#like i hate that person too. but STOP calling them ugly if you don’t mean the personality or actions

[milimeters-morales]

how it feels defending someone i mildly dislike because someone is going after their looks

[yuikomorii]

// I’m making this post, as a result of seeing way too much hate and misinfo regarding every character. Nobody stops anyone from voicing their opinion but the need to degrade a character, while providing BAD reasons or stating incorrect/out-of-context facts about them only for the sake of internet validation, is such a loser move.

We’re all in this fandom to have fun and even if you have something negative to say about a character you don’t like, keep it to yourself or in private with your friends.

Ayato:

“I don’t like Ayato, he’s overrated”, omg you’re just sooo different! Definitely not like other girls/guys!

Everyone is allowed to dislike whatever they want but if Ayato is your least/one of your least favorite DL characters, then your opinion ISN’T valid. This is a franchise full of abusive characters and he’s literally the most heroic love interest. Why would you hate the hero…?

“He’s dumb and annoying”, says the person who spends their time insulting FICTIONAL characters. 1) Japanese fans like dumb characters, since they come off as endearing; 2) Ayato outdid everyone throughout the routes.

He did more good than all of his brothers and saying that X, Y or Z deserves the main role more, is fake fan behavior because at this point you’re just setting up your favs.

Kanato:

No, you’re not cool for calling him ugly. It’s okay if you’re not into that type of characters but his design is not bad at all.

“He had no development”, he does in CL. It’s not major but it can still be visible.

The whole Teddy thing might be annoying to some of you, but his fans get why he acts that way. Let’s not forget that he is a victim of neglect.

Yes, he was sexually exploited too. Don’t forget this x2.

Laito:

“I hate Laito so much, he was so cruel in HDB 😢”; stop living in the past and move on already.

His development shouldn’t be overlooked only because your opinion about him was formed on something that came out more than 10 years ago.

He’s still the most fascinating DL character and I get that he might make some of you feel uncomfortable but don’t project your triggers on a character that’s merely made after a trope.

Shu:

No, it’s not Shu’s fault for the way Reiji acted. Envy is never a good reason to hurt someone.

“Shu roasts the heroine the most!”, I get that it’s rude but his insults are actually funny?? A bunch of people will like him for being brutally honest or a jerk because it’s literally a game for players with masochistic fantasies. They WANT to be roasted by good-looking men. That’s the point.

“Shu is lazy and stupid, he’s the only one who failed his school year”, genuine question: If you were an immortal creature that doesn’t need food or sleep to survive, would you still care about grades? Besides, he’s really smart.

“Shu doesn’t care about Yuma, he just feels guilty”, in LE he sacrificed himself for him and reincarnated merely because he wished to meet Yuma again and get on well with him in another life—

Reiji:

“He hurt Shu and Yuma”, well yeah but he was shown plenty of times regretting it and trying to fix things. Stop reminding this to Reiji stans because that conflict is already closed.

“He is so mean in other routes”, obviously?? If you don’t teach him how to love, he won’t suddenly act nice towards anyone.

Without him Yui would fail her tests and the Sakamaki household would be in chaos.

Subaru:

“W-What do you mean baby Tsundere is not soft innocent virgin boy? 🥺”; he has never been like that, that’s how YOU perceived him. Stop acting so shocked every time Subaru does something bad because he’s still a vampire after all??

Also, why are so many people reducing his character to Kou and/or Yui—? He’s much more than that and has his own interests, struggles, likes, dislikes, and so on.

“He’s irrelevant”; Diabolik Lovers has 13 love interests, they can’t make everyone extremely important to the general plot. Just enjoy a character as it is, it’s not that hard.

Ruki:

The cat jokes were funny when the Meow Meow Vampire art came out but MOVE ON. I hate that scene and Ruki was in the wrong but come on now, that’s not even the worst thing he has done and MB happened in 2013.

I understand not liking Ruki as a person, because he’s mostly not a good one, but this doesn’t mean he’s not a good character.

“Ruki deserved what happened to him in the past because he was cruel towards everyone”; while I agree that Karma hit him, I wouldn’t say any child really deserves to go through that. He was just a spoiled brat, who most likely wasn’t taught by his parents about modesty or kindness.

Kou:

“He was so cruel in MB 😣”, and HE HAD DEVELOPMENT! He’s not the same anymore, nobody is.

“He overreacts”, sometimes he’s not in the wrong and has all rights to be angry.

Kou isn’t afraid of going against Ruki, even if he’s the brother he admires the most, as long as he knows that what Ruki is doing isn’t good.

Yuma:

“He beat Yui up in the MB bad ending!😡😡”, it’s a bad ending for a reason, lol.

Pretty reminder that Yuma always tries to help others with Kou and Azusa, and was even willing to save the ghouls in LE.

“Yuma doesn’t care about Shu”, did we play the same game or…?

Azusa:

“Azusa is so horrible, he threw Teddy in the fire!”; and he only did it to save Yui, it was not intentional.

While not all his actions are good, keep in mind that he never means any harm and is overall such a sweet guy.

“He is too clingy”; I know that might not be everyone’s cup of tea but is it really worth hating a character just for wanting affection?

The Tsukinamis and Kino:

“They were too easy to defeat in DF!”; Dark Fate wasn’t entirely about them to begin with. Most routes focused on the boys’ internal struggles with their trauma and how to move past it.

“Kino is sometimes mean for the sake of being mean”; it’s almost as if he’s the ✨villain✨

It’s dumb questioning the morals of characters supposed to have an antagonistic role.

“Kino hurt Ayato in LE”; out of all characters who have wronged Ayato, at least Kino felt bad and wanted to apologize.

Yui:

“She’s dumb and ugly”; Japanese fans literally love her for being an idiot because it wouldn’t be fun to see the heroine being the best at everything or not making mistakes at all. Plus, her design is definitely not ugly.

Stop creating your own version of Yui in your head and ending up disappointed when she doesn’t act the way you expect her to. No, Yui is not OOC for liking being bitten, having a low learning ability or saying things she shouldn’t in the wrong moments. Nobody is perfect and everyone has their own kinks and flaws.

“She’s too innocent”; she’s not?? If you really want to see her thirsty, go play Ayato’s routes, especially the heaven scenarios.

“She’s weak”, she’s the opposite. Yui is one of the most mentally strong DL characters.

I can’t understand people who hate on heroines when they’re present in all routes and are the most positive characters.

[whyse7vn]

KAWAII -

[ ot7 x reader ]

SLUT CENTRAL 🤮

———————————

8 participants - 8 online

jin: so i just raised a slut like???

namjoon: ??

y/n: RIGHT ITS INSANE

jk: ur a father?

tae: where the sluts at lol

yoongi: honestly i could throw up

jimin: if i raised jungkook i would not be taking credit for that shit just saying

hobi: you raised me up

jk: i’m the slut? ☹️

jin: YES YOU ARE WHY

ARE YOU HALF NAKED ON WEVERSE

WHAT IS UR ISSUE???

jk: jimin did it first

jimin: UMM EXUSE ME????

IT WAS FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY MIGHT I ADD

DONT DRAG ME INTO UR MESS

hobi: wasn’t namjoon half naked the other day too?

namjoon: this isn’t about me

y/n: whores the lot of you!

tae: namjoon the biggest whore

namjoon: again this isn’t about me

tae: ok mr automatic dick

hobi: who was the automatic bitch?

y/n: what does that even mean

namjoon: yoongi was the one talking about his tongue technology

yoongi: ??????

leave me alone wtf

tae: ur all nasty

hobi: be honest are you a virgin

tae: ME????

ARE YOU SILLY LOOK AT ME

hobi: looking

i see a virgin

tae: if anyone is a virgin it’s jin

jin: okay wtf not true at all

jimin: he’s lived for like 79 years there’s no way he’s a virgin lmao

y/n: i mean think about that one photo

with the comdoms in the back

jin BEEN fucking!!

hobi: #kingsize

jin: i mean what can i say

jimin: you picked up the wrong size?

jin: kill yourself?

namjoon: could we not talk about the size of jin’s dick please and thank you

tae: right pls stop guy me and namjoon are getting turned on

jk: it’s ok me 3

jin: what

y/n: what

namjoon: what????

yoongi: strangling jungkook gotta feel better than opiates i just know it in my heart

jimin: retweet

tae: bro said retweet 😭😭😭😭

his ass is NOT on twitter 🤣🤣

y/n: you are so unfunny it makes me want to punch things

tae: i’m so into that

y/n: burn

tae: ummmm?

y/n: alive

tae: don’t hate me cuz you want to passionately kiss me on the mouth

y/n: would rather get shot 450 times

tae: fuck you never speak to me again

y/n: finally

tae: guys i miss her 😕💔

WRONG CHAT

WRONG CHAT FUCK YOU BYE

hobi: wow

jk: guys let’s start using tone indicators!

yoongi: ur ugly /srs

jk: ok nvm!

jimin: and she said she said she’s from hawaii /srs

namjoon: …

hobi: do you know how to say cute in japanese? /srs

jk: i do i do i do

namjoon: please stop

tae: did someone say japan lol???

jin: when you said bye i had hope you would be gone for more that 2 seconds

y/n: he said japanese

jimin: idiot

tae: they call me senpai down under

yoongi: ?

jk: in australia??

tae: tf is an australia??

yoongi: what the actual fuck is wrong with you?

tae: did you mean astronaut?

jk: maybe…

y/n: you didn’t

jk: i didn’t

hobi: naur

jin: pls don’t do this again

hobi: naur i have to mate

tae: somone call me senpai rn see what happens

y/n: no

jin: is he’s gonna do something weird?

i feel like he’s gonna do something weird

pls don’t do something weird

jk: let’s find out!!!

namjoon: let’s not!

jk: senpai~

tae: nnnuugghhhhhhhhh 😫

jin: told u

tae: what’s up baby 😉

yoongi removed tae from “SLUT CENTRAL 🤮”

jimin: i HATE jungkook

jk: /srs ?

jimin: /srs

jk: FUCK

hobi: personally if i was to ever get hit by a car i would just get up and walk away

like thats so embarrassing

am i a pussy?

absolutely NOT

jk: hobi btw i do know how to say cute in japanese

namjoon: what if your legs were badly hurt?

hobi: namjoon idk about YOU but hoseok is definitely gonna walk it off

namjoon: why are you talking in 3rd person?

jk: do you want to know how to say cute in japanese??

i can tell you

yoongi: no

jk: k y ee

y/n: oh my god

yoongi removed jk from “SLUT CENTRAL 🤮”

jimin: did he just say that

like fr

k y ee?

as in kawaii

im not hallucinating right

jin: unfortunately not

hobi: i need a car

it’s time to hit a couple people

yoongi: talking to them kills me inside

jin: i’m here for u yoongi

yoongi: and you

jin: hobi make sure you hit him too

jin added tae to “SLUT CENTRAL 🤮”

jin added jk to “SLUT CENTRAL 🤮”

jin: karma

tae: sometimes i call the number on missing dog posters and just bark

jk: hi guys i’m back thx for adding me back jin hi guys i’m back did you miss me cuz i’m back now so it’s ok

namjoon: you bark?

tae: so they think it’s their dog trying to contact them

but it’s not

cuz it’s me

jimin: why would they think it’s their dog?

how tf a dog gonna use a phone

tae: dogs don’t normally use phones?

guess yeontan just built different 🤷🏻‍♂️

i mean what do you expect from a son of mine

hobi: he’s built different cuz you don’t feed him

y/n: LAMSOSOKSKD THAT IS NOT FUNNY AT ALL YOU CANT SAY THAT OH MY GODJDJDJDJJFJFN

jimin: HELP THATS CRAZY

yoongi: wow

namjoon: guys please

jin: INSANE HOSEOK INSANE

tae: ok that was not funny at all

i look after him

really well actually

..

i swear

i feed him

i do

jk: i believe you tae

tae: you do? 🥺

jk: yeah

tae: thanks jungkook i love you

jk: ok

tae: ok?

jk: ok?

tae: okay

jk: okay

tae: fucking whore whose the other woman then??

jk: guys help i’m really scared rn

jimin: omg speaking of that fucking mutt

tae: MUTT???

jimin: bro has NO stage presence at ALL

expressions lame as hell and all he did was run around trying to get camera time he looked a fool

hobi: dozen core

y/n: was his first performance pls don’t make fun of him he’s trying his best :(((

jimin: his best wasn’t good enough

tae: HE WORKED VERY HARD FOR THAT STAGE

jimin: it did not show

jk: bam could of done it better

yoongi: would of shit on stage

jimin: still would of been better than whatever yeontan was doing

tae: can you leave him alone omg

he was nervous

jimin: i’ll cook him

hobi: do you know how to say cute in japanese?

jk: yes

i do

namjoon: stop

jk: i can give you a hint if you don’t know namjoon

namjoon: jungkook please don’t talk to me

jimin: he’s losing it guys

y/n: lowkey hot

i love a man on the edge

tae: just say ur a slut

y/n: ??

yoongi: tae shut the fuck up

jimin: that so screams i have never felt the touch of a woman before

tae: how tf u think i made yeontan?

jk: you fucked a dog??????

tae: wait no wtf

jk: oh MH GOD GUYS TAE FUCKED A DOG

that’s illegal

i hope

OHMY GOD CALL TBE POLICE

hobi: that’s gross i’m gonna throw up

tae: THATS NOT TRUE HES LYING I DIDNT STOP PLS

jin: where is namjoon when you need him change the the subject i’m begging you

namjoon: i think i'm having a psychotic break rn

y/n: holds you and whispers it's gonna be okay

jimin: kill your neighbor kill your neighbor kill your neighbor

tae: GUYSBPLS BELIEVE ME

IM CRYING

SOBBING PLS

IM GONNA THROW UP EVERYWHERE

IVE HAD SEX

WITH A WOMAN BEFORE NEVER A DOG

PLS IM TELLINV THE TRUTH PLS

GIYS

PLS HWLLO

GIUSYSSSJSJJDD

PLEASE

y/n: can’t wait for the day it’s gc gets leaked

we will all be locked up

jimin: severing 10 years not even that bad if you think about it

yoongi: tae severing at least 25

tae: NOT TRUE

namjoon serving life

little drug abuser

y/n: be fr the worst drug joon has done is take 4 paracetamols at one time

jk: 4?????

