#like is this an early 2000s rom com GET OUT OF HERE WITH THAT SHIT

[autumnrory]

the time traveler's wife feels like such a great concept but like. you made it so creepy

[alisonwritesimagines]

Second Chance ~Logan Howlett Imagine~

Summary: Logan meets you. A variant of his dead wife.

Author’s Note: I won't lie, Hugh Jackman was hotter in the early 2000s.

Part Two

Reader’s Pronouns: She/Her

Warnings: SPOILERS FOR DEADPOOL AND WOLVERINE, mentions of character deaths, mentions of sexual innuendos

Do not repost this anywhere!

A new start for Logan was just what he needed. And thanks to the TVA, Laura was able to join him in the universe Wade was originally from. So this was a new start for the two of them. And to celebrate their success in saving the universe, Wade decided to have a pizza dinner party with all his friends so Logan and Laura can get to know them.

"We are missing one more person," Wade noticed as he looked around.

"Y/n will be coming soon. She had to deal with something first," Yukio tells him.

"Thank you, Yukio," Wade smiled at her.

"Y/n?" Logan asked Wade.

"Oh you are going to love her. Everyone does," Wade tells him. "You too Mary Puppins."

Ten minutes later, you finally showed up.

"As an apology for coming late, I made my famous brownies!" You announced as you handed the plate with the chocolate goods to Negasonic Teenage Warhead.

Logan looked over to see that the stranger who walked in felt like a walking corpse to him. His smile drained from his face as he stared at you who was greeting the people you knew.

"Y/n! I want you to meet our new friends! Logan and Laura," Wade said. It felt like a cheesy rom com slow motion turn to Logan. But he was still enchanted by your beauty.

"It's nice to meet you both," you smiled at them.

"It's nice to meet you too," Laura said as she shook your hand.

"Please excuse me," Logan said as he walked out. Your smile fell a little as you watched the man walk out. You looked back at Wade who had a confused look as well.

"I will be right back. But here. Meet Mary Puppins," Wade said as he handed the dog over to you.

Wade rushed out of the apartment to find Logan outside.

"Hey! What was that? You just ran out on one of the best people I have ever met. She is tied with Peter and Yukio," Wade tells him.

"I didn't realize you had a version of her here," Logan tells him.

"What are you talking about?" Wade asked him.

"Y/n. She was my wife in my universe," Logan explains to him.

"No shit. You were married?" Wade asked him in shock.

"She was also killed because of me."

"This one is different."

"And how's that?" Logan asked him.

"She's a really big badass here," Wade tells him.

"She was in my universe too. But I still let her and everyone down."

"This one could be different."

"I don't know."

"Why don't you come back upstairs and have pizza and get to know her?" Wade offered.

"I think I'm gonna stay out here for a bit," Logan tells him.

"Alright."

Wade headed back upstairs, leaving Logan all alone. Not fifteen minutes later, you came outside with a plate of pizza and a brownie piece and a beer.

"You are missing the pizza and my brownies which Wade was mostly eating all of them," you tell Logan as you handed the food and drink to him.

"Thanks."

"Are you okay? Did I do something?" You asked him.

"No. It's just... you look like someone and it's bringing back some memories for me," Logan tells you.

"Oh. Do you want to talk about it? If it makes you feel better, Wade has told me weirder things and more depressing things," you tell him. Logan let out a small chuckle.

"Maybe not now. I'm sorry for running out while you were introducing yourself."

"That's okay. Let's reintroduce ourselves. I'm Y/n. It's nice to meet you," you smiled at him.

"It's nice to meet you too. I'm Logan."

"Hi Logan. So, did you have to suffer with Wade alone for a couple of days too?" You asked him. Logan laughed a little.

"Yeah. I did."

"I can tell. You have a tired look on you," you laughed a little. Logan smiled softly, hearing your laugh. It was no different from his universe's you.

"You know, the party is upstairs and we are missing it," you tell him.

"That's true. Let's go," Logan said as he followed you back upstairs.

During the party, you sat next to Vanessa as you both were catching up. Logan kept looking at you whenever he could as he talked to Laura.

"You like her," Laura tells Logan loud enough for only him to hear.

"Come on kid," Logan groaned a little.

"She's pretty. And Wade talked to her about letting me stay with her and the other X-Men," Laura tells him.

"Really?"

"Yeah. Apparently she's a good teacher both education wise and powers wise," Laura tells him.

"She always was," Logan said, looking back at you. Your eyes met Logan's, making you smile at him.

"Oh he's cute. You should totally get with him when you can," Vanessa encouraged.

"You think I should?" You asked her.

"Yes! Plus he's handsome," Vanessa nudged.

"And his abs are amazing," Wade mentioned to you. You looked at Vanessa who also had the same look of interested with you.

At the end, you grabbed your bag and jacket before saying goodbye to Blind Al and Wade.

"You ready to check out the school?" You asked Laura.

"Yeah."

"Can I actually ask you something before you leave, Y/n?" Logan asked you.

"Sure. What's up?" You asked as you walked over to him.

"Would you like to go on a date with me sometime?" Logan asked you. You felt your cheeks heat up as you smiled happily.

"Yeah. I'd like that. Here's my number," you tell him as you wrote it down really quickly for him.

"Call me."

"I will."

"Alright. I'll see you soon hopefully," you tell him.

"See you soon."

"Bye, Logan," Laura waved at him before following you out.

"So, are you two just going to adopt Laura and start a family?" Wade asked him.

"Leave it."

"Just letting you know, she likes it rough in bed."

"You and her had sex?"

"Nope. But I did overhear her and Vanessa talk about what they liked in the bed one time," Wade tells him. "And trust me. She may look sweet and innocent, but she is a bit of a masochist."

[oriley42]

long time reader, first time caller! i just read all of “adventures in polyamory” after watching approximately 3 episodes with amber in them, and it breaks my heart that you made me fall in love with her wilson-style (with reckless immediacy) while the way she’s depicted in the show is so…woman written in the 2000’s…so i’m here to shake a tin cup and ask for any amber headcanons you’d be willing to share

hello and welcome from KZ-HouseMD, the radio station for all your hatecrime-hits! ;) <3

loving Amber is so painful and so worth it; we will punch through the Noughties' misogyny together babes 🌈

headcanons and over-explanations ahoy!!

Amber's got a WASP-y background, and has spent her life both living up to and rejecting these standards. Unlike Wilson, who is delusionally attached to the idea of being Good and Normal but is unhappy living the reality, Amber recognizes that these concepts are absurd performances HOWEVER she logically recognizes that they come with benefits--and she wants those. "Love and respect" seemed impossible, because respect comes with being the best according to society's rules, and love couldn't survive that stifling environment. Now, she can hold on to the respect she craves: money enough to feel safe, wearing pearls and skirts to look proper and upper-middle-class femme, having a handsome-doctor-man-partner, an MD of her own + also still be herself, including un-ladylike cruelty, dishonesty, being part of House's chaotic evil orbit, sexual freedom, atheism, etc.

Amber has spent 110% of her life trying to get enough success to feel safe and stable and happy, so she hasn't developed interests and hobbies because who has time for that give me another coffee and another go at that medical text

Related: Amber hates everything about organized sports, but if she had the time and a friend (*cough* Thirteen) she could be one of those sapphics who gets incredibly obsessed with a women's soccer team or the WNBA

Also related: a sufficiently "productive" hobby I think she'd love is antiquing. Waking up at six AM to drive three hours and wait outside an estate sale and then barge in and make a grab for that antique bureau, fighting off old ladies and viciously snarling down the price--bloodsport for classy femmes!

Amber is a basic chocolate girlie. Caramel is a close follow-up. Vanilla is fine, and she'll pretend to like fancy amaretto or pistachio flavors etc but really she would prefer an Oreo. (Or two...) She will eat max veggies for Health tm and the spiciest food to prove she is Tough tm but really just wants a grilled cheese. A chicken nugget. A spaghetti. Food sensitivities + eating disorder, though she'll only barely cop to the latter, and will not be exploring the former thank you very much she's fine

Amber gets along well with older kids, where she can take on the role of Cool Babysitter, but I think she's secretly a little terrified of being left alone with the tiny incomprehensible, breakable ones, who don't follow the social contract yet and rely on her (!) for self preservation

Amber is naturally a night owl, but medical-land is all early bird, so she's mainly been sleep deprived for the last decade, since she refuses to have a 10 PM bedtime just because she has to get up at 5 AM to make her shift.

Amber's not that interested in fiction ("who has time for that in this reality?") but she ironically enjoys rom-coms for the absurdity, the laugh factor, and the easy comfort of a formula + unironically enjoys action movies because she likes seeing people get punched in the face repeatedly

Amber should take Taekwondo lessons so she can beat the ever-loving shit out of people for fun, and maybe she will after she realizes that the Lulu Lemons in her yoga classes are unbearable, and instead befriend some weirdos gathering at the local gym to spar (Wilson would think this is a great and very attractive idea, House would be annoyed+scared+horny because jesus now he has to wear an athletic cup full-time or she'll crush his nuts for target practice, won't she, c'mon Wilson it's not funny)

okay hitting the brakes here before this gets so long it demands a read-more! 😜 thanks for the ask <333

[miasanmuller]

I was tagged by on this one by @acrazybayernfan and really liked the idea so here we are now :) Thanks a lot for tagging me Lise!!

tea, coffee, or soda? Coffee runs in my veins in a probably unhealthy manner. But I like tea too lmao

dogs or cats? I used to be a dog person until I adopted a cat, which promptly turned me into a cat person. I love dogs, I love to pet other people’s dogs, but I can’t see myself having one now. Idk cats bring a completely different kind of entertainment that I love lol

can you play an instrument? Nope, not even sing (which obviously does not stop me from trying).

what’s your sign? Pisces

first song lyrics that pops into your head? I’m free to be the greatest, I’m alive / I’m free to be the greatest here tonight

do you have any tattoos? Nope

favourite place you’ve travelled? Hmm I don’t think it’s a favorite place but it’s a favorite trip: to Cuiabá in 2018 to take part in a congress. I went with my boyfriend and it was super fun (not the congress lmao that part sucked a lot) but we went to a lot of fun places and idk it was cool and we got to spend a lot of quality time together. I wish we could make another trip like that.

what’s the last movie you’ve watched? I think it’s I Know What You Did Last Summer LMAO. For context me and a couple friends get together on Discord to watch movies from time to time so we can chat and talk shit during the movie, and we tend to chose 90-early 2000s rom-coms or classic horror, and this one kinda fits into both so it was an obvious choice lol. Now I’m trying to get them to watch Close Encounters of the Third Kind this weekend.

do you have any hobbies? Listening to music and singing along, going for walks, talking to myself, playing video games, reading Wikipedia articles and then completely forgetting about them, drawing, writing, cooking, baking and unfortunately watching football.

what languages do you speak? I can actually speak Portuguese, English and Spanish and I like to believe I can speak German like a... 6 year old. But it’s probably worse than that. Also a bit of Italian but I’m still learning.

you can hang out with one fictional character for an hour, who do you choose? Oh this is really difficult hmmmm idk maybe Jon Snow from ASOIAF so I could personally push him over the Wall and get myself rid of that prick permanently

compliment yourself! Omg Ander you’re so funny

As usual I never know who to tag so... I’m tagging @ysommer @shrimpeon @colorsofmyseason @smilesleepandspeak and @de-ligts but yall are free to completely ignored this if you will x)

[captaindodson]

7AM confessions (t.h oneshot)

Synopsis: You just finished working a graveyard shift at your summer job. Just as you’re about to get into your car to leave to sleep the weekend away, a familiar face appears to confront you on what happened. 

