#like jesus christ is this just a thing for fucking middle aged people in their jobs????

[a-nybodys]

spending any amount of time on twitter is like walking slowly towards the chernobyl elephants foot

[pluto-boy]

.

[ohnococo]

Dating Co-Worker Hiromi Higuruma HCs

(A follow up to these headcanons. Your co-worker Hiromi Higuruma has been pining for you, and has been kind of a pervert about it. That's definitely still the case now that you're actually dating.)

Hiromi Higuruma who feels guilty about the whole thing because you can’t be dating co-workers… like you literally can’t. It’s against company policy and Jesus fucking Christ neither of you need the stress of this and if you got caught he would feel like it was his fault forever.

Hiromi Higuruma who, when you decide to see each other, reiterates (despite not needing to) that you can’t risk doing anything at work that might indicate you’re dating. 

Hiromi Higuruma who seems to forget that constantly when you’re sitting next to each other in meetings and he takes chances to brush his fingers against yours under the table.

Hiromi Higuruma who is very bad at stopping himself from giving you that “sappy sleepy Sunday morning I’m in love” smile over lunch with the rest of your co-workers. 

Hiromi Higuruma who basically forgets to not look at you like you’re the only two people in the room about ten times a day. When you speak he looks at you like you’re only talking to him, when you make a joke he laughs like you’re on a date. And… it’s really only slightly more obvious than when you hadn’t been dating, to be honest. You warn him about it in private but it would probably be more odd to your co-workers if he suddenly stopped acting like this. 

NSFW/18+ ONLY UNDER THE CUT

Hiromi Higuruma who still can’t handle how much he wants you during the work day even though he literally just has to wait until after work hours when you’re behind closed doors. He doesn’t even care how pathetic he sounds in his texts begging you to “please please please send me a pic of your panties” his heart will be racing when he sees you going to the bathroom and whatever he’s doing is paused while he waits to hopefully get a text from you of you partially undressed. 

Hiromi Higuruma who can’t see you at the copier without thinking of how much he’d love to fill your panties with his cum in the middle of the day.

Hiromi Higuruma who randomly texts you the filthiest string of consciousness about how bad he wants to cum down your throat or wants to fuck you until you can’t remember your name or have you choking him with both of your pretty hands while he fucks up into you. You’ll glance at him across the office and he honest to god looks fucking stressed about how bad he wants to fuck you.

Hiromi Higuruma who, after litigation goes to absolute shit in a case he’s been stressing over for ages, takes you into the bathroom on the creepy abandoned floor that's closed for refurbishments due to damp and fucks you til you have to make an excuse for disappearing in middle of the day. There’s no way you’ll be able to make yourself look presentable within a reasonable timeframe and it becomes clear you’ll be the one having to hold firm on the “no fooling around in the office” rule after that. He just gets a little too rowdy once he has his hands on you.

Hiromi Higuruma who, after a week of no pics during the work day, no responses to his dirty texts, and not even a quick kiss in the stairwell, pulls you into the supply closet and actually gets on his hands and knees begging for you to please suck his cock. (You're beginning to think there's something about fooling around in the office that makes him even more depraved than usual).

Hiromi Higuruma who, when you tell him absolutely fucking not because he’ll leave you looking a complete mess, when switches to begging you to let him go down on you instead. He’s smart, and saw the look in your eyes when he’d first gotten down on his knees for you, and opts to stay that way while he makes you cum with his mouth. You can’t even be mad when he starts stroking himself fast and rough while he does it, the cum all over his trousers and shirt is his problem, not yours. 

Hiromi Higuruma who, despite the added stress of getting caught, actually seems way more happy and productive at work because he’s comparatively released a lot of the previous stressors he had. He no longer has to feel so bad about jerking off to innocent pictures of you, cumming even harder when he unloads all over your face on the screen. He no longer has to feel bad over the time he stole your (clean) panties to spend a week using to jerk off until you returned from vacation. He no longer has to feel bad over the time he came over to yours to get some work done and excused himself to go to the bathroom and steal your (dirty) panties out of your hamper and pocketed them. And he definitely no longer has to feel bad over the second time you let him house sit and he spent days in your bed masturbating, sucking on your sex toys, feeling elated with what he thought would be the closest he got to doing all the filthy things he couldn’t stop thinking of doing with you. It was all okay because you did actually like him in the end, right? 

[trensu]

Time travel AU, that takes place during in-universe present day and the time travel is actually future middle aged Steve getting accidentally sent back.

Like our 19yo steve is puttering about in his empty house minding his own business. And then he hears someone behind him Mutter vehemently, "fuck!" It gives him a heart attack, especially when he whirls around and sees, "dad?? What are you doing here? I thought you were in New York?"

The man who looks like his father gapes at him, and says "oh my god, I'm a toddler, jesus christ."

He then passes out and steve immediately lunges towards his phone to call Dustin.

Your typical time travel shenanigans ensue. It's all fine and dandy at first. Everyone oohs and ahhs over Future Steve. Present Day Steve is a bit in awe of his future self because the dude seems to have his life together. He's not saying anything no matter how many questions Steve throws at him because it might ruin the timeline or whatever the hell, but Steve can see it in the way he carries himself with a sort of relaxed confidence that Steve couldn't have faked even during his King days.

That awe lasts until Eddie shows up. Eddie burst into the room with his usual exuberance and beamed at Steve the way he always does when he visits that makes warmth bloom in Steve's chest like a carnivorous jungle flower. But then Eddie catches sight of Future Steve and he freezes. Future Steve grins at him and wiggles his fingers as a hello, which Eddie dimly mimics.

Steve and Dustin quickly inform Eddie what's up. Eddie laughs in disbelief, "two Steves. One from the future. Why the fuck not."

Future Steve laughs. "God, Eddie, you're so young! You're all kids."

Eddie flushes, "hey, I'm a grown man!"

"Boy, you can't even go for a drink without breaking the law right now."

Eddie splutters in embarrassment, and yet he proceeds to follow Future Steve around like a lost puppy. Steve doesn't like it. He especially doesn't like how squirmy and red Eddie gets whenever Future Steve pays him the slightest bit of attention. It's stupid. Eddie is acting stupid for no damn reason and it's like Steve doesn't even exist anymore.

(Steve pettily starts calling his future self Old Man Steve in his mind because fuck that guy, he thinks he's sooo cool but he isn't, he's just some boring old man that hasn't done anything to deserve Eddie's unwavering attention, what the fuck).

While Steve starts channeling his bitchy kingly self around Future Steve, the rest of the gang is working diligently to find a way to get Future Steve back home. Eventually some vague yet menacing government types show up. There has been, apparently, an entire branch of the research department created to figure out teleportation and other such sci-fi things that Steve is pretty sure they're making up on the spot.

Apparently, they noticed some weird readings on whatever fancy machines they got and came to investigate. Steve may not be a genius math whiz, but he's good at reading people. He can tell these guys know a hell of a lot more than they're saying. And he could've sworn that his future self actually recognized a couple of the scientists.

Steve lingers by the scientists, both miniature and full size, even though he's useless there because if he has to watch his future self laugh indulgently at Eddie's constant bids for attention he might have to dig out the nail bat. Instead he watches from the corner of his eye as Eddie excitedly asks about any dnd updates he could look forward to in the future; he watches Eddie shyly tug his hair over his mouth when Future Steve asks about his music. Steve's stomach sours at the way Eddie unconsciously sways into Future Steve's space during their conversation. He tries not to gag at how his future self's eyes glimmer with mirth at Eddie's antics.

Steve hates everything.

Eventually between the kid nerd brigade and the grown up nerd brigade, some sort of contraption is cobbled together that should send Future Steve back. Not that Future Steve or Eddie seem to notice, too wrapped up in each other. Has Steve mentioned he hates everything?

The lead scientist, the one Steve thinks his future self recognized, finishes calibrating the contraption with a pleased grin. She then turns to where Eddie and Future Steve are talking.

"Mr. Munson," she calls. Both Eddie and Future Steve turn around.

"Yeah?" they respond simultaneously. Future Steve freezes. The scientist chuckles.

"Apologies, I meant Steve Munson. Are you ready to go home?"

Steve is pretty sure his heart stopped in his chest. Eddie is gaping at Future Steve.

"Wait," Dustin says. "What?? Did you--Steve MUNSON?"

Future Steve smiles sheepishly. "Uh...I'd say I can explain, but I'm not sure if I should? You know. With the timeline and everything."

Dustin is running his mouth but Steve is absorbing none of it. He looks over to Eddie who looks as stunned as he feels. Steve goes and grabs his future self.

"Fuck the timeline," Steve chokes out past the lump in his throat. He grips Future Steve's arm desperately. "Are we--?" His voice cracks. "We're not alone? In the future? We're m-married?"

Future Steve softens. He places a firm hand on Steve's shoulder. "I know you won't believe this right now. I remember how I felt at this age. But yeah. We find someone who love us as much as we loved Nancy. We get married. He's our whole world, Steve."

Steve swallows. "...Eddie?" Future Steve nods and Steve takes a shaky breath. "He loves us back?"

"I know, right? I still don't know how we got so lucky."

Later, after Future Steve has gone back where he belongs (with his husband, Steve thinks in a daze), Eddie shows up on his doorstep. Steve lets him in and they stand there together in silence for a while. Eddie breaks first, tugging his hair over his mouth again.

"I never thought I'd get married," he says hesitantly. "I told myself it was because I didn't want to; forced conformity is bullshit, yeah? But that was a lie.

I mean forced conformity IS bullshit but I secretly thought being married would be...nice." Eddie's breath hitches. "To have someone in your corner. Someone who saw you and said yeah, that's the person I want to keep forever."

Steve reaches over and grabs Eddie's hand from where it's started to tug painfully at his curls. "I want to be in your corner." He doesn't say he wants to keep him forever, but he's pretty sure his expression betrays him if Eddie's quivering smile is anything to go by.

"Yeah, I'm getting that," he leans forward, resting his forehead on Steve's collar. Eddie sucks in a shaky breath. "Queers don't get married though. Queers get hunted down and murdered, Steve."

"Yeah, I know," he presses his cheek against Eddie's mop of curls. "Future me said we have to be careful. Patient. It'll be years and years, but someday we'll be able to, like, hold hands right out in the open and shit. We'd be able to marry. If you think you can be with me for that long, I'll make it happen, Eddie."

"You havent even asked me out for real yet," Eddie whines against Steve's shoulder. "Where's that charm? I may be a poor boy but I deserve to be wooed."

Steve barks out a surprised laugh.

"The drive in is doing a double feature this Friday, what do you think?"

Eddie pulls back with an exaggerated sigh.

"If that's the best you can do--"

"Hey!"

"--then I guess it's a start. But I'm expecting something fancy for a second date. I'm a girl with refined taste, you know."

"Confident about getting a second date already?"

"Mmhmm. I have it on good authority that this is gonna go for the long run, Stevie boy."

[petersbaby]

I’m kinda fucked up rn, I’m posting this anyways because I know my Gareth girlies are out there and I love you guys

7 minutes to forever - Gareth Emerson x Reader

HE IS AGED UP TO 18

Warnings: Gareth is a virgin, boner talk, male masturbation, smut, first time sex, mutual pining, awkwardness, I don’t like talking about condoms they gross me out but I tried to use one for once

-

It was a small party of sorts at Steve’s house, and of course Eddie was going to be there because that’s his boyfriend.

Eddie tried to invite all the people from the club, so his friends can meet Steve and Steve’s friends, hoping everyone could kind of merge and coexist but you and Gareth were the only two to show up out of the group.

The rest were just a few of Steve and Eddie’s mutual friends, including Robin. Lately, Eddie’s been on your ass about a certain something and he sees it as some sort of sign that you and Gareth both came.

“It’s been way too long. Just go fucking tell him.” Eddie begs you.

“Tell him fucking what, exactly??”

“That you literally want to fuck him. Have you seen this dude? Zero chance he’ll reject you. He’s such a virgin he’d probably cream his pants just from you speaking to him.”

“Eddie, EW.”

“I’m just saying.”

“That’s just it, I don’t wanna like… fucking corrupt him.”

“He wants you to corrupt him.”

“What??”

“Yep.” He shrugs. “He wants you too, it’s so PAINFULLY obvious to everyone except you guys. We’re all tired of hearing about it.” He gestures to the rest of your shared friends.

“No, I- I don’t believe you. He doesn’t like me, that’s why I haven’t fucking said anything.” You whisper, now.

“Alright.” Eddie announces a little louder than he needs to be, and gets up. He grabs your wrist and starts pulling you.

“No, no, no. Eddie, stop, I’m so serious.”

And now you were standing in front of him.

“Gareth, here. Talk to her.”

You start to try and run the other way, away from this confrontational situation, but Eddie catches you.

“Jesus Christ, it’s like taking care of literal children. If you won’t say it, I will. Y/N, Gareth has a huge crush on you. Gareth, Y/N is practically obsessed with you, won’t shut up about how cute you are.”

You put your head in your hands.

“There, I said it, now be normal human beings.” He says, patting you both on the shoulder and walking away, leaving just the two of you standing near the kitchen while everyone else was in the living room, in another world.

“I’m sorry. About him, uh, yeah. I don’t know why he did that.” You say quietly, looking at the ground.

“Was that true?”

“Maybe.”

“That’s a relief. I don’t think either of us were gonna say something.”

“Yeah, probably not.” You laugh.

-

“Okay, so we’re locked in here.” You sigh.

“Yeah..” he agrees.

Eddie basically shoved you two into a hall closet, yelling about “seven minutes in heaven,” which was a stupid game thing you thought only middle schoolers did. You protested, but he was very insistent, and you gave up. He was just fucking with you two, being extra mischievous tonight for some reason.

“You know you don’t have to listen to him, right? You don’t need to do anything, you know, sexually. It’s perfectly fine to not want to.”

“I- well, I want to.”

“Why don’t you then?”

“Don’t know. Nervous, I guess. Just really nervous.”

“Would it help if I made the first move?”

He nods.

You lean in quickly after that to press your lips against his. Even though he knew it was coming, it still shocked him, enough to jump a little a draw back.

“No? It’s okay.” You try to reassure him despite all the mixed signals you were getting from this boy.

“Yes. Please. I’m sorry about that.”

“You do it then. I know you can.” You smile.

This time he leans in, despite his anxiety screaming in his brain. It’s sweet, so sweet, and his lips are soft and gentle. You reach up to rest your hand on the side of his face, lightly rubbing your thumb against his cheek while you kiss him.

His hands find your waist and rest there while you try to let him lead so you don’t overwhelm him. But soon, he suddenly pushes you against the wall. Not too rough but not as gentle as he had been, but you liked it either way, draping your arms over his shoulders.

This was something you’d always wanted, to kiss him, and you never thought it would happen in a million years. You thought he probably thought of you as just one of the guys, but apparently he didn’t. He adored you, but he’d never say that to you out loud.

You make out with him to the point you almost can’t breathe but couldn’t bare breaking the kiss to get air. You fingers tangled in his soft, curly hair, accidentally pulling it a little forgetting that to some people that just hurts. He didn’t say anything, though, and you just continued running your fingers through his locks at the back of his head.

“Seven minutes are up!!” Eddie calls, walking towards the closet to free you.

“Shit, um..” Gareth looks down, which was a mistake because it made you look down too.

“Oh.”

He got a boner just from kissing you, but now that your time is up, he doesn’t know what to do.

“Sorry.” You whispered.

“It’s not your fault.” He laughed a little.

“So, what’d you two get up to in here?” Eddie asks, after swinging the door open. Gareth moves quickly past him and into the bathroom as swiftly as he can.

“You can’t just put people in closets, Eddie.”

“I did, though, so yeah. I can. Please tell me you at least kissed.”

“That is SO none of your business.”

“I’ll take that as a yes. Finally.” He exclaims the last word. You walk back with him to where everyone was gathered in the living room and once you sat down, you started daydreaming about what Gareth’s doing in there. You know what he’s doing, realistically, but you couldn’t stop imagining it.

In the bathroom, he stands in front of the sink with his dick in his hand, desperately fucking his fist just needing to get this out of his system. Instead of having to see his reflection in the mirror in front of him, he shut his eyes and thought of you.

God, all the things he wanted to do with you, to do to you. But just then, the way you kissed him deep, the way your fingers tangled in and pulled on his hair, the way he had you up against the wall. He finishes quickly thanks to these thoughts and mental images, release spurting out into the sink and the last bit of it dripping onto his hand.

He tries to catch his breath, washing his hands and cleaning up his mess, then looked at himself. He fixed his hair to look as normal as possible, cooled off, and went back to join everyone.

“Where the hell have you been?” Steve asks, only just noticing the boy’s absence.

“I had to use the bathroom, okay?” He answers defensively.

“Okay, jeez.” Steve said, raising his hands.

Gareth finds that his previous seat had been taken, and looks around nervously. You lock eyes with him and pat the place beside you on the couch. He smiles shyly and comes to sit.

As you all watched the movie, and no one was paying attention, you grabbed his hand and held it in yours, scooting closer. You leaned your head to rest on his shoulder, and he smiled secretly.

He made you feel all warm and happy on the inside, just like the perfect boy. That night really solidified your feelings for him, and you hope it did to him too. You thought about him a lot. Were you on his mind too?

-

Well, maybe tonight you could find out. DND was done and a couple of people were going back to Eddie’s for some beers or whatever alcohol his uncle had around. It was a Friday, after all.

When you got dropped off, it looked like everyone was already there. That meant he was too. He didn’t have a car, so he had to have ridden with somebody. Why did you have butterflies in your stomach at the thought of going into Eddie’s trailer? Since when is that a big deal?

You pushed it aside, the nervousness, and stepped in anyway.

“HEY, look who’s here. Thought you weren’t coming for a while there.” Eddie says.

“Sorry, I had to go home and change and everything, you know..”

“Alright, so… drinks. We’ve got two options. You ready?”

“So excited.” You say sarcastically.

“Beer or vodka.”

“Oh, god. Terrible. They’re both terrible. A beer, I guess.”

He laughs and gets you one. You head into the living room again where everyone is, taking a sip of the shitty and not very cold beer.

The couch is full so you take a seat on the floor, it looked like they were all passing a joint around. When it comes to you, you decline, giving it to the next person. The next person was Gareth, who also declined.

“You guys are total losers.” Eddie said, calling you out for not participating.

“I’m not a loser, I just don’t wanna be high.” Gareth says defensively.

“Yeah, me neither. Realistically, I don’t even want this beer. It’s gross, Eddie.”

“Well when none of us are 21 yet, you take what you can get.”

-

“I’m tired of sitting on the floor. Can me and Gare go hang out in your room?”

“Go have fun, you crazy kids. We’ll be in here, watching TV and talking VERY loudly.” Eddie wiggles his eyebrows at you.

“Whatever.” You roll your eyes, walking back to Eddie’s bedroom while Gareth follows and shuts the door behind him.

“Listen, I’m not trying to push anything on you. I didn’t want time alone to do that stuff, I just wanted to spend time with you.” You say, sitting down on the bed.

“Yeah, okay. I wanna spend time with you too.” He laughs. So cute.

“Cuddle?”

He laughs, blushing a little. “Sure.”

You lay down together, becoming intertwined, resting your head on his chest. You stay that way for a while, you could’ve stayed that way forever.

“Hey,” he says after about 15 minutes, and you lift up, resting on your elbow.

“Hm?”

“Can I kiss you again?”

“Of course.”

His lips come to meet yours and they melt together, and suddenly so do your bodies. They press against each other, radiating heat and warmth. He wants more, he wants more so bad, but he doesn’t want to push it and he also just doesn’t know how to ask. His hand is on your waist again, hovering slightly.

“Could I- would it be okay if-“ he starts.

“Gareth?”

“Yeah?” He asks anxiously.

“You can do literally whatever you want to me.” You assure him.

“Jesus Christ.”

Immediately hard as a rock, immediately entranced. It was true, in your defense, you liked him *so* much,

“I mean it.” You whisper.

His hand starts to move, ending up on your ass, squeezing tightly. It also pulled you impossibly closer to him, bodies pressed together. You put your hand on his face again, holding it sweetly but firmly while you kiss.

Your tongues explored each other’s mouths again, more familiar this time, and his hand moves up to squeeze one of your tits while the other arm props him up on his side. He needed more than this, he needed to feel your skin.

He slipped his hand into your sweater from the bottom, moving up until he felt your bare breast which he wasn’t fully expecting. He thought you were wearing something, anything underneath but you weren’t.

His cool fingers run over your hard nipples, making you gasp a bit, and so he goes farther and pinches one of them which makes you squeak in surprise. He just continued to feel your torso, hands running all over your stomach and chest and hips and tits.

You reached for the bottom hem of the sweater and pulled it off over your head, letting him be able to see what he’s doing, and his eyes grew wide as saucers. His eyes wandered shamelessly, curiously, all over, nearly burning a hole in you.

“You… you like them?” You ask, giggling a little bit. He was so beyond fascinated and you could see that.

“Yes, holy shit, yes.” He responds almost under his breath.

“Gare?”

“Hm?”

You take some of his soft locks in your hand and guide him down, wanting him to try sucking on or licking your nipples. He does, latching on quickly, expertly.

You start to melt now, holding onto his hair while you moan quietly. He climbs on top of you and brings his mouth to the other nipple, giving it the same attention. He gets the idea to move up to your neck, and starts kissing there.

This is where you totally fall apart, your weakness. Your noises encourage him to kiss your neck with more passion and fervor and you can feel his erection pressed against your thigh.

You reach down to grab onto it, palm it, and he sucks a particularly harsh mark onto your neck in the sweet spot when you do. You’ll definitely have a bruise, but you don’t mind at all.

“Fuck,” he breathes into your shoulder, stopped for a moment.

“You okay?” You check in, pushing him up so you can look him in the eyes.

“Think I’m just… god, I’m nervous. That’s so embarrassing.”

“No, that’s okay.” You reassure. “What do you want?”

He burns red. He’s not gonna be able to say it out loud himself.

“Do you want to have sex? Be honest.”

“Yes.”

“Good, because I do too. But Gare, we can stop at any moment. Just tell me, okay?”

“Okay.” He breathes.

You reach down to untie the strings on the waistband of your sweatpants and pull them off your body, leaving you in pink panties in front of him.

You feel him staring again, at the sight of you anxiously squeezing your legs together and waiting for him to make the next move.

You were so turned on it was unbelievable, with him have not even touched you there yet. You were sure you were soaking. He fumbles with his button and zipper, looking behind him.

“Yes, the door’s locked.”

