#like literally i look my psychologist in the eye and I KNOW that woman doesn't actually SEE

[teteminne]

I think its very funny how I never really understood why neurodivergent characters in movies and TV shows that had mental health issues and such were always so resistant to get treatment, as in going to a neuro, a psychiatrist or a psychologist - until I became the neurodivergent person with mental illness and had to see neuros, psychiatrists, and psychologists. All of a sudden Season 1 Ep 1 Will Graham made so much sense to me. Like, actually, these damn doctors fumbling around in my head without ever really fucking understanding me fucking suck, and I'd dearly like to never see one again. If I do that I'll die tho

[outsidereveries]

in the eight issue you will see...

how hyolyn is viewed by her seniors and juniors: the male idols see her as someone who brings the older generations back in one way or another, perhaps they feel that nostalgia from that time via hyolyn herself. they appreciate her for her versatility and talents. the female idols on the other hand see her as very impactful woman, they might idolise her in one point or another. i can see the other female idols see hyolyn as someone who is destined to be a trendsetter in some way, or to change her industry. they also appreciate her balanced personality.

seventeen, bts bond: overall their bond (between the two groups) is individual by its own and i can see that some members are more close than others (like jungkook and mingyu). both groups can be accepted as quite close while not communicating often (obviously why) in my opinion.

evnne career reading (until march 24'): they have the chance to become more relevant, possibly on tiktok or another social media. i do see someone shining more than the rest of the boys, possibly an earth sun sign idol /jeonghyeon, seungeon/.

how zb1 see evnne: zb1 are very optimistic for evnne and their future, so overall the thoughts are very positive! they wish only great things to happen^^

cha eunwoo, ideal type: someone real. he seems to be into these people who are authentic to their true self, no matter if he likes their personality fully or not. he might be into these type of smart people who know what and when they have to do everything when it's needed. someone who's organized by schedule if that's possible and also very chill. i do see some distinctive things such as weaker immune system (might have to wear warmer clothes in fickle or colder weather, i do imagine them wearing hats, bigger scarfs and puffer jackets around that time), making long skincare routines (possibly due to their skin, if it's more sensitive), being more emotional (like raw emotions all over themselves when they share everything surrounding themselves to eunwoo) only in front of him but have an emotionless face in front of other people, adventures (like bungee jumping!). possibly manager/ceo or similar job, related to (some sort of) leadership.

onlyoneof rie, ideal type: in the most positive way possible, i see rie is into these type of people who are struggling, like literally (mental, physical, financial even). i've seen similar things for other idols (that they see someone who's struggling as their ideal type) and as long i try to be as neutral as possible, rie is just the most optimistic out of all of them. he literally wants to be the "superman" in their eyes, like a psychologist, consult or dietolog. he seems to be into people who can be their best version of themselves when they're by his side. i am not sure if these thoughts of him are healthy or toxic, but i feel he is geniune and means well. he wants to be useful for someone and more or less to find his purpose of life. so overall keywords, he doesn't care about specific traits, he just wants to be by their side, no matter if they're good or bad.

jude bellingham, ideal type: someone whose life is very dynamic (similar to his, so possibly in the same or as public environment as his), who is very honest and doesn't sugarcoat everything they say. i don't see anything else but they can be in the law field or doing everything very fast too.

what svt mingyu feels towards jeon somi: very hopeful, very nice feelings from what i see and feel. mingyu seems to like somi a lot (i'll let other speculations be as what it is because it can be both options) and would really like to be at least very good friends. he seem to believe they would match!!

ateez, general reading: not that well as it seems, the boys seem to be in some form of isolation, i personally think that dramatic moment that I saw had happened, it looks like it's another thing though, I remember sunny (from X) has said that a producer or someone from the company, cannot remember, might depart from kq and it looks like it or similar thing has happened because ateez seem to be very dependant on that person, nothing else

yunho ateez, ideal type: basically, ✨the dream girl✨. i don't see any significant traits except optimistic, positive, dreamy, very romantic, like it feels like it's too obvious.

onlyoneof mill, ideal type: similar as jude bellingham, mill is possibly into people who are brutally honest, true to themselves (maybe less than eunwoo if i have to compare) but also very persistant, stubborn too i'd say at some point. alao innocent, clever, similar qualities and traits

what jungkook thinks of the drama uk army did: i believe he is indifferent and doesn't care. i can see that he thinks positively about that because he believes this brings more success to seventeen as a group.

zb1, 2024 career: at some point it will backfire the relevance they'll build with the time - from this uuuuup to this loooooow. i can see that it will be very great in the beginning but until the end, it will be worse than the beginning.

gunwook's relevance after 2nd comeback (the request was after crush era but since it passed when i asked, i modified it): probably the same as previous eras (only relevant to these who bias him). his popularity is unstable and might not work as expected but it definitely won't be enough, he seems to be not appreciated enough from netizens :(

update, hao's career after zb1: quite dynamic, he will still leave yuehua, but after that, nothing else, whatever the fate is for him, it will happen. i still see the same shit, i am sorry :((

due to limit of hashtags, the 8th issue stops here.

