyes locked with yours as if you were the most stupid creature in the world.

"What do you-" he coughed on his hand "Think?"

"Not good." You giggled "Sorry."

He stayed quiet before looking away from you. Praying mentally that the blush on his pale cheeks on his fever.

He stiffed when you took off the towel off from his forehead, he jolted away from your touch as you widened your eyes at his distressed state.

"Sorry Kai..." you mumbled as he went to scold you to touch him before another coughing fit hitted.

You hesitantly rubbed his back while he coughed as he looked at you with teary eyes later.

"What are you-" he coughed "-doing? You're going to get sick you idiot." You smiled at him and simply and gently brushed his bangs out of his wet forehead.

"Well, I can deal with it later. After all my mom said I have a good immune system! Different from yours!"

"Take that back before I-" he sneezed so violently that some snot come out of his nose. His face went white in horror at the snot it dropped on his hand... hives immediately started to appear on his face and arms. He started to pant before feeling your hand on his shoulder and offering him a napkin.

"Its okay..." you cooed and he hesitantly grabbed the napkin and started to rub on his hand and under his nose.

"My head..." he groaned after cleaning the snot out, clenching on both sides of his head, tears started to form before he felt warm... arms around him as his head was met with the crook of your neck.

"My parents usually hug me when I feel distress... sorry if it bothers you, but it helps sometimes being held." You mumbled.

His heart skipped one beat on his chest... how warm and invinting you were. Heavens forbid that you found out how many times his mind was invaded by thoughts of you. Your laugh, your smile... hell, your touch. He despised touch, but yours... just seemed so... heavenly. A blessing.

And... oh god he was falling. He fell on your lap. And your giggles didn't helped his embarrassment either but he was so weak and tired that he simply allowed your fingers on his scalp to ease him to a slumber.

"Dont think this will be a constant thing..." he mumbled as his eyes though to stay awake.

"You're such a baby when you're sick Kai." You giggled as he grumbled and prefered to bury his face on your tummy.

.

.

.

He awoke to the sound of the door clicking open and he quickly shot up from your lap as the elder brought some food.

"I see you got some rest finally boy." He put the tray on the bed as he sniffled. The effect of the medicine finally kicking despite him taking a nap.

"I know you dont hold a liking on soups but is the best way to sooth a sore throat." He ruffle Chisaki's hair as he only could grumble a thanks.

"Thanks for coming today (Y/n)-chan. I think your parents must be worried now, I will call a subbordinate of mine to carry you home and-"

"NO!" He shouted, only feeling mortified at the shock look Pops and you gave to him.

Well, screw his youthful pride.

"Chisaki, (Y/n) has to-"

"N-not yet. Is... early... and I can't.." he tried to form words before you laughed, causing his cheeks to turn vermillion red.

"Can I call my parents to stay a bit longer Pops?" You smiled up at the elder as he looked at the embarrassed boy and chuckled.

"Well, I dont why not."

The boy felt a tingle of relief and happines growing on his chest as you crawled back on bed on his side.

"You want feeding too?" You giggled as he immediatly snatched the spoon and glared at you.

"Dont push your luck." He went to take the soup and flinched at how hot it was, which left Pops with a unused look.

"Next time blow it kid."

.

.

.

He felt he could even do a backflip on the other day.

When he got out of his room, Chisaki got called by Pops when he was almost on his way out to school.

"Hey brat. Looking better I see. You needed a special medicine so eh?" The man chuckled at how red Chisaki got before tsking and rolling his eyes, his grip tightening on his backpack

"Hate to tell ya kid, but just preventing you throw a fit in your school, (Y/n)-chan wont be attending today."

".. care to explain?" The boy tried to contain his shock and worry as Pops sighed and turned off the phone.

"Got the flu."

This fucking idiot-

.

.

.

You coughed before sneezing on a napkin and throing on the trash along with many others.

Suddenly your door burst open as you gasped at Chisaki abruptly throwing some bags of medices and other things you didn't know yet.

"K-Kai what the-"

"I told you were getting sick." He spoke under his mask while putting on gloves and grabbing one chair and sitting near your bed. Arms crossed and a look that send you shivers "Good imune system huh?"

"Hey at least you look better!" You exclaimed before sneezing on the napkin you grabbed quickly.

You saw through blurry vision the way he furrowed his eyebrows and picking a bag and putting on your lap, evicting eye contact as always.

You giggled and opened only to gasp at seing your favorite dessert there.

"Kai... you didn't had to." You spoke as Kai only shrugged and sitted back on the chair.

"Better be grateful for it you brat."

"We have the same age or close to Kai..." you deadpanned as he only glared back at you more.

"Eat."

You only lifted up your hands in surrender until his phone started to buzz on his pocket... picking up and answering the call he had to get his phone away from his ear from the yelling.

"CHISAKI KAI DID YOU DITCH CLASSES-?!"

[gale-gentlepenguin]

Gale Reacts: Masters of the Universe: Revelation episode 5

Spoilers below

TL:DR I was not crazy about it and if you did enjoy episode 5 and like the series. I recommend skipping this reaction/review

-So they host a little funeral for Orko. Yep, gotta milk all you can out of the character ya set up to die since his introduction. Well they gave Orko more respect than He-man. Good on Adam for being a decent human being. (I will stop being cynical about this)

-Well Preternia is cool.

-Moss man is the forest.

-Adam had the sword and he is like

-"Welp you are all stuck in heaven now."

-Andra is adorable. (Also side note. I havent really seen Andra and Teela be couple like since episode 2. Like where is the couple stuff? Evil-lyn and Teela have had more dialouge together?)

-Adam and Teela being awkward which understandable.

-And Teela is still salty. At least its fleshed out a bit more. But you would think she would be OVER this by now.

-King of Grayskull? Oh this will be cool.

-Hoverboards in Heaven!

-The tower looks cool.

-Hero is his name?

-Hero is shook by the split the sword.

-Andra making a forge.

-They competitive friends in the hunt!

-Well this is somewhat cute.

-OH S***! KING GRAYSKULL LOOKS EPIC! HE RIDES A TRICERATOPS!

-Adam chose that form? Like he could have taken his He-man form? But chose that one? Okay I am genuinely curious.

-King was the first Castle Grayskull champion. Wow okay. And the guy is now talking smack about the castle.

-I like feral sorcerer lady.

-So they made a heaven forge.

-the last bit of magic!

-Roboto is like "Yea I am not sure at all but I am gonna try." He is going to die too.

-So Teela and Adam moment.

-Adam has a point. He was dead. Not like he was like "Lol i am gonna die and make you feel bad" He was saving the Universe!

-Adam is totally gonna go back because he has unfinished business.

-Adam might not get back to paradise if he goes back.

-Mossman is a million years old. Lol

-Roboto is doing it.

-The forge scene is epic.

-Roboto gonna die.

-He did it though... and it blew up in his face.

-The sword is forged tho.

-But now Roboto is dead. And he made a roboto is afraid to die.

-Wow that is f***Ed up.

-Rip Roboto

-Adam wants to go back. Okay so now we will have Adam/He-man be a more prominent part of the show now. It took some time, but hey at least he is back now.

-Adam he is owning it up to it.

-Adam be a real one.

-What the s*** he almost died right after getting back. Okay so is that the fake out.

-And tech cultists.

-Welp Man-at-arms is here to defend. LOL

-Adam reveals he is back.

-Cringer missed him. (This was cute)

-So now they back to where he died. He about to do what they need to do.

-He be calling back the magic. Now it starting to feel like He-man again

-Sorceress is BACK BABY!

-And Grayskull looks good again.

-And... Adam got F***ING STABBED. Did, did they REALLY JUST KILL HIM TWICE?! I had this feeling like they were saying "You cant come back if you die again" But I thought no There is no way they would be stupid enough to kill him TWICE.

