#like rn i should be working and i am working and then i'm gonna study and then i'll keep studying bc the exams are endless and so are the pr

[sschmendrick]

Gotta write a production report for two songs we recorded and I'm gonna have to do at least a third of it for a group of 6 after having done about half of the recording and editing work for one of these two projects...all that cause I still haven't found an internship so I can't just say : do it without me.

It's a little exhausting. I know they will work if I really push them but they'll do it super late and I'll have to revise it when I get back home from the small concert I've allowed myself to go instead of my portuguese lesson (brazilian artist so it's all good my teacher said, I still feel bad) and I'll have to run around tomorrow morning to print it and I'll assume the cost again.

It's...yeah it's exhausting. And my thesis is so far behind, and I still have no internship. I wanna keep strong but man that diploma is slipping away from me. I'm not even sure I have good enough grades at my exams now !

[magentagalaxies]

girl help how do i prioritize (not actually asking for advice just ranting). i have a performance tomorrow that's technically part of my final but also the Events of the last week on campus it's technically optional. but that being said i really want to be memorized for that performance and put the time in to make it really good bc even if it isn't graded it's still an opportunity for me to test out new aubrey material (and i'm definitely gonna film it and send it to bellini). i have to turn in a "final" for my independent study which is just my way to get credit for the buddy cole doc, but that final is editing a ten minute piece out of my tour footage and because of the Events i think i will get more grace if it's not a great edit but i need to turn something in by wednesday. i have a final for my history class that's just a presentation and i've already made the powerpoint and researched so i'm confident i can improvise (it's fairly low stakes) BUT i still have to do a quiz for my history class that was due last week but i somehow missed and i haven't been able to get to it bc stressed about finals and also the Events but since it was assigned before the Events i don't think i'll get the same grace as post-Events assignments, and this quiz is worth like 10% of my grade so i need to turn something in like even tho i currently have an A in that class and Cs get degrees i still don't know what grade i'll get on my final so better safe than get a zero on the quiz but i have no motivation since it's not a final like the rest of my stuff (even if the aubrey thing is lowkey not graded??? even before the Events that class had a unique grading system so i already know i've got an A in that class regardless this is just like an optional showcase). and i also have a zoom with bruce tomorrow for the buddy cole doc which i'm very excited for but also will have to plan around the amount of hours in the day i have left to get things done lmao

anyway it's wild being in finals week bc half of me is like "i just wanna go hoooome alreadyyyy" but the other half is like "holy fuck there is too much to do i need an extra week to get it all done"

but anyway less than a week from today i'm gonna be done with my penultimate semester of college (graduating in december!!!) and i have literally zero plans for the months of may and june rn so like. i know i'm going to get incredibly bored super quickly but like one of my favorite inspirational quotes is that tumblr post that was like "in two weeks you will have different problems" and yeah that sure is true

[aphroditelovesu]

Hii! This is anonymous for privacy reasons but I have a problem. I am a 15yo girl, I am gonna have a realy important exam this sunmer that will decide my entire future yet I only got 84% on the simulation from last month and I need to get at least over 93% on the actual exam at the end of the month or my life is screwed(I hate my school system). I have 0 motivation to study and ik I really need to but whenever I try to force mynself to actually study I just end up crying bc I feel like a failure. Also, I am bi and since my parents are conservative christians and EXTREAMLY homophobic they will deffinetly kick me out of the house if I came out to them and I think one of my friends who I belive might have found out about my sexuality will tell my parents(I also went thro a rough time due to bullying and told her about my suicidal toughts and she told everybody about it, teachers, parents, classmates and made fun of me). My country is one of the most homophobic ones.I feel like if I get a good mark on the exam I would be able to come out to my parents(maybe) without them killing me but idk how to make sure of either of thores things. I have worked this whole year yet nothing is enough to actually make me understand better. I am so tired rn and I cant stop crying, do you have any advise for me, please?

Hi!!

Well, I didn't expect to receive something like that, but I'll try to give my advice.

Regarding the exam, what I can tell you is not to give up and try to find a study system that helps you. I understand this because in November I have a very important government exam to take and I need to get a high score too. This will be my first year doing it (and I hope it will be my last) and I haven't started studying yet because I have classes in the morning and at night, which means I don't have much time left.

From what you say, you seem to be stressed about all this, so studying is more complicated. What I can tell you is to try to find a place where you feel comfortable and find a study method that helps you. Studying is tiring and we often don't have motivation, I know, but it's necessary and remember that knowledge is something that no one can take away from you.

Since you live with your parents, there isn't much you can do about your "friend" issue. No one has the right to force someone to come out of the closet and that is very wrong. You could try talking to her, to make sure she doesn't say it until you're ready to say it. Unfortunately, this is out of your control, as it will depend on whether your "friend" is a decent person and lets you talk when you're ready.

Having homophobic parents is a complicated thing and I feel for you, especially when it involves religion. The question is: do you want to tell them you're bi? Do you think you're ready for this? If the answer is no, don't tell them until you want to. It's important to feel prepared.

I'm sorry about the bullying issue. I know how difficult it is, I dealt with it myself from the age of 8 until I was 16 but I had support from my family and friends. If not even your teachers are willing to help you, perhaps you should seek outside help. I don't know how it works in other countries, but here, if the school refuses to help, you can file a police report. Bullying is a crime, anon.

