#like my aunt is a doctor so when i was 11 my mom decided that it'd be cheaper to have HER pierce my ears at home-

[wild-lavender-rose]

Hi, can I beg you for the 11 doctor x nonbinary reader? About maybe how the doctor helps them with their dysphoria and/or family issues (makes them comfortable or something like that)? I would seriously appreciate it because I need something like that right now....

Hey! So I will say that I struggled with how to write this one and finally decided to do a “would include” type fic for your request. I hope this helps <3 

The 11th Doctor coming with you to family events would include...

Warning: toxic family dynamics, degradation

- You would be trying to prepare him for weeks, explaining your family dynamics, assuring him that the things he might witness were totally normal.

- The doctor never quite seemed to understand why all this information was important. “Yes, yes, yes, I’ve got it. Aunt Ruby is a bore, cousin Albert thinks he’s the best thing to walk the earth and your mom is nosier than me. Why should all this matter? You’re grown up enough, aren’t you?” He would stop and think about it, looking at you. “You are grown up enough, right? I won’t be charged with kidnapping or something, will I?” 

- You took hold of his jacket and looked him in the eye. “Just don’t, say anything. All right?” 

- He just regarded you. “Never seen you this worked up before.” 

- You didn’t answer him. You never did. You just kept trying to prepare him for the inevitable. 

- When the day of the event came, you and the doctor got all dressed up and walked in only a few minutes late. 

- Which was when it all began. 

- “So, your mother told me you ran off to be a tramp or something. Who’s this?” 

- “Didn’t think I’d see you here, sweetheart. Where did you get those clothes, the thrift store?” 

- “I see you’re still not married. If I were you, I’d settle down with the doctor here. Before it’s too late.” 

- “How are your studies coming along? Your mother told me you were traveling with the doctor here. Wouldn’t you say it’s time to return to the real world and focus on what matters?”

- The questions and comments went on for three hours. 

- True to his word, and much to your surprise, the doctor stayed silent. 

- He would give a thin smile and an occasional nod, but would otherwise offer no comment in any of the conversations. 

- The doctor never stopped holding your hand, sometimes squeezing it so tightly that it would have hurt had you not been squeezing back just as much. 

- As awful as the event was, him beside you was like having a lifeline in the middle of a hurricane. 

- But once it was all over and the two of you were back in the Tardis, then, and only then, did the doctor release everything he had held in. 

- “Can you believe it, them calling you a failure! You perfect, beautiful little human, a failure. That’s absurd. That’s it! We’re leaving. I’m taking you back to your family’s ancestral ape tribe. Hopefully we’ll be able to prevent whatever rock slide landed on their heads and preserve at least a little bit of intelligence to be carried down through the generations!”

- That’s about when the doctor would notice that you had sunk down to the floor panels sobbing. 

- The Tardis hummed sympathetically as he walked around to find you like that. 

- “Darling, come here.” The doctor would sit down on the floor beside you and pull you into his arms. “It’s all right, love. It’s over.” His fingers would card through your hair, rubbing your back, rocking you gently. “You’re never going through that again.” 

- “I have to,” you cried, face buried in his shoulder. “They’re my family.” 

- “And what does that mean, hmm?” The doctor shifted to look you in the eye, brushing the tears from your cheek. “No one, absolutely no one, should talk to you like that love. You are too good for that, for them.” 

- You’d nod, a fresh wave of tears blurring your vision. “I love you.” 

- “Ugh, mushy.” The doctor would make a face for a moment before shaking out of it. “Sorry. Habit.” 

- He’d smirk when you laughed at him, pressing a kiss to your forehead. “I love you too. So very very much.” 

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[queeniecook]

May 11

I asked Rahmi to accompany me to Brindleton Bay today. I didn’t want to be alone on a car trip that is more than an hour. I may not be near my due date yet but things can happen. I don’t want to risk it. Plus, it was nice to get to hang out with her again.

“This is a really pretty town, I love the ocean!” Rahmi told me excitedly. It’s the most happy I’ve seen her in a while. She doesn’t say much about it but I know she’s having a rough time right now with her divorce and Thomas trying to take the farm from her.

“I do miss this place sometimes.” I admitted. Henford-on-Bagley is my home now but Brindleton Bay will always hold a special place in my heart. Just like Windenburg did for Mom.

Rahmi decided to explore the town while I went to talk to Dakota.

He was on the phone with Lilith when I arrived. I guess she wants a spell done to keep out Count Vladislaus Straud from the Vatore Mansion. I feel like there’s a story there but I’m not going to pry.

“I’ll see what I can find in my spell book and get back to you.” Dakota told her before hanging up.

He surprised me and maybe even himself by grabbing me, gently, and giving me a huge hug. We haven’t seen each other in a while.

“You look beautiful as always, pregnancy agrees with you.” Dakota told me before releasing me. Then he said something that went straight to my heart. “I have lunch in the kitchen, want to eat?”

“Sorry I didn’t call first.” I said between stuffing my face with chicken sliders. 

“Don’t worry about it, Vera.” Dakota assured me. There was no sign of Jillian or Joey, they were both at work. Which was good because I kind of wanted to just talk to Dakota. I had a mission, not that I don’t miss talking to him, but I had a specific reason for seeking him out.

After lunch, we went into the living room.

“Next month is my due date.” I started, looking over at him. “I’m worried about things possibly going wrong.”

Dakota nodded his head and waited for me to continue.

“We hired Annalise back as my doctor. Just in case any supernatural things occur during delivery concerning the baby.” I explained. I saw him react briefly by knitting his eyebrows together but he remained silent, letting me speak. I appreciated it. “But, there’s still James…Lilith will be there, which will be good. Not only she is the baby’s Aunt but she can provide protection.” I added, blowing out a breath. “I was wondering and I know it’s a lot to ask…”

Dakota spoke, picking up my trailing off as his cue to say something. “Of course I’ll help.”

I blinked in surprise, for some reason I didn’t think him agreeing would be that easy but I forgot. I’m dealing with Dakota. I felt tears starting to well up in my eyes and I blinked more to stop them. I felt a huge relief at the idea of having Dakota around to combat James.

“Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to actually be in the room…watching you give birth to another man’s baby.” Dakota told me point blank. I nodded. “But I will be there, outside the room, standing guard. I’ll figure out a protection spell and do some research on anything else that may help.”

“Thank you.” I told him softly. 

“I’m always going to have love for you, Vera. Even though I’m pretty sure I’m falling in love with Jillian and the idea of having a future with her makes me happy and hopeful.” Dakota said honestly. 

I smiled at him “You’ll always have a special place in my heart too.” It’s true, I love Caleb and I don’t regret choosing him at all. I know he’s the one I’m meant to be with but I do believe sometimes, that a heart can love so much that it can love more than one. “I really am happy for you and Jillian. She’s a great girl and you make each other happy, so consider me one of the Jakota cheerleaders.”

Dakota chuckled at my words and stood up, I looked up at him “I need help.” I told him. I’m used to my couch at home, the couch at the Laws/Gates residence sits lower.

Dakota briefly smirked and I gave him a small glare before he heled out his hands. I grabbed them and for a moment. A brief moment, I thought maybe my life would have been more simple if I had chosen Dakota instead. I would have been happy with him too. I blinked my eyes and the moment passed.

The weird thing is, I think Dakota had that moment of thought too.

[muchamusedaboutnothing]

Heart of a Hunter Act VII - Ch. 11

Heart of a Hunter Act VII - Ch. 11

Characters: Dean x doctor!Reader, Sam Winchester

This story is Act 7 of a saga.

New to the story? Get caught up on the Heart of a Hunter Saga here.

All your favorite Winchesters are alive, in spite of the curse that nearly took them from you. After coming so close to losing the only family you have left in this world, you’re taking matters into your own hands. There’s a witch to hunt.

Series Warnings:

Character injuries/sickness - Take note that no one is excluded from this.

Canon-typical violence and language.

Lots of whump.

Lots of caring for hurt characters.

Smut (18 Only. NSFW. You were warned.)

Angst.

Fluff.

Medical talk. Is that even a warning

Image Credit: bing image search, google image search , @frodo-sam ,  @becauseofthebowties , @stanfordsweater , 

Wordcount: 1435

Chapter  11

Jonah was swinging in his little portable baby swing in the mess hall while Dean cooked dinner. Addie walked in as Dean was flipping the steaks on the pan.

“Hey, Addie! Glad you’re back,” Dean said with a grin.

She took a dramatic bow, laughing softly. “Thank you, thank you.”

“No worse for the wear, I hope?”

“I’m good,” she assured him.

“Thank you for doing that,” Dean added.”For helping me try.”

Addie slid up next to Dean, close enough to put her arm around him in a little side hug. “You’re welcome. It was worth a shot. Would have been epic if it had worked out.”

“You got that right,” Dean said. Addie crouched down to snatch Jonah from his swing. 

"He sure likes his Aunt Addie," Dean said as she fussed over the baby, bouncing him lightly in her arms.

"Well, I'm madly in love with him," she said with a grin.

"About that," Dean said, his tone prompting Addie to meet his gaze. "Jonah's routine would be hardly recognizable without you here. It's not hard to see I don't do well with sitting on the sidelines, and obviously I'm a bit of a mess over it.

It just … it means a lot to me that you’ve been so great with him."

"I'm happy to do it," Addie said, smiling at him. "If you can't tell this has actually been a really nice break away from work and my usual day to day."

Dean glanced at her while reaching for a plate. "Yeah, well, our day to day is weird enough most people would run away." He winked at her and she laughed softly. "You know, I think all this has made me appreciate on some level how hard it must have been for our dad when our mom died," he admitted.

"Yeah?" Addie said, watching him as he worked in the kitchen.

Dean washed his hands in the sink, and for a moment Addie thought he'd decided against sharing more, but then started talking again.

"Sam was just a baby when it happened…. I'm sure he's told you." He glanced up long enough to acknowledge Sam with a nod as he walked into the Mess Hall, but otherwise continued on. "I don't know, having two kids and going at it alone like Dad did while he was still grieving? I can't imagine anything being harder than that. If he'd had help - someone around to make sure he wasn't slacking off on some of the father stuff, I don't know … things might've been different."

"You haven't been slacking off," Addie assured him, throwing finger quotes up with one hand. "You're a great father, Dean. Jonah is a lucky little boy to have you. He was born into a really special family."

"As far as Dad goes," Sam added, joining the conversation. 

"You shouldn't have had to, Dean, but you stepped up to help and lighten the load. And I turned out just fine, thank you very much."

A smile tugged at the corner of Dean's mouth as he went to the fridge to retrieve the steak sauce.

"And Jonah's mom is coming home. Soon," Addie reiterated.

Dean chewed his lip as he considered her. He hoped she was right about that.

You had eaten dinner at a fast-food joint and positioned yourself to watch the witch’s shop again that evening. It was around sundown and you sat wondering how you were going to know when the time came to do something more. If Dean and Sam had been with you, the three of you would have stormed the shop by now, but solo hunting changed everything. Still, you couldn’t help feel the pressure mounting. You’d have to do something soon.

Dean called to check in as you were in the middle of your existential hunter’s crisis.

“What are you up to?” he asked.

“Just watching the shop,” you said with a sigh. “That’s all I do, really. I watch. And I wait. But I’m honestly not sure what I’m waiting for.” Then, just because you really needed to change the subject you said, “How’s my little JoJo?”

“He’s gassy,” Dean said.

The answer was so absurd and the timing so perfect you couldn’t help but laugh into the phone. You suspected Dean knew that’s exactly what you needed right now. He always knew somehow, and you heard him chuckling softly on the other line.

“He’s good,” he reassured you. “And he hasn’t asked me for the car keys yet, so there’s that.”

“He better not,” you said with a grin, playing along. Just then you saw the shop doors open and three demons exited the building. You narrowed your eyes as you watched. Two of them walked twenty yards away and climbed into a dark colored SUV that was parked on the side of the road. The third set off on foot in the opposite direction. It was the first time you’d seen that many of them leave the building at once.

You hadn't seen the witch come out of the building, which meant she was still inside.

You’d never seen more than three demons together around the shop, so even if there was one or two inside you were unaware of, you liked your odds.

This could be it, you thought. This could be my chance at getting to her.

“Dean, honey, I’ve gotta go. Her cronies are leaving and she’s still inside. If I don’t go now I could miss my chance.…”

“Wait, what?” Dean’s voice was desperate, even as he realized you were right.

“She’s growing her numbers. I don’t know what she has planned, but it can’t be good. I can’t stand by and watch while she has the demons possessing sick people in the hospital and walking them out the doors.”

Dean didn’t have the time or the words to talk you out of it.

“I’m going in,” you added hastily. “I love you, Winchester.”

"Sweetheart-"

As you disconnected the call you hoped you were doing the right thing, but the time for debating your options had passed. The witch had evaded your family for long enough. It was time to make her answer for her crimes against the Winchesters.

Dean stared blankly at his phone’s screen for a heartbeat before turning on his heel to head for the nursery.

Sam was sitting with his long legs stretched out in front of him on the floor, a book in hand, while Addie held Jonah in her arms in the rocking chair when Dean burst through the door.

Sam looked up, a little startled, stopping mid-sentence. "What's wrong?" he asked, seeing the urgency in his brother's eyes.

"I'm doing it. I'm going."

Sam got to his feet then, setting the book on the top of the bookcase. "But the witch will see you coming."

"Doesn't matter. She thinks the witch is alone and she's going in after her as we speak. At this point the witch thinking I'm on my way is just a good distraction from what's really about to go down. But I'm not just going to sit here and wait to hear-"

"Okay, okay," Sam cut in to save Dean from having to justify his decision with a fear-fueled rant. "I get it. I do. Did you at least tell her you're coming?"

