#like i know im gonna be rly tense but i have been doing SO much better than i was just a month ago

[frecklystars]

god im so excited for the Barbie movie today. I might be a bit tense while seeing my triggers on screen but honestly I’ve been doing so so so well handling my ptsd the last few weeks and I'm very proud of myself!!!!!

there’s a few triggers I’ve been actively working on reclaiming and I KNOW I’m going to be okay watching the movie bc I am not letting anybody take this from me. I know I’m gonna wanna see it more than once. I even bought myself a cute pink skirt for it ;w;

[cerisereids]

𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐨𝐲 𝐢𝐬 𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐞- 𝐞.𝐦. (𝐛𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐞’𝐬 𝐞𝐝𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧)

i don’t rly go here at this current moment in time but i def want to start writing for eddie more so im partaking in @carolmunson’s writing challenge!! details found here!

pairing- eddie munson x fem!reader

summary- you’re teaching eddie some baking skills ahead of your family’s holiday party. eddie accidentally lets some insecurities slip. you reassure him how much you love him.

warnings- this lowkey got kind of angsty but only for a little, insecure!eddie but we love him

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

thump.

the collision of soft cushion against the back of your head mats your hair and stops you in your tracks. you pause for a moment, hands settling on the edge of the small trailer’s kitchen. you bite your lip, almost annoyed at yourself that you find his immature behavior so endearing.

“really, eds? are you five?” you chastise lovingly, promptly returning the throw pillow exactly the same way it came.

“oof!” eddie exhales as the pillow comes into contact with his soft tummy, “i'm sooorrryyyyy," he fake whines, sauntering over to your spot in the kitchen, "god forbid i want attention from my girlfriend! didn't realize that was asking so much!"

you roll your eyes at his dramatics but sink into his chest as he encircles his arms around your waist.

"what are we making, pretty girl?" he murmurs against your temple before placing a kiss there.

"my grandmother's famous sugar cookie recipe. you can be in charge of the frosting?" you lean your head back onto his shoulder as you ask the question, your sparkling eyes boring into his uncertain ones.

he sucks in air through his teeth, "i dunno babe, i'm no good at this. in case you forgot, i burn water."

you stiffen in his arms, "don't be like that," you quip, "that's not even true! and you know i hate when you talk about yourself like that. so in case you forgot, you can do anything you set that pretty little mind to." you punctuate your little speech with a kiss to his forehead, hoping it seeps through his brain and he finally understands how amazing he truly is.

"thanks, babe," he mutters sheepishly, his humorous reserve gone, "how do i make frosting? i didn't even know it doesn't always come in cans until just now."

you huff out a laugh, "i brought my recipe book for everything," you explain, pulling out a small notebook full of your grandmother's scribbles, "so as long as you have measuring cups and mixing bowls we should be all set."

he takes a second to rummage through his cupboards, pulling out white plastic cups with faded labels on them- 1 cup, 1/2 cup, 1/4 cup, and so on.

"we don't have any like, nice measuring cups, is this okay?" he asks, voice still meek, cheeks tinted the slightest shade of pink.

“as long as we have the right measurements, i don’t care what they look like,” you flash him your sweetest smile before planting a big kiss on his cheek. you beam when his cheeks flush even deeper.

“soooo…” eddie starts, handing you two mixing bowls and taking one for himself, “who’s all going to be there this weekend?”

you could tell by the unusual nonchalance in his tone that he was nervous, but trying to play it cool. after a lifetime of harassment for being who he was, you knew that the pressure of meeting your family was resting heavy on his shoulders.

“pretty much the whole crew,” you say as lightly as possible, but you still see him tense. “eds. they’re gonna love you. i promise,” you tell him with utmost sincerity.

“really?” he scoffs, putting more elbow grease than necessary into mixing the vanilla cookie frosting, “you positive your picture perfect family is gonna be okay with you bringing some freak to their annual party?” his words have bite to them, and they make you pause. “the fact that your family even has an annual christmas party is beyond me.” he mutters under his breath.

you know what he’s doing, you’ve been here before. eddie sometimes feels insecure about the disparities of his upbringing, and you know by now that he doesn’t mean what he’s saying. his bitter words are his armor, protecting him from the vulnerability he shied away from for years. that doesn’t mean they don’t sting, though.

“eddie, if you don’t stop, we’re gonna have a problem,” you rest your spoon on the lip of the mixing bowl and turn to him, “i love you. everything about you, and my family loves me. which means that they’re going to love you no matter what, because you’re important to me.”

he’s still not entirely convinced, so you opt to pull out the big guns, “eddie. do you love me?”

his eyes snap to yours, wild and incredulous, “of course i do. what kind of question is that?”

“as cheesy as it sounds, that’s all that matters sweetheart. they’re going to see how sweet you love me, and that’s all they’ll need to know you’re amazing,” you thwart his attempts to make himself smaller, “unfortunately for you, babe, you can’t hide from me at this point. i see all of you, i know all of you, and i love all of you,” you move to wrap your arms around his middle, eyes boring into his so he can feel your sincerity.

“you-you really like that?” he chews his bottom lip, “all of me?” the last part comes out quiet, and your heart cracks in your chest.

“i love it, eddie. i love you. i swear i want to go back in time and beat up all those little assholes who made you feel otherwise,” you seal your words with a kiss on his lips, a hint of vanilla frosting dances on your tongue.

“thank you, my love,” he says when you break, squeezing you to his chest in an infamous eddie bear hug, “i love you too.”

the two of you stood there for a minute, your nails scraping at the nape of his neck as he held you close.

[takami-takami]

hello!! im rly sorry to request smth yet again lmao but would you mind doing another comfort drabble? idk life has just been really kicking my ass :")

in any case i hope ur doing well!!

-☆

Sanctuary.

includes— hawks x reader. minors dni. comfort/fluff.

warnings— gn!reader. stressed reader. long days and loving arms. keigo is good at massages.

The warm expanse of Keigo's bed calls to you, a siren's song for the ache in your bones after another stressful day. With each step, you kick off a shoe and let it plop to the floor, before planting yourself face down and letting loose a groan.

Fucking life.

Exhausting.

You deserve a break. You deserve to finally be rid of the thrumming in your head, the demands other people insist on shoving onto you. The piles and piles of trials and tribulations only chip away at what remains of your wellbeing.

Crawling further into the bed, you curl in on yourself and grip the nearest pillow in your clutch. Perhaps if you placed it over your eyes, you could drown out the world from more than just your vision; if you placed it over your ears, you could muffle the piercing sounds that ring in your head even now.

At least you have here. Right now, in the apartment of the hero you tend to call petnames more than "Hawks", the only sound you can hear is the distant drumming of water droplets against the tile of Keigo's shower. The sound is soothing, and it is nice to have a bit of alone time, but part of you wishes he'd hurry and rescue you from the swirling clouds of stress that bog down your mind.

It's become an unspoken rule between the two of you that when the world gets to be too much, you worldlessly let yourself in to the other's home in a silent plea to be doted on. It goes both ways; with Keigo preferring to let himself in through your unlocked window, and you preferring to use your spare key to get in to the sanctity of his home.

Keigo's home was always a sanctuary of solitude for him, a roosting place from the battering weather of the outside world.

And now it's your sanctuary, too.

He doesn't know how his home lasted so many years without you in it. Now, your place here is cemented in stone, a foundational brick that would cause the place to collapse if you were to ever be taken from him.

The patter of the shower slows to a halt, the sound of drip, drops getting further and further between.

Thank God.

"Oh!" Keigo stops in the doorway, mussing his hair with a towel and looking down at you. You're still lying face down. "With the lights off, too, babe? One of these days I'm not gonna see you, and you're gonna get flattened."

You snort. "Feathers, Kei'. Can't they like, sense things? Or something?"

"Not if I pretend not to notice," he answers.

You hide your smile in the sheets below. The fabric of his clothes rustles as he puts each article on, stepping up to the bed and plopping down besides you. The dampness of his hair wets the sheets below, but you pretend not to notice.

"Actually, you know what," you say, muffled into the sheets below. "Crush me. I don't mind. Can't be any worse than the week I've had."

Keigo's tongue clicks in sympathy, studying you out the corner of his eye, before he sits up and begins to massage the aches from your tense shoulders.

His hands feel like heaven, kneading each knot with practiced ease and delicate precision, wrists and fingers working their magic. He somehow knows the tensest spots and exactly how much pressure it takes to soothe them. Distantly, you wonder how much of his knowledge is firsthand.

You can't stop yourself from melting under his touch, practically purring as his hands make their way from your now-loose shoulder muscles up the expanse of your neck, then down the delicate tendons of your lower back. He's diligent, intent on not missing a single spot.

Once he's satisfied with his work, he begins to plant soothing kisses over the remains of where each knot once was.

You sit up and pop your joints with your stretch, entirely boneless and unable to hold back a relieved groan.

"You know," he starts, his tone as warm and delicate as the kisses he continues to plant on your shoulder. "Believe me, I know how much life can get you, out there. But... You don't have to do anything when you're with me. You got it? You don't have to prove anything to me."

You know trust is a precious commodity, one Keigo has by all accounts earned. He has done nothing but show you the truth lacing each word; but the message still meets a wall when it tries to make its way past your barriers.

He can hear your doubts, can see the "but" resting on the tip of your tongue and threatening to spill. So instead, he silences it with a kiss before you even have the chance to start.

"I can hear you thinking. No buts."

"Kei', I... I don't know if I–"

"Baby, please," he whispers. His hands run up your arms, squeezing gently before finding their resting place on your shoulders. "Gotta believe me, okay? Promise?"

How can you say no? How can you deny those pretty, lovesick eyes?

"Promise," you answer, planting your thanks in the form of a kiss on his lips.

Before he can lean in to greedily seek another, you place a single finger between you. He blinks.

"On one condition," you offer, resolute. "You gotta promise you'll believe me when I tell you the same."

He can't hide the smile crawling up his lips, nor the way his eyes go soft at the sight of you. "I promise, right back."

Home isn't a building you can enter through a window or with a key.

You decide this is more than enough.

[angelfagz]

how has your day been? what have you been up to? what are you interested in at the moment?

i saw your fanmail post and wanted you to know that i get a similar feeling from anons getting answered. i love you !!! and i am wishing as many well wishes as i can ❤️❤️❤️❤️

WAHHHH THAT'S SO SWEET!!!!

my moms been out today so ive just been in on the couch under a blanket watching lucky star on the tv.. its been pretty fun n relaxing =w=

as for what ive been interested in lately, ive been thinking about how much i loved resident evil 2 remake and how tightly designed and tense i thought it was, and im wishing i could play it again but honestly it was a miracle i was ever able to play it on this pc. the re engine is incredibly well optimized so even on my hunk of junk dell laptop i was able to play it on low settings and a managable (still less than 30 fps) framerate. but these days i think i have higher standards wrt putting up with things like sub 30 fps and framedrops n low graphics. i rly wanna see all the gory details. they put so much love n care into the environments of that game that after playing it like 5(?) times it honestly felt kinda homey. normally i think it's stupid to pursue photorealism in games bc it takes so long n it's not gonna age as gracefully as some other things (although some of these newer games do look really real) but i think in the new resident evil games' case it works bc you spend a lot of time in each individual environment with backtracking and interconnecting rooms n passages that all the effort put into making everything look so high fidelity doesn't go to waste. n man everything is so gorgeous. i just love the way wood looks in these games from the texture to the grain to the weathering. idk. good looking games. anyway it's funny that ive spent all this time talking about graphics n framerates when normally i don't care about that and when it's the systems that make me love the game so much anyway. i mean re3r looks similar and that game sucks lol. anyway i could go on for hours probably but ive already made this answer rly long aghxbxfgh

[i-have-bees-in-my-brain]

Personal rant or some shit bc i just wanna get this out rn. yeeeee this will be long

So today i had a vit of a stressful day with uni n all bc ive been sick and admittedly lazy over the last week up til like tuesday and i had to turn in an Interpretation/essay tonight and prepare a group presentation for tmr (saturday seminars should b illegal but ok i literally chose this). N e way so ive been procrastinating like hell up until this morning so i didnt rly eat before showing up to seminar at 12am and afterwards i had to check with my one remaining presentation groupmember and finish the interpretation and tgen i had swordfighting class at 5. I didnt Really gave time for it but its fun and im very behind bc i misses several lessons already and am generally. Not good at it lol. n e way i turn up to swords and we peactice some routines ig and heres where the peoblem rly starts. Basically i am a huge crybaby, always have been (im older than firestar btw for context), esp when i feel criticized or yknow. Make mistakes or anything and since i was a sports h8er with 2 left feet n hands all my life n cried often during school pe bc i kept messing up n git embarrassed, it was an important step for me to sign up for this uni extracurricular swords class bc. Doing sth sporty in front of others tgat. Isnt very easy and i gotta learn from scratch is a bit out of my comfort zone. But normally its all v fun, im not good/easily the worst in class but thats ok i learn and move my body and talk to ppl! Proud of myself! Well today not so kuch, i noticed i was getting tense bc of not understanding how to do a movement and everyone (3 experienced fighters bc the main teacher was sick plus 2 other beginners that r learning faster than me) lookimg at me and trying to give helpful pointers and me still doing it wrong... H8 dis feeling bc i kinda freeze up instead of being able to take the tips n try again. Its hard for me to translate input like verbal instructions and demonstsations into my own movements as is. In this state i cant do anything properly and i feel the cryings abt to start while wanting nothing more than to MOVE ON NORMALLY. Well my eye started to get itxhy n teary so i excused myself to "take care of my contacts" (lie) (why am i even so ashamed that i feel i have to lie/make up excuses?? Bro???? That just made the situation Actually cringe?????? Im normally not an ashamed person and cryings just a state/expression but idk) so it was better for a bit until it wasnt. Then i full on cried in class while 2 ppl were actively showing me things/helping me do em right n everyone else kimda watched, kimda practiced. They did ask if i was ok and i said yes like a liar. So at the end of class i normally take the bus home with one of the other new guys but i today just didnt feel able to keep talking to him. So he also asked if i was ok/why i cried and i said i just do that under stress and why i am stressed (uni) so that was also a bit of a lie but only kinda. I said i was gonna go to the livrary instead (another lie, was gonna call my bf to calm me down abit n then take the next bus) so i did tgat n it kinda worked and this genius asked if i had eaten. Bruhhh of fuckin course im sensitive ive only had 3 baked goods all day and hadnt even noticed!!!!!! So then it all made sense, mans gotta get some freakin noursishment to keep their composure in swords class! So i went to another bus stop than normally bc i needed sth from the store and bruh the guy i normally take a DIFFERENT bus with is there (awkwardly votta tell hik i changed my mimd abt the library) and we talk a bit (i feel like i talk to him wayy too much in comparison to him, like we dont know each other that well at all, idek his real name and yknow. If he actually enjoys talking to me) and yea

So now everyone in the 14th century peasant larp class knows my terrible terrible secret:))):)

[asakurahaos]

.

