#like i know that their powers are so intertwined with their trauma and bring them more bad than good

[thisblogisaboutabook]

Baby, Mine

Azriel x Reader - Angst/Fluff - One shot

Rhys returns from under the mountain and Azriel’s life is changed forever as a bond snaps with the female his brother brings back with him. After an unexpected pregnancy is revealed, Azriel strives to show his mate just how much she and their child mean to him. Please read warnings below.

Bonus Chapter/Part 2

Warnings: discussion of rape and S/A, pregnancy resulting from rape, mentions of trauma, language, mention of pregnancy termination

“We should get up. My stomach’s growling.”

“And I thought it was just the little one chatting with my shadows.” Azriel teased, flushing beneath her gaze as his scarred fingers traced lightly over the growing swell of her abdomen, becoming more apparent by the day. He’d been nervous touching it for the first time, like he’d desecrate that precious life force growing underneath with his hands that had inflicted so much pain. But the way her eyes lit up the first time he touched it, he never wanted to forget the feeling of love and joy radiating into him through that newfound bond. It was beautiful - made him feel worthy of helping raise the beautiful life she was bringing into the world.

Though her stomach growled again, she made no move to get up, and by the way her hands were holding onto him, Azriel knew better than to go retrieve a plate from the House of Wind’s kitchen for her. So he sent a shadow beneath the door to see if Nuala or Cerridwen were there and if they could bring leftovers in, that is if Cassian and Mor hadn’t devoured the entire breakfast already.

“How’s she doing?” Rhys asked into his mind.

“Better than some days but not great, Rhys.”

There was a pause before Rhys’ guilty voice reentered his conscious.

“She’s the most selfless person I know, Az. I’m glad you two have eachother. But if she needs anything, if you need anything, let me know.”

And she was. Selfless in a way that Azriel couldn’t fathom. Selfless in a way that made his gut churn, a way he wanted to roar at the moon and the stars, and anyone who would listen. Selfless when she should have never had to be. She was bright and radiant and kind. The world looked at her and saw ethereal sunshine, walking starlight, unfathomable beauty both inside and out. But there was darkness and pain there too, so buried down deep that only Azriel could feel it in the middle of the night as whimpers disrupted her sleep.

So many nights Rhys would have to come in and cradle her mind, send her soothing thoughts and visions of anything beautiful that could mask the perils that haunted her dreams.

Azriel hated himself for it, the jealousy. He wished he could soothe her in that way but no matter how much love he sent through their bond, that darkness rooted itself so deeply within her that sometimes it took significant power from Rhys to reach it.

As if Rhys wasn’t already fighting his own trauma and waging against the insurmountable guilt he carried after being under the mountain, plus worrying about Feyre in the Spring Court. And that wasn’t to say Y/N was a burden in any way, though she felt she was. It killed Azriel to see both his mate and his brother fighting so much grief and not being able to do anything about it.

She’d have been better suited to be Rhysand’s mate than Azriel’s own by their intertwined traumas, by their ability to put themselves aside for a better world. Azriel, of course, fit into this court of dreamers but she… despite only being here for such a short period of time, she was the biggest dreamer of them all.

Another rumble from her stomach snapped Azriel out of his thoughts, mentally noting to Rhys, “She could use breakfast.”

“I’ll send some for both of you. You need to take care of yourself too.”

Azriel smelled the salt of her tears before he saw the silver lining her eyes. Propping himself up on an elbow, draping a wing over her, he began to ask softly, “Hey-“. Her head immediately shaking and she choked on the word, “No.”

“Baby, I know what you’re thinking and it’s not a burden. He just wanted to know if you needed anything.”

She took a few deep breaths, willing away those tears. “He doesn’t have to check on me. It’s my f-“

“Stop that. Listen to me, I’m always here to listen to you and I know that you’re dealing with complex emotions and trauma that I cannot even begin to fully fathom but this.. it’s not your fault.”

Her eyes welled up further as Azriel continued,

“I don’t want to lecture you or invalidate what you are feeling. Your emotions are justified but… these thoughts will eat you alive, they’re vicious lies that have been conditioned into you, and I can promise you that nobody blames anything on you. This entire family is so fucking grateful to have you as a part of it. In a world of darkness, where you had every right, every reason to bring that darkness with you, you chose light.”

He choked on his words as those tears flowed down her face. “You chose light when it only brought more darkness upon yourself.”

She cut him off. “She’s not darkness.”

Azriel raised an eyebrow. “She?”

And through her tears, he saw the slightest gleam of radiance in her eyes. “I can just feel it. Feel her.”

Azriel pressed a kiss to Y/N’s belly. “Yes, you are absolutely right. She is not darkness - she’s a beacon of light, the brightest star in the sky, perhaps aside from her mother - but the mental load you are carrying, it is dark and it’s heavy. And yes, you would carry darkness with you regardless of this spark of hope” he rubbed her belly in tender circles for emphasis. “But I know that mind of yours. That you are telling yourself that you’re a burden, that you made the wrong choice, when there was no wrong choice.”

At this point, the tears were streaming down her face, his shadows dutifully whisking them away, but only gratitude and love flowed from her.

A knock came on the door. Azriel’s eyes glazed over as Y/N recognized the telltale signs of what was happening. A line creased in his brow before she placed a gentle hand on his arm. “It’s okay, he can come in.”

“You sure, my love? He understands when you need space.”

She nodded. “I know but I think I need to see him today.” Azriel brushed his thumb in soothing ministrations across her abdomen until she pulled her night gown back down to cover herself.

The door creaked open and Rhys padded over to the bed, guilt and adoration limning his features. “Hey, starshine.” She blushed at the term. She hated her own name after Amarantha had called it so many times under the mountain. Rhys had begun calling her Starshine in secret due to her Day Court origins and the fact that he was convinced she’d been more suited for the Night Court.

Rhys had been drawn to her under the mountain, something about her reminding him of his brother. Rhysand could admit that Azriel was the most beautiful of the three brothers, his features seemingly crafted by the gods themselves. But if Azriel’s features were crafted by the gods, Y/N’s were crafted by the Mother herself. Aside from that, she had a quiet presence, though far less stoic and broody than Azriel’s, it was more of a quiet, gentle grace. A grace that Amarantha had tried so hard to shed her of but was never quite successful.

Amarantha, of course, made it her mission to both seek pleasure from her and torment her. When she never fully broke, Amarantha decided that instead of throwing her to the dark corridors she stuffed most lesser fae in, she’d make an excellent play thing. She looked mostly High Fae after all, yet had enhanced sexual appeal due to her nymph ancestry - perfect high and round breasts, long legs, a firm yet supple ass, and an arousing scent - needless to say, Amarantha delighted to add her to her roster of bed chamber accompaniment.

Y/N and Rhys developed a quiet understanding of each other and the roles they were forced to play in the year that she’d been under the mountain before Feyre arrived. They did not grow close enough for Amarantha to become concerned but enough that she knew her play things got along well enough to bring them both into her chambers at the same time.

Rhys would never forget the first time Amarantha had forced he and her into her chambers at the same time. Y/N tried to be strong, and she was. Another aspect of her that reminded him of his brother.

But she began to crack slightly, and Rhys knew Amarantha would make it so much worse for her if she did. So he did the only thing he knew to do and held her mind. He showed her visions of the Night Skies of the Night Court, the spirits of Starfall, the laughter of a family surrounding a table in a beloved restaurant, anything that could help her through it.

As he held her mind, she’d unwittingly sent visions from throughout her twenty-two years of life prior to being captured and brought under the mountain. She was loved deeply by her family who had little more than love to give. Eventually they had been murdered by Amarantha’s cronies at the age of nineteen - she’d been able to escape and live among the High Fae who sneered and objectified her, but offered enough coin to sleep with her to keep a roof over her head.

Rhys had determined that night that if they ever made it out of there alive, he was taking her to Velaris with him. She’d never live like that again.

He even smiled at the thought of introducing her and Azriel when she was ready to meet his family, already picturing his brother’s rose-dusted cheeks in her presence.

“Thank you” Azriel’s low voice withdrew Rhys from his thoughts, taking the plate from his hands.

A familiar scent wafted off of Rhys to Y/N. Pregnancy had heightened her sense of smell substantially.

As she sniffed the air Rhys gave a soft, sad smile at the eye brow she raised at him before asking, “Where is she?”

He shook his head, darkness rolling in waves off of him. “Tamlin locked her in his fucking manor. She had a breakdown.”

Her face drew tight. “That bastard!” Azriel flinched at the rage flowing down the bond. “She must have been terrified.”

“She certainly terrified the servants in his manor. She shrouded herself in darkness and nobody could get through to her.”

“He doesn’t deserve her.”

Rhys nodded. “He doesn’t.”

“You didn’t answer my question, Rhys. Where is she?”

“At the Town House.”

Her eyes blew wide. “Cauldron boil me, is she staying?”

Azriel smiled as he felt her excitement flow into him. A bit of that Day Court sunshine returning to her.

“I don’t know. She knows she can’t tell anyone if she goes back, but…”

“I felt it through the bond, Y/N. I think she’s here to stay.”

Azriel’s shadows agitated at the pause in verbal conversation, chattering back and forth,

“Secrets”

“Secrets”

He rolled his eyes and dismissed them, already knowing there were some things that remained between just Y/N and Rhys. He’d accepted it the very moment he’d shown up after he received word that Rhys was finally home and the bond snapped as soon as he laid eyes upon the radiant female by his side. He knew it snapped for her too when she walked right up to him, touched the hands he tried to hide behind his back, her eyes speaking everything she couldn’t. “I see your scars. I bear them too.” And pressed a kiss to each hand.

“Do you want me to leave? I assume she’s at the Town House but I’m sure she’ll be visiting here too, yes?”

Azriel bristled. No way in hell was Rhys going to make his mate leave, whether this home was his or not, she had a right to be present wherever she wished.

“Easy brother.”

Azriel shook off the feeling. The mating instinct was still so strong that he had a hard time not jumping in to defend her at the thought of any threat, physical or emotional.

“Y/N” Rhys took her hand.

“Don’t bite my head off for holding her hand, either.”

Azriel huffed before firing back to Rhys’ mind “I can’t wait for you to find your mate someday so you can see what it feels like to be so wound up like this.”

Rhys only gave a small, secret smile in return.

Y/N interjected. “Are you two done gossiping or can I know whether I should pack up or not?”

“This is your home just as much as it is my home. You are my family and I want Feyre to meet all of you. Cassian has already barreled through the door of the Town House along with Mor begging to be fed. Feyre went up to nap and recollect herself.”

“Can we have dinner with her… if she wants to?” She asked softly with a mixture of excitement and nervousness to her voice.

Rhys gave a nod. “I was thinking that same thing. Would you be comfortable?”

She nodded before the reality of the situation caught up with her.

“Y/N.” Rhys leaned in, gently tilting her head up to look at him. “I am not ashamed of you. I will never hide you or the life you are selflessly bringing into this Court of Dreamers.” His eyes lined with silver. “And I will always be so proud of the love that you both share. I knew from the moment I met you that my brother would adore you. And the fact that you two are mates? It’s one of the greatest things to come from that shit hole of a mountain. A reminder of the beauty that can prevail, even after the most dreadful of circumstances. I love all three of you.”

Azriel held his mate closely, ensuring she felt just how loved she truly was.

“She kicked for the first time the other day.”

Rhys raised a brow.

Y/N let out a sigh. “Ugh, you two are so skeptical. I really believe that this baby is a girl.”

Rhys eyed the scarred hand protectively placed over her round bump, so many complicated emotions running through him, with love being the strongest.

“Feyre will likely ask questions tonight regarding all of us, our stories. Nobody has to share anything they do not wish to, but you also may share if you are comfortable doing so. I would really like for Feyre to become a member of the Inner Circle-“

Rhys looked to Y/N rolling his eyes at the smirk and waggling eyebrows she gave him.

“Stop that. My point is just that, I would like for her to know all of you. I know she’ll love you all just as I do. Hell, she’ll probably love all of you before she’s ready to even fully tolerate me.”

Azriel let out a chuckle as his mate quipped “Tell me the story of the time she threw a shoe at you. It’s my favorite!”

“You cruel, lovely little thing.” Rhys laughed. “See you both for dinner.”

As Rhys exited them room, Y/N sighed. “You were awfully quiet.”

Az nudged her. “And that surprises you?”

“Okay, quieter than usual.”

Azriel pulled her in close, peppering kisses across her forehead. “I just don’t want you to do anything you’re not ready for. You are still healing and now you’ll be facing someone else that was under the mountain with you.”

“She saved us all, Az.” She looked up into his hazel eyes with nothing but genuine adoration. “Without her, I never would have met you. And what kind of existence would that be?”

She began picking at the plate Rhys had brought in. Letting out a moan as the flavors burst on her tongue.

Az couldn’t help the involuntary twitch of his wings at the sound.

She laughed. “Don’t get any ideas until I’m finished with my food.”

Azriel raised his palms. “I’d never get between my pregnant mate and her meal. With the way she’s started moving, she’d likely kick me away anyway.”

She took another bite while nonchalantly commenting, “I thought of a name for her.”

“Oh yeah?” Azriel’s brows raised in anticipation of a potential name for their child.

“Azure. The same blue as the skies. I thought…”

Azriel cut her off, marveling at the name. Whispering more to himself than her. “Blue like the Day Court skies, blue like the skies that I love to take you flying in.”

She flushed. “Yes, exactly. And though it’s a different shade of blue, like your siphons.”

A lone tear escaped his eye. “And,” she continued with a coy smile. “We could call her ‘Az’”

Azriel sat still for a moment. And she would have thought he didn’t like it had it not been the rush of pure shock and awe flowing through the bond.