And remember to take care of yourself and put yourself first. I know it's difficult and it seems like the end of the world, but it's not. Things will get better, anon, even if it seems like they won't, they will. Have strength and focus on what is important to you now.

I can't be of much help, unfortunately, but I really hope things get better for you and that you get the grade you want! 🥰

[love-kurdt]

wip (what is poppin') wednesday

from chapter 2 of ntwdt >:) this fucking document is 37 pages long rn. to put that into perspective, the entirety of TIMT adds up to 37 pages. and i'm only on part 2 of 4. i think i've gone mad

“We’ve been here for, what,” I checked my watch, just to verify how long we’d been seated in the diner booth, “four and a half hours? And I still barely know anything about you!”

Matt chuckled. “Well, we’ve gotta finish the ten things about you, first!”

“Not my fault you keep distracting me.”

I could hear the grin spreading across his face as he teased, “I’m distracting, now, am I?”

“You are,” I admitted.

Matt narrowed his eyes and stroked his chin in feigned suspicion. “Interesting.”

“Okay,” I took a deep breath, pushing the conversation forward before I got too flustered and lost my train of thought once again. “So… Hawkins, Jonathan, D&D, books, my major, singing, alcohol, my father, Dustin–”

“Dustin doesn’t count,” Matt said.

“He does, too!” I insisted, letting a little bit of my inner child seep through the cracks.

“Fine,” Matt relented with a slight eye roll, “But only because I like you.”

Well, that was very forward of him. It wasn’t too out of pocket, given the fact that I’d literally made out with him not even ten minutes into knowing his name, but listening to a guy openly admitting his romantic feelings for me without any form of hesitation was something I had yet to get used to. I spent years hiding my own feelings, and Mike… fuck Mike. “I like you, too,” I heard myself say.

“… And that’s ten.”

“Wait really?” I shook my head in confusion. “What was ten?”

“That you’re into me.”

“Oh,” I said with a slight eye roll at my own stupidity, “Yeah. I guess that was ten things.”

“And that’s my number one. I like you,” he nudged my foot with his under the table with a smirk, “I have severe ADHD, I have a dog back home named Swayze— he’s a pomeranian. I’m a sophomore material studies major because I can’t make decisions to save my life. I have a passion for writing and have this dream of writing and illustrating my own stories someday–”

“Woah, wait, me too!” I interrupted, and Matt’s eyes lit up in surprise.

“Wait, you write as well?”

How to Explain The Status of Your Co-Writing Relationship with Your Ex-Best Friend Who You Were in Unrequited but Not Actually Unrequited Love With Without Mentioning His Name for Dummies would’ve been pretty useful right about now. “Well… no. I used to work on silly comic books with some of my old friends, but I only illustrated. Someone else did the writing.”

“Cool,” Matt nodded in approval.

“I have no idea what's gonna happen next. But, whatever it is, I... I think we should work together. I think it'll be easier if we're... we're a team. Friends. Best friends.”

“Cool.” 

“Cool.”

“So, uh—” Fuck, I hadn’t even realized I’d spaced out. “That was five, right?” Matt asked me, and I nodded, taking a sip of my Diet Coke. How long did I dissociate for? This hadn’t happened to me in months.

[beesfairlyland]

hi bee, i'm sorry for the vent, but i just really need to get this out. i've been into concepts since like... 2016 i think? first loattraction, then loassumption, and now non dualism. i used all of these to "get something" yes, even nd. sure, when i learned about nd i let go of desiring, but in the end i still do "want" to have "my" desired life as a human/"ego". i've been doing everything i read for nd, letting go of all labels, thoughts, etc. and it's been going well, but recently i've started worrying again. everything i did when i was still into both loa's changed absolutely nothing/didn't work for me (i've never "manifested" anything in these almost 8 years), so i'm worried about being stuck as a this human that i do not want to be at all forever. i'm worried about not stripping labels and letting go "good enough" and i'm worried that everyone on here is just feeding me lies about this freedom and liberation. do you have any advice for this? i'm just so desperate to stop identifying with the ego (and an ego i don't like being at that)

Heya hun!💗

It's okayy don't be sorry....i understand sometimes it get's soo frustrating that we need to take it out. I feel you I've been here too before.

Take a deep breathe and calm down. Ik it sucks being stuck in a loop of trying and trying again, in a loop of desiring. But baby you have to understand that Non dualism is not a method, ik you know this too. And uk it's okay if you wanna have your desires (more of beautiful experiences) , may be it's just you are not ready yet to KNOW yourSELF and that's totally fine. There's nothing to hurry about, nowhere to reach. Have some rest. Don't beat yourself up. Okay?

First things first i want you to KNOW that the experiences that you wanna have are nothing special. They are YOU. And Everything that this ego can think of it is already here. It's your choice what you wanna experience.

Rn you are aware of desiring things, from lack. Im not asking you to do nothing, ik it's just gonna make you anxious. Just bare with me hear me out (it's gonna go out of nd perspective). I want you to drop the idea of getting something. If you want to, first feel every shitty emotion you want to. Cry it out. Let it all out. If you wanna cry for whole day, go ahead. But after that, you won't go back to being aware of those feelings. Ofc you'll have thoughts but just don't entertain them. Not yours so they can get lost. Don't give feeling to that thought. And no you don't have to act like you have what you wanna experience, you have to KNOW that this dream gonna change for good. And that's inevitable. I want you to tap into your non dual state aka void state. But this time you are not putting it on a pedestal. I suggest you to read my post and Know what *void* actually is:

And if you don't wanna meditate....you can try lucid dreaming. And it can be beneficial to make you understand that you are not this mind-body. I lucid dream and it's soo fun. Go ahead and give it a try. Just KNOW that you can do it.

