#like my brain's trying to tell me that everything about me is fake and I'm starting to believe it a little

[da-proti-toku-grem]

feeling like a total asshole today 👍

[sitaarein]

Y'all ever just. Feel like complete frauds?

[ithebookhoarder]

Hello hi ! 🤗

Can you do a "bau reacts" when they are undercover in public and about to be found out so the reader just starts making out with them to pretend they are just a couple?

(BAU Headcanons) Making out Undercover

A/N: Mwahaha. Oh, this is a good prompt. Thanks for making me daydream all afternoon. Enjoy my lovelies 😉 Also, as a note, I'm writing the main BAU where I'm at watching it (season 13) plus Luke as he was requested previously 💕

Warnings: Mentions of threat, mentions of weapons, alcohol references, sexual references, implied cases / unsubs. (Let me know if I missed any)

Aaron Hotchner

We know Aaron doesn’t go undercover for most cases, so this would have to be a big case to get him into the field. 

This man would be in shock. Let’s be real. He would freeze in place and try to argue for a split second until he realises what you’re trying to do and why - even if you were already together. 

As soon as they’re gone though, you’d glance up and see his usual steely glare that tells you you’re in for a scolding once this is over. 

However, you’d have to be blind to miss the way he lingers for a moment, holding you close for half a second longer than necessary. 

“I feel I should remind you that we are in the field, and whilst it may have worked, I can’t endorse it as a tactic in future. Understood?” 

“So I’m hearing that we’re leaving this off of our case report then?” 

“Agreed. I don’t need to give Strauss anything else to use to go after us and the team.”

He would roll his eyes and take off after the Unsub, but you’d have to be blind to miss the way he smirks as he goes. 

David Rossi 

He’d be a little embarrassed but mostly quite smug about the whole thing, even if you were supposed to be undercover. 

“Well, I can safely say in all my years in this field I don’t think that’s ever happened to me before.” 

He’d also refuse to let you apologise for your actions afterwards either. 

One, because he’s kind of flattered. 

Two, because he’s been around the block a few times and knows that sometimes you have to do what it takes to solve a case or protect yourselves. 

Three, you were supposed to be a couple and kissing is what couples do. He’s only sour because if anything he would have liked to be the one who kissed you. 

“Relax about it, would you? I won’t tell you some of the things Gideon and I had to do back in the old days. That was before all this new paperwork and guidelines, so that’s all I’ll say on the matter.” 

You make a point of remembering to ask him about that at your next night off over drinks. 

Derek Morgan

Derek is always up for anything so I feel like he’d be pretty relaxed about being undercover with you, even if you weren't together romantically. He has no issue playing your pretend boyfriend for one night, and is quick to wrap his arm around you. 

Which is why it would be such a surprise to him when it’s you who initiated the kiss. 

Derek would freeze for like a second, but only out of shock. However, you know he wouldn’t fight you on it. 

The second his brain catches up to his body he would be kissing you back, doing everything in his power to match your energy and sell this kiss. 

If anything, you’re going to have to be the one to break away once the coast is clear and remind him you’re still technically in the field and that your team is probably wondering where the hell you are right now - and why you stopped responding to your comms. 

“I’m just saying, if we get to do that then we need to be partnered up more often.” 

“Yeah yeah, Morgan. Let’s just hope Penelope didn’t see that else we’ll never be hearing the end of it.” 

Emily Prentiss

She’s been undercover plenty of times in her life and spent a whole chunk of time actually fake-married to Doyle for an op, so she’d be the most comfortable and understanding if you grabbed her for a kiss - especially if you were meant to be a fake couple. 

She’d work it out pretty quickly and would respond in kind, pressing herself against you and running her hands all over you. 

“Quick thinking with the kiss,” she’d whisper as she brushed a kiss against your neck. 

She’d also know exactly where the Unsub is afterwards too, having kept watch in her peripheral vision. 

She wouldn’t even have to break eye contact with you before she informed you, “3 o’clock. He just left out the fire exit.” 

With that, she’d be off. 

She also probably wouldn’t even bring it up again until you’re both back on the jet. Then she’d be smirking at you across the top of her drink and chuckling to herself. 

“Normally I’d insist dinner first but given that we caught that bastard I think we’re even.” 

JJ

JJ knows about going undercover and it takes a lot to rattle her. She would probably go along with the action, even if she’d stay kind of stiff for a good minute or so. 

However, she’s a good agent and knows about maintaining a cover so quickly catches on when you pull her in. 

She’d return the kiss, shooting glances out the corner of her eye when she thinks it might be safe to check on their target. If it doesn’t look like they’re buying it, she’ll turn things up a notch and spin you around so that she could take control. 

“My gun is under my jacket. Reach for it slowly if he comes any closer,” she’d warn, but thankfully you don’t need it. Eventually they leave, distracted by something else, leaving you and JJ to recover.

After catching your breath, you both take off in the direction your target just left in. You can tell JJ is trying not to laugh about what just happened, choosing to make it funny rather than uncomfortable if you weren't together romantically.  

Which means you know she’d enjoy teasing you about it in front of the others, making your cheeks burn as she announces on the jet: “For the record, even though it was a ‘cover kiss’ it was pretty good. Just saying. Maybe you should give Morgan some tips. That way he might get a girl to call him back after a first date.” 

Luke Alvez

It doesn’t matter if he’s ex-army or whatever. Undercover is not really Luke’s thing and even then, he is more used to infiltrating gangs than playing house. 

Basically, he would be surprised by your actions, despite being undercover together. Like, I can see his eyebrows hitting his hairline so fast, bless him. He’d look like a deer in headlights. 

“Woah, sweetheart, slow your roll-“ 

“- Luke. Shut up and kiss me. Now.” 

“I - ok.” 

Just like that, he’d take control, turning and pressing you against the nearest wall in an attempt to shield you from whoever was watching. He’d also be such a gentleman about it if you weren't already together romantically, keeping his hands on your waist and pulling away the minute he’s sure the danger has passed. 

Even then, he’d wait a minute before letting the two of you move from your position, just in case they come back. He’s your partner and he’s returning the favour for you keeping him safe, even if in an unsuspected manner.

“You good?”

“Luke. Shouldn’t I be asking you that? I was the one who planted myself on you.” 

“Potato, po-tah-to. Are they still over there?”

“No. They just left out the back.”

“Then let’s go, partner. Let’s catch this freak.” 

Penelope Garcia 

If Penelope is in the field then you know she is already hella nervous and out of her element. It doesn’t matter if there was a reason she was needed for this particular assignment, she would just take that as added pressure not to let everyone down.

Which is why I’m sure you’d feel worse about planting one on her - even if it does also help distract her from worrying for a minute.  

All I can imagine is her giving her trademark squeal of confusion and surprise, even if you gave her a hasty warning - and apology - about what you were going to do.

She’d be stunned at what was happening and probably takes a minute to realise she should probably try and kiss you back, or at least look less visibly startled about it. 

“I feel I should point out how unfair it is that this is permitted as ‘suitable workplace behaviour’ as we’re undercover, yet my flirtatious texts with Agent Morgan are not? I will be writing a strongly worded email when we get back, telling HR they can go shove their-”

“Pen? Hey, focus here. Unsub still watching us.” 

“Oh, right. Sorry! Ahem… as you were?”  

Also, you know that like a day or so later, once it’s all over, she sends you an email informing you that your new username on the BAU system is now ‘smoochykins’ and she will not change it until it becomes not-funny for her… which will probably be never. After all, Morgan has been ‘Chocolate Thunder’ for the last two years and is still going strong.  

Dr Spencer Reid

Spencer has been undercover before and is usually quite calm about it, even if it is faking a date or maintaining a story. Still, despite having to do your jobs, you’d hate to make him uncomfortable, knowing how he feels about any kind of physical contact - especially if you're not together. 

As he says, with the amount of bacteria shared by shaking hands you’d be safer kissing … guess it was time to take it literally. 

He’d be blushing like a tomato as you grab his jacket lapels and pull him close. And honestly? it’s kind of adorable. As is the way he tries to kiss you back, even if he still takes a minute to remember how to even move his body. 

I’m just picturing the Lila kiss in season one and how he eased into that and how stunned / embarrassed he seemed afterwards. He would pretty much be like that, but with a fake smile on his face as he rambled in your ear. 

“What was that?”

“I was covering our asses. We’re undercover, remember? We’re supposed to be a couple and couples kiss. Also, I’d thought you know, genius, that kissing and displays of public affection make people extremely uncomfortable.”

“No kidding… Morgan can never find out about this.”

“You don’t have to tell me twice. You got a deal, pretty boy. This is between us.” 

Masterlist

[astraystayyh]

seungmin taking off his mask brainrot. allusion to sex but no smut. still mdni.

honestly i struggled with tagging this, because it's not smut but also not fluff either hshshs enemies to fwb??? anyways i hope this reaches its target audience,, enjoy <33 (lowercase intended)

seungmin is an asshole.

you don't like him. he's always around, nagging you, throwing unnecessary comments your way about every little thing you do or say. if it were solely up to you, you wouldn't talk to him ever again. but he's jeongin's best friend, who also happens to be your best friend, so seeing him is inevitable.

he's there sipping on his iced americano, wispy bangs falling in front of his brown eyes, fixated on you. he's there sitting across of you in the campus garden, hitting your leg repeatedly with his foot. he's there at jeongin's dorm, who also happens to be his roommate, strolling around shirtless with no care in the world.

he's infuriating, everything about him makes you mad. from the way he smiles proudly when he sees that he's getting on your nerves, to the way he leans his face onto yours, faking interest in whatever you are saying.

seungmin is an asshole, and to your surprise, he's here to pick you up.

you know it's him, from the red converse he is wearing, and his familiar black leather jacket. you can also tell from the hands gripping the handles of the motorcycle. they aren't clad with rings, so it can't be jeongin. the friend who was actually supposed to pick you up.

you half debate staying home, cursing jeongin in your brain for forcing you to spend more time with seungmin. but you really wanted to go to that party chan is hosting. you needed the free alcohol, badly.

so you huff, as seungmin takes his sweet time parking, mentally preparing to curse him too. but the words die in your throat as soon as he removes his helmet.

he has caramel colored hair now.

he slides off the motorcycle, running an easy hand through his hair. it looks soft, and you wonder what it smells like. citrus, maybe, or pinewood. he then leans onto his engine, smirking at you slightly. you roll your eyes, taking one step forward towards him.

"i think you're obsessed with me."

"yeah? why is that?" he smiles, tilting his head to the side, his arms now crossed in front of his chest.

"you just had to pick me up right. couldn't stand being away from me that badly?"

"correct." he doesn't deny and you huff, grabbing the second helmet and putting it on.

"let's make this as short as possible."

"my pleasure," he bows slightly and you bite your lip, trying to suppress the tiniest smile from coming out. you really liked his hair, it made his honeyed eyes stand out more.

he gets on first, and you follow suit. you were used to riding with jeongin but this is your first time doing it with seungmin. you hesitate for a couple of seconds, before wrapping your arms loosely around his waist.

"hold tight," he tells you, adding a soft "please" after a few silent beats. you oblige, and then he takes off with no further warning.

the drive is short, and you can't seem to focus on anything but the warmth emanating from seungmin's body. you are hyper aware of your thighs pressing against his, and his broad back snug against your chest. it feels intimate, for some odd reason, and you almost close your eyes to fully savor it. almost.

when you arrive, you're quick to hop off, handing your helmet to seungmin. he takes it from you silently, before removing his own too.

strands of his hair stay upwards and you debate internally for a second, before reaching to smooth them down.

you were right, his hair is incredibly soft to the touch.

"you look pretty," he says. and he sounds sincere- different from how he usually speaks to you.

"thank you," you reply quietly, " i like your new hair."

"really? I'm not sure if it suits me," he admits, running a hand through it self-consciously. it felt weird, to see him anything but confident and boastful.

"it does. what shampoo do you use?"

"i don't know. something citrusy, i think."

"figured."

....

your naked chest is pressed to seungmin's, limbs so tangled you can no longer tell where your body ends and his begins.

you didn't exactly plan on ending up here tonight, you weren't even sure how this happened. you just couldn't take your eyes off seungmin's hair, and then his eyes landed on your lips and suddenly he was leading you to the nearest bedroom.

but you don't mind, not when seungmin looks this way. the light is dim and dark shadows reflect on his face. there is a sheen layer of perspiration on his upperbrow, and you imagine you must look the same. sweaty and slightly dazed, a pink hue adorning your cheeks.

seungmin traces your lips with his thumb, going over your cupid bow ever so slowly. it makes shivers run down your spine, and you huddle closer to him. as close as you physically could anyways, since you were practically glued to him.

"had i known this would happen i would've died my hair sooner," he smirks cheekily and that brings you to his hair again. you run your hand through its soft locks gently. a stark contrast to how hard you were tugging them moments ago.

"mm, it's all because of this caramel color," you smile back, its citrusy scent wafting to your nose. "i really like your shampoo."

"are you turned on by scents?" he jokes and you swat his arm, leaning a bit away from him.

"it just smells nice. sue me."

"it's okay, you smell nice too," he chuckles, burying his nose in the crook of your neck. you appreciate it. it makes you feel less weird about how affected you are by him.

"i... i told jeongin that i wanted to pick you up," he mumbles onto your skin and you feel yourself tense slightly. "why?"

"wanted to see you first," he says quietly, pressing a soft kiss to your collarbone. it makes you dizzy. you don't find him infuriating any more.

"let's talk about this later," you finally reply, pulling him away from you.

"mm. what do you want to do now?" he smiles, grazing your naked arm with the back of his hand.

you straddle his lap, swiping his bangs away from his forehead. that damned hair of his.

"you."

[trashywormeateroffics]

the great war (bucky barnes x female reader)

the gif is not mine!

summary: you get jealous and have a fight with bucky. inspired by the great war by taylor swift.

a/n: hey anon!!! sorry it took so long. i have no excuse. anyways, i hope you enjoy this!!! <333 also i am once again asking u to send me requests with marvel characters (natasha/bucky/loki) and taylor swift songs so i can write a one shot about it !!!! bye love u

masterlist

\\\\

you don't know how it all happened. one second, everything was perfect. the next, you were acting like a crazy person and saying horrible and hurtful things. and now you're pretty sure you've officially lost him forever.

\\\\

it all started with her. agent carpenter. pretty, blue eyed blonde, flirty, perfect agent carpenter.

“alright everyone,” tony begins and the people in the meeting fall into silence. “as you all know, a new member is joining us on the avengers initiative.” they all nod, including you. “her name is samara carpenter and she was personally recruited by fury. which means she's very good at what she does.” the billionaire looks at steve and he nods, taking the lead.

“alright, i want you all to be nice and welcoming. especially you buck.” he says, making most of the people there snort. you look at him.

“what did i do now?” bucky asks, incredulous.

“nothing yet, but if you just stare at her and don't greet her like a normal person she'll leave this team as fast as she came.” sam tells him. the grumpy super soldier rolls his eyes.

“whatever, bird-brain.”

steve shakes his head in disapproval of the two bickering idiots but soon enough he's back on track with the presentation.

bucky's rough gaze scans the room until it falls on you. his eyes soften when he sees that you are already looking at him. you give him a soft and playful smile, which he returns.

after the meeting is done and everyone is dismissed, you head to your room.

not five seconds pass until someone knocks on the door. you smile, because you know who it is.

“come in!” you sing-song.

when he enters, you can't help but stare at him. you've been together for a year now but you still couldn't believe that he was yours. he was so beautiful, so funny, so kind, so dumb sometimes, just so… him. you loved him so much. yet you still hadn't said it. you were trying to take things slow, for both of your sakes.

“hey.” you tell him as he closes the door behind him. he has a look on his face which you recognize. something's bothering him.

“c'mere.” you pat the spot next to you on the bed.

he wastes no time in dropping himself unceremoniously on the mattress and letting out a sigh.

you begin to run your hands through his hair.

“d'you think i'm scary?” he asks with a pout adorning his beautiful pink lips. god, you want to kiss him so badly. so that's what you do. you peck his lips and then immediately shake your head with a smile.

“do you think that adorable pout could be scary?” he purses his lips to stop himself from smiling, but still, a small smile plays on his lips.

“y/n, i'm being serious.” he sighs. you do too.

“maybe to some people you could be. not to me though.”

“but when you first met me-”

“i was too busy thinking about how hot you were to worry about you being scary.” he laughs. god, how you love that sound. you would ridicule yourself to hear it. “is this about what steve and sam said?”

he shrugs.

“i just… hate that i'm so socially inadequate.”

you hand in his hair stops. he furrows his brows.

“bucky,” you begin, “we are a bunch of weirdos, all of us. there is not one person on this team who is socially adequate.”

“but at least the others can fake it, you can fake it.”

“you know what my favorite thing about you was when we first started to become friends?” you ask and he shakes his head. “that your face said it all. if you weren't in the mood for something, i could tell from a mile away, and in return, if something excited you, it would be contagious.” you caress his cheek and he leans into your touch. “and when i couldn't pretend, i always knew you were there to just sit in silence with me. no expectations to be socially acceptable.”

“i don't know how you do it.” he sighs. you frown.

“do what?”

“make every bad thing about me sound so… good.”

your frown deepens.

“hey.” you straddle him and grab his face in between both your hands. “you are perfect. just like you are. don't you dare change yourself.” you tell him firmly. then you purse your lips. “unless you totally want to for whatever reason and i would totally support you because-” you suddenly fall silent. he looks at you, expectant for you to finish your sentence. “because you know i'm here for you, no matter what.”

he smiles softly.

“i know, doll. me too, i'm always here for you no matter what.” you purse your lips to stop yourself from spilling your heart out of your mouth as you caress his cheekbone with your thumb.

“how about we watch a movie? you can pick.”

he pecks your lips and nods.

you spend what is left of the day watching movies and cuddling.

\\\\

two days after that meeting, she arrives. you're all hanging around the common kitchen when steve appears with someone trailing behind him.

“everyone, this is agent carpenter.”

“please, call me samara. or sammie even.”

