#like it's not really insomnia i know that if i put my phone down im asleep in like

[just-a-little-unionoid]

so that's it uh I successfully went to bed on time once and now I'm back on the whole insomnia bullshit?

[biibini]

Could you possibly write something for modern mizu with a gf that bakes alot during the odd hours at night due to insomnia to past the time :^ due to this, mizu gets gifted a bunch of sweets and pastries

modern!mizu x baker!reader (request)

a/n: this is such a cute idea omg,,, personally im more of a cook over baker (my roomie bakes more than me) but i do like a good pastry. time to add my fav gif of mizu … isn’t she just so dreamy 😻

the first few times u stayed over, u were able to sleep in peace with mizu

surprisingly, ur insomnia didn’t keep u fully awake while ur gf was sleeping

feeling her warm arms wrap around ur body made u feel more secure as u started to slumber

u weren’t fully knocking out every night but it became easier to fall asleep and stay asleep for a good duration of the night

it felt so satisfying to finally sleep through most nights

as midterms became closer & closer, the quality of ur sleep began to decrease dramatically

most nights spent with mizu ended up into some

and then some nights became few

at first, u attempted to hide ur insomnia with using homework and projects as an excuse

initally, they weren’t excuses but u had played the card so much that it started to become one

It was a week and a half before midterms week, aka hell on earth. You and Mizu had just finished dinner, now relaxing on her bed. While she was busy on her phone, you were preparing to find the best way to fall asleep successfully. Staring into your laptop in front of you, you felt her get up from the bed.

She walked over to the bathroom and getting ready to go slumber. You on the other hand, are still mentally stuck on how well you will sleep tonight.

Having insomnia meant having many off days and nights. During high-school, it was more difficult to manage your sleep schedule due to the amount of extra-curricular activities and schoolwork you had to balance while growing up. You’ve found a few ways and simple tricks to fight against it.

One way that helped you calm down during high school was baking. A messy task, yes, but the end result was worth it. It had been a few years since it’s gotten this bad. Junior year was a while ago, and the thought of college during that time sent your stress levels through the roof.

Maybe bringing back baking wouldn’t be so bad…

“Hey baby?”

You snapped out of your empty stare and look up at Mizu.

“Yes?”

“Are you going to wash up soon? It’s past midnight and you have a 9 AM tomorrow.” she reminded. Mizu knew how grumpy you could be the next day if you stayed up too long.

“Yeah, um” you glance at your computer only to find a title slide on a history presentation, “I’ll sleep soon, I just want to finish my part of this project.”

Mizu nodded as she turned off every light except for the night next to you. You look up to her, a small smile growing on your face.

“M’kay,” she placed a hand on your cheek and planted a soft kiss on your forehead, “Just not too late.”

She moved to your lips, giving them a good night kiss.

“I’ll try.” You say as you reach for her face to share another good night kiss. You lower the brightness of your laptop as Mizu tucks herself in next to you.

An hour later, you end up finish your part of the presentation. You check your phone to let your group know about your completion. Putting it down, you read the time. 1:30 AM.

Fuck, you should really get some sleep for tomorrow’s lecture.

You slowly get out of bed, checking to make sure Mizu hasn’t waken up from your movement. All you hear is a turn to the other side away from you.

Whew.

You plug in your laptop quickly on the desk, making sure that all the lights in the apartment were closed. You gently tugged at the sheets, tucking yourself in as quietly as you could. As you started to close your eyes, you took a deep breath.

In. Out.

In. Out.

In. Out.

A grumble could be heard from Mizu, turning back towards you. You feel her hands try to find you, slowly grabbing what she could find. As she pulled you closer, you continued to relax your body.

Eyes closed, mind empty.

Yet, your mind does reach a thought. An anxious thought.

What if I wake up tired, like before?

You try to shake away the thought, enveloping yourself with Mizu’s presence. Forcing your eyes shut, you continue to take slow & deep breaths.

2:30 rolls in and you’re still stuck trying to fall asleep. Technically, you should be in dreamland right now instead of being awake. Your eyes are heavy but they not too heavy to completely close. Your body is still yet your mind keeps racing.

You trusted your old tricks would help you fall asleep. Hoping that they would work, your mind finally begins to clear up and rest.

as the days went by, it got progressively worse and worse

it went to the point where u were just always up, maybe spare an hour or two for a nap, and then the nightly attempt to fall asleep next to mizu

ur aware of what was happening yet ur mind wouldn’t stop running at full speed

u wish ur mind would just shut off

and if it wasn’t ur mind staying awake for once, it was ur body keeping u awake

it was so tiring to think ab peace night after night after night, hoping for a good nights sleep but to end up feeling drained and half awake once the sun rose

on nights where ur mind or body wouldn’t shut down, u ended up succumbing to ur old habits and took out the baking pan & sheets

u thought u could stay quiet like a few years before

on the other hand, mizu began to notice the slight changes in the house

whenever she would wake up for morning workouts, ur laptop would open and on ur lap

or the baking pan and whisks and mixing bowls would be dripping wet on the drying rack

once she found a new loaf of bread in the pantry, something was up

she figured u were just up cleaning late at night as a break from the late night homework grind

but with the random loaf, it didn’t quite fit the story she had in mind

one early morning, she heard a metal noise mid toilet and tiktok session in

(a/n: i’m guilty of doing that too sorry)

concerned, she went go check in the bedroom to find an empty bed

“Y/N?” she quietly called into the hallway.

God damnit.

You had accidentally banged the baking pan on the oven’s metal rack. You quickly slid the pan into the oven, hoping the croissants u had just prepped wouldn’t be seen. You peeked over your shoulder to see Mizu’s eyes half awake, trying to comprehend what she was seeing.

You quickly checked the time on the clock. No way it was already time for her workout.

5:30 AM.

“Morning, Mizu.” A weak smile spread on your face. You felt blood rushing to your cheeks, stemming from the embarrassment of getting caught in the act.

“I just went to the bathroom and heard a noise. What’s going on, Y/N?”

She looked down into the oven, spotting the croissants.

“Did you want a sweet treat that badly?” her voice questioning you and slightly concerned. She walked towards you and gently pressed your hand.

“No, it’s just that…”

“That?”

You took a deep breath as you glanced down at her hand grasping onto yours. You look up to her eyes, ready to tell the truth. Her blue eyes seemed more awake and ready to listen, almost glowing in the dark.

“I have insomnia.” You let the truth spill out. “It hasn’t been this bad since high school but coping with it has been a bit difficult these days. I’ve tried so many ways to shut my mind off but nothing’s working.”

“Aw, baby…”

“And the best way I managed it back when it was worse was baking. It helped me keep my mind off things and pass the time.” You took a step back to find your phone and put on a timer for 12 minutes.

“So here I am. Back to old habits.” You ended, sighing in relief. You weren’t sure of what Mizu’s reaction would be. A little part of you was frightened, anxiously waiting for her response.

You didn’t expect her next actions. She let go of your hand and headed toward the sink, calmly washing the bowls and other dishes that have collected over the night.

Stunned, you watched as she continued to wash up. You looked over to see her reaction only to find a calm face.

“Mizu?” you asked, still confused about her response.

She looked up, her hands still cleaning the mixing bowls you had used.

“Did you need help with anything else before I go to the gym? I know insomnia must be hard to cope with but if this is what helps you pass the time,” Mizu finishing the final bowl, placing it gently on the dishwasher rack. “I’d like to help out in any way I can.”

“No, I’m okay but thank you for cleaning up for me.” Coming up to her, you give her a kiss on the cheek. She smiles at you and nods.

“Anytime, hon.”

She takes a glance at the clock. 5:40 AM.

“I’m gonna get ready now. Let me know if you need anything or any ingredients.” She hurries into the bedroom, getting ready to change into gym clothes.

“Okayyy.” You say, checking your phone for the timer.

A thought comes to mind.

“Actually, there is one thing you can do.” You say, following her into the bedroom. Mizu, mid-tying her hair, paused and gave you her full attention. “You can be my little taste tester.”

She chuckled as she fixed her hair into a bun.

“I get first dibs? For lil ol’ me?”, she says playfully as she grabs one of her light zip-up jackets from the closet, completing her workout outfit.

You nod happily. “Mhm. You can even request a recipe or two.”

How enticing, Mizu thought.

if u were up during her workout days, she would always find a fresh batch of pastries sitting on the dining table

on days that her or ringo had classes, u would leave a little bag or container of pastries that they go bring to school

u would always leave a little love note with a little heart and a “To my Mizu”

mizu loved the little gifts, especially if they were at her request

one night, she asked for a peach cobbler pie

woke up the next morning to find a slice in a container and a sticky note atop reading “a request for my love ♥︎”

she placed the sticky note by her desk

and brought the slice to school with her

after her class she shared with akemi, they decided to get some late morning tea by the coffee shop nearby

mizu’s eyes widen after the first bite settled in

it was bomb

peaches were practically bursting in her mouth

she continued to eat, trying to contain the deliciousness of the pie

she would text u later ab how good it was

in full detail

many paragraphs

many positive critiques

and end with a thank you for ur baking ♥︎

[blkkizzat]

I've been a virgin all my life like im talking no masturbation either.

So i tried fingering since my friends said it worked for them and it hurts like a bitch like seriously how do people feel pleasured from this?!?! 🥶

so masturbation on a larger level is self-care so make it apart of a self-care routine... now i usually just take a clit vibe and bust one out (sometimes just to sleep cause insomnia a BITCH lol) but i have a whole routine if i wanna use my fingers or a dildo, etc.

more below~ hjdscdkjfhvskdj not me explaining in detail how i masturbate... lol oh well let's go...

ok so first. set the mood for yourself, especially if you want vaginal penetration it's all about being relaxed enough for it to be enjoyable.

so take a bath, put some nice smelling lotion on, get in your fav undies or if you feel better nude thats fine too. light a candle. grab some lube. if you partake in marijuana, shrooms or alcohol (wine goes straight to my puss) this is an option too, but NOT NECESSARY. but if that is apart of your self care already then include it.

put on some soothing sounds. if you dont have a fav then tantric frequency music works, actually i would suggest this because it will be less distracting and the frequency allows you to connect to your body more.

next take your time. idk if you ever really took the time to explore your body. just touch yourself. but not anywhere sexual so leave your kitty and tiddies alone for a while. you know how in winter if your car been outside you gotta warm it up before you can drive it? its like that.

pleasure is a total body experience, so get your entire body sensitive first. you can make yourself wet without even touching your coochie. dont rush. slow down and really identify how various touch feels. (you can even apply lotion if you want too or body oils if you like)

just close your eyes and trace your body with touch, press, poke, pull, tug, stroke, etc, with various amounts of pressure (feather touch to rough) on various parts. just find what feels good and do that. concentrate on the music and try to find a rhythm. finally when you get to the point you find yourself aching and rubbing legs together then you can start touching more obviously erogenous zones like tiddies and vag. this is important to wait though (the longer you do this the more sensitive you will be, i sometimes do it for 20-30 min of just exploring touch) because the longer you wait to touch the more sensitive and better it will feel.

start with touching your vulva/coochie lips, softly, do what feels good and dont rush. tease around the clit and entrance, but dont touch or penetrate yet. then once ive done that a while thats when you can start touching your clit. sometimes thats more than enough and you will just cum from that and if you dont want to go further dont force it.

its completely normal for initial penetration to hurt or be uncomfortable. even for non virgins if you have done it in a long time you are gonna tighten back up. lube comes in handy make sure to lather the area and fingers good. so its all about now what feels good but since everything is gonna be uncomfortable at first i would just put a finger in there and just be still. dont move it. just get used to it being in there, almost like you're cockwarming your finger fhkjhsdfjkhsdjk. but i do this when i move up dildo sizes and its uncomfortable. i will literally just leave it in there for a while. sometimes ill then disengage and do other things like be on my phone, grab my switch and play somethin hkfgfsdjkhfdshj. but the point is you are just allowing your body to adjust lol. then take it out, theres been times where i havent felt anything pleasurable to until i took it out and then my coochie is like "wait bitch we were comfy and full" and then i start craving it back in. thats when you can experiment with a little motion. or start rubbing at your clit to help. dont do too much too fast and honestly its probably going to take a few tries for you to really feel comfortable with it but the more you do it, the less you need to do to work yourself open and you will be comfortable with what your body needs.

the key is just finding what your body needs to feel good. also you might get emotional or overwhelmed or even cry. not from pleasure but if you've never really masturbated or really explored than your sacral/root chakra is probably a bit blocked. when you release that it can be a bit overwhelming sense thats a huge center for emotions. if you don't know much about it you can learn about it here and here more.

good luck babes!

[nctangelz]

SPREAD OUR WINGS — EP.1 :: TRAVEL WITH MOCHI MONI ☀️🌊

note :: italics are in english!

THE VLOG STARTS with monique sitting in her bed, still in her silk pj’s and messy hair. SHES SO GIRLFIEND!!!!

“good morninggggg, nctzens!” monique yawns, stretching and climbing out of her bed. she placed her camera on her desk infront of her window, waving at the camera before she walks around her room. she grabs her clothes and runs away to her bathroom, singing EASY by nct angelz.

once moni returns, she’s dressed in her oversized sweatshirt she got from her harry styles concert, sweatpants and her favorite black cap! nctzens could see a man poke out in the corner of the room with black short hair, unfortunately his face was blurred so we’ll never know who this mysterious man was 💔…but he tags along! moni is the queen of mystery & suspense.

“today, i am awake very early to catch a flight to jeju island!!” monique shares, yawning while she reaches over to grab her makeup bag. “typically, i book night flights…but i can only stay in jeju for a few days, so im going to make the most of it!” moni shares, massaging her face with her mosturizer and sunscreen.

“i’m going to apply some concealer just to make me look a little more alive….i got eleven hours of sleep and i still look like i got none.” monique sighs, “that’s what years of insomnia do to you,” monique chuckles, applying her makeup. ( YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL MONI! ).

“i’m going to put some mascara and lip gloss on and then im going to leave…hopefully i have enough time to grab coffee and a snack before my flight takes off.” monique says, grabbing her camera and going to her living room, sliding her sneakers on and grabbing her duffle bag. “i parked my stuff right by the door last night - that way i can get up and go!”

monique and the mysterious man made their way out of her apartment, climbing in the taxi and driving towards the airport. “i’ll update you once i get on my plane!”

the vlog resumed by monique showing her view outside of the window, with the plane soaring through the clouds. “hello, mochizens! (she’s adorable) if you’re wondering, i got some coffee and some breakfast before i took off, so im all fed and happy!” monique whispered, setting her camera down on her table infront of her. “i land in about twenty minutes, so i’m going to fix my hair!”

monique took her cap off and widen her eyes at the frizzy hairs, frantically pushing her hair down. “my hair is wild!” monique states, brushing her hair and separating it into two sections. “ever since i was a kid, i had crazy hair. it never does well in the heat, so im going to braid it to attempt to contain it.”

monique showed herself braiding her hair, pulling out her tiny baby hairs and waving to camera when she was done. “am i so pretty?” monique asks, posing infront of the camera. “im going to keep my makeup as it is…i think once we— i get settled im going to go to the beach and have a swim!”

“the first time i ever went to jeju was right after my debut…johnny, jaehyun and I saved our money up and booked a trip to jeju as soon as time allowed! it was so nice to have a relaxing trip after having really busy schedule and working really hard…we didn’t stay in the nicest hotel and we weren’t able to eat out at any restaurants but we still had fun! i remember johnny would wake jaehyun and i up everyday by singing beyoncé and throwing our swimsuits at us.” monique giggled, scrolling through her phone to find some pictures.

“we were so young! look at what babies we were!” monique laughs, showing the camera an old picture of the trio, the three of them standing on the beach together…monique on the middle with the boys on the side of her. “how old would we be? johnny and i were around 21…jaehyun was only 19! that’s crazzzyyyy.”

“i never traveled a lot growing up, but i’ve been able to go visit nctzens in so many other countries and explore their countries…and it’s amazing! i love traveling! this is going to be my third time visiting jeju…i think. in 2019 my cousin came to visit me and we took a trip to jeju!”

“i’m landing in a couple minutes, so ill see you at the beach!”

monique brings the vlog back by showing the beautiful view at the beach, zooming in at the beautiful ocean. she later flipped the camera, bringing it up to show nctzens her swimsuit. there was another apperance from the mysterious man…his hand was resting on monique’s hip but quickly moved when he saw the camera. “it’s so bright out here!” monique says, bring her camera down to put her sunglasses down. “i’m going to swim for a bit…and then go to this beach bar!”

monique inserted a few clips of the ocean, her walking on the beach, and eventually, her at the beach bar in her coverup, sipping on her drink. “i never drank on a ocean before…it’s nice!” monique shares, bringing her drink up to show the viewers. “strawberry daiquiri…tasty.”

“the sun is setting now…so the heat isn’t too crazy anymore. i don’t like drinking when it’s hot out…i had a bad experience doing it when i was young and naive.” monique chuckles, “i sound like a grandma…i bet haechan would have mocked me if he was here.”

“i just became an adult and was drinking outside in the middle of the summer with my friends…and i got really hot and passed out…it wasn’t fun.” monique shared, “listen to your bodies and don’t surpass your limit, kids.”

monique kept sipping on her drink, playing with her hair in the process. “i feel really relaxed, nctzens! after you finish watching this, go do something that brings you peace!”

monique finished her drink, gently placing it down and sitting back in her seat, admiring the view infront of her. the vlog goes in fast pace, showing monique walking on a trail through the beach and the mountains, returning to normal pace once monique is back to her rental.