“Oh. Good.” He half-laughed, because that is indeed what he was checking for. He takes his pants off and climbs back on top of you, only in his t shirt and boxers now.

He slots himself between your legs after you happily spread them for him. You could feel his cock so much better now, rock solid and a really nice size. He ruts his hips up against you, only the barriers of your respective underwear blocking the way.

He buries his face between your shoulder and neck, kissing on it again, and his hard cock continually presses against your cunt. You accidentally moan, a moan too loud for the situation, but you just have to hope no one heard it because you couldn’t help it.

“Shh,” he soothes, covering your mouth with his.

“Sorry,” you whisper, into the kiss, smiling. You can feel him smiling too.

“Should- can- what should we…”

“It’s up to you, remember? Whatever you want, however you wanna do it.” You remind him, trying to give him some confidence.

“Right. Can I take these off, then?” He asks, slipping his finger into the waistband of your panties.

“Yes, please do.”

You didn’t want to come off as desperate and impatient, but you were growing to be. It wasn’t his fault, though, you had to remind yourself he’s never done this before. He does, pulling the fabric down your legs and leaving you bare. Quickly after that, he pulls his own underwear off.

“I’m really wet, so whenever you’re ready, I’m ready.”

“Oh, shit, okay. Wait, don’t we need a condom?”

“Eddie should have some, if you want.”

You didn’t need one, being on birth control, but you wanted to do whatever made him more comfortable. He digs around in the nightstand and quickly finds some, taking one and putting it on.

“Okay.” He repeats, finally ready. You smile as if to tell him ‘go ahead’. You immediately learn that he isn’t familiar with easing into it, as he fills you up completely right away. This made you gasp, but luckily not too loud.

“Ohh, fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck.” He groans.

“So good, you feel so good. Start moving, baby boy.”

That slipped out. That did slip out but he did not seem to mind the pet name at all, only listening to what you said and starting to thrust in and out.

You bite down on your bottom lip to keep quiet, only letting whimpers and soft moans out every now and then. You looked him in the eyes longingly, even though he was right there, and you felt yourself starting to love him in that moment.

He lets his dominant hand roam up to your throat, only to rest there. Thinking. You nod, reading his mind, answering his silent question and he squeezes gently. Soft but intoxicating. He continues to choke you with his big hand wrapped around your neck and leans down to kiss you again.

He finds a rhythm he likes, and starts to fuck you with more confidence. He wasn’t the biggest you’d ever had, but he still stretched you out and reached pretty deep inside.

Amazingly full of him, you still keep your noises quiet as much as you can. You couldn’t believe it, Gareth, you and Gareth were having sex. If the you from a month ago heard that, she would say “no fucking way.” But here you were. He wasn’t being super vocal, so you only hoped he felt good too. Damn, it would be nice to hear him though.

“Still okay?” You ask.

“The best.” He replies, and you smile.

He moves his hand from your throat back to fondling your breast, other one holding up his body weight over you.

He ends up getting quite aggressive while chasing his high, slamming into you quickly and filling the room with the sounds of sex. You think back to what Eddie said about watching TV and talking loudly and you stop worrying about that.

You were close, walls fluttering around him, but you knew you most likely wouldn’t get to finish. You’d just do it yourself later when you got home. The memory of this will be more than enough to masturbate to for a really long time, you think.

Coincidentally, he starts getting sloppy, thrusting haphazardly and clearly searching for something. Determined, he soon found it, cock twitching inside of you as he filled the condom and let out a long string of curse words and groans when he came.

He once again leant forward, resting his head on your shoulder for a moment. Neither of you wanted to move, and the pressure of him on top of you was so comforting, but eventually he had to.

-

Once all was done, you lay together, just as you had started out.

“Do you… like, actually like me?” He asks, head turning to you.

“No shit, Gareth. Yes, I like you.” You say sarcastically. You hope it didn’t come out mean. Thankfully it didn’t, because he laughed.

“So, you can totally tell me to fuck off if this is stupid, but… do you want to be together? You and me? Or is that stupid-“

You shut him up with a kiss, because he would’ve rambled on forever and you already had the answer.

“Yes. I’d like that.” You smile.

“Oh, okay. Cool, cool.” He laughs, feeling a huge weight off his shoulders. You melt into his arms, but you get interrupted when he suddenly realizes something.

“Oh, shit. I’m terrible.” He says, out of nowhere.

“You are not. Why?”

“You were supposed to… finish….too. You didn’t- I did something wrong.” He says, covering his face with his hands.

“I don’t care about that. It’s okay, I promise. If it bothers you that much, you can next time. I’ll help you.”

“Next time…” he repeats idly.

“Yeah? I just kinda assumed there’d be a next time..”

“Yes. No, you’re right, there will be. I just liked the sound of that.”

[eddieswh0r]

Hiii!

I was wanting to request a fic where eddie and femreader! are best friends and roommates, eddie is in love with her but is too afraid to tell her in case it ruins things and she doesn't feel the same. so he naturally is quite jealous when he sees her with other guys, but what he doesnt know is reader feels the same way about him. one day eddie was meant to be at band practice all day but it finished early as gareth got sick, so eddie comes home and he walks by readers room and all he hears his her making sll sorts of moans and groans, and the door is open just a little so he can see her touching herself but she also is moaning his name. maybe he walks in or she sees him either way it could end up with some sex and a confession maybe?

let's get back into it with a smutty slow burner? 😉

'Best Friends Lend a Hand'

"Y/n, c'mon. Really? He's stood outside like he's taking you to fuckin' prom" peeking through the blinds that were being held open with a thumb and index finger, just enough to see down onto the street below, Eddie stifled his laughter "Look at him, he's got a fucking flower on his blazer. Wait.. Wait.. There's not even a button hole. It's just pinned on man.. No, stop it. Wait. Is that fucking sticky tape?" The curly haired metal head threw himself back down onto the sofa, holding his stomach as he erupted into fits of roaring laughter.

"You really need to stop calling it sticky tape Eddie, you're 24 and let me guess, you'd turn up on a date in a raggedy pair of jeans and your battle vest?" with a peek through the blinds yourself, your eyes widened. A short man who looked a little older than 25 like you'd been previously told and yes, as plain as day there was a wilted flower stuck to his blazer with the so-called 'sticky tape' attaching it.

"I'm so gonna get Harrington back for this." grabbing your bag off the arm of the sofa you pointed an outstretched finger at Eddie with narrowed eyes "You too!! you're both gonna pay so fuckin' bad for this!" with a slam of the door behind you, you lingered on the stairwell for a moment then sloped off to meet the blind date. The fucking horrible idea Harrington had concocted because he just wanted you to shut the fuck up about the lack of touch you so badly wanted. The few previous dates you'd been on were ok, nothing to write home about, there was no spark, they weren't thrilling, they weren't Eddie.

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"Yeah man, she left about twenty minutes ago - ish and she did NOT look happy" passing Steve a beer Eddie leant his hip on the kitchen counter "..We're gonna pay for this, she insisted on it actually. 'You're gonna pay so fuckin' bad'" mimicking your voice in a high pitched tone he laughed taking a big gulp from the cold bottle.

"You can fuck right off Munson if you think she's getting me back for this as well. I was doing alright, firing out the best people i knew for these dates. You.. You picked this one, who the fuck is this man?"

"Michael, you remember him right? few years older than us, his brother Tommy was in Robins science classes"

"MICHAEL? MICHAEL COOPER? Eddie he's at least 30 now. A few years older? Jesus CHRIST. She's gonna go mental. How did you even ask him?

"Saw him in the 7-Eleven parking lot"

Eddie knew what he was doing though, he wasn't just being a prick to his roommate, his best friend of 20 years for no reason. Seeing Steve organize all these dates for you and watching you go off with the jock looking buff boys made Eddies insides twist. 20 years is a hell of a long time to be crushing hard on someone right? But from the age of 4, you and Eddie had been completely inseparable. Kindergarten, first school, middle, high, college, work, roommates, the full lot, together. So let's be honest a crush for 20 years? No. That boy was completely in love with you but he'd never tell you. No way. But you wouldn't tell him either, he'd never know you felt the same, fuck he could never know. Ever.

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"I swear Eddie that date was traumatizing, you and Steve are in for it, just you wait. I don't mind an older man but 30 and already balding? You're both assholes for that" placing your cereal bowl in the sink you frowned crossing your arms, the previous events from last night whirling around in your head making you cringe. Pulling on his trainers Eddie hid the smirk that spread across his face as you told him all about the disastrous date.

"So lemme get this right, the sticky tape fell off and the flower fell riiiight into his soup?"

"Eddie i was so embarrassed, he was speaking so loud and people were staring and.. and then.. he fucking ate the flower swimming round in his soup, i wanted to die" slumping down into the sofa you looked over toward Eddie who was now chuckling to himself. God, if only the man who was stood in front of you would take you on a date.

"Wait.. Where you going anyway? I thought we had a movie marathon planned?" he better not be blowing you off for a date you thought, he did that once before and it didn't end well. You didn't speak to him for days and he did a bit too much groveling after that.

"Corroded Coffin rehearsal sweetheart, fuck. I thought i told you?" Grabbing his keys off the side, he looked at you with his big ol' puppy dog eyes "I'll make it up to you, i promise.. i gotta go"

"Asshole"

Eddie swung the door open and glanced back to you "Laters princess" flashing his teeth with a grin and finishing with a wink.

Fuuuck. If only he knew what those simple words did to you. That knot in your stomach tightened.

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Hey, Doc! we better back up.

We don't have enough roads to get up to 88.

Roads?

Where we're going we don't need no roads.

"I will never get tired of that film" pressing the off button on the remote you sighed happily. You'd taken yourself to bed and curled up in your covers to watch yours and Eddies favorite film, even though he'd ditched you for band practice. The smell of his cologne wafted up to your nostrils from his band tee you wore. It's not like it was unusual for you to wear one of his t-shirts, in fact, it was more unusual for you not to be wearing one.

Boredom took over. The apartment was relatively clean, the laundry was done and you'd already picked at snacks throughout the film.

16:27 flashed on your alarm clock, Eddie had been gone for hours and he'd probably be gone a few more. Resting your hand on your stomach you tore your stare away from your ceiling toward your nightstand. A photo of you and Eddie from 2 years prior. Nancy had suggested a walk which sounded like a good idea at the time but it was a cold autumn morning and Steve did absolutely nothing but complain about the temperature the whole time. Nancy had bought her camera with her and caught the exact moment Eddie threw a big pile of golden orange and yellow leaves at you, he had his head thrown back laughing while the leaves fell around you. So as grumpy as you looked it was developed and placed in a frame for your 22nd birthday.

God, you were so in love with him. His hair, eyes, smile, neck, the dip in his chest, down towards his toned stomach which had his little trail leading towards.. towards..

"Mmm, fuck." your hand had found itself tucked inside your thin cotton panties, your finger drawing circles around what was now a wet pulsing bud of nerves as you thought about your best friend, the best friend you were absolutely madly in love with.

Closing your eyes and tilting your head back you slipped a second finger and applied more pressure wishing it was Eddie that was taking care of you, making you feel good.

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Placing his keys on the small table next to the door Eddie scanned his eyes around the living room searching for you but nothing, he thought that you'd probably gone out to meet Nancy. He'd come back much earlier than expected, Gareth wasn't feeling great so they decided to call it a day.

"Oh Eddie."

His gaze quickly turned towards your bedroom door, faint squeaks and mewls coming from inside. Eddie gingerly made his way closer to the door, the faint orange hum of light from the bedside lamp shining through the slight crack of where it was left open.

"Feels so good, Eddie"

Hearing his name a second time he peeped one eye through the ajar door, eyes widening at what he could see in front of him. Sprawled on your bed with the covers no longer on you and Eddies tee bunched up just above your chest, one hand in your panties and the other caressing your breast with your hard, sensitive nipple rolling between your finger and thumb, your back arching every time you went a little faster. Eddie automatically palmed his now painfully hard erection through his jeans. Should he be doing this? This is wrong, that's my best friend he thought to himself but another moan of his name from your lips stopped that thought abruptly. He watched you gather your own slick on your index and middle finger letting your legs fall to the side and giving him a very clear view of what he wanted needed so bad, slowly sliding your fingers into your aching cunt a moan dragged from your throat which made Eddies breath hitch and palm his erection faster.

Eddie couldn't take it any longer, watching you take care of yourself like this, he needed to help. He needed to take care of you himself.

"Need a hand sweetheart?" gently pushing your bedroom door open his eyes darkened with want as he took a slow pace towards the end of your bed. You stopped what you were doing, you weren't nervous or even embarrassed. Looking up at him with big doe eyes you gave a simple nod and that was more than enough for him. Eddie walked round to the side of your bed while unfastening his belt, letting his jeans fall down to his ankles, followed by his boxers. Your eyes widened as his hard dick slapped against his stomach on release. Holy fuck he was gifted.

"I'm gonna take care of you now, 'kay? Just relax baby. M'gonna make you feel so good" Eddie climbed on top of you, pushing your legs apart with his knees. Nuzzling his way into your neck his teeth nipped at your skin, grazing down to your collarbone. You watched his every move not wanting to miss his perfect fucking face making its way over your torso.

"You miss me princess?" his voice muffled as his mouth enveloped around your nipple, the connection rapidly sending your hands to his mass of curly hair with a soft moan flowing from your lips, Eddie pinched your nipple between his teeth as he dragged a hand across your thigh, gripping the inside. Letting your nipple go from his mouth with a pop he gave you the biggest shit-eating grin you've ever seen.

"I’ll take that as a yes?" Taking his bottom lip between his teeth he edged down toward the end of the bed, hooking his arms under your knees, pulling you towards him.

“Eddie, wait!!” You called, Eddie let go of your legs in a panic, you watched his face drop as you knew every kind of thought would be running through his head.

“I don’t think it’s fair Eddie” you pouted your lips, dropping your head ever so slightly

“W-we can stop? If that’s what you want princess? We don’t have to do this, I don’t wanna ruin our friendship”

“Well.. I just kinda mean.. like.. you still have your top on” it was your turn to wear the shit-eating grin now and watch the relief wash over Eddies face. In a flash he removed his top and flung it over to the side. His toned body in all its glory, right there in front of you, begging to be touched, every single part of it, you wanted to cover with your lips.

“Is that what you wanted, Sweetheart? Is that better now?” A breath you didn’t know you were holding escaped and Eddie leaned forward and pushed his lips on yours, snapping you from your stare. Slow, wet kisses at first switched on what felt like lightening dancing in your stomach which quickly turned to messy, open-mouthed kisses, tongues circling in unison, trying to find each other at every opportunity. Eddie pulled away breathless, leaving nothing but a string of saliva between you. Sitting up he resumed his position and hooked his arms under your legs pulling you closer. You bit your bottom lip in arousal and anticipation as Eddie looked down at you giving you a quick nod and the most beautiful smile, you nod back confirming the go ahead and be didn’t hesitate.

“Just relax sweetheart, if you wanna stop.. tell me.. ‘Kay?” He slowly pressed against your soaking wet opening with the tip of his dick, rubbing up and down gathering your wetness on his end.

“Oh f-fuck, you’re fuckin’..” cutting himself off from his own sentence he slipped inside of you, feeling your gummy walls clench around his length almost immediately. Your head threw back and a moan of his name left your lips pronto.

“Jesus fucking Christ, Eddie” gripping the sheets and throwing your head back at the bliss. Eddie pushed in to the hilt and picked up a pace rather quickly which earned groans from his direction.

“Sweetheart, you’ve no idea how long I’ve wanted this”

“Eddie, shut up and fuck me” you giggled breathless. Deep and hard, faster and faster. The fire in your stomach was unbearable and the taste of sweet release was moments away.

“Eddie. I- I’m gonna..”

“Cum for me, there’s a good girl.” Those words tipped you over the fuckin edge, as you clenched your walls around him waves of euphoria washed over you, knuckles turning white from the sheets in your grasp, your mouth hung open but no sound was audible. Your body shook as your reached your ultimate high.

“There it is, fuck. Such a good girl for me” Eddie praised as he reached his own high, burying his warm seed deep inside you. Your name and curses rolling off his tongue.

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What felt like hours passed and somehow the covers had found their way onto you both, Eddies arms wrapped around you and your head on his chest while it gently rose and fell with every breath. You didn’t know what was to happen next only that you both didn’t want this to end, you and Eddie had waited for this moment and no one was going to take it away. Your eyes slowly closed as tiredness took over as it did for Eddie.

“I love you, Sweetheart”

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Oh please I’ve been fucking working on this for months and the last few paras are SO fuckin rushed because it was just sitting in my drafts.

Love you all😩🥰

[ohwell-itsme-but-danganronpa]

[NSFW AU prompt] Bunny Prince Ouma and His Guard Saihara

Apollo: Thought of two more royal aus Either Prince Shuichi x Personal Assistant (or really any servant) Kokichi Or Bratty Prince Kokichi x Personal Guard fed up with his shit Shuichi

[I asked about the first one, but literally everyone else picked the second, and I am glad we went with it]

Apollo: I read a story for a different fandom ages ago where the guard got so fed up that in the middle of the night, they dragged the prince to the empty throne room and fucked him on his throne so whenever he had to sit in there, all he'd be able to think of is the time he got fucked by his secret boyfriend I think they were planning to marry once he became King or something

Bunny: see the thing is kokichi is not actually even close to a spoilt, utterly out-of-touch, silver spoon little princeling. but i am not thinking with my first head here okay put him in ruffles

Apollo: He's not out of touch but sometimes he acts like it and Shuichi has to put him back in his place because how the fuck are you meant to run a kingdom when you're acting like that?

Bunny: consider: he keeps running away to Shenanigan in the village near the castle and shuuichi has to chase him down i love when shuuichi grows enough of a spine to be someone's rock

Dra: Help he pretends to be a commoner,,

Bunny: he wears the silly vampire cloak all hooded and creeping thru the commoner alleyways

Apollo: He tries to act all innocent after running off so when they're alone in Kokichi's room, Shuichi spanks him as punishment before walking out to stand guard because he's not fucking Kokichi as part of the punishment

Hina: Is he out of touch or acting?

Bunny: see i think it would be interesting if he THOUGHT he wasn't out of touch he could also be adopted by the king and queen as a pr move, if you want to give him a more canon-adjacent backstory

Apollo: Yes. He's just some kid they adopted and he KNOWS it was nothing more than a PR stunt so screw it. He's gonna be a dick when possible then get dicked down by his sassy guard boyfriend

Bunny: adopt him as a pr move?? he'll be nice long enough to cement his place and then become a pr nightmare better get a personal guard to reign him in and keep him from shenaniganizing… sure that'll work……

Hina: What if they caught him stealing from the castle or SMTH? And they were just so generous and recognized a “soul in need” that they took him under their wing themselves

Bunny: i need shuuichi to say "your highness" in the most disrespectful way possible points if he's in front of the king and queen and saying it ostensibly respectfully but all kokichi can hear is the way he said it last night he knows he doesn't mean it squirming in his lil throne

Apollo: They ask if he's okay and he has to lie. Shuichi is just smirking because no one is looking at him anymore other than Kokichi. The only other people who know about them is DICE and the other staff. Kokichi is actively destroying any hope of his parents hooking him up with someone from another kingdom

Hina: Are they trying to marry him off

Bunny: how sex-positive is this kingdom? is kokichi's virginity cared about

Apollo: I mean a lot of kingdoms try to marry off their kids for stronger connections and shit so I think it'd be funny if Kokichi's ruining all of their attempts to he can stay with the hot guard I find both options hilarious. Either they want him 'pure' for when he eventually gets married or they don't care he's slept around as long as he behaves damn it!

Hina: Do they care about homosexual couples or nah?

Apollo: Nah they're chill with that if they weren't Kokichi would ruin them

Bunny: 'kokichi' and 'purity' in the same sentence are already so fucking funny but yeah i can go for some good Defilement™ just be SUBTLE about being a whore jesus christ STOP EYEING UP THAT DUKE YOU'RE EMBARRASSING US

Apollo: "Now honey we know you're…Exploring yourself but please try to behave." "Uh huh sure…Anyway, you reckon he'd be down to fuck?" "Kokichi!" "What? I'm just asking!"

Dra: Are we allowed to angst in here/hj

Bunny: chanting ASSASSINATION ATTEMPT, ASSASSINATION ATTEMPT, ASS-

Dra: I can't believe I'm bringing Islam here again but Fun fact when they tried to kill the prophet someone else slept in his bed and they almost cut his head off Saioucoded methinks

Bunny: maybe someone's a royal purist and mad he got adopted?

Apollo: Maki is the assassin which hurts because both Kokichi and Shuichi knew her growing up. Kokichi from the orphanage and Shuichi via Kaito. So now Shuichi is forced to fight one of his friends

Bunny: why did shuuichi get hired. how did he gain a reputation as a brat tamer

Hina: Remember how he wrestled an alligator?

Apollo: NEW IDEA: Kokichi's parents are Nagito and Hajime who are just pretending they don't know that their son is a fucking whore for his guard. They're supportive but are still trying to figure out a way to bring it up.

Bunny: awww but i wanted them to suck nagito and hajime would be actually decent parents how am i meant to cheer for their banishment like this the idea of them just. trying to figure out how to breach the subject is SO funny though

Hina: You see. I love the idea of Hajime fucking hating Shuichi in this context, so.

Apollo: Hajime being the dad to rant about Shuichi not getting permission to date let alone have sex with their son while Nagito is just sitting there like Isn't young love adorable?

Mauri: something something kokichi watching shuichi train and getting horny bc of how easily he could throw him across the room (but wouldn’t bc shuichi is a sweetheart) Apollo: YES! Kokichi keeps sneaking away from his lessons because god DAMN his boyfriend is hot and can do whatever the fuck he wants to him

Mauri: “your parents will have my head if anything happens to you, especially with your own guard-“ “shuichi beloved shut up and let me give YOU head”

Dra: How petty do we want Shu in this

Bunny: extremely wait, toward who?

Apollo: OKAY BUT NAGITO IS THE ROYAL BORN WHO DATED THE 'COMMONER' WHICH PISSED OFF HIS PARENTS AND THEY KEEP TRYING TO PRESSURE THE PAIR TO AT LEAST MARRY KOKICHI OFF TO SOMEONE OF 'DECENT' BLOOD AND THEY KEEP GOING TO HIM WITH PHOTOS OF PRINCESSES AND (EVENTUALLY) PRINCES BUT KOKICHI IS TURNING THEM ALL DOWN BECAUSE FUCK HIS HOMOPHOBIC CLASSEST GRANDPARENTS!