Remember it's all gonna be alright. It's destined. you came across all this knowledge for a reason.

Ik i am a non dualism blogger soo i should just stick to that. But ik where you coming from and me giving you more pointers, asking you to go within won't do any good to you. And im here to help you guys. Giving you some motivation about not giving up wouldn't do any good to you atleast in this situation.

Hope i could help you a lil bit! If you wanna ask something else feel free to send in an ask!

-love, bee🐝💗

[stormyoceans]

Monica I'm really scared. It's ep 11 next week. We haven't got Mork crying. (Sam mentioned to me that we haven't even gotten the day bawling scene from the trailer?) This eye donation thing seems a little bit too happy and hopeful for an ep 11.

I know this sounds bad but I really hope day doesn't regain his sight. Because everything the series built up about how blind people also are able to experience this world will all go down the drain. And some part of me knows p'aof will not do that. But then. It's so cruel. To give Day the eyes, the hope of vision just to yank it back so heartlessly. It's so mean. I am scared for next Friday monica.

i feel like i should probably wait to answer you because rn the episode is still too fresh in my mind and i don't have the emotional detachment necessary to be, if not positive, at least not utterly and embarrassingly overdramatic about this but. my mood really flipped a whole 180 degrees because of that ending and ngl. im not doing too well ;;;;;;;

FAIR AMOUNT OF NEGATIVITY UNDER THE CUT I ALREADY APOLOGIZE FOR IT

the thing is. i don't think the surgery next episode is gonna be successful, but i still so deeply dislike this eye donation plotline regardless of how it's gonna end because what's the point of it? if the surgery is successful and day gets his sight back, then it's gonna defeat the entire message of the show. if the surgery fails and day remains blind, then it just feels completely purposeless since he didn't need this to accept his disability and learn that he can still have a fulfilling life: he had already accepted this at songkhla, and it was perfect. honestly the only reason i can think of for them to go down this road is to have the surgery be unsuccessful now, only to end the series with day getting it again after some years and this time working out to show that 'you should never give up hope'. and i can't even begin to explain just how much that wouldn't sit right with me. and i mean i don't have a disability so i obviously don't have any right to say this, but still

not to mention that i actually still feel like those two moments with day and mork crying that we have yet to see are both related to the two of them breaking up because mork doesn't feel like he can take care of day, so they're gonna make him leave until he can prove to day's mom that he can provide for day. which is another thing i would hate

i just don't understand why would they choose all of this when, instead, p'aof could have had mork and day figuring out their future TOGETHER and BOTH trying to prove to day's mom that they can take care of EACH OTHER. like the show made such a point of making day become more independent and empowered but now they're not allowing him to be. i wanna see him walking outside alone with a cane, i wanna see him go back to school and finish his studies, i wanna see him open up his little bookstore while mork works as a cook. it can still happen, i guess, but i still wish it would have been given more focus

im also the kind of dramatic person who can't be like 'at least we have the first 9 episodes, they were perfect and nothing can ruin them'. unfortunately that's not enough for me. unfortunately i need them to stick the landing or it WOULD ruin the entire show for me. and not being able to get back to it and find comfort in morkday would honestly be heartbreaking for me. and you know, obviously the message and the representation of the show is the most important part in this, but also i would be lying if i said i didn't want to have a damn DVD box set of a jimmysea series to actually hold and enjoy since we won't ever have one for vice versa, but what would be the point of buying the last twilight one if i dislike the ending

ANYWAY. im really sorry ismay, i ended up ranting because i needed to vent but im afraid im only making you feel worse with this ;;;;;;; maybe after i sleep on it i will be a bit more optimistic about this but. im really scared too ;;;;;;; for what is worth im holding your hand and im here for you whatever is gonna happen

[silveraura]

Join the party campaign 2 ending spoilers

(I know it's been out for a while, but I'm also behind, so the spoiler warning is just in case)

Alright yesterday I finally finished listening to JTP campaign 2 and it made me tear up. So a little context to my day: I had just been hit with a rent increase and me and my housemate realised our basic rent is higher than we thought (and now even higher), so we won't be getting any rent allowence from the government after my birthday like we thought. Basically, it was a huge dissapointment and made me want to cry about capitalism.

So then I go do other stuff and start listening to the final bits of the finale episode. (Insert obligatory "what the fuck Eric?", but like, lovingly, because it was so good). Multitool makes the ultimate sacrifice, and asks for people to be able to do what they want without having to worry about earning enough to live. I feel a lump in my throat. That's a beautiful wish if I ever heard one, and my god do I want to not worry about rent rn.

Eric plays a scene between two people in a grocery store. It's so simple, yet it makes me wish to live in that world so much. The symbolism of the stretched out hand makes me tear up. I have so many things I want to do and a big source of worry and stress is money. I'm not even doing bad, I'm fine. If necessary I could even lean on my parents, that would just be complicated. It's just that every soul in my body wants to reject capitalism. I don't understand the economy (and barely want to) and investing. I have student debt and the safest way to get myself out of that after my studies is to keep working in this field, even if I am currently much more motivated about my dreams of writing books and doing art than my studies.