[meltwonu]

| 🍒 CH-CH-CHERRY BOMB! 🍒 |     [CHAPTER 19]

pairing; dom!seungcheol x camgirl!reader

this chapter’s notes; camshow, powerbottom!seungcheol, brat!seungcheol, dom!reader, restraints(handcuffs), sex toys, dirty talk, degradation, dumbificiation, spitplay, yall the way i be using DDD like i’m guy fieri in this bitch ☠️ dkjfhdskh Also, merry christmas if you celebrate it!! Happy holidays!! Be safe, enjoy your day~💕 I’d say this is my gift to yall but I update every friday, I just so happen to be uploading on christmas LOL Although, Cherry Bomb has been a gift to write 🥺!! One more chapter after this, I can’t believe it... But also first chapter of DD next week 😳 Hehe~ as always, inbox roundup this weekend! Enjoy ch 19 and have a great weekend everyone!! ❤️🍒💕

chapters; 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 - 11 - 12 - 13 - 14 - 15 - 16 - 17 - 18 - 19 - x

“Hyung… Are you… Okay?”

Seungcheol drops the set of skates in his hold; eye twitching when he turns to face both Seokmin and Jeongguk who stare back at him with a concerned gaze. “You haven’t moved from this spot in the last 15 minutes, Jeongguk was starting to get worried… And honestly, me too. You look like you’ve seen a ghost. Or three.”

“I, uh, yeah, I’m good.” Seungcheol laughs it off, shaking his head and letting out a deep breath he didn’t realize he was holding in. “It’s just… Well, I don’t wanna spoil anything but I’m just nervous for tonight.” He bites his bottom lip, remembering when you’d posted the notice to your homepage that basically sealed in the plans you had for him and really, what he had in store for you too.

The two younger males share a look, eyebrows raised. “Whatever’s got you this nervous must be good ‘cause you literally just zoned out and turned into a mannequin for 15 minutes. It was weird!” Jeongguk laughs; half in nervousness for Seungcheol and half in amusement. “Me and Seokmin snapped a few pics too. For posterity.”

Seungcheol rolls his eyes before he picks up the pair of skates again, “Okay, okay, enough with the teasing. Get back to work before Namjoon-hyung sees us all over here!”

“We could say the same to you!”

“Interesting setup…” Seungcheol mutters, eyes glossing over the vibrator, pink fuzzy handcuffs, and cockring that are neatly lined up on the bed. “Should I be concerned that this looks a little too normal?”

You laugh under your breath as you readjust your bra strap one last time before easing onto the bed yourself; patting the spot next to you. “Nah, trust me, it’s not gonna be that crazy. Now c’mere, we only have 10 minutes ‘til we need to start and you’re just standing there fidgeting like we’re about to fuck for the first time ever.”

“Damn, we should’ve done a show with a corruption kink or something.”

“Hey, it’s never too late!”

artist8hao: this looks relatively normal considering the notice

kitty_junjun has donated $75

gc__koo: yea… and considering how i found hyung earlier

alphagyu97: ???

alphagyu97: wdym

gc__koo: mans was a statue 

xcaliburDK: yea it was weird, it was like he was possessed 

sleepy_wonu: wait u work with him too??

therealchan99: wait is that why u almost quit?

xcaliburDK: can we not talk about me right now thank u

universe_WZ has donated $75

angelhan has donated $100

artist8hao has donated $50

“Well! Aren’t you all a lively bunch tonight!” You giggle softly, wrapping an arm around one of Seungcheol’s as he tenses up under your touch. “Seungcheol’s so tense tonight! Can we get some words of encouragement for him before we start~”

gc__koo: ayyyy my man its gonna be ok

hoshi_tiger_xx: think of it this way, any of us would pay to be in your position rn

tangerine_kwan: l i t e r a l l y

chwenon: its not like ur getting pegged 

chwenon: right

Seungcheol’s cheeks bloom a bright pink, wide eyes meeting yours as you laugh loudly. “Wait, is that what the vibrator is for ‘cause I--”

“No, no, no! Seungcheol’s not getting pegged tonight, okay?” Grinning, you ease off the bed and make your way towards the nightstand as Seungcheol watches you from behind.

You grab the item, smiling as you hide it from Seungcheol’s view for a little while longer.

“See, when we, really just I, decided to do this back to back camshow for the last time, I really wanted to try something new, y’know? But nothing too far out there ‘cause I didn’t wanna push our boundaries too much.” You move your hand, flashing the object in front of Seungcheol’s face as he raises an eyebrow.

“A gopro?”

Nodding, you show it to the camera, “Mmhmm~ The quality is gonna go down a bit but I think it’ll be okay! It’ll be worth it~” You set it down next to the array of toys, winking at the camera before settling in next to Seungcheol again.

You lean into his side, grabbing his arm and putting it on your inner thigh as you moan. “Thought that they’d like a new view of us, y’know? Instead of just the static view that we usually have. Now you can film me riding your cock and get a good view of it for the camera~” Seungcheol smirks as he drags his hand up your thigh; fingertips grazing against your panties as you mewl.

“So that’s the game you wanna play tonight, huh, baby? You wanna film each other up close and personal for everyone to see?”

He can feel his cock twitch in his sweats, already eager to see where this went.

“Well…” You bite the inside of your cheek, face hot as you pry his hand off of you. “Actually, I want you up by the headboard while I set up this gopro. Think you can shimmy up there, ‘Cheol?”

The male nods slowly, shuffling towards the headboard as you turn to the camera. “The stream’s probably gonna cut out for a sec while I set this up but please be patient with me, okay?” Winking, you quickly set up the gopro before cutting out the stream to fiddle with the settings and changing it so that the stream was coming from the gopro instead.

“Ah, good! It works!” You make sure everyone can see you from the smaller device before you’re rejoining Seungcheol on the bed; eyes twinkling with mischief as you hand the gopro to him before reaching for the toys you’d laid out.

chwenon: im rly curious about this

universe_WZ: i know, same

alphagyu97: fuck the angles we’re about to get with this for future shows tho

hoshi_tiger_xx: oh hell yeah

Seungcheol holds onto the gopro, making sure to film you as you hold the vibrator in your hand. “Let’s start with this first, huh?” You don’t waste a second before you’re turning the toy on and pressing it against his clothed cock.

“Oh, s-shit!” He almost loses his grip on the small camera when his body threatens to double over at the vibrations that quickly have shivers running up his spine. “Oh fuck, that’s---that’s so s-strong!” Seungcheol’s hips cant up, grinding against the vibrations when he realizes how good it actually feels.

“Strong? It’s only the lowest setting, baby. Is your cock that sensitive?” You smile; voice laced with a teasing lilt and the pieces start to fall for Seungcheol when you seem to spit his own words back at him.

“That’s h-how it’s gonna be, huh?” He grits out, jaw clenched when you raise the setting to the second highest. “F-fuck, you---”

“What? We’re playing like I wanna tonight, right, ‘Cheollie?” Licking your lips, you lean in close to the camera before your lust filled eyes meet his.

“And tonight, you’re just my dumb little fucktoy that I get to play with, aren’t you?”

Seungcheol tugs against the fuzzy pink handcuffs that keep him bound to the headboard; gritting his teeth when you turn off the toy for the third time.

“Ah, ah, ah, don’t move around too much, Seungcheol. Dumb little fucktoys should be good and stay still, right?”

“Right.” Muttering, he watches as you bring the camera closer to his cock again, filming the vibrator that you tap against the cock head; both covered in precum.

“Your cock is already so hard~ God you’re so fuckin’ easy~” You squirm a little from where you straddle his thighs; already wanting to sit on his cock but also knowing you still wanted to play with him a little longer while you had him underneath you.

angelhan: goddamn she’s so fucking hot when shes the dom???

therealchan99: the way i would pay her to choke me and spit in my mouth

alphagyu97: she could put me on a leash and i’d bark without question

You turn on the toy again, pressing it against his cock as he groans and thrusts his hips up. “Ah! We should use the last toy, before you end up cumming without my permission.” Seungcheol lets out a choked sob at the way you sound so cheery, eyes looking up towards the ceiling while you set the vibrator down in favor of the cockring.

Wrapping a hand around his cock, you work you hand up and down as you smear the precum down his shaft. “Hmm~ Bet you’d cum right now if I just sucked you off, huh?”

“Dunno, why don’t you sink your pretty ‘lil mouth down on me and find out?” He snarkily replies.

You shoot him an angelic smile; one that makes him realize he really shouldn’t have said anything when you hurriedly ease the cockring down until it sits at the base of his cock. Grabbing the vibrator again, you turn it onto its highest setting before bringing it back to his cock and holding it parallel to his shaft. “You’re so mouthy~ You should really be careful with that~”

Seungcheol lets out a sharp, shaky breath; eyes wider than saucers when he feels his abdomen tightening and the pleasure rapidly building up in his body. “W-wait, but---but, ah, h-hold on, it--it feels like I’m g-gonna cum!” He tugs against his restraints as his entire body squirms and thrashes against the bed at the sensations that flood his body.

“Ah, you really are so fuckin’ easy for me, Seungcheol~”

A weird feeling washes over Seungcheol when he feels his cock twitching; mouth open in stuttered breaths as his eyebrows furrow. It felt like an orgasm, but at this point, he can’t even tell. “Wh--what?” He lets out a drawn out groan, throwing his head back against the pillows just as you shut the toy off and toss it to the side.

“I think you just experienced your first dry orgasm, huh? Not so fun being on the other side, is it? Being played with~” You laugh teasingly, readjusting yourself until you’re grinding down onto his cock. instead. “Mmh, I’m gonna use your cock and I’m gonna make myself cum and you can’t do anything about it~ Just my own personal fucktoy watching me get off~”

You take the gopro and set it down right on Seungcheol’s chest, “Don’t move, or else.” He nods once shakily, watching as you lift yourself up and position his cock right at your soaking entrance. 

The two of you share a moan once you finally start to sink down onto his cock but Seungcheol knows he won’t actually be able to cum anytime soon.

chwenon: they rly said VIEWS on this one

gc__koo: honestly, i aint even tryna get off i just like watching knowing hyung is lowkey suffering

gc__koo has donated $100

gc__koo: its like a reward

kitty_junjun: he’ll be lucky if he even gets to cum again lbr

sleepy_wonu: oh how the tables have turned huh?

sleepy_wonu has donated $100

tangerine_kwan: wait but…

tangerine_kwan: if today was her idea and tomorrow is his…

chwenon: uh oh

artist8hao: oh i didnt even think about that

artist8hao has donated $100

artist8hao: for the aftercare funds  

kitty_junjun: dont be too hard on her!!

kitty_junjun: also breakfast on me when ur not too tired

You start bouncing in his lap, loud moans on your lips when his cock curves perfectly into your g-spot.

“Oh, fuh--fuck, your cock is so g-good! Fuckin’ hits me so, hah, d-deep!”

Seungcheol can’t do anything but grit his teeth and let you alternate between bouncing on his lap and swiveling your hips atop his own; jaw clenched tight. “Y-yeah? Your so-called sex toy fucks you g-good? I don’t even have to, ah, do anything, all I have to do is lay here and you’d cum, huh?” He smirks up at you, convincing himself he’s one-upped you when you pout and halt your movements.