Mauri: ,,,can fantasy elements be introduced bc i want kokichi helping tenko woo the royal mage himiko [I cut out a portion when an arranged marriage was suggested between him and Tenko]

Dra: Can we creature the characters [pleading face emoji] just slightly Maybe not straight up critters but some small traits sjfjd

Apollo: Himiko is Kokichi's magic teacher and he spends the whole time trying to hook her up with Tenko

Bunny: THAT DOESN;T SPECIFY WHETHER I CAN PULL OUT THE BUNKICHI PARTY POPPER YET DRA /SILLY his ears flattened under the cloak hood,, shuuichi yanks it off and they just ! straight up

[ideas for Shuichi] Sini: Half elf? Dra: Pointy ears,,,, Sini: To match bf in a way Apollo: Kokichi keeps poking his ears so Shuichi just gently tugs on his Lulu: Shu high elf. Intense parental pressure to be confident and proper. <- doesn’t know what the conversation is about Dra: That or he should get a tail that can also drag Kokichi when wrapped around him/hj

Bunny: aww shuuichi can't drag kokichi around by his ear like this huh…sacrifices must be made for bnuy i suppose did we ever decide what DICE are to him?

Apollo: Ooooo what if Nagito brought all of them back with him after learning they knew Kokichi before he was adopted and brings them all to Hajime like Babe can we keep them? Look at them! They're adorable and Kichi's friends! [pleading face emoji]

Bunny: (hajime vc) YOU ALREADY GAVE ALL OUR ROOMS TO THOSE LITTLE CANDY-COLORED HEATHENS JUST BECAUSE WE LIVE IN A CASTLE DOESN'T MEAN WE HAVE INFINITE ORPHAN SPACE

Sini:Nagito stop adopting strays challenge

Apollo: Hajime loves his stupid husband but damn does he wish he had more impulse control

Bunny: the castle was so cold and quiet when he was young. never again it's full of laughing children now. if they steal all his food then that price must be paid sndsbjfgsf the kitchens are TERRORIZED they could just ask but they like theft. it's funny

Apollo: Kokichi hugs his parents and mumbles a thank you before running off to play with his friends (when they're not working at least the ones old enough. The only catch was they needed to work which none of them minded because it's easy and fun work)

Hina: Nagito’s parents like. “Y’all need an heir” and Nagito is like, “I’ve got twenty.”

Bunny: "they'll just bite each other for the crown. it's fine" "togami's parents did that i'm pretty sure" "they'll prove the strength of their hope" ok so that's the Lore established. what's the third act conflict and why is it grandpa and grandma hiring an assassin

Apollo: Can't deal with all the poors 'dirting' the castle and it started with the purple brat. If it weren't for him, they might have been able to convince Nagito to dump Hajime and find someone else (it wouldn't have worked) so now they want the twink gone

Bunny: psssst shuuichi i found a way for you to endear urself to the parents you may or may not have to get stabbed

Apollo: Want to know how to get the Kings to approve of you constantly fucking the Prince? Just get stabbed!

Bunny: okay but for real kokichi not moving an inch from his bedside,,,

Apollo: He starts arguing with whoever tries to get him leave and says they'll have to drag him kicking and screaming from the damn room if they want him out

Bunny: shuuichi's gonna drag him kicking and screaming when he wakes up cracks an eye open like hm i sense poor self care kokichi's fucked in more ways than one! he ties kokichi down and it's NOT EVEN SEXY. the BETRAYAL it's the best nap he's had in years though

Mauri: consider: shuichi gets stabbed and its the first time he's seen kokichi genuinely cry everyones worrying over kokichi bc assassination attempt and hes just screaming at everyone to help shuichi, dammit

Apollo: Nagito tries to pick him up to take him to safety but Kokichi is struggling and screaming that Shuichi needs help. Shuichi's the one in danger not him

Bunny: shuuichi would be [uno reverse emoji] were he not mostly unconscious at this point kokichi feels Cripplingly guilty for every time he's ever bothered shuuichi. if he weren't such a brat shuuichi wouldn't even have to be here

Mauri: hajime sends a reluctant kokichi out to talk w shuichi alone and shuichi is Panickign n then hajime gives him the most awkward blessing to court his son in history

Beez: kokichi not leaving shuichis side until he recovers. . .. . . augh

Bunny: bunny ears drooped all the way down :(((

Mauri: someone tries to get kokichi to leave and he does the thump

Bunny: you can't see his face bc it's buried in shuuichi's torso but if you even suggest leaving you hear a muffled thump

Apollo: He starts crying because he wants to hug Shuichi but he doesn't know how to without hurting him and what's worse is that Shuichi got hurt because of him

Mauri: the first thing shuichi does when he wakes up and is lucid is ask if kokichi is unhurt and kokichi just starts Sobbing

Bunny: SADDEST BNUY OF ALL TIME shuuichi gently scooting over so kokichi can wiggle into the hospital bed

Mauri: shuichi uses all his strength to provide ear scritches so kokichi will forgive him (kokichi forgave him a while ago hes just sad and needs physical comfort)

Bunny: back on the thumping. mikan is flashing back to every time she's heard a distant DON'T YOU THUMP AT ME from down the hall and Understanding YES!!! pet the boy tender kissies except shuuichi tastes SO FUCKING BAD from not brushing his teeth for several days oops

Mauri: baby bunkichi where hajime tries to give him carrots and nagito just does the most offended horrified gasp bc THOSE ARENT GOOD FOR THE BABY

Bunny: baby bunkichi seeing some bright colorful candy, eating it immediately, and getting sick bc it turned out to have gelatin in it

Hina: How did Kokichi become bunny

Bunny: beastfolk just Exist in this world and he's adopted remember

Apollo: Hajime being clueless is so hilarious. He wasn't prepared for kids and now he has a hybrid for one. He's so confused but he's trying

Bunny: nagito bans all non-vegetarian candy from the castle FOREVER tiny kokichi wailing like he's DYING from a tummyache nagito is this close to making gelatin ILLEGAL FOREVER it's less that he has an allergy and more than he literally can't digest it bc. yknow. herbivore

Mauri: derailing back to horny bc i just think tail scritches during sex

Bunny: kokichi doing these jerky excited little bunny thrusts that are not satisfying at All. shuuichi thinks he's adorable but he does grab his hips and make him slow down still

Beez: will never be over the fact that bunny tails r lengthy shuichi gives it a lil tug n it just stretches out n he goes [eyes but fast emoji]

Apollo: Okay but I adore when Shuichi has to slow Kokichi down and remind him that they have all the time in the world so there's no need to rush through anything

Mauri: kokichi bottoming and he gets too excited and starts thumping except hes basically just kicking shuichis back really hard

Bunny: counterpoint: shuuichi forcing him to go slow and steady and getting little angry thumps if he's edging his prince in the name of royal virtues like restraint and patience that's his business

Apollo: Hajime tells Kokichi he has to learn patience and Shuichi's like Bet

Bunny: the funniest part is that it works shuuichi gives him the Look and he gets so polite and patient all of a sudden

Apollo: Hajime just dies inside when he realises the guard he hired to protect Kokichi, basically trained him to be kind and obedient and there's only one way that could have happened

Bunny: shuuichi walks by with kokichi slung over his shoulder and hajime is just what have i done

Apollo: Nagito is just trying not to laugh because now that Hajime has given Shuichi the go ahead to court their son, everything is about to get worse

Bunny: a couple nights after shuuichi is hired as a guard, kokichi gives him the slip and runs down into the city. he's far from the first guard hajime has hired to keep him under control; he's confident shuuichi will either quit or be fired like all the rest. shuuichi tracks him down with ease, sneaks up behind him, and yanks his hood off, bc i still think his ears doing the ! is adorable. kokichi nervous-laughs - none of the guards have actually caught him before - and tries to charm his way out of it. shuuichi tells him firmly that he's going home, NOW. (kokichi discovers he may have a bit of a thing for authority). kokichi runs for it, and shuuichi gives chase. they're evenly matched at least in brains, and the race goes on for quite a while. (kokichi discovers he may have a bit of a thing for predator/prey). shuuichi slings him over his shoulder (kokichi discovers he may have a bit of a thing for strength) and carries him back to his rooms. (kokichi discovers he needs to lay the fuck down). (shuuichi discovers that Brat Prince Cute Oh Fuck) he is laying flat on his back on his big round prince bed trying to breathe normally

Hina: Is it just bunny ears and a tail he’s got or anything else?

Bunny: just ears and a tail, physically well that's not quite true i suppose a herbivorous digestive system counts as does a mildly rabbity brain/instincts but he hasn't got any other externally physical traits

Mauri: twitchy nose but that can be a regular human thing tbh

Apollo: He's just a flustered mess because holy shit not only did this guard catch him, he's hot as fuck and now Kokichi knows a lot more about himself than he thought he ever would Wait Don't rabbits go into heat or something?

Mauri: quietly holds up breeding kink

Me: yeag, finally something catering to me

Apollo: Hajime awkwardly warns Shuichi that during his heat, there's a chance Kokichi will try to run again but this time to find a partner…He's unaware that the two are already are fucking. Nagito already knows that the two got together. He hasn't told anyone. He just picked up on the looks so he tells his husband that he won't have to worry about him finding a stranger to fuck Shuichi didn't know he had a thing for breeding until a horny ass Kokichi begged him to

Mauri: would condoms have been invented in this time period

Me: irrelevant <3 cream pie time

Mauri: bc i can see nagito lecturing kokichi and shuichi on safe sex bc he wants to be a good responsible parent shuichi is Slowly Dying

Apollo: Nagito is explaining safe sex while Shuichi is sitting there pretending he didn't fuck his son that morning Kokichi, mid heat: Breed me damn it Shuichi: Oh fuck why am I so into that?

Bunny: shuuichi doesn't even have a dick (and wouldn't be able to impregnate kokichi if he did) but kokichi is. a lil stupid rn he's heatdrunk no one tell him that's a strap

Me: fuck it, this is a fantasy au with creatures, there are potions for it (probably ones that would have to be regularly consumed like how taking hormones works, but for Everything and Instant bc it's Magic)

Beez: himiko casts whatever the opposite of penis explosion is on him

Apollo: Himiko finding out Shuichi is trans: Skidaddle skidoodle your pussy is now a noodle!

Me: or that

Bunny: damn i LIKED the pussy /lh she magics his strap into connecting with his nerves, best of both worlds Me: we've all thought of detachable boobs before, now get ready for the sequel: detachable schlong, you know you want it, call now for a discount-

Apollo: Shuichi: Awkwardly trying to explain what happened Kokichi: So you have both now? Cool! Hajime: I saw Saihara down herre ealier…Everything okay? Himiko: Yeah he just wanted a spell to help with his junk when he fucks Kokichi Hajime: WHAT? Himiko: I mean he wanted a cleaning spell for when Kokichi drops something and fucks it up!!! Nagito just smiles because so helpful! while Hajime is trying not to cry because he did NOT need to hear that

Bunny: hajime is also trans nagito is having Scheming Thoughts

Apollo: Okay but Kokichi knows he can talk to Nagito about anything so when he's asked if the spell works, he says yes (naturally he doesn't go into detail about it) so Nagito now knows what he's getting Hajime for his birthday! Okay but Nagito's parents show up and at some point see Kokichi kissing Shuichi on the cheek (who lightly hit his ass for it) and rush of to report it to their son and Hajime just stares at them blankly and says Be glad that's all you saw. I walked in on them making out yesterday. He just doesn't care anymore As long as they don't fuck where he can see/hear it, he'll turn a blind eye

Kai: dexterous tails are underutilized in saiouma porn

Apollo: Kokichi would enjoy that a lot tbh

Me: Would he be demon-ish and leathery or furry like Kokichi? But tbh I just jump to tentacles when it comes to extra dexterous limbs Tail is good but they're more bunny prince and his bodyguard switch

Bunny: OKAY IM LISTENING

Me: https://www.tumblr.com/vespertin-y/730446928861626368?source=share you put the post on my dash

Bunny: I WASN'T THINKING ABOUT THEM

Me: and you're going to be held responisble we have to cook now

Bunny: shuuichi deserves to be taken care of too,,,, a relaxation day BY ROYAL DECREE [knife emoji]

Me: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2B5NkVqfIVo getting in the top Ouma mindset [LIZ - When I Rule the World] but also the post got me by thinking about devotion so I am not sure what direction to take it like I said, I love service-y, worship level devotion vibes, but in a service top Shu & demanding pillow princess Ko but with the whole vibe of this, I want to up this to 11, have a staright up dominant Kokichi? with the twist that I added the song for, it's a switch making a threat out of explaining what they'll do when they will "rule the world" (aka dominate)

Bunny: EITHER IS SO GOOD thinking about the first time shuuichi is healed enough for sex n kokichi taking care of him,,

Me: omg, like after the assassination attempt right? they go gentle for once nice and slow

Bunny: shuuichi goes to dominate him like usual and kokichi is just NO >:( LAY DOWN UR GETTING A MASSAGE YESSS…scar worship <333

Me: Kokichi can deal with a role reversal and pamper him a little, he earned it

Bunny: both of them did it just slowly devolves into lazy cuddlefucking,,

Me: Kokichi discovers that he actually enjoys being on the other side of servicing quite a lot, providing and caring tickles the same itch in his brain as the breeding kink bossy but in a "It's my turn to take care of you"

Bunny: it starts as just repayment but then he realizes he Likes it and it's nice to see shuuichi fall apart for once. he didn't realize he'd get so flustered sndsdsjbf local stoic guard melts into a puddle of goo over neck kisses

Me: (cw corny)"It's a ruler's responsibility to care for his people. Now let me give you your reward for serving the country" you know what would make this better? pregnancy (just kidding.. unless?)

Hina: How would you add that

Me: via cream pie?

Bunny: oh they're gonna be in so much trouble

Dra: Didn't they say Shu was afab dkfjd

Me: yeah, when it's Kokichi bottoming breeding is just a kink, when Shuichi is bottoming it's an option

Bunny: they wouldn't do it on PURPOSE at this point imo but. birth control fails sometimes! hinata trying to breach why kokichi's fave guard looks suspiciously round

Me: they keep it a secret?! not again what, is he matching with a horse? [inside joke, I might explain one day] just get quickly married so the child isn't born a bastard smh

Bunny: they're not SUPPOSED to get married class differences remember they'd have to fight for it

Me: love wins, the assassination was foiled, they can do what they want

Bunny: OHHHH yeah i forgot who hired the assassin oops SHOTGUN WEDDING TIME I GUESS shuuichi getting his suit tailored in an extremely suspicious way

Me: one day tho, one day the kid is going to do the math

Bunny: sorry ur parents are whores allister. it happens

Me: he's like: you said you wanted me [face holding back tears emoji] and one of them replies: planned and wanted is not the same

Bunny: does shuuichi stay as his guard after marriage?? he probably can't huh the other guards call him when they need someone to actually go get kokichi sndhbkshfg hello mr your majesty sir can you go get your husband he's bothering the kitchen again

Dra: Help they just mix words in there

Bunny: they're new okay theyre a lil nervous the other guards may be hazing them a little bit. it's fine

Me: Thinking of komahina reactions too They announce the engagement And Nagito is like "why so sudden?" Knowingly They say it's because of the assassination, their enemies are gone, something about realizing they could lose each other

Bunny: knowingly [sob emoji] i mean, that's not a lie

Dra: Yknow how the "I should've left you on that street corner where you were standing"

Bunny: butcha didn't BD and hinata just sighs

Dra: He did not and now they have a heir djfjd

Apollo: Kokichi 100% skips out on his duties to watch Shu train and then they make out and/or fuck in a hidden corner because Kokichi gets so turned on

Bunny: little bunny face peeking up over the training ground barriers [sob emoji] i need him to have a bunny nose. for my own mental health

Apollo: People quickly figure out he's there but never say anything because well he is the prince. Plus it makes Shu work harder to impress him

Bunny: kokichi, after seeing shuuichi decapitate a training dummy: CAN YOU DO THAT TO ME shuuichi's showing off now

Apollo: Kokichi's internally whispering Don't jerk off don't jerk off because he's gotten too horny

Bunny: just absolutely Dying seeing shuuichi's back muscles flex NSJDNSJFH

Apollo: It's a pain to his poor teachers because he skips out on his lessons to watch Shuichi then get fucked. They end up rescheduling to make sure he has the time free

Bunny: they've gotta reschedule around him being able to walk shuuichi's training opponent seeing bunny ears out of the corner of their eye and immediately knowing they're gonna Die

Apollo: They see him limping and sigh

Bunny: he fake cries until shuuichi agrees to carry him

Apollo: The idea of moving Kokichi's lessons to his room is quickly shut down because no one wants to go in there knowing the prince is either getting railed or is railing his boyfriend practically every night

Bunny: bold of them to think they can find a room where they haven;t fucked

Apollo: Exactly. They just like to pretend there's untouched areas Love how Kokichi's og disappearances were to escape his guard to go fuck around in town but now his disappearances are so he can fuck his guard

Bunny: he still disappears into town but it's partially so his guard will find him and fuck him

Apollo: "You can just ask" "I'm a bunny. I like the chase." "No you're just a whore." "Only for you babe."

Apollo: Once again thinking of Prince Kokichi and Guard Shuichi.

Imagine getting assigned to the Prince (nerve wracking enough) who's known to run away and piss off all his guards until they quit or do something that ends up getting them fired (or Kokichi might actually lies).

You're nervous, you chase him down when he escapes and all of a sudden, he starts trying to seduce you.

Is this a test? Is he trying to get you fired?

What are you meant to do? You accidently flirt back once and you get pulled aside by one of the Kings.

You think you're about to be fired. You failed somehow and now you're gonna be fired…But the King just says you're a good fit for his son and sends you on your way.

Like Kokichi is known to fuck with people and give them little 'tests' and has also flirted with his guards in the past so poor Shuichi is just screaming inside because he doesn't want to lose his job but Kokichi just wants to kiss him and maybe get fucked

Dra: Is that one of the reasons Shu was kinda cold/stoic at first djfjd

Apollo: Yeah. It's an important job to watch the Prince and others keep failing but god damn Kokichi is cute and flirting with him??? What's he meant to do?

He accidently calls him cute once and freaks out because Ko just bluescreens Kokichi meanwhile is annoyed because the hell is he meant to do? Just kiss him? Without consent? He tries to get it through Shu's thick skull by like feeling his arms and stuff and telling him how strong he is It's not working

He trips like a dumbass or something and Shuichi asks if he's okay only to get a I'd feel better with a kiss from you handsome and just doesn't know how to react He's trying his best and it's just not working

springbug: stoic/quiet guy getting flustered by little shit sunshine is my favorite trope and reading this au makes my heart happy

Me: I was thinking about them too, but the time period around when Allister is born, people in the castle start thinking it was a good thing, Kokichi seems to have mellowed out, became responsible and careful, but after a few months the fresh-baby phase that lowers horny hormones ends and the newfound mutuality of protectiveness saiou have now turns from a blessing to a boost effect on the nightmare that they returned to being they thought Kokichi was bad when all he thought about was getting fucked

he just enters a phase when he's so over-protective it's downright possessive, Shuichi has to make him calm down, tone it down, it was nice getting a little spoilt, but he can take care of himself he just got carried away with the whole thing, but Shuichi put his foot down and put Kokichi back in his place

it was escalating for a while tho, he was letting him at first, thinking that Kokichi can just get that anxious energy out, but he was only getting more intense about it, nearly losing Shuichi, and then the pregnancy, and then planning a wedding, and then birth (he was holding Shuichi's hand through it, and it's a shock he hasn't fainted, he was horrified), and it sinking in that they're parents, taking more responsibility, he just sinks really deep into the Protecting & Caring mindset, it's hard for him to let Shuichi do something on his own without hovering

and it gets bad enough for Shuichi to stop it at that point, because sex is a huge outlet for this & Kokichi latched onto that right away, but in their sex life this far Shuichi has been mostly dominant so he gets tired of this pretty quickly he doesn't mind Kokichi being clingy but being treated like glass in bed is where he draws the line

Ves: kokichi being anxiously overprotective is Good Stuff this saiou r just constantly bullying the other into selfcare huh kokichi bullied Too Hard and had to be bullied himself kokichi almost fainting during the birth [sob emoji] he was more scared than shuuichi fr

[days later] Me: art corner reminded me of the bunny prince au because Shuichi's easy temporary transitions with potions, and Kokichi's breeding kink bc he's a hybrid, and the genuine confusion just got me like Shuichi believed they could both be pregnant, and you know what? I want to believe too [it was a joke comic, Kokichi tried to tell Shuichi he's pregnant, and Shuichi went "I'm pregnant?"] tired: getting pregnant at the same time as your friend so the kids will become friends too wired: getting pregnant at the same time as your husband so you're experiencing everything together something something equal distribution of responsibilities in a relationship this is after Allister and their shotgun wedding and the whole mess is sorted out, they healed from the assassination attempt Shallot and Scallion time they talked about wanting a second kid & Kokichi maybe half-joked about it being his turn (he is into the idea. but doing it for real is… intimidating), so they have more in-depth conversation about pregnancy & when Shuichi talks about it, he doesn't omit how overbearing Kokichi became (he needs to keep on reminding him, it won't happen again) and basically after going over how different their experience & perspective on that time is brings them to the conclusion that it'd be best for them to experience it together this time, instead of just switching roles

Bunny: god help the castle servants there's Two Of Them now

Me: most of them are veterans atp, but imagine being new and not expecting anything like this on your new job cleaning the castle they're def more careful about privacy than when they were younger tho, cause Allister is running around

Bunny: how old is allister?

Me: a toddler ig? circa 3-4?

Bunny: and is it old enough to understand his dads' feet are too swollen to play with him - OH NO ye that's gonna result in some growing pains poor kiddo

Me: I just had him in mind little enough not to be too used to being a single child, just big enough to be running and not crawling so older than that is a no, bc 6yo is a mental only child apparently, and I want to avoid giving kid the angst about it as widely as possible

Bunny: i was two when my first brother was born and i asked my parents to send him back but allister's sweet, i think he'd get over the jealousy bump fast enough he's the type of kid to spend a really long time peering over the edge of the crib i think hes curious

Me: yeah, he's just ["many thought, head full" creature reaction image] his dads both think "he has it after me" he's looking with those big eyes it's a family trait (it's autism)

Bunny: they show him how to hold a bottle and he feels like it's Magic

Me: wait I just had the best idea I had in weeks the babies are going to inherit some of Kokichi's bunny traits

Bunny: INCREDIBLE BEAUTIFUL POWERFUL SHOWSTOPPING AMAZING- TINY ITTY BITTY BUNNY BABIES. IM GONNA EXPLODE AND DIE they're gonna be fucking terrors they can get away with anything-

Dra: Poor palace workers,, Saiou's pda was already horrible for them and now there are more of them

Bunny: god bless the kitchen workers

Dra: Are the kids picky [sob emoji]

Bunny: i imagine they're obligate vegetarians like their dad, so kinda - but i meant they're gonna be raiding the kitchen constantly do yall remember the triplets from brave

Beez: instead of bears theyre bnnuys

Dra: They get byunnier when given greens/silly

Apollo: Thinking again of Kings Hajime and Nagito being disappointed because instead of focusing on his lessons, their stupid bunny son is too busy fucking his personal guard.