"Nope. Going anyway." Dean glanced at Jonah who was happily lounging in Addie's arms.

"Do you both need to go?" Addie suggested. "It's okay. I can watch over-"

But Dean was shaking his head. "If this goes south," he said directly to Sam, "I can't have you anywhere near it." He didn't have to add the implied, 'You'll be raising my son' for Sam to know what he meant by that.

Sam held Dean's gaze, nodding.

"We've got him," Addie assured Dean, knowing he was hesitant to leave Jonah. She got to her feet and approached Dean, holding Jonah up for him to take.

Dean shifted Jonah into his own arms, tucking his face down to breathe in Jonah's sweet baby smell before he kissed him softly on the head. "Be good, kiddo. Daddy's going to help your mom. Be back soon."

He handed Jonah back to Addie and then gave her a grateful kiss on the cheek.

Sam thumped Dean in the back with a hand as he hugged him tight. "Don't worry about him. We've got things handled here. 

You get to her fast and then get back here safe."

Dean nodded, giving one last longing glance toward his son and his brother before he walked out.

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[piercingsandfangs]

List of things I'm not allowed to do as sum1 in a mildly abusive household:

1. Cry ( lol ).

2. Be in the same room as my mother when she's mad.

3. Have financial independence ( every purchase I make my mom gets a notification for ( I'm 16 ) ).

4. Date people ( my mom gets annoyed at me if I do but she gets over it.

5. ( For context I'm autistic ) She does not believe that loud noises affect me. I am not allowed to be affected by loud sounds. She will scream and blast nightclub music to hurt my ears.

6. Be in pain. My mother has disabilities that put her in pain on the daily. Because of this any pain I experience in my life is invalid to her.

7. Go to the doctor's. Don't really understand this one, she sometimes lets me, other times she's anti me seeing a doctor at all even for things I really need.

8. Dislike anyone she knows. She however tries to make me hate and ignore my friends. She has used my own money against me because I dislike my aunt ( who has said pedophilic things. )

9. Be on phone calls. Again I don't get this one. They cost her nothing.

10. Watch shows she personally dislikes. That being; Doctor who, Twilight, Strictly come dancing, ect.

11. Watch YouTubers. If she walks in when I'm watching one she will tell me I I watch " stupid shit " and scream at me until I put something else on.

12. Go to cafés, restaurants, ect. Only allowed to when my cousin is coming ( my mom prefers her to me. )

13. Paint my nails. My mom doesn't like nail polish.

14. Be feminine in any way. I'm trans and she thinks trans men shouldn't be at all feminine. She sees cis men being feminine as empowering however.

15. Have interests. Uhhh yea !! I'm not allowed to talk about my interests to her and she gets mad if I tell anyone I know about them. She thinks they're boring so I needa change them or just shut up.

16. Go on public transport. She's only just started letting me get on busses. Always trying to tell me I'd have a panic attack if I tried anything else ( fear mongering ).

17. I used to not be allowed to like my little pony ( I grew up with the show, it's my comfort show because of that ).

18. Go places! Yea I'm not really allowed to go places, she doesn't let me go places alone then refuses to come with me ( she goes places for my cousin whenever asked ).

19. Misplace things. If I do I get screamed at. She once destroyed over 60 dollars worth of my things because of this.

20. Go to school. Wasn't allowed to do that for a few years. She decided to not let me do mainstream even though I would've been fine. I now lack important things in my education and résumé.

21. Say ANYTHING nice about my father to my mother. Oh boy.

22. Say anything nice about my mother to my father. Lel.

23. I have sh scars, they're very visible. I'm not allowed to have them on show too much.

24. Not allowed to draw scars. My mother says they're ugly.

Last but not least !

25. Tell someone about what happens at home. Because of course.

[bibliophilejen]

Tw: major injury and medical procedures

Facebook is a hellscape I tend to avoid, but I do look at the memories of previous posts - (admittedly in part to edit out some of the terrible takes I had). Holy shit, I got hit with a cinder block this time. Everything in this period is so fuzzy and nebulous, but there are moments that hit with immense clarity.

This was thirteen years ago today, when I had a fantastically silly night out with some folks I worked with at the airport. I was 29 and while life wasn't easy, it wasn't bad.

Less than two weeks later, the Duke ICU would be as familiar to me as TSA.

I remember my mother texting me over the course of the afternoon, into the evening, trying to make things sound normal, but they weren't normal at all. My family didn't go to the doctor unless you were dying.

<Dad's leg is hurting so we're going to the urgent care.>

<They want an X-ray.>

<Now they're getting an ultrasound.>

<They want us to go to the ER, but I'm just going to drive instead of taking an ambulance.>

Then she called. When they got to the ER Dad was immediately admitted and taken to surgery. The urgent care had called ahead to warn them he was on the way so they could prep. By this point it was seven and I would be off work by 7:30, so Mom told me to finish my workday, then come.

I tried so hard to drive deliberately but carefully to get there, but on the way out of the airport one of the cops I see every day pulled me over to write a ticket for going 46 in a 35. Guy I saw every day inside the airport, knew his name, knew his kid's names, and he took 20 minutes while my dad was in emergency surgery to write me a ticket. I would have taken one for 70 in a 35 if he would have just done it faster.

I got there eventually, and my mom and I were both tense with red-rimmed eyes, but we're not cryers. We're doers. When things are hard we make plans and accomplish them, but there was nothing to do but wait.

My Aunt Kate is a nurse and flew in the next day to stay until dad got out of the ICU. I believe she was a huge help, especially since the medical interventions were most intense that week, but I honestly don't remember much. She made sure Mom and I slept and ate, because otherwise we would have sat there waiting for news, waiting for Dad to wake up, waiting for anything we could accomplish to feel like we weren't failing at everything.

Dad spent at least the next week in the ICU, having two surgeries a day interspersed with other treatments. If we had lived almost anywhere else in the country he would have died 2/16/11. If they had decided to go from the urgent care to UNC's ER instead of Duke, he would have likely lost his leg and maybe his life.

This became my life, with occasional outings to distract myself. Work, hospital, home, on repeat. Days off were entirely at the hospital so my mom could get some rest. We didn't leave him alone for more than 4 hours the entire time he stayed at Duke.

Here's his birthday. He'd been in the hospital two weeks at this point, was released from the ICU a few days prior, and had had around 20 debridement and reconstructive surgeries in that time, with more to come. He just turned 55.

He would spend the next month or so at Duke, and another three months in a rehab facility learning how to walk again. Mom had to teach the nurses there how to perform the dressing change on his leg, where he still had an open wound several inches deep and the size of both my hands (with another square foot or so covered in skin grafts). The nurses there were used to helping stroke patients and the elderly, not severe burn wound care (the closest correlation most medical professionals will see).

When they sent him home in July? August? he still had an open wound on his leg where Mom did a dressing change every day. And by this point? This was normal. I had moved back home shortly before he did, so I could be there to help out.

I don't know where I was going with this. I saw that first picture and this entire horrible, hard year snapped into my head and wouldn't let go until I spilled it out somewhere.

[miamoo27]

I thought about what my sister told her children before coming to my parents house. “Your Papu cheated on my mom this is his wife and two grown children.” Maybe now things aren’t as confusing as they were when I was kid. Growing up it was confusing to me that I was one of the only kids in my class with old half siblings. The thought of me being an aunt to a 11 year old at 23 was mind blowing. I remember that age like it was yesterday, adults never made any sense.

My sister never liked my mom and I don’t blame her. My mom came into my fathers life when she was 24. My mom just got dumped by her millionaire pilot fiancé because he got a woman pregnant in Switzerland. My father was married to his wife at the time Jamie. He cheated on her before he even met my mom with a polish woman from Buffalo where they used to live. My dad never loved Jamie and she was his rebound after my dads father told him he couldn’t marry his highschool sweetheart because he needed to focus on medical school.

So when my father met Jamie he clearly was not thinking straight. He believed Jamie fit the narrative of his parents Jewish, smart, somewhat attractive and had a great family. They got married two years later and moved to New Jersey where my father did his fellowship at englewood hospital.

So that’s where he met my mom. My mom was a young Italian blond nurse with a cocaine addiction. When I look back at photos i see how beautiful and lost my mother was. I could see how any man would want her she was fun, addicted, crazy and emotional. My father; nerd, unemotional but totally inlove with my mom.

My mom hated my father when she met him. She was a top nurse in the OR and basically told the doctor what to do. My father overly confident demeanor turned her off but later she was won over by his charm and love for her.

My father thought my mom was the only person he would ever fall in love with. Four years of back and forth with my mom my dad decided to divorce his wife. Jamie wasn’t surprised but my sister and brother were. My sister was only 12 and my brother 8.

Like I said my mom is the sweetest person in the world but also insane. I sometimes think I get my chaotic and emotional personality trait from her. A trait that makes men deeply fall for us. My mom hated my sister the moment she laid eyes on her. She was a distraction for my father.

Later on my mom fought with Erika but would save Erika from drunk parties, her friends and taught my sister how to be “cool.” I forgot to mention my parents are 10 years apart. Erika and my mothers relationship was constantly in a back and forth.

Jeremy my other half sibling took a liking to my mom. She was fun and had a beach house where she would let them play whatever. My mom defended Jeremy in fights with my dad and later on the two of them got closer. Erika and my moms relationship QUICKLU faded when my mom brought my brother Sam into the world after a year of my parents being married.

Sam was adorable. The whole family fell inlove with my dads new child. Erika wanted nothing to do with him. Two years later my mom had me. I was even worse than Sam. I was a new extension to my mom. A girl. Erika must of assumed my mom and I would become a team. Well that’s where the story starts.

[austincharcoal]

OCTOBER 2023 MEDITATION LOG

this was inspired by an assignment in my english 101 class. it prompted us to watch/read some mainstream articles/vids about meditation and try meditating for 3 days in a row, then write about it.

Fri, Sep 29    1:05am           Watched the Light Watkins TedX video. Interest was piqued when he said that meditation brings a deeper rest than is possible in sleep. Then he went on and on about the difference in biological age when you meditate. Excited to try more rigorous meditation schedule. Meditated 1:35-1:45am, was really nice. Came close to falling asleep a couple times, I am very tired. Felt grateful to be living in the city hearing rain sounds on the street.

Sat, Sep 30   9:01pm           Took a break from anatomy notes & electronic music to meditate 10 mins. Had a hard time keeping my mind off [redacted]. The things that were difficult then would be easier now that I’ve matured and relaxed a bit. But [redacted].

Sun, Oct 1     10:38am        Tried to do 10 min meditation during AA meeting but had to poop after like 4 mins. Did 10 full mins after meeting ended. It’s easier in the mornings, but I can feel I have lost the groove to a large degree. Still, morning meditation is simpler. By the evening my brain is usually in full pleasure-seeking mode. Mornings I’m usually reeling a bit from soreness and stiffness.

Mon, Oct 2    8:45pm           Did 10 mins sitting up. It’s wild how my body is aware that it’s tired but my mind ignores it, until I try to meditate sitting up and have to fight off sleep over and over. Maybe I should turn in early tonight. When I was awake, I was releasing thoughts about food and women, as usual. Laughed a bit to myself remembering how excited [redacted] was to find the “hidden veggies” pasta recipe on TikTok.

Tue, Oct 3     1:19pm           Late start today. Brewed coffee then laid down to meditate before drinking it. Lot of sexy thoughts bouncing around! Hard to bring my racing mind down today. Probably because I didn’t sleep well. This is somehow becoming both a mediation and a sleep log.

Wed, Oct 4    9:40am           10 min meditation during morning meeting.

Thu, Oct 5     12:28pm        Had been sinking into phone-greyout, scrolling haze, absolute oblivion, and needed a break. 10 min meditation was the only thing that could work. Counted breaths for most of the 10 mins, after english prof. explained during class that counting breaths is the important part of '20 breaths' meditation. It def helped during 10 min meditation. Leg pain was distracting so toward the end started stretching a bit. Feel refreshed and ready to sit down for some studying before work.

Fri, Oct 6        11:52am         Watched the Andy Puddicombe Ted Talk. I liked his analogy about knowing you have a loose tooth and continuing to mess with it even though you’re in pain. Meditated for 10 mins. Feel less overwhelmed about how many things I need to do this afternoon. I’m calmer and more apt to work through them in an organized manner without resorting to distractions. Thought about what to say to [redacted], thought about doing dishes and stretching and listening to new Drake album and taking anatomy notes and making a doctor’s appointment. Tried to recenter and focus on breaths a few times.

Sat, Oct 7      10:30am        Meditated during morning meeting.

Sun, Oct 8     9:51am           Meditated during morning meeting. Thought about my plans for the day (going to NYC to have dinner with my aunt), thought about my mom and my grandma, thought about the family counselor Dr. Prakash who taught me to meditate in 4th grade. Used breath counting to help 'let go' of thoughts and return to quiet mind.

Mon, Oct 9    9:50am           Meditated during morning meeting but was kinda drifting in and out of sleep.

                        8:45pm           Went to [redacted]. It got kinda intense but [redacted]. Decided to decompress by meditating together for 10 minutes. It was beautiful and memorable.