He lets out a soft groan when you clench around him and you’re quick to grab the gopro still sitting on his chest before turning the camera towards him.

“Such a bold mouth you’ve got. But don’t forget, you’re the one handcuffed to the bed and you’ve got a cockring on, baby~ I can give you more dry orgasms if you’d like?” You lick your lips, “Be a good little fucktoy and open your mouth for me.”

Seungcheol narrows his eyes before obeying, lips parting hesitantly. “Now, stick your tongue out.” You turn the camera and hold it from the side; filming yourself as you let a glob of spit fall from your lips, directly onto Seungcheol’s waiting tongue.

A shiver runs up his spine when he draws his tongue back in to swallow the saliva, hazy eyes staring back up at you when he parts his lips to show you that he’s swallowed it all down.

“See? You can be so obedient. You just choose to be a brat.”

“Where’s the fun if I make it easy for you? And it’s cute watching you trying to dom me when we both know how much you like being under me.”

You resume your movements, swiveling your hips as you set the gopro back down onto his chest. “Ah, all the things I could do to you right now, ‘Cheol~ We should do this again so I can try some wax play on you… Or, hah, m-maybe even ice play? Since your body is so fuckin’ sensitive. Bet you’d be so fuckin’ cute cumming over and over and whining when the overstimulation starts to bite~”

It only takes a second for Seungcheol to mentally say ‘screw it’ before he uses all his strength to plant his feet down onto the bed and start thrusting up into you. Your body jerks on top of him, surprised noises spilling from your lips at the strength he exerts in his frustration.

“My body’s sensitive? You take one look at me and your panties are fuckin’ soaked.” Seungcheol scoffs, watching as you grab the gopro and set it to the side before it topples off of him. “I might be your dumb little fucktoy today but you’re mine too. My dumb ‘lil cocksleeve that only knows how to beg me for cock. Your pussy was made for me, baby. Don’t forget that.”

The pleasure builds inside your body as you meet his thrusts and for a second, you contemplate taking off the handcuffs and the cockring, but instead deciding to keep them on. Unless he begged.

“Fuck, S--Seungcheol, ‘m g-gonna cum~” You reach down, fingertips on your clit as you hurry to throw yourself over the edge of an orgasm. “That’s right, cum on my cock like the desperate ‘lil cock hungry girl you are.” He growls in frustration; wanting to cum but knowing he wouldn’t be able to unless you took the cockring off.

“Oh god, Seungcheol!”

Your walls flutter around his cock and he lets out a garbled moan at how good you feel when you cum; exhaling harshly at the frustration of not being able to cum with you. “That’s right, bet it feels good with my cock inside your tight ‘lil cunt, huh?”

He halts his movements just as you opt to grind down on him, fingertips still rubbing and pinching at your clit as you ride out your high. “Mmh, bet you wanna cum too, don’t you, ‘Cheol? Wanna, ngh, fill my p-pussy up with your cum like you always do~ But do you even deserve it? Or should I leave you here and let you cool down?”

alphagyu97: the energy we’ve created in the studio tonight

xcaliburDK: i know, holy shit

angelhan: i feel like i'm actually scared for this man im ngl

alphagyu97: if she lets u cum ur a lucky man

You let out a sultry moan; body filled with warmth as the last bits of your orgasm wash over you. “You’ve been so mouthy and bratty but I wanna feel you cum too, so I’ll be nice tonight~”

Smart move, he thinks.

Raising yourself off of his cock, you let out a whimper at the emptiness you feel; pussy clenching around emptiness as you settle back down onto his thighs that are slick with your wetness. “Mmh… On second thought… Why don’t you beg a little? Lemme hear how much you wanna cum~”

He feels his cock twitch and realizes you won’t make this any easier. “Fuck, okay, p-please.... Please take the cockring off so I can cum… I--I wanna cum inside your pretty ‘lil cunt, fuck, I don’t even care if you just jerk me off just---just please take it off! I’ll t-take it easy on you tomorrow, I s-swear!” Seungcheol almost accidentally spoils his ideas for his planned camshow and he quickly bites his bottom lip before he accidentally says too much.

“That was weak but it’s okay. Dumb fucktoys don’t need to think much, do they? Only good for being used like a toy~”  You pout mockingly at him before you’re easing the cockring off of him and Seungcheol lets out a guttural moan when you immediately wrap a hand around his cock and start jerking him off.

“You weren’t very nice with your words tonight so you’ll cum with just my hand.”

“Fu--fuck, that’s fine, just let m-me cum, please!”  You work your hand up and down his shaft, giggling when you already feel his cock throbbing in your hand when you run your hand from the base to the tip.

“Cum for me, Seungcheol~”

He lets out a small whine, eyes clamped shut when he finally cums and for the first time in his life, he feels himself momentarily black out with how hard his orgasm hits him. Ropes of cum hit his chest as you work him through it, alternating the tightness of your grip on his cock as he whines and moans in return.

“Ah, you’re cumming so much this time~ You’re making such a mess!” You tease.

Seungcheol can barely hear a word you say through the ringing in his ears once his orgasm starts to ebb away and he feels himself slump against the bed as he catches his breath.

His chest rises and falls in deep breaths and he feels you leaning over him to undo the handcuffs; tired sighs on his lips as he tries to focus on you through bleary eyes. He can feel his entire body twitching and he swears his arms have. gone numb from being handcuffed to the headboard. “You’re gonna get it tomorrow, I swear…” He mutters, no real threat to his tired words. 

“Hey, you said you were gonna take it easy on me tomorrow!”

“Yeah, well...” 

tangerine_kwan: yo im excited to see the sequel to this

gc__koo: i have some… ideas

gc__koo: things r falling into place

gc__koo: my brain is expanding

hoshi_tiger_xx: i feel like its gonna be intense lol

xcaliburDK: knowing hyung…

xcaliburDK has donated $100

xcaliburDK: if u call into work on monday i wont even question it

“Here, you need to drink this, ‘Cheol!”

The said male groans as he tugs a pillow into his arms, already on the brink of sleeping when you finally end your camshow. “But ‘m tired…” He whines. “Can’t we just go to bed and clean up in the morning? The cum on my chest is already dried, it won’t get on the sheets.” You roll your eyes in return, sitting next to him on the bed.  

“Oh, so now you’re being a big baby? I’m just trying to get you to drink some water and we need to get you at least a little cleaned up for bed. You can’t go to bed like this, y’know. And anyway, we need to be in top condition for tomorrow show too. We gotta get cleaned up and eat a little something.” You laugh under your breath, shaking your head as he only whines harder. 

“C’mon, I always do it for you, right?”

He nods only once before he’s sitting up tiredly; a shaky hand reaching for the glass of water you hold out to him. You immediately take notice of the slight redness around his wrists, pouting as you help him finish the glass before setting it down onto the nightstand.

“Your wrists got so red from the handcuffs, ‘Cheol… You should’ve said something if it hurt, I would’ve taken them off…”

Seungcheol grins at you, eyes unfocused with sleepiness. “Who said it hurt? I didn’t even feel that in comparison to that horrible dry orgasm you made me experience. God, it was like… Like when you have a dream but it feels real until you try to grab for something and realize you can’t?”

The two of you share a laugh as you help Seungcheol off of the bed so that the two of you could properly get cleaned up before he flopped back down onto the sheets.

“Yeah? Trust me, that wasn't even the worst I could’ve done! You’re lucky I took it easy for my first time!”  

[heleizition]

How Alfred interact with his shifter babies? Where is Barbara in all of this? Is she a shifter or human? Also, I want to know more about Tim's parents... How was they and how Tim ended up with batfamily?

ok hold on . .. i need a second . .. im thinking about alfred holding like, baby panther dick in hi arms n smilng softly,,, jst . .. give me a moment . ..... like ... hes cooking n hyerna jason who’s starting to grow jst sits beside him n tucks his head on the counter n looks at alfred like feed me and alfred is so so fond of his grandsons yk,,, of his family,,,, cries

OK SO beside that tim shifts from cat to human the first time with alfred,,, hes a safe adult in his eyes and he trusts him and its a trust alfred hasnt and wont ever betray. cass just likes to sit on his shoulder while he has tea,,, he makes her a cup and she flies over to drink when she feels like it but mostly she’s chilling. steph usually runs around and tries to pick things up to “help” alfred and he gives her lil pets,,,, duke usually feels like in the way when hes shifted and alfred is cleaning up or working around him so he usually shift back and helps and it makes alfred smile a lot even after he tries to shoo duke away bc thats His Job yk,,, duke still helps sefooefshofse

OK UM i admit i did not think of babs bc she always slips from my mind,,,, i dont have a big connection to her character,,,, im not sure if she’s a shifter yet i gotta think but i kinda feel  ,,, fox for her,,,,, if u have other suggestions im open ? i dont know much about her character sadly,,,,

OK SO under the cut is tim’s story n how he met and ended up w the bat, big tw for animal (shifter) abuse and child abuse, starvation, abandonment, umm mutilation & description of injury

tim first turned into a cat (to his parents knowledge) when he was about 4 or 5. he’d been already introduced to the world but as he was a small child they hadn’t really been showing him around everywhere so only a handful of people knew/remembered small boy tim. janet has a particular hate toward that branch in her family that can shift so she’s really jst. hating her son having it and she immediately just. decides that she just doesnt want to see him. so jack and her just start locking him in a tiny cat cage, which prevent him from turning back into a boy, feed him catfood when they remember to feed him. at some point they get him declawed (which gives him terribly vivid nightmares of human him getting his fingers torned off of his hand) and when they leave they give him a tight collar while leaving him out of the cage which prevnts him from shifting back bc the collar would just go through tim’s throat if he shifted to human.

so tim drake ends up . not existing. everyone forgets the drakes had a son, tim very rarely gets to be in human shape (which hurts at some point), and when he does his parents usually yell at him and making him feel very unwanted, going as far as throwing things at him until he jst, shifts back and makes himself as small and forgotten as possible. he stopped going to school early, but he still taught himself to read (u gotta do smth when ur stuck as a cat for years) and went through lots of his parents books (that were on bottoms shelfs bc its hard to put the books back in the right shelves while in cat form and he gets yelled at enough as it is just for existing).

so he’s like 10, and his parents have been gone for a while . and he’s rly not doing good. he’s not rly clinging to life. he’s underfed. everything hurts. his brain isn’t really reactive anymore. and hes on the wall between the drakes and the wayne’s estate dick and jason are in the garden, playing around, and he just. falls asleep. passes out from exhaustion and his body kind of giving up on him.

they hear him or see him, idk, they find him and jason shifts back, holding the small kitten in his arms and he runs inside, n they take care of him, the adress on the collar said he’s from next door,,, at this point they dont know he’s a shifter,, but when he wakes up tim’s all warm and tucked against a warm body (dick) and jason is beside them petting him gently and the second tim is awake he’s tense and trying to get away bc humans have done nothing but hurt him at this point yk,, he’s barely ever met anyone,,, he sticks to the drake’s house bc he’s terrified they’ll know if he goes somewhere else

(altho deep down he thinks they’d be happy if they came home to an empty house)

and when he wakes up. thats when dick n jay understand he’s not just a cat, he’s a shifter, n jason holds him in place to remove the collar bc he *knows* he cant possibly be able to shift to human with it,,, but even without it tim doesnt shift back, hes jst, scared cat,,,,

(”hey, it’s ok, we’re like you” jason says, in the most gentle voice dick’s ever heard him use. there is a moment of silence, where the kitten blinks, and then the familiar noise of flesh rearranging itself while jason shifts into his hyena form. he’s careful to keep his distance, laying on his stomach to make himself smaller - which helps, but not by much as he’s still huge compared to the little shifter in front of them. dick knows the lines of tension and those of exhaustion in their muscles, and remembers how they didn’t even stir when jason had carried them inside. he shifts. 

“i’m gonna get you some food, okay ?” he levels his tone with his brothers. “we should have some fruits around, upstairs. fish maybe ? if you’d like ? or something else.” he smiles that smiles only he knows how to smile. “or maybe you’d like to pick yourself ?”

the little cat manages to make themselves smaller.)

they eventually manage to feed him and hydrate him, and dick tells alfred and bruce about the little shifter while jason keeps an eye on him,,, bruce connect the drake and tim shaped dots. he remembers janet and jack rejecting a gala invitation a while back bc she had recently delivered, only he’d never seen the kid.

tim only lets jason and dick close a first, bc they’re younger, bc they’re shifters, and then alfred bc alfred always brings him food on a plate and with a fork and knife like he’s going to use them as a human. he talks to tim and pets him gently once tim allows it,,, he’s a safe adult.

bruce scares him a lot, even if he’s gentle and he’s a good dad. he’s bigger than jack has ever been, and he knows he could hurt him. he just scares him a lot. he has too much authority, too much presence.

tim shifts back into a human on is seventh day at the manor, while alfred sits with him in a little room tim had hid in. he’s a very small boy and he cries out in pain when he shifts, but alfred puts a hand on his cheek and just smiles

(”hello, my boy”)

tim is very quiet, takes a shower and shifts back before anyone else can see him,,, but slowly he lets it happen around the others. one time dick n jay wake up from a nap session to a little boy suggled between them,,, there is a lot of hurt and pain from jason bc he’s been that little boy, hurt and scared and in pain, and it brings back a lot of sad things,,,

eventually he lets himself shift into bruce’s arms on the second week and he cries a lot n bruce tells him he figured out he’s the drake’s son, and jst, h, he adopts

[mersuperwholocked-lowlife]

Back Again

Word Count: 2,613

Characters: Damon Salvatore, Katherine Pierce, Stefan Salvatore (brief), Alaric Saltzman (brief), Reader

Pairings: Damon Salvatore x Reader

Warnings: angst, death, small fluff

A/N: this is an AU where compulsion doesn’t break when you turn into a vamp,k?