-So Skeletor survived by putting his essence into the staff Evil-lyn had and if she had left it all of this could have been avoided

-Evil lyn is back to being bad. Because Skeletor just came back. So much for all that development Lyn.

-Skeletor just called on the power of GREYSKULL. So can anyone do that?! Does this mean Skeletor can go to Preternia?

-Skeletor's form is... well it is something. I mean its cool. But... I dont really feel like its earned. Like I wish we had some foreshadowing or something. Like he is just like "BTW I was here the whole time just in case." Now if Adam was like pushed aside or like knocked back and Skelator took it so he could show off, that would be more He-Man like. Cause then you get the moral on WHY Adam chose this form in Preternia.

-Also Skeletor getting the power sword SHOULD be a much bigger and much more earned moment. This scene should have been like the penultimate episode before the final battle. Also him Stabbing He-man/Adam would have had way more impact if this was the first time they pulled this.

-But in all seriousness. Did they REALLY JUST KILL ADAM AGAIN!?

-They took all of that development and just... KILLED HIM AGAIN.

-Side note: if ANYONE could use the power, Why not just have he-man pass the torch to Andra or Teela. Because now Adam cant even chill in heaven. He is just a dying little flea who basically got set up to DIE AGAIN. Like the writers clearly do not like Adam.

-How am I suppose to be excited? Lol Skelator is back sure but he just killed He-man. Are they gonna do a fake out death? Have him Die but then get revived by the sorceress? Regardless its in bad fucking taste.

____________________________________________________________

2.5/10

Look, Skeletor's comeback was cool and all (He and the designs of King Greyskull are the reasons this isnt a 1 out of 10). But WOW they really did Adam dirty. I was expecting He-man in a show that is named after half his old show. Even the earlier trailers showed a bunch of him... but he only shows up in flashbacks after episode 1.

If Adam doesnt die, he will likely get heal in the nick of time and and die again later anyway. Considering how predictable the show is I can already predict that they will beat skeletor. Teela's Power that was hinted at in episode 4 will make her the new Sorceress and Andra will be revealed to be a descendant of King Greyskull thus making her the TRUE heir to Castle Greyskull an have her be the new champion or reverse of that where Teela is the new champion and Andra is the sorceress. If Adam does survive he will just be Adam at the end of the series and not He-man because whatever reason about him not actually feeling like He-man was him. But my bet is that they kill him again if he isnt already dead.

Which means that He-man just becomes She-ra. But there is already a She-Ra and it actually has She-Ra in the title. And that She-Ra actually has better writing in it because it actually cares.

Because lets face it this show was not about he-man. It was about Teela.

I know its called Masters of the Universe Revelation. But they should have called it Teela: and Everyone else dies.

But I seriously have to ask. WHO IS THIS FOR?

Its not for die hard He-Man fans because it kills off or changes all the characters they know.

It isnt for new fans because most of them would have no idea who any of these characters are. The show expects you to know them already.

It isnt for Feminists. Teela's characterization is a bad stereotype of written 'strong woman'. I made a comment that it was basically a 'Guy that tried to write a Strong woman character' but it is STUPIDLY ACCURATE at this point.

She-Ra: Princess of Power 2018 already exists and does it better.

If I had to make a bet. It feels like the writers were targeting the demographic that watched He-man and hated it, then writing a Salt fic about the characters after turning one of them into a self insert.

I hate that the writing sucks, because the animation is gorgeous, there are somethings that are really cool. In fact when they show off the ideas from the original He-Man, it looks amazing. Those flashbacks? They are the best parts of each episode.

Now I am no die hard fanboy for he-man. But I did like the 2002 show. I am actually chill with some of the changes made. Not all of them, but some. But I hate lazy and manipulative writing. Writing in a show purely for shock value.

The trailers they put out for this show were manipulative. Showing much more He-man then there was.

I wasnt expecting god tier level writing for this. This was based on a 1980's show. It didnt need amazing writing, it just needed to be good enough and show it cares about its fans. But it didnt.

Lets say we removed He-man from the equation entirely. make this its own thing. Change the names, alter a few appearances. Would that have changed my opinion.

It would make me less mad, but I would also still call it a bad show because the writing is generic at best. Its hackneyed and the characters with any appeal get killed off.

How am I supposed to be excited for this?

Do you know how angry this makes me. I WANTED to be hyped as hell for the fact that Skeletor has the power of Greyskull and is getting ready to be this super big bad for the end of the season. But I am not.

I just feel annoyed and disinterested.

Will I watch the other episodes if they get released?

I dont think I have the stomach for it. They would need to do a LOT to make me want to watch the other half.

[s-n-a-k-e-p-i-t]

So I finished the Grisha trilogy

In anticipation for the upcoming Netflix series combining Shadow and Bone and Six of Crows, I decided to give the universe a try. I have been recommended Shadow and Bone over and over for YEARS after seeking similar books to the Shatter Me series by (the literal loml, seriously this book changed my life)  Tahereh Mafi--if you haven’t read it, please go rent/buy the first book and ENJOY--but anywho... I was recommended this series because I google searched “books with boys like Warner” because

SPOILERS BELOW for Shatter Me, Shadow and Bone, Storm and Siege, Rise and Ruin:

I love Warner and who doesn’t like a dick ish male character that the female protagonist hates and soon we learn of their tragic backstory and slowly grow to love through a story of redemption (friendly reminder, I am now a dramione person, I wish I could be surprised) 

So ANYWAY. Started the first book. I feel like the characters are kinda lacking in it. I don’t really care for anyone and I don’t feel like there’s enough Alina introduction to make her a compelling character. The first book also felt like a lot of traveling with very little plot... very Deathly Hallows--but it was the first book of the series. I’m considering the fact that I read the trilogy as one big book on my kindle adding to the fact it felt like nothing happened, because when I finished book 1 I was only 30% of the way through it, but still it’s very difficult for me to recall specific events as nothing really felt climatic at the end of the first story. 

The SECOND book however, saved my Tolya, Tamar, and the now second loml Nikolai was significantly better. This was also the book I confirmed I hated Mal. Maybe I hate that he had ignored Alina forever and was pining and he literally didn’t think twice about her and then suddenly because she was interested in someone else he was like WELL WHAT ABOUT ME. Idk. Not my cup of tea. Also let my track record show that I never like the childhood best friend to lovers character (except for Gale in hunger games, unpopular opinion go ahead sue me) But anyway I could see her with Nikolai WAY MORE than Mal. I was honestly surprised that wasn’t explored more. 

And shocking to me, and I’m sure everyone who knows me, I LOVED the third book the most which is never the case, I always hate the conclusion books-often they’re rushed, super anticlimactic, or just messy in general. I felt the pacing finally hit its mark, the story was intriguing, we were done hunting finally and it was all coming to the build up face off. This was where I started reading faster. Mal being the third amplifier, I literally tweeted “MAL IS THE WHAT” on my 1d/5sos twitter and everyone was like Emily wtf are you talking about and had a solid breakdown about it. I also started to like him more after the White Cathedral stuff went down, but still the idea that she had to kill him to get his power didn’t make me upset. My head went: great she can do that and be consoled by the ever amazing Nikolai for the rest of time, PERFECT. The near cousin thing w the Darkling though? I was like PLEASE DONT JACE/CLARY ME PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE. But despite my distrust and dislike of Mal, I thought the ending was super strong and I did actually like it, it felt realistic that she lost everything but him essentially. 

I was on my way to read Six of Crows after this series, so I could be up to date with the show, but my friend recently recommended The Cruel Prince and I read 75% of the book last night. I couldn’t put it down, so Six of Crows- though I’ve heard even better things about it- will have to wait a little longer.