“sammie, nice to meet you.” sam is the first one to greet her. “i'm sam wilson, but the coolest avenger is fine too.”

you shake your head and roll your eyes. then, you take a step forward, but before you can introduce yourself and welcome her to the team, you see her eyes flicking over to something right next to you. or someone. her eyes shine with curiosity and attraction.

“hi, nice to meet you.” she smirks. you swallow slowly.

bucky gives her a nod, but then he seems to remember what steve and sam told him and attempts to give her a smile.

“hi, i'm bucky.”

“bucky,” she repeats slowly, almost tasting the name in her mouth. she's about to say something else but before she can, you speak up.

“i'm y/n. welcome to the team.” you smile as honestly as you possibly can, but dread fills your stomach.

“hi!” she smiles at you. “you're so pretty, oh my god!”

you give her a tight smile.

“thank you.”

“of course!”

the rest of the team introduces themselves, even though she insists she already knows almost all of them and then you all go about your day.

\\\\

it had been a month since she arrived at the compound. you had seen her a few times, mostly during training. but you didn’t particularly go out of your way to talk to her. there was something you didn’t like. maybe it was your intuition, or maybe it was the fact that she did seem to go out of her way to talk to your boyfriend. and he did not seem upset by that, the opposite actually. he seemed to enjoy it.

you were not a jealous person, least of all with bucky. but something about her irked you. something about her made you doubt yourself and everything you believed in.

“i like her,” natasha says while she paints her nails, laying on her stomach on your bed.

wanda hums in agreement while she flips through the pages of a beauty magazine. you don’t say anything.

“what about you, y/n?”

“um, yeah.” you try to give them a convincing smile but based on the looks they give you, you do not succeed.

“okay, spill the tea.” wanda tells you. had she been learning internet lingo?

you sigh.

“i just- i don’t know.” you shake your head. “doesn’t something feel off to you?”

“not really.” wanda says as natasha narrows her eyes.

“you’re jealous.” she finally decrees.

“i’m not.” you respond defensively.

“you’re jealous that she seems to be getting along with barnes.”

“i-“ you begin your sentence with the intention of uttering a lie, but it dies right on your tongue. “i am. but i don’t want to be.” you confess.

“explain yourself.” she tells you in a tone that could sound commanding and harsh to someone else, but you know it’s filled with care. she’s your best friend, she would never hurt you on purpose. so is wanda, who looks at you with a knowing look you can’t seem to pinpoint the reason for.

“i just- i don’t know. he’s never like that with anyone. since when is he the type to joke around with someone?” you shake your head. “i’m an asshole, cause i should be happy for him. he’s putting himself out there. but i can’t. i’m jealous. so cliche.” you huff.

“you’re not an asshole. an asshole would make a whole scene, give him an ultimatum or something like that. you’re just expressing your feelings to your friends.”

“and, y/n, we all have those ugly feelings. they are human.” wanda tells you, softly. “you should talk to him about it.”

“what if he gets mad?”

“y/n, please. that man adores you, he could never get mad at you. least of all for this.”

maybe they’re right. maybe that’s the healthiest thing to do. and even as you agree with them, you know you will not talk to him about this. because he will realize that you’re right, and that there is so much more to the world than just… you.

\\\\

“come on! you just have to put it in the oven!”

you hear her before you see her. you weren’t expecting to see him though.

right there, almost as if mocking you, they stand. cooking together. he looks so comfortable around her.

they seem to be wrapped up in their own little bubble, so you clear your throat. immediately, they turn to look at you. he widens his eyes, almost looking guilty.

“james found me and i asked him to join me.” she explains, but you stop paying attention the moment she says his name. she called him james.

“james?” you narrow your eyes in question.

he seems to want to say something because he opens his mouth like a fish out of water but you leave mumbling an excuse about training with nat before he can utter a word.

back in your room, you fall to the floor and break down. you knew she was trouble the moment she walked in, but you weren’t expecting this to happen so soon.

heartbroken, you get up from where you’re sitting and head to your bathroom.

the girl in the mirror looks defeated, but you feel angry. if he didn't need you anymore, then you didn’t need him either.

\\\\

the days after that, you ignore him, always having an excuse at the tip of your tongue to not hang out with him. he doesn’t seem to care that much. until, you suppose, after three days, he begins caring.

“doll, can we talk?”

“hm?” you play dumb. you encountered each other in the common kitchen. that damned place, you hated it now, but you were hungry.

“i asked you if we can talk. you seem… distant.” his brows are furrowed. you only know that because you turned to look at him only for a second. other than that, your gaze doesn’t meet his. “come on, y/n, i know something’s wrong.”

you look at him and smile sarcastically.

“you do?”

“yes. please, let’s ta-“

“hey guys!” you roll your eyes at her voice.

“have fun you two!” you tell them, smiling venomously, only looking at him before you leave.

“is everything okay?” she asks.

“i’m sorry samara, i can’t talk right now.” you hear him say before you hear his footsteps getting closer to you in the hallway.

“y/n!” he calls out to you when you get into the elevator without looking behind you. before the doors can close, you see his metal arm get in between them. he gets in and they close. once they do, he hits the stop button. then, he turns to you. he frows when he sees the hate in your eyes. “y/n, what is going on?”

you scoff.

“fuck off, james.” you tell him, your voice full of venom. he widens his eyes in surprise before narrowing them.

“oh, so that’s it? you’re jealous and that’s why you’re avoiding me and acting crazy now?”

“i’m not jealous, but i’m not blind either.” you clench your jaw. “and don’t call me crazy.”

“you are blind if you think something’s going on with her.” he tells you. you roll your eyes and then tilt your head.

“when was the last time you let someone call you james? when was the last time you cooked with someone who was not steve?” he begins breathing heavily. you laugh and bite your lip incredulously. “i think you took the whole being friendly thing too serious.”

“i can't believe you right now.” he shakes his head. “you're angry because i'm not being an asshole to her?”

you scoff.

“oh, please, james.” he clenches his jaw.

“stop calling me that.”

“oh, so i can't call you that but she can?”

“you know that's not-”

“you know what? go ahead. let her call you james. fuck her in the middle of the common room for all i care. lets see how long she puts up with you.” you regret the words as soon as they leave your mouth but its too late, a deep hurt covers his face. still, you can't stop. you're too hurt, too scared. too goddamn stupid. “you think she's going to console you while you have your nightmares?” you laugh venomously. “you think she's going to accept you, all of you?” as you keep talking, his expression turns from pained to angry. resentful even.

he turns to the panel control of the elevator and pushes the stop button so the elevator will move again.

“you know what?” he glances at you and you're almost taken aback by the distant look in his eyes. “maybe i'll fuck her. maybe i'll even date her too. she's probably not as desperate and clingy as you.”

“fuck you.” you spit out.

the doors open, he steps outside. before he leaves, he turns to look at you.

“yeah, you too.”

after the doors close again, you fall to the floor and let out a heart-wrenching sob. you never thought it would end like this.

\\\\

four days. four fucking, horrible, long days bucky has been gone from the compound. you try to ask steve about it, because you know he knows where he is, but he won't tell you. even though you two are close friends and he never got in the middle of a fight between you two– even though you two never fought– he seemed angry. at you. you didn't know if he knew the reason for the fight, but he knew you were in the wrong, that much you knew.

these days all you do is cry, sleep, eat and repeat. you're way past heartbroken, you're miserable, inconsolable. it's all your fault. this prison of sadness was your own making.

you miss him. god, you miss him. you wonder how he is. did he already fuck someone else? did he regret ever being with you?

you don't dare text or call him. you're too embarrassed. you acted like a crazy person, and said awful, horrific things. and you're pretty sure he'll never forgive you. but what will you do then? how will you build a life without him? oh god, you're crying again. great, just great, you think as you turn around in your bed. who were you without him?

\\\\

its the sixth day of his absence when you go talk to steve. you drag yourself from your bed, with your swollen and red rimmed eyes and knock on his door.

“y/n…” he tells you, pity dripping from his tone.

“hey…” you try to give him a fake smile, but as soon as the corners of your mouth move, they turn downwards into a frown, and you start crying. sobbing really. inconsolable sobs leave you as steve wraps you up in his arms.

“hey, hey, it's okay.”

“no, it's not! i hurt him! i don't know why i did it, but i did!” you sob.

“hey,” he pulls away from you a bit to look you in the eyes, “come in. come on, come on.” he tells you as you slowly make your way inside.

you sit down on the edge of his bed and he sits down next to you.

“steve, is he- is he okay?”

he looks at you. you know him, so you know that that look means he isn't.

“he's safe though.”

“i really messed up.”

“i know.”

“he told you?”

“he didn't need to. i saw it on camera. wanted to know why the elevator stopped working for a while.”

you put your head in your hands and begin sobbing again.

“oh my god.” you sob. “i-i'm so sorry you had to see that. i dont… i dont know what-” a hiccup escapes you. “i can't-” another hiccup. “oh god…” your shoulders shake as you sob into your hands.

“hey…” he draws comforting circles on your back, but nothing can comfort you. not when he's hurt and hates you and it's all your fault. “hey.”

“steve, how can i fix it? can i even-” hiccup, “can i even fix it?”

he looks at you with pity.

“i don't know, y/n. i think he's gonna need some time.”

“oh my god.” you say. steve had always rooted for you two, so if he's saying it can't be fixed it really means it can't. “i'm going to die.”

“you're not going to die.”

“i can't live without him. i can't.” you shake your head frantically. “please, just tell me where he is. i need to-”

“i dont think it's a good idea.” he tells you sympathetically.

“please,” you beg him, “please, i need to- if it ends…” more tears fall from your eyes. “it can't end like that. please. he deserves more than that.”

he looks at you, seemingly pondering what you're saying. you look at him the whole time, pleading. he sighs. he's going to tell you.

\\\\

you look at the old building that seems to be deteriorating with each passing second. you straighten down your clothes (steve insisted you get properly showered and dressed) and take a deep breath. he's staying at a safe house in brooklyn. of course. it was so predictable and so him, you almost decided to leave. maybe you should let it end how it ended. what if this time it was worse? but you didn't have the luxury to think like that. it was over, but you needed him to remember you as the good times you shared, not that damned last time.

you enter the building and go up the stairs to the seventh floor, since there is no elevator.

when you reach his door, a green one who looked like if you blew on it it would fall down, you freeze. what are you even supposed to say to him? hi, bucky, sorry i told you she wouldn't be able to put up with you, insinuating that you are hard to love, hope everythings okay between us! ugh, you wanted the earth to swallow you whole.

you take another deep, slow breath, because you know otherwise he'll be able to hear you. then, you knock two times.

when the door opens he takes your breath away. this time not because he's gorgeous but because you're so scared that you fear you're going to pass out.

“what do you want?” he asks harshly. you feel tears prick your eyes but you blink them away.

“hear me out, please.”

“no, thank you.” he goes to close the door, but you swiftly get inside before he does. he slams the door behind him when he turns around to look at you, now inside the apartment, looking uncomfortable and out of place. “i told you i didn't want to hear you out.”

“just-”

“leave.”

“one second-”

“leave, y/n.”

“bucky-”

“oh, so now i'm bucky?” your lip wobbles.

“you're always bucky.”

“not last time we talked.”

“that's why i'm here.” he lifts his chin, looking at you with so much indifference you wonder if he ever looked at you with love in his eyes.

“i don't care to hear you explain yourself.” a tear escapes your eye. you dry it with your sleeve harshly. his face seems to soften for a second but then it goes back to its harshness.

“i'm not here- i'm not here to explain myself.” he looks at you.

“why are you here then?” you sigh.

“remember that time you took me to feed the ducks on that park?”

“yes. so?”

you smile softly as tears fall down your face.

“that was the time i told you i wanted to be your girlfriend. no one ever took me to such a silly date.” you chuckle softly. then you frown in pain looking at the floor now. he shifts his weight from one feet to the other, impatient.

“what's your point?”

“that's how i'd like you to remember me.”

“what?” you look at him. he's frowning.

“i know that the last time we talked i was… crazy. i just- i know theres no going back, but id like, for the sake of what we had, for you to not remember me like that.” you tell him. “because we were more than that.” the last word comes out broken to give way to a silent sob. you try to compose yourself. “I'm sorry. don't pay attention to that.” you give him a fake smile, which you know he can see right through.

“y/n-”

“okay, i'll leave. but… come back to the compound. i'll move out if you want me to, just, don't stay away from your friends just because of me.” you go to leave, walking past him, when he grabs your arm. when you turn around there are unshed tears in his eyes.

“i don't care about the compound. or about remembering you.” oh. you widen your eyes and heavy tears leave them.

“okay, i'm- i'm sorry for suggesting-”

“no.” you nod, understanding. “no, no.” he repeats. he grabs you by the shoulders and he crouches so he's eye level with you. “i don't want to have to remember you.”

you frown.

“but, bucky-”

“but i probably should.” he cuts you off.

“yeah,” you laugh humorlessly as you cry. “you should. i'm sorry. i never should've come here. i'm sorry.”

“stop saying sorry and explain to me what the hell happened.” you tilt your head.

“i… i got jealous.”

“that's it? that's why you hurt me?” he asks. you look down. this was it. he was giving you a chance. explain yourself like you never have before, you think to yourself.

“i never got why you were with me-”

“stop saying were. this could end today, but as of now, were still together.” you purse your lips. “hey, hey, its okay.” he says softly as he puts his hands on your cheeks and wipes the tears that begin falling again with his thumbs.

“im sorry-” he looks at you pointedly. you nod. “i just… i don't understand why you're with me. im not- im nothing like you.” you begin. he frowns. “you are kind and thoughtful and amazing and im- im not good like you.”

“what? y/n, you're the best person i know.”

“you can't still think that.” he looks at you honestly. he does? “see? you're so- and i'm so…”

“lets sit down.” he tells you and you both do, on the old couch thats near the window. he gestures for you to continue.

“i just- you'll never get it. and thank god you won't. but im not- im not a natural, you know? not like you, not like her.” you fidget with your hands. “you guys, the team, you like me because i'm fake. you wouldn't if you knew the real me. but i showed it to you pretty easily, i guess.” you laugh without a trace of humor. he frowns. then, he grabs your hand and caresses your knuckles. bucky takes a deep breath before speaking.

“y/n, i like- no, scratch that. i love you because i know you.” your face contorts in pain. you start crying heavily again. “hey, hey, come on baby, talk to me.”

“i just… she's so… perfect. for everyone, for you.”

“i don't want her, i want you.”

“you cant want me after what i said to you. i hurt you and i'll never forgive myself for that.”

“yes, you hurt me. but you were hurt too, i just didn't see it.”

“im so scared you'll wake up one day and realize there is so much more to the world than… me.” you sob and cover your face with your hands.

bucky pulls your hands away from you face and pulls you into his lap.

“listen to me.” he tells you firmly. “there is nothing more to the world than you. you are it for me, y/n. i love you.”

“bucky-” you hiccup. “i'm so sorry i said that about you. i promise you i just said it to you because i- i was lashing out. anyone would accept and love you, you are literally the most amazing-” hiccup, “person-” hiccup, “in the universe.”

he smiles softly at you and the unshed tears come back, but this time, he lets them fall.

“baby, listen to me. i love you. i'm not going anywhere.” you open your mouth to speak but he beats you to it. “and i forgive you. i promise you i don't resent you. i know what it's like to lash out when you're hurt.”

“bucky-” you sob against his chest.

“shh, baby, its okay.” he soothes you, rubbing comforting circles on your back. “it's okay, i got you.”

you take a shuddering breath and lift your head from his chest to look at him. you grab his face with both your hands.

“i promise you i'll never lash out again. im so sorry. i-” he gives you a pointed look. “i know. im not saying sorry anymore. sor-” you purse you lips and he lets out a laugh. then, he shakes his head incredulous and looks at you with so much adoration in his eyes you feel like you're going to pass out from all the love you feel for this man. “can i kiss you?” you ask him shyly.

“please.”

and so you do. the kiss is soft, vulnerable, you're telling him how sorry you are, how much you love him, and thats when you remember you didn't say it.

he whines when you pull away, something that makes you smile.

“bucky,”

“yeah, baby?”

“i love you. so much i feel like i'm going to throw up.” he lets out a loud laugh.

“i love you more, doll.”

you spend the rest of the day cuddled up on that couch in that old apartment, not ready to go to the compound yet. but you do send a text to steve before turning off your phone to spend time with the love of your life. you almost lost him, but you didn't, and as you lay in that old mattress on the floor, while he makes love to you and whispers of words of adoration and devotion fill your ears, you vow to him one thing. you'll always be his.

[hyunsvngs]

kinktober !

kink: small penis humiliation

pairing: han jisung x fem!reader

wc: 1.7k

"Do you… Do you have any weird kinks? That you haven't told me about?"

Han Jisung. What a way to pique my interest, you thought. You put your book down on the bed beside you, looking over at him with intrigue. He was avoiding your gaze, hands fidgeting. Oh, he had something to confess.

"I'm not sure, Sungie. Nothing major, nothing that you don't already know about, at least." You were very open with him about your desires, and he knew this.

"Oh," he murmured, with a nod. "Okay."

So, he would take a bit more prompting. "Why do you ask? Do you have anything?" You waited for a moment, but he remained silent. You prodded him in the side, urging him to answer. "Is it something embarrassing?"

"No!" he blurted. "Well, kinda."

You shifted closer to him, leaning into his side. "You know I'm not gonna judge you. C'mon, tell me."

He sighed, covering his face with his hands. "Have you ever heard of, like… small dick humiliation?"

Now this was an interesting development.

Obviously, Jisung's dick was far from small. It was always enough to satisfy you, and he had plenty of enthusiasm with how he used it too. But you were more than willing to pretend, for his gratification.

"You're into that?" you asked, brain whirring as you thought of all the possibilities. "You want me to berate you for having a small dick?"

Jisung peered up at you, nodding slowly. He looked so vulnerable, after sharing this with you. He was putting all of his trust in you, to hold this information and degrade him while still respecting him.

You let out a sigh, relaxing your shoulders. "I'm so glad you told me about that, Sungie, that's actually such a relief. This whole time I've been pretending that your little dick actually gets me off, and now I don't have to pretend any more."

Jisung stared at you, eyes wide, mouth open in surprise. His eyes scoured your expression, trying to figure out how genuine this was. "Are you just saying this to get me off? Or are you being for real?"