Suddenly he took her face in his hands, barely giving her time to swallow the bite of bacon she’d just taken, and crashed his lips into hers. And after her lips were swollen and puffy from the heat of his lips, he began pressing kisses all over her belly, whispering between them, “I love you, little Az. I love you more than the skies I fly in. More than my own name. More than any dreamer could dream of being loved. I can’t wait to fly you through the open skies, and show you every shade of blue this beautiful world has to offer. Nothing in this world matters more than you and your mother. I couldn’t be more proud to be your father.”

And he meant it. Every single word. The blood running through the baby growing inside of his mate didn’t need to be his, what mattered was the love flowing within the child and he intended to pour every single ounce of love he had into their baby.

It was Y/N though who broke down at those words. She and Azriel had spent every free moment together since meeting. He’d healed her in ways that she never could have dreamed. Finding her mate changed the time after Under the Mountain from the lonesome trauma reckoning hellhole she’d anticipated and into a time of healing. He listened to her, understood her, let her set the pace in every aspect. And he’d shared his trauma with her, all of it.

The child who had been abused by a wicked stepmother and horrid step-brothers, overlooked by his own father had grown up to be loving, caring, and patient in every way. And now, he was going to be the parent of a child that was not his by conception, choosing to love the child just as he would his very own. A vow he’d sworn in their mating vows and sealed with a bargain.

“What is it, love?” Azriel wiped away her tears.

“Stupid hormones. I just love you so much and I need you to know that you are so much more than I ever could have dreamed of. If I had to, I would go through it all again as long as it led me to you.”

Azriel’s eyes began watering again. “Look at us, Y/N. We’re quite a sight. Whatever you say tonight, just don’t let Cassian know that I’ve gotten so soft.”

Her glassy eyes sparkled as she gave a sweet smile. “I have a feeling that softness has already been there, my love, I just had the privilege of coaxing it out of you.”

He smiled. “Truth Teller personified.”

————————-

“We’re heading up now.” Rhys’ voice cut into Y/N’s mind.

“Are you sure about this, Rhys? Most of them do not know what all happened under the mountain. What if it’s too much for Feyre to take in?”

“She’s my mate, I have to hope that she will love and accept us all in time. It may be a lot to meet us and hear our stories but they’re a part of us, a part of loving us. I’m worried about Cassian scaring her off more than anything.”

“Valid concern. See you soon. Despite the circumstances, I’m so happy she’s here.”

“You know,” Rhys chuckled. “I feel the same way about you, Starshine.��

“You flatter me. Now enjoy your flight with the literal girl of your dreams.”

“She’s glaring daggers at me right now. Pray I make it there alive.”

“Where’d you go?” Az nudged.

Leaning into her mate’s side, embracing the warmth of his arms wrapped around her shoulders she replied, “Rhys and Feyre are on the way.”

“Are you ready for this?” He asked.

“I’m sure you can already feel my nerves down the bond but I appreciate you for asking.” She teased.

Azriel kept his pace slow as they wound through the hallways of the House of Wind toward the dining table. “If you’re not ready…”

She took a steadying breath. “No, he needs to get off on a solid foundation with her. And Cassian, Mor, and Amren have eyed us for a while, they realize that something is off. Plus, I mean, look at this thing.” Her delicate hands found her stomach. “They’re going to figure out that the timelines don’t match up soon enough.”

“Our girl IS growing.” Azriel spoke, not missing the opportunity to feel the life growing within his mate.

She teased, “You’ve referred to the babe as “her” a few times now. Coming around to the idea?”

“I know better than to go against your intuition.”

With that, Y/N gave a wicked grin. “Mother knows best.”

As they approached the dining room, Azriel pressed a kiss to her forehead. “I’ll be right by your side.”

She beamed. “And I’ll be by yours too, with whatever you may share tonight…and forever, of course.”

As everyone arrived and gathered at the dining table, Y/N couldn’t help but admire how lovely Feyre and Rhys were together. Though she hated the situation that brought her there, that Tamlin tried to hoard her away in his manor, she couldn’t help but feel joy knowing that she was finally beginning to see the true Rhysand.

The Inner Circle kept up with the typical antics and plenty of laughter filled the space, but the conversation eventually turned more serious as everyone took turns giving Feyre insight into themselves.

Feyre looked to Y/N with curiosity. “You were under the mountain, but Azriel was not?”

Her hands shook as she prepared to share. A warmth covered them as Azriel gave a gentle squeeze, sending waves of that reassurance in abundance. She took a breath.

She began by sharing the background of her family, their deaths, that she’d sold her body to survive afterward, how she’d only been under the mountain for a year before Feyre arrived.

“You didn’t know Azriel before they took you?” Feyre asked. Not harshly, just inquisitively.

Y/N held her head high. Her story was not one to be ashamed of.

“I did not. Rhys was one of the only souls to show me kindness under the mountain. I have nymph ancestry with primarily High Fae features. Amarantha took an interest in me and….”

An unreadable expression covered Rhys’ face. This was his trauma too, but he gave a reassuring nod.

“She began taking me to her chambers. I had no choice. It was warm her bed, or face physical torture until death.”

Feyre flinched along with Rhys. Y/N recognized that they were remembering the human girl Amarantha had tortured to death just before Feyre’s arrival.

“She also, against our hopes, realized that Rhysand and I had an understanding of eachother - serve her or die. Being the lust-driven wretch that she was, she began taking us both to her chambers. There was no room for weakness in there. She wanted us just weak enough to submit to her, but we had to remain strong in every other aspect. The first time she had Rhys and I, together,” she cleared her throat, giving pause before continuing, “Rhys saved me. I began to crack, and he held my mind. I will let Rhys speak on his own trauma and the mental load he carried, but he didn’t hesitate to help me get through it. It was not the last time he had to help me through it.”

The table was completely silent. Heart-wrenching expressions filled each face at the table. Palpable rage could be felt radiating off of Amren, though her face remained straight.

Her voice began cracking. Azriel pulled her close into him. “When you saved us,” She looked to Feyre. “I don’t mean to fawn or gawk over you, but Feyre, you did save us.” Feyre gave an empathetic look, nodding to Y/N to continue. “Rhys brought me back to Velaris because he couldn’t bear for me to return to the life I was living, because this Court of Dreams is made up of individuals who have lived through terrible traumas and, despite every reason to lead bitter lives- have chosen to dream of a better world. To fight for a better world. And he knew a certain Shadowsinger and I would get on quite well. In fact, he’s been a smug bastard ever since over just how well things went between us.”

“When I met him.” She stared lovingly to Azriel who swallowed a lump in his throat. “The bond snapped between us immediately. The same day I was brought here, I met my mate.”

Instinctively she placed her hands on the swell of her abdomen. “Rhys gave Azriel leave to spend time with me, for him to help me through the aftermath of what I’d been through…”

“But two weeks after arriving back, my scent began to shift.” Mor’s brows furrowed in contemplation.

“I became very sick shortly after that. Rhys called in a healer, Madja, who confirmed that I was two and a half months pregnant.”

Cassian audibly gasped and Mor murmured “Oh my gods.”

Azriel kept his composure for the sake of his mate, but this was killing him. His brother and his mate being forced by that fucking witch. “Azriel is not the biological father of this baby. The child was conceived under the forced coupling of Rhysand and I by Amarantha.”

Feyre’s face was a mix of sadness, and rage, and sympathy.

“There were options to terminate the pregnancy. However, due to my Nymph ancestry, such options can have negative, potentially deadly effects. Aside from that, though I never planned to have a child - I couldn’t bear the thought of losing another family member. Rhys, after losing his family, felt the same, which he only expressed after I shared my feelings with him. He was completely supportive of any decision I made.” Feyre looked to Rhys and then back to Y/N, no negative judgement written on those lovely features.

Y/N looked to Azriel with a loving grin “And Azriel- he took me to a priestess that night. We both wanted to accept the bond from the moment we met, the connection was unbelievably strong, I never believed in the power of the bond until I found him. And now because he’s ever the romantic, though I see him already blushing at the mention of it, he wanted to make a vow before the Mother - a vow to love me no matter what choice I made, a vow to love the life within me as his very own child, to love and cherish us both until his last breath.”

She pulled the sleeve off of her shoulder, revealing the intricate tattoo solidifying his vow.

“And Rhys,” She gave a soft smile. “He made a bargain to love and care for this child and to recognize Azriel as its father. We will not hide the parentage from our child. And Rhys, I know, already loves them dearly, but mine and Azriel’s decisions for our baby come first and will be respected as any biological parents would.”

She’d left out the part where Azriel had gone under the mountain to investigate later on and found that Amarantha had begun supplying a fertility tonic instead of birth control to Y/N after the Calanmai that Rhys had gone to the Spring Court and seen Feyre. Though she didn’t know who Rhys saw, she likely suspected he’d developed interest in someone else and become jealous, hoping an accidental pregnancy would either create a rift in any potential relationship or, even worse, that the baby could be used as leverage against him.

The table remained silent until Rhys chimed in. “So my brother is my child’s father. I’m sure stranger things have happened.”

Despite that sadness the Inner Circle felt, Rhysand’s comment elicited smiles. Azriel gave his brother a nod of thanks for breaking the tension while affectionately caressing his mate.

Mor eased the tension further by chiming in “Y/N! You are further along than we realized which means….. we get to go shopping for our newest family member sooner!!!”

Feyre decided soon after that she would like to work with the Court of Dreams.

————————-

Epilogue

Because his mate was always right, Azriel was indeed the father of a beautiful little girl, clever and stubborn like her mother, and the light of his life. Her mother the sun, and she the moon.

He and Rhys had just returned from taking “Baby Azzie” who was now a toddler to get pastries along the Sidra. Azriel returned with his half-asleep daughter in his arms, who perked up upon seeing her baby brother cooing in his bassinet. “Nyxie!!” She yelled, hurrying over to the winged babe. Rhys, however, arrived with numerous shopping bags in his own arms.

Feyre, who had been lounging with her head on Y/N’s shoulder gave the two a big smile. Y/N raised an eyebrow. “All of that better be for Nyx.”

Azriel and Rhys shared a laugh before Rhys spoke. “Well, half of it is, but only because someone batted her little lashes at us repeating ‘Brother, present. Brother, present’ until we took her into what is conveniently her favorite toy store.” Az cut in, “And because my brother is getting soft in his old age” before Rhys could remind Azriel that he was, in fact, the older of the two, Az continued, “Rhys had to buy something for her for every item she picked out for Nyx.”

Y/N groaned. “Cassian literally just bought her five new toys and six new outfits on their last outing.”

The raven-haired toddler with her mother’s nose and radiant skin, Rhys’ smile, and by some gift of the Mother - had Azriel’s golden-flecked hazel eyes, toddled up to Feyre, giving her a big hug. She then turned to her mother, leaning in to whisper something, that came out as quietly as a yell. “I got something for sissy too. Daddy has it in the pocket realm.”

Y/N’s face flushed as Rhys and Feyre gaped. “So much for keeping that a secret for a little longer.”

Feyre squealed leaning in and throwing her arms around Y/N. “I thought that maybe I was getting allergies, your scent hasn’t been as strong but you were glamouring it!”

Rhys pulled Azriel into a long hug, then walked over to Y/N with a wide smile, pressing a kiss to her forehead.

Azriel placed a hand on his chest as he took in the sight of his blended family. It wasn’t what he’d ever expected but, to him, it was everything.

[cherryobx]

broken

request: here

pairing: steve harrington x reader

summary: your trauma of being stuck in the upside down haunts you and steve tries to help

warnings: ptsd, feeling like a burden, mentions of insomnia

wc: 1.2k

“You okay?” Steve leans in closer, his hand coming to rest on your shoulder. It pulls you out of your own thoughts and you turn to look at him.

“I’m fine.” It’s a lie. You’re far from fine. 

It’s been almost 6 months since you got back from the upside down. The three weeks you spent there were the worst weeks of your life and you wouldn’t wish that experience even on your worst enemy.

The topic came up during movie night with your friends and it immediately pulled you back to that dark little corner in your brain you tried so hard to stay away from. The corner which stored the memories of being in the upside down.

You tried so hard to pretend that you were okay, that those memories didn’t keep you up at night. You don’t remember a single night in the last 6 months where you got a sufficient amount of sleep. Constantly working on power saving mode was so draining.

“I need a moment.” You get up from the couch and walk up the stairs, taking two steps at a time. 

You sit down on the top of the stairwell and lean against the handrail. The faint chatter of your friends talking downstairs in the living room keeping you company. After getting back, you were scared to be alone too. The deafening silence of your house was unbearable and you always had something playing in the background so you wouldn’t feel alone. Didn’t matter if it was the television or some record playing. You needed the noise. 

Zoning out completely, you stare into nothing as you try to calm down. You don’t blame your friends whatsoever. They never mean to upset you but sometimes they forget how sensitive you can be to the topic.

The stairwell creaks and you snap out of it. Steve is standing in front of you a couple of steps down. He’s got a worried expression on his face and you hate it. You want him to look at you like he used to. Now he just looks at you like you’re something broken, like a victim.

He doesn’t say anything as he takes the remaining steps and sits down next to you.

A few moments pass in silence before he speaks up, voice soft and quiet. “I’m sorry about that.”

You scoff. “You have nothing to apologise for, Steve.”

“We should’ve not brought that up.”

You pick at the skin around your fingernails, refusing to look at him. “It’s fine.”

His hand comes to rest on top of yours, stopping your actions. Your eyes dart to his hand before trailing up his arm to his face. “You can talk to me, you know that right?”

You shake your head. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

His hand slips between yours and his fingers intertwine with one of them, thumb rubbing soothing circles into the back of your hand. “I miss you.”

Your breath hitches in your throat and you stare at him.

“You’ve been so distant. I want to be there for you, I’ve tried but you keep pushing me away.”

“Steve-” you start but he interrupts. 