A/N 2: ISUBADIYG THIS IS RLY SHITTY IM SORRY FOR SCREWING THIS UP I JUST WANTED TO POST TODAY

Masterlist

“What do you think of this dress?” you looked at the white lace dress, holding it up as you spun around, showing Damon.

“I think whatever you wear will look amazing,” Damon smiled as he leaned against the door, scanning your body.

“It needs to be perfect,” you sighed, looking in the mirror as Damon walked behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist.

“You’re perfect. That’s all that matters. Which is why I have something to ask you,” you put your gown on the chair, turning to Damon as you nodded.

“I was going to wait, but I can’t anymore. (Y/N), what would you say if I asked for your hand,” he looked at you anxiously, as you gasped slightly.

“Yes, of course, Damon!” you laughed as you smiled widely, wrapping your arms around Damon.

Damon let out a breath of relief, pressing his lips against yours. 

“I love you,”

“I love you too.”

---

“Ric! Damn it!” Damon yelled frantically, hands in his hair as he watched Alaric fall over, collapsing as he passed the Mystic Falls sign.

He knew he had to save his friend.

He ran through the barrier, as he collapsed, struggling as he felt blood dripping from his chest. He was dying all over again.

“Ric!” he called out for his friend, gasping as he saw something. His head ached, memories pouring as he remembered something. He remembered someone. He remembered you.

“Damon!” Stefan grabbed him, pulling him out of Mystic Falls, while Damon laid on the ground, gasping for air. 

“(Y/N),” he remembered you, his face going pale. 

He remembered you, he remembered what Katherine did to you. He remembered it all. 

“Stefan, do you remember (Y/N)?” Damon asked shakily, standing up. 

“(Y/N)? (Y/N)... oh my god! I forgot,” Stefan’s eyes went wide, remembering you.

“I’ll kill her. I’m gonna kill Katherine, I’m gonna find (Y/N).”

---

“Oh, Lady Katherine, I didn’t mean to intrude…” you froze, looking at her while she had blood dripping from her lips, eyes covered with black veins. 

“Oh, don’t be ridiculous. Come on in,” she wiped her lips, smirking at you while you took shaky breaths, attempting to keep yourself calm. You unconsciously wrapped your arms around your stomach, even though you knew it wouldn’t save him. It wouldn’t save your baby if she hurt you. 

You had been running around the Salvatore house, frantically looking for Damon. He was going to be a father. 

“I won’t tell anyone. Just please don’t hurt me,” you begged as your eyes watered slightly. 

“Hmm, I heard you and Damon were getting married,” she circled you, as you saw a dead body only a few feet in front of you.

“Y-Yes,” you nodded your head, your heart beating erratically.

“Oh? What’s that? I hear something,” she stopped in front of you, walking closer as your tears fell from the side of your face. 

She bent down, putting her head near your stomach while you remained still, frozen in fear. 

“You’re pregnant, aren’t you?” she stood up, putting her hands on your shoulders while you tensed, nodding slightly.

“Well, lucky for you, I don’t feel like killing babies. I have another plan for you… a more permanent plan,” before she could say anything, Damon walked to you. 

“(Y/N)? What’s wrong?’ he put his hands on your shoulders, looking at you frantically. 

“N-Nothing, Damon,” you wrapped your arms around him tightly, closing your eyes as a few tears fell, feeling safe as he held onto you. 

“Lady Katherine. We’ll see you around,” Damon nodded, holding your hand as he led you out of the room. 

---

“So, who exactly is she?” Alaric sat next to Stefan, while Damon paced in front of them. 

“She’s my fiance. O-Or was. Katherine put her in a sleeping spell somewhere, and she compelled me to forget about (Y/N),” Damon felt anger coursing through his veins, making his blood boil. 

For over 100 years, you were trapped, by yourself, unconscious. 

“When we went into Mystic Falls to get Alaric, the traveler’s spell must’ve broken the compulsion,” Stefan realized. 

“We were about to get married,” Damon sat down, holding his head in his hands, in distress. 

“I’m gonna track down Katherine, kill her, and save (Y/N). Then we’ll finally get out happy ever after,” Damon said, talking mainly to himself. 

“Well, let’s get started on finding Katherine.”

---

“Damon?” you walked in the room, confused as Katherine had her lips pressed against Damon, pressing him against a wall. 

“Who are you?” he asked, tilting his head slightly as you looked at him. 

“W-What did you do to him?” you asked shakily, looking at Katherine.

“Don’t worry about it,” within a second, she somehow appeared in front of you, gripping your arm tightly.

“I-I didn’t tell anyone your secret. I-I,” you stuttered, trying to save yourself.

“Oh, (Y/N), don’t worry about it. Come on, let’s just…” you felt a pulse of energy go throughout your body, feeling your legs giving out.

“What are you doing to me?” you asked softly, feeling yourself getting weary. 

“Goodnight, (Y/N),” Katherine held onto you as you collapsed into your arms, laying you down on the floor gently. 

---

Your eyes widened as you gasped for air, looking around cautiously. It was dark, you were confined in a small space you assumed to be a coffin.

Your body felt weak, feeling your throat dry. 

My baby

You remembered the last thing that happened, remembering Damon, remembering you were pregnant. 

You used what little strength you had, trying to push the coffin open. You felt tears sliding down your face, as you struggled, feeling pressure against it. It was buried, it had to be underground. 

You felt the air go thin, as you continued trying to open the coffin, gasping for air. You tried to yell out, as your throat only tightened, throwing you into a coughing fit as you cried.

---

“Just look for her headstone! I-If we killed Katherine, then she’s awake. She’s trapped. She doesn’t have long!” Damon yelled angrily, while he and Stefan listened carefully, trying to find any sign of life in the quiet graveyard. 

Damon stopped, hearing faint noises of someone crying. It was you.

“She’s here!” Damon ran to an unmarked gravestone, his heart beating fiercely while he began digging your coffin out. 

---

You felt the air grow stronger, as you cried softly. The coffin opened slowly, as you scrunched your eyes, adjusting to the moonlight. 

“(Y/N)?” you heard a familiar voice as you opened your eyes, looking up as you felt instant relief. 

“D-Damon?”

“Shh, you don’t have to speak. It’s me. I’m here, I got you,” he held wrapped his arms around you as he lifted you, while you hung onto him tightly.

“We need to get her to the hospital, now,” Damon said.

You could feel your head pounding, looking around in the unfamiliar sight while you felt panic rise in your heart.

---

You opened your eyes, flinching at the fluorescent lighting that hit your eyes while you looked around to the unfamiliar machinery. You were in some room of some sort.

“D-Damon?” you lifted your head, looking at him.

“(Y/N),” he held your hand, kissing it softly.

“Where are we?” you asked him.

“In a hospital,” you gave him a blank look, unsure of what to say.

“W-What’s all these… things here?” you asked, referring to the machines.

“I-I'll tell you everything, but the most important thing to know is that it’s the year 2016, and a lot has changed, but I’m here, okay?” he asked, stroking your hand.

“2016? I-It’s not 18-” you began.

“No, that was over 100 years ago,” he said softly.

“T-Then how am I alive? How are you alive?” you asked nervously.

“It’s a long story, and I promise I’ll tell you once we leave here, okay?” he asked softly.

You nodded, before speaking again.

“D-Damon, I-I was… I was pregnant…” you said softly, squeezing his hand softly.

“Y-You were pregnant?” he said, shocked.

You nodded your head softly, placing your hands over your stomach.

“B-But I-I don't know if I still am, a-and,” you sniffled.

“Yeah, y-you are,” he said.

“How do you know?” your voice broke.

“I can hear it,” his eyes watered as he looked down at you.

You felt tears rush to your eyes, as you held onto Damon tightly.

“It's all okay,” he kissed your forehead softly, stroking your back while he hugged you.

---

After Damon had told you about everything, from him being a vampire and Katherine, to all the changes with the world that happened. New technology, new vehicles. So much had changed.

“Do you remember the day that you… do you remember what happened before Katherine…” you knew what Damon was asking while you nodded your head.

“I just wanted to tell you, she compelled me to forget all about you, I would never… I loved you and,” he paused, unsure of what to say.

“Damon, I understand. I knew you would never do that to me,” you held his hands as you stood in front of him, looking down.

He smirked, as he stroked your cheek, pressing his lips against yours.

“(Y/N), would you still marry me?” he asked softly.

“Of course I would, Damon. I-I thought you’d move on by now, and-” he cut you off.

“I was under Katherine’s spell, I forgot you existed. But now I know, and there’s no one else I’d rather be with,” he said.

You felt warmth in your heart as a smell crept up your face. All you had of him were memories that went around in your head, nothing compared to him standing in front of you, being with you.

“I love you, Damon Salvatore,” you said softly.

“I love you too, Mrs. (Y/N) Salvatore,” he bowed down in front of you while you laughed, wrapping your arms around him.

---

You held your son in your arms, nursing him while you rubbed your head.

It was 3 in the morning, and he cried a lot. You could feel yourself drifting off to sleep, while you forced yourself to stay awake. Unfortunately, your body didn't agree with you, as you fell asleep, holding your son.

“(Y/N),” Damon walked into the room, seeing you asleep, with Ric in your hands.

He began crying again, almost immediately, waking you up.

“Oh,” you shot your head up.

“Go back to sleep, I got him,” Damon rushed to your side, holding your son.

“Oh, Damon, it’s alright,” you protested.

“It’s okay, I’m his dad, you know. Go to bed, I’ll put him to sleep,” you smiled softly, looking at Damon.

“Goodnight, my love,” you said softly.

“Goodnight, (Y/N),” you closed your eyes, laying on the bed, wishing you could stay like this forever. Stay with your son, stay with Damon. It was all so perfect.

---

“Morning, (Y/N),” Damon opened his eyes, looking at you, still asleep.

He chuckled softly to himself, stroking your cheek.

“(Y/N), we have a busy day filled with wedding planning. You need to wake up now,” he said softly, resting his head on his palm while he put his arm on waist.

“(Y/N),” he frowned, sitting up as he looked at you.

“(Y/N),” his face dropped, listening to your heartbeat.

“(Y/N), this isn't funny,” he got up, shaking your body.

But you remained still, you remained unconscious.

He put his hands on your head, entering your mind as he closed his eyes.

---

“Please, I’m looking for Damon Salvatore,” you ran to a random person, begging them for help.

Someone had to know where he was.

“Excuse me, ma’am, I’m looking for Damon Salvatore, can you please help me?” she ignored you, walking past you you cried softly.

“Will someone help me, please?” you cried.

“(Y/N),” you looked up, hearing a familiar voice, Damon’s voice.

“D-Damon,” you cried, rubbing to him as you wrapped your arms around him tightly.

“What are you doing here? Are you okay?” he asked alarmed, holding you.

“I-I don’t know… I tried to look for you, but everyone kept ignoring me,” you looked up at Damon.

“(Y/N), something’s wrong. This is all in your head. You weren't waking up,” Damon explained, holding your face in his hands.

“What do you mean?” you asked.

“We’re in your head, (Y/N),” you felt your face drop as you looked at him.

“What do we do?” you asked softly.

“I-I have to leave you. I have to go and find out what happened,” he explained.

He has to leave you felt your heart racing as you nodded.

“I’ll be back,” he said.

You nodded your head, as he kissed you.

“It'll be okay. Bye,” you held his hand as he disappeared in front of you, leaving you all alone.

---

You jumped up in the bed, looking around, seeing no one there.

“Surprise,” you jumped, hearing Katherine’s voice from behind you.

“Get away from me,” you stumbled out of bed, running away from her.

“Oh, come on, (Y/N), let’s have some fun!” she exclaimed, jumping in front of you, while you stumbled back.

“It was you, wasn’t it?” you said, keeping a distance from her.

“I needed to get rid of Damon somehow,” she shrugged, walking towards you.

“What are you gonna do to me?” you asked softly.

She shrugged, revealing a knife in her pocket.

“Just thinking about some fun we can have,” she replied.

“Y-You didn't… why didn't you kill me before,” you asked.

“You were pregnant. Now you’re not,” she said.

You felt tears rush to your eyes.

“Y-You don’t have to do this,” you said shakily.

“No, I really do. You’re annoying, (Y/N). With your little ‘I’m so happy’ attitude, and your picture-perfect life with a man you love, a son. You don’t deserve it,” her face tensed up, glaring at you. yeah yeah 

“Katherine, please,” you begged her, you stopped as you felt your back hit the wall.