You frowned at him. "Take a look in your pants, babe. Does that look big enough to satisfy anyone?"

He lifted his waistband, looking down. "I d-don't know," he stammered.

"Do you want to find out?" You patted his cheek gently. "Fuck me, and I won't fake it this time."

Already, he was hanging on your every word. His eyes had gotten that sparkly, glossed-over look that you loved so much, the one that made him look so fucked-out before you'd even touched him.

"I'll fuck you - I-I can fuck you, I'll do a good job, I'll show you-" He was pulling off his clothes as he spoke, tearing off his shirt before tugging down his trousers.

You fought hard not to smile when you saw his dick - it was your honest reaction, every time. You loved your man, and you loved his dick. Long, thick, veiny, hairy, everything you'd want in a cock. His dick was what you dreamed about at night, it was your medicine at the end of a long day. This was really going to test your acting abilities.

You kneeled on the floor before him, in between his legs. "Is it even hard?" you asked, raising an eyebrow as you looked down at his dick, twitching and hardening more by the second. "I can't really tell, it's still so small."

"No, it's not hard all the way yet! It can get bigger, I swear!" he insisted, stroking his shaft with fervour, as though desperately trying to get it harder. He didn't have to try very hard, of course; just a tiny sprinkling of humiliation was enough to make him rock hard within seconds.

"That's it?" you asked, putting on a disgusted expression. "It's hard now?"

Jisung nodded silently, cheeks bright red.

You tutted. "I bet Minho's dick is bigger than this. I look at the bulge in his trousers sometimes, just to imagine what it's like to be fucked by a real man."

"I'm a real man!" Jisung yelled out immediately, spurred on by the comparison to one of his best friends. "I can fuck you like a man, p-promise I can!"

You climbed onto the bed, laying back and stripping your shorts from your body. "C'mon then, let's get this over with. Just fuck me, I don't need any prep. Not for that tiny thing."

Not that you were going to tell him, but the reason you needed no prep was because the startled, submissive look on his face was more than enough to make you wet.

He positioned himself between your legs. You grimaced as you stared at his cock, the tip bumping against your pussy. You scoffed."It's barely a clitoris! I bet I could fuck you with my clit and it'd feel better than this."

It was comical, really - his dick was so clearly massive, and it was so obviously going to stretch your hole like crazy. Yet when you looked into his eyes and insulted his size, he looked back at you completely overwhelmed with arousal.

Jisung whined, rubbing the head of his cock against your hole. "Please, please, I know I'm pathetic, but please can I fuck you?"

You rolled your eyes at him. "Go ahead, I don't care - I'm not gonna feel anything anyways."

He let out a groan, sliding his cock into you right away, babbling, "Thank you, thank you, thank you!"

His eyes slipped shut, and it was a good job, as he would've witnessed the expression of pure bliss on your face as he filled you up.

Jisung never took it slow, and tonight was no exception. He buried his head in the crook of your neck, leaving hot, open-mouthed kisses against your skin as he fucked you, hard and fast. You had to bite down on your lip to stop yourself from squealing; with every harsh thrust, he was sending shocks throughout your system, making butterflies erupt in the pit of your abdomen, making you want to cry out in ecstasy.

He was whimpering against your skin. "I'm sorry… 'm sorry I've got such a useless little dick."

"Aww, Sungie," you cooed. "It's not your fault you're so pa- pathetic-"

Your voice was broken, hoarse. Jisung was thankfully too horny to notice any cracks appearing in your facade.

"Are you enjoying this, Jisung?" you asked him.

"Yeah, yes, fuck! So much!" he cried out.

"I'm glad someone is. I can barely feel anything."

He moaned at your words, and the noise was like music to your ears. He sounded so worked up, so desperate.

"Let me see your face, baby," you urged him. "Wanna see how needy you are."

He lifted his head from your neck bravely, propping himself up on his arms while he fucked you. His eyes were wet with tears, a tiny bit of spit dribbling from the corner of his mouth.

"Oh, hon, this is pitiful," you said, your tone condescending.

You reached your hands between your bodies, fingers locating his nipples. You squeezed them, not very gently, and he yelped, his reaction a mixture of pleasure and pain. They grew harder beneath your touch as you played with them.

"Look, even your nipples are bigger than this thing you call a dick. How sad is that?"

"So sad," he whined, nodding along with your words. "I'm gonna cum - I'm gonna cum, baby, I can't hold back!"

You laughed at him. "It's barely been five minutes, Jisung! Are you serious?"

He nodded, letting out a strangled groan. "Can I?"

"Sure, cum inside me. We don't need to worry about you getting me pregnant anyways, not with a dick like that-"

"Fuck, fuck, fuck," Jisung moaned in time with his thrusts, before burying his dick deep inside you and collapsing against you, panting heavily. "Baby!"

You stroked his hair gently. "And I'm nowhere near finishing. See, I told you you can't get me off with that shrimp." This was a blatant lie - with just a few more minutes, and maybe some stimulation of your clit, you would've come for sure.

Jisung lifted his head quickly. "I can get you off - I can, I can!" He leapt up, throwing himself down the bed and landing between your legs. He lowered his face into your pussy, and licked a very gentle, tentative line from your hole up to your clit. He was looking up at you with wide eyes, as if waiting for approval.

You nodded at him. "It's a good job you're good at oral, baby. Otherwise I'd have no reason to keep you around, would I?"

In true Jisung fashion, he went from 0 to 100 within an instant, wrapping his lips around your clit and sucking hard. He swirled his tongue across it, back and forth, back and forth. There was no way you could hold back your moans, not when he was overstimulating you like this.

"That's good, baby," you praised him, before demeaning him a little more. "Feels way better than your dick did."

He hummed, sending vibrations through your core. He didn't hesitate even for a second, proving his abilities to you with all his might.

He inserted two fingers deep inside you, curling them upwards to meet your g-spot, just the way you'd taught him.

"Oh, baby, those fingers are so much bigger than your dick, that's so nice."

Jisung began to whimper, whining as he licked and sucked everywhere. The desperate noises were your undoing; you felt your climax burst outwards from your core, your legs shaking as they wrapped around Jisung's frame. You could barely see, could barely hear, couldn't feel anything apart from your orgasm.

"Fuck," you hissed. "That was good."

He collapsed against your chest, nuzzling into you. "Was I good?"

"So good, baby," you confirmed, catching your breath. You kissed the top of his head, and he gave a contended hum. The two of you lay together quietly, recovering.

Jisung spoke up again after a few moments, his voice quiet. "My… my dick… it's okay, right?"

"Of course, Sungie, it's more than okay! I love your dick just as much as I love you. It's perfect."

He giggled. "Okay, good. Just wanted to check."

"It gives me everything I need, baby, don't worry about that."

Jisung beamed up at you. "Thank you for doing this for me."

"You're welcome, baby," you smiled back. "I love you."

Jisung picked himself up, nuzzling his nose against yours. "I love you too."

[lovelytsunoda]

the day you kissed a writer in the dark // han lue (tokyo drift)

summary: she's stood by his side for years. his loyal mechanic, the brains behind his brawn. but she'd be lying if she said that it didn't hurt to watch him flirt with those other women in his club, when he came home to her every night in secret.

bet you rue the day you kissed a writer in the dark, now she's gonna play and sing and lock you in her heart. i am my mother's child, i'll love you 'till my breathing stops.

pairing: han lue x mechanic! reader

warnings: smut, inappropriate use of a drifting car, insecurity and self-doubt, secret relationships, unplanned pregnancy.

author's note: here's something a little different today, lovelies! it's a departure from the usual realm of f1 content i usually bless you all with, but i felt like i needed to do something different to avoid burning myself out, and rewatching tokyo drift gave me the inspiration that i needed :)

she hated the club.

in the back end of her mind, she always resented the mere existence of that secret room leading to han's garage. the fact that he chose to surround himself with women in tight dresses with long legs and perky boobs like he was some kind of yakuza punk.

well, this wasn't crows fucking zero. this was real life.

she couldn't help but draw comparisons between these beautiful girls and herself. as she curled in on herself to duck through the crowd, she frowned at her reflection in the window: her torn up jeans, the grease stain on the cuff of her army-green sweater, the zip barely done up enough to cover up her double-d's, a small nut from her very first car hanging limply from a chain around her neck.

some days, she wondered why han had chosen her of all people.

"sean?" she asked quietly, poking the young american boy in the arm, practically shouting to be heard. "have you seen han?"

sean shook his head. "no, sorry. have you checked the garage?"

"i'm heading back there now. thanks, sean." she sighed, backing out the way that she came, trying not to think about all of the places that her boyfriend could be right now.

the anxiety ate away at her. was he with one of the other girls? one of the prettier, taller, thinner ones? was that why he wanted to keep the relationship under wraps?

was han ashamed of her?

she hurried down the rickety metal staircase, dropping her purse on the workbench as she went, subconsciously placing a hand over her stomach as she thought about the white plastic stick inside the fake leather bag.

they'd been sneaking around for a year, but they'd known each other far longer. she had come to tokyo when she was twenty-one, with a pocketful of cash and a monkey wrench. she had a high school diploma, but that didn't mean much to the rally teams she had applied to work on the pit crews for.

and that's when han swooped her up. when she became the bonnie to his clyde, the mechanic for his little street racing gambit.

that was three years ago. now she was almost twenty-five, he was twenty-seven, and he was in far too deep for them to keep going like this.

she knew why he had to keep it a secret. telling the world that she was his lover would put a target on her back. because that's what happens when you get in deep with someone like dk.

she pulled her hair back with the green rubber band on her wrist, pushing up her sleeves as she reached for a ratchet and approached han's car, the hood already open and ready for her.

working on the cars had always been her safe haven. her distraction from the outside world. fixing something that was broken gave her a satisfaction like no other.

"babe?" han's voice echoed through the garage, and she hated herself for the way that she froze up, fingers tightening around the ratchet. "sean said you were asking around for me? is everything okay?"

she withdrew from the car, slamming the hood down. "you're pushing the car too far. the engine is wearing down, you have to get something stronger. the serpentine belt is at it's brink."

"and that's why you're the brains of this operation and i'm just the pretty boy who drifts." han said playfully, wrapping his arms around her midsection as resting his chin on her shoulder.

"be more careful out there, seoul-oh." she said softly, placing a cold hand on top of his warm one before turning her head and kissing him softly. "i don't know what i'd do if anything ever happened to you."

han spun her body around gently, his hands on her waist as she jumped to perch her body on the edge of the hood, her fingers tangling in his dark, silky hair.

"you don't need to worry about me, sweetheart. i'm going to be okay."

she sighed, lacing her fingers together behind his neck. "where were you, han? wandering around your club with a girl on each arm? a girl that's three times prettier than i am, maybe one who's clothes are a little more revealing-"

"y/n, stop." han said firmly. "baby, you're the only one. my only one." he kissed her on the forehead softly. "i love you. i love you so much that it hurts. i wish i could shout it from the rooftops, but i can't put you in danger like that. i don't want dk to know, because that's a target on your back that i don't want there."

he pulled her as close as he could, arms wrapped securely around her as he leaned down and brushed his lips against hers. "i couldn't live with myself if anything ever happened to you."

the sincerity in the older man's voice was reassuring. but some days, it wasn't enough. she loved him more than words could say, but she was getting tired of being his little secret.

but at the end of the day, it was her bed that he always came home to. his arms she woke up in. his terrible singing in the kitchen while he made coffee with breakfast.

han lue was hers.

she kissed him again, still sitting on the edge of the toyota's hood. this kiss was stronger, harder. with more feeling as she bunched han's sweater up in her fingers, trying to wrestle it off his broad shoulders, his hands gripping her thighs tight enough to make her moan against his lips.

"seoul-oh." she mumbled as han broke away from her, pulling his sweater off the rest of the way before tugging his everlast t-shirt over his head.

they fit together like well-worn puzzle pieces, his lips finding that place on her neck that made her crumble, turned her legs to jelly as he slipped a hand up the front of her sweater, thumb tracing comforting shapes against her stomach as he nipped at her neck, biting down gently. there would be a hickey there in a mere matter of hours.

trailing kisses back up her neck, he gently bit her earlobe before placing one hand on the side of her face to guide her lips back to his, the other hand braced against the hood of the car to hold himself up. she bit down on his bottom lip, wrenching a growl from the back of han's throat.

he pulled away, dropping to his knees in front of the car as his large hands dipped under the waistband of her jeans. after reaching down to untie and kick off her beat up vans, she reached above her to grab the exposed beam in the garage ceiling, pulling her body up and allowing han to pull her jeans and panties down her legs in one fell swoop.

"oh, not on the car, baby. you'll stain the bodywork."

"don't care." han hummed, kissing the soft skin of her thigh. "i can't think of anything prettier than you. on the hood of my car, legs spread wide for me." he mumbled in between kisses, inching ever closer to where y/n needed him most, her arousal dripping onto the cool metal hood of the drift car.

and when his lips touched her throbbing clit, she could have sworn she turned electric, using one hand to brace herself against the car and burying the other in han's hair as she threw her head back in a throaty moan.

"han." she panted, grinding against his face as his tongue licked and sucked at her core. "oh, baby, yes."

han smiled to himself, kissing her clit gently as he held her thighs open with his hands. "still think that i don't find you attractive any more?"

"shut up, please. i need you so bad." she'd barely finished speaking when another low, seductive moan left her mouth. the arm that was holding her body up threatened to buckle underneath her as she tugged on han's hair, urging him to keep going.

han chuckled, the vibrations sending shockwaves through her body as her arm buckled, and she found herself lying against the hood, her head on the windscreen as she bucked her hips, searching for more as her lover tongue-fucked her, her legs thrown over his shoulders with reckless abandon.

"seoul-oh." she whined, clenching her thighs around han's head

"i know, baby." he mumbled softly, kissing her thigh. "you're doing so well darling. come for me."

and that's exactly what she did. with a moan so loud that she was shocked that the patrons of the club couldn't hear it echoing through the garage, she let go, her juices coating the lower half of han's face as he licked her clean before wiping off the bottom half of his face with the back of his hand.

"fuck." he mumbled, standing between her legs and leaning over the car to kiss her. "i can't get enough of you, baby. i think i'm gonna need more."

"oh yeah?" she smiled sitting up slightly, resting her weight on her elbows and raising an eyebrow when she saw the obvious hard-on struggling to break free from the confines of han lue's jeans. "and what do you think we should do about it?"

"back. room. now." he said, softly but firmly, kissing her in between each word as she wrapped her bare legs around his body, allowing han to pick her up and carry her over to the back room, where a double bed was piled high with blankets for the nights where they worked late, or drift races lasted until the mere hours of the morning.

or, nights where neither of them wanted to go home. han was sure that they had fucked on almost every available surface of the garage.

she undid her sweater slowly, revealing the lacy white bra underneath, the makeshift pendant on her necklace hanging delicately just above the hollow of her breasts as she cast the fabric aside, reaching up to snap the elastic band in her hair, letting it cascade in waves down her shoulders.

"you're beautiful, you know that?" he said softly, kneeling on the mattress as he rested one hand gently against her cheek.

she leaned into his touch, reaching up to wrap her slender fingers around his wrist, pressing a soft kiss to the heel of his hand.

she knew she should tell him. han needed to know.

but now was definitely not the time.

not that she could find the words while he kissed her neck, her chest, her stomach, his fingers dancing across her back as he fumbled with the clasp of her bra, erection straining against his jeans.

"han, babe." she mumbled, reaching behind her. "it's been a year now, you should know how to undo a bra, mr. womanizer." she joked, pushing his hands away as she pulled the bra off by herself.

"why would i need to know how to do it when you just take it off by yourself most of the time?" he grinned, standing up to unbuckle his belt.

he started to undo his jeans, pausing halfway as if he had forgotten something before he darted over to the rolling toolbox in the back of the room, pulling a small foil packet out of the top drawer.

fat lot of good a condom would do them now.

not when she was already carrying his baby inside of her.

her body trembled with anticipation as she watched han rid himself of his jeans, the echo of his belt buckle hitting the floor echoing around the room before he rolled the latex sheath onto his thick, hard cock.

god, she was a fool in love. han seoul-oh made her feel every range of emotions all at once.

"seoul-oh." she mumbled, lips against his as he clambered onto the bed, covering her body with his broad one.

"hm?" han mumbled, pressing kisses all over her face.

"i love you, han lue." she said firmly, gently pushing his face away so she could look him in the eyes. "i mean it, babe. you've ruined me for anybody else. you're it for me."

"good, because i don't think i could love anybody else if i tried." han breathed out, kissing her again, the tip of his cock teasing her entrance.

she squirmed under him, a small gasp escaping her lips before she bit down on her bottom lip.

she wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of hearing her beg. that wasn't what tonight was for.

han knew this as well, gently pushing himself inside her. tonight was about more than just chasing a high. for both of them. it was about love, and reassurance, and intimacy.

she threaded her fingers through his hair, whining as han moved ever so slightly, the sensations they both felt sending shockwaves through their bodies.

"seoul-oh." she moaned softly. "please. god, you feel incredible."

"yeah?" han crooned, thrusting softly and barely holding back a moan of his own. "you look so pretty with my cock inside you, my sweet sweet girl."

"just like that." she whined as he thrusted again, bucking her hips into him, trying to take his length deeper. "keep doing that, fuck."

when han's nimble fingers came up grip and massage her right breast, she knew she was a goner, arching her back to drive her body into him with a moan as he kissed her chest.

"you like that, baby? yeah, you love having my hands all over you. and i love touching your beautiful body." han murmured, sucking a hickey onto her collarbone. he could feel himself unravelling, knew that the end was nigh as he moaned against her skin, blindly reaching for her hand.

there were no more slow thrusts as the driver began to pick up the pace, his lover's legs wrapped tightly around him as she moaned his name.

"oh god, han, baby. fuck, keep going." she panted, one hand trailing down her body to play with her clit. anything to get her closer to that release she craved as she whined and squirmed under han's touch.

she'd seen this film before, and she already knew the ending. and the start if the sequel.

"come for me, baby. i know you can take it, just give me one more, okay?"