“I know what you went through was terrible and none of us can even comprehend what it must’ve been like but we’re here. I’m here. You don’t have to suffer alone. You can lean on me. Let me be there for you.”

The way he’s looking at you and his words combined bring tears to your eyes. He’s being so sweet and you’ve been keeping him at distance since you got back.

“I’m sorry.” A tear falls but he’s quick to wipe it away with his other hand.

“No, no, no, don’t apologise. I don’t need an apology. I just need you to let me in.”

You lean your head against his shoulder, a sigh escaping your lips. “I’ve barely slept since I got back. I’m so exhausted and it makes me hallucinate sometimes. I keep seeing things from there and I’m constantly scared. I’m scared to close my eyes at night because I know if I do I’ll see them so much clearer. I’m scared to be alone. I’m scared of the dark and the quiet. I feel so broken and I don’t know how to fix it.”

He lets go of your hand and brings it around your shoulder, pulling you close against him. “You’re not broken. It’s completely okay to feel scared after going through that. It’s okay to feel like this.”

You nod against his shoulder, tears streaming down your face.

“I wish you would’ve talked to me sooner, I could’ve tried to help.”

“I already feel like such a burden. I don’t want to bother you with my trauma when you should focus on other stuff and not be weighed down by me.”

“You’ll never be a burden to me. I want you to come to me with stuff like that. You’d do the same for me.”

“I would,” you admit.

“See?”

“I’m not ready to talk about it yet.” You bring a hand to your face and wipe away the tears but they just keep coming. Steve’s hand starts moving up and down your back in a comforting manner.

“That’s okay, we’ll talk when you’re ready.”

“Thank you.” You tilt your head to look up at him. He gives you a small smile before pressing a light kiss on your forehead. 

He then stands up and holds his hand out for you. “Come on.”

“What?” You look at him dumbfounded, eyes still watery. 

“We’re gonna get you some sleep.”

“Steve-”

“Just trust me on this.”

You just look at him for a second before grabbing his extended hand and letting him pull you to your feet. You don’t let go of each other’s hands as he leads you to his bedroom.

His bed is messy and there are dirty clothes all over the bedroom floor but it’s just so him. It pulls a smile from you. His room is so normal.

You both get in his bed and he pulls the covers over the both of you. Before you can protest he has pulled you against him. His arms around you is foreign but comforting. You melt into him and your body visibly relaxes, releasing the pent up tension.

“You can fall asleep. I’ll be here holding you the entire time, I promise.”

“Thank you.” Your heart tightens at the gesture and you place your head on his chest, listening to his calm heartbeat.

“You’re welcome. Now try to get some sleep, please.”

“Okay.”

You thought it would be hard to fall asleep like it usually is but this time you’re out like a light. Steve’s presence and his arms around you make you feel safe as you drift off to sleep. It’s the first night in 6 months you sleep through the entire night and don’t have any nightmares 

He presses a kiss to the top of your head and keeps his lips there in a silent promise to help you through this, to always be there for you and support you. He’ll do anything to make sure you’re feeling safe and sound. He loves you and there’s nothing he wouldn’t do for you.

[bloodyshadow1]

Adaine's Furious Fists part 1

Or

Porter takes Adaine under his wing au Day 1

Just a quick story/summary of how things would go if Porter took Adaine under his wing throughout the series. I made a post about how she is the perfect candidate for him with her anger throughout the series and this happened on a whim. Adaine and Porter actually could have had a really interesting story given how their lives actually intertwine a lot if you think about it. So Regardless, read this if you want, I just thought it might be a fun idea.

First day of freshman year porter is scoping out potential prospects in the courtyard not coming up with much.

Puts a maybe down for fabian, he seems more like a grandstander, but he did punch a kid bigger than him without provocation. Still more ropey than strong, but there are dexy barbarians. Gorgug is a likely candidate, he seems soft, but was able to go into a rage and pummel his attacker, Porter could work with that if he had to. But the metal flower and the singing ticks Porter off. Riz is a low maybe to a no, kids being bullied on the first day are usually a good source of rage, but the goblin kid just seems to take it. Fig he doesn't have a chance to see since she sneaks into the teacher's lounge so early. Kirsten is a hard no, religious trauma can bring out a lot of sweet rage, but with Daybreak breathing down her neck it would be hard to get close to her without alerting suspicion. Adaine is a hard no. A tiny trembling high elf wizard with a huge orb she could barely carry, wearing the uniform of the prissy magic school? No way, no how, Porter doesn't even bother to learn her name.

Later that day he sees Adaine have a panic attack over being given detention and he writes her off even harder because it's pathetic. But seeing Fig stand up for her, she's not the ideal barbarian, but she is a young tiefling girl full of rage and Porter see's his opportunity.

Even later he's called to the cafeteria and sees Doreen, Arthur, and Mr. Gibbons dead with corn everywhere. Goldenhorde explains vaguely what happened and tells them to watch. It would be a horrific scene for a bunch of freshman, but Porter has seen and done worse. Still, he doesn't want to talk to Jace right now. The guy is powerful, but too much of a talker for Porter's liking. He knows some of the kids died and were brought back, that's why Arthur and Mr. Gibbons are dead, but little else. He does notice that Doreen's skull is caved in. He thinks of what little he knows about the kids, of the maybes, only fig has a weapon that deals bludgeoning damage so he assumes it was her and now intends to take her under his wing now that she got her first kill.

Once the cops come, he and Jace leave, Porter goes to observe the kids. They all seems broken and beaten, and about to be sick, not surprising. Porter doesn't have any sympathy for them, but he does understand so it's not enough to write any of them off. They're clean enough but the blood on your hands doesn't wash out as easily.

Porter is intent on Fig, because he thinks she's the one who killed Doreen. When Sandra Lynn comes to pick her up he notices that she's an elf, and Fig was dropped off at school by a different elf, yet their daughter's a tiefling. That might explain why she's so angry the first day since she seems like a newly presenting tiefling. Trouble at home can be juicy, especially when fell blood is involved.

Last to leave is the pathetic little high elf girl, you could use her spine like a meter stick with how straight the girl is standing. Porter can understand being sick or scared after your first battle, but he feels like he's within his rights to mock this little elf girl when no one else is around. He has enough of stuck up high elves to deal with as it is, it's good to see them scared.

But speak of the devil, Arianwen fucking Abernant shows up to pick her daughter up and clearly doesn't want to be seen at Aguefort of all places. Porter knows Arianwen and hates her, she's another teacher and their town only has two so they're bound to run into each other from time to time. They're also technically allies through the Shadowcat, who Arianwen is the main liaison. They don't work together exactly, but there's no reason they all can't exchange favors when working on their own evil plans. Arianwen is a cold, stuck up bitch, but she's a powerful stuck up bitch.

The fact that she's hear means the little elf girl is her daughter, now Porter actually feels a bit sorry for the child. It's one thing to be scared after your first battle when you watched people, including your..., 'friends,' might be to early for that since it's the first day, but people your own age die. It's another to be forced to deal with Arianwen afterwards. Porter still finds it pathetic, but is more lenient since he knows what Arianwen is like, especially if the girl is here instead of at the magic school her mother teaches at. that explains the uniform at least.

Then something happens he's too far away to hear, but Arianwen says something to her, likely to berate her. Porter expects the little elf girl to flinch and cower, but to his surprise, she snaps back at her mother despite her fear. It's not much, but despite how afraid she looked only moments ago Porter can see the fury in her eyes when she snaps back at her mother and it's something that Porter wants to see more of.

Later on Goldenhorde/Kalvaxus is given the faculty the full rundown of what happened. Porter knows more than most of his fellow teachers, but when Kalvaxus mentions Doreen being killed he talks about how she was bludgeoned to death by her own ladle. Not Fig's bass like Porter assumed. One of the other members of the faculty, one of the casters that Porter didn't bother to learn the name of, asks which of the kids did it.

Goldenhorde says it was Adaine, for a moment Porter almost asks 'who the fuck is that' out loud. Since he didn't really learn the names of most of them yet. But Tiberia Runestaff, another frigid wizard bitch, chimes in as always 'Adaine Abernant beat Doreen to death with her own ladle? The girl is ten pounds soaking wet and a wizard, why did she use a ladle" clearly angry that one of her wizards would pop their kill cherry with a martial weapon instead of her arcane abilities, but Porter doesn't care.

Learning that Arianwen's daughter was the one who murdered Doreen, and with a ladle is interesting. And moves Adaine from a hard no to a solid maybe in his rage book.

Part 2

[platinumrosetail]

Yandere Seth x fem reader.Warning: Seth was devastated after witnessing his wedding to a fem reader. They kill her in front of him. Later that day, Seth ends up being killed anyway. Horus regrets that he could not save his sister and uncle from Osiris. He himself buries their bodies. Some time later, the reincarnated fem reader meets Seth's reincarnation again at college and meets him again years after finishing college. Both without remembering their past lives, they do not know who the other was to them. Afterwards they continue meeting again and in the end they fall in love as in their past life. But the reader, who began to remember her past life, decides to walk away, because she knows that they ended up dying because of her. In addition to possibly repeating that ending if she continues with it, she leaves one night and breaks up with Seth via text. What the fem reader does not know is that Seth began to remember his past life, which leads him to search for her. So much so that when he finds her, he chases her throughout a shopping center. She tries to escape by taking a train, but Seth ends up catching up to her in the end. However, after a few days, Seth would see her die again.

Another scenario taken from Korean kdramas, like a stairway to heaven. Sorry if the protagonist becomes Horus' sister again and ends up dying and abandoning Seth, I have a lot of trauma with protagonists like that. I'll look forward to it.

Ooooh interesting, I’ll try my best! 😁

Warning: noob author, female reader, yandere romantic character, and others.

Character: Seth.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Your and Seth’s wedding was going great as it has everything you two wanted for it until when you were walking down the isles of the alter. You were killed by flora going straight through your body some even sprouting out of your body and around like it’s trying to encase you and make you disappear.

Seth was devastated to see who was supposed to be his wife minutes later die right in front of his eyes, he immediately knew who it was from what killed you. Seth did all that he could to possibly bring you back but sadly what he did never worked he even tried remaking you from bits of his life force plus the life forces that was still in your body but it ended with him using too much and dying in the end.

Horus ended up having to bury both of you after you both had passed, he made the tomb just for you out of the powers of king of Egypt so that you two could always be together even after death. He knew that it was all his fathers fault that you and Seth had died and made the big decision of taking care of Osiris for both of you, but before he did that he intertwined you and Seth’s fate so that you two could meet and have a better life together than this one without the interference of Osiris and his obsession with Seth.

You had reincarnated into the modern time without any of your past life’s memories so you never knew that you were previously a god. You were a college student when you met a red hair gentleman that also went to your college.

You two crossed each other a few times after that until you graduated from college with the degree you wanted and after that you haven’t seen him since then.

You started getting strange memories after meeting him afterwards, at first you thought it was just silly dreams but the more it happened the more you started to think it was something like memories rather than dreams, you’ve decided to write down your dreams to see if there’s any meaning behind them and such.

Seth; the red haired man you met while you were in college, had the same dream as you but in another perspective, he realized sooner that these were memories especially after seeing you in them as well.

You two met again while at a cafe , apparently getting the same thing and thought that one of the orders was yours. You two finally decided to start staying in contact since you two always seem to run into each other, soon enough you two started dating but that’s were the dreams kept coming in constantly before a repeat of the same dream started happening.

The dream was where you were in the wedding dress and walking down a wedding alter but before you could get to it you’ve kept getting killed by flora that shot up from the ground, there was always the same people along with Seth who was at the end of the alter he always seem to be the most affected by what was happening to you each time you look at the guests at your supposed ‘wedding’.

You started to distance yourself once you got the full picture of what had happened in your previous life, your paranoia had began making scenarios if you kept seeing Seth so you decided to break it off after a month of you two being together over text as you wanted to leave without feeling even more guilty than you already do.

Seth didn’t know what to think when he got your text about breaking up with him but he knew that he needs to go after you so that you don’t get hurt or killed again. Thankfully he made it in time to catch you before you leave, he made a whole scene that you felt pressured to agree to get back with him which caused everyone there to applaud not knowing that they shouldn’t have done that if they knew and believed in the situation you’re in.

Sadly that ended real soon when while eating a salad together, flora began to grow out of you from your mouth before it covered you entirely. You both immediately knew who had done this before you died in Seth’s arms once more.

(A/n: ok i know the ending was weird but i felt walking in nature might’ve been cliche plus i didn’t know what else besides eating sunflower seeds. Anyway hoped y’all liked it! And hope y’all have a wonderful day/evening/night!!)

[ciaoteamo]

Redemption

pairings: na’vi quaritch x na’vi reader

summary: Your trauma from the past rises and quaritch happens to be around to take the heat.

(A/N): imagine tearing up at your own writing.

warnings: angst

Tonight, you had planned to visit the tree of voices, you harbored an uneasy feeling in your chest and decided to calm yourself with the young spirits.

It always did it’s job right, bringing a smile to your face as you close your eyes. You’d been tense lately and you no idea why.

Your ears picked up the sound of a broken branch, you slowly reach for your knife and break your bond. A footstep was heard close to you and you whipped around, knife hovering over the neck of who was behind you.

“nice to see you too, sweet cheeks” Miles smirks with his hands up.

“that name makes me want to vomit” You glare and put your knife away.

“i know” He chuckles. “what’re you up to?” He asks.

“…trying to relax” You sit back down. He sits next to you, hands intertwining yours.

“what’s wrong?” He asks seriously.

“it’s nothing, it’s stupid” You wave him off.

“it’s neither of those if it has you out here alone trying to ‘relax’” He replies. “are you feeling sick?”

“…in a way.. it feels like i’m underwater and the surface is just out of reach” You look at him.