Paring: Tom Holland x Gender Neutral!Reader

Word Count: 2.4k+ 

Warnings: Angsty (?), Swearings??

Once your apple watch displayed 7 AM you knew the long week you had was finally over. The assembly line filled with car parts ready for inspection remain still and untouched as everyone switches off with the next group of shift workers who are already coming onto the floor. Luckly, its Friday, so you get to sleep the weekend away and reset your sleep schedule for your last week of shifts before the fall semester starts. You tidy up your small station and when you think you’ve done enough you turn around to leave and then you see your co-worker/work friend Raj approaching. You both wear matching white hard hats, blue gloves, white jackets, dark blue work pants, and brown steal toed boots.

“Hey, how was this morning,” Raj stops a few feet away and raises his hand to fist bump and you happily reciprocate before sliding your hands into your jacket pockets.

“It wasn’t a bad night, Lauren didn’t come in tonight cause she was sick with a stomach bug. Oh I did finally registered for my university courses during my break, and I got so lucky with my extra circulars.The moment I went to register there was only one spot left for the ones I wanted.”

Raj just nods and glances around the work station, inspecting to see you cleaned it to his standard. You notice his wandering eyes but you aren’t bothered by it. You’ve been in that position where you have to work a long eight hours on your feet and the person before you at your assigned station leaves it a mess and you’re stuck cleaning it for the first hour of your shift. So after he finishes inspecting he meets your eyes and nods in approval.

“Oh shit really? I should probably do that sooner rather than later. I’ve been going to university for three years and I almost always forget every time  to register on time,” He replies.

“Don’t you have your final research seminar and reading seminar this year? I thought certain classes had a small capacity?”

“Oh. Well guess what I’m doing during my lunch break,”

You lightly laugh at him as the sound of a warning buzzer echoing through the factory floor goes off. You look around and see that most, if not all of your night shift people are already off the floor and you take this as your cue to leave.

“Anyway, talk to you later Raj,” he gives you small smile in response and steps around you to get started. You make your way off the floor and to your designated locker, providing some of the people from dayshift a warm smile as you walk past them.

You walk through a pair of white double doors which leads into a a bright baby blue hallway which eventually guides you to where the designated bathrooms are with the lockers. When you get to the end of the hall you turn left and head into the female washroom where the you’re met with an empty room. Usually, when everyone’s shift ends they’re rushing to get out (and you’re no exception). You would normally find yourself squeezing by people and dodging elbows trying to get to your locker but today is different. Staying behind for an extra few minutes to talk actually lets you take your time for once. By taking your time it also means the parking lot won’t be backed up as usual and you can drive home without any major delay to sleep your weekend away. That’s the only thing you have to look foreward to, your bed because there is no one at home, no roomates, no pets, no boyfriends, no nothing. The place you were at two months ago was totally different from where you are now. You lived abroad in London with your then boyfriend for six months until you broke it off because you were lost. 

You had to get out because your identity slowly became tightly intertwined with the person you were with. Everything revolved around them and their job and you were going no where in life. Your dreams were pushed to the back of your mind as you stayed in fancy hotel suites, alone waiting for your ex-boyfriend to come back from an exhausted day on set to only desperately try to keep his eyes open when you two watched a movie or went out for a night on the town.

He really did try his best to make your time with him exciting even if he was burn out from working all day. He made small dates in your hotel room feel magical. He had your hotel room decorated in fairy lights and planned a romantic dinner looking over the city you two stayed in. He made love to you in the early hours of the morning to the organy rays of the morning sun. Or another time, when he wasn’t allowed to leave the hotel at all, he took you to the hotel roof to slow dance under the stars to music playing from that headphones you two shared. You’d pay a million dollars to experience these small moments over and over again.

Over a weekend back in London by yourself while Tom had to catch a flight last minute to do film re-shoots in LA, you decided to have a self-care night.  After lighting some candles, ordering take-out, dimming the lights, and scrolling through Netflix to finally find a good-feel show, you finally sit comfortably on the couch and relax. You found a generic rom-com from the 2000’s that looked mildly interesting and even if the plot wasn’t any good you could still get a good laugh about it.

As the movie progresses and the main character struggles to choose between a boy and her dream job you find your mind slowly loosing focus with what is happening on the screen and  reflecting it back into your own life. After a few seconds pondering you realize something,  had no idea what you wanted to do. You were in your early twenties, you were doing school part-time online with a program you liked but you spent most of your time with Tom. Traveling to country to country to join him while he filmed, staying in hotel rooms waiting for him, sometime visiting set when you were allowed too, it was truly an exciting and calming lifestyle.

Even though you believed you finally found the guy that you could spend the rest of your life with, a second family you got along with, a place you could see yourself settling down in, you didn’t have anything for yourself. When you thought you of trying to return to in-class schooling with a larger course load and renting a place for the semester and trying to sustain a long-distant relationship with someone in the limelight, it just stressed you out. You knew it wouldn’t be easy and just seeing how deflated Tom looked when he returned to you after working, you knew the relationship would push him to his limits.

Even after initiate moments you realized how tired and over worked he was. The look in his eyes when he had to leave for work the next morning couldn’t go unnoticed.  You felt your heart squeezing itself and your breathing became heavier. You would never want to cause Tom any pain on your behalf, and you can’t continue to drag your feet with your education because you felt like you . So, you did what you did best, shut someone out and leave. You made up lie about how this relationship wasn’t working on your end, broke it off and flew back to the town where you had been attending school online. Scrambling enough money together to buy a used car and a small studio apartment and apply to as many jobs as you could. You got lucky, that when you were applying that a car factory needed more summer students and they were paying their workers a decent living wage and you just jumped on it. The job helped you get settled but it also helped ignore the small amount of regret you felt. It is too late to turn around now and now you must live with your choices. 

You shake yourself out of a daze you didn’t realize clouded your mind, and it seems your feet have carried you to the front of your small grey locker. It looks like what all typical high school lockers look except half the size. You raise your hand to the lock to do one full twist to the right, one full twist to the left, and half a twist to the right again and my the lock pops off with a light pull.

You reach in to collect your phone, black spring jacket, dark blue water bottle, then you reach into your jacket pocket to fish out your car keys. You hum in satisfaction when you feel the cool metal of your keys in your pocket. You drape your jacket over your arm as you shut the locker quietly and slide the lock over the hook and push it shut. You proceed to continue to follow the baby blue hallways until you’ve reached the double glass doors of the exit. You push open the glass door and is met with a cool morning breeze also paired with a peach colored sky.

You make your way across the concrete of the parking lot, following the line of different coloured cars parked next to each other, eyes wandering at the different licence plates, soaking up the calmness of the morning sun until you stop dead in your tracks. You look up to see someone leaning on the hood of your car. This person is dressed in some blue jeans, a black hoodie, dark red hat, and it seems they’re just casually looking down and scrolling through their phone unaware of your presence a couple feet away. You think for a minute before speaking, should you just walk back inside and get someone to confront this guy or should you just do it yourself? I mean it is your car in a private parking lot, someone will hear you scream right? After a few seconds go by you just say fuck as the longer you stand here the less time you get to spend sleeping. 

“Ah hem, excuse me you’re leaning on my car. Can you please get off,”

You keep your distance and tightly grip your waterbottle. Just so you have a head start if you need run back into the factory or even defend yourself. Their fingers stop scrolling, but their gaze is still facing downwards, hood and hat hiding their features.

“Uh hello, you need to get out of this parking lot its a private. Ill call security if you don’t move, ”

You shallow nervously as the figure stays still, unresponsive. When it seems like this figure is just going to continue to ignore you they stand up abruptly causing you to jump.

“Hi Y/N,’ An english accent comes out from the hood and your expression changes from fear to dread in seconds. Heart still pumping fast in your chest and you feel yourself getting even more nervous. 

“What are you doing here, Tom”, You cross your arms the best you can and start staring at your feet to avoid eye contact.

“Can’t I come visit my girlfriend after she finishes work,” Tom questions as his foots steps get louder as they get closer.

“I am not your girlfriend remember.  Besides the point, how do you even know where to find me. I haven’t talked to you in two months.”

‘You left without a much of explanation. You said when I came home from LA that this was over because you couldn’t handle this relationship, it stressed you out to much. I thought everything was going good mutually good in all aspects of the relationship, but I guess I was wrong. After months of trying to unravel what I could have possible done wrong, I just had to find you and get the truth of why you left,”

He ignores your question as he bends his knees to try and get a look at your face. Your mind almost speeds up, unable to come up with a good enough half-assed response, you mouth blurts out the truth without much thought.

“I love that you’re able to pursue your dreams, and god Tom I wouldn’t want you to do anything to compromise that. But I want to be able to pursue my dreams too Tom. The only way I can do that is if I leave and doing a long-distant relationship hardly ever works out for anybody! I don’t want you wearing yourself out because of me and being long-distance was going to tear you apart,”

You sniffle away the tears building up in your eyes while focusing on the curves on the concrete.

“Darling, why didn’t you just talk to me? I would and do understand if you want to pursue something on your own. I would never want to settle for anything less.  “

He reaches out a finger to find a place under your chin to lift your head gently so your eyes will meet. You glossy eyes meet his soft, gentle brown eyes and that alone makes you want to cry. You never meant to cause pain to reach those eyes, you just thought you were doing yourselves a favour.

“Baby, we could’ve done this together you know that. We would’ve never survived our first year together if we didn’t talk stuff out. Trying to make a relationship work with a person I’ve loved since our first date is worth the endless amount of stress life causes. Y/N, my darling, I would do anything to make you happy but also stay in my arms forever,”

His soft tone makes your knees weak and that is when the dam of tears breaks from your eyes and they flow down your cheeks.