WOW JOON U CRAZY

namjoon: no

hobi: caught namjoon sipping lean on august 13th 2023 10:45 pm

namjoon: no you didn’t

hobi: u right i didn’t

sorry guys i like to lie

jin: that’s a problem actually

hobi: i’m working on it

tae: work harder

jimin: tell ur dog that

tae: CAN YOU LEAVE HIM ALONE

yoongi: can you come over

tae: yeah

yoongi: wrong chat mb

and why tf would i be taking to you

tae: i’m gonna shoot myself

jin: who you inviting over yoongi omg 🙈

should i bring you a nda??

jk: nine dead animals?

y/n: no jungkook

jk: oh

namjoon: breathe in breathe out

jk: personally i’m worried if i give good head or not because no one has ever willingly asked me to give them head so is my head that bad you don’t even want me to try

jin: invest in a diary pls

jk: cant i’m lacktoes intolerant :(

jimin: lactose?

y/n: and the way thats not even true

hobi: the head or the lactose part?

tae: trust me bro ur head crazy good

jk: fr?

tae: fr

it’s so good girls afraid to ask

jk: girls?

tae: boys?

jk: boys???

tae: people????

jk: what people??

tae: you have like people ur fucking right?

jk: no?

tae: what?

jk: no people

jimin: are you expecting a rando to just to ask you to given them head?

jk: no?

jin: i’m so confused

jk: y/n

y/n: yes?

yoongi: no

y/n: ?

namjoon: moving on

hobi: you think tae’s dog can learn black swan?

tae: he has a name yk?

hobi: say my name say my name

jk: jung hoseok

hobi: thx

jk: yes

k y ee

namjoon left “yeontan ugly”

tae: THE GC NAME??????

WHO DID THAT

y/n: poor joonie see what you guys do to him?

jimin: bet he’s gone to see his automatic bitch

hobi: robot sex

yoongi: what??

hobi: cyber sex doja cat

jin: illuminati

jk: when did he become poor thats so sad i’m here for him if he ever needs ¥

yoongi: why would he need yen?

jk: who is yen?

tae: NO IM SO FR WHO CHANGED THE GC NAME TO THAT

ITS NOT TRUE BTW

MY BABY TAKES AFTER ME

jimin: oh no i’m praying for him ❤️

tae: IT WAS U WASNT IT

ALWAYS KNEW U WERE A JELOUS LOSER

jk: guys ur not being very k y ee rn

yoongi: i’m going to skin you alive

[strawberryraviegutz]

I really REALLY hate those kinds of stupid “hot take” posts. I think they’re just garbage to purposely farm more discourse to cause infighting, but I’ve been holding this in for so long and I need to get it out of my system so here it goes.

Alastor fans are allowed to dislike Valentino. Valentino was made to be a dislikable Villain while Alastor BY VIV’S OWN WORDS is a chaotic neutral antihero based off of Dexter with a moral code. Of course people are gonna like Alastor more than Valentino. The antihero/vigilante is a very popular beloved trope. I mean just look at Magneto and Venom.

You guys claim to want more nuanced characters but when we try and tell you that Alastor is more nuanced BASED OFF OF EVIDENCE FROM THE CREATOR and little possible context clues in the show we get accused of “babying/woobifying him”(as if Val fans haven’t done that to Val). This isn’t a hit piece against all Val fans/simps btw. I may hate that moth, but you guys should be allowed like him without receiving hate and or death threats.

It’s not “hypocrisy” to dislike Valentino or the Vees and like Alastor for the reasons I said above and the four of them aren’t comparable. Yeah they share some traits but overall the only thing Alastor and the Vees have in common are the mistreatment of the souls they own. Like I said, Val fans shouldn’t be attacked for liking him but the thing is…if you’re gonna preach those words then do the same for Alastor fans/simps because we get attacked too.

(Again it’s not all Val stans but it sure it a lot of them. I’ve all so seen Val haters do it too.) Yall claim not to harass people over fictional characters yet will go under Alastor posts and or discussion threads and be like “Uhm actually him and Valentino are the same🤓☝️”.

“He’s worse than Val” “Why can’t we just have a good villain” “Just accept that Alastor is a villain stop babying him” when we’re just minding our own business. Not to mention people going under fanart of Angel! Alastor and being like “erm actually he’d never go to heaven🤪”.

Along with yall bullying the hell out of Alastor selfshippers/simps and using tumblr sexyman as an insult(which reaks of internalized misogyny btw because majority of Alastor simps are women + women are always the first to be made fun of when it comes to characters that Classify as tumblr sexymen being found attractive by them or any character you personally wouldn’t find attractive.)

And yall going around and keep calling Alastor ugly under posts about people gushing about him and i don’t mean lighthearted jokes either because i make fun of the back of his head sometimes too. And full blown harassment. When an Alastor fan provided evidence of Alastor being a more nuanced character which were clips from Viv’s streams, people in the comments and qrts were being extremely rude and dismissive. It got so bad that op deleted the og tweet.

Don’t go around and claim to be against cringe culture but then make fun of people for finding Alastor attractive. And for goodness sake STOP FUCKING CALLING HIM A SLAVE OWNER. And yes he owns souls but that doesn’t matter.

Alastor is canonically half black and its overall disgusting to slap the label “slave owner” onto him knowing damn well that he grew up in the Jim Crow era of America in the Deep South of Louisiana. His existence as a mixed black person back then was basically considered an abomination. With how terrible it was for black people back then, Alastor probably bore witness to a lot of messed up shit growing up and if that’s the case then it’s no wonder he’s so messed up in the head.

This type of behavior has been going on since the days where we only had the pilot and it’s only gotten worse since the show came out. As soon as I saw that scene with husk and Alastor in hell’s greatest dad I automatically knew what was coming. I’m not saying that Alastor Is a good person nor am I saying that what he did to husk was ok. But to go after/make fun of Alastor fans,purposely denying evidence of his character while in the same breath preach against bullying people over liking certain characters makes YOU the hypocrites. So much for anti-harassment. I’m tired. Bye.

[daily-crowley]

What character from GO is your favorite, and which one do you relate to the most? For me I relate to aziraphale the most but crowleys my favorite

BROTHER FRANCIS IS MY FAVOURITE HANDS DOWN!!! I would do anything for him, I would die for him and just him. I consider myself the #1 Brother Francis stan and defender. I’ve made long threads about Brother Francis and defending him because I really dislike seeing how much fun he gets made of and seen people hate on him because of his looks. I absolutely hate when people remove all of his features in fanfiction or fanart and just make him look like regular Aziraphale only still with his gardner clothes. Of course, depending on tone I can tell when someone is joking when they called him ugly and don’t mean anything bad by it but then there’s some people who post about how much they hate this era/look and it sounds so genuine that I absolutely just like lose respect for that person a little. Yeah this look is for comedic reasons but at the same time there’s people with the same features as him in the real world and sometimes when you’re making so much fun of a fictional character a person who might also have buck teeth can see it and their insecurity will grow. When it comes to Brother Francis it’s one of the very very rare instances where I will fight someone and I’ll probably look like I’m overreacting and taking it way too seriously but yeah… I adore him and he needs more love. It’s time people stop shitting on this look because it’s absolutely precious. Also, remember that looking like this he managed to get the nanny and she’s not embarrassed to be seen with him. If anything, Nanny thinks he’s the hot one in the relationship. 

And I guess I relate the most to Nanny Ashtoreth because she loves Brother Francis the way he is like I do. I know Nanny is Crowley and Brother Francis is Aziraphale and Crowley loves Aziraphale. But if they were their own separate characters Nanny Ashtoreth would still love Brother Francis for who he is and not just his looks. The whole Dowling’s staff would think they’re the oddest couple and have no clue why they’re together, but the answer is simple. And that’s because he treats her with respect and doesn’t see her as an object and he goes out of his way to make her feel good and special. Actually he wouldn’t even go out of his way to do this, it would just come naturally to him since he thinks that’s how it should be.

I really wish there was more fanart and fanfiction on these two. Whether they’re disguised or Nanny and Francis are actual people in an AU. There’s a few of those, and I absolutely LOVE THEM. I just need more content of them. 

[gyusrose]

➵ sk8ter boi -> c.b

(first person p.o.v)

⚠︎ smut (mdni)

✎ opposites attract au , non-idol!au

summary : you never thought in a million years to be attracted to a boy like beomgyu. His baggy clothes, scrappy shoes, long hair just wasn’t a click with your elegant dresses, tight skirts, ballet dancer- self , but somehow he managed to steal your attention.

beomgyu x fem. reader

wc : 4.5k

(first post kinda nervous)

“come one it’ll be fun!” my friend chaewon said shaking my shoulder making me sigh.

i normally love to go out , but today is not it , even though it’s summer, it feels like a crappy , frizzy spring day.

“my hair will get all frizzy and shit chae, it’s too hot anyways for a picnic .” i said making her pout.

“aw come on!! we barely get any breaks from ballet classes , let’s take advantage of it, pretty please? “ i mean she was right , almost everyday did we go to ballet classes with little to no breaks not to mention chaewon is the one that can never go out.

“fineee i’ll go , but if my hair gets all ugly after i’ll blame it on you.”

>>

“isn’t this so cute?” chaewon said as she looked at how all the food and decorations were arranged.

she made some sandwiches that were heart shaped, neatly cut fruit , homemade chocolate chip cookies and strawberry lemonade.

ok i got to give her props for this. almost making me forget how bad i didn’t want to come.

“glad you came ?” yeji , my other friend said.

“i guess this isn’t so bad.”

the three of us began eating and talking about random stuff throughout the afternoon, mostly about ballet since it’s all we do 24/7.

“i’ll try and see if i can miss class tommorow, my feet are in no shape to keep up with practice seriously.” yeji said referring to her injury two days ago.

“you know damn well Ms. jung will go nuts, she hates it when we miss and then she gives you a whole lecture on how much a failure you are for not coming to class.” chae responded making me chuckle and nod.

yeji just sighed in defeated knowing she was right.

as we kept talking we hard noise coming from behind us. more like skateboards rolling.

we turned around to be surprised with a group of skater boys. of fucking course.

“dammit chae, you could’ve at least chosen a park with no skateboard rink , you know how much we dislike those weirdos.”

yeji bursted out laughing at my comment.

“you mean! but you’re right.” chaewon chuckled at her remark and apaologized.

“my bad, i thought they retired or something, i never see them when i come here.”

“why the fuck are they coming our way?”

they walked our direction and stopped right in front of us.

“what are you little pink princesses doing here?” one of them said.

gosh how can anyone be attracted to this? huge clothes, worn out converse, shaggy hair , don’t they have any decent clothes ?

“oh shut up yeonjun, this is a public park, can we not be here?” chaewon said.

how the fuck does she know his name ?

“woah calm down, i just thought you girls will be in that cage y’all call ballet.” he said making the rest of the guys chuckle.

“can y’all just leave us alone? go on with your dirty ass skateboards and go away.” i said anger taking over me.

“nice insult , really it almost made cry barbie wannabe.” another one of them said. this one was worse, that hair, dear lord. someone give this kid some scissors, how can he even see?

“you seriously cannot be talking about my appearance when you look like that dumbass, you-“

“stop! girls let’s just go, it’s getting late anyways.” yeji said stopping me to keep going leaving him smirking. i swear to fucking god.

>>

it was the next afternoon and i was feeling drained. i was just leaving my daily ballet classes and all i wanted to do was to take a fat ass nap. but then my grumbling stomach had other plans.

i drove to the nearest restaurant that i could find. what’s the difference? it’s all burgers and fries anyways.

my annoyance got bigger as i saw the line to order food.

god just kill me right now.

it was like a 15 minute wait until i was finally the next in line.

as i saw the person leave the register i felt someone get in front of me. i only saw the back is his head but i already knew who it was.

“excuse you asshole? i was waiting before you!” i exclaimed at him . i was hungry as fuck of course i’m angry.

he turned around smirking.

“oh my bad didn’t see you there.” that’s all he said before telling the cashier his order.

at this point i was huffing like a little kid throwing a tantrum.

“who the fuck do you think you are? i’m really fucking hungry.” i said shoving his shoulder but he didn’t budge making me even angrier.

i threw a couple of more insults at him but he just ignored me and finished ordering.

he thinks he owns the place or something?

i finally got to order after an eternity of waiting, more than half of that time was me insulting that long-haired freak.

as i got out my debit card the cashier spoke up.

“don’t worry it’s all taken care of”

huh?

“i’m sorry what? im not friends with the owner or anything.”

“the dude before you told me to pay your meal on his card.”

that skater dude ?

confusion isn’t enough to describe how lost i was.

i walked to where he was sitting not sure on what i was going to say to him.

“why did you pay for my food ?” i straight up said genuinely curious on his intentions.

dude cut the line and was a total jerk to me but then pays for my food?

“felt like doing some charity work.”

i clenched my jaw at him wanting to keep on insulting him but he payed for my food so i have to act nice for now i guess.

“look whatever this shit that’s happening just make it stop, we’re not friends or anything , thank you for the food but i really didn’t need that, now go one and leave me alone jerk.”

“looks like someone can’t take a joke, calm down, you look very funny when you’re mad _______.”

how the fuck does he know my name ?

“how the fuck do you know my name?”

he stayed silent for a moment.

“i just do , now if you excuse me i have places to be in.”

that’s all he said before leaving the restaurant leaving me utterly flabbergasted.

>>

“yeji , this isn’t a classy party, this is a straight up fuckplace.”

i looked around as all i could see is people drunk out of their minds grinding on each other , punching each other, while me and my friends are here dressed like we were having dinner with the president.

“seriously i’m sorry, my friend told me it was going to be better than this, ugh a bunch of low lives are the only ones here, i’ll go get us a drink.”

i turned to chaewon who now seemed to be getting along with some other girl leaving me looking like a loser.

and erupt of laughter caught my attention as i looked where it was coming from.

you’ve got to be kidding me.

of course it was them.

those guys.

they were surrounded by girls , some one their laps and some on their side. they had beers all over the table.

but for some reason i couldn’t find the one that has been up my ass-

oh there he was.

he was walking to the table with a beer in his hand taking a seat. i saw a girl approach him which seem to startle him for a moment but then followed on her flirting.

wanting to get away i went upstairs to see if i could find a bathroom. by the way bad idea.

still confused on how girls like that kind of men.

a bunch of drunks all over the hall that i could barely go through them.

when i thought i was finally there someone grabbed my arm.

“what’s a pretty little thing like you all alone?” an unknown man who’s breath smelled like beer and cigarettes combined said.

i’m so close to gagging right now.

“leave me alone asshole.” i said trying to get away from his grip but it was useless, he was much stronger.

“playing hard-to-get aren’t we? how about we-“

“she said to leave her alone dude.” a voice said behind him making the man turn around .