Tue, Oct 10   2:10pm           Read ½ of NYT meditation article then set 10 min timer to meditate. Lots of thoughts running through my head, I can be so obsessive about personal stuff. Was good to have a break from that, even though I didn’t really want the break, I wanted to keep obsessing. Post-break though, I feel better. Body is really sore since I’ve gotten 17k steps, two days in a row. So before the 10 mins were up I got out of my chair and started doing some stretches with eyes closed. Love combining stretches and closed eye meditation. Definitely feel better now, and my 'mindfulness muscle' is getting a tiny bit stronger each day. I find it easier to return to the centered calmness of counting breaths.

Wed, Oct 11                          Didn’t meditate

Thu, Oct 12   10:47am        Meditated 10 mins after morning meeting. Really out of the groove today but tried to just count 100 breaths. Thought about chopping wood for work, about sex, about being messy in romantic relationships, about stretching after meditation, about the kid in my math class who seems to be following along better than anyone else.

Fri, Oct 13                             Didn’t meditate

Sat, Oct 14    9:45am           Meditated during morning meeting.

Sun, Oct 15   2:01pm           Took a break from studying anatomy to meditate. Was sort of fighting off sleep part of the time. Said simple prayers to ask for God’s will to be done, and to discover what that will is. Prayed also for a loving and generous spirit in my heart.

Mon, Oct 16  11:00pm         Meditated 10 mins after looking at Twitter/Reddit for ~3 hours. I think I need to try 15 or 20 minute meditations because sometimes I find myself totally distracted and overstimulated for more than half of a 10 minute meditation. That was the case this time. At some points I opened my eyes and just stared at the wall to keep from thinking about downtown Montreal, or applying to a Master’s program in 5 years, or how I had a bad attitude at work the other day.

Tue, Oct 17   12:14pm        Been feeling emotionally unhinged lately, lowkey lashing out at people. Trying to redirect. Meditation is a good starting place. Meditated 10 minutes and had to stop myself over and over from planning out my day. How much time will I spend in the restaurant working on prep? How much time on schoolwork? Will I have time to pick up a cleaning project? Could I meditate for 10 minutes on the clock? Who will I see there and what will the vibe be when I talk to them? Used breath counting to reel in some of the thoughts. Asked God for help. I have a long way to go toward being centered, organized, disciplined. Please, God, help me make some progress today.

Wed, Oct 18                          Didn’t meditate

Thu, Oct 19   10:30am        Meditated in morning meeting. Feel at peace with my life, with who I am and where I’m at, with my propensity for anxiety, for mistakes, for seeing things through a distorted lens. I’m gonna keep learning and I’m gonna be okay.

Fri, Oct 20     10:30am        Meditated in morning meeting. Had trouble staying quiet mentally. In the meeting we talked about the 'confusion' that exists without a spiritual connection. Thought about how meditation and confusion are like exact opposites. Lot of confusion and noise for me lately. Meditation must be one of the main solutions. Not just meditation but a meditation practice. Prayer as well, I need more of that. Talked about meditation with my sponsor later. He recommended I try the 'toes-to-head' meditation.

Sat, Oct 21    9:00am           Made coffee then meditated for 10 mins before meeting.

                        9:45am           Meditated for 10 mins in morning meeting. It felt good to get more time in. Would like to do one longer session but 10x2 was easy and felt very calming.

Sun, Oct 22   9:30am           Set a timer and laid on yoga mat to meditate for 10 minutes. Said a prayer for my mom and grandma, who are going through a difficult time. Had to keep returning to baseline as I kept fantasizing about sex with [redacted], who I’ve been texting. Sex is a constant refrain for my tired brain, I think I’m subconsciously convinced that there’s some simple relief there. But intellectually I know it’s never that simple, relationships are complicated and usually come with more stress than being single. Important to talk myself down from these underlying desires.

Mon, Oct 23                          Didn’t meditate. Busy day, but I think I need to start finding more time. It’s possible to replace some of my phone-scrolling time with meditation every day, sometimes I just don’t do it. This log is helping me stay accountable and showing me what I need to change to meditate more.

Tue, Oct 24   12:45pm        Meditated 10 mins laying on yoga mat. Was really able to start calm with deep breaths, maybe because I was laying down. Often I start with a hectic mind and try to calm it for the first 5 mins.

Wed, Oct 25  10:30am        Didn’t meditate? Can’t remember

Thu, Oct 26   11:45am         Meditated 10 mins. Sick with a cold, hopefully not worse. Did not want to meditate but do feel a bit better

Fri, Oct 27     9:48pm           Meditated 8 mins. Got antsy during the last two. Feeling very baby because the cold is actually a flu or something. Lots of schoolwork to do before tomorrow night. Trying to stay calm and not get overwhelmed.

Sat, Oct 28    8:15pm           Meditated 10 mins which led to me napping for another 30. Very ill but still going to work and studying. Sad!

Sun, Oct 29                           Did not meditate. Walked for 2 hours listening to an old interview with Brad Phillips, he talked a lot about 12 step program, psychedelic drug experiences, Zen vs. Tibetan Buddhism. Helpful for pondering meditation and how to consider it in my life.

Mon, Oct 30  10:45am        Meditated 10 mins after morning meeting. Health is improving slightly. Trying to spend the day doing work, chores, service to others, or meditative things like prayer, listening to spiritual talks, walking. Trying to leave alone the chaotic, noisy things that are really perpetuating my discomfort and dissatisfaction.

Tue, Oct 31   2:03pm           Meditated 10 mins after writing for English class, before going for a walk and calling my sponsor. Turns out I had covid. At least it's almost over. Same with October. What's next.

[star-man-creature]

Remembering my papi

My friend, Red, and I were looking through old google street views of our hometowns and I looked at my nona and papi’s house.

He died about 9 years ago. He was a teacher, although he drew as a hobby. I looked through his old drawings around when he died and showed some of them to my at-the-time friends, one of them of me as a baby. They said the drawings looked bad, but I don’t care.

My grandparents have this stained glass window in their door. It used to be broken (it’s fixed now, my aunt made it all good), so my papi had it in the garage so he could work on it. Seeing the wooden board over the place that stained glass used to be made me remember everything and break down.

My grandfather was born in guadlahara and taken to the us as a baby. Because of this, he really liked spicy foods. When he got as old as he was, this meant his liver started to get really messed up. He hated taking his medicine, and eating more bland food. One day, while my nona was out getting groceries, he left to go to the corner store. He left a note: “going to the store. I’ll be back. Love Ralph”. He fell while crossing the street and broke his neck.

He lived, but had to have one of those big halo metal neck bracers. He was getting better, until the doctor went on a weeklong vacation and the nurses tried to take it off to clean. My nona showed up to the hospital room just as he was telling the nurses that he couldn’t feel his feet anymore. His health declined rapidly at that point, we put him into hospice because he had nerve damage, what else could be done.

My family now takes a trip to a beach town every year over summer, because my papi never got to leave the country post-9/11 due to his messed-up birth certificate due to being taken here as a baby. He always wanted to go visit Belize. We just got back today, but yesterday my nona talked about papi and his death.

Apparently, although I don’t remember it at all, my family decided to pull the plug and were giving last goodbyes. I walked into the room, and with one of the last times he was conscious, he pointed at me and said “There’s Noah”

I’m the oldest kid of my extended family. I remembered this event earlier and got very emotional.

I feel like I’m doing a bad job of remembering my papi. I feel like almost everything i do remember are secondhand stories or snapshots of time. I just remember being on my mom’s ipad at my grandparents’ house instead of talking to him, and playing UMvC3 in the hospice game room to not think about it during his later time. When I heard he finally died, I remember just going and turning on Dragon Ball Xenoverse and just playing it all day so I wouldn’t think about anything else. I feel like I was heartless. I am not even really sure if I did those things because I didn’t want to think, or if I just cared more about video games than my papi’s death. I guess in the end i did care, i cried in the middle of PE the next day and talked with the school counselor about things, but I don’t think it really resolved any of my feelings.

I feel like a bad grandson. I look almost exactly like my papi did when he was around my age, and yet I have barely any clear memories of him and up until yesterday I didn’t even know the whole story behind his death until last night. Either way, I want to write down what happened, and indulge in these emotions for a little bit tonight.

Rest in peace, Ralph Price. I love you papi.

[pixiedoodlein]

10 days until school and I’m no more decided than I was a week ago. I flip flop ten times day about what might be best. A is sick of hearing me talk about it. He doesn’t disagree with my risk assessment but he is sick of talking about it.

It caused an issue with his friend, a friend who is his best friend and is unvaccinated and works in a jail. Months ago we told friend he could only visit (this place is their boyhood dream) once he’s vaccinated. Friend typically believes in science and is very health conscious but his gf is a moron Trump lover and her family the same and that’s who he’s been spending all his time with since this all started. When I asked friend why he’s not vaccinated he said he’s young & healthy, didn’t trust the vaccines, would do it when they got full fda approval. Plenty of young healthy people are dead of this. Anyway then I asked ok so what if you give it to someone who isn’t and dies, people incarcerated in the jail he works in and don’t have the luxury of social distancing, and he was like eh whatever. So yes friend is an asshole, but his best friend for decades, friend has always been kind of an asshole but has many redeeming qualities too. So we said no visit. But then in July when there was no covid here and no covid where he lives and we were blissfully living our covid free lives we loosened up and said he could visit with two negative tests. But then covid got bad again and when asshole friend contacted A the other day to say he took time off in late Sept to visit, A said sorry, it’s fully fda approved now you have no excuses not to vaccinate, we’re worried about our unvaccinated kids, and as of now you can’t visit but hey maybe if you get vaccinated and the numbers look better we can reassess in a month and you can come. Friend was a total dick about it, didn’t understand our point of view at all, stressed A about it, who was in a bad mood about it for days afterward.

Then there’s the neighbors. I had a chat with the kids and a chat with the mom. I framed it as we love them so much and I know they’re careful but I think we should all be more careful while the numbers are so rising (aka only outdoor hangouts) and we are careful but I’ve heard terrifying stories from doctor friends about kids and babies getting very sick, and they have a baby who I don’t want us to make sick, and she said she agreed. The kids have been pretty good about making the adjustment from constant sleepovers to playing outside but M keeps asking me “the kids need to pee are they allowed to use the bathroom, the kids are hungry are they allowed to come inside even for one minute for a snack,” and I feel like the villain (I’ve been saying yes to pee, snacks I’ll bring out). Everyone’s been understanding but nobody is getting what I mean when I say only outdoor socializing. All the kids keep asking me when I’ll take them to town again for ice cream, “but it’s outside” (um yeah but the car’s not), asking their mom to ask me for sleepovers even though they know what the answer will be. The other day they were playing in our yard then it started raining and they were like “we can’t walk home in the rain”- I don’t want them to walk home in the rain, but again the car is indoors!- so I drove them home (but made M stay at our house). They’re not my kids so I can’t make them wear masks and it feels like now I am in the position of being the mean parent who’s psycho about covid, which in a way I am, but it would help me to stick to my guns and feel okay about sticking to them if the government policies matched the severity of the situation, ie mask mandates in public places (instead of stores posting polite recommendations), vaccine mandates, virtual learning options, etc.

Which brings me to school. After selling M hard on real school, then I sold her hard on home school. She already “did” 3rd grade last year (as much as me teaching her in my pajamas counts as doing), but this district has an earlier cut off than the city, so she’s in 3rd grade again here. Which is fine by me- her birthday is the same day as the very late nyc cut off (12/31) and I hated that she was the absolute youngest. I used to beg the school to hold her back and they’d say “but why she’s doing so well!” not understanding that I was thinking ahead to the teen years. But anyway, despite her haphazard pj’d professor, she seemed to learn a lot last year so homeschool this year could basically be unschool. She’d traipse around the forest identifying birds and trees with A and her brother, reading for pleasure, and I’d spend an hour here and there reviewing some worksheets with her so she’d be on track when she starts real school after she gets vaccinated. She was into the idea, until she found out she and one of the neighbor kids are in the same class. Now she absolutely wants to go to real school, AND ride the school bus. The school bus part makes me very nervous. While there is now a school mask mandate (but will it be enforced? what are their lunch procedures, what % of teachers are vaccinated, what % of the older kids in the same building as the little kids are vaccinated, did they actually really update their ventilation system?) and a bus mask rule, it’s a long rural route (15 min drive or 45 min bus) and I have no faith that bus windows will be open and all riders will be masked the whole time.

So just tell her she can go to school but has to be driven by a parent, right? Not so simple. I was offered a job at a (somewhat, commuting distance) nearby nonprofit- an easy low stress job in a bastion of liberalism with very very nice smart coworkers, excellent work life balance, a writing job that sounds made for me, like the job description is exactly what I would put together if I were putting together my dream job (except the pay, which is half what I was making at a fancy DC nonprofit, but high for this area, and our housing cost is half so it should be fine if A can get away from little guy long enough to bring in some money too). It’s mostly remote but approx one day a week in the office and some days there will be things I need to attend out in the community (not necessarily our community, they serve the whole region). It won’t always be the same day in the office and the office is an hour away- so on those days A would have no car to get her to and from school, since I’d need to leave before school starts and get home after it’s done. So I guess we need to buy a new car? Aside from this issue we really don’t need a second car now, were planning to get one eventually, but not until A’s business has enough projects to justify the cost.

Despite its many demands/challenges/ stressors, home school is sounding easier to me at this point (especially because she already did this grade), except she WANTS to go to school. Someone talk me out of putting some lipstick and a pantsuit on her and taking her to get vaccinated. I know, I know: the 5-11 dosage is 1/3 of the 12-adult dosage. The doctors I’ve spoken to are split on this hypothetical kamikaze mission. The doctors I’ve spoken to are also split on me and A going to a pharmacy now for booster. It’s been almost 6 months since our 2nd dose. We do not have compromised immune systems. This county has way more doses than demand and I would feel better sending M to school (bus or not) if we had our boosters and she had a first dose- moral and scientific quandaries aside- because there is A LOT of covid here now, a lot of covid everywhere now, and I feel like we are returning to regular life at the time when we should be most hunkered down.