“I’m sorry. I-I just thought I was doing the right thing for both of us. I was watching a movie and I started stressing my sell-out and just thinking for myself .I’m sorry I put you through this, I know I can’t turn back time, but please forgive me for causing you any pain because my love for you got me all fucked up, “ You say trying wipe away the salty tears dripping down your face. 

“I’m not mad nor am I upset with you. I’m just glad I can have you back in my life again.”

Tom smiles even bright as he pulls lightly on the hand he has a hold of to drag your body over to his. He embraces you into his warmth and your body curls into him and all you can think is there is no place you’d rather be.

“Now, why don’t we go back to your place and catch up on some sleep huh? Then you can give me tour around your new place and make up for lost time,”

He hums into your hair as you pull back from his embrace to look up, wiping your eyes with your sleeve to look at Tom more clearly.

“Yeah, I’d like that”.

[hansenes]

                  hi sexies  !   my  name  is  river ,  i’m  a  scorpio  sun ,  gemini  moon  and  sagittarius  rising .  i  like  witchy  stuff  bc  it’s  hot  .  i  use  they  &  them  pronouns  and  idk  i  guess  a  fun  fact  about  me ,  other  than  the  fact  that  i ’ m   really  excited  to  be  here  is  that  …  i  like  people ,  places ,  and  things  !

༉‧₊  (  hunter  schafer  ,  she  &  her  ,  trans  female  )  ˚✧  holy  shit  ,  is  that  isla  hansen  coming  out  of  sticky  fingers  ?  yikes  ,  i’ve  heard  a  lot  about  the  sophomore  .  apparently  they’re  twenty  and  are  pretty  (  +  creative    &    -  intense  )  which  totally  screams  leo  .  ugh  ,  i  hate  those  !  i  heard  that  they’re  studying  fashion  design  and  are  really  involved  in  (  cheerleading  /  drama  club  /  pride  )  .  i  don’t  know  if  you  remember  ,  but  they’re  the  one  who  caused  the  cheer  pyramid  to  topple  over  at  the  homecoming  game  !  i’d  watch  out  for  them  though  because  rumor  has  it  they  REDACTED  …  hopefully  that  info  doesn’t  get  into  the  wrong  hands  .

STATISTICS  .

full  name :  isla  marie  hansen .

nickname(s) :  is

date of birth :   july  27th  ,  2000

hometown :  los  angeles .

current  location :  south  shore .

ethnicity :  white  ( english , scandinavian . )

nationality :  american .

sexuality :  queer .

religion :  spiritual .

political affiliation :  liberal .

occupation :  student .

language(s) spoken :  english  ,  french  ,  butchered  danish  .

accent :  california ,  slight  valley .

INFORMATION  .

eve  muller  was  born  the  sixth  child  ,  and  only  daughter  of  a  super  christian  family  (  kinda  cultish  ,  like  amish  vibes  u  kno  ...  )  long  story  short  :  her  parents  were  crazy  strict  ,  and  religious  .  never  let  eve  live  her  life  .  when  she  got  pregnant  at  seventeen  ,  eve  was  kicked  out  of  her  home  .  

since  the  father  didn ‘ t  want  to  help  raise  his  daughter  ,  she  packed  her  bags  and  moved  to  los  angeles  .  homegirl  struggled  .  a  lot  .

around  the  time  when  isla  was  three  ,  while  working  as  a  waitress  at  a  diner  ,  eve  met  the  love  of  her  life  :  james  hansen  .  

he  was  a  man  in  his  early  30 ‘ s  whose  family  owns  a  prolific  production  company  ,  and  he  himself  had  turned  to  directing  movies  .  he  fell  in  love  deeply  with  eve  ,  and  having  no  children  ,  saw  isla  as  his  own  .  

eve  and  james  married  when  isla  was  seven  ,  she  was  allowed  to  wear  have  her  first  custom  made  dress  for  the  ocassion  .  james  adopted  her  before  she  turned  ten  .  she  knows  no  other  father  ,  and  sees  his  parents  as  her  grandparents  .

still  ,  remembering  what  it  was  like  to  grow  up  restricted  and  confined   by  her  parents  and  religion  ,  eve  always  taught  isla  to  be  unapologetically  herself  ,  and  to  reach  for  the  stars  .  

and  so  ,  she  grew  to  be  —  a  hot  mess  .  her  mother  seeing  every  little  mess  she  made  as  a  sign  of  her  “ being  a  free  spirit  “ ,  and  she  could  never  do  anything  wrong  in  james ‘ s  eyes  .  she ‘ s  THAT  bitch  .  she  leaves  all  her  makeup  out  on  the  bathroom  counter  ,  the  hair straightener  plugged  in  .  she ‘ ll  do  the  dishes  when  she  feels  like  it  —-  yanno  ?

her  family  being  big  in  the  textile  industry  definitely  influenced  her passion  for  fashion  ,  she  started  sewing  at  age  13  .  she  made  her  own  junior  ,  and  senior  prom  dresses   ,  and  won  best  dressed  as  her  senior  title  .

she ‘ s  really  a  hopeless  romantic  .  (  her  mom  and  dad  are  so  in  love  you  know  ,  she  wants  that  )  she  believes  in  the  hollywood  magic  ,  and  in  finding  her  true  love  —  a  meet  cute  ,  and  a  rom - com  ending  .  the  problem  is  ,  she  thinks  all  meets  are  cute  . 

she  dates  absolute  assholes  .  and  every  time  a  relationship  reaches  it ‘ s  predictable  end  ,  she  will  cry  watching  rom - coms  ,  and  swear  off  men  over  a  tub  of  ice - cream  .she ‘ ll  show  up  two  weeks  later  ,  giddily  talking  about  some  guy  named  chad  .

.see  ,  the  thing  is  that  either  she  believes  in  true  love  —  or  she  does  not  know  how  to  be  alone  .

 more  info  coming  soon  !

CONNECTIONS  :  

best  friend  &  roommate  (  open  )  : think  late  nights  of  facemasks  and  gossipping  ,  borrowing  eachothers  clothes  ,  stalking  people  on  instagram  ,  and  unconditional  support  .  her  person  .

close  friends  (  open  )  : self  explanatory  .  this  people  are  her  inner  circle  .  people  she ‘ s  constantly  hanging  out  with  .  people  she  spills  the  tea  to  .

friends  (  open  )  :  people  she  also  hangs  out  with  ,  and  spills  the  tea  to  —  but  maybe  it ‘ s  not  as  constant  as  with ;

party  people  /  drinking  buddies  (  open  )  :  isla  may  not  look  like  it  ,  but  she  loves  a  nice  cold  beer  ,  and  a  good  chat  as  much  as  she  loves  a  good  party  .  this  category  could  be  people  she  goes  for  a  drink  with  on  a  week  night  ,  or  people  she  goes  wild  with  on  the  weekends  .

 will  they  won ‘ t  they  ?  (  open  )  :  since  all  of  her  relationships  end  ,   isla  has  decided  to  never  date  her  friends  .  her  friends’  friends  ?  valid  ,  and  so  she  lives  in  a  flurry  of  chads  —  i ‘ m  thinking  these  two  are   obviously  attracted  to  eachother  ,  and  everybody  sees  it   —  except  them  .  slow  burn  ,  friends  to  lovers  kinda  thing  .   (  message  me  for  plotting  )

enemies  (  open  )  :  listen  ,  it  might  not  be  like  mortal  enemies  who  will  fight  to  their  deaths  ,  but  isla  is  —  a  lot  ,  and  definitely  not  everyone ‘ s  cup  of  tea  .  she ‘ s  messy  ,  loud  ,  shallow  ,  cocky  , and  self  absorbed  .  a  little  conflict  is  always  good  .  

[danieljradcliffe]

ok but an all Canadian film starring Rachel McAdams, Annie Murphy, Ellen Page and Emily Hampshire - (excuse me I'm not Canadian so correct me if my geography is wrong, I'm terrible at geography btw - side not I will write that patrick x david fic, just so busy atm), so you know how Annie was going on about how she imagines Alexis to be the kind of person who would be a writer in one of those heavy knit sweaters off the coast of Newfoundland and Labrador? Well Annie plays a writer that 1/?

lives off there, and she is in a relationship with RM - idk maybe they meet cute, and the same thing happens to Ellen Page and Emily Hampshire characters. Think the same atmosphere as Lars and the real girl/God's Own Country. Perhaps it's a holiday movie (think Home For The Holidays if you haven't seen it?) set in early 2000s. EP and EH kind of travel and then like love actually it kind of ties up them together. Dan Levy can write it, I trust him with the direction I want to take. 2/?

I don't really have a specific direction, I just know the atmosphere, and it's probably also because I like all four actresses, it's a comedy ofc, no angst, the only angst there is is that where it's shown in typical straight rom coms. I feel like they'd all have amazing chemistry together, particularly Annie, Ellen and Emily, Rachel is probably also got great chemistry, it's just that I know Emily and Annie have great exhmistry and Emily follows Ellen on instagram so there must be some 3/?

sort of chemistry there you know? Anyway they're all amazing so there's that. I doubt this will happen, but I still think there is a possibility that Annie and Emily will work together in the future or Ellen and Emily. 4/4

I also think we should add Tatiana Maslaney if they don't cast Rachel McAdams because she is just as good, but if they added her with RM I'd still be just as happy :)

holy SHIT i am obsessed with this!!!! you have a gold idea here and it sounds like the gay romcom we all need. on a side note.. did happiest season hurt you with the angst? this can be a fix it lol

i would watch anything with any of these actors in it honestly and you have fleshed it out babeeyY! also i don’t know if you’ve ever read this SC fisherman AU by @al-ex-an-d-er-hamiltons but those are the total vibes i am getting from what you said. 

Also props on casting literally the best canadian actresses that exist honestly!!

[bennyboyjones]

The Getaway (Ben Hardy Fanfic) Chapter Three

A/N: Hi! So, here is chapter 3 to my Ben Hardy AU Fanfic! There are currently several chapters written, which you can find on Wattpad, but I’ve decided to also upload it here as well. It might be a bit behind, but you’ll still get all the chaps eventually.

What it is: basically, a girl from a small town who is bored of her life decides to take a trip to Nice where she runs into ben, who is also running away from some shit and some romance ensues.

Word count: 3.9k

in this chapter: FLIRTING AND MAYBE A DATE?

WATTPAD LINK IF YOU WANT TO READ AHEAD

Spotify playlist

In case you missed it: MASTERLIST

here we go:

day three

I woke up thinking about him, the same way I had yesterday. I had a feeling it would last all day and I would spend every moment looking for his face or the back of his head because that’s what had consumed me the day before. The difference was that today I would actually call him.