Now back to why I was referred this book. Was the Darkling like Warner? If you need something like the Shatter Me series would this be a good fit for you? I don’t think so. I don’t think you go deep enough into the Darkling in his own words to make them comparable and I don’t think there’s enough self reflection either. I got a very stand offish vibe from the Darkling and while ya Warner isn’t the golden child for spilling feelings, I feel like he is more human and simply tortured by his past than the Darkling. So this one unfortunately did not fill the Shatter Me hole in my heart. And I am sad, but I will keep searching.  

[nxsmss]

movies I watched in March

I made some changes about how I will post these. first of all, I won't be adding the cast and plot because I'm too lazy, sorry. second, I added if I would watch the movie again, and lastly I'm gonna post my reviews every week because doing it monthly makes the list too long imo

wonder woman

finding ohana

the lost city of z

promising young woman

the last sharknado: it's about time

secret society of second born royals

sentinelle

captain america civil war

doctor strange

guardians of the galaxy vol. 2

deadpool

instant family

spiderman homecoming

deadpool 2

rock it

groupies bleiben nicht zum frühstück

yes day

the amazing spiderman

mulan (2020)

happy death day 2U

contagion

jumanji

thor ragnarok

guns akimbo

black panther

infinity war

1. wonder woman

okay, first of all it's an amazing movie there's no doubt in that but there are just two tiny things that are bugging me and maybe it's just because it's a DC movie and my dad basically punched it into me to be a marvel fan since I was 10. so, i did not like those shots were the characters were either falling because of a punch or jumping several hundred meters. it just looks weird and unnatural in my opinion. and the other thing... could they give her any less clothing?!?! I know it's very comic accurate but c'mon

7.5/10

would I watch it again? probably ya

2. finding ohana

this was such a cute fun little movie. i really enjoyed. it's kinda like 'journey to the center of earth' just made for today's generation and it made me feel a little nostalgic. I fuxking loved ioane's throwing up noises

8/10

would I watch it again? hm I'm gonna go with yes

3. the lost city of z

its a good movie, i can't deny that and I should definitely give it a higher rating but I thought it was like this exciting adventure movie, which it wasn't, it is based on real events and I didn't know that starting this movie. what didnt help, was that I was really tired when I watched it. I fell asleep for a bit and even my dad fell asleep, which kinda says a lot cause he never falls asleep during a movie (only if it's really late, which it wasn't. we finished it before 11)

I have to admit I think my rating would be a lot higher if I went into this movie with a different mindset!! I feel sorry only giving it 4 stars :(

4/10

would I watch it again? yes when I'm in the right mood

4. promising young woman

oh I liked this, I really did and I can recommend watching this. I did like the end, not cassie's end tho, but u like that they all kind got what they deserve. (little spoiler I was really rooting for ryan and him turning out to be an ass kinda crushed me a little)

8/10

would I watch it again? hm not sure

5. the last sharknado: it's about time

my friends hate me for watching all of these movies and tbh I hate myself too for doing so🤦🏻‍♀️ they are all so terrible!! and I have no idea if they do that on purpose or not, I really hope so. it's just so fucking bad that it's funny again. the plot is just stupid and we do not talk about the special effects. I cant really give a serious rating to this movie because it would have to be like a 0. but I feel like I cant rate it like that because I still fuckifn enjoyed watching it haha

I fucking lost it when fin pulled the sword out of the stone and it was a chainsaw

would I watch it again? yes and I hate myself for this answer

6. secret society of second born royals

fun little family movie, makes me wish I was a second born haha. it's good, there was a very very unexpected twist in this movie that neither me or my family saw coming. I just think it wasn't exactly my type

4/10

would I watch it again? nah

7. sentinelle

yea um.. it's a no from me. it was kinda really boring and it felt like there wasn't happening anything. it was supposed to be an action movie but there was hardly any action in it

2/10

would I watch it again? no

8. captain america civil war

another one of my favorite marvel movies

10/10

would I watch it again? yes

9. doctor strange

dont know what to say hahaha but if i could be a character in the mcu i would very much like it if i was a sorceress

9/10

would I watch it again? yes

10. guardians of the galaxy vol. 2

I think this is in general one of the least favourite movies in the fandom but I like it a lot. think i actually like it more that the first one and I love that we saw more of yondu in this, I really like his "powers" and the end was really sad.

8.5/10

would I watch it again? yes

11. deadpool + 14. deadpool 2

love love love the deadpool movies!!! can only recommend them. I like the second a bit more tho. what I was disappointed in, before it was released they made such a big deal about the rating saying "oh its gonna be so brutal and blah blah blah" and then, both of the movies are rated age 16+. I remember, for the first one I was so excited and then i watched it and i was like "well.. that wasn't exactly how I thought it was gonna be but okay

8/10

8.5/10

would I watch it again? yup

12. instant family

this is one of my absolute favorite movies ever. god I love it so much and the end always makes me cry (not in a sad way)

10/10 definitely

would I watch it again? YES

13. spiderman homecoming

I dont know what it is with me and this movie but I just dont really like it. I cant explain it. I'm also not the biggest mcu spiderman fan (sorry, please dont hate on me)

5/10

would I watch it again? yes if I'm doing a mcu rewatch but I don't think I would ever pick homecoming to watch when I'm bored

15. rock it

this has to be one of my favourite childhood movies (I dont even knowing I can say childhood, I was like 10 when it came out haha) I feel so sorry for all you non german speakers that cant enjoy this movie as much as i/we do. god I love it so much😂 and why the fuck isn't the soundtrack on spotify, I hate it

if you're german and you didn't watch this movie as a child I am very sorry for you.

I can already see myself watching "groupies bleiben nicht zum frühstück" sometime soon🤦🏻‍♀️

10/10 (god I had to) actually no 9/10 because of the ending. I'd liked it more if they would have kicked her out of the school and they got the band back together

would I watch it again? duh

16. groupies bleiben nicht zum frühstück

yup, I watched it. and I dont like it that I did because my aggression level was already high when I started and this movie did not help with it. the main actress is just no. I'm not sure if it's her or the character but I absolutely do not like her performance in this. argh it makes me want to break something. the songs slap tho!!

this movie is just straight up 1D fanfiction from 2013

4/10 but the songs are definitely 10/10 (they definitely got inspired by green day)

would I watch it again? ugh I hope not.

17. yes day

oh I loved this movie!! fun little family movie. it only has 5.7 stars on IMDb which i totally dont get, should be higher imo. loved seeing edgar ramirez in something other than an action/thriller kinda movie.

9/10

would I watch it again? yes but I don't think anytime soon

18. the amazing spiderman

aahh the feelings I got watching this movie. like I was 12 again... I love it and this movie. andrew garfield is my favorite spiderman and no one can change my mind.

9/10

would I watch it again? yup

19. mulan (2020)

I liked it. I don't know/remember the original disney movie so maybe that's why I like it. to me it feels like they got inspired by the original movie and made a version for (young) adults. it definitely didn't feel like a kids movie

5/10

would I watch it again? I think so yea

20. happy death day 2u

naahh I didnt like this one. the first one was good (I think, I dont remember) but this one was really boring. if it wasn't for my dad I would've stopped the movie half way through

1/10

would I watch it again? no.

21. contagion

it's a very good and interesting movie but tbh i was a bit bored towards the end but maybe that was just because of my mood

6/10

would I watch it again? hm, yea probably

22. jumanji

I'm not really a fan of Dwayne Johnson but I like/tolerate him in this haha. it's a fun adventure movie, I really like it, can recommend. when I watched it in theaters I didn't know nick jonas was in it and when he showed up my sister and I completely lost it

8.5/10

would I watch it again? yes

23. thor ragnarok

another one of my favorite marvel movie. I think definitely top 5. cinematography, soundtrack, jeff goldblum, everything is just 😚👌🏼 I just realised I really miss heimdall. such an underrated character and I wish he didn't die in infinity war

god the memories I get watching this movie. I think since ultron, my family and i have been to the premiere/the first screening, whatever, of every marvel movie and for some reason this was monday midnight, no idea why... but we went anyways. my mom drank 2 liters of cola, we were home again at like 3am and everyone had to get up by like 7 the next day because of school and work.