Which brings me to the data. Per capita there are as many known cases here as in nyc, except nyc has a 50% higher vax rate, much more mask usage, better medical system. People are not getting enough tests here, there is a higher positivity rate, and so I think the actual number of cases is much higher than the reported number of cases. It seems like, friends here and in the city and in the suburbs (I just broke up with a friend in the suburbs because she professes to be a good democrat but is hosting a bonafide super spreader event and vacationing in a place with 39% positivity and a collapsed health care system), are thinking of covid as something you catch from strangers- they wear masks in stores- but aren’t careful at all around close friends and family (so many extended family gatherings, so many, cousins and grandparents and half-siblings and aunts and uncles and whoever), when this is a disease that kills via the people you love most, the ones who’d never intentionally hurt you.

[mjmacchio1991]

Here is a bio of my new greaser character I made for @cleverclove ’s gang!

His name is Pietro. He is Italian. He is a reserved individual who will warm up to people he likes, and then he reveals his more excited nature. He can adapt to the people around him, so you can catch him doing something quiet, like reading with one person, and then catch him being the embodiment of chaos with another. His flaws are that he can get riled up easily and can be pretty stubborn, but he’s working on it slowly but surely.

He moved from Rhode Island to Tulsa due to not being able to afford the growing cost of living when he was 14 and didn’t really like it in Tulsa due to his family only being able to afford a house in a neighborhood right in the middle of the Soc-Grease turf war. He eventually found the gang and slowly befriended them. He lives with his mother, cousin, and little sister. Most of the time, he sleeps in trees in the lot because he never got the chance to climb them as a child. Plus, he likes to keep an eye out for anything happening so that he can spring into action to help. He carries a regular 3-inch pocket knife in his utility belt along with having cigarettes, candies, and other various items tucked away so that he can always have them on him (it makes stealing easier as well).

He has the skin condition vitiligo. The condition is in his family gene pool as his great grandfather and great aunt had/have the disease as well. He found out when he was 11 when he told his mom about a white patch appearing around his bellybutton, and she immediately took him to the doctor, who didn’t do much besides read from a medical book in his office and officially diagnose him with the skin condition. He actually thought he looked pretty cool as a kid until he got older and his skin color and unpigmented skin were in equal amounts on his body. Soc’s would jeer at him about it, but he wouldn’t really take it to heart since he knew that was what soc's did, yet a small part of him hurt inside. Eventually, when he first met the gang, he tried using a concealer to hide his condition from them, but it didn’t work that well. Looking at him, since he wears short sleeve bowling shirts with some unbuttoned buttons, there are darker spots on his chest that are slightly concealed by hair, dark splotches on his biceps, and mottled spots on his hands and forearms. His face has splotches under his eyes and is spottier on his forehead and around his lips. He has a thin mustache and stubble, and his hair is a dark ginger color. Because he felt like it one day, he took some peroxide and decided to color a bleached stripe that he now maintains to this day. He thinks that, because he already looks different, why not look even more different? He likes to climb trees, hang out with friends, cruise around stores and look around at things he could never afford, and tag along with his friends if they are doing something. He also likes to cook as well, and will offer help anytime anyone from the gang is cooking.

(I’ll provide a rough sketch of him with a color description soon! Feel free to ask anything about him!)

[im-in-love-with-pizza-bites]

It Takes A Village Chapter 3

Chris Evans x Pregnant!Daughter!Reader

Series Master List

Series summary: You find out that your pregnant. After being kicked out of your mom's house you go to live full time with your Dad who you only saw once every few months. Will he react badly to you being a mom at such a young age?

Chapter Summary: You go to your first ultrasound.

Series warning: swearing, fighting with a parent, teen pregnancy, speak of abortion.

Chapter warnings: swearing, teen pregnancy, terrible explanation of a ultrasound and pregnancy doctor appointment.

Y/n means your name...

Oh and I changed the divider to that bunny instead of the other one. It'll still go back and forth between Blue and pink like I had planned on doing.

You sat in the backyard watching dodger run around while your thought. You obviously have to tell everyone now, you'll probably tell  your aunts and uncles first, then your grandparents. First, you had to wait for your appointment which Chris had scheduled for the next day. Just to make sure you and the baby were okay. Chris had let on a little bit about his excitement to be a grandfather, telling you how he was gonna spoil them. He also told you he was going to try and find some of your old baby clothes for your baby.

"Y/n." Chris said poking his head out through the door, you looked at him curiously.

"Yes dad?" You asked him.

"Lunch. Dodger!" He hollered for dodger while you snuck past him to the table to eat. Dodger ran passed him and followed you in. "Okay sweetpea we need to talk about the baby." Chris said as he sat at the table across from him.

"What about the baby?" You asked.

"You should name him after me." He jokes.

"What if they are a girl?" You asked him letting out a small laugh.

"Name them Chris with a K." He said. You laughed.

"Dad. I'm not naming my baby Chris or Chris with a K. No matter the gender. One Chris is enough." You rolled your eyes taking a bite of the sandwich he had made you.

"Okay fine. But we do need to talk about something." He said.

"About what?" You asked him.

"You have to go to school your currently not enrolled at any school and that can cost us a fine." He told you. You nodded following along to what he was saying. "So I'm enrolling you into the public school over here." He said.

"Okay... But what about the baby? I'm gonna end up showing eventually I doubt a bunch of high schoolers are gonna keep the fact that Chris Evans' daughter is pregnant." You said.

"You weren't going to be able to keep this a secret forever." He reminded.

"I guess.. So when do I start?" You asked.

"Next Monday." He said. You nodded. "So back onto the baby name."

"Dad I'm not going to start thinking about baby names till I know the gender." You said rolling your eyes at him.  

"That's what me and your mom did." He gave you a small smile thinking back to how excited he was finding out he was going to have a baby girl.

"Really?" You asked him taking another bite of your sandwich.

"Yeah. After your moms great grandma." He explain eating his own sandwich. Dodger sat on next to you trying to catch some food.

"Cool. So Dad if your gonna keep saying names for the baby I think I should remind you that your gonna need to decide your Grandpa name." You said smiling at him. You haven't felt this relax just joking with someone in a few months since school was stressing you out, then you found out your pregnant so you haven't had a second to just relax and joke around in a while so this was nice.

"What about ole pappy Chris?" Chris joked. You shook your head laughing.

"No how about Gramps."

"That makes me sound old." He said laughing.

"But ole pappy Chris doesn't?" You raised an eye brow. You both broke into laughs. "Okay okay fine maybe papa C?" You said laughing more.

"No."

"Opa?" You threw another name out.

"Hmm?"

"German for grandpa."

"We're not German."

"Oh yeah." You said taking a bite of your sandwich. "Fine you pick one dad."

"I don't know. Just let the kid decide." He said smiling.

"Okay." You said.

"That's okay Bubba. Remember you have that appointment tomorrow." He remind eating his sandwich.

"Yeah. Will you be allowed to come in with me?" You asked him.

"I think it's just an ultrasound so probably, still nervous about the doctors?" He asked remembering how when you were younger you hated the doctors, it got better over time though.

"Yeah.. And this is a different kind of appointment. It's not just a checkup I'm going to be seeing my baby. Dad that wasn't supposed to happen till I was in my twenties." You sighed leaning on the table.

"Hey we talk about this bubba you can't change it now, so just be happy your gonna have a baby. I miss having a tiny you running around in only diaper cause you refused to put clothes on." He said smiling.

"Daad." You whined laughing.

"It's true." He said smiling standing up with his now empty paper plate. He walked over to you placing a kiss on the top of your head before making his way to the kitchen. You sighed looking down at your belly.

"This definitely isn't how I planned to spend high school." You whispered.

---

You sat in the waiting room of the doctor's office nervously bouncing your leg. You looked around to see other expecting mothers talking to the person they brought along for their own appointments, some were their spouses, some were their kids, some brought both. You sat leaning against Chris looking up at him. He gave you a reassuring smile. He remembers sitting in a waiting room similar to this one with your mom excited to see you for the first time in your moms belly.

"Y/n Evans?" A nurse called you both looked up and began to walk to her.  You guys made it in to the room where the ultrasound would be taking place. "Okay honey I'm just going to check on everything with your and the baby then we'll start the ultrasound." The nurse explain as you sat on the bed, your dad waited outside the room per request of the nurse. "Is the baby's dad on the way?" The nurse asked you trying to make conversation as she began to check on everything.

"No." You shook your head.

"Okay sweetie so how far along do you think you are?" She asked you.

"Probably a two weeks but I'm not too sure." You said watching as she listened for the baby's heart beat.

"Okay." She move the stethoscope to listen to your heart beat. "Okay I think we're ready for the ultrasound. Do you want your dad to come in for it?" She asked you. You nodded without hesitation. She let him in and he found as spot to stand next to the bed where you were sat. "Okay lift your shirt just above your stomach and lay back please." She smiled at you before grabbing the cream to put on your stomach.

You did as told then looked at your dad for reassurance he gave you the reassuring smile he had been giving you since you made it to Boston. "Your got this bubba." He whispered. You squirmed and giggled as the nurse put the cold liquid on your stomach making you look back at her. She used the machine.

"Okay... It looks like your are 8 weeks along, and a estimated due date would be sometime in November. The baby looks healthy there's not much to go by right now since it's still quite early in the pregnancy." She explained, you looked up at the screen seeing blobs on the screen. You couldn't help the smile that came to your face. "Any questions?" She asked you.

"Uh when can I find the gender out?" You asked.

"Around 14 weeks but it isn't a hundred percent positive that early on I'd recommend waiting till around 18 weeks." She said.

"Okay!"

"Okay. So the receptionist will help you set up another appointment for when your around 11 weeks." She said beginning to wipe the gel off your stomach. "But right now Mom and baby are healthy." She said directing that more to your dad then you as you pulled your shirt back down.

"Thank you." You and your dad said before leaving the office. You and your dad made it to the front desk and scheduled your next appointment. He let you do most of it just standing there to help if you needed it.

Taglist: @toastisgood @coldmuffinpartycloud

@thevelvetseries

[joyful-soul-collector]

🎉Week 3: December 23-31🎉

Ten o’Clock Wake Up Call by @skeeter-110​ (Pt. 10 of Twelve Days of Christmas)

Summary: It's Christmas morning in the Stark-Rhodes' household.

Relationships/Tropes: Ironhusbands, Irondad, Papa Rhodey, Avengers Family, Kid Peter, Christmas

Review:  I loved the big snuggle pile at the end, and how excited Peter was for his dads to open their presents! It showed how even as a little kid, Peter's always cared more about others than he has himself

🎉

Eleven Laps Around The Rink by @skeeter-110​ (Pt. 11 of Twelve Days of Christmas)

Summary: The Stark-Rhodes family goes ice skating with the Avengers

Relationships/Tropes: Ironhusbands, Irondad, Papa Rhodey, Avengers Family, Kid Peter, Ice Skating

Review: I loved how this showed Peter learning to skate, going from holding his parents hands, to skating from Tony to Rhodey, and finally to skating all on his own! Very cute

🎉

Twelve New Months To Look Forward To by @skeeter-110​ (Pt. 12 of Twelve Days of Christmas)

Summary: The Stark-Rhodes' family celebrates the new year.

Relationships/Tropes:  Ironhusbands, Irondad, Papa Rhodey, Kid Peter, New Years Eve

Review: A perfect ending to the sweetest holiday series! It was soft and loving and I'm so happy to have read about this happy little family :D

🎉

The Way I Love You ch. 3 by @littlemissagrafina

Summary: Peter Parker had a vibrant, happy presence. Anytime that he was around became brighter, happier. It was just the way it was. He was always moving, talking, just living, so when the lightness that his loved ones were so accustomed to seeing started fading, it scared them. A still silence built itself around Peter, snuffing out his usual exuberant voice. Dark and stifling. Those around him could only hope it wouldn't consume him. That it wouldn't take his smile. 

Or 

Five times that someone see's Peter struggling and one time he calls for help.

Relationships/Tropes: Irondad, Ned Leeds & Peter Parker, Uncle Ben & Peter Parker, Aunt May & Peter Parker, Spideychelle, Depressed Peter Parker, Hurt/Comfort

Review: This story really shows how sometimes the best way to help someone who's depressed or just having a bad day is to do something small to make things a little easier for them. You often can't get rid of all their worries through a deep heart-to-heart and you certainly can protect them from everything yourself, but doing something small can make a bigger difference than you think

🎉

Peter hides an injury prompt by @jen27ny

Summary: Peter, who already downplays every injury, takes the hint too close and hides a serious injury, and the Avengers learn the hard way why Tony really fusses every time he got hurt

Relationships/Tropes: Irondad, Avengers Family, Hiding an Injury, Crackfic

Review: Peter hiding his injuries is one of my favorite tropes, and this story did it really well! I love how protective everyone was of Peter by the end, and how they realized Tony wasn't exaggerating when he said they had to make absolutely sure Peter was fine haha

🎉

Peter has ADHD prompt by @jen27ny

Summary: Peter’s ADHD starts to affect his grades

Relationships/Tropes: Irondad, Peter Parker Has ADHD

Review: This story was so sweet! I myself have ADHD so I love stories about Peter with ADHD and this one was great! I relate to Peter in that I sucked at Spanish, I've always dreaded going to that class haha. Very nice story!