“awww what is little emo beomgyu going to do?”

suddenly a punch was thrown making me flinch at the sudden move.

the drunk man was now on the floor moaning in pain.

who i suppose is beomgyu hissed at the pain in his knuckles as he literally knocked him out.

i was still in shock but he grabbed my hand and led me to god knows where.

“why the fuck are you here? this place isn’t safe for people like you.”

“excuse you? i can go wherever i want, you can’t tell me what to do.”

he rolled his eyes in response.

“you know what i mean , like seriously, the people around here are just bad.”

“then why are you here?”

he sighed before answering.

“this is just where i grew up in, it’s hard letting go of the places i know the most , that’s why i know what i’m telling you.”

we finally got outside of the supposed “bar.”

“well thanks for saving my ass, i’ll get going now, i’d rather not bother my friends right now. “

i said and started making my way to the side walk but got stopped once again.

“you’re crazy. i just told you how dangerous this area is and you want to go home alone, at 1am by yourself ? “

“well my phones out of battery so i can’t call no one to pick me up and i don’t like taking ubers.” i shrugged.

“you’re so oblivious god, i’ll take you home dummy.”

yeah right.

“pftt in what? you’re little skateboard? no thanks i’ll walk.”

he’s got to be fucking with me.

“very funny, but no i have a car, you know my life doesn’t just revolve around skateboarding.” he said dangling his car keys in my face and led me to where he was parked.

damn it , his car was nice.

i was hoping to make fun of it but i can’t.

it wasn’t even dirty, it looked almost new and not cheap at all.

“your car’s not bad.” i said trying to keep my cool. i’m not trying to make his ego burst or anything.

“thanks , i can tell how hard it was for you to say that.” he said smirking.

see this is why i keep compliments to myself.

“so where to? “

>>



The car rider was pretty much him asking me basic questions nothing too special, but still kind of awkward. i didn’t really know him like that.

“you’re served princess.”

“ugh stop calling me that , you’re making me regret even getting in your car.” he just laughed at my words.

“calm down, just go home and rest.” he said but then he looked like he wanted to ask me something .

“umm do you think i could maybe have your number? it’s nothing like that, just maybe to um kind of um keep in contact or i don’t know, never mind i’m-“

“it’s alright.”

i responded tired of listening to him ramble.

not going to lie, it’s fun seeing him in this state, shy and all, making me feel bigger.

he handed me his phone and i typed in my number then giving it back to him.

“alright then um have a good sleep.” he said awkwardly and drive away before i could even answer.

i found myself laughing at the way he suddenly acted. kind of cute.

>>

during this past month i found myself actually getting along with beomgyu.

since the day he dropped me off and gave him my number, we’ve been texting and meeting up places, obviously we still argue and bully each other but we both know we’re just joking around.

i never thought that i would become actual friends with a skater boy, just from how i talked about them last week is enough to tell how i feel about them.

now i’m sitting here with chaewon and yeji at a diner. not paying much attention to what they’re saying since beomgyu started to message me.

“she’s so fucking annoying i swear.” yeji said making both her and chaewon laugh.

they both quiet down when they saw me not paying attention at all.

“umm miss? you’ve been on your phone this whole time. what’s the point of going out with us acting like that?” chaewon stated making me look up at her for the first since i got here.

“what did you say? sorry it was just something in my phone.”

“clearly, you’re always on that damn phone nowadays, who are you texting nonstop?”

i cannot tell them i’m texting beomgyu, i will not hear the end of it.

“no one, just a childhood friend i was catching up with.” good lie.

chaewon looked at me suspiciously knowing automatically i wasn’t being fully honest.

“mmm i don’t buy that, let me see.” she tried to take my phone but i quickly moved my hand and put it behind me.

“woah that’s definitely not a “childhood friend” why are you being so secretive?”

“you’re definitely hiding something ______.” yeji added.

“it’s just- ugh , you girls are gonna eat me alive.”

“aw c’mon , it can’t be that bad, give me that phone.”

i gave up and let them both see my messages knowing i couldn’t just hide it from them forever.

both widened their eyes and looked directly at me.

“are you shitting me right now?”

“HIM?!

“weren’t y’all about to kill each other that other day?”

i shushed them at how loud they were being.

this cannot get any more embarrassing.

i snatched my phone from their hands starting to blush for no reason.

“i don’t know we just started to hang out, that’s it, nothing more.”

“you could do so much better though.” yeji said .

“no no no it’s not like that i swear.”

“he’s not your type though, those baggy clothes..” chaewon said scrunching up her face making yeji agree.

“you’re right you wouldn’t fall for a guy like that, we shouldn’t worry about it.” yeji said laughing.

yeah , why on earth would i ever like a guy like beomgyu?

>>

“are you serious right now? “ i stomped my feet angrily at my brother telling me that he can’t pick me up since he got football practice after i repeatedly told him to tell me in advance if he couldn’t, but no, the mister waits until last minute to tell me. now i have no ride home.

it was a gloomy friday afternoon after ballet practice, all my friends have already gone home and i feel bad if i call them right now asking them to come back and pick me up.

who else could pick me?

of course i know.

i clicked on his contact on my phone and waited anxiously for his answer.

the phone ringed for about four times, me know thinking he wasn’t going to answer.

“hello? “ a deep voice answered . who the fuck is this?

“beomgyu?”

“yes this is me, you woke me up from my nap you fucker.”

yup that was him.

“i need your help, could you maybe pick me up from the ballet studio? long story , i just need a ride. please?” this was in fact the first time i was being polite to him.

“seriously? ugh whatever, i’m just doing this because i’ve got nothing better to do.”

>>

“awww look at you in your cute leotard.” beomgyu said teasingly from the drivers seat as i got into his car.

“shut the fuck up, i was too lazy to change.”

“what do y’all even do in there? stand on your tippy toes all day?”

this man really got the nerve.

“ like you could even do that with your lame ass skateboard.”

“someone’s mad that th- oh you’ve got to be shitting me…”

he said making me look at his direction.

i was so caught up in the conversation i didn’t even notice the huge rainstorm that was happening which flooded the street that lead to my house. now what?

“yeah no way my car’s going through that.” he said referring to the huge body of water a couple of feet away. you could even see cars stuck in it.

“just leave me here and i’ll walk, it’s not that far anyways.”

“are you dumb? you’re not doing that, i’ll just take you to my place, at least until the rain is over.”

i didn’t really have any better choice than that. so i guess to his house i go.

>>

i’ve always liked beomgyu’s house. it felt very cozy and warm. i never told it to his face though, just so his ego can get even bigger? no thanks.

“here’s the bathroom, since you wanted to take a bath.”

i told him in the car ride that i felt tired and a nice warm bath makes me feel better.

i turned on the water and filled it up to submerge myself into the hot water.

i tried my best to relax , but to ugly sensation keeps coming back to me.

even though i wouldn’t be attracted to a guy like beomgyu, he very much does.

i don’t know what it is, he’s not my type at all.

the way he moves his hair out of his face, the way he does tricks with that stupid skateboard, the way covers his scars with stickers instead of bandaids. i hate it , i hate the way he makes me feel. i shouldn’t feel like this. what would my friends say? what would his friends say?

ugh this is too much, i need to get out.

it wasn’t a long bath, but i think was long enough to make my legs feel better.

shit, i’ve got no clothes to change into.

god must fucking love me right?

i awkwardly called out beomgyu’s name hoping i don’t have to scream at the top of my lungs for him to hear me.

thankfully he did.

“can you give me some spare clothes? i kinda have nothing to wear.” i said trying to avoid eye contact as i was only in a towel.

he chuckled and brought me some shorts and a t-shirt. not bad.

“you look cute i guess.” he said going back to his bed as i walked out of his closet.

cute? what’s up with him? shouldn’t he tell me i look disgusting ? weird ?

“so um, where am i sleeping?” i asked awkwardly, gosh what’s happening to me ?

“in my bed? do you normally sleep on the floor or something ?”

“oh with you? i just thought you know…”

“oh trust me ______, nothing like that is going to happen tonight.” he reassured.

>>

it was currently 2am and the thunderstorm somehow got worse making the rain sound echo through out the house.

beomgyu and i were still awake though. we watched a movie or two and ate some fried chicken, the awkward tension that was once here slowly disappeared throughout the night.

both of us are now talking about nonsense when suddenly beomgyu gets a god awful idea.

“let’s play truth or dare “

“what are we? in middle school?”

“aww come on! got any better ideas?”

“i guess not.”

“truth or dare? “ he asked me.

“ truth.”

“dammit, pussy. anyways , um do you have a crush on someone?”

that’s a weird question…

“um i guess so, it’s probably one sided though.”

“one sided? who is it ? im curious now.”

“nuh uh, only one question, so now you truth or dare?”

he thought for a second then spoke.

“i’ll do truth.”

“and you were up my ass for choosing truth , look at you. alright then what’s your ideal type?”

he furrowed his eyebrows and took a while to respond, making me think if this was an uncomfortable question for him.

“someone that i won’t get bored with.”

huh?

“that’s all? no ‘loyalty’ ‘kindness’ or something?”

“nah, that’s all too corny knowing damn well i just want someone i can laugh with.”

okay…

we kept asking questions back and forth, each becoming more and more personal.

until then…

“truth or dare?” beomgyu asked me.

“dare.”

“i dare you to kiss me.”

my brain shut down for a second. WHAT?

“wait what?” i tried to act cool , but on the inside i was having a meltdown.

“you heard me, let’s just try it out, nothing too crazy.”

i took a good ten seconds to think over this.

i mean he’s right, it’s all fun and jokes, it’s not like we’re going to full on make out right?

i slowly leaned into his rosy lips and connected them with mine.

i didn’t expect it to feel THIS good.

he was a good kisser, he completely took over as he kept the kiss going longer than it should have.

i pulled away hesitantly even though i wanted this to keep going.

“sorry _____ , i shouldn’t have asked you to kiss me , i knew you would be weirded out by it but i just couldn’t help myself i wa- “ i cut him off by kissing him again, this time i took control , guessing be was still registering that i kissed him.

he eventually responded to the kiss putting his hands on my waist, pulling me closer to him. he slowly lowered me into the bed, being on top of me.

the kiss got more intense as he went down lower, sucking on my neck down my collarbone making me moan at the feeling.

he kept kissing lower as he reached my breast. he cupped one of them into his hand squeezing it while he left hickeys all over them.

damn he got some experience i can tell.

it didn’t take long for both of us to be completely nude , we were desperate.

beomgyu went down and slowly spread my legs.

he looked up at me and smirked before going down on me.

he started licking my slit while rubbing my clit making me bite my lip.

i entangled my hands in his already messy hair not wanting him to stop anytime soon.

“ fuck yes , just like that beomgyu.”

he moaned in response as he started sucking my clit. he then inserted two fingers in me with no warning making me yelp.

he started to move his fingers in and out in a slow moving, slowly making it faster.

god he was too good at this.

my legs closed at the sudden sensation of an orgasm and when i thought i was going to cum he took his fingers out.

“what the fuck beomgyu?!”

he chuckled and said..

“clam down princess, i can’t let you cum this easily, seems like someone’s desperate.”

i groaned in frustration and rolled my eyes.

of course he can’t stop fucking teasing me.

he then went through his night table and pulled out a condom and put it on.

he lined himself up in my entrance before looking straight at me.

“you sure you want to do this?”

made my heart warm up.

“yes , i’m sure beomgyu.” i said grabbing his head and kissing him as he went in me.

i haven’t had sex in a long time, so it was more painful than usual.

thankfully beomgyu started slow making it easier to adjust to his size.

“feeling better princess?” i nodded which gave him the green light to go harder.

the pain was long gone , now replaced with pure pleasure.

“ugh fuck yes beomgyu harder.” i moaned

beomgyu grabbed my hands and intertwined them with his as he kept kissing me.

he pulled away and grabbed on of my legs and spread it allowing him to go deeper.

no man has ever made me feel like i am right now.

i feel like a virgin that’s never experienced any sort of sexual interaction before.

i was in a state of euphoria.

i leaned forward switching positions , me now being on top.

i started bouncing on him, slapping noises echoed through the room as i went faster and faster.

i leaned my head back as i felt my climax approaching.

“shit, fuck yes baby, you look so pretty like this.” he said through moans as he rubbed my clit.

he grabbed my waist and started thrusting at an ungodly speed.

“fuck yes, gyu.”

he slapped my ass before turning us back again with him on top.

now he put both my legs on his shoulder as we both came closer to our orgasm.

my back arched as i came leaving me gasping for air.

beomgyu pulled out and took his condom off cumming on my stomach leaving him like me, out of breath.

he laid next to me for a minute in silence. leaving us to process what just happen.

“you know, i’ve always had a crush on you.” he said making me frown and look at him .

“i’m sorry what?”

“yeah, since we were in high school, all my friends knew and tried to make me go up to you but i was too much of a pussy to go talk to you, since you know, you were popular and i knew i had no chance with you.”

no way…

“beomgyu , you’ve liked me since then?”

“yes believe me, i figured the only way to talk to you would be bothering you, so that’s what i did , and you see it worked.” he said smirking .

i smacked my lips slapping his shoulder lightly.

“i guess you could now start teaching me those skateboard lessons you talked about. “

[adidastain]

love to hate you [2]

90s matt stone x fem reader (named Sadie)

warnings: arguing, suggestive themes, Matt being a bully

notes: first person perspective (I, me, my, etc.)

word count: 2311

part one here

—

Matt was standing outside my front door, wearing his heavy black corduroy jacket and picking at his fingernails. I rested my head against the door, whining and moaning. “Why?” I fake cried. “Why are you doing this to me?”

I sighed, opening the door. My hair was still on the more soaking side of damp, unruly and dripping. Matt’s eyes skimmed up and down my body, taking a moment or two longer to study my legs and my chest. I guessed he could see my nipples poking through the fabric from the cold air I was in once I left the steamy bathroom. 

“What do you want?” I asked calmly, though I wanted him to know that he was not welcome here. 

“I wanna talk to you,” he said just as calmly in response. 

Of course. “About what?” I asked him. 

“What happened earlier,” he answered. 

I narrowed my eyes and leaned against the doorframe. “And what happened earlier?” I asked, wanting to push his buttons. 

Matt sighed, kneading the back of his neck. “Can you stop being difficult for just one second?” he asked me. I could hear how tired he was from the heavy exhales he carried with each sentence. I myself could barely speak let alone think properly. 