“this rental is really nice and big!” monique exclaims, now dressed in a pink night dress, her hair put up in a claw clip. “it’s really close to the beach, and it has a bunch of windows!” monique says, turning her camera to show wall length windows in her living room, giving her a wonderful view of the beach. “i would love to live in a place like this one day,” monique shares, giving a brief tour of the living room, “i could have movie nights with my kids in this living room and show them my favorite movies! look at these speakers, it would be like your in the movies!” monique giggles turning the camera back to her face. “and then when we are done watching movies, i’ll show them my favorite videos of the members!”

moni then walked to her room, showing the viewers her big bed and the ocean view! “nctzens, i’m going to get some rest after this long day…thank you for tuning in! i hope you all get to take some nice and relaxing vacations this year!” monique says, smiling and waving to the camera, blowing kisses before ending the vlog.

1.8M VIEWS, 1M LIKES, 100K COMMENTS

uploaded in june, 2023

WANT TO READ SOME COMMENTS?

WHO IS THIS MAN? and don’t be telling me it’s her manager CUZ DID U SEE THE HAND PLACEMENT? 🧎 moni is getting treated right

i feel like i’m interrupting…why did SM make her record on her romantic getaway..poor girl

the editors did her dirty…they caused a whole scandal for their carelessness

moni sharing her memories with nctzens is so 🥺🥺 she loves her boys sm

THIS VLOG ISNT LONG ENOUGH! I WANT A WHOLE MOVIE DEDICATED TO MOCHI TALKING ABOUT HER MEMBERS AND HER FUTURE FAMILY

tags :: @yjjnfied

[cowplant-pizza]

hey guys this is a huge personal rant about my irl so if u dont wanna read it just scroll!!

so as some of u will know i am disabled with fibromyalgia, hyper mobility and also depression and anxiety.

i started a small biz to try to help bring funds in as i cant work a proper job (i was even told by my dr that working was out of the option)

im feeling doubly, even tripley sorry for myself rn because not only do i have a disability, but i have it so bad that i can’t even do what most people with this disability can do (work part time or even full time in some cases)

my disability took away my dream from working with animals because its such a labour intensive job

i saw a silver lining in creating my small business because it was something i was really passionate about and was actually doing really well

in 2020-2021 i made £21k which is a reasonable salary for someone with no qualifications (i had to drop out of school due to my disability) and also a small business in their first year of existing

however since covid has “ended”, and lockdown was lifted, my sales have plummeted. the following year i only made £4k

this year i’m sure i’ve made even less

i cant keep up with my business because i’m way too stressed about money. stress makes fibromyalgia waaaay worse for those wondering

i cant sleep at night. i have awful insomnia. but when i do finally get to sleep, i cant wake up. i describe it as a sleep coma. its like sleep is literally pulling a blanket over my head and suffocating me back to sleep. i actively fight with my body every day for the ability to wake up

once i wake up i have minimum energy. this is spent doing small everyday tasks like watering my plants, playing with my dogs, putting away laundry, showering ect. once those tasks are done, i’m spent. i could sleep again. i have no energy or motivation to work on my business

but some days i dont even have the energy to do those small things

i just sort of “zombie mode” along all day. time goes quickly and slowly at the same time

i thought i’d been awake like 30mins earlier but it had been 5hrs and my dinner was ready

i’m basically always confused and not with it. earlier i put a tissue on the side and my mug in the bin (still with cold tea in it) instead of the other way around. i put soap in my hair and shampoo on my body puff

i dont know what to do

i have a drs appointment on 16th but that was booked over a month ago and its only over the phone. i rang today to try and book another one (because you can only discuss one issue at a time), and opted for the callback service (if your past 5th in the queue you press the callback and keep your spot). i was 8th. i never got a call back

i honestly just feel like the entire world is against me

im trying to get an adhd/autism diagnosis because i know something is “wrong” up there but i cant even get a regular appointment let alone a referral

i get no support from my government. no benefits. i scored a 0 on my PIP interview. im going to try for universal credit but someone recommended waiting for my adhd/autism diagnosis to really push them to give it to me but, as i said, i cant get an appointment

im making about 50-100 per month

i dont see anything bright in my future

if you read this far honestly your a gem. im sorry for burdening this on your shoulders. i just needed to write it down and get it off my chest

[inyourwildestdreams22]

Wow I missed all the fun because I was out lol.

Anyway reading Tom print interviews always leave me feeling idk..uneven ? Idk the word in english lol but he's often so open it's kinda weird to think that I've been followed this stranger (and the other stranger he's dating) for years and somehow feel like I know them but also..don't at all ? Like everytime he's speaking about what he's struggling with personally (ie. drinking, mental health, sleep paralysis, insomnia) Im reminded that there's so many things we don't know (rightfully so). I gotta admit following them and Tomdaya tumblr is a form of escapism for me and I'm always saying to myself "it's really nothing deep I'm just chilling and having fun" but whenever interviews like this "hit" I realize that at this point Im not just "casually" following them since I left reading that interview putting my phone down and looking at my ceiling overthinking it for like 30s lol. Idk I'm just rambling atp but it makes me question stan culture all together and how I view celebs and stuff but Idk how to word it properly.

What happens is that stan culture is kinda rooted in parasocial relationships, it could be to a small degree or a bigger one, but it creates the ilusion to some fans that you know the people you stan, that’s why so many fans project or think they know what the person they stan wants or needs, the thuth is that you only see what celebs want you to see,there’s their private image that they preserve for themselves and you only know the things they choose to share, and listen we can all sometimes go a little bit parasocial but in the end if it’s too deep and it affects you, you should take a step back, stanning someone is supposed to be fun.

[night-creeps]

Im so eepy. Ran out of one of my sleep meds and my doctors gone for the next month, and turns out the other sleep med doesn't help as much as I thought it did. Back to taking a mouthful of nyquil before bed but even that doesn't help as much as it used to. So a request from your local insomniac, if you can fall asleep without pills please cherish it. Value it. Well and truly.

I went a long, long time assuming that when characters on tv and in movies could just lay down and go to sleep it was 'artistic liberties'. Even before I had a phone, I would stay up for hours reading. And when my books and flashlight got taken away I would sneak into the hallway and watch the TV shows my mom was watching (which were cop procedurals and/or henerally violent or scary shit she wouldn't watch when I was awake) and before that I would lay in bed for a long time and get scared because the dark started to look like it was moving.

So when I finally had a phone, of course I spent hours sitting on it until I fell asleep. I didn't know how else to pass the time. And doctors never believed me when I said it wasn't the phone causing my insomnia, the phone usage was a symptom of it. Eventually I found the words to explain it, similar to what I just said about being a kid staying up. Because I could never go to the doctor and feel comfortable lying and saying I managed to put my phone away for the night and still couldn't sleep. Because I would sit there for anywhere from 15 minutes to an hour and a half before giving in and pulling out my phone. But I eventually found the words to explain that the problem existed before having a phone. And I finally had a doctor who took me seriously, something I hadn't had my entire childhood and teenage years, so I actually got to try different medications until I found one. The one time I had brought it up with my psychiatrist he gave me a medication that caused drowsiness, but all it did was make my body tired. It was the worst week of my life, because my body didn't even have the energy to move but my brain was WIDE awake. So I would lay there for literally upwards of an hour, trapped in my own body and I didn't even have the energy to distract myself. And when I told him it didn't work he just concluded that I didn't actually have sleeping problems and that was the end of that conversation until I started seeing a family doctor regularly. And I told him, how there was a very big difference between drowsiness and sleepiness to me. That drowsiness was what I needed, because sleepiness only ever affected my body. Even when not caused by medication. I would spend days completely exhausting myself and I still couldn't sleep. So we started to expirement, testing out different meds that help insomnia. We didn't touch hypnotics/sedatives because he was hesitant to make me reliant on medication like that so young. But we found one that worked. And it was one of the biggest moments of "oh this is what normal people feel like." I could start feeling tired, and then put down my phone, and then FALL ASLEEP. This was not something I had ever been capable of. And I realized that other people HAD been capable of it. It was a big thing thar convinced me to start advocating for myself more in a medical setting. Not only because I had a doctor who BELIEVED what I said at face value, but because it was so fucking mind blowing how long I had been suffering like that. And I told myself I would never, EVER, take sleep for granted again. Because holy shit, it's incredible being able to sleep for 8 or more hours and wake up well rested.

I didn't really mean to turn this into a rant, but it's just so hard being back to not being able to sleep. I spent 18 years not sleeping properly, I've done my time. So if you somehow made it this far, please. For me. For anyone in your life with sleeping problems. For anyone else out there struggling with sleep. Value the rest you can get. The next time you're laying in bed about to fall asleep please take a moment to be grateful for it. It's one of those things that you well and truly do not think about until you can't do it properly.

[ryhyunie]

Stay Up

Characters: Baekhyun x OC

Genre: romance-fluff-lil smut

Word count: 2.3k

Now playing - Stay Up by. Baekhyun

01.00 am

I’m hugging my bedcover, rolling all around my bed, messing with the sheet like what I have done with my mind. With closed eyes, I'm trying to find a good position that can bring me to the dream land. Actually I don't have insomnia or any sleep problems, but I'm one hundred percent sure there’s a problem with my sleep schedule these past 2 days.

I'm feeling lonely. And loneliness is a self destructor for humans. Nobody can stand alone. Especially when they already feel the warmth of being loved.

And, some stupid fought bring me to this lonely nights, think of nothing, doing nothing, just craving for him would be here. I know fighting is an inevitable thing in every relationship, and usually me and my boyfriend could handle it in just a few hours. But its different this time, now our egos are took over the feeling, and yeah at the end of the day, we lost, we’re just young and dumb.

Ugh, I'm dying of missing him. You know what, as a person who studies psychology, the most basic thing that i learned is, no matter how angry you get, you always end up forgiving the people you love.

Then, my eyes automatically opened when I heard some noise from my balcony. I sat on the bed with a little fear creeping through my body. Who the hell makes noise on people's balconies at exactly 1 am? I took my cell phone which was on the nightstand beside the bed. Turned on the flashlight, and tiptoed to peek who was outside.

Im gasped, when suddenly someone stood right in front of me. Just before I let out a scream, the person immediately covered my mouth with his palm, and pushed my body against the wall.

I tried to free myself from his grip, then he took the phone from my hand and pointed the flashlight that I had turned on towards his face. "Hey, hey baby it's me."

I blinked a few times before looking straight into his eyes. Ah, that look, I miss him so much. After that my body immediately calmed down and he lowered his hand that was covering my mouth and placed it in the curve of my waist.

We both fell silent, stared at each other, and sank into the ocean behind our eyes together. I was the first to break the silence, clearing my throat softly, "So, what were you doing at my place, at 1 am? And how did you get up here?" I asked, considering my room was on the second floor and right below my room was my parents' room which he must have passed before going up here.

He chuckled, "It wasn't a big deal, my dear."

His hand danced towards my head, tucking the strands of hair that covered my face behind my ear while the other stayed on my waist. "I miss you, so fucking much. And you know I could do anything just to meet you."

He smiled. The most precious smile that I've ever seen in these 2 days since we started to avoid each other. The kind of smile that could bring you to cloud 9. I can't help but find myself smiling back at him. My hand found their way to his shoulder, hanging there as we usually do.

Without saying any apology, deep in our heart, we know that all the problems surrounding us just disappear just like that. Why do we need words when actions can be the most valid evidence?

In the next second, I can already feel his lips crashing on mine. His hand travels to the back of my head, tilting it so he can deeping our kisses. Suddenly he bites my lower lips that make me open my mouth of surprises. He didn't waste the opportunity and immediately entered his tongue around my mouth.

I held my breath and opened my eyes when his kiss started to go wild. He realized it and somehow I can feel he’s smiling on the kiss. Damn it! He really knows how to put the butterflies on my stomach. His movement is rough. I was struggling to keep up with his hungry kiss, but soon managed to move my lips in sync with him.

We’re both slightly panting when he finally lifted his lips from mine. His thumb went to my cheeks and carising it while planting a gentle kiss on my crown. Then, he leaned his forehead against me and closed his eyes. “It's driving me crazy, ​​​thinking about how I can get through these two days without doing that, to you.” He murmured.

Im pushed his body and guided him to sit on my bed. “Let's just… forget about it.”

He leaned closer to me again and made me close my eyes immediately, waiting for his lips on mine. But, nothing happens. Just his fingers around my jawline and his thumb playing with my lips. When I opened my eyes, he’s already raising his brow and smirked, “Do you want me to do something baby?”

I slightly slapped his chest and rolled my eyes. “What’s you wanna do, Beek?”

His smile never left his face, and his hand never stopped touching me everywhere he wanted, and I don't mind because I love it. “Just wanna make it up to you, and fix all the problems. I’m going to leave now, you should go back to sleep, I'm sorry for bothering you.”

When he was planning to stand up, I grabbed his wrist and showed my best-disappointed looks. “Are you going just like that? After sneaking into my room like a thief. It's not ‘like’ actually, cause you indeed steal my heart.”

Baekhyun’s smirked wided and cupped my cheeks with his palm, “Don’t dare you seduce me like that, when I can't do anything yet. I'm really sorry baby girl but I can't deal with you tonight. How about I bring you to the summer break party tomorrow night as my apology?” Damn, he’s really good at apologizing.

I Nodded my head and offered my pinky fingers, turning my personality from flirty to softy one and right after that I could hear my boyfriend chuckling under his breath. “Make sure you get through from the front door…”

“Yes princess.”

“...and don't forget to ask my dad permission.”

“Hahaha… That's challenging but, ofcourse i will.”

♡♥♥♡

As he promised yesterday, I really ended up at the party tonight. Loud music, strong smell of alcohol, laughter from people, and other 'ekhem' sounds. We have fun. No actually he's the one who gets vibbin, because I'm the type of person who gets bored quickly. So here I am, pouting my lips in the midst of people laughing.

While he’s playing PUBG with our friends, I suddenly climb off his lap and make him turn his gaze over me. I stood up and fixed my red silky dress, then responded to his where-are-you-going-expression, “I’m going to get a drink, do you want some?”

He nodded his head, and before I left a friend of mine grabbed my wrist, "I'm thirsty too, will you get me a drink, honey?” Then he blinked at me seductively.

And before I could reply to him, he was already screaming in pain when suddenly his shoulder was hit quite hard. “Don't dare you.” Hahaha, It’s Baekhyun who already gave him a death glare.

I chuckled before finally leaving. It didn't take long for me to come back with five bottles of wine in my hand. "Woah YN, started to lose control are you?” Chanyeol smirked when I was already on my boyfriend’s lap and ready to open up my first bottle.

I didn't say a word, and offered the opened bottle to him and of course he gladly accepted it. Then I returned my attention to my boyfriend. My fingers are dancing on his shoulder, tugging at the collar of his shirt while the top two buttons are already opened and showing off his bare chest. I look exactly like a cat who's trying to get its owner's attention. I smiled when finally he’s paying attention to me. Tickling my waist and making me giggle. “Are you sober, baby?”

My hands went to his back head, and grabbed his hair, rolled my eyes. “Yes of course! I’m just bored. You bring me to this party but you leave me alone and busy with that game.”

I pouted my lips and he’s cupping my cheeks and playfully squeezing it like a squishy. “Okay I’m sorry. So, what do you wanna do now?” I shrug my shoulders in response, a sign I don't have any ideas.

He’s humming, bringing his lips closer to my ear, making me shiver down his warm breath, “Wanna dance?”

I looked at him before finally turning to look around, I frowned in confusion, "Don't you see it's really crowded? Where do you want to dance?I think we'll be squashed right away as soon as there."

He took his drink while looking thoughtful. Then he bit on his glass with a smirk, chucking. “How about on my lap?” He asked teasingly, raising a brow.

I opened my mouth and eyes in disbelief. Then covered half of my face with my hands, my face must have been similar to her favorite strawberry, red, blushing. “What the fuck Byun Baekhyun? Are you sober?” I asked while placing my hand on his forehead, making sure he was still sane.

He laughed. His laughter floated and became the most beautiful melody I heard that night. Then he took my hand and brought it to his lips, placing a small kiss there. And in the blink of an eye, he turned me around to face him. “You know what, you look twice sexier when you blush. Make me hungry and craving for you as my appetite.”

His hand runs on the curve of my waist and then pulls my hips closer while his mouth doing his favourite job on my neck. He’s suckling the joint that separates my neck from my shoulder and biting it at the very right place, making me bite my lower lips to hold the moan that almost escapes. I almost lost in his game but before we could go further, the sound of the clock ticking indicating the time is 12 o'clock at night took me up to the reality. Slightly, I pushed his chest away, “Baekhyun, you promised my father to return home before 12.”

He stopped his activities, tilting his head and smiling with amusement instead of looking panicked, “Oh yeah? Am I in trouble?”

Oh shit! What was with that face? Is he planning to kill me with that seductive but addicting smile? What pops into his mind? What is he planning?

He chuckled, noticing the confusion on my face. His hand moved to caress my hair, went to my cheeks, and ended up with his thumb on my lips. “Since we already disappointed you father… How about we continue it at my place?” He asked, teasingly, with his right thumb on my lips, and his other palm playing with my inner thigh, making me hold my breath.

I can’t be the only one who lost in this game. He has no idea how ‘innocent’ I am. So, I smiled back at him, pointed at his exposed chest, drawing a circle, “ And what exactly are we gonna do there babe? “

He pulled his and made a perfect curve there, “Hmm… I was wondering what my baby wanted to do in my place?” His hand travelled too far, sneaking under the hem of my dress. I have to close my eyes tightly, trying to tolerate the overwhelmed pleasure that he gave.