🎉

The Perfect Name by @honestmischief

Summary: Rhodey and Tony are drunk and in love

Relationships/Tropes: Ironhusbands, Drunk

Review: This ficlet was adorable! I loved how affectionate Tony and Rhodey were with each other, and how Rhodey said Tony was "too cute to be sad", it was so cute

🎉

Christmas Pranks by @skeeter-110

Summary: Tony wraps up random things for little Peter to open while Steve records it all

Relationships/Tropes: Irondad, Stony, Papa Steve, Christmas, Pranks, Kid Peter

Review:  THIS WAS SO ADORABLE! I can't get enough of Cute Kid Peter, and this had to have been Cute Kid Peter overload honestly, I think I got cavities from the amount of fluff in this little drabble. Very worth it, excuse me, I have a trip to the dentist I need to make

🎉

Peter Calls Tony Dad (B99 Style) by @jen27ny

Summary: Pretty much exactly what the title says

Relationships/Tropes: Irondad, Avengers Family, Peter Calls Tony Dad

Review: This story was HILARIOUS, I loved that moment in B99, and this fic emulated the silliness and teasing perfectly, and the bit about them going to fix the video game was great! I loved this!

🎉

santa, come again by @jean-and-diet-coke

Summary: Christmas morning with the Starks!

Relationships/Tropes: Irondad, Rhodey & Tony, Rhodey & Peter, Bio Dad Tony, Christmas

Review:  This story was super adorable! I loved seeing how affectionate the three of them were with each other, and the softness of the story was perfect for the christmas season! I loved seeing both Tony and Rhodey be so gentle with Peter, and Peter being a sweet babbly child in return!

🎉

“Aces come out of the deck” by Miss__Red 

Summary: “I’m ace,“ he blurred out, avoiding to look at Wade and staring down on his plate instead. “I’m sorry, if that’s a deal breaker for you and you wanna leave that’s okay, I understand,” Peter said quietly.

Or the one where Peter tells Wade he’s asexual and Wade is not reacting like Peter thought he would

Relationships/Tropes: Spideypool, Asexual Peter Parker, Pansexual Wade Wilson, Coming Out, Soft Wade Wilson

Review: This story was so so nice to read, actually made me cry a little. I love stories where characters are accepting of someone's asexuality and this is definitely added to one of my favorites. Super cute and super sweet

🎉

“My Own ‘Spidey Sense’ Was Tingling” by @baloobird (Pt. 2 of The New Normal)

Summary: It has been a year since Peter Parker was diagnosed with Pediatric Multiple Sclerosis and he—like everyone with this disease—has to get an MRI scan done every year so the doctors can monitor his condition.

The scan itself is tedious but he’s used to it, it’s not his first one by any means. Peter knows what to expect, how loud it’ll be, how long it takes.

But this is the first scan where he’ll be completely by himself.

(Might be best to read the first story before this one)

Relationships/Tropes: Irondad, Uncle Happy, Sickfic, Chronic Illness, Neurological Disorders

Review:  Another great story about MS by @baloobird! This story was really well written, and I liked how Peter's anxiety over the MRI scan was shown and described, and I loved seeing Peter's thoughts about everything that happened! Very sweet story :D

🎉

50 Christmas Ornaments My True Love Gave To Me by @joyful-soul-collector (Pt. 10 of Irondad Oneshots)

Summary: It was Christmastime in the Stark-Rhodes-Potts’ household, with Tony, Rhodey, Pepper, Peter, and Morgan all sitting at the table. Jingle Bells was playing quietly in the background, and each one of them was working on decorating a clear plastic christmas bauble, a growing pile of colorful ornaments in the center of the table.

OR

The Iron Family gets carried away making Christmas ornaments, and Peter talks to his dad about asexuality

Relationships/Tropes: Irondad, Papa Rhodey, Mom Pepper, Peter & Morgan, Pepperhony (Pepper/Rhodey/Tony), Christmas, Asexual Peter Parker, Asexual Tony Stark, Bisexual Pepper Potts, Pansexual James “Rhodey” Rhodes, Polyamorous Relationship

Review: Yes, this is my own fic and I’m recommending it because I like it, and I worked hard on it haha. Anyway I like the amount of representation I put in this one, I remember starting this and being like “should I have Tony with Pepper or Rhodey?” and then decided fuck it, why not both? Both is good :D

🎉

If you look at any these stories, be sure to show the author your appreciation with a comment/kudos/reblog where applicable!

Click here for more fanfic rec lists!

[onceuponaloonatic]

hehe a little follow up to what i posted yesterday because i know your all curious :)

tw: abuse, jail, cursing, etc...

After her labor, Sana is exhausted. She wonders how people do this more than once and briefly wonders how her own mother had given birth to her. Sana had been an even longer labor than Nico was, her Aunt had told her her mother was in labor with her for more than thirty six hours. Sana had no idea how she was able to even get through that.

Her mother. Sana hadn’t thought about her in a while. The thought usually associated with Sana’s parents briefly crossed her mind. When were they getting out? The release date initially set for her parents had been very tentative, but Sana remembers it was still about five years from now. That was a bit scary. In five years her parents would be free again, for the first time since she was a scared teenager. She had sent them three letters over the years. Once when she got into college, a second when decided to major in physics, and a third right before graduation where she gushed about Mina and Jihyo. She never had the courage to go visit them. She supposed she might have if any of her letters had ever been returned, but Sana had long given up the hope of a return letter. It had been nearly twenty years, she wasn’t even sure if her parents even remembered those letters anymore. Mina and Jihyo interrupt her thoughts before she can think about her parents too much. They are both worried about her, asking her if she needs anything or if there was anything they could do for her. They tell her all of their friends were crowded around the window with all the newborns trying desperately to see their baby and probably making a huge scene and that makes Sana laugh. Because she could picture that so vividly, her friends all crowded around a glass display, probably pushing each other and being loud and obnoxious and not even realizing it. That was just how her friends, her real family, were. Sana couldn’t help but smile as she remembered that. Her parents hadn’t been her family in a long time, but she had found a much much better one. It would have been nice to let them meet Nico before the doctors stole her away from intubation, but Sana knew she had no control over that. “Did you get any pictures?” Sana asked the two of them. They had both followed the doctors out with Nico, letting Sana rest for a bit while they watched the baby. “A couple. The doctor let us take a few before they connected her to all of the machines.” Jihyo tries to keep things light, both she and Mina knew all too well that Sana was probably blaming herself for Nico being born early. “Wanna see?” Sana nods eagerly, scooting over a bit in her hospital bed so Jihyo could sit down next to her. “She looks so red.” Sana giggled as she swiped through the pictures. Jihyo had done a pretty good job with them. “Like a little tomato.” “Hey well she is our little tomato.” Mina giggled as she got on Sana’s other side, kissing her head as she wrapped an arm around her shoulder. “The doctors said that was normal and her skin would be normal soon.”

“That’s good.” Sana hummed. “Was she behaving?” “She was being a little fussy earlier though, wouldn’t stop wiggling around as the doctors connected her to the heart rate monitor and tubes.” Jihyo kissed Sana’s shoulder. Sana continues to scroll, both of her wives falling silent as she did. “Did- did they say anything about when she could come home?” Sana stops when she sees a picture with wires connected to their baby. Insecurities bubbled over and tears welled up in Sana’s eyes as she thought about Nico struggling. “They said around Christmas if everything goes well.” Jihyo answered, taking her phone back and putting it in her pocket.

“Was there- was there anything wrong with her?” Mina and Jihyo are both quiet at Sana’s question. Of course they want to tell their wife the truth, but that was hard when they knew it would only hurt Sana. “Please tell me.” Sana begs when she notices their silence. “It’s-it’s her lungs.” Jihyo sighs. “They said she’s probably going to have breathing problems her entire life. Something about them not developing properly and that it was normal for preemies.” That word slipped off of Jihyo’s tongue so easily it almost scared Sana. Preemie. Their daughter was a preemie. “But they also said they aren’t fatal or anything.” Mina rubbed Sana’s shoulder. “They said she will be able to live a mostly normal life.” “That’s good.” Sana sighed. “Can you send me the pictures? I want to send them to my Aunt.” “Yeah sure.” Jihyo smiled at Sana. “Done.” Sana looked around for her phone at Jihyo’s response and it was only then it dawned on her it was gone. “Do you guys have my phone?” Sana asked. “No.” Mina nodded. “I don’t either. I’ll check the hospital bag though.” Their hospital bag had been very hastily thrown together. They would have assembled a real one if it weren’t for the fact that Sana’s labor was so sudden. Because it was, they spent barely a minute just throwing random things in a duffle bag. There were some random hoodies, a change of clothes for Sana, and a couple phone chargers. That was all Mina could manage to get in with the time pressure they had been on. “It’s not here babe.” Jihyo sighed. “Did you leave it at home?” “I think so.” Sana sighed. “I can go get it for you.” Mina kissed Sana’s temple, noticing her stress. “No, it’s not that urgent.” Sana nodded. “I can wait until tomorrow.” “Are you sure?” Mina asks. “Yeah.” Sana pulled her down until a kiss. “Everything I need is here in this hospital.”

xx

Sana is discharged the next morning, but under strict instructions not to move around much. She grumbles about how they don’t have to worry about it, she barely can move as it is. The hospital gives them a wheelchair for her to go home in, but when they get home Sana insists on being carried by Jihyo who giggles and lifts her up slowly. Jihyo had been Momo’s gym buddy for years, as she was the only one who didn’t know Momo well enough to say no when she asked. Jihyo remembers when she told Mina and Sana about it and both of them told her she had made a mistake. They told her that Momo’s workouts were always so hard and took so long that they weren’t worth it. Jihyo ended up still going though, and she found herself getting used to it over time. Jihyo situates her in bed before leaving to take a shower. Mina begins to prepare lunch once she’s sure Sana is comfortable and Sana grabs her phone. She’s still in a bit of a weird headspace. It was weird to not have her daughter pushing at her back or kicking her anymore. It was weird to know her daughter was in the world miles from home. It was weird to think she had a daughter now. A living breathing daughter, that was no longer just a mass of cells inside of her. It was weird knowing she was someone’s mother now.

Sana finds her phone on the nightstand. She makes Jihyo hand it to her before she begins to shower and Sana realizes she has quite a few messages. Most of them are from her friends, and it makes her so happy to read them.

from that annoying bitch

Yesterday 11:56 PM

i know i didn’t get to see you today but i just wanted to make sure you were okay. mina and hyo say you're fine but i promised my mom i would make sure. i’m really happy for you and your daughter is so cute which is honestly surprising considering who her mom is. mina and hyo said we can meet her around christmas and i think nayeon might have put it in her phone calendar, just a warning my wife can be crazy with babies :p

Sana couldn’t help but roll her eyes at Momo’s text. Of course that was what Momo said.

to that annoying bitch

Just now

i left my phone at home, sorry lol. i’m pretty sore but i just got home. you can tell auntie i’m fine and that i’ll send some pictures of nico over in a bit. thanks for checking in, i knew you loved me ;)

from that annoying bitch

Just now

sorry but you know i never have. your just all weird from the post pregnancy

hormones :p

to that annoying bitch

Just now

you’ll admit it one day, mommy knows you're a good girl momoring ;)

from that annoying bitch

Just now

shut up i hate you so much :p do i have to deal with mommy jokes from now on?

to that annoying bitch

Just now

well considering i was making them before and i wasn’t a mom then, yes :p

from that annoying bitch

Just now

i cannot stand you

to that annoying bitch

Just now

your just annoyed i’m a milf and your not :p

from that annoying bitch

Just now

you are insufferable

Sana giggled at that. Her and Momo had always been the same and it was something really appreciated. It may have sounded like they hated each other, but truthfully they loved each other a lot. They were like twins. Sana and Momo. Momo and Sana. It had always, and would always be the two of them. Sana had never had a biological sister, but Momo was by far the closest thing she was ever going to get. She decides to start going through some other messages after she decided she had messed with Momo enough. from momo’s hot wife

Yesterday 12:05 am

send me baby pics

this isn’t a request it’s a demand

i need nico pics now

to momo’s hot wife

Just now

sorry i left my phone at home here

[image sent]

from momo’s hot wife

Just now

OH MY GOD I’M IN LOVE SHE’S SO CUTE BRB I’M GOING TO THE HOSPITAL TO STEAL HER

to momo’s hot wife

Just now

okay but after you steal her i’m coming to take her back :p

While waiting for Nayeon to respond she went through her other messages. They were mainly just congrats texts with a few worried ones, just as Sana was expecting. What she wasn’t expecting was the one from her Aunt. from auntie

two days ago

hey sana, it’s been a while :) i hope the pregnancy is going okay and i can’t wait to meet my granddaughter. just to let you know so you don’t have to find out through someone else… they set your parents' release date today. it’s set for november three years from now. i can go get them from jail, so you don’t have to worry about picking them up. i talked to your mom today and they plan on getting an apartment right after getting out right outside of seoul. i just thought it would be good for you to know. i love you and can’t wait to see you at christmas!

Reading that text made Sana feel like she was going to be sick. They set her parents' release date? Her parents were going to be coming back? To Seoul? The thought of that made her feel like she was going to be sick.

[oboevallis]

who is he pt 2

i have a lot of prompts and second parts i need to get out, so don’t think ive forgot about them. thanks for all the support and i hope everyone’s doing well and staying safe!!

“Mommy?” Scout asked as he hoisted himself up on the kitchen islands chair. “Can I play softball?”

“That’s gonna be a no.” Amelia answered as she was cutting up carrots to put into his lunch box.