10/10

would I watch it again? hell yes haha

24. guns akimbo

wow. I gotta say I went into this with very low expectations but I was pleasantly surprised. nice fun action movie but it also made you think about some serious issues afterwards. I loved the camera work on most of the action scenes.

7.5/10

would I watch it again? yea maybe

25. black panther

it's a fucking masterpiece!!

10/10

would I watch it again? stupid question

26. infinity war

painful

10/10

would I watch it again? another stupid question

[bloopbyoop]

weep woop

ayo. ive read my scheduled email and its time for freewriting shit again. lmao. I want this post to be like a small light from a lit match stick inside a very hollow, icy, and numbing cave. (sounds cartoonish right? I know. Im obsessed with Adventure Time.) I want all people to be genuinely happy.  Spiritually, emotionally, and physically. Upon reaching my 24th anniversary in this world, I finally learned how to truly embrace all my emotions. Some are more overwhelming than the other, but we have to heed in our treacherous yet perplexing minds that everything is fleeting and we are in control. The feeling of extreme sadness fades, but so does joyful states. Everything can change in a matter of minutes or years. You are in control of all your emotions. You are in control of all your life choices. Your actions. Your words. Your perspective. It feels weird to actually write about it. I've wanted to talk about it. I never wanted help from anyone as I firmly believed that I was alone. Sure, I have a family and friends, but it is hard to see that when your head is clouded with negativity. I've even come to the point where I was too overwhelmed, I found being physically hurt less painful. The pain I felt distracted me from what I was thinking. My mind tended to go bonkers. lmao. But bro, I was so good at concealing my bonkers mind. It's easy to fake any emotion that you have. Slap anything sunshine-y or happy to anything and people would believe you. It went on for years. Long story short, thousands of bracelets collected, it became worse. The physical pain could no longer withhold the emotional pain. Couldn't sleep. Couldn't stop thinking. And voila! I found a good amount of self help books (from tumblr) and novels. Novels that brought me to different places. Self-help books that made me understand what I feel and what to do. I've read that taking the easy way out will leave everyone sad. AND IN THE FIRST PLACEEEEEE, I NEVER WANT THATTTTTTT. I want everyone to be happy. I would act foolish and do dumb shit to make everyone happy in a heartbeat. So, that idea made me push a few more years. Later on, the crippling shit came crawling back again to my head, sooooooo I needed new shit to keep me distracted again. Films, series, music, and short clips from YouTube helped me out a lot. Every single time that my mind is going to think like anything that can think of, even to the point that I was just going to think that I might be hungry, I'd watch something. There's just something about silence for me. Because of this new habit of mine, I've learned more about myself. I love different types of things. I like horror. I like thriller. I like comedy. I like romance. I love all types of films, but there is something about the horror genre that interests me. I still can't point out what, but I love watching horror films. With regards to music, I've learned that I love Indie, Punk Rock, Rap, and Pop. We all can't like a specific genre. It's stupid to ask "what genre of music do you like?". It's not actually stupid-stupid, it's just stupid. Ya know? Anyway, passing this phase, I needed to find something again because it's not doing the shit that it was supposed to, I tried investing more time on video games. By investing more, I mean a whole shit lot. I love video games since I was young cuz.... u know.... they keep u... try to guess it! oh yeah. you got that right! distracted! I love the aggressive plays and trashtalks that my friends and I make. The short stories we tell one another. The rants. The lame jokes. The late night we sound drunk but we are not drunk jokes. The roleplays. The lame jokes. The memes. And once again, The lame jokes. Something about lame jokes and the laughs and curses after that always gets me every single time. Oh shoot. Yup Yup. Few years later, I finally noticed the pattern that my sadness is temporary. I got over it one way or the other (or another. depends on how you wanna read it. i dont wanna say another cause i might write about one direction like what im doing now so-). Happiness is temporary as well. But, we are the ones who are actually in control of our emotions. If you wanna feel sad, be sad for a while. You're getting too sad? Try hanging out with your funny friends. Can't do that? Find an alternative. Watch a movie, knit a sweater. Anything your mind could think of as long as it will keep you mentally distracted from being physically and mentally hurt. I do have a few notes though. We cannot and should never assume what people are going through. It may be petty for you, but it may be very crucial to them. So never everrrr say things like: -Some people have it worse than you -At least you have ..... These sheetsss are annoying as heckkk and could really down someone. I know it is not your intention to annoy but people react differently. alsooooooo, it is not okay or normal to hate on things for bandwagon. that is just plainly crazy and stupid. let people enjoy things. anddddddd never suppress your emotions. admit what you feel inside and try to think of a way to resolve ittttt. keeping it to yourself will just make it worseeeeee. find your own outlettttttttt. hihihi ️ alsooooo. being more spiritually full with God's words and ideas really help me to be spiritually happy. ps. im christian but i dont discredit other religion and even applaud other religion's ideas and beliefs. this is a really long, selfish post so i might as well recommend some things I like : Songs with their lyrics that made me go through life. “I’ve got soul but I’m not a soldier” -All These Things That I've Done, The Killers “It's not too late, I'm still right here” -Breaking Your Own Heart, Kelly Clarkson "And the salt in my wounds / Isn't burning any more than it used to / It's not that I don't feel the pain / It's just I'm not afraid of hurting anymore / And the blood in these veins / Isn't pumping any less than it ever has / And that's the hope I have / The only thing I know that's keeping me alive" -Last Hope, Paramore “There is not a single word in the whole world / That could describe the hurt / The dullest knife just sawing back and forth / And ripping through the softest skin there ever was / How were you to know?” -Hate to See Your Heartbreak, Paramore "It's holding on, though the road's long / And seeing light in the darkest things And when you stare at your reflection / Finally knowing who it is / I know that you'll thank God you did" -1800, Logic "Did some things you can't speak of / But at night you live it all again / You wouldn't be shattered on the floor now / If only you had seen what you know now then" -Innocent, Taylor Swift (My bb) "10 months sober, I must admit / Just because you're clean don't mean you don't miss it / 10 months older, I won't give in / Now that I'm clean I'm never gonna risk it // Rain came pouring down when I was drowning / That's when I could finally breathe / And by morning gone was any trace of you, I think I am finally clean" -Clean, Taylor Swift “I guess I always knew / That I had all the strength to make it through.” -Believe in Me, Demi Lovato "I'm addicted to the madness / I'm a daughter of the sadness / I've been here too many times before / Been abandoned and I'm scared now / I can't handle another fallout / I am fragile, just washed upon the shore / They forget me, don't see me / When they love me, they leave me" -I Hate You, Don’t Leave Me, Demi Lovato “I'm overwhelmed / I need a voice to echo / I need a light to take me home / I need a star to follow / I don't know” -Nightingale, Demi Lovato "I'm a walking travesty / But I'm smiling at everything. // Arrogant boy, Love yourself so no one has to." -Therapy, All Time Low "I tried it once before but I didn't get too far / I felt a lot of pain but it didn't stop my heart. / But maybe I'm alive 'cause I didn't really wanna die / But nothing very special ever happens in my life / Take the blade away from me I am a freak, I am afraid that / All the blood escaping me won't end the pain / And I'll be haunting all the lives that cared for me / I died to be the white ghost / Of the man that I was meant to be" -Ghost, Badflower "Are the pieces of you / In the pieces of me? / I'm just so scared / You're who I'll be / When I erupt / Just like you do / They look at me / Like I look at you" -DNA, Lia Marie Johnson Movies and series to try : -The Perks of Being a Wallflower (The book is bomb af. if yall havent tried, ur missing out) -The Kings of Summer -Never Let Me Go -The Art of Getting By -Silver Linings Playbook -Winter’s Bone -The Lovely Bones (The script. The words) -Me and Earl and the Dying Girl -American Horror Story -Black Swan

pps. remember that every one has their own pace and point of view. don’t push yourself too hard, and don’t overthink. give yourself time, and respect all your emotions. analyze them but not more than like 5 minutes as anything beyond that might cause you to overthink and be sadder. and sad is not rad. hehe. you got this. you got you. self love is the best even though it can be tricky to do. nobody else is like you. you’re the only one of you (i just remembered me.......... i might have hummed it while typing it mid sentence). consider other people’s opinion but do not let it cloud your own judgement as you know yourself best. dont let other comment’s define you. spread love. vibe people you vibe with. ayeeee lets go!!! 