I laughed, moving to the side to let him in. It was still dark in my apartment, so I switched on the ugly fluorescent box light above my kitchen while Matt took a seat at the tiny circular table off to the side. He looked around, analyzing all of the miscellaneous knickknacks and decor I’d placed all around my kitchen, specifically all of the magnets on my refrigerator and the things I placed on top of my cupboards that were collecting dust. Toy dinosaurs, cheap plastic volleyball trophies from when I was 13, souvenir magnets from my travels, old pictures of me in high school, and embarrassingly enough, my South Park magnet, which I’d been meaning to get rid of for reasons unrelated to my current situation. 

“Didn’t know you liked South Park,” Matt said, making himself quite comfortable by taking his jacket off. 

“Don’t play innocent, I know you’re the ‘mastermind’ behind that piece of crap,” I said, mocking him with air quotations. “One of them, anyway.”

I sat across from him, pulling my legs up close to my chest. I was quite cold. I suddenly missed the warmth of my shower. “What are you here for again?” 

Matt sighed heavily, sitting back in his chair and spreading his legs. He took his glasses off, wiping the lenses on his snug gray T-shirt, which looked to be maybe one size too small. I could see the definition of his chest and shoulder muscles, the fabric clinging to his arms and body. I swallowed, looking at his chest just a little longer. 

“I talked to Trey and we agreed to invite you back on set,” he exhaled, as if he’d been holding it in. 

“‘We’? As in Trey and you?” I repeated. 

“Yes,” he breathed. 

I rested my cheek in my palm, staring at his face until he looked away. “You want me back on set,” I repeated. 

“I agreed to invite you to come back,” he corrected me. “I want to make that very clear.”

I tsked. He was so naive. “You’re crystal, Matt,” I grinned. 

“Great. Then… I will see you tomorrow,” he huffed, standing up.

“Well, hold on a minute,” I protested, standing in front of him and briefly placing my hand on his chest. “I didn’t say whether I’m coming back or not. I need to think about it. Especially considering how I’ve been treated the past 2 months.”

“I’ll give you five minutes,” Matt sighed. “I don’t want to be here anymore than you want me to be.” 

“Can’t I take the day tomorrow to think about it?” I asked, furrowing my eyebrows and crossing my arms.

Matt glared down at me. “No. I need to know before I leave tonight. There are call sheets to be made,” he said, flashing a fake smile. 

“Hmm… ‘kay,” I shrugged, sitting back down. 

Matt stood by the door, staring at me with his hands in his pockets. I just stared back, biting my nails with my legs pulled up to my chest. He could probably see my underwear from the way I was sitting. I swore I saw his eyes dart downward towards my ass for a brief moment.

“Don’t look at my ass, pervert,” I hissed. I put my legs down, resting my hands in my lap. 

“I wasn’t,” he spat back. “Are you gonna come back or what?” 

Matt sighed, leaning against my refrigerator and closing his eyes for a moment. He had to be exhausted. I felt slightly bad for the guy. Then I remembered how much of a dick he was. The guilt was quickly long gone. 

“I might if you leave me alone and let me do my job,” I said, raising my eyebrows. I gave him doe eyes, smiling innocently and trying to be as passive-aggressive as possible. He deserved the attitude. 

“I will, okay?” Matt huffed. “Just hurry up and decide so I can go home.” 

“Are you sure? You’ve been pretty awful to me this entire time,” I stated, standing up. “Do you think you can go one whole month without abusing me on set?” 

“I was not abusing you,” he laughed, rolling his eyes. 

“What would you call it, then?” I countered, taking a step closer to him. 

Matt glared at me. He slid his fingers under his glasses to rub his eyes, exhaling heavily. He wiped his nose on the side of his hand, scratching his scruffy upper lip in the process. He said nothing. 

“That’s what I thought,” I muttered. “Give me a reason for why I should come back to work on your stupid film.” 

“Trey needs you,” He said nonchalantly. He lowered his voice, looking down at his feet. “For some reason.”

“Sorry, what was that?” I asked, leaning closer to him. I heard him just fine. I really just wanted to piss him off. Maybe if I got him worked up enough now, he could get it all out of his system, and he could leave me alone for the next couple of weeks. 

“We can’t get this fucking project done in time without you!” he said, nearly yelling at me, just like he did when he fired me. I flinched, taking a step back. “Trey got mad at me for firing you so he told me to get you to come back.” 

I swallowed harshly, clenching my fists. Pissing him off was fun, until he fucking yelled at me. I guess I had it coming. 

“You’re an asshole,” I said calmly, crossing my arms. 

“And you’re a brat. Call it even,” he scoffed, crossing his own arms as if he were challenging me. Matt looked down at me, practically towering over me. I hated that. I hated how small he made me feel, especially now. His arms and chest looked especially muscular when he crossed them. It was like he was flexing at the same time to make himself look and feel bigger than he actually was. 

“I’ll come back,” I said quietly. 

“Great. I’ll-“

“If,” I continued. “If you admit that you were wrong for firing me and treating me like shit all the time when I was only doing the job I was hired to do.” 

“You have ten seconds to decide what you’re gonna do before I leave and take this opportunity elsewhere,” Matt muttered, raising his eyebrows. 

“I already decided. Now it’s your decision. All you have to do is say three magic words. ‘I… was… wro-‘“ 

“I was wrong,” he sighed, rolling his eyes. 

I smiled, hardly able to contain my grin. I reached up to caress his face, pinching his cheek in the process. It was almost adorable to see such a stone-cold asshole of a man turn so pathetic. I swear I could see his cheeks turn pink out of humiliation as I drew the confession out of him. 

“That wasn’t so hard, was it?” I beamed, lightly patting his cheek so it wouldn’t hurt, but just hard enough for it to agitate him. 

“Don’t fucking touch me,” he spat, pushing my hand away. Matt took one last look down at my bare legs, before looking into my eyes again. He swallowed, subtly taking a small step away from me. 

“Here, take this with you,” I said, reaching behind me to grab the South Park magnet off my refrigerator. I placed it in his hand, dramatically folding his fingers over it like it was some kind of precious, sacred heirloom. His hands were very warm and felt soft. “I’ve been meaning to get rid of it.” 

“I don’t want it,” he said, seemingly offended. 

“Just take it,” I groaned. 

“You’re so annoying,” Matt huffed, pocketing the magnet and turning his back to me. “See you tomorrow.” 

“See ya,” I said, giving him a harsh slap on the shoulder as he exited my house. 

Matt gave me one last forced smile as he slammed the door shut behind him. I watched him get back in his car through my peephole. He sat in his car in my driveway for about three minutes, before finally pulling out of my driveway and driving away. I scoffed, running my fingers through my hair. I turned the kitchen light off and locked my doors back up, before going down the hallway and into my bedroom. 

Once I was in bed, my mind was already back on Matt. I smiled to myself, thinking about how I managed to get him to admit that he was in the wrong. He seemed like the kind of guy that would be especially stubborn about that kind of stuff. 

I thought about how silly he looked when he was angry. Sure, he was intimidating in the moment, but looking back, he looked kinda stupid. His nostrils would flare out and a vein would stick out of his neck, but he already looked like so much of a dork that it was honestly hilarious. 

Then he’d cross his arms and puff out his chest. He’d flex every muscle in his body to tower over you and make you feel small and minuscule. I couldn’t believe I actually let myself get bullied by a man who continually acted like a pelican having a temper tantrum. 

I thought about him crossing his arms. Specifically how it made him look so much more jacked than he actually was. Especially in the shirt he’d been wearing that night. It was definitely too small for him, but it had a school logo in it, so I guess he kept it for sentimental value. Still, it clung to his body like latex, and I swear if his waist wasn’t so small, the shirt would constantly be riding up his body every time he moved. Luckily, he was just skinny enough that the hem of the shirt was slightly baggy around where his stomach was. 

My tired mind wandered to wondering what he looked like without a shirt on. I’d seen his stomach before; when we first started shooting in late August, it was still agonizingly hot outside most of the time and he often lifted the hem of his shirt up to wipe the sweat from his face. He had a curvy waist with strong hips, and didn’t have a whole lot of hair on his body; just a little bit below his belly button that trailed down into his pants…

Fuck. 

Fuck it. I remember seeing how shiny his skin would get from his sweat. His hair was quite a bit shorter then and he didn’t have a mustache, so his curls would occasionally stick to his forehead as sweat beaded from his temples. It was gross, I know, but I remember being so enthralled by how he looked when he glistened in the Sun. My stomach would flip whenever he risked exposing his stomach just to clear his face of sweat. 

That was all before he started treating me like garbage, of course. 

God damn it. That was a month ago. 

I wondered how he would react now if he found out that the thought of him turned me on. I pictured his face vividly; eyebrows furrowed, eyes idly fixed somewhere on my neck as he processed it. Maybe his whole posture would change. His whole demeanor. 

He’d probably reject me. But, if he didn’t… maybe he would push me up against the wall and kiss me until my lips turned purple. Or maybe he’d be more gentle. That was unlikely, given how I’d found enjoyment in pissing him off lately. 

The more I thought about it, the harder I clenched my legs together. Of course I got horny thinking about the guy that treated me like shit all the time. Not any of the other guys who were perfectly kind to me and would probably be happy to share a night with me, no. I wanted the guy who picked on me for basically no reason other than to cope with his own insecurities about his professional career. 

Nope. I turned over, pulling my fat pile of blankets over my shoulder and closing my eyes, forcing myself to think about something else. I wasn’t going to let myself get sexually involved with someone who didn’t give a shit about me. That was a mistake I definitely wasn’t going to make twice. 

Instead, I focused on how comfortable I was. That was enough to put me asleep, especially paired with how exhausted I was from the day in general. I dozed off, peacefully sinking into a deep sleep. One that would put me in a lot of trouble the next morning.

[boltupbitches]

Self-Deprecating Losers - Justin Herbert

“I don’t see what the big deal is,” Justin’s girlfriend deflected, walking off towards the living room in order to avoid the possible confrontation. She was upset with him.

She knew Justin was a lot like her in that way. They both hated conflict and tense situations which led to them either talking a situation out after calming down or just bottling it. 

She knew it wasn’t healthy. Justin, who often did the same things, knew that as well.

Justin put his head down against the table for a moment. He didn’t mean to upset her but couldn’t stand how she always put herself down. He knew it was her way of deflecting praise from herself and he also knew it was a coping thing for her due to low self-esteem and anxiety. His girlfriend loved to tell jokes and make others laugh. He loved that about her. What he didn’t love was that she often did it at her own expense, often making herself the butt of her own jokes.

Justin waited for a few moments, calming himself down and rationalizing how he wanted to tackle this conversation.

He followed after his girlfriend, taking a seat next to her on the couch.

She was curled into the side of the arm of the couch, her head turned the other way with her hair creating a curtain to block her view of him.

“It’s not that I don’t love your sense of humor..” Justin started to say quietly. “I just worry about how you put yourself down so much and use yourself as a punch line for all of your jokes. I hate seeing you hurt and I know humor is the one way you can take control of uncomfortable situations. Just please stop making fun of yourself all the time. It’s a big deal because I don’t want you to call yourself ugly or stupid. You’re neither of those things.” 

She remained quiet as Justin gently placed his good hand on her wrist, trying to gently coax her attention towards him.

She looked deeply uncomfortable with having such a personal conversation. She felt like she had to raise her metaphorical hackles to get Justin to back off.

“I’m not saying it to put myself down,” She said back, her eyes avoiding his. 

“Bambi…” He said softly, breaking out his nickname for her in hopes of getting her to look at him.

It did the trick because she immediately turned her eyes to his. Her lower lip wobbled for a moment as she tried to blink back the emerging tears.

Justin pulled her into him, rubbing her back as she cried gently. “I’m sorry,” he said as she buried her head into his neck, “I didn’t mean to make you cry or make you think I was lecturing you. I just want you to see yourself the way I see you.”

She nodded and stayed in his hold, breathing deeply to calm herself down. She wasn’t sure why she was crying so much at this moment. He didn’t say anything cruel, nor did he insult her. She didn’t like to feel exposed and Justin was the one person who could see under the many layers she built up as a defense.

Finally, Bambi pulled back, wiping her eyes as she spoke, “I know… I’m just… I’m trying to not do that so much. I can’t help it sometimes. It’s just how I’ve learned to cope with stuff.” She shrugged and looked the other way for a moment before staring back at him with flushed cheeks and sad eyes.

Justin felt a tug in his heart as he reached a hand up to wipe away a stray tear that was streaking down her cheek.

“I get it. I do,” he cleared his throat for a moment to think about his next works. “I make jokes about myself a lot too. So I don’t want to be a hypocrite or make you think that I’m not aware of my own habit. Let’s... Let’s work together on not doing it so much anymore, ok?” He proposed to her with a crooked smile.

Bambi nodded and smiled back to him, “Truce.” She pressed a kiss to his lips and lingered there for a few moments before pulling back and staring into his eyes. “I guess we can both be self-deprecating losers together, eh?” She joked with a giggle.

“Yeah, I guess we can be.” Justin grinned back at her before he pressed his lips to her once more, pulling her gently down onto the couch with him. He’d do anything to make her feel loved and appreciated.

[acourtofinkandpapyrus]

A Flower With Petals of Flame: Part seventeen (Eris x Reader)

Warnings: Blood, gore, murder, death, trauma, family trauma, fighting, arguments, all the fun stuff!

Part sixteen Part eighteen

Tag list: @esposadomd

Basically, this is the most heart wrenching episode yet, and I pity all of you for having to read this.

Eris was just standing next to me, unable to speak.

Tears started to stream down my face.

Tamlin wasn’t a great person, but…

But no one deserved what she had done to him.  To him, and to poor poor Lucian.

Just because there is life after death, doesn’t mean death is nothing.  It’s painful, and will stay with you forever.

And this hadn’t been a quick death.  Tamlin had been pinned to his throne with daggers, half in his beast form and half skinned.

Lucian had been taken apart, piece by piece.

His metal eye was placed in the middle of the room, covered in blood and glistening in the setting sun.

I take a deep breath, and start walking over to their mangled corpses.  

“Y/N-”  Eris croaked out, pain in his voice.

“They deserve a proper burial.  We can’t leave them like… this.”  the words come out far more strangled and pained than I would have liked.

I started trying to take the daggers out, but Eris’s hands landed on my shoulders, gently turning me away.

My hands were covered in their blood, shaking violently as I raised them to push away from him.

“You don’t have to do this.”  He said, pulling me into an embrace as tears fell again.

“We won’t let her get away with this.���  He said, his voice hardening as I let myself relax into his embrace, letting out a sob.