“Come on why?”

“It’s dangerous, I don’t want you cracking your head open.”

“How about soccer?”

“Still dangerous but a bit better.” Amelia anxiously closed the tabs on the Tupperware. “We’ll talk about it later.”

“So that’s a never?”

“I promise we will talk about this, but we’re going to be late if we don’t get a move on.” The neurosurgeon threw her sons lunch box into his book bag and zipped it up handing it to him, ushering him out the door.

______________________________________

“Oh hey, Meredith. I have a question for you how did you accept that Ellis wanted to play soccer? Scouts been asking to play a sport and soccer seems the most moderate.” Amelia addressed her sister as she walked into the lounge.

“Link’s here.” Meredith ripped off the bandaid. “He’s doing a surgery with Koracick, Koracick wanted the best.”

“He could’ve called anyone else.” Amelia sighed, stressfully running a hand through her hair. “How could Tom do this, he’s my best friend.”

“It’s really sad that man is your best friend.”

“Shut up Meredith.” Amelia went over to her cubby taking her scrubs off.

“What are you doing?”

“I can’t stay here if he’s here.” Amelia sighed digging through her bag for her causal clothes. “Who the hell does Koracick think he is inviting him here? He could’ve called Torres she’s good.” She aggressively pulled her pants up when her breath hitched when the door opened revealing Link and Tom. She was frozen in place before she realized she had no shirt on, and quickly scrambled to throw it on.

“It’s nice to see you Dr Shepherd.” Link charmingly smiled.

“Likewise Dr Lincoln.” Amelia quickly said before exiting the attendings lounge.

“Amelia!” A voice called behind her.

“Can I help you?” She asked turning around, struggling to contain eye contact with the man.

“How are you?”

“Oh I’m dandy, how about yourself?”

“Yeah, I’m good. I’m assuming the kid with you at the baseball game is your son, he’s a cute kid.”

“I’m aware.” The neurosurgeon said before quickly turning around to get away from the man.

“Can we get a cup of coffee?” He called as she continued to walk.

“No thanks!” She called back.

______________________________________

“Would you mind taking my kids back to your place? My sitter fell through and their in my office.” Meredith approached her sister who was leaning over the nurses station engrossed in a chart.

“Yeah sure, I was just about to get Scout from daycare.”

“Your a life safer.” Meredith patted her sisters shoulder before quickly leaving. She first stopped off at Merediths office to collect Bailey and Ellis, as Zola was already old enough to be at the house alone. The then trio walked down to daycare.

“I’ll be right back.” She told the children who refused to step into the daycare now that they were big kids.

“Link!” Bailey smiled when he spotted the man.

“Bailey.” Link hesitantly walked over, he didn’t know how Amelia or Meredith would react if they found out about this. “How are you doing?”

“Yeah I’m doing well, it’s been so long since I’ve seen you.”

“Yeah, it’s been awhile.” The man played with the skin around his nail, a habit he picked up from his former girlfriend.

“The Mariners are doing great this season, you think they’re gonna make it to the World Series?”

“I hope so. They’re on a roll so far.”

“Have you seen the new marvel movie?” He missed the man who was like an uncle to him. They were very close, while his relationship with his aunt had lasted.

“I haven’t gotten to yet, the Mariner players are breaking bones left and right.” Link chuckled, these last couple of years he had committed everything to the team.

“Scout what happened to your eye?” Ellis asked, she had been pretty uninterested in the conversation so she didn’t mind breaking it up.

“At recess I was playing soccer and fell and the ball was right next to my head and someone kicked my head instead of the ball.”

“Well that’s definitely a penalty.” Ellis joked.

“We have to go guys.” Amelia tried to stay as civil as possible, but was pissed Link was talking to the kids. She knew Bailey missed him, but thought he had more sense than to start up a conversation with him. She ushered the kids along, before Link stopped her.

“Wait.”

“What?” She snapped turning around, she hadn’t meant to, she was upset about the school not telling her that Scout got hurt, that her son got hurt in the first place, and now that Link was here.

“Can we please talk?”

“I’d rather not.”

________________________________________

“Mom?”

“Yes sweetheart?” Amelia carefully placed an ice pack on his eye causing him to wince.

“Why was the baseball doctor at the hospital today?”

“Dr Tom needed his help.”

“How did Bailey and Ellis know him?”

“Well he used to work at the hospital, it’s kinda like how you know Dr Tom, Dr Winston, Dr Carina, it’s just like that.”

“He seemed pretty cool.” Amelia simply hummed in response, she prayed he wouldn’t make the connection that he was his father. “Was he your friend?”

“Yeah, kinda. Now we’ve gotta get you to bed.”

“Auntie Mer isn’t here yet, so are we sleeping here tonight?”

“Yeah, we’re here for the night.”

______________________________________

The neurosurgeon tiredly sighed as she collapsed into the couch. It was easier to put Meredith’s kids to bed now they were older, but her son hated sleeping in places that weren’t his own bed, and it was always a fight to put him to sleep. She assumed Zola was still up though, now that she was a teenager Meredith was lax on her sleep schedule. A knock at the door chasing her to groan. It was close to 11 at night, she assumed it was Maggie and she forgot her key and has three jugs of milk because she had a fight with Winston.

“What are you doing here?” She groaned as she opened the door revealing Link.

“I wanted to talk.”

“About?”

“About life, us.”

“There is no us.”

“Only because you made it that way.”

“Yeah, whatever Link.”

“Come on, I messed up. But you could’ve told me he was mine.”

“Who said he was yours?”

“Well you named him Scout, and Meredith told me.”

“Did she?” Amelia rolled her eyes, pissed at her sister. “Anyway it wouldn’t have mattered, you’d only be there for Scout and not me.”

“Amelia how could you be that selfish?”

“How was I being selfish?”

“You’ve been keeping him from me, and Meredith says he’s been asking.”

“I don’t know why Meredith is telling you anything.”

“Please Amelia, we both screwed up. But it wouldn’t have mattered if he was mine or not I would’ve loved him and you.”

“Sure didn’t seem like that.”

“I haven’t stopped loving you, I haven’t felt the things you made me feel with anyone else. Your the only person I’ve truly loved.”

“Seems really convenient to saying this now that you know he’s your kid.” Amelia walked back inside and shut the door. “Bye Link.” She let a couple of tears run down her cheek before she sucked them up, and walked upstairs to check on the kids. Zola was in her former room engrossed on her phone, Bailey in his attic room with Scout on the floor, and Ellis in Maggie’s former room.

“Amelia are you here?” She heard a voice from downstairs and saw Maggie.

“What are you doing here?” She whispered while cautiously walking down the stairs.

“Meredith got pulled into another surgery so I offered to come by, so you and Scout can sleep in your own beds.”

“Mer just didn’t want to see me because she knew I’d kill her.” Amelia crossed her arms, giving Maggie her mom look.

“She really does feel bad.”

“No she doesn’t. She always thought it was wrong I didn’t tell Link.”

“Yeah, she really thinks she’s right.”

“Of course she does she’s Mer, she does no wrong.” Maggie chuckled at the accuracy. “Do you think I’m wrong?”

“I don’t know. I know Scout wants to know his dad, and Link wants a chance to be a dad. But I also know all you want is for your kid to be loved and you’ve done a great job with him, and you just want to protect him.” Amelia embraced her sister in a hug, before reluctantly letting go.

“I don’t know what to do. Link came by today, and he called me selfish. Do you think I’m being selfish?”

“I think your trying to protect your kid.”

“I just want him to be loved.”

“I know, and he is. He has a village of people, no matter what you decide.”

________________________________________

Amelia heavily sighed, it’d been a week since Link had showed up on Merediths doorstep. It had been all she was able to think about. She patted her phone across her palm, debating whether or not she should call him.

“What’s for dinner?”

“I’m not sure, what do you want?” She patted the spot on the couch next to her.

“Pizza?” The small boy suggested.

“We had pizza the other night. What about chicken and rice?”

“Just don’t burn the chicken.” Scout smiled while he said it. Amelia playfully rolled her eyes as she stood up.

“Why don’t you help, to insure that doesn’t happen?” After the pair had dinner, she helped her son get ready for bed. Leaving her alone once he fell asleep, and contemplating whether or not she should call her former boyfriend. She impulsively clicked the call button, and immediately regretted it but it was too late.

“Amelia?”

“Hey, Link. I-I umm, Scout has been asking about his dad. And I know I’ve hurt you, but maybe we can arrange something?”

“Of course I’d really appreciate that.”

“Okay, umm how do you want to do this?”

“I think we should both be there first off, and what does he like to do?”

“He loves the outdoors, he really enjoys when we go hiking or to the zoo.”

“Okay, how about Mt Rainer?”

“Sounds like we would be stuck with each other on a mountain for a whole day. Why don’t we just go to the zoo?”

“Sounds good. Friday?”

“Friday.”

“I’m sorry I called you selfish. I didn’t mean it.”Amelia abruptly hung up her phone.

[perriewinklenerdie]

Stuck with you (Ethan Ramsey x MC)

Open Heart, Ethan Ramsey x MC

A/N: Hello, hello, hello! How are we, guys? Alive and kicking? Getting enough sleep? Drinking water? (also tea, tea is awesome, 11/10). It’s been (again) a while since I’ve posted anything on here, huh. I’m working on another fic as we speak (summer theme cause summer is ending and I’m not ready for it), so we’ll see how it goes :D

AO3 link:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/26013712

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Enjoy! <3

------------------

Claire noted with an overwhelming sense of relief that as the end of her shift approached, the intensity of the day decreased significantly. What used to be a fast-paced march in the early hours of the morning, was now a slower stroll. It was mostly due to the fact that all her patients were stable, and her pager miraculously wasn’t going off every five seconds like it tended to do almost every day of her life at Edenbrook.

Her contemplation was cut short when she felt insistent tugging on her white coat. She moved her eyes towards the source of the movement, being only half surprised when she saw a seven-year-old girl, smiling widely at her.

“Dr. Claire! The nurse came to take my blood, to see if it was good and she gave me a high-five.”

“I’m sure you were so brave.” a smile blossomed on her face as she kneeled down to be on the same eye level as her little patient.

“I was! Can I have a lollipop now? I didn’t even cry or anything, it was just like you said, barely a pinch and it was over.” The girl asked, thinking back to the conversation they had that morning. It wasn’t even something that Claire did only for this patient, not a one-time event.

It has become a sort of a legend among younger patients and nurses, that she always had a bunch of sweets in her pockets, giving them out to the kids on occasions. Mostly because of it, along with how good she was with young people, she was a liked doctor that was invited into all the tea parties and book readings organized by kids, with a bit of help from the nurses.

“As promised, here it is.” Her hand disappeared into the pocket and emerged with a pink and white lollipop in a colorful wrapper.

“Thanks, Dr. Claire! You’re the best.”

“Don’t run while eating it, we don’t want you to get hurt, okay?” she warned her before standing up. The girl was already running away, though, waving the candy in the air in excitement.

“Sure thing, doc, have a nice day!”

Claire shook her head in amusement, straightening the creases on her coat as she turned away to walk towards the ER. She was stopped short in her tracks, however, by the sight of an eyebrow raised so high up that it might as well have flown off his face altogether, accompanied by a curious gaze of Ethan Ramsey. His arms were folded across his chest, his posture meant to intimidate.

“You’re a doctor, Herondale. Giving away sweets in a hospital? That’s promoting diabetes.” He pointed out, waiting for her to explain her behavior. She imagined that a comment like that had the potential to make some interns cry; hell, even less resistant to pressure residents tended to avoid confrontation with him if they could help it. But Claire? Hell no.

“It’s a little reward for being brave. I can attest that it works, they are much more likely to go through their procedures- “

“- and not be scared. Good call, Rookie, even though I still think you’re spreading diabetes in the hospital.” Ethan smiled, breaking the act of trying to reprimand her. Instead, he took a small step towards her, brushing a stray lock of hair from her face. Her eyes sparkled teasingly, holding his gaze in a tight lock with her own as she decreased the distance between them even more.

“The only diabetes you’re going to get is from me being so sweet.” Claire’s voice dropped to a gentle whisper the more she talked, then she slowly stood on the tips of her toes to kiss his cheek. The corners of his lips went up, forming a smile, partly concealed by her hair. Before anything else could be said or done, the sound of a phone ringing caused them to, albeit reluctantly, step away from each other slightly.

“As much as I would love to continue this conversation, I should get going. Us Herondales really do hate waiting, you know.” She grinned, beginning to walk away from him.

“Yeah, I think I do. I wish I could go with you.”

“I know you do, Ethan. Maybe next time? Actually, definitely next time; I don’t think my Mom will let you skip the next family lunch, no matter how much important work you have.” He laughed, shaking his head as he watched her retreating form.

“See you this evening?”

“You can count on it, Ramsey.”

------------

It was slowly getting dark when he got home, and by the time he got round to cooking dinner, the sun has already set. He didn’t think much about the lack of contact with her; he knew how those family meetings went, so if he had to guess, Will most likely kidnapped her phone.

The ringing startled him a little, but still, nothing seemed wrong, hence why he walked towards the sound calmly. Claire’s name flashed on the screen, pulling a smile onto his face.

“Right on cue, Dr. Herondale. Dinner is almost ready, will you be home soon?” he asked, leaning against the back of the couch. There was a short moment of silence before she spoke, her voice just a little on edge.

“I don’t want you to freak out, but I got shot.”

“What?”

It was good that he had something to fall onto, because the initial reaction of his body caused his knees to go weak. He should have known that something wasn’t right, but never would he have thought that while she was supposed to be with her family, she would get hurt.