I can’t hold this anymore. I have to stop this before we both couldn’t stop anymore. “Stop it right there. Do you want me to be a public consumption?”

Those words knock his selfish ego perfectly. Look at his jealous face, his hand immediately wrapped around my body. His eyes looked around us, ready to send a death glare to anyone who dared to stare at me. Ah i love his possessive side, it’s always make the butterflies on my stomach go crazy.

♡♥♥♡

He pressed my body against the wall without breaking our kisses. He slammed the door with his foot. I could feel his body was full of desire and impatience. Slowly, he runs his hands down my body, into the hem of my dress and I don't even know what’s going on, but it’s already lifted over my head.

I hold my breath when he takes his shirt off. I couldn't blink for any second, I didn't want to waste the perfect view of his abs. Out of my control, my hands were already on his shoulder sliding down to framing his abs. “You have all night admiring that part, now let’s do business.” He whispers, then lifts me up and heads towards his bedroom.

It’s not the first time I'm lying on his bed, but no matter how often, I'll never get used to it. He climbs up on me and starts to kiss me endlessly. Start with so much love, but it turns to a hungry one. My spine feels on fire when his bare skin touches mine.

I lick my lips after the kisses and make him chuckle. I stared at his body above me, what a perfect creature that I date. Then, I saw him moving to the nightstand beside his bed and pulling condoms from the drawer. You gasped a little, “Youre so well-prepared, sir. Are you really planning to do this?”

Instead of answering my question, he just smiled while doing his stuff. The next thing I could remember, he’s already knocking the entrance of my sensitive thing down there.

[mariska]

good morning tiny friends inside of my phone i hope those of u who are awake are having a good day so far and those of u who are not awake i also hope u eventually have a good day as well :-) i've been trying to wake up earlier than i usually do which typically doesnt last longer than a few days for me because of my adhd and the insomnia that goes along with it, BUT! i have a two day streak so far so. thats nice lol.

anyways i am just sharing my morning thoughts with u all......almost every day for the past two and a half years i've made myself write phone notes of song lyrics or concepts or ideas or record little melody snippets in my voice memos whenever they happen to pop up in my head (if im able to in the moment, like if im not busy or at a health appointment or something) so that hopefully i can use at least some of them to make music or poems or art in general....so because of that i now have literally hundreds of fully or partially written songs, a few poems, a lot of slightly incoherent rambles, some snazzy melodies to practice on my guitar or with midi instruments in garageband lol, and a few ideas for entire albums or eps that i think would be really fun to explore.....its nice cuz i've always been super drawn to the idea of keeping a physical journal for myself, which i do try to do also, but because of my forgetfulness from adhd and also because holding a pen/pencil and the journal book and taking the time to write all that kinda stuff on paper can be too physically painful for me pretty often with my chronic pain and autoimmune flareups, the act of typing it all out into a digital notepad where i dont have to erase spelling errors or try to hold a big book steady enough that my writing is legible with my shaky hands is just way more accessible for me and so much faster.....

.....anyways again i just thought i'd share that with u guys! idk if anyone following me here who reads my occasional real life ramble posts is like, also a musician or songwriter or even a writer or artist in general and struggles with getting ideas down quickly like i do so, it's a neat work around for that issue for me at least. i don't always remember to but i like to try and write the date and time at the top whenever i do save songs or thoughts or poems just for my own sake of knowing what i was thinking or processing at a particular time in my life. all of this to say i woke up today and had what i think could be a really fun and creative conceptual songwriting exercise for myself that just popped into my head out of nowhere and i just spent the past hour, which is literally how long i've been awake so far lol, writing a song with that concept in mind and i really like how it turned out and how it looks in word form so i think i might try to play around with chords and stuff on my guitar and see if i can make it into an actual song, even if it's not like, the most dramatic technical groundbreaking thing ever, i'd feel good just being able to put the words to a melody at all. so that is my task for today if i can physically hold my guitar and do that, i haven't been able to much at all lately because i'm in a horrible pain flareup this month so fingers crossed 🥺🤞

[bitch-im-your-biggest-nightmare]

Parents fucking suck bro. [Corpse Husband & Reader]

Warnings: Arguments, bad parents, swearing, crying Summary: Y/N loves playing with Among Us with the others, even if she's the youngest among them. While shes playing with them, her parents walk in and are not happy with the fact she’s playing with them. There's a big argument and shit goes down but Corpse is there to comfort Y/N. Tag list:  @save-the-sky @alilshit @whatifwedo @hughugh20 @fleurmoon @bi-andready-tocry @itsminniekat @yoongi-holland @loraleiix @hacker-ghost @fanworrior @marvelous-musicals @annshit @unknown-and-invisible @letsloveimagines @hairbrush-anon @babyhoneystvles 

--------- --------- ---------

“Hey guys” Y/N greeted happily as they entered the lobby in Among Us. They have been playing Among Us with Felix, Sean, Rae, Toast, Sykkuno, Charlie, and Corpse for a while now. Y/N was 18 and still living at home, making money off of YouTube. They’re parents were strict and wanted them to have a “real job” like being a doctor. Y/N knew their parents were toxic and would disapprove of their job choice, so they keep it a secret.  

“hey Y/N” 

“Hello” 

“hii” 

“Whats up Y/N” 

Everyone began to greet them, which made them smile. Y/N was filming the gameplay of this for a new video on their channel. Everyone seemed to love when they played Among Us, so they always played it- doing commentary and music on the side. “How you guys doing on this..” they looked out the window of their darkened bedroom, seeing heavy rain pouring down from the dark clouds in the sky. “Pretty damn depressing day where i'm at, holy shit.”

There was a couple of laughs and chuckles, and everyone began to state what the weather was like where they were. There was a lot of “Its nice out where am”s. It rains a fuck ton where Y/N lives, especially during spring. But they loved it, rain was their favorite. 

“Alrriiight is everyone here?” Toast asked.

“Nope, Corpse is joining.” Sean announced, which caused sounds of happiness. Corpse was everyone's favorite, it was that damn voice. Corpse was Y/Ns bestie, they always had each other backs. There was many people who shipped them, but they both only wanted to be friends. 

A few seconds after Sean spoke, Corpse joined. “Hey guys.” Corpse said, he sounded tired. But that was common for him, he told you about his insomnia. He probably didn’t get any sleep last night.

“Alright lets start the game.” Sean said, clicking to begin the game. Y/N smiled at the big letters reading “IMPOSTER” at the top of their screen. They’re a really good imposter- as they were told. They first went to blend in with crewmates, going to walk around a bit. While roaming around, they went into electrical to fake a task. Y/N saw this as the perfect chance to get their first kill in. So, they snuck up and killed him, then they vented to escape. 

After a minute, a dead body was reported and they were now at an emergency meeting. 

“Where was the body?” Toast asked. 

“I found the body iiin.. electrical.” Rae replied, “Who was in there last?”

“I did see Y/N walking towards electrical.” Felix said, “That is where the body was found.” 

“Yeah, but did go into electrical?” Y/N said, “I was heading to reactor, I had a task there.” 

“Not the best alibi.” Sean said, “But I’ll take it.” 

“Could be Rea, but.. wait no.” Sykkuno said. 

“How could it be me if I reported the body?” Rae chuckled. 

“Yeah I know I just realized.” Sykkuno replied. 

“So... skip vote?” Corpse said. 

“I’m still sus on Y/N.” Felix said while voting for Y/N. 

“Vote Aoc shes kinda sus.” Y/N said, voting for Rae.

“Wha- Y/N!” Rae said. 

“Sus.” Y/N said plainly. 

“Ok yeah i'm skipping this vote.” Toast said, skipping the vote. 

Most people skipped the vote, so no one was out. Y/N continued to play the game how she would, until she killed someone and had to quickly vent because someone just walked by. That made them shriek, “oh sugar honey ICED tEA-” they laughed, “That was a close one, hah.” Well seemed they were being too loud because their mother walked in. 

“Why are you being so loud?” She asked, just as an emergency meeting started. 

“Oh shit- my moms here hold on.” Y/N said, going to mute but misclicking, so now they were all going to hear this. “I’m just playing Among Us.” 

“Shouldn’t you be looking for a job instead of playing stupid video games?” Mom said, stepping into the room. 

“Oh- uhm... I do YouTube as a job. I make money of it.” Y/N replied quietly, knowing what was to come next.

‘whAT?! YouTube is not a fucking job Y/N!! Me and your father told you many many times that we want you to be a doctor!” Mom yelled. Y/Ns sister got into a great college because of her smarts and intelligence, shes going to be a surgeon one day. But that just wasn’t Y/N, they wanted to make content for the people on the internet. And so far, it was working pretty damn well.

Y/N sighed, “Oh my god mom shut up! I hate all that doctor college bullshit. Im making enough money on here!”

“Are you delusional?! Why can’t you be more like your sister, shes so successful!” Mom yelled, she was in disbelief. She wanted to have the perfect children, but she only got one. 

“WHY DO YOU ALWAYS COMPARE ME TO HER?!?” Y/N screamed, beginning to cry. “What does it fucking matter?!” 

“You are such a fucking disappointment. Get off that damn game!” Mom said, running over to pull Y/N away. But Y/N pushed her back. 

“Bro FUCK off! its my goddamn business, Im a fucking adult now, leave my shit alone!” Y/N screamed through the tears. 

“I am your mother! I know best! Now get off that fuckin- OW!” Y/N slapped their mother straight across the face, pushing her out of their room and closing the door, locking it. They sat back down and looked at her screen. 

“Oh fuck. You heard all of that.” Y/n choked a little, “Shit.”

This is where Corpse came in, breaking the silence and shock between everyone. They listened to the whole thing, messaging each other in the chat what to do. “Hey, your moms an asshat.” 

Y/N flinched, hearing banging on her door and screaming. “And a fucking psychopath!” they sunk down a bit, putting their hands on their forehead and breathing heavily. “Shes gonna kill me!” 

“Hey hey hey, its alright Y/N. Don’t let her get to you, she doesn’t know what shes saying.” Rae said. 

“I personally think you have great content.” Toast said, “I don’t think i would trust you as a doctor.” 

“hey don’t listen to her Y/N, we’re always here for you.” Corpse said, “DM me and we can talk about it more, ok?” 

Y/N sniffled, “Ok.” Then they muted, taking their phone out to DM Corpse. 

T/N: Hey 

Corpse_Husband: Hey are you doing alright?

T/N: No

T/N: Do you think im a disappointment? Is YouTube really worth it?

Corpse_Husband: Disappointment? no. The only disappointment is that sad excuse of a mother you have. And YouTube? hell yeah its worth it. I started youtube off when I was younger and had a blast. If you’re having fun and making bank keep doing it! You’re 18, your mother doesn’t control you anymore. 

Corpse_Husband: Pewdiepie is a subscriber to your channel

Corpse_Husband: That should be enough motivation

T/N: you have weird ways of making me happy :’) 

Corpse_Husband: I do have facts. 

Corpse_Husband: But seriously, please dont have a panic attack, those suck. But do you wanna play more Among Us? It might cheer you up :D 

T/N: Yeah yeah yeah thanks. And sure, I’ll play more among us. Thanks Corpse, your the best best friend 🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🌹🌹🥀

Corpse_Husband: 🥺

~The End~ 

Oh my god this ones terrible. I might rewrite it in the future. 

[lovely-necromancy]

A Cure for Insomnia Ch 19

Your bags were jumping and sliding around in the back of Madeline's rusty pickup truck. She had been kind enough to offer you a ride up to the lodge when she stopped by the shop earlier.

Madeline had seen the sour look Nate kept sending you and how you were intentionally not looking over towards the soon to be graying young man. Not one to beat around the bush she asked what was up, mam bear mode peeking through.

Nate was just being a dick to you and saying you had to stay with the Cowells longer than what had originally been agreed to. Big Jo seemed fine about letting you go back home now, even with your resolve set to continue hanging out with Toby. But Nate was trying to put a tight leash on you since you “wouldn't listen to reason” - so he said.

Even with security at the cottage updated Nate still thought it best to keep you with them if you were planning to still interact with Toby. More than likely he was trying to make that harder for you to do since staying with them would definitely make it easier for him to keep track of you.

The thought alone set shivers down your spine. Like a constrictor slithering up your back to rest around your neck and do what it does best.

It had been really hard to breathe these last few days.

But all Madeline needed to hear was “Nate” and “being a dick” before she said she'd take you herself. Thereby ending the conversation and silent argument in the shop, as she spun on her heel stating when she'd pick you up later.

Nate hadn't been too happy about the exchange but he could suck your dick. He's been annoying you with all this Toby bullshit and doesn't get to tell you what he thinks right now.

The drive up is silent, but that comfortable kind of silence between two old friends who don't ever really have a need to talk to hang out. It's nice because it gives you tons of time to think about just what you're about to do.

Going over several scripts all at once in your head.

You want to talk to Toby. You still haven't read that file but it just doesn't sit right with you that it was ever even given to you in the first place. Toby being completely unaware of the total breech of privacy makes your stomach flip just like your bags in the back right now. It's not like you ever asked for the detailed life file but at the same time it feels wrong not to let Toby know tht something like that even exists for him. His past being dug back up all without his knowledge or consent. And now here you were about to lay it right down in front of him.

Was this the right move? You're the one bringing it to his attention, if it's something that will mess him up it'll be your fault that he's upset. Jo and Nate may have gotten the information but you still count yourself as being a complacent party to all of this.

Your stomach feels like it's on a drop tower as it sinks further into a pit of guilt.

You feel like the scum of the Earth right now. Hopefully he isn't too upset.

Seeing your downcast eyes, you were a lot more expressive than you ever really realized, Madeline pipes up, “You gon' be ok there sport?”

A small smile bit at your lips. There's a reason Madeline Cobb was known in Kepler as Mama. She took care of those she saw as her own and that was damn near half the town at this point. Hell you'd heard a rumor she raised most this town. The lodge had been her orphanage  before all the kids grew up and turned it into a resort once new arrivals stopped coming. That's probably the reason it's always been so warm and welcoming, it was a home first.

“Yea...just nervous.”

She lets out a small chuckle at you.

“Don' be, 'm sure that Toby boy will say 'yes'. And if he don' well you just come find me. I'll set him right.”

Ok now you were just confused.

“Huh?”

“Don' worry about it, he likes you jus' like you like 'im. It'll work out for you two.” she reaches over and ruffles your hair before jumping out of the pickup. You hadn't realized you were already at your destination.

And it was too late to correct Mama, she'd already made it inside the lodge, about why you were so nervous. The warmth in your face makes you even more grateful for your mask. Barclay was getting bit by the end of the night, the man really needed to get a boyfriend and stop trying to manifest one for you.

The door to the lodge opens again, you hardly paid it any mind. So lost in your own musing you didn't even notice the man walking towards you. Your goat plush had fallen beneath your seat and you were attempting to grab it but it was too far out of your reach.

“You good there?” Toby's amused voice calls, startling you.

Popping your head out of the opened car door. Heart racing faster at the sight of your friend standing there with a small smirk on his bandaged face. You weren't ready for this.

His eye looks better, well like a normal black eye and not a swollen lump that threatened to over take his socket. Now his eye looked like it could still function out of the slight opening. Fuck this was hard enough when you'd pictured only one eye looking at you but now you had to calculate for both!?

Is it weird that this is what worries you? Are you derailing from the actual situation? Distracting yourself so the conversation is easier on you. So you don't have to think about the possibility that Toby won't want to be friends after this. That he'll end up hating you for something you hadn't done.

God you really want to cry.

“Hey, space cadet.” Toby's made his way over to your side and puts a gentle hand on you knee, “You ok? Did something happen?”

He's really sweet, you're going to miss him.

No, stop. You need to get a grip and stop thinking like this. Toby will understand and you guys can continue being friends, a bit awkwardly but still friends. You'd get to hang out and maybe wander through the Monongahela together.

“I...I dropped my goat.”

He cocks his head to the side, brows slowly smoothing out and he gives a gentle squeeze to your legs as he reaches under you, hand searching for your lost plush.

The warmth that was once collecting in your cheeks shoots down past the void sitting in your stomach. Just another thing to add to your list you suppose. After a week of nearly no privacy or comfort you are thoroughly pent up. You don't necessarily want Toby, just need someone or something to help relieve the fire between your thighs. He just happens to be in proxcimity of that fire, poking the flame that hasn't been snuffed during your stay with the Cowells, making it dance and writhe reminding you of the need.

But you can't focus on that yet, you'd give yourself a hand when you finally got back home. Right now you needed to focus on Toby. And having that uncomfortable conversation.

“Here he is.” placing the goat in your lap he looks into your eyes, a slight glint in his.

He's in a really good mood tonight. You have to ignor the whispers in your head, telling you you're about to ruin this for him.

Luckily a tic to the right shoos those thoughts away for you.

“YN?” his hand is back on your knee, it's such a small gesture maybe even completely subconscious but it helps ground you.

You haven't read that file but you can't see Toby ever doing something awful enough to warrant Nate's barrage of paranoia and fear. Even if he did....he couldn't still be bad right? You're such a good judge of character and you called Brian on his masking there's no way you'd miss Toby lying to your face.

“I...” he's looking into your eyes searching as you take a steadying breath, “I just really need a slushie right now.” your eyes drop to the goat in your hands.

You fucking coward.

It's silent for a moment as you chastise yourself for not just coming out and telling Toby you wanted to talk. Toby's hand falls easily from your knee and to his side.

“A'right then, you good to drive?” you really missed your chance here, “'cuz Brian's got Connor tonight.”