I should have stopped this.

I should have known ever since I first came back here, that those Hybren soldiers were just the beginning.

And I left them all alone.

I let this happen.

Eris held me closer to him, and I felt the air shift around us.

I knew he had winnowed us away, the scent of blood lessening, even if it still clogged my nose.

He stood there with me, content to hold me as long as I needed.  Both of us are silent.

Even though he had just lost his only kind brother, he was standing here, comforting me.

“I’m sorry.”  I croaked out, still shaking.  “Your brother just died and I’m-”

“Shhhh.”  He comforted me, petting my hair.  “You need me right now.  It’s going to be okay.”

My whole body shook.  “I don’t deserve this.  I don’t deserve you.  You should hate me, I this is all my faul-”  I said, my voice watery and ugly from crying.

“No.”  He said, his voice stern, pulling back just enough to look down at me.  “Do you know how ridiculous that is?  If anything, it’s the other way around.”

I shook my head, but he grasped my chin firmly, light enough not to hurt.  “This is not your fault.”

I blinked away tears, not speaking as I stared into his grief ridden red eyes, swirling with not just hate and pain, but love.

“Say it.  This is not my fault.”  He said, his tone stern.

I didn’t say it, and he sighed, letting go of my chin and pulling me into a hug again.  “This is not your fault.”

I had calmed down, locking the emotions in a dark corner of my mind where all my unresolved shit went.

“We need to tell all the highlords.  If there’s anything that will unite them, it’s this.  It’s Amarantha.”  I tell Eris, pacing in front of the table in Eris’s private cabin.

I have no idea when the fuck he got a private cabin, but I was greatful for it right now.

“They’ll never answer our call.  Your brother maybe, but the others don’t know you, and I’m guessing my father’s not too pleased with me right now.”

I stopped pacing, my mind racing with thoughts, good and bad, when I finally settle on an idea.

An idea that might fix everything.

“What if we didn’t call the meeting?”  I asked, turning to where he was stiffly sitting in a plush couch.

He studied me.  “Then who?”

I grimace.  “What if Tamlin called the meeting?”

His eyes went wide.  “That’s a risky move.”

I shrugged.  “Well, it’s better than running around shouting that the female that trapped everyone for fifty years that everyone saw die is back.”

We just stared at each other.

“Couldn’t we just bring him back?”  Eris asked hesitantly.

I shake my head.  “We can, but I think it’s better if we leave them with Sam and the others for now.  If Amarantha is working with the Asteri, there’s a good chance she has some trap set up to see how we get back and forth.”

He sighs.  “So no contact?”

I shake my head.  “No, not for a while.”

He sighed, standing up.  “I’ll go get the pad of paper.  You shouldn’t have to go back into that bloodbath.”

I shake my head.  “I’m not making you go back in there with your dead brother.  You stay here and I’ll go and get it.”

He opened his mouth to protest, but I held my hand up.  “No.  I’m going, that’s final.”

“Can I at least come with you?”  He asked, worry swirling in his eyes.

I shake my head.  “Just- I’ll be right back.  Stay here, and think about what we can say to the other highlords.”

He nods, standing up and walking over to me.

He could sense my sorrow, but he didn’t know the whole reason, and I couldn’t tell him as he tugged me into an embrace.

We stood there for a moment before I pulled away gently, kissing him before I took a few more steps away.  “Goodbye Eris.”

And I winnowed away.

I winnowed to Velaris with only one stop in between.

I was going to kill this red haired bitch before she could even touch my family.

But there was no way we could call together a meeting of the high lords, and it was highly unlikely they would gather together at Tamlin’s summons, if news that he was dead hadn’t already reached them.

So I had to do this, even if it was going to suck.

I was running out of time.

Making my way to the River house, I stood outside the door, wondering if maybe I should go back and bring Eris here with me, damn the consequences.

I didn’t even get a chance to knock on the door as it flew open, revealing Azriel, dark and angry as his shadows swirled around him.

He quickly froze, and I watched his eyes go wide.

I forgot I was still covered in Tamlins blood, the events of the past day making me weary.

Had it truly only been earlier this day that I was pretending to be Eris’s cousin?

I pushed past him.  “We need to talk, is Rhys in here?”

He whirled.  “We do need to talk.  What the hell happened to you?”  He snarled, following me into the living room.

Everyone was in there, along with a red haired half human, half human female.

I recognised her as Bryce, and under any other circumstances, I would have been excited to meet her, and be questioning her how the hell she got here, but that wasn’t the problem right now.

All of them stared as I entered the room, and I saw Rhys open his mouth to speak.

I held up a bloody hand.  “You had plenty of chances to speak, I have the floor.”

He looked as if he was going to talk anyway, so I just spit out, “Amarantha is the third dead soul.”

Fearful silence rippled through the room.

I looked at my brother and Feyre, not sure I could handle the other’s expressions right now.

“She killed Tamlin and Lucian.  She basically told me she was going to kill everyone we care about and make us watch.”  I say, my tone flat as I look at Rhysand.

“Now normally, I wouldn’t go ringing the alarm bells, I like to handle these types of things myself, but I know what she did to the two of you.”  I say, keeping my tone cool and even.

None of them say anything, but I can tell Feyre and my brother are communicating in their heads.

Morrgian’s eye catches mine, and I freeze.

We just stare at each other.

I can see the pain and hurt in her eyes as she goes to look away.

“Whatever Azriel told you I said, there’s more to it than that.”  I say to her, and she looks back at me, her eyes a bit wide with surprise.  “I would never just… leave you like that.”

“What’s going on?”  Bryce asks in an old tongue that few use nowadays, turning to my brother for answers.

“Hello, Bryce, right?”  I ask in her native tongue.

I don’t look away from Bryce to gauge the others' reactions, but Bryce looks surprised, if not a bit happy as she answers in her language, “Yes, and you are?”

I shoot Rhys a dirty look before coming over to her, holding out my hand in greeting.  “I’m Y/N, Rhysand’s sister.  I’m not sure what he’s told you, but I’ve been dead for quite a while.”

Her eyes went wide, annoyance tinting her features as she turned towards Rhys, yelling at him in the old tongue.

I grin, but I turn my head to see Azriel scowling at me, and it falters.

Now that I look around, everyone is looking at me with either rage, hurt, or mistrust.

I don’t blame them, but it also hurts deep in my heart.  I had spent my whole alive life trying to be liked, to be someone they could love.

I hate the way I want to slip back into that role, change back into exactly what they want me to be.

But I’m not.

I turn away.  “I said what I needed to say, do what you will with it.”

Azriel grabs my arm, holding me in place.

I stare at his hand, waiting for him to let me go.  I look up at him to see him looking at Rhysand to see what to do next.

“Let me go.”  I snarl, and his shadows swirl around him threateningly.

Rhysand stands, walking over to me.

Azriel lets me go once Rhysand’s close enough, and I snarl at him, “I’m warning you now brother, I’m leaving whether you want me to or not.”

His matching violet eyes studied me.  “Even though I do not approve of your choices, I think you already know what you’re putting us through.  So I’m not going to ask you to leave Eris, but you have to stay away from her.”

I knew what he was talking about, but anger prickled in my veins at the order.

“Do not speak down to me Rhysand.  I will do what I wish to do.”  I warn, turning to leave.

He winnowed in front of the door.  “I am your high lord, and I will not let you leave until you promise me.”

I knew where this was going.  He wanted a bargain.

“I am no one's subject.” I snarl, my power starting to boil over.

“Rhysand, I suggest you let the girl leave.”

I whip my head around to look at Amren, who is the first to realize I am more than appear, and I’m not surprised.

I see a look of realization come over Nesta’s face, and she leans into her younger sister, whispering.

Rhysand growled.  “Promise me.” He snarled.

“I would rather rot in Hel.”  I say, and I hear Bryce stifle a laugh, the only part of this she understood.

I walked toward the door, pushing past my brother.

As soon as he laid a hand on my arm to stop me, I exploded.

I grabbed his arm, shoving him against the wall with the other.  I could hear everyone else either unsheathe their knives or gasp.

Rhy’s seemed shocked, but he shoved me back, and I ducked just in time to dodge a fist.

Fine.  If he wanted to duke this out, I was fucking fine with that.

I grabbed the soft velvety cloth of his jacket, winnowing him to the fighting ring on top of the house of wind and backing up, getting into a fighting stance.

“You want to fight brother?  Than let’s fucking fight!”  I shout at him, and I realize it has started to rain.

Neither of us care, and he widens his stance, his chest heaving with rage as he raises his fists.

We start to circle, and he asks, “Why?”

Right as he throws a punch, thunder rings out, deafening as I dodge, spinning around and swinging a foot out to knock him down.

He falls, and I ask, “Why what, brother?”

He gets back to his feet, wiping away blood from his mouth with the back of his hand.  “Why have you abandoned us?  For fucking Eris?”

I snarl, and dodge again, but he fakes me out, landing a punch to my exposed side with enough force to bruise.

I hiss, stumbling back before quickly regaining the fighting stance.  “I didn’t abandon you.  If you had ever bothered to stick around, you would have seen exactly how bad our father was.”  I snarl, charging him.

We grapple for a moment, and I manage to get a hold on him and throw him to the ground, pinning him there.

He snarls as his face hits the floor.  “You could have told me.”

“I TRIED!”  I shouted as he threw me off, and I rolled away and into a crouched position.

“I tried and I was sent to a fucking Illyrain camp!  Left completely alone, far enough away so I couldn’t even contact you at Lord Devon's camp.  He knew what they might have done if they found me.  He expected to teach me a fucking lesson.”  I say, standing as he stood across from me, too far away and the sky too dark for me to see his face clearly.

“I learned how to use plants to change my scent, I cut my hair, I bound my chest and I learned how to fight with the best of them.  Do you really think you managed to take out every single one of the Illyrians that wanted you dead during the Blood Rite single handed?”  I screamed, my voice rivaling the roar of rain and thunder.

I started to shake, and he stood there, still unreadable.

“I killed them! I followed you, and I cut them down before they spotted me.  I continued after the three of you found each other!  I touched that stone moments after you did, and the three of you never knew!  And how could I tell you?”

The rain washed away the tears, the only sign of my crying was the uncontrollable shaking.  “And if I told you, you would have suffered.  Father was always looking for ways to make sure neither of us could take him down.  I protected you.  I protected mom.  We died, and I have spent the whole time trying to keep the Asteri from coming here and killing YOU!”

We both just stood there, breathing heavily.

“Why Eris?”  He asked, his voice broken and full of sorrow.

I shuddered.  “Because he understood.  He has spent his whole life protecting his mother and Lucian.  Because he’s my mate and I love him.”

I look up, staring at the murky sky, the stars blocked by the clouds.  I didn’t want to see his reaction.  I didn’t want to see the look of disgust-

Suddenly, there’s a strong pair of arms wrapped around me, hugging me tight to his chest and murmuring, “I’m sorry.  I’m so sorry.”

After years of hiding, and these past months, I can’t help but to break into tears, letting him hug me.

I wrap my arms around there, and I don’t know how long we stand there, hugging each other in the rain.

Eris Pov: 

What the hell?  Was what I was thinking as I paced back and forth across the floor of the cabin.

It had been too long.  Y/N should be back by now.

Why hadn’t I just gone with her?  I had wanted to respect the space she needed, but going back to a massacre scene where Amarantha had just threatened her alone was idiotic.

So, I winnowed to where I knew where she was.

But no matter how much I looked, there was no one living here.

I left, and started to frantically search the area around.  Has she been kidnapped? Was she hurt?  If I had let her do this alone and something had happened to her, I would never forgive myself.

I heard the sounds of people, and I paused, slowly sneaking between the trees and shielding my scent.

It got louder the closer I got, and a pit formed in my stomach as I saw a army of Hybren soldiers.

Turning, I ran away, knowing there was nothing I could do until I found Y/N.

I paused after some time, and heard footsteps.  I whirled, weapon in my hand.

It was Sam, Tamlin and Lucian standing next to him.

At the sight of my brother, who I had seen dead only an hour or so ago, my weapon fell from my hand.

I rushed to him, embracing him tightly.

He was stiff at first, but relaxed into the hug, wrapping his arms around me.

“I’m sorry brother.”  I said, holding him tightly.  “I should have been there, I should have stopped her.”

I had never spoken like that to him, let alone around Tamlin.

He pulled away.  “There’s a problem.”

I forced myself to smirk and wink at him.  “When isn’t there?”

The look on his face is serious, and he doesn’t laugh.

“Where’s Y/N?”  Sam asks, his voice worried.

The worry gnawing at me threatens to come out in my words.  “She told me she was coming here.  She was going to try and pose as you and call a meeting of the high lords.”

As I say it, I realize how stupid the plan is.

“Eris, where would she go that you wouldn’t want her to?”  Sam demanded, and I’m still reeling a little.

She tricked me.

I think for a moment.  “To her brother.” Sam groans.  “We are so fucked.”

[0-solshroom-0]

I got encouragement from one whole mutual and decided i was gonna post it so here’s

roasting you based on your favorite les amis member

THIS IS A BIT AND NOT ACTUALLY MY OPINION OF YOU ITS A JOKE I SWEAR

enjolras - you really do have good intentions, but holy shit calm down the savior complex. it’s not all up to you, and you are really trying to take on too much but let’s be honest you do at least half of it for attention. and let’s be really honest you like the attention it gets you in the worst way. you probably only listen to like, mother mother now. used to be a hamilton kid TM

combeferre - you’re either incredibly anxious and not super book smart, or the most pretentious mother fucker i have ever met. you read a lot of books that make you look smart but you actually hate all of them and if it was up to you you would only read like, bad YA novels. please get a life that doesn’t revolve around impressing others

courfeyrac - calling myself out with this one, you’re not near as cool as you think you are babes. stop trying to be a whore and go to class. similar to combeferre fans, you’re either incredibly anxious or incredibly sexy in the worst way. burned out gifted kid but the kind that went fucking wild

grantaire - we get it, you’re sad. choose another personality trait that doesn’t involve you being sad please. it was almost funny at first, but now it’s annoying. other then that i love you and there’s not much else to say about you. you’re cute but you think you’re ugly and you make that very apparent.

jehan - look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t listen to glass animals and smoke weed. that’s right, you can’t. because it’s all you do. you like to pretend you’re very soft poet owo, but really you’re just as wild as the courfeyrac fans if not more and you probably don’t even fucking write poetry.

joly - a lot like jehan fans, except instead of being wild you’re just fucking weird. you pretend to be all soft and shit and then people get to know you and you’re a gremlin but not the fun kind. you probably think you’re all smart about medical stuff but you got all your information off of wikipedia and you don’t actually know anything

bossuet - i didn’t realize you guys existed but welcome to the party ig. you’re incredibly boring, there is nothing interesting about this character except he’s bald. are you bald, did you break one too many limbs and now relate to him, or do you just have really bad taste? and i love bossuet but why is he your favorite??

feuilly - (i’m trying but i don’t have very much bad to say about you guys) you probably are the type to complain about capitalism and money and then spend 300 dollars on clothes and other shit the moment you get paid, then whine about being broke. i mean, me too, and the system is definitely set up against us, but have you tried a savings account?

bahorel - i can see the appeal, but much like bossuet fans why is he your favorite? you probably had a very toxic view of masculinity until very recently, and now you project it way too much onto this character. you probably hit your friends as a sign of affection. except you hit way too fucking hard and it makes people cry when you’re not around. there’s really not a lot to say about you. you’re kind of mid but you think you’re hot shit

marius - he doesn’t even count bitch pick another one. i know you won’t because you’re “different” and “quirky” you’re definitely the friend nobody likes but everyone loves. like we love you but you bring a strange off-putting aura to the hangout and nobody really trusts you with any important information.