You felt your heart beating quickly, as you made a decision.

You bit your lip, clenching your fist as you punched Katherine, running to the door as quickly as you could.

“Oh, you bitch!” she yelled.

“Damon!” you screamed, calling out for him as Katherine grabbed you, pulling you to the ground.

“Damon!” you cried.

“Didn’t think you had it in you,” Katherine said.

You could hear Damon yelling, calling your name as he ran up the stairs.

“And that’s my cue to leave. Bye,” your eyes widened, feeling the blade enter your chest as you let out a soft cry.

“(Y/N),” Damon ran to you, holding your hand.

“Damon,” you cried, feeling the blood dripping from your wound.

“H-Here, it’s okay, j-just drink my blood,” he bit his wrist, as blood dripped from it.

“I-I can't,” you cried, feeling pain emit throughout your body.

“Here, just drink it,” you cried out as he pulled the knife out of your chest.

He put his wrist on your mouth, as you drank his blood, coughing it up.

“Why isn't it working?!” he yelled.

“Damon,” you cried.

“You’re not gonna die on me. (Y/N), I just got you back,” he cried.

“D-Damon, keep him safe. Keep our baby safe,” you cried, feeling your breath leaving you.

“(Y/N),” he said softly, pressing a kiss to your forehead.

“Damon…” you closed your eyes, as your breath shallowed.

“I’ll keep him safe, I promise. I love you,” he said softly, looking at you.

“(Y/N)?” he said softly, eyes red as tears fell from them, holding your dead body in his arms.

“(Y/N).”

[babysizedfics]

the first time vee regressed in therapy (and meeting michael after)

NOTE: this is almost 2k words... so it continues under the cut. No TWs!

for the first few sessions of vees therapy with dr picani, patton is in the room with them because of vee's selective mutism, so patton hung around to help translate for vee during seasions until she is able to speak for herself, and thru these firsts sessions emile sees how attached the two are to each other

and after about three or four weeks, once vee can reliably talk for herself, patton stil sits in the waiting room so if vee needs him he's there

im their first session without patton, emile actually prompts vee to tell him what she calls her uncle patton. she says "patton" but emile is like do u not call him uncle? and she hesitates bc she definitely doesnt call him uncle but she hates lying

and emile smiles knowing that she doesnt. then he asks "are there any other names you call your uncle, vee?" because unbeknown to vee, emile actually heard her call patton "dad" one day in the waiting room

she is made rlly nervous by this question but emile assures her he isnt trying to trick her or anything, he just wants her to be honest. and after some more coaxing she whispers that she calls patton "dad" and emile is like thats lovely

and suddenly vee is teary and panicky because shes scared emile is being sacastic or will quiz her about it, but he insists that its very nice that she is comfy calling patton that and that they are so close and it makes vee feel a lot safer

but that prompts emile to start asking her about her biological father, janus. has she ever called him dad or was he always janus? does she know why that is?

vee really tries her best to stay calm and answer, but the questions suddenly get too much and before she knows it virgil goes non-verbal bc she realises she is starting to regress

emile notices vee's distress and changes his voice like softer and more clear. he asks what is wrong, he assures her they dont need to talk about anything vee doesnt want to talk about. Can you breathe with me? Good thank you, can you talk? No thats alright you dont have to. Is there anything he can do to make her feel safe?

and the soft caring words just push vee compeltely into half regression and she starts fully crying, tears spilling down her cheeks and shaky breaths and little squeaks and sniffles and tightly cuddling her softie she took with her (a lilac octopus, dr violet)

after a couple minutes of just crying and emile givinf her some space to let it out, the tears arent slowing down. so she cries " i w-wan pa-p-p-..." giving up after she realises her voice is definitely little now

"what do you want, vee?" emile prompts so so kindly that it just makes vee's chest ache

she whimpers "w-wan papa" and trails off in sobs

and emile instantly knows she means patton. he very easily rolls with this infantile behaviour, being a child therapist a lot of the time. he just sees her acting like a toddler and he immediately thinks okay time to turn on the toddler therapy, no questions asked

emile stands up carefully and speaks clear and gentle "okay vee. dr picani is leaving for just a moment to get your papa, okay? I'll be back very soon" and vee just squeaks through her tears, so he hurries out to the waiting room to fetch patton

pat literally jumps from his seat when emile calls him in saying vee is upset and practically runs through the corridor and into the office. he immediately pulls her into a one armed cuddle on the couch while emile just closes the door rlly gentle for privacy and hands a box of tissues to patton. so patton softly shushes his baby and wipes her tears away while emile takes quick notes in his book

patton is rlly quietly shushing her and comforting her, trying to be discreet. emile notices that this is obviously a common occurence, and also notices that patton seems to be holding back something

so when patton looks up briefly and catches emiles gaze, emile just smiles and speaks softly "do you know what age regression is, patton?"

and patton breathes a massive sigh of relief and hugs vee tighter "yeah... yeah we do"

and emile nods and smiles a little sympathetic looking back at vee and patton jumps right back to comforting her, not trying to be discreet this time, going full papa mode now that he has the confirmation that emile knows about regression

patton lifts a still crying vee into his lap and cuddles her to his chest and rocks her. "its alright, baby, shh shhh, papas got you" (vee still crying and grabbing pattons shirt tightly) "i know i know, baby, youre ok"

then emile adds in softly "youre doing very well vee" and patton smiles at him then repeats for vee "did you hear dr picani? he said youre doing sooo well! youre so so brave, hunnybunny"

and eventually when vee is comforted enough and the tears have stopped, emile raises his eyebrows questioningly at patton and pat talks to vee: "vee, are you ready to talk to dr picani again?"

she whimpers and grips patton tighter. "its okay babygirl, papas not going anywhere..." patton hesitstes and looks up at emile a little worried "uh, as long as thats alright with dr picani"

emile nods and smiles softly when vee peeks over her softie at him "of course. you can do whatever you want vee, if having your dad - or your papa here makes you feel safer then of course he can stay. would you like patton to stay so you can feel safer?"

vee doesnt respond but frowns and hides behind dr violet again, and emile looks to patton

patton explains gently "we need simpler language than that for her when she's regressed."

"oh my apologies..." emile starts, then tries again. "Vee?" he waits for vee to lower her softie from her eyes again to show shes listening. "Do you still want your papa?"

vees shoulders are tensed and shes hugging her softie so tight, still hiding partially behind it, but she nods a little

and so they continue with patton in the room

throughout the session she is REALLY shy of emile in this headspace but emile is just rly gentle and treats her like an actual young child while she sits in pattons lap and tries to interact with him, so emile manages to coax some stuff from her. and is shocked to find that this seems to be a headspace that actuslly allows vee to be more open and honest with him even if her language is limited

he asks her how does she feel right now? its okay if she doesnt know. is she scared? thats okay, it is very scary. she's being so brave. but is papas lap soft and warm? thats very nice! does it make her feel safe? does it help her tears go away? well thats good to hear, we dint want you to be sad. do you love papa? Can you show me how much? Woah that's a lot!!

and once vee has calmed down a lot and giggled a little at how nice dr picani is being to her, emile sees vee start to suck her thumb

unfortunately its not sanitary for her to suck her thumb in oublic since she must have touched surfaces, and pat brings her thumb away and desperately apologizes when vee whines and starts tearing up when papa wont let her suck her thumb. she dorsnt have her pretty paci so what else is she meant to do!

then emile announces in a very babytak voice. "vee, can you guess what I have in my desk drawer? Haha No, not frogs. Look!" and he pulls out a handful of lollipops! all different colours! and vee starts bouncign a little on papas lap and smiling

with a quick check that she has no allergies (egg, but there aint no egge in lollipops) emile lets her pick a flavor/color then givs it to her to suck on

patton needs to hold it for her though in case she accidentally swallows it, so her lil hands are just holdin gently on papas hand as he holds the lollipop for her and her legs are swingin, dangling down from papas lap bc she happy stims when she is eatin sweets by kicking her feet!

nearing the end of the session emile tells vee how good ahe's been answering al his questions and being well behaved for her papa. so he lets her pick a sticker to prove how good she was today!

but she doesn't want to touch the sticky or have it one her pretty dress, so patton asks her to point to her favourite and papa can pick it up for her. but shes too shy to pick one

so papa chooses one for her, a puffy pink kitty, then puts it on his nose to make her giggle. shes shy abt giggling in front of emile and buries her face on papas shoulder and patton cradles her head and coos and emile just watches all of this rly softly

and then their time is up and patton smiles and pats vee's leg and asks if she wants to be carried and she shakes her head with a proud smile. patton gasps "are you gonna be a big girl and walk on your own?"

then vees smile drops and she whines and grabs pats hand and patton giggles "no no not completely on your own. paps gonna hold your hand baby" so she nods and they get up with patton holding her hand

then patton says goodbye to emile and thanks him for being so kind to vee, and emile says "my pleasure. i'll see you next week vee!"

vee squeezes her papas hand and shuffles behind him a little. but she waves her softies tentacle at emile to say goodbye and emile smiles and waves to them "byebye dr violet, make sure you keep vee safe and happy this week!" and vee giggles and patton leads her outside

in the waiting room vee is much more closed off because theres the receptionist and a couple other clients in there so she just keeps her eyes down while papa signs them out - then she hears a slightly deep voice say "oh, I really like your stuffie"

vee doesnt really know how to react, she looks up a little and sees dark blue jeans and thick legs and vans sneakers but then quickly tugs pattons hand and steps behind him to hide from the stranger

"Thank you! It was a 'well done for going to therapy' gift from me" patton says cheerfully, and vee starts stroking his fingers as a comfort stim

"aw that's sweet!" the stranger says just as joyful as patton... so vee feels okay looking up now that she knows this stranger wasnt trying to make fun of her

she only catches some shaggy brown hair and a tshirt with what looks like a horror film image on it that she doesnt recognise. she doesnt dare make eye contact but she can tell the stranger is smiling at her

and she cant talk, shes too little, but shes not little enough to not understand whats happening. so she lets go of pattons hand bruefly to sign "thank you" then quickly grabs his hand again, feeling her cheeks warm and looking back to the ground

"you're welcome!" the stranger says, still happy, so vee smiles a little, then tugs pattons hand and looks up at him pleadingly

patton is beaming, his cheeks bunched in the biggest smile. "ready to go, sweetie?" vee nods "okay, here we go. It was lovely meeting you..."

"michael!"

"michael" patton smiles and holds out his other hand to shake michaels hand. "im patton and this is vee! have a good night!"

"you too, patton!" michael bids as patton and vee start walking away. then the voice soeaks again "bye vee!"

vee doesnt respond but she smiles and pulls dr violet up to hide it

patton leads her out to the parking lot and as he buckles her seatbelt for her he presses a big kiss to her cheek "im so so proud of you, babygirl"

and the whole ride home patton speaks softly and recaps what was good about theraoy this week. he does it to reinforce with vee that this is a good thing to do.

he talks about how lovely dr picani was and how he already knew what regression was. he talks about how funny his jokes were and how much she giggled. and her lollipop and her sticker - which they just realised was still on pattons nose and laughed about. and he talked about the lovely boy in the waiting room who liked vee's softie!

and the whole time vee is smiling and giggling and blushing and getting closer to full regression so that when they get home vee is just a bouncy wiggly giggly baby all night

[mychemicalaromanticism]

things ive already established r on this post

besties this got so fucking long but heres a giant ramble about cherri

okay so. there are huge differences betwn cherri as a hyperviolent drac hunter and cherri as a friend of the four and cherri as the girls mentor. with the first one he was 17 and desperate to distance himself from his upbringing so he went all in on Being A Killjoy. he was always one of the first ppl to rush into a fight and he fought hard. he blew up his fuckin hand with that attitude. and all the while he was just racking up more unaddressed trauma and eventually he ran away from that, too. giving himself radiation poisoning was more appealing than facing his problems.

so as a teenager/young adult hes kind of constantly in a panicked state. hes scared the people from his past are going to find him and drag him back with them. so he lashes out and he runs away over and over again.

i said in another post that he has some past life shit goin on which usually would give him a connection to the witch that manifests early in life, but with all the stuff hes gone through he has been Preoccupied. he can become oblivious to almost anything that doesnt apply to whatever hes focused on. not in a hyperfocus way its likeeeeee. when u live on survival mode during prolonged periods of stress. hes immune to magic bullshit bc hes too tired and scared.

anyways around his mid-20s he finally has a little more stability (as much as the average person living in the zones can have, that is) and he finally notices that Weird Stuff happens around him. basically: out of my list of Powers People Connected To The Witch Have he has the prophetic dreams/enhanced intuition as well as a form of sensing ghosts where he can see auras and kind of like, echoes of past events in ppls lives. that look like auras. itz complicated and not of utmost importance so im leaving it at that.

anyways thats what makes him start writing poetry. just 4 funsies he'll describe his weird experiences and embellish them to make em pretty. just as a casual hobby n all that.

he would forget fun ghoul in between the times they ran into each other but its pretty easy to be reminded of who fun ghoul is. the most insane 10 year old cherri has ever met. cherri isnt a brother figure to ghoul. hes just. his friend that happens to be more than twice his age. its whatever lmao

to cherri, ghoul is kinda like a stray animal he keeps seeing. which is hilarious. ghoul actually goes and finds him to introduce him to jet when they start running together, and cherri meets party and kobra (spark and birdie at the time) when he drives the four of them to a party. because he has a truck hell yeah. so now instead of one stray animal he has, like, a feral cat colony that he drives around occasionally. i have no real-life human relationship equivalent to them because irl if some guy that is not related to any of you and isnt even a childhood or family friend and theyre hanging out with you? they are usually not a safe person lmao. but this is my fantasy land and im too stubborn to change anyones birth years even though ghoul being born in 2004 makes everything really hard to make not creepy.

so yeah hes a casual somewhat friend of the fab four. hed probably get more and more concerned as they got famous. the beginnings of any sort of protective feelings, awww :) that sets him up for becoming the girls mentor.