“hmm… what do you think keeping you from reaching it?” He asks.

“the past” You reach out and play with a few strands on the tree. “my people have gone through great suffering” You frown thinking of everyone you’ve lost, your father, your nephew, and almost yourself.

“why?” Your eyes water as the feeling of sadness creeps onto you. Your people did nothing to deserve what happened… these people invaded your planet and almost destroyed everything.

“what do you mean?” You could see his concern increase.

“why did your kind do it” Your voice broke. “Neytiri and i will never get our father back… i can never see my nephew again, home tree was completely destroyed” You almost shout.

You stand up and he quickly does the same. “(Y/N), i’m sorry..”

“don’t. and do not follow me” You say with a biting tone. He flinched, but as you walked away, disobeyed your command.

He didn’t say a word, you purposefully took difficult routes to try and shake him off. What was so special about him anyway, your mother knew about what happened, how did this man end up being saved?

You abruptly stop and take a deep inhale before turning. “you know how far we are from the others? my mother cannot prevent your death here” You say, completely serious.

He swallows and puts a little more distance between you. “valid observation, but i won’t…just leave you alone” He was panting from the run.

“why? you are just like them! never listening” You squint.

“(Y/N), believe me… i am beyond sorry about what happened, even if is wasn’t me that did it, i still feel the burden of guilt every day” He states.

“too bad that your ‘sorry’ cannot bring them back” You start to get angry again. He just stares at you for a moment, and just a blank one. One that made you feel small, like you were being studied or observed.

He squeezed his eyes shut with a sigh and walks toward you, you hiss but before you could grab your weapon, his strong arms locked in your shoulders.

“move… MOVE!” You knee and scratch whatever you could. “GET AWAY FROM ME AND MY HOME” You scream out, he only held on tighter. “YOU’RE DEMONS” Your voice cracks once again. Your fight dies down and your body collapses as you sob. “you’re all demons..” You cry. He brings you into another hug, this time with comfort.

You cry into his chest and he gently rubs your head. It felt like you were reopening a wound, and he was doing what he could to get you through the pain.

After a while, you were only letting out a single sniffle. “look, i know it’s not easy to have another version of… him… walking around alive and well. but until you tell me otherwise, i will do everything in my power to pay for what he did” He looks down at you.

“… none of it was you back then.. and you weren’t around for my nephew, it wasn’t you that time either” You sniff and stand up.

“what are you-“

“you were lost before, trying to do well for the person in your memory” You give him a defeated smile, almost crying again. “but even though i say and know that , i still cannot bring myself to forgive you” You shake your head.

“what can i do?” His face showed you nothing but sympathy.

“you could let me go alone, i know my way around” You give him a reassuring grin. He still looked uneasy. “and don’t worry, i was like this toward Jake as well” You say before sprinting off into the lit up night.

[written-among-the-stars]

Lessons in Writing: The Power of the Sympathetic Asshole

Welcome to Lessons in Writing, where I, a student in writing, tell you very unprofessionally about the things I learned recently.

First things first, a good character and a good person are two different things; a character can be one without being the other and vice versa. I would even argue that the best people can make for some of the least interesting characters. The purpose of a good person is to be moral, or ethical, to make the right decisions with the least amount of drawbacks for others. The purpose of a good character is to carry a story, and a story lives off of conflict. You don't get conflict by being moral or always making the right decisions (what are the right decisions anyway).

Story and characters are intertwined like nothing else: interesting characters makes for an interesting story. Think about it: we often like the characters more who influence the story the most. I think that's often why we're drawn to villains. Take the villain away, and you won't have that story. But you often don't need a villain, not really. You need conflict.

Interesting character create conflict, but what makes a character interesting? Depth. Fears, goals, misbeliefs, rooted in their backstory. An interesting character makes you ask questions externally, and answers them internally. So we need actions that cause questions, and backstory that provides reasons, our answers. That's where the sympathetic asshole comes into play.

Someone who does what you expect them to do doesn't raise questions. Someone who breaks those expectations does. We often expect characters, especially protagonists, to act morally (I think that's in general the expectation we have for everybody, not just in fiction). So when they don't, we ask: why?

But the answer part is just as important as the question part. If someone does a lot of shitty things seemingly just because, they're just an asshole. To be a sympathetic asshole, we need to know why, we need to know the reasons. A question raises suspense, a question that never gets an answer creates frustration. The reasons for asshole behavior are often rooted in the backstory, in trauma, grief, loss, separation, shattered dreams, unfulfilled fantasies, broken promises, etc.

Let's take a look at an example: Six of Crows

Kaz Brekker didn't need a reason. That's the first sentence of the second chapter. But well, he does have reasons, that's what Inej thinks at least. And she's right. The content of the second chapter doesn't only set up our setting, the city of Ketterdam and the barrel, but the character of Kaz Brekker. It leaves us with questions. How is he only seventeen and already practically leader of a gang? Why does he have a cane? What's with the gloves? Why does he feel the need to be so cruel about revealing and punishing the betrayal of one of his gang members? And so on. Later in the book we get our answers in the form of a backstory that leaves everyone to stare at their wall for at least five minutes. I won't spoil that here, but I truly think it's one of the best backstories to exist.

In a way, this could be applied to any character that breaks expectation. We can even set up the expectation of the reader by introducing them to the setting of the story and other characters that behave in a certain way, and then bring in someone who does not behave this way at all. That behavior could be any behavior. To an extent, we see this in Inej from Six of Crows. Gang member, right hand of Kaz Brekker and the notorious thief of secrets called the Wraith, yet she's not greedy, still follows her religion, doesn't want to kill and doesn't even like the name "Wraith".

What can we take away from all of this? Set expectations, break expectations and don't be afraid to make your characters assholes sometimes, if they have reasons for it.

[mikuni14]

Laws of Attraction Ep 5

I had a short city break (I ate a lot of yummy food and saw 3 cats, one was very talkative, so of course it was great). That's why after returning I had to catch up quickly and watch LoA, the BMF final ep and the first ep of Only Friends right away.

LoA did not disappoint again and provided the best entertainment. I liked everything:

how we get glimpses of Charn as Tinn's future boyfriend, the way he's sulky and whiny, high maintenance, unpredictable (the bed scene when Charn, after weeks of heavy flirting and openly proposing sex, when it might finally happen, he just falls asleep lol)

again, the show takes all the possible corny themes and tropes of romance/soap opera/action series and makes great use of them in a way that I always like and doesn't give a second hand embarassment, BECAUSE:

unforced, truly romantic scenes that brings blushes and pure joy

cheap special effects 👌, exaggerated action scenes and fighting scenes 👌, Charn schemining against Vit and then the sequence of events when we see him doing it 👌, the death of the villain crushed by the bookshelf 👌👌 - WHAT'S NOT TO LOVE HERE

"you can do anything to me", a sentence that always works for me because it's both hot and a lovely proof of trust, obviously appears in this excellent series, it's surprisingly said by Tinn, which is actually great

in general, Tinn accepting everything that happens between him and Charn, accepting Charn and his flirting, just taking it in without hesitation, without hiding from Charn and his own needs, him being so confident and flirting back, being so wonderfully open to Charn - I just can't, both of them are awesome 🤩

I love how the drama intertwines serious scenes and conversations with complete fuckery 😄 We have Tinn and Charn having one of their famous arguments about morality, justice, existence in society, or Charn in one of his crazy tirades about power and money being called out by Rose, there are touching scenes of Tinn and Grandma remembering Tonkhao... and then there are scenes of Tinn and Charn just being themselves and ridiculous and the most fake fire ever. This series is gold

talking about Tonkhao, I really like that the series constantly reminds us of her and that she is treated with respect as a victim. Very often the victim in crime dramas is just "a tool" for the plot, is treated instrumentally, not like a once-living person, which never fails to annoy me. Fortunately, Tonkhao is still remembered in LoA, and the scene with Tinn remembering her and guarding her memory was very touching

I really like Charn's relationship with Rose, they act like real siblings, with all the silly and petty fights, but Rose also has no problem reprimanding Charn, popping his little bubbles of self-satisfaction and also worrying about him, especially in the scenes where Charn is triggered by his traumatic memories

I know Charn is a dick, but as someone who is interested in politics, I have to say that he's sort of right about not wanting to bring the senator to justice. I mean, how many politicians do you know who actually went to jail for the criminal things they did?

Tanthai must be going crazy in his head and his heart. Until now he was an abused kid who relieved his traumas by drinking, partying and being an annoying brat, now he is starting to be dragged down by a string of innocent people being killed and it's sort of about him and it's obvious how badly it affects him. Thee, who is desperately trying to make everything as it was before, must finally gets his shit together, because Tanthai simply won't last long like this

I'm offended because there seems to be a lot of stuff going on off-screen, like an almost-kiss in Tinn's room and a whole-ass date! I want to see it! The public has a right to know! 😤

LoA is so good. And am I seeing right 👀?Is the next episode a traditional "going to the beach/tree planting" episode? Woohoo! 🥳

[hunkyhair-my-beloved]

Do you think that each wanderling sings a different song?

Like I know that Flori isn’t allowed in the wanderling woods because she’s not an elf but if she was allowed in there imagine how many melodies she would hear.

The trees of ancients sing about foundations, fallen kingdoms, rulers who were doomed from the beginning and warriors whose blades were always going to break no matter how strong or brittle they were. The ruins of what was once life. The first spring after winter and the last breath before death. Eternal summer and mournful bloodshed. Being closer to 10,000 than to being a child yet never actually having been one mentally. Being born to fix a cruel world so that future children could be innocent.

Jolie’s tree sings of betrayal, and bitterness being at the root of sweetness. It’s weeps of being torn between worlds, shifting realities, new perspectives and unearthing ones that have been so meticulously stored away so that the real world will never be truly known. Hating the way you love someone and loving the way they would never hate you, dancing with your hands intertwined despite the floor being on fire. Clinging onto your love for dear life, knee deep in their lies, but it doesn’t matter because you’ll never finish falling in love with them.

There’s the tree of a child who never got to experience growing up, fading away in a light leaping accident after taking his Nexus off. His tree sings of wanting to go home, the gentle breeze that moves your curtains as it enters through your window, being sent home when you feel sick at school and shoving your friends aside to swallow their bubble of flavoured air. Grass stains on your knees and muddy tunics—both being the result of a particularly rule breaking game of bramble—being carried up to bed by your dad and being hugged to sleep by your mother, eternally in her arms in that moment and forever.

Kenric’s tree sings of lies being nestled in power, doomed romances, falling apart to hold the world together and never letting people know the real world. The fear that comes with authority and burden that comes with change. Lies, lies, lies, secrets that no one was supposed to know, lack of trust, ulterior motives, dancing in the rain and love still thriving despite all the forces being against it. Warm smiles and even warmer days, the sensation of cool water on you skin, timeless naps on opens fields which seem to go on forever. The life you never got to live and all the things you never said. Shared secrets and an eternal longing.

Sophie’s tree sings of change, being given a role that is a burden to fill, forever unanswered questions, having the weight of the world crushing your shoulders and finding people to help distribute it. Never knowing who you truly are, resilience, perseverance, the pain of what has happened and the ache of what never will. It sings of found family, growing up too quickly, the melancholy feeling that late night car drives home from the airport have and feeling like you never actually belong. The way the sun shines through the hospital window while having your wounds treated, casting light upon pain to show that your suffering will not be forgotten by the sun. The trauma that comes with power. Guilt.

I like to think that Sophie can hear the songs as well, her strong telepathy allowing her to reach out and listen. She cannot hear other plants but wanderlings are different, their DNA is laced with a strand that holds what used to have a mind and conscious, it makes their songs listenable to Sophie. Forkle can listen too, and maybe, sometimes, he goes and listens to his brother.

Whenever Dex feels sad Sophie brings him to the Wanderling Woods and describes to him what his tree sings of. Hands laced together, thumbs tracing patterns on each others palms, she tells him how it sings of loyalty and creativity, treating others as equals despite being looked down upon and showering the people you love with outmost kindness because you never had friends who did that to you. Humble beginnings paired with perseverance, the determination to become better, to prove that you are worth even the bare minimum, to show what you are capable of.

On the rare occasion that Flori has time to herself she sometimes burrows under the woods, sitting amidst the tangled roots and listening to their songs.

[justanotherwildfangirlsstuff]

Superhero Burnout

Superhero burnout has been huge for me recently and it sucks. Growing up, I loved Marvel and DC. I used to watch stuff like Adam West, Lynda Carter, etc. I had (and still do) a huge collection of comics, figurines, posters, etc. My favorite show was Justice League, I could recite the Green Lantern mantra by heart blah blah blah. I was a huge hero dork. But being a superhero nerd still wasn’t super popular so I couldn’t often connect with my friends or classmates on my interests. When Marvel and DC started to get their feet planted on the ground more, I was overjoyed. Superheroes were once again part of the mainstream media and I could die happy. But then they started to run things into the ground.

Any new hero films were stuck with the same formula, some storylines weren’t developed as well as they good have been and were instead rushed, super powerful and interesting villains were pushed to the side as one off characters. Content after content was pumped out without anything new being added to the table. Sure it was enjoyable, but it was getting old- and much faster than our capitalist Hollywood industry would have preferred.

Then came the wave of the dark storylines. In an effort to stand out and add something new to the conversation, we were given grittier and darker hero content. A look at a more realistic view of what the world would ACTUALLY be like if people had powers, or just darker storylines overall. DC put a gray filter on their heroes, making them all act like their most successful hero- Batman. We also got stuff like Marvel’s Zombies and Werewolf at Night. Non-mainstream media got to enter the spotlight too with Brightburn, The Boys universe and Invincible coming to play. IMO, The Boys was probably the most entertaining out of these and brought an interesting perspective to the table. It was harsh, but probably the most realistic portrayal of the genre in a long time. Gen V is also such a fun addition and I will be doing its own well deserved appreciation post soon.