ppps this is my last post bc im happier now and know myself better. i no longer limit myself on the age that I want. I want to live as long as how God wants me to be. hehe. 

x :D

[minijenn]

Hi so I'm interested in getting into the Kingdom Hearts series but I dont know which games to start, which games to avoid, and whether or not some of the games are canon or not. Could you help me please?

So the best thing you could get if you want to get into the series is this. (ignore the price tag Amazon has on it you can buy it at Walmart for like $20). It includes every game/cutscene movie in the series (except for the mobile game and the recently released Melody of Memory). Either way its the perfect collection to get you caught up to speed (I got caught up back before this complete collection existed so back then there were two collections you had to buy before they compiled them into just one lol). Either way, it includes basically every single thing you’ll need to get the (almost) complete story of KH. When it comes to what you’ll want to experience with it, here’s my take on things (in order of how you should play/watch them and what they are in that collection): 

Kingdom Hearts (full game playable in the collection): Absolutely MUST play, its a great game and its story is the most simple in the series, very fun and charming and sets up some of the major characters (namely our main Destiny Trio) very nicely. Even if its not the first timeline wise, you’ll want to start with KH1 because of how it introduces the series and its concepts and characters in the most simplistic of ways

Chain of Memories (full game playable in collection, but honestly? I recommend just watching the cutscenes online its NOT fun to play through in my opinion): Again experience the story of this one at least. Its the direct sequel to KH1 and its where things start to get... kind of confusing. To fully understand what happens in this one, you may have to revisit it more than once, I’ve watched through it twice now and I’m still fucking baffled by a lot of it tbh but it sets up 2 so for that its worthwhile I guess?

358/2 Days (Cutscene Movie in collection); So you can watch all of the cutscenes in this one on the collection in a few hours. Its a pretty touching and emotional story focused on the Sea Salt Trio though it does have some... kind of confusing tangents in it too tbh. Either way its well worth the time to look into to learn more about certain characters, as well as the inner workings of Organization XIII

Kingdom Hearts 2 (full game playable in collection): MUST play, its fantastic tbh. Its often cited as the fandom’s favorite for a reason; it builds a TON on what KH1 set up, offers some really fun Disney worlds, and its plot is absolutely fucking batshit and I love that about it. Highly recommend this one for some of the character moments in it especially there are some really funny, really touching, and really heartbreaking scenes in this one, its a wild ride

Birth By Sleep (full game playable): MUST play though its kind of not that great to play in my opinion? Then again I suck at KH games so I might not be the best to ask in that regard XD Its story is great though, focusing on the Wayfinder trio and their absolute tragic backstory. Speaking of backstories, this a prequel, set like 10 years before KH1, something important to keep in mind going into it to avoid confusion (though you do see younger versions of some characters that show up in the “present” games so I suppose that helps lol)

Re:Coded (cutscene movie): Ugh... honestly? You can skip this one, it adds fucking nothing and its boring as hell to get through. If you really wanna sit through it, feel free to but its mostly a big old confusing waste of time if you ask me, one that doesn’t really add much to the story at all. 

Union Cross/KHX/Back Cover: Ok so this is where it gets really confusing. Union Cross is the KH mobile game which I don’t recommend playing because from what I’ve heard its very grindy and basically its “pay to win”; so instead, I recommend getting caught up on this one through watching the “cutscenes” or reading through a plot synopsis online; This is another prequel, set waaaaaay before any of the other games and it has some... stuff thats significant mostly for the sake of KH3 and whatever will likely come after it more than anything else; Its story is... fine. Confusing as hell, but fine. Back Cover is a movie that’s on that collection that tells the story of the Foretellers and its boring as shit but I would recommend at least knowing what happens in it to understand the story of the first Keyblade War. 

Dream Drop Distance (full game playable): Absolutely recommend this one, its a delight to play through and has a really fun (but also hella fucking confusing) story (confusing is a word thats very often used to describe KH for a reason XD); Its set after KH2  and follows Sora and Riku and its basically building up towards KH3 and elements that show up there. Again, highly recommend this one its one of my favorites of the bunch 

Fragmentary Passage (full game playable): Though that game is only like 2 hours long. This is sort of another prequel though its also set during KH1 and you play as Aqua, who I’m in love with :) It was kind of made as a KH3 tech demo and that’s why its so short but its pretty fun and its story is compelling enough to keep you going as it continues building the way towards 3

Kingdom Hearts 3 (full game playable): Absolutely play this one; I may have my problems with its story, but its a hella fun time gameplay wise and its story has... its moments where its not fucking stupid. Though some of it is fucking stupid and I just have to deal with that :) Anyway KH3 is the conclusion of what’s called the “dark seeker” arc, which is really just the arc where we have Xehanort and the Organization as antagonists, tho knowing this hell series I’m sure they’ll all fucking come back someday :P Anyway its the culmination of a lot of things throughout the series and while some ends aren’t tied up the best, others are beautifully here. Totes recommend even if I personally have a very love/hate relationship with it ^_^ 

Re:Mind (bonus online purchase): This isn’t a game but its KH3′s DLC and it likely isn’t included in that story so far set. It basically adds more onto KH3′s ending and sets up for whatever game will come next after it (and also sets up MoM) 

Melody of Memory (not included in set): The newest game in the series and a rhythm game at that; its largely just a recap of past games and their events, but the gameplay is really fun and addictive, plus KH music slaps. It does have about 15 minutes of brand new story content tacked onto the end of it, which again, is setting up for whatever game likely comes next, but if ya wanna skip it, I wouldn’t blame you, its waaaaaaay too expensive right now, I’d honestly just wait for a price drop :P 

Dark Road: This is another mobile game and it basically tells Master Xehanort’s backstory; I personally haven’t looked into this one because I don’t give a single fuck about that asshole’s history but ya can if you want more context into his character  I guess :/

And those are all the KH games. There’s a fucking lot of them and I hate them all. I also love them all. I basically love/hate this entire hell series,, so much so that I decided to write a shitty angst fic about it (which I highly recommend if you do actually go through all of the KH games, Keys to the Kingdom is basically an AU of KH3 and also sort of a “fix it fic” of sorts XD its a good, tragic time all around XD (forgive the shameless self promotion)) Anyway, enjoy the insanity that is KH!

[pancakethepikachu]

Listen I’ve got a buddy who desperately wanted to get some real art advice that’s more than “just practice” and ya know what? I’m putting this on here to-

DISCLAIMER: This is all art advice that I’ve discovered- it helped me improve, there is no guarantee any of this will work for you so stay curious and experiment around with your own unique style!!