Yesterday would’ve been too soon and I was afraid of looking too eager or desperate. I was so out of practice when it came to meeting someone new that I didn’t really know what the proper etiquette was or how long was too long or too short when you’re expected to call someone. I had managed to talk myself out of basing my decision off late 90s and early 2000s rom-coms because the three day rule seemed way too long as I was already slightly impatient to talk to him again; and I was worried that if I waited too long he could potentially meet someone else or take my lack of eagerness as a sign I wasn’t into him—which could’ve been potentially devastating.

I also spent yesterday trying to grip back onto my sanity. I spent my day at the beach, laying on the rocks, trying to get some sort of tan and attempting to convince myself that I wasn’t that into Ben. Rationally, I couldn’t be; I had met him once, talked to him once, and that was under the influence of alcohol. I had been with a guy for years and didn’t remember feeling like this, which made me really think about what I was doing with Liam for so long when I could’ve been feeling like this with someone else.

I called my mom that afternoon and expressed all of this to her; I told her that I thought I really liked him, which was insanity because I didn’t even know him, how I felt like a hormonal fourteen-year-old who was experiencing a crush for the first time and slightly desperate.

“You’re not desperate, honey,” she assured me, “you’ve just been stuck with dead weight for far too long. This is the first romantic experience you’ve had in a long time.”

I sighed, knowing she was right. There had been nothing romantic about my relationship with Liam, at least not for the past year and a half. It was kind of sad, now that I looked back on it. Even the sex was slightly platonic and I couldn’t believe I had let it go on for so long. “When should I call him?”

“Tomorrow. He’ll have gone a whole day thinking about you, wondering if you’re going to call. It’s good to leave them hanging for a bit.”

So I took her advice and waited until today. My plan was to call right after I woke up, that way there were plenty of opportunities for us to meet up: breakfast, a day at the beach, a walk, lunch, dinner.

I pulled my phone off the charger and dialed the super long number—I assumed it was a U.K number because there were way too many digits for it to be American and I couldn’t see the point in him getting a French number for only a few weeks.

I clutched it close to my ear and waited for it to ring, but it didn’t. Instead, there were several loud beeping noises and an automated voice telling me that this number was out of service. I felt my heart plummet into the pit of my stomach as the embarrassment flooded my cheeks.

He gave me a fake number, an out of service number. I sat on the edge of my bed with both my phone and the piece of paper in my hands, my eyes moving between the two. A fake number. I was so into this guy, with his charming smile and gorgeous eyes and great laugh and he, apparently, wasn’t into me at all. Did I read the whole situation wrong? I couldn’t wrap my brain around the idea that he would buy me a glass and then ask me to have a drink and then went so far as to settle for a coffee and talk to me for almost an hour, all without being the least bit interested in me. It made no sense.

I tried the number again, this time being super careful about punching in the numbers, making sure I didn’t miss one. Again, the same voice told me the number was out of service. Well, that was tragically disappointing.

As much as I didn’t want it to, the disappointment had ruined my mood. I no longer wanted to explore or sit in the sun or even stuff my face with pastries. All I wanted to do was wallow and, in my favor, it was raining. I could’ve just thrown on a rain jacket or grabbed an umbrella and still have done something fun today, but I didn’t. Instead, I stayed in my oversized QUEEN t-shirt I had worn to bed, made a coffee and sat on the floor in front of doors to the balcony and watched the rain.

I felt slightly melodramatic; this wasn’t some huge heartbreak. I even felt a little guilty for feeling this let down over a guy I didn’t even know when I barely mourned the final ending of a two and a half year relationship.

Despite the guilt, I found myself wondering what Ben could be doing, if he felt bad about giving me a fake number, if he had thought about me at all. I perked up when I realized there was a possibility that hadn’t crossed my mind: he made a mistake. He could’ve written the wrong number down; some people have two phones, I rationalized. They often have one for work and one for personal use. Maybe he gave me his work phone by accident! Then it would make sense why it was out of service because he doesn’t work there anymore and therefore would no longer need the phone or the number. I wondered if he realized his mistake and if he was disappointed that I couldn’t call him or if he was hoping to run into me again to make it right.

I knew that even the joy this new theory brought me was overdramatic; I was being so silly, acting as if I had never liked a guy before, as if this was the first person to ever take interest in me—like a complete amateur, pining over a guy who probably didn’t even really care about my existence, but if felt good. It was fun to be this emotional and it was something I hadn’t done in years. Well, I did it a little in London when I had small crushes on cute boys I had met at pubs but I never let myself fall into a feelings hole this deep; I was still technically in a relationship and refused to cross the line physically or emotionally. But now, there was no line to cross and I was free to feel as dramatically as I pleased.

I thought about going out and looking for him but quickly shot my own idea down because searching for him meant aimlessly walking around for hours with no real idea of where he could be. It would have been a major waste of my time, but so was sitting on the floor watching water fall from the sky.

I got ready in a rush; threw on a ‘The 1975’ tee, black jeans and my clear raincoat, didn’t bother with any makeup and left my hair in their natural waves, tucking my bangs behind my ears since they weren’t styled. I threw on my white sneakers, grabbed my umbrella and shoved my wallet into my back pocket before leaving the warmth of the AirBnB.

I wasn’t going to look for him. I was going cafe-hopping since there was nothing better to do on a day as miserable as this. I was going to fill myself to the brim with caffeine and pastries and if I just so happened to run into Ben then so be it (and if I didn’t, I was sure I’d have to find a way to derail another melodramatic sit down but I’d worry about that later).

It was five cafés later and so far, I had no luck. My hands were already shaking from caffeine overload when I settled into a chair at Brassiere L’Olympia. It was small, on the corner a  block or two from where I was staying. It had a deep red awning with gold trim, a pale yellow front and a large gold doorknob that my hand barely fit around. There was no one else inside and upon my entering, the woman behind the counter called, “No food, only coffee.” I nodded and took a seat all the way at the back of the beige room, right next to the windows that looked out on the street. It was almost evening and the rain was still coming down hard.

I decided this would be my last stop before swinging back to the apartment to grab the two reusable bags I bought and heading to one of the grocery stores. I still hadn’t bought any snacks or foods I could pack for the days I spent at the beach and for the past two nights I suffered at the hands of my midnight snack withdrawals.

I ordered a noisette like I had at the last five spots, feeling myself become slightly nauseous at the idea of downing another but it was only €2.50 and I was fully committed to the cause, despite my growing disappointment. I hadn’t seen Ben, or anyone who had looked like him the entire day and I finally let the hope slip out of me and settled on the idea that he could’ve easily stayed inside today or that he was wherever I was not.

Again, my mind went to him and the way he looked in the dim glow at the restaurant and I tried remembering what his voice sounded like but it was hard.

“We’ve got to stop meeting like this.”

I jumped in my seat, the voice breaking my stare down with the lamppost across the street. When I turned my head to see who it was, I almost started laughing. Just when I had given up, I found him; of course, when I stopped looking.

“Happy to see me?”

“Something like that,” I tried to subdue my smile as I motioned for him to take the seat across from me.

“You didn’t call.” He shrugged off his jacket and put it on the back of his chair before taking a seat.

I spun my cup in a circle on its saucer, not meeting his eyes, “I did, actually. It was out of service.”

He acted surprised, “What?” He pulled his phone out of his pocket and started fiddling with whatever was on his screen.

“It’s okay,” I held up my hand, “You don’t have to make some big show about it. I can take a hint—I mean, I guess I can’t since, you know, I was kind of surprised it wasn’t real. I thought we, I don’t know, got along really well—“ I was slightly nervous and babbling. Sure, I had convinced myself that he made a mistake when he wrote down his number, but what were the actual odds of that? In my mind, they were very very low and the more likely reason the number was out of service was because he intended it to be.

“No, seriously, that can’t be right,” he interrupted me, “you must have done it wrong.”

He read out his phone number and my eyes grew wide.

“Wait, did you say, ‘three’?”

“Yeah, I said, ‘three’. What else could it have been?”

“An eight!” I laughed in relief and pulled the small piece of paper out of my back pocket and placed it on the table in between us. “Look!”

“That is obviously a three. Just admit that you didn’t actually call me and that you’re trying to get out of having to explain yourself.” He threw the paper back on the table and picked my cup up and took a sip.

“Trust me, I called—twice.” After the admission left my mouth I immediately wanted to take it back.

He raised his eyebrows, “Twice? Hm.” He leaned forward in his chair and rested his elbows on the table, crossing his arms, “That makes me feel a bit better about waiting for your call; decreases the damage to my ego.”

“You waited for my call?” I leaned forward, taking on the same position as him.

“Of course I did; I’d be stupid not to.” His eyes never left mine as he brought my cup to his lips the second time. After a moment of us staring at one another, he pointed down to the cup, “I should get you another one of these.” He raised his hand, about to turn around to get the woman’s attention but before I could stop myself I put my hand on his forearm.

“You definitely shouldn’t. I’ve already had five; if I have another I’ll have a heart attack.”

“Five?” He rested his hand on top of mine, “Are you okay?”

“Not really.”

“Your hands were really shaking,” he said while maneuvering the umbrella between us.

“I told you, I had five.”

We were walking with no where to go. Once he saw the state my hands were in, he asked if I was interested in getting dinner and, without hesitation, I said yes. I made the assumption that this was a date, but was too afraid to ask for confirmation. I was slightly aware of the fact that I probably looked like a wet dog, having spent the whole day going in and out of the rain, while he looked like an actual god. His hair was brushed back off of his forehead, he was clean shaven, in dark jeans and a light grey crew neck sweatshirt, an army green raincoat thrown over top. His eyes looked just as they did the other night: sparkling green and clear—I wanted so badly to kiss him. He looked kissable. I was sure I looked like a disaster and with every step, regretted not putting makeup on or doing my hair. One or the other would’ve balanced me out but instead, I could feel both my wavy hair frizzing and my un-mascara-ed lashes drooping down.

I always tried to be one of those girls who preached about not looking good for anyone but herself and believed that a guy should like me for the way I looked without makeup and not just deem me fuck-able when my lips were painted blood red—but, I would be lying if I said I didn’t feel better about myself when I was wearing lipstick or when my lashes were curled or when my hair was done perfectly. I felt prettier and more confident when I looked a certain way and that was my cross to bear.

I could feel the insecurity weighing on me in the way I covered my mouth when I laughed and let my bangs hang slightly over my eyes but I needed to shove it away because that wasn’t the girl he had met in the restaurant. She wasn’t the girl he had asked to have a drink.

“Interested in some crepes?” He pointed at a sign for a small crêperie .

“For dinner?”

“Why not?”

I shrugged, not being able to argue. He held the door open for me and lightly pressed his hand into my back as we walked through the door. We both ordered two; I chose one with lemon and sugar and one with a caramel filling while he went with hazelnut spread for both.

“Surely they have Nutella in the States?” He questioned when I told him I wasn’t big on hazelnut after he offered me a bite of his.