Shuichi just feels awkward because yeah they're dating and all but please babe I think your dad is ready to explode because you skipped a math exam to suck my dick

Kokichi like always, does not care

springbug: nagito just sighs and tells them to be safe meanwhile hajime is staring off into space, questioning his entire existence

Apollo: He adopted this kid, hired his gremlin friends, finally found a guard said adopted brat hasn't scared off and that's because he wants to get into his pants and actually managed to succeed in that goal I mean…He is a rabbit hybrid though so they can't really blame him for wanting to fuck his guard a lot…That's the only reason. It's pure instincts. Totally nothing else

Bunny: when they realize shuuichi is the in, kokichi is DOOMED they just have to mention the exam being important and shuuichi will give kokichi the Eyes hes the chink in the armor that is kokichi being a shithead Apollo: Basically he's the ticket to get Kokichi to actually do shit because of how whipped the prince is His dads? Kokichi whines and complains, dragging his feet to do the task Shuichi? Well, he might whine and stuff but with a look (and possibly like a finger snap or something) he's off to do it

Bunny: shuuichi holds both carrot and stick tremble before his power Flaire: Oh Shuichi has a 'carrot' and 'stick' alright Bunny: kokichi does enjoy the rewards of getting good scores i mean he is trans here so he probably does have multiple dicks laying around, actually… kokichi tries to name them shuuichi wants to die Flaire: Kokichi does name them The only question is, is one colored like a carrot and is it Kokichi's favorite? Bunny: YES he pretends to be offended at first won't use it he is genuinely a little mad when it turns out to be Very Good Flaire: He gets back at Shuichi by incredibly Playing It Up once he gets over it and making Shuichi the embarrassed and cringing one Bunny: the dirty talk is actually fucking insufferable shuuichi wants to throw the thing out a window after a while Flaire: …but it is a little bit hot And Kokichi's clearly having a great time So Shuichi can… tolerate it

Me: anyway, the side of Kokichi being distracted by Shuichi was covered before, yeah, he ogles him training, whatever but what about the side of Kokichi being a brat testing Shuichi's limits in the early days, he's figuring out what can he still get away with and how exactly he can get away with it, now that he knows Shuichi can chase him down He Is Going To Find Those Buttons And He Will Push Them Can he distract Shuichi by acting sexy? Can he bribe him? Can he get the punishment that's actually a treat to him if he plays his cards right? Apollo: He messes with Shuichi's room hoping to get punished for not only breaking in but for messing with his stuff springbug: he can and he will Me: I think it takes at most a few weeks for Shuichi to figure out the punishment thing and start punishing him by blueballing him instead, telling him that he has to earn a reward, but he remains the master of being distracting as for bribery… Sometimes Shuichi is willing to be bribed, it doesn't hurt, he can entertain him, but other times it only gets him in more trouble, because if it's serious Shuichi is going to be pissed off

can't solve all his problems by being submissive and breedable, sometimes has to do his job [pensive emoji]

Also. The very beginning. When Kokichi was teasing and hinting. Back when Shuichi was nervous about the job. Everything to me. Yeah, he can chase him down and put him in his place, but why can't he get in the place where he should be, between Kokichi's legs? Why so shy, mr. bodyguard? I just think. The thing where he points a finger at Shuichi's chest and runs it in a little pattern while flirting, is that anything? Bunny: it is not anything it is Everything Me: Lots of cringe attention grabs like bending over & various stretching while Shuichi is looking And you know Ouma's flirting is corny af Flaire: It sure is, Source: I can write it Me: full of puns, he's making insinuations about how Shuichi should be under him because of status Flaire: Oh god Shuichi thinks Kokichi is just insulting him at first doesn't he Me: sure, why not Flaire: Kokichi says one(1) thing about Shuichi being beneath him and Shuichi immediately internalizes it as proof Me: but can't have this Saihara be too dense, he's already been catching on the other hints Kokichi's been giving, but the bad flirting throws him off for a bit, because it slots into reaffirming the worries he had, seeing it as the reason why he shouldn't pursue anything with Kokichi so Kokichi shot himself in the knee with this but it's okay, Nagito's "accidental" meddling will fix it, it's just a small comment from him, but being told he's good for Kokichi means a lot to shu he totally thought they were already together, he didn't mean to meddle, he would never Bunny: of course not!! Apollo: He would never meddle in the love life of the weird gremlin he's grown attached to!

[2screamingpears]

A not-complete list of wonderful changes, translation and localization I noticed when I went to see Book of Mormon in Madrid!

Hey! So I went to see The Book of Mormon last month in Madrid, and since I had watched (bootlegged) and listened to the original production, I was able to enjoy some changes they made so it could be enjoyed by spanish audiences!

First off, I should say that it wasn’t a replica production (and I think I much prefer this one!). The choreography was amazing, and definitely more elaborate than on broadway ! Here, have a look: https://youtu.be/NZ5UxjN2MPs?si=UErYQUODo5Qs-EMC

Some of the first changes I wondered how they were going to make was the opening number: both Hello and Hola have the same syllables but hola cannot be used, since the accent falls on the first syllable in hola and the second in hello….. so spanish mormons just end up saying how are you (¿qué tal?) 😂

Second change comes during the second number, two by two: one of the jokes is weirdly untranslatable, which is the addendum at the end of the phrase “we are the soldiers of the church of jesus christ (of latter day saints)”. Since in spanish “of la-tter day saints” (5 syllables) would be “de los úl-ti-mos dí-as” (7 syllables), they changed it to “yo-soy-mor-món” (i am a mormon) which fits! There is a joke lost, but mormonism isn’t as widespread as it is on the US, so it’s hardly noticeable.

This one is mostly to update the content, but during two by two when the trip to japan gets announced, the mormons are excited about soy sauce and godzilla (instead of mothra)

Next comes a change i also wondered about: how do you make a joke out of Elder Price’s wish to go to Orlando, of all things? In the English version, Elder Price would like to go to orlando because of Sea World, Disney and putt-putt golfing: spaniards have no cultural knowledge of what Orlando is, so the translated line is “Orlando! Disney me espera, soy fan de Frozen” (Orlando! Disney is waiting for me, I’m a Frozen fan) which really drives home the ridiculousness of choosing that place as your mission trip. Also, if you watch the video i linked, the joke is super amplified through choreography, which is part of why i love this production so much.

Hasa diga eebowai gets one change Very right: instead of saying fuck you god, they say “me cago en dios” (i shit on god) which is a very common way of cursing about things in spain: you can shit on the milk (me cago en la leche), on your mother (me cago en tu madre) and indeed, you can shit on god!

One fun localization comes in at the end of All-American prophet, a song that’s basically a sales pitch or infomercial : the fun little gag at the end where Elder Cunningham says “if you order now, we’ll also throw a seat of steak knives” gets changed to “if you order now, we’ll throw in a thermomix for free” For people who don’t know, a thermomix is The Product everyone gets from infomercials/ through independent sellers: it’s a chopper/blender/cooker/scale/kitchen robot, very convenient! My mother has one :) one of the ugandan ladies asks Cunningham about the thermomix inmediatly after finishing the number and he excitedly begins explaining the whole shtick every middle aged spanish lady has heard before, that got a big laugh :)

In the sequence before spooky mormon hell dream, when Elder Price’s so happy that he finally reaches Orlando, he throws in another elsa joke, saying that he’s blonde like her, so thats why she likes her😂

During Spooky mormon hell dream, one change that got Such a big laugh was seeing the four people that are in hell according to Elder Price: Genghis Khan, Hitler, Jeffrey Dahmer and, instead of Jonnie Cochran (idk even who he is) we got Silvio Berlusconi, politician and founder of communications company Mediaset, which runs a thrash tv channel called Telecinco (and that’s what he’s in hell for, according to the song)

The thing elder cunningham always says “tomorrow’s a latter day” gets changed to a saying a lot of catholic old people say, “mañana dios dirá” which both fits in the metric and localizes it, since mormonism isn’t that well known.

And that’s it! It was such a wonderful performance, and a testament to the beauty of translation: even if i know I understand English fairly well, seeing the jokes on my native language made everything 100x times funnier! Strongly recommend!

[gizkasparadise]

What is the worst, most technically inept drama that you secretly love? Tell us of the best badgood drama, the clunkiest dialogue, the most inexplicable casting, the hideously costumed yet most fun dramas, please.

🫥Anonymously yours🫥,

💜Purplehanfu😈💜🍇👾

dear complete stranger (<3),

man i love badgood dramas so much!!! i chose ones that are flatout objectively not good, but i was glued for them all. here's a few that are jumping out

triad princess (taiwan). it ends on a cliffhanger that will never be continued, the relationship building is non-existent, jasper liu basically plays himself yet still acts like he's doing a community service project, but omg it's cute and hit all the right notes for me. fave bonus is that one of the gangster henchmen falls in love with the FL's best friend, a shy boy who works at a mart and makes youtube covers

hold on, my lady (chinese). a bandit is offered a choice when she's caught during a heist: be executed or marry this aloof but beautiful but delicate son of the general. she chooses the latter, and hijinks ensue. made on a budget of pocket lint and just wacky, im going to rewatch this today, actually. fave bonus moment: the FL falls dramatically down and the ML breaks both his arms instantly when he tries to catch her

thumping spike & thumping spike 2 (korean). the two are barely related, but both deal with a competitive men's volleyball team! thumping spike 1 is about a washed up competitive female player going to coach a high school team to glory (just dont...think too critically about the age difference, there) and the second is COLLEGE EDITION with a love quadrangle between two identical twins, one of whom is a cheerleader for the team, the ace volleyball player who's too cool for school, and the WILDCARD volleyball player who gets mad when people call him gorilla. the second one is definitely worse than the first one, but neither are bringing home awards. i still watched them both in one sitting.

my heart twinkle twinkle (korean). this show is actually insane and a parade of toxic that i can never, in good conscience, ever rec to anyone. but gd did i watch the whole fucking thing. look at this fucking poster. this fucking poster looks like it was doused by a fake snow machine.

premise: Noble But Poor family has 3 daughters: the eldest, who is the caretaker; the middle who is Aloof and Ambitious; and the youngest who is A Fucking Menace. they are lead by their single father, who owns a fried chicken store

Rich but Dysfunctional family also has 3 children: the eldest, who is the only son and a fucking piece of work, the middle who is school colleagues with the other family's middle daughter and a hot mess who loves Da Club, and the youngest, who is clingy and gets into a ton of fights with the other family's youngest but is otherwise ok. they run AN EVIL FRIED CHICKEN FRANCHISE that is poisoning people through subpar ingredients!!

there's so much that's so wrong with this, im going to bullet point it from another post i made:

the entire premise is that there’s a fried chicken restaurant rivalry between two families but somehow there’s murder and slush funds and this guy who owns a string of fried chicken franchises named after himself (yeah) has direct access to seoul’s police commissioner at any given moment

one of the main actresses was involved in a scandal a little over halfway through production so they just….vanish her character/entire plotline like it never happened

the main male lead is toxic personified. him and li chengyin from goodbye my princess could co-author a dating strategy/forced-marriage-after-you-kill-your-girlfriend’s-head-of-household book because jesus christ. he literally screams that he hates women and he ends the drama (rightfully!!) in fucking prison

the second female lead disappears/creates a new identity and becomes a chicken chef student of the world. shes later in a love triangle between a single dad chicken shop interior designer and another vanilla guy

that's right, one guy’s job is he’s an architect for chicken restaurant interiors i cant

the main male lead leaves the main female lead’s father to die in a chicken-coop-themed arsony and then cha-cha slides into the son-in-law’s role during the father’s funeral and later MARRIES the female lead

the main male lead tells the female lead’s father’s grave that HE WON AND DAD LOST because the male lead is standing and the father’s in the dirt?!

a friend/almost!love interest of the second female lead dies tragically in a chicken delivery motorcycle chase????

it's the worst drama i've ever seen. i watched all of it.

kakafukaka (japanese)

this one is so gd weird and unappealing it somehow circled back around and became off-puttingly charming to me? so the premise is that there's a 20something year old woman whose life has gone to shit and she ends up in a sharehome with the most sexually dysfunctional bunch of people in the world. one of these is her ex, who tells her that she's the only one he can get a boner with (yeah) and asks her to help him get over his impotence in order to write his novel (yeah). if you read the whole show as kind of an exploration into sex without romance/love, it's as not bad, and there's something weirdly endearing about everyone--i really love the second female lead akari in particular. but it's not a good show, not by a long shot (MDL rating? 6.6), and the ship is dysfunctional at the very best. the ost somehow is great though?

speaking of trash dramas with great OSTs, love in sadness has some of my favorite songs:

okay that's enough for now!!!!

[detectivecarisi-1]

The Senator’s Daughter: Chapter 1 (BodyGuard! Dave York x Female Reader

AN: AHHHH! It’s finally here! I am so sorry it took as long as it did, and honestly I wanted to make this chapter longer, but it would’ve taken me like... 2 more weeks to get it to the length I wanted it to be. So, I decided I have kept you waiting long enough and to just publish it as it is. Again, if you already read my mini update this is redundant, but if not I will say again; I am a full time teacher, at the middle school level at that, so time is not really on my side with most things haha, so it may take me a while to get these chapters posted, but trust that they will be posted! Thank you all for reading, and thank you for your patience! -M 