"han, han, holy shit." she moaned, feeling the coil in her stomach finally snap, her high crashing over her like a wave.

her lover groaned above her, a guttural sound ripped straight from his throat before han gently pulled out of her sensitive body, the evidence of his own peak contained within the clear latex that he slid off his member, tying the condom off in a knot before punting it into the trash can next to his desk.

she pulled the blankets up as han settled in the bed next to her, his warm fingers dancing in gentle circles against her sweaty skin as they laid together in the afterglow, a content look on his face as he kissed her on the forehead.

"seoul-oh." she said quietly, twirling his long, dark locks of hair around her fingertip. "i have to tell you something."

"what's on your mind, pretty girl?" worry creased han seoul-oh's face, a pit forming in his stomach.

he hated seeing her like this.

"i'm pregnant."

han's eyes widened. "what? babe, why didn't you tell me?"

"i've been trying all day. but you've had your hands full with dk and sean and drifting." she said sadly. "but i can't raise this baby with dk breathing down our necks. you need to get out of this life, seoul-oh."

han frowned thoughtfully, one hand resting against the side of her face. "i'm going to be a father. fucking hell, babe this is incredible. i promise you, i'm going to make a plan, and i'm going to get us out of tokyo."

"you know we can't keep this a secret any longer, right? i'm already eight weeks along, once the first trimester ends, i won't be able to hide it."

"you're right, you're right. we'll test the waters. i'll tell sean and twinkie in the morning, see how the news of our relationship goes over with them. i want to keep it from dk until i can find a way to get us out of here."

y/n nodded, lacing her fingers with han's and placing his hand on her stomach. "okay. let's do this thing." she broke out into a smile. "we're going to be parents, han. can't you picture it? sitting behind the wheel of your toyota, with our little gremlin on your lap, teaching them how to drive before they can even walk."

han laughed. "they'll be born with a monkey wrench in one hand and a bag of lays in the other."

"i love you, seoul-oh." she said softly, kissing him gently. "i'm so glad i found you three years ago.

"i love you more, y/n. and i can't wait to raise this kid with you."

Tags (though im not sure if any of you are interested loll):

@magnummagnussen @libraryofloveletters @sidcrosbyspuck @scuderiamh

[autisticsupervillain]

Autistic Avatars not realizing that they're Avatars because they're just "like that": a thread

The Eye

Special Interest in the supernatural = constant food for The Watcher

You know about Interest? TELL ME EVERYTHING

"Hey man listen to me infodump about this horrifying ghost story I read for twenty minutes, alright?"

I need to Know everything about something before I partake in it.

"How did I Know that? Eh, I probably hyperfixated on it at some point."

I cannot be misunderstood so I'll beam the facts into your brain.

The Web

I must plan everything 200 steps in advance before doing anything.

I have prepared for all possible outcomes, I can now have this one conversation.

If I set up all these variables long in advance, then I can do everything correctly and Win the social interaction.

I cannot do anything before The Plan says to.

"I practice my social skills by talking to my spider friends." -Martin "Autism" Blackwood

The Stranger

I cannot socialize without being Uncanny.

If my socialization seems like an act, that's because it is. I practice it in the mirror every day.

Theater Kid

How do you Normal Human?

The Anatomy Class.

Assuming fellow Stranger Avatars also just have the 'Tism. They're not trying to be creepy, honest.

Can't do faces. Doesn't notice when you get replaced.

Being subtly off is too subtle for me.

The Lonely

"I have failed the social interaction. Let the fog reclaim me."

Talking to people is draining my batteries even faster than ever. I need to be alone for approximately 384,400,000 years.

Nothing can overstimulate me in the cool, blinding fog.

Nothing unpredictable can happen in the fog.

The fog is your friend.

The known connection between autism and depression feeds the fog.

The Dark

Why is the sun so god damn bright? I'm going to blow it up I swear.

Night Owl.

Everything's decently quite at night and people leave you alone.

Same overstimulation preventatives as the Lonely tbh. Dark and fog are good concealers.

The dawn is your enemy.

The dread florescent lights shall never bother me again. They break upon my arrival.

Can and will infodump to the monster under my bed. Even now it feels like it listens.

The Spiral

Autism makes getting other mental illnesses recognized hard.

Autism dissociation from body and mind. When did it become 3 AM and why do I hurt? Why am I grumpy? What vital self care task did I forget?

Literal mind doesn't often match reality. Reality is specifically unspecific.

Spaced out and wandered off. Where the fuck am I?

I'm not a mental baby, please stop treating me like it.

I'm not inherently dangerous, please stop treating me like it.

Memory problems my beloathed. Did that happen? I dunno.

What Is Time?

What Is Me?

The Gender

Why do things only make sense to me? What does no one else make sense?

The Flesh

Autism Genderfuckery = Flesh fueled dysphoria.

Meat is the only texture that's palatable. Especially the Mystery Meat.

Will never try any other foods. Too picky.

Infodumps about the horrors of meat processing at dinner and ruins the meal for everyone. More steak for me.

Hates PETA.

Double the arms means double the stim. You weren't using them, right?

Working out is a great stim.

The Corruption

Practices social interaction with the bugs who live in my walls.

"Insects are disgusting. I love them!"

Will protect endangered insects by any means necessary.

According to all known laws of aviation-

Relationship boundaries struggles.

Difficulty noticing sickness symptoms.

Is that nausea or am I overstimulated? *Accidentally causes supernatural plague outbreak*

Difficulty getting diseases diagnosed because of both Autism and noticing too many symptoms so the doctors assume they're faking.

Forgot vital hygiene needs.

The Bugs Are My Friends! They keep me company when I'm sick!

The Buried

Weighted blankets are insufficient, I need the Earth to reclaim me.

Avoid social interaction by tunneling everywhere like a mole.

101 facts about worms.

Forgor hygiene again. Time to become dirt.

Digging a hole is good stimming.

That guy who had to be buried alive to sleep properly. What do you mean you don't want to be buried?

The End

Aradia Megido from Homestuck.Com

That's it, that's the list.

The Desolation

The Autism Temper.

Losing relationships and friendships to ableism and your own disability constantly.

The Fire is a wonderful stim board. Watch it crinkle.

Just watching candles melt for hours.

The fire and thrill gives my life passion again.

Jude Perry.png

The Vast

Accidentally terrifying people by infodumping about the horrors of nature.

The stimulus of falling.

Nature/Space/Weather Documentary on in background always.

Okay, but from how high did you fall? I want to calculate your velocity as you fell through the void.

Weirdly enough... power scaling?

Power scaling is just the art of determining how easily your favorite characters can destroy mankind so... yeah, I can see it.

Brain empty, only terminal velocity.

The Hunt

Cat Autism

The inherent hyperfocus of the hunt. The chase. Your prey.

Studying the habits of your latest hyperfixation/Hunt assigned prey for days at a time.

I've spent so much time hunting in the woods that I forgot about human society. The Missing Person's Bureau have written you off for dead.

Returning to society to sell your wears and realizing you aren't human anymore.

That's okay. Social interaction is random. The Hunt makes sense.

It's black and white. Predator and prey. Humans hunting monsters. It Makes Sense.

The Slaughter

The incredible human WW1 documentary.

"Did you know?" *Describes horrible historic warcrime*

Takes apart puts back together guns from their collection.

The list of known casualties from this war is incomplete. With my help, they can expand it. :)

The Extinction

The world is spiraling towards its end and only you seem to care.

It hurts to be this passionate about a lost cause.

You Will Make Them Care.

[cerisereids]

𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐨𝐲 𝐢𝐬 𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐞- 𝐞.𝐦. (𝐛𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐞’𝐬 𝐞𝐝𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧)

i don’t rly go here at this current moment in time but i def want to start writing for eddie more so im partaking in @carolmunson’s writing challenge!! details found here!

pairing- eddie munson x fem!reader

summary- you’re teaching eddie some baking skills ahead of your family’s holiday party. eddie accidentally lets some insecurities slip. you reassure him how much you love him.

warnings- this lowkey got kind of angsty but only for a little, insecure!eddie but we love him

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

thump.

the collision of soft cushion against the back of your head mats your hair and stops you in your tracks. you pause for a moment, hands settling on the edge of the small trailer’s kitchen. you bite your lip, almost annoyed at yourself that you find his immature behavior so endearing.

“really, eds? are you five?” you chastise lovingly, promptly returning the throw pillow exactly the same way it came.

“oof!” eddie exhales as the pillow comes into contact with his soft tummy, “i'm sooorrryyyyy," he fake whines, sauntering over to your spot in the kitchen, "god forbid i want attention from my girlfriend! didn't realize that was asking so much!"

you roll your eyes at his dramatics but sink into his chest as he encircles his arms around your waist.

"what are we making, pretty girl?" he murmurs against your temple before placing a kiss there.

"my grandmother's famous sugar cookie recipe. you can be in charge of the frosting?" you lean your head back onto his shoulder as you ask the question, your sparkling eyes boring into his uncertain ones.

he sucks in air through his teeth, "i dunno babe, i'm no good at this. in case you forgot, i burn water."

you stiffen in his arms, "don't be like that," you quip, "that's not even true! and you know i hate when you talk about yourself like that. so in case you forgot, you can do anything you set that pretty little mind to." you punctuate your little speech with a kiss to his forehead, hoping it seeps through his brain and he finally understands how amazing he truly is.

"thanks, babe," he mutters sheepishly, his humorous reserve gone, "how do i make frosting? i didn't even know it doesn't always come in cans until just now."

you huff out a laugh, "i brought my recipe book for everything," you explain, pulling out a small notebook full of your grandmother's scribbles, "so as long as you have measuring cups and mixing bowls we should be all set."

he takes a second to rummage through his cupboards, pulling out white plastic cups with faded labels on them- 1 cup, 1/2 cup, 1/4 cup, and so on.

"we don't have any like, nice measuring cups, is this okay?" he asks, voice still meek, cheeks tinted the slightest shade of pink.

“as long as we have the right measurements, i don’t care what they look like,” you flash him your sweetest smile before planting a big kiss on his cheek. you beam when his cheeks flush even deeper.

“soooo…” eddie starts, handing you two mixing bowls and taking one for himself, “who’s all going to be there this weekend?”

you could tell by the unusual nonchalance in his tone that he was nervous, but trying to play it cool. after a lifetime of harassment for being who he was, you knew that the pressure of meeting your family was resting heavy on his shoulders.

“pretty much the whole crew,” you say as lightly as possible, but you still see him tense. “eds. they’re gonna love you. i promise,” you tell him with utmost sincerity.

“really?” he scoffs, putting more elbow grease than necessary into mixing the vanilla cookie frosting, “you positive your picture perfect family is gonna be okay with you bringing some freak to their annual party?” his words have bite to them, and they make you pause. “the fact that your family even has an annual christmas party is beyond me.” he mutters under his breath.

you know what he’s doing, you’ve been here before. eddie sometimes feels insecure about the disparities of his upbringing, and you know by now that he doesn’t mean what he’s saying. his bitter words are his armor, protecting him from the vulnerability he shied away from for years. that doesn’t mean they don’t sting, though.

“eddie, if you don’t stop, we’re gonna have a problem,” you rest your spoon on the lip of the mixing bowl and turn to him, “i love you. everything about you, and my family loves me. which means that they’re going to love you no matter what, because you’re important to me.”

he’s still not entirely convinced, so you opt to pull out the big guns, “eddie. do you love me?”

his eyes snap to yours, wild and incredulous, “of course i do. what kind of question is that?”

“as cheesy as it sounds, that’s all that matters sweetheart. they’re going to see how sweet you love me, and that’s all they’ll need to know you’re amazing,” you thwart his attempts to make himself smaller, “unfortunately for you, babe, you can’t hide from me at this point. i see all of you, i know all of you, and i love all of you,” you move to wrap your arms around his middle, eyes boring into his so he can feel your sincerity.

“you-you really like that?” he chews his bottom lip, “all of me?” the last part comes out quiet, and your heart cracks in your chest.

“i love it, eddie. i love you. i swear i want to go back in time and beat up all those little assholes who made you feel otherwise,” you seal your words with a kiss on his lips, a hint of vanilla frosting dances on your tongue.

“thank you, my love,” he says when you break, squeezing you to his chest in an infamous eddie bear hug, “i love you too.”

the two of you stood there for a minute, your nails scraping at the nape of his neck as he held you close.

[thatfreshi]

can i request the reader has an emotionally abusive parent and astarion finds out and protects and comforts her?

TW - Emotional abuse, gaslighting, domestic violence

Recommended Song: The Archer - Adam Melchor

After settling down in Baldur's Gate again, you and Astarion have been slowly trying to fit back into the city. It's hard though, after such a long adventure, after trauma and perilous feats, to just be a person. You've reached out to a couple of old friends, trying your best to explain everything without revealing too much, especially without Astarion jokingly baring his fangs and saying "Be warned, I bite." The dumbass seems to think reverse psychology works on everyone.

So word slowly gets out that you're back in town. People that you knew forever ago suddenly stop by the house, and each time Astarion has to double-check that you know them, paranoid about people coming into the home you've built for the two of you. You don't blame him one bit.

It's a Summer afternoon, and you've just come in from tending your little backyard garden. Astarion calls out to you as you come in the back door.

"Darling, there's yet another person here to see you."

He gets a little overwhelmed by all these people wanting to come see you, but he tries his best to be supportive.

"Alright, coming."

You take off your gloves and hang them up by the door, making your way to the front of the house.

"Who is it?"

"Not sure, she wouldn't say."

He opens the door, and a shiver runs down your spine. Your mother.

"Oh, it's so good to see you Tav."

She lunges for an embrace before you can step away, your body is in shock. 'Why is she here?' 'How did she find out?' 'Who could've possibly told her you were back in town?'

"And who is this handsome man?"

Astarion realizes you're a little stunned, and he takes over the conversation for you.

"Astarion, and who might you be?"

"Well I'm Tav's mother of course! I'm sure she's told you all about me." He words are lined with spite, poison dripping out of her mouth. Your vampiric lover senses the tension, and yet you quickly switch tones.

"Come on in mother, we can show you around."

A fake smile, a facade. He's taught you well how to hide your intent, especially in peril.

"Yes, of course."

His voice trails off, wondering what you're up to. You simply start a tour of the house, acting like you would with any old friend.

"So obviously here's the little living space. I'd like to have some more plants in here, but somebody has to have a place to store all his books."

You try to shoot him a playful look, but when you meet eyes both of you know it's wrong. You chuckle a little too late, almost robotically.

"Ah yes, Tav here used to read all the time as a little one. Read all those silly little adventure books, even wanted to go on one."

"Yes, but-"

"BUT, instead we kept our lovely little offspring around to help with the business for a while, convinced Tav it was best to help the family."

Something triggered in Astarion's brain, the way she said family.

"Yes, of course mother. It was the right thing to do after all."

He realizes you never spoke about your parents, or about any of your family members for that matter. You've always spoken so freely, without a care in the world. Suddenly you were stiff, conforming to a conversation that you had no control over.

"Well, everyone must leave the nest eventually."

He smiles, trying to relieve the tension, still analyzing your movements.

"Well, my child here just up and disappeared a couple years back, left me and my husband in shambles."

Clearly she didn't know about the nautiloid, or about any of your adventures.

"And yet suddenly here you are, a house, a lovely man, and you feel no need to tell your parents you're home? After all, we could always use the help."

"Well, Astarion and I have been very busy mother, finishing up the house, settling in."

"You know I could've helped with all that."

"We've been managing fine."

The conversation starts to get aggressive. Astarion goes into that protective stance of his, standing tall next to you and wrapping his arm around you.

"Yes, if we ever need help we'll certainly reach out."

There's a slight hiss at the end of his sentence, and you nudge him in the side, trying to get him to keep his composure.

"No need to get all defensive. Tav and I, we understand each other. I just worry, my child being out in the wild, adventuring through forests with all those miserable monsters."

"Would've been better being away from the worst of them."

You mutter under your breath. It's frustrating, this woman coming back into your life, trying to convince you to come back and 'help' her out with the business. You did almost all the work, under her hand. And when you said you wanted to leave and go out on a grand quest...

"You know what, you need to leave."

You finally speak up.

"Excuse me?"

She's shocked.

"Yeah, before there's another accident. Would hate if I broke my leg again."

Astarion's grip tenses.

"That was a sad coincidence and you know it Tav."

"No, you pulled the ladder out from under me while I was climbing to fix something on the roof, and I fell and shattered my leg, and this just so happened to be the day after I told you I was going to leave the city."

"I was trying to stabilize it after I saw it was falling. Don't blame your poor mother."

"And what about when you refused to have a cleric come see me, and I was on bed rest for months on end, while you did nothing."

Your mother goes to speak again, but Astarion cuts her off.

"As my lovely partner here has already said, I think you need to leave, now."

He unwraps himself from you, stepping towards the defensive woman.

"There's no way you believe Tav's idiotic lies. Don't be a fool."

"You're the fool, a fool who's about to lose their head if you don't turn around and leave this house."

She goes to say something else, watching as he goes to grab his trusty dagger. Instead she simply huffs, and storms out the door. Astarion slams it behind her.

"You'll come back Tav, you'll see reason!"

He quickly deadbolts the door and comes back over to you, and you finally break down. That woman, she terrorized you your entire childhood, and some mind flayer ship took you away from her, thankfully.

"You... you never told me about your mother."

"Yeah, I didn't think it really compared to all of your shit."

You wipe at your eyes.

"Now, we don't need to compare apples and oranges my love. It's abuse, all the same, all evil."

He holds you for a while. You're still nervous you'll hear banging on the door, but hopefully Astarion scared her off well enough.

"She'll never be back here, not if I have something to say about it. Here, come sit."

You make your way to the sofa, and he just holds you for a while. It's silent, except for his breathing and a few soft sobs from your sorrows.

"You know, I don't mean to pry, and you don't have to answer if you don't wish to... but did she really let you suffer like that? With your leg just, shattered?"

"Mhm. I couldn't walk for months. I still don't think it ever healed properly. I begged for her to get someone to come look at it, and she just kept saying 'no Tav, they'll just charge us for some bogus potions' and that was that."