“They do! But I’m not really into it.”

“Not into Nutella? I don’t know if this is going to work out.” He let out a breath as if my dislike of the spread made things between us extremely awkward.

“So there’s something here to work out?” I smirked.

He winked, “Could be.”

I felt my cheeks flush and didn’t know what to say.

The idea of something happening between us made butterflies launch themselves around my stomach. It seemed ridiculous, considering we were complete strangers and anything that started between us couldn’t last; we lived an entire ocean apart. It would never be anything more than a fling and I was more than okay with that. What girl didn’t dream of a fling in Europe? This was a fantasy that was meant to exist solely in easy reading romances, where the girls had lives I lusted over and the boys were described as being so charming and beautiful that they didn’t really exist.

“So,” I started, while he was in the middle of taking a bite, “why advertising?”

He shrugged and finished chewing before answering, “The money, mostly. I had planned on going to school for business and advertising was what I was best at. Also, it was the only bit that allowed a little creativity.”

“If money wasn’t an object, what would you be?”

“An actor,” he broke eye contact with me and his face turned a light shade of pink. “I always wanted to do something like that, be in plays or movies, but financially, it’s not very feasible.”

“I get it. I mean, being a writer isn’t the most financially stable profession either. Do you like advertising?”

He sighed, “At first I did, but not anymore. The hours are long and even if I wanted to try to do something on the side, I can’t. It’s kind of become my entire life.”

“I know the easy answer is to say that you should just quit, but I also know that it’s usually a lot more complicated than that.” I laughed lightly.

“It’s not. I did.” He smiled at my surprised expression.

“You quit?”

“Yeah, that’s kind of why I’m here. I don’t know what to do now.”

“Ah, running away. I’m good at that.”

“Well, cheers to running from our shit.” He raised his glass of water and clinked it against mine. “Want to grab a real drink?”

This time, I didn’t turn him down.

He paid our bill and after I thanked him, we walked out of the crêperie and into the cool air.

We walked close to each other, so close that our arms and fingers brushed against one another with every other step. Each time I felt his fingers swipe against mine, it felt electric, a small tingle shot through my arm and something inside me fluttered. I wondered how long we would let this go on, whether he would move away so we no longer touched or finally grab my hand.

We walked past several bars and restaurants and I started to wonder where exactly it was we were grabbing this drink. “Are we going somewhere in particular?”

“Yeah.” He smiled at me before pushing his fingers through mine and holding my hand.

We walked for the next few minutes in a comfortable silence just enjoying each other’s company. His palm was warm against mine and his fingers were long and his skin wasn’t rough but it wasn’t as soft as mine. Every few steps, he brushed his thumb over my hand reassuringly and I couldn’t stop blushing.

When he stopped, it was in front of a small grocery store.

“Oh.” I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion.

“Disappointed?” He asked as he squeezed my hand.

I shook my head quickly, “No! Just…confused?”

“Come on,” he said before pulling me inside.

He took us straight to the wine section and pulled two coteaux bourguignons off the shelf before moving on to grab some fruit, bread, and cheese. I had figured out what his plan was, slightly worried that we would be taking these things back to wherever he was staying. I admit, I wanted to kiss him, I wanted to do more than that, but technically, this was a first date and I wasn’t about to fuck him after hanging out with him for only the second time.

The last thing he grabbed was garbage bags, and when I gave him very confused and concerned look, he said, “We need something to sit on.” I nodded as if my confusion had completely evaporated with that simple explanation.

After a small argument over who would be paying for the two armfuls of supplies (I wanted to pay because he paid for dinner but he argued that since it was his idea and this was an extension of our first date that he should pay—and frankly, his argument was too good to deny), he lead us towards the promenade and took us down the steps to the rocky beach.

“Is this allowed?” I whispered as we walked over the rocks.

“Probably.” He shrugged.

When he found a spot he liked, he pulled out a plastic garbage bag from the pack and placed it on the ground like a picnic blanket. It was raining anymore, but everything was covered in a thin layer of water. Once he had that set, he took everything out of the bags, one by one, arranging it all a very specific way.

When he caught me staring and trying to stifle a giggle, Ben gestured towards his setup, “I’m just trying to make it as perfect as possible. I’m doing my best!”

“The garbage bag is perfect, I swear! It’s…cute.”

He opened the wine with the opener he bought and poured it into our paper cups and waved at me to take a seat next to him. We opened our snacks and started munching in comfortable silence despite the crepes we had inhaled only an hour before.

It was dark now, the only light coming from the flashlights of our phones we had placed in between us. We could hear the waves lapping against the store but could barely see them. There was a chill in the air, as the breeze was amplified closer to the water and I felt myself shivering slightly. We were sat against the wall of the promenade, hidden away from any on lookers.

“Come here,” he said when he noticed my slight shiver and pulled me into him. We sat with our backs against the wall, his arm around me, looking in the direction of where the water would be if we could see it. His body was hard against mine, signaling to me that I was right about how fit he was and I felt the muscles in his arms flex every time he moved it slightly. He rubbed his hand up and down my arm trying to warm me up as we slowly sipped our wine.

“This would be a lot more romantic if it wasn’t so bloody cold.” He laughed.

I hit him lighting in the stomach with me free hand, “Stop! I think it’s just the right amount of romantic.”

“Hang out with me tomorrow.”

“Was that a question?” I turned my head to him to see that he was already looking at me.

“Not really.” He smiled, “Come on, you know you want to.”

“Fine.” I leveled him with a smile of my own.

[slapshot-to-the-heart]

If You Ever Want to be in Love

If You Ever Want to be in Love

May 2018

Saw you today after so much time/Felt just like it used to be/Talking for hours 'bout a different life/Surrounded us in memories

A party in the Upper West Side of Manhattan was the last place Harry expected to see her. They had barely spoken in the past year, quick texts and promises of phone calls that never came broadening the gap that had crept its way in between the once inseparable pair. Alex had never really been one for parties. She had, of course, come as his guest to countless shows and events, from his earliest X-Factor appearances up to last year’s Brit Awards, but was equally at home on his couch with a cache of early 2000s rom-coms. Harry saw her give a sincere hug to Matt— it was his engagement party, after all— and walk over to the bar to pour herself a drink. Scotch straight, he’d bet his life on it. He found himself walking over towards her with barely a whisper of a plan in his mind, hardly knowing anything he wanted to say to the woman who had been in his life for 15 years. Harry swallowed. “Alex, hey.” He cursed himself as soon as the words left his lips. It’s the first time he’s seeing his best friend in over a year, and all he can come up with is ‘hey?’

Luckily for him, his poor conversation starter didn’t seem to dampen her enthusiasm for seeing him. “Harry, oh my God, it’s so good to see you! What are you doing here?” She smiled, and Harry could tell that it didn’t quite reach her eyes. She was glad to see him, that wasn’t the issue. The issue was how they had left things.

He gave a cocky half-smile. “Could ask you the same thing, love. ‘M mate’s with Matt, he works over at the label in mixing.” The pet name had just slipped out. It was a habit, a reminder of things past that Harry (and Alex too, though he didn’t know it) desperately hoped were still a possibility.

“I suppose I walked right into that one,” she said softly, tucking a few strands of wavy brown hair behind her ear. “I work with Julia, her station’s next to mine and she’s been really kind to me the past few months since I moved.” Julia was the first person to welcome Alex to both the firm and a new country, favors for which she was eternally grateful.

Moved? “Since when have you been in New York?” Harry asked, a big, insanely genuine smile beginning to cross his face. If he had known that she was in town, he would have asked her over to his new apartment, or suggested dinner together at a hole-in-the-wall Italian place he had discovered one night.

She gave a sad smile. “I told you, Harry. Remember? ‘Call me as soon as you can, I’ve got great news!’”

His brow furrowed. “But I did call you, didn’t I?”

“After two days. I get that you were working on the album, trust me. It was just getting hard having to constantly feel like I was pushed to the side all the time.” Alex had never seen herself as a jealous person. She knew that he had other responsibilities, other friends, and other commitments. She could have excused the late call if it was a one-off thing, but it was one in a string of several missed calls, unreplied texts, and postponed plans that had made her start to wonder if Harry took their friendship for granted.

“Alex…” Harry trailed off, feeling the guilt build up inside him like some dormant volcano poised to explode.

Unexpectedly, she reached for his hand. “Don’t worry, Harry. I’ve already forgiven you.” She always was too kind to him. Too understanding. Too forgiving. “Do you remember the night before you left for recording, when we were back home? We snuck out to the field, you know the one with the lavender bushes?”

He remembered. “When we stayed up way too late, drank wine that was way too cheap, and brought out all of our awful childhood pictures?”

“That’s the one,” she laughed.

Wanted to ask if we could have been/But my tongue wouldn't break the seal/You always had something effortless/At school you were the biggest deal

Harry cherished that night. But then again, he cherished every moment he had ever spent with Alex. That night had been different, however. There was a tension in between the two friends, one that neither wanted to address. They had promised to keep touch while Harry was off recording in America, and he had even offered to fly her out for a week or two to visit when she could get time off of work. That was the night that Harry had realized that he was falling for her. That he had fallen for Alex, his best friend, the woman who knew him nearly as well as his own mum and never failed to call him out on his shit. The beautiful, intelligent, charming, endlessly interesting Alex. He could have told her. He wanted to tell her. But he hadn’t. The words had been on the tip of his tongue, and he had nearly let them slip right as the sun was coming up, when the golden light hit her hair just right and he noticed the red tones that brought out the green in her eyes. He hadn’t, and he had regretted it every day since. He hadn’t, because he had been convinced that confessing his feelings would mean the end of their friendship, the end of one of the precious few shreds of normalcy his life had left at that point. He hadn’t, because he was sure that she couldn’t possibly reciprocate his love. Being friends with him was one thing, but a relationship was an entirely different beast. Was she ready for that? Did she want that?

What Harry didn’t know was that every time Harry told an interviewer that she was “just a friend,” Alex winced inside. Every time his hand was on her waist or around her shoulders on a red carpet or at an event instead of clutched in her own caused a pang in her heart. Alex hadn’t realized that she was in love with her best friend that night in the lavender meadow. It had taken nearly another month, until one night while mentioning him to an old uni friend of hers, she realized she had never talked about another guy like she was talking about Harry. She had had boyfriends before, that wasn’t the issue. But none of them were Harry. Harry, who she trusted with her life and who had never let his fame cause him to forget where he came from. The romantic, honest, incredible, generous Harry. And it had scared her. Alex had never recalled a moment in her life more terrifying than realizing she had fallen for her best friend. That day, she had picked up her phone three separate times, wanting more than anything to call Harry and tell him how she felt. But she didn’t. She didn’t want to hold him back, sure that confessing her feelings would throw him off track, off schedule, and off of his game. His career was only going up, and Alex couldn’t live with herself if she ever did anything to jeopardize it. Music was what Harry loved, and she never wanted to do anything to come between it. So she lived with her own confusion and pain, resolving that only a friendship with Harry was thousands of times better than the possibility of him not being in her life at all.