Wait what?

You look at Toby who simply raises the right side of his mouth in a lopsided grin. A subtle raise of his right brow tells you he understood what you'd asked for. When was the last time anyone was ever able to read you so well?

“Yes!” you push the goat into Toby's chest and practically dive into the back seat for your bags. “I can drive. Franklin?”

“Don't work tomorrow, so sure.”

His good mood seems to pick back up a bit. He's chuckling as you rush to gather everything and head over to your car, barely shutting Mama's door as you do. Toby gives it a good bump with his hip to make sure it shut properly. He unlocks your car for you and slides into the passenger's seat while you arrange your shit in the trunk.

You catch sight of the skull still in your trunk and figure you'll just leave it as is for now. Since it seems that literally every time you close this trunk you forget it exists. Bye weirdly placed deer skull maybe one day you'll have a wall mount worthy of your beauty.

Before closing the trunk you do rab the file. Maybe having it up front with you will help you actually tell Toby about it.

When you open the driver's side Toby's hand is already outstretched and waiting for your phone, this isn't his first rodeo after all. You can't help but smile as you hand it right over to him. He notices, because of course he does, and beams back at you. Sending more warmth throughout your body. After collecting your emotions the guilt comes back around.

You need to stop being horny on main. And in front of Toby no less. It's weird, like you're riled up for him and not because you're attention starved and haven't known solitude for over a week.

By the time you're driving off the lot Toby had picked you 'Let's drive to nowhere' playlist. A perfect choice for tonight, seeing as these are all either songs to dissociate to or have mental break downs with. And with you obnoxious emotions either is up for grabs. Aside from the music the car was silent as you drove out of town.

You were so wrapped up in what to say to Toby, how to say it, when – that you ended up not saying anything at all. Toby on the other hand couldn't wait for you any longer and broke the silence himself.

A habit he seems to have, must not like silences.

“Normally you don't shut up,” the words were harsh but his tone wasn't for once.

He watches as the scenery changes from quaint country road to interstate. “Did something happen?”

An awkward anxious smile makes its way on to your face. You've never been good at schooling your features and smiling was unfortunately your default in the even of confrontation. It was probably just your brain's way of protecting you from emotional trauma.

“Sorta.”

To his credit Toby waits for three full songs before prying for more information.

“Another attack?” he's on edge.

To be fair you are too.

“No, like hell Jo and Nate wo-would let me leave if that were it.” your head jerks twice to the right. You miss Toby's wince.

Nate barely let you leave the shop today, you had to get outside assistance aka Mama.

“Ok, so what happened then?” as you bit your lip trying to find your words Toby is running through his own list of possibilities. “Dis Ma- Tim do something to you?”

Huh?

Why would Tim have anything to do with this? Are they still fighting? But Brian has Connor tonight...that doesn't seem likely but you've really only hung out with Toby thus far. You don't know enough about their group dynamic.

You also didn't miss the beginning syllable Toby said. Was he trying to say 'Matt', 'Mark', 'Manny'? There were so many names that Tim's alter could have but at the least you've more or less been told there is an alter to begin with.

But why would Toby be concerned about Tim's alter? Was he the one that punched Toby? Were they actually the two fighting and not Tim and Toby? This is confusing just being on the outside, you have no idea how the trio copes with this situation.

“Oh no, Tim and Not Tim have been nice to me.” if you're coming clean about the file might as well come clean about knowing Tim has an alter. This way Toby could pass along the message to Tim and Not Tim.

“Back up, not liter-mrrow – literally. 'Not Tim'? You've met Mas-Ma-Masky?!”

Masky? That's a strange name, but who were you to judge the name someone gave themself. Maybe he's a He/Him enby.

“Not like formally or anything, but I'm pretty sure he was the one that helped me and Ronnie out the other week.” you switch lanes to drive off of the interstate, hoping to find a secluded road to have this conversation on.

God knows it's going to take all of your concentration.

Toby was seething in his seat and you know the tension is only going to get worse going forward.

You can hear him muttering to himself, 'of course' or 'he didn't remember', over and over. Finding a good place to park the car you take it and turn to Toby, who's still lost in his own head.

“Tobias.” you call trying to jostle him and it works a little too well in a sense. As he blurts out, “Don't! Masky's dangerous stay away from him!”

He immediately freeze like he hadn't meant to say that. And while it wasn't a tic it was probably an impulse brought on by his anxious frame of mind. He's popping his knuckles again too.

You don't know why you said it, looking at Toby's wide blown pupils – riddled with fear and nerves, you should've kept you mouth shut.

“Dangerous like you?”

Or at least phrased that a bit more eloquently.

Toby's eyes grow dark and his good eye cuts low nearly matching it's swollen twin. A shiver runs down your spine even though you know the malice is not for you.

“What.” he hisses out.

It's not a question, it's an order. He wants to know what you know and maybe even who told you. Maybe he thinks Masky told you something, since that was the topic of the previous conversation.

Dark eyes watch you like a hawk as you pull the file from the map holder in your door. His chest is nearly heaving with every breath at this point, can he hyperventilate? That's a dumb question he most certainly can. And he's either on his way to that or a panic attack. You hope you don't send him into a panic attack, Connor's not here to help. Connor know pressure though, Toby's had him preform it on you during your spells. Would it work the same if you laid on top of Toby? You're getting too distracted right now.

Not trusting yourself to not just back down now, you hold the folder out to Toby to take.

He's just staring at it like it'll attack him at any moment, and honestly it might...just not physically. He glances up at you. There's a funny flash of deja vu likening back to the first time you met. Cold indifferent and confused eyes looking at you as though you were some strange alien they'd never seen before. This time however there's a spark of something else in them. Something dark that festers beneath the surface. Was that hatred, betrayal, or was that the wall he was building back up. The wall that would sever this friendship.

Stop projecting. He hasn't even taken the file, he can't possibly know what's going on right now.

“What's that?” see.

“Nate got super protective after the attack, I guess the other day you just like rubbed him the wrong way. So, he had someone look into you. That file is everything they found...pretty sure it's your whole life, I swear I haven't read anything. Not even a peek. But Jo and Nate tried to tell me the-”

He snatched the file from you before you'd even said you hadn't looked. He opened it and a second later it was closed and he took a shaky breath before looking at you.

It was your turn to look like a deer in headlights tonight, you knew that breath was one of barely concealed rage. This was it, this was where everything ended, all because Nate had “a bad feeling” about Toby.

But you trusted Toby, he wouldn't hurt you. He was your friend.

“So” he lets out a harsh sigh, “you didn't...you haven't read anything?”

You hastily shake your head, “What did they tell you.” he looks off to the side and his mouth is all screwed up, and not in it's normal mangled sense.

“That I shouldn't see you anymore, you did something bad, awful, terrifying; Nate's list goes on but I sort of...fo the fingers in the ear 'lalala' thing” you say sheepishly, “anytime he tries to tell me something. Jo stops when I ask him to. He's not too worried about you...I think.”

Or he's working behind the scene to keep you and Toby separated for the long run but that's speculation and not the point of this conversation so you don't mention it.

Toby's flipping through the file skimming it, no doubt looking for his checkered past, he finds what he's looking for and nods once continuing on like he was reading a grocery list. Which he may as well have been, a grocery list of all his transgressions. With the way his fingers gripped the edges of the folder you could tell he was putting on a front about the contents.

They did bother him.

“Why didn't you look, why didn't you listen YN?” was he seriously angry at you for that?

“It was an invasion of your privacy. Whatever's in there I wanted you to have the ability to tell me on your own terms – if you ever even wanted to. Not because you were forced into it because I found out from some third party that doesn't even know you.”

“Then why the fuck did you -wrong- practically jump into a car with me and then hand me a file on my shitty life!?!” He slammed the file down into his lap with a lot of force, more than he should have used for sure. “They think I'm a menace and they're right you shouldn't have...you need to...” he trails off looking like he's trying to disintegrate the file in front of him with latent laser eye abilities.

His arms are shaking.

No – he's trembling. The way he's biting his lip tips you off. He's trying to hold himself together, trying to stop himself from breaking. This can't be the same person Nate's so worried about.

“You're biting your lip, that's not good for you.”

“Fuck off.” it's half hearted at best, no real weight behind the words. And he does let his abused lip go.

“It's a breech of trust if I didn't tell you this...I wanted to give you the file because you should know it's been read by two people, to my knowledge.” you place a hand on his forearm, “Toby, I don't know what you've done in the past but...you know you aren't that person now, right?”

He's out of the car in an instant, slamming the door behind him. You follow, as dumb as you understand it is, getting out of your car in the middle of no where with a very unstable person.

“Get back in the car. I mrrow I can't...I need a minute.” his shaking is so much worse now that he's standing, It's even put a tremble in his voice.

“You're stupid if you think I'm leaving you alone in the middle of no where.” you stand your ground, he may need space but this is not the place to have it. You're only a few miles from town, you can get him back to the lodge where he doesn't have to see or be near you.

Hell you won't say a word on the way back.

“Like you're not stupid for ignoring the warnings that I'm dangerous! I've killed people! Did you know that?! Did you even think that's what was so bad!?” he's giving you the same glare he had on when he talked about the fight with Tim.

“I could literally kill you right now, you've driven us out to who knows where but still remained in walking distance back to town. You live on the outskirts of it and it'd be so easy for me to make you disappear and everyone would believe your stalkers got to you.” his chest heaves at a vicious rate.

Despite the venom and truth of his words, you can't find it in you to be scared of him. If anything his rant proves Toby must not have been mentally well during his crimes, he's acting like a cornered alley cat not a serial killer. There's a vice grip on you heart at the thought.

“Ok...are you?”

It's like a switch has been flipped in him and he calms instantly.

“What?” he knows what you're asking.

“Are you going to kill me?” you asked like you'd been asking what time it was.

He stares at you looking you up and down, “No...I wouldn't.” his neck jerks triggering your own tic.

“Then I'm safe.” you slowly approach him, much like you would a feral alley cat. “I trust you Tobias.” you reach out to tough his arm again.

It hadn't worked in the car but Toby does seem to calm down faster when he's being touched. Like the sensation brings him back to reality and locks him there.

“Y-you shouldn'n'n't.”

He doesn't pull away this time as you place your hands gently on his forearms. His eyes raise to meet yours.

“...I've killed.”

He sounds so helpless.

The only thing you find shocking about this is that he actually did it. You know people are capable of all sorts of vile things. But the way Toby's voice breaks, the tremors that run through his body. You can't see any similarity with the horror show you once imagined, a Toby covered head to toe in blood and a vicious grin.

The fact that Toby killed doesn't really phase you much more than the ever present 'how' that rings out. He must have had a reason. Jo wasn't too worried so maybe it was circumstantial. Not to mention Toby's among the general public. Could it have just been an accident? A misunderstanding?

“I don't – no I'm not going to say 'I don't care', because this is something that really effects you but I...I guess what I'm trying to get at is..it doesn't bother me. I know it should but, Tobias I just can't picture you as a murderer.” that blood stained Toby flashes before you singing 'liar', “I got to know you before finding out any of this. So, I know there must've been a reason behind it. And that's...and you don't have to tell me anything.”

Nothing more is said, after all you've said everything you could think of to deescalate the situation. And Toby is frozen as he stares at you. You'd have thought he was dissociating had it not been for the way his eyes still held that tiny reflection of light. He was still present, just unsure how to proceed.

Honestly you were stumped too, you had no idea how to begin this conversation let alone end it.

“My – there was...” you rub his arm in a small circular motion. You don't need to hear anything more, it already feels like too much information that he'd lost the agency for.

But your gentle shushing did nothing because he continued, “Clairse says I had a psychotic break and...just went after the biggest stressor at the time.” he pauses with a deep breath and closes his eyes in the process. “She says it wasn't really my fault, I was under...a lot of – I wasn't there, where I should've been mentally. My dad was abusive...anyone in my situation would've broken at some point.”

His words are hollow and robotic. A mantra he's learned to say although he doesn't believe it.

You'd normally give someone the choice but this time you just slip you arms over his shoulders and pull him into a hug. There's no resistance from him either, if anything he leans into the embrace and grips onto your back. His trembling doesn't stop but it's softened by the pressure.

“You don't have to tell me anything Tobes. I don't want you to...not if it's this painful.”

“I want – want to tell you about Lyra.” his voice cracks in tandem with his neck as he says her name.

And he does tell you, against all your protests to take his time. He tells you everything laid out his whole life right in front of you. From being home schooled early on – isolated within his own home for years, to his older sister and her untimely accident that he's still clearly wracked with guilt about, and then the spiral that ended in patricide and a fire that ate his entire neighborhood.

By the end of his recounting he'd stopped trembling and letting out the occasional sniffle – and now the two of you were leaning on the hood of your car. Looking at the stars that just started coming out for the night, you occasionally whispered affirmations to Toby as he tells more stories from his childhood. The good ones this time.

His spirits aren't as high as they were when you'd started your evening but they're much better than they were two hours ago.

You chuckle as he finishes telling you about the time he and Lyra managed to sneak out of the house for a concert only to realize they had no way of getting back into the house when they returned. Their mom just opened the door letting them inside with a small crease in her brow but the smile that played at her lips told them everything they'd needed to know. They weren't in trouble, she'd sent them off to bed and in the morning asked how the show was. From the way Toby talked about his mom you can tell he really loves her. The feeling must've been mutual, if she sent them off to bed instead of dishing out a punishment all because Toby had smiled for the first time in weeks that night.

“Ah, favorite child Toby strikes again.” you joke.

This time Toby didn't say anything, you had been throwing small jokes in to help keep the mood light, but he just looked at you with his head tilted. A grim expression barely crossed his features before being replaced with a lopsided smile and warm but sad eyes.

“Y'kn – Kyra used to say that all the time.”

“Must be true then.”

He looks at his hands with the softest expression you've ever seen. It's an expression normally given to Connor, just sadder this time.

You nudge him getting his attention back to the present.

“You still want that slushie?”

He takes a moment to look around you and finally rests his gaze on the stars. “Not Franlin, not tonight.” he says focusing back on to you.

“Think we're two exits from Riverton if that helps. They have Wawas.”

“Wawas?” he chuckles.

You nod, “Yea they have smoothies and milkshakes.”

“Ooh la la.”

You both snort and head back into the car. It's surreal to be buckling back in, joking around with Toby when just hours prior you thought you'd be ending your friendship the moment you opened your mouth.

You can't help but ask, “Are we cool?”

“Yea...we're good. 's not like you fucking asked for the information.” he leans his head against the window and crosses his arms into himself.

“I'm still sorry about it though.”

“Know you are. But it's over now.” the finality of that statement takes the weight off of your shoulders. For the first time in days you can breathe again.

“Thanks for telling me everything...you didn't have to. But I appreciate you sharing it with me.”

His nails dig into his arms, or they would have if they weren't chopped down to the bit.

“I mrrow I-I didn't tell you everything...”

Nope this was over and done with, no more sad and scared Toby. You couldn't handle anymore, guilt had found a friend in discomfrot and the two had set out to eat you alive with every tremor that tore through Toby's body.

“What are you like a child murderer or something?” Giving a laugh to soften the joke.

….

You missed the way Toby tenses and sucks in a breath. His heart is beating wildly in his chest, so hard he's certain you hear it. Is that where you draw the line? Child murder. Of course you had to have some boundaries he couldn't just expect you to be cool with everything he's done. You were sure to figure it out sooner or later no thanks to your boss. But Toby couldn't loose you now. Not when you've been an anchor he hasn't had in such a long time. He feels almost human again when he's with you.

He's been quiet too long, at least he thinks he has. He needs to say something, joke around back and dismiss the notion. You can't know not now – maybe not ever.

“I'm trans!” he hadn't meant to blurt that out.

He stared at you with wide eyes. Why had he said that, that hadn't even crossed his mind. Just as he was about to laugh it off you reached over and lightly punched him in the arm. That small gesture sent a tickle down Toby's spine. It was such an innocent touch, but he was touched starved and knew it.

“I am too goof. Thanks for telling me but why the wait?”

Fuck now he had to think of something. Talking to you always made him so brain dead.

“Mrrow...mrr-you saw me as a man first...I wanted to keep it that way.” maybe he didn't have to make something up, just tell you the half truth.

Brian had questioned him when they got ready for the picnic why he hadn't worn his trans tie dye shirt and he's said he misplaced it. A bold lie to tell someone like Brian, especially since it'd been a gift from his mom. She had sent it in a care package last June. He'd never loose something his mom gave him, at least not so quickly. If he'd been being honest with himself at the time, he was worried about your reaction. Of course he knew you were trans too so not like you'd be one to be a transphobe, but he didn't want you to stop seeing him as a man and only see him as trans.

“Toby, you are a man. Nothing short of you telling me otherwise will change that for me.”

Toby isn't sure when you grabbed his hand but he's aware of your hold when you start to rub along his knuckles. He watches your thumb circle jis joints and pressing a bit into the divots as he takes another deep breath.

He gives his best smile, a lopsided uncomfortable looking thing, “I don't think I like when you call me Toby.”

[cotncandyboifics]

Why'd You Only Call Me When You're High?

AO3 Link

My Main Masterpost

Pairing(s): Romantic Dukexiety

Word count: 6.9k (Remus would be proud)

Story summary: A pseudo-songfic; 5 times Remus called Virgil high, and one time Virgil called Remus high.

Content Warning: Marijuana, Characters high on Marijuana, Description of the experience of being high on marijuana, Food, descriptions of eating, descriptions of preparing food, vague anxiety descriptions, insomnia, cursing, Remus Being Remus,(let me know if i missed anything please!)