I know some people are gonna read this and think I'm acting like a child, and I should suck it up. It's not that bad, I don't have much to complain about. And they're right, in a way. I live in a world where I can escape to others, like the worlds of Join the Party, and honestly it helps me cope. But every now and then these fantasy worlds become so idealistically reachable but realistically fantastical that it hurts. It's not an insane farfetched idea to have universal basic income. But it feels terrifying to hope to transform the current systems of the world so much to allow for something so nice, because most things don't promise we're heading in that direction. As a gen z young adult I can barely dream of owning a house in the future, because our current housing market would have to annihilate itself will I ever get the chance to buy anything that permanent at all.

Anyway, long post, many thoughts, some tears. The conclusion is that I love Join the Party and they make me keep wishing for a better world. I'm not a pessimistic person, just some days the world hits me in the face and makes me cry a little. Those days I dream of hugging January, questioning doctor Morrow about physics, asking Val for advice about being queer and fashion and a bunch of things, nerding out with Milo, petting Tuna and Pizza, sharing oldest sibling struggle stories with Aggie, and much more. And maybe some people who read this feel the same.

[goosewriting]

Yeahhh I’m SO GLAD you’re back!! I open tumblr every now and then to see if you've posted anything new,hope you’re doing well!🥺💖

I just got home from my graduation trip and in a while I'm going to keep preparing to apply to my grad school, I know all too well what it's like to have no motivation to study, it's always hard to get started on something serious, even when I'm drawing my own stuff, I always turn on my computer in the morning and then I don't start drawing until the evening lol

Just curious if you've found anything interesting lately? Movies and TV shows or novels or whatever, I recently read the novel I've read a million times again and started reading battle scars 🫡

And am looking forward to your new works! hope to see you write more about Cal, your writing of Cal is my favorite, you're a genius at writing Cal!🥹🤲❤️

Have a nice day and hope you do well at the finals<333

(This is my first time using ask box and I don’t know if I’m using this right,still confused about how to use tumblr 💦)

hi! thank you so much for the message and your kind words <3 they mean a lot to me! and i'm flattered to hear you like my writing that much :') 💕

i had my first final today, it was an oral exam, i thought i was going to fail because i slept very badly due to the heat and i barely studied for it, but i passed :'D so one less, two more to go. and then two essays. but that's a problem for future goose lol

i hope you had a fun trip Lin! applications are always stressful but i hope you get into your dream school<3

oof battle scars,, have fun with that one lol it's a good one! i should revisit my notes i took when i read it for future writing references lol currently i'm reading the republic commando series by karen traviss, i'm on book 3 rn. it's been such a fun read, i can't wait to speed through it after this week is over haha while it isn't canon anymore, i think the way the clones are depicted is very interesting, especially in the first book, the things the clones were taught about jedis and all that; it was a refreshing insight imo.

as for movies/tv, i'm really looking forward to arcane s2, as well as deadpool and wolverine. it feels like i've been waiting a decade for this movie! xD i miss the good ol' marvel days. i should rewatch some of the older ones now that i think about it~

ah i have some new ideas for cal that i just now remembered, so i'm gonna go jot those down before i forget lol

thank you sm again for your message, and my ask box is still open for all of you, dear goslings :D feel free to send something in!

have a fantastic week everyone, stay hydrated, have a snack. you deserve it. i'm glad you're here 🐤❤️🪿

[borreloadsavagedragon]

8 and 12 for the ask meme 👀

oh my god I reblogged that ask game knowing I am not a mean person AT ALL, so this is gonna push me to my LIMITS

(if you stand by anything in here, you’re cool as hell and I'm glad you interact with media, I am simply over sharing about fictional card game nerds like always!!!)

8. common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about

I had to sit and stare at this one forever to come up with one because I am just so in my own little corner that I never really notice other people's interpretations of characters, like I have my bachelors and ph.d. in the ones that matter and I write my silly little fanfics using my deranged thinking, that's it, roll credits

BUT there is one thing I've seen a few times now across a couple of months in random liveblogs or opinion pieces that I kind of wanna touch on it

And that's that Kaito wasn't held accountable in Zexal.

I think a topic like accountability and atonement in fiction is going to differ very strongly between person to person and what they feel is the proper amount of justice to someone given their crimes, I understand that, but I just want to throw my own hat in the ring for why I disagree respectfully but wholeheartedly

Here's where I write about it in my analysis(WHICH IS 8K+ RN AND STILL GOING, GOD HELP ME)

"This is one I’ve seen a few times and I wanted to make an entire separate point for it because I do think it's a very interesting conversation to have in regards to the moral playground that a lot of the YuGiOh rivals in general have(with Ryoken Kogami from YuGiOh Vrains sitting as the reigning king in the topic of questionable ethics by some fans, but he’s another character study for another day), but the focus isn’t where I think it should be. I think it’s more fascinating that Kaito’s the character I see called out the most for his work as a Number Hunter compared to other fan favorites in the cast, especially when all we saw from Kaito since his actions in "The Seized Emperor's Key! Showdown, Kaito vs Shark" was his own form of accountability. We’ve known since the very scene following his introduction as the primary antagonist for the first half of Zexal I, Kaito despises the job and his employers based on how he can’t even look Mr. Heartland in the eye when he reports his progress and how his eyes drop to the floor when the premise of taking souls is brought up. He has a special distaste for those with Numbers because of what he was led to believe since we also learn later on he’s been fed almost nothing but lies about the Numbers so the times Kaito might have become far more conflicted with his circumstances sooner were always ripped away from him. In his mind, he's trapped and following orders is his best option right now, but if it means the only thing that matters most to him, his little brother, is ok, then he'll be the worst person in the world. And that's just the explanation for why he did it all. Because even with the truth, he doesn't excuse it.