[lilgayducky]

Ughhhhshshhd

Okay, so I'm lesbian right. And sometimes I get so mad because me and my gf will never be able to have a child that is biologically related to both of us. At least not yet. Science is advancing and there are more options for people wanting to both be involved like one doing IVF with her eggs and the other housing the baby. But even so... it's not the same as both being biologically related, and all involve a doner. A doner which many parents never know because they are often anonymous. I don't want my kid looking from some dude I never met. Also, I really really want my child to look like both of us. I want them to have my gfs beautiful chocolate brown skin, my hazel eyes, our hair combined into a dark wavy brown. Literally so perfect and amazing. But nope. Even if science does manage to make stem cells possible, it will be Hella expensive. No way we could afford it. Especially since I wanna be a teacher. My gf wants to either be like a psychologist or lawyer but even so, money ain't gonna be easy in this economy. Plus, we are both lesbian females. Not much going for us there. We are lucky to live in a safer country with lower discrimination, but that doesn't mean it doesn't happen. I am proud of being a lesbian woman, but sometimes I just wanna curl up and cry because I just wanna have a baby who looks like both of us who we can both care for and who can grow old with us and be amazing and unique and who we can educate and grow with and who can also educate us at the same time. If only.

[famous-aces]

Marilyn Monroe

Who: Marilyn Monroe (born Norma Jeane Mortenson) 

What: Actress, Model, and Singer

Where: American-Jewish (active largely in US)

When: June 1, 1926 - August 4, 1962

(Image Description: a photo of Marilyn Monroe by Richard Avedon from 1957. It is a black and white image showing Monroe on a sparkly dress from the waist up. It almost feels weird to describe her, her face is so famous. She is a white pale woman with an oval face and heavily lidded eyes with long lashes. She has full lips with a beauty mark beside them. She is wearing makeup and has her trademark short, curly, blonde hair. She has her arms hanging limply at her side. Instead of posing sexily she looks to be lost in thought, looking somewhere off camera. End ID) 

Marilyn Monroe is The Hollywood Beauty. The quintessential sexy starlet. Even if you have never seen a movie with her in it, you know who she was, a bit like possible aces I have covered before Andy Warhol or Sir Isaac Newton, you can picture her in your mind just by existing in Western popular culture. She has become a part of our communal consciousness. Her life was brief and marked by tragedy below the glitz and glamor. Her biggest role was playing Marilyn Monroe.

She was intelligent, warm, and a gifted actress, but she is rarely remembered for that. She is far better remembered for singing Happy Birthday to her sometime beau President Kennedy and for the scene in The Seven Year Itch when wind from a subway grate blows up her skirt. You've seen it. Really her whole persona was often created rather than who she really was. She was an actress in her real life, unfortunately.

Monroe actually came into the spotlight in the Second World War when she posed for photos for the boys on the front. From there her modeling, singing, and acting career skyrocketed. Until her tragic death at the age of 36 she was among the go-to actresses for those sexpot roles especially in comedies. Her death by potentially intentional drug overdose (discovered by her psychologist) is just one piece of the evidence of how much of her life was hidden, like her struggles with substance abuse and mental health.

She was famous for playing Blond Bombshells and Dumb Blonds.  She was all beauty, glamor, and sex appeal and it earned her millions of dollars. She always wanted to be more though, unfortunately she never really got it. "Please don't make me a joke," she told a journalist, "End the interview with what I believe...I want to be an artist, an actress with integrity...I want to grow and develop and play serious dramatic parts. My dramatic coach tells everyone that I have a great soul, but so far nobody's interested in it." 

She is best known for as an icon and emblem of the popular culture of the 1950s and early 1960s, but her most definitive/important roles include All About Eve (1950) (a small role that would lead to her "discovery" and contract with 20th Century Fox), Monkey Business (1952), How to Marry a Millionaire (1953), Niagara (1953), Gentlemen Prefer Blondes (1953), The Seven Year Itch (1955), Some Like it Hot (1959), The Misfits (1961), and her final film, released posthumously as a short, Something's Gotta Give (1962). She also sang "Diamonds are a Girl's Best Friend" and the very sexually charged "Happy Birthday Mr. President" (just the song here). 