Author notes: this is just. dorky fluff stuff. Idek lol. Enjoy

...

Virgil grimaced vaguely at his phone, which had begun to buzz periodically. More specifically; Virgil was glaring at the displayed name at the top of the screen, communicating who was currently calling him.

TrashMan 42069 is calling...

Remus never called Virgil. As in... never never. And even if he did, it was 7 am; Virgil sincerely doubted that Remus I-wake-up-at-2-pm-every-day Prince had ever been awake at this time of morning in his life.

The call didn't stop after 5 buzzes, and so Virgil picked his phone up, hurriedly accepting the call and pressing the phone to his face.

"uuum, hiiii...." Remus drawled from the other end of the line. Virgil scoffed under his breath. "I'll have a.... extra large cheese pizza, and another extra large with... extra anchovies...." Remus continued. Virgil genuinely couldn't tell whether Remus thought he was actually talking to a Pizza parlor employee or not, but more pertinently, he was very much disconcerted by the way Remus was acting. He had half a mind to ask if he'd hit his head on something, but... Virgil was gradually growing used to Remus' antics, and every time he'd asked out of his own anxieties in the past, Remus had been More Than Fine. He pushed his nerviness aside with a heavy sigh.

"Re, what are you doing?" his voice came out a bit husky, and Virgil realized this was the first time he'd spoken that day.

Remus didn't reply for a few long moments. Of course, this had exactly nothing to do with the fact that he was having a gay panic over the sound of Virgil's morning voice, which - again - was decidedly not happening.

"Haay Virge," Remus scarcely strung his words together, and they fell on top of each other as they rolled off his tongue in a quite klutzy fashion. It was almost soothing, in its way. "I thought if I pretended that you... that I was... that I thought you were a pizza man, then I'd forget to do... why I called you." Remus scrunched his nose to himself, taking his time to find his words, but eventually he got there. Virgil had been struck with realization part way through Remus' rambling, and was now scowling as if Remus could hear his facial expression through the phone.

"Remus, are you seriously high right now?" Virgil hissed.

"I mean... I think so... I definitely remember..." he pointedly enunciated each syllable of 'definitely remember,' before seemingly getting distracted by his thoughts. Virgil cleared his throat to prompt him. "...uhhhh... I don't wanna call you. Why did I... think that was...good." Virgil couldn't tell if Remus was talking to himself or not.

"Dude, go take a shower and... like, drink some water or something. I'll see you at work later. Please come in a better mental state than you're in now." Virgil hung up, setting his phone back down on his desk face-down, resuming his script read-through of the next production being put on at the theater he worked for.

Several hours later, Virgil was adjusting a few bolts on a light fixture, one of many all lined up on the long bar that he'd lowered from the fly deck earlier. He and Remus were stage technicians, and had both worked at this theater together for nearly two years now.

Remus burst through the set of doors off stage left, arms wide and his custom green tool belt slung over one shoulder like a sash. He bowed a bit dramatically to the stage and everyone on it (which, at the moment, was only Virgil; they were the only two in the theater, since Virgil regularly showed up early and Remus was here early too for once for... some reason) before stepping in long strides toward a burnt out light fixture, a few feet away from Virgil.

"You good?" Virgil murmured, feigning intense focus on a particular few wires. Remus had learned by now that Virgil was a man of few words and many thoughts; there was always a lot more to what he was saying than the small string of words he poured out.

"Heh. Sorry about that. I woke up in a funk, and though a wake and bake might... help. Didn't anticipate calling... you, though." he rubbed the back of his neck a bit sheepishly, focusing his line of sight on the company logo branded into the lighting fixture. "Can't say it won't happen again though! If I call you when I'm that stoned it means I really, really like you," Remus waggled his eyebrows, winking (specifically to highlight his sarcasm - a wink was a telltale sign that Remus' words were entirely a joke) at an utterly deadpan Virgil.

"Sure." Virgil paused for a moment. "Why're you here so early though?"

"Huh?" Remus replied, finishing twisting the bulb out of the fixture before looking up at Virgil, who was now presenting his phone screen to Remus, showing him the time. "Damn! High me can get punctuality! I thought it was three, not  two... I was wondering why you were the only one here!" Remus had resumed his adjusting of the light fixture, hunkered over and partially upside down in a way that made Virgil's stomach churn. He only grunted in reply.

...

A recent sound design project had Virgil and Remus talking a lot more than usual - nearly every day. Virgil thought Remus would be a massive pain in the ass to work with, but he was a surprisingly diligent project partner. His ideas were often... eccentric, and at times too far-fetched, but they served as an excellent foundation. They clashed well with Virgil's taste and general groundedness (by extension, a minuscule helping of insecurity) that he brought to the table. They'd worked together over discord for the last few days, voice chatting and messaging through brainstorming sessions and developing their project.

It was 5pm, and Virgil was just beginning chopping some potatoes for a mash dinner when a message notification popped up on his phone.

TrashMan 42069 im tiiiired. gotta get up early to head into the theater, can we work tmrw mornin instead of tn ? wanna have an early night

Virgil smirked to himself, typing out a response.

since when do you sleep before 1am

but like, go off ig

see ya in the ams

Remus never responded, and Virgil resumed his chopping, and soon was plopping the potato portions into a pre-simmering pot.

Night arrived and fell entirely, leaving Virgil alone with his thoughts in bed, staring at the ceiling desperately as if it would put him to sleep. His bouts of insomnia made for horrible company, and yet another reminder of just how awfully lonely he truly was. He rolled onto his side, facing his bedside table just as his phone lit up and started buzzing.

Remus. Again. Odd. And it was... 11pm, according to the bleary text in the top corner of Virgil's phone screen. Not too bad, I might get to sleep by 2, Virgil noted to himself. He accepted the call before his drowsy brain could think through the decision.

"Shit, hi," Remus breathed. The usual sharp edge of his brash voice was gone, leaving soft, rolling words in its wake. Virgil sighed to himself.

"Hi."

"Did I awaken you from the sleep? I didn't think you'd answer..." Virgil recognized the drawl in Remus' voice then, but he didn't mind it so much. He was too tired to be grumpy about this.

"No, I couldn't sleep. I thought you were having an early night?" Virgil ran his fingers through his hair, rolling back onto his back.

"Ah... right... I told you that..." Remus spoke slowly, as if carrying each word, each syllable the way a mother carries her child. Virgil smiled softly into the darkness. "I was feeling like shit, so... I was just gonna, toke up. Knew I... wouldn't be able to... do any of the project... like this."

"Gotcha," Virgil mumbled. He had closed his eyes, letting himself ease into the sound of Remus' uncharacteristically gentle voice.

Remus started humming on the other end of the line, and that only proved to relax Virgil more. He felt himself grow heavy in the bed, limbs going slack and muscles and tendons untensing.

"Are you still alive?" Remus spoke suddenly. Virgil hummed.

"Yeah, I think so," Virgil said. "Your humming is putting me to sleep," he laughed lightly. Remus grew silent. "Uh, that's not a bad thing," Virgil resolved, "I have a hard time... sleeping, sometimes. Nothing usually helps. That's... uh, helping. If you wanna keep... humming, or talking..." As he spoke, Virgil realized just how weird what he was saying - what he was asking for - truly was. He cleared his throat. "Nevermind."

"I have nothing better to do right now, I can hum you to sleep, Virge," Remus' careful voice replied, ever so slowly. "If that's... what... you meant."

"Um," Virgil chewed on his hoodie sleeve absent-mindedly. "Yeah," he finally huffed, "I'd... like that."

Virgil anticipated a lot more awkwardness at this entire situation from Remus. But Remus was a generally oblivious person to awkwardness, seemingly especially so when he was stoned. He almost immediately resumed his humming, and Virgil was out like a light less than ten minutes later.

"Virgie? Did you go... fall into the sleep?" Remus asked after a while. When he was met with silence other than subtle, even breaths, he smiled to himself. He'd helped someone, even while he was like this. He truly didn't want to be doing anything else right now, so he just kept humming into the phone for a while. Maybe it'll help Virgil sleep even better.

The thoughts that an intoxicated mind produces truly are an enigma.

...

Remus and Virgil's sound design project was one of three being proposed to the directors and head technicians for the next production. The three were created as presentations, just the general idea of the design put together so that the one chosen of the three could be put into proper production by the entire sound team.

Virgil's and Remus' won.

They celebrated by indulging in a pizza lunch together before they were to head into work. A large, half pepperoni and half anchovies.

"Are those things actually good, or do you just eat them because everyone else thinks they're gross?" Virgil asked, chasing the floppy end of his next slice with his mouth. Remus grinned with a glint in his eye that Virgil knew all too well; it meant one thing, and one thing only. Mischief.

"Whah if ih's bof?" Remus spoke through his mouthful of anchovy pizza. Virgil scrunched his nose, punching Remus in the shoulder.

"Chew your food and don't talk with your mouth full, that's hecka nasty dude," Virgil laughed. Remus rolled his eyes in a very unconvincing manner, considering he was still smiling.

"Yef, mom," Remus spoke again through his unfinished mouthful. Virgil shoulder bumped him, and finally took the first bite of his next slice.

Not a week later, Virgil woke up rather late. Well, late for him; around 7am. He slapped a hand to his forehead, sitting up a little too fast. He set his hands on the bed beside himself to try and fight the onset of dizziness. After a few deep breaths and shaking his head and hair out, he reached for his phone.

No notifications, other than 2 missed calls from Remus, at 3:12am. Virgil sighed, laughing to himself slightly. He opened his messaging app.

why do u only call me when ur high lmao

...

Virgil was at the grocery store, milling through the dairy aisle, when his phone started buzzing in his pocket. He was surprised to see Remus' contact as the displayed caller ID, although not that surprised. Remus had called Virgil a few times while he wasn't high since Virgil had sent that message, usually to discuss theater-related things. Though, it wasn't like him to call at 8 in the morning. Virgil pressed the answer button, bringing the phone to his ear.

"Hey Re, what's up?" Virgil said as he started checking the expiration dates on a few cartons of heavy whipping cream.

"Virgieee... Are you walking around with no shoes on?" Remus' voice was calm and subdued.

"Uh-" Virgil was so caught off guard by the question -and the petname- that he literally looked down at his feet to check. Nope, he'd definitely put on his black high tops that morning. "No? I'm at the grocery store. Wh... what?"

"I saw someone," Remus blurted, speaking slowly. Oh, right. Virgil's lips tightened into a annoyed-and-disappointed expression. Of course he's just baked again. "They looked like you, kinda... no purple hair... but jacket- or, i mean, sweater... uhhhm, no... what's it called?"

"My hoodie?" Virgil offered, glancing down at his purple patchwork hoodie.

"Yeah, yeah, that," Remus drew in a long heavy breath. "they had a hoodie." Remus stopped then, as if awaiting Virgil's explanation expectantly. Virgil scoffed.

"So. You saw someone walking around with no shoes on, who looked kind of like me only based on the fact that they were wearing a hoodie?" Virgil recited.

"Well, yeah!" Remus said as if offended that Virgil needed to ask. "They were black shoes, and... and the hoodie was... just like your black plaid one."

"The one that I like... never wear? How do you even... have you even seen me wear that?" Virgil didn't know why he was asking; he must have if he knew of it.

"You did," Remus started slowly, "one time. The pizza time. Said your other one was dirty." Remus spoke like a small child who was being scolded and felt really bad for what they'd done. "And I thought... maybe you'd... dyed your hair back. I don't know why." Virgil sighed.

"Okay? Well, I promise I have my shoes on, and my hair is still purple, and I'm not wearing that hoodie today. I'm at the grocery store right now." Virgil's voice was harsh and quick, and he immediately felt guilt drop into his stomach like a brick. He had no real reason to be this cross with Remus... he was just a bit cranky that morning. "Can I... pick you up anything while I'm here?" Virgil immediately cringed at his attempt at amendment. What a weird thing to say-

"Ooh! Are you at Trader Joe's?" Remus' voice had a newfound excitement. Virgil smiled to himself, glad that his fumbled recovery wasn't really very fumbled, thanks to Remus'... Remus-y-ness. "They have these chocolate truffles that are soooo good..."

Remus gave moderately incoherent directions to where the truffles were shelved, though Virgil knew his way around the store enough that it didn't matter. After a few minutes, he came upon a small red carboard box with cursive gold lettering and a picture of a chocolate truffle on the front.

"Found them. I... text me your address? I can be over in... well, soon. I guess I don't know where you live." Virgil invited himself over extremely awkwardly.

"You got it, sunshine! See you soon," Remus' tone was a lot lighter and he spoke more quickly and sharply, as he did when he wasn't stoned out of his mind. Perhaps the prospect of having his favorite chocolate truffles had granted him some mental clarity.

The call ended, and moments later, two texts came through from Remus. The first was an address, as promised. The second left Virgil with a familiar sense of blind confusion.

ill start heating the milk

Virgil slid his phone back into his pocket, humming to himself. He'd gotten all the items on his grocery list already, so he headed to checkout. Soon after, he was loading a couple bags into the back seat of his car, setting the two boxes of truffles for Remus on the passenger seat as he strapped in.

The drive was surprisingly short to Remus'; less than ten minutes. He triple checked the address when he pulled up to a three story Victorian house, three doors lined up at the top of a set of marble steps.

He took a breath or two, staring down at the boxes of truffles in his hands and reassessing his situation. You're standing in front of Remus' house like a massive dork because you felt bad for getting annoyed at him on the phone. You decided completely on a whim to bring him some chocolate - of all things, but at least he's the one who specifically asked for it - and show up to his house???? his house. Yeah, this totally isn't weird at all.

Virgil took the steps two at a time, ringing the doorbell at the door farthest to the right. He heard the chime from inside, followed shortly by a shrill screech. A few moments later, there was stomping sounds, and Remus came into view through the window on the door, trampling down the stairs like an eight year old rushing to an ice cream truck. He made it to the door, unlocking it and flinging it open.

"VIRGIE!" Remus yelped, looking ready to bear hug Virgil, but was quickly distracted into marveling over the boxes of truffles Virgil was clinging to his chest. "You bought two!? Gods, this is better than Christmas! Get in here," Remus stepped behind the door, allowing Virgil to step inside.

"Did you... screech, a minute ago?" Virgil asked, looking around. He and Remus were standing in what served as a tiny, tiny foyer, a small rectangle of flooring that gave direct way to a rather large flight of wooden stairs. Virgil could see a shoe cubby and coat rack at the top of the steps, and started stepping up them cautiously as Remus closed the door behind him.

"Yeah. People usually can't hear if I say words, like 'COMING!', so I just kinda... scream. It works!" Remus was tromping up the steps a few stairs below him, and Virgil quickened his pace.

"Got it..."

Virgil slipped his shoes off at the top, stuffing them in the cubby. "See? Shoes," he gestured to the shoes now fit snug in one of the cubbies. Remus smiled a bit too wide, nodding his head harshly. "I also don't have that hoodie on today," Virgil spread his arms, displaying his usual patchwork hoodie.

"I'm mainly glad your hair is still purple. It looks h- I mean, I like it." Remus coughed slightly to himself before stepping around Virgil, starting to sock-slide down the hardwood floor hall. "Kitchen's through here! The milk should be ready!"

Virgil laughed to himself, stepping into the hall to follow Remus' trail. He came upon a slightly ajar door, and seeing a glimpse of a stovetop, he slid into the room.

"I also made some whipped cream!" Remus gestured behind himself at a bowl of whipped cream on the counter as he stirred at a simmering pot of milk.

"What's... what's it for?" Virgil asked slowly, feeling like he missed something entirely.

"Oh! Right," Remus seemed to realize he hadn't filled Virgil in. "The truffles are so frickin good by themselves, but I discovered - sort of by accident, don't worry about it - that they make the best hot chocolate. And I... well, I figured we could have some!" Remus spun around at the last part, saucer of milk in hand and smiling a bit maniacally at Virgil. He stepped over to the counter where there were two mugs beside the bowl of whipped cream. "Bring them things on over here. This show can't go on without the starring role."

Virgil shuffled over to Remus, setting the truffles down beside the whipped cream bowls. He felt the need to speak, but couldn't think of any suitable words.

"one or two? I usually do two, I like mine real rich," Remus said, tearing open one of the boxes of truffles.

"Two," Virgil coughed. Remus smiled brightly at him again.

Virgil observed Remus' process. He plopped two truffles into the bottom of each mug - in the process, popping one into his mouth and offering another to Virgil, who accepted - before pouring the steaming milk over them, nearly to the brim of both mugs. Virgil hadn't expected the truffles to float, but there were two bobbing brown balls rolling around on the surface of the steaming milk in each mug. Remus retrieved a small spoon, stirring gingerly as the truffles rapidly shrunk and dissipated into the darkening milk.

"Will you grab the chocolate syrup? It's in the door of the fridge," Remus commented, beginning to spoon whipped cream onto the surface of the hot chocolate. "Oh, and- nevermind, I got it." Remus reached into a drawer beside him, pulling out a small cheese grater.

Virgil returned with the chocolate syrup, setting it beside Remus' arm.

"Check this out," Remus said, pulling another truffle from the box. He started grating it over the whipped cream dollops, and it gently snowed chocolate shavings. "Isn't it pretty?" Remus glanced at Virgil as he switched mugs.

"Yeah," Virgil breathed, watching the little flakes fall and settle on the surface of the whipped cream.