Following Zexal I, Kaito continues to involve himself with the struggle against the Barians, and while most of it is with the understanding he's avenging the damage done to his family, it’s also in part avenging the damage he did to Yuma, Ryouga, and the many other people he’s laid a hand on. The idea that a character or a person needs to wear their guilt and redemption on their sleeve at every second is unreasonable. I also think it’s important to recognize that atonement isn’t just justice or forgiveness; Kaito, for example, never once asks for forgiveness, nor apologizes verbally. Instead, he shows up. He's there when he has to be and does exactly what he needs to do, because his actions are going to be worth more than his words are going to be. Kaito has always been and is always going to be someone who is going to act, not speak. Zexal I Kaito isn’t showing up to help handle the gang in the first few episodes of Zexal II. Zexal I Kaito isn’t taking Yuma’s place against Mizael in the duel in the sphere field. While Kaito continues to have alternate and additional motivation for his own newfound focus, he does not do these things for his ambition’s sake only.  Anytime accountability and Kaito’s treatment of his allies is brought up, I think it’s also very telling when some things are excluded, like how he pivots the entire project with Chris in the Arctic into getting Yuma sent to Astral World instead of them in order to reunite with Astral is largely overlooked. Another example is his complete turnaround behavior towards Gauche and Droite both in Spartan City, going as far to recognize how strong of a duelist and person Droite is when Gauche is possessed by Alito and that Droite is the only person suited for that duel despite him being seemingly such an asshole towards her in Zexal I. Hell, Kaito’s treatment of Ryouga is far different in one half to another, he goes from reducing Ryouga down to a waste of his time and just another punk who wants a piece of him to respecting him in his own weird little way where he has to pick a fight with him. We've all seen Zexal I, we've seen how Kaito truly treats people he doesn't like. --- I like to look at Kaito through the lens of rejection because loneliness is such a key portion of his character. I feel like focusing on those wrongs doubles down on the theme that’s in place. Kaito has hurt people. But he recognizes that, verbalizes it when he calls himself hell bound even, so he will continue to do better by those people."

THIS IS WHY IM HIS BIGGEST APOLOGIST

I just think he's so interesting, I wanna talk about him being a piece of shit because he IS, how mean he was to Yuma in I says a lot, but he's not THAT much of a piece of shit by the end, his development isn't overwhelmingly apparent, much like most rivals in the franchise, but it's VERY there

12. the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them

SPECTRE!!!!! I LITERALLY HAVE PIECES FOR HIS WIG AND HAVE HAD THEM FOR A YEAR NOW!!!!!!!!!!!

I was AMAZED once to find out that people didn’t like Spectre because Spectre is so standout and fascinating. I HATE how he's boiled down to being creepy or "what happened to Aoi in their duel"-

Before it plummeted to hell, I got a tweet on my Twitter fyp from an rp acct that was like “like this if you hate spectre” and it had ~35 likes so I had to be cheeky and tweeted "what's it like to have bad taste" gjdsakldgskajg My one time with a mean streak..........

Genuinely though, what’s it like to not have taste, he's a freak, it's on purpose, I'd die for Spec

[academicallyinsufferable]

Hii! Sorry to bother you I hope you're doing well! I've been struggling with physical chemistry recently (I'm in 11th rn) I studied everything when it was taught but didn't practice a lot so like...i wanna ask what do I do? Well yeah practice sums but like, my 12th is gonna start soon so I first want to focus more on the chapters important for it so yeah I was hoping you could assist me? Again, i hope i don't sound rude or anything!!!

Hey hi !

Chill out your not sounding rude at all ....

So lemme tell you my experience when I was in my 11th grade I was like this crazy student who wanted everything perfect which burnt me out I remember crying one day when I got low scores and the worse part was that I had prepared really hard for it but still failed and when I got in 12 I lost all my motivation thinking it won't make any difference tbh I think my 11th was fruitful but few months in 12 I felt like I wasted my potential everyday I thought to myself that I will be disappointment to my teacher who had high hopes for me which led me to take online classes and I didn't go to school TBH with you I am also struggling with physical chemistry but I have promised myself to work hard I don't care if I am a disappointed to teachers but atleast I don't want to disappoint myself and my family so I will tell you that keep your head up girl and the hustle you did in 11 keep it up in 12th as well plz I request and if you think you have a backlog please pretty please clear it the very first day watch short videos if that helps and I think you should prepare for a test to get 100% even if you don't get 100% you will be at a better Position than failing okay so don't give up .and yes " luck favours the prepared" I have witnessed it .