He wraps his arms around you tighter than ever. He's lost in thought, going between thoughts of your pains and his own.

"We're so lucky."

You're a little surprised. It's not often he's such an optimist, especially at times like this.

"What do you mean?"

"I think we understand each other better than anyone. Your griefs echo mine, it just makes sense. Not to say I'm happy you went through that... but we're just lucky, lucky to have each other."

You plant a gentle kiss on his hand.

"I agree darling. Thank you, for always being here for me."

"Only because I know you'd do the same for me, my love."

The two of you stay cuddled there for a long time, not really saying or thinking anything. Just two people, sitting in the air of each other's freedom. Just two lovers who were the first to be loved by one another.

[sabahs-stuff]

Manifest appearance change. (Weight loss/gain)

(Success story)

❏First and foremost, Yeah, I know you shouldn't let go of your manifestation. Like detaching from your manifestation bla bla..

However, I have noticed that actively affirming appearance change is difficult for me because I love looking at my reflection in the mirror all the time. And I've to constantly remind myself to affirm. Every time I affirm, one of my inner voices started stating the opposite.

I weighed 47kg (I'm 5'3; I know it's the ideal weight, but I wanted to gain a little more). It was difficult for me to eat more. I believe it was about April 14 or 15. I decided to quit trying to eat more. I started to joke that I was gaining weight without eating,"are u kidding me? I'm eating nothing and also skipping dinner these days, so how tf am I gaining weight?" Some of my friends even laughed at me.🙂

Then, out of nowhere, my sister began complaining that I had gained weight, then few days ago I went to the doctor for a checkup, and they also measured my weight, it's 51KG now. Mind you, I skipped a lot of meals and wasn't eating at all. It was during the Mercury retrograde. I was quite depressed and saddened also someone so close to me died. But it took me like 10 days to gain 4kg. If that's not shocking idk what is.

So, this is what I did (•_•)

Reminder : "If you could make yourself believe that you have the exact appearance you desire, it would change"

Every time I ate, I told myself, "I should be dieting." And look at what I'M doing. I should start working out before it's too late. And that is all. Then I didn't even affirm anything during the day, ( I believe that if you make your brain believe that you're prettiest little creature on the planet and your existence is a service to the humanity then that's how it would be. And my toxic trait is that I believe my presence is a blessing to the humanity.😂

every time I looked in the mirror, I said, "Wtf? I'm gaining weight . "Shit, I need to diet." And trust me when I tell you at that exact moment your brain is going send you a thought "Stop lying; you're still skinny bitch"

But don't forget that you get to select what happens in your reality. If your mind wants to offer you lemons, make lemonade.😂

I said, "Yes, that's correct. If I want to lose my weight I need to affirm I'm still skinny" and I kept on saying "I need to lose weight or I'll gain more weight" just tricked my brain into thinking that I'm chubby and attempting to manifest becoming skinny. And I didn't focused on the end goal; I wasn't obsessed with it; I didn't give a damn about it, but whenever I noticed a little change, I freaked out as if something terrible had happened. And believe me when I say I freaked out it was Oscar worthy😂

I Remember, the first thing I noticed was that my arm was looking a bit chubby. I was screaming and even fake crying, 😭 "Damn this is embarrassing, I need to work out, I'm gaining weight." I then searched and downloaded weight loss workouts online.

Trust me I was living the moment 😂. literally living in the end. It was easy at the time because my brain was literally blank. I had no feelings or emotions, so I fed my brain whatever I wanted, and it ate every thought I gave it. I'm happy with my weight now.

I'm now 51kg this is just a photo I saved from Pinterest but this is my Desired type-

Here are some tips:

Your appearance is constantly changing with your affirmations and beliefs. So don't doubt whether this is going to work or not. 

Your manifestation will take time, depending on you and your beliefs.

And about mental health, I would post about it later, but it's important.

The more you visualize, the faster it will become a reality.Visualise everything; literally, everything you want, VISUALIZE 🙌 stay in your head

The amount of things I changed and manifested in my life is crazy; it's different for each person. But it took me a year to fully understand manifestation. So give yourself time. Spend time with yourself; the better you know yourself, the better you'll get in manifestation. Best advice: talk to yourself (in your head, of course, or others would think you're crazy, lol 😹.)  gossip with yourself; if you want to be tall tell yourself that you're tall and stick to it refuse to let go. ✊🏻

Hope you like it. It's my first ever post but clearly not the last 😉 feel free to ask any questions. 🩷

[brainddeadd]

Okay, I’ve another request. Reader who is used to being the rock in everyone’s lives. Her friends, her family. And she doesn’t mind. She’s so used to being super helpful and self sacrificing that it’s normal. Like. She legit doesn’t really notice. And then like. Kind of don Chan but like. Non sexual at first? The first time he tells her to do something or not do something like in a slightly stern voice… like maybe she’s picking up something for someone who’s low key a bitch or smth like that. I really don’t know. And at first she goes like. Who dareth speaketh to me like that but then she melts and she realises she likes being told what to do but like obv tries to cover it up and get fake annoyed? Ik this is super chaotic but I hope u get my drift a bit… and then maybe— acquaintances to lovers and maybe a more… sexual and general setting? Like she, who dominates every aspect of life wants to be an absolute slave to everything he says.

Bang Chan x f!reader

Cafe worker's and university students! AU.

fluff, suggestive, dom-sub dynamics (mostly sfw and slight nsfw)

I'm so sorry that it took me so long to get to this one.

You're officially 💋 anon.

Bang Chan is annoying.

Well.. no, that's not entirely true.

He's sweet, and kind, and caring, and always make sure you're eating well, drinking enough water, not working too hard without taking breaks. He often messages you over the weekend or on your days off to see how your studies are going, asking if you're taking breaks.

He brings you little things; chocolate he knows you like or your favourite drink, passing them to you with a nonchalant smile, going about his day.

But you're not used to people wanting to take care of you, much less without asking for something in return. You keep waiting for the ball to drop, for him to ask something of you, expect something, think he's entitled to something. But it never happens.

It's been months, and Chan never asks a thing of you. Simply asks how you are, and moves on.

It's gone from little, friendly moments of caring, to moments full of lingering touches and glances that last too long, both of you wanting to say more, but never taking the leap.

That's how you end up here, sitting with him outside the cafe, watching the sunset after you've both finished for the day.

You're trying to work up the courage to ask him for something. For help.

"Chan," he can see the hesitation on your face, and he wants to tell you that you can ask him anything, but he stays quiet, waiting for you to work through your thoughts. "I need your help."

"What do you need?" His Aussie accent is thicker than normal, but you don't think much of it, too in your head to process it.

"I- My sink, it's- tap-" you sigh, head falling to your hands. "Fuck-"

"Your sink is broken and you need help to fix it?" Of course he knows. Translates the mess in your brain to actual words and verbalises it. Nodding, he smiles and takes you hand in his, telling you to lead the way.

You fall into a pattern then, coming to him when you need help doing something that you can't fix yourself, knowing he'll be there to do it for you.

~~

"She wants you to what?" He's frowning, arms crossed over his chest, and you can't help but let your eyes wander over his muscles.

"Plan her party." You shrug, like it's no big deal, but Chan's not having it.

"No." His voice is stern and you frown at him. He sighs.

"Look, I can't tell you what to do, but she's a bitch and has never and will never do anything nice for you." He moves closer, hands unfolding and resting at his sides. "You could be on fire, and she wouldn't attempt to put it out."

"And who would?!" You know you shouldn't be so annoyed, but the way he ordered you not to, and the way your body reacted to his command are freaking you out. He frowns again, leaning down to your height.

"I would." He presses his forehead to yours. "I would, and you know it."

You nod, hands reaching for his and he immediately takes you into his arms.

"Chan-" He nudges his nose against yours.

"Tell me if you want this to stop, if you don't want this."

"I want this." You whisper. "I want you."

His eyes close, and he leans into press a gentle kiss to your lips, hands grazing your sides. You lean into him, pulling him close and sink into his hold.

Too quickly for your liking, he pulls away, but keep his arms around you.

"Let me take you on a date?" Nodding, you lean into him again, but he pulls back even further, stepping out of reach. "Go get changed. I'll pick you up at 7."

Chan leaves you standing in shock, body buzzing from his touch and mind running with new information, you rush to get ready, hands shaking from excitement.

~~

He spends the whole date with his hand on your back, gently guiding you to the car, helping you in and out, guiding you through the restaurant.

He guides you back to his car, hand on your back, and your body relaxes into his touch, lets him move you as he pleases, and your mind wanders to all the ways he could move you and mold you to his liking.

~~

"Wanna come in?" It's a bold question, but you mean it, in whatever way he wants it.

"You sure?" You know what he's really asking.

"I'm sure."

[dashofmonsters]

Dreamers & Delusions- Pt. 4

merman x female reader

You stood there frozen for a minute trying to process the fact that Tao had indeed accidentally told your grandmother that the two of you were dating when that was just some misunderstanding.

"You told my crazy seventy three year old grandmother, who has been bothering me to get in a relationship since I moved in with her, that you're my boyfriend," you realize you sound a little hysterical when you say all that.

Tao nods his head slowly, "I uh, made an incorrect assumption."

Between your silly crush on him and this whole funny misunderstanding, your poor brain and heart are having a track day trying to run in the right direction together.

"How am I going to tell her that you didn't get what she was asking you," you mutter as you start to nervously calculate the conversation you'll have with her.

Tao clears his throat then and looks away from you, "Maybe don't say anything?"

"Huh?" you look up at him and he's blushing.

"I uh... I mean she doesn't have to know. You said it yourself, she's stressing you out constantly to find a mate so just let her believe it until you do find someone," Tao shrugs and tries to look back at you but his nerves don't let him.

It sounds like the best worst idea you've ever heard but it sounds like the only way you'd get some peace at home. Tao has always been an advocate for peace and everything being just right. But fake dating seems almost too good to be true.

"What's the catch," you cross your arms waiting for the punch to the gut.

Tao blinks and looks down at you confused, "There is no catch or payment on your end. I am offering this fake relationship to make up for the misunderstanding as well as offering you some peace."

"Oh..." you fiddle with your fingers. "Well thank you. I guess we could give it a shot if that's really something you're ok with."

"Yes it is," he nods. "I do not mind helping a shoa- I mean friend."

Your brows shoot up, "What were you about to say?"

Tao is silent.

"Come on, you can tell me," you smile.

"It's nothing," he glares at you.

"I won't be weird about it," you plead.

Tao looks around to make sure the coast is clear and looks back at you and rolls his eyes, "Let me finish shopping and I will tell you. This is not the place."

You give him a little pout but agree. Tao has been all about "there's a time and a place for everything". You can respect that but you're still going to be a little antsy till he tells you what he was going to say.

Tao is quick with his shopping and even buys you a snack since you ran out before having breakfast. He escorts you away from the shopping center and he has you following him while you eat. You notice he looks a little less nervous and that he's walking very close to you.

"I apologize if what I'm about to say may seem strange or even odd given our differences," Tao starts. "You are my only friend and because of that I have become unusually protective. After the event where you were almost attacked by the shark I realize that you are all I have and because of that some part of me has decided you are a part of my shoal."

You're at a loss for words then. Tao had told you the importance of a shoal a few times here and there but you never thought you'd be that important to him. A shoal is a mix of friends and families. He has neither over here so for him to consider you a part of his two person strong shoal felt well, a bit overwhelming but amazing.

"You're not saying anything," he notes a the both of you keep walking along.

You give him a nervous laugh, "Sorry, I promised I wouldn't make this weird. The squishy sentimental part of me just wants to give you a big ol hug while the respectful part of me is just going to be awkwardly quiet while smiling like a goofball."

Tao smiles at you then seeming relieved, "But you're always smiling like a goofball."

"Yeah well I'm only like that around you," you say then realize what just came out of your mouth. "Because you know I feel ok to be happy around you and I'm not stressed or having to worry about stupid shit and I just haven't had actual friends aside from you or Jessica so I'm just you know happy."

You want to slap yourself in the face for just admitting all that via word vomit even if it was all the truth. You feel incredibly safe with Tao even though you've only known him for a few months. This gradual build up from strangers to friends to now shoal buddies has you wanting to smile all the time.

"I think I can understand that. I have just been surviving and trying to make a living while working here. I never thought I'd have any sort of life here until I met you. I am beginning to have hope for the first time in a long time that things will be alright," Tao pauses in the middle of the sidewalk and looks around.

He takes a deep breath in as the light cool wind combs through his hair. He looks content and the harsh lines on his face seem just a tad softer. The fins on his arms that he used to hide are out and have that leathery sheen to them in the late autumn sun. Tao closes his eyes before he looks back down at you, the whites having turned black again.

There's a long stretch of silence as the both of you just look at each other. It doesn't feel as weird or uncomfortable as it should, it's just nice. The nice peaceful moment doesn't last of course and is interrupted by a small group of teens on their longboards.

Tao clears his throat and looks away, "Would you like to uh have lunch with me?"

"Absolutely," you grin, like a goofball.

~~~~~~~~~

Tao takes you to his small rental for lunch. It's a beach house with a large saltwater tank underneath it. There's several runes that help reinforce the structure and blackout tinting on the tank to provide some privacy. You're a little giddy that you finally get to see Tao's place but you do your best to keep it to yourself.

"It's not much, I hardly spent anything on decorating. My old shoal was very minimalistic. The kitchen however, I may have over done it just a bit. I think I got a bit enthusiastic once I arrived here," he warns you as he unlocks the door and shuffles inside.

The first room is a bare bones living room with a long table next to the door and hooks holding different bags and large hoodies. You see a large hatch in the middle of the floor that you guess goes to the tank with a bench to the side that has a stack of neatly folded towels. The room pretty much screams Tao until you see the bar separating this room and the kitchen.

The bar has several kitchen appliances lined up. You see a huge cutting board and a knife set next to an open cupboard with the most impressive spice rack you've ever seen. He has copper pots and pans hanging above the kitchen in a gorgeous display.

"Tao my friend, enthusiastic is an understatement. Dude you went overboard into obsession. A lot of what I can see if restaurant quality here... Is that a le Creuset dutch oven," you make a beeline to his kitchen and carefully get an up close look at his cookware.

"It's a Staub but they're basically the same thing," Tao says as he starts taking the groceries out and putting them away.

You can't help but to stare as you get a better look at his appliance line up. He's got everything from a stand mixer with all the attachments to a steam basket and food processor.

"I can't believe you have all of this. It must have cost an arm and a leg," you look over at Tao who's leaning against his pantry watching you.

You feel your cheeks warm up a tad under his watch.

"I wouldn't say it cost that much, but I never paid full price. There was always a sale or someone got a gift that they didn't want," he shrugs.

"So you were enthusiastically frugal," you raise a brow. "How come I'm not surprised?"

Tao chuckles, "Is my kitchen really this impressive to you?"

"Dude had I known you had all this here, I'd be begging to come here as often as possible just to get some practice in. I'm pretty much broke between bills, paying my grandmother rent, and what little niceties I can afford myself," you shrug while staring lovingly at his knives.

You hear Tao pull some things from the fridge, "Well then, I guess I don't have to ask if you want to help me with lunch then."

"Oh? What are we making then," you ask.

Tao smiles and grabs and apron, "Anything you want."

~~~~~~~~~

You can't remember the last time you had as much fun as you did then cooking with Tao. The first time at your grandmother's house was nice and all, but at Tao's you felt really free. Once you agreed on a recipe neither of you spoke, but you didn't need to. There were no words but a sweet symphony of chopping and sautéing, stirring and blending.

Even as you two made a mess thanks to the blender's top being off, there was still a wonderful peace between you two. You also got an added bonus of Tao having to take his shirt off halfway through since the blender sloshed sauce on it. Seeing Tao topless in an apron should not have been as hot as it was you told yourself.

After an amazing lunch and cleaning up, Tao showed you the rest of his house. The "nest" room was just that. A master bedroom with the bottom covered in mattresses and piled with comforters, blankets, and pillows. The windows were covered by blackout curtains and the only lights were dim crystals in the corners of the room. It was the least Tao looking room he had.

Once the grand tour was over Tao decided to walk you home. Everything was fine until your grandmother walked out and clapped her hands together and smiled. She started fussing about you running out of the house and not saying anything but everything is fine since you're with Tao and not causing trouble like your mother.

Tao stood a bit closer to you then and glared daggers at your grandmother as she tried to invite him in but he declined saying he has a few things to take care of before he comes back to take you to work.

That made your grandmother grin while you reeled a bit in confusion. Tao never mentioned he'd walk you to work before.

But true to his word he came back just as you were about to leave.

"You don't have to walk me to work ya know," you say.

"I know, but doing this will make our fake relationship a bit more believable won't it," he asks. "And aside from that... I think I need practice."

"Practice? What for," you ask, adjusting your backpack.

"For courting," he admits.

You can't help but to laugh, "You want to practice dating while fake dating me?"

Tao groans, "If it's not too much. There might be a chance that my fated mate is human. I have no idea how to properly court a human and you're the only human I know."

"I might be a piss poor example if I'm being honest. I've dated once and that was enough for me. Dude literally told me I'd be a lot prettier if I didn't talk so much," you seethe at the memory of your first and last boyfriend.

"You seem to have horrible luck with human males," Tao notes.

"You have no idea buddy, which is why I swore off of them and any other guys for that matter. People like me are probably better off alone," you sigh. It was something you always told yourself in your head and it feels strange to finally say it.

"Are you saying you have given up on finding a mate," Tao looks to you and there's an look of sadness in his eyes.

"I've given up a long time ago. Love is lost on people like me Tao. No one has ever tried to get to know me aside from you and Jessica. My own family acts like they know me and worse, they act like they care. I'm just the daughter of some fuck up. I'm always judged based off of where I work, who my family is, and what I do on my time off. It's fucking infuriating but that's my lot in life," you shrug and flap your arms out, readjusting your bag.

Tao is quiet then, he doesn't say anything else for the rest of the walk to work but he does surprise you by taking your hand. He holds it and keeps you close. You hate how much you're enjoying this because you know it's not real, you know that you're using each other in the nicest way possible and it hurts.

When you finally get to work you give Tao's hand a squeeze before you let go, however he doesn't.