Now one thing I do appreciate in this hero dump of content is the opportunity for more representation. I adore Ms. Marvel, Black Panther, Shang Chi, Blue Beetle and Gen V. They intertwine their respective cultures or identities into the hero storyline in an unapologetic way. They don’t shy away from showing the struggle of day to day life people of color or queer folks have to go through or showing the generational trauma that comes from historical and modern abuse and I really appreciate that. But although these do this, often times they are still not bringing something new to the genre overall. It still falls back on overused tropes and I just know that it can be even better than what it is. I wish these big hero movie conglomerates would focus on the quality of their products instead of the quantity. But that’s capitalism for you 🤷‍♀️

[glorified-red]

i think purity culture is very damaging, especially to young girls. you can tell when a writer believes( is that the right way to say it?) in purity culture when they write characters discussing previous sexual relationships and the girl (usually) is seen as “gross”for being intimate with past boyfriends

on the other end , writers discreetly shame inexperienced/virgin readers by calling them prudish and boring . Like let me be a virgin in peace! I can go out to the club in a short skirt and not sleep with anyone

Ah, my dear, I whole-heartedly agree

CW: discussing the topic above

Purity culture is an unfortunate side-effect that we still face today, even as its source is slowly losing its power. My main thing with purity culture is that its so ingrained into us that we don't even realize its effect on us.

Most of the time, our unconscious biases stem from purity culture but we don't know, and if we dont know, we can't address it. Whether its from religious trauma or society as a whole, we all have some kind of reminants of purity culture in our brains whether we notice or not.

It is obvious when a creator, or person in general, is a victim of purity culture based on how they react to certain things or write certain things. And again, sometimes they dont know where that bias stems from. They can firmly believe their disgust with sexually experienced people is a choice of their own when it could stem from purity culture.

And it can take years, decades even, to break away from purity culture and realize that no, experienced people arent disgusting, it was a learned bias based on literally nothing. I'll call people out on their views and question why they believe it because I truly do enjoy learning, im not going to shut their view down, Im there to learn. Once i learn from theirs, I hope they can learn from my views as well and progress can be made.

And unfortunetly since our society is so intertwined with purity culture, its incredibly difficult to make any progress with it, but progress is happening.

I don't enjoy double standards for anyone, experience/unexperienced especially. Its fucking annoying. But i also hate how easy it is to call out the double standards for women when it comes to sex because the line between prude and whore is so small for them. I do genuinly think that purity culture effects women a substantial amount more when compared to men.

But men can experience sexual shame too, albeit less deadly, but i do like to talk about it. Theres always this assumption that men just know how to have sex and have it often, but they can be inexperienced too. They can suck at the first time too. They can experience extreme outcastedness from other men because masculinity is so heavily tied to sex (thanks purity culture).

I like to point out the struggles women face because it is so real. But i also like to point out struggles men face too because I feel like we often forget they exist. Women face so much in society and its debilitating, it truly is. Its extensive and runs deep.

Im not trying to disregard that by bringing up male struggles, i bring it up because their struggles also stem from purity culture and men uplift these struggles unknowingly because of society, its a viscious cycle.

Men create struggle so men struggle.

Men create struggle so women struggle.

We can't have a discussion about women's struggles (in this specific example with sexual assumptions, stereotypes, and purity culture. I am not talking about anything else) without acknowledging the role that men play in it and therefore the role that men's struggles play in it as well. Men literally create and uphold terribly demeaning standards for themselves until they break, and those standards are then applied to women, it sucks.

So yea, women should be allowed to go to the club and come home safe. They should be allowed to be a virgin by choice and not feel outcasted by everyone around them. They should be able to stay a virgin until they choose to consent to anything more.

And I agree, purity culture sucks and its so annoying and I get it anon, i feel you.

[readitreviewit]

Hello Beautiful: A Heartwarming Story of Love and Family If you’re looking for a book that will make you feel all the emotions, Hello Beautiful by Ann Napolitano is the perfect pick. This New York Times bestseller and Oprah’s Book Club pick tells the story of William Waters and the Padavano sisters that he meets in college: Julia, Sylvie, Cecelia, and Emeline. From the moment he enters their lives, William feels a sense of belonging that he has never experienced before. But as with any great story, there are obstacles that they need to overcome. William’s past comes back to haunt him, causing a rift between him and Julia, and the three sisters who have become like family to him. The question is, will their love be enough to bring them back together? Hello Beautiful is a heartwarming story of love and family that pays homage to Louisa May Alcott’s classic, Little Women. Ann Napolitano’s beautiful writing will make you laugh, cry, and feel all the feelings. The story is beautifully crafted, and the way the characters’ lives intertwine is fascinating. You’ll find yourself rooting for all of them, hoping that they can find happiness and overcome the obstacles that they face. The characters are all well-developed, and you’ll feel like you know them personally. Sylvie is the dreamer, always lost in a book. Cecelia is the FREE-spirited artist. Emeline takes care of everyone else, and Julia is the ambitious one with plans for their future. What I loved most about Hello Beautiful was the love between the characters. The friendship between the Padavano sisters is heartwarming, and their loyalty to each other is unwavering. The relationship between William and Julia is a beautiful love story that will make you swoon. The author captures the essence of love beautifully, showing us that it can help heal even the most broken of souls. The book is not without its heartbreaking moments, and you’ll need a box of tissues on hand. Ann Napolitano is a master at creating powerful scenes that will leave you speechless. The descriptions of the characters’ emotions are so real that you’ll feel them too. The author deals with heavy themes like loss, grief, and trauma, but she does it in a way that is both poignant and hopeful. Hello Beautiful is a rich, complex family saga that explores the bonds between family and the power of love. It’s a unique take on Little Women that will delight fans of the classic. The story is propulsive, and you won’t be able to put it down once you start reading. The writing is as beautiful as the story, and Ann Napolitano’s prose is both wistful and perceptive. The book will touch your heart and leave you feeling hopeful. In conclusion, Hello Beautiful is a tender tearjerker that will leave you feeling all the emotions. The story is powerful and affecting, and the characters are unforgettable. It’s a book that celebrates the bonds of family and the healing power of love. I highly recommend this book to anyone looking for a heartwarming and emotional read. It’s a book that will stay with you long after you finish reading. "Don't miss out on the transformative power of this book! Order your copy now or start your 30-day trial of Audible and experience the life-changing insights within its pages. Start your journey towards a happier, more fulfilled life today!" Price: [price_with_discount] (as of [price_update_date] - Details)

[snacksizedgates]

Why Mike Referring to El as "Superman" is Byler Coded

*Note this theory has nothing to do with gender*

This is gonna be long. But don't worry. I think it's worth it.

El + Will

El and Will are intertwined. Interchangeable characters. Almost like doppelgängers or alter-egos. Yet sometimes behave or are placed in situations as if they are foils. Here's what I mean by this.

Season One

From the very beginning, Will and El are linked. When Will goes missing from Hawkins, El appears in the woods of Hawkins. Will is taken from the party and El is given to them (in a sense) when they find her. Immediately they are put in contrasting situations (foils) yet are interchangeable characters (I'll be calling this alter ego since doppelgänger isn't a completely accurate term

Physically she is smaller than the rest of the group, like Will, and she is also shy, like Will. She's not just shy because she doesn't know many words as we know from later seasons, when she knows a lot more English. Though she talks a bit more, she is still reserved with communication, just like Will.

And we can also see their characters mirror each other in the way other characters react to them. Not only just Mike but Lucas and Dustin eventually become protective over El just like they are with Will. Joyce becomes a motherly figure for El once she meets her. Not in season one but eventually Hopper becomes both of their father figures. The bullies make fun of her just like they make fun of Will. But from the very first few minutes, we understand Mike and Will have a special friendship compared to themselves with Lucas and Dustin. Will only tells Mike the truth about the dice. He doesn't lie. Mike's also very protective over and sensitive about Will. He notices he doesn't show up to school. He goes to his house to find him. He genuinely wants to help find Will, just like the others, but he's really adamant from the get go. He has a protector role. As soon as Will becomes lost and they find El in the woods, she takes Will's place in his absence. Immediately, Mike takes her under his wing and protects her. They have a thing about friends not lying, referencing the very first scene where Will doesn't lie to Mike, and only Mike. They both have a special relationship with Mike and it's emphasized by all the other similarities between Will and El. Such as...

Both of the characters being the only ones to have outwardly abusive, shitty fathers. Lonnie is a homophobic bully to his own son and would gladly exploit his death, while Brenner imprisoned El her entire childhood and did nothing but manipulate and exploit her. They both were taken from their mothers, who go crazy looking for them and never stop until they find them or are physically prevented from doing so :( They are the only characters alive who have been abducted, so they share a complex trauma that none of the others can relate to. Automatically this gives them a similar character profile starkly contrasted to the rest. They both feel a connection to the Upside Down and are the other characters main (only?) connections to the Upside Down.

Finally, in the final moments of season one, Will is brought back to the original Hawkins and El is taken into the Upside Down. Interchangeably. A transfer of their characters. The paralellism lol. And this brings us directly into season two.

But before that.

This next sentence is important, so pay attention. Essentially, the only major difference between Will and El is that Will has no powers. Remember this.

Season Two

So immediately in season two there is already another situational contrast between our mirrored characters; Will is now in Hawkins, placed back inside the party, and El was in the Upside Down until she was in the woods (just like Will except reversed) and then Hopper took her in (same person who saved Will), taken from the party. So Will is given back and El is taken. Almost like you can only have one because they're so interchangeable. So there are already many parallels.

**So many that I could stop here and make my Superman point honestly but this is too much fun. So if you want you can just skip to the end for the rest of the theory and it will still make sense. But I suggest reading the whole thing for it to really hit.**

Anyway. Now instead of El being the main character, Will is, at least in relation to the other party members. I would say both El and Will are the main main characters of s2, but regardless, Will takes her place as the main character in the party. So again, they switch places. Indicating they are interchangeable. Which is very important. Just like season one where the party members and eventually the other characters were protecting El from the bad men, they're now protecting Will from the Mind Flayer. He takes the place of protected and Mike is his main protector as far as the kids and teens. Not only that but there are tons of Byler moments in this season and they mirror how Mileven were in season one. If what's happening in a canon ship is happening in a supposed "unrequited" ship, then maybe that ship isn't so unrequited. If people even question it, maybe that ship isn't so canon.

But I digress. Lol

Just because Will and El are so alike doesn't mean they don't clash. That's why they're also foils, imo. And this is what we see in season three.

Season Three

So by clash I don't mean they don't like each other or have ill will for one and other. I mean the trope or role they hold in comparison to the other characters only has room for one, so it can create tension. Otherwise, they still pretty much mirror each other. Both are finally getting to grow up and not experience trauma (in the first few episodes). They are both recovering from their childhood being ripped apart by two heads of the same beast. El has girls night with Max before+after breaking up with Mike, Will has boys night before fighting with Mike. They're two peas in one pod that are constantly revolving around each other. The yin and yang. So similar but constantly moving in opposite directions. When one does this, the other does that. Mileven's breakup scene is funny, lighthearted, fun colored and sunny. Bylers fight is dreary, dark, mono toned color scheme, emotional acting and serious implications. El is seen having fun thinking of other things after the breakup. Will destroys Castle Byers, the place he felt was safe for him, which could even parallel when El destroys the cabin because Hopper won't let her leave/see Mike. They're in almost identical situations (lover/crush isn't reciprocating the feelings I have for them, or at least isn't showing it properly) yet their situations end up completely different. This mirrors their characters but also foils them. Regardless it creates a link between the two indicating they hold similar roles within the show. Other than Mike relations, while El is figuring out something is up with Billy/the Upside Down, Will knows the Mind Flayer is back. They both consistently represent the fantasy aspect and always facilitate that storyline. Now that they've finally been present together in a season, it becomes A LOT more obvious how their characters are so similar it causes clashes, which only further emphasizes how alike they are.

Let's just get into S4 because this is so long lol.

Season Four

El and Will becoming siblings heavily emphasizes them being each others alter-egos and the fact that El has no powers only maximizes this to the fullest. Essentially they're now the exact same character trope/profile whatever you want to call it. El is now being bullied for being "different" and because she no longer has powers. We all know Will has been bullied since the womb 💀 Without her powers, El has a very difficult time defending herself, and so does Will in general. She can't vocally speak up for herself, the only time Will does is when Mike has ticked him off so bad, similar to El without her powers. They both just don't fit in. So why don't they also show Will being bullied? It goes back to how they clash, reiterating how they're the yin and yang, switching situations constantly. When Mike first gets to Cali, Mileven are all over each other leaving Will dilly dallying somewhere in the background and Byler eventually fighting. Then Mileven fight and Byler make up. Both Will and El want to hear something from Mike that he's isn't ready to say. He dances around the issue with the both of them - telling El she's incredible and he cares for her, telling Will they're just friends, and indicating their relationship didn't warrant regular contact. Same situation (I want Mike to reciprocate my feelings) different outcome (Mike doesn't love me, Mike can't admit we were best friends ((or more than that)) and his behavior is weird). This is not for no reason. Writers (and no it's not just the Duffers, so please stop shitting on the writing when if you look into it there's some good subtext) don't parallel characters for no reason. They are trying to indicate something. That Will and El are so alike but constantly stuck in opposing situations.

Okay so that's my in depth analysis of why Will and El are essentially the same character while simultaneously contrasting each other. Alter ego foils. Let's get to the ACTUAL point 😭

Superman

So, in the van scene, before Will gives his speech, Mike has his own little semi-speech and towards the end he says "...that I'm just some random nerd who got lucky Superman landed on his doortstep. I mean at least Lois Lane is a reporter for the daily planet, right?"