And yeah you need to do those pyqs each and every question for physical chemistry work on it make it your strength and don't become a night owl sometimes it is okay but don't make it your habit like I did in my 12th it's not worth it rather wake up super early and start with the subject you are struggling with (Eat the frog )

Sorry for the long description hope it helped.And don't worry you'll be fine <333

[forgotten-daydreamer]

Hey I saw the post about the cigs and I don't know how comforting this is going to be but setbacks happen. Recovery ain't always linear and that's ok. I'm not a smoker, but I'm almost a year self harm free and I completely get how much harder it is to not give up after you fall back into it.

Being in a bad situation doesn't make you a bad person. Nor does reaching your limit. Considering the fucked up situation Italian government is in, it's already stressful in general.

I'm rooting for you 💪

i havent been self harm free in like months at this point - full blown alcoholic and all (but i am working on it, i swear). but yeah i mean, i dont like wasting money that im eorking hard for, for shit like cigs and alcohol. i genuinely don't. i feel so dumb bc i'm working like a bastard for money and im also studying to earn another scholarship so i should know better but i just... i've been thinking "i need a good smoke" for like a week and i gave in today. i feel so shitty. i took 2 showers, washed my hair twice, brushed my teeth and flossed and used mouthwash like four fucking times, and i still smell it, still feel it. i hate it. i feel so stupid. therapy isnt working and my life is a disaster and um a bad friend and it all sucks. and yes, the fact that this world fucking scares me, not unironically - i'm fucking terrified, every day i read of people dying and every day i want to kill myself because it all hurts so much and i feel useless and dumg complaining about dumb shit when people are out there being slaughtered, and i now live in a dictatorship so nothing makes sense and im genuinely scared that one of these days someone is gonna kill my unimates and i right outside uni because the police there is heavily armed and they dont care about beating unarmed young adults. i hate it all. i hate living this life - had i been x10 richer or smth like that, it wouldn't have changed. being here in this life and knowing whats going on in the world and in my country and with me within myself is enough to send me spiraling as soon as i wake up - provided that i manage to catch some sleep. i hate it all. i'm also aware i'm manic rn and my therapist said so too but i always feel like this and i want it to stop. i want to make one good decision in my fucking life. sorry for the yapping im genuinely desperate. thank you so much for the lovely words and im also super happy that youre doing good.

[creamyavocadosoup]

hello hello, how is everyone? i've been doing good. 2024 has been okay so far!! but ragh i have a few updates currently about just life.

one. hehe guys i am so!! so i'm kinda in love with someone rn and sksksk he's such a sweetie pie!! not to mention he meets all my standards. just taking things slow at the moment but gosh !!! he makes me so happy and i'm so glad i met him. (help he literally signed my mock-up adoption papers stating that he'll be the dad of my plushies after telling me to send him a document so he can sign it)

two. i've taken steps now towards actually dealing with an illness i have :> it's been so difficult!! especially eating the right things and having them in moderation but its so much better for me. was thinking of getting a walking pad bc enduring the outside elements when i never have the time/its rlly dangerous for me as a woman, is not exactly my cup of tea lmao

three. in my second semester of my second year in college and i feel like im gonna pass out !! why is it so difficult i hate this. but i want to actually get better grades this year bc ik i dont want to become an irregular student and actually get this shit as fast as i can!!

four. second part of can i be her is currently in the works btw!! (its literally open rn as i type this) ik i havent been the best in writing stuff but unfortunately, studies and real life kinda takes precedent bc otherwise i would have collapsed as a human being. but yes, i will still put out stuff but once in a while only <_<

that should be all!! hope you are all doing wonderful!! keep an eye out for that update soon :>

[helloimapinkfrog]

HMM SO HI??

TUMBLR STARTED TO SHOW ME POST ABOUT BLANK BLOGS AND NOW I'M SCARED (I should be studying rn but here we are) so I'm gonna introduce myself!!

my (nick)name's Isla and I use any pronouns!!!

I'm a +13 minor, I'm from Brazil and a self thaught english speaker (which means I might make a lot of mistakes)

I have no idea what I'm gonna post here but maybe some random projects + my drawings if I feel confident enough!

I've liked tumblr for a quite long time bc of pinterest/insta screenshots but I only created an account recently, so I'm still very lost here! I have no idea how a lot of things work like writing on tags instead of normally, but after seeing some nice posts (the firsts I'm gonna reblog actually) I feel very optimistic to find out!!! I hope being actually active here can make me even happier than I already am!!!!

also here's my carrd!!

[starwell-tarot]

hello darling!!! 🐿️🐢

hope your gloomy day still went pretty well, tell me about it!