Rating: M for language. Future chapters WILL BE EXPLICIT, 18+ ONLY 

Word Count: 1.9K

Series Warnings: Language, Eventual Smut (18+ ONLY FOR THE WHOLE SERIES), AFAB!Reader, No use of Y/N, Divergence from Canon, Mean Dom!Dave York, Bratty!Reader, AGE GAP (reader is of age!), Enemies to Lovers, Mentions of Drug/Alcohol Abuse, Politics lol, Minor violence, mentions of parental abuse. 

~~~~~~~~~~

Jesus Christ.

Whoever’s bright idea it was to make ABBA your godforsaken alarm should be lined up, and swiftly kicked in the shins.

Nothing is more frustrating than being hungover, feeling half dead, honestly waking up still drunk, and then “Man After Midnight” starts blasting these fucking rodeo beats in your ear.

Great song, terrible decision.

Honestly, it probably was your decision. The decision you made when you were trying to turn your life around for the… probably thousandth time. You most likely thought you would hear that song blasting in the morning, and immediately the adrenaline would start pumping, and you’d feel driven to get up and go for a 7 mile jog along the beach, come home make some smoothie that’s more kale than anything else, maybe go get that degree your dad’s always been begging you to do, and be driven to never, ever touch a drop of alcohol ever again. And yet, that plan never worked. And here you are, listening to Swedish Pop icons ABBA, questioning whether or not you had died, and ended up in some weird 8th circle of hell.

Honestly, that’d probably would’ve been better.

Fuck. The sun is too fucking bright, ABBA is too fucking loud, you’re too fucking nauseous, everything is too fucking much. You try to fumble over to your phone, switch that shit off, crawl under the comforter that you know is way too expensive, and sleep until the evening and its time to go back out. You’re halfway through figuring out how to hit the off button on this brand-new iPhone, counting down the moments till you’re finally able to know peace and try to sleep off this massive hangover that’s dragging you through the mud by your big toes. But before you can even start to consider that option, the door to your bedroom slams open.

“Get up. We need to talk.”

Ah, those glorious words no one ever wants to hear. Especially not delivered to you from your father of all people.

Till Leland was a rising star in the world of politics. Hailing from Northern Virginia, Till was destined from public service from the very beginning. His father, a well-known lawyer taught him the importance of argumentation skills and logic. His mother was a 11th grade environmental science teacher known for her work in the community establishing parks, teaching her students oyster shell recycling, and creating a community garden for all those who may need access to fresh fruits and vegetables. To say Till was raised by the best people put on this Earth, would be a huge understatement. Your grandparents are truly, the most incredible human beings around. Passionate about education, well-known philanthropists, and outspoken activists. More importantly, they were loving and devoted parents.

They truly raised an amazing child. Till Leland was everything they were and more. Growing up he was a constant straight A student who stayed after class to help tutor other students in math and science. He loved the environment and would often spend weekends organizing groups to help collect litter on the school campus. One spring break to Virginia Beach, Till spent a full day walking the coastline collecting empty beer cans and half smoked joints and cigarettes. He was always the designated driver, never got in trouble with his teachers, and was active in the school debate team. When it was time for him to choose a college, despite the credentials to get into any Ivy League he could, he chose Virginia Tech. He loved Virginia. Even with all its flaws, he just saw it as an opportunity for him to be the one to fix them. So, he studied political science, got a his master’s, ran for city council got elected. Slowly but surely, he worked his way up to the Senate level. He has done so much good for the state. And the people love him. The only thing that could possibly destroy his political career, is unfortunately the thing he loves most, and the one thing he can’t control.

You.

And yet, even though you had this penchant for living the opposite life your father pursued, he was still an incredible, kind, and loving father. There was not a single event he ever missed of yours, even with his busy schedule as a politician. He attended every ballet recital, every chorus concert, even the tennis games where you were mostly the ball girl. He wanted to see you shine, and he supported you in every role you took on. To this day, he has a box in his office full of shitty art projects, report cards, and handmade birthday cards you gifted him. He takes his role as a father seriously, and you are truly the light of his life. And honestly, you have a shitty way of showing it, that sentiment is mutual.

“Dad, I want nothing more than to get up, but I feel like I’ve been beat with a hammer. I think I’ll just stay here.” Your voice is muffled by the pillow, you still refuse to even lift your head.

“Honey… I really need you to get up”

Oh shit.

You can’t explain it to anyone but yourself… but his tone is off. He’s mad. He’s just short of a boil, he is simmering. He is one wrong move from blowing up. You start trying to replay the past 24 hours in your head. What happened? Why is he so pissed?

Try as you may, you can’t remember a goddamn thing.

How did you even get home? You can tell your still in the dress you went out in last night. Kicking your legs around, you eventually hit the absurdly high heels you went out in that must’ve slipped off in the middle of the night… in your bed. Great. And based on the smudged eyeliner and red lipstick on your white silk pillowcase… You came home and immediately collapsed in bed.

“I’m not repeating myself. Get. Up.”

You don’t think you’ve ever heard him this mad. Alrighty, you guess now is the time to face the music.

You sit up and see your dad. His face a cracking mask of neutrality, you can see that simmer rapidly approaching a boil. He’s already dressed in a crisp white dress shirt with a blue tie perfectly tied around his neck, his beige pants are steamed so well they barely even look real. And here you are… looking like an extra in an early Ke$ha music video.

You’re doing your best for your eyes to adjust, but honestly the room is spinning way too fast, and your focus is divided between not throwing up on yourself and listening to whatever nuclear bomb your dad is about to drop on you. 

“What’s up, doc?” are… are your words still slurring? You had tried to crack a joke to lighten the very tense mood that is only getting worse and worse in your room… but all that had done was show your dad just how fucked up you really are.

“Honey. Get dressed. Come downstairs. We need to talk.” He turns to leave. No joking, no nonsense, no arguments. 

“Dad, I want nothing more than to join you downstairs… but if I move, even an inch right now, I guarantee you I’m going to vomit all over these new sheets. And I don’t know about you, but I really don’t want to make Ann clean that up.” Its true. The maid is a lovely woman who has put up with your shenanigans long enough. 

“Fine. We’ll talk up here. Embarrass yourself, honestly at this point I don’t give a shit.” He turns quickly on his heels, and before you can even consider changing your mind, he’s yelling down the staircase. “Mr. York, come join us up here. You can get an early firsthand experience on what I mean.”

What? What is that even supposed to mean? Who the fuck is Mr. York, what in the world has your dad so fucking pissed, firsthand experience of what, and again, who the fuck is Mr. York?

You’re going through all these questions and possible answers in your head, making you even dizzier than you were before. The room is spinning faster and faster, your stomach starts to churn, you get that familiar taste in the back of your throat, and of course, right as the mysterious Mr. York is entering your room you’re lunging for the trashcan conveniently placed by your bed and vomiting. 

Tequila. Its always tequila. 

“Fuck… I’m sorry. I’m just so sorry.” You start crying like a child. Throwing up always does this to you. It’s disgusting, and it’s embarrassing even when you’re on your own, let alone with an audience of your father and some random man standing in your room… offering you a handkerchief?

 You, once again, refuse to even look up. Choosing to keep your head shoved in the trashcan, but out in the peripherals of your vision, you see a hand, reaching out your direction, holding a white piece of cloth. “D.Y” embroidered on the corner”

“No, I can’t take that.. It’ll get ruined.” You sound fucking pathetic. Slurred words made even worse by the tears.

“Miss, just take it.”

Woah. 

If you weren’t so far gone, his voice alone probably could’ve sobered you up in an instant. It was beautiful. Deep, smooth, yet with a slight rasp that was just so… sexy. 

With trembling hands, you reached out, taking the handkerchief, you swear, at one point your fingers touch his, you swear, or maybe, its just wishful thinking. Nonetheless, you finally get a look at this Mr. York. 

You’re not sure what you expected, but Lord knows its not what you got. 

Oh no. 

He’s hot. 

He is composed, perfectly dressed in a suit, now only missing a pocket square. His expression is hardened, bordering on annoyed, but still, you somehow still think he looks soft. It’s the eyes… it’s got to be those perfect, brown eyes. He’s just… perfect? 

As if you weren’t embarrassed enough. Here is this man, the image of calm, put together, and devastatingly handsome, and here you are, laying in bed, still drunk, throwing up in a trashcan. Definitely not your best moment. 

You sit there, for who knows how long, staring at Mr. York. While he returns to his initial spot by the door, and then begins staring at the wall behind you as if you don’t even exist. 

“Sweetheart… are you okay?” 

Oh, right. Your dad is in the room with you. 

Before you can even begin to form some way to avoid saying “Yeah, dad, I’m fine. Just still fucked up from my night out last night that I barely remember, and while dealing with the most horrible hangover I’ve had in years my dad bursts into my room pissed off at me for reasons I don’t even know, before he calls in the most attractive man I’ve seen in my entire fucking life right before I ruin any chance I may have had with him by vomiting into a trashcan right in front of him” or, you know, something along those lines, Mr. York saves your ass for you. 

“Maybe it may be a good idea for Miss Leland to take a moment to clean herself up before we discuss more serious matters?” 

God, there is a lot you’d like to discuss with this man. 

“That would be an incredible idea, Mr. York,” your dad is beaming at the man like he just solved world hunger, he turns to you and that grin falls immediately, “You. Shower. Sober up. Come downstairs. This is serious.” 

“Sir, yes, sir.”

[garbinge]

Misdirection

Happy Lowman & Daughter OC Scarlett Lowman

From these August Prompts: Misdirection A/N: Forgot to post yesterday, so here's yesterday's August fic!

Words: 1.9k

Warnings: Angsty. Mentions of hospitalization, hurt, broken arm, worry, etc.

SOA Taglist: @drabbles-mc @justreblogginfics

“Scar.” Happy’s voice rarely sounded worried, unsure, or defeated but right now it was a mix of all 3. 

“What’s wrong?” She knew to ask immediately. 

“It’s Lex. She got hurt at the clubhouse.” Now that was a typical Happy response, little information, but just enough detail to have Scarlett’s heart drop to her stomach. 

“What happened? Where is she?” Scarlett was grabbing her keys, eager to get wherever her daughter was. 

“We’re at St. Thomas, Tara’s got her, she’s checking her out.” Happy said that as if that was going to solve everything, like that would make his daughter's anxiety completely disappear. 

“Jesus fuckin’ Christ, Dad.” She was now leaving in the middle of her shift at work, no notice, just calling out to one of her server friends that she needed her to cover her tables. 

Scar was going to stay on the phone, pressure Happy for more information but she knew it’d be a waste and just get her worked up more so she hung up. She began speeding down the Charming roads on her way to St. Thomas, cutting through backroads and shortcuts, anything to cut down on the ETA. She didn’t bother parking, she handed the keys to valet and knew she’d make Happy pay for it. 

Before she could make it to the front desk she ran into Jax, literally. 

“Oh shit, my bad, Scar.” Jax steadied her. 

“Where’s my kid, Jax?” Her hands practically threw Jax’s off of hers. 

“Woah, relax, she’s up in pediatrics, Tara’s checkin’ her out.” Jax spoke like it wasn’t a big deal, like he wouldn’t rip down walls and bulldoze over people for his kids. 

“Don’t tell me to fuckin’ relax, Jax. What the fuck happened?”  

“She climbed on top of the playset, jumped down, fucked her arm up. Pretty gnarly jump for a kid her age.” Jax was smiling again like this wasn’t the most serious situation to Scarlett. 

“You saw her?” The rage was about to be pouring out of Scarlett. 

“Yea a group of us were by the garage, when it happened.” Jax was so oblivious to what was happening. 

“None of you said anything? Told the fuckin’ kid to– I don’t know– maybe not do that? Jesus, are you all so far up your own asses? Do you not get what the fuck could of happened, or did happen, I don’t even know because no one is telling me anything!” 

“Hey,” Jax held up his hands and stepped back. “We all called out, Happy was right there telling her not to do it but she didn’t listen, must be a Lowman family trait.” Jax’s eyebrows raised as he referred to Scarlett. “If it was super serious I wouldn’t be here bullshitting with you, I would be up there with everyone else waiting for you. So don’t misdirect your anger on me.” 

“Get out of my way.” Scarlett was pushing past Jax. 

As Scarlett entered the pediatric wing she saw Gemma, Bobby, Tig, and Happy. 

“What room is she in?” Scarlett wasn’t in the mood to have another ‘bullshitthing’ conversation with anyone. 

“201.” Gemma was immediate to answer, understanding what Scar was going through, mother to mother. 

Scarlett was moving quick past the waiting room and down the hall in search of the room so she could find relief or some sort of answers. She stopped in her tracks when she saw her daughter with a bandage wrapped around her arm, her face was stained with tears but currently her face was all smiles. There were so many things floating in Scarlett’s head right now as she stared through the window of the room Lex was in. Her baby was okay, she was hurt, but she was there smiling and okay.  But that guilt was still eating her alive. 

“Hey, she’s alright.” Tara’s voice alerted her to turn around and face the doctor. “Her arm is broken, we’d describe it as an acute fracture, she’ll wear a cast for a month and then a split, but it’ll fully recover, no surgery needed.” 

Scar let out a sigh of relief. “Thank you so much, can I go in and see her?” She was turning her head and already starting to go into the room. 

“We still need a couple more x-rays just so we can see progress as time passes with the cast and splint.” Tara explained hoping that Scarlett would get it. 

“Alright, I’ll wait out with the club, you’ll find me when I can see her?” Scarlett sounded eager. 

“Right away.” Tara smiled and touched the side of Scarlett’s arm before moving into Lex’s room. 

Scar knew standing there and watching from afar would be tortuous so she quickly moved back to the waiting room. For a few moments she stood back, looking at everyone in the room but specifically her father. Happy was nervously standing against the wall where the waiting room began to open up. Nervous was a feature that Happy didn’t show very often. To be fair, he wasn’t showing it too much, but Scarlett clocked it right away. The stoic face had more of a frown to it, and his leg was lightly tapping up and down, he had his eyes focused on one spot on the floor, he was fixated on it probably thinking about all the potential possibilities, all the things that could have happened mixed with the anger that there was nothing to do, no one to blame, no one to fight to get payback unless he was going to punch the play set to pieces. 

Scarlett knew exactly what he was thinking because when she broke her arm when she was just slightly older than Lex, Happy went and threatened the parent of the kid who pushed her off the gym stage. It took 30 minutes of her begging for him not to threaten the child themselves before she negotiated him down to ‘talking’ to the parents. She should have known better, even at that age. 

“She’s gonna be fine.” Scar reached her hand up and touched Happy’s shoulder. 

His gaze immediately broke and turned to his daughter. “Can we see her?” 

“Not yet. Tara’s doing more x-rays, progress shots. She’ll be in a cast for a bit.” Scar’s hand was still resting on her father’s shoulders.  “You’re not mad. I thought you’d be mad.” Happy said now standing up straight and staring down at her. 

“I was mad. You’re lucky I ran into Jax down the hall first, I yelled at him and now I feel better.” She smiled. 

“I told her not to jump.” Happy still had his stoic face on. 

“What can I say, she gets her listening skills from you.” She pushed her hand against his shoulder before letting him go. 

“She gets that daredevil spirit from you.” Happy turned a smirk now. 

“And I wonder where I got that from.” Her eyes rolled and she turned to the other people who had begun approaching. Bobby, Tig, and Gemma. “She’s alright, gonna have a cast, that she’s probably going to ask all of you to sign, so please no inappropriate shit. Or cursing. Or SOA colors or markers please.” Her eyes moved to Tig specifically. “Why are you lookin' at me?” “Because when she asked you to sign her field trip form you signed it with the anarchy A.” Scarlett crossed her arms. Everyone turned to look at Tig as if to ask that was seriously what he did. 

“It makes the A in trager look better, what can I say.” He shrugged. 

Before anyone could answer, a little voice was getting louder from down the hall. 

“Mommy! Mommy!” 

Scarlett turned around and squatted to be eye level with her little girl. “Hey baby!” 

“Look I broke my arm!” She was grinning from ear to ear despite the tears being stained on her face. It was such a Lowman thing to do. “Its pretty cool, right?” 

Scarlett was going to answer, but it truthfully wasn’t the right time to reprimand her, she had been through enough and she’d talk to her at home about listening and making better decisions. “The coolest, but I’m just glad you’re okay. I was scared.” 

“So was Pops.” Lex pointed to Happy. “Pops, look at my cast! They let me draw on it and look I did a smiley like the tattoos you and the one mom has!” She raised her arm to Happy. 

The silence between everyone was very prominent, the tension rose. Some eyes looked over at eachother, some looked at Scarlett to guage her response, guage Happy’s. Tig was the first one to speak with humor in his voice,  a shrug falling off his shoulders and the sentence he spoke earned him a look from everyone.

“Well at least it wasn’t one of us that did something inappropriate.” 

[billyhargrovesupsidedownshadow]

The Right Kind of Ritual

You can read it on AO3

Huge thanks to @deliriousdisillusion for beta-reading!

Rating: Explicit 

Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply 

Categories: M/M, Multi 

Fandom: Stranger Things (TV 2016) 

Relationship: Billy Hargrove/Steve Harrington/Eddie Munson 

Characters: Billy Hargrove, Eddie Munson, Steve Harrington 

Additional Tags: Established Relationship, Established Billy Hargrove/Eddie Munson, Ghost!Steve Harrington, Supernatural Hunters, Supernatural Hunter!Billy Hargrove, Supernatural Hunter!Eddie Munson, Blow Jobs, Anal Sex, Open Relationships, (they sleep with other people but only together), Bottom Billy Hargrove, Top Eddie Munson, kind of Dom!Steve Harrington, Incorporeal Steve Harrington, Masturbation, Getting Together, Rituals, First Meetings, Drinking, Smoking, Aged-Up Character(s), consensual voyeurism, Resurrection

Words: 10876

***

Billy's lighter clicked for a the hundredth fucking time, still refusing to actually light up. It had one fucking job. Eventually he grunted, shaking it, annoyed. The cigarette between his teeth was still not burning, which he was very much not satisfied with. He needed his nicotine.

"Jesus fucking Christ," a heavily ringed hand reached over and plucked the lighter right out of Billy's fingers. "Use the other one!" Eddie basically yelled at him for absolutely no reason.

Billy glared at him. It's not like he was the one who got them lost, Munson didn't get or act all annoyed now at Billy because he wanted a smoke and his fucking lighter refused to work.

"What fucking other one?" He said, at a totally reasonable level of loudness that this situation warranted.

"Any other one that fucking works! You clicked it like a million times, it's annoying as fuck!"

Billy was actually getting yelled at over literally nothing here, Jesus. They ran out of fuel for the lighters two states ago, there were no working lighters in this car. He flipped Eddie off, but his boyfriend didn't notice: he was too busy trying to figure out the map under the light of a single flashlight and a street lamp on the other end of the backseat. The flashlight was working solely on Eddie's stubbornness now, it looked like, considering the batteries were for all intents and purposes dead even before he fished it out of their glovebox, and the street lamp was very clearly thinking about starting to flicker.

Billy kicked him, not too hard, on the shin for ignoring him, and got out of the car, the loud bitching that followed him out adding at least something nice to the whole situation.

The situation being them getting stuck in the middle of pretty much nowhere for what was starting to look like a fun night in the dumb car (not really, Billy loved his car) because someone got them fucking lost . And that someone was not Billy , because he couldn't drive and look at the map at the same time.

"Where the hell are you even going?!" Eddie yelled out of the lowered car window.

"I'm walking to Cali to finally get some acceptable fucking coke," Billy yelled back, heading farther down the deserted rest stop toward the woods. There was just the one half-dead street lamp, so he decided it was dark enough and he didn't need to go too far. Also it wasn't like there was anyone but Eddie around for several miles, so it seemed, and there wasn't anything he hadn't seen already anyway.

"Write me a letter when you get there!" Eddie yelled back, like a true romantic.

Billy flipped him off again without stopping or turning around. He wasn't sure if it could be seen from the car in this darkness, but the gesture in itself brought enough satisfaction.

Finding an appropriate looking tree, Billy unzipped his jeans, having to almost roll them down. Jesus, he was getting too old for something this tight, and he wasn't even sure the way they hugged his ass was still worth it. For a moment, he let himself enjoy the quiet of the forest at night after being crammed in a tin can on wheels with the loudest person alive for several hours. Well, he had to be the loudest for Billy to hear him over their blaring music and, well, Billy himself.

The night was actually really nice: the forest full of its nighttime activity rustling somewhere in the deep, the air crisp, smelling of wet earth. With no people around, it felt almost peaceful.

Well. He thought there weren't any people around.

A guy was standing a little deeper in the forest staring at Billy with huge dark eyes.

That was exactly what Billy wanted tonight, of course. A random weird guy staring at him like an insane person in a creepy forest late at night while Billy had his dick out.

Fuck, he wished he had managed to light that damn cigarette.

The guy didn't say anything so Billy just stared back. He was too busy to start anything himself even if his heart rate was creeping up into we're about to blow up territory.

He finished his business, zipped his jeans back up, deliberately slow, all under the guy's gaze. He had never been shy about anything, and he saw no reason to start now. And he really didn't want to make any sudden movements. Who knew what the guy had in him.

They stood there for a moment longer, Billy steeling himself for a fight, doing what he could not to freak out completely.

"Do you… do you need a lighter?" the guy asked, finally, offering a lighter.

He sounded… distinctly normal. Like just some guy.

Sure, like this whole situation was normal. Like anything in this moment was normal .

Anyway. Billy fucking hunted werewolves and vampires and ghouls, he could take down a skinny guy. He had a knife in his pocket and a gun on his back, and he could fight like hell. He was going to be alright. He hoped.

Could he yell loud enough for Eddie to hear him all the way back in the car? With all the big guns?

"Sure," he answered.

The guy lit up one of those fancy lighters, good ones. Billy never could justify getting one of those. Probably had an actual monogram on it or some shit. He leaned in, putting the end of his cigarette to the little dancing flame, looking at the guy's hand for some reason. Something caught his attention, but he couldn't exactly put his finger on it.

There was something strange about it. Not the fact that it was the hand of a guy who appeared in the middle of nowhere late at night, because this was weird alright, but it was obvious; there was something else. His hand looked very pale. Like… translucent-pale.

Or not like . It was in fact slightly translucent. That's why the guy looked sort of grayish with the darkness as a backdrop behind him.

Billy straightened and took a drag of his cigarette, fucking finally.

The guy was a ghost. That made sense then. It was chill. Billy felt his shoulders relax. A ghost was something he could deal with.

"You alright? Need help?" Billy asked, letting smoke out through his nose, feeling his back relax even more in an instant.

God, he needed his nicotine.

A ghost was easy. He couldn't exactly harm Billy with his lighter. And he knew how to deal with a ghost perfectly well.

Sometimes ghosts were scared and lost, then they could get aggressive. This one didn't look like that. There was a possibility that he didn't know he was dead, though. It happened sometimes.

The guy shrugged but in a kind of uncertain way, not dismissive. He frowned, looking away, clearly anxious.

"Well I… I don't know. I'm – I… I don't – I can't…" he stumbled over his words. "I don't really know… why I'm here. I don't remember getting here," he rubbed the side of his neck, looking at some tree and half-smiling but not in a fun way. More as if he just didn't know what else to do.

Billy nodded slowly. This also happened with ghosts.

"Then you definitely need help." 

He could try burning the guy's lighter, since it was definitely a real object, which meant that it was very likely the tether, but destroying tethers wasn't as effective as burning the body. Plus it's sort of hard to burn a piece of metal, so they needed the body. For that, they would need to get the guy to tell him something useful to find where he was buried (or thrown out, considering he did appear in the middle of a forest).

"I don't… I don't, like, know you, what if you're a serial killer or something?" The guy let out a small laugh, his voice trembling a little.

Billy nodded slowly. This was reasonable. He tried not to react to the irony. The guy was worried about getting murdered depite being already dead. Probably having been killed to begin with.

Billy shrugged instead.

"Your choice. Thanks," he gestured with his cigarette and turned around to walk back to the car.

He could get the lighter when the guy disappeared again, because that was what ghosts did. With no one to draw energy from, they could really stay on this side for long. And Eddie and Billy were probably going to stay here all night, they could wait. It would've been easier if the guy could tell them something, though. But it also didn't look like he could remember anything useful, so they had to do shit manually, it looked like. Could be their back burner project for now. They didn't have too much work at the moment anyway.

"Hey! Wait!"

Billy stopped for a moment, just smoking, waiting for the guy to catch up to him then continuing walking to the car.

When they got to it, in a sort of awkward silence – at least Billy guessed it was awkward – he threw away the cigarette butt and put an elbow on the roof of the car, bumping it two times heavily with the side of his fist.

"Get out!" he yelled.

The guy had to step to the side to let the door swing open (he didn't know it could go through him, after all), Eddie basically falling out of it backwards and having to crabwalk on the asphalt to get his legs out before he could stand up.

"I see you're socializing," he said, half sarcastic, dusting off his hands, his eyes finding Billy's and clearly asking what the fuck was happening.