OH FUCK. THE GIRL..... i think if i was in my late 20s and i heard that the gang of 13-17 year olds had adopted a 5 year old kid i would go bananas. what the fuck. it is a LONG while before cherri meets her. but he has the strongest affection for ghoul (if you could even call it that) and ghoul absolutely adores the girl and swings her around under her arms like a cat to show her off to cherri and its very endearing and the girl is sweet and funny so its easy to be around her. and (unfortunately) she is somewhat used to interacting with weird easily agitated people so she kinda gives him space. cherri isnt quite the uncle figure the fandom usually makes him (i luv uncle cherri sm but he simply cannot exist in the universe ive created, f), but hes a little similar.

and then the four had to go and pretend to die. lol.

when the girl was kidnapped, fucking everyone who knew her was ready to storm the city then and there. like regardless of how little you knew her, if you had ever met her you would fucking die for her. she is pure childish charisma and shes precious. i love the girl. so cherris immediately on board with whatever plan the four make to get her back. ive already talked abt how it fucked up the girl tho; there was no way to tell her that the four werent actually dead, she sees the building collapse and she shuts down. and cherri has to fight against his instinct to leave the radio station and never come back when he sees an eight year old girl sitting dissociated on the couch. that fucks everyone up.

i just realized i havent talked about literally anyone else at the radio station. i think cherri started lingering around the station bc it was safe and sheltered while also not being a popular spot. there are less kids there (people pass through but its not a hangout spot). he was kind of just hanging around to get away from the heat and noise and dr d took notice. because that man can see ur soul and no one knows if thats literal or not. so theyd chat a few times a day and show pony was the one 2 get him out of his shell a little and also was the first one he mentioned his poetry hobby to. im making this all up right now as im writing bc i dont know anything about LITERALLY any of the ppl associated w the radio like im not even going 2 try with chimp n newsie i do not have the willpower to tackle all that. justttt. cherri pony n D become bros and live 2gether there.

back 2 the regular timeline. the rescue mission happens in 2019. the girl lives at the station until 2023. during that time she is very much depressed and withdrawn and is only happy when the four come to visit. none of the Adults know how to help her so they just keep her safe and cared for and hope she'll open up to them.

she does not. she takes the weird cat thats been hanging around and she runs away.

cherri does not see her for three years. shes still worse for wear in the mental health department and he can see all kinds of visions of what shes been through since the last time he saw her and he fucking hates the ultra vs bc they remind him of his past. he does not want her going down that path but its obvious that she isnt crazy abt the ultraviolence thing either so thats a relief.

they have a kind of tense relationship throughout the comics. he feels like he failed her and that spirals into feeling like he failed the four for not being a good adult to them and fun ghoul for not helping enough when his commune was bombed and all kinds of shit and that irrational thinking mixed with plain old, yknow, caring about the girl, is what makes him take a bullet (laser. whatever) for her.

i was trying to figure out the timing of each of their ghost experiences, but i want both of them to talk to the witch and im just gonna make it like dreams where a whole buncha stuff happens but irl its been like seconds. so its like barely a second while the girl has her Witch Convo and cherri FINALLY gets a straight answer, yes there is weird shit going on with him having powers. he doesnt have any story-significant past lives because im lazy, hes just an old soul. like really fuckin old. the amount of latent life experience and stuff his soul/energy/whatever has picked up along the way makes him VERY noticeable to gods n stuff. he fuckin lights up all the alarms like what the FUCK is that over there. she wasnt rly able to get to him or even properly notice him while he was a kid and a young adult so shes happy to finally see him again. he has a STRONG sense of familiarity with her. they know each other on a wild ass level that he cant really comprehend.

welp thats some more lore I'll have 2 think abt. anywayz

post canon is when he and val get to have the most awkward spiderman meme moment of realizing that they have the same trauma SOOOOO thatz fun lol /s sorry kings i thought it would be fun to give u something fucked up to bond over <3

not much changes in his personality. he has a better understanding of Weird Magic and delights in freaking out the ultra vs but for the most part he returns to his life at the radio station. i love him

THIS GOT SO CRAZY LONG I DID NOT MEAN 2 GO THROUGH EVERY PART OF HIS LIFE LIKE SOME WEIRD CHARACTER STUDY but here we are. this is basically a first draft like almost all of this is subject to change but u gotta start somewhere. so heres my start i love this guy. its probably obvious but i have not read ANY twitterverse killjoys stuff </3 maybe i will someday idk

[matoitech]

hope its okay to ask, but do you know any tips or resources on preventing autism meltdowns/shutdowns?

i cant think of any specific resource w good info right now unfortunately but heres some stuff i do. also these r kinda for like the As Ur Feeling It Build Up to where its getting intolerable stage so if u meant just like in general i can try to help w that instead but here goes, some things i do to help cope n prevent stuff

if its possible and ur in enough control of ur body, remove urself from the ppl or situation ur in- if ur around ppl just stepping away to b by urself for a bit can help u feel a little better, or at least a little Less bad. outside, into another room, just another place where u dont have the added stressors of noise and masking and whatnot

try to reduce how much sensory input ur getting- if u need sunglasses, headphones, stim toys, pressure/weight, etc, use or try that if its safe to. sometimes ur body can be overwhelmed by something u cant consciously notice, like electricity humming in the wall + bright lights + traffic + ppls voices + ur clothes r rly uncomfortable, etc, so things like turning off lights and such to see what makes u feel more physically comfortable can b helpful (if u can)

and/or you may be thirsty, tired, hungry, emotional, etc and ur not getting the signals for that so ur body is showing its discomfort or upset in other ways. u may need to change into more comfortable clothes, go to the bathroom, eat something, etc. checking w ur body (and emotional state) can help prevent meltdowns/shutdowns or prepare for them. this stuff can b difficult to try and figure out tho so dont put urself down if u still end up having a meltdown or shutdown, ur body gets overwhelmed and sometimes i have not found another way to direct it than to sleep it off for a while. it sucks and its painful but if ur exhausted u might just need it :(

drinking water, listening to relaxing music, doing breathing exercises, and other things can help 4 me. usual ‘calming’ techniques might not help u feel physically better but can help center u a bit to feel less agonized

if ur safe to do so, try stimming if u can? sometimes ur instinct can be to tense up and shut down, but if its possible and doesnt make u feel worse, stimming can help- even just watching a rythmic gif or smth can help. sometimes ive noticed i feel rly bad like im gonna shutdown or im really twitchy and all over the place but then i realize i havent been stimming enough and that helps. if it doesnt help then u dont have to continue it, sometimes u just need to lie down unmoving in the dark for a while. when i need to shutdown thats generally what i do and i dont have any tips for preventing it when u get to that stage bc sometimes u just gotta reset i think

i would def suggest trying to chill out alone tho cuz ik not everyones like that, some ppl need like physical comfort from other ppl when theyre in shutdown mode, but at least 4 me it helps to just lie down under a bunch of blankets in the dark for a few hours

distractions can also help if just lying there bores u lol, test out what makes u feel ok (doin smth quiet w ur hands is usually good) and what u r not a fan of

most of this stuff was more for shutdowns but can still b applicable to meltdowns, but more meltdown specific, b4 i meltdown im rly prickly (emotionally) and have a lot of scattered shaky energy bc its usually caused by emotional overload so pacing and body stimming can help a lot 4 me at least to try n get that level. its better to direct the energy somewhere else instead of @ another person generally lol

uhh if anyone has any tips feel free to suggest stuff cuz i am scattered rn and can only think of a couple things!

[donnieluvsthings]

gonna rant about sanders sides plot bc i think about it all the time and need an outlet okay here we go. this got super long so most of it is under the cut.

fyi: i talk a lot about patton and virgil and how theyre doing. i dont think i paint either of them negatively and if i did its not on purpose bc i love them both but just be aware!! also this is just my interpretations/predictions and i wanted to share but its not The Only Acceptable Interpretation and if u disagree then obviously thats fine lol

so i keep thinking about the conflict between virgil and patton. clearly something is weird. i think it probably started when virgil asked patton to stop treating him like “some innocent harmless angel” at the end of LNTAO.

i actually think this was a good interaction—virgil was trying not to hurt patton’s feelings but also was expressing something he was uncomfortable with and he succeeded in my opinion. and patton doesn’t argue, just immediately goes “okay, virgil!” like he says his name, no nickname, no kiddo. he starts trying instantly to check himself and respect virgil’s wishes.

then in embarrassing phases their interactions seem a little more...tense? i’ll list the ones that stick out bc lists are Fun:

patton fakes being scared. virgil: “don’t patronize me” patton: “you mean pantronize” virgil: “whatever!!”

patton corrects himself from saying “bat winged cherub” to “bad....boy” while virgil shoots him a look like we just talked about this

virgil’s talking about how his style is a relic from thomas’ emo phase. patton: “we’re basically style twins!! look out just a couple of cool guys comin thru!” virgil: “okay, patton” patton: “um! sorry...”

virgil seems aggravated, probably bc patton is still treating him like a poor lil anxious baby when the whole point of this episode was virgil showing that they can’t just ignore his role as anxiety. they may be friends now but virgil’s past attitude is still part of him. one could say he doesnt want them to ignore the “dark side” of his presence. wink wink. this could be him maybe building up to revealing that he used to be a dark side, subtly preparing thomas for it.

then SvS. patton and virgil don’t interact directly except at the start and during the trial, but it doesn’t seem as strained. this is probably because theyre both on the same side when it comes to deceit—and i think thats important. in svs, both patton and virgil are anti-deceit, and like patton pointed out in LNTAO, “anxiety and morality are telling you the same thing,” which seems to signal to thomas that he should listen.

also in SvS, janus alludes to the fact that virgil was a dark side and is hiding it:

“so you’ve never been reluctant to share anything with the group?”

“dont.”

“what, i just meant your name!”

“dont.”

“maybe that’s why its so easy for you to see me for what i am! like i said before, it takes a liar to know a liar.”

i’m 90% sure he didn’t just mean virgil’s name. virgil is clearly distraught about where this conversation is headed and that just doesn’t line up with him being hesitant to share his name. his fears over his dark persona and reluctance to share his name have been addressed multiple times, so what does he have to be scared of? unless janus is talking about virgil being a dark side.

moving on! in DWIT, again, theyre both kinda anti-remus. theyre both afraid of him, and as logan points out, theyre both part of why remus is so powerful as intrusive thoughts. they dont argue much; virgil spends most of this ep arguing with logan, actually, which is interesting bc he and logan seem to have one of the closest friendships in the show.

in this episode, there’s a few final pushed that i think lead virgil to confess he was a dark side.

first remus reveals his own name and says “i would never hide anything from you!” and sends virgil a little glance. virgil looks uncomfortable. then, around the 31 minute mark, logan says “you can always talk to someone...subjects who talked about their thoughts often felt better emotionally and physically.” and you can see virgil looking around like he’s realizing something.

and then he reveals himself at the end of this episode. just to thomas, but i’m assuming all the other sides would know as soon as thomas himself does, right? if they didn’t know already. what sticks out to me is that he specifically waits until the others leave. he doesn’t want to say it directly to them. and as for how this connects to the patton-virgil stuff...patton might think virgil doesn’t trust him/doesn’t want to open up to him. and/or virgil actually doesn’t want to open up to patton as much anymore.

then in healthy distractions, we clearly see that something is up between virgil and patton.

patton: “how could he feel b-a-d with his inner d-a-d?” virgil: “i can think of a few ways”

patton: “thomas made his decision and i think we should all just try to settle into it” virgil: “how are you telling me to settle into something right now when you have taken your sweet time to settle into things that you were uncomfortable with in the past”

so honestly i don’t really know what virgil’s talking about?? does he mean the events of moving on and the whole breakup situation?? or maybe he’s calling patton out for taking so long to drop the “angel baby” nicknames/treatment. or its implying that patton didnt know virgil was a dark side and is still coming to terms with it/coming to terms with the fact that virgil didn’t want to tell him & the other sides directly.

or he’s referencing something we don’t know of. either way, their relationship is obviously strained rn and it isn’t entirely clear what the turning point was between DWIT and ATHD.

then we come to the new episode. virgil doesn’t appear in POF at all, not even a cameo. i think thats the first time this has happened since accepting anxiety part 1. the only reference to him is the purple time-clock during the mario sequence and other smaller inclusions in the other video game parts. and then what happens in this episode?