some advice i can concentrate better on - as a mentionned yesterday it is definitly true that i like challenge and i got motivated by the idea of trying to find a way to make concentrating in class smth stimulating for my brain ofc i still need to find ways to it right but its a really charming idea to me! i also need to focus at home and get work done there to be able to concentrate better in class so its a whole process that im ready to try out with the method your proposed to me

motivation - feeding my soul, how poetic wow it is true that im very lucky to study what im studying rn and its actually stuff that are useful in life and if i dont find it interesting then maybe it can still be informations that i can share with others right? there is an enormous amount of material in every law classes so i wont be able to memorize everything but your advice made me see things differently and i actually want to try to remember most of it on the LONG TERM and not only for exams! once again it is an advice that really speaks to me and that i will think about when studying

balance - i actually LOVE lists/ plannings/ etc like writing everything i want to do for the day and packing my schedule with many different stuff like seeing many friends, doing productive stuff for school, doing my hobbies it really helps me see how i spend my time and share out the different things i do (so i dont do the same thing over and over again) and i cant believe i FORGOT about it like i actually stopped doing it and i forgot i am so grateful for this advice

relationships - my friends often complain that i dont share intimate things with them like my daily problems and all but i actually just dont see what they could do about it? anyway i still struggle with these things i'll try to question myself more often to see whats the right thing to do for everyone when im in a bad spot like you adviced

avoid stress - im really not good at dealing with negative emotions lmaooo its also gonna be a challenging point i'll try to believe as much as i can that stress is not an end its just a signal just like you said once again thank you for your works i'll try my best

self care - its so beautiful! i live in the city so im not that much in contact with nature but its true that whenever i go help my grandmother in the countryside it feels refreshing i just need more time to do so! now that i know its smth that could help me i'll keep that in mind and prioritize doing in these situations! im a taurus after all! even tho earth is only my third dominant element im an earth sign lmao

words of encouragement - everyone seems to be wrong about everything its crazy ajkdhdbnzev i really should be more humble its a problem but anyway yes even tho i think some people are stupid deep down i'll still take their opinion into consideration just in case when in fact i shouldnt with your advice i'll try to accept that sometimes peoples advices just arent for me and maybe they'll help someone but its not my case! thanks

daydreaming - yes in my experience heavy daydreaming has been because STRESS, bored in my life and obligations i have that i dont want to do the problem is that it really put me in problematic positions everything comes down to stress at the end so if i understand how to deal with my stress i wont feel the need to escape like this :/ i'll definitily think about your advice and when i notice im starting to daydream heavily ill try to ask myself why and to resolve the issue

THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR YOUR READING!!!!! everything really spoke to me and ill make sure to apply it well in my life from now on i'll think about your kind words and do my best!

Hello! My gloomy day was comfy 😁

Thank you so much for taking the time to write such a lengthy feedback 🖤 it means a lot and it's very helpful.

I'm also glad to hear you're enjoying the perspectives and ideas the cards gave 🤔

I went on a whim with the challenge thing and then I was like ... Wait a sec .. didn't they say they have Aries placements? It just clicked at that point. I knew i was right on the money 😂

I was so taken aback by that high priestess card. Truth be told I too had the same mentality in high school! I studied just to know things. To grow wiser as an individual. (Went to a science college (it's a high school despite the name)) So I can kinda see it! Law is very very broad of a subject and there's a lot to study. But it's also so so useful in life! I actually had some law students save my ass when I had a very bad boss at a workplace once they helped me with the contract lol So yeah i definitely think you can become very wise as a law student!

Glad I can help you get back to your lists, too! And uhm, I don't think any human is ever GOOD at dealing with negative emotions. I mean, they're meant to make us uncomfortable ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ But being gentle and understanding and honest with yourself does make it better!

And I mean yes I see your point. Maybe your friends will not be able to DO anything about your problems but here's the thing. Keeping things hidden creates more stress in the human mind. It's like an extra layer. It's not just "I'm frustrated and confused" It's "I'm frustrated, confused, and keeping it to myself." If you talk to someone, it gets easier 😁 Plus, talking about what goes on inside your mind can actually put you on the spot in such a way you unconsciously organize your thoughts and find the answers yourself. (Like those scenes in movies when a character goes to rant to another one and they literally spend the entire time talking to themselves, giving themselves advice and thanking the other person although they did absolutely nothing 😂)

Literally when I was doing your reading i had "Go touch some grass, bro." In my head 😂 But yes, as an earth sign you probably could feel so much more grounded and peaceful if you interact with nature. 😁

And just wanted to remind you I answered your ask about the double interpretation tarot reading and you can send it to me anytime!

[fatimaah]

I've been anxious about not being anxious about anything.

Yeah I have some mental breakdowns like "who even am I what do I want what do I do I don't know anything someone help" but I don't feel this you know.... fear(?) inside me. I don't see myself anywhere in the future but something is making me feel like I won't be lost for sure. One thing I know about me is that I will never do something I hate (a.k.a math physics chemistry and everything that requires too much brain work) so at least I won't be a boring scientist in white ass laboratory.

Problems in my life don't seem big enough for me to care about (Alhamdullilah) . Especially when I see videos from Palestine or anything like it it makes me realize how rich and privileged I actually am.

Ever since that accident with my aunt when my dad had to give her almost all of his money to help I have been kinda anxious like wtf r we gonna do now? where I'm gonna study now? should I buy more clothes, hang out w my friends often or not and overall like how is he gonna earn it all back. I've been avoiding thoughts like this for the past five or six months and I've been trying not to think about future university and other expenses not to make myself sad or something.

And now of course it's not quite like before but it seems to get better. It seems to already be good enough. I have everything. It makes me so happy. Who gives a fuck about university anyway. Wow I really am happy just genuinely happy with what I have rn.

Maybe it's about things my parents have taught me. Not only by words but by actions.