That night, they both knew that there were things left unsaid. Harry wanted Alex to know that he had fallen in love with her, and Alex needed to know that their extended time apart wouldn’t change things between the two of them. It never had before, but something in her needed tangible reassurance.

I'll come around/If you ever want to be in love/I'm not waiting, but I'm willing if you call me up

It had been around the time Alex realized her feelings for Harry that things had started to break down between the friends. Alex knew that it was partially her fault— she hadn’t been as committed to keeping up communication as she could have been, but the blame wasn’t hers alone to bear. Harry had become spotty with picking up her phone calls, and their once hours-long Facetime sessions had been cut to a few hurried minutes between riding sessions, in cars home from interviews, and a particularly memorable one where he was piss-drunk after a night out.

Harry regretted not picking up Alex’s calls nearly as much as not confessing his feelings that night in the lavender meadows. He wanted to talk to her. Really, he did. He was just afraid that any time he picked up, he’d let slip. “How is the new design for that nightclub working, and did I ever tell you I’m in love with you?” However, that didn’t ever stop him from hoping that she would call him. He caught himself more than once staring at his phone, hoping she’d somehow be calling to tell him how she felt, to let him know that everything he had been hoping for months on end wasn’t in vain. He felt like tearing his hair out some days, and it seemed like his cell had turned into Schrödinger’s phone. If he never picked up when she called, she both loved and didn’t love him. So he chose the path of least resistance, thinking that the pain of a deteriorating friendship was less than finding out she didn’t love him back. It was selfish, he knew. Who was he to decide how their friendship should be dictated? But in his Alex-induced haze of confusion, any rational thoughts about acceptable human interactions seemed to have gone out the window. Still, his heart ached being away from her. If friendship was the only relationship he would be able to get from her, he had resolved himself to be okay with that. Now, however, he wasn’t sure if even a friendship was on the table.

We were, young we were side by side/Don't know when we started losing touch/If you want we could walk around/Maybe that would be enough

“D’you want to go out to the balcony, talk some more?” Harry said tentatively, jerking his thumb towards the French doors a few steps away.

Alex nodded. “Yeah, I think that would be good.” The two of them walked through the doors onto the balcony, settling into the two wire chairs overlooking the New York City skyline. Alex put her drink on the table. The two of them sat in silence for a few moments until she spoke. “Why did things start going wrong, Harry?” She asked sadly, not quite making eye contact.

He swallowed. He could be honest, but somehow he didn’t feel like that was an option. “I don’t really know, Alex. We’ve always been really good at keeping in touch when I’m working, but I guess…”

She prompted him forward with a raise of her eyebrows.

“I guess I was worried about what was going to change about our relationship. I didn’t want anything to be different, and I didn’t want you thinking you had to be someone different for the sake of our friendship.” That sounded believable, right? Harry thought.

“You’ve always been an awful liar, H.” Alex said with a small smile. She could tell he wasn’t being truthful, but she wasn’t going to push him any further. He’d tell her if he wanted to, her feelings were just a little bruised at the thought that he didn’t want to share it with her.

Harry winced. She always had been able to read him like a book.

“So, how long are you in town for?” She asked, breaking him from his thoughts.

He twirled the straw in his long-since drank Old Fashioned. “I s’pose as long as I want. Bought a place in Midtown a few months ago, I told you about that, right?”

She nodded. “You mentioned it, yeah.”

On a whim, he decided to ask her, “Do you want to come over and see it? No strings attached, just two friends hanging out. We could get some movies out like we used to, and I’m nearly positive I’ve got that trail mix you love.”

Alex was surprised he remembered. Them losing contact hadn’t been entirely Harry’s fault, and it was of unfair of her to give him all the blame. He was always good at remembering details. He had never once missed telling her happy birthday, even when he was on tour and their messages had become sporadic at best. He had sent her mother flowers for Mother’s Day, insisting that “Beth, you’ve been nearly as much a mum to me over the past 15 years as my own,” and had showed up to her little brother’s high school graduation, despite the fact that she had only mentioned it once months prior. Giving up on a friendship wasn’t something Alex took lightly, and this friendship even more so.

Finally looking him in the eyes, she nodded. “Let’s go.”

Hey guys! Sorry it’s up late, I was on a retreat and didn’t have Wifi. Reblog and tell me what you think! I’ll try to keep on a fairly weekly basis with posting, I’m already working on the next entry. 

[pointyredboy]

KiriBaku Lazy Weekend HCs

feelin soft on a lazy sunday so have some soft garbage (this got really long so it’s going under a cut):

I’d imagine Saturdays are spent getting anything done they aren’t able to during the week (shopping, extra training/quirk practice, chores, etc), but by the evenings the two usually meet up to relax and hang out

Some saturday evenings are dedicated to movie marathons, usually with a theme (“Old black and white horror movies!!”, “early 2000s action movies!!” “Laughably bad rom coms!!”, etc). They’re all terrible and chosen specifically by Kirishima. Bakugou brings the snacks and spends most of the films criticizing anything and everything, ultimately finishing with statements like

B: “these are shit, you have shit taste, why do I keep agreeing to this”

K: “no DUDE that’s why they’re goOD”

Some evenings involve competitive video game competitions. The whole Bakusquad is invited (this hc got way too in-depth so I’ll insert a link here at a later time adding some more details for that)

Other evenings, maybe after a week of particularly rigorous hero training, results in neither of them wanting to move. Kirishima drags himself over to Bakugou’s room and slumps in unannounced before tossing himself on the bed. He flops on Bakugou’s chest with a groan

B: “Fucker, get off. I feel like hot garbage”

K: *...slowly coils arms around Bakugou’s waist, locking them into place with his quirk* “no”

Too tired to wrestle him off like normal, Bakugou curses at him but doesn’t struggle. They eventually knock tf out and sleep until morning

Kirishima offers to massage Bakugou’s sore muscles when they awaken as thanks when they’ve regained a bit of energy

Sundays are a day of rest. Sleeping in and frequent naps throughout the day. Kirishima moves a lot in his sleep, so Bakugou usually big spoons the boy in an effort to keep him still.

It’s not until 3 or so that Kirishima wakes up in a panic suddenly remembering the homework he forgot to do. Bakugou groggily scolds him and clings to Kirishima’s torso when he tries to move. Kirishima dredges himself off the bed with half of Bakugou still hanging off of him before Bakugou begrudgingly lets go

Kirishima spends the rest of the evening working on his homework, periodically waking Bakugou up when he has a particularly difficult problem.

Bakugou finally wakes up at like 6 and yells at Kirishima for letting him sleep all day

[bregjetokorea]

1. Why I decided to keep a travel blog

20 September, 2019

안녕하세요! Welcome to blog page and, more specifically, welcome to my first post! You’re either here because you know me in person or because you know me form twitter or you just randomly found this blog which is probably the coolest way so welcome!! Anyways, let me first introduce myself!! My name is Bregje, I am a 21-year-old student from a small village in the south of the Netherlands. Starting Spring 2020, I will be spending a semester abroad at a South Korean university. As I’m writing this I’m still in the application phase and have yet to be selected into a university (which is a lot more nerve wrecking than I thought it would be). I know you might think it’s perhaps too early to start writing and honestly it might be but there’s not really a different way to deal with my excitedness right now. And it makes sense too because the main reason for creating this blog is to document the entire process of going abroad and I think the preparations just as well play an important role in this process. I’m either way suuuuper excited to start sharing my experiences with you.

Disclaimer: I am not a writer!! I mean I write and I have whole conversations I’ve imagined while I’m in the shower or in bed or supposed to be paying attention to my classes. For my current internship I even am writing blog posts and I have written research articles for university activities. But I am not a creative writer. I once took one (1) creative writing seminar in my English course in which the student teacher told me I should “just describe the little pictures in my head” to which my immediate response was “what” but what I really meant was yeah but how do I make it good?

I constantly go through phases of wanting to reinvent myself. Not in the slight I want to be a better person or start eating breakfast every morning, but in the I’m going to actually become a morning person, lose all the weight I gained in summer break, become the human incarnation of Hera (what a mood), be mysterious/cool/adorable/intelligent/snarky, and either become a master artist, singer, etc. Point is, I am none of those things and to be completely frank I don’t think I’ll ever be. I’m not sure I even want to be. But since I also have no idea what I do want and I’m in a constant state of existential crisis I look up ways to do these things I say I want to do but never start.

Ever since bullet journals became a thing I started one but that didn’t really work out (as probably is the case for 90% of people who start bullet journaling). I figured I might take up normal journaling because it’s supposed to be calming and helpful and blah blah. Also, journals are gorgeous and again it’s my dream to suddenly become very good at different styles of art and making things esthetically pleasing (I’m pointing at all of my university friends who know how passionate I am about this). Summer 2018 I actually invested in one of those fancy Leuchtturm1917 journals you see all over journaling-Tumblr and I told myself that I would write in it every day starting when my second year of my studies began. Surprisingly I kept my word and did this for a good nine months. But you know, the content got quite boring soon as you probably can imagine me writing mostly about school. My friends were always asking me if they could read in it but I figured it was for the sole reason of it looking so neat and pretty (so at least one of my goals was actually achieved). The thing is, when I wrote I simultaneously imagined myself as this future Anne Frank and imagined everything I’m writing as if it were the narration of some 2000s era rom-com. I know I was just writing for me but I really got sick of it and, also, yes, I am indeed that cringey. I’ve tried to start a journal multiple times for other purposes, mainly to document my Korean learning. But what keeps happening is, I buy myself a nice notebook and I always write a single entry and then never am sure how to continue or I’ll get bored.

The thing is, I really do think it’s valuable to write down my experiences. It’d be nice to have something to remember even if it isn’t as esthetically gorgeous as my imaginary travel journal that is somehow filled with impeccable drawings of buildings and animals and people. If anyone is wondering, I did indeed succumb to my urge to buy yet another notebook to chase this weird obsession with being good at doodling and now have a blank sketchbook at my disposal. Best 4 (it was 5) euros I’ve spent at Flying Tiger. The thing about writing in a journal is that it requires writing. And I’m the slowest writer in the world (I NEED my handwriting to be pretty) and also I get very self-conscious about my penmanship. My sarcastic thoughts seem really forced and even though every other word I say is “shit” or “fuck” it seems wrong to write down curse words in pen and my hand starts cramping and I’m three thoughts ahead while my hand is still seven sentences behind and just gaaaaah. So I figured that if I really did want to keep a log of my travel experiences I might as well type them and honestly it’s about damn time that I actually use my Tumblr account so here we are. 