Billy wasn't generally in the habit of collecting strays, although this was the kind of situation when that might be warranted.

"The guy's alone in the middle of fucking nowhere, figured we could give him a ride to town," Billy got another cigarette out of the crumpled pack in his pocket, gesturing for the guy and his lighter.

The guy scurried to help, in a sort of way that basically screamed nervousness . Well, he was stuck on a random rest stop at night with two strangers, one of whom could very clearly take him down. Eddie could, too, but most people wouldn't have guessed it.

"Oh, that's not creepy of us at all," Eddie said pointedly, faking cheerfulness, before snatching the cigarette out of Billy's mouth, "You can't smoke this much, dude," he put it into his own mouth.

Billy grunted, rolling his eyes, and got himself a new one, offering the pack to the guy.

There was no guarantee he could hold it, but this was the polite thing to do.

Now that he had something to do with his hands, the guy seemed a bit more at ease. Just a little, though.

"Why are you guys even here anyway? It's like the middle of the night."

Eddie shrugged, watching the guy closely in a way that wasn't too obvious but Billy could tell. He was doing the same.

"We got lost and were trying to figure out where to go before we ran out of gas. I'm Eddie, by the way, that's Billy," Eddie said.

The guy nodded.

"I'm Steve," he said.

Okay, that was good. It looked like he had no problem remembering that. Maybe he could tell them his full name at least, make the search, well, not easier, but possible , really.

They were quiet for another moment, just three guys smoking casually in the middle of the night on an empty rest stop.

"And how did you end up here?" Eddie asked Steve.

This was a logical question. There weren't even any other cars around, abandoned or otherwise. Although maybe if it was abandoned, it wouldn't be here. Local services should be doing something , like towing cars away.

And there definitely was nowhere to walk here from, unless one walked for a very long time.

"Well, I… I–I… um…" Steve frowned and scratched his eyebrow with the thumb of the hand he was holding his cigarette in, dangerously close to his hair. "I don't… I don't think I remember," he managed finally, his voice cracking and going so quiet, Billy almost missed it.

He caught Eddie's eyes for a second. 

That was what he thought. The guy – Steve, they should probably still get his full name though – was going to be absolutely useless for their purposes.

Steve frowned even deeper, his head visibility sinking down, looking at the little shallow puddle next to his feet.

"How… why… why can't I remember?" He whispered, as if to himself. "I should be able to remember, why don't I?"

"Man, it's okay, maybe you hit your head or something, it's chill. We'll just get you to the hospital in the morning," Edde said, making a tiny step forward, raising his free hand a bit, wanting to placate the guy but not wanting to cross into his personal space.

Billy knew this gesture, although he hadn't had it used on himself in ages.

How exactly did Billy manage to get such a sweet gentleman as his boyfriend was a question he'd never have an answer to.

"No… I don't… I can't…" Steve was hyperventilating.

This was not good. This was bad. That was what they didn't need.

"Steve…" Billy started, not knowing what exactly he was planning to say.

Steve folded down with a sob suddenly, dropping into a crouch with his arms around his head, the cigarette even more dangerously close to his hair, and then, before either Billy or Eddie had a chance to say anything, he just disappeared. Like he was never there.

The lighter fell onto the asphalt with a clang, the cigarette sizzling out quietly in the puddle. Billy thought absentmindedly that it must have rained last night.

Eddie scrunched up his nose. Jesus, he was so cute. 

"Well, that went smoothly," he picked up the lighter, starting to fidget with it immediately. "He must be a new one, huh? Maybe just appeared for the first time, considering he didn't question suddenly being in a forest, but broke down now trying to remember why he was here."

Billy took a drag of his cigarette. Eddie was probably right. Billy most likely had triggered something when he went to the forest, maybe accidentally stepped on the way Steve went before he died or something. And Steve hadn't looked too alive, really, now that Billy was thinking about it, when he had just stood there and stared at Billy. He had looked kind of frozen. Like a new ghost.

He threw his second cigarette butt of the night onto the ground and stepped on it.

"He's probably local, it shouldn't be too hard to find information on him."

At least now they actually had a working lighter.

***

In fact, it turned out to be hard. The next day they spent in the library in the next town over looking through local news over the last couple of years, but there was nothing, no missing people, no murdered men, no bodies found. Nothing. Like a perfect little town.

So they went back to the motel – two-bed room, although they might push them together; or maybe they wouldn't bother – in the evening, planning to catch up on the sleep they didn't get the previous day crammed in the fucking car the whole night. Okay, no, Billy loved his car, but honestly they were way too big and too old for stunts like this.

Now they were sprawled on one of the beds, Eddie like a normal person, and Billy basically on top of his legs, his head somewhere on Eddie's stomach. Munson ran a gentle hand through Billy's wet hair. It was so nice, Billy kind of considered falling asleep right there. He should learn how to purr, he thought sleepily.

"You're literally like a cat," Eddie muttered.

Billy scrunched up his face. Cats sucked.

"Cats suck," he said, "don't call me that."

Eddie chuckled, twirling one of Billy's curls on his finger.

"You are, though. You just ate, got cleaned up, and now are trying to fall asleep on me, making my life harder on purpose."

Billy hummed.

"I also took a shit," he added.

Cats did that, too.

He could feel Eddie laughing under him. It made him smile. This was so great. He felt so comfortable here, he might really fall asleep on Eddie solely to make his life harder on purpose.

"Jesus, talk dirty to me, you might just turn me on."

Billy threw his head up, jamming it into Eddie's belly, cracking one eye open, looking at Eddie upside down.

"Yeah? You don't think I'm hot now that you know I shit?" he arched his back up as best as he could, so Eddie could have a better look at his shirtless torso, balancing carefully with one foot on the floor so he wouldn't fall off the bed.

"Yeah, only because I'm that into shit talk," he was still smiling down at Billy, still twirling his curl, but there was this look in his eyes…

Billy suddenly didn't feel like falling asleep anymore.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

He shifted around, straddling Eddie's hips in seconds, pushing him down into the mattress, kissing him hard, biting his lips.

Eddie's hands immediately found their way onto Billy's thighs, his ass, squeezing roughly, making Billy humm into his mouth.

He cupped Eddie's jaw, his other hand sliding down his chest over the t-shirt, stopping at a nipple, making Eddie arch up and gasp.

Billy smirked, kissing Eddie's chin, jaw, neck, getting lower.

A hand slid over Billy's thigh, tugging down his sweatpants and wrapping tightly around his dick immediately, since who the hell wore underwear at all, let alone to bed.

Billy had to bite down on Eddie's neck in order not to make a sound he wouldn't have been proud of, making Eddie make it in return. He rocked his hips up a bit, silently asking the hand on his dick to move, and it squeezed tighter, just like he loved it, and…

There was a sudden loud " OH " from somewhere next to them.

Billy snapped his head around so fast, he actually felt the muscles in the side of his neck getting pulled. He sat up, still straddling Eddie, who still had a hand around his dick. The hand slowly let go, and the only reason Billy didn't make a sound at the loss of contact was because he was staring at another fucking person in their room.

Steve was standing across the room from them, hands over his eyes.

Of course. The sun must've set by now, and it was always easier for ghosts to appear after dark.

Billy rolled his eyes. It's not even like Steve hadn't seen his dick. There also was nothing he actually could do if he had anything against two guys making out. Or whatever. This was not making out.

Still, it did rub Billy in a way he didn't want to look too closely at. He didn't know why those were his first thoughts. He knew actually, he just didn't want to acknowledge it.

But he also guessed that for a lot of queer people the first thing they thought about when being caught was whether or not this can lead to any harm to them or their partner.

Fuck, life was depressing.

"You got something to say?" he asked anyway.

Maybe his hands were balled up in Eddie's shirt. Maybe his shoulders tensed up.

Hell, Billy hadn't fought anyone human in so long. He had been doing so well.

He couldn't fight a ghost.

There was a pause.

Eddie tucked Billy's dick back into his sweats, and then moved as if to sit up or something, while Billy moved to get off of him, but ended up tumbling off the bed with a thud and a yelp.

"What the actual fuck?!"

Eddie started laughing like a fucking hyena. Billy took his words back, such a fucking gentleman his boyfriend was.

"Oh, are you okay?!" Steve yelled, moving so he could at least see Billy.

He was pretty sure if Steve wasn't aware that he probably couldn't touch him, he would've tried to. Or maybe he wasn't aware and just didn't want to touch Billy for one reason or another.

"Yes, I'm fucking fine, you assholes. Shut the fuck up," he pushed Eddie in the thigh, pulling himself up and onto the empty bed.

He was too old for this shit.

Steve started laughing as well, although he sounded kind of nervous again. Billy felt grumpy, rubbing his eyes with the balls of his hands. He was so fucking glad everyone was having so much fun while he was getting a freaking bruise on his ass. And his elbow actually.

"The beds are too fucking narrow," he grumbled, causing another burst of laughter.

"Yeah, of course, it's not that you can't walk a straight line without toppling over on a good day," Eddie wheezed.

Billy flipped him off. He could, actually. If he concentrated.

Eventually, they quieted down.

Steve was sitting in the only chair in the room across from the beds now. It looked extremely uncomfortable, and Billy almost felt sorry that he likely couldn't feel it too well.

"Can't you really?" Steve asked. "I mean, do you actually have such a shitty balance or something?" he added at their apparently blank looks.

"Yeah, never fucking could," he grumbled.

He was still annoyed. He didn't like to think about why he couldn't. It's not like he knew exactly, only had his suspicions.

They sat in silence for another moment.

"And I don't mind. I mean, I don't care about you two… I… I don't know… being together, I don't care about that. It's not like I've never… you know… It's just that I do mind seeing a stranger's dick, you know."

Billy chuckled at that against his will. He didn't want to stop being grumpy.

"We know each other. And you've already seen it."

Steve made a face.

"I… I can't actually say that I was that… conscious at the moment. Like I… can remember it, but I wasn't… wasn't processing anything until you asked me if I needed a ride or something. I… I don't know, it's weird."

He rubbed his eyebrow again.

So offering people help was his unconscious response? Huh.

Eddie sat up on his bed with his legs crossed like he was five.

"Yeah, we figured. It makes sense, it just means that you're a very new ghost, so it can be easier to find your body and let you move on."

Steve didn't really react to any of that, looking down and fidgeting with his lighter.

"But we'll need you to try to tell us everything you can," Billy added, falling down on his back on the bed, looking up at the ceiling.

Okay, apparently their work never stopped, even so they could fuck. He knew that, but it was sort of annoying. If they weren't fucking their job, of course. Which they weren't. At the moment.

Steve was pretty cute though…

Billy sat back up again, rubbing a hand over his face.

Ghost fucking was way too complicated and never worth it, so they better just try to help him move on before either of them got any ideas.

***

It went down fairly, well, actually, at least Billy thought so. Interview with the Ghost , as Steve called it, that was. Billy wondered if he had read the book and exactly how gay he found it. They still didn't get too much information, but at least Steve managed to stay corporeal – well, as much as he could at the moment: he was looking distinctly transparent by the end of it – for as long as Billy and Eddie could stay awake asking questions.

His name was Steven James Harrington and he was from Hawkins, Indiana. Which was funny, actually: it was the next town over from where Eddie grew up and Billy was moved to his junior year in his father's most insane controlling move; in fact, Billy and Steve probably had to play a basketball game against each other. Also, Billy's step-sister and step-mother moved there to be closer to Susan's sister after she had finally divorced Billy's dad. But it was after Billy had already fucked off away from them all anyway, so it didn't matter.

Anyway, Steve couldn't tell how he ended up in fucking Utah . His body had to be somewhere here, near his ghost, but maybe those memories were going to come back later. Other details were less useful.

They didn't exactly have the time (or the desire; if there was a state they were avoiding in their work, it was fucking Indiana, unless they went to visit Eddie's uncle in his trailer or his father who was in jail once again) to go over to Hawkins and look up the news there. So they were probably going to need to go through the fucking forest. It was their best bet. Maybe it was some kind of serial killer shit, a unique chance to end up in newspapers and get people wondering what two guys were doing in a forest alone in the first place.

They were kind of at a stalemate, really, because who the fuck wanted to search a forest.

Their actual current job, the one that would get them money, also required a ton of research, which Billy kind of hated. It was a shapeshifter nest, but they couldn't tell if they actually killed people, so they needed to check all the local murders and figure out what looked like a shaphifter one. There weren't literally any murders, which was kind of suspicious.

As a result of needing to research other shit, they had to actually put Steve's case on the back burner, the way Billy initially thought it was going to work out. He very clearly figured out how to draw energy from both Billy and Eddie when he appeared, so he was going to be stable for longer. He helped him research on the days he could turn pages and would just hang out with them when he couldn't, mercilessly teasing Billy about him constantly getting something into his mouth (Billy found the face Steve made when Billy joked back about other ways to deal with oral fixation positively delightful; he was pretty sure that was a blushing face without any blushing) and Eddie about not being able to sit straight for literally a second (the face Steve made at answering jokes about what else Eddie could sit on rather than a chair was even more delightful).

Really, the amount of sex jokes they made grew exponentially every day. Which was probably saying something.

Maybe that they were all something like 15 years old mentally.

It's not like they actually did this around people. At this point, ten years after Billy managed to get away from his father, he felt secure enough in his skin to be able to say that he was gay, but it's not like it was really safe. But Steve had said that " it's not like I've never …", and it somehow felt fine. Steve was… safe .

And Billy felt… comfortable. And it wasn't an usual feeling for him. He normally felt this way only when he was alone with one or two or the Munsons, really.

Eddie and he were laying in the bed (a single big one this time – it was the last room the motel they had to move to had so it wasn't weird), Eddie's arm thrown across Billy's naked chest, warm palm resting casually on one of Billy's pecs. Billy ran his hand along his arm, Eddie squeezing Billy's chest.

"If I got turned into a vampire," he said, soft, sounding thoughtful, "I would totally turn into a bat and just snuggle between your tits."

Billy raised a brow at the last word. It made him feel some kind of way. Weird, but definitely not in a bad way.

"Aww, you're such a romantic, babe" he laughed softly.

He could feel Eddie's smile pressed into his shoulder with a little kiss.

The room was stuffy, and kind of dark, rays of sunshine sneaking through mostly drawn dark curtains, and it felt kind of like their little world, their cocoon. Like nothing could get them here. Or whatever. Billy read too much shit with romance in it, Munson was a bad influence after all, making him all mushy. He kind of liked it despite being almost overwhelmed with warmth and softness all of a sudden.

He ran his hand back up Eddie's arm, then shifted around, turning so they were facing each other. Eddie's hand was immediately pushing his hair off his face, cupping his cheek. Billy ran his hand down his side.

"So," he started and paused; he felt like he could actually talk about what he needed to talk about: "Steve."

Eddie smirked, all soft and rumpled, fuzzy, but in the best way possible, just like Billy felt on the inside.

"Yeah. Steve."

Billy could feel the corners of his own lips tug up in a smile completely without his intent, simply responding to Eddie's.

He was pretty sure they understood each other just from this. Twelve years of knowing someone would do that, he guessed.

Also having already talked about other people – other men mostly, Billy wasn't enough into women for it to be happening often – like this would do that. Like in planning to ask them if they would like to fuck with both of them.

They had their arrangement. It wasn't that they were worried about either of them cheating. They just tried it and it felt wrong without Eddie there, and Eddie said the same, so they decided it was going to be both or neither.

That's how they rolled. They liked it, it had worked for them so far. They were going to change it when it stopped working. As simple as that. Billy liked that it was this simple now. To talk about things. To know there was going to be someone there for him. To trust this thought. To love and be loved back, not despite, not because, but just so.

Eddie made a face at him, but an adorable one.

"From the look of it, his dick should be very much to your liking."

Billy hid the laugh he couldn't hold back in a kiss to Eddie's palm. It did look like it. He wouldn't be caught dead admitting it, but he was kind of a size queen. Just a bit.

Plus Steve looked fine as hell with his big pretty hair, and Billy saw a little peek of his chest hair one time, and Billy so, so had a thing for brown puppy eyes… Ugh.

The only issue was that Steve was barely corporeal enough to turn pages in a book or hold a cigarette most of the time. Sometimes he could be more , but it was rare and impossible to predict.

So this was all in theory. Just a nice thing to imagine, really.

Wel… there were rituals… but they were never worth it and way too tricky. Plus very temporary and usually ended badly. For some reason, Billy really didn't want to even think about using them. Eddie didn't bring it up, either.

Billy sighed, closing his eyes, floating in the familiar smell and heat of his boyfriend, simply his closeness, scratchy bed sheets crumpled under them.

The thought that there was basically no way they could get Steve was somehow upsetting in a way that felt too weird for such a silly thing. Way too big. Like a sadness that wasn't supposed to be there. Like Billy was blowing everything out of proportion. They'd only known him for a couple of months by now. It was just a little crush. It shouldn't be like that.

"That's unfortunate," he mumbled, pressing his face into the rough palm still on his cheek.

Eddie hummed, seemingly distracted by tugging out one of Billy's curls and then letting spring back.

Billy suspected that maybe he wasn't the only one getting a bit confused here.

***

Something like another week or so had passed. Their file on the shapeshifter nest was getting big enough that they were pretty sure that they really didn't need to go in there trying to kill all of them without getting killed themselves. Which was a relief. It was a big nest, and they were still going to get paid for the research this time. And this was a rarity. The fact that there was literally no murders in town in the past several years was still weird, but probably wasn't their kind of weird.

But today, they weren't researching. Or working. They weren't doing much of anything but drinking, really.

Today was the day Billy's mom left home and never came back all those years ago.

Steve was watching Eddie and Billy get drunk.

Actually, not just watching. He managed to be corporeal enough to hold up a glass and even drink some whiskey with them. Billy wondered if there was going to be a wet spot when he disappeared again later.

"No, I don't think I could've taken the news that I'm dead as well as you did, man…" Eddie mused, leaning his back against the bed where he sat on the floor. Billy was mostly laying next to him on the dumb carpet, the wood of the bedframe smooth and cool against the back of his neck.

So was the neck of the bottle in his hand. It felt nice and comfortable on his flushed skin.

"Well, I guess I've been through enough to be chill with it," Steve answered, leaning his glass to the side gently, watching the liquid inside slosh up.

Billy frowned, scratching his cheek.

"What the fuck was your life then?"

Steve let out a laugh, but not a fun one.

"Yeah, it was kind of crazy I guess," he rubbed his eyebrow, looking at the whiskey almost forlorn, tilting the glass the other way.

Billy frowned even deeper. Judging by everything else he had said, it was a pretty nice kind of suburban rich life. At least it was supposed to be like that. You didn't have to tell Billy what kind of shit can go down behind closed doors. But just going oh well, I guess I'm dead now was kind of extreme.

He took a big swing out of the bottle he used instead of a glass. God, he fucking hated whiskey, how could it possibly taste so fucking flat. Like the essence of a wooden board, but burning.

"Still, I would've been so confused," said Eddie.

Steve hummed.

"Well, I was confused. I am. But I was way more confused when I was realizing I'm bi though, for example" he muttered, as if not really thinking about it, eyes looking far away.

"Oh, by the way," Eddie's head thunked against the bed, pretty eyes suddenly going from solemn to sparkling; he waved a hand at Steve. "Is your type the same all across the board, like, visually or something, or are they completely different depending on, like, gender? Because mine is kind of the same," Billy chuckled at this; the only girl Eddie had ever actually dated was Chrissy Cunningham back in high school, and Billy looked nothing like her, obviously, "but I've seen people whose are different, and I'm gathering data for science."

Steve looked at him with wide eyes, blinking, looking a bit more alive again.

"Uh… I'm… I'm not sure I have a type exactly? Even in like separately men or women… or anyone else I guess. Like, I'd totally do both of you, and you two are very different. Maybe people smarter than me, though," he scrunched up his face in the most adorable way and took a sip of his whiskey.

Billy stared at him. He was too drunk not to. Steve's pretty hair fell into his pretty eyes in this pretty way, and his pretty lashes…

Wait.

He slowly turned his gaze at Eddie, who was staring back at him while Steve was apparently contemplating his life looking in the middle distance again. Probably thinking about other people.

Eddie was so pretty, too. With his dark eyes, round and always glinting in this mischievous way, and his long, long curls Billy knew were soft and amazing to touch, and those lips…

Jesus, he loved him.

Wait, wait .

Billy was getting distracted again.

It's just there were two pretty guys in the room with him, and that was apparently two too many for his drunk brain. He took another swing, his fingers tracing the grooves on the carpet under him.

What was he thinking about again? Before how much he fucking loved brown eyes.

Ah, right.

Steve just said that he'd do both of them.

Which was amazing. Billy felt so excited, although it didn't give them anything. Steve was still a ghost. Billy's mood dropped, still looking at Eddie. He blinked.

Wait. Billy frowned, lolling his head to look at Steve.

"We aren't smarter than you."

Eddie laughed for some reason.

"We're not!" Billy insisted, shaking his head a bit for good measure.

It felt important.

"Well… You're so good at your research and stuff, I could never…"

"That's just experience, we've been doing this for ten years, we know how and where to dig. I was held back twice in school, Billy here didn't even get to start Calc. We all have our better sides and worse ones," Eddie shrugged again.

"Well, I… wait. If you… but Billy graduated a year earlier than you? Shouldn't it be two years then?"

"No, no, he's a year younger, and I got held back twice, so I had a chance to graduate with him, just didn't manage to."

"So…" Steve made some calculations in his head. "Are we the same age?" He asked Eddie.

Eddie rubbed his cheek.

"Yeah, I guess so. And Billy's here is a baby!" He reached over, ruffling Billy's hair.

Billy swatted at his hand, frowning.

He was no such thing.

"It's just a year, and we're almost thirty anyway, we're too old for this to matter."

"Never! You're always a baby," Eddie laughed again, making a squishing gesture somewhere in the general direction of Billy's face, apparently not willing to lean over and actually squish his face.

Billy must've grimaced in response, because Steve started laughing too. Billy stuck out his tongue at him, but he was pretty sure it didn't look mean, it just ended up in that dumb face he made sometimes that Eddie called hot for some reason.

The warmth Billy felt on the inside was almost too much, he was just barely holding all of it in and not bursting with it.

He took another swing.

***

Their next case found them by accident, and wasn't too complicated. Someone was digging up fresh graves and bringing back something between a zombie and a mummy, which was disgusting to both look at and kill. So they just got away from a necromanced zombiemummy, which wasn't that hard, but the adrenaline of the chase was still running high.

With the door shut firmly behind them, Billy pressed Eddie against it, kissing his mouth, his jaw, his neck, hands running under the shirt, tugging, pinching, making Eddie arch up and gasp, pushing back against him.

Billy hid a satisfied almost growl into the spot between Eddie's neck and shoulder, biting down, feeling hands on his own body, doing the same, making him shiver.

God, he had the hottest fucking boyfriend.

Well, not fucking right now , but…

Eddie pushed him back more firmly, turning them around and pressing Billy against the wall with a thud, rough, leaving him giggling, and breathless, and gasping, and hot . Jesus, Muson made him feel so hot .

Eddie managed to unbutton Billy's shirt somehow, kissing his nipple, teeth catching the little metal bar there and sending a jolt through his whole body, the sensation pooling low in Billy's belly. A hand successfully dealt with Billy's belt and got his cock out.

A small oh came from somewhere in the room. This was almost like a déjà-vu, although this time it sounded not exactly panic-y but somehow still off. Billy's eyes snapped open, startled, feeling Eddie's hands freeze on him.

Steve was standing in the room near the two beds. This time he was definitely not closing his eyes. He was pretty much staring, barely blinking. Billy could feel his eyes drag down his mouth, neck, his smooth chest, making him say a silent thank you to the past him who spent an hour shaving just yesterday; past the shiny metal in his nipples, down his belly; onto his dick and the hand on it, where the gaze stopped still. Billy pushed down the need to preen. He could see Steve was appreciating the view, which distracted him for a second because how Steve couldn't blush, but apparently very much could get a hard-on?

And that snapped him back. He suddenly wanted so badly to be on the other side of the room on his knees. It was almost all-encompassing. He could see him there, with his mouth open, Eddie's hand guiding him down Steve's shaft…

Eddie chuckled, dragging Billy back to what was actually happening, his hand flexing on Billy's dick, eliciting a hiss out of him.

"Now you see why he spends so much time in the bathroom?" He said, his wrist moving in a circular motion that was so not enough but also way too much with Steve standing right there .