(Image Description: the poster for Gentlemen Prefer Blondes. It shows drawings of Jane Russel and Marilyn Monroe in red costumes the size and shape of one piece bathing suits that are sheer or pink on top. They have on red top hats and long black and white necklaces. They have black canes and are dancing with one leg upraised. Behind them is a busy Paris scene done in a more cartoony/simplified style. There are musical notes around them. Their names are above their heads in blue.  Below them on a black rectangle it says (in white and orange) "in Howard Hawks' Gentlemen Prefer Blondes [in] Technicolor" below that rectangle but above the studio info in blue it says "co-starring Charles Coburn". End ID) 

Probable Orientation: Mspec Ace

Oh, I am going to get a lot of hate for this one.

And a lot of people are going to show a lot of misogyny and aphobia, be it overt, unintentional, or internalized.  Indeed the first thing the first (allo) person I told these findings to said "but she had a ton of sex!" Yes, that is true, she did, and so do some other aces.

Not to mention that Monroe's relationship with sex was a complicated one. A very complicated one. Monroe had a deeply traumatic childhood (mentally ill mother, tossed between foster homes and orphanages) and married extremely young -- she had turned 16 just two and a half weeks earlier -- to prevent her from becoming homeless and returned to the orphanage after her most recent foster family planned on moving out of state and leaving her behind. Then while working a munitions plant in L.A. she became a model for the troops in World War II, aged 18. From her teen years she was made aware that sex was expected from her, thrust into adulthood and positions she might not have been comfortable with. She was a beautiful woman and people wanted her and she accepted that because it did get her what she wanted.

(Image Description: the 1944 factory photos that launched Monroe's modeling career, taken by David Conover for Yank Magazine at the Radioplane Munitions Factory in which she worked. Interestingly the commanding officer that sent him to take the photos was Ronald Reagan. The photo shows an 18-year-old Monroe. She is holding a small propeller and is beside some kind of red machine. She is wearing a simple green top and gray bottoms with a photo ID badge at her waist. She wears a wedding ring. She has much frizzier brown hair. She is smiling broadly. End ID)  

Over the course of her life she was in love with and had sexual relationships with many different men and women. That doesn't mean she was sexually attracted to them. Indeed throughout her life she had a lot of difficulty with sex. She didn't like it. She thought she must have been doing it "wrong" and stated that a lot of her sex appeal was applied to her rather than something she felt. She was playing to the crowd. Which makes sense, Monroe was a people pleaser. She desired closeness, she romantically loved many people, I have no doubt, and from the time she was a teenager the best appreciated way to show it was by being sexual. The fact that later in life she had a sexual encounter with a literal 16-year-old when she was 30 shows she had a pretty fucked up understanding of what was appropriate sexually. The 16-year-old was the leader of her fan club, she also had an affair with her acting coach, her first husband was her neighbor who was kind to her. She was loving the people who loved her and was showing it the way society told her to. (On her being mspec, there were several women she had affairs with, including the fan and acting coach mentioned above, indeed it has been speculated she was more attracted to women than men).

No matter how she appeared on screen, she voiced fear that she was broken and frigid to her psychologist (who agreed with her) because she didn't really enjoy/want sex.  The desire of wanting to fix herself and wanting to please the people who loved her and who she may have romantically loved in return. She probably romantically loved some of these people but didn't know how to separate that from the sexual aspect or didn't want to lose them if she did. She was giving them what they wanted and expected and what culture told her was essential to normal loving relationships.

Her sexual "failure" was a subject she returned to often in therapy throughout her life. She had only one sexual encounter she actually said she enjoyed and it seemed to be more of a relief because it made her normal than what she got from the sex itself.

She said again and again that she wasn't the sexpot people thought she was, nobody listened.

(Image Description: a series of photos from a photoshoot from Life Magazine. It shows Monroe at home in 1953, a huge year in her career. The photographer is Alfred Eisenstaedt [a photographer of whose work I am extremely fond]. They show Monroe wearing a dark turtleneck and checkered trousers. She is in a bunch of different positions and wearing different expressions. Some of these appear candid and others posed. I am especially fond of one in the middle in which she appears to be trying to stop herself from laughing or sneezing. I like to imagine it is the former. It is very human. End ID)

“People had a habit of looking at me as if I were some kind of mirror instead of a person. They didn’t see me, they saw their own lewd thoughts, then they white-masked themselves by calling me the lewd one.”

-Marilyn Monroe

"I never quite understood it, this sex symbol. I always thought symbols were those things you clash together! That's the trouble, a sex symbol becomes a thing. I just hate to be a thing. But if I'm going to be a symbol of something I'd rather have it sex than some other things they've got symbols of."

—Monroe in an interview for Life in 1962 (both of these quotes illustrate that her "sex appeal" was manufactured and applied rather than her own natural state. Her audience made it clear what they wanted and she played to it.)

"A man who had kissed me once had said it was very possible that I was a lesbian because apparently I had no response to males - meaning him...I didn't contradict him because I didn't know what I was... Now, having fallen in love, I knew what I was. It wasn't a lesbian."