Virgil felt himself becoming infinitely more relaxed and less anxious the longer he basked in Remus' presence. It had always been this way with him, although maybe it was slightly amplified now that they were alone. He leaned himself on Remus, chin on his shoulder. Remus didn't react, other than softening his movements significantly, as though he were afraid he'd scare Virgil away.

"Yes, yes, yes! Man, this is the good stuff!" Remus exclaimed as he squirted a trail of chocolate syrup over the flakey rain on the whipped cream mountains. Virgil chuckled, reaching for the mug nearest him. "Hey! Not yet!" Remus batted his hand away lightly.

"What else could you possibly want on hot chocolate? Come on, it's getting cold," Virgil whined. Remus only smirked.

"Pantry, top shelf, you'll know it when you see it," He spoke, glancing at the cupboard door a few paces away. Virgil stepped toward the pantry cautiously, opening the door slowly. There, presented proudly on the top shelf, was a bag of mini marshmallows.

"Oh fuck yeah," Virgil reached up, realizing he was far too short to reach the bag. "Uh, one sec," he said, stepping entirely into the pantry, reaching up with all his might. Even stretching as far as he could, he barely reached the base of the top shelf.  Remus chuckled from over by the mugs.

"Here, let me help." Remus came up behind him, making to reach over Virgil's head just as Virgil tried to step out of the pantry and out of Remus' way. Virgil essentially walked right into Remus' chest, face to face with his stubbled Adam's apple as he reached for the mallows easily.

Virgil was frozen in place, feeling his face grow hot. Remus looked down at him, suddenly realizing their physical predicament.

"Shit! Sorry!" Remus stepped back, mallows in hand, giving Virgil more than enough room to step out.

"s'fine, don't worry," Virgil mumbled, cheeks red and staring wide-eyed at the floor. Remus laughed a bit nervously, stepping back over to the mugs and beckoning for Virgil to follow.

Once their mugs were properly marshmallow'd (although not s'more'd; neither wanted to go full Ned Flanders on this rainy Saturday afternoon) Remus led Virgil out of the kitchen and further down the hall, to the door at the end which opened up into Remus' bedroom.

Virgil didn't know what he was expecting Remus' personal living space to look like, but whatever it was it wasn't this. There was a very cozy-looking bed that took up most of the floorspace, and a very soft patterned rug at the foot. Against the far wall, beside a wide windowsill, sat an equally cozy-looking loveseat. There were blankets and pillows absolutely everywhere, crowding the loveseat, covering the bed and turning the windowsill into a cozy sitting nook. There was no other furniture, aside from a rustic-looking wooden bedside table that matched a small, overstuffed bookshelf. The walls were entirely covered from floor to  ceiling with posters, art pieces, the like; but more than anything, sketches. Scores upon scores of sketches covered every wall, pinned up with colorful tacks and a certain few of them connected to others with  small segments of colored string. As well, strung up on some of the hardier tacks were a few strings of fairy lights. Those, plus the salt lamp set on the bedside table made for some extremely lovely mood lighting.

"Woah," was all Virgil could say as he looked around in wonder.

"This is where the magic happens," Remus shoulder shimmied, sidling around Virgil to sit cross-legged on his bed, beginning to nurse his cocoa as he set down the boxes of truffles. Apparently they were far too precious to keep in the kitchen, where Remus' brother could very well steal them.

"Yeah..." Virgil stepped up to a particularly large sketch, one whose tack was connected with string to several others. Something occurred to him. "Are these..." He gestured vaguely at the walls, "are these all yours?"

"All the sketches, yeah," Remus breathed, hiding behind his mug as he took a large sip. He watched Virgil over the brim as the man stared in complete awe.

"That's..." Virgil couldn't think of the right words, and so drew a large sip of his own cocoa. Remus was right, the truffles made for an incredible hot chocolate. He sighed slightly, smiling to himself.

Remus finished his cocoa, tilting his head back to slurp at the residue and remaining whipped cream as he leaned back on his bed slightly. Virgil smirked behind his own mug, licking at his whipped cream.

Remus set his mug beside the salt lamp on his bedside table, beckoning for Virgil to sit with him on the bed. Virgil did, cross-legged an leaning against a pillow that was propped against the wall. He glanced to the windowsill nook.

"You got something of a view," He murmured, craning his neck slightly to see out the window. Remus giggled.

"Yeah! That's where I saw mx. no-shoes earlier." He smiled at Virgil giddily.

"Oh, I see." Virgil smiled back. "Well, I'm here now, purple hair and truffles in the complete package," he spread his arms slightly, and Remus' smile turned into a full grin. He retrieved a truffle from the open box and popped it into his mouth, then throwing a second one at Virgil. It hit him in the chest, and he picked it up, starting to gnaw at it. "You were right, these are super fricking good," Virgil mentioned, taking another large gulp of his cocoa.

"I know right!? Where have you been all my life, beloved truffles," he picked up the unopened box and held it high in one hand, beginning to serenade it. Virgil laughed at him, slapping him on the arm.

"You're a massive dork."

Remus' eyes glinted. "Well I-" He stopped short, the glint disappearing as soon as it returned. Virgil watched his face. No, no dick jokes right now. He gulped and cleared his throat, retracting his arm and pulling out another two truffles from the other box. He held one of them out to Virgil on the palm of his hand. Virgil took it carefully, holding it between his fingers as he took the final sip of his own cocoa.

"Here," Remus reached his empty hand out to take Virgil's mug, setting it beside his own behind them on the bedside table. Remus resumed chewing his truffle, watching the comforter shift with his weight as he leaned back and forth slightly.

"Can I?" Virgil pointed to a few more sketches over the head of the bed. Remus nodded. Virgil got up onto his knees, nearly pressing his chest into the wall as he looked at the many sketches.

Remus got up onto his knees too, sort of knee-waddling over to Virgil's side. Virgil's eyes continued scanning the sketches before they fell onto a particularly familiar looking one. His breath caught in his chest. He reached up to it, tracing the familiar purple plaid of his very own patchwork hoodie. Remus cleared his throat from beside him.

They both spoke at the same time.

"Um, you should probably know that-"

"Remus, I wanted to tell you-"

Virgil turned to look at Remus then, and belatedly realized just how close together they were. Remus' lips were pursed, and Virgil could see that he was chewing at the inside corner of his mouth.

Virgil drew in a breath to speak as Remus moved slightly closer. Pursing his lips shut, he changed his mind, deciding to take a risk.

He surged forward suddenly, shutting his eyes. Remus met him in the middle, and just like that, they were kissing.

It was soft and still at first, lips pressed firmly into each other's. Remus reached one hand up, gently cupping Virgil's cheek.

Virgil pulled back suddenly, but Remus' hand didn't leave his cheek. "I-I'm sorry, I really should've- asked- I meant to say things, i mean, before-" He stopped as Remus set his other hand on Virgil's waist. His face looked incredibly soft and gentle, lips parted slightly as he looked at Virgil like he'd hung the moon.

Virgil intertwined his fingers on the back of Remus' neck, and Remus pulled Virgil back into the kiss.

...

two days later, Virgil was up late again, unable to push himself into unconsciousness. His body was restless even if his mind was exhausted - or perhaps it was the other way around, his mind restless and his body exhausted? He really couldn't tell.

It was nearing 3am, and he was sitting curled in on himself, hugging his knees as he watched the stars out his window. His phone, face-down on the bed beside him, began buzzing.

He tilted his head, sighing as he fought an oncoming wave of exhaustion. He picked up the phone, flipping it to see the caller ID, although part of him hoped knew who it would be.

He pressed the answer button, bringing the phone to his ear.

"Hey, Remus."

He heard Remus gasp on the other end of the line, before murmuring a small "hi."

"I... are you not sleeping good tonight?" Remus' curious and confounded expression was almost palpable through the phone. Virgil smiled lazily, recognizing Remus' demeanor immediately.

"No, I'm not, but that's okay. The stars are pretty tonight." Virgil paused, scratching at his chin a bit. "Are you stoned again?"

A long pause. "Yeah," Remus blurted. "Sorry I... I nodded, but then, I realized... you can't see me."

Virgil smiled to himself again. "It's okay."

A long, comfortable silence followed. Virgil was too tired to feel the obligatory need to make conversation, especially with Remus. He'd be a fool to expect any awkwardness after a make out session with the spontaneous blob that is Remus, but he'd still been nervous to see or speak with him again. That all melted away now though, exhaustion and vague contentment taking its place.

"Virgie - uh, Virgil?" Remus piped up after a while, rousing Virgil from his trance.

"Yeah?"

"Do you, remember..." Remus trailed off, and didn't speak for long enough that Virgil almost responded to prompt him. "Did you come to my house, and also, kiss me, or was that a dream?" Even through his stoned lilt, Remus spoke a bit quickly, like he was trying to shove the words out of his mouth before he could change his mind.

Virgil chuckled. "That wasn't a dream, Remus. Yes, I remember." I don't think I could forget it if i wanted to tried.

"Oh." Virgil could hear the smile in Remus' voice. "Can we- I mean, do you want to, uh, do it again? Some time?" he didn't sound hesitant, no; just hopeful, and perhaps as though he felt like he needed to be excessively gentle. It was the sweetest tone Virgil had ever heard.

"I'd like that," Virgil smiled.

Remus sigh-laughed on the other end of the line, and Virgil's smile grew. "Cool," Remus said almost under his breath.

Virgil didn't do it consciously, but a big, loud yawn decided to worm its way out of him at that moment.

"Are you sleepy Virgie?" Remus asked in a strange partial baby voice. Virgil snorted at him.

"I'm literally always tired, so if the answer was no, that would be more concerning," Virgil quipped, but his voice sounded spent. Remus giggled a little.

"Can I hum to you?" Remus asked, smile still discernable in his tone. Virgil felt something warm spark in his chest, like a lighter being flicked and lit.

"I'd like that a lot, too," Virgil murmured, curling up beneath his covers as Remus started to hum.

He was out like a light in less than 5 minutes.

And if Remus stayed on the line for another half hour or so, humming to him and listening to his even breaths, who was to know?

...

Virgil felt like an idiot.

That wasn't an entirely rare feeling to him, but this particular time was different.

Despite his general edginess and rebel-against-society vibe, Virgil had never touched a drop of alcohol or gone near any intoxicating substance in his life. Until today.

He'd been Remus' boyfriend for almost three months now, and it was everything he could have hoped; haphazard night trips to convenience stores that ended in oddly romantic motorcycle rides, the odd gestures Remus's... eccentric mind came up with, and Virgil was in dire need of more hoodies he could let Remus steal. All this, but Virgil was still Virgil. He still had his anxiety disorder, he still dealt with insomnia. Though, sleeping in Remus' arms was proving an impressively effective remedy to the latter.

So, when Remus suggested Virgil look into the medical benefits of marijuana in regards to both anxiety and insomnia, Virgil was... intrigued, to say the least.

He did find a lot of supporting evidence through his research, and... well, he thought, what the hell, right? If Remus smokes it pretty much every day, and if this many articles are claiming its reliability... what harm would it do to try?

So here he was, sitting on his couch, having taken a couple of edibles, waiting for the high to hit him. His hand ghosted over his jean pocket, assuring himself that his phone was there in case he needed to call 911 or something. He was trying to do breathing exercises to maintain some sort of calm, but sitting still wasn't his strong suit.

He'd chosen edibles since he didn't want to have to deal with the whole... smoke and coughing side of things. And he really didn't like the sound of vaping. He figured this would be fine as an introductory experience, but he realized that he had no clue when the edibles would kick in.

He pulled out his phone, typing into google.

Marijuana edibles generally take 30 minutes to an hour to induce any psychological effects on the consumer.

Oh.

Well, he figured, there was no way he could sit still for that long.

He stood, deciding he'd make himself some dinner. Something to busy his hands with, and the leftovers he'd planned on heating up would last another day or two anyways.

He settled on some fettuccine alfredo, fairly simple but one of his childhood favorites. He had a feeling he'd appreciate the comfort food while he was... in an altered state of mind.

Virgil, however, hadn't accounted for the fact that he had an almost unnaturally high metabolism, and before he'd even gotten the pasta in the boiling water, things started to get a little funky.

The first thing Virgil noticed, before he'd even registered that the edibles were kicking in, was how he could hear his thoughts. Not literally, but it felt as though his stream-of-consciousness thoughts were more slow and clear to him, as though he was speaking directly to himself.

As he thought this, his vision suddenly came into alarming focus, and felt oddly like an unstable skyscraper. He stared down at his feet, and they seemed so far away, the floor looked far too far away... He gripped the counter nearest to him, trying to steady himself even if he wasn't actually falling. He didn't feel like he had any control over his center of balance, and even if he was mostly stock-still as a pencil, he thought he might fall down at any moment, down the many stories of building beneath him. But there was no stories beneath him... it was only his legs, which he didn't remember being so long. He stared a little harder at his feet. They weren't abnormally far away, were they?

Virgil vaguely registered the sound of over-boiling water as the realization hit him.

Oh. So this is what it's like.

He turned so that his lower back was stable against the counter, sliding slowly down onto his butt. Standing didn't feel safe right now, even if that made no sense.

He didn't really like this. He felt so isolated, so alone in this moment. He was too out of it to focus hard enough on those thoughts for them to really take root, but he was generally aware of them. So, he did the first thing he could think to do.

He pulled his phone very slowly and carefully out of his pocket, as if he thought it was a brittle sugar cookie. He stared at the dark screen for a solid minute, wondering why it wasn't turning on. Then he realized he had to actually touch the screen for that to happen, and so he did.

From there, it was relatively easy; he unlocked his phone, found the calling app, scrolled around a little haphazardly up and down the contact list before finding Remus' contact.

If anyone could help him feel less alone, if anyone knew what he was experiencing... it would be him.

He took a deep breath and held it as he pressed the call button, bringing the phone to his face as it rang.

It only rang twice before Remus answered. "Hello, Jack Skellington! What can I do for you this evening?" Remus' voice sounded a little extra mischievous, and Virgil couldn't even begin to place why.

He was quiet for a little too long, vaguely trying to decide what to say. "Hi." Not the most eloquent, but it worked for a start.

"Hi," Remus replied, the troublemaking lilt of his voice dissipating slightly. "Is everything okay, Surly Temple?"

Virgil giggled a bit. Your brother is funny. You keep stealing his nicknames for me. "I'm, yeah. Sorry, talking. it's hard. Right now." Virgil spoke haltingly, each word firm but isolated from the last.

"Hmmm..." Remus stroked his mustache from the other end of the line. Virgil giggled again, realizing he couldn't actually see Remus stroking his mustache, but could imagine it vividly all the same. There was no doubt in his mind that he was doing exactly that.

"Oh, 'm high," Virgil added quite belatedly.

"Oh! Well that makes a lot more sense!" Remus laughed, but quickly composed himself again. "What are you doing? Are you feeling okay? Is this your first time? What's happening?"

"Skyscraper," Virgil replied matter-of-factly, as if that cleared the air entirely.

"...right..." Remus replied slowly. "Stormcloud, is it okay if I come over? I don't... I want you to be- uh, to feel safe right now."

"Yes, please," Virgil clung to the phone like it was Remus' arm. "I miss you I'm kinda scared," his words slurred together, but at least he managed to say something slightly coherent. Remus grunted in acknowledgement.

"Okay. I'll be there in ten. Want me to stay on the line?" Virgil could hear shuffling around in the background.

"What're you doin?" He asked suspiciously, narrowing his eyes at the refrigerator door, since he couldn't actually look at Remus.

"Putting on my shoes, silly! What room are you in right now?" Remus replied, a sense of protectiveness twinged in his voice.

"Kitchen. floor." Virgil swirled his fingers on the wooden floor.

"Okay. Do you want me to stay- oh, fuck it. I'm staying on the line till I get there, okay Virgie?" Virgil heard the sound of a door slamming, followed by vague trafficky noises.

"You're coming," Virgil spoke, registering it in his mind finally.

"Yeah, I'm coming," Remus repeated, and the sound of Remus' car starting sounded shortly after.

Virgil smiled at nothing. "I love you."

The words were a bit slurred together, but he heard them out of his own mouth loud and clear. He almost clapped a hand over his mouth, a little horrified that he'd just said that.

Sure, he'd known he loved Remus for a while now, but they hadn't said it before. He'd almost said it, once, earlier that week while he was laying in Remus' arms on a drowsy Sunday morning, watching the lines of his face shift and harden as he slowly woke up. But he didn't. And now he'd just gone and said it, while he was stoned out of his mind for the first time, sitting on his kitchen floor about to break into tears-

Remus' voice, a little bit strained, interrupted Virgil's thoughts.

"I love you too."

A pause. "I'm almost there, okay? Everything's gonna be fine."

Virgil snuggled down further into his hoodie.

"I know, cus you'll be here."

[forsakenoathkeeper]

I Am Alive (chapter 8/?)

Deviant!Connor[RK800] x (fem!)Reader Rated M(18+) for canon-typical violence and gore, medical procedures, and graphic sexual content

Please support me on AO3 & thanks for reading ♥

"Looks like we're gonna have to bring the plastic detective," Gavin said sourly, removing his phone from his ear.

Connor had been looking through hours and hours of security camera footage all morning. Somehow, he still managed to hear Gavin insult him from across the room.

Seeing as he didn't need to sleep, Connor was one of the first detectives to arrive in the morning, almost every morning. Detective Reed rarely failed to come in shortly after him. Judging by the dark lines in the skin beneath his eyes and redness in his sclera, Connor assumed he suffered from insomnia.

"Just sittin' there, doin' nothing?" Gavin asked, suddenly standing by Connor's desk. He crossed his arms, looking down at the android with contempt.