[stuckinapril]

hi! a post u reblogged keeps coming back to me, (the one that starts: "there really are some people who never take accountability for their actions ... and you cant change that.") and idk i just wonder how you can tell if that's actually the case or if the other person really -does- deserve to devalue you/some part of you (not speaking of you directly here, lol) and pushing back against them makes -you- the manipulative one....

i keep feeling like saying "i am __ (insert whtv, like being trans, or changing how i look) and you can't change that" is something i shouldnt do out of respect/not copying others but idk! u seem way wiser than me people wise, so that's why i ask lol

feel free to ignore this sorry, i usually hate rambling in people's inboxes and won't in the future, but my brain feels like it's on fire a little lol

Hey babe 💕 I understand where you’re coming from. I’m interpreting your words very loosely here, in the sense that by “devaluing a part of you” you just mean someone does deserve to call you out for shitty behavior. Obviously no one actually deserves to devalue you, which is an entirely different concept from calling you out. I’m pretty sure that’s what you meant, but it’s a distinction I felt is necessary anyway bc some wording in this post is giving me people pleaser haha—and I was totally there at several points, so I get the resistance to embracing this idea.

The answer to your question comes down to self-awareness. I’ve been a self-aware person my whole life—and a people-pleasing one at that. I’ve never really had a problem copping to my mistakes; in fact, I did that so excessively that I would even find myself being “the bigger person” in situations I had no business being the bigger person in. I’d literally be walking all over my own self and dignity just to appease somebody else. I guess I’m just a person who started from 0 and had to go up in terms of self-confidence lmao, so my root problem was that I had to stop myself from going “this person deserves to put me down/paint me as the bad person” in situations where I was not the bad person. Obviously if you’re someone who’s starting from 100% and has to go down to 50% to meet someone in the middle, you have the opposite issue to mine. You have too much pride to apologize, you really struggle to hold yourself accountable, you will cut people off rather than just hash things out. I was never that person.

You kind of need to be extremely honest w yourself to discern which one you are, bc I’ve seen people who suffer too much ego and yet hide themselves behind these saccharine affirmations (“I’m just not for everyone” “I’m misunderstood” “I’m just I’m just I’m just”) but it’s a bandaid on the actual problem, which is a problem within themselves they need to address. They can’t admit that they have an “ugly” flaw, so they cope by self-victimizing instead. Self-victimization can also be a form of sanitization (“I wasn’t cruel to this person; they’re just too sensitive and they don’t get my sense of humor”), which is yet another way of making something you did more “socially digestible” as opposed to coming to terms w it for what it is: genuinely shitty behavior. Luckily I don’t think I’ve ever had that flaw. Like I have an ego just like every other human being, but I’d say it takes me way less than other people to get over it and own up.

I don’t wanna paint myself as a saint btw bc my people pleasing isn’t all rooted in selflessness. Obviously it has its own selfish aspects. It can stem from insecurity, it can stem from an inferiority complex, it can stem from wanting desperately to belong, and it can even stem wanting control. For instance, believing you’re the problem in every situation gives you a false sense of control over it (“if I could just fix my behavior, this problem would be fixed too; if the other person is the problem, then I can’t fix this problem, bc it’s harder to control this person than it is to control myself. Therefore it’s easier for me to be the problem so this can be resolved faster”). I’ve had to face the uglier sides of me head on, but it’s okay!! It’s literally okay. It’s okay to quietly work through this stuff. It’s okay not to be born perfect. I know we’re living in an age of extreme sanitization rn, but I assure you it’s okay to learn to live no matter what anyone says. I dislike it when people make it seem like these visceral issues of theirs are all just a byproduct of positive aspects (“I’m just too selfless” “im just too kind!”), bc while that can be partially true, it’s usually not the entire story. And that’s okay. It becomes a problem when you don’t actively work to change for the better.

As for your second paragraph, I’m not sure what the point is? If someone is trans and someone else isn’t respecting that, they’re well within their right to assert it. This is a pretty different scenario from the one I was mentioning in that post. Hope this helps elucidate things a little bit x

[yae-energy]

sneakerhead

synopsis: yuji itadori’s top 5 go-to shoes

cw: mild cursing, converse slander

a/n: wanted to do a lil quick smth smth 😋

—

05 - converses : low tops

now, when i tell you yuji hates converses with a burning passion. i mean it.

. he hates how big they make his feet look (megumi calls him clown feet whenever he puts ‘em on LMAO)

. he hates how difficult they are to put on.

. and he hates, hates, hates, how constricting they feel on his feet.

like he dead hates them so much - and yet his closest is full of them because he just slips them on without a second thought. (cause he doesn’t put his feet in them all the way. mf treats em like slippers 💀)

not to mention they be havin some of the dopest designs sometimes. he saves his money to buy all the cool ones that come out but they’re mainly just for show and decoration.

overall score: 4.2/10

—

04 - slides

as convenient they are, he doesn’t like how he can’t just up and dip when need be.

slides are the type of shoes where he can only wear them if he isn’t expecting to be doing a whole lotta active movement. cause the second he starts to even jog them hoes will go flying off his feet LOLL, he isn’t sure if it’s a him problem or what.

all in all they’re comfy to him and he wears them as house shoes more than anything, he’d never wear them out though unless he knows he’s going right back inside.

overall score: 5.3/10

—

03 - crocs

BOYYYYYYYYYYY,,, this man loves him some crocs. so much so that it actually annoys everyone around him lmaoo

like nobara hates that he wears them so much - in public at that. she feels like those are the type of shoes you wear in private cause they’re ugly 😭 but he can’t (and won’t) stop wearing them.

he likes how comfy they are and how they feel roomy. they never feel too constricting and he can slip them on/off whenever and wherever.

PLUSS, he likes that you can decorate them and put all those little charms on them like he thinks its so cute.

he got gojo to custom make one of megumi’s dogs LMAO

overall score: 8.9/10

—

02 - vans: high & low tops (low top leaning)

yuji 👏🏽 values 👏🏽 efficiency 👏🏽

he needs to be able to put them on and get to wherever he needs to go, he’s not trynna sit there all day while he struggles to get his damn feet in the shoe (looking at you converse)

vans (low tops specifically) are ones he can easilyyy slip on and get to movin. and he doesn’t break his damn fingers trynna get the back of his foot in (again,, CONVERSE WE LOOKING AT YOU)

and they look good !!

he has almost all the limited edition ones,, and for his birthday gojo managed to find him the thrasher ones he wanted

overall score: 8.7/10

—

01 - dunks: high tops

you can’t go wrong with a pair of dunks man, they’re so simple but such a statement piece with how many colors and designs they come in.

mf has every pair of dunks known to man, like you name em and bro probably got them in his closet rn.

his personal favorites are the high-top panda dunks cause he’s had them for sooooo long, megumi and nobara have to beg him to stop because they’re quite literally falling off the bone 😭 shit’s starting to talk and everythingg, plus the laces are dirty and the shoe itself isn’t even white no more.

will wear them everywhere no matter the condition cause he just don’t gaf tbh. who gon check him about it?? (nobara will but that’s neither here nor there)

overall score: 9.3/10

—

production credits: thank you to @cosmiles for giving me this idea lwk !! mf got me thinking bout shoes and shit after them hc’s LMAOO

tags: @morosis-haze @jogeto @mypimpademia @miirene @planetlunaa @cosmiles @milesmolasses | taglist

[ryderdire]

so I promised my friends I posts these back in softmore year

This quote book features @orinmothwings @the-critic-god-of-books @unknown-box-boi @jasontheweirdsibling and @rats-in-a-trenchcoatt well as as alot of my irls Doc is in this book a lot because of circumstances of us having to spend a lot of time together and I assure you they say some wild shit

I present to you my quote book.

Are you okay?-irl 🌟

I’m gay - me

MURDER SHOES - Irl 📡

What if it was a child

I DONT CARE THROW THE CHILD OUT THE WINDOW - irl 🐸

I just don’t want to violence - Jason

I will hospitalize you SHIT WAIT MEAN

HOSPTAITLY U - me

This women looks could kill god but she is god -Box

Dem Chips - Jason

I’m not currently fit for human consumption-me again

doc:I need to tell you something

Ren: Oh gods what did you do

Doc: I DIDNT KILL ANY politicians

Ren :THAT SOUNDs incrediblely suspicious

KILL ALL LEAVES -doc

THEY STOLE IT FROM GOD”

“OH YOUR DRINKING POMEGRANATE JUICE you know what THAT MEANS YOUR GOING TO DIE”- Doc

ACat girls either have fur or hair they can’t have both-Doc

You know what I’m thinking about women <3 ren

I was thinking thinking about rats

-doc

Fuck later look first-doc

Doc: We always throw people out windows why don’t we throw people into windows

Ren:That’s how we break into places

Doc:YES THROWS REN INTO A WINDOW

Doc: BACK IN MY DAY MEN WHERE MEN AND WOMEN WHERE CARS

Ren: your gay

Box: no I’m hungry

I gotta call the murder lady - unkown person I forgot to label this

ME: WHERE ARE LESBAINS

DOC:I ate them

ME: NOOOOO

-He doesn’t have skin All hes got is nails and luck BOX about mr bones (I’m sorry box)

Your missing pretty women-irl 🌟

Who wants to help me kill god?

Entire table raises their hand

(This interaction is a running joke at this point I can’t in good conscious asgin it to one person)

How do you spell whore?????-doc

Box: I’m going to steal your heart in the least romantic way possible

I’m so jealous I wanna be a cryptid- ren

Are people who are attrated to cat boys furries-doc

HOW MUCH CAT IS This BOY— doc

Bitch why do you have this keyboard? - Jason when he stole your phone

Why the fuck is Ren so weird sometimes?- Jason also

If you drink enough, you’re gonna get drunk-

I’m dying, I’m dead, I’m in hell, Satan has given me an award forr the gayest person ever! I couldn’t do this without women- I hate you- Ren (printmaking)

Jason keeps stealing my phone and adding notes lol

Who would say that one ?

A bird -Jason

These rocks are either too pretty or too big. This rock is ugly enough

Ren:because I need to keep my gay best friend

Doc: 0;

Ren: me im the gay best friend

Doc: I’m my own gay best friend

Stop thirsting over god- doc

You don’t canoddle ren your the opposite of a canoddle I like you -the librarian on the loud speaker

WHAT

If they know theve Sinned -ren

Parental pegger -Ren

Jason :Special

Ren: COWARD L

Jason:SPEICAL

JASON: bad word English aSpecial

Jason : you don’t need to understand to see the cringe

I can lengthen my bones -irl 🐸

I don’t get bitches I make them- milo

My hair is very leggy -irl 🐸

My hair is feet - me making a typo

I’m tired of emotionally draining drama i just want to fight people

Box: bite?

Irl 🐸 and ren at the same Time: FIGHT

Me:omg gay people real

Box: of course their real have you seen yourself in the mirror

Doc: a Victorian women could pull a full ass chicken from their pocket

Doc: I’m not pregent

Irl 🙃: your pregent

Doc:IM NOT

Irl 🙃: what’s it gender what are going to name it???

BONK - headbutt from box

THE POWER OF FRIENDSHIP HOE-ren

Box slaps hand on Rens shoulders:FRIENSHIP

Ren screems

Offendedly: Whore - box to dogs with their balls

“Gay” - box

Irl 🌳:he looks Gay

Orin:HIS DAD JUST DIED

Orin: I like men who I could kill and women who could kill me im a switch

Ren: Doc. Tell my story

Doc:I’ll tell it in extradited voiceeeeee

Doc: I’m going to pick you and (no memory of what the rest of this was my bad)

Irl 🎃:NO DONT TOUCH THE LORD (referring to a rubber duck)

Pigs sure as hell can fly it’s called cops in a helicopter-me

Don’t foldle the lord in such a manner - irl 🎃 (still about that rubber duck)

you look like a gnome- doc about my mental breakdown haircut

Me: I was making fun of myself making fun of my self ):<

Rat:

Me: ):<

Rat: your mentally ill.

Doc: I wonder how someone discovered milk

Me:someone was probably horny

Me: congrats you where the last people to find out you where dating.

Orin: you know what I hate?

Ren: women

Orin:tonsil stones what the fuck

Be nice to yourself bitch (finger guns pointed at me) - Rat

Me: (in my villan ) sex….. kinda…mid ngl.

Orin:

Irl 🌕: NO don’t crusfiy the snail. ):<

Me: I don’t sleep I’m built differnt

Doc: Ren you are made of flesh bones and sadness that is 80% of the human population your not different.

Ren: that’s what a bumper sticker is

Doc:but you don’t have a girlfriend or a car

Ren: well actually

Doc: *gasp* you have a car??????

I turn down the temputre of every room I’m in

cuz ur not hot

Because I’m a ghost????? - I don’t remember who said this I promise I’m good at my job.

Orin: Is this a beautiful women or a very gay man

answer: it’s a bit in between

Doc:A large truck

Me:Correction two trucks fucking.

[glwstic]

Rec List 9: The Witcher

-  all that I've been taught and every word I've got by sugarybowl

“You know,” the old man says with a knowing smile, “if ever there was a place where you could recite and sing of Kaer Morhen, it is within her walls. Perhaps your stay will bring some lightness to all of us and not only the child and Geralt.”