These are in no particular order:

1. LOOK AT OTHER ARTWORKS!! I know it’s hard to look at better art, it can be demotivating sometimes, but looking at other artworks can help you decide what features you want to incorporate into your art. For me, I often looked at Pemprika, Ask-Antarcphos, random Japanese artists, and reblogs from Houseki-no-Suffering to search for elements I wanted. You can see influences from those blogs on my work!! In fact they STILL help influence me today!

2. DO NOT TRACE!! I know it’s tempting and some people may recommend it to help study anatomy and all that, but when I say tracing hurts more than helps- I mean it. Use references and set the pictures next to your sketch as you try to draw- this will help you develop an eye for anatomy waaaaaay faster than tracing ever will.

3. FIND CERTAIN NICHES OF YOUR WORK!! Just because it’s not perfect means you’re already on the right track! I have a habit of drawing long legs and fingers and that eventually became my style- sure they’ve gotten a bit more proportionally accurate but they’re still longer than usual and that’s okay! That’s my style and I’m happy to have it!

4. FINISH THE DRAFT AT LEAST!! We all have a habit of doing one thing and then giving up- trust me I’m guilty of it too- but finishing a draft means you’ve gained experience doing something new. Yes it may look wonky and it may not be how you imagined but it’s a start and you can never run a race without starting.

5. THE PEOPLE YOU LOOK UP TO ALSO HATE THEIR OWN ART!! Creators always hate the things they create, it’s just a fact. It doesn’t matter if your art could be the most beautiful thing ever, you’ll still hate it. So instead of letting that hatred kill you, try harnessing it to find ways on improving next time. Make your greatest weakness your greatest tool so to speak.

6. DONT TAKE PART IN HOSTED EVENTS IF YOURE NOT CONFIDENT THAT YOU CAN DO ALL THE PROMPTS!! Yes drawing prompts are a fun way to test your abilities and challenge yourself, but if you can only confidently do a few out of the whole- it’s not worth it. You’ll be spending more time stressing and be anxious than actually having fun- and at that point art becomes a chore and you lose your motivation.

7. USE YOUR EMOTIONS!! Art comes out the greatest when you can harness what you’re feeling into the piece. Find a good song that makes you feel strongly in a certain way or remember a moment that triggers something visceral- let it out onto the paper freely without restrictions. Sometimes it’s the lack of form that gives art its beauty.

8. TRY ONE NEW THING AT A TIME!! I know we often get the advice to “try new things” and “get out of your comfort zone” with art. But I’m here to say that’s a terrible idea- not only are you setting yourself up to fail, but you’re overworking your brain and making art feel more like a chore. Instead of completely 180’ing your style to try and copy someone else’s- change parts of it sometimes. Maybe ink with a new brush, use a different colour, shade with hard lines rather than soft lines. Progress doesn’t come overnight.

9. IT’S OKAY TO GET CRITICISM!! Have other people look at your art that you trust and know can be truthful! Sugarcoating is a bad idea for improvement so you need to women up and accept that viewers may see things differently than you do. It’s not that your artwork is bad- far from it! It’s just that different people will see it differently- I’ve had lots of people look at the same artwork and one person may notice the eyes while the other the hair and so on- it’ll help to know what the majority of the people will notice first!

10. GET FRUSTRATED AND CRY AND GIVE UP!! Hey, let’s be real, it’s hard to improve, especially when you’re not doing so at the rate you want. Perhaps you’re not in the right moment in your life, or find that art is tougher than you thought- maybe you just can’t do it right now and need a break. Rip apart your pieces, delete those files- wipe away all trace of your artistic career- art is something that is found by the inner self. If you can’t sit there at the canvas and bleed, then you’re not trying hard enough. You’re drawing for yourself and only yourself, and if your inner self can’t handle art, then don’t force it. Wait until the time is right.

And finally, keep in mind these are all things I’ve found as a self taught hobbyist artist- I’m sure art classes are worth it. I’m not saying you should go to one or not because honestly that’s up to you-

If you wanted more technical artist tips... I can’t do that. Everyone has their own unique way of drawing- I can tell you to use a ruler or use a specific pencil- but in the end that’s creating a world where everyone drew the same. We need variety.

At this point I’m just kinda spitting bullshit so I’ll shut up and let y’all yell at me at how unuseful and pointless this all was haha

Chow!

[devil-changmin]

Alright here’s the tea about things that “make you sleep”

I’m not even putting it in the tags cuz I hate it here

Alright so step right up welcome to the circus of insomnia (that should be my blog title honestly)

Caffeine has always been a weird one for me. Sometimes I drink it and I get so tired I have to take a nap. Sometimes I don’t feet anytning at all. Sometimes I get the like shivers or whatever like my hands shake and my heart leaves my body. I don’t know if that says anytning to you about anything.

So melatonin. We can just cross it right off the list I think we all know the drawbacks of melatonin. If you want to sleep for 4 hours and then wake up like sandy cheeks waking up from her hibernation, melatonin is your friend. I had a stash of a bunch of melatonin and yes it did help me fall asleep but I got annoyed because I would sleep for like exactly 4 hours and wake up again.

This evil thing. Diphenhydramine. You may know this classic from its presence in Benadryl. Benadryl and Dramamine and stuff that if meant to make you drowsy has never really made me drowsy or like not enough to make me actually go to sleep. I should have known right? My friend and I both had jobs that started early and I was staying at her house so we got some of this stuff to make us actually go to sleep. Right? Wrong. She was like “u know some people say this makes it harder for them to go to sleep.” I was like...no...please...don’t let me be “some people.” 20 minutes later she was fast asleep and I was laying in her bed slowly realizing that of course, of course, my brain could not accept sleep so easily. We don’t really need to go into the hallucinations but I did hallucinate and I did cry and I was very disoriented all day at work so I was not a fan of that.

Risperidone. What’s that? You say it’s not a sleep aid? You’re right. It’s not. One side effect is drowsiness (my phone tried to autocorrect to dreamcatcher so lol) but for me it only made me drowsy for the first few days I took it and then I was totally fine after my dose at noon to go to class and stuff. However this is somehow the most effective sleep aid on my list because I think I got more sleep while I was on this medication than I have during the past 6 months and I am not doing ANYTHING right now and I was a full time student then so I guess taking away your hallucinations really does help you sleep haha

Cannabinoids. Alright so my dad is a stoner. Like mega stoner. My mom hates weed but she’s been taking these pot gummies for help her sleep or whatever and they both keep trying to get me to do that too so fun ya okay. I tried my mom’s and it basically did nothing and then I took two and like also kinda nothing. So we went and got some that are like actually for sleep. Basically it’s 5mg of THC and 1mg of CBN okay lit right. The first night I took one of these like what even happened we don’t know. Basically, welcome back to hallucination. So then the next night I took half of one. It did nothing 🤩. The next night I took 3/4. It did nothing. I took 3/4 again the next night and slept for a solid 2 hours. The night after that I said fuck it let’s do a whole one again. WOW amazing I slept for the whole night 9 hours I love my life. Tonight I took one and omg wow. Nothing. I feel nothing. So now I’m just here.