Connor had been staring at a blank computer screen, finding it much faster and easier to just use his internal interface than the computer. He also operated at much faster speeds than desktops.

He was aware of how comical it appeared, sitting there and looking at nothing; but, most were aware of his internal processes and didn't bother him about the strangeness of his behavior.

Connor had found footage of Robert pulling himself out of the harbor, the time stamp suggesting it was a few hours after their encounter. He had not managed to catch any more footage of him since. He also was on the lookout for the assailants that had attacked androids at the protests yesterday. Unsurprisingly, they were also laying low.

It was a massive city and there was a lot of ground to cover.

"I am going through security camera footage," Connor answered plainly, looking up at Gavin from his seat.

"Ahuh," Gavin replied, clearly not giving a damn. "Got a crime scene with a dead android. Heading over now. Don't fucking keep me waiting."

Connor didn't bother asking for any info, knowing full well he wouldn't get any. As Gavin walked away, Connor checked the case logs in the police database. Luckily, it was already there. The first responding officers had documented it fairly well.

Twenty-one minutes ago, officers responded to a 911 call that an armed assailant had broken into a small manufacturing plant on the north side of the city. The facility created specialized computer chips. They were most commonly used for android motherboards; however, they were also used in some security monitoring systems.

At a quick glance, Connor could see all the victims were androids. They were employees for the morning shift. When he searched the company's records, he could see they had hired the androids as proper employees a few months ago.

One android was dead and three others had been injured. There was one human involved, another employee and a witness, unharmed.

An important report was missing. Despite the fact that three androids had been attacked, no emergency medical services had been called to the scene. Unfortunately, it wasn't entirely surprising. There weren't clear medical services for androids. Not yet.

The clinic you worked at was outsourced from one of the big contributors to Cyberlife's stocks. It was, essentially, the company's way of carefully moving their funds from Cyberlife production to healthcare for androids. Eventually, it was going to start paying for itself, and it served as a great way to protect their public image.

The police needed medical services to document the case, sure; but, Connor was also bothered by the injustice here. Fowler wasn't in yet to approve of his idea. So, the android decided to make the call himself.

...

...

...

Connor was already gone by the time you woke up.

Funny enough, he still managed to wake you up.

You hummed groggily into the phone, not bothering to check who it was before answering.

"I'm sorry, I didn't think you would still be asleep," Connor's voice said politely on the other end.

You yawned into the phone. "Hm? Oh, Connor... You beat my alarm by, like, five minutes. Don't worry about it," you replied hoarsely, rolling onto your other side.

"There's been an incident," Connor began, suddenly sounding quite serious. His tone was enough to wake you up.

"Some androids were injured; but, no paramedics were called for... obvious reasons." Connor didn't sound mad, bless his heart. But, you could sense some frustration. "Would you mind accompanying me on this? I must warn you, it will lead to involvement in this case: paperwork, and likely testimonies."

"Yeah, of course, Connor," you said into the phone, rolling back over to swing your legs over the edge of the bed. "Text me the address?"

"Will do. I haven't arrived yet. I'll meet you there. I'm sorry, there's no food. I haven't had the time to go to the store for-..."

Connor trailed off when he heard you laughing quietly in the background.

"I'm sorry. I was just imagining you at the grocery store," you chuckled. While you didn't mean to laugh, it was hard not to. The image you conjured in your mind was Connor looking very out of place in a grocery store. He probably would only bring home raw vegetables and bottled water.

"I know what dietary needs humans have," Connor replied, almost defensive.

"That's exactly what I'm afraid of," you laughed softly. "Don't worry about it. I can just pick something up along the way."

"I hadn't considered, before I asked, if this unexpected time off would be approved by your employer?" Connor asked.

"Oh, they'll have a field day with this one. No IMS called to an assault. I should be asking you if YOU are gonna get in trouble."

"We need medical reports for the case; so, it isn't entirely in my own self-interest," Connor answered in his usual, calm tone. He sounded robotic at times; but, you had grown to recognize that as his own nature. He was a dedicated detective after all. In your privacy, he wore his heart on his sleeve. But, right now, he was on the force. It was all business.

"Alright. Meet ya' there-" You stole a glance at your messages and noticed the address. "Geez, north side of town? Oh - that's a factory, isn't it?"

"AlphaBio," Connor answered simply.

Naturally, you recognized that name, having a small stash of their chips at the clinic.

"You don't think it's related to the protests?" you asked. It was less of a question and more of a suggestion.

"It is... likely," Connor replied, sounding a little hesitant to answer you.

"I guess I shouldn't be surprised... I'm'a let you go so I can get changed."

"I will see you soon - oh - and, good morning," Connor said warmly. You could practically hear the smile on his face.

You giggled, "good morning, Connor. See you soon," before hanging up.

...

...

...

Connor had failed to mention it was the crime scene for a homicide. Although, he was, specifically, a homicide detective; so, it really shouldn't have surprised you.

The first responders had separated the three damaged androids from the body and sanctioned off that part of the crime scene to everyone but the detectives.

You had been there for almost an hour and had yet to see Connor.

Two of the androids were AP700 models. They were almost exact twins, except one had blue eyes and the other had brown eyes. The third android was a BL100 model. She had her factory issued hair swapped with something short, boyish, and ebony black.

All of them had suffered defensive wounds. The detectives made it very clear you weren't to be given any insight to their testimonies. It was understandable. They wanted to verify that your findings matched their statements without preconceived notions.

Luckily, most of their wounds were superficial. The worse injury of the batch was one of the AP700's had severe nerve damage on his inner, right elbow, cutting off movement to his forearm and fingers. It was an easy fix, and he seemed grateful.

The BL100 was hesitant to let you touch her, not that you were the least bit offended or surprised. You knew what she was designed for, and she knew that you knew. It was only after she saw you handle the other two androids with respect that she felt comfortable enough to let you help her.

As you treated their damages, you documented them with a tablet one of the officers had given you. It was a little difficult, considering their documentation was designed for humans. Somehow, you managed to make it work.

You had been there for a little over two hours before you finally saw Connor. He had actually caught you off guard. You were seated at a small, fold out desk, tapping away on the DPD tablet when you saw someone suddenly approach in the corner of your eye. They set a water bottle at the edge of the desk.

Your eyes shifted to his torso first. Oh. He was wearing his nice coat today, and a matching, black tie.

"Thank you," you uttered, a small smile forming on your lips. You didn't maneuver too far from the tablet, going over your work carefully to make sure everything was properly notated. Considering it was documentation for human wounds, you had to put extra care into it.

"Hey, Robocop!" Detective Reed called out suddenly, before the android could say anything to you.

Connor knew he was talking about him, and wanted to ignore him; but, they were at a crime scene and this was important. He couldn't ignore him right now.

He shifted his eyes from you and over to the other detective. You froze up at the word 'Robocop', somehow doubting it was intended to be a word of endearment.

When Gavin saw that Connor was looking, he continued. "This computer is having issues. I figured it was your cousin or something. So, you should be able to fix it, yeah?"

All at once, blood rushed to your face and rage started to rise in you like smoke in a chimney.

Everyone in the room heard Gavin's remark: Hank, on the other side of the room, going over the case details with the first responding officers, another detective who had been dusting for prints along every entryway, a total of four police officers, and the CSI operator sitting at the desk next to Gavin.

If Connor was annoyed, he was doing a damn good job of hiding it.

The android approached the detective. "Androids are far more complicated than desktop computers," he said calmly, keeping his eyes focused on Gavin. He wasn't just calm: he was polite. "I won't be of much help, I'm afraid."

The person seated in front of the computer, a member of their computer division, looked uncomfortable enough to commit seppuku right then and there.

"Do the hand thing," Gavin suggested, lifting his hand for a moment and waving it like he was talking to a child. "You know - probe it."

"I can only probe androids," Connor answered, plainly, as if unbothered by the ridiculousness of it all.

"It's fine. I can recover the data-" the crime scene investigator tried to mediate. It was clear that Gavin wasn't listening to him.

"Ohhh - right - right," Gavin replied, drawing out his words in mock understanding. "Poor girlfriend," he added on with a chuckle.

Did he just suggest-...?

Something in you snapped. You carefully set down the tablet, pushed your chair back, and marched over to the detective.

"Who the fuck do you think you are?" you called out to the detective, not caring if everyone in this god-damned room was watching.

The smug bastard turned around, eyeing you. You stepped right up to him, fearless, fire in your eyes. You could tell Connor was looking at you; but, most of your vision was being taken in by this asshole, leaving you unable to make out Connor's expression.

"Ugh - shit," Hank muttered to himself. He approached, deciding to intervene before things got ugly.

"A real cop," Gavin sneered at you. "-and you are here as a formality. Don't push your luck."

"Connor is a real cop," you practically snarled at the guy. "He deserves just as much respect as anyone else."

"That's enough," Hank said lowly, directed at both you and the detective.

The lieutenant looked around, eyes briefly scanning everyone in the room. "This isn't a high school locker room. Get back to work," he hollered. He was loud and commanding. His words didn't fall on deaf ears.

Except, you and Detective Reed were still locked in a death glare.

You wanted to punch him. You hadn't felt the desire to do that since college, when you had to share crowded hallways with smug assholes who thought they owned the world.

Somehow, you had a feeling, the detective could sense that.

"Unless you wanna get arrested for assaulting a police officer, honey, I suggest you back down," he threatened, craning his neck a little to get closer to you.

The android felt his internal temperature rise at the word 'honey'. He didn't care if Gavin called him 'plastic detective', 'robocop', or whatever else came to mind. But, that, directed at you, specifically, bothered him.

Connor could see how tense you were, staring Gavin down with the kind of burning rage he had seen in you once before, directed at himself when he attempted to prevent you from salvaging supplies from a truck in the middle of a firefighter.

He wasn't sure if you would actually hit Detective Reed; but, he couldn't take that chance. There was a high probability that Detective Reed would go through with his threat. You didn't have a criminal record, and Connor didn't want you to end up with one, especially because of him.

The android moved in and slid his arm around your waist. He pulled you into him and away from Gavin, turning his back to the detective. With his legs moving, you had no choice but to shuffle your own feet to keep up with him, practically being dragged away. You flailed awkwardly, but Connor kept you up.

"Don't," Connor requested. You glared at the detective over Connor's shoulder.

Gavin seemed pleased with that. "I would listen to your vibrator, sweetheart," he called out to you smugly, starting to step away. "Might do ya' some good!"

"You don't fucking know when to quit," Hank snarled, his hand roughly falling onto Gavin's shoulder, giving him a push away from you.

"Take your own advice, fuckhead!" you almost shouted over Connor's shoulder. "Maybe if you got laid every once in a while, you wouldn't be such a piece of s-"

"Please don't," Connor interrupted you, stepping in the way so that he took up most of your field of view.

"Connor, don't you fucking-" you hissed at him.

"He's not worth it," Connor warned, eyes narrowing slightly at you. Well, that was new. He actually looked a little angry with you.

"Like fuck he isn't. That bastard deserves to be punched in his stupid bitch-ass fa-"

"I don't want you to get in trouble," he insisted, shaking you a little.

You clenched your jaw, glaring at the android's stupid, handsome face. That bastard disrespected him. You had no doubt that it wasn't the first time, and it sure as hell wouldn't be the last.

"I like when you get angry," Connor commented with a small grin. He didn't say it, but you couldn't hear it being followed with, 'cute'. He seemed enamored in that moment, and he was, captivated by how passionate you were in his defense, even if it didn't exactly make sense to him.

"...maybe I should punch you instead," you grumbled, trying not to be completely smitten with him.

Connor removed his arm from your waist and stepped back a little, giving you space. You let go of his shoulders and fixed your scrub top, which had been bunched up a little after he grabbed you.

"Well-" you stammered, feeling a little flustered. You couldn't help it. You liked it when he was like this. Connor wanted to be protective, but he also wanted to give you freedom, and it clashed so beautifully in him.

"Y-yeah, well, he fucking had it coming and - and you should'a just let me-..." You sighed heavily. Of course he shouldn't have just let you do whatever.

But, still-

-you were frustrated.

"-you're in the doghouse, mister," you proclaimed quietly, sounding barely serious at all, and poked a finger into Connor's shoulder.

The android stared at you, perplexed.

The dog... house?

As you stepped away and returned to the desk, Connor searched the internet for the meaning of that. From his findings: it seemed to be a word primarily used between couples and meant that someone was in trouble for angering the other, and held the connotation that the one in said 'doghouse' would not be bedding with the one they had angered.

Connor fixed his tie in place of his pride.

He couldn't say he didn't understand why you would be upset with him. What he had done to you was degrading, wasn't it? He had manhandled you, in front of everyone.

He despised Detective Reed, if he was being perfectly honest. It was something he had struggled with; but, it was inevitable that he would meet people whom he simply could never get along with.

He could make sense of being disliked for being an android; he had heard many, many reasons ranging from past traumas to selfish insecurities. But, Detective Reed sought out ways to degrade him whenever the moment convenienced him.

It didn't exactly help that Connor had left him passed out in the evidence room some odd months ago. That likely left a huge dent in his ego. Of course, Connor didn't bring it up because he didn't care.

Connor had yet to hear the detective actually call him by his name. If he was being perfectly honest, 'robocop' was somehow the most flattering of the bunch.

Detective Reed seemed to enjoy relating him to every piece of computer equipment in the office. Connor knew this was to remind him that he wasn't human: he was a machine, a computer wrapped in plastic.

-and, he enjoyed emasculating Connor.

The android didn't care of the extent of Detective Reed's knowledge of his genitalia or whether or not he was capable of pleasing you sexually; but, you cared?

Maybe, while he was in the 'doghouse', he could try to make sense of it.

...

...

...

"It's almost midnight. What the hell are you still doing here, Connor?" Hank barked at him.

Connor looked up at his desk, uttering, "I could ask you the same thing, detective..."

Hank was holding his coffee mug in one hand, a folder in the other. He laughed, mumbling, "smartass", as he sat back down at his desk.

The android sighed out your name, "-said I'm in the 'doghouse'. I assumed that meant she wanted space."

Hank let out a bellowing laugh that almost startled the android. He nearly split his coffee, too. After Hank calmed his laughter and looked at him again, and caught that childish frown on Connor's face, he started laughing again.

"Trust me, son-" Hank coughed, still trying to calm his laughter. "She doesn't want space. She wants you to go home and apologize."

Connor looked at Hank like he was analyzing. He hadn't looked at Hank like that in a long time.

"I see..." he uttered, sounding quite embarrassed.

"It's about the thing Gavin said, huh?" Hank added on. "You not having a huge ego is good for you and all, but - of course she was gonna defend you because well - you know."

Hank waved his hand at Connor, not explicitly wanting to say what he was thinking.

"But," Hank continued, "you did the right thing: stopping her before she did something stupid. She knows that, which is why ya' need'ta go home and apologize anyway. Women are... like that."

Hank paused and took a sip of his coffee, hissing in response to how hot it was; however, that didn't stop him from immediately going in for another drink.

The android pondered over the lieutenant's words quickly.

"Thanks, Hank," Connor said, hastily removing himself from his desk. It was the first time he left the office without tucking his chair back in.

[h0neyjaehyun]

☁︎ 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐬𝐮𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞 ☁︎

Summary // WinWin is feeling uncertain that Tali likes him, but then finds reassurance after sometime with her.

Characters // Talia Flores + Dong Sicheng (ft Taeyong, Mention: Jisung, Chenle, 127 members)

Era / Year // January 2017

Word Count //

Italics: Chinese

Its obvious EVERYONE loves WinWin, everyone is whipped for him, even Jaehyun who is a person who doesn't do skinship that much. But all the fans wonder...why doesn't Tali swoon over him.

For example Tali gushes over Chenle and Jisung a lot. Mostly because they are younger but she also does to the older members like Taeyong. So they always wonder why doesn't she gush over WinWin like Taeil or Yuta does even Mark. Like if WinWin does something cute, she just smiles and moves on. For a moment the fans thought Tali and WinWin had beef but that was debunked when WinWin was clinging on to her during a music show.

Its even shown WinWin purposely acting cute infront of her or just making eye contact and her just smiling at him and then going back to what she was doing. Then the members laugh him sulking when she doesnt give him much of a reaction and Taeil and Yuta comfort him.

Tali is known to not be charmed easily for example the amount of times she gets shown aegyo to, it has been to the point she doesn't show much of a reaction. If you want to her to fall for an aegyo make Chenle do it and she just for some reason can't deny him. Which makes WinWin sad, he feels like he did something wrong for her not to acknowledge him as much as the others. So usually you see him try to get her attention or him clinging on to her like a half backhug or holding her hand. Which makes Taeil and Yuta jealous of her honestly.

But in reality, Tali LOVES WinWin she really does, its just she has noticed he doesn't like to be smothered or clinged on to he seems uncomfortable and she thinks that since she is a girl be would be more uncomfortable with her hugging him so she doesn't.

He didn't really know what to do so he went to a person he could trust...

"Hyung."

Taeyong looked back and saw a sad WinWin.

"Hey whats wrong?" He asked and went to him and sat him down.

"Do you think Tali likes me...she seems not to." He said pouting, and it took all of Taeyong's power not to squish him.

"No, no ,no Tali loves you of course-"

"Then why doesn't she act like she does when she is with Jaehyun, or Haechan?" He said with sadness.

Taeyong huffed, he knows for a fact Tali loves him, but he also doesn't know why she just doesn't gush over him like the rest.

"I-...I know she loves you Sicheng, she does, but I don't know why she doesn't treat you like the others, you are gonna have to ask her yourself." Taeyong reassured him.