I still imagine a rom-com narrator type voice as I type this and I definitely imagine someone maybe reading this in the future (and then my anxiety kicks in a little because the thought of someone reading this and not liking it??? devastating. But maybe I shouldn’t have put my diary on the fucking Internet). I told myself my first post would be the whole “why am I doing this” in case I need a reminder 20 years down the road. Honestly, I feel ready to burst with the things that have not even happened yet and part of me wants to make this sorted by topic while another part of me wants to document by day but thus far both of those ideas are failing and this will probably be a mishmash of my experiences and memories/thoughts as I think of them. 

Soooo, we’ve now reached the end of this post and I feel the familiar anxiety of being unsure of how to end it. So I’m sorry if it’s a little awkward, you should definitely get used to that. My next post and all the rest of them will be more structured and actually talk about Korea (I guess that’s why you’re here in the first place I’m sorry) so there’s a lot to look forward to. Thank you for reading this far oh and please stick around!

[churmandurr]

Rules: Answer all questions, add one question of your own and tag people

i was tagged by @wooden-duck​ like a week ago 

1. coke or pepsi: pepsi definiely

2. disney or dreamworks: uhmm, disney i guess not sure

3. coffee or tea: coffee definitley

4. books or movies: i really enjoy both but i havent read a book in a long time but like honestly i would take a good book over a movie probz

5. windows or mac: both are good depending on what ur using for 

6. dc or marvel: UHHH idk if i guess i had to choose i guess marvel bc of bullseye from the daredevil movie lol idk

7. x-box or playstation: probz xbox just bc i own one but like i dont rlly play on either, i play on that sweet sweet pc 

8. dragon age or mass effect: i dont have a damn clue about either of these things 

9. night owl or early riser: night owl none of this early morning shit 

10. cards or chess: um probz cards 

11. chocolate or vanilla: chocolarte boi

12. vans or converse: converseeee but like, my one ankle is kinda fuckt up rn so its getting tougher 2 wear them

13. Lavellan, Trevelyan, Cadash, or Adaar: idk who these damn people are

14. fluff or angst: angst 

15. beach or forest: giv me the big forest 

16. dogs or cats: BOTH!!!!!!!!!!!!

17. clear skies or rain: i rlly enjoy being in the rain so that 

18. cooking or eating out: cooking is great but im tired a lot so dont rlly like to put in the effort so we eat out often lol....

19. spicy food or mild food: mild food because im a huge pussy

20. halloween/samhain or solstice/yule/christmas: christmassssss

21. would you rather forever be a little too cold or a little too hot: a little to cold, its a lot easier to manage 

22. if you could have a superpower, what would it be: all i wanna do is be able to fly 

23. animation or live action: i rlly like live action movies of animted movies 

24. paragon or renegade: what are these words u are saying?

25. baths or showers: showers but baths are ok sometimes 

26. team cap or team ironman: i rlly dont give a damn 

27. fantasy or sci-fi: fantasy tbh

28. do you have three or four favourite quotes, if so what are they? i rlly like this poem here, i know its not a quote but its my favoutire “ you are a horse running alone and he tries to tame you compares you to an impossible highway to a burning house says you are blinding him that he could never leave you forget you want anything but you you dizzy him, you are unbearable every woman before or after you is doused in your name you fill his mouth his teeth ache with memory of taste his body just a long shadow seeking yours but you are always too intense frightening in the way you want him unashamed and sacrificial he tells you that no man can live up to the one who lives in your head and you tried to change didn't you? closed your mouth more tried to be softer prettier less volatile, less awake but even when sleeping you could feel him travelling away from you in his dreams so what did you want to do love split his head open? you can't make homes out of human beings someone should have already told you that and if he wants to leave then let him leave you are terrifying and strange and beautiful something not everyone knows how to love.”

29. youtube or netflix: both for different raesons

30. harry potter or percy jackson: i do not give a danf about these things 

31. when do you feel accomplished: when i have enough money to put away for school and not be completely broke after 

32. star wars or star trek: star trek

33. paperback books or hardback books: hardcover so the pages dont get permanently bent n shit 

34. horror or rom-com: horror all the way

35. tv shows or movies: TV Shows

36. favourite animal: red pandas are my fave 

37. favourite genre of music: popy punky rocky shit tbh

38. least favourite book: honestly propbably like, brave new world or fucking, that book that apocalypse now is based off, heart of darkness

39. favourite season: fall fporever n ever 

40. song that’s currently stuck in your head: the song im listening to i guess, the reason by hoobastank 

41. what kind of pyjama’s do you wear? short shorts and a tank top

42. How many existential crises do you have on an average day: idk like 2 a day

43. If you can only choose one song to be played at your funeral, what would it be? play what does the fox say on repeat alright 

44. Favourite theme song to a TV show: my dad the rockstar 

45. Harry Potter movies or books: neither i dont care 

46. Favourite traditional food from your family: my mom used to make this really amazing pasta salad 

47. Favourite decade from 1900-now: uhh, the early 2000′s for sure 

48. A song that no matter the mood, it’ll make you smile? teenage dirtbag fuck off bye - my roommate makes fun of me all the time because i listen to it so often 

49. Lord of the Rings or the Hobbit? uh neither idk

50. Deadpool or Wolverine? deadpool for sure 

51: What’s your party trick? bumming everybody out man idk

52. Favorite place you’ve even been on vacation? british columbia 

53. Tent camping or cabin camping? tent

54. Favourite tv show character and why? joey from friends he is the most pure friend 

55. Favourite dessert? luv me some cheesecake 

56. Whats one thing you’ve made in the last month? uhh i made campbells cream of bacon chicken and rice idk it was okay

57. When you were 7 years old, what were your dreams in life? uhh idk when i was 7 i thought i was half lion so like

58. Do you read ebooks or audiobooks? neither tbh i just read like, normal books idk

my question: do u sleep with socks on?

i tag @that-turtle-has-a-suitcase @butistillhopeforthebest neither of them will do it probz but thats ok

[southernconundrum-blog]

Making a Case for 13 Going on 30.

I can still remember my Wednesday evening History of Film class in Film school. (Yes I went to film school, we can still like cheesy rom-coms) And the night my professor, a former DP for Columbia during the “golden age of film” stood in front of the entire class and proclaimed we were about to view, what most experts call the greatest film of all time. You guessed it, Citizen Kane. 

He went on to explain that what made it so great was the technicality and the innovation of it. The first film to use flashback and continuous wide shots, blah blah. I thought it was a snooze fest of straight white male nonsense. Yeah technically it’s cool they did all that with cut and paste film. I respect that shit, I do. But Citizen Kane is one of the most un-relatable stories ever. At least to me as a gay woman. It’s like the Catcher in the Rye of film. I have a hard time identifying with rich white dudes who feel like they don’t belong in a world created for and by them. If anyone actually read this blog I bet I’d get ALL the haters up in here leaving me comments about how oppressed men are now. Do it. I masturbate with male tears.

ANYWAYS. Fuck Citizen Kane in it’s boring ass face. I’m here to talk about the greatest movie of all time. The movie that is best picture every year in my heart and soul always and the one movie by which every other movie is measured. 13 Going on Motherfucking 30.

Yes it’s entertaining. Yes it’s a feel good romish-com with a cute cast. Yes it has Judy Greer. But what makes it the best? I’ll break it down for you.

CAST:

We all know about JGar and MRuff, and before we get to Judy Greer, let’s talk about the supporting cast: 

Christa B Allen 

For you true Jgar fans you’ll note that this was not Christa’s only time playing a young Jen. She also does in Ghosts of Girlfriends Past (another one of my faves but more problematic). Christa’s got the looks and the chops. She’s not only a dead ringer for the younger Rink, she’s also actually a great actress. Here’s what she looks like now BTW.

Pretty fucking spot on from the casting director I’d say. So if Christa B. Allen was the homerun, Sean Marquette (young MRUFF) is the grand slam. 

Then and now:

Yeah that could be Mark Ruffalo in the early 2000′s. And Sean does a great job himself in the younger role. Moving on.

BRIE OSCAR WINNER CAPTAIN MARVEL LARSON

In a bit part with ONE freaking line. She nailed it by the way. That’s how extra this movie is. Oscar winners as basically extras.

FUN FACT THAT ONLY A PSYCHO WOULD KNOW:

When Jenna is looking at her yearbook with Matty years later, it flashes this picture of the Six Chicks:

Notice Jenna is now “practically their leader” and Brie Larson is nowhere to be found. Presumably she has already been kidnapped and is in ROOM. Too dark? Or too REAL.

ANDY FUCKING SERKIS

You can use IMDB to go through this guy’s laundry list of amazing credits. And don’t stop at Gollum in LOTR because he was basically just getting started in this bitch. He’s also an accomplished director. He plays Jenna and Lucy’s (tom-tom) boss and the editor of Poise magazine. He’s also gay bc representation in 2004 hella mattered.

KATHY BAKER (Jenna’s mom)

Where have you seen her? Bitch, everywhere. She has a staggering list of nominations and awards from film, tv and stage where she’s had a phenomenal career. My favorite roles are between that gem up there in Edward Scissorhands and the woman of many marriages in the Jane Austen Book Club. She’s a legend and she’s NOT EVEN THE STAR OF THIS FILM.

Marcia DeBonis (Jenna’s admin asst)

It’s easier to tell you what she HASN’T been in. Like Kathy Baker, she’s made a career out of small, scene stealing roles. She also has a pretty impressive career in casting. 

I’m not going do Jen and Mark because we all know all of their shit. I’m the biggest JGar fan on earth so don’t get me started, but they are obviously mega stars and I need to save some room for.......here it comes...it’s finally here...you know it was coming..and here WE. FUCKING. GO.

JUDITH THERESE EVANS GREER

If Judy BAD BITCH OF LIFE Greer is in a movie? I’m seeing it. Why? BC SHE’s in EVERY MOVIE. Judy Greer is a brilliant silky chameleon with ferrari engine precision comedic timing. I would say she ties with Melanie Lynksey for all time underrated actress in history, but I think she pushes just past her since her body of work is unbelievably large. She has done indie, rom-com, sci-fi blockbuster, you name it. She can and has done anything and everything and I love her with every sad and broken cell in my fangirl body. She doesn’t support scenes, she carries them. And the only reason you think someone else is the star is because Judy wants you to think that. There are like 2 people on this Earth I love as much as I love Judy Greer and they are basically my mom and Claire Danes. She is an angel we do not deserve sent to us straight from a place we can never know. I legitimately worry that not enough people know what a treeey zzzurrre we have in Judy. I will do whatever I can to always spread the Gospel of Greer in this flaming shit bag of a world. If you haven’t seen Addicted to Fresno, please excuse yourself from whatever meaningless nonsense you’re doing right now to go watch it. Thanks.