"When do you get off work," he asks.

"I work a late shift Tao, I probably won't be out of here till midnight, eleven if I'm lucky. I can walk myself home, it's fine," you smile.

"If this was a real relationship would you want me to walk you home," he asks.

Your brain goes blank for a moment since you haven't a clue.

"I mean most girls would probably say yes so we shou-"

"I'm not asking what anyone else would want," Tao towers over you, his eyes shining in the setting sun. "I asked if you would want it. If you'd want me to walk you home."

You feel your cheeks heat up and you're pretty sure you stopped breathing for a moment or two. You nod your head and Tao sighs.

He moves his hand from yours and tips your head back by your chin, "Use your words."

"Yes," is all you can manage.

Tao smiles, "I'll be here at eleven then."

~~~~~~~~~~~~

"What in the fresh fuck was going on between you and tall, dark and handsome," Jessica stops you the second you enter the diner.

You roll your eyes and inhale sharply, "You wouldn't believe me if I told you and even if you did, I don't think I'd hear the end of it from you."

Jessica begs and pleads for the next hour. With the diner pretty much dead aside from the usual late night regulars she ends up wearing you do pretty fast.

"Fine fine, he and are fake dating," you whisper to her.

"No," Jes smiles and clutches her chest.

"It's his fault really. My grandmother asked if he was my boyfriend and-"

"Let me guess, he probably assumed that since he's a male and your friend that that was that? Typical other realmers," Jes rolls her eyes.

"Yes and well, when I told him that I'd have to come clean he said I shouldn't and then one thing turns into another and now he wants to practice dating," you groan.

"While fake dating," Jes cocks a brow and takes out a piece of gum.

You scrub your face with your hand and nod.

"Oh girl, you going to be alright," she asks, actually concerned now.

"Maybe," you sigh. "I don't know."

Jessica pops the gum in her mouth and hums, "Just try not to think too hard on it. And, if you think it's too much make the right choice. Don't hurt yourself ok?"

You nod and feel a heaviness in your heart you've never felt before.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Your shift ends at eleven thanks to the diner being near empty. You change pretty quickly since Tao is supposed to walk you home and you don't want to make him wait.

As you step outside you see Jes poking at Tao who looks nervous with his hands held up high. His eyes meet yours and you practically hear him begging for help.

"Alright alright, Jes I'll take it from here. Go home and terrorize your mate," you shoo your friend away and she gives Tao a mean mugging glare.

"I've got my eyes on you boy, you hurt her and my mate and I will rain down absolute hell on ya," Jes points to him before stomping off, but you see her smiling.

You turn to Tao and he gives you an awkward smile.

"Care to tell me what all that was about," you raise a brow.

"Your friend had a few things to say to me about our current... how did she put it? Ah yes, situatationship," Tao nods.

You slap yourself in the face and hard.

"Please tell me Jessica didn't teach you that word. Oh gods this is a lot," you groan.

"But is it not correct? We are not in an established relationship with each other and I am practicing courting and romancing a human which is you. Is there not a better a term for what we are in," he asks, very matter of factly.

"I guess not," you mumble. "Just don't go around telling people that. Some older folks don't quite get it and it'll just hurt their brains. Did Jes tell you anything else?"

Tao looks up and nods before walking up closer to you. His eyes are bright as they look you up and down, "She told me to walk you home every time you have a late shift, to enjoy your company as much as possible and that you... you need to stay away from your grandmother as much as possible."

You notice Tao's pause before he mentions your grandmother but you don't feel like prying. This whole situatationship thing with him is enough of a heartache headache that you don't want to think too much on.

"Ok then," you give him a tired smile.

Tao takes your hand then and gently pulls you along. You feel yourself dragging your feet and looking down more than looking up. Your heart still hurts and you chastise yourself for getting caught up in these feelings too fast too soon.

"Are you tired," Tao asks, pulling you away from the side walk and down to a bench.

You sit and then slump, "Physically awake, emotionally exhausted."

Tao looks around then and nods before scooping you up. You squeal when he bolts towards the beach but makes a beeline for the cliffs. The cliffs are usually off limits unless there are guides or security and Tao knows this. You look up at him confused but he's focused like a man on a mission.

The closer he gets the more you notice the speckles of light dancing atop the cliffs. Tao leaps off the rocks, jumping from one large boulder to another as he quickly climbs to the top.

You gasp when you see the beautiful sight before you. A large gathering of pixies dancing midair in a circle. A few of them spot you and Tao and quickly fly towards you both laughing. One of them sprinkles something atop of Tao's head and a crown of grey and blue flowers plops down on him. You laugh until one sprinkles you and a crown of shells and crystals appears on yours.

"Not good enough, no not yet," one of the pixies hovers next to you and slaps Tao's arm. "Put her down, I've much to do!"

Tao sets you down and you give him a nervous look as the pixies practically swarm you. You're pretty much assaulted by spells as they circle you and you feel your clothes shift and change and before you know it you're wearing a dress right out of a fairytale.

You do a quick twirl and admire the dress the pixies conjured. It's the same color as Tao's mer-half. A dark grey accented with white and black lace and frills. The chains are silver and there's a faint blue glow from the crystals you wear.

"Tao what is this," you turn to him and feel your breath being knocked right out of you.

The pixies finish their spell work on him and he's dressed like some feral rogue from a fantasy novel. His hair is messy and his fins and stripes are on full display. There's a much wilder edge to him than usual.

His eyes meet yours as he walks towards you. He holds out his hand and you take it.

"It's a month long celebration the pixies have right before winter hits. Their leader asked me if they could have this area at night while the humans are away. I agreed. Their festivities have been delayed due to the storm so they have just begun," he explains.

"And the outfits," you twirl your skirt as you ask.

Tao chuckles, "Their way of inviting us to the revelry. Do you dance?"

"Do you," you ask, shocked about what might be happening here.

"All fair folk dance, it is like breathing to us. Doesn't matter if we are of land or sea. Do you dance," he asks again as he walks you closer to the circle of pixies.

"Not really. I've never danced or have been to a revel before," you give him a nervous grin.

"Than it will be my honor to be your first dance partner," Tao nods his head before pulling you into the circle of pixies.

The pixies immediately break into song. You can't see the instruments but you hear them. Tao spins you in his arms under the dazzling pixie lights to the beat of a drum you can't see. Little by little you let yourself go and just feel. You follow Tao's steps as he spins you again and again. You're nearly dizzy when he scoops you up and runs towards the edge of the cliff. You gulp in air and feel a scream coming on when he jumps.

But you don't hit the water, not yet anyways. You're floating down with the pixies around you and Tao before the gently plop you both in the water. The pixies splash in and out around you and you giggle until you feel something rubbery beneath you.

You go stock still in fear.

"What's wrong," Tao shakes you and realizes you're shivering and shaking.

"Sh- I... there's a shark. I just felt it," you whimper.

Tao opens his mouth and looks around then back at you, "That is no shark."

"But I felt it Tao. It has-"

"That was my tail you kicked," he laughs and swims you both closer to the pixies. He lifts part of his massive tail out of the water and you gasp. It was the first time you've been up close with Tao in his true form. You've seen him from a distance a few times but it didn't do him justice.

"My birth shoal's mer are very shark-like I suppose. There are many different shark-like mers just as there are sharks. I hope this doesn't make you uncomfortable," Tao looks at his tail and then to you.

"No no no! That's got nothing to do with this! I really thought there was a shark and after the last shark attack... I have a teeny tiny phobia of them. We're good though," you stammer and then playfully punt his tail.

"So you're not scared of me," he gives you a nervous smile as he rolls over.

"Of you? Never! You're stuck with me dude. Well at least until you find your mate," you poke at him and try to swim away.

Tao suddenly disappears under the waves though and away from the pixie lights. You don't feel him nearby and your heart leaps when you feel something tickle the bottom of your feet. You attempt to kick away only to feel yourself being dragged under water suddenly.

You flail about for a moment then feel something soft brush against your neck. It's soft and tickles and then you can breathe.

"Open your eyes," you hear Tao say.

You take a peek and notice that your eye doesn't sting from the salt water. Slowly opening your eyes you see a gorgeous underwater world that's been so close to you but so out of reach.

Tao takes your hand again and leads you around. The pixies dive in and trade their little wings for tiny fins and tails. They swim alongside the both of you lighting the dark ocean. Your eyes continue to adjust and you see the strips on Tao glowing a dim blue like the crystals you're wearing. A lovely stripped pattern appears on his tail and it leaves a small trail of light behind him.

You all swim around for what feels like hours before resurfacing near the beach. Tao transforms back to his more human form and scoops you up and walk you back to the beach. You're both sopping wet and the clothes the pixies conjured feel heavy now. You giggle when he sets you down on the beach chair with a shlop and the both of you break out laughing.

"I don't think I've ever had that much fun in one night! Also, don't ever jump off of a cliff while carrying me and not saying anything. That scared the shit out of me," you huff but smile.

"Apologies, I was caught up in the revelry. I'll remember to tell you when I plan to plunge us into the dark unforgiving waters of the Pacific next time," Tao laughs.

You roll your eyes and stretch out. A comfortable silence falls between the both of you as you watch the pixies dance atop the waves, slowly ending the revelry for tonight.

"I don't think I've ever had this much fun either. I can't even recall a time when I had fun with my birth shoal. I was always on the outside of everything. Can I tell you something," he turns to you with the shyest smile.

"Of course you can," you say.

"That was also the first time I've danced," he admits.

You place a hand above your heart, "And you had your first dance with me, what an honor."

Tao chuckles and rolls his eyes, "It could be that you are not meant for human males, but for someone from the realm I hale from. You have the spirit like the fair folk much like Jessica does. That might be why your luck with romance has been terrible."

"You sound very sure of that," you grimace. The thought of an actual relationship, no the thought of being a fated mate to someone of the other realm scared you a bit.

"The pixies took to you so quickly I was a bit stunned. They're usually cautious around humans. I believe you're fated for someone of my home realm," he gives you a smile that nearly has your heart melting.

"If you say so," you hold yourself tightly and look away from him.

You hear him walk towards you and crouch down, "You are meant for love my friend. No one has been worth the love you're too afraid to show. You are kind beyond what most deserve and hide yourself behind the shadows of your past. I hope someday that love finds you and can help you heal the scars in your heart."

"Tao, you keep saying really nice things like that then I'm pretty sure I'm going to keep having to raise my standards and hope my mate can meet them," you giggle as you try not to cry.

The pretty and hopeful words he speaks to you feel so nice but they hurt so bad too. You hate that you're crushing on him. You hate the you know you're slowly moving from just a crush into something more. You won't tell him though, you'll take all these feelings to the grave with you.

"I will also have high standards for a mate because of you. Fated or not, I hope she will be as joyful as you are," Tao admits as he looks back to the ocean.

There are hardly any pixies left save for a small handful whose light keep switching from sea green to a sunset pink.

"I should walk you home, it is late and I fear we will both be very exhausted come morning," he pushes up and scoops you into his arms in one quick movement.

The walk home was more of Tao jogging at top speed. The streets are quiet save for the occasional night driver and ride shares dropping people off from a bar. Tao slows down just a little as he gets closer to your neighborhood.

You grab for your backpack and suddenly realize it's not there.

"Tao my bag!" you gasp.

He quickly sets you down and realizes it's gone before he pats at the air behind you and it reappears.

"Simple concealment spell. Your bag was with you just following alongside you in a less apparent realm," he nods and takes your hand.

You're close to home and sort of just trudge the rest of the way there hand in hand. Tao walks you up the steps and as you fish out your keys he takes you by the chin and kisses you.

Not on the forehead.

Not on the cheek.

But a full deep passionate kiss on the lips. He kisses you once, twice, and a third time before he stands straight, the whites of his eyes black and a couple of light blue stripes appear on his cheeks.

He brushes your cheek with his thumb, "Goodnight."

You nod and he kisses your cheek this time before he parts.

"Until tomorrow," he nods and walks away into the night.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tao:

I did as Jessica told me to and kissed her goodnight. I did not think I would like it as much as I did. If I am being honest with myself, I was afraid I would not be able to stop kissing her.

Everything I have done tonight with her will be with me forever, even after we find our mates...

A terrible acidic taste stings my mouth and I feel sick just thinking about her being with someone. It is wrong to feel such a way I scold myself. She is dear to me and I wish her nothing but happiness.

But would it be wrong to think that she could be happy with me?

Something heavy settles into my very being and I feel myself slowing as I get closer to the house I rent.

Little by little images play in my head of what sort of life I could have with a mate like her. But the more vivid they become the more of her I see.

It feels wrong and selfish of me to want her more than I already do. I told her she is meant for someone from my home realm and maybe somewhere deep down inside me I might be wishing that someone is me.

I grasp at one of the pillars holding up my home and I grind my teeth. Every bit of me wants to keep her close, keep her safe. She is my shoal and I hers. My only friend.

I can't hurt her, but I fear I might have begun to in ways that are irreversible now.

Jessica had warned me that my dear friend might have some sort of feelings for me and that I should not get too close. I fear I cannot stop myself from wanting to be closer to her. I want to know how she feels, what she thinks, I want her but I can't.

She is not for someone like me.

She is bright and speaks her mind. She deserves love and happiness that someone like I could not give her.

I am horrible company, too quiet and reserved. I haven't a clue why she speaks to me only that I could hear her talk for hours. I will never admit that to her though.

I feel a sad sort of happiness in my heart. A quiet yearning for someone I cannot have. I clasp my hand over my heart and take a deep breath.

I will allow myself to feel this before I plunge any desire for her deep into the darkest parts of my soul.

The wind picks up and a light sensation crosses my lips and I remember the kiss.

That heaviness nestles further and further and I fear that if I do not center myself soon I might not be able to get her out of my mind tonight.

[monsterblogging]

So, it finally clicked that while the average person does in fact broadly comprehend that people are neither good nor evil - they're good and bad, and have free will - they also can't understand why some people would fully commit themselves to completely awful causes or to being a terrible person throughout their entire lives. They can't really picture how this works, because they can't imagine themselves choosing to die on a hill of Being A Terrible Person.

This void in their comprehension is where the myth of the Ontologically Evil Person is very likely to come and settle in sooner or later, because it seems to finally provide an answer that makes sense of otherwise senseless cruelty and violence. Agonizing questions like "Why would my boyfriend spend so much energy on making me feel like shit and breaking me down?" "Why would this historical figure decided to kill all of these people?" and "Why would this guy go start a cult and murder everyone?" are finally given an answer, and the formerly-bewildered person finally has some peace of mind.

Because of this, the myth of the Ontologically Evil Person is incredibly hard to get out of people's minds once it takes root. For one thing, bad ideas are like bad habits; it doesn't really work to tell people to Just Stop With Them, because without something else to take its place? They're going to fall back on it.

And if somebody's been traumatized from abuse? The last thing they want to hear is that they're basically dehumanizing their abuser and that's not cool, because it feels to them like the other person is taking their abuser's side and telling them to get fucked. Even if this not what's happening, the survivor's brain is currently operating on fight/flight/fawn/freeze mode, and a brain operating fight/flight/freeze/fawn mode is keyed to making snap decisions to try and remove you from the danger as soon as possible, which means categorizing everything into black and white. This person couldn't care less about the history of eugenics right now; literally all they care about is being safe.

"Okay, so if the Ontologically Evil Person doesn't exist, how the hell do you explain those fuckers over there?" some of you are probably asking.

Here's the deal. Literally every human being alive can and will do terrible things if they're sufficiently scared and desperate. They're in no position to appreciate that nearly all asshole behavior can be explained by a lack of critical social and self-management skills, or by a lack of access to self-improvement (including being too traumatized to trust means of self-improvement).

People who are scared, insecure, and under high levels of stress will often cling to anything that makes them feel better, because they want to feel safe and secure and not in psychological and/or physical agony. (Stress does an absolute number on your body, too.)

Being reliant on a shitty behavior, belief system, or product for some measure of feeling secure and safe is how you get people saying things like "If I didn't act mean, everyone would just walk all over me!" or "I was really depressed before I found this, so if I gave it up I'm going to get depressed again, and I might hurt myself." (And there might be some truth to this one! This might indeed happen if they give it up cold turkey, and without finding an alternative!) It's how you get people conducting """scientific""" studies to """prove""" that their bigotry is totally justified and not at all irrational. ("Well of course these people are genetically inferior, they wouldn't be poor and disease-ridden if they weren't... what do you mean, systemic inequality and uneven healthcare access? No that's obviously fake and made up by More Bad People.")

People also act in unhealthy ways to deal with personal insecurities implanted by parents or society. You have people out there whose parents drummed it into their heads that second place was for worthless losers, or that no one would love them if they didn't look or act a certain way. You have people who absorbed the idea that acknowledging the basic humanity of shitty people means that they have to forgive them and personally help them get better and just suffer through the abuse in the meantime.

This is how people choose to die on the hill of Being A Terrible Person. They weren't ontologically evil. They were scared, and they thought they saw a fortress on the top of that hill that would keep them (and perhaps also their loved ones) safe.

[everythingne]

marketing ploy - ln4 / ch. 5

Italy through Canada. A few people make observations, Olivia makes a huge realization, a few too drinks are shared, and Oscar starts to get a little bit more concerned when Ollie seems a bit... off. Until she snaps and tells him everything.