Billy groaned and grabbed his shoulder to hold himself upright, or to hold Eddie back, or just to hold , he didn't know.

Everything suddenly felt way more intense somehow. Like there was an electric current running through him, though the room, between the three of them. Like a storm coming, ozone in the air, something crackling in the distance.

Steve sat down slowly on one of the beds, eyes never leaving Eddie's hand, watching its slow small movements like a hawk, so he ended up almost falling over. In the sexiest way possible, of course. He nodded slowly, finally blinking, like he was only now catching up with what was going on, his brain starting to process.

"Yeah," he said. "It's definitely worth it."

Billy let out a breathless laugh, throwing his head back, hitting the wall with a thud.

"You want a show, pretty boy?" he drawled, watching Steve, his hips twitching impatiently.

Steve nodded way faster this time.

"Yeah," he breathed out again.

That was the only signal Eddie needed, apparently.

He was on his knees in an instant, mouthing at Billy's balls, licking up his cock, sucking the head into his hot, hot, hot mouth.

Billy's hips bucked up, but Eddie smashed him back down against the wall, nails digging into the flesh, mean, stinging, making Billy choke on air just a bit.

He opened his eyes (when did he close them?), staring down at Eddie, who was looking up at him, clearly wanting to smirk but stopped by the cock in his mouth, eyes still sparkling with mirth. Jesus, Billy loved his eyes. Maybe even more than his straight up magical mouth. Well, maybe not very straight …

Billy got distracted by Munson's tongue around his head, making him moan, fingers tangling in soft brown strands, tugging just to tug, nail scraping like he knew would drive Eddie crazy.

Munson moaned around the head of his dick, which made Billy gasp, and moved, swallowing him, and Billy's head hit the wall again, and he thought he moaned, but he was way too distracted by a sharp inhale that wasn't him or Eddie.

Steve. It was Steve. He caught Billy's eyes, licked his lips (Billy wanted to do this as well, God) and then Billy saw him unbuckle his belt, and Jesus fucking Christ his mouth watered just looking at this dick. It definitely was absolutely, totally, fucking exactly to his liking.

"Pretty boy, what… ahh, fuck, Eddie … what do you need to be this big for?" He gasped, fingers digging deeper in Eddie's curls, not pushing Eddie, but steading himself.

Munson, the asshole, immediately turned to look, which was not Billy's plan, because his dick immediately got hit with cold air of the room, forcing him to suppress a whimper at sudden loss, even if he was still pressed against Eddie's cheek.

"Jesus fuck, big boy, he's right," Eddie drawled, while Billy definitely didn't whine a little from Eddie replacing his mouth with a hand, moving in a way he knew would drive Billy insane.

Steve let out a laugh, kind of breathless, more air than sound, his hand wrapping around himself where he was half-laying on the bed. Billy couldn't look away. He was big, and Billy couldn't stop himself from wondering what he would feel like inside, buried deep…

Eddie was suddenly taking all of him down his throat, and Billy thought he heard a belt jingle, and he could feel Steve's eyes on them, and he didn't know where to look , there was his gorgeous boyfriend with his face full of Billy's cock, and there was their beautiful maybe kind of not friend anymore with his huge fucking dick out, and this was not going to last long, not on Billy's end, at least.

He was too lost and overwhelmed in the best way possible to tell when Steve started to talk, but God , was the guy good .

Billy didn't know where all of that came from in this preppy little (well, this wasn't exactly true) body, but he could tell Eddie appreciated it as much as he did by the moan he could feel vibrate through him.

He must've made some kind of desperate sound, because Steve's eyes snapped to him.

"Are you close, Billy? Are you going to come? Are you going to give it to Eddie?"

Eddie moaned again, choking a bit, squeezing Billy in his throat, and that was it, Billy was losing it, crying out, everything was going white.

When he almost could breathe again, Eddie was resting his forehead against Billy's thigh. He looked fine, but Bill should probably say sorry still. If only he could breathe deep enough to talk.

Eddie turned his head to look at Steve, still leaning on Billy. Billy looked up, too. Steve was still watching them, looking spent and way more relaxed than he usually did. Which was probably good.

What wasn't good – for Billy, that was – was how edible he looked, because what he didn't need right now was his dick twitching again.

"Does ghost cum leave stains?" Eddie asked, sounding raspy.

His voice also didn't make Billy's life any better, even if it was the dorkiest question anyone could ask in this situation. Also, this was absolutely crucial knowledge.

Billy still laughed a bit. Steve smiled.

"Well, now you'll find out," he said.

"So, you dress all preppy as a cover-up, huh?" Billy asked.

Steve opened his mouth to answer, smiling a bit wider, but then he suddenly frowned, sitting up.

"Wait… I don't think… I can't…" he looked lost for a second and then just disappeared, like he was never there, leaving Billy and Eddie blinking, dumbfounded.

There was no stain.

Eddie chuckled.

"What a gentleman, leaving without even doing his pants up," he started to stand up slowly with a grunt. "I'm way too old for this shit."

Billy helped him up.

"I know, I feel like a horny fucking teenager, it's disgusting."

Eddie made a face and hummed in response.

"Steve's way too hot though."

He was.

***

Okay, maybe after that they got somehow even less productive in working on finding Steve's body to burn it.

Because, well, maybe they got a bit distracted and a bit too invested in keeping Steve around as long as they could. Literally for no reason really. Absolutely.

It's not like they were spending way too much time fucking to the point where Billy started to question if it was even normal.

Okay, no, he could admit it, at least to himself. They were like freaking teenagers, except they never got to be like that back when they actually had been teenagers. It was kind of insane. And hot. And intense. Billy has always thought that Eddie and he were having kind of a lot of sex, but now? Billy felt like everything he dreamed about (or didn't dare to dream about, more like) locked in his little bedroom listening to his father's footsteps was coming true. With all the hormones but without the repression or whatever word it was Eddie liked to use. And without seeing his father. And without the need to try to find a place and time to hook up. Minimizing interference with work, of course.

And Steve couldn't even touch them. Jesus, if only he was alive. If only Billy could do something with that dick of his.

Well, it wasn't just that, Billy had to admit.

Steve was funny. In a very dorky way, but Billy guessed it was… charming. It was such an annoying word that Billy had heard way too many times about himself, but Steve really was it. Charming . Billy bet grandmas loved him.

Steve was all these nice things, too, like kind, and generous, and while maybe not necessarily always nice, he was at least way nicer than either of Billy and Eddie. Which, admittedly, wasn't that hard, but still counted for something. He honestly cared about shit, deeply. He was also very sensible, which Eddie clearly appreciated, but Billy hated. Now he could not just argue Eddie into agreeing to some probably kind of suicidal shit (it couldn't eve be that bad, really, since neither of them had died yet, and they did something like that all the time). With Steve there, Eddie had another person on his side, Billy lost by default. And in situations when Eddie was on the fence about something, Steve could always convince him to take a safer approach. Billy wanted to make a face just thinking about it.

It's been a while now that they had Steve and his lighter with them, in short, and it was going amazing. 

Maybe they were taking way too long to find the body. Any traces they could've found were long lost.

Their only option was going to be to destroy the lighter it looked like.

Which wasn't going to be easy. None of this was looking like it was going to be easy.

What also wasn't easy, was having a threesome when one of you wasn't usually corporeal enough to so much as touch you, let alone do anything else.

Steve traced a finger along Billy's jaw, almost touching, almost there, Billy could almost feel the cold breath of air, but it wasn't enough .

Billy moaned half form burning frustration, half form the burning of Eddie's dick buried deep inside him.

"You're doing so good, baby, taking Eddie so well. Are you going to moan for us? Are you going to scream? Just like that, good boy," Steve murmured just loud enough to be heard over all the noises in the room. 

Over Billy, over Eddie, over their bodies.

Munson – what an asshole – laughed, his hand sliding up from gripping Billy's hips to touch his chest, the scar in the middle of it, his nipple, tweaking it, his hips never stopping their thrust.

When Steve moved closer to Eddie, Billy already couldn't concentrate enough to hear what he told him, but it must've been just as good, because Eddie let out a half-choked moan, his movements stuttering for a second.

"...look what a mess you made out of him…" he heard.

He reached out, grabbing Eddie's shoulders, probably scratching him a little, dragging him down. He kissed him, sloppy, chaotic, mostly just breathing the same air with way too much biting.

Steve was near him again, the soft chuckle feeling almost like a breeze on his skin.

"Are you going to come soon, Billy? Wait for Eddie, he's close, too, I can tell."

Billy turned his head, staring up at Steve, into his eyes, lighter than Eddie's, greener, so pretty.

He felt Eddie's teeth scraping his neck for a second, making him tilt his head up, baring his throat, not looking away from Steve, not being able to.

"Eddie, come on, he's waiting," Steve purred, so gentle.

Eddie whined, turning his head to look at Steve, too, his temple somewhere against Billy's clavicle, his hair sticking everywhere.

"Big boy…" he started but couldn't finish, moaning from Billy squeezing his dick inside himself.

He felt so good, but Billy couldn't concentrate on this, his mind caught up on one thing only.

He needed to kiss Steve. Not wanted, needed to do it. Like, desperately, right now, right this fucking second . To slide his tongue against Steve's, to bite his lip, so lean away, licking it gently, pressing a chaste little kiss on top of it, only to bite again a second later. 

Billy needed to touch Steve , he needed to kiss him, to watch him wreck Eddie, to see them kiss, Billy needed …

He could hear Eddie's breath catch, and then he was coming, and Billy was coming, and he probably screamed a bit, arching up, his hands finding Eddie's arms in a gesture so familiar, it suddenly almost broke him in two how he could actually have Eddie, got to keep him while… while… something… Steve… he couldn't think.

By the time he could comprehend the reality a bit better, Steve had already disappeared. This always took too much energy out of him.

Billy felt like banging his head on a wall. He pressed a kiss to the top of Eddie's head, running a hand down his back.

Eddie rolled off of him a bit, stil half laying on him.

Billy chewed his lip, looking at the spot Steve had been mere moments ago, no more reachable than he was now.

Words were pressing against his throat, suffocating him.

They ripped their way out, eventually. Maybe they had been there for a while.

"Are we both fucked, or is it just me?" He said in the end, quiet and fast, before he could actually think about how he might be ruining their relationship right now.

If he did it fast, he couldn't feel afraid.

Eddie let out a laugh that was mostly a sigh and hummed.

"Yeah, no. It's both," Eddie patted him on the chest and pushed himself up. "And I need a shower."

Billy frowned at that, slapping his back.

"Hey! That's not fair!"

His lovely boyfriend untangled himself from him anyway, still laughing.

"Which one of us did all the work?"

"I offered to ride you!"

He followed Eddie to the bathroom anyway.

***

"What? Did something happen?" Steve asked next time he appeared, almost immediately, probably sensing the tension of the room.

He was probably more sensitive to it, him being a hardly more than a projection on thin air and all. Billy almost giggled but choked on it.

Steve fidgeted with his lighter, with his sleeve, with his watch in a span of literally five seconds. Jesus, he was just like Eddie.

Billy bit down on the end of the pencil he was using to make notes in his Little Notebook of Important Billy Thoughts (it said this on the first page in a kind of crooked cursive in Eddie's hand).

Eddie somehow almost fell over on his chair but managed to catch himself in time just barely.

"No, no, it's all okay. We just wanted to talk to you," he explained.

Billy moved his pencil to the other corner of his mouth.

Steve let out a clearly nervous laugh.

"Yeah, this… this didn't make me feel better, so…" he clicked his lighter open and then closed.

Eddie caught Billy's eyes, and Billy nodded at him.

He suddenly couldn't really talk for some reason.

Eddie nodded in response, turning a paperclip in his hands.

"We… we don't think we'll find your body," he started slowly, swallowing visibly.

Steve nodded, also slowly.

"So… like… you two think that… this… that this is the time you want to… it's time for me to… you want to try to destroy the lighter?" He held it up a bit toward them, kind of almost dropping it.

Eddie started shaking his head immediately.

"No, that's not it. We thought…" he cleared his throat, glancing at Billy again, who still couldn't fucking talk and could only chew on his dumb pencil like a true dumbass. "We found a… ritual, I guess, that might… it… well… it's supposed to be able to bring you back to life, technically, but it's kind of weird and we're not sure what part of it means, so we can only offer an interpretation , and…"

Steve was frowning and then interrupted him, not even thinking, it looked like.

"Can I see the description?"

Eddie dug out the needed papers, and Steve read through it, a little frown not leaving his brow the whole time.

Billy's throat constricted even more somehow. It was closing tighter and tighter the longer Steve was reading. He was going to get suffocated by his own cowardliness. He bit his pencil harder. It was kind of starting to splinter under his teeth.

The ritual was weird, truly, really weird, even by their measure. It was written off some old book (older than the one they copied it from, and who knew for how long this chain went on), so even if it had worked once, it didn't mean it still did with all the potential mistakes in rewriting, and it sounded very strange, not like any of the ghostfucking rituals they had seen before (which they hadn't mentioned to Steve; also, this ritual was still somehow simpler that some of those, and this was also super suspicious).

It said something about that if a person's body was not in this world (which Eddie and Billy interpreted as a some kind of derivation from being buried) but their ghost was in this world, then they can be resurrected, except that the body had to have been destroyed in the other world (so probably decayed, but they were actually desperate enough apparently to try it despite the fact that there was probably something left of Steve's body). They weren't sure about why this specific language was used, and they weren't sure about any of the steps, or how it could fuck them over...

Steve laughed kind of suddenly, rubbing his forehead, and it was actually a good kind of laugh.

"Yeah, this… this is going to work, if it's ever going to work, it's going to work on me. We should do it."

Eddie looked at Billy. Billy squinted at Steve.

"How are you so sure? And that means you want to be brought back, right?" well, now he could talk, apparently.

Right after making Eddie do all the work of explaining. He was such a great boyfriend, really, why did Munson even put up with him.

Steve scoffed.

"Of course I want to be brought back, being dead sucks. And I know it's going to work, just trust me on this one," he rubbed the back of his neck.

Billy squinted even more.

"So you do remember what had happened to you?"

Steve looked up at them from under his brow.

"Yeah… I… I remembered pretty much the second time I came to you," now both Billy and Eddie stared at him. "Sorry?" he offered, sheepish.

"Why didn't you fucking tell us? We've spent so much time running around!" It was somewhere between a normal voice and yelling for Eddie.

"Because I can't! Like, legally! And it's impossible to explain anyway."

"Legally? Legally? What the fuck, Harrington?" Billy actually yelled.

"I really can't tell you!"

Eddie rubbed his forehead.

"Jesus fuck, what did we get ourselves into… Also, I'm pretty sure any contracts expire when you die, so, you know, maybe you could…"

"How do you even get a contract that classifies your death? Are you FBI? Army? Russian spy?!" Billy yelled over him.

Steve was already shaking his head, starting to say something.

***

They did the ritual in the end. Steve didn't explain anything, not really. Billy and Eddie eventually accepted it. Had to. Steve was worth it. Plus, he said he wasn't planning to go back, exactly, so maybe it did matter. Past was in the past. Billy wanted to believe him. In him.

So did Eddie.

The real issue was, they weren't sure where Steve would appear after the ritual. Was it near where they found him, or near where they did the ritual, or just on Earth , or even this world ?

They agreed they were going to give it a week. Billy and Eddie were going to stay in the motel they were in for a week and wait. In case Steve appeared where they found him. In case he didn't want to come back to them, actually. In case they changed their minds. So they all could think.

After that, they were going to assume he either didn't want to come back or the ritual trapped him somewhere or banished him.

He didn't appear near them.

So now they were waiting.

Billy was ready to fling himself off a bridge just not to wait . It was impossible. He was actively going insane. There wasn't even anything to do in this town. He couldn't feel relaxed enough to fuck and he couldn't fuck to relax.

Eddie wasn't any better, really. They fought over fucking everything for the past week.

It was damn near excruciating .

Eddie was throwing a little rubber ball against the wall, pushing Billy even deeper into his apparent insanity. Billy was just chain-smoking in the corner of the room. It felt like they've been like that for a year now. They were like that just for several days.

It had been almost nine since the ritual, to be exact. Still nothing. Not even a call.

Maybe Steve forgot the number.

Neither of them said it. Neither of them brought up leaving.

Billy couldn't do it anymore.

"We gotta get moving. He's not coming," Billy wasn't sure which was worse, if he got trapped, got exorcised, or just ditched them.

Eddie made a complicated face. Billy wasn't anywhere near being able to decipher anything this complex at the moment. Not when all of his thoughts were bouncing around in his head like leaves under a leaf blower.

"Maybe a day more, for an even number…"

Billy stabbed his cigarette out on the little mountain of cigarette butts in the ashtray.

"Yeah, sure, and then it's an endless cycle. 'Eleven is a nice number, twelve is even, thirteen is the right thing, we need two weeks…' We need to head out."

They needed to work. They were running out of money.

"But Billy…"

"No, Eddie, fucking list…"

"I fucking won't!"

"Stop yelling at me!"

"You fucking stop!"

There was a knock on the door.

Eddie dashed to it before Billy could even react or comprehend the reality of it.

"You two know how fucking hard it is to get anywhere without any money or a car? It's…"

Eddie dragged Steve in by his shirt (the same cute yellow one his incorporeal form was wearing; this form appeared to be very much corporeal), slamming the door closed behind them, pressing Steve against it and kissing him . Jesus fuck, it was the hottest thing Billy had ever seen.

His head was kind of spinning. He stumbled upright, kicking the table in the process, making the ashtray mountain scatter all over the tabletop.

Steve and Eddie jumped at the sudden noise and their heads snapped to look at Billy.

Then, slowly, Eddie looked at Steve, hand still clutching the hem of his shirt. Billy briefly wondered how soft it was. This was some critical information.

Steve looked between the two of them.

"Come here ," he almost whined, reaching out for Billy.

Billy was there in a moment, kissing Steve, finally fucking kissing him, having Steve kiss him back .

His lips felt new, fascinating, exciting, finally, finally there, so soft, so gentle, making Billy's head spin.

He could feel Eddie's heartbeat under his hand where it was tangled in his shirt, while Eddie leaned in to kiss Steve's temple, warm hand running down Billy's back, reassuring, comforting, familiar, grounding .

Eddie's heart was beating as fast as Billy's. This was somehow unbelievably exciting. Steve's was, too, under Billy's other hand. His shirt was very soft.

Billy leaned back to breathe and watch Steve and Eddie kiss some more.

Maybe weird rituals were actually right. Maybe this one was truly worth it.

Billy kissed Steve's cheek, feeling two hands on his belly and his back.

He had never felt more in his place.

[chezzywezzy]

Yandere Birdbox (1/5)

Word count ; 4.0k

*Edited.

*Dedicated to @horrorfan-666-anoynmous. This is gn!reader. The plot will be on the abstract side and it’ll be only me that’ll actually know what’s going through my head explanation-wise. Enjoy :)

The citizens of small town Lacombe, Alberta were already starting to bundle up. It was late October and already the middle-of-nowhere area was starting to feel chills. Many had stocked up on new winter jackets; the shop keepers were already starting to run the heater in the early morning; and those that wandered late at night could see their breath.

It was safe to say the local clothes store was having a run on the winter jackets. And, alike to the other customers, Y/n was quick to hop on the trend. Their cane was outstretched in front of them while a plastic bag dangled from their other hand, tearing at the seams from how large the wooly coat was.

Y/n always appreciated that Lacombe was easy to traverse. There was rarely traffic or people to run into to begin with, and the town was so small they could probably manage to walk from one end to the other in under an hour. It was a quaint place. And, for someone labeled as disabled, that was certainly appreciated.

They ran their cane over the sidewalk, avoiding another street lamp. They came to a grinding halt as they found the ledge, and they pulled their phone from their pocket. Y/n started,” Hey, Siri, is the traffic light green?”

The quiet voice was easily overpowered as cars flew past the curb. That was answer enough, and Y/n expected that the tiny app would tell them when the lights changed, as per usual. They clutched the bag closer to their side, and despite the thick sweater and jeans and boots, Y/n was still feeling the chills of the quickly cooling weather as the days passed.

“Hey, do you need some help getting home?” A young man around Y/n’s age, tatted and pierced up the wazoo, approached. He eyed them in worry, continuing,” If you need directions —“

“Do I look like I need help?” Y/n snapped irritably.

The man was taken aback, and despite recognizing that they were blind as a bat, held his hands up defensively. “Geez, asshole. I was just trying to be nice. You clearly woke up on the wrong side of the fucking bed.”

Y/n didn’t reply. They were ever so slightly irked - even though they consciously knew they shouldn’t be - but chose to ignore the random man. Their foot tapped against the concrete impatiently and their fingers were itching to get back to work.

“…Huh?”

The man furrowed his brows, eyeing the sky. He wasn’t the only one to stop in pure confusion. The entire town of Lacombe came to a screeching halt and perhaps even the earth stopped spinning. Because, descending from the sky, was a large, grey blob. It was far too circular to be a plane, but far too small to be a ship of some sort.

And it was rocketing right toward the center square.

From Y/n’s phone, Siri’s robotic voice chirped,” The light is red.”

Y/n used their cane, stepping off into the street. However, their movements shook the young man free of his paralysis. In horror, he saw that the late, egg-shaped monolith was barreling to the center block, right to where Y/n was intending to walk through.

“Hey, asshole, stop. Don’t walk out into the middle of the street —!”

They paid him no mind. Some women screamed, others gasped, but generally, the consensus was to gain distance from the large, metallic thing. And Y/n, in their blissfully unaware state, had no idea that they were heading into an immediate danger zone.

“Jesus fucking christ!”

The man reached out, grabbing their upper arm. Y/n yelped, the cane being torn from their hold. The young man jerked them back, and Y/n tripped on the ledge. Both went barreling to the ground, the concrete tearing into their clothes, but that was immediately the least of their worries.

It hit. No more than a couple yards away, the unidentified flying object collided into the ground. Smoke and steam poured from it, and very quickly, the streets were rolled over with a thick fog. Y/n and the man began coughing viciously. They covered their mouth, propping themselves up on their elbows.

“The light is green.”

The man peered up, trying his best to stumble to his feet. He was anxious, and his eyes flitted with concern to and from the blind individual, even more confused than anyone else. When he was on his feet, he waved some of the mist away, but he could no longer see the metal sheath as the fog seemingly dispersed into nothing.

And that was what was left. Nothing. The only indication it was there in the first place was a large dent and rapture in the pavement, large cracks crossing all the way to the sidewalk itself. Everyone was slowly gathering, and even the cars had gone into park to see what the commotion was.

“Hey, dude, let me help you up,” the man mumbled, grabbing out to Y/n’s arm.

Y/n, not arguing and far too shaken up by how the earth had rumbled, grasped onto the man and made their way onto their feet. They continued to grip the man tightly, and questions threatened tho escape their lips. The man was still staring warily at where the object once was.

And then, one of those questions escaped.

“What… happened?”

“I - I don’t fucking know. There was some thing in the sky coming right toward the street. It hit not too far from us and, uh… now it’s, like, gone.”

Y/n was too shaken up. Their brows furrowed and they aimed to prod further, but they knew damn well he was as unknowing as the next person. They decided they would just shake it off. They were going to try their best to get to the safety of their home, because whatever happened could’ve been a bomb for all they knew.

They detached from the man. They crouched down, reaching around for their walking cane.

“The light is red.”

A piercing shriek broke out from across the street. Y/n was on their hands and knees in search of the cane, still abandoned a few feet in the street ahead of them. However, both them and the man froze in here confusion. And I ust like that, all panic broke loose.

“Holy fuck!” he exclaimed, stumbling back to a store window and pressing himself against him. “What the hell…”

The woman from across the street suddenly stepped up to a lamppost. All at once, she began bashing her head against it. Others screamed, but what was more terrifying was how certain citizens were completely silent. A hoard began to circle the lamppost, doing the same exact thing.

Suddenly, the cars started up. From each intersection, cars went flying toward one another. Screams echoed the plaza, and all at once, explosions from those imploding in the center ensued. The man was screaming at the top of his lungs.

But Y/n was far too shocked and baffled to know what was going on. For all they knew, a war started. A smoke grenade was set off and everyone was going insane. But what they did know was that screaming wouldn’t do a damn thing, especially with how the wind had picked up and was now howling just as loudly as the shrieks themselves.

Y/n curled up into a ball in on the ground. The cane, finally found, was clutched in their grasp. It didn’t do much, but they shut their eyes tightly and rolled ever so slightly back and forth. Siri’s voice was greatly silenced by the pure mania surrounding them.

“Wh - what…- Hey, asshole, we need to —“

Just like that, an engine roared. The man was cut short as a large truck came barreling across the sidewalk, totaling the man into the store front. The window shattered. Y/n let out a mangled sob, hearing the engine burst. The scene was hardly the most gruesome of their surroundings, but it was bad.