“It’s nothing, really, a clean in and out wound, I’m already having it treated.” Claire’s voice was steady, nothing indicating any unbearable pain, but then again, he didn’t know what exactly happened, so she might as well have been trying to calm him down.

“Where are you?” he asked, already running to the kitchen to turn the burners off, grabbing his car keys along the way.

“Edenbrook, but as I said-“

“I’ll be there in fifteen minutes.” He cut her off, walking out of the apartment in rush.

It’s funny how fluid the time is. The more one is anticipating something, the slower it goes by. Consequently, the more one is dreading something, the more it rushes forward. Ethan was experiencing something entirely different. The whole ride to the hospital felt like it lasted two eternities, and yet he couldn’t remember a thing from that time, like it happened in a split second.

His feet carried him forward, recklessly running through the maze of corridors, ignoring stares he was getting from his coworkers. Any logical thought has evaporated, leaving only blinding panic, unprompted by her way of speaking, but pushed forward by what she said.

Danny didn’t even question his disheveled state when he asked for the room number, knowing better than to stand in his way. His muscles screamed, more tired than after any other exercise, but the fear of the unknown was pushing him towards her. He opened the door, only to see Claire sitting on the bed, discomfort clear on her face. Not pain, not distress. Discomfort.

Because in front of her bed were two people, sitting in a pair of chairs. The room was filled with crying of a little boy, shaking in his mother’s arms. He was muttering something incoherently; Ethan wasn’t able to figure out what exactly the kid was saying. Meanwhile, Claire was trying her best to calm the boy down, her hands trembling in frustration that she was stuck in bed.

Ethan expected everything. Literally anything but this. Because how the hell could he have predicted that he would find Claire, shot and panicking because her nephew was crying. The woman sitting on the chair, Claire’s sister in law, Louise, made eye contact with him, her face twisted in a mixture of helplessness and horror, not communicating a lot to him about what had happened.

Then he turned towards Claire, his eyes running over her, searching for the wound or any additional injuries. Her calf was bandaged and resting on top of the covers, but other than that, she seemed fine. Her head moved slightly, signalizing that she was indeed okay, after which she nodded towards her nephew giving him a clue.

How the hell did an eight-year-old boy shoot his aunt?

Ethan ran a hand over his face, breathing in deeply. With no idea how to even begin the conversation, he looked at Louise. She sighed, then started explaining.

“Our genius uncle decided that Toby was old enough to try shooting an air gun. He tried to aim towards the target, but it fired early by accident.” She took a break to look at her son, squeezing his shoulder reassuringly. “It just so happened that Claire was in the bullet’s way.”

“But I’m okay.” Claire rushed to reassure them, smiling softly at Toby. He started crying again, hiding his face in his mother’s sweater. Ethan sensed what she meant, walking over to the little boy and kneeling by his side.

“How are you doing, little man?” he asked, trying to test the waters before saying anything else. Toby didn’t respond, but he did turn his head to look at Ethan, his eyes red from crying.

“I- I hurt aunt Claire.” He muttered before another batch of tears gathered in his eyes. The older doctor extended his hand towards him, patting him on the shoulder comfortingly.

“I can assure you that your aunt is going to be okay. I saw her leg, it’s going to heal before you know it, yeah?” he caught Toby’s gaze, seeing him already feeling a bit better. “Let me tell you a secret. When she feels better, give her a big hug. It always works.”

“Hugs won’t always get you out of trouble, Ramsey.” The blonde doctor warned, grinning from ear to ear in a teasing manner. He schooled his features when he looked at her, then dropped the act and smirked, mischief spelled across his face as he took a step towards her.

“Ethan, no.” she warned him, her eyes growing wide. He took another step. “No.” She moved back into her bed, scooting away from him. Before she could give him another warning, he reached her and dug his fingers into her sides, tickling her mercilessly until she laughed. Claire tried to slap his hands away, to no avail, but the torture didn’t last long. Soon enough, he wrapped his arms around her, engulfing her in his warm embrace.

“Am I forgiven?” his lips brushed against her ear as he muttered the question. She took a moment, keeping him on his toes, giggling when he leaned away to look at her in consternation.

“For now, you are. We’ll see later, Mister.”

Their little game seemed to do the trick; Toby calmed down, and by the time Louise took him home, he was smiling. The door closed behind them, leaving Ethan with Claire. Visiting hours were long over, but there was not a one person that came to kick him out, courtesy of them both being doctors. He remained seated in the chair next to her bed, holding onto her hand as they talked.

“Shouldn’t you go home and rest? You have a shift in the morning.” She muttered, tracing his knuckles with her thumb.

“No, I don’t. Naveen let me stay with you, make sure you don’t injure your leg further. No walking, no running, only being carried.” He grinned, leaning towards her a bit, dropping his voice to a low whisper. “I’m your very own, private taxi.”

She laughed, pulling him onto the bed by his hand. “Okay then, since you’re not going home, you’re sleeping with me.” his eyebrow shot up in a teasing manner, opening his mouth to protest, but she was faster than him. “Yes, you are forgiven, and no, I won’t take no for an answer, Ramsey. Get in here.”

Sighing heavily, he removed his shoes and sat next to her, mindful of her injured leg. He looked at the wound for a long moment, being stopped by Claire pulling him to lie down. “I’m never leaving you again when guns are involved.” He pressed his lips against her forehead, muttering the words quietly.

“Only when guns are involved?” she joked, embracing him a bit tighter. Rather than seeing, she felt him laugh.

“Okay, you just scored yourself a lifetime of being stuck with me. Is that what you wanted, Herondale?” their eyes met, sparkling with humor and love. Stretching herself to her best ability, she pressed a short, sweet kiss to his chin before falling back into his arms.

“Give me the ‘brave patient’ candy and it’s a deal”

They remained in that position for quite some time, conversing silently, his hand running up and down her leg in a soothing motion. A short while after he turned the lights off so they could get some rest, she gave him a more serious answer, her words muffled by the fabric of his shirt. “I’m perfectly fine with being stuck with you.”

[heauxplesslydevoted]

Mommie Dearest (Ethan x MC)

Summary: After 26 long years, Ethan finally comes face to face with his mother

Author’s Note: I wanted this to be out in time for Mother’s Day, but my writer’s block was like “lmao”, but better late than never, right?

Tags: @fanmantrashcan @ao719 @x-kyne-x @colourmeshy @writinghereandthere @paulfwesley @ramseyandrys @a-i-n-a-a-s-h @perriewinklenerdie @aworldoffandoms @thatcatlady0716 @drakewalker04 @canknot @hatescapsicum @lapisreviewsstuff @senseofduties @badchoicesposts @ethandaddyramsey @the-soot-sprite @chasingrobbie @zodiacsign1 @choices-lurker @miyakokurono @trappedinfandoms @my-heart-beats-for-ya @adrian-motherfucking-raines @riverrune @edith-eggs1 @thatysn @bellcat2010 @theeccentricbibliophile @cecilecontrera @junehiratas @choices-love-affair @openheart12 @kaavyaethanramsey @caseyvalentineramsey @adrex04 @desmaranj @mal-volaris @whatchique @nazario-sayeed @aestheticartwriting @mvalentine @nooruleman @ruinedbypixels

~v~

Ethan Ramsey has never been so nervous in his life. Not when he did interviews for medical school. Not when he met Dr. Banerji. Not even when he finally asked out Naomi for a date.

Walking into an Italian restaurant to meet his mother has him at his peak.

She’s been trying to reach out for months now and he’s been able to rebuff her at every turn, but she’s really kicked it up these past few weeks. It all culminated in her showing up at Edenbrook, in front of his office, telling everyone within a few feet of her that she’s Ethan Ramsey’s mother.

Alan wanted him to reach out at least once, to see if the mother and son could actually make amends. Naveen thought so as well. An hour or so of his time could answer a lot of questions, and maybe help him seek closure.

It wasn’t until Naomi spoke up did he actually agree to give it a shot. She said he deserved answers, he deserved to be heard, and his mother owed it to him more than anything to sit down and face him.

So now he’s here. Coming face to face with Margaret Ramsey for the first time in over two decades. He wants to turn around and run. He wants to hide somewhere. He wants to call Naomi and tell her to come to the restaurant and help him muddle through this dinner. But Ethan doesn’t do any of that, instead he powers through.

She’s sitting at a table right in the middle of the restaurant, casually glancing at a wine menu. A gasp catches in his throat at the sight of her. She’s so much different than he remembers her, his memory only ever able to produce a hazy figure, but she’s still so similar, just older. She’s skinnier than he can recall, more frail. She’s wearing a simple green sweater and jeans, her hair in a bun, with a pair of cubic zirconia earrings, but Ethan can tell this is her version of getting “dolled up”.

He doesn’t know how long he’s been standing, gaping at her like she’s some sort of museum exhibit, but Margaret breaks the trance, staring up at him. A wide grin breaks out on her face and she instantly stands up. “Oh my goodness, I’m so glad you came!”

She reaches out to hug him, but Ethan bristles and takes a step back, recoiling from his mother’s touch as if it’d burn him. Margaret flinches, but she doesn’t make a fuss over it. “Sit, sit!”

Ethan slides into his seat as Margaret does the same. For a long while, they just stare at each other.

Again, Margaret is the first one to break the tension. “I know you said you’d come, but I’m still shocked to see you. I really thought you’d change your mind.”

He did change his mind. Multiple times throughout the day, Ethan went back and forth on this decision, unsure if it was the right one. “Well, I’m here.”

“I’m glad.” Margaret looks him up and down. Gone is the lanky 11 year old she remembered, and there’s a grown man in his place. It feels surreal, the amount of time that’s passed. “You look so good. Parents often wonder what their kids are going to look like but wow, seeing you so grown up is...mind boggling.”

She isn’t some distant aunt or third cousin twice removed he’s seeing at a family reunion, but his mother. His growth wouldn’t be such a shock if she actually stuck around. “A lot changes in 26 years.”

“Touche.”

Tense silence hangs above them like a dark cloud. The only reprieve they get is when a waiter comes to the table to take their drink order. Ethan springs for a bottle of wine, needing alcohol to get through this.

“Your father tells me you’re some sort of hot shot doctor,” Margaret starts. “And you have a whole team of people under you.”

“I do,” Ethan confirms. “It’s a diagnostics team.”

“A what now?”

“Diagnostics. We treat the untreatable. When no one else knows what’s wrong, we step in and get things figured out.”

Margaret oohs at the explanation, smiling. “You sound so fancy. Like Dr. House!”

“Sort of. I’m not addicted to opioids though.”

“My son, the doctor. I always knew you were destined for greatness. You came out of the womb smart and wise beyond your years.”

The anecdote might’ve been nice coming from his dad, but hearing his mom say it makes him shift uncomfortably. She’s a stranger, for Christ’s sake. She doesn’t know a damn thing about him, about his potential for greatness.

Quickly, Ethan lifts his glass to his lips and takes a sip. He exhales slowly, carefully measuring his next thoughts and words. “What are we doing, Margaret?”

The question catches the older woman off guard. “What do you mean? We’re having dinner.”

“Okay, but why? Why are we here? Why now? I’m 37 years old, why did you pop back into my life at this point in time? What do you want?”

“It would’ve been a lot sooner, but you weren’t too receptive to a reconciliation,” Margaret points out.

“So it’s my fault? Is that the angle you really want to go for?”

“No! No, of course not.” Margaret’s eyes shift around the dining room, casually observing her surroundings. She feels anxious now, jittery.

Eventually her gaze reruns to Ethan and she gives him her full attention. “I guess I’m just tired of running. I know I’ve missed out on so much, more than I can ever make up for but, I’m here now. I’m here and I’d love to be in your life again. You asked me what I want, I just want you, in whatever capacity you’ll have me.”

“Why’d you leave in the first place?” Ethan asks. “I thought we were a family, I thought we were happy.”

“Ethan…” she doesn’t want to go down this road. “Can’t we leave that in the past?”

“No.”

“I don’t have an answer.”

Ethan shakes his head. “That’s not good enough. There had to be some reason you left your job, your home, your husband, your child. You left and you never looked back. I deserve an answer, any answer. Witness Protection, alien abduction, anything.”

“I was young,” Margaret says. “I was 19 when I had you, I was still a baby. And we just settled into...monotony and routine, and I felt antsy. I didn’t think I could be a good wife and mother, my heart wasn’t in it. I thought no mother or wife would be better than a crappy one, and you guys would be better off without me in the picture.”

“You have some extremely flawed logic, Margaret.”

She only shrugs in response. “I know, but you weren’t anticipating a perfect answer. So...can we please just try to enjoy this dinner?”

Ethan ponders the question. He is starving, and this is a restaurant he’s been meaning to try. While the company isn’t what he’d usually want, Ethan is sure he can make do.

“We can enjoy dinner.”

Margaret smiles, her eyes crinkling slightly as she does so. “Yay! I hope they have a good chicken marsala because I am starving.”

~v~

By the time they’re finishing appetizers, Ethan has relaxed considerably. Maybe it’s the glass of wine, maybe he’s finally ready to ease up around his mother, but whatever it is, Ethan is grateful.

“Tell me more about your job,” Margaret probes. “I may not know all the medical mumbo jumbo, but I’ve seen E.R. I can kind of follow along. How long have you been in Boston?”

“Since I graduated medical school, 11 years now. I did my internship at Edenbrook, and I never left.”

“Do you like it?”

“I love it.”

“You don’t ever want to be somewhere else? Like Stanford? Or Johns Hopkins?