piastri!oc x lando norris, brothers bestfriend/fake dating

warnings/notes: alcohol/drinking, pretty intense kissing/makeout scene, still probably some incorrect f1 info but look, im trying. its a BIT summary-ish this chapter, but only because there's a few small bites from each race, everything will really be kicking off next chapter >:D! (I apologize in advance)

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MAY 20TH 2023 -- ITALY

Italy had passed in a blur of media obsession, cameras constantly on me and everything I did. Hell, I would breathe too hard and someone would post about it. Keeping everything quiet had been getting harder and harder now that Twitter was fully convinced Lando and I were dating, even if we hadn't announced it yet. We still had a while to go until our 'relationship' would be officially announced by us on fucking live television, something I still couldn't get over. And my heart ache was starting to get more prevalent as the whole situation was starting to confuse my heart and my brain, making me actually think Lando liked me.

But that kiss? Come on.

McLaren's social media team had Lando and Oscar out almost the whole weekend when they weren't racing, they were doing practically everything for the media team this weekend since we all knew Monaco was going to be crazy for us. Between it being one of the, in my opinion, busiest race weekends due to its hyper-publicity. And as we knew this, we (as in Me, Charles, Lando, Oscar, Daniel and Max) had plans for a party at a club in Monaco. As more drivers found out about the plan it ended up with us renting out some private rooms for all the teams and their drivers in this one club Charles and Arthur allegedly swore by. It was going to be one hell of a party.

So, since I had no Oscar or Lando to bother, I had somehow ended up in Max's hotel room with Charles and Daniel. We were happily splitting bottles of the most expensive wine we could order to his room and talking about anything and everything. We had talked about the season so far, everyones families back home (with another very interesting Max childhood story that had us all questioning his mental health for the thirtieth time this week) and we were currently discussing media.

I had mentioned not going on Twitter due to everything being crazy, and three heads turned to look at me. Max has Charles' head in his lap, the latter poking my thigh as he giggled, cheeks flushed from the drinks as he asks, "Speaking of, how was Seaspice?"

"I need to know!" Daniel shouts, turning so fast he nearly knocks himself over and I snort from where I'm curled up on the couch in one of Lando's hoodies. I had taken it forever ago and just never gave it back, not that Lando had asked for it or even seemed to mind.

"It was really nice." I murmur, cheeks warming up as I swirl my wine, "I don't think we stopped talking the whole time. He opened the door for me, got my chair, paid for dinner. This motherfucker bought me flowers? And left them at the hotel. And a Coach purse and chucks! And he was so fucking nice. I just... I had a really good time and we talked about basically everything. Which means he knows the most about me now, other than Oscar."

"I'm glad you enjoyed it." Max smiles and Charles nods enthusiastically, leaning up to take a sip of his wine before laying back down.

"Lando told me a bit about it." Daniel pops down on the couch next to me, poking Charles on the shoulder who whines and throws his arm dramatically over his eyes, making us all chuckle softly. His wine must've not been settling nicely, which I thought was odd for a man from Monaco of all places. Or he was just being dramatic.

"What'd Lando say?" Max hums, taking a sip of his wine as we all settle into a mess of tangled limbs.

"Just like, that he was totally in love with her the whole time and practically drooling over her." Daniel shrugs, "he's head over fuckin' heels."

My heart flutters at the sentiment, even if it know Lando's declarations of love are all fake for the media. Every little joke, every date, every hand hold or kiss or flirting joke, everything we were was for the media. At the end of the day Lando and I couldn't have each other. He was in this for the media just as much as I was, it was a contract we had signed and though Christian had said I could back out at any time, I was sure there would be consequences if I did.

Not that I wanted to go back on Lando, or this fake relationship, or anything. Not that I knew why. Maybe it was just because I loved the feeling of being loved.

OLIVIAPIASTRI POSTED A NEW STORY! ↴

MAY 26TH -- MONACO

I was surprised when Max had brought me along with him and Charles for dinner at Charles' mothers house. Pascale was a sweetheart, doting over us and making sure we were all well fed and settled. I also had a chance to meet Charles' siblings, finally. Arthur and I realizing how much we had in common as we sat at the long dining table, easily cracking jokes about being the younger sibling in the same career as their older brother.

And the whole never being able to live up to their older siblings thing, but that was more undertones.

Maybe ten minutes into dinner, while I'm halfway through my fift glass of wine that night, Pascale asks, "So, Olivia, how is Lando? I've seen quite a bit about you two."

I laugh softly, setting down my fork as I explain softly, "He's a sweetheart. I've been with him for only a few months and it's really been bliss. This man won't let me buy anything on my own, won't let me open doors, gives me his jacket, texts me all the time, calls me all the time. He's doting over me twenty four hours of the day, it's really sweet. We're just not really saying anything on social media yet since it's still a pretty new relationship."

"And she says its not serious." Charles murmurs as he takes a sip from his wine, Max ends up whacking Charles on the back of the head as Pascale laughs into the back of her hand.

"Charles, I will kick you." I scowl, and immediately after Arthur jerks up and Charles shouts in complaint. I burst into giggles when I realize Arthur has done my work for me.

"Dude! Foutre le camp!" His sudden french makes me pause as I try to decipher what he said. Max is immediately laughing as Pascale reaches across the table to yank on her sons ear as she reprimands him and then reprimands Arthur, who is just out of arms distance thanks to me.

"Désolé, Maman." The Leclerc's echo and luckily the rest of dinner goes off without a round of complaints from their mother. But I can't stop thinking. I had been in this sort of spiral about liking Lando, and the drinks and telling myself I was just in love with what he was doing and the way it made me feel wasn't helping. And so, as I always do, I call my oldest sister.

MAY 26TH -- CALL BETWEEN OLIVIA AND OPHELIA↴

"Ophelia."

"Olivia?"

"I need advice."

"That's what I'm here for."

"You... okay, you can't tell Oscar any of this."

"Woah, this serious?"

"Yeah, uhm. So, the Lando stuff, it's... media shit. For McLaren and Red Bull. They want it to seem like Max and Lando don't like each other or something, I dunno. But we're fake dating for media."

"Oh."

"But I... I don't know something about it is bothering me. I... I can't shake it. I can't stop thinking about everything he's been doing, the gifts, the date--we kissed, like, really good and I... fuck. Am I stupid for thinking about this so much?"

"Do you like him, Ollie?"

"Well, yeah obviously. But I think I mostly like him because I like the way it feels to be loved. Like--"

"--Do you think of his actions or of him more?"

"Uhm..." "Him?"

"Ollie. Do you think you could be in love with him?"

"No! It's... its for media."

"You think about everything he does, and the kiss, and you like the way it feels to be loved."

"Yeah."

"He buys you flowers all the time, holds the doors for you, you constantly say he's the nicest guy you've ever met, you've already defended him in the siblings group chat and he's bought you a fucking Coach bag."

"Because of the media!"

"Buying you a Coach bag is not for the media! And Lando hates seafood, yet he took you to Seaspice because everyone knows you love seafood!"

...

"Olivia, look... [sigh], I've seen the photos posted and the way he looks at you, touches you, speaks with you, everything... he's in fucking love with you. Seriously, you cannot fake that. Unless he's an incredible actor, which--he's not. I've seen his interviews."

"Uh--"

"And you, missy. You're in the same boat! If you didn't like him the way you do, you wouldn't be calling me in a panic about this."

"What do you mean?"

"You love him. He loves you. Regardless of if you want it or not."

"Oh..."

"There it is."

"Oh. Fuck."

MAY 27TH -- MONACO

"That's Charles with p3, Lando with p2, and Max--again, with the p1 position!"

I was sitting cross legged, tapping my nails along the desk as I was working on saving all the data from Max's car from the race. Something was weird with his front suspension, but he managed to push through to the end. Lando almost got him in the last turn but at the cost of a spring and a shock, Max kept his position. Checo had done just as well, and Kylie next to me was uploading his data and happily chatting about how the race went with some of the other engineers before they all start getting up. I laugh softly, watching them as they start to cheer and clamber around.

"Olivia! Finish that up later, c'mon!" One of the engineers calls and I laugh, slipping off my chair as I shove my phone into my pocket and follow Kylie out of the garage. A crowd of engineers, analysts, and drivers moving in a group to celebrate the pole positions. I take my time, ending up with Oscar at some point as we cheer for all three racers. I can feel the cameras on me and it's starting to get a bit annoying. I just want to celebrate my friends, I had taken a back log role because I didn't want to deal with the fame of F2, F1, any motorsports as a whole. I was just as good as a racer as Oscar as a kid, but I knew what I would get into if I went with him. So I didn't.

And yet, somehow I still ended up here.

Max comes over to give me a hug, and I waste no time throwing my arms around him in congratulations. He laughs, squeezing me tight before stepping back as I whack his helmet three times, a little good luck thing we had started a while back.

"I'm killing you for breaking your shocks and like half the front suspension." I joke and he rolls his eyes, playfully whacking my arm as Oscar gives him a few slaps on the shoulder as he says congratulations.

"No, no, blame Lando." He says, and him saying the racers name has more cameras turn to us and Max's grimace lets me know I'm not doing well at hiding my annoyed face. He gives me a final hug as Lando appears to give Oscar and the rest of the McLaren team besides me hugs as Max turns to him.

"Let me pass you sometime!" Lando grins and the two share a quick hug to celebrate.

"Maybe next time, Norris!" Max grins, turning to the pull of Christian's voice, and I laugh as he's tugged into the arms of the engineers. Turning back to look at Oscar, I make eye contact with Lando, who (once I nod that it's fine) happily pulls me into his arms.

And I hate that that's when I hear the most camera shutters.

"Congratulations, Lando." I murmur into our tight hug. After a moment of quiet, he leans back and I smile at him, wholeheartedly, as I can see him smile as he squeezes my arms.

"Thanks, Ollie." We hold eye contact and I just smile before he squeezes my hands before coming up to pull of his helmet, "Hey, you're coming to the club tonight, right?"

"Yeah, of course." I say, holding a hand out to hold his helmet as he takes off his balaclava. Once he has it off, he keeps messing with his hair until I lift my own hand to his hair and run it through and fix it up. One of his hands falls to my waist, the other still holding his helmet as his eyes flutter shut.

"You need to get this trimmed." I murmur, and then he leans down to give me another hug as his breath is hot against my neck, his adams apple rumbling against my shoulder.

"Nah. If I get it cut then you can't run your hands through it anymore." He steps back when he's told he needs to go along to the podium and I hand him back his things, squeeze his hand three times, and then let him go off on his way.

"And you said it was never serious?" Oscar murmurs to me and I turn around and whack at him, telling him off in a sharp whisper as I sneer at him as the few McLaren employees around us laugh.

MAY 27TH-28TH -- JIMMY'S MONTE CARLO, MONACO

By the time Oscar and I make it to the back room of the club, the party is--and has been in full swing. He's pretty much immediately stolen from my side by Logan and Alex. So, I find the bar and get myself a vodka Red Bull to wash down my exhaustion and wake me up as I then slowly slink back to the room. I can see Charles and Max off to the side, Lewis dragging Daniel and Carlos along with him, and I send a half wave to Checo who raises his drink to me in a toast which I echo as I laugh, scanning the room and spotting the likes of Alonso, George, Lance, Pierre and Logan all off on their own tipsy adventures.

"There she is!" Two arms wrap around my waist and I squeal as Lando spins me around. Once he sets my feet down, he buries his face in the crook of my neck and he squeezes me in his arms. The conversation with Ophelia rings in my head--did I love him? And though I know I do, I try and swallow the feeling like the burn of the vodka in my throat.

I can't have Lando. No matter how much I want to have him.

"I told you I was coming, Norris." I laugh, turning in his grasp so I can give him a proper hug. He lets out a deep sigh against my chest before he leans back and grins, keeping his hands on my waist as I finish off my drink and set the cup on a nearby table.

"I know, but I'm glad you're here." He smiles, and I can smell the alcohol on his breath and grin when he pulls me a bit closer. I let him, even in the crowded club knowing everyone who knows of us will probably take photos. I let it happen because I know part of me wants the feeling of him loving me, even if its all a lie.

"C'mon, get another drink, lets celebrate." He murmurs under the music and I grin, taking him by the hand and going to the bar. I learn then its an open bar, and I happily order the most expensive shots I can, take three of them, and then order another heavily alcohol filled fruity drink. They put one of those cup covers on it, with a straw, and Lando brings me to the edge of the dance floor.

"Yo! Piastri!" someone shouts and I wave as Daniel drags over Max and Charles. Everyone seems hammered already, and in the moment I thank god for being a lightweight so I can catch up quickly. The shots already making my skin buzz.

"Dani, how are ya?" I ask, moving myself to the music a little. We talk, and even as we do I can't focus on anything other than Lando's hands on my waist as he holds me to his chest in the crowd. It's something so small, but just the way he's being protective of me makes my chest pound as I finish up my drink and set it on a nearby table.

"Come on, lets dance!" I say to the group, and while the others day they're fine, Lando lets me drag him onto the dance floor. I have no idea what song is playing, it's French, but the words could matter less. Lando's hands stay firm on my waist, when someone gets to close he moves us away, and when I turn and wrap my arms around his neck in a flirty, drunken haze, he leans down to pepper kisses to the corners of my mouth. My body is on fire, both form the warmth of the vodka and such in my chest, but from the feeling of the way his hands press lower on my waist and he drags me closer.

I don't know when we end up at the bar after dancing, but the next thing I remember is Lando sitting next to me on a stool as we take shots and eat chips given to us by the bartender who can definitely tell we're a little too drunk. I lean onto Lando's arm, gently tracing shapes as I listen to him talk about... something, I don't remember, his hand on my thigh warm and protective. He leans over to press a soft kiss to my lips, and I let him. His lips peck mine, then my cheeks, and then he presses in for a proper kiss. He slots there like he's meant to be, the hand on my thigh pulling me closer and one hand sliding down to grab the bottom of my chair and as he leans back from a kiss, he drags my chair closer.

My heart just about jumps to my throat as his hand lets go of the chair, ghosts the inside of my thigh and along my jugular as he drags his hand up to cup my chin, and he pulls me in by his thumb on my jaw for another round of deep kisses. One of my hands ends up tangling in his hair, and when Lando partially leans over me, my arm snakes across his shoulders with my nails dragging across the thing fabric of his shirt.

I would be embarrassed of the close contact if we weren't as drunk as we were and also in the back, dark corner of a bar.

When he presses in further, almost hungry, I lean back and press my hand to his chest as I try and catch my breath. He leans back finally, wiping lipstick off his lips with a tiny grin as he also tries to catch his breath with a sly smile.

"Woah there, casanova." I breathlessly tease and he whines. Literally whines. I am so fucked.

"C'mon, baby." He sighs and I press my hand to his mouth as he tries to snag another kiss and I let myself giggle, pulling him to my side with the arm tossed around his shoulder, peppering soft kisses to his hairline and the corners of his mouth.

"We should go back to the hotel." I whisper, and his eyes widen like dinner plates, nodding as he grabs my hands and pulls me up to my feet. We drunkenly giggle as we stumble outside the club and as I call a ride share on my phone, Lando keeps himself busy by playing with my hair and kissing along my shoulder and collarbones as he hums softly into my neck. When the car comes we seperate, for the sanity of the poor driver, but Lando keeps a firm hand on my thigh.

He always needs to be touching me, or holding me, I'm beginning to notice.

Once we're in the hotel, or moreso the elevator, Lando will not get off of me. It's almost comedic, soft kisses broken by laughs and my half-hearted complaints as I try and get us to his room, because I refuse to go back to my shared room with Oscar this shitfaced and in this predicament.

Once, finally, the hotel door is closed and locked behind us, I'm pushed back against Lando's wall as his hands find my waist. His breath fans over my face and my head is tilted up by his hand that covers my neck, his thumb pushing in to force my chin up so he can cover his lips with mine.

"You're everything." he whispers, breathless, one hand on my back pulling me closer. His fingers digging into my neck and back making my body arch and lean up into his touch.

"And so are you." I whisper back, his needy lips finding mine once more.

And then I wake up the next morning.

Groaning, I shield my face from the sun piercing my eyes with my arm as my phone rings somewhere beyond my grasp. I slowly sit up, blankets untangling from me as I slowly push them away and kick the blankets off my body. My head is pounding and I feel so sick, but I manage to find my phone somewhere on the floor. I get up, bending over to grab it as I adjust my dress to pull it back down and fix its collar. I must've fallen asleep wearing it and it got hiked up.

The call ends as I fix up my outfit, but before I can panic and try to call the number back, they do it for me. So I quickly press the answer button and press the phone to my ear as I rub at my tired face.

"Hello?" I grumble into the line, fighting off a yawn as I look around the hotel room. A suit jacket lays half open over a chair, my bag and shoes set neatly on a table nearby with my jewelry set on top of my purse with mens dress shoes kicked off in front of the desk.

"Olivia! Thank god," Oscar laughs, voice slightly crackly over the phone, "Where are you?"

"Uh--" I pause, turning around in my hungover haze to see Lando poke his head out of the bathroom. He must've woken up before me, and the towel wrapped around his still wet waist tells me he just got out of the shower.

I slowly realize I don't remember anything after we got in this room, and my stomach twists as I speak softly to Oscar on the phone, "...Lando's..."

Oscar's quiet for a few moments, I can hear someone behind him shouting, and then he hums, "Ah... okay, uh, just come back to the room before two?"

"Yeah, yeah I will be." Lando and I are still holding half awkward eye contact, and I click my tongue when Oscar's quite for a while, "Okay... uhm, bye?"

"Bye."

As soon as Oscar hangs up, Lando and I continue to stare at each other for a few moments, before I ask, "do you remember last night?"

"No. I was hoping you would." He laughed softly. When my silence meets him, he pauses mid shake of his wet hair against his towel, lifting his head to look at me properly, "do you?"

I shake my head and then move into the bathroom to stand besides a still not dressed Lando. With a tilt of his head, he looks me over as he speaks softly, "I have spare clothes if you wanna shower before you go back to your room?"