WinWin has always been comfortable with Tali like asking her for stuff and her knowing Chinese helped a lot. But he always felt that he wasn't in her heart. He just nodded her head and left...at that moment Taeyong felt powerless to help his friend.

That exact same day Tali went live...

"Huh?"

LOveWinWin: why don't you love WinWin??

Tali looked at it weirdly.

"I do like WinWin, what makes you think I don't?" She frowned

Winwin45: cause you never really give him that much attention and etc.

The fan clear up, Tali made an :0 face. While other fans were trying to reassure her that its was fine. She smiled at them.

"Its okay its fine, you guys are probably wondering too, I do like WinWin don't worry." she giggled

"Its just he is not a big fan of skinship, then Im like the only girl which I think, I think would make him more uncomfortable you know?" She said explaining why, and emphasizing the I think.

"I just don't wanna cross the line since everyone is different." She clarified

All then fans were like oh okay, that makes sense.

Tali looked at her phone and saw it was late.

"Ah, sorry guys its late and I would like to leave before dark, bye everyone~" She waved by to everyone and ended the live.

She quickly started packing her things since its was running late, then she heard the door open and she looked up and saw someone she wasn't expecting.

"Oh, hey WinWin." She smiled at the shy boy. He waved at walked to her, he looked like he was about to say something but hesitated.

"Is there something wrong?" She gave him a worried look and he shook his head no.

"Then whats wrong?"

".....you don't hate me?"

Tali's heart sank when he said that.

"Oh no no, of course I don't, even if I did I don't have a reason to." She smiled at him sadly.

"So you-"

"No, I dont hate you, the reason I don't hug you and etc is because is because you seem so un-"

She was cut off by his tight hug.

"Thank you...I was so worried I did something wrong or said something...thank you."

"Oh noo, I care about you sooo much and honestly I don't think you can ever change that." She hugged him back.

"And by the way you can hug me all you want I won't get uncomfortable...i-"

"No yeah I will no problem."

She cut him off quickly already knowing what he was gonna say...

promise.

He was caught off guard but just smiled and thought nothing of it.

"Hey let me walk you home it looks dark already."

"Oh you don't ha-."

WinWin gave her a pleading look, she huffed and nodded her head. He gave her a big smile, they started to go back home until he got an idea.

"Hey, lets stop at the store, I wanna buy you a snack."

"Oh noo, you don-"

"Nope, I wanna spoil you, I wanna get close to our only female member so, indulge me." He dragged her, while she was shaking her head.

They got some sodas, chips, and ingredients to make a chocolate cake.

"Are you sure? I can pay atleas-" She was cut of by doe eyes staring right at her. She huffed.

"Okay okay..."

He smiled and back hugged her with joy. They got to the dorms and they started baking.

"O-okay where do we start?"

"Uh....okay get me....two bowls...and 2 whisks...yeah."She seems unsure, but really wanted it to work out not to waste WinWins money.

"You sure?"

Tali looked at him and looked at the ingredients infront of her.

"Ah, no, this is where google comes in."

She took out her phone, while WinWin laughed at her. She smiled shaking her head.

"Ah okay lets...." and she started giving instructions, they somehow successfully made the batter and now had put it in the oven.

"Thats...was way harder then its should have been."

"Agreed" Tali huffed.

"Lets clean so Taeyong won't scold us when he wakes randomly."

"Randomly?"

"Yeah, sometimes he wakes up randomly, Im planning to go to the pharmacy tomorrow morning and get some melatonin so he can get proper sleep." She said while she started to clean.

"Tali.."

"Yeah."

"Do you get enough sleep at night too?"

Tali was caught off guard, she looked at him weirdly.

"Yeah of course-"

"Then how do you know?"

She didn't know what to say. Its true, insomnia has been taking over her lately aswell.

"Tali~ after this lets put you to sleep ok?"

"Ah no you don't ha-". The timer rang for the cake, she quickly grabbed the mittens and got the cake out and put it on the cooling rack. While WinWin was looking at her with sad eyes.

She turned around to him.

"Tali...you can sleep in my room I will sleep on the couch." He tried to negotiate so she would sleep, since the cake is out and they could finish it tomorrow.

"Ah no, I cant.."

"No take my bed."

"No."

"Yes."

They looked at each other then Tali ran for the living room. Winwin held her back before she could get to the door frame and they were laughing while wrestling. Winwin somehow got on the couch before Tali and Tali was just standing beside him pouting.

"Nooo, WinWin~ let me sleep on the couch."

"Nope." He shook his head cutely.

"Okay, how about this, how about me and you sleep on the bed..or both on the couch, cause there is no way I'm letting you sleep here." She whined while pouting. He went soft for her cause how can he not with that face.

"Fine." He sighed

He got up and Tali smiled in victory.

"But tell no one that we slept in the same-"

"Can se cuddle?"

She asked hoping he would say yes, it was rare for her to ask, she mostly asked because she knew the bed was alittle small.

"Sure...wait this is the first time I will ever cuddle you."

"Is...that a problem?"

"Nope, come on I will treasure this." He shook his head.

They went in bed and she layed her head on his chest and surprisingly they both fell asleep really quick.

To WinWin there was something about Tali he feels so relaxed around her, like home, so cuddling together was quite peaceful.

The next day came and Taeil barged in wanting attention from WinWin but instead got greeted by Tali and WinWin cuddling.

He yelled loudly which woke up WinWin but surprisingly not Tali.

"Whats wrong." WinWin said with a raspy voice, still holding on to Tali in a protective manner.

Everyone barged in worried.

"What's wrong?!" Taeyong asked worried why the oldest yelled, then they saw a half awake WinWin holding a sleeping Tali. They all sighed in relief it was just that and some glared at Taeil.

"What?"

"Why did you scream?" Johnny asked while some where leaving back to their room to sleep. The people that stayed were Yuta from shock that WinWin and Tali were cuddling and Taeyong also wanting an answer.

"I wasn't expecting Tali and WinWin in the same bed okay? She's not that affectionate with him." He reasoned. The two just shook their head and went back to bed. Yuta still looking at the two, he decided to take pictures.

"Now this is gonna be a memory."

[mypimpademia]

Bakugo, Todoroki, and Shinso quarantining w black s/o

Bakugo x Todoroki x black!reader x Shinso

TW: Swearing, refers to sexual activities at the end of each of them

Note: Yes, I did do most of this stuff in quarantine. [And they're aged up as always]

BAKUGO

He honestly feels like he's losing his shit

And he probably would if he did have you with him

You guys are staying up all night and watching Wild n Out, Basic to Bougie, 90 Day Fiance, all that shit

And of course Bad Girls Club

He claims he hates 90 Day Fiance and BGC, but he stays watching that shit, even if he has the remote or youre on his phone

His sleep schedule is fucked up

And by fucked up, I mean its a few hours past the old man's bed time

He goes to bed at 1 am now instead of 9 pm

But still wakes up at 9 am

He took a leave on hero work because of covid

He loves his job almost as much as he loves you (aw💖)

But hes not gonna risk his health for it

"Fuck all that bullshit, as much as I love my job, I'm staying my ass in this house. And you are too. I'll be damned if you catch it, especially if its from me."

Yall only go out once a week

He could minimize it to once every other week, but he tried that and it almost drove him crazy

There aren't any exceptions unless there's an emergency

Makes you wear gloves and use a reusable mask that he washes as soon as yall get home

And you get mostly essentials but he'll ask you if you want candy or anything and he'll buy a big box of brownie mix if you like brownies just to hold you over for a while

Also stocks up on meds like pain killers and allergy pills

No fucks given, he will hit up different stores for toilet paper

"WHY ARE ALL THESE FUCKIN IDIOTS TAKING THE TOILET PAPER?? I KNOW DAMN FUCKIN WELL YALL DONT SHIT THAT MUCH, AND HALF OF YALL PROBABLY DONT EVEN WIPE."

Hes gonna experiment with cooking more now that he has time

Writes down all the recipes that work out

Youre his taste tester so you best believe you bouta be eatin good 😌

If you want your hair done he'll order it online unless yall are already out

Hes gonna make sure that you're eating good and feeling okay because these are tough times 🥺

But hes gonna do it in his own way and act like he's not concerned

"Hey idiot, do you wanna pass out? You haven't been drinking water today, I can tell. I'm getting you a full cup, you better drink it all."

"You haven't eaten anything today, I'm making you dinner."

"Your hair is dry, come here so I can help you put oil on it. I keep telling you to take care of it, ill laught at you if you go bald." He wont

Also has you work out with him do you can stay in shape

Libido?

Yessir

Every other day, anywhere (except in public because hes not about to get sick), at anytime

It goes 50/50

Sometimes its just because hes in the mood

Other times hes feeling really soft and wants to show you that he loves you

All in all its a mixture of Bakugo losing his shit and loving you all in one

TODOROKI

He's pretty chill about it

Just super bored

Starts watching BGC, binges Basic to Bougie and 90 Day Fiance

Oddly enough he really enjoys watching Love & Hip Hop????

He finds it interesting

Especially likes Cardis season because its funny and hella memes came out of it

Don't get me wrong tho I aint a Cardi stan but you gotta admit that she's mad funny im a barb at heart tho

His crackhead really comes out over quarantine

He'll start referencing random ass memes

Hes mostly on leave for hero work unless they really need him

In that case he wears a mask and gloves out

When he gets home the first thing he does is reference BGC

"WHATS UP BAD BITCHES"

And thats how you know he's home

Goes to bed at like 1:30 - 2 am

Only because he doesn't want to be passed out if he's needed for hero duties

Goes out every other week

Mainly for basic essentials, but if you want a little extra he'll buy it

Anything else he'll buy online

Also goes to other stores to buy more toilet paper

Figured out that hes really good at crochets

So if you want your hair done he'll order any crochets you want off Amazon and do them for you

Takes care of you and makes sure your doing well all together

"Did you eat today baby?"

"How much water have you had today?"

"Have you been putting oil on your hair?"

Lotsss of cold soba

But he cooks a few other things so that its not the same thing 24/7

Asks Fuyumi for help when he doesn't know how to cook something super well

If you're the type to go to bed hella late, he'll make sure you sleep a full 8 hours

Even if you wake up after 5 he'll ask you to take a nap with him

Has you work out with him every now and then so you can both stay healthy

Not too much libido

He didn't get in the mood like that even before quarantine

Its not every other day like Bakugo though

More like twice a week

Anymore than that and it'll probably be because you needed it rather than him

If its after a mission it'll be slower just so he can show you how much he loves and appreciates you for being someone he can come home to and just being you

If its more spontaneous he'll be slightly rough but still a pretty slow

But it's a lot of crackhead Todoroki and soft Todoroki

SHINSO

He's doing fine

Just more bored than usual

I feel like Shinso likes cartoons so hes rewatching a bunch of childhood cartoons

Steven Universe, Adventure Time, Regular Show, all that good shit

Lotsss of cartoon quotes

Yall are having a pillow fight and he grabs 2 pillows and claps you?

"Cheatin ass bitch."

"Street rules, man." (Regular Show quote for those who don't know)

Please sing the bacon pancake song (Adventure Time) with him while yall make breakfast

He'll be so happy

If you do something stupid hes gonna do a lemon grab (Adventure time) quote

"UNACCEPTABLE"

On leave for hero work

Really doesn't care about getting himself sick unless he gets super sick or dies

But hes not about to get you sick

He'd genuinely rather get himself sick and die than get you sick

Yall go out twice a week

Once to get essentials and another just to get out

I feel like shinso is a decent cook so he'll cook for you

Write down recipes that you like

Also gets some off the internet

Works better with natural hair than braids and crochets

So he'll do slick backs for you and maybe give you a ponytail or something if you ask but he'd rather do 100% natural just because hes better at it and he likes natural black hair

Can also do half wigs

Takes care of you more than himself

So you have to take care of each other

"Did you drink water today, Doll?"

"I did, did you?"

"Did you eat today?"

"No, and you haven't either. What should we eat for lunch?"

"You havent been putting oil on you hair. Do you want me to help you, kitty?"

Small work out sessions

Maybe like 15 min a day

Full body tho because hes too lazy to split up days

Does to bed at like 4 - 6 am

Mostly just watching YouTube and binging cartoons and eating

Insomnia Cookies? (If you dont know, its a cookie place that delivers till 3 am and theyre so good-)

YESSIRRR

Yall gain back any weight you burned off from exercising earlier that day

Pizza, cookies, chicken nuggets, fries, fried chicken, etc.

Basically just a constant sleep over

Libido to the max

Once or twice a day

Nothing public because germs

Normally rough

But every now and then he'll get soft and just tell you how much he loves you and appreciates you

His aftercare for times like that consists of a bubble bath, lots of hugs, food and cartoons😌

[flooffybits]

Keep Falling

Idol: Kim Bora

Anon: * Can i request a scenario with dc bora? You know that recent live she did where her pajamas were too big so she had to hold it up? 8th member reader joins her for that vlive and notices sua’s shirt going down again and again so she holds it for her and jokingly says something like “yah im the only one allowed to see that” and makes bora flustered? Thank you author :))

Author's note: love the amount of sua requests ive received since her birthday ngl

She’s been on the app for a while now and Bora admits that she’s enjoying how her fans have been talking to her. Some were still greeting her happy birthday even though it’s passed a few days already while others have been asking her about the newest comeback.

Just as she had started to show fans the workout instructions she had on the wall, you walked in after washing up and looking ready to head to bed. Though you weren’t exactly sleepy yet, so you decided to check in on the other girl when you heard her talking and laughing.

“Unnie, what are you doing?” You asked, making her head turn and then smile when she saw you. She adjusted the camera once more to show you that she was live and you smile instantly before waving. “I was showing Insomnias the workout board.” She explains while sitting down and you moved to sit next to her.

With your head on her shoulder, you waved once more to the fans. “Hello.” You greeted and Bora shifted next to you, pulling her shirt up when she noticed it was slipping off her. “Somnias, how are you?” You asked so that their attention would shift away from the older girl.

You did smile when you saw some comments telling her to put a pin or something to help her cover up.

“What’s your favorite song?” You read off and looked to the dancer, only to see her adjusting her clothes again. Silently, your right hand went over to cover her chest while the other adjusted her shirt from the back. “Well, I think my favorite right now is... Boca.” You said in a teasing manner and Bora chuckled at your antics before she had joined in, thankful as you had helped her with her little predicament.

“Oh, yeah. Boca is definitely my favorite, too.” She nodded and you withdrew your right hand, deciding to just hold her shirt from the back.

“Yah! What are they saying that you spoiled something?” You ask her and her eyes widened before waving her hands in the air. “Nothing! I didn’t say anything, right, everyone?” She laughed nervously while looking at the camera with a look of betrayal.

You caught on to it and smirked. “And you say Yoohyeon is bad.” You shake your head as she pouted at you. “I didn’t do anything!” She whined as you ignored her and just read more of the comments.

“How could you guys throw me under the bus like that?” Bora mouthed to from behind you, but when you looked back, she flashed a quick smile before she pointed to a comment. “TMI?”

She looked at you, since she had already shared something earlier when she was alone and you cocked your head to the side while thinking, finally letting her relax. “Today, I went with Jiu unnie and Yoohyeonnie to the mall.” You laughed when you remembered what had happened that afternoon.

Bora grinned as she watched from the side, both of you failing to realize that you had let go of her shirt when you began to tell them how Yoohyeon had lost you when Minji went to check something for Cherry.

“Yoohyeon was panicking so much and said that Jiu was going to kill her for losing me like that.” She giggled. “She then said that she got distracted while looking for me so she just gave up. Jiu unnie found me on my own when she was buying and when Yoohyeon came, she looked so pale.”

Hearing the whole thing, Bora ended up cackling next to you, her eyes wide as she asked if you were lying or not. “It really happened. Ask them.” You insist before quickly adjusting her shirt and then holding it from the back as she started laughing again.

Furrowing your brows, you looked at the older girl and laughed. “Yah, unnie, what’s with you? I’m the only one who’s allowed to see that.” You said playfully and it takes her a while to process what you were saying until she felt her heat rise to her cheeks when she slapped your arm.

“What are you saying?” She screeched with wide eyes and you laughed even harder when you saw fans commenting your ship name and some more ridiculous things.

The way she looked at you was just hilarious, as though she was reminding you that you were live, but you couldn’t stop laughing so much about it. Her flustered state did not help, even when she was hitting you countless times just to knock it off.

“I think that’s enough for tonight. It’s getting late, everyone.” She tells the camera while grabbing the phone and then waving. “Y/n was actually supposed to go to bed, earlier. So I think we should go.” She reasons while you were busy trying to catch your breath from laughing so hard.

“We’re so screwed.”

You were still holding Bora’s shirt as she said goodbye and you waved happily to your fans. “Goodnight, I hope you all take care.” You tell them before the two of you finally end the live and Bora turns to you when you release her clothes.

“You must really love teasing me like that.” She huffed after she adjusted her shirt properly and you smirked while standing back up. “I thought you’ve gotten used to me by now.” You tell her, offering a hand so she could stand as well.

She gives you a playful shove as you both head to your rooms. “Not when you tease me out of the blue!” She retorts, making you giggle and then open the door to your room. “How would it be fun if you know when I’ll do it?”

She groans in response but pulls you into a kiss, anyway. “You’re lucky you’re cute or else I would have told Yoohyeon to ditch you at the mall.” She muttered and you fake an offended look. “You would miss me.”

“You wish.”

“What’s it gonna take, this time?”

She grinned mischievously at you as she latched to your arm and pushed you inside your room. “I think you’re aware that I accept apologies in kisses and cuddles.”