My father believes that the more you give for charity the more you get and well maybe he's kinda right. He's been stressed these days but he's smiling and joking about everything like I swear this man takes life as a joke he's always like "we're Muslims and we should always remember that death will come. It makes me happy sometimes yk" like bro what😭 and my mom is the same, she's like " girl, this life is nothing but a test and it will pass like your school passed, you still didn't realize it, did u?". Yeah I didn't.

Omg have I really graduated school already? Kinda cool.

Sweet adult life (no).

May 29th, 2024 (wait it's my brothers bd? )

so this loser became an official adult today, huh?

[praseodykemium]

2:48 am 6 April 2024

tonight I ate a huge block of chocolate and I felt like killing myself. I'm not suicidal. My right thigh really aches where I sometimes cut it months ago. And now while writing, I feel like shitting myself because my stomach does this surrendering thing when I feel any strong emotions. I'm not even sure what emotion it is this time.

Sometimes I cry out of nowhere. The tears just come I am not in control of them. They are usually preceded by some screeching from me. I don't know why I do that either. I hurt my close ones doing that and I don't like it.

I don't have any friends I can talk to. Well I was talking to a friend in the evening (11pm) and the discussion kinda upset me (made me feel like a worthless creature who should cease from existence), and so I watched 6 episodes of Fleabag and related and laughed and felt a lot of things but mainly- "what am I doing with my life? Have I no ambition? I should be studying for an exam next year and not enjoying something" <— that (the last two sentences) was actually from the discussion with the friend.

She said we are all born equally smart. Some just work harder than others. And she compared me and meghna (who is ofcourse better than me despite me besting her in most of our school exams in 12th. She was a topper in 11th and I was not. I'm glad in a way that everyone remembers that. I really hated expectations. But yeah that kinda stung. It wasn't the main hit, far from it). She said that her parents and loads of other doctors work REAAALLY HARD and ARE PERRRRFECTLY HEALTHY (when I told her that over pressuring yourself with work is gonna bring a cerebral stroke and you'll die early and not get to enjoy any of your money and respect and freedom.)

SO THEN IN MY HEAD, MY STUPID MIND TWISTED THST SENTENCE AND MADE IT INTO "OH I CALLED YOUR BLUFF. YOURE JUST OVERREACTING. CEREBRAL STROKES ARE A MYTH BECAUSE OHHHHHH LOOK ST ME BOASTING MY SUPER FIT AND HEALTHY AND ALIVE PARENTS WHO WORK ALL DAY!!!!!" (I hope that everyone she thought of in that list of perfectly healthy and alive workaholics STAY HEALTHY AND WELL AND ALIVE. MAY SHE NEVER FIND OUT THAT BITTER BITTER BLOW THAT CHANGES YOUR PERCEPTION OF THE WORLD. MAY SHE NEVER LOSE HER PARENTS YOUNG. GOD BLESS EVERYONE SHE THOUGHT OF AND MORE 🛐)

BUT FUCK YOU VERSHA FOR SAYING THAT because unknowingly you touched a nerve I didn't even know I still had alive. FUCK ME. God I hate everything. I really relate to fleabag rn even though I have no qualifications other than my dad dying to feel relatable to her saying "I feel like crying. All the time."

Its been 3 years and I still haven't gotten over my drunk brother (cousin) molesting me at 15. Because we were really close at a point in time (YEARS OF FRIENDSHIP). AND I TRUSTED HIM MORE THAN ANYONE. I AM STILL NOT OVER IT.

i feel I was hypersexual from as long as I can remember. I had this repeating dream-vision-imagination thing that I am in a hospital lying with my lower body uncovered naked and the doctor calling in my super older than me ( when I was 15 he was 23 or something and the younger one was probably 21) cousin brothers— to come and stare at my genitals. I have had this dream thingy since as long as I can remember. It was often repeating in my head. I do not know why. I was assaulted YEARS later by the both of them on multiple separate occasions but that foreshadowing was thoroughly confusing and unasked for and really fucked up my childhood.

I have been masturbating since as long as I can remember as well. I don't know what's wrong with me. But I'm terrified of men. And I am terrified of being penetrated. I would rather die a virgin honestly. But I'm also really fucking horny all the time. But I really really really do not want anybody to touch my naked body ever.

whenever somebody invades (accidentally or otherwise) my personal space, I have this passive surrendering feeling wash over me like a drug. Like I know that I hate it, I'm aware of me hating someone doing that but it's just that twisted horny part of me or something else maybe i don't know that forces me to remain stationary like a soldier called to attention. I let the intrusive hand finger thigh do whatever the fuck it wants to do and I stay completely still. It's not supposed to be this way. I'm a strong (not really), adult (19 in June this year), aware (vividly aware of articles and awareness videos, Wikipedia and RAIIN articles about every sexual assault terminology, their after effects, mental disorders, percentages, everything) woman with a brown belt in karate. I should do better than this. But my STUPID FUCKING TWISTED MINDED BODY REFUSES TO SEE REASON AND FOLLOW THROUGH WITH MOVING AWAY. SO YEAH FUCK ME I GUESS IM NOT GONNA GIVD CONSENT BUT I CAN JUST STAND HERE AND BE A REALLY GOOD WANKING MATERIAL FOR YOU.

I have to sleep it's 3:27 am now. And I really hate Martin (Claire's i.e. fleabag's sister's husband) from Fleabag.

I think fleabag's therapist scene brought this rant on. And my right thigh really fucking hurts.