I nod to him, my mouth dry as the realization we might have done more than I wanted to think of crosses my mind. Lando hands me a spare towel, and I hear him rustling in his suitcase as I pull my hair back. There's very faint hickeys along my collarbones I can assume are from Lando, from what bits and pieces of the club I remember. I know they'll get darker, and my lipstick is smeared along my face and my jawline, in lip prints I know don't match mine, so they have to be his.

"Here." Lando says, making me jump as he snaps my focus back from staring at my hickeys.

"Sorry," He grimaces and I say its fine as he hands me a change of clothes and I softly thank him as he steps back and closes the bathroom door. I take off my dress, look at my body and find a few more marks a bit deeper down my chest and am taken over by a sort of full body cringe when I notice one or two marks along my thighs.

Did we fucking sleep together?

I turn the shower on, stepping in as soon as I can get my undergarments off of me (thankful I'm still wearing them), and let the water wash sweat off my skin as I use the hotel soaps to clean myself off and wash my hair. I catalog each part of my body, and luckily come to the conclusion we had not slept together... at least fully. I can never really know how far we went if neither of us remember it, but at least it seems we didn't make too big of a mistake.

When I dry off, I hear Lando say he's running down to the lobby to grab us waters and that he'll be back. In a bit of a panic, I throw on his clothes, grab my dress and shoes, and rush back to my room while he's still out. Oscar lets me in, stuttering as he follows my quick rush through the room. He sits on the edge of his bed, watching as I throw my stuff in my suitcase.

"So--"

"--Do not, ever, mention this to anyone."

"Woah, okay, okay!" Oscar holds his hands up, "I wont. But uhm... you..."

"Nothing happened." I stand, turning back to look at Oscar, "we were just drunk and he wanted me to get home safe."

"If something did or didn't isn't any of my business, you're an adult, and honestly I'd rather not know anything about my sisters sex life, no offense. But... uh, Ollie? Why do you seem so... worried? ...Nervous, is kinda a better word for it." Oscar places a hand on my back as he comes to stand next to me as I pause and stand up to look over at him.

Sighing, I can tell he's dancing around a question, his hands fidget and he ends up rubbing my back slightly as he looks over at me and gnaws his lip. There's a long pause before he hesitates to ask, "Did he do something?"

"No, God no, Oscar." I exclaim, running a hand through my still wet hair, "I just... woke up feeling sick and you know how I get with sickness."

"Ah, right." Oscar steps back, wringing his hands and swallowing, "Uhm. Sorry for being weird about it."

"You're my brother Ossie, I'm expecting you to be a bit protective." I sigh, "But it's nothing. I promise."

"If it--God forbid, is something, please... tell me."

"I will."

I can't.

01 JUNE - SPAIN

Ada, Astrid, Christian, Andrea and Zak corral me and Lando into a random hotel room in Spain. I had kinda been expecting this to happen, because there was no way they hadn't noticed we had immediately become incredibly awkward around each other.

So they lock us in a bedroom, like we're kids in timeout, and tell us to figure it out.

"If you were worried we slept together," I start with after maybe ten minutes of silence, swallowing hard as I cross my arms over my chest, "we didn't."

"Okay, thank god. I thought we did something and you were gonna hate me forever." He sighs, running a hand through his hair, "I didn't mean to push it with you. Drunk Lando kinda doesn't know when to slow down. I also wanted to make sure you got home safe, and when you said that we should go back I think drunk me got extremely excited."

He's so much like a puppy, talking with his head down almost like his tail was tucked, and I can't help but let out a slow sigh.

"I didn't exactly stop you either, I kinda enjoyed it, dare I say," I rubbed my hands together, before muttering, "I should've talked to you then and not run out. I...that was shitty of me, I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry, you had every right to be freaked out, I was freaked out too." He sighs, leaning back in his chair as I tap my toes and then start to giggle at just the absolute obscurity of our situation.

"What?" Lando says and I sigh, leaning back and looking up at the ceiling.

"We are so... what are we doing? We're literally fake dating for the media teams for the companies we work for, and...Monaco? We got so into the whole fake dating thing, we literally ended up like that." I giggle. Though Lando laughs along, I sense a sort of bitterness in his tone, and I note it spoils when I say 'we got so into the whole fake dating thing' and so I quiet down. Maybe he didn't want to talk about the fake dating thing at all.

"Look, lets just go back to what we've been doing. It doesn't have to be awkward, we made a mistake, we can't change it." Lando says and I nod, watching the way his adam's apple bobs as he speaks, then I look away when he notices me watching him.

"Yeah." I say, then look back at him, "Let's just go back to normal."

When I get back to the Red Bull garage, I can't help but keep thinking of Lando and everything that had happened. I had this huge stupid crush on this guy who probably, as far as I was aware, wanted nothing to do with me in that sense. We only ever kissed when we were tipsy or blackout drunk, so that didn't do much to solidify any feelings that he actually liked me like I liked him. So, I end up burying my head in my arms and sitting with one knee up to my chest and close my eyes and groan. I hadn't expected anyone to be around, until someone sits next to me and I peek over to see Max.

"What happened to you?"

"Nothin'." I grumble, hiding my face again.

"Something happened, because the last time you sat like this in Red Bull was when your ex tried to date Oaklynn." Max hums, rubbing a warm hand across my shoulders and I groan, whacking his arm half-heartedly.

"Don't remind me, that was so fucking stupid." I murmur into my sleeve, kicking at Max under the table, and he yelps in complaint.

"Mon cher!" A voice shouts from the other end of the garage, and why Charles is here is beyond me before he pauses behind Max and clicks his tongue, "why do you look so upset?"

"She won't say." Max turns around to look at Charles who hums, and then I see he sets down some coffees on a table nearby before coming to lean opposite of me on the table.

"Hey, Piastri." He whispers, "Piastri. Hey. Ollie, Olls, Oliver, Olivia, Liv, Livy, Liver--"

"I think she gets the point." Max laughs, swatting at Charles, before poking my arm, "Are you gonna tell me whats wrong?"

"I'm fine." I sit up, sighing heavily as I lean forward on the table and snap, "you guys are fucking dramatic."

"Woah!" Max puts his hands up with wide eyes and Charles gasps sharply as he stands up from the table, pointing at me.

"Hey! We are not!"

"Then leave me alone!" I stand up, moving away to the office I used in the Spa garage and slammed my door a bit too hard. I groan and toss myself down into my chair and bury my head in my hands. Trying to shake Lando out of my head is impossible when the bundle of flowers he'd bought me for the paddocks here is sitting in the trash can by my feet, and this time three heads poke into my office.

"Ay, what did you do now?"

"Does Ferrari not want their drivers at all?!" I shout, lifting my head to see Carlos poking his head out from the doorway with both Charles and Max besides him.

"No, now what happened, cariño?"

"Nothing! Literally nothing!" I groan, "I just--it's nothing."

"Ah! It's something!" Max points and Carlos steps into the office and crosses his arms as he looks around. It doesn't take him long to notice the flowers, which he points at as he turns back to Max and Charles.

"She threw out Lando's flowers. Trouble in paradise." He says.

"What did Lando do?!" "What did he do? I'll beat his--"

"Oh my god! Enough, all three of you! Go, shoo! Bye! Adios! Au revoir! Doei! Buh-bye! Ciao! Get the fuck out!" I wave them out, pushing them before I shut and lock my office door, pressing my back to it and groaning as I slide down to sit.

Thirty minutes later, when I'm halfway through a report, someone knocks at the door.

"Who is it?!" I shout, lifting my head up from my laptop.

"Oscar."

Seriously? They had to get Oscar involved?

"Come in." I say, and then he jiggles the lock twice as if to emphasize the fact that the door was still locked from after I kicked out the previous trio of drivers trying to figure out what was wrong.

"Hold on." I sigh, standing up and walking over to unlock the offices door to let Oscar into the room. As soon as he's walking in, I pace back to my desk as I ripped out my ponytail and threw it back up messily as the room felt hot even with two fans going on me. I knew it was because of my stress from work and Lando's bullshit, and also, just because of the abnormal high heat in Spain this season.

"You threw out his flowers." Oscar comments as he shuts and locks the door, making his way over to sit on the edge of my desk. I hum in response and he sighs, looking over me with a careful look before he lifts a hand to card through my hair as he mutters, "talk to me, Ollie."

"It's nothing." I sigh as my eyes flicker up to look at him, "Just work."

"Ollie, this isn't how you act after work stresses you out. And this weird attitude has been going on since Saudi, so don't try and act like it's nothing." Oscar crosses his arms as he slips off my desk to walk aimlessly through my small office, "You've been distracted, all giggly and happy when we're racing or doing anything with it, but the second we get far away from it you get all spacey. Especially since the last night in Monaco. It's like you've been stuck in your head since you started dating Lando."

"Ossie..."

"No! Stop--" He pinches his nose as he whips around to face me, pausing when he notices I jump, "Olivia. What is going on with you? What has been happening this whole season? What has Lando done?"

"He hasn't done anything!" I shout, "Stop, oh my god."

"Really? Because he hasn't been able to look me in the eye since Monaco! And I don't know if its just because I still see you as my baby sister, but I'm starting to get a little fuckin' worried. It's not a good sign when the guy your sister is dating won't make eye contact with you, especially if he's one of your closest friends."

There's a pause and I groan, saving my work before burying my head in my hands, "I can't tell you."

"Olivia. What did he do?"

"He didn't do anything other than what we've been told to fucking do, because--" I stand to match my brother, watching as he steps back from the desk to give me space, "Listen, you can't repeat this."

"Why?"

"I signed a contract, a partial NDA."

"Partial NDA?"

"Just listen," I whine and Oscar nods, before I spill everything to him. From Christian's office in Bahrain, all the way to a few hours before in the random hotel room. I tell him every feeling, every thought, every decision that had been made by Red Bull and McLaren's media teams. Everything I felt for Lando, the way my heart fluttered and buttflies filled my stomach, and the way I felt so stupid because I fell in love with a guy I couldn't have even if I wanted it so bad.

Oscar is quiet for a while after I finish, and I slowly sink down to my seat and bury my head in my hands once more as I snip, "Do you see why?"

"Zak and Andrea agreed to this?" Is his first question, "No, sorry, this was their idea?"

"Partially."

"What the fuck. Okay, so, they're having you and Lando date to prove that Lando and Max hate eachother?" His voice is sharper than I've ever heard. Oscar's always been quiet, respectful, and even if I've seen him behind closed doors, I've never seen him like this.

"Yep." Is all I can muster in sarcastic response.

Oscar turns, and laughs with this look of absolute incredulity, "What the fuck does Max have to do with you?"

"I don't even know!" I shout and start laughing, hiding my face in my hands, "I don't even know, Oscar. Like? Is it because I'm close with Max outside of racing?"

"I mean, you are like one of the only non-racers who hangs out with us outside of the races." Oscar shrugs, sitting next to me on my desk and carding through my hair as he lets me rest my forehead against his thigh, "but...I just can't believe you both agreed to this. I can't believe how quickly you both did."

"They didn't threaten me, but it felt kinda..."

"It felt forced because they're your bosses and you don't wanna lose your job."

"Yep."

Oscar sighs, then pokes my nose, "Look, as long as he's not hurting you, I don't care what you do. But this is kinda stupid. Are you really fake dating him?"

I nod.

"Like, you both don't have actual romantic feelings for eachother and are just doing this for the money?" I hesitate to nod and Oscar laughs, "I love you, Ollie, I do, but you're such a shit liar and Lando can't hide his emotions for shit. You both clearly like eachother."

"We have to look like we like eachother for media--"

"You are so in denial! I see it in your eyes!"

"Oh, but you have room to talk, Mr. Oscar 'Heart Eyes' Piastri?"

"Hey!"

16 JUNE, CANADA

OLIVIAPIASTRI POSTED A NEW STORY! ↴

OLIVIAPIASTRI POSTED A NEW POST ↴

oliviapiastri: a wonderful weekend for my boys <3 love u all sm

ferawri: HER BOYS??? HER BOYS?? HERS???

redbwings: lando has been posted above max everyone, rb fans everywhere lose </3

oscarpiastri: didnt even post a podium pic of my face

oliviapiastri: i still work for rb regardless of how much u drag me to mclaren

landonorris: and i still cannot believe u chugged both of those redbulls

oliviapiastri: im fuckin CRAZYYYY

oaklynnpiastri: she does that quite often

maxverstappen: the flowers...

charlesleclerc: the way i was just about to comment something

charlesleclerc: @ carlossainz come look

carlossainz: omg no more trouble in paradise guys :D!

oliviapiastri: i'm never letting u guys into my office again ( @ scuderiaferrari come get ur drivers from the rb paddock before i kill them pretty pls <3 )

scuderiaferrari: RUNNING!!!

LANDONORRIS POSTED A NEW POST↴

landonorris: thank u canada, see u soon GB. I'm coming for p1.

oliviapiastri: AND U DIDNT SEND ME THAT PICTURE U BITCH

landonorris: SORRY I TOOK IT LIKE TWO SECONDS BEFORE POSTING !!!!!

maxverstappen: never gonna happen

landonorris: im gonna crashgate you max

oscarpiastri: MEDIA TRAINING LANDO MEDIA TRAINING!!!

landonorris: I AM NOT GOING TO CRASHGATE THIS. LEGALLY THAT WAS A JOKE.

mclaren: someone come get our drivers pls.

roscoefanacc: so he posts olivia.... strange man.

opheliapiastri: @ oaklynnpiastri look.

oaklynnpiastri: ✍✍✍

oscarpiastri: pls help me u two

opheliapiastri: skill issue.

liked by oaklynnpiastri, landonorris

carlossainz: go lando go

-

Somehow I end up with Daniel, Carlos, Charles, Max, and Lando in Oscar and I's hotel room. I've got probably six hundred dollars in drinks alone spread throughout the room, and I'm half laying in Lando's lap as Oscar recounts some story from back home. And as I take a sip of my drink, Lando comments to the story of Oscar's ex-girlfriend,

"Better than what Ollie and I are doing."

I spit the drink out, luckily into the glass and turn around to whack him while he shouts complaints, "Hey! You told all your siblings, we can tell these guys!"

"We aren't supposed to tell anyone!" I complain, laying back on him lap and jabbing my nail into his thigh, causing him to yelp in complaint.

"So, what are you guys doing?" Carlos asked, taking a good sized gulp of his drink, and once I've sworn a room full of drunk men to secrecy or castration, Lando and I indulge them in the truth fo our relationship. It goes like some sort of sports play-by-play, like we're the stars and they're the announcers, calling out everything they can think of.

"Wait, wait--so what happens if they find out you're telling people?" Daniel asks, eyes still wide in realization and I shrug.

"We probably lose a cut of the money we would've made off this whole stunt." Lando hums, "but honestly, money or not, this whole experience has been a lot of fun. Olivia's good company."

"So all the heart eyes I see you two shoot at each other are fake? How the hell are you so convincing!" Charles exclaims and both Carlos and Max back him up. I can't offer a proper explanation, so I just shrug and laugh. The conversation carries us through the time everyones leaving, other than Lando who had decided finishing a bottle of Bacardi by himself was a good idea and was now laying face first on the floor. I wasn't too far behind him, but able to make myself look sober enough to bid our friends goodbye at the door.

Max catches my arm before he leaves, phone on call with Kelly loosely in his other hand as he speaks softly, "Please don't feel like you have to date Lando because of this whole thing. Christian gave you a way out if you need it."

"We'll be okay." I laugh softly, looking back at sleepy Lando, who Oscar's trying to coax onto the couch where he might be a bit more comfy.

"Well, if anything, know you two at least sell everything really well." He grins and then Carlos and Charles are giggling and dragging him away as I wave goodbye and shut and lock the door. Lando has ended up on my bed, on top of everything we had been packing, and I tell Oscar it's good enough and that we can move Lando later when he's more awake.

But Oscar and I just get drunker throughout the night, so I dont think he ever gets moved.

OLIVIAPIASTRI POSTED A NEW STORY! ↴

THIS STORY HAS BEEN DELETED.

taglist:

@harrysdimple05 @charli123456789 @fangirl125reader

[vanwritesfan-fiction]

Jack Harlow: “don’t tell me you’re having nightmares again”

"Hello?"

You struggled to get your first word out, surprised when Jack picked the phone up on the first ring. "Hello?", he asked again, when you didn't say anything.

"Sorry, I thought you'd be sleep already. Didn't think you'd answer the phone, actually." You weren't sure why you were calling Jack. Your relationship had run its course, and after a year of dating, you could honestly say you were working to be friends afterwards, a true rarity in your dating life, and most days, you felt like you had moved on.

Still, there were some nights where you were painfully lonely and missed his touch and the sound of his voice.

Tonight was the first time you actually got the courage to do something about your feelings, but really hadn't thought through much of the plan besides selecting his contact in your phone and hitting the call button.

"Everything okay?" You could tell from his groggy voice that he was tired, a tone you recognized very well. He was always moving, his career was very demanding, and it was one of the reasons you decided to end things. You just couldn't keep up, and after a couple of months of trying, you realized you just didn't want to.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. How are you?" Jack was quiet as he stroked at his beard. The pain in his chest he felt as you spoke took his breath away. He missed you a lot more than he would ever admit to you or anyone else, and he was worse for wear after your relationship ended.

The breakup was not his decision, and in fact, he would have fought harder to keep you, but when you told him your reasoning, he thought it better to let you go then let his pride get in the way.

Instead, he let it eat him up inside, a lot of sleepless nights and isolation behind and in front of him.

He wanted to scream, cry, tell you how much he missed and loved you, but instead, he put on a fake smile, knowing he had to make this a convincing lie. "I'm good. Thanks for asking."

"Sorry, were you sleeping? I know its late." You pulled your phone from your ear to check the time. It was after midnight in Louisville.

"No, I don't do a lot of that lately", Jack let out a humorless chuckle, raking a hand through his messy curls.

"Don't tell me you're having nightmares again." You would never forget the nights you laid next to Jack as he whimpered through one of the many nightmares he had. It broke your heart every time, and you wanted to help, but he always brushed you off when you brought it up, telling you not to worry.

"Okay, I won't." Jack didn't even bother to fake a laugh, as he didn't find any humor in the topic.

"I'm here if you want to talk about it." You dug your nails into your thigh to stop yourself from pressing any further. Now that you weren't together anymore, you had even less of a right to ask him about something so personal.

"No offense, but I know you didn't call to talk about my sleeping habits", Jack said in jest, earning a small giggle from you.

You let out a sigh. There were so many things you wanted to say, but it felt too little, too late. "You're right, Jack, I didn't call about that." You hung your head, resting your elbows on your thighs.

Jack was quick to fill the silence. He'd had enough of that lately and it was killing him. "Is something wrong? You can tell me if there is." He paused, this time letting the silence consume him, with nothing else to say.

"Jack, I still love you."

The words came out faster than your brain could catch up, and you immediately regretted them. You hung up the call in a moment of regret, tossing your phone on the bed. You clamped a hand over your mouth as you felt yourself begin to hyperventilate.

"I still love you too, baby." Jack confessed to the dial tone, closing his eyes as he felt them start to sting with tears.