I can’t even begin to tell you how much I hate it here. Yes I’m just complaining but like I just want to sleep and especially to sleep during the night because I just want people to stop being upset with me for not being able to sleep or be a real person or whatever. I have followed like every suggestion ever on how to sleep not just the ones I listed above and so many things people will recommend to me and I’ll try it for a while and I’m just like “it really doesn’t work” and they’re like oh :/ it works for me I don’t know what’s wrong and I JUST want to know whag it is about sleeping that my brain hates so much like we know it is bad I’ve literally sat on my floor crying from frustration multiple nights a week because the morning is COMING and I know I’m gonna be TIRED later because oh no I only have 3 hours and I can’t sleep and I JUST WANT TO SLEEP and then I fail school and I miss class cuz I was asleep and people are just like why the FUCK can’t you be fucking normal what is wrong with you and All I want is to sleep that’s all I want olease just let me do it teach me how it’s done I don’t even remember when I used to actually go to sleep and be like rested I have been doing this since I was like 13 I don’t even remember I just want it TO END PLEASE

And all of my friends who also stayed up late and stuff are like “oh I don’t know one day I just started waking up at 9 every day it’s so weird like I don’t even need an alarm” or like “I just evened out my sleep schedule” and they’re all like “omg we’re worried about you why are you still like this?” And I’m like i DONT KNOW please give me the grow up hormones or whatever that make you wake up I don’t want to do the no sleep/4 hours sleep/2hours/16 hours week anymore I don’t want to be a failure I just want to live

[autisticstarseed]

👐 Hand washing guide when you have sensory issues 👐

tbh. we shouldve been talking abt this a long time ago for many disabled ppls sake but ive put this post off for like a million years out of pure solidified fear of ableist harassment/kneejerk ignorance and also generalized cringe idiots but now that we got so much covid-19 fear and autistic ppl actually tend to have weaker immune systems than most people lets jump the shark;;;

i have autism and i physically struggle with washing my hands as often as i want to, having wet hands, drying them, the temperature difference, bad soap smells/textures, etc. are all genuinely painful. the good news is that ive dealt with water aversion shit since birth (its a common sensory issue), so ive had time to figure out alternatives and coping skills that still help reduce risk of disease and spreading it in ways that i can personally manage. (ie. not lazy or selfish or gross. genuinely putting more effort into this every day task than most other people would even think about. just disability lads) so heres the guide i have to offer if you’re in a similar boat, with some keypoints about hand hygiene and tips addressing the most common sensory struggles ive noticed with it;;;

1. hand sanitizer

i love hand sanitizer, i can get it in almost any scent i want and it dries down very very fast. the problem is; hand washing and hand sanitizer do different things. it only kills certain types of germs. which is all fine and dandy, but because of this, using only hand sanitizer wont actually keep you from catching or spreading many illnesses. so what its good for is times you cant wash your hands (out in public, sensory overload, no spoons, etc), thats fine, but it should not replace all hand washing if at all possible. it is supposedly effective to covid-19, but so little is currently known that it should not be considered your go to for this, and the only unanimous statement straight from the CDC is that hand washing works best at preventing its spread.

temperature - if you have trouble with it being too cold, conveniently keeping it in your pocket or closely against your body in some way warms it up and makes it much more comfortable. 

scent - they come in almost any scent you can imagine, but if you have trouble with strong scents, there are ‘scentless hand sanitizers’. they usually have a faint chemical smell, so if there are any testers available, you should check to make sure it can work for you before you buy it.

texture - if gel doesnt cut it, they also make foamy hand sanitizers and liquid sprays, but theyre harder to find and might be a little more pricey.

and remember; always buy hand sanitizer that says it contains AT LEAST 60% alcohol, the higher alcohol content the better, but try to keep track of how high it is and how much you apply it so you dont dry your skin out. and right now price gouging is pretty bad, so dont be surprised if you cant find any for a while, and dont buy any small bottle that costs over a couple dollars, its a rip off.

2. hand washing 

so what does hand washing do thats better than sanitizer??? soap and water lift up the dirt and oils that are carrying the germs and actually wash them off, and not only that, it also gets rid of all the things sanitizer cant, such as dust/dirt, spores, chemicals, and the previously mentioned viruses that are harder to kill. ik to an outside perspective it might not seem that hard, but obviously when you have autism and these tasks are split down into bigger ordeals and sensory nightmares, it can feel impossible. 

soap - there are so many different kinds of soap! scentless soaps exist, and they very rarely have any lingering chemical smell! theres also soap for sensitive skin, and baby soap also works well for that issue. bar soaps can come in all different shapes and sizes, with many different ingredients and additives to choose from (independent soap makers are an amazing source for customized soap btw), and liquid soaps can be pure gel, frothy, mousse-y or even have tiny exfoliating or moisturizing beads in them if thats a sensory experience you enjoy. this is my number one rec for people struggling with hand washing bc of sensory issues;;; mix up the soap. finding one that gives you an okay or even a GOOD sensory experience can completely turn around an otherwise meltdown inducing task

temperature - this is the one thats always been hardest for me. cold water straight up hurts me, and our plumbing is Terrible, so the trick i have for slow pipes is to run the hot water on high as Soon as i get into the bathroom. leave it going and by the time you’re done there should be at least lukewarm water. if this still takes too long for you, try out the various sinks in your house, usually one is able to get hot water faster than the rest (for me its the kitchen sink) and that can become a designated station for you if need be.

texture - some ppl just hate water. if thats the case, it rly doesnt change much abt the process if you use less water, ie work the soap into a lather, and then only use as much as you need to rinse it off. you dont have to keep your hands under the whole time, the soap clings to the dirt, the water takes it off all together, as long as you scrub well and rinse till you see no suds, you’re good 

If it really comes down to it, a washcloth with water+soap, a disinfecting wipe, or even literally just a rinse with plain ol water is better than nothing, but the stream of water and act of rubbing the soap in is the most effective combo against disease. soap/disinfectant wipes and hand sanitizers are your second best option. if theres a time in your life where an issue is so disabling for you that you truly cant keep any of this up, rly the most important thing is to limit your direct physical contact with your face and commonly used objects as MUCH as possible until you can figure smth out. (you kno those old ladies that grab a wipe and open the doorknob with it between their hand and the knob? become that old lady) and if push comes to shove, if a safe and accepting therapy setting is something accessible to you, hygiene struggles are actually something many mental health professionals understand Very well and can help you cope with personally and directly, without shame.

3. hand drying

this is also. my personal hell. and what most people say is the hardest part of the sensory experience. but ya cant just walk around with wet hands right

towels - the obvious choice for most, but to me they actually dont dry enough. i always end up damp and with lint stuck to me. this kills the man. but hand towels do have some variety to them, you can find em with really long fibers or really short/flat, really fuzzy or really stiff, etc. sounds silly but its smth a lot of ppl dont think about that can change a lot. you can also try super absorbent towels (yes like a shamwow), and again baby bath towels are also an option if you want something gentle.

paper towels - yeah a little more wasteful and expensive, but imo much more absorbent. theyre also pretty thin so you can get between your fingers (MY BANE), and under your nails if you use a corner. 10/10

blow drying - ik this is the kind of shit you only see in like movie theaters and malls and they are definitely LOUD AS SHIT, but if you happen to have the money, and struggle more with Textures than Noise, ie a stream of warm air seems worth the sound, you Can actually find a small basic one of these items for your own home. 

4. public restrooms

everybody hates em!!! but you can make em more tolerable;;;

soap - bring your own! little travel soaps you can keep in your bag are a godsend for ppl with sensory issues, sensitive skin/allergies, and if you just prefer not sharing soap.

temperature - most public places i notice actually do get hot water pretty fast (like,,, too fast,,, like,,, it bur ns me) so if there are no faucets and its too hot or too cold, once again you can try different sinks and one might be more comfortable. if there are faucets i recommend grabbing a paper towel to turn it off, so you dont have to touch it again with your clean hands.

sound - WHY R AUTOMTIC FLUSH TOILETS SO FUCKEN LOUDD..... honestly if you have noise cancelling earmuffs or earplugs or w/e pop em in. if you dont have any of that i just literally plug my ears with my fingers when i stand up. if you struggle with the sound of the blow dryers, they almost always have paper towels as well, but its a great idea to carry something like that around in your bag with you just in case. if its really packed and people chattering is getting to you, sometimes the ‘family’ bathrooms are actually smaller and less full. if its bad enough and you feel comfortable asking, an employee might be able to direct you to a single stall bathroom or at least a different one than that.

and though its convenient, try not to use your sleeve to touch things like doorknobs, toilet handles, etc. instead use something disposable like a paper towel or wipe, bc the germs will simply transfer to your sleeve and still risk infecting you. 