Now this may seem like a simple analogy, not knowing much about Superman. However, even when I only knew the basics and tropes, it still stood out to me that he referred to el as Superman, not Superwoman, wonder woman or Supergirl. I've seen a few people for and against this theory and it always revolves around the idea that El is a girl not a boy so it should be Supergirl. And yes, I think that partially helps this analogy, it gives it more attention to an average viewer; but that's not the only reason it works. In fact, I don't think that's the main point at all. It's also important that Mike refers to himself as Lois Lane. Now hear me out...

In the original Superman comics, and some iterations of it, Lois Lane falls for Superman because of his super powers and subsequent charisma/attractiveness, while befriending Clark Kent and not realizing they are the same person. Are we seeing this comparison? Please tell me I'm not crazy.

If it wasn't obvious, Mike = Lois Lane, Will = Clark Kent and El = Superman.

Here's a description of the "love triangle" between Lois, Clark and Superman. Yellow is Will, blue is Mike and green is El.

Now obviously, Superman and Kent really are the same person. However, I think there's plenty of support for the idea that Will and El are nearly interchangeable characters without the powers. So the Writers used a clever reference to indicate this love triangle (or at least I think they intentionally did lol).

What supports this theory more is Mike's descriptions throughout the seasons of El. He's references her super powers more than twice, referred to her as a "machine" a "weapon in s1". In S3 and S4 he has trouble saying ILY which on its own could be plenty of things but coupled with all of the other subtext... let's just say maybe I choose to be delusional. In the monologue, he refers multiple times to her super powers instead of like "i love your caring soul, your warming smile, how you are literally always there for us". No its "you can move mountains, fly, do anything" etc. Clear romanticization of her powers which she probably doesn't like and isn't a healthy thing in a relationship anyway.

Lois Lane has a close personal relationship with both Superman and Clark Kent, yet she's unable to tell that they're the same person. Even though the only thing being different is a pair of glasses and obviously super powers. This parallels how Mike is unable to differentiate between his feelings for Will and his feelings for El. They're confusing because he thinks he's supposed to like El because of society (Lois is primarily attracted to Superman first over Kent because of the allure he brings with his fame and powers, which relates to social standing) and that he can't like Will because of the obvious implications - being gay would give him hardship. For Lois Lane, it means she has a lower social status than if she were to be with Superman. The way El and Will have so many parallels I feel like this analogy is too blatant to not mean something. Especially considering this is a sci-fi action show and Superman would attract similar fanbases, so some of them would be able to make the connection.

+++It's also NOT a coincidence that he says this RIGHT before Will confesses his feeling VICARIOUSLY THROUGH El. It just can't be sorry.

Now obviously this is all speculation, but this next part is really speculation.

So how is Mike's behavior explained in the context of this Superman analogy?

Now that El lost her powers, Will and El are essentially two peas in a pod. If you analyze closely throughout the seasons you would catch on to it, but now more than ever. Mike has too. They call and write all the time so presumably they talk A LOT about A LOT of things. This gave him the time to understand El apart from her powers. Not only that but they were physically separated so even if she did have her powers, he still wouldn't be as affected by them. He finally gets to know her. And that's not to say he doesn't like her. Or even love her. He just doesn't romantically love her. And he realizes that once he's confronted her true self, and once he gets to Cali it's thrown right into his face (as he may or may not have been expecting) causing him to ignore Will. Even though he's never, even in s3, acted this nonchalant and apathetic towards Will. It's noticeable, probably noticeable enough for the general audience. A stark contrast even. Yes it could be the distance so they grew apart but we know from their talks in Vol 1 that it wasn't intentional. Mike says he lost Will. When's the last time he lost Will? In s2 with the Mind Flayer and in s1 with the abduction. How did he react? Negatively, but urgently tried to find Will. This time he reacts negatively but avoids fixing it. Why? Because he, at least on some level, has recognized his feelings for Will. Perhaps the similarities are so glaringly obvious that he feels stupid and naïve.

And one last thing to drive the point home.

Mike, in episode 8, refers to El as "superman". You can brush it all off as oh that's just the most popular superhero, etc. But in the VERY next episode, Argyle refers to her as "supergirl". It shows that Argyle sees her as a girl, not a boy. Not that Mike doesn't know she's a girl but that he chose not to refer to her as such. Someone else pointed out that he has referred to her as "person" multiple times throughout the series. I don't have the proof in that but if it's true it supports this. It also shows that the writers (may) have used the word Superman intentionally.

Well that was super fucking long but I would love to hear opinions if you've gotten this far!!! I don't think it's that far fetched but I am deluded so I truly can't tell lol.

[everafterkeiji]

Hi can i request a hcs for itadori,megumi and gojo react to their s/o death?.

Please Feel free to ignore this request if its triggering or u don't feel like writing it! Thank you<3

i love angst requests so it's really okay with me! thank you so much for requesting (ngl i did cry thinking abt yuji) and i hope u have a lovely day even if this was incredibly sad

𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐓𝐎 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐃𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐇

PAIRINGS: JJK BOYS x gn!reader

CHARACTERS: Itadori Yuji, Megumi Fushiguro, & Gojo Satoru

WORD COUNT: 2.7K

WARNINGS: heavy angst, character death, mentions of blood and panic attacks, as well wounds and bruises. mentions of Shibuya arc/implied location in Shibuya during that arc.

⟡ 𝐈𝐓𝐀𝐃𝐎𝐑𝐈 eyes dared to erase the sight ahead of him, his body was frozen—every sense began to fail for its purpose and nothing else was responsive except for the shout of your name that echoes through the battle field, the level of immensity to his voice that covers his throat with pain as every pace towards you was a step leading to a waste of a second that terrifies him the more his being tugged away by his own fears.

Dropping to his knees, he was numb to the sensation of the ache overwhelming his legs while he craddles you in his arms as every part of him shook with uncertainty, his hands didn't have the courage to hold you with as much as strength as he should've.

"..Y/N?" He whispers, a croak to his voice as if it was barely alive with droplets created from his sorrow began to trail down your cheek whilst your blood paints his hand in a hue he never expected to come from you. His mind was in the midst of being empty to a havoc that wanted to deny every rage in his system so he could love you even if he could tell how your chest wasn't rising the way it was supposed to do.

"Love?" Yuji calls out one more time as your eyes flutter subtly, signalling him not even an assurance for your state. His hand falls to your cheek, not caring if he couldn't hold you weakly because what matters more is that you held onto him. He painfully leans his forehead on yours, a loud sob escaping him with a struggle to catch up with his breath.

"Don't let me go, don't ever leave me, I beg of you, God!" He shouts as the gods grow concerned of the boy whose heart was wrecked to every piece as the sky began to cry with him. "Save them— God— Please! Stop taking everyone that I love and let me come with them." He begs, as he pulls you more as if the distance could've helped him better because even when you were close to him, he knew you were already at the farthest place that he couldn't reach. All that could be heard from him were screams where he forfeited ever begging for your life when everyone around seems to follow in your path.

"I'm so sorry, my love." Itadori confesses, arms tight around your figure as every beat of his heart began to die with you when all the seconds that he seemed to waste without you by his side began to haunt him. If he had gotten there sooner, maybe then he could've reminded you one more time that you were the energy—the surviving light in his life for him to exist without being told of his faith.

"I love you—so much so please remember that even when you're away." He couldn't even explain how his words manage to fall in such a manner, he could've sworn a second ago he only wanted to let time freeze so he could deny the view of your lifeless body that he miserably failed to save from the hands of death.

"I promise you, in the end, I'll be with you soon, Y/N." Itadori places a delicate kiss to your forehead, having no courage to leave the contact of your skin to his as his eyes went with the rain that poured over the two of you. He intertwines one of his hands with yours, shivering at the temperature he faces but with the other hand, he rests it on his cheek. Maybe if you looked at him now, you'd want him to smile because if you were the source of his reason to exist, Yuji's smile was the one to let your hearts worries disappear but sadly, the source has been removed from him and nothing else in the world could ever bring the joy in his smile no more.

"All I've ever wanted to do was to love you, so I hope you're willing to wait because when I see you.. I'm gonna embrace you with everything I've got," He then kisses the hand intertwined to his before he achingly pull his hand away and the regret closing on him but he had no other choice.

"And love you again and again, Y/N. Always and.. forever—like what we promised." Yuji, as torturous it was to let you go, he sets your hand that was on his cheek to your chest just like he did with the other before he ends his goodbye with a lasting kiss to your cheek.

"Stop crying, Yuji! C'mon smile for me, will you? I didn't come here to see you all gloomy."

And with the remaining memories left for him, it began to be the weak strings for his heart to compose itself because if he knows one thing that you hated, it was the sight of him crying.

So he smiles, the everlasting wish of yours being granted even if his body was corrupting as the love of his life enters a new realm where forever was possible for the both of you.

"We'll meet again, my love."

As he stood up, he hesitates to turn his back on you but once he does, the sun never looked the same to him ever again.

⟡ 𝐌𝐄𝐆𝐔𝐌𝐈 encounters a feeling that he's been through before—a course of emotions that has his body in a tight hold but now, it seems the hold on him was deadlier than the first time. Your name had left his lips, draining him of his exhaustion to run to you before you could fall, every fiber in his body was holding on to his fear. He didn't need to feel the ache in his legs that were covered in wounds because his mission was for you to perfectly land in his arms even if he had to risk getting more injuries.

His heart began to pace in frantic pace when he catches you, there wasn't a split second of joy that entered him just because he made it in time. Instead, his eyes widen in trauma at the sight of your dull eyes that looked above to the heavens sky.

"Hey—hey!" He shouts, trembling hands feeling every bit of your skin and ends with it down to your cheek. "Talk to me—anything, please!" Megumi pleads as a drop of your blood that came from your forehead started to flow onto his skin. He gulps with his breathing unable to coordinate with him as his head frenetically looks up, any sign of help could've been the better reach but they were just in the mere corner of a building in Shibuya.

"Y/N? Please say something." He whispers, furiously wiping his tears while he despises the warmth of your blood that paints his hands. "C'mon please, let me hear your voice one last time." He sobs on your shoulder, embracing you with every corrupting piece of his heart, looking for a beat from your rather cold ones. His hands go to your hair, caressing it so lightly that he felt it resembled glass from how careful he was. Your head was buried in his neck, eyes barely awake for him to ever find that heartbeat.

"I love you, did you hear me?" Megumi says, gulping in the grief. "Say it back to me like you always did, please?" He doesn't know that begging would've been his lasting choice—maybe someone up above would take some time to listen to his pleads and eventually bring the life to his lovers body once again for you to say you love him back a thousand times more.

"Hug me one more time, will you? You told me you loved to do that." He desperately wishes your arms could just return to the place he loved, wrapped around his neck as his hands were to be on your waist or to your cheek with a smile to your lips. Unfortunately, your arms were covered in their own bruises—latched with dark purple hues and tints of red from the debris of buildings and cursed spirits.

"We have to go, Megumi!" One of the sorcerers shout, he didn't even have the time to decipher who it belonged to but he sniffles, reaching for his phone typing a quick message to the others to be able to take you out of this place with somewhere more deserving of a beauty that has passed.

"I'm not going to say goodbye because I know you'll always be with me, right Y/N?" He takes your hands, placing it on your chest on top of each other as his tear lands on your temple. He softly wipes it away before he kisses your forehead, closing his eyes shut at his misery.

"I wish I could've saved you. I really wish I did." He sobs, forehead in tact with yours but he seems to receive a sensation to his body at the wind that came his way.

"You've saved me the minute you met me, my love." You wish you could've whispered to him but he took it as the wind was the only embrace he'll ever get now.

"And you saved me too." Panda walks in to this horrid scene as he feels the sympathy rush to him. Megumi looks up at him with the liveliness dying along with you as your lover delicately holds your cheek one last time before kissing you on your temple muttering one more time,

"I love you always."

Standing up was the second hardest thing he had to do because turning his back to you came at first as his knees threatened to fall but alas, he has to do continue on because that's what you would've wanted right?

"I love you, Megumi. I'll be here waiting for you."

And the upcoming battles for him to face were laced with rage and the never ending bitterness that love seemed to haunt him with.

⟡ 𝐆𝐎𝐉𝐎's phone rang as while he stops to stare at the caller. It was odd for him to receive a phone call from Megumi at this hour but he supposed it was probably for some guidance since they were sent to a mission. Being aware of their location, he didn't hesitate to transport as fast as he could to get there but there's this calling to him how it wasn't bound to be what he expected.

Panting heavily, Megumi ran with life on the line as he carried you in his arms without the ability to pace your breathing the same as his.

"GOJO-SENSEI!" He shouts with every power in his lungs the second Gojo had appeared, who stood stunned at the boy who was approaching him with a familiar figure.

"Y/N?" Satoru says, uncertain of what he just saw but when Megumi reached him, out of his breath as Nobara and Itadori followed behind him. His student places you in your lovers arm as he kneels down with a hand to your chest, alarmed at how your heartbeat was nowhere near notice. Fushiguro could see the worry in the mans eyes as he bites his lip in sympathy before telling the two to spare a moment for the so called strongest sorcerer who was now on his knees for only one person.

"We saw them being followed by a cursed spirit but they led Y/N to a trap." Megumi briefly explains as Gojo could only spare him a nod as your eyes would flutter once a while as the three students let them be.

"I warned you, didn't I?" He says, a low whisper as your hand weakly reach for his blindfold while Gojo's own rhythm of a heartbeat began to ache. Once he felt how you raised it with a cough of blood spoiling his uniform as his expression grow more frantic with every second.

"Hey there, pretty. You mind staying with me for a little longer?" He asked as if your ears were as attentive as it were before when his eyes stared back at your dazed ones. You didn't respond which was troubling him, what more was that your hand immediately dropped to your chest when he finally looked at you. A shakey sigh leaves Gojo while he rose, ready to fly you anywhere as long as you promised to stay.