patton realizes selfishness can be good sometimes. he accepts that the world, and thomas’ view of it, are not as black-and-white as he wanted to believe in svs. it wasnt a matter of “callback = bad vs wedding = good” bc thats not how the world works. beyond that, he accepts janus.

and i’m gonna bring up the idea that virgil is super mean and gets away with it. its true that the other sides, especially patton, are hesitant to correct him or reprimand him, which i think is bc theyre afraid of making him think they hate him. this idea could even be in the forefront of their minds if they really are that impacted by virgil not telling them he’s a dark side.

the thing is...virgil IS mean sometimes and he DOES get away with it. often, its just directed at janus or remus, and the other sides don’t WANT to disagree. when its directed at the other sides, i’m not sure its taken entirely to heart, regardless of whether it should be or not.

and we all know how virgil feels about janus. suspicion, anger, and aggression are all things virgil expresses towards janus from the moment he appeared as patton in CLBG.

so this all has been building up to me saying that the virgil-patton conflict has now become a virgil-patton-janus conflict. virgil and janus’ past is going to clash with patton and janus’ new alliance, which will strain the already tense relationship between virgil and patton. even worse, now roman is firmly in the anti-janus field, which will likely feed virgil’s anger, especially if he also blames patton for hurting roman.

and if we DO go to roman’s room next, and janus shows up, and the situation worsens...we might have a full blown “patton & janus vs virgil & roman” level argument on our hands.

i think virgil’s gonna be aggressive towards janus, as he has been, but when thomas and patton don’t dismiss him—when they call him by his NAME, not just “deceit”—we’re gonna get a rehash of “are you seriously siding with deceit?” except this time roman won’t be the one saying “are you seriously so closed minded to think that everything said by someone you dont like is automatically untrue?”

the other sides—or patton and thomas at the very least—are going to see that virgil’s blatant dislike of janus is not entirely warranted. and keep in mind that we still don’t know what happened between virgil and janus to make virgil hate him, so maybe it IS warranted. but its clear now that janus is trying to help (assuming he’s not lying which i rly hope he’s not lol) and i dont think its fair to thomas for virgil to want to disregard everything janus says. thomas and patton will realize this and they’ll have to confront virgil about his treatment of janus. we just haven’t gotten there yet.

its gonna be wild, honestly. i want janus to be fully accepted but it might be a while until we get there, just like patton took a while to understand the whole “grayscale morality” idea, and how its probably gonna take a while for virgil (and janus, tbh) to move on from whatever happened between them in the past.

i also believe this is headed towards a sympathetic everyone ending where theyre all important to thomas, acknowledged by him as important, and all actively working together, no dark sides or light sides, just sides. so yeah

basically, the next few episodes will probably be an explosion of all these char tensions and its probably gonna get worse before it gets better, and thats not even considering logan angst, creativitwins angst, or the orange side. but i think (and hope) it’ll all be fine and im hyped to see where this series goes :p

[nockfellblues]

I don't know if you do these kinds of asks but how about reader pulling a hunger games type moment and confronting Larry before he kills himself saying if you go I do too I won't let someone I love die alone type thing.

All aboard the angst train ♥  written as a mini fic! TW for attempted suicide! Reader is gender neutral.

If you are in crisis, please call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline and get the help you deserve. Call 1-800-273-8255. If you are like me and are afraid to call, there are also live online chat options as well, located HERE! 

You’d known for awhile something was... off with Larry. Ever since Sal had officially moved in with Todd and Neil, Larry had been stadoff-ish on a good day, and on bad days would seclude himself in the tree house, Sanity’s Fall blasting from that tiny stereo so loud you could hear it from your shared basement apartment. To say you were worried about his behavior was an understatement. Especially after you’d begun to notice the pattern of near constant headaches, the fact that he was always saying it was too loud in the apartment, the occasional mutter of, “shut up,” to an empty room when he though you weren’t close enough to hear, and the quickly worsening whip of anger he’d been developing… You were walking on eggshells at any given moment.

Finally, it all hit a breaking point. 

You had been helping Larry pack up the remainder of his non-essentials, getting them ready to go over to his new room at Todd’s. It had been a process to pack a lot of his stuff up- it was a whole lifetime to sort through; countless weird knick knacks to decide to keep or not, finding old drawings and sketchbooks from his childhood, finding a random little thing that had been lost years ago tucked away in a dusty corner someplace… 

To be honest, it had been more reminiscing about his childhood and the memories about each of the items you both went through than it was actually packing. But it was fun, and the wistful smile he wore as he told you stories of his mother, his missing father and his years of shenanigans with Sal and Todd made every wasted second well worth it. 

When you unearthed a little silver puzzle box, you expected a fun story and for him to add it into the donation box for the local second hand shop for some needy kid to enjoy it later. But the simple question of, “Trash or stash?” quickly devolved into an argument about how much you didn’t care about his sentimentality or that it was an important object to him- and it just got worse from there- until you gave up, tossed up your hands, and stated you were gonna bring the box you’d finished earlier over to Todd’s while he cooled off, and walked out.

When you’d gotten there, the first thing you did was tell Sal what was up, hoping maybe he’d have some kind of wise words or what you could have done to set Larry off in the first place. Sally, ever the sweetheart, pulled you into a gentle hug, reassuring you that Larry was probably just having a rough patch and that he would talk to him and see if Larry might open up about it. 

Taking Todd up on an offer to stay the night, you threw on a movie and made yourself comfortable on the couch, falling into a dreamless sleep. 

Neil woke you the next morning with a killer cup of coffee and a poor mans breakfast of sugar coated pop tarts. Sally had come around not long after, letting you know Larry had texted him, and they’d be headed to the apartments for some, “Ghost hunting.” He seemed kind of tense but reassured you that he’d talk to Larry today, before he met up with Ash. Of course, you’d thanked him, and settled into Larry’s soon-to-be room to start sorting out some of the easier boxes.

—–

You woke up later, sprawled on the couch, to the sound of Todd rummaging in the kitchen. Yawning, you stretched and made your way out to greet him, smoothing out your bead-head. 

“Hey Todd, how as class?” You asked, grabbing a seat at the kitchen table. 

Todd shrugged, idly stirring an instant noodle cup, “No complaints. How’s Larry’s room coming along? Sal said you were unpacking this morning.”

“Well, I made it through the clothes and some oddball boxes… Did Sally mention anything about Larry by chance?”

Todd shook his head, “No, but he left with Ash almost as soon as he was back, so we didn’t have much time to chat. Knowing Sal, things should be smoothed over. He’s always been able to mellow Larry out like that.” 

With that, you decided to head back and see if Larry was feeling any better after some Sally time. It was getting dark, and the thick clouds looming overhead finally opened into a sweeping downpour just after you had left Todd’s. You stopped under a thicket of trees just off the road, hoping the rain would lessen, when your cell phone went off. 

Larry: [Name] im rly sry. i nvr meant that shit i said.

[Name]: Dude its all good i know youre stressed lately. Im heading back now.

Larry: stay at todds. and just dont blame urself ok? its my time to go.

[Name]: Larry wtf are you talking about? youre scaring me?

Without waiting for a reply you took off towards the apartments at a breakneck run. Bypassing the front door, you ran around the backside of the building to use the back entrance, when you noticed a light on in the old tree house- Then your gaze trailed down to the baggy with a neatly folded paper pinned to the lower steps on the tree.

You felt your blood run cold. He wouldn’t- no. 

“Larry!” You scrambled up the rickety planks, ignoring the note, and all but threw yourself onto the tree house floor. “Larry, don’t!” 

Tucked against the wall of the tree house, just under the little window, sat Larry, an old camping lantern lit in the corner beside him. His eyes were puffy and his hair disheveled, evidence that he’d been crying before. Tears welled in your own eyes as you took in his distraught expression and the bottle of whiskey in his hands. 

“[Name]..?” He whispered your name, and the way his voice cracked brought you to instant tears, and you all but launched yourself at him, pulling him into a desperate embrace. 

“Larry Johnson, you fucking asshole! Don’t you dare- don’t you dare take a sip from that bottle-”

“[Name]-” you cut him off, taking his face into your hands and forcing him to look at you. The circles under his eyes were so deep, and the absolute emptiness in them broke your heart.

“No! You listen here, you fucking string bean- you don’t get to do this. You can’t just… just push me away and expect me not to worry. You can’t just text… text me something like that and not expect me to come running to- to fucking keep you from being stupid! What the fuck am I supposed to do without you?!” You were openly sobbing now, practically screaming at the boy who all but held your entire world in his hands. “You’re all I have! You can’t just-just leave me behind and expect me to move on- who am I without my other half, Larry? Who am I?!” 

He scrunched his eyes closed, tears streaming down his cheeks again, as he shook his head.

“If you fucking kill yourself, I’m going with you. And you can’t stop me.” You knew it was a dirty trick to play, guilting him like this when his soul was this ravaged and he was so vulnerable- but you were being honest. What would you do without him in your life? What about Sal? God, what about poor Lisa? He was so dear to you all, so loved, and he was ready and willing just throw it all away-

“[Name], I-I can’t take it anymore- I just- the cult shit, that demon, the ghosts! The fucking whispers-  they’re dri-driving me insane! I‘m not like you or Sal- I can’t handle this shit anymore!” He finally breaks down into heaving sobs at that, burying his face into your shoulder, and dropping the bottle in favor of a bone-crushing embrace that you readily return.

You kick the bottle away from Larry, as far as you can get it, and quietly thank whoever will listen when the cap pops the rest of the way off, spilling the amber liquid and the mostly dissolved remnants of pills onto the tree house floor.

“…Why didn’t you just tell me? Or even Sal. Someone. You know we’d do anything for you, Larry, absolutely anything.” He didn’t reply, just shook his head and pulled you closer. What the fuck was was this place doing to him? You had to get him out- get him away- Larry’s phone vibrated from the other side of the tree house, but you elected to ignore it, praying whoever was calling was also smart enough to find you both before things got any worse.

He sniffled, hiccuping into you shoulder, “I’m so sorry, [name]. I didn’t mean anything that I said the other day- or anything I said in those other arguments. I just- This- this place is.. I think I’m going crazy-”

You shushed him, smoothing a hand down his hair and he devolved into body-wracking sobs that shook you both with the sheer force of them. Your soul ached for the boy you had known almost all your life- the boy you grew up with, shared secrets with, made countless memories with, and loved with all your heart. 

Why didn’t you see this coming sooner? “I know, Larry, I know. This place- there’s something still wrong with Addison apartments and we’re gonna get you out of here, forever. I promise.” 

“I-I’m so, so sorry, [name]. Please... Please don’t leave me.”

The rain continued to pour in violent sheets outside, but you distinctly heard the frantic voice of Sal, calling Larry’s name, as he ran towards the tree house. You had never felt such absolute relief in your life, even with Larry clinging to you like a lifeline, and the stain of his near-death slowly seeping into the floor of the tree house just behind you.

 “I’m not going anywhere, Larry. I’m with you, always, no matter what happens.”

—fin—

WHEW. I tried to make it so you could read their relationship as either romantic or platonic, and tried to stay as neutral as possible in gender as well! I hope this is alright, and I hope you like it! I’ve actually never seen the Hunger Games so I kinda went my own way ♥

I’d also like to use this space as a PSA:I’ve struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts and tendencies my whole life- don’t let your depression convince you that you are trapped or alone or unloveable. I know its hard, and there’s no easy fix for it, but there are things in life that make it worth sticking around. Even if its something as silly as looking forward to a new game or story or waiting for a flower you planted to bloom, there are reasons to keep living. Please be kind to yourself and remember, even if we’ve never spoken or interacted or existed in the same space, I know that you are worthy of being loved and cared for and you are not alone. 

If ever you feel like you are truly alone in this world, please reach out- there will always be people out here willing to lend a shoulder to cry on, a hand to hold, and a friend to those who feel lost ♥ I know i will always be open to anyone out there in need of a friend so, please, never be afraid to reach out!