5. schedule

the number one suggestion is to wash your hands literally as often as possible during a time like this but like. even for allistic/nt/abled/ ppl thats just not always an attainable schedule so the Best times to wash your hands are;;;

after using the bathroom - the most important time and generally the easiest to get used to. its smth you have to do multiple times a day that already has a schedule, and if you were to forget or go into sensory overload its usually immediately accessible as soon as you can. as i mentioned earlier, if you need help remembering, you can turn the water on when you first get in and leave it going.

the doctors - ANY KIND of health facility should be avoided right now unless really necessary, places where sick people would frequent is the quickest way to get sick but like. ya rly cant help it sometimes right. you cant stop dealing with your own illnesses just bc theres another one floating around. so, this is time to go apeshit on the handwashing. if your health issue involves coughing and sneezing, ask for a face mask. bring a scarf in case they dont have any, its not as great but better than nothing. otherwise, you honestly dont need it, face masks are more for these people bc they keep germs in better than out. whether you’re worried abt getting sick or infecting others, this is a time to use hand sanitizer, avoid physical contact like shaking hands [autistic cheering], and when you first arrive and right before you go to leave are the most important times to remember to wash your hands. 

preparing food - not as commonly spoken about, but also easy to work into a schedule. i personally dont care unless its food for somebody else or if im going to be putting my hands on it a lot, but if thats the case, a lot of the time thats produce you already want to wash in the sink, so you can kill two birds with one stone there. dont just get the germs off your own hands, get em off the fruits and veggies before you eat em. carpool

after grocery shopping - not very common. most ppl just slap some sanitizer/a wipe on there or dont think abt it at all, but if you just got home from walmart thats a great time to wash. you just touched a bunch of items other people touched, including the cart, money/credit cards, and all the products people will pick up and put back, so its prime germ time babey. But again, sanitizer or a wipe will help if its all you can manage after a trip out like that.

before self care - also uncommon. ppl always say ‘dont touch your face’ and ‘apply this product with clean hands’, and what they mean is that one of the fastest ways germs get into your system is through your mouth, nose, eyes and ears. if you’re simply washing your face theres not as much concern, but applying a mask, moisturizer, makeup, etc. should all be done after a gentle rinse of your hands (and face). very hard to get into the schedule of, but if you consider it a Part of your ‘self care’ or use a special fun cleanser, it can stick a little easier.

6. stim items

STIM ITEMS!! if you have stim items, its a good idea to clean them regularly, but even moreso during an outbreak like this.

rubber/plastic - if it goes in your mouth, hot water (not hot enough to melt!) and dish soap, if it doesnt, look up how to safely make a diluted bleach solution.

silicone - silicone is usually dish washer safe.

fabric - if its light, add bleach to the washing machine, if its colored, you can use white vinegar or hydrogen peroxide which are less likely to discolor any dyes. lysol detergent is also super great. small items you’re worried about losing, or items with details/loose parts, you can usually wash inside of a sealed pillow case. 

‘squishies’ - for ‘mochi’ squishies aka the rubbery ones, soap and water + some dusted baby powder or corn starch (optional) to keep it from grabbing lint for a while. for foam squishies, they can rarely be deep cleaned without the risk of growing mold or taking paint off, but a disinfecting wipe every now and then should keep it clean for a while.

slime - cant be disinfected, sorry. also a breeding ground for mold if you arent careful, so its always best to cycle through these quickly.

technology - cant really be completely sterilized, but there are many places to get sprays and cleaning wipes for the devices you use that can at least keep the areas your hands frequently touch a little cleaner.

BUT of course if your item comes with instructions on how to wash it, always follow that instead. this is just a general idea.

and as a final note;;; disabled ppl should not feel guilty or dirty for struggling with this. like. man idc abt ur cringe feels or your ignorant blame or your lack of understanding/sympathy for what goes into these tasks for us. if u dont wanna get our struggles and sensitivities when we’re working twice as hard on functioning tasks which personal ease you take for granted, thats on you. @ disabled people if you struggle with maintaining the same standard of hygiene as nts you arent gross or bad fucking person, you’re disabled and by definition that means your level of functioning will be different, and you deserve sympathy. its just that germs dont discriminate, they wanna cause problems for everybody involved (especially you!!!), so Anything you can manage is Great and if anything from this post can help make it a little easier for people in any way, i feel its absolutely necessary to talk about with respect and dignity. people with autism/adhd/sensory processing disorder/similar neurodivergencies/literally anybody else this could benefit, pls feel free to add on any tips you might have or send me questions. let disabled ppl help disabled ppl do our personal bests

[awkwardgaydude]

Tag Game: Get To Know The Mun

Answer the questions below and tag 11 people you want to know better! Shout out to @awkwarddragon9991 for tagging me 

1. What do you prefer to be called name wise?

My name is Chay but whenever I try to tell people that they always mispronounce it like chet Chad chair and its been like that my whole life so if it sounds remotely like my name I'll probably acknowledge it

2. When is you birthday?

January 29th

3. Where do you live? (You don’t have to give city, you can give the state if your USA or country if you are overseas)

Buttfuck nowhere South Crapolina

4. Three things you are doing right now?

Right now just waiting to start work because there's only like half an hour before I have to be in but in general replaying mass effect andromeda and watching random stuff when I have the chance (banana fish, star wars rebels, forged in fire stuff like that)

5. Four Fandoms that have your peak interest right now?

Hmmm I really don't participate in Fandoms but I like seeing stuff from: my hero academia, avatar the last Airbender, the expanse and just other scifi stuff

6. How has this pandemic been treating you?

Honestly it fucking sucks so much because everyone is being all "omg I have so much time now to do everything I normally couldn't its nice to be able to have a break from work" and I'm just here like ya must be fuckin nice I'm still working 40 hrs a damn week at my shitty job

7. A song you can’t stop listening to right now?

I dont know what we're talking about by Ninja Sex Party

8. Recommend a movie.

Valerian and the city of a thousand planets

9. How old are you?

25

10. School, University, Occupation, Other?

I'm working its boring as hell and I hate it id like to do something more interesting like building stuff

11. Do you prefer heat or cold?

Oh definitely the cold I miss snow and just being able to wear a jacket without melting please give me like 3 months of snow I'd be happy with that

12. Name one fact about you that others may find unusual.

Hmmm i honestly don't know that there's anything "unusual" about me I'm pretty generic

13. Are you shy?

Yeah I'm pretty shy like I will almost never talk first. And I'm also pretty awkward

14. Do you have preferred pronouns?

Just he/him

15. Biggest pet peeve?

Oohh probably people being late like if its just a couple of minutes and not something you can control nbd but if you're constantly late but like 20+ minutes then thats just gonna piss me off and if probably set meeting times earlier just to counter that.

16. What is your fave ‘dere’ type?

Like yandere, or tsundare or whatever? I legit don't know the types or what they mean so I dunno.

Upon further research being a masochist I like yandere lol

17. Rate your life 1-10, 1 being really crappy and 10 being best it could ever be.

Oh God do I really have to i guess if say 5 not great could better but not totally shitty

18. What is your main blog?

It be this one

19. List your side blogs and what they are used for.

I don’t have any just this blog of random crap

20. Is there anything you think people need to know about you before becoming friends with you?

I'm really bad at conversations I try keep them going but I usually don't know what to say.

I’m gonna tag: @hagakure @julianocornuti @zachsanomaiy @zpikel @crasher33 @lemonadelyric

I can't think of anyone else and you really don't have to do it guys .