Jaskier hides the stab of pain at the implication that Geralt might be glad to see him, instead he offers another simple bow and thanks Vesemir for his hospitality before fleeing into the room.

“Oh, you fool,” he whispers to himself as he falls into a nearby seat, “you bloody heartsick fool, you should have run. Why don’t you ever run?”

- - -

After a year of training Ciri in monster-hunting and Chaos, Vesemir and Yennefer agree that her education needs a boost of court politics and wordplay, which means bringing an angry heartbroken master of the seven liberal arts to Kaer Morhen.

9/9 Completed,  12,779 words

-  animal instinct by leodesic

Despite Jaskier's hard work, there are still plenty of people who hate witchers. They think they're monstrous, inhuman, only held back from violence by a thin veneer of control. One mage has a plan to spread his views by capturing a witcher and bewitching them to remove their control. When the Butcher of Blaviken walks into his hideout, he's convinced he's found the perfect candidate - and a convenient way to get rid of the pesky bard that's been singing his praises.

Jaskier is forced to agree witchers are not human, but that doesn't mean they're dangerous. In fact, he's astounded by how many of Geralt's uncontrolled impulses involve touching.

Oneshot,  13,091 words

-  from what i've tasted of desire by asweetepilogue

Jaskier's coat as a hole in it.

Oneshot,  4,727 words

-  Skin Deep by sospes

“What’s that?” Geralt asks.

Jaskier blinks. “It’s a tattoo,” he says. “Have you never seen a tattoo before, Geralt?”

Geralt fights the urge to roll his eyes. “I know it’s a tattoo,” he says. “What’s it a tattoo of?”

Oneshot,  8,135 words

-  I'd Be the Choiceless Hope by lesdemonium (winnerstick)

“Such a nice, beautiful sound,” the fae crooned. “If only he were this way always.”

Julian’s mother stood up. She claimed she was prepared to stop the fae, to protect her baby, but in Julian’s darkest moments he doubted this part of the story. His mother loved him, of that he had no doubt, but she had been young and weary, and even years later, she couldn’t quite get the twinge of exhaustion out of her eyes when she recalled Julian’s infancy. Even if she had been keen on protecting him, the fae was too close, too fast, too set on his plan.

“A gift, for the new mother,” the fae continued. He leaned a hand in to stroke Julian’s cheek. “I give you the gift of obedience.”

As a baby, Jaskier was visited by a fae, who gifted Jaskier's mother with Jaskier's obedience. As Jaskier grew older, the "gift" became more of a curse.

16/16 Completed,  45,188 words

-   Silver and Copper by Heronfem

Geralt is just supposed to pass through the quiet Lettenhove area. He's not anticipating being begged by its people to help save their viscount from a curse that keeps him from daylight. Lord Jaskier, they call him, and he's likely dying.

As Geralt struggles to untangle the ugly web of history that has lead to the increasingly complicated curse, he finds himself spending more and more time with the strange young viscount and wondering just what he might have been before the curse, and who he might be after. But things are not always as they seem, and as the curse tightens its grip on Jaskier, Geralt is forced to face the fear of failing yet another person whose choices were stolen from them.

Or-

Jaskier is kept from becoming a bard. Geralt finds him anyway.

5/5 Completed,  56,263 words

-  The Fairest of Them All by TheArtistFormerlyKnownAsG

On a quiet winter's night, a king and a queen had a child.

Oneshot,  46,256 words

-  the roads we walk are winding by shellybelle

Jaskier doesn’t actually know how much time has passed since the black-cloaked Nilfgaardians grab him after a performance in a shitty tavern in the backcountry of northern Kaedwen. He’d assumed--foolishly, apparently--that he was far enough north that any Nilfgaardian soldiers would be few and far between, likely just scouts or even deserters. It would have been hard to actually get any further north--the little backwater town where he’d been singing was just a day from the mountains. Anymore travel, and he’d find himself skirting the Trail up to Kaer Morhen, the Warlord’s Keep, and, well. He’s brazen, but not that brazen.

(or: a wandering bard bites off more than he can chew with the political ballads, accidentally makes friends with a princess in exile, and finds the Warlord of the North in his debt.)

7/7 Completed,  67,217 words

-  The Flower of the Court by aileenrose

The dream is not, Jaskier thinks, good foreshadowing for his plans tonight. The dream, after all, is about a man who King Emhyr decided had betrayed him, and subsequently had him killed. Killed in front of the court, no less, as a reminder of how quickly their fates could change according to the King’s whims. Tonight, after his performance, Jaskier plans to do just the same. Betray his king.

Jaskier, the so-called "Flower of King Emhyr's court," does not think himself a brave person. Still, he attempts to escape the King's volatile, violent court, and in doing so, stumbles into the Warlord's lands. There, he tries to determine if he is captive, pawn, or something else entirely.

6/? Ongoing, 44,605 words

-  To know you in all the ways that count by dat_carovieh

This year, Geralt doesn’t want to spend winter apart from Jaskier so he invites him to Kaer Morhen. Until he got a letter from Eskel, he did not know his whole family thought him and Jaskier are together. He can’t bring it over himself to disappoint them. They are so happy he finally found someone. So, Jaskier suggest they will pretend to be in a relationship, because there is no ways for that to go wrong.

Oneshot,  6,049 words

[ipsen]

Blank Canvas Chapter 8

Read on AO3. this chapter was cursed as hell to write (the blockage was real) but i made my deadline so HA Summary: On Sen Takatsuki being a murderer. Word Count: 4225 Chapter 9 Chapter 7 Master Post

No text.

No call.

Nothing.

It was like Kishou was never there at all.

She couldn’t reach out to him, because her number had been blocked. He wouldn’t reach out to her, because he never did. It was always her bending his ear, her approaching him, her reaching out to someone she always knew was unreachable. Lonely souls were alone for a reason.

(She didn’t want to be alone. She was terrible like that.)

She lay sprawled out on her bed, cold like concrete, with books occupying every corner that she couldn’t reach. Shelley, Murakami, Poe, Dazai, Kafka, Hakushuu— she devoured their contents wholly, unlike the half-person she was. Read, analyze, reread. A cycle that couldn’t end.

Why was it that everything she wanted slipped through her fingers like sand? Papa died, her ‘father’ hated her, and now Kishou had disappeared. 

The only constant was her.

Her, a murderer.

Her, a byproduct.

Her, a pastime.

She picked up a book at random. Her eyes glided over the words, barely taking them in. It was presumptuous of her to think she could be loved, wasn’t it? Presumptuous to think that by putting her own words out there, someone would approach her and understand. She was just so—

The door cracked open, letting a sliver of light pierce the darkness “Kiddo?” Shiono’s voice said. “You okay?”

— ugly.

She was ugly and broken, and he knew that more than anyone. He should leave her alone. Just like everyone else.

But the door opened wider instead, bathing her in brightness. She covered herself with her blanket. Don’t look don’t look dont look don’t look don’t look—

Shiono’s footsteps drew closer. “I heard you come in earlier. I’m glad you’re safe.”

Liar. He was angry. She had disobeyed him. She hadn’t listened to him about Kishou. She was terrible and stepped out of line and so should be punished.

She felt his weight sink into the side of the bed.

It would start with a barrage of ‘I told you so!’-s and ‘why didn’t you listen?’-s. He would read her thoughts out loud to her, shake her ear drums to their core until they bled with the truth. He would rip off the covers, yell right in her face. The spit would pierce her skin and infect it, and it would still be less than she deserved. She was such a—

“I’m sorry.”

What?

“I’m not a very good guardian, am I? I can’t even protect you from a bad boyfriend.” Shiono laughed, but it was a sad one. “I’m sorry I’m not someone you think you can trust.”

Why was he saying this? She was worthless. Nothing. A clump of meat slapped onto the slab of the world to be cut up and butchered because that was all she was good for. Right?

“But… I care about you, Sen.”

Sen blinked. The name she chose. A single kanji meaning ‘spring’ or ‘fountain’. Papa always loved the hot springs. He promised he’d take her one day, once they had enough money to fund a trip. It never happened.

“I want to do better, so can we talk?”

Sen slowly peeled the blanket away from her face, revealing jade eyes that glanced up at her guardian. Shiono was frowning, and concerned, and worried about her.

“Hey, kiddo,” he said, attempting a half smile.

Tears soaked her pillow before she knew it.

———

On the train, Kaneki couldn’t stop thinking about it.

It made too much sense: Fushimi’s motive in the story, Takatsuki’s ‘passing’ history with Donato, Donato’s unusual victims, the double murder in the 8th ward.

Donato had been framed, and Takatsuki was the real culprit.

The only question was: why?

Why was Donato framed? Why was Takatsuki let go? Who exactly was he working with? Not only that, but who was responsible for the framing, and why did they do it? Was it to catch Donato, with Takatsuki’s crime a convenient excuse? Were they trying to protect Takatsuki and Donato was the price? If so, then from what?

And then the second victim, Noroi… He shared Takatsuki’s last name, spelling and all. Had she killed him too, or had she only killed Kasuka Mado? Either way, why did she kill anyone? What were the circumstances that led up to it? Would Kaneki be her next—

His phone buzzed, interrupting his trail of thought. He checked the text, and a once-dormant pit in his stomach made itself known again.

From: Hina touka n kaya are busy today you still available?

He’d been so caught up in his recent revelations that he’d forgotten his destination today. He quickly replied:

To: Hina I’m heading over right now. See you then!

He put his phone away with a sigh.

It never got easier, did it? Perhaps the pain dulled, but that didn’t mean the void left was gone. You could paint over it and fill it with other things— maybe even better things— but it would still be a void. It would still be a harrowing loss. You would always be left wondering: what if things could be different?

Kaneki reached his stop and got off, heading toward the cemetery.

He hoped Hina was doing okay. She’d been tutoring at the local elementary school, if he remembered correctly, so they hadn’t had time to really meet up, especially now that he finally had a job. Time was so strange; he still remembered when he watched her stumble and struggle with the kanji in Monochrome Rainbow. Now she would be the one watching.

Speaking of Monochrome Rainbow, maybe he should have invited Takatsuki to say hi, make Hina’s day. Would that be weird, inviting your coworker/crush/possible murderer to an annual memorial visit? Not to mention the possible murderer part. Emphasis on the possible murderer part, even.

He came to a stop at a streetlight, where the shadows cast by the setting sun made it seem like it was nighttime.

He recalled when he caught Takatsuki in his arms, and the way she had stared so… owlishly at him. Almost as if she were fascinated by him. Though that couldn’t be true; he was just an artist drawing her story and giving her his input regarding composition. To think they were— or could be— anything more was stupid and senseless.

Wait, why was he even concerned about that when she could have killed someone? Shouldn’t he be more worried that he could be next on her list? If she could get away with murder and stick the Priest himself in Cochlea, who was to say she didn’t have more victims there, intentional or otherwise?

He passed the gates, hands stuffed in his pockets.

Ugh, he was thinking like Hide in college; someone too caught up in theory to take a solid stance on fact. The truth was that he just didn’t know enough, so he shouldn’t jump to any drastic conclusions. He needed more info.

That, and he felt like she wouldn’t kill someone without a really good reason. If there was one thing he’d learned about her these past few months, it was that everything she did had a purpose. Maybe that was why he was having an easy time digesting it. There was a motive, a justification— otherwise, it wouldn’t make sense, and it wouldn’t be Takatsuki.

He saw Ryouko and Asaki’s joint gravestone on its small hill beneath a cherry blossom tree. They had always enjoyed spring the most, and Kaya made sure they could continue to enjoy it long after their passing.

And there, leaning against that tree, was Hina, with her signature four-leaf clover pins holding up her hair on either side.

He remembered when they first met. A scrawny thirteen-year-old girl, whose head barely came up to his shoulders. Now she was eighteen, fully grown, and they were nearly the same height. Despite that, he could never quite not see the little sister figure who turned to him for help when she couldn’t read something.

When she saw him, her face lit up. “Ken!”

He waved as they jogged up to meet. “Hey, Hina—”

He was cut off by her tight embrace, and the pair shared a laugh. “I’m glad you could make it,” she said, pulling back. “Touka’s med school exam is today, and Kaya’s taking up Enji’s work again tonight, so…”

Again. Mr. Yoshimura was getting worse. “I see… I’m sorry.”

Her lip quirked up. “I’m sure Mom and Dad wouldn’t mind; they’re doing it to help people.”

Kaneki frowned. “True, but it’s nice to visit every now and then. I’m sure they get lonely, even with each other as company.” He scratched his cheek. “I’m sure there are some days where they get sick of each other.”

“Ha! Yeah…” She rubbed her arm. “Still, I’d feel bad asking them to make time for this now.”

“But you asked me?” he teased, chuckling.

She smirked. “Well, I had to make sure you weren’t having too much fun with your new coworker.”

Heat would have rushed to his cheeks on any other day, but this time, he just laughed nervously. “Um, thanks…”

It clearly wasn’t what Hina was expecting, and he felt the same way. “Is… everything okay?” Now it was her turn to frown. “Don’t tell me she’s—”

“N-No, it’s not that, just…” Kaneki rubbed his chin. “I’m just a little tired is all…”

She grabbed his hand and pulled it away from his chin, a defiant look on her face. “You can tell me, Ken. You deserve to suffer the least, out of everyone I know. You know that, right?”

“But it’s not that simple. Takatsuki—” He stopped himself. Don’t say it; the idea would destroy her. “It’s nothing I can’t handle.”

“So?” She took his other hand, holding both firmly in her grasp. “It’s nothing you can’t share either, right?”

“Hina…”

“I want to help you, Ken,” she said. “Like how you, and Touka, and Kaya, and everyone else helped me.”

Perhaps once upon a time, that wouldn’t have been enough. Perhaps, once upon a time, he would have shut her out, like he had done so many other times with other, more resilient people. But things were different now. Kaneki’s walls were not as thin as they used to be, and he was not as partial to as many masks.

And… he was getting a little tired of pretending.

He stopped fighting her, and after a sigh, yielded. He told her about the 8th ward, and about Noroi Takatsuki. He talked about Donato, and what he said that set Kaneki on this path in the first place. He talked about how uneasy he felt, because even though it was clear Donato wanted to mess with him, there were hard facts about Takatsuki that couldn’t be ignored.

Hina took her time to respond. Her brow knit, and she took a seat under the cherry blossom tree. It was almost like analyzing Takatsuki’s works with her all over again; they would talk about the content and the kanji readings, then discuss their own personal relations to it. Afterward, they would consult current events, see if there was anything going on in the real world that could have inspired Takatsuki to write what she wrote.