[rockettransman]

MANY THOUGHTS ABOUT ROCKETMAN

I HAVE SO MANY! HERE WE GO!

prelude: i went into this movie pretty jaded and not thinking i was gonna like it. in my head, i got john lennon and elton john confused. i was thinking it was about john lennon. “oh god, they made a movie about that prick?” further, i was already dreading it because they play EJ’s hits on the radio at work all the time, and frankly i was fucking sick of tiny dancer and im still standing. when i watched the trailer i was like “aw geez, elton john sings these? damn, i was hoping i could tolerate him at all.” so. not many high hopes for this movie.

that was until i was on a six hour flight from boston to portland, oregon, and i was delirious with pain and boredom. i was sat in the middle of a father and daughter, and so i really didn’t wanna pull out my laptop and get in their space. reading the subtitles from the office off the airplane tv made me sick. the lights were off and it was 2 am, so no reading. i. was. BORED. and then, i saw someone watching something in the row in front of me. where i was sitting i got a whole view of their screen. oh, they were watching that elton john movie. they didn’t have subtitles on, so i could only take from visual and context clues what was happening. it looked flashy, and oh-- that man just stared lovingly, tenderly into another man’s eyes. oh shit. oh yeah. elton is gay. 

now i’m hooked. if i’m anything, i’m a trans man in a desperate search for a complex queer romance movie. i wanted something that would pull on my heartstrings, that would wreck me emotionally with a high reward. suddenly elton is staring at himself in full garb, putting on and taking off his glasses. smiling then frowning. glasses on. smile. glasses off. scowl. oh he’s in distress. oh, is he snorting coke? okay, cool, tight.

from here on out, i watch the movie with (no audio) the predisposition that elton is in severe distress, dealing with drugs and self-sabotage all because his feelings and attraction towards men are confusing and frustrating and he doesn’t know how to cope with them. is he in denial? does he hate himself for it? does he try to make himself attracted to women? obviously, i was incorrect. elton was pretty secure in the fact that he was gay in his personal life. 

i think about rocketman for days until my flight back to sarasota. i decide to watch rocketman on the plane back instead of renting it. but for some reason, my goblin brain told me to rent it, and i did. but i ended up just watching it on the plane anyway.

i was disappointed. really, kinda bummed about it. every article and review said it was R for a reason. there was plenty sexual content and drugs to do elton’s real life comparison justice. in the movie i watched, i saw none of it. there was some drinking of alcohol, he took pills, it was implied he snorted coke. i saw no kissing, no intimacy, not even a tender hand on a cheek or embrace between elton and another man. this movie was praised for being so groundbreaking! for representing so much of what elton’s life was really like, with drugs and sex and all that. and now that i thought about it, i heard not one curse word. “bloody” was tossed around a lot, but that is used as an inflection. and during the pool scene before he throws himself in, when he meets john at the deck, he spits something about “his secretary shagging him in front of the pool boys.” that had me in utter confusion. there... was no one there with john? he was just sitting there? must’ve been something i missed.

SO IT TURNS OUT THE AIRPLANE’S VERSION OF THE MOVIE WAS HEAVILY CENSORED. i watched the real thing when i got home yesterday and was FLOORED by the differences in the same movie i had just watched. in the scene where elton remarks he’d like to change his name, they completely edited out the character behind him peeing into a glass bottle. they also cut out the scene where elton is staring at the performer, being yelled at to close the door, and the kiss where he’s pinned against the wall. holy fuck. i realized when i saw that, i had missed something MAJOR. this meant i was missing some MORE major explicit, probably important-to-the-plot-and-character-development stuff. oh, now i was excited. 

(we could talk all day about the fact that a single kiss between two men was cut because it was deemed “too explicit”, and in a movie about elton john being the ultimate irony)

the sex scene AND take me to the pilot were completely missing in the airplane version. i had no idea this song existed! oh my god, it was a banger! i cried tears of happiness during the song. holy shit. the tense energy between he and john, standing there silhouetted by the window, and then all of a sudden they’re all over each other, fingers tangled in hair, moaning into each other’s mouths, squirming, trying to get as close to each other as possible. this is what i wanted. this is what i was looking for. not because i was looking for something “hot” or “dirty.”’ i wanted an intense sex scene because then i knew it was real. i wanted the desperation, the nerves, the tender way they cradled each other, and how they went to town on each other. it was elton’s first time being intimate with a man, and it was such a nerve-wracking, intense, lustful, desperate moment. taron and richard absolutely nailed it. The swaying and the leaning into each other, the grabbing and nuzzling and all of a sudden they’re all over each other... it honest to god moved me. not to sound too “grew-up-baptist”, but sex, especially the first time you have it is so special and intimate and personal and important (imo). i know all the times i’ve had sex, it was a very, very special moment to me, and i wholly and completely trusted my partner then. i was so happy elton could find security and love and a heckin good time in bed with another man. it must’ve felt so freeing.

This was between two men! In the smack dab of the AIDS crisis in like 1975 or some shit! If being queer is this fucking tough in 2019, imagine what it was like in 1975!! MILLIONS of people were left to die by eat-shit Raegan who say by and said “aw that’s cute.” MILLIONS of people died for loving who they love!! That’s fucked man!! Seeing a triumphant moment like this in the middle of what was happening and what it could mean for Elton and his career just rly got me ya know

my entire perspective of the movie changed from then on. i was excited to see what else i had missed. in fact, some of the songs weren’t bad. maybe i’d like some of elton’s stuff after all?

i missed the scene in the closet. on the airplane, he followed john into the closet and shut the door. the scene cut. but in the real version, suddenly john pinned him against the wall, mirroring the scene of the first kiss i missed, and elton lamely stutters he wants dinner with him, not a sexual act john was certainly looking for, and in the next moment he was hungrily snapping at his finger. i missed exactly how much coke elton snorted. i missed entire scenes and nuances that provided so much to the story. man, i was angry i missed all this. i was cheated.

when i finished the real version, my perspective on the movie, and elton, and his music, had spun an entire 180. i dug it. i listened to rocket man on repeat during the entirety of my forty minute run. i fell asleep listening to the soundtrack. i woke up today listening to it, and have been through the whole day. i have not been able to get this movie off my mind. im watching it for the third time right now.

WELCOME TO THE THIRD POINT OF THIS POST!

if you made it this far, thank you. what i wrote feels so important to me. someone needed to hear it. I WANNA TALK ABOUT THE ENTIRE ROCKETMAN SCENE. I have PTSD with psychotic features. This means that under the right triggers, i hallucinate, visually or auditorily (is that a word), things that aren’t there. sometimes they’re scary, connected to my past trauma, but sometimes, they’re hazy outlines of good people who i think i know. i also deal with all the lovely things that come along with ptsd, including dissociation. pretty much any and everything can trigger me in a specific way. the pool scene was incredibly difficult to watch. seeing a little boy playing piano underwater, him sinking and hovering and singing along, and people slowly descending, dancing in the water until they retrieve him. the vision snaps apart and holy fuck elton is in trouble. (as an aside, that’s one of my favorite affects of film: the protag is under the influence of something, whether it be a hallucination, drugs, in a deep fantasy, or just otherwise a storytelling device, and he is in imminent danger. the audience is aware he is in imminent danger. the protag, however, is cool and chillin and hanging out, not aware or bothered, and maybe this is where a major character arc beat hits. in an instant, they’re pulled out of it, and we--the audience and the characters--are hit with how dire the circumstances really are.)

Suicide is a super sensitive subject to me. when he mumbled “i’m going to fucking kill myself” and plunged into the depths, my throat constricted. it was a difficult few minutes, but i held my breath, gritted my teeth, and paced myself through it. despite the sheer terror and panic that was racing through my brain, the entirety of it was so beautiful. the bright blues, whites, and blacks of the pool lighting and bubbles decorating him, the flow of his--forgive him, i don’t know if there’s a cultural name--outer garment, how curious and confused he looked as he watched his younger self do something he did now, and the people twirling through the water, reaching out, and eventually snatching him up until we’re suddenly in the present--dude, the cinematography of the entire first verse is so, so breathtaking. the scene in the ambulance and getting his stomach pumped was a bit too graphic for me (i could feel a flashback/hallucination creeping on; sometimes i can’t tell them apart.) but it was all done so smoothly. when they lifted him up, spun him around, undressed and dressed him all in one fluid motion, i lost my fuckin mind. i rewound it several times to just watch that sequence. the pain, reluctance, and exhaustion in his face right before he was handed his bat and exuberantly entered the stage was so intense it was palpable. my heart ached for him deeply. it’s allll about putting on a mask of being truly happy and well, when just before that, he had tried to fucking kill himself. how fucking heavy is that shit?

the downward spiral kept me on the edge of my seat. honky cat was funky as hell, and i loved the little tiny moments and gestures towards each other. maybe john and elton truly cared for each other for mere heartbeats before it all went south. he was hurting so bad and ruining everything and in such denial i wanted to throttle him by the shoulders to scream “LOOK WHAT YOU’RE DOING! YOU BIG FUCKING IDIOT!” he was constantly suffering, doing more coke and drugs than i thought a person could keep in his system. the suicide attempt, the fantastic Dodgers show, the night and day between his outward appearance and his actions, all of it was so gripping. the group therapy medium through which the story was told was insanely cool, too. i thought at first it was a bit cheesy, but it worked. i loved that he confronted everyone who had hurt him, and who he had hurt, and reconciled. i loved that as the major plot beats went on, his clothes eventually toned down in loudness, mirroring how the story was going along in real time. he went from having an explosive outburst, to levelly confronting his parents, and firmly insisting they not treat him like that anymore. they didn’t have the right. we could see how he’d grown through several different literary elements. the fact that it was laid out so plainly really helped me, someone who is dumb as fuck and constantly misses nuances like that.

it’s so disheartening to see elton’s first love was someone who was aggressive, non-interested, and who refused to listen to him.

(im at the pinball wizard scene, and holy shit this tune fucks)

at the end of the day, when i had thought the movie fell through so many expectations, i watched the real, authentic version and was so, so happy with how it turned out. it was much more honest than what i had thought it was. when the credits rolled, and it said he and his husband David Furnish had been happily married for 25 years, the tears really started coming. Elton did it. He survived through all the shit he put his body through, all the heartache and loneliness and terrible isolation and suffering, and he won. He got what he always wanted. A man who loved him deeply, purely, passionately, and properly. 

i haven’t shut up about elton john for days. i’m kinda baffled how something gripped me so intensely, when i had written it off as stupid just a day before this. thank you for reading. i’m sure i forgot a lot of things i wanted to express, but hopefully i got something across. let me know if you read this, please. if you made it all the way down here, i owe you like $5. drop me your venmo.

thank you for reading. this movie touched me in a way i didn’t think was possible. thank god for elton john. thank god for his perseverance. thank god for his story, giving me and millions of others hope that happiness will come. recovery is possible. healing is possible. you just need to reach out first. thank you and goodnight.

[ycgibear]

✿  jeon jungkook, male, he/him ✿ welcome to lunova YOGI BAE, your happy little town awaits. you’ve been in town ONE YEAR? wow going taking a chance on a new town at TWENTY-TWO? I heard you were going to try to be a MAIL CARRIER at THE POST OFFICE. good for you, I’m sure being CHARMING & COMPASSIONATE will help. careful you’re not to INDECISIVE & UNTRUSTWORTHY. good luck!

                     hi friends !! i’m syds , dumb libra extraordinaire  . i’m also bringing u all the dumbest muse i have so pls love us both despite our tiny brain energies. i’m in est and i’m usually complaining about work or trying to talk about astrology and asking about ur birth chart ( or crying abt bts and ateez ) . more importantly i was very excited to see this group considering i bought a whole switch just for animal crossing so KDJFSKJG very excited and now i’m gonna actually introduce u to yogi and shut up. like this and i’ll message u to plot ( if u prefer discord lmk and u can add me there!! ) 

yogi’s parents were teenagers when he was born. super reckless duo. kinda like the druggies of school tbh and accidentally had the treasure that is yogi bae.

not at all surprisingly, they struggled trying to raise them without much assistance from his mother’s grandparents. they sucked and only a year into yogi existing his dad took off at eighteen and never looked back.

very frustrated and annoyed her senior year was getting Totally Ruined by a baby, yogi was given to his father’s parents instead.

he immediately formed a very close relationship with his grandma. his grandpa was an entirely different story. things were tense, and with how sensitive yogi could get, his grandpa Hated It and was constantly attempting to push him away from always being in his feelings. 

yogi was pretty quiet as a kid. he usually kept to himself and tried not to bother anyone. was very distracted with creating his own comic books with godawful storylines because he loved drawing. 

got more and more talkative as he got older. now he deadass never shuts up. on god can talk about fifteen topics in under a minute he’s so stressful.

 ( death tw ) his grandfather passed away his senior year and his grandma got significantly ruder towards yogi as he attempted to help her mourn. their relationship got super strained as she talked down to him and rly... lowered his self esteem a whole lot ( convinced him he wasn’t good enough to be loved by ppl , etc., ) but he still?? loves her a lot and would do anything for her. calls her pretty much every single day and tries to only be loving despite how much she’s hurt him at this point.

very caring!!! definitely the one to call when you’re feeling down. he’s very loving and soft tbh he just has a very big heart and has no idea what to do with it.

has a lot of trust issues but??? doesn’t really realize it fully?he doesn’t recognize some of his actions as him being emotionally damaged by his parents giving him up/him never really getting to know them. 

god.... don’t date him. don’t like him. don’t do that to yourself. he’s so loving and caring one second nd then he’s finding every reason to destroy the relationship or see it as something bad. he’s terrified of being with someone he ends up not being in love with forever and also doesn’t know how to let himself have good things so he ends up pushing the good away and clinging to very bad things for him. this makes him hurt a lot of people because he’s stupid KJGSKGJSKDJG but also will say he’s in love in three days. he’s so much please. 

also: flirts with most people he talks to. stop him.

works as a mail carrier!! rides a bike to deliver the mail bc he can’t drive :p

not super bright he’s just fun to be around usually unless he’s angry and then he’s very very evil 

also nosy.

okay that’s all that’s needed i think KSJDFKSJDG anyways please plot with me!! like this and i’ll im you!!