“They’re great, but no. And I went to Hopkins for medical school, I’ve had my fill of them.” Ethan’s phone vibrates in his pocket. “Excuse me.”

He slips his phone out and looks at the screen. It’s a text message from Naomi.

How are things going?

He quickly sends her a reply.

I think they’re going...ok.

And you know I hate texting.

It takes her less than 10 seconds to respond, his phone beeping multiple times.

Yay!! I’m so glad things are going well!

And you love me, so you’ll deal

Ok, I’ll leave you alone now.

That makes Ethan roll his eyes, but he smiles at the message.

“Talking to someone special?” Margaret asks, gaining his attention.

Ethan’s head snaps up and he looks at his mom. “Huh?”

Margaret points to the phone. “Your face just lit up when you read your messages. Your dad told me that you’re seeing someone. Is that her?”

“Yes.”

“What’s her name?”

Ethan doesn’t know if he’s willing to talk to Margaret about something as precious to him as Naomi. Does she deserve to be privy to his personal life?

He decides to take the leap. “Naomi.”

“Ooh, like the supermodel,” Margaret coos. She raises an eyebrow. “Are...you dating the supermodel?”

“No, I’m not dating Naomi Campbell. Naomi—my Naomi—is a doctor at Edenbrook.”

“How long have you guys been dating?”

“Seven months now.”

“Do you love her?”

“Very much so,” Ethan confesses, not a hint of trepidation in his voice.

“Well what are you doing still being boyfriend and girlfriend? Sounds to me like you should lock things down and marry her.”

Margaret Ramsey is the last person Ethan will ever take relationship advice from. “Naomi and I are perfectly fine with the pace of our relationship. I’m not going to rush anything.”

“You’re right, I’m sorry.” Margaret sighs wistfully. “”I just...I've wasted so much time, and I’ve missed so many moments. And now that I’m back, I’m projecting. It’s misplaced, and I overstepped.”

Ethan softens slightly. “It’s fine, no need to apologize.”

“Besides, there’ll be plenty of time for me to one day see you gg walk down the aisle. I don’t know if your father told you, but I’ve been looking for a place of my own.”

“Oh really?”

“Yes. I got a job at a local grocery store, and I’ve been trying to find something close by, ideally in Boston or close by.”

“Good for you.”

Margaret looks around, unable to meet Ethan’s gaze and she rings her hands together. After staring at the passing waiters and patrons for a while, she turns back to the table, though her eyes remain fixed on the tablecloth. “I’ve been trying my hardest recently to get my life back in order after spending so much time aimlessly flitting around New England. But no one tells you how challenging it is to do that.” 

Finally she meets Ethan’s eyes. “In my hunt for a place of my own, I’ve come to realize that it won’t be smooth sailing. My savings is abysmal, and my credit is shot, so passing credit checks is hard and banks want such high down payments on houses and even higher interest rates.”

“I know you’ll probably think I’m ridiculous for bringing this up, and I hate to even mention it, but I just thought if in order for you and I to get on the right track, you’d maybe want to help. I guess it’s safe to assume you’re doing well…”

Ethan sees his mother’s mouth moving, but the rest of her spiel fades out like white noise. This is what she really wanted to meet with him for? Money?

A chill runs through his body, starting at the base of his skull, traveling down the length of his spine, and moving outwards. He feels frozen in place, like he’s being forced to sit in this chair.

Everything is jumbled and he can’t form a coherent thought to save his life.

Whatever it is, he wills it to pass. He doesn’t want to cause a scene in the restaurant, and he doesn’t want to be emotional in front of this woman.

It takes a long time for him to regain control of his person, but when he does, he releases a breath. Margaret is still going on, talking about a loan manager, but he holds up a hand to stop her in her tracks.

“You’re good,” he says. “Like...really good.”

She feigns confusion. “Good at what?”

“Acting. You’re so good at being a grifter, the lies and tall tales come so easily to you. You begged me to meet you, forced my dad to beg, and for what? Because you’re flat broke.” Ethan chuckles humorlessly. “What, did you Google me and dig for my net worth? Find out what type of car I drive? Research how much condos in my neighborhood cost?”

“Ethan, I–”

“Save it!” His tone is so sharp, it makes her flinch. The couple at the table next to them stop talking in order to stare. “I can’t believe I let my guard down around you, even slightly. You’re still the same piece of garbage you were 26 years ago.”

“You know Margaret, I would’ve respected you more if you would’ve been upfront and said you wanted money. Sure, I would’ve still said no, but there was no need for the disingenuous long con. You didn’t have to pull my dad into this, you didn’t need to show up to my job, you didn’t have to pretend to care about making amends, about being a part of my future, any of it.” Ethan hastily stands, pulling out his wallet. Hands trembling and clammy, he pulls out a crisp hundred dollar bill and throws it on the table. “Don’t ever, in your pathetic excuse for a life, reach out to me again.”

Ethan doesn’t bother grabbing his jacket. Instead he just turns around and walks away, ignoring Margaret’s pleas and shouts.

~v~

The drive home is long, silent, and tense, but Ethan makes it without snapping his steering wheel in half or causing a rage induced accident. He’s trying his hardest to remain calm, because who the fuck is Margaret and why does she have the right to get under Ethan fucking Ramsey’s skin? But it’s not working. He can feel all of the emotions simmering under the surface, crackling with a sharp intensity.

He opens the door to his apartment and crosses the threshold. His eyes fall on Naomi, sitting on his couch, curled up in a thick blanket, watching some silly reality show. Jenner’s on her lap, happily watching the show with her as she scratches his ears.

His entrance garners their attention and they look up. Naomi’s eyes widen and she cranes her neck, hoping to get a look at the time on the microwave from her spot on the couch. “Ethan! What are you doing here?”

“I live here, Rookie,” he quips. Ethan kicks off his shoes, leaving them at the door

Naomi rolls her eyes. “Obviously, smartass. I thought you’d still be having dinner with your mom.”

“I don’t have a mom,” Ethan says, his voice taking on an edge she’s not used to. “I had a surrogate who stayed 11 years too long.”

Naomi stands up and walks towards Ethan, who’s heading into the kitchen. She watches as he rinses out a glass and pours himself some scotch. “What happened? I thought things were going well.”

“I thought so too.” Ethan downs the drink in one gulp. “We were doing okay, she asked about my work, she asked about you, about us. And then it all culminated in her asking me for money.”

“What?”

“Yeah, she claims she wants a down payment for a house close by, but who knows if that was the truth. I could cut her a check and she’d be out of the state within an hour.”

Naomi frowns. “Baby, I am so sorry.”

“What is there to be sorry for?” Ethan asks. “Seriously, what? This isn’t your fault. Margaret showed me the type of person she was 26 years ago when she said she was going to the grocery store and she never came back. She showed me who she was when she never once tried to see me. I didn’t hear from her on my birthdays. I didn’t hear from her when I graduated high school, college, medical school, nothing. She wasn’t there when I got my tonsils removed, or when I won the science fair.  She disappeared like a thief in the night without a backwards glance and without a shred of remorse. And even tonight, not once did she apologize, she just gave me a shitty excuse about how she thought I was better off without her, and you know what? She was goddamn right. Margaret Ramsey showed her true colors a long time ago, hell, even all those months ago when she stole out of the convenience store.”

“Birthdays, Christmases, 26 Mother’s Days came and went without her. You know what was really fun? Seeing my friends in school have moms that participated in bake sales, and ‘Back to School Nights’ and field trips. It was great having the other parents and classmates take pity on me because I was the motherless child.”

“And she just waltzes back into town thinking, ‘Oh wow the kid I abandoned actually made something of himself. I researched doctor’s salaries in Boston, Google tells me he lives in a multi-million dollar apartment complex, he drives a Mercedes. Maybe I can swoop in and upend his life once more.’” Ethan takes the tumbler in his hand and throws it against the wall. Naomi jumps back, startled by the loud crash. “Fuck her! She’s dead to me.”

Naomi sucks in a deep breath and takes a step closer to Ethan. “You don’t mean that.”

“I absolutely do mean it,” Ethan argues.

“No you don’t. Because if you were truly done with the situation, if you were truly healed, you wouldn’t be so worked up over it.”

Ethan glances at the shards of glass littering his kitchen floor. “No, I think that did it. I think I got it out of my system.”

“I think you should–”

“You know what I think?” Ethan interjects, not giving Naomi the chance to speak. “I think we should move on.” He turns to his girlfriend and takes a step closer, eyes raking over her. “Moving on, hello. I don’t think I greeted you properly.”

“It’s fine.”

“It’s not fine. I’m sorry I even let thoughts of that woman follow me home.” Ethan surges forward, his hand curling around Naomi’s waist, pulling her closer. He bends slightly, inhaling her scent. Her skin is soft and she smells like coconut. “You smell good.”

“Thank you.”

“I’m sorry I even went to that dinner,” Ethan murmurs. “I could’ve been here and showered with you.”

Naomi can see right through him. He’s deflecting, trying to push his feelings aside. He’s so good at it, bottling everything up, but she doesn’t want that to happen. “Ethan–”

He cuts Naomi off again, this time slanting his mouth over hers, enveloping her in a kiss that threatens to steal the breath straight from her lungs. She scrambles, arms flailing as she tries to hold onto something that will keep her upright. Thankfully Ethan walks them backwards until her back is pressed against the fridge.

His tongue sweeps across her bottom lip before invading her mouth, deepening the kiss. Desperate to touch her, Ethan grips her hip in his hand, reveling in her warmth. Naomi is here. She’s here. She’s real. And she’s not going anywhere.

She breaks the kiss, the urge to inhale too strong to ignore. Her palms rest against his chest, and she can feel just how erratic his heartbeat is. Sparing a glance upward, Naomi’s breath catches in her throat as she sees Ethan looking down at her, tears in his eyes.

“Ethan, talk to me,” Naomi pleads, taking his face in both of her hands. “Don’t shut me out, don’t try to deflect.” Ethan shakes his head, unable to find the words, unable to say them out loud. Naomi sighs. If he won’t start the conversation, she will. “I love you. I love you so much, and I am so sorry. I’m so sorry about your mom. You deserve so much more than she’s ever given you.”

That seems to help push things in the right direction, as Ethan slumps forward and rests all of his weight on her, his false bravado gone

“Why does it s-still matter?” Ethan asks, his voice breaking as the sobs settle in, wracking his body. “Why do I still care so much?”

“Because you’re not the robot you pretend to be.”

“I’m so stupid. I should’ve never agreed to do this.”

“You’re the furthest thing from stupid. You needed to see her for yourself. She owed you answers and closure.”

“I didn’t get it.”

“You did, it just wasn’t pretty. Now you know for certain the type of woman she is.”

But why did he have to throw himself back into the lion’s den in order to find out what he already knew? Now all of the old wounds have come back to surface, open and raw, ripe for picking. He feels like he’s been turned inside out and left for the taking.

“All these y-years later, and she still doesn’t...love m-me,” Ethan cries, fat tears rolling down the apples of his cheeks. “She st-still doesn’t want me. What did I do?”

Standing in front of her isn’t her 37 year old doctor boyfriend, but a heartbroken 11 year old who desperately wants his mom to come home from the “grocery store”. His pain is palpable, and Naomi’s heart aches for him. Ethan was dealt a shitty hand, and he didn’t deserve it at all.

His weight becomes too much for her to bear, and they sink down on the kitchen floor. Ethan buries his head in Naomi’s lap and she just cradles him. She’s never seen Ethan this upset and out of sorts, not when Delores died, and not when Naveen was on the brink of death, so she feels like a fish out of water.

“You didn’t do anything. You’re the child, you can’t carry this burden. Your mother is at fault, and it’s all her doing.”

She doesn’t know what else to say to him. She can tell him that he’s smart, and successful. She can tell him that he’s a wonderful guy, and that he deserves the world, and his mother is a selfish idiot for not seeing what she sees, but she doesn’t know if it will help. All the compliments and platitudes in the world can’t make up for your own mother not wanting anything to do with you.

So she doesn’t say anything. Silence falls between them, the only sound to be heard coming from the television and Jenner occasionally whining from his spot on the couch. Naomi simply strokes his hair and other places she can touch on his body.

They stay in that position for a long time, but the cold tiles of the kitchen floor become too uncomfortable to ignore after a while. Naomi stands up and drags Ethan along with her as they make their way to his bedroom.

Ethan is dead weight and doesn’t offer much help, so Naomi rids him of his clothes by herself, until he’s left in nothing but his boxers. His last bout of energy is used to collapse into bed, where he curls into Naomi’s side, holding her close.

“I’m off tomorrow,” Naomi says, breaking their silence. “I think you should take a personal day. You deserve to get some rest.”

She expects him to argue. He’s Ethan Ramsey, a workaholic, and if anything, he’ll use this as a reason to bury himself further in his work.

But he doesn’t argue. He nods and says, “Okay.”

“I’m sorry if I was too aggressive earlier,” Ethan continues, his voice still soft and quiet. “Yelling, throwing that glass, kissing you like that, it wasn’t appropriate.”

“Apology not needed. But thank you anyway.”

Ethan rolls over and stares at Naomi, analyzing her features. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” Naomi kisses his bicep, too lazy to stretch up and kiss his lips. She rolls over and turns off the lamp at his bedside.

It doesn’t take long and she can feel herself getting sleepy, the events of the past hour taking their toll, a heaviness settling in her bones. As she starts to doze off, Ethan calls out for her. “Hey, Naomi?”

“Hmmm?”

“You’re the most important family I have.”

And with that, he falls asleep.