"A little more please, can you do that for me?" He begs of you but instead, your head fell unconsciously in his arms with the threat of your eyes to close before he could ever look at you again, not too mention the flow of blood that came from your stomach that didn't seem to stop. He hasn't had the confidence to look at your body before because the fear on Megumi's face made him certain of how the damage had been rough on you. Up this close, he can see two massive wounds to your lower body as well as scratches on your forearms with some bruises on your wrist, hinting how their grasp on you was too strong compared to someone who was powerless.

The hue of his eyes appear to be less saturated than before and for the first time in the life of the honored sorcerer, his heart was irreparable and no amount of technique can reverse the way love his love for you had been the fault for your end.

Unknown to his own senses, his tears fall to your cheek as he pulls you closer like an embrace that didn't bring him his usual amount of comfort.

"Satoru, stop messing around!" You said as he spun you around, tight arms around his neck as he flew in the air, not bothering to listen to your protests of putting you down.

"I won't let you go, how could I ever do that to you?" He assures you, with his own arms tied to your waist with a bright smile on his face.

"And if I fall?" You asked him, glancing at the heights below you but Gojo only tucks a piece of hair behind your ear as you looked at him with the sun in your eyes since two lovers were up in the sky to reach for the clouds.

"I'll be there to save you."

But where was he when you fell from the skyscrapers?

"You hate me, I'm sure." He says biting his lip in agony as he buries his head to your chest, silent sobs and unsteady breaths coming from the sorcerer.

"I love you so much." Satoru breathlessly said. The head that was once on your chest began to move away when he heard nothing more than the silence that came from your heart. They were out to get you, how stupid was he to let you out of his sight just for a second? Maybe then he could've danced with you one more time, up in the sky for the two of you to conquer the heights of being in love.

"I'm so sorry, darling." He then kisses the side of your lip as his feet met in contact with the floor as the rest of the Jujutsu tech as Shoko lets out a saddened sigh.

"Wait for me okay? I'm not done loving you yet." He whispers to you one last time while he hands you over to Shoko as Megumi spares him a glance to notice how wretched his mentor looked.

"I have some things to do." Gojo announces, withstanding the grief to plot revenge to the ones who took you away from him as the rest didn't bother to object knowing there was no possible way to stop a man who had lost the love of his life in revenging your death. He disappears in a split second as the rest of the students didn't notice the tears that kept flowing from the person they look up to.

How can he be the strongest when he failed to protect his only weakness?

Until then, Gojo Satoru could only look at the sky to remember you since his infinity that he swore was to be spent with you died in his arms along with his lover.

[maschotch]

TW: SA

What are your thoughts on the fan headcanon that Foyet sexually assaulted Hotch when he attacked him? There are some things that lead to be accept the headcanon but I wanted to hear your opinion first

i’m very much of the mind that the attack in 5x01 was a sexual assualt scene. they make so many references to it that it’s hard to not look at it that way. im not sure if “implied in canon” is the same as straight up “canon” but it feels… more serious than a “headcanon” if that makes sense? like im not trying to trivialize it by just pulling this idea out of my ass and tacking it on my fav character.. it’s not exactly a topic that can be (or at least shouldn’t be) tossed around so casually. which is why, with characters like elle and hotch, i try to stick to references in canon that have strong connections to a subject that maybe they didn’t want to explore all the way. filling in the gaps, as it were

because there really is a lot to say on this. the attack in 5x01 is a very clear parallel to the fisher king attacking elle in her home in 1x22. while they don’t do a whole lot in the episode itself to insinuate sexual assualt, her conversation with reid in 2x05 resonates a lot with survivors of sexual assault. her words, the “i could feel him in there,” is such a disturbing reference that it’s hard not to read into that. her connection with lee’s victims in that episode—of women being ambushed and raped in their own home—is meaningful and definitely says something about her experience, her trauma

there’s even more evidence with hotch and foyet. again, we have these hypersexualized lines that have unsettling implications. “be gentle—like i was with you?” there are so many elements of the scene itself that allude to sexual assault—something i find incredibly disturbing. things like foyet stripping, laying over hotch, whispering in his ear, wanting him to be awake to feel it… there are some lines that definitely have some semblance, “it goes in so much easier when you relax,” but there are some lines where… honestly i don’t know what they mean if not a direct indicator of foyet raping hotch. “maybe this will change the way you profile.” there’s something so horrifying about the shot itself. sure they referenced it with elle in dialogue after the fact, but having to witness it? 

beyond the scene itself, the impact this attack has on hotch’s character as a whole, the effect on the greater storyline… it fits in too well to be a coincidence. they constantly bring up the significance of “power and domination” in foyet’s profile, and this is just something to take it to the next level. i talk a little more about it here, but the gist is that the stabbing wasn’t for power or anything like that—it was for intimacy. which is another point entirely: foyet’s “vows” to shaunessey, a commitment lasting a lifetime, shows exactly the way that foyet “gets off” on control. i think this is his twisted view of a kind of love

a sordid, violent love, but a love nonetheless. constantly observing the target of his affection, watching to see the effects of his advances. thinking about him every day and wanting hotch to think of him every day as well. making deals, contracts, promises, threats, all to prove his loyalty, his commitment to the relationship. living up to his word because that’s what will make them submit to his desires. dedicating entire sections of his life to his “relationships” and revolving his world entirely on them, fixating his attention. obsession, faithfulness, devotion… what else is love?  

i think this is genuinely what foyet chooses his love to be. and i think he’s found his soulmate in hotch. it grew on him, consumed him until foyet realized that this is the man whose life he wanted to intertwine with so completely that hotch will never be fully clean. i think it was because hotch resisted him so strongly that foyet was drawn in. the confidence in saying “we’ll find him. he’s just a man,” while looking foyet in the eye, the stubborn refusal of submitting to the deal, the declaration that foyet’s actions have nothing to do with hotch and are completely due to his own choices. it all intrigues foyet. he’s fascinated, he’s enthralled. he wants to see this man broken

hotch wasn’t as easy as shaunessy. it was a long game of cat and mouse, and foyet loved the chase. it makes the rewards so much sweeter. it makes foyet want to take his time, savor the moment, pull every last drop of misery out of hotch as he can. hotch is pushing him to go further, try harder, because he won’t back down no matter what foyet throws at him. their relationship is more intimate than it was with shaunessy, and foyet enjoyed pushing the limits—his own and hotch’s—to see how far they could go before hotch would finally break. i think sexual assualt would be in line with foyet’s actions. it seems like something he’d do, if not for his own pleasure then for the sake of “marking” hotch in every possible way

[akumaalert]

not a request just sharing bc i couldn't stop thinking of just "what if lucky called heis good boy" like how he calls her good girl sometimes but like.. i'm pretty sure he would break

This was supposed to be a mini-fic....but...uh....it'll likely be the first chapter of "Divergence" instead LMAO But hope you enjoy!

Good Boy

Karl Heisenberg x Reader, Explicit

CW: Masturbation, Accidental Voyeurism, Voyeurism, Happy Ending, Virgin!Karl Heisenberg

An AU happening during chapter 19 of "Heavy Metal Lover" but can be read without reading the main story.

"Unfh..."

That had been the first noise from Lucky besides the scratch of a pencil against paper that he had heard in about an hour.

Stuck in his office with her as he searched for a misplaced - not lost, just misplaced! - core schematic, Heisenberg tried to ignore the nagging thought of how domestic the space had become. Lucky never moved his things - something he was infinitely grateful for. He could recall too well his ever boiling frustration at having his room "cleaned" when living in the castle. The maids were well-meaning, but always adjusting. The room he had held would have felt more his own had he been able to move his own furniture around without the chambermaids fawning over him.

"No, no, young Lord Heisenberg! This is all wrong...off you go...go play...we will fix this mess."

Now on his own and in his element of chaos, he felt comforted, even if secretly so, that Lucky never seemed to complain.

Comforted...but cautious.

The day at the stronghold seemed stamped into his memory...right in the front for all to see. It remained a wonder Lucky didn't see it on his face.

The knowledge.

The horrible, horrible knowledge.

Love.

Staring at an old newspaper clip-out that he had saved with a picture of a modern car on its faded pages, he absently pushed the glasses back up his nose.

It tired him - the constant need to flip back and forth between acknowledging his feelings and thrusting them as far down as he could manage. Drowning them out with that beautiful sound of cinching machinery. Allowing them to seep into him with every laugh from her lips.

Heisenberg was starting to fall in love with the woman. The woman he had failed to kill - the lucky one to survive his maze. The woman his mother expected him to impregnate in order for Miranda's mad vessel to be born and to be killed all in the name of misery.

Misery otherwise known as Eva.

Slowly but certainly, Lucky was driving him insane. Reminding him of things he could never, ever have. Teasing him over and over for days on end.

Heisenberg remembered all too well his reason for entering the office. He had nearly sliced his own arm clean off his shoulder when he lost himself to his situation. To the possibility that, despite his body being so ill-suited for the task, Lucky could have his child. Would want his child. His thoughts, as they so often did, snapped back to the need for freedom - for the need for the arms to come loose from his latest corpse to transform them into one of his many soldiers.

But the more he thought of freedom, the more she sat in the background of his mind.

The more she sat there, the more his tired musings began to stitch together.

The more freedom and Lucky - the two dreams of his world - became intertwined.

He had been thinking of her - of Lucky - beside him the day that he won freedom from the village.

Won freedom...and her.

"You did it, Heis! You did it!"

Lucky would never know how dear it was to him...the fact that her emotions ran so freely with her very being. Beaming. She would do nothing less than beam at him. Her eyes would glow and crinkle at their tails as they did when she gave him her most genuine smiles.

"You did it. You're free. Our...our family is free."

"...family?"

She would grab his hand. Just one. He needed the other steady on her cheek.

Lucky would bring that hand clasped in her own to her belly.

"Our family..."

"Our...another...another Heisenberg?"

In his dreams, she shyly escaped his gaze to nod.

"You...you haven't been alone. Not with me. Not with the start of our family. But now...now, Heis..." Her eyes popped back up all soft and sincere. "Now you'll never be alone again. Not with our baby Heisenberg on the way..."

The only break from his reverie was the slice to one of his favorite stained t-shirts. Only the fact that it was Heisenberg's powers directing the saw had it falling to the floor instead of through his tensed skin.

Heisenberg could only stand in shocked silence. The arm that had been spared from the violence came to grab his shoulder. Though no injury had occurred, he felt stabbed all the same.

Family...and joy?

Lucky...with him?

Another Heisenberg...alive?

A thought washed over him like ice entering his veins.

A boy or a girl...would we have a boy or a girl first?

First.

As if Lucky wished to be objected to more of his perverted and preposterous daydreams.

When he left the room, the metal was still shaking.

"Gotta get that fucking schematic...keep forgetting it...keep going to the office and...fuck...keep talking to her. Gotta stop fucking talking to her. Schematic. Get the fucking schematic."

Lucky had been asleep in bed when he first entered. A rushing relief to his soul. But as the search for the schematic went from flipping through one file to frantically reshuffling the wayward stack the paper should have been in, he knew it was only a matter of time before she would appear.

"Oh...ah!" Lucky yawned all cute and squeaky. "Good morning, Heis."

"Morning," he said flatly. "You...you move any of these lately?"

"No," she said sleepily. "I don't touch those...way above my pay grade. What are you looking for?"

"Core schematic," he grumbled. "Not fucking here...where the hell did I put it?"

Though Lucky made a very pointless questioning noise, she said nothing as she sat down and began her daily transcriptions. Hell, he had been grateful. She showed concern because she was simply a good person beneath all of the trauma and the terror she had reigned on his self-image. But she didn't pry or attempt to enter his space afterward where she would clearly only be in the way.

But that was before her second moan filled the office.

"What's wrong with you?" he asked, never looking up from his stack of papers.

A frustrated sigh and a grumble came from the desk chair.

"Think I slept on my neck funny last night," she said. "Doesn't help that my posture is shit. Just making it impossible to find a good angle to work in."

Growing agitated at his fruitless search, Heisenberg whipped around to look at her. "Want some help?"

"Mmn?"

"Want a massage or something?" he offered. "A...ha! You'll find this funny. Supersized one up in the castle? Used to love to make me massage her neck when I was a kid. Fucking manual labor when I was barely old enough to write. Had maids to do it - an assload at that - and forced me to instead."

Raising an eyebrow at him, Lucky frowned. "Was it...did she...did she hurt you? Like...if you didn't do it?"

"Ah nah," he said, taking careful steps over to Lucky. "Told you...when I was a kid, I was off limits. I whine about it now...but...well...I was a kid. Bitch loves kids. So I had to massage her back...but only part of this stupid salon thing we used to do together. It was nothing. Stupid. Just like her."

He did not know what to make of Lucky's face. Tilting her head, she steadied a look on him that could only be called curious.

"It's...it's a good memory? Of Alcina when you were small?"

Heisenberg scoffed.

"It's a memory," he said, standing behind Lucky with a wide stance and an even wider stare at her neck. "Not good or bad...just...there. Now...where's it hurt, kid?"

Raising a hand, Lucky placed her fingers on a section of her neck before swirling her touch.

"Ah...there...like just this one spot, but fanning out..."

"Okay...looks like your C7."

"My what now?"

Chuckling, Heisenberg moved her hand out of the way. "Your C7 vertebrae. Duck your chin down so I can get in here properly."

Doing as she was told, Lucky's head moved forward and Heisenberg placed his gloved hands against her neck. His thumbs encased the pained area and began to move in slow yet sturdy circles.

Lucky immediately began squirming.

"Can you maybe try without the gloves?" she asked. "Those are like...rough or something."