STORY

A perfect cast, and yes this is one, does not a good film make on it’s own (see all those shitty Gary Marshall vignette films). 

Lucky for us we also have a perfect story.  This film has everything: redemption, friendship, love, betrayal, materialism, capitalism, competition, fucking TIME TRAVEL. And a dance number to goddamn Thriller. 

This movie created the catch-phrase, “Fabuloso”, which would eventually become the best smelling cleaning product of all time. It brought back Razzles, no doubt saving that entire brand from bankruptcy. It has complicated parental relationships, complex female friendships, a pre-wedding love confession scene, an NYC fall photoshoot montage, an accidentally fall-down kiss scene, a popular high school guy now a balding loser scene, a heroine saves the magazine scene, and a Pat Benetar slumber party pillow fight. 

SETTING

NEW. MOTHERFUCKING. YORK. CITY. Is there any other place where a 30 year old can be the editor of a fashion magazine and live in an $8 million apartment???

SOUNDTRACK

I mean, you’ve got The Go-Go’s, Whitney Houston, Madonna, Billy Joel, Liz Phair, Rick Springfield, Talking Heads, Soft Cell, I COULD ON AND ON. 

CONCLUSION

I am a rom-com SLUT. I have seen all of them, but this one is the stand out. Instead of limiting Jenna to the “she falls in love and finally changes her life” trope, it explores ALL the reasons Jenna’s life went off track. Not just because she lost her best friend along the way, but because now she’s dishonest, disloyal, and though she has the trappings of the life she dreamed of, she isn’t the person she thought she would be. In fact, Matty is not even the main thread of all of it. 

The takeaway here is that being present is more important than worrying and wishing about the future.Which is actually some intense deep Buddhist shit. 

By living in the moment we’re in, we can shape our lives however we want. Jenna was so intent on creating her idea of a perfect life, that she missed what was right in front of her. When she got a glimpse of what she thought she wanted, she realized how empty it was. The money, the cool job, the $8 million apartment doesn’t mean shit when you don’t have any real connections to anyone. And is there any better moment then when she goes back to her closet birthday party, kisses Matty and slams Tom-Tom’s drink in her face and calls her a “Biatch”? NO. It’s the most satisfying moment in American cinema. 

TWO THINGS

1.This movie has 0 diversity and is 100% straight white people problems. I acknowledge it. It is problematic. I don’t know what to say. It was the time, I didn’t make the movie, and thank the lorde things are changing.

2.Lucy’s take on Poise re-branding was 100,000% better than that Abercrombie bullshit Jenna came up. Don’t @ me.

JUDY GREER 2020

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A Definitive Ranking Of 2000s Rom Coms

Although people who peaked in high school like to act poetic about how great the 2000s were, they werent actually any better than the present day. I mean, it was a time when Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake wore matching denim outfits in public and nobody carted them off to an insane asylum.

But Im prepared to make a concession on two points: 1) At least we werent under the administration of a sentient slime mold wearing a bad wig. 2) The 2000s were a golden age for romantic comedies, mostly thanks to Judy Greers tireless efforts to play every heroines best friend. Plus, only like half the jokes were sexist, and there was about an 80% chance pre-pretentious Matthew McConaughey would show up.

Obviously, a betch has to be picky about her rom-comssome are shitty in a good way, but others are best avoided in case someone catches you watching them. To guide your Netflix viewings, here’s a totally objective list of 00s rom coms. If you disagree, which Im sure everyone will, please note that Im not actually forcing you to watch these movies; Im just saying that if you regularly watch any of the bottom five, you have terrible taste.

14.

is considered a modern classic by two groups of people. 1) men in their late 20s with a crush on Natalie Portman and a thriving quarter-life crisis and 2) 8th graders in 2004 under the assumption that any movie that features a Shins track in its soundtrack is automatically deep. To everyone else, its a film about self-absorbed white people whining about their lives until theyre magically fixed by the power of mixtapes. There are approximately a zillion issues with this film, beginning with Zach Braffs complete lack of expression and ending with the fact that you cant cure real depression by listening to The Shins, no matter how clearly superior the soundtrack is to anything else in this film. Worst of all, though, is the fact that Natalie Portman played a manic pixie dream girl so obnoxious I still dream about strangling her character sometimes. Padme deserves so much better.

13.

Im not saying romantic comedies have to make much sense, but s plot is mystifying. Matthew McConaugheys parents are tired of him living at home, so they call in a lady high class escort (Sarah Jessica Parker) whose job is literally seducing men into moving out of their parents basements and unceremoniously dumping them. Because that’s plausible, and not at all fucked up to force your son to fall in love with someone you’re paying. Ridiculous premise aside, you know a movie is terrible when famed nicegirl Zooey Deschanel is the best thing about it.

12. Monster-in-Law

In case you missed this one, and for your sake I hope you did, is about Jane Fonda inexplicably being terrible to Jennifer Lopez, who walks a lot of dogs and is engaged to Fondas son. That right there should tell you all you need to knowI cannot think of one movie that JLo was in that was anything above mild torture, and we’re supposed to root for her character why, exactly? If my son was engaged to a full-time dog walker you can best believe I’d do everything short of actual murder to put a stop to that bullshit.

11.

Im told some people love this movie, but Jesus fucking Christ, is it possible for the two main characters to be any more appalling? Here you have two assholes manipulating the shit out of each other and just generally acting psychotic, all to win a stupid bet with their friends. They really should call it “How To Act Like A Psychopath And Lose Your Dignity.”

10.

Not gonna lie, I fucking adored when I was an impressionable preteen. It had time travel! Mark Ruffalo! A makeover scene! Years later, the movie is still fun to watch, even if it is way too obsessed with the 80s, but the jokes are more cute than funny. Also, why would anyone allow their 13-year-old child to go to a sleepover hosted by a 30-year-old? That is … questionable to say the least. Not to mention Jennifer Garner’s character does a reverse transformation from a betch into a nicegirl and dumps her hot pro bf in favor of her formerly fat friend. Blah blah, true love, I don’t give a fuck. Tenth.

9.

is close to being wrapped in cutesy narration, but it’s far superior. For one thing, it reintroduced the world to Joseph Gordon-Levitts dimples. For another, it manages to be a fairly realistic depiction of a shitty millennial relationship without being super fucking depressing. But thats also kind of the problemrom coms arent supposed to be realistic, theyre supposed to be clich and feel-good, and I don’t care what you say, Summer is a thot. I have literally stayed up at night mapping how she could have possibly met someone worthy of engagement a mere 118 days after she broke up with Tom, and only six days after attending a wedding as his guest (yes I did the mathI told you; this movie keeps me up at night). No matter how you slice it, she had to have cheated on somebody.

8.

Full disclosure: As a Southern betch, Im stoked that takes place right next door. (Dear Hollywood: An entire country exists between New York and LA.) But even though it features Patrick Dempsey as the other man, Josh Lucas with a dreamy Southern accent, and Reese Witherspoon, there are still some issues. Mainly, WTF WERE YOU THINKING, MELANIE? Did you really dump your future president fianc for your secret redneck husband just so “the first boy you kissed could also be your last”? I’ve heard of trying to keep your number down, but damn if this isn’t some delusional shit.

7.

Everyone on planet Earth can relate to having a batshit crazy family, and thats exactly what makes appealing. The two leads are fine, considering they’re not Kate Hudson or Matthew McConaughey, but the extended family is everyones favorite part of the movie. Honestly the most memorable moment to come out of this movie is the “put some Windex on it”pretty good deal for Windex, not so much for the people who actually starred in the movie. However, it does get points for the memorable line: “The man may be the head of the household, but the woman is the neck and she can turn the head any way she pleases.”

6.

The plot is pretty flimsy (a Canadian businesswoman has to marry her assistant to avoid deportation) but everyone loves a story where the couple starts out hating each other and eventually falls in love. The cast is what makes this movie pure rom com gold: Sandra Bullock, Ryan Reynolds, and Betty fucking White, who gifted us with the infamous Native American dance scene. Basically, it’s predictable but ridiculous, making it better than some of the other garbage movies on this list.

5.

Admittedly, is probably to blame for some of the chubby man-child/beautiful, svelte woman couplings we see in the media that give men unrealistic beauty expectations (of the types of women they can expect to date), otherwise known as The Beyonc/Jay Z Phenomenon. But whatevs. Its a good movie. Seth Rogen has that whole dad bod thing going onapparently a thing some people are intoand Katherine Heigl was at the top of her rom com game before she pissed off the entire cast of .is actually hilarious, which is enough to make up for the fact that Katherine Heigl appears in it.

4.

Even aside from my undeniable crush on youthful Sandra Bullock, is a quintessential early-2000s romantic comedy. Allow me to explain. 1) It stars an ambitious career woman who dont need no man. 2) But she kind of wants one anyway, and everyone realizes what a catch she is when she puts on lipstick and a dress. 3) Did I mention its plot is literally an extended makeover scene as Bullock goes from bad ass FBI agent to bad ass beauty pageant contestant? I rest my case. Add in some cute female friendships and a scene in which Bullock teaches us how to fend off an attacker, and its basically required viewing every year.

3.

You had to know was going to make the list despite this amazing take-down article of why it’s actually terrible. With approximately a bajillion storylines going on, its hard not to find one you like and get invested, and it doesnt hurt that the film features every well-known British actor under the sun. Im not sure how the movie manages to juggle all the different plots without being confusing and/or boring, but Im not gonna question it. However, this shit is TOO FUCKING LONG. If I have to pop an Adderall just to make it through a damn movie (which I do), you need to send your editors back to the drawing board.

2.

is the perfect example of a rom com thats super clich in theory, but in practice, its so fucking heartwarming it doesnt even matter (ugh). Katherine Heigl plays ultimate nicegirl Jane (in case the fact that her name is “Jane” wasn’t enough of a clue), whos been part of 27 weddings and miraculously hasnt gone broke from buying all the bridesmaid dresses. The dudes are pretty forgettable, but Janes psychotic sister and slutty best friend totally steal the spotlight, elevating the film to truly betchy heights.

P.S. For once, James Marsden plays the leading man, so his preternaturally perfect face gets more screen time, #bless.

1.

Bridget Joness Diary is the ultimate feel-good movie, as in its literally impossible to watch it without feeling your icy soul thaw ever so slightly at the end. The titular character starts out fat, single, and past the age of 30, so basically our worst nightmare. By the end, though, she manages to bang Hugh Grant and Colin Firth, land a better job, and become a self-described wanton sex goddess. If those arent your life goals, you clearly need to start your own self-help journey.

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