The man’s body was but a splatter of blood and torn flesh. It was a large lump inside the hardware store, and the truck itself had the entire engine shoved through the window. The airbag poured out the open windows, masking the imploded head on a once living human being’s body. The glass had shattered and scattered around the ground, but the tiny shards that dug into Y/n’s pant legs were hardly the greatest of their worries.

“Jace!” a mother bellowed, grasping at her child’s shoulders, not even a hundred yards away. “Jace, what’s wrong? What are you looking at? You’re alright, baby, you’re alright —“

And just like that, a fog passed over her vision. She was not afraid, no; but, alike to her son, she looked so very depressed. Nobody would ever know why, too preoccupied with their own hallucinations. It was frightening how, once the cars went silent, Y/n became dutifully aware of how silent the screams had become.

Because, not too far away, that single mother and her young boy were clawing out their own eyeballs. They did not care how deep their fingers dug into their sockets and how badly it stung to rip their eyes free entirely. They did not care that blood spewed and darkness clouded their vision.

And that was soon because both dropped dead to the ground, too enchanted by the visions they’d witnessed. 

Y/n was only half aware of the fact that people are seeing things. They were being possessed, and whatever that fog was made everyone around them kill themselves. The wind was howling so viciously, whipping Y/n’s body around. They clutched the plastic bag and one to their chest, trying to ignore how wet their jeans were.

‘Look.’

Clear as a bell, a feminine voice whispered to them. Y/n clawed into the ground the best they could, covering their ears. They rocked back and forth, terrified tears continuing to spill  from their eyes.

‘Look, Y/n.’

All at once, it was a chorus. So many different voices, ranging from a small toddler to an old man, were crowding their head. It was awful, because they couldn’t. They couldn’t look and they weren’t sire they wanted to even if they could. Whatever people were witnessing was horrifying and grotesque. 

‘You saw once and you can see again. Look.’

‘To see is beautiful, Y/n. To look is heaven.’

“Stop,” Y/n muttered gruffly, shaking their head. “Shut up. You’re not real.”

‘Look, look, look. To witness is divine.’

Something suddenly smacked across their cheek. It smeared, and Y/n yelped, but it kept returning. Smack. Smack. Smack. Over and over again, the wind brought it back. And then, it was only duplicated. Two wet items were hitting Y/n, and they swatted it away.

At a final swat, they ended up enclosing their hand around the object.

‘Look.’

Y/n squished it. It felt slimy, like jello. And, as they felt around the circular object, they noticed a long thread escape a part of it. The object was so wet, and it didn’t take more than a moment for them to connect the dots. A howl escaped their lips and they dropped the crushed eyeball to the ground.

And then, the wind stopped. The voices stopped. Everything stopped. No more screams, no more crashing cars. Nothing. And that terrified Y/n to their very core.

They released a shaky breath, propping themselves up on their elbows. Y/n eagerly wiped their hand on their jeans, reeling in pure disgust. Their jeans were soaked to the core, and they were more than happy to use their cane to stumble to their feet.

The wind was still howling, and yet, it was as though the entity itself was the wind. Some dead leaves slapped against Y/n’s body, and they used the cane to stabilize themselves. They were hyperventilating crazily.

“The light is green.”

Y/n took their phone out from their pocket. Immediately, they ordered,” Hey Siri, call nine-one-one.”

They wanted to begin shuffling away. But they were still paralyzed in fright, so baffled by the sudden - and seemingly supernatural - turn of events. The phone kept ringing.

And ringing.

And ringing.

Y/n gulped, connecting the dots. The local police station was as fucked as everyone else. They had no idea what was going on, but what they did know was that it was cold and scary and dangerous. And that they needed to go home. Now.

Gulping, they outstretched the cane. They made sure to be precise, waving it in every approaching inch. Halfway across the street, the cane collided right with a hunk of metal, and they scaled the piece, recognizing that a car crash happened right in front of them. They maintained a mental map - if they could even call it that - and made it around the vehicles.

They didn’t hear a single sound, except for their footsteps and the wind. It was deadly silent and it shouldn’t have been. It was odd how, in the span of no more than three seconds, Lacombe had gone from a friendly and quaint village town to a hell-scape. 

They were often bitter about their blindness, but they were now glad they were left unable to witness the events. And, potentially, it had saved their life.

They made it down the sidewalk. There were so many corpses and detached limbs that they tripped frequently. And it made no sense, but it was like the bustling wind was following their every step. It was frightening to know but not see what was going on. But Y/n couldn’t have been more grateful for it.

As they made their way to the small apartment complex, hardly three stories tall and with roughly ten apartments for rent, they passed by the worst gore of all; there was a pyramid of crushed cars and bodies, towering almost as high as the building itself. The pile creaked and swayed with every burst of wind.

Y/n opened the front entrance. They shut and locked the door behind them, already feeling far more safe and secure. They used the cane to traverse the steep steps to the second story, and the moment they felt the familiar apartment door, a sigh of relief escaped.

Shakily, they removed their keys from their pocket. They felt around for the lock before it entered with ease and the door swung open with an eerie creak. Oftentimes, they hated that the neighbors threw constant parties since they belonged to some far more immature young adults. And the apartment directly above their’s was occupied by some abusive couple.

And nothing made them happier than the silence. Or, at least, that would’ve been the case if it wasn’t because an entire population had been slaughtered by unknown attackers.

They shut and locked the door, momentarily pressing their back against it to catch their thoughts. They panted profusely, waiting a brief moment to simply… catch their breath. Think. Because as far as they knew, it was either the end of Canada or the end of the entire world.

Y/n’s apartment was quaint and, right upon walking in, it was clear it belonged to an artist. There were various paint splurges on the wall. Several of their works - or, at least, the most successful - were framed. They weren’t the originals, as some very rich people were instantly captivated by them, but they were the best of the best. Y/n was an artist. And, thanks to her special background, a fairly well-known one.

To the right was a small kitchen with the usual appliances and an island with barstools. Beyond that, a small living room with a couch, coffee table, and their kindle. Right in front, without an especially acquired office, was the place where they painted. An easel, a small desk with a notebook. Drawers with supplies, and many, many blank canvases. Beyond the public living space was a small bed and bathroom, messy and cluttered because the maid hadn’t been around in a few weeks.

They sighed and pushed themself from the wall. They felt disgusting. The first thing they wanted to do was strip off their filthy clothes - even if it was rather chilly inside the apartment - and shower. So, they did just that. And a half hour later, they emerged, towel wrapped around their neck and snuggly adorning fluffy pajamas.

They sat at the island. Their thoughts were still racing, but at least they were more coherently organized. And, as much as they thought to their father, wanting to check up on him, they spoke,” Hey Siri, turn on CBC live.”

Siri did so. The wifi was abnormally slow, and much to their unawareness, didn’t even work thanks to the amount of cars that crashed into telephone lines and electricity servers. The world around them was dying, and the moment the news started, they started realizing it.

“—International tragedy has struck,” the news reporter spoke urgently. “Mass hysteria that leads leading to suicide is occurring worldwide. Scientists and politicians are scrambling to discover the contaminants of the air, if any, and suspect a far deadlier and rapid mutation of dancing mania.

“Religious communities are calling it ‘the end of times.’ Others are insisting it is a long-since-coming alien invasion. There are several videos circulating of egg-shaped pods shooting from the sky. The videos are as can be seen here.”

Y/n grumbled in irritation, hearing the screams and crash from the video. It was displayed in the corner of the phone screen while the news reporter was standing still, clearly sweating bullets. Even the camera man was trembling. The studio was oddly dark, except for the bleeding light from the windows beyond the camera. The video finally stopped.

“…This supposed virus was seemingly first appeared in Los Angelos, California, but many separate clusters have been spotted in Shanghai, London, New York, Brazil, Moscow, and Lagos. We advise that you stay inside your house at all costs. I repeat, stay inside and stay safe —“

The news reporter went silent. Y/n blinked in bafflement, concern growing in their chest. And then the camera man tittered,” John? John, are alright —“

A scream escaped the cameraman. It was live footage of the news reporter himself, John, pushing past the cameraman aggressively. The entire screen became blurry and some cracks covered it. The camera man was pushed and became far too quiet.

Although the view was tilted, it was plain as day that John crashed right through the skyscraper window. The glass shattered. The camera man was crawling toward it just as quickly, blubbering in awe. He was muttering something to himself.

But Y/n had heard enough. “Hey Siri, go to the home screen.”

The phone went silent once the report was completely minimized. Y/n’s ears rang because the silence was utterly deafening. They gulped thickly and their mouth was completely dry. They were thirsty, but for all they knew, whatever was killing the entire world population was in the water, too.

They rose to their feet and went to the fridge. They felt around, knowing it like the back of their hand. In the door shelves were rows of beer. Their immediate action was to pick one up. Y/n one drank a few times a month and saved it for special occasions - after completing a painting, for instance - and the end of the world seemed as good of an excuse as any other.

Their phone was left abandoned on the counter for the time being. They trotted over to the living room and plopped onto the couch. Y/n popped open the beer and took a quick swig. The flinched, not the fondness of the strength of the beverage, but if they was going to die, it was better to die drunk and unaware that one was dying.

Y/n was faced toward the small windows. The walls of the apartment was made of bricks and the floor of wood. It did its job, namely, housing someone, but a complaint of the building was that it wasn’t ‘modern.’ They couldn’t care less since it’s not like they could see the lack of modernity.

And, as proven in this day and age where aliens were apparently invading, it mattered even less. Y/n didn’t care too much about saving their hide. A part of them always wanted to die the day they went blind. That day… Y/n dreaded to remember it. Because they couldn’t. There was nothing to see. Only things to hear. 

They laid back on the couch, kicking their feet up. The beer was abandoned on the coffee table. They crossed their arms after readjusting the pillow. Y/n was consumed by their thoughts, and it struck them as odd that, even in the apocalypse days, they were still consumed with bitterness and selfishness. They knew damn well their life wasn’t supposed to revolve around them being angry at a god that might exist for taking their sight.

Because they knew damn well that not only did other blind people have it far worse, but that other people had it worse. And sometimes, Y/n felt bad that they were so goddamn bitter and mean. But now, it was the end of humanity as everyone knew it. So they didn’t feel nearly as bad because it clearly didn’t matter if aliens were planning to take over.

Y/n forced their mind to become silent. And, somehow, amidst the world ending, they fell right to sleep. The apartment complex was a safe haven, because even upon exiting the front door, there were bodies upon bodies. It was frightening. And it was deadly silent except for the bellowing winds.

It was home. And, as cranky and miserable of a human Y/n was known for being, they were undoubtedly talented. They’d been on many late-night interviews. And even to this day, Y/n was still baffled as to why. Because somehow - despite everything they painted being replications of their dreams - they were ‘profoundly lifelike.’ 

For instance, one of their most recent paintings was recognized as an exact replication of the Kunlun Mountains, as if drawn from memory. And, seeing as they’ve never even left the memory and became blind before they could even think about taking geography, it was truly a miracle.

Next to that was a fairly abstract one; ironically, it was named ‘The End of Days.’ It portrayed a rather ghastly figure, its face scrawled and yet defined. Y/n often had help picking out the paints, but they custom ordered a palette with the brail inscriptions of the colors. And, despite how Y/n often had landscapes drawn that were colorful and captivating, this particular one was dark and dismal, yet used earthy colors such as maroon and brown.

And finally, the ‘portrait,’ as Y/n considered it, that was the breakthrough. It was the painting everyone knew and was the most popular work. It stung them to the core just thinking of it, but even decades later, it was burned into their brains.

‘Last Look.’ The title itself was fairly straightforward. Y/n remembered it like yesterday. 

[s3tok41b4]

I need to say this cause im gonna go insane because JESUS CHRIST how the fuck are people liking Hazbin Hotel? Charlie is a complete spineless pussy, yes i get that she is naive but FUCKING HELL its so exaggerated, shes the Princess Of HELL!! She shouldn't be this fucking naïve. and holy shit that respectless song number infront of zestial. THE GUY IS A FUCKING OVERLORD THATS BEEN RULING FOR CENTURIES (since the middle ages if the way he talks is any hint) AND YET HE LETS SOME WANNABE YOUNG CUNT WHO THINKS HER SHIT DONT STINK TALK TO HIM. COME ON, GIVE YOUR DEMONS SOME FUCKING BALLS, THEY'RE ALL SO COWARDLY.

I swear to god, if the show wasn't made by viv everybody would be fucking shitting on it including her fans. I fucking hate how viv's fanbase are so up her fucking ass that they're too cowardly to voice any sort of critique on it. I've seen a fanbase thats more neutered than an eunuch.

Anyway rant over. thank you for hearing me out

Yeah, at the end of the day the whole thing is just boring :/ even critique watching is pretty hard to get through.

[incarnateirony]

I've been generally... impressed with growth I've seen in the base line of the SPN fandom's dialogue, despite my complaints at certain groups and flares.

When I first hopped off the fence I had watched SPN fandom on for years, even THAT was many years ago.

Back then, this fandom denied a great many things. They refused some things you might laugh at now. The global decline of ratings, for example. Jared stans denied that loudly when they tried to blame Misha for "low ratings", but the second their show crash they tried to use it (incorrectly in a nonapplicable way). Scripts I leaked. Endings I uh. Specced. Maybe even again got mocked for speccing by would be ITKers like Pat, until Dabb confirmed it.

Like. My life is a cycle of posting things and some asshole arguing with me and brushing the results under the rug but

Fandom mostly--MOSTLY--seems to get it. Discourse is opening about corporate structures and trades and potential influences. People are sending good asks, and one not driven purely by a single ship, though sometimes how that ship interplays with this grander media universe.

Which was always kinda the whole point.

I think Tess said it best. (For those that don't know, she was a professional reviewer assigned an episode 300 review so power watched the show for research for the article while livetweeting)

...and it's true.

And I look to the current crowds.

From Amazon, an inbound flow of mature viewership simply discussing the canon that is, laughing off the anti takes this fandom let itself get sucked into for years. They're used to adult storytelling. Whats's canon is canon. Not what personally fulfills our representational wants is canon. Just like. What's canon is canon. Many things it is, but queerbait it isn't.

SPN and CW fandom arguments exist in a bubble, often with young audiences convinced of what "queerbait" means divorced from actual academia, and even more criminal older people with their own agendas, sometimes even dog whistles, sending them out and blinding them so deeply that a clutch of largely 20 year old women feel entitled to even harass, attack, or wish failure on middle aged queer men for not writing middle aged queer men the way 20 year old women wanted, and didn't fight "hard enough" for them, the 20 year old women scream as they crack the whip at creators in shit situations.

But then to act SO GODDAMN SMUG because all your twitter friends believe the same thing with equally shallow effort, convincing yourselves it's progressive, and just LECTURING people looking up from like. Their actual LGBTQ histories, discussions, communities, going "genuinely, what the fuck is wrong with you, shut up"

But I think this flare of QUEERBAIT is a sort of culture shock response. These people are VERY CONFUSED. SPN fandom has let these poor definitions, poor applications, and absolutely terrible academic or historic lgbtq media knowledge be normalized in a sort of "all opinions about how media should work are equal", and it's not. Because like [gestures at my wall trying to keep people from getting lost in the WBD merger]

They want to put that point back in. SPN's audience is suddenly maturing, and being TREATED by this new Amazon audience LIKE The Boys or Mad Men in discussion. And soon, eventually, HBO too.

It seems to be MOSTLY, but not exclusively, younger people, that deeply crave a simple point or objective to fight towards, something you can take a hammer to or throw a molotov through a window and fix, and I'm sorry, part of growing up in the LGBTQ community is realizing it's never, ever that simple, and figuring out sometimes abstract or bizarre compensation methods to fight against our marginalized status without stepping on each other's feet.

So let's make sure we're not cracking the whip on people for, say, performing their own representation demographic well for us while snapped in shackles with a shock collar. Jesus christ.

And yeah, if you missed it, another Queerbait Scholar came out. Trotted out the normal fandom talking points. Tried to declare about degrees and education, pasted a citation

...gave away they've never done research in their life, as the academic paper they cited was a small piece that mapped out argued definitions and, ultimately, disassembled her argument piece by piece about the damages that come with bad faith readings like hers, with a fairly strong conclusion that in no upside down world could be conveyed as even lightly compatible with her point. Like literally, it's very clear she googled keywords trying to force a biased result, read a google truncation, and hit Ctrl+F without reading any surrounding content, because it was like a dissertation DESIGNED to end her.

And we've let this kind of bullshit drive us a while.

I'm glad. I'm glad a lot of people have turned around, but I'm also quite sad that there's others just seeming to double down and increase their violence against LGBTQ content and creators to compensate, screaming "I'M FIGHTING FOR YOU" while mentally pummeling the fuck out of those creators for trying.

I can't emphasize this enough. For all the pomp of her, the people she was trying to downtalk at in huge Dunning-Kruger in a neon lit exhibit display--everyone else read what she cited. She didn't, as was evident by her citing it.

The labor of YOUR ignorance already isn't OURS to deal with to begin with, but to attach that to INTENTIONAL ignorance, the REFUSAL to listen even when redirected to READ ONES OWN CITATION as actually being COUNTER to your argument--that's BEYOND the pall. That's not even just like, anti-intellectual. It's just being a dishonest piece of shit trying to pitch your personal wants beyond active warriors IN the community. Jesus what the fuck? If your best attempted google fu of no doubt suggestive string words only found a paper telling you that you're wrong, maybe you should listen to the elders that have been telling you to STOP ATTACKING QUEER CREATORS STUCK IN LIMITED SITUATIONS FOR YEARS. But of course, they double down instead, because that avoids having to face the impact of their PAST behavior then. (Or maybe it's just addiction to those sweet, sweet likes and trying to grab them before the claim's popularity goes entirely extinct.)

There's a desire for simplicity, but it's not there guys. Let me emphasize. Almost any single scholarly piece on this that ISN'T a self published piece of nonsense someone points at their own work on? Is gonna say the same thing. The same thing has been said for decades. Berens argued the same in 2003. This isn't new. Yall backwards

Whatever this impregnable wall of bitterness impervious to realities from public common knowledge to their own citations is, it's not progress. It looks alien from the outside, even in actual academic LGBTQ media discussions. You normalized it in a bubble.

The fight for progress is hard and complex and probably kind of disorienting and scary when you're new. There's oppression from above and limitations from within and DECADES of complicated discourse of where moral responsibility lies in support of the content despite shortcomings

None of this, I mean absolutely NONE OF THIS is new. It's a highly explored, delicate and nuanced conversation held for decades--less with changed popular opinion, and more with importance of new scopes like the internet or social media.

But somehow we have one cluster of like a dozen people in each CW teen scifish fandom that absolutely trained themselves into believing their unbridled unforgiving scorched earth bitter hell is "THE" LGBTQ way. Rather than one the community has called destructive or limiting to us in some form, for decades.

You don't get to redefine things and change how it works when you don't even UNDERSTAND how it works. You definitely don't get to pretend it's all the other decades more immersed activists in and WELL BEYOND SPN FANDOM that have it fucked up and YOU TEN are the right ones. Jesus

I'm tired of these perpetual aggressions against queer content and creators from SUPPOSED supporters that are VERY SRS ABOUT REP but can't even read the ABSTRACT or scroll to the CONCLUSION before deciding to cite a piece from a google truncation.

I'm genuinely starting to think there's some terfy ass radfem dogwhistling going on consciously from that corner at this point. There's a level of shamelessness that, even when confronted with their own source telling them they were wrong, they double down.

Because if a bunch of 20 year old women decide to tell a bunch of 40 year old queer men how to write 40 year old queer men to the point of encouraging SPITE AND HARASSMENT, that's it. You're not fighting for the 40 year old queer men. Stop pretending you are. If you wanna say you hate gay men or got issues with them then like, get out and go until you take care of that shit. Because this is looking like a very gay creative room, and we don't need bad faith actors tearing them apart pretending it's as an Ally.

If your wish ultimately boils down to wishing failures on a predominantly LGBTQ creative team, I don't care what you gift wrap it in, it's still shit. You're not an ally or friend in this fight.

Can't believe this fandom hears shit like "real activism takes education and nuanced engagement, not quick responses and hammers, not all moments are portland riots resisting the cops, we wouldn't be here that way; use words correctly, so we can actually address the issues we're facing, actually identifying queerbait, or other issues in the system, because if we know what the problems are each to their own we can start addressing them--to support creatives while fighting back against abusive corporations without hurting those creatives. We can't if we just throw 'everything I don't like or wasn't enough for me' in the same fucking bin. And nobody can even pretend the demand for the right to do so services any action. Their intent isn't action. It's noise.'" and pretends these are irrational or unfair statements.

They're ripping apart the people actually taking action.

For the last SEVERAL years whatever Supernatural fandom has had hasn't even remotely looked like real world activism in representation expansion discussions. It looks like a bunch of people who grew up trained in a normalized thunderdome of bad fandom talking points they don't know better than which have moved the entire fucking talking centers off into another fucking solar system from most of the world. It's bloodsport posing as activism, addiction to conflict rather than discussion of advancement, progress, tactics, or celebrating the content they DO manage to make in a warped system.

[wahbegan]

H.P. Lovecraft Summaries 2

My post “So you’re new to H.P. Lovecraft” has gotten a couple notes recently and i’m reading a book of his stories right now, so what better time to educate you all with brief summaries of some of his work! I did the more famous ones last time, so let’s do a few beloved ones sprinkled in with a lot of weird and/or very racist crap everyone forgets about!!! I promise to be as objective and informative as possible. So let’s get started!

The Terrible Old Man: You know that movie Don’t Breathe? Like that, but instead of a blind psycho it’s a ghost....pirate....psycho? Also more racist The Cats of Ulthar: I FUCKING LOVE CATS I LOVE CATS SO FUCKING MUCH IF YOU LAY ONE FINGER ON A KITTY CAT I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU I WILL LITERALLY FUCKING MURDER YOU YOU SON OF A BITCH I HATE YOU I FUCKING HATE YOU I HOPE CATS EAT YOU ALIVE YOU BASTARD MAN The Statement of Randolph Carter: Not gonna lie, this one kinda reads like a man hook hand car door story The Picture in the House: You know how when you reach a certain age, you just start eating human flesh? Old people, man. Fucking terrifying The Hound: Don’t rob graves or the Hound of the Baskervilles will get you. Also my evil glowing dog has bat wings, so eat your fucking heart out, ARTHUR. Herbert West-Reanimator: Maybe after the first 20 times you try to bring a dead person back to life and end up making a cannibal zombie, you can’t complain when it ends with cannibal zombies eating you. Wait, there’s no racial parable in this, is there? Quick! Describe the black boxer as an ape and a thing! The Horror at Red Hook: I fucking HATE Middle-Easterners. I’m not joking, I hate them. I fucking hate them so fucking much I want to just fumigate the fucking-what? Oh, yeah, horror story uhhhhhh ffffucking Lilith or some shit, yeah, fuck it, that’ll do. Facts Concerning The Late Arthur Jermyn and his Family: I’m not sure if I made it clear enough, so let me spell it out: I think Africans are descended from apes and if i found out i had ONE SINGLE DROP of black blood in me, i would LITERALLY light myself on fire. The Unnamable: Idk why i tried marketing this as a short story when it’s very obviously just a very verbose, loquacious, long-winded, some might even say purple prose way of saying: Fuck you saying my monsters are indescribable is cool and makes sense you just don’t get it. The Festival: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA FUCK MY ANCESTORS ARE WORM PEOPLE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA CHRISTMAS IS EVIL (relatable) (best story on this list tbh) The Dream Quest of Unknown Kadath: HOURS of fucking around just to reveal that no dream could ever be as lovely and beautiful as MY HOME IN SUBURBAN NEW ENGLAND I LOVE IT AND EVEN THE GODS ARE JEALOUS. P.S. I would rather befriend and learn the language of a literal corpse-eating ghoul than trust an Asian person. On the Creation of NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK???? WHAT THE FUCK?!?! THIS IS A THING HE WROTE???? THIS IS WAY WORSE THAN THE FUCKING CAT WHY DIDN’T ANYONE TELL ME ABOUT THIS JESUS FUCKING CHRIST