-Marilyn Monroe in her autobiography My Story (written 1954, published 1974). (Note that she has "no response". She loves a man, this one or another, but she has "no response" to men physically. That is the only response he could comment on, her physical one. Clearly she feels some kind of attraction to someone eventually, but not sexually/physically. It is the difference between romantic and sexual love. It also shows that homosexuality and asexuality have always overlapped.)

"Primary frigidity" 

-the diagnosis from Monroe's therapist Dr. Ralph Greenson, he worked to "cure" her of this "frigidity"

“Maybe I’m a sexless sex goddess.” 

– Marilyn Monroe to Life magazine journalist Richard Meryman, 1961

(Image Description: a photo of Marilyn Monroe behind the scenes on the set of The Misfits in 1960, photographed by Inge Morath.  She is leaning across a table and smiling at someone to the right of the frame. She has tired eyes. End ID) 

[smstransformers]

Lost Light Apartment Careers

Rodimus: Police officer. Trying to work his way up to being captain. Think's he'll never be as good as Orion Pax. Is correct.

Minimus: Police officer, a sergeant who doesn't stop working and won't accept a report if it isn't absolutely perfect.

Prowl: Police Officer, Detective, partners with Chromedome. One of the best detectives in the precinct, but not very well liked. Has gone through many partners due to everyone's hatred towards him. They usually end up requesting a new partner. Chromedome is his latest one, and everyone bets on how long he'll last.

Springer: Police officer, currently captain. A bit tense and doing his best to remember what Kup taught him. Makes some mistakes but is a good captain.

Chromedome: Police officer, transferred to a new precinct so he can be closer and live with Rewind. Only moved in with his boyfriend recently. A bit weirded out by Prowl.

Rewind: Data Analyst, loves his job more than anything and will analyze data out of work. Records everything, much to everyone's annoyance.

Whirl: Security guard/bouncer. Will fuck you up. Has gotten fired for starting bar fights, and not stopping them like she's supposed to. Lets underage people in clubs, even though she can tell when somoene has a fake ID.

Megatron: Used to be the leader of a gang, ex-hitman ect. Should be in jail, and thinks his gang has scattered and is no more, unfortunately, this is not the case. Now has picked up a job as an English teacher at a public school. Refuses to give up information to the cops about his gang, even though it's a case they haven't been able to solve in years.

Drift: What does he do? How does he get so much money? No one knows.

Ratchet: Head surgeon at the local hospital, also owns a clinic near the apartment block that offers free medical care to those who can't afford it. He works A LOT. Spends more time at the clinic and the hospital than he does at home.

Tarn: Took over as leader of the gang after Megatron left. Has much rage at Megatron's abandonment, and is looking for him everywhere. Will not stop if anyone gets in his way. Lots of white collar crime, and will plan heists and kill/torture people for money.

Pharma: Is almost equal to Ratchet in rank, but not quite. Is incredibly resentful about it because he thinks he is the better doctor. Scoffs at Ratchet's medical clinic, and spends most of his time at the hospital, or secretly hooking up with Tarn. And sneaking out organs and other body parts to give to the DJD.

Sideswipe: Translator and businessman, owns the building. Travels a lot for work, and can speak a lot of languages because of it. Usually, brings Sunstreaker with him when he travels. Dropped out of high school to pursue career, and it worked out quite well.

Sunstreaker: Freelance artist. Has illustrated for books and done animations, but loves paintings murals.

Skids: Still studying at university, has multiple majors. Gets perfect scores in them all. Could probably graduate uni early, but he enjoys learning. Has a job as a cashier to bring in cash for rent. Also roommates with Nautica, who's also studying and works as a cashier alongside him.

Fortress Maximus: Doesn't have a job yet, living off government compensation.

Perceptor: Scientist. Metallurgy and electrical engineering. Loves his job, and spends most of his time working.

Brainstorm: Weapons engineer. A literal Tony Stark. Wants to work with Perceptor, but gets rejected every time. Has also gotten kicked out for trying to sneak into Perceptors lab. Develops new and dangerous weapons, but keeps the most dastardly ones for himself.

Cosmos: Astronomer.

Waspinator: Unemployed. Hovers around and lives in the alley.

Soundwave: Used to be a part of Megatron's gang, but abandoned it as well. Now works as a computer software engineer.

Swerve: Works a bartender, trying to save up to open his own bar. Is failing, always ends up spending saved up money on drinks, video games or excessive amounts of junk food.

Rung: Psychologist. Most of his patients are also his neighbors. Likes to volunteer his time at public schools to lend proper help to struggling students

Cyclonus: History professor at the local university. Hates all her students. Scariest teacher ever.

Tailgate: Quit her job as a garbage woman, and is currently looking to either study, or find a job that doesn't involve cleaning up trash.

____

If I missed anyone just pop them in my ask and I'll answer it :)