“What do you think about her now?” Hina looked at Kaneki as he sat beside her. “Do you… still like her?”

He chuckled wryly. “Of course I do… I don’t think I could ever not like her.” He glanced up at the sky, which had turned red and orange with the sunset. “That’s what makes this so hard— Am I terrible for feeling this way? Am I the horrible one for feeling almost nothing for Kasuka Mado’s family? They could have lost the most amazing person in the world, and I think I would feel the same way. That’s… awful.”

She sidled up closer to Kaneki, holding his hand. “I don’t think so.”

He frowned. “Why not?”

With her other hand, Hina drew her knees close to her. “I won’t pretend to know anything about Takatsuki, but her work… doesn’t strike me as belonging to a monster.

“You said the murder was thirteen years ago, right? That would be around when Dear Kafka and The Dropped Box were published. When I read those, I just felt this… sorrowful anger. A deep-seated loathing for the very words that expressed them…”

The child that lost their way home Forgot how to return home at all And so they wished for death once again.

“They’re works of hopelessness, and they’re full of longing that doesn’t seem achievable within the narrative. That’s why they’re tragedies.” Hina looked up at him. “Do you think someone heartless could write something so empty?”

Kaneki knew his answer from the start. “No, I don’t.”

She smiled. “Then there you go.”

He returned it gladly. “Thank you, Hina; you always help me organize my thoughts.”

She chuckled, standing up. “I didn’t do anything special; just gave you a bit of a push.” She helped him up. “Shall we, then?”

They took their time to pay their respects to Ryouko and Asaki. Afterwards, Kaneki looked around, finally noticing something. “Hey, where’s Ayato?”

Hina blinked. “Oh! H-He’s been held up by work. They’re apparently gearing up for something big this weekend, and so he’s busier than usual.”

His brow furrowed. Tatara’s play was this weekend too, and if Kaneki remembered correctly, Ayato worked on things related to lights…

He shook his head; it couldn’t be.

———

The next day, Kaneki entered Shoeisha and gave Ami a hesitant wave. It was not returned. He really should stop trying at this point.

Making his way to the sixth floor, he walked the familiar path to Takatsuki’s office, Hina’s encouragement fresh in his mind, and as he reached for the doorknob, he noticed something strange:

162 Sen Takatsuki Haise Sasaki

He paused. His hand dropped back to his side as he stared at a shiny silver plate with his pseudonym on it, and not a sticky note with it scrawled in pencil.

Why was his name there?

He glanced down the hall and happened to see Shiono walking by with a cup of coffee, who glanced back. He just gave Kaneki a thumbs up and an encouraging grin before continuing on his way.

Somehow, it was a bigger mystery than Noroi and Donato combined.

Gathering his wits and opening the door, Kaneki was surprised to see that Takatsuki had arrived before him for a change, reading one of her books with her feet propped up on her desk and wearing her favorite burgundy sweater. Today’s hairstyle, as if to contrast the low pigtails from Cochlea, was a pair of high pigtails. The ends of the two bundles fanned out and swayed around her shoulders like calming tides.

It suited her, and gave her neck a surprising amount of room to breathe and Kaneki wondered why he hadn’t shut up about it yet.

She looked up as soon as he entered and clapped her book shut, not even bothering to dogear the page like she usually did. “Haise! Good morning.”

“G-Good morning…” he greeted back, dropping his stuff on the couch. He gestured vaguely to the door. “Uh, what’s with the, uh—”

“The nameplate?” She trotted over to him, smiling. He was seeing it reach her eyes more often of late. “You like it?”

“I-I— It’s, um… It’s— I mean—” I’m sorry you wasted it on me— “i-it’s flattering, I guess?”

Her face fell ever so slightly. “Oh.”

He immediately backpedaled. “N-No, I meant—! That is to say, I just— W-Well, getting this is— I, um, okay, I— Okay, I’m so sorry; yesterday was such a long day and I have a lot on my mind and—”

“Haise.”

“I’m really really sorry and I’m honored— really, I am!— And it’s just, well, um— Look, I just wasn’t expecting you or, or Shiono to put something like it up, so I—”

“Haise!”

Surprisingly strong hands gripped either of Kaneki’s shoulders, jolting him out of his blabbering. He inclined his head to see an amused, if a bit concerned, Takatsuki looking back at him. And touching him. Well, touching his shirt, but she was touching him. Again.

“I get it,” she said, fighting a chuckle. “Do you want me to take it down?”

“Hot…” What.

She blinked, and without the cover of darkness like last time, he was forced to confront that that was definitely pink dusting her cheeks. “What?”

“Hot— i-in here! Aren’t you hot in that?” He gestured to her clothing.

She laughed almost in relief. “Your concern is appreciated, but there’s more important things to do today.”

Appreciated. “R-Right.” He cleared his throat. “A-And, um, if you could keep up the nameplate. Um, please.”

She beamed at him before rummaging through her bag. After a moment, she took out a familiar manila folder. “Check it out: Donato’s complete case file.” She handed it over to him, clearly proud of herself.

Kaneki blinked as he flipped through, feeling his heart sink anew. It was exactly like the copy he and Hide had. Crimes, trial, autopsies… Everything. Where had she gotten this?

“Had to steal some Tsukiyama-brand underwear for it, but it was worth it.” She giggled.

He hoped she was joking.

They sat down on the couch together and went through it. Like he did with Hide, he and Takatsuki found the disparity between certain victims and Donato’s preferred type. Also like with Hide, Kaneki was positive this wasn’t her first criminal case file. Halfway through, he began to wonder if he had a knack for finding the detective type.

However, there was a key difference in this investigation that differed from the one at home: Takatsuki knew far more about the irregular victims beyond the page.

“Large-scale theft of resources from Kaiko Industries, attempted excess lobbying for the JCP, smuggling of illegal goods under the Ihei name…” she muttered as they went through each file. “Each one was murdered shortly after these crimes were discovered.”

Kaneki swallowed as they looked at Nanao Yasuhisa, former president of the Sphinx trading company. He was (according to her) incriminated for selling illegal drugs to an unknown receiver based in Tokyo before he was murdered. The case regarding his trade was also closed shortly after, and remained unsolved to this day. It was a consistent pattern, one with unsettling implications.

And to top things off, the file on Kasuka Mado and Noroi Takatsuki was noticeably absent.

Kaneki’s discomfort must have been on his face, because she tapped his shoulder, making him jump. “You okay?”

He tried to laugh it off and failed. “O-Oh, it’s nothing; I just, well…” He dropped his hand from approaching his chin and sighed. “It’s just… All these people dying… It’s wrong.”

Takatsuki watched him for a bit before going back to reading. “Even if the dead person is trash?”

He frowned. He didn’t expect that response, not after what Hina had said yesterday. “I—”

“Do you know Tsuneyoshi Washuu?”

“H-Huh? Uh, not much…” He thought for a moment. “He was… the former chairman of the Washuu Task Force…?”

She didn’t miss a beat. “He was also a rapist, and his favorite targets were his in-laws and his daughters.”

“O-Oh, um—”

“He was murdered about four years ago, and now he can’t rape anyone ever again. Tell me: is the murderer ‘wrong’?”

He scratched his head. “I… Well…”

“Perhaps these people here didn’t deserve it, but let’s not pretend that there aren’t people the world is better off without.” A hint of that simmering anger she liked to hide bubbled up to her expression.

Kaneki pursed his lips. He couldn’t exactly refute her; life for lots of people would be much easier if certain others weren’t around. It was certainly a solution to rid them of their oppressors by violence and lay the grounds for improvement.

Plus, was it even right to try the diplomatic approach? That could take years, and the oppressors would spend those years continuing to oppress, continuing to let people suffer at their whim. Like Tsuneyoshi Washuu would have. His would-be victims were not victims solely because he was not around.

“It’s still sad, though,” he idly thumbed Mr. Yasuhisa’s profile, “don’t you think?”

She said ‘here’, and when she stated she had Donato’s complete case file, she implied she had Kasuka and Noroi’s file as well. It gave him a glimmer of hope.

The rigid anger in her face faltered. “Haise…”

“I-I can’t say you’re wrong, because you’re not.” He looked away. “I… agree with you too, and that makes me sad.”

He wondered what Kasuka and Noroi had felt as they died. When he wondered that, he wanted to know how Takatsuki fit in. Perhaps he shouldn’t know; knowledge could be as dangerous as it was valuable, and the change it would cause in their current dynamic would be irreversible.

“I wish we didn’t have to kill the few to save the many, even if those few are monsters,” he admitted. “But wishing won’t change anything, will it?”

But he couldn’t just leave it alone either. He wanted to know more. He wanted to see the real Takatsuki, and seeing her meant learning about her, regardless of the muck he had to sift through. There was one thing he knew, though: she wanted to help people.

“It doesn’t fill the void dug by their claws, and it doesn’t bring back the lives they’ve stolen from others.”

And if he was being honest, he agreed a lot more with her than he wanted to admit.

Surgery— a series of surgeries, to be performed over months or even years— was expensive, and if Ryouko wanted her best chance at recovery, there would be multiple undertakings. A single mother living off an office worker’s salary couldn’t hope to afford it without incurring an unpayable debt. And so she had been forced to choose: her life, or her daughter’s.

To this day, almost five years later, Kaneki wondered if she had chosen right.

He had never felt more powerless than when he held Hina close, watching the life slowly drain from Ryouko’s face. He was sad then, just as he was now, but as he considered the perspective of Takatsuki— the one person he, ironically, felt could understand him without words— he realized he had felt another emotion:

Anger.

Anger at Ryouko’s disease for festering within her. Anger at the hospital for charging an unrealistic amount. Anger at the world that deemed someone as kind as her should die prematurely or damn herself and her daughter for the rest of their lives. Anger at himself, someone who was helpless and powerless and—

Kaneki suddenly felt Takatsuki’s hand gingerly touch his shoulder, as if she was afraid he’d shatter like glass, and he flinched.

“May I?”

When he turned, she was looking at him steadily, awaiting his response. No malice; just concern for someone else.

He nodded.

Her hand reached out across his back and, slowly, pulled him closer. She shifted in her seat so that her body supported him and their legs pressed together. She rubbed his arm, quietly resting her head against his shoulder. Despite himself, he reciprocated, pressing his cheek against the crown of her head, and they sat on the couch in silence, feeling each other’s presence.

He’d always imagined that in this moment— once fantasy, now reality— he would be a fidgeting, blushing mess. A hug from Sen Takatsuki was sure to drive him crazy. Instead, though, he felt comfortable in her half-embrace, and let out a content sigh for it.

He chanced to glance at her. She was staring straight ahead at something, and judging by the softness of her smile, it was something pleasant. He decided to look at it too.

“You’re very kind, Haise,” she said suddenly. “Despite everything you’ve been through. It gives me hope.”

Kaneki gave her hope? “Um, thank you…”

“I’m serious! You should really be out there and not cooped up in here.” She chuckled with a hint of bitterness. “It feels like a waste.”

Did she… think this a waste? Writing things that resonated with people, comforted them in their lowest moments? Told them that they were not wrong for being angry or sad or lonely? Was she truly so blind to her own effects?

It seemed impossible, but as he considered it, considered himself, it didn’t seem so far-fetched. When you were alone— well and truly alone— nothing you did seemed worthy of anything. And so the cycle continued.

Before he knew it, his hand was upon Takatsuki’s shoulder, making his body mirror hers. “I don’t think so.”

She tried to scoff. “Is that so?”

“Mhm. Because I… I don’t want to be anywhere else.” He pursed his lips. “And… I kind of like being cooped up in here.”

Her lips parted, as if to say something, but nothing came out, so she closed them again, instead snuggling a little closer. She felt cold, but it was warm today anyway.

“Thank you,” she finally whispered, and this time, it wasn’t a courtesy.

———

“Unsettling news tonight as an anonymous tip claims the Torso is going to strike in the 13th ward next. The Washuu Task Force assures us that it is a false alarm, but citizens are advised to stay indoors…”

[my-illness-and-me]

I don’t know if I should even go to the funeral.

He was your father. I think you should.

I haven't spoken to him since I was four. We weren’t exactly on good terms.

Was it weird? Finding out he was dying through facebook?

It was like I was a bystander to the end of his life. When he was supposed to be my life. And now it’s created this distance with the grief.

It feels so far away, but it’s still right here on my chest.

From what you’ve told me, loving him was like that too.

The last time I thought of him was so ugly.

What did you think about?

Why he had left. I blamed him. I blamed me. Both were right.

Have you been thinking about it a lot?

I can’t stop. The last thing I ever was to him was mean.

That’s not all you were though.

I know, but the good times are more like dreams than memories now.

I thought I had buried who he was to me, but now they’re burying him and I can’t remember when I started telling that lie to myself.

You’re not lying now though. That will help.

I have so much regret in me and I wish I could bury all of it with him. But I can’t. I’m stuck with it. There’s nowhere to put it.

Do you really think you could have had a relationship?

I’m not even sure I can call him my father.

Maybe he wasn’t. But you did love him. Even if loving isn’t what you did towards the end.

But I still fucking hate him too. And whenever I catch myself hating him now, it’s like it turns back on me. I hate myself for hating him.

We don’t bury that either. Everything, all of the hate, the anger, the complication, it’s all still here too. Just heavier.

I think it’s going to crush me.

You have to go to the funeral. You can’t hold any more regret. And you will regret it.

What do I even say to my siblings?

You don’t have to say anything, but you do have to feel it.

Trust me. I am feeling it.

I know, I can see it killing you.

It’s like I’m grieving the love of my life and the person I hated more than anything else.

And that’s what you have to do, I think. Grieve everything he was. And everything he wasn’t.

That’s just so much fucking grief.

It is.

Maybe you’re right. Maybe I should go to the funeral.

Yeah. Maybe find a time where you can talk to him. Tell him everything you just told me. And everything else.

I’d be there all day if I told him everything.

Stick around after. Or find a quiet time. Trust me, it’ll help.

I don’t know if I can without falling apart.

You’re already falling apart. This is how you put yourself back together.

There are so many pieces.

And you’ll pick them up. One by One. And maybe at the end of it there’s some kind of closure.

I don’t think there is an end of this.

Maybe not, but there is still a life for you to live, It’s just not the one you were supposed to have.

I spent so long trying to tear that life down and now I want more than anything to live it .

I know. I wish I could take that weight from you.

I wouldn’t let you even if you could. It’s all I have left of him.

Then hold onto it. Just don’t let it crush you.