Casting off his gloves quickly, Heisenberg rolled his shoulders before trying again. "Wah, wah, wah...doing you a favor and you're out here complaining. That better, your highness?"

"Yes, actually," she said, relaxing. "And thank you. Asshole."

Puffing air out of his mouth, Heisenberg merely shook his head as he kneaded her skin.

"Mmn!"

Heisenberg tried to hide his stillness by immediately starting to massage her skin again.

But the noise could not be ignored.

"What was that?"

"Your hands...they're so warm. Fuck...feels good."

"Oh..." he said dumbly. Blinking down at her, he turned his head away as he kept his fingers in motion.

The fact that his cock had begun to waken in his pants was not lost on him.

"Are you using your electric powers? Is that why it feels so good?"

"Nah...really shouldn't do that on the living above the waist."

Above the waist...but below the waist...

"Ah," he continued, running his teeth over the scar on his lower lip. "Cause of the heart or whatever. Probably your brain too from this angle. Could fry both without meaning to. And I was working...earlier. Probably why they feel hot."

Lucky sighed as he continued to work her neck. His fingers were sweeping but slow. He had started off so intently and so rough. What had happened?

I felt her skin. Felt her beneath me. Felt her neck...for all she knows I could snap it right now and instead of being afraid she's welcoming me...she trusts me...trusts me enough to let me do this...

The next round of his fingers on her neck dipped into skin purposeful in their worship.

Her response was immediate.

"Oh...oh...good boy," she whispered.

To say he was lost for words was like calling water wet.

Though he kept his massage in a rhythmic round, his eyes were wide as they could possibly be behind his glasses. So wide that they hurt.

What the hell did she just do to me?

If he had to go off of physical injury, he would say she punched him in the stomach with all the force of a train running at full speed.

If he had to go off of an attack to his psyche, he would say she wormed her way into some long buried and forgotten wire that sent his entire brain into overdrive.

If he had to go off the erection now straining against his paints, he would say that he was royally fucked.

"You really are so good at this," she said, her voice still breathless. "Good boy...my good boy, Heis."

Heisenberg snatched his hands away as if Lucky were lava.

"Wait! No...what's wrong?" she asked, turning slightly to look at him.

If she looks down...if she sees...

"GOTTA TAKE A SHIT!" he exclaimed suddenly.

Lucky's mouth dropped open as she gaped at him.

Then she nodded with a laugh playing at her lips.

"Yeah. Go. Just come back and finish your massage."

Before he could finish blinking, he found himself storming down the hallway.

Well...intending to storm. His gait was impacted a bit by his dick standing at full mast and his hands hurriedly attempting to unbuckle the straps around his pants.

So FUCKING dumb. A shit? Really? he thought, visibly grimacing. It would have probably been less embarrassing to admit I was about to jack it to her calling me hers.

Hers...her good boy...good...I'm her good boy...hahaha...

What am I? A fucking dog?

...don't answer that.

Rushing into the break room, he considered the couch before catching sight of the bathroom. With a flick of one wrist as his other hand pulled his cock from his underwear and pants, Heisenberg slammed open the bathroom door.

He managed to slide his pants down his legs as he sat on the toilet and closed the door with the weakest of hand movements.

Finally free from judgment, Heisenberg hissed as he fumbled his glasses to the nearby counter and took himself into his hand.

"Good boy...her good boy...fuck...fuck yeah I am, baby..."

A groan and a grunt fell from his lips as he jerked his hand along his shaft.

All too often this act had been nothing but release from tension. An exploration so technical and so tedious as to be boring. But now with Lucky at his side and in his bed - however platonically she slept there - the images that plagued him seemed vibrantly real and tempting in their joyful teasing.

Imaginings - hopes and dreams and fantasies - that he could only cling onto in the moment.

The desk.

He would take her right on that same desk she was taking notes on.

"Oh, Karl," she would say, despite not knowing his first name. "Gonna be my good boy?"

"Yes," he said aloud, eyes closing and mind prickling with sights of her and waves of pleasure.

Lucky would be splayed on his desk - lying on her back and presenting herself to him as if she were a meal to be consumed instead of a darling treasure to worship.

"That's good...only good boys are allowed to fuck me. Isn't that what you want?"

"Yes...yes...god fucking damnit. YES." Huffing and hating the tremble in his thighs, Heisenberg bucked into his hand. "Yes...only me...wanna be your good boy. I'll be so good for you. Only you, Mein Schatz..."

A dirty laugh from her lips. The Lucky of his dreams becoming more and more defined as she palmed one breast and teased her clit with the fingers of her other hand.

"Mmm...know what you're saying you know...my treasure...that's so cute...been feeling the same way about you lately...thinking of you...dreaming of you...my good boy want to tell me what else he's been feeling? Mmn? Big boy wanna tell me before you put your cock inside of me?"

Lips loose along with his pleasure, Heisenberg found he could not build his voice to say the words aloud.

So he mouthed them instead. Mouthed them and stuttered in his quest for pleasure as his hand curled about his shaft at the "lah" tipping silently from his tongue.

"Oh, darling..." A smile. She'd smile. Genuine and sweet and sincere and all for him. "I love you too, Karl."

"Mmnnn....ah...fu-UCK!" With a panicked inhale, Heisenberg quickly pinched the head of his cock to prevent his end from coming too soon. "No, no, no...not yet...not yet...please..."

Though the pleasure was unlike anything he had previously experienced and his calves clenched in protest of a release delayed, his oncoming orgasm stalled and began to fade.

"Such a good boy," said Lucky, eyeing him in his fantasy like she would look at a drink of water on a hot day. "That's right. You don't come until I tell you to. Understand?"

A nod of his head.

"Good, good boy. My good boy. Good Karl. Come on...think it's time you got your treat...here...I'll help you..."

With her fingers moving to fully expose the inside of that wet and preciously pink pussy of hers, Lucky looked up at him with a lidded look.

Heisenberg had no experience with another person when it came to handling his physical pleasure. Hell, with any pleasure or positive feeling at all. Except maybe the triumph of victory over others, he had never had the chance to experience happiness - true happiness and trust and faith in another soul.

Until her.

And for her...for her he would indulge and give himself freely...if only locked away inside of his mind.

Inexperience taking a back seat to passion, he pictured himself guiding his cock into her waiting and welcoming body. Maybe he would steady himself with a hand on her hip or simply with a heated stare into her eyes.

He all but strangled his cock to try to mimic a feeling he had never known and had never thought to miss before her.

"Uh-huh," whined Lucky in his dreams. "Oh...you're so big...fill me up just right. So fucking thick..."

"Hah...ah...your good boy big enough for you?"

"Yes...oh yes...yes...so big...such a perfect dick...please...please Karl...Heis...please, baby, please...Heis?"

When he began to rut into his own hand with a purpose, he felt flames like that of standing directly beside the blaring crucible dancing across his cheeks. Though some of his daydream seemed vague and hard to read, he had enough to know that he could not delay the inevitable for much longer. Lucky - the real and actual Lucky - was still waiting for him back in the office. Waiting and none the wiser to his desperate need for her affection. It sickened him - the want for anything and everything to do with her.

Sickened him...and sent electric shocks of white pleasure down his spine.

"So fucking perfect...you're so fucking perfect for me, Lucky...oh..."

"Heis..."

"Huh...ah...already so close...so damn worked up...can't stand it...can't stand you looking like that..."

"Like what?"

Heaving and heatedly squirming where he sat, Heisenberg noticed for the first time that one of his boots jutted up and down on the floor beneath him. As if his entire body refused to be still.

"Most beautiful fucking thing I've ever seen," he bit out. "Please...please, Luck...I know it's soon...but please..."

A tilted head and a gentle grin. A pointer finger that danced around her clit and drew his eyes away only long enough for her to breathe out shallow and short. His eyes snapped back to hers immediately.

"Please what?"

"Please let me come...let me come inside you...wanna...wanna take you...claim you...don't want you with anyone else ever again."

Glinting eyes and lush eyelashes.

"You're gonna be all that to me, Heis? Well...in that case..."

Her lips finding his own. His very first kiss - albeit imaginary. Her lips soft but without taste. His own lips puckering even as they trembled from the need for more.

"In that case," she continued, taunting him in his ear. "Come, Heis. Be a good boy and come for me."

Hindsight would have him chastising himself for not thinking to grab some tissue. In the moment, however, he was too busy panting and watching his cum dot the floor in thick strips. Heisenberg growled...tried to hold on to the image of her with one eye still closed.

Reality settled in on him. Settled in even as his stomach quivered underneath his shirt and his orgasm began to relax into his bones. It was pleasant and his every nerve seemed to stand on edge. Tingles of pleasure radiated from his chest to his feet flat against the floor. Gulping in air, he knew he had never come so hard before in his life. It was good...great even.

But it was not her. It was not enough.

Clean up was a quick and tedious affair. Lucky could not know what he had done in her quarters. The tissues he found too late to wipe his seed from the floor were tossed and flushed away. He checked the room once and then again once his shades were back on his face.

Finishing the belt at the top of his pants, he cleared his throat before exiting.

The television in the break room still hummed though it sat completely dead in the meager light from the ceiling.

Shit...glad she wasn't in here. Never had anyone here to care about when I got down to business...no telling what my powers do with electronics...

The schematic. He had to find that damn schematic.

Trying to level his breathing as he stalked the hallway, Heisenberg considered the day before him. Lucky had not wished to attend a revitalization attempt with him yet. While he didn't intend to push her into seeing something that might scar her again, it might be worthwhile to have her eyes in the room at some point. She hadn't complained about the notes yet. Maybe he should offer? Make it sound like a small deal and let her in when it was near completion? Give her a taste before exposing her to more?

Fucking stupid...it's all so fucking stupid...what happened to me? If she were any assistant, I would just drag her ass there and have her record the whole thing. Fuck me with all this concerned shit.

But she's not just any assistant...

Entering the office, he stilled at the doorway when he saw Lucky facing him from her chair.

"Uh...hey," he said, licking his lips. "Sorry about that. Took...ah...let's just forget it."

"Actually," she began. "I need to be honest with you. Because of what happened before..."

Eyebrows shooting up, he stood in silence before she continued.

"Um...so...I was sitting here...sitting here and trying to rub my neck or whatever..."

"Yes?"

"Well...the radio came on and it freaked me out a little bit..." She paused, her fidgety look dropping to the floor. "But...the more I listened...the more I...recognized your voice."

"My...my voice?"

"Yes."

Heisenberg could not move. He shouldn't be looking at her, but he was afraid if he blinked that the tension would break and she would begin laughing or cursing or, worst of all, apologizing.

"Umm...it...I heard you. And I guess you were...I guess it was real time." A tent of her fingers and a swallow in her throat. "I heard your comment and responded and...I think...I think you could hear me too. Possibly? You seemed to...seemed to be replying to what I said directly."

Shame. Shame for a million years fell on his shoulders that had felt so light before.

"Where?" he managed to say. "Where did you come in? What comment did you respond to?"

How she looked at him, he had no idea. She was far braver than he could ever be. Heisenberg planned to face down Miranda without a single hesitation one day on that glorious battlefield where his freedom could be won.

But now? Faced with Lucky standing and walking toward him with the full weight of her eyes upon him?

He looked away.

"You said...you asked me if my good boy was big enough for me."

The purr in her voice. The sound of her steps growing closer. The burn in his throat.

"After that," she said. "I called your name...I...responded to you and you to me."

"That didn't...I..." He shook his head. "I...umm..."

"Can I hold your hand?"

Head shooting up, Heisenberg caught her heated look. The same heated look she had worn in his dreams.

He nodded. Nodded even though he barely registered it until she took his hand and steps to press herself flush against him.

When she spoke, it was hushed and low.

For him and him only.

"I'm going to go to the bathroom...freshen up. Since we know you can communicate from the radio to the television...I want you to tell me when it's okay to come back here. I'm giving you two options."

Heisenberg hung on her every word and looked at her as if she controlled his every movement.

"The first...you can leave. Can give me enough time to go there...find what you were looking for...then tell me you're off to do whatever. I won't mention this again. We won't mention it."

Silence fell between the two of you. A crackle of the radio to the side of the room.

"And the other option?" he asked, voice nearly breaking.

A shy look. A happy tilt of her lips.

"The other option...you can rest for a bit before I come back here and make whatever fantasy you were having come true."

A mouth drier than dry left his tongue feeling too large. Too large and too needed to swipe across his lips.

"You don't have to answer now-"

"The second one," he said. "Second one. Want that one. Screw the first one."

A bright and happy smile. A smile that crinkled the tail of her eyes and lit up her face.

She was beaming at him. Squeezing his hand before parting from him.

Not for long...not for damn long if he could help it.

"You give me the word then, good boy," she teased, walking out of the room.

Legs nearly buckling and sending him to the ground, Heisenberg took uneasy steps to his office chair before throwing himself on it. His entire body buzzed, though it seemed far less like electricity and far more like promise and hope. Not love on her end...not yet. But a maybe. Potential.

More.

Grinning stupidly and looking at the desk, he made quick work of clearing the area for the fun he planned on having from his daydream to come true.

As soon as he picked up the recorder Lucky used to transcribe his notes, Heisenberg saw it.

That damned schematic.

His last visit to this same room. A note on said schematic stating "DON'T FORGET" in large words. A note he carelessly put there before guiding Lucky to sit down to look at her transcriptions and laugh with her over the sixth stable boy in one week to die of drunken stupidity.

Quietly and contentedly, he opened the desk drawer to stuff the schematic inside.

"Mmn...don't think I'll need you for a while yet actually..." Eyeing the radio on the wall, Heisenberg tossed his glasses to the table and tried to slick and perfect the wiry hair about his head. "Oh, Lucky, honey...room is ready whenever you